Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 529 - Kevin Lee

Episode Date: May 7, 2018

Kevin Lee of the Sunday Service returns to talk medical procedures, erotic thrillers, and people who stink.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 529 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. And with me as always is a man whose tweet about Cynthia Nixon's wife is my favorite tweet of the year, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, that was actually a really old Tumblr post of mine and I was like, oh, Cynthia Nixon's back in the news. It was you wearing the same pattern. I have the same, my jacket that I wore to my wedding rehearsal.

Yeah. Like a funky jacket. Yeah. In the same pattern as a shirt that Cynthia Nixon's wife was wearing. Man, I don't know. It hit me in the right spot today. I'll tell you. And it was good.

Good looking jacket. Look, look, I, in terms of who wore it best, you all the way. I can say I've not found occasion to wear it since still in the closet though. Yeah. I wonder, I wonder if it's the same for her. I wonder if that was a one and done these celebrities, right? Oh man. Boy, the way they, you know, flaunt their shirts. wonder if it's the same for her i wonder if that was a one and done these celebrities right oh man boy the way they you know flaunt their shirts

every day they wear them yeah yeah yeah just unlike us uh stars there yeah i don't wear a shirt every day no no no i mean i'm wearing one out of politeness to everybody here but what do you take off when you get home are Are you like a pants off right away, pants off, dance off? Yeah, pants off, dance off. And then, you know what? I go right down to the Skivvies pretty quick. Really? Yeah.

I don't keep a shirt on for any. Like a lot, when I was here yesterday and Margo was eating without a shirt on, I was like, yeah, that's right. This is a lifetime. This is starting right. Don't eat with a shirt on. Put shirt on after dinner right stars um our guest today a returning guest to the podcast one of our all-time faves he's a member of the sunday service mr kevin lee is our guest hello i nearly knocked the beer over. Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. We normally record these in the day. Like for the first, I don't know, seven years of the show. Yeah. It was nighttime. Nighttime was the right time. Was the right time. Always like we would go through 12 beers a show. Yeah.

That's true. And then lately it's been a lot of daytime. Yeah. A lot of coffee. Yeah. And then the last two episodes I was like, oh, these are going to be at night. I should buy six beers to spread over two episodes. Feels about right though.

Like, I feel like after one beer, I'm like. Lit. That's good. Yeah. I am ready to talk about silly things. So hi, Kevin. Hello. Do you want to get to know us?

Sure. Get to know us. Thanks. Yeah. Sure, I guess. I have to. How's things? Things is okay.

Yeah? Yeah, sure. Yeah? Yeah. What's new? What's new um not much i got uh i got panicked when i got asked to come on here i'm like no this is like the most in previous years it was like getting about to get married getting married um i owned a dinosaur egg for a bit yeah you got

back into primus for a while yeah my. My name is Luke. And I, heart surgeries and stuff. And then now it's just like all pretty smooth sailing. I don't know. Sort of. Except I did. If you could have a heart surgery before the next time

you're on, that'd be great. I did have something happen. With your heart? No, not my heart. With my fart. It was a butt thing. That could be the name of your autobiography fart it's a thing you wouldn't understand

oh i feel like a butt thing i don't know but the bathroom at work does play a lot of for some reason i don't know why whose bed is your whose boots have your boots been under whose bed has your boots yeah whose boots have your bed been under yep

um can I say that today there was a thing on the news about Shania Twain going on like a naval ship

and she just sat on a stool while her new album played what she didn't actually perform she just sat on a stool

like as an art installation? Did somebody sit across from her and stare into her eyes? Did Mutt Lang sit down next to her and break it into tears? Can I say, the best thing about being a woman is you don't have to operate

on your son. What's that a reference to? That's a thing I do from time to time. Okay. So your butt thing. Oh, yes. Back to my butt thing. So to get a little graphic, because there's no other way to do it.

Yeah, I noticed a bit of blood in my stool. How would you notice a thing like that? Well, every time I go to the bathroom, I take out a mirror and just get acquainted with the situation before I go.

Why did I ask a question as though I don't want this topic to be over as soon as possible? I'm trying to make it fun, but go ahead. Who's the prettiest hole of all?

Yeah. Fables. So I noticed just wiping, you know, you wipe and you're like, hmm, that is a different shade of brown. And you go, no, that's blood. That's that parochial harem stuff. Yeah. So you wipe, I'm sorry, I just need to write down.

Yeah. Wiping. Okay. I should try that. You wipe it. You give it a sniff. Like, that's not sriracha. And it was disconcerting.

And so I went to Emerge. Emerge? I went to Emerge. I got nervous because it felt like it was a lot to me. And so I was like, hmm, that's not great. So I went to Emerge, you know, got admitted. And the doctor in residence or whatever came to see me. You know, I'm in one of those,

um, curtained off beds. And, uh, the doctor in residence comes to see me, which turns out to be, uh, a young,

extremely beautiful woman. And I was just like, ah, great. So what's going on? My eyes are weird. My abs are like really cut, but they're hidden under this layer of fat.

But like, they're good. Like they're solid. I just wanted a professional opinion on my ass. Like, could you just like feel it? Can you feel my biceps? Could a penis be too long? Is the pretzel shape bad?

Should I dip it in more mustard than I have already? Yeah, so that was extremely embarrassing. Of course, I have to be like, it's the ass. My ass is bleeding. Of course, totally professional. Like a doctor. Like, you know, she's like, okay, you know, ask me some things. And then she leaves.

And I'm like, oh, God, what the hell is this? What did she ask you? You stick anything up there? Yeah. No, I don't remember. A handful of rice? Yeah. What's your couch like?

Real pointy. Yeah. Yeah. Any springs loose on your bed? Do you find yourself doing the dog thing where you scoot your butthole on the ground every once in a while? You might have worms. Worms.

Yeah. Worms. So she left. She came back. And then she's like, I'm going to have to do an exam. And I was like, oh, God. Going to have to take a selfie. She

didn't like she was blowing into the top of a bottle. Kevin's butt. And I'm like, oh! So I had to, you know, disrobe a little bit, and she had to put her finger in there. It was very uncomfortable and

not great. You both. For us both. I felt very bad for her and I felt very bad for myself. And she was humming Shania Twain the whole time. Damn, I feel like a doctor. This is the stuff we have to do all the time.

Lots of, uh, lots of hypochondriacs coming in and getting us to look up their butts and their pee holes. Not gonna lie. It's a lot of butt stuff. Yeah. Oh,

so they sent me to you, huh? Um, so they did that. And then, uh, you know, determined that there wasn't anything worrisome,

but that they, you know, sent me to see a specialist, but then the doctor in charge or whatever, Charles in charge, Dr. Charles in charge, he came along and he was a guy I lived with in residence at UBC, like, and haven't seen in like 15 years. And I was like, oh, the Swede, like his nickname I remembered. Oh, hey, what are you doing?

Oh, my ass is just bleeding. How are you? Catching up. You're a successful doctor. Yeah, yeah, real successful. I get to work with this beautiful lady doctor. I get to look at 10, 12 butts a day. That's how I come home with a dozen eggs every day.

I call it the butt fay. Yeah, so that was embarrassing. Oh, boy. And then I went to see the specialist, who also turned out to be a stunningly gorgeous woman. Wow. Who was my first girlfriend, too. Exactly. She pushed me off a swing set when I was a kid, and I lost my breath.

Anyway. Oh, boy. My butt's been bleeding ever since. It's all good, though? Maybe. Maybe. So they sent me for a flexible sigmoidoscopy, which is a butt scope. Just like a chill-ass butt scope where they don't put you under, but they do put a scope up your butt. Now, I use butt scope for my butt's bad breath.

I use it to get drunk. Butt chug that scope. Oh, boy. So I went and did that. They took my glasses off before I was going in. And then the guy's like, This is going to get weird. And then the guy...

That's what they said. You are not going to want to see this. We can either put some Vaseline on these or just take them off. And then they put on a masquerade mask and they told me the safe word was Fidelio. They took off my glasses, brought me in, and then they pulled a screen

in. They're like, you can watch if you want. And I was like, I was on my side, like naked. I'd be like, I don't have my glasses. I had to go get my glasses. Put them on. You might want to put on these 3D glasses. You can watch if you want. Oh, we also have picture and picture of...

