Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 589 - Dan Werb

Episode Date: July 1, 2019

Writer Dan Werb returns to talk about his new book, City of Omens, big time basketball, and small time baseball.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 589 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who knows when to turn the air conditioning on. Mr. Dave Schumke. Yeah, always.

Yeah, always turn it on. It hasn't been a particularly warm summer so far. We're two days in. Warm enough. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, you know, I don't crank it. I don't want to in. Warm enough. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah,

I don't crank it. I don't want to feel my own body. No, no. I don't want to feel it. I don't want to smell it. I don't even want to be around it most of the time. I don't want to kiss it. I don't want to kiss my own body to practice in the mirror.

That is how you get good at kissing your other people's bodies. Well, you can kiss yourself in the mirror. That is how you get good at kissing your other people's bodies. Well, you can kiss yourself in the mirror. Yeah, that's how you get good. And you can kiss different parts of your body, your elbow. Yeah. Yeah. But to really work on your form, you need to use like a peach.

You have to do something, you know. Yeah. But then. A manicotti. I can't picture a manicotti. It's like, it's like an italian tube like if we're practicing on food yeah you're preparing for a partner who wastes away in the compost i mean dave we all do but like the peach do you then like how long do you wait after you

kiss it before you eat it oh i just kiss it and then put it back in the produce section. Sir, do you mind? It's one of those jokes. It's one of those jokes. And then I got off the bus. Our guest today, a long time since this gentleman has been on. Yeah, we had Bita Judaki on a couple episodes ago, and she hadn't been on in seven years. This guest was on 10 episodes before

her last time oh man just beat her we're making amends we're going back in time and uh bringing back all the greats it's like a best of yeah yeah well but just me and i was not the best sort of our victory lap except we don't win anything. Yeah. But you still take that lap if they don't close the stadium. Just keep running. It's Dan Werb. Hi. Hi, Dan. Oh, my God.

Guys, I'm very happy to see you both. Back at you. Well, you're from a different time zone. I know. You're just dopey from the sleep. I am dopey. You're knee deep in the hoopla. But I just feel so good seeing you both.

Yeah. I'm feeling very full of the love for both of you. You came into this room. We're happy to see you too. Yeah. It's great to have you. Okay then. Okay.

That felt a little asymmetrical. But you came in here. You took off your sweater. Yeah. You rolled up your sleeves. I did. Did you stretch out your collar? Oh, no, I don't.

I thought of you. I should have worn like a button shirt. No, don't think of me in that way. I'm just like, are you just showing me a little bit of... You once did a Dan Wurb impression, which was just unbuttoning a couple buttons. It's important for the listener to know that you guys go way back. Yeah, Daniel is my oldest friend, probably. Yeah, so you guys have...

I call him Daniel. You can call me Daniel. Shall we get to Noah? Yes, absolutely. Get to Noah's. So last time you were here Yeah Oh my god

You were probably talking about being a musician Yep And swing and sing Other endeavors And I was swing and single Yeah Probably Well you're not anymore

Hell no Oh you might have been You're betrothed now I'm betrothed Yeah And I'm bebrooded. Yeah. I've created.

Yeah. A thing. Yeah. You did a birth. I did it. You were in charge of the birth. Is that right? Well, they made me feel irrelevant.

Okay. But maybe it wasn't. But that's, you got to reinvent yourself. But maybe it wasn't them. Maybe it was that I was really in that moment. During labor? But I cut the, I cut the. The umphone cord?

Yeah. I cut all the cords. I don't want, for the baby, I don't want any kind of waves. Yeah, that's why. We've locked out the windows also. Plus so many millennials are getting rid of cable. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's smart.

It's smart, it's smart If you can go wireless Wireless panic room Yeah So you, since we last saw you You now, we have so many things to talk about Oh my god You are a married man

I am a married man You are a father man I am a father man You are an author man I'm an author man Oh yeah, you wrote a book. I wrote a book. Wow.

What are we covering first? Let's talk about the, I mean, I'm a man of multitudes. Okay, let's talk about this. This is labor. How long was labor? The labor, you really want to know? Yeah, I want to know how long you were feeling. Labor story?

How long I was feeling it? Well, how long you were feeling irrelevant. So it was like. For me, how long you were feeling irrelevant. So it was like... Because for me, it's been about 11 years. So I think it was like 50 hours with increasing irrelevance. Like the longer it went. Miranda didn't sleep, basically basically for 50 hours wow fucking crazy well anybody with netflix and stuff yeah the craziest thing though is that man i gotta say

pregnancy was like oh man we're almost done we're almost done you're getting bigger but then it's gonna be over you just gotta push and then it's over. And then it was like 50 hours. Right. Yeah. But then you have the baby. Yeah. Which I didn't really, I really didn't clue into that. You graduate from pregnancy and a baby is just like a diploma that you hang on the wall. Yeah.

I think, you know, I guess I had like the idea that you would, that it'd be like, oh man. Phew. All right. Good night.'d be like, oh man. Phew. All right. Good night. Baby gives you a thumbs up. Yeah. You did it dad.

And then you like sleep for however long you want. And then, um, no, it didn't work like that. Yeah. Uh, is this, uh, this baby a good sleeper? Bad sleeper? It was. Yeah. Really bad sleeper.

Oh boy. But it was like sleeping. I should, I shouldn't say it. Right. I should say. No, say it right yeah yeah no say it yeah his baby's a little uh clown this tiny baby woke up every two to three hours yeah six months wow which uh it's pretty average i think man it was i got i'm just i got so depressed though it was like it was dark had

postpartum depression. Hmm. I was just like, I'm going to lose my mind if this continues. Yeah. And then we did the sleep training thing, which was great. What is that?

So you, uh, deny your natural empathy. Yeah, no problem. You have natural empathy for everyone in the world. Psychopaths are great fathers. You have, you have even more of have natural empathy for everyone in the world. Psychopaths are great fathers. You have,

you have even more of this natural empathy for your own child. Right. And then you just fucking murder that empathy. Right. So that. So you can sleep. Yeah. So,

and it's so worth it. It's pretty crazy. And the baby is happier too. Everyone's happier. Yeah. Just be not, just be cruel. How cruel? How long did you have to be cruel i had to like so we we like it's so funny there's like this whole like i i mean people know this that have children yeah but there's like this massive industry that every single part of like parenthood has been monetized so obviously there's

a diaper industry obviously obviously for the love there's someone who is a sleep consultant whose job it is to tell parents that like oh no it's it's fine. Right. Your baby will cry and that's fine. But they get, and you pay them for that, like for like externalizing your anxiety. You didn't Google, just Google it. Or are you so tired that you forget the Google?

I think it's like, so like every, you don't know what to do. Like you think everything is wrong. You think you're like inherently going to like destroy your child. Yeah. So then we paid this person who was like okay just what you need to do is go into the room i wish you'd paid me to do this i would have googled it and come over well now you can't it's very simple all you need to do is go into the room so your child feels supported and comforted by your presence now you can't this isn't a scarecrow

situation where you can just put the guy that's in the corner with your clothes on it should have tried that yeah because she was also like you need to go in so that you are supporting your baby but you can't look at your baby and you have to pretend to be asleep and if your baby looks at you you have to like not make eye contact so i had no problem for me i i just we can't shake with the baby and no eye contact my baby is my alpha uh so i just like sat in this room but i was so crazed with lack of sleep yeah i was like this is better than like this is worth it yeah and then after like 45 minutes of like intense screaming i look over and my baby's on like all fours just like fully locking eyes just like ah and then i left and then she's left wow yeah so i shouldn't have been in the

room at all yeah she was like get out yeah she didn't want you no that was she was embarrassed the the way that she sleeps she drools yeah she wears a weird one one piece thing yeah yeah out of fashion yeah exactly and now she sleeps great it's great yeah um for us it was with margo it was uh like because daniel poured water all over his leg you're gonna you're gonna do that well it's a theater of the mind. So, so for the record, yes. Okay. You opened the actual floodgates, the spilling by throwing water all down the stairs in front of you. As you walk down,

I did spill. I had a little trip down the stairs. It was very, it was very Buster Keaton. It was a perfect, I thought it was, I just thought it was that kind of a house. Yeah.

It's a spill house. Um, Oh, no one cares about my a house. Yeah, it's a spill house. Oh, no one cares about my sleep training. No, tell us. Tell us. I was addicted to just having Margo fall asleep on me. But then I could not do the transition of putting her down. So for months I would just let her sleep on me.

