Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 542 - Sophie Buddle

Episode Date: August 6, 2018

Comedian Sophie Buddle returns to talk horse girls, Mamma Mia, and dirt malls.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 542 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a boy, he's a boy who's a skater boy. And she said, see you later boy. And his name is Dave Shumka. And tell me all about it. Tell me all about being a skater boy.

Well, first of all, I was a boy, she was a girl. Can I make it any more heteronormative yes i was a punk she did ballet yeah i mean i i don't have really a take on that yeah i mean uh there's so much genre mashup now. It feels like those two would get together easily. It's okay. What more can I say? Yeah. He wanted her. She'd never tell him secretly she wanted him as well.

All of her friends stuck up their nose. They had a problem with his baggy clothes. Then five years from now, she sits at home cleaning the baby shit all alone. She turns on TV and what does she see? Skater boy rocking up MTV. Yeah, that's right. She calls up her friends. They already know.

They already know. They all have tickets to see his show. This is like, everything has gone wrong for the ballet. Yeah, that's true. She probably doesn't even do ballet anymore. Probably her clothes are baggy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, man. Oh, boy. even do ballet anymore. Probably her clothes are baggy. Yeah. Yeah.

Oh, man. Oh, boy. And like, we didn't even know he played an instrument. Yeah. Oh, man. Yeah, that's true. He was just a skater boy, maybe. What instrument do you think he played on MTV?

I guess he was rocking. Yeah. I mean, guitar. Yeah. I always thought that when they said they had a problem with his baggy clothes that they were saying big nose and I was really excited

because I have a big nose. I was like, yeah, people do have a problem with big noses. You do have a problem understanding how many syllables are being said.

I was like 10 though. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's true. You only do kind of come into syllable resonance when you're 11 or 12.

Yeah, that's a university skill. It's a puberty thing. That voice you hear is our guest, a returning guest to the podcast. Oh, please stop banging your giant nose on our microphone. Sorry. Oh, got some makeup on it. It's Sophie Buttle is our guest. Hello.

Hello. I wouldn't say you have a big nose Thank you No I wouldn't say that either Guys I mean But like also It's not a compliment

Like some people have Beautiful big noses Yeah yeah yeah Okay well I retract my thank you Yeah exactly You have a terrible You have an ugly little nose Who's

Who's In our You know Hollywood landscape Who's the most famous nose Owen Wilson? Yeah. Adrian Brody.

Adrian Brody. Good call. Dustin Diamond. Because Owen Wilson isn't big. It's just crooked. Yeah. But like famous. We're just saying famous noses.

Yeah. Did you say Dustin Diamond? Yeah. Yep. Famous nose. But like back in the old days, it was Carl Malden. Oh, yeah. He was like famous, big, like big pronounced nose.

Kind of a bulbous nose. W.C. Fields. W.C. Fields. Yeah. Yeah. And not James Cagney, but like. Jimmy Durante. Jimmy Durante.

Yeah. I don't know any of these names, but they're all big nose names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all sound like they got a big schnoz. I couldn't draw you a picture of any of these names but they're all big nose names. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They all sound like they got a big schnoz. I couldn't draw you a picture of any of them but I think those are the noses

of yesteryear. Yeah. I mean, of course, Barbara. Oh, of course. Oh, of course, Barbara. The Divine Miss B. Yeah.

Do we want to get to New Us? Yeah. Get to know us. You know about Barbra Streisand. She had her own shopping mall in the basement of her house. What?

Yeah. For herself? For herself. I mean. How does that work? I'm not sure. It's not. It's a.

It's a. Her basement is designed to look like a shopping mall it's just because she has a weird like fluorescent lighting or is it like no like a high-end shopping mall like you know do they not have fluorescent lighting and high-end shopping mall no i don't think so they have nice you know yeah but just like every like there's a bunch of little shops just for i guess she has like collections of things, things that you wouldn't really know where to display your dolls. So she has a doll store. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And like, I, I, I heard about this a few years ago. Yeah. And I at first was like, this is crazy. And then I see pictures of it and I'm like, that's a good idea. Yeah. Yeah. Like when I first heard it, I thought it was staffed. So I thought that they

were just people on call in case you sell her her own thing yeah to pretend to be mall workers i mean i would understand having like something like a build-a-bear in your basement oh boy yeah oh boy that would be like that's how you'd end the tour. Imagine if you had like your maid or whatever had to occasionally dress up as someone who works in the mall and you go down and they're like, would you like anything? And you have to be like, no, just browsing. Yeah, I might go have an Orange Julius and then they have to run over to the Orange Julius and change first. And then she takes her own doll or whatever and it sets off the alarm. Oh, you know she shoplifts.

Yeah, she shoplifts from her own store. Sticks the doll in her shirt. And it's this weird sort of like loyalty play they have to do. Well, what are you going to do? Are you going to arrest me, your employer? She's like, I'm calling security.

And she puts on a security vest. So, Sophie. Yes. Just before we started the podcast, we were talking about you. You used to spend your summers up in a nice cabin in the Okanagan. You also went to Christian horse camp. That's right.

I'm assuming that you ride horses? Yes, you ride horses and you... But did you ride horses before Christian horse camp? No. No, no. Are you Christian? No. Are you a horse? Yes. I've already addressed the nose situation um yeah no like i would spend the year with my mom and my mom's

family who are jewish and then in the summer when i'd come see my dad and we'd go spend time with his family at our cabin they are quite catholic right so would go, I think they were half trying to convert me and then the other half fully trying to convert me. Yeah, they were like, we have horses. Yeah, and I was like, I don't like them, but I'm gonna go, I love it. And then I went for so many years that I got too old to go to the camp.

So I became a counselor at the camp. And when you're a counselor at a Christian camp, the kids will ask you questions about the Lord. So I just, I would riff because like I didn't know, like all the other counselors went to church every week and were very passionate about Jesus Christ. The passion of Christ over here. Yeah, exactly.

I was not as passionate and didn't have a ton of info. So for example, the kids would ask. Yeah. Stuff like, oh, the kids would ask. Yeah. Stuff like, oh, does God ever make a mistake? And I go, yes, he's only human. That's a great answer. Yeah. But then one of my campers snitched on me

and told the people that I'm Jewish because I told them I was Jewish. I didn't care. And then they were like, are you telling the campers that you're Jewish? And told the people that I'm Jewish because I told them I was Jewish. I don't care. And then they were like, are you telling the campers that you're Jewish? And I was like, I'm Jewish. And they're like, then why have you been coming here for 10 years? Well, I'm not going to lie to you. Mostly the horses.

Yeah. And but also like the horse element of the camp was pretty intense, too. So when I was a camper there. Were you ever converted to being a horse no well this is the thing all the girls that went there were horse girls like fully lived their life for horses and i didn't really care what okay what is a horse girl oh you don't know about horse i know i've heard the term but let's go into it for example there was a horse girl at my elementary school and we all had pictures of cute like Jesse McCartney in our lockers and she had pictures of horses. She had pictures of Linda McCartney.

But that's like horse girls dedicate their lives. And it's always girls that are like a little bit Christian or a little bit shy. So like girls that don't want to like boys will replace that feeling with horses. And it's very intense. And they love, they always love to braid hair. They always have braided hair. Sure. This makes sense as well.

Yeah. But I used to. Lots of hay coming and falling out of their locker. Everybody else is caught with a baggie of marijuana you're caught with a bag they don't wear shoes they staple they staple shoes to their feet yeah but i used to to make friends at this camp i used to pretend to be a horse girl so i felt very undercover right and because they would all talk about how much they love horses and then i would try to like chime in and be like oh yeah i love horses too I love that they have bangs I think that that's really cute I like that they're

tall yeah they're only human I like that they have four four legs well yeah you don't you don't know my horse it goes to a different camp but I have one oh so would these girls have their own horses at home a lot of them did because it was was also, it was in the Okanagan. So there's a lot of like farms and ranches and stuff there. So a lot of the girls that went there lived on farms. And they just wanted to get away from it all for a week and go. Go and visit. Horse it up a little.

Cheat on their home horses. It was their Vegas week. Yeah, a little bit of strange. A little bit of strange horse ass. Yeah. But it was always so weird to me. There were so many horse girls. And, like, just all over the place.

It was the first subculture I ever noticed in the world. No, really? Yeah. Yeah, I worked at a warehouse, and my boss was a horse girl she was a horse woman she had grown a horse girl is always a horse girl is it always a horse girl then she was a horse girl she had two horses both of whom were injured and so she couldn't even ride them so she was basically like a horse doctor like she was taking care of these two horses. Get a shotgun. So like, could you

ride a horse still? Yeah, I could ride a horse still. We would go over jumps and stuff. Really? Yeah, yeah. It's not super hard, to be honest, to ride a horse. It seems very hard and scary. It's not, and it might just be because when you're little, you're like small. Because I think the most of the hard part is that it's kind of painful.

