Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 543 - Emmett Hall

Episode Date: August 13, 2018

Comedian and musician Emmett Hall returns to talk Morocco, parking, and Just For Laughs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 543 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who can mix a real nice summer drink featuring sometimes a tequila, maybe sometimes a rum. No, you're not a rum guy. Tequila, vodka. That's it. Those are the two. Maybe a a rum. No, you're not a rum guy. Tequila. Vodka. That's it.

Those are the two. Maybe a bourbon. Mr. Dave Shumka. I'll do a gin if you need me to. Oh, gin. Damn it. I knew there was another clear that I was going to say. I'm going clear.

Yeah. That's what I call my bartending school. I mean, you have to sign a billion year contract. You have to hold two cans and get you to tell the truth. And I'm talking about the birds. You have to hold tropical birds. They tell you how close you are to mixing a tropical drink. I call it drinkonetics.

Drinkonetics. Yeah. Man, I remember those ads when I was a kid. They used to be on it just before I went to school, Dianetics commercials. And they featured Dave Mustaine was one of the guys who said, this really helped out my guitar playing. Dave Mustaine of Megadeth? Yeah.

And I was like, cool. And is he a Scientologist? I don't know. Or someone who just did the classes. Yeah. And I was like, cool. And he, is he a Scientologist? I don't know. Or someone who just did the classes? Yeah. Maybe he just did the classes. I'm auditing. I mean,

they do call it auditing. Auditing is when you, when you take a class, but you're not enrolled in it. That's right. In college. Yeah. And,

uh, yeah, Dave Mustaine. Anyways, don't know if he's a full, full patch member, but, uh,

he definitely benefited from Dianetics. So, maybe give him a try. I guess. Yeah. I'm guessing. Yeah. Yeah, that was the solo. I'm waiting for my introduction. No, I know.

You'll wait. You'll wait. Oh, our guest today. Yeah. An expert on Dave Mustaine. He's a comedian, a musician, a writer,

and a guest here on the show before. And we're glad to have him back. Emmett Hall is our guest. Turn down my headphones, please. It's true.

I need... Do you want... Yeah. Which one are you? You feel like this guy. You're three here. Turn it down as much as you want there. How's that?

That's good. Is that a good level? Yeah. Dave Mustaine. Sock it to us. Now that your headphones are down, you don't have to yell. Listen! I know he's a born again christian

now oh okay but i don't i didn't i didn't even know he was into dianetics he had he was searching searching for something that's for sure yeah he like i think he died from an overdose at one point and got oh and then something came back with him from the other side yeah he was born again is that what you mean by born again little xenu on the shoulder xenu uh we we think of xenu uh as synonymous with scientology but there's a xenu throughout literature xenu pops up throughout all all cultures uh that's warrior princess yeah uh um i think uh robin williams character on morgan mindy is a bit of a citrusy alcohol drink yeah sure yeah um uh let's get to know all of them before we die of stammering get to know us emmett it's been a while since you were here the last time uh you were here Emmett It's been a while

Since you were here The last time You were here You just returned From travels in Japan Although you've You were here After that

As a guest on Our debut album Yep And I made A quick little appearance On your Card Guys

Oh yeah Yeah And was put on the spot to do an Alan Rickman. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it's what we do

here. Yeah. And you know what? You did all right. Well, I did a voice that you guys said, oh, it's Alan Rickman. I went, I was doing

Alan Rickman. And then you're like, I got to get in touch with that. I worked on it for like 10 minutes after. That's a donor. That's a donor bonus

episode. If you would like to donate to Maximum, to our show, go to Maximum donor bonus episode. If you would like to donate to Maximum, to our show, go to MaximumFun.org. If you would like to donate, slash donate. Stop podcasting yourself.

I highly endorse it. What have you been working on for the last three months? I'm dead. It's gotta hurt like an impressionist when one of their

key impressions dies uh tell that to von meter oh boy have you ever heard that story no he had a like the number one selling comedy album of all time that was all jfk yeah him doing jfk impression yeah and so he was like one of the most famous comedians in the world. He's like, I'll be able to do this forever. Yeah. This gravy train will never cease. I remember in high school, there was the, um, like kind of like a work placement. You, you'd put in hours to go work with professionals or go interview professionals.

Uh, it was, I can't remember. It was some kind of elective class, but our instructor took us. She knew I wanted to be a painter and illustrator. So that one of the instructors took us to like a guy she knows that paints professional stamps. Okay. Professional painter of stamps. And he. Like he paints, does he do tiny paintings? Yeah, he's really small.

So he was talking, he works out of his garage and this is in a small little town. And he talked about how like he's been doing it since the eighties. And, uh, the biggest, biggest, most exciting one was the Ben Johnson. He got to paint Ben Johnson for the, is it 88 Olympics? 88 Olympics. This is a Ben Johnson for those, uh, for the uninitiated, uh, Canadian sprinter who broke the world record, won a gold medal and, and, uh, uh, turns out he was on steroids and lost it all.

And then years later would go on to race a horse. He could race a horse on that. Well, maybe he's did a stamp for that guy, but I just remember the moment of seeing that guy talk about, yeah, it's Ben Johnson. And then, uh, he got called out for steroids. Who knows? He just looked around. It was like, you could see it in his eyes. He looked, uh, he got called out for steroids. Who knows? He just looked around.

It was like, you could see it in his eyes. He looked around his sad garage and he's like, yeah, I lost a lot of money. Lossable money. You could just see. Oh. His moment of regret and, and resentment has been building ever since. So it's like Ben Johnson didn't even consider that eventually the guy who would paint his stamp would lose. And just think about that.

Just extrapolate that story into everything, merchandising. Yeah. How many people are banking on just one person? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, if Black Bart Simpson messes up, the guys selling bootleg shirts are going to be in trouble. Now, you just came back from another holiday you uh i was just telling you guys before we pressed record that i was in june

um before things get too hot that's when i decided to go yeah on a trip um because now the heat broke And I just want to say I'm here amongst Brethren of heat haters Yeah yeah We could probably start a side podcast Called heat haters I don't hate it I mean I hate the heat Don't get me wrong

I hate everything about it I think it would be cool We still got another hour of this together yeah oh boy and then some do you uh do any of the summertime activities you go to the beach or like because because some people hate the heat but they're like yeah but it's only like this uh little chunk of the year so i go to the beach i I go on a picnic, all these types. I'll do like a token thing once. Like I'll go to the beach once.

I'll go to a barbecue once. Right. I'll wear shorts once. What are your feelings about when people are like, what do you say to people who are like, oh, you got to enjoy it while it's here. Yeah. Oh boy.

No, it's all. Because so much. It's all ominous of like you like this now it's once get ready because it's going to be like this all the time that's true this is the the coldest summer you will ever remember it's so it's so portentous of like the end and this is we're in vancouver This is where it's nice. Yeah. This is where it's manageable. Yeah. And I hate it. Yeah. Yeah, that's true.

There's like, there's places where they're like, it's 31 in the shade or whatever. And that's ridiculous. And now I'm just anticipating ash and skies. Like, oh, we haven't had ash and skies yet. Yeah. Okay. Well, I guess it's not quite August yet we don't have

oh right oh you mean oh I was picturing like end time oh no it is end time I'm talking about forest fire season

it's now like it's just I was picturing the cover of Dianetics which is a volcano with maybe lightning and and uh

I've been subscribing to Diaretics oh no I'm way out of the loop anyways I gotta go yeah I'll be back

in a couple minutes but Dave Mustaine keeps having to interrupt his guitar solos to take a whiz so dehydrated

yeah cause like was it last summer or the summer before that was like where the sky was just like the sun was red yeah yeah and i was just like oh well this is encompassed in a gray quilt of yeah you're just like oh well i guess this is this is life now arborist detritus blowing into the air but like it's it's aug. Satan cooing to you at night.

So like we've, we've, I don't know if we're through the worst of it, but we're like, we're, we're through the, the days will not be as long as they were. Like the days are a full hour shorter than they were a month ago. Yes. And so like, we can't like the sun can't get us as much. Yeah, that's true. We've got that one up on the sun. But the moment it turns September 1st, I'm like,

Puppet Spice everything. And people are like, no, not yet. Just like corduroy hats, corduroy gloves. Yeah. Soon, my pretties. And Beelzebub goes to slumber um so you went over to London which is not

not summery even in the summer no this is middle of June uh I still had vacation days to use up I found a real

cheap flight to London direct WestJet no TV no TV what did you doJet no TV no TV what did you do they have no TV

on well you can you can transatlantic you can get an iPad thing I didn't on the way over I did on the way back

what did you do because I started with integrity on that trip and when I left I was a shell. So you just stared at the back of the chair in front of you? You read.

You Sudoku'd. Yeah. I developed Sudokus in my mind. It helps pass the time. Yeah, you're like a beautiful mind, but just like one through nine. London. I spent a couple days there. Just like one through nine. Uh, London. Uh-huh. I spent a couple of days there and, uh, and then I want, I thought I should go somewhere exotic.

