Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 545 - Kritty Uranowski

Episode Date: August 27, 2018

Musician Kritty Uranowski joins us to talk John Travolta, uninvited conversations, and Tom Cruise.

Hey everyone, before we start the show, we wanted to announce that all of our tour dates have been announced. Yeah, we're gassing up the van. It's an announcement announcement. Yeah. So, if you would like to see us in Canada, you can do it. Yeah. Or Winnipeg, September 25th. Vancouver, September 28th. Calgary, October 4th. Edmonton, October 5th. Or Saskatoon, October 6th.

We're going to be in all these cities. All those dates. And you know what? We'd love to see you there. And if we are not going to your town, sorry. We tried. But you know what? Maybe next year. Maybe next year your town will make the cut

yeah sorry lesser towns oh no no no i wouldn't say you know niagara falls well we've been banned in niagara fall yeah we know what we did if you would like tickets to any of these shows go to stoppodcastingyourself.com and click on the links now for an episode hi he's dave shumka and he's graham clark and together we host stop podcasting yourself Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody, and welcome to episode number 545 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me, as always, is a sweet child of mine, Mr. Dave Shumka. Let me get my ukulele. Here it comes. Were you, were you setting me up?

Anyway, we tried. Oh man, that was great. Couldn't have gone better. And our guest today, a musician, a mother of the music scene in Toronto. I saw I read an article that said so. An all-around fun time gal, Kriti Uranuski is our guest. Hey guys, what's up? Well, you know.

I really nailed a ukulele thing just now. That was pretty impressive. And I had the assist on that, so I'm feeling, I'm flying pretty high. Do we even need to do a show is really the question. We are going to do a show anyways, but you're right.

Did you say that about me knowing I was going to do that or did you say that because... I didn't know for sure you were going to do it, but I knew that you knew how to do it. What else could I have done with you calling me a sweet child?

Because I'm not, we're not related. You're not father and son. No, that's true.'s this isn't gonna be a uh father and son podcast or what was the what was that bobby darren didn't he find out like his sister was his mother oh sure that also happened to jack nicholson he found out that his aunt was his mom and his grandma was his mother i feel like that used to be way more common yeah i think you're thinking of chinatown yes that's what she's my grandma my mother uh should we get to know us yeah get to know us pretty pretty hey guys what is your deal? You got a new album out.

I do have a new album out. I just put out my first self-produced record on my record label, No Mean City, which is an educational collective and record label that I run in Toronto. I have a new record by my solo project called Lavender Bruisers, and the record's called Join the Cult. And, yeah, I'm pretty stoked about it. Yeah. What would you describe?

What type of music? Classical? Mostly classical chamber music? I mean, I do. That's a thing. Gregorian chants? These are the genres I know. 90s beats.

You know what? You're not that far off. It's definitely, I feel like there's a lot of experimental pop music coming out right now that's a lot of women solo projects because, one, it's really expensive to have a band. Sure. And pay them. a band and like pay them and like and two it's really hard and annoying to have a band because everyone's just a problem you gotta look out for everyone yeah so uh I Kriti looks out for Kriti yeah yeah yeah so I used to have like a seven piece band called pattycake

uh back like maybe seven or eight years ago I had a it for a long time. A seven-piece band. It was a lot of people. What all was in there? I can only name three pieces. Yeah. So you got your guitar. Yeah. I played rhythm guitar. Okay. And you got Dan on lead guitar.

Then you got Jordan on bass. Okay. You got... There we go. Boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. It was good. I didn't know if that was like a big rest in the solo. And then my friend Eli on drums.

And then Jeremy Woodcock, who's actually a comedian as well. Comedian and writer. Yeah, yeah. Really, really funny guy. We went to high school together. And he played keys in Patty Cake. He's an amazing keyboard player. And then I had two to three backup singers.

Ya la la la. Dave, you're nailing it. Exactly. Are you on tour, man? Sure, yeah. I'm a seven-piece band. I'm a one-man seven-piece band. Did you guys tour all the seven of you?

We never could. No. It was impossible. Because everybody, like, there's just, there's no money. Yeah, and you need what kind of, what type of van? Like a huge van. A super's no money. Yeah, and you need what kind of, what type of van? Like a huge van. A super van. Yeah.

Yeah, and I'm, yeah, I just need a little more, a little more, more than van comfort. Sure. Not that I'm, not that I'm a princess, but yeah, so it was just, it's been a lot easier. So now you tour on a yacht. I just, I love yachts. Yeah. That's why I'm here in Vancouver. I'm just looking to buy my fourth. yacht i just i love yachts yeah i'm here in vancouver i'm just looking to buy my fourth oh four four yachts that's uh that's the magic number that's when you really

are into yachts your first three are like trial yeah i know you need to have some disposable yacht yeah yeah yeah i'm so embarrassed of my first yacht in everything else third time's a charm? Yachts. I was like, I went corduroy. Corduroy, oh yeah. I was like,

I don't know, multi-purpose. I remember it took on a lot of water. Have you toured in a band? I've done some, I play in a few

different bands. So I have Lavender Bruisers I just started about a year ago. And then this first record I finished and put out now. And then I play with a band called Queen of Swords. And I play synthesizer and sing back of vocals. And I play with a woman named Dorothea Posse, who's like a amazing guitarist and songwriter.

And I play keyboard and sing back of vocals for her as well. So we've toured a bit. I haven't done a Lavender Bruisers tour yet. Probably would have behooved me to book a show while I was out here, but I was coming out for a wedding and it's actually been nice to relax because all of July I i was teaching at girls rock camp toronto which is an organization i help run i've heard of this they have one here too yeah is it like for young it's for young uh girls and gender non-conforming non-binary and trans children uh from 8 to 16 okay and uh yeah they come in the morning and they do like a two to three hour instrument lesson and then they have lunch

and do a workshop and then they we put them into bands with like one of each instrument and then they form bands and they make a band name and a logo

and they silk screen t-shirts and they wear a song and they do a show at the end of the week I was gonna say where does merch fall in this if you're gonna be forming a band

we have a button maker yes but it gets out of control because like everyone wants to watch it and make like 80 million buttons. But that stuff's really expensive. Is it really? It's weirdly expensive to get the supplies for a button maker.

I guess it's a very specific. It's like vinyl. There's just not a lot of people who make this stuff so they can or Polaroid pictures. They can just charge a lot for it. Yeah. Yeah. What a guy, man. I feel like there was nothing

there was no rock and roll camp you know what there wasn't the reason they don't have boy boy rock and roll camp is everyone would put their penis in the button maker no you're absolutely right well it's like a big part of there were a lot of not a lot but like places like music stores would run like summertime rock camps and even like

there's a place called the Rehearsal Factory in Toronto that runs like an adult rock camp where they have like Joe Perry from Aerosmith it's kind of like

that thing that Homer Simpson he shows you how to light a fire so but those things are like automatically what?

well like it's a camp oh god come, come on, camp. Oh, God. Come on. Come on now. They bring Carrie up to show you woodcraft. Yeah. Those like rock camps are kind of just like automatically default assumed that they're for boys.

Right. And it's usually run by men. And it's a little bit, Girls Rock Camp is not, is a lot about like learning technique and music and stuff like that, but it's a lot about confidence building and also learning about like how to work in a group and like acknowledge your feelings

but, and be able to use them constructively but not like hurt other people's feelings. Isn't that part of being in a band, hurting other people's feelings? It's not a girls rock camp i really wish like we do this thing at the beginning of every week called uh called the agreements and they make the rules on how the camp is going to operate so the kids make the rules the kids make the first rule no rule they don't know about that one yet guys

they don't see enough syndicated 90s TV that's true I remember when I was a kid first seeing that like first rule is there are no rules second rule see rule one I was like yes we're game over

this is so awesome was it in like the the back of a video game magazine or something yeah an ad for you know yeah jolt cola that's really fun yeah an ad for you know yeah

jolt cola um that's really fun like and you're there for the whole uh camp so it's not an overnight camp

oh okay this is this day day camp and yeah I want to rock and roll in my camp every day go ahead I want to rock and roll

all day and then go home to my parents and then yeah this story check that yeah yeah so we ran it for I want to rock on roll all day and then go home to my parents. So we ran it for, we did three weeks in July. And the last two weeks we did out of the Sony Center, which is really cool because it's like a big schmancy venue. And on the Tuesday at St. Vincent was playing and she let us all come to her soundcheck and did a Q&A with the girls rocking.

Isn't that wild? They don't know who St. Vincent is, but we all did. The counselors are just like, ah! How old are the girls? They were between eight and 16. Yeah, it was great because the Q&A was just like, are you famous? Do you have to drive your own car?

What does your apartment look like? Oh, I bet it looks so cool. Oh, man. Yeah, so artistic. She said she has 300 square feet in Manhattan or something like that. She was like really cool. And she was dressed like Beetlejuice. Oh, cool. Just for soundcheck.

Yeah. Seriously, it was amazing. Plus, she designed her own guitar. Yeah. Okay. And her entire, like, she plays them the whole show. They're pointy. They are pointy.

And that's what I picture her apartment as all. They're supposed to be better for playing with titties. They're supposed to be able to like, be more comfortable playing, but I don't, I don't know. I haven't tried one, but she had like 18 of them,

all different colors. So that was like, it was really cool. I think it would be cool if you, if you wanted to try one out in the store, you had to put on like a pregnancy belly or just like a fake set of boobs. Yeah, yeah. If you're a guy trying one out. Hmm.

