Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 546 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: September 3, 2018

Comedian Chris Locke returns to talk Richie Rich, green bananas, and Juggalos.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 546 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man they call San Francisco Treat, Mr. Dave Shumka. Because I'm Rice. Yep.

And I'm a roni. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I used to date Bobby Brown. He had a song called Rony, right? Yeah, or maybe, I know Vanilla Ice had a song about a Rony. Was there like, was that a thing? Yeah, Ronys were a thing for a time. Yeah, yeah.

Was it a, what was it? Boy, uh, boy. Because Bobby Brown was not happy with his Rony. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, and I feel like Vanilla Ice was happy with his. So, is he still with us, Bobby Brown was not happy with his roni. Oh, okay. Because, yeah, and I feel like Vanilla Ice was happy with this. So, is he still with us, Bobby Brown? Bobby Brown is the surviving member of his family. Ah.

Congratulations, Bobby Brown. Oh, dear. Our guest today on the podcast, a returning guest, one of our all-time faves, a very funny comedian. It's Chris Locke as our guest. Hello. Ah! You guys were like,

oh no, he screwed up. Oh no. Oh no, he's locked up. Oh no. I just waited for a sec. Took some time.

Huge Bobby Brown fan. Really? It's my prerogative. That's all I know. See ya. See ya. That was the album that had Roni.

Yeah. Was it? Yeah, that's his big one. Yeah. I mean, Humpin' Around, whatever album that one was on.

That was later, right? That was maybe the next one. Wow. He got pretty erotic pretty quick. Humpin' Around is the worst title for a song

on the planet. Hmm. I don't like the word hump. What about the Humpty Dance? No, Humpin' Around is the worst title for a song on the planet. Hmm. I don't like the word hump. What about the Humpty Dance? No, Humpin' Around is good. That's different because I still think

it's a guy named Humpty. Okay. I'm not picturing him humping. And like with Humpin' Around it's like he's trying to say the F word

but he knows he can't get away with it. Yeah. But he's not just trying to slip it in. It's the title. It's the chorus. But that's my thing is like for a substitute for the f word hump god it's like what are you having

lunch with your grandparents so who are you helping who are you helping these days christopher grandma those dogs are humping. Not, you know, which is natural. Yeah, you're right. It is. Okay, so a lot of the dogs listening were about to get offended. Hey, I can hump too.

Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Chris. But if anyone humps? Dogs. Oh, man, absolutely. Any time of day is the right time.

They don't need to get in the mood. That's the great thing about dogs. A lot of crappy comedy films these days cut to a dog humping a lot. Do you notice that? No, what are you talking about? I only see highbrow movies. Yeah, I know. dog humping a lot. Do you notice that? No. What are you talking about? I only see highbrow movies. Yeah, I know.

There's only one dog humping scene in like a Godard movie. It was in Breathless. It was when the, yeah, he gets killed, shot and killed and then you see

these dogs humping by the Sien. So it's sad and then it's hilarious. Yeah. Honk. That's like the last sound

of the film it's just somebody stepping on a horn yeah you can't well you know what if you rearrange the letters in godard it's dogard yeah dog nards yeah you know what i really want to see to be honest is like a dog humping another dog but the one that's doing the humping has one of those clown horns attached to his belly. So it's like, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Now, but what movie...

I really want to see that. Yeah, I know, but what movie specifically were you thinking of that cut two dogs humping? I don't know. I just feel like it's a cliche I've seen and maybe David Spade was there.

I don't know. I'm sure all of Adam Sandler's productions. I have no idea. I don't know. That's a, they don't even write it in. They just have a rubber stamp that in the script. Oh no,

I think you're right. I think it's not even, I think it's like luck, like just filming on location all the time. They're like, Whoa, get this, get this.

We're in studio. It get this, get this. Or in studio. It could happen in studio too. At the sandwich table. Holy crap, turn around. There's just a sandwich table in 50 First Dates. Get

this. Turn it around. Turn the camp to the whole. Light these dogs check the color balance on this dog's wiener it is but it is good like you will you will stop what you're doing if dogs are yeah yeah yeah you will definitely pull over yeah um what's new and exciting um well uh so i'm here visiting uh all you great guys i love it out here great scene um i'm getting away just for a few days to do some shows out here

uh because my wife just finished like a crazy six months or so work of writing on working moms and acting on uh mr d and in the middle of growing our second child whoa so yeah i was doing a lot of stand-up in toronto and a little bit of traveling but not that much so when she was wrapped uh i was like i'm gonna do a fun vacation do some shows decided to come out here and then uh in a month my second daughter is born and i'm dead meat so you know it's a girl yep can i suggest a name little dave oh yeah i thought you were gonna say humpeth little humpy do no yeah yeah

little Dave is fine yeah I like it very nice Daveette ooh that's not progressive eh

why how so I'm going backwards I don't want to say that I remember when I was a kid there would be

people would you know what do they say? Misgender you? Yeah. And they would, you know, like, hey, Chris. Oh, hey, Christina. Yeah. Ah, yeah.

But there wasn't one for Dave. There was no like, hey, Michael. Oh, Michelle. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You mean like boys trying to like be dicks to you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I. Michelle. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. You mean like boys trying to be dicks to you? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, I got Christina. But I would be like, I'm not a girl, and then I'd start masturbating in front of them every time. But you'd do it very slowly. And very, very, very. With Eminem. Yeah, very. The angriest furrowed brow.

Keep walking backwards. But, yeah, I don't know. furrowed brow keep walking backwards but yeah I don't know sorry to make it gross off the top that's fine how are you guys I miss you guys

get to us yeah yeah okay what else do you want to know um baby time yeah do you

what do you love babies uh you know what he's got baby fever I've never liked babies before I had babies. Yeah.

Would you have another one? No. Yeah. That's where I'm at. That's where I'm at. Not even just because, like, I came from a family of four, and then I was like, oh, yeah, I will. I'll have, or a family of six with four kids. And I was like, oh, yeah, well, I'll definitely have four kids.

And then you grow up, and you're like, well well i'll definitely have four kids and then uh you grow up and you're like well i'm not yeah i'm not a billionaire yeah yeah yeah times are have a changed yeah bob dylan was right yeah he's kind of our nostradamus i feel like our baby the people who have the most kids are either the like very rich or very poor because like it costs the same yeah yeah not being able to afford any kids and being able to afford a bunch of kids richie rich was a he was an only child no siblings in the richie rich household and i feel like was he also adopted or was he like because i don't remember his parents. I remember he had a butler. I get him mixed up with Casper. Yeah.

That's easy. One of them's dead. Yeah. I won't tell you which one. I'll let you figure that out for yourself. Actually, someone, I think, on the internet when I was on it one time. Yeah, yeah. Who logged on. Made the illusion that actually Casper was Richie Rich's ghost.

Oh, yeah. Have you seen that or heard that? Yeah, yeah. That's kind of cool. Yeah. That is kind of cool. It's the same drawing style and the same comic company. The very first ghost. Oh, yeah. Are you seeing that? I heard that. That's kind of cool. Yeah. That is kind of cool. It's the same drawing style in the same comic company.

The very first Casper comic, too. His first speech bubble is, I guess having so much money doesn't matter after all. You can't take it with you. That's the joke on the cover? Well, here I go. Back to zilch. And he's pulling out his ghost pockets and a little ghost

what is what is the i guess i know that okay richie rich is rich he has everything sure he has the dollar sign he loves dollar his dog has a dollar sign on it yeah he loves dollar sign yeah he's got a he's got a gold everything. He's very committed to the American dollar being the gold standard. And he has, you know, he wears shorts. He never wears full pants. He was portrayed by Macaulay Culkin. Yeah.

