Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 581 - Mayce Galoni

Episode Date: May 6, 2019

Comedian Mayce Galoni joins us to talk awards shows, new computers, and construction noises.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 581 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who can down a can of the dry faster than anybody I know, Mr. Dave Shumka. It's a small can and I haven't downed it yet. Oh, okay. Well, none of my story checks out. It's made from real ginger apparently in a i think in america they had to back up or uh

what do you call it back down from this claim oh that it's made with real ginger yeah uh but it's uh hey uh we got a new mic set up and there's a lot of like looking around actually i prefer to be looked at okay podcast please uh anyway before the show about 10 minutes before the uh graham and our guest showed up i suddenly had a little kind of felt a little fluish yeah maybe it's my tummy maybe it's a fog in my brain yeah so i'm drinking i took an ibuprofen and i'm drinking a ginger ale and we'll see what happens. It's really, it's the one-two punch that knocks out any kind of infection. A pill, Canada Dry.

Do you know the Barenaked Ladies wrote a song called Canada Dry and then Canada Dry used that song in their commercial? What? How does it go? It's like, you're leaving me high canada dry really yeah you know the song i well i i got stuck in my head uh from the commercial so then i googled it to see if it was just a jingle and it's an actual song what era uh recent is it like how uh um uh i'm loving it is a justinberlake song. Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I always forget that that's where that came from. Yeah. Oh, boy. Part of our shared history. Is that maybe the thing that's made him the richest? You would think. Does he get a... Or did he sign off all the rights?

Free hamburgers for life. Yeah. Graham, I'm trying to not throw up. And our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast. He has an album out that you can download. He won't plug it himself, but I'll plug it for him. It's called Awkwader. It's Mace Coloni's our guest.

Hello. Thank you very much for having me. Thank you for being on the show. No, no problem. It's, you've been in town for a couple of years yeah but always out of town every time i think to ask you so yeah yeah i i we're we've been sophie and i have been like moving a lot back and forth oh the the most the farthest points you can be in in canada we're going from halifax to vancouver the time. And it's very annoying. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. But, uh, yeah. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us.

Yeah. You were on this hours, 22 minutes. Yes. And, uh, so like, what do they put you up in an apartment,

a hotel? What are you, where were you living? They put us up in an apartment and, uh, it's the nicest apartment I've ever had. And it's not that it's still not amazing. It's just,

they have like, uh, they have like a laundry machine in there and a dishwasher. Yeah. Yeah. And, do you ever get them mixed up? Uh,

yeah, no, no, no. I, I, I do. I,

I throw my clothes and dishes in both so that it doesn't matter yeah i can't i win either way when i was younger i remember there was a uh in the back of like sports illustrated there was a ad for this thing you could use uh so you could wash your baseball hat in the dishwasher i remember this sort of like uh it would like keep it shaped yeah yeah i think i've seen that yeah do you put it in with the dishes though like i wonder yeah like i was at first i was gonna say of course you do but then i i'm thinking about it yeah maybe some corn niblets get their way in there or something everything comes out clean but that's because nothing's a hat normally.

And then there's like people who would like wash their shoes, like their sneakers in the washing machine and I always thought that was insane. Like canvas shoes?

Yeah. Yeah. Like it just seemed to me like with a canvas shoe, I think it's just like you buy them, they look really nice for a couple of weeks,

then they slowly disintegrate over time, then you throw them away. Did people put shoes in the dryers and then sit on the dryer and have sex or like sit solo and have no no no i think it's like a couple would get on there no no i mean the receiver makes your thoughts is the idea that it would rattle extra? I guess, yeah. They had gotten bored of the regular wash cycle.

And they needed some more clunking. To spice things up. Yeah. On their anniversary. We'll throw some shoes in there. At that point, I think they would go to a sex shop and buy some machinery designed for this. Not just... But how much are you like we

got a perfectly good dryer right here people are very responsible with their kinkiness yeah yeah they're they're budget-minded yeah this is this is today's kinkster budget-minded fashion forward and what do you have like go to the sex shop what do you have in like a rattle around sit on machine well because back like always in comedy movies in the 80s if somebody stayed at a like a horrible motel yeah there would be a vibrating bed yes that was like coin operated yeah coin operated vibrating bed And that was supposed to be like a hilarious thing. But at some point, that was a thing that would have been for sex. Presumably. Well, I mean, only like even.

Yeah. Like you wouldn't have just lay there on a vibrating bed. It's like one of those D-box seats, but just for home movies. So did this apartment have one of those no unfortunately it didn't have the heart-shaped uh vibrating bed but they should that's i'll put that in my contract if they ask me back heart-shaped mattresses too like what how many of them in the history of the world have been produced the heart heart-shaped mattress? Yeah. That's a good question because it is like a very specific motel, I'm assuming, would be purchasing them. And so these would be maybe like a mattress manufacturer doing a limited run of heart-shaped mattresses?

Yeah. Also, like what's the sleeping, like your feet touch and then see in the morning kind of thing i mean you could go head to head yeah that's true oh yeah that's true um if that's what you yeah that's what you're looking for but i feel like that like ocd wise that would mess me up because then you're not really sleeping on a heart you You're sleeping on like an arrowhead, which is also pretty cool. But I don't know if it's as romantic. Yeah. I don't,

uh, like a long time ago when I worked on the oil rigs, they put me up in a motel and I stayed in a room that was, uh, the deluxe room. And this was back at like, it was just shy of a heart shape bed. Like it had everything else it

had like mirrors on the ceiling you did curtain uh it didn't have beaded curtain but it had like kind of gold fixtures everything was gold fixtures wow and and the whole room was carpeted walls roof everything wasn't like shag carpet on the ceiling, and yet they were carpeted mirrors. And it was that mirror, you know, that had like the gold flecks in it? Oh, yeah. Real 70s porn stuff. Yeah. That is, how did it feel staying in there?

Disgusting. Okay, good. Yeah, it felt disgusting. It was right next to the hot tub room. So. Sorry. There was like a, for the whole. It was right next to the hot tub room. So, uh, sorry. Uh,

there was like a, for the whole, for the whole, yes. Not your private. And, uh, people,

uh, for sure were having sex in there. I heard there were so many people having sex in there. And there was a sign that said not to have sex in the, but it was the Cardinal rule. Would you ever put some shoes in the hot tub and let them bonk around the jets really catch a hold of them and then ow getting a stiletto in the rear getting the stiletto in your keister so was it hard to go from this nice apartment to back to reg your own apartment a little bit i, it was nice because it was not Halifax. Like we were there for so long

and our whole life is in like a three block radius because you're like where you're staying is like two blocks away from where you work. And then the McDonald's is one block away on the other side. So there was no, it was very comforting for a long time. And then for like the last like month,

I like started feeling really cagey, you know, so it's nice to leave because of that. But my apartment is, um, I don't, when I, because I've been like going back and forth so much and going to visit my family in Hamilton, I've like not really even fully moved into my apartment here. Oh, okay. And so I have one corner where I've kept every cardboard box that hasn't been involved in the move. Like from the, I got like an ND mattress. So it like comes in a box and Ikea furniture and stuff. And I have this pile of cardboard and my plan is to build a fort in one whole corner.

Okay. And then Airbnb it. Airbnb the fort. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I like that a lot. So,

uh, but I haven't done it yet cause I haven't figured out whether or not girls should be allowed. Right. Yeah. Well, parents for sure are not allowed. Yeah.

