Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 519 - Abdul Aziz

Episode Date: February 26, 2018

Comedian Abdul Aziz joins us to talk soda water, food dehydrators, and bed and breakfasts.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 519 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's always waiting for Friday. Friday. Gonna get down on Friday. Everybody's looking forward to the weekend. The classic Rebecca Black viral hit.

Yeah. Viral anti-hit. Yeah, I don't know why it's been in my head, but, you know, I'm glad it's there. I'm glad it's back. Yeah, I said I was going to come and see your show on Friday, and then you burst into song. It's the only, it's one of the great songs about the days of the week. You know, there's Friday, I'm in love. Uh-huh.

I hate Mondays. Uh-huh. Monday, Mondays. Uh-huh. Monday, Monday. Monday, Monday. Not a lot of songs about Wednesday and Tuesday. Yeah. Yeah, no Tuesday,

you know. Friday night's all right for fighting. That Every Day is a Whining Road by Sheryl Crow. There's a mention that he has a daughter

called Easter. She was born on Tuesday night. Tuesday night. Yeah, that's good. She also has a Tuesday night music club. She owns Tuesday musically. She's sort of on night. Tuesday night, yep, that's good. She also has a Tuesday night music club. She owns Tuesday musically.

She's sort of on my, if I'm doing a calendar of the faces of music. Yeah, Sheryl Crow's on Tuesday. Yeah. Who's on, who do you think on Wednesday? Who's on Wednesday? Yeah, who's on Wednesday? Oh, boy. Bobby Brown because it's hump day and everyone's humping around.

Really good. Dave, really good. I'm gonna take the rest of the day off yeah smoke them if you got them yeah have a ciggy and go lie in my tanning bed for a few hours he likes to mix his carcinogens and then uh what are the other what are some other good carcinogens? I mean you know Rub some motor oil on your face Baby corns? My mom used to say that if you have too many baby corns

You got cancer I think that she just didn't like baby corn I think she didn't want my sister to eat all the baby corn Oh I did hear that The one way you can definitely get cancer Is if your hand fits over your face. Yeah, or if you stay up too late. That man who just put his hand on his face and he got faced by Dave.

Yeah. A comedian, a producer. He is the co-host of a Dungeons & Dragons podcast. I don't know if it's just you alone. It would be so sad if it was just me playing all the characters. Yeah. It's called Sprite Lore. Sprout Lore or Spout Lore?

Spout Lore. Spout Lore. It's Abdul Aziz as our guest. Hello. Hello. What is some Sprite Lore? I know there's Abdul Aziz is our guest. Hello. Hello. What is some sprite lore? Oh. I know there's a lot of rumors about Coca-Cola, but fewer about sprite.

I was going to say something about Fido Dito, but he was 7-Up. Yeah. And the spot was also 7-Up. Yeah. He was the spot that wore sunglasses. My mind just went automatically to the fantasy character sprites oh yeah what is a sprite? let's play the theme song

is it black? is it white? why don't you tell me what's a sprite? hello wow have we introduced him yet? yeah should we get to know us?

Yeah. Yeah. Get to know us. First, let's get it out of the way. What is a sprite? I think a sprite, I actually don't know because I'm not good at Dungeons and Dragons. But I would guess that a sprite would be like Julia Roberts' character from Hook. From Pretty Woman?

So you think a sprite is a prostitute? Yeah, I see them a lot at night. Is that Tinkerbell? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. She was so bad on that set. She was so misbehaved that they called her Tinkerhell. That is a true hook fact.

Why did she have to be on set? I don't know. Yeah, that's a good question. Hey, wait a minute. Can you please just stop showing up? You don't need to be here. Just go on this other set. And also, what a genteel set that they were calling her Tinker Hell.

I mean, it was hook. I mean, it was, you know, but you're right. what a genteel set that they were calling your tinker hell. Well, I mean, it was hook. I mean, it was, you know, but you're right. They didn't call or something.

Well, yeah. Stinker bell. Yeah. That's, thank you. Yeah. That's pretty rough.

Now, Abdul, this is your first time on the podcast. Yeah. And, but I feel like it's going to be your last.

Well, I guess I don't have anything to live for anymore. I can pull out all the stuff. No, hi. I'm just having fun. I have a list of slurs I wanted to say. Oh, cool. Yeah, you know what? I guess I could update my list.

I've been using the same old list for, oh boy. Now, you have told me stories in the past. You grew up in... I grew up in the United Arab Emirates. Yeah, so you have this fantastic kind of like, I'll say a reference reference just a pop culture reference that i assume is everybody knows like then like hook and you and you will not you will because there was like no movies when you were growing up oh yeah like because i when we moved to the middle east all of the where are you from originally i was born in hamilton ontario ontario yeah

not the broadway play actually yeah i was born on hamilton i was raised on hamilton i was born in hamilton raised on hamilton pretty good if i had any references i would pull them out right now Pull them out right now. PortiTales. Moana. Yeah, sure. That's the closest I can get to Hamilton. That's close enough.

Closer than I didn't even have that. I was like, latest season of Curb Your Seas. But yeah, we moved to the Middle East when I was like four years old. Then I spent my formative years there yeah and uh yeah there were no there's no tv really uh it was all like in arabic and it was dubbed it was either like they would bring uh they would either like dub american cartoons tunes with arabic uh and then changed the uh the narrative quite considerably so that it was uh like teaching uh middle eastern uh like philosophy yeah and discouraging western philosophy so like that was teddy ruxpin. It was a lot of that.

Whoa. Yeah. But that was sort of what Teddy Ruxpin was. You could put whatever tape you wanted in them. That's true. Was, there was a cartoon of it, right? Yeah. There's a cartoon of Teddy Ruxpin and it was.

Do you have a friend that was like a worm or. Caterpillar. Caterpillar. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's all coming back

that's really weird that that stands out like because i don't think any like among north america kids who grew up in north america teddy ruxpin the tv show would have been i don't know the hundredth most watched cartoon yeah yeah yeah, it was either watch that or all the recorded episodes of MASH that my sister brought over on VHS tapes. Oh man, of all the shows to pick. Don't worry, while we're away

I've got enough episodes of MASH to tie us up. You will not miss out on that North American feeling of it's 5 o'clock and you're bummed out. Because mash is on. Oh, man. You say the United Arab Emirates.

I can name two of the Emirates. How many Emirates are there? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know what it is. I know some of the cities. What are the Emirates that you know? I know Abu Dhabi and Dubai. Yeah. I thought those were cities what are the emirates that you know i know abu dhabi and dubai yeah so those are the two i thought those were cities but they are emirate

okay aren't they yeah yeah i feel like they're because isn't uh look my whole and there's dr emirate brown from the yeah back to the future that's great yeah he everything i know about it is from sex in the city too so that's that... So you've got a real racist perspective on the United Arab Emirates. In Garfield, when he would mail Nermal to Abu Dhabi, that was a good thing? On your versions?

I like you so much, I'm going to mail you to Abu Dhabi. But I guess you're the wrong guy to ask. I don't know what the Emirates are. Well, okay, so if those are the Emirates, then there's those two. There's Al Ain, which is the city that I lived in.

Okay. It was built on an oasis. Uh-huh. And then there's... It was built on a champagne supernova. I'm going to look up what they are. What the emirates are. Yeah.

And so you're, was this like a big city? Or is this like? No, Allianz kind of, or at least back then, it's changed quite considerably. But back then it was, it was like kind of one of the smaller towns. Okay. There was just a university in it. It was kind of just one of the smaller towns. Okay. There was just a university in it.

It was kind of just a university town. Right. So lots of young people, lots of hacky sack. Yeah. I assume the hacky sack and universities are universal tenants. I hadn't seen a hacky sack until I moved back to Canada. Yeah. That's fascinating.

Move back. Hacky sack. You can have that. Yeah. Hamilton's fascinating. Move back. Hacky sack. You can have that. Hamilton that up. The answers are not coming up very easily for me on this. It's fascinating because you couldn't go

to a movie theater? You could go to a movie theater. I could go to a movie theater. The films are also heavily edited to remove any references to sex. A lot of references to Christianity are removed. So we went

and watched Titanic. That was the first movie I ever went to see in the theaters. It was like 45 minutes long. I mean, that's a a blessing i still managed to embarrass my sister in the movie theater by loudly screaming every time there was like a kissing scene and it was 45 minutes long and they kept the kissing scene how much christianity is there in it uh yeah that iceberg is very christian yeah yeah probably a lot of, you know, oh my God, lots of that. Oh, sure, yeah.