And maybe John Larroquette was in the movie? Yep. All right. Oh, you guys. This is good. This is a lot of info. But Casper, I don't know his deal other than he's a friendly ghost. Is he a fugly ghost?

He's a fugly ghost. No, but Casper, the saddest part is, because I've watched a cartoon in the last few years, he just wants to make friends. Oh. And then they always find out he has fun for a bit and then they find out he's a ghost

and they scream and run away. So what is his... It's the saddest cartoon. What is his ruse to make them think he's not a ghost? Because isn't he see-through? Okay, the one I'm thinking of

he goes to a Halloween dance. So they think he's a boy in a ghost costume but jokes on them he's really a dead boy. Honk. Two dogs are humping beside him. Two dead dogs.

I'm going to start a comic called Two Ghost Humpers. Anyways. And how does that go? No, no. No, no. We're well into it. And how does that go? No, no.

No, no. We're well into it. Well, this is something that Richie Rich bought and has a room that he keeps a bench and just goes and watch what this butler makes him sandwich. This is a... I think it's weird if you're super rich and you eat a sandwich. Like you would eat an exotic? Because I feel like Richie Rich, there was an element where the butler was giving him sandwiches on a tray. Yeah.

But like a gold tray. Yeah. What would you... That's the thing. So could you imagine having a gold tray and then getting like just a tuna sandwich handed to you on it? What would it... I'd be like, give me the tray. Yeah.

But like... That's weird. Because what would a kid... Because he the tray yeah but like that's weird because what would a kid i because he doesn't have he has parents and so he can't do everything he wants he just like he can't just eat candy for lunch no although teddy oh yeah maybe i don't know now i think i'm thinking of blank check yeah yeah i mean it now if you were a rich you just had endless money what would you eat like would you do wouldn't you just still eat a sandwich but as a as a grown-up or as a kid

i guess it would be like a lark you know what i mean like pretending to be a a bum like you'd eat a tuna fish sandwich like you'd eat sandwiches all the time but you'd be like imagine imagine i really did this slumming it but you'd eat sandwiches all the time, but you'd be like, imagine, imagine I really did this. I'm slumming it. But you'd still be eating it. You'd be like, how gauche. But like, they also, sometimes there's like a news story about like the $250 hamburger. Oh yeah.

Or whatever, $1,000 hamburger. Yeah. It's got like gold leaf on it and, you know. But do you eat the gold leaf? I think it's edible and you get to, you know, see it in your stool. Yeah. That's a fun experience. That's a real rich, rich experience. I know David Cross did a bit about it like way years ago,

but I personally am sick of edible gold being even talked about like you're just mad that it makes me furious yeah i don't want people to be excited about it and i don't want people to do it yeah i think it's like this one of the stupidest things on well you of the earth you would not be a very good richie rich no i i don't think i would yeah i i like being comfortable i feel like being rich is not equal to being comfortable i would like a sense i would i think no matter how much money you get you have a great nothing i mean not nothing beats a great sandwich but a great sandwich is is it's pretty up there yeah i mean the guy who invented it was the earl of sandwich that guy had

to be rich. Yeah. You know who was rich and ate just a regular sandwich? King Ralph. Yeah, that's true. This is going to be another 90s episode, guys. When were you? Were you here at Christmas or December? Yeah, and we talked about Primus a lot. I don't want to

do it again. I'm sorry. And then we realized all our references were from the 90s yeah yeah yeah sorry people listening although king like guys if there was ever a comedy that like could use a reboot yeah king ralph i would love to be king ralph yeah oh yeah like you know when they censor a and the voice changes a bit? Hump. Hump. Give us a couple more reads of Hump.

Grandma, are those dogs humping? Humping. Hey, you! Stop humping by my fence! You're humping, and everyone can see it! Merry humping, you! Stop humping by my fence! You're humping, and everyone can see it! Merry humping, everybody! Humping, humping, read all about it! It's a Frank Capra film now. I thought I'd reference a different decade.

Oh, sure. Although I really like You there! What day is it? Why, it's Humping Day! We're just going through Christmas movies. You said Christmas and then my mind broke. Oh, sorry. It's Christmas in September now. Yeah. Where in the

world is this airing that they're blocking out the word Christmas? Or extra. Oh, you know. You know exactly where. Yeah. I'm telling you, Canada is not getting along with them right now. If you read the news. Humping.

I'm sorry. No, no, no, no. no no i apologize why this is fun no i think we should be serious this time yeah that's okay what is oh yeah let's can we can we ever no but guys no laughing there's no laughing matter what scares you the most about having a second child? There you go. Oh, God. Well, yeah, because when you're a comedian, as you guys know, it always feels like you have a fledgling career that is hanging precariously off a cliff by one pinky. So is the responsibility of being a double dad, you know, going to be like the nail that just stops me from moving forward in my career?

Is that serious enough? Yeah, that was serious. That was good. What else? When you, as all comedians do, when you consider having another job, what search terms do you put into your job search? Your monster account. Outdoors, no shirt. And what comes up usually?

Gravedigger. Sexy gardener. Yeah. Snowman. Yeah, just hat and scarf. Nothing else. Yeah. No, I don't know um yeah no I don't know no I don't

well yes I would love to do something well I was um talking to Jenny um

Taze yeah last night at a show and uh she is a gardener she's a gardener and I've actually been like that would be

I would give up comedy to be a gardener because to have something a bit, yeah. And I've actually been like, that would be, I would give up comedy to be a gardener. Because to have something a bit more tactile and, you know, you're actually working with Earth, you know, and the planet. Instead of working against it like you are in your comedy. I think we're all, I think most of us, honestly, are clearly working against the planet right now. Yeah. Oh, yeah. And the planet is clearly trying to kill us.

Yeah. So it would be nice to be a nice human where you're like, I made it pretty. Yeah. You know, like I helped. Like I made it. I watched a thing last night about, because now it's harvest time, right? It is?

It's Saskatchewan. Oh. And I was watching. Oh, boy. I guess I bought the wrong almanac. And, yeah, for whatever crop that this family they were showing grows. And it looks so hard. Like it's three of them on the farm and they're like, we work 18 hour days during the harvest.

But this is the best time of year because you get to see what you grew. And I'm like, it sounds really hard. You ever grown anything? No. Even in a pot? No. I mean, mold. Oh, boy.

I showed you those raspberries today. I thought they were shrimp. My wife planted some beautiful flowers on the balcony, like in the pots on the balcony this summer. And I'd, I'd water them a lot, you know, and there's nothing that makes you feel more like,

it's really nice to water flowers. Yeah. Here you go. It's very nice. Do you talk to, you talk a little bit to the plants? Here you go. Here you go.

Humping. What? I'm moving on. But the thing is, I miss the 90s. You know who always sucked? Pearl Jam. That's what I say to the flowers

as I water them. Pearl Jam was the band that all the jocks in my school loved. It's weird. It's like, yeah, Eddie Vedder is a jocks-sensitive man. Oh, there we go. That's what it seems like yeah eddie vetter is a jock a jocks sensitive man oh that's what it seems like right because to us we're like get out of here yeah i need a real

sensitive not saying i'm not saying you guys aren't jocks i don't know but no i believe me i am not i would love to be believe me um and is kurt cobain a different kind of sensitive man yeah sensitive man for everyone else he exuded art like it was I don't know milk coming out of a cereal bowl

off your shirt very well said yeah that was that was the best I could do Kurt would have said something

way more creative and cool. Yeah. He kept diaries. Do you ever keep a diary? Kurt would have been like, I exude art like a baby shooting me in the head. There you go. He was obsessed with like babies being born and like guns. It was crazy.

