Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 569 - Mark Chavez

Episode Date: February 11, 2019

Improviser Mark Chavez returns to talk government paperwork, hot peppers, and seeing most of the movie Heat.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 569 of Stop Podcasting. Oh boy, daddy like. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who calls himself daddy, Mr. Dave Shubka. Oh, hi. I legally can. That's true. When I'm filling out a form, they're mr mrs doctor daddy daddy daddy yeah it's

daddy for me yeah um these are these are forms that you're filling out at the the lotion center yeah lotion center the dmv the two places with forms as far as i know um what's in the lotion center well there's a lot of moisturizing there's a lot of uh there's a lot of slipping oh so if somebody drops them on the floor oh boy yeah there's a um and that's it moisturizing and slipping i was just out east uh for a week for four days but boy uh and i didn't bring lotion oh i should have brought lotion. So dry. So dry. Oh, so cold.

And then the heaters, ooh, they dry everything out. Yeah, winter dryness, man. You know, I used to do it out here in the moist, moist air that is balmy BC. Tell me about it. I don't have to. You know. Well, now I do. I didn't know how good I had it.

It was moisture. Our guest today, very funny comedian, member of the Sunday Service, Mr. Mark Chavez is our guest. Hi. That's just our default intro these days. Yeah. There's so many of us. Yeah. There's like 14, I think.

Yeah, 14. You guys are kind of like SNL. You write a brand new show every week. Yeah. You do kind of a weekend update thing. Yeah, right. You guys are kind of like SNL. You write a brand new show every week. Yeah, yeah. You do kind of a weekend update thing. Yeah, right. You've never had a black woman on. That's not true.

Good to see you guys. Good to see you. Yeah, thanks for joining us. Yeah, thanks for having me. Do you want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. mark yes graham it's been about a year it has been a year yeah how has your year been it's been good you look younger do i no no but you don't look much older

maybe like a year old yeah yeah yeah that that stands to reason. Like 12, 13 months. Yeah. It's been good. I've been enjoying the city. I've been in town more. I got my residency since we last. So you're an American. I'm an American man who lives in Canada. Yeah.

Do your Albuquerque accent. I'm not going to do that right now. Okay. And what does residency mean? It's everything, but I don't think I can run for office. Oh, you can vote though? And I also can't vote.

No, no, no. Actually, I'm looking into that because I don't, I might be able to. I don't, I actually don't know yet. Because I was just, I was so just trying to get

the work permit and the and the driver's license and the ability to get a credit card in this country and all that kind of stuff i was that's what i was focused on now you have to do like a test for the driver's license oh no for residency no no it's just a bunch of it's just a bunch of paperwork uh it's a stack that's like i don't know maybe a foot thick that you have to send it it's a stack that's like, I don't know, maybe a foot thick. It's like part of a meter thick here. Yeah. Oh, sorry.

I really got to get 30 centimeters thick. Yeah. It's like 30 centimeters thick. So you, uh, and it's all like Dr. Mrs. Yeah. Yeah. Daddy.

Daddy. The Vander Tramp verbs. Uh, no, it's like, you know, I have to like, I did a spousal sponsorship because I'm married to a woman here and she's Canadian. And so I have to prove that our relationship is real by sending them emails that we've had like correspondence. So I have to like. Like forwarding emails? Like, no, I print out. You have to have like 20 pages worth of correspondence.

And it's like lovey dovey. Yeah. So, and it's really hard to, you know, find stuff that's not, that's PG and lovey dovey and like, and like not too embarrassing. And really? Yeah. So just these like emails that are like, can't wait to see a babe. I wouldn't let you in the country. That's the best thing I ever said.

Like that kind of stuff. Wow. Because I don't think I have that. And I've been married for seven years. Yeah. Well, I mean, that's the thing. It's weird, too. Did it have to be just emails or could it be texts?

It could be. It could be text. It could be. Facebook messages. It could be any of those. It could be, it could be text. It could be Facebook, Facebook messages, any of those. Um, and it, for, it worked for me because we were, uh, cause I was traveling all the time and we were separated for quite a lot of it.

So it's like, we did a lot of correspondence. I don't know what people do in there. Do you have R rated texts and emails? I mean, there was stuff that like, it would be like paragraphs and paragraphs all normally, like the one line would jump out. I don't even know. Like, it wasn't like, it was just like stuff I just wouldn't want to send. To the government to have on record.

Yeah, to have on file. So yeah. Is this a hemorrhoid? Stuff like that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think of this? I'm holding a quarter next to it for size. But it's a really small quarter.

Yeah. It's a nickel. Yeah. So that took, that took a lot of time and effort. Yeah. What about your driver's license? Did you need to retake a test? Driver's license is hilarious.

So I had to go back to New Mexico. My driver's license in New Mexico had expired and I didn't realize. So I was like, oh no. So I had to go back to new mexico and get a driver's license there but they make it really difficult if you don't uh they they they really try to curb anybody getting a an id that's not uh legal there um because they have they're just trying to stop illegal mexicans from getting a wall am i right exactly um so and but you are an American citizen.

I'm an American citizen, but I don't live there anymore. So I was kind of a man without a country for a while because I didn't have a, my legal address was my parents. So I had to have, like my stepdad helped me like pretend I worked for him so I could prove that I could get a driver's license. Put on these coveralls. Yeah, in New Mexico. prove that i could get a driver's license put on these coveralls yeah in new mexico memory serves your stepdad writes uh like uh gambling or no what is it yeah yeah poker or blackjack yeah you're right strategy you haven't said anything wrong yet is it all kind is it craps is it what is it yeah yeah all manners of video poker and and then like money management stuff

like how to survive on your home mortgage. Like that. So, uh, he, he worked for me as a, as a casino rat, card counter, casino rat. Yeah. Which is not entirely untrue. Um, no, I never did that. Uh, so, so I had to like get this driver's license to then use it as an ID as part of my residence. There's a lot of hoops, many hoops to jump through, but, but to get a license here, if you live here, you just like show them your other driver's license to then use it as an id as part of my residence there's a lot of hoops many hoops to jump through but yeah but to get a license here if you live here you just like show them

your other driver's license and they believe that you can drive and they just issue you a oh yeah that's right but apparently i didn't know this that nowadays if you're old you have to retake your tests like how old like in your 80s yeah maybe what's his name prince philip he like flipped over his car or something yeah why was he why was he behind the wheel why was he maneuvering this vehicle i don't know but apparently he was driving like the very next day so i'm i don't agree with that how old is he 95 and he flipped his car yeah yeah they call him windows 95 because that's what he flew through and he's

fine driving the next day he flew through a window it was he was wearing a crown so that's it saved his head here's a question i'm too dumb to ask. I mean, I'm too afraid to ask. I'm plenty dumb. I'm just dumb enough. So I was driving and I noticed a lot of cars had, this morning, cars had frosted windshields and everything was frosted. Why do some cars not have, like, not every car is frosted over? And also, why don't house windows?

I think because house windows have heat on all the time. It's the heating, yeah. That's my guess. Some cars might be in a garage. Right. No, no, I just mean parked on the street, though. Oh, like you drove by and some were frosted and some were not. People sleeping in them, maybe?

I guess so, yeah. Probably a lot of that. Yeah. not uh people sleeping in them maybe i guess so yeah probably a lot of that yeah yeah the uh uh so you all you have to do here is just say okay i'm a i'm legit driver in another country even yeah and they're like that's fine they gave me an eye test there's a lot of kids taking the computerized driving test fun then the guy the guy did give me like a small quiz that had five questions uh very specific. Like how many, like what's the distance between you and a, and a car on the freeway that you have to have or on a bridge?

Uh, and then like really like very like obvious, like, can you text while driving? Yeah, I can watch me. Give me a car. I mean, I can dictate a text. Yeah. You can talk on your phone while driving. I can't hold your phone. No, you can dictate a text. Yeah. You can talk on your phone while driving. I can't hold your phone. No, you can't hold it.

