Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 57 - Dan Werb

Episode Date: April 6, 2009

Dan Werb of Woodhands returns to talk SXSW, movie soundtracks, and crack.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello, everybody. Welcome to episode number 57 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and joining me in the downtown studio as always is the man who will play Stan in the Eminem musical

debuting at the Vancouver Fringe Fest this year, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, my uncle is in prison too. And I'm forgetting the parts about Stan. My Dido is in my trunk. And she's pregnant. And she's keeping the accent. And I'm Devin Sawa. It was played by Devin Sawa, wasn't it? You're going to be a better Stan than Devin Sawa It was played by Devin Sawa

Wasn't it? You're going to be a better Stan Than Devin Sawa Local actor Devin Sawa And joining us here on the podcast today Two time champion guest This is your second time here on the podcast Amazing musician

Is it fair to say Frontman of the band I mean I'm the singer yeah so you're the front man i mean there's only two of us though yeah well there's got to be one person up front if we're talking technically we're both at the front right of the stage can i say one half yeah one half of woodhands yeah i like that and uh yeah like i said two-time champion guest, a triumphant return here in 2009, was I think our last guest of 2008. Is that right? Taz may have slipped in under the water.

Oh, okay. Taz. Taz. But Mr. Dan Warb, thank you very much for coming back. Well, thank you so much for the repeat invite. I feel pretty touched i actually saw former uh guest and uh arch rival of devin sawa because they were both child actors right aj bond right today and uh young earnest i was like he's like what are you doing today i was like oh i'm

doing stop podcasting yourself and he's like didn't you already do one I was like, oh, I'm doing Stop Podcasting Yourself. And he's like, didn't you already do one? I was like, yeah. And then we had sort of like a thing. Like kind of a weird moment. He was like, huh. Well, he's done it since you. I mean, it's Yeah, AJ was post Dan Warp. But the reason we're having Dan, let's get to know us.

Get to know us. The reason we're having Dan dan we're back is because well i don't know yeah your hair looked like a faux hawk for a moment there a fowl hawk um i uh dan you were recently at the south by southwest music festival and i would like to know what that is. Okay, so the South by Southwest Music Festival is the only legitimate music festival with the X

in the name. You know how there's like North by Northeast? Why is that not legitimate? What about an extreme music festival? There was North by Northwest. I think X as a short form for Bi. So if you're X-curious,

that doesn't count. That's not a thing. Right? X-curious sort of means not curious. I would just assume not curious. Yeah, right? That's funny how X can swing both ways like that. So,

South by Southwest, it's in Austin, Texas. It's every year. Austin-tacious? Is that Austin-tacious? Is it pompous? There's a lot of rock. There's a lot of rock. See, now, I've always heard this. It happens in Austin, Texas.

Is it one of those things where the festival is like everything that's a bar has shows happening in it, and there's tents and there's absolutely absolutely everything like you walk down the street and there are a million tiny bars restaurants like smoothie shacks hot sauce stores and like every single place has a rock band playing pretty much wow um and it's it's kind of crazy because you see these big bands and because there's so many venues and so many people no one like like these huge bands will play in relatively small places so really i saw do you know the band peter bjorn and john oh yeah of the whistle young folks song they're what are they swedish they're swedish yeah they're swedish i would assume super famous like international hit makers bad haircuts they played after this and like they're like a million bands on every bill they're playing in a laundromat somewhere

they yeah they were playing in this tiny bar and um they played after the von bondys which is this like intense detroit yeah yeah rock like straight guy got punched by jack white yeah that's why he's famous and uh they uh had a song in an EA Sports game. You know you've made it when. Two really good ways to get famous. When Tony Hawk is jumping to your music. It was on the Albert Pujols MVP baseball season, I think 2005. You don't even make it into a skateboarding game, you make it into a baseball game.

Or EA's only snooker game of the year uh but so yeah so they played they played after uh after the von bonnies and um they have this scandinavian je ne sais quoi like they're super chill and right they didn't really seem to care about anything they were very lax but they also played they started like 40 minutes late yeah and everyone because there's so many bands everyone's just watching them set up so everyone got like really angry and then they started and they played one like kind of half decent song and then they played half of another half-decent song and then just stopped halfway through. And I guess they were having, like, technical problems or something. Oh, I thought emotional problems. But it didn't, like, everything sounded fine.

And then they just stopped. And then they were like, excuse us a moment. And then the crowd turned so hard against them. I've never seen anything like this. They were like like show us that you care and they were saying where yeah they were swearing at them and show us that you care yeah imagine imagine getting that heckle and what would you even do with that these three they're like these three kind of like hey dudes in like suits yeah you know kind of like kind of like twee kind

of guys who i think putting on a suit kind of shows that you care yeah i think so that's a step in the right direction right uh so then we like i got really uncomfortable and just left so were you performing at this festival i was performing yeah where did you perform? I performed across the street from there on this outdoor stage in this venue. How many shows did you do? We did four. In how many days? It truly is a South by Southwest festival.

Yeah, it was fun. I mean, it's just like for me, I wasn't raised on rock music aside from The Beatles. What were you raised on rock music aside from the Beatles. What were you raised on? What would the parents play in the house? The Beatles.

Just the Beatles? Yeah. So there wasn't anything else? They didn't even play it. They just had these Beatles records. So I just listened to the Beatles. My first CD, Waynesworld soundtrack. Oh, yeah.

I think we talked about this. Maybe not. I don't think we did. I certainly remember that. I mean, it was a perfect storm, really. CD technology came to a certain point. I was at a certain age. That's an interesting thing.

Did you have that soundtrack as well? No, I didn't. But my first CD was the Batman soundtrack by Prince. It's funny because a soundtrack really is for a kid. It's like a gateway CD. Because it's attached to something you already like. Prince. Yes.

And the Joker. And then it's kind of like a buffet. Not that one. That was all Prince. That was all Prince. But it was still a buffet. Prince buffet. But that one. That was all Prince. That was all Prince. But it was still a buffet. Prince buffet. But yeah, that Wayne's World soundtrack, that was big.

Tia Carrere singing Ballroom Blitz. That was like, I remember loving that. And then someone who actually knew something was like, you know that's not the original, right? And then I felt so stupid. Yeah, no, but that's the thing is it was a gateway to learning that there were other bands. Like, I don't think I'd ever heard of Bohemian Rhapsody

before that movie came out. I had, and I was so mad in grade six. I remember that. Because you had prior knowledge. Oh, my God, I remember this. Because we did a thing on music, and I did a presentation on Queen, and I was like part of it one line

of it was like this song is going to be in Wayne's World and you guys are going to love it so you knew beforehand yeah I forget how I knew he was precocious you had an early edition of IMDB yeah you had an IMDB CD that you put

on your computer I subscribed to the IMDBb monthly CD-ROMs for music. Very good. But it was hot in Austin, and we rented a house, and we had a trampoline. Oh. How many of you? So you rented a house that had a trampoline? Wow.

That's pretty great. And free long distance. It was like this amazing world and i see we call people here and be like guess where i'm calling you from well actually i had to uh i had to do some group work with my school mates all right we had uh oh via phone yeah well via Skype. Now, for anybody who hasn't heard the first episode that Dan Ward was in, you are also... I'm also in school. You're also a student, and you're studying... It was endocr...