Yeah. And in the end, he had both. That's true. Yeah both that's true yeah that's true oh what no the you know yes yes we know no you know what i mean that was the gun if you're in seattle i apologize one time I was in I was in Seattle doing a yeah you know to me

okay to be honest the world is too absurd that I don't think I'm sensitive anymore I gotta be honest I've thought about it it's too absurd

that my sensitivity is gone because we joke about everything right so I forget sometimes when I'm hanging around with normal people

that don't rack their brain outside of the whatever and then i say something really crass or dark or something but to me it's all absurd but then they're like jesus christ and then i'm like oh yeah i'm nuts or whatever you know so like if i offended someone with the uh opening chords of teen spirit and then the gunshot sound. I can't help you, man. I'm fucked. Man, this guy is crazy. He's crazy, this guy. I'm wearing my hat backwards,

and I'm going to jump. Cut that out. No, you cut it out. No, never. All right. I guess, yeah. I didn't like Pearl Jam. This is what I'm coming back to you. Mm-hmm Damn it. We really are in this fucking rut. Yeah the 90s god damn, but I want to be there about Drake Okay, we have to say about him not as good as

Pearl Jam Yes Because the thing about Pearl Jam is. No, no, I'm sorry, David. But like I never was a fan. It was my wife, Abby's favorite band when she was a teenager. And I, but then we went to a concert in like our late 20s and they were great. I really like.

You put on a hell of a show. Yeah, it was the kind of band that like you know i heard them on the radio a million times didn't care yeah and then you go see them like oh yeah no i get why you're popular did they play even flow yeah probably that is the one i like sure well i'm glad you what do you want me to say i I'm glad he had a good time Yeah Well I never considered Good lord You want me to picture you Standing there

Watching him Just like wrapped Like oh boy The way he wears A pair of pants He can sing So well too But I did notice

That when I Initially Dissed Pearl Jam, Graham laughed hard and you were a little quiet for a sec. Graham always laughs harder than me. I know, but I noticed something. I get vibes. That's the other thing about living outside the box.

A couple weeks ago, we really went to town on the Smashing Pumpkins. That's true. Oh, yeah. Because they're back. But a lot of people in Toronto loved that concert. It got good reviews. Speaking of... Okay, we won't go back there.

I won't make you out of the 90s. Of the 90s and the Smashing Pumpkins. I was looking at pictures of Billy Corgan when, after he shaved his head and they went kind of like super goth and he was wearing like a cloak. Yeah. A real Uncle Fester vibe. Yeah. Really Uncle Fester. And also very like Nosferatu.

That's what I thought he was going. Like, I actually thought he was going for Nosferatu at that time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And, uh,

you know, that song. Yeah. Adore. Yeah. What does he say? How does that go? We shall never part. yeah what does he say how does that go we shall

never part yeah no we shall never be apart

yeah and then he's yeah but then they all broke up but then they're back together now not Darcy

you guys have already been through this right yeah although we didn't know that at the time oh really I now know that no it's not the same man And they're back together now. Not Darcy. You guys have already been through this, right? Yeah. Although we didn't know that at the time. Oh, really? I now know that. No, it's not the same, man.

Not the same. I watched this week the VMAs, which if you want to feel like, hey, I don't know what the fuck's going on, watch the VMA. It's a light switch that happens one year. You watch the VMAs from time to time and you one year because like you watch the vmas uh from time to time you're like yeah i know a lot of these artists yeah and then one day i don't know any of them there was like a crazy amount that i didn't know and then at the end there was a guy called post malone uh-huh and uh they said post malone is gonna do uh he's gonna do a song and he's really gonna rock out because he had a song called Rockstar. And then I said

to myself out loud, I was like I bet he's joined on stage by Aerosmith. That's exactly what happened. Wow. That is crazy. Isn't that crazy? Did they pierce a cow's udder on stage? No, but Joe Perry wrecked an amp.

Good. What? Yeah. I know, these Perry wrecked an amp. Good. What? Yeah. I know. These guys like man, oh man. I picture him wrecking an amp but still thinking like, okay, here we go. Like, I didn't come for money. I know how much

these things cost. Was he now I'm doing it. Are they in their 70s now? Oh, that's cool. Yeah. But are they still shirtless? Like a lot of, you know, third button. All right.

You know, so not shirtless, but like showing a lot of chest. Okay. Listen to this. Da-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na. Pfft. So is that Steven Tyler shooting somebody else? That's me making it even.

Yeah. That's fan fiction. Do a guitar noise and then a stab noise. Everybody, go around. Okay. Okay. Does it have to be Aerosmith? No, it could be any guitar lick you like.

Oh, yeah, I felt that. That's good. Yeah. Let's keep doing riffs and ways of dying okay now i want to show you guys yeah a game that i do by myself all the time uh i turn very famous riffs uh in popular riffs and make them sound like stingers on a tv sitcom okay do you want to go around try it i'll show you uh yeah you have to start so this is smoke on the water okay i do that all the time i don't know if we can do that.

That's very... Like, listen to this. This is Ghostbusters, okay? Okay. Ghostbusters will be right back. Come on, please try. I'm just trying to think of, like, the famous riffs. Okay.

I've never done that on a podcast. I always do it though. Satisfaction. Yes. You nailed it. Yeah. I feel like it was a little too... What's the Curry soul or whatever?

What? What's the As It Happens theme what's the as it happens theme song oh right yeah um how does how does that go i know it's very similar to satisfaction yeah people are listening to this yeah yeah this is a good one yeah Yeah. Right, guys? Do you have one? I'm trying to think of another famous riff. Yeah. Okay, let's do bass lines and a grenade. I don't want Graham to get away from not doing a riff, turning it into a sting. Yeah, you're really on the hook here.

Yeah, that's true. Don't worry. I will do it at some point. Do you like rock and roll? Yeah. To be honest. Huh? Do you like rock and roll?

I love rock and roll. You guys didn't see it coming? Mm-hmm. Yeah, I was watching, like, an old episode of, well, they're all old episode of Friends and sometimes the interstitial music was like

like punk rock speed music that would show like the city oh all those friends were cool yeah that's true

who's the coolest friend oh boy I hated that show I thought every character was great in. Yeah. And then the media would always be like,

this one is so pretty, and I didn't care. Right. It was like, I felt like that show, because I was a teenager, we're in the 90s again. Yeah, I saw it coming. But I felt like that show was inflicted on me yeah you know what I'm saying

like people were making me making that a part of my life I felt that about certain things but but that I enjoyed yeah

oh yeah friends yeah I know I have a lot of friends friends oh boy those dogs are

friendsing. Grandma, those dogs are Chandler. Could I be any more friends? Dave, what's going on with you? Oh my god, we haven't even gone around? No. What do you mean? We haven't even gone around no what do you mean we haven't even learned a thing about you we did too we learned a ghost we learned that he's a ghost yeah i'm a

rich ghost what you can take it with you um i uh here's what's going on with me very little is going on with me uh in like the thing that has been the the like not it hasn't been bothering me but it's been like a concern of mine the whole week is uh we didn't eat so many bananas before we had kids you mean we as a species no as a family okay like abby and i would buy you know a thing of you go to the grocery store and they're all in like, you know, a clump of a bunch of six or seven bananas. Yeah, yeah. And you pull off three because you only want four.

Yeah. And so, but now it's like they don't even ripen before we're done with them. Because the kids eat so much banana? The kids, it's so easy to feed it to a kid. Yeah. They have no, they don't fight it, unlike every other food.

Right. Because it's already kind of eaten. Like, when you, like, it's just like ready to go. We'll cut one in half, give it to the baby,

she'll walk around with it, and then we presume she's finished eating it because it's gone. But we're always a little worried that like it's under the gone. But we're always a little worried that, like, it's under the couch. But this week, Abby bought the greenest bananas I've ever seen in my life. Like, right off the tree. Oh, yeah.

