Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 55 - Guy MacPherson

Episode Date: March 23, 2009

Comedy beat reporter Guy MacPherson joins us to discuss why he is incapable of laughter, Jack Johnson, and French fries.

hi he's Dave Schumke and he's Graham Clark and together we hosts stop podcasting yourself hello everybody welcome to number 55 here. I can't drive 55 or pronounce 55. My name is Graham Clark. You are listening to Stop Podcasting Yourself. Joining me as always is the man on whose time in the military the movie Good Morning Vietnam was based and its sequel Suburban Commando its sequel, Suburban Commando.

What's Suburban Commando? It was a movie starring Hulk Hogan. Hulk Hogan? Yeah. I always got it confused with Toxic Avenger. Oh, yeah. Two different movies, both of redeeming value. Which one was Santa with muscles?

I'm sorry. That's all right. Dave Schumke, how are you doing? I'm sorry. That's all right. Dave Shumka, how are you doing? I'm okay, thank you. How are you? I'm great. You know what? Let's kick it up a notch.

I'm great. Yeah, you look great. No, don't take it that way. And joining us here, our guest this week on episode number 55, writer. Check. Comedy enthusiast. Oh, check. And father.

Yep. Proud father. Proud father. Check. And all around a booster of the comedy scene here in Vancouver. Check. Except. Except what?

You don't laugh. Yeah. Well, let me say his name first. Guy McPherson. Except Except what? You don't laugh Yeah Well let me say his name first Guy McPherson Thanks for coming out And being part of the show Thank you So this is what it's come to hey?

Yeah this is it This is the end of the road I had such high hopes for your show When you told me Lo these How long have you been doing this show? 55 weeks 55 weeks

Thank you A year When you came to me and you said you wanted to do a podcast and you would do it with anyone who had equipment i thought this is this has potential this show is good and now you've asked me to be a guest so you think that what you think we're we're stretching now yeah oh no come on you're selling yourself short i don't see a hundred in this this is we made a list and you're on it, of the first few people we wanted. And we've been late.

It took a while to secure me. Also, I do radio. Yeah. Oh, that's right. I meant to say, radio host of every week, What's So Funny on Co-op Radio CFRO 102.7 on your FM dial in Vancouver. Or streamed online.

Also an extremely popular podcast. Extremely popular? Well, it's a podcast. It's not a competition. Yeah, but on that show, an hour every week you interview. Sundays 11pm. Let's Get to Know Us. Get to know us.

You, yeah, you interview comics. That's correct, yeah. And Kevin Smith. No, Kevin doesn't do any interviewing. Kevin Smith of Mallrats fame. Yes. What do you mean Kevin Smith does? He's there.

He throws in the occasional excellent remark. You said me and Kevin do interviewing. No, no. Kevin will throw in the odd comment. Yeah, yeah. No, you do the interview. He's the guy who laughs. Right.

Right. And when he's not there... He's your Robin Quivers. You don't need... Like, in your lifetime, you don't need someone with you to laugh for you. You yourself can laugh. What? Yeah, if you say something that you think is funny,

go ahead and laugh. Nobody's going to judge you for it. Well, I do. I just have kind of a quiet laugh. Yeah? Here's the thing. If I chuckle at something, I go, oh, that is good. Right?

Otherwise, I can sit there and kind of intellectualize it, go, that was funny, without really laughing. But what makes you laugh? Like, what makes you guffaw? Is it like some, because like stuff like. Benny Hill. Well, no, you know what? Like stuff like really stupid stuff is the stuff that makes me guffaw.

Like, you know, written comedy very rarely makes me lose, you know, when you start losing your mind and you're laughing and then you start drooling and that. Like, I don't think any comedy show has ever done that. But maybe like a moment, you know? Just kind of an unintentional moment. Like a sleepover. Sleepovers make me laugh a lot.

In church. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it makes me laugh. Trying not to laugh. Trying not to laugh is possibly... Maybe that's the way to get comedy shows to really go through the roof is you tell them at the beginning of the show no remember no laughing and bring a sleeping bag yeah because there's a lot of uh i was at a general meeting two weeks ago and nothing funny

was happening but i was having a snicker fest wow all right you know a lot of general meetings Annual ones? I go to annual, general, whatever Dave though Why did you bring it up that I don't laugh? Because you've witnessed this or you've heard that I don't? No I've witnessed it So you're sitting there watching me watching a show

Watching you Watching me You know what here's something I go to movies with friends, comedies. And, you know, I sit there and I'm watching it. And it can be hilarious. And then sometimes when you're with a friend, the vibe that you give off affects them because they're thinking something. Right.

Right. You go on a lot of first dates. Yes. And after the show, I'll say, oh, so what do you think? And they're like, oh, you didn't like it, did you? And I go, what are you talking about? I thought it was hilarious, because I'm just sitting there. So then that's...

You're a man without a country, I think. I'm sure. I don't know. I was going to say you're more like a vegetable. In a good way. You're on laugh support. Here's a vegetable. In a good way. You're on laugh support. Here's a question. When was the last time...

That was a pun. Yeah, it was pretty good. Did you... Yeah, no. Dave will slip in a pun. He's not above puns. What was the last movie that you saw where you actually

were actually like had real gut laughter because it's I was thinking about that the other day like last weekend I watched Pineapple Express and I was really late to watch it it was funny but it wasn't there was certain moments in it that I thought were very hilarious but also

you know it was it was like three or four minutes worth of laughing. Yeah. Stretched out over an hour and a half or so. I recently saw Role Models and that made me laugh. There's a little swearing black kid and that's comedy gold. That is cute.

That and an old lady are always funny. Old lady swearing or just an old lady? Yeah. How many times have you gone with friends, too, movie and they laugh say for half of it it's comedy let's say it's a comedy right up front they laugh for half of it and then they say they didn't like it i'm going man if i laugh a few times in a movie i'm thinking this is really good so what if i don't love every single part of it but that's bad though? If we've given up to movies that were like, ah, if you have laughed three times in a movie, it's great.

No, remember that I don't laugh. We are snobs, though. Yeah, I guess that's true, too. I guess our opinion is not really valid in the overall what people like and dislike. I saw Slumdog Millionaire last night. Yeah, you said it was a laugh ride. It was hilarious. There's this kid covered in

poop. Yeah. You like kids. I like anything with kids. Anything. You could have seen that look. Yeah, I was given quite a mug. So what's new? What's interesting? What are you working on? What's happening?

Oh my, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Hey, this is not an interview show. No. We're not interviewing. Just ask. Shooting the bull. You will not get any information from me whatsoever. No, what's new?

Nothing, really. Nothing? How's, I think, possibly, you're the first parent that we've had on the show. Yeah, that we know of. Boy-o-oing. That's my sound for controversy. Boy-o-oing. That's my sound for controversy. Boi-o-oing. That's my sound for contraception.

My sound for an erection. Yeah. Boom, boom, boom. We're a good team. We're a well-oiled unit today. Clark, Shumka, and McPherson. Yes, I'm a parent. Proud parent of a four-year-old boy.

Yeah. And it's fun. Four years old already. My God. Yeah, Proud parent of a four-year-old boy. Yeah. And it's fun. Four years old already. My God. Yeah, you remember when he was just a little... I remember when he was all of zero. True, you remember that too, yeah. That's crazy.

Four years old and talking and you were saying he does the thing with Silly Putty and then he shows you... Hey, look at this. Yeah, he puts it on newsprint. And I'm on the couch reading or something. Look at this. Yeah, he puts it on the couch. And I'm on the couch, you know, reading or something. Look at this. Then he'll put it on a different part of the paper. Oh, look at this one.

Look at this one. Like, is there a thing that you develop when you grow up that stops things from being endlessly fascinating? Like, you know what I mean? Like peekabboo or whatever. Is there something that kicks in that all of a sudden you're like, nah, I got it. One time is enough.

I get it. It's a set of keys. When does that end? Because it seems like it's pretty endless for kids and then there's just a drop-off point where they don't fall for it anymore. Yeah, that's a good point. What age is that? I don't know.

