Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 555 - Steph Tolev

Episode Date: November 6, 2018

Comedian Steph Tolev joins us to talk ghosting, phone numbers, and voting.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 555 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who really plied his trade on the old jack-o'-lanterns out front of his house, Mr. Dave Shumka. So yeah, we're recording this pre-Halloween, releasing it post-Halloween. Right.

We recorded this pre-Malone, releasing it post-Malone. And I didn't have anything to do with those jacks oh lantern those are those are uh those are store-bought pre-carved i bet you could i bet there'd be a market for a pre-carved pumpkin jacket well i get a monthly box of pre-carved different gourds gourds. Yeah. Pre-carved gourds. It's Gourd Box. It's Jack of the Box. We're brought to you by Gourd Box today. We're brought to you by Gourd Box this week.

You know, if you don't like your gourds, send it back. Yeah. Just you tell them types of, like the episodes of Roseanne you like that had pumpkins carved in them. Yeah. And they'll send you one based on that. You tell them what size of t-shirt you are, that kind of thing. And they will, uh, a gourd a month. A gourd a month.

No, I didn't have anything to do with those. They looked really good. Uh, they are, Abby bought a pumpkin carving kit. Okay. A knife. And a pumpkin. I was surprised. like she she bought these tools and i was like this is what a waste of money and she said that it's the best it's like

got like a something to scrape the inside okay it's got the perfect knife for to carve and it came with these uh like uh stencils yeah sort of stencils that you put on and so you can do a witch or a... So one of them is a witch, we guess. Yeah. And by we, I'm talking about myself and our guest today, a hilarious comedian, a regular guest

here on the podcast, I would say. I think so. Yeah, absolutely. It's Steph Tolle. Yes, thanks for having me back again. Thank you for coming back again hey welcome to canada thank you i it's very nice it is very actually the border guard uh so myself and deborah giovanni drove up from los angeles um because i popped my eardrum if you want to know the real reason let's get to know let's get to know us's get to know us. Yeah, let's get to know us. Okay. Get to know us.

You popped your eardrum. I don't know how Q-tips work. I'm 33. Had a bit of a niche. Went in just a bit too far. You know what my problem was? I bought these leopard print fucking Q-tips because they were on sale. This was in America.

This was in America. They got everything there. You don't need a niche. You just got to get it in there. You got to get it in there you gotta get it and i just went just a whisper to the point where i fell to my knees sobbing like pain that i've never felt in my life oh my god oh my god i feel my ear my feels fine hurt but whatever yeah later that day bit of blood small amount nothing that's canceled the show felt weird about it but but but have you ever had blood out of your ears before never in my life but here's where it gets worse so not so it is weird 4 a.m 4 a.m you're in a

bit of a gurgle i'm like oh no odd sound oh no call your landlord go to my landlord was just breathing in my mouth i uh get up go to the bathroom turn turn the light on, blood coming down my head out of my ear. Oh. I know. How long ago was this? It's been five weeks now. Wow. So I was told, I went to this one psychotic doctor

who's like, can't see and too much blood. I'm like, what? He goes, don't know what's going on in there. I'm like, okay. Go back three days later, he's like,

still too much blood, we got to suck it out. I'm like, suck it out. You got to suck it out. I'm like, suck it out?'m like suck it out suck it out I don't trust this man also it's like doctor I always go to

because he costs 50 bucks he doesn't wear any doctor's clothes he wears a fedora and a bunch of rings I don't even he's just in a garage I don't know who

this man is he's the kind of doctor who's like can just prescribe weed yeah this is just a strange Filipino man

he's wearing a fedora he wears a fedora gold rings we gotta suck it out but there's a straw ban. I can't suck it out right now. Oh boy.

So I went to another doctor and he's like, yes, you perforated your eardrum pretty badly. So you can't fly for six to eight weeks. Oh,

okay. Okay. So that was the drive. That was the drive. And then Deb was nice and was already coming up here. Anyways, she's like,

I'll drive with you. That's really fucking far. And then we did a little mini tour on the way up. So you had already had the show booked here. Yes. That was the original purpose of coming. Yes, yes, yes. So then, where are the stops in between LA and here for shows? We did Oakland,

then Eugene, Oregon. Eugene, Eugene. No. Everyone, I think, still likes Slipknot like it's a very strange little town like every guy we saw three guys that were wearing pants

but then shorts on top like I don't know pants with shorts on top oh okay if you know that look I don't know what that look is what kind of pants like tighter

yeah pants and then like a sport long short like a basketball short okay so it's like maybe it's too cold out to just wear a short. Yes. So they put these.

Like a, like a legging on. Yes. Like a legging. Like a, like a long underwear. Yeah. But it was like looser than like a legging. Like modern baseball pants. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Very specific. Yes. Um, weird people. There are a lot of weird people. It really does say a lot that people are still into Slipknot. It really just focuses you down into exactly.

Well, it's basically people there are still 19 years old. Yeah. It looked like, picture when you went to Warped Tour years ago. All those guys still go into Warped Tour. Like old punks. Old punks. Oh, yeah, old punks. Embarrassing. They're all punks. Old punks. Oh, yeah. Old punks. Embarrassing.

They're all in Eugene. Yeah. Okay. And what type of place did you play in Eugene? We played an old punk bar. We had no clue what we were getting ourselves into, but it was not what we had in mind. It was a very strange turnout. I spent my whole time yelling at the man with shorts and pants.

And then we went to Portland. Okay. And then here. And Portland, fun. As advertised. We love Portland. Portland's great. Portland's beautiful.

And then, yeah, drove back. But Deb doesn't drive and hasn't since she said 1995. She perforated her eyeball. Had an itch. Had to get in there. You know what? It's just one simple itch. Had to get in there. You know what? It's just one sibilant. I've never

had done that. And when I, if I do have an itch in my ear, a Q-tip wouldn't occur to me because I'm like, oh, too puffy. I need something

scratchy. Like a twig. Yeah, or like if I could pull the end off. Forging out front. Like in my mind, I'm thinking like, hmm, maybe I stick a Q-tip

in a pencil sharpener. Yeah. Get rid of all that fluff stuff on the end. So do you guys both use Q-tips? I do, yeah. Okay. Just on my urethra. Just if I have an itch.

Very waxy pee hole. Yeah. Filled to the brim. Waxy pee hole was my favorite vaudeville comedian. I can't now because I'm scared scared so there's these drops that apparently you put in overnight one drop in each year let it harden whatever the wax apparently dries it up and the next morning you take a syringe of warm water and just put it in once and let it drip out apparently it all flakes out oh no no i'm out but i i want fun. I want it to harden in my ear, and then I want to pull out a mold of my inner ear.

Yeah, and then put it next to last year's mold and just see how you've evolved. From what I can tell, these are nightly. These are nightly drops that you're putting in? I haven't done it yet because it hasn't healed fully. It needs to heal. How often were you doing a kitchen? Every single day. You have headphones on.

Is that okay right now? Yeah, I feel like I'm filled to the brim with wax, but no, I'm kidding. What about... Could you wear earbuds? Yeah, I waited like two weeks to wear earbuds. Okay, yeah. But like, can you hear? I can hear fine.

Oh, okay. I couldn't hear the first two days. Wow. Yeah, it was weird. That's really... Yeah, I mean, I've heard of people uh breaking their eardrum but uh how long does that take to to get back six eight weeks six to eight weeks to fully heal but i could and it's still like if i like itch the outside of my ear it still hurts don't

don't scratch don't i have itchy ears i family trait. Is that an allergy thing? Itchy ears? Yeah. Maybe it is. Itchy ears, itchy paws. Yeah. I'm usually itching my paws or my ears. I'm a dog. Itchy roof of your mouth. I'm an animal.

Now, something you were recently doing on Twitter is you were putting up pictures of people that you were talking to on dating apps who ghosted. And I couldn't get enough of this. It's not done yet. It's an ongoing project. It's going to be ongoing because I get ghosted all the time. Okay, okay, okay. What is ghosted?