Definitely. Definitely. But then if they're staying there, am I the parent? Hmm. Like, do I have to yell at them? No,

you're the landlord. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Girls. I mean, they're nothing but trouble. Yeah. And parents just don't understand. That's true.

Have you, you haven't opened this mattress? Oh, no, I have opened the mattress. I just haven't. It's a big, it's like a pretty big box and it's not, not too big to dispose of, but too big that it seems wasteful to throw away. So I don't. The box. The box. it's true when you get like a real like a real juicy box you're like it feels bad just taking this apart

like and it's also like difficult yeah like you need box cutters yeah and i the guy who was supposed to deliver me my box cutters ended up hijacking a plane yeah yeah what this guy who boarded a plane with some box cutters, and he was supposed to fly over to me and bring me some. He got it in his mind. You should take down these two towers.

Ay yi yi. Did you put that in special instructions? On the order? I guess I might have. I should have, but don't. Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah don't 9-11 the uh but like yeah i could uh i i'm i'm i understand that having like uh even if you don't use the box for anything you're just kind of like ah feels yeah yeah like somebody but you know what if you put it outside maybe some some kid will climb into it and they'll enjoy it.

That is true. Yeah, it's a really good point. I just bought some patio furniture and it was like on the Canadian Tire website. I visited it in store. No. And I was like, hmm, let me just see what I can do about this website. And I was like, I can't fit this in my car. I guess I got to have it delivered.

And I didn't realize that I was buying disassembled furniture. So it came in a box and I had to assemble it all. I was like, oh, I could have probably fit it in my car. Yeah. But now I have this giant box. And it's like it's going to be weeks of you know carving off bits and recycling them have you started the process yet i mean i'm well i've started letting the rain kind of do some of the work yeah yeah yeah soften it up yeah um so your uh your album that we plugged off the top. Yeah. Juno nominated.

Yeah. Which, uh, for the American listeners is like, it's like a Grammy. It's the same, same field. Mm-hmm. Excellence in audio recording. Yeah. Yeah. Except that the comedy category does not have the respect, uh, a Grammy would, I think.

Really? Why? Why? What, did you feel like, uh, like you were at the kids' table at the Junos? Yeah. I mean, everybody was very nice, but during the night, there are so many awards. For one, it's on the night where it's not even televised.

It's just streamed on some website. Pornhub. Why did we sign a deal with them? They've got great streaming software. They've got this great sharing function that I use all the time. Canadian vids are really popular right now. Oh, have you ever thought of it? I should search Canadian and see if I know the people. You know what?

I think, like, today is Canadian Film Day, so we should all stream some Canadian porn. But, yeah, like, so throughout the night. Sorry. Oh, sorry. Oh, sorry about that. Do you mind? Oh, no, Sorry about that. Do you mind?

Oh no, go right ahead. Um, but yeah, it was like throughout the night, there was like so many awards and every single, obviously they're like popular awards, like the rock album of the year. And people like people go crazy for all the nominees that get announced and

stuff. And then even just when the title comes up, that's the award that's happening people cheer and then for comedy literally nobody in this whole giant room full of people nobody clapped except for our table i love it i love it it was like and i don't think it was like a mean thing. I think it was literally everybody in the room going, huh? Yeah. Like it's like the record scratch. Yeah,

exactly. Wow. And then, uh, Dave Maraj one. And, uh, like we,

it was like, right. Uh, and we, not, well, we didn't boo we should have booed yeah that would have been the funniest yeah um no we all we all were very supportive like it was exciting when he it was like it felt like a defiant thing of like because none of them had clapped and it's like oh we're gonna go extra crazy for this you know like right so it's like, Oh, we're going to go extra crazy for this, you know? Like, so it was like, it was, it was just cool to see, uh,

who else was nominated? Uh, Shanti, Marostica, uh, uh, Pat Thornton. Yeah.

I never, is there an N in there? Is it Thornton? Thornton? Probably Thornton. Thornton? Yeah. Uh,

I know his album is called chicken and it's really funny, but, um, and then, uh, his dog's also called chicken. Yes. That's what it says on the cover. I know. Yeah. Um Chicken and it's really funny. But, and then. His dog's also called Chicken. Yes. That's what it's named after.

That's just on the cover. I know. Yeah. And then, oh man. Debra DiGiovanni. Debra DiGiovanni. Oh. A lot of past guests.

Yeah. Yeah. And future guests. Yeah. Well, you. Shandim Rostica might be on one day. Yeah, why not? So you guys went, like, when they announced the winner, did people applaud then?

Yeah, some. Or were people like, this is bathroom break time. It was really, like, very tepid. Like, it was not nobody clapped, but, like, for the amount of people in the room, nobody clapped. You know what I mean? Like, he went up and he did a speech, and it was still just us pretty much and then a couple people just politely like like it was very it was very there was like an air of confusion and disinterest and it was like we don't know but we also aren't gonna try to understand i wonder what the next least popular

category is to come because in the in the grammys there's way more categories that they don't air on tv yeah like really and like there's books on tape and things like that like and there's uh what's her name uh tia carrera has like two or three grammys because she's put out hawaiian albums and there's a hawaiian there's a hawaiian category meanwhile eminem is like you think i give a damn about a grammy but like uh forever i don't think that it's a category anymore uh was the polka album and it was dominated by these two guys one was canadian and one was american yeah and there was they would just one year one guy would win it. The next year, the other guy would win it. Frankie Yankovic from America and Walter Ostenek from Canada. That's right.

What? Are those the real names? Those are the real names, yeah. How do you know that? Because it's a part of our heritage. Speaking of bulk, the other day my mother, she says that every couple weeks she meets up with her friend and they go to the food court that's a nice activity

her friend Pam yeah and I said where do you go where does Pam go well Pam goes to the Vietnamese place and I go to the Greek place

oompa pa she meant opa yeah no no oompa pa it's a Greek German infusion yeah She meant Opa. Yeah. No, no, Oompa. It's a Greek-German fusion. Yeah, it's some Polish sausages. But was it like... Because it's not televised.

What is that night like? Is it hosted by the same person that hosts the TV one or no? No, no. it was hosted by um ah man i forget his name and what he's from but he's from some is billy talent canadian yeah canadian i think he's from billy talent okay and uh he was a lot of people commented that he he they found him very annoying on the stream like Like a lot of comedians that watched him. Oh, it wasn't like a live commented thing? I didn't read those.

I just saw on some posts about the Junos, some comedians were very angry. But he kept making the same joke over and over again. I forget what it was. He figures, this isn't televised. They can just keep telling the same joke. What was the joke? I don't remember. It was kind of one of those things.

I don't know. It's such a long night. Ours was pretty early on. And then once ours was gone, it was just kind of. I mean, I'm criticizing them for being disinterested, but I could not have cared less about the rest of that night. Who won best Hawaiian album? It was Tia Carrera.

Is that what it was? Heavy favorite, Tia Carrera. I feel like you asked a question question i don't remember what it was no who hosted the big show uh um sarah mclaughlin sarah mclaughlin oh boy yeah sarah mclaughlin pulling out a handgun and then the big act was uh cory hart and he was being uh inducted into the canadian music hall of fame. Yes. And I found out that night that my mom loves Corey heart.

I didn't know that, but I like got my mom tickets. Uh, so we're there and he got like presented the award and my mom went crazy and was telling me how much he loved him. And she's like, I hope he sings a song. And I knew that he was going to sing a song. Cause someone said that was a part of like, told me that, you know, and I think it was a known thing, but we're telling all the comedy nominees,

what Corey Hart is doing. So, and then my mom's like, I hope he does a song. And I was like, I don't think he's going to, I did that little one. And then he didn't right after the award,

it came later. So like for like a good hour, my mom was like, so disappointed. She's like, Oh, I wish. And then she went crazy when he came back out.