Because he's not there yet. It's not four. At least in my house. So it's not four. Yeah, that's a good point. What age is that? I don't know. Because he's not there yet. It's not four. At least in my house. Yeah, it's weird. Because there is definitely an age where you're like, let's do that thing, and the kid's like, ah, bored of that thing. Let me watch Dora.

She's growing up. Did you hear about that? Yeah, she's tweening. They've turned Dora the Explorer into a tween. Into a tart. Future tart. You guys want to have kids? Right now? Together? It's going so well, I just thought I'd ask.

Yeah, sure. I think so. I mean, I got the dog, so how hard could it be? That's true. You know, I couldn't have a dog. Because dogs are like kids that don't grow up. Right? Because at some point the kid will learn to stop pooing in his pants.

You hope. And eventually you'll be able to leave him at home alone for the weekend. I've seen that movie. I know how that ends. Yeah. What time are you getting up to let your dog out? Seven. Yeah, that's not right. That's a human time are you getting up to let your dog out? Seven. Yeah, that's not right.

That's a human time. What time do you let your kid out? What time is that? Let him out. Is that what happens with kids? You let them out in the yard? Run around? Tire themselves out?

Yeah, no, no. Yeah, he gets up early. That's for sure. I ignore him as long as I can until he guilts me into waking up. Okay. How does it work with Grandpa? Does he do the same thing? Is it a guilt mechanism?

It's a scratching mechanism because he knows that that wakes me up. But the thing about dogs is that you can laugh in their face for their whole life. But with kids, at some point, they do something embarrassing. And you have to pretend that it's not embarrassing. True, yeah. But with dogs, oh man. And how do they differ from cats? Let me tell you, folks.

I've been at this a long time. The funny twist that I can see now, and it's the one, like I don't have kids, but it's something that I can finally see crystallized for the first time, is that you know how, like, you know, you would never want your parents to be with you at the mall. Like, you'd be embarrassed or whatever to be around any parental figure. That would just be mortifying. But now that I am of an age where, like,

the real embarrassment is on behalf of the parent. Yeah. And this kid, this greasy-faced little kid that you have to tote around, that's the real embarrassment. The kid's like, oh, I'm so embarrassed of my mom. Really, the mom is the real embarrassed one. Oh, I thought you meant. Do you know what I mean? I thought you meant you, like at your age, your parents are still embarrassed of you.

Oh, yeah, certainly. But yeah, oh, having a carrier or bring a teenager through a mall with you has got to be so embarrassing. Because if you ran into another parent that you knew, and you're like, oh, man, I got my kid with me today. Like, that would be embarrassing, right? Especially if it was another hot parent. Well, and if the kid's going through a goth phase or whatever, and you've got to be like, this is my creepy kid. You know what I mean?

We were the embarrassing ones. Well, that's true. Parents are always comparing, quietly contrasting. Their kid is doing this. My kid isn't. Whether you're thinking your own kid is slow or whatever. My kid said the darndest thing. Yeah, or the other kid acts up.

Thank you, Art Linkletter. The other kid acts up, and you're pretending like, oh, that's cute. Inside, you're going, what a holy terror that child is. That parent must be a horrible parent. You're judging all the time. It's funny. I just recently

had... In my daily life, I don't really have a lot of exposure to kids. But recently I met Erica's niece. She's delightful. Erica Sigurdsson? Yeah, Erica Sigurdsson's niece. How old is she? 10 or 12, somewhere in there.

Between 2 and 15, like Dora. I really have no, I cannot gauge a child's age. Or at least I couldn't. Now I have nieces and I can tell. Yeah, that's right. Like, okay, you're older than two or younger than two. But this gal, like, she was a delight. But I can't match a kid's energy.

I can't match most adults' energy. But when a kid is just... They're endless. They don't ever... They don't ever, nothing. They don't shut up. Nothing ever makes them want to not move around and harass you. No, when they get to that stage, then they just get cranky and grumpy. Yeah.

Good Lord. And it's time to feed them or put them to bed. Those are the things. Guys, parenting tip 101. You should have your own show on the CW. Now, we didn't't On the DQ We said Dairy Queen? What's the DQ?

I don't know You can't just throw out random letters CW is a thing That's an actual station Western station? I don't know It used to be the WB What's the thing that means on the low down? The DL Venture and Western Station? I don't know what that is. It used to be the WB. I don't know what it stands for.

What's the thing that means on the low down? The DL. The DL. No, no. There's something else with a Q. Oh, the QT. QT. That's what I meant.

Yeah, not the DQ. The DL and the QT together is the DQ. The DQ is hot eats and cool treats. H's and CTs. Now, we talked. We never got to you. What's the last movie that made you laugh? Oh, yeah. I don't know.

No? No, seriously. We got all day. Well, let's think about it. Let's go through some. What about you? You said role models. I'm trying to think. For me, it would probably be like laugh out loud moments. LOL.

LOLing. You know what it was? It wasn't even a movie that was a comedy. The last movie that I saw where I enjoyed it and I had deep belly laughs start to finish was that Jason Statham movie, Crank. That made me laugh. It was so over the top. It's the most over top movie I've ever seen

Maybe Borat I laughed at that I don't know if I'm doubled over laughing But for me I was really laughing But you know I'm a big movie guy I love movies since having a kid I see maybe one a year

Have you seen Watchmen? No How many movies do you guys see a year? I don't know, like three? No. I don't see that many. Really? Or like go out to see?

No, just see whether you get the DVD or whatever. Oh, I thought you meant like go out. Yeah, I probably see 52. One a week. That sounds about right. Yeah. Yeah, see? I download a lot of movies. You watch them right. Yeah. Yeah, see? I download a lot of movies.

You watch them, though? Yeah. A lot of them I end up not watching. Yeah. You just download and you're just like... How many books in these bookshelves have you read? These are mostly Abbey's, and a lot of them are just books I was assigned in school and never read. And a lot of them are, if you open them up, they just have stashes and things in them.

If you open it up, it says, I owe you one book. But I do buy DVDs, and like you, sometimes I don't watch them. Buying DVDs, I have completely stopped. That's going out, right? Because, can you imagine watching a DVD more than more than once no that's some i only buy the ones that i think this is a classic yeah i will watch more than once whether i do or not or even

the first time i used to i used to have you ever bought a dvd and just never even watch it like you and then you go you're cleaning and then you find it still wrapped in the original cellophane once my uncle that's a bad feeling once my uncle uh for christmas got me two dvds um the first pirates of the caribbean and bringing down the house starring queen latifah i fell asleep during pirates of the caribbean and then uh bringing down the house we kept it in its original wrapping. And this was before I lived with my girlfriend, Abby. I would leave it at her house, and she would find it five days later and hide it somewhere in my house.

It was a fun game we played. I did see that one on a plane once. What, Bringing Down the House? Or at least a quarter of it. This is something we never mentioned on the podcast, is that ages ago, we made a short music video. Yeah, like basically a music video that incorporated bringing down the house quite heavily

called Fudge Cops. And we never we made that thing. It's on YouTube somewhere. Probably in the dark areas in the back. I think I saw that. It's in the steam room down at the bottom. It's Yumi and Ben Mills dressed up as cops. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Making fudge. Check it out. That's weird. I haven't thought about that until you were just talking about bringing it out of the house. Were you making fudge or were you policing the fudge? Have you not seen it? Yeah, I have. Yeah, we make the fudge.

I think only about 400 people have seen it. There are lucky 400 people. Four large, I call them. Oh, you have a blog as well? Oh, we said you were a writer. We didn't mention for whom you write, for whom the bell writes. Well, I'm a freelance writer, Dave. So I could write for anybody.

All right. So anyone have any writing requests? Send them to Guy. Care of stop podcasting yourself. They'll get it to me somehow. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Send it through dispatch. Largely write for the Georgia Straight newspaper.

Vancouver's free weekly rag. That's right. And a lot of Americans you talk to them and they get confused by the name. Bob Odenkirk once said, he didn't know where I was. He thought I was in the state of Georgia. See, and when I first moved to Vancouver, I had that exact same thing. I didn't understand what the Georgia Strait was.