The boat sinking. I mean, Left Behind starring Kirk Cameron would have been a very short movie. Would have been just the opening credits. Yeah, well, no, that's a fuck scene. It's the only sex scene Kirk Cameron's ever done. But he shows everything yeah oh man um and then you were telling me like uh like that you found a comic book yeah that was the first time i ever everyone so part of this is uh is that i there's not a lot of western entertainment there right also part of it's

like my parents just didn't buy any of that stuff right uh but there was there were a couple of people with archie comic books it was very rare uh and one day i was like stuck at school late because my sister had to stay late uh and i saw i found like blowing in the wind i found like a page of an archie comic book and then i like looked into the distance it was like a big canvas i looked into the distance i saw this like paper blowing in the wind and i like ran after it and i like piece by piece assembled a fraction of this Archie comic book. I have no idea. I couldn't.

What happened in it? I don't know. Is this like the Middle Eastern equivalent of us finding porn in the woods? Yeah, finding Archie comics in the streets? In the wind? In a sandstorm? Yeah, there's so much goddamn beauty in the world. What?

You don't remember anything about it? No, I remember stuff from it, but it was because I only had a fraction of the pages. The narratives never made any sense. How much narrative do you need? Jughead likes to eat. Yeah. So there was one narrative where Archie had a date with Betty

and a date with Veronica at the same time. Wait a minute. Did that happen often? I think maybe. It's funny because it never happens on Riverdale. No. Have you watched any of season two? No.

Did you finish season one? No. No, me neither. You? I finished season one. I've only watched one episode of season two. Are you taken with it still? It wasn't giving me what I wanted. I've only watched one episode of season two. Are you taken with us still? It wasn't giving me what I wanted.

I think it was fine. I liked, uh, there was that one like scene in season one where like, uh, Jughead is like spray painting on the, uh, uh,

movie theater or the outdoor movie theater. And there's like, he recites poetry to, uh, that guy from the 80s what's his name luke perry yeah mr t yeah yes max headroom i watched this while i had a fever oh wow yeah i uh i kind of i it's not like i lost interest i just like i think because it was coming out weekly i was like i don't have i have time for weekly for me i did lose interest it was like i was won over by oh they're making sort of a deep brooding version of archie but it doesn't

have any like they're the characters are just by name only. Yeah. Like, Archie has no interest in Betty or Veronica. Yeah, that's right. He doesn't date either of them in the... I mean, I know at first he was getting off with Grundy. Yeah. That would have been the title of one of the comics.

Grunder. Yeah, you call it Grunder's Unders? You call it grunder's under he has to get up with grundy and veronica at the same time he's switching rooms yeah it's it's uh i don't i would like to know when the first time they used that like i've made two plans and i have to bounce back and forth between them he's kind of just a bad guy archie yeah no he's kind of an idiot in the comic or in the riverdale in the comic he's an idiot in riverdale he's kind of like the only guy that doesn't have a prop like everybody else has like these like serious problems and his is he wants to be a singer songwriter which is a problem that is a problem sure if you wake up one morning realize you want to be

a singer songwriter call somebody for help don't just face that alone it's almost as bad as wanting to be a comedian oh i mean that you should definitely not face it there's people out there that want to help um but like so you found this archie like did did you want more archie comics or were you like this dumb well it's at that when you're that young i was like eight years old seven maybe and it's you find one thing and you're like you don't have any conception that there's more in the world right like i remember when i moved here and i saw at the checkout till like so many archie comics yeah i was like whoa land of plenty yeah that's true i guess i don't ever take stock of how how good i have at riverdale wise it's funny like in my mind i'm all i do because it's always

at the till yeah of a grocery store yeah that and like you know like what do they call them dump meals or whatever like you've just been dumped so eat this i don't know what it is but it's like magazines with like recipes of is it dump meals is it dump meals meals of dump? Dump dinners What are they though? I feel like they're slow cooker Oh I see just like dump everything Yeah But it was that and Archie's And Soap Arbor Digest

And Tic Tacs It's true you can't get Tic Tacs Anywhere but I feel like A grocery store lineup Yeah it would be weird to see Tic Tacs anywhere, but I feel like a grocery store lineup. Yeah, it would be weird to see Tic Tacs in an aisle. There'd be so many of them. Yeah. And it's also weird that like Tic Tac was like, we're going to go with mint.

We're going to have orange. End of list. These are the two flavors that we found that people are interested in. They would have two mint. There'd be a white mint and a green mint. That's right. And orange. And isn't their thing that they have zero everything?

Right. Because one Tic Tac has not enough sugar to count as a, you know, to even list on. But did you ever have one Tic Tac? No. That's the scam. No calories, no sugar, no fat, but a whole thing. Is there a point where they run out of flavor halfway through them? No.

Okay. No. They run out of color. Yeah. They're white, aren't they? Not an orange Tic Tac. Yeah, orange Tic Tacs are orange. Let me tell you.

But yeah, you just crunch them and then they're gone. Like, you don't, I think you're supposed to suck on them, but come on. I throw them all in there. I suck on them. I'll drink a red pib. I'll really mix it all up. Take that, no calories. I'm going to put all the calories and dyes that the world can handle.

Red Pib. What's the flavor of a Red Pib? It's like a Dr. Pepper. Yeah, it's a Pib. Yeah, it's just a Pib. Yeah. I was drinking a cherry Dr. Pepper at a comedy show uh, a comedy show a few months ago and people were getting on me. They were like,

why do they have a, why do they have a cherry version of it? It's just cherry Coke. People think Dr. Pepper is just a cherry Coke. Oh no, no, no.

It's got 23 flavors on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's some sort of bizarro. Uh, I don't know what flavor it is. Just to me,

it tastes like a sick day. That's, that's what I used to get on sick day. Oh, really? This is Dr. Pepper. You'd have Dr. Pepper calling and be like, Graham is sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My dog, my pediatrician says I don't have to go to gym today. And it was just a cutout logo of Dr. Pepper at the bottom of a note that I had written.

Yeah, what is the flavor? I wouldn't even... Of Dr. Pepper? Yeah. It's supposed to evoke the 23 aromas of an old-timey soda fountain. Oh. Like, or whatever, yeah.

Soda jerk pharmacy phosphate place. Yeah, did people used to hang out at a pharmacy and drink soda is that what was going on yeah i don't know where pharmacies come into it but isn't that yeah yeah absolutely that's where all the carbonation was back then it's true the carbonation was very government controlled back in the day now you could just have carbonation in your house which is crazy that that's like because carbonation has been around a long time it's carbon but like but how come it's only recently that like you can have a soda stream yeah that you can have it in your house maybe they couldn't pressurize it enough hmm thanks definitely not

thanks mr science guy you um professor science guy do you do either of you have a soda stream no yes you do my wife has one oh yeah what's that was she like you you access it yeah Yeah, when I'm being good. What do you do with it? Oh man, all kind of weird stuff. I get so weird with that SodaStream. Go ahead. Sometimes I will, I'll take these like elixir drinks that are made on the, one of the islands, I think like Salt Spring, which are like very tart. Uh-huh.

And I'll like carbonate water and I'll throw some of those in there. And it's like, it makes like a very tart soda. Are they intended for that? I think you can just do whatever you want with them. Oh, okay. I always carbonate the water first

and then mix something. So you're just making club soda? Yeah. Hmm. Pretty good. Because you're not making, you can't, you have to add flavor. I don't know how good. Because you're not making, you can't, you have to add

flavor. I don't know how it works. It's not like. You can't put syrup in it and then carbonate it. Or can you?

You can't. I think you'd break it. Well then you can't. But it always works. You just get tap

water or whatever. You get tap water, you put it in a bottle, you put the bottle in the hole and then it gets it all carbonated. And this is the

kind of stuff you talk about on Sprite Lore? Yeah. water you put in a bottle you put the bottle in the hole and then it gets it all and this is the kind of stuff you talk about on sprite lore yeah the uh i went to i feel like i went to a party where it was like somebody had just gotten a soda stream oh fun party and and why get one if you're not gonna have a party that's just like everybody let's do flavors yeah and somebody brought all these homemade syrups and so like everybody was having soda but what you don't realize as an adult you can have about one and a half things of carbonated soda before your body's like hey i gotta offload so everybody at the party i feel like half an hour and was like, Oh, we all feel sick. We can,

we're getting the bends. I, if I, what I will sometimes do is I will have a, uh, uh, soda with just bitters. Ooh. Um,

and, uh, there's a company, uh, I think they're local that makes some good bitters and there's one that's plum and root beer that I like and then there's another one and I saw it at the store

and it was cucumber and I was like oh that'll be really good and then I went back and I was wrong it was celery not as good but I had so worked it up in my mind I I'm like, I'm going to get these cucumber bitters once I save up. And then I went

back and they were celery. Have you ever had the Phillips cucumber water? No. It's very good. Okay. Sounds very refreshing. We served it at our wedding. I was

talking about a the British gin and tonic they get in a can. Yeah. And someone recommended a local one that has cucumber and lime and mint flavor in it as well. It's good. Yeah. But too much. It's a big can. Yeah. Have we already

talked about this on the show? No, no. We talk outside of the show sometimes. Now, your wedding, you had it at like some, was it at a campground? Yeah, we rented this camp near Squamish that was like a sleepaway camp for kids. And we rented it for the weekend. And we had all our friends come up and stay. All your friends are kids. Yeah.

