Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 528 - Kelli Ogmundson

Episode Date: April 30, 2018

Actress and improviser Kelli Ogmundson joins us to talk musical theatre, Borg vs. McEnroe, and the Indian holiday of Vaisakhi.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 528 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who was cut out of the most recent Avengers film, Mr. Dave Shumka. The one with Ralph Fiennes and Uma Thurman? Yep. Yeah, I was cut out of that. Yeah, what was your role again?

I was the top hat. I was the talking top hat. Can we speak to the top hat? Okay. Oi, bruv. Fancy top hat. Isn't it? Oh, where's me cane, friend?

Was there a talking cane as well? Yeah. Oh, boy. This movie deserves another watch. Why weren't there more Ralph Fiennes action movies? Well, that's a very good question. Was he? Do you know why?

Has he come back in anything lately? He was in that Wes Anderson movie. The Grand Budapest Hotel. Oh, yeah. The Bud. Yeah, but him and Liam Neeson, they were in Schindler's List together, and then Liam Neeson went, I'm gonna go do crazy

action movies for the rest of my career. Yeah. And Ralph Fiennes was like, I'll just do genteel. Was he Voldemort? Yes. Oh, there we go. That's his franchise picture. Did I pronounce that right? Voldemort? Voldemort. Is this a drama drama thing?

It's a name that you're not supposed to say, is it? Right? Is this the name you're not supposed to say? Looking at me like, this girl knows. You're there. You're there. You're a child. Young girl, what day is it?

Why, it's Christmas. Yes, Voldemort. That voice that you're hearing is our guest today. She's part of the Little Mountain Improv Comedy Troupe that performs every Tuesday at Little Mountain. And it's Kelly Augmanson, everybody. Hi. Hi, Kelly.

Hi, welcome. Hi. Yeah. Hello, welcome. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. Oh, you know what? No problem. Cool. Should we get to know us. Yeah. Hello. Welcome. Thanks for coming. Thanks for having me. Oh, you know what? No problem.

Cool. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Kelly. Yeah. Last name Augment then. You bet.

I feel like I want to give you a nickname. I feel like I want to have something Augie or. Yeah, yeah. I think some relatives of mine have been Augies. Yeah, I feel like it's really like it's jumping out at me. Augie, the Aug. Kellogg. Oh, Kellogg.

I mean, Kelly Augmanson. Yeah, Kellogg's really good. Kellogg, I thought you said catalog. Kellogg's not bad. Because of, you know. You know, because of. The Sears. Sure. Was Kellogg a nickname because of you know because of the Sears sure

did you was catalog a nickname I've gotten it a couple times but I you know I never was

I was always somebody who wanted a nickname but catalog it very rarely happened catalog catalog we'll call you catalog

yeah cause your cause your last name is Augmenton and you're from Catalonia yeah perfect that's it that's the one you grew up around here Because your last name is Augmenton and you're from Catalonia. Yeah. Perfect.

That's it. That's the one. You grew up around here. Yeah. And around this very house. Yeah. You've been haunting us for years. I'm just the small girl from the walls.

And tell us, spin us a yarn. Tell us about yourself. Because this is your first time on the podcast. It is. It sure is. Yeah. What's new? I'm not.

What's been going on the last few years? What have I been doing? I went to school. I went to college. And then I graduated. I went for musical theater. It's something I like to joke about a lot. So you went to get a degree in musical theater?

A diploma. Sure. You bet. Okay. lot and you went to like to get a degree in musical theater uh a diploma sure not a recognized degree yeah no no not a musical theater but yeah i went i went to school for that and have you have you done any musical theater since i yeah i actually i did for like a bit out of right out of school and then i i stopped for a while because I was doing other acting stuff that wasn't musicals. But then I just did, so I just finished a contract with the Arts Club. I did the musical called Fun Home. Ah, Fun Home. Yeah, it's based off the…

Bechdel. Yeah, the Alison Bechdel memoir slash graphic novel. Now it's Bechdel. Bechdel. Of the best. Is being in a musical fun? Because it looks tremendously fun. Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah. Is it really? It is. Would it be fun for us? I bet. Because at some point you're like, this is outrageous. But then it's, you know. Like, look how silly this is.

Yeah. But the coordinated dance and the singing with a bunch of people seems. Did they practice that? No. Oh, whoa. They're just so moved. Yeah, they're like, oh, okay, let's all. No, no, there's lots of rehearsal in it.

I mean, the show I just did, it was a very, a very sad, moving, not very much dancey, happy. What's the craziest, dancey, happiest one you've been in? The show The Boyfriend, probably. The Boyfriend. The Boyfriend. What's that about? It's set in the 20s, and it's like, oh, this girl wants a boyfriend. And then everybody's like, you can't have a boyfriend.

And then she's like, but I want a boyfriend and then she's like but i want this boyfriend and i played a french maid it was like outrageous i had a whole song that was like i like doing it with men in all these different countries oh oh yeah you could have a boyfriend no problem the lead character it's like that jay-z song about how he's got girls all over the world yeah Yeah, right. Yeah. Wow. So, yeah, and the 20s seems like if you want to set a musical, the 20s is the time. Oh, yeah, the roaring 20s. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, it wouldn't take a lot for you to imagine people just spontaneously dancing. I mean, I think they do it for every, they've done it, like, I can name, give me a decade and I'll name the musical. Hmm, the 80s. Oh, boy, give me a decade and I'll name the musical. The 80s. Oh boy, Xanadu? Oh, wow. Xanadu, Xanadu. What was the worst musical you've been in?

Oh boy. And feel free, no one who was in them is going to hear this. Yeah, yeah. Probably I did like a show that, you know, was written to do in like a summer when I was like 14 in like a park somewhere. And it was set like in the underworld. I played as, no. It was like, it was, you know, it was sort of like a weird, weird mess. And I remember my mom coming and being like, okay. That's the worst sure

when uh even your parents can't get enthusiastic yeah they can't even help your like 14 year old daughter is like this is what I want to do with my life and she's like you mean your afterlife in the underworld now uh I remember going to a friend show that was not advertised as a musical and i found out it was a musical in the first five minutes of the show and uh you can't leave a friend show because often the the door is revisible yeah uh but yeah it feels unfair to sneak a musical on somebody it should say a musical on the... Yeah. Yeah, they should...

Yeah, because it's not everybody's cup of tea. You're an expert. Are there any laws around this? There should be. Yeah. Yeah. There should be, because otherwise, you know, I mean, some, like, you're like, sure, hello, Dolly, that's got to be a musical, right? Or, like, this thing you were talking, the boyfriend.

It was like, well, it doesn't seem very plot happy. I bet they stretch it out through song. This woman wants a boyfriend. Oh, man, can you imagine? A very rot, very just, it's just a very sad, minimal no set. Just about a girl who wants a black box theater, yeah. Just like, just sobbing. What was going to school? minimal no set just about a girl who wants a black fox theater yeah just like just sobbing

what was going to school for a musical theater like did that attract just like the show fame and center stage

and yeah what's the new one uh isn't there a new one that's like that like dang it

uh I know there was there was bun heads that was it's bun heads there was uh i think they were redoing center stage and they were filming here but i don't know maybe it's called center stage i don't know stage uh is it a movie or a show i want to say a tv movie but the best of both worlds there was a no you know what i i i can't answer that guys just googling musical theater tv show it's basically like yeah new fame show yeah but i remember like uh you know going to an acting class and being very jealous of how uh how everybody in

acting classes they're very like i don't know they're like free with their personality like they're not they're not like did you do any in high school uh i did a bit in high school and then when i went to film school they made us take a week of acting classes just so we would know what the hell's going on in the acting world. And it was a lot of like, put your hand on the person next to you's shoulder and just look at them. And I was so terrified. Yeah. Yeah. And you'd be surprised how many people are like not comfortable with that.

And then some people are like too comfortable with that. And then you get that mix of like that going on and you're just trying to like learn like, okay, like doing my best. But yeah, no, it's interesting theater school.

You know, you, you do the dancing aspect of it. You take dance classes three days a week and acting and singing private vocal lessons. How is your singing? It's okay. It's okay.

What's your dream role? Yeah. Oh. Can we guess? Yeah, sure. Annie. Are you too old to play Annie? Dolly from Hello Dolly.