I didn't even know what that meant. It's weird that, you know, like I understand that, okay, well, you pick it because it's a thing that's in the city. But then if enough people are like i don't get that thing don't you just change it and then you go okay well it's got history yeah i guess so but it's it's weird like when you go to other towns like there's something that's called like you go to toronto it's called now and you're like whoa what does that mean is it mean i don't get it like no you get. It's things that are happening this week, now. I don't know that we have the right to judge

because we named our podcast Stop Podcasting Yourself. That's true. There's a thing on Google Analytics that will tell you the search terms that people found your website through. Yes, I have that online. And one of them was, Don't podcast yourself.

Close enough. As long as it gets to you. Yeah, exactly. Let's get to know you, Dave. What's going on with you, buddy? Not a lot. Yeah, I don't really have anything, except last Friday, eight days ago, we we i just washed it eight days ago remember those commercials yeah for fabric softener yeah something like that like that was a big that was supposed to

be the selling point that you could have something that was actually filthy but it would smell not filthy well no was that the point no it would be that your uh your fresh towels would smell like... You washed them ten days ago, but they smell like you just washed them. What do you do to your towels in the meantime that they wouldn't smell like that? What? Well, I don't get it. How many towels? Like, maybe if you... Like, are these things that you've dried yourself off with and they still smell like they just came out of the thing?

It's a fresh towel that still smells fresh, even though... I know, it's a stale towel. But clean. But clean. A stale but clean. But that you... How many days do you use a towel in a row? How many days do I use a towel in a row?

Or does the average... No, no, no. You. How many days do I use it? I only have two towels. Yeah, I only have three towels. We have more towels in the house, but most of them are dog towels, which are different from kid towels in the following hilarious ways.

Or beach towels. Huh? I don't have any. There's no comparison there at all. Wait a minute. Okay, so this product, whatever it was, dove bounce snuggie. Something

for dove bouncing. You would put it in the thing with the towels. You put it on the towels? You wrap the towel around it, and you throw it into a some kind of like a hamster ball. And then

that would fool people into thinking that you had actually washed your towels but you hadn't washed your towels. No, no. It was that you had washed them but then you let them sit? It lingered. Yeah. The aroma lingered.

Oh. But couldn't you just spray something on it like a perfume that smelled like fresh towels? It's clean. What do you care if it's fresh smelling? You're just drying your genitals. It's called, I can't believe you didn't just wash this. That's what it was called. Oh, yeah.

And then that was the sassy tagline was, did you just wash this? Yeah, I just washed it. Five days. But then that doesn't make any sense. If somebody said, did you just wash this? The answer is no, I didn't. Yeah, I did. Five days ago.

It depends what you mean by just. I did wash it. It's all relative. The question, though, he's trying to avoid, how many days do you use a towel? Oh, in a row? Yeah. Three, probably. Three.

Three. Four. Oh, really? Yeah. I'm like 14. Oh, no. I wash mine at the end of every week. Do you pay for laundry?

No. What? No. You come out of the shower clean, right? So it's just wet and needs to dry. Not the way I shower. I shower in a different way than you guys. Waterless shower.

Yeah, well, yeah, exactly. I do dry cleaning at my house. Okay, well, the big... So how did we get on this? Not a lot of things happened to me this week. Oh, there you go. Eight days ago. Right.

on this? Not a lot of things happened to me this week. Eight days ago. But I did go to a comedy show last Friday and it was a night of a hockey game. I have a Canucks hockey

calendar on my wall. I really need to stop booking shows on the same day as hockey games. Not because you want to go to the games or watch them no but because uh there will be a tv in every establishment showing the game and the show will not be able to start until the game is over how sad is that but that's super handy because i never even thought about that before to have a canucks calendar so that you're like oh okay well who's he's asking me to do a show.

No, I won't do a show on that night because exactly, that's quite brilliant. I can't believe I ever thought of that. Oh, and I have the calendar. I buy it every year, but I've never used it for that. I just buy it because I'm a fan. Yeah, well, we are all Canucks. Not me.

But to what? You booked a... Well, who are you a fan of? I don't like hockey. What? Where did you grow up? Victoria. That's on the very edge of Canada. Although I did go to high school with Jeff Cornell.

And elementary school. Wow. Yeah. Former Vancouver Connect Jeff Cornell. Thank you. And Edmonton Oiler. And Boston Bruin. Wow.

You seem to know an awful lot about hockey for a guy who says... I know a lot about Jeff Cortnall. And St. Louis Blue. Was he? He got passed around a lot, this guy. And Washington Capitol? Are you thinking of Russ Cortnall? Well, you know, they lived in the same house, just down the street.

But they went to different high schools. But anyway, yeah. Because there were different gangs. How about instead of when you go to book a show, say, will the TV be on? There's a hockey game that night. The thing is, the classic analogy is when I first was getting into comedy and I showed up to a place and there was like a sandwich board out front and it said on it, tonight, it out front and it said on it uh tonight uh or yeah tonight and then uh colon uh you know oysters and muscles such and such a price and uh you know sleeves of this beer such and such a price and

then last thing comedy and not even stand-up comedy just just the word comedy. As if it looked like somebody had erased most of the sign and forgot to erase the last word of something else. But that's it. Everything else takes precedence in any establishment over comedy and then comedy. Oh, man, I could go over some oysters. But, yeah, so I did this this show and the show must go on uh even if half the people leave after the hockey game is that what happened well it was the show was supposed to start at nine the hockey game ended at 9 45 so that's when the show started and for some reason the gentleman

who booked the show invited his friend to play a few songs before the show. A guy came up with a guitar. Wait a minute, wait a minute. Funny songs? Nope. No. Really? Yes.

No. Yes. Well, maybe that was the sorbet. Is that the right word? Yeah, a little palate cleanser. Yeah, just palate cleanser from the hockey game. Transitioning from entertainment, you know, and now we're going to get to comedy after that. I guess there's some logic at play there.

Faulty, mostly. Was he good? Well, it was the funniest part of the night. Like so many times. Why was it funny? What happened? Because before he came up, he said, or like he came up. I'm already laughing.

I don't even know what happened. He came up with his guitar and went up to the microphone and said, so do we have any Jack Johnson fans out there? And it was silence. Oh, poor guy. And then he didn't take the hint, and he proceeded to play two Jack Johnson songs. Really?

What is a Jack Johnson song? Name one. Curious George. Yeah, the theme from Curious George, the movie. And something about banana pancakes. Yeah. Is that also from Curious George, the movie? I don't know.

You would think. Bananas, monkeys, and pancakes. Jack Johnson. Yeah, yeah. Is that also from Curious George the movie? I don't know. You would think. Bananas, monkeys, and pancakes. Jack Johnson. Jack Johnson. He's the same guy as the other guy, right? The boxer. Not the same guy, but he's in the same field. There's Jack Johnson, and then there's another guy who sings like that laid-back guitar-y stuff.

Ben Harper? Ben Harper, yeah. Isn't he a piano player? No. Who, Jack Johnson? Ben Harper. No. Oh. That's Ben Folds. Sure, yeah. stuff ben harper ben harper yeah i think a piano player no who jack johnson ben harper no oh that's ben folds sure yeah ben folds uh hooray ben harper is i think it has a little bit more musical legitimacy okay what jack johnson has no legitimacy no so he's not enough legit to quit he could easily quit he could quit yeah he has no hang it up uh so that was the big uh week for me eight days ago hey i just watched those days ago i just had this funny thing happen to me eight days ago

i have jack johnson on my ipod yeah yeah is that a good thing does it help you relax i don't know a lot of music doesn't do that for me i like sometimes i'm a robot no when he listens to music he laughs i laugh hysterically no no here's the thing right like i'll be going along and be maybe late at night we're on the road me and my family you and Jack Carrow and I have my iPod on and you know some like punk song will come on and my wife will be like

no it's like the wrong time right and I was like I can listen to that going to sleep it doesn't matter to me it doesn't or I could listen to

classical music you know when I'm at the height of whatever whatever I remember seeing an interview with Mike Bullard a Canadian

icon ex talk show host and icon. And weight loss guru. And weight loss guru. It didn't work. He said in an interview that he didn't like music. Really? Isn't that, that's one of the weirdest things I've ever heard anybody say in an interview. I know some people like that.

