Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 518 - Mark Chavez

Episode Date: February 19, 2018

Mark Chavez of the Pajama Men and the Sunday Service joins us to talk mammoth meat, the stranger Dave met, and teen drinking.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 518 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, uh, he likes a quality razor. But, not a straight razor. And not an electric razor. Likes a wet shave. But not lately because he's got a beard.

Mr. Dave Shoka. So I do use an electric with this. Oh do you? Just to trim it down? I guess it's clippers. I'm using clippers. Yeah a beard, Mr. Dave Shoka. So I do use an electric with this. Oh, do you? Just to trim it down? It's clippers. I'm using clippers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Los Angeles clippers.

Yeah, I'm using, oh boy, I cannot name a Los Angeles clipper because they traded the one I could name. Danny Manning. Where is he now? I don't know. He was in the 80s. Okay. They traded him. They didn't trade him. Well't know. He was in the 80s. Okay. They traded him.

They didn't trade him. Well, that's the other one I could name. Oh, okay, okay. And that voice you hear. I feel like the Clippers weren't even a good enough team that they put them in an NBA jam. Like they maybe just left eight teams out. The Clippers is a team that I always forget is a team. Yeah.

You just think of them as a bunch of prima donnas. When you say the Clippers, I'm like, oh yeah, that's a team. Yeah. But I don't follow baseball. I know. And it's the named after boats? Oh, yeah. Oh, so not shaving. Yeah. Alright. That voice you hear is our guest today, a very funny comedian, improviser, writer. Anything else on that? That's it.

Yeah. Actor. Actor, yeah. Mark Chavez. Hello. Hello. Thanks for having me back, you guys. You ever shaved your head?

No. No. And I don't, if I did, I would look your head? No, no. And I don't, I, if I did, I would look like Admiral Akbar from, cause I have a, I have like kind of a long head.

Why the long head? And I have like a, why the long head? And then I have a, a bump. If you get like, this isn't bad radio, but if you,

if you could feel it and you could, you could tell people that. You've got a, I have like a. Protuberance. Yeah. You know, like a. I have like a. Protuberance. Yeah. You know, like the place where. Admiral Protuberance from the prequels.

I'm like a cross between Admiral Akbar and Admiral Protuberance. I just, I've always been afraid to have, to have a shaved head for that. Oh, I can't wait. Like some people just have a head for it. Yeah. Like some people. I don't think I do. I was watching a weird thing last night about King Tut, and apparently he had.

Now, you're from New Mexico. Yeah, so I know all about King Tut. Because he was born in Arizona. They used to do something called head binding, which is like foot binding, only with the plates in your head. And he had like a crazy long alien head. Yeah. That's kind of what I feel like I have. Do they do it as a baby?

Yeah. As a baby. And, uh, like he also was the, I think the result of his, uh, his parents were brother and sister. I think he was the result of his parents having sex. His mom was a bird head and his dad was a bird headed thing and his dad was a dog headed thing um but yeah he he has like a weird like et kind of shaped head cool and he had it shaved so oh so it looks oh how do you know he had it shaved well the the model that they presented on the special had a shape that's

true he might have long hair to cover it up uh or maybe i don't know what are those hats that they presented on the special how to shape it. That's true. He might have long hair to cover it up. Or maybe, I don't know. What are those hats that they wear? Oh, like tut hats? Yeah. He was wearing a sarcophagus last time I saw him. A full

head to toe. Have you ever seen like the big Egyptian museum like in London where they have like all of the mummies? Yeah. There's my favorite is they have a mummified cat. It looks so cute.

Really? Yeah. Is it little? It's a tiny little cat that's just like it's standing upright to it with its little hands bound like four paws bound.

Well, they did bind paws back there. Yeah. So it looks just like a normal mummy except it has a little cat face. If you had the option, feet, head, any other body part, what would you like to have head bound? Oh, my waist.

Yeah. You know, get one of those real hourglass figures. Oh, sure. Johnny Weissmiller over here. Yeah, I could go for a feet binding. Yeah. You find your feet are too big? No, I would hate it it i love my feet they're really wide so i can just kind of relax oh yeah i love my feet are like

the i sometimes i get jealous when i'm like oh yeah you're a size you know 14 like every shoe store that when stuff goes on sale it's all the weird sizes that go on sale. Oh yeah. I'm a size nine and a half. I get, I pay full price for everything. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. I'm 10 and a half. What size are you, Graham? Depends on the shoe, but usually a nine. But I got, I got the same thing as you got the wide foot.

So the way that you said that you can relax when you're standing, I was like, yeah, I relate to that. Like a real wide. Yeah. It just feels like I'm not doing anything. Yeah. Like you got a little tripod down there. Yeah.

Yeah. Well. That's not exactly right. Do you want to get to know us? Oh, yes. Absolutely. Get to know us. You're from New Mexico.

From New Mexico. We always find a thing to talk about about it. Yeah. About New Mexico, you mean. Yeah. Yes. Today, it just occurred to me, I don't know of any other place in the world that is new, something from the new world.

Like, it's always New York or New Hampshire. Yeah. New Amsterdam. All right. It's rare. I can't think of another example. It should have been called, like, New York or New Hampshire. Yeah. New Amsterdam. All right. It's rare. It's, I can't think of another example. It should have been called like next to Mexico. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You're, you're totally right. I don't, I mean, I have nothing to say about that other than New Mexico was a huge territory before, and then it was whittled away and then until it ended with that one square in the middle. And then they just decided to keep that the name. Is it one of the ones on the four corners?

It is a four corner, yeah. Can we name the others? I can. Utah. Yep. Colorado. Yes. Arizona.

Yes, and you're missing two more. I'm just kidding. Have you ever stood with a foot in each? Yeah, yeah, with all four of my feet. He's kind of a quad pod. He's got really wide feet. Yeah, I always think of the United States as like, when I was little, I would draw pictures of like spaceships or something. Do you want to draw the map?

Yeah, yeah. We've been doing that lately. Draw the map of the U.S.? We did the map of Canada. Oh, and could you do it? Yeah. Yeah, I mean.ham's provinces were very tall and skinny very tall compared to the north of canada yeah i don't know how i would do

with drawing the either map um but uh because everything was so is so detailed on the east and then as it gets to the west it's just like i'm tired i'm just gonna make these squares but they pretty much are yeah yeah yeah it's like it started, it's just like, nah, I'm tired. I'm just going to make these squares. But they pretty much are. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's like it started out like somebody had like these like cool ideas of shapes and rivers and things.

It's almost as if they didn't know what kind of destiny they were manifesting. Exactly. So what's new? What's been going on in Chavez's life? Quite a bit. I got married. Thank you. Graham, you were there.

Yep. You were there. You were a witness. Dave wasn't there. Do you guys know each other outside the podcast? A little bit. We definitely do. Yeah, so that was special.

It was one of the most stressful things, as you can imagine, that you could do. My family came in from New Mexico. They'd never been to Vancouver, my parents. How long have you lived here? Eight years. But it's a soft gray scale, eight years. Because I stopped. I kind of gave my place up in Albuquerque, but I was on the road all the time.

And instead of going back to Albuquerque, I would come here to visit my girlfriend. Now, does the girlfriend know about the wife? Yes. Not yet, but if she listens to this. And so it was really nice for them to see Vancouver. I suddenly became an ambassador for the city that I felt like kind of new in, which was really nice. What did you, uh, what did you show them? We, I took them to the Campolano suspension bridge, which I had never been to, which by the way is incredibly expensive.

Yeah. Um, yeah, it's really expensive. It's the kind of, I think that it's one of those tourist attractions where they're like, come once and you'll get a year pass. It really is. You have to be a resident of BC. But yeah. So tourists don't get. That's weird.

Yeah. And I mean, it's worth it. It's, I mean, it's amazing. It's really pretty. And like, you know, kind of scary. I took my niece across holding her in my one arm. How old, how big is she? She's. How old or big big is she? She's,

uh, How old or big? She's two. She's two but tall. Yeah, but very long. Yeah. So she was like,

bro. Really noodley. Yeah. Uh, we walked across that, um, and, uh.

Did you go up in the tree thing? Yeah, and then it was like, like the Ewok forest or the Robin Hood like area. Yeah, there, there,. Yeah, that was cool. That was pretty cool.

Have you done it? I haven't done that part. Maybe I've done the bridge when I was young, but I don't remember. Yeah. I'm not a tourist. No, I know, but I remember going there because, I don't know, like maybe I was doing tourist in your own town thing, and it was like a complicated series of buses to get up there.

And then, and then it was cool, but you're just kind of like, it's exactly what you say. Like it's a lot of money. Yeah. And then you walk across a scary bridge and then you, you feel like you've done something,

but then you have to go back. So you kill time before going back by walking along the trees. Yeah. Yeah. You can have my back by walking along the trees. Yeah. Yeah. You can have my mom opted out of the trees. She was kind of done after the bridge. She just sat and had some coffee. Nice. Yeah.

Yeah. She was all right. Yeah. Yeah. So, yeah, it was interesting being in a, uh, being in the city and kind of showing people around. I knew a lot more about it than I thought I did. Yeah. Have you ever had to show somebody around town?

No, I think people know I'm not. Not interested. No one's like, oh, I got to see Dave while I'm in town. Well, I was, yeah, I was driving. I don't think that's true. I had to drive, like I rented a van because my parents have adopted children who are like high school age. So the three of them and my parents and me were driving them around in this van.

And, like, at one point, like, late at night, I had to pick up Ryan Beal because he was the emcee and we needed the wedding. And I had to, like, have a little meeting with him. And he said I look like Kermit the Frog riding a bicycle. Like, when I was in the, because it just didn't make sense. Like, me driving this van around. It feels so weird. Yeah. Yeah, driving a van around it feels so weird yeah yeah driving a van around in a city is a weird yeah experience unless you're like delivering food or whatever right like

if you're just driving a van like the city's not built for vans no no it's not it's built for tiny little cars and we did the like we did our wedding like ad hoc, like instead of just like renting a restaurant and having them just do it or something or going to an event place that does it. We like, we rented a space and then like had to like get everything for the wedding, including spoons, you know, like, which we just didn't think through enough. But the thing is, is like, it comes with this huge price tag off the top, but you end up kind of spending the same amount if you're doing it yourself ad hoc.

