Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 561

Episode Date: December 17, 2018

No guest as we talk about Dave’s birthday, the Grinch, and choir fights.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 561 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man, he's a huge, he's a huge fan of Christmas songs, Mr. Dave Shubka. Yeah, we were talking before the show, we're doing this in light of baby it is cold outside. Is it baby it Is Cold Outside?

Baby It Is Too Cold Outside. Yeah, Baby It's Way Too Cold Outside. Due to the fact that that's been banned. Yeah. I guess this is the time of year for snowflakes. Uh-oh, Dave's going to get off on one of his patented rants. Okay. The thing is uh that cadence was a little too cosby it was also it was a little

andrew dice clay all right okay well i mean that's what i'm going for that's my mount rushmore of rants yeah who's who else is it my ramp must for a ramp yeah oh okay so we've already got those two we've got dice clay and cosby cosby uh i assume dennis miller's gonna be on there just the book okay just the book version of the rants yeah and i guess bill maher yeah yeah you know canadian rick mercer oh sure he would. He would always go off on a rant. Yeah, that's true. So, yes, we were talking before the show. The one thing I think about making America great again,

that era, the 40s, 50s, and 60s of boogie-woogie Christmas songs, Jingle Bell Rock, Rockin' Around the Christmas Tree, that can stay that can stay everything else sorry, gotta go we have no guests today just the two of us it's a time to reflect

this time of year and this is not our Christmas episode look at the calendar next Monday the 24th that's when you're going to get all the things we do in our traditional Christmas show. We're going to go caroling door to door.

We're going to do a countdown of the best and worst dressed celebrities of the year. Well, you should just say that for the New Year's Eve one. Oh, that's true, because there's still that week. That one week where they can redeem themselves or unredeem themselves uh we're gonna do coco yeah yeah yeah coco party we're gonna do uh you know um there's gonna be jingles in the theme song yes right that

well that is true uh and then uh you know we'll uh see if we can, you know, we'll, uh, see if we can, uh, you know, dissect an angel. Yeah. We're going to, we're going to do a live, uh, dissection of an angel. Al, uh, alien autopsy. Yep. And the Fox early Fox TV special. And. Oh, wait, I was going to say the band, but it's alien ant farm.

I was thinking about them the other day. Not sure why, but what was the well what did their did their name mean something was that coded was that oh i mean everything's sex right yeah so like an alien ant farm is like a move no i think i think theirs was more of a stoner idea that like, whoa. What if our planet is just some kind of alien ant farm? And did they have just the one hit, which was a cover? No, I think they wrote Smooth Criminal. Does it count if your one hit was already a hit and you're just doing a cover that's a tough one yeah right yeah because uh for sure when i heard for like fred durst and company's uh cover of

faith i was like this will be what they're famous for no i was wrong you were wrong about that really wrong there was the nook and And also, break stuff. Break things. Break things. Break objects. Break toys. Break items. The Christmas version is break toys. Gonna break your freaking kitty cane tonight. Gonna crack

your freaking nuts tonight. They'll put out a Christmas album before they die i think limb biscuit uh-huh i wish i had more uh of their songs too i mean i did it all for the cookie yeah that's a great santa yeah that's it sometimes i've it's why like why does santa go around delivering these gifts all year yeah i do it all for the cookie here's another one that i always thought was really good. Like a Grinch.

Hey, like a Grinch. Hey, uh, not a, not a, uh, a limp biscuit song,

but a Christmas song highway to the manger zone. How about that? That's a pretty good, has it been done? No, not to my knowledge. Well, I mean,

if weird Al hasn't done it, the official troubadour of the spoof then uh it hasn't been done yeah he is uh he's the gold he's the standard bear he really is but i mean anyone can do a i'm sure someone has done highway to the manger zone it is pretty it seems like something that would happen at like a youth group that somebody would do that in the 80s youth group in the 80s i don't know are people still big fans of kenny loggins i mean yes yes good yeah i'm glad to hear it um should we Get to know us. What are you doing for Christmas?

Wait, let's save it for next week. But in answer to your question, leaving town. Yeah. The same thing you always do. Are you leaving town on Christmas Day? Yeah. Same thing you always do. Yeah.

And it's going to be sub-zero temperatures where I'm going. Well, it's zero temperatures where you're leaving. Yeah, but I can deal. I can hang at zero. What's the lowest you can hang at? I'd say minus three. Minus three, and then once it's minus four, minus five, I get real bummed out.

And then I just want to stay in and watch, I guess, the best of the view. What do they play during that? They do, actually, it's like a 24-hour. ABC just turns into the best of The View for a week. 24 hours all day. That's 24-7. Yeah, yeah. Once.

And is it all repeats or are they doing 24-7 yeah they do live 24 7 they're trying to come up with the best they can do they've been phoning it in all year and they really got we've got this last week to do the best this is the best of the view uh just take bits and pieces of it some of it's going to be great don't you know don't hold it against us if if we don't if it's not the best at three in the morning yeah here's a weird a weird thing. If you, we were, uh, the other night was going through the, all the people who have won the Kennedy center honors for the Mark Twain award. So this is a humor prize. Yes. And, uh, we'll be Goldberg one, one year.

And I was like, how many generations back do you have to go where you would know Whoopi Goldberg primarily as a comedian? And be like... Well, she was never a stand-up comedian. No, but if I said, do you know Whoopi Goldberg? To somebody who's like 18, they'd be like, The View. And somebody who's in their 20s, they'd be like, maybe Star Trek The Next Generation. Karina Karina? Yeah, yeah. or maybe sister act

yeah but it's sister act does that count as comedy like in your yeah i guess that counts as comedy because like like how many generations do you have to go back to think of her like her live comedy resume is very short yeah but didn't you do one person show yeah and she did comic relief yeah which is the still the gold standard uh-huh i mean i remember everything that she billy crystal and robin williams did from those shows what what was your favorite oh what uh my favorite yeah my favorite yeah oh i mean it's hard to pick just one. And that was. Any of your top three. Okay. And that was to benefit the homeless? Yeah.

Yes. It was to relieve them. Yes. Or. To laugh with them. Or famine? No, I think you're right. The homeless.

And I think it was started by Bob Zamuda, who was like Andy Kaufman's guy that would also dress up as Tony Clififton anyways this is continues to yeah i guess it still does everyone's amusement confusement so yeah my favorite bit was um they did this bit where okay so whoopi comes in she's she kicks off the show yeah she walks on stage crowd goes nuts yeah like it's this is peak whoopi yeah i mean i'm talking uh the decade where she was at her peak yeah uh ghost yeah jumping jack flash yeah it's her and she she's doing a little takeoff on because she was dating ted danson oh yes and he appeared in blackface at the friars club that's right

and so she put on blackface she comes out well i mean just i'm saying the the idea behind it was not great the execution not great no but the crowd went wild yeah or then robin williams and ted dances uh no sorry billy crystal yeah billy crystal took off his baseball hat for a second okay uh uh and they both were they did dueling dances uh who whoopi and billy crystal or billy crystal robin williams and robin blew billy off the stage. Oh, I thought he just, he blew Billy. Hey. Hey now. What was your favorite? Where Billy came out and did the Jazzman character. In Blackface as well?

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Comic Relief celebrated the best, the best in Blackface. Yeah. Of many, many generations. I mean, the six degrees of Blackface for the comic relief people. It's one maximum. Yeah, there's... And like... What was Robin Williams?

He never did. He would never... He did Old Face. He did Old Woman Face. He did Old Woman Face. He also did Robot Face in that one movie. He did... He did Jack Robot Face in that one movie. He did... He did Jack Disease Face.

Is Jack... Now, what was his disease in that? He ages in a way of where you look like Robin Williams, but you're 10? Yeah, so he becomes a full-grown man. And a hairy one. Yeah. He becomes a suit suit grown man. And so imagine at 10 years old,

you're, you're Robin Williams level of body hair. Oh man. You're sprouting. I don't like myself for saying that, but, uh, like you're four or five and you're getting chesties.

Well, and it, uh, it's, it's i still don't have chesties no i mean either that's and i don't think they're ever gonna come in sometimes like uh you know during the summer somebody will have a shirt open and they'll have like a crazy amount of chest hair and uh i don't know if that's good or not. I mean, I think it's good because grass is greener. Yeah. Hair is thicker. Yeah.

