Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 591 - Stacey McLachlan

Episode Date: July 15, 2019

Comedian and writer Stacey McLachlan returns to talk more Master Chef Junior, DJ Khaled, and movie theatre shenanigans.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 591 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who I wish a very sincere Happy Canada Day to, even though this comes out several weeks after. But we're recording it on the day, Mr. Dave Shumka.

Yeah. Yards Canada Day. And I'm all over it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. it's kind of today and I'm all over it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, uh,

what do you, what's your ritual? My ritual. Okay. I, you know, I make love in a canoe. No.

Yes. Yes. Absolutely. These are Canadian isms. You know, is what Pierre Burton said. Yeah. Uh,

what else is Canadian? Uh, Toronto is New York run by the Swiss. Sure. Yes. Fine the Swiss. Sure. Yes. Fine. Yes. Right.

I watch, uh, uh, street legal. Yeah. Street legal. I watch the street legal marathon. North of 60. Mm-hmm. Oh. And I finish it off by, I take care of business as the late Randy Bachman.

Yes. Said, oh boy, this is counting on the fact that he will die in the next two weeks. He'll be fine. He'll be fine. No, Randy forever. Yeah. Our guest today, comedian, writer, media expert.

Oh, I love that. Podcaster. Yeah, mogul. Mogul. That wasn't my writer. It's mogul. You can catch her the night this podcast comes out. Nasty Women's second anniversary at Little Mountain.

It's at Biltmore. Oh, it's at the Biltmore. The Biltmore. Yeah. It's Stacey McLaughlin. Hi, everybody. Hi. And this comes out on July 15th, which is...

My birthday. Happy birthday. Thank you, everybody. Happy birthday, Stacey. Thank you. We get a lot of messages. Just really wanted to plug 32. Yeah, yeah. which is my birthday happy birthday thank you everybody thank you we get a lot of messages just really wanted to plug 32

yeah everybody what are you hoping for present wise oh man um I spotted this cool white hat

that Dave has here in the studio you look good in a cowboy hat I'm going to the stampede for the first time oh really

in a couple weeks not looking forward to it but I think I could pull off a cute outfit yeah yeah yeah we'll see the stampede is the first time in a couple weeks. Not looking forward to it, but I think I could pull off a cute outfit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We'll see. The Stampede is,

it's about eating lots of pancakes. Okay, that I can get behind. Drinking and putting together a cute outfit. These are the three things. And the animal cruelty. Yeah. The forest.

That's the secret for it. And the parade. Yeah, there's a parade. Yeah. And, you know, rides. Okay. What do, what are the outfits?

Like, are you allowed to just dress in a t-shirt and shorts? Yeah, but it's fun to put together, like, you know. A costume. Yeah, like a cowboy shirt. And, yeah. Chaps. Dukes of both, all stripes. Yeah.

Yeah. Daryl Dukes and Daisy Dukes. And David Dukes. No, no, no. David Dukes. Yeah, no. Put on your David Dukes. Shows Dukes. No, no, no. Yeah, no. Put on your David Dukes. There's a lot of but.

You'd be surprised. Do you want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Stacy. Stacy. Graham. Dave.

Why are you going to the Stampede, first and foremost? My husband grew up in Calgary, and so he has a fondness for it. And he thinks that the chuckwagon races will be illegal within the next few years. So he really wants to get in and see them over there. Yeah, he may be on to something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Illegal. So do you think people will be having black market illegal chuckwagon races?

Yeah, just in the streets. Have you been to a chuckwagon race? Yes. You grew up in Alberta. Yeah, yeah, yeah Yeah, just in the streets. Have you been to a chuck wagon race? Yes. You grew up in Alberta. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It happens all the time. You probably were chuck wagon racing on your way to school. Yeah, I went chuck wagon to school every morning.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was every day was chuck wagon day. So, you know, I'm over it. Yeah, I get it, I get it. But you knew chuck wagon. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I knew chuck wagon. But I didn't realize it involved throwing a...

The way he described it to me was there's, I don't know, 40 horses on a team. I got a horse in my mind. There you go. And then the cowboys or girls throw a stove into a wagon, and then they all have to sprint to the finish line. But it's in a circle circle so I'm picturing it kind of like roller derby maybe?

Like a stove like from Kenmore? No, like an old timey like pot belly guy. Okay. Do you think they're getting

like do they have them in stock or is there a company that makes pot belly stoves specifically for the purpose? I think it's probably the same ones

year after year. I think they're on loan from the museum. I think they let them race around. Take them for a ride. Let them see the world a bit. Yeah. Yeah.

Why do things that are in museums have to stay in museums? Get them. Freshen them up. Get some air in there. Put them out in the world. Have some new experiences, new stories to tell. We get it. Is this the stampede?

To help pioneers make corn or whatever. Is its fresh air um or more of a manure smell and yeah it depends on the on the area of the park you're in but yeah uh should i get like a like a respirator air mask that could be part of my outfit yeah like or like a sleep apnea machine. I bought one. My office is where all the crows go at night. In Vancouver, there's like 30,000. They all go into your office? They go right outside my office. Maybe they go in when I'm gone.

I don't know. It's a living car. But all 30,000 of them roost right outside. What's the name of that place? Still Creek Rookery. Rookery. Wow. Anyways, they shit on everything. Yeah. right outside what's the name of that place? Still Creek Rookery Rookery wow anyways

they shit on everything yeah it's horrible and I'm really convinced I'm going to get some sort of lung disease so I bought a little

mask oh boy that would be a bad lung disease yeah at least like crocheted lung

I mean like I guess most lung diseases are not from doing something enjoyable something fun yeah I guess like smokers get something from doing something enjoyable. Something fun, yeah. I guess smokers get something out of it. I kiss too much.

I got love in my lungs. I love lung. I got love lung in the mind. In the love mind. Is it freaky when they all fly in? Oh, yeah. Yeah. If you're walking in the sky between a dusk, it's so unsettling.

They're lining every tree. They're on the power lines. They're on the playground. They're on the railroad tracks. And they're watching. Wow. They're all watching. They're all watching.

