Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 573 - Colt Cabana

Episode Date: March 11, 2019

Wrestler Colt Cabana returns to talk Japan, movies that bummed us out as kids, and the Legion.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 573 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man, he don't want to work, he want to bang on the drum all day. Mr. Dave Shumka. That's true. That's a song by Todd Rundgren.

Is it really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. I think it's called Bang the Drum. Yeah, sure. You know, want work? Oh, wow. I think it's called Bang the Drum.

Yeah, sure. I mean, you know, want work? They used to be on, I think on Fridays on the LG Morning Zoo in Vancouver with Constable Bob. They would play that. Or maybe they just played it for people's birthdays. Was Todd Rundgren also Get a Haircut, Get a Real Job? No, that's George Thurgood. Oh, George Thurgood.

And those songs are 20 years apart. Yeah, I know, but careers can span that long no todd run grin is a guy who has like 10 songs you know but but you don't know you know like i and i don't know i know them yeah but he's just one of those names when you hear that song you're like who sings this that's probably george thurgood yeah yeah um our guest today hi a returning guest the podcast uh oh my god i was gonna bang on the things oh he's banging on the drums all day he is a uh a podcaster you can listen to his podcast it's the art of wrestling podcast he is a he is also a wrestler and he tours all over the world it's called cabana everybody hello grandma i asked you for a special something oh he's also he's also a pit fighter thank you very much he also fights in a pit was pit fighter a video game

um yes it was it was a genesis classic and i only say that because just yesterday i finally got my toe jam and earl kick tattoo i got toe jam on the left left and Earl on the right. I did their Kickstarter probably five years ago and it just came. What was the Kickstarter for? They have a new game, ToeJam and Earl. It's back, baby.

But on what platform? I got mine on Steam, which I had to download because I don't own anything else, but it's on all the other things. So where do you play it on? The piano? Is that what I'm miming? Yeah, you play it on a Casio keyboard. The computer.

You play it on a computer. I own a computer. I don't like to brag. Okay. You do like to brag. You just brag right now. Oh, yeah. Well, I got emails and Photoshop to do to do so thank you do you do your

own photoshop i picked up photoshopping it's a skill i'm pretty proud of what's your what's your latest what have you been working on photoshop i made a poster for my edinburgh fringe show coming up this august there you go that now that was a plug whoa do we want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Colt. Colt. How are you doing? So, first of all, I don't want to work on a bang on the drums all day. I would say when I was 13, my dad took me up to Lambeau Field to watch the Packers versus the Bears.

I'm a Chicago guy. And that was the first time I ever heard that song was at the packers game yeah so i thought that was like a green bay thing i thought they like invented that song and it's a great song and it was so catchy and the whole stadium knew it i was like i had to come up to wisconsin to hear this this uh you thought it was it was just a local chant that everybody had made up and it was great and i was into it it is a good song it's um i only know it from like maybe a tv commercial for a car it's a great song a car popcorn some sort of frozen pizza what it was a car popcorn yeah probably a car popcorn just drive the popcorn around it's a type of popcorn you can make in your car. Yeah. You just plug the

thing into the energy thing. It's like the old car phones that they used to have. My mom would have like a whole leather pouch.

Oh, really? That would be the car phone. Cool. Do we remember those? I remember car phones.

I didn't know anybody. Oh, maybe my friend's dad had one because it had to have an antenna on the back of the car.

Is that right? I mean, this was the poor man's car phone. This was just... So you got it at Radio Shack and plugged it in, yeah. Oh, okay. This wasn't like a permanent. It wasn't in the console. No, no, no, no, no.

I was in Zack Morris already. Living the high life. Who was the Zack Morris of your school? Maybe, uh... You guys know Ryan Foreman? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He seemed like more of a screech. I assume you were the

A.C. Slater of your school. Of course. Just because I had a little Jewfro going. You had a Jewfro, you were a wrestler. It all adds up. You hung out with Scott Froman? What was his name? Yes. The Sausage King of Chicago. His brother.

Abe's brother. I feel like today, more than ever, our microphone situation is blocking my eyeline. But Colt, I see you. No, I mean, it won't. It can't. It won't. It'll never. Oh, okay.

Won't stop. It can't stop. It's like one of these mysteries of physics. Yeah, that's true. Cold. Yes. Want to know some adventures? Yeah, absolutely.

There you go. What's new in grapples? Yeah. I just got back from Japan Sunday. I'm wrestling tonight in Vancouver, and then I go back Monday to Japan. Why so much Japan? I'm a very tired boy. Yeah.

No kidding. Well, I just like the chicken breast at 7-Eleven that they sell in a bag and. Yeah. I have to go back. You can't get that here. When does it go in the bag? Before it's cooked or as they give it to you? This is a great question.

No, it's pre, it's pre bagged. Uh-huh. It's like. Is it hot? It's like next to the beef jerky. No, it's cold. Oh. Oh. Is it's pre it's pre-bagged uh-huh it's like is it hot next to the beef jerky no it's cold oh is it weird that's but it's fresh like it's not it's not dried out like no yeah it's a it's a fresh it's a fresh breast cooked in the uh it's cooked and then bagged and then hanging out on cooked chilled bagged and then delivered to all the wrestlers that want to stay healthy in japan

and who hate japanese food do you hate japanese i hate anything from the sea uh-huh and what about dolphin come on dolphin what about the kraken release it what about old sail like what about old sailors yeah what about shanties yeah these are all things from the sea yeah harpoons these are all things you like hold on i've got one improv um uh coral yeah you're supposed to leave that in the sea though it's alive oh yeah but what if i want to put it on the back of my toilet tank well what I want to put it on the back of my toilet tank Well what am I supposed to put on the back of my toilet tank If not a piece of coral What about driftwood

Well that's nice Or conch shell I think a conch shell is supposed to stay there as well Do you guys all put stuff on the back of your toilet tank Yeah for decoration Yeah Do you not No

What do you have on the back of your toilet tank A bathroom reader nothing no magazines no i um i'm committing to the bit but the truth is our toilets have flushers on the top of the tank so we don't put anything you can't no i i have uh i have magazines on the top of my toilet tank our top of the top of the toilet tank, too, yeah. Are those British or are those like, hey, new millennium toilets? Oh, mine? Because usually the flush is on the old side.

Oh, yeah, no, mine is new millennium. But, yeah, it's a half moon and a full moon. That means you're thinking about water and people. Well, yeah. And the world. Yeah. Well. Is that a conscious decision or come with the place it was a conscious decision to uh but you know what i'm i let it mellow yeah sure for

for however long it takes yeah until somebody accidentally flushes it um when did we get rid of chain toilets like a long time ago i like i've never lived in a place they went out with chain wallets i think that would be yeah the tanks up high yeah oh yeah i feel like over in in england they would still have it seems like such a uh a strange like your water would need to travel so far it's such a bad design. Yeah. But maybe, maybe it's easier for a flush to just have the water up there and then it just drops down

and flushes everything away. I don't know. I had a big, I was out in Arizona for a buddy's bachelor party and like all these like, the bachelor party has nothing to do with the story,

but all these houses were like out in the middle of nowhere and I was just like starting to ask about sewage and like I didn't like starting to ask about sewage. And like, I didn't like, and until you ask, you don't really know. You just assume we just, I don't know.

We just assume we don't have to deal with it. Yeah. It's a real thing. So what do they have to do? Like there's a suit, like for each community, there's a sewage in the ground somewhere. And then eventually someone has to come and un-sewage it away. And I don't know where these people take it. It's a whole to do. I mean, I'm glad I'm not in that business, but there's probably a lot of money in that business.

In the waste removal business? Yes. Yes. Huge money. Yeah. But then like. Who wants to do that? I just want to dress up in spandex and fight people.

I just want to bang on the drum all day. That's right. I don't want to clean sewage out of wherever. God knows where. A Wisconsin original? Huh? A Green Bay original. Oh, yeah, sure.

That's a callback from six minutes ago. I know, but I think it's proven that it's not. It's famous everywhere. My in-laws have a place on a local island and i don't know about the sewage but i know that the incoming water is from a well yeah and then they probably have a what do they call that a septic field or you know a septic tank and that's the same well maybe septic field's different maybe the field i've never heard a septic field so like a septic field's different. Maybe the field like... I've never heard a septic field. So like a septic tank, as you might imagine. I think it's Cecil Fielder's brother.

Forget I said that. Go on. I can't. It's burned in my memory. But a septic field, I think, is like there's some sort of organisms that like eat waste are in this. Yeah. Sounds like my ex-wife.