You can't hold it. You can hold it in your teeth. You can have it like a headband around your head with a phone in there. Yeah. That is the coolest way to do it. Yeah. Yeah. What was the distance?

Like, did you get that right? I got it exactly right because the answers were on a separate like on the back that he but he didn't like there was all every language you could imagine with the questions were written it was a cling on the thick packet yeah you can imagine it it was there uh and on the back was the answers and it was like three car lengths oh sure i thought it was like i I wouldn't have known to answer in car lengths. I, yeah, I would have thought metric. Yeah.

Yeah. I measure a lot of things in car lengths though. I haven't seen you in four car lengths. See you soon, babe. Um, so you, you became a resident. So I became a resident. Thank you. Thank you very much.

Do you know all the words to the national anthem? No. Uh, maybe you guys could teach me. Uh. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. We'll do it off air.

Yeah. Um, but it starts with a real jazzy. Ours is the only anthem that has like a jazzy opening and then it pauses for atmosphere and then it starts yeah yeah oh before i got my it's a diana crawl version yeah we adopted it as the official version when i got my uh before they issued my residency card which was just like a ID, they gave me a temporary thing that was also like this permanent piece of paper. She, it was like, it had all the, like the, like the, the quality of like getting a receipt from a dry cleaner.

It was like, here's this like piece of paper that she printed out. And it was really like, we just like basic looking piece of paper. She's like, don't lose this. This is your Canadian, basically your Canadian birth certificate. And it was just like a sheet of paper that had a little barcode on it. Yeah. So I had to like keep that. I've had that when I like got my license renewed and they can't just give you the license that day.

It has to like be printed somewhere. There's my birth certificate. What? Just sitting in a drawer? You have a, it's a card. It's like a card set. Our birth certificates are like sheets with printed. Well, I mean.

With bar graphs. With bar graphs. You did have a president who lied about his citizenship. That's true. Not long ago. He couldn't produce the long form. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Did Donald Trump ever produce his birth certificate? Just as like a fun tit for tat is there any question where he's from yeah yeah yeah um but yeah when you get your license renewed they just give you this like weird piece of paper and they're like this is your license and you're like well it doesn't have my picture on it or anything yeah it just says my name and it's a big yellow piece of paper yeah i got that too from when i got my driver's license yeah has anyone ever i guess people get an accident on the way home from the dmv after like you know it's your id right if you go to a if you're a youth you go to a bar yeah and you're like here's this piece of paper yeah i have to wait two weeks

i guess yeah i think for this two to six weeks you're just not going out i think yeah but it's todd's birthday what a bummer when's the last time you were id'd either of you in it and like sometimes the bouncers are checking every single id yeah yeah it's mostly that yeah yeah like i mean other than that not years yeah yeah yeah yeah it's been a long time you know and it just stopped there's like a cutoff point it didn't fade out no it just was like suddenly just like no more yeah i hit a i hit a bump they were like wow i always think like would it be if you bought a bunch of stuff that obviously a bunch of teens gave you money to buy if they would ID you just on principle? Oh, sure. Like, here's four ciders and a Zippo, and you're going to give me some of those fireworks back there.

A porno. Yeah, give me a couple pornos. Rolling papers. A box of condoms if you got them teenagers aren't allowed to no but they're embarrassed though i was i was in line behind a guy who was buying condoms the other day did he like cover it with other items no it was the only item he had and uh but it was shy fest i bought bought something that embarrassed me. Oh, no, you know what? Can you say?

No, I didn't buy anything. I was in a hotel and needed a plunger. That was the embarrassing thing. So you called down for one? No, it was when I was like, well, I can just be in the shower. No, I was about, I was going to go out in an hour, and I was like, well, you know what?

On my way out, I will say, hey, my toilet's clogged. Right. And then when I get back, it'll be fixed, so I don't have to have an interaction with the plunger man. You just come in, there's just a plunger plunged on the door. Good luck. Yeah, you'll need this keep it for the rest of the week no but then i i had that awkward uh eye contact with the woman i i had requested it

from i was like oh i forgot she'll be there the rest of the time every time i go in and out of the hotel here comes plunger man oh boy just it in the, keep one in every hotel room. You'll get five stars. You'll get a Michelin star. Oh man. Yeah. When you, when you would buy an embarrassing purchase,

would you do the try and bury it in other purchases? No. Routine? No. You have to be rich to do that. I would hope. You know how expensive condoms are? I don't.

I've never used them. I would hope that I had other things to get, but i didn't i would just try to just drape a twizzler over it and one twizzler you're gonna charge me for this twizzler barely have enough for these magnum condoms well i need a twizzler to fill them up yeah need a need a girthinizer. Yeah, a little shim in there. Excuse me, miss. How much for the Magnum condoms?

I'll just take regular. Yeah. Oh, those are too expensive. Oh, okay. Oh, too expensive. Well. You know what? I'll just wear two of the regular.

Is that how that works? Yeah, you have scotch tape. Yeah, yeah. Some scissors and doing a craft. So what else has been going on? Oh, geez, I don't know. I met a guy named Cornelius a couple days ago. That was pretty amazing.

That is wild. I kept it so straight, too. He was like, hi, Cornelius. And I was like, this is fine. Hi, I'm Mark. Cornelius, I'm a rooster on a box of cornflakes. And my brain was doing

so many cartwheels that I was meeting a guy named Cornelius. Go buy corn. It was great. Just call me Corn. Name's Cornelius, you can call me Corn. Or Corny's also fine. Or Neil. The real creative.

Yeah, I guess so. Neil, like, there's no short form of Neil. Neil must be a nickname. Yeah. Yeah. Maybe it does come. Yeah, Neil's short for Cornelius. Cornelius Young.

Oh, I love it. Cornelius Diamond. Cornelius Diamond Phillips. Cornelius Diamond Phillips. Wait, his name is Lou. Yep. Still. I do like the idea that there's a Neil Diamond and a Neil Diamond Phillips.

Yeah. So I met Cornelius. I've been, we were talking before the show, I've been having to go to auditions, which is like, I describe audition, like I think of them like a bus trip. Like anytime you have to take the bus, it's like, it's totally fine, but it takes very little to make it awful. Yeah. Like in a bus, like fine, but you know, something can happen and you're like, oh no, this is going to be a long 15 minutes. Yeah. This has gone bad. Yeah. This has gone bad. bad and it can be that way usually it's normal and fine i go for very small parts uh on like and i'm always in a room with a whole bunch of people in scrubs because like it'll be like for a doctor or a nurse and everybody just has these things yeah

keep them in your trunk yeah and they just show up and they just have and like they'll do like that uh that tv uh stethoscope thing where that's like not on their neck the way you like but like draping hanging hanging over that was a choice by like an art department person and now people will just like do that yeah yeah yeah yeah because that's not what doctors do yeah like the way that like after know, late night at a wedding, you loosen your bow tie and it's hanging off you. Yeah, it's hour 18 of the doctor telethon. Yeah, it's weird that people show up for auditions in a costume. Oh, it's so, I, I, like, I don't, I'm not above doing these, like, you know, I think generally it's like, it'd be fun to like do a little part or whatever. Like it doesn't bother me as a thing.

I'm not above like doing a small part. You're not offer only for Riverdale. What's that? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Exactly. Exactly. No, I, uh, but I can't bring myself to buying scrubs and showing up like, with a with a face mask yeah like a hat this audition is for a golfer yeah and also i would like to think that the casting director could be

like i can imagine this man in scrubs yeah i don't know he was wearing jeans you know any doctors that wear jeans doctors don't wear jeans that would be weird if you went to a doctor and they came in just in, like, jeans and a... Big bedside manner, you know? It's, like, super cool. Hey. Hey, yeah. Like a cool priest. Yeah.