Although I remember like when I was very worried when I was like 12 and I'm like, when is this going to happen for me? I mean, I'm talking anything. Yeah. I mean, not anything. I was having boners on the rag uh my doctor still that's the first question that he asks when he comes in you have boners on the rack but i i remember the time being like the reading the little pamphlet and like if you don't you know start having symptoms of puberty by the time you're 16 yeah you should see a doctor sure and uh and i i i wonder if i should see my doctor because of uh uh no chest hair at age 38 or if i should see my

doctor because of my rapid weight loss. Either or. You know what? Go for one and then bring the other up during the appointment. Last time I was at the doctor, they did have a sign saying, only bring two issues. Yeah. But I think that's true. When are pubes? And what's with the rapid weight loss?

Yeah. Do I have a tapeworm? And is it going through puberty? Does a tapeworm go through puberty yeah i've been finding a lot of pubes in my stool this isn't that kind of show no but we went we went there yeah i mean it's the holiday season so whoop-dee-doo Um, what's new with you? Uh, this past week, December 1st, I celebrated my birthday. Yes. And, uh, what it's you, you do a whole week. I do me.

Yeah. I actually did kind of did a whole week where I was like the day after my birthday, I was like, but it's my birth week. Yeah. Yeah. They don't want to. You do the dishes. Yeah.

I'm going to go ride around the neighborhood in the town car. Something like that. With our driver. Yeah. I, yeah. So my day consisted of Abby took the kids in the morning and I went out and I ran, got to run errands by myself. Which is kind of a treat. You don't have to

normally with two kids is like, well, if you're going to go do something, bring a kid. Yeah. What is running an errand with a kid like? I know from errands, but I've never had to. Yeah, but you've been a kid. Yeah, and I remember them being real boring.

Yeah. But like, what's it like being on the other side? Well, now the world is set up for you to run errands with a kid. You go to the grocery store, they've got a little grocery cart for the kid. Oh, really? Yeah. I don't think I've ever seen that. It says shopper in training, consumer in training.

You've seen it before because we've definitely made fun of it. Yeah, because it's like an ad buster's thing. The ad buster's take on it. I think I've seen a picture of it. I've never seen it. Oh, they're all behind the till. Okay. You can get them.

But they're also, they just make everything harder. Because the kid's not watching where they're going. No. The other people in the store aren't pleased they're not sticking to the list that you made no that's true you're like you're like we're making beef stroganoff you don't need three antiperspirants what do you need for beef stroganoff beef uh-huh then you just let it simmer then you get some big floppy noodles is it is it a noodle one yeah i think it's noodles and beef i think i maybe had it a lot i think it was a real high school cafeteria meal yeah sounds fancy but isn't but but it's a hamburger helper yeah i feel like hamburger helper makes their own fractured take on a strogy.

Now, and then I got to go to lunch by myself. Now this is, this is the best. Lunch by yourself is good no matter what your situation. For tacos, I sat at the bar, I had a margarita.

A fun. The problem is when you're by yourself, I mean, there's no really futzing around. There's no deciding. Like I knew two days before I went,

when I decided I was going to go, I knew what I was going to order. So I couldn't be like, hmm. No, come back in a minute. We're still deciding. So, but like, what do you do? Do you go on your phone? Do you just stare straight into the abyss?

Yeah, you go on your phone. Yeah. Sometimes I like, if I'm at a bar where there's a mirror, I'm like, oh, this is what it looks like when I eat. Because I never eat, you know, except when I'm eating on the toilet. Then I get to see myself in the mirror. They had so many kinds of tequila behind the bar at this taco place and i don't know there's nothing on the menu that says choose your tequila so are people just for show i know but i think there's a there there's a splash of, uh, Sousa. Yeah.

I want, um, two fingers of, uh, Casadores. Is that what people, are you supposed to mix tequilas together? Is that? No,

I don't think so. I, uh, I don't know from tequila. I'm not, uh, not a tequila drinker. Um, but I love it.

Yeah. Is it, would you say it's your favorite alcohol? This is, this is for the record. You know what? It's December right now. I wouldn't touch it with a 10 foot pole. I mean, I had it on my birthday, but, uh, yeah, I, I, it's the only one where i i like the taste right i don't love the taste compared to like uh joe cola yeah like a or a coco or just oh my god well give me that. That would be great if you could just very, like as an adult, just order cocoa in a, you know, in just like a dinner situation.

Yeah. They have, if you go to a coffee shop, the coffee shops around this, around these parts that do like, you know, have an espresso machine. They all have a kid's hot chocolate on the menu where they don't make the milk so hot. So you can drink it right away. So what do you do? Order three kids? Three kids hot chocolate. Do you have like a whipped cream bag there? My kids are crazy about it. They're out in the car, I assure you.

I'll make my own cocoa. Yeah? You make it with milk, right? Or you make it with water? Some people make it with water. I know, right? Are they camping? Yeah, I guess if you're camping,

it's water, maybe from the creek. You're going to get beaver fever. Yeah. But yeah, no, I'll do milk only. Okay. It's not the depression depression have you ever made it with just when i worked at a coffee shop we do experiments with things

like a latte that was all cream you know well when the boss wasn't around make it all cream latte and then put like seven different flavor shots in it try and make something is it no coffee in it no we would have coffee but you know in but no milk just cream just cream just to try and make something so decadent yeah um yeah why not yeah right how delicious yeah yeah drinking a big thing of cream i when abby used to work in a uh hotel restaurant in Switzerland. Oh, yeah. In the summer, at night, I would order a hot chocolate, and they would make it with whipped cream on top and this sugar, or they would sprinkle chocolate

and salt on top. Whoa. And I feel like I've just been chasing that for the last 16 years. Yeah, that's the thing. There's sometimes there's a thing where it's, you've had it the best that it can possibly be. And then I don't know,

like, do you just give up on that thing? Cause you had it, you had it, you did it Swiss chocolate. Yeah. And that wasn't even the best thing from that in the city, but hot chocolate in Switzerland. yeah like you know it's

it's always going to be like there were these all those summer nights there were these they were like it's sort of like a beard papa do you know what that is yeah it's like a cream filled puff yeah uh but they were like a croissant that was filled with, one was chocolate, a shoggy Gipfli. Okay. And a vanilla Gipfli. Mmm. Good? Like, the best.

In the small town of, was it Boltigan? Okay. In Switzerland. Look, if you've managed, if you're going through Bolt again, look for a Gipfli. Yeah. But also, so I've taken many trips to Switzerland. Yeah. And in every train station, there's a Brezelgenig.

Yeah. Which is the pretzel king. Okay. And it's just a pretzel. Yeah. And they have all these pretzel sandwiches, big pretzels cut in half with... That sounds good. With either meat or cheese and just the plain cheese, Swiss cheese, pretzel kunig.

Amazing. That's in like... Look, I'm in Mount Rushmore of foods from Switzerland. I don't know if I would put both Gipfles there separately. No, they could be stacked on top of each other sure yeah they're fucking uh the other night i was at um uh the comedy mix and the the headliner somebody gave her um a chocolate eclair and she she's like i can't eat this uh do you want it and i was like i don't really know if i'm an eclair guy i ate it so fast and it was so good what is what makes

a chocolate eclair different than say a long john which is what i'm imagining it looks exactly like a long john except the middle of it is all whipped cream oh yeah so it was like i i bit into it it went everywhere it was hilarious it was delicious what it was the the weight to calorie ratio of a whipped cream because i feel like ice cream i eat a lot of ice cream yeah and it's dense and it's sweet and you know that it's not good for you no but a whipped cream it goes goes in your mouth so fast yeah but i feel like you are intaking so many calories yeah it's like it's like if you i i mean calories aren't really a concern for me because of my rapid weight loss i'm not worried about having too many the uh yeah i don't know but it was it was like halfway through i was like this is too

this is something that you go and you split you don't eat a whole wait this wasn't sent over by that prankster van wilder was it yeah why i mean that's the name that was on the box and the cream inside did it taste i don't know Well, yeah, now that you mention it, but I just thought that's because... Was he congratulating you for a prank that you did on him? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I hate to tell you. Oh, what? You drank Bulldog juice.

Well, that's what's in Monster Energy drinks, so that's fine. Wasn't that like the urban legend that one of the energy drinks was like bull bull semen or something i mean it's what is taurine yeah exactly what is taurine if not from toro i mean yeah and in meaning just Not that kind of show. So after I had my solo lunch, took a little walk around the block, and, you know, get back in my car. Yeah. And before we went out, we had, Abby and I had been talking,

speaking in French to each other. And that's what we do to, so the kids don't know what we're talking about. And now is this to hide that there's a thing that they want in on? Like a treat? Yeah. Or how we're doing with our Christmas shopping or. This is very handy. Yes.

This is the most handy French has ever come in. Yeah. Oh, wait, sorry. In which French has ever come. It's not that kind of show. But, yeah, so we were talking about this Grinch movie, and I was saying that, oh, maybe today, or maybe tomorrow, or maybe another day, I could take Margot to go see the Grinch.