Yeah. So it was a fun your friends are kids. Yeah. So it was a fun getaway for them. Yeah. We were able to write most of it off as a youth development program. The long con of being friends with kids. I think we could write a lot of this off. Yeah. And like, did you stay?

You stayed in, like... Cabins. Cool. Yeah, there were bunk beds in all of the cabins that the comedians stayed in. And, yeah, it was a great time. Ryan Williams... Actually, never mind. He probably doesn't want me to tell this story.

Not fair. You know what? I'll fill in the rest. Shit himself. Yeah. And then in the middle of the night, he didn't know what to do with it. He put it in a bag. Yeah, he put it in a bag.

And it went out into the woods. He hung it on what he thought was just a pole, but it was actually a ceiling fan. Yeah. In the morning, he turned it on. Oh, it went everywhere. Anyway, he didn't want us to tell the story, but out it comes. What a weekend he had.

Anything, anyone else have anything embarrassing happen? Yeah, Brent. Nah, never mind. He doesn't want to say anything. Oh, Brent. Oh, boy. He tripped and went face first into a horse's butt. And the horse didn't kick.

The horse liked it. The horse just stood there, whapping him in the back of the head with his tail. Wouldn't let him out. And over time, he liked it, too. And a bunch of kids saw it. Every one of them had a phone took pictures of it it's on world star hip-hop yeah it was the number one video on world star oh it's been a while

since i've gone to world star but uh you know if i'm bored i follow their social media accounts and uh any good fights lately you know know what? Nothing. Nothing. No. It doesn't mean nothing. Once in a while, somebody goes bananas in like a, you know, a fast food place. And that's really like, that's real primo stuff. Because those people like the fast food is the last thing. It's like, they're like, everything's gone wrong. This is the last thing.

Right. This is the, I can go and get my favorite amber beef sandwich uh-huh beef dip yeah my favorite beef dip to go or maybe i'll stay in i'll get the wendy's beef dip and then you go there and they're like we don't have beef yeah then you make a scene you're thinking of philippe's in los angeles um what uh you spend all day fighting for a thing that does not exist what uh is there any fast food you miss as a non-vegetarian as a vegetarian now uh you give your right nut for oh yeah it's how i talk

Jesus That's how I talk I saw a thread online That people like it When I get Like when I get Embarrassed Yeah Like the show's getting

A little bit too salty I'll be like It's not that kind of show But so I'm Going the other way Yeah yeah yeah You're becoming Yeah which note would you give

For one of these Bacon and Sandwich dogs Look at this Andrew Dice Clay over here Oh Bacon Bacon Nut Um No i don't i don't because like a lot of the places that i would go to have a veggie burger that tastes exactly the same as

the thing that's too bad yeah uh i feel like there was a place i went to in seattle that was like it only had hamburgers and french fries and shakes that was all you could get sure and that I remember that hamburger being was it dicks it was dicks yeah and I remember that being like really good but maybe that was just maybe it was just the time you know um can't go back there what do you miss about meat? I miss so many things. I can't even think of one. I miss the way it feels in my mouth, knowing something was alive when I eat it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Knowing it suffered, suffering, tasting suffering. I go to a, I like to know everything died happily. Yeah. You go to a place that specifies. They have like cartoon pictures of happy animals. Like, yeah, I know. Yeah.

I saw one. A lion. I saw one in Winnipeg. It was a chicken and the chicken on the poster was eating a chicken leg. Yeah. But like, I'm sure that happens, but is that supposed to make me feel better about it? I was reading my daughter

The Three Little Pigs. Yeah. And this, when you buy a version, because I was like, we have all these modern kids books. Yeah.

But we don't have any of the classics. We don't have The Three Bears. We don't have The Three Little Pigs. We don't have any of the big threes.

Yeah. The Three Bears. Yeah. Three Amigos. The Pigs. The three bears. Yeah. Three amigos. The pigs, yeah. So I just like picked the highest rated Three Little Pigs

on Amazon. Yeah. There are multiple. Who's the writer of the Three Little Pigs? Walt Disney. James Pink. Oh, sorry.

Yes, Walt Disney. There are many, many versions. And this version of it, I don't remember the back half of this story, but it's one pig, straw house. Yeah. Wolf comes along, huff puff, blow it down. Spoiler.

It's the exact one. Still. That was in the trailer. Oh, I left out the chinny-chin-chin part. It was also a Straw House production. Yeah. The graphic is it being blown apart. It was a J.J. Abrams, but bad robot production,

and there was sort of an allusion to a little red robot in there. And so that's pick one. Yeah. But then eats them so there's one there's one version there's version different versions of the story yeah one where the pig you know runs off yeah and the the next then there's two pigs hiding in the house made of sticks yeah but in this version the wolf gobbles them up the next one wolf goes to the stick house same thing happens chinny chin chin huff puff blow down bing bang boo uh this is sort of up by there on my chinny chin sort of a dice clay thing yeah a little bit uh and then the wolf eats that one but there are ones where the pigs survive yeah and the pigs gradually don't they all move into brick house yeah ow yeah i'm only familiar with the green jelly version of this story but then uh the third version is he can't blow down the house or the third thing that happens he can't blow down

the house and then so the wolf tries to like trick the pig into meeting him different places. Like, let's go bowling. Let's go get some turnips over here. Okay, I'll meet you at five. But then the pig shows up at four and then, you know. And this happens three times. And then eventually,

Oh, God. Do you know how the story ends? No, turnips? The wolf goes over to the pig's house. Yeah. And decides he's going to go down the chimney. Oh, yeah. I know this part.

But the pig has a big pot of boiling water at the bottom of the chimney. And so he eats the wolf. And probably a little bit of his brothers, too. Probably. Oh, yeah. Probably a lot of his brothers. Wow oh yeah probably a lot of his brother wow that's where i'm getting what i was getting at with this whole chicken eating chicken this pig eating his brothers but it's the way brothers but yeah his but his brothers would

want it to be that way he would want vengeance to be served with uh with some turnips i don't know how they're meeting you have two brothers yeah how would you was that a uh thing that's been discussed vengeance yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean mostly amongst my two brothers against me there's been a lot of vengeance talk and uh you know what when the day comes i'm not going to meet them at the turnip thing i'm going to be there if i say four I'm going to be there. If I say four, I'm going to be there at three waiting for them. Because I know. I know from the stories how this works. And they're like, what?

Graham keeps asking us to meet him at farmer's markets. It's really weird. He keeps sending me notes written in blood. Meet me at the turnip stand. meet me at the turnip stand a lot of those old uh like the original versions of those stories always have some gory yeah gory detail that like somehow is just like vanished i'm trying to remember there's there's like one that somebody was telling me that like i only know the disney version but in the original version

somebody's like, thumbs get cut off, and then they've got to go find their thumbs somewhere. Oh, yeah. Just like Bizarro. Frozen. It's Frostbite. She has Frostbite on her thumbs. Yeah, she loses both of her hands.

She has to steal him. She literally has to let it go. Dave, what's going on with you, man? I think we got enough of you. You read half an arch and your wife makes soda. So, what's going on with me? A couple things. One, a very funny thing

that I've been trying to talk about for weeks but I couldn't remember the details. I went to a hockey game a few weeks ago with my friend Ben, and we were talking about food dehydrators. This is sort of like what a SodaStream was in the 90s. Oh, yeah. You would order it off Ronco on TV.

And it was like a weird... Does this have any resonance for you? No, in the 90s, I was in the Middle East. We did not get your commercials. There was no food dehydrators. I have seen food dehydrators. But there are still food dehydrators. But this was, the one from the commercial was a circle.

And it was brown plastic. And it was like layers. You could do five trays of jerky or two trays of jerky or apple chips or whatever. Yeah. All things the kids. If you had a food dehydrator, what would you make? You know, the first thing. If I had a food dehydrator.

I'd probably see if I could dehydrate something that's not food, like a playing card or something like that. Something that's so wet. Yeah. Because I don't like any dried food, I don't think. Mushrooms, I guess. Maybe I'd make some, I don't know. Mangoes?

Mangoes. Oh, this guy's got it. Yeah, yeah. I'd eat a whole mango. I'd eat it. A one go. One go mango? One go mango.

Bingo bango. Papa shango. What would you dehydrate? I wouldn't. But what my friend was saying is that his neighbors got a food dehydrator. And the first thing that they dehydrated was wet dog food. And then they threw out the food dehydrator because you can't get that smell out for sure they got like they opened up cans of dog food and put it in the food

dehydrator maybe put in like extra stuff to make little dog their own dog treats and you're putting in a lot of time oh boy did it work i don't know it smelled yeah just smells up the whole house the dog probably loved it oh the dog was probably losing his mind yeah he's like why doesn't the house always smell like this good oh man but like i remember in the food dehydrator commercials they would dehydrate watermelon and then it would look like jerky like it was super flat yeah yeah yeah and i remember thinking like the fuck would you do the whole thing is the juicy yeah it's a watermelon the water it's one half of the name it's's weird. Mango is like the perfect. It's like candy when you dehydrate.

