Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 534 - Ron Funches

Episode Date: June 11, 2018

Comedian Ron Funches joins us to talk fancy toilets, wrestling, and tiny planes.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 534 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's at a console of a whole different recording setup for this week, Mr. Dave Shumka. Hello, yeah we are, we had to be out of my house, so now we're at the studios of Kelly and Kelly. Yeah. Kelly Osbourne and Kelly Ripa. Oh, what would that show be like?

Well, I think Kelly Osbourne's really matured. Yeah, she's really matured, but Kelly Ripa, she's kind of silly. She's silly. She's silly, Ripa, is what she is. And yeah, so if it sounds different, well, it's because we're in a different place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're on the edge of downtown. Yeah, yeah. We're on the edge of downtown. Yeah, sure.

We're on the edge of 17. Yeah. Our guest today, a very funny comedian, actor, writer. Doodler. Doodler. A wrestling aficionado. San Antonio's number one son, Ron Funches is our guest. Hi.

Hello. Hi. Thank you so much for being a guest on the show. Thank you for having me. A pleasure. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

Ron, is this not your first time in Vancouver? No, I've been here several times. Yeah. Yeah. No, I'm from the Northwest. I started comedy in portland oregon so um as when i was in high school i thought about moving here and then you know yeah but then you read about you know lack of jobs yes oh i'll probably be just part of the

homeless population oh we got those yeah yeah yeah i was like oh i don't want to go join so i didn't come move here but i love it here it's a cool place it's like one of the um i feel like ahead of the curve at least for me as in they're the first people who are like come here and we we want to see you oh cool yeah so that's real cool um when you were a teenager thinking about moving here what did you what were you thinking you would be doing? Just smoking a lot of pot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We got that here.

Hanging out, enjoying the weather. Being homeless. I didn't have a big plan. No. What did you think when you were a teenager? Did you have an idea where you wanted to move? Yeah, I think I wanted to move here because this is the only place in canada where it doesn't snow and i'd had uh you know like

i never enjoyed the snow i never enjoyed skating or skiing or any of that kind of stuff so i just wanted to be away from snow are you forced to skate in other places? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Skate to work? Yeah, I had to skate. Skate to school. I had to skate to school. I had to ski to fit in. Yeah, me and my friend Olaf over here. But I, uh, do we, do we, did you think you were going to move somewhere? I mean, boy, I think I first i first uh when i heard that taylor

twist song welcome to new york that yeah it meant a lot to me that was a big that was a big album for you as a kid uh-huh um and do you miss portland you've been away from portland for a while now no no but like i don't mean it to sound like that. But it's just I don't really miss anywhere. I like to be wherever I'm at. I'm like, okay, this is where I'm at. This is home. And I like to carry my home with me.

It sounds super hippie-ish. No, I like that. Like a snail. Yeah. I'm just happy about my time. It was a beautiful time. And I love it. I miss my friends. But I don't wish to go back.

So you don't identify anywhere as hometown or home base? No. You're just wherever you are. Yeah, which can be detrimental when you want to have a big hometown show. Yeah, I'm back, guys. A bunch of people support you, and and they're like you don't claim anywhere but it's just i moved around a lot you know when i was a kid so i never really was like this is my hometown you're right and like uh uh do you have other hippie-ish leanings

yeah yeah would you would you classify yourself as a hippie no um i wouldn't say that because i love money but so maybe a yuppie what are your what are your hippie-ish leanings uh well i mean i smoke a lot of pot we know that um i lived on the oregon coast for a while that's very hippie-ish um i like tarot cards and and and things of that nature I'm real into like whatever metaphysical stuff that you can throw my way I'm into

what teach me about tarot cards yeah I don't know anything about tarot you don't know anything about tarot cards I know they are they're not like

52 cards in a deck yeah I know you can't play games with them and I've had it done for me but I don't know I haven't had that

but I don't know that the person who did it knew what they were doing. You know what I mean? That's a big deal. Yeah, yeah. Have you had it done? Can you do it? I can do it a little bit. Not well, and I'm not in practice at all.

Okay. But, like, you know what all the cards? I know what most of them mean, yes. I know what at least the major cards mean. What are, like, the top five cards? The top five. the top five your top five cards the top five tarots

I mean you want to see I want to see like the magician I want to see that card come up and that what does that mean that means like

you know you're in charge of your destiny that you're active in things and you can manifest things and magic

you know you can create things and magic, you know, you can create things. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They have a copper field. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, and then there's like the tower that comes up. That's a big car. That's like a lot about change and transition. It looks real scary. Cause it's like lightning hitting a tower and people falling out of it. But it's just means like,

you know, shit's changing. Right. Change is scary. Change is scary. The tower. So, which is like death. The death card is also the same thing. Is there one means like, you know, shit's changing. Change is scary. Change is scary. Is the tower, so. Which is like death. The death card is also the same thing.

Is there one like artwork for all kinds of tarot cards or is like, can you buy like a themed, like a Star Wars themed deck? Yeah, definitely. Okay. You can definitely buy a bunch of themed decks and then there's like a tradition, what's called like a traditional Rider Waite deck

or something like that. Yeah. You don't have to give all five i was no i don't have any i was pulling your leg moving on uh palm reading stuff like that no no i've never done that no tea leaps no that sounds fun yeah just it there's just there's a lot of uh there's a lot of tarot card and palm readers in vancouver yeah yeah there's like kind of one in i feel like there's like one in every neighborhood. Yeah.

And like your neighborhood really isn't complete until you have a palm reader. Palm reader. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm scared to go in because I think they're just going to tell me I'm going to die horribly. That's what I think is going to happen. So you know. You already have an intuition.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So then I already know. I'm just trying to avoid the confirmation. Oh, brother. They don't use the crystal balls, do they? Not that I'm familiar with, but I would.

That's not fun. That's like the... I would wear a little turban. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. Put a jewel in my hat. And maybe have something that makes some sort of smoke. Yeah, the theatrics of it, I think.

Yeah, part of it, but I'm selling it. What do those stores smell like? Like Nag Champa usually. Yeah, yeah. They smell like Nag Champa and then usually Freemonstration. Sure. Just free bleeding over there. There's something you said about manifesting your own destiny. I saw on Twitter that around the new year that you do like kind of a vision board thing with your friends.

Yeah. That's awesome. I've never done that because, again, I think that my vision board would be me dying horribly. Why would that be your vision board? Why would you? What magazine are you pulling pictures out of? I don't know. It's all from Fangoria.

Sorry. Is that something you do every year? Yeah. Yeah, it's kind of my New Year's Eve tradition. That's the word I was looking for. That was too long to find. Yeah, it's my New Year's Eve tradition. I've been doing it about two or three years now.

I don't really drink so we just have a bunch of friends come over we smoke a bunch of pot and hang out

and we just get some magazines out get the crafts out get the markers out get the glue

sticks out get the glitter out and we make our little vision boards and then we

present them to each other and tell each other what we what we want because that's a big part of it is being willing to say it out loud is that is that the scary part because that to me is uh it is very freaky yeah it is but it's like i mean that's a big part of it because you know we all have goals we all have aspirations but a lot of times you're either afraid to say it or you're afraid to fail at it and a lot of with this vision board thing is like you probably will fail at it and just have it as a goal because even because a lot of things a lot of these goals are even like very superficial like a lot of times

i'm like oh i just want this bed or i want this toilet yeah i want this toilet that's in this bed yeah but a lot of times that leads me to be like okay i can't buy those things unless i take care of this first right this first is there a when you're doing tarot cards is there a toilet card and what does it represent there is a toilet card you really reach for that one the uh uh so yeah it's like if you say i want this thing then there's all these intermediate steps that whether or not you actually get the thing you've bettered yourself because you you've made these steps to put you close at least closer to it and a lot of things take a lot of patience. And there's so many hours and so many fucking days.