Epidemiology. I was going to say endocrinology. It's epidemiology. Criminology of the endocrines. Endocrines? Of the endocrine system. That doesn't really exist no

but you are also studying as well as being a hardcore rocker and Beatles fan and lifelong Beatles fan yeah yeah I realized I think last time

I was on the podcast I was maybe a little tired of doing both but now I'm like really tired of doing both how much longer is your I have one week left and then I'm done

all my courses forever? I think so yeah what do you mean like you've graduated? no I have to write a thesis And then I'm done all my courses. Forever? I think so, yeah. What do you mean? Like you've graduated? No. No, I have to write a thesis. Okay.

But that you can do on your own time. Yeah. All right. Anything else to add? So what craze? Did you eat tons of barbecue? I ate a ton of barbecue. I ate barbecued beef ribs.

There was talk of shooting a gun. You didn't shoot a gun? We didn't shoot a gun. Were you doing some kind of Southwest travel show? Well, last year when we went. Did you ride a bull? Did you see any Adobes? I bought some hot sauce.

I bought tequila lime hot sauce. That was delicious. Was? Yeah. Have you finished it? It's all gone. Well, I had two bits of it with a friend of mine. And then took a plane and they confiscated it. Too many ounces.

I thought we were under the limit. Eh. It's crazy time. Know your limit. Play within it. So did anything really positive come out of the festival there's yeah scouted yeah we got scouted we got scouted which was fun we got uh we made friends with this british guy who uh hugged me after my show what was his name? Simon. Oh, nice. And he's

got a label in the UK. It's not Cal. But when he hugged you, you were very wet. Yeah, I was sweaty and gross. And I thought that was pretty cool. But it wasn't Simon Cal. It wasn't Simon Cal. He wore a hat, a cap. Okay.

What else cool happened? No, that's pretty good. That that is pretty good i had to take a bus from seattle to vancouver why i've done that before that's well i had to come back early um to go to class to finish my stats homework did you leave the other half of woodhands down there yeah he's in another band so that's why we got a house so there were a bunch of us so he was playing he was double time on it yeah he played a ton of shows i played what's the other band it's called the rural alberta advantage oh that's a great name they're pretty good yeah is it not you think it's too complicated well it's certainly um it's got some local flavor it does it has a of flavor. It doesn't have the name wolf in it.

True. True. Or any other animal. Oh, are you only fans of animal based? Yep. So you must really like... I don't know. I don't have anything.

I thought I had something there. I really did. Samantha Fox. Ah, yes. Dave, what's going on with you this week? What happened? What's shaking since last week? Geez.

Well. Oh, Grandpa got injured this past week. I was really glad. What? That was my exclamation of surprise. And I was really glad to hear that he pulled through. I want to say I was really glad to hear that he pulled through. He pulled through. I want to say I was really glad. Well, he was at the park.

Grandpa's my dog for any new listeners. That would really be great if this was the first time that you ever listened. Well, Grandpa had an injury at the park. And he, I guess, well, he was just giving her at the park. Like he always does. Like he always does. Like he always does. You know, living life. To the fullest.

Loving life. Yeah. And he came home, had a nap, and when he woke up, he was all stiff in his shoulder. And he's had that before, and it just kind of goes away in a couple hours if he pushes himself too hard. And it didn't go away for a while. So Abby went online, and she saw a website that said we could we should ice it and how do you ice a dog yeah that can't be especially such a scrappy one yeah he's not gonna sit still i'm feeling scrappy oh so he was just like do whatever you gotta do yeah

yeah so uh and also it said to give him some acetaminophen and so but she didn't know how much to give him and we only have have ibuprofen so i went online and i looked and it said do not give your dog acetaminophen it can cause instant death oh my god that's the worst kind of dog death so we didn't do that we decided to give him nothing and just wait for it to uh fix itself and then I went to another web page looking for answers. And someone had the same dog problem. It was on a message board. And all the replies were, take your dog to the vet right now.

What's wrong with you? Why aren't you taking your dog to the vet? This was replies to your post? No, someone who had posted something similar. Like my dog's shoulder hurts? Yeah. So it made me feel like a terrible owner for not having already taken him to the vet. And then the vet, I took him there, and he was like, he's fine.

Give him some acetaminophen. But I don't get why a hurt shoulder would immediately constitute possible dog death. No, no, acetaminophen. Acetaminophen. Oh, I see. Yeah, yeah. Because it's dog poison. I feel like dogs it's C. deminifin. Oh, I see. It's dog poison.

I feel like dogs instantly die from so many different things. Yeah, they're not a smart creature. Biologically. Yeah, no, no. Their biology isn't smart. That's what he was getting at. Yeah, I mean, Grandpa, he's a scrappy dude. He's going to put himself through his paces.

He's a Scooby dude. Yeah, he is a Scooby dude. Scrappy dude. Was that his nephew? It was his nephew. His ingenue. It was Scooby and his ingenue. That's right.

Scooby-Doo and Scrappy-Doo. And another thing that's going on is, I didn't mention this before, but any listeners in the Maritime region can come and see me at the Halifax Comedy Festival this month between the 22nd and 25th. Go to their website and look for me. It's amazing.

This is the most beautiful thing. They're going to love Dave out there because Halifax is a great entertainment town. Because I love Lobster. Yeah, and you've got all those jokes about muscles. They loved me in Brussels.

Yeah, exactly. You're going to have a lot of fun out there. And you're playing at, I think, the venues of this year's festival. I went many years ago. The venues were kind of just, it was very kind of South by Southwest-y. It was, you know, this tiny pub and this place, and I was in a food court one day.

It sounds like there's actual, like you're in a casino, you're in a club, you're in actual place. You're playing in a theater one night. Yeah. So it's going to be exciting. I think I have at least one show with Dat Fan. The first ever... Get to the exciting thing. The big name.

This is it. Here it is. Get ready. Michael Winslow. A.K.A. the sound effect guy from Police Academy. No! Yeah. Fuck. That is awesome. But you know what's a weird thing? You know he's going to be awesome. Oh, it's going to be amazing.

He'll probably do his Jimmy Hendrix bit. That shit is timeless. He's timeless. Sound effects. Yeah. Oh, the thing that's interesting is I realize now that Michael Winslow, being the sound effect guy from Police Academy, is becoming less and less of a signpost thing that you can throw out as a general reference i've realized that in the last year or so it's it's

diminishing returns on throwing that reference out the kids just don't know anymore no and then no nor should they there's no reason they should be going well the only reason they should know is because of michael winslow himself yeah if he's not spreading the word but i was talking you should be pushing hard like because we brought this up and that you were doing the festival and i was talking to somebody and they said do you think that michael winslow's headshot is of him in a police like a police uniform and i thought well there's no reason that he shouldn't have that as his headshot because that anybody who would recognize his name or who he is would make that connection and anybody who didn't would just think it was i don't know the cup of the month or whatever it wouldn't matter

to them you know yeah from their sexy calendar exactly the big uh joke that people make about michael winslow is that he uh did sound effects in a movie yeah and movies you can just edit in sound effects so there's no way of proving he actually did those sound effects but i have you see him i've seen him on just for laughs i'm sure he does though well even then he's on a stage you could be all yeah there's a what if that was his whole thing that it's all just like a crazy ruse like a britney a britney style situation man she can't sing at all and also did you guys see those the photoshop photos of her for her candy advertising campaign here's the thing candy candy is like it's a kind of like a cheapo line of clothing

that they sell it kind of like you really hate britney i don't but this i hate this i hate the candies the shoes maybe it's candies is it candies that's a shoe line is it one that she endorses she i don't know it might be candies okay okay let's say it's candies. Fine. There's an ad campaign going on right now where it's of her, but it's clear that they've lopped off her gut that she has now. She has a gut now. She's a mother of six. She's pushing into... It's true.