It's super, super creepy. I hate it very much. And they all know your face. They all, they are all, have that. They're talking about me. They know,

they remember every face. They've got Mary Lou Henner disease where they remember every day. What is that? I don't know what that is. Oh, Mary Lou Henner. Do you know who Mary Lou Henner is? She was on Taxi?

Yep. Yeah. And she remembers every day of her life. Really? Yeah. Wow. Is that, does that drive her mad? Like, is that a bad thing?

No, she's apparently very casual about it. Wow. But there's only like 10 people in the world who have this. Really? Yeah. But like, what a curse. Or is it a, I mean like. I guess there's some days you want to forget.

Yeah. But like. You're not. I think just because you can access it doesn't mean you're. That you do. Yeah, because every day you're adding another. You're burying all the other days. Like, it's not like.

Yeah. I don't know. Get her on the podcast. Yeah. We try. We try. The best we've gotten is Valerie Harper. So close.

So, working away amongst the crows. Why did they build an office there? It doesn't make sense. So the roost was there first? The roost was there. It's been there since the 70s. And these are newer buildings. The 70s roost.

So it's all burnt sienna and shag carpet. And it just occurred. What happened in the 70s? The crows started hanging out there. Great question. I don't have the. just occurred why what happened in the 70s that the crows started hanging out great question i don't i don't have the uh it was it was the end of the 60s the the crows were looking for a new yeah yeah there was a lot of cynicism about politics after altamont yeah yeah living was sort of a increasing in popularity yes yeah absolutely it, absolutely. It was, uh, it was a crazy time.

They were all graduating from USC film school. Yes. Um, it's, it's, and your, the, your office building is in the newer than the seven. Yes.

Okay. Yes. Nice. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, they just watch. They just watch. Yeah, that is, that's very, it's like,

I'm picturing it and it's very unsettling. It's a weird way to end the day. Yeah, every day. Just like having a few crows around here, like they're in the trees and then I think sometimes they're like, we're moving to that other tree. Yeah, that's a problem. And this is the time of year where they swoop.

Yeah, they're violent. I've never been attacked of you guys. Yeah. Yeah. Like, I have a bunch living in my beard right now. I swooped in and couldn't get up. Couldn't get up. Didn't want to leave.

Describe your attack. One, it, like, flew kind of all around my head and bit my ear. Oh, my God. Yeah. Your delicious ears. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. They look like pita chips to them.

I get it. It was covered in salsa, so that's on me. Yeah, I've been swooped a lot. Yeah. But no contact. And like the dog gets swooped a lot too. Huh. I wonder, I mean, grandpa is maybe crow, crow color.

Maybe they should be one of them. Yeah. You're not allowed to call someone crow color anymore. So working away at the office. Yeah. Yeah. What else is, what else? You said you're married.

Have you always been married? Always. Since I was a baby. Were you a child bride? I got married a couple years ago. Okay. It was lots of fun, and it's wedding season again, so reliving a lot of memories, going to a lot of weddings. Do you go to a lot of weddings?

Yeah, and then I'm like, well, I wouldn't have done it like that. Oh, that's very like that reality show for weddings. Yeah, I'm just doing that without being invited. Yeah. I'm going to rate that catering quite low. I liked when she cried at the vows.

I didn't like when he cried. Just heckling him. Where was your wedding? Here in Vancouver? My wedding was here in Vancouver. It was in Strathcona at the Russian Hall. We are not of Russianussian descent we just snuck right in there they still

let us in okay yeah that's nice and they didn't they had never had a wedding there before so they really undercharged us oh really nice yeah it felt good that was like yeah that was the happiest day of my life. I mean, like, $300? You idiots. I went for breakfast a couple days ago with a couple of coworkers and there was, like, Hootsuite must have, like, booked half this restaurant we were at.

Yeah. Because it was just, like, nerds making speeches. But I feel like it was the kind of thing where this is the kind of thing they could have rented out a place.

Yeah. Yeah, to hold an event. But they just got a freebie by, you know, everyone bought breakfast. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's bending the rules. You can't do a wedding like that. You can't have everybody just show up at a restaurant. I feel like you sort of could.

Have everybody show up at the Swish Alley. Yeah. And then all of a sudden. If you have a big, like, oh, we just need a big long table for. No reason. 80 people. Yeah. And you have an altar here like, we just need a big long table for 80 people. And you have an altar here at the Swiss Shell, right? No reason.

Well, of course we do. It's got a rotating chicken on it. Was it a big wedding, small wedding? It was a medium-sized wedding, I guess. We had 175 people. I think that's pretty big. I say big. That's big. It was big. It was big. It was lots medium-sized wedding, I guess. We had 175 people. I think that's pretty big. I say big. That's big.

It was big. It was big. It was lots of fun. I loved it. I would have a wedding every day if I could. Would you? I loved it. Everybody's paying attention to me.

I get to pick all the music. Why did you become a DJ? Wait a minute. That would be a lot cheaper. Every day. you could wear that wedding dress i could be your gimmick i love it dj brad but you don't do weddings i do not i've been burned before yeah also like people keep accidentally marrying me and the focus isn't on you. Yeah. On the real bride.

Yeah. The focus being on you all day, that's good. That was good. Yeah. Isn't that why we all do what we do? Yeah, I guess so. I guess so. I guess so. But I like it in a small dose, in a half hour to 40 minute long dose.

I mean, I guess people were paying attention to Max as well that's fine sure they were yeah okay yeah and one thing

we always like to check in with you of course every year every year you host your own podcast After Chef Junior

After Chef Junior with all your all your Master Chef Junior after show needs season is over once again um here we go again we didn't catch you in time to promote a live season um it was a it was a fun one it was a fun one talk to a lot of the kids who was a brat um

you don't have to bad mouth any children if you don't want to. I won't, but he knows who he is. They're so intense. I interviewed this one kid, Matthew. He didn't make it to the finals, but he got quite far along. He's eight years old. He's, I don't know, three feet tall. He's like... He's 700 pounds. He's this little guy, but he is so positive that we were Skyping and I was interviewing him.