Right. But when you're little, you can get thrown around quite a bit more. I think it would be hard to learn it now. Yeah. Like I once, my friends, Bruno Kirby, Billy Crystal, and Daniel Stern, we all went up. I remember this summer. We went up to this fun summer ranch. What was the guy's name who owned it?

Curly. Curly, go on. Yeah, and, well, he was a character. And, long story short, he died. Oh, no! And we delivered a baby cow. Why isn't that had a reboot? City Slickers.

It's sitting right there. Who are we rebooting it with? Is this time for our favorite segment on the show? Reboot? No, what was it? Stunt casting? Stunt casting, yeah. Play the theme.

Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting. Powder.

Danny DeVito. Taxi Cab the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Anyone in the movie Pure luck stunt casting uh have you ever seen city slickers no i never heard of it oh what it's a billy crystal it's a romp it's a bunch of it's about a bunch of city slickers who go on, yeah, like some sort of ranch camp, some cattle drive camp. Yeah. And they, you know, the advent, because what do they know from animals, you know?

And so he has to deliver a baby calf. And that's hilarious because you imagine Billy Crystal, you know, he doesn't. Elbow deep. So anyway. Who's this generation's Billy Crystal? I don't know, Josh Gad. Oh, man. You just knocked it out of the park.

She doesn't know the movie well, so let's just do Josh Gad, Ed Helms, and it's like the Daniel Stern. Yeah. I'm trying to think of who a good Curly would be. Bruce Willis. Yeah, sure. And Bruno Kirby is. He comes back. be. Bruce Willis. Yeah, sure. And Bruno Kirby is... He comes back. Yeah.

He's dead. Oh, no! Oh. I was hoping he could be the link between the reboot and the original. Yeah. Let's go with Kirby Puckett. Kirby Puckett. Perfect.

You've never seen City Slickers. No. Well, it's not... I wouldn't go as far to say as it's a must see this is that is something they could they could do an all-female reboot of yes yes but bruni kirby's still dead yeah bruni kirby is still dead oh no carla bruni is a woman yeah i like her i know her yeah. Yeah. Do you? Yeah. What is your relationship to her?

She was in Midnight in Paris. Oh, yeah. Yeah? Yeah, sure. And I liked her in that. And then my mom told me that she was married to the French... President or Prime Minister? President or Prime Minister. And so I googled her and then I just

looked at pictures of her for like three days. Yeah, she was a model singer. Put some up in your locker. Yeah, whatever. I'm a Carly girl. Yeah. I was watching, I was watching my Twitter feed of Goop. There were like three or four months there where Goop was on All about The effortless

French girl style Oh yeah Well that is Gwyneth Paltrow's Whole aesthetic Kind of She's just an American French girl

Right Well they were naming it They were calling it French girl French girl And so it was a lot Girls love French girls Yeah

Like their style Their whole Everything Just French nonsense Yeah the idea Like anything with the Eiffel Tower, red lipstick, being skinny, cigarettes, bread. Water. Yeah, these are all.

The hits. Do you, because you're somebody who you're taking collagen right now. So like. That was off the air conversation. Yeah, I told you that air conversation. That was, that was, I told you that in confidence. But do you,

do you, have you bought any, bought into any of this goop stuff? Goop, like goops, like a collagen. No, no,

either way. Either way. Yeah. What, what are, what goops do you currently have? Yeah. Well,

I've been taking B12 vitamins that are gummies, which I've left out in the sun. Until they goop up real nice. Pretty goop. We have been having a spoonful of that every day. Do you take any goops? No, I have a pretty relatively goop-free life life but I feel like I should be maybe I do

I'm still off and on with Metamucil having a real will they or won't they the real Ross and Rachel some days

I just gotta reset yeah yeah yeah sure you know the current commercial they have for Metamucil has a lady in a real nice skirt doing a real funky dance.

Twirling? Yeah, she's twirling. Oh, you bet. Yeah, that's me. Do you guys use any face scoops? Like, do you moisturize? Do you use SPF? Yeah.

Yeah? I mean, I'll put on an SPF before I leave the house. Every day? In the sunny days. Okay. Not when it's cloudy. I mean, that just seems. You still should.

I still should? Yeah, you still should because the UV rays still come through the clouds. Oh, yeah. I just bought this this morning. Positively radiant. That's a bit of vino. Positively radiant. Because of Jennifer Aniston? No, because a vino seems to be the moisturizer that works best for me, although they had like... They are good for sensitive skin.

But they had like five different ones that had spf and i i didn't want to talk to i didn't want to talk to an expert at london drugs at nine in the morning i love my makeup grill at shoppers oh do you have the like a regular well yeah because whenever i'm makeup shopping at shoppers i'm on a pretty tight budget right Right. Because I would usually go to Sephora, but then sometimes you're having a bad day and you need like a $10 lipstick. Yeah. So you go and you're like, take me to a lipstick that's $3.

Take me to. Don't bring it over here. Bring me to it. It's not going to give me a rash. And then she dies. Nice. In conclusion. I mean, a rash would be just as good though, right? Yeah, plump she dies. Nice. I mean, a rash would be just as good though, right? Plump it up a little.

Yeah. Not bad. Speaking of take me to a lipstick, I've had the song stuck in my head and I don't know if we came up with this or if I, if it was on like another podcast or, but I've, uh, you know, the song take me to the river. Yeah. Dunk me in the water. Yeah. For some reason, I've had, take me to the toilet. Dunk me in the toilet.

Well, I think you maybe just made that up in your own head. I've had it stuck in my head for months. Did you think of it on the toilet? It seems like an on the toilet song. I was probably looking at the toilet. I'm trying to think. What are my favorite on the toilet songs? Well, I saw Mamma Mia last night.

Mamma Mia 2. Oh, yeah. Too Fast, Too Furious. Have you seen one? Have I seen one? Yeah, that's what I'm asking. Have you guys seen one? No I seen one? Yeah, that's what I'm asking. Have you guys seen one? No.

Yeah. No? No. No. Oh, it's so much fun. You are missing out. Here we go again. And I'm feeling real.

That's what the second one is called. I know. So you know that. Okay. Oh, yeah. No, I'm familiar with the idea. Do you know what the first one's about? Do you know?

Yeah. Okay. Meryl Streep, at some point in her life, things went wrong. She got banged by three guys. And she didn't know which one gave birth. Wait.

Wait. Oh, here we go again. Okay, so you pretty much got it. Mamma Mia 2 is about the story of when she was young and she got banged by three these three guys and it is awesome it is just wholesome fun i went there and i was i walked except for the part where they're banging no it is the most wholesome banging because it's just like it's it's how you would want spelled h-o-l-e so it is how you would want your mom to be bong. It is just, it is so sweet.

It is so sweet. And it was just, it was a packed theater last night. I went with Amber Pasquez. Yeah. Amber. Amber Herbiong. Okay. And as I was walking there, I saw a bunch of these like 40 year old ladies that all had feather boas on.

And I was kind of like, that's weird. I guess they're going to like a bachelorette party or something. And then they were really hyped up, but they seemed sober and I couldn't figure out. And then I realized I had been walking behind them for like 20 minutes. So we were both going to the same theater. Is this, it just came out this week? I think it's, yeah, freshly out.

Packed theater. But it's going to be packed as long as it's a great film. Is Meryl Streep in the second one? So Meryl Streep dies in the second one. In the second one or in the first one? In the second one. Because she's not in the preview. Spoiler alert, she comes back to life at the end of it.

Yes! Yeah! With Cher. Yeah, and then her and Cher make out. No. No, that was just on the red carpet. Did you guys see that picture? No.

That was viral. Oh, yeah. Her and Cher kissed on the red carpet, and everyone was like, ooh. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? If anybody's going to be kissing Meryl Streep, I'm glad it's Cher. That's there. There I said it.

She's going to be respectful. She's going to treat her like the queen that she is. Why is... I don't know about meryl streep like she's great uh all of her movies are great she's yeah she's uh she was a very good actor but she chooses to wear transition splint to every award it's because she's a gangster because she just doesn't care at this point right yeah but it has more power to her. So is it that there's a lot of photos of the mid-transition that bothers you? That's what transitions lenses are only ever.

They're only always transiting. Mace, my boyfriend, had transitions lenses when he was younger, and all of his head shots from when he was younger are with the mid--trans. Yeah they don't they don't ever go fully clear or fully dark. No. We really we should have Mason because he was a child magician and that's what all of his head shots were. Still does magic when I'm stoned and he wants to entertain me. Oh really? Yeah. What's a what's a good uh stone magic trick like I feel like cards is too hard to... To follow. Yeah, to keep track of.