But then when it was time, when it got too much uh we we learned we what we read was you put her down and then you leave the room for two minutes and she'll scream and scream and scream and then you go back and you comfort her right right i'll be back uh just go to sleep i'll be back later and then you leave for four minutes right and then you come back and then you leave for six minutes and then eight minutes and then you leave for four minutes. Right. And then you come back. And then you leave for six minutes. And then eight minutes. And then you never go more than ten minutes. And I don't think we made it to ten minutes.

She, like, the first time we did it, I think, after, like, our six or eight minute absence, she was a sleeper. Aw. Well done, David. This is nice. This is nice. There's, like, some, shit gets wacky, though. This is nice. This is nice.

There's like some, shit gets wacky though. Like I, someone else was telling us that they were told, they also hired like a sleep consultant. And again, like. And they said, go in and rattle chains over your baby? They were like. That doesn't sound right. They were like, you need to comfort your baby. So go under the crib. And lie on those monster gloves.

Lie under the crib. Because on those monster gloves, lie under the crib and speak, like speak up through the thin mattress, like the, like some omniscient God. Yeah, no, yeah, there were so many,

like one of the things that was like, wrap your baby's pillow in your t-shirt. Okay. They smell you. Sure. This is for a baby dog, right? This is for a baby dog this is for a baby dog like the one thing the one thing that's making your baby screamer face off is i can't smell it off of my mom they uh that under the bed thing that's a prank that's somebody was pranked yeah also there's no way to like after your baby falls falls asleep, what then? Yeah, you're stuck.

Wake it up in the morning. Good morning. Use one of those, like however you change it. A jack. A jack, yeah. Change a tire. So baby's doing great.

Just let the writer reflect you did a really authentic jack motion. Yeah, I don't know how I've never changed a tire. Have you? Yep. Have you?

Yeah. I put on the trainer or whatever. The trainer in the back. At least I know the word spare tire. Especially after dinner tonight. You guys are more manly for having no no no no no i think you just have a car that uh doesn't have no i just had bad time i have a bcaa membership

you got to work that out you know what's the point what i guess you have to have it do you have to have it no no that's like the the like the perks. Oh, like roadside assistance. Right. You don't have to get your hands dirty. I think you get like three calls a year for free. Yeah.

And they range from they'll change your tires, do your wife while you watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah. BCAA is the British Cock Automobile Association. Okay. Cock-lumbia. Yeah. BCAA is the British Cuck Automobile Association. Okay. Cucklumbia.

Yeah. And what's the third thing? They could lock it. They'll film it, I guess. Yeah, they'll film it. Absolutely. Gotta film it. Yeah.

It's not humiliating unless you film it. Yes. Yeah, that's what I need to be able to watch it later. I've never. Oh, no. I have a question okay you there if you're a a cock uh-huh is it speaking okay yeah so perfect perfect i'll i'll feel this do you review your videos and you say to yourself five stars are you like oh yeah this one was the most humiliating like it's my favorite for that reason like is that is that what it is i think that's my friend harsh of yeah like i think that's isn't that the whole thing but if they were gonna rank it because when someone calls you a cock on

the internet for thinking a woman should be president. Yeah. They're imagining you enjoy the humiliation of, I guess, your wife is gaining some kind of power over you by. Right. Right. And your wife in this scenario is Elizabeth Warren. Yeah. Or Hillary. Or Hillary.

That's right. You guys claim to be cucks but i'm starting to get suspicious this sounds very big well no i mean i've just been uh i get that people get called cucks i don't know how much it's in practice i think shakespeare came up with the word cuckold wow that's uh that's about all i know the first time i heard it was in royal tenenbaums okay yeah um i've heard it used on the office uh we're really getting to the heart of the matter here yeah um but yeah i think probably the more humiliating the better right isn't that what is your what makes it humiliating her enjoyment of it yeah i think like isn't it supposed to be like or you're bad at sex yeah you're bad and

he good good you you're so bad yeah yeah yeah but you're good at filming you've got a real yeah so so i guess he can feel good about his filming yeah yeah and he's like directing and kind of curating and everything yeah so it's like an amalgamate his favorites are the ones where like he really like the lighting and where she's like you you're bad at sex yeah does she say that while while the guy who's good at sex is having sex with her i think so i think she she makes the market. He good, you bad. Me forget English, he so good. I just want to take a time out to point out that he good, you bad. You stop for a second. Me make diagram.

So, Dan, you wrote a book. Oh, God, yes, I wrote a book oh god yes i wrote a book that's incredible fuck like you wrote it and it's published like it's not you didn't just write a google doc yeah yeah yeah no it's not a google doc it's uh did you write it in google docs i wrote it in microsoft word i really want to know this is what people 2016 2016 okay sure Times New Roman Cambria

oh my god I should know is this your I don't is it your own licensed copy or is it from work it's from work

so I guess work is the author work owns the book by work yeah yeah you have to at least dedicate it to work um

what is this book oh my god well is it a bummer it's yeah You have to at least dedicate it to work. What is this book? Oh, my God. Well... Is it a bummer? Yeah. Dave knows it's a bummer. It's a bummer. You know what it is, right?

No. Okay, it's a big bummer. Oh, it's a big bummer. Well, you know what? So this is in a brilliant marketing twist. They don't call books like this a bummer. They call them true crime. True crime, yes.

You wrote a true crime book. I didn't really, but it's being marketed in a true crime section. Well, it's kind of true crime. It's true and it's about crime. It's true and it's about a crime. It's about a meta crime. But your background is not as a, like a gumshoe. No.

So let's, should we actually go back and do a little like history? How did we get here? How did we get here? Okay, so when Daniel and I were in grade one together. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was Daniel Walters was also in the class. So he went by Daniel W-E and Daniel Walters went by Daniel W-A. Oh, okay. So Daniel Wee and Daniel Wah. But. Shemka still calls me Daniel Wee. Yeah. Nice. Why wouldn wouldn't i it's adorable yeah but daniel wa we had tried having daniel wa on the show and very difficult yeah very difficult he kept calling him daniel we and i was like he's daniel wa and anyways forget it i'm glad that

less said about it the better basically by acclamation than i of the Daniels I was allowed to come on. Yeah. Great. Welcome. Or attrition. Thanks. Thank you so much. It's a war of Daniel attrition. I remember when I was on the show before. Yeah.

I was playing lots of music. You were in wood hands. I was in wood hands. Then you got replaced by Ricky Martin. Then I got replaced by Ricky Martin. Why? Why Ricky Martin? He's so good at Martin Why? Why did Ricky Martin replace you? He's so good at singing

And his body His body is great His body's great And he's just a great performer He's a professional Yeah, that's true You couldn't match his professional He's a triple threat

Yeah, yeah, yeah So while I was touring The whole time I was touring Paul, my bandmate, was in law school. And I was doing a PhD in epidemiology, which is like looking at epidemics. So we were like both in school. So we would like play shows. And then during the day in the van, we would like write essays.

Who's driving this van? We'd take turns or we'd sometimes. Every once in we had a driver which was pretty cool that's pretty cool you made it yeah yeah you got somebody who's just doing the driving maybe doing a little uh they were doing other things like lifting amps and stuff lifting amps doing a little roadie stuff house yeah speed doing speed doing so yeah finding you speed keeping the van going above 50 kilometers an hour. Yeah. Keeping people from jumping on stage. Throwing up people who they think would be good on stage, up on stage.

Yeah, Ricky Martin. Yeah. Yeah. And then throwing me off stage once Ricky Martin got there. Then I was driving the van. Ricky was so good at school. That's, man, that is show business. It really is.

It's the ups and downs. You know what it is? I was thinking about Ricky Martin because last week on the show, I was talking about we get three music video stations on our cable package. I saw two Ricky Martin videos in short order. Lucky. package i've i saw two ricky martin videos in short order luck and he's so i think it's so strange now that you would make a whole music video about one guy especially when they're shooting it on film that's a lot that's a lot of films are used on one but just one character the idea of like like all these people gathered around to dance with Ricky Martin and like women kissing him.

It's just such a strange, like seeing it now as I'm older. When I'm a kid, I'm like, he's a star. I want to be a star. Yeah. I want that many people dancing around me at all times. I want to inspire William Hung. So you were studying. You were on the road.