Put this Oculus Rift on and go inside your own asshole. You mean literally? So I watched it. I had to... So before that, to backtrack a bit, this is a long butt story. You've got a long butt.

I had to self-administer two enemas at home, that to backtrack a bit. This is a long butt story. You've got a long butt. I had to self-administer two enemas at home, which is fun and embarrassing kind of, but actually not as bad as I thought it would be. So that's not an interesting part. Man, I feel like an enema. This town needs an enema. I just kept doing that. This butt needs an enema. And

yeah, they did that and they found a few things they found some things in there that the guy was like these are probably benign and one thing that he wasn't so sure about so that's a little disconcerting a micro machine so you were rubbing your butt on the carpet

at a kids house no that's my house lots of micro machines but they went in there I tried doing the whole thing it's very uncomfortable they they shoot a lot of uh co2 inside of you to like spread things out so you're gassy and they're like it's okay to fart like don't worry it's okay to fart it's very hard to when there's a pole in your butt um like a plug and they're just like just go for it it's very

painful it's a nightmare and then uh at one point they keep going up and then because of the animals it's like it's bad beautiful in there spit shined and then at a certain point it's not and then I was like I finally tried to crack a joke after everything and I was like oh it's a real mess in there

I should have cleaned up before you guys got in there and they were like oh no that's just where the boosters form and it's very normal and they just like, oh, no, that's just where the boosts are to form. And it's very normal. And they just like immediately just like scienced it away. And I was like, I needed this, guys. I need you to laugh. I needed something.

Nope. Yeah. And then after that, I went and got drunk. Scope. Yeah, fair. I was like, I'm just going to go have a few beers. Yeah, go get wasted. So there's something they don't know about yet.

How long ago was this? This was two weeks ago. When are they going to know? They say three weeks, but it's that thing of like, if you don't hear anything, no news is good news. So it's that effed up thing where they like, if something's good, like if it's all fine, they don't call you or tell you. So you're like kind of keep waiting to be like, is it? That's weird. Oh, this piece of paper fell between these two filing cabinets.

Oh, that's bad i gotta call this guy um yeah wow um so you're in you're in you're currently in suspense i'm in suspense yeah by the time this episode is out yeah you'll know so we'll you know we'll i will do we'll put it you put some funny photo of like a teletubby And Kevin's fine or something On the tumbler Teletubby with a scope up his ass Which is under their armpit actually The self-administered enemas Were they like

From the drugstore? Yeah from the drugstore When you went to the scope place Like when you go to the dentist They're always like you could floss a little better yeah they're like here's what you did wrong with your enema yeah yeah no no they were like they they were like oh no they were they didn't really say anything they were like that's fine they kept asking me like did you administer an enema and i was like i did too because you told me to and they're like oh yeah yeah yeah okay yeah yeah yeah yeah sure like oh you weren't eating and i'm like you guys didn't tell me not to eat and they're like

oh yeah okay yeah yeah that's fine yeah like well what are the rules here eat don't eat one or two yeah well you were supposed to eat an enema yeah take one of them and then eat the other one orally and they'll meet in the middle yeah like benjamin button um uh never have uh administered an enema so i don't know it's uh i've had some fun with the shower nozzle oh sure i think we've all had fun with a shower nozzle sure get a little carried away yeah uh coming of age um yeah so this is uh yeah every now it feels like every time we talk to you there's some sort of a medical hijinks which is why segue into because uh alicia brought it up as well we're starting alicia tobin and i are starting a podcast called young and sick which will be coming out very soon um and uh stories like that will fill the airwaves um because we both have uh health

concerns and so we're talking about what it's like to be relatively young and relatively sick. So yeah, so look out for that. We'll talk about that stuff. When? We got a teaser episode coming out soon and then we have a full first episode already recorded just Alicia and I and then we're going to have guests

and bits and things. Cool. I also have a new podcast that everyone listens to my new podcast called This Sounds Serious right now. I think two or three episodes

are out already. It's great. You know, as long as we're promoting things. And you know what? I just want everybody to eat a balanced breakfast. You know,

some protein is good, some roughage, and, you know, a little fruit. Make it fun for yourself. What do you have for breakfast? It's fiber. I very rarely

eat breakfast. That's how you keep it balanced do you have for breakfast? It's fiber. I very rarely eat breakfast. That's how you keep it balanced? Just don't put anything on the scales. Exactly. Perfectly balanced. Air. What do you eat for breakfast? I have like a bunch of things.

Yeah? Oh, really? Like seashells. Yeah. Dirt. Well, like I'm starting to do that thing of like when they would show you a bowl of cereal and say part of a complete breakfast.

Oh, yeah. Like I'll have the fruit and oatmeal and yogurt and. Like a two-third full glass of orange juice and a two-third glass full of milk. Yeah, exactly. What do you do breakfast-wise? Lately, doing lots of smoothies. Oh, yeah. The packages of frozen fruit and some protein powder and sometimes some spinach and cottage cheese.

Some seashells, some kites. I feel like. Loonies and toonies. I get two sips into a smoothie and I'm like, enough. Like, do you enjoy? I enjoy it. Yeah. I enjoy it.

I've never not finished a smoothie. Yeah. I definitely have like given up on a smoothie. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's smoothie. Yeah. I don't know. Maybe it's a texture thing. I don't know. Yeah.

What's the texture? Smooth? Yeah. Smooth. Maybe it's too smooth. You need a little. I also don't like cream of wheat and that's pretty smooth. Oh yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Maybe I don't like something that's too smooth. Maybe you just don't blend it up so much or you put some pennies in there. Yeah. Well, there you go. Just use a mortar and pestle instead of a blender.

Yeah. Um, in there yeah well there you go yeah just use a mortar and pestle instead of a blender yeah um so you're hopefully doing hopefully doing all right yeah and yeah oh i'm okay yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you work uh you're working at a video game company that's right and uh you love it that's great yeah yeah you're writing i writing yeah i writing you're very good i writing um are you a big video game guy or were you before you started doing this like medium i'd say medium video game guy like i played a lot as a kid then stopped for a while and then started again um what led to starting back up i took a writing class with a friend of mine jay who's who's the uh engineer guy on on the other podcast and uh and he uh we're taking a writing class with a friend of mine, Jay, who's the engineer guy on the other podcast. And he

was taking a writing class and he's like, oh, there's actually really great stories in video games. And I was like, get bent! And then I took off on my skateboard and then he was like, wait! And he kept running beside the skateboard and then he told me about... Let me tell you the legend of Q-Bert. That's right. Amazing backstory, dude.

Have they ever made a Popeye video game? Probably. That'd be cool. When I was a kid, I loved Popeye so much that I used to ride around the neighborhood on a tricycle with a big bowl of spinach. And I'd just eat the spinach. Really? Yeah. My mom was just like, yeah, that's great.

Keep doing that. Yeah, why not? Roughage. Donkey Kong with Mario. That was invented because they couldn't get the rights to popeye it was supposed to be a popeye game and they couldn't yeah they couldn't get the rights to it so they were they just created a little italian guy weird it's weird donkey kong uh they just made that donkey kong movie which one terry gilliam made it man of la La Mancha? The Donkey Kong?

Right? Did I get that right? You're close. Yeah? Yeah. Donkey Kong-o, hey. But like, do video games have good stories in them? Some do.

Okay. Some very much don't, which is why I tell people, it's like, I'm ready for video games. They're like, oh, programming? I'm like, no, stories. They're like, they have those? And I'm just no, stories. They're like, they have those? And I'm just like, yeah. And they're like, yeah, yeah. And they just walk away. And I'm like, I think it's pretty cool.

You can fast forward through the cut scenes, though, right? Oh, yeah, just button mash through that. That's the funniest thing is like write a bunch of stuff, and then people are like, they rate all the gameplay stuff, and then they're like, eh, they really page into the story stuff. Just button mash through that. And I'm like, there's all my work. Great.

Yeah. But yeah, some button mash through that. And I'm like, there's all my work. Great. Um, yeah. Um, but yeah, some games have really great stories. Like, um, there's a game called last of us that has a really great story. Um,

zombies. Yes, it is. Sort of. Uh, they're all zombies. They're pretty much all the zombie ones. Um,

there's, uh, my dad, the zombie, there's donkey zombie, uh, zombie com, zombie com, super Mario, zombie zombies, Yeah, the zombie. There's Donkey Zombie. Zombie Com. Super Mario Zombie Zombies.