And so, you know, we've tried the thing where you put the bananas in a uh paper bag oh i've never heard of and apparently they ripen faster okay or you leave them out in the sun but even then it's like days and days wow and so we had we've been like debating like do we get should we get to buy some a smaller bunch of interim bananas the uh one time i bought a bunch of bananas that were very green and they like never they never ripened like the green just it always stayed green and they rotted they run yeah that honestly makes me sad yeah because i know that those bananas know that that happened to them yeah yeah yeah right they're sitting there being like i don't think i got to do the whole thing yeah they're like they're like i grew on a tree i got taken down i got

chipped somewhere yeah and now i'm not i carried a deadly spider in me yeah i'm not doing the final leg of the journey maybe that's what it was maybe it was the spider like so many of bananas don't get eaten like oh yeah i had i abby will take the ones that go brown or go black or whatever and put them in the freezer to make banana bread that then we don't eat. I know what you mean with already one child and a wife. Because I do that. I'll be like, I'm buying a bunch of bananas because I'm going to be the smoothie guy in the morning. And then I put the bunch of bananas in a basket or whatever. And then the next morning I wake wake up the bananas are already gone and i'm like i guess i eat bacon and eggs again i'm never gonna get healthy it's like yeah no it is and like last a couple months

ago we had um abby's aunt sheila and her swedish family staying with us and they ate so many really they were like didn't they not are they rare i don't know but it was it was just like we went through them every two days we bought more bananas and they would buy bananas and bring them and like there was just a constant banana so they were like sweet the there was a weird time when we had sweets here because they ate all the bananas. Her son wanted to play with my ukulele and their hair is so yellow. It was like we had the Minions. I just buy like, as a single guy, just buy one banana at a time.

I live from banana to banana. There was a thing on the internet a few months ago, or maybe years one banana at a time. Yeah. I live from banana to banana. There was a thing on the internet a few months ago, or maybe years. I don't know. Yeah. Maybe I blinked in a year where I'm by. But it was a chart of different green and yellow and brownness of banana. And from one to 10, like pick what's your optimum banana wait where is this at the doctor's office it was when i logged onto the internet one time

um and it was uh like what's your what's your preferred banana describe your your favorite oh god and it doesn't does it tell you what they know about you? No, no. It was just like some people want them completely green. Some people want them completely black. Really? I'd rather have them completely black than completely green, though. Well, black, they're great, actually, for smoothies at that point.

The more rotten they get, the more they taste like artificial banana. That is true. That's true of every fruit. Because maybe they've been saturated within their own sweetness for so long. Their sugars are just like rocking out. Yeah. But if it's too green,

I find it sticks to your teeth. It's a film that's left on your teeth. Yeah, it feels like you're eating a plant. You guys should live in an island hut that's left on your teeth. Yeah, it feels like you're eating a plant. You guys should live in an island hut that's elevated on sticks posts and then there's bunches of bananas that grow by your window. Just reach out

and grab one. And then your children would turn into monkeys and they'd literally climb all over the banana tree. That'd be pretty fun. It's fine. It'd make some great videos great youtube videos my monkey children yeah everyone gets anyway click like don't forget to subscribe we quit our job to do this guys help us out

how many bananas do you think we can eat leave your guess in the comments have you seen that family that like are like they used to to be newscasters or something, but now they just make rap videos with their children? I saw one of them. They did a Thanksgiving or Christmas. Well, they have a million, and they're mind-bending. They're really uncomfortable, but they're really popular. What's uncomfortable about them?

Come on. I haven't seen them. They're sincerely trying to be cute rapper like a cute rapping family oh boy it's really corny and it's clear that the father is in charge of the whole operation why can't they like but that's what i'm saying so i never thought about that aspect but they're like we gave up our careers to do this and they are popular on YouTube. I forget what they're called, but Kathleen said the other day and she nailed it.

It's like, I got to know what happened to this guy at the news, in the newsroom. Like something, figure something went down. Yeah. Like he was,

he was probably using equipment to make his YouTube videos. Probably what it was. Yeah, I don't want to be too cynical. Yeah, I shouldn't be so cynical. You think that it was some sort of like sex thing that he had't want to be too cynical yeah I shouldn't be so cynical you think that it was

some sort of like sex thing that he had what yeah probably I think he's demented as hell you gotta watch these videos he went honk honk

and then someone was like get out of here and then he was like well I'm a rapper now so are you children he woke them up in the middle of the night we're a rapping family now

yeah now what you hear is not a test i love my dad have you you've seen this i've seen one or two or two of them okay you got it it's ugly they're great but do you feel how i feel i would say uh on a long enough timeline i never feel how you feel i know i said a million things at once this black tea you gave me has made me hyper but do you get like it is uncomfortable right um yeah no it's it's like i wouldn't if if his day job is he's like a newscast i would not quit your day job right yeah yeah yeah but also you like them yeah no i like them i liked well i saw them live and that really changed my mind

about them but if you were a newscaster and also doing rapping family and like at night you're like and the fire damaged the whole house and the family is going to be homeless tonight. Anyways, I'm going to go off to my rapping gig. Which is the news director take you aside and be like, hey, you need to be not this. Yeah, can you, like, not be a rapping family? I can't. Because everything you report on, people are just thinking about you and your rapping family. So maybe that was it. Maybe that was like, you got to choose one or the other. Because everything you report on, people are just thinking about you and your rapping family. Yeah. So maybe that was it.

Maybe that was like, you got to choose one or the other. And he was like, well, I know which one's going to have the biggest growth. I know which one. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to.

I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to.

I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to.

I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to.

I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to.

I'm going to. I'm going to. I'm going to. Yeah. Are there a lot of families like that on YouTube? Yeah. Yeah. Like, that are like, we're going to be a kooky.

One thing that weirds me out is because all this, like, Marvel and DC superhero stuff is so popular, people will make videos where they dress their kids up in those costumes and make them, like, act out a play of being the superheroes. And then they get, like, tons and tons of views from kids yeah like just looking for superhero stuff yeah so it's like they're manipulating their children right to be to have be a popular youtube channel it's an ugly ass fucking world man yeah that's weird it's but it like that's not even on the dark web yeah yeah that's like regular normal web that's not even on the dark web. Yeah, yeah. That's like regular internet. That's on the normal web. That's not even controversial.

Like, there was a guy who was kicked off YouTube for abusing his kids. Really? Yeah, what was his name? What did he do? Yeah, because he did a prank. He kept pranking the kid or something. Yeah, it was really mean. Yeah, he was overly mean, and he was pranking his own kid.

Which, you should leave that to the school bullies. That's who does it best. To the Pearl Jam fans at school. But also stop bullying. Yeah. Stop bullying. I don't know if the jocks in my school liked a particular kind of music, but when I got to college, all the rugby players were dave matthews

band fans yeah yeah yeah yeah dave matthews band yeah i don't know 90s band i uh i don't know why all the jocks like world jam they just maybe it was like maybe it was yeah like sensitive but not too sensitive uh-huh and it was it was rock and roll-y. They were a rock and roll band. They had all the instruments. A lot of jockey kind of guys like those sort of acoustic, wearing a hookah shell necklace by the beach kind of music. You're talking about Jack Johnson?

Yeah. I can't get into it. It's weird. Oh, I can get into it. Yeah, I, yeah. Yeah. It's that stuff. I can't get into it. It's weird. Oh, I can get into it. Yeah. I do another, I do a separate Jack Johnson podcast.

Yeah. It's called banana pancakes. It's called getting bananas with Jack. Actually, this week's banana topic that I brought, uh, it's, it's crossover week.

Um, uh, yeah. Bananas, not my favorite fruit, but the fruit i eat the most yeah yeah there what is your favorite fruit because i love fruit um you know what i would have said cherries until this year when we bought a bunch of cherries and i haven't eaten a single one huh but probably mango like the as in terms of just like the flavor I like the most. Yeah, and it's a flavor explosion.