And so it's nice to have, like, it's in my bedroom when I wake up. I'm like, it's there. So I'm like, okay, this is. So you reference it throughout the year. This is like, this is an ongoing. And then do you check in at the end of the year and say, this is kind of the balance sheet? Yeah.

Cool. Usually about half of it is taken care of and half of it gets moved over to next year that's pretty good a whole half yeah i know yeah i know i gotta start maybe i'll do that i mean people make resolutions and they i don't know if they fulfill half no no i don't think i've ever stuck with a resolution past march that's march is the real give up month i feel like st patrick's day's in there yeah yeah that's the real falling off because your resolution is always like don't wear green yeah don't wear don't go green don't get in a street fight yeah Yeah. That's a cool

thing to do. It's like a marker for the year. Do you ever set yearly goals? I've done resolutions. Ever stuck to them? Kind of. Like the one I had this year is like I want to not eat meat one day a week.

And it's harder than you think because I eat meat all the time without even thinking. And so I think more than half of the weeks I've, and actually like I've ended up being, if I know that one day, or if I don't know what I'm going to have for dinner one day, I'll have a

vegetarian lunch just in case dinner ends up being vegetarian. So in the aggregate I probably, you know. So either way you've made yourself better even if you haven't necessarily hit that goal. I mean, I don't know if it's better.

But you feel better. Well, I mean, I'm, I still refuse to acknowledge that vegetarians are better than us. Yeah,

I get that. Not vegans. You know, they usually just eat fries and they're fat anyway. And it's just like, okay, you're

not healthy just making me eat food i don't like yeah you're right you would look what i made out of a mushroom yeah but i carved out of an onion made a blooming onion out of a mushroom can i get that with hummus instead of the ranch what would you put on your vision board, though? I wouldn't want, I want, no. If you put, okay, both, three things. Three goals. Three goals.

It could be career-wise or, you know, family-wise or just something you want to buy. Like, what's something you really want purchased? Like, I want this Nuumi toilet that lifts up automatically. Oh, boy. Plays classical music. It's a toilet with a remote control. Is this a Japanese toilet?

Mm-hmm. Yeah. Numi? Yeah, yeah. Okay. N-U-M-I? Mm-hmm. Yeah.

I'm a big fan. Like, I wasn't thinking about a Japanese toilet, but now I kind of am. I really want one. Yeah, yeah. You're lifting it up by yourself. Yeah. I'm like, touching that underneath. You know you're touching piss and pubes.

You know? You know it. Pubes. Yeah. Yeah. No, you're right. You're touching everybody. Yeah, it's weird that we never in the West ever came up with some sort of pedal system.

Yeah. Because that seems more like, the Japanese seems like it would be automatic. I mean, Jimi Hendrix probably had like a Wawa toilet, I think. Oh, cool. I'd like to lose some weight. Okay. Yeah, that's one. How much would you like to lose?

Oh, I have to be specific. Yeah, that's really the point of it. That's the point. Like, not to just like lose a pound and be like, done. Yeah, I did it. Yeah. Yeah, I sweated it out. Let's say 20 pounds.

Okay. Yeah. Okay. Lose 20 pounds and... Oh, Graham. And now I'm trying to think of something that I'd like to buy. Something you want. Yeah.

Because I don't feel like you'd have to think about it that much. What's something you want? I don't really... There's no things that I want. You don't feel like you'd have to think about it that much what's something you want i don't really uh there's no things that i want you know see something nothing's crushed i mean because i don't understand like i don't care for cars or anything like that nothing my son loves cars but there's nothing part of me like where i'm like oh we need to go buy a new car right but like i do want this toilet you know i mean the amount of talk about this toilet makes me kind of want this toilet yeah yeah um so i'm gonna go on the i'm gonna say i want that toilet i'm gonna take one of his i'm gonna i'm gonna take the i want the things that they after they did the heist in uh the italian job yeah i want a house in spain okay i want an Aston Martin and then the speakers that's...

That's one of my goals. I want to buy my son. That's his favorite car. Aston Martin? Yeah. Nice. There's a specific one. I don't remember exactly.

He will tell me. But I think it's 2006. Oh. I think it's called a DBS or a DB9. Something with a DB in there. But I want to get...

That's like a big vision board thing for me is like, if I could get that to him for his 16th birthday, which gives me about a year from now. Okay.

To make a couple hundred grand of free money. Free money. So that's on my list. I don't know if it'll happen, but I hope it does. That's great. That's a good,

so you can have on your list something for somebody else. Yeah. Well, see, I didn't even consider that. Oh, boy, yeah. Yeah, I thought this was all. Because I would like to.

I have a friend who has a lot of student loan debt. I'd love to be able to pay that off for him. That's a good goal. Because then that means you also need to be financially free before you could afford to do that. Yeah. And not there yet. Vision board. I like this.

This feels like I've done something with my day. Nice. Is that three? Toilet? I guess so. My wife and I have two cars, but we don't have enough car seats. You're always transferring car seats. Yeah, but we don't have enough car seats. So it's a lot of like,

You're always transferring car seats. Yeah, but it's also just like, you know, in a few months, we won't need it. So it's just like, that's I feel like my day-to-day is like, I don't have a big thing I want. I just have a bunch of like little things I'm riding out.

Like, just like, I got this big payment that's due on this thing and it'll be fine, but I won't have any money for a while. Right. So it's just like,

I guess I just want a bunch of cash. Nice. How much cash? I'm like, what do you put in an account? What do you mean? It's on the account.

What's a good amount to just have free in checking? I think Pete Holmes said 80,000 in checking yeah wow

oh boy you made it weird he said that's what makes he says you're rich if you have 80,000 in checking free cash

what about savings I think you want I don't know maybe that I don't know there was that weird number that came out that said by 35 you should have

twice your earnings and savings. Yeah, twice your yearly earnings and savings. I don't. Oh, man. Money's one of those things that's tough to talk about, right? Yeah. Do you have problems talking with them? No, not usually, unless people get weird or jealous.

Yeah. But that's it, though, right? It's because you don't know whoever you're talking to might be. Yeah. They might get weird. Yeah. Yeah. But usually they present themselves, you know?

Because I don't even. I mean, like, you know, I've been on every. I'm not rich, but I've definitely been super poor. I think the tax, I filed taxes, the lowest amount I've ever filed for a year. A full adult man with a wife and child. I made $7,000 for one year. Wow. So I know what it's like to be super poor. And was that $7,000 from comedy stuff?

Comedy, and I think I had a regular job for like a month okay like that what was the last regular job you had last regular job i had was working at a was um well lady liberty tech sign dancer people i don't know if you guys would have those oh yeah yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Very American. Yeah. But, yeah. Like standing on the side of the road with a sign. Yeah. That was my last.

I would call that not a regular job. Yeah, people would say that. So before that, I worked at a bank call center. So that would probably be my last regular job. But the last non-show business job

was Lady Liberty. I say that's show business. I mean, that is the bottom stuff. It is a little bit say that's show business yeah yeah yeah yeah i was performing you gotta find your light you gotta oh i was popular people taking pictures that's great were you good at it were you able to flip around the signs i didn't really flip with it as much as i grooved with it okay he's really made a show out of it. Sure. And how long is a shift? Shift is about three to five hours. And you can listen to music? Yeah.

Okay. Yeah. I would just listen to the mix I would make, and when it went through five times, I knew I was done. Nice. Yeah. There was a guy just in front of a car dealership here, and I'd see him all the time time and I'd say hello to him.

He'd say hi back, but he was always dressed like Spider-Man. And he was not in Spider-Man shape, but he really, he really worked that costume. And he was, I feel like the costume might've been his choice. I feel like the car dealership.