So I went and picked up all of the plates and because we wanted to save money on it being delivered, $50, which I would spend eight times as much

right now having no, so I got to the place to pick up all like the dishes and like the curtains and stuff, curtains. Was this the day of the wedding? like the dishes and like the curtains and stuff. Was this the day of the wedding? Yeah.

The morning of the wedding. Oh my God. Really? And the guy was like loading my rented van and he goes, why didn't you have this delivered? I was like, I don't know. It was a $50 surcharge. I don't know why. Yeah.

Do you have to wash them before you send them back? No. And apparently you can break like 17 of them and they don't charge you, which was really nice. Oh, wow. Yeah. I didn't care. Did you consider just showing up at a restaurant with, I don't know, however many people, 80, and just being like, yeah, do you have a table for 80 at the old spaghetti factory? I should have. I should have done that there's some restaurant that that's like their daydream that like it's always empty in there and they're like maybe

someday just a huge bustle pull up or a wedding something anything to get us out of this that's what i thought you meant by we we had an ad hoc wedding we just like well you always let's let's oh they're they're full at boston pizza oh god so let's go next door that sounds like an anxiety dream like that would just be so awful like i yeah like the trying to go to a restaurant with six people at six o'clock i remember the days when like i would visit, like I'd go to New York and Shanoa and I in pajama men would be performing or something. And then like every friend from like every part of my life that lived there would come and see the show. And that's how we would fill the house. Yeah. You know, but then it would be like, great.

Now, where are we all going to go? Oh, yeah. It would literally be like 20 people walking down Manhattan. Partying by committee. Yeah. Oh, well, this sounds okay. Well, what? Isn't that like, oh.

Now, you can't be around clams, right? That's true. Yeah. Yeah. And then you always end up at some chain place, right? Yeah, totally. And that, so I don't do that anymore. Like, it'll just be like uh we're gonna

go here see you don't have to go or whatever yeah this could be it for us yeah this could be the last we see you i don't know why uh yeah like if you if you invite somebody to do a thing to see that there doesn't have to be a hangout no i, but back in the day, you know, it was like when we were first doing comedy outside of Albuquerque, people would be really excited that knew us, you know. It would just be this, and like we would be like, yeah, our friends are here. We have to hang out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a lesson you learn, I think, that you just, when you're. Also, it's like, do you end up with friends from different spheres of your life?

And then you're like, oh, this person doesn't know that person. They all know me. And they all kind of want some time. Like, oh. I guess weddings could have been that way too. Like, that's another thing when you have a wedding. You don't talk to anyone at all. Right.

I mean, you do, but it's just so brief because you're orbiting the whole room. But is there any other, like, line of work where you meet up with friends at your work i guess not like yeah you don't get off shift at the hospital and everyone's waiting and you're like well i'm still my scrubs but i guess yeah or if like yeah like oh a bus full of my friends was in a big accident, and we've got to help them out. We've got to sew up their wounds. And then what are you doing after this? Oh, I didn't know that you guys were going to crash. Yeah, I mean, I guess there's a coffee shop that's still open around here.

Should we all go? Let's all go, and if it's closed, then there's something. I hate this. We'll just get Let's all go and if it's closed then there's something I hate this. And we'll just get a bottle and go back to Beth's. Now I gotta say none of you should have anything

to drink because of the clotting. Alcohol's a blood thinner. Yeah, you're right. There is no other there's no other gig. There's no other you could say

a lot of that about performing but there's like no other gig that a lot of that about performing, that there's no other gig that a lot of stuff happens at. Right, where you know immediately if you're doing good or bad at your job. Yeah, within the first two minutes.

Without middle management coming in four weeks later and being like, you could work on this. Yeah. You know for sure if you are doing bad at comedy. Yeah. I assume the person who yelled out you suck is from HR. So married life, same. You were living together.

Yeah, we've been together for a while. So basically the same, though it does feel better. Like feels cool. Cool. Cool or right? Do you have a wedding ring? No. So, what we're going to do, she does, finally.

Like, we kind of settled on one for her. But I have my father. My father died when I was very young, and I'm going to change. I have his old wedding band, and we're going to kind of make it fit me. Right. I think. Is it bigger or smaller? Well, it's smaller, but only because my sister wore it for a long time. Oh. And then she gave it to me. Oh, that's nice. Is it bigger or smaller? It's a, well, it's smaller, but only because my sister wore it for a long time.

Oh. Um, and then she gave it to me. Oh, that's nice. Yeah. Um, so you're doing the rings ad hoc as well. Everything is real piecemeal. I did, um, I did ask her father's permission, uh, which was, yeah. Did you do that with?

No. Yeah. Because I married an adult woman in 2011. which was, yeah. Did you do that with? No. Yeah. Because I married an adult woman in 2011. Yeah. Well, it was, it was something that I think that he,

he would have like, cause I was like, look, I'm going to ask Anita to marry me. Are you okay with that? And he was like, well, finally, like he was very fine.

Right. He didn't hum and ha like, well, yeah. I was hoping that Prince would ask was like, well, finally, like he was very fine. He didn't hum and ha like, well, I was hoping that Prince would ask her, but Prince the singer. That was like, that was probably the only traditional thing. Yeah.

Did you do the chicken dance at the wedding? No. And in fact, uh, I told the guy, I told the guy not to do, um, not to play YMCA and not to do the chicken dance.

And he was like, great, fine. No problem. Just Macarena. Macarena. Sort of like a cross between them. I thought it was assumed. Like, you know, I thought it was like, don't do any of these like basic wedding, like, cause he was doing like some Latin kind of cumbia salsa stuff. Uh-huh.

And that was like what his specialty was. I was like, keep with that. Yeah. Macarena. Macarena. But, but don't do any,

yeah. And so he, I mean, fine. Fair enough. Dun, dun, dun,

dun, dun, dun, dun, macarena. Guys remember? Yeah, it is.

Yeah, yeah. It's fun. Right. It's pretty good. It's a good song. Has there been a, a dance song? Yeah. Yeah. Since the. The Gangnam Style. It's a good song. Has there been a dance song?

Yeah. Yeah. The Gangnam Style. Oh, Gangnam Style. The Single Ladies. Yeah. Oh, the Single Ladies. Yeah.

I guess so. I don't, I don't, wouldn't quite put that in the same category. Oh, the Nay Nay. Yeah. Soulja Boy. But Single Ladies, that's not like, cause it's like Do the Macarena, Do a Gangnam Style. Like, isn't it? Do the Gangnam Style. That's not like, because it's like do the Macarena, do a Gangnam Style. Like, isn't it? Do the Gangnam Style.

That's not what he said. Well, okay. Maybe I don't know the rules of what we're discussing. No, even though the Monster Mash is perennial, you can't call it new or a dance. I'll pay you money to show me what the monster match actually looks like I was working a lot you put on goggles

you put on your nightcap you can't just mime the words we can do that with every song eerie sight there's so many moves in this dance We can do that with every song. And something, something, something, an eerie sight. Touched his ear, pointed at his ear.

There's so many moves in this dance. Did everybody get up and do the Macarena? No, I was driving my parents and their kids back to where they were staying at that time in the van. The family band. Yeah. And by the time I got back it was it had devolved into just dancing or not devolved evolved i guess yeah how many songs are you good to dance to at a wedding am i personally yeah oh i don't know i wasn't like partying i didn't have anything to

drink so i was just more just like i can dance without drinking don't get me wrong not me uh but i need it i need the Well, a lot of people do. Like, I think it's a thing. Yeah. You drink and you feel crazy. So I don't know. I don't know. Like seven.

Oh, I'm like two. Right. I remember when I was a kid going to my aunt's wedding and seeing all these adults. That was the first time I'd ever seen like adults dancing. And I was like, what the hell? Like, what the hell is going on? You know, because it's not a thing you see adults do until you do.

And then you're like, what? Especially like when they show you how they dance. You're like, you shouldn't be doing this. Whose body are you trying to use? Like like it feels like you're inhabiting the wrong body to be doing this yeah and everybody is that's the other thing too that like a wedding or whatever everybody is drinking and i remember the first time like seeing adults that i knew like drunk and it was so bizarre yeah like you're missing that crucial piece of information as to why they're acting so crazy all of a sudden. Oh yeah.

Right. And why they keep like picking you up and you're like, you're the man. Yeah. You're like, what have I done? And then at the end of the night, they're like, we can't drive. And it's like, but we drove here. They don't understand. Yeah, but we should just be careful.

The last time I saw you before today, we were at a party where someone showed up so drunk that he like jumped and tackled someone, his friend. His friend, yeah. Into a couch, but at the same time kicked a woman in the face and gave her a bloody nose. Yeah. Oh, jeez. He didn't kick her on purpose. That's like something out of a movie. Oh on purpose oh yeah i mean that's something like something when you wake up the next day you're like oh i tackled oh my god i kicked that girl's face you

look at your sock it's covered in blood oh no covered in woman blood oh no woman blood yeah and he was yeah and then we i saw who it was i didn't in the dance area. And he was on, either someone was on his shoulders or he was on someone's shoulders. Oh, yeah. No, I saw him. I didn't see the incident. Yeah, I didn't see the incident either. Yeah. We just saw the aftermath with like paper towel and a couch being put back up right.

And a woman being walked out and a man being walked out. And this is like a party where nothing else like that was going on. Like it wasn't like a crazy party. It was an adult holiday party. With two like, you know, I was going to say it was a corporate party, but it's like two small businesses. Right. And somebody just decided like, beer was also a party where I went with my now wife, Anita.

Does she know about the girlfriend? The now wife? She, yeah, she does. Uh, we, um,

and we, I was talking to Dave about this earlier. We were like, I didn't know anyone. It's been so long. So I've been to a party where I'm just like, I don't know what to do with my hands or like where I stand. Yeah. Like I would just like, and I, we tried to make conversation with these like two ladies that were standing next to us and we're like, hello.

And it lasted 1.3 seconds. And then we just kind of stood and I saw Dave. Thankfully we talked. And then it like, it got a little bit better near the end of the night after the guy tackled. Yeah. Because then you've got. The ice was broken. Yeah.