Yeah, I don't remember my card. Like, maybe that was my card. I don't know. How long have you been doing this trick? Yeah. Oh, no, my snacks disappeared. Yeah. Well, he does mostly close-up magic,

so he'll do stuff with a coin. He'll make a pen disappear. That's fun. It's pretty fun. fun yeah yeah um magic's like a it's a it's something i don't want to put the time into but it is something i want to just automatically be good at yeah like i want to be able to pick up a thing and make it disappear well he was trying to show me one trick where you make a coin disappear and you like throw it in your hand and it's supposed to like, you're supposed to throw it into one hand to make it look like it's in that hand, but it's supposed to kind of bounce back into your fingers when you throw it in and then it, and then it looks like it was in your fist and then you show

it wasn't. And I was trying to do it and it's impossible. I don't have rubbery enough hands. Oh yeah. You have to rubber up. Well, you know what? Collagen. So I feel like we have a bunch of threads dangling right now.

Mamma Mia. Let's get back to Mamma Mia. Do we finish Mamma Mia? And then we'll ask you what your thoughts on Gwyneth Paltrow's goop. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So goop's a magazine, right? Or a website.

It's a lifestyle if you have it. Well, yeah, because I put a lot of goops on my face and my hair. But that's not what it is. It's not about goop. It's not. if you have it. Well, yeah, because I put a lot of goops on my face and my hair. But that's not what it is. It's not about goop. It's not. What is it? Why is it goop? You know what?

It's Gwyneth, her full name, Gwyneth Oprah. Owen Wilson. Octavius Paltrow. So, no, you have no affiliation with the Gwyneth goop. I bought the first editioneth Goop I bought the first edition of Goop the magazine was that the one

where she's covered in Goop yeah she got Gooped on that show in this issue Gwyneth gets Gooped she said I don't know she got the answer wrong yeah

and the Gooped are hard you just got Gooped Gwen yeah I bought the first one because I was like, well, that's the best way to spend $30, I think, is on a five-page magazine. And then I was so mad that it was so expensive

that I didn't read it. I couldn't even look at it. I was offended that you would charge so much. I have a magazine. I have like three magazines I've been meaning to read from two years. Dave, you got to slow down your lifestyle. I used to read so many magazines.

And then it's like, it's just, I think it's kids. It's just like something I cut out of my life. Read one to your kid at night. What they don't tell you is reading magazines is still reading. So you still have to like have time to read. Yeah. Yeah. But you don't really like you is reading magazines is still reading. So you still have to have time to read. But you don't really. Like reading a book, you can't just be like, no, I don't want to do these pages. I feel that most magazine reading is flipping.

You're just flipping and looking at the colors. Yeah. Maybe if there's like a one-page humor essay, you'll read that. Yeah, you'll stop for that. Let's see what these. You'll look at an ad thinking it's an article for a while. Oh, look, Pharrell's in a one page humor essay, you'll read that. Yeah, you'll stop for that. Let's see what these... Look at an ad thinking it's an article for a while. Oh, look, Pharrell's in a nice outfit. Oh, it says all the items cost.

Whoa, holy moly. Whoa, Pharrell's doing well. Good for him. Yeah, that's a custom made hat he's wearing. He didn't get that at Lids. His happy hat? Yeah, is he still wearing a giant hat? He wore it in Entourage.

Oh, boy. You know what I like about Pharrell? What? His girlfriend is taller than him. Oh, even with the hat on? No, not with the hat. Okay. So I think we've unveiled why that exists.

Yeah, yeah. That's why the hat's around. Sometimes he'll stand on a hat like an apple box. It's been debunked. Did you see that photo that was circulating around? It was a, I guess, maybe a baseball coach that was standing on an ice cream pail so that he was taller than the woman. Oh, interviewing him. Interviewing him?

Yeah. How did he not know that people would zoom out and get that full shot of him standing on an ice cream pail? Maybe he was already standing on it when she approached him. He's doing some balance exercises. I feel like I did hear about this, and maybe it was a joke that he was doing. Oh, that he was like, look at this. This is funny.

I also, did you see when Mark Zuckerberg was being grilled by the politicians? He had a little booster seat on his chair. Did you see that? It was really funny. A bunch of people were zooming in on it. I do like, I do like,

Maybe just as fun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When a billionaire like has to do some dumb status trick. Well, I mean, Donald Trump in his hair too is kind of funny

because it's like he's clearly bald. What? But it's like, you're so rich, why do you still care? Why don't you just wear a top hat? Yeah.

He's one of the only people that could, in context, be wearing a top hat. Wouldn't that be awesome? And he's like the only, like, it's weird for him because he has almost no insecurities. But if he showed up at these rallies wearing a giant top hat. Maybe a long cloak. I really want to like Donald Trump. Like the fact that he eats so much McDonald's, I would find endearing if it was my guy.

Oh yeah, sleeps with porn stars and stuff. You want to just be like, cool, go free. Well that I maybe don't care so much about. No, but like on paper, you're like, oh, okay. What an interesting fellow. Yeah. And then. You know why he said why he likes eating or why he eats so much McDonald's?

Because it's delicious? Because he's nervous people are going to poison him. Yeah. Yeah. Because he feels like it's an easy way to get a poison-free meal. Yeah. But like the McDonald's people, they're like, oh, 18 Big Macs. I wonder who this is for.

Yeah, a bunch of guys wearing sunglasses with wires in their ears. They know. Don't spit in this. This is for Barbara Streisand, all right? She has a McDonald's in her basement. I know Tommy Lee went to Starbucks and was like, can I get a, like, your, give me the Starbucks set up in my kitchen. What? Yeah, that was Tommy Lee's thing.

He loved goops in his kitchen. Tommy Lee's house was. His kitchen, he has, he doesn't have a Starbucks, but he has their machine and like their whole like. Oh, really? Huh. He wanted that. Yeah. But that makes sense because I've worked at Starbucks and it's just, it's like a pretty good espresso machine, but you don't have to tap down the thing or anything.

Like it grinds it itself. You just have to press a button. Oh. I feel like it's just a really expensive coffee machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, he likes the Starbucks aesthetic.

I don't even know if he gets, if it's the colors or like, I don't know if he got like the same countertops. Well, how can we find out? Is this in one of the magazines

you haven't finished reading? No, this is from a long time ago. This is from when he was on the podcast he talked about. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot that he was,

it was around the time of that sex tape and that's all anybody was asking. Yeah. But Dave was like, tell. He talked about it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. I forgot that he was. It was around the time of that sex tape. And that's all anybody was asking. Yeah. But Dave was like, tell me about the Starbucks kitchen. And he was like, don't you want to hear me talk about honking the horn of my boat with my wiener? Ew, did he do that? Oh, yeah, he did. Ew, really?

Ew. Actually, any time you hear a boat horn, that's what's happening. It was someone's wiener. A woook. If you were a billionaire or millionaire or... Or a hundredaire. Yeah. But if you could have a thing like a Starbucks in your house or a mall in your basement,

what would be the thing you would choose? house or a mall in your basement, what would be the thing you would choose? I think I would have one of those airport masseuses that can massage you for just 15 minutes real quick. Oh, okay. Just have somebody on call to... Just give me a little rub. And you stick your face in the little thing? Yeah.

I got to have the face hole. Have you done that in an airport? No. No, I've never done it. Oh, okay. But I've always wanted it in my home. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one. but I've always wanted it in my home. Yeah. Yeah, that's a good one.

What would you have? I don't know. I guess I like, I drive through anything. So you want a drive-thru window? Yeah, just be able to go, like, you go out on the driveway and you have, you know, I guess there's a little ordering box there. And your order comes up and you check it. I'd want the roof of my house to look like the roof of a pizza hut. Oh, sure.

Just that hat kind of shape. I feel like you can have that now. Yeah, I feel like you could move into an abandoned pizza hut pretty easy. Yeah, squatters rights, sir. Abandoned Pizza Hut, pretty easy. Yeah, squatter's right, sir. Yeah, it's been a while since I've been in a pizza hut. I know that there's the ones that you just grab your pizza and go,

but there used to be a lot more. Oh, yeah. We'd sit down in salad bars. Well, after your baseball team or whatever. It seems like more. Or horse team. Yeah, your horse team. The waitress comes by with like jugs of root beer. Oh, yeah.

Oh, man. A big, you know, orange crush. Yeah. Simpler time. Oh, yeah, maybe. I guess I want my living room to look like an old pizza. I think what I want is the, that, whatever, the machine where you can code your own soft drink. Oh, yeah.

Ooh, yeah. I would want that just for everything, though. Like, you'd be able to press, like, eggs and toast. You can press any eggs you want. And then it just comes out in some sort of goop. Like, it doesn't, it all comes out in a cup. Yeah. No matter what I punch in, it just comes out. a cup. Yeah. No matter what I punch in.

It just comes out. It comes out like a, like a soft drink. Like a soda fountain. And two, like, hard-boiled eggs splat in there. Shell on. Yeah. It's, I remember watching, like, some home reno thing, and you know the comedian George Wallace? Uh-huh. I remember watching like some home reno thing and you know, the comedian, uh, George Wallace, he had his apartment done like a hotel room. Cause he spent so much time in, in hotel rooms that he had his whole apartment made up to look like, like it was like with hotel furniture and hotel lighting.