I don't think that's going to sit right on you, hon. That's what I would talk like if I worked at a guitar store. Call everybody hon? Just men. Yeah. Oh, people love that. Sorry, hon. Let me tune that for you, hon. It's so fun. Now, did you, when you were a kid, did you go to camp?

Was that part of your growing up experience? No. My parents are indoor people. Must be nice. Well, we had a pool. That was a thing. So they're like, we got a pool. Why would you need to go to someone's cottage?

We have a pool. Why would you need to go on vacation? We have a pool. Yeah, we've waited 10 months to months to use it yeah you legitimately do not and also i don't know my family has this my family's all i think it's because like my my grandparents were like haligas victims they were like they're still my grandmother's still with us but she was like uh kidnapped by the russians when she was like 10 and taken to like iran and siberia and then lived

in Africa for a really long time. So just like my entire life from her has been like, you know what might be a great idea. Why don't you stay home? Stay home. So my family still has that like a reverberation of why don't you stay home? So not a lot of camp, but I did. Um, I started teaching when I was 14. I started teaching dance. I was a dance teacher. And so I would run dance camps in the summer at my dance studio. So that's kind of like an artsy day camp kind of vibe, kind of like girls rock camp, but a lot more, you know, body shaming. Sure. First we established the rules of this camp.

First we established the rules of this camp. And like, growing up as a kid who had a pool, were you like, were you wary that people might have been your friend because you had a pool? Or were there a lot of pools in your neighborhood? Oh, yeah. Good question. Good question. Great questions all around.

One, I still didn't have friends even though I had a pool. Oh, man. Oh, man. I didn't have friends, even though I had a pool. Oh, man. Oh, man. I didn't have friends until I was 12. And you also got a trampoline that you could jump off and tramp into the pool? It was actually like a weird turn of events in my sixth grade teacher didn't like me and the other two girls who are my only friends. And we were like, not losers, but not cool. We were just like getting by.

She didn't like that. Yeah. She didn't like that we had anyone. were my only friends and we were like not losers but not cool we were just like getting by she didn't like that yeah she didn't like that we we had anyone we she thought we were bad together so she split us all up and i got put in the class in a split seven eight class with the three most popular girls in me we were the only grade sevens and like i remember on the first day i was just like and they're like um you know you you can, like, eat lunch with us. And I was like, thank God. But then we became friends. But then I didn't want anyone to, I didn't want to go swimming because I am a bigger child.

I've always been a bigger person. I'm not a big child now. I'm a big woman. But I just didn't want to. You wear a big diaper. I put on my diaper one leg at a time. But we, yeah, I didn't want to bring anyone over swimming because I didn't want to have to wear a bathing suit. But I did find out, I think, closer to like high school, people were like, you want to like, we can go swimming at your house if you want.

We'd love to go swimming. Yeah, yeah. We were wondering if we could go swimming but they didn't i didn't know they wanted to i still anyway oh it was not a community of many pools no there were there were other pools but i mean we're like i don't know if there was something about not swimming in the 90s late 90s no swimming well i just skateboarding sitting behind the jug city i know when you're like one thing when you're flying into a city, you'd fly over the suburbs. And some cities, it's just neighborhoods of every yard has a pool.

Yeah. But then like here, nobody. I think that everyone in my neighborhood is probably like everyone has a pool and it's not special to have a pool and nobody cares about your stupid pool. That's what I felt. Right. That's what I internalized at least. And when you were talking about like, yeah, like the 90s in a pool, I distinctly remember my friend, you know, swimming in cutoff jeans and like instead of a bathing suit. And I was like, oh, that's pretty cool.

He's really committed to the look. That doesn't seem very 90s though. That's a forever look. That's true. That's a classic look. Swimming in cutoffs. What year did the guy win the Olympic gold medal swimming in cutoffs? There used to be a rhyme for it.

It was... Or just Speedos with pockets hanging out the bottom. So, you grew up, you were a dancer as you were growing up? Yeah. What kind of dance? Five, six, seven, eight. Exactly.

Precisely. Exactly. Precisely. So I started with ballet and then tap. And then I got my, I did all my exams so I could teach ballet and tap and jazz. I wasn't as great at, but when I decided I wanted to go to school for musical theater, I took just everything. So in like the last five years of high school, I was teaching. I was usually at the dance studio like four or five hours a day.

Wow. Yeah. So I would teach for a couple hours and then do a couple hours of classes. That scene in the birdcage where Robin Williams is choreographing is like Fosse, Fosse. Yeah.

100% accurate. Did you love that? I loved it. I don't think you need to be a dancer to appreciate that. But yeah, I danced for a long time. Actually, my first job when I graduated from school, I was a dancer and a singer in the movie Hairspray. Really? Yeah.

The movie? Yeah. Wow. They filmed it in Toronto in 2007, or 2006, and that's when I just graduated from Sheridan. Really? Now, were you worried the casting director was using you for your pool? Yeah, the word had got out that you had a cool pool? I know you said I couldn't freak out in here, but yeah.

Okay, I will tell you the truth about it. It's kind of an embarrassing story. It's kind of an embarrassing story. But initially, John Travolta, who plays the mom, wasn't going to do his own dancing. And I am the same height as John Travolta. And they were auditioning. I've always said that about you. Yeah. Thank you.

I am shocked that he's not 5'1". Thank you. I am shocked that he's not 5'1". No, so he was, they were looking for a woman who could be his dance double, who could wear that, who could hold that same costume. Yeah, yeah. And do the choreography for him. And play St. Vincent's guitar with those big fake boobs on. Oh, yeah. Oh, my goodness.

It would be the perfect set to try those out. Mrs. Turnblad, right? I think that's the name. That's the name. Yeah. Edna. Edna Turnblad. Yeah.

So I had to do all these auditions, and I thought that's what I was auditioning for. And then at the last minute, he was like, no, I'm going to do it. I'm going to dance. Yeah, that seems weird that he ever would have considered not dancing. He's a dancing machine, this John Travolta. Over the years. Has he ever danced in a movie? Staying alive.

The sequel to the movie. He refused to dance in that first movie. Doesn't he dance in every movie? Grace, that was a joke. I missed it. That's all right. You'll get the next one. But yeah, so anyway, I thought I was auditioning for this one thing, but then they called me

and they were like, you know what? We're going to, we need some plus size dancers for this dress shop scene. Welcome to the 60s. And it turns out that there's only two of us, me and a woman from New York. Oh, wow. Because it's not, I mean, I've always been about this size, I'm a dancer, but it's really bad.

It's really hard on your joints. Like it's like football playing, right? Like it's just like, it's a lot of weight jumping around. So there's not a lot of us. Yeah. That was pretty sweet. That's awesome.

There's a lot of plus size football players though. That's true. Must be hard on the old joints. That's why they smoke them. Well, that's cool. Now we're going to have to re-watch that movie and look for it. And I'm going to have to watch it for the first time. Pretty fun.

I think your kids would like it. It's pretty like, I think they're too young. Well, no, I just don't. They just don't appreciate anything. Anything I do for them. It was really cool because on the first day of rehearsal, he did come up to me at five-minute break. And he was, like, watching.

He wasn't dancing yet. Like, we had been rehearsing for three hours before he came. John Travolta, you're talking about. And he came up to me. He was like, you're a really wonderful dancer. I'm John. I hear you have a pool. Is there any way

I could... I mean, just on break if we could go... Get in on that... The only other cool celebrity moment of that experience

was that I did get to dance with Jerry Stiller. He was like... Oh, cool! Kind of like this far from me like you and me, Graham. Like that was our first spot so we were always in between takes was like, kind of like this far from me, like you and me, Graham. Um,

like that was our first spot. So we were always in between takes. We'd kind of like do like funny little dances and like make faces at each other. Like he was fun to be around. He always had to, but he's, he's very,

very, very old. And his daughter is like his assistant. And he like sucks on like a lozenge all the time. And then in between takes, and then when we go to take, he would spit it into a cup. Oh yeah. That's the, that's the best part of being old. And then use the same lozenge all the time and then in between takes and then when we go to takes he would spit it into a cup. Oh yeah, that's the best part of being a lozenge.

And then use the same lozenge afterwards. Well, I mean, that's, I get using the same lozenge afterwards. It's just in a cup. Yeah, and he probably went through the depression. He knows the value of a lozenge. He didn't come from lozenge aplenty. I mean, myself,

I just can't wait till it's lozenges all the time. I mean, I could suck on them now, but it's not the same. If you'd be a lozenge guy, I feel like you'd be more of a Werther's original. I consider that in the lozenge family. Lozenges, they just... No, that's a treat. A lozenge is disgusting.

A lozenge is like a Hall's. I don't think a Hall's is disgusting. Oh, it just tastes like you Hall's. I don't think a Hall's is disgusting. Oh, it just tastes like you're sick. Yeah, but that's when I get sick, I'm like, all right. Give me that lozenge. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You get excited for it. I worry that it's sweeter than,

let's see, like eating Lifesavers all day. I worry that it's just going to give me cavities. I think I overdid lozenges in like theater school. Yeah. Like, oh, couldn't possibly sing with my regula. People used to do crazy stuff in theater school. Like I have a friend who would like chug Buckley's mixture. Oh, yeah.

Before she went on stage. And like gargle honey. Buckley's was gross to smell on like a co-actor. Well, Buckley's is. Tastes awful. It tastes awful, but it works. It's their whole thing. Yeah, I mean...

I don't think I've... Oh, maybe I had... Like, I once got the Buckley's. I think it's a Canadian company, right? Yeah. And they... I bought their, like, medicine. Like, their pills.

