Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 562 - Charlie Demers

Episode Date: December 24, 2018

Comedian and writer Charlie Demers returns for our Christmas episode, where we do our annual Secret Santa gift exchange and talk about a certain panopticon.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 562 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. A very, very special holiday edition. Not just Christmas. We're talking...

Hanukkah is already over. It's over. Kwanzaa. Right in the middle of it. When's Kwanzaa? Right now. Kwanzaa is... I mean, if we keep the Kwanzaa spirit alive in our hearts, it's with us all year long.

Tet. I mean, if we keep the Kwanzaa spirit alive in our hearts, it's with us all year long. Tet. What else is shaking this time of year? Oh, yes. Oh, I nearly forgot. The granddaddy of them all, Santa Dome. Yeah.

The Bunum Carnival. Asking when Kwanzaa is really puts the gong back in Kwanzaa. You'll get to know our guest in a second, but first, he's known for his French puns. With his always, his Santa's favorite elf, Mr. Dave Shumka. I am Santa's favorite elf. What are the, who are your top elves? That one that wanted to be a dentist. Will Ferrell top elves? That one that wanted to be a dentist. Will Ferrell.

Oh, the one who wanted to be a dentist is from Acclamation? Yep. And then the Will Ferrell elf. Elf on a shelf. Elf on a shelf. All the Lord of the Rings elves. And then elf.

And that's all the best elves. Merry ho-ho to you and Yo-Yo. I came up with a very funny Weird Al Christmas song. Basically, if Weird Al is putting together a song line by line, I have a very good line. It's from Last Christmas I gave you. Last Christmas I gave you. I don't have anything for that part okay but the part i do have for is um uh tell me baby do you recognize me no because i am pistachio disguise oh yeah that is pretty good. The lead character from Master of Disguise. Does that movie mean anything to you?

It means a lot to me. It means kind of maybe the end of Dana Carvey's movie career. Was that the last thing that he did as a movie? What was the first thing you did? Wayne's World. Yeah, he did like some in there. He did Clean Slate. He had one where every day he woke up, it was basically memento. That's right.

Our guest today. Oh, yeah. One of our favorite guests. Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey. He's a historian. Not gonna die.

It's Charlie Demers. Hey, sorry for jumping in early. No, no, no. We want you to jump in early and often. I thought you could fake out that your guest was that I was going to be Santa.

Oh, that you were going to be. Yes, and is just, I guess, from a different kind of world that you guys jam on. No, or no instead. But I think Pistachio Disguise, that came out on 9-11. Or like the week of 9-11.

Well, also it looked terrible. Turtle, turtle. That's all I know about it. I know. Turtle, turtle. I only know, like, yeah, I never saw it. But I know it's got a weird cult following of kids who are somehow 13 years old

making memes during 9-11 and knew who Dana Carvey was. Maybe it was that they were filming it during 9-11. There is a 9-11 connection. It either came out on 9-11, they were filming it during 9-11, or Dana Carvey was in on the job. I think it was that, I think it came out, because there was a couple movies that came out that glitter.

And Zoolander, it came out maybe the next week. And that was one of the reasons. It was a box office bomb. Oh, really? I didn't know that it was a box office bomb. What are these, twin towers for ants? Well, they did. I think they had to take the twin towers out of a funeral scene.

Oh, yeah, right. But it was, yeah, it came out. I don't know if it was a bomb. I mean, it must have been a bomb, because you know if they give you a sequel 15 years later, you know you bombed. If they have to slowly tally up the dvd receipts i think that one was it made back its money on dvd rentals alone oh man so funny and then the sequel

as not funny as the original was funny like almost just can't conceive of who that was for like it makes as much sense to me if somebody were to say, we're doing a My Girl sequel. Like, who is supposed to go to My Girl 2? They did. They did? My Girl 2. Oh, veep.

My Girl 2. My Girl 2 was Klumsky, but not Culkin, because he dies, right? Yeah, it was her and a hive of bees in the second one too was Klumsky but not Culkin because he dies, right? Yeah, it was her and a... Spoiler! And a hive of bees in the second one. She moves on. She gets to know the bees. No, it's Jerry Seinfeld bee movie.

It takes place within the same universe. So it is a consistent... That's canon. That's my girl canon. It's the bee movie? Yeah. Not to be confused with my girl canon, which is a canon I use to shoot girls. Wait, you shoot girls with the canon or you shoot girls out of the canon?

I feel like I don't need to finish the sentence. No, that's true. I shoot girls. Yeah, that's right. If it shot girls, it would be a canon. Should we get to Noah's? Sure. Get to Noah's. Charlie? should we get to know us sure get to know us charlie canon is also how you pronounce q anon which is the group i belong to now that's a star trek one yeah

this this star trek pizza restaurant where they sell sex boys. Boy, I am lost. I think I got lost like two references ago. I'm really in the weeds here. Charlie. Yeah. What does Christmas mean to you? Well, I don't know.

This was one of those days I woke up at nine 30 after about six hours of sleep. And then on the bubble about, would I go back to sleep? Like, would I just close my eyes? And I did for what I hoped would be half an hour and ended up being something closer to two hours. Oh, wow. So I've just slept in the middle of the day. And I, so I'm just on like a completely different planet there's no i came downstairs and i thought dave's kids had a um toy pregnancy test and i was like oh is that and then i said to dave like is that a pregnancy doesn't he said yeah

playing along with what he thought was my ridiculous joke. And then I was like, oh, I guess, like, if mommy and daddy are trying to have a second kid. You're a pee on this toy. Yeah, we also have a doll that pees on the toy. Yeah. He's like, that's a thermometer. So that's where I feel like Emma had's where i feel they really do need to expand the kid doctor kit because you get the stethoscope right you get the thermometer get

the little hammer you get a little hammer and the thing to look through and look into eyes you get the little um blood pressure monitor get some epinephrine yeah pre-loaded epinephrine needles but they could do you know like opioid pamphlets like opioid swag oh yeah teen pregnancy pamphlets mostly pamphlets that's what my doctor does they have like

a backpack that says oxycontin on it I got that for free. From like some kind of drug conference? Yeah. Yeah,

they fly out kids on like baby doctor junkets. Yeah, when I go to the doctor I'm always like, I have like

real problems and he's just like, Dave, here's a pamphlet on gonorrhea. Yeah. And a handful of fentanyl. And he's just like, Dave, here's a pamphlet. Here's a pamphlet. On gonorrhea. Yeah. And a handful of fentanyl.

Do you ever see somebody walking around wearing something that's obviously a swag item? And you're like, it's not, a lot of times it's not a nice enough bag or garment to justify wearing you know lexa pro or bury me in my special k windbreaker around here i see a lot of like uh i was on the visual effects crew for oh yeah yeah sure but like that movie came out 12 years ago. if you're still wearing your are we there yet toque. Yeah. Although,

isn't there a point where it comes around and it's like, oh, that's pretty great that you've got an are we there yet toque. Yes,

of course. My girl too, pants. Pants. They handed out pants to the crew. This was very difficult Because we had to go

At everybody's sizes Well we ended up Just going with A parachute pant Drawstring waist And Round thing in your face There's a store

Somebody pointed out To me That's a one That they They carry One size fits all Garments That's not good are they all gloves

it was a glove store yeah earmuffs it's a glove store it's called if the glove don't fit get out of here but uh one size fits all gar that a, like, is that not a recipe for disaster? Oh, like a lawsuit. Yeah. Like I was told. Your honor. Yeah. I'm always so in awe of the courage of the people who will sue over a thing like that.

And be like, make sense. For everybody. Is that an octopus that he has coming up? Where are the other six legs on these pants, your honor? Because I never fit in fits everybody stuff, but you'd never hear that from me. I'm the last

person who'd tell you. Charlie, that looks great. You look great in your pants. My girl. It turned him into a couple of my girl threes on me um uh we have you been on since your book your latest book came out you know you were on our live episode around the time and then we didn't release it for months and months oh yeah that's

right i because i somehow got every normally i record a live episode on one just one recorder but a recorder didn't work for whatever reason and i was sent but they recorded it off the board but they recorded literally like 12 microphones so i was sent like the audience left audience right oh you put it together real like Kiss Alive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like an immersive podcast experience. It's like it's in 5.1.

Yeah. It's already more sophisticated sound recording than anybody's comedy now. Just everything through the mic on stage. Folks, if you could laugh a little louder uh that would be help no no i think this has been the this might be the longest stretch uh spy list for me i think oh really uh but yeah i had a book come out um and and it's so good thank you very much yeah and uh people can pick it up for if you're doing any last minute ukrainian christmas shopping you've gone until the sixth is epiphany i think there's a lot of like uh people who can you know

listen to this episode realize oh i forgot to get something for the charlie demers fan in my life yeah exactly and go to the amazon's out of my girl two pants. But like, it's the 24th. You got to go in person. You got to go get. Yeah. You know, you got to go to your local, you know, Hudson News. Yeah.

Your Hudson News. Your Smith books. Your Walden. Are you, just, there was a list today that came out. It was the top BC, books by BC BC writers and you were on that list. Yeah, that was, it was, uh, that was very sweet of, um, uh, Grant Lawrence, I think wrote that. Yeah. And, uh, it was nice because the other books on that list are very good.

So then I felt like, okay, he's not just. Did we say the name of your book? It's called Property Values. Okay, he's not just... Did we say the name of your book? It's called Property Values. And it is... It came out last spring in Canada and earlier this fall in the States.

