Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 566 - Tom Henry

Episode Date: January 21, 2019

Comedian Tom Henry joins us to talk getting upset by mountains, broken toys, and the post office.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 566 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he loves tennis, but he'll never play doubles. Mr. Dave Shumka. I just said I never have.

Oh, I say you never will. I thought it was off the table. I definitely don't have three friends. No, but you just need one friend, two enemies. That's true. Yeah, it doesn't have to be all but you all you just need one friend two enemies that's true yeah it doesn't have to be all friendly it can be really competitive uh yeah uh no it still seems like a lot of like a lot of organizing a lot of organizing a lot of calls back and forth yeah no i understand i mean i've never put together a tennis game, but it sounds like a lot, like a phone call chain. It is a real kind of like... It's like a phone call chain.

I guess you nailed it. Our guest today, a very funny comedian, has an album out that he doesn't care if you buy it. As long as you just listen to it. You can stream it on maybe a Spotifyify or uh wherever you stream titles is it on title yeah you're on title and spotify those are that's it nice well those are the two no they're big everywhere um uh it's tom henry kills yeah our guest is tom henry hi hello hi um hi thanks for joining us thanks Thanks for having me. Oh, it's a pleasure.

Should we get to know us? Yeah, let's do it. Get to know us. Tom, hello. Hey. Welcome to Vancouver. How long have you been here? A few days.

A few days. But you've been traveling for a while, right? Yes. My girlfriend, who you guys know, her parents live on the island, so I was there for a while, and now I'm here. How was the island? And for our listeners, you know his girlfriend, too. Yes. Kim Cattrall.

Yep. Oh, man. Remember last time Kim was on? Oh, boy. She was just talking about so many horny things. Do you think she's horny off the show? Why are you asking him yeah have you seen someone i think we talked about her once on the show and someone posted

a video of her and her ex-husband he plays stand-up bass and she does uh scatting yeah or like beat poetry? That's probably do you think that they discovered their mutual love for that after they met or was that how they met or

did that just develop over time? I'm sure they would tell you about it. They met at some kind of dork convention. It's the only place that stand-up bass

is allowed now. Wasn't there a time that stand-up bass was like the coolest? 1930s Harlem. Yeah. In 1991. So I married an expert. So in that movie, the whole thing is that he's making a living as a beat poet. Oh, I forget.

Like, at the beginning, he doesn't have a day job or if he does that doesn't play into the storyline very much i i can't remember it okay let's take a break this is the our sub podcast so i watched so i married an axe murderer and we're back wow that was great yeah yeah i didn't know they played there. She goes so much in that movie. Yeah. And, uh, you know,

spoiler alert. He does make a living as a beat. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That is cool though. To make a living as a poet. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, it's sounds awesome. It's like, uh, you know, you're getting paid per poem, per,

per probably per rhyme. Nice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, have you ever, you know you're getting paid per poem per performance probably per rhyme nice yeah yeah yeah have you ever was there ever a movie job that you wanted when you were a kid that you saw like I feel like there were a lot of ad executives in movies

a lot of maybe architects I definitely saw High Fidelity and didn't think they were losers saving up to buy that record store yeah yeah yeah i feel like maybe clerks i had that same kind of feeling like oh like this is this is i want to do this yeah i actually said that recently about mall rats like oh i used to think those guys were really cool and i would go to the mall and think i'm doing it that was kind of achievable yeah that's true that was a see it do it kind of proposition the um yeah and then i don't know

like kevin smith still dresses that way he still dresses like a mall rat guy still wears back yeah yeah giant giant hockey jersey yeah but he lost a lot of weight but he still yeah but he doesn't wear a slimmer he kept the same wayne gretzky jersey yeah yeah yeah yeah well i guess maybe sentimental attachment i don't know um how was how was the island it was really nice yeah almost too beautiful how do you mean well i feel that way about bc in general like um i look at the mountains yeah i didn't see a mountain until i was 25 okay and uh they kind of freak me out. Go ahead. Yeah, go on. I want to know more.

Like, I feel like I'm in the movie Inception or something. Like the ground. It feels not real to me. Right. Like there's this, it's too much. What's just right? A hill? A hill is good. Yeah.

A park. A park is nice. No, they look too good when the sun hits them. Yeah. And then I feel like I lose touch with reality kind of. It does feel weird. It's upsetting to me.

When you're in the city and you can see them so clearly. Yeah. That's a bit weird. I actually had a theory, which is that the reason there's so much clouds and rain is to sort of give you a break from them otherwise you're sort of freaking out all the time yeah like i think it's related like i think the climate is related to the mountains like the fact that we're trapped between an ocean and some mountains. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Right.

But that might be God's plan. Yeah. Yeah. Just to say, just take it easy for a bit. You don't need to see these all the time. Yeah. Go get a coffee. It is weird that they're like, for people who aren't from here, Vancouver has these

mountains surrounding it and you can't see them you know 200 days a year yeah and then like the other day you could see them very vividly and it is it is distracting it's pornographic yeah I find it upsetting um okay go on I was just going to ask you, you're a city dweller. Yeah. I'm from Toronto and I've been there. Yeah. All the time. The first mountain I saw was in Portland, but I was just on the highway and you could

see it in the distance. I guess it was Mount Hood. Okay. I'll take your word for it. It's just a volcano. Oh. And I freaked out about that. And that was far in the distance out of a car window.

Well, how did you freak out? Did you jerk the wheel? I just thought, I wasn't driving, thankfully. But no, but did you reach over and jerk the wheel? We can't survive this. It's too weird. I don't know. You guys don't follow me with this?

You guys are used to them. Yeah. We're mountain people You're both from here? I'm from Alberta I feel the same way about airplanes When you go through the clouds And above the clouds

And everybody's kind of like yawning and going to sleep We're above the clouds You can look at the clouds From a direction you can never look at them i close the window it's too bright yeah they're like leaning back on their laptop um yeah i don't know did i ever think that was neat maybe no i definitely like definitely love that uh approaching a city like above the clouds i mean it gets it gets a little repetitive yeah but if you get a window seat and as you're coming in for a landing that's real nice my god

look at all the ants look at they're all ants driving around do their stupid ant jobs on our way back from the island we drove in with my girlfriend's parents and uh i was looking on the ferry like this amazing vista yeah the mountains and it was a sunny day they're bouncing off there and i'm i was just alone like they're all used to it yeah they're all in the car waiting to get off the ferry and then i went in to the car and they were watching um like some terrible stand-up tell jokes about his wife on their phone. And you're like I go there's literally heaven out there.

Yeah. And you're watching hell. But in Toronto on every corner there's a guy doing stand-up about his wife. Yeah, that's my mountains. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, I like the weird thing I remember seeing and it like blowing my mind was the first

time i saw like um like a nuclear plant oh yeah i saw one of those and i thought you're gonna say a nuclear explosion yeah and it blew my mind where were you i'm not allowed to say, but it's not there anymore. Don't try to find it. But like the fact that that like I've only ever seen them on the Simpsons and then it was all of a sudden a real thing. That was I've seen them in Europe. Yeah. And like I thought you people were like, I thought you were cool. Yeah.

Yeah. Windmills and such. Yeah. All windmills and tulips um yeah i think that's where i saw i saw it in scotland and uh yeah it was one of those things like oh my god there it is the the thing i never thought i'd see in real life so i can't there is that does that relate to it yeah i guess so. I'm trying. I mean, was the nuclear power plant formed millions of years?

Hard to say. It's hard because we don't know. Yeah. I mean, I didn't ask, but everybody else in the car seemed pretty cool with it. I was the only one kind of having an episode about it. Yeah. But yeah, I don't ever think about the mountains yeah i know they're there yeah although it's the kind of like i've lived here my whole life and i i've never been in a conversation where someone didn't correct someone like

like i couldn't tell you the names of all the mountains no and even the like three big ski hills someone will always say oh that's grouse no that's cypress like there's always a little bit of a a bit of a disagreement among people do you ever go and ski up there i have oh okay i never have like since i've always kept them at mountains at distance i don't i like i don't uh i i have a healthy fear of the mountain. That's good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But your fear is more that the mountains are going to come to you. No, just that they make me question my reality with their beauty.