Yeah, she's pushing into 30. She's had... How many kids? Two. Two kids. That she knows. But she's kind of crazy, right? No, yeah, but don't...

No, no, no, I mean that's... She doesn't have the discipline that she used to have. She's turned it around a bit. I don't think she has a gut anymore. She does. I've seen pictures online of her latest tour. She's not... out of shape,

but she's not in the shape that this ad is picturing. I don't know, I just think it's a little sad. Do you not think it's a little sad? I mean, she kind of lives to not have a gut, right? Yeah, that's kind of her bread and butter. To not have a gut? Yeah.

But I was watching Saved by the Bell this morning. And Zach and Cody. The thing about Britney's backing track and Michael Winslow and sound effects is there was an episode of Saved by the Bell where they were the five aces. They were a doo-wop band. Who? The locals. The kids. Just thewop band. Who? The locals.

The kids. Just the boys or the girls? It was during the Tori season. So it was Tori, Lisa, Screech, Slater, and Zach. They were a doo-wop band? Yeah, the Five Aces. I don't remember this at all. Zach was dating Slater's sister.

Whoa. Okay. She had a mullet too they were at crazy they were at the max and uh a waitress came up and took their order and uh instead of giving their order they sang it in doo-wop styles but they were lip-syncing so it was like we'll have some burgers and some fries. And I was watching with Abby, and they were clearly lip syncing, and then they stopped, and there was applause from the audience.

And we were like, that was weird. Why would the audience applaud that lip syncing? And then it clicked. Oh, there's not really an audience. There's not an audience. So it must have been the weirdest thing to lip sync and then wait for five seconds for the fake audience to stop applauding. But there's a weird thing.

There was one episode. I may have talked about it at one point, but there's... No, I don't think so. But there was... I remember distinctly watching it with my friend whenever it was on the air for the first time. And there was a thing where Zach was caught cheating on somebody. No.

And the crowd went, ooh. And then there's a clear as day one guy somewhere in the back going, busted. Busted! So that's why I was always on the fence, whether or not it was a live studio audience or a... Or just like a really savvy producer. Yeah, who was just like, put in one voice of dissent. Because when stuff was... I don't think they mentioned it anymore,

but when they filmed stuff in front of a studio audience, you would always get that the Cosby show was shot in front of a live studio audience. Yeah, like why would you care, right? To prove that they're not Saved by the Bellingit. But then why wouldn't you just lie if you were Saved by the Bellingit? Is there like a rule that you can't lie? Yeah, there might be. Remember Rock Live? Yes. No. saved by the belly i think there is there like a rule that yeah there might be yeah remember rock live yes no what is that it was rock but live yeah roc charles dutton is that a local is this a vancouver no no no early days of fox yeah he was this big black dude was he like

a minister on the show i don't know i don't know what the the humor i don't know where the humor was derived from in the show but i remember that it obviously didn't it wasn't that funny because they thought that they had to like turn it into this live no safety net we're just gonna do this live and if we mess up then then we mess up. The Drew Carey show did that sometimes. The live episodes. ER did one as well. But what is Rock Live? It was Rock, but live.

But what's Rock? It was a show with Charles Dutton. I just explained it. Yeah, no, I know, but I don't know who Charles Dutton is. Pretty badly. Who's that? He's a bald black guy. But was he a personality? What's going on over there, Dave?

I feel like we've been through this and you just zoned out and now you're asking all the questions. Yeah, I think I did just zone out. Well, it's not important. Definitely not important. That one's on Graham. Yeah. Hey, Graham.

Let's get to know you. Okay. Well, this week had pangs of significance, I suppose. Significance pangs. Yeah. Yeah, I've been having them. Harsh. Last night you opened for Mr. Tracy Morgan.

Yeah. At Television's Tracy Morgan. Casino. What? Yeah. Yeah. At television's Tracy Morgan. Casino.

What? Yeah. I feel like I was probably a last second feeling because I only heard about it like a day before. That's awesome. Yeah, it was pretty good. But also super weird. Because Tracy Morgan is an intense guy. Very much.

You can see where a lot of what they come up with for his character on 30 Rock comes from because it literally, I was sitting in my dressing room and they brought him in and he didn't even, he said, hey, how's it going? No, he didn't even say how's it going.

Yeah, I was writing down a joke in a notebook or something and he was just berating me for having a notebook. Really? Yeah, he was just like no, you can't have that. You gotta go on stage

and you don't know where you're gonna go. You don't know what places you're gonna go. You gotta move around the stage. You gotta pace around the stage. And literally a 15 minute lecture was the first thing out of his mouth like it wasn't oh okay hi and then because that's usually what you get oh hey nice to meet you and then they go off to their dressing room a 15 minute and then he starts doing material uh yeah okay because we usually there's like an entourage. Oh, no. He was by himself.

Okay. More like the venue manager, whoever introduced you. The venue manager stood back. He's like a bolt of energy. When he walked through the door, if the door had been closed, I fear he would have kicked it open. Because he's just moving and talking. And like I say, it was like I got a lecture thing. And he wasn't being a dick.

He was just saying, you got to do this, do that. The Tracy Morgan way. Yeah. And then he just left the room. And then before the show started, he was doing his whole act for the stagehands. So he's just like running through jokes he's and the people are they're loving it there's like five of them he's doing he's doing his whole shtick and uh and then i went on stage and and it was fun and the crowd was very good crowd and it's in it was

in a theater space and um and then he did really well his whole act every like start to finish is all about uh sex it's literally my balls and uh fuck this and i want to then this is what happens when you do that that's the entire act it's very funny because it's him uh but yeah he's he's like a really he's a nice guy but he's constantly i think his entire life is being pawed at. Because I had dinner with him after, and there was a succession of people just coming up. Hey, can I have my picture? Hey, can you do this? This is my friend.

Can you sign this? That's all it was the entire time. There was always somebody vying for his attention so that's it that's that's what you get to be when you're famous i guess is you're just constantly being harassed so when you open for a comic like i know what it's like when you open for a big band yeah and uh it kind of sucks because people don't seem to enjoy it as much. Oh, yeah. Like, they turn, generally, if you're playing for a big band, they'll turn you down.

In their head? No, in the house. And then when the headliners start, then they'll crank it up. I didn't notice that. So the opening band sounds, like, shittier? I mean, that's not to make opening band sounds like shittier? I mean, that's not to make the opening band sound shittier, but to make the headliners sound awesome.

And Dave's open for a big time comedy act in Louis C.K. So you know what it's like to be the guy. And Michael Winslow in the future. Are you opening for Michael Winslow? It's a long show.

I'm not on a show with less than six acts. I think you should totally scoop him and do some sound effects. Just do one helicopter. Everybody check this out. Pew pew pew. That's a helicopter by the way. Spacecopter. So Tracy Morgan is a very nice man

but I feel that probably that level of celebrity that he has is probably something that only a certain person could enjoy having. Because if I... I couldn't handle what he was having to handle because he

literally just during conversation had to stop every four minutes to talk to somebody and have his picture taken or sign a thing or call somebody's uh voicemail oh nice you know what i mean like michael winslow yeah yeah yeah if i don't get a phone call from michael winslow while you're in halifax i may not talk to you for uh for quite some. So did he seem to be the kind of guy who enjoyed it? I think you'd have to be. I think you would cut out way before you achieved his level of success.

So he likes it? I'm going to assume so. Because you, like I saw it and I'm like, well, I'm not interested in this ever. I don't want any part of this. But you make so much money. Yeah, and that's the thing. That was my favorite line that he said to me. He's like, these are the habits.