But like, it's like candy when it's fresh too. Yeah. In the Southern States, they dehydrate mango and then they like put chili powder on it and they sell that at gas stations. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, I'd buy it there. Yeah. I don't want to do it myself though.

Yeah. I'm the opposite of, I think like some people say it tastes better if you make it. I disagree. If you make it yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm the opposite of, I think like some people say it tastes better if you make it. I disagree. If you make it yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't find that at all.

I think of every, with every bite, I'm like, this could have been made better by anybody else. Um, yeah. But I do remember those. And it wasn't like,

did it plug into something? I guess it must. Yeah. It was USB. You could burn cds with it you could dehydrate a cd yeah see what happened there oh oh no you know i take one of those things like that you put in a glass and then it like inflates you know like a lobster or whatever a dinosaur and then i put that in the food Like one of those little capsules that turns into a big sponge?

Yeah. I'd re-dehydrate. Save money. Yeah, I would go, I'd invent a food rehydrator. Yeah, oh. Back to the future. Back to the future, yeah. Oh, pardon me.

Yeah. Was it Pizza Hut? Yeah yeah there's a black and decker rehydrator in their kitchen why doesn't that exist i guess i guess it'd be pretty gross having like a rehydrated yeah can you imagine a dehydrated pizza yeah go on i guess it would be like pizza jerky uh it would be all like, actually, it sounds pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess the problem is the technology is you don't know if you're getting water in the right places. That's right.

Because you can't, like, you're not going to shrink down a pizza's worth of cheese into a little circle. Like, water gets out of the crust in a different amount than it gets into the cheese, yeah so you'd have to have like it would be like a deck of cards and you'd have to put in different the cheese card and then that's just a lunchable yeah yeah yeah um yeah i don't know anyways i know people that dehydrate food all the time uh have they tried dog food i just imagine like the the sound of that like a spoonful of dog food slapping it down i don't think it hisses i don't know how do they work actually a food dehydrator yeah they take the hydration i thought you were a scientist.

But I don't actually know how they work. No, I don't know either. I believe there was an animation of arrows going up and down. Yeah, that's true. I think that was where the dehydration happened. But I remember that it was always two adults saying, and then you can make banana chips for your kids. And I was like,

well, you're the only two that think that's a good idea. No kid is like, yay, banana chips. And also sometimes I'll see people do like, instead of cutting a banana so that it's circle, they do it lengthwise.

That's like a horror show. It's not a chip. No, it's like, yeah, it's kind of more like a banana filet. It's a banana jerky now. Ugh, gross. If you ate a bunch of, I feel like if you ate banana chips, you'd be so thirsty afterwards. Because they took all the hydration out of them. They might as well have taken it out of you.

And plus, a banana is an easy to eat food. Yeah, yeah. And available 365 days a year. It's not like you have to dry things for the winter. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know who is, but they were always making the case that this was a big money saving thing. Because beef jerky is so expensive?

Question mark. It is. Beef jerky is so expensive, so you gotta start dehydrating bananas to save money. Yeah, I don't know, but I do. I remember those. I know. The other thing is, do you drink alcohol?

No, I do not. Okay, well, please leave the room. Shots, shots, shots, shots, shots, shots. no I do not okay well please leave the room my friend went to get a physical done oh yeah and you have to like talk to a doctor they ask you questions it's so funny It's like they put you in an interrogation room And there's a mirror And there's other doctors There's a good doctor and a bad doctor And the good doctor is this autistic kid

That's from the hit TV show The Good Doctor starring The Bates motel kid, the kid from the new Charlie and the chocolate factory. The most recent one. Same, same guy. He's been, he's been three iconic things. Um, so, uh, but apparently when you go for a physical as a 40 year old person, they ask you, um, I guess they like, they'll ask anyone this, but like, do you smoke? Do you do drugs?

How much alcohol do you drink? And he was like, he thought about it and he was like, he felt really bad. And he was like, I don't know, 12. I like, how many drinks do you have a week? 12. And the doctor was like, that's below average. Oh really? Yeah.

Average is 15 drinks a week. What? That's two a day plus one. Yeah for Friday. Friday morning. Um that seems like a lot to me. It does yeah. 15

drinks a week. But like I don't know if it's that's just the average for a man. Oh well I guess I gotta get to work. But I don't know if it's, uh, it's just, that's just the average for a man. Oh, well, I guess I gotta get, gotta get to work. But I don't know if it, like the doctor was saying, so that's good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a great average for a man.

Yeah. The average for a woman is 12, by the way. Okay. But then also they have these weird things about how much constitutes a drink. Like a pint of beer is like more than one drink well like according to their like their measurement things like a half a beer is a drink or some some crazy thing like that unless you dehydrate it which in which case you can eat as much beer as you want that would be great just like Just like beer singles.

Like fruit leather beer. That wouldn't be bad at all. No, no, no. That would be amazing. Edibles? Yeah, I think you can drink a whiskey drink. You can drink a cider drink. Lobster drink.

Lobster drink? You can rehydrate one of those lobsters and suck on it. Take a lobster, blend it up. All the day you'll have good luck. Find a lobster, blend it up. Yeah, so that's what you should be shooting for, apparently. Wow. I imagine the doctor was like, oh, you're below average,

and then he took a funnel out from underneath. We'll get you up to where you need to be. Welcome to fifth year. You're low a few quarts. Here we go. Yeah, I remember going to the doctor and then them saying, if you 12 a week, but two times six drinks, like that's worse somehow. Like if you only drink twice a week, but you have six drinks. That's worse than drinking six times a week, two drinks.

Yeah. Apparently. That makes sense. Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Right. Cause your body's like working overtime.

Workouts. Yeah. your body's like working overtime workouts uh yeah well i guess like they say that a pregnant woman can have like a glass of wine oh really but like i guess that means if you can have a glass say you're having a glass of wine a week for 40 weeks it's better than having 40 glasses of wine a week for 40 weeks. It's better than having 40 glasses of wine once. Yeah, you're right. 40 glasses of wine. This is my cheat day. Everybody's pregnant gets one cheat day. They're allowed to eat as much sushi as they want, drink

everything they want. Who has as much unpasteurized cheese and 40 glasses of wine. I was just thinking, going back to the food dehydrator, do drug dealers use food dehydrators for like mushrooms and stuff like that? To turn wet weed into smoke weed?

Yeah. Yeah. I wonder. Or is it... It's how they make mdma pills yeah i wonder like i wonder if if accidentally ronco was like well because don't they like lay out the poppy oh yeah yeah or like what did i what am i remembering from American Gangster? Women in bras with hairnets working in a... Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, all of that stuff has to be

like, before it's like powder or whatever, you have to dry it out. So, like... You know so little about this process. Oh, man. Okay, there's flowers, and there's women wearing bras. Yeah. Okay, ladies, take your shirts off.

Yeah. And we come into, like, a huge amount of opium flowers, and we're like, we got to figure this out from American Gangster. Yeah, we're going to get American Gangster. Maybe we'll watch season two of Narcos. Yeah. I really only remember the soundtrack of American Gangster.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. The batons with the red bottoms. American Gangster, that's what we do. Is that from American Gangster? No? Yeah. What's going on with you, my um over the weekend i went to uh victoria our uh province's capital okay and i stayed in a uh bed and breakfast which is

not a regular occurrence for me no you you're a big uh i like staying in... Villas. Yeah, I like staying in a nice Tuscan villa. Only when I'm in Tuscany. Only when you're under the Tuscan sun. Oh, yes. You spend your nights in Rodanthe. Your life is a Diane Lane movie. I wish. She's just been in so many great films.

She was in that one. She's married Richard Gere. Was that not Knights in Rodanthe? No, it's called, what is it called? Unfaithful? Unfaithful, yeah. Oh, so steamy. So steamy.

Woo! Have you seen it? I haven't seen any of these movies. Oh, right. Yeah, you've got. Oh, well, because they were very Christian and... Well, they were very steamy. Yeah, well, the Knights of Rodanthe, I heard,

was about the Knights Templar? Yep. Yep. And Richard Gere plays Lancelot, opposite Sean Connery as King Arthur. Pretty good. Good casting all around. And the Dragon was also Sean Connery.