Ghosted is when someone talks to you for however long and then just out of nowhere disappears. Okay, but it's not something you do in person. It's a virtual thing. Yeah, but it could be in person. One guy i did see once and then he just like oh i love this such fun date let's meet up tomorrow or the next day whatever and then all of a sudden nothing again oh yeah it completely disappears so like a couple guys that were really talking to me for a long time i'm like two three weeks this guy and can't be out of town can't be like saying all this bullshit i'm like

fuck this but i'm probably getting chicks. I'm like posting their real faces at their profiles. Yeah, that is bad. I don't know why I'm allowed to do this. No, I think that's a bad thing to do. It's also like,

go, like they can like go fuck themselves. Also like, okay, well, yeah, a counterpoint. If they're like online,

isn't their face already out there anyways? Like, I'm sure people have screenshot me and been like, look at this fucking troll. Like, you know what I mean? Show their friends. Like, I'm sure people have screenshot me and been like, look at this fucking troll. You know what I mean? Showing their friends. I'm sure you do mean things like that.

Yeah, I do. I'm very mean. Very mean to women. Very mean boy. But yeah, I think you could maybe do that privately and sleep at night. It almost makes me feel better though. And I wanted to start a thing where other girls

can send me guys who have ghosted them, but I don't say who they are I just like publicly blast the guys and getting ghosted it feels very bad right? it feels very bad and also it's just a thing

it's mostly in LA and like everyone's immune to it like the first time I had me in LA all my friends I was on a date with this guy literally two weeks made a plan

it's like 6pm that night I had like 5 o'clock I'm like hey we still need to get up tonight never heard from him again and I was like that is very rude very rude

and I was like this is insane and I told my friends in LA it's like oh yeah it happens all the time I was like, okay. That is very rude. Very rude. And so I was like, this is insane. And I told my friends in LA, it's like, oh yeah, it happens all the time. I'm like, and we're accepting this?

Like, this is an okay thing. Yeah. And I only ask if it feels bad because like, is it, on these dating apps, look,

I've been with my dear wife since I was a child. Yeah. You met when you were six. It's very cute. It was a child groom. And, but like,

is it the worst part of these apps And, but like, is it the worst part of these apps or is it like, is a dick pic worse? Does that happen? Well, on Tinder you can't send dick pics,

you have to give your phone number. Okay. On most of the apps you can't just send a picture. Well, I know,

but you, you have to. Here's my phone number and my dick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually kind of

like getting a dick pic. I like seeing, I like seeing it first. You like seeing what real estate you're dealing with. Especially if it's a gross one. I'm like, I'm not going to, I'm not going to waste my pick. I like seeing, I like seeing it first. You like seeing what real estate you're dealing with. Especially if it's a gross one. I'm like,

I'm not going to, I'm not going to waste my time. What makes a gross dick? Oh, a lot of lumps, a lot of thick veins. I don't like a really thick, like veins that aren't centered,

lumpy. Veins that aren't centered. Some of them are veins that look like it's a dick that's been only walking uphill its whole life. You know, like varicose veins when they're like sticking out. Like this guy's been mountain biking with just his penis. I don't understand. Or like,

he needs to wear some compression socks on there. Compression condoms of some sort. Hey, that's going to be the new ad. Compression condoms. Get those dicks smooth. Smooth out your lumpy dick. With the HD nowadays on phones,

you can zoom right in. And I've seen some things, I don't like the way that looks. Right. I zoom in, that's like a little bump that I don't care for. Okay. Zoom back out and then delete. Yeah, so now we're in a whole new age of the dick pic where you can zoom in. A lot of zooming in.

Yeah. And I zoom around to see what's going on in the background. A lot of loose socks. I just really peek around the bedroom, get a nice look. Is that a carpet? I probably don't want to go over to that place. You know what I mean? Right. Hardwood floors. A lot of loose socks. I just really peek around the bedroom, get a nice look at a carpet. I probably don't want to go over to that place. You know what I mean? Right.

Hardwood floors. Hardwood floors, yes. Yeah, it's a hole. It's a hole. It's a hole. It's a hole. And I look for holes. Got to make sure the deck has a hole in it.

Because otherwise... Yeah, this one seems backed up. Oh, there's no hole. That's why I got a Q-tip I got a lot of Q-tips left over now the ghosting thing

is that's 100% because of these apps that's not that's not anything that used to happen before no well people got stood up

on dates I guess people got stood up but this now there's just so much more of this, so many more options. So I think that's

especially in LA, if one guy matches me one day and wants to see me, he might match up with some bot or some hotter woman the next day and go,

oh, fuck this. A lot of hot bots out there. A lot of hot bots. Why would he? I prefer the bot. I prefer that. Because a lot of guys get bots,

but they don't know and they think and they let on for a while and then it's a on for a while, and then it's a bot. You've never been anything like catfished or anything? So if I'm getting a hot bot into me, is it an actual robot?

Yeah, it's an actual robot that's sitting at a desk. Is it an AI? Or is it someone? It's an AI in a blonde wig, so he's still in character. Or is it some AI or is it someone it's an AI in a blonde wig so he's still in character or is it some troll somewhere it could be a troll somewhere

yeah yeah huh because it's like it's like three really hot pictures of a girl right and then right away

she's like oh you're cute and then it's just like classic lines where it's like and then you realize like five lines in she keeps saying like the same thing

you're like okay wait what like it's like this is so obviously repeat you are cute yeah but I like a dick

without a hole but these guys don't ever they don't suspect something something's too good to be true I don't know

people in LA are so like superficial that I think they just think they can get something better is that why you moved there

that's why I moved there I thought yeah hey hey I have a double chin. Men love that, right? You don't have a double chin. No, I do. I have a double chin. Because you're superficial. I was trying to insult you in a different way.

No, no, I take it differently. Yeah, I don't know why I moved there, to tell you the truth. It's getting a lot. I just saw Graham a couple minutes ago. You got that $50 doctor. The doctor's good. Yeah, Dr. Fedora. Dr. Fedora. I just saw Graham a couple minutes ago. You got that $50 doctor. The doctor's good. Yeah, Dr. Fedora. Dr. Fedora.

I see him too much. I did pay $50 to find out that I had a hemorrhoid from him, and that was fun. Oh, wow. Well, I mean, how else are you going to find out? I thought it was butt cancer. That was the best $50 I've ever spent. Yeah, that's a relieving visit. Was he wearing gold rings during this?

He was, and he had a really hard time getting the gloves over the rings, too. I was like, this is a lot for me to watch. I would put the rings over the gloves. Yeah, like Carl Lagerfeld. I also mentioned having a hemorrhoid on stage last night. Didn't go over well. People did not care for it. I'm trying

to talk about it. Tightened it up. Well, can't go that tight with that guy in there, but I don't know. I was asking if anybody else had a hemorrhoid, and obviously nobody would answer me. Anyone here celebrating a hemorrhoid? Really taking a pool did not work. I think that's how it should be.

Anyone out here celebrating anything? A birthday? Hemorrhoid? Hemorrhoid. Speaking of hemorrhoids. Because I set up all my jokes anybody else here always with the question

I mean yes I do it's a good way it's a good way to get the audience involved yeah your thing you're going to go and do a month in New York

yes to see if you like yes New York better than LA but you before you said that you didn't you didn't care for New York all that much.

I didn't think so. But now I want to like stand-up again. Like I'm going through a phase where I'm not fully enjoying it. Yeah. It's because like every show is like you think you're showcasing for somebody who's in the audience. So it's like it's really hard to work on new material. So like this past couple of years I felt really like stifled. Is there ever anybody in the audience?

Like that, you know what I mean? Like they say. They say someone's in the audience, but then they ghost them. Yeah, yeah. Are they ghosting on your set? What's his name? Oh my God.

Lorne Michaels. Lorne Michaels was there and I am on SNL. I'm proud to tell you guys. I am the new member. I didn't know how you mentioned that first. Yeah. Hemorrhoid first, then SNL.

Always Sunny, the McPoyle brothers. The who? McPoyle brothers and Always Sunny. Oh, okay. The guy who's also in Westworld. Jimmy Simpson. Jimmy Simpson. He was in the crowd once, and I did a really good set, and he came out to me.

And that made it worthwhile. Okay. But what is he going to do? Nothing. Yeah, well, he was Lyle the Intern on Letterman. That was great. I don't i don't remember any of this he spells jimmy wrong okay he spells it j-i-m-m-i cool so it's like it's a

little bit regular jimmy real a little bit hendrix yeah yeah it's a fresh approach to jimmy but uh yeah he's long been uh one of the one of the guys i like he's good he's a nice guy yeah he's a great guy and he liked your set like my set i felt cool about it so there was a there was a night where one of the guys I like. He's good. He's a nice guy. Yeah. He's a great guy. And he liked your set. He liked my set. I felt cool about it. So there was a night where somebody was in the crowd.