Dress for the job you want. Yeah. Spider-Man. Yeah. Don't dress for the job you want. Yeah. Spider-Man. Yeah. Don't dress for the job you have. Yeah. So you don't care about cars.

You don't care about any of that kind of stuff. I don't care about cars. I mean, I think I have fun goals. I'd like to smoke weed in a luxury vehicle. Cool. That to me is fun. How do you put that on a vision board? Do you have to find a picture of? Yeah, a picture of a Rolls Royce or whatever, and then smoke coming out.

Do you draw the smoke, or is it glitter? I would smoke weekly. Cotton balls. Oh, cool. Yeah, smart. But that's a goal. That's a goal of mine. So my three goals are $80,000.

Got it. Another $100,000 on top of that, and, I don't know, $50 million. Okay. Wow. You went way up. Well, I don't want to have to make this vision board every year. I just want to go big once.

And plus, if I get halfway there, that's pretty good. I'm trying to, in my mind, I'm trying to imagine the circumstances under which you would be able to smoke pot in a luxury vehicle because i own it oh but like i'm trying to think of is there a way around owning it where you could just smoke in it maybe a friend of mine owns it yeah or a test drive yeah yeah or just like you rent yeah rental but that seems like uh like a a weird sort of,

like you make a deal with the devil. Like, I want to smoke weed in a luxury vehicle. And they're like, go ahead. It's a dandelion. In a rented, whatever, Rolls Royce. Oh, darn it. Like a monkey's paw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or some Twilight Zone thing. But why? Do you want to talk about money? Or why? No, no. No. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or some twilight zone thing. Um, but what, what'd you want to talk about money or why? No, no, no. I was just,

what's your favorite amount of money? A lot. I like a lot of it. I like to get a lot of it for very little effort. Yeah. Possible. Um, that's why it's fun to stay on TV.

Yeah. Um, uh, speaking of TV, you are, you TV, you are on my daughter's favorite show. Oh, cool. The Trolls animated series. You play Cooper. Yes, I do. I have some questions about Cooper.

Okay. Because all the trolls are, they're like bipedal. They have long hair. Cooper is like a little horse guy with a hat yeah what's cooper's deal cooper's got his own deal cooper's got secrets cooper's got past he's a little different he doesn't feel at home with the trolls and that's probably why he's always so jokey and weird you know you never really get let in to see exactly what cooper's really thinking and maybe they'll tell you about it in the future sequel of the movie.

Because the trolls are very, well, they're very huggy. Okay. They're very open with their feelings. Their feelings are always happy, except for Branch. Branch is a grump. He's a grump. Okay. But Cooper is, is Cooper the only one like Cooper?

Pretty much, yeah. Huh. And Cloud Guy. Is Cloud Guy a troll? Cloud Guy is a cloud guy. Uh-huh. He's not necessarily huh and cloud guys cloud guy a troll cloud guy is a cloud guy he's not necessarily a troll but cooper is a troll trooper's a troll are there any others that aren't bipedal are there any ones no cooper's very special okay yeah and it will there be a future trolls movie uh chance the rappers in it oh whoa yeah cool is je the Rapper's in it. Oh, whoa. Yeah, cool. Is Jeffrey Tambor in it?

I don't think so. He was in the first one. Did he yell at you? No, because it's like separate things. I worked with him on Transparent. He didn't yell at me then,

but he was very intense. I could see that he could yell at people, but he's definitely intense. I'm the Jeffrey Tambor of this podcast. Are you? I can see that.

Yeah. Well, I started shaving my, just the top of my head. Saying, hey now. Because you work with a lot of different types of actors. Yeah. A lot of different types of shows. I don't know anything of the acting world.

But dealing with intense actors, how do you do it? It's not that hard usually because I'm only usually there for like a day or two. I'm not there other times. And so you kind of just are like I'm a guest in their world, you know? Right. And my job is to just kind of nail my scene and leave and just kind of should add to whatever their story is right um but it taught me a lot taught me a lot about as far as like continuing to focus on stand-up and because a lot of times especially when i was on a sitcom you talk to like network people and i just be like

oh it's so cute that you still do stand-up like you why why and i was just like well because if i don't when this show gets canceled which it will and did uh i'm just waiting around for you to give me another job right instead of just going back to work on my own now at a higher price because people saw me on tv so they only thought of stand-up as a means to an end. Like, you're here. Why would you continue to do the thing? Well, who are the lists of famous people who never went back to stand-up? Eddie Murphy.

Eddie Murphy. Robin Williams always did it. Yeah. That's about it, really. Ellen, but she's coming back. Yeah. And she kind of did it in between things. And she, yeah, I mean.

Well, Roseanne. Yeah, but no one would say that she was a road warrior beforehand, you know? She just had a gimmick. Yeah. Oh, man, I need a gimmick. We're pre-taping this, and the Roseanne show is doing great this won't be out for a couple weeks

and I'm just really excited that it's doing well yeah her twitter feed is fire oh yeah yeah it's real

provocative but like she's you know she's not saying she's not saying anything that people aren't thinking yeah not yet anyway

yeah as far as we know as far as we know as far as we know what are you foreshadowing I don't know anything I mean I just like you know when you ride the razor's edge

the way that she does yeah yeah yeah she'll be fine America's sweetheart you know yeah yeah as I was watching just coincidentally

I watched a movie last night that you were in briefly. A movie called Once Upon a Time in Venice. Okay. And you did a scene with Bruce Willis. Do you remember this? And he's like. I didn't until right now.

It was a while ago and they think they changed the name a couple of times. Okay. But yeah, I'm an escort. Yeah. Yeah. And Bruce Willis is like famously kind of like a grouch. Yeah. He's awesome.

Was he awesome super awesome oh that's so nice to hear I'm a real I'm a real big Bruce Willis fan everybody has different things and I'm maybe because

we only worked a little bit but he was super nice because I'm walking around in hills yeah yeah yeah and one of the first things he says to me

was because he knew that I hadn't been acting that long was that he was like you know around close-ups they probably can't see your feet you can take off those heels thank you that's awesome yeah oh man see like because i i'm a big bruce willis fan and then

i would hear things that he's like real real cantankerous and real grouchy and uh and then it's nice to hear that he's just like he's more the bruce willis i have in my head kind of sarcastic guy but you know like he's gonna be the next comedy central roast i think really yeah i feel like he's too big for it though bruce willis yeah they don't usually have movie stars. They have like... Presidents. Future presidents and like, kind of like you know, kind of people who are already punchlines. Yeah. And then Rob Lowe. Yeah, I mean

they're scratching, you know. What are you going to do? Who cares about any... Nobody cares about any of these people. Graham's a big Bruce Willis fan, I'm discovering. Yeah, but do you really want to watch people Who don't know him Roasting Yeah yeah

Oh that's true It used to be Like the roast was like Your butts Yeah Right And now it's just like Eh this guy's agent

He's got the same agent As Bruce Willis Yeah We'll write jokes We'll have real comedians Write jokes for whoever And you guys Just recite them

I hate the roast I'm a big anti-roast guy. In general or just those famous ones? Just these roasts. Yeah. Yeah, I like the Dean Martin roast.

I love those. I love the roast of the past, the Richard Pryor roast. Yeah. Amazing because they're friends and they're really funny comedians. I don't like these roasts.

