Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 59 - Nicole Passmore

Episode Date: April 19, 2009

Improvisor and sketch machine Nicole Passmore joins us to talk Ghostbusters 2, failed firsts, and we stuntcast Golden Girls (a real challenge).

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 59 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and joining me as always is a man who killed the bar when he was only three, Mr. Dave Schumke. Oh, that's Davy Crockett? That was Davy Crockett, yes.

Yes, that's also me apparently. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Just catching up, great. Yeah, well, thanks for me, apparently. Yeah. Okay. Just catching up. Great. Yeah, well, thanks for coming in again. And joining us here on the planet Earth as our guest today, a very funny lady, improviser

and sketch comedian, Miss Nicole Passmore. Hello. Welcome. Welcome to you guys. Oh, thank you for welcoming us us it's very nice of you welcome to having me at your house oh this is the best welcoming session we've done yet yes it's true so before we uh yeah what we like to start with always is a little segment we like to call get to know us get to know us for the for the home listener or wherever you are uh i want i like to paint a

picture of what's going on in the room and graham and i are the two people sitting like ladies yes we've got our legs crossed and i've got a parasol so daintyty. And Nicole is also ladylike, but not as ladylike as Graham and I. I keep dropping my handkerchief in the hopes that Nicole will pick it up to prove her chivalrous nature. Wow. No, no, see, I should be dropping my handkerchief so that you two ladies bend over seductively and pick it up. That's not how the handkerchief drop works. That's how sexy works. That is how sexy works. That's true. It's the how the handkerchief drop works. That's how sexy works. That is how sexy works.

That's true. It's a modern day handkerchief drop. Yeah, it's like a modern day handkerchief. Although these days people would drop like an iPod or a Twitter. Yeah, they would drop a Twitter. Excuse me, I dropped my Twitter.

Can you pick it up? Can you virtually pick it up? The lawnmower man. Stop nudging me and virtually pick up my dropped Twitter. Yeah. Stop poking me. It is to laugh. So, Nicole, what's going on with you?

What's the latest? The latest. Fill us in. What's happening? Okay. Hit us where it hurts. Hit you where it hurts? Hmm latest. Fill us in. What's happening? Okay. Hit us where it hurts. Hit you where it hurts? Hmm.

I don't know. I'm going to Ottawa this coming week. Why? Our nation's cap. Our nation's capital. Someone the other day called it the big smoke. No, that's Toronto's the big smoke. I don't know why they called that the big smoke.

I don't even know why that makes sense for a city. Unless it's got a lot of smoke. Toronto's the big smoke though, right? Or Hogtown. Or T-Dot. No, Hogtown is... I thought Calgary was Hogtown. No, that's Cowtown. Cowtown. Hamilton is Steel Town. Steel Town. True. Also Pittsburgh. It's also Steel Town?

Yep. You can have one in every country. Detroit is Rock City. The hardest working city in america um why are you going to ottawa well hockey town it's also hockey hockey town but hockeyville is smithers this year yeah it changes every year smithers they won this year good for them congratulations to our listeners and smithers Way to go, guys. You really pulled through. Keep up the good work. Some top drawer stuff.

Well, I'm going to Ottawa because I guess I'll explain this. There's a competition between high school kids for improv. The CIG. The CIG is what we call it. It's the Canadian Improv Games. Okay. it it's the canadian improv games okay and it's all over canada yeah and if you win in your region as they call it you go to nationals you're not a high school i'm not a high school kid i'm well out of high school uh but i coach a high school team and they won is it the high school you went to? No, it's not even. Improv teams have coaches?

Did you know that? Yeah. Taz was mine. Really? Yeah. That's fun. Taz is a funny bearded man for those of you out there. Do you shower after? That doesn't happen, right? There's no showering after improv. Oh, okay. But let her go ahead. No, no.

No, that's not how it works. What if somebody gives you a shower as a suggestion? You have to take it. You have to take a shower. Otherwise, you're just not using the suggestion. But, yeah, so I coach a team. Well, they're PW. They're Prince of Wales.

So they made it. So they're going to Ottawa? They're going to Ottawa. Wow. But I just get the free trip because I'm their coach. They're going to stay up late and drink a lot of pop. That's my guess. Drink a lot of pop.

Because they're all high school. They can't drink, right? Well, they're not supposed to. What is the drinking age in Ottawa? Is that 19? You can cross over to Quebec. You can cross over to Quebec. You can go to Hull, and it's 18.

It's now Gatineau. It's Gatineau? Gat got no no yeah oh Hull has gone French wow and yeah so it's Alberta and Quebec are the two 18 year old drinking provinces yeah ah so they're gonna go and get hammered they're not 18 even oh they're 17 and none of them have fake IDs? Yes. Can they improv a fake ID? Hello, sir. My name is Sir Charles Winston Harrington. And I am 38. And royalty.

I am 30 of 8. I am 30 pieces of 8. That's how old people say it. When you were in high school, did your high school win and go to Ottawa? No. No, me neither. We competed. We came sixth in BC.

We came second, which stung even more. Wait, second in BC? Uh-huh. Oh, wow. Because now the second place team gets to go as well. Oh, okay. It's like the, you know, they changed it. So then the third place team is like ah crap fuck

just so unhappy so uh who pays for that i hope our tax dollars it's not your tax dollars um that's assuming i pay tax dollars yeah you don't pay tax dollars um well we did a bunch of fundraising we did a bunch of shows and random things and also it's a really rich school and it's a really rich school sorry guys you're a rich school um i got lots of money so how uh take me through it how does an improv team like i don't actually know i've seen improv games uh how does it work like is it a round robin tournament and then whoever is that how it works or it's just baseball yeah um they have to compete in a bunch of events i guess you would call them uh so there's one where like they have to do a story and there's one where they have to focus on character and so on.

And who judges this? A bunch of improvisers from across Canada. Experts, quote unquote. Quote unquote. So, well, wow. That's going to be fun. When do you get to go do that? Monday. And that's a week? That's a week in Ottawa. That's going to be great.

A week in Ottawa. There's all sorts of things going on in Ottawa. Living the high life. What if they get eliminated early? Still a week? Still a week in Ottawa. Oh, that's going to be great. A week in Ottawa. There's all sorts of things going on in Ottawa. Living the high life. What if they get eliminated early? Still a week? Still a week, yeah. Oh, yeah, we're staying the whole week. Oh, that's pretty done. No matter what happens.

I hope they don't. Yeah, what do you care? Well, what do you mean? No, no, okay, I guess you care. I care. But either, like, you're not actually competing. We're all there. Yeah, I'm the coach. I'm the one beforehand being like, okay, guys actually competing. We're all there. Yeah, I'm the coach.

I'm the one beforehand being like, okay, guys. Remember. Let's do it. Let's do it. Remember, don't do anything scripted. Yes. Unless it's funny, right?

Right? Is that the rule? No. No, it's not the rule. When I did it, there was one, everyone had to do, what was it called? It was a scene that wasn't supposed to be funny life oh life that was not what we called it there it's

had like a hundred different names but they call it so what it's a scene that's not supposed to be yeah it's like a dramatic scene you improv a dramatic scene it's supposed to be like a genuine scene and it's terrible because there's always like one girl who's like oh my mom's dying and then i got in a car crash and my father has cancer now that's their idea of serious everyday real life to them cancer of the car crash or there's there's the cliche um like they always get these crappy suggestions, like a pivotal moment in a teenager's life. And they always get something like, sex. Your first abortion.

Puberty. Well, and they take it such a ridiculous way. So there's always one where it's like, we had sex and now I regret it. And I hate those the most because it's so obvious those people have never had sex they're like 14 on stage like oh tommy take off my bra now oh tommy take off my bra now i had a nickel for every time i heard that this is getting me hot um well that's gonna be cool that's a that's a fun it seems like it'd be fun are high school kids still annoying is that mine mine aren't like the team that i coach they're not they're all

right they're pretty cool nice but remember how annoying you were when you were in high school oh yeah like i'm sure these kids are annoying but just not as annoying as all the other ones no they're cool no they're pretty. Maybe you're able to put yourself in an annoying mindset. You know they listen to this, right? No, they don't. Yes, they do. Oh, well. Have they listened before? Oh, yeah. Oh, neat. Yeah, they're regulars.

Well, best of luck to the Prince of Wales improv team. Walesman? The POWs, they're called. The POWs. Yeah called. The POWs. Yeah, the POWs. Dave, let's get to know you. What's going on with you?