Right. That's my issue. Literally too beautiful. And I don't mean that as a compliment. If you think that's too beautiful, I've got this video of a plastic bag in the wind. I got you to check out we went back to my girlfriend's car and her parents were watching this video of a plastic bag in the wind um and uh you've been to vancouver before though this is this is something that's boggled you every time you've come out here i was here one other time only oh okay last year yeah um

did you do anything new this time that you didn't do last time no it sounded like you might you might have yeah yeah i spent most of the time just watching bandersnatch oh yeah i watched that as well different, all the I'm trying to get all the different endings. No, I'm joking. That would be awful. I did it. I did all the, yeah. Did you do all the five hours of footage? No, like I skipped

on my second watching it, I just skipped through to where you get to make the choices and then. Oh, you can do that? Yeah. Oh, okay. What does it do? So it comes up on your screen, you come to a cross choices and then oh you can do that yeah okay yeah um what does it do so it it comes up on your screen you come to a crossroads and it asks you what do you want to do yeah it gives you two options or three options okay two options up until later on in it it starts

getting crazier and there's uh passwords that you have to put into a thing to open a safe and no thanks yeah it gets yeah early on it's like red shoes or black shoes yeah yeah and then it's then it's like slowly it gets more intense don't roll your eyes at me will the color of your shoes play into the ending oh i don't know um but i i enjoyed it i I used to love those Choose your own adventure I loved them too But this

Was not for me I felt like I was You know when you're playing A video game And they go to those Cut scenes And they're way too long And you're going

Just let me play again I don't want to know This story you wrote I don't want to see these Wooden characters walk around with their arms not swinging. There's nothing worse than a video game that's really like somebody's child dies.

Which I've seen a couple of. And you're supposed to get sad for them? For the video game? These freak video game players? Or characters? So it felt like that meanwhile you've killed a thousand people in the game yeah oh one child died though it felt like that except you didn't get to play a video game yeah so so that see that's what i liked about it it, was that it was just like a movie with, you could change the soundtrack, you could change the whatever.

I think you're going to see more of it. That's what I think. Check this out, though. You could put any movie you want on and play whatever music you want on your stereo. Check this out. Yeah, maybe if you've got both of those things. Maybe if you're one of the five richest kings in europe but uh people like us yeah i'm only the sixth richest king in europe i have to watch with the soundtrack provided i can't do that the syncing up a wizard of oz with the dark side of the moon yeah did you ever do that i've

uh i've seen it they synced it on a video online oh okay i didn't take the two pieces of did you watch the whole thing no i fast forwarded to when it got to the colorful part i didn't realize there's 45 minutes of black and white at the beginning i knew it was like a big switch but i thought it was really early. Yeah. I don't think I've seen that whole movie. Really? Yeah.

Well, I know I've seen it a bunch of times, but I didn't realize it was 45 minutes of black and white. It's a lot. It's a lot of black and white. Yeah. But it's a whole story. You're supposed to like recognize all the characters.

Hey, at one time, all movies were black and white. That's true. For more than 45 minutes. You don't know that. I have an inkling. You don't know that movies were more than 45 minutes.

I've seen Gone with the Wind. That's not black and white. I haven't seen it. I know that it's four hours long is it really yeah jesus um and i think still to this day adjusted for inflation it's the highest grossing movie ever which doesn't make sense if you're like that you can only have one showing a day yeah but uh they made everybody pay through the nose. Yeah. Why? Was it something? Like, was it the first to have something?

It was a popular novel. Yeah. But it wasn't like the first in color or anything like that? I still think it's in black and white. That's true. They said damn in it. Do you think like they got, because the posters posters were for these movies were in color they did the you don't know that no because they still have the posters from back in the day i don't think people dreamed in color until like 1962

why why did it take them longer like movies were in color but they were still dreaming well because i used to dream these tv technology you had to see enough color on movies before you could dream it yeah yeah okay yeah a lot of those movies were shot on black and white and then color those are hard to watch the colorized, because it doesn't look right. Everything's hard to watch back then. Everything's so slow. It's true. Well, they didn't have a Thanos to come in and really just kick the story into high gear.

Yeah, we got to get some Thanos in there. What's your favorite old movie? Oh, well, It's a wonderful life oh yeah we were just watching that for christmas you don't uh do you not find it sad i do i cry at the end every time every time every year but the ending isn't sad it's joyous yeah yeah that's true. But that's the stuff that makes it. That's where you cry. Not these video game children who die. I cry during the joyous part of the video game. There's a video game version of It's a Wonderful Life when he's trying to get back Zuzu's pedals and stuff.

He's like John Wick, killing hundreds of people to got these pedals back yeah he just just kicks mr potter's head um yeah i uh there was a video game based on uh like the godfather uh-huh and that was i that was like cutscene mania if you want to talk about cutscenes oh boy they just animated the movie in video game yeah

look yeah basically and then you got to walk through the door or not that choice is up to you oh should I leave the cannoli

your choice I hate cut scenes. I didn't watch Bandersnatch. I haven't watched it. Don't. I watched one season of Black Mirror and I thought, I get this. Yeah. Technology makes things weird.

They're all trapped in a computer. Yeah. That's not the ending to every episode. I think 80%. That they're trapped in a computer? They're some kind of, what do you call it? T-I? No, that's the rapper.

That's the rapper. What do you know about that? AI? AI, that's the one. If you had just gone alphabetically, it's not B.I. From the A team. B.I. Baracus.

Yeah, A.I. Speaking of weird shows, there's a show now on TV where a singer comes out dressed as a mascot, and the whole panel of celebrities have to try and guess who it is. That's great. Wow. It's based on a Korean mascot, and the whole panel of celebrities have to try and guess who it is. That's great. Wow. It's based on a Korean show, and it's...

Do they sing through... Do they have a microphone in the mascot suit, or is it all muffled? No, they're wired up, and they're not necessarily singers. The episode I saw, it was a football player. Oh, okay. I have to guess what the football player would sound like singing? Yeah. That's impossible. Bad bad i guess bad so if a singer would be kind of obvious because they have a famous voice yeah yeah yeah right

but but is it uh famous when you're looking at a giant uh foam chicken guy because they come out in a giant mascot costume so thatends who it is. Yeah. Macy Gray, probably. If Macy Gray was a mascot, she'd be a giant foam chicken? No, no. You could recognize her distinctive voice. Right. Also, I think she'd be a good mascot.

She would. She seems tall. Yeah, the Calgary Macy Grays. Just like a foam rubber version of her. This would be a good mascot. Anyone who's like big and like huggable. Yeah. Meatloaf.

Meatloaf. Yeah. The Rock. Rock would be a great mascot. I thought, okay. I thought we were doing singers. He sings. Maybe on this show.

He sings in Moana. On James Corden, I'm sure. At some point. He'd be a good mascot. On James Corden, I'm sure, at some point. He'd be a good mascot. Yeah, cuddly. Oh, boy, is he. Full of energy. That guy, he's unstoppable, that James Corden.

We've tried. Try as we might. But he hosts a talk show every day, and then he also is instilling movies and voices and cartoons and stuff. Is he still? Yeah. Yeah. Every other late night host is like, this is what I,

this is my job now. I mean, Jimmy Fallon does make that Ben and Jerry's ice cream. Nah, he makes it. Yep. Yeah. It's weird.

I didn't realize that the celebrities that were connected to it had to make he had a scandal that brought down his tv show and took him off the air i hope they would keep making that ice cream or at least replace it with someone else yeah i think that tonight's got a good cookie there's like a vein of cookie through it that really does it for me. But that it's not a play on his name. Right. It's the tonight dough. So it could be,

I guess Johnny Carson used to, uh, have the tonight dough. Yeah. It used to be that. It was handed off. And then Conan was supposed to have it. Yeah.

Yeah. For a little bit. Yeah. It was, they put a little sherbet in it, uh, for Conan's hair. That's not bad.

It's fine. It makes me not want to have it. It wouldn't be good with sherbet in it. No, you're right. You an ice cream fan at all? I enjoy it. Do you love it though? Dave loves it. Well,

let's say I love it, but I don't need it okay what do you need yeah what do you need and take your time yeah bread i guess yeah okay oh yeah yeah are you do you like all kinds of bread i love bread yeah yeah top five and this is from my days as a record store owner. Top five breads. I like sourdough. That's a great one. Bagels. Yes.