Yeah, Sean Connery made quite a few movies. Not a lot of people know where he plays every role. His last James Bond, he played the good guy, the bad guy. And the ugly guy. I can't remember the name of the good guy. Yeah, but it was sort of like a clumps thing. So, Bed and Breakfast, you know, you get your bed. It was sort of like a clump thing. Um, so bed and breakfast,

uh, you know, you get your bed, right. And then, yeah, yeah, yeah. You get your bed and then the breakfast,

you think because it's in the name that that would be a bigger part of the proceedings, but they were only serving breakfast for like 45 minutes. Like it was like such a small window of time to get one half of what a bed and breakfast was and it was early like it was like well breakfast starts at 8 and it's done by 8 45 and you're like even if i got there at 8 i'm not sure 45 minutes i'm not sure i'll be able to clear it is it was it a house yeah it was it was like a really like a big house yeah it was like a house a big old house big old house where you

could hear like ghosts yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean if any place in victoria is haunted which you did walking tours as uh oh yeah, we did the fake ghost tours. But like, Victoria's like haunting central, right? Well, it depends who you ask. But yeah, people say because there is so much

of a specific type of rock, limestone, underneath it holds ghost energy. That's what the woman on the walking tour told before we ripped off her show for the fringe show that we did you're like limestone got it lady you just blew it big time um so yeah there's like this little narrow window of breakfast but also my room was right next to uh the desk so this the bed and breakfast character who i think across the board they all love to chat uh-huh i think that's why you open a bed and breakfast when you win the lottery yeah is you love chat and just chatting forever with anyone about anything.

Like this guy was the most open to any topic of conversation at any hour. And, uh, so yeah, like 7am he's, he's giving people advice for a good place to get a bagel. I'm like, don't,

you should have bagels yeah you're bed and breakfast you should serve them at seven through through to noon um but yeah i haven't like i've only stayed this was probably like the nicest bed and breakfast i've been in i've stayed in like bad bad breakfast yeah bad like i can't imagine choosing to open a bed and breakfast and then being like, let's fucking half-ass this. I feel like somebody sometimes will open a bed and breakfast and then they'll realize it's really hard. You've got to get up every morning, 6 in the morning, start brewing coffee, making eggs, and then they walk away from it

or maybe they pass away and then their son or daughter take it over and aren't good at it. Because of an elaborate will or it's like you have to run this haunted bed. No, but it's like the kind of thing where you're like, oh, this was my parents' job. Yeah, yeah. It was, oh, it does make money. So I would be foolish to not do it. But it's terrible. I could see that happening to me.

You could see you ending up having to tend to bed uh yeah so it was like but this guy was i mean he was good at the thing that i think people want from a bed and breakfast which is i guess a lot of chatting and a short window in which to get yeah i don't think like the average person i've never been to a bed and breakfast i think the average person who goes have you no never the average person who goes to a bed and breakfast is the kind of person who doesn't sleep in right they don't because they don't like you probably didn't have a tv in your room either't because they don't like you probably didn't have a tv in your room either no we did not so like you're not up late watching cable well and that was the other thing is like uh if you wanted to watch tv there was a tv upstairs

is it common yeah yeah yeah and so then you to watch, you had to watch kind of consensus TV with whoever else was also in the room. Which is always Big Bang Theory. Well, luckily we're in the midst of the Olympiad. Oh. So it was all let's watch Olympics. And, but yeah, it was like. There's a weird overlap between places that have common TV rooms between bed and breakfasts and hostels. Yeah.

Well, yeah, bed and breakfast really is kind of like a fancier, older hostel. Yeah. But also the type of people that love staying in hostels would grow into the type of people who would love staying at Bed and Breakfast. I feel like that's part of one continuity. It's just a bunch of people playing hacky sack, go back. Yeah. But then like, so you get, I guess the whole idea is that you eat breakfast and then you just leave like for the day and then you get lunch elsewhere. But what about, what about those of us who slept through breakfast and just want lunch? Then you have to put on your pants and walk out the door and go find a lunch place.

You have to put on your pants to have breakfast too. Well, there was, I didn't see anything in the ledger. Yeah. It's like the thing i love about a hotel is the anonymity yeah yeah yeah exactly checking in and then just being a go on your merry way and then when you check out they're like how was your stay mr shumka and you're like you do you forget my name right now ma'am i was never here i do not exist but yeah like uh yeah so because like one time i stayed in a bed and breakfast and then uh we were the only ones in the bed and breakfast and they were like breakfast is at nine and we were like how about it's at 10 how about it's

when we wake up because we're the only people staying here and that was weird because we it was myself and the guy that i was touring with and then the owner were the only people in the house so i was like well this is perfect perfect for murdering yeah who us by him yeah by him he knows all the trap doors he knows where to oh yeah why would you open a bed and breakfast if you didn't have trap doors yeah yeah yeah if you didn't have murder on the brain oh boy yeah but anyways this guy it's just full of candlesticks to knock you unconscious yeah yeah and there was also there was a room like they all the rooms were named things so when you play clue yeah yeah yeah there yeah. There's a plumbing device. A wrench?

Oh, there's a plunger, yeah. Yeah, there's a plunger. There's a drain snake. Some sort of auger. The plumber did it, as far as I can tell. So there's a pipe. Yeah, a lead pipe. Or a wrench. I So there's a pipe? Yeah. A lead pipe? Or a wrench?

There's, I think there's both. I think there's a pipe, a wrench, a rope, a gun, a book. No.

A book? A candlestick? I think a candlestick. How would you kill somebody with a book? I mean, you'd bore them to death. Throw the book at them.

Oh, that's true. Knowledge is power, guys. Yeah. The pen is mightier than the sword. So there's all those things. What is it? You go around getting clues. Yeah, and there's Mr. Mustard.

I think it's pretty easy when you see a dead body. Does it start with a dead body? Yeah. And they're in a mansion. Yeah, but are they in the room that they died in or do you also have to figure out what room they were in? You find out who killed them, with what device, in what room.

Right. But, like, it... But the room should be a gimme. Because that's where the dead body is. And the device should be a gimme. Like, you wouldn't be, like... If you had a candlestick, you'd have to smash their head so many times. Like, a rope.

It would be so different. That's true. I just kept hitting him with this rope. You walk in, someone's just hanging from the rafters. You're like, I wonder what instrument they used to kill this guy. Did they shoot him and then hang him up there? Pipe him? Well, someone had a bag

of... Someone bagged their soiled underwear, put it on the ceiling fan. Ryan. Ryan. You were saying the rooms had themes? Yeah. But like, as is the way... Or names they had no they had names okay but the it wasn't like the they have different themes like this is the the arctic room i mean at a bed and breakfast all the room

all the themes are like you know quaint as like, you know, stiff bath towels. Yes. Scratchy, musty sheets. The musty sheet room. Yeah. Musty sheets and claw footed bathtub. Grandma chic. Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. But like, as is the way with. Who is my favorite wrestler from the 80s? Yeah. There was like, our room was, I think, the 80s. There was like, our room was, I think, the garden room. And then there was like, just like, you know, the pasture

room. And then the room next to mine was the oriental room. Oh, bro. There's kind of that, kind of still existing in that culture. Of old white people? Yeah, kind of that kind of still exist in, in that culture of like of old white people. Oh yeah.

Okay. Kind of old, like British colonial, you know, uh, but, but it's like nobody here thought, Hey,

well, I'll just take that down. Let's update the Oriental to maybe the garden room. Yeah, exactly. And what is inside the Oriental room? Do close to we think oh um i mean a wall hanging that had you know yeah some sort of lanterns is what i'm guessing like a blue heron kind of plaque yeah oh sure yeah but i felt like it it was weird because it stood out as the only

one that was named like none of them none of the other places were named after a region or a part of the earth or whatever they were just like garden or fence or whatever and then it's like oriental like wow like that seems unnecessary it seems like you did that on purpose a little bit uh i imagine the guy who was working the desk just being like oh you're staying in the oriental room and he turns around and puts a rice patty hat on. Bangs a gong. Yeah. And you're like, ah.

Is this what people that stay at bed and breakfast like? And he's like, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. You'd be shocked how often he gets a request in. Yeah. So I stayed in a bed and breakfast. It was, you know what? It was really quaint.

And if you're into bed and breakfast, this would be the place for you. Did you have any breakfast? I had once. Out of how many days? I was there for, no, that's not true. I had it twice. Out of how many days?

Oh, out of three. It was three days. Three-day stint in the, that's what they call them when you stay at a bed and breakfast. Yeah. How long is your stint? How long are you in for, they say. The guy lifting weights at the desk. You're in jail.

What? That's true The concierge kept saying I'm the sheriff And I was like Well, whatever You want to call yourself? Yeah

And every time you wanted To leave your room You had to get the keys Off of his belt With a long apparatus Although it does sound like Because you're in a room With no TV

And you can only watch TV In a common room Does sound a lot like prison. You can hear the guy at the desk checking people in and talking so much. Yeah. Let me just take your picture there, sir. And from the side.