So I was on the road and studying which is crazy hedging my bets yeah as one does when one is risk averse i guess okay and then predictably just fucking did so much work did less touring yeah uh so i i basically like got into through school i started doing work around addiction and hiv lots here in vancouver and the downtown east side so looking at like shout out shout out what up vancouver so what are? You're reviewing a lot of data? You're collecting your own data? What are you doing? Data. Data.

Reviewing. Collecting. All of it. All of it. Analyzing. Sure. So basically, like, cut to I do all this school. I've done this work on addictions.

And then I get invited to work on a research project in Tijuana, Mexico. What? On the border. So, like, right where San Diego, T tijuana they're like sister cities yeah they're they actually connect but there's so they're enjoying sister city yeah but there's a border you can use that in your book maybe in a second printing yeah i need to call my publisher uh but there's like the border wall yeah like fucking cuts them in half it's so crazy it's so crazy so then i was doing work in tijuana which is a pretty intense chaotic sometimes dangerous place how long are you there for

i started in 2013 okay so i was down living in san diego and basically going back and forth to tijuana for like six months and then since then I've been going down like every month. Wow. Which is pretty crazy. Still? Since the baby. You just send the baby down. A little bit less. But like I'm going to, uh, not tomorrow, but the next day. Oh, wow. So, um, I go there, like I go there a lot and, and essentially what I was doing, I was, I was supposed to be kind of writing papers and analyzing data around HIV that was spreading among people who use drugs. Okay.

Who are basically mostly living in this canal in Tijuana. But then I, you know, as I spent more time down there, it's such a crazy place. And right when I got there was there was this huge spike in violence. There was like the homicide rate went like crazy, crazy up. And at the same time, this is where it gets real dark. Yeah. More and more women were dying. Right.

So through like homicide, but through like hiv and other things so i basically wrote a book about kind of like trying to track that so it's like a true crime book but it's more like this epidemic right and the epidemic is like women being victimized. Wow. This is a, this is very heavy, heavy book to be pretty heavy. Yeah. How is that? By the way, what's it called?

Yeah. What is it called? It's called city of omens, city of omens. And I thought, you know, this would be the perfect venue. We are to tell people about one true crime.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We take it super seriously. Yeah, we do. I mean, we don't make jokes in the middle of you explaining crime. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. We take it super seriously. Yeah, we do. I mean, we don't make jokes in the middle of you explaining it.

Yeah, exactly. That was good. That was good. Thank you. Uh, Graham had a really authentically listening look on his face. Cause I was authentically listening.

Um, and what, how, how did I look? Tell me how I look. You, I felt more comfortable looking at Graham. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I don't know why. It's the eye contact thing. Yeah, yeah. I was making, I was on all fours screaming at you. Go to sleep, David. How long did it take you to write this book? Nine months. Yeah.

You know which nine months? Same? very same yeah birth of baby birth of book so baby so first draft finished the week like like four days before my baby showed up you cut the cord on that cut the cord on both bam bam that's the sound that scissors make uh we call our first child a first draft as well and then the first three months of her existence outside of the womb life obviously starts at conception um they call the that the fourth trimester yeah ah yes that was like uh the editing right so it was pretty fast but i'd also been like you know doing all this research and everything for so many years but like john le carre writes his book so fast too yeah but this is like did you ever think you'd write a book yeah i did i mean

i wanted to i never i wasn't like i'm gonna going to write a book. Yeah, but you just fucking went and did it, didn't you? I did. Yeah. But like, I first wanted to write a book when I was like 20. And I'm now 39 years old. What was the book that you would have written when you were 20? It was going to be fucking terrible. No, but what would it have been?

Yeah, tell us about it. Like, what was circulating in your brain at the time? Okay. That you were like, this will be a book yeah yeah okay sort of semi autobiographical we're going there

okay yeah yeah so it was I had a novel idea okay how novel about I mean

maybe not the worst idea in the world but but about a boy yeah and his brother

and he discovers that his brother and he discovers that his brother is a golem like the Jewish automaton. He finds out that his brother is a golem. Isn't a golem very big? And he's made of clay.

Yeah, and his brother isn't actually a dreidel. That's true. And his brother isn't actually. That's a dreidel. That's true. That's true. And then. And then they get like chased by Hasidic Jews and like the CIA. Huh. Oh boy.

The big two. Actually, I don't think that book idea sounds bad at all. I think it could have been okay. Yeah. Maybe it'll be. Yeah. Okay. Someday. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I always think when you said that a 20 year old, book idea sounds bad at all i think it could have been okay yeah maybe it'll be yeah okay someday i was like when you said that a 20 year old i thought it was going to be some kind of like mopey uh yeah 20 year old semi-autobiographical like here's how i see it yeah yeah it's so hard

for me to get a real right a real holden caulfield kind of sure yeah not really my experience no no yeah you've you've always been a real say it uh boy what a chick magnet well yeah i i don't know where you were going i don't know where i was going either but like a real um sort of the buttons man it's the buttons effusive uh effusive is that mean uh magnanimous i like i just keep the this is great yeah these are great words you're like a guy uh you're a magnetic personality people oh people people nice um they gravitate now speaking of uh things where sort of people are all around you uh there's this ricky martin vancouver canucks um text chain that's right i would like a few answers about that okay so all right okay so a little bit of

backstory on this a few months ago i was at a hockey game. I was posting pictures from the hockey game. My friend Luke said, hey, Dave, you are the best. Dave, a few of our friends, Dan included, are part of this Canucks text chain. You like the Canucks, right? Would you like to be in this? And I was like, sure, yeah. And I didn't hear back for a little while. And then I wrote him a week or two later and I said, hey, what about this

text chain? And he said, oh, I suggested it and I was rejected. Or you were rejected. Yeah. I just want I guess my questions are about the rejection interesting interesting so okay dave okay so how many people are in this group there's five okay there's luke there's rich there's you rich me and two people i don't know pete you know pete oh yeah and uh matt swanson don't know him you don't know him the only one with the last name that's why i used his last name he's the only one who was pro me so uh this is how it was

the connects more than i know pete does not pete does not care pete this is how it was sold by luke hey we should invite dave shumka he's like a total head and he's so funny and it would be great and my instinct was there's no way that like dave is a professional comedy person yeah he he he writes podcasts he's a he does stop podcasting he's like a real deal he's very magnetic effusive he's a magnanimous what does effusive mean uh to me like hyperbolically kind of like uh uh complimentary yeah i don't think that's i don't think i knew that so so i was like so so it wasn't put like i invited dave and he said yes and he wants to join it was more

like maybe we should invite dave shumka and my thought was all those things but also dave doesn't always like new people so uh i was like there's no way that dave would want to slum it with a bunch of fucking hacks ah so but it was not just me. And what kind of words were used? Slum. No. Hacks. Slum hack millionaire.

Slum hack. So, if we went back through this text chain, it would be a lot of like, oh, we are hacks. We are not worthy of Dave

is what I'm hearing. We can go through it. Oh, we're not going to. I don't want to. I mean, it's months and months back. I bet it would be hard to find unless it's not. I mean, I could just search Shumka.

But anyway, so then, so this is the deal, though, is that it was all a miscommunication, Dave. And then once the miscommunication was revealed i said to dave because i talked about it on the podcast and he heard about it how i was rejected from this rejected from this yeah yeah yeah text chain so then i reached out magnanimously and said dave if you want to join the text thread you should like we'd love to have you it was sullied it was sullied by that point i didn't want to be the text thread, you should. We'd love to have you. It was sullied. It was sullied by that point. I didn't want to be the guy who was there because everyone felt bad for him. You didn't want an asterisk next to your record.

So now he owns this kind of like moral high. Yeah, yeah. Well, martyrdom. It's moral high martyrdom. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave's been up on his cross ever since. Yeah. Yeah.

Now, the New York Times said of your book, uh dave's been up on his cross ever since yeah yeah yeah and uh now the new york times set of your book werb often lapses into science speaks it bogs down the narrative uh what do you say to that your book got reviewed by the new york times yeah they did also say he's a good interviewer and he respects the voices there you go of the people he interviews. That's something else. It's pretty cool. Yeah, that's fantastic. Well, they chose like five true crime reads for the summer. And my book was one of them.