Yeah. So thank you to that man. But it's like when you, like the last time I went to a party where I didn't know anybody, I just ended up walking laps around the area. Like I just kind of like went from station to station, like, oh, I guess I'll just go to where drinks are and go over where the food is. And then I'll just wander around. I'll check my phone. What kept you at the party? Yeah.

I would do a lot. Yeah. I think like, especially if I was, were you not alone? Uh, no. Yeah. I went with somebody and then they got swallowed up. Yeah. That's the worst.

Yeah. I remember. Yeah. I remember going to a halloween party once and like not only did i lose the person that i was with i forgot what they were dressed like so they like they vanished and i was like oh no like what what was the costume i mean i maybe i had imbibed some alcohol maybe i tackled a woman that night and kicked a man in the face. It's hard to say.

Who knows? But that is really nice when like a party has like a moment that everybody. That everybody can kind of agree is the moment. Yeah. Right. Yeah. It's hard to beat something like that. Yeah.

A full body tackle. Oh, I tried. After that, I tried to beat it. Yeah. I was like,. Oh, I tried. After that, I tried to beat it. Yeah. You, uh. I was like, this went well for this one. People seem to enjoy this. Let's see.

Who do I know? Who do I kind of know? Well, no one. I know Dave. Tackle. My shoe went flying off and impaled a guy. How sharp were these shoes? They were very sharp.

Like, point. I was wearing stilettos. They had a retractable knife. Like in Roadhouse. Anyone? Oh, yeah. Did he? I was watching it on TV. I mean, there's a few movies where there's knife shoes.

Yeah, there are. There's actually a Jean-Claude Van Damme movie where there's a knife shoe. It was kind of a thing in the late 80s. We're like, oh, we we got to put retractable switch blades in a boot. Like would you... Curling your toes. Yeah.

You have to do it three times. Is there maybe like a James Bond villain who has them? Yeah, I'm sure. Maybe Desperado had a knife shoe in it. Right.

Knife boot. I remember the scene in the movie Kingsman. Ohman oh yeah that's prime knife boot well that's the most recent um yeah i remember in roadhouse he walks in and and roadhouse's friend goes careful that guy has a knife boot and and then sure enough he shoots out a blade from his boot and kicks it at roadhouse. Pat Roadhouse. Pat Roadhouse Swayze. Who, like, that was it.

Like, the knife boot got zero play. Like, they just knew it was going to happen. Well, if there's a knife boot in the first act, it has to be kicked by the third act. That's the thing. It was in the second act. It was like, knife boot, knife boot, defeated. Within, like, ten seconds.

Knife boot, knife boot over. Yeah. No drama. There have been knife boot, knife boot over. Yeah. No drama. There have been knife shoes from Russia with Love. Yeah. And Die Another Day. Oh, two. Right.

Well, it's time for another knife boot. Get on it, Craig. What's his name? Daniel Craig. I feel like, you know, now up at, you know, we could have two knife boots. Yeah, right. And then a guy's running at you with knife boots. On his heels. Knife skis. Yeah, knife knife boots. Yeah, right. And then a guy's running at you with knife boots. On his heels. Knife skis.

Yeah, knife skis. Yeah, yeah. Knife gloves? Yeah, of course there's knife gloves. There's plenty of those. Wolverine has them. Yeah, Wolverine. Wolverine's the embodiment of knife hands.

Did you guys go through a period in your life where you're like, I really wish I had retractable razor claws? Well, I did, but they were bound we did we did yeah i remember seeing like uh when i was like a teenager taxi driver and he like makes a thing that out of a drawer or something he like makes a thing that like a gun comes out of his sleeve and And I remember trying to construct something like that and being like, well, mostly I have to walk around holding in the thing so I would be like this the whole night.

And then when I go to use it, it would just fly off. There's nothing anchoring it. So you actually use the drawer runner? That's what he uses in the movie. Yeah. I didn't use that. I. Oh, I see. Tried to construct something like that.

Right. And it was bad. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I didn't have a gun. I just had the thing. Dang.

Yeah. So many of those like childhood things that I wanted. I'm so glad didn't happen. Yeah. And I would have. Like what do you. It's only going to get you in trouble if you have razor claws that can come out of your hand like you're just just dying to use them yeah also like the the it's such a bloody like fight you're getting yourself yeah yeah it would have to come with the caveat that you also had Wolverine's healing power.

And then, but you lived in a comic book. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like there was a kid at school who didn't make Wolverine claws, but he had some sort of, there was always a kid that had some like throwing stars or something. Oh yeah. Throwing stars. Brother or cousin got them. The amount of times that adults have to say the thing that's in for elementary school age or any kind of school age thing. Like, this is your principal.

No throwing stars or Pokemon. You know, they have to say those words that clearly they don't know what mean or why. No Slenderman. No Slenderman. No Slenderman or Pogs. New rule this year? We're instituting some kind of anti

knife boot. There will be no drone or Nintendo. Yeah. No fidget spinner or silly string. I feel like nunchucks was the real big one when I was a kid. Nunchucks were huge when we were young. And anybody could make nunchucks.

You just had pieces of wood and a string. Or if you're me, take two pieces of cardboard tubing and fill it. And then try to make it weigh enough to swing around and fail. I would do two soup cans with string in the middle because that way it was like

a communications nunchuck. I remember there was there was practice nunchucks and like real nunchucks but there was literally no difference between them except the real ones

had a chain. Oh yeah. Yeah and the real ones had a chain oh yeah yeah and the practice ones are just like attached by rope but occasionally you'll still see someone who's really good with them and you're like oh that is cool yeah yeah no i mean it's it's it's spectacle yeah i remember maybe there was a kid in our talent show that showed off how good he was not with uh but with like a staff and i was like, oh, cool. Yeah. Like, wow, he could really avoid hitting himself. Yeah.

That's the trick, right? You're showing someone like how good you are at swinging a stick and not hitting yourself. Oh, he hit his penis again. Three times in a row.

He's really playing it up. Oh my God. I'm really good at hitting everything but my penis oh boy uh but yeah uh Dave what's going on with you man uh not much I sort of got into it with a lady at the coffee shop the other day oh no that's amazing And by got into it, I mean, I said about five things and she said a million. So what do you mean?

So I was walking Poppy. I was wearing Poppy on my person in a little, uh, uh, what do you call it? Baby carrier. And I was walking the dog. Is this a baby facing out or facing in? Facing in. Facing my bosom. Yeah.

Yes. For comfort. Comfort and warmth. And touch. And the, I, you know, tied the dog up outside and went into a coffee shop and got coffee. And this woman went out and petted the dog and then came back in and had all these questions. Normally people want to talk to you about the baby you're wearing. Right.

But she was like, wanted to know why he was missing his eye. And I told her it was just, it kept swelling up and the doctor said it was the best thing to do. And, uh, then she was like, well, you know, he's got a really long claws. And I was like, yeah, I know we. Please, they're talons. Yeah. We trim them, but it's tough.

He used to walk a lot more, but now that he's old, they don't get worn down on the sidewalk anymore. And she said, well, I used to date this guy. And when I saw his dog had such long claws, I broke up with him right away. So she's threatening you. And I was like, oh, okay. This is not going to go any farther, buddy. Single dad, I'm assuming. And then she said, she's gesturing a lot.

And she said, forgive me, I'm Italian. But she wasn't gesturing that much. Like she said, forgive me, I'm Italian. But she wasn't gesturing that much. Like, she wasn't invading my space or anything. But then she talked about, well, you know, she wanted to talk about all the dog's health problems. And then she was just talking about all these vet shows that she watches on TV. Oh, my God. You know, I watch Bondi Vet.

Oh? Oh, yeah, I've seen him. It's amazing what he does. And Hawaiian Vet, have you seen Hawaii Vet? And I was like, no. He died. I don't know. Spoiler.

I was watching one episode, and they said this episode was dedicated to the memory of him. I was watching one episode and they said this episode was dedicated to the memory of him. And in my mind, I'm thinking like, that's kind of a paltry designation. Like, we dedicate this one episode to the star. Yeah. Tune in next week for a new Hawaii vet. Yeah. And I also watch Super Vet.

You know, he does bionic stuff. And I was like, I don't know your shows, lady. Were you in line with her? No. I was waiting for my coffee to get made. How long did it take for that coffee to get made? Well, it didn't matter because once it was made, she kept me there. Oh, wow. And like, how old of a lady are we talking

50 okay all right so yeah so because i've i've definitely been like in a conversation with like a senior who is obvious that this is their communication with the world and so i'm like i guess i'm having a big conversation about celery. Yeah. Abby asked me if it was the same woman that she had had a thing with, because someone went out to like pet the dog and immediately was like, Oh, this dog's been abandoned.

Oh, cause like, if you didn't see the person walk up and tie up the dog, you're, I guess your mind thinks. They've tied him. Tied him up for days. Yeah, just left.

Right. Right. Comes into the coffee shop. Is there any who? There's an abandoned dog. Missing an eye. Yeah, he's missing an eye. He's got long talons.

He's a weird little guy. And a collar. And he's a dog. And he's clearly someone's dog i think maybe abby was in there and her phone rang because the person was like i your dog has been tied up and there's like i'm calling the number from his tag she just comes out of like yeah it's mine yeah i can see you like waving yeah it's weird though when i've like on the rare occasions where i have seen a dog that's just kind of like wandering around a neighborhood my first thought

is like i guess this is my dog now like that is always my kind of first thought like i guess we're friends now this was meant to be yeah and you do the look around to see if there's anyone and sometimes there is sometimes like an owner like five blocks away. Yeah. Or like we used to, if we were driving and there was a dog that looks like that, we would stop and we'd get out and we would, you know, try to figure out the situation. Now, if I'm pushing a stroller and carrying a baby on my chest, I'm like, man, better luck next time, dog. Bye, dog.

Off to your next adventure, little list over. Did you ever see that show? Yeah. Well, I think you told me about it. Right. That tracks. Yeah.

You're sort of a Johnny, Littlest Hobo seed. But it's one of those things that like, once I had learned about it, I, it would crop up. Yeah. And like,

I would hear about it from other, it seemed to have been a very popular show. I don't think I've seen a whole episode. Yeah. It just was, it was always on. Right. Like it was just on for. Right. And like, and we determined, at least I determined,

The Lullis Hubba was basically the incredible Hulk TV show. Yeah. Except it's a dog. Yeah. That doesn't turn into the Hulk. Well,, every episode he sort of quantum leaps into his next dog body.

