Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 530 - Erica Sigurdson

Episode Date: May 14, 2018

Comedian Erica Sigurdson returns to talk couches, celebrity heights, a tennis lady, and plane etiquette.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 530 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who wonders, if God was one of us, just a stranger on a bus, would you pay attention to him? Did you forget the lyric?

Yeah, I did. The question is, what if? What if? God was one of us. Yes. The question I wonder is, what if that? Yeah, and what if what if god was one of us the question i wonder is what if that yeah and uh and what if that if god was one of us if god had a name uh kind of face what it would look like his face god yeah yeah god's here yeah great yeah yeah yeah, yeah. Yeah, no, it's a real sort of, it was the kind of religious response to whatever,

where have all the cowboys gone? I was trying to think of other like 90s solo. I literally was thinking of that song this morning, where have all the cowboys gone? What was the other, but who's the other one who had, oh, bitch. Oh, yeah. I'm just going through my Lilith Fair, I'm reading the other one who had, oh, bitch. Oh, yeah. I'm just going through my Lilith Fair. I'm reading the back of my Lilith Fair shirt right now. And our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, one of our favorite guests, Erica Sigurdsson.

Hello. Hello. Hi. Hi. Did you go to Lilith Fair? I did only once, and I worked at a vegetarian burger stand at Lilith Fair. Oh, really? I was there on a professional.

Right. Who did you see? Yeah. Who did I see? Sarah McLachlan. I want to say Fiona Apple, maybe. And then a lot of lesbians. Yeah, I wonder if Fiona Apple seems like she wouldn't get along with Sarah McLachlan.

I feel like that's a whole different vibe of, like, Fiona would maybe want to have her distance. I think she puts up a front, but she's a teddy bear. Oh, Courtney Love was there, too. Oh, wow. Yeah, because I remember we had to take burgers to her boss after

we had already shut down and fire up the grill. Courtney Love wants a burger to throw at someone. Yeah. Yeah, we made it, stayed late, and she threw it out the window as she drove away. Do you want to get to know us? Oh, yeah. Get to know us.

Did I ever say on the podcast about the time that I was almost got the job as the assistant to Courtney Love? No. No. That she, apparently, this is all conjecture, but she would hire assistants that all had long blonde hair and some sort of facial hair because that was her type. Put a gun in your mouth and you didn't like it. So you didn't get the job. Allegedly.

A guy who she was working on some movie in town and she just fired the assistant that she was working with. And the guy who would come into the coffee shop every morning was like, would you ever want to be an assistant to somebody on a movie? And I was like,

who's the somebody? He's like, really famous actress. I don't, but it's Courtney Love. I was like, I can't say who, but it's my arm.

It's Courtney Love. Oh, I would have done that. I mean, it would have been probably miserable, but the story. You would, you've got like. I was too scared. You've got coffee table talk for the rest of your life. That's true. I guess I would have had like a

good topper story. Every story. Yeah. The time that I was an assistant for Courtney Love. Yeah. People are like, oh, well, I was an assistant for Melissa Love. Yeah. Yeah. People are like, oh, well, I was an assistant for Melissa Alstermark, the bassist from Hole. Oh, yeah? Why does the bassist have a assistant? She's got, I don't know.

Yeah. Because I want to carry her bass. Picks, bass, amps. Erica, what's going on? What's new? What is new? We are in, I don't want to say renovations. We're finishing the paint job that we started three years ago.

So I'm very excited. It should be finished by the time I get home tonight. This is a mural. This is a very detailed mural you've been doing. It's just a wall. Uh, it's a wall that got marked up, uh, cause we had a stupid couch and, but the baseboards were never put back on this wall since we got new floors put in and it drives me crazy.

Yeah. And today the baseboards are going in. Nice. And this is no longer a couch bearing wall. It's not a couch bearing wall. We ordered, so we ordered a custom sofa, and so all of our other furniture is now too big. So I've been on a real Craigslist, Facebook marketplace, buying furniture, getting it home, realizing it's too big still, and then reselling it. And Jay is like, stop buying things until the couch gets here.

And I'm like, but it's fun to haul this upstairs all by myself. How many floors do you live up? 26. You don't haul them up. You have an elevator. I have an elevator and I borrow the dolly. Now, a custom couch, which I've never had in my life. Yeah.

Dave, custom couch. I've had a few custom couches in my time. How do you know that you like the couch? You don't. Yeah. Well, so we went to the place, Sofa So Good. Sofa So Good. Sofa So Good, which is just off Broadway.

But it'll make it to Broadway. Yeah, yeah. It's a pretty good, like with a title like that. And then, so they have all these sofas and different configurations so you can get it in a loveseat. And then you pick out your fabric, which looks really good in a two foot by two foot swatch. And you hope it looks good as a giant sectional. Yeah. So.

What, you, you didn't pick a big pattern, I hope. I wanted a pattern and Jay wanted brown. So we met in the middle and got off brown. But I got to pick out the pillows. Okay. And they have patterns? They are patterned as fuck. Oh, wow.

Yeah. So it's not like you didn't go in with a drawing and you said, make me this couch. Oh, yeah, no. You just sort of pick and choose. Yeah. Yeah, no, we didn't design our own sofa. I have an insane idea. It looks like an airplane, I know.

It's a custom couch. It looks like a racing car bed. Yeah. The armrests are arms. They have hands in the end. Yeah, I want it to look like a giant, like I'm sitting in a giant's lap. And it's got big hands that you rest your cup in. Oh, cool.

Is that what you rest in them or is it 24 hours before somebody puts their balls in the hand? And we know who that somebody is not. And she is sitting in this room right now. Jacuzzi. But is it like, is it way, way more than just buying an already made couch?

Or is it? Well. You can get a really expensive already made couch too. Oh man, man. This is a mini, but I'll say it real quick because I did just tell this story to Alicia, but we went couch shopping and Jay saw this couch that he loved and it had a sold sign on it.

So he went up and like was basically demanding they sell him this couch instead of the woman who paid for it. And like. The art of negotiating. And they're like, he's like, no, I want that couch. And they're like, well, if she doesn't come. And the sales guy was like, well, I had a weird feeling about her that she wasn't going to come back for it.

And so Jay leaves his number. Meanwhile, I've looked at the price tag and it was $16,000. And I was like, what are we doing on South Granville? We have to go. This couch is also a car. Wheels pop out from it. So this couch that we ordered was about $4,000. 4K.

Which is probably our biggest couch expense. Yeah. So far. That's, I don't, I've never bought a new couch. Oh, my. Uh, but I, yeah, I don't know. I don't know if I would, I guess I would buy a new couch.

We've bought new couches from Ikea and they give you the one year, it'll be lumpy in one year, we guarantee it. Yeah. Lumpy in the right parts, flat in all the wrong parts. Yeah, I feel like that's IKEA writ large. It's just like it's good for a year.

You can't move it. Can you move an IKEA couch? Yeah. Okay. Because you can't move an IKEA shelf. Because you try and move an IKEA shelf. Once you take it apart again, it's gone. It's gone.

Yeah. Ikea accounts for 1% of the world's wood. Really? Yeah. Holy shit. Did you know that? That's, wow. That's less than I would have thought.

Okay then. But most of their stuff is not actually made of wood. Yeah. It's made of an interesting. It's made of wood. Hardboard facsimile with a bit of wood. Yeah, there's wood. There's wood product. Yeah, they squeeze it all in.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. It's not from the same tree. Part of it is the meatballs that never sold. They also squish those down into press boards. Now, I heard they just released their 100-year-old secret of other meatballs, but I don't know what it is. Don't eat them. I just read a headline.

Ikea releases a secret about meatballs. Well, this is a clickbait that didn't hook me. Oh, man. Do you want me to look it up? Yeah, I'm curious to know. Do you eat meat?

You don't eat meat. Do you eat meat? I eat meat. What about an Ikea meatball? No, I'm kind of, I'm curious to know. Do you eat meatball secrets? You don't eat meat. Do you eat meat? I eat meat. What about an Ikea meatball? No, I've never consumed any Ikea, except once I got a soft serve cone. Do they have pretzels? I feel like they have pretzels. No. No?

Costco maybe has pretzels? I get their mustard. Okay. And their, the cloudberry jam. Oh, actually there was, there was an ingredient in something I was trying to make once. And I think the only place you could get it was at Ikea.

And it was Ling, Lingenberry or something like some Lingenberry jam. And I was like at Safeway, like where the, I'm like, what were you making with Lingenberry? Oh, if only I knew,

I don't know. If only I knew. Are you't know. If only I knew. Are you? Here's the secret. Yeah. These Swedish meatballs are actually based on a recipe King Charles XII brought home from Turkey. Turkish meatballs. They are not Swedish whatsoever.