Yeah. Not the liquid medicine. And the pills don't taste awful, and I don't think they work. It's the bad taste. Yeah. Because I remember the first time I had Buckley's, I was like, they're exaggerating how bad it tastes. Oh, man.

They are not. They're not at all. It's a... Like eating Vic's VapoRub. Yeah. Yeah, it kind of tastes what I imagine paint would taste like if you just like... Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. It's... I've never succumbed to the temptation of eating paint even though it looks so it's so colorful it's got a nice consistency beard yeah i mean sure we've all seen the billboards for paint and thought, mmm, I'm hungry. Yeah, exactly. So many flavors. Yeah. I mean,

oh man, lozenges. Now I'm just, now I'm jonesing for halls. Oh, sure. This guy puts the jizz in lozenges. That's why they taste awful. And they work.

Yeah. I was thinking about making a similar joke earlier when you said succumb. Did you have any unusual pre-performance ritual for the theater? They're a superstitious bunch. Yeah. Them theater folk.

Well, one thing is I'm a whistler. I like to whistle a lot. Oh, that's bad luck in the theater. And it's bad luck. Do you know why? No. It's like, it's just like music. Please don't tell me.

No, it's bad luck for the same reason anything's bad luck. It's bullshit. No, it's bad luck. This one actually isn't bullshit. It's because whistling used to be the signal from the crew to lower the sandbags. So if you whistle in a theater and they lower a sandbag, it could kill someone if they lowered it at the wrong time. They'll sandbag you.

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. If it's lowered at the right time, it takes out the goons from Back to the Future 2. That's true. So this is what I know about theater. Before a show, I guess I just, if it's like a professional theater show, get there at 30 minutes.

Got to slap on your eyelashes. Yeah, sure. Put on, the costume ladies always yell at me and say I have to put on some eyebrows because I don't have eyebrows really. You have to draw in eyebrows? Are you a Whoopi Goldberg? No, I just have always had like very not much eyebrows. Like I never had to pluck them when I was young. They're drawn in now.

No. As I can see them. No, they are not. Look at how little eyebrow I have. Yeah, but you're blonde. Yeah. Well, so. We're just talking eyebrows.

Let's not bring... But on the stage. They make you draw them in dark. Yeah, maybe you should... Maybe the thing holding you back in your career is. I should have, like, what type of eyebrows? I want to fill them in so badly.

Yeah. Like the Sephora girls do. I'm like, eyebrows are really popular right now. Like, they're a popular thing to spend money on. They're very, they're like, women used to tweeze them to be so small. So tiny. Now, the big ones are back. Yeah.

Now everybody wants like Brooke Shields ones. But here's a couple. Is she still the going reference for eyebrows? Cara Delevingne. Yeah. Cara Delevingne. Also a lovely eyebrow. The first lady of eyebrows, I would say.

But I think there's so few people because it looks so cute on so few people. Oh, really? You know what I mean? Like I've seen just people. And people get. Do you guys know about microblading? I've heard the word. I know a lot of it.

So did you say I don't love it? Yeah, I don't love it. And here's why. Yeah. So Mike, do you know what it is? No. Okay. So it's basically they tattoo your eyebrows on, but like tiny little, like they look like little hairs.

Oh, I would have thought microblading. Like I knew that was a thing. I did not know that was microblading. When you hear the word microblading, I imagine a tiny blade cutting something. I thought this literally is what I thought it was, that it would cut every hair in two and it would make more eyebrows that way because it was a micro blade

that was cutting like this conversation right now is killing me like splitting hair yeah yeah yeah so that it would make a bushier eyebrow

because you were splitting every individual hair I guess what you guys are saying both makes as much sense as tattooing eyebrows on

yeah I've seen bad ones on makeup groups on the internet. Right. That's terrifying. Yeah, because. You can't wash that off. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And no matter how thick your bangs are, someone's going to see them. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. I mean, we're living in like, I mean, the prime time of face tattoos. It's really like, I mean, maybe in ancient times, the light just went out. Yeah, I think someone was whistling. But yeah, an eyebrow tattoo that's just gone awry.

There's nothing you can, what can you do to cover that up? Literally nothing. You could write a word of funny. I think the only thing you can do is go full drag, which is drag queens will use like a glue stick to glue their eyebrows down and then you powder over it

and then you foundation over the whole thing and then you draw your eyebrows on again. That's how you do like drag eyebrows. What? I'm learning. This is crazy. Did you know this? You know this glue stick business? No, I don't know.

I don't know either. This is amazing. I wonder, has there ever been, like, an audio podcast that's makeup tutorials where you don't get the satisfaction of seeing any of it? Here's what you're going to do. So you're going to take your glue stick like this and bring it up here.

No, up here. Up here. Just a little bit to the left. So that's how. Okay. Yeah. So then they have regular human eyebrows when they're not in drag. And then when they are in drag.

So what happens is it makes the eye look bigger because like when this is foundation The light's back. Yay. It means we're in the right place at the right time. Yeah. Talking about the right thing. So then that part

becomes kind of like the eye shadow and then the eyebrow is like up here. So it just makes you look like kind of like you have giant bigger eyes.

It's like it's a special effect. But people women are taking drag techniques now because I mean mean, the Kardashians do drag, have taken drag techniques. Like, that's how they do makeup and contouring. That's all taken from dragon theater makeup. And now people do it. Dragon theater?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Imagine. I went to that dragon store today. What? The dragon store on Granville Island. I don't know this. It's a magic store. Oh, cool.

Yeah, I was really excited. Though, I don't know how much I believe in dragons. The bottom of my magic stuff, I'm like, dragons, I don't know. Fairies. Huh? Well, dragons. Oh, I see. Tell me more about what makes this the dragon store.

I don't know anything about it. It's literally called like dragon something. It's not dragon's den. Uh-huh. But it's got a ton of dragon statues. Like Asian or Western? No, it's like an occult shop. Oh.

I believe. And I got a shirt with a picture of a wolf howling at the moon on it. Okay. They had some. That's very lucky in theater. Very lucky. Wolf shirt, good luck. Mm-hmm.

And yeah, they had a bunch of interesting knickknacks. I have a, oh, I have another band that, another band I forgot to mention. No, I have another band that I didn't mention before. It's called Stones. And it's my friend from Halifax, Craig Curry, myself, and then a seven-year-old is the lead singer. And it's all her music. So I was getting her some gifts. Now that's a gimmick right there.

That's like an America's Got Talent. I wish it was more of a gimmick. Because, no, I used to work in like when I did music theater and music theater coaching and stuff like that the kids and their parents are such like show kids but this is just like a young kid who like started writing songs at five and came to me for music lessons and like we started um doing the instrumentation for them and my friend Craig was like he's like this is these are good songs like I'm gonna play guitar on this and so we just started kind of like it's like a fun party band.

And we write interesting songs. But I was getting that Kira, that kid, some temporary tattoos and stuff from the witch store. And a mood ring. Why not temporary eyebrow tattoos? They make those. I think they make those. I think you can. You seem very concerned. That makes the most sense to me a temporary uh eyebrow tattoo yeah yeah i don't know what it's like like

i've always been like eyebrows i don't got much but i got enough that i don't have to plug them but i don't know what it's like to go through life not liking your eyebrows did you ever pluck them graham no i don't have. I don't have enough to pluck. I mean, once in a while, I'll get one that just goes independent. You've got a nice shape, Dave. But these are plucked. The middle...

Yeah, I was going to say, does your hairdresser just go whoop, or do you do it? No, no, as a teenager, I did it. And then they never grew back. And so I get like light-colored... I shaved my arms when I was a kid, and I have a little bit of fuzz,

but it never really came back. Well, shaving should bring them back. The shaving, they shouldn't go away forever. But check it out. I'm not going to rub your arm. Check it out. Very smooth. It's a smooth arm.

Very smooth. It's too hot. It's too hot to rub another human being's arm. It's too, like, hot. Yeah, you're right Dave what's going on with you man Well Not a heck of a lot

The other day Abby and I were out At so I've had two things Two people just start talking to me Me and Graham Yeah Who let you in And so the other day Abby and I were out

We managed to have our parents Brother and sister Have my parents Babysit the kids Just so we could go We need to buy a new bed So we But we also stopped for lunch And we were having tacos and tequila.

Brought the tacos into bed with you. Yeah. Can we test these out? We're going to be doing a lot of this. I just want to get really comfortable. It's not like a Casper mattress situation where they mail you. Yeah. You can send it back.

And then you get a blue apron. You mail that back too. Mail back your tacos. So we, no, we went and we had tacos and margaritas. Nice. And I was drinking the margarita and I was talking about tequila and like how I don't know the difference between the $30 bottle and the $80 bottle of tequila. Like the taste. Yeah.

You can tell by the way the bottle looks. You know what I mean? But you can tell though like the bottom end versus like a little bit better, right? Yeah, but like, yeah. Because that tastes like there's like gasoline. But the bottom end, I don't buy the bottom end. I'll buy the like what I assume is the mid-range. I like to get Hornitos.

Oh, yeah? That's my favorite one. I've had that. I like it. Would you like the clear one or the? Clear one. Okay. I make something called Ranch Water.

Okay, describe. My friend Laura. You get a big jar. Ranch Water. Ranch Water. She's from the country. All the best recipes start with a big jar. Take a big old jar.

You put a whole buttload of ice cubes in it. Okay. Couple of shots of tequila. Squeeze some lime. Go out to your front porch. Get a little mint. Got to have a mint plant though first. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Get some mint. I mean, and good luck just having one. Oh, yeah. Mint in there. Spread. It's beautiful. Keep it in a little container. And then, um, sody.