I mean, I wasn't Annie when I was a kid. As Annie? No. I played Molly, the even smaller orphan like molly molly yeah when'd she get her own spin-off musical they should have she was she's like the sassy littlest one i was like 15 and she was like six huh yeah uh no uh my dream role i don't know uh just to have a steady job would be nice oh yeah uh just you know what if the the first step in knowing and getting what you want is just deciding what you want that's right

did i say that right um well you know you want a dream role that's in a show that keeps the that keeps going yeah like cats or yeah yeah with. With the show I just did, the cool thing about it is they show Alison Bechdel at three different ages. So, her at like 9, 19, and 43. And I played her at 19. So, I could just like keep playing until I'm playing the 43-year-old role. And that would be really amazing. Yeah. Age along with the character yeah just like

grow up take over alice in bechtel's life or just add some wrinkles some stage wrinkles yeah put some flour in your hair yeah did you ever no you would never sing uh no i was uh You ever sang on stage? No. No, no, no. Not outside of like a karaoke. Oh, right. But I would never do... I mean, not never, but I've never had the opportunity. I don't think our school put on musicals. I think they were like too difficult. Right.

We'll put on a production of MASH. That's what my school did was MASH. That's what my school did was MASH. The TV show? Yep. They did just a couple episodes. They did a two episode arc. Yeah, one with the laugh track. Like an act one, act two, two episode arc. Yeah, we did MASH. We did a Law and Order.

I would go to a high school production of like a Law and Order like 100% go to that that would be insane but you sit down and you're like this is a musical? 5 minutes in oh boy that would be really good yeah

and the kids are walking around like there's little bells are with those transitions lenses. I play little Belzer. Oh, boy. Oh, that's cute. And so now you're doing the improv. You're still acting in plays and things like that. When they come available to me, yeah. You're doing TV stuff? You're doing you're still acting in plays and things like that when they when they come

available to me yeah you're doing tv stuff you're doing ads yeah i've done i've done those things how do you like auditioning are you good at auditioning no i'm pretty bad really i uh yeah i i think i shoot myself in the foot a lot i get quite nervous and then i start talking and then then it just goes to shit every i the office where i work is right next to an auditioning oh yeah place a casting agent and today there was a burst pipe in one of the bathrooms that has nothing to do with anything but it was just like then they were auditioning plumbers yeah We'll see what you do. Turn to the side. Show us your hands. Every day, it's a lot of, every day I like to guess, kind of. Oh, yeah.

Or not even guess. I just like being surprised by this group of lookalike people. Yeah, yeah. Today, it was heavy metal dudes, and then moms, and then people in running gear. Oh, cool. And I was walking by this guy, and he was giving another guy audition advice and i was like your slate your slate is like your handshake i've heard guys getting callbacks just from their slate no no what's a slate what is it when you say your name dave shumka uh you know stop podcasting yourself agency auditioning for

the role of Ruth. And the worst is for commercials are always like, and a fun fact, you're like, Kelly Ogbesson, 5'1". I had a lot of brunch this morning. Or like, almost all of it is like, I love rock climbing. Or like, I enjoy sports. Yeah. I had a lot of brunch this morning. I did that once.

Why are you having brunch on a weekday? Because I'm an actor. Now, like, have you heard crazy stories about auditions? Because there's always, like, you know, this audition, this actor came in and just sat there and stared at the casting director. And they got the role. That actor was, you know, somebody, Dustin Hoffman or whatever. Have you ever heard any, like, crazy stories? I've had, like, people go in and they'll be like, well, how many Twitter followers do you have?

And they compare Twitter followers. Oh. And then there's also people who just crash auditions. They just show up and they don't have them. I did that once for the shop i just did really yeah i didn't have an audition but i was like i think i'd be good for this part so i just wow you can do that um yeah they don't love it but like you can so what do you do like you're sitting in the room with because they come out and they call people yeah then what do you do so i uh the place that was auditioning has like a code to get in, and I didn't have the code.

So I stood outside for about five hours. Five hours? Wow. In the rain with my little brelly. And then I snuck in with a friend of mine, and then I was like, can I get seen? And they were like, no. Oh. But you can come back tomorrow.

What? The suspense was like that moment between no and you can come back tomorrow. Heartbreaking. This is like the Steven Spielberg sneaking off of the tour story. Have you ever heard that? No. No. That he went on the Universal Backlot Tour and he just snuck off and then found an empty desk and just sat down and started working.

What? That's the legend. When he was on the tour, was he inspired by that Jaws? Yeah. He was like, that would be some kind of movie. Good thing they already have this.

They took him through all of his movies that he would make. Yeah. Oh, a big rolling ball chasing a guy. Sounds exciting. Yeah. That's very bold of you. Yeah yeah that was by far the most bold i've ever been in my entire life uh is a musical theater audition like you see on tv where you bring sheet music and there's someone at a piano yep you bet wow yeah and do you have to say give me

a bouncy seat yeah every single no matter what the song. You're singing I Dream to Dream, you're like, bouncy seat. Yeah. Wow. Yeah, and sometimes, like, with certain shows, you know, they're quite dance heavy. So you go in and you do your, like, dance call, which is so terrifying. And you wear, like, sometimes you wear a number. Do you wear a dance belt?

No, but that's because I am a woman. Do you wear a dance belt? No, but that's because I am a woman. Why do you put on a dance belt? Do you know what it is? No. I guess it holds your penis down. You betcha. Okay. I'm guessing since you're a woman, it's a penis holder.

Yes, that's exactly what it is. Oh, wow. I heard a thing about, did you know that NFL players don't wear cups? What? I saw a thing on TV on like, there was the ultimate like Aaron Rodgers fan thing. And he was there, the football player. People had to ask questions or answer questions about him. And someone like, they were like, not necessarily football questions.

And one of the answers. Like, when should I start working on my taxes? But one of the, like, they weren't about, like, you know, stats or things. It was like, I forget what the question was, but this woman answered something about a cup. And he said, actually, I'd say 95% of NFL players don't wear cups. That's insane. That seems like a bad decision. I guess they're, it's, I don't know.

Like a helmet coming at your crotch. Helmet, a ball, just an errant elbow. Did they never watch the Simpsons football in the garage? Yeah. They wear the jock straps to, like a dance belt, to hold it down. Like a dance belt. Thank you. But no cups.

I guess it's, I don't know why. No. I mean, but then. Because I looked it up later and there was some explanation of it, but it didn't scan to me. Yeah, it definitely doesn't seem like something that would slow you down. I mean, maybe, maybe a little. I don't know. It's been a long time since I wore a cup.

I mean, I'm wearing a dance belt right now. But that's just for day-to-day use. I like to skip down the street. I'm assuming a dance belt, you've seen one, right? Not on a human, but I've seen one. It's like a jockstrap. Is it like a jockstrap? Yeah, almost identical, yeah.

But nowhere to put a cup. A jockstrap has a little cup inside. I can't believe I never thought about that, ever. That never crossed my mind how that whole apparatus would work. The penis? Yeah, for dancing. Yeah. Because, yeah, there were.

Lots of twirling and whatnot, so. Yeah. What about the thrusting? Oh, yeah. Xanadu, you know. Because I feel like wrestlers would wear like they'd wear something and then their tights over top of it

so that there wouldn't be any floppage going on and I appreciated that your tights are you think you would hold it down enough yeah but you want

you want to make this is why we invited you yeah like we want to know how this works yeah but I'm impressed that you would show up to an audition you weren't called for you're here. We want to know how this works.

But I'm impressed that you would show up to an audition you weren't called for and then you got the role. That's like you're like you're an inspiration to actors everywhere.

Well, it doesn't happen all the time but yeah, sometimes it does. When they even booked the casting woman it was like

I love a good crashing story. I was like oh, is that why I got cast? I just needed a story to tell. I'm going to a dinner party later tonight. Yeah.

Yeah, because I did some auditions last year, and the weirdest thing that happened was a guy brought a gun to an audition because it was an Old West. I got an email from a casting director that was like just like from my agent being like uh just a heads up please don't ever bring yeah that was

that was because of this guy holy smokes yeah oh wow and we were all the other people were also dressed like cowboys i was the only guy who was like i'm fine thanks you. You know what? People can use their imaginations. Yeah. Yeah, if they have a hat in the room, I'll put it on. Sure, if they need to see me in a hat. Yeah. But when the guy put the gun in the holster, we were all like, that looked like a real. Was it like a modern gun or a cowboy gun? Was it like a Glock? He's like, it's the only gun that I had access to.