Mm-hmm. And I, I chose, this is, I was either going to go to Ireland or Morocco. Oh, okay. Those were my two choices for me. Uh, and I ended up going to Morocco. Was the. Five, five days, I think. What was the flight to Morocco?

Was there a screen on that flight? Well, that kind of got screwed up because there was a, it was supposed to be London to Lisbon, Lisbon to Tangier. And my flight to London got delayed. So I got stuck in Lisbon for a day. What's, what's going on in Lisbon? I don't know. Portuguese. Yeah.

That's what's going on. I feel like that would be a fun date of, like, that's where you should have just gone. Yeah. I guess so. I went there,

I was like, oh, yeah, it's Europe again. Yeah, it is. Yeah, it's coffees

on the terrace and cobblestones and old things. I don't know. Oh, swoon. So, you spent a day and you were like, that's i've done it i had to i had no choice because

i was waiting for my my flight right to tangier the next day and then i got into tangier like two in the morning and immediately suckered by a taxi driver how so uh because it was two in the morning all that the taxis out there were like look if you want to you want me to drive you right to your hotel that's going to cost this much and i was like yeah i'll just pay that much yeah yeah this is how it works with taxis yeah i'll just do that and then uh he drove me right into uh tanger into the medina to a volcano and when i reached out my hand To get help

Before I dropped it He just You just took the money out Peeled out Yeah So what was the scam? Yeah He said

You agreed on a price Yeah And a place to go Yeah Drove me into Tangier, into the Medina, which is the old, um,

labyrinth area of the, where the, uh, old, old town basically. Uh, and I peel and we peel up to just a side of, is there,

just let me interrupt you one more time. Is Medina, uh, like a common word? Like, are there many Medinas around the world or is this the medina no no every i think i don't know if it's every um arabic village old town okay has a medina okay okay like a bazaar or something they all have a um some kind of medina like thing yeah but it's casbah surrounding the casbah so it's like the

fortress the palace is surrounded by the old the oldest part of town like when you go into any european town there's always like the old the old yeah yeah uh and that's where my hotel or read was which is kind of like a fancy bed and breakfast kind of thing. Right. But he drops me off, and... But your luggage, that's going to cost you. No, immediately, I'm, well, I'm super tired, and I'm immediately a white male projecting onto this, like, oh, who are these children playing soccer at two in the morning out in the streets?

Oh, they're just waiting to be, this is it. This is where you get pickpocket kind of thing. So I'm getting scared of like 11-year-olds. Yeah, yeah. Well, I am already in North America. Especially if they're showing physical prowess. So as I'm opening, they're dabbing, they're dabbing. It's like, yeah, I can't bounce that on my knee that many times.

They're doing the flossing dance they're so coordinated and so as I'm about to get up I'm about I'm opening up my wallet and the cab driver starts

flicking the light in the interior of the cab on and off oh and I keep on thinking he's doing it so that the kids

don't see me opening up my wallet on thinking he's doing it so that the kids don't see me opening up my wallet. I thought he was doing me a favor. No, no. No, no. He's just doing it to screw up my concentration and mix up my dirhams

with euros. Because they're both blue bills. Let me just turn on the blue light. What a shitty scam. Click, click, scam click click click let me open the fridge and close it a bunch also there's a guy just standing there in front of the cab waiting for us like i don't know so i keep on thinking this guy's like just trying to like the stupid tourist like all right i'll just i know you need to see your money but i don't want you to show these guys to see how much money you have. Anyway, opening up.

So I give this guy, I kid you not, like 60 bucks. And you had agreed on. I was like, geez, this is going to be like a $15 cab ride. Boy, this guy's really swindling me. I'm a real sucker. And then I end up paying for his week and then i get out of the cab the guy approaches us and he was like the nice uh re-add manager waiting for me to take my bag he's been waiting for my arrival all night long right he's just

like a nice friendly guy and the how much did you give that guy the kids are playing out there because it's ramadan and everyone's just chill all day no one can so everyone no one can eat all day so everyone just comes alive at night so kids they're just playing now are you allowed to play soccer in the day kids can kids can eat kids can smoke and stuff like that during it you have to be it's like puberty onwards you can't you have to do ramadan oh smoke. It's like puberty onwards. You can't. You have to do Ramadan. Oh, that's why when I was Muslim, I pretended I didn't go through puberty. Oh, right. For a long time. Be like when you go to a restaurant and then you have to order off the kids menu and your parents get you to lie.

They say that you're younger. They take you to a restaurant where they cannot eat during daylight hours. Get a rum and coke. No, just get a. No, no, no. Get a bunch of cigarettes. Yeah, light that cigarette. I just want to be around.

Yeah. Can you smoke? Can you exhale in my face? But that was an interesting thing going there in the last week of Ramadan, which means that no one's. How long is Ramadan? Four weeks? Yeah.

And that means from sunrise to sunset, they're not eating. They're not allowed to fight. They're not allowed to have sex. They're not allowed to smoke. They're not allowed to have sex. They're not allowed to smoke. They're not allowed to have water. That's the thing that blew me away. Was that you're not allowed to have water. Well, it's just the desert in the daytime.

What constitutes a fight? They're not allowed to, like, are you allowed to argue? I don't know, Dave. What constitutes a fight to you? I mean mean I guess This is We're obviously not Celebrating Ramadan

Well I think it's Too one sided Well it's rather Antagonistic Passive aggressive too I hope that's part of the thing Wait which one Passive aggressivity

Are you both Are you passive aggressive And antagonistic? I'm getting it from you Oh what am I doing oh you got a little bit out of me my voice so that exchange

would not be oh no but at night you're allowed to just start throwing out I think so all right I mean they're not no one's drinking there but you can you can feel the vibe

of everyone nicking out and then puffing down cigarettes come like 7.30 at night oh yeah and you went complete

like you don't have friends there you just went by yourself on this trip yeah I don't have friends what? you have friends but maybe not

in Morocco well every what three or four years you guys invite me here well we usually have you every year and we just forgot.

Yeah. But now we're back on schedule. I don't think you're supposed to lie during one round either. You're lucky it's over. I sent Graham a text that said, I don't think Emmett's

been on for like three years, and he was like, what? Yeah. It didn't seem right. Sometimes I'll just, like Graham books the show, and sometimes he forgets, and I just assume

he's had a fight with What? It's true Because I'm not on Roma I can have a fight Anytime Yeah Fight everybody

All the time Always Smoke in their face So as a tourist You go You want lunch At one In the afternoon

Well I was saying That they They have their restaurants Open for The few tourists That are there Kind of thing But not all the restaurants open for the few tourists that are there. But not all the restaurants.

Not all the restaurants. And you can't go to a hookah bar. No. And you're subjected to whatever those touristy restaurants will feed you. And what did you do during the day? Go to museums or just walk around? Yeah, I was... I spent... I was only there five days.

So I was supposed to be there two nights in Tangier. Five days seems like a long time. I think, yeah. That's a days. So I did, I was supposed to be there two nights in Tangier. And then. Five days seems like a long time. I think, yeah. That's a long time to be in a place. But that's an entire country. You could go, I didn't go to Marrakesh. I didn't go to Casablanca.

I didn't go to the desert. I was up in the mountains. And then I spent like four nights in a town called Chefchaouen, which is. You spent how many nights in a town called Chefchaouen? Four, I think. Four of your five? Yeah. Wow.

And I brought like some projects there. I brought a little laptop, a little music-y thing to work. And then I did some hikes. I went on the last day, I did this incredible hike up through these old rivers and stuff like that. Realizing the guide I was with.

He's also turning the light on and off. Yeah, like how are you doing this? How is a hike not free? realizing the guide I was with. He's also turning the light on and off. Like, how are you doing this? How is a hike not free? He rigged goats and stuff to like kick rocks down on me. But no, realizing all day he hadn't had water. And I was,

I was sweating so hard. Like it was brutal. Just this, it was, you're, you're waiting. I was in my shoes walking through the water and waiting up to your knees and stuff like that.

And like climbing, there was no trails. Like you're climbing on sides of rocks and stuff like that. And realizing this guy's like, I can't even have a sip. Like I can't even lick at my salty sweat to get. Well, the walking through water,

he can't even accidentally splash some up. Oops, I'm splashed. I don't know. Oops, I'm splashed. I don't know. Oops, I fell down face first in the water. He just kept asking me to drink more water and then he'd stare at me. Yeah. Just have another sip.

Yeah. He smoked a cigarette? Yeah. Tell me what it's like. Describe it. Get in a fight with that guy over there. See that goat? Fight it. it yeah and then eat it um that's uh you're not allowed to fight animals uh but like going on a holiday by yourself especially to a town that i don't know like

that sounds off the beaten path. How did you find out about this town? Oh, Chefchaouen's pretty touristy kind of thing. Okay. It's completely- It's like the whistler of- Yeah.

It's completely painted in blue, like this kind of cobalt blue. How do you spell it? C-O-B-A-L-T. Yeah. Or B-L-U-E. You want to be easy about it. How do you spell Shefshowan? C-H-E-F-C-H-A-O-U-E-N, I think.