Sody, lime, ice. Club sody or any sody? Club sody. Mm-hmm. Personally. Or water if you ain't, you're really not fancy. If you hate bubbles. Yeah.

Um, and it's, it's just a really nice, refreshing, delicious drink. Oh, I'll, yeah, I'm mostly soda and tequila. delicious drink oh yeah i'm mostly soda and tequila but i don't know like i was just telling abby like they i it's the one alcohol i actually like the taste of but i don't know i only ever have the clear stuff i don't know what the the color like the brown or yellower stuff is i don't know the difference between a super expensive bottle and a medium bottle. I've tasted both. I guess I'll just get the medium ones because they taste the same to me. Yeah.

And then the guy at the table next to me was like, I, uh... Excuse me. Excuse me. I, uh, I run a, I own a tequila bar in Mexico and you're like ah shit I could have been talking about any other thing

oh no I was talking about tequila the song I was talking about Tila Tequila famed reality show star and Nazi. He's like, yeah, that's what I have at my bar. It's a Tila Tequila themed bar. Yeah.

I thought she was really cute when she first came out. Sure. The whole world fell in love with Tila Tequila. And then. I felt so bad. Feel bad. You were wrong you brought

you encouraged it I know I didn't buy any of her products she had products? what did she have? I don't know lube I bet

oh yeah sure you're gonna need it tequila I hope and you know what if you're with somebody and they bust out the tequila lube

check the expiry date on that you're gonna wanna and they bust out the tequila lube. Check the expiry date on that. You're going to want to move on. Was she a MySpace celebrity? She was. And then she got a VH1 show. Right.

I remember her from... 100%. I'm going to say, just from listening to the podcast, when you have a hunch, go with it because you're almost always right. I am yelling at the phone sometimes. I'm like, Dave is right.

I know where this trail could have gone. But both of you are very good. But sometimes I feel like you and I have a very similar pop culture upbringing. Oh, well. In reference library. You're welcome. I'm telling you, you remind me of me. It's a huge compliment.

Do you have a pool my parents do I uh so yeah so this guy is like uh he sets me straight yeah

you just want 100% agave yeah that's basically everything everything that's not the bottom end um

and so he uh but he couldn't like like, I didn't know he didn't answer really any of the other things. I was like what's the difference between the $30 and the $80? He didn't know. He's like about $50. Yeah. Next question. Why are some of them

yellower? I don't know. Maybe they... The sun. Yeah. They pour pee in them. they pour pee in them they pour pee in them you know that little guy at the bottom of the bottom

worm pee yeah and then so that was that and then a few days later I'm by myself in the grocery store no

not talking about anything I go I need to get some olive oil i finally find every every grocery store it keeps different things like there's certain things that just go like the cereal aisle has all the cereal yeah but like something like olive oil it's not always in gonna be sometimes it's in the baking section yeah that's true there's no just like straight up oil so yeah yeah so i find it and i'm there for four seconds looking at different ones and a guy comes up and says excuse me what do you look for when you buy an olive oil i'm opening an olive oil bar olive oil council and i was like well like one, I know there's different, before I could even answer, he's like, because I have an olive oil company.

That's not true. Yes, he did. No way. And I'm just sort of like, I'm trying to get my salespeople, like I want them to know how to communicate with someone who's buying it. So what do you look for? And I was like, I know, because I had heard of this fresh air thing a few

years ago. Someone wrote a book about olive oil. Okay. And apparently a lot of it's mislabeled. Okay. And like. It's not virgin, it's bitter red. Yeah, yeah. And there's like, different like cold pressed stuff. There's a bunch of

terms and but also, even if you know the terms, a lot of them are lying on the bottle. And so he was like so I was like, well, yeah, I know that a lot of it's mislabeled. I know if something goes through Italy,

like it was transported through Italy, they can just say it's mislabeled. I know if something goes through Italy, like it was transported through Italy, they can just say it's from Italy. Right. And so I was like, well, what do you recommend here? And he was like, oh no, I'm not here to make a recommendation. I'm just here to flaunt my business.

Was his olive oil there? No. Was he just skulking? Yeah. Skulking around? It's not like he was handing out samples. Or maybe he was doing a little like just guerrilla market research. And I said, what should I be looking for on the label?

And he said, well, what you want is. A picture of a little man. What you want is to look at the acidity. And I said, what am I looking for? Oh, I can't remember now. He either said it was above four or less than four. Something four though. And so we were like, okay, well, let's just see what this one does.

Oh, this doesn't list the acidity. Oh, what about this one? None of them list the acidity. So there's nothing to look for. This guy. He screwed you. He screwed me? Now you're going to have to buy his online.

I'm jonesing for it now like jones brand olive oil jones family olive oil olive oil people send in pictures for the label and that's another one where like the price range goes yeah when olive oil is always it feels like like it's in small bottles I feel like it's in small bottles. And then you can go to, if you want vegetable oil, you could just get a drum. Oh, you get that clear plastic drum of vegetable oil. No, they make what? It's like what? Sorry, what vegetables are in vegetable oil?

Yeah, that's a good question. Isn't that just corn oil? I know nothing about oil. Oh, yeah. For cooking. I know a lot about oil for your face. There's sunflower. Sunflower's an oil. Yeah. That's one of of the like when they that that's an okay one that's a vegetable one canola

canola yeah and then that's just corn though right no it's what's canola well i'm gonna say a word that is not a good word it's rapeseed rap, yeah. I can see why they changed it. Yeah, yeah. But I feel like every other oil is in, like, there's just, you've got too much of it. And then olive oil, it's like, it's small. You must coax it out of the olive. You have to tuck the olives in bed every night before you harvest them. It's a tiny little ball. That's what I think of when they say the eggs are from a good chicken or meat is good.

I'm like, happy chickens. You got to tuck them in at night, sing them a little song. No antibiotics means they were sick their whole life. Oh, no, no, I'm not vaccinating my chicken. eating my chicken. But yeah, so like, I do know that there's like the cheap olive oil

you can cook with. Yeah. The nice stuff you put in like a salad dressing. Yeah, I didn't even learn. But also, you shouldn't cook with olive oil.

Yeah. You shouldn't? Well, I mean, it depends what you cook, but like anything that's like a, you shouldn't use it as a cooking oil. You can put it in a marinade or whatever.

But you don't put it... You can use it for high heat. Yeah. High heat. Why? What happens? Because it burns. It smokes before...

It takes the goodness out of it, I think. I see. Like if you're deep frying something, that's what vegetable oil is for. Yeah, that's why you get a big drum. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, boy. So yeah, just a lot of people

giving me not quite enough information about the things they're experts in. Claiming they're experts and then really backing off of... Oh, I didn't expect you to ask me any follow-up questions. Do you think that you just look like the kind of person somebody might want to make friends with? No, I think I

look like a rube and this guy's just like he's got a couple gallons of uh bad olive oil he's trying to upload yeah unlabeled in the back of his truck yeah come on don't buy any of this crap come with me yeah i mean he didn't tell me anything about his company he wouldn't like it was just like i was giving him free market research yeah that would be at best anecdotal uh this one guy i met kind of knew a little bit of olive oil because he heard a radio show about it so go out and sell yeah uh well that's more than i knew about all i didn't even know you shouldn't cook with the stuff. So there you go. I mean, yeah. I'm going to just go buy a big drum of the yellow, yellow oil. I know you're not supposed to cook with it. I still do.

Yeah. Like I'll put it on a pan. I just won't deep fry with it when I'm doing my daily deep fries. When I make my daily, uh, you know, corn dog. Your fritters. Yeah, your morning fritters. My morning funnel cake. Oh, man.

What's up with you? I went and saw the latest Mission Impossible film. Did they get Limp Bizkit for it again? Did he do it? Yeah, the second one. Oh, see, I've only ever seen... It might have even been... Wait, what?

Did Tom Cruise play the theme song? Is that what you're saying? No, Limp Bizkit. Limp Bizkit played the theme song. Yeah. I know they're a musical group. That's more shocking to me than Tom Cruise doing it himself. And it had lyrics.

Oh, really? Is that the one that was, Now I know why you want to hate me? Oh. Was that it? I don't know. I know why you want to hate me oh was that it I don't know I mean I've been told

that if I think something about pop culture I should follow that I'm probably right you are

but you know the big the big sell in this these movies is that Tom Cruise does his own stunt yeah

who else's stunts would he do that's true I was looking carefully I was like that other guy that Simon Pegg he's also Tom Cruise does his own stunt. Yeah. Who else's stunts would he do? That's true. I was looking carefully. I was like, oh, that other guy, that's Simon Pegg.

He's also Tom Cruise. Tom Cruise is doing Ving Rhames' stunts. Ving Rhames has the juiciest role in that movie because he's always in a chair. Everything he does involves him sitting in a chair. He's either in a van,

at a desk, but always in a chair. It's great. Have you seen all five? No. All five proceedings? No. No. And, like, this one is very, like, they're doing crazy stunts.

They want you to know that it's him. So his face is always in view. Or is it a mask? Exactly. Exactly. This is what they view. Or is it a mask? Exactly. Exactly. This is what they do. Or CGI. Yeah, but it's weird watching a guy that's like, I don't know, like the star of this movie doing motorcycle stunts.

It's so unnecessary. You're not doing this for me. I'm not enjoying this enough for you to be risking. But you are. But am I? He's doing it for you. Yeah. Doing it all for the fans.