Oh, man. Well, I mean, I've never had one, but I'll continue that streak. They smell real bad. Do they? Like, so my nephew loves them and he has autism and is very particular about what he eats. So now. You don't need autism for that. I can get you that without autism.

So my sister-in-law was making them the other day as we were getting ready to have our dinner that was cooking and smelled great. And I came in the kitchen and I was like, what is that smell? And she was like, it's the Ikea meatballs. Wow. Yeah. She like brought them home or she was making them? She was making them in the, she brought them from home to make them for our, for him instead of what we were eating. Huh.

Yeah. It's a, I don't know. Like I only been to an Ikea when I was like a little kid and then once as an adult. And once on a date. Oh man. Yeah. It's the best. I love.

It is fun. Just, I look at everything looks so organized and I'm like, my life is going to be so different when I get this thing for my sink oh the little like display oh whatever whatever the thing yeah it's like this is it like i'm i'm organized yeah their ads also make like just you know living at home look great fab right but then you look at your own place and you're like i'm a piece garbage. But you don't want to get, you never want to leave your house. Yeah. Unless I'm going to a place where it has even better houses.

No. Like an Ikea, you know? Oh, sure. Are you somebody that cooks a lot? No, I do. I just cook the same thing. Like I have no, it's, we're having chicken breasts. Right.

Some sort of potato or maybe quinoa if I'm really going out on a limb. And then a vegetable, usually asparagus. Yeah. And Jay's like, really sticking to this, aren't you? Like, it's just doesn't make sense to me. If you don't have a big kitchen, if you find a new recipe, you got to go buy a spice or like you buy parsley. It comes in like for a family of 12.

Yeah. I use a little like there needs to be. Like you and a horse needs. Yeah. Like, and people are like, you can freeze it. And I'm like, no, I can throw it in the freezer. And then three months later it will fall out on the floor and then I will throw it in the car. Yeah.

Come rocketing out of your face. But it's like, well, it's 99 cents for a big giant ball of it. And you're like, well, what do I want? 30 cents? Like I'll buy it. It's fine cents for a big giant ball of it. And you're like, well, what do I want? 30 cents? Like, I'll buy it. It's fine. Yeah. Can I just leave?

Like, I just want to find other people. Do you also need parsley? Do you want to go in with me on this? Oh, yeah. Like, yeah. You know, give most of it to a homeless guy. Do you want to eat this? Yeah.

Your breath is going to be amazing. Yeah. Get them to make an announcement in the stores. Anybody else getting parsley or cilantro? Oh, could that be like a Twitter account, like spice sharing? And you would just tweet where you are, like check in on Forest Square? I'm at Whole Foods. Spice share Forest Square.

I feel like that in the old days, you'd go to a neighbor and you'd borrow a spice. And so that a community had all the spices but now what you do with your neighbor is avoid eye contact yeah i know so now now you have to yeah like you say you have to have all the spices yeah i don't and like man i've bought spices that i've only used the one time and i i'm flummoxed i bought spices that i've only used once, then forgot and bought it again. We're out of nutmeg. No, we're not. I have $22 of nutmeg.

When's the last time someone knocked on your door and asked to borrow like an egg or something? 1985. Yeah. No, I don't. I mean, nobody would ever knock on my door because I live in the, around the back. So that would be a weird, somebody would have to come around the back and assume that somebody lived there. And had eggs. Do you, um, uh.

Do people knock on your door? You're in an apartment building. I am. And I know the people, like we've all lived on the floor for quite a while. So like we've gone over, uh, for drinks at our next door neighbors. They own three apartments that they made into one giant masterful top floor apartment. Wow. And they have a secret room in their apartment, which blew Jay's mind.

Like the guy's an architect and we're sitting there and then he just tapped on the wall and it opened. And like, I was, I thought it was like Jay was five years old. It was like, oh, it runs into the secret room. Well, that is cool. That is. I know. I'd be five years old too. Yeah. old. It was like, oh, it runs into the secret room. that is cool. That is, I know. I'd be five years old too.

Yeah. But I don't, I don't know that anyone's borrowed anything off of me. Yeah. I borrowed baby wipes off of the

one neighbor when Mala was tiny and I had her and she just had one of those situations and I was like, ooh, I'm in over my

head. I'm up to my neck in it. So I went and I borrowed baby wipes and that I'm in over my head. I'm up to my neck in it. So I went and I borrowed baby wipes and that's probably the last time. Huh. I now keep baby wipes everywhere. I have them in the car. I have them in my, I keep them in my back pocket at all times.

Sure. And you're, you're not, not just for babies. You could. Oh no. Yeah. It's for everything. Yeah. Baseboards. Yeah. Baseboards.

Yeah, your baseboards are pretty clean. Well, I don't use them down here. Oh, no? Have you... You've lived in the same building a long time. Almost 10 years. And, like, these people that made this mega suite, they own it, I assume? Yes.

They're not... Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They just rented three suite, they own it, I assume? They're not. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. They just rented three and they're like, ah, guess what, guys? Yeah, we're knocking out all the walls we're connecting. Yeah. I mean, that sounds awesome. Yeah.

And they also, the guy told me that in the time he's lived in that building, which is since it was built in 74, he has bought and sold 38 units. Like he was talking to us about real estate and we were just like, tell us everything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, yeah, cause, um, anyways, they're doing very well. Well, first, have money. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

Start from there and then build up. Don't waste your money on like a nice couch or anything. What you want is like just bare floors. Yeah. Okay. Well. We have gone awry. So new couch, new

wall painted. New outlook on life. This is the first time you haven't mentioned like going to Asia. Jay just got back from Asia on the 15th. He went without me. Okay. Because I was at the Winnipeg Comedy Festival.

In the middle of their winter. No. No. The very beginning of their spring. And the very beginning of playoff season. Oh yeah. Because the Jets are in the playoffs. Yes.

Have you heard? At the time of this recording, the Jets, Winnipeg's hockey team, Canada's only remaining hockey team. Still in it. Still in it. Yeah. Did they lose the other night? No, they won the other night.

Oh, nice. They have two games to win. So if you want to know when we recorded this, it was when they won the other night. Yeah. So that was bad for the festival? You know what? My gala was on the Thursday night and it was only about three quarters full.

Like the balcony was empty, which I've never seen before. But I take a lot of responsibility for that. You feel like your name was on the bill. Yeah. But it was hosted by Chris Jericho, who is from Winnipeg. And everybody was like super thrilled that he was there. So I do think maybe it did hurt a little bit. He's a wrestler.

He's a wrestler. Retired wrestler. Retired wrestler. Yeah. Who does now comedy stuff, TV show? It's a web series on CBC called. But I'm Chris Jericho. But I'm Chris Jericho.

Did he have another wrestling name or was he just Chris Jericho? He was, I know he was Chris Jericho because his finishing move was the walls of Jericho. Because when I was a kid, no one had their real name except Hulk Hogan. But that's not his, that's not his real name. Hulk Hogan. No, Hulk Hogan is his real name. What I'm saying is Chris Jericho isn't his real name. Oh.

Because my dad grew up with Chris Jericho's dad. And so. Ah. Different name. Well. with Chris Jericho's dad. And so, different names. But it was all like, everyone was the Iron Sheik. Yeah. Everyone was the Iron Sheik. Yeah. They all had characters.

It was more like a Disney Cruise line. Jake the Snake. After I stopped watching. Well, he was probably Jake Roberts. He was probably Randy Savage. Yeah, you're right. What was Elizabeth? Was her name just Elizabeth?

Miss Elizabeth. Miss Elizabeth. Most beautiful woman in wrestling. Big clave to fame. After I stopped watching wrestling, then I noticed they all had regular names. Like Shawn Michaels and Kevin Nash and Doink the Clown.

Yeah, is Chris Jericho nice? Kevin Nash and Doink the Clown. Yeah. Is Chris Jericho nice? He's very nice. Yeah. Is he a giant man? No. I mean, you don't see him and think like, he couldn't be. He definitely looks like he's a wrestler, but he's not.

Yeah. Because the one time that I met Bret uh, Brett, the hit man heart. I was like, yeah, I always, he's always struck me as smaller than the other wrestlers, but he's bigger than regular people. Yeah. Yeah. Do your hands need to be so big? Everyone knock it off.

You know, who is really big that I didn't know Taylor Swift. Apparently she's like 700 feet tall. She's in that movie Rampage. Noggin building. She's a big surprise monster. There's like all these pictures of Taylor Swift with other stars. Like Bruno Mars looks like he's looking at her belly button. Like she's so tall.