I'm also weirdly friends with Anne Heche. Really? Yeah. I just texted her today. Yeah. Is she going to listen to this? I don't know.

I don't know what I can talk about. We met at a show and she wanted to get into comedy and I wasn't on and she's like, can I pick your brain about comedy, I can talk about it. I think it's, we met at a show and she wanted to get into comedy and I wasn't on. And she's like, can I talk, can I pick your brain about comedy? I'm like, sure. She wanted to do stand up for the first time. So she asked to do my show. How long ago was this?

In the last couple of years? Yeah. In the last couple of months. Oh. This is a very new friendship. I was at her house a month ago. It was very strange. Very strange.

LA is a very strange place. Yeah. And Anne Heche, what did i just watch with her in it and it was like a classic anne heche oh i watched a documentary about the making of psycho she was in the remake yes all right yeah yeah um so she's doing stand-up she was trying it out okay this is like i feel like this is a not it's not a completely unique thing because sometimes, you know, a 50-year-old lady will get up and do stand-up for the first time. Sure. And people will, you know, unfairly, I think people will roll their eyes a little bit.

Yeah. But if it's Anne H, people will be like, well, this I got to see. Yeah. And also she did my show that was off of Skid Row. Like I made her come watch it first. I'm like, I don't know if you want to do this. It's your first stand-up set. Like it's literally in a parking lot off Skid Row.

There's rats everywhere. Like it's gross. And then she came. Is it literally in a parking lot? It's literally, it's in a, yeah, it's in a. It's outside? It's outside. It's on a patio.

Oh. It's like attached to the parking lot. Wow. Yeah. And she saw it and she's like, yeah, I want to come back and do it. I'm like, all right. I love rats. She let us advertise us, but everyone thought it was a joke because I put her on the poster. Everyone's like yeah I want to come back and do it I'm like alright I love rats she let us advertise us but everyone thought

it was a joke because I put her on the poster everyone's like is her Aunt Hayes on your show I'm like yeah I don't know

it is it is kind of the perfect person to put on a poster it is because it's also a funny thing to put on why would she be

on the list anyway it's like Curve of the Frog Aunt Hayes yeah and how was the set was it okay? It was okay.

Yeah. It was pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. A couple of stories and stuff. And she was just nervous up there, which was kind of cute to see. Do you think it's weird that there are people like Jeremy Piven or John

Mayer or whatever that they wanted to stand up and you're like, why you've already, you're, I think it's insane. It seems insane. And it was telling me she wanted to do a one woman show. That's why she's practicing. So that made more sense to me.

Jeremy Piven goes up and just sits on a stool and talks about nothing at the improv. So I don't know what. Have you seen it? Not be in trouble with that. I don't get booked there. Anyways, it doesn't matter. Send to my veils for the last year.

Haven't got booked once. Well, we've been told that they'll be listening to this episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's always someone in the audience. I've walked in on it, and it was bad, and I walked out. Yeah. And I've just heard people like,

oh, it's him. I think it's just that comedy clubs are the only place for people to talk. Right. Like, to go see someone talk. It's either that or, like like come to my book event. Yeah. But like wouldn't it be weird if celebrities were like, I'm going to do slam poetry.

And you're like, okay. I mean, I want to see it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I do. I definitely like. Are we cold? Ain't too much mercury. Yeah.

Not what I was told head full of ideas head plugged with hair barry gold hug it out bitch i mean i would really want to see that yeah celebrity celebrity uh slam poetry challenge yeah it's i smell a show yeah get it up there that's as good that's as good a show as is on television right yeah that's as good as dancing with the stars that's as good as uh celebrity roast rap battle whatever that is remember that lip sync show that's still on it's still on hey wow are Are you guys talking about the Tonight Show? No, it became its own show. It was hosted by LL Cool J.

Yeah. Oh, are we supposed to say the letters? I've been calling him LL Cool J. All these years. No one's ever known who you're talking about ever since we mentioned him. Now we know why. Oh, cool.

Dave had a stroke. So you are going to go to New York. You didn't like, what didn't you not like about New York the first time that you went? I was very young and I went to see Rage Against the Machine and it was just a very wild time.

Oh. Well, you went to go see Rage Against the Machine. You were setting yourself up for a wild time. Yeah, we got stuck on the island, couldn't get off. It was a big thing. Couldn't get any water. It was a lot. It was very parched.

I remember being severely parched and mad, and then we couldn't get out. Manhattan Island? No, it was like some small little island that we didn't know we could just walk. It was like a five-minute walk, but we waited for some fucking bus for like two hours, and we were all like, give us water. People were going irate for drinks, and we saw them just walk. It was like a five minute walk but we waited for some fucking bus for like two hours and we were all like, give us water.

People were like going irate for drinks and we saw them shutting down and it was a lot. And then I got in this unmarked cab and I almost got taken away and my friends pulled me out

of it like, get out of here. It was like before Ubers and stuff. It was a lot. Were you like a rock and roll kid that you were going and seeing Reggie? Yeah, kind of.

Also, I do see Zach De La Roche all the time. He's the nicest man in the entire world. Really? Literally, like I was I was working this cafe and I had a bunch of

like fucking plates I was carrying and he got up in the middle of his meal and ran over and opened the door for me and I was like, what?

Who the hell? Nicest man. Well, you're not the machine. He's not raging against you. I just, I guess I I guess I didn't know he'd be that nice. Very sweet man.

I mean, he does. He yells a lot. I think it would be like I would prefer it if it was someone from Slipknot wearing the masks, eating their meal in a restaurant. Do they do spooky voices, or do they just talk

like regular guys? You're a Slipknot fan, Dave. I saw them live once at a festival. Did you really? Yeah, front row. I mean, and then I saw them live 10 other times a private event uh the um what do you go to like a lot of concerts as a as a youth i did as youth yes all all like hard rock kind of stuff punk pop punk then, pop punk. Then I got more into like EDM recently. So I take MDMA and I go see like a,

do you really? I did. I'm 33 acting young. I do go to, I'm going to see death from above. Do you guys know them? Yeah. Canadian band.

Yes. Uh, they're going to be in LA. They're actually going to, they're probably here tonight. They're going to, um, doing a tour down the West coast.

You're going to follow them. Well, I was actually thinking about it cause they're stopping in Portland on Halloween. I'm like, fun, but I have a good Halloween costume. So I can't, what's Well, I was actually thinking about it because they're stopping in Portland on Halloween. I'm like, fun, but I have a good Halloween costume. So I can't. What's your,

what's the Halloween costume? Uh, do you guys watch big mouth? Yeah. I'm going to coach Steve. Oh, cool. It's very,

I'm very excited for it. That's great. I'm very excited for that costume. What do you do? What do you do? Like, are you going to a party? Yeah,

probably just a party. I just like, I love dressing like a man and making other men uncomfortable. Last, two years ago, I was Weird Al. And this guy, the day before, had asked for my phone number. I didn't give it to him. And then I saw him at the bar

and I was fully as Weird Al. So I walked into the bar and I was like, hey, he's like, can I help you? I'm like, oh, you don't want my number anymore? And he's like, Jesus Christ. Like, he was so freaked out by me. Very real costume. Do you do a voice the whole night?

I get into it yeah but I also look so much like the people that I will send you a photo of me as Weird Al yeah I would like to see that it's really good

oh Yankovic yeah oh okay yeah Weird Al Roker that would be a pretty good that would be a funny costume that would be a funny costume

you're Al Roker and it's just a Hawaiian shirt. Hawaiian shirt. Glassy. You have to do that in the shirt. Do you guys dress up? I mean, I don't do blackface. I think I'm going to this year.

I don't know as what yet, but I think I'm going to do it. Okay. Like, I always forget to, and then it's Halloween. Like I forget to put together a costume and then I see other people in costumes and I go, oh, that's a lot of fun. It's a lot of fun. Why didn't I? Yeah.

It's quite fun. Especially if you're going to go out on Halloween. Anyways, it's weird to not be dressed up. Do you dress up with your kids? No. But I probably will. You put something on. Yeah.