My wife took my gun. Yeah. I had to go get this gun. My wife, Bonnie Lee Bakley. That was a very funny reference. Oh, so auditioning. Auditioning. Living the life. Yeah. Owitioning, living the life.

Yeah. Owning guns. Yeah. Yeah, doing that. Doing that old chestnut. Sometimes teaching kids. Oh, yeah. Before, yeah.

You're a dance teacher? A creative dance assistant. Let's downgrade this. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But those kids are funny. How old are the kids? The first class I helped today was like a two to three year old parenting me class.

Uh-huh. And the second was a three to five year old class. Okay. Yeah. So what it like my three year old takes a dance class. Cute. And she'll come back and do some skipping. Yeah.

That's yeah. Yeah. Like pretending to be a fairy that sort of thing. Yeah. Yeah. That's yeah. That's kind of what we're doing there. But you're an assistant. Yeah, but I'm an assistant, so I'm like, skip with me, you know?

Yeah, yeah. There was one kid today, it really, really made me laugh. He was, we all had scarves in our hands and we were like, you know, skipping around like fairies. Yeah. And he had just plopped himself down on the ground and covered himself in the scarves and was not moving like it was like a still small like three-year-old boy just like lying there middle of the room covered in scarves i'm a dead fairy i died face to the floor like he was planking and it was you know, years ago when that was a thing. Yeah.

This kid is too young to know about planking. There are people who are too young to know about planking. I know. I know. Yeah. It's, uh, uh, I love,

I think I love that kid. It's great. It's my type of kid. It's like, uh, I'm going to go in another direction and this still counts. I'm interpreting. Yeah. This is of kid. Yeah. That's like, I'm going to go in another direction. Yeah. And this still counts. I'm interpreting. Yeah, this is creative dance.

Yeah. What type of music do you creative dance to? Oh, a lot of like Jackson 5 hits. They really find them quite like boogie, boogie full. Yeah, they are boogie full. Yeah, and they're like, nobody's swearing or anything in them. No. That stuff. A, B,'re like, nobody's swearing or anything in them, so. No. That stuff.

A, B, C. It's the fuck up my life. Easy as fuck, my shit. Oh, no. That's what they were saying? I don't listen to music. Yeah. Did you dance when you were a little kid?

I think I did until I was about five, and then I stopped until I started doing musical theater again when I was like 14. Okay. Yeah. You went and had some theater again when I was like 14. Okay. Yeah. You went and had some gap years. My gap, yeah. Yeah. And a couple gap years where I was like, yeah, I'm going to keep playing basketball. Oh, right.

You were a basketball prodigy? Sure. At four foot two. You played basketball for a long time? I did. i did i did yeah my dad was the coach okay yeah how was that um it was uh it was uh it was great your dad was bobby knight yeah yeah when your dad started throwing chairs on the on the floor yeah uh the the best were like when i started getting you know more dramatic uh one day in the car ride home, because we'd play sometimes out in Chilliwack. And I remember driving home with my dad and being so huffy.

And I was like, I don't know if you're talking to me as my dad right now or as my coach. And he was like, okay. He's like, it's up to you. If you want to dump Gatorade on my head, then I guess it was a coach. You want to dump cocoa on my head, then it was a dad. You know when someone's tall and you ask them how tall they are and they're like six foot nine and you're like, do you play basketball? Is always the question. Has anyone ever asked you any question as an average heighted person based on your height?

Yeah. How's the weather mid-range? Yeah. Because, yeah, it's a weird thing that I guess only the very tall and the very short? Yeah. Yeah, mid-range, they're like, do you own a sedan of some sort? Yeah. Was it, did you, like, go to basketball camp or anything like that yeah i did a couple

times because my uh my uncles did um camps out in chilliwack that's where they live so i'd go over there and then um uh i remember going to one kind of near the end of my basketball career uh don't say it's over it's i mean you blow your knee out yeah um uh but i remember going to one at like i think it was at douglas college and it was boys and girls mix which was like kind of intimidating because i was also quite small and even like a 13 year old boy can be like 5 10 yeah and uh boy can there and i remember getting just humbled and I was like, you know what? I don't want to do this anymore. I'm going to dance. I am here.

I'm way too dramatic for any of this. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, I feel like, especially it sounds like your dad and your uncles were involved. This was a family, like you had to play basketball. I had to basketball. You had to basketball.

Yeah. It was, yeah. She's play basketball. I had to basketball. You had to basketball. Yeah. It was, yeah. She's got a basketball. Love and basketball. That's the whole plot of the thing. It's mostly songs, but basketball in the 20s. Yeah. I want a basketball.

I'm not going to make up a song. Well, you started. I stopped it. I started and I stopped. Yeah, that was pretty much it. Yeah, kind of a small family thing. But mostly, I don't think any of my cousins really played it. It was just me.

Well, they really focused in on you. Like, you're going to be the one. Yeah, I had a liking to it. And I loved being short but good. Like, I was like, wild card wild card surprise attack are you still do you still ever play um occasionally are you still good i'm i'm not as good as i used to be but i'm still short i'm still short i'm still good could uh you and say another woman go down and like play badly on a court until some guys show up and they're like we'll play you for money and then then you turn it on

oh yeah I bet I have a friend and we used to shoot hoops for a while she's actually quite good she's small so

see because that's yeah what world are they thinking these men are like like first of all they're they're setting themselves up

to get hustled several times a week I challenge people to things, and I always say, let's make it interesting. Are these men already good, or are they you? No, they're pretty good, and that's why they're confident. But why do they think this person would take the bet?

I don't know, because of the music they're listening to. How often does that work for them, that they're going to win a bet? No, they never win, these guys. Right. These guys are terrible. But you think, like, maybe you could hustle? Hustle as basketball players? Maybe.

Maybe. Why not? Yeah. I used to play pals a couple years ago, and I would always win at horse, so. I don't know what that is. Graham. I don't know what horse is. Do, I don't know what horse is. Do you want me to explain horse? Please do.

Tell them, Kelly. If you miss a shot, you get a letter and if you spell horse, you lose. And you have to take the same shot. So if you're like, oh, I'm going to from this spot with my left hand or like do a layup or whatever. Or like over the shoulder

through the leg. Yeah. Nothing but net. It's like that Michael Jordan, Larry Bird McDonald's commercial. Oh, okay. Okay. Yeah. And then it's not like at the end whoever has horse spelled doesn't get like a ball thrown at their head or something like that.

No, they just lose and then they're, you know, you have to live with that. That's the hardest part of that. Oh, boy. That's the hardest part of losing. The living after. Yeah. Ideally, you want to lose for the last time.

On your deathbed. Yeah, have your head fall off. That's how I want to go. That's why it was better in, like, Mayan times. Yes. Yeah. Wait, no,

didn't the winner of whatever their... The winner got their head cut off? Yeah, I think so. They could be with the gods. Oh, wow. What? There was this like precursor to basketball

that they would like have to hit a ball off their hip through a sideways stone hoop. And then there's this one guy who's always faking an injury. Like, oh, I missed it again. I guess it won't be my head coming off this week. Oh, nuts. Look, I apologize if it was Incan or Aztec, but I said Mayan.

Oh, boy. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, here's a weird thing I did uh so I'm like I have children I never go out no

I saw one movie this year was The Post starring Meryl Streep and then the other day I was like I drove past the movie theater and I saw that a movie was playing. And I was like, oh, maybe I'll go to that movie by myself. Yeah. So that night I was doing bedtime and I looked up the movie and it was playing at 9.15 at my local theater.

It's called Borg vs. McEnroe. Okay. It's starring Shia La called Borg vs. McEnroe. Okay. It's starring Shia LaBeouf as John McEnroe. And I was like, okay, it's at 9.15. It's a Monday night.

It's only playing in one theater, I'm imagining. I should probably buy my ticket online in case I get online in case there's in case I get there late and there's a lot of Borg heads out there.

So what I did is I bought my ticket online I showed up at the movie theater you know it was 10 minutes before it started. Walked in nobody even working the front of the movie theater. Like

I was like I had it on my phone and I was like, I don't know what I do with this. There's nobody here to help me. So I just walked right up to the concession stand. I was like, does this work? Can I go in? And I got popcorn. Serving yourself the popcorn. Yeah.