But I like, I'll buy three a year. Yeah. You like pineapple? Yeah. Yeah, I really like pineapple. Blueberries. Blueberries. I like tropical fruits.

Yeah. Big on blueberries. Love raspberries. Too expensive though. Yeah. You know? $3.99 a box. Yeah, what am I? A clamshell. Yeah. You can't take it with you. Yeah. Yeah. You know? $3.99 a box. Yeah, what am I? A clamshell.

Yeah. You can't take it with you. Yeah. Yeah. Put raspberries on your eyes when you die. That'd be funny if Casper was about a little child ghost begging for blueberries by a graveyard. That would be funny. Graham, what's up with you?

Well, he said you can't take it with you. That was already a callback to that era. I know. We're on a different page today. No, we are. We are kicking it on all cylinders. I'm hyper and you're mad. Chris, I love you.

Get back here. You just started leaving after that. Chris, I love you. Get back here. You just started leaving after that. Chris, I love you. Graham, take the wheel. Because I love you, I have to say goodbye. So it's been like apocalyptic here in Vancouver. It's smoke and like the sun's been like red. Yeah. And I was downtown and the sun's been red. And I was downtown.

So it's smoky. This has happened the last two or three years of just the forest fires throughout the province. Blowing all their smoke our way. And it's just become this like you know that

one panel cartoon of the dog drinking coffee and it's fire everywhere. And he's saying, this is fine. That's what it feels like when people are just out walking their dogs and sitting at cafes and stuff, having coffee. I'm just like, this is what that is. Everything's on fire and people are like, well, let's just go about my business. Just the few days I've been here, you say to anybody anybody like the planet's trying to kill us right everybody's like yes yeah yeah yeah it's so obvious now and i was on granville street uh and there was a big lineup outside of a place called venue uh of juggalos because the insane clown posse was uh performing oh my yeah yeah yeah so juggalos

like anything else to like is there ever like uh oh the juggalos are all going to go see dmx oh yeah maybe i feel like they would all go see like a rob zombie movie okay you know what i mean something like that i feel like they'd take a you, they'd probably like take a trip to like a pop factory. See how pop is made. Yeah, they just want to go. They just really, really love that Mr. Rogers where he goes to the Faygo factory. So they go on a bus together. Want to hear my impression of Mr. Rogers?

Wear my shoes. All right. Sorry, Graham. Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. So I've, you know, we all know of Juggalos, but I don't think I've never been in the presence of. And they were wearing face paint, and it felt very like Mad Max. It was just like brown sky, guys in like skull clown face paint. And they would like, if one of them walked by the line and like, went like, then they all would hoot.

Oh boy. In unison. That's their thing. Their call and response is like one guy would go hoot hoot. And then the, uh, everybody else would go hoot hoot. And it was like everybody joined in they did it every couple of minutes and i stood there watching them for as long as i could before uh it became obvious that that's what i was doing

i want to be the thousandth person to make a documentary about you you know what man honestly yeah um i think like average sensitive people are are dead soon we're dead all these weirdo clans and there you're right it is mag maxing it a bit yeah it did feel very much like the strong and united are gonna call the week yeah we're toast yeah i think uh i'll make a good, I think my torso will make a good ornament on some car. But

yeah, it's going to be people who are like I'm a ride or die insane clown bossy for life. And then on our side it's like, oh oh we can't agree about which Wes Anderson movies we like

I think the animated dog one was a little racist I don't like anything after the tenenbaum yeah but uh look what I scored

some sensitive meat yeah these guys were just standing there talking and i clonked their heads together um so yeah it was very uh it was very bizarre kind of feel to the whole thing and then across the street is the commodore and they had a lineup for a different concert. And so, like, you could tell that this was an insane clown posse concert by the lineup. And then I was trying to guess what the, based on the lineup, what they were wearing. And it was split down the middle.

It was people who were very, like, in very, very hippie-ish clothes. Uh-huh. Or old guys wearing kind of basically like what you'd wear to a jimmy buffett concert and i was like who who covers those two circles and plays the commodore yeah so like not a giant not it's not fish no it wasn't fish and it wasn't jimmy buffett that was my that was my outside guess it was like but j but Jimmy Buffett would be playing like a stadium. Yeah. Or something.

Yeah. Oh boy. Do you mean like who's in the center of that Venn diagram between the two groups? Yeah. But would play a thousand seat venue or whatever. I think it's probably the kind woman that drove them to the concert. Either a wife or a mom or something. It was michael frenty oh spearhead yeah yeah yeah oh that's different than what i was expecting it's uh as soon as the guy said it was like oh yeah

yeah yeah this makes sense but uh yeah i didn't know like i was like what was what would be like a local jimmy buffett what would be a smaller version version of Jimmy Buffett. Is he from here? No. Oh. No. But. Where is he from? I don't know.

But he's not. He's just like, if you got a yoga festival, he'll play it. Oh, so he's like, he's got his market. Yeah. It's like a hippie market. Yeah. But it was like hippies and then also like dads wearing Hawaiian hawaiian shirts yeah and bowling shirts not bowling shirts like straight up hawaiian yeah like floral pattern kind of shirts uh anyway so you know the apocalypse well on its way uh

oh and they were drinking they were drinking fago uh how do you get it around here i don't know i don't know where they got it but they were all maybe that uh yeah there's a few places that have like american pop yeah get cheer wine yeah and you know what the uh insane clown posse line right down the middle split men and women it wasn't i i would have assumed it would have been all dudes nope split down the middle so i remember i was once having uh lunch with some friends and and we had seen a poster or yeah for insane clown posse yeah and we were like goofing on it and the waitress you know we were being friendly with the waitress and we said what do you think about this and she was totally kate like did not find it funny at all oh wow no you

know people just like what they like and i felt like oh yeah of course right yeah who am i yeah i hate it when that happens like most like 23 hours a day i'm very tolerant of people's artistic choices but just let me have one hour a day to make fun of him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And yeah, so that's me, man. Do we want to move on to a little bit of business? I was a mess. You guys were very thorough, succinct. That was beautiful. Yours was like a genuine short tale.

Thank you. And yours was like an important piece about the planet and being a family man. Yeah. What did I sound like? I sounded like a train wreck. I think I can't do the rest of this episode. I'm like ashamed. I think my black tea buzz is worn off and I'm ashamed of myself. Yeah.

I came on blowing like a train whistle. Look out. And then you guys were like, here's how you do it. Yeah, I would like to move on to business. Yep. Welcome to business. Sit down. Yeah, sit down.

We have some things to discuss with you. First and foremost, we have a Jumbotron. Bonk. A Jumbotron. Bonk. Now, this has been sent by... I don't know who this has been sent by. Well, let's find out together. It says, hey, everyone.

Long time MaxFun listener supporter here. And I am reaching out on the network to try to grow my channel a little. It's a YouTube channel. Ah, okay. I do funny vlogs, meme comp reactions, and video games. Lots of VR at the moment. Recently got a green screen and other equipment, so quality is pretty good. I would love it if you stopped by and checked it out.

Have a great day, and thanks for listening, and thanks to us for reading. Now this one... Yeah, you gotta visit youtube.com slash halfpinttelevision. That's youtube.com slash halfpinttelevision. I never buy ice cream in any other form. Halfpint. That's a very small ice cream. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's how I do. Yeah, well. Sounds like there's a pretty good green screen going on here. I'm excited to see it. This week, we're also supported by the recruit. Yep. Zip Recruiter. Recruiter.

Now, if you're a business, and we're talking business right now. Yeah, that's what it's all about. Sit down. Sit down. If you need to hire somebody, boy, that's a mess. That's a disaster for you as a company. You were hoping you'd just start a company. People would be there that knew what to do.