Like a cool pastor. Comes in and just, he's jamming on the guitar while he's talking to you. Your cholesterol's off the chart. He's playing guitar, but he's wearing rubber gloves. When I go to my doctor, he's wearing rubber gloves um when i go to my doctor he's wearing like dress pants yeah that's that's what i expect from it i like if i saw a doctor in jeans i'd be like either this doctor's too hip for me i gotta go do a more square doctor or like what's going on like is this one is this uh you know that is weird that there's no there there must be casual friday for doctors there's got to be like hip young doctors i've never had one but uh but because

like scrubs are i mean a scrub is a guy who thinks he's fine that's right yeah also known as a bust uh but scrubs are way way more casual like there's nothing in between that's true yeah it's like either you're you're ready to actually go watch a recital or you're ready just roll into bed yeah you're having a 8 a.m 100 level course in college and you've got like whatever the name of the hospital written on the butt yeah yeah love scrubs i'm gonna get some scrubs yeah get some really like the scrubs were very big in when i was in college like people wore them just while i had sweatpants like i didn't like like i've gone out for other things where it's

like a mechanic or something and i didn't see like a bunch of mechanic overalls people. But see, I have. Right. Because I've gone out for, whereas you're going out for these very nice white collar roles. Right, right. I was mostly weird motel clerk. Yeah, yeah. And there'd be some guy with coveralls or whatever.

Right, right. Filthy coveralls. But I wonder if ever a casting person is like, I liked your coveralls, but you were the better act. Give him the coveralls and let's do this again. Like, I'll do it when they say, like, they'll be like, bring a parka. You have to have a parka for this thing,

which is like a pain. Yeah. Especially in the summer. I went out for something. I had to like drag a parka with me to have a parka for this thing which is like a pain yeah especially in the summer i went out for something i did like drag a parka with me oh yeah like if they ask for it i'll do it you know yeah but yeah it's so i don't know i don't know if it's for me or like bring can't they just can they just have like one yeah rent a park a parka. Yeah. Or get a used parka. Yeah. Yeah. Can you put this parka on?

It's too big for me. It's a parka. Yeah. It's too big for everyone. Yeah. I remember doing one audition where they made me wear a hat that was just like a room hat. Ugh. But then they had us pretending to eat food.

I was like, why don't you have that? Why don't you have some utensils that we can use that this was imaginary but the hat needed to be real like they were like well get the hat i guess right maybe maybe it wasn't maybe they just made me wear a hat they were like look at this guy they told him to wear a hat and he did did you ever have lice uh no no me neither was there there was never even an outbreak there was a kid who had lice okay yeah there was definitely like at my school there was a kid who had lice saran wrap on the head shaved head oh shaved head yeah they just shaved that's

the way to do it yeah and it was just like we're not we're not getting some fancy expensive shampoo we'll just shave your head and i don't know what brush it like scrub your head i don't know what yeah you yeah you make sure there's no more eggs drag it on the pavement yeah but there's nowhere hang them outside the back of a car with a shaved head like a bunch of them if you get married a bunch of kids on the back of the car lice are tiny right like they're like but if if a hair was a tree they would be like a little bird in the tree i don't know they i think they they're not yeah they're they're tiny like but but you can see them with a naked eye oh you can see them yeah because describe this naked eye a nurse a nurse will just use a comb to look in between.

Yeah. At least in that one scene in Billy Madison. Where he put a bunch of fake lice in his hair to freak out the nurse. Did ever a kid at your school have a... No, but there was, it was like, it was lore along the levels of quicksand. You know, it was like, careful, that's quicksand. Careful, you might get lice. So it was just really,

it was just something I was scared of. Yeah. Cause there was a big thing about not sharing hats. Oh yeah. In grade school. We didn't share your hat. Yeah. Like,

as an adult, when have you worn someone else's hat? At this dumb audition. Yeah. Room hat. Yeah. Yeah yeah i would hate to like like it's gross like why would you want to be shared like an elementary school kids hat i know kids are gross though kids are always finding new amazing ways that are uh that are gross yeah yeah it's like uh it's it's a wonder that anybody survives with the growth

the amount of grossness that goes on in your childhood yeah you know yeah but uh yeah there was definitely a kid that had lice and uh that made him a social pariah i'm sure right through till the end of high school probably into college yeah do you remember who it was oh yeah oh that's funny oh my god like do you think of him as the lice kid yeah yeah yeah wow and to a larger extent his family as the lice family did you did he seem like the kind of kid who would not really but he seemed like a kind of kid who like his parents probably like gave him a lunch and like made sure everything was right when he left the house and then he was a disaster on his own he was one of these kind of kids like that needed strings on the mittens and constant supervision and was like just like losing his key in the snow

bank um uh yeah i it like at my nephew or niece's school, there was an outbreak and it was, so it was, it was less, I think there's less, um, uh, sort of stigma around it. If a lot of kids get it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then if you were a kid and other kids had it, then you would probably want it. Yeah. I want it.

Like, like the way I wanted braces or chicken pucks. Wait, you wanted braces? it. Yeah, I want it. Like the way I wanted braces or chicken pucks. Wait, you wanted braces? Yeah. Oh, wow. And I got them. Yeah. And that's great. I mean, you have nice straight teeth.

Yeah. Really worked out for you. No, they're not so great. These are veneers. Yeah, because like anything anything when kids like have if there's five or more cool kids that have it even if it's oh i wanted neck gear even give me the whole thing i don't think they even do that anymore no i think that i think they somewhere in the history of orthodontics they were like the social scarring of wearing it's just not worth the yeah like it's fine if your teeth are a little bit not straight yeah

can we all agree to not make kids wear some exterior the rubber bands are the best like like put on like 18 rubber bands connecting different teeth to different teeth and open their mouths like like just like ate a rubber ball more of the daughters will put different colors on for different seasons wow red and green that's fun you you know The big Christmas Orange and yellow I mean orange and black For Halloween And you wore them

Like just when you're sleeping Because I remember seeing kids No the elastics You wore for a month Yeah just on all the time Yeah You took them out to eat No you didn't take them out

They had to be put on With like tweezers What? Yeah So they just got in the food? Yeah Oh my god You brushed you brushed there was so many and then kids with braces had so much just food in their teeth yeah i remember that was so gnarly and then then there's a you know then there's the retainer kids neither of you had them i had them okay yeah i had braces and then a retainer and then a retainer yeah

which i broke and lost and had to pay for the new one with my own money what probably like 700 yeah yeah yeah and it was just like as a kid you're like well you don't understand spending money on something that you're gonna get zero enjoyment out of yeah so you're like here's this cash adult man who's gonna take this kid's cash oh gosh and he took it he didn't think twice that darth adotus he took it yeah and he already had the mouth uh whatever imprint you know he didn't have to do that again he could have just whipped up a new retainer. Give him a discount. Oh, he's got a room full of mouth imprints. He holds it as a trophy. Yeah. When he retires, he takes them with him.

Those things are uncomfortable. They go just to gag level, the mouth imprint. And then sometimes you see the orthodontist kissing a set of them, imagining, oh, this is what it would be like to tongue uh tongue a lady i heard somebody say like when i was at the dentist the other day i heard someone the woman in the next room like the dentist or like the practice the helper outer was like oh oh you have a gag reflex like doesn't everybody have a gag reflex let me just do a quick test here. Whoa. Let me make a note for the doctor.

He won't be happy about that. It seems so weird to me. You know how to stop your gag reflex? Yeah. That'll squeeze your thumb. No. Yeah. Squeeze your thumb. Squeeze your thumb.

I guess none of us is man enough to stick something down our throat while we do it. Okay, I'll do it. I don't... Didn't work? My eyes are watering. It's fine. Serious? Maybe you don't have a gag reflex.