Yeah, she's, she is, I guess, yeah. Yeah. Are stars taller than they used to be? yeah she's she's I guess yeah are stars taller than they used to be because I remember growing up like the big thing was like

all of it they were all short they were all short and had big heads what I hate about living in Canada is when you google a celebrity's height

it gives it to you in metric oh how many meters tall is she how many centimeters is she 1.78 meters.

Divide that by 2.54. She's 5'11". She's 5'11". That's... I never would have guessed Taylor Swift was 5'11". Maybe it's 5'10". But that...

And that's not... You know, she wears all sorts of crazy heels. So that's... She's 6'0". Yeah. 6'0 on stage.

She could never be on that show. She couldn't get in that door. People also search for the height. We've asked. Here, when people search for Taylor Swift's height, they also search for Bruno Mars's, Selena Gomez, 1.65 meters, Justin Bieber, 1.75, Karlie Kloss, 1.88. Oh yeah, yeah, Karlie Kloss, but she's not, she's a, she's a model. Yeah. Karlie Kloss. But she's not. She's a model. Yeah.

Karlie Kloss. And the smallest of them all, Ariana Grande. Not like her name at all. Yeah. Ariana Petite. So, like, who's the tallest ever pop star? Grace Jones, I guess. Yeah.

Grace Jones. Good call. Is that a pop star? Yeah. I mean, close enough. I mean. I feel like Annie Lennox would be pretty tall. Yeah. Yeah. I'm just thinking of the lady from game of thrones it's true um yeah i don't know are you googling who's the tallest pop star in history uh uh click oh god

it's one of these ones where you have to click through to everyone. Oh, no. I mean, technically, it's Shaquille O'Neal, right? Because he released two rap albums. And, I mean, Pop Star is a stretch, but he's a star. He released an album, so. But, like, what is this dumb first result where the first answer is Kesha, and she's 5'9"? And they just Googled for you Taylor Swift's height. So it's like, Google, I just, you just told me this. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I want, who's taller than Taylor Swift? Anyway. I cannot, I can't with this. Who's the widest pop star? Oh, probably CeeLo. Oh yeah, that's true. Yeah, he's probably like. He's compact. Oh, yeah, that's true. Yeah. He's probably like.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Stout. She's a. She's not a pop star, but she was Canadian. Rita. McNeil. McNeil, yeah. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, I would say. But not a pop star. No. She was. What was she? Folk? Folk, I think. I guess so.

She was on a lot. She had like a TV special. Yeah. All the time. Yeah. Christmas with Rita McNeil. Yeah. It was on a lot. She had like a TV special all the time. Yeah. Christmas with Rita McNeil. Yeah. It was all night Easter.

It would also be. It would be Easter. It would be Thanksgiving with Rita McNeil. And it was. Yeah, every year that was the CBC's big special. What a weird thing we just did where we, instead of calling people fat, we just said, who's the widest? Well, no, because I'm not thinking of

who's, I'm not thinking of somebody who's fat. Someone who could be like, you know, someone who could fit in a fax machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they're really wide. Yeah, really wide. Because, I mean, like, who's the thinnest star with the biggest hips? Like, who's that

how do you google it your bigger like rock stars would be Meatloaf but I wouldn't say he was wide he's he's big

but he's not wide but like CeeLo's wide like he's like a head he's like one of those those little what are they called the play school men

the wobbly the wobbly guys weevils yeah I feel like at a certain point when you google things little, what are they called? The play school man? The wobbly guys? Weevils? Yeah. I feel like at a certain point when you Google things, Google you just come back with, don't you have work to do? Like, who is

the tallest, thinnest, but widest person? You know what? We're done. Instead, it'll give you like eight related questions. Yeah, I guess I want to know how Tim McGraw gets his beard that way do i have plantar fasciitis okay let's find out uh how often do you fall for like a like a click baby like when you're reading an article and then the sidebar that says like you won't believe how

i will these celebrities look now never fall for that anymore. But, and I will now, like they have to like pretty much, or at least when you hover over it, it says the website you're going to. Right. And if it's just some weird Russian thing, I won't do it. But if it's still like,

you know, located within, within website, within CNN, then sure. Yeah. But I, I won't,

I can't stand it when the picture doesn't match the drapes. The picture that they've included as a clickbait is not in the article. Yeah. Yeah.

I've said it before, when I'm in charge that's going to be a crime. Like Jonathan Lipnicki is not dead. Don't put him in your list of dead celebrities.

But like, sometimes I will go on those, especially the celebrity ones, like 10 celebrities that you won't believe, you know, don't like, uh, act anymore or something like that.

And then they're all people that I'm like, oh, well they were an actor in like the seventies or whatever. Some of them are, uh, have aged out of just, uh, acting altogether. Like, well well this guy's retired he lives

in florida now and you're like well that's good for him yeah god damn it or the worst is like uh what does precious look like now she looks the same she's still acting she was in sure she was in that billy eichner show i did follow for one of those Rebel, you won't believe what Rebel Wilson looks like now. And then I was like, it was exactly that. Like I just kept like clicking and I was like, what the fuck? Well,

because that one's a weird enough one where you're like, I saw her in a movie six months ago. She must be really fucked up now to make a clickbait about it. And I just tried to find out, so, you know, Carrie Underwood like took a spill down the stairs and had like, she wouldn't show her face because she said she's got this scar. No, I did not know.

No, I didn't know. It's like a Phantom of the Opera mask. Did you guys not sign up for CarrieUnderwood.com fan club? So, I don't know. This was like after Christmas. This is crazy. She was taking the dog out. She fell down the stairs and then like apparently like had to get 40 stitches on her face.

Oh. Right? Is this why she got a standing ovation at something? Yes. I mean, she's also a good singer. Yeah. And her husband is an NHL player. So that's probably why they were clapping.

Is he still playing? Did he retire? He might have. They bring him back. So then they showed a picture of her face, but it just, I was like looking at it like, well, what happened though? I don't see these stitches anywhere. And so I clicked like five pictures ahead and I don't know if she's just got a ton of makeup, but I'm like, I feel like if you don't show your face for three months and tell us you're not doing it, I want to see

a jagged... Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Like, I was hoping one of her eyes was underneath the other eye now. She was hoping she was wearing that vanilla sky mask. Her eye was... Oh, we really fucked up the plastic surgery

part of this. You're Peppa Pig now. Yeah, you came in with a pretty straight ahead bite mark. And our doctor fucking moved your eye over to the other side of your head. So if you look at you from this side, you look great. Two eyes. How many pairs of sunglasses do you have? We're going to have to retrofit these.

Because, yeah, we were wondering, like, have you seen hieroglyphics before? Because, yeah, I did read one of those. It was. It was one of those sidebar articles. Carrie Underwood gets a standing ovation at the Country Music Award. Well, now I have to Google this. And I was like, but that's fine. Like, why did she? I didn't realize it was because a dog.

No, wait. Did a dog bite her face or did she fall down the stairs? Into a dog's mouth. Into a dog's mouth. Oh, no. The worst accident that could ever be. Yeah. Oh, boy.

And she beat up her boyfriend's truck. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you should wear safety equipment when you're doing that kind of thing. Carrie Underwood. Yeah. 1.6 meters tall. No. Yeah, sometimes if you watch a YouTube video, there'll uh, the real reasons that Brandon Fraser doesn't work anymore.

You ever watch one of those? Boy, those are, those are the video equivalent of they go nowhere. You're like, you don't have anything. And he is working still. Yeah. And it's narrated by like Siri. It's got like a robot voice. Like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Oh yeah. It's just a paragraph, but like there's audio. It's narrated by like Siri he's got like a robot voice like yeah yeah yeah oh yeah it's just a paragraph but like there's audio it's narrated by him he's just trying to get his name back in the press why

Brendan Fraser doesn't work anymore he's too handsome um but he was everywhere and then he then he vanished he was everything to me

yeah George of the Jungle yeah Dudley Do-Right Blast from the Past uh Encino Man what's the thing he was just in recently Everything to me. Yeah. George of the Jungle. Yeah. Dudley Do-Right. Blast from the Past. I didn't see no man. What's the thing he was just in recently?

He played a real creepazoid. The Brendan Fraser story? No, it was. A movie? It was a movie or it was a TV show or it was neither. Or it was a radio play of some sort. He played like a security guard and, okay, Google it, please, Dave. It's driving me crazy. George.

He is 1.78 meters tall. He's 49 years old, born on December 3rd. He's been in, he's most known for The Mummy. No, recently. Yeah, most recent role. Trust, he was in Trust. He was in Condor. No.