You use a dad that just walks around like this. Hurry up. I'm going to get home. I'm an impatient dad. There's a dad that just walks around like this hurry up i'm gonna get home i'm impatient dad there's a hockey game on yeah you walk around with a stopwatch or something like that um yeah i don't know like i'll i'll come up with something i think but like it seems to me that los angeles is like that's a great place for Halloween because there's actual real costumes and special effects people live there. Oh yeah, West Hollywood does a whole thing. It's crazy on Halloween.

All the bars do big events. They have a parade thing. It's a lot. Fun. Yeah. Maybe I should go to LA for Halloween. Guys, I'm driving back. We can all drive back together. We can do another little tour see some death from above

along the way yes do some MDMA like I've been meaning to yeah you've never done it no have you ever done it

no what is the it's the best it's the best you shouldn't do it it's so good is it ecstasy it's like a pure form

of ecstasy so it's not as crazy as a high but you get like so happy but it drains your like serotonin a high, but you get like so happy. But it drains your like serotonin. So the next day you're like so sad. You can come very sad for a few days, but then with that high, it's so good.

You can capture it without getting super sad. But how do you avoid getting super sad? There's these pills that you take, these like D12. The Eminem rap group? I don't think that's the right thing. B12, I don't know what they are. D12. M&M rap group? I don't think that's the right thing. B12, I don't know what they are. D12? You just listen to a lot of M&M rap group.

Lloyd Banks is there. It's just to keep your mental state at the same level. I don't really know how it works. Lloyd Banks, was that the name of one of the rappers in D12? I just remember there was a really fat guy. And maybe he hung upside down in one of the rappers in B-12? I just remember there was a really fat guy. Mm-hmm. And maybe he hung upside down

in one of the videos. Yeah. Yeah. What was his name? Don't know. Crazy Ralph? That was Crazy Ralph for Halloween.

Yes, yes. Again, blackface. We're avoiding blackface. We learned a lot from Megyn Kelly. Oh, man. Yeah, what was that again?

She went in blackface on tv no i don't think so she said on tv that she didn't think it was a a big deal and that now the mbc has to pay pay her full contract amount if they don't want to have her on TV anymore, which is $70 million. Oh my God. What was her costume? It wasn't just blackface. I just saw her in like an Afro and like 70s. I didn't, I just saw like a still image of her. Very strange choice.

Yeah. Very odd choice. Yeah. I would never, like that's just something, like I went as Darkwing Duck last year and I was putting the purple eyes on, I'm like this is almost a lot. But I'm like I have a beak so it's not, but I'm like this is also too much for me.

Abby, I know I bought one of those like dark masks that you can peel off. Like just like a cosmetic mask just to do it for fun and I was like oh i can't can't do the whole face i cannot do the whole face as i'm putting this on i'm realizing this this is not good this is this is uh borderline minstrel yeah the but she said yeah i don't see what the big

deal is about it and that was that was why and, and everybody is like, because it is a big deal. A very big deal. A very big deal, yeah. Not a good thing. Yeah, but I wonder, we were talking last week about what we thought the big pop culture costumes were going to be, but I don't think we figured it out. Well, we'll just have to wait until the day comes. Yeah.

What's Heidi Klum going to dress up as? She always blows everybody's mind. Does she do something good every year yeah she does well this is we're recording this the Friday before Halloween

by the time this episode is done the big cost Heidi Klum will have Klum'd it that's true so like I feel like we're really

this is the wrong time to talk about it why is it when the second Halloween is done it's like fuck you Halloween like we can't talk about it for a long Christmas we talk about for a Why is it when the second Halloween is done, it's like, fuck you Halloween. We can't talk about it for a long, Christmas we talk about

for a while after, but like Halloween, it's like, no, we're done. There's no boxing day of Halloween. There's no New Year's Eve. I just mean in terms of this, like, weird, when we do pre-tape a week ahead, we are, uh, we're out of sync with the time.

I see what you mean. But there is, like, in Canada, anyways, there's always this very stark come down from Halloween, spooky, scary, and then we go right into Remembrance Day week, very somber. Yeah. So it's a weird shift. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But they don't have that in the States, I don't think. They have Veterans Day.

Veterans Day. But they don't get a day the states i don't think veterans day veterans day and then they don't get a day off thanksgiving is their big their big thing they're they're going into the yeah they're going into the planes trains and automobiles season yeah yes that's one of the best movies of all time yeah i still think so i uh yeah i watched it not that long ago and it's still it's still funny it's still very funny. Sad. Great acting. Yeah. Yeah. Why did they only make one movie together?

Well, I don't know. I kind of consider it like, I was thinking about this the other day because there was like Steve Martin. He did Three Amigos with Martin Short and Chevy Chase. He did John Candy. He did... Oh, you mean he kind of toured around. But I think they all did. And I think that's still something that people do now.

You're like, you know, Will Ferrell with Vince Vaughn, Will Ferrell with Ben Stiller. Like, it'll sort of bounce around in these. But like back in the old days, you know, it was like Bob Hope and Bing Crosby. They were like, well, that's a magic combination. Let's just have 20 hope and ben crosby they were like well that's a magic combination let's just have 20 hope and crosby and well and you know uh will ferrell and and mark walberg seem to do that yeah that's a funny relationship odd choice yeah yeah seems weird it works though i've never watched any of it uh what's it called the cop onesough Ones. Yeah, that's really funny. Yeah.

The other guys? Yeah, the other guys. Pretty good. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, you guys, in this spooky season, I thought it would be fun to go to my first escape room. But I didn't do that. Oh, boo. But I think't do that. Oh, boo. But I think

it would be fun to go by myself. Oh, to do solo solo by yourself? No, nothing's going on with me. But I did have this thought because it's episode 555 and I was thinking about how

555 is a phone number. like it's the start of a phone number in tv shows and movies right but the fake phone number the fake phone number but if they made it real like if they made it so you could pay extra to have a 555 phone number yeah what would you pay would you want it would i want like if i could if i could have five area code you then five five five something something something something yeah i think i would do i would get whatever's the ghostbusters phone number in ghostbusters i'm sure that was a five five five you know toll free yeah i would get a toll free number. I should get a toll free number. Why am I,

why am I, why are people paying toll? Yeah. Why am I playing the, the man's game? You're getting all these calls from one 800 collect every day. That was a, was it carrot top?

He was one of them. There were like two or three. Like, you remember those? No, they were like, one three. Do you remember those? No. They were like call. 1-800-COLLECT, 1-800-CALL-ATT. Yeah, and it was a way to call collect,

but cheaper for the person who ended up footing the bill. So if you're at a payphone, you would dial it? It was a payphone thing, yeah. It was like right before cell phones just came in and wiped out the whole pay phone industrial complex. Would you do a 555 number? I think so.

Yeah. At this point in my life, you know, and if it was like an extra $100 a year, I think I would pay. Yeah. Would you do it? 555 number? No, I would change. I don't know if you guys get these calls, but a lot of people say it's a scam call

and it comes up saying scam likely. I want to take that. I want that to be me. I want no one to ever answer my calls. You ever seen it? No, but you should change your name to scam likely. Scam likely. And the first time I saw it, I'm like, this is hilarious.

I think scam likely was in D12. Right here. Oh, no. It says scam likely. It just comes up on your fucking phone it's hilarious it's very fun yeah you see it believe me i do believe you believe me damn it oh no i'm dialing but like if if 555 if like you can't have a 555 number because those are reserved for fake tv numbers yeah Uh, why didn't they do that with email and like websites? Why?

Like, why? Like, shouldn't there be like a special dot, dot, whatever. Fake. Fake.

Yeah. Yeah. Also like, uh, sometimes a movie will have a real number and then you call it and then there's a recording. I think they did it on a breaking bad the vacuum cleaner oh okay number you called and it was just an outgoing answering machine i guess that's fun i guess that's a fun thing to do you know if you've got the number

anyways yeah until you got the time yeah and you want to keep i wonder if you called that one now if it would still be operational like how long now that it's on netflix like well we want to keep i wonder if you called that one now if it would still be operational like how long now that it's on netflix like well we want to keep it going for those people who are just now yeah i mean how many of the uh useless websites you've bought do you still own uh right now i don't think i i only own my own website and uh i don't think I have any of the useless ones anymore. I think they all lapsed. I feel like I was expecting them to lapse when my old credit card ended and then they managed to just like re-up.