But that doesn't, I don't even understand how you can say that. That's not even a thing. To me, that doesn't even seem like a thing that you can say. I don't like music. If you're filling out a personal ad and you're doing your likes and dislikes, like music. Yeah.

There's no... How do you not... Even if your parents were both killed to music. Or by music. To music. Who's choreographed killing. Do you know what I mean? Like, why would you hate all music?

I certainly am less enthusiastic about music now more than ever it's probably that he doesn't dislike it it's probably that he just doesn't listen to it right i mean there's some people i know that like this they just never listen to it but he said i don't like music oh that is interesting that'd be like saying like i don't like like i don't like food like it's a it's just a blanket statement. It's different. It's different. You need food to survive. You don't need music to survive? Jack Johnson might say you would.

There's a lot of sharks that never hear music, and they're doing fine. Are they? They're dwindling numbers. Is that right? Humans on the rise, taking this planet over. Oh, you know why? Music. Yeah, exactly. Mostly your Barry Whites. They help with the rise. Taking this planet over. Oh, you know why? Music. Yeah, exactly.

Mostly your Barry Whites. They help with the conception. Gray Gray. Yeah, yeah. What get to know Ewing? I went to a physiotherapist a couple times this week. And I don't... You got a bad back. I got don't... You got a bad back.

No, I got a crazy... I got a bum neck that flares up anytime there's a storm. And I don't... The thing about physiotherapy... Like, it's kind of working, the thing I'm doing, but it doesn't feel like...

It doesn't feel like going for a haircut. But it doesn't feel like going to a doctor but it doesn't feel like going to a doctor either it's like some weird nether region between you know what I mean like when you go to a dentist they're like here's the you've got a cavity here's an x-ray proving that you have a cavity we'll fill that cavity

and then that's it it's very like step A step B step C ta-da and but then you go to a haircut it's all like we'll figure it out as we go along and then like physiotherapy somewhere between like a like a medicine and a haircut do you actually do what they tell you to do yeah because i go to physios all the time that's okay do this exercise and then you just don't and i do it for maybe half a day. Yeah. I go, I'm okay. This is boring. I get it. Right?

Okay, so there's nothing seriously wrong. Okay. So you have a bad neck. When I said this was boring, by the way, I meant the exercise. It's not what you guys are talking about. I wasn't being that much of an a-hole. But you know what I mean? I actually do feel better, but it's a weird thing because they're kind of like, well, let's see if this... You know what I mean like it's it's uh like i do i actually do feel better but it's it's a weird thing because

they kind of like well let's see if this you know what i mean like they're like well do this and try out this thing and you know there's a lot have you tried moving your couch so it faces the window that's just feng shui i don't know like i i want to in it. I want to do the thing. And I always do the exercise. And I do actually feel better. But it feels very like, you know, just like very loosey. Like if I ran some sort of clinic, it would just be like, I don't know, do this.

Hold your arm up in the air. I'll be right back. Do you have a cute physio? Do you have a cute physio? Do I have a cute physio? A cute physio or an acute physio? Do you have a cute physio? Do I have a cute physio? A cute physio or an acute physio? Yeah. Cute.

Physiotherapist. Is your therapist charming in nature? Fetching? No, no. I mean, she's not. Yeah, it's not. No. I mean, you know.

Would you throw it in her? Oh, I hope she's not listening. No, she's fine. But it does not. I don't think physio is populated. Is she single? She sounds really hot. I think you're thinking of the massage parlors where you get a special ending. No, I'm thinking. But it does not... I don't think physio is populated. Is she single? She sounds really hot. I'm thinking of the massage parlors where you get a special ending.

No, I'm thinking of my physiotherapist. A special ending? Is that what it's called? I think it's called a happy ending. A special ending! It's called alternate endings. Give me the never-ending story with a special ending. It sounds like Guy has a cute physio.

Yeah. Yeah. I think so. What's his name? Boom! What's the deal? Is that... To me, I would rather have a not cute situation. Yeah. It would be like your muscles all tighten up because she's

so cute. Yeah, yeah. Is that what happens? I don't know. Anytime Dave sees a cute girl, he flexes a lot. Hey, did we do Let's Get to Know Me? Was that it when you asked me what's new? Yeah. Do you want more?

Well, I went to Whistler this week. Oh, please. Yeah. What happened? What I mean to say is, oh, please. Here's the thing about Whistler. I hate it. Continue. Well, you know, oh, please. Here's the thing about Whistler. I hate it. Continue.

Well, you know, I've never skied in my life. And people say, again, where are you from? You don't like hockey? You've never skied? You hate music? No, I love music. Oh, sorry. No, music.

You listen to punk music to go to sleep, I think, was the message we took away from that. Maybe the message you took away, but not the message that I was sending. Turn on some Rancid. Yeah, so I went to Whistler and didn't ski. Well, but, okay. What else do you do there? For everybody that has never been to Whistler,

that's the only thing there is to do there. There's some shitty shops and a ski hill. There's shops that sell supplies for skiing. For skiing, yeah. I bought a ball cap there, though. So that was you went all the way to Whistler to buy a ball cap, in essence? No, just, you know, you go for the journey, not the destination.

And that highway is a journey. Was somebody else you were with skiing? Sure, yeah. Not my wife or child. Yeah. But we met some friends up there, and were skiing did they have like i guess we didn't meet them they were skiing uh we were in the village were you you didn't stay with them no but we you know we could have in fact you guys could have come up and done the show there because we we got this hotel room my sister works for a hotel so we

got a deal this is why we go whistler is kind of pricey yeah yeah so we got a deal. This is why we go. Whistler is kind of pricey. Yeah. So we got a room. Well, there's a recession. For $89, we'll walk in. Okay, there's a kitchen. There's a dining room. There's a living room. There's a master bedroom.

There's a second bedroom with two single beds. And then in the hall, there are two bunk beds. So we could have had eight people. Could have had a whole party. For $89. Here's the thing. It was pretty good. Years ago, I won. We couldn't afford not to go,

is what I'm saying, yeah. Not in today's economy. I won tickets to, not tickets, but, like a weekend, at the,

what's the big hotel? There's a lot of them. The Chateau Whistler? Yeah. It's French for Whistler Castle. And, Whistler Cake. Yeah, orau whistler yeah it's it's french for whistler castle and uh whistler cake they are the whistler gifts with their boat what is boat in french bateau there's gato that's cake there's chapeau is hat gado is gift gado is gift drapo is flag and uh iago is the um from shakespeare the parrot from aladdin

it was gilbert godfrey the gilbert godfrey whistler go on um oh yeah i won a free weekend at the and it's the crazy like just like you say these every room is opulent there's just no the shower was so big like literally how big was it yes but he gets the cues but you could stand there it was it was so big that you could stand in a corner of it and there was no yeah there was no chance of you getting like you could stand... It was so big that you could stand in a corner of it and there was no chance of you getting... Like, you could read the newspaper in the far right corner of it. No problem. Do they bring you a laminated newspaper?

Yes. They wouldn't need to. That's how big it was. Every day's newspaper. You get it? It's like... It weighs about 38 pounds because of all the extra plastic. It's worth it. And they bring you a dry erase

pen for the crossword puzzle. Yeah, that's how opulent it is. But also I ended up getting a pizza in town and walking into the lobby. So they knew me by seeing me as the prize winner. My parents bought a place in Whistler in the 60s. It was

garbage. Really? Whistler was garbage? Well, the place was fine. It was nice and big, but it wasn't opulent. It was very rustic. Did you ever see the show Whistler? No, I didn't. But there's a new MTV show that is supposed to be like The Hills, but it's MTV Canada.

And it's called Peak Season. And, oh, God, they should be sponsoring us. Because I just got really excited about it. Why? What is it? It's like The Hills, but it's about Whistler. Oh, really? Ah, yes.

Because the show Whistler was really it was like a drama, like a 90210, but it was set in Whistler. And it was a Canadian show then. Yes. And there was a character based on Olympic hero Ross Rebliati.