Well... Tell me all about it. We recorded an episode two days ago. I know. So that'll be out this weekend. This won't be out until the following weekend. You'll be back from Ottawa by the time. You will have won slash lost slash tied for first.

Or second. No, I doubt it. I got a good feeling about this team. You got a good feeling about tied for first? Is there a place that I can lay bets on tied for first? I doubt it. But tomorrow, I'll just...

Out with it, Dave. I had a beard. Yeah, I miss it already. it. Out with it, Dave. I had a beard. Yeah, I miss it already. And then I shaved it off. Why? Why did you shave it off? Well, tomorrow is Easter, and I'm going to church at my mother's church. Are you the C&E crowd?

Don't know what that means. Christmas and Easter. Yeah, I'm usually just the Christmas crowd. But my dad was like, hey, Dave, do you want to come for brunch this year? And I was like, sure. So I guess you'll be coming to see your mother sing. Oh, is she singing? Like Beyonce did.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go on. She trains like Beyonce. She sings while running around a track. True. Is that true okay well maybe i'm thinking of what's beyonce what's beyonce's sister clementine oh what is her name buckaroo solange yep um anyway uh yeah so and every time i go to church there's always like i i went to church from when i was two weeks old till i was 17 yeah and every time i go back i see the kids of

my mother's friends and they're all they all have beards and ponytails and face piercings. And they're just, I didn't want to be grouped in with them. That's why you shaved your beard? Pretty much. But I was going to shave it eventually. I would have just shaved it into like a really big mustache and then worn some kind of like powder blue jacket and made like you were a televangelist. I would have had, if I were a male and you, I would have left the little Hitler patch and then a little bit across the top of the lip, right?

And then a little soul patch. So you had a little crucifix. Like a little crucifixed. That's pretty good. I'll tell you what I did. Yesterday, I shaved it, except I kept a mustache that went to uh like the sides of my mouth yeah uh just for a day because all out like a hulk hogan no like a tom selleck oh okay so not

a straight down yeah um and uh just because i like to party yeah and it's a fun thing to do for a day and you always forget you have it so people give you weird looks and you just wave especially when you're eating a cookie and you're like it's just good it's just crumbs galore because it's dusting the cookie i think isn't that what they call it cookie duster yeah sure dusting for print uh anyway so this morning i thought it would be funny to shave it into like a super thin John Waters Vincent Price mustache. How'd it go? I was doing that this morning and then it got my, I have brown hair, but my beard is red and brown in different parts. And as I was shaving it.

It's a lot of fun. Two face of beards? Half red, half brown? It's more like brindled. Mottled. Piebald. So I did that but it wasn't just one color. There were just

pops of dark hair coming through the red. It looked like a tortoiseshell... Oh, like tortoiseshell glasses? Yeah. Oh, wow. That's cool. But it was cool from close up,

but from far away, it just looked like I had five black spots on my upper lip. Yes. So that's gone. Oh, man. Well, you know what? You're a handsome man.

You don't need to have a beard. Although it's exposed my many chins. Oh, get out. What do you have? Get out of town. Just the two. Yeah. I've got a beautiful body.

I'm back to being the only one bearded. Well, not today. Burn. Oh. How? Jesus. Really funny. I know, right?

I've got it going on. Okay, wait. Let me just tell everyone out here that one of the first times I hung out with Mr. Dave Shumka, we went bowling. Uh-huh. I don't remember this. Yeah, he doesn't remember this, but we were bowling at this place. There was a bunch of people.

It was for a friend's birthday. Did he at any point call you garbage? No. Okay. What he did call me, I wasn't on his team team so that's why he didn't call me yeah if you're on his team he will call you garbage at some point but there were these little letters tough coach that kept popping up on the video screen that told you your scores and h popped up next to my name at one point and i went what do those letters mean and he just looked at me and deadpan went

oh, it's because you're a homo. It's very classy. I just would like to say I meant no disrespect to our homosexual listeners fighting overseas right now. Just me.

Yeah. I meant a special disrespect to Nicole Passman. So now that is out of the way. Well, you should have rolled with it. Improv. Take it as a suggestion.

When the C came up next to your name, I called you a cunt. But I took it way too far. That is too far. I'm sorry. That's probably one of the annoying things about improv. Like whenever some, like not whenever, but when you're a comedian, people will come up and tell you ideas for jokes

or they'll ask you to be funny or tell them a joke. But when you tell someone you do improv, do they give you a scene? You're a green grocer. Go. Is it constantly like, oh, what are you going to make out of that? Sometimes. Cha-cha-cha. Yeah.

And especially because I do. Family reunions are probably the big one. No, my family's okay. It's random people. Like you'll tell somebody that you've just met and they'll be like, or you'll be at a job interview met and they'll be like or you know you'll be at a job interview and they'll be like well can you give us a little improv no yeah yeah no i can't i'm sorry a suggestion i'm not gonna do that but see the thing is a job interview can

i have an occupation get out of here thanks i think that you know what it is i think it's robin williams is the guy that's given everybody. They've painted everybody with the Robin Williams brush because he does that. Whenever he's on talk shows and people are like, just go nuts. And then he does. And so they just assume everybody of that similar ilk, anybody who does any improv whatsoever, must have that same kind of manic need to perform in every. We're not all Robin Williams. No, we're very few. Fewer Robin Williams. improv whatsoever, must have that same kind of manic need to perform in every...

We're not all Robin Williams. No. We wish. You're very few. Fewer Robin Williams, from what I gather. I just tell people I'm a magician if they say that I'm... Can you do some magic? Yeah, no, when they say...

I've got a deck of cards. I recognize you from somewhere. I go, I'm a magician. And they say, can I see a trick? I'm like, well, you can't ask, but just to reveal. Yeah, or else you won't have a first child. Anyway, should we get to know Graham? Why not?

He's got a beer in his mouth. Yesterday was the first day off that I've had since January. Like a day off that wasn't just like a Sunday or whatever. And so this is like, I didn't have to do anything. The whole day was just laid out before me. I could just do whatever I want. It was a real Ferris Bueller kind of thing because I woke up really early. And I have the house to myself.

My roommate is out of town. So it was just I couldn't even decide what to do with the day. There were so many fun things that I thought of. And Ghostbusters was on TV, both one and two in succession, on a channel that didn't show any commercials. Yeah, and then Caddyshack one and two was on later. Which I also watched. So I just kept that channel on.

There's two TVs in my house, one in the living room and one in the kitchen. And I put them both on that so that any room I was in, I'd be enjoying classic. Bill Murray movies. Classic Bill Murray comedies. And so it was a pretty fantastic kind of day. And I was watching, you and I talked on the phone last week about Ghostbusters 2. Have you seen Ghostbusters and Ghostbusters 2?

Are you a fan? I like Ghostbusters. Yeah, right? I grew up in the 80s. How amazing. The question I'm asking today is, how was there never a third of that? Because the first two were pretty excellent, right? Was that not a movie?

Well, the second was not excellent. No, it's better than you remember. Did you watch it yesterday? No. Wait, wait, wait. When was the last time you saw it? In the theater five times. Probably twice. Let's say twice. Wait, wait, wait. When was the last time you saw it? In the theater five times. Probably twice.

Let's say twice. Yeah, I saw it when I was a kid and then probably not since I was a kid. Maybe once since I was a kid. When was the last time you saw it? A couple of years ago, a few years ago. Yeah, it's... On TV. It's better than you think.

It's worse than you imagine it could be, but it's better than you remember it being. Maybe they all got too famous. Was that it? Except for that nerdy one. And the black guy. And the black guy. Yeah, he was on Oz. What about Rick Moranis?

He's not gotten too famous. He gave up show business. Really? Yeah, he retired from it. He seemed really well cut out for it. I don't know what that means. Not too much? No, no, he did. Why would he give it up?

I think it had enough success. All the pressure to be thin. But here's the thing that I watched Ghostbusters 2. And there was a scene where the ghost Titanic pulls into the port. Okay. Right? I'm glad it had a successful journey.