Okay. I didn't know it was an S-H thing. I think every girl with wanderlust who puts a photo on on Instagram has like a picture of Chef Xiaowen. Oh, it's a real Instagram. And also apparently Morocco is a huge. Oh, wow. It's super enticing for Asian. Chinese are constantly coming there so much so that they've got two specific Chinese restaurants in this little town of

oh really yeah and then all the all the Chinese people are just like well that's where I'm eating yeah just go and eat there

Ramadan for me yeah it's true though you can only eat so many tagines like that's yeah what's the what is the food like it's

but like also rocket food's great but you they have the same thing every night apparently like couscous or rice tagine

and it's all like greasy and hot and they just pour sugar into their tea it's everything sweet and greasy the look of pain on your face

it is weird though that like you visit other places because we live in a place that is a land of immigrants and there's every kind of food.

That's true. And so you go somewhere and like, you know, you grow up and in school you're like, oh, your last name's, you know, O'Neill. Oh, you're Irish. Yeah. Oh, your last name is, you know, something Italian. And like, right. And then everyone in Morocco is like, well, your last name is Moroccan. Jeff Moroccan.

Brad Moroccan. And like yeah yeah just like you just get the one type of food i mean hey i i only was in this one town and tangier for a day so i don't know what southern moroccan food is like comparatively so i like there wasn't like just like a donair shop. There was, there was no place to just get, you get your, you get some greasy sandwiches. It was, I,

I don't know. And the pizzas, they're like, yeah, yeah. He wants, I'd ask sugar on it. See the guy just dumping a bag of sugar on top of a pizza.

Um, whatever. When I, when I asked like the, the guy who ran the reed, like where, where should I go eat? Oh, there's a good pizza place over here. I'm like, I don't want pizza.

He's like, yes, you do, because you don't want to eat a salty chicken and cucumber salad again. He's totally projecting onto me. He's like, I want the vacation you're having, and I want you to leave. I want to eat pizza I'm not allowed Oh wow That was I've always been curious

I've always wanted to go to Morocco But I wouldn't know what to do Yeah I didn't know what to do either Have you seen Casablanca? Yes I think that's why I want to go to Morocco I haven't and maybe that's why I don I want to go to Morocco. I haven't. And maybe that's why I don't want to go to Morocco.

Yeah. Also, Abby has been and says it's the worst place she's ever been. Well, that's what a lot of people were saying was like, everywhere in Morocco is amazing.

Don't go to Casablanca. Oh, really? Yeah. Because even in Casablanca, they're like, we'll always have Paris, right? And then I went to Paris after. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. And what'd you do in Paris? Uh, I fell in love. I fell in love. I, I do. Oh,

I, I worked there for a year, so I still have really old, uh, colleagues that I'm trying to maintain some kind of connection with. So I saw buddies I hadn't seen in like 10, 15 years. That was good. That's cool.

Yeah. What'd you guys do? When you say you try to maintain a connection with them, how often do you like message them? Like once every five years. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like that with like college friends. So I'm like, yeah yeah I'd love to have

a drink with you if you're in town yeah but it's the kind of thing where I go like if I so happen to end up in Paris or something like that

that I can go do you want to be my friend again for a few like for a couple hours I know it's been a long time but I don't want to have completely alienated

our connection yeah yeah and you can catch up on old whatever I don't know it was great everyone was great

luckily I didn't go oh boy you turned out shit wait a minute do you miss Paris at all or was that just a different time oh sure it's yeah or was that just a different time? Oh, boy.

Sure, it's, yeah, yeah, it's, you know what's weird though is, you guys have been? Yeah.

You know how, so the, the general architecture is by Hausmann, which was Napoleon III who basically excavated

all the city and rebuilt the infrastructure and houseman was the main city planner architect and so that's that kind of like big yellowy beige structure you see in all of paris that's got the bay windows at the very top with their kind of gray uh tilted slanted roofs yeah i don't know and you go if you went if you go there it's just it's just ubiquitous with what you see how you see paris right i see paris i see france i see something something pants yeah underpants yeah some i see london i see france yeah and you go like oh it's so romantic it's beautiful and stuff i wonder if people when when they made that,

everyone was like, this is all the same shit. This is all the same futuristic architecture saying this is how we all have to live. It's almost like going around Vancouver

and being like, everything's Olympic Village. Yeah, everything's a glass building. Yeah. Great. I wonder if that's what Paris looked like in 1886

or whatever when Haussmann was like, yep, this is how we're all living now. And I'm like, oh boy. In a hundred years, people will come here and they House was like, yep, this is how we're all living now. In a hundred years, people will come here and they'll be like, oh, I love the romance of these glass structures. This Superman-like city. Sitting at the J.J. Bean, Paris, Starbucks. I was eating, how do you say, pho? No, how do you say how you say

pho? No, how you say you say pho? How you say it? There was a carton of donuts. So good trip all in all?

Yeah, I've had kind of bad luck with trips in my life. They're always by myself. This one was relatively decent compared to me. Do you think you'll ever find love? At the rate I'm at now with trips in my life they're always by myself this one was relatively decent compared do you think you'll ever find love at the rate i'm at now no no what if you speed things up yeah or

slow it down change completely yeah i'm going that route yeah? Yeah, full change. What would you change? Yeah. Personality or body? Or face. Those are the three things you could change. I think my voice, so I wouldn't sound like a depressed Kermit the Frog. Oh, okay. So you hear it, too. I hear it.

Oh, yeah. I don't know. I suppose something sort of... Is Alan Rickman here? No. If I was talking like Alan Rickman, I would be talking like this. Would you like to love me? Hello.

See, Alan Rickman, he knows what consent. Would you like to love me? Would you like to love me? I've tried Tinder. It does not work for me. So I'm approaching you directly. What about Bumble? Bumble.

I just want to hear you say Bumble. The women must speak first on Bumble. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know anything past Tinder. That's the one. Yeah, I ditched those anything past Tinder. That's a lot. Yeah. I ditched those Tinder and Bumble.

I'm done. That's, it's a horrible world. It's a horrible world. Cause you're seeing the same person. They might not be specifically the same person, but the same person is representing themselves over and over again. Like the girl might be named Trish and she might be named Jennyenny but either way she loves the outdoors looking for a partner in crime they like um tacos yes please sarcasm is my second language and i swiped right because of your dog

like it's like wow i just that's you're trying to sell me on an individual and you just said the last thing but maybe they maybe there's just a template out there that you can just download. And then, you know. I put the template through a 3D printer and printed out my girlfriend. And I fed her tacos. And she likes her bourbon neat. Like a man. Oh. Okay. And she likes her bourbon neat Like a man Oh Okay

It took a spooky turn there He's more like Buffalo Bill From Silence of the Wilds now Can we not speak to him again? Yeah, that's just talking through my teeth Oh yeah I suppose I can do that too Let me ask you this, Dave

As a dad I never get asked Stuff As a dad Have you got to the point Where you Where you talk Through your teeth

To your kid To show how angry you are That was my dad's move And it's The craziest Where Yeah Listen

When you No If you try that One more time No I'm pretty good at And it's been tough But like sometimes I have to walk away when, like when nothing's working. But like. Smash plates.

Yeah. But like, I'm, I'm pretty good at, um, just like, you know, uh, like motivating them with food. Oh yeah. want dessert then eat your dinner yeah yeah yeah oh so it's all bribery yeah appeasing negotiating yeah yeah yeah extortion but did they did your parents do the teeth talking when you were a little kid i don't know yeah was it when you were a teenager and they're like No I can remember my dad Like I was trying to Swindle my way

Into another hour of TV And my dad was like Listen If I see you Sitting in front of that Shitbox For another hour I swear to Christ

What was wrong with your TV? Yeah Why was it What were you trying to watch? See cable channel Was just shit shows. Oh, shit channel. Right.

It's Weagle Express. Thomas the Tank shit. Septic Suzanne. But what? Yeah, I feel like I don't remember the, the, I don't think the, uh...

I don't think I was scared of my dad until I was older. Yeah. Although, my dad had, like, he, you know, he had some very well-placed kind of, like, freakouts. So that he would buy a lot of, like, we don't want to push dad to a freak out. Yeah, my dad, the thing was his ability to like the wrinkles on his forehead. That was the like, okay, we've upset dad. Yeah, okay. Graham, your dad wouldn't go like start doing like that.

Okay, stand up. Okay, I got to take a break. You'm just going to stand up. All right. I'm blazing. Okay, I got to take a break. You know what? Just need a glass of water. My dad, Al Pacino. Yeah. Okay.

Like a, like the I am you. Show me this report card. Daddy needs to go on a run. Can you do Al Pacino but like you're threatening John

McClane? John McClane? Alan Rickman was. Okay, so what am I doing here? No, I liked Al Pacino's mad about your report card. Oh boy. No, he wouldn't.

Someone is smoking in the darks of the Hashimoto building. Someone's smoking! It's Christmas! The weird thing about that movie is they're having

Hashimoto buildings. Is that what it is? Yakitori. Yakitori Tower? Yakim. No. Yakitori,? Yakim. No. Yakitori, the sizzling chicken stick. And I will have the sizzling chicken stick.