Yeah, I feel like he shouldn't. I feel like it was cool to do it one time and be like, hey, this is the movie where I did all my own stunts. But, you know, getting up there, man. He is getting up there. I'm worried. Yeah, and he broke his foot on this movie. Maybe that's how he wants to go. Well, I mean, that's how we all want to go on a film.

Was it in a film, jumping out of a plane? I don't know. Did he break his foot off on something like that? Did he... You didn't enjoy the stunt? No, I enjoyed it very much. Okay. Well, then that's the point.

I know, but he doesn't, he needn't do it for me. Look at this sweet press he's getting right now. We're talking about it. People are talking. That's true. It's true. Would you rather that or like a completely hand-drawn? I mean, I don't want a hand-drawn Tom Cruise.

Well, no, but like Compared to an Iron Man suit Fighting a Spider-Man suit or whatever Yeah Like that no one has ever been in But okay here's the other thing Is you're watching him do all these things And then during the course of the film You feel like

What am I doing What am I doing with my life I'm not I'm not risking life and limb like this guy For anyone's entertainment So you know what I mean? I feel less than watching Tom Cruise do these stunts. Well, there's a church that can help you become more like Tom Cruise.

What if you think about it in a different way and think about it that you're such a good entertainer that you don't need to try and kill yourself. There it is. You can just sit there and read the phone book. People would love it. You proved it. You toured the world with it. And I don't have to jump out of a, I don't have to jump out of a no play.

I like it. I think that's just as. This is, this is the, this is the positive thinking that these kids are getting at that camp. Listen, this is good stuff. Everybody needs a little girls rock camp in

their life little girls rock camp in yeah especially the little girls yeah yeah but adults too i mean adults don't always get told like hey like you're doing all right you're doing you're doing great just being you yeah i mean the right adults aren't some adults get told that all the time and then they think it even though they suck. But like, it's a delicate balance. Yeah, he's going around telling adults that they're good. But do you think now he's locked into this bizarre thing where no matter if they make another Mission Impossible,

like, he can't not do the stunts. Like, he's locked himself into this weird i contract i think he wouldn't like i think he it's all part of it for him he wants to be he wants to be he's like a superhero he wants his like the headline when he dies to be like the last great movie star, like the last one who did it for us. You know? Yeah.

You know that's what he wants. I was talking about these movies the other day, and I don't think I've seen, I haven't seen them all. I think they're very good. Not a single one. I think. They're very enjoyable. Do you like them as much as the Daniel Craig, James Bonds? I think I like them more because they're sillier.

Yeah. You know, there's like, there's always kind of a silliness. They're not so heavy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about the Bourne movies? The Bourne? I've only ever seen the first of the Bourne. Well, they're all the same.

Okay. They're all a bunch of fighting. Yeah. Hand-to-hand fighting. Yeah. And then a bunch of car chases and then a bunch of people in a control room being like, we lost Bourne. Get eyes on Bourne.

Oh, I found Bourne. Get away from Bourne. But the other thing about this movie that's a notable thing is that Henry Cavill's in it. Does he have a... Okay, go ahead. He had a mustache that the studio wouldn't let him shave for... Superman. For going back and doing reshoots of Superman.

But this mustache adds nothing to it. Like, it's not like he's Mr. Mustache in it. Like, he just... Like, my father had a mustache. My father's father had a mustache. it's not like he's Mr. Mustache in it. Like he just going to My father had a mustache my father's father It's not like he's an old west character

and you're like oh my son's got a mustache. He can't get rid of the mustache it was microbladed on there. Abby watched that Justice League movie where he had the

Me too. And it is apparently did you was it so distracting? So it's so crazy that that was the solution that they came in like in film and tv though who do like costume and makeup that stuff is so so important to them

especially like for continuity and stuff like that like and sure but but but like the one like sometimes they're more dedicated maybe than even they need to be to it. You know what I mean? Like, yeah. But at any point in the, like, writing the script, there's no way that the character description is like, man enters with mustache. But, like, how long did it take him to grow that mustache, would you think? Probably, like, a couple weeks.

So he didn't have a couple weeks going back and forth between these movies he like we got you out of mission impossible for this little short window we couldn't get your mustache out of it your mustache is represented by mike ovitz of the two of the two things putting on a fake mustache or digitally erasing a mustache. Fake mustache is the... Oh, no, no, no, no, no. What? People will be able to see. Really?

People will be able to see. But even if it takes them two weeks to grow that mustache... Let's see them try to grow it in a week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Although, you know what, to be fair, a one-week mustache isn't anything. You could have just got it micro-blade filled in. Yeah, yeah. Or paint it.

Yeah. Paint half... Grow half a mustache it microblade filled in. Yeah, yeah. Or like paint it. Yeah. Paint half, like grow half a mustache. Paint on the rest. We'll paint the rest. Or we'll do extensions. I guarantee it. Tiny little extensions.

I bought, I saw that the Mission Impossible, the first five Mission Impossible movies were on iTunes for sale for 30 bucks. Oh. Six bucks a movie.

What a deal. And I've never bought movies on iTunes. I'm a Netflix guy. Mm-hmm. Until you die. Sometimes you gotta go to iTunes

if they, Netflix sometimes doesn't. Exactly, yeah, yeah. Especially in Canada, we get the short end of the stick sometimes. But I've never, we need to get into that.

I've never resorted to that. And so I, but I was like, Resorted. I like the movie. I haven't seen all five of these movies. I like the ones I've seen.

I'm buying them all. Yeah. And then I like the ones I've seen I'm buying them all And then I went in and I was like you know what else is never on Netflix And I always want to watch it The Naked Gun That's a great one You could have bought all three of those For more than the price of the five Mission Impossible

Yeah I mean that's the one with the baseball scene That's all you need I mean more specifically I just want the one. All right. Yeah, I mean, that's the one with the baseball scene. Right? That's all you need. I mean, more specifically, I just want to watch that baseball scene over and over and over again. But that's probably on YouTube. I just want to see the one where he pees for so long with the microphone on. Is that the first one or the second one? Oh, I might have to buy the second one. The third one's really bad, though, right?

Yeah, the third one. Really, I don't know what happened in that third one. And then there was that movie called Spy Hard. Yeah. I remember I went to that with my friend when it came out, and she hated it so bad. After the title sequence, which was performed by Weird Al, which I was stoked about, because he's my favorite performer at the time. Again, very few friends. But, yeah yeah my friend

made me leave like right away and I never left a movie before and I was so sad because like I spent like the only money I had

on that movie ticket I didn't feel comfortable sneaking into another movie but your friend did and was like bye I don't recall

I'm gonna go watch Jerry Maguire or whatever I remember Mousetrap was the live action version of Mousetrap was the live action version of Mousetrap was in the theaters

at the time and so was Titanic okay oh wow and I saw Titanic twice and I had to lie to my parents about it because they didn't like

the idea of me seeing a movie twice oh yeah I'm just like what we have TMN how dare you whoa you had the movie network

and a pool and a pool oh And a pool. Oh, man. Shit. Do I seem like a brat? You seem like the coolest kid on the block. That's what you seem like. But try being 5'11 when you're 12, man.

Try being 5'12 when you're 11. I saw, I've never seen Titanic. I did see Spy Hard in the theater I still remember I think I did too yeah Weird Al's head explodes at the end of the song

yeah yeah I remember that and it's like the song is about itself yeah yeah I've been I made my friends I'm staying with my friends

they live in just in Strathcona I don't know where I am I'm pointing you're pointing in the general right direction. I feel like that's where the cab came from. And they have a lovely little house. But everyone in the neighborhood kind of on the balcony can hear us.

And we were listening to, I really wanted to listen to Weird Al because I was trying to find this Weird Al Aerosmith reference that I thought was a thing but might have just been something I made up in my head. Did he ever do a Weird Al Aerosmith reference that I thought was a thing, but might have just been something I made up in my head. Did he ever do Weird Aerosmith? I thought it would have been in the Alternative Polka from 1996's Bad Hair Day, but it was not.

But that's still a great track. Well, he did Livin' in the Fridge. Oh, okay. It was Livin' on the Edge. It was the only song he ever did about food that was a good one I remember

I that might have been on Alapalooza that was a good one too I mean they're all good I remember I was listening to Waterfalls

by TLC so many times that summer that my dad was like I literally would rather even listen to Phony Calls. He's like please stop playing that song. Is Phony Calls the Weird Al one?

Yeah. That's pretty good. He's just getting a star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Doesn't that seem like something that would have happened in the 80s? I don't think that he was considered a true I don't think that he was considered a true...

I don't think he was given proper credit as a... I guess comedy community has taken him in more than the music community. But now he does so much stuff with... Which Naked Gun was he in? Because I might have to buy that second one. Was he in Naked Gun? I thought he was just in Spy Heart. He's,

no, he's a, there's a scene where Frank Drebin has done this overseas operation and he flies back and there's, he gives a press conference and there's all these people

meeting him at the airport. And he's like, talking about what it takes for a man to love a woman. Yeah. And someone whispers to him and says, these people aren't here for you.

Weird Al's on the same flight. I remember I did a game. I had this game called Ask Xandar when I was a kid. And it was like a crystal ball. Oh, yeah. I remember that. Yeah. And I wanted it so bad.