And there was... They cut to these two guys that I guess are supposed to be at the port. And one of them is some guy and the other guy is Cheech Marin. And he goes, you know, something better late than never or something like that. But it makes no sense. There's no reason for him to have that cameo because the other guy isn't Chong. So it's just Cheech for no reason. And then later on in the movie, I think they must have not had something

to cut between two scenes so there's a scene of something happening I think it's the Statue of Liberty walking through the water and then for no reason it cuts to the exact same shot of Cheech Marin going what? and that's it, it's just like a one second shot and I thought it was odd

and also Bobby Brown makes an appearance in the movie yeah yeah yeah a couple of weeks ago i did the bobby brown rap from his song on our own and then i posted a clip of that song a live version because you can't often post the video you can't embed a video in a blog uh usually for whatever reason. The record companies don't like it, so they disable it. I'm talking too much tech talk.

But the rap was, too hot to handle, too cold to hold. We're called the Ghostbusters and we're in control. Had us throwing a party for a bunch of children, and all the while the slime was under the building. So we packed up a group, got a grip, came a grip, got the proton packs on our backs and we split. Found out about Viggo the Master of Evil. Try to battle my boys.

That's not legal. And Bobby Brown does the rap. But I guess he performed this after the movie came out. And he still wanted to keep the song. Because it's a good song. Yeah, and it only mentions Ghostbusters once. He's not like Ray Parker Jr. where the song is called Ghostbusters.

So he wanted to update the rap. Did anybody would go to a Bobby Brown concert and after leaving like, I can't believe you didn't do the Ghostbusters song. So he does the rap, but he changes a lyric

I guess to distance himself from Ghostbusters. He says, too hot to handle, too cold to hold. My name's B. Brown and I'm in control, not Ghost. Brown and I'm in control. Not Ghostbusters and they're in control. But then the rest of the rap is all the same parts.

The whole plot of Ghostbusters 2. So like doing a party for the kids and there's slime under the building? Yeah. And he's got a proton pack. So I thought that was really, really funny. It's funny because obviously that was part of the contract that he have a cameo in Ghostbusters 2. So there's a scene where they've been shipped off to a mental institution and Bobby Brown for some reason is the guy who works the door.

Does he have a weird asymmetrical? Yeah, he's got the weird angular, triangular haircut that he had. And so he doesn't look like he has a job there. He looks very out of place. They obviously just couldn't find a scene that would make sense for him to... And he actually says,

Yeah, hey, my cousin's a real fan of you guys. Can I get one of them proton packs? And I think Bill Murray, who can barely disguise the disgust that he has that he has to do this scene. For the second that it takes to do this scene, he goes,

yeah, they're not a toy. And then Bobby Brown just goes, oh, yeah. Like he forgot the line that followed that. I think you figured out why there was no third movie. Because it would be full of cameos and Bill Murray couldn't take it. He probably was

the clincher. Yeah, you think? Yeah, well, he's the only one who was really famous, or getting to be. That's true. Dan Aykroyd. Dan Aykroyd, that's true. Although, what's he done since? That guy's had, Dan Aykroyd has had a real, like, up and down kind of career.

He's been in some of the biggest movies and then also some of the worst things ever. So I've always found him to be very unlikable. Yeah. I've never understood. That's a weird thing. I've never really, because they always say that about like old saturday night live they're like that original cast and then you see footage of it and you're like it's dan akroyd like he's doing impression of the president but he's got a mustache

like it doesn't make any sense yeah and is he yeah he's supposed to be j Carter and they had Chevy Chase doing Gerald Ford but kept the full head of hair yeah like now you on SNL like if you're the character like they've got Fred Armisen does the Barack Obama and they stick out his ears yeah they stick out his ears

his face has been all darkened and he's got like a wig that looks like his haircut it's the same when they did John McCain they had I think it was Daryl Hammond was doing and he's got a wig that looks like his haircut. It's the same when they did John McCain. They had, I think it was Daryl Hammond was doing John McCain. But back then it was just, put on a tie, now you're Gerald Ford. It was like the laziest square.

I kind of like that, though. You kind of like that there was just a guy with the mustache? Hey, I'm the president. It's distracting. True, but do you really believe that Fred Armisen is Barack Obama? I want to believe it. You want to believe it, but do you? No, you're right, I don't. So I kind of think it's a little bit of swagger to just go out on stage.

Hey, go out white and just put on some pointy Spock ears and be Barack Obama. some pointy Spock ears and be Barack Obama. What do you think about somebody who's in a sketch show, though, and insists on keeping like a mustache? That kind of doesn't work for sketch, does it? Well, yeah, I guess

it depends on what you're doing. Either they're always going to have to play the sleazy character in every scene, which is fine. That's fine, I guess. It's a funny character. But, like, what's his name? Eric, was it Eric Idle in Monty Python that had, like, super long hair?

And so all the characters he played, he had to, like, wear a wig. But the wigs, if you see it, if you look at it now, like, you can tell that there's hair bunched up because his hairline goes, whoop, like it slopes backwards because he's got a mountain of hair. Yeah, but that's way less distracting than a mustache. That's true, eh? Yeah, that seems like... Have you ever been in a...

Because you do sketch. Yes. Do you have anybody in your sketch situations that has a mustache? No, because it's me and Caitlin Fontana. So neither of you have a mustache yet. We're called Pony Hunters. Pony Hunters? Yeah.

That's great. And the improv group is? Rosa Parks Improv. Right. You're not sitting on the back of the bus. It's all women. No, it's all... Yeah, they're both all female.

All black women. I do other improv with... You're black, right? I'm... Theater of the mind. This is podcast right therefore no black people listen uh no i mean therefore no i meant i could trick them i'm not black none of us are black um african canadian african canadian sorry uh but uh yeah that's yeah i'm not black

just for the record um so none of you guys have mustaches no no but okay but the opposite when we're trying to play male characters we don't go on stage in dresses you know right like you wear what do you wear suits or whatever yeah like when we when we're costuming ourselves we try to look like that we don't like put on push-up bras and wear a cleavage revealing shirt and right right right but you dress neutrally neutrally you you allow the characterization to come out of the characterization or or you know like i've gone on stage wearing fake mustaches or, you know, stuff like that. That's a lot of fun. Would you be able to take

somebody seriously that just had a mustache? A fake one? No, like, just in everyday life. Like, if you saw, if you were having some sort of interaction with somebody who just had a mustache, would that be... Are they wearing clothes? Yeah, yeah. No, say that they're even

well-dressed. Okay. Like, say they're even well-dressed. Okay. Say they're a well-dressed individual, but also have just a mustache. No beard. What kind of mustache? There's a full range. Well, not something kooky that has a twist at the end, like somebody riding a velocipede or something like that. Just a regular, just a mustache.

Any style you want to envision is fine yeah i think it really suits some people i yeah i do think and like you have no problem with it it's fine this guy has well like your mustache doesn't connect with your beard you could probably just do mustache sometimes i think about it sometimes i think about just having a mustache my landlord has a mustache and uh i have about it. Do you fantasize? And I have to respect him. Your landlord? Mm-hmm. I feel like it depends on the texture of the hair and the color in combination. Oh, yeah?

Yeah, like, if you have, like, a really dark mustache and it's, like, a little bit greasy, I'm not going to respect you. What about the mustache I have? If there was no beard accompanying it, could I pull it off? Yeah, I think I would. All right. i have if there was no beard accompanying it yeah i think i would all right like if you were like up to a point if you were like a very prominent businessman sure okay but like the ceo maybe i'd be like whoa the ceo party's on the weekend oh okay so you would you would see a ceo with a mustache and be like it would be an endorsement yeah ah wouldn't be a strike like

a strike against them no No, not at all. Nice. Okay, well, that's good to know. You know, I'd take them seriously, but I'd be like... But you'd like, you'd know that there's something else there. Yeah. How do you feel about NDP leader Jack Layton? Because he's got a mustache.

He's all business except for mustache. You don't think about him very much. I don't think about him very much. No, well, yeah. Who can blame you? I don't think that his mustache helps him. No, I would probably agree. Politically.

What do you think? A politician with a mustache. That's kind of different. Like a CEO with a mustache, you're like, you go have fun, do whatever you have to do, but a politician is somebody in charge. He's also bald on top, isn't he? He is. Or he's got a bit of a comb over.

He's got a little island there. There's an island in the stream. And you don't often see that in other countries' party leaders. Baldness? At least the United States. No, not you. Well. John McCain was a little bit.

He's all comb over. Oh, I think at his age it's allowed. What point am I trying to make? I don't know. Very frustrating to listen to. Vote McCain. Yeah, I don't know.