It's going to drive me crazy. The Secret of Karma, Nightcap, The Affair. Oh, The Affair. The TV show. It was in The Affair. Oh, the TV show The Affair. Yes. Very sexy, starring the guy that played. The TV show. It was in The Affair. Oh, the TV show, The Affair. Yes. Very sexy, starring the guy that played...

Dominic West. Yes, yes. Like Nolte. These clickbait articles should say, why doesn't Brendan Fraser work anymore except four times a year? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's fine. Yeah, he's doing good.

Well, that's good to hear. He was in Monkeybone. Before you watch The Affair, if he's fine. Yeah, he's doing good. Well, that's good to hear. He was in Monkeybone. Before you watch the affair, if there's anyone out there, if you watch it as a couple, you've got to make sure you're in a real good place. Oh, really? Well, because, you know, you certainly can't watch it if anyone has cheated on the other person

because that is four seasons of a lot of arguments before bed. Hey, do you want to binge watch an argument that we're going to have over and over and over again? You're more a tyranny. I know that you cheated on me, but let's watch The Affair together. Oh, it's not just a miniseries. Oh, it's ongoing. I know that you were zombied, but let's watch The Walking Dead together. Is it good, that series?

Yeah, we really liked it. Because I feel like there's also a series called Divorce that also feels like a show you wouldn't watch. Yeah, it's Sarah Jessica Parker. Yeah, and Hayden David Church. Yeah. Thomas Hayden Pierce. Thomas Hayden Church? Yeah, Thomas Hayden. It's Hayden David Church Yeah Thomas Hayden Pierce Thomas Hayden Church Yeah Thomas Hayden

Hayden Panini Hayden Panini Yeah Hayden Panini Press Yeah She's one of the shortest Yeah Yes

She's not even one meter No She's not even a full meter And wasn't she dating Or married to a giant Russian boxer? Yes. Yeah, that's right. Vladimir Putin. No, the other guy, Boris Becker.

Vladimir Klitschko. Klitschko. Klitschko. Yeah. How tall is she? I think she's 1.34 meters tall. 1.53. That's five feet even.

Tiny. A tiny tot. Yeah. See, in Canada, for the non-Canadian listener, we use the metric system, except for height and weight. Yeah, that's right. Yeah. But they don't feed it to us. And if in a movie, if they say miles, we don't go, what is that?

Yeah. We figure it. And if they say it's 100 degrees out, we don't assume that it's water boiling temperature. But yet airlines will always tell you how many miles you are above the earth. But I'm like, hello, Air Canada. Feet. They'll tell you how many feet you are.

Oh, yeah. How many feet you are. Yeah, that's right. Feet. That's a weird. Yeah, that's right. Feet. That's a weird... Yeah, little bitties. We're a million apples high! Why are you telling me in this tiny

measurement? You're 35,000 feet high, but that's only 5,000 Yao Ming's. Anyways, I'm a fun pilot. But there's something in America that'm a fun pilot. Yeah. But there's something in America

that they say kilometers all the time. And I cannot. Is it NASA? I think NASA uses kilometers. They would have to. For that kind of math. They're international. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Here's what's going on with me. I still play tennis once a week with my dad yeah every uh well not every not the same day of the week every week but eight you usually get an 8 a.m court woof indoor woof and it's great because uh 8 a.m is uh nobody's there at 8 a.m like there's people who would play who don't have like if you don't have anywhere to go all day, just play a 10. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. And most people have to be at work by nine.

So no, eight doesn't really work. But, uh, so we do an 8am. Nobody is ever there. Except, uh,

a couple of weeks ago we were playing and there's four underground courts. Nobody's on any of them. This woman. They haven't been discovered yet. Yeah. Yeah. There's a

secret dark internet yeah the dark internet people fucking on the tennis courts be like my dad and i challenge each other we play for bitcoin and uh so nobody's there ever and we play and we're playing and it's like 20 minutes in and this woman comes in and she's like an older woman. And she, uh, she says, can I use your court? And there's three other courts. Right. I said, and we were like, what, what do you mean? They told me I should use this court.

Right. And we were like, oh, okay, whatever. We'll just move over. So we did. We start playing on the next cord over. This woman comes down. She's got a key. Opens up this locker. This big closet on the side.

Well, she doesn't open it up at first. She, you know, she kind of meanders over to us. Is it going to turn out this is a ghost? No. Oh, okay. And just staring at us while we're playing.

Very distracting. Like a very mental game. And a woman just comes over and starts watching you. And she says, I can't get the thing open. Can't get the lock unlocked. Yeah. So I go over, I walk across. She's asking me all these questions about the tennis ball machine.

I've never used it. i just play against my dad so we are so i like uh you've become a tennis instructor i pull the door open i give her the key back and she says i can take it from here wait how does this thing work like how are there wheels on it and like yeah i think there's wheels on this side so you hold it like this and you drag it okay no i've got it from here thank you very much for your time so we go back to play just so you're coming if only it got that far so she you know uncoils the plug. Yeah. And she kind of walks over to the wall. Hmm, no plug in here.

She puts it across your cord. Since you're dead, fly. So we keep playing, but as we're playing, we are watching her the entire time. It's so distracting, but at least it's distracting for both of us, so I guess it's fair. And she introduced herself, and so she knows my name now. And then as she's literally going from wall to wall to wall, searching for a plug to plug this thing in, she is making comments on our game.

She's like, good serve, Dave. She's learned my name a minute ago. Thank you. Thank you, ma'am. And so we keep playing, and we see there's a plug on our cord. If she only hadn't kicked us off our original court she could be in bald machine heaven right now

um oh boy and so she does and so like with like you know not trying to intrude right she was like trying to be coy looking for oh is there a plug here is a plug here oh maybe under this tarp no no plugs and then eventually she comes over to us and says do you know where there's a plug and we don't and but we kind of like stop our game we do a tour of her court with her oh maybe there's one inside here well I don't want to plug inside. So, Oh, boy. So, she, like, I guess what happened next is she could have brought it onto our court, but

she just gave up. Right. So, it was just like 20 minutes. She just dragged it back into the big closet. 20 minutes of walking around, not plugging this ball machine in machine got my steps in and when she left my dad and i were like should we go back to our old court yeah okay yeah yeah yeah all our stuff's over there anyway um oh man i feel like wimbledon

should have that level of uh challenge yeah during the, there's just somebody dragging some piece of machinery around the outside. Exactly. Is he with you? It's so hot. Do you guys want a drink? Like they're allowed to talk to you.

I like your headband. Do you pay for that or is that a sponsor thing? Oh man, I love her. Yeah. Do you want to go wait? Like next time you're going,

just let us know. We'll just, sure. Just going to meet you there. Well, she, I don't think she's ever done it before. Yeah.

But like, but I also, I think she's the type to give up though, from what we know about her. Yeah. She did try. She did give up. And it's like, that is my absolute worst nightmare of like having to inconvenience other people because I don't know anything.

Right. Like I would have just been like, I don't see any plugs. I'm going to pretend I came here by accident. Yeah, yeah, yeah. These keys in my hand. These are for something else. Bye. Did you guys order a pizza?

I left it out of the car. Anyways, I better get back to it. Like, I never would have asked the people to move a court. Yeah. Like, I would have just been. Oh, yeah. Five other courts. Yeah.

And I would have been like, I guess this isn't my day. Although that would lead to, just in general, not kind of asking questions would just like lead me to accidentally walk into the wrong locker room or something like that. Yeah. You know, just to be flummoxed the whole day. She had been given bad information because she was told. Just go take it out of the closet? Go to this court and then I guess kick whoever's on it off it. Yeah.

Yeah. Also, have you ever used one of those, the robots? No. I feel like she probably wasn't going to be very good. I don't remember if she had a racket. Thinking back, I don't remember her bringing a racket. She's just catching them in her mouth like a dog. Oh, man.

That gag would have paid off If only she had found a plug Anyway, happy birthday guys This is a prank from your old college buddy Oh man It's the opposite of strippers shooting ping pong balls A woman who just catches tennis balls in her mouth Happy anniversary A woman who just catches tennis balls in her mouth.

Happy anniversary. So, yeah. Anyway, tennis is going great. I still say all my catchphrases. Yeah. Wait, one love, one love, Bob Marley on the court. Yep. Let's see, what is... I think

it was Deuce. I sing Deuce by Kiss. If it's 30-30, it's basically Deuce. I sing Deuce by Mini Kiss. And when I play against my friend Ben, if it's ever 30-30, we take a break and we talk about the most recent

30-for-30 documentary we've seen. That's a real thing we do. Is it? Yeah. What's the most recent one you saw? I haven't seen one in like a year. Like the Lakers Celtics one. Oh, I saw the Ric Flair one. Oh, yes, I did see that one. Have you seen the Andre the Giant documentary? No, I don't

have the HBO. Yeah, but you don't that never stopped you before. From seeing a documentary? Seeing things. Yeah, I mean, I'll find it eventually. Or it'll find me. If it's meant to be, it's meant to be, right?