He's like, don't use a notebook or whatever. He's like, who are you going to listen to? Some guy who's making the same money as you or a guy who makes $35 million a year? And I walked out of the room. That was the last thing that he said. And I was like, I guess $35 million guy. But also people that are at my level also tell me not to use a notebook.

So it's pretty universal. Nobody's ever endorsed me writing jokes on a notebook. I feel like everyone uses a notebook. Not Tracy Morgan. Not everyone. This guy. I'm looking at Dave Shumka. This guy does.

Yeah, but I try not to on big shows. Yeah. I wasn't bringing the notebook. I was literally writing down a joke when he walked in. I wasn't planning on bringing out a notebook. So did it go well? Oh, yeah, it went very well. Yeah, it was fun, and it was a great night.

And he's a very nice and generous guy, and we went out for dinner afterwards and uh and he and he's a guy who loves his fans obviously like because he would he would never turn anybody down for a photo or you know shake shake a hand or whatever shake a paw and uh yeah he's a very interesting man but this was my favorite anecdote that I gathered from the people backstage. Because everybody signs the wall, right? Backstage, there's all these famous people that sign the wall. And so it's everybody's handwriting.

And then just in the middle of all of it, all this handwriting, is a perfectly stenciled Billy Idol stencil. Stencil? Yeah. Like, it's perfect. Everybody else is just handwriting. And then his is a stencil that says billy idol and then i i asked one of the guys who works there i was like well what's the deal with the billy idol stencil he's like i guess that's what he does on tour and then one other

guy had another thing to say about it where he's like listen billy i was he's like look at that thing over there and it was a screen where everybody has their picture taken with whoever's the act there that night when during the meet and greet and it's you know it just says the name of the casino and everything and then there's this giant fucking signature on it it's the only signature on there and it's billy idol because apparently somehow somebody gave him the signature pen and he's just billy's just Billy Idol so Jesse walks by a thing and just signs it and throws the pen

it's my tag that was my favorite little anecdote was that they somehow Billy Idol got a pen this is beautiful guys got a little celebrity dropping some big time names okay let's do some overheards Got a little celebrity thing happening. Some big time names.

Okay, let's do some overheards. All right. Overheard. So last night, I was at a party. And this isn't really an overheard, but I thought it could lube us into the overheard. Please. Oh, be more graphic. I was at a party. Was it a house party?

No, it was a house party, too. It was a joint birthday party. Oh, with joints. Yeah, joint birthday party. How did they come? Am I right? It was a sports day theme. Really? Yeah.

So I went with former guest A.J. Bond. Yeah. I'm really plugging my association with former guest A.J. Bond. Actor, director, writer. Actor, director, editor. Young Ernest. Young Ernest. Young Ernest, A.J. Bond.

And at one point I had to go to the bathroom. I sort of felt like sports day the sports day theme brought out everyone's inner jock which actually made me feel kind of strange okay because i was in a blazer and uh a cross-hatched button-down shirt so you didn't participate in the thing yeah i was like you could have thrown on like kind of a whistle on a rope around your neck. Someone was like, you're a scout. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then someone else said, but you're wearing a sport coat.

Everyone was trying to make you fit in. And I was just like, yeah, yeah. Why didn't you participate in the theme? Was everyone else wearing bibs and short shorts? It was like short shorts and like, you know, unicolor, monocolor. Were they crap washing? Everything from American Apparel. Yeah.

Basically, everybody hit the American Apparel. Were there events? No. No, there should have been events. The sponge race? The spoon with the egg on it? I like three-legged. Three-legged.

Classic. Sack race? Sack race is great. So, yeah, I don't know. I kind of felt maybe like I wanted to just... The excuse that I came up with was like, oh, I don't have time to go home to change. But I think actually I just wanted to look sophisticated in comparison. But how do you look sophisticated in a room full of...

Like it's like walking into a locker room wearing a tuxedo well that's what it felt like i went to the bathroom and these gentlemen were in their sports day garb and i went to the urinal this dude was like man lean back and it wasn't like, it wasn't like, it was neither anti-gay nor pro-gay. Uh-huh. It was just kind of. Gay. Dude was like, this is how you do it.

Were you splashing him? What was going on? No, he, I was like, I just was standing. I don't have the most liberal stance at the... Liberal? No, like the liberal media, is what he said.

He was like... Were you guys sharing a toilet? No, we were... Remember when Graham zoned out? I zoned out for this part. Okay, urinal. This one's on Dave.

We each had a urinal. We each had a urinal. Okay. I was standing, as I do, neither too conservatively close to the urinal, but not liberally far away. So you weren't splashing this guy? No, it was like a meter between us. Did he think you were looking at his penis? No, he said lean back.

He was like, this is what I didn't get. Did he want to look at your penis? Try and keep up, Dave. He was kind of like, dude, he was intimating that the cool way to stand at a urinal was not the way that I was standing at the urinal. But why did he care if you were cool? Why didn't he just show off how cool he was? Well, he proceeded to do that. Yeah, and he's like, check this out, Poindexter.

Yeah. And he took like three steps back and peed in the urinal. Yeah. And on the back of your leg. Took three steps back and then two towards the side. Lean back. That's how you do it. So that was my sports day.

Fucking sports day. Was this a house party, did you say? No. You really zoned out. Yeah. Man, all these questions were answered. Hey, Dave, do you remember sports day? Did you have that at your school?

Dave and I participated in sports days together. Yeah. Wow. At École Jules Quenelle. So was the thing at your school like a penny? Is that how you were divided up into? A what? A bib.

Like a bib kind of thing? Yes. Because we had a mesh thing that you had to wear. It was like a mesh shirt. And I don't think they were washed year in, year out. Just a mesh shirt? No, you can wear it over your shirt. Yeah, you can put it over your shirt.

I mean, I guess there were some kids that opted for just the mesh shirt. But they were never cleaned. Like, that was patently clear. It was sports day, and then they were put back in a bag and left until the next sports day. And everyone... They're like, kids don't sweat.

Oh, but they do. There were some events that were uh like barely an idea for an event i remember one being uh everyone had to put their shoes in a pile yes and then you race up and put on your shoes yeah yeah it was like the first person the pile would always be an a-hole and kick the pile of shoes. All of ours were really conventional things. Like there was a sprint and like a push-up race. A lot of relays.

Yeah, relays. Tons of relays. Like it had something to do with jumping rope. I think there was something to do with like making as many baskets in a minute or something. But they were very conventional. I don't think there was any egg on the spoon or any of that stuff. I just remember the awesome

like you could order as many hot dogs as you wanted. You had to order a week early. Right. You had to fill out a form being like, how many hot dogs are you going to want? And everyone was like, six. All of them. Yeah, exactly. Hot dogs. And then did you guys? Long John's.

We got Long John's. Yes. Long John's. We got those little things of ice cream that had a wooden spoon. Yeah. Yeah. And maybe a super saco. Yeah.

What's a super saco? Super saco was a local brand of juice box. Yeah. Nice. Got to do a super saco for kids on the go. I never realized it was local, but that was the heart of a lot of kids' summer experiences. Ours was McDonald's orange drink. Right.

That's a good one, too. Yeah. All right. I believe we have some overheards as per the topic. Let's start with Dan. Let's start with Dan. This is part of the reason we invited Dan back. Should we end with him, then?

No. Are you sure it's not going to eclipse everything? No, it won't eclipse anything. But don't worry. So I realized that I had this overheard only after the last podcast that we did. Okay. It's a celebrity overheard. Which is great.