Yeah. And they were the right people. Yeah. And that's just not how it works in the business world. You got to go out, find the right people. You got to go out and you got to bring a bag of, you know, stuff to lure people. Yeah, goodies, treats.

Yeah. Yeah. Insurance. Incentives. Exactly. That's next week's guest. Don't tip off who he is. Yeah.

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ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Well, let's move on to some overheards. Listen, we already know that you love genre movies, film craft, and female filmmakers. So, if you love all those things, then by transitive property, you love my podcast, Switchblade Sisters. Hi, I'm film critic April Wolfe. Every week, I have a conversation with a different female filmmaker about their favorite genre film. Each episode covers the filmmaking process, working in the film industry, and just, like, general geeking out about awesome movies.

I've had such great guests like the big sick writer Emily Gordon. To me, indie movies as of late have come to be a catch-all term for a movie that kind of defies genre. Billy Madison and Half-Baked director

Tamara Davis. When a comedian comes and enters onto my set, they're just there to be funny and we're all ready and waiting for them to be funny.

Horror industry veteran and actor Barbara Crampton. That's where real drama lies for me. What's between you and I speaking right now? Where are we meeting? And what's the energy that we create between us?

And so many others. So check out Switchblade Sisters every Thursday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment where we're going to hear things, oh boy, oh boy. And then, you know what? We share them.

You don't just give them to yourself. You hear them, they sit in your brain for a while, you let them bake until they're perfect, and then boom, out the mouth they come. We always like to start with the guest. Chris, would you? Out the mouth they come. Here it comes. I was like walking by the art gallery today and then, you know that strip there, they have food trucks?

Yeah. I don't know what the food truck was, but a man was being handed his food and I'm pretty sure I heard him go, so do I sell you something now? Now that's a tourist. He's never even been around a truck. I swear I heard him saying that. I love that. It doesn't make, like, I don't know.

Now I sell you? How does this transaction work? Do you want to buy this again? Do you want to buy this souvlaki bag from me? I swear, you know, I was walking by, I don't know. That could be my own brain that fandangled it, but it sounded like that and it was weird.

Did you hit any of the food trucks? Did I hit any of them? Did you eat any of them? Yeah, did you hit any of them? Did you hit any food trucks in town? No, to be honest, I actually have another one. I was standing in A&W. Boy, this guy just will not talk about food trucks. No, because I didn't.

That's not interesting. I didn't go to one. Okay, fair enough. And to be honest, I feel shame about that. I want to support the food on wheels. Foods that come from cars. That's fine. They're pretty busy i think

yeah yeah don't worry they're fine they lose a lot of money buying stuff from their customers though you know what i'm gonna start a uh food 2007 nissan sentra and what do you do i sell you something now that I'm just leaning out my own window is it hollowed out or like is it just got all the seats in it

it's totally like my daughter's still in her baby seat you have a George Foreman grill plugged into the lighter to get the food

I have to do that you know when you reach around here you go sir you know here you go sir here know here you go sir here's your granola bar

that's been opened by my daughter here's your Tupperware full of Cheerios I will have the Tupperware full of Cheerios

it's a pouch full of applesauce I start driving away and then the customer is like wait I haven't paid you yet and I'm like

oh yeah! Oh my god! That's amazing! Yeah, yeah, yeah! Give me the money! For those my daughter's Cheerios! Oh boy. You were an A&W. And then this guy came over. Which by the way

stands for Ambogers and Whoopie. Is that a that's so good aww that's what I thought it was yeah I wasn't

buying food there guys but the thing is this person came out of the bathroom and said to their friend I just had massive diarrhea

I was like check please no Hamlet he's I just had massive diarrhea. I was like, check, please. Oh, that's what he's... And then the waiter at A&W came up. Yes, sir. Was everything to your liking? Yeah. Was the mug frosty? Was the diarrhea massive?

Can you smell that customer? Good Lord. Granville is quite the strip there. Oh, yeah. I like the strip you got there, bud. Yeah. I love this town. Those are mine, and they're true, and they happen to actually both today.

Awesome. Great. Dave, do you got one? The other day, we were watching, I don't know, it was like My Little Pony or something. I guess we weren't watching it. But I did notice it was like a Christmas episode of a thing. Yeah. And then when it was over, Margo turned to me and she asked, this isn't it, but she asked,

oh, dad, can we watch The Green Grump? Which is what she thinks the Grinch is called. The Green Grump. And I was like, no, we're not going to watch a Christmas thing right now. But then I went on to like, I went to iTunes. I was like, I wonder if Christmas stuff is cheap in the summer. I wonder if I can buy a bunch of cheap Christmas stuff. No. No.

No. But while I was searching for the Grinch, there was a, like a romance novel that's for sale. Yeah. And it's called Grinch Reaper. Oh, wow. It's part of the Sleeper Seals,

Navy Seals romance novel collection. And here's the description of Grinch Reaper. It's part of the Sleeper Seals Navy Seals romance novel collection. And here's the description of Grinch Reaper. The only thing Matteo Reaper Santorelli hates more than Christmas is having to leave the teams to take over his family's chains of pizza restaurants after his father suffers a stroke. So when the sleeper SEALs team he joined upon discharge tasks him with a local mission, he's happy to toss the dough aside to track down and interrogate the leader of the cell to gather intel on threats to Atlantic City. Wow.

That's like a Mad Libs. Yeah, I literally didn't follow that. I couldn't. So it was a guy who's a Navy SEAL who has to leave his post to help his dad's chain of pizza restaurants because his dad had a stroke. But then he has to leave the pizza restaurants because while

he was leaving the Navy SEALs he got an out-the-door mission. He got an out-the-door mission with his new team of SEALs. Actual SEALs. Arf, arf. Dad, are you okay? I gotta go.

But it's Christmas time. We need our Christmas pizza. So overheards can be like silly, stupid comments online? Yeah. Oh, God. I wish I knew. There's so many good Amazon ones. Oh, yeah, that's true.

Amazon, every single thing has a review of like my husband said it was fine you know what i mean yeah like so this is a weird amazon review of a blowjob yeah my husband wanted this it's fine i'm just trying to picture what the product is where she bought it for him. And then she's like, I should leave a review. Yeah, I know.

Like begrudgingly, both tasks. I think it's, I think it's because Amazon will email you a couple of days later and be like, what'd you think of this? And most, most people are like, I'm not helping you.

But some people are naive enough to be like, Oh, I owe this to Amazon. Yeah, yeah. It was fine. It was waiting for me. My overheard is, and an overseen, I witnessed a citizen's arrest.

I've never seen one of these before. No. Outside of a movie or TV show. I'm picturing juggalos. Juggalos were in the background, but this guy was not a juggalo. And I think from what I could piece together, I think he ran out

on a bar tab, and I think it was the bartender, and he had him in like an arm lock. And as I walked by, like I stood there and watched when the cops came up, it was great, but the guy was giving him a lecture, which would be the worst part. The bartender was?

Yeah. And he was saying, and this is how it goes. You break the law, you got to serve the time, man. That's what justice is. Whoa. So he was like, this guy got caught. Yeah. And also he had to listen to a lecture about justice.