That's the way I like to play it. Yeah, so did you finish your game? Oh, yeah. Did you win? Yeah. Nice. I rarely lose now to my dad. You figured him out?

I figured him out. And also we've been playing two years and he's getting older and I'm not. Yeah. You're getting younger. Yeah. No, it's really just that I'm figuring out how to play. Yeah. Did you not know when you first started?

I played when I was a teenager. Yeah. But I was, or I played when I was a teenager. Yeah. But I was, or like a kid, not a teenager. And then, but I was never, I'm still not good. Yeah. But I can at least like get it where I want it to go. Just not hard. Yeah.

Have you ever played tennis? I did play tennis. I played in high school. Really? I finished third in the provincial tennis. Championships? Championships, whatever you want to call them. Really?

In mixed doubles. Not by myself. Okay. I couldn't be trusted alone out there. You needed a man. I needed a man to bring home the grand trophy. And then I didn't play for years and years. And now Jay and I like to go play.

Oh, really? In the summer. Yeah. Is it a fun couples Jay and I like to go play. Oh, really? Yeah. Is it a fun couples activity or? I mean, it's, you don't have to be a couple, but you have to have another person. Yeah. Absolutely. Or a machine.

Or a machine. Well, but look how it worked out for her. Not well. Yeah. Um, so I do love going and we go to those, uh, the courts in Stanley on the edge of like Lost Lagoon. Oh yeah. And like it's 30 minute time limit, which means if they're all full and you sit down,

whoever is playing immediately starts timing themselves from that moment. Like it's 30 minutes starting now. Right, right, right, right. Um. We just got, we just finished warming up. Yeah. Yeah. But then you do the same thing.

You're like, somebody's waiting. 30 minute timer. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. Hmm. You're like, somebody's waiting. 30 minute timer. Yeah. Yeah, I like it. Hmm. Yeah. I'm not great, though. I played it once and then I was like, this is hard.

I quit forever. The end. You get better pretty quickly, though. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think if you play someone better than you, you get better. Yeah. Now that I'm as good as my dad, I'm not getting any better. You've peaked. I've peaked, yeah. Yeah. Now that I'm as good as my dad, I'm not getting any better.

You peaked. I peaked, yeah. Yeah. You need to find a new challenge, maybe. Darcy Michael's pretty good. Is he? He took lessons, and then I hadn't played forever, and we played against each other, and I actually beat him in the first game, and he was very upset about it.

He seems like he would easily, easy to get upset. Yeah. I mean, that doesn't make you good But then he beat me the next one He made John McEnroe good He was so upset all the time He used that rage to make himself great Right?

That's why they called him the great rage Graham what's up with you? Last week I went to Toronto What's that like? It's big Um, I, uh, last week I went to, uh, Toronto, Ontario. What's that like? Uh, it's big. Uh-huh.

Yeah. It's, uh, some days it was rainy. Some days it was bright and very cold. Oh, ironic. Yeah. And, uh, you know, I like it there. I like Toronto. Mm-hmm.

And I was there. I was doing shows. When are you going to move there? Uh, yeah, maybe in a year. Who knows? And, uh, I, um, was doing a show at the Comedy Bar. And then somebody who was doing a show on the Sunday night sent me an email and said, Would you like to host this Sunday night show?

And I said, Sure. Is it a Sunday night sex show with Sujo Hansen? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Dave, I gave out a lot of bad advice. I said, don't pay attention to expiry dates on condoms. And I said, yes, I'll host the show. And I didn't realize that it was like, it's a sketch show that they do every Sunday

in the model of Saturday Night Live. Oh, so when you were hosting it. Yeah, that I would have to be. The host. Yeah, I'd have to be the host, Saturday Night Live. Oh, so when you were hosting it. Yeah, that I would have to be. The host. Yeah, I'd have to be the host, like, in sketches. And boy, oh boy, do I not know that world at all. When did you have, so when you said you were hosting it, did that mean, like, because in the model of Saturday Night Live,

the host is there all week. Oh, yeah. No, this is all done in, like, I guess the sketch team writes all the sketches. And then the host selects which ones of the 10, like, you know, they give you 10. And the name of the show is? Sunday Night Live. Oh, really? Yeah.

Okay. But I didn't, yeah, I just thought host, like, I thought it was just, I was going to host the show. MC the show. Any birthdays? Yeah, yeah just thought host, like, I thought it was just I was going to host the show. MC the show. Any birthdays? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And so I realized not great at memorization. That's something that you need to be really good at. You were Robert De Niro-ing the cue cards.

Oh, boy. There was at one point like a podium was added to a scene just so I could have a script. There was at one point like a podium was added to a scene just so I could have a script. And the one scene where I didn't have a script, I forgot half of my lines. I felt so bad for everybody else involved. Well, they really should have prepared you more. And like everybody was doing, like wearing costumes and stuff. And I i just the only costume i wore a hat in one scene and glasses in another scene just to differentiate the characters uh but boy i i they do this every week they write brand new sketches and then

did you ever get to did you introduce the musical They did have a band. They had a live band that I kept forgetting their name. Oh, man. Damn it. They were called, oh, God damn it. What were they called? Well, you're not going to remember it now. No. What was their height?

Oh, no, they were called Hazard Pay. That was the name. But then I kept calling them Work Permit. What's the name of that? Work permit? So that was, it was fine. It went fine because they were all good at covering up my several mistakes. But like one of the scenes I had to keep coming on and off stage and so I just had the script

off to the side of the stage and just would learn the line right there and then come out and say it and then go back off stage. What kind of host do they usually have? Somebody who knows Chris Jericho. Yeah, Chris Jericho.

You know, sometimes it'll be... I imagine like other sketch people or people that know that they're signing up for this. So then they practice more. Yeah, really bad. How far in advance did you get the sketches to choose from? They like three days before. Oh, you can't know anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they did. They knew. They were learning their sketches the day of. And they nailed it. That's their dream. You're already living your dream. That's true. That's true.

And then on the flight back from Toronto, it was like. How many feet were you? Yeah, how many feet in the air were you? I didn't pay attention to that part, but I would say I know how much horsepower there was. Yeah. It was

10 to the power of something. Okay. But what are the huge planes called that are like they have like a row in the middle. Oh, yeah. Oh, airplanes. The big bus, the air bus.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, air bus. 357, I think. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why are you getting angry? I don't know. There might be some 47s. I'm not a plane guy. I'm not a guy who does the model.

You're also not a Taylor Swift height guy. You Googled everything else I wanted to know. But, like, what is the question? What are the types of planes you can be on? Well, you know, like, you go on. It was a big, wide plane. Big, wide plane. So, big, wide plane, way oversold, and confusing.

Like, everybody now, like, brings their luggage on because you have to pay money to, it or whatever. So people are bringing in insane amounts of luggage that doesn't fit anywhere in the overhead. And then this, almost everybody's seated, and then this family comes on, and the family has been given four seats just scattered around the plane. At one point, they're trying to figure out the configurations of where does the family go and at one point they put a four-year-old kid next to me and they walk away i was like oh surely this is not this is not the final answer that you

guys have figured out the kid was terrified and i was was terrified. And I was like, very much. It was like, so he'll be your dad for the flight. Yeah. But whatever thought process was that. You're holding their baby. What? Yeah. They're like, I guess.

Have you ever. You go here. Yeah. Yeah. No, sir, you're not lactating, are you? And the dad of the family will go in the overhead bin. And that just leaves mama's co-pilot. I feel like that one of those parents was probably hoping that, like, their kids got sat with the other parent.

And then they're like, oh, man, sorry. Yeah, you're hoping for three in one. I was sat way at the back of the plane just enjoying a silent five-hour flight with watching all the movies that I want to watch. Watching the map for five hours, loving it. When I see people watching, like I sat next to a guy who didn't want to spring for the $3 earphones. So for a four hour flight, just watched movies with no sound. And I was like, like, they don't even have subtitles. I was like, what? Like, I wanted to just buy him earphones because I was like, I can't watch my film watching you watch this film with no sound.