Yeah, so it's like Lassie mixed with the Hulk. Yeah, that's right. I always forgot. I always get very sad at the end of every episode of Lola's Hobo and The Incredible Hulk. Same reason. Like, them walking down a highway was like so sad. So alone.

We had, we were trying to come up with a TV show idea. That's right. That was that premise of a guy who, every week, has a new, tries to help people, but he's terrible at it. Yeah. And he was a carny. Yeah. That's right. And every time he got dunked in the dunk tank, he would wake up in a different, like, he would, when he got out of the water.

It was like a quantum leap. Yeah. would wake up in a different like he would when he got out of the water it was like a quantum leap yeah he'd be in a different place but it was always he would whatever the situation was he would have to hunt down a dunk tank to

jump into it and also would he like come out of a dunk tank or just come out of a body of water oh i don't know i think we got that yeah well let's

let's come on guys let's do this we mostly laughed at our own premise. Yeah, we were like, this is so funny that like in the old west, he'd have to go find a dunk tank. Or in medieval times, he'd have to find a dunk tank. Could he make one? Yeah, he could build one, I think. Yeah.

And he'd be good at it over the season. They would get better and better. Yeah, and so like he'd be in medieval times and someone would be good at like throwing a ball of rope. And he'd be like oh get over here but like he would need someone to throw the thing yeah oh he couldn't do it yeah he couldn't just like release the well i mean it's the dunk tanker's oath yeah yeah and he'd have to solve a problem first right but he would have well yeah save the town or is the whole episode just how do i find a dunk tank yeah it's just he just the next... This is an elfish endeavor the entire time.

Yeah. Yeah, well, I mean, I guess he would make... If I don't find a dunk tank, I can't come. Yeah. I guess he would make a deal with whoever he's helping.

Like, if I help you at the Battle of the Bands, then you also have to dunk me. I can only think of a medieval thing. I heard this theory that uh the uh dark ages never happened have you heard what do you mean because there's there's you know the holy roman empire and all the and jesus times and stuff and then there's the Dark Ages where nothing happened. And then there's the Renaissance. So there's like that period maybe.

There's like, you know, 300 years where there's nothing really came out of it. Right. And the theory is that, you know, this Pope wanted to be the Pope in year 1000. So they kind of just like changed the year. What? Because no one was really keeping track of that stuff. Right. You didn't need a calendar.

Oh, so they just weren't, not that they didn't, they just didn't exist like that time. Yeah, that's why they're. But surely if that was the case, there would be like no record of anything dating, like a manuscript, any kind of anything that might have a date. Right. There could be,

there, there could be none of that. Um, but the, yeah, no, the big, uh,

I mean, look, my, no, I love it. I love it. My knowledge of this history is so. Yeah,

I know. I don't know anything that happened between, you know, Jesus and the Renaissance. Which is proof. Yeah. But. Yeah. But. Yeah.

Um, it's a, it's very Eurocentric because other, other parts of the world had history. Yeah. There was stuff going on somewhere. Yeah. Yeah. That's, I don't know. I remember walking through a museum and it was, uh, like it was set out by era. Like all the artifacts were by era. I think it was, like, it was set out by era. Like, all the artifacts were by era.

I think it was in London. And there was a bunch of eras that I never even knew existed. Like, you know, like the Bronze Age. And I was like, hmm, don't know that I've ever heard of that. It's the third place. Yeah. It was named that because it wasn't as good as the other two. It's still on the podium.

It was named that because it wasn't as good as the other two. It's still on the podium. But it was, I realized like, yeah, I guess my like public high school education really only went to like maybe the beginnings of North America. Because we didn't even like, it was just called social studies up until maybe grade 10. Yeah. Yeah. Then they were like, okay, history. Yeah.

We had humanities, which was like, it was like English, like writing and reading and. Arithmetic? And history. It was like, and they called it humanities. And then there was, and then there was like history. If you want, if you want to do like a hard history class. Yeah. We just like, but it was weird. Cause we would learn about like Canada in the 70s. And then the next thing would be like Japan when the Samurais were around.

You're like, well, like, yeah, we don't. Now we're going to read the Iliad in French. Yeah. So I don't know anything i don't know anything really anything at all yeah i still want to know about this dark ages thing because like that would just mean that like that i mean do we like we must know that two thousand years ago for us would equal two thousand years ago for other cultures, right? Yeah. So then they just, okay, no, we have, yeah. But when you say the Dark Ages, you're thinking about European, right?

Yes. Yeah. Yes. I just know it as the thing that ended with the Renaissance. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's like, is that like the year 1300? No, that's the Crusades. That's the dark ages i don't know when's the bronze age i don't know i don't know anything

um all i know is we did uh like i don't we did um uh you know 20th century history in grade 12 and that rule like 20th century was the best 12. And that rule. 20th century was the best century. When did the Walkman come out? Yeah, cool. So the Walkman was around. The Discman was also around. The Walkman was more popular.

A lot of people don't know this, but yeah, they actually existed at the same time. You'd think they wouldn't. Like the great figures of the 20th century. I'm thinking of like Rosa Parks, John Cougar Mellencamp. Oh, yeah. Oh, man. All the hits. Oh, that's so good.

But yeah, I feel like, yeah, if you, if anywhere past the kind of like the 1800s, everything gets very murky. I was hoping when I. the 1800s everything gets very murky I was hoping when I it just goes directly from

like old west to like and mining or like yeah gold mining to just castles yeah it's like

yeah and then somewhere in there is 300 and like you know yeah yeah you're like

Sparta was in here yeah yeah ish was Sparta was in here. Yeah. Was Sparta pre or post Spartacus? Yeah, that's a good question, actually. I don't know. I don't know the answer to any of these questions.

Yeah, it's all like, you know, before we had like hard leather shoes, like it was, it's all sandal time. And that's, it's all, and it kind of is, you know, when they find like a body, then they get,

it becomes the oldest body. Like there's been a few. Oh yeah. Like there's been like, now we have the oldest, most frozen thing. Yeah. And they had,

they had shoes and three, arrows and their last meal was venison. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they always know exactly how they died. Like, probably they got separated from their tribe. Right. And were running up this hill and got attacked by a man. But he survived that. And he kept going.

Then a bear finished him off. But he wasn't dead. Like, how do you drive this crazy narrative? Yeah. Doesn't, Brad Pitt has a tattoo of this Iceman. Mm. Who was, I think, one of the, or like the oldest man. Right.

Or like the oldest man living right now. Yeah. My name is Clancy. I'm from Vegas. I'm the Iceman. Utsi. Utsi is the name of that old Iceman. Yeah.

Yeah. But if they find an older one, does he then have to, does he do a Winona forever? Yeah. Right. Yeah. He's got to do, or yeah. Or just puts a hat on it. Or he just becomes a heart, like, no, I'm really into the second oldest.

Yeah, double down. He just doubled down. Yeah, I'm just like, no. I'm sort of. I'm all Utsi. I'm the Utsi of my group of friends. He had three arrows in his satchel. Yeah.

You're right, though. They always have a pretty good. And then if somebody dies now, they're like, I don't know, blunt something. Something blunt. But back then, they're like, it was a cougar for sure. Oh, if someone dies now is like, oh, opioids. Well, that's true. Yeah.

If anybody's frozen from this time period. Oh, that's the other thing is you don't know. You don't know of your generation who's going to be the frozen. Yeah. I might be the representative of this time, which would be be, I guess they were all kind of out of shape. Nothing but something called a burrito. He had a tattoo on his arm of some older person. Anyways.

Some older burrito person. Some older burrito person You might fall into an ice crevice Or into tar I guess And you could be preserved Amber fall asleep in an amber Wave You might fall into an ice crevice You might be a redneck

They found a mammoth Like in the 30s Like a living No not, not a living. Like they thawed out. Barely alive. And it was this big thing. All these scientists ate the mammoth. Well, they should have put up a sign.

This is real. Like they did. These scientists, like they got the mammoth. Then they were like, quick. Stinks. So it was melting, you know, thawing. Yeah, quick. And so they, like, you know, did science-y things, and they're like, I guess we eat it.

And they did a big mammoth roast. Like, people living in the 20th century ate a mammoth. So in best century. Yeah, yeah. Case in point. If they found one of those frozen people, they'd be like, apparently they consisted on a diet of mammoth. That doesn't make any sense. Our timeline's completely out of place.

They have large scientist brains and a belly full of mammoth. Yeah, according to this pictogram, somebody brought the ribs over to the car. It tipped the car over. And this mammoth had traces of ootsie in it. I want to call things pictograms more. It feels like, isn't that like something they would say? They, scientists. Pictogram here.

Some sort of pictogram. Turn on the pictogram here. Some sort of pictogram. Turn on the pictogram. They had a yabba-dabba-do time. In the yabba-dabba-do times. A dabba-do time. Yeah, so a lady got in my grill. Yes. Re my dog's talent.

Which we are working on. We have a Dremel. Oh, okay. Sure. What's a Dremel? It's like a spinning Like a sander? Yeah like a little tiny sander For his nails

Oh okay Right I got it That's kind of fun Dog spa Yeah He doesn't love it No

He's set in his ways We can clip them But no one likes to do that No What if you go too deep? Yeah they bleed Yeah That's scary Just like humans We can clip them, but no one likes to do that. No. What if you go too deep? Yeah, they bleed. Mm-hmm.

Ugh. Yeah. That's scary. Just like humans. Mm-hmm. Yeah, I guess so. I guess so, yeah. Although more likely your nail will make another part of your bleed, I think. Boy, oh boy, will it ever.

Man, oh man. Especially. I gotta get these nails professionally done. These look terrible. My. You had them professionally done recently, didn't you? Your toenails. Toenails.

Oh, okay. Anita buffed my fingernails the other day. Now, does your wife know about Anita? No. Keep it on the DL.

It's fun to have them because they're so shiny. So shiny. I love it. But then you're constantly afraid of like scuffing. Yeah which happens inevitably yeah yeah that's it that's hands for it man man oh man but you're like uh you're a glove guy yeah i mean uh i don't think i even

own a pair of gloves uh i think i own some mitts. I gave away my, I had a pair of gloves and somebody, I was talking about this with, uh, uh, Sophie buttle about how cool it is. If somebody admires something that you're wearing or whatever, you just give it to them. Oh, Oh yeah. That's like a real cool glasses that way. I gave away a pair of gloves like that. Cause I didn't, I don't really love, love them. So I bet somebody was like, oh, nice gloves. And I was like, you know what?