What about roast battles? I like roast battles. I like roast battles. It's fun. What about roast beef? I love roast beef as long like roast battles. It's fun. What about roast beef? I love roast beef. As long as it's not too pink. I don't like it when it's

like real rare. I don't like that. Are we talking about roast beef for like a roast dinner or like on a sandwich? I was thinking sandwich. Okay.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about a beef dip? Is that roast beef? Yeah. Like an Italian beef? You guys ever have those here? No, we only have Canadian beef. Yeah, Italian beef is like a spicy Italian beef sandwich,

and you dip it in this au jus sauce, and it's really delicious. Delicious. I'm learning. I'm learning. A galaxy of things here. I can have that six days a week under my new conditions. You also, I read, you've gone to wrestling school? Mm-hmm.

Really? Yeah. Cool. What is that? How did this journey begin? Well, you know, comedy is just too stable of a career once you cleared that seven thousand dollar barrier and it's like okay now

yeah something i won't make money and possibly break my neck yeah uh i just love wrestling i love wrestling if people know me, know that, usually, because that's usually all I'm talking about on Twitter. And when I was a kid, that's what I wanted to do. I only wanted to either be a comedian or a wrestler. And then I had a friend who passed away last year. And, you know, you know how those type of things. I don't know if you've had that happen, but you're like, oh, oh, people die.

My friends die. I will die. And so if there's things I want to do, I should try them now while I'm young and healthy because I will not be alive later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I was like, I should go to wrestling school because I've always wanted to do it. And I have the money to and I have the ability to and I had lost a bunch of weight. So I was like, and that was also a big part of it because, you know, I lost about right now it's like 140 ish pounds.

And you lost 140 pounds. My good. Thank you. Congratulations. Where did it go? Down that fancy toilet. Yeah. Yeah.

Mostly. Congratulations. Where did it go? Down that fancy toilet. Yeah, mostly. And it was just also weird to, I'd find myself not thinking that I could fit in the places that I could fit because I was used to being a certain size and I wasn't fully aware of my body and its capabilities or limits. And I felt that going and throwing myself around on a mat and grappling with people

would help me realize what my body is capable, where it begins, where it ends right now. Yeah. Slamming it against people. So like, are you still in the school? Yeah, I go once a week. That's awesome. Yeah, a couple hours a day, once a week. And this is a school that's dedicated specifically to training pro wrestlers.

Pro wrestlers, called Santino Brothers. They have a great reputation for being safe and having some good wrestlers coming out of there. And my trainer's really good. His name's Tyler Bateman. He's a really good wrestler, local indie guy that you see all over the U.S. And, yeah, it's been real cool. Are you going to, like, have a match?

Are you going to? Hopefully. Really? I know Rush, you know. But you're open to it? I mean, it's on the board. Oh, it's on the board. Nice.

Yeah, I'd like to have at least one match. That would be great. What was the, like, first day? Was it the most terrifying thing? It was the worst. What was the very first thing they teach you in wrestling school? Do a bunch of squats. Yeah.

They have you do a lot of squats. I feel like it's the kind of thing where they don't teach you anything for a while. They just punish you. Yeah. Climb stairs. For a while. And yeah. And the first day was rough.

And then being like, because at first day was rough and then being like because at first I was doing it three days a week and so it was like going on Monday and then being like oh I'm dead and then being like

oh I have to go back on Wednesday yeah and then they do more and I think the worst day was when they just were like squats

and then they're like 75 and then they were like you guys aren't uniform we're gonna keep going and then I think we didn't stop until 300 and my legs were like, you guys aren't uniform. We're going to keep going. And then I think we didn't stop until 300 and my legs were just, I'm 300.

I mean, they weren't squats anymore for me. I'm just like, I will make emotions. Yeah, yeah, I'm moving my head like I'm squatting. Wow, that's really cool. It's something like, because i grew up in calgary and alberta yeah and i don't yeah and stew hart was still operating his school when i was a kid and uh we went on a school trip to his like dungeon place oh that's amazing yeah yeah yeah a school field trip yeah to the Stu Hart dungeon

cause his quite a few of his sons are teachers in Calgary so it wasn't it wasn't uncommon so they just wanted to go home

yeah yeah yeah this was their way of getting home do some laundry you kids just busy yourself with grandpa over there

that grandpa stretch you out for a while and that's what he would do you kids just busy yourself with grandpa over there walking to the laundry that grandpa stretch you out for a while and that's what he would do he would just

he would just hurt guys yeah he would just make adult men scream scream yeah

rip something tear something yeah yeah and that that seems scarifying yeah it's a little

different now especially because I came in and was like clear to them. It was like, look, I'm not going to be a wrestler. Right.

I want to do this. I want to get in the best shape of my life. I'd love to have a match. I'm a comedian. Right. That's my job. I've already made sacrifices

for my job. I don't want to make them to do this job. That's good. And that's what a lot of it was. Because you go to class, before I went from three days to one day, they'd just be like,

you got to keep going, keep going. You might want to think about quitting your job. I go, I already did all this when I was 22 I don't want to do it again it would be great if one of the

things was like yeah if you really want to be a wrestler you gotta stand outside with a sign for the wrestling school spinning around

a bunch oh they do I mean they show up early and help build the ring. Oh, yeah. All that type of stuff.

Oh, sure. But that's cool. Would you just wrestle under your own name? Yeah, definitely. I'd probably give myself a moniker of some type. But yeah, I mean, I gotta use my name so that people go to both. They come to my match and then also come see me at the improv. Cross-pollination. yeah yeah yeah that's really uh i mean really cool what name oh okay

yeah i mean like if if if it's open to can we all just like make suggestions you want to pitch your name i mean i don't have anything off top my head, but I think this will be a good workshop. Yeah, yeah. What's your wrestling style? Definitely brawler, a lot of 80s stuff, a lot of headlocks, a lot of rest holds. A lot of things that are just me cinching in a chin lock and then just catching my breath. Yeah, just taking it easy for a minute. A couple slams. You know, I'll run once or twice.

Run easy rider funches. That's pretty good. Easy rider. I like that. I like that. Like, you come out to some kind of real smooth music. Nothing too raucous. You're wearing a robe.

You take it off. There's a robe underneath. Nice. Two robes. Yeah. Robes. Two robes. So two robes funches. Yeah. Two robes. Two robes. So two robes punches.

Yeah. Like two chains. I like it. So we got easy rider or two robes. Yeah. It's like a nice, like a, you know, a ravishing Rick Rude. Yeah. Like a silk one.

Oh yeah. You take it off and it's just like, you know, your bathrobe. And I wrestle in that. That's a, that's really cool I would because as a kid I wanted to be a wrestler too but I didn't have the grades for it to get into wrestling school

high bar yeah and I wrestled like I did like you know weird school wrestling yeah and then realized very quickly like this isn't the wrestling

i want to do um but then uh it just seemed like you have to be in such good shape yeah and that's like it but also similar to comedy you know when you're seeing wrestling at its highest level it seemed you're seeing comedy at its highest level and if you were to first start you'd be like oh i could never be a comedian because i could never be like these guys but then you go to an open mic and you're like oh oh yeah yeah some people are really good some people suck yeah and hopefully i can just fight my way towards the top and you know be in the middle for a little bit yeah and that's kind of like wrestling school where you go in there and you're like, okay, some of these guys have clear futures in this

and this is their goals. And then a lot of them are just wrestling fans like me and just want to do it and have some disposable money or in their early 20s and they don't know what they want to do yet. And some of them are just like super fat. And you're just like,

I don't know how this is going to work. There's probably a lot of strength under there though. Yeah. Actually, truly. Yeah. Everybody in the class is very, very strong.

I mean, there's nothing quite like being in ring shape, having to like grapple with someone and wrestle and still, cause a lot of it is like you're grappling and you're still acting, you know? So it's like, Oh yeah. Well, that's the, that is like you're grappling and you're still acting, you know? So it's like, Oh yeah. Well that's the,

that's like the, how do you, do they teach you how to like stay in character? Yeah, in character. A little bit.