And because of Trump's tariffs on searing literary fun. Okay. And so, yeah, you can pick it up. I'd encourage it. Yeah. I would also encourage it. It makes a great New Year's gift.

Yeah. It's a great New Year's gift. And right now we're in the midst of, it's been optioned by Hollywood. The whole town got together. Yeah. Did they call? Did Hollywood call you? Yeah.

Awesome. Kind of. I mean, that's Colleywood call you? Yeah. Awesome. Kind of. I mean, that's not an option, really. No. It sounds like a mandatory. Yeah, yeah. They've compelled the book. And so I'm at work right now adapting it with my friend Ryan Knight knighton who is a screenwriter um who's based here in vancouver but

um works a lot uh in in the states and and we are uh doing it for um a production company in los angeles and that's so nice yeah i'm gonna have to join the the writers guild of america really cool here come the screeners yeah it's not exactly'm going to have all kinds of screeners you'll probably get looping back you'll probably get some swag you'll probably get because they send out the packets and they

remember we got that one how did we get our hands on it? for FX? are you in the Writers Guild of America? no but we did a few ads for a show on fx that was very funny with the jay baruchel yeah simon rich per single person looking or something like that it's canceled because we couldn't remember the name of it but then they also sent us like this huge pack of um it's always sunny philadelphia stuff and it was like like a whole like like

posters and there's just a lot of stuff. By the way, if anyone listening wants to sponsor the show thank you. We're spoken for. No, but like we are such like podunk small town podcasters that we're like impressed by

you guys have a marketing team? They sent us a windbreaker and when I joined the Writers Guild of Canada, they just send you all, you know, this hour has seven days, kind of hard hitting, black and white newsreel. I just, this hour is 22 minutes. You're in the This Hour is 22 Minutes family. And that means you can't have sex with Mark Gritch. Well, watch me try once we've had a few. You know what I mean?

Graham's kind of an in-law. Yeah, yeah. I'm like a cousin that you're not sure, you know. We're not sure who the dad is. And, like, now, like, so This this hour is 22 minutes was a play on the name. This hour has seven days, which was a weekly news show on CBC in like the sixties or seventies. Yeah. But it like, now this hour is 22 minutes has been on the air for like 26 years or something like that.

Yeah. Nobody remembers the referent. No. this has been on the air for like 26 years or something like that yeah yeah nobody remembers the referent no the so it's like when uh the comedy network for a year their slogan was because i remember ian boothby pointed this out where he's like your slogan which was time well wasted oh yeah right your slogan is a play on an a and e slogan from 20 years ago. A&E was already doing like duck hunting shows and Comedy Network like, you might say it's time well wasted. You might say we've found the beef.

This is a modern Chinese secret. this is a modern chinese secret that's weird because the other night i watched um airport which is the the movie those channels i get them now too because december is a free preview on the movie channel by decade so i watched airport which airplane is way more famous than the series totally and then with the clothed gun and cold shots but the watching it i was like oh this is like literally they literally just rewrote that script like it's all the bits are in that movie but i didn't i've only ever seen airplane all these years i feel like spoofs have been killed by the like atomization and fracturing of the media landscape because like you can't make a

spoof anymore because who's seen any of the same movies? Yeah. It's like, you could probably still do like Avengers. Yeah. Well, yeah. The Avengers. The Wayans. They did a ton of them. Yeah, but those only succeed

because everyone in the family buys the tickets. And what was it? They did like, the most recent one I think was the Fifty Shades of Grey. Oh, but that's those two guys, is it? Or is that a way?

I think that had a way in there. Okay. And then there were the two guys who did like Epic Movie and. Yeah. And the Barry movie. Like they, and Hollywood loved them because they didn't need any stars. They would just write these horrible. Right.

Like references that would have been stale by the time it got to the theater. But they came out really quick. Yeah, because I don't think they did more than one take. I came across these Animaniacs DVDs and so I bought them because I was like, oh, I'll show these to Josephine. Josephine's your housekeeper.

Josephine's... She is. For the off mic, we were talking about the ruse that we have to put on for my mother-in-law every year who comes to stay with us but doesn't know that Kara and I are together. She thinks I'm the gay roommate and our daughter is the superintendent of the building. And I was watching Animaniacs with her and it's the last show that like is consciously in the mold of that like very freudian surrealist looney tunes kind of warner brothersy world where they would reference stuff like when i was a kid you'd there'd be all these you know

frank sinatra's face would come out of a genie cloud or something like that but it's not like they don't have george michael's face coming out of a cloud for my kid no like or my girl yeah like nobody there are no there's you're a voice on an animated show. Yeah, a couple of them, yeah. What's the other? I'm not allowed to say yet. Oh, okay. You're Walter the Slug in Beat Bugs. Yeah, and I'm Uggs Bay Honey Bay in the Honey Plot School.

I don't know why I said that. So there's no, on Beat Bugs, there's no subversive Paul is dead references. Or there's no Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, what are the initials? Yeah. Stay tuned for the Mark David Chapman episode. He just walks on the bugs. Sure. episode.

He just walks on the bugs. Sure. No, none of the... I mean, in the very first season we did the Why Don't We Do It in the Road, and it was... Making a cake? Like, playing. It was about not playing in the street.

Here's why. But no one will be watching us. And so a friend of mine was like uh thanks for you know my kid sings that song oh you really did it no yeah that was one of my first episodes we did was why don't we do it in the road i when i auditioned for walter there the sides were from that episode oh boy because he used to fat to ride in the car. And that's why they knew they had the right guy. They saw my My Girl 3 pants from a mile away. Was that just their, like, we're going to tack this hat on?

We're going to pick the hardest one to do? The Beatles only had 10 songs. I just have always said like, well, cause in animation, it's weird. You never know if there's going to be like, we've done three seasons now of beat bugs.

There could be a fourth. They would just call us and tell us if there were, it's not like nobody says like, and this is officially done now. Right. Cause now in the, in the reboot era and the recontinue, like no,

no show has ever done. It's just unlike either permanent hiatus. Well what about Will and Grace? Wait a second. Yeah. Or Roseanne. Kind of a Murphy bro. And uh the um I so I always figured once we get to the Helter Skelter script then we'll

know the writing's on the wall. Yeah. Is that a reference to, did I just say something inappropriately on point for the murders? Didn't they write it on the wall? Yeah, in blood. I hoped that that wasn't the case.

You're too good at references. That's the wrong, I mean, even if they didn't, I think they did. Yeah. I mean, even if they didn't, I think they did. Yeah. I think Walter's getting written off the show after this series of riffs. But there was no pop culture. It just exists as a timeless thing, this beatbox.

Yeah. Because I remember when I was a kid kid i'd see they'd mix and match there'd be like an old bugs bunny where he's at a hollywood party and like humphrey bogart says something and you're like well i guess that i don't know why that's funny maybe it was funny then maybe it was just a reference then like maybe maybe one of the guys was like i'm really good at drawing humphrey bogart please let me draw Yeah, but all these guys who you would hear about, Humphrey Bogart, Jimmy Taranti. I don't think I've ever heard the actual, you dirty rat, you killed my brother. That's true.

But I heard it 10,000 times. Yeah, it was in Ninja Turtles. Like kids are supposed to be like, Raphael, he's doing it. Yeah. He's doing Jimmy Taranti. The rat is dirty and Splinter be like, Raphael, he's doing it. Yeah. He's doing Jimmy Durante. The rat is dirty and Splinter's like, hey. Not cool, man. Not cool.

But then Donatello would just reverse the polarity on whatever was going on. Yeah. He didn't really in the movies, though. None of the characters were really moved past the point. Just Raphael really had a personality in the movie. Yeah. Like, yeah. There's Michelangelo.

I know he had a skateboard. He was a party dude. He was a party dude. And he was very much a party dude in the movie. And Raphael was cool, but rude. Yeah. Give me a break. And the other one leads.

Leonardo leads? Yeah. Because in the Ninja Turtles rap from the first movie, one of the lines is like, Rafael, he's the leader of the group transformed from the norm by the nuclear goop. Pizza is the food that's sure to please. These ninjas are into pepperoni and cheese. Back to the story.

It's not hard to find. Ninja start thinking the body goes over mine. Those were the words that the master instructed, but a letter from Shredder has Splinter abducted. This is the last straw. Go into action. I don't even remember these lyrics. I'm remembering them in the act of coming out of my mouth.

Shredder wrote a letter? Yeah. Shredder wrote a letter to the editor. He was a paper shredder. That's what a lot of people don't realize. And once the Foot Clan is disbanded, he just does on-site document shredding for business. Shredder with a big round belly coming out under the metal plate.

I thought he was shredded. That was not the Go Ninja, Go Ninja one. No, that was from the first movie. Who rapped that? It was over the credits. Was it called N-I-N-J-A Rap, like with initials? Most things were in initials when we were kids. Yeah.

And I feel like that was the second. Maybe that was the second movie. The second one was definitely called Ninja Rap. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because it had Vanilla Ice, who was barely in the movie at all. But if you watched the commercials you would think it was like a vehicle for it.