He is our only bald, straight up bald politician. I mean, we've had them like Trudeau. Trudeau was a comb over yeah and bald yeah that's true actually we talked about trudeau a couple weeks ago yeah uh we had a call about trudeau can i play it yeah hey stop podcasting yourself uh my name is chris i'm a student at the university of toronto and i also do stuff at the radio station here, and I'm actually just calling you from our radio station.

I was just listening to episode number 56 with Ryan Beal, and here at the university I study at a place called the Trudeau Center for Peace and Conflict Studies, and it's funded by the Trudeau family. And as I was listening to the Ryan Beal episode, I was just getting to the part where he said that he wished the Trudeaus would be more like the Kennedys and start dying. And I started laughing out loud because I was in the Trudeau Center. As soon as I started laughing out loud, and this actually happened,

Justin Trudeau walked into the Center because he was apparently there for some kind of fundraiser. So I had to leave the room and try to conceal my Titanic laughter that I had just been listening to a podcast that was advocating his death. Okay, just thought I'd tell you about the greatest coincidence that's ever happened to me. Great podcast. Thanks a lot. When he says Titanic coincidence, he means the type of laughter you would hear as the Titanic was sinking. As a ghost Titanic? Yeah, would hear on the titanic as in yeah crazed and desperate

a panicky scared laughter um the titanic the titanic uh it never made it right no right like that was the first sale like i didn't see the movie uh yeah it was it's made it, right? No. Like, that was the first sailing. I didn't see the movie. Yeah, it was its first sailing. And this is my favorite thing when I was in the summer. I was in Belfast, which is where the Titanic was put together. And the motto, the city motto of Belfast right now, it's plastered everywhere, is very, very funny. It was fine when it left.

There's a picture of the Titanic. And the slogan is, it was fine when it left. Wow. Yeah, and I did a show there on stage. I said, I love the slogan that you have here. It's Belfast. It was, and everybody chimes in, fine when it left. So that's their, yeah it's because they is that a new motto yeah yeah yeah it's kind of they suddenly decide to defend themselves

in the wake of the popularity of the movie from 10 years ago because uh one of their big landmarks there is the yard where the titanic was built it used to be like a really prominent shipbuilding city but it is no longer but uh the titanic yeah didn't make it to its destination unsinkable molly brown did and they wrote a musical about her called the unsinkable but the the hindonburg blew up but not the same day. Right. That wasn't the first, though, was it? But it was like... Well, Titanic wasn't the first boat. No, I mean, that wasn't the first flight.

Was it the first flight? I don't know. I was going to say... Oh, yeah, the Hindenburg, because the idea was that... It was hydrogen was what it floated with. And that was the first time that they had done a hydrogen flight. And from what I know, it collided with a thing and lit on fire. So they tested it for the first time with people?

Or did they test it before? That's a good question. I assume that they would have tested it without people. But back then, life wasn't as valuable. But anytime there's something that's the big first thing that people care about, like this mode of transportation, it seems to end in disaster. No, but you know what that does bring up? That's a good kind of, like, topic line for anybody to kind of write in or call in about is a huge failed first that you tried to attempt.

Because I'm sure in my life there's been many failed firsts where I've tried to... We both went dirty with that one. Yeah, I don't know what's wrong with you guys. Although, yes, that also was a failed first. Have you ever had a failed first where is it the first time ever that you've done something and it was a complete and abject failure driving yeah i don't drive you you can't do you don't have a driver's license i am 24 and i don't have a

driver's license i know a lot of lady my lady friend uh does not have a driver's license. My lady friend does not have a driver's license. I actually know quite a few women that don't have a driver's license. Your lady... Wait, no. You yourself. If you're someone's lady friend.

You've already called me a homo. I didn't intend on that. And intimated that you had some sort of beard and normal stache. Your friend's lady friend, i.e. you. I object to this. It's a riddle. I object to this because nobody knows what I look like

so they're probably imagining some hideous, like, bearded... Can I tell them the truth? They're thinking Paula Poundstone is on this podcast. Paula Poundstone never had a beard. No, nor was she. Giant shoulder pads. I think in my youth I found her quite attractive.

Really? Not quite attractive, but like maybe in kind of like a Rosie O'Donnell Ellen DeGeneres way. Where did you guys go with that? Hilarious? Delightful. Delightful. way where did you guys go with that hilarious uh delightful delightful uh nicole passmore is a lovely looking lady thank you and uh is a complete hetero yeah 100 straight as an arrow um dave any failed firsts? Episode one of this podcast, I think You felt that was a failure? Yeah, we rubbed our beards on the microphones

Oh yeah, that's right I listened back to that a few months ago I never have I've never gone back I always look forward Yeah That's my policy That's why you're such a success

Yeah, don't look back at the You're gonna win this riding That's why I went Oh yeah, that Yeah, don't look back at the... You're going to win this riding. That's why I went, oh, yeah, that's the thing that happened today. For the TV show that I'm working on, we decided it would be a good idea if I tried to run for MLA seat in the upcoming... Member of the Legislative Assembly. Correct.

In the provincial election. Provincial being a province ofc for anybody who doesn't live in canada uh and uh so one of the things you have to have 250 dollars you have to fill out reams of paperwork and then you have harry reams and then you have to that was a porn actor from the 70s what's the name of the guy from uh ain't it cool news harry knoll. I have to fill out Knowles of paperwork. And I also have to get 75 signatures from people who live within the riding where I'm running.

So I stood out on a street corner today asking passersby if they would sign my thing. That sounds humiliating. I'm wearing a tie right now. I'm wearing a tie and a fairly nice uh pierre cardan shirt um and yeah i stood out on the street corner and it's it is fairly

you you do all of a sudden have a renewed sense of what it must be like for the panhandler to be standing on the street corner and just to be made to feel like he or she does not exist. And you're doing it as a joke, too. Well, not necessarily. It's not as much of a joke as it is a step-by-step how-to. Right. That's more the point. But you're not, like a panhandler is intending to get money.

Yeah, I'm not intending to win. But here's what happened. I was standing out there and I was getting these signatures. Over the course of the day, people would ask, well, what is your platform? So I made up a platform, which is a pretty good platform. I was against this and I was for that.

And then this one lady came up and she was wearing a pin from the BC Liberals. And she said, well, what are you doing? And I said, oh, I'm getting signatures for a nomination to run in the election. And then I saw she was standing with four other people, one of which was somebody who was like a legitimate liberal, the liberal candidate in that riding. Big time.

Yeah, and then she took me to task on it but i felt i held my uh my ground pretty effectively why did she do that see you have every right to be doing what you're doing she didn't say that i didn't but she certainly was asking a lot of questions okay and then i asked her i said how do you how do you contend with this non-stop rejection does she need 75 signatures if they're a legitimate party? No, yeah, everybody. Everybody needs 75 signatures. I know, but she gets it immediately.

I assume that there would be like a network in place. They probably look up their list of people who support the party. Yeah, they have donors. But for somebody who... The basic thing is I wanted to figure out if John Q Lunchbox wanted to run for a seat. What do you have to do?

This is what you have to do. And you can, I guess you could go door to door, but mostly you just have to stand on a street corner and you're riding and get enough. You have to get 75 signatures, which doesn't sound like a lot. signatures, which doesn't sound like a lot, but when you consider that I've probably asked over 250 people if they would sign it, and I've only yet still only have 60 signatures.

Yeah, it could be it's pretty... And a lot of people, like they said, you know, like if you were running, say you wanted to run for office for whatever reason. I could do it. Yeah, I got the face for it. You do, you do, Doesn't he? Well, now that your beard and mustache are gone.

It's a face you can trust. You have nothing to hide anymore. The weird thing was is every time that somebody had some degree of hesitancy when I said that I was running as an independent, that washed it away. Yeah.

Because they said, well, who are you running for? I'm an independent. Okay, give it to me. I'll sign it. And one guy, he said, okay, before I sign it, what do you think these Olympics are going to turn out? I was like, I think they'll be a disaster.

Okay! And he took it and he signed it. He was very... I don't know what kind of position that is to have as a politician. Yeah, you can't change it now. Exactly. You have no bearing on what happens except to predict whether or not it will be a disaster did he mean how many gold medals would we win yeah yeah that's what he meant i uh but any uh bumpers out there that have any stories of a

really a failed first time i'm interested this is is Graham's first time running for office. Yeah. This is my first time running for office. And you can send us them to stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. Or you can call them in. 206-339-8328. But it's a long distance number. People that are listening don't know that you did the fake crying fist. I forget that this is live. The crying fist below the eye.