It was a very like fun prank to pull. Yeah. Yeah. That's a very wholesome prank. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I have a version of that that's not wholesome at all.

It sort of is because it ends with it's good. What's that? One time I went to Canada Wonderland with my step-grandma. Sort of like my grandpa's girlfriend. Hubba hubba. Yeah. And she was very mean to my sisters and I all the time. Hubba hubba.

Evil stepmother. Stepgrandmother. Yeah. So we went on the new roller coaster that doesn't have like a shoulder harness it just has like that pod that goes on your dick yeah it just went on my step grandma's dick and uh she as it went on she was like ahead of us and she was trying to turn around but she couldn't really she's like she was sitting in the front uh and she's, is there a, like, is there a harness, like a shoulder?

And I said, oh yeah, like there isn't one. And I said, yeah, it'll come out automatically as we're going up. Corey Hart's going to bring it out for you. And then as we start going up, she's like, it hasn't come yet. And we're like, yours isn't on. And it was the most terrified I've ever seen like as she was going over the top she thought for sure she was gonna fly out and she didn't so the way she wanted to go yeah how long ago was this this this was when i was in high school it was like i don't know uh

i don't even know how long that is eight Eight years ago now? Something like that. Oh, yeah. I remember I was in high school eight years ago, too. Yeah. You were arrested shortly there. Wow. I can't imagine grandparents having girlfriends, let alone going on roller coasters. They feel so young. Yeah, that's true. yeah that's true i've uh i've like i don't think i ever went to an amusement park with my grandparents that seems like it'd be a non-starter my grandpa didn't come he was

fairly old my my step-grandma was also very old but she was like very uh she was my also my substitute gym teacher so that's another reason i didn't really like her is that she was meat like in class she was like i'm gonna whistle at you yeah yeah throw one of those utility balls yeah yeah so uh she was like very what were the things you're like, what I'm trying to think of ways in which, uh, gym teachers were cruel and they were, they were, they were, they got away with a lot more. Universally almost. Yeah. I feel like homophobia was allowed in gym class a lot longer than everywhere else.

And it also, there was like a lot of singling out. It was like, let's everybody watch this person try to do something that we know that they can't do yeah climb a rope do a chin up push up or whatever let's all gather around yeah for sure that's like destroyed people's relationship with fitness forever yeah well i know very weird like grade nine gym class because my gym teacher very clearly wanted to be accepted by like the popular kids, like the kids that he deemed were cool. Healthy. Yeah. Yeah. And this like weird dynamic formed where he was trying so hard to impress them that they were like, no. he was trying so hard to impress them that they were like, no.

And then the other kids aren't, aren't going to give him any respect because he like was kind of disrespectful to us in certain ways, like would clearly favor them. So nobody in the class liked him. And then we all, the popular kids and unpopular kids in gym class would kind of just unite to kind of just be assholes to this gym teacher. I think that's, that's really good yeah

that is good and he would lose his mind so much in class and he'd get really red in the face and then at the end of the year he said for our last class we can watch a movie and the movie he picked was falling down with michael douglas about a man who gets bullied a lot and snaps and goes on a killing spree. And I remember he just like kind of sat at the front of the class watching the movie and then looking at us like this. Are you watching? Are you learning? Giving himself a buzz cut. Yeah.

I love, I just love the idea of a gym teacher gambling on the fact like, I gotta get these cool kids to like me. If they like me, everybody else falls in line. And then I heard that he was seen at bars hitting on high school girls. There it is. That's what I heard, and I

don't know for sure. Oh, well, okay. Well, I mean, we cannot litigate this unnamed gym teacher. But if anyone goes back through Mace's permanent record, finds this gym teacher's name, well, then he's in trouble. But also, like, did you ever have a gym teacher who was, like, very out of shape? No. Because I did. I had multiple gym teachers who were like, were like go run this lap and i was

like you couldn't you couldn't do it if you had to so it was very like like he was like a dictator at that point you know yeah that's such a good point like i can um like hitler being like everyone should be blonde you're not blonde you'll be blonde i might be oversimplifying it but no but it's like i just remember this one gym teacher that like it didn't look it didn't look like he had fallen out of shape he looked like he had never been in shape yeah and he he was the nastiest of all the gym teachers he would like single people out and uh you know like he really he hated the the weaklings amongst us but i think it was because we reminded him of himself oh yeah well i mean i guess there are probably good gym teachers out there, but it's got to be a weird career choice.

Yeah. There were definitely like, I think maybe the like worst it got was calling everyone a bunch of fairies. Yeah. Or like addressing all the boys like routinely as ladies. Yeah. That was a go to. Oh, yeah. like routinely as ladies yeah that was a go-to oh yeah and then there was one i had one gym teacher who he thought i was so funny that he wouldn't make me do laps so i just got to stand next to

him and make fun of others what yeah it was great your grand was like the jester yeah yeah yeah you're the assistant gym teacher yeah like he just, I must have said something at some point, and this guy was like, I want him on my side. Wow. Yeah, so I never had to run laps. What would you say if Dave and I were running laps? You know what? I'm just going to run some laps right now.

Dave's running with his arms in the air. He's also got a very strange expression I'm so tired what would you say to that I would say it looks like he's running in something to raise money for a condition that he has oh that's good.

Yeah, I'm... I love you, bye-bye. I suffer from chronic flailing. All right, guys, I'm feeling a little bit better. Oh, good. That's great.

I want to thank the people at Canada Dry. Oh, man. I'm not going to have... I mean, knock on wood, I'm not going to barf. I'm not going to barf in this app.

It's a good ad for Canada Dry. You're not going to barf. It's not a bad tagline. And now that we've moved into the realm where there's the Pepto-Bismol ads with nausea, heartburn, indigestion, obstetrics, diarrhea. Is that Pepto-Bismol? Yeah. You sure?

Oh, buddy. It's their own pink in the commercial. Oh, really? Okay. I only remember the country music version. They got like kind of an NSYNC version the commercial. Oh, really? Okay. I only remember the country music version one. They got kind of an NSYNC version on. Oh, yeah, that's right. And I feel like once they put diarrhea in a jingle,

like, everything's on. I mean, it goes everywhere. There was the one with the guy in the hot tub oh yeah for a modium that was for a modium modium yeah it's got to be tough like you know like uh you if you work for that company you probably get paid well to be the uh media liaison or whatever but you are working for it like your whole day everything that you do is like it's good do it dealing with shit like it's every everything like if you're like sales are great then that just means more people are having problems down there yeah like yeah yeah that's a good point yeah yeah they like how do we make it clear to these people that we are going to not, they're not going to leak that much.

That's a whole. Yeah. And they're like, if one, if they mentioned diarrhea in one commercial, think of how many they don't. That's true. Like how many diarrhea pitches just get thrown out. No, we already, we do one diarrhea mention a year. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then,

it's in every pitch that Subway does and they're like, look, it's not seen as a bonus. We're not that company. Did you hate gym class growing up?