Who's your ex-wife cynthia yeah well she's a bacteria well that's not nice to call your ex-wife a bacteria oh well you know what it's a slippery slope once they start letting these gays get married i can marry a bacteria yeah yeah who's to say i can't marry a bacteria yeah well i mean you can do whatever. I mean, you can't get married. You're already married. So that's the thing standing in the way of you getting. Yeah. But my ex.

Yeah. Oh, what a bag. Yeah. Wait, chromosome. X chromosome, right?

They hang on bacteria. Um, so how often, like how, how many times in the last year have you been to japan um well before so before i was in japan i went to china on two hours notice what yeah that was we need you in china yes there's a wrestling emergency where in china beijing um uh flew Where in China? Beijing? Hmm. Flew into Hong Kong and then went to Macau for a day. Wow. It's the Vegas of China.

Yeah. Is it really? I didn't know that. I've been. Have you really? Hmm. Why did I go there? Did I have to take a flight from there?

No, you love gambling. I love to gamble. I kept on saying, don't have a Macau, man. And then. And then somebody's like, get out. We've canceled the wrestling emergency who did you have to go there on two hours notice to wrestle so my friend j lethal and sanjay dutt great wrestling names yeah uh they were both going together j j lethal was like hey i don't

have my passport because i sent it away to get my japanese um visa he's like do you want to go do you have your passport i was like yes and then the next morning he was like i got my passport you can't go i was like oh man and then two days later when the flight was happening my friend sonjay dutt the same from the same trip he got stuck on a plane in canada and he was stuck on the airplane for 18 hours it made global news maybe you heard of it. Maybe you didn't. Wow. They were stuck on a, they had to get rerouted from Newark to somewhere in Canada.

Yeah. Maybe Newfoundland. And they were on the plane for 18 hours. Wow. And so he wasn't going to be able to make the show. And then the promoter

was like, hey, there's a direct from Chicago to Hong Kong. Duck got stuck. Duck got stuck. Ah. That was his, that's his wrestling move also. Mm. Mm got stuck. Duck got stuck. Ah. That was his,

that's his wrestling move also. Mm. Mm-hmm. Mm. Mm. Yes. Yes. Flying tackle into a duck got stuck.

So, uh. So, so, uh, Jay was, Jay Lethal was like, Hey,

the flight's at one. It's 10 right now. You probably can't make it. I was like, not only can I make it, I will have more than enough time. I'm already at the airport. I love the chicken breast there. The only place they won't serve me a sea urchin. The TGI Fridays in the Hong Kong airport.

So just like that, you were like, I don't have anything to do today. I had nothing to do. Yeah. It was on a Tuesday. I would get home like on a Friday and then I could go get, make my other shows on the weekend. And so I went to a 14 hour flight on a whim and I went to China and then I came back and then two weeks later I went to Japan.

14 hours from, man, Asia's big. Yeah. Boy. Boy, oh boy. I always think of it as like, you man, Asia's big. Yeah. Boy. Boy, oh boy. I always think of it as like, you know, it's just a hop is giving a jump. From here? No. From, oh, wait.

14 hours from? From Chicago. Oh, you had already gone back? Yeah. Yes. Oh, okay. I was there, I mean, two and a half days. I was there a day and a half.

Oh, I thought you went from Japan. Mm-mm. Oh, okay. Mm-mm. Yipes. Here I go. Yeah. And did it go well? days i was there a day and a half oh i thought you went from from uh japan okay yikes here i go yeah well uh and did it go well it was all right they didn't they didn't really know what wrestling was over there they were kind of trying it out okay and so what like did they not they did not set up a ring for you no they did Just a giant trampoline when you showed up. It's so easy.

I don't know, here or America or wherever, they get the concept of like, yay, boo, a move, get into it. But it's not something that's been presented over in China. So you really had to baby step professional wrestling for them. So how do you explain to the crowd that you're the good guy or the bad guy so for us i was the bad guy what and they they well that's what the promoter goes you're the evil foreigners oh okay yeah oh you were fighting local chinese professional it was their job to tell people yeah so so in the ring before our match was i would say seven high school girls doing like

a rihanna type dance and then j lethal and i we interrupted them and kicked them out of the ring well that'll send the message yeah you guys unless the crowd was like what the fuck is this dance number about and then you come out and save the day. We're here for wrestling. Um, and then like, this is you, you fly there and then like, you just meet the people that you're wrestling.

Like as you arrive. Yes. Like an hour beforehand. That's crazy. But they spoke pretty decent English. Yeah. So it was easy enough to put and how's your mandarin yeah your mandarin's pretty good i think i know from beverly hills ninja

something that chris farley said and it was it was chris tucker uh-huh uh that's two two of the finest mandarin speakers yeah two of the best chr. Yeah, two of the best Chris's. From Rush Hour? Maybe it was from Rush Hour? Yeah, Shishi Ni Nahame. And that means? Jackie Chan, get over here. That might be Cantonese.

We started filming at two. He did not understand the words coming out of his mouth. Yeah. Uh, have you ever done stand up in a place that didn't speak your language? Yeah. Uh, did,

uh, stand up in Rotterdam. And then that crowd, like they spoke English, but they don't, uh, kind of the jokes in English don't really fly. Like people would do. Is that next to Amsterdam?

Where's Rotterdam? Yeah. Is it? Yeah. Oh. And like the other comedians on the show would do their jokes in Dutch and they would kill. And then somebody would come out and do something in English and it would bomb. And then the next guy would do it in Dutch and it would kill.

So they spoke English, but I don't think whatever we thought was funny it didn't. Were you scared to go out there once you saw that the English speakings were not doing well? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you still went for it. Oh, yeah. I mean, I was there anyways. Have you ever not gone on because you thought it was going to go

badly? No. Yeah, I don't think that's ever an option. I remember from doing stand-up knowing it was not gonna go well and you still have to do it yeah even for free yeah i remember being on a show when somebody bailed and i was like it was so surprising that i like i didn't know that was an option they were like i'm just not gonna go up and i was like huh oh it's bold yeah and i've i've known people who just didn't show up a lot i guess like larry david was famous for like looking at a crowd and being like nope not gonna do it and you know what george w bush was famous for uh talking about raising taxes nope not gonna do it. That was his dad.

Sorry, George H.W. Bush. May he rest in peace. Oh boy. Would you know my name if I saw you in heaven? A lot of people don't know that that song was written in advance of him passing away. Postumously. Premulously. Premulously

On Beverly Hills 90210 I had a half hour on Premuously, Blen Um So you've Japan, China All over America You've conquered it all

Yeah, I guess since I've been here last Which is a while ago I also I went to Russia I went to India I wrestled in India Wow How was the Indian reception guess since i've been here last which is a while ago i also i went to russia i went to india i wrestled in india wow how did how was the the indian reception to wrestling not good also damn it was in a field

and that was like considered nice yeah india's have you guys ever been to india no it's wild it is either way up or way down. In terms of elevation? In terms of attendance of wrestling. Yeah, I've heard that about it. It's in all the guidebooks. The class of people. It's either they're unreal rich or they are dirt poor.

Yeah. And so we, tickets were like the the equivalent of like a dollar and we did it four days in a row and they didn't know what wrestling was really either so they built us a ring and the ring you know it's got some give to it there's like wood but there's also kind of like a spring underneath but they didn't know that so they just built like essentially like a cement box wow and so we had to like also they didn't know that so they just built like essentially like a cement box and so we had to like also they didn't which is kind of good because they didn't know what wrestling was so we just had to trick them into like i'm sure they're like why aren't these guys falling down you know why

are these guys putting puppets on their heads um and so that was an experience that's very cool but i think russia was the place russian japan are Japan are the place for me where I can do my job and I don't need to speak the language. And they were like super into it. We get it. Yeah. What is it about Russia? I think they have the internet. Yeah, they're using it to troll my, to pervert

Pepe. I went there and one of the wrestlers picked me up and when I got home I bought a dash cam. Oh yeah. Because they all have dash cams over there. And for three years I've had a dash cam on my car

just waiting. You're never going to get the kind of stuff that you get in Russia. I'm waiting for a million dollar for a million upload youtube clip yeah i'm waiting for it world star yeah i am because like it's an investment there's if you yeah russian dash cams are such a weird cultural like i guess insurance will never believe you unless you have a dash cam but it's also because the stuff you see on the dash cam is like you made that up there's no way a guy just fought your car in the middle of rush hour but that's exactly what happened jackie chan and yeah well in soviet russia uh

the car fights you yeah so they wouldn't believe it the other way hey um do what uh what do they have in the 7-elevens in russia oh i don't remember what do you eat in the 7-Elevens in Russia? Oh I don't remember What do you eat in Russia? Yeah, what do you eat in Russia? I know of Borscht I know of Borat

Yeah, I know of Borat I know of Borscht I know of Boris Zhukov Yep I don't I'm a bad eater Really? I don't know if you remember that

Well, I know that you're a picky I'm a picky eater Yeah, you're a picky i'm a picky eater yeah yeah so i mean so this international travel's got to be difficult because like find me where's the japanese chipotle where's the japanese subway what's the equivalent of yeah do they well they have they have all the american chains in japan right enough of them yeah they did they have subway it's a little uh it's a little different like how it's all fish they just put fish sandwiches the chicken is like weird chicken can you bring your own chicken from 7-eleven and put it on oh i do that sometimes i

buy a 7-eleven sandwich and then i buy the chicken breast and then i cut it up and i enter it into the sandwich you enter it that was a bruce lee movie um now i feel like a real chef when i do it also how long were you in uh in russia for russia um i just did one show so you just fly like hours and hours and then you just are there for kind of 24 hours or something essentially i'll ask to stay another day right the day before or day after and i don't get paid that well either like it's just i mean pretty good but you're doing it because it's like hey i get to go to russia yeah these are experiences that i would never get before and people find me on their dime i think it's awesome yeah yeah um is there somewhere

that you want to go that you haven't? Oh. South America? I've been to Chile and Peru. Okay. I want to go to Italy. I've never been. I'm going to Alaska in April and I've never been to Alaska. You can see Russia from there.