Yeah. Is that because the one guy called in? Yeah, it is. Sorry, guy. You're nice, probably. Yeah, he can go F himself. Phone himself long distance. You want to do some over erds over erds

over erds over heard henry iggins yeah let's not go to that l o um we as per tradition we usually ask the guest first, and therefore, Nicole Passmore. You got it over, you ready? Yes. You packing? I don't know whether it will be funny to anyone. Well, let us be the judges.

Okay, okay. Let me in my crazy life. I take public transit a lot, so I have a gathering of over-erds. Over-erds. Because there's a lot of crappy people on public transit. Crap masters. Crap masters. They're my voters.

Crap masters. But I'll use, well, I have two. One of them is just, it's not even funny. It's just kind of disturbing there was a woman on the sky train the uh yeah the sky train yeah and uh and she was talking on the phone to probably a friend she's like i know it's just so annoying he's just spending all his time in the hotel room he's not coming out he just keeps complaining about how he's not feeling well blah blah blah and being just kind of a bitch and then she's like i mean i know it's the norwalk virus but get over it oh man oh poor guy god he needs to dump her in the Ronald McDonald house.

I've had the Norwalk virus. How bad is it? Have you really? Yeah, yeah. A couple years ago at Christmas, my brother and I both got it. On a cruise ship? No. It was that same year, I think, when it was rampant on cruise ships.

I don't know. He picked it up from somewhere and then he gave it. It's very, very airborne. It's very contagious. Yeah, and I caught it. And we both, we were out. I spent my entire Christmas in bed. Just sick as a dog. In bed.

Yeah, I spent my whole Christmas in bed. In bed. Is there a furniture store called Norwalk, the furniture idea? I don't know. Yes. I think so. Is it Norwalk? I don't know. That's why I so. Is it Norwalk? I don't know.

That's why I'm axing. I think you're right. I think it is Norwalk. Furniture Idea. Yeah. Idea. Yeah. Where is it?

I think maybe Victoria. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What a bad name. It's like the... There's a furniture company in Victoria called Dodds Furniture. They won't be undersold. And my friend always thought that the slogan was,

we won't be in the store. Because he's got a very thick accent, the guy that says it. He says, we won't be undersold. We won't be in the store. We won't be in the store. Don't take our furniture. We won't be in the store. You have a secondary, Oberhart?

Should we go around and then come back to the secondary? Sure. I hear the secondary one's really good. Alright, Dave. Okay, this afternoon I was watching a hockey match. My local squadron, the Vancouver Canucks, were playing the Denver Avalanches. And there's a lot of funny things that can be said in hockey. Like a lot of groin talk.

A lot of protecting your rear end. But what the commentator said had nothing to do with any of that um there are two twins anyone doesn't live in vancouver the canucks have two twins on their team and uh they were getting uh they weren't playing very well and they were getting frustrated and they were talking to each other and so the commentators were talking about how they were talking to each other. And one of them said, the twins are having words. And the other one said, well, not those kinds of words. They're not fingering. And then the other one said, I think they are.

Oh, man. So he was talking about giving the finger. No, pointing fingers, I think, is what he meant. Oh, okay. Because that still is not fingering. That's not fingering, no. But I've heard people do that thing before when you were giving somebody, like, I saw this guy give someone the finger.

I saw her finger her. I was like, ooh. It's private. It's private. It's gross. Right on the street. It's gross stuff. Put that away. Who won that game? Was it the Canucks? The Canucks won it in overtime. OT. Overtime.

My overhead comes courtesy of eating at a Chinese restaurant last night. You're very multicultural. I am indeed. It was at a place called Tong night. Oh, you're very multicultural. I am, indeed. It was at a place called Tong's. First of all, they think that I'm somehow famous and kept telling me to mention their restaurant on the TV show. But they also didn't give me the meal for free

and be like, let's so you mention it. They were just like, you can pay and also... Where is Tong's? It's on Main Street. It used to be Ken's, that yeah and uh so i was eating dinner uh with a friend and uh they asked for hot sauce your friend did my friend did and when the waitress came by and put the hot sauce on the table uh she walked by very casually and said hello hot sauce and put it down like as if you were answering a phone and your name was hot sauce or you worked for the hot sauce

company exactly you worked for the hot sauce hot sauce and johnson hello hot sauce hot sauce hello hot sauce i could stop laughing for like three minutes. Was it just hot sauce? Hello, hot sauce. It was pretty top-drawer stuff. Delightful. Yeah. Hey, it's my understanding that our guest has a second overheard. Again, might not be funny.

Actually, downright depressing when I heard it. All right. I've got to back up one if it's too depressing. Well, okay. It was on the bus again, and there was this guy, kind of a chotchy guy. It's already depressing. Yeah, kind was on the bus again and there was this guy kind of a chachi guy already depressing okay yeah kind of a bro uh talking on his phone and you could tell he was talking to his girlfriend and you could tell that their relationship was on its last legs like it was dying pretty quickly uh just by like you could i could sort of hear her and just his reactions like, oh, yeah, hey, baby. Oh, you got to go do some laundry?

And just really, really depressing things. But then it went on like that. And you could just tell this guy was trying, but you knew probably a couple of weeks. Yeah, the end is near. The end is near. So finally, at the end of the conversation, he's like, oh, OK, okay well uh you know me and a couple of the guys are going to a movie tonight if you want to come and there was a moment of like hope like oh maybe she'll agree to go out and and you could hear her be like well hmm what movie and he says

oh well you know it's uh it's me and chris and zach and we're gonna go see fast and furious and there was just a dead pause and then him being like wait okay so she had clearly been just so disappointed that she was just like okay bye like how cool would she be though if she did i saw it did you i went i went with a friend the other night let me guess okay i'm just i'm just gonna throw this out there based on the previous three fast slash for the for the record tokyo drift takes place after this one yeah they made a reference to that tokyo drift this is a prequel fast and furious yeah it's a between quill yeah wow that's a night quill that's a night um that got too big of a laugh yeah but you know what it's the way you delivered it uh so vin diesel and the other guy, Paul Walker, gots to go up against, I'm guessing,

some sort of gang-affiliated guy. Am I right so far? Right so far. In car racing. Sort of. What? Wait a minute. It's really peripheral.

It starts with car racing, then it proceeds from there. To sled racing? No. They go the Iditarod? It goes deeper. We keep going. What do they do? there. To sled racing? They go the Iditarod? No, it goes deeper. We keep going. What do they do? Boat racing? No, no. Car racing leads to actual plot.

No, no, no. They are drug running through... In fast cars? In fast cars. So they have to race to earn a spot to drug run, but they're drug running to try to overtake the gang leader. Okay, for the record.

Is Vin Diesel still a criminal? A criminal, and the other guy is still a fake cop? He's the fake cop, but they know he's the cop now. So the fake cop is undercover. Paul Walker is undercover, and Vin Diesel is trying to avenge a death. But Paul Walker has always been undercover. Yeah, but they know. Vin Diesel still doesn. And Vin Diesel's trying to avenge a death. Yeah, but they know. Vin Diesel still doesn't know that he's undercover?

No, Vin Diesel knows. They know now. I want to write that movie. And for the record, I went to see it as a joke. But everyone in the theater... But they took your money for real? They took my money for real.

But it was worth it just to see vin diesel run a like trap a guy between two cars and kill him and then be like pussy that was the big line that was the big line of the movie so um i don't i think i forget if i mentioned this on the podcast. When I worked in a law firm, there were these guys who... Of Vin Diesel and Associates. Yeah. Hot sauce, hot sauce, hello and hot sauce. Hello, hot sauce. I worked with, I was a clerk and there were a bunch of other clerks.

One guy owned a Camaro and one time he wanted to buy new tires so he invited me out to richmond to watch him uh do donuts and his old tires and wear them out and i didn't go but he went when the first fast and the furious movie came out he went to see it opening night because he was afraid it would get banned because it was such a dangerous movie oh really, really? Yeah. This was when Vancouver was overrun with... Vendee's List. Undercover Paul Walker. Racers. Street racers.