That's very cool. You know, like the weird thing about this book is that I don't know what the expectations are. You know what I mean? They're heavy. They're burdensome. Yeah, yeah, yeah. but like maybe they're not i don't know oh we maybe your publisher and they are counting on this too yeah yeah they mortgage the a lot of their own personal houses they i they were like he needs to sell a billion copies and i said oh a million and they said no a billion with a buh. As in, we will be bankrupt if he doesn't. They will be.

They've got Harry Potter. Yeah, that's true. That's going to carry them through. They don't need me. But you know what? No new Harry Potter's coming out. Yeah. Just all those Grindelwald.

The Crimes of. Of Grindelwald. Yeah. Yeah. The Crimes of Grindelwald from 90210 brandon walsh yeah brandon walsh brandon brandon but worth it worth it uh brandon walsh well that's exciting that is very exciting congratulations thanks man book that's yeah yeah i mean it's like getting reviewed by the new york times have you written a book? Yeah, I was just going to say, but I feel like you guys are both book adjacent.

Like, I feel like... Dave's written a book. I wrote half a book. Yeah. I wrote 40% of a very slim book. Yeah. What book? What book?

This is that travel guide to Canada. Oh, yeah. Yeah. It was a bestseller. Yeah, so Dave's published... People like that shit. Dave's published, I've perished.

That's how it goes. Oh, as a PhD. Yeah. They say publish or perish. Does this count towards publishing? No. No, it's not. None of it matters.

Yeah, it's so stupid. Everything is so stupid. Everything is so stupid. It's more like, huh, you didn't write a bunch of papers that no one read this year. Right. Like, that's bad. But like, who's reading papers at this point? Not a lot of people. Not one read this year. Right. Like that's bad. But like who's reading papers at this point? Not a lot of people.

Not a lot of people. It is listicles. Two more listicles. Yeah. Defend your listicle. Are these the 10 best sleds of the winter? And we need citations. Yeah.

Seven times Liam Neeson Looked like a puppy Dave what's going on with you? Oh you guys What is going on with me? Well We were recording This is our first recording

After Canada won the basketball Congratulations How was Toronto during that? I was in San Diego. I was jumping up and down in front of an extremely large TV. Nice. And the only other two people were

Golden State fans. Yeah. Who were saying that they didn't like Kyle Lowry. Which bothered me because he seems like such a lovely roly-poly little guy. They don't like anyone who's beating their brains out Yeah, they're beating their team Yeah It was a lot of fun to watch

Did you get swept up in it? I watched the finals Yeah Why not? Why not jump on the bandwagon at the last minute? I mean, there's lots of room Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah I felt welcome

Yeah I watched a lot of the playoffs for every team last minute. I mean, there's lots of room. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I felt welcome. Yeah. Yeah. I watched a lot of the playoffs for every team and then the game that they were, game six,

where they were, where they won it, I was like, I have a package that arrived on the other side of the border and I,

this would probably be a good night to have no lineups at the border. Did you go for it? I went for it went for it yeah picked up a nice little stool for our patio at a post office box in blaine washington hell yeah uh that's the mature sports fan right oh yeah well and then uh ikea And then Ikea on the way home. Empty. Empty Ikea. It's a dream. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. So that was a big thing for me. Dave really thinks the game. Yeah. In a new way. You know? Yeah, exactly. While we're all sitting at home like a bunch of Neanderthals.

Yeah. We're playing 3D chess. sitting at home like a bunch of Neanderthals. Yeah, we're playing 3D chess. I like that the announcers had to keep plugging the movie Men in Black International. That was my favorite. That they had to stop

commentating every once in a while and talk about how these players were out of this world. Was it Mark Little who was on like a year and a half ago talking about the movie Why Him? And the announcers kept having to be like, she could date anybody. Why him?

In theaters. Yeah, so that was fun not watching that last game. Yeah, yeah. Also watching like anything outside of the game where it was just shots of people celebrating in the streets. Yeah. No, thanks. You don't like that? No.

What is this, Electric Circus? Why? It's more boujdele than Electric Circus. Which boujdele? The French Electric Circus? Yeah, but people were like wasted. It was like exactly the same except people were wasted. For American listeners, Electric Circus was a show on Much Music, Canada's MTV. Yeah. it was like exactly the same except people were wasted for american listeners uh electric circus

was a show on much music canada's mtv yeah uh on friday nights where there was just like house or club music playing like yeah it was like there was a dj soul train but it was but it was great because like and there would be people dancing in the studio and a bunch of people bundled up in their winter coats outside. Yeah. Yeah. What I liked about it, though, was that there were there was a clear divide between the people who were like invited in. Mm hmm.

And then the professional dancers. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. The professional beautiful, beautiful dancers clearly had a place to put their bags when they weren't. Yeah. But that's what watching it, like any kind of thing, like they televised the parade and I was like, for whom? Everybody.

Everybody loves it. Not the parade. The parade? I was a little bummed out when I turned on the TV that morning. No, I kind of rely on TV. I kind of rely on TV to be a routine. There was this amazing, what I liked about the parade was the amazing, like you finally get perspective on how gigantic these people are. Yeah.

Which you don't like, like Kyle Lowry seems tiny to me. He seems like four foot eight or something yeah you think he's like six one six two or something yeah and then mark gasol who's like tall white dude yeah there was like a shot of him on a float drinking an entire bottle of rose yeah and it looks like a tiny like mexican coke can or a mexican coke bottle yeah yeah yeah it's just like nothing nothing makes sense like these people don't make sense in the real world it was wonderful it's like with that picture of uh andre the giant holding a a beer can yeah yeah and then you find out he drinks like 2,400 beers a day or something. That's a little high, but.

A little high. What were the numbers? Do you know the numbers on that? He, I know that whenever they had to do surgery on him, that they said, how much does it take for him to get drunk? And he, the guy that was his buddy relayed, like, he's like, usually during dinner. No. He finishes, like, before before dinner he'll have like 10 beers and then a couple bottles of wine and he'll finish it with a bottle of port

and that'll get him pretty drunk so yeah he was a big boy yeah he was a big boy with a big appetite for life i guess that's how it works right right? The bigger you are, the more... The harder you fall, baby. Okay. Hulkamania. So, the other thing I did since we last recorded was, it was Father's Day. Mm-hmm. And I took my daughter...

Dads and grads. Oh, my God. I forgot both. I took my graduating daughter to the Matilda musical. Oh, yeah. Roald Dahl's Matilda. Roald Dahl's Matilda. Tim Minchin's Roald Dahl the Matilda musical. Oh, yeah. Roald Dahl's Matilda. Roald Dahl's Matilda. Tim Minchin's Roald Dahl's Matilda.

And it was a matinee. Yeah. Well, you're not bringing Margot to a late night. No, no, no. No, come on. Too crazy. For the 11th hour number. I mean, that's bedtime.

The 11 o'clock number? Anyways, go on. Mm-hmm. And yeah, so it was. 11th hour number i got i mean that's bedtime the 11 o'clock number anyways go on uh and uh yeah so it was i think you know what this was my idea i thought because she loved the movie i watched it was the movie a musical no okay so i had to like sort of explain it'll be a little bit different to mention videos yeah it'll be a little bit different see your dimension videos. Yeah. It'll be a little bit different. See this guy. Do you like this?

This guy's weird songs. Danny DeVito won't be in it. Lots of people that look like the people but aren't the people. And they'll be singing about stuff and it won't be exactly the same yeah like they're not gonna drive a car yeah um and uh so as we were walking there i was like oh there's a lot of like grown-ups with no kids this going to be over her head maybe.

All right. But no, it was, um, it was pretty simple. I don't know why those grownups were there. But it's like a longstanding. Yeah. It's like been around for a while. Right. Sure.

Zelda. I, I don't know. I had no idea. The musical itself? No, the, the, the book. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Like, so then people. Oh, definitely. Yeah, yeah. Like, so then people... Oh, definitely before Roald Dahl died. Yeah, I guess that makes sense. Yeah. That track. Yeah, yeah. It wasn't one of his in the vault that his widow was holding hostage. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So, wait. So, you... It was successful. You're a successful father on Father's Day. I'm a successful father on Father's Day. Uh, sort of. Father's Day. I don't like Father's Day.

Why not? Oh, it's always kind of a bummer. Because you wish you were a better father and your daughter loved you more? No. That really cut to the bone. Do you like Father's Day? I've only had one. Did you like it?