Yeah, I don't know. John Madden is a zombie. I think I stopped playing video games before they decided to put stories in them. It was just like, you accept that you're in this room, and there's no reason or whatever, and then you just gotta figure your way through the tunnels and shoot the things. What was that one... It was a Sega Genesis game. It was super

cool. Earthworm Jim. Was that it? No, but I remember as I was starting to tell it, I was like, I can't describe this game. As I was starting to tell it, I was like, I can't describe this game. Do you remember, was it like a fantasy game? No, you're a guy, you had a gun, you woke up, you started with you waking up. Oh, yeah.

And there was something on a note, maybe, and then you rolled around in a tree. Okay. Rolled around in a tree for a while. Yeah. And there was this dolphin named Echo. Don't remember it. Okay. Rolled around in a tree for a while. Yeah. And there was this dolphin named Echo. Yeah. Don't remember it. Okay.

Yeah. But yeah, they're good now, right? Like, it seems like from the clips I see that video games look amazing now. Oh, they look insane. And there's really great video games, ones with really great story, ones with really great gameplay. Our listeners are pulling their hair out. Yes, we know yes games are good yeah um but i just i guess there's so much good tv there's just so much good tv

peak tv right now yeah are we peak tv and and not peak movies have we like gone have movies have just gone into the i guess yeah. Yeah. Like TV's real good. Yeah. Are movies real good? But is it a thing where it's like TV wasn't so real good or was like kind of real good for a while. And so there's a lot of room to grow or is like movies really got real good with like meatballs too. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Right around the meatballs there. Porkies. Yeah. Really found its stride movies. Yeah. Just peeper movies. Movies about, movies you'd rent with your friends in grade seven and be like, it's called Hard Bodies.

It's called Crash, Sex and Car Crash. I'm sure I've told this on the podcast before. Please tell it again. It was that thing of like, you know, you're renting all those like movies where it's like, oh, there's boobs in this. You can't wait. And then my friends were like, we're at video stop looking at videos and then they're they're like oh like i was like you know ski school or ski patrol or somewhere it's like clearly yeah like the crappy sex bar academy the mountains are boobs in the art yeah and then but they're like god no check this out crash

says sex and car crashes and stuff and i was like I don't know it seems dark they rented it and then like within minutes it's like oh no he's having sex with her leg wound oh no please don't get a motor from this why did we all start masturbating before we pressed play

yeah it was that's the stupidest thing ever no kevin don't pause it on this scene we don't want to watch it we don't want to yeah this is good just like forms a one person sexuality from there on out oh yeah but that was yeah like i mean i always say I always say that I knew every foreign language film that came out between, like, 1994 and, like, 1997. They were all on showcase. They were all on showcase. And I'd watch them all, even, just like if it warned at the front that there'd be nudity, I'd be like, okay, I'm in for the long haul. I am ready for some arts.

What did I see? It was some Spanish movie. And the guy. It's like a guy wakes up and there's a note. And he's rolling around in a tree for a while with his dick hanging out. They made it into a video game. And he's kissing this woman's boobs. And he's like.

Turns out it's a baby. Just like breastfeeding. The subtitles say that they taste like omelets. What? And I was like. They better not. One day I'm gonna find out about this

and I'm gonna be like I don't need that. That's just the guy doing the translation having a little fun. Mmm they taste like omelets. Then he goes to

another pair of boobs and he's like oh this tastes like a two thirds glass full of orange juice and a two thirds glass full of milk. Fire the complete boob fest.

Oh, man, you guys should have rented boob fest. Oh, boy. Yeah, I did. I also watched a lot of those kind of like disposable 80s comedies. There were a lot of skiing ones. Summer school. Yeah, there was. I feel like there was a couple of camp ones. There were a lot of skiing ones summer school yeah there was I feel like there was a couple camp ones

there were a lot of horror movies that promised boobs boobs oh yeah and delivered and uh

I feel like that was it I feel like that was like the grand catalog of of of VHS of VHS and like

the erotic thriller those are the ones I wouldn't rent but the ones that were always like the cover was always like Venetian blinds and then like a woman like changing and then there's like some like guy with a knife on the other side you're just like you know like erotic erotic transmission i don't know the guy's holding a radio yeah it's eric roberts no yeah i remember

watching there was a movie uh maybe it was called Sliver? Yeah. Yeah, Sharon Stone movie. Yeah, that was her follow-up to Basic Instinct. Oh, okay. And then she was in one that she shot in Vancouver, and all my friends were like, whoa, and me. I was like, whoa, and you were just like, whoa, whoa, whoa. I was like, trying to keep it down. Like, oh, she's shooting a movie in Vancouver.

Whoa, she's going to be in Vancouver whoa she's gonna be flashing that thing all over town that movie's actually legit I like watched it what Basic Instinct? yeah like for the first time

ever watched it like I don't know a while ago and I was like actually pretty surprised like it's totally sleazy and like trashy and stuff but it's actually like

really entertaining I don't know anyway is it who's the Paul Verhoeven, uh, who's the. Paul Verhoeven, I think. No, who's the male. Michael Douglas.

Michael Douglas. Wayne Knight. He, I feel like he was king of the, the horny erotic thrill. Yeah, he really was. Metal Attraction. Was that him? Metal Attraction. And then he was also, oh boy, was there, there was another one.

Oh man, I'm forgetting. Was he in Disclosure? Yeah, Disclosure. Was he in Disclosure? Yeah, Disclosure. Was he in Indecent Proposal? No. Robert Redford. Redford and Woody Harrelson. Woody Harrelson.

And Demi Moore. That's who I was going to say. From Disclosure. Yeah. Disclosure's own Demi Moore. Disclosure, yeah. I feel like this is a topic on the show, oh, every 10 episodes. What, the movie Disclosure?

Well, this genre of like, where was the Madonna one with Willem Dafoe? Body of Evidence. I just remember that because there's a whole scene where they're pouring candle wax on each other. And being like, that can't be a thing that most people are into. Because at Thanksgiving you would stick your finger in the just blown out candle and like make a little candle on your finger. Wax hat on your finger. You never did that? No. Yeah. Oh, come on.

Get into wax play. The innocent way. Yeah. It wasn't horny. No, it wasn't horny, but I was like I can't imagine having this poured all over me. Yeah. But you know what? Look, we don't get into our love lives a lot. But I will admit, I've never done that.

But I bet it's not hot for long. No. It's not like pouring soup on someone. I love soup. Piping hot soup. You keep it on the stove. Just a hot plate at the end of the bed it just starts on like

a close up and it's like all the white droplets and you pull out and they're just doing some like clam chowder on them yeah

just lately I mean basically this is we're doing gags out of like hot shots right now scraping their body with crostini

yeah ow garlic the other way is to do like a cold stone creamery on your belly oh yeah now that's all i want is cold creamery i've never had it really have you yeah they have one over on broadway but they it's that seems like it was an ice cream fad that went away

yeah i mean it seemed like by the time it got here it had already people were over it like when i went in i was the only person in there and what's the good what's the thing about it is it like if you went to a burger place and they just like juggled everything before they put it together no you like pick the ice cream and then you pick the like candy and then they kind of mix it together on this slab some kind of cold stone yeah right Yeah. Right. And so it's like the subway of ice cream. Right. I went to a restaurant, oh boy, more than 10 years ago now, on Granville Island maybe, and it was the hot stone, hot slab, hot something.

Yeah. And your food is served to you on a hot, like your food is served to you raw, and you like cut off a bit of your steak and like put like. Oh yeah. Kind of roll it around on this hot stone. And like just sear it? Yeah. Huh.

Yeah. I mean that to me, like that would be fun to go once. Yeah, it was fun. Like you wouldn't be like a regular, like, you know what I like. But it was also that. My lunchtime spot. That thing of like, you know, it's sort of that nails on a chalkboard thing of like a steak knife on a stone. Yeah.

It was not, it was like, yeah, it gave me the oozes. Oh, well, you should see my gastroenterologist for that. The oozes. Also being a waiter in that type of establishment, we were carrying around like hot, hot stones. Yeah, I guess it was. They probably had oven mitts. Yeah. But it was like, it's that thing of like when they tell you, oh, you're just, so, you know, your plate is extremely hot.