It was the only tower designed after a stick of chicken. But that movie takes place on Christmas Eve, if I'm not mistaken. Who has their work party on Christmas Eve? A girl's Tinder profile will often say, and yes, Die Hard is a Christmas movie. Like, way to my heart. Yeah, there's a, you know, it is, is sure i guess it's a christmas movie but like why couldn't it just take place on december 17th is it christmas eve yeah yeah for some reason i think people live

in that building i think that's part of it because he takes off his shoes he's in a like in a hotel room so there's no it's in like a... Well, he doesn't walk to the building without shoes on. He takes them off in like the office has like a shower area. Oh, okay. Maybe so there's not rooms in it? I don't believe so.

Does he get room service? It's a hotel, you're right. Some sizzling chicken sticks. Pacamaro Bros. Some sizzling chicken sticks. Pacamaro Bros. Some sizzling chicken sticks. You know, he was 33 when he made that movie. Really? You watch that movie and I go, I am like four years older than that guy.

He was supposed to be hard living, this guy. He's a New York City cop. Like you can smell his musk through that movie. Oh, yeah. It's probably one of the muskier films out there Now that I think about it Because he only gets more musky As the film goes on He gets off a plane at the start

It's so musky He's got to take his shoes off It starts with him Taking his shoes off And he's like Yeah just a real I don't know. Hitch me this movie. Chicken stick tower, shoes off.

Guy you're older than is your dad. And then like, isn't one of the things. Nakatomi Tower. Nakatomi. Oh, it's Nakatori. But by the way, while Googling that, I Googled Die Hard Tower, and it suggested the Die Hard Tower scene. Oh, it's my favorite scene in Die Hard where they're in the tower. Did I say Hashimoto?

No. Isn't that the thyroid disease? No, you did not. You said Yakitori. No, I said Yakitori second. Oh, yeah, maybe you said Hashimoto. You said a lot of racist things. I've been to Japan.

I'm not racist. There you go. Case closed. I stayed in a pod hotel. On my passport it says I can say whatever I want. You got some pretty interesting stamps in the old passport. I don't. America?

That's it. That's it? Yeah, it's a new passport. You've been to America? That's it. That's it? Yeah, it's a new passport. You've been to London? Oh, I see. Do you have to read every passport you have to prove yourself? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I could revisit the same country again. I'm just talking. Just get that cool stamp.

They used to put stickers on trunks. That used to be a thing Who's they though? The country that you would go to Cause like That was like a cartoon gag You'd get a trunk The ministry of steam trunks Put a sticker on it

So everybody knows it's been officially through Here I don't know, I don't know how things used to work I once bought Abby this book of Louis Vuitton. It's a coffee table book of all the famous trunks that Louis Vuitton made. Oh, nice. That's a good coffee table book. And we look at the book all the time.

It's one of the things we read every day. Your kid's dad. Can you show us the trunk book again? Of course. Well, you know what? Mom's using it right now, but in a few minutes. your kid's dad can you show us the trunk book again of course well you know what mom's using it right now but in a few minutes you'll have your

we should get a second one now that we have kids yeah yeah yeah spread the word throughout the entire house you need a bag just for a hat one hat

one hat one bag It was a decadent time. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, here's what's going on with me. I'm at the place I work. I drive my car.

Taxi driver. Yeah, I'm a taxi driver. Got it. What's going on with you? Nailed it. Are you looking at me? Alan Rickman in Taxi Driver. Very good. Very good.

So, yeah, I drive. And the culture of my workplace is every conversation is about parking. Someone every day says where they park the car. Right. Because in the neighborhood, there's always the chance that you can find a parking spot that is free all day. Oh, yeah. There's a few streets around us that have free all day parking. There's a lot of streets around us that have one and two hour parking and you will get

a ticket if you do not move your car. Okay. And then there are a few places where you can pay $2 an hour to park at a meter. And there's a different street where you can pay $3 an hour to park at a meter And the meters require Upkeep every two hours, you need to go And replenish Oh, you can use the app

To pay, or you can use coins Coins don't work But you can park there all day as long as you keep paying? No, the app won't let you Pay for the It won't let you go more than two hours on the same block wow so how much of your day is spent driving around a lot there's a lot like there's a lot of like okay well okay we wanted to get a coffee at one but i gotta move my car at 1 30

so can we push that back and before even even that day starts, you're going like, okay, I'm going to start my day hunting for the prime spot. Yeah. That doesn't work out, so then you have to go, okay, next day. So prime spot is all day free.

All day free, yes. And then second down is two hour. Well, we've just found, and my coworker, Pat Kelly, there's also this parking lot where some days nobody comes and checks to see if anyone's paid for parking. And for months he parked there and he had this theory that he was in this one spot that wasn't patrolled because the parking lot is broken up into two sections.

And then there's this like annex. So for months he was parking in this one spot and then he got a ticket. But then like, does that all work out? Pardon? Does that all work out money wise? Oh, of course. If you pay one ticket.

Oh yeah. Yeah. Oh, he had, he could. Yeah. So it's like, it's not the cool bar anymore. Nah. They found out how to ticket that place. Yeah.

Yeah. Somebody blew up your spot. So this is the, this is like, and I'll make jokes at other people in the office talking about parking. Like, do we have to talk about parking? But when I get a good spot, I'll talk about it. Sure. It restarts the whole conversation. You guys wouldn't believe this.

Guys, I'm taking the day off because this is too good. I'm going to sit in my car. I'm taking the day off. Because this is too good. I'm going to sit in my car. I'm just going to enjoy this. And like to the point now where like some days I'm leaving and I see really good spots because everyone's left for the day. I'm like, oh, I could just park my car here all night. I won't have to move for 24 hours. Just walk home. I'll walk home and then walk back to work.

Oh, boy. So it's, yeah, but now we have discovered this one set of five spots that is good. As long as you get there. It's a parking oasis. As long as you get. Is that a mirage? I don't believe it. It's in this zone where you cannot park until 9 a.m.

And you cannot park after 3. but you can get those 6 hours juicy work time so it's gotten to the point of like I've left the house at like 8.53 with my shoes untied and my belt undone because I

I need to get this spot one of these five spots. I wonder if there's a study like of, um, cities that have better, uh, I think like efficiency, like better income in terms of like, I don't know how I'm putting this. Me neither. When there's free parking, it's like, no, no no you see so many people get are so much more efficient at their job thinking about a parking spot so that the economy of the city

goes and then it pays for itself all right parking kind of thing right the thing is like it's so frustrating to have to pay for parking when there are free spots around like when you're like oh because some days it's the entire it's like me getting swindled by uh out of yeah yeah yeah 10 bucks i'm like i can afford 10 bucks but it's the principle of getting yeah like if i cheated like because i know as soon as i pay for parking i'm gonna see a free spot between while i'm walking and those meters are gonna be laughing at you. They've got little cameras in them. Ah! I mean, it's an area where it's like buses are far enough away

that I might as well just walk. Right. Yeah. Like I would have to take at least two buses and then walk seven blocks. Yeah. Or six blocks. So it's worth the stress and frustration.

Well, I mean, admit that you enjoy the thrill of it just a little. I like the thrill of it and, of course, I prefer driving to walking

in any weather. Yeah. But the thrill of the hunt has got to be. I mean, you do get quite a charge when you're like, oh, I,

like today I turned the corner and it looked to me like I got there at 903. And these never honked your horn out of excitement. Like I do honk my horn a lot out of like, oops, I was trying to get out of my car while wearing my shoulder bag, which I drove in the whole time. So I wouldn't be like. Have you ever had a standoff with a coworker over the same spot? No. I will always back down.

In a parking situation? Yeah, yeah. I mean, it's. The thrill of the hunt is one thing, but you're not there just to park. You know, you've got a job to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So anyway, this is, this is all I, I like, it's, it's a big enough portion of my life that I'm surprised it's taken me so many months to bring it up. It is funny though.

When people get, uh, I've noticed that I've been in rooms where everybody else is driven and they'll start talking about parking unaware that to the person that does not have a car this could they honestly could not be more boring like if they were talking about how they warm up their oatmeal would still be more interesting i use my rice maker but yeah they but the passion with which people will talk about parking for long stretches of time. You have eggs first thing in the morning? No, I'm just being the guy who's like, I don't even do that. I do sous vide. Gross.

Sous vide. So thank you. What do you have for breakfast? Is it oatmeal? I go through phases. I'm in an egg phase right now. I'm like Bruce Willis. I have coffee and a cigarette.

Load my gun. Like any 33-year-old. Yeah, exactly. I swear at the world. Put on your undershirt. Exactly. My unbloodied undershirt. Yeah, and then I begin my day.