Right. This is the Benedict Cumberbatch.edict cumberbatch vehicle yeah uh and in french we uh basically described as a the french the green gentleman who doesn't like Christmas. Because you're not going to say Le Grinch. Le Grinch. Because she'll know what you mean. And she'll either know what you mean or she'll get it confused with the ZZ Top song Le Grinch. Le Grinch. And she does love ZZ Top.

Uh-huh. Just as I walked in, she was saying, Le Grinch got legs. He knows how to use them. So, but then I got home from lunch and the first thing that happened was Margo said, brain's got legs he knows how to use them uh so but then I got home from lunch and the first thing that happened was Margot said daddy we're going to the Grinch later

well what was the point of us being in French at all it's uh she's uh she's one of those uh code breakers yeah she's um Windhugger? What was that movie? Yeah, that was one. I was thinking of the Alan Turing one. Was Benedict Cumberbatch in that?

Yeah. Could you name him for a million dollars? Imitation Game? Yeah. Because he's imitating a straight person? Is that what it's about? Is the name a double? Yeah, like a... I don't know. I never saw um is that what it's about is that it's the name of double yeah like i i don't know i don't know i never saw it oh it's good um it taught me how to imitate a straight person hey there and then we went and we watched sports and we enjoyed their the company

of each other while drinking wings and you drank we drank wings but don't question me sombrero how is this grinch film okay so you know what you love about the grinch what do you love about the grinch i love uh his his uh uh his heart's too small yeah that's in there uh he puts an antler on his dog's head that's absolutely in there the dog is adorable yeah one of the best most adorable computer animated dogs up there with the up dog oh up dog what's up dog and the coco dog oh yeah yeah yeah these are great dogs uh not as good as the coco dog though um but uh what uh what else do you like about the grinch um i love i love that he steals christmas that's still in there i love that he uh

that he really concocts of a quick lie to uh fend off cindy luhu uh-huh like Like he says. And Cindy Lou Who's role is what? She discovers him. Oh, she's not trying to capture him? No. Is she trying to capture him? That's part of this. That doesn't bother me because you've got to stretch this 25-minute thing into a movie. That's true. Is any of the songs in it?

There's portions of the song in a Tylerler the creator remix yes yes this is good this is very good this is all this is all all the elements are coming together oh the tall green fellow with this was that a closing credit song no it's in the beginning okay all right um and uh you know what you you know the narration by Boris Karloff? Yeah. Well, how do you feel about Pharrell? The menacing deep tones of Pharrell. And you know, I wouldn't know Pharrell's talking voice.

I didn't know it either. I had to look it up later. And there's times when I'm like, is this Jack McBrayer? And I could see him narrating a children's film. Why not? He's in the Ralph. He's in the Ralph. He's in the Ralph series. Yeah. He's

what is he? The guy who fixes things? Yeah, Fix-It Felix. See? I love that you know all this stuff now. This is great. A lot of these animated movies are really cool for adults, too. Yeah, yeah. That's true. You know, being a geek is actually pretty in right now in comics and whatever.

Comics and whatnot. Sci-fi, et cetera. Yeah. Nerds rule. Yeah. Bazing rule. Yeah. Bazinga. To you. And also, yeah, the voice is Pharrell for no reason.

Yeah. He also, the only time that I've heard him talk was in the Entourage movie. Yep. And he is wearing, that was during his giant hat phase well i don't know if it was during the hat phase i think he wore the hat once and people were like bring it back oh i don't know if your face is recognizable enough so wear that at gray face though net skin hard to put headphones over it for the voiceover stuff but he managed yeah they brought in special headphones with a big enough band to go over his giant yeah the ones you can get at arby's and the voice of benedict cumberbatch he is a he's he's a i guess

he was really doing the imitation game yeah his take on the grinch was that the grinch is american right and he's sarcastic and he ends up sounding like house MD. Oh, fun. Yeah, that's fun. And, uh,

he was, the diagnosis was too much Christmas. Too much Christmas. Take it away. So then, uh, does he do it the same style where he loads us all up on one sleigh? Yeah.

Um, it's good. Like it's, it's fine. yeah yeah it's uh did you you never saw the jim carrey one no i mean yeah i'm glad it exists so i don't have to ever see that yeah because that jim carrey one is nuts it looks scary it's it looks jim scary like i'm the graham it looks jim scary it is jim scary they uh ron howard like talked about it in some interview where they wanted all the characters to have the same kind of prosthetic makeup that he had and so they did up uh the child actor to be Cindy Lou Who.

And they said it was so scary that he was like, not only will you burn the footage, you will destroy that. Like, I don't want anybody to ever see. You'll destroy that child actor? And they did. They did. She never worked again. No, that was it. Except for on Gossip Girl.

Was she? She wasn on Gossip Girl Was she She wasn't Gossip Girl was she I mean I never saw the end I don't know who Gossip Girl was I guess I don't either I assumed it was one of the leads She was Taylor Momsen Oh really

That's right She was a teen star She probably won one of those surfboards At the teen awards. Maybe multiples. Yeah. Where are the Gossip Girl people now? What's her name? Rachel

Bilson? Yeah. She's the Nick. She's on a show where she plays an actress who becomes a detective. Okay. She was on a show where she was a doctor who goes to the country. Okay, yeah. So now she's, yeah, she was on that show.

Yeah. And now she's on another show. But what you need to know about Rachel Bilson, she was not on Gossip Girl. Was she on the OC? Yes. Oh, who was it? Leighton Meester. Leighton Meester.

Yeah. Parker Keister. Well, I don't know what happened to her. She looked a lot like the cheerleader from Friday Night Lights. So I don't know who's who. I was going to say Luba Goy. That's not the name. No, it is.

What was her name? We're old men. Yes, we are. That's true. So who else from Gossip do we so the lead the guy with the eyebrows yep chuck yeah chuck something with those either his character name or his real name yeah and what's he up to uh i think probably hosts a cooking show yeah and what about tall handsome guy from gossip Girl? Was he like the lead Tall Handsome Guy? Or was he like... Because there was a couple that came and went over the years.

You're thinking of Gilmore Girls. Or maybe the OC. I'd be back in the OC again. I think... I want to say his name was Chance Wonderful. You nailed it. Chance Wonderful. You nailed it. Chance Wonderful. Fall.

Wonderfall. And what was, wasn't there like a very, the other woman that was on it? What was her name? It was Leighton Meester. Leighton Meester and the blonde one, Blake Lively. Yeah. She's still around. She's traveling pants.

Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's still around. She's traveling pants. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she's the lead. Blake Lively. Here's who was on it. Leighton Meester. Yeah. Penn Badgley. Penn Badgley, sure.

Ed Westwick. Oh, he's eyebrows, right? He played Chuck Bass. Yeah. Chase Crawford. Chase Crawford. What did you say his name was? Chance Wonderful?

Something like that. Who was the voice? I think that was the- Was Sarah Jessica Beller? Sarah Michelle Gellar? No. No, the voice was- Oh, no, that was another show. Sarah Michelle Gellar No No the voice was Oh no that was another show

Maybe that was Desperate Housewives What was the one where somebody killed themselves And then they were the narrator Desperate Housewives And is Desperate Housewives responsible for All the real housewives Yes Absolutely

As soon as housewives became a sexy thing about town then uh reality television couldn't get they couldn't turn them out fast enough you they've got your new york's your dallas's denver probably not kristin bell was the narrator yeah man she's got her hooks and everything like kristen bell well not anymore gossip girl went off the air last year yeah but you know doesn't she still have uh by the way we're recording this in uh i don't know uh 2013 now when you go to a movie like the grinch 100 kids% kids, 100% families. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now, are kids watching the movie?

Are they crazy? Are they bored? Can a kid watch a whole movie? This is the first movie Margot made it through in the theater. Oh, good for her. But part of that is Smallfoot was so bad. Oh, yeah, I forgot about small she also went to the incredibles 2 which is two and a half hours long so she was never going to sit through that no

but why is that two and a half hours long maybe it's two i don't know still but it uh this was 86 minutes long there's nothing scary and i found the only showing in the city that day that wasn't in 3d because that was important yeah because those glasses are are gonna be on the floor in two seconds well not not that it's just that they're just they don't enhance anything and that's true it's if we're just we're just trying to kill time here. Don't give us an extra thing that we got to. And it's also much cheaper without the 3d. Yeah.

Yeah. It's weird. It's like, it should have been in the reverse. It's seeing it in regular. That should be more expensive. And then if you want to see it in like on the cheap, you have to go see it in three. Yeah,

they should do that. But yeah, so that's that's was that was my birthday yeah okay december 2nd here we go here we go britney spears's birthday she's happy birthday 37 she's a slave for you december 3rd it's whose birthday is it oh i, I don't know. John Legend. John Legend. Happy birthday to you. And a great job last year in Jesus Christ Superstar. Yeah.