It's about staying forceful and pushing people and just making it look more vicious than it is. Right. And just staying in, and that's what they, you know,

that's actually, that's the only part I've been naturally good at I haven't been naturally good at any other but that isn't that like

the biggest part is the cell and they always talk about somebody like Ric Flair was so good at the cell

yeah no I'm good at making noises and staying in character but I'm not good at rolls or flips

or yeah let the let your opponent do all that for you. Making noises. I'll make a lot of noises. I'll be really strong. Yeah. And I'll make all the noises and I'll beg, I'll beg, please leave me alone.

You can do some running. You can do all the running. You can throw me up against the ropes and that. Classic Harley Wright. Once you finish, I'll move. all the running you can throw me up against the ropes and that classic Harley Wright my move would be my move would be that thing where they do what's the whip Irish whip

where they throw you against the ropes I would throw the guy against the ropes and then when he comes back you know sometimes they crouch down and the guy runs over them

I would just keep lying down on the ground hoping he would just run back and forth just tire himself out yeah trip over you yeah lying down on the ground hoping he would just run back and forth just tire himself out yeah yeah trip over you

yeah but that's cool that you would actually do a match yeah please I'd love to alright

please I think he's challenging you alright I mean I gotta lose this no you look good you look like you're ready to wrestle

I do look like I'm ready to wrestle it's true you look like a little Mick Foley. I'll take that in the spirit. Mickey Foley. Yeah, my babysitter, Mickey Foley.

How long have we... We're 40. Oh, okay. It's moving along pretty good. We get to know each other. Yeah, sure. Dave, what's going on with you? My wife and daughters are out of town

at the moment. And so I've been, I haven't had this kind of freedom in years. Masturbating all over the house. Just putting testosterone everywhere. In rooms you didn't even

conceive of doing. Sure, yeah. I've added an addition to the house for that. And so, so well first of all i uh it's the house is so quiet that i didn't realize how bad the ringing in my ears is oh no like oh i think i have some pretty severe tinnitus oh no yeah really well i mean not severe but just like it's never like even when it's silent i'm like i still hear stuff so huh might i have to have the old brain looked at is that

tinnitus is in the brain or no it's the ears it's the it's i think i heard you know what get your brain looked at while you're in our time together i don't think it could hurt yeah yeah um i think i think what I was told when I was a kid was like, that ringing in your ears is the little hairs in your ears. That's the sound of them dying. Oh, really? Turning gray. Yeah, yeah.

But you know what? You just need to put a little Just For Men on a Q-tip and you're good to go. And the other thing is, well, I mean, I haven't been able to watch TV for years. Like, I have a backlog, or DVR is just full of things that, oh, one day, when the kids are

older, I'll watch. When I have two hours. The Soprano. What's the show The West Wing all about? Yeah. Archie Bunker seems like he's really pissing some people off so I watched this

on the wrestling topic I watched the Andre the Giant documentary oh yeah have you seen it? no well it's really good

it's short because it didn't live very long that's true but he did a lot in those years. He did. Yeah. He really packed it in.

And he had, it was a condition where he just grew and grew, but it only started when he was like 15. He wasn't a big kid. Oh. So I thought he was like giant his whole life. But then he took off. Yeah. Puberty.

Oh, yeah. French puberty. French puberty. Yeah. It's. Oh, yeah. French puberty. French puberty. Yeah. It's more sophisticated. You grow a little mustache. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now there's like a surgery or something that you can do.

They can remove the gland. Yeah. And if they can catch it earlier, probably they can detect it earlier. Right. Which is too bad. They could have done it for him too. He didn't want to. They could have done it for him? He didn't want to They could have

Done it for him Oh really Even at a young age Not at a young age But later on in life And he was just like No I'm No I think he was

Interested He didn't He A lot of that to him Is also what made him special He didn't want to Change who he was Yeah fair enough

Also But also not the great idea Cause it means Your bones kept growing And he just kept growing and grew through his body. You know? Yeah.

There's another wrestler who had the same issue. The Big Show. It's giant. Oh, it's the Big Show, same thing? Yeah.

Okay. But he got the surgery so he stopped growing. Hmm. But like, he's still a giant. Yes. Yeah.

So he got it like quite. Well, he got it, but that's the reason why like when you see Andre, if you, when you watch it, like when he's younger, he's still a giant yeah yeah so he got it like quite well he got it but that's the reason why like when you see andre if you when you watch it like when he's younger he's still very athletic yeah and then lean giant and lean but as he gets older not only is his body heavier his bones are thicker yes face transforms right yeah because his bones kept growing right and like they said when he broke his ankle the doctor was like uh his ankle was as big as a regular man's knee.

Whoa. And then as an ankle doctor specialist, that's the biggest. Well, they had to get a horse ankle doctor. And you know what they do? They shoot the horses. Don't they? Yeah. Now, but like, do you wait?

Do you try and find the sweet spot of like when you. oh how big you want to be yeah yeah you've grown to a certain gigantic how bone how bony you want your bones yeah or like because he didn't get it when he was a teenager uh or this like the big show he waited until he was a giant giant man and then he got the surgery. Yeah, how big, put that on your vision board. How big do you want to be this year? Oh, boy. Yeah, you can go the other way with it. Yeah, I want to lose 20 pounds and gain four feet.

I always, I've always been fond of the idea of gaining height. Yeah. As opposed to just losing weight. I never cared about it. It never been a thing. I feel like,

I mean, it seems naturally true that people like taller people. They seem like they take them more seriously. You're a taller people. I don't feel like so. But I feel like

statistically, how tall are you? 5'11". Okay. But you, I'd say you're, you're in the taller people bracket. Yeah, sure.

But you have that kid and play flat top. Put me at 6'1". Yeah. Yeah. But it's fun. rackman yeah sure but you had you have that uh kid and play flat top it puts me that six one yeah uh yeah but it's fun i've always like not always but i've been prone to date women that were taller than me like six foot two six foot three right and i love it yeah yeah that's uh i mean yeah i don't know why i think because i I'm, uh, I think I'm average height, but I feel like I'm on the shorter end of the scale. I feel like I have this weird,

like mental status thing where I remember people as always being taller than me, even if they were shorter, just cause I'm like, Oh, this guy is more accomplished or whatever. Like he's like Danny DeVito, one of the tallest men, Danny DeVito.

He's so What a man And then I I think I think of our time together I think of him as such a A giant He was But he was my giant

Yeah yeah yeah That was one funny part of the Andre the Giant thing Is like they had Billy Crystal and Rob Reiner And everyone from the princess bride just talking about how under the giant couldn't talk like right you can't understand anything he says

in the princess bride and is it was that be something to do with his size yeah yeah the speech thing as well from deep yeah yeah yeah yeah i yeah. I don't think French people could understand. They talked about his farts. That's a big part of it, yeah. That he had giant farts? Yeah. And they talked about how it sounded like skin was flapping together for 30 seconds.

He'd get on an elevator and fart for a 30 second fart. Wow. I mean, that's exaggerated though. That's one of those mythical things. But that would be like farting a whole ride up an elevator and fart for 30 like a 30 second fart wow i mean that's exaggerated though that's one of those mythical things but that would be like farting a whole ride up an elevator really i mean these were 80s elevators oh yeah a little slower a little slower a little more depeche mode playing in them um so you saw this documentary yeah uh what else did you catch up on uh the only other thing is like i'm up at 5 45 anyway my body just has this like rhythm now yeah from the children and so i'm like uh i've just been going

swimming in the mornings nice so bad at it i'm like it's the most tiring like like, it's a great workout, but it's also like a survival instinct is going, because you're trying not to drown. Yeah, yeah. What's your stroke? I jack off. Nice. Yeah. Oh, yeah, this is your time. This is the season.