What do you have? The past while, i haven't been eating a lot of breakfast because i wait until i get to work do you think it's one of the lesser important meals of the day these days all this um ketogenic uh intermittent fasting talk there's doll talking don't eat breakfast don't eat for 16 hours oh really yeah and then your body eats away at its fat and then it's ready to kick into some kind of like i thought it was insulin no no you're supposed to like you have a 12 hour eight hour window of eating and six i don't know i thought it was like if you don't eat all the time then your body thinks you're starving and then it starts

getting it starts eating with the reserves apparently but it'll hold on to whatever calories you do eat it'll hold on to it'll be different next week well i've heard that eating ain't cheating yeah yeah yeah no you've heard that you've heard that correctly um so have you been doing that no uh but what am i work my current job they um they bring in free snacks and fruits and vegetables and stuff like that. That's good. So I just wait until I get to work and then have a free coffee there and then the banana and then their granola bars they provide there. That's breakfast, man.

You just had yourself a breakfast. Yeah, you just scammed a breakfast. Is there lunchtime stuff that comes through? No. No, I said no salary, just give me the breakfast. Yeah. Because I've known people who have worked at places that have like a cafeteria that's part of their job. Like they don't pay, they just go to the cafeteria and they get free.

And it sounds so nice. It sounds so nice because it's a different thing every day. No, my work tries to do healthy foods. Right. But anything that comes in a bag, there's no way. Even if it is dehydrated yam crisps, they're still salted or something like that. So it's very easy to just like, oh, I guess I can eat as much of this as I want. There's like cliff bars and stuff like that.

You can't. You can't survive on cliff bars. No, you can't eat like two, three cliff bars a day. That's just weird. No, yeah. Soy extract. They are really cakey. Yeah.

It's really weird. You can, I can see the ooze that what a cliff bar once was. Right. Yeah. It was like a, it was a goo. It was a goo that then a machine went and then sealed up in a yeah it's a goo a hardened goo a hardened goo much like bruce willis uh what's up with you graham um i was in uh so you were talking about how boring it is when

people talk about parking was Was that boring? No. I was saying when people get into No, not you, other people. No, when people are talking about their parking experiences to one another and you're like, well, no. Especially if it's in the context of your work, where you're like, we're all at the same

job and this is what your life consists of? No, but it's like, it's like there's no entry point if you don't, if you don't drive. There's no like, well, I remember back when I drove.

Like there's, it's only about today, man, this parking conversation. It's about what, what kind of parking you got that day. Maybe, maybe last week if you scored a really nice spot.

Tell you what, so Dave talking about it right now is interesting yeah plus the context of this plus we're being nice to him about it but if you had to listen to this every day it's brutal yeah i do like the start when i start like projecting on the quest aspect of it of like you were saying a good day is when I do the Cirque, I do the hunt. I do like the Safari. Uh,

like I set the perimeters. I go through the local things. Then I, okay, that's out of the question. What's the next step down? All right. What time is it?

Okay. These guys, I mean, this is it ever the same guy yoga, yoga, mataposture place. Oh yeah. No,

there's people who live in their cars. They're absolutely, they're the king of parking. Honey, days in a row yoga mat upholstery place oh yeah there's people who live in their cars there too they're absolutely they're the king of parking honey I'm not coming home this week

no you understand and it's not a good thing but it's like but there's like people who like can I talk to little Jack

please please I haven't seen him in a few days there are like you want to come see the parking spot Jackie

this weekend what do you call it when it's like it's not an RV but it's got There are like Do you want to come see the parking spot Jackie? This weekend? What do you call it when it's like It's not an RV but it's It looks like an RV and it's attached to The top like it's in the cab of a pickup truck Oh yeah A lot of those down there? A few

But they win at parking? Yeah And like they don't, they can't lose. No, that's true. They have their pick of the spots after everybody's left for the day. Oh man. But are they always in the same spots? Sometimes.

Sometimes they're there for many days. Sometimes they'll cross to the other side of the street. Sure. Probably because they've gotten a notice from the city saying, you've been here too long. You see somebody like throwing out their gray water onto the curb each morning. Yeah. Well, if I was there that early, I'd get a pretty good spot. Hi, Dave.

Care for some oatmeal? Would you make it in? All right, let's go here. Okay. That's what I use. Yeah, I went to Montreal for the Je Spourir

you did? comedy festival yeah what? yeah last episode we recorded yesterday yeah

you're talking about going to Winnipeg that's right was this before or after Winnipeg? this was after Winnipeg so I went from Winnipeg

to Montreal. I noticed you posted pictures of a little Graham doll. Yeah, yeah. In Montreal. In Montreal. I thought someone had taken a little doll there and you were posting pictures. They were taking pictures for you on your behalf. Yeah, yeah.

I wanted it to look like that. And then somebody told me right away that Jimmy Carr does the same thing. So I stopped doing it. Oh. I didn't know. I don't follow anybody on instagram i didn't know that jimmy car is this like the traveling gnome thing it was just like somebody gave me in winnipeg a little uh stuffed creature that looked like me so i just posed it around montreal saying what a great time i was having in montreal and uh it was it fun. This is like the first time I like traveled outside of the zone of the festival. Actually like went and explored Montreal and, uh, what a city, what a city. What'd you do?

I went, I had a nice lunch. I went to a bunch of vintage shops. Exactly. I, uh, yeah. I'm being the, the, uh, soundtrack. Exactly. I'm being the soundtrack to your experience. And Here we go. Yeah.

Because there's But like the way that the festival is set up, it's all in one hotel and the hotel is attached to a mall so you can just never living the dream yeah like you can go to kind of everything that's going on during the day just take an elevator down to the conference rooms and then you just go down and hang out in the mall but you the shows aren't in the conference room no but they're very close they're like across the street from the hotel. So you can just stay in a block. You get on the hotel, you see a famous comedian, you go, hey man, and they go,

hey man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you go, having a good fest. You say something like that and they go, why are you talking to me? I'm Jimmy Carr. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I heard you doing my bit. No, that's not how he laughs.

He's got an inhale laugh. He does. He goes, how do you do that? There you go. No. Anyways, he was there. I can do Rickman. I mean.

Well, he can, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I can do Rickman. i mean can you yeah yeah and i can't do rickman al pacino is alan rickman in rickman um scent of a rickman and this mall that it's attached to real fancy mall oh and they have this fountain that i guess like the fountain does a show every hour. Like, music comes on and lights. Is the fountain, like, does it want to do the show or is it, like, denigrated? Somebody's there with a whip.

This whip's still watered. It goes. So, it's this weird thing that people, like, stop in the mall and then all gather. I've never seen anything. Is there music? Yeah, there's music, lights. Montreal is the place that we're doing the music on the space. And you guys both speak French.

And you guys both speak French. Fuck was he? I don't speak it. But you look it. I thank you. And they used to, when I would go to Montreal, the default was they would just start speaking to you in French. But now everybody in every store everywhere you go goes, hello, bonjour. So they give you an instant out to not have to fumble around for a minute of them asking you a very simple question in French.

Uh-huh. Bonjour now. Yeah, that's the third option. So that was a new addition. Yeah, you get a lot of hello, bonjour from Air Canada. Yeah. Yeah, and it's really, it's gone into your subways, your Quiznos, your A&Ws. So you hit all the spots.

Yeah, this was all the places in the mall that I could eat at. You said you went to other parts of the city, though. I did. I walked around. But you keep coming back to that mall. It's what I know best of Montreal. Yeah, so I saw a water fountain do a show, which I never thought I'd see. How long a show?

Like, substantial. Like a 10-minute show. Oh, wow. Yeah. How often? Intermission. The show will restart. How will it end?

But it like. Does it have a little overture before it? Like an old movie? A little instrument. Yeah. It's like a little version. People warming up. And it was like the people in the food court Must be like Well this is our break

Like We can't compete With fountain So everybody outside Would you like to meet The water after the show It's just in a bucket Shaking hands

Grey water Say hello to the kids So yeah So I Went around Went to some vintage shops Bought some vintage stuff What would you buy?

I bought a A really cool Tina Turner t-shirt What vintage? 80s It said Simply the Best on it Oh cool And

Her You know Showing off her gams Oh that's what she's known for Yeah That was when I was a kid I remember distinctly Like being like Tina Turner's's legs are really being aggressively marketed to me. Yeah.

Yeah. And her like fry guy hair. From that private dance job. Like it was crazy. Fry guy. Um, the, uh, I do remember that. I do remember that And like she maybe There's like I don't know

10 people in history who you've heard about Have had their legs in shirts Yeah Yeah but I remember like Ben Johnson But yeah Them kind of introducing her on maybe Talk shows by saying like

She's the most famous pair of legs But then I was like i don't know they just look like legs yeah they're good legs they're great yeah but they're not uh they're not like super weird or whatever you know what i mean what do you want out of a pair of legs two knees on each leg yeah some weird crazy joint horse legs uh yeah something anything you know if we had horse legs yeah and hear me out on this i'm listening and we broke our legs what like if humans broke had horse legs and broke their legs would we would just like surrender to the fact that we had to be put down yeah like we wouldn't have made it as a species well like we we like we'd be fine

right until you break your leg and then it's shotgun time and a shotgun time i think it's only fair i mean if that's how we're gonna solve the problem for horse you know we do sort of have because they shoot horses don't they yeah we do still have animal legs except your heel is the yeah is what's up is like that's what's up what do you mean like if you look at like i've spent a lot of time looking at my dog's legs yeah and if you stand on tippy toes you basically have legs insured for his legs are uh no we never did take out dog all quadrupeds are on their tippy toes, basically. Yeah. Because, see what I mean? Okay, yeah, yeah. They're not, like, they're okay with it, though.