Yeah. It goes without saying. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the, you know, it's like the eating in the dark restaurant or whatever. Like, they're all these kind of like, or like a restaurant where you just eat with your hands. There's no cutlery. And they just like, you eat little pieces with like a flatbread or something like that.

Oh, yeah. Like an African. It's not like cereal where you have to like put your hand in the bowl. Yeah, yeah. No, it's cereal too. Okay. Yeah, they do a continental breakfast. Yeah. Balance breakfast. Scoop of. Scoop of the bowl. Yeah, yeah. No, it's cereal too. Okay. Yeah, they do a continental breakfast. Yeah.

Balance breakfast. Scoop of. Scoop of orange juice. Yeah. Have you been to like one of these weird. I have not. No? No.

No, I've never been. Feels like kind of like an early dating thing. Yeah. That you do. Like you're like, let's go to this weird. What was the one last year they did a dinner up on a crane oh yeah yeah that's right and it's like dinner dinner with seagulls you're in my territory

yeah i don't know what do you do if you have to go to the bathroom oh yeah i never thought about i have a bag They have a big plastic bag you're going. Yeah. You'll have to pee on just, just out. Yeah. Just the trough all the way around the edge. Yeah. Excuse me.

Somebody comes up and pulls a cape around you and you just do your thing. Yeah, that's not bad. Like James Brown when he would do. He'd be going down further and further. Yeah. Oh, I forgot to zip. Have you guys done that? Like in the dark?

I did the hot stone one. I just told you about it. What? Tell me about that. I haven't done in the dark. No, I haven't. No, I haven't done anything where it's like, here's the trend. Yeah.

And then. I feel like if that's the thing that it's like, they're not really focusing on the food. They're like, oh, this weird thing that we got going on in here. Like, and then don't worry, the food doesn't have to be very good because it's mostly about not being able to see it or something. Yeah. And then like when I was in Edinburgh, there was like a dinner theater that happened inside a restaurant. Like there were characters running around oh yeah while you're eating i've done that you've done that well is that fun was that tony and tina's wedding

no it was when i worked in alaska during university i used to work like um denali national park for like a cruise company like and uh and there was like one of the things that people that came through could do is like get tickets to like this dinner theater which i welcome to alaska we're pioneers like they like run around they sing songs and they like whenever you need something just swing your hanky above your head like like everyone's like does it together and it's like this is obnoxious and but when in it are there people doing it throughout then when they need stuff that's annoying yeah very annoying like also like just not doing

it right yeah you're not doing the woos right oh whoa whoa yeah that feels like that's like ground zero for that type of thing is cruise ports totally like some crazy like coming coming to our crazy situation yeah do we have anything like that in our port that it's like strip clubs yeah we have like yeah i don't know if we have anything like that yeah i mean there's like a street that's like all souvenir yeah that's pretty much it yeah but there's no like biggest cruise ship ever or that's ever been here is coming this year maybe i should get maybe i should put on an old-timey costume and go down there and try and uh or be like a human statue yeah yeah yeah we should just

kind of combine the two and just have like a little folding table with like a complete breakfast there and be like woo woo woo I'm gonna vote on the Vancouver I don't guess it's right my lord I don't know like an antebellum south accent none of this is factually accurate how long did you work up in Alaska for?

I did like three it was when I was going to university so I kind of did every summer I went up there and worked wow yeah it was pretty fun did you take summer I went up there and worked. Wow. Wow. Wow. Yeah. It was pretty fun. Yeah. Did you take a cruise ship up there? No. I flew up there and like after working certain like consecutive seasons, you're, you get

like a free cruise, but I was never able to use it because of school and stuff. Right. Um, so that just. What was your, literally I'm asking you the most boring question. What was your flight route? That was just from here to anchor anchorage oh that's actually no maybe we flew out of seattle once or twice anyway yeah fascinating sorry i asked yeah and then you all they all meet and then who's the guy what's the face on the side of

alaska airlines what is that oh tony i don't know actually um sorry but that's because I've been up to Dawson City and that has that same Type of like we're the old timey Come down to the Gertie Saloon Yeah And it seems like It seems fun to be the people doing it More than being the people

Experiencing it They're like waiters who don't just get to be like oh how was your meal great And then they get to like disappear and be themselves They have to be like how oh, how was your meal? Great. And then they get to like disappear and be themselves. They have to be like, how was your meal? Great. Now I'm doing a song. They have to like really,

they have to work hard. And it's like, hey, you know, I'm really into acting and theater. That's why I moved to Alaska. Yeah. I really didn't get that. I didn't get that part

in the mammoth play. So here I am playing the discoverer of beans in Alaska. I don't know. Toot the mammoth play, so here I am playing the discoverer of beans in Alaska. I don't know. Tootie Jim. Tootie Jim. Oh, Tootie Jim.

Does that with his butt. Oh, man. A lot of butt talk today. Yeah, that Tumblr's going to be all butts. Dave, what's going on with your butt? We don't do a recap, and it was not on Tumblr. We stopped doing our recap. So, you know what?

Follow us on Twitter at Stop Podcasting and post a picture of a tooting butt. Dave, what's going on with you? Not much. I don't think I told you about this,

but a funny thing happened the other day when I was going to be like I was going to work a little later than usual. And cause I had an appointment in the morning and then I was like 11 and I was like, ah, maybe I can get a late breakfast. Oh, you know what? I'll just get an early lunch. So I stopped at Wendy's. Part of a balanced lunch.

Yeah. If I have a balanced breakfast, I don't need a balanced lunch yeah if i have a balanced breakfast i don't need a good lunch and then i was like uh all right so i'll go to work i just went to this parking lot near where i work and i'll just park and i'll you know eat this food in the car and so no one i know needs to see me eat wendy's and i was like oh there is i have I not told this story? I don't think so. There was a, there was a perfect parking spot, but it was like two cars down. There was someone in their car still. So I was like, okay, this lady's going to see me eat my Wendy's.

So I pull in and look over and it's past guest of the podcast, Caitlin Howden. Oh. Sitting in her car. Huh. And she sees me and I see her And I roll down my window And she starts talking and I start talking And before and then she looks away

And then she looks back and I'm eating a burger Wow I gotta try and sneak this in mid conversation How did this get here? What? And then so she We keep chatting for a little while then i i decided i don't want my fries so i don't want to finish my fries so i start whipping fries like trying

to get them out of my window and into her window and i got them in like there was an empty parking space between us so that was quite a long distance yeah yeah and so uh she and she was eating them and then I was done my lunch and she kept talking and I just you know I have automatic windows on the passenger side so like while she's just talking I just roll out the window, pretty good gag

and then I had to get up and go to work as I was walking by I crumpled up my garbage and tried to throw it in her window. Fun. And she blocked it. She really, you know, she'd get that trash out of here. Was she also eating? Yeah.

No. She's just sitting there just hanging out in her car. What was she doing in her car? Yeah. Maybe she's doing a little surveillance. Yeah. Turn back around. She's just putting some binoculars back down. What was she doing in her car? Yeah. Maybe she's doing a little surveillance. Yeah. You turn back around, she's just putting some binoculars back down.

What? Surveilling a you. Yeah. Oh. But this Vancouver, there's a lot of people sitting in their cars. Yeah. A lot of them are living there.

Yeah, there's people living there. There's also some people that I feel like this is their quiet time. They just go and sit out in a car. Well, maybe they're having a driveway moment. What's that? It's when you're listening to a radio or podcast thing like this is their quiet time. They just go and sit out in a car. Maybe they're having a driveway moment. What's that? It's when you're listening to a radio or podcast thing and it's just, oh, you got to hear the end of this thing.

Yeah. But it's on buses and just get them to pull over and hold it. Wait. Is that my arm in the door? I want to get off. I'm waiting for them to say the catchphrase. This American life.

And that's how this story pertains to this American life. So that's fun. Fun little lunchtime. Yeah, a little lunchtime thing. And the only other thing going on with me is I just installed a new toilet seat. Hey, hey. For a toilet training person. Oh, it's Abby.