And I remember quite a stinging Mad Magazine parody which alluded to the scarcity of Vanilla Ice in the film. So the grown-ups who wrote for Mad Magazine they were mad there wasn't enough Vanilla Ice. Yeah. vanilla ice in the film. So the, the grownups who wrote for mad magazine,

they were mad. There wasn't enough vanilla ice. And that Suge Knight was working with shredder. I like, Oh, it was called. Why don't we do it in the sewer? Oh,

weird. It was the only way that the writers could get around it they had oh man did i tell you when i watched the documentary about the making of that that one of the ideas that the producers had before they were like no no, we'll go to Jim Henson and get these costumes made. This is Ninja Turtle? Yeah. Was that they were going to hire Billy Crystal and maybe like Danny DeVito and have them painted

like Ninja Turtles and just have them like joking around. They want it. Oh my god. Yeah, exactly. You didn't know how badly you wanted it until you heard that it could have marvelous but like the producers just they didn't they didn't care like it was a toy right it had then turned into a tv show and they were like well whatever we'll just make a movie with this option and it was a toy that turned into a tv show they had to know it was going to be a TV show and they were like, well, whatever, we'll just make a movie with this option. It was a toy that turned into a TV show. They had to know it was going to be a TV show when they made all those toys.

But it was a comic book first, right? And then was it a TV show or a toy? They have to coordinate. I do remember the toys. My first memories of the Ninja Turtles were of the toy. Yeah, so did you have one? Oh, for sure yeah yeah did you oh i had rafael and i'll uh my next door neighbor had one i don't know which one but he was like

this is the next like my next door neighbor who got a toy a week and i was insane a toy a week yeah i know i had a toy day that is toy toy inflation. That's like Weimar. And then he told me about this, showed it to me, and I was like, this is the greatest. And I remember one night, it was a Friday night. We haven't, I don't know why we were downtown. We had some business downtown, and we were in Eaton's. Perestroika, you were down there for.

Yes, sure. It was, actually, it was Glasnost. Sorry, I forgot that you're ukrainian and that was right but we had uh i i saw it in eaton's and my parents bought it for me and it was pouring rain that night and i was in the car it was in our toyota van and it was pouring rain and we were waiting for one other member of our family to be done their business downtown i don't know why it was a dog it was a dog that had to finish but i was in the van and i we were just sitting waiting and i had to pee so bad and i

peed i think in a bag wow there's no way that i could have known where that story was gonna end up no no my sister complained that it was so heavy she made your sister hold the book sure yeah i mean this was where the saying comes from yeah you left me all in the bag of my brother's people but this was six or seven years ago the toy a week kid i remember the kid in my class that was the that always had a new toy i don't know what was going on there like what his home situation was but it couldn't have been good divorce probably maybe yeah our toy week kid i don't know he like seemed like a nice family but like sometimes abby will buy you know she'll just come home from the store with a toy. And I'm like, she just got a toy yesterday. I don't want her to turn into Toya Week.

Toya Week. Toya Week kid. Now we're, come on. This kid was the worst. You weren't there. Yeah, this kid also, I think his parents let him dress like Freddy Krueger. I'm going from maybe divorced to definitely divorced. Yeah, why was this kid watching nightmare on elm street the rest of us were scared not this kid i i bring it

on freddie i'm ready for him i do feel like uh toy buying now is not restricted in any way shape or form to like special days i agree yeah like it's it's they're everywhere now yeah and i mean but i'm by myself like it's like what do you get for the man who has everything what do you get for the man who impulsively orders everything that he wants and then people go what do you want for christmas i'll get it yeah i got it yeah or like the yeah abby complained she's like you you just research the thing you want and buy it you never communicate your needs well so they don't need any of this we've moved beyond and i'm always buying her books and they just like well i guess i'll just put this on the bookshelf and we'll read Pinkalicious again.

What's Pinkalicious? It's just what it sounds like. Yeah. A girl called Pinkalicious. All right. It's just what it sounds like. That's not a name. I know.

I know. It's weird, because everyone else in her world has regular names. But she's just crazy about pink, this Pinkalicious. Oh, yeah. names, but she's like just crazy about pink, this pinkalicious. Oh yeah. Eats pink cupcakes and icing, turns her whole body pink from eating so much of the stuff. Oh yeah, that happened to me once.

Has to eat a bunch of green fruits and vegetables to dial back the pink, if you will. I won't. And then after that, because all of these, there's like 90 books in the series. And then she never goes pink again. She still has the name. So now it's like, oh, pinkalicious. But she'll go, she got transported to the Japan during the Cherry Blossom Festival. Okay. With pink. During the bombing of Hiroshima.

Feudal Japan. The bombing of Hiroshima. Feudal Japan. I mean, the closest I got was I put on too much self-tanner and I ate a bunch of cheesies. I turned orange. Oh, I found a kind of cheesy that I can eat now. What kind of cheesy can't you eat? Any kind of cheesy until just recently.

Why not? Because I'm allergic to corn and cheese and all cheesies are some combination yeah yeah i would have written that product off altogether i had yeah but you've you you develop these allergies you you love cheesies oh yeah yeah no i've i've had i probably gave myself the cheesy allergy from over cheesy yeah but uh you are cheeselicious you ordered your eggs over cheesy both good work thank you uh we'll take it back to head office and be back to you so uh text uh five five seven eight for cheesy does it or whatever and five five seven nine four or five cheesy pieces keep it cheesy uh but vegan rob who if he's listening can send a crate of swag yeah we'll be so impressed like a vegan rob's cheesy visor uh but uh yeah they got it's chees. I mean, I'm saying this like it's a good thing, but it's got no cheese.

It's got zero of what you want. But it tastes exactly like a Cheezy. Nice. Yeah. Tastes like just like one of those cheese pleasers. You remember the ones, the orange bag? Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And I mean, technically I'm more of a crunchy, but beggars can't be cheesy. All right. I'm going to take that back't be cheesy. What are you? All right. I'm going to take that back to head office. I think they're going to be very impressed. Yeah. Are you a Hawkins? No, I don't like cheesies.

No, not at all. No. Too much maintenance? Yeah, it is tough. They're teeth filling. Yeah. They fill my teeth more than my belly. Yeah, and then the dust kind of is everywhere.

And I just don't, I'm not a salty snacker. No? Not at all? I mean, not even on a special occasion? If they're there, I'll have some. Yeah. What about sweet salty? Like, these days, find me a caramel that's not salty.

Right? Oh, boy. And I'll write you a check for make it up to caramel yeah I don't mind salty I'm just never like oh I gotta get a bag of chips

I'm like I need a sleeve of cookies and I mean like a sleeve yeah you got them all there you got chips ahoy well no i got it it's my uh sleeve tattoo yeah oh that'd be pretty good yeah it's pretty that seems like something that somebody out there probably has somebody listening to this show they live in portland oregon and they got a graphic designer of hooky tattoos.

Dave, what's going on with you? Well, it is the holiday season, so whoop-de-doo and hickory-dock and don't forget to hang up your sock. Because every night, every night at 12 o'clock Santa comes and just hangs out at your place. We're going to head to bed, Santa.

Oh, okay. So, uh... I'm gonna finish watching The Wire. Yeah. Oh, what's the Wi-Fi? What's your Netflix password? Bro. Bro, bro, bro.

Bro, bro, bro. Um, so... Here's what's going on with me do you have any like what are your do you have like christmas traditions you you're anti-christmas yeah yeah yeah i think it's dumb but like you go see your family and then what do you do uh we just sit around it's a lot of sitting around and like food just just eating. Are there games? Not really. Do you sing at Christmas? No.

Do you go to, do you visit a church? No. We go, the one thing we did last year that we played this like really fun, it was like through the TV. It was like everybody used their phone to like draw things and stuff. It was really fun. Whoa. Jackmasters or whatever. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was kind of like a Pictionary.

That sounds fun. It was really, really fun. But other than that, it's literally like Slothville, USA. Just sitting around. That sounds adorable. My dad's hanging by a vine. He's got algae growing in his hair.

You? I do all the things you said. Yeah? Yeah. So I go to the church where I grew up and sing the songs. We usually go out and stay with my aunt and uncle, but my mother-in-law is in town, so we've got to keep up this ruse.

Well, why does the super have to come with you to Christmas? The turkey's leaking! Why does your super still believe in Santa Claus? Why is your super going to bed so early? Why is she super good at bed so early?

Why is she super so cranky, but also excited? She's had a big day. Do you, she's five now? She'll be five on January 3rd. And so, what's her understanding of Christmas? I mean, you know, this is. I just wonder if I'm doing it wrong. 3rd. And so what's her understanding of Christmas? I mean, you know. I just wonder if I'm doing it wrong. No.

Margot's a year younger than... She's nine months younger. Okay. The moment you were born, we were like... Or the moment you had your daughter, we were like, we gotta put one in you. Yeah. Gross. Anyway.

I wish it was the moment I was born. Yeah. So this is just the greatest. There's like, we are in the trench. Do you use Santa to get her to behave? No, I can't do it. I feel like, no. Or like Elf on the Shelf. No, I don't do it. I feel like... No. Or like Elf on the Shelf.

No, I don't do any of that. What is the premise of the Elf on the Shelf? I teach her to smash the elf. I don't know Elf on the Shelf. Express yourself. The elf is a... An agent? An agent of Santa. It's a Foucauldian

panopticon. Like you... Sorry. Hi. Graham. He said something about a transformer, I think. Graham, I think we need to get... Charlie needs help. I think he maybe said Foucauldian panopticon. He didn't say Foucauldian panopticon here.