Not really. Well, how come? It just felt weird Yeah I played handball That was fun Yeah For me it's a balance of like

The culture of like Oh it's dad's day So it's dad's day off Right Like yeah And fatherhood I feel like father's day should be about Being around your kids

Exactly Miranda was like Yeah you should just like take the day It's father's day And I was like But your kids exactly brandon was like yeah you should just like take the day it's father's day and i was like but but the whole point is my dad yeah yeah yeah and also like you're creating more work for your partner yeah do that and um so yeah i but it never goes exactly as planned and it's always um like i feel like it's built up too much but were you like in your family was it and your family graham yeah i'm pointing at both of you guys was it uh like was father's day was it like okay it's gonna be father's day you need to do something for your

father your father has this day no it is required of you we would always see i would always do we would do something yeah we would do something or just like have a nice dinner or whatever but it was never we would do our dad's hair yes we wake up early with style our dad's hair braiding uh well he wasn't a braiding guy but yeah i mean that was on the table right but uh you know he he just wanted a continental swoop and uh so we did that uh that surely that didn't take very long huh the continental swoop no what is that it's so bad that face is built for the swoop and then uh you know breakfast to bed oh wow bed wow dude we all got to bed for dinner

hide under the bed and put your arms out and make him feel comfortable where's the swoop happening also in bed yeah yeah okay whole day in bed so dad can't get out my dad was kind of like the john lennon of our house special toilet bed special father's day toilet um but uh yeah the um But, yeah, the, so, yeah, we went and she sat there and it's a lot of kids singing. It's really like when 10 kids are singing at the same time, no matter how good they are, you just can't understand any of the words. Right. Even if they're professionals. Even if they're professional kids. Right.

Which there's laws around that. You can't understand what's going on. You can't understand what's going on. Like, you can understand what's going on. So basically, they can't train them because of the laws. Like, they could be perfect singers. They would be better. But the laws do not allow us to create a perfect Matilda. You're saying exactly what the union busters are hoping you would say.

Although you go to Cambodia, the Matilda production there is pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's perfect. Yeah, what's more important? Childhood or perfection? Oh, yeah.

And I think we know the answer. Or performative childhood. Yes, yeah. They perform a version of childhood that by any metric is better than any kid's actual job hearing one so that that is worth it i say hearing one kid's thing is fine you can

understand what they're saying two is it even at two it starts to get a little a little garbled yeah and then like there's a when there's like a bunch at a time and then one kid is singing a different part it's just a screech fest so is most of this uh musical kids yeah oh do you feel do you feel like you missed some major plot points no that ruined the experience for you no i don't know what this but i like i like there was like you could tell there's a lot of clever wordplay happening seriously and you're like oh there's they've like did a lot of clever wordplay happening. Seriously. And you're like, oh, they did a bunch of words that are like rhymes. That does sound clever.

But yeah, no, it was good. I don't, I think this is not, like looking back, I just wanted Mario to like, you know, see if she liked this. Because I don't like this. But you know, yeah, maybe she becomes a lifelong fan of the theater. Right. Who knows? But wait, did she? What was her review?

Here's what the, I was well prepared to leave at any point. Sure. There was an intermission where I knew I would say we can go now if you want and she said no i want to stay so that was her review yeah happy father's day yeah yeah it's as good as it gets stayed to the end of a play yeah landmark standing oh not by us the only holdouts uh not the only holdouts but like margo she's not i saw some people had like booster seats i didn't know how you got one of those but she gotta have season stickers she's a little uh small for theater seats yeah like you need to use you need to have a lot of weight to

stop them from flipping up so she started flinging in the air no but she would stand up like we had the front row of the balcony so oh yeah um it was a good placement but she would stand up. Like we had the front row of the balcony, so. Oh yeah. It was a good placement, but she would just stand up and look over the balcony. It's fun. That sounds cute. Yeah. I used to go to theater when I was a kid. And raptured. Yeah.

By the performance. Yeah. And just like, and they've, we bought a little thing of gummies and they put them in a container for you pre-unwrapped. So they don't you're not unwrapping that's my first theater experience was women behind me going every time i unwrap candy and you brought in enough worthers to share but uh you weren't gonna after that after that tisking um what is the story of matilda matilda is in short she's a little girl she's a little

girl who something magical happens although in the book and in the movie something magical happens early on in the play it's like the last thing that happens oh like she discovers her magic at the very end and then uses it to defeat her uh head mistress. Oh, yes. So there's a, yeah, she's like a girl who is sort of neglected by her family. Classic Roald Dahl. And she. Classic musical also. Yeah, that's true. I mean, this is, can't believe it took this long to get this thing on stage.

Super ripped. It's true. She's super ripped. Yeah. Yeah. She bench presses like so many benches benches yeah yeah yeah uh she's got magic okay she can move so she's like she's she's an all-rounder yeah yeah yeah she's a triple threat like ricky martin bench press magic and abs child oh neglect Magic. Abs. Child. Oh. Neglect. And neglect.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Triple threat. And then she goes to school, and the musical has more of a kids rule message. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Kids do rule. It's true. Everywhere I look, I see kids really taking over. Yeah. It is true.

Kids rule. We're trying to learn from them all of a sudden. You know what I mean? How a rule We're trying to We're trying to learn from them All of a sudden You know what I mean How to rule Yeah Exactly I haven't learned yet What's going on with you? I

I didn't do anything for Father's Day Okay Did you call your dad? I did Okay Yeah That's a thing Yeah

I got him tickets to a show Matilda the musical I didn't say he has to bring me But it's heavily suggested Was he one of the older men That you saw No Dave

He lives in a different city Yeah Wonderful Yeah Thank you Yeah I went to a local Baseball game

Hey The Vancouver one The Vancouver Canadian This is a really sports heavy episode Hey man I love them I love sports baseball game. Hey, the Vancouver one. The Vancouver Canadian. This is a really sports heavy episode. Hey man, I love them. I love sports.

They're out of this world. Speaking of which, Men in Black International. Probably out of theaters by the time this podcast gets released. I've only once been to a Vancouver baseball game. And it was a long, long time ago. It this is the best it was a lot of fun yeah it was a lot of fun don't i don't know why like i have not opposed to going but i just never think of it why is it so fun it's because it's not because you're no one's invested in the baseball it's single a so it's like three steps down from the major leagues yeah and people

are it's just a nice day out of the park and like the players are just they're just on their way to a career so there's no there's no uh anger between the teams yeah they're both just drifting through to something better there's only two umpires on the yeah and like and also the night that i was there was uh dog days so everybody was there with their dogs so it's just kind of whatever goes whatever there's a lot of like there's a promotion for every game yeah right and it's like it's the perfect thing to do if you're if you're assembling a group of disparate friends. Effusive friends. Yeah.

And you don't, you know, like, you want to have, like, a common activity. It's the perfect thing. You go to the baseball game. Nobody has to watch the game. Nobody has to understand baseball. You can talk the whole time. You can talk the whole time. You're not going to get shushed.

No. No. Yeah. You're not going to get tushed. No, no. Yeah. You're not going to get tisk for eating candies. I brought a bunch of Werther's, um, baseball Werther's. Um, and yeah, it's great. You eat a hot dog. They have these four foot long hot dogs.

Uh, I didn't get one of those cause they're only in the meat variety, but yeah, they're like four foot long. They're in a. Wow. Is it for me yeah i think it might be for a guy like me yeah i think it might be for a guy like you i saw one guy carrying it back to his seat and everybody stared at him the whole yeah like this guy's really gonna put it away ladies and tramps right to meet in the middle it's gotta be right like it's not for it's for everyone watching me eat it yeah yeah yeah we all turned around and like he he i think became very self-conscious see i wouldn't i wouldn't know whether to like eat it extremely

fast yeah to just get everyone looking away yeah or to eat it extremely slowly so that everyone knows that i'm a gentleman. Right. And also maybe you like the attention. Maybe you like the attention that you want people

to whisper about you. Yeah, yeah. I don't think he's chewed yet. He's just shoving it down his throat. But it was funny. I'd heard about

these four foot long hot dogs but I'd never seen one and the man I tried to eat one but I had to get a rib room. This guy did look a lot like Marilyn Manson now that I mentioned it. But they had that. They had four foot long hot dogs.

And then they also have something called a home plate pretzel. And it's the size of a toilet seat. Or the size of a home plate. I think the metaphor they're probably going for. I think they made it, realized it looked like a toilet seat, and then specifically called it a home plate pretzel. Yeah, yeah. To divert people's attention.