Is that right? No. Oh. That's very wrong. I believe it. Yeah. Well, I mean, Sarah Palin's like She's one of our Best cartographers Yeah

She knows where things are And how things work So Let's see her In the next election Trump can't just like Get a new Finally back to Trump

Let's talk about it He can't just get a new Vice president For the re-election right why not i don't know does he want one i don't know like he doesn't seem like him and pence are chummy they don't seem like they're yeah it's weird that he's been the only guy who hasn't been fired yeah he's still got he's still got more than a year to like the to can them and then get it like a real spark plug candidate to be his vice.

Oh, man. A celebrity, probably, right? Yeah. Who would be? No. You can't have a celebrity steal his shine. No, that's true. Well, but what if it's, like, somebody from the Celebrity Apprentice?

Sure. Because then he was still clearly the boss. Like Vince Neil or Gene Simmons. Meatloaf. Well, Vice President Meatloaf would beice. Sure. Because then he was still clearly the boss. Like Vince Neal or Gene Simmons. Meatloaf. Well, Vice President Meatloaf would be good. Yeah. Yeah, Italy. Is wrestling a thing in Italy?

Yeah, sure. Sure, why not? But you know what I do like? I do like pizza. Like that's the most stereo sad meathead jock thing I think I could be like, oh, Russell in Italy. Because I love pizza. They do have pizza everywhere there. It's not, you know.

In Italy. In Italy. Yeah, they also have pizza everywhere in Chicago where he lives. That's true. So why would you ever leave? You know? It just. Now, last time we saw you go on i'm sorry to interrupt

uh you were on your way to we were in chicago you took us for the deepest of dishes yeah and you were uh you had just been tanning all day when's the last in the beds or in life i don't know it was this was in february you said you just got back from a big tanning session. Now, what's your current tanning situation? When did you last tan? Two days ago. Yep. Okay.

And I now have Sally's Drench Spray Tan, which I'm big on these days. Sally who? Oh, Sally the product? Sally the company. Okay. Sally's trench? Tan in a can. Okay.

A drench. So I'll use that when I go overseas or when I'm flying and I don't want to, I just want to carry on. Right. I could just spray myself down, get myself tan. My gym now has a tanning bed. I'm not proud of it. I never thought i was going to be a man that tanned so you have gym tan right does it have laundry do you get tanning stuff on your clothes that you need to then launder

yeah does this tanning spray does it wipe off on stuff or you or do you have orange palms from rubbing it in no i'm good yeah you're good yeah usually wipes off on the? Or do you have orange palms from rubbing it in? No, I'm good. Yeah, you're good. Usually it wipes off on the mat, and then I don't have to worry about it. See you later. Yeah, let somebody else deal with that. Have you ever done a tanning bed? I haven't done a tanning anything.

No? I've been in the sun. Sure. Just playing volleyball. Yeah, with one of those mirror things under my chin and a big zinc block on my nose. It was that weekend you were at your boss Bernie's. Yeah, well, he was my boss for a time. Yeah.

He sadly passed. Oh, no, really? Would you know my name? Lugging Bernie around heaven. lugging bernie around heaven i just learned that that was that metallic fold thing is for like i think under the boobs oh we were under the under the neck there like under your chin area i thought it was just to like get maximum sun let me just Google under boob. And by, no, you're right. I thought it was to get MaximumSun.org.

Thanks. The Max Sun Drive is coming up starting next week, guys. So get, get your, aluminum flaps.

Yeah, in order. Like, I've never been one of those. I'm just always scared of those tan tanning beds very very coffin like i how long do you go in for 10 minutes i i got a bally's total fitness

membership when i was 13 years old for my bar mitzvah okay it was like hey time to work off that baby fat. You're a man now. From the dessert table at the bar mitzvah. I got to get rid of this. And so this was early 90s. That's just such a funny thing to give a 13-year-old. It was per request. Go blast those quads, kid.

I got United States Treasury bonds. Oh, really? Kirby pocket, Jersey signed. And, uh, you're all over the Midwest. And a membership to Bailey's total fitness.

And in the gym, they would just have, uh, just a standup tanning bed that like people would go in. So 13, it's pretty formative for me. And I would, you'd have to go with another kid on your shoulders.

Stand up tanning bed. So you're going to want to take your trench coat off. No, no, no, no, no, no,

I'll take it off in there. A stand up tan. So I wouldn't go when I was 13, but it was, it wasn't like, you know, tanning beds are tanning places, they're kind of like you see people go into them and you're like, I wonder what goes on in there.

Yeah. But so at the gym, it was just like you saw people go in and tan. So like it wasn't that foreign to me. Yeah. Like India or China. Well, yeah, there was like a tanning bed at the YMCA that I went to when I was a kid. But it was like, like it was foreboded. Like kids not allowed to lie in a tanning bed.

No, I think legally you're not allowed to put a kid in there unless you're the tan mom. Yeah, I mean, and why do kids need tans? Who are they pretending that they jetted off to Monaco? Well, I've got a two-year-old and a four-year-old, and they've got that pageant bug. I remember Jordan Glickson went away in second grade untan, went to Cancun, came back tan, and then he was a tan guy for the rest of his life.

Oh, really? Yeah. He got a taste, and that was that. But I don't know, it like stuck with his pigment. So it could. Oh, like he couldn't go back. Like it just something happened. How quickly does yours fade and how many shades tanned are you?

You're sort of like, I know you're, I guess a wrestling expert, but I think I want to know about tanning. On a level of Hulk Hogan to, uh, like the ghost. Yeah. The ghost. Who's the palest wrestler? Oh,

there's a man named Seamus. Yeah. Seamus is like, okay, boy, oh boy. Is he pale? That's his schtick.

Is that? Yeah, I guess. And I'm jealous. Like, I just wish my schtick was as pale and sloppy. They were like, Colt, you have to be the fattest wrestler of all time. I was like, oh, no.

Who's the fattest wrestler of all time? Send me to Italy and I'll eat all the pizza. There's room. I think there's room for that gimmick. Just the guy who's- A sweatpants wrestler. Yeah, just like- There was a wrestler named Bastion Booger.

Do we remember him? Yeah, he was just a slob. He was gross. He didn't last too long. I'm looking for some longevity, though. Yeah. So I have a decent tan. It's nothing to brag about.

In a perfect world as a wrestler, you should probably go two times a week to the tanning bed for 10 minutes. I wear the goggles. I'm not looking... Listen, I'm not looking

to get eye cancer, all right? And your eyes are a good level of tan. You don't want to. Do they look all right? Yeah, yeah, they're fine. Thank you. They don't need to be any darker than they are. You're spraying Sally's tan spray on there.

I put on the lotion beforehand. Back in the day, I would put a sock on my old. Oh, really? Your chili pepper? On my chili. Because in my head, I would put a sock on my old... Oh, really? Your chili pepper? On my chili pepper. Because in my head, I was like, well, I'm fine to get cancer all over everywhere else,

but I don't need it down there. Yeah, I'm donating this to a museum. To Stevie Wonder. To Stevie Wonder. Why? Why would Stevie Wonder want them? People's people. Well, in Ferris Bueller, he says he's donating his eyes would Stevie Wonder watch the people's people's movies?

In Ferris Bueller, he says he's donating his eyes to Stevie Wonder. So I just, you know. There's all these words, man. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a Chicago theme. Yeah. So, well, that's great.