Yeah, yeah. I stopped doing it as soon as I could in like the last year. I went to a school, I went to like a could in like the last year i went to a school i went to like a private school for the last like three years of high school and so we had to wear like a uniform and really yeah that like very annoying but uh well you know what i kind of like it was kind of annoying because they would like there would be one day a week that you had

to wear number one dress so which is like the button up with the tie. And I, it was always Friday, but I'd always forget. And so it's usually casual Friday. Yeah. Yeah. And so I would,

it was annoying on those days because they would have chapel, which, and even though it wasn't supposed to be religious, like that's why they call it chapel. Like it was non-denominational. It's like, there's a giant cross behind us. Right.

And, uh, but they would, uh, like I would always get in trouble. And so I wouldn't be allowed to stand down in the area where they do it. I have to stand in like the catwalk around the gym, which was fine with me.

I just, it was just annoying having to have the same like discussion every single week of like you know you're supposed to be like well you call it anyways that was annoying but i liked the regular dress because it's just like loose like cozy like it felt like pajamas what was the regular dress yeah like just kind of um like slacks with a like a cottony polo shirt oh okay yeah so nothing like so the only on the one day would you have to wear the tie and the jacket? Yeah.

Yeah. Because that to me, that, I don't know. You didn't go to a private. No. No. I actually just, that school just wrote an article about me in their magazine that they send out to parents. Oh. And the headline that they chose on the first page of this article spread is just a big picture of my face.

And it says, the least funny person in the room? Question mark. What are they? Is this some sort of expose they're trying to create and then like in very small letters at the bottom of the page it says hardly may scaloni like they're trying to do like a twist but it's the setup is so big yeah yeah he's hardly i mean on a given day he might be. But do you ever dream of that happening when you were a youngster? That someday the school newsletter will report on me as being the least funny person. I mean, I know how I'm going to describe you in this episode's write-up. Yeah.

Are you on your high school's Wikipedia under notable alumni? No, I'm not. But I did just get a Wikipedia page. Ooh. Because of the, like, I think they make them for the Juno people, I guess. Oh, okay. And so I kind of want to, if anybody wants to go edit it and add whatever details to my life, you feel like feel free.

Oh, fun. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be a fun. It's I've never, have I, I had an account.

I don't have. Oh, you have you. Oh yeah. I get it. I've edited pages. Have you? Yeah.

On what? This drummer named Tony Maxwell. I just thought it was, I knew all this stuff about it. He was in this band called That Dog. And he was in a bunch of Spike Jonze music videos and movies. Okay. In tiny, tiny roles. And I thought that was really interesting.

And so I put that on his Wikipedia. So you helpfully edited. Oh, yeah. I'm not an agent of chaos. What did you do? No, I don't think I ever have. Do you have a Wikipedia page? No.

No, me neither. No. A friend of mine tried to set one up for me but there's all sorts of hurdles to setting one up because i think they don't want everybody in the world creating wikipedia pages for themselves which fair enough yeah yeah i don't know what the process is i don't know any of that stuff i don't know how to be verified i don't know any of that stuff i also have no idea and i don't know what the purpose is like i feel like uh because ivan told me once that it's like uh you you have to

like show that someone is trying to make like a fake account of you or something so i guess a lot of comics will just make that fake account and then submit both and be like see you need to verify one but no one is trying to verify the fake one. Yeah. I like this one better. Don't shoot the robot. I, uh, I, like I sent a message on,

uh, Instagram. Cause like, I don't have, uh, Graham Clark, but Graham, somebody's just sitting on Graham Clark.

They never posted anything. So I sent this week, I sent a message being like, sell me. Because you can't just, apparently, you can't report to Instagram. They won't take down somebody's unused account. Wow. Unless you've got a trademark or something, and it's like Pepsi or whatever. Then you could, but otherwise, they won't. But you can get the account from the owner.

Wow, just like a private backroom Instagram deal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm going to insist that we do it in some backroom somewhere. How much are you willing to pay? Not very much. But like more than the zero he's currently making with it. So, you know, what do if he says 500 nah too much uh you know what i go as high as 150 and then us

yeah okay 150 us that's all dave do you own it? I own it who's the little girl that's in the profile picture? oh uh Mary Kate Olsen I thought you looked familiar she looks a lot like Ashley Sophie's mom did one of the funniest like things she found out that her name was taken

on Twitter when she made a Toby Rosenblum. So then you can have your name different from your handle. So they took Toby Rosenblum, but their name was Toby Top Boy for some reason. So she made hers Toby Top Girl and then tried to mimic his profile picture just to mock this guy that she doesn't know. And she didn't tell us about it. She just did this on her own. I like anything that's like a long-term prank that's mostly done out of spite. It's very satisfying to hear about.

That's what this podcast is. Yep. Somebody said that we would never do it. Yeah, for 11 years we've been kind of pranking them. Yeah, and you know what? Feels great. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Well, I keep touching Mace's feet under the table. No, it's really nice. So this past week I bought a new laptop computer

ooh it's not this one because I my this one is five years old and I was like happy birthday

to laptop and I was like ah I'd kind of like for the first time in my life to get a new computer while my old computer is functioning.

So that they could talk to each other. Well, just so. Pass on some knowledge. Mentor. Just so I don't have that like one day when I'm like, I don't have a computer. Oh, yeah. That's a, I've had that with phones a lot. Yeah.

Where I've had like a couple of days with no phone. It's great. My best time. I'd say in my adult life, I've owned four computers. Right. And maybe five. And like every five years or so, I need a new one. And I'm blown away by how not better this new one is than my old one.

It costs more. Yeah. It doesn't hold anymore. It costs more. Yeah. It doesn't hold anymore. It doesn't seem to be any faster. It's got less holes in it. It definitely has less holes in it. The one thing it's got going for it is I can update the software on it and not worry for like a year.

Yeah. That's nice. But how old's your computer that you currently have? Well, I just bought a new one. Cause when we started at 22, my laptop was like, I had to,

it worked fine, except for that. The screen would like on its own, do this weird line pattern. Everything would freeze. And so we do that on its own. You weren't doing that on purpose. I did keep Googling weird line patterns screensavers um but uh it would just so i had to like prop it up with my hand if for some reason if i squeezed the back it would so i wrote for

the first like two months there like this and then finally bought a real one so it's new this year but same it doesn't do anything except for that I don't have to touch it all the time. Yeah. Yeah. Yours was broken. Yeah. You at one point said it worked fine, except for this. This one's got a real wobbly screen, this old one. Oh yeah. So yeah.

So the, the basically like I never updated anything on my computers cause I'm like, well, I don't need it to do new stuff. I need it to do the things I need to do. Yeah. Yeah. I think it was when I started needing a computer for work that computers stopped being fun and exciting. Yeah. But it's like, uh, they, there was like a certain threshold.

I think computers and phones and everything hit where now there's nothing they can do. That'll blow your ass out of the water like you know there was a point like when i just when a laptop first came out that had all this cool stuff in it you were like holy shit and now what can it do but like even when i edit the podcast on the new computer and i go to output it it doesn't come out faster. Like it still takes like, you know, a few minutes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The last like really exciting thing I remember on my laptop was like when I first got the one in like a laptop in high school, it had that function where like the webcam thing,

the photo booth where you had all these effects. And one of them was you could take a video as if you're on a roller coaster. And it like sort of made, but it was always very splotchy. So it looked like you were like on a roller coaster and being deteriorated by radioactive energy at the same time. What I will tell you is that, uh, like, cause your phone now like Snapchat and Instagram have all these filters on it. The photo booth still has the same old dumb filters.