Yeah, it's shaped more like a toilet seat than anything. And you got one of those? No, it's too big what did you eat i ate uh a veggie dog i ate actually ate two veggie dogs okay ate some fries uh how many people in your group uh there was like 10 10 it was it was a it was a and no one invited me uh 10 people could have invited we we were going to but then we were like i don't know such a genius you wouldn't waste his time on this yeah he wouldn't want to slum with us i guess that's a problem i'm learning about

i can't wait till i get to the pearly gates and God's like, well, you know what? You wouldn't like it. Dave, will you join? No, this fucking text thread. No, like, oh,

no, I like having this. I mean, it's more entertaining than I joined this text thread and it's not that good. Well, great. Fine. Also, this is a thing that I've only heard about, never seen. The sushi races?

The sushi races. This is a bunch of people in sushi mascot costumes. Yeah, how many are there? There was, there's five, I think. Five in all? Five or six? Maybe four. Oh, in my day, I think? Five in all? Five or six? Maybe four. Oh, in my day, it was...

I was thinking it was three or four. No, because there's... There's tuna roll. There's tuna roll. There's wasabi. Wasabi. Soy sauce. Soy sauce, yes.

Chopped two chopsticks. Oh, that's new, I think. Yeah, chip and chop were their names. Are they two different racers? Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah, yeah. Okay, that's new.

And apparently, when they first debuted, they got booed because people didn't like. There's too many. Too many in the race now. And past guest Ryan Beal has told us Wasabi always cheats. Okay. He tried. Was Ryan Beal there? Ryan Beal was there.

Okay. And Soy Sauce won. Soy Sauce won. Was Ryan Beal there? Ryan Beal was there. Okay. Um, and, uh, Soy Sauce won. Soy Sauce won. Oh, okay. Uh, Wasabi. Fair and square. Fair and square. Wasabi tried to cheat.

Tried to grab onto Soy Sauce at the last second, but Soy Sauce won. So, uh, that was great. At one point, the people that come out to groom the diamond. They do a little dance? They do a dance. YMCA? YMCA? Uh, no, they did like a choreographed,

uh, I think to a Miley Cyrus song. Yeah. So this, that was a lot of fun. It was, it was like folk. Everything was focused on like,

what's a fun thing. Yeah. What, you know, like were there, I guess they wouldn't do a fireworks night on dogs night. No. Although there,

yeah, there was a surprising amount of cheer real loud and the dogs didn't seem to take to that yeah woof woof yeah um dog all the dogs that were around the section i was in very well behaved no no begging for snacks wow no barking is there a place that dogs can relieve themselves yeah i wondered about that maybe that's why they were so quiet just so anxious just just so stressed out yeah i i did wonder that when i was first of all when i showed up i didn't know that it was a dog theme tonight histamine blocker i couldn't believe how many people had dogs i was like this is weird this is weird this is weird

that there's this many people who don't know that you're not supposed to bring a dog to a baseball game. Although I guess they could. I mean, there's no padded seats or anything. They could just hose down the whole stadium afterwards. Yeah, they probably have to. I felt bad because everybody does leave their garbage everywhere. And, you know, somebody's got to clean that up. Man.

But you know what? It's creating a job. So a job so i felt fine just like chip and chop it's two new jobs you know people don't like them but that's two new two new sushi racers fully employed and that's a full-time job i'm yeah you gotta they expect you to stay in shape, so they go to public appearances. So many signings. Yeah. Yeah. And like these players, they're making no money. No.

But apparently some of them are already signed as a prospect. Right. So some of the players on the field are making $500 and some of them are soon to be millionaires. Right, right, right. Which is, that's a weird workplace. That's a, yeah, that's a strange bus to be on.

Yeah. Where you're like, well, you know, Brian, he's going to be a millionaire. It's like, they never make it

like Ben and Jerry's where the CEO can't make more than five times what the least paid person makes. Is that the rule at Ben and Jerry's? I don can't make more than five times what the least paid person makes. Is that the rule at Ben and Jerry's? I don't know if it's five times, but I think there's some of these

conscious companies. Those guys seem alright. All they want to do is spread ice cream around. On their nipples. Nothing wrong with that. Ben, Jerry, if you're listening keep it up yeah yeah come come on the show yeah yeah yeah what would our flavor be oh oh if we got to make our own flavor yeah yeah yeah um boy i like little chunks of things

Yeah, yeah, yeah, me too You know what, there's one at the Flavor of the month at the Ice cream place Down the street Is blueberry pancake And it's got little bits of pancake in it That sounds really good

It would have to have like graham crackers in it Because of his name? Yeah, that's how they do it. That is true. They do. It's always a play on the word. Yeah. Of the name.

What was Barenaked Ladies have? Little chunks of women? They had if I had a million whatever. If I had a million flavors. Oh boy. Yeah. But I think it's got five flavors in it. What's the Jimmy Fallon one?

Does it taste like shit? Because it sucks? I think it's cookie dough because it's the Tonight Dough. Yes, it is. Oh, yes. Americone Dream. Cherry Garcia. We here at Ben & Jerry's have made a Jimmy Fallon ice cream.

And we apologize that it sucks. But it's a tribute to how much we think he sucks. Just following protocol. Yeah, we made an ice cream that we don't think that you'll like. That will be incredibly popular. Yeah, it's weird that they have to do a pun on your name

and not like a tribute to your favorite flavor and like what you think would be a good one. It's like, no, Jerry Cherry. Done.

Was Jerry, was Cherry Garcia, was that the first of the silly well flavors? Was Chunky Monkey named after a famous monkey? Yeah.

Peter Dolitz. Peter Dolitz? Yeah. Mickey Dolitz, sorry. Peter Tork? Yeah, Peter Tork. Damn it. Should we move on to a bit of business?

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slash S-T-O-P. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Oh, I'm groaning into the light. I'm dead. I'll listen to reading glasses because Bria and Mallory have great tips. You're a comics reader and you want to use a library connected app.

You can try out Hoopla. I listen for the author interviews. I'm mad at myself that I waited as long as I did to start reading Joan Didion. They give me reading advice. I didn't even know I needed. If you go in person to an event and go up to an author or a filmmaker or anybody and tell them what they you don't like about their work you're a trash baby look i understand you didn't like heroes season three that's fine i don't actually need to know that information i'm bria grant and i'm mallory o'mara we're reading glasses and we solve all your bookish problems every thursday Thursday on Maximum Fun.

Overheard. Overheard. It's a segment in which we hear things out there in the world, and then if you're lucky enough to retain them in your amygdala, what part of the brain is in charge of it? That sounds about right. Yeah. How many brain parts do you think you could name? Amygdala. Hippocampus.

Left hemisphere. Right hemisphere. Medppocampus. Left hemisphere. Right hemisphere. Medulla oblongata. Gray matter. Gray matter. White matter. How many brain droppings could you identify? George Carlin's.

Those are the big ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And we always like to start over hers with the guests. Oh, my God. And I just want to update the listener. with the guests. Oh, my God. And I just want to update the listener. Dan has put a sweater on. Yeah. And it's not cold in here.

I mean, although there was a chill that came over the roof. It was more spiritual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We all shivered. Yeah, it was paranormal. But I know that it's... When we mentioned George Carlin, it was like he was here. Yeah.

Just playing with words. Dan, will you lead the charge? Sure. Mine is very short. Okay, that's fine. Oh, I'll isolate that audio. Cuck. You got me.

You cucked me. Oh, man, I got cucked. Yeah. you got me you cocked me oh man i got cocked yeah i that that should that should happen that should be like you know in our parlance yeah um i walked by a uh restaurant that had like a patio and there were four kind of it was like lunch for middle-aged women obviously out for like a work event like a work lunch and as i passed by they all raised their glasses and in a like really serious voice one woman said joy is an enema wow boy and that was uh that was it just a casual work work lunch huh maybe they all work at an enema yeah there you go and like what that's their brand yeah uh have you ever had an enema let's all answer the same no no have you no that was not the same time. No. Have you? No. That was not the same time at all. Well, the answer too bad.

But I know people who have. Does that count? Does that count towards my enema knowledge? Yeah, okay. I know people who have and who have told me about it. And did they describe it as a joy? I mean, I guess once it's done. Joy is an enema. i don't think the the

the doing of it is the thing right man that final outcome you know what i mean but i don't think i even maybe if i knew how an enema felt i would understand full yeah that's how i've heard it described although it was that was like a colon cleansing. Same thing, isn't it? Yeah, potato, potato. Yeah. Medulla oblongato. Dave, do you have an overheard? Mine is, I had an overheard. And then today, I took Margo to go see Secret Life of Pets 2.