Thank you. In all of these these different uh because like you're going around to all these different leagues right all these different promotions you ever like are you ever the champ are you a champ in any of these or do you just you just fly in and do a couple matches and then get out of there you're not you're not in the club the big the big headlining match where you can steal the belt from somebody can you uh i mean a couple years ago i had a couple championships yeah most importantly i was the juggalo championship uh professional heavyweight wrestler really and yes i i represent uh the insane clown posse and all the juggalos all over the world as their champion um you've been you've gone on a

goodwill tour yeah where we would wrestle at goodwills that makes sense um but sadly the weed man beat me oh man you can't beat the weed man oh man the tax man and the weed man there's two things in life weed and taxes oh boy man the weed man oh that's great did you get close with the insane clown posse yeah are you friends with yeah violent jay is a friend of mine really which one is he uh the bigger of the two bigger although he is he? Uh, the bigger of the two? The bigger, although he is, he's slimmed down a lot over the years. But, you know, Shaggy 2 Dove is so skinny.

Are they our Laurel and Hardy? Oh boy, no, I think they're like our, ah, boy, who's the, who are the best two people?

Jackie, Shannon, Chris, Tucker, maybe? yeah, yeah. Um,

they, uh, recent, like within the past year, they were here in Vancouver. And I, like, watched the lineup that was lined up to go into the concert. And it was, like, fascinating. I've never been more fascinated by a group of people. Yeah, but, you know, it's also probably, this is weird to to say it's probably one of the safest places like they're not i know they have the rap but they're not gonna like

jump anybody no it seemed very welcoming there's a lot of hooting and one of them has violent in his name yeah and their symbol isn't it a guy carrying a meat cleaver no you're wrong it's it's violin t j it's violet j he loves smelling flowers he plays the violin violin tj you know that yeah somebody told me in a like a really insane uh story about the insane clown posse guys that they're like uh that they're some kind of religious bent to them is that true you know because like this is this is a story somebody told me that was that part of their wrestling promotion that you had to uh give yourself over to god oh i'm sorry to go on a different but i did win the mitzvah heavyweight championship just uh less than a year

ago what what is the mitzvah heavyweight Championship? This was in two guys' backyard in Toronto in front of 400 Orthodox Jews. Oh, boy. And I won the Mitzvah Championship. Mazel Tov. Did you get carried around on a chair? Yeah. And then they broke it over my back. As is tradition.

Yeah. Wow. as is tradition. Yeah. Uh, wow. Yeah. The one guy, he put my head down and they put a glass on it and then stomped on it. Oh boy. Oh man.

They covered it all. Uh, that's, that's great. Yeah. I, I, I wrestled that show and then I,

there was a big battle Royal at the very end and it was 400 or, uh, battle Moyals. And there was live commentary, and I never had so much, because they were all hammered. So I was just like making all these Jewish jokes, but I'm, as one of the people, I'm alive. The tribe. One of the chosen. Yeah.

And it was like, each time I would make a joke, I was like, ooh, are they going to laugh at this? And then they would. And then it was very successful, very fun. Now, when I try to make these jokes, I'm a racist. You're canceled. My 1971 Playboy interview. So are you the reigning champ? Do you still, like, you haven't been defeated for that title

haven't been defeated and it's like on the middle plate is just a big uh diamond star of david oh yeah pretty good a lot of likes on instagram so i know it's pretty good yeah yeah yeah uh what's your instagram handle if you want oh at coldcabin there you go and go back about 52 weeks yeah so I do dabble in the religious

wrestling world but I don't know about the insane clown posse and their religious bent yeah I heard that they have some

like that their songs are somehow all coded to be about heaven and Jesus and something like that. But I don't,

I don't know if that's any percent true. It's just a rumor I heard and I, and I'm willing to spread it around. Yeah. It's like, uh, the Momo challenge. The Momo challenge.

I was going to say something. You got all the cool internet things. What's going on with the Momo challenge? Um, do you know the Momo Challenge? So I just know the face and the pictures. Yeah. And somebody says, and there's a hoax.

Yeah. I don't know what the hoax is. Well, I'm a hysterical parent. And so I. You are. Very funny parent. I'm a historian. I'm a historian about internet hoaxes and lonely girl 15. And I have a podcast about it.

And the, the Momo challenge, I believe it was apparently these kids cause kids like watching YouTube. Boy, do they? Uh, and it would happen in a five minute video, like a totally normal video. Someone would insert this Momo character who is a...

Kind of a bird face. Yeah, like a Slenderman for our generation. I know the face. I just don't know the background. You're good with faces, not with names. And about four minutes into a five-minute video, it would just appear on the screen and, and give kids suicide advice. Yeah.

And not, not good, not good suicide. Not talking them out. Not like, here's a crisis line. Yeah. Didn't Rick Astley do the same thing?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It's this generation's Rick Astley. Yeah. Never going to slit your wrist. Yeah. So, you know what?

It's a hoax. It's not real. Go back to worrying about Tide Pods. Just go back to watching that child's entertainer that let somebody poo all over him. You'll be fine. Blippi? Yeah, yeah, Blippi. But now is Momo going to be big merchandise business?

What is this Momo? Maybe you can get some Momo merch on Redbubble. Momo. It was this, it's a sculpture from some special effects company in Japan.

That's what that picture is of. It all ties into me being in Japan. Yeah. I see what you guys are doing. Yeah, we, we made a big hoax for this episode.

What do my hoaxes take off like that? Brokeses before hoaxes. All my hoaxes take off like that broke brokes is before hoaxes all my hoaxes live in better there you go there you go dave what's going on with you man speaking of dumb things kids like watching uh-huh um uh sometimes my four-year-old margo will watch a movie never all at once which is not usually a problem because uh you know abby will will start it for her one day and then the next day she'll say i you know i want to watch more of the secret life of pets and we'll pick up where it left off and it's fine and it's not like the hateful eight where there's an intermission and she's like i'll leave it for now. That's a good place to... It's like, you can watch some of a movie.

Sure. And it's normally not a problem for me because I can just pick up the plot of these movies and figure out what's going on. Yeah. But there's this movie that Margot has discovered from, oh boy, I guess 10 years ago, maybe a little bit more, called Shark Boy and Lava Girl. Oh yeah, I know it. Do you know it? Yeah. You made a face.

Well, my friend, I think, became a millionaire because of it. Is your friend Taylor Lautner? No, my friend is Shark Boy. Oh, really? Taylor Lautner. No, the wrestler Shark Boy. Oh, okay. Oh, he got...

They stole his character. Oh. And so he settled out of court with him oh way and uh for them to have to settle they're not you know that's not a couple passes to disney right so unless you're very bad at the negotiation process we're willing to give you two passes disney done oh and uh so that's the only reason I know about it but I do know

it's a movie it's a Robert Rodriguez yeah it's one of his better movies yeah yeah absolutely

he made the Spy Kids movies and Desperado and Desperado and one of the quarters of four rooms and

Machete he made Machete and there was a movie where there was two movies yeah he made a Grindhouse there was a movie where there was two movies. Yeah. He made a Grindhouse. Was that a movie or that's the genre?

It was two movies. Based on the genre. Yeah. But they're individual 90-minute movies. And he did one called Planet Terror. Planet Fitness. Yeah. He got it.

It was a bar mitzvah present. Anyway, so this movie, Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Yeah. He got it. It was a bar mitzvah present. Anyway, so this movie, Sharkboy and Lava Girl. Yeah. It stars Taylor Lautner, the child actor. Wolf boy. He was a child actor, I guess before. Yeah, he was a child actor in, wait, was he a grown up in those movies? He was a cool teen.

What were those movies called? Twilight? Oh, Twilight. Yeah movies he was a cool teen what were those movies called twilight sure oh twilight yeah he was a child soldier yeah he was one of joseph coney's wolfman cronies yeah one of coney's cronies uh he was a little tiny boy in this movie yeah uh little shark boy he plays a shark boy yeah and there's this not a cartoon no this is a live action i feel like it was around the time that robert rodriguez made the sin city ones right because it's very like green screeny yeah but the opposite kind of green screeny yeah he also made the spy kids that was that was the precursor to Sharkboy and Lavagirl. And this movie is complete nonsense. I don't know what's happening from one minute to the next. They are in a reality where George Lopez is their teacher.

Yeah. But there's a hurricane approaching, but he won't let them leave class. Maybe it's a tornado. This sounds like the type of dream that a kid would have speaking of dreams there's it's not a musical but taylor lautner sings a song about dreams nice that i could not get out of my head while he's doing like kid acrobatics oh cool he does like stands on it does a handstand on one hand kicks in the air dream dream dream dream dream dream they could have got a

better singer and just had a blip singer but they didn't no no no movie that in terms of like children's that programming that i've been exposed to has flummoxed me this much really because his spy kids is also pretty flummoxing like what what doesn't make this for a four-year-old just the wild west of it nothing doesn't make it for a four-year-old it doesn't make it for a 38 year old margo has no problem with it yeah but like spy like i remember watching spy kids and all the henchmen are they're made of thumbs like their head is a thumb and their arms are thumbs i hope steve odekirk got to sue them didn't he make bat thumb and oh sure yeah yeah uh star trek thumb it was very weird it's a weird and like i think alan cummings is a bad guy and machete is machete in that movie, in Spy Kids.