This is for your guest book? Oh, cool. They get your fingerprints on the guest book. Should we move on to Overheard? Sure. Why not? I mean,

prison though, you get three hots and a cot. I'll throw that in earlier. In a world dominated by dude bro movie podcasts. A world where

Casey Affleck has an Oscar and Angela Bassett does not. Only one podcast is brave enough to call bulls**t. Who shot ya? With Ricky Carmona. A lot of people don't know, Porgs? Puerto Rican.

Alonzo Duralde. I would eat oak jaw. April Wolf. I want to interrupt and say that the fish man was real sexy. Drea Clark. I have a real soft spot for King Kong. And women of color. I was like, damn!

Brian Kugel got final cut. Kugel got final cut? I just felt like the film was so sour and so completely irrelevant to basically anything in life. Who Shot Ya? Listen every Friday on Maximum Fun or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's segment in which we, oh, we'll hear things out there. You know what?

You were given two ears, one mouth. So listen up. And then we come back here. We use our mouths to share what we learned with our two ears. The good Lord blessed you with one mouth and two ears. Do they teach you that when they take the Christian stuff out of the movies? Yeah, it was like a whole chapter in the Quran. Oh, well, there you go.

Yeah. Well, two mouths, one ears. Wait. Yeah, two mouths, one ear. What am I? Oh, a table, a broken table. Yeah, the Quran is mainly an eye spy book. Now, we always like to start Overheards with broken table. Yeah, the Quran is mainly an I spy book. Now, we always like to start overheards with the guests.

Yeah. Cool, would you? Yeah, I have two. Is that okay? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's okay with me. Okay. Graham, is it okay?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm. Okay. We have quorum. The first one I heard when I was watching the Olympics the other night, it was like we're watching the slope style competition. Yeah. And the Canadian athlete had like just done a gold medal run. And the announcer was so excited. He was trying to think of like something special to say off the cuff.

And he was just like, can we get an APB out for one Mark McMorris allegedly assaulting this slope style final? IPB out for one Mark McMorris allegedly assaulting This slope style final Realizing halfway through is maybe not the best and I get an Amber alert for. Oh, wow. I mean, it's. Boy, I think that's as an announcer, you should have that kind of thing practiced. Like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You should have your, your big gold medal. Yeah. Grand slam. Thank you, man. Yeah. Grand slam. Thank you, man. Yeah. Back to you and the studio. What would yours be?

Oh, look at those skis on him. Are those rentals? Not anymore. He can afford to buy them because he just won a gold. I love the idea of the Olympian who shows up.

I'll just use the rentals. I don't want to check bags. I was watching ski jumping and it occurred to me that like if you're a ski jumper, how do you become a ski, like, I mean, I haven't seen Eddie the Eagle, but it's so different than skiing. Like it's, you don't go to the same place to do it you how do you get discovered to be a ski jumper i don't know you're just you're just good at like

going a long distance in the air and maybe you just have a really good posture all the time yeah and sort of leaning forward a lot yeah yeah Or maybe you do one jump and like, you do it really like just a regular, you know, skiing jump. And like, you're like, somebody sees you mid jump and goes,

Hey, I feel like it's like the only, nobody, well, maybe people dream of being a ski. Maybe. Yeah. Maybe someone sees you and like,

you're too raw. They're like, you'll never make it as a real ski jumper and then yeah with your crazy haircut uh you know your unorthodox ways and then and then they bring their street style to it and it's sort of like a save the last dance kind of thing street style ski yeah yeah oh he's too he's too raw man he'll never yeah he's, he's too raw, man. He'll never. Yeah, he's been doing ski jumping in the inner city. Yeah. He just jumps and then flips.

Yeah. Two birds. Why don't they do that? I would do that. Yeah. You're the king of the world at that point. I'm soaring with the eagles, Eddie, et cetera. Other eagles, I'm soaring with the eagles Eddie etc

Other eagles I'm sure The eagles generally the nickname they give to Ski jumpers Tom the eagle Sven the eagle Did you want to do your other overheard Or do you want to go around the horn and get back to you Let's go around and come back

Dave Mine is from television. This is from on Saturday mornings and Sunday mornings. I watch the local news. Yeah. And right before the local news, it starts at 7, it ends at 10. And before it, there's a fishing show. And after it, there's a fishing show.

Yeah. Cartoons for adults. So I consider it, you know, I consider the news, the, there's a fishing show. Yeah. Cartoons for adults. So I consider it, you know, I consider the news, the show that's on between fishing. One of them is fishing Canada. And one of them is Baba Zumi's real fish.

Um, so this is real spelled R E E L. Oh, maybe. Yeah. I mean, just for fun. Yeah.

Um, this is, uh, is they were talking about a lodge on one of these fishing shows, a fishing lodge in some lake in Ontario and the guy said, if you're a bass dad,

this is the perfect place to take your young student and teach him the basics of bass fishing. I'm not going to go for a sugar daddy. I'm going to get myself one of them bass bags. I didn't know that's something you could be. Yeah. Consider yourself kind of a bass dad.

In high school, I was kind of a goth. But, you know, I hung out with, you know, the jocks, the bass dads, the burnouts. They thought I was a righteous dude. Yeah, the bass dads seemed like a gang in The Warriors that you would have to get through. And they'd all be wearing those fisherman hats. And they're clinking fish together instead of bottles. Come out to play pretty good yeah pretty good all in all um i also feel like bass dad might be on one of those like

algorithmically generated t-shirts yeah like you know i'm a real bass dad who was born in december whatever never never underestimate a bass dad who was was born in December those would be really confusing because then you'd be like is he a bastard yeah yeah it also sounds vaguely like a sexual preference

like I'm a kind of a bastard yeah I'm a bastard it also sounds a bit like a Bostonian thing bastard he's a bastard maybe that's where

I got started but maybe like where there's sort of the wrong accent or like he's sort of got a hiccup in the middle of it hey bastard yeah you're right pretty good um my uh oh you go yeah my overheard is a a bit of bit of dialogue I had with a guy while waiting to cross an intersection. And a car had just driven by really fast, gunning its, whatever they do to make the exhaust go like, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr, brr. And then the guy says to me,

whoa, because I turned around to look at the car, and the guy said, wow, hot rod. I go, yeah yeah and then he goes boy i tell you someday i'd like to win the lottery and i thought he was meaning like if i win the lottery i'll buy myself one of those cars and he goes yeah being hit by one of those cars would be the best i was like oh yeah i guess i guess that would be pretty pretty good i mean i think the insurance payout is like regardless of what hits you yeah but also like while we're just having fantasies why is your fantasy so but his is attainable this is very attainable that's true oh man it's also put so much pressure on you because he just admitted a suicide fantasy

well he wants to survive he wants to survive he wants to survive he wants the payout from somebody with a real fancy yeah and maybe he doesn't have a pelvis anymore but he survives it but it's one of those things where uh i i was tricked into agreeing that this was a good. That's one of those grim fairy tales. Where the Little Mermaid fantasizes about getting her fin run over. By a bass dad. By a bass dad. Yeah.

It's gone. Yeah. It was a friendly guy and everything. It was just like a really weird, like, that's your fantasy? I mean, I guess. We're blue sky in here. Yeah, exactly. I guess.

I mean, if we're allowed to imagine anything, then I guess, yeah, get hit by a fancy car. Yeah, for me it would be like one of those Volkswagen buses. But like driven by somebody rich, you know, John Popper. Yeah, John Popper, Dave Matthews. Somebody would be in one of those. Trey Anastasio. Now you have another overheard? I do, yes.

Let me just pull it up. Take your time. Thank you. Just being sarcastic. Okay, so this is an overheard I got last night. We're shooting some stuff at little mountain gallery like heroin uh yeah yeah i know how to make it uh you gotta get a food dehydrator yeah get a bunch of ladies and no shirts the problem with the using a food dehydrator to dehydrate

your heroin is if you've made dog food dog dog treats before. People are like, oh, this smells like dog food that I'm injecting into myself. My veins now smell like dog food. We took our savings from making our own dog food, invested it in heroin. Yeah. So you were shooting something at Little Mountain. We were shooting something at Little Mountain uh uh i overheard someone saying um yeah the worst fight i ever had with my dad was about the movie snow dogs and then they went on to elaborate it was because they thought that the main character was wayne brady his dad was like no it's cuba getting junior and that was the biggest fight they had my dad was right

and i'll never forget that like just being like a teenager like running upstairs is wayne brady slamming the door what was that what was the movie eight below um is that about snow dogs yeah but i think it's paul paul walker in that one actually oh yeah and but the snow dogs are his family yeah every it was everything's about family his contract stated that every movie had to be somehow about yeah i understand he was in the uh olive garden film uh-huh when they financed that movie. The Brady Bunch reunion movie. Now we also have overheard sent in from people

around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sby at maximumfun.org. Was a very Brady Christmas a big deal for you? Because they were all older and they got back together was this uh the tv cast yeah oh no i don't i i don't know the brady bunch i don't know like i know of it now i'm not even

gonna ask you no it's actually very prominent in the middle east a very brady christmas all of the brady bunch stuff really yeah because i think it was so wholesome. I guess it was pretty wholesome. Yeah. All I know is that the maid is in the center square. Did they sleep in the same bed, the parents? Was that one of the first ones where they slept in the same bed? I thought you were going to ask, did everyone in that show sleep in the same bed together? Good news and bad news, kids.