You started strong. Starting to waver here. French. French. Do you like all white breads? No, I like the other ones too. But your top five sourdough is not white, is it? I guess it's its own thing.

Yeah. Sour. And you have to have a... Mother. Mother. Yeah. You have to have a mother. What about one of the old style

ones, like a pumpernickel or something like that? Would you even know? I wouldn't know a pumpernickel to see it. I know it looks big and oval shaped. I like those. Yeah? Yeah. I like it all.

I like it all. Yeah? Yeah, let's talk about something else. No, I want to deep dive on Brett. All right. Boy, I mean, Graham knows how to make a guy squirm. I was ready for this kind of personal deep dive. Yeah.

How about a crumpet? Does that count as bread? I don't know. I'm not even. Crumpets are good. Is it like some of you with a jelly or a jam? No, no. It's kind of like an English muffin, but it's like something you eat with a jelly or a jam? No, no. It's like, it's kind of like an English muffin, but it's squishy and spongy.

An English muffin is squishy and spongy. Yeah. Spongier. Spongier than an English muffin? Yeah. What about an Australian? What were those? Do you remember those Australian toaster cakes or whatever?

There was a brief campaign, and it was, might have been Australian muffins, and their tagline was, better than those hard English ones. Oh, okay. And it's like an Eggo sort of situation? Is Eggo a bread? Guys, can we not talk about this topic? Can we talk about a different topic

no we're talking about bread dave let me throw this back on you what's the best ice cream um oh boy i don't like it i don't like any ice cream i just i went back and forth um here's here are my top five at the moment john cususack. John Cusack, Jack Black, The Bald Guy, Tim Robbins, and the Danish Lady. The five stars of High Fidelity. Top five.

And also Joan Cusack. Oh, yes. I like the Ben & Jerry's brownie one. The Ben & Jerry's tonight dough um i like the ben and jerry's brownie one the ben and jerry's tonight dough i like the haagen-dazs peanut butter and chocolate yeah i like the local place uh rain or shine they make this great uh honeycomb one and rounding out my top five uh vanilla vanilla classic the classic vanilla wow in the the kind that comes in a tub from canadian brand chapman's ooh chapman so when people so when people

good tagline when people when people refer to vanilla sex uh do you go that's the that's what it's in my top five sexes how dare you i mean also what's wrong with vanilla yeah why does it always get attacked by the horny yes here's some great things about vanilla sex you put a little uh chocolate sauce on it yeah a little cookie crumble you can incorporate you know a banana the irony is if you did that literally in sex, it wouldn't be vanilla. The, uh, why did vanilla, was it the first ice cream? Is that why it always gets ganged up on? It's the, it's, it's the basic ice cream. I guess it's the basic.

The first ice cream was probably just milk flavored. Yeah. And people probably went fucking nuts. Rock flavored. Lining People probably went fucking nuts. Rock flavored. Lining up down the block. It's such a hot day. Try this. Yeah.

Oh, it's milky. And cold. It's cold and milky. It's like a cold glass of milk, but it's not, it's harder. Yeah. Oh man. I'm just thinking like how candies must have sucked. Like, back in the old days when they were just, like, when they hadn't harnessed the power of corn to make, like, fructose or whatever.

And make it, like, a thousand times sweeter than humanly possible. Yeah. Like, when it was just, like, a little bit of sugar and peppermint. Good luck with your candies it's sugar on cinnamon yeah yeah but like just powder you pour in your mouth what's your favorite candy now like modern candy just like a goo just like a high fructose goo like one of those things that comes in a nose like like a plastic nose, and it's supposed to be boogers.

Yeah, yeah. Sweet boogers. That's my favorite. Graham carries one of those around. It's like a vape. Like an inhaler. Yeah. There's a, where I've been working, there's a guy, I swear he is outside every single time that I leave the building vaping.

He's always outside vaping. Uh, do you think you get to vape more often than you would smoke? Cause he seems to be out there like way more than a smoker would be. Right. Uh, yeah, it is. Um, well, cause it used to be like an office had like 50 people going to smoke twice a day yeah if not more but now you just have one guy vaping for 50 people like as long as they get the complete hours as long as they do their monthly yeah they just they just pass the

the vape rig around the office and if it it's your day, you have to go out. Yeah, but if you don't want to do it, this guy will do your vapes for you. It's like a lottery pool. Yeah. Nice. When you walk through those vape clouds, too, you smell like it for a while. Yeah. Like some kind of grape.

Yeah. Like grape? Yeah, some kind of grape. Also, I saw a guy on a construction site smoking a pipe. Oh, that's good's good yeah like a corn cob pipe that's cool that was cool and he didn't seem like a guy who was trying it on for fun like he looks like a guy who had been doing it did he have a button nose and two eyes made out of coal yeah i mean he was wearing a big hat it was a magic hat yeah there must have been some magic.

But I don't think I've ever seen a guy just casually out on the street smoking a pipe that wasn't doing it as a, hey, look at me, I'm smoking a pipe. This guy just had it like Popeye, and he was just doing it. Oh, hey, Popeye's here. I sure am.

What? Oh, Bluto stay away from all of us that's Dave Coulier if anybody's wondering just walked in and then left he's back

was the guy was the pipe guy doing construction? Yeah Oh wow Yeah, so that's probably not even convenient for him He seemed pretty Like an angry man Yeah, you used to smoke Yeah

Have you ever smoked? I've smoked in my life, but not addictively That, like seeing someone With a cigarette in their mouth doing something like, you know, fixing something, doing a job, looks really cool. But you must be getting smoke right in your face. Yeah, this guy I think was getting smoke right in his face. But pipe smoke smells nice. Yeah, but my point is it seems like the kind of thing you usually have to hold with one hand and have a flame to pretty often i think you're thinking of like you you like mimed a sherlock holmes size of pipe don't tell them

what i'm miming the uh i don't know i don't know from pipes i never smoked one but this guy's doing construction digging shovels that was a pretty small shovel by the way that he mimed as well I don't know. I don't know from pipes. I never smoked one. But this guy's doing construction. Digging shovels. That was a pretty small shovel, by the way, that he mimed as well. I don't have a lot of space over it. Like a home-sized. Yeah. No, you're right.

Maybe he was just trying it on for a look. I don't know. But he didn't look like a guy who. No, I'm actually trying to support your point that even though it's inconvenient, he still does it because it's his... because he needs to. Right. It's his thing. I'm back. I was working on the

boots. Now do a bullwinkle. Okay, why don't I do a bullwinkle, my friend? Rocky! Whoop-a-whoop-a-whoop-a-whoop-a! Well, what do I say? The impression is that he isn't sure with the catchphrase.

Uh, well, let's check out the other side of the story or whatever. Let's check out the other side of the story. And then he throws to a cartoon? Because he was always impartial journalism. Were there recurring bits that they did? He would say watching me pull something out of my hat

was the big thing and then he would pull out I don't know, his sleeve would get ripped off. It would be a different thing and then he would say Well, if we go uh and that's the other side of the story well now let's hear from the cartoon bank uh when you were a kid and like did you want to be a comedian when you were a kid? Or just a voice man? Just a voice.

Yeah. I'm in awe of you. No, I didn't. No? No. So you never like, when did you decide that you were like, I'm going to be a comedian? Because when I was a kid, I thought you had to be able to do impressions to be a comedian. I still feel that way sometimes.

Like. I still feel ashamed that I can't act, I can't do anything technically funny. Like, uh, like a Pratt fall or, uh, or. Yeah. Yeah. Just a voice. Uh, yeah. Or like, yeah, you know, Martin Short style.

Right. Like a real showman. Yeah, yeah, you know, Martin Short style. Right. Like a real showman. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or Robin Williams. Yeah. A guy who could show up and say, I'm funny. Yeah. And it's always disappointing when people are expecting that.

Yeah. And people will tell you to your face. They'll be like, well, you don't seem very funny. Oh, all the time Especially after a show Yeah I mean I heard this story After Robin Williams died that he

Maybe you heard it too Somebody put it out there Somebody's family had just been at some horrific funeral Their dad killed their mom or something. Anyway. Jeez. There's a real cut scene there. They're sitting at a,

after the funeral, after the funeral, they're sitting at a donut shop and they're all look sullen and they have their suits on. And then Robin Williams happens to be there. It's in wherever he lived, San Francisco. And he walks up and he just cheers them up with his humor.