Like, give me new things. I bought a new computer. You can, like, update anything. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me something new. Like, yeah, there's nothing that it does that's, like... No, no. I mean, I could have spent another $600

and got a little, like... There's a thing on the top of the keyboard where like oh yeah there's like a little mini narrow screen it's like a touch pad yeah you can use to like select things oh also i'm i'm i i am handcuffed to apple products and so i have five choices not even yeah because they, because a friend of mine had bought a new laptop and it's one of those where the screen becomes a tablet

and I was like, oh, that seems pretty cool. That seems like a fresh new function. But Apple's like, nah, people don't want that. They want less holes. Also, it's like two days old and it's already covered in fingerprints. Yeah. I don't get, like, I fortunately have a TV to watch things, to stream things on.

I don't get how people can watch things on their laptops. I did it last night. It was gross. But you know what? Why was it gross? Because there's just smudges all over the place. And the smudges are all rainbow-y, like gasoline spilled in an alleyway. Mostly because I deal with a lot of gasoline in my life.

But your laptop is not a touchscreen? No. So then why is there fingerprints on it? Yeah, that's a very good question. I'd like to answer it with another question. How dare you? question but also like i'd like to answer it with another question how dare you but like if you close your laptop the screen has like a little has the little outlines of the keys from the keyboard yeah and maybe i'm just hopeful that it will be a touch screen this time or if you get a little like

you know smudge or something you know a little feather lands on your screen you have to brush it away with your fingers. I just take a larger feather and chase it away. Tickle it away. He just buys a new laptop. That's the feather. Yeah. Um,

so yeah, I got a new laptop. Uh, my life is not better. Uh, and, oh, when I was editing, uh,

the Phil Hanley episode this week, uh, I, I just, there was something that was very funny in it that I missed when we were, I missed in the moment, but when I was editing it, it made me laugh out loud. we were talking about Jewel, the singer Jewel, and I was trying to find one of her poems to read in the episode, and I was complaining that all her poems are so long, I just want to read a short poem, and he said, yeah, I think they're all pretty long. I don't think any are like,

a sandwich, what an idea. Like that is a poem so Graham I don't think you get enough credit for being funny I want to give you the judo award for best

if you would applaud best if it were thank you we'll broadcast this on Pornhub yeah we already do yeah yeah yeah

we actually apply one of these filters on it so it looks like we're having sex on a rollercoaster it's my fetish yeah if that's somebody's fetish it's just those particular filters now we're doing it on the moon are there any loose shoes rattling around what's going on with you um uh so the uh house right next door to mine

uh with zero warning was demolished uh what do you mean zero warning well like usually uh they have to put up a sign saying it's being redeveloped or yeah or they put up one of those industrial fences around it just something that gives you a sense that like within the next while this will be demolished it literally like I was just sitting in my kitchen typing and then all of a sudden, in my kitchen. Ooh, girl. Sorry. I got to do it. If you want me to sing aeroplane,

I'll sing it. But like, uh, just all of a sudden, just the sound of like the apocalypse just out of nowhere. And so I, uh, I ran to,

I threw open the sash. To see what was the matter. And yeah, it was just the house next door was just getting destroyed. With a backhoe? Is that what it's called? I guess so. Claw guy? A claw man.

Sure. They didn't use a wrecking ball? No. Or a big magnet? Explosives. Yeah, they didn't use a wrecking ball? No. Or a big magnet? Explosives. Yeah, they didn't implode it? And they, it was gone so fast. Like, I think it took.

But the memories live on. That's true. I wish I'd taken more pictures. I think it took under two hours to just like demo the whole thing. And it was just like a pile of splinters. Like it just, and then very quickly, everyone in the neighborhood ran to their basement and whatnot to find things that they wanted to throw out. Oh, yeah. Threw them on the pile. Yeah, threw them on the pile. Someone they wanted to throw out. Oh, yeah. Threw them on the pile.

Yeah, threw them on the pile. Someone else would take them away. Oh, man. Yeah, so it became a real community endeavor to get rid of it. Get rid of it. Like, within an hour of them leaving the site, it was just, oh, mattresses were piled on there. Smart. Yeah, it was great.

Is there, like, a code of ethics around that. Yeah, it was great. Is there like a, like a code of ethics around that? Yeah, probably. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

like if one of your neighbors just has like a sack that looks suspiciously like a body, are you have, do you have to be like, we're all in this together?

No tattling. You, if, well, if you poke it and it's definitely a body, then you are an accessory. Yeah.

If you're just like, well, it's just a sack. Could have anything in it. You poke it, you broke it. So, uh,

yeah. So did you throw anything in the pile? I did. What did you do? Get rid of some of these big mattress boxes. I had, uh, some stuff like that,

uh, that I had acquired through... A fence. Yeah. When I moved into this place, but I have no desire to move them again, there's some weights and things like that. Weights went in the pile real quick. A shot put, a javelin.

And it was hard because I only had the one hand so i had to like when's that hand getting fixed i don't know but it was like does it feel any better yeah it feels a lot better okay but it's uh that night i was literally one weight at a time how many weights did you own um it was the individual weights that you put on the bar and how many are on that well there was i'd say there was at least 20 and when in your history of using those weights yeah how how's the incremental like going from 5 to 30 pounds or whatever how's that been uh great i managed to lift them all yeah i guess so yeah um it was uh yeah it was really funny how many people got in on this score.

That's why they got to put up a fence normally. Yeah, no kidding. Because I would still be disposing of garbage over there to this day. Because, yeah, so then they did put up a fence. And they've started construction. Wow, that's fast. Oh, man. And it is the fucking worst.

It's going to be a year of that. Yeah. Although, it's almost, like, I would say it's almost half done. This happened this week. This happened two and a half weeks ago, the destruction of it. Okay. But, like looks it already looks like a house like they've already put up all the cement uh whatever foundation yeah

foundation yeah cement basement yeah and then they put up wood stuff framing yep thank you and uh pretty soon i assume they'll put up you Have they put a roof on it? Not yet. But that's, that can't be far off. Yeah, they'll need it before the summer. Keep bugs out. But it's just being next to it all day is, it makes you feel insane. Yeah. In Halifax, where they put us up, they were building a gym right beside us. So like every morning I woke up to construction for like the whole seven

months. Like it literally, it was like, they were, I don't know what they were doing, but it sounded like they were sanding the window. That's my best guess. They bought windows.

They were too thick. They had to sand it down. Yeah. I, uh, I've lived in places where yeah within like six months of living there construction started on something and then that just becomes like the aesthetic of where you live it's just like construction zone but this is right next door it's like i can hear everybody's conversations

and uh and it's just like somebody as far as i can tell somebody's just wandering around with a uh nail gun because it doesn't seem to have like a standard number of nails that he does in any one place so it's just like one then seven then two so he's just wandering around well it looks like it could use an extra nail in it He's just wandering around. Well, it looks like it could use an extra nail in it. I've never used a nail gun. Me neither.

I'm a big hammer guy. I love hammering nails. Yeah. But have you ever seen the nails on the piece of paper thing? Oh, like Rambo? Yeah. Very satisfying. The nails on the piece of paper thing. Yeah.

So it like feeds into it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the ammo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The ammo piece of paper thing. Yeah. So they like feeds into it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like the ammo. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. The ammo nails. The gun. Yeah. What do they call the bullets that Rambo wears? Uh, well it's like, that's a bandolier.

A bandolier. Yeah. A bandolier of nails. Um, but yeah, like I've never used a nail gun either. They sound incredibly satisfying. Yeah.