Machete is a spinoff of Spy Kids? Yeah. Isn't that weird? Wait, that's real? Yeah, for real. That's pretty good. Yeah, their uncle is Uncle Machete. That's okay. Yeah, it's nice.

Is Frankie Muniz in those? It's nice that those worlds are all connected. And Richard Belzer connects them. That he's like, yep, the Spy Kids and lava girl world and the desperado all the same universe do you guys have a weird movie you saw at a very young age that you were like i don't know why i saw this or my parents let me watch this in a movie theater uh mine was definitely i'm gonna get you sucka oh oh yeah at probably seven or eight years old yeah my i remember that we had do you have siblings i have an older brother and he yeah he influenced me and had me watch a lot of yeah yeah yeah yeah my my like back in the day

when you your family would only own three video cassettes. One of the video cassettes we own was a movie called wild in the streets. And it was a movie where, uh, teenagers across America lobby to have the vote lowered to age 14 and, uh, they start killing old people in it. It was a crazy movie. Richard Pryor plays like a drummer in it. And, uh,

that does sound crazy. It's a, like, it's a band that influences the whole country to like go on these riots and lock up all the old people in, uh, in camps and stuff. It's, but I watched it when I was like,

yeah, eight. And I was like, huh? Yeah. Why am I watching this? I think I, one time I asked my parents if I could rent Attack of the Killer Tomatoes.

Yeah. And that, I remember watching it as a kid and being like, this isn't made as well as other movies. Like, this appears to be taking place all in the same room. I don't think they bought the good cameras. Yeah, my brother would have me watch a lot of weird horror stuff at at a very young age i remember those i think it's called the stuff oh it was like ice cream that would eat you yeah yeah yeah

the stuff and then it sounds like something that happens in soviet russia the there was also like these weird movies i don't know if they still make them these trauma movies like uh the toxic avenger and stuff I remember watching those as a kid and being really like why the fuck like who is this for if not me I do not yeah yeah yeah I'm a weird kid yeah yeah yeah like I'm like this should I should love this but I remember thinking it was like really I was like I'm above this yeah i remember a weird icky feeling yeah after seeing a thing like that or like like a cracked magazine or something like this isn't as good as mad magazine and i feel dirty because of it i remember there was uh this store chain uh san francisco and they only did you have san francisco no it's like a spencer spencer's gift yes yeah and they only, did you have San Francisco? No, it's like a Spencer gift. Spencer's gift. Yes.

Yeah. And they had a movie that was the only place that I ever saw this movie. It was called fart. The movie. No, that was a great reaction to that. Oh, come on guys.

You know what? Like you, yeah, that's the feeling I got from it. Like, just like, come on, come on adults. Don't, come on. Come on, adults.

Don't make this. Yeah. Well, adults are making them now, and they're just going on Vimeo. Yeah. But back then, they got them through the process. They had to go through the studios? The studios, yeah. Louis B. Mayer was overseeing Fart the Movie.

Toxie is on contract to make three more of these films oh man so like how many more times do you think you'll have to see this movie I don't know like it's the movie obsessions come and go

on a whim like a couple months ago she was obsessed with Matilda. Oh yeah. The Danny DeVito feature. He plays Matilda? No, he directed it. Oh,

he did? Yeah. Oh, wow. She's going to be great for school though, because I mean, every school book report I ever did was the outsiders and Charlie and the chocolate factory. Yeah.

And I never read any of those books. Well, I mean. That was right from the movie. We've been reading the Sharkboy and Lavagirl board books. But, and so much so that like Matilda, they made a musical of it. Yeah. And it's coming to town and I bought tickets and they're not until like Father's Day.

She will not, like I way over she will not it's like i've i've way overestimated her interest in matilda she will not care about it yeah is devito coming to town yeah devito's doing a one-man show cool matilda you're reading too many books, kid. Rhea Perlman's my wife in the movie, in real life. Theme from Taxi. Is Matilda famous now? She was somebody. Yeah, she's... She's like on Twitter a lot.

I had to hesitate because I didn't want to say, yeah, she's famous on Twitter. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah. She's famous on Twitter. Is that right? Yeah, yeah. Oh. Yeah. She's Rob Delaney. I'm also on Twitter,

so we have the same level of fame, apparently. Congratulations. Thank you. Yeah, it's weird that, like, is Rob Delaney, he was kind of like the guy that was the Twitter famous guy. I mean.

And there's nobody since. Well, I mean, Shit My Dad Says. Sure. Kelly Oxford. Yeah, Kelly Oxford. Who was Mike Burns was somebody. Mike Burns. He was like Shit Dad or something.

Are you not talking about Shit My Dad Says? No, this is, his name was, he had a fictional character named Carl. Uh-huh. And he was like. Shit dead from part of the movie? Oh, he was popular, I forget. Oh man, part of the movie. I never saw it.

I just always would look at that video box and be like, what the fuck? Yeah, you're on San Francisco. Like, that store was. They probably produced it. It was probably like a San Francisco production. Just the naughty posters in the back. And like the little naughty section they had like penis shaped stuff. Yeah.

My, you know, I don't know. We, we had some of that stuff around the house. So I was just like, this is no big deal. We had a lot of weird penises on the back of our toilet.

Well, I had, my grandpa gave me a little doll that had a coat on. And then once you put the coat up, there's a little wiener there. And it's kind of fun to think about those things that were around. And then now I'll go on eBay and they're there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The old, the classic one was the clown that had, you put a cactus.

The cactus would be the penis. That's like a classic. That was a classic. I remember it. Still, once in a while, I'll see one in a thrift shop or whatever, and I will not buy it. Don't want it anywhere near me. No. Classic.

Funny. Wholesome. I had to put a sock over my penis because I didn't want to get cactus dick. Graham, what's going on with you? Last weekend, I went to the Legion. I went drinking at the Legion. Was there wrestling there? There wasn't wrestling there, but it may as well.

I went in just thinking like, okay, it's going to be cheap drinks. I know that about the legion uh there's one right near where i live so but i i'd been in there during the week i'd never been there on a weekend so i didn't know what the weekend legion crowd was like oh boy the greatest what happens at a uh legion uh was there a meat draw happening uh there was I think the meat draw was Happening the following day Oh okay And They had a band

They had a cover band That was singing All the Kind of All the small things Yeah all the small things It was Blink-182 Trivia event

The old people there Didn't get it Yeah But still still Everybody was having fun It was They were singing All hits from the British Invasion It was they were singing all hits

from the British Invasion. Okay. And they were pretty good. They were a pretty good cover band. And it was somebody's birthday so at one point

everybody sang happy birthday and a cake. And they all knew that person. Yeah, everybody in the Legion knew this person. Just a local person.

Yeah. I mean, everyone wasn't there for like a birthday party. No. That was just Frank. what's weird is this is this is the weird confluence of people that were there there was a wake that had been going on from four to six there were posters everywhere saying like welcome to ruth's wake please take your hat

off yeah please take your hat off just kidding that's the rule in the legion all the time uh it was said that she was a gardener, and at every table there was a little potted plant. A little cactus penis. Yeah, a little cactus penis. A clown with a cactus penis. She liked gardening. She liked jokes.

She liked phalluses. Her three, the big three. So the wake had ended, but there were still people there from the wake. By the way, all my phalluses live in Dallas. Oh, yes. It'suses live in Dallas. Oh, yes. It's like holding in a sneeze.