It's Abby. Oh, no. It's got a toilet seat that you can pull down and then a little tiny toilet seat for a smaller butt. Oh, yeah. On top of that.

And then a smaller one again. You're trying to make them poo real small. Keep going. There we go. Also, we're trying to train a mouse one again. You're trying to make them poo real small. Keep going. There we go. Also, we're trying to train a mouse, too. Yeah, there's a cat one, then a mouse.

The mouse keeps falling in, so we have to get a teeny one. Honestly, if you found out your house had mice, but the mice were using the toilet, I think you'd be alright with it. I'd be totally alright with it. Pretty close to some Cinderella shit at that point. maybe these guys will help me out yeah yeah yeah pretty smart just sit there in the morning like with your shirt on button waiting for it to come and

button you up just like a cheese a piece of cheese on every button come on you know you want to do it and it's the kind of toilet lid that goes down so slowly yeah like it can't slam so you push it you just like you know know, pull it down and it goes, takes like five seconds for it to slowly lower. Real nice. It's real nice until you use someone else's bathroom and you forget they don't have that and slam!

Everything all right in there? Are you mad? Are you mad at the toilet? Uh, no, everything's fine. I just thought of something that happened at work earlier just having a toilet moment yeah this american wife um did you uh was it an easy install toilet lid is a very easy install toilet seat and lid but anything that what that you can install makes you feel like oh baby you got that right that makes you feel like a million bucks even if it's just like hey just change some

light bulbs in here but you're like all right i like doing the halfway thing where i went and got picture frames and i put things in the picture frame so i was like all right those will go on the wall later that is very intimidating because you you know, that's your wall for the next however long. Yeah. And like, if you screw up, you basically have to put the, you know, you can screw up a bit because the picture will cover your screw up. Yeah. To an extent. Yeah.

And also. You puncture a big hole and you just shove the frame into it and you're like, that just kind of wedge in there. Yeah. I've, uh, I don't think I, I haven't, yeah,

I haven't hung anything up in my place and I've been there over the year. Just posters? Yeah. Posters. I put up that blue goo. Oh yeah. Yeah.

Your Countach posters. Yeah. I got the Tony Hawk body of evidence, different, different posters for different rooms for different moods. Yeah, right. Absolutely. But yeah, I haven't, because I feel like you have to get a stud finder and you have to.

No, you don't need a stud. Not for a picture. You don't need a stud finder. Put it on the wall. Yeah. You just throw that on drywall? Yeah. Just a picture?

Oh, yeah. I hate those stud finders. You need the picture hook. Oh, yeah. The hook thing. But a stud is just for a coat hanger or a TV. What about a mirror? What about a heavy mirror?

Yeah, maybe. Right. Yeah. I got a mirror that's also on the floor. Yeah, but that's just so you can see up your own skirt. Or your butt. Yeah, yeah. At least in the bathroom, man.

Explore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check in regularly. Yeah, yeah. Thank you to the bathroom, man. Explore. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Check in regularly. Yeah. Yeah, but like any kind of, have I done anything like that recently? Like a little fix-it job? I really need to do the thing, like my toilet, not to stink a bunch, but like you have to shake the handle to get it to fill. Oh, yeah.

Is that an easy fix? Am I just like being a baby about it? Because I'm kind of keep putting it off. I'm just like, you got to shake it, but it's really annoying. Is that like, you just got to put an extra link on the chain? Something like that. It can be that simple, I think. You'll feel like a million five after you're done.

Absolutely. Our wall, we have like a, we call it like a gallery wall where you just have a bunch of pictures. Yeah. They don't, you know, they're not related. It's just, you know, a bunch of crap on the wall, but it looks nice just have a bunch of pictures yeah they don't you know they're not related it's just you know a bunch of crap on the wall but it looks nice to have a bunch of frames yeah oh yeah yeah uh but the problem is like some like i guess this is an old house and things move like every day one of them's crooked and it does does me edin people were waiting for your your phrase does me it does me slam that toilet seat uh yeah no i uh i just assume i'll like leave this place at some point

so now there's no point in hanging things up yeah i've just gotten to that point and i i just remember i remember as a uh like watching 90s tv kids you know tv characters would have in their rooms that have like posters all crooked oh that yeah that's insane so cool street sign maybe a traffic light yeah god. God. Yeah. What is a kid doing this? Did you have any posters on your roof when you were a teen? Like outside? Yeah, yeah, on the outside. Yeah, the truth is out there. On the roof of your mouth? Yeah.

But like, yeah, up on the ceiling? Yes. Yeah? No. No, me neither. Thought about it though. Thought about it real hard. I had back of the door, but the door like opened to like a small thing.

So it was like, I would, and it was also like just really hard to see it to the angle. So it was just like, I did that because it seemed cool to put one on the back of the door, but like it was one I just like never saw. I'm like, oh yeah,

that's still there. I did. We moved into our house when I was in grade six and my parents were like, yeah, do whatever you want. And so I plastered it. I had like a, a subscription to Sports Illustrated.

And it was like Roberto Alomar pictures all day long. And so I had a Randall Cunningham poster. I had Wayne Gretzky. I had all the big posters of the time. Coast to Coast Brothers was the brand of poster for me i remember going to like a friend's brothers in his room and he had all uh like weightlifting guy cool posters yeah and i was like where do you get those is he a weightlifting guy i don't know was it flex magazine is that where you got it from? Yeah, maybe it was Flex.

Maybe it was, yeah, it was like a lot of- Muscle and Fitness. Yeah, a lot of Arnold Schwarzenegger, vintage Arnold Schwarzenegger. Oh, cool. And then a lot of those guys that look like melted raisinets. Yeah. But I was going to say, I moved in in grade six,

and then by like grade 12, I was like, I don't want to, I don't like all this stuff anymore. Whose room is this? Roberto Alomar. I don't respect him anymore. He's spat on an umpire. Yeah, I feel like the posters would get, they'd be changed up every couple of years. But it was that thing of like, you know, I just use scotch tape.

I would have to repaint the whole room. That was never going to happen. Yeah. Yeah, you'd have to just find scotch tape. I would have to repaint the whole room. That was never going to happen. Yeah. Yeah. You'd have to just find a bigger poster than the one that you took down. The goal was to literally have every surface covered. Like, I don't want to undo that. Anyway.

Yeah. I guess that's years and years of work. Yeah. Yeah. Got to get one of those, got to get like a box cutter, just like the things on the poles. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just slice and peel this huge thing. And on the poles. Yeah. This huge thing. And all of them like drywall comes out in chunks.

Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what's going on with you, Graham? Um, I have a couple of things. Uh, one was, uh, I was eating at a noodle place and. You love it. I love it. Oh man.

Oodles of them. I can handle it. That's what you say when you get in there. I You love it. I love it. Oh, man. Oodles of them. I can handle it. That's what you say when you get in there. I can handle it. Bring them to me. Keep them coming. Do you like your noodle in soup or just noodle? Just noodle.

I feel like soup just slows the process down. Does it lubricate the noodle? I feel like soup could lubricate it and get it moving faster. Yeah, that's true. I guess if we were going for a land speed record But Graham has a lot of Sexual memories of soup Willem Dafoe and soup

I can't watch a Willem Dafoe movie While I'm eating And I can't eat soup while I'm sexing You didn't see those ones Where they're at the Cat of Nine noodles Where they're whipping each other with noodles those are mine but like uh so i was eating and then a woman came in and sat like right behind me and she was wearing the worst uh perfume and so much so that like it interfered with the noodle lady and what do you

see this is the problem is if you're at a restaurant you've already been served you can't pick up your plate and move to another table yeah like if if i was waiting and she sat down then i could be like oh i'm just gonna go sit over here but But I'm mid. You're mid nude. Oh, man. So, yeah, her like stanky perfume got in and was combating against the delicious noodle smell. And so that was a noodle trip wasted. So you just finished your noodles? I finished them and just felt like this was, yeah. Did she do? You should have said something.

Yeah. Are you, what's the obligation? Send her noodles back. Her noodles are going back. What is the obligation? Like with, with, uh, with a, like a really pungent perfume or cologne. Cause obviously nobody's ever told them like, that's too,

it's too much. Or they did. And that person's just like, no, it's not. Oh yeah. I like it. And it smells good.