So I think I maybe still own fuckjeeves.com. Fuckjeeves. Wow. And lubegababynames.com. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do you have a website? I have a website. Wow. And lubegababynames.com. Oh, nice. Oh, wow. Yeah. Do you have a website?

I have a website. Yeah. Do you ever update it? I do, but I hate. I bought stephtolevishilarious.com, and I'm like, that's just so not funny. When I got it, I thought it was a funny thing to do, and now I'm like, this is annoying now. I can't change it.

Our lady sash wand just got shut down, though. How come? I don't fucking know. He's got some letter. You know, it's over. I'm like, like okay the sketch tube's done sorry allison but did somebody already have steph tolov.com no that's the problem i don't know why i went with that this is funny and i'm like now i hate it yeah because i usually think of like it's it's you know uh when when someone has steph tolov is hilarious.com you think it's, you know, when someone has stephtoloveishilarious.com, you think it's because someone's squatting on stephtolove.com. Yeah, you'd think so.

Yeah, you'd think so. Absolutely not. No. Absolutely not. Could have easily had it. Yeah. And I have this. That's where it is.

That's where it's going to fucking stay. Like the fact that Donald Trump is at real Donald Trump. I love that. Or Donald J. Trump? The real Donald Trump. No, I think it's at real Donald Trump. I love that they could never. The real Donald Trump. No, I think it's at real. I don't follow him, but I do check in regularly.

I follow him, but I feel like I was, I followed him before any of this. You're so, oh my God. You're so cool. Thank you. And now everybody follows him and now it's a big thing. That's all everyone talks about in LA.

Every comic's got a Trump joke. I can't anymore. Do you have one? I don't. I don't like to think about it. I don't want to think about him. I don't like him. I don't like talking about him.

I don't want to. I think about him. I think about him. What's he doing right now? Tweeting. He probably has DonaldTrump.com, I imagine. Do you think? I mean, he doesn't have at Donald Trump, so.

I wonder if somebody's squatting on DonaldTrump.com. I'm sure it's someone who was once like, pay me $1,000, and you can have at Donald Trump, and he's like, don't need it. I refuse to pay and it's worked out yes it's worked out for him so yeah that's me

I thought of that 555 thing a few weeks back and I thought I'll save this so yeah I

I'm still just stuck with my regular phone number which is 604-827-7291 is that your real number nope oh you're really putting it out there i know but someone's gonna get a call and then it'll be a pre-record of you hey i didn't think that far ahead. What's up with you? I go to an escape room. I didn't, but I've been all over the map in the last week. Oh, yeah. I went to, I went and did gigs on the island and had to fly.

I had to fly on the, I think the smallest, not the smallest plane lengthwise, but the small, like you had to crouch to get into the airplane and then kind of walk with your head down the whole way to get to your seat. How many seats? I would say, let's say 20. Oh. Yeah. So small propellers, you had to walk out. Did it land on water? No, it landed on land, but it landed out in the woods kind of thing.

Like not really an airport, more like a strip. Yeah, a strip. And then you go into the airport and there's no, there's just the one person, the person that you check in with at the desk. Then is the person out on the tarmac telling you to watch your head. And then is the person getting on the plane with you and, and closing up the door. So there's only one person at the airport and they're manning everything. And,

and like, if you get on a big plane, there's a big rigmarole about here's where the exits are and everything. A small plane, more likely to crash, I would say. They don't, nothing. There's no security. No, like pamphlet. No, they just go everybody in kind of thing.

Everybody in and everybody out. That's it. We're going to go up and we're going to come down. In case of an emergency, die. You'll die. There's clearly not going to live up and we're going to come down. In case of an emergency, die. You'll die. Clearly, you're not going to live through this. Yeah. So went to like a really tiny little town called Port Hardy.

And like, you know, it was one of those gigs where it was at a hall and it was the whole town was basically like i don't know who missed that show because it was what was happening because after after the show there's no bars to go so everybody just hung out at the hall and just kept drinking after the shows and it was election night all over bc what did saturday saturday yeah and so there was a guy there who was in the running for his local seat. And so we were all drinking and keeping up. And everybody knows everybody by first name. So it's like, well, did you hear Susan got elected down in Elk Creek? Oh, well, she doesn't know what she's doing.

The big debate's at the table. It was great. Did he win? He did. Oh, that's good. He won a seat. It was a great party. That's very fun.

Yeah, it was fun. It was fun to keep refreshing whatever website, I guess, they were looking at. Did you vote? I did, yeah. Who'd you vote for? I voted for this guy on the island. Oh, yeah, yeah.

Well, you've got to vote wherever you're local. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I voted for Bruce. No the island. Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you got to vote wherever you're local. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I voted for Bruce. No last name. Just Bruce. I voted the same guy I voted for last time, Mike, who lives up the street. Because if a guy in your street is running for mayor, you got to vote for him. You got to vote for him.

And then I voted for two people I went to high school with for different jobs. Oh, that's fun. Yeah. Sporting local, it's good. They're all local, I guess. Yeah. to high school with for different different jobs oh that's fun yeah that's it like sporting local it's good the they're all local i guess yeah no i voted for a big conglomerate i voted for walmart yeah i voted for pharma save um there was uh uh like the mayoral election here was very close like it was less than a thousand votes that separated the winner from the second place guy. But, like, there was a lot of fringe candidates that got way, like, if you took out two of them, then that would have opened up the field considerably.

Mike from up the street got 1,000 votes. Did he really? Yeah. Good for him. That's great. And he, and, like, the lead singer of the band DOA, he got in in Burnaby. He's a city councilor now. He's maybe the only city councilor with the nickname Shithead.

Yeah. Joey Shithead. And then, you know, Bruce on the island, he got in. Oh, good. Yeah. We really need Bruce in that seat. But then there was. I'm like, I guess in a small town, it's no question that this is not need Bruce in that seat. But then there was I'm like I guess in a small town

it's no question that this is not your full time job. Like but I don't know if like city counselors do they make a living as city counselors here?

I think I mean I hope so. Yeah. If you're on the parks board do you make a living? That's a good question. And also what do you do on the parks board? I mean a living that's a good question and also what do you do on the parks board i mean we're all pro parks i mean i guess plant trees mow the grass

yeah oh you just become like a custodian yeah the uh the other thing that happened at this show there was a guy that kept kind of heckling not heckling like Boo the show, but he kept yelling stuff out. Commenting on it. Yeah. And at one point I asked him, you alright? I have something caught in my throat. I feel like I could use a Q-tip. Get down there, scrape it out. You got that itch.

Get that itch. I do have these pliers right here. A little bit tempted. But after the show, nobody knew who this dude was in a town where everybody seemingly knew everybody else. And so then it became this big kind of mathematical hunt for who this guy, Tyler, who yelled out during the show was. And eventually they feel like, but it was it was like oh i think he's married to katherine and no katherine's she would never marry somebody like that she's she's great and then it turned out yeah it was a lot of great people are married to shithead yeah and this guy was like we

saw him after the show he had a black eye like he's a guy who's like a regular shithead you know oh yeah and uh his name is tyler is tyler is that a bad i think it's a guy who's like a regular shithead, you know? Oh yeah. And, uh, his name is Tyler. Is Tyler, is that a bad, I think it's a bad name. I don't know. I've known some pretty cool Tyler's. Yeah.

I'm trying to think of a name where it's universally that I've, that everybody I've met is bad, but I can't think of any. Hmm. Steph. Yeah. That's the one. Stalin.

Uh, Adolf. For me, it's Adolf. Um, yeah. so I went there. I went back to Saskatoon. Oh, just like the Guess Whoso. Yeah.

Now, you were talking about going to a punk rock bar. When Graham and I were in Saskatoon, on the street where the theater was, we went to a, first we went to dinner at a restaurant. Yeah. And then we went, well, then we went to a blues bar. We went to a blues bar. And then we went to a dessert bar. Yeah.

We went to like where couples go on dates and have like a decadent dessert. Aw. Yeah. We shared one straw because it's a waste. That's right. Sucked on a paper straw. Shared a straw. The paper straw is disgusting at the end of it. Have you ever been to a blues bar? Yeah.