Wow. And I thought, you know, I couldn't do that ever. Yeah. I don't have the gift of humor unless it's in a kind of a certain context and I've been writing it. Yeah. But it's also bizarre that you would see mourners and be like, showtime. Here we go. Daddy's eating tonight.

Yeah, there are those like celebrity stories. The one I'm thinking of is Mr. Rogers. The famous story about him, like somewhere he was, he had a driver for the day. And I forget what it was but he like had to go to some event i knock over my water in every episode uh he had to go to something and the driver was just gonna wait in the car and he's like no come in and so he like the guy who was driving around had to or got to come and do something with mr rogers some event and then later mr rogers went back to the guy's house

and sang songs with his family all night. The guy's like, I just want to go home. I'm off the clock. We've been hanging out all day. I just came from a funeral. I wanted Robin Williams. I got Mr. Rogers and a half-remembered story from a funeral I wanted Robin Williams I got Mr. Rogers and a half-remembered story from a vodcaster

and Popeye's here too Dave what's going on with you man guys it's January when is it appropriate uh when when are you supposed to take down your christmas lights outdoor oh i like it when people leave them up until like it starts getting a little bit lighter out yeah yeah like uh i i so now ours are up but sorry did you have a did you have an answer i think think you can do year-round.

You can do year-round? Yeah. Because when I was a kid, that was something that I was like, oh, this is something grown-ups make fun of. It's people who don't take down their Christmas lights. Right. Yeah. Do you light them all year-round?

I don't mind. I think it's boring when people make fun of that. Yeah. Now that I'm a grown-up and i've done it i it's gonna be a real hassle to take them down yeah yeah is this the first no this isn't the first time you put this is the first time i've done it with a ladder okay all right where it was like i'm uh this is i never actually i assumed I knew how a ladder worked like that you had to like extend sure and then there's some

there's some sort of rope in there I don't know I feel like there's like a mini rope there's like a little thing to make sure it doesn't all come down there's like a little stopper system and then you go up and you and you try to do as many lights as you can to see how, like, within your arm span. Oh, yeah.

You can do six feet of lights at a time, and you don't want to have to go up and down too many times. Because every time you go up, you have to go down and, like, put, like, it's weird having. What were you putting it on with? Hmm? Like staples? No, the new lights these days come with clips. Oh. So you clip them onto the gutter.

Oh, because like back in like, all I remember when I was a kid is my dad had to put hooks in like where the gutter was and then he just used a ski pole. Oh, to put them up? To put them up. Oh. Yeah. Pretty clever. That's a good idea.

Yeah. Yeah. But I didn't realize that they're self. They're self clipping up. Oh yeah. Pretty clever. That's a good idea. Yeah. But I didn't realize that they, they're self, they're self clipping now, but, uh, if your dad would like to come put some hooks up here,

uh, it was, so yeah, I've, I've, I'm curious about like, because it's, it's too cold and rainy now.

I don't want to take them down, but I'm not lighting them up anymore. No? Although, actually, some of them light up automatically. Yeah. I like it. I like it when it's dark at, like, 5 o'clock to see lights. It's still nice.

Mm-hmm. The place across the street from me had a giant inflatable minion. It came down the other day. Those things, I think think are really uh energy consuming yeah oh yeah there's no doubt about it that it's like a hair dryer is basically keeping them up all night long for i think my enjoyment i don't yeah i don't know who else in the neighborhood was uh and they're really like a wintry like if you were live somewhere snowy it looks cool to have a snowman yeah up all the time or like one of those uh uh snow globes that have like styrofoam spraying around

inside is that what it is yeah it like all of it screams not great for the environment yeah yeah but in here where everyone's front yard is just muddy. Yeah. Yeah. It just looks like I'm only keeping this inflated so I don't get it covered in mud. Yeah. And then I don't know how you like, because like I've folded an inflatable mattress. I can't imagine. Brag much?

Yeah. He's kind of Mr. Inflatable Mattress around here and I saw this family and they were sad and I was like check out this well my

my dad killed my mom but look at this guy inflatable mattress and then deflate and then fold and then fold but he does the whole thing

for the effect it takes a while to inflate though and then a while to def fall and then fall but it's just the whole thing for the effect it takes a while to inflate though and then a while to deflate I roll around on it to deflate it yeah the there's like one house trying to think of what street it's on but they've got every conceivable

decoration it's still up I saw that house last year yeah yeah and it's on. But they've got every conceivable decoration. It's still up. I saw that house last year. Yeah, yeah. And it's all lit still. I loved it. Yeah. It's like their whole front yard is just like, it's like a garage sale of Christmas.

I have such an immense appreciation for people who do that. Have you ever? No. No? You don't decorate your place for the holidays holidays i don't think i've ever been somewhere where i could what about carving a jack-o'-lantern would you ever do that i've done it yeah yeah do you ever like you know for you have windows at your place you can cut out paper snowflakes yeah that's true unless you don't have windows at your place you just assumed oh boy

you don't you're not in the hole In prison are you? Yeah How'd you know? Out on good behavior Yeah But normally I'm in solitary For bad behavior Abby's watching Suits

Okay The TV show Suits It's about It stars Gabrielle Mock Gabrielle Mock Who's that? He's the star of Suits. Okay.

Meghan Markle is like a sixth lead on that show. Is she still in it? No. Oh, that would be awesome. Yeah. The princess. Gotta go. Who's the sixth lead.

Gotta go do Suits. Bye, Your Majesty. Does she still have to call her Your Majesty? The queen? Yeah. i don't know if i really don't know mummy mummy ma'am ma'am yeah ma'am probably ma'am yeah they don't talk just the wedding day and that was it yeah do you think you know how like what did you have names for your grandma and grandpa that weren't grandma and grandpa like boobie and moochie my grandma was moochie but we didn't call her that to her face like abby's mom the kids call abby's mom gg oh gg yeah uh no just standard

because i know a lot of people have like Opa and Ding Ding. It's nice. Yeah. But do you think the royal babies are like your highness? And Papa. Yeah. I don't know. I don't know anything about like every time I see them on hello Canada magazine, I realized I know nothing about the Royal family.

I forgot that they got married this year. I don't, I couldn't remember who Meghan Markle was married to. Um, the other one's name is. Will. Yeah. And Kate.

Will and Kate. Yes. Plus eight. Yeah. Um, shaking your head. I don't know why I brought up suits. Uh, Kate. Yes. Plus eight. Yeah. Shaking your head. I don't know why I brought up suits.

Because Abby's watching. Yeah, but it had something to do with something. I think it was non sequitur. No, it was sequitur. It was all sequitur. We were talking about Christmas decorations. Yeah, we were. Oh, there's a guy.

There's an episode. That's what suits is about. There's an episode where she was watching and one of the guys was in prison and he had to go in solitary for 24 hours and he was like oh yeah fuck man oh and like if i was in prison wouldn't just a day of solitary be nice oh it'd be so nice like i'm saying, I think it would be punishment after too long, but 24 hours is a nice little... Yeah, you'd be able to nap, you'd be able to scratch a thing on the wall. Scratch one thing.

Yeah. Well, you did it for an hour. You did 24 of them. And then, you know, what else could you do? Slam your fists on the wall. I was framed! Sing. Show off your beautiful singing voice. You slam your fists on the wall I was framed Sing Show off your beautiful singing voice

Let my people go Popeye You have a beautiful singing voice I'm still trying to think of something you could do in there In solitary? Can you bring a book? I don't think It always seems very dark in solitary in every TV show.

No lights. Just that little slot they put the meal through. Yeah. And the meal slot's usually on the floor, which is gross. That you're getting your food. But what are the, otherwise they're putting it through at eye level. Whoops. You landed on the floor.

Surely they could coordinate something. Like, I'm putting it through now. You hold on to the tray you got it you got it blink twice um there was a it's like a kevin bacon movie that i watched about a guy who was in solo man yeah and like uh it was said it was based on a true story but then when i read the true story it was like the guy was in solitary that was the thing that they took from the true story and the rest of it was all crazy made up like crazy made up but like this guy was in solitary so fair enough yeah so Yeah. So then, uh, someone else got green mile powers.