And people like it. Can you tell that to a stranger though? Yeah. I don't know. Like, I feel like it's something that like your loved one would be like, too much. Knock it off.

Yeah. Same with, you need to shower. Yeah. You smell bad in another way there was a there was a guy on the bus that wasn't i know you i could tell he wasn't a homeless guy house keys he had house keys he was jangling in front of everybody and uh and he was a guy that needed to shower and i had to i had to open the bus window because it was affecting everybody but i made eye motions like this is you open the window and you went you like you connected it yeah really yeah because he get it and i don't know you need to work a little bit

on your space work and levels i'm not good at levels. It would work if you were like, I wish I was in an invisible box. If I could just saw my nose off. Although what would have worked better is just pointing at him, you, and holding your nose. You stink. Or pretend to pull a rope that's attached to him

and then up close to you and then turn on the shower and you're showering together. Yeah. Here we go. I'll wash you. And so the other thing that happened is some time ago on the podcast, I talked about being in a diner. woman coming in and sitting down and the waitress knowing to bring over three cans of diet coke and a big glass full of ice and she just sat there and drank the three cans of diet coke very quickly oh wow and it was so bizarre that i after a while i was like did i dream that was that a real thing that happened and then i was in that

same diner and boom she came in again and it was the exact same and uh she was she she's drinking it so fast and then she would burp after every yes yeah this does come back and she was just like and these really kind of sickly, like, oh, no. So very unhealthy. Very. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're not like proud and brassy and like, I'm having fun. But then I guess there was like an old guy at another booth and he thought, well, she's burping.

So I'm also good. Oh, cool. So then it turned into a real. They're waving their hankies in the air. So it turned into a real symphony. Here comes Gassy Jack to serve you some more Diet Coke. But yeah, I was glad to see that it wasn't something that I had imagined. Sure. The real thing.

Do you think it's the same? Was it the same time of day as last time? Yeah, it would have been around the same time of day yeah so i wonder if it's like you know whatever one o'clock time to go and drink my three cans what is strange like good to do it in public yeah yeah like yeah you could buy you buy so many cokes so many cokes and and have them in your house and is there something about having them brought to you or like these are the three cokes not just like i got a whole flat over here i could just go to town if i wanted yeah these are my three i don't know or maybe like yeah maybe that's their idea of a balanced breakfast

there's got to be a markup in a restaurant in in a diner. Maybe it's, yeah, maybe it's the service. Maybe it's the. Maybe they got food poisoning and they're like, please don't sue us. And I was like, I won't. If you give me three Diet Cokes at one o'clock every day and don't talk to me about my burping. Let me rip it. What? Can you sue a place for food poisoning?

I don't know. I guess I've never really considered. What recourse do you have if you get food poisoning at a place? How do you prove it? Exactly. Yeah. Because you have to be like... Evidence is leaving you very quickly.

If you've ever like had food poisoning, or if you've ever gotten sick after a meal, you like have to, you literally have to talk to everyone you know who you ate with. Yeah. Did you get sick? No. I was a a little sick but a different kind of sick also there's places that like every time i eat at it i don't feel well but i still oh yeah you know i'm not gonna name names subway i don't know what it is about subway but every time every time I eat it, I'm like, I'm fine for an hour. And then all of a sudden I'm just like, why do I feel so awful? Oh, Subway.

All right. Yeah. It's something about that. That smell. They got that, that cold cut, that wet cold cut smell. It's not, not encouraging. Disagree. But yeah, I guess you can, I don't know. Can you super? I don't guess you can i don't know can you super i don't think you can i think you would

have to die yeah you'd have to die yeah yeah it would have to be poison poison yeah yeah yeah did you watch that uh is the netflix uh series the wild wild country i haven't watched that yet no there's a big there's a big tangent about food poisoning and that and i was like how did how did they prove it oh because someone tried wasn't it pretty obvious yeah actually poisoned someone's food type thing yeah but like an old like an 80s style uh salad bar which i was like, people must have got food poisoning from those all the time. Yeah. Just like, food sitting there.

Yeah, because when I think of like getting food poisoning from a restaurant, I don't think of someone poisoning my food.

I think of like, yeah, exactly. To see the chef who's got like a really big conspicuous ring. Don't worry about it.

I kept eating too much sushi and I couldn't be in a play. That's still the best excuse for not showing up to work in the history of excuses jeremy piven ate too much sushi yeah and he couldn't be in a broadway show what broadway show is he doing there uh your wagon i think no i don't know. Some play. Some serious play. Yeah, and he literally couldn't. And he said it was mercury poisoning because he ate the same sushi every day.

Right. Sure. And he could tell it was mercury because when it got hot out, he got hotter. He got redder. Do we want to move on to some overheard sure overheard overheard the segment of which uh you'll hear things out there in the world and then uh this is a safe space to share those things. Nothing leaves this room. Yeah. These are sound dampening in front of us, right? These big sound dampening penises.

These are robot sound dampening penises. You talk into to put your secrets in here and they're held safe inside. It's like a metaphorical penis. That holds secret. Like any penis, you whisper a secret in there and it will never come out. It comes out like a liquid stream of gold. And it's not always easy to find an overheard, but you did it. Yeah, I got something. Yeah, so it's not like a kind of classic overheard where it's like guy number one says this and the guy number one says punchline.

So this is another hospital visit. I want to point out that both those characters were named guy number one says punchline. So this is another hospital visit. I want to point out that both those characters were named guy number one. This is a guy who writes scripts. I am. It's a game with one person in it. He's caught in a tree and he's rolling around.

I can't say the name of the game, but the guy's name is Wario. And it's, so this is, I hurt my back while at the gym doing something improperly. Masturbating. Your form was okay. The guy threw a barbell and hit me in the back. I'm like, I'm just pumping up.

Cut that part out. So, yeah, I'm just pumping up. Cut that part out. So, yeah, I was doing a deadlift improperly and threw my back out real bad. And then blood started coming out of me. I went to the hospital. The spine surgeon, beautiful. I had to look at my disgusting spine. I went to Emerge.

Don't worry, this is where the poo forms just eat and it goes down the spine and then out your butt oh that's good all right squeeze cool breeze um yeah so uh so i went to emerge that you, got admitted eventually, put me in another one of those little curtain rooms. This guy goes to emergency rooms so often, he just calls it Emerge. Like the way I call it, Sev. I kept telling them, I was like, yeah, this is the first time I've been to Emerge for a while, it doesn't have to do with my heart. I didn't mention the but, they were all just kind of like, okay, yeah, sure, leave us alone, we're busy.

So they put me in one of those little curtain rooms um and the squirting curtain yeah it has a little viewing window there's an old man he's putting quarters through a slot in the thing and i have to dance um and uh i was waiting and uh next to me i could hear uh you know there wasn't much talking there's something there would be some talking and uh the you know doctor shows up and the guy's like, oh, hey doc, like wondering where you were. Uh, and I was getting worried, you know, my, uh, my sister here, you know, she got all dolled up. She's trying to meet a, uh, you know, a handsome doctor and they all, they all laugh and the

doctor's like, okay, well, um, it looks like we're going to have to, uh, it looks like things are a little bit worse and we're going to have to put some more pins in your hands. Um, like, and basically like, I think I was i was like oh no i haven't heard about these pins like young guy i could tell and uh very clearly it it kind of sounded like his hands were mush like there's something in those hands and they got completely mashed and he was having a fine time razzing people telling jokes busting his sister's beans like just i'm like your hands are destroyed okay then, then. And yeah, and I also tried to impress my doctor there. He's like, he came in and I'd seen him before once when I had to go in and get my heart shocked back into rhythm. And I was like, oh, we actually, I've been here before.

I've met you before because he introduced himself and he was just like, okay. So anyway, your back is, all right. Yeah, that's fair. Oh, you do this every day? You're like a doctor all the time? Yeah. Even when I'm not here, you're a doctor. I've seen some memorable shit. Haven't you seen, am I just the only white guy that you've seen before?

White guy, beard, glasses. They're not a look that's popular here. Yeah. Butt problems, heart problems, back problems. Does that ring a bell? Okay. Well, my neck, my back, my pussy, and my crack. Are all bleeding.

Nothing? Dave, you were very excited to find out. Yeah, because I was looking through old pictures and I was like, I must have taken a picture of something at some point. So this, I was driving next to this old Mazda Miata that had, uh, like a rag top. Oh yeah.