I think that's what I heard. No, he wouldn't say Focodian Panopticon here I think that's what I heard no he wouldn't have that nerve well you gotta break it down yeah break it down for me Fonodian Panopticon no okay so

for the homeless nerd for the homeless I was so flummoxed by that I took Graham's microphone and whispered into it yeah so the for the home listener for the homeless i was so flummoxed by that i took graham's microphone and whispered into it yeah it was quite the involved chick the fucodian panopticon is the idea that like you set up a prison so that there's a watchtower that the prisoners can't see into and they know that they're being that at any they don't know exactly when they're being watched but they know that at any given time so you that's what elf on the shelf is

essentially because really because it's an elf that's watching your kid and reporting back to santa every night so it's essentially like it's like it's like this fucked up security camera that you're like that elf on that shelf you know you've got to find its blind spots if you want to struggle or whatever. It's like Shape of Water. The kid goes for a smoke and like turns the elf away. Wow, I didn't know. And Foucault came up with this? I didn't know it was so ominous.

I mean, but so is Santa Claus. Like, he sees you when you're sleeping. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But most of the time when I'm sleeping, that's no problem. I'm not doing anything that I know of. You pout in your sleep. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah, I try to be very gentle with it with like just like now what did you do there was that nice or was that naughty yeah okay let santa be the good cop yeah yeah yeah like now my so santa's like my partner wants to take away your tv for a week. I don't like writing tickets. Yeah, so for us it's like there's very little Jesus in it. But Jesus was very little at the time. That's true.

It's not Jesus is like turmeric. You don't need a ton to really change the flavor or color. He's the reason for the seasoning. He's the reason for the seasoning. He's the reasoning for the seasoning. There we go. That was Charlie's

Lowry's joke before the show. I recently got a Lowry sponsorship. You've got some bright orange pants that are just hemorrhaging salt. I got to get it.

It looks like it's going to rain. I got to get inside. No, no, no. No worries. When it rains, it still pours. But, I mean, yeah, there's just, there's nothing like Christmas and 60s Batman are the only two things that you go back as an adult through the eyes of a child. And it's actually better than when you were a kid. Right.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it's definitely. And those are the only two things. Having kids does enhance it. Yeah. It is pretty meaningless as a 20-something. it is pretty meaningless as a 20-something. When you're like, okay, well, I guess we're going through the motions and you want to buy me a thing?

Okay, thank you. That is very much where I live. Yeah, of course. There's no kids. My brothers don't have kids. There's no kids. So Christmas is just this odd time where everybody does the same. Children of men themed Christmas. I should i should yeah get something for baby diego

that's not a spoiler he dies right away he's sort of the fuconian panopticon of this. Oh man, that Baby Diego reference hit me from the wrong angle. I am going to be wrecked for

Did you say a wreck? We have a lot of fun. And in fairness, Baby Diego is in his 20s. Yeah. Do, so,

but the one thing that we used to do in my house And this is a gingerbread house it was uh it belonged to a very spooky witch uh no we had a um every year like after childhood sort of in my teens our cousins would give us i would get a farsight calendar every year which they do not make anymore. No,

they could. Yeah, they could. Absolutely. Just, you know, take out the, the papers in the trash.

Thank you. Uh, but, uh, my cousins would give us a puzzle and my family would sit around and do the puzzle. Oh, wow. And just,

you know, uh, uh, jigsaw puzzle, walk around and like, meanwhile, a week's doing donuts outside of their house

in his go-kart. Fuck you, shunkers! And we, and so this, like, it's not for Christmas, but I was just like,

I would like to get a puzzle. Oh, yeah. And so last weekend, I went and I got a thousand piece puzzle. Yeah, you were posting about this i was yeah i was very i was into it for 36 hours and it was a puzzle of the history of television sure uh dating back

from i don't know i guess the the two things in black and white were lucy ball lucy ball lucy ball i mean that's what her friends called her. Lucy Ball. Bobby De Niro. And the Moonland. Honeymooners? Oh, the Moonland. Honeymooners was in. What about the Honeymoonland? The Honeymooners, they had a.

This is one small, all the way to the moon. For Alice. I was trying to. Yep. It would be there. It lined up. Yeah. Yeah.

We can workshop it uh they had a uh jackie gleason in color oh for whatever reason sure but it was all these uh people that are bad they had a bad ross from friends and i think the most literally bad ross it was a ross's twin because this was all this was all painted. Oh, okay. And the likeness of Ross was not strong. No. And it was, so yeah, it was, you know, maybe 300 different faces all over this thing. The General Lee and like, and I think it went, I think the most recent thing on there was 9-11.

Oh, sure. Yikes. Yeah. Pretty big in the history of TV. Yeah. The ratings were sensational. It was probably the last biggest news event, right? What is it?

A television event that everyone watched? Maybe. Yeah. Oh, the announcement of we got Osama bin Laden. I feel like that was pretty big. When everybody saw Obama walk to the podium. I was busy that night. Were you?

Yeah. The Obama swearing in thing. That was pretty big. Pretty big. Sure. Sure. Fine. And more fun than 9-11.

Yeah, this is true. So I'm doing this puzzle and it was like I was obsessed with it. It was just a day of I was eating Ferrero Roch11. Yeah, this is true. So I'm doing this puzzle, and it was like, I was obsessed with it. It was just a day of, I was eating Ferrero Rochers and turtles. Jeez Louise. You aged so many decades. I was cramming all my Christmas in one day. And it was a hard puzzle because in the history of television, there's a lot of similar looking white guys.

Oh, sure. Yeah. And so there's a lot of similar looking white guys. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so like, there's a few, like anyone in a cowboy hat. I don't know who that is. J.R. Bonanza, right? Maybe.

J.R. Bonanza. Green Acres, is that a thing? Yep. Dukes of Hazzard. Green Acres had Zsa Zsa Gabor's sister. Right. I think. Oh.

But this, I don't think she made the cut. And it was, so was cheers on there yeah cheers was on there it was all white men yeah some white women oprah and about eight black guys in the whole puzzle history and two of them were from the oj trial so a few blind spots in this yeah so what christopher darden and oj uh johnny johnny cochran yeah oh wow oj wasn't on it oj was on it oh so chris darden got cut chris darden was not in the puzzle wow yeah it makes you think like what do you gotta do wow yeah it makes you think like what do you gotta do um yeah but they'd won he and no no uh asians no not even uh bruce lee from uh the green hornet no no no uh what about uh david carradine as kung fu no not in there short round

that's not TV. Short round from an appearance on the Tonight Show. Giorgino! No, they could have thrown him out. But no people of any other race. No. So no Eric Estrada? You know what? Eric Estrada was in there

but it was a long shot and you could just see the helmet. Right. And was he Punch? who was the other one well but oh and was lucy not with desi no and there were two loose there were more redheads in it than black people wow i mean you got your kathy griffin you got your lucille ball i mean now I'm struggling. Ron Howard. Ron Howard. Ron Howard and Donnie Most. Oh, David Caruso. David Caruso was not in it. But he's a big TV redhead. Right.

Daryl Amadichie. Daryl Burnett. You got your... Danny Partridge. Yeah, Donnie Bonaduce. Donnie Bonaduce. I think he was on there. There was a Partridge family bus.

There was a redheaded Italian on there. There was a Partridge Family bus. There was a red-headed Italian on television. Think about that. Digest that. I mean, has there ever been an Italian redhead? I don't know. Before or since? And then, oh, Danny Bonaduce. Nice freckles.

Who is this character? That's a character from the neighborhood. Is Danny Pintoro from Who's the Boss red-headed or Italian? I don't know. I don't know if he's Italian. Was that the kid?

Ben? He was played by an Italian? That's kind of ironic. Wasn't Ben the little brother? I can only just remember Tony Danza being like, Wesley. Oh, Wesley. Wesley.

No, I don't remember. Look, as comfortable as it makes me to dissect who is and who is not a red-headed Italian. So how far did you get on this? I finished it. I finished it. I remember at Christmas, we would take days and days to do it. I stayed up so late.

The next day, on a Sunday night, I stayed up so late, like one in the morning doing it. I got up, did a little bit before work. Wow. Went to work. Was like, hmm. Took some, take some in your lunchbox. Wow. Went to work, was like, took some, take some in your lunchbox to work on.

Went to work, came back at lunch because I was like, oh, I got leftovers. Were you thinking about the puzzle at work? Yeah, I had like the Tetris effects

of like, like seeing pieces in my head. So, the puzzle obsession, I hope it's a lasting one. You hope that it's, I hope we keep, I went, I hope it's a lasting one. You hope that is,

I hope we keep going. I went, I went to home Depot, bought a two foot by four foot. Jigsaw. He's going to make everything into a puzzle. Uh, like,

uh, just like a thin sheet of what I forget what they call it. I'm bored. And they, and so I could like move the puzzle so we could have dinner on the dinner table you and abby should do a team up you know fashion puzzle outfit like she designs it you puzzle it up it goes out into the world and people could wear yeah could you get could you get that option for me? Can I option puzzles?

Probably somebody has. My family never did anything like that. Like no board games, no whatever. Like all I remember is talking, eating, watch a movie, or you go for a walk and talk on the walk.

Like, and that's still all we do as a family. That's plenty. Yeah, I know. But, but no, like, like, you know how there's like board game family. walk. Like, and that, that's still all we do as a family. That's plenty. Yeah, I know. But, but no, like,

like, you know how there's like board game family. Yeah. We, we would play a board, like we would, someone would get a board game at Christmas. Yeah.

We'd play it once Christmas night. Yeah. See you in 365 Dick Garage. Dick Garage was a Milton Brothers, very popular game. That's when Milton Bradley and the Parker Brothers got married. They called each other Dick Garage. What's going on with you?

And a jolly merry Christmas. And also to you, sir. In my capacity of working on this hour's 22 minutes, I flew all the way to Halifax for one day. Holy moly. Flew all the way back. I flew out there for their, uh, holiday episode that they were taping. Mm-hmm.