Well, because eventually he's going to drift over to your film. Yeah. It's just as good. watching this film with no sound. Well, because eventually he's going to drift over to your film. It's just as good. Who's that guy? At least you can explain it to him. Can you say the things that they're saying as they say them, please? Have you ever seen a movie that you're watching

finishes and then you glance over at somebody else's movie and you spoil that movie? Like you just glance over and you're like oh oh well i characterized okay um anyway my problem is when it's like i didn't expect them to show this much of the sex scene oh yeah that is awkward this is the like this is the version everyone can watch on there. Yeah, that's when you take out one of your earbuds and go, I'm into this. Do you want me to give you the play-by-play? I think I watched Black Swan on a plane, and, like, that scene with, like, I was like, oh. Like, but I, you know what, I was like, whatever, no big deal, just body.

And meanwhile, I'm,'m like glued to the thing. I'm pretty sure that I watched Black Swan with my parents. And during that scene, I was like, popcorn? Anybody popcorn? I don't remember. Is it a lesbian scene? Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Is it ever? Well, I was like, when you said that scene, I was like, I don't know. She starts picking at her nails a lot. Oh, boy. Oh, that's an uncomfortable villain. That's what I think of as that scene. Oh, boy. Yeah is there's a lot of nail stuff in it which is uh yeah not a fan hard to handle so anyways that family they moved all

these people around and then i got this old british guy was sitting next to me and oh man this guy kept luring me into he kept trying to lure me into conversation, but he just wanted to talk. He didn't want me to say anything. Oh, yeah. He just wanted me to go like, yeah, man, the government or whatever. The queen. Yeah, he did. That's what he launched into how much he hates the monarchy.

And I was like, yeah. And I was like, that's fine. And then he started talking about history, like all these different people from the church and I do you just pop in your earbud and go okay can you be mansplained something if you're a man is it still called that yeah I don't know

I was like bring back the kid bring back the terrifying kid. I want to watch Black Swan with this kid. You already mean any Darren Ornoski movie. We'll do it when you're ready. Yeah. Requiem for a Dream, my little man. Hey, little fella.

You ever seen Pi? I don little man. Hey, little fella. You ever seen Pi? I don't know. Yeah, the wrestler. You like Cloud Atlas? Is that him? No. What's the one that's like Cloud Atlas? Oh, the one with Hugh Jackman and Rachel Weisz?

Oh, I can't remember. No idea. All right, well. We can't Google it now. We're clearly cutting a break. But do we want to move on to a little bit of business? Yeah. Hey, babies.

Wake up, babies. Wake up, you little babies. Listen, you've been naughty. And so it's time for a little bit of business. This week's business. Oh, it's all about the Jumbotron. Now, we've got a couple of Jumbotron messages. These are both super short, super sweet.

Yeah. Jumbo Jumbos. This first message is for Justin. And it's from two people, Emma and Joanne. And like you said, real real simple message happy 22nd anniversary we love you now what kind of anniversary do you think this is from two people to one person yeah of a business maybe a business was formed 22 years ago yeah first first apartment yeah what would have happened 22 years ago? You're talking about 1996.

Oh, boy. Yeah, I mean, we were all raging against the machine. I think they were probably planning the Atlanta Olympic bombing. Happy 22nd anniversary. Getting off the hook. You know what we're talking about. Yeah, Richard Jewell's going down for this. Yeah, did he ever get his janitorial career back on track?

He, that, Graham. He was a security guard. Oh, he was a security guard. I thought he was a custodian. No, he did not. He died too young and... Really? Yeah.

Oh, no. It's a real tragic story. Oh, I didn't know that. Our next Jumbotron message. This is to Nick from Greer. And the message says, we overheard it was your birthday. Happy belated, Nick. Oh, so they forgot.

Or, well, maybe not forgot. Maybe something else was going on. Maybe they were planning some sort of bombing. And the important thing is they made amends through their Jumbotron message. If you want to make amends or promote your thing, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Also, we have a

quick word from Squarespace. Now, Squarespace, what they do is they take your ideas and they webify them. So, say I have an idea for Webified. Yeah, a comic. an idea for... Webified. Yeah. A comic. Can you make it into a web comic?

Yep. Cool. Let's see. Let's see. An offline thing. Can you make it online? Oh, boy. Jeez.

That we can't do. Oh, no. No. Look, Squarespace, they do it all. You don't need to be some kind of great uh web meister yeah web guru uh you drag it you drop it you pop it you lock it that's how you make a website with squarespace and it used to be i was so uh back in the early aughts so intimidated by trying to make a website that you'd have to go, you'd have to hire one, the one or two people in town.

They were called the web Smiths. Yeah. And, uh, you'd have to find a web Smith and, uh. And you'd go, you'd, you'd like, they would be wearing an overcoat. Yeah. Like a, you know, like a raincoat, a trench coat. Yeah. And you, you know, you'd give them your money.

You'd meet them in a back alley somewhere seedy. And like a little fuzzy little hand would come out of the sleeve. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you'd be like, what's going on in there? And they would, then they would like shuffle off. Yeah. And you, you would sneak up behind them and watch them go to work. And I swear to God, if they weren't a spider.

Yeah. They had, they were a little web slinger web smith and they had the reason they could do so much web stuff so many arms so many arms they're clicking they're typing they're you know drinking a mountain dew now you do it all yourself you do it all yourself thank you we could a little get a little back in from them and and uh you know it's it's no longer a code red a little little extra bonus from the folks so you can turn your cool idea into a new website showcase your work announce an upcoming event or special project and more and it all comes from uh templates that are designed by world-class designers and it's a free secure hosting, nothing to patch or upgrade ever.

So, we've used Squarespace before. I would do it again if I ever had another idea. Go to squarespace.com for a free trial, and when you're ready to launch, use the offer code SPY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. Don't go to a spider.

No, yeah. You don't have to anymore, so why bother? Un banjo? Yeah. Is there a dog in a car at a bar on the street? Yay! I'm Allegra Ringo, a small dog owner. My dog, Pistachio, howls when she's excited.

And I'm Renee Colvert, a big dog owner. My dog,istachio howls when she's excited. And I'm Renee Culvert, a big dog owner. My dog Tugboat tips over when he's sleepy. And we co-host a podcast called Can I Pet Your Dog that airs every Tuesday. We bring you all things dog. Yes, dog news, dog tech, dogs we met this week. We also have pretty famous guests on, but legs. We're not going to let them talk about their projects. No.

Just want to hear about those dogs. We don't want to hear about your stuff. Only your dogs. So join us every Tuesday on MaxFun. Just want to hear about those dogs. We don't want to hear about your stuff. Only your dogs. So join us every Tuesday on MaxFun. Thank you so much to the over 28,000 members who joined or upgraded during the 2018 MaxFunDrive and to all of our monthly members.

You showed up in full force to help us reach our goal and to show our appreciation for putting up this year's batch of MaxFunDrive exclusive enamel pins on sale for all $10 and up monthly members. And just like last year, we're giving all the profits to charity. For 2018, we're supporting the National Immigration Law Center. The sale will run from May 18 through May 28, so don't miss it. $10 and up monthly members will be receiving personalized code and instructions to purchase pins on May 17. So keep your inbox open and notifications on. For more details, head over to MaximumFun.org slash pins. And to learn more about the National Immigration Law Center and support them directly, you can go to NILC.org.

Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we, out there in the world, we hear things, and then here in the world, we share those things. We always like to start with the guest, Erica. Yes. Well, I feel like my whole night last night was an overheard, so I can't do that. Just a super drunk table of grandparents and one baby. Was this your own family?

No. They could have been mine though. I felt, I was going to steal the baby. This, I have two overheards. This is my first one because it just, it wasn't so funny. It's just kind of sad and I was going to take the baby.

There's like. Don't take people's babies, Erica. So this is the one you weren't going to say, you're now going to say? I'm going to say it. Just last minute decision. Here we go. So these people show up for drinks at like 10 p.m.

And the man's like, I don't know, in his mid-60s. And he's clearly been drinking all day. And the wife is like, you know, probably equal age. And then they've got like a 35-year-old daughter or whatever. So they're sitting there and he's looking out at the view at this English Bay. So it must have been before sun, so 9pm. And he's like this place

well look at it. It's fucking beautiful. And then the wife goes you didn't swear like that. And he's like, what's your birthday, you cunt? And I was like, what just happened? And like, I couldn't stop watching them for like two hours.

Jay's trying to discuss everything in our life with us. Like, we should talk about our finances. I'm like, shh. This guy said the C word and got away with it. Oh, then he pulled a waitress into it. And like. Was the baby awake this whole time? No, I've never seen a baby pretend to be asleep.

But I think this baby was pretending to be asleep for two hours. This nine months old, if it was a day and it wasn't a day, it was nine months old. This baby just like slept. But I think once I saw it just pee under his eye, like, are they still awake? Oh, man. Yeah. And then, yeah, pulled the waitress into it and shit. The mother was like, he just called me.