That's another thing you do at solitary. Um, play the harmonica. If you're lucky enough to have somebody smuggle one in for you, they catch on to you pretty quick. You can make your own Bruno, uh, your own Bruno. Oh,

Bruno. Yeah. What's Bruno? It's a prison wine that you're making a toilet oh yeah yeah i thought you said make your own bruno which is like a like the borat yeah yeah yeah you could do some experimental comedy yeah i want to see the family that's mourning and a Sacha Baron Cohen character comes over

and I guess makes them Frank's the hell out of it makes them look dumb oh boy the other thing going on with me I forgot to mention this last time so the big present that Margo wanted for Christmas

Margo's my four year old Was a Poopsie Surprise Unicorn Now you know what this is Tom Oh yeah Describe what you think a Poopsie Surprise Unicorn is Well it's a unicorn With A surprise

Of Poopsie It's not far The surprise I mean I think the surprise is You can't tell which of them you get From the box And there's only one Margot wanted She wanted Rainbow Bright Star

What were the other options Hillary Clinton Starscream Starscream from transformers yeah and uh metal butt poops a lot metal butt poops a lot okay so we uh she she did get the one she wanted okay and what was that just luck of the drop yep okay can you just buy that one or you have to get it through surprise you have to get it through surprise you can probably buy it on ebay for more because you don't want to what a racket yeah yeah um i'm sure yeah because uh there are these other dolls she likes that are all surprises as well

but uh and i know we lost one once and i was like oh i'll just go find a replacement online and it was like six times the price boy yeah that's where they get you yeah uh so anyway i uh she got this and the way she described it the the toy she wanted is you you feed it it poops out slime and you play with the slime yeah and then you disregard the toy forever like once it's made the slime yeah one use yeah it's a one use unicorn uh no it uh anyway so we we made the slime on christmas morning that's what i do that every christmas morning i get up early before everybody else make your christmas slime yeah uh uh and the slime proceeded to uh not go in the right place in inside the poopsie surprise unicorn and it broke the whole thing oh no uh it didn't like that's the surprise

is that it breaks very abby took it apart to get the slime out and the taking apart it was very impossible it was impossible to put it back together properly. Yeah. And so, we can never make slime inside it again. You can make slime on its own. Yeah, on your own time. But it will never poop. It will not poop again. And Abby...

Will it barf? It might. If you take it on like a roller coaster. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or if it tries to read a book while in a car. But Abby was so upset that she was like, it broke in 90 seconds. Within 90 seconds of being open. And I felt, I empathized with her, but I also was like, don't fall into this comedy cliche of being the parent

who's mad that the toy broke right away. But like, was it something that you did wrong or it's just a piece of crap? Yeah, it's just a poopsie surprise. How much does it cost? Tom, that's between me and my priest. But it's $80. So for that much and you don't know what it is?

Yeah. Jesus. There's something wrong in the world today and I don't know what it is. Aerosmith. Yeah. Probably Steven Tyler. You could attribute it either way. I think they did a big roundtable brainstorm on Living on the Edge.

Just write one word and then pass it around the table. Well, I'm sorry to hear that because I know that that was the present. The fact that it upset us, it did not upset Margot at all. She was just mad she couldn't play with it right away because we were digging slime out of its guts she had to watch the autopsy yeah but then it was like when you're looking up how do you is there are there you know schematics for how you put one of these things back together no No. No, there's just like some 40-year-old guy who reviews kids' toys on YouTube saying, don't buy this thing.

Thumbs down. Too late, dude. Too late, dude. Also, I should have shown that video to my kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This guy says don't buy it. This guy says don't buy it. Did you have a,

when you were a kid, a toy that it was a must have for the, I got one of those. What was the one unicorns? What was the guy who, whom I can't remember anymore. I really can't. Like you can't remember anything about it not really how old were you i feel like we might i was making it all up some kind of hypnotherapy feel like we need to to hypnotize you go back yeah extract your memories no what was it called

stretch armstrong yeah okay yeah yeah but i don't remember what it did did it stretch i felt like you were about to describe it your hands were grabbing something yeah this guy who's straight no but i remember that not working properly as well and being very upset stiff armstrong Armstrong. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's like, I feel like any toy that's that built up, you're asking, you're begging for it. Toys suck. Toys do suck. This one Christmas, my sister and I got Sega Genesis. Oh, each?

Yeah, we each got one. Cool. They go to your rooms where you have TVs. We're the children of Richard Branson. They would, too. Each get a Sega Genesis. But our mom gave it to us on Christmas Eve, which we had never done before. And we stayed up all night playing it.

And I had not really played video games much in my life. And I couldn't figure out how to beat the first boss, Dr. Robotnik. Right. In Sonic. Yeah, that's right. And,

uh, we stayed up all night until it was light out and I cried. And then, uh, there was no presents to open in the morning. And it turns out all you had to do was jump on his head. But I wasn't familiar with the vernacular of video games. Yeah,

sure. Oh boy. Uh, I really love that story because your parents just gave you this present and then left you to your own device. I'm sure my mom went to sleep. Day of all night, kids. I don't care. Yeah, exactly.

Santa's, I mean, don't say I'm so late that you'll catch Santa. Yeah. But if you do, tell him I say hey. Yeah. But you can't bring presents for tomorrow yeah that's right that was our one present yeah i mean it's a great one it was a big one yeah yeah huge huge huge yeah um what's going on with you graham and also did you have any presents yeah well speaking of all things present i my uh my mom sent me uh she bought me a record and uh from from amazon which

i don't ever buy things like online so i uh don't i've i've seen people complain about this online but i i didn't know that it was as crazy as uh what people said so it came from amazon i had to go to the post office to pick it up and it was one record it's just a record oh it's the size of a record uh-huh the box that it came in like without exaggeration could have fit six records side by side like it looked like a like it looked like i was picking up a surfboard that's six records, yeah. Like, it was so gigantic. And I was embarrassed to pick it up because I was like, this isn't a surfboard. If that's what you think, then I'm like.

It's sort of shaped like one. And they're like, your Teen Choice Award, Mr. Clark. Curved at the front. Why are you so worried about looking like a surfer? Because I'm not one. I don't want to be one of those guys. He was, Graham was in a gang of bank robbing surfers. Brings back bad memories.

Funny enough, the record was The Ventures. And then so I like asked the woman like, can I leave this giant hilarious box here? Because it's the post office was nowhere near my house. She was like, no, no. If everyone did that, I know everyone wants to do. But like, I'm still throwing away Christmas boxes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had to get rid of this box.

It's a blessing. What am I complaining about? had to get rid of this box it's a blessing what am i complaining about because it looked like it was just it was going to be impossible to carry on the rest of my day with this giant box so then i had to find a place to ditch it but it also had my name all over it so i had to just like pry off my name it was a real it was a real uh routine to get get rid of this box. But I did it. There's a lot of businesses that have a specific dumpster for cardboard. Yeah, not in this neighborhood. I don't know why they sent it

to this weird post office that's nowhere near anything. Maybe because of the strike or something? Anyways. No. Strike's been over for a month. They were forced back to work. Maybe there was overflow problems or something. Because there's a post office just down the street from me.

So, and they had, they didn't put it there. They put it at this weird one where they know they're the worst post office. They're so snippy. So snippy at this post office. I don't know. My local post office might be the worst post office. Oh, really? You can't mail things there.

They're only a pickup place. Yeah. They're just a store that has a postal pickup. Okay. But I've never seen one that you can't also mail things at. Yeah, they're like, we do this one way only. Okay. That's insane.

Yeah, that is insane. But, I mean mean is it close yes yeah that's nice yeah that is good is uh this was nowhere close uh anyway so i got this record a really good record yeah really glad to have it are you going to tell us what the record is yeah it was the ventures you You were right It was Charles Bradley's Last record He's a Soul singer You mean Gnarls Barkley? Yes Gotcha

There you go you got it I love that he tells everyone to F off In that one song And I'm like F off you're not my real dad mom says I can't swear so I'm telling you to just

F off or the radio friendly version forget off um and the other thing that i went out uh had dinner at this uh fancy vegetarian restaurant called acorn uh-huh uh really really nice uh and the table next to me was like all kind of men and women in their 50s, maybe late 50s, early 60s. Retirees. People talking about the vacations they have coming up and, you know, what they're doing. In their 50s, they're retired? Late 50s?