They're yours. There you go. Oh, that's amazing. You'd look good with fingerless gloves. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. You must own some fingerless gloves. Yeah, you need fingerless gloves. That would be your deal.

Yeah. I've got to get some fingerless gloves. Like Mr. T. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. No, you guys are right. I'm going to get some fingerless gloves. Miser gloves, I call them. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, you guys are right. I'm going to get some fingerless gloves. Yeah.

Miser gloves, I call them. Oh. Yeah. Yeah, I think that would fit your style. What's going on with you? I was in Winnipeg, Manitoba. Burr. Man, oh man.

Minus 40. Whoa. That's the same in Fahrenheit as it is in Celsius. That's where it crosses over. Is that really? Minus 40. So yeah, just like usually if you go to a place like Winnipeg in the winter, especially if you're from BC and you say, boy, it's cold here. Everybody makes fun of you forever and just says how it's not cold.

This was not that. This was like people were like, this is cold. This is like authentically cold. Yeah. So. Up on Dunn. It's the kind of cold that you go outside and like the inside of your nose freezes. Your eyes kind of feel different.

You feel like you could die. Yeah. Like I went to at one point. So I was staying at a condo that the comedy club that I was playing put me up in. How long were you there? Was there almost a week. Why? Do they do that there?

Yeah. You're like Tuesday to Sunday or something? Tuesday to, yeah. Saturday? To Saturday. And the condo's right across the street from a mall, so you can walk over and get groceries. But I went and did that and then I came back and my face was all like blotchy and red,

like had like kind of welts on my face. Right. So I was like, well. And the grocery store, they were only selling mammoth meat. Oh no. David mammoth meat. I lost a lot of phonemes there.

Frozen mammoth meat mammoth I said mammoth meat it's like really gritty meat yeah

swears swears all over it's cool there's nothing apparently there's only male yeah there's no females

in there that's why they went extinct um now in Winnipeg i've been many times but i haven't been in a while do they have they have like an underground tunnel system for downtown yeah oh but not where you were no not where not where i was staying because the club club was kind of out in the suburbs and the place where you're staying is also kind of near that.

Right. And so you, I wasn't downtown or anything. Like, so I just, I was like, I'm staying indoors. Like I'm getting the ride to the club. Do the club, get the ride back to the condo. Maybe you could just get your groceries at the club. I was, I ate at the club a lot. Yeah.

I need some lemon wedges. Yeah. How many olives can I have with this martini? And do people show up? Yeah. Like they're like, even in this weather, they're going to go. Cause a lot of the shows, so this was this weird thing that, uh, it was a lot of the shows that were fundraisers. that was a lot of the shows that were fundraisers.

So that was what like a good chunk of the audience was made up of a fundraiser for this thing or that thing. But several shows in a row was for something called Safe Grad, which I had never heard of Safe Grad before. I've heard of Dry Grad, which is a no drinking. No penetrative sex. No penetrative sex. Yeah, exactly. No nothing below the belt, I think.

It's all topside. You can dry. You can dry, Greg. That's true. But have you ever heard of SafeGrad? No. No, me neither. I think it might be a Winnipeg thing.

Right. Did you find out what it was? Yeah, it's the kids are allowed to drink, but they're locked, like they're locked in somewhere. Oh, of course. Cause they. So they can't go cause any trouble or whatever. We call those lock-ins, but, but where I'm from, you, you weren't allowed to drink at those anyway, because we weren't allowed to drink till we were 21. Right.

Right. Yeah. Yeah. This was like, I think think everybody like because probably the liquor age is 19 so some people would be that but most people wouldn't so they just like lock them in a gym i guess and let them drink there's some trash cans there's a toilet yeah yeah you weren't performing for teenagers no no this was the parents raising money for the safe grad but they said it like it's like that's a universal thing that everybody does

right and uh and that's like a charity yeah like we're raising money for like i mean comedy is not that lucrative yeah Yeah. But I think like they were selling tickets, like 50, 50 tickets at the show, that kind of thing. Sure. And, uh,

yeah, so safe, safe grab was something I learned about on the fly. And then, uh, at the, at the condo, it's just like you're stuck there until your parents pick you up drunk

or i guess hung over the next morning i don't know if they like if it's like they're supposed to stay it's not all yes do they have to keep their hands on a new car the whole time it just felt so much like for whom safety is this about? Like it doesn't feel like locking a bunch of drunk teenagers in a room is safe. That's definitely not safe. But I guess, but it's kind of like a safe. Yes.

Thank you. It would be cool in a gymnasium if it was like overnight and they were like, well, we were done dancing. Now let's get out the utility balls yeah exactly lower the basketball hoops and let's uh break out those mini trampolines and do some sledsucks yeah let's try to do some let's become you know vine famous doing weird basketball tricks drunk maybe it's safe grad because like they, they have just like a kind of obnoxiously like little amount of alcohol.

So everybody gets like one drink. Then they're locked in there the rest of the night. Yeah. And I think if you're a teenager and you get one drink, you can probably convince yourself. I'm so drunk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it hasn't hit you yet? I'm flying, man. I'm going to barf. Yeah, I'm seeing things. No, that's not what drinking does. Got trees, the tree's melting.

Yeah, my hands are so big. You just have big hands. My feet are so wide. It's so comfortable to stand i love this um and then yeah the rest of the time like i they had cable television so i watched basically one channel the paramount network which was previously spike and i can't tell you enough that it is now the paramount network because every ad break was like we we're now the Paramount Network, so don't get us confused.

Same programming type? Same programming. Okay. Except that, I don't know if it's like a turnover time, but like it would just be the whole day was one show. Yeah. But every day it was a different one show.

That's every cable network. That's like, yeah. Oh, is it? Yeah. Just like, yeah. 50 cake bosses in a row. Yeah. Then 50 say yes to the dresses. So this was, yeah, one day was like, uh, just lip sync battle, which, uh, I mean, that show

is fun to watch for as long as it takes one song to be sung. I don't know how they convince somebody like, no, there's, there's a half hour in here. If we dig down, we can, I think we could get a half hour out of this. And is it like the old putting on the hits, which was the same thing back when I was little? That you do it and the judges give you like a score? They get the audience. Oh, the audience. Is it celebrities?

It's celebrities. Oh, celebrities. What tier of celebrity is it celebrities it's celebrities oh what celebrities tier of celebrity is it i think top tier i think the first season was top like obama top tier and then as it's gone on because it became more and more like i have you, the latest episode had Tara Lipinski on it. Uh, figure skaters? Yeah, yeah.

So wherever that. What, um, uh, are the Olympics on? I don't know, they weren't on the Paramount Network. Uh,

what is, uh, who hosts this show? Oh, Alfonso Ribeiro. No, uh, another L, LL Cool J. LL Cool Alfonso Ribeiro. No, uh, another L,

LL Cool J. LL Cool J? LL Cool J. And, uh, uh, Chrissy Teigen. Okay.

Is the co-host. And then, but it really is like, it is four minutes of programming stretched to its absolute. Oh. Because it is just, they don't even lip sync to the whole song

they lip sync to a part they truncate the song and mostly the gag seemed to be that the guy would sing a song that was a girl that seemed to be the audience never got sick of that twist

or at least the person putting in audience sounds he never got sick of that twist. Right. Or at least the person putting in audience sounds. Yeah. He never got sick of it. The audience loves this. Yeah. Now, before the Spike, before the Paramount Network

was Spike TV, was it the Nashville Network? Oh, maybe. Yeah. There was definitely a switch in programming then. Yeah, but this seems to be like we're just being the shows that we have. There were no ads.

It was just ads for the other shows. Oh. Reminding you that it is now the Paramount Network. Right. I haven't forgotten, and I wasn't even there watching this. Yeah. One day was all Bar Rescue, which is a favorite. Is that like, uh, like kitchen nightmare kind of like, there's a guy who doesn't know how to run a bar.

I don't know. There's flies in this bottle. What's the, this is the show. Yeah. Yeah. Right. And who's the guy or who's the. John Taffer. John Taffer. what's the yeah this is the show yeah yeah right and who's the guy or who's the john taffer john

taffer what's his um what's the thing that every uh bar does wrong oh i mean they they don't know they don't know how long to do a pour they're over pouring over pouring you're serving people way too much alcohol that's always going to cut into your profit line. And besides, that's illegal. You're serving more than an ounce of drink. Yeah. What about a, is there a mechanical bull? Is that a good thing or a bad thing? You know, I think if it goes with the theme of the bar, but he didn't like, there was one bar that had women

wrestling in spaghetti and he did not. He said that that was no. Linguine. Yeah. This is a, this is a, a yeah this is a rigatoni state yeah and uh you've the spaghetti doesn't hold the sauce like a fettuccine he does was it because they were it was just like an unsanctioned weird yeah and he was just like what the hell are you doing and i mean fair enough like there's a lot of there's a lot wrong with it yeah and then there was one where they like uh in the off hours uh the manager had rented out the bar to a porno yeah you know like a film yeah yeah yeah so they

shot it in the bar and he's like ah gross ah, gross. Like, where did you guys porn? Did you porn on the bar? Did you porn? Of course they did. Like, they're not just going to. He was so mad at them. Was it in the same place as the spaghetti? No, two different. This is two different episodes.

Oh, I'd love to see some spaghetti porn. Oh, I mean, I'm sure that is. Yeah, just you can find it right now. All sorts of pasta porn. Oh, I mean, I'm sure that is. Yeah, just you can find it right now. All sorts of pasta porn. Oh, sure. In Italy. Yeah, real fancy bow tie. But yeah, so it was too cold to go out exploring the city.

So it was just like comedy club, condo, Paramount Network. Oh, man. One trip to the grocery store and you're like never again yeah yeah was it so cold that they had mammoth meat you got there we'll just splice that in no problem done and done um do we want to move on to a little bit of business yeah life can this week we have an ad as a part of our business. And the show, our show, is supported by you, the donor. But it's supplemented by Squarespace. And if you're somebody out there, you want to make a website, guess what?