No, it's... Rehouse. Well, no, I've basically been like, I just tried the front crawl. Yeah. And that is the one that's resting his eye on the microphone. I'm a little sleepy. That's fine. The freestyle front crawl.

And that is the one that really is like tires you out. At least then I'll try the backstroke and I'm like, oh, I don't even need to use my hands. Yeah. Yeah. You just kind of float. Yeah. Yeah. You just wiggle.

And then I'll go in the front with just like a kickboard just because otherwise I'm done in 10 minutes. It's like, I can't do this anymore. Just to prolong, just to make it worth getting out of bed. But don't you like, because the way that I see the old people do it at the pool, is they'll do a couple lengths, and they go take some time off in the hot tub for a while. Yeah. They sit in the hot tub for a while, talk with their friends, then they go do another length of the pool.

They get out again. I can't do that thing where I'm swimming in a relaxed way. I have to go 100, like I'm sprinting the entire time. I can't just have a where like i'm swimming in a relaxed way i have to go 100 like i'm sprinting the entire time i can't just like have a nice easy stroke because it just and by the time i'm tired out i feel like it must look so bad because like in at the beginning i turn my head to breathe and now at the by the time i'm done like my whole body is twisting to get. Oh, God. How long was I in there? Lifeguard.

So, yeah, that's been waking up early, staying up late, watching documentaries. Watching whatever you want. Swimming. You're living a teenage life. I really am. Oh, man. I've joined a high school swim team Oh cool Yeah

Yeah The Speedos The fighting Speedos What's going on with you? This past week I had to go do I had to go do a show On the island

Which meant that Myself And a bunch of other comedians Had to fly on a tiny little plane oh yeah um was this a debater show yeah okay and so uh so if that plane had gone down real real day the music died situation for laughing for laughing who's getting the headline headline who's being like that's a really good question plus friends yeah yeah yeah it was you

Ivan Decker Charlie Demers Erica Sickert I think Ivan Decker Ivan Decker just won the Juno award yeah yeah yeah I thought it would have been

Juno award winner Ivan Decker and friends yeah and well wishers but there was that was very much like present in mind every time because these planes they dip a lot oh yeah and you get that kind of roller coastery but it's only like a

10 minute flight right uh 40 minutes whoa yeah 40 minutes of like uh pretty whoa yeah yeah yeah part of the island victoria. Really? Huh. Yeah. And you know, like, you get on a big plane. There's like all sorts of safety. This is where the emergency exit. Please pay attention to the thing. These things you just get in and they're like, is everybody in? Okay, let's go.

I've been on one of those where they just held up an iPad and showed like the video is like, here's, yeah, yeah. You ever been on one of those where they just held up an iPad and showed like the video is like, yeah. Yeah. You ever been on a private plane? No. You? Once. Wow.

The fun. What was the situation? Promoting the sitcom I was on. Okay. Doing a tour. It's super fun because you could bring drugs. Nobody's ever done that. No.

When you go on a private plane This is And there's like Payday bars Yeah of course Regular treats Payday bars I thought that was like Like a bar you go up to

And people give you money They're like Whoa That is cool You're stuck on money I don't Do we have payday bars here? You can get them

Okay Yeah What are they? Caramel peanuts? Come on. Just do it in context. Put a different candy bar that you like. I know.

Put a coffee crisp in there. Okay. I just want to talk about what a payday bar is. Put some gummies in there. When you go on a payday, it's like nougat and caramel and just covered in peanuts. Yeah. Isn't that the slogan? Almost totally nuts.

Really? Yeah, I think so. Oh, wow. When you get on a private plane, you have to go through the airport or no? They just cut that out. You just go on the runway. Yeah. It's a different airport.

Is it a different airport? Yeah. Jeremy Piven's there. Cool. See, this is all stuff that I never considered. I've seen it in movies and TV shows. This is very cool. So you go to a private airfield.

And how do you get to the plane? I don't understand. You park your car and you walk to it. It's like a small little terminal so you walk in and there's usually guys in leather jackets and coffee and then like magazines about watches and vacation homes and then i love it you walk in and they take your baggage that you want to give to them and then um and then you just walk out on the little runway and then it's usually like a little plane of steps and you walk and walk in and you sit there

and then because usually ahead of time they've asked you what you want to eat and stuff so what is there it's cool i've only had it like two or three times but i hope again yeah yeah but do they they don't make you listen to any safety stuff? Nice. Like we if they know you're all dying.

Yeah. They're like if you die no one's gonna be upset. They're gonna be jealous that you oh you died in a private plane.

What are you Payne Stewart? That's the disclaimer off the top. You think you're a Leah now? But your plane, you walk off onto a pier? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You take off from a pier, you land on a pier. It smells like gas. Yeah, it really does. It smells like fumes. Gas and fish. I've been on both ways. I've flown on Spirit, you know? Yeah, yeah. i've been on both ways i've flown on spirit you know yeah yeah and it's like uh but uh

private planes are a lot smoother yeah right yeah this is more leathery yeah this is more like being like on a bicycle in the sky like there's no barrier there's a very thin barrier not no barrier because then you would just be dead. Between you and the obstacles. It's one of those Wonder Woman jets. But you could see the ground the whole time. You never go up into the clouds. Right. So you never have that sense that you're like, everything's fine. If we crash, I'll just land in heaven.

It'll be fine. That's the great feeling on a big plane. On a regular flight. Yeah. it'll be fine. That's the great feeling on a regular flight. Yeah. Um,

but yeah, so, uh, so I did that, which I don't, I very rarely do. I usually, if I have to go over there, I'll take the ferry.

Uh huh. But, uh, this was, uh, this was how they booked it. Uh huh. Uh,

and yeah, that's, that's basically all that I went up to. I, I went there and I came, came back, missed my flight coming back. Did you drink too much?

No. Did the whole team miss their flight? No. Just you? Just me. And I thought it took off when it landed. Like I looked at the landing time, not at the takeoff time. Okay. Simple mistake.

Simple mistake. And then so instead of being on the one with a bunch of comedians, I was on with a bunch of businessmen. I was the only not business. Well, they don't know. Yeah, how could they know? You could be a businessman. Yeah, that's true.

Work in lumber. Yeah. You got a briefcase full of wood. Yeah, different wood samples. Yeah. Gotta go make a deal with a beaver. Yeah, so that's

what I've been up to. Do we want to move on to some business? That's right. Stop Podcasting Yourself is supported in part by Casper,

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mattresses are uncomfortable. But a universe is so big. How can you feel big? And yet you feel trapped. Yeah, that's true. I mean, there's a lot of room here, but I miss my old universe and the universe that has comfortable Casper mattresses. Casper-ass mattresses. Now, did you know that they offer... I'm sorry to rub it in, but I'm here in this Casper universe. Oh, man, I miss it so much. I wanted to tell you that they offer affordable prices because Casper cuts out the middleman.

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Not with Casper, man. They sell directly to the consumer. In fact, they sent me a mattress. It came in a box, and I opened it up. It flooped out. I slept, and then I... You know what? My bones have been very happy. Oh, my bones hurt so much.

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Well, they do over here, dude. Get back over here. It was all a dream. Oh, they do over here, dude. Get back over here. It was all a dream. Oh, thank God. Hey, this is John Roderick of America. I know that guy. He also made the theme song for My Brother, My Brother and Me. And you've teamed up with your friend Adam and a guy you also know, Ben Harrison.

Hey, you're my friend. And we make a war movie podcast called Friendly Fire. Now, you may be turned off by the premise right then and there, but you would be wrong. Well, it's because it's about so much more than war or war films. War movies are also a great window into filmmaking and the way our culture thinks of itself and other cultures think of themselves so listen to friendly fire on emotionalfund.org every friday or get it wherever you get podcasts you never know who you'll run into in Fairhaven, the city under the bubble. Allison Becker. Eliza Skinner.