Yeah, that's the term. I believe it's drag racers. I think the press uses street racers. I believe that when they win, they're called drag queens. Is that correct? You might as well. My favorite gag, I assume it was probably a gag that you enjoyed as well, is when Fast and the Furious and then it was Too Fast, Too Furious,

and everybody's speculation was the third one was going to be called Three Fast, Three Furious. I enjoyed those days. I miss those days. Did you know that Vin Diesel's character is named Rick Furious? And the other detective's name is Dirk Fast? Dirk Fast and Rick Furious. Can we write that movie?

Is that a thing? Yes. Only if you name the girlfriend something like Susie Too Soon and Angie Goes Too... like suzy too soon and angie tokyo goes to good times oh yeah and in the movie they're they all have to they all spoiler alert they all have to leave charlotte demers they all have to leave and the Asian guy is like I hear there's some interesting things

going on in Tokyo and the way he says it is so and that's how it went to Tokyo that's how it establishes that's Charlie Demers joke it was my favorite Charlie Demers joke where he says oh I went and saw Fast and the Furious

Tokyo Drip spoiler alert oh I don't want to tell you the ending Mears joke where he says, Oh, I went and saw Fast and the Furious Tokyo Drip. Spoiler alert. Oh, I don't want to tell you the ending. There were a lot of spoilers in the parking lot that night. So that was a sad overheard, which led to a great chunk of Fast and Furious

conversation. I think I fell asleep in the first one and haven't seen another. I think that's the safe thing. The first two. And that was the end of it. It was too fiasced. It was too fiasced for me. Do we have listener overheards? I hope so.

I'm sorry, overheards? Overheards. You had two you really liked, or maybe one. Oh, yeah. Should I read the ones before we go to the... Okay. This one, actually, I'm wondering if this was better read. It's my favorite thing

that sometimes people who do graffiti and whiskers on candles, graffiti on things, and warm woolen mittens. But this is when people do graffiti where they kind of alter what is already written there by blocking out a

thing or adding a letter or whatever and uh this is uh from uh robert g uh he uh said okay uh hello all that stuff past casting yourself it is good you're good friends from illinois bobby kate we have an overseen from inside the bathroom at our college uh some always carries a knife with them i think he meant someone even while using the bathroom because on the hand look in the trunk there were letters uh carved out uh of the instruction so this is on the hand dryer they've carved out certain letters to make them say something else. So it says, Step 1,

push button, but they scratched out the O and N, so it just says push butt. Classic. Step 2, place hands gently under warm air, would be the thing, but they've scratched out the W and the air.

So it just says, place hands gently under arm. So dumb. And I guess they decided to give the air dryer break because the last one was step three. It was stops automatically. And they've crossed out S and automatic and the Y. So it says tops all, which is kind of lazy. But I told you about my favorite one of that when I was on the bus. Sure.

I was getting off. And it said, do not step down in stairwell. And somebody had crossed out certain letters so that it said, do handstands and stairwells. Pretty good. That's pretty good. Okay, this one is from Graham D., the guy who gave us Dogmas Prime. Hey guys, I'm standing waiting for my booster juice

at the Coquitlam Mall and the lady behind me is ordering. She's just standing there and the kid at the counter is getting impatient. Lady, I can't remember what I had last time. Booster Boy, do you know what it was called? Lady, it was on the right side of the menu. Booster Boy, what did it have in it?

Lady, it was good. Booster Boy, okay. Lady, it was a guy who sold it to me last time. Booster Boy, was it me? Lady, he was black. Booster Boy is was it me? Lady, he was black. Booster Boy is just standing there. Lady, I can't find it. She then turned around and I watched her

walk to McDonald's. So I enjoyed the entire conversation and the what do you call that? Day Nood Ma? Yeah. Yeah. Day Nood.

Thank you very much for writing those in. what do you call that? Day-new-maw? Sure. Yeah. Day-nude. Yeah. Old school. So that was thank you very much for writing those in. I very much enjoyed it. You grow up. Two of you

stop fighting. We got some listener overheards maybe. Hello Dave Graham and fellow bumpers. I'm Katie from St. Paul and I'm calling

with a like an overheard. I'm currently logging St. Paul, and I'm calling with an accent overheard. I am currently logging hours at middle schools for my teaching degree, and I was at a middle school this morning sitting in on a language arts class full of 14-year-olds, and a 14-year-old boy turns to his friends and goes, dudes, dudes, greatest idea ever. My sister's Polly Pockets, firecrackers, and rubber bands. So, um, sounds like a good time. All right. I really enjoy the show. I don't know if that's the best idea ever, but it's not the worst.

Yeah. Did you ever have firecrackers when you were a kid? Did you ever have Polly Pockets? No. Did you ever have rubber bands? I had Polly Pockets. You had Polly Pockets? Yeah, I had Polly Pockets. Polly Pockets, to me, seemed to be the worst toy that you could give a kid.

Ever. Yeah. They were so boring. Because it was a toy that was so tiny that you couldn't play with it. Well, yeah, and it was just like... Did it come in a little diorama? You could get little compact... Yeah, they looked like little clamshell things.

My cousin had a lot of them. You'd open it up and it would be like a bedroom or a store. And there'd be like a little figurine. And you'd walk her around. But then you'd be like, okay, I'm fucking done. That was it. After like two seconds of play. The only playing you could do with it was opening it up

and looking at what was inside. That was the whole thing. Yeah. There was no toy to it. There was no toy. There was no element of fun. Micro Machines was a pretty lame-o toy. Yeah, they didn't roll very far.

And they were shitty little, they were shitty. The one time I uh fuck them i had firecrackers angry at them right now it was about grade six uh someone got me some firecrackers i knew a dealer and uh they were bottle rockets and uh i think we i invited a few friends over and it was um remembrance day Day, November 11th. And everyone had the day off from school. It's a big firecracker day here in Canada. We taped them to Hot Wheels, and they would rocket down the street and explode.

You know that Elvis Presley, that used to be one of his biggest kind of pastimes, was he would get his hand his his handlers his group that he hung out with was called the memphis mafia and he would get them to dress up and kind of like trench coats yeah and then they would go shoot up a school um it was they dress up in kind of baseball uh protection stuff like umpire gear and then he elvis would make them fire firecrackers at each other elvis had a real like unlike celebrities of today he had a real way of having money and being excessive doing the right thing yeah he uh one of the stories was he used to float uh light bulbs in his pool and then him and his friends would shoot them with uh revolvers and then watch them explode and sink that'd be a lot of fun right

clean your pool yeah you hire someone yeah i remember uh you hire somebody in blackface i remember elvis liked it someone oh on uh On Full House, Jesse wanted to get married at Graceland. And he... Or Becky said something about there being a... Oh, geez. What did she suggest? That the pool was shaped like something Elvis related.

A guitar? Maybe a guitar or something. A music note? A pompadour? And then he was like, no, no. The pool? Maybe a guitar or something. A music note? A pompadour? And then he was like, no, no, the pool is shaped like a sideburn. Well, that would just be a pool. Although a little elongated at one end. A kind of asymmetrical pool.

There was a lot of Logic Falls. Falls? Logic Falls, remember that show? Do we have another listener over? No. I'm sure we do, but let's move on to something else all right celebrity crush hat crushing the hats celebrity crush hats go fuck yourself celebrity crush hat chapeau chinois celebrity crush hat crush hat now for anybody who hasn't heard this segment before we have a hat it's filled with numbers. Nicole is going to pick out a number.

It's going to correspond to an age that she was or could be in the space-time continuum. These go up to 35, I think. Oh, wow.

I'm not 35. I got 9. Is that too young? Does that work? Is that too young? Was it Polly Pocket? It was Peter Pock. Nine.

So, like, no, you know what? It's not too young. Okay. All right. The year is? The year is, I was born in 84. Okay. So, the year is?

Less than nine. 93. 93. I think I'm telling you the truth when I say this. I'm pretty sure. Don't lie. We will have ways of finding out. After seeing Hudson Hawk, Bruce Willis.

Bruce Willis. Bruce Willis. Now here's a... Okay. How long did that last? Long time. From... Like a few years.

It was an inappropriate age at which to have a crush on a man like yeah because you should as a young girl you should have a crush on girly looking guys or yeah like the kids in teen beat or yeah or whatever there was like jtt was pretty big at that time your mark paul's gossel are but no bruce willis i was always into the older men. So Bruce Willis now, pretty much, he's a little older looking, but basically looks the same. Balder. Yeah. He's balder, but in essence, same kind of grizzled kind of features. Yeah.