And I found myself being like, yeah, I can do anything I put my mind to. Oh, wow. He was like a little life coach. He was like, if you can dream it, you can do it. All you have to do is set your dreams high and then follow through. Everybody listening, you can be the next MasterChef of America. You just got to dream it and then you do it. This is Matthew having a golden fun time. Wow wow he signs off and everything i love him wow they're

so good like they just should be running people's lives yeah forget about the kitchen they've got well because aren't most of them just like their parents applied them for 50 reality shows and this is the one they got or 50 like you like, you know, they auditioned their actors too. The kids that we, maybe they're such good actors, they lied to us. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It seems like most of the time they're like, oh, yeah, I'm on my student council and lead the dance troupe and have 12 soccer teams. I thought they all had, like, stage parents.

It didn't seem like it, but that could be the stage magic. Was there any controversy this year? My personal problem with the show is how much time they spend dumping food on the children. I was going to ask. I was like, was that new this year? There seemed to be a lot more dumping of food on people. Like hot soup? Yeah. Dumping of food on people. Like hot soup? Yeah, they would make a big mulgatani and then pour it all over Gordon's head.

And scald Matthew. Yeah. They dumped like corn on the children at one point. And I'm like, I think that would hurt. Cobbs? Like kernels. But I don't think they were cooked kernels. I don't know.

Loose corn. Loose kernels might be. That's like kind of awakening a little bit of ASMR. Whatever that sort of tingle you get. It went on a long time. A really long time. Yeah, because I think I saw an episode where they dumped a whole Sunday's worth of ingredients on the judges. They often will have a competition where they'll pit the children against each other

and the prize will be, you get to cover Gordon Ramsay in a strawberry milkshake if your team wins and you get to cover Christina Tosi in a chocolate milkshake if your team wins. But then in the end, they all get covered every time

because it's like, you can't let one kid cover a celebrity judge in a milkshake and all the other. That's just not fair. Yeah. Everyone gets a ribbon we did a master chef adult the season before master chef grown-up i still don't know master chef grown-up is right and that was a lot of fun because they all like don't have the same sort of poise and self-control as the children because these are adults who want to

be on a reality show who need this to change their lives versus a kid who's like, oh yeah, I guess I'll show up and do this fun thing and then go back. My life will change anyways. It's changing every day. And I remember every minute of it. What if everyone was pouring with

Mary Lou Henner disease? Except they all don't everyone was pouring with Mary Lou Henner disease? Except they all don't remember the Beatles. Mary Lou Henner disease. Now it's a disease. I mean, isn't it? I don't know. I don't know if that would be something that's good to have or bad to have. What if I'm getting the name of the celebrity wrong completely?

Mary Lou Retton. What if it's just like, no, David, it's Harrison Ford. He doesn't seem like he remembers much. No. He remembers to put that earring

in every morning. Yeah. I think he leaves it in. Forgets to land a plane every night. Harrison Ford seems like a guy who's not going to come out with an autobiography

I don't think there's going to be do you think there's opportunity for one of us to write it an unauthorized an unauthorized

Harrison Ford yeah that'd be pretty good he's had he's had a great life I think so I say like he's a dog

he's had a great life he's yeah he's happy we made his golden years as comfortable as we could for him he's not in pain that's what's important yeah yeah yeah he's still he's still got his routine some days he's not all there but but who is he plays a dog in uh secret life of pets too oh really which i just saw in the theater i didn't know it was his voice the whole time i was

like is this liam neeson doing an American accent? A Harrison Ford impression. Yeah. Yeah. He's, man, that guy's got like the luckiest career because he got to go back and do all the characters that he did when he was younger again. Who gets that? Who gets to have a second? I haven't been invited.

No, me neither. What characters did I do? No, I just mean how lucky for him. He got to do the characters. You're talking about Indiana Jones and Han Solo? And whoever his character's name is in Blade Runner.

Where is Fugitive 2? Yeah. Yes. This time his wife was killed by a two-armed man this is making it a lot harder yeah um but he he i mean is that fun to go back and do like he did a lot of indiana jones to begin yeah oh like is that is that also a curse? Does he have Harrison Ford disease where he has to go back and do these characters again? Yes, he's going to have to play get off my plane again.

Air Force Two? Air Force Two is the name of that one. That's, I think, what you would call the vice president's plane. Air Force Two is the name of that one. That's, I think, what you would call the Vice President's plane? Air Force Two? Yeah. Again, the tagline is, get off my plane. Why are you still on my plane? Re-get off my plane.

Who is on my plane? Do you think that the right kid won MasterChef? I do. It was a real heartstring tugger, as we say in the biz. Yeah. He had lost his dad a couple years earlier. Where? Oh, he was huge.

He was this little guy named Che, and so he would spend the whole show being like, this one's for my dad, or my dad taught me to cook this. Just like a super intense, really sweet kid. And then... Did you talk to him? We did not. The winners usually avoid us. I don't know why.

But he... Sometimes there's episodes where their families will show up and just cheer them on, and he has this younger brother named Kosimo, he is could not like away from this guy so sick che has to win so we got more cosimo in the final he's like wearing all these armbands he has kind of a shaved head and a little ponytail he's wearing a vest he looks like he's like i don't know the lead singer of live yeah exactly but he's like six wow somo, one to watch. One to watch. Boy. Yeah. I wonder, maybe they bring him back as a celebrity panel.

I hope so. That's all we, most of our show, most of After Death Junior is just us pitching other ideas for things that these children could be doing or ways to make the show better. Yeah. And I think a show judged by children would be very interesting. Mm-hmm. Because they're quite, like, all I want to do is hear from them. I don't care what Gordon Ramsay has to say. Right.

Ever. Ever. Yeah. Just stop. Because he's always trying to fake you out. He's like, this dish is horribly perfect. You're moving on to the next round. Like, give me your apron.

Because I'm giving you a different apron because you've won. Go up to the balcony. Because he's got that reputation of being mean. Yeah. It's a real bait and switch. But he'll never be mean to a kid. No. He'll just say, hey, don't cry.