Yeah, his name on the show was Boss Flavly Gladi. It was very narrowly disguised. I saw him on TV recently, Ross Rebliati. Doesn't look good. Doesn't look super sharp. Doesn't look like an Olympian. Looks like he hasn't slept in a while well let's get this he was a snowboarder yeah this is still he was in my

brother's class from like grade 1 through grade 12 really he was the jeff cortenel of your brother yeah maybe the funniest thing you've ever said he's the jeff cordenale of your brother all right well let's move this show along let's go let's uh hit us up some uh some of them overheards overheard um okay overheards it is our tradition on the show always uh to let the guest uh tradition oh did i say tradition you always say turition, and it always makes me want to say turducken. Did I say turd? I do say turdition? I think you do.

Tradition. Is that how you say it? I'm giving, I'm going to be like your, like my fair lady again. I wish I could remember the character's name. Cyrano de Bergerac? Yes. Yeah. You're going to whisper in my ear the way to pronounce tradition.

I wanted to call him Howard Hughes, but that's not it. No, that's not it. At least you didn't say DQ. Yeah, keep it on the DQ. All right, so I wrote this down because, you know, first of all, I don't think, I'm a little old. No, you're not so but listen i used to overhear things all the time right you'd take the bus and you'd be sitting beside some music

crazy person yeah right uh well that's another thing the music now you get the ipods in your ears yeah listening right now when i get to go by myself somewhere i got the ipod do you think that the sony walkman people are bitter about thisod. Do you think that the Sony Walkman people are bitter about this? Oh, definitely. Do you think that they're like, we wanted people to become antisocial, but Apple has jumped on that bandwagon.

So do you think that the iPod is really ushered in the era of the antisocial? I think it's really a lot cooler and a lot more compact than the Sony Walkman. Walkman? The L is no longer silent. You know, I think, though, when you have that in,

it creates like a zone around you that you're not interested in any interaction whatsoever. Because I try to just give somebody kind of like, you know, when you pass somebody on the street and you just give them kind of a handjob? Yeah, like the good morning handjob is what I was going. And then they start batting my hand away. And I was like, why? Because they're wearing the iPod. Yeah.

Continue. I think my point was made. But the other point is that I now drive. And so I'm often either alone with my thoughts. Very few crazy people in your cars. And often I overhear stuff in my own head. That's not quite good. Or my son is talking, asking millions of questions in the background.

Or my wife is not talking. Sounds like a tough life. No, no, no. Happy kid. I'm kidding. But, yeah, so what I'm saying is I used to overhear stuff all the time. But so I had to, when you asked me to be on this show two days ago or whenever it was. Please, come on.

Let's not pretend that this was a rush order. We asked you on Tuesday. Okay, it was Tuesday. Yeah, so I went up to Whistler and I go, I got to overhear something. I got to keep my ears open. Nothing. I didn't hear anything. Or sometimes you just hear like a word, right?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you want to follow them. Oh, yeah. Yeah, definitely. And I do. But you can't. Okay. You have to.

But so today I heard something. Three short sentences, each one funnier than the next. All right. In my view. I have to put on the spectacles. Don't build it up too much. Yeah, I shouldn't, actually. Here it is.

It was funny. Of course he burst into flames. Remember? Now, this is funny because, one, bursting into flames, that's not funny. So that's the first sentence. Second one, of course. Like, why of course? What do you mean, of course he burst into flames that's not funny yeah so that's the first sentence second one of course like why of course how what do you mean of course he burst into flames so well i thought that he was saying of course i remember that no this is one person talking it was funny of course he burst

into flames remember and then the last sentence remember like if you saw someone burst into flames you would forget right remember man that is that's it i like the uh that was the uh uh what would you call a clubhouse sandwich of overheards that's right um so how'd that do how was it i enjoyed it i enjoyed myself a lot during that overheard i mean time will eventually tell i mean you're only in episode 55 yeah uh we we every 10 episodes we do a recap uh best of and we do a clip show yep we should do a clip show i know but all the media is gone all the media is gone what happened uh there was a big disaster uh vis-a-vis the media. Oh, the media. The mainstream media.

Yeah. The leftist media. Yeah, the leftist liberal conspiracy. Yeah, I understand. They control the banks. Dave? Yes, dear. I was at a liquor store, as is my want, and there were two guys.

And you know how it's kind of a douchey thing when you hear someone shorten a word? Like we're going to Sev instead of 7-Eleven? Yeah, that is totally douchey. Is it not douchey? It is a pretty douchey thing. Like when they say something's on the DQ, for instance. Asshole. You, not me. All right right you're not far off uh

there were these two gentlemen buying wine in by the truckload yeah two bottles worth and double fist and they were talking about um uh one guy was going on a trip And they were talking about one guy was going on a trip, and the guy not going on the trip said, I thought you were camping. And the other guy said, no, first class a camo. Oh, Jesus, really? Yeah, he shortened accommodation. Well, he did say two syllables, so that's pretty good.

And he seemed douchey. maybe you overheard though first class maybe you're saying first class in camo so maybe you just maybe he's like a real no no no or maybe he said Asian really quietly

oh yeah a camo-dation because he couldn't live with himself for just saying a camo so that's alright I guess that was pretty good. So you never shorten words down? It's just one of your things.

No, no. Maybe I do. But this was excessive. I enlarge words. Yeah. That's what I do. Yeah. So if I say, I'm going to 7-Eleven, the convenience store.

We're here with the Guy McPherson-ton-menton. Yeah. Expanding words is the new contracting words. So get on it, kids. Instead of LOL, it is laughing out loud a lot at the thing that you said earlier. For instance. Yes, expanding is the new contracting. Graham? Oh, you were bragging before the show that you had like 10 overheards.

I was not. I don't have anything. I don't have my overheard. I have lost it somehow. But Josh from Victoria wrote one in. Oh, you mean Josh R? Is it Josh R? Oh, yeah, it is Josh R. Josh R from Victoria wrote one in. Oh, you mean Josh R.? Is it Josh R.? Oh, yeah, it is Josh R.

Josh R. from Victoria. They were talking about... It was a guy. He went to Watchmen, I think. The movie film? Yeah, the movie film. That was fantastic. I didn't see it.

You haven't seen it yet. You already asked me. Yeah, well... It was a callback. It was a seen it yet. You already asked me. Yeah, well. Yeah, no. It was a callback. It was a callback. Oh, it's fair. That's how callbacks work.

You just say a thing in front of them. You have to pay attention. I was walking out after the movie, and a girl was walking in front of me and was complaining to her boyfriend, I was asleep until a part in the prison. And her boyfriend said, I was asleep for the whole thing which is fucking ridiculous to fall asleep immediately well to go to a movie and be like well i'll see you in a couple hours i'm gonna sleep through this whole fucking movie well i don't know that made me laugh because uh you know somebody's saying well i fell asleep until this part sure yeah well i just slept

through the whole thing did you have you really slept through a whole yes you have yes oh my god i thought it was victoria what movie you know i'm from victoria josh r if you're listening uh was it at the odeon or it was at the it was yeah it was at the university oh university heights University Heights? Cinecenta. Oh, Cinecenta, yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, on the campus. I went to UVic. You went to UVic, this guy. Just like me.

You are just like me. And so The Godfather was playing. One of them. One of the three. I haven't seen any of them. So I thought, this is a film a lot of people... I'm hearing good things about. Keep my ear to the street.

There's a two-thirds chance that this is a good film. I should probably go. And, you know, it was cheap. I keep my ear to this. There's a two-thirds chance that this is a good film. I should probably go. And, you know, it was cheap, and, you know, I don't know if I was cramming. Probably not. I mean, that's studying, Graham. Why didn't you single me out? I know what studying is.