They're not like, ugh. And our butts, like, formed out of a separate... Cannon? Oh, my God, I don't know anything. I don't know. The other day, I was like, I turned on the light in a room, and I was like, hmm, don't know anything. I don't know. The other day I was like, I turned on the light in a room and I was like, I don't know how that works. I don't like, I have some theories.

I turned the light on and then off and on and off and I confused myself. I gave myself some money. Oh boy. Well, do we want to, we want to move on to overheard? Sure. Oh, we said we were moving on to Overheard, but we are little sneaky liars. Surprise. Instead, we have a Jumbotron message.

Now, this is for BW. That's all the information we have. Yeah. And this is from Could be Brian Williams Could be Brian Wills Could be Book Warehouse

Could be Book Warehouse This is from John Bonwovie This is from Bonnie To BW Thank you for being a friend On which I can depend When the world is weird and as bad as we feared, you and me still win. Is that from something?

Is that a song? Yeah. If it's not, set that to music. Yeah. I mean, the first part's from Golden Girls. Yeah. And then I think the last part is maybe from like a Rocky theme. Cool.

Yeah, that's right. So great work,nie and bw your friendship is thriving if anyone out there would like a jumbotron message like that head over to maximumfun.org slash jumbotron get it hello i'm oliver wong scholar journalist and dj and i'm morgan rhodes I'm a music supervisor. We host Heat Rocks, a podcast where we invite our favorite musicians, writers, and scholars to talk about the albums that have changed their lives. Join us as we discover forgotten classics. I think that Boots Riley is one of, if not the most underrated MCs in the history of hip-hop.

Reminisce about our faves. I was always feeling like a little bit of a tourist when I would listen to Big Daddy Kane. And suddenly when De La Soul came out, it was like, hey, you can dance and be goofy and have fun and love hip-hop, and you don't have to pretend to be anybody but yourself. And of course, talk non-stop about his purple majesty, Prince. Having your idol listen to your music, it's life-changing. It's the thing you want from your parents, so to speak, or that you didn't have.

Heat Rocks, every Thursday here on Maximum Fun. Hey, have you checked out the MaxFunStore recently? If you head to MaxFunStore.com now, you'll see a bunch of cool new stuff in there, along with your old favorites. We've got a colorful retro-inspired bubble shirt, plus stickers, buttons, and a poster. Reading Glasses fans will love their new library book-inspired shirt.

And if you're a fan of beef, check back Friday for the debut of our Beef and Dairy Network merch. We've got all that and more from a ton of MaxFun shows. There's even a Rocket Logo skateboard deck there. So go click around, see what we've got in stock, and buy yourself something fun at MaxFunStore.com. Overheard. Overheard Overheard

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Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard

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Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard

Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard

Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard Overheard, I'm a good man, I I don't have anything immediately recent though I thought I did so I had to go back

it's been years it's been years so let's go back a year and a half I think I was in San Francisco yeah

at GDC the Game Developers Conference because I work for a video game company now okay I work in cartoons you made a little proud face

yeah I work in a medium that I don't care about now. I don't play video games, but I work making them. If you ever wondered how things get made, that's how it happens. Like a guy who works in a car factory who doesn't talk about parking a lot. Boy, I'd like to park this one somewhere. Boy, I'd like to park this one somewhere.

That's besides the point, the fact that I was at this Game Developers Conference. But I was in San Francisco and I was walking down the street and I don't know what they're called, but a guy was riding by on, it's a unicycle, but it's like a wheel that's got platforms coming out of the side. You know what I'm saying? It's like a wheel and then the person standing on the platform and it just zips around. Is it electrified?

Yeah. Oh, electrified. So it's like, it looks very Tron-like. So it's like one solid. You said unicycle. I imagined pedaling. No, no. So it's, but a guy stands on,

it's like a one wheeled segue that a guy stands on the platform. Yeah. Um, so does it, is it a segue in the sense that it has, it goes, it has a broomstick that goes all the way up? No,

there's no, nothing like that. It's just the guy standing. Yeah. It's all balanced. Yeah. Yeah. Uh,

and he was wearing some kind of like wraparound shades. Cool. And he had a kind of shiny blue windbreaker on too. So he looked pretty futuristic. San Francisco seems cool. Yeah. And he's coming down the sidewalk. So I had to step out of the way for him to let him zip by.

And as he zips by, I turn around to see him go by. And behind me is a woman who also had to step, to see him go by. And behind me is a woman who also had to step, who I could only describe as Iggy Pop's

older derelict sister. Okay. Really paints the picture. Looks, steps aside from the guy. Veiny. Yeah. As the guy passes by,

she goes, what a creep. Yeah. These future boys are taking over this city. Also, like, why do I have to get out of your way? Yeah. Yeah. There's no bell on your thing.

There is a. I mean, the future is very hummy. Yeah, that's true. It is. It's going to be a lot more humming. And I've seen guys on those. I was in a store with a kid on one of the hoverboards. Was it Pete Davidson?

The whole time that you're around that, you're just waiting for it to fly out from underneath the person and go on a tear ruining things in the store. That's what I thought was going to happen. I'm free! Or just... Or for something just to hit an incline that just can't be dealt with. Yeah. And then the person just bails. I was just waiting for the person to bail. Going up that street in San Francisco.

That's all back and forth. Yeah. I remember. Big chase. Big chase scene. To go back to the time I worked in Paris, they would have a big roller blade. I don't know if it was like roller blade parades or something like that.

Parades. Yeah. Where inline skate, like everyone would go inline skating together and we'll just go around it. And there was, it was, uh, escorted by police officers also on skates.

Sure. And police horses. Yeah. Maybe like a light. Yeah. I'm just going, uh, just step on some gravel and you're fine.

These are getting chased by a cop on inline. Yeah. Let's go on this. Pebbly beach here. I would love to see that. Stomping around on the sand. Oh boy. Me and my one other Canadian colleague,

we were both felt reassured because we felt so unclassy and unsheek and uncool being the two Canadians living in Paris. And they're like, oh, but you guys think inline skating is fun and cool. Yeah. I don't think so. It is reassuring whenever, whenever that happens. Yeah.

And all the ride police have their little, um, what are the little like, uh, fast food, like soda jerk caps on, you you know it's like the little paper paper hat it looks like that they're they're i guess they're cotton but they're the same kind of paper cap that a soda jerk would so they're wearing crazy knee pads and gauntlets and stuff like that but they have like a a little malt like sure yeah chocolate malt hat Yeah Can I get a Raspberry lime Ricky No Dave you're overheard So I was in

I was in a locker room Yeah Where men were changing Oh yeah And there was an older guy and a middle-aged guy. Locker talk. And the middle-aged guy was, the older guy saw the middle-aged guy and he said, oh, you're done playing squash already.

And the middle-aged guy says, oh, I'm not playing squash at the moment. And the older guy says, ah, no squash for us old guys, eh? Like trying to make the middle-aged guy feel old and the middle-aged guy said um i got hit in the eye with a ball i lost my eyesight for a week and the guy's mood changed quite a bit from like joking around. And then he said, were you wearing goggles? And the other guy said, no, I wasn't playing. I was just on the court. I don't know what happened.

I was in there maintaining. I was waxing the floor. Oh, those floors are so waxed. I bet you the old guy probably took a turn and was like, okay, you're going to notice this kind of stuff happens a lot. Yeah. Both of my happens a lot. Yeah. Both of my eyes are fucked. What's the, what's the, have you ever lost anything?

I lost a kneecap somewhere in my leg and I don't know where it was. I lost a kneecap for a week. Somewhere in my leg. I was feeling all over the place. I couldn't get it back to where it went. What was the question? Have you ever lost anything? Have you ever lost anything like eyesight for a week like sense of smell i guess a sense have you lost a sense for a week i did lose i uh years and years ago i actually like well

accidentally i electrocuted myself and i lost my sense of smell for like days wow yeah how'd you electrocute yourself uh trying to trying to fix it like a big. I was sentenced to death. And you know what? If they can't kill you on the first try. They gotta let you go. Um, it was a big, uh, the big coffee machine at work. And, uh, I, uh, I had unplugged the machine.

Somebody had plugged it back in. And so, yeah. Uh, yeah uh good zap pretty good and yeah i couldn't smell anything for like three or four days back in june i had a sip of really hot green tea at a sushi restaurant it was your taste yeah burnt my tongue my tongue was like in pain and tingles for a solid week oh wow yeah that's, I think, probably the most common one. Yeah. Burning your old tongue-a-rino. Yeah. You?

Losing anything? It was unique to me, Dave. No, mine is his. We've all done that. So, like, tea, soup. Oh, soup. Lost my hearing for a little while when that guy shot it.