There were four people working and as they were giving me, yeah, there were four people working. And as they were giving me my popcorn, I said, am I the only one here? And they said, no, there's another guy. You know what? There were six people there by the time it started. So maybe eight. And was it good? Oh, boy. The started. Okay. Maybe eight. And was it good? Oh, boy.

The suspense. Yeah. Well, you know, it's not really about being a good movie. It's about being a movie. Yeah. It's about being an hour, 45 minutes. Yeah.

Mostly in Swedish, which I was not prepared for. Oh, boy. Shia LaBeouf, he's really making some odd decisions in this latter part of his career. You gotta give it to the latter part of his career. You think it's over for him?

Am I wrong? Is he not heading into the sunset with the... Like, he was in an Indiana Jones film. That didn't take. He was in multiple Transformers. Transformers, yeah. And then I feel like now he's doing weird movies. Yeah.

Then he got naked in one of Sigur Rós' music videos. Oh, that was just a music video. Yeah. I remember seeing him. He wasn't wearing a dance belt. He was flopping all over the place. He was flopping all over the place. All right.

And then he. He was flopping all over the place. He was flopping all over the place. All right. And then he. He did. He went to like a movie premiere with a. Or was it an award show? Oh, yeah.

With a bag on his head that said, I am not famous anymore. Yeah. And then he had an art installation called I am not famous anymore. Yeah. And then he got trolled a lot by all right people online. Oh, he did? Oh, whoa. Yeah.

I think he. He had some, some you know reasonable political stance sure people didn't like that and then he was in like he he's been in a lot of movies that i didn't know existed like uh that it'll just pop up on netflix or something and it's came out this year and you're like well i never like this liked this. This is a boy versus macaron. I didn't hear about that. You guys didn't hear about this? No.

Oh, well. Not even a little bit. Yeah. It's like a movie. Yeah. It's absolutely fits the criteria of a movie. Credits at the end. Credits at the end.

Yeah. Mostly Swedish, which is what I look for in a movie. Some sort of score. Yep. Yep. Tennis score, mostly. 30 love in a movie. Some sort of score. Yep. Tennis score, mostly. 30 love, 40 love, that kind of thing. It has a lot of weird moments of when actors have to pretend to be athletes. Yeah.

Yeah. That sort of like, what kind of posture would this guy have? I bet they studied old film. Just like, maybe he was a little more ape-like. Yeah. Than your average guy. As it was back in the day. Yeah, because it was ape time.

1980. Yeah, because sometimes they cast somebody that obviously has never played. Yeah. In a sport, but maybe they look like the... Yeah, I don't know if they were... It was definitely like there were some times where they would go to a close-up of the actor after a wide shot of real good players and go to a close-up. And they're just much slower and they're just not as natural at it they do a big dive and they land and then they reveal in another shot

that's their face and was it is it funny or is it serious or what neither I guess it's serious just a movie Is it funny or is it serious? Neither. I guess it's serious. Just a movie.

Yeah, it's really kind of, there's not much story to it. It's mostly about how intense these people are. Yeah. And how Bjorn Borg is a big weirdo. Like had to, when he played tennis, he had to have the room really cold when he slept at night to keep his pulse down low. Like, Oh wow. Cause he was like a robot.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Oh, Borg. Oh, Borg. I get it. Yeah.

That should have known. Yeah. That's, that's on me. Do you, known yeah yeah that's that's on me um do you you like watching a movie by yourself because some people love it myself including and some people think that it's like the weirdest thing in the world and they can't stand it is i mean like the idea of having to get a babysitter to pay them, you know, I don't know what this would have been. I don't know. Forty bucks.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Being out for a few hours to see this movie with my wife who would not ever want to see this movie. This was kind of a no brainer. Yeah. Yeah. How about you?

Do you like going to a movie by yourself? I have never done it. Oh, really? Yeah, but I... Never? Never, but I've had plans of being like, okay, I'm going to go see this movie. But almost every time somebody's like,

hey, what are you doing? I'm like, oh, I was going to go see this movie, and they'll join. They crash your movie. Yeah, but the thing is, I want to see a movie. There's a movie I'd like to see that John Krasinski Quiet Place was. Yeah, yeah the thing is, I want to see a movie. There's a movie I'd like to see that John Krasinski quiet place was. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But I'm scared to go to a scary movie alone. Well, yeah. Yeah. Well, you can find someone to go to. But I haven't been able to find anybody who wants to see a scary movie with me. With your fiancee. I'm single. I'm alone.

Oh, oh. Don't go to that movie alone. You need to recruit somebody. You saw it? No, but any horror movie, this one's silent. This one's a quiet one. It's a silent film.

The walk home is the thing, or the walk to the wherever. Exactly. I totally agree with that. I live alone, so I feel like I... agree with that. And then I live alone. So I feel like I. What's with your fiance? I live alone. You're waiting until you're married.

Don't move in. Okay. I get it. What fiance? Show me one, please. But yeah, I would. Yeah. The type of movies that I think you go to see alone are, like, the Bjorn versus Borg movie. Bjorn versus Borg?

That's crazy. Bjork versus Borg. I would watch that movie. I love Bjork. But, you know, like, an indie, like, you know, like where it's like a quiet and then you can, you can think about it. I can have my own personal opinion on this movie. Yeah. Not listen to somebody else's wrong.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And like an action movie, I feel like is a silly thing to go see by yourself. Yeah. And I also love action movies and I should treat myself to, to a, to a solo movie. Yeah, absolutely. You love action movies, and I should treat myself to a solo movie. Yeah, absolutely you should. Go see Rampage.

Oh, I will. Is that the new The Rock one? Johnson movie? Yeah. Did you ever, it's based on the video game? Yeah. Did you ever play that video game? No, I think I only played Mortal Kombat a couple times.

Rampage was one of my favorites because you've got a lot of time for a quarter yeah that that is true it was like an old video game you could make two or three levels before like even as just a not great player you just climbing up buildings and punching windows there was a and then when you die at the end you turn into a little guy who's naked and you cover up your genitals no dance belts and then you like walk shuffle off the screen bashfully

that's insane I hope that happens to The Rock then I'm definitely going to that movie alone I was on a bus and I heard a guy explaining to I assume his girlfriend but maybe they were just on the bus together uh the rampage video game and i've never seen somebody less interested in something that's

being described to them like ever like i think if her eyes could have rolled right up out of her head and just rolled out the door of the bus. She's just like, uh-huh, oh yeah, uh-huh. Yeah, yeah,

there's three characters. He was really breaking it down. It could be a monkey guy, an ape, or a lizard, or... Like a wolf guy. Oh yeah,

maybe a wolf guy. Anyways, that could be a movie you could go see by yourself. Yeah, that sounds... Feel like it's not scary? No. The other thing is, I went to this movie you could go see by yourself. Yeah. Feel like it's not scary? No.

The other thing is I went to this movie at 9.15 at night. I'm always tired. And I was like, oh, I'm going to fall asleep by myself in this movie. Like I even got a Coke to drink because I was like, I do not want to fall asleep. Yeah. Like it was very vulnerable. At least you drank it out of a collectible cup. Yeah, I got the John McEnroe.

Well, they had all the characters from the movie. Vetus Carolitis. Gerolitis? You know, Jimmy Connors. What was John McEnroe? Didn't he have like a... Super brat. Yeah, didn't he have a catchphrase?

Like... Yeah, you gotta be kidding me. That's it. What the hell are you Like, yeah, you gotta be kidding me. That's it. What the hell are you doing? Yeah, you gotta be kidding me. Because he had a talk show or something, didn't he? Oh, he did. Oh, no.

Did he? He did eventually. Was it called You Gotta Be Kidding Me? It might have been. Yeah, but I remember the promo where it's like, the man who won't take direction. I don't know. But wasn't it on like, You've got to be kidding me. Wasn't it on.

It wasn't on. It was on like CNBC or something. Yeah. After the Donny Deutch show. Deutch. McEnroe. Power hour. But yeah.

Oh and also like. I've never taken Margot to a movie. Because. You should have brought her along to this one. Yeah, I should have. Hey, wake up, wake up. Get in the car. Keep your pajamas on. It's fine.

Yeah, yeah. We're going to see Bjorn, Bjorn, Bjorn, the Bjorn identity. We're going to see Borg versus Mac. No, it's fine. It actually takes place before I was born. There's nothing really... There's no good kids movies that are coming out this year.

No? What about The Incredibles? Two. Yeah, but she hasn't seen the first one. Yeah, that's true. You do need to seen the first one. Yeah, that's true. You do need to see the first one. Yeah. Frank and Ralph 2 is coming out. Yeah, that's exciting.