Yeah. And, uh. That's the only way to have a Miata. Yeah. The back window that's like shower curtain material. Yeah. And this one was torn. Oh yeah.

Oh wow. Yeah. That is pretty tough. There's a picture of it here. Oh, yeah. Oh, wow. Yeah, that is pretty tough. There's a picture of it here. And there's a cooler in the back, I guess. I don't know. Maybe they're transporting an organ. Get the Maserati.

But also, it's not made of metal, this car. Yeah. The paint is all worn off off and it just looks like. Just like fiberglass. Yeah, fiberglass underneath on the back. And where the paint is worn off, you can sort of see that they have. It's not a bumper sticker, but they have hand applied letters to say something. And all I can see is, if you have small dick.

I'm guessing it used to say honk if you have a small dick? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But, if you have small dick, keep following the Maserati. Miata. Oh, Miata, yeah.

Sorry. Well, what's the difference between a Maserati and a Miata? Oh, $100,000. If you have small dick, looking to fill up cooler in backseat. Don't have a lot of time for articles. Cannot use doors. Come in through the windshield.

In the Soviet Union, small dick has you. Yeah, it's a... Were they like magnetic letters? No, no. They looked like they were you know stuck on there oh yeah pretty well those might be like they withstood whatever had taken all the paint holding that whole bumper yeah i just put some funny funny phrase on there is the phrase of your choice but that'll hold the bumper together yeah i. I mean, I don't like being honked at either. Yeah. Why, why did all the bumper stickers invite you to honk?

It's a very jarring thing to be honked at. Yeah. When you're sitting in traffic. I mean, unless someone's horny. Yeah, that's true. And you want to know if they're behind you. Yeah. I guess you want to put bumper stickers on all four sides of your car.

And I put the, put a backwards on the front, like an ambulance. Yeah. bumper stickers on all four sides of your car. And I put it backwards on the front like an ambulance. Knoth? Knoth? Knoth? Fy? Wait, why would the words be in the wrong order? Yeah, why would you? Inro?

Eri? Fy? Cars from Iceland. Dramed you, everyone. I do, I do. It's two gals on the bus. And I assume they were roommates doing the big shop at the grocery store. They had just tons and tons of bags.

And I also feel like they maybe dyed each other's hair because they had matching identical hair color. And it wasn't very good. It wasn't a great dye job. This is all aside for the point. Kevin and I have matching hair color. You guys dyed it together. That's right. What was the color? What's the name of the color?

Auburn Mist. Auburn Mist. So the one gal was texting to, I believe the guy's name was brad and uh sending texts back and forth and and then showing them to the roommate whatever he was writing back and so they were having this back and forth and she goes i'm gonna call him do you dare me do you dare me to call him and the other roommate i, I think, was like, I don't care. Like, she didn't seem to care as much. But so she wasn't daring her. But she's like, yeah, go ahead. Call. She's like, I'm going to do there. He's just texting with me. Calling is worse than texting. Absolutely.

Why would anyone, if we have texting, why would I want to hear your voice? And who thinks that that's the leap that you're going to make? We're texting already. Why do we need to complicate things with a phone call? Yeah. Yeah. Texting is going well. Yeah.

It was. Also, these girls were buying a lot of styrofoam cups. What do you think they were up to? Jello shots? Maybe jello shots. Like practicing those cup tricks to impress Brad. Oh, yeah. Those cup things where you stack all the cups and flip them around. Oh, yeah.

I think that's a specific type of cup. I don't think you get those at the grocery store. Well, they weren't good at it. Oh, God. The training cups are very light. They still sell styrofoam cups. Yeah, and they had a lot of them. So I was like, this is a party,

but they were small. But jello shots, that could be it. Could it be that they were for the orange drink at the church coffee hour? Yeah, it's true. And then you could stick a stir stick through them and make a little toy. Or you could just what I used to do is bite the bottom and suck them through the, drink your drink out the bottom.

And styrofoam's got a thousand uses. Yeah. Stays around forever. That cup that you drank out of the bottom of still exists to this day. Oh boy, not even close to, like hasn't, it's dirty. Yeah, you can still use it as a cup. But it's not going anywhere.

No, it's inside of a whale now. That's true. It's on its cup. I've probably eaten some of the whale. I've probably eaten some of the whale it was in. That's only fair. Circle of life. Yeah, I bit a hole in the bottom of the whale.

What came out? Caviar. Very nice delicious um now we also have uh overheard caviar doesn't come out of whales it comes out of sturgeon i'm sorry doesn't uh beluga sturgeon oh beluga sturgeon okay yeah i guess also somebody told me that uh if you get a lobster and there's like the black line that people say is lobster poo, but it's not, it's actually eggs. Does anybody know anything about a lobster? You eat lobster. There's sometimes a black line that runs through it. Like a shrimp.

A shrimp definitely has a black line running through it. Yeah, and I think that one is. All right. black line running through it. Yeah, and I think that one is. Alright, anyways. If you want to send in your information about lobsters. If you want to send in your black lines and you've deveined these shrimp, send them in. You drain their main veins.

The best thing about being a woman. You don't have to drain your main vein. Hey, hey. Hey, hey. It's so weird her just sitting on that stool while her album played. The whole album? Like 45 minutes?

I don't know. Do we know any other songs? Of hers? Yeah. Any man of mine. I'm going to get to you some matter of time. That's a weird one to put there. That don't impress me.

Yeah, sure. You're still the one. You're still the one I run to. The one that I belong to. What was the one from Notting Hill? Notting Hill. It's a place I've never been. Or maybe it was Runaway Bride.

I don't know. She was beautiful in the video. She was on a horse. That's whittling it down. Maybe she was wearing a dress made of flowers. Whoa. You could go ahead and talk. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the world.

If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one, did you find it? You've got a way with me. Oh, I. you've got away with me oh i it's in the way you it's in the way we make love beautiful it's also a stunning rhyme of love and love look how beautiful she is in this video she didn't she didn't cut a bad video her whole career she's uh she's just She didn't cut a bad video her whole career.

She's a stunner start to finish. Let's hear it for Shania Twain. Shania Twain. Hip, hip, hooray. Hip, hip, a Twain. It was just nicer for her to show up on that boat, you know? Isn't the Twain, yeah, Mark Twain, that was the thing. That's like a sort of water. Yeah, that's a boat term.

Depth measurement thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah i've been all about it well i think she was she was all about it but she didn't she didn't perform she sat on a stool yeah it was like this thing you sit on the stool and you bring that up and everyone's like yeah yeah and then she's like and then just go back to listening to the album to the extent of her boat stuff. Yeah. We're here to listen. Yeah, let's zip it. Now, this first overheard comes from Ken S. This is overheard in downtown Boston this morning, whenever he wrote it. A stylish, silver-haired businessman walking and talking with a younger businessman passed by me, and I overheard him say, it was a lot of rat-a-tat-tat

pass the hat and all that. That is good. That's awesome. Yeah, great meeting. Yeah, what do you think that is that from something? Rat-a-tat-tat, pass the hat and all that.

Yeah. It's from Notting Hill. It's by Noriega. That's from Notting Hill. It's by Noriega. That's a fun rapper reference. Yeah, there you go. I think that's like a lot of tap dancing and like passing the buck and just all that. That's what I would assume it means. It's like somebody's tap dancing and then they're passing the buck.

I don't want to think about it anymore. Yeah, fair enough. I really wanted to figure it out. This next one, I only sent myself two. Oh, well. Oh, tonight's overheards have been truncated

due to weather. This is from Greg from Cincinnati. I was walking to the bar to meet up with some friends. I passed by a group of guys chatting with each other, going the other direction. And I heard one say, well, see, I've got a tattoo of Nick's butt on my butt. Oh, inception. Why don't you just do whatever the most recent one we've received is.

So it's just a free-for-all this one is unscreened yeah yeah yeah like nick's butt on my butt i don't know if i would recognize a specific butt on my butt i don't know if there's even a famous butt that i would recognize like who's got the most famous butt john claude van damme. Yeah. Or, or, uh, you know, JLo, JLo, Kardashian. I wouldn't know that. I wouldn't. Yeah.