Which is what we like, right? Yeah. This is a big celebrity episode. We are immersed in celebrity culture. And no celebrity is bigger than... Than the man who... Should I say? Should I just come out and say it?

Do it the way you want to talk. Okay, so this happened a few years back. I was in Amsterdam. I had arrived in Amsterdam with some friends. We had gotten off the train. We had taken the train from Paris. And as young 20-year-old North Americans do when they get to Amsterdam, we would go to the red light district. Thursday night around 10 o'clock p.m.

Prostitutes in windows. Prostitutes in every window. Rocks, man. Every door is a glass door. Every door is right next to every other door. And every day is a winding road. Right. Gotcha.

With the celebrity Sheryl Crow. And so we're just walking around. and so we're just walking around and uh you know we're like we haven't imbibed any crazy substances substances we heard you and uh so we're just walking around and then like in front of us there's this kind of like it's really narrow street there's a canal in the middle it's thursday 10 o'clock maybe and in front of us there's this crowd of people um moving really slowly along this avenue you know you don't really need to linger that much it's just a bunch of prostitutes that you know there will be another one definitely further down the road there will be another one. Definitely. Further down the road. There will be horrors. And so we get closer and it's a dude in a wheelchair.

And then we get closer and we see that there's like a little view screen. And then we get closer and we realize it's Stephen Hawking. Wow. And he's in the red light district in amsterdam just cruising he he had an entourage so he had a woman with him and he had uh what looked like a young like grad student but you know maybe it was like stephen hawking security or something he would need some right definitely but not much if tracy morgan gets mobbed as much as what i saw last night then surely stephen hawkins is going to be asked for photos so

and also call my friend on with your computer so we walk so we're like oh my god this is crazy we walk and we we kind of see we're still he's still kind of in front of us, but we can see that he's like stopping pretty much at every door and then turning his wheelchair and looking for a second at the prostitute and then turning back and going to the next door and then looking. So that's why everything's moving so slowly because he's really taking his time. So eventually we're like, this is pretty crazy, but we have to get going. So we walk by and he is turned towards a door and he just keeps on saying

superb, superb, superb. Oh my god. And that was my celebrity over here. oh my god and uh that was that was my story i'm glad we had you back yeah that's crazy though that was delightful and you know what i've always wanted to like express this story somehow well now it's on the internet forever

i never knew the forum but this is the forum. Yeah. Man, oh, man. That is a delight. That was delightful. And.5. That was another half. Later on, we were just standing, and he kind of rolled by. And this Australian dude walked by and was like, keep it up, Steve.

And we were like, I wonder what he's referring to also i i wonder it makes you wonder if he just kind of had a superb typed in the one time and then just yeah just kept hitting enter or whatever just like like, okay, well, superb's the word I'm going to go with. I'll say it if I like it. If I don't, I just won't say it. If I get five superbs, it's very superb. So wonderful. Dave? Dave, yeah.

Dave. I haven't overheard. It's a few weeks old. But, man. Yeah, you've't overheard. It's a few weeks old. But, man. Yeah, you've got to follow the Stephen Hawking thing. It's a tough spot. I'm just going to make it quick. I was at a comedy show a couple weeks ago,

and there was a gentleman there, a comedian. And he witnessed as these two ladies came in. They were in their late 30s, and they were a little bit skanky. They were what I think the laymen call Krugels. Krugers? Krugels. Krugels? What's a Krugel?

Krugers? Is that right? Krugars? I'm not sure. Kegels. Kegels. Kegels. Kegels. Anyway, there's two coogs showed up, and the comedian turned to me and said,

Just received a fresh shipment of wood. So that's me. That's wonderful It's nice to hang out with classy people Right? Whenever you get a chance to Put on your satin gloves Obviously dude doesn't have Stephen Hawking's brain

So he's gonna say Something less classy than Superb Though it would have been crazy If he had said superb. Yeah. Oh, my God, though. My overheard comes courtesy of the Junos happening in Vancouver last week.

Oh. Now, before I get into it. Now you're talking my language. Yeah, now that I brought up the Junos. Junos, for any non-Canadian listeners, are Canada's Grammy Awards, the Music Awards. And also, as Charlie Demers was quick to point out, sounds like a thing that I never realized

sounds, he says, that's always sounded like the most racist. Like how Scarface would say, did you know? Juno? Yeah, yeah. I never, Junos. Oh, Junos. A Junos. I never heard that before when Juneau's. Oh, Juneau's. Juneau's.

I never heard that before when I said it. Now you're really talking my language. But, yeah. So, during the Juneau's in Vancouver, they kind of closed off Granville Street and it became this, like, nonstop party drunk zone. So different from Granville Street normally. Well, usually the drunk zone doesn't start until about, say, 7. But I was walking down there at 4. And it was in full effect.

It was like the midnight drunk kind of element. Yeah. But there's still daylight, basically, is what it was. Deadly combination. Yeah. So I was walking down. I thought, I'm really hungry. I'll get a slice of pizza.

So I walk in this pizza place and there's a guy holding up the line because he's dangerously drunk. He's that drunk where you're like, either he's going to fall backwards and crack his own head

or he's going to pull out a knife and stab somebody. He's walking a line and so everybody's well back from him and he's ordering a pizza thing. And he gets his pizza thing. And he holds up the pizza slice and all the toppings fall onto the floor. The entire topping.

And the guy behind him is this very short, kind of meek-looking guy with big glasses. And all the guy does is point at the floor, right? And kind of indicate to the drunk guy, pointing at the floor. And the drunk guy turns around to him and goes, what? You want me to eat it?

And it's so tense, right? Because we're like, what's he gonna do? So he picks up these toppings off the floor and everybody's like,, right? Because we're like, what's he going to do? So he picks up these fucking toppings off the floor, and everybody's like, don't do it. He's like, is this what you want? Is this what you want? And then he eats the toppings, and then the guy, the tiny little meat guy goes,

you dropped a toonie on the floor. Toonie is a $2 coin. That made my week. That is amazing. Did you guys watch the Junos? I did not. I watched a bit of it. Now that I say it, I feel like it's a race. Did you guys see the Merchant of Venice?

I didn't watch it. But Dave told me that because I was a musician. A Canadian musician. A Canadian musician. That I should know more about it. Well, I think this is the episode that we discuss it. And this is why we had you on this week. Because you're ensconced in the Juno fever.

I'm of the Juno persuasion. How does one get a Juno nomination? Is it all industry? You have to nominate yourself or get nominated, and you have to pay money to get nominated. What? And then I guess you have to get people to vote for you but what I don't get is like man there's gotta be a problem with this system

if Nickelback is sweeping the awards every fucking year they won three awards this year and they always win awards and it's like everybody everybody knows they won the fan choice, which is scary.

That is scary. It is kind of scary for our, sometimes I wonder about this country. People who know how to work a telephone or an internet vote for Nickelback. Are you, does that make you worry about our country? Like, do you feel like that reflects badly on us as a nation? No. What's your feeling on it? Man, I don't feel our best and brightest are the fans voting on us.

No, yeah, you probably. You probably. What did you think of the, they brought Russell Peters back for a second year. And the thing with award shows, he was the host, is they bring in a guy to be the host, and then he just kind of comes out for like two minutes or whatever. And then the only other times you see him the rest of the night is he goes, you know, there's just a shot of him in the crowd.