And one of the questions was like, if your, insert name of your favorite rock star here pulled you up on stage at his concert to kiss you something about that

and I was like Weird Al I was like wait a minute I don't want to kiss Weird Al but then I was like this game is sexist

assuming that all young women want to like music I was like I don't like him for his looks I like him for his talent his humor

was this game only for young women? I guess Or I guess it did Your favorite It was like Will your favorite rock star Pull you on stage At his concert and kiss you

And I was like I hope not Yeah I would hope not You know just I mean they're in a different town Every night You don't know who they

Pulled on stage The night before I feel like the 80s and 90s, there was a lot more on stage fan kissing. Yeah. I mean,

there was Courtney Cox in that Bruce Springsteen video. She just got up there and boogied. That was staged. There was no kiss. There was no kiss though.

I've seen footage of Alice Cooper kissing somebody in the audience. Oh, Baxie Boys would kiss. NSYNC would kiss. For sure. Ravishing Rick Rude would kiss.

Oh, wow. But that, you know, that was he would ask who wants to come into the ring and every lady in the stadium wanted to. It was a real bottleneck. Whoever got through,

that was who he kissed. Who else? Who else was a big smoocher? I mean, it's so gross. It is so gross. Just that, because the performer is always sweaty. Yeah, it's never after the first song. You taste it like salt.

Yeah. When they're all fresh. Also, you know, come on. Come on, everybody. Get your act together. No more smooching on stage. Yeah. Except if you're like like some guy

who was like big in the 60s who's doing like a nice sentimental cruise. Oh sure. And Peter Noon from Herman's Hermits is going around with the cold sore cruise.

I had a friend no joke once working on a cruise ship who made out with Mickey Dolenz. Wow. Made out with? That's a big mouth. He had a big mouth.

I was like, really? She's like, you can't tell me you wouldn't. And I was like, no, I can tell you I would not. Was your friend 30 years older than you? She's like younger than me. You know, him and that toque. That's the wrong guy. He shouldn't have been wearing the toque.

I think it was just like a kiss, which is actually kind of romantic, but also he's old. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He old. He's funny, though. He was on Difficult People, and he played himself, and it was very funny on that television program. He was always the ham on The Monkees. I know. I mean, he did that great James Cagney impression.

Was that him? Yeah, to teenage girls who had no idea who James Cagney was, I'm sure. Back then. Imagine him now. Nowadays, do you know how many James Cagney tumb, I'm sure. Back then. Imagine him now. Nowadays, do you know how many James Cagney Tumblrs there are? Yeah. Fuck yeah, youdirtyrat.tumblr.com. Oh, boy.

Do we want to move on to a little bit of business? Guys. Guys. Dave. Dave. Did you know. That it's business time? Yeah, absolutely. It's business time.

And a lot of people in business, they got to hire people. They don't. They don't. No one hires these days. Look, hires, Rot beer? They're hiring. Oh, really? Yeah. Have we made this joke before? Probably. Now,

I wouldn't want to hire somebody. It seems like a very complicated thing. It scares me. The very thought of hiring somebody scares me. But luckily, there's an easier way to do it than back in the old days where you'd have to just shout out of a window during a ticker tape parade. And then you're responsible for this person for the rest of their life.

Oh my God. Because you hired, you hired them, but you accidentally. This was back in the old studio system where you own their career. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it was, you, you were looking looking for puppies but you got a person yeah yeah yeah um so like uh luckily we don't live in those old time we don't live in mickey rooney

times anymore we do it's a shame but we don't and uh now there's an easier way to hire people i'll tell you how it is okay through zip recruiter theRecruiter. The crew? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, ZipRecruiter sends your job to over 100 of the web's leading job boards, but they don't stop there. Why would they? They've got more work to do. Well, they, if it was me, look, I don't want to tell ZipRecruiter how to do their business. I'd send

the jobs to 100 leading sites. I'd walk away. You feel like you've done your part. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You said your piece. You know what? I kick off early. Yeah. I go drink around the corner. Yeah, yeah. And then I go to a beach, take your socks off, put your toes in the sand.

Oh, so nice. With their powerful matching technology, ZipRecruiter scans thousands of resumes to find people with the right experience and invite them to apply to your job. They must have a big scanner. Yeah, one of the world's biggest. Wow. I think people

pull over on the side of the road just to see it. Hey mom, take my picture in front of the scanner. World's largest scanner. Yeah, look at the size of this USB. I can stand in it. And right now, our listeners can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address,

ZipRecruiter.com slash stop. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-T-O-P. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. It's new promo time, James. What you got in that guy? How about this? You need more black friends. Minority Corner.

Every Friday. Uh, okay. But girl, that doesn't say anything about how we're a podcast that talks about queer issues, race, politics, and pop culture. Now it does because I've already hit record. Oh, girl, you so sneaky. You be Linda Trippin' me. Minority Corner. Learn, laugh, and play. All from a perspective that's black, queer, you so sneaky. You be Linda Trippin' me. Minority Corner. Learn, laugh, and play.

All from a perspective that's black, queer, and ladylike. Because nobody puts minorities in the corner. Every Friday. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, boy, oh, boy, do people love to chat. And you know what? It's a segment where, boy, oh, boy, do people love to chat. And you know what? Sometimes you catch some of it in your ear, and then you want to bring it somewhere,

and you're like, where to? Where to? Where to bring it? Here to bring it. And we always like to start with the guests. Pretty, would you? Yeah, I've been dreaming and waiting for this moment. Or all at a time.

Oh, no. Oh, the fire alarm's going. I have two. Sure. Is that okay? Yeah. You want to go back to that? I'll do one, and then I'll do one,

and then I'll go around, and then I'm back. So, I went to Winners on Saturday when I arrived here. Nice. Because I need,

because everybody knows the first thing you have to do in Vancouver is check out the Winners. Check out winners, absolutely. For overstocked goods. But in non-gest,

it's a pretty sick winners. Very good. I needed to get, it's the one that is downtown. Okay. Okay. All right.

It's by, it's in between two different crepe places. Yeah. Yes. So I went to winners. Damn the crepe district. Yeah.

Yeah. So buy some shoes to wear to the wedding because I didn't have any. And a guy passed me. He looked like an older teenager, a guy in his 20s with his mom, an older woman. And he was like, I can't believe I took a boat to go to Winners. So I guess maybe he came from an island or something, but it made me laugh. Yeah, yeah. And you were, you took a plane to go to winners.

Listen, I love a good deal. Yeah. And you know what? Winners, you go in there, no expectations, you're going to find something. I got, for $60, I bought a pair of Clarks high heels. And I can't wear high heels because I'm very tall and I have wide feet. But Clark's are like comfortable shoes.

So I got nice black leather pumps. 60 bucks. By the way, I was going to ask you, you related to anyone from the Clark's shoe dynasty? I wish.

Are you kidding me? To be rolling around in that type of foot money? Yeah. Oh, man. And the wedding is off. Well, you can keep those shoes. My shoe dowry.

Yeah, the pre-nuptial agreement. Pre-pre-nuptial agreement. Do you have any of those shoes? Good shoes. I had a pair. And you know what? Lasted a long time. Kind of weird looking.

A little bit weird looking, the pair I had. Here's the thing. They are, like, comfortable shoes usually are ugly as hell. Why? Because they want to make sure that hot people are in pain. Yeah. And if you're going to go function over fashion,

it's like a scarlet letter. Yeah, it really is. It's like an ugly border of your shoe. I think they're handsome. No, I'm sure the men's shoes probably have nice playments, but sometimes it's like probably one in every ten pairs are like nice, normal looking shoes. Like these black pumps I got.

I wore them and I was like, they're Clarks. And everyone's like, you can't even tell. That's what you want. Oh. And you can't tell. Yeah. But like they're men's shoes. They make the desert boot and they make the wallaby.

Oh, yeah. Those are nice. The moccasin style. My dad is a shoe salesman. they make the wallaby oh yeah those are nice the the moccasin style my dad they also make like a lot of a lot of stores that are like foot health you do have like uh yeah do you have orthopedic correctors yeah do you have uh you know fibromyalgia of fasciitis of some kind of planter um your dad was my dad was at we're at a shoe store when he was like in university uh and he has so many sweet sweet like vintage like florsheim and clark's

shoes oh yeah get your sizes later they're unworn they're like unworn vintage men's shoes pretty sweet and they said to you do any of your friends have my dad My dad is a bit of like a hoarder of like, of everything. He's a photographer and a musician. So like my parents' house is like boxes of like negatives and film, or in scores, like full orchestral scores, and then juice. It's pretty wild. Something to dance to, something to dance in. Ah, nice.

Dave, do you have one over here? And something to take pictures of your feet when you're dancing. That's the real money maker. My overheard is kind of an overseen. Oh, I was going to say, this weekend I took Margo to the movies for the first time ever. That's so exciting. That is fun. And we...

Mission Impossible? Yeah. No, the... Yeah, we... Mission Impossible? Yeah. No, we went to Hotel Transylvania 3. She had just seen the first two. Yeah. She's like, how does this end? How does this trilogy end? I had never sat through those specific movies.

I've seen the Trolls movie a million times. Sure. I've seen Moana a zillion times. Moana is messed up. What does this mean? I saw that for the first time when I was doing an overnight Girls Rock camp thing. I thought these weren't overnight. We did a one-night overnight thing in Owen Sound that I ran as part of their Lupercalia Festival.