You played Jesus or Judas? He played Jesus. Yeah, he was Jesus. Who's Judas? Some Broadway guy. They always give those musical theater roles to broadway guys hey um what do we think about musical theater making such a big comeback i'm for it myself i like i like a show tune i like i like a splashy musical number i like when people were a little

bit it was a bit of a guilty pleasure like no you know i i love broadway but you know who you know whose fault it was hugh jackman oh proclaiming the the musical effect yeah and then everybody's like well if he and then lin-manuel miranda sat down with his pen his quill and his paper his parchment and he wrote or he it's all rap uh-huh I still have not heard any of it. Oh, you've heard my versions of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's true. But it's...

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum. How does a bastard, orphan, son of a whore and a Scotsman. Did I mention that his mom's a whore? She's a Scotsman. Wait, the mom's a Scotsman? Did I mention that his mom's a whore? She's a Scotsman. Wait, the mom's a Scotsman? And her mama went quick. That's as good as any rap that's ever been presented in a theater.

And that's what it is. Yeah. But like, it sounds like I'm sure it's great. I don't know that I'll ever see it, but I'm sure it's great. But it sounds. You gotta. Yeah?

Okay. Before this, before the next Tony's, I'll have seen it. No, you won't have. When's the next Tony's? Like soon? When are you, are you going to New York to see it? No, I mean, I'll listen to the cast recording. I mean, I haven't made it through that.

I will. Yeah, I haven't made it through that. I will. Yeah, I'll listen to it. I'll come back with a full report. Okay, cool. Yeah. For our Christmas episode. Yeah, well, or maybe I'll save it for the new year. For our Tony's episode.

Yeah, our Tony's recap. So, day after birthday. Yeah, no, nothing. I don't know. I don't have a week of things. But last night we went to a hockey game, my brother and I, and the national anthem, normally it's sung by never really a celebrity. Sometimes we get a, there's like the-

There's the local opera man. Local opera man. Yeah. I haven't seen him in a long time Maybe he's getting Maybe his price has gone up too much Maybe he's like him I mean a lot of people

A lot of countries are wanting me to sing their national anthem these days Yeah yeah yeah Lithuania put in a bid And this tuxedo So And Lithuania loves that. And or sometimes it's just a singer. Yeah.

And but last night it was the Salvation Army marching band on the on ice. Yeah. So dangerous. They have carpets. They put down salt. Oh, no, that would be a bad idea. And they... You can't worry about people slipping every time, Graham.

There's a carpet they roll up. I know, but I'm very... The idea of somebody in shoes. And they all had the entire National Anthem written on a note card. Oh. Because they're all... I guess this is what marching bands do. They do the fingering

with one hand and they just they you know get those lips going yeah and the other hand is reading a card but then it occurred to me that like before famous singers and you know, microphones and PA systems existed, the National Anthem before any sporting event was just a bunch of people with brass instruments. Yeah, and maybe some drums. Maybe some drums to round out the sound. Bum, bum, bum, bum.

Yeah, but I've always thought it was very weird, this singing. It didn't ever feel like a time-honored tradition. Even when I was growing up, I always thought, this is weird having somebody, instead of everybody just standing up and singing, having someone lead you.

Yeah. Did I tell you when I was in Thailand and we went to see the Transporter 3. You have to sing the anthem before the Transporter? Yes. What? You never told me this. This is amazing. I'm sure I did.

They have a video that plays before every movie. Okay. And then we also had another movie, The Day the Earth Stood Still. It was a great trip. the day the earth stood still it was a great trip and they uh they play a video with their king their beloved king right he might be dead now oh no but he's still beloved and uh you know a slow motion video of things in thailand yeah and the national anthem plays and everyone stands up. Wow. Huh. That's, I mean,

it takes my, it makes the, before sports games seem almost quaint by comparison. Because like, do you have to stand up on an airplane like at the beginning

of a flight? They should. Love it or leave it. Before meals. I mean, crazy in restaurants if tables were going off at different times it would be like how they have their own

well technically we can't sing happy birthday we have our own version of the national anthem that we do here at the old spaghetti factory hey Canada you're so fine you blow my mind hey canada canada with your many many provinces yeah um yeah but like uh have you ever seen the live the anthem sung by like a famous no no me neither no but still holding out hope it'd be

great yeah who would be your ideal uh the guy from house yeah you lori just coming out just really like a real jazzy rendition i mean i would like the box masters uh billy bob thornton's band i'd like to hear their take on it oh aha i'd like to hear their take on it yeah yeah they're um uh who won the game the minnesota wild oh no there was one portion well there's one point where on the the uh big screen they put up a picture of a little kid who was in the who was who got tickets because he had done he was some deserving kid he had raised money okay and they said uh please welcome johnny lopez and my brother was like i thought they said johnny moped and we thought how cool johnny moped would oh man the coolest kid in school yeah with

the sunglasses his helmet he raised money to buy himself a moped. Give him a hand. Those finger guns going to the camera. Oh, man. Yeah, the, like, we have a, don't we, the Vancouver team has, like, a hot prospect. Isn't it? We have, like, a guy. Elias Pedersen. He's kicking ass all over the place.

Yeah, he's blowing up. And was he like a guy that everybody thought was going to be good? Or is he a surprise? Oh, he's like, we knew this was going to happen. Yeah, in his Swedish league last year, he dominated. He won a golden helmet. That was the thing that I didn't know existed until this week. The golden soccer ball trophy.

Did you know that existed? Enlighten me. Like, I guess the best player of soccer gets it. The best player of soccer. And this year. Or soccer player. This year was the first year that there was a men's and a women's.

And so it was the same person won it? No they made another but it's a giant it's a full-size soccer ball like it's not like a miniature it's it's full size and it's just grass they cut the top off and put so many scoops of ice cream yeah the bananas in it and nobody's allowed to leave the auditorium until you finish it but yeah it was it's easily the funniest trophy that i didn't know existed uh is it so heavy it looks so heavy and it and they they both uh i guess maybe the tradition is that you kiss it that's a tradition with every trophy ah although i have no way to think stanley that you kiss it. That's a tradition with every trophy. Although, no, I think Stanley Cup, you kiss it. You drink something out of it.

The World Series with all the pennants, you scratch your bag with it. Or you put your toothbrushes in it. Yeah. The basketball, that's a big basketball. Yeah. Going into a hoop, maybe? I think you kiss it yeah and then

in the Super Bowl up the tuchus that's why they wear those goggles after the game yeah cut it for a sec don't want to get any of that in your eye

so yeah it was a solid birthday week that's a solid birthday week um yeah that's uh what's what's going on with you um you can stop sipping that drink it's empty yeah but it's still got it's still got this nice orange flavor and a little bit of the cherry flavor it's real nice before the show i make a julius drink it's uh it's really nice it's uh dave makes the best julius's in town aside from the mall the mall still yeah but i make the best pizza dog yeah that's true um did you ever have the hot dogs that are julius like a long time ago

yeah yeah no you've been a vegetarian for a decade but also i don't know more than a decade even what's your when's your um what's the last meat you ate you eat the last time that i like purposely ate meat i'm sure it's worked its way into things you know yeah but uh was popcorn chicken from kfc and i was like i'm done was it it wasn't when it was first introduced by mc hammer was it no no no this is this was like i was uh i was really jonesing for it and uh so i went and got probably like popcorn chicken is good when you have two i think two yeah yeah i got a whole box of it. Of course. Yeah.

They don't sell two. No, but you should give it a dollar and take one, leave one, whatever. You should just have them like four chicken pieces. KFC is like on the Mount Rushmore of final meats eaten. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah like i heard robert downey jr said that like at his worst like most drug addled he ate a burger king burger and halfway through was like what am i doing and then it got clean after that huh like that that was the last thing where he's like why am i like sitting on a curb eating

this like my i could have a whole i could be fucking iron man or whatever he thought in his head and he was right yeah turns out he was right um but yeah i this this uh weekend i went to go see a friend perform in a choir that was singing not all christmas songs but mostly christmas songs what were the non-christmas was this a a religious choir no this was this was a a woman's choir oh now soon they're gonna want to vote yeah that was a big part of it there was a lot of songs about wanting to vote suffrage they sang suffrage at city uh one of the songs that they sang and this is all your fault that i was giggling the whole time was they sang diana crawls yeah it was it in honor of that uh grape that just got uh Was it in honor of that grape that just got dissected?