Yeah. Hey, hey. Sometimes he will pick up their food if it's raw and be like, you're going to kill somebody. And then he'll throw it across the room. That rattles them a little bit. kill somebody and then he'll throw it across the room that rattles them a little bit and then there's this one kid this season who kept saying things like if we serve this some kids are gonna go straight to the hospital and then later in the episode she'd be like i eat this i have a fish allergy i'm going straight to the hospital like oh no jasmine jasmine was so terrified of

hurting people what was the last dish that they had to make? In the grand finale, they get to just make a three-course meal at their choosing. Oh. Usually, they like to say, this is me on a plate. But they all say, what does that mean? For me, it means. Your delicious ears. A businessman eats sushi off of me.

This is me on a plate. Me as a plate. What would you do yeah what would you make if you had to do a three-course meal three courses yeah i mean the first course can be chips okay yeah so chips and dip chips and like a dip that i bought at the store you have an hour to make this okay yeah so that saves me some time. The first thing could be chips. You know, the middle thing, you know, some sort of pizza. Pizza that you ordered. Yeah, a pizza that I ordered.

And then for dessert, a dessert pizza. It's a balanced meal. It all speaks to each other. There's a through line. I love it. Is this show inspired your cooking at all? No, it kind of makes you feel like you just can't, so why bother? Anything is possible.

You can do it. Yeah, anything is possible. I can do it. Yeah. With the adult one, I was traveling in the States, and I was in Austin, and one of the contestants who we'd interviewed lived nearby and so we're like do you want to come

meet us for lunch? So we got to have lunch with this MasterChef contestant and it was like Junior? No an adult MasterChef adult MasterChef in out

in out Caesar great guy we have this two hour lunch and it was like we all went to summer camp together or something because we were

trading hot gossip about all the other contestants and like who was hooking up on set. It was so juicy. I'll have to tell you off the air. Okay, well, we don't know any of these people. Cesar told me that in confidence. We don't know any of these people, so you can just make up two names.

Yeah. Darlene and Borb were going at it. Huh. Borb. Borb irritates me, but it's like, I get it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Always wearing so many bangles. Uh-huh.

The vest. Who's it? Cosmo? Cosmo. Borb is like a grown-up Cosmo. Yeah. Borb can get it. Yeah.

Cosmo. Is that the extent of the reality series that that you watch or is there a whole universe no that's it that's it it's like the only tv i'm watching right now i'm done for the years that's great yeah yeah you've got your whole year's worth done check check check it's pretty intense actually we just finished watching the sopr. I know it's been 20 years, but have you guys seen this show? Man. I've never seen it in the right order. I've seen it all very piecemeal. You did it backwards. Yeah, I did it backwards.

You're like, I am a Memento style viewing. I know I would catch like a season, and then I would just drift away from it for a while, and then I would catch another season. So I never sat down and watched it, which i feel like i should i tried yeah uh when abby's parents lived in vietnam that they bought like a huge eight season box set this was while it was still happening so like i watched all of that and then i watched the last two or three seasons as they were happening. But in the box set, you know, occasionally these black market DVDs would have an episode missing. Extra episodes. Extra episodes about these transforming robots.

The day Tony went to the fair. You're like, I don't remember this. And so I'm not sure. I haven't seen every episode, but I'm confident. Yeah, I can get it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure I haven't seen every episode

but I'm confident yeah but like Charlie Demers past guest is has an encyclopedic knowledge of this show

and will like when something happens in culture or in real life he'll be like oh this is like the episode where yeah

and he knows like he refers to all the characters by their shortened it's so confusing where Carm was like like a close personal friend

yeah did you like it? I ah hmm okay here we go I appreciate it

okay it's hard to watch it after it's inspired so many other things watching it and being like oh well Mad Men's better like Breaking Bad

is better oh and I just all of the characters Astro Shop Junior is better. Astro Chef Junior, which is a direct descendant. They're always making

gabagool. What is that? I don't know. They're using slang for everything all the time. I have to stop so often and just look up what does that mean.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is gabagool? I think it's like a meat. I think it's just like deli meat. Oh, okay. Oh, I would have thought some sort of stew. Yeah. I mean, you can make a stew like deli meat. Oh, okay. Oh, I would have thought some sort of stew.

Yeah. I mean, you can make a stew with deli meat. That could be your final meal. It's just water and deli meat. Yeah, deli meat stew.

I really like these ham slicks. It's so good. So, overall, not... I probably wouldn't watch it again. But did it though but i did it it feels like an accomplishment yeah i like i find it hard now to make time to watch five episodes of a very short season of something yeah the idea of oh i'm gonna watch 10 seasons of the sopros yeah of a prestige drama

yeah yeah and like how many episodes per season like over 20 there's 20 yeah and there's 6 seasons

is it that's a lot I'll crunch the numbers see how much of my life I wasted on it did you do you plow right through it we plowed through

okay yeah cause I've been working on re-watching The Wire but it's been real loosey goosey it's been real

I have one you know watch five episodes and then you need a break yeah yeah yeah like working the oil fields

like two weeks on one week off working the love mines you only get oil lung yeah yeah you only get oil lung um yeah do you have any time for any other reality shows or is that just like i don't i don't know i'm gonna i watch america's got talent i enjoy the america's got talent what are the what kind of acts do you really like best what are are you excited to see? The talented one. The most talented. Stevie, come on.

I like seeing either, you know, one that's, I like the inspirational ones. You know, the ones where it's got a real, like there was a choir from Detroit, and they were all kind of underprivileged kids. Singing about cars. They sang a Macklemore song. underprivileged kids.

Singing about cars. They sang a Macklemore song. I only like the ones with overprivileged kids. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Somebody comes out and just sings about how great money is. And the butler comes out and brings them a microphone to sing. Golden microphone.

Yeah. And they kick a dog while they're on stage um i also like the ones that uh are for sure not going through uh but they have to go outside of the studio like a somebody that like blows themselves up in a box or something like that where it's like they have to go out and do a field and it's like well that's not that can't be a show in Vegas you blowing yourself up is not a show

that we can have over and over again I enjoy that kind of thing where it's very obvious that this cannot be a Vegas show but the judges are like let's see how this plays out yeah yeah but you know Simon Cowell who traditionally, he's the Gordon Ramsay of that set. Very nice to the kids.

There you go. Yeah. There's softies inside. When are those two going to team up? Oh. Road trip. I don't know. Oh, just them going from restaurant and theater.