So it was a little outlier. Sure. It was the only overnight one ever. Okay. But we watched Moana. And by the time I got to that part with the coconuts, that was scary. Coconuts that were like sentient. Oh, yeah, yeah. The little, because they have their own island.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah. No, it's. It's too scary for me. Well, yeah, you should see the evil island made out of lava. It's got like scary fingers. Mario snoozes through that one yeah uh but uh yeah so we these hotel transylvania movies are bad they're they're uh adam sandler and

his crew in animated form yeah why does he need his friends even for that yeah like they don't have to be in the studio together yeah but they but they probably are. Yeah. All wearing jerseys. But, like, also, yeah, it's like, Adam Sandler wears sweatpants to movies where he's seen. Are there any women in his group of friends? No. Okay. No. I'm just trying to imagine what it would be like if it would be, like, a situation like

Dane Cook's girlfriend and friends. His girlfriend is 19. Yeah. Yes. But he's only 23. girlfriend and friends. His girlfriend is 19. Yeah.

Yes. But he's only 23. Anyway, so we took the sky train there because Margo loves taking the sky train. Yeah, that's right. She doesn't know any better. Yeah. Especially the only time she's ever been on it is weekends and nobody's on there. Mm-hmm. And so I was like, this movie's 87 minutes long.

How do I stretch this out? Also, the movie starts at 12.15. She's been dying to go since she woke up at 6 in the morning. So what do we... Well, if we go on the Sky Train, we can add another half hour to it. So... SkyTrain. Yeah, yeah. We can add another half hour to it. So, and the, this, this is not even close to my overheard.

I'm just talking about it. It's good. But my, so, a few months ago, Morgan Freeman was supposed to do the ads on the SkyTrain, not

the ads, but the announcements on the SkyTrain. And then he was accused of sexual misconduct and Visa stopped that promotion and Seth Rogen,

local boy, said, why don't I do it? Yeah, we talked about this last week. Do you guys know what he's doing in Toronto too? Huh? He's done it for the Toronto subway too. I don't know. I can't Toronto subway too. I don't know. I can't get, I can't take that subway. I don't want to hear him.

Okay. So he's done it. And I didn't know we talked about it last week. Yeah. Had someone heard it? Yeah, I had heard it. Oh,

I, well, have you heard about this? And what did you, what did he say in yours? To not play music out of your uh speakers on your phone and also to move to the back to the bus yeah oh yeah on the sky train here's what he said on the sky train what's the point of this like there's no you can't tell it's him you can't tell what he's saying yeah on the bus you could really hear him it's a real i pulled out my earbuds specifically as i

was like is this it is this the and it was it's uh it's a it's a zero on the sky train anyway so that was that but my over to her it is an overseen yesterday i was uh abby takes the abby works on Tuesdays So I take the kids And Margo really wanted to go swimming So we went swimming And there was a I've never seen this class happening

When we go swimming on the weekends There was some kind of swim class going on With like 10 year old kids And they got on They put on their life jackets And then They their life jackets and then they put life jackets upside down on their bottom half like life diapers. Life diapers.

Yeah. And I'm glad I had a three year old with me because she doesn't know it's rude to stare at people and ask, why are they doing that? But it was, I don't know what's rude to stare at people and ask why are they doing that but it was i don't know what that was yeah i don't but like and there was a teacher like it makes you super floaty yeah and i was watching the swim double the float what you do if a boat is sinking fuck the other people take as many life jackets as you can women and children last dave first One life jacket for each arm One for each leg But it was like they were swimming

And it was basically like they could lie down Oh that seems nice A nice lie down Even if it's in a public pool and people are staring at you Still nice So there was this promotion where Morgan Freeman was supposed to Supposed to make announcements at our local pools.

No running on the pool deck. Is that anything? I'm not sure. I'm not sure who that was. Dave doing Morgan Freeman. Take two. No horseplay.

Very good. Very close. Very good. no horseplay very good very close very good uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh

uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh uh Something about penguins. Yeah. You haven't overheard? I do, yeah. I was at this show that takes place in an art gallery called the Slice of Life Gallery. The show's called Barely Legal. And I heard two guys. I never heard this. Maybe this is an expression. But these two guys were talking about a girlfriend of one of theirs.

And he said he described her as being man she was so high she was high as a diving board and i was like oh maybe that's a cool shirt yeah i mean not all diving boards are high but low one yeah but still pretty i was like if that if that's his own pretty great what's the highest diving board you've been off of? I've been off of the Olympic one. The 10 meter? Yeah, yeah. I didn't dive. I jumped.

Yeah. And man, oh man, that swimsuit, all the way up my butt. Yeah, legend still says there's still parts of it up there. That's from one of the Pirates of the caribbean they're trying to find specks of specks of under uh netting mesh under your in your lower intestine but yeah it like uh i used to just go off the 10 foot and i was so scared i was so scared but i had people who were uh who cajoled me i was pure it was all peer pressure. I never would have done it on my own.

And I don't feel like I gained anything by doing it. I feel like all I did was cave into peer pressure and kind of hurt myself jumping off of the board. Yeah. Yeah. Every year there's like a handful of people who die cliff diving around here. Yeah. And it's like, for me, it's like, well, like, obviously. Yeah.

The thing going through my mind is, I'm going to die if I do this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And people do. Yeah. It's not, you know, it's like in the days where, like, people used to go over barrels, you know, over Niagara Falls. That was my biggest fear as a child child that I would have to do that. To pass grade seven.

Will they make you do fucked up shit? Like in grade eight, we had to do, like, scale down a wall while we were winter camping and I was like,

I don't want to do this and they're like, well, you have to learn how to tie the knots and stuff. I was like, I will tie the knots,

I will put the harness on, I will walk to the stupid edge of the thing, but you can't make me climb down that stupid wall. You are not like, sure, you're a trained professional, but you're doing this stupid winter camp for grade 8 kids. You can't be that good. Yeah. I don't trust you.

You're not Sylvester Stallone in Cliffhanger. Yeah. Just what you want. You had another overheard. I did. Just what you want. You had another overheard. I did.

I saw in the window of a store here in Vancouver, saw some underpants with what looked like to be the WrestleMania logo on them, but instead they said Menstrual Mania. Menstrual Mania. Nice. I remember when my dad took me to Menstrual Mania. Yeah, sure. He read the ticket wrong. It was actually the working name for Lilith Fair.

Pretty good. Remember when Hulk Hogan slammed Andre the Giant yeah yeah yeah and into a big maxi pad that was pretty good yeah now we also

have overheard sent in to us from people all over the world if you want to send one in to us from people all over the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. Make sure no one is underneath the diving board when you jump. This first one, I think these are all Kids Say the Darnest. Right.

Oh, is it that? It's a Kids Say the Darnest week here. Stop podcasting yourself I was on a flight from Cincinnati This is Josh from Austin From Cincinnati to Austin And a mother and her son, around five And daughter, around three, were sitting behind me

After a long period of silence I heard the son ask Mom, can our dogs sing? I mean, they can't. Yeah. They howl along with the, you know, police siren. And they can say, I love you. Yeah.

And, uh, yeah, there's like not, is there a jingle dogs? Like, yeah. Oh, for sure. Yeah. So that's what I, what I took out of that overheard is that there are direct flights from Cincinnati to Austin. I guess so. What kind of business would you be conducting from Cincinnati?

Barbecue. Yeah, rock and country. Yeah, sure. Different kinds of chili. One you put on spaghetti, one not so much. One not so much. We're home of the chili that you not so much put on spaghetti. much we're home of the chili that you not so much put on spaghetti um this next one uh comes from josh in santa cruz california a man went to pick up his son as they were leaving the beach as he

did the kids flip flop fell off and the boy said oh no my shoe then sadly i didn't even get to say goodbye I mean yeah I feel like I've lost a hat when I was a kid I was like instantly remembering all the good times that I had with that hat

as I watched it sail down a river yeah light the corners sorry yeah exactly you guys said I could sing, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course

That's why you're here for The other day When we were in Whistler Margot was She had this She was pretending she had a gun At this beach Yeah

And she said it was a gun That shoots lava and blood Oh, yeah Cool I was like, what kind of blood human blood she's like yeah

and then she just started singing human blood human blood I'd like to sign Margo yeah you got the goods

yeah get a backing band I just you know the younger the kid the higher the sales yeah oh sure yeah

yeah so long seven year old sing human blood yeah Younger the kid, the higher the sales. Yeah. Oh, sure, yeah. So long, seven-year-old. Sing human blood. Yeah. That's what we gave. Shumka family slideshow players. We did our first big show.

Stones is the name of my band. Yeah. Seven-year-old. We did our first big show for North by Northeast this year. I was lucky enough to get to curate a showcase so i was like all my bands well instead of i thought it would be a good time to put stones on because kira's so not like a show kid and so like a lot of the time i'll be like do you want to do a show and she'll be like no i'm okay and so we won't like but like if people want to do like people want she's exactly like brian wilson yeah um she does play in a sandbox

um but sorry am i drunk um you better not be. You had one small beer. But no, having control over that situation was and like run the show ourselves, which was pretty awesome. And we like decorated it for our band because we were a lot of songs about like underwater stuff. So we had like blow up jellyfish for our song, Mr. Jellyfish. And we had like a bunch of like projections and stuff. So it was really cool. Well, that was really cool. I do hate the idea of making kids perform Mickey Mouse Club style.

Making kids into little adult performers. They all turned out fine. All the Mickey Mouse kids. Didn't they? Yeah. They're all fine. Justin Timberlake. JT. Britt. Ryan Gosling. Keri Russell.

They're all doing great. Ryan Gosling. Kerry Russell. Yeah. They're all doing great. I don't know about JC. Yeah, maybe not so. He was playing Judas in a tour of Jesus Christ. He's doing great. He's doing great. It's a great show.

Touring, yeah. I played Judas when I was in high school. Really? It was my greatest role. Nice. I buy it. With several of the Revis brothers who also went to my high school. Do you know them?