I was also thinking of that during it. But they sang that. They sang maybe a song from Sound of Music. You know, like a song from The Greatest Showman, I think, was in there. Lots of those. They could, they could like take our word for it. This isn't the greatest showman. Okay.

So like a lot of songs that are good for a choir to sing. Yeah. And then a lot of Christmas songs. And then they brought out quartets and they sang, uh, like barbershop arrangements. And then. How well do you know this person?

Well, he's a friend of a friend. So it was... Dave just did like a swimming head gesture. I mean, the obligation to go to the friend of a friend's choir event i mean i'm sure this is a lovely person i'm sure it was a fine event lovely person it was a fine event but one of the quartets that went up they started singing and right away i was like they're all singing in different keys and they stopped and they what was one of those thing in key largo and the other in montego but it was like they started singing and then they stopped and then there was not so much discussion but kind of like someone whip out a pitch pipe yep and uh they went for it again

and it was way worse the second time like it was like now you're not even hitting the keys that you previously had hit you're not hitting any key so then they stopped again and then you they weren't miked but you could hear them arguing in g that is exactly what she said it's in g and she goes no and then the one who said it was in g's it's in g it's always been in g and they and then they just left the stage oh my god I was like oh that's a fight why didn't they read about this why wasn't this front page news

choir fight choir has calm fight so yeah they left the stage and they never came back they didn't like okay we figured out it was in the key of G and come back. We figured it out. Ooh, I want a line.

How many choir shows do you see a year? I mean, in a good year? Oh, sure. One. The bad year? Oh, zero. Bad year, eight or nine and

one of the songs like how do you feel about I love it can I just tell you this right in advance I love whatever

you're about to say when they my favorite try to update an old Christmas song yeah oh boy by putting in modern references oh it's the best oh boy when uh when michael buble is like fill my stocking with the rolex yeah yeah yeah

so they did one of those they had rewritten their own santa buddy yeah you are my friend and we're straight. But if I touch it out there, you could give me some nicer this year. It was that song, like, bring me a do and a do-do-do, all for the little one Christmas do. You know that one? Up on the housetop. Yeah.

Ho, ho, ho. Can we? This is our Christmas card to you, the listener. Up on the housetop. Hey-ba-dee-doo. Hey-ba-da-doo. And there we go. She changed one of the lyrics.

I don't know what it's about. Probably in the original, like a bunch of jacks and a pony or something she she changed it to being about an iphone with a bunch of apps it made me so mad that's what you want that's what you get given the people what they want now these performers don't deserve any of this. No. That's true. They didn't know the quip master was going to be in the audience. That's true. They didn't know that Jeff Ross himself was going to be there. The quip master general, Jeff Ross. But, yeah, the rest of it was a pleasant affair.

But it's worth noting when a quartet can't agree on the key. That's true. It's not like it took too many meetings to get all 40 of us together. No, there were just four of you. Yeah, there were four of you. And, you know, G, that's a very common key. It's one of the 12. Well, G major is.

Oh, yeah. They got those minors. Maybe that was it. Do you sing anything in g minor you can sing anything in anything it's true uh you can sing anything i do like uh that's again the part of my make america great again stance here it is i like the old toys being mentioned in the songs. Yeah, that's more fun, right? I mean, I'm talking about... Bring me a hula hoop, right? From that one song.

Yeah. Little things that go really well. A lot of being small and... Yeah, runny tum tums. Yes. Rudy toot toots. And runny tum tums. What are you goingot Toots. And Runny Tum Tums. What are you going to do?

What are you going to update that to? Rudy Toot and Fresh and Fruity Breakfast Land. Moon's Over Miami. What do you want? Gifts? This person in the song wants gift cards to both IHOP and Denny's? And on the way to... Wait, wait.

What? More, more... Old toy trains, little toy trucks, little toy drums coming from a sack. Carried by a man dressed in white and red. Little boy. I don't know this one. Don't you think it's time you were in bed? Close your eyes. listen to the sky

is that a peter gabriel it's not a muscuri oh yes the queen of greek christmas um the quip master general of greek christmas the uh On the way to choir show. Was this in a church? No, it was in a hall. In the marine something hall. The acoustics in there are great.

It bounced off the giant novelty boat that's in the corner of the room. Very well. I watched a couple have a fight i have an like an argument on the bus i saw it in real time i saw what caused the argument and then i saw the whole argument as it evolved and uh and i was front row center they were they were carrying on right in front of me and it was the woman was going oh it's always her fault isn't it she was going through his phone and found something that he ought not to have had on his phone and uh she called she what was it i don't know but he it was i couldn't hear what they were saying.

It was all body language. But he right away went on the defense. I don't, how could that, I don't know how that could have been on there. I don't even know how to use that function. Camera.

Presumably. Camera. To receive pictures. The picture receiving device. And, so she, and then she was very mad and he kept but trying to put her his arm around uh was she very mad or was she very i should be winning this yes yes i'm i'm pretending to be mad because that it's a better it gives me more of a like to stand

on yeah i don't really care at one point she pulled out a book and just started reading, which is the ultimate. That's it on the bus. There's no way you're having sex on the bus now. When she puts on her face cream. And says, you go sleep on the other end of the bus. I'm sleeping up here. You go sleep on the roof, buster. I don't want to see your face tonight.

But I've seen couples in fights, but I've never seen the thing that sparked the fight. So that was a fun new twist. That is fun. Oh, boy. What could it have been? And also, why was he so okay with her scrolling through his phone? Yeah, because he's an amateur yeah because he i think he's an amateur yeah i think he's a dumb guy he seemed dumb he was dressed like a dumb guy had kind of

a dumb guy face uh sketch artist is furiously ah yes was this the man yes oh wait make his hat a little dumber there it is makes that a little dumb was he wearing like a winter hat but like wearing a toque but not covering his ears he was he was wearing a like a baseball cap but like not it had like kind of like an army version of a baseball hat i can't really describe it but it was was terrible. It was a terrible hat. During the army years, baseball was played by women. That's true. So I guess it would just be a regular baseball cap. A Rockford Peaches baseball cap.

That's what it was. Yeah. Boy, that guy looked dumb. This guy just had the dumbest face. And you know what? He also had a pretty dumb face. They were a pretty good couple. Yeah.

Well, after a while people stop start looking to looking alike yeah i was hoping that would happen you don't look uh you've been with abby for oh boy i mean you both have glasses 18 years you didn't have glasses the whole time you guys were together so you both have glasses now that's true do you ever trade glasses that's a fun couple no she's got really bad eyes oh okay so it's just kind of bad mine are fine yeah hey you look good with glasses that's that's one of the yeah it's a blessing yeah thanks hey man hey thank you merry christmas hey back at you uh so yeah i got to see some, uh, to get my choir count up to one. And, uh, and yeah, I got to see a couple get in a fight in real time.

Yeah. Yeah. Not instead of not just, did you live tweet it? Uh, no, I should have. Hey, I should have, or, or maybe down a periscope. I had a tweet this week about, uh, uh, George Bush died. had a tweet this week about uh george bush died um uh this uh for the i mean if you want to date stamp it uh george hw bush died that's correct and i had a tweet there was a picture of jeb bush uh and he said uh you know

when he said please clap yes it was him saying please mourn oh yes and uh and my the the caption i wrote was is this someone's idea of a joke it was me who made the joke but i didn't want it felt a little bit bad about it so i thought i would be fake mad did it work it would i got every kind of reaction oh wow from people who supported the joke and were kind of rubbing it in my face because they they thought i was really offended by the joke right and like yeah it's a good joke in fact ha ha ha maybe your side shouldn't be so triggered after all a lot of that and then people from uh the side that was uh actually this is a bad joke and you have every right to be offended by it so everybody in both cases people thought that you were but then also from people who knew i made

the joke they knew you were banksy and they were like and then i forgot that everyone in america is crazy and politically and this wasn't a political joke it was just the one thing i know about the bush family yeah yeah and it was just every like people fighting in my twitter feed and i don't care yeah i'm not from here you wait you waited into a into a political minefield a real firestorm yeah yeah um uh yeah he was it was like 94 he's one of our oldest men yeah yeah yeah he liked wearing funny socks. That binds him and our current Prime Minister. Oh, boy. Should we move on to some overheards? Okay.

Welcome back to WKEP at Night. Up next, looks like we've got a PSA from local forest ranger, Duck Newton. Do I start now? Yeah, lean in, Duck. Yeah, sorry. Okay, I wanted to address the unfortunate situation that Okay. Listen, two people,

good people that I and a lot of y'all have known our whole lives are dead. Torn to shreds by a savage, bloodthirsty beast that defies human comprehension. If you'd like to know more, stop by the Cryptonomica, Kepler's premier museum of the macabre. Come on. We just wanted to warn y'all

to beg you. If you see one of those things out in the forest, don't fight. Don't scream. Run. Run as far as you can. Doc, it's almost midnight. Listen, folks. If you see anything, please go to thelamplighter.org and let us know. And get behind a locked door tonight.