I'm glad that got resolved. Um, there's, uh, uh, so there was that there, there was just regular Legion Saturday, people who would be there every Saturday night,

regardless people who are there for this birthday. And then, and then myself, uh, just, you went solo no i was uh i was on a date with the legion hey boy hubba hubba and uh this was the best thing is the band would play a song we dance floor all the seniors would make their way onto the dance floor dance then the song would end everybody clear the dance floor they wouldn't wait for they were like well i guess that's the only song they're gonna play

tonight back to our tables everybody would go sit down the band would start playing another song everybody would get back up walk to the dance floor again. They'd repeated this ritual Wow. for every single song. Nobody stayed on the dance floor

just like okay well another song How long was it in between songs? Like 12 seconds? Like they weren't like thank you

and then did a little banter like they just like two three four oh yeah they're doing another song and uh at one point uh woman who we were trying to guess the whole night how old she was my guess was in mid-70s uh she came over to our table and said why aren't you dancing she started harassing us she said I'm 82 and I'm out there dancing

she really was dancing up a storm she was she was the hit of the night and that's pretty amazing that you didn't even

have to ask her what her age was to win that bet are you guys coming to my wake here next week and then one song

I think it was a Beatles song she ran to the dance floor oh boy she got too far away from the dance floor and realized oh no they're still playing music and i i don't think i've ever seen an 82 year old run in heels no less oh sure you have oh mrs doubtfire yeah yeah i uh something I was like Throwing something to my mom I was at my parents house And she's 72 now And it went like

Flying in the wind Into the street And she hauled ass Into the street And I like It took me back I couldn't believe My mom

Wow Could run like that At 72 Which gave me hope I feel Yeah Did she go to the gym? No No Did she tan tan she does my laundry

i bring it over every sunday mom i'll do the gym and tan you you do the laundry let's call the whole thing off uh what was the what was the draw at the uh the legion uh they're like why did you go why did i go how many people in the house oh oh packed every seat in the house so probably like 200 people are you ever sometimes like oh i did a comedy show in front of 10 people but the legion is drawing yeah yeah but you know what in canada a lot of the times you're doing a show it's at the legion yeah so and i could easily picture i was like yep that's where i'd be standing if I was doing a show off in the corner

next to the Canadian flag and the British Colombian flag next to the picture of the queen is there a picture of a queen? I think I've only been to the legion once there's a picture of the queen that's where they had the cake the sheet cake for the person's birthday it was a white sheet cake

wait a second it was a clan meeting was a white, white sheet cake. Uh-huh. Um, Wait a second. It was a, it was a clan meeting. Yeah, yeah, yeah. A white sheet cake. Um,

Then you poke a hole through it and have sex and that turns into a Jewish, an Orthodox cake. A Jewish orgy. A Georgie. A Georgie. The, um, but yeah,

I had only been, uh, like on the weeknights because they have a pool table and you can just play pool forever for a dollar and uh but i yeah i didn't realize that it was like party central on the weekend you're not gonna be playing pool for the next little while i fell i fell and i hurt my hand bram's got a big tensor bandage on his hand I had to go to the emergency room yesterday And get an x-ray That was yesterday

No it was a couple days ago But then I was like I gotta make sure that nothing's broken You know what I mean I guess you can't get an x-ray Just at your local doctor At shoppers At the pharmacy Next to the blood pressure machine

Do you guys do x-rays? flu shots? yeah we'll email you the results yeah it's weird it's a lot of waiting for a thing that literally took under a minute like the actual x-ray

and the verdict was no break but a bone bruise. Bone bruise is all over. Bone bruise is all around. That's why I wear a sock on my penis. So you don't bruise your bone? Yeah. I hear you, bro. Yeah, come on. Come on now.

We would call that an ace bandage. What'd you call it, a tenor wrap? I'd call it a tensor bandage. Tensor bandage. What do you call it, an ace? Ace bandage? I think the brand of bandage. I don't know why I say tensor bandage. Tensor bandage. What do you call it? An ace? Ace bandage? I think the brand of bandage. I don't know why I say tensor bandage. You've heard it before? That's what I would call it, a tensor bandage.

I bought, this was not a brand name. This was the pharmacy, you know, their house brand. Yeah, it's a lot of generic stuff after a couple years. I don't know why the default color is this kind of beige-y color. Yeah. Well, guess what's coming for you now? Well, I mean, so you're going to have that wrapped up on your hand. You're going to have mis-color hands.

You're going to have to tan. We're going to have to get you in the tanning bed. Yeah, that's true. This is going to throw off my whole tanning regime. Regime? Regiment. Anyways. Words are difficult. No no regime was right tanning regime that's what i thought i think regime and regimen are pretty

interchangeable as red are there two different words regimen and regimen maybe and cinnamon my old tanning cinnamon yeah um yeah but you know what i'm just gonna use some spray spray stuff i'll be fine i'll just spray this hand oh but then i'll have one hand that's super tanned and one that could be my gimmick though yeah that'll be my gimmick tan hand man yeah in the comedy you're like earthquake yeah yeah yeah was he tanned do you have a tan head oh i meant the comedian he was black what was his gimmick he was black it's not much of a gimmick i assume he was a bigger gentleman yeah you don't know earthquake no i know the wrestler earthquake but i don't know i know the comedian earthquake i know bruce bruce i met bruce bruce really and he liked wrestling uh this all tracks in my head.

Yeah. Yeah. I can see Bruce Bruce being. He also lost a lot of weight. Didn't he? Bruce Bruce. When I met him. He's just down to single Bruce.

Oh, guys. Should we move on to a bit of business? Yeah. Business. Oh, listeners. It's time for a little bit of business business um now here's the thing man sometimes hiring like it used to be hard whoa whoa whoa whoa oh hi zipper crooner i'm here now whoa um i didn't know which ad we were doing first. Hiring used to be hard, Zipper Gruner.

There was multiple job sites. There were stacks of resumes. There was those little accountant hats, those pull machines that the little ribbon came out of. Shirt garters on your sleeves. Shirt garters, absolutely. Business used to be a lot harder. Pneumatic tubes. Yep, pneumatic tubes.

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Stop Podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by Squarespace. It's me. Oh, boy. It's me, Squareface. Hi, Squareface. Hi, I'm the bad guy from Dick Tracy. Here's things you can do with Squarespace. Okay.

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Oh, okay, class. Don't forget to listen to your favorite podcast from March 18th to 29th. I'll expect full pod reports when you're back. I have got to ask someone why these classes are only 45 seconds long. Overheard. Overheard is a segment where we hear things out there

In the wild, wild world And we bring them here into the peaceful, peaceful studio We share them We always like to start with the guest Who, me? Yeah, you I got a couple Okay

Do you want to go all at once? Sandwich me Okay, sandwich, here we go Overheard bread Alright Where'd you go? Sorry. Okay. Edit that out. Nope. We're actually going to flip flop the show. So we start with this segment. Um, I was on my bike and in the city and there was a biker and there was a flyer and, uh, the flyer was

in the way of this biker and the biker was, uh, biking down the street and there was a biker and there was a flyer and uh the flyer was in the way of this biker and the biker was uh biking down the street and uh and the biker goes get out of the fucking street and then the flyer goes hey watch your fucking mouth yeah we're trying to live in a society here cool it with the uh f bomb which which reminded me of one of my very first laughs i ever got oh you got not as you ever had at uh overnight camp uh the counselor said hey stop with the cussing and i go what the fuck is cussing oh nice the cabin was in tears. Cool. Cool. Cool. Cool. Um, uh, it's a pretty good line. Is Chicago a good bikes, bicycle city?

It's bicycle friendly. Yes. Do you have lanes? Uh, yes. I was thinking of a joke for that, but I could not think of one. So I just agreed. Yeah. Yeah.

Fine. Not everything has to be a joke. Yeah. You know, some things are just real man. Um, Daveave mine is look some weeks the overheards giveth some weeks they take it away i guess they don't really take it away they don't give it so much yeah this week okay it gave it oh so much so that i was like do these people know i have a podcast where I do overheards?

There was a, so this was in a, there's near where I work, there's now a ramen restaurant, which is very good for me because I like to have a place to where I can eat noodles in water. Yeah. Ramen. Yeah. Noodles in water. Give it a try. And this place is one of those restaurants where you don't get your own table. You're just

you know. With the people. Everyone you just sit cafeteria style. Oh is there room at this table? Okay well since we're all sitting amongst each other we'll try not to have a very private sexual conversation. Or will we?

So this woman was talking to a guy and she said, I've been having a lot of meltdowns lately. Oh, no. I went to my friend's pole dancing show and I walked in and I saw him and I just had to leave. I sat down on the sidewalk and I had a full melty. And it was enough that she called a meltdown a melty. I was like, well, this is great. This is my overheard for the week. And then she went on.

Then I pulled it together and afterwards we all went to a kinky kitty party. It was fun. I wore this lace romper. I looked over at her. The people you least suspect. Sure. And then we went back home and my roommate was there with her boyfriend. And we just went to bed and went to sleep.

And when my roommate left for work the next day she said it's okay with me if you two have sex when i'm out wow and it was so funny because he was like well uh when i woke up i was thinking about starting something up with the two of you who are these people oh vancouver cool and then when she got home from work, she said she was thinking of starting something up that morning too. Wow. And,

uh, the guy she was talking to said, well, well, would you have had a threesome with them? And she said, Oh yeah, I'd be like,

sure. Whatever. Roommates. Boy, melties. Yeah. Oh boy. Uh,

yeah. And I'm like, giving me a melty. I'm typing as i'm going as they're going like i wasn't even trying to hide it do you guys mind just speaking into this i'm from penthouse forum but also it was like so we went to this kinky kitty party well what's that you need to explain Break it down for people who are listening. Because, I mean, in Japan, they have the cat cafes. Yep.