You know what? I was looking it up, and I was looking at movies, and what came out last week was Sergeant Stubby, an American hero. Oh, is that about a dog, maybe? Yes, it is. It's like a Boston Terrier. There's one famous picture of it wearing medals right

from World War I don't know the Boer War World War come on call it the Boer War World War

I don't know I don't know the Crimean but they made a movie out of that but they didn't bother releasing it

like it came out but they didn't bother releasing it. Like it came out, but they didn't put it in any theaters. Yeah. I think I was at the theater. I saw like a thing about it, but it, yeah, it wasn't there.

It wasn't playing. Oh yeah. The producers like, what did we forget to do? Oh shit. Like we set a release date, right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. April 13th. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Did weth. Yeah, yeah, okay. Did we make reels of the film? No.

Shit. One first. Stubby the Dog. What is it called? Sergeant Stubby, an American hero. Stubby. But he is a hero, so. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wow. Wow. Yeah, I guess maybe we're in a bit of a dry zone between monster franchise films. I mean, really, we've got to wait until Trolls 2. Yeah. No, that's the... The big one? Yeah.

And that's going to be coming out eventually, right? Yeah, maybe next year. Yeah. Space them out. Anyway, what's up with you? Space them out. Anyway, what's up with you? I, this weekend was the Hindu holiday of Vaisakhi or Vaisakhi, depending on the region you're from.

And what region are you from? Vancouver. So it was Vaisakhi or Vaisakhi, according to the signs. And it's a big street festival and parade. And although it felt like the street festival didn't know that the parade was going on and vice versa, because the parade was just kind of like going through the street festival. So that was it seemed to be like it's the slowest parade I've ever seen what region of the city was this in? this is

southern Fraser and Main Street they block off this huge chunk of neighborhood does it go down Marine as well? it goes

along 49th so it starts on Main Street and it goes along 49th and then Fraser anyone not from Vancouver open up Google Maps and follow along

yeah yeah yeah. This is fun. Interactive. And basically, Celebration is everybody's wearing their most colorful clothes. Did you just happen upon this? I happened upon it.

Did you wake up that day thinking, I'm going to this? Well, I knew that it was happening because the day before, people were setting up a stage. They were setting up tents. And so I was like, something is in the air. Yeah, something's brewing.

So I will be back here tomorrow to check out the festivities. And I thought, you know what? I thought it was going to be some boring thing where it was like a tent presented by Colgate and like another tent that's like crest. And then arm and hammer. So then you have to test each toothpaste and choose which one you like. Like a Pepsi Cola. Yeah. Just, it was going to be something like the Indian festival of paste. But what it was,

was every booth was giving out free food. What? Yeah. So you just go and stand in these incredibly long lines and watch a parade and then you slowly move up the line and then they just give you free food. And then you go to the next, uh, tent and then there's more free food and it's all the most delicious. And I ate like a fucking pig like i ate so much food i ate till it was painful and then kept eating because you love pain oh i love it and also there was some uh stations that they would just have people out in the crowd so you didn't have to line up so like in between lineups i was

getting extra food oh man and i i ate a one of everything oh yeah is indian food as a vegetarian is indian food the best like ethnicity for vegetarians yeah i would say that maybe so yeah i would say like in terms of like everything I would say, like, in terms of, like, everything was vegetarian. I don't think there was any meat products in any of the, I mean, how would I know? I just ate everything blindly. No questions asked. Yeah. It was free.

Who am I? What, are we going to grill these people? Yeah. Well, they were grilling. Some lentils. Grilled lentils. The problem is they fall through the grill yeah um but it was uh it was so it was great it was so great great but if there's like no limit on how much food you can have because you're anonymous in this crowd nobody nobody knows how much food i just had yeah so i can just have more food yeah and uh you know at a restaurant or

whatever like the waiter knows how much you ate and it's like silently judging you if you get more right well i guess maybe i don't know you can eat you mean yeah yeah like the waiter definitely knows if they're bringing you food yeah yeah yeah but yeah that's what i mean is is something about being in a like a festival in a crowd where you can just eat anonymously and then you just eat more than you ever would you know what i mean i guess yeah no you don't this doesn't have any like at a fair i'm like free anonymous food comes along so rarely it's true that is true like and i was a fair is gonna they're gonna charge i'm gonna charge you for the little donut yeah yeah they charge for everything in those fairs like eight thousand dollars to throw a dart at a balloon. I know. You've got to renegotiate.

Yeah, like, okay. Yeah, I remember winning a big thing at a fair once. What did you win, a big bear? I won a giant Tweety bird. Nice. From throwing a dart at a balloon. Cool. And they announced it.

Like, they wanted it to be like, she got it. So you can, you know, like it happens sometimes. I wonder if that's a thing where they like set it up so like a small person wins a big prize and like everyone looks at them. Yeah. Oh, well, then I could win. If she did it. It felt like a scam. Right.

For sure, yeah. Do you still have the Tweety Bird? Absolutely not. Oh, why not? It smelled weird and I grew up yeah it was probably filled with not the best filling yeah it felt like packing peanuts underneath it just old newspapers balled up crunchy newspapers yeah like an i-20 um and there was one point during this uh this parade there was a stage set up that like was

mostly music but then uh there was a guy went up and was making a very long speech was the mayor there uh no but they read a letter from uh the premier okay and and that was that was the most political that i saw maybe the the mayor was there. Usually you'll see some white politicians wearing some kind of silk robe. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I didn't see any of that, but maybe that was over on the other street. I don't know. I'm not sure. But as soon as this guy started doing his boring speech, the best float came by,

and it had, like, crazy loud music. And so this guy just got the worst slot of the day. Where he's like, okay, I got to go up there. This is, you know, not what people like. But I've planned this speech out very carefully. It's got some good jokes in it. It was like going to be a really unpopular speech. Like about punishing you all.

The food is poisoned. But only if you ate too much. Anonymous eating is a sin. But yeah, just as the guy started, it was just like, and then Bisaki! But yeah, there's no other fair or street festival that you go to and there's just free food.

Well, isn't there like at temples? Yeah. Are they Sikh temples? Yeah. Yeah. It's, are they Sikh temples or? Sikh temples. Yeah. They'll have like a free, you know. Free meal that you go. Free Indian brunch.

Yeah. What? That it's, I think, I don't know if it's every day, but they, that's like part of the, part of the religion is that they offer this free food to anybody who wants to show up. And it's amazing food. Even if they're homeless people or trendy hipsters. Yeah, it is a real intermingling of the two. Oh, it's the best. You line up and there's needy people and then there's us.

It's just like the most delicious. They have these like little I guess they're like Indian pancakes I don't know the word for it but yum

it's good one thing about myself I had way too much Indian brunch today it was free though but I just thought like it was there's

it blew my mind that it was that much free food and that there were just people walking around with like jugs of tea that you could just. Jugs of curry. And, uh, yeah. Like whoever, whoever would have thought. I don't know what to tell you. Yeah, man. It was, and everybody, like, looked so good, and there was a Sikh biker gang, and so they all had, like, matching vests and cool, cool tricked-out hogs. Weird. Yeah.

But, like, they're not, like, a biker gang. Biker gang. Yeah, they're not, like, a bunch of toughs. Like, they all let kids pose on their motorcycles. I really wanted to pose on one of the motorcycles. On their motorcycles. Turbans? Yeah. Not helmets. Because there's some law. There's an extension. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. Because it's a religious headwear thing that they don't have to wear helmets. That makes sense. Yeah, I mean

they were driving very fast, i felt i felt fine i felt like nobody's gonna get hurt in this scenario except me from eating so much oh i hurt my stomach so bad ram you need to watch it you're one meal away from retirement yeah my doctor said, no more crazy street fairs until that's going to be your last. Yeah. And you know what? I'm going to the challenge. Yeah, you're going to be pushing up daisies, Graham. He said, you've got a very colorful doctor.

You're going to be taking a dirt nap. Yeah. Dr. Otis. Well, should we move on to Overheard? Yeah, let's do it all right hello are you looking for a new comedy podcast in which case can i draw your attention to the beef and dairy network podcast it's a fictional industry podcast for the beef and dairy industries it won best comedy at the 2017 british podcast awards and it features wonderful guests such as

greg davis to my knowledge it's the only cow circus that's ever existed in this country 2017 British Podcast Awards, and it features wonderful guests such as Greg Davis. To my knowledge, it's the only cow circus that's ever existed in this country. In rural Russia, every small town has a cow circus. Josie Long. You should have a beef.