They go to dinner theater. Perfect. They're in Tony and Tina's wedding Simon and uh Gordon's cross country adventures yeah yeah they go they go to Tony and Tina's wedding

all across the country yeah and try and find the best one oh man oh that that show sounds great yeah green lit the Tony and Tina's wedding is what you think That show sounds great. Yeah, greenlit.

The Tony and Tina's wedding is what you think. It's Simon Cowell's niche. It's food. It's theater. All coming together. Have you ever been? No. But my parents went, and it was a big talking point in the house that everyone was like, oh, and they thought your dad looks so Italian that he got to sit with the family.

Like, how's the show? Don't know. Don't know. Don't know. Don't care. Got to be involved. Now, I'm not sure. Boy, in 2019, how do I ask this question?

How Italian does your dad look? He does have kind of a John Travolta vibe to him. Oh, okay. Does he watch The Sopranos? I don't know. Probably not. No, dad's not. We haven't really been in touch for many years.

Oh, God. So, hard to say. Fair enough. Yeah. Next time we connect, I'll check in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make that your leading conversation point. I know we're a little bit estranged but but you look a little

bit italian tony and tina said so um another thing that you do you you work for a magazine i do and you've been doing this series of uh finding out like kind of like questions that people have about Vancouver and you go dig in. Yeah, it's called City Informer. I guess you'd say I'm sort of like a little detective, kind of a Harriet the Spy type character. It's really fun. It's things that are like... Like what is the statue? In the Burrard Bridge, is there like a...

Can you live there? Can you live there? There seems to be some windows up there. Yeah. So it's been great. So if anybody has any questions, I'm running quite low. What's been your favorite one so far? What happened in the McBarge?

That was a fun one. McBarge, okay. What is? It's in... Oh, shoot. It's in Mission, I think. It's on a lake. But go back. Go back.

The McBarge is a floating McDonald's restaurant that was built for Expo 86. And when Expo was done, they just cut it loose. That's the beautiful thing about building things on a barge. So it was just floating in the barred inlet here for like decades and people would take boats out to it or go like see if they're getting any punks would go out and graffiti it and poke around there's some videos on youtube um and it's not the only what i found in the research is that it's not the only floating restaurant in the world and that there was a town i can't remember i wish i had my notes with me but uh there's a town where they had

two different floating restaurants one was a burger king and one was a mcdonald's and the burger king came loose during a storm and floated down the river and smashed a bridge you can't buy that kind of publicity no yeah yeah so somebody some developer bought the mcbarge a few years ago and towed it out to, I think it's Mission or Maple Ridge. And they're trying to make it into like a water exploration museum. Something very boring that has nothing to do with McNuggets. Right. They've ruined everything.

I mean, a water exploration museum does sound boring. Oh, do we get to explore the water? No, no, no. It's a museum of people who do. Oh, yeah. But it's still designed like a McDonald's, like a floating McDonald's. There's still a counter you have to order exhibits. And we changed the picture of grimace to james cameron and was that i guess that was like

in 1986 that was like considered this is in the future every fast food thing will be on a barge i mean we're getting there yeah yeah that's true um if water levels keep rising. Yeah. How did you find out? Did you like all internet or did you actually go and see the McBarch? I have not seen the McBarch. That would have been better journalism. You're right. Just research, interviewing people, asking questions.

Um, another favorite one I had was about the, there's a series of streets in Vancouver where they're named after the provinces so there's like Ontario Street Quebec Street Manitoba it goes in order and then it doesn't

and then it doesn't yeah and so it was there there was no Alberta Street and there's no U or there is UConn

but it's out of order it's all weird anyways I got a real book out of the library and I was really proud of myself really so

get to the bottom of that so it was it was the streets were named before Alberta was real book out of the library, and I was really proud of myself. Really? Get to the bottom of that. So the streets were named before Alberta was part of the gang. Oh. So that's where Alberta was in the country? Mm-hmm. Wow. But Alberta is one of the streets, but there's no Saskatchewan Street. There's no...

Yeah, oh, you're right. Saskatchewan. Sorry, not Alberta. Oh, okay. So there was a Saskatchewan Street at 77. They added it totally on the other side of the city. They're like, oh, Saskatchewan, sure. You joined the union.

Like you can have a, you can have a street, but we're going to put you over here. And then they changed it. They're like, no, it's better if it's just 72nd. That's fine. Oh, they named it after the number. Wow. There are, there are some streets in the city that are named after people that I don't know who they are. Oh, sure.

Did you know there's a committee of people who get to, like, how do we get on that committee? Because whenever a new street is made, there's all these people who get together to get to decide what it's called. Oh, I think you have to be born into that committee. I think. The overprivileged children. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but they, they're the ones who say this is going to be. I don't think I could tell you what any of the names are like.

I know they're all like, that's a history guy. That's a local history guy. That's a national history. Yeah, yeah. That's that's the thing. Like there's one over by the baseball stadium called Clancy Loringer Way. And I don't know. I don't know who Clancy Loranger

is. Let's find out. It would be so easy to find out. We all have a computer. We'd all have to go to the library. It's a whole thing. It's a whole day. Where's your Clancy Loranger section? The street?

Yes, I'll wait. The guy or the street? People who do research, they still go. They go to libraries. Sure. Micro fiches. Can you imagine? Can you imagine?

I used to. Like in school, I used to do that. Yeah? Used to go through the fiche? I had to. Fiche on a leash. That would just be the assignment. It was like, find...

Oh, what am I going to fiche in? Well, find, like, in a history assignment, find out who murdered my wife. Find out, like, you know, you're doing a story or an essay about World War II, go look up old newspapers and see how many

racial slurs were okay. One, two, three. We had to do one where we looked up our birth date for French class. You looked up the newspaper and found out what the headlines were and then made a French newspaper

about the day you were born. And my big news was like, conjoined twins were born that day. Imagine I found out it was me. Conjoined twins born immediately separate. I don't know any news stories from the day I was born. No, me neither. I know Lady by Kenny Rogers was the number one song.

Extra, extra, read all about it. Stop the breastfeeding. John Lennon was killed seven days later. Oh, wow. John Lennon to be killed in one song. Extra, extra, read all about it. Stop the breastfeeding. John Lennon was killed seven days later. Oh, wow. John Lennon to be killed in one week. John Lennon, look out.