Yeah. What are your impressions? Just dark, woody. Yeah. A lot of wood. A lot lot of wood a lot of smells that have been there for a long time yes lots of lingering smells yeah yeah they haven't made the jump to like um uh new beers yeah like the beer boom passed them by yeah that's right a lot of cores two of the exact same taps they've had for years. Same old handle.

Yeah. And then like a bar where the fridges are covered in stickers of bands, you know? And I can't remember the name of the big act that was there that night. The Boogie Woogies? Something train. Something rail. Blues rail. It was night rail, night train. Boy, it was.

I've never been in a blues bar before. Really? At to the fairview oh yeah that's right yeah i guess that i guess you have you been to the yale no i don't think i've been to the yale but it's weird it's we were talking about how it's probably the there's not that's not going to be around like that's not going to survive another generation of blues bar. No, it probably won't because those people that are dying. Yeah. That's their thing.

There will still be punk bars. House of Blues. That's still happening. That chain of cool blues bars. Is that Dan Aykroyd? Is he somehow involved in that? I feel like he might be. But like the fact that the,

I feel like there was a big blues awakening in the 80s. Yeah. And that's what it's riding off of now. Off of like, it's. It's just on fumes. Any blues inertia right now isn't coming from, like, the original blues. It's coming from white guys in Wayfarers in 1986. Yeah.

And it's also, you know what's weird is, like, Dan Aykroyd was 22 when he was on SNL. I've always thought of him as like just a 40 year old man. Like even when he was 22 because he had the mustache. Yeah, the mustache, yeah. Yeah, and he just looked. Like can you conceive of him being anything but a middle-aged guy?

No, he's always looked that age. Yeah. My mom sat beside him on an airplane and tried telling him that I was a comedian and he apparently was very rude. Well, really? Yeah, my mom was like, my daughter's a comedian.

He's like, yeah, yeah, yeah. And she's like, all right. And then made a scene. My daughter has a crystal skull. She's had your wine. I don't know what your problem is. Can you imagine a 22-year-old now? Like, I'm a young, up-and-coming 22-year-old comedian with a mustache.

Here's my impression of the president. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's got to be out there. Of course. But it wouldn't captivate the nation the way it did back then. It wouldn't be on primetime television. They'd make you shave the mustache off. Somebody who's like, I'm just going to have a mustache,

and I'm still going to do characters and impressions, and I'm going to be on a sketch show. That wouldn't. No, no, no. No. Oh, no. I don't know. I don't know anymore.

But yeah, House of Blues, that'll stay around forever. That's not going anywhere. Because these bands need places to play they do yeah um but yeah i didn't get to go back to the blues bar unfortunately yeah uh but i will i'll make time i'll make time to go back there one day you're doing a blues tour of canada yeah yeah bars of canada and i just go and i just talk about the history of the blues. I don't actually play. No comedy, no blues. Yeah, it's just a... My poster.

Blind Willie Walker was... But my poster is me wearing sunglasses, playing a guitar. It's very misleading. At our live show, I came up with a list of, in Saskatoon, a list of real and fake blues bands that might be playing there and the only one i remember was the tofer grace band that was real no it's fake

uh i'd go see them yeah if tofer grace decided instead of doing stand-up he was gonna do blues yeah that's the thing maybe if wrestlers instead of starting to do stand-up they want like to go on tours of blues yeah i think i would support that yeah because didn't gene simmons kids do a jazz trio or something like that i'm sure they did too much i know dana carvey's sons are doing comedy now too oh really yeah that's uh there's a lot of, is there a lot more celebrities, kids that are celebrities now? Because I feel like it was Drew Barrymore was the one person who had a famous, and maybe Jamie Lee Curtis. And Bridget Fonda. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Bridget Fonda. Yeah. But then that was it. Right? There were like three of them. Yeah. And now I feel like there's a lot.

Yeah. There's a lot more. John Cleese's daughter apparently there's comedy too oh really yeah huh everyone does she have a mustache she looks mustache bald head exactly exactly she's doing really well good for her um do we want to move on to a bit of business sure support for stop podcasting yourself comes from rx bar whole food protein bars with simple real ingredients you did you know graham tell me more i literally have not told you anything yet i know i want more okay you just like hearing your

name graham yeah hello this is one of the habits of highly effective people. Graham? Yes? I'm going to say your name one more time, Graham. Yeah. No, we have not met each other. Is that correct? No, that is correct.

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No, just eating those ingredients. But if you put them together in a bar, maybe that's very delicious. I mean, two dates, that's like 1 25th of my favorite Adam Sandler movie. 1 25th of my favorite Adam Sandler movie. RX bars are great for breakfast on the go, a snack at the office, and that's it.

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And I was too. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. No. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we, you know, when you hear funny stuff out there, don't just leave it in your brain to rot, you know, get it out, right? Save it for the amount of time you need to save for it, then get it out of your head, free up that space for new memories. And we always like to start with the guest. Steph, you haven't overheard? I do. It's not specifically

hilarious, but it's just an example of how much I hate LA, I think. Okay. So I was hiking up Runyon, which everyone does with their fucking whatever. Me and my cousin, who's from Toronto, who's in town, walking, she asked me how comedy's going. Yada, yada, yada. I'm like, I hate it. It's so overpopulated. Yada, yada, yada. Whatever. Literally, this girl and her friend are walking beside us

with their dog, and she's on the phone loudly with her manager. Clearly hangs up. She goes, ugh, that was my manager. Well, I guess I have to start doing stand-up comedy now. She's going to get me on the comedy store. I think that's what it's called next week. So, and I almost pushed her off the fucking cliff.

I was like, you don't need to be here anymore. I could kill you. I could shove you right off right now. She literally was one pound. Like it was a comedy store. Like never even heard of it before. Yeah. Yeah.

I'm going to do, I'm going to be a comedy store. And even her friend was like, what? Like even her friend was like not? like even her friend was like not even supportive of it it was so insane wow like it was really crazy my manager got me a gig

opening for Anne Heche I guess I yeah yeah it was a nightmare and I was like that's the kind of thing you hear

all the time but it's just like it was like it was just so I laughed I honestly burst out laughing and I was like that's hilarious

that's the exact reason why there's 9,000 comedians because their managers made them yeah and they're clearly not funny

I think the comedy boom is going to stay around forever personally I think it's here I think it's going to stay my agent said I have to do

stand up comedy because I just got a Netflix special or something I don't know I mean Thursday. My agent said I have to do stand-up comedy because I just got a Netflix special. Or something. I don't know. I mean. Yeah, that's what it is. Oh, man. Man, oh, man. Dave, do you have one? Did I do this last week? I can't remember what I did last week. Anyway, I'm going to start saying it. Okay. So the other day i had to rent a moving van and the place you rent it from is a uh it's a it's a storage facility and they just have like four moving vans for rent u-hauls yeah and uh you have to go in person they have an

app but it's garbage i tried to rent once through the app and ended up with no van. Anyway, so, outside the storage facility, they had the three types of storage they do, and this was the ultimate Vancouver sign I've ever seen. And it was

affordable indoor self-storage, business, residential, and kayak. Wow. Yes. I do, indoor self-storage business residential and kayak wow yes yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i do i up until just this moment i always wondered where do people store those kayaks i assumed a garage if you are an avid kayaker you probably have a garage but maybe not maybe you're renting yeah maybe like you guys own kayaks i mean i rent a kayak i do rent a kayak you're renting. Yeah, maybe. Do you guys own kayaks? I mean, I rent a kayak. I do rent a kayak. You're right. Yeah.

But it's a rent-to-own kayak. Yeah. Oh, boy. I'm really paying through the nose. It's one of these do not pay until 2021 for your kayak. Have you ever been on a kayak? Yeah, I've been in a kayak. I've never.

You've never? I've been in a canoe. I've canoed. Yeah. But I've never been in a kayak. I've been in a canoe. I've canoed. But I've never gone on a kayak. I can see you as a solo canoer. In the back with an old dog. Like an old dog. Lay in the blues.

Blues canoe. Very quiet. Hey, that's a new band. We're starting it. We're a blues canoe. Hi, everybody. We're a blues canoe We're Blues Canoe. Hi, everybody. We're Blues Canoe. 23 Skidoo.

I've been in a kayak as a child, I think. I don't believe I've done any like... Peditive kayak? Or voluntary kayak. You do kayak? Yeah, at the cottage. Okay. We've got a cottage kayak.