Have a beef with them. I have a beef with you. I will have a beef with you. Come round my house and I'll have a beef with you. And Andy Daly. That virus never existed. There was never any such thing

as a mad cow disease. That was all an illusion that Big Lamb came up with. That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast. Find us at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts from. And I would recommend starting at episode one.

Bye. Overheard. Overheard! Overheard! A segment in which Dave's doing something weird with his body. He's in a musical right now. I'm pretending I have suspenders. Oh, okay. For what musical? Oklahoma, I guess.

Yeah, that's correct. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things in the world. We talk about them here on the podcast. Always like to start with the guest. Kelly, would you please lead the charge? Sure, yeah. I was at work, and I don't know anything out of, like, about two words that I overheard,

but I really enjoyed them together. And I heard a woman go, yeah, chip salad. Yeah. Which. Yeah. Like just mixing together a bunch of chips to create a salad it was where my mind went i was like okay like plain lays would be the you know lettuce situation some cheesies could be you know other bits like i my mind what sticks would look uh what's a good what's a I mean, you want some color. You need some color. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So you got a Doritos. Yeah. Doritos. Doritos, maybe just like a. Like a sun chip. Oh, yes. There we go. Now we're cooking.

Yeah. Cooking on the chip salad. What about, are we basically making like one of those bag mixes? Of munchies? Yeah. Oh, maybe that's what they were talking about it's a good chip salad yeah

like what is that what is it it's nuts and bolts when it's nuts and things but what is it Chex mix is that what you're thinking

yeah maybe or munchies munchies yeah crunch and munch what was crunch and munch didn't that also have candy in it or something

that was like a popcorn crunch and munch is like fiddle fad keep going which one was milly millow Crunch and Munch. Didn't that also have candy in it or something? That was like a popcorn-y one. Crunch and Munch is like Fiddle Faddle. Keep going. Which one was Milly Mellow? Crunch and Munch is love at first bite. I know that.

Crunch and Munch is love at first bite. You're going to love it with all your might. You better keep my Crunch and Munch in sight. Keep going. Crunch and Munch. It's a participating restaurant. Participating restaurant.

Why go to any restaurant and ask, are you in this crunch and munch thing? Yeah. And they'll be like, no. No, I mean, we are, but we're not participating. I mean, you know, we're in this crunch and munch thing. It's crunch andging Munch's world. We just live there.

My overheard this week. See, I make my own segues before I'm even ready to remember what my overheard is. So a couple weeks ago, went to a hockey game. Went to two, actually. And at one of them, there were these guys that were, they were, they had had a few drinks. Couple of good old boys. And they

there was like three or four of them and they were just non-stop talking. Yeah. Everything that happened, they had something to say. Commentators. And it's fine. That happens. Sometimes people, that's why you go to the arena. There's people like that.

There's all kinds of people. Would you ever go by yourself to a hockey game? Have? Done. Have done. Yeah. And is that fine? Yeah.

Yeah. Sometimes it's like, because sitting with someone for three hours, it's like, you know, you can talk about hockey. You can talk about your lives. You can talk about whatever. It's like being on a stakeout, but you're not like,

you're not the con unless it's a big game. You're probably not going like, you know, living and dying with every movement of the puck. Yeah. So it's like, yeah, maybe it's just sit here, maybe I just want...

Just sit here and space out for a bit. I definitely have had, like, an extra ticket to a game and I've been like, eh, I don't know. Sort of, I asked one guy, he couldn't make it.

I don't want this to be a chore. Yeah, you don't want to make the rounds. Anyway, so this one, these loud guys were talking and there was, I guess there was one guy in the group who was the loudest You don't want to make the rounds. Anyway, so this one, these loud guys were talking. And I guess there was one guy in the group who was the loudest. And one guy who was like kind of not as loud. And so the not so loud one was like kind of giving the loud one. Telling him like, all right, maybe this is enough.

Maybe settle down a bit. And the loud guy says, i'm a sweetheart and the other guy says i know but you're scaring people yeah the whole uh i was just picturing so like a cameraman roaming around looking for people sitting by themselves called the loner cam. Yeah. A kiss cam person. This guy came alone.

This guy came alone. And they're just politely waving. Hi, everybody. Kissing their hand. Give this guy a mirror to practice kissing with. Well, that would be good. Like a big heart on the Jumbotron and just half of it's filled. A person completely comfortable on their own.

I'm fine with that. Yeah, I'm fine by myself, everybody. I'm just enjoying the game. I mean, when I get up, I have to bring my coat with me because there's no one to watch it for me. But I don't have to buy a second beer for whoever I'm with. So it's pretty good.

My overheard involves a couple of very inebriated fellows. That sounds like you're a little bit inebriated. I'm getting a little loose. And the one guy was saying to the other guy

like he was going to say like an old rhyme. He started out by saying you know what they say about drinking? Trouble, trouble. And then that was it.

Trouble, trouble. See you later. Like chip salad. Have you ever had a walking taco? A what? It's like a taco salad. You get one of those bags of like a small like Halloween Doritos bag. You crunch up the Doritos and then you put in like lettuce and tomato and cheese in there and you fork it out.

Oh, that sounds great. Yeah, that sounds amazing. You've had one? I've done it. Why don't they call them Wacos? I guess they do. I guess they could. It's fine. Good night. That's me. Well,

I know when I've hit the high point. Why don't they call them Wacos? She made a good point before she left. Well, bye. Bye. That seems like something you could get at a fair. A Waco. A Wacantaco.

A Waco. Yeah, it is good. It is. You know what? I didn't really think about it. Have you ever seen, there's like a show on the Food Network that there's a guy that just goes and eats carnival food? Sure. I haven't seen it, but I am not surprised. Yeah, but it's like there's not a lot new under the sun carnival food.

Every year there's something. Yeah, there's a trendy new, like the Rotato was like big. Like a candied beef or something like that. You made a weird dipping. Yeah, like it's beef on a stick, but then it's plunged in a candy coating. Candy coating. Candy coating, or it's like rolled in jimmies. Yeah.

No, yeah, but like there's not 13 episodes of new things a year. So it's, you know, like a guy

he's eating, you know, a corn dog or potato tornado and then, but it's not or a funnel cake. Yeah, there's not

new sometimes there's berries yeah they add a new topping do I staple that yawn well enough

yeah sometimes there's you could trick yourself into thinking you're eating a balanced breakfast what's the most in hand it's just chip salad what's the most healthy thing you could trick yourself into thinking you're eating a balanced breakfast. What's the most.

And it's just chip salad. What's the most healthy thing you could eat at a fair? Corn on a cob. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Cause that's just. Yeah.

Or like. A water in a bottle. Yeah. I was going to say a candied apple, but that's, that's also canned. Yeah. That's a thick layer of candy. Yeah. But that's also candy. That's a thick layer of candy. Yeah, I remember very vividly, like, just going around a candied apple, eating all the candy, and then ditching that apple in the trash. Yeah, we, Margo won't even eat cake.

She'll just lick the frosted off of, like, a birthday cake. I did that for a while. Yeah. Wow. Same with, like, a sugar cookie with a little, you know. Icing on it. Icing on it. She's like, just.

Yeah. This is it. And I just want, I want that cookie. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But you know, it's, it's really gross after a kid's licked it for 25 minutes. But it's still like, has its shape. It's just got a surface where it's been weather-worn. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.

This first one comes from Ashley H. in St. Louis, Missouri. Hi. At a casual restaurant, I overheard a server explaining creme brulee to her customers, saying it's basically a lump of cheesecake with a burnt top. Which is, I guess it is. It's more like a pudding. It's more like a custard, yeah. I would say it's a custard.

But maybe the way they do it at this restaurant. They just take a... They're like, literally, it's a custard. But maybe the way they do it at this restaurant. They're like, literally, it's a cheesecake with a burnt top. Do you like cheesecake? No. Do you?

Yeah. But it's not my favorite. What's your favorite? Pie. What kind of pie? That is a fair answer, but like, I don't know what I was thinking. It's true. I love pie.

Like, my favorite is, like, anything with rhubarb in it. It's like a raspberry rhubarb, but, like, a tart pie. Damn. Yeah, so good. Yeah. Well, great answer. Yeah. Thank you.