And wow. Yeah. Like, I don't remember what show this was, but he likes hotels so much. He hired captain obvious to live in his house. And they're still running those ads, eh? Boy. Boy howdy. Boy are they, yeah.

It's weird when a company decides this is our thing for the next 10 years. Well, like the Trivago guy started out seemingly by accident. Where like, it was just like, he forgot to iron a shirt or somebody on set. Or put on a belt. And then they were like, not only is this our guy, but now he's doing comedy in these commercials. He's dressed like a hamster. Yeah. I saw 22 Minutes did a spoof on him.

I think it was Sean MajJumner that played him. And it was the same thing, kind of just like wrinkly shirt. But the buttons were undone only up to his belly button, like from down. So just his stomach punch was out. I think his pants were open and underwear on. It was a perfect little. But there's no way they did that on purpose. No.

The first time out. I think they wanted to make him look rustic. Yeah. But it was bad and wrong. Yeah, he looked silly. It was a mistake that they leaned into. Yeah. Because the next episode, it was him...

I thought he looked cool. The next one, it just somehow went viral with people who were like, what is this company? What is this like broke-ass commercial where they couldn't get a wardrobe guy? It was like a bad, like the green screen of it was even worse than it is now. And then they were like, this is great. We love this. We do. So the next commercial, it was him putting on a belt.

Him and the Old Spice guy should do a mashup commercial for something. Which, the Terry Crews Old Spice guy? No, the Old Spice guy before Terry Crews. Who was the old? It was the guy who was on a horse. Oh, right. Yeah, because that was the other big commercial. But that one was on purpose, though, right?

Yeah. Yeah, but it's still the same level of. I mean, there's Flo. There's Can You Hear Me Now? And Flo, they've basically replaced her with, like, a guy. What? Flo is gone? Well, there's, like, some guy who's, like, in the same outfit.

But he's, like, Jamie or something. Anyways, I do not care for him. He's a Jamal. He's a Jamal. He's flow Jamal. Yeah. Um, Dave, what's going on with you,

man? Well, we, uh, didn't record for a couple of weeks cause, uh, you were out of town and while you were out of town, I went out of town.

Oh yeah. Where'd you go? I went with Abby and my family and like my, every year, my parents, we all go out of town with my siblings and their kids. And usually it's to the Okanagan, the interior of BC. They got a nice horse camp up there. Oh boy.

Yeah. A little preachy. But yeah, we went to the, the, the resort community of Whistler, British Columbia. Ah, yes. Which is. Co community of Whistler, British Columbia. Uh, yes. Which is co-host of the Olympic Games. Yeah. Uh, and I had actually never been there in the summer.

Oh yeah. I, I, we used to go, I haven't been there in over a decade, but I used to go every winter. Yeah. We'd go skiing.

And then, uh, yeah, now I don't. You go water skiing, summer, summer activity. Uh,

so yeah, we went in the summer and it's so hot, but fine. Like. What do you do up there? Hike? Did you go tubing? Do you guys tube? Yeah, we tube. Oh, cool.

We're big-time tubers from way back. Well, we're tubers in the sense that we grow in the ground. So, where do you go tubing? We don't tube. I was yes-anding. Where is this? I went tubing in Okanagan this summer. Well, that's not Whistler. Yeah. Yeah, I was wondering if

Whistler had some sort of summer. Well, I heard water skiing and I thought that that was real. I don't know what's real with you guys. Yeah, I don't know either. I like... Basically, where we we were there was this lake nearby okay so the big thing in whistler is the it's got two huge ski mountains uh and so one day we wanted to go up the mountain uh but on the other days we were like um let's just see what else we can do and we went to this little lake and it was, you know, it was fine.

Like, you're splish splashing around. Yeah, splish splashing around. I'm hoping that a leech doesn't get up on your ween. Exactly. A ween leech. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or, you know, any kind of bug getting under your shorts. On your ween.

Yeah. That's why they put those nets in there. Really? No. Oh, no. I don't know why those nets are in there Support? Yeah I think Even from flopping out?

Yeah I think it's just to hold everything together Well one of the reasons we went Is because The reason we chose this place this year Is because my sister's husband Was doing the Ironman Triathlon Oh boy

Which is An all day affair It's quite an ordeal I've heard Yeah and was doing the Ironman triathlon. Oh, boy. Which is an all-day affair. It's quite an ordeal, I've heard. Yeah. This is, you got, is he swimming in the open water? Yeah, swimming in the open water, biking up the highway, and then running up the highway, I guess. I don't know.

We left before it. Because, well, it happened on the Sunday. And, like, if you wanted to leave on the Sunday, the highway was closed. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we had to. So many bikes. Yeah, exactly. And so it was, and it's this huge, he did the half Ironman and that, he did really well.

And it took him five and a half hours. Oh, really? So it was like, people will do the Ironman for 12 hours and it ends with a marathon after you swim and bike. And usually you have to run. You're basically running in your swimsuit. Well, yeah, because the swimming is first because it's the most dangerous one.

So they want to make sure people are the least tired when they're swimming. Right, but it's so hot. Wouldn't you want to make sure people are the least tired when they're swimming. Right. But it's so hot. Wouldn't you want to swim last? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Cool off.

And then you have to, this is the weird thing, because when I was a kid, I did a kid's version of it, is finding your bike. Yeah. Finding, because there's like a thousand bikes. Because bullies stole your bike. Yeah. Yeah. Well, the kid's version is a swim, being bullied, being peer pressured.

And then horseback riding. Yeah, and then shooting. Well, there were, because he was, like, I was asking him, like, what do you do about the bike? And he said, oh, you, well, everyone goes the day before. You get your spot, your parking spot. It's numbered. You put your bike there. Yeah.

And I was like, but you're racing for hours. Do you bring like snacks? Goops? Do you bring goops? Yeah, some sort of goops. And he was like, can we have some things? Like I have these powder things that I'll sip as I bike. Yeah.

But like you can't leave anything with your bike because there's bears. Oh, yeah. Somebody's got a roast chicken tied to their bike. They all have their bikes tied up on the tree. But yeah, to their bike. They all have their bikes tied up on the tree. But, yeah, finding your bike, even though you like,

look where it is the day before, when you're like, bedraggled, and you just come out of a wake all insane, and you're like,

oh, where's my bike? Where the fuck is my bike? It's really hard. That's like the hardest part, finding your bike. And then changing, you know how hard it is to put on something when you're still wet? So changing into bike stuff, which is already pretty hard to get into when you're still wet.

Oh, man. That's the hard part of this. They're the real heroes. Yeah. wet oh man that's the hard part of this uh they're the the real heroes yeah are the people who can get who don't just say fuck it i'm just gonna ride my bike in my swimsuit and i'm gonna scooch into my jeans anyway so we went and it was there were four sets of adults and a bunch of kids. All our kids slept in like this room just full of air mattresses. They had a big slumber party.

You guys did full of moths. They came out with their clothes, had huge holes in them. And we were like, oh yeah, we can do all this. There's a great barbecue outside. There's an outdoor hot tub we can use. And then the first day we were like, oh, there's bears in our backyard. Oh, really? We can't go outside at all.

There's a couple of bears. That's exactly what Americans think our problems are like. Yeah, well. Yeah, I mean, they're not not our problem. Oh, I'm very scared of bears. Well, you should be. But the bears aren't scared of you. So, yeah, these nice bears kept coming through the yard and eating clover.

Okay. But it meant like, well, I guess we're not going to barbecue. There's bears in the hot tub again. Come on in. water's fine um so you just stayed inside you stayed inside well then we would go outside but not in the yard yeah go to like the lake or up the mountain did uh your brother brother or brother-in-law brother-in-law. Brother-in-law. Finish. Yep. Oh, okay. You get a medal? I think so. Oh, that's fun. Well, because we did like, they did a mini, there's an Iron Kids race.

And if you want, your kid can run a 400 meter race and get a medal. That's pretty good. How long is 400 meters? Once around the track. Okay. So, but there was no track. So it was, I assume it was about 400 meters. It took about two minutes.

And Margo did it? Margo did it. She thinks she won. Did she get a medal? Oh yeah. That's why she thinks she won. That was great. It was like.

Would they have given a medal to you if you did it? Yeah, probably. Oh, that would have been cool. I mean, I guess there's plenty of medal around. Yeah, that's true. But yeah, no, and it's so, like, we've driven to the Okanagan before, which is like six hours. Yeah. And this was two, including a stop for lunch.

Oh, yeah. Oh, it was a great drive. How long were you there for? Three nights. Three nights. Three nights. Three bear-filled nights. That's pretty cool. Yeah, no, it was fun.

I've never been up there outside of the winter. So I don't, I'm trying to picture it in my head. Can't do it. All, every time I picture it, winter wonderland. Well, when have you, have you ever skied there, have you? No, I competed in the Olympics. Oh, yeah? I was the anchor

of the bobsled. Oh, I'm sorry. Remember during 2010, I wasn't around very much. For Canada? No, no, Jamaica. They have a bobsled team. I know about that. That's something they should reboot.