Oh, did she see the original? She has seen the original. Okay, so she would have lost. You guys take in a lot of entertainment. Yeah, I mean anything to get out of the house. Yeah. I feel like watching a movie outside is worth 10 movies

inside. It's not like it doesn't rot your brain the same way yeah uh but we what when we go to a movie i she likes part of the event to be taking public transit and i will oblige and so we went to uh we took the sky train to um international village chanceltown great stadium station and we got out at the hockey arena and i remembered oh the nhl draft is on oh yeah because i saw a lot of people like you know in hockey stuff that were seeing the uh draft book and i saw a lot of drafted hockey players just walking around in the like, uh, that's amazing. In the Jersey that you get and the hat that you wear over top of your, you know, shirt and tie.

So crazy. Walking around with their families. Some walking around with what would look to be like slick agent guys. Yeah. Uh, and wearing. And so the first round of the draft was yesterday a second round second through seventh rounds were today so a lot less pomp and circumstance happening today is it an honor for a city to be holding the draft uh yeah okay it's an event

okay i don't know if it's an honor You're not saddled with it You want it You put yourself forward You want to rent out those Howard Johnson suites There you go That's how you do it With desperate young athletes And then every team that goes in drafts

They thank your city for hosting it That's nice Well with the 30th pick Before we make our pick your city for hosting it. That's nice. Well, with the 30th pick, before we make our pick, we want to thank our hosts here in Vancouver. Oh, that's fun. That's nice. But yeah, so today, I guess not a lot of, not everyone gets their name on their jersey.

They just get the year they're drafted, number 19. Yeah. On the back. But I saw some guys, I saw, I think, four drafted players walking around uh and one of them was drafted by the new york rangers um his name was jones i could see on the back i've looked it up it's zach jones zach jones uh and he was standing with some people outside a restaurant and he was like wiping his Pants off

He was like really kind of like Something had spilled on him or there was a mess Made And a guy, part of his party said Well, still a great day And he had Yeah, still a great day Yeah, yeah, yeah

Got soy sauce all over my pants Zach Jones. Lap full of nachos. But you know what? Your future looks bright. Good for you. He's going to, he's that soy sauce. He's never going to get that mental stain off.

No, right? And plus this, the fact that we humiliated this 18-year-old boy. This 18 year old soon to be millionaire. Yeah, you know, I hope it pans out for him. Third round pick.

Yeah. It's kind of a coin toss. It's dicey. It's dicey. I would kill to be a third round pick. Fourth round even.

Fifth round even. Tenth round. I'd be happy as a clam. Okay, for how long? I don't know. I'd be happy as a clam. Okay. For how long? I don't know. You'd be riding the bus. You'd be riding buses a lot of your life.

I ride a lot of buses now. You're sort of. There you go. You'd be in great shape. Yeah. Yeah. Be in great shape. Be out there doing what I love. You'd make between $60,000 and $90,000 a year. Sounds great. Sign me up coach.

Free Jersey. Free Jersey. Free helmet. Probably at the end of the night, you probably get to know the different hot dog stand owners in the different cities. Free dog at the end of the night. Yeah.

Free dogs. Yeah. Okay. Graham. Uh, uh, just, we're just putting it out here.

I mean, it's 360 days away. Graham is eligible for the 2020 NHL draft. That's right. Where is it being held? Do they know yet? Oh, I heard it might be Montreal. Oh. You know what?

Just can't hurt to put your name forward. Yeah, exactly. What's the worst that could happen? Absolutely. I agree with you guys. Yeah, What's the worst that could happen? Absolutely. I agree with you guys. Yeah, what's the worst that could happen? And I think, like, you shouldn't train, and then if you are drafted, go hard. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Play yourself into shape. Yeah, I'm not going to waste the time if I don't get drafted. Then I'll feel dumb. And if you don't get in shape, you could be a player coach. Yes. There you go. Sure. Done.

You haven't overheard? I do. Here's a thing that I don't know if this happens all the time, but a lot of people don't seem to realize when they're on their phone in public that other people can hear them.

So there was somebody was making some sort of transaction. Not sure if it was a credit card transaction, but it did require a password. Oh boy. And, uh, this gentleman's password was booty except the O's are zeros. So I don't know. Classic. Yeah.

Whenever. Did he have a nice butt? Oh oh that's a good question like is it about his own kind of you know pride yeah yeah maybe he was from the enema place take a lot of pride in our butt too do i whenever i have to do that it's so rare that I have to give a password over the phone that I never remember what it is. So I rattle off like five. Is it this? Is it this?

Yeah. Like, what was your address? What was my address when I signed up for this thing? Yeah. Yeah. It's a... When I had that address, what would my password have been? Yeah, exactly.

Was that like Danger Boner era? Now, we also have overheard sent into us by electronic mail. If you want to send one into us, you can send it into... Go ahead. No, no. You were going to say something?

I feel like, well, it just occurred to me. Any talk about the draft on this, on the text chain? Quite a bit, actually. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Loads. You would have loved it.

What do we think? I thought we were going to talk about this maybe off air. No, no, no. Because it's so boring to people who don't. What about that trade we made? Yeah. Yeah. because it's so boring to people who don't.

What about that trade we made? Yeah, yeah. I think there was universal praise for the pick and universal condemnation for the trade. Yeah. Such is life. That's how it goes. We gave up a first rounder for J.T. Miller. Oh, yeah.

You know what that's like. Well, it's like T.J. Miller except flipped around. Yeah, yeah. I know who it was. I mean, he made that bomb threat. Yeah. Yeah, he was in the Emoji movie. Yeah.

If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to stockpilegagershealth at maximumfund.org. SPY at maximumfund.org. That's right. This first one comes from Eric Hill in, how would you pronounce that? Occo. Oh, boy. Yeah. Oconomowoc?

Oconomowoc? Oconomowoc, Wisconsin. I was in my front yard at sunset watering some plants when two tween girls rode by on their bikes. Girl one, wow, look at the moon. Girl two, that's not the moon that's the sun girl one oh yeah that's what i meant uh sun moon you blew it girl yeah you blew it oh boy yeah you can never it's like accidentally calling your teacher mom yeah forever you'll be remembered as the girl who thought the moon or the sun was the moon yeah

yeah awfully bright today it's so easy too to like be branded with uh oh yeah with a childhood kind of nickname or or association absolutely that do you remember any from when you were younger that there was somebody who was always well i just looked at dave because i assumed that whatever it was was probably dave really daniel we daniel we i was daniel we yeah you're daniel i remember in college the like there were people myself included who got nicknames the first week that like i ran into someone from college and they didn't remember me and I was like and later I was like oh I wonder if you would remember me as Bueller because I knew all the words from the movie. That's what everyone called me.

It's that easy. There was a guy who on the first day they got him to get up and change the channel on the TV. And they were like, we're going to call you Buttons. Done. And I still think of him as Buttons. There's a guy named Mark, but he had pink eye the first week. And in my mind, his name's Pink Eye Pete. Pink Eye Pete.

There was one guy in high school who had a who had a nice hat one day and for five years people called him sweet lid whoa wow that's pretty good it's awesome yeah that that's like one of that's like a a positive one oh yeah yeah yeah those buttons yeah this is great this is sort of neutral. Yeah. You didn't like it. How'd you feel about Bueller? Were you like, I'm more multidimensional than that? It's fine.

Yeah. But it was just literally just people who lived in my dorm. No one else knew me as that. I love it. Before or after. What about you, Graham? Did I get a nickname? Yeah.

I remember there was one guy that I was in several classes with, and for some reason or another, when he asked me what my name was, I said that my name was Hirschfelder, and he misheard it and thought that I said Hash, and so he called me Hash for the rest of the year. Yeah. He just hears one syllable when there's four. Great.

This next one comes from Lester in Durham, North Carolina. This is for work. I was taking photos at a summer camp for academically talented students. Ooh, fun. A class of about 15 8th graders was supposed to be working on group projects. One group of boys was loudly singing

Firework by Katy Perry. Another boy from across the room shouted, if you don't stop singing, I'm going to sit right next to you and blast We Didn't Start the Fire. It's the only way to put out Katy Perry's firework. More fire music. Yeah. Fight fire with fire.