Maybe you're one of those guys. One of those guys yeah yeah uh one of those guys well that's another thing isn't it like you know that you can roll your tongue or whatever it's like oh like one in ten double jointed yeah hair on your oh i wanted to be double jointed when i was a kid oh did you wear like in the hands or like did you want to be able to like turn your arm all yeah yeah do inside elbow yeah yeah yeah i wanted to do all that weird any kind of weird party trick thing flip the eyelids inside out oh yeah yeah still can't too afraid still can't you never can there were kids that did that eyelid thing is so gnarly i don't yeah i don't need to do that ever no i didn't need to but once my friend did it i was like damn he's getting so many babes but i miss you babe oh i'm thinking of you and doing the flip well look at cornelius he's so

good at the eyelids what was corelius' line of work? I didn't get to that. How did you meet him? He was at the Sunday service. He was a friend of my cousin's wife who was in town. So she brought Cornelius and his partner. And it was just very brief. She's like, oh, he's like, hi.

Hello. Hi, I'm Cornelius. And I was just, just kept it going great nice to meet you oh cool yeah everything oh that's normal yeah it's totally normal normal name to have good to meet you normal name it was wonderful yeah yeah and uh that's probably informed a lot of his life being a cornelius yeah i'm sure he gets a lot of pauses after that. Oh, oh, is that, and you go, what do you, why? Yeah. He gets introduced a lot as, this is actually Cornelius.

Yeah, yeah. For real. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, I just got home from a tour. I was on tour with This Is That, the CBC radio show. Off the air. Their farewell tour. Victory Lap.

Their Victory Lap. Their normal producer, Chris Kelly, had a baby. First man ever. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Congratulations to him. He's back. The baby is having trouble getting a latch.

That's a breastfeeding term. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, so went to Ottawa, our nation's capital. Went to Guelph, our nation's college town. Yes, yes. Went to Kingston, our nation's prison and college town. And had two days in Kingston I i'd never been before it was very charming yeah i heard that as charming as uh gwen stefani's son kingston or less charming

no one's as charming as gwen stefani's son kingston the the son of gwen stefani and gavin rostow i'm assuming assuming. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was very cold. It was minus 16 degrees. Good Lord. One day, but not as cold as it had been. Yeah. But yeah, so that was a very nice little town.

We went to dinner one night and Doug Gilmore, who's a famous hockey player from Kingston, was at the bar. What's his hair like now? Gray and short. Gray and short because he was like king of hockey hair. Yeah, big. Did you talk to him? No.

Why not? You know what? Why didn't you bother him? Exactly. He is the president of a minor league or a junior hockey team there and i think he was just stopping in for a drink between periods oh wow it's a small town uh and uh and we asked the uh the our waiter like does he come in here a lot and he's like yeah too much yeah all the time there's the the there's these two brothers that own the one owns the hotel one owns the hockey team and so they have like deals oh wow like if you're on the if you're playing or if you're a

guest of the hockey team you stay at the hotel if you're you're performing at the arena you're staying at the hotel right so these guys they're like the the big deal in town like they they own the town yeah i guess so cool and uh yeah our we asked the waiter about literally every the four celebrities from kingston who else is don Don Cherry, okay. Our waiter had seen him pumping gas in a full-length fur coat. Nice. Hey, that's nice. There's the tragically hip. Into like an old Volkswagen.

Into another fur coat. There's the tragically hip. They're nice guys. Yeah. And Dan Aykroyd has a cottage outside town and comes in every once in a while. Do they have a crystal head? Oh, they had a wall of it. Yeah.

But my favorite thing, I mean, it was a really fun trip. It was really good. I was with Pat Kelly and Peter Aldering, two former guests and uh we went out one night just the three of you yeah buffalo wild wings one night oh yeah and i've never i've never had this uh experience before i don't know if it was the spiciness or if i was just hungry when it happened but i took my first bite of a spicy wing and i had like violent hiccups really didn't think that was the direction yeah like when you said violent i was like here it comes yeah no it was it was hotel i need a plunger i was like crying because i was laughing at how

loud i was hiccuping oh my god and it would come by every like six seconds and just like a like a full body i couldn't stop it but when i got back to my room that night my glasses were covered in like dried tears from just how much i'd been crying and laughing and uh how how many of the the peppers on the menu like what was the spicy index on this it was first of all what does it go to does it go to 10 i always think it's out of five right maybe yeah too much the buffalo wild i looked this up later because i watched a video of people eating hot wings and the buffalo wild wings, their hottest one, which is not what I got,

uh, goes up to 330 Scoville's. Oh yeah. The Scoville. Yeah. Yeah. You're a, you're a spicy food.

I'm a spicy food. You're a spicy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not, I, but as I get older,

I'm just, it's not, not as interesting anymore. But what's the, did you ever do an extreme hot sauce? Like one of those, you know, suicide sauce? When I was in high school, I had a Spanish class that I was always getting in trouble in. So I would have to eat.

Like it was the weirdest thing. Like if I got in trouble in Spanish class, he would make me eat lunch with him. Like and not go to the, he'd be like, you want more of this? So, uh, and his name was Senor Luarez and, um, he would keep, he'd always call me Butch. Hey Butch, you're going to stay at lunch with me, Butch. And, uh. Is that the accent I was hoping to hear? Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, and, uh, and he, uh, one day was eating his lunch and he just had like three little chilies and like some like canned meat. And, uh, and I remember my dad kind of ate like that too. Um, uh, but, uh, so I was like, can I have, can I try one? He was like, yeah. And I bit like half of it and it was the hottest thing I had ever experienced in my life. I don't know what it might've been like one of those ghost peppers or something.

Sure. No idea what it was. Like, here, down it with a can of meat. Yeah, he was. Like,

that's like Popeye. Like, I couldn't, I panicked a little bit. I couldn't breathe, it was so hot. Wow. Yeah.

So like, that's the experience. And I just never would just bite something that, because I thought I was like, yeah, I can, I can handle my spice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I grew up eating chili all the time. just never would just bite something that that because i thought i was like yeah i can i can

handle my spice yeah yeah i grew up eating oh yeah this wasn't so like it wasn't the hottest thing i've ever tasted it just was a weird like if this was an allergic reaction everyone would love having allergic reactions because they'd be so funny. And your friends would all laugh at you and you'd get over it. Yeah. But this was, so yeah, I think it's just called the hot, like apparently a Frank's Red Hot Sauce. Yeah. Is only like 400 Scovilles.

Oh, so it's like the lower, no, the higher the higher the hotter the hotter but uh like frank's red hot is just like over the counter yeah yeah but this was uh i didn't have the 330 000 one i mine was probably closer to frank's red hot right like much closer yeah i didn't ever like in the past i never had a tolerance but i feel like my tolerance for it has like in the past I never had a tolerance but I feel like my tolerance for it has increased. Yeah I never had any desire.

No. No I mean sometimes like you would see like a wing eating contest in a movie or something and you'd be like someday someday I'll be on a wall of a restaurant. Yeah. But it releases like really hot food releases endorphins and there's like this whole other experience around it like it's a very yeah it's like more than eating

yeah it is it's sweating yeah and plus if you eat a lot of hot food you kind of kill your taste buds and so you need like more spice to yeah yeah so just self-perpetuating right yeah yeah yeah um but this was that is fun this was a college town at guelph and at 38 i was the oldest person in the whole restaurant i mean uh i mean we were the three oldest people but i was older than anyone yeah other than our party right but uh i um you did a cake sit yes i did but in, uh, so like in this college town, every restaurant, apparently you can use your student meal card at. So they had like a little sign up saying we're currently not accepting student meal cards. So it was empty.

Just eat in there for beef, like for alcohol too. Well, the guy was our waiter was like oh you were not supposed to but we always did like he was like the most twist my arm margarita is not technically a food but uh wow and uh the other thing is we rented a car and when you rent a car you get satellite radio yeah and you listen to some shock jocks we discovered trucker radio channel 146 whoa wow what happens on that well there was a like an hour-long discussion of people calling in with weird uh insurance problems they'd had. Nice. You know what? My one guy was like a close member of my family. Oh, you know what? I'll tell you.