But you know, you're just one mistake away from a big hole in your leg or your laptop or your laptop sure that's how you got all those stripes i my my parents like built a house uh like last year like it took about like two years i think to and it's it's like right beside the house we grew up in that my sister bought. So when I go back to Hamilton, that's the house I stay at. And then I got roped into helping them with some things, like building a house.

And it's like, they're not qualified to do it. When you say they're building a house, they're building, they're building a house. Well, my stepdad like puts in garage doors. So he's been in the construction world and I guess he has a lot of friends that help. my stepdad puts in garage doors. So he's been in the construction world. And I guess he has a lot of friends that help. So the house is mostly garage doors. Yeah, the house is all garage doors.

You can get out of the house from any floor. There's just so many buttons. You just remember which is which is the problem. Your parents walk into your room. Hey, don't you knock but uh they what they had me do at one point like pretty much it looked like a house like you said like it was very house like it had a roof and everything but they had me standing outside the basement window like that little tiny window and then, a friend of the family would, uh, hand me buckets of stones and clay that he had put in there by hand.

And then I'd have to take this and dump it and then hand the bucket back. And it just felt very off the books. Yeah. It felt like there was something they were supposed to do before they built the house around that swamp and they're just like oh crap we have a swamp in our basement yeah because there was some there was a day where it was just rocks they were just putting in rocks oh yeah yeah yeah oh yeah construction around me and there was just like a conveyor belt of rocks yeah conveyor belt of rocks so Yeah, conveyor belt of rocks. So there was definitely a day of just like rocks.

Just rocks. Yeah, they had already put in the cement of the foundation and then they were just shooting rocks into it. Yeah. But I don't, I like for the life of me, I'm like, does something go over top of the rocks? Are the rocks just there to weight things down? Is this their collection of rocks?

Is there a little japanese garden inside um yeah so it's uh it's it's like it's going a lot faster than i thought it would also the crew i will never get tired of seeing the different types of construction crews that Vancouver has. It's like if you see a big condominium going up, everybody's wearing high-vis vests and construction helmets. A lot of these houses, guys wearing khakis, wearing a polo shirt. They're wearing your not-formal day school uniform. They're not building a chapel. No, that's right. Yeah. Yeah. School uniform. They're not, they're not building a chapel. No, that's right.

That's true. But you know, no, no hard hat anywhere, you know, no gloves. And that's why I mean, like,

I, I think I literally saw the guy like swinging the, uh, nail gun. Oh, sure. Spinning it on his finger. Uh, I heard a story recently someone told me their

friend got a job at some construction site and because so many people apply and they like need people around to do random jobs he just didn't check in with the foreman and he just took a fort like a two by four and would walk around the entire perimeter carrying this one piece of wood all day and no one told him to do anything else wow yeah did he get paid like yeah he was in the system like god he just was like if i just want if i just look like a mid-job but that seems worse than doing actual work you know what i mean yeah really i get pretty bored of that yeah and it would be constant you'd be constantly moving whereas i feel like with construction maybe there's some

some sit around yeah that's true you sit on that beam eat lunch we set up the beam yet i'm starving yeah yeah where's the lunch beam today i guess it moves around yeah oh yeah on the crane it has to yeah yeah yeah but yeah the um uh so that's something that i guess i'll be putting up with through the summer as long as it's only when the saws come out that's when that's when it's bad because there's no rhythm to a saw it's just it could go on for you know It's a screeching sound. Yeah, it's a loud screeching sound. Like, you know, nail gun is just foo-foo-foo. Yeah, yeah. You kind of get used to it, but yeah. No good. Yeah.

Yeah, but you know what? I wish them all the best. Yeah, I hope it's up to code. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's one that like, it went up super fast, but it has been empty for like a better part of a year. On my old block, there was one that went up. It's like. Oh, that one that was right on the corner. Right on the corner.

It's been going up for five years and it's not a new house. It's a renovation of an old one. Yeah. Oh, wow. And it's still there. It's still unoccupied. Yeah. Yeah. oh wow and it's still there it's still unoccupied yeah i know someone who bought it and then like

the the uh the contract lapsed and really yeah oh wow yeah it's this crazy big house that just like was like you literally could give people directions be like go go to the take a right at the You're like, go to the, take a right at the unfinished house. Like a house has been knocked down next to it and like been completely built in the meantime. That's right. Oh boy. Do we want to move on to a bit of business? Probably.

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Tough, but fair. Subscribe to the podcast today. Judge John Hodgman rules. That is all. the podcast today judge john hodgman rules that is all overheard overheards a segment in which we hear things out there in the world and then we come here in the smaller part of the world and we share what you overheard we always like to start with the guest mace are you ready i well i'm sort of ready i have uh overheards are just purely things you were not a part of not something said to you yeah it could be something

that was said to you if if you prefer okay okay uh well i because i would take your time with this yeah um i i was on uh uh it was something that was said to me that i still do not understand at all okay sounds great i i was on a uh plane and like just after we had gotten up in the air um the flight attendant came over to me and she very very politely uh like leaned down and like quietly said uh sir would you like us to have a wheelchair ready for you when we land? And then I was like, oh, no, no, thank you. And then she goes, are you sure? And I don't know what she thinks I thought in that.

Like, yeah, yeah, yeah. That she's more like I also she was the one that was standing at the front of the plane that I walked by to get on. Yeah, but she doesn't memorize faces. But you would think you would memorize who had the wheelchair. Yeah. Yeah. And you were skipping onto the plane. You were demonstrating great walkability.

Yeah, I do cartwheels every time. Yeah, yeah. Cartwheels every time. Yeah, yeah. Cartwheel right into your seat. That's right. But I like the idea that she thought I was like, I needed it, but I was like pretty confident this was the time. Yeah, you're too proud. I'll be fine. It's nothing to be embarrassed about, sir.

No, no. I think I'll be at this time. I think when I land, I will be healed. That's what flying does, right? We all become closer to God. And then he heals us. Visiting the clouds, right? Yeah, so is it just that she had a...

A manifest? Yeah, that said wheelchair passenger in this seat, and you had bullied a person out of their seat. Oh, well, I did wrestle that handicapped person. But I don't think that's related. Unrelated. Yeah. I like that.

Are you sure? Yeah. I would have taken it. Yeah. Yeah. Cool. Yeah. Like, will I get a, do I have to pilot it myself or will someone pilot it for me

i would also like somebody to pilot it for me give me a blanket of some sort you gotta get off last though they're never like all right everyone sit down we're bringing we got a wheelchair and the wheelchair guy's getting off first my uh my favorite thing that they'll sometimes do at the end of the flight is they'll be like well some people have connections so that you could let those people get off first nobody does no it was just like this mad i'm like are you all you're all making that connection um yeah uh flying really brings out the worst in everybody yeah uh i had that where it was like they said that like we were really late and so they asked if we could let the connection people go first but then there was a guy that was

taking a long time to get his bag so i knew i wasn't a connection person but i knew i could also slip out and oh sure i did it yeah i don't know i still don't know how they should have given you the connection yeah so skinny you can slip past the guy with a connection yeah yeah yeah give this guy the trip to This guy can fit through any crack. Dave, do you have an overhead? Mine's an overseen. I don't know if this is anything. Okay. Confidence.

In the building where I work, there are casting agencies, and so they have a lot of auditions there. A lot of couches. There are also... Well, no. Not that. No? It couches. There are also. Well, no. Not that. No, no. It's not a porny thing.