You've got two kayaks, canoe. We do canoe races and stuff. We get really into it yeah that's the great outdoors it is yeah it's fun do you ever win

at the canoe race I used to win the long distance canoe every year yeah I'd you're oh you're there's a regatta at the cottage

and I'd win every year and my sister would win log sign if you were making this up this would be very fun it's actually it's sickly real I got very competitive

and I'd bring like every year if I broke I broke with my one boyfriend who I used to win with all the time so I had to start seeing this other guy because he's really

muscly I know he's a good canoer so I had to start dating him. Very strange yeah and very odd. But yeah. To build a relationship on canoe ability.

A lot of gold medals for long distance canoe. The most gold medals I've ever gotten in my life. Congratulations. How many won a year? I won for like six years straight. Okay. How many won a year? I won for like six years straight.

Okay. But it wasn't like. I think so. I'm bragging now. I could have been three. With actual medals? Yeah. Like there are

my parents lake the cottages. Did you bite it when you were on the podium? I didn't actually. We flipped the canoe to celebrate. You know,

I probably had to pee so I had to get in the water. It's bad to pee in the canoe. You gotta pee in the water. You can pee from the canoe into the water. Yeah, I do have a huge pee hole,

so it is easy for me just to angle it. While you're crossing the finish line. I'm winning, and I just start pissing. That's how we win. Yeah.

I just piss everywhere and freak people out. It works. It's worked the past six years. Yeah, everybody knows it. And you haven't overhe six years. Yes. Everybody knows it. And you haven't overheard? I do.

And what's your, how did you do it this year's regatta? You know what? Last year was a building year. I started dating a guy who's not very muscly. But he's promising me that he's going to start working out

and we're going to place next year. Yeah, I've been dating this guy. He's not muscly, but I've been slipping him some HGH. A little D12. A little D12, a little MDMA, a little EDM, DFA 1979. My overheard is two guys at the airport and one guy trying to convince the other guy. He says, oh man,

you gotta watch TV. You'd love Law and Order. I mean, if we took the history of TV and boiled it down to one thing, Law and Order is it. Yeah, Law and Order is it. I, Law & Order is it. I still really enjoy that show.

It's a good hotel watching show. Absolutely. It's several episodes in a row. Yeah, that's sort of the downside is you can really lose a day. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The weird thing on Law & Order, the one with Mariska Hargitay, is now everybody else has left the show, so it is really the Mariska Hargitay is now, everybody else has left the show, so it is really the

Mariska Hargitay and Ice-T hour. They're the two detectives now. Is the bald guy still the Dan Florek? He is no longer on the show. They killed him off. They killed everybody off. Dan Florek.

I'm impressed you knew that name. I think it's from so many years of watching. Save that for when we tour with Blues Canoe. That'll be our opening. That would be an amazing encore. Just come out and play that. That would. I will learn an instrument to do that.

I wonder, does that technically count as blues? It's pretty blues. It is pretty blues. But it doesn't have the 12 bar structure. But there's also, I feel like a lot of 80s sitcom themes could skirt that blues line. Hill Street Blues? Hill Street Blues, NYPD Blues. Taxi?

You know, the night court theme. Is is that blues that's more funk i guess yeah yeah whatever that thing is i don't know i think it's just a cowbell uh night court you're watching no i didn't night court it was the show that made John Larroquette a star. Okay, well. Harry Anderson. Go back and watch it. Was the judge speaking of people whose children are doing comedy now? Yeah.

Going back and watching old sitcoms, that's not really a thing that people do. People will go back and watch old movies. I think people are doing, like, I know people do a deep dive on Cheers. Oh, Cheers. Yeah, yeah. I mean, that's a classic. People are re-watching Friends. I just did that.

And? I'm not proud of myself for it. And I watched them all. I watched a lot. I plowed them in, like, three months. I was, like, by the end of it, I was pissed off. I was, like, angry watching. I watched them all. I watched a lot. I plowed them in like three months. Yeah. I was like, by the end of it, I was pissed off. I was like, I was like angry watching.

I don't know why I'm doing this. Yeah. Like there's other things. There's so many better things to be watching. And I'd get furious at Ross and I'd leave my house mad at Ross. I'm like, this is fucking stupid. What's my life?

Yeah. Yeah. It's very sad. I mean, it was great back then to only have Ross once a week. That's true. Just to check in with Ross. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it was great back then to only have Ross once a week. That's true. Just to check in with Ross. Yeah.

Yeah. Just to check in with Ross. But yeah, he was... Bad. It also, the series ended in a very weird way. A slow zoom in the spy hole or whatever. I was going to call it a pee hole. For the reason that really annoyed me.

Just a really long zoom in on that. Yeah. I don't know. It was framed? was framed I don't know why that bothered me but it did but it was kind of like you could tell that the director was like yeah it's not cheers like you can't be like closed like there's no thing

yeah what about that frame that we just incidentally had why don't we have a we have a slow zoom on Gunther? That would have been better. I looked him up recently. He did not age well.

No, it wasn't his job to. That's true. He's definitely still living off of that for sure, though, right? Off of friends money? Do you think he maybe goes around to coffee shops and does appearances? Like, oh, my God. Have Gunther make a coffee for you. Oh, that'd be fun. Ten bucks. off of friends money do you think he maybe goes around to coffee shops and does appearances like oh my god have Gunther make a coffee

for you oh that'd be fun 10 bucks he uh he did like a thing at like they recreated

Central Perk somewhere as a pop up oh yeah and he was at one of those oh that's fun yeah that makes sense

so he knows he knows he knows how to have fun with it maybe he'll try stand-up. Hey, that'd be fun. I'm going to go find him. Me, him, and Anne Hayes are going to go to her.

I'm going to recruit a gunner. This lady says I need to start doing stand-up. Yeah. It's the hot thing. I'm doing it. I have no free will. I like it that people are doing stand-up the same way they do, like, bar class or something. Like, it's just like, I'm just going to do it.

I tried a couple times, yeah. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes, this is a mother-daughter duo that overheard this. Jesus Christ. The daughter flagged it immediately as, Mom, that's totally a stop podcasting yourself overheard. So I was like, well, we'll see.

We shall see. This is while returning our shopping cart to the parking lot corral, my 11-year-old daughter and I overheard a woman several cars away exclaim into her cell phone, Well, I was having a great day until I discovered they charged my credit card $450 for that bottle of wine. They better give me a refund or at least a lot of store credit wine. Wow. Store credit wine.

Did she think it was a break it, you bought it situation? Like no refunds, but. $450 bottle of wine. Whew. This would be very old, I think. Or big. Yeah.

Just a giant bottle of wine. You're never going to finish. It's going to go bad immediately. Yeah. You need a straw to get

it the last parts of it. Oh, yeah. That's right. They're completely banned in LA, I assume. No. Almost. They're getting banned here, but I assume. No plastic straws. They're getting banned here, but I still see them. I still see them too. I used one last night.

Sue me. Yeah. Sue me. What are you going to do? Somebody sues you? Oh, jeez. Oh my god. Jeez Louise. This next one comes from Tom, New Jersey. Quick overseen for you. I found myself behind a minivan with one of those license plate frames that said,

Every day is a great day when you're playing the oboe. Yeah. That's a good way of looking at life. Yeah. It's a good little read that goes in the end. I mean, we've never played it. We might be missing out. Speak for yourself. You used to play the oboe? Yeah, big oboe end. I mean, we've never played it. We might be missing out. Speak for yourself.

You used to play the oboe? Yeah, big oboe guy. Yeah, yeah. Huge oboe boy. What's the best oboe song? Probably the Law and Order theme song. Oh, man. Yeah, it really is.

I've never played the oboe, but I don't even know if I'm picturing a clarinet. The oboe is like, it's kind of like a hybrid. It looks kind of like a clarinet, but it's skinnier like a flute. And then the oboe goes out the top like a stick. Okay. Yeah. It's got sort of like the vein is, where's the vein? The vein's not down the middle?

Yeah. I think I'm going to have to see a picture of an oboe. Zoom in really close. Got a nice look at it. Make sure there's no down the middle. Yeah. I think I'm going to have to see a picture of an oboe. Zoom in really close. Get a nice look at it. Make sure there's no lumps on that. Yeah, I remember I had a friend who played the oboe in a band. And maybe she still does. I'm just going to Google best oboe song.