My sister. My sister was in a car accident that ruined her life. He was not cagey at all. And then there was one hour that was all about whether to become an owner-operator. Oh, yeah, yeah. Whether to buy a truck. Yeah. Well, there's this big infrastructure bill happening, and you might want to own a flatbed.

Sure. Absolutely. Bring some machinery to some stuff. So then they were talking about three types of trucks, and we had to look up what they were what are they can you remember yeah a van okay whoa hey a uh a flatbed okay and a reefer oh reefer what's that refrigerant uh that's the one we had to look up yeah we eliminated we assumed van was just regular. Van is like anything, like even a cube truck falls under a van. Like a big U-Haul or something is called a van. That's a van.

Oh, really? As long as it's not refrigerated. So is there a, do you have to have a separate, like a special license to drive a refrigerated truck? No. Like a chill, like a little. No, but you do need a, to like. A trucker license. You have a trucker license, yeah.

Wow. And also, from what I've learned from truckers I've talked to, also you need to have a gun. Because when you're just out in the middle of nowhere, you are the law. Oh. Oh, God. Like if you don't want somebody to just take your truck yeah yeah wow yeah trucker radio that sounds that sounds right on my house yeah it was really good uh there was one there was some duds but sure like they had a guy who was a uh had written a book about being a spy yeah and they were trying to apply that to trucker stuff wait

when does this turn into a dud story well he was just like you know it had nothing to do with trucking was my problem with right except someone would call it like they were you could tell they were asking for callers and no one was calling because what does this have to do with being a trucker going on going having a spy ranch in utah when you write your spy novel are you it's not a novel it was a what was it it was a like how it was it was the skills of spies oh and like one guy was like how do i know if i'm being followed on the on the highway and that well what you're gonna do you want to do is you're gonna do what you want to do is you're gonna want to do use what do you call it step stone driving or something where if you if you can radio to someone else and then have them keep an eye on you and then you'll know

if you're followed because you go past your go past your exit and then turn off there and then turn back around it no one else is going to do that. Yeah. Basically like how to find out if someone's following. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Double back.

I guess that's a, that is like somewhat of a concern of a truck driver. Like if you're, cause they, they get robbed. So like that's how, they're the law. They're the law,

man. Yeah. So it was a great trip out there. Yeah. I want to see, I want to see. So it was a great trip out there. Yeah. I want to see, I want to see if I can get a subscription to this trucker radio. Seems like you could probably just. They probably make a podcast. Oh, truck.

I bet you there are trucker podcasts. Yeah. Perfect. You might, some of your listeners might actually listen to trucker podcast. They could recommend you. There's any truckers out there. Drop us a line. Yeah. Also. Honk. Yeah. Yeah's any truckers out there. Drop us a line. Yeah.

Also, honk. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Honk right now. We're doing the thing where we pull our arm down. I don't care who's in front of you. No. Honk. Okay.

What kind of confusion? We were on the road, on the highway at one point, and two truckers were conspiring. I think someone had cut someone off and then then like radioed up the road this guy's a jerk like box this guy in for a few minutes and then so these two truckers like blocked the road nice like just drove really slowly in two lanes and wouldn't let this uh this pickup truck by sounds fun yeah oh man it's gonna be a little bit scary if you're the pickup truck. Yeah, but you had it coming. You did.

Oh, no, I fully support that move. Yeah. If he was a jerk driver. Convoy, et cetera. Yeah. What's going on with you? So. Also, I clogged the toilet.

You might want to check the toilet up there. I feel like my toilet's clogged. you might want to check the toilet up there i used to buy some o'clock yeah i feel like like my toilet's clogged is easier than i need a plunger yeah yeah i personally need a plunger uh because the toilet suits up but also i've got a situation myself i don't know i would almost rather unplug my own toilet. Of course. Yeah. And ask for the plunger. I mean, though.

Yeah. But I don't think they'll do that. Ah, like what? Here's the plunger. We'll wait while you use it and then rinse it. Right. Right. Okay.

I see that. I see the problem. Yeah. Anyway, you're right. Every hotel should have wonder there. It's like, uh,

in the rooms, it's an easy fix. Hotel satellite radio. Uh, we're taking. Every hotel should have wonder. There. There. It's like in the rooms. It's an easy fix. Hotel satellite radio. We're taking your calls. Yeah. There's a movie that I always went to. When it came out, it came out when I was a teenager. And I was like, I'm going to see that movie so fucking bad.

I can't wait to see that movie. Then it went in and out of the theater. Never got to see it. Was it went in and out of the theater never got to see it was it a horny movie no it was like an action movie but uh but it had the potential of horniness oh i want to guess this movie yeah yeah give us clues um okay okay so you were a teenager it was an action movie so it was the 90s yeah it was the 90s was it a bad action movie like no this is it is like quite highly acclaimed. Was it karate based? No, it's not karate based.

Is it gun based? Gun based. Is it Leon? No, not Leon. But totally... Somebody who would love Leon would be like, oh, I love this movie. Is it British? Is it in English? It's in English. It's not British. It's American.

It's got a lot of famous actors in it. Is it Reservoir Dogs? Do you think that's an action movie? It doesn't quite count. Oh, this is the funnest game. Yeah. Okay, okay. Is it The Fifth Element?

No. Is it elements of sci-fi? Is it a sci-fi movie? No, it's not sci-fi. It's like crime, crime. Does it take place in contemporary 90s times? Yes. Yes.

Yeah, it is. Not Dick Tracy. Not Dick Tracy. No, yeah, it's not old-timey gangster. It's not The Last Man Standing with Bruce Willis. No, it was a movie. When it came out, I was was like I can't wait to see this fucking movie

it's not like Jason Statham style no it's like it's not kicks it's yeah cause he's he's kicks and guns

but it's yeah this is all this is all guns all guns crime movie all guns crime crime

is there a central but it's not like action star it's not like a Van Damme or no it's not a Van Damme or. No, it's not a Van Damme. No action heroes in it, but like famous actors are in this movie. Oh my gosh.

Is it Heat? Yes. Oh yeah. Heat's great. No, it's not. Oh, I love it. But when did you see it? When did you first see it?

Well, when it came out. Yeah. Yeah. So if I had seen it when it came out. Yeah. It would be the greatest. Who's the you see it? When did you first see it? Well, when it came out. Yeah. Yeah. So if I had seen it when it came out, it would be the greatest. Who's the rapper in it? Is it Young MC or? Oh, Tone Loke. Tone Loke.

Tone Loke's in it. Tone Loke's in Heat? Yeah. Yeah. Heat's the one with Val Kilmer and. Val Kilmer. Al Pacino and Robert. The craziest ponytail that it's distracting in every scene that he's in.

Yeah. And so I just watched. I watched. Well well i watched what i could stand of it and i got i got uh let's say an hour and a half it's a three hour long film yeah uh is it mike man mike man makes my man it's and it is it is the acting off like movie where the two leads were clearly given the exact amount of screen time as each other. And when they finally have their confrontation, and the movie sets it up like, here's what you've been waiting for. Yeah. Gino and De Niro acting in each other's faces. Yeah. Are they even in the same shot?

They are in one scene in a diner where they're in the same shot. They're back to back. Don't they sit back to back or do they sit face to face? They sit face to face. Okay, I thought they were like doing code. But every line, the other one has a counter line. Like it was written, you can tell like, if he threatens me, I get to threaten him back. We get to do.

Crime doesn't pay. Crime does pay. Yeah. We get to do crime doesn't pay. Crime does pay. And Robert De Niro is doing typical Robert De Niro. He's criminal. Are there cue cards?

And is Al Pacino's hair all teased up yet? Yes. His hair is super teased up. I love it when he starts getting his teased up face. Oh, yeah. Oh, I love any given Sunday. Such a good, like, 80s mom look. It's so good. Stop wasting my time.