Oh, yeah, that's right. I didn't lose my hearing. Like ringing? Well, dull. Really dull for a little while. My ha shot it trying to shoot me. Oh yeah, that's right, yeah. I didn't lose my hearing but it was Well, dull. Really dull for a little while. My hairline. And I lost my That one's kind of

High frequencies. Oh really? Yeah, for a little while. For a little while. But back? Back now? It's hard to tell I'm wearing a band.

Oh, this is recent. Okay. Well, it was five years ago but like What are you doing there? If you rub your fingers together They sound different In my ear

Like my right ear hears fully And my left ear doesn't Interesting I'm too scared to try That you won't hear anything? Or that you'll finally hear Satan's message to you? And like if I put my watch Right up to my right ear I can hear it ticking And I can't hear Satan's message to you. And like, if I put my right, if I put my watch right up to my right ear, I can hear it.

Welcome to summer. And I can't hear it on my left ear. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, anyway, this is the guy mixing the show,

but it's the kind of thing if I, if I did it and I did hear, uh, imbalance, then I would start obsessing about it. Probably. Yeah. So just don't ever do it.

This is your white whale. Never do that. This is your white whale. Never do that. This is your white whale. Never do it. That's from the movie Grizzly Man, where he tells the lady, he gives her the tape of her ex getting eaten and says, You must never listen to this. This is your white whale. Oh, is that Werner Herzog's voice you were doing?

Well not well I think so Oh thank you My overheard Oh we haven't done it? Yep here it comes And you need to know You do one of these every week

Every week A little bit about 80s wrestling To fully appreciate this. Okay. I was in the food court of the mall in Montreal talking to past guests. Brett the Hitman Hart. I was talking to past guests Dave Merhaj and his brother. Both have shaved heads and we were chatting and then a dude got off the elevator, walked

by, did just a fly-by insult, said, Nice haircut! You go to the St. Barber? And walked away, and all of us at once were like, Is that Virgil? The million-dollar man's bodyguard Virgil? And it was. Wow! He's bald. Yeah.

Yeah, he's bald, but he, like, made fun of these two guys and then walked away. He was wearing sweatpants and a t-shirt, probably with his name on it. But yeah. Wow. He was doing street theater? I don't know what he was doing. That's a weird thing. I feel like I don't know what he was doing there.

What's the level of fame you have to be at to not heckle strangers? Yeah, exactly. What a creep. Yeah, where it's somehow going to get spread around. Or maybe he's under strict orders. I wonder if his manager is like, go out there and do something that goes viral. Yeah. Heckle anybody you think might be famous, and we'll see.

They'll take care of itself don't wear sweatpants again wear something nice we're gonna market you as viral Virgil oh boy so yeah weird

don't know again did you have to go follow him to make sure or were you oh your eyes were all pretty positive oh right away

as soon as he like was that Virgil did you all yeah we were all pretty positive oh right away as soon as he like was that Virgil did you all yeah we were all like is that Virgil and then I think are you Virgil he's like yeah

and you're bald goodnight everybody um yeah maybe he's working on a whole new insult gimmick maybe that's his new I mean he shouldn't

still be wrestling but was he an insulting fellow in wrestling? Quiet. Kept to himself. Yeah. Like most wrestlers. He was, I mean, eventually he betrayed Dave Yazzie.

Quiet, respective, timid, as professional wrestlers are. But mostly he was a. I'm here to work. He was a millionaire's valet and he wore a sparkly maybe a tuxedo and sparkly yeah maybe like a sleeveless tuxedo and it was fine because it wasn't a black guy serving a rich white guy yeah yeah oh wait that's exactly what it was yeah and. And you know what? Wrestling, some say, still got a lot of growing up to do.

But, you know, Virgil, if you're out there. You're bald, too. We also have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sby at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Logan D. in Juliet, Georgia. Never heard of it, but I'll take the word for it that it exists. I was telling you. Never heard of it.

Next. Yeah. That's the way Larry King did that. Logan in Juliet, you. Never heard of it. Next. Yeah. That's the way Larry King did that. Logan in Juliet, Georgia. Never heard of it. Next. He, I follow him on Twitter. Larry King or Logan?

No. Larry King. And he will, he'll just tweet things in the middle of the day like, I could really go for some chicken soup. And that's his tweet. But he'll tag somebody in the tweet. So it's like an inside joke between him and maybe, you know. Regis? I'm trying to think of who he would be friends with.

His assistant? But it's not. It's never somebody that you expect. It's like Logan Paul. And he's like, you really go for some chicken soup. We're just, we're going through all the Logans today. They're our finest Logan. Logan's lucky today.

There it is. What was that? A movie? Yeah, a Steven Soderbergh movie with Daniel Craig all albinoed out. Whoa. Cool. I'd like to see it. It's on my PVR.

Maybe I'll watch it tonight. Yeah. Haven't had a chance. Logan Lucky. So I was telling a coworker a story about a possible kidnapping situation at our local baseball field. What? Sorry, can I start again? I was telling a coworker a story about a possible kidnapping situation at our local baseball field.

Like, I think there's a good chance I can kidnap someone. Take a look at my here's my plan. Yeah. And she said, that's like that movie Taken with Ian Nelson. That's like the most complete way to get that name wrong yeah ian nelson leonini it's like if you were at a if they were selling a like a knockoff

mask for halloween an ian nelson mask takens ian nelson yeah from from grabbed Yeah, from Grabbed. This next one comes from Tyler P. In Wichita, Kansas. Heard of it. Yeah. I overheard this conversation from these people. From the people. These people.

These people. Have you heard of these people? The people who sit near me at work. Wichinese. Guy one. I heard a story about an armless guy who stabbed a man with a pair of scissors using his feet twice. And the guy two said, yeah, armless

people are amazing. They truly are. If they're able to stab somebody with scissors twice, that's a lot of practice. That is a lot of practice with them picturing it. Yeah, yeah. it would be very hard hard to hold the scissors

hard to pull them out of a body I mean it's hard I'm trying to think of you doing it with both feet I couldn't are you sticking

two toes of one foot in the rungs that's what I'm picturing rungs scissor rungs yeah scissor rungs scissor loops what do you call them

I don't know what they're called handles I guess they're handles but yeah scissor rungs sounds right. Beg to differ. But like, that is impressive

because I don't even think I could stab someone with my left hand. No, that's a, yeah. Like, scissors are handed. Yeah, so like, being able to... Yeah, I'm picturing a barefoot or at least a sock foot grabbing the scissor. No no especially gloved foot or yeah

one of those this is a murder one of those socks with all the yeah specific toes weird toe gloves proper grips yeah anyways vibram five fingers and then the detective's like, I can't solve this one. There's no fingerprints anywhere. Only footprints. We're looking for a man with feet hands. Put on an APB. This last one comes from Leanne R. I recently had dinner with a friend and her four-year-old daughter. At one point, her daughter said she had a secret for her mom and whispered into her mom's ear,

You've lost your freedom. Sometimes Margo and Poppy will go into our closet and Margo will say, You have no kids. And Abby will go into our closet and Margo will say you have no kids and Abby will go yay and then they come out and you have kids boo

that's a pretty fun game yeah it's a fun game in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is easy to remember. Emmett has it memorized. 1-788-SPYPOD. Spypod.

That's one. 844 779 844 779 7631 or one. Ugh. Spy Pod 1. Like these people have. I'm happy you don't have it memorized either. Okay.

Okay. Hi, Dave Graham and my guest. This is Amanda. I'm calling in with an overheard from duluth minnesota so i recently ran a half marathon and we're getting down to the last mile everybody's kind of dying and there were these two people behind me who i assumed were a couple it was a man and a woman and the woman was kind of struggling And so the guy was trying to motivate her and he's going, you got this, babe, you got this, we're almost there. But she's still struggling. And so he comes up with another tactic. He starts listing off all these decadent foods that they can

eat as soon as they cross the finish line. So he's going pizza, garlic bread, big juicy burger, bagel, cream cheese, breadsticks, ice cream, and he's going on and on and on. And then finally he ends this long list of foods with, and a light beer and a pickle. You know, and a pickle. Oh, I know. You know, cap it off. Yeah, with a Michelob and a Bix

dropped in it. I mean, you can't have, you know, like a heavy beer. Look, you've had so much pizza and garlic bread.

Really, we're sticking with light beer. Yeah, and bagels with cream cheese and a light beer. For Mr. Manners with croutons and light beer for Mr. Manor. It's weird because it's like a marathon or a half marathon or whatever. It's not a fast.

No. It's a marathon. It's not a Ramadan. I wonder though if they've been prepping for weeks being like, we're going to do this right. Oh, sure. We're going to go on a special diet. Right. Right.

We're only going to eat special K. Yeah. Uh, cucumbers, unpickled. Yeah. And de-alcoholized beer. Yeah.

Oh, duels and cucumbers. Oh boy. I, uh, do you have any desire to run a marathon? No, no,

I don't like running. No. Okay. I don't like exercise. I do it, but I don't like it. All the, what do you do?

How do you keep that body so tight? Well, I go to the gym three times a week. What do you do there? Uh, push things, move things around, hate things.