There's also like some theater workshops that happen. Okay. And this was a mixture of both. It was a sign up. Auditioning for Hallmark. You're probably going to be auditioning for Hallmark pretty often in your career. It's definitely worth taking the time to learn how to make those

auditions effective because once you start to crack the code, you'll have a great chance of finding yourself working for Hallmark pretty often as well. We'll work on natural performances and making choices in the scene that will be on-brand and interesting.

We'll work through common mistakes and knowing your strengths. Wow. What are the common mistakes you make when you audition for Hallmark? Act well. You act well. Yeah, you act well. You are somebody that I've heard of. I don't know. You're not Kathyathy gifford like i feel like she's

she lands a lot of them uh laurie laughlin laurie laughlin for sure maybe thinking that you're auditioning to be a card yeah yeah exactly i'm one of those singing cards open me up and uh you know anyway you want the way you need uh yeah i uh i watched a hallmark movie around christmas time was dean cain in it no but uh a guy who when i went to film school, the short film I directed, he was the lead in the short film, and he was the boyfriend in this Hallmark movie. Was it about a woman going back to her hometown? It very much was. And you'll be surprised to find out that she was an antique dealer.

Oh, from the city? Yeah. She made it in the big city as an antique dealer. Oh, from the city? Yeah. She made it in the big city as an antique dealer. Did she have to throw it all away to fall in love in her hometown? And become an antique dealer there, I guess? I don't know. So many of them are about an antique dealer. Oh, yeah.

Because I guess that's a fantasy that people have. I mean, yeah, refurbishing furniture. Yeah. Going to estate sales. My, like, I'm from a small town outside of Hamilton called Binbrook, and, like, I'm pretty sure everybody thinks they should be an antique dealer there.

Like, something about, because they all just acquire antiques anyways. Yeah. It's, but, like, what's the difference between an antique dealer and a storage wars person yes very much the competition yeah maybe the competition maybe the the lack of sleeves everywhere sure yeah yeah an antique dealer yeah they'll they'll refurbish a piece i mean the storage war they're just they're gonna refurbish a piece I mean the storage war they're just they're gonna defurbish

defurbish like it came refurbished they found it defurbished let someone else refurbish it oh boy I guess if it comes fully refurbished

anyways pre-furbished is another thing as well and we it's fun to play with language yeah yeah yeah um my overheard is from a couple who was i think uh one of them was uh renovating or or redecorating and uh the friend said oh do you need my help and she said yes i might need your visual eye ah yes yeah she was trying to sound fancy and did not stick the landing i like that that just heard showing that she knows other words yeah yeah yeah and instead of saying visual expertise she's like a visual or your i know it starts with an e uh your critical eye yeah your critical eye yeah i'll you know i'm making

dinner later i'm gonna need your eating mouth i'm to need your eyewitness news. At least she didn't say visual ear. Just lend me your. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, but at least visual ear, I would be like, well,

maybe that's an expression. Yeah. Maybe she's. Oh, it's like she's talking to daredevil. Yeah. Yeah. Daredevil.

Uh, famously the, uh, the blind superhero. Yes. I can see you with sonar Oh really I didn't know he had sonar He's got scenar

Yeah I've only seen the Ben Affleck one That's the main one Yeah When it rains The rain falls on Jennifer Garner's face And he can see it.

Oh, really? Yeah. He can. Because of all the sound as it's hitting her face. Oh, wow. And she's somehow not blinking as much as she should be. Like, she should be, like, doing this the whole time. But she looks beautiful.

She's trying to impress. She sounds beautiful. She sounds like she looks beautiful. And is that where they met? Yeah, I think so. Oh, that's nice um met on the set of daredevil and it's weird because he and jennifer lopez were benifer yeah but when he became a couple with jennifer garner no one was like oh they're like they wouldn't they called garnifleck that's where i get my insurance garnifleck i don't know if i can share another one yeah

i haven't overseen as well all right this is uh it better be funnier than my hallmark audition i hope oh man now i don't know but uh it. But it's latex gloves in this grocery store and they're called loving hands. Loving hands. I like that. Yeah. I'm going to need your visual eye and your loving hand. Loving hands. Yeah.

I mean, it's kind of, isn't it kind of the opposite? I would think so. Like you would want, because they look like medical. Although no glove, no love. Mm-hmm. like you would want if you're, cause they look like, although no glove,

no love. Yeah. I don't, I don't know what they're for that you would be in love with someone, but also need surgical gloves. Oh, if you were like, um, German.

Yeah. If you're German or if you're that one X-Men that acquires people's powers by touching them directly. Oh yeah. That's, that makes sense. Rogue. Yeah. I want to by touching them directly. Oh, yeah, that makes sense. Is that rogue? Yeah, it might be rogue.

I want to say that's rogue. Those are the two instances, German or rogue. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us from people all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And these are all from uh women they're all kids say the darndest oh boy it's you know this uh this is the first episode of may it's an all women month yeah on our show except our guests and uh i think probably one or two of my overheards but um uh this first one comes from erica from right here in vancouver or two of my overheards.

This first one comes from Erica from right here in Vancouver. Coming home from a weekend visit to the in-laws in Duncan, I overheard this conversation on the ferry. Dad, hanging up the phone, looks as if the other car got on, so we'll all be on the same boat. Five-year-old,

my disappointment has ended. Proceed. boat five-year-old my disappointment has ended proceed that is one of the darndest things i've ever heard a child say yeah my disappointment has ended super adorbs um and the fairy is a magical wonderland when you're a kid it And it's also a land of disappointment. Yeah. Because you can't smoke. And it often leaves without you. Yeah. Yeah.

And there's no... Is there an arcade on it still? I don't think so. Yeah. It used to be the real draw. There is an arcade. Oh, yeah? I think it's called the fun zone. Yeah.

All right. My disappointment has ended. My right. My disappointment has ended. My disappointed. My disappointment has ended. My visual eye. This next one comes from Miranda in Chicago, Illinois. I used to work for a woman who ran a small letterpress stationary company making handmade greeting cards. Cute.

Cute. It was in this old studio one day there was kids coming through uh to take a tour of it all the students were crammed inside while my boss talked about the business um there were students standing right behind me at my desk as my boss was describing all the different things we did by hand printing cards folding them pack them by hand when one kid behind me whispered to his friends wow they do a lot of hand jobs here loving hands oh yeah well there i mean boy oh boy how did i miss that um do you think that kid was making a joke no i don't know how old was the kid did it estimate an age what's the student just bottom age at which someone can make a joke make 12 11 huh oh like the earliest that you know it depends on how uh how many older siblings you have that really

accelerates your understanding of that genre of joke yeah because there was always one kid that would be yeah there would always be one kid that had he was kind of the the uh rosetta stone kid he would come in and he would show you sex Or sex words. Yeah, or like the middle finger and you're like, all right, yeah. No, I definitely remember, oh, yeah, maybe it was like a 10-year-old little brother had a real filthy vocabulary. Yeah. And like knowledge of all these things. Yeah, I remember a kid coming in to our,

I remember very clearly he had a like sexy, like novelty key chain. I thought you were going to say jujitsu. Yeah. And a sexy jujitsu outfit. But it was a novelty key chain of two people. Oh, nice.