There's so many scenes where you could tell that Michael Mann was like, can we just do one straight one? So that Al Pacino's like, no, if I do, that's what you're going to use. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah yeah i gotta yell at everything you're ordering a blizzard in this scene and they do like the the bank like the big kind of fun scene happens in the middle right yeah they rob the bank yeah the goes kind of wrong scene yeah and then it and then there's like an hour and a half more of like they're gonna get well that's i thought the movie was over. So I was like, well,

and I just walked away and then they came back and the heat was still happening without my permission. Um, but it, it, man, oh man, I needed to have seen that movie when I was young.

Yeah. I saw it in my early twenties and I, I, because I remember when it came out, it was kind of like built up that finally these two titans. Yeah. Val Kilmer. And Tone Loke.

Tone Loke. Finally in a movie together. That put their differences aside. I don't remember Tone Loke at all in that. What did he do? He was in a club. Yeah. It was very brief.

And it was to the, like, while I was watching it, I was like, is this Tone Loke? Is this Tone Loke from Ace Ventura? Yeah. That's right. And, but I remember it being, like, not well-reviewed at the time. Right. And when I say, like, big movie, it was like all the guys I know who had seen it were like,

this is the greatest. Yeah, yeah. I was also going to guess Dead Presidents. Oh, remember that? I never saw it. Is it good? With Chris Tucker. I don't think I've ever seen that. You're thinking of the fifth element.

No, no, but isn't it Chris Tucker? Isn't he? I don't know. We haven't seen it. Oh, you haven't seen it. Yeah, I've seen the poster and I was like, what? Because I remember going to a friend of a friend's house and he had two posters on the wall one was dead presidents and the other one was

called oh shit uh it all comes to me there was one called maybe suicide kings oh yeah yeah and then is that that's a gulf war movie isn't it i don't know are you thinking of the fisher king maybe yes no three kings is a gulf and then uh what's the one that like takes place down in the docks in boston and it's like is it the is mark walberg in it no but it's it was pre it was pre walbert right right where he made the scene anyways i'll remember the name of it but speaking of uh of tone loc i remember learning like figuring out when i was young that like talk show hosts didn't write their own jokes because johnny carson he's like i was very little johnny carson was doing he was like they say that def leopard and tone lock have joined forces and i and i was like why doesn't he know what he's saying? And then I was like, oh, because he didn't write this.

And he's reading it off a card. And he didn't go to rehearsal. Yeah, I have to have joint tone lock. And the audience kind of gave like a knowing, like, oh, no, this has gone bad. And he said. We're rooting for you. The punchline of the joke was that they joined a band together and they were called Tone Deaf. So sorry to go all the way through this joke.

Yeah. But it needed a conclusion. Yeah. Yeah. So, so I watched most of heat. Yeah. And,

uh, I don't know. I don't know if I have the gumption to, is there another big shoot them up scene? Is there something to go back for? No, the, it,

in my recollection, it peaks in the middle. Yeah. Um, and, uh, I mean, you. No, the, it, in my recollection, it peaks in the middle. Yeah. Um, and, uh, I mean, you get to see the,

the exciting conclusions. I mean, according to the way you're talking about how it's written, they probably both die or live at the end. Yeah. Yeah. Both get a death scene and then both get to come back to life. Um,

I, I, I just finished watching this TV show killing Eve. Oh yeah. And that's got some very exciting moments and then the last little bit it's a spy show and i made me realize i don't think i like spy things i don't care who anyone works for yeah like i don't when that's the thing it's like finding out who was making the spy do stuff i i just want to see them like chase each other yeah i don't care who's pulling the strings that seems to be a big thing in like the born movies as well right yeah i don't uh i'm here i saw tinker taylor soldier spy on an airplane and was so lost yeah i was watching it

it was like i don't and like using these like, you know, it was like MI6 and all that kind of stuff. And then like stuff that I didn't know what I'd never like. Well, he of course, that's right. And then he's going. And then we're now, we'd all figured it out. Like what? What's going on? Was he the Tinker?

Yeah. And they even say Tinker, Taylor, Soldier, Spy in the movie. Really? Yeah. Well, it's based on that old children's nursery rhyme. Yeah. Yeah. Tinker, Taylor Spy in the movie. Really? Yeah. Well, it's based on that old children's nursery rhyme. Yeah, yeah. Tinker Taylor

Soldier Spy. Guy got a 4 and 20 blackberry baked in a pot. Yeah. So, you know, that was the big, that was the

hallmark of the week was seeing most of Heat. If I watch the other half of it, I'll let you guys know. Listeners, should

Graham and I separately, we're not going to make time to do this. We're not going to have a date night. No. Should we see Dead Presidents? Yes. Should we watch Dead Presidents or the Boondock Saints? Ah, Boondock Saints. That's what it was.

Yes, I remember that movie. For sure. Was Willem Dafoe in it? Yeah, maybe Willem Dafoe is in it. And maybe a British comedian or that Scottish comedian, what's his name? Billy Connolly? Yeah, Billy Connolly's in it, maybe.

Yeah, that makes sense. I remember just seeing that poster on the wall and just staring at it and being like, what the fuck is this? This is your favorite movie? Or the video store was giving away posters. Yeah, you've got Boondocks, Saints, and Benny and June.

Oh, yeah. I definitely had posters on my wall of movies I never saw. Yeah, yeah. Like Chud. Yeah. Chud's a good one. I don't think I ever saw it. What did it stand for?

Cannibalistic Humanoid Underground Dweller. Thank you. Nice one. And yeah, I had a poster on my wall. I mean, I don't know. I mean, I could have stood for anything. Something like that. Of a Steve Martin movie called My Blue Heaven.

Yeah? Yeah. But why did I have that poster on my wall? Is that one with Rick Moranis? Rick Moranis, yeah. I remember it being kind of like a score to get a movie poster do you know what the do you know the story behind that one behind the movie yeah i i might be getting this wrong who wrote that i don't know i feel like it was a husband and a wife i'm getting

the details of this wrong we're both screenwriters yeah and one of them interviewed they both interviewed the same mobster and one of them wrote goodfellas and the other wrote my blue heaven oh yeah because my blue heaven is about a guy who goes into the witness protection program oh yeah i can see that based on the same yeah guy the same uh ray liotta guy yeah i guess so yeah oh cool yeah no i mean if that's not a story let's start that rumor yeah that's a good way that's a good rumors and uh the same thing happened uh with the husband and wife interviewed a guy and they came up with the star wars and oh boy here it comes uh julie and julia same guy same guy oh wow uh do we want to move on to a little bit of business nope over all right

greetings i am plec deck setter contacting you from the zik squadron which is frankly uh sort of crappy but i'm here on a heroic mission with my trusty crew c53 heroic feels like an exaggeration okay sure and uh security officer dark don't put me in your stupid recording well and we're all traveling aboard our trusty starship, the Bargerian Jade. Bargy. What? Sorry. I'm awake. I'm awake. I was just flying while asleep. Hey there, this is Alden Ford. I play Plek, and we are so excited to announce

that our podcast, Mission to Zix, is now part of the Maximum Fun Network. Our third season launches on MaxFun on March 20th. Binge seasons one and two right now. That's Mission to zyxx overheard overheard the segment on the show where we hear things out there in the world and then we can't wait to share them here on the show and we always like to start with the guest mark would you lead the chart that's me um i don't know if i've talked

about this before uh but i have a uh in my my apartment building my bathroom is like kind of like there's a vent and it kind of i think serves as the telephone for the entire building like it unites unless it's just the neighbor which i don't think it is i think it's like because i hear so like just an array of voices coming through that. Right. Through that bathroom all the time. And it's usually, and it's from their bathrooms. Yeah.

So there's like this weird. Oh, sure. Like bathroom, like. All the. Like it's like kind of like a prison thing when you. All the air intake is coming. Is it, is that what? It's a, it's a.