Oh, yeah! All women reboot. Oh, boy. that's something they should reboot oh yeah cool runnings and all women cool runnings yes oh boy well I mean we're just stumbling upon gold

left and right I mean who's the new female Dougie fresh or Dougie Doug Wanda Sykes I get all the Dougies mixed up

I feel like Wanda Sykes maybe would be a good coach for the Leslie Jones gotta be in that too ah nice good call let's just name funny black women Rhonda Sykes maybe would be a good coach for the. Leslie Jones got to be in that too. Ah, nice. Good call.

Let's just name funny black women. No, you know what? I'm going to let Hollywood take this one. You're not going to pursue this script? No, maybe. Well, I'll write a template. I'll write a proposal. I mean, who's the new John Candy though uh tiffany haddish yeah okay she has a wide range yeah yeah yeah um so yeah what's up with you i uh yeah do anything interesting in the past day or so yeah well i was on Sophie Buttle's inaugural podcast.

It was up with Soph. Yep. And so I got to see your apartment for the very first time. Yeah, I got to. You need to clean your kitchen. Yeah, I had a fresh batch of moths too, which is real cute. Guys like that. In your kitchen?

Everywhere. My kitchen is a lot of my apartment and it's quite small. Why do you think you have so many moths? What are they feasting on in there? I don't know. Do you have a lot of wolves? Yeah. Wolves.

Do they like linen? No, that's the one thing they don't like. Oh. And that's the one thing I do like. Well, I guess they don't like polyester either. Oh, I do like it. I like a good polyester. I like wearing something that doesn't breathe at all and something that only breathes. It's your kink.

So you did that? Yeah. How was that? It was fun. What's the topic of this Sophie Buttle podcast? Sophie, it's Graham's turn to talk. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean It was fun. What's the topic of this Sophie Buttle podcast? Sophie, it's Graham's turn to talk. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't mean to jump in.

What's up with you? No, no. What is the topic of it? We talk about an article in Cosmo Magazine. We talk about- Oh, we lost the light. Uh-oh. It comes and goes.

Current events and then just general. Just stop with us. Yeah. General chit chat. Original. Yeah, I was away in Winnipeg. Winnipeg, Manitoba for their

International Fringe Festival and it went alright. It was a show that people either liked or did not like. You got some excellent reviews, though. I also got a very mean-spirited review. Did you?

Yeah. In a publication or just an internet person? No, no. Who wrote a mean review? CBC Winnipeg. What? Yeah, they were like, they really went off on what they would do with the show, which is a, I mean mean that's a bold

critic move if i was making this show this is what i would have done um anyway so it was fun it was fun and um there's this mall in winnipeg called the portage place mall and we've talked about this before which is yeah this is crazy weird dirt mall crazy crazy multi-leveled dirt mall and but i uh like like barbra streisand's basement and like i didn't know i'd never gone into any of the stores i'd gone into their food court i walked around but i never went into any of the stores on this trip i went into a store that everybody seemed to know about which was called stitches warehouse warehouse and like i think like stitches warehouse is the name of something and this is their outlet and and uh man they had clothes like clothes i can't even, I feel like I imagined them. Like, just like a onesie that says dope, you know, stuff like that.

And they had thousands of them. Right. And they were everything in the store, $10. So no matter what you picked up, if you're like, hey, here's one Guns N' Roses shirt, $10. And then there's one of, you know, like Yosemite Sam on a surfboard, $10. But these are all new shirts, but I don't know from where they came. I'm flummoxed. Well, I know Stitches, the store.

So what is Stitches? It's just kind of that. So this was Stitches Warehouse? This was Stitches Warehouse. I don't know if Stitches Warehouse is different from Stitches, but that's kind of what Stitches was like. So yeah, what's Stitches? Oh, wait. Do they have a jingle?

As soon as it's hot, we got Stitches. Is that right? That sounds about right. That seems like the right. I don't know. There was one at the mall that I used to go to in high school in Ottawa. And it was like, I mean, I think that a lot of the skater and kind of scene people went there. But it was also just kind of really cheap, shitty stuff.

So it was mostly young, poor people there. Yeah, yeah. YPPs. Like myself, yeah. You know me. Yeah, so I've never heard of this store before let alone been in one it was it was the best did you buy like a bong shaped like the roadrunner yeah what shape of bong did you buy i bought i bought a shirt that i feel is already falling apart like uh it was just a real summer

summer boy shirt has a little pattern of of sunglasses and flip flops on it. Like a button up? Nope, just a T. A T-shirt with a pattern. Yeah. They had hundreds and hundreds of them. Right. So I guess maybe at some point.

Ten bucks. Oh, you bet. Sounds like a dirt bag Daiso. Yeah. Oh, you bet. It's like a dirtbag Daiso. Yeah. And so I got to explore that, which is very, I was very stoked about that.

And we're, by the way, listener, we're going to be back in Winnipeg as a couple. Yeah, yeah. Graham and I are going to go on our romantic tour of Canada. Are you guys going to get married on the debaters? No, we're... It was in Winnipeg, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. We will be in Winnipeg on September 20-something. So we should have mentioned this at the beginning of the show.

We have a bunch of Canadian dates. Yeah. We're talking Winnipeg, Toronto, Saskatoon, Edmonton calgary maybe vancouver is announced by now probably not but uh yeah go to the episode recap and get tickets yeah man it's uh maximumfund.org okay maybe i'll go back to stitches warehouse warehouse and see see what what what do they have for fall maybe some sort of pattern of uh? Sure. Pumpkin spice. Yeah. Because I only saw their summer collection.

So I want to know. I want to know what else. You know they're good for every season. Yeah, absolutely. Their Christmas selection must be... Trashies. Like when you said it was a onesie? Like a grown-up onesie yeah yeah okay yeah what do they call that uh uh union suit what's a union suit i think that's what they call

a one-piece like pajama oh yeah yeah but that's what it is like an adult zip up pajama union suit it seems like it's related to the labor movement. Yeah, or maybe the war. Yeah. So, yeah, I went to Winnipeg. Had a great time. It wasn't super hot. Thought it was going to be super hot. It was hotter here than there.

Oh. Yeah, so, you know, I actually brought a jacket. Actually wore it. Whoa. Yeah, felt really, really in my element. I'd love to wear a jacket. Oh man. Yeah, it's the best. Even long sleeves. I love long

sleeves. Yeah, like, and this is the part of the summer where I really miss it. Like, I realize that I'm missing having fabric on my arms and my legs. Well, it's, we're recording this August 1st. Yeah. So only one more month of these. Yeah. I mean, September, the start of September is no picnic. Yeah. So only one more month of these. Yeah.

I mean, the start of September is no picnic. No. Especially, ugh, I've got to go back to school. Yeah, that's right. I've got to make new friends. Yeah. Because I got kicked out of my last school. Another year, another new school. Yeah, why did you get kicked out again?

Fire. Oh, because I duct taped a guy's butt shut. Oh, really? I brought a guy's butt shut. Oh, really? I brought a flare gun to school. So, yeah, that's what's up with me. I discovered a new level to the port. Speaking of bong shapes, when marijuana is legalized, is the bong world going to change? Yeah. Are there going to be world going to change? Yeah,

are there going to be more business bongs? One shaped like a business suit and a tie. Yeah, for a board meeting. One that looks

like a briefcase so you can bring it in all stealthy but it's glass. Just a glass briefcase filled with water and marijuana. Yeah, I think

like a fancy vape apparatus is going to become like very everywhere. I wonder if my parents are going to start smoking pot. I want all of our parents to start smoking pot. Should we invest in a classy marijuana company?

Like a classy vape company? Yeah. Ooh, you guys should sell bongs that look like you guys. What? Yeah. How should we make bongs that look like us? You should glass shape them.

Yeah. And then... And then I'll buy them. Just watch them fly off the shelves and then eventually end up at Stitcher's Warehouse. Yeah, I feel like Cheech and Chong,

they have their own line of like papers and bongs oh yeah yeah yeah yeah and like um and also maybe a strain of marijuana that i feel like i'm thinking of like a high-end thing that like peter fonda would smoke we should call our vape head the Fonda so that people really like the game oh

yeah yeah yeah very cool hi I'm Peter Fonda and there's nothing cool about a shitty ball is this a public

service announcement yeah I'm Peter Fonda and I approve this message. Oh, boy. Do we want to move on to some overheard? Sure. Kardashians.

Michael Cohen. Hashtags. Clickbait. Memes. Oh, wow. Debunking.-bunking regular sized bunking boaty McBoatface

do any of these words make sense to you? then maybe Trends Like These is the podcast you should be listening to we put out an episode every week on MaximumFun.org hosted by me, Travis McElroy. And me, Courtney Enloe. And me, Brent Black. Trends like these on MaximumFun.org. Because with trends like these, who needs any memes?