And, uh, did like a little segment on it. You should stay with my dad when you're out there. He'd love it. Oh, I would love it too. But I was literally there, I think for 30 hours and then back to and so that's the most that's basically the most travel you can do inside of the country yep and uh i did it hello the pi the rock yeah that's true vancouver island no that's true So it's almost You could have come from way up north

Where the air gets cold And then down and then across But it was man oh man It's a long haul It's more time traveling Time traveling Well we're going they don't need roads We don't got But we're going, they don't need roads. We don't got roads,

we're going. And everybody out there does have a very charming accent. It's the hominess. Yes. Yeah. As soon as. And I find it really hard

to go out there and not start doing it just by accident. And you, like, it comes out as mockery by accident. And you, like, it comes out as mockery. Yeah. But you're just like, well, this seems nice. Can I get in on it?

Can I talk about people who are from away? This is the thing. It's a small city. And we got a ride from the airport airport with the same percentage of white people as dave's puzzle yeah and we were driving down this street and the driver didn't he didn't say anything like for the whole ride and then he said yeah you don't want to walk down

this this street this is the tough street and i was like i don't i don't know man i'm from vancouver yeah i was like i don't know how tough is it and then he's like well last year somebody killed a cop on the street like he didn't talk the whole drive and then he just couldn't stop talking about is it's gotta kill the cop put it in a garbage can and i was like jesus christ we built a statue of the guy we love him it was such a bizarre like we're like okay strong silent type until until this one street came up and then silent violent type silent but deadly but it was also a street that had like a climbing gym on it so it didn't look like the type of street. You know, it wasn't like everything was shuttered. No. Like, there were people in the climbing gym on a climbing wall, which to me says

safe. Nothing says upward mobility like a climbing wall. Charlie brings out the best in me. He really does. What would be great is if you drove by thinking it's a totally innocent climbing wall situation, but you can see that there are actually a bunch of muggers at the bottom of the wall,

and everybody's climbing to get away from them. Or this evil genius, this supervillain is dangling cops from the climbing wall. It's a very weird thing, regardless of the conversation starter, to warn people about an area of town. That's weird. That's weird. Like, it was 11 o'clock at night, so

I wasn't going to go walking anywhere. But he was like, stay out of this part of town. You're at 7 o'clock Vancouver time. You might be jonesing for where can I watch Wheel of Fortune on a satellite? And that one guy who went to Tennessee, walking in Memphis was like the first thing he wanted to do when he arrived. Yeah, but isn't that what he went there for?

That's right. Yeah, so anyways, it's weird. I feel like it's always weird when somebody says, like, as part of their welcome to the city chat. When we went to Chicago, it was a lot of like. And it's happened to me in Winnipeg. How far south are you going? Yeah, or like, don't go into the north.

Like, there's a weird. But why do people do that? That's a weird. I would never. Welcome to town. We'd want you to only stay in the most gentrified. Yeah. It was very bizarre. Yeah yeah it's a weird it's

a combination of i think like sometimes it's just straight up racism and then other times there is just that they're genuinely they think this is a scary part of like my friend and i we we took the greyhound once to san francisco we were 21 and we took the bus from Vancouver to San Francisco. And let me just say that the Greyhound experience on either side of the border, they say that border, man, that's just an invisible line. Not hungry. Very distinct feelings. Yeah.

And, um, we, we got out and we were staying in the tenderloin, which is, has been slightly gentrified now, but at the time, uh, it was 2001 still by far the biggest TV event of the year, 9-11. Yeah. And, uh, we were, it was like, it was the drug vice district, like staying in the downtown East side in Vancouver. And we asked this, um, we asked this woman like,

Oh, how do you get to the tenderloin? She was like, practice, practice, practice. But she was, she was scandalized that we were going.

So we were like, ah, this, it's just an easily excitable, uh, middle- class person. We'll look for somebody a little kind of more streetwise and ask them how to get. And they were like, why are you going to the 10th of July?

So sometimes you do, you get to a place and they just don't want you to. Do you remember walking in Winnipeg, you and I? That's right. We were walking. Walking in Winnipeg. Walking in Winnipeg. Walking in Winnipeg? You and I? That's right. We were walking. Walking in Winnipeg. Walking in Winnipeg. Walking in Winnipeg. Trying to get this chapstick out of my hands.

We were walking down the street and this bouncer at a club literally left his post and came and got us and said, You guys are walking down. You're going in the wrong direction. Yeah, that's right. He could see us just like, How much did they pay you at the festival? Let me count the bills! I dropped my chocolate!

With this big novelty sized Toblerones yeah what people don't realize is that's a self defense Toblerone oh lord now this is this time of year it's a time of year

when exchanging presents oh yeah well I get a present every week what did you get a ninja turtle last week no every day i mean every week i'm with you it feels like a present oh that's right now i really spun out of that one like the show spun out yeah i did not know what that was. That is... Where did I put yours? Somewhere on the shelf here. Next to this L. I found it.

Do you have... Is it difficult to find a gift smaller than 18 inches? Are you going to use that shelf? Alright. Graham, give me an envelope. Theater of the mind.

I'm holding it up to my head like the great Carcini or whatever his name was. Carnac. Nope. That was on,

by the way, that was prominently featured in the puzzle. Of course it was. Okay. Here we go. This seems to be. Is it a card that does something when you open it?

Maybe. Oh, wow. Who is the star? You've given me the magic card. Just for you. King, king, king. I'm full of joy to make you dance. Now the listener can maybe hear some of them singing

and a lot of the gift card bouncing up and down. I thought that was somebody sending the card by telegraph. And here it says remove wrap before placing an envelope. Oh yeah, no, not me, man man i don't know

how many times you want to reuse that so it also has the lyrics on the back uh ho ho ho tucked in your wallet who's the star yep it's me the santa card just for you ching ching ching i'm full of joy to make you sing this is for ages three and up yep that's you i am i'm i i thank you for it's a gift card for ice cream, it looks like. Yeah, which is your favorite food from your favorite ice cream place. It's my favorite ice cream place. Rain or shine ice cream in Vancouver. Oh.

Guys, let's go after the show. My treat. Thank you, Graham. You're welcome. And not, I didn't want you to feel left out. That's redeemable at any area shopper's drug mart. Thank you. Follow on it.

And let me just open the what does it say here? Well, I'm the singing Kwanzaa card. I'm here to sing. I love it. Thank you very much. Very well. Mine is I just looked in my I love it thank you very much very well mine is

I just looked in my little file cabinet here and I saw that I have this autographed John Tesh picture you can have that that's pretty great that is excellent it's got a certificate of authenticity on the back oh nice it's unconditionally guaranteed to be authentic

look at that I feel like that's a re-gift it's practically un-gift. It's practically untashed. Now, my shopping, I decided to limit myself to the fun aisle at Winners. Okay, here we go. Fun aisle at Winners. Here we go. Is that something for work? We got something that says, it's a placard that says Lady Boss.

Yep, you can put that at your desk i don't think i won't um this is a tool a 2019 daily calendar of maxine the old lady i don't know who maxine is character i've never i've never seen her in my life is she going concerned what's she saying what's her speech bubble got there she's because if you can't say anything nice i like you already she's mean mean old lady mean maxine maybe that's what that means i've never i i saw that and i was like this is no one can know who maxine is and this is the big celebrity quiz this is uh do you have your finger on the pop culture pulse let's see yeah let's just play some of these cards. It seems to be a card game. I don't. Oh, it's wrapped.

Don't worry. Don't worry. I got it. That's as wrapped as a Kwanzaa greeting. He was rapping before. Was that no good? I mean, oh, I forgot you wrapped.

This is wrapped as a Ninja Turtles credits montage. Is that no good? I mean, you know, you're, oh, I forgot you rapped. Okay. Yeah. This is rapped as a Ninja Turtles credits montage. Okay, here we go. Here we go. In what year did Kanye West storm the stage at the Video Music Awards to interrupt Taylor Swift's acceptance speech? In what year? That's not a fun question. No, it's not. 20, oh, you know, 2010.

Oh, very close. 2012? 2009. Oh. He's been around a long time. Very close. 2012. 2009. He's been around a long time. Were we ever so young? Which member of One Direction has a child with Cheryl Cole? Cheryl Crow.

Shit, I don't know. Niall. No, Liam. Liam Payne. Did you know that? No, no, no, no. I don't know any ofall. No, Liam. Liam Payne. Did you know that? No, no, no, no. I don't know any of these. In what year?

You know the band. What's this? In what year? Like, who dashed these together? Very dashed together. What year did Tom Cruise jump on the couch while on the Oprah Winfrey show? If it wasn't. Was that on that TV puzzle?

Let's see. Okay. So, okay. So, 1492 Columbus Sailed the Ocean Blue. So that would have been 2003. Oh, close, but no Cigarello. 2005? 2005! Yay! Now you're the lady boss.

So this is like the fun Christmas games. You'll play them once, and you'll give them away at your Monday night show. In what year did Jada Pinkett marry Will Smith? In what year? In what year? There's nothing fun about that at all. 1999. I was going to say 98.

97. Oh, wow. 97. We've gotten zero right. I got one right. Oh, okay. I got Tom Cruise jumping on the couch. All right.

How about this? Monroe and Moroccan Scott are the children of which American singer? Monroe and Moroccan Scott? Moroccan Scott. Is Scott the last name? No. No. Monroe.