And this poor girl was like, I have to go. Oh, man. They were great. They don't train you for the C word. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is my first day. Well, maybe because he was looking C word. Pretty great.

And you have another one? Yeah, let's wait. You guys, we'll go around. Okay, let's go around. Round Robin. Let's do this one. This one also involves the baby. Uh, I was outside where I was picking up, uh, Margo from, uh, preschool.

And there were these two ladies. One of them was very pregnant. Mm-hmm. And she, the other one was talking to her and the other one said, and I just overheard this tiny bit of it. She said, just this morning? And the pregnant woman was like, what? You just found out this morning that you were pregnant? And the woman goes, no, not just this morning, Christmas morning.

So I found out I was pregnant just this morning i'm very dumb why why is this part getting so round anyway just this morning. My overheard is from the airport. What do you call those little cars that older people or people with transportation issues? They're like a golf cart in the airport. Airport cart. Yeah. And one of those rode by these two young girls.

And the one girl asked her sister, I guess, said, do you think you have to pay to ride on one of those? And her sister very confidently said, oh, yes. I mean, that's why we never have been on one. Ask Gaz or Grax, ladies. I mean, if that was, like, it hasn't even come up no I've have you ever been on one no we were on one once I think it's like we were the last people getting off a plane once with the baby yeah and they one of those came by and like hop on cool you're like thank god yeah just

take the baby actually was it nice it was not. It was, I think they were like, you guys, I guess, don't want to wait around. Right. So let's just start, like, driving as soon as your butt hits the seat. We're like, can we get this sorted out? Our baby. Yeah. She's swinging in her little. We're not in a hurry, obviously.

I'm sure our luggage will take some time. Does everybody stare at you? That's what I assume is that everybody's looking. Only if you wave. Hurry, obviously. I'm sure our luggage will take some time. Does everybody stare at you? That's what I assume is that everybody's looking. Only if you wave. I would wave. Do you stare at the people? I'd stop.

I'd stare. I'd take out a camera. Nice crutches, asshole. Yeah, yeah. I'd heckle. He's a real jerk. What was your other over? Oh, I was in Staples the other day, and I'm just waiting in line. There's a guy in front of me.

I'd say, I don't know, mid-50s. And two young guys walk by, and the guy in front of me goes, cool T-shirt. And then the guys turn, and they give him this look like, what the fuck? And I look, and one of the young guys is wearing a Rolling Stones t-shirt. So the guys just look and they don't say anything. And then the guy looks back ahead of him and then I hear him go, Rolling Stones. Awesome. Yeah, it is awesome. I feel bad for him though because he really thought he was gonna bond like

hey man cool cool t-shirt i mean there was a time in my life where i had to consider whether i would wear a certain shirt on a given day because who am i gonna run to are people gonna comment on this shirt yeah and especially a band shirt is the gambit is that some, you're going to meet somebody who's like, I mean, Rolling Stones is broad enough. You're like, yeah, I know some of their songs, but like, if you wear like. Grateful Dead or. Yeah. Somebody's going to say, you know, have you ever seen them live or whatever? You're going to get in conversation.

Yeah. Like you wear like a whole t-shirt and it's like, Hey, have you ever been an assistant to Courtney Love? Have you ever cooked a sandwich for Courtney Love? Because here's me, I have. Was Olive Hole there or was it just Courtney Love solo? Just Courtney. No, it was just Courtney Love. Oh, love.

But Frances Bean was in the big bus. Oh. Could have made a sandwich for her. Who knows? Pretty good. Doesn't she, she has like the whole estate or something like that i think so yeah yeah she's a smart business lady that francis having a rich dad that died yep she's uh bought and sold 38 apartments in one building yeah she's got a secret room to hide from her mom. That secret room is It's the coolest.

It is the coolest. I mean, you know, like it's just such a cool selling point. I want to see a like a clickbait article that's why

Courtney Love isn't in movies anymore. She was in those four. Yeah. And she was like she had Oscar buzz for one of them. She went glam. Yeah.

She went from grunge to glam. Because she was, what is it? The People versus Larry Flint? And Man on the Mune. Yeah. She's good. Yeah. And 200 Cigarettes.

Those are pretty much the only ones I saw. Yeah. Yeah, what's she doing now? Oh, she's still out there. You know. You know, acting was never her main thing. She's a musician. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And she's also a bitch and a lover. Child of a mother. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, we also have overheards sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Richard M. from Vermont. the world. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into SPY at maximum fun.org. This first one comes from Richard M from Vermont. Uh, but he was in,

uh, he was visiting the Epcot center. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Big silver ball and whatnot. And while walking through a live butterfly exhibit, I passed by a family and overheard this exchange.

Teen boy. Uh, can we just go already? Younger sister. Oh, God, are you scared of butterflies, too? So this is a teen boy who was scared of something, and his sister's calling him out. I got to tell you, I did not.

If you ask me what they have at Epcot Center. Butterflies? Butterflies. A live butterfly exhibit would have been the 10,000th thing I would have guessed. What about the dead butterfly exhibit? Or a robot butterfly exhibit. Yes. Some kind of butterfly ride.

I feel like I went to Epcot Center when I was a kid, and all I remember is the Captain EO. That was Captain EO was there. And then the big silver ball. Was the big silver ball there? Or is that in? No, that's there. Okay.

That is Epcot Center, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know. Your thoughts. Never been. Never got taken anywhere cool as a child. And never felt the need as an adult to rectify that? No.

I did recently go to, I had a gig in Florida, which was legal because I was being paid from a Canadian company, IRS. Hands off. And I went to Universal Studios, which I had never been to. It's real different when you're all by yourself walking around. I went on the roller coaster by myself, which felt... Sad. It felt a little bit sad, but also a little bit exhilarating. Do you get to jump the line

if you're a single? Yeah, you sure do. Really? Yeah. Nice. All right. Me and another sad person that got to ride together,

and I thought, if our car goes off, no one will care. These two lonely, sad people died. Are we closing the ride? No. Do you want to buy a picture of you two guys together? Let's go on the ride.

Yeah, okay. Can we get a picture of the lady who died? Oh, those are not flattering pictures. No, that's the point. They're like, do you want to? No, but like a new level of not flattering. Like I was like, oh, good. How much do I have to pay you to burn these all?

Do you remember, like burn them all onto a CD? Yeah. Do you remember when we went to the Sears Tower, now known as something else tower in Chicago? And you go in and the first thing they do is take your picture in front of a green screen. And then you go up to the top of the Sears Tower where you can take as many pictures as you want and you come down and they try to sell you a picture of yourself in front of a green screen

at the top of the Sears Tower. Look, there's a dog surfing in the background. Isn't that cool? Courtney loves behind us. This next one comes from Jake A. This is in Las Vegas. I was with my girlfriend sitting in a theater and waiting for a Cirque du Soleil show to begin. Behind Us were two women in what I guess was their early 20s.

They seemed to be pretty good friends. We're discussing the prospect of going to the bar or club after the show. Friend one. Well, it is a Tuesday. Smugly. Then again, I'm known for going out on Tuesdays. Friend two. I don't understand what you mean by that.

Friend one. Obviously hurt. I always go drinking on Tuesdays. Like that's her thing. Yeah, I guess, you know, everybody needs a thing. Yeah. And so drinking on Tuesdays is hers. Yeah, I think when I was in college, there was like Thursday night was the big like club night because I don't know why.

Nobody cares about Friday classes. Yeah, I guess so. nobody cares about friday classes yeah i guess so but like and then friday people would also go out but it wasn't i mean it was expected yeah like thursday was just sort of a strange hey we're all doing thursdays would it was there like crazy drink specials when you were like in college yeah the only crazy drink specials so like a drink that thought it was Napoleon. Drink that they had to catch with a butterfly net. But like crazy amounts of liquor for a tiny, tiny amount? I never drank very much,

so I don't know. Okay. Because that's the only kind of thing I recall from like the college bar was like there'd be like an hour where like shots were like a quarter or something. We had tequila Tuesdays, which were a dollar for a shot of tequila.

Right. And so you would just buy 20 shots of tequila and everybody, and like, it was the worst. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an hour and a half later, everybody was just like, I'm so sick. I was so, I never drank tequila until like three or four years ago because I was afraid of it. Because everyone associates it with like going hard. Yeah, yeah. You just, you know, and plus like if you want to do a shot of it, you have to lick salt and bite alive.

Yeah. So it's this weird potion. And then I just started putting it in soda water and it's great. It's still, I'm allergic. I recently found out. Really? Yeah. So the, whatever it is a plant agave i guess yeah i'm sorry yeah me too i really like tequila well you know what you you had your share oh yeah um this last one comes from john g in north carolina i was looking at cars at a dealership and a salesperson walked up to me and asked if I liked the car I was looking at.