Oh, maybe, yeah. But they don't have kitty. Kinky kitty party. Kinky kitty cafes. Kinky kitty party. All right. Well, I know what I'm Googling. Yeah.

Yeah. You know what? It didn't even occur to me. I should look up what that was Yeah Early 20s? I'd say late 20s But like

You know what? I'd say early 30s Mega hat Because she was with a guy And the guy was talking about how he used to You know, when I used to be ripped Going to clubs It was so easy With these washboard abs Yeah To get melties? When I used to be ripped going to clubs there, it was so easy.

With these washboard abs. Yeah. To get melties? Yeah, to get melties. No, yeah. So I think they've had a period in their 20s where certainly he was younger and buffer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They're having melties below the belties.

Sure. Well, yeah, my overheard stinks compared to that sexual escapade. I guess the overheards take it away. They take it away. Mine was sitting in the ER for hours and hours. The seats, I thought, very comfortable.

I thought they were very comfortable seats. This lady came in. Oh, man. She played the real Goldilocks game. She sat in one of the in. Oh, man. She played the real Goldilocks game. She sat in one of the seats. Oh, man. The seat's so uncomfortable.

Was looking around for somebody to be like, yeah. You said it. Yeah. Also, our health care is free. Then she got up, sat in the seat next to it. I was like, what do you think is going to be the difference? So uncomfortable. She's so mad.

Then she went across the hall and disappeared around the corner and i was like is she just standing around the corner and her daughter came to get her and she uh she's like has anybody seen my my mom and then i just heard the voice from around the corner i'm sitting over here those seats were so uncomfortable yeah describe the seats uh They were just like a padded seat. Vinyl? Yeah. Wipe-downable? Yes. Oh, also the lady next to me, Peter Self.

The different lady, but yeah. Vinyl and really wipe-downable. Yeah. Have you ever been in a place where, and I've done this before, where I just don't want to sit. I just want to lay down. So you just lay down on the floor. Like you take your coat, that's your pillow. Yeah.

And it's way more comfortable. I don't want to sit. I want to lay on the floor. Like you take your coat, that's your pillow. Yeah. And it's way more comfortable. I don't want to sit. I want to lay on the floor all day. Go Packers. Now, Cole, you had another over here? Oh, I do. Oh, no. Hold on.

Brett Favre is here. So I was in Detroit and I was on the shuttle to get from the airport to the hotel. Not the space shuttle. The Detroit space shuttle. We got our own NASA up here. Cool. And the pilots are talking and then the driver, the shuttle driver, so the pilots are there because they're going to their hotel and the driver goes, oh, hey, did you see Bobby's show? And they go, Bobby's show? They go,

Bob Ritchie, you know, Kid Rock. Oh, yeah. Everyone's on a first name basis with Kid Rock in Detroit. Detroit. Everybody calls him Bobby. Bobby. It's like New York and Bobby Nitero. Same thing. It's fine. And Bobby

Flay. Everybody's allowed to call him. That's fine. And, uh, Bobby Flay. Yeah. Everybody's allowed to call him. That'd be weird if you call them Robert Flay. Um, Robert Kid Rock. Uh, I remember when he was, he married to Pamela Anderson.

They, I think they, they definitely dated. Oh yeah. Cause I remember her. She said, Oh, I call him Bob.

Cool. He's a, he's a guy who's still like he's managed to stick around and uh yeah i'm not sure i'm not sure how but uh god bless him still still doing it still kid rocking it up i think he's maybe yeah i think the same way that we were like wait donald trump's actually our president well i was thinking my i was i thought we were gonna say the same thing like we were like, wait, Donald Trump's actually our president. Well, I was thinking, I thought we were going to say the same thing. Like, that's vice president material. Oh, there you go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, absolutely.

I think he did like campaign for something like that. Oh, he was going to run. Yeah. And then he realized like it was a very short lived news story because he was like, I'm not running for anything. It's I would rather be adored. Yeah. I think he was running for president of the Music Hall of Fame.

A very prestigious elected position. Since I will never get in on my merits, I can be the president of it. My platform is to rock and roll all night and you heard it, party every day.

Yeah, if he was the vice president, he would just hope that the president of the Hall of Fame would get killed and then he'd be in the Hall of Fame, right? Yeah, he would ascend to the position. The current president of the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame. I don't know, Ted Nugent. Trying to think of a legitimate. Todd Rundgren. Violent J. Now we also have have overheard sent in from people all over the map i overheard uh kid rock say something the other day yeah what'd he say he said bow with the

bong diggy diggy diggy stood the boogie what does that mean it just means get crazy is that our equivalent of ooo eee ooo ah ah bing big bang, walla-walla, big bang? Sort of. Yeah, that's our generation's that. Mbop as well. Yeah, yeah. All I want to do is zig-zig-ah. Yeah, I'm blue to bada-be-da-ba-da-ba-da-do-de.

Mbop-bop. Chicka-chicka-ah, yeah. Twix commercial. And Ferris Bueller's Day Off. Sure. Now, if you want to send one into us you can send it to spy at maximum fun dot org uh this first one comes from uh jesse and bernaby oh not even that far away yeah you know you gotta walked it over or she i teach at a local college

bcit and one of the programs we teach allows high school students to come and try out some of the different programs and get a feel for things and see if any of these are careers they may wish to pursue. One Friday as the students were packing up at the end of the day, two boys were talking. I missed the question the one boy asked, but the response was,

Nah, bro. My parents are out of town and I got a 24-pack of ramen super cheap. So I'm set. Yeah. You can eat all the ramen you want as soon as your parents are out of town and i got a 24 pack of ramen super cheap so i'm set yeah you can eat all the ramen you want as soon as your parents are out oh imagine the conversations he'll hear at his own house over that ramen yeah ramen invites sexy conversation what was like if you were home alone did your parents okay did your parents ever leave you home alone as a teenager yeah like for and went out of town uh yeah for like a weekend or something like that did you they were going to some kind of kiddie party i don't know i don't know what

uh like to throw a high school party like no no not to throw a high school party but like i i don't think my parents went away overnight without me, but I definitely, there were stretches where I would like, oh, it's okay. I'll make dinner for myself. Right. You know, wrap a hot dog in a tortilla, put some cheese in there. Yeah.

Microwave it. Is it bagel dogs? No. Oh, those were the best best were they round hot dogs is that it was as opposed to the square ones like the bread the bread was like a bagel but it was in the shape of a bun but it especially because i was the youngest my mom just stopped grocery shopping after the other kids moved out yeah so it was a lot of like fending for myself yeah in terms of or sending my dad out to buy a big thing of Couch Ocula.

Sure. Here's, yeah. Or just like, here you go. Your dinner's lick-a-made. But like, I remember just constantly being hungry as a teenager. Yeah. And like. Pizza Pops was the, was the go-to.

Was there a big microwavable thing you liked? Bagel dogs. Bagel dogs. But also that, the cheese in the can. Sure. Easy cheese. Like spray cheese? Yeah. Oh, wow. Bagel dogs? But also that The cheese in the can Sure Easy cheese Like spray cheese? Yeah

Oh wow And then like I was such like a monster That I would eat the whole can So my mom My mom would buy My brother one And mine one

And then she would write Our names on the top of the cap Then I'd eat most of mine And then switch the caps Colt! Colt! And your brother's just Finding out about this now

Yeah he's a vegan now So he's probably I think that was probably vegan. Yeah, I doubt there's any dairy in it. Vegans can eat plastic. You may not know, this is the same thing the records are made of. There's like a bunch of weird

did you know Twinkies are vegan? I'm not surprised. Oreos are, yeah i'm not surprised yeah oreos oreos are yeah despite their cream filling um this next one comes from ed they would be gross if they were room temperature dairy filled uh this is ed in colchester england hello hello there by uh while putting my four-year-old son to bed recently he said dad i love you so much i want to put you in prison love prison but you know so he can't get away right he loves his dad so much he's gonna put

him in a some sort of yeah love prison yeah i think he's just i have so much pent-up love yeah yeah i want you to be in jail. I want you to get the chair. Yeah. I want you to, you know, go through the, the appeal process for years.

I'll buy you a poster. You can dig behind it. You can dig behind it. I want to, I love you so much. I want to bake a file into a cake yeah that's it must have worked it must have worked once because it really became a a trope that old file in the cake um yeah i've never helped anybody bust out of prison but i hope

to someday i hope to have some a good enough friend that you know that gets busted for something that maybe they did maybe they didn't but if they did it for something that maybe they did, maybe they didn't. But if they did it, it was something charming. Like they were robbing a bank to help their sick kid or whatever. And then I help bust them out. I dig halfway, they dig halfway.