Anything else we need to... Oh, they're leaving. Okay, well, that's thelamplighter.org. And stay safe out there, Kepler. Hello, Maximum Fun. I am Oliver Wong, scholar, journalist, DJ, etc. And I'm Morgan Rold. I'm a music supervisor who loves stilettos.

We host Heat Rocks, a music podcast where we talk to influential artists and scholars about the albums that changed their lives. On our most recent episode, we had the chance to talk with none other than R&B legend Macy Gray about one of her favorite albums, My Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy by Yeezy. We get deep talking about everything from Kanye's college dropout days all the way up to his most recent shenanigans. I just think it's weak,

and I don't think he has to do that, and I was just disappointed. So make sure you, dear listener, are subscribed because you definitely do not want to miss this conversation. Heat rocks every Thursday right here on Maximum Fun. Overheard. Overheards. You know what it is.

I know what it is. But maybe this is somebody listening for the very first time. You don't think so. No. But maybe. Well, don't start with this. But it's a segment we do on the show where we hear things,

then we share them. And no guest. So I can go first. You can go first. What do you want to do? What do we ever do? You. Yeah.

Yeah. You've never gone first in your life. No. You always put me first. I put, yeah. You always put others first. So I was having breakfast in a restaurant. This is a place where they make food.

The moons are over a certain hammy. No, this was not that place. It was a place where you are expected to bus your own dishes. No, thank you. What is this, my parents' house? You take your dishes over to the plastic bin. Yeah. The gray square bin.

Yeah. And you put them in there, but there are also places to put your recycling. Yeah. There is a garbage. Yeah. And there is a, uh,

food scraps. Yeah. Yeah. Your old, your old compost. Uh-huh. So I had my plate, which was empty.

So everything, I knew where everything went. Uh, uh, looking back, you threw the fork in the compost. I know. I was trying to think, did I have anything other than dishes? No, I did not. Uh, uh, looking back, you threw the fork in the compost. I know. I was trying to think, did I have anything other than dishes?

No, I did not. Uh, I did have a coffee cup to go cup, but I took it with me. So I, I, I was standing waiting for the guy in front of me to, to put his coffee cup and lid in the appropriate containers and he was taking forever. And I just saw him go, I always have trouble deciding. And he threw the coffee cup in the garbage. Not true.

Not correct. Not right. And then took the plastic lid and put it in the dirty dishes to be washed. Yeah. Well, he was honest. He was like, I really don't know. This is why I have trouble deciding. Yeah. Well, he was honest. He was like, I really don't know. This is why I have trouble deciding.

Yeah. Just start scooping spaghetti into the recycling. I'm not sure what else you could make out of this. But maybe guitar strings? Maybe you could glue them on a poster board or something like that i mean reduce is there a reduced bin and a reused bin they really should they're gonna they're gonna say it they should do it um i don't think anyone says it anymore i'm often uh when it when it's four bins i need the drawings I need the drawings

to know because I don't know if their cup is a compost cup or if it's a recycled cup oh yeah some places are very they're very proud that everything even our cutlery is biodegradable

if you go to some place like I think it's A&W that just has is biodegradable. If you go to someplace like, I think it's A&W that just has a question on the garbage that says, is this garbage? And I'm like, well, who are you asking, garbage? But A&W will give you fries in a,

like a metal, it's like a little deep fryer basket. Oh yeah. But it hasn't been placed in a deep fryer. And they'll give you your drink in a glass. In a frosty mug. Frosty mug. The best there is.

Mm-hmm. I think in this new, like, new no-straw culture, frosty mugs should be more abundant. I didn't see this thing coming. I'm not no-straw damas. You're going to get a lot of people arguing in the comments on that tweet. Was that good or bad?

I mean, is this someone's idea of a joke? Thank you. Thank you. Let me just absolve myself of any responsibility. Banksy of Twitter, Dave Chupka. Banksy of Twitter. Dave Chumka. Banksy of Twitter. What's up with you?

Don't be overheard. Mine is walking past a boardroom. You were in the office? I was in the office making coffee. Do you remember when you did the same character in necessary roughness no but you you mentioned that movie last week necessary roughness sorry well he's

a team announcer and he does fumble liar fumble ruski uh you know what's weird is i was watching like flipping through the channels and there was an adam sandler movie called just go with it so him and jennifer yeah and dave matthews is in it yeah as an as a guy who's an actor who's an actor guy yeah why does adam sandler do stuff like that just because he can yeah yeah like he's like i like dave matthews i'm putting him in my movie it's like when people are like and desperate for an idea and they're like no bad ideas no bad ideas he's like yeah no bad idea i've never had a bad idea also nico Nicole Kidman's in that movie, which is weird. It's weird to see a fantastic actor acting alongside a guy who's not an actor at all. Dave Matthews?

Yeah. Because I don't think he ever acted in anything else. What would you say if I told you he did? I'd be shocked. Okay. Walking past this boardroom, I heard a woman. I don't know if this is something you say at the end of a meeting or the beginning of the meeting. But she said, when this meeting adjourns, I get pudding.

So, good for her. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is really the season where pudding just happens to be around. Oh, boy. Christmas pudding. What is Christmas pudding? Figgy pudding. Figgy pudding. What is it the season where pudding just happens to be around. Oh, boy. Christmas pudding. What is Christmas pudding? Figgy pudding. Figgy pudding.

What is it? It's a thick. Yeah. It's not a liquid at all. No, no. It's like a dense goo. Yeah, you got to power through it. You got to pound it.

It had some hard sauce. We called it hard sauce? What's hard sauce? Hard sauce was just like thick like glue gloopy well it was like i think it was basically frosting like icing sugar you would frost a pudding this is it would just be like a little side of it okay because figgy pudding or christmas pudding it's not tasty. Oh, okay. It's crushed up, like, things that were already dry. Oh. And then we tried to add life to them?

We tried to liquefy them? I'm not sure. Like, is it... I just assumed figgy pudding was that it was fig pudding. That it was just figs. And that you would have two scoops and then be on the toilet for the rest of the night come on come on you know it's true i am i don't know it's true figs i honestly don't know the last time i had a fig it was in a newton and it was 20 years ago

maybe longer i ate a couple of figs not that long ago it was like i've never had a fig outside of a newton yeah maybe in a maybe in a like a salad with goat cheese yeah there you go but it was incidental it was an incidental fig it could have been a date yeah yeah i don't know why i had a fig maybe because i wanted to experience it outside of the newton and i don't know why I had a fig. Maybe because I wanted to experience it outside of the Newton. And I don't think that I loved it. Have you ever had the other Newtons? No, what are the other Newtons? They had like a strawberry Newton.

Oh, sure. They had other Newtons. It was like when they had other Juliuses. I wonder if the fig Newton was even fig or if it was just, you know. Oh, it's like a nasty apricot. Something they couldn't sell. You know? Bad. This is bad.

Whatever. And then they just goopified it. Let's call it a fig. Yeah. Sounds exotic. You know? Are figs hard to get? I don't think so.

No, I don't think they're hard to get, but I think they're like, aren't they part of like mythology or something? They're from, you know, they're certainly from the Fertile Crescent. And it's just like, it feels like it would be a reward you would get. Yeah. A fig. Oh, dessert is a fig. Yeah.

You know what? I'm on Atkins. I'm on the South Beach diet. Zeus told me not to. Zeus laid down the law. Tell tumble my figs he said uh the other night i was watching jeopardy and the category was mythology and i was like there's no way it's going to be hercules the fucking answer was hercules was it final jeopardy it was final jeopardy it was hercules yeah was the yeah exactly the most famous guy from yeah all mythology yeah who is it then that was the

that was the clue who's the most famous guy from all the mythology and you're like loki yeah fig newton is thor just swedish hercules yeah yeah i think yeah yeah i think Swedish Hercules? Yeah. Yeah, I think you're right. Yeah, long hair, muscles, you know. Hammer. Hammer, you know, on quests. You know,

son of a god. Son of a god. What are the top mythologies that you know of? By the way, Greek and Roman? That's the same. Okay, so... The Romans just put planets and everyone after a planet. Greek. Norse.