American singer. Oh, Alice. Alice Monroe. Alice Cooper. Very close. name uh no no monroe american singer oh alice alice monroe alice cooper very close i don't know i i'm i've never heard these names that this is uh this is famed diva mariah carey oh nick hannon and she's got a kid named moroccan scott moroccan weird stuff you know what if there were a Moroccan Scott? What would that sound like? I think it might sound a little something like this. I got a good price on this Berber seasoning.

I didn't want to eat another chickpea dish. Oh, and Moroccan Scott. I also, I forgot that I got, this is a Secret Santa. Oh, yeah, this is a Secret Santa. I drew Graham in the Secret Santa. As usual, my collection of Secret Santa Christmas coupons.

Here they come. Oh, man. The highlight of 2018. Get ready for them. Secret Santa. If you think those. Christmas coupons. Those trivia cards were slapped together in a hurry.

This first one, good for one foot rub. Is that just one foot or the double foot feet? I mean, I'll double foot you. All right. But I rub you with my feet. Good for one cider tasting and hayride on my uncle's orchard. Wow. That sounds like fun.

It does. That sounds appealing. Present this on a banana orchard. I mean. Yeah, that sounds appealing. Present this on a banana orchard. I mean, sorry, that sounds hardcore. That's better,

I guess. Present this coupon and I'll wash under your house arrest ankle bracelet. No one will do that.

Present this coupon and we'll go Christmas caroling, just the two of us. We'll knock on strangers' door and just harmonize the shit out of

God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen and collect pennies for UNICEF. It's a year round. I think you can do it at Christmas. Sure. Present this coupon, and I'll finally stop ignoring that you named me in your ice bucket challenge like six years ago. I mean, I just didn't want to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, you had to. Well, no,'t want to do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But you had to. Well, no, now I'll do it. This coupon entitles you to have control of the remote for four hours, even if I'm watching the big game and you want to watch a chick flick. Jeez, a four-hour chick flick? Did Kate Hudson get Final Cut? She's fabletic. That's true true present this coupon

and I'll give you a sexy car wash honk if you want me to put it on the glass meanwhile Charlie's putting aside a bunch of trivia questions for us to do

good for some kinky play specifically kinky boots starring me as the title character victor kinky this coupon entitles you to one romantic evening holding hands and dying in our sleep like the ending of the notebook oh spoiler i think that's how it ends yeah i think so they definitely fall sleep together yeah yeah although i don't know what kills them love carbon monoxide present this coupon and we'll go make whoopee at the whoopee cushion factory in china they won't get the word play but they'll get the fart noises wait a minute we're not in the factory yet so where are those fart noises coming from everyone's a suspect present this coupon and i'll

throw it all away and go on a road trip with you to visit all 30 major league baseball stadiums like some chump in cargo shorts. Boys, every year I write a bunch and I'm like, this is too many. It's too many. Do you want me to skip ahead? No, keep doing them. Sometimes when I get really mad at you,

I find it therapeutic to write a nasty coupon and never give it to you. Well, that ends today. You phony. I can't believe you lied about liking reggae to impress those older boys. These are getting weird. Good for one oral report on the Iliad, which I barely

remember. The year is 1942, and Crete has something tricky up its sleeve. How does the alien start? Call me Bruce. This coupon was removed from last year's book in light of the Me Too movement

but now I feel like it's okay to tell you that you have tremendous gazongas and your kielbasa is turly whirly like a duck's. Don't they have turly whirly? Yeah, they do. Absolutely. C corkscrew penises yeah uh roy arbison was only 52 when he died but he looked much older was he sick i can't look it up right now i'm writing coupons he was only 52 look at him i never would have guessed that he was 52

but it's like uh david yanson in the theitive. He was like 33 when they made that show. Really? Yeah. Jesus. And I was minus 50. Yeah. This coupon contains a clue that could blow your conspiracy theory wide open. Just look closely.

Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon. Coupon.

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Coupon. Coupon. Oh my God. Hillary is selling children out of a pizza restaurant. Something must be in the zeitgeist right now. Oh yeah, well, it takes a village. I will suck snake venom out of any dick in this town.

Oh, how is that even a coupon? Good for one. Let's move on to overheard. Yes, well done. Unless Charlie wants to do these right now. I just really can't emphasize what a shitty, like, the big celebrity quiz. Okay. So I have counted no less than five in what year.

And they're just like, in what year did Bjork wear the now iconic swan dress? 98. In what year did Lindsay Lohan spend 84 minutes in a California jail? 98. In what year did Halle Berry become the, in what year did Jerry Hollywell leave the Spice Girls? 98. Then, listen to these fun questions. How many children does Bruce Willis have with ex-wife Demi Moore?

Three? Yeah. Who gives a shit? Well, their names are Rumor, Scout, and the other one. Here's a fun one. Which British rock star, one of the world's best-selling music artists, died in January 2016? David Bowie. Yeah. David January 2016. George Harris?

David Bowie. Yeah. David Bowie. Who cares? That's awful. That's fun. And then this one, kind of a switch on, instead of in what year, like you could tell he wanted to phrase this one in what year.

So he just goes, who did Reese Witherspoon divorce in 2007 brian philippe yeah that's correct um uh this demi more talk uh i noticed you missed one of the coupons oh let's go to a couple's body painting session like when vanity fair painted a suit on demi more and we were all like i guess my horny nose many forms when you would that happen when we were like 12 we were 15 no it was when what year was it i feel like it was 95 i feel like we were in great no i looked it up it was 92 what and i remember being like this is a normal sexy thing that happens and body paint has disappeared since then not not at uh burning man no that's true but like when i was

uh you know getting the talk i assume that's what you were picturing i was i was assuming oh yeah yeah well uh naked ladies will be wearing paint a lot that's just part of grown-up sexual society put down some sort of sheet because uh yeah whoever you're with is going to be covered in paint. A lot of these ladies are going to insist on a lot of primer. Fine. Our reservation is at 7 o'clock, honey, but I haven't

had a spacesuit tattooed on my body. Okay, good for one. Let's move on to Overheard. If you're looking for a new comedy podcast, why not try the beef and dairy network it won best comedy at the british podcast awards in 2017 and 2018 also iron there were no horses in this country until the mid to late 60s specialist bovine ass vet both of his eyes are squid's eyes yogurt buffet she was married to a bacon farmer who saved her life.

Farm-raised snow leopard. Download it today. That's the Beef and Dairy Network podcast from MaximumFun.org. Also, maybe start at episode one or, weirdly, episode 36, which for some reason requires no knowledge of the rest of the show. Hey, gang. This is Jesse, and I am joined by Bikram, the managing director of Maximum Fun. Hi everyone.

So we have some really amazing news to close out 2018. After this spring's pledge drive, we gave members the chance to buy enamel pins with the full profits of those sales going to the National Immigration Law Center. This is a tough time to be an immigrant in the United States. As individuals, as a company, and as a community, we wanted to help provide resources for immigrants in the face of these attacks. We're proud to live in a nation of immigrants, and many of us here at Max Fund are immigrants or the children of immigrants ourselves.

Together, we raised over $100,000. NILC will put that money to good use, providing legal representation to immigrants and their families who wouldn't otherwise be able to afford it. We are so proud of our community for making such an immense difference in so many lives. And whether you bought pins or not, you can help the NILC advocate for immigrants right now. All you have to do is go to

MaximumFun.org slash NILC. That's MaximumFun.org slash NILC. Our thanks go to all of you who made this possible. Great work, everybody, and happy holidays from all of us at MaxFun. work everybody and happy holidays from all of us at max fun overheard overheard it's you know where you uh share and exchange it's a place where we can exchange ideas yes and ideas can just come and hang out if you hear somebody else saying something and then you record it in your brain, this is where you can share it. Right. Yeah.

And we always like to start with the guest. Charlie, would you please? Well, this is one where it was something that I hoped wouldn't be overheard, which is, you know, cause I don't know if you've had any questions like, like moral or political questions from your child and you try and give the. Honest answer. So, uh, Josephine, you know, wanted to know our police bad or good. Right. And, you know, so you say, well, um, some police as people are very good and some

police as people are very bad and, you know, in our society as as it is police tend to protect the people who have money you know you try and like give the your version of like that you're not so um we get pulled over uh two nights ago i was i was doing a fundraiser i was uh no yeah you've been telling your child that some police are bad yeah so. No, because she pieced it together. That there was like, you know, she's on Twitter. And you've got that room with all those pictures of police with their eyes blacked out. So I was doing an event and I brought Kara and Joseph. For criminals.

It was a fundraiser for criminals. For the Joker. It was for the Attorney General, David Eby. It was a fundraiser for criminals. For the Joker. It was for the Attorney General. David Eby, who is a fan of this show. He's probably listening to this and already regrets me bringing up his name. But so I was leaving and as I was leaving, I dropped, like I had an Advil and a couple of Tylenol and I dropped the Advil and I couldn't find it. And we're driving and I was like, oh, I'll go to the London Drugs on Broadway. But then I realized, oh, that's closed.

So I'll go down to 4th Avenue where there's a 24 hour shoppers. And I made the decision right at the intersection. So I had to cross over two lanes and I pulled like I took a left turn. And then I pulled onto 4th Avenue and I see the cop lights behind me. And I think, Oh, okay. So I pull over.

And, uh, Josephine wants to know what's going on. Right. And, uh, cause there are these lights. She takes off.

You're putting pills in her pocket. These are your pills. Yeah. Um, so she's like, she's like, um, so now she's's like she's on my side right she sees that this this cop is stressing me out she's like i hate police she's like police are so mean and i was like honey this is like not this is not the time to have this conversation. Right.