They're comedians. They're from Toronto. They started the rap battles. Oh yeah! They're very funny dudes. Cool. This last overheard comes from Bobby California. Bobby California? Bobby California. Oh my god, there's a character from Saved by the Bell.

This was last fall on a tour of the German parliament building. The Reichstag? I guess so. At the end of the English language tour of the parliament, we were sitting in the main hall having a Q&A with the tour guide. After some discussion of German politics, the guide asked if there were any more questions. Our three-year-old, silent through the rest of the tour, raised his hand and asked, Me have one question. How works the penis?

Me have one question. How works the penis? Okay. Okay, kid. That's like the human blood song. Is this a baby cave? Oh, kids. God love them.

Like, I couldn't answer that. Not because it's awkward. I don't like the same way I couldn't answer how works the elbow. Yeah, yeah. Like, what's the penis tax you want?

You guys know how works the penis. Yeah, it fills with pee and then it drips out. Yeah. It fills up like a bulletin. I mean, everybody knows. Growing up, why wouldn't the pee

be thrown in the scrotum? Yeah. Yeah. Like, it's a bag right there. What do you need? What do you need a bag for if you're not going to fill it with liquid? Why isn't it getting bigger? I guess I just don't quite get

how it works, but it's in there. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. The phone number is simple to remember. 1 8 7 8. Nope. written in. We also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. The phone number is simple to remember. 1 8 7 8 1 8 6 6 SpyPod 1

Well, we all know. 1 SpyPod 1 I don't know the number. That is 1 8 4 4 7 7 9 7 6 3 1 or 1 SpyPod 1 Like these people have. 444-779-7631 or 1-SPYPAD1. Like these people have.

Hi, Dave. Hi, Graham. Hi, possible guests. This is Olivia in Los Angeles. I was recently working the craft services table at an infomercial for a vacuum cleaner, the filming of one, because my life is very glamorous. We were talking about our astrological signs, and one of the guys asked a woman nearby, hey, what's your sign?

And she said, without any hesitation, dollar. Oh. Off I go. Bye. Yeah, real slick answer. Yeah. You know what you're after. Go get it.

Go get it. She's not messing around. Yeah. Yeah. what you're after. Go get it. Go get it. She's not messing around.

Yeah. Yeah. It's like when Lauren Conrad from the Hills was on a thing. Yeah. Someone asked, what's your favorite position?

And she said, CEO. Damn. Damn, Lauren Conrad. So good. Nothing was gonna, nothing was gonna stop

that locomotive that is Lauren Conrad. I mean, she'll forever be the girl who didn't go to Paris. Oh, right. I don't know why is that. She stayed at home with her boyfriend. She didn't go to Paris.

Yeah. So she's a real Rachel Green. She also did not go to Paris. She got off the plane. Yeah. I mean, for that. So a lot of people online make the case that Ross on that show was a real loser. Yeah.

And I guess I never, I just never thought of it. But re-watching episodes, I'm like, yeah, I guess he really was. Ross sucks. Rachel sucks. Monica sucks. Chandler sucks. Even though he's funny. They're so mean about fat people in that show.

It's so hard to watch. Yeah. Like Monica and that fat. Joey and Phoebe, do they suck? Joey and Phoebe rule. So the dumb ones are the best. What about Gunther? Ignorance.

Bliss. Think about it. Yeah, I like Joey. Yeah. He's garbage, but he owns it. Right. Yeah. Also, his thing was he was like the horny character at the beginning,

and then he became the guy who just liked eating all the time. Hi, David. I've been an overheard. This is Alex in Davis, California. And I was shopping at my local natural food store, and in the bulk section, they have a place for brewing supplies and fermentation supplies. And there, there was a couple having a very public and very petty argument where the man was like, oh, look, here's some stuff. I need to pick up some stuff over here. And she's like, I don't care. I don't care. Wait. Wait. over here and she's like i don't care i don't care wait wait is this for your fucking pickle shit again he's like uh yeah she goes oh it's so gross i can't believe it but i'm getting out of

here and she grabs a bottle of wine and stomps off and he goes to follow her. And then a little while later, I run past them. I run across them again in the frozen food aisle, and he goes, wait, wait, so you're telling me that a dragon fruit is $13 a pound? How many fruits do you get in a pound? And she says, oh, just one. And he says, wait, so so you paid 13 for a dragon fruit and she says yeah and i ate it for lunch and he goes did you have anything else with lunch he

goes no i ate my 13 pound dragon fruit and i enjoyed it okay all right well off i go that couple has a lot going on their relationship so much i never want to date anyone again that makes me so yeah yeah yeah it's uh so you know she's mad that he's making his own pickles. He's mad. That she spent $13 on an exotic fruit that was her entire lunch. Yeah. Although, you know what? I spent $14 on lunch today, and it wasn't even that good. Yeah. You wouldn't even have the bragging rights to say you ate a whole dragon fruit.

Which I don't know offhand what a dragon fruit is. It's like that pink and white one with the black seeds. Yeah. It's sort of kiwi-ish on the inside. Yeah. I thought for a second I was confusing it with jackfruit, which you can make into a very convincing fake meat. I don't find it all that convincing. Have you tried the pulled pork style jackfruit?

Yeah. It's too much water in there. My pal mixed it with tofu, like, curds. They look kind of like cheese curds of tofu.

Okay. And for some reason, I was into it, and I ate meat. Okay, alright. It was good. Alright.

I played that overheard by accident. You guys were still talking about something. I thought you were just like, alright, let's move it along. No,

my finger slipped. But it was very funny. When I started playing, you laughed, and I was like, all right, keep it. Here's your final overheard. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Alex calling from Boston, Massachusetts with an overheard. I had a phone interview, and the HR lady and I started talking about pets, and I mentioned I had a dog,

and she's like, oh, where did you get your dog from? I said, oh, I got it from a rescue group. She's like, oh, that's so nice that you got a used dog. My dog hasn't been born yet. We're doing in vitro. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the dog that I, it's too posh to push, so it's going to be a cesarean. My dog surrogate

Is it French bulldogs Are all born By C-section I think Oh really Cause their heads Are so big They shouldn't exist

Boy they do have some big And tiny vaginas That's why they gotta do it Oh man French bulldogs Heads So blocky Oh boy

What a waste of a Soul Oh boy So damn cute Well that brings us To the end of this here podcast Gritty you've got You've got things going on

Oh and also When we have musician guests We can play a song at the end Would you like us to play a song at the end? Yeah, you can. All right. Well, you know what? Think about it while we wrap it up, and then you get to introduce it at the end.

Amazing. But your album that's out now is called? Join the Cult. And people can get this. This is on? Get it on your iTunes, your Bandcamp. Bandcamp is a great place. You can pay for it.

I think it's $7 because they take a cut of it. But you can also buy it on iTunes or stream it on any of the streaming services, iTunes and Spotify and all that Apple music and stuff. And I also have a Patreon for my collective, No Mean City Collective, which helps me. No Mean City. No Mean City Collective. It's me. No Mean City. No Mean City Collective. Yeah, it's patreon.com slash no mean city.

And so it's a record label as well as educational collective and donations help me give free music lessons to students who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford them. Nice. And I can just say some internets, I guess. Yeah. So lavenderbruisers.bandcamp.com is a great place to download my record. Patreon.com slash nomaincity is a great place to check out the stuff for the collective. Instagram, I'm kritowski, K-R-I-T-O-W-S-K-I. And Twitter, let it be, like, beArthur, L-E-T underscore I-T underscore B-E-A.

And that's probably it. Thank you. Let it be Arthur, man. I love B Arthur. I met her once. I was taller than her. What? Yeah, just if you ever need a reference.

Because I'm like 5'11". But you've been that way since you were 12. You guys know me so well. I really stunted your growth turning 12. Yeah. It's just done. But thank you for having me so well. I really stunted your growth turning 12. Yeah. It's just done. Thank you for having me, Jared. Thank you for being on the show.

It was so much fun to have you here. And you guys out there. We will be traveling this great country. Oh, yeah. Come see us. Hither and yon. We'll be in Toronto. We'll be in Winnipeg.

Toronto's the 23rd. Yeah. Winnipeg of September. Winnipeg is the 25th. Vancouver's the 28th. I don't know if those tickets are out yet. Maybe. But it's a very special show. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Calgary in October.

Edmonton and Saskatoon. Maximumfund.org. Just look at this episode recap. Not a recap, episode post. And you'll see where to buy tickets, you Canadian hosers. Yeah, you bunch of hosers. And if you like the show, you know what? Tell your friends and come on back next week

for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself and now we're going to hear a song and now you can check out this track from my record it's going to be the first single with a video coming out soon

and it's called I Would Have Lifted You Up In your eyes You have that something about you In the night You pretend you could fall in love And you told me Tonight, you pretend you could move on And you told me the things you wanted to hear But you lied, you leave me in a blur

The heart breaks real but it isn't happening And how you feel is what I've been grappling with Every night you bring something new to me Without your love I forget who I want to be I would've lived in you, boy I would've lived in Cuba When we talk, it's like a thousand memories Memories that never happened lay in front of me And I know they'll bear anything we build We're so tough, it's just a tease and a little sleazy. I lost my knees, it isn't easy.

I wish I put a tip, but you told me we couldn't even give it a chance. We couldn't even give it a chance Heartbreaks, real, but it isn't happening And how you feel is what I've been grappling with Every night you bring something new to me Without your love I forget who I want to be I would've lifted you up Would lift it you up Lift it you up I wanna lift it you up

Lift it you up I wanna lift it you up Thank you. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.