Ah? Ah? Yeah, that was great. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott. And we're Everything's Coming Up Simpsons. We're a Simpsons podcast on the Maximum Fun Network. And we've got some exciting news.

Tell me. We are going to be doing some live podcast shows in some of our favorite cities. We're so excited. And we want to let you guys know out there in the MaxFun universe that we are coming to you. Hell yeah. On Saturday, September 15th, we will be at the North Door in Austin, Texas. Yeehaw. On Saturday, December 1st, we will be at the Alamo

Drafthouse Sloan's Lake in Denver, Colorado. There's no basement in the Alamo. We'll find out. Friday, December 7th, we are going to be at the Vera Project in Seattle, Washington. Oh God, Nirvana. Yes. And Saturday, December 7th We are going to be at the Vera Project In Seattle, Washington Oh god, Nirvana Yes And Saturday, December 8th

We will be at Mississippi Studios In Portland, Oregon Hey, Matt Groening lives there Yes I once lived there He still lives there in our hearts So make sure that you mark your calendars For those dates

And we will be posting the ticketing links On our Twitter That is at Simpsons pod and we will smell you later overheard the segment in which uh those great things you out here out there in the world don't just give them to yourself share them and uh we always like to start with the guests. Sophie? Yes, I have two. Okay.

Okay. Do you want to go two in a row or do you want to go around the horn? Oh, whatever you guys. I'll just do, I'll go around the horn. Okay. So the first one was. Are you going to start strong or are you going to finish strong? I'm going to finish strong.

Okay, good. So this one, not great. Yeah, I know comedy. Okay, I'm just wondering. I want everyone to know what they're in for. So we can skip ahead. This is definitely not the best one, but I think it's pretty funny. Last weekend, my friend Kennedy was having her birthday party.

And there were a lot of like bro-y guys there. Kennedy seems like she'd know a lot of bro-y guys. I don't know this person. And like they weren't super bro-y. I think they were just guys. And they were like pretty drunk and they were acting bro-y guys. I don't know this person. And, like, they weren't super bro-y. I think they were just guys, and they were, like, pretty drunk, and they were acting bro-y. Well, that is the default setting. Yeah. Yeah.

And then this girl, do you know Kelsey Hamilton? Yep. Very funny comedian. Her and I were chatting, and all these guys were being super, like, they had just asked us if. Which way to the beach. That type of thing. Yeah. And then we heard them talking kind of nearby us,

and we were kind of making fun of them, like, ooh, I wonder what they were talking about. Like, probably business or whatever. And then we overheard them say Europe, and we were like, oh, they're talking about Europe. That's not bad. And then her boyfriend was in that group, so he came over later, and then she was like, what were you guys talking about, Europe? And he was like, no, Tom Segura, which is the opposite of Europe. That's true.

If you look in the dictionary, the opposite of Europe is Tom Segura. We just thought that was perfect. That's what we mistook. Dave, do you have one? I was, oh, you know what? I was, this is something that is so very close to that. This isn't my over. But it just, what you said reminded me of it.

I heard about people talking about how there was going to be a big outdoor screening of Jaws. And in my mind, I'm like, Jobs? The Ashton Kutcher movie? You know, we're all going to be floating in a pool watching Jobs it's going to be so scary you know

don't go back in the water no my overheard everybody's wearing turtlenecks oh boy I think that would be a pretty it would be hard

to It would be pretty fun. It would have to be all word of mouth. The movie would start late because they had to update the screen. Yeah.

The midnight screaming of jobs. Oh boy. Mine is so a place where I sometimes like to work is a public place. And there were some old guys, uh, playing bridge. And so they are sitting next to these old guys and they were, um, uh, there were like

four of them, I guess is how many it takes to play bridge. Right. Uh, and they, so they were, you know, in their late 70s, I'd say. And one of them, their phone started ringing and he didn't want to answer it. So he just let it ring. And one of the other guys, I guess the tech savvy one was like, press that button to make it stop ringing. You don't want to answer it.

So just press any button. Any button. Not that button to make it stop ringing. You don't want to answer it, so just press any button. Any button. Not that button! The guy pressed the button and answered the phone. Press any button. Hello? That would be great if you were on the other line, if you were the person calling and you just overheard them like devising a way not to to answer the phone that they've just answered

oh man um uh my overheard is courtesy of uh in winnipeg, they have a new restaurant that only serves macaroni and cheese. Ah, the Mac Shack. Oh, man, it was so good. What's it called? It was named after someone. It's like Keith's or something, or Eric's. There used to be a place here called the Mac Shack. Yeah.

Did you go? No. Is it closed? Probably. It's not a sustainable idea. But this place was like i went with uh and they have different types of mac and g yeah yeah so i went with uh tim gray uh the hunk the hunk one of the hunks i also appeared on their podcast which should be out by now i think um but so we each had our own and then we also split one,

which was insane because I thought like, that's the fullest I've ever, I just want to eat. Yeah. This is the one thing I hate about the summer is like, yeah, like a pasta would be so bad right now, but it's all I want.

Oh yeah. But a pasta salad in the summer. Delicious. Um, but yeah, this, this was like, like, the one I had was the, he had the Canadian and I had just like the, maybe like the Mexican variety. And then we shared an original. Oh boy. It was too much.

The waitress, she could have said, that's too much food. Is the Canadian, does it have bacon in it? Yeah. Yeah. have said that's too much food is the canadian uh is that bacon in it yeah okay yeah and uh there was also one that it was topped with uh crunched up old dutch uh salt and vinegar chips yeah so is before you we move on to well do you want to read i just like yeah i'll ask this question yeah you know blue sky in it. Yeah. You could design your perfect macaroni and cheese. Oh boy.

Yeah. I would do something like the top of it would be cheese curds, like a la a poutine. So like some sort of cheese curds, gravy, and then some sort of cracker crumble on top of all of that. And then. I love a crispy top. Like when they, when they make it in one of those little things and then they throw it in the oven and the top gets kind of like a creme brulee type and you gotta break it. Yeah. Anything with like a crusty top I'm into.

What about yours? I just, I want the very, very like, I want the cheese to be very strong. Like a stinky cheese? Yeah. Like a little bit stinky, but very creamy. Yeah. And I want maybe even broccoli or something that sops up cheese really well. Yeah. Something with some bite to it.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah, putting something that gives it a little crunch would be good too. Yeah. Well, that's why I love the idea of the broken chips on top. Yeah. You're getting double crunch. You're getting the creme brulee finish and the chips on top. Yeah.

We should open a Mac shop. Reopen. It's just boarded up downtown. Just break in and start making stuff. Um, but the table next to us, the only other table in the restaurant was a table 100% pregnant women. Oh, okay. So like six pregnant with a craving factory.

Can you like crack an egg on top of mine and like mix in a bunch of peanut butter? You don't have one that has fudge on it, do you? And they were talking about a friend of theirs, kid, who was just born a couple weeks before. And the one girl was saying, you know he's going to be a badass. His name is Bauer. Like Angela Bauer from Who's the Boss? I can't think of another Bauer.

No, he just loves... Jack Bauer, 24. Oh. He just loves to bow. Ah, yes. Oh, yes. Aha. Bow-wowser.

Now, you had another overheard. I do have another one. How do you spell Bauer? B-A-U-E-R or B-O-W-E-R? I'm thinking of the A-U-R, like the skate. Too many vowels. Yeah, but he's going to be badass. Yeah.

Badass Bauer. Oh, boy. Meanest man in the whole damn town. Your other overheard? Yeah, so my other one is a full disclosure. I have been telling it on stage because I thought it was so funny. But you know that all overheards belong to this show

yeah I know I signed over the rights so like any proceeds you make telling this show so I was walking down Davie home and I heard this homeless person really smugly say to this other homeless person that his dog is a rescue.

And I was like, maybe it is, but not yet. Zing. Yeah. I just thought it was perfect. It's so Vancouver. Like, it's just like, just the smugness in his voice is really funny. You know what? That's mostly your joke.

Yeah. I know. But I thought, I know it needs the kind of extra explanation. Yeah, yeah. But it's pretty funny. It is pretty good. Yeah. Yeah.

What was, Norm MacDonald had a bit about, like, the dog, he could be doing this without you. Yeah. Thanks for the scarf. I remember without you like yeah thanks for the scarf I remember he says thanks for the scarf yeah this dog had a scarf

he's like this just feels like the longest walk ever when I was in Whistler so they were doing the Ironman there's so many

it's a city for very rich people or very fit people or Australians yeah Whistler and this was uh, a city for very rich people or very fit people like there's Australia. Yeah. And, uh,

uh, this was, I saw a mostly very fit people. And one thing you see a lot of in the Ironman community apparently is on the back of a calf, the Ironman logo tattooed. Ah, what is the Ironman? It's like a little,

it's like a little circle on top of a it's a little it's like an I it's somehow an I and an M and a guy oh okay his hands are like an M oh yeah okay there's a dot on the top

it's sort of maybe the Bic logo as well that would be a cool tattoo that little Bic guy yeah logo as well. That would be a cool tattoo. That little bit guy. Yeah. And so there's the Iron Man and then the little tiny race that my daughter ran

and it was called the Iron Kids. And then I saw this dog wearing a bandana that said Iron Dog. What? And I don't know. Dog bicycle? I don't know if he's like a search and rescue. Searching and rescuing the people who don't make it. I don't know what that portion of it was. Man.