Wasn't there, there was, I feel like a TV show about a guy who got a newspaper from the future. Daily, Daily Future. Daily Future.

Yeah. He would get Morning Edition. Was it called morning yeah maybe early edition early edition yeah he would get the next day's newspaper so then he could go and stop crimes that seems like a lot of pressure what if he's like i've got a day job yeah i can't handle all of this newspaper Like a newspaper is probably back then very big. Today, like a Globe and Mail, no problem. You flip through that. Oh, yeah. Ten minutes.

He's like a gambling addict. He's like, I got to change this basketball score. Yeah. How does he pick the one event every day? Wouldn't it be easier to change his bet? Change the outcome of the game? I'm going to go hobble this guy. But it's like, yeah, it's like he's got a whole newspaper he's got to choose i guess every superhero has to you know make a choice like like also work their day job yeah most of them

journalists yeah usually at a newspaper you should get the the news the day before um dave what's going on with you man well speaking of re-watching things i have been uh well um i've i'm i'm a big uh saturday night live stan i stand saturday night live stan a legend my whole life yeah um standard night thank you yeah yeah yeah we'll workshop it there's no bad idea no bad idea uh but this past season i and i've watched like every episode since i was like eight but this past season i didn't like i i just found myself very busy on saturdays and i market and i would record it but i just yeah night farmers night and I would record it but I Night? Yeah, Night Farmer's Night Market

I would record it but I'd just never get around to watching it I've been watching a lot of sports Sure that occupied my time and then

finally the last week I've started catching up on this season of Saturday Night Live How many episodes is that? I don't know 22 or something

Yeah, sure, okay 22, okay and it's unsatisfying it's a completely live sketch comedy yeah like the topical live sketch comedy totally like the one i'm gonna think back and be like oh yeah i guess uh trump went to argentina at one point in october okay good to know good to know so i guess we need to we're gonna have jokes about that in the cold open maybe some in update yeah yeah um so yeah i've been watching a lot of that and it's been uh yeah, unsatisfying. A chore, would you say? Kind of a chore, but also like, it's not like The Sopranos or anything where you have to pay attention. So many characters.

Yeah, you're just like, okay. There's so many characters on SNL. Holy cow. You're like, who's coming back? I haven't seen this character since the season opener. Was he killed off? Sometimes it's about what they don't say. Yes.

And like watching the Christmas episode and stuff. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't. This was just like kind of a sweet, kind of a sweet Christmas sketch that wasn't really funny. Sure. This has no value to me now. I don't have the spirit of the season. I know that, yeah, I've definitely said it before,

but watching a Christmas episode of anything when it's the summertime just feels so unwholesome. Oh, yeah. It just feels so out of place and just so, I don don't know it's upsetting it's yucky yeah and one thing i've noticed is um and i guess i'm i could have noticed this watching every episode always but just watching so many in short order is when there's a sketch or like a monologue where they're they bring dancers on who are real dancers and not cast members. Right. And they're dancing so hard. And they're like professional dancers. They're not doing a funny dance.

They're bringing real dance just out of that live. That sucks. Like, this is their time to smile. It just makes me feel icky. But, you know, they're paid to do a job. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I'm glad. But, like, the fact that maybe this is the one time they'll be on TV.

Oh, maybe. TV is better than dance. We can all agree. So you think you can dance as down as anything. Yeah. You think you can dance as Tata's anything. Yeah. You think you can dance on TV. I saw maybe like a commercial for like a bed that you can buy, and it featured two dancers. And I was like, these dancers are better than this commercial.

Like they were excellent, and the commercial let them down. But they were still giving it their all. So dancers out there, if you get an opportunity, give it your all. And Dave will hate it. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what it is. I'm sorry, dancers. The other thing that's been going on with me is, so I use Waze sometime to drive around.

It's an app. Yeah. And it tells you where to go. Yeah. It's a very American thing. I feel like in LA, everybody's like, ways,

ways, ways, ways, ways. Well, yeah. And I don't really, like,

I really only use it. So I, when I'm leaving the house in the morning with a kid, you know where to go. No, I know when I'll get there. Like it kind of estimates you'll get there, you know,

10 minutes before you need to get there. And I'll be like, great. Yeah. Great. Now push that back 10 minutes. i can sleep just sit here in the garage with the engine running for 10 minutes i'll be fine um so i uh but they have these celebrity voices oh yes and i i joked on twitter about this i use the dj collard voice and is it really his voice it's really his

voice and like when someone has is promoting something you'll get like oh cars three is out we'll have the owen wilson lightning mcqueen voice tell you where to go that sounds great um because that's who i'm gonna trust a car yeah who better i made a joke about dj collett about how he just introduces your destination and then more talented navigators come on and give you directions uh but i got the dj collett one and he when they get a celebrity voice they don't tell you all the names of the streets you're supposed to turn at clancy lauren so d Khaled, he'll give you the very beginning. He'll be like, all right, bless up. We're walking to the park.

Here's the key to success. He'll throw in as many. Another one. We're driving. Another one. Throw in all of his catchphrases. And then he'll just throw out the rest of it. In 200 meters meters turn right and then when you arrive uh what does

he say um i wrote it down because i loved it so much uh congratulations you didn't play yourself you arrived at your destination bless up nice nice it's like completing a video game yeah that's great so i just like the dj college setting i don't think it's going to be there forever but enjoy it while you get it while you can yeah did you hear he is um suing billboard magazine because he didn't get the number one album like that's not really a great way to make friends he didn't come here to make friends um he uh still even though he's been around now a long time still not sure what he does he's like the hype man for his son from what i can tell he's really into his kid yeah okay so he's he's a he's an active dad active dad really active dad that's one thing

he does i know what he doesn't do oral sex but like i watched a music video with him in it he was was on Saturday Night Live one week. This week. While we were watching all of them. He played Santa Claus in an episode. I missed him because I was watching old ones. He was the musical guest? He was the musical guest. And he brings on, it is,

he introduces, like he comes out and says a thing. Because he's like a producer. He's not really like an artist. But he is a producer. But like Mark Ronson is a producer. Yeah. And he's like a producer. He's not really like an artist. But he is a producer. But like Mark Ronson is a producer. Yeah. And he is like.