I think they were well off. They were ordering a lot of food off a lot of acorns yeah just a squirrel trying to get a nut but they were talking they were talking all kind of uh topics that would be very entertaining if you're in your late 50s or 60s about these onions that she bought she bought so many onions and they were so cheap and uh like it was this kind of and i was like what what a nice group of friends they're talking about dance lessons they're maybe gonna take and then i glanced over at the table and it was all uh kind of retirees and then one teenage kid that was sitting there it was i mean just get with a game boy just no sitting there, no entry point.

And I made eye contact with him and it was that kind of like, don't you leave this eye contact. Save me. If I die, tell my story. If I die of boredom from having to listen to this

talk about the market and these onions that my mom got. Oh, man. It tickled me to no end. I couldn't stop, like, just occasionally making eye contact with this kid. And especially if it was at the end of a story, I'd glance over and be like, eh. What'd you think of that one? I've never been, I guess i've been to vegetarian restaurants i don't uh i'm not a vegetarian so it's not high on my list and they're always full yeah like they're they're there's lineups for them around here what is the high like this is a fancy one

what's the the like uh lobster thermidor of the what's the like a high-priced item oh like off of like that menu like everything it was it was every dish has like eight different things in it like there's no thing that it's like yeah it's a root like it's all it's like one of these and one of these and it's all like looks like a work of art oh okay so it's not there's no there is no lobster right equivalent sounds like you're describing salad yeah

yeah it's like fancy salad like like over the top fancy salad okay yeah it was really good it's a table next to me loved it the teen was undecided but you know what try and get them to like anything yeah i know you know especially a vegetable yeah we got to get that teen a game boy they should have one at the door like uh kids with the crayons like you look bored here's phone Do you want our teen menu?

Billy from the teen menu It's a bowl of cereal You can eat it lying down You can combine two cereals If you want Out of like A Terminator 2 collector cup Oh man Do we want to move on to a little bit of business oh sure hi there dave it's not dave oh sorry dick tracy's square face that's right

i forget what my voice was um it was more like a wise guy okay I think. Oh, okay. There it is. You're nailing it. All right, then. Square Face, you do online business? Very much. I have a store where I sell bandanas. Yep. This is all canon. You have a website for this? Yeah.

It's not live yet. I'm just testing it out. Okay. You need a website, is what you're saying. Because you know what you can do. You can head over to... It sounds like you, but it's not you.

Squarespace.com I see what's going on with them. What is my boy? I don't know. I'm not sure who this character is. It's Squareface. Yeah, it was Squareface. I got a big square face.

Now here's, when you go to squarespace.com, here's some things you can do with Squarespace. Did you say squareface.com? No, no. Square, that'll be your website whenever it goes live. You can showcase your work,

blog or publish content, announce an upcoming event or special project, and more. Oh, I'm too shy to do all that. Well, Squarespace does this by giving you customizable templates, powerful e-commerce functionality. Everything is optimized for mobile right out of the box. Box? Like you, like your face. my head is like a box full of bad memories oh no yeah that's probably why you got into crime oh am i a criminal yeah yeah you're dick tracy's enemy right yeah what about bandana business that's all it's all it's all part of it yeah yeah that's where you launder your money is through the bandana business um now if you out there also need a website you

can go to squarespace.com for a free trial and when you're ready to launch use the offer code spy to save 10 off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com. Enter code SPY. Ow, my face is shaped like a squirrel. Yeah, it's very angular. I'm very sorry, but we've got to move on. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz.

And I'm Julia Prescott. And we're the hosts of Everything's Coming Up Simpsons. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott. And we're the hosts of Everything's Coming Up Simpsons. Every episode we cover a different episode of The Simpsons that is a favorite of our special guests. We've had guests that are showrunners and writers and voice actors like Nancy Cartwright. I got a D-minus, I passed!

And we've also had people that are on the Max Fund Network already. We've had Weird Al Yankovic on the show. I was just struck by how sharp the writing is. I mean, that's no surprise because it's The Simpsons. But, I mean, like, you can't say that about a lot of TV shows, particularly ones that at that point had been on the air for 14 years. Find us on MaximumFun.org, iTunes, or wherever you get your podcasts. All right. Smell you later.

Hi, I am Lori Kilmartin. And I'm Jackie Kishin. Together, we host a podcast called The Jackie and Laurie Show. We're both stand-up comics. We recently met each other because women weren't allowed to work together on the road or in gigs for a long, long time. And so our friendship has been unfolding on this podcast for a couple of years. Jackie constantly works the road.

I write for Conan, and then I work the road in between. We do a lot of standup comedy. And so we celebrate standup and we also bitch about it. We keep it to an hour. We don't have any guests. We somehow find enough to talk about every single week. So find us, you can subscribe to the Jackie and Lori show at maximum fun.org or

wherever you get your podcasts. Okay. Bye. Jackie and Laurie's show at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Okay, bye. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world or see things. Occasionally, something will be said to you. We'll let that happen. Why not?

Yeah, it's not our job to judge these things. Yeah. Yeah. We're not the, we're not the law, but if somebody is saying it to you, you're not overhearing it. You're hearing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's true. We're going to let it slide. Yeah.

Things are lax around here. Things of, uh, I like this place is falling apart. I believe in rules. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, that's, that's what growing up in the hole do to you. Yeah. Um, we always like to start with the guest, Tom, if you would. Okay. Here's mine. I was in Toronto and there were a couple of business guys.

They weren't wearing a, what do you call them? Business suits. Yeah. Suit from the show suits. Yes. Just like suits. Yeah. They shoot that in Toronto.

They do. Yeah. Don't tell, Don't tell them. These couple business guys walking down the street and one of them said, yeah, well, if she had her way, she'd be working at mountain equipment co-op. Like if she had her dream job. Yeah. Yeah. So I imagined it's like a lady they work with who's in business i guess yeah but but

loves camping yeah i think that's probably it or she has like an overly ornate water bottle at the office or something like that they just resent her so much for that water she brings her own water bottle instead of using reusable ones or instead of using plastic ones. Yeah. Yeah. If she had her way, she'd be. Backpack instead of a suitcase. Yeah. Nose ring instead of an earring. These are all classic. Classic earth mother things.

It seemed to me, yeah, like a real good dig in the world of business. Yeah. Yeah. If it was up to her, she'd be working at some place that's the opposite of business, I guess. Instead of being a capitalist, she would like to work at a cooperative. Yeah. Yeah. Yet they're not saying she's bad at it.

No, no, no. Business. And also, if she had her way, she probably could work at a management co-op. Yeah. You know, if you've made it into business, I'm sure you could get a job in a store. Sure. But you gotta know a lot of stuff about the stuff. There is that word though

overqualified that is true i don't think i've ever been no no no one said that to my face but i get the feeling when i when i don't hear back yeah you're like this is they knew they're probably intimidated by my sexuality yeah because i'm just so out there with it. And you always spray perfume on your resumes to let them know. But then it ends up in a stack of resumes and it. Everybody smells like perfume. And you give everyone the leg up. Yeah.

This was just, this was my thing. Yeah. You should attach a boudoir photo. Then they know for sure that it was you. Well, it's a photo of me spraying perfume you should put a long stick through the middle of the paper uh-huh so they can't put it in a stack this guy's overqualified this guy's been thinking this through or he maybe thought this resume was a vampire and he stabbed it with a stake.

Dave, you're overheard. My overheard is an overread. Oh. Ooh. Uh-huh. Yeah, daddy can read. This year, Christmas was a big gingerbread year for me. Yeah. I never passed up an opportunity to eat gingerbread, to buy gingerbread.

If I saw gingerbread, I got it. Yeah. And one of these had a little description. It came in a little individually wrapped bag. Gingerbread man. Yeah. And on the back it said, We are a Canadian woman-owned company that has no association with any American company of a similar name.

And it was made by Trump's Foods. Oh, no. You know what? Change your name. Yeah. Yeah. Like, of the two of you, it was neck and neck for a while. Who was going to break out?