Yeah. Triathlon. I mean, good for everybody who tried. Yeah. That's where they put the tri in triathlon. Now we also have- What are your athlons that you do? Napathon.

Napathon, decathlon. You do the decathlon? I do the modern decathlon. So that is 10 activities. Here we go. Wake up. Shower. Yeah. Wake up. Shower. Yeah.

Craft time. Macaroni. Ukulele. Watch casino. Watch casino. Live blog casino. Telescope. Call my mom.

Rotoscope. And bedtime. Modern decathlon. Very good. Now, we also have overheard sent in to us from people all over the place. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to SPY. I feel like I've come up with some really fun questions in this episode. Really fun questions.

What's your Athlon? What's your macaroni? What thing would you put in your house? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I really like that. I'm still thinking about that one. Like, because sometimes I'll see a carpet at a hotel. Or one time I did a corporate at the Yacht Club,

and their carpet had, like like anchors and sails oh carpet like corporate carpet yeah yeah um i'd want that in my house where did i i must have stayed at a westin maybe that hotel we stayed at in toronto was a westin uh and then i guess i got on their mailing list and they just mailed me we have our mattresses for sale did you like the one you slept in? You can own it. Oh, when I was walking home the other day, there was a guy that biked by me and said,

hey, if you're looking, I think it's Holiday Inn or something. The Holiday Inn is throwing out all of its couches in the alley. And I was like, no, I already have bed bugs. No thank you. I'm fine. This desk or table that we I'm fine. This desk or table that we're sitting at

This hotel? was bought at a place that sells old hotel furniture. This is a great table. Yeah. It's fine. Think about the type

of meetings that were around this table. You know, you've got to pick it up or you're fired. You've got two weeks to turn it around. Now, this first overheard, it comes from Sue. I don't know where Sue's from, but this took place in Washington, D.C.

I walked up to the hostess stand at a restaurant in Washington, D.C. last night, and the woman immediately blurted out, do you see that they're filming Wonder Woman 2 right outside? It's so exciting. I said, that's great. I love Wonder Woman. Are you old enough to remember the TV show? She said, of course. I loved Linda Hamilton. My friend said, that was Linda Carter, actually. Anyways, can we get our table? And the woman said, oh, I'm not the hostess, and walks away. Don't you correct me. Oh, I'm not a hostess. I'm just a Wonder Woman fan.

Bye-bye. And then she flew away. I was thinking about, speaking of things filmed in Washington, D.C. Have you seen Election? Yes. With Reese Witherspoon? Yeah. That's one of my favorite movies.

That last scene, or one of the last scenes where he sees her in Washington. Yeah. And she's getting into the limo. Yeah, and he throws his drink at the limo. I was thinking about how perfectly it landed on. How satisfying that is. And it was like a smoothie, too. Like, it was thick.

Yeah. It got all over the place. I wonder how many takes it took. Just a whole table full of smoothies. And a whole line of limos. You've got to start fresh. Anyway, so, Wonder Woman. This next one comes from J.E. in the UK.

Two guys behind me at a bar. All I heard was, you know, ESP, extra sexual persuasion. Oh, nice. And extra sensory perception. ESP was a big thing back in the day. Yeah. I feel like it was a real 80s term. Fascination.

Oh, just the lettering of it. Now they would just say, what would you call someone? Oh, she's a psychic. Yeah. She's a Long Island medium. Yeah. Oh, a medium would be a good, yeah. But like.

The shirt, by the way. Medium. Long Island medium. Yeah. Oh, a medium would be a good. Yeah. But like, uh, the shirt, by the way, medium. Long Island? Yeah. Brooks Brothers. Um, this last one comes from a Megan from Alberta, but living in England. I was at a restaurant patio with my boyfriend and another couple. The table next to us is talking very loudly about the brother of one of them. Person one to the table, yeah, he's a vegan now, so we don't invite him over

much. Sister, he's not a vegan. Person one, I swear to God he is. Sister, he's celiac, you twat. It does, like, there is that thing of getting lost in dietary restrictions yes oh you love this place it's uh vegan i'm not a vegan i in fact i quite the opposite i only i can't eat nuts so yeah exactly it's uh it is yeah the uh it's weird that people there's like kind of a vein of stand-up comedy

that's like i didn't used to be all these food allergies i'm like yeah i think people were just having more like mystery like well i ate a thing and anyways i gotta pardon myself like my whole life i was i had stomach problems and then i found out that i was gluten intolerant and then i stopped eating gluten and i felt a lot better. And then everyone started making fun of me. So I was like, okay, I'll go back. Sorry. And now I eat bread again.

Yeah, I just like, I only eat it if I know there's a toilet nearby. Well, there usually is. My boyfriend was just on the phone and he was like kind of nervous because for his birthday with his family they always do this big pizza thing and he was like and it's just like it's just kind of like a tradition that we always go to this pizza place right and i'm like okay can i get like wings or something and he's like um probably i was like i'm fine fine. I'll just have pizza. I don't care. Yeah, can I have wings?

Those don't usually go with pizza. What's his pizza place? I don't know. It's in Hamilton. He's in Hamilton right now. Oh, okay. Well, I don't care. But, yeah.

Hungry, hungry Hamilton? Yeah. Heart-shaped pizza Hamilton. Was that Boston pizza that would do that? Yeah. Heart-shaped pizza? Yeah. The still?

Valentine's Day? Yeah, they'll do it on Valentine's Day. I think some places do it all year round. They should do... Jamrock shape on St. Patrick's Day. Yeah, what are the biggest... Big egg one. Yeah, what are the big holiday shapes? Turkey-shaped one on Thanksgiving.

Yeah. A menorah-shaped one for Hanukkah. Sure. That's a big pizza. Yeah. And really, like... That's a lot of breadsticks. A lot of arms, too.

It's hard to cook it evenly. Flag Day one's pretty easy. Oh, man. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Do you know the number? Let's all just name some numbers. Okay, let's see. 844-779.

You're doing it, man. I know. I wonder if I can. Okay, we think that's right. Yeah, yeah. 844-779- I can Okay we think that's right Yeah yeah 844-779-7631 Yeah that's it You did it

I just did it Yeah I climbed the mountain And how's the view up there? I feel like that little yodeling guy From From Walmart? The Price is Right

Oh From Walmart? Did you guys see the yodeling Oh the yodeling kid Yeah Oh, the yodeling kid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This I do not know. He was a little country yodeler, and he was yodeling in a Walmart, and then maybe got to yodel before a baseball game or something.

I don't know. Right. It was kind of the same story as Chewbacca Mom. Remember Chewbacca Mom? Oh, I remember Chewbacca Mom. She was very charming then you found out things about her look everyone is

like everyone's likable everyone has two minutes of likable in them yeah yeah yeah remember that guy who during the presidential thing asked them to say something nice about each other Ken Bone. Ken Bone.

And then he tried to capitalize off it. He tried to get like a reality show or something. And everyone was like, no, Ken. Stop that. I believe he did a Reddit AMA. Yeah. And he admitted to when there was that leak of celebrity nudes. I believe the wording he used was, I saw her butthole.

I liked it. That was going to be his question that he was going to ask to the presidential candidates. Did you see her butthole? Two-part question. More of a comment. Okay, phone calls. Hi, Dave Graham and incomparable guests. This is Alex.

I'm on vacation this week in North Carolina and calling in with an overheard. Fun. I was sitting at a mini golf place and a gaggle of teenagers walked in, and one of the teenagers was trying to help determine who would play first, and she suggested, how about we go by whoever brushed their teeth last? That's it. Off I go. How do you figure that out? You were all staring at the clock while you were brushing your teeth?

Yeah. I brush my teeth at the clock while you were brushing your teeth? Yeah. I brush with my teeth at the same time every day. 8 a.m. Sharp. When I got my electric toothbrush

a few years ago, and like, it's two minutes, it's 30 seconds per quadrant, there's no way around it. You have to sit there for two

minutes. At first, I took a very like earthy like this is just two minutes to to myself to you know to shut off from the world i'll relax don't i won't look at my phone what was i thinking someone just told me to do squats while i was brushing my teeth because it's like it's a boring time. So it's like a good time to do something else boring. Right. And I was like, I'm not going to get my toothbrush.