You don't have to go to the top guy in the land who knows how to make websites. You used to have to go to his or her house, sit on their couch, talk to them for hours while they made you a website. Yeah, they would give you the ottoman to sit websites. You used to have to go to his or her house, sit on their couch, talk to them for hours while they made you a website. Yeah, they would give you the ottoman to sit on because they want the couch. Yeah, and then they'd measure out little website pieces

and put it in a tiny plastic bag for you and here's your website. And you go home, you don't know what to do with it. But you spent all this money and you just got a little plastic bag full of website pieces. Yeah, yeah. And now

cut that person completely out of the equation. You make your own website with your vision. Yeah. So Dave, say you wanted to make a website. Thanks to Squarespace. And you wanted to make a website say about hot rods. Okay.

Yeah, like Ratfink? Yeah, yeah. You thinking about Ratfink? I'm thinking about Ratfink. If you want to turn that cool idea into a website, Squarespace has got it. Yeah, I could make a Ratfink website.

Ratfink is that little squiggly character who rides a little hot rod? Yeah, he's like a green mouse. Oh, yeah, yeah. He's an angry little green mouse. Yeah, yeah. He's mischievous.

You can sell Ratfink products. Oh, that's if I have a website? Yeah, that's right. That you made on Squarespace. You can announce an upcoming event. Ratfink Con. And you can do this. And services.

I could do services. Absolutely. Like a funeral service for Ratfink. Oh, no. Has he? No. Yeah. I thought he was eternal.

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Hey, this is Griffin McElroy. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. And we've got a new podcast on Max One Fun called Wonderful. Wonderful. It's an enthusiast podcast where we talk about things that we're excited about and things that you're excited about. Things like overalls. 24-hour Sudafed.

The grand prize game, the fact that wombats use their butts to kill predators, the soundtrack to the movie Dick Tracy, the beach potion we call Bud Lightline. All these things and more every Wednesday and we'll also talk about things that you're excited about.

You can find us on MaximumFun.org or iTunes or wherever. I don't know, just search Wonderful. Google it, you'll probably get there. Wherever. I don't know. Just search Wonderful. Google it.

You'll probably get there. Overheard. Overheard. This is where you may have heard something great out there. Or, you know, something kind of in the middle of the road, in my case. But then we bring them here, and then we share amongst ourselves. ourselves And Mark, we always like to start with the guests Oh, that's so nice of you Yeah, yeah, yeah

We're nice boys We'll see if this counts And if it doesn't, we'll move on So I went and saw Katy Perry in concert last night Last night? What? Yeah Wow

With whom? With Anita Was she so hot she melted your popsicle? I was sitting really far away. Popsicle intact. Was this, how long, did you get tickets? I got tickets in January. I thought, and it's whatever date it is now, but I said.

It's the Olympics. I texted because Anita's leaving town. She leaves town a lot. She says for work. I said, I texted her, I was like, hey, you still in town on the 6th? And she said, yeah. And I said, ooh, I have a secret date. And then, like, two hours later, she texted back, and she was like, is it Katy Perry?

I had no idea. Like, it's not like we, like, sit at home and go go, I can't wait for Katy Perry to show up here. But it's also the kind of thing she could have just Googled, Vancouver events. Yeah, she figured it out pretty easily. But two hours isn't, she could figure that out in two minutes, you'd think. It might have even been less than two hours.

But she was doing something else at the time. So we went, and it was a big, full laundry arena. It sounds like I considered it, because I like a lot of her songs. Yeah, sure. I don't find her annoying. Yeah. I find her very pretty. Yeah.

So far you've said everything I feel. What a voice. But it was like, well, I'll get to the overhanging segment. And you know it's going to be a good show. Yeah. And it was, it's, but I have the same critique of like most concerts I go to where it's like 30 minutes of really boring because they just go too long or something about it. And they want to show you a side of themselves that you don't care about. Yeah.

But I think they also want to stretch it out. So when you get to the end song in the encore, you're like, oh, I lived through it. And there they are, the two like hits. But would people be mad if you came out and it was a short show? Would people feel like they didn't get their money's worth? I think that might be some of the mentality. But interestingly, like... Let me interrupt you again and say, if the audience is just 13-year-old girls, then it's

their first concert. What do they know? Yeah. I don't know. And I, well, I, and also part of the argument could be like that they believe that every minute of their show is amazing. Yeah. You know, which, and like, and they did put a lot of work even into like the kind of the

boring middle, which every concert has. Where she reads the constitution. Well, there's always, I wish there's, some Garfields. There's always the bathroom break song, right? And it's like clear. It's like the song starts and everybody gets up. I wonder if they can see that. They have to.

Like this has to be like a known thing, you know. But at one point in the show, so this isn't really an overheard, but at one point in the show, she calls her dad and she does that. I mean, it's a live call. Like it's for sure a live call. Cause unless they like really practiced a very stilted and awkward conversation and they recorded it and then she does really good acting

of being like, what? Oh, what? Uh, so she pulled out this giant novelty phone, like an old timey phone receiver, and she calls her dad. And so in the, in the kind of the deal here was like the dad who lives in Santa Barbara had lived in Vancouver. Oh, and by the way, Katy Perry said Vancouver, I didn't count, but at least 30 times. And it every time got the same response from the audience.

Oh my God. She knows where she is. We're here too. People just lost their shit. She called her dad and like her dad's like, yeah, I lived in Vancouver when I was a hippie in the 60s and I was there and it was beautiful. Avoiding the draft. People, yeah. People couldn't

couldn't like they loved it so much and then like clearly he was coached to say because he hadn't been here since then he was coached to say buy a japa dog oh well close in front of 40 000 and everybody was just kind of like this like sounded out dad jeez so i did feel like i was eavesdropping on a conversation get a chaplain dog get a Chapo dog. Oh, wow. That's great. That counts as an overhands. That's fantastic.

Or Katy Perry's dad says something. Yeah, yeah. And that was Carly Rae Jepsen. We skipped her. We went to Shambar before the show. And then, and actually,

I heard that when we got there, she actually didn't play last night. She only played Monday. Oh. And there was a different person. I don't know. That's like by the didn't play last night. She only played Monday. And there was a different person. I don't know. That's like by the, by the person who was sitting next to me at the, who is Anita every day, uh, kind of blend in together.

But I thought I saw some, some, uh, Instagram stories of Carly Rae Jepsen. Sure. Oh, she, she might've, she might've been there last night. I am now a kitty cat. Katie cat. Yeah. Congratulations. I chap a dog. Yeah. Japa dog a kitty cat. Katie cat. Yeah. Congratulations. A Jaffa dog.

Yeah, a Jaffa dog. I'm a Katie cat. A Chinese hot dog. A Katie cat is one of her fans? Yeah. If you're a fan, you're a Katie cat. Okay. And I think you have to have little glowing ears.

If you're scared of her. You're a Katie scared. No. Katie cat, right? Oh, right, right. Or a scaredy cat. Yeah, a scaredy cat. I wonder if that's like a, you know how they map out what parts of the country say pop or soda or whatever. Or a frady cat versus scaredy cat.

Yeah. Yeah. The people that say pop definitely say frady cat. Yeah. People who are from my part of the country. We're Taylor Swift fans, where we come from. What are they? Swift.

Swift currents. Swifties. Because Lady Gaga has her little monsters. Little monsters. Kesha has animals. Yeah. The Metallica has... The lovers.

The lovers. What? Iron Maiden had... Yeah. Deadheads are Grateful Dead. the lovers lovers what iron maiden head yeah dead heads are grateful dead uh cheese heads are green bay packers fans um believers believers yeah yeah uh michael jackson had michael jackson fan that's true yeah Yeah. Uh, I don't know. I don't know. I think that's all of them. I think we named all of them.

Taylor Swift. What are, I'm just, I have to know. I think there's gotta be called something. Yes. Jonathan Swift. Yes.

Swift. Like they're the Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift,

Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, Swift, go. Yeah, they're Swiffers, Sweepers. Sweepers. They're, oh, they're. Mammoth Meats. Mammoth Meats.

What about Lord? Swifties. They're Swifties. Swifties. That is. We were basically right. Yeah. Yeah.

Swifties. Swifties. Okay. Do you want to know if I haven't overheard? Yes, please. Dave, do you have an overheard? Here's one that I haven't overheard but i also would like to share this um margo our three-year-old gets a little bit of youtube time on the old ipad arena

and it's really starting to affect the way she talks oh okay because the other day we were playing hide and go seek i was hiding under the blanket. Yeah. I heard her say, who's under the blanket? Mommy or daddy? Put your guess in the comments. Pretty good. Don't forget to like and subscribe. So my actual overheard, I was walking the dog,

and I heard a woman talking to two 8-year-old kids, and she was sort of at the back of her car loading something in, and I heard her say, It's fun, but in a really different way than downhill skiing. And I looked over, and she was loading in cross-country skis. And I just just thought you liar yeah no fun at all it's work in the way that downhill skiing isn't very different yeah cross-country skiing wait i'm saying that i'm just realizing having never cross-country

i have it's uh it's just a uh it's a hike yeah it is it's like and it's just a, uh, it's a hike. Yeah, it is. It's like, and it's, if you get, uh, hilly, then it becomes like really hard work. Oh, cause you have to go up. You have to go up. Right. You know, and these, you have to make a V shape and climb up a hill on these skis. It's great if you're just want to get back to the earth, you know, if you want. If you want to, you know, leave your body to be discovered in a few thousand years. Yes. It's the perfect way to do that.

With David Mamet. Yeah. You want to just leave, have a belly full of venison and some arrows in your quiver. He survived that fight. But it went on. But it was some kind of ski that killed him. He broke a rib, probably in a scuffle at the bar. Yeah, he died

200 meters from Hope. Yeah, anyways, cross-country skiing. Give it a try. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Watch it on the Olympics. Yeah, that's true.

Can't wait for that biathlon. Oh, my favorite. Biathlon, Hope, my favorite. Yeah. Ski, ski, shoot. Ski, ski, shoot. Put away the rifle you make a stew

dance dance revolution yeah ski ski kiss oh yeah and then gold silver uh bronze age uh the olympics are on right now february 9th to february 25th nice well you know what in russia world uh south. South Korea. What am I? So go. Oh, because it's the summer Olympics. No. I'm just kidding. You. Don't you joke about the winter Olympics.