And he's like, please welcome so-and-so-and- so and so and so and so well you could get anybody to do that is it just because he's got a name is that the thing yeah yeah they're just like okay well this person you recognize but isn't he kind of funny yeah he's a comic but it's not it's not the arena in which uh a comic's going to be super funny. Yeah, but, I mean, the alternative is having a song and dance, man. You're right. That's true. And that doesn't always work out in everyone's favor. It usually works out great, but... I say, yeah, what was the thing that I watched?

Oh, it was a weird... The last award of the night was presented by... It was Elvis Costello and and diana crawl power couple yeah yeah and but it very much felt like they just kind of didn't have plans that night so he put on a tuxedo and they just kind of sauntered down there like it felt very unofficial yeah in the way that they did it it also felt i was a little sad for him that he had to open up an envelope and say nickelback yeah oh god see that sad that's sad that is sad right there's something wrong with that though i'm i'm not i really i am i am i sounding crazy is that nickelback wins yeah don't you, of course there's something wrong with that.

They don't need awards. They really don't need awards. First they got the power, then they got the money. Now they have the women. They don't need the awards. They got the Junos. When they won the third award, the lead singer Chad Nickelback

said... Well, actually, here's a completely separate thing. The lead singer chad nickelback said well actually uh here's a completely separate thing uh the lead singer chad kroger uh was arrested for drunk driving uh in his lamborghini in surrey like a year ago yeah yeah and uh there was a news story just kidding i probably anybody who buys a Lamborghini. Right? Okay. Go on. Then he had to go to court and they had a bunch of his supporters outside. Because who wouldn't support a drunk driver? They had Theory of a Dead Man.

He was out there. Ready to support. They had the guy from Default. They had the other guy from the Spider-man song uh spider-man yeah james frankel yeah peter parker so they had uh all these uh chad kroger supporters and there's someone had brought their little kid and they got a sound bite from the little kid and no he said, I love Chad Nickelback. I love Chad Nickelback. Anyway. So cute.

So Chad Nickelback won this award. And the first thing he said was, the press is going to have a field day with this. No, no one cares. No one cares about your stupid award, Chad Nickelback. Yeah, what does he think the press is going to have a field day with? I guess technically we're the press.

We are the press. We're keeping them honest. Meet the press. So I was... So, Graham, you know how you always make crazy noises when you laugh? Yeah. And snort? Yeah, it's called the Griggle, apparently is the name. Wasn't it?

It was Laura Dublin was the one who dubbed that. Long time ago? Yeah, is it not? Is Griggle still holding up? So I introduced this podcast to a friend. I'm getting you guys more listeners.

Because you really need it. We appreciate it. And my friend was suggesting that if you have extra audio audio you should put together a one minute segment of just all the crazy noises you make that i make when i laugh man i got the time and the will and the interest but I think the Junos are all right. I mean, like, good bands do win stuff.

They just don't broadcast that. Do they not? Is that how it works? Like, there's other... They do a night before that's like a gala where they give away ten times as many awards for some reason. And then the actual thing is just really just about doing kind of the pre-planned performances. Russell Peters for two minutes. The weird part was

at one point they had Russell Peters up there interviewing people who are going to be in the Olympics. To me, I think maybe a sit down beforehand. Let's figure out what we're going to say.

This is going to be on live television. Because the athletes seem petrified to be involved in this. It almost seems like it was springtime. It just happened. He was like, oh, wait. Let's do this. And they were blocking. They didn't have any of the information

he was asking for. He's like, so when are the Olympics? What year? He did ask, what day is your event? And they're like, we haven't been told yet. And I'm like, whether you have or not, if that's the question

that you're dying to ask, make sure they have the answer ready for you. All right. We've got other overheards from listeners. Here we go. Hello. My name is Caitlin. I'm calling from Madison, Wisconsin, and I have an overheard.

I was just walking from one class to another And I passed by two girls who were talking Girl number one says It was like a crazy out-of-body experience It was like my body fell asleep But my mind stayed awake Girl number two says You stupid whore, that's a dream. That is so over the top for me.

Oh, God. Yes. Yes. There's no reason to be that abusive. But, I mean, if you're going to... If you're going to say it say it yeah if you think you're gonna be mentioned and overheard oh well done how how adorable is that accent the wisconsin so wonderful that reminds me i uh when i was in austin yeah i made friends with a troop of Madisonites. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, they were just there. And we were a band, or they were just fans? No, no, they were just there. They were just there. They were on spring break or something? I don't know. Would you recommend, as a thing to do, going to... Like, say you had a week of holidays or whatever. Would that be a great thing to do, South by whatever, would that be a great thing to do?

That would be a great thing to do. Because it seems to me like that would be a really fun holiday. Yeah, I like barbecue. And you know what? There's this film component to it. There's film and there's also comedy. There's no film for like four days or a week before the music. Yeah, and there's also comedy there.

Because Patton Oswalt, they did the comedies and comedy there. I think next year maybe there'll oswald they did the comedians comedy there i think uh next year maybe there'll be podcasting yeah thanks a lot for anybody who called in those overheards by the way very very funny that was super hilarious we have a phone number if you want to call in uh just a comment or an overheard the phone number is 206-339-8328 that's 206-339 teat and uh yeah uh not every call makes it through but we we listen to all of them and we 339-8328. That's 206-339-TEET. And, yeah, not every call makes it through, but we listen to all of them and we appreciate them all.

Thank you all very much. Yeah, it's very fun to hear any kind of feedback. It's a delight. I enjoy it. I love all kinds of delights. Speaking of feedback, I wanted to... Michael Winslow! Speaking of feedback, I wanted to...

Michael Winslow! You really honed this Michael Winslow thing in a matter of minutes. After his set, you should be like, I got some notes. That's the thing, you know how like... When you went... Rappers are always talking about how guys come up and try to freestyle battle with them. I wonder if Michael Winslow gets that kind of thing. Like where people are like, I can do a garage door. That's basically the level, right?

Does he do them really like where you close your eyes and you're like, yes. It's like I'm there. I think he's probably really good. He was also in Spaceballs. Was he in Spaceballs? That's my Michael Winslow. Who was he in Spaceballs? He was working the radar.

He had one of those big rounds. And they said we're jammed. And the jam came down the screen. Because it's a funny gag. It was probably jelly coming down the screen. Jam wouldn't... Anyway. Speaking of people writing in and things,

hilarious pranks. What? If you fart in your mother's mixing bowl or you steal your girlfriend's birth control, it's hilarious pranks. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Hilarious pranks. So I went to Toronto from Vancouver this week to do a presentation on crack use.

For your school? For your work. For my work. Okay, now here's the thing with crack to me crack and meth the big deterrent always seems to me is the teeth issue right it rots your teeth does it not crack and meth yeah yeah i don't fuck you crack doesn't rot your teeth i don't know i know i know the meth the big deterrent for me is that you don't see very many successful people. Yeah.

Rappers smoke drugs, but they smoke the herb. They smoke pot often. Do you not think that there's any celebrities that smoke crack? I'm sure there's celebrities that smoke crack. Heidi Montag. Fatlip of the far side. What's up, Fatlip?

Yeah. He went solo and then got addicted to crack and then had no career. What happens when you smoke crack? What's the sensation? No, because he made a speech on it.

So if you smoke crack... It's a sweet sensation. So there's a difference between... It's a good vibration. Yeah. Oh, Marky Mark. Yeah, he wrote a song about it. Do you want to get really technical and detailed?

No, I'm actually interested because you always hear about crackheads. People just say it as an expression, like that guy's on crack. Yeah, but what is actually going on? What are you on crack? It's an upper, obviously. Crack is derived from cocaine. The cocaine plant. The coca plant.