And it fascinated us all. And, uh, what position? Uh, that's a good question front front to front but not missionary they were like they were they were cartoons so they were doing a position that i don't think humans could actually do right but uh but we definitely we all learned something that

day and that was from his older brother oh yeah yeah my mom recently like they went on a trip and they when they came back they brought a souvenir for my sister she got them like a wooden pipe that was hand carved and my mom thought it was a bird but it was like a joke for a second and then explained it to my mom and they were looking at it and then my mom was mortified and i'm just picturing my mom like crossing like at the customs like do you have anything to declare oh i bought a couple gifts for my kids yeah I have something to declare

this is awesome look at this it's a bird I also imagine someone at a Superman comic being like it's a bird

it's a plane nope nope both wrong it's a an amorous couple nope both wrong it's a glamorous couple this last one comes from

Holly F who is on vacation in Disneyland and we're standing in line for the Dumbo ride behind a

beleaguered mom and her four year old daughter the mom started digging around in her purse and pulled out a small hat

she said to her daughter you need to put this on you're getting sunburned the four year old daughter. The mom started digging around in her purse and pulled out a small hat. She said to her daughter, you need to put this on. You're getting sunburned. The four year old shoulder slumped and she shook her head while looking at the ground. I wasn't strong enough. Like her skin wasn't strong enough? Yeah, to withstand the sunburn. I get it. That's a great way to look at that yeah the first the first day of the year when you get a little sunburn oh man so everything's shot from then on yeah yeah yeah god you're gonna be peeling you can't you know your tan lines are stuck

that's right your tan lines have been decided yeah i wasn I didn't know I was going to have a redneck all summer, but I will. Yeah. Do you guys get really itchy in your bones when you get a sunburn? No, I don't really have that kind of nerve ending in my bones. You might want to talk to the doctor. A lot of you might be inside out. Well, it's this condition that I've Googled called hell itch. They call it, but nobody in my life believes that it exists.

They just go like, no, you're just weak. Hell itch. Huh? No, I, you know, I buy it. You know, you're the first. Thank you. Cause I used to have for a couple of years it went away but i used to get hives like you would get uh for you know an allergic reaction to the cold to the cold yeah like i would just get

it all over my hands like any any skin that was exposed to like really cold air i would just get hives and it came out of nowhere and then it it away. You just, you became immune to it? I guess. I don't know. It was really, yeah, really weird. When I would get athlete's foot, I would get literal flames coming out of my toes. Yeah. That's very common.

Yeah. They even do that in the ad. It's so common. Oh, yeah, yeah. Just spray it. Give it a little spray. With just water? No, tough actin' to an actin'.

Yeah. You don't want to put gas on it. Oh, boy, no, yeah. It's a grease fire. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey, Dave, Graham, wonderful guys. This is Matt from Spokane. I was at a punk show last night, and I was standing in line, and there was a guy coming up to everybody

in line, and he had a fishing net for some reason, and he was going up to everyone and just going, hey, you guys got any weed? I'll take it or hey you just throw it right in the net here and it was great off I go I mean there are worse ways of

kind of busking you got any loose loose of them? people don't seem to want to hand me weed but maybe they'll be fun to throw it into this net don't you think? People don't seem to want to hand me weed, but maybe they'll. It'd be fun to throw it into this net, don't you think?

And at a punk show, you know. Yeah. You got to have a new twist on panhandling. You can't just do a regular panhandle. Do you think he had the net first before the goal? Or did he want. Oh, yeah. Maybe he was like, I'm just not getting enough weed. I got to go to this. gotta go to rei cabela's yeah yeah see what they have um yeah i don't uh i don't see how it

would ever work talk to a salesman now what are you catching are you getting like uh fresh water how big are you going for it's gonna get doob Yeah, I'm looking for weed at a punk show. Yeah. I mean, I'm not going to limit it to punk. It could be a reggae show. Yeah. It could be a rock show. Even a country show.

But the thing is, I've got to catch weed. I'm guessing it was an item he found. Yeah. It was probably someone who was throwing out an old fishing net on a demolished house. And he caught it in an even bigger

fishing net. He was like, this is a more travel-friendly size. Next phone call. Hi, this is Claire in Philadelphia just doing my thing.

I just overheard two women talking on the street corner, and then one of them said, Oh, we really got to catch up. And the other one said, Yeah, I love you so much, and you look so beautiful. And then the first woman said,

Me? I look like a slapped ass. I look like a slapped ass. Yeah. Oh, man. That's going in the Rolodex. That's great. Holy shit, man. You look like a slapped ass. Yeah. Oh, man. That's going in the Rolodex. That's great. Holy shit, man. You look like a slapped ass.

That's what your gym teacher would say to you. Or you'd say to your gym teacher. This guy runs like a slapped ass. Oh, man. That's great. On the bus on the way here, a woman got on the bus and loudly complimented another woman on how beautiful she was. Oh. Yeah.

She's usually like, when the volume is that loud, you're like, here's a fight a-brewin'. But she's like, I just think your face is really beautiful. You got really nice skin and good bone, and your hair looks good. Were they strangers? Yeah. But this woman was like yelling at her. It's probably like, why are you on the bus? You're too beautiful for the bus.

Yes, yes. Someone should drive you. It is very, it is like an odd occurrence in this city. Anyways, maybe not different in other cities, but to see a very, very attractive person on transit. Yeah.

I, you know, it's kind of, it's like notable. That's why I stopped taking it. Not pretty enough or handsome enough. I'm too, too handsome is what I'm saying.

You look like an unslapped ass. Thank you. Yeah, that's true. Slap. Boy, that's good. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guest.

This is Amy calling in with an overheard from Texas. I am personal assistant and I took some things back to Target today from my boss. And I was at the customer service desk and I said, I back to Target today for my boss. And I was at the customer service desk and I said, I'm returning these things for my boss. Here's her receipt. They said, you know, oh, actually we can only do store credit for this. And I said, oh, let me ask

her. And the man at the customer service desk looked at the door, looked all around him, did a full 360 circle behind the desk and says, where is she? Thank you. That's a fun gag. Yeah, yeah. So what was the physics of it she said she left and then she said i'm gonna call i'm just gonna ask my boss and the guy who looked around yeah not like the woman meant she was gonna call her by yeah yeah yeah that is a good gig. Yeah, yeah. That's fun. You've got to have fun at Target. Absolutely.

I've only been to one in my life, but I had a lot of fun there. I'm going to one tomorrow. Ooh. Yeah. We ordered some curtains to the Target in Bellingham. Oh, nice day trip. Mm-hmm. Fun.

What's on the curtains? Pom-poms. Fun. I need some new curtains, because mine curtains? Uh, pom poms. Fun. I need some new curtains. Cause mine are like whatever they had when I moved in and they're like so dirty, like they're white and clearly visibly like dirt is accumulating in the stitching. Yeah. I'm like always paranoid about my pillows touching it.

Oh, Sophie gets that side. She chooses it, but I'm also happy about it. Yeah. Time for some new curtains. Go order some down in Bellingham. Yeah. Pick it up I'm also happy about it. Yeah, time for some new curtains. Order some down in Bellingham. Go pick it up. Make a day of it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. If I can get there by tomorrow, I'll pick them up. Can I have some of yours? No. There's no... I wish I never did this podcast. There's no wiggle room there.

They might accidentally throw in an extra curtain. You know what? If you can get me at Graham Clark, you can have them. Okay. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Mace, things you'd like to plug? Well, yeah. Check out my album.

It's called Awkwerder. And you could add me on Social media And Sophie Buttle has a podcast That I think will be out When this airs And I do that with her as an unofficial Co-host And she's the Sophie you've mentioned so many times through this show

Yes, she's the one She shares your bed Yes, the dirt curtain side Dirt curtain Dirt curtain boogie We learned that in school Well, thank you so much for being our guest Thank you so much for having me

And thank you all, you out there, for listening If you like the podcast, please tell a friend And come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.