Norse. Celtic. Ah! Who were the big players in Celtic mythology? You know, there was giants. Yeah, but you can name a character. Giants, Causeway. Causeway, Giants. yeah but you can name a character giants causeway causeway giant because we have like i could name

a handful of greek roman and oh yeah uh norse yeah um saint patrick does that count sure uh the leprechaun the leprechaun the leprechaun yeah uh the the rapping leprechaun the uh you know there's a like a first nations mythology so there's a hiawatha yeah there's a lot of um there's a lot of like origin stories of uh the crow yeah and how we got the pine cone yeah yeah and the movie The Crow. That's its own mythology. Yeah, well, one guy lost his life. That's true. Giving us The Crow. Yeah. Huh.

If you could pick any movie that you would have lost your life on, what would it be? Oh, boy. Can't be The Crow. It can't be The Crow? Darn. And this is a... Oh, boy. I guess the Aquaman

the Jamaican Aquaman sorry Aquaman the Canadian Aquaman I like the title of the movie is Aquaman the Jamaican Aquaman do you know how I lost my life?

How's that? It was too iry. Oh, yeah, yeah. And then you, what movie would you like to live your life on? You know, Caddyshack 3. It hasn't been made, but I would like to give my life to Caddyshack 3.

Is anyone from the original cast of caddyshack 2 alive who was in caddyshack 2 dan akroyd in the bill murray role okay uh and dan akroyd in the chevy chase role yeah and uh oh what's his name uh was rodney Dangerfield in it? No, there was another comedian. Oh, Jackie Gleason. Not Jackie Gleason, but... Someone. Yeah, yeah.

Jackie Mason. Yeah. Was Judge Smales in it? I don't think so, no. I think he probably was. And the rodent was also in it. Rodent puppet. That's very diplomatic of you.

Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the place. What about our guests? Oh. They left. It's because I didn't introduce them. It's because we never called on them. Oh, wow. You know what?

Next week. Yeah. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org. But, well, you know what? We're pretty full for the year. That's true. That's not true. We're always on the lookout.

I don't know. We share an email account for this, and I don't like that there's like 130 unread. This first one is addressed to Dave Graham and Invisible-O. This is the right episode for that. Oh, I forgot Invisible-O's here. Hey, guys. Hey, it's me. I'm also secretly a zip-recru what they're the same this is a huge reveal

no one likes either so invisible o is zipper crooner i guess so it's a real twist that would be great too as if in movies they show a twist and then it just was written on the screen i guess so how does this feel does this feel good if instead of the like i'm your father it just said on like animal house style and and uh yeah darth vader is luke's father see ya in three years Darth Vader is Luke's father. See ya in three years. That's Louie Louie, please. A fine little Jedi away from me.

In a millennium, I'm fucking across the space sea. This is from Hunter in Seattle. This is a small child. Louie Louie is the official rock song of Washington State. Is it really? I mean, in as much as I think it is. Oh, yeah, sure. Small child in a shopping cart at the grocery store. Daddy, daddy, look.

I'm doing something silly with a banana. And it's important to note that the child did not have a banana, and there was not a banana to be seen anywhere nearby. So this is a kid who's a dap-dad. Knows the business of show. Yeah. Knows the, you gotta, you gotta. The misdirection magic.

Yeah, you gotta, you gotta give the people what they want, but not, not everything. Boy, this guy, Hunter should have waited for the prestige. And it turns out that the kid had an identical twin that was with the nana. Oh, boy. That's a great movie. Is that a great movie? Great twist. It's a great movie beginning to end.

Yeah. Start to finish. Soup to nuts. It's got David Bowie. Speaking of running errands and kids and grocery shopping they in some stores now they have please take a complimentary piece of fruit for your child that's nice yeah and it's if you're in if the kids in the shopping cart just have them work on a pear for 20 minutes while you shop they can drop it you can pick it up.

It's fine. I don't think that fruit has ever been as fascinating and as fun as when I was a kid. I think it's just now it's real. I don't know. We just talked about figs for 10 minutes. It's true. Yeah. And also, if I had to try and take apart a pomegranate, it would probably take me the better part of a day.

I don't know how to eat a pomegranate. I mean, there's a lot of YouTube videos on how to get those seeds out but aren't you supposed to eat the seeds yeah you get the seeds out so you can eat them but you can't just eat could you eat a pomegranate just like a no no i mean if you were a cartoon elephant or something. Pick it up with your big old trunk. This next one comes from Michael in Frederick, Maryland. This is at the airport waiting to board a flight to Vegas. Oh, for the direct

flight from Frederick, Maryland to Vegas? Girl one, I need something to eat. Girl two, go grab something. You have time. Girl one, you think so? Okay. Girl 1, I need something to eat. Girl 2, go grab something. You have time. Girl 1, you think so? Okay. Girl 2, actually, I have olives and eggs.

Girl 1, um, no. You don't bring olives and eggs on a plane to Vegas. I mean... They'll have them when you get there. You know, they're good to have on the plane because they don't stink. Olives and eggs. Two of the most smell- good to have on the plane because they don't stink olives and eggs two of the most smell neutral foods on the planet olives i think are actually fine they they have a pretty uh strong flavor to smell ratio yeah but those eggs i like chewing on an olive day i take back my whole thing about a fruit or vegetable being more fascinating as a kid.

Because an olive with a pit still in it? During the break, you said the maraschino cherry in our drinks before. Best one I've ever had. Was the best maraschino cherry you've ever had. On my birthday, running errands, I went to a fancy store. And they had two things of maraschino cherries. One was $23 one was not

I bought the one that was not I wonder how good those $23 ones are they still had the stems attached oh that's why

you pay the extra yeah you got that stem fee um this last one comes from Shane in Bloomington

Indiana an older man with white hair is sitting in the dining area of kroger what is that grocery store dining area all right yeah that is that's wrong uh with a girl who is around five years old a middle-aged man wearing shorts drinking a 40 ounce soda and looking at his phone is sitting near them he puts down the phone he's drinking a 40 ounce soda. And looking at his phone is sitting near them. He puts down the phone. He's drinking a 40 of soda.

It's just a weird. What is that in metric? I don't know, but it's big. It's a big amount of soda. Yeah. Um, he puts down his phone and,

uh, says to the older man, is that your granddaughter? To which he replied, daughter, actually. What? Was it Mick Jagger? Not missing a beat. So the dude says, wow, really? No offense.

You just look so old. What a blessing. And then they wished each other a Merry Christmas. It's, it's, I mean, the biology of the human man is so different. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. Like, if you found out a 70 year old woman had a baby, you'd be like, ah! But if you found out a 70 year old man was having, like, was fathering a child, you'd be like, ah!

Yeah. It's just a less of an yeah but like you're not you're not because like wasn't tony randall he was still churning out kids at the last and mick jagger had one recently recently within the last five years jesus christ and you know they're all they all just want to get their rocks off these old guys. Ever since Pfizer, you know, provided them with that magical blue pill. It's all just about the bone zone, my friend. And I just look like an image. You know what I mean?

But the thing about, the thing I love about an old dad is being a dad is so hard. Yeah. Being a dad is so hard. Yeah. Being a dad looks so hard. Being a grandfather looks very easy by comparison. I mean, there's a few times when you're like, whoa, where'd the kid go? Okay, well, I'm going to tag out here. But is being a dad as hard you thought it was going to be harder than you thought it was going to be i think being a good dad is very is a lot harder than just being an absentee dad

it's very easy yeah you just hit the road jack don't you come back no more no more no more no yeah yeah yeah or being a rich dad i think it's very easy because you can just hire someone to for those in between times yeah yeah yeah um yeah because like always when you hear like hollywood stars having a kid and they're also working on a movie you're like this is the kid where's the kid uh taken care of this is all taken care of um but it's hard it's hard right it's it's you know what it's all bless it's hard. It's hard. Right. It's, it's, you know what? It's a blessing. It's a blessing.

It's all joy and no fun. And it is, um, it's not hard. It's just, it's, it never stops. Yeah.

Yeah. It's like Margo was going through a, a, a brief four year phase where she needs us to be there until she falls asleep right but there's just not enough time to get everything done then yeah yeah yeah

so it is it's just a question of like breaking your child's heart so you can wash the dishes but like that's part of it right that's like one of the hideous things that you have to do yeah yeah like don't you also have to like let them cry themselves to sleep or sometimes yeah you do ah yikes yeah no it's uh it's tough

it's every every uh it's like everything is weaning it's like oh boy it's hard to not provide you food yeah from my body anymore i presume uh and then it's hard you david fairness you you you cut off your nipples and deep fried them like i also a really messy eater yeah so like i'm like you do you want to you just want to jump on this lobster bib i remember when i was a kid and we all got to lick the bib at the end of the meal l to the b in addition to overhears that are written in it we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 or 1-UGH-SPYPOD1. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. It's Alan from Savannah.

No guests. I was at church this week and I heard a grandma telling her son, it's okay. You can draw anything you want. Would you like to maybe draw Jesus or Mary or Joseph or Brad? Love you guys. Bye. Joseph or Brad? Love you guys.