You know that cheesecake is technically a pie explain i don't know i've heard that really i guess like fundamentally but i don't think fundamentally because pie is like crust on bottom crust on top and then a filling but not always oh you know what you're right but you know what i've never had is a cream pie in my entire life i made a key lime i made a key lime the other day pumpkin doesn't have top it's true okay i'm look wrong no no but we're all growing together but like cheesecake it's garbage the only reason that i had cheesecake was because they used to talk about it so much on the golden girls yeah and then I remember going out for dinner with my family and being like, I don't have cheesecake.

But it's not cheesy enough or cakey enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was unusual. It was just unusual. I was like, this is a weird texture. There's too much of it. Like, there's not enough crust.

Yeah. Because it's usually just crumbs. What do you love about pie? Do you love the crust? My favorite part? No, it's the warm fruit. That's my favorite part of pie. Do you like to have it with a little bit of vanilla ice cream or whipped cream? You know what? I'm like just a

solid pie lover. It's my favorite part is just like the warmth and the tart fruits. When I was growing up, my grandma used to make a blackberry huckleberry pie. What is a huckleberry? It's a tiny little red berry.

Sounds really nice. She like at her place in Point Roberts had blackberry bushes and huckleberry bushes. So we'd pick them and then she'd bake them into a pie. Was she Canadian? Yeah. But lived in Point Roberts. Had a place in Point Roberts. Yeah.

Point Roberts for people who don't know, it is this weird part of America that you can get to only through Canada. Yeah. Yep. And it's just because they just drew a line for the border, even though there was this weird little bit of Canada that jutted south. And so this little area, it has, I think, 1,300 people. Yep. And 50 of them are in the Witness Protection Program. 50? Yeah. It's like a huge number. It has, I think, 1,300 people. Yep. And 50 of them are in the witness protection program.

50? Yeah. It's like a huge number. I wonder if any of them live in the properties that my parents have down there. Maybe. Because, like, and I've heard that, and I thought, well, if I was a hitman, I'd just go there and see if some. And just, like, lurk around. Drum up some business. Yeah.

Yeah. Just advertise your services. Yeah. some business. Yeah. Yeah. Just advertise your services. Yeah.

I'm going to this place where someone probably ratted on you, so you guys want? That's crazy interesting. Mm-hmm. Yeah. I'm a crazy interesting guy.

But, tell me what kind of pie you like. That's interesting, too. Yeah. This next one comes from M. Cunningham in Bryan, too. Yeah, yeah. This next one comes from M. Cunningham in Bryan, Texas.

M. Cunningham has been writing a lot of overheards lately. Is that right? I think this is number three. Oh, wow. Well, you know what? They've got it. Is it the initial M or is it E-M, like as in Emily Hema? The initial M.

Oh, that's weird. No, it's usually Marion C. But Mrs. Cunningham, is it Marion? I don't know. It says M. Cunningham. Weird. Yeah. We usually do the other initial.

Why am I talking in this voice? I was at a crowded doctor's office at 8.30 a.m. Peak flu season. Everyone was visibly feeling ill. I mean, that's how you know you're at a doctor's office at 8.30 a.m. Peak flu season. Everyone was visibly feeling ill. I mean, that's how you know you're at a doctor's office. The TV show of Joyce in the office is usually a game show from the 80s, but this time it was a Bizarre Foods with Andrew Zimmern. So I decided to face away from the TV, but I still got this to overhear.

They say the eye is the oyster of the face. this to over here. They say the eye is the oyster of the face. True words have never been said. Andrew Zimmern. Andrew? Andrew Zimmern. How do you spell Zimmern?

Z-I-M-M-E-R-N. Zimmern. Zimmern. Yeah. And I guess you know, of the face, the. Zimmern. Zimmern. Yeah. And I guess, you know, of the face, the eye is the most oyster-y part. Like, that would be something you'd slurp. Yeah, it's slimy, slurpy. Oh, yeah.

If you were, you know, cannibal. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, if you were on a date and you were trying to get your date in the mood. Just need a pile of eyeballs. If your date was also a cannibal? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're on a cannibal date. I mean, if you're two cannibals, chances are sex is like happening no matter what. Like, you don't need to get them in the mood.

This is like. Oh, they're very polite people, these cannibals. No, no, no. Look, well, who are the famous cannibals? Hannibal Lecter. Very polite. Very proper. That's true. Would Lecter, very polite, very proper. That's true.

Would always have, you know, Baba Beans, Chianti. Who are the other ones? Jeffrey Dahmer. Jeffrey Dahmer, not as more of a sex cannibal. Yeah, more of a sex cannibal, that's right. And then, you know, cartoon cannibals, Giant Cauldron, putting explorers in it,

things like that. The main cannibal corpse. Yeah, the fine young cannibals. Oh, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are all the best cannibals. Have we missed any of them? Not that I can think of.

Fine young cannibals. What was it? They had a couple hits on that album. Yeah. And they just never did it. They just never did it again. It's not like they were one-hit wonders. No, no.

That album had some solid hits. I feel like America was like, we're not going to endorse cannibalism anymore. Cannibal, of course, was the last one in under the line. And then they were like, enough. Yeah. No more cannibal stuff. People get really upset around cannibal stuff. Why?

Yeah. Oh, Alive. They were some famous, polite cannibals. That's true. They wanted to do anything but eat each other. Did you see Alive? No. This is a movie from the 1990s about a soccer team or rugby team.

Yeah. Their plane crashed in the Andes, and there were a bunch of people in the witness protection program there. They all lived in Fort Roberts. Some people died, and the rest of them were starving, and they were like, well, check out that. Check out that ass. Yeah, they ate some frozen butt.

Like specifically the butt? Yeah, yeah. They sound like millennials. This last one comes from Tom G. I work for the city of Vancouver. My job takes me to some of the grungier parts of town. Oh, cool. I was doing an inspection in the RV village near Clark Drive, and one of the RVs had some

graffiti on it that said, slut. And under the graffiti was written, don't make assumptions if you don't have all the information, you slut. Where's the RV village? I know there's one like under, at like, or Granville, that bridge that goes to the airport. Under that bridge. I feel like there's one in North Van as well. Are they like official RV villages or are they just like.

I feel like the Clark Drive one. I don't think. This one under the bridge is not a. Yeah. I feel this is where people who are living in vans are collectively parking their van. No permit parking, so. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Also down by the Home Depot. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It's like you can, it's funny because it used to be you would just see one van that you're like, for sure somebody's living in there. But now there will be like a pod of vans. Like they've figured out the power of community. I remember when grandpa was a puppy,

like I took him to the park one morning at like eight and there was a, an RV park there. And I thought, Oh, you're not allowed to park in the city. Like just like as a camper. And these people got out of their RV at 8.01 in the morning

and immediately wanted to play frisbee in this dog park and my and grandpa immediately stole

their frisbee and ran away and thought it was the funnest game and they were mad at me and I was like what life

are you living their best possible life I guess so just step out the door and ride away a frisbee game yeah Like, what life are you living? Oh, that's great. Their best possible life. I guess so. Just step out the door and right away a Frisbee game? Yeah. Time for Frisbee. We just ate cereal and it's Frisbee.

Let's go play with it. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 779-1234. I thought if I could maybe if I didn't think about it and just dove right in, I would know it.

It's 1-844- 779-7631. Or 1. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, fellas. So, this is Liz from New West. I'm calling with an overheard.

Who are you? So, these girls, I guess they're probably women because they're talking about going to a bar in the bathroom. Someone's next to me. One woman says, she goes, the restaurant that she took me to, it was just so fancy. And she was just, like, waiting there. she took me to, it was just so fancy. And she was just like waiting there. And I was like, whoa. And I went into the bathroom and they had one of those things. One of those things.

What's it called? A Bennett. Oh, they had a beignet in the bathroom. And it was just fantastic. It totally sprayed my ass. Anyway, that was my over. A Bennett buggy is what she was trying to remember. A beignet.

A beignet. Sprayed my ass. A couple of powdered donuts from New Orleans. Oh, my God. I wonder if I know her. Probably. You know everyone from New West. I do.

A bidet in a public bathroom. I mean, where did I last see? Oh, yeah. The place we stayed at in Palm Springs had one. But it was not, we couldn't figure it out. Yeah. No, I mean, you know, it's not, we didn't grow up with them.