Well, he's got a degree, for God's sakes. That's true. He does have a degree. So I went to... No job. I went to the Godfather went to I went to the Godfather one of them and almost

immediately probably I'm guessing five minutes and I just oh my eyes were heavy I was so tired and I fell asleep maybe meaning to do it

for a couple minutes right yeah sure end of the film just resting your eyes yeah didn't see a thing so nothing in that movie

it's not but the watchman's like it's crazy the sound and all there's no fucking way you slept through that whole film maybe that was his way of saying i didn't like this film yeah it was boring to me talking about the movie guys i slept through it all we do have some phoned in overheards Let's have a listen. Hey, guys. This is Tim in Queens, New York. I have two more weeks left on my job, so I figured I might as well use the free long distance to call the bumper line with an overheard.

I love it. So, last summer in my neighborhood, my wife and I went to a neighborhood cafe that we like to go to, and there was a gentleman there who was clearly waiting for, he was a little nervous, he looked like he was waiting to meet someone. In a few minutes, another gentleman came in,

who was rather flamboyant in some leather pants, and it was very clear that this was their first date. First they were sitting at one table, and then they decided the table wasn't okay, and then they had a very long discussion about maybe they should move to the bar. So they moved to the bar, and they're both talking very quickly and very nervously, but never really paying attention to the menu. They order some drinks. They're very nervous.

It's a lot of attention that you would have of a first date. So finally, the bartender comes back for the second time to see if they're ready to order food, and they decide, oh, we really need to settle down and look at this menu and figure out what we're going to eat. And they go quiet for a few minutes, and they're staring and staring, and neither one's saying anything and finally the the first man says um well you know there's another restaurant down the street and his date the more flamboyant of the two says yeah you know i'm not really seeing anything here that's smoking my shorts and they finished their drinks and left uh thanks a lot. Love the podcast. Smoking my shorts? Yeah, that was a long way to go. Yeah, but it...

What a payoff, though. The whole time that... Because it was quite a long setup to the story, but the whole time I was keeping in mind that he was abusing his work's long-distance thing, so I was like, oh, he's adding in a lot of flowery details just to really stick it to the company.

I like that. What was it? It's just nothing smoking my shorts? Yeah, on this menu. That's my new go-to. Nothing here is smoking my shorts. This gentleman is calling in from your hometown. Hi, guys.

This is Craig Friesen calling from Calgary. I've gotten overheard. I recently went to SAIT which is a technical college here and I was walking down the hall two guys were coming out of a classroom and the bit that I caught was guy number one saying

and all she had was a Flames jersey on at which point the other guy said awesome The guy said, awesome. It is pretty awesome. There's a Molson, I think it's Molson commercial now, that says if you're a Canadian, you've... It's Labatt's Canadian. What's the difference? Nothing, well, not much, actually.

But, yeah, a beer commercial now and there's a girl uh just wearing a hockey jersey in it and it's a good look yeah for a girl yeah just to just the just the hockey jersey yeah awesome awesome yeah uh and we have one more this is a guy who uh i won't play the whole thing but basically he's got the same name as someone else. And so they have the same, they have similar email addresses. And he's been receiving a lot of this guy's email. Hey guys, this is Ryan from Los Angeles. Anyway, I got a lot of his email.

And some of it is bizarre and personal, like from his car dealership and other things that you wouldn't want a person who's not you to get. But other stuff is just jokes from his dad and the stupid chain emails that people in his circle of family and friends sent. And so this one that I just got now is a message that's been forwarded a dozen times about a virus, and it's very sensational and not consistent with things that actually have to do with computer viruses. But the choice quote right in the middle of this message, describing the nature of this computer virus that you're being warned about in reading it is it is a virus that opens an olympic torch which quote burns unquote the whole hard disk c of your computer followed by a half dozen exclamation

points and that makes me laugh also olympic torch is capitalized because olympic torch is a proper noun that has to do with computer security. Anyway, give it the good work. Somebody obviously has two weeks left on the job. My favorite part of it was he said private conversations. And then he said between you and a car dealership. Yeah, because there's an expectation of privacy. You see that all the time on Law & Order SVU. You're like, I want the testimony from the car dealership? Yeah, because there's an expectation of privacy. You see that all the time on Law & Order SVU.

You're like, I want the testimony from the car dealership. That is a private conversation. That's car dealership client confidentiality. That is protected. Every six months I get actual physical mail from my Subaru dealership

telling me I need to bring my car in for service. Yeah, but that is confidential. That is between you and him. So thanks to everyone who wrote and called in. If anyone wants to call in, our phone number is 206-339-8328.

That's 206-339- T-E-A-T. Or write us at StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. Graham, what do you want to move on to? Go. I would very much like to take on a little segment we call Don't Get Me Started. You can punch me in the belly. You can call me retarded.

But don't get me started! In the four minutes we were paused, a lot of things came up. A lot of things went down. So we're going to start again. Graham's got an overheard from just this moment. Take it. Oh, your girlfriend Abby, who's also her own person, is currently stitching a, trying to make a handbag or a purse. Not trying to.

She's making it. Successfully making a purse out of an old umbrella. Yep. And she's taking the fabric off the umbrella. And she said, I was like was like, how's it going? She said, I just have to finish the strap on. We both laughed. That's my

overheard. I didn't have one to contribute before. There. She probably said the strap on it. Nope. I just have to finish the strap on. It's kind of like saying a commo. He probably said Dacian too. No, no, no.

You're going to call him on that. But that's an old, Abby and I do that a lot where we'll catch the word in the middle of the sentence. Like, look at the strap on this bag. I think she said, I just have to put the strap on. Maybe that was it. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Graham just heard strap on. Yeah.

It's good enough. Good enough for this guy. The other thing was a guy was doing a little bit of self-exploration and he told me during the break that he could pinpoint the moment where he stopped laughing. I don't know if it was the moment that I stopped laughing, but I do remember as a

child having a kind of like a foster sister. I don't know what she was. She was in our house. Did she cost a cup of coffee a day? She possibly was a ghost. Big, big laugher. And I used to watch the Dean Martin Roasts.

Oh, yeah. Very funny. And she would be sitting there in front of the TV. And somebody would say something funny. Say perhaps red buttons maybe. Yeah. He couldn TV, and somebody would say something funny. Say perhaps red buttons, maybe. Yeah. He couldn't open his mouth without saying something funny, that red button. Or maybe Foster Brooks.

Anyway. The guy who made the sunglasses? No. What? Foster Grant. I didn't think it needed to be said. I don't know my sunglasses, apparently. And he was the drunk, in case you really didn't know. Brooks or Grant? Well, maybe Grant, too. I don't know my sunglasses apparently and he was the drunk in case Brooks really didn't know

well maybe Grant too I don't know anyway she would laugh and laugh and I'd be like because I'm missing the next the follow up line and I didn't want to I thought laughter got in the way of fully appreciating it so I don't know if that's

just the way I always was but I do remember and I was probably I don't know 10 that's just the way I always was, but I do remember. And I was probably, I don't know, 10, I'm guessing. There was this story that I read when I was a kid about a girl who watched television and let the laugh track laugh for her because she didn't want to get any wrinkles in her face. What? Well, isn't it weird when you're telling your joke that you've told a hundred times before and the audience laughs at the wrong part and it totally throws you off no i just cut it i just cut loose the punch line yeah so it doesn't matter as long as they're laughing it doesn't matter if

they're just laughing because you know they're pavlovian response because i think that was the punch line or because your dick's hanging out. Yeah, I don't know. I put myself in the category of don't care. If they decide that they somehow discovered a punchline that I didn't know was there. In the middle of the joke? Then I'm like, fine.

I'm not going to try. You get rid of it? I'm not going to be, if you like that, wait until you hear the end of it. Fuck that. They're going to punish me for that arrogance. So I will just say, all right, next joke. And you never say the ending ever again.

No, no, just for that show. Just for that show. Yeah, I let them be. It's a dialogue. It's not, I'm not, I'm not, I'm not telling out theaters. You're not in a bubble. Yeah, people aren't coming out to see me pedal whatever horse shit I'm doing that week.

They're just coming out to a comedy club to drink and impress their girlfriends. Or it's their birthday or their bachelorette party. Is that why they fight you after the show? Every guy lines up to fight me after the show. Or let them beat me senseless. And their girlfriends love them for it. You've got a good head on your shoulders. I try.