I don't understand. I never have get the like uh endorphin endorphin that euphoric feeling uh i never have either i just do i've had it you've had it you've had the like exercisers uh yeah i bet like it's very hard to come by. I get like... You chasing that dragon ever since? No, no, because I can't do it. I got a dragon guy. I can introduce you to him. If I play a sport, I get something close to it. Really?

Just like being competitive. just like being competitive is uh a bucket list is for me to kick a goal into a net in front of like 100 000 people i just want to have that adulation of 10 000 plus people just all focused on me saying, yo, we like you specifically. It's gotta be a, what if, what if there was like some twilight zone twist where you got to do it, but you had to kick a ball into Annette Bennett.

Oh, would you do it? And, and you get a million dollars. Yeah. And it's probably like, it's a future. It's like the near future.

So she's probably like old and decrepit. It's probably the near future, so she's probably like Old and decrepit It's probably the near future, so she's old Yeah, older She's great Here's your next phone call Hi Graham, hi Dave, hi possible Wonderful guest, this is Amy from Seattle calling in with an overheard

I was recently at a Wedding, and right before they were about to start dinner service, it kind of looked like they were wrapping up service at the bar. Bartenders are kind of wandering away. And a guy at my table also noticed this, and I heard him say, oh no, now it looks like it's BYO, serve yourself. BYO, you know how the rest of this goes. Everybody

chugging. At a bar, though. Bring your own bartender. Alright, Nick. At a bar, though, serving yourself would be great. Like the most inconvenient waiting in line shouting your order to someone. Having to tip. you know, this is all.

I did that at a Christmas work party where the bartenders said, ah, we're done. You can make your own drinks now. And it was because it was an open bar. They said, we're off shift, but the stall is liquor. And I was like, great. I guess I'm going to make my own martini. And just poured gin and vermouth in a big cup. It was immediate puke.

Like it was just. I call this the immediate puke. Like it was just... I call this the immediate puke. Shake it. I'm James Bond. I shake it and stir it. Apparently James Bond orders his vodka or his martini wrong. You have a clear drink

is supposed to be stirred. Like a drink that is cloudy or whatever has color or milk or whatever. Whatever makes a drink. Like a dollop of carnation. Evaporated milk in the air, please. But like, yeah. And a pickle.

You're supposed to stir a martini. I'll have a Michelob and a pickle, please. But he's got some kind of like a syphilitic brain or whatever. Oh, yeah. And I think most martinis, they will shake them. Maybe because of James Bond? Right. I don't know about this.

One time a bartender told me all the rules. Well, I don't know. He drinks vodka martinis and usually it's gin. So that's a different thing, right? I mean, look at our martini menu here it's got so like I'll make it

this is called a puke right now starts out clear doesn't end that way I think if a gin company bid more than

Belvedere vodka then he would start drinking yeah that's true these have become the most product placement-y movies there are bid more than Belvedere vodka than he would start drinking. Yeah, that's true. These have become the most product placement-y movies there are. I'm going to need a pizza.

I'm going to need a cream cheese and a bagel. I'm going to need a garlic bread. Is this James Bond running a marathon? I'm going to need a Michelob. I'm going to need a pickle. A pickle-obe? A pickle-obe. I'm going to need my accent back, please? Turned into Al Pacino at the end there.

Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham. This is Siri calling from Victoria with an overheard. I was just walking past a room where some of my coworkers were the other day, and one of them was saying, yeah, he's allergic. And the other one responded, wait, how? Specifically to steam? Well, off I go.

Allergic to steam. Oh, man. Well, that would make, you know, no schwitzes. Can't listen to that Peter Gabriel song. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you know, no schwitzes. Uh-huh. No. Can't listen to that Peter Gabriel song. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, you can't. No, Lobster has dander.

I cannot be. I can't have Lobster dander. Yeah. Yeah. You can't download video games from that. Oh, yeah. Whatever that is. I downloaded one game from there once and uh from steam yeah and

boy does it think that i am into games again i work for a game company and you guys were way ahead of me on the steam reference yeah than i was but then you don't play video games you just make yeah but i i don't i've never bought anything from Steam. Give me Steam! I bet you'd want to know anything about the Peter Gabriel song, Steam. I'll let you know. It's about sex. How will it make you feel? How will it make you feel?

Yeah. Real as any place you'll be. Wait for it. Get a life. Wow, you have that rasp too. With a dreamer's dream. Maybe he just does a side job. Everybody nose dive.

Hold your breath. Count to five. Back slap. Booby trap. Cover it up in bubble wrap. Room shake. Earthquake. Find a way to stay awake.

Well, no. What do I do? I don't look now, but i lost my shoe i can't run and i can't kick what's the matter babe are you feeling sick no we got it uh emmett this is the end of the show this is it we're oh okay what do you what do you want to plug oh yeah we are um let's get the old calendar out okay who is it. We're, oh, okay. What do you, what do you want to plug? Oh yeah, we are, let's get the old calendar out. Okay. Oh,

who is it? It's, uh, Louis Erickson. Uh, right. So this will come out the 13th. Uh,

the 13th of August. What do you got coming up? The day the Berlin wall went up. Okay. Uh, I think I got a couple things here. Mr. Gorbachev, build that wall. Yup.

I will promote whatever album White Shadow is on by Peter Gabriel. That's really good. Okay. Yeah. I don't know it. I think it's like a second or third solo. Well, those are all self-titled. The band Raven put out a really cool album back in 2015. Okay. I think it was like a second or third solo. Well, those are all self-titled.

The band Raven put out a really cool album back in 2015. Okay. These guys are old, old codgers from Newcastle, but I just listened to this recently. Extinction. It's ripping. It's great. Raven they're called? They're a band called Raven.

They're like an old 80s metal band. Okay. On the 24th, I will- Oh, it's from Peter Gabriel, I think two. Okay. Um, on the 24th, uh, I will. It's from Peter Gabriel. I think too. Okay. On the 24th, I'm performing in a show.

Yeah. Um, at the China cloud. It's called brain gravy, um, by the hero show. And so camera cloud past guest is, is producing and hosting it.

It's sketch and standup. So I'll be performing in that. Okay. Um, I'm not with the Sunday service anymore'll be performing in that. Okay. Um, I'm not with the Sunday service anymore. I've since retired. Yeah. Um,

do you miss it? Every once in a while. Sure. It's, it's, they'll welcome you back if you want to sit in. Yeah. Uh,

they're desperate for me to come back. Uh, but the show is still worth going to see. So I'll still say, go see that. Um, my, my job now, uh, But the show is still worth going to see. So I'll still say, go see that. Supporting of you. My job now, I got hired at this game company called Clay, K-L-E-I.

Yeah. And I was hired as a writer at first. I've now since moved into composing music for, and now I'm taking over or sharing the duties of writing all the music for don't starve events and downloadable content. So the most recent don't starve event was called the gorge. I composed a bunch of music for that and anything hot lava global action team, your steam clay fans will know what I'm talking about. Um, boy will they. Yeah.

So that's, that's the area. They'll know about it enough for the both of us. Yeah. So yeah, keep getting into clay stuff because my presence is there considerably. You're twinkling the old keys. Yeah. Yeah. I'm writing music and figuring out how to orchestrate.

Can you hum some of it for me? What's your big hit there? So the most recent one is, oh, maybe I should. When toxic rain pours down with fright, ignite the signal, light the light, forget the global action team. This is not what I was expecting. Keeping our freedom clean. It's a spoof on a G.I. Joe property. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I got to write the theme song and then compose all the music for the subsequent episode and do a voice of the villain. So that's some insider stuff. Holy moly. Yeah. And I hope you didn't sign a non-disclosure agreement no no it's all on the internet you can all type in YouTube

you can type in GAT Hot Lava, Hazard Haze that's the episode we released I was expecting it to I just assume every video game music is just like don't starve is pretty interesting in that with that side of things I have to do

kind of like Danny Elfman rip off sort of gothic cabaret style stuff. So the Don't Starve Gorge theme was made by me and Vince DeVera. Nice work. Oh they got Vince? Oh yeah. Oh yeah. He's still there guys. Don't worry.

Can we get him on the podcast? You know what? He might be an interesting guy to talk to Yeah He's got some stories He's been around Yeah He just got married Vince

That is interesting Off the market What's the secret? I don't know Cause it sure ain't Tinder and Bumble You listeners out there If if you like the show, you want to see it live. Oh, boy.

Yeah. Boy, you're going to get your chance. We're going to be in, we're starting our Cross Canada tour in Toronto. Yeah. September 23rd? Yeah. And then we're Winnipeg.

We're Vancouver. Vancouver, Winnipeg. Edmonton, Calgary. Not in that order. And then, Calgary Not in that order And then Saskatoon Not in that order And that's really unnecessary We didn't talk over your thing

My thing was interesting Oh Well, that's somebody who's been Fasting a little too long It's getting a little bit prickly I just need a tagine You're getting Ramadan My nerves Fasting a little too long. Yeah. It's getting a little bit prickly. I just need a tagine. I just need a chill. You're getting Ramadan my nerves.

Thank you everybody out there for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.