Who was going to be the famous Trump? Yeah. I think the gingerbread cookie women. Also, like. break out who is gonna be the famous trump yeah i think the gingerbread cookie women uh also like also and i'll just say we'd rather be working at mountain equipment co-op oh boy yeah the uh what like in what era would how long would they have had to be making gingerbread before the trump association was like a kind of like the the that goes way back to the it would have been the 60s or the 70s no but like i think until he was a politician i think you could but they he would be the he would be the trump right but you wouldn't you like if you are buying gingerbread cookies

you're not like oh the same guy who uh makes the real estate and steaks although i guess his companies are so random yeah steaks and ties and why not gingerbread why not gingerbread men well the gingerbread men they don't they're not wearing suits i always thought that the company in canada that owns the big cell phone company rogers and rogers the sugar company i thought that was the same company literally the same name there's no no distinguishing features also that ghostbusters cartoon that had the monkey what's that that there was there were two different cartoons called ghostbusters

yeah and that's why the one that you know was called the real ghostbusters oh yeah and that's why donald trump had to be real at real donald trump because of these fucking gingerbread ladies why wouldn't they change their name yeah also to change it to something that really you know gingerbread uh company i would love to buy my gingerbread cookies from the gingerbread company yeah like that is they know what they're doing yeah yeah yeah this is Yeah. This is, this is what we do. Uh, 11 months a year. They're the sales are soft.

We tried selling a sugar cookie, but yeah, people just want gingerbread and they don't want any. We're trying to make ice cream cones out of gingerbread. That'd be pretty good. Um, yeah. Gingerbread. It's never really broken out of

the one month yeah seasonal and probably never will no uh what's up with you um also eggnog yeah they try to squeeze it in so early though they're trying to get extra months i'll take it yeah yeah but i will not finish a bottle or whatever container. A bottle? I got a bottle of eggnog this year. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Brag much? What's your favorite comedy cat train? This guy knows what he's talking about. Mine is brag much.

My overheard was, it was a long, long conversation about a guy who did a polar bear swim and not squim swim and uh he it was just like so boring the whole time of the way he was describing it was like give me give me an overheard man this was on the bus okay and uh like just every detail about this polar bear swim to the woman he was with. And I was like, there's nothing. He's giving me nothing out of this whole thing. And then at the very end of it, he talks about how bad at school he was. Like, he's like, I'm dumb.

I'm so dumb. And I was like, yeah, I know. I heard you describe this polar bear swim. You are so dumb. And he said, you ever seen I know. I heard you describe this polar bear swim. You are so dumb. And he said, you ever seen that show? Are you smarter than a fifth grader? I'm not. That's good.

Yeah. I think that's like, because you always get the feeling that dumb people don't know how dumb they are. Nah, this guy knew. This guy's smart enough to know that. Yeah. And he was carrying all his belongings into one of those suit bags. And I was like, I don't think you wear a suit

ever. You know? Like, I think somehow that's the only piece of luggage you have, but it's not full of suits. Right. I rarely do the bus crew. People on the bus. They go round and round. People on the bus go round and round?

No, that's incorrect. The wheels. Yeah, yeah. You don't hear a lot of people admit they're dumb. No. Exactly, yeah. It's like, it's refreshing. Kind of admirable, yeah.

Yeah, I mean, but then are you just saying that so that you can get away with all sorts of silly behavior? Like polar bear squims? You seem like you would do the polar bear swim you seem like a real joiner what the hell is that supposed to be you seem like you're up bright and early on new year's day and you want to get in that water would you ever do that uh i don't want to no uh but i will probably like there's a uh circumstance where i might yeah yeah yeah i don't want to. No. Uh, but I will probably like, there's a, uh, circumstance where I might. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I don't think I, I'm too afraid that, that I would be the one person who dies doing it. Mm-hmm. And then, then if like, then they make new rules and it gets ruined for everybody, but they refer to that rule. As the Graham Clark. The Graham Clark rule.

The Graham Clark polar bear rule. That's why we can't enjoy polar bear swims anymore. rule that's why we can't enjoy polar bear swims anymore um now we also have overheard uh-huh sent in from people all over the world you want to send one into us you can send it into spy at maximumfun.org this first one comes from uh addy addy addy b in uh leo leo minster i don't know Addie Addie Addie B In uh Leominster? I don't know This is Are you dumb? Yeah

I'm dumb Dave You know that about me Yeah you are a dumb guy I'm a big dumb guy Leominster, Massachusetts Market Basket

Oh You don't have to pronounce anything From Massachusetts They are all It's all It's all It's a mouthful It's all like

You had to be there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the Market Basket apparently is a popular chain of grocery stores. There was a woman in a high visibility vest standing in front of the rotisserie chicken case yelling at two men in Market Basket uniforms. She screamed at them, I'm going to stick my foot so far up your ass that you're never gonna find it it would still be connected to her leg though right like you'd be you would be able to sort it's like those missing those those all those feet that washed ashore yeah maybe yeah maybe she saw her leg off after yeah feet kept washing ashore into my ass. Yeah, just leave it there. Just so that you'll never find it.

It was worth it. Yeah. This next one comes from Cuba. From Hall, Germany? H-A-L-L-E? Wait, Cuba or Germany? Make up your mind. Probably Halle.

They pronounce every vowel there. they uh they love them they love them yeah um this is me and my mom on the train across from us two dudes in their early 20s one lecturing the other how lucky he is that he knew from an early age that he really wants to be an actor lucky lots of pretentious yada yada followed. He closed with a quote from a fellow actor and his biggest source of inspiration. Being realistic is the most common path

to mediocrity. Will Smith. Nice. That guy needs to learn to admit that he's dumb. I think a lot of people do. A lot of, a lot of people do. A lot of us. Every actor.

That's, that's, that's acting 101. Admit you're dumb. I do sort of feel that way. Anytime I've tried to act and I'm like, oh,

I'm bad at this. It's like, I, because I can't shut my brain off enough to be like, well, I know I'm not this guy. Everyone here knows I'm not this guy.

Why am I holding this wrench? I don't know what to do with this wrench. I'm not a plumber. You know what, Dave? You're overqualified to act. That's true. Well, that would explain why I don't have any acting awards. Did either of you guys watch the Golden Globes?

Yeah. Yeah. I watched some. I saw some. I didn't see any. Was it good? Did I miss anything? It was great.

Yeah. I was riveting. Damn it. Why did I miss it? It was on. It was free. I don't get that like the movie, like it was a big upset that a star is born didn't win best picture right and i don't get why anyone is surprised like that movie looks bad i

haven't seen it but i haven't seen it either so i don't know i've seen the barbra streisand one it's great was that nominated again this year yeah yeah. That's if you make a remake, the thing that it was remade also wins. You have to go up against it. Yeah. What won? Bohemian Rhapsody. Oh, okay. That's fine.

Like, if that wins the Oscar for best picture, that's also fine. Have you seen it? No. It doesn't seem like, you know, the English patient. No, but have you seen the english patient yeah it sucks exactly yeah like i mean it's the movie i most want to see is probably bohemian rhapsody but yeah did i say bohemian rhapsody from the bahamas but like also uh um when welcome to marwin when i saw the ad for that, I was like, this will win Best Picture.

This is fine. And then it got bad critic score. But otherwise, that totally is the movie that would win Best Picture. Yeah, that's what it's supposed to do. Yeah. That's what this movie was supposed to do. You're not supposed to like it. No, no, no.

No, it's like, yeah, it's like drinking a fancy wine or something. You're like, yes, good. And you want a sommelier to tell you why Welcome to Marwen is good. It has notes of Steve Carell being sad. And then there's sometimes where, like, you can tell the actor wants that Well they want it so bad They put on so much weight They do a weird accent

Oh they've limped so hard Yeah yeah I feel like Steve Carell's been trying for that for a while Not dumb enough Not dumb enough He'll get there Eddie Redmayne that guy's dumb He does seem very dumb.

Sickening too. Eddie Redmayne makes me sick. What, really? Yeah. How come? Just his face? Look at him, listen to him. Yeah, he's the guy I like the least.

God. Yeah. He seems to go, he seems to like just want to win the awards. But what's so funny is the year he won, didn't he win? Yeah. just want to win the awards. But what's so funny is the year he won, didn't he win?

Yeah. The year that that happened, he was also in the worst movie, like the most critically panned movie of the year. It was from the people who made the matrix. Oh, it was loud Atlas. Was it? Yeah.

Yeah. Atlas. It's great. I think, I think in retrospect, that's maybe that would have won best picture this year. Yeah. Can you re-release a movie?