I'm left by a wonky neck. I know. Okay, so we're doing some don't get me started. Graham? Yes? Well, we're really just doing one. Because there's something that really... We came up with an expression earlier today.

It wasn't for something that makes you angry, though. Oh, really? What was your thing that you... Oh, no, it said that... It really kills my grapes or something. No, it said something that was... Shorts. Yeah, something... Oh, it? What was your thing that you... Oh, no, it said that... It really kills my grapes or something. No, it said something as... Shorts. Yeah, something...

Oh, it smokes my shorts. Smokes my shorts. But that means something good. Yeah, you can make it. You can make it what you want it to be. Make it your own, yeah. Okay, yeah, something that smokes my shorts. Yeah, don't get you started.

Hey, Graham. Yeah? This week, the Georgia Straight came out with their golden plates. Yeah. And don't get me started. I wish you hadn't got me started on this. Here's the thing. They have things where readers can vote for their favorite things in the city, right?

So they say, like, yeah, best place to get a sandwich. Best milkshake in the city. Whatever, right? So who would sandwich. Best milkshake to see. Whatever, right? So, who would have the best milkshake? Is that what you're going to say? I don't know. I like the ones at the Templeton. I think they're great.

Here's the thing. This is the thing. Hamburger Mary's has good milkshakes. They do have very good milkshakes. There were people, the top two sandwiches, or no, number one sandwich. Subway. Subway. Subway.

Why would you even bother fucking voting? That's basically saying, I have no opinion on the issue. I ate a Subway sandwich. That's not saying anything. I know that this sandwich exists. Sandwich is in the title. Maybe they don't exist. I got to fill in every one of these answers, like the SATs.

Yeah, or they won't accept it. Yeah. Or lose marks. And number two was... Quiznos. Number three, fat sandwich. Fat? Fat sandwich.

PH. Where's that? I have no idea. That's fine, because I'm imagining fat sandwich is something local. Yeah. But if you are voting for Quiznos or Subway, then don't vote. Just say, I don't know what a good sandwich place in Vancouver is. Yeah, which Subway in particular makes the best one?

Yeah, maybe there's one. The one that puts staples in their lettuce? But then what did they say? Best fries, you told me. Somebody voted McDonald's. Somebody voted McDonald's. Everyone voted McDonald's. Here's the thing. Because they make the best fries.

No. What? What am I? Take crazy pills in the break? There's no... First of all, you, A, as referred to earlier argument, should not vote because you don't have an actual opinion on where the best fries are. And B, you're not even right.

You're voting for a thing that is not even the best fry. You're like, those fries, they spray like a cologne-based substance on it so that it tastes like it was fried in fat. Tastes like a magazine. So you're not only, are you too dumb to come up with a better place that actually has good fries,

but then you went for a place that doesn't even have good fries. Oh, Dave, I wish you hadn't got me started on that. Oh, Graham, as far as fast food fries go, McDonald's are the best, though. We can agree. No, we cannot. What's better? I would say, if you're going to say, where are the best, though. We can agree. No, we cannot. What's better? I would say, if you're going to say,

where are the best fries that you can get fast? New York fries. There you go. Boom. Way better. Yeah, but I want to drive through. Well, that's not anywhere in the stipulation. This is interesting, though,

because on the one hand, you're saying, you know, you'll cut a joke short because the audience laughs at the wrong spot. These same dumb people who vote for Subway Sandwich, and they're just out to have a good time. On the one hand, you're saying, you know, you'll cut a joke short because the audience laughs at the wrong spot. These same dumb people who vote for Subway sandwich and they're just out to have a good time. Why are you trying to take away their pleasure in voting for their favorite sandwich shop? I don't think Graham is saying his audience is uniformly stupid. I think that's exactly what he was saying. No, I am absolutely not.

I say that the audience sometimes, they have the edge. They're out to have a good time and just to laugh. No, there's a difference. And to eat a stupid fry. Yeah. I agree with having a good time. I disagree with voting for a shitty sandwich or a crappy fry. One that you think is.

Now, Graham, this quite closely resembles your previous Don't Get Me me started on the westenders best food oh yeah that's right so uh never mind so never mind um yeah no it's but it's the van mag comes out with theirs but why why first of all vancouver magazine what's the point in doing a survey like this if it doesn't promote... The whole idea is to promote local businesses, no? Like Subway. So if... Okay. Locally owned?

Well, no. Yeah. Why don't you just throw out all the votes for Subway or McDonald's and then go, Oh, okay. Well, you know, such and such place got 100 votes, so we'll put them as number one. Subway's good. Like, they got their advertising down.

They're fine. They don't need the Georgia Straight poll to help pull in business. They're all right. Subway and Quiznos and McDonald's, they don't need. But a plug to a little independently owned business, that might send them over the top. That might help them out a bit. We're in a recession.

We're through the looking glass. Yeah, you understand. We're on the razor's edge. What do you want to do now? Pranktastic pranks? Yes, please. What? what if you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control it's hilarious pranks hilarious pranks it's a nice one all right um hilarious pranks we haven't done this segment in a while uh mostly because i haven't thought of any and a lot of we haven't done this segment in a while mostly because I haven't thought of any

and a lot of people haven't sent one in but here's I'll read one that came from somebody who calls himself Seattle Erica and Seattle Erica has a great this is a prank the reason I like this is because it's minimal effort

maximum effect right I dated a guy once who had serious anger management issues i remember that movie with adam sandler and jack nelson uh it didn't take much time to make him go crazy uh or didn't take much sorry uh to make him go crazy with frustration so when we broke up which was really nasty since he threw a cup of coffee on me. That's not the prank. That's not, that's not, when I said that, I was like, I hope that's not. That's Chris Brown's idea of a prank.

You just got pranked. I started signing him up for every email thing I could. Every time I went shopping, if they had an email list, he went on it. For anything from the grocery store to women's clothing. It was fantastic. One of our mutual friends told me later that he has changed his email address. I can only assume why. That's pretty great. I think he had a

call from him earlier. The guy in LA. Which? He's getting all these messages. Oh, yeah. Yeah, that's right. The wrong email guy. I love that we didn't get it.

Yeah. But that is a great prank. I like it. It's middle of, you know, she signed him up for something. She knew that would drive him nuts. Probably drove him nuts. Great. But here's my dilemma.

And this is really, I'm putting it out to the bumpers out there. At work, my friend and co- really I'm putting it out to the bumpers out there at work my friend and co-worker Erica Sigurdsson she's currently smoking cigarettes again she had given them up she's gone back on

well she's on TV now you gotta you gotta be cool smoke cigarettes yeah and we are sponsored by do more Laramie's

cigarettes so she goes out often for smoke break. And my Pavlovian idea is to, every time she leaves her desk, I will play a prank on her in order so that every time she goes for a cigarette, that's going to be like the negative response is built in to having the smoke. Is that you're going to get some kind of prank. Now've done some good stuff we've done some great we took all the wheels off of her wheelie chair very fun uh we lowered her chair she noticed it immediately that one she noticed pretty quick uh my my favorite thing was i lowered

her chair as low as it would go and when she sat in it, it was like she was falling down a well. She went, whoa! It was way more exaggerated than it needed to be. I changed her wallpaper. I filled her purse with office supplies. What did you change her wallpaper with? Oh, you know, sometimes it's carrot tops. Sometimes it's a fat guy eating sandwich

computer wallpaper yeah or computer wallpaper and there's a fat guy eating a sandwich wallpaper available look forever to put it up um you know i filled her purse with office supplies so that it was like super duper heavy yeah and she got arrested for stealing office supplies i've taken pictures on her cell phone of other people and then set that as the wallpaper um i've i've unplugged her lamp her mouse her keyboard i've turned off her screen i've turned off her computer. I'm running out of things. Are these pranks or this just asshole harassment? Yeah, harassment.

It is harassment, but at the core of it. It's for a good cause. Yeah. I really, really don't want anybody that I really like to be smoking. Because I smoked for years, and it's the worst habit, and it's the worst thing. And you loved it. I loved it. Yeah, I was in love with smoking, but I really anything I can do.