I wouldn't know it. I wouldn't know to see it. Who's got like a butt. That's got like a, uh, you know, a tattoo or a, just an odd shape.

Like it's like a golf ball or something. A little indentations. You're like, I know that, but, uh, Jack Nicholas, Jack Nicholas,

according, according to, uh, uh, uh to Google, Jen Seltzer is the most famous butt on Instagram. Who's that? Someone on Instagram. Seltzer. Oh. All right.

So there it is. Yeah, no, me neither. Never saw her. Never saw her. Never saw her never saw her but what are some of the butts i've seen in movies uh kevin klein's and dave uh that's probably the one i know the best because you had a job interview oh okay well um if i had to guess uh top 20 would be kevin klein and dave Sylvester Stallone and the Specialist. Oh, yeah. And Sharon Stone.

Yeah, Sharon Stone. Sharon Stone. Was that in a shower, maybe? I think it was in a shower. Yeah, yeah. All right. Are you having trouble finding the most recent overheard? No, I have to sign into this account.

What? Just use my phone. So they're using their phones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But. rat-a-tat-tat all that past that all right just yeah you just click on any of these yeah yeah okay here we go here we go this is a for your consideration an overheard in portland Oregon. From? Annabelle. Hi, Annabelle. I was walking through downtown on my way to a movie when I heard a man having a phone conversation say, people never steal credit cards to buy anything fun anymore.

That's good. That is true. See, we got lucky. Yeah. Yeah, because it's mostly identity theft and stuff. It's never just like a jet ski. They'll steal your credit card and do a three cent purchase that your bank immediately picks up. Yeah.

It was like a test purchase. Yeah. Right. Yeah, there's no... No one's just stealing credit cards and just buying a bunch of temporary tattoos or anything like that again, you know? Buying as many foot-long subs as you can carry. Jughead. Subway centipede and you're just trying to get as many

party subs and connect them. Ass to mouth. You will eat the mustard from someone in front of you. Ass to mouth. Final sequence. In addition to overheards that are written in

We also accept your phone calls If you want to call us The phone number is 1-844-OOPYDOO-BADINGADINGADINGDONG That's a good one I think I got pretty far You got really far 1-844-779-7631

Or 1 By Pod 1 like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham. It's Aunt Sheila calling with an overheard from the school I teach at. Two 10-year-old boys walking down the hall. One of them says, I don't know. Emma said it wasn't any good. And the other boy said, do not trust Emma.

For starters, she thinks that whales are awful. Well, off I go. Her review of whales, don't trust it. Yeah, no way. Awful. Yeah, whales. Clearly, whales are pretty good. Yeah, whales are like a six.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bite a little hole in the bottom and some eggs come out. What are like, if you were to rate animals out of 10? What's a 10? Hot or not? What's a 10? A lion? Yeah, I guess a lion.

A puppy dog. Maybe like a silverback gorilla. Yeah. Are we doing one of those things like the, are those tardigrades eligible? Those like invulnerable little like little worm guys? No, those are not eligible. That's a zero, Kevin. Oh no.

And like a whale is, you know, a solid seven. And then like that weird blob fish is probably like. Yeah, one. Yeah, that's a one. What about an octopus? blob fish is probably like yeah one yeah that's what about an octopus octopus it's a 10 yeah okay yeah they're crazy they're wired amazing what about a sloth sloth sloth sloth is you know what i feel like they've uh they've had a good run on the internet lately but yeah maybe a little overexposed yeah yeah i think they're like a seven oh okay i'll take that yeah what did you think

yeah i'd say yeah i'd say like seven for me i really i do like the internet internet not withstanding so i do like yeah that's an eater what about a hippo hippos are pretty cool they're pretty cool especially when they eat like a whole watermelon yeah yeah and they just throw a watermelon something we have in common. They kill more people in the water than any other animal. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, shit.

They gotta be like an eight or a nine. That's a menace, though. That sounds like a menace. I'm giving them a one. Oh! Do not murder my people! All right. Kevin's taking a stand.

Yeah. Next phone call. Hey, Graham. Hey, Dave. This is David from Kingston with an overheard. It's actually from my wife, but she was too nervous to call. She was at the mall yesterday and was up at the cashier. There was a woman in front of her,

and the cashier was asking for your name, your email address, your postal code, whatever. Anyway, the woman in front of my wife goes, oh, my name's Crystal. And the cashier goes, is that spelled with a Y? And the woman replies, no, with a C. Is that the Swedish spelling? That's like a naked gun joke. Yeah.

Yeah, it's pretty good. A real life naked gun joke. Yeah. It's pretty good. A real life naked gun joke. Oh man, that movie. Oh God, I just wish it was on Netflix right now. Yeah, there's never a night that I'm not ready to watch naked gun. I would watch naked gun right now. Yeah, let the shit out of that movie.

Oh hell yeah. Here's your final overheard so we can go upstairs and see if naked guns on tv hi dave and graham this is liz and katie calling in from 7-eleven in new west okay katie tell them what you overheard um okay so there were two guys standing at the coffee machines and then they didn't know each other so one of the guys asked the other what his name was and he said his name was like mark or something and then mark asked the first guy what name was, and he said his name was like Mark or something. And then Mark asked the first guy what his name was, and he said, they call me Zeke the Greatest.

And then I had to walk away. I don't know what they said after. But yeah. Zeke the Greatest? What do you guys? That's sweet. Zeke the Greatest? Greatest.

The Greatest. But also, they were in 7-Eleven and two guys were just using a coffee machine together and their small talk is, what's your name? That's a hot meeting spot. See you at the coffee machine at the 7-Eleven. Oh, I don't know you. What's your name? Oh, can we just talk about coffee?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just be left alone? Find my coffee and leave? What would you say you are? about coffee? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Can I just be left alone? Find my coffee and leave? What would you say you are? The greatest? Yeah. Among Zeke's, I mean, I'm definitely like a 7 out of 10. Break between spiders and crystals.

Crystals, they're not on the list they don't rate um kevin that brings us to the end of this year episode i've been yawning throughout it i don't take it personally i'm so tired i'm just so bored you really you know what i i i all day long I've been so tired. You've really made my night. Each and every Sunday, you are at the Fosk. Hospital. Oh, yeah. That's all right. I met the ER.

We're Clooney. We're Clooney. ER Clooney. They must love it. They purposely give me injections of things to shut me up. And is there anything else? We didn't say the Sunday nights. The Fox Cabaret is the Sunday service.

Sunday service. Yeah, so Sunday service every Sunday at the Fox Cabaret. Doors at 7.30. Shows at 9. Come check it out. And have a pre-show sitting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get some drinks.

Maybe they don't have food. They don't have food, but some people do bring food. We've had people in the front row bust out Indian food leftovers, where it's just all those big metal tins, and they pop the lids off, and they're just shoveling it in her face like passing them around and I'm like Indian food's delicious. It is very pungent and it's right here and you guys are like

hunched over being like real gross. Good eating sound effect. Yeah, so there's that. There's the Young and Sick podcast. Young and Sick podcast that'll be coming out shortly me and alicia tobin that'll be great yeah um um yeah that's about it i'm working on a cartoon for mondo media it's like a three minute like cartoon series oh cool that i'm

making so that'll be coming out at some point um i don't actually know when so i don't really have many details on that but look out um yeah keep it tuned to kevinlee.com oh that's probably that mma fighter or something he's also doing a cool cartoon and a podcast called young and buff young and deadly and the disease and uh you listeners out there if you want to find us online oh yeah you know what I mentioned my other podcast that I've been writing it's out now it's called This Sounds Serious

first probably three episodes are out at this time if not I think one comes out tomorrow how do you do that how do you put an episode out how does that work we'll talk to you off the air last time Kevin was on we ate How do you do that? How do you put an episode out? How does that work? We'll talk, we'll talk to you off the air.

Last time Kevin was on, we ate creme brulee. Yeah. This time we're going to eat some of those dominoes lava cake. Oh, it's going to be so good. I'll take a picture of Kevin setting one on fire. Yep.

I'll be leaning at an odd angle to the camera where it makes my head look really big at the top, at the top. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Top big head. Big top head. Dave's going to yawn into the microphone a little bit. On Twitter, we're at Stop Podcasting. We have a Facebook group. That's a lot of fun.

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