Does stuff. He's on stage playing an instrument while, you know, Bruno Mars sings Uptown Fun. But like DJ Khaled just comes out and introduces other people and just hangs out. Yeah. Wow. And like a parade, a parade of other people. Yeah. Like five,

five guys will go on and make a hamburger. DJ Khaled goes out, sits in the audience. Yeah. And just like, but still has a microphone

that says, I know him. I guess there's a value in being a guy who can corral a lot. Yeah. Yeah. I can't.

No, me neither. He's a connector. Yeah. I can't. No, me neither. He's a connector. Yeah. That's something. He's building community. And Malcolm Gladwell will write a book about whatever it is he has.

The curator. Yeah. He's the curator. Yeah. Okay. How do you get that job? I don't know. That sounds great.

It's like a talent scout. Yeah. Like he just, he's just around it. Yeah. Okay. He's a facilitator. So. Like he just, he's just around it. Yeah. Okay. He's a facilitator. So is Simon Cowell.

He can, can they all go out to Tony and Tina's wedding together? I don't know. Is there room? How much are tickets? Yeah, that's right. Simon Cowell is like. How much are tickets? Where is, does Tony and Tina's wedding happen at a restaurant?

Like it can happen in. It can happen anywhere. It can happen anywhere. It can happen anywhere. Oh, what's that behind me? Knock on the door. Yeah, but I think it's like you eat during it. Mangia. Yeah.

Gabagool. You mangia the gabagool. Someone makes a baked ziti. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eggplant parmesan. Pasta fazool. A sandwich. Oh, boy.

There's got to be like a Sopranos food blog or something. Or cookbook. Oh, for sure. A cookbook. Always eating. Yeah. It was, I feel like it was the last show where you could publish, like, an official viewing companion that went with it. There's no series that can get that anymore because they all come out all at once. Oh, sure.

Yeah. Yeah. But remember, they used to have, like, books that were, like, the official companion to whatever TV show. I do remember this. Yeah. So you can be reading it as the show companion to whatever TV show. I do remember this. So you can be reading it as the show is on? After the show. Yeah, after the show. And it would have tidbits and stuff.

Did you know that in this scene, Jerry Seinfeld was unhappy? Yeah, that kind of thing. uh i follow a soprano's uh instagram oh maybe i don't follow it anymore but it's just outfits from the sopranos oh yeah that's pretty good yeah i remember i wanted to do a blog of it was extras in uh but what it was like extras or people in the background of the movie Woodstock. Because there's so many people with like crazy outfits and crazy looks. You're like, what is their story? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Who is that person playing the bongos in the background? Or is that person just holding two babies?

Oh, that's probably, oh, you know what? I forgot. That was what happened the day I was born. Woodstock. Woodstock. You were one of those babies. I was born at Woodstock. Baby born at Woodstock.

What's up with you? This weekend, I went and saw a film, Toy Story 4. Oh. Yeah. Much like your SNL completist, I'm a Toy Story completist. Wanted to see them all. I enjoyed it. Woody and the gang get up

to all sorts of shenanigans. But here's the thing that I've never seen before. Have you seen them all? I can't remember Toy Story 3 at all. I know I've watched it. So I want to re-watch it before I see number 4. I never saw 3 but I know I've watched it. I remember. So I want to rewatch it before I see number four. I never saw three, but I hear it was very sad.

I heard that somebody did this prank on the internet where they recut Toy Story 3. There's a scene where they're like all holding hands and about to go into an incinerator. Yeah. And then, you know, it resolves itself in the movie. But this person cut it so that it just went right to credits after the incinerator bit and showed it to their friend. And they were like, what? The end. credits after the incinerator bit and showed it to their friend and they were like what the end the that the thing about the toy story movies they're not afraid to to get very dark and uh this this one was no exception like there's some very like

very existentialist yeah it's like what is your purpose if nobody's playing with you what who are you what do you mean yes and it was it was a lot of talk about that and uh there's also about like what it means to be alive and stuff it was like heavy it's heavy stuff i don't i don't know like i enjoyed it but i'm like it is a kid getting this? What is the kid getting out of these conversations? Woody's having with Bo Peep about. Right. Your human existence. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Reality and perception. It's very, like, philosophical. Yeah. And kids are deep, though, man. Kids are deep.

Yeah, man. Yeah. But like. No. Kids are deep, though, man. Kids are deep. Yeah, man. Yeah. But, like, the movie, this movie looks so good. Uh-huh. And, like, I watched the first one a couple months ago, and it looks fine, but it's, like, this new one, it almost feels like they just did it just to be like, see? They're showing off. Yeah.

Look how shiny we can make everyone. Yeah, exactly. The first one was 95 yeah that sounds i got a windows that year the boys were back in town the boys were first in town um but going to see a movie at the movie theater is consistently getting worse and worse and worse. What time of day was this showing? This was like a 7.15. So, you know, I knew there was going to be kids there. That's fine. Kids are squealing with enjoyment.

They recognize their friends, Woody and Buzz. I know him. Like DJ Khaled. their friends, Woody and Buzz. I know him. Like DJ Khaled. But there was a gaggle of teens sitting in front of me, and they were talking through the whole movie and taking photos of the screen and posting them to Instagram.

Never seen that before. That was new. That was new. Taking pictures of a movie and posting a story to Instagram? Never seen that before. That was new. That was new. Taking pictures of a movie and posting a story to Instagram. They're trying to bootleg it by doing a terrible job.

I'm taking 24 frames a second. I'll just splice it all together later. It's fine. Do the voiceovers. Buzz. Yeah, you're,

you can't, you're, the helmet off. Buzz, get the helmet off. Yeah, well, Buzz. Oh, Buzz, I'm disappointed in you. Get your helmet off. Get your helmet off and take a lap.

Buzz. But this was, yeah, this was a new, I want to say low for. Oh, for the movie going. For the movie going experience that people take you pictures of the movie as it's happening. How else do you let people know you saw a movie? Oh, you go on TikTok and you do like a quick dance in front of the theater. I guess you take a picture of your ticket. Yeah.