Bye. It's a descending list of who the kid has a crush on. Has a crush on? Yeah, I think Brad was one of the wise men. Yeah, Brad, Tyler. Uh-huh. Rory. Rory.

Yeah, the three wise men. Hey, I'm Rory. I brought you this myrrh Yeah You don't have to keep it It's just It was a re-gift from my mom It's dumb myrrh Yeah

It's stupid My friend Jed Brad He brought gold Yeah Yeah That's what they brought

Frankenstein Frankenstein And of course Myrrh Myrrh Do we know myrrh? Myrrh is like an oil based frankincense Frankincense is incense Yeah

Ostensibly Yeah yeah it's some sort of smelly And myrrh I think is an oil Yeah which back in those days Very useful for lighting Your menorahs Lamps Lighting a small doobie. Small doob.

Small Christmas doob. Small Christmas doob. You and the angel have a toke. Did we? On a cold Christmas morn. Was Hanukkah around during Jesus? Or did that come later? I don't know.

When were the Maccabees? I don't know. When were the Maccabees? I don't know. They didn't get into that on Friends. There's no message. There's no mention of Hanukkah. There's just a census. People had to go get registered. There's no room at the inn, even for the most prego.

And an all-star carpenter. A guy who won the carpenting challenge. Joseph? Yeah. the most prego. And an all-star carpenter. A guy who won the carpenting challenge. Joseph? Yeah. Joseph was a good carpenter too? Yeah, wasn't he a carpenter? Yeah, but was he an all-star carpenter? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He takes the best to teach the best.

Jesus learned from his dad. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Joe. Yeah. Carpenter Joe. Joe and son. That was where Joe and son, that's where and son came from. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah joe yeah carpenter joe joe and son that was where joe and that's where and son came from really yeah yeah yeah it wasn't but joe and son of god yeah it was very controversial now the immaculate conception graham yeah i was looking up the immaculate conception because you were like then how did how did these babies get into my house? Was it an immaculate conception? No, it wasn't. Oh, I guess I got to pay these bills.

These baby bills. Now, can you explain the immaculate conception? Or at least give me the Coles notes. Angel. Angel comes down, visits Mary. Then tells her, shit's going to start popping off. And then, boom, prego. She's prego?

Yeah. So, according to Wikipedia, and I've been checking to see if this is vandalized for years, the Immaculate Conception is the conception of the Virgin Mary, free from original sin by virtue of the merits of her son, Jesus. The Catholic Church teaches that God acted upon Mary in the first moment of her son jesus the catholic church teaches that god acted upon mary in the first moment of her conception keeping her immaculate so the it refers to mary's mother the conception of mary oh shit not the conception of jesus oh because i always thought

that an angel came down and like whispered yeah be not afraid i bring you good tidings of great joy yeah yeah and whatnot yeah yeah glad tidings of great joy i thought the angel just said scooch or cooch hey mary why are you bugging mary mary yeah um here we go here we go. I don't want to say see you on Tuesday. I can't say that. And her coworker has no idea what she's talking about. And she's like, you know, you know, see you on Tuesday, you know, see you next Tuesday,

see you next Tuesday. And then she says the word and her coworker has no idea what she's talking about. And she's like, you know, see you next Tuesday. Like that song. Yeah. See you next Tuesday.

Like, I think it's like, I think it's a Kesha song. Anyways, have a good gender reveal. Oh, yeah. It's purple. What does that mean? We're having a grimace.

Merry grimace. Yeah. See you next Tuesday. Yeah, but at first she was saying, see you on Tuesday. Which is just, uh, cool. What?, see you on Tuesday. Which is just a quon. Quot. Quot. Quot.

Quot. Oh, I could go for some quot. And you're drawing me a picture of quot. Quot comes in kumquot. Oh, it's kumquot. Kumquot. Quot is the innards of a kumquot. Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm. Okay. Chowing down on some quot is what we used to say. This happened at a mountain equipment co-op. How good is that mountain equipment co-op, the new mountain equipment co-op going to be? They're making it. It's all made out of wood. Yeah.

It looks like it's like a giant cabin they're building. It's going to be such a great mountain equipment co-op. They're going to close the other one. They gotta. You think? This is going to be. You can't have two medical equipment co-ops. In this city? In this climate?

In this co-op? Where else would you buy your cliff bars and mugs? Yeah. And, you know, enamel camp mugs. When's the last... What's the last thing you bought at a medical co-op? A mug. Yeah. And I returned it. Was it too

outdoorsy? You know what? i bought it online and i picked it up in store and then i saw it in store and i was like it's it's you know what it it's the wrong size it's too big too big i needed a on the go mug because i'm trying to cut down on my paper coffee cups yeah yeah yeah that's smart you. But this mug, it was 14 ounces. And mediums at these places are 12 ounces. Larges are 16 ounces. 14 ounces is no man's land. That's true.

And you would feel compelled to tell them it was a 14 and not a 12? It just seemed so big. Yeah. Yeah, fair enough. What's the last thing you bought at a mountain equipment shop? For our American listeners, it's like an REI. What's REI thing you bought at a mountain equipment cop? For our American listeners, it's like an REI. What's REI? It's like a mountain equipment cop.

I bought, a friend of mine was visiting from England, and his girlfriend really wanted like a kind of Canadian, what would you call that, lumberjack hat? Oh, with the ear flaps? With the ear flaps, yeah. That was the last thing. The lumberjack with the cap to match. What is that?

I wanted it to be a Notorious B.I.G., but now I don't think I did it right. Yeah. Is he a guy that sings about lumberjacks? He did once. Oh, really? Oh. I know that he sang about Sega Genesis. Yeah, I think it was that song.

Really? Yeah. Shit. Super Nintendo, Sega Genesis, Lumbercat Match. Here's your next phone call. Hey, David Graham. This is Jessica from Ireland. I am just coming home from college and I remembered I was at a class on Tuesday, and while I was passing through another class, there was a pole fitness class going on in, like, a tiny room to the right.

And so I paused beside it because I couldn't hear anything, and suddenly, just really quietly, I heard one woman say, Love yourself., love yourself. Just love yourself. So I thought that was pretty funny. Yep, bye. I love the Irish accent. Yes. You could listen to it all day.

Oh, boy. I mean, it's... Love yourself. Love. I just flew in from Ireland and fire me arms tired. There it is. Is pole dancing

still a thing people are doing? I mean, pole dancers. Sure. Sure, yeah. They're still doing it. And they got to practice somewhere. I never thought about that. It seems like a physical feat.

Yeah, but could you climb up a pole? No. And have your legs hang off it. Oh, yes. Just on upper body strength alone. Could I go up and do, here'sham clark doing his uh his super patriot canadian flag on a pole and then i swing my legs around yes i could absolutely yeah well that you can do yeah that i could do unfortunately what about you you're gripping with your legs and you're doing arm stuff can you do that yeah you know that i have a weird chimp like dexterity in my feet

just not even wrapping your legs around it just feet yeah it's disgusting the crowd audibly gasps so you do this at a what kind of venue karaoke bar and they have a pole yeah it's a load bearing. You don't bring your own pole? No, no, no. I would never. You don't do it on like a playground where they have a little fire pole? It's illegal.

No, yeah, it's just a dive bar that I hang out at. Yeah. And the guys hate it. They hate that I do it. But it's me, man. That's what out at. Uh-huh. Yeah. And the guys hate it. They hate that I do it. But it's me, man. That's what I do. It's just what I do. You know what?

Love yourself. Love yourself. Just love yourself. Yeah. There it is. Ah. Sorry. Did I breathe on your neck?

Ah. I love our mythology up here Yeah Yeah Giant Dan And Celtic Fred Yeah

Celtic Fred with a bad tattoo Well I guess that brings us to the end of the episode Yeah Fun Do you have anything you want to promote? We have a live show. Yeah. Wow, we are wrapping it up ASAP.

You gotta. Live show happening February 17th. It's Michael Jordan's birthday. Hey. That's at the Rio Theater in Vancouver as part of the JFL Northwest Comedy Festival. Tickets are online. Just Google all the things I said, except for Michael Jordan's birthday.

Do you think Michael Jordan will be able to make it, or do you think he'll be doing other things for his birthday? Or will this be the thing that he does for his birthday? I think his girlfriend got him tickets for his birthday. Yes! Yes! He's a man of many pairs of very very funky

jeans oh yeah and I was going to say shoes oh yeah he's got some great

shoes to go with those funky funky jeans yeah he likes a big jean and a tiny mustache

if you listeners out there if you enjoyed the show why don't you tell your friends about it and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

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