Sheriff's blade of spaghetti. This last one comes from Joe M. My aunt handles scheduling for a landscaping company she told me about this phone call with a manly dude aunt do you have any dogs customer yeah one dog aunt what's the dog's name guy uh i don't know and you don't know the name of your own dog man bashfully princess i like seeing it and i've seen it uh i've seen in this neighborhood i've seen downtown giant man tiny dog yeah great great hilarious combination no matter how many times i see it i do like the idea that a landscaping company needs to know whether you have a dog.

Yeah. Sure. Like, there's a bunch of concerns. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They don't need to know the dog's name. Well, unless they want to play some kind of game. Or send it a birthday card. Time to check up with your landscaper.

Time to check up with your landscape. Now, in addition to our overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. It's my pod one. Like these people have. Hi, Dave.

Hi, Graham. Hello, beautiful guest. This is John from North Carolina calling with an overheard. We were just walking to the car after a Target trip there, and two about college-age girls walked past, and I overheard one of them say to the other, You know when you get pregnant, you can't just eat chicken nuggets? Got to have bagel dogs. Why can't you you I don't know

and also how did that girl get on the phone call yeah that voice he did was very it was very well done um

but it would be a fun experiment to see if you could grow a child on just the protein from chicken mcdougats yeah you could I like how you call it

grow a child against a chicken well it's not not it's it's gross I guess from Chicken McNuggets. Yeah, you could. I like how you call it grow a child against a chicken. Well, it's not not it's gross. And what's the fuel for it? Chicken McNuggets. Yeah. No, I think you can't.

I didn't know you couldn't. Yeah. Me neither. Because Chicken McNuggets full of folic acid is something that pregnant ladies need anyway. Are they?

I assume. Protein. Prote's something that pregnant ladies need anyway. Are they? I assume. Protein. Protein. Pink slime. Pink slime. Breaded. Breaded. Entity.

They're breaded to perfection. Yeah. And then deep fried? There's a lot of things you can't eat. But I didn't think that was on the list.

I know you shouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. But like, you know, they don't want you to have raw cheeses yeah that's right what is raw cheeses no sush no sush uh no baloosh you can't watch any of

the baloosh movies either of them yeah uh no no no no no. Yeah, stay away from those little cooch balls. Yeah, from Rosie O'Donnell. No matter how cutie or patootie is. Oh, my phone's ringing. Well, we're not answering that. Next phone call. Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Dave in Minneapolis with an overheard. Years ago, I was at a cocktail party in Germany with a bunch of expatriates.

And there was a lady there who was a costume designer for Hollywood. So I was asking her all these interesting questions. And we got to the topic of Disneyland in Anaheim, California. And she was just going on and on about how much she loved the place and how she had season tickets and would go like once a month. And then this guy at the party started listening in and he just could not fathom the idea of somebody an adult voluntarily going to disneyland and was just shocked at the whole thing so eventually he went up to this girl and said are you a cultural theorist like that you would have to be there studying yeah you're going there to study subcultures of

disney fanatics i don't know it isn't i haven't been as an adult but isn't it charming i have a lot of friends who are obsessed and go constantly without children or anything huh and they gave me the whole spiel and i went also like i because we did some wrestling down there so i and i have some hookups there so i went i was just like i don't see it and then, they, uh, one of my friends said it's, you have to drink. That's like one of the important things. And there's this one place. Well, I guess this is in Florida, not Anaheim, but I think they have the same thing where you drink all the beers of the world.

Oh yeah. And that's like an important thing is to get drunk and enjoy Disneyland. I think. Isn't that like Epcot? Is Epcot the world? It might be. Anyways. We are disney fanatics like this woman no cultural theorist but like i also don't know what a cultural theorist is i think it's just someone who studies cultures like an anthropologist yeah maybe yeah yeah i mean but the underpinning being this person couldn't sanely be going.

Yeah, why would a grown woman be going to Disneyland? Yeah, unless. I also liked that the caller said I was asking her a lot of really interesting questions. Okay, don't flatter yourself. I do say so myself. She might have been bored. She was probably thinking about Disneyland the whole time. Yeah.

What's Goofy like? How come Goofy is a dog and can walk and talk and Pluto is a dog who can just walk? This is a fair question. Next call. Hi, Dave Graham and fabulous guest. Got a short and silly, weird kind of overheard. We recently had an employee that I worked with. He was kind of an odd bird.

And one day he just walked over to my co-worker's cubicle and just asked, Hey, Michelle, do you ever dream? And I just thought that was a very strange question. Because you've been running through my brain all night. Or I'm about to tell you my really boring dream story. Never had a dream. Cause here's one. Here's one.

You might want to add to your journal. Try this one on for size. It's me. I'm naked. And you're there. Then I wake up in a cold sweat. Freddy Krueger's there.

To be fair, I can't remember the last time I had a dream. That's common. Yeah. I had one a couple weeks ago about Freddy Krueger. I had a dream about Common, too.

He gave a very emotional speech was it a sprint commercial is he in sprint commercials oh yeah oh i did i don't know we don't for him yeah we don't have we don't have it up here you had a dream about freddie krueger yeah yeah that i was reading a comic book about freddie krueger and i was like when i woke up i was like huh that's that's the whole thing. Yeah, if you dream about it. That's the whole nightmare on Elm Street. I had it. Yeah.

And I survived. You were ready for Freddy. Yeah. Yeah. Which is his new t-shirt. He just wanted to fondle me a bit in the dream. He didn't want to kill me. He just kind of touched me with his scissor fingers.

But like lightly. Yeah, yeah. I don't, I famously have boring dreams yeah i don't know if i told this one because my you we all remember the the harrowing dream the harrowing dream that i had that i was worried because my travel agent was retiring yeah uh you mean the internet no i have a travel it yeah my most recent uh boring dream yeah is uh that me and a group of guys were trying to figure out why a garage door wouldn't close it's freddy krueger one of the guys no it was just regular guys and uh man i had a dream you were in it

last night turns out there's a big bag in the way a big full sack of like uh cement or like bricks or something blocking the uh oh here's your problem right here yeah bag of a bag of bricks solved pretty quickly oh that was a dream, dream, dream, dream, dream, dream.

Um, well, that brings us to the end of this episode. Uh, Colt. Yes, sir. Time to plug something.

Oh man. What should I plug? Where can people find you online? You're at Colt Cabana on Twitter and Instagram. And I got to see that. Uh, are you on Tik TOK? Are you doing Tik TOK yet? Are you on Peach? Uh, excuse me. Twitter. And Instagram. And Instagram. Yeah, you got to see that. Are you on TikTok? Are you doing TikTok yet?

Are you on Peach? Excuse me? Hmm? Oh, man. No. Those are my- Are you on Momo? Momo.

I'm on it. On Yik Yak. My website's colecabana.com. So I have a bunch of merch. I put out a children's book. Oh, yeah. Which I should have brought one for your kids. Huh.

Oh, wait. I did. I've got one upstairs. Oh lie no i do i have one i mean it's not i mean you didn't get it you didn't bring it for them yeah but you can sign it to them yes yeah and i have um uh three documentaries about uh the world of travels and professional wrestling that you can get them for digital or i'll send you one for my house, Colt merch.com or digital Colt.com. And if it's too early to plug the fringe, right? No.

Okay. You'll be at the end. In August, Brent, I'm not doing it with Brendan this year. I know he's, he's not doing it anymore. I did the show for six years with Brendan Burns in Edinburgh and I'm doing

it with, uh, Toronto Canadian, John Hastings, John doing it with Toronto Canadian John Hastings. John Hastings. Yeah. Very funny John Hastings. And then I'm doing shows all, I do shows all over the world. My dates are on coltcabana.com.

Nice. Wrestling. Wrestling. Oh, yeah, I do wrestling shows. The Edinburgh is comedy. Right. The wrestling is wrestling. But, you know,

you're the, the clan Prince of wrestling. Yeah. I'm the princess is my dog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay. All right. Um, and, uh, next week will be the, uh,

beginning of the max fun drive. Yes. So, you know what? Uh, look under those couch cushions Yes. So, you know what? Look under those couch cushions. And, you know, a few bucks to throw

this show's way. If you love this show. Oh, boy. If you love this show, consider supporting us this year. It's a two-week. We have two weeks of shows about where we accept

donations and you can get cool prizes. Yeah. Or gifts. Yeah. Gifts. Animated gifts.

Yeah. You can get the dancing baby. The one that started it all. And thank you very much for listening.

And if you like this show why not tell some friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Listener supported.