Be like, we want. Yeah, re-evaluate. We missed our shot with Cloud Atlas. This last one is from Joe from Boston. I was walking down the street. That's this area where a lot of homeless people hang out. As I was passing through, I heard this one man yell to no one in particular, You call me Gene

Hackman now! Gene Hackman! Gene Hackman! So, you know. Does he know that's already a guy? I wonder, but like, he's retired, so he's not using that name. Sure. Maybe that was Gene Hackman. It's possible. Hanging out in Boston.

Hey. Hey, he can do whatever he wants. There are crazier places to rant. What was the movie with... I forget his name now. The Magic Mike guy. Channing. Channing Tatum.

Channing Tatum and he went to Mars that wasn't him that's Matt Damon no no wait was it Taylor Kitsch did he go to Mars what was that one called

John of Mars that I get confused with John Smith or something. John Adams. Yeah. John Adams. No. But it was.

John Carter. John Carter. John Carter. But it was the thing that all like whatever, Star Wars and stuff, they all ripped it off. Oh, okay. And then they made it and people were like, yeah, but we've already seen all this shit, man. And it looks weird now because you're basing it off something from the 40s.

And weren't they on Rollerblades? No, that was Cloud Atlas. Shit, man. It looks weird now because you're basing it off something from the 40s. Yeah. And weren't they on Rollerblades? No, that was Cloud Atlas. Had the flying rollerblades. How many characters does Tom Hanks do in Cloud Atlas? I think it's like Twitter. He does 140. 140.

You're allowed more now. That's old news. Well, they made it back then. They should have an Oscar for most characters played. In a movie? Yeah. Every year. Eddie Murphy would be a longtime winner. He would sweep almost every year.

But I think they wanted to introduce a new category this year, and then they scrapped it. But most characters in a movie, I think, would be, or funniest accent or funniest prosthetic. These type of things would be. Or funniest accent or funniest prosthetic. You know, these type of things would be. Or best Borat. Most lines. Yeah, most lines. Yeah. Just like

really easy to quantify things. Yeah. That should be the whole show. Yeah. Brightest set. Yeah. Darkest set. The thing Dave liked the most. Yeah. Money ball sweeps every year.

Yeah, money ball is back. You a money ball guy? No, I'm a money ball head. Are you? Yeah, man. What's your favorite scene? I like how Brad Pitt, I like that scene where Brad Pitt keeps going. Uh-uh.

I like when they do the trade. The trade scene is great. Yeah. And Jonah Hill has to make that call. Oh, yeah. Jonah Hill's sitting over there and they're going, what does he know? Then he's got to send a guy down to the miners. Shit.

Or no, tell a guy he's traded. Anyway, in addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests.

This is Annie from Texas calling in with an overheard. I was just in the grocery store and a man from AP&T Wireless Internet came in and talked to the customer service desk and said, I had a call to come work on your internet. And so she called over the manager. The manager came over and said, no, ma'am, we don't need our internet worked on. And the guy said, well, I got a call that said to come to Tom Thumb. And he said, no, we don't need anything with the internet. And the guy said, but what do I do?

And the manager said, uh, take a hike? Perfect answer. Yeah. Not my problem. Get the fuck out of here how should i know yeah what do i do now maybe he's having a real crisis maybe this was his last day on the job who am i if i'm not the guy who fixes the internet here? Anyways, unplug it, plug it back in, see if that works.

I ordered Chinese food the other day from a Chinese restaurant. And I showed up. Best place to do it from. Well, I ordered it from McDonald's. They were like, we don't do that. We don't take orders over the phone. We don't make Chinese food. Please stop calling us, sir.

We have some sweet and sour dip. That's about it But yeah I went and then I went and I picked it up And they were like What did you order? And I told them When did you order it? And I said it's not here And I was about to

Like I guess get mad And burn the place down yeah yeah uh then i realized oh i went to the wrong chinese restaurant i had a place in mind of what this restaurant was it wasn't no so i had to drive a block away i guess i walked yeah the uh maybe i'm making this story up. But you got to admit, it's a good story. It is a good story. That's true. That much I have to admit.

Well, I guess phone calls? Yep. If you want to call us. Hi, this is Julie from Bowling Green, Ohio. Hello, Dave, Graham, and lovely guest. This is from a few months ago. As you know, we're soon. I was taking my recyclables out,

the headphones on, like it's normal, it's a stranger, she talked to me. And I went to go put some stuff away and I saw a gentleman climb up onto the magazine recyclables bin. And as I was leaving, I noticed he was digging out some old Playboys, and it was pretty great to watch.

There you go. Off I go. You know what? Those old ones, great interviews. The new ones still have great interviews, too. You know, Channing Tatum. Yeah, we get into Channing Tatum, but Clara Alice. John Carter. The guy from john carter john connor john connor we talked to him about the robot uprising uh he's against it uh i love that there's an entire bin devoted to magazines yeah i remember uh when i worked at this book warehouse uh and sometimes we get these boxes of books that people would donate and they were like books we couldn't sell they

were like erotic books or whatever so one day or we would go and like take them over to the cycling oh man it was like seeing seagulls descend on a loaf of bread. Like we put all these erotic books in the bin and all the workers were like, here we go. This is the big day. Free, free erotica. The whole place just shut down while these guys rummaged through. That sounds like the start of one of these stories. The whole place shut down.

Were they just like tasteful photos? Naked nude photos? They were. Yeah, but they were like, you know, like there was a whole book on like how to tie up somebody. Oh. That kind of. They weren't fiction? No. No, they were all like coffee table books if you were like kind of like, man, check this out.

If you had a European coffee table. Yeah, yeah. If you were a mustachioed man. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Okay. Yeah. Well, If you were a mustachioed man. Okay, yeah. Well, that sounds like a ton of fun. It was a ton of fun. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guest. I'm going to say member of the Sunday

service. No. Christian from Memphis, Tennessee, and I'm calling him an overheard. This is two guys talking in a gas station about a man that they had just been talking to. I'm now going to attempt to recount the conversation verbatim. What was that guy's name? Lou. Lou? Lou. Lou? Lou. Lou? Lou. Lou? Lou. Lou? Lou? Lou? Lou? Lou? Lou? Lou. Lou?

Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou. Lou? Thanks. Bye. Did they both think the name was Lou? I think at one point it was Luke. I think there was a Luke in there.

But then it just takes the seed of doubt. Yeah, but I also thought it was Louke i think there was a luke in there okay but then it just takes the seat of doubt yeah but i also thought it was lou and lube yeah i maybe thought i heard lube in there too but uh you know it was lou that's a that's a name that people have yeah i gotta take a second to destroy that guy for his sunday service guest i know that we call in and don't guess who the guest is because tom feels terrible now. You performed on the Sunday service this past Sunday. He'll never be a member. They wouldn't even talk to me. Oh, wow.

That's very strange. They talk to anybody. They're sick. Sick, twisted. Well, I think that brings us to the end of the show uh yeah yeah also um it just uh it would be funny if it was a british person looking for the bathroom lou nice third a third person comes in um uh tom tom hey where can people find you if they want to find you online or find your album? I have a Twitter at Tom Henry.

You got it. Yeah. Yes. And I, my albums on all the streaming platforms. Not. Or you can buy it on Apple. Yeah. It is on Tidal.

No. Dave. No. You don't know that. Listen to it on Tidal. Yeah. It is on Tidal. No. Dave, no. You don't know that. Listen to it on Tidal. Yeah. Because it's got the best sound. And they pay the artist the most. Or does Tidal have the best

interface or something? Yeah, my album really booms on Tidal. Jokes are way better. I like listening to a comedy album with the bass all the way up. In my car. Yeah. At four in the morning, driving through someone's neighborhood.

One of the Bandersnatch options is my album. You'll be pleasantly surprised how you get there. pleasantly surprised how you get there. We're doing a live show in February as part of the JFL Northwest Festival. Yep, at the Rio Theater in Vancouver. It's going to be a banger. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Speaking of turning the bass all the way. Uh-huh. Oh, boy. Dave's going to do one of his famous DJ sets. Yeah, and we can't say who our guest is gonna be yet but uh it's gonna be uh uh bahaman yeah it's gonna be the bahaman wow they're not legally allowed to sing their one hit bahaman rhapsody yeah um so uh you can check that out. And thank you all for listening to the show.

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