The weird thing is like bartenders, I think, have a lower minimum wage because they get tips. So it's like not worth it for the bartender to go after this guy because he's not getting a tip. And he was wearing like really like a nice outfit. And that's why I figured that he was like not something that you would do he was a mixologist yeah he was a mixologist absolutely he was he had a nice hat on and like nice press shirt not something you would go apprehend in uh-huh but this guy was on it maybe it was his bar yeah it's possible right that's what you get yeah it's called justice yeah guys like oh i'm not i'm not gonna break the law anymore i don't want to hear another lecture yeah what is justice

it's a human uh made concept and uh some people say it's our greatest achievement uh but yeah and like this guy totally wasn guy totally wasn't fighting it. He knew that he'd been... Yeah, he was too drunk to run away. He probably drank one of those shareable bowl things all to himself. Picture that bartender visiting him in jail

and reading The Republic by Plato. I wasn't done. See how tricky it is but to understand this I have to read you the cave or whatever you have a visitor oh boy he's still wearing the hat

because it's not a shadow it's a real person now we also have overheards that have been sent in by people from all over the map if you want to send one in you can send it in

to spy at maximumfun.org and this first one comes from Dan B in the UK just general UK okay picture a place in the UK. Just general UK. Okay.

Picture a place in the UK. Oh, boy. Stonehenge. Yeah. I'm picturing where they do the Great British Bake Off. That field. That field with the tent. Yeah.

I'm picturing a dragon. Yeah. These are all British. Yeah. My wife overheard while working at the local hospital a man talking to a lady about the lunar eclipse she didn't know what he was talking about and anyways he explained what was going on and what was going to happen and she interjected with oh no i would never want to see something like that i never look up at the sky really he replied why not aliens she said i might see aliens i'm frightened i'm frightened now just

saying so she's so afraid of aliens she never looks up at the sky i need to talk to her yeah she's in the uk i'm going to the uk to help this lady probably stonehenge what would you say to her what would be your advice uh look up in the sky give me a break yeah give me a break what do you think you're gonna find up there like you think aliens are imminent yeah like they're right there now like there's a like a whole slew like a of ships ready to attack but they're not firing yet because she hasn't looked like i see your eyes yeah i mean talk about narcissistic yeah i'm helping the planet by not looking at this uh the smoke and the like red orange sun yeah i uh still if you look up at the sun you can't you can't look up for more than like a second no yeah it still hurts. Yeah.

Believe me, I've tried to take pictures of it. It doesn't look very good on camera. I know, I tried to. Yeah. Yeah, sorry it's so smoky here. I know, I haven't seen the mountains. No, I know. It's crazy. We just hope they're still there when the smoke clears.

They never have moved before, but knock on wood. They just get burned down to ash and blow away. Well, they are paper mountains. That's our filthy secret. That's why it crumples when you ski. This one comes from Nick

in Pittsburgh, Pennsylvania. I was at a roundabout brewery in Pittsburgh and Love Song by The Cure was playing. Halfway through the song, a man and a woman at the neighboring table both raised their phones in the air, trying to identify the song using music recognition apps. After several seconds, the man staring at his phone still raised in the air said yep i was right wonderwall and then they left with no further discussion so what i don't know what that song is love song but does it have a wonderwall feel to it i keep thinking of love cats oh that's probably here too i think it's the one that goes, Whenever I'm alone, you make me feel like...

Is that it? Yeah. I like the cure. I would know that that's not Wonderwall. You should release your own music recognition app. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, well, mine would just be Wonderwall and not Wonderwall.

That's easy. That's actually a really fun app no have you uh have you seen the game show the beat shazam yeah it's uh it's uh it's not much of a game show but uh jamie foxx and it has his daughter on it as the dj uh oh really yeah it's very it like it couldn't be more like well i'll do this show but my daughter yeah and she keeps calling him dad like they don't even hold up the pretense that they're just co-workers like thanks dad after yeah well remember Yeah. Well, remember. The world is crumbling. Sometimes on Jeopardy, Alex Trebek will be like,

we actually checked with the judges. Isn't that right, honey? It's his daughter? It's his daughter. And she's like, yeah, no, it was the Greco-Roman wrestling. Not sumo. Not sumo. Imagine her meeting her friends at a pub one evening

after university. She's like, guess what? I got a job on Jeopardy. And they're like, oh yeah. I mean, that part, it was all fake.

I made up everything. But Jamie Foxx's daughter did that. I literally believe you. I don't watch Jeopardy. I know, but like, I was just saying any game show host could have their daughter in them. That's true.

Who wouldn't really? Here's, yeah, who is not Alex Trebek's daughter? That's all I know. That's good. That's pretty good. Guys, can I just do sounds for the rest of this one

yeah i feel like a sound guy today ask me to do any sound what is okay oh yeah i like i like uh throwing out scenarios for i'm talking like shit let me just do sounds let's say um because you i remember before you did uh who's the actor in Venom? Oh, yeah. Tom Hardy. Tom Hardy. It was Tom Hardy being hit by a piece of glass or something.

What was that? How'd it go? I think it was like. Oh, no. It was like. Yeah. And then it was like. Oh. Yeah.

Yeah. Well, you already have that on. Yeah, we already have that. That's a classic. What's a good. That's a classic. What about the, like a bell to change classes your your uh decision what type of bell it is oh it's hard for my voice to go high okay uh but it's like but that's that'll make it funnier

maybe it goes like this Maybe. It goes like this. What happened at the end? The bell was like self-conscious about being cool. Am I holding up you reading another one? No, no, no. No, this is the overheards are just to stimulate the conversation. I'm stimulated.

Did your high school have morning announcements? Or like to student announcements uh yeah yeah yeah yeah i thought that was cool well i think my i think it was like more like my junior middle school i can't remember in high school over the but i was like really bad in high school i probably wasn't there on time yeah yeah we always you're always late or skipping class i was a bad kid i. I was always late. And then later I'd skip. Nice. Like, like I'd skip later in the day.

What would you, I basically showed up to school starving and tired, then ate pizza at lunch. And then in the afternoon I'd go smoke weed in the trees. We had like a little tiny forest across the street. Yeah. Yeah. That was just about to ask,

where did you go when you skipped? Into the forest. Into the forest. Yeah. Yeah. I was just about to ask, where did you go when you skipped? Into the forest. Into the forest. Yeah. But it was like, we called it the forest, but it was in Toronto. So it was like a block that wasn't developed yet. You know what I mean? Yeah.

There were like some trees, enough that you could hide in there, but that anybody driving by would be like, look at those teens feet. Yeah. Yeah. And that cloud of smoke coming out. Yeah. The trees grew like five feet off the grass it's like you can see our feet underneath the trees it was actually just a giant costume one giant teen war we'd be like get under my coat and it was like that's pretty

good yeah it was pretty yeah um it was a place to be you know yeah uh this last one comes from joe from pennsylvania i've been working at a mcdonald's and the other day one of my co-workers was going around with a cup of some anonymous liquid trying to get someone to drink it name that liquid oh god after being turned down by most of the crew i hear him call across the kitchen hey christian you're a dumbass, right? To which I hear Christian call back, Yeah? Why? I love that. Yeah, so, you know, Christian's totally going to drink.

What are you, you know, it could be like a swamp mix with a little bit of coffee. I'm hoping it's just like lemonade. Yeah, like that's not something that's on the McDonald. I'm hoping it's just like lemonade. Yeah. Like that's not something that's on the McDonald's menu. But it's also, it just looks like cloudy water. One time when I was a kid, me and my friend were playing with GI Joes, and this one tank we had had batteries in the bottom, but it wasn't working anymore.

So we go to take out the battery. I got batteries in my bottom. And. Well, show it to us give me a minute the thing is the battery was leaking that acid it leaks when it's old but we both licked it and it burned my tongue

yeah I licked the battery because I was sure it was caramel. Yeah. I was like, I thought grape juice, but I like caramel better. Yeah, because it was this kind of weird orangey. I was like, well, I'll never know. It was purple, apparently. That's a dumb kid's thing to do, though, to be like, food got into this battery that's broken.