That's right. We're academically gifted. Imagine getting sent to an academically gifted camp. That's punishment. Yeah. You've shown how bright you can shine, and that's what you get? You get sent to nerd camp? You get to a camp setting i mean exile it's basically exile it is exile yeah but would you want to be sent to cool camp yeah but you would stick out yeah that's true but they

needed one nerd to you know uh fix up their machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Save them from... It shoots condoms across the lake. Are they wrapped condoms or are they full of water? Full of water. Yeah. Yeah, no, it's a safe sex cannon. This is a camp for academically and sexually gifted students

Camp Cuck And lastly, from Justin W. Recently, I was on a business trip in Texas For lunch one day, I went to a small Mexican restaurant called El Tapachio. Boy, you are just getting the biggest words thrown at you. I'm telling you. I was seated across the aisle from a family of three, a mother, and her two middle school age sons.

At some point, the boys start to try to translate the name of the place to English. One says, well, I know that Tio means uncle. The other responds, I think Tapa is touch. The first sounding very confused explains, the touchy uncle? Their mom says, no.

Tapa. Did you just tapa that? Very nice Language Yeah Is a barrier But also a bridge Between Culture

Right Yeah Right You know this I'm learning You should know this You go through a border Every day to

To learn about Your book Yeah To learn about what i got wrong um uh his book is out his book is out yeah yeah um my kindle's being weird yeah sure sure i bought it did you yeah oh dave city of omen omens yeah it's out. You can buy it. Okay. I will. You can buy it on Amazon. You can buy it at your bookstore. You didn't have some news? I didn't crack lots of news yet, I don't think.

Lots of news, man. Gotta get on there, though. You'll get there. That's where all the books sell. At airports? Absolutely. The number one selling bookstores are airport bookstores. Really? Yeah. I guess, because you forgot to pack one. Absolutely, you did. Look at this eight-hour flight.

What am I going to do? Watch a bunch of movies and sleep and eat a snack? In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's 1-UGH-SPYPOD-1, like these's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hey Dave, Graham, and guest. This is Ben in Los Angeles.

I was just in a grocery store and there was like a 9-year-old boy in the checkout line with his mom right behind me. And they were just standing there while I was paying for my groceries and he turns to her and says Mom, do you ever get

confused between the difference between Hummers and Jeeps? And she just turned to him and said No. End of story. When you're all grown up you can tell the difference. That was Ben Harrison,

host of Maxim maximum fun show the greatest generation and other star wars content star trek you know what i don't know the difference between jeeps and other jeeps. Yeah. I work right near a jeep dealership. Yeah. And there'll be two identical jeeps side by side, and one will be like $19,000, and one will be like $54,000. Yeah, that's because one has photos

of the prime minister doing stuff. Have you heard this thing where jeep owners wave to each other or have a secret handshake or something when they go by each other? Probably. This is like a thing. This is a sad thing, but it's a thing. We're both trapped in our own realities.

In our Jeep realities. I have a very... I think they only made my model of Subaru for two years. Wow. And they only made the color of my Subaru for one year. And whenever I see another one, I get a little upset that no one is. So the other driver doesn't acknowledge me. Do you honk at them?

You follow them around? Yeah, I follow them around. Like in that Curb Your Enthusiasm with the Priuses. Yes. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Graham. Hi, Dave. Hi, probable guests.

This is Amy from Seattle calling in with an overheard that was actually just something that was said to me. So I was at the movies with my mom, and the trailer for the new Terminator came on. And as soon as Linda Hamilton comes on on screen and she's still wearing her sunglasses my mom leans over to me and says is that meredith baxter bernie all right off i go meredith baxter bernie's back yeah the mom from family ties i think she's just meredith baxter now. She'll be Baxter. Here's your final phone call. Dave Graham, a wonderful guest. This is Andrew

from Kansas City calling with an overheard. I was walking out of B-Dubs tonight, and when I heard a man getting spoken to by his wife outside by the smoking area, and the woman said to presumably her husband,

you can't keep buying $200 worth of slime supplies. And you just can't. And he interrupted her by saying, no, no, I got a selection. All right. Thank you guys. Let me show. Don't worry. I got a method.

Yeah. I got it. It's like a sampler. Yeah. Yeah. Slime supplies. Thank you guys. Love your show. Bye. Don't worry. I got a method. Yeah. Yeah. I got it. It's like a sampler. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Slime supplies. Yeah.

Nice. Do you know, you're too young to make slime. Too young. Your child's too young to make slime. But that's a thing. It's a thing. People make careers on YouTube slime,

right? Yeah. There's YouTube slime, but you can also just, it's like a, just a craft you can make at home. But what, what is YouTube slime?

Is that like where you get slimed? There's just lots of slime can make at home. But what is YouTube slime? Is that where you get slime? There's just lots of slime videos on YouTube. Like how to make or let slime a thing? All kinds of slime. Let's fill a bathtub with slime and put a Spider-Man costume on it. As a grown man. It's funny that YouTube still has so much of that like that that like they're like well it'll evolve as a platform but is it is it still a guy dressed up as spider-man

it's still mostly a slime based platform yeah yeah yeah it's mostly slime and then uh you know if you if you click on one, all right video, then it just, that becomes your whole feed. Yeah. That's yeah. Okay. The slime is like the gateway drug to the alt-right.

Go slime videos, proud boys with slime. And then just hard and vivo videos. Yeah. Then that's where you get to see all the, all the great. Oh yeah. Yeah. Uh, the, the official video, yourivo videos. Yeah. That's where you get to see all the great hits. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

The official videos. The official videos. You can tell it's official because it says Rihanna Vivo as the user. I don't know how soon I just accepted that Vivo was the last word in music videos, but I did. videos but yeah i did when we uh when we were thinking about making that music video podcast and we noticed that all the canadian videos were not vivo they were just someone taped them off tv yeah yeah they uh yeah it was a lot of much music content uh was that was like just like digitizing their old vhs's yeah you know what what I think? For me, if I see in all caps, official video, I just believe it. Oh.

If it's in all caps, I'm like, yeah, this must be true. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is a stamp. They don't hand out caps just to anybody. Official. Spider-Man suit slime video. Bathtub slime Spider-Man. Official.

And then does he just sit in the slime or does he make spider-man noises or catchphrases what kind of noises does spider-man make i guess oh like web slinging yeah yeah web slinging here's. Yeah. Web slinging. Here's the noises Spider-Man makes. Oh. Ow. Yikes. Spider-Man noises. It's great.

Yeah. Friendly neighborhood noises. Dan. Graham. This brings us to the end of this podcast, man. Yeah. Time marches on. Time sees a flyer.

Yeah. This book, people can order it online they can go to their local bookstore i just love that we're talking about this again north america wide this book yeah north america you can get it yeah yeah and and like where where are you online where can people learn more i'm on twitter'm on Twitter. Yeah. At DanWerb, maybe? Or DM, DMWerb. I think it's DMWerb. Okay. Not to be confused with DeantWerb.

Yeah. I have a private Instagram. Okay. So check that out. Yeah, Twitter. Twitter mostly. Yeah. But check that out. Yeah, Twitter. Twitter mostly. Yeah. But yeah,

I buy the book. It's, I wrote it. Yeah. Congratulations. Thanks. Thank you very much. Congratulations, Daniel.

We're very proud of you. Thank you, David. I give you a hard time, but it's because I love you. Yeah. We talked about loving each other on the text thread before.

We have our own private non-hockey text thread. Most of the content is about, hey, what's going on in that hockey text thread? Mostly just screen grabs. Yeah. Of Spider-Man in a slime tub. You've got to see this official video. It's official, guys. It's from Spider-Man Slime Tub Vivo.

Oh, and speaking of things you can buy, our official shirts. Official shirts. Yeah. We finally got our official shit together and made Stop Podcasting Yourself shirts with the actual logo. A blue shirt. The official logo. Amazing. Vivo official stamped out.

So go to maxfundstore.com for those. It's a comfortable cotton shirt. It's not a pleather shirt. Well. And thank you all. And come see us in Montreal also. Yeah july 26th in a hotel it'll be fun yeah and uh what hotel uh i want to say the double tree by holton oh yeah yeah yeah and uh prior to that if you're into seeing things i'll be in winnipeg doing quiz show as part of the Winnipeg Fringe Festival. So I'll be there for 10 days or so.

And thank you all for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.