I told him I did, but I didn't think I could afford it. His response was, yeah, you probably can't, and walked away. That's good. Yeah, if you think you can't, you can't. First part of affording something is thinking you can afford it. I want to know what kind of car this was. He didn't say. I know, That's why I want to know.

A Tesla. Oh, yeah. No, you can't afford that. No, no, no. Nobody can. I couldn't afford to plug it in. Is it? But you can't.

I think in Vancouver now, you can because gas is so expensive. Yeah. My chiropractor just told me, he was like, I can get it for $750 a month for 96 months, which, correct me if I'm wrong is eight years. Yeah. And he's like, but I'm spending $450 a month on gap. Like he had this whole math.

Like, I think it was running it by me before he ran it by his wife when he got home. Like it was like, Hey, and meanwhile I'm like sitting there, my neck is all crooked. I'm like,

can we just get back to fixing my neck please? Chiropractor. Uh, yeah. There's people. I saw on the news last night, like people are like stealing gas from people by drilling holes in the tank. Instead of the old fashioned. Yeah, the old siphon.

Yeah, do the work. Yeah, don't ruin somebody's car if you're going to steal their gas. Yeah, you can just like, you know, can't you get the little tank lid open with a screwdriver yeah yeah yeah come on thieves be like you know steal the gas sure yeah yeah please yeah i mean yours yeah also uh a cheap way to find gas that i remember this from being a teenager people's lawnmowers yeah they're very rarely secured and uh you know there's always just the gasoline sitting in those lawnmowers. Yeah, they're very rarely secured and there's always just the gasoline sitting in those lawnmowers. Also, barbecues. If you want a propane-powered car. There you go. Nothing could go wrong. Teslas must be affordable because I see one on every block now.

Are they in danger of going bankrupt? Or are they doing fine? I think their big, like their next car was supposed to be like the car that made them accessible to everyone and it's not going to happen. Like it's having big problems. Right. But aren't there like other cars, like now Honda just came out with their 100% electric cars. Like what makes Tesla so different? It's cool. It is cool. It is cool.

It is cool. Yeah. They got those, there's no handle on the door. Yeah. Yeah. Some of the doors go up like a seagull. See, that's stupid. What?

That's what they're called, aren't they? They're called gullwing doors. But you park and then there's a car next to you and you're just like, well, I'm stuck in my car. Yeah. Like, how do you get out of your car? No, it's true. You got to go somewhere where. You you're just like, well, I'm stuck in my car. Yeah. Like, how do you get out of your car? No, it's true. You got to go somewhere where you got to climb up the trunk, I guess.

Or out the window. And there's no overheards that are written. And we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the number is 1-844-779-7631. Seamless or one. Ugh. SpyPod one.

Like these people have. Hey julianne calling from ohio uh at my high school two students were having a conversation that i overheard um one was where's she at the other one uh replied don't you know she got arrested yesterday what yeah and they put the cuffs on her she was wearing your coat oh no my coat's in jail i'd be so pissed off if my coat was in jail. Can I borrow your coat? She got arrested in your coat. She probably got her mugshot done in your coat. Oh, man. All my enamel pins.

Yeah. Did they let you take your coat into the cell? I guess not. I guess they take away your coat and your laces. I mean. Not in the holding cell. I think you just go in and you're shit. Yeah.

And it's not until you get, you get either released. Yeah. Right. Or you go into prison. Yeah. You go into lockup. So you should. And then people go.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I guess I should always wear a jacket that's intimidating. Is that the. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, so I guess I should always wear a jacket. That's intimidating. Is that the, yeah. Safeguard also something with a file stitched into the lining.

Sure. And a cell phone. Why is it going to be stitched in? I can't just put it in there. Yeah. You got a stitch up your butthole or it'll fall right back out. Stitching time.

You got to dial nine to get out. Here's your next phone call. That was loud. Hello, two to three people. I was walking downtown Denver past the Marriott Hotel and the, uh, uh, bar, bar boy, bus boy, bell boy.

That's, uh, the bell boy was talking to someone. Did we call him? And he said, uh, I mean, sure. He makes a ton of money, but I'd rather have my dad. Uh, yeah. but I'd rather have my dad. Yeah, like, did we catch him? He was in the middle of a nap. Was he asleep? Yeah, that might have been it.

Sorry, is that good enough? Is that a good enough call? I'm real busy. I can't do it again. So what did the person say? He said, sure, he makes a lot of money, but I'd rather have my dad. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, you think he's talking about the people from the American Chopper show? They got in a big fight. Yeah. Sure, they all have a lot of money, but... But where's your dad? Yeah, where's your dad with his big mustache? Oh, it's the biggest mustache on television. I mean, they fashioned their handlebars

based on that mustache. Here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and honored guest. I haven't overheard. I was in a cafe with my sister not too long ago. And on the other side, it was like a small cafe, maybe five or six tables. So everybody could pretty much hear

everybody's conversations. And there was two gentlemen sitting at tables side by side. And one of them must have recognized the other one, and they were talking. And then very loudly we heard one gentleman say to the other one, oh, yeah, you used to wear one of those turban things. And the guy said, nope, nope, I never have. And that was it.

I remember you. You had a turban. I remember you. You had a turban. Oh, yeah. We were at Burning Man together. You were wearing a turban. A little jewel in the middle that lit up right before you punched me. That was Mike Tyson's punch-out. Yeah, I mean, it's a distinctive look,

and you would remember wearing one. But people don't often go from wearing one to not wearing one. No, that's true. But I guess you could go from not wearing one to wearing one. Absolutely. That's a logical step. Yeah. Um, yeah.

I've become less committed to my beliefs since you last saw me. Yeah. Yeah. I don't wear, you know, I'm just kind of a guy now. No, more like a trucker hat. Yeah. So we're assuming that he mistook one Indian guy for a different Indian guy. That's what I'm assuming.

Yeah. Rude. Rude. Very rude. Yeah. What I'm also assuming is he mistook a Middle Eastern guy for an Indian guy. I think he mistook. Never mind guy for an indian guy i think he mistook never mind i gotta stop right there um well erica that's the end of the show right there does it have to be

oh yeah we'll just keep it going okay this will be our first 24-hour marathon show all right we're just kidding i gotta get home and supervise some wall painting. And by supervise, I mean thank my husband for doing it. What color? White? No, it's not white. It is called. Egg shell.

Egg roux. It's like our, basically we've painted our apartment to look like a Starbucks. There's a lot of bamboo with some brown accents. Oh, nice. Got it. Yeah. Got a thing of sleeves on the counter. Yeah.

You've made the table small to discourage people hanging around. Giant vanilla pump. Yeah. I was just going to do a real stupid comment about kicking people out of our apartment. And then I decided that was a bad idea. That's twice you've stopped yourself in the last minute. and then I decided that was a bad idea. That's twice you've

stopped yourself in the last minute. Do you have anything upcoming that you would like to plug? This is a, this will come out on the,

this will come out, oh, let's call it a week and a half. Okay, in a week and a half. Well, June 29th,

I will be in Kelowna at Cedar Creek Winery with the fabulous Jennifer Grant. We're going to do an evening of comedy, and people can also drink wine, and it's raising money for the Kelowna Women's Shelter.

Nice. Yeah. You love wine. I love wine. I love women. I love comedy. Man, oh, man, what a night. Yeah.

Perfect night for you. So come join us there. June 29th? June 29th, Kelowna, British Columbia. Yeah. It's a, British Columbia. Yeah. It's a, you know, a beautiful early summer's night. Oh, yeah. And they make the wine right there.

And they're putting us up in a real nice resort. Maybe Jets in the bathtub kind of situation. Jetson? Yeah. Yeah. Jetson in the bathtub. Elroy, I guess. The smallest.

How tall was Elroy? Do you, are you going to do any grape stomping like that lady I love? Oh, fudge. I wish I could. The one that fell and broke her face? Yeah. Carrie Underwood. That's what happened to Carrie Underwood.

I can't breathe. I can't breathe. Oh. Oh. It was the thing where they cut back to the host of the studio. Oh, I think she's really hurt. Oh, man. Well, thank you for being our guest.

Thank you for having me. If you listeners out there want to find us online, you can go to the Twitter account, at Stop Podcasting. You can go to Reddit. Listen to This Sounds Serious, my other show. It's only eight weeks long, and I think we're two or three, no, three or four weeks in now. So get in if you haven't gotten in. It's fabulous. I love it. So much fun, and it sounds so good.

So, you know, get it. Yeah. This Sounds Serious. And it sounds so good. So, you know, get it. Yeah. This sounds serious. And if you like the show, please tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.