The only Olympics that Canada's good in. Yeah. Come on. Yeah. I had no idea that it was this soon. That's crazy. Yeah. Well, it's so soon that it's happening right now and we're watching it.

Yeah. All right. Here they go. Ring a bell. Ring a bell. While they go around the last oh they did it oh boy go norway yeah so sorry all of russia was not allowed to compete yeah they're allowed to compete but not as russia oh okay independent they're sort of independent i'm competing as the gap yeah they can pick whoever. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm, I'm, uh, you know, I'm competing for a friendship. You know, I,

uh, competing on behalf of jealousy. Um, my overheard is, uh, was said directly to me. Ah, it doesn't count.

It doesn't. No, no, this counts. This counts. Has never count. No, no, this counts. Has never counted. After one of the shows at the comedy club, Rumors. Woo!

I had a good time. It was a great club. It's the only, it's the Fleetwood Mac themed comedy club? Yes. Yeah. Every night you come out to years of age. Yeah. That's not them is that them no

carly simon oh yeah um in your headliner tonight we'll lay you down in the tall grass and let him do his stuff uh this lady came up to the show and she said um she's like uh oh i got a a free pass to the show um it but it was almost expired but they let us use it anyway you see and she kind of looked around she's like i work at the dump and we're not supposed to scavenge but and then she said don't tell anyone and i was like i'm telling everyone thousands of people and we're not supposed to scavenge yeah oh god but scaven she did yeah yeah so i wonder if she just saw it like like a crow to uh you know a piece of tinfoil and just like look at that a ticket yeah and just brought it in. It's all covered in coffee grounds. Banana peel.

It's almost expired, but they let us do it. Well, then it's not breaking any rule. But it says it's not supposed to be applied to SafeGrad fundraisers. But yeah, it made me laugh. Not supposed to scavenge.

We're not to strict, no scavenging rule, but I got a scavenger's heart. Yeah. On the, like in the office wall, there's just a couple of rules posted. One don't scavenge.

Yeah. Two. What's another rule guys. Don't keep saying that the dump stinks. We know. Stop saying this job stinks. Take nothing but garbage. Take nothing but garbage. Leave nothing but garbage.

I'm feeling down to the dumps, which is great. And then it's a picture of somebody like stoked that they're working there. I would work at a dump. I'll say it here unequivocally. What?

You would? Dave, I would. I would work at the dump. But Graham, you would hate a job like that. No, but Graham, think it through. You said a lot of the things that have shocked me, but I would work at the dump. It takes the cake.

You know for a fact you're not allowed to scavenge. Yeah, that's true. I mean, I would really be pushing that scavenging line. And your doctor told you you need to get a couple hours of scavenging in every day for your heart. Do you do any exercise? Do you scavenge? Do you rummage? Try some rummaging or scavenging.

Look at how healthy these raccoons are. We scavenge and rummage. We mentioned the Pixies documentary a couple of weeks ago. Yep. Loud, quiet, loud or quiet? Anyway, and I Googled it and it's all on YouTube, maybe? Vivo? Sure.

Who? Who? Too old? Something? Vimeo? Some sort of. So I started watching it. I will.

I would watch it. I don't have any time. But I, the drummer, since the breakup of the Pixies, he's like, I've been getting into two things, magic and metal detecting.

Wow. That's so great. Magic and the magic of metal. And he's got a whole kit at the beach. He's got his metal detector. He's got like uh uh like a basically a you know um a filter yeah like a scoop filter a scoop filter not that i know anything about them it seems like strainer if i was uh if i was made to go on a holiday to like some hot place that's what I'd want to do is do metal detecting. Well, the thing is like, it's an activity at least.

And you can find something kind of worth something maybe, right? Or not. Or not. But it just gives you something to do. Yeah, it gives you something to do. Yeah. You know, at a beach. I don't see, I don't see what else you're supposed to do at a beach.

I see. Play football? No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, yeah. see what else you're supposed to do at a beach i play football i see uh i i see no problem in making and drawing that connection between magic and metal yeah like i feel like that's like a match made in heaven even though i think they're both things you just have to be inside your own brain for a long time practicing a trick over and over like yeah doing a card trick over and over like yeah doing card trick over and over yeah or just like like getting a tune to the to the to the varied tones of your metal detector well i remember it's uh i did like a thing years ago for cbc music that was weird products endorsed by musicians and one of the rolling stones has his

own metal detector yeah Like signature metal detector. Wow. Yeah. Do you think you could make more money metal detecting on the beach or as a TSA guy picking up a salary? Hmm. That's a very good question because you do get a lot of, you could probably get a lot of scrap metal from people's water bottles. You know, they didn't. No, I just mean like getting paid to be a TSA. Oh, I see. Just the hourly rate. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. probably get a lot of scrap metal from people's water bottles you know they didn't know i just

mean like getting paid to be yeah oh i see just the hourly rate yeah okay yeah i think i think i think a tsa guy would make yeah i don't think like i've never heard of a metal detector person picking up anything but like a barrel of radioactive waste yeah like it's never something there's people i think even in this in vanc there's like, who will like help you find your lost ring or like whatever. Like if you're like, oh my God, I left my ring. Like it's my wedding rings in the ocean. And then there's like a group of superhero vigilantes. Not quite the right word.

But who are like. When the laws turned its back on you. Yeah, I used the wrong word. So what, where were you when you lost your ring? Well, I was rounding third base with a manatee. Okay, we're not going to get that back. That's out of our purview. And with the emphasis on purv.

Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people around the planet. You want to send one in to us, send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. Graham says around the planet. It's a flat the planet. Oh, yeah, that's right. Across the flat plane. This was the first one comes from Nicole T. In Pittsburgh Pennsylvania Nicole Thurdinger

From the Pussycat Doll She's on this season Of Lip Sync Battle Of course she is I don't know what song She's lip syncing to But boy It looks like she had

A lot of fun doing it It'll be a man singing It might have been A Pussycat Doll's song I think Maybe that's foreboding But maybe not I don't

I'm just Saying that maybe they were all. Dave, even her. She broke away from the group. She had a solo career. You know what? That was rude. This is an exchange that just happened between a mother and a tour guide at the college I'm working at.

The tour guide is from England and has an accent. After a little chat about that, the mother of the student says, in an accent, Oh, I can do an accent too. Fools a lot of people. What do you think? And he answered, Well, you sound like someone who's watched a lot of Mary Poppins.

There was a movie added to Netflix yesterday? Mm-hmm. Or, you know, before the Olympics. And I don't know why this is... The Olympics on Netflix? Is this a 10-year ongoing joke that, like, who cares that a podcast is recorded before it was released? Of course it was.

But it's a movie... Oh, shoot, I don't know what it's called of course it was uh but it's it's a movie oh shoot i don't know what it's called um but it has jason statham and i'm listening yeah and uh uh james franco and it's like in um it takes place in america and jason statham is a farmer and i can't tell if he's trying to do an american like i i kind of zip through it a bit to find the j Jason Statham is a farmer and I can't tell if he's trying to do an American like I I kind of zip through it a bit to find the Jason Statham scenes I don't know if he's trying to have an American accent but he's not pulling it off but maybe he's British but it's not also like it's it's weird there's also a movie where he's got hair and it's like, oh yeah, weird. Nope. Jason.

Yeah. It's I posit that that movie with him trying to do an American accent is like, if he kind of hits it at the beginning and if you're still watching it, doesn't matter the accent well or not, I feel like they must have, there must be an explanation at the beginning that he's. Like the, like the Jean Claude Van Damme explanation where they're always like, well, you're from Quebec in this movie.

And so they just like say, it's like, yes. Or like, or like, well, since your mother is French or whatever. Yeah, it's, um. You carry the gene.

Yeah. The French accent gene. But it's kind of like, cause you know, you know, everyone on the wire was British. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But like, Jason Statham cannot, I cannot see him pulling that off. No, but by the time he's impaling somebody with a pitchfork, he's a farmer, right? Yeah.

Driving a tractor over somebody's head. You're like, ah, this is fine. I'm in, I'm in. He's wearing, I'm picturing him wearing a straw hat.

Me too. I was picturing him Wearing a straw hat Me too And overalls I was picturing him With overalls And like some sort of hat And an evil drug lord Has injected him With some kind of

Cow hormone And he's gotta get Milked every minute Or he'll die You have to milk me You have to milk me This next one Comes from

Ryan From Albuquerque, New Mexico Whoa! Ryan! Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding, ding Oh, how exciting Fellow countryman I'm from the country, mate I'm from Albuquerque

You've got milk me every hour You get to milk me Where can I get some queso around here? My eight-year-old daughter, Riley, was having a play date with a very religious girl from school. They were in my daughter's bedroom playing pretend when I overheard the following. Riley, let's pretend we are sisters who live on a farm. Christian girl, but Riley, we are sisters. Riley, Christian girl, we're all God's children and that makes us sisters.

Riley, okay, whatever. So let's pretend we are sisters who live on a farm. Didn't ask for your life story. just want to play a farm game all right pretend about the farm part there at least you didn't say we're all sister wives sister we're all sisters and someday yeah join me won't you um oh riley i like uh you um oh riley i like uh i do like the idea of when kids are like coming up with a game and they're explaining like the rules and the who's like you're this yeah i'm that yeah and then uh no but you don't have any magical powers yeah you're a wizard but you only if you pick up that stick margo's a big hide and seeker at the moment.

Yeah. And it's a lot of, uh, uh, she'll hide just exactly where I was last time. Cause it was a good spot. Yeah. It was proven. This is a proven quality spot.

Took me forever to find this spot. And sometimes while I'm counting, she'll say, actually, I would like to hide right where you're counting. So would you mind moving? Yes. We,

we all do that. Don't forget to like and subscribe. Yeah. And then I will just narrate where I'm looking like an idiot. Well, Margo couldn't be in here. Looking in the closet. Well, she was here last time. She wouldn't be stupid enough.

This last one, this comes in from two people, Ian and Allison. she wouldn't be stupid enough. This last one, this comes in from two people, Ian and Allison. Oh, that's nice. Sure. Are they my parents sharing an email address? Overheard courtesy of my wife on the packed morning commute via the train.