Charming. Charming. Charming. He's married to a very young kind of model. Model slash actress. In their 20s. I was talking with Erica Sears and she thought it was gross.

What's your take? Do you think he's still got it? He's still got the juice? Enough so to be married to a 20-odd model slash actress? I think so. He's got a great profile. There's no doubt. Nobody's holding a candle to his profile

except maybe a young Statham. He's got a great profile there's no doubt is nobody's holding the candle to his profile except maybe a young statham they got a good profile you know i've never noticed that they give good profile yeah you give good neck i i think he can pull it off um i think he keeps himself together well enough to still be he's in pretty good shape it's also the fact that like he's got money and he's still pretty confident as far as a person this is true so what did you break out of a bruce willis phase was there somebody who knocked that out crush wise it was brad pitt really also for a while jonathan brandis of sequest oh the suicider. Is he dead? He killed himself. No way.

With the assistance of the dolphins. We hardly knew he. The dolphins held me down under the water. That's murder. That is homicide. That is not a suicide. At his funeral they played Lives the Dolphins Cry.

Was that the young blonde gentleman? Yeah, he was blonde. He was really cute. He was the young character on Sequest. Yeah, he played Roy Scheider Jr. Do you think that there was, like, sequel? You know how, like, people have, like, Stargate conventions and whatnot? No, I don't think there are Sequest conventions.

I don't. There might have been, though, because if you look now now there's a bunch of conventions that you wouldn't think happen like supernatural conventions oh wow super those guys are super hot though do you think indiana ever had um you guys remember erie indiana yeah vaguely um was it a like like um a goosebumps kind of show no it was like x files for kids yeah oh of show? No, it was like X-Files for kids. Yeah. Oh, so I'm way off. It was like two guys and they grew up in a town that was like the epicenter of weirdness.

Kind of like Buffy. Yeah. It was kind of like Fringe just updated that formula. Is that what Fringe is about? I watched one episode and I lost interest. Halfway through. Halfway through. It didn't even keep me for half of an episode.

I don't really remember. I watched the first episode. I'm out. It's through. Halfway through. It didn't even keep me for half of an episode. I don't really remember. I watched the first episode. I'm out. It's moving to Vancouver, though. We welcome Fringe. I hope we can get some of the stars on the show. Do you think that Denny's will put up a sign that says Vancouver welcomes Fringe? Why would Denny's do that?

Have you ever seen those signs in front of diners or restaurants that says, like, such and such welcomes the peewee hockey tournament or whatever. Okay. Yeah, it seems like some. If I had a restaurant, I would say Vancouver welcomes Fringe. I was once driving through. Graham's Pigatorium welcomes Fringe.

In 2004, I drove through Kamloops, and there was a sign at the mall that said, Chingy appearing today. Chingy? Yeah. Wow. At the mall or iny appearing today. Chingy? Yeah. Wow. At the mall or in town? He was given autographs. That's mind-blowing. What happened to Chingy? Is he still around? He's not still around.

He has Chung. That Ching has Chung. He took the Chung King Express out of town. That's racist. He spent all his Chings. That's racist. He spent all his chings. He's got none left in his pocket. I was going for change, but it didn't work.

Yeah, fair enough. You did with what you had. It's dangerous to work with chings. Oh. No, I mean the word. Oh, I didn't realize that was being so offensive did you know that Barack Obama is the chings we need

that's chings we can believe in that's chings you can believe in anything else I'm flesh out do you got anything do you want to stunt cast something I'd be into it let's do a stunt cast

are you an actor are you looking for work to stunt cast something? I would be into it. Let's do a stunt cast. Are you an actor? Are you looking for work? Stunt casting. Stunt casting. Stunt. Stunt casting. Powder. Stunt casting.

Danny DeVito. Taxicab the movie. Danny Glover. Martin Short. Anyone in the movie, pure luck. Stuntcasting. Well, but it's ladies' choice. All right.

Most definitely ladies' choice. You have something in mind? I could think of one thing I'd like stuntcasting. All right, here we go. So it can be tv or film yeah anything it could be books comics oh it could be oh crap i hope not um i was thinking the golden girls oh yeah but there has to be like a really sexy scene with the you know the horny one blanche blanche blanche was her name was blanche yeah devereaux blanche Devereaux and

Bea Arthur's character has to end up being the villain okay we're not writing it we're only casting it you've already written it but you have to play it that way okay so we're writing the

okay so the Golden Girls movie takes place 2009 okay okay but with them have we already played them then yeah oh there's four main characters yeah there's dorothy blanche dorothy's be arthur blanche mcclanahan. Rose is Betty White. And Sophia is Estelle Getty. Also, the older woman, was she one of those four? Yeah. Okay. Dorothy's mother.

Dorothy's mother. Stop her, my mom will shoot. And the peripheral character was Dorothy's ex was Stan, who was played by a younger the guy from Arrested Development played the father the patriarch Jeffrey Tambor

no that's incorrect I'm sorry Stan was played by who looked very much Stan Devon Sawa Jonathan Brandis but there was... Jeffrey Tambor made regular appearances

on The Golden Girls. Was David Leisure involved at all? Was there a crossover with him in Empty Nest? You're talking about... No. Well, he may have been on for an episode, but he's not a cast worthy. They both just played in Florida.

Stan was a balding... He was Dorothy's ex and made regular kind of appearances throughout the series. So I would say he would be a character worth considering. Sure, because it's a small cast. It's not like Cheers. So let's start from... Let's start...

I would say let's start with... Let's start with a Betty White. With a rose. She was a doofus. White. With a rose. She's the dumb character. A white haired... Yeah. Was a blonde. Now, we need to make a decision. How old are we going to go?

Because we want to make this movie sexy. So is Jessica Lange the oldest woman? Here's the thing. this is what i think because we're living in a diane lane we're living in a post benjamin button era these women were in their 60s or 70s in the show 60s late 70s 60s or 70s i think on the show um but i i think i'm I'm a big advocate of the makeup artists of the world. I am not. No?

So you want a cast from old ladies? I hate seeing makeup. Oh, okay. I never think old people look good. Like when they try to make someone look fake old. You want them to be authentically old? Okay, so maybe we back off. Maybe we back off a bit age-wise.

My thinking is that either you go Benjamin Button or all makeup. It's all fake. It's all CG. I never saw Benjamin Button. CG, I think, is better than makeup. No, it looks good. Or we just cast. We scale it back age-wise,

and we're casting ladies in their late 40s and their 50s. Katie Segal is the horny one. No, because all I'm thinking, when I think Blanche, when I'm thinking Blanche, I'm thinking of, oh, shit, now I forget her name. I had it. Tim Robbins' wife. Susan Sarandon. I was thinking the same thing.

For Blanche? For Blanche. She's a redhead. She's a firecracker. You can curl her hair up and make her look... Yeah, she's sexy, delicious. She's an elder. Katie.

Yeah, I think that's the era we have to go with. Okay, well, Susan Sarandon, then. Susan Sarandon. She is the optimum horny lady. As Blanche? As Blanche. Who would you pick to be a saucier redhead? I just said Katie Seagal. Katie Seagal from Married with Children.

Played Peg Bundy. The mother? You seem to support Blanche. I mean Susan Sarandon. Blanche wasn't necessarily a redhead It doesn't have to be a redhead She was a redhead But by that age they're all dying

When I picture somebody doing Was she a redhead? When she was doing a sexy southern drawl I really picture Susan Sarandon stepping into that role What about one of the designing women? Delta Burke Delta Burke? Delta Burke?

Dixie Carter? The blonde one, maybe? Okay. Alright, so we have I think we have Susan Sarandon Yeah, I think that's pretty good. I think that's pretty good. So, Rose.

Okay, Rose. The doofus. We need a doofus-y character. Kind of. Maybe Pratt Falls? Maybe not. What's the one that was on Dancing with the Stars? Cloris Leachman?

She's got to be in there somewhere. She's really old. She's pretty old. That's all right. She maybe should be Sophia. Although, Estelle Getty was the youngest of the actresses. Wearing a wig. She played the oldest.