Keith Powell. Mucus-drenched imp monsters. Rob Corddry. Christelle Alonzo. Judy Greer. Grotesquely possessive carnivorous plants. Justin McElroy. Travis McElroy.

Griffin McElroy. Terrifying, malevolent, sentient beards. John Hodgman. Paul F. Tompkins. Lisa Loeb. Bubble, the sci-fi comedy from maximum fun.org just open your podcast app and search for bubble overheard overheard segment in which uh you know when you hear things out there in the world don't

just throw them away. You keep them and then you share them here on the show. And we always like to start with the guests. But if you don't want to lead the charge, we can start with Dave. I mean, I just tell you because I didn't think about it. You told me you're like, this is the only thing you had to prepare. And then I was like, that's too much. I thought about it for a minute because you always overhear things.

And one of my best jokes wasn't over here, but over C, where I saw a guy with a tattoo that said, fuck Linda on his neck. And he was holding, he was caressing a lady at the same time. So I was like, is that Linda?

What's going on with you guys? And so that's one of my favorites of just taking that and making things you always yeah i love eavesdropping it's one of my favorite things in the world yeah but i don't have anything that's fine i've got less than that i've got things that my daughter has said that's that'll count but uh some of them she said to me, some of them I just overheard. And let's get going. So there's this... He's like your dad laughing already. My daughter's a genius.

Well, no, that's not where I'm coming from. She had this one. Okay, so she is really into whispering At the moment And she'll do like She'll whisper I love you But like she'll just Mouth the words Right

And then So the other day She was like Dad can I whisper Something in your ear And I was like Is it gonna be I love you And she said no

And then so she mouthed I love I love you And then she said Owls Owls Oh What did you think I whispered I love and then she said owls owls oh what did you think

I whispered I love owls so I also just like that she's just like you know what I'm just real into whispering right now

I hope she never loses that I hope as an adult that's on her dating profile I love whispering I love owls yeah I've not changed much I love whispering. I love owls. Yeah. I've not changed much.

I love my dad. So my daughter is three. My other daughter is one, but she doesn't say anything. And my dog is 14, and he is like slowing down a lot. Yeah. And he's been pooping in the house, which he's never done and it's the worst and i was talking to my daughter about it and uh she said this is my other overheard she said maybe he's sick or he has poop in the house pain oh that's like a like a something a vet would say to kind of dumb it down yeah he's got well i don't know. Moving the house paint. It's what Andre the giant had.

Oh, uh, those are great. Yeah. Oh yeah. They're great. Yeah. I don't have,

I don't have a kid to pull from. So I had to, this was my over. Yeah, but you get to go out and hear other people. It's true. It's true. But an escort told me. I have kids and old people in the pool

I was walking by a bar that was I feel like it was half time at a show or something as everybody was outside smoking and I feel like it was also maybe a drag show because there were a lot of guys in drag and

one guy was complaining to his friend or maybe bragging uh saying as a construct i don't remember last year at all that's a good one yeah that was pretty good and uh what does he mean as a construct i don't know i don't know like just saying i don't remember last year at all like he knows it existed uh-huh yeah but if you as you know total framework as a thing not sure right or or is it my personal construct like obviously i remember last year but i'm putting up this facade that i don't remember that's my drag characters person who doesn't remember 2017 i choose not to remember last year at all yeah uh now in addition to these overheards we have overheards sent in by our listeners if you

want to send one in you can send it into spy atfun.org. This first one comes from Jeff, last name withheld. Stop being a sissy, Jeff. Come on, Jeff. Let it out. Now, this Jeff works at an escape room, which if you don't know, is a sort of puzzle game room for nerds. It's not just for nerds. It's also for friends. Have you ever done an escape room?

No, no. You know Just as a child But it was trauma filled I'm sorry to hear that Thank you But you escaped I got out

Yeah, you got out I got out And I'm never going back Our past guest Pat Thornton Had a good tweet That was Every room's an escape room

If you're dumb That'son, had a good tweet that was, every room's an escape room if you're dumb. That's true. We had a family in for a game on Mother's Day, and I overheard this conversation between a mom and a roughly 12-year-old son while they were playing. The kid said, hey, I found something. Mom says, I already read that. The kid says, oh, okay, I guess I'll just go fuck myself. read that the kid says oh okay i guess i'll just go fuck myself fuck me mom yeah yeah it's trying to help yeah oh happy mother's day yeah you know what i i regret you know making this decision to come here we should have just gone to olive garden

oh boy i had one of my favorite over here's of all time um i was working on this puppet show and there's a puppet and then a 12 year old kid and i couldn't hear i'm over like across the way and like i can only see him talking and it's so funny because even off of uh taking takes the puppet would talk while using his mouth yeah yeah and so at one point i just hear the puppet do a full head turn towards the 12 year old and just goes ever since you turned 12 you just can't stop talking about fucking and it was just so funny there were puppets saying that to a kid with no camera rolling that is one of my favorite YouTube kind of rabbit holes to go down is

takes like unused takes of the Muppet Show or Bloopers and his daughter's one they had recently so funny this next one comes from Karen from Oakland a few weeks ago I was at my local video store looking to pick up a weekend rental.

What year was this sent? Don't judge Karen. She don't got Netflix. She live in a small town. Yeah, maybe. Oakland. Yeah, Oakland. Small town in Oakland, California.

Two 12-year-old girls walked in, and within 15 seconds of their arrival they got confused with the store's classification system i then heard one girl say to the other maybe we should just ask if they have paul blart too that's so funny how are you gonna know you should not ask that i've actually have i seen paul blart too yes i saw a little bit of it and i was just like is this a drama like i don't it's not a lot it's not intense i hear it's pretty good yeah what paul blart too i think i heard it's better than you'd think um check it out yeah i don't know why i was maybe have you seen it yeah yeah you guys ever see spy yeah with melissa mccarthy yeah that's a good movie i enjoyed spy real good comedy and jason statham was funny yeah which one of the few

movies i own i figured it out on my google play i was like i own weird movies i own spy yeah i own a goofy movie okay magic mike xxl i couldn't get through magic might xxl i liked magic mike a lot i've seen it several times but the second one i felt not as charming yeah it was missing some of the spirit of the first one any wrestlers in the in xxl yeah yeah uh kevin ash yeah right. Okay. I call him Diesel. That's right. But yeah, I don't know. I don't know why. I only own three movies on my computer and they're all weird. Oh, and Mrs. Doubtfire.

I don't know. Everybody should have that on their computer ready to go. What's your favorite scene in Mrs. Doubtfire? I just went, that's their head in a cake and goes, hello. That's my favorite. i'm a run by fruiting kind of guy also robin williams is the is the bad guy in that movie and so weird to watch it as an adult and be like wow that new dude is pretty cool he looks like james bond he's like no i don't even i don't want to just have sex i like your family and he's like talking he's talking to his friend by himself has every reason to be like nah you know i'm just

getting to know them and i'm gonna fuck this girl and i'm bounced out but he's like i love her family they're nice i'm getting older and i want a family yeah and he's like saying that to his skeezy friend and then robin williams hits in the head with a fruit and it's just like you're wrong here you're in the wrong also you're lying to your kids and family and you're showing up in a costume oh and you in the very beginning he quits his job because the bird's smoking a cigarette and it's just like oh yeah there's tons of voiceover work in san francisco dude like like he had the one gig in town yeah he gave it up and like in 15 years of raising these kids that he's never whipped out the mrs doubtfire voice that they like they weren't like yeah we know dad that's true this is a brand new voice that he's created yeah yeah yeah he's the

bad guy in that movie. And he never knew how to, he doesn't know how to cook anything. His boobs caught on fire. Yeah. He's just taking, his wife's just working, doing all the work, and he's just hanging out with the kids and not doing anything. And then when she divorces him, instead of getting a job and getting his life together, he's like,

I'm going to become a drag queen and try to mess up your new relationship i'm gonna become a drag queen who takes like 10 hour shifts that's why i could never write a movie like that because i'd get lost in the logic of it so quickly well i think that's why they could never write a sequel they wanted to do a sequel so bad but once you reveal that robin williams is mrs Doubtfire, how do you even do it? How do you do it? Mrs. Doubtfire 2, adult puppies. Yeah. I'm black now.