She was crammed next to a man on the train who was using his phone phone camera as a mirror. He checked his slick back hair, adjusted his pencil thin mustache before exclaiming under his breath. Ooh la la. Ooh la la. Ooh la la. John Waters, I know. Yeah, yeah.

I know what I like. This is working for me. I'm so debonair on this crammed bus. Ooh la la. Yeah, I guess I don't say ooh la la enough to my reflection. You know what? And 2018 is going to be the year after the Olympics. I give myself a few hubba-hubbas.

Can you imagine having the self-respect and esteem to say ooh-la-la to yourself? Instead of just like, ugh. Yeah, instead of like, ugh. Yeah. Again. What the hell? The hell's that? How did this happen?

Ooh la la is French for, I need to drink more water. Ooh la la, I need more sleep. How do I have more chins from this angle? In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. The phone number is 1-2-3-4-5-6-7-8-9-10-11-12-13-14-15-16-17-18-19-20. Oh, whoops. It's 1-844-779-7631 or 1. Ugh.

Bye-bye. Bye. The gangsters have attached these udders to my stomach. Look, you have to milk me. I'm a farmer from America. Trying to get my daughter back. I need my daughter back. Where's my daughter?

Do you have my daughter? Quick, give me my daughter. Quick. How many quids do you, I mean money, American dollars do you require? I'll smash you, break you. Like bangers and regular sauce. Oh, no. Just got out of a car smash.

Rick. Our steering wheel's on the wrong side. I mean the proper side. Just stand in this queue. Line. Just stand in this line. just standing in this line you need a line this grain lift i mean grain elevator that's not what that is okay hi dave and gra, and maybe a guest. This is Joe Paul calling from Connecticut with an overheard of the Kids Say the Darnest Variety.

At work today, I work at an optical shop inside of Walmart, and there was a mother and her two sons being helped by one of my coworkers. And the two boys wander off to take a look at some of the kids' glasses, and I hear the mom say, well, don't touch anything. Of course, I also hear the sound of them touching all the glasses and trying them on and all that. And later on, they're starting to make a little bit extra noise, so she chimes in, I told you not to touch anything.

And one of the little boys says, oh, I'm just trying to put this back. And she says, Well, if you weren't touching anything, why would there be something that you need to put back? And he, there's a science, and he goes, It's a long story. I'd like to talk to a lawyer. I don't think it's a long story.

Well, there I was. See, there was this bird. It seems there was this. Seems I had wandered into an optical shop in a Walmart in Connecticut. Why I was at any of those places, I don't know. My vision's not great, Mom. I don't know exactly what happened. Anyways, I don't want to get into it.

I think we both said some things we regret. If you really want to dig this up, we can. Yeah. Next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, fabulous guest. This is Josh from Coquitlam. So I was on the expo line and I overheard a guy in his forties and a woman in her twenties think they were on a date.

Uh, and she was not having a good time. Uh, eventually he stopped talking about comic books. Uh, and then he started talking about, uh, uh,

he started talking about how much more testosterone he had than your average 40-year-old. Nice. Which he chose to punctuate with the line, yeah, I've got swimmers and fighters. Love the show, guys. Take it easy. Swimmers and fighters? Yeah. Oh, God.

Huh. What does that mean? It means he's got swimmers, so they're still alive. Uh-huh. Yeah. And then they fight so he can fertilize one egg with seven. Seven to one ratio. Yeah.

The golden ratio when it comes to. Spermos. Sperms. Sperm. Yeah. That's for some reason that was disturbing to me. Yeah. Also.

But it's a first date. Yeah. But like, how do you, I guess you get tested for testosterone? For sperm, I guess.

Yeah. But how do you know how much testosterone you have? You, you pee in a cup. Yeah. Then.

Then you drink it. If you've got enough testosterone. Yeah. You can handle it. Well, no, first you,

you, uh, you climax into a cup. Right. Climax. Ah! Whee! Whee! Fun! That was the peak of today.

And then you pee into that same cup and if any of them are still alive they fight each other. Oh, that's what you do. You climax into a cup and then you get someone else with lesser testosterone to climax into the same cup yeah and they shake it up like an ant like ants in a jar and you see who wins all of yours have been converted into mine. I'm just very enamored. I have very persuasive sperm. I have swimmers, but not fighters. I just love this idea of the sperm testing clinic.

All the people who do it. Whee! That's what they hear all day. Whoa! Yay! Great! That's a good one apparently that's

not a thing which they don't you in the clinics you don't do you don't do it in the clinic

oh that's too bad because it's a lot of sitcoms every yeah totally here's a magazine and a closet that's what and then the doctor just takes it back just home yeah yeah Yeah, totally. Here's a magazine in a closet.

And then the doctor just takes it back, just home. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Great, thank you for this. That's it next to his coffee. That's my magazine, by the way, so keep it. Handbag jugs. This is what I'm into. Oh, boy. And your final overheard

Guys Hey Dave Graham and alleged guests This is Ben from Kentucky calling you with an overheard This weekend I was traveling And I was in a hotel For free breakfast And there was this tall lanky looking High school kid

Standing near the multiple juice dispenser And he Was holding his phone And recording looking high school kid standing near the multiple juice dispensers. And he was holding his phone and recording, and he said, All right, guys, I'm coming at you with another challenge here. This time I've mixed passion fruit with apple juice. Well, away I go do you think he's is he making a youtube video yeah he's on youtube another challenge called easy challenges like challenges that aren't hard by mixing two sweet things oh boy i am i i mean that is the one thing i'm so glad that YouTube wasn't around when I was a kid

because I would have made, that would have been the quality of video. Oh, yeah. Oh, for sure. You know. And here's my review of Little Man Tate starring Jodie Foster. It was pretty good. Went with my mom. We got popcorn.

No butter. I was a little mad about that. Then there's like an audience of thousands watching. Yeah. Hey, did you tune in for Little Dave's Booger? I did see it. I did see that. It was pretty good.

I also watched a challenge video. Pomegranate and apple juice. I can't believe it. But you know what? He drank it. I did. So I did see that. It was pretty good. I also watched a challenge video, pomegranate and apple juice. I can't believe it, but you know what? He drank it down. Yeah. And he said it was pretty good. Yeah.

He had a hamburger, just mustard on it. No ketchup, no relish. Next week, Jeff Goldblum is the tall guy. I would like a, yeah, like a YouTube star that's just doing the Criterion collection. Or just like forgettable 90s movies.

Yeah, yeah. Was it, was Rowan Atkinson in The Tall Guy? I don't remember. Boy, that movie is so forgettable. I just remember the sex scene was a comedic sex scene. Oh, I just remember the cover of the video box and being like, yeah. I don't remember. I have no idea.

I have no memory of this movie. I have to look it up. Jeff Goldblum is the tall guy. And Lee Majors is the fall guy. You guys remember the fall guy? Right. Nice. You're a little older than we are.

I am a lot older than you are. No, no. But you know what i hear you still got swimmers and fighters yeah swimmers and uh self-defense they can they can fuck you up but they don't they won't yeah yeah the key is to be in control yeah they're just in control yeah my speaking of the key, my sperm carry their keys in between their fingers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That little wiggly tail.

My sperm know a lot of get out of easy holds to get out of moves. Yeah. My sperms know my sperms. I love getting up for that. Now, this is the end of this year podcast.

No. Yes. Graham, let's keep going. Okay. All right. All right. Um, Mark, what would you like to plug? What do you got coming up?

In, you know, in the perfect world. In the perfect world. You could plug anything. Yeah. You could plug anything. That happens after the, the 19th. Well, okay. Of February.

Okay. So like, think of the second week of February. Okay. So like, think of the second week of the Olympics. The second week of the Olympics, I'll be hosting an Olympics party. No.

Right now, Sunday service here in Vancouver every Sunday. Come see that. I do have other things coming up later this year, but I don't know those dates.

Yeah. And I think that's the thing to plug right now. Now, what is the Sunday service? Sunday service is an improv show. It happens every Sunday, rain or shine. So it's an indoor-outdoor venue? It's an indoor-outdoor venue, rain or shine. That's the Sky Dome. It is at a place called the Fox Cabaret for those of you here in Vancouver. For those of you who aren't here in Vancouver, it's still the Fox Cabaret. And Vancouver, it's still the Fox. Uh, and, uh, yeah, it's, uh, it's a wild, fun time. It's, uh, me and many of, I think you have all of them on and, uh, all of the other Sunday service folks on.

Um, yeah. So it's, uh, it's a great show. Come see. We always have a standup guest. That's really fun. And there you go. There you go. Good plug.

Solid, solid plug. We are, uh, we have a plug. We are March 8th with the youth of the nation. That's right. POD. This is a March 8th live. Stop podcasting yourself at the Biltmore Cabaret tickets. Please let them be sold by now.

You're making us look like a couple of rubes. Yeah. Uh, and you know what? We look like a couple of rubes. Yeah. And you know what? We'll have a lot of, probably at that live show, we'll have a lot of Olympic recap. Yeah. Like, what was your favorite Olympic that happened this year? Top 10 events? Top 10 gaffes?

Do you remember? Goofs? Cranks? Last week when we were on the show, we had an idea to start our own show about appraising collector cards. Trading cards. Trading cards. No Pokemon. No Pokemon.

Yeah. Usually we let people come on stage and do overheards. Also bring some of your trading cards. Yeah, yeah. We'll appraise them. If you think you have a really real choice, Opeechee. Uh-huh. Some peachy Opeechees. Yeah, yeah. We'll praise them. If you think you have a really real choice, Opeachy. Uh-huh.

Some peachy Opeachys. Yeah, yeah. But remember, once and for all, No Pokemon. No Pokemon, but you would allow like Magic the Gathering. Of course. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah, we're not elitist.

Right, okay. No Pokemon. March 8th. The March 8th. Go to jflnorthwestfortickets.com. jflnorthwest.com for tickets. Mammoth meat. Meat mammoth.

And if you like the show, you can follow us on Twitter at Stop Podcasting. You can go on Reddit. There's a Reddit Maximum Fun thread that you can engage with all you want. We've got a Facebook group. We've got some flyers down at the co-op that you can tear off a little email address. Send us your measurements. We'll send you a jacket.

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