I'm just doing a little lore. The mythology of the show. A little trivia. Okay, so... Maybe Clarice Leachman as Sophia? I don't like her as Sophia. Who do you like as Sophia? I don't know. I'm waiting for you guys

to come up with something better Megan Mullally Have you seen In the Motherhood? It's pretty good It's not bad I have not I like it Watch it this Thursday

Okay This Thursday? And two weeks from now it may have been cancelled Oh yikes Alright so Okay and two weeks from now it may have been cancelled oh yikes alright so okay let's clear our heads yeah everybody relax

let's go into that era of actress you're Meryl Streep you're Glenn Close you're um Glenn Close I think could play the real bubble head I think she could do it. Bubblehead.

Somebody's playing a Bobblehead. Some sort of a giant head. Elastic neck. That was a character, right? They can do that with CGI now. Rose is...

Let's put Rose on hold. Let's go with Dorothy, kind of a task master stern um i mean i'm tempted to just cast b arthur again in that role jeffrey tambor a young jeffrey tambor uh i don't like it i want a woman. There's only five working actresses of that age. Yeah. And they're all... Oh, you know who I really see as being a kind of a Dorothy figure is the lady who plays the female operative in the James Bond movies.

Oh, Judi Dench. Judi Dench. Judi Dench. Judi Dench is the new B-artist. Yeah, yeah, yeah. She's pretty good. She can play mean. She's a Dench master.

She can play mean. Yeah, so Judi Dench. We've got your Susan Sarandon. Okay, now let's go Sophia. Sophia, I still like Cloris Leachman. Because she's old. She's not Italian enough. She's pretty sassy. Cloris Leachman. Because she's old. She's not Italian enough. She's pretty sassy.

Cloris Leachman? She's not Italian enough? Come on. Is Mrs. Garrett still alive? No. Well, maybe. But she's... You've got to be tiny.

Okay. But she's got to play Judi Dench's mother. So maybe a black lady? Oh, yeah? Who do you got? What are be tiny. Okay. Yeah. But she's got to play Judy Dench's mother. So maybe a black lady? Oh, yeah? Who do you got? What are you thinking? Okay.

I was joking. I'm not sure there are any black female actresses around that age. Oh, sure there are. There's What's Love Got to Do With It Lady. Do you know any of their names? Angela Bassett. Okay. There's the Queen of Latifah.

I like, I do, I still like Cloris Leachman. I see her in the wig with the glasses. All right, I'm not going to fight you. I'm going to support that. Fine, I feel like. Cloris Leachman. Okay, so just Rose. Now we got Rose.

Dumber. And Stan. Who's dumb and old? Did we say Devin Savo is the perfect Stan? I think we said Jeffrey Tambor is the perfect Stan. Yeah, because he didn't play that role. Okay, so Jeffrey Tambor is the perfect stan i think i think we said jeffrey tambor is the perfect stance all right yeah because he didn't play that role okay so jeffrey tambor is the perfect stan and um okay the dumbest old lady there is around and by old lady i mean 45 and up uh the woman from the sex show. Sue.

Sue Johansson. Sue Johansson. She's not dumb. Sue Johansson. Sue Johansson. Yeah, she's more of a blanch. She's kind of meh, right? That's true.

Okay. She could be good Sophia, too. Maybe Dina Lohan, Lindsay Lohan's mother. She looks too... Hot. Yeah, I agree yeah she's not oh god okay um bruce jenner bruce jenner all right bruce jenner in a wig is that what you're saying yeah yeah naturally do you know who would be perfect to play like a really dumb if we're

talking guys and wigs Leslie Nielsen as Rose why not Robin Williams as Mrs. Doubtfire why are you guys both agreeing on everything like how about a few more suggestions okay let's see dumb old lady

oh geez Dolly Parton ooh not bad actually really good that's pretty good cause That's pretty good. Because she's pretty cute, but not like... I just kind of want to see the Photoshop of Leslie Nielsen. Leslie Nielsen. But I do like Dolly Parton a lot.

Let's go with Dolly Parton. Dolly Parton. But I like the Photoshop. But let's see Leslie Nielsen. Yeah, he'll be in the background. Yeah. Remember when Dolly Parton was synonymous with big boobs? Yes. Yeah. Now she's just synonymous with big boobs? Yes.

Yeah. Now she's just synonymous with big boobs. Yeah, but when you said big boobs, you thought Dolly Parton. Now what do you think? Pamela Anderson? Pamela Anderson was the next one. Did I tell you? Are Dolly Parton's fake?

They were. Yeah, they were fake. But then, did she take them out? No. Okay. But then I told you on the phone the other day that when I was crossing the intersection I saw the lady with gigantic boobs yeah

but not a famous lady no no no but this was this was the biggest that was a great conversation by the way when you called me yeah no yeah well this is the kind of conversation Dave gets to enjoy on a regular basis but I was crossing an intersection.

It was a guy and a gal. And this lady's breasts were so cartoony. Like, I've never seen, in proportion to her body, those boobs. Like, I thought that she was wearing plaid. Like, they were fake. And she was on the way to film a scene as part of a comedy thing. Like, there were people in the cars were all making

faces. Everybody was making faces. That was the thing. Everybody was making crazy faces. I love that image in my mind. Just people slowing down and giving weird faces. And the guy behind me said, what is this, a parade? And those are the floats?

I don't know. I didn't even think of that. I just thought because it was so cartoonish. But you're right And those are the floats? I don't know. I didn't even think of that. I just thought because it was so cartoonish, but you're right. Those are the floats. That's totally what I meant. When you were a young man, did you wish you could draw cartoons of big boobs? I didn't wish it. I made it happen, Dave.

And Nicole, did you draw penises? I didn't draw penises, no. There goes my theory. I was for a time. I was pretty obsessed with Jessica Rabbit for a while. Okay. Who wouldn't? I would try to tighten my shirts to make them.

That's what the H stands for. What's that? H for homo. But I just would try to like tighten my shirts to make it look like I had boobs

I didn't right and then put like half of my hair over my eye and then just be jealous that she had such great boobs

and also that she was a cartoon yeah but when I was a kid as a as kind of like a kind of a companion piece of that

I was always very jealous and figured out at a young age. Because Jessica Rabbit said, they asked her at one point, why are you with Roger Rabbit? And she says, because he makes me laugh. And that's how I always knew, well, as long as I am just funny, I don't need to be a cartoon rabbit. And I can also get a cartoon lady With one eye And drink

Well Feel free to start being funny at any point Oh hey I don't like it I don't like that you've turned it into the Apollo Just cause you're mad I'm not mad I'm even

You are funny yes well I think I think we've we've wound it down to its natural uh anyway

do you have um Nicole do you have any events that are upcoming that you would like to promote um I am always doing

sketch comedy at Bronx Cheer which is here in vancouver twice monthly tuesdays first and third tuesday of the month and an excellent comedy show and you do monologues there you're also part of the sketch pony face group and where are you doing your improv at I do it all over town I I randomly but if you want to know

about upcoming shows you can go to rosaparksimprov.com dot com rosaparksimprov.com I have a website very very funny lady and certainly worth

checking out if you are in the Vancouver area and you are you're not going checking out if you are in the Vancouver area and you are not going on tour anyway. You are going to Ottawa. Best of luck to you and your team.

Thank you. We'll know the results by the time this comes out. Best of luck. And we'll be on our edge of seats. Best of retrospective luck. And a big shout out to your team. We know they all listen. A huge shout out. Go team go we know they all listen a huge shout out go team go hi cory yeah hey cory all right cory um anybody who wants to uh write us here please do send in in all your

emails your overheards and uh certainly uh what we're talking about. Your first time failures. At StopPodcastToYourself at gmail.com and also we have a wonderful blog that Dave updates weekly. It's StopPodcastToYourself.blogspot.com We also have a Facebook page and we have a phone number

if you want to call in any overheards or anything else. 206-339-8328 That's 206-339-8328 that's 206-339-TEAT and uh dave uh you got anything else to add no uh come see me in halifax this week wow this week it is this week yeah you are part of the halifax comedy festival so everybody out in halifax uh put down your ukuleles and your lobsters and get up out of the Halifax Comedy Festival. So everybody out in Halifax, put down your ukuleles and your lobsters and get up out of the house. Turn off this hour's 22 minutes, which is broadcast

around the clock in Halifax, and go see some live comedy. I'm going to eat so much lobster. And I myself will be holding down the fort working very hard in Vancouver to get elected. Vote Graham. Vote Graham Clark for change.

For chings. For chings. Vote Graham Clark for chings. And joining us back here next week for another encapsulating and enthralling edition of Stop Podcasting Yourself.