The coca leaf. If you smoke it, it gives you a pretty... You get high within like six seconds or something. And then... For the junkie on the go. You get compulsive. You get all like... You feel like aggressive.

You can't control your limbs yeah you have trouble controlling your limbs um i notice it in the neighborhood and uh but if you inject crack you don't get so crazy apparently that's what i heard but what what is it but you still get fucking crazy don't crack is a a more rock-based form of cocaine. How do you inject? How do you turn cocaine into crack? How do you turn cocaine into something that you can shoot into your veins? You cook it.

You heat it up. Yeah, it's pretty nasty stuff. So anyway, I went to Toronto. Did that. How was it? Who were you talking to Toronto. Did that. How was it? Who were you talking to? Crackheads. Actually, I was talking to a bunch of crackheads.

The future crackheads. Well, in my discipline, people who are drug users are referred to as peers often. And there's a lot of programs that involve peers in them because like they want to make it more comfortable for people who do drugs to get involved so the the weird because there was a big bit of news serious face on well like well there was a thing last week where the government was really calling for addictions to be treated as a disease, right? Did you say that was on the news or on the snooze? But yeah, this is what you're dealing in, right? Because you're an AIDS scientist, if I recall correctly.

That is correct. So you flew out. So I went to Toronto. I also had to record some music. So I did that, too. At the same time. So where are you going? And they gave me chocolates.

Who, the music or the... After my presentation. Did they make you find it like an Easter egg hunt? No, they just sort of brought it. It was Belgian chocolates. I'm part Belgian. Right. It's better if you cook it and chew it in your veins.

Where do you go? Where are you going to go? Music or science? Crack. I think the shelf life of the musician is maybe shorter. Yeah, except it's like Dave and I were at the liquor store on the way over here, and the Rolling Stones have just come out with their own wine. So obviously their fucking thing is never ending.

Like, they're just going to keep shit. Yeah. Even if it's shit that nobody's interested in. I kind of think, you know, like, if I can do both, let's do that. Make wine. And, uh... Introduce a third. Woodhands wine. And, uh, I don't know. But, man, you know what it's like

in the entertainment biz. You guys are entertainers, right? Barely. Kids parties. It's like... the entertainment biz. You guys are entertainers, right? Barely. Kids parties. It's like, it's, you know, even 50 Cent has to play bar mitzvahs, right? Yeah, and even the Ghostbusters had to do that at the beginning of Ghostbusters 2. Had them throwing a party for a bunch of children when all the while something's under the building. So they packed up a group, got a grip, came a grip. We had the proton packs on their backs and they split.

Forgot about Vigo, the master of evil. Tried to battle my boys. That's not legal. Before I bought the Batman soundtrack, I bought the Ghostbusters 2 soundtrack. That was, that was, I was content to just let you do as many. I love that we just shut up immediately and just respectfully watched Dave. Just let him do what he does.

Pranks. Yeah. I unsuccessfully introduced that earlier. But basically, a couple weeks ago, I reached out to the bumpers. Oh, before we do this. The guy,

the night after Nickelback won those awards, there was a guy on the morning news who was like the style guy on the global news. And they were making fun of him because he looked like the guy from Nickelback. He looked like Chad Nickelback. They gave him a pair of sunglasses and he looked identical. And he was a hairdresser. And if your hairdresser has the same haircut as Chad Nickelback, get out.

But here's the thing. The old adage is you always get your haircut by the guy who has the worst haircut because hairstylists cut each other's hair. So whoever has the worst haircut, he's the guy. But the guy with the worst haircut can also be like, can you dye my hair platinum blonde? And let me apply this horrible gel to my own hair. What are you guys' thoughts on the new Axe Body Spray campaign? With the hair products? Yeah.

Do you think that they're trying, like, they suddenly realized... Do you think they're using sex to sell their products? Yeah. Do you think that they're trying, like, they suddenly realized... Do you think they're using sex to sell their products? No. Well, no, originally the thing was is that they made women seem like they were these, like, very subservient, almost savage characters. And in these new campaigns, they're the ones in charge. There's a fine line between boy crazy and cock hungry. But now it's, now they're in the, they're in the power position in these heads.

So you're saying it's... Do you think somebody was like, you guys have gone too far in the one direction, now you've got to swing back, make the men the... Yeah, I think it relates back to economics. Yeah, tell me more. When the system is booming, it's like... You've got to bring out your bust.

Yeah, and then the other way ladies uh it's it's kind of like how like people think the the stock exchange can predict the uh whether it'll be the american league or the national league winning the world series yeah yeah yeah exactly um okay so pranks a couple of weeks ago as said, I reached out to the bumpers because my co-worker Erica Sigurdsson had recently taken, she was smoking, and I wanted to get her to stop. And so every time that she left her desk to go have a cigarette, I would play a prank on her. Prank the shit out of her. And I was running low. I was running right out.

And I ran completely out. You shit out of her. And I was running low. I was running right out. And I ran completely out, so I You ran out of pranks? Yeah, well, because I'd been doing it for weeks. And it was every day, several times a day, so I had run completely dry. So I put it out to the bumpers, and we got quite a flood of prank

possibilities back, but at the same time, I like to think I have some small role in it. She has stopped smoking altogether, so now I have nowhere for these pranks to go. But they built up, and some of them were great.

And so I just wanted to share a couple of the ones that people had sent in. They're office-based. They're all office kind of workspace area based my favorite one several people recommended it was that while the person's away you take all the folders off of their desktop you save them in one folder and then you take a screenshot of you take the screenshot first you take the screenshot first. Oh, you take the screenshot first. Sorry. Then you move all the files into one folder, and then you place that screenshot as their wallpaper

so that when they come back to click on the things, nothing clicks. It's the mouse will move, but you won't actually be able to click on anything. Another one that was recommended a couple times was to put a piece of tape over the kind of the laser sensor on a mouse. Yeah. And or take the, if it's a ball mouse, just take the ball out. If you're in 1993.

Does nothing. Exactly. Nerds. Also, I like there was one from, it was a guy named Yuri. Take everything off of the desk and make photocopies of the items on the desk and then put them in the exact spots where the things were. I like that one. I mean, that would be labor intensive.

Could you do it within the span of a cigarette? No, obviously, that's a long term. That's an overnight one if you're the last one to leave the office. Overnight. one if you're the last one to leave the office overnight also there was somebody who recommended you know if there's a big paper shredder in the office to fill their drawers

with shredded paper and I actually beat that to the punch by filling her drawer with shredded wheat because there were these we got a sample box of shredded wheat we did that those were my favorite ones

a lot of people sent them in but those were kind of the top actually conventional ones there was a lot of people saying light this on fire or put a fish under a desk or things like that but for realistic things frame her for murder so thank you very much for sending those in. And if anybody does want to write to us, we do have an email address.

It's stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. One, our listener in Pocatello, Idaho, was it? Pocatello, Idaho, I want to say. He had a prank that was played on him. It's not an office-based one, but I thought it was pretty funny. Graham and Dave, this is Todd the Pokebumper. How you doing? I'm sending in this wonderfully hilarious prank.

I'm sorry, Graham, it's not going to help you with an office prank, but I think it is funny nonetheless. Basically, I had these three roommates who were really close-knit, and one day they decided, after getting to know me well enough, wrote a letter in my name and sent it to a women's correctional facility to about a dozen or so inmates. And so, unbeknownst to me, they did this, and over the next couple of weeks, letters started to trickle in from female inmates who were basically trying to get in my pants it was kind of freaky and frightening but uh even as it was happening i

realized it was hilarious anyway love the podcast talk to you guys later bye not bad that that's not bad that's a simple right it's a simple yeah but i don't know how you know which women to write to. Like, how do you write a letter to women in prison? There's got to be a system. There's got to be a clearinghouse. Would you ever do that? Would you ever do? Would you ever write letters to a prisoner? No.