We have to learn how to. I had one friend in like elementary, middle school, high school, whose parents had a bidet in their personal bathroom. So we'd always like sneak up into their personal bathroom and she'd be like, this is a bidet and like show us. And I'm like, it just looks like a weird like sprinkler. Never used it, but it was like, Emma's parents has a bidet. Yeah, I had a friend whose parents had a bidet too and they were

British. So, you know, we were like, fine. Yeah, that's what they do over there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just eat a better diet, I guess. Like, save yourself money on this crazy fountain. Weird ass spraying machineaying machine.

Or I guess now you could get one of those Japanese toilets. You wouldn't need a separate unit. That would be so nice. Oh my god. Well, Christmas is coming. Here's your next overheard. Hello Dave and Graham and cool guests.

My name is Claire. I'm in Vancouver. And I have an overheard from my work, which is musical theater school. I'm in Vancouver, and I have an overheard from my work, which is a musical theater school. I overheard some teens mid-conversation, and one of them said, The biggest problem with Shrek the musical is that it's really good. And also the scary-ass Shrek. Okay, were these curated for me? That is weird.

They were not curated because I did not know you were from New Westminster, and I did not know this musical theater thing about you. Are you no... Shrek the Musical? Yeah. Yeah. Have you been in Shrek the Musical? No.

No, but I've seen it. I've seen it, yeah. Actually, I don't go to movies alone, but I go to theater a lot alone, and I saw Shrek the Musical alone. My friend was in it. Who was your friend? Donkey? Fiona.

Donkey. Who's your friend? Farquhar? With Shrek. Is that my friend? Who's your friend? Gingerbread Man. Yeah, Gingy.

That's very big. The wolf. Who's your friend? You know, Puss in Boots. Is Puss in Boots in the musical? I don't think he is, no. But it's ridiculous. And the real problem with that show is the Shrek always in the chair

wearing green makeup. Yeah. Does Fiona have to turn into Green Shrek? Yeah. Green Fiat? Green? No. She Shrek. She Shrek yeah green Fiat green no she Shrek

she Shrek she sells but she Shrek she Shrek they don't have to make her grotesque yeah

I mean they have to make her like green so like what they I think what they do is they like put like a latex-y thing on and then like

quickly powder her some green and then she goes up for like a minute and she's like oh no don't look at me. And then at the end, she's green Shrek again. And what is the show-stopping song from the Shrek musical?

Freak Flag. Just sing a little bit of it. I don't know it very well. But it's like, let your freak flag fly. Let your freak flag fly. Na na na na na na na na na. break, flag, fly, let your free, fly, fly, fly,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da,

da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, the gingerbread man. Was the scene about the scene there? You would have been a great ginger. Yeah, yeah. It's a cute part because it's just a puppet. So you like, you just stand next to a little gingerbread puppet. Well, it sounds like

a lot of fun. Yeah. If you crashed with your own puppet. Oh, yeah. Shut it down that. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham

and possible guests. This is Hannah in Idaho calling in with an overheard. I was just at the craft store buying some knitting needles, and there was a class of, I think, seven and eight-year-olds sewing next to the checkout line, and I heard one of the girls going, I know I'm, like, really annoying, but 30 people i know say i'm gonna be the president

someday and i'll make like silly laws like candy before dinner but you know whatever and then they all started screaming um domo arigato mr roboto for about five minutes well off, off I go. Yeah, that's kids. Yeah, yeah. 30 people I know. 30 people agree. Basically my entire class. Yeah, that I'm going to be president one day. What, candy before dinner? That would be a terrible law

because then everybody would... Tell me. Eggs? Like you have to have candy? Yeah, it's like, oh, for crying out. You you know what i'm a salty before sweet kind of person i love like a salty treat and then like a little bit of sweet after chip salad and a pie and then a pie like kelly edmondson special yeah the uh but yeah if you had to, I don't know. Everybody would want dinner instead of dessert.

Oh, boy. It would be a topsy-turvy world. Well, you know what? Why not give it a chance? Yeah, okay. Why don't we do like, you know, just do, you know, 30 days of everyone's law. One of those social media experiments. Yeah. Go on. No no i got it out it took me a while but i got it yeah you got it um yeah everybody it would be like the purge but not with murders just with like legislation yeah like 30 days of the purge is so

ridiculous what do you mean the purge is cool i love the do you mean? The Purge is cool. I love the movies. I think they're insane. I think they're truly the craziest things. Does anyone do? Ethan Hawke was in the first one. And then have they had a famous person in any of the others? No, they didn't need it.

The new one has a famous person in it. Oh, who? I don't know. Okay, is it someone from the OC? It's Lo Bosworth. I remembered her last name. Lo Bosworth. Bosworth.

Good name. Are we Googling this? I do because I know the Purge. The first Purge, is that what it's called? Graham, let's just wrap up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The thing I always say about the Purge is in one of the opening scenes, Ethan Hawke opens up the fridge and he's got multiple bottles of ketchup

in his fridge door. And I was like, come on. Maybe he has a podcast where people keep sending him ketchup. But it really ruins the reality of The Purge. Or maybe he was just on MTV Cribs and he was showing off all his different like this is my ketchup fridge

yeah did you find out who it was yeah it's Marissa Tomei oh yeah she's playing the woman who I think is like we need the purge

because it's the first purge she invented the purge yeah she's like this is what we need you guys she's the

Marie Curie of the purge. Yeah. She's like, this is what we need to erase. She's the Marie Curie of the purge. Couldn't think of a female inventor. Sorry. Well. I mean, my guess is that she also dies in it. Yeah. Probably not of radiation poisoning. No.

You don't know. Anything's legal on the purge. Including radiation. Yeah. You don't know. Anything's illegal on the bird. Including radiation. Yeah. Too much. Now this does bring us

to the end of the show. Kelly. Yes. Where can people find you? If they want to find if they want to find out more where do they go? I'm on Twitter.

Yeah. I'm at Kelly Augmentson. That's Kelly with an I. It's Kelly with an I. Yeah. And Augmentson with an O. G-M-U-I-D-S-O-N. There you go.

And yeah, that's pretty much where I keep my business. Yeah. Yeah. And you're every Tuesday. Every Tuesday. Little Mountain. Yeah. In Vancouver.

In Vancouver, yeah. And thanks so much for being our guest. Thank you for having me. Congratulations on crashing that audition. Hey. I still can't believe you did. I always like a good crashing story. Yeah. Yeah, for having me. Congratulations on crashing that audition. I still can't believe you did. I always like a good crashing story.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Me too. I've cast every single person who has ever crashed, so next time I'm holding auditions, be sure to crash. If your agent sets you

up with an audition for me, don't go. Reject it, but then Reject it and then show up. Yeah. And do we have,

we don't have anything to Oh, I just want everyone to celebrate, you know, Vaisakhi.

Vaisakhi, get out there, eat as much food as your body can handle, and then some more. Push your

personal limit. Yeah, I guess so. And I want everyone to be excellent to each other, and just

remember Santa Claus is watching you. It's easy to behave in November, December, but just remember Santa Claus is watching all year round. Yeah. Does he know when I'm touching myself? Does Santa care about that? I don't know. Does Santa care about that? Yeah.

Or is he all about self-love? Yeah. Because he's sex positive. It's not. Hmm. Yeah. Because it's sex positive. It's not. Yeah. Because it's not bad. You know what I mean?

It's not bad. Unless you're doing it in a public place. There's nothing in the song about that. Yeah, yeah. It's easy when you're sleeping. You're right, it's not bad. Yeah, it's not bad. But I think by the time you start doing it, you know you're saying it's not real.

It's a cross. Santa's not real. It's a weird, yeah. It's a little hard to answer. Huh? Yeah. I mean, you know,

I guess it's fine. Santa doesn't want to know. He looks the other way. When he sees what's going on. When he sees what's going on, he feels like, this is my system for looking at these kids. It all wrong yeah this is fraught i'm like this is this is not good yeah yeah yeah this is uh um but i guess he only sees you when you're sleeping he knows when you're awake so maybe somebody else is watching you

while you're awake and just reporting yeah him. Yeah, he's like, wait, he's masturbating. Yeah. He's masturbating and pouting. So, naughty. Yeah. Oh, Lord. Well, thank you all so much for listening. If you have any thoughts

about Santa and this whole masturbation issue, you can write us on Twitter at Stop Podcasting. And thanks so much for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.