Best songs for oboe from oboe magazine. We've got tablatures on the best oboe songs. Oh, God. It was suggesting best oboe concerto. I'm not doing that. No, no, no. Pop culture oboe songs. Yeah.

Yeah. Those popular oboe hits. That's what we're looking for. Oboes and popular music from Wikipedia. What do we got? What do we got what do we got boy i think you i think you nailed it with the uh law and order theme song that really is like a it's a strong oboe solo yeah yeah no this is this list is way too long i can't do it yeah i can't do it. Oh, Bo. Bo Burnham had a song called Oh,

Bo. Oh, okay. That's fun. That is fun. This last one is from George in Long Beach, California. He's at a bar in Long Beach,

California, and he overhears somebody say, suck my wiggly dick. Love to see a dick pic of that thing. Love to see that. Wiggly dick. Suck my wiggly dick. That's good.

Yeah, that's new. That's fresh. That is fresh. I love a fresh dick sucking reference. I really do. I'm picturing like when you have a pencil and you're wiggling it in your hand and it looks all rubbery. Or did you remember those things that you, if you like with your hands back and forth, it looked like a little snake. It was like really bright colors and you just go back and forth.

Oh my God. It was like, no, but it was like this really soft, small little wormy thing. And you just like, I think it was called like a wiggle or something like a wiggly dick i don't know what i'm saying yeah tiddlywinks and wiggly dicks uh in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us the phone number is 1-844-779-7631 or one-UGH-SPYPOD1. Like these people have. 555-SPYPOD5. 555-FILK. That was Kramer's number that he get the film time phone calls.

Trying to think of other five. They'll say Klondike 5 in a movie to jazz it up. From back when you used to have to talk to the operator I don't know it's a very specific part of pop culture really not relating

can we move on god damn it I hate the 555 bit hey Dave Graham this is Michael calling from Jackson Mississippi Damn it. I hate the 555 bit. Okay, okay, okay. Hey, Dave, Graham. This is Michael calling from Jackson, Mississippi. I was just at a Walmart here, and I was in the parking lot, and there was a couple driving slowly with their windows down so I could hear them. And the woman, the passenger, says, Greg, Greg, stop.

Greg, my butt. Greg, my butt. And both of their hands were completely in view, so I'm not sure what was happening to her butt, but it was pretty great. Okay. Off I go. My butt is doing that thing again. Listen, listen.

My butt. Get me to Dr. Fedora. He's seen a lot of butts. Big butt guy. I think he lost a ring in my butt. He's got a slogan on his door. Dr. Fedora, big butt guy. Open for buttness so stupid don't laugh at that no it's actually it was great this is great there we go hello dave and graham i haven't overheard for you this is anna in

virginia and i was just at my local jo Fabrics and I overheard two of the employees talking about a customer they had had earlier and the first employee said, did you talk to that lady who was in before looking for the Frozen fabric? She was asking about Frozen, the Disney movie and she picked up the little mermaid fabric and she said, is this Frozen?

Is this Elsa? And the second employee was like, yeah, I helped her too. She picked up some fabric and she said, is this Frozen? The this Elsa? And the second employee was like yeah I helped her too. She picked up some fabric and she said is this Frozen? The one with the big dog? And it was the Beauty and the Beast fabric. Just very very hopeless.

The big dog. That woman's never seen any Disney movies in her life. There's no way. The big dog is Chewbacca. I also any Disney movies in her life. There's no way. The big dog is Chewbacca. Also, is Joanne's Fabrics, is that a,

is that a chain? It must be, yeah. Just such a funny name. Yeah, it is funny. But I do like the fact that she went around to everything that had like, is this Frozen?

No, that's He-Man. Is this Frozen? That's Fritz the Cat. Fritz the Cat. Fritz the cat fritz the cat fabric yeah I'm gonna make my granddaughter some fritz the cat curtains

oh boy I mean alphabetically fritz the cat is the closest cartoon to frozen that's true um yeah like

it's weird too that they would have I guess I guess still kids watch little mermaid and oh and Beauty and the Beast. They don't think that old-timey animation is... But they still make more of it, and there's, like, the Disney princesses as a franchise, as a unit, are a thing.

Like, they're a team? There are, like, different iterations of the disney princesses like you can get all of them as like cute little like chubby baby dolls or oh okay like we have some uh princess uh just a bubble bath oh yeah yeah. That has like literally, well, not every, but like six unrelated Disney princesses on it. So in, they all exist in the same.

Yeah. Universe. I guess. And they're all kind of like equal. Right. Like, you know, Mulan fought like an empire.

Sleeping Beauty slept. Is the Little Mermaid having feet or fin? I mean, in different strokes or different folks. All right. Yeah. Good question. Yeah. And he's no of his legs.

Yeah. I mean, she's a princess no matter what. Yes. Underwater, she's a princess. Her dad's the king, isn't he? Yeah. And then on land, she's just a lady. You should go as King Titan.

All you have to do is spray your beard white. But then how am I going to get it out? I'll get the cheap spray. You wheel around in a wheelchair with a fin on. You have to be real with it. Yeah, yeah. Would that offend people? I don't know.

I mean, it's worth trying to find yeah yeah i mean it's just too juicy here's your final over heard hi jason bram and probable guest this is bridget in chicago and i wanted to call with the weirdest kid in your class is this something we did yes we were talking about that you know the weird kid in your class that everybody had stories about. Gordon Lewis. Tell me about Gordon Lewis. Gordon Lewis would shit his pants every single day. And we were like, Gordon!

And he's like, what? And we'd just sit in it. It was stunk. Stunk. I reeked. You'd see it. What age? What age?

From kindergarten to grade five. No! Constantly shit. Every day. Gordon! Gordon, piss, shit, didn't care. what age what age from kindergarten to grade 5 no constantly shit everyday Gordon Gordon piss shit didn't care

wow you just hear the teacher Gordon like everyday and he did it like he was like I did it again he was like

Gordon Gordon trying to lead a chant oh boy poor guy he was on my baseball team my t-ball team oh boy

well he was sliding into first. Oh, yeah. He was sliding into every base. Okay, so I guess we did talk about this. Yeah, we did talk about this. Maybe it counts as an overheard. Who knows? Let's see.

In fifth grade, there was this kid named Robbie Richardson, and he always looked like he had stuck his finger in an electrical socket because his hair was standing straight on end. Straight on end. And that summer he had, like, run through a clothesline and, like, somehow managed to, like, scar it. But a light bulb, this is not funny, a light bulb in our hallway burst,

and so everybody thought that there was a fire, and he stood outside the door swinging his hips, and his arm is like a windmill shape, and was just yelling, fire, fire, everybody out. Okay, love the show. Thanks, bye. Yeah, that's a weird kid. Okay. Love the show. Thanks. Bye. Yeah.

That's a weird kid. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire.

Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. Fire. fire. fire. fire. fire. good. oh boy every class had one we're good yep

well that brings us to the end of this year's show Steph what's coming up in November what do you want to plug I don't have anything in November

December I have something I'm going home for the holidays and I'm recording another album on December 29th at the Comedy Bar nice

if you're there 7pm p.m., please come. If you're in Toronto. One show, one and done? I'm doing one and done. Nice. I'm trying to do it because I probably shouldn't, but I am. Steph Tolev live. Yeah.

Yeah. We're all live. Fucking up jokes. Doing them again. Making you laugh twice, baby. Yeah. Everybody pretend I didn't just tell this joke. Yes.

Yes. Don't overre react to the just the punchline just I'm making it free like pay what you can too so nice

maybe that helps you know what everyone bring a can for the food bank nice that's a good idea yeah thanks or put money

in the thing for me no yeah food bank is that time of year come on yeah I guess that makes sense um

and if people want to uh follow you online where do they where do they go everything's at steph tolev everything yep except your website is my stupid fucking website steph tolev is hilarious dot stupid i wish it was that not fake not fake um do we have anything we gotta plug in here i just i want to thank everyone for listening and i just think you guys are doing a great job listening yeah you're doing a great job keep up the good work listen on your uh your earbuds your uh your beats by dre um maybe you've got those i was was going to say Dyson. Dyson does hear blades.

But yeah, thanks everybody for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.