You're going to get three new siblings. And we're all going to sleep in the same bed together. uh good news and bad news kids uh you're gonna get three new siblings and we're all gonna sleep in the same bed together and what was the idea that their the other parents had died in both families yes yeah what luck yeah because this was like a pre-divorce being okay era i guess but it was just we're just able to have two parents sleep in the same bed that's right and maybe also there could be a mention of a toilet yeah like where's alice she's cleaning the toilet and that was like groundbreaking

I look forward to the day when two parents can use the same toilet until oh shit at the same time we'll get there I feel like

this is us this is gonna be the show to do it oh did you see it last week? Destroyed me. Destroyed me. It does. I've never seen it, but it does seem like that's the whole thing of the show is like, can it make you cry so much?

It does seem to be the whole thing of the show. But, I mean, if you know that it's gonna make you cry doesn't that inoculate you from crying but unless you're there for a cry although if i know she's gonna make me laugh i still laugh that's true big bang theory proves that week in and week out um this first uh overheard comes from kia uh sorrento yeah kia Sorrento. Yeah, Kia Sorrento. No, Casra, not Kia. I'm not sure why I got that wrong, but anyways. Do you smell anything?

You burnt toast. Okay. While working on a taco stand at a Watangi Day festival this week, this is something in... This is dated, you know. Obviously, we received this email at right after what Tangy day, a group of kids walk past.

And I heard the following exchange kid one, but I'm going to get a real tattoo kid to real tattoos. Don't rub off bro. Kid one. Yeah, they do. Oh yeah. Pretty good. I, uh, Yeah, they do. Aw.

Yeah, pretty good. I watch this show that's hosted by Dave Navarro. Yeah, you do watch that show, Ink Masters. But there's a sequel show to it where people who were on previous seasons and hate their tattoo come back and, like, confront. Yeah, because that is the weird thing about these tattoo competition shows is you're doing you're not doing it on a dead animal you took it on a live person you're like wow my kid looks a lot like bart simpson just like holding the picture up and one is the picture of a kid and the other one just as Bart Simpson.

Yeah, that's what your kid looked like to me anyways. But as far as I'm concerned, those people get what they deserve. Yeah, you're going in for a free tattoo that's part of a competition. With a person of unknown skill. Yeah, but then they've made a whole other show out of it where people come back and they're like, listen up. You screwed up. And man, the ones that they screwed up, like there was one of the kids that looked like he had five o'clock shadow. Because they'd done the shaving wrong.

They just looked like the world's first bearded kid oh man that's cool i thought it was really cool yeah yeah it's cooler than you're not bearded kid right it's a metaphor for time we're all children and also it's just a bad tattoo what is dave navarro wearing that show he wears a lot of uh like a like a button-up black silk kind of uh shirt and then like a really tight jacket oh he wears a shirt yeah oh yeah yeah he's not walking around shirtless yes jacket no shirt. That's how I imagine it. Yeah. Jacket, no shirt, no sleeves. But if you're walking around shirtless, somebody is going to try and tattoo you. Will you? Yeah.

I try to keep your hands off them. I won't. I won't. This next one comes from Sarah H. In Bendigo, Victoria, Australia Oh Happy Wetenga Days to you What was the first one from Australia? New Zealand Oh boy

Why was she in a taco stand? Taco stand They would probably say taco I don't know what to say This is on New Year's day i was staying at a beach in victoria australia wandered past a clothing store with an unforgettable name my partner bought a hoodie there and uh the name of the store was flesh fence did i tell you when i was in switzerland there was a tattoo parlor called Pimp Skin?

Oh, that sounds like some kind of like, like a rash that you get. Like, oh, yeah, you've got a case of Pimp Skin. Oh, man. Flesh Fence. Yeah, Flesh Fence. What does that mean? Like to the person who invented it what does flesh fence mean because it's like it's something from silence of the lambs yeah it's really i guess clothes are like a flesh fence man i guess when you think about it but they're not made of flat unless although i never

like my whole life up until i don't know 10 years ago i i thought flesh and skin were the same thing but flesh refers to what's under the skin although flesh toned is skin toned. Yeah, that's true. You don't get a flesh tone. It's just like red. Yeah. Huh. Like the flesh of a, you know, of a fruit. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I guess.

Yeah. Like you. Yeah. Skin. Anyways, flesh fence. Gross. Yeah. Sorry.

I tried to take it somewhere. Who cares? You know what? This last one comes from Christina St. Paul Minnesota Happy Watanga Day to you Yeah exactly it's an international You can celebrate it anywhere

We could sing the Watanga anthem if you guys want Go ahead Oh just me? Yeah well no you go It starts with one guy And we all join Okay yeah I'll do it I mean we're waiting It starts with one guy and we all join. Okay, yeah, I'll do it.

I mean, we're waiting. Oh, Wittanga, it's so, so nice. See, I thought for two milliseconds that you knew a Wittanga Day anthem. I don't know. But you know what? As anthems go, that was nice.

Short. Short. We couldn't join in. It was too short. Too high as well. Last night at dinner, my nine-year-old daughter was talking about a girl at school who was being mean to another kid. I said, you know, when I see someone being mean to another person, I always wonder what's going on inside of them. There must be something in their life that's not going very well.

My daughter thought about it and said, well, her parents are divorced and she is gluten free. Tough, tough time for that kid. Yeah. I don't know what's worse. Probably the gluten thing. Yeah, the gluten's tough. Because how are you going to, well, you tough because how are you gonna well you know

how are you gonna console yourself yeah you can't eat your feeling yeah yeah i mean that's the that's you know cake cakes and lollies are what you get when your uh parents split up from what i've been told from some kind of british with this onEnders? Yeah, yeah, this was on EastEnders. Is this from a Take That song? It was when Take That was on EastEnders. Oh boy. They did that two season run. It was so weird when Westlife was on EastEnders

because it was like, what direction is this show even going? Have you ever seen EastEnders? I do not get any of these references well no i've never watched eastenders either but i definitely have watched as an adult i've seen it on you know i've flipped past it it's a british soap opera okay yeah younger than uh coronation street yeah hip earth and coronation yeah yeah which is a hard level to beat although they're trying to make it they're like have you seen the ads for coronation Street on CBC where they call it Corey?

Oh, really? That's pretty hip. Yeah. That is pretty hip. They're doing a lot of hip hop dancing now, I heard. Yeah. Yeah. Miss Marple's there.

There's another, there's like a second old timey detective show on CBC. Yeah. With the red-headed lady? Yeah, yeah. Frankie Drake? Frankie Drake. For the listener, CBC has a show called... The Murdoch Mysteries.

Murdoch Mysteries, where he's an old-timey policeman who uses old-timey forensics. Yeah, and he's got a constable who's his kind of Watson. And our former prime minister did a guest role on it as like the whatever, lieutenant. As a molester. An old timey pervert. They gave him a role. And they were like, we're not not gonna tailor it just because you're the prime minister

you're gonna be Jack the Ripper and now there's a new show it's a little more modern like yeah like maybe

it takes place in the 40s 20s maybe okay she seems like a flapper like a flapper yeah

she's got a motorcycle yeah and she's Frankie Drake and she wears a flapper. Like a flapper, yeah. She's got a motorcycle. Yeah. And she's Frankie Drake, and she wears a flapper shirt, and she says, I break for flappers. Yeah, and I was on Facebook, and somebody that I'm somehow Facebook friends with was real mad that Olympic coverage was cutting into their Murdoch mystery Frankie Drake hour. Two hours. Two hours, yeah.

Was this person on your Facebook friends with a hundred? Possibly. I haven't watched. I've never watched any of it. I watched the episode where Stephen Harper

was on it. Oh, okay. And that's my sum knowledge of the entire Murdoch universe. How good of an actor is he? Great. Yeah. he great yeah who our prime minister

yeah the best yeah he's good at music you're good at prime ministering you i wish he was still our prime minister yeah yeah he was he was good act he was a triple threat good dancer uh-huh yeah um the you know like just mad flow off the top of the dome. That's right. And then some people say he's Banksy. He's also good at art. He's good at art. He's good at fishing. He's kind of like, I don't know, some kind of carp father.

Some sort of salmon daddy. Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. No joke, that's one. SpyPod 1, baby, here we go. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests.

This is Cormac. I'm out of Philadelphia. I have, I guess, like, a couple of overseens. But essentially, I don't know if you heard, the Eagles won the Super Bowl. Yeah. So Philadelphia went fucking nuts on Thursday. It was the parade.