Yeah. I know. I'm not coordinated enough for that. Maybe do kegels. Yeah, maybe. Maybe. To see the toothbrush just flying out the window of your apartment. No. to see the toothbrush just flying out the window of your apartment. But when I,

like if I'm traveling or if I am at the gym and I don't have an electric toothbrush, it is not two minutes. No. No, I mean,

I basically just slide that brush once over every tooth. One and done. Get rid of that fuzzy bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you never toothbrush. Here's your next phone call.

Hi, this is Naomi calling in and overheard. I'm from Massachusetts. So I was actually in Maine with my brother's fiance for her bachelorette weekend. And a couple of the girls wanted to get new tattoos. And so we were in the tattoo parlor and we overheard two guys that work there talking to each other saying, dude, I can't believe that they let you use your mugshot for your ID.

So it's not all bad. Yeah, I mean, if you're old enough to get arrested, you're old enough to drink or whatever. Yeah. See this wanted poster? Look familiar. Didn't Donald Trump say a thing about how, you know, you've got to have your ID to buy groceries or whatever? Yeah, that was like yesterday. You've got to have your ID to buy groceries or whatever. Yeah, that was like yesterday.

And then the explanation, Sarah Sanders was like, oh, well, you have to use it if you buy beer and wine. So what's the difference? And it's like, because kids have to, like, so many things, Sarah. You don't need to prove your citizenship. He was thinking of back in the old days when you would pay with a check. Yeah. And then have to prove that it was. Like, but I don't think he's bought groceries ever, maybe.

And he doesn't pay for stuff either. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But, like, he's good, and I like him. You want to like him. Well, that was before, but now I do like him. You got there. Well, you know what?

I mean, I don't want this to be... We have a lot of conservative listeners. Yeah, that's true. And I get it. Because I'm that way, too. Your jobs? I'm Jaws, actually. I'm a shark,

but I, you know, I think guns should be everywhere, and Sharks should have guns. Sharks should have guns, and like, I like small government, and etc., and I'm easily swayed. Like big ties,

small government. Here's your final overheard. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Trevor in Springfield, Illinois, like big ties small cover here's your final overheard hello dave graham impossible guest this is uh trevor in springfield illinois calling me in with an overheard i was at a comedy show tonight and the power went out like right in the beginning but the show still went on but it was very hot in there so i uh stepped outside during the middle for a little bit and there's a lady outside smoking and i overheard her say to some guy, we used to call him sewage dick in high school. All right, guys, thanks a lot. Sewage dick?

Yeah. Boy, I mean, there's a lot of ways you could have got that reputation. And there's a lot of things people wouldn't remember about you in high school. Yeah. That's something. Yeah, maybe a couple years after high school, you kind of test the waters,

like, people still know me as Sush? Yes. Always and forever. Oh, man. Did you guys have, did you guys have, like, a nickname in high school? I was Easy Dave.

He had his own line of vape pens. I don't think so. No. Nothing like that. No, I didn't go ever. I feel like people called me who? Did you make it into the yearbook? Because I knew a lot of people who kind of never went to school and also didn't show up for yearbook photo day.

I think that I missed one yearbook photo. Okay. Did they do a cartoon in your place? I definitely missed the, like, you get your own. You can, like, do a funny quote in your grade 12 one. I definitely wasn't there for the day that you wrote those. So it was just Sophie nothing. Yeah, they didn't get my last name either.

Sophie nothing. I think there was a Sophie in my class. Sophie who? It came that one time. I never skipped elementary school, obviously. Very hard. Very hard to convince

any adult that you shouldn't be in school when you're wandering around the neighborhood. Hey, you kid, uh, day off today. Yeah.

But I never, uh, in high school, there was a system where they like it automatically robo called your house to tell you. we had that too. Yeah. I know.

So I, I mean, and also I had no, like I, I didn't mind being in school. I never wanted to do any homework. Yeah. But school was fine. But like, so I, I never skipped a single class.

Well, I have that robocall thing. There was like a three week period that my mom's cell phone wasn't working. So I skipped every single day. I skipped every day because I knew the calls went to her phone. And then after like three weeks, they called her at work. And they were like, hey, is Sophie still enrolled at our school? And she was like, yeah, I've been dropping her off every day in the morning. What do you mean?

Where would you go? I had to get right on the bus and go right back home. Every day. Yeah, that was like it was a long bus ride too we lived far away from my school

just get right back on the bus yeah good morning bus driver you may remember me from just getting off of the bus

I like my my mother was mostly home I think so like I don't know what I would do did you skip?

yeah yeah yeah I loved skipping it was the best. Did you skip? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved skipping. It was the best. Where would you go? We'd go to the mall. Yeah. Go to the mall, hang out at the food court. Nobody cared.

Nobody wanted to go to a group of teenagers and find out why they were skulking around a mall. So. Would you skip a day or just a class? No, I would skip. Like if I had a free period and I'd make it, I'd be like, let's make this a long weekend. You know what I mean?

How far was your school from the mall? Like driving or walking? Driving. Okay. Yeah. And, uh, but there also was like not far from our school.

There was a McDonald's and there was like, we had a Starbucks. Yeah. We had a Starbucks that had a 15 minute walk so everyone would go there at lunch and I would already be there because I'm not going

to go to school. I'm ready to hang out. Sophie's saved a table for us. I want to go to Sophie's place the Starbucks. I'm like welcome. I've been waiting. Yeah.

Sometimes you just walk around the neighborhood you know. Oh we also had a Blockbuster. We also used to go to Blockbuster. Nice. used to go to Blockbuster. Nice. It was pretty sweet.

Yeah. But I feel like in the States, I don't know if we have them in Canada, truancy officers that were like people who would- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Like grownups. Grownups that would go around looking for teenagers who were skipping school. States is so weird.

Ew. Like you probably have to elect a truancy officer. My opponent says he doesn't mind if kids skip class. I feel like anyone that's, like, trying to get that job is a pedophile, for sure. Look, let me tell you. Anyone trying to get any job is a pedophile. Have you ever been on Craigslist? Whoa.

If you have written a resume, are you a pedophile? Just like... I love the idea of the comedian who's just made these crazy we had too much tequila you might be a pedophile jeff foxworth oh boy well that's uh oh can i here's my

uh idea for a comic jeff shrexworthy and what does he do um most of the jokes you might be an ogre yeah you might be an ogre you might be a donkey half of the show is you might be an ogre you might be Farquhar Farquad Farquad? Farquad yeah who am I thinking of

um well that's the end of the show here and what an ending yeah uh Sophie when does your

podcast come out um next week if I can figure it out if Dave can tell me how to do it oh boy What an ending. Yeah. Sophie, when does your podcast come out? Next week, if I can figure it out, if Dave can tell me how to do it. Oh, boy. This is like the, I would be a millionaire if I charged people. I felt so bad because Graham kind of caught me off guard when he came over at the time that we planned. Yeah. And I was kind of still setting Zepp up and I was panicking so much because I've gone to, I was telling Graham that I've gone to podcasts where they're like, oh, I just need

to fiddle for like 18 more hours just before we get started. And it's the worst. We used to be that way. Yeah. Really? Yeah. Well, because we used to, we were holding the mic, so we kind of didn't know. Yeah.

We were trying to, it saves growing pains, you know? So you've got a podcast. Show me that smile. I didn't know. Yeah. It was trying to, it saves growing pains, you know? Um, so you've got a podcast. Show me that smile. Show me that smile. Uh, what else do you have coming up? Um,

well, I was going to ask people to vote for me for top comic. If this is coming out in the next, it's coming on Monday, Monday. Oh, okay. Awesome.

So yeah, if you could vote for me in top, how do you do that? You have to be in Canada, I believe, or have a Canadian, uh, mugshot. Yeah, well, I post the link on my Twitter

and my Instagram every day to get people to vote. And they just have to go, like you don't have to sign up for anything. No, you don't have to sign up for anything. It'll ask you your birthday because they want to make sure you're over 18. But as soon as you put that in, then you can just vote. And you can vote every day.

And so they find this on your Twitter? Yeah, my Twitter is at Sophie Buttle, B-U-D-D-L-E. And my Instagram, SophBuds. No one's clicking links on Instagram. A link is in bio. Link in bio. Link in bio, Dave. Link in park, link in bio. Link in bio, Dave. Link in park, Link in bio.

And yeah, vote for Sophie because you can win a big gob of money. Yeah, $25,000. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So this voting is to get to the finals. And then... And then that's when you find out who wins. Are we any of our other past guests in this?

Ryan Williams. Ryan Williams is And Vote for Ryan Yeah Oh Well you can vote For three people a day So yeah

Vote for Ryan No Vote for Sophie Three times Yeah Um Well thank you so much For being our guest

Oh thank you For having me on Um And uh Like we said earlier We're gonna be doing a bunch of live shows. September, October, all over Canada, unless you live east of Toronto. Yeah.

We tried, man, but the train don't go that far. Yeah. And thank you all so much for listening. If you want to follow us on Twitter we're at Stop Podcasting if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week

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