Yeah. to do though to be like food got into this battery that's broken yeah well like the fact that like windex looks it's so delicious it's so delicious and the fact that they had to come up with mr yuck stickers for for all of those all those yeah household cleaners because i have a cleaner at home that looks like a lemon lime. Like delicious. Well, it's got LeBron Sprite mix. But it's just his cleaner mix. This is what LeBron uses to clean

the backboards. And you know what he uses to wipe up? LeBron-y. Okay. Yeah, thanks. In addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-877-425-8282 okay 1-877-7500 1-877 right 844 no oh yeah sorry 1-877, right? 844. No. Oh, yeah. Sorry.

1-844. I was worried that if I stopped consulting my phone, I might accidentally really remember the number. It's not happening. 1-844-779-7631. There you go. Or 1. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hi, David Graham and possible guests.

This is Kristen and I'm calling from Pickering, Ontario. I have a second hand overheard from a server at my work. So the server had a table about to take an order. There was a mom, dad, and five-year-old. The five-year-old got up and whispered into his mom's ear, and the mother loudly exclaimed, No, you may not have a sangria.

See, it's another one of those delicious fluids. Yeah. A kid would hate sangria. I don't know, man. You think? It's got so many chunks in it. That's true. It's like, I guess it's just kind of like a fruity punch, but it's really so many chunks in it that's true it's like i guess it's just kind of like a fruity like a fruity punch but it's really like wine it's wine and and fruit juice and

wine and fruit juice yeah yeah and then chunks of things yeah too much sugar yeah that's probably why they said that yeah like but the kid like ah just, they want whatever you're having. Oh, I know. Yeah. Yeah. Have you, do you ever, like, let your daughter just sample something so that she knows that it's not good? That was my dad's approach. Yeah, I gave her some stage time on my show. She was like, oh, I see.

I get it. As a joke, I will offer Margo a beer. Yeah. And she'll say, oh, I see. I get it. As a joke, I will offer Margo a beer. Yeah. And she'll say, no. No. I think she smelled it.

Yeah. Well, actually, I think like, it's funny because Amy definitely is, uh, always aware that I'm adding hot sauce to my food. Hmm.

And then she was like, I know, I'll be like, do you want some? But she's already trained. Like, she knows, she's like, no, it's too spicy for me. So she's still at the point where she was like and i'll be like do you want some but she's already trained like she knows she's like no it's too spicy for me yeah so she's still at the point where she's like saying what we have already told her yeah yeah yeah it'll be interesting when she tries it yeah yeah margo i wouldn't give it to her at this age anyways even if she said yeah margo's had food that isn't spicy

but she thinks it's like that's what we mean by spicy and also she well now she can get an s and a p out at the same time it used to be feisty it's too feisty all right next phone call that was cute hey dave graham and guess this is olivia calling from victoria, calling with an overseen. I was just out for lunch, and I went to a Subway, and I turned to go fill up my drink at the drink fountain, and above it I see a sign that says, Be a Subway beverage artist. And let me just follow that by saying that I'm an art teacher and I don't even

feel comfortable calling myself an artist. Well, that's because you're not mixing your pops together. Is that what Subway's saying? Like, now it's your chance. Yeah, you let the sandwich artist do their work. Yeah, now it's your

chance to mix a 7-Up with a cherry Dr. Pepper. Yeah. I mean, I do it. It's fun. It is the most fun way to drink soda out of a giant computer thing. Right? Where you get to mix. Yeah.

Yeah. Get to press a screen. Did you prefer it to the old-timey way of just, like, going to six different? Yeah. I mean. I absolutely prefer the new way. Yeah. The old-timey way will always have a place in my heart.

But I'm ready for this. I'm very ready for this. Oh, that weird, like, glowing screen that you have to select buttons? That's, yeah. And then, like, when you do select one the machine goes you are an artist then princey had a little diploma yeah shit picasso yeah what did picasso over mixology oh yeah what did picasso mix yeah what paints yeah that's true yeah mediums okay fine all right here's your final overheard hi dave graham impossible guest this is stewart from florida with an overheard i'm currently

traveling in portland oregon and last night while waiting for food a pair of women walked past me and i've overheard one of them say, so, against my better judgment, I said, why don't you lay off the meth? Why do you lay off the meth? Yeah. Yeah. Because maybe, you know, that meth person was being very industrious.

Yeah. Yeah, so against my better judgment, I shot myself in the foot. I said, lay off the meth. And now we have one less meth genius. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know what? To everybody out there, lay off the meth. Yeah. I know you don't want to hear it.

Yeah. And I don't want to be the one to say it, you know? Because like, who am I now? Now I'm my dad. Yeah. My dad. Do you like meth? Just keep doing it. Yeah, I guess so.

Yeah, I guess. Don't let it... Do it in, you know, like... In the buddy system. In the gutter. In the buddy system. Do it in the buddy system. Absolutely do it in the buddy system.

And do it in the gutter. Yeah. I was going to say do it in moderation, but... Every meth head that does it with a buddy loses their... Like it does a buddy system, the gutter. Yeah. I was going to say do it in moderation, but, you know. Every meth head that does it with a buddy loses their, like it does a buddy system, loses their buddy. Yeah. To meth or just to like a blow up? Uh, just

like because their mind is gone. And then their buddy, they walk in different directions? Yeah. One towards the meth town and the other one towards a better life. Well, that's good Yeah Yeah

You don't know Who's who though Until you take that road Yeah that's I mean the buddy system Works in that way In that it You know

Cuts down on the Drug population If you guys Found yourself in Meth town Would you When in Rome it Yeah of course

Yeah sure I'm on holiday Aren't I Yeah Okay I'm not holiday, aren't I? Yeah. Okay. I'm not here anyways. I'll do this and then I'll rent a boat. Like, you know, like some other tourist thing.

Yeah. Yeah, do some get on a Segway, go on a Segway tour. Go on a big duck boat. The Segway just rolls over tons of sleeping bodies on the ground. Oh boy. Well, we went down some weird corridors here today.

Chris, do you have things that you would like to plug? If you're in the eastern version of Canada, in November, Sarah Hennessy, Tom Henry, and I are doing another one of our autumn jaunt tours and it's a bit more ambitious. It's a 10 day tour this time. So look out for that. Uh, otherwise,

um, follow me on Instagram. You'll probably see a baby in my hands. Yeah. Yeah. Real soon. Also in October, I'll be in Winnipeg doing that thing That I think you're gonna do

But now I'm doing it I love that movie That thing I think You're gonna do With Tom Hanks Yeah Those were the days Yeah

Meg Ryan Handsome Daughter That's it Oh the Handsome Daughter Yeah I'll be doing that In October Cool I love Winnipeg

Yeah It's a really really fun Place to do comedy And the scene is great Yeah We will be in Winnipeg. Yeah. It's a really, really fun place to do comedy, and the scene is great. Yeah. We will be in Winnipeg on September 25th. It's my first time ever there. Yeah.

What's the... We'll see. Yeah. It's fun. You'll see the Viscount Gort on the way from the airport. Your favorite place. Man, can I riff about that place. Like a weird old hotel?

Yeah, it's a hotel that leans, hovers over the highway, and it's called Viscount Gort, and it sounds like it has a dripping dungeon in the basement and blood drips from the ceiling. It's really weird. Yeah, exactly. Yeah. Yeah.

We'll also be in Toronto. We'll be in Vancouver, Calgary. Edmonton. Saskatoon. Yeah. So go to stoppodcastingyourself.com for all those dates. That's coming up the end of September, beginning of October. Chris.

Thank you so much. Thanks for being our guest. This was so much fun. Thanks for having me. Yeah. Thanks for the tea. I'm sorry you feel it made you crazy. I think it made you really perform.

Yeah. That was a performance enhancing tea. Yeah. And it worked. Well, I'm, I've come down now. And now you're like one of us again.

Yeah. Yeah. Hey guys. Hey. Thanks so much for listening to the show. If you like the show, please tell your friends

and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported. Humping.