It was a wild time. Very good time. I guess my first overseen was I saw several penises just mend, pe, like, openly out in the street. They're trying to be, like, coy about it, but, like, I saw everything. Don't watch everyone. But the real cream of the crop, the real cherry on top is I saw a guy who was like, Yeah! Eagles! Go Eagles! But, like, he was holding a box turtle above his head.

He's like, yeah, eagles. But he had a turtle. And it was like 30 degrees. Poor guy. Well, off I go. Oh, man. Well, it's because he didn't have an eagle. But he's like, what do i got in my

apartment turtle turtles like an eagle um yeah so people just peeing in the streets i guess peeing in the streets i like how he said that they were being coy about it i don't think that's the right word coy is like sort of a maybe i'm peeing yeah yeah it's sort of a come hither pee yeah they've got like the fans from the fan dance. Oh, yeah. But like, would it be fun to be a part of something like that? Yeah. Like a big.

A drunken parade? Yeah, a drunken parade. Like a drunken, you know, sports thing. Yes. Yeah. Of course it would be. I guess it would be pretty fun. It means you won. It means you're drunk. It Sports thing. Yes. Yeah. I guess it would be, I guess it'd be pretty fun. It means you won.

It means you're drunk. It means you're drunk. None of the people there are against, they're against their will. No, that's true. I mean, there's gotta be some people who are like caught to trying to get home.

That turtle's not too happy about it. Yeah. Maybe that guy's just wrapping up his shift at the pet store. I'm supposed to deliver this turtle. Turtle delivery. Valentine's turtle. We brought you a bouquet of turtles

for you. Don't lick them, they've got salmonella. Here's your next phone call. david graham and whoever else uh this is jake in denver i was just at target uh walking around like the men's clothing section there's two employees like folding clothes and one of them had knee pads which isn't really relevant but it's also kind of the only thing that matters anyway uh he turns to his co-worker and i'm going to try to match his pacing exactly here. He says,

do you think it's disturbing or cute when people try to fold their clothes on their own? That's all. Yeah. Because there's a way to do it. And people who have not worked in that specific kind of retail do not know what they're doing.

Well, and you go to look at a shirt and you don't even, you pick it up wrong. So it comes unfolded. You weren't expecting it to. Yeah. Like, oh, what do I do now? Yeah. I've definitely tried to fold like a pair of pants that I, that I didn't want anymore. And just being like, well, that doesn't fit in with the rest of them at all.

Have you ever done that thing where you pull a pair of pants out from the bottom of the pile and then it unfolds the whole pile? Yeah. I'm just trying to find, you know, my size. Yeah. But yeah, I've seen people who used to work in retail fold a shirt. It's such a thing to behold. Oh, yeah. So nice.

Sometimes they have that little plastic, you know, flat helper thing. Dare to dream. They should have that in the Olympics. Shirt folding? Shirt folding, yeah. I mean, Summer Olympics, they could do t-shirts. Winter, they could do sweaters. Why do they not have sumo wrestling in the Olympics?

That is a good question. Because it seems like it would be popular enough. I mean, it's mostly popular in a singular country, but that doesn't mean that other countries wouldn't pick it up. I feel like if it was in the Olympics, you would get, like that's maybe the only sport I would be interested in watching. Yeah, yeah. Because I saw like a like

whatever is dumb commercial with a sumo wrestler figure skating and i was like but why isn't that an olympic sport if biathlon's an olympic sport then this sumo wrestling should be olympic sport there i said it do you know what you know how there's like, that's like the modern pentathlon, heptathlon? No, yeah, the modern pentathlon. And that, it's like horse riding, gun shooting. Suvier, make a suvier. I think it's swimming, and it's the skills you would need to, if you were like caught behind enemy lines. Right, right. If you were like a POW on the go,

on the run or something. On the go. On the gun. For that POW on the up. It's like a, you know, a breakfast that's just a granola bar. I say one word wrong. In 519 episodes.

Here's your final overheard. Hi, Jen from Toronto calling with an overheard. I was in a mall change room and I heard a woman trying to console her friend a couple doors down like so. No, you don't look like a boy. You look like a homeless person. There's a big difference. You look like a homeless person is a big difference you look like a homeless girl uh well i mean that consoling is an art you gotta and uh i think that was a pretty good job yeah

that person was doing you look like a homeless. Person was worried about looking like a boy. What's the opposite of boy? Homeless girl. Homeless girl. Like, uh, cause the boy implicitly has a home. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, I mean, it has, a girl has 77% of the home boy has usually on average. Yeah. Um, the,

uh, change room in a mall, which I haven't done in a very long time but uh people do like to have really intimate conversations in those what is it about a change room that makes you think that people right next to you can't hear it is barely a room yeah but like people are like now that we're in private i hate my thighs speaking of folding clothes that's the like the relief is the change room like you can just hand your like this shirt didn't work for me at all yeah here you go lady you can do that thing where like you like you don't pull

the pants off kind of cuff first you just roll them down inside out. No. Weird. They fit weird. Yes. I know you said they'd fit weird, but you were right. Okay. Yeah.

Here's your prize. Yeah. Um, yeah. I, do you ever think like when you buy a shirt at a store like that, do you think about, has this been tried on?

Yeah. Yeah. That's why I always ask them to get one from the back. Do you have this in a pristine? Well, that's why I like buying stuff online and you come, like it comes to your house and then you come. Yeah. It was delivered at just the right time.

But it's in the factory bag quite often. But you don't know what those factories were. It's true. There's one guy trying on. That's his whole job. Every day is the pretty woman scene where they're just trying clothes on at the factory. Fun. I'm still stuck on turtle delivery.

Sure. Like late night turtle delivery. Yeah, this turtle's going to get crossed town. I'm going to

lose my foodora. Five star rating. Somebody's going to eat the turtle. Well,

I ordered a turtle from the pet store. I'm going to eat it. I guess, I ordered a turtle from the pet store. I'm going to eat it. I guess you didn't need to know that last part. Yeah, I like that. And the guy calling Foodora and being like, can you pick something up from the pet store for me? And he's like, I don't think so.

I was like, but I'm going to eat it for sure. Is it dehydrated dog food? Because I can do that. Is it wet dog food that I'm going to eat it for sure. Is it dehydrated dog food? Because I can do that. Is it wet dog food that you're going to dehydrate? Can you pick me up a new iPhone? I'm going to eat that too. Yeah, I'm Mr. Mange or whatever. Mr. Mange too.

Well, that's the end of this here podcast. Abdul, you've got your own podcast. Yes. It comes out. It comes out every Tuesday. The season one finale should be out now, or it's about to come out. Okay. And it is an improvised Dungeons & Dragons podcast.

None of us really knew what we were doing when we started it. So it's mostly improv. Uh, it was a lot of fun. You don't really need to know anything about Dungeons and Dragons to enjoy it. What if I called, Oh, it's called spout lore. Spout lore.

It's like lemon lime. Yeah. And anything else you'd like to plug? Yeah. Um, we, I, I produced a compilation album with, for Laughs Northwest, JFL Northwest.

Women in Song. Yes. Yeah. That's what I call music. But it's got a lot of the former guests on it. It's got Katie Ellen on it. It's got Sophie on it. It's got all the hits.

What do you call this compilation? It's called the JFL Northwest Compilation. Oh, man. Well, it sounds like you're making that up right now. Wait, wait, wait, wait. It's called JFL Northwest. Well, thanks for coming. Oh, no. we are out of time

yeah our producer is giving us the high sign hi yes I know but it's it'll be available on iTunes yeah it'll be available on

it should come out on the 28th it'll be available on, on, on iTunes. Yeah. It'll be available on, it's should come out on the 28th. Then, uh, yeah, it'll be available on iTunes, Spotify, all those good places. Run. Don't walk to Spotify. And look up JFL Northwest compilation. Wait, let me actually get the name. All right. Oh boy.

Um, and, uh, speaking of JFL Northwest We, you and I Yeah, Graham and I Will be doing a live podcast Yep And it's going to be at the Biltmore Cabaret You got it, March 8th And Are tickets still on sale?

We don't know We don't know, we have no way of knowing Look, we're not We're not Look, we haven't talked to our guy Yeah, yeah, yeah Gordon What is it called, this compilation?

It's called JFL Northwest Best of the West Compilation. Best of the West Contest. Compilation. Yeah. And you know what? If you like the podcast, you can go online. You can go and you can engage. Yeah, get the net.

Yeah. Go to Twitter. It's at Stop Podcasting. We're on Facebook. We have a great group there. People are very friendly and posting. Yeah. And if you like the show.

Stop Podcasting yourself. That's the name of the show. And the Facebook group. What's so funny? I don't know. It's just a funny way to. Can we go? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, can you end it? I don't know. It's just a funny way to... Can we go? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Can you end it? Dave wants to go. If you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.