What? I'm just asking. I'm just throwing it out there. Okay. Well, what are you trying to get out of it? What am I trying to get out? I have never done it. But I'm just wondering if that's something that people would do.

I think people do it. I think, you know... No. People do it. People do it. No, it works the other way. The incarcerated will write to celebrities. No, no, no.

But there are programs set up where you become pen pals with a prisoner. No. That doesn't exist. That does exist. Crack rock. What? It exists. Yeah, it does. It exists. The thing is, that doesn't exist. That does exist. Crack rock, what? It exists. Yeah, it does.

It exists. The thing is, I don't know. I would just get so... You don't want to disappoint people, right? And I feel like you would be like, hey, what's up? And what if they were like, I really want you to come visit me.

Well, you know what I would do? Well, of course that's all they would want. I would just keep writing. Or send me cigarettes. Just my side of things. I wouldn't read their side of it. I would just keep writing. Remember I told you about Janice at the office?

Here's what she did. I just would keep it as a one-sided conversation. Like a journal? Yeah. And just keep mailing it to... With no return address. No return address, but I would never read their replies. And then I would just like...

So you really don't want to be writing to a prisoner? No. Or reading from a prisoner? Is that a thing? Why is that a thing? Unless you're looking to have sex with a prisoner. With a Menendez. With a Menendez.

I guess... I don't know. Do people feel like... You know, why do people get cats or dogs well dogs are a lot of fun you can wrestle them if you're bored they can get injured

the greatest thing about dogs is that you can wrestle them and they're not going to say no I'm too tired to wrestle you can't wrestle a female inmate through conventional letter means. And I wouldn't want them to have my address. Oh, yeah, that's a good point.

Because they will get out. Because women don't commit big crimes. That's true. Can I throw out a thing? Please. Can we fit it into a topic that it doesn't fit into? That's how we've been working this entire show. Yeah, no, we can't fit it.

Well, maybe. We'll see if you can shoehorn it in. All right, let's play the Road to Rock Band theme. We're on the road to rock band. Why don't you go fuck yourself? We're on the road to rock band. Fuck yourself, you cunts. Okay, what do you want to talk about?

There's an ad. Okay, I think it's Boston Pizza. There was an ad with a genius family, and then there's a genius baby. You know what I'm talking about, right? Have you seen the subsequent follow up yes

the first one skirted kind of making sense at all and it's skirted there's a genius baby being able to move a baby's lips

a lot better yeah but now so at the first commercial for anybody who hasn't seen it which would probably be a lot of people

it's a genius family analyzing the menu or the deal or whatever the fuck it is at Boston Pizza. And then everybody in the family is a genius because they're wearing glasses. And then the baby... And sweater vests. Yeah. The baby is also wearing a sweater vest and glasses, and he can talk just like a regular

person. And he says, analyze the something or other. So, ha, ha, ha. What a great premise for an ad. But then they followed it up with a second ad where the baby says, this reminds me of my time. The baby's got memories. Yeah, the baby's got memories of his time in Venice.

And then it shows all these clips of him with, like, an adult woman. It's not the mother at the table. No. So there was some Italian woman, based on this premise, who was on a romantic holiday with a baby. Do the memories take place? I don't quite

remember the commercial. My memories aren't as good as the baby's. Do his memories take place in modern times, or is he remembering 100 years ago with this woman? No, no, they're modern times. He's on a gondola. He's at a cafe. It's disturbing.

It's just frankly disturbing. But I just would like to slap upside the face anybody who is involved in this ad campaign. I feel like it's a post-Benjamin Button ad campaign. Oh, that's interesting. Was the original post-Benjamin Button? I don't remember. Talking Baby? It was definitely post-Benjamin Button? I don't remember. Talking Baby? It was definitely post-Baby Geniuses.

That is for sure. It was in everything. That's how I break up things. AD and BG. BG, Baby Geniuses. Yeah, but is it post-Baby Geniuses? Before or after? Pre-B.

Oh, we've had a lot of fun today. We have. People who want to learn more about Dan Werb. Yes. Who doesn't? You know, that's the thing. Ever since you were here on the last podcast, I downloaded some of your music. And it's fantastic stuff.

Well, thanks so much. It's a lot of fun. Your music is a ton of fun. And are you playing in the near future? Okay, so we're playing in Toronto in April and probably a few shows in the province of Quebec. Do you have locations? Do you have Phoenix on the 17th? Phoenix on the 17th in Toronto.

And then we're going to be touring through the States in April and or May. Go to woodhands.gov. Is it.gov? You're a government agency, right? Yeah. Is it woodhands? Woodhands.com? Woodhands, yeah.

Or MySpace. MySpace.com slash woodhands. Okay. Wow, Myspace.com slash Woodhands Wow Myspace remember it It's a ghost town It's still happening It is happening in a major way I'm not there Just for bands

It's a place for friends and bands Yeah So by all means do check that out Do you still have your myspace account i do okay i don't the only thing i did with it was harass your myspace account because i know that you're not i would not nearly randomly click on myspace and go on it and you would write on my wall what are you doing on myspace that's all i did with MySpace for about a year. But absolutely do check out Woodhands at MySpace. Is that how it works?

Sounds good. Good enough. We don't have our website up yet. We're working on it. Well, we're not. Somebody is. Hopefully. I don't know.

But we do have, we've got a Facebook page. We also, like I said before, we have an email address, stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. And we read them all. We get back to everyone, I think. Yeah, and Dave just did a crazy spree. He went and answered probably a hundred or something. Yeah, it was a four-hour day. And you were

my hero. And also we have a phone number. It's 206-339-8328. And our address, I don't think we mentioned it, stop6-339-8328. And our address. I don't think we mentioned it. Stop podcasting yourself at gmail.com. Oh, gmail.com. And also, there's a blog that Dave puts together every week.

And it really does... I love the blog. Even for me, it rounds out. I click on the blog before I download the podcast to just see what are the... Sometimes we just say a thing and you may be like oh what was that thing they were saying there might be a reference to it on the blog and it's a lot more fun it fills out the the podcast very nicely it's uh it's an incredible compliment and it's and it's dave uh dave does it each and every week it is at

stop podcast a lot of shit dot blog spot. Oh, Dave's. He's the engine. He's the engine. I am the rear view mirror. What do you call it? Like the pretty face. The sex appeal. Nice. I'm the Gwen Stefani. He's the drummer who's always naked.

He keeps the beat. Adrian Drumsman. Tony Can Canal on bass and Tom Dumont on guitar well done also I took some snapshots backstage of people's handwriting

on the wall at the casino one of them was from the Gin Blossoms so you can look forward to that I'm not a fan and also Andrew Dice Clay's signature. So two equally talented. So look for those on the blog. And we'll be back.

Do you? You don't have anything to plug? I don't have anything to plug. Come see me in Halifax. Yeah. And what are the dates? April? In the 20s.

The 20th to the 20th. I'm doing four shows. Go to their website. Go to Halifax Comedy Fest. The 20th to the 20th. I'm doing four shows. Go to their website. HalifaxComedyFest.blarg .blarg Please do come back here next week. If you enjoyed the podcast, please tell your friends. That's how the podcast doth

grow. Come back next week for another thrilling episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.