She goes, are there any black police? Like, so it's clear that she's gotten the gist of like that. That's part of the question. Right. And I was like, well, you know, there are police of all different colors, sweetie. Let's not go. But why? Light skinned is the biggest.

Right. is the biggest, right? And so we barely managed to get her to stop for her NWA style attack. Just in time for the police officer to get to the window. Wow. Yeah. Yikes. Yikes. Tense moments. But that was my dad always terrified us of like, cause they used to give my dad a lot of trouble at

the border, um, in the seventies. Cause you know, he had a Quebecois accent and they would ask him what his nationality was. And he was a Canadian. They said,

you don't sound like a Canadian. It was, so he was terrified of the border. So anytime we crossed the border, he would turn around and be like, you kids don't say anything. We don't joke. There's no nothing that's like,

yeah. And I remember once we were coming back over the border and he was like, uh, you know, do you have anything to declare? And my dad said all the things we were bringing back and I was like, he forgot the bag of chips. We got these chips right here. So kind of like piping up from the back, like dad, dad, we have nacho chips. So I need to get that kind of fear.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When I, I think that I haven't been asked that question, but I think I would be like, yeah, police are pretty good. I mean, it's, it's, it's not, it's not an easy... I don't have to answer these questions.

No, you don't. So what you lose on Happy Christmas, you gain on not having to explain the social complexities of 21st century life. Things that I don't even understand. I'm like, oh, dad doesn't know. Well, and I don't have to explain it either because i have this thing called privilege oh sure which uh is this thing where you do a puzzle and you and only then you realize a lot of white people on tv a puzzle really opened your eyes yeah that feels like

it could be a real money maker, like a puzzle privilege workshop. Sure. Because people do love doing those workshops. And people do love doing puzzles. People love doing puzzles. Yeah. Yeah. How about like.

Put it together. Piecing together privilege. Yeah. Some kind of woke escape room. Now what did we learn? Yeah. Not only did you escape, what did you learn in the process? Yeah. We escaped our preconception. Our ignorance. Yeah. Not only did you escape, what did you learn in the process? Yeah, we escaped our preconception, our ignorance.

Yeah. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, mine's from the news. And it was a, so there's this cell phone executive who's been arrested in Canada. Yeah. Her name is Mung something. Yeah. And she's a. Spelled Mung. Her name is Meng something. Yeah. And she's a... It's spelled Meng.

It's pronounced Meng. And she's an executive of Huawei. From the Huawei television phone company. Quickly steer that into the right way. Yeah. The company made popular on our show when Nicole Passmore, a couple years ago, was so upset she was the only person she knew with a Huawei phone.

With a Huawei phone. And now their biggest phone company in all of China. She used to say, it's my way or the Huawei. But yes, their CFO was arrested here. And on the news, it's been big coverage. Will she get house arrest? Yada, yada, yada. Yeah.

A lot of yada. The movie? Fudge Cops. Huawei Fudge Cops tie in. Oh no, that was bringing down the house. Was there a movie called House Arrest?

Probably. What was the one with Sinbad and Phil Hartman? House Guest? Jingle all the way. House Guest. Or was House Guest? Jingle all the way. Or was House Guest Goldie Hawn? Or was that Bird on a Wire?

House Sitter was Goldie Hawn. Oh, okay. Anyway, so there was a guy on the news, and they were just getting footage from outside the court, and this guy was chanting by himself free mung now and he turns around and says is anybody chanting with me it's hard when you're the first person to chant that you assume everybody else is gonna join in did we not did i mean it's a simple chant yeah but we were all gonna do it right dude should i said i've said on three or yeah but it's not even like free mung now free

mung now yeah okay let's pick up some momentum just one just one i was just doing the one i'm like frank sinatra ho ho house arrest would be a big no no right well but they do well that's what she wanted yeah would she want house arrest yeah as opposed to jail oh yeah yeah but like they were running that was the funny thing they were running down the list of people who were going to put up collateral so that she could stay out of jail and it was first it was like uh jamie fought tom cruise it was it was people who had a lot of money to put up yeah and then and then but then it went down the list and then it said and finally a yoga instructor who is going to put up all of her money fifty thousand000 to secure this person's release.

It was very weird. Cause it was like, people's cell phone contracts are terrible. So I have to do this. Well, you shouldn't have the terms and conditions. Yeah. Read those fine print.

What's, uh, what's going on with you? Overheard wise. Overheard wise. Um, I, uh, this 22 minutes thing I did, this was said around me, basically. I had to put on makeup.

They were doing makeup. And at one point, the woman said, there you go. You look great. What are you doing? And I was supposed to be a hungover guy. And then somebody else in the room went, yeah, that's fine. He looks fine. Yeah, yeah. that's fine. He looks fine. That's enough makeup.

Back off the makeup. That's about right. Not my best overheard, but you know. Or not the one that left you feeling best. No, but you know what? They're always, like in 95% of cases,

anyone who's putting makeup on you is like a really nice looking middle-aged woman, sometimes a young woman. Yeah. And they're just, you, I've never met like a dour one. No. And you're always in a room full of comedians and then them. Yeah. And so it's all just death and destruction and then this like and i just said well why don't you bring your boyfriend and we'll just he can sleep on the couch

oh i love it's peppermint latte season yeah yeah exactly have you tried these um i had a sip of a gingerbread latte and i hate it yeah i hate of a gingerbread latte, and I hate it. Yeah, I hate that one. Gingerbread latte. Gingerbread latte. Dear sir or madam, can you drink this thing? Took me years to make. And I lost my ring. It's based on a beverage

by a man named Starbucks you guys I mean I honestly wear the watches back now we also have overheards sent in from people all over this

merry world of ours no I forgot if you want to send one in you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org And this first one comes from Jessica.

This is waiting in line at a Chick-fil-A. We don't have that here, do we? There's one in the Calgary airport. Is there really? Yeah, and I wanted to go once, closed on Sundays. That's right. Because it's I wanted to go because it's a homophobic chicken place. Yeah. it's finger licking gay

hate uh when i was in the south you see all these ads for chick-fil-a and their whole thing it's so fucking morbid because the whole campaign at least 15 years ago was cows trying to get you to eat it chick-fil-a oh right because hey eat chicken not us any anthropomorphic remember the popcorn chicken and they there's popcorn shrimp and they were like found out they'd been eating their kids like oh yeah that's right do that i know i hate it when the uh uh, that anthropomorphic mucus family, like, I'm gay, I'm trying to eat my mucus here. Well, I mean, I

only eat ethically raised grass-fed mucus. Uh, waiting in line at a Chick-fil-A, and the lady in front of me ordered soup. She asked for, they're famous for their soup. When you're in a Chick-fil-A, try the soup. She asked for 17 saltine packets.

Oh, boy. I thought I must have misheard her, but no. When her order was ready, she stood there and counted them. 17! Wow. That's a soup that eats like a meal that's a that's like a whole that's like a bread that's a sleeve yeah that's sleeve of saltines now we're talking um uh do you do you a soup fan i i came here from the argo uh and. And I do like soup.

When I was a kid, I would do that. We would call it like cracker stew. Yeah, yeah. And you just put half of a sleeve of crackers in the... That sounds good. And then you'd stand up your spoon in the middle of it. Oh, boy. Like in the Tidomi commercials.

Like the commercials for Tidomi. What commercials are these? You're so chunky, you can eat it with a fork was that tie domey or wendell clark you know wendell clark was in them and it was glenn clark oh boy oh boy getting more obscure um i uh i also had soup today for lunch yeah mine was a ramen oh yes one of the best soups ramen well yeah yeah one of the the more dense ingredients why but they don't they don't offer you crackers no just noodles yeah they don't really offer you a chick-fil-a there either you know it's kind of a fun fact is you know those mad magazine

fold-in covers if you were trying to make one where the answer was ramen you could use the phrase it's raining men there you go so you'd go this noodle doesn't know it's raining men ramen hallelujah they don't have to make sense right well they rarely did uh this next one's from stewart in portland oregon uh this was uh walking in a safeway yesterday i heard a mother say to her daughter why are you crying i should be crying you're the one being a turd ouch when was when was the first time your kid learned that they were deterred? Or has it not happened yet? So, wait, this was the mom saying it to the kid?

This was the mom saying it to the kid. Yikes. Yeah. I remember a girl at English Bay, or like, no, Second Beach, and I was a kid. I mean, literally, I must have been 12 or 13 years old, and this girl says to her mom, Mom, would you just shut up a minute? And my dad was watching it and he turned to me he was like you know if you ever talked to me like that i would

smack you yeah yeah like i'm getting in trouble for this kid where did you learn how to be like that yeah yesterday when i got home abby was like margo tell dad what you said today when we were in the car margo said are you driving the wrong way like a jerk i was like i guess what i said rubbed off on her uh they're sponges yeah but i don't i don't know when i would have said that but i do like a jerk is a pretty good that is pretty like, you know, not quite quite, not quite an insult. Yeah.

This guy's going the wrong way. Like a jerk. Yeah. Uh, this last one is, uh, uh, from,

uh, Charlotte in Brighton. Recently I bought a coat from a, uh, clothing chain. The tag said that it was 69 99. Well, when the women, a woman at the till, who was Russian, rang it up, it came up as $89.99. Normally, social awkwardness would stop me from saying anything.