This is. This last one comes from Beth M. from Dallas, Texas texas okay you put the initial in thank you beth yeah a guy completing a customer satisfaction survey in the bank today looks up and says is son of a bitch hyphenated that's what you're getting on your customer survey son of a bitch sob that's all you have to write that's true uh i i see sometimes pos yeah point of sale point of sale but in my mind i'm always like piece of shit yeah a real i feel like that's like a real something my mom would say pos yeah yeah mom i know what you're saying yeah mom but thanks for taking me to this escape room.

Nice. You guys work to go. Yeah. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, you may also call us. If you want to call us, our phone number is easy to remember. I have it here in my brain. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9.

Yeah, ask for Jenny. In my brain. 8-6-7-5-3-0-9. Yeah, ask for Jenny. The phone number is 1-844-779-7631. So easy to remember. Or 1-UGH-SPYPOD-1, like these people have. Hi, Gabe and Graham. This is Jeff from Calgary.

I haven't overheard. I just saw the new movie Solo, a Star Wars story. And during the credits, the woman behind me who was watching the movie with her son, she was probably in her 50s, and she was like, Oh, you know what I heard about those other movies?

I heard that Leia and Han's son Karl Ren went bad. That's so sad. And I just couldn't stop laughing about Karl Ren. Karl Ren. There aren't enough Star Wars names that are just like Jeff.

Yeah, Jeff. Derek. Bradley. Yeah. Karl. Yeah. Darth Stanley. Yeah. carl yeah darth stanley yeah yeah like luke skywalker is the most yeah that's true luke and even that's cool it is very cool luke and his nephew carl yeah i was thinking the other day about how i knew a kid when i was a kid named clint and even as a kid he was a cool i was like how I knew a kid when I was a kid named Clint. And even as a kid, he was a cool.

I was like, he was a cool kid. Juve El Camino. He was making threats to the neighborhood kids. But yeah, he was a cool teenager. I bet he's a cool adult. I haven't looked him up. Afraid of what I'll find out. Oh, yeah.

Probably has a closet full of dead guys. Oh, no. Yeah. I don't know what cool guys have. Yeah, a closet full of dead people. Or what you're afraid of. Here's your next phone call. Fun belts.

Oh, yeah. Yes. Boy, I would love a closet full of fun belts. I don't see the point in it. Why not? Oh, because I don't tuck in my shirt? Yeah. People are like, who's looking at your belt? I don't see the point in it. Is it bored? Why not? Oh, because I don't tuck in my shirt? Yeah.

People are like, who's looking at your belt? People always be walking around like Hermes belts or Louis Vuitton belts. I'm like, who gives a shit about a belt? I mean, my sensei, for one. Yeah, true. All right. Nice. Nice.

Let's move along. We got there. Let's get out. Here's your phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and guest. Oh, thank you. I'm in Calgary calling in with an overheard. That's my brother. Here's your phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and guest. Oh, thank you. This is Dan from Calgary calling in with an overheard. This is my brother.

Oh, really? We started a job in the trades, and this was overheard at a work site in Calgary. There's two guys working in a room, and first guy says, I really like collecting ball caps, but I don't have anywhere really to put them all. Second guy says, oh, yeah, I know exactly what you mean. I like to keep them in, what do you call that shit you put shoes in? And the guy says, a shoebox? He's like, yeah. Anyway.

So he keeps his hat in a shoebox? Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. Did he say bottle caps or ball caps? Ball caps. Okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Keep caps ball caps in a shoebox where else are you going to keep them

I've seen people have like hat racks or like a display wall with a bunch of different hooks I feel like a shoebox is too small for more than one hat maybe that's how you're maybe you got a tiny hat and they used to have hat boxes

circle, square have hat boxes. They would circle, circle or square hat boxes. Bring hat boxes back. Yeah. For my big... My big... Big Titanic hat. Sunday hat.

Yeah. Derby hat. That was your brother. That was my brother. I did not recognize his voice. Yeah. Or his area code. Why are all the calls

from Calgary today? I don't know. Alberta. Come on, Alberta. We're losing this trade war with them right now. Oh, yeah. They're sending their worst calls. Sorry.

Here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and lovely guest. Thank you for knowing. This is Tara Collin from Washington, D.C. I'm at the National Zoo, and three people were walking past me and one of them turned to his friends and said, is it weird that

I really like the smell of sea lions? And his friend 100% sincerely looked at him and said, no, I think it's really normal for that to have a calming effect. Sea lions? Yeah. What do they smell like? Probably like fish and probably like the pier. Yeah, gross.

They smell like grossness? Still water, yeah. Yeah. Did she say the National Zoo? Yep. Wow. Everything, if you're in Washington, D.C., everything's the National this, the National that.

It just makes me realize that we don't have a National Zoo. All of our zoos are independent. Check out Parliament, all right? Ah! Nice. Yeah. Well, I don't like to get too political. Yeah, but you don't.

Because a lot of my friends are prime ministers. But, you know, sometimes I just got to razz them. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a real razzer. A real truth teller. Yeah, I'm sort of a truth teller, a bit of a preacher. I'm glad we're finally getting to know each other ron yeah well ron that brings us to the end of this uh here show okay um this episode comes out a week from

well i mean uh after rosanna's off the the air, what's today's date? It comes out a week Monday. So basically on the 11th. Cool. Yeah. Do you have anything that week that you would like to plug? I don't know. Just follow me Twitter at Ron Funches.

Instagram at Ron Funch. Ends with an H. Instagram at Ron Funch ends with a H if you're in the Seattle area I'm taping my first hour special

for Comedy Central on June 19th at the Neptune I think there's like 40 tickets left for the late show if you want if you can

make that not be that would be great yeah make that not be yeah come on and other than that

I was on a show called Taskmaster on the Comedy Central that's real fun if you haven't checked that out please check that out Trolls

Trolls that's good other than that I mean just support me spiritually yeah give him this money yeah

get him closer to that toilet please if you if anyone at the Noomi Toilet Corporation is listening Yeah, give him this money. Yeah. Get him closer to that toilet. Please. If anyone at the Numi Toilet Corporation is listening. Come here. Yeah, Kohler. Kohler, hit me up. Yeah.

I'm supporting you. I'm talking about you every day. If anyone out there, if you have any factory seconds, he'll take them. Yeah, I'll take a refurbished. Slightly used. I mean, you're not touching it. It's remote control. Yeah.

Yeah. Thanks so much for coming to be on the show. Thanks for having me. I appreciate it. I'm a fan of your work. Fun guy. Yeah. Happy to be here.

We're fun. Fun guy. And we will be in Toronto on June june 30th and ottawa on june 28th tickets for those shows there's a link on the episode uh post on at maximum fun.org uh episode seven of this sounds serious my fake true crime podcast comes out tuesday uh in that one oh that's a crazy episode it's the trial okay oh yeah it's a it's a real uh trial and error as some would say uh and uh you uh listeners out there if you like the show uh you can follow us at twitter at stop podcasting you can find us on facebook if you like

the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.