Yeah. It's a high in the, you know, it's a vent on the, like near the ceiling. It's a pie in the sky. It's a pie in the sky. Yeah. Sure. This is a pie in the sky. This is a bathroom party party line there's a bad everybody's on this it's like bathroom party line yeah but nobody ever acknowledges that we can hear each other

because that because we break that seal yeah it's very weird right the bathroom is in the chattiest room in the house i usually just talk only thing i say in the bathroom is can i get a plunger yeah i say sometimes come on you can do it yeah yeah yeah or like oh not again or like yes again uh i uh and my wife and i don't like we know like not to talk too loud in the bathroom because we know that everyone can just like hear like. Because you were raised right. Yeah. Well, you'll be like in the same or like if you, especially if you shout from the bathroom, like, hey, can you get me a plunger? You know, like that's definitely getting broadcast over the whole, whoever is in the bathroom. Yeah.

But like, so it's usually pretty mundane on the, on the telephone. Like, like just like just normal shit. But the other day a woman was like, uh, um, and it came to a head where she was like, oh, I probably shouldn't be talking. So I think people can hear through the vent. Like she was talking, I think to her, to her partner or something. It's like, I think people can hear. And so she's like, I think we should probably not talk so loud.

I think people can hear. It's kind of like was catching herself. And I so bad just wanted to be like no one can hear you please continue to talk we shouldn't talk about this weird boil yeah yeah but i didn't i didn't say anything i just couldn't because then the gig would be up yeah yeah and this is like this is free entertainment It's free entertainment. It's usually like. But she's, she's, she's onto you already. Like she knows. Yeah. She, she's figured it out.

She's figured it out. You should, you should, what you should say is shut up. Don't let everyone else know. How many. I get the gossip of the building. Yeah. How many, how many different bathrooms do you think are connected? At least like four or five.

Yeah. I mean, your voice couldn't really travel that far anyway. No, I mean, you'd be surprised. Like once it's in like a little like tunneled vent system, I think it bounces around. It couldn't possibly bounce around the whole building. I don't know. I've definitely stayed in hotels with that, where I can hear what's going on through some ventilating system. Yeah.

It's pretty great. Mm-hmm. great yeah so i put a camera in it so i can sliver yeah oh that was the horniest movie are we guessing 90s movies i went i was uh really quick when i was in high school uh we went to see a double feature of uh of uh fatal attraction and then sliver was supposed to be afterwards like oh like my girlfriend at the time my high school girlfriend and then like another couple at a drive-thru but she read the she read the thing wrong and it was sniper with tom berenger yeah we were all so ready for a horny movie and it was sniper you know like i guess tom barringer's pretty just trying to imagine he was the catcher in major league well i guess i was that that had a horny moment

the clearest blue eyes uh dave do you have an over here we go, guys. So this is when I was waiting for my flight to Ottawa. It was through Toronto. And it was a red eye. And it was very late. It was supposed to leave at 10.55, and it was leaving at like 12.30. Right. And there was this, I didn't know you could bring someone to the gate with you who wasn't flying. You can't.

I, well, this, this older, this older guy from Newfoundland. Oh yeah. Had a young woman with him. Not young, but like in her fifties, sixties, but he was in his late seventies, I'd say. And, uh, and, and, you know, when his, when he got on the plane, he, she gave him a hug and said, okay, have a great flight and walked away. So I don't know. Like they seem to be together. And then at the last moment.

She maybe could be on a different flight. Yeah, maybe. Uh, but he was talking about, they were talking about, uh, uh, and if, if people don't know Newfoundland, people from canada it's a it's out east they've got a very charming accent i can't do it very folksy it's very folksy it's like there's a little bit a little bit and uh he was talking about you know all the things he'd done in his life, like never knew I'd, I'd make it out this far. And, uh, and, uh, she was like, yeah, it's, it's great. Blah, blah, blah, blah. And he was talking about, uh, oh, this flight to Toronto at six hours and it's not, it's four, four and a half going that direction. And, uh, he said, yeah, six hours to toronto and the woman was like well it's a big country and he said yes it is and i love it oh yeah it's like a beer commercial yeah yeah i like

it a lot it's very sweet yeah it is a big country you can fly to fly from here to there and to newfoundland it's four and a half time zones yeah and there's very there's not a direct flight from vancouver i don't think it's no yeah that that flight like the vancouver to toronto is i kind of hate because you're still in the same country yeah there's no exotic stores on the other end you're just like no same same books as the airport i just left yeah guess what uh movies i watched oh uh i'm gonna i don't even know what's out right now um i'm doing a uh finger mustache yeah i want to say it's that one I just want to see this movie Operating a microphone

Looks like you're yucking it up No no no Oh good how was it It was It was good That's the kind of movie i like it's like a straight up biopic music biopic uh but uh um it's strangely like they showed a clip of queen at the end of the movie and everyone throughout the movie is wearing dumb wigs and yeah the guy playing freddie mercury like you

see freddie mercury and you're like oh his teeth are kind of weird and you get over it in about five seconds yeah but in this whole movie it's like what is this what is in this guy's mouth like it's it's some weird orthotic yeah. He's like wearing those vampire teeth that you get on Halloween. So they gave him like, they got his costume like right down to the teeth? Yeah. Oh boy, yeah. Yeah. It's a big part of the movie.

Yeah, like there's something about his teeth that makes it so that he's a better singer because he has so many teeth or something like that. He's got four extra teeth. Oh. Yeah. Wow, that makes you a better singer i mean he's in the movie he says he has a bigger range yeah right because of his because your range is equal to your teeth yeah but if i had four more teeth you'd have four more teeth

but like my voice isn't any good to begin with so it's like i have a bigger range of this. I have this. But in the other one, Crazy Rich Asians. Oh, yes. I wasn't going to act that one out. And that's good, too. Yeah. A romance for our time. i uh you have an overheard yeah my overheard is a courtesy of a woman and a guy on on the bus uh i don't know if she was his uh kind of caretaker

or or maybe a relative but he was a developmentally challenged man. You might have just been from Newfoundland. But he was asking some very pressing questions to her. Like, what would happen if I was as big as a dinosaur? That's great. It was great. And her answer, equally equally is great she said well i guess i would wash you with a hose and i would climb up on the roof of the house comb your hair oh yeah two sweet ones

yeah yeah yeah with a rake yeah it was it was pretty cute it was and she didn't hesitate at all like i think she'd been asked this question before did Did you say, excuse me, dinosaurs don't have hair. Miss. We don't know that. It's true. And then she came back with, he said, as big as a dinosaur, not a dinosaur. They might have had feathers. Yeah. What if Steven Spielberg, as just a purely artistic choice, made

all the dinosaurs exactly, but they all had hairdos? Parted. Parted down the middle like newscaster haircut like the tyrannosaurus rex would have a sweet haircut you'd have a mohawk of course yeah yeah yeah and the the raptors but just all the dinosaurs have hairdos oh it'd be great yeah and like the people working in the movie are like well i, I guess. I mean, you're in charge of this. Yes, I am. They will have hair. I gave Indiana Jones hair.

Why wouldn't I give the dinosaurs hair? He came with hair. Did he? I gave Oscar Schindler hair. Yeah. Yeah. So think about that come Oscar season.

We also have overheard sent in from people around the world. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in sent in from people around the world. You want to send one into us. You can send it into SPY at maximum fun.org. And, uh, this first one comes from Gina from Pasadena. Oh, I love it. You win.

You already, uh, I had the windows of my house open yesterday and I could hear a woman walking down the sidewalk with a little hyper little boy. She was clearly trying to come up with ways to keep him entertained, telling him to skip around a puddle and pick up some leaves. But none of them seem to be working. Finally, she said with a bit of exasperation, why don't you go run up to that orange sign that says open trench? Gina from Pasadena. Oh, man. And did he?