But you're talking 20p. Exactly. 20 quids. Yeah, is she in Brighton in England? Yeah. Oh, okay. She called over her manager, who said that the coat had been mislabeled, but I could still pay the lower price.

As the manager walked away, the cashier muttered to herself, in Russia you would pay full price. Yes. Wow. Yes. And in Russia, price pays you. Yeah. Coat 69's you.

That's actually how the 69 was invented to keep warm to keep your legs warm put your legs in the sleeves in addition to overhears that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us the phone number is 1-844-779- three one or one ugh spy pod one like these people jingle bell well integrated yeah hi this is tracy calling in an overheard hi trace i'm calling from northern california the san francisco bay area and I teach eighth grade, so 13-year-olds. That's great. And I had a couple of students having an argument, and one of them came up to me and said, he said something sexist to me,

and he, in his defense, said it wasn't sexist. It was misogynist, which is hilarious in and of itself. But a student in the back of the room who wasn't paying attention to their argument said, Oh, I think the word is masseuse. A massagist is what you're thinking of. Oh, man. There's no joke I like more than a malapropism. And I was wondering if anybody in this age of political correctness can still do the blank. I ain't never even looked at another guy, which is always one of my favorites.

Like anytime somebody says like Hippocratic, I ain't never even looked at another guy. That was always one of my favorites. Foucaultian polygamy, you mean me? Foucaultian and opticon hi dave graham and lovely guests uh this is Bonnie from Cincinnati calling in an overheard. So I was sitting in this coffee shop. You can picture like your typical, really cute, upscale, hipster type coffee place with expensive lattes and stuff like that. like that and these two goth girls come in and sit at the table next to me and one of them says to the other one uh yeah i like this place because it's really quiet and it's not too fancy like whenever i go into starbucks it's just so nice that i'm afraid i'm gonna like spill something yeah um i think her friend was as confused as i was because she didn't really respond that I'm afraid I'm going to spill something. Yeah. I think her friend was as confused as I was because she didn't really respond.

But the same girl later said, you know, I've always wanted a lower back tattoo. That one. Yeah. I mean, I still haven't forgiven David Milch for abandoning Deadwood to make Bonnie from Cincinnati. Oh, wow. Wow.

Did you listen to any other part of the call? No. Can you play it back? But I remember, and I was just thinking about this today. When I was in Atlanta. Season one. Outside of it. So I was in the horrible racist part. I was in the like the horrible racist part like I was

in Marietta Georgia and they were like uh the the guy I was staying with a friend from elementary school who was getting married and he was like oh you know my sister she's the bohemian type she likes to hang out at the Starbucks and it was like where they were starbucks was like the yeah like the she she like was it was she she or it was bohemian like both it was whatever you needed it to be it was like whatever gay not football watching kind of like it was like there was real down home yeah it is it is like like in the 90s that's how i think of starbucks it's like oh this is a fancy place when you could almost when you could almost see the uh the mermaids mons pubis yes but what was the but they body painted her a little suit on her. Well, what is it called?

When, when it, something switches from like, you know, like ordering a latte in the nineties, that was a hilarious. Oh, right.

Yeah. And now it's just a thing everybody does all the time. Always. Well, is there a name for that? Where it just becomes like, it starts out as like, Oh,

that should be. I remember like sushi when we were kids. It was like, they're eating raw fish. Seaweed. Yeah. And now my kids would eat seaweed. Yes. If that's all I fed them, they would love it.

They'd eat it out of the water. Oh, boy. But yeah, now I walk into a Starbucks now and I'm like, this place stinks. Yeah. Yeah. It's, uh, and it's loud and it's, uh, weird. Anytime I hear a song in Starbucks, then I, which is unfair. I automatically don't like liking that song.

Yeah. It's like hearing music in a, uh or indigo store same but they only play the worst i every now and again i'll be in the chapters and like look around for staff to show my like flabbergasted face of like this can't be a song sand of wood and the and then listening to the candle. Well that is not a song. That is not a song. That cannot be a song. What I don't like is

every year there's new Christmas songs and you're like what? No. We have our selection of Christmas songs. We don't need once a decade for the past three decades there's been one good one. Yeah.

I mean, although following that logic, we, we wouldn't have, it's a Pokemon go Christmas, which it's Pokemon go kind of Christmas. And your final phone call. Hey Dave,

Graham and Mr. Obama. Oh, that's from Vancouver. Obama Oh Sasha from Vancouver Sasha That word comes from a couple years ago My ex-girlfriend was talking to one of her friends And she said

You know I've been listening to a lot of Michael Jackson recently And he keeps mentioning this guy in his song And I have no idea who it is And her friend was like Oh, who could that be? Is it Eddie? Billy Jean?

She's like, no. Who is this Chamone guy he keeps referencing? Ramon Chamone. Everybody knows that. Joey Chamone. Ramon Chamone. I used to think he was saying something when he did that. Chamone.

Yeah. I thought it was something that I was like, I'll learn that word when I get older. Yeah. Yeah. Like jabroni. Yeah. He was referring to Israeli Prime Minister Jamon Karez. It's just him being frustrated. It's him trying to open a car door but the person inside is like wait

and he's like no it's not i can't unlock it while you're doing it i mean and then he gets in and he's like I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I

I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I I'm still going to go to the end of the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the end of the movie. I'm still going to go to the movie. I'm still going to go to the movie. I'm was it alright I think so man oh man what a guy I know still going I know still going he's like the

energizer buddy of spoops but I think of Weird Al like I mean Carl Wilson wrote that piece about how

there will be no because now everybody's Weird Al with their Twitter and their YouTubes you know I look back at weird owl the way people must

look back on, you know, the great heavyweight boxers. Just like the age of lions is over. Yeah. They'll never be another weird owl. I would like a I would like to do a puzzle.

If anyone out there is a puzzle maker, I would like to do a puzzle if anyone out there is a puzzle maker I would like to do a puzzle of imagery of Weird Al songs that would be great I mean one of your earliest bits of yours that I can remember was the thing about when you get a song

in your head but you get the Weird Al yeah like I only know the Weird Al lyrics it was that way with in your head but you get the weird owl yeah like i only know the weird owl lyrics yeah so good it's uh it was that way with um that smells like teen spirit forever because i didn't know what the lyrics were but then he he did his was more enunciated yeah weird owl is one of those like you really like first of all every kid i knew their first album or their first whatever it was their first sexual experience they all lost their virginity to amish paradise like a surgeon

and uh but it's like at weird owls one of those things where like you're a kid there's nothing greater in the world so then you become like a surly teen and you're like, weird Al, like, I'm too cool for that. And he just waits for you. Yeah. He knows, don't worry. I know what you're going through. I know you're growing into yourself. You'll be back.

Yeah. There's, that's when there's one set of footprints. When weird Al carried you. Yeah. There's one Hawaiian shirt. Oh boy Well that brings us to the end Of this here podcast Charlie, your book

You can get it online in Canada and America Yes Get ahead of next year's Christmas show With property values Get the Before one day It's going to maybe be reissued with the soon to be a motion picture. And you'll be embarrassed to read the movie tie-in cover.

Yeah. Yeah. The glossy photos from the movie. Yeah. Exactly. Yeah. With Adrian Brody and, I don't know, let's say Iman. What a cast!

Who is this casting director? Very daring choice. But all your old books are out of print. Yeah. Only one book is out of print. Vancouver Special is out of print. You can get used copies of it. But everything else you can find...

Everything else you can find on the internet. And I'll sell you my Vancouver special. Well, there you go. Yeah. Autographed? By Charlie. Yeah, yeah. I wrote it while Graham and I had it, like, which was 10 years ago.

We were doing the. You had a TV show. We were doing, we were this month, 10 years ago this month, we were just making the pilot episode of the City News List. Oh, wow. We actually went, when they sent us the offers, the contracts, we were just making the pilot episode of the city news list. Oh, wow. We actually went, when they sent us the offers, the contracts, remember we went to the Starbucks. It's like a block from here. And it was the fanciest goddamn place I had ever seen. And we were like, if we want to keep up this level.

Let's have celebratory. You got, you were spraying lattes all over. Yeah. You were wearing goggles. So we had this, we had the show, but I would stay after work and write Vancouver Special. Yeah. That's crazy. So in a lot of ways, the book belongs to your work computer.

In a lot of ways, you could say that the Rogers Corporation should sue me for whatever that book is worth. The sugar people. Yeah. Roger. I'm not worried about Rogers. I'm, I'm, my contract's with Huawei. What? What?

Um, and you know. What else you got? You got a CD? Uh, Property Values is the name of the book. And then, uh, yeah, I've got a comedy album called Fatherland. Yeah. Uh, and that's available from 604 Records. You can find it on

Juno nominated album do you know about that yeah I do know yeah it was Juno nominated yeah

fantastic thanks thanks so much for being our Christmas guest thanks very much for having me your Christmas

for a guest over here and that the Elements that's Dana Carvey's first movie role

he was a mime in Spinal Tap anything that we need to I just want everyone to

have a safe week in between Christmas and New Year's take it easy don't go snowmobiling

no if you can avoid it don't go snowmobiling don't go chasing waterfalls if you like the show why don't you tellmobiling. Don't go chasing waterfalls. If you like the show,

why don't you tell some friends and come on back next week for our last episode of the year. And also, we have a live show in February that we should tell everyone about.

February 17th at the Rio Theater in Vancouver. Fun. Yeah. Come see that as part of JFL Northwest. Put all those things

into your search engine and you'll find tickets. Yeah, if you like the show, tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. He's here! He's here! MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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