One of the things that helped me to quit was the fact that my roommate, Sean Proudlove, said when I quit that if I went back to smoking that he would just be merciless and is making fun of. And I just I was like, I don't know if I can handle that on a daily basis. Because he can. Like a Doberman. And Dobermans are totally making fun of you when you smoke. They're really good at teasing.

They're pinchers. So if anyone has any ideas for Graham. Now, they have to be office-based. I don't want to ruin anything, obviously. Anything based on TV is the office Does she get that she's being pranked? She's not just like How did these things get my

She's a smart girl No I've told her straight up this is the deal As long as you continue to smoke And go out for smoke breaks You are leaving yourself open to prank Attacks Does she refer to her cigarettes as smokes or cigs? Because that's douchery.

That's obnoxious. What, if you say smokes? I'm going out for a smoke. Do you think that's more obnoxious than saying... I'm going out for a cig. Cig is obnoxious, but I thought smoke was just a universal term. It depends if it's the verb or the noun. No, but to say I'm going out for smoke?

Yeah, I guess that's the verb. Yeah. Sorry. That's fine. Please help yourself. What is it if I say can I have a smoke? Yeah, you got any smokes? Yeah, I guess that's true.

What about coffin nails when somebody does that? You got a coffin nail. This coffin nail. That's pretty douchey. Sure. Guy. Hey, yeah. Do you have a history of prankdom?

Being pranked, no. Well, that's not what I was asking. And pranking, no, I don't have a history of that. I've made some prank phone calls in my life. Yeah? As a kid. Good fun? Sure, that. I've made some prank phone calls in my life. Yeah? As a kid. Good fun? Sure, yeah.

And I've pranked phone calls. What kind? That's a lost art, eh? Did you do the refrigerator running or Prince Albert in a can? Those are hacked, Dave. I can't believe you would ask me that. No, there's one I did with a friend where we called up. It was actually quite mean.

Called up somebody, pretended to be really little kids. Nobody loves to be nobody loves you really his dad back from the war and and saying things like you know my parents aren't home do you know where they are things like this and the person staying on the line is really concerned about having this little six-year-old crying about their parents yeah oh jesus That's terrible. I don't want bumpers out there. I don't want anything like that. I don't want anything where I call Erica. I don't even get it.

Well, hey, you get a phone call from a little kid who's scared out of their mind because their parents aren't home and they haven't been home all day. Hey, come on. That would be terrifying. It's nothing to get. Hey, what was that movie where the guy gets the phone call from the person who's been kidnapped? Do you know what I'm talking about? Oh, with Kim Basinger and Chris Evans? Yeah, what is that?

Is it called Cellular? It might have been called Cellular. Have you ever heard of that movie? No. He sees a movie a year. Yeah, I saw the one with the guy in the phone booth. Could have been. I saw the guy in the phone booth. He couldn been. I saw the guy in the phone booth.

He couldn't get off the phone. What was that called? It was called The Guy. It was called Phone Man. It was The Guy in the blank. Now, my prank that I'm not allowed to do anymore because Abby has no appreciation for this was just to hide and then jump out. That's the greatest prank. call that that's the the kato the uh do you ever see the pink panther movies uh with c-part martin and the burger no i remember he would have his his uh manservant kato would hide he just to keep him

to keep him on his toes and every day he would come home from work and Kato would jump out from somewhere and attack him. And yeah, it's a fun... How is that not fun? It's not fun if you're the person being jumped out on. Because your heart will go... You could go into cardiac arrest and die. Anything's possible. You gotta embrace this.

But what a way to go. It's really... It's so much fun to see the person's face. It's true. Those are always the funniest things on those video shows where it's like, you know that there's a prank coming and then the freak out. Yeah. The little scream and stand in place.

The little tippy toe dance they do. Anyway, so yeah, send in any pranks to Stop Podcasting Yourself. We're reenacting it. We're re... Gmail.com. We're rejigging it. We're re... Vamping it.

Vamping it? Yeah. I'm not happy. What are you... Should we just... Yeah, we're an hour 20 in. Yeah, this has been great. Hey, Guy, do you have anything... What's your website should we just? Yeah, we're an hour 20 in. Yeah, this has been great. Hey, Guy, do you have anything?

What's your website? Your blog? What's your blog? My blog, it's the address? Yeah. WSF, this is really catchy. Get a pen. WSF stands for what's so funny.

What's so funny? 1027 FM. Dot. No. Oh, 1027 FM. Dot. No. Oh, there it is. Dot blogspot.com. Let's slow this down and put it in one sentence. WSF1027FM.blogspot.com.

That's right. And you can Google it because, like you, I have the site meter. So you can see where you're getting hits from all over the world. I've had them from Moscow, Russia. You know how the Russia blog reads you. Belgium. Come on. No?

It's tired. It's really tired. Anyway, you can see what they Google to get to you. And some people are actually Googling what's so funny or something that I had written about. Yeah. David Brenner. That's right.

You mostly write about David Brenner. You know, I was looking. I interviewed David Brenner. He was supposed to come to town, and then it was canceled. And I thought, because also here's a- Lack of interest. Possibly. Him and Richard Lewis are coming to town, so I interviewed them both.

And I guess maybe I didn't write it down because it was canceled, so I just forgot about it. But I also put all my transcripted interviews on the comedy couch. Right. Dot com. Dot com. Dot com. And so then I was looking just the other day because I was trying to update it because I have some that I

that have been sitting there for a while I don't have I don't I've lost the David Brenner and Richard Lewis interviews oh really I'll have to find

I'll have to look because uh yeah if you do want to read kind of like really great uh interviews with stand-up comics transcribed uh

comedycouch.com there you have a link yeah to you know tons of them. Yeah. Like Norm MacDonald and Pat Oswald. You write for newspapers, but you also keep a transcript of the full interviews.

Well, you know how that happened is because I used to, well, I would write out the full interview to see what I was going to write about. And, you know, say the full interview was half an hour. That's this big my hands are far apart yeah yeah and then like that michael jordan wingspan poster and then i asked the comedian who did the look at my wingspan thing that was hilarious michael jordan okay go on and then uh so to write a story you know 500 words or whatever they give you, I'm using this much. Now my fingers are very close together. Right?

Like a lady who just broke up with a guy. There's so much good stuff that I couldn't include in the story. And then Reagan Birch got a comedy couch. I said, hey, if you want, I've got these transcripts sitting around. Take them. God bless Reagan Birch. That's right. Sure.

So you can check out the blog, and also each and every week, What's So Funny? Online, you can listen to it. Theoretically, yes. The website to get to it is www.cfro. Oh, you know what? If you go to my blog, all that information's right there.

The blog is the thing. What's So Funny is the show. Georgia Straight is the newspaper. Do you write for anything else? Sure, I write for Van Mag. Van Mag. That's Vancouver Magazine for the layman. If you're a douche, you'd say.

Van Mag 3000. Oh, come on. And then the province. The Vancouver province? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I was a sports reporter reporter i used to write for other

papers you were a sports reporter yeah i was let's do it you're a hockey fan right you'd like this talk about this after really we're wrapping it up come on down this is bonus for the listener all right director's cut uh occasionally i'd have to do hockey. Never mind. That's what he was going for the whole time. If you've enjoyed the show, something that really kind of accentuates much of what you've heard on the show today can be found on a blog that Dave updates every week lovingly and wonderfully at

stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com It will accentuate the S word out of you. And you can write to us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com and phone us at 206-339-83208 It's

206-339-8328 That's 206-339-8328 eight it's uh two zero six three nine eight three two eight that's two oh six three three nine eight three two eight or t or t um and thank you very much everybody for uh listening again the thing i have uh put out to the uh bumpers this week if you have any great office-based pranks i very much need them i you know putting your stapler in jelly, pretending you're Dwight. That kind of thing. I'm desperate. I'm running low and I need

them ASAP. You dress up like Erica. And then do her job for her? You have the same job. I don't know if that's a prank. Is it? Something though. Basis for a short film. But anybody that enjoyed the show,

please do pass it around to your friends because it is the main way by which the show grows. So if you enjoyed it, tell some people. And please do come back next week for another enthralling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. yourself.