Don't think so. But, you know, there's only so many things you can do to keep a kid entertained before you have to let them just discover a trench. Yeah. And that'll be the rest of the afternoon, getting kid out of the train yeah but you know what you might get on the news and they might give you a promotional t-shirt yeah baby jessica jennifer jessica jessica yeah um trench baby down the well i tried very hard to convince somebody once that baby jessica was still alive and still in the well she is still alive yeah but that she had grown up in the well.

And they just fed her through it. Yeah, just fed her through it and clothed her and educated her. You're writing a great screenplay. Yeah, yeah. The tutor that gets lowered down. Why did the tutor have to be lowered down? He can get pretty close. Close enough that she can see the visual aids that I brought.

All right, I said, can you send up your homework? I didn't get around to it. Oh, you were busy in the well? Oh, we're going to wit. Hanging out with your friend. This next one comes from Craig in East Kilbride, bride scotland uh while my yeah do you know that no no kill bride east kill east kill bride yeah right uh well you mean you made a face like we shouldn't kill our brides yeah well probably not

while my wife was at the gym she overhe overheard the owner slash coach discussing her favorite color. Said, I don't know what my favorite color is. I love all the colors. But I suppose if I had to choose, I'd say tortoise. Wow. Is that green? Yeah, or tortoise shell. Is it like brown? Brown green? Yeah, or tortoise shell. Is it like brown?

Brown green? Yeah, I don't know. Or brown? I would think it was brown. Yeah. Tortoise? Tortoise. Tortoise.

I mean, I'll... Or do you think that she was saying turquoise with a Scottish accent? Tortoise. Oh, yeah. Oh, I forgot they were Scottish. Tortoise. Turquoise. Turquoise. Turquoise. Turquoise.

I apologize to our Scottish listeners. Yeah, so that's what I was about to say. Well, I just Googled tortoise color and it said, including results for turquoise color. Look at that. And also the first result is a tortoise coloring book. Oh, fun. So it's blank. Yeah.

Great. That's true. This last one comes from Tyler F. in Bloomington, Indiana. I was walking past an open classroom door on campus just in time to hear the professor ask the class, but what is the difference between Hamiltonilton and eminem i mean yeah yes i mean it was both both rap both are rappers rap both are very popular yeah both uh uh you know based on based on the true stories both are fromhuh. Both are from the vantage point of Aaron Burr. Yes.

Except for Eminem. Yeah. Both grew up in Detroit. Except for Hamilton. Except for Hamilton. Yeah, both have little bits where Eminem makes a little, huh? Yeah. Oh.

Yeah. He makes little noises. Yeah, yeah. Is that part of rap anymore? Yeah, I think so. What? It doesn't seem like being, because Eminem was very silly. He was always doing very like silly things.

Ugh! Yeah. He would do like, why I oughta. Grant, what'd you say? Huh, what'd you say? He had like a whole song that was like, ha ha ha. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But I don't think there's any rappers who are like okay give me give me a beat i'm gonna be really silly for the next five minutes what yeah and then he had sad mad songs yeah you know he gave us everything we needed yeah yeah thanks it's weird that you would go to a concert and be like yeah i want to hear the goofy stuff and i also want to be sad yeah and also better come out with a chainsaw and a hockey mask and really scare me off the top yeah guys in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, do it. 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and potential guests. I was working in an office supply store a couple weeks ago, and I overheard a 14, 15-year-old girl say to her mom when they were looking at pencils, like, Mom, I don't want any pencils. I want highlighters. You don't get it.

Highlighters are lit. They can click. That was it. Damn right. Your mom's not going to know. She doesn't understand. She's just a mullady. A hip kid. Is that kid going to do all her work with highlighters?

Don't buy me any regular pens from now on. I mean, what is... That's awful. Highlighters. Yeah, exactly. Do these math problems with this highlighter only. Just remember, I will be grading everything under a black light. This glass is lit.

Here's your next phone call, guys. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guests. My name's Jerome. I'm calling from Victoria. I'm calling you over here. I recently moved into a new place, and I can hear everything that the landlord above me does. The walls are essentially paper.

And she's got two young kids, and they've both been sick, and so her one daughter's just coughing up a storm, you know, just non-stop, head, head, head, never ends, except a brief between, but, so, one girl's just coughing, and then you can hear, then you can hear, stomp, can hear, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, stomp, and then I hear my landlord go, she yells, Ella, you're going to throw up. Just go to the bathroom.

Don't run around and puke everywhere. I just laughed forever. So anyway, off I go. Wow, that was great. There was a lot of mystery there. I thought for sure the kid was like running to the bathroom, throwing up, walking back, running to the bathroom. Just running in a tornado.

You're just like finding every corner, every unthrown up on area. That's awful. Wow. You know, and probably he thinks those thin walls are a curse, but that was pretty good. I've been told I'm a very loud vomiter. Is that right? Yeah. Really?

What do you do? Like that? Like just real? Yeah, like I really exert myself. Wow. I'm very quiet. You wouldn't even know if you were in the stall next to me. I puke mostly in toilet stalls. even know if you were in the stall next to me.

I puke mostly in toilet stalls. In public. Yeah, in urinals. Also, for an hour before I throw up, I will say, oh, no. Oh, yeah. Really set the stage. Yeah. I saw this kid flip his eyelids.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, boy. I was testing my gag reflex. Oh, you. Oh, no. Oh, boy. I was testing my gag reflex. Oh, you have one? Weird. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests.

This is Josh from Houston, Texas, calling in with an overheard. I just went to a bar after work to grab a quick bite to eat, and there was a guy working behind the counter and a woman comes around the counter to start her shift and she approaches the guy and says larry why did you say my text was confusing and larry immediately says back to her because you're a woman you're confusing anyways that's my over and off I go. I really like the impression that he did.

That was good. That's also like, that's some classic sitcom delivery. Yeah. Because you're a woman. You are confusing. Confusing. Audience cheers. Yay.

Women are confusing confusing we all agree wow quality yeah why they're from Venus yeah I don't get it

I'm from Mars yeah that's the thing different planets like I mean my planet's very cold yeah but the planet's much warmer yeah um one another planet who's from mercury dogs i guess yeah dogs are from mercury all dogs you're stupider if you're from jupiter yeah yeah uranus is uh grass and i'm a lawnmower.

Well, that brings us to the end of this here. No! Okay. Bust out the sleeping bags. Yeah, yeah. Yay! It's doing all nighter, guys. Are you guys sleeping down there?

Are you still podcasting? We're sleeping! We're just puking all night. Um, what would you like to, uh, plug? What do you think?

The perfect world. Clean slate. Yeah. Yeah. Blue sky. My, my big film. I don't,

you know, I, I, uh, I, I, I, I'm working on many,

many projects, uh, but they're all like a year out. Okay. Like I've been writing a play. I'm working on a little podcast. I'm doing, I'm doing another little TV deal.

Yeah. But they're all like, I can't announce anything. Sunday service. Yeah. Sunday service. So if you're in Vancouver, come to Sunday service.

Even if you're not, come fly out. Yeah. Bring Cornelius. Yeah. Bring Cornelius. Well, he'll be there.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I hope. He's, he's now is just the standard at every show i really hope he is um and yeah every sunday rain or shine uh at the fox so you'll do the indoor show even if it rains yeah we'll do it if it rains reassuring solid there for you like the

postal service yeah um would you think they'll ever release a follow-up to their debut album do they only ever release one album yeah oh postal service yeah i thought they had two no oh no who was i listening to yeah this is your mailman um uh we have a show upcoming it's right right around the corner is this the last episode before the show we should have plugged it

at the beginning oh yeah oh boy February 17th the Rio Theater part of JFL

Northwest go to maximum you know what go to stoppodcastingyourself.com it'll take you to where you need

to go there'll be a link to buy tickets to this show it's going to be great i'm gonna be so much fun it's your last chance to see us live this year and it's only february oh no really uh and uh if you uh enjoyed the show out there uh please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.