You take a picture at the little cardboard cutout they have of every single movie now. Yes. That's what I did at the late night one. You being interviewed by Avatar My Face on Mindy Kaling's body. Finally. Give the people what they want. It scratches someone's weird itch. I mean, that part of the movie experience has gone up.

The pre-show. The pre-show the pre-show the cardboard industry is loving it yeah but uh yeah it's great uh great opportunities for socials all over the place yeah but uh yeah i just i was like huh i guess this happens at concerts and this happens at the rest of the world. Why not? Why not have it be a part of the movie going experience? Um, the,

the, um, the movie theater, a few blocks from here. Uh, I, I only occurred to me late later that it's maybe only showing movies that are female driven because it, uh,

when the first one I saw around Christmas was the favorite, which is pretty much an all female cast. Uh, then captain Marvel was the next one I saw. Oh yeah. And then they show, they're showing book smart. Yeah.

Late nights there. And then late night. And then I was like, Oh, what's next? Cause no one's really like book smart and late night aren't really setting the box office on fire so they did two weeks of book smart two weeks of late night now they're together and then this week early show book smart late show uh late night um i love that like a movie theater with an agenda

i support it oh totally I mean if you own a movie theater you may as well yeah you can do whatever you want do whatever you want like I'm just looking

at upcoming movies now guessing what this theater is going to have oh they're going to have that Aquafina one no they're going to have that Aquafina one

what's the Aquafina one Aquafina goes to drink some water Aquafina goes to drink some water autobiography yeah like she's a character aquafina goes to summer camp aquafina scared stupid aquafina's big adventure um it is uh she goes to China. Awkwafina goes to China. Her grandmother is dying. The trailer makes it seem like a heavy Awkwafina movie. Yeah. Heavier than her usual fare.

Trying to think of another thing. Ocean's 8. Yes. There we go. Crazy Rich Asians? Crazy Rich Asians. Maybe End of List. Yeah, I don't know. Maybe she was in some animated movie as a voice.

She was on SNL this season. There you go. You're up to date. There you go. You saw The Secret Life of Pets? Two. Two. Yeah. Slop 2 too is that good huh

no it is good no you know it was fine it was uh 80 minutes whatever yeah it was but it's like it's definitely like it's a kid's move oh yeah yeah that's the thing about toy stories it's so good it's not really for kids like i mean it looks like it's for kids but it's Toy Story is it's so good. It's not for kids. It's not really for kids. Like, I mean, it looks like it's for kids, but it's too good for kids. Is it a pun on the word toy store? I don't know. Huh. Yeah.

Because maybe at the time it was, but now it's more famous than the idea of a toy store. Yeah. Huh. Toy store. huh huh store toy store well only one way to find out get mary lou henner uh was she at the meeting where they hey do you remember what it was like in 1995 were people throwing around the word toy store just like in casual conversation. Yeah. I mean, we would have been. We still had Toys R Us.

Why do we still have Toys R Us? It's great. I know, but the States, it went under. But in Canada, somehow it stayed above. No, it didn't go under because it was badly managed or funded. They forgot to bring in toys it was no it was like some corporate uh joffrey the giraffe really big scandals oh that's true i remember that i'm pretty sure it's jeffrey doesn't start with a g i know but it's like when people goffrey no it's. Make a GIF of Goffrey, and we'll get to the bottom of it.

Jeffrey's one of the weird names that can start with a J or a G. Yeah. Well, get him on the podcast, and let's get to this. We don't know. Our microphones don't go high enough. I don't know. A little bit. Not very accessible.

Interesting. Yes, A little bit. Not very accessible. Interesting. I guess so. So you like Toy Story. You hated the experience. Yeah. I mean, I guess I could never see a movie in the theater ever again. I guess it would be fine. Or do you just need to sit at the very front so you don't see what other people are doing?

I'll hear it. The click. The click. Thumb on the button. You should go to the movie theater around here. There's no teens in this neighborhood. There's no teens who want to see these movies. Yeah.

And it's all just like nice women in the audience. Yeah. That does sound nice, actually. Yeah, the crowd at Booksmart is a good crew. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And I like this idea of an early show, late show. Get out in the middle, stretch your legs.

Kick some teens. Get out of here! Yeah. Get your picture taken with the Booksmart... Booksmart? The Booksmart cutout? Do we want to move on to some business? Yeah. um do we want to move on to some uh business yeah yeah this episode of stop podcasting yourself is brought to you by zip recruit oh it's i'm dead zip recruit oh yeah i forgot you died last time

don't forget me don't you forget about me there we go. If you're somebody that has a company and you're looking to recruit people. I'm recruiting some cherubs. Are you? No. For your unholy army? Yep. Dragging them down. A good place to go, ZipRecruiter.

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And listeners, right now, if you are trying to recruit members to your unholy army, you can try ZipRecruiter for free at this exclusive web address, ZipRecruiter.com slash S-T-O-P. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash S-T-O-P. ZipRecruiter, the smartest way to hire. Visit me in hell. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. And together we present Schmanners.

It's extraordinary etiquette. For ordinary occasions. We explain the historical significance of everyday etiquette topics. Then answer your questions relating to modern life. So join us weekly on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. No RSVP required. Check out Schmanners. Schmanners. Schmanners. Get it?

Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, man, people say some crazy stuff. Wild, wild stuff. The darndest things. The darndest things, absolutely. People say the darndest things. They really do. And if you hear something great, this is the place to report it.

And we always like to start with the guest. Wow. I went to the beach yesterday. I didn't want to say anything, but you Wow. Yeah. I went to the beach yesterday. I didn't want to say anything, but you're so tan. I look very sunburned. Oh, sure. My back is unpleasant. But I went.

You didn't want to say anything, but your back is unpleasant. It's very unpleasant. I went to the ocean. Had a little dip. It was very nice. Not too cold? Not too cold. Not too hot.

Hot ocean. Yeah. Is too cold? Not too cold. Not too hot. Hot ocean. Yeah. Is it boiling? Yeah, this is a hot ocean. But there was kind of a gaggle, another gaggle of teens nearby, and they were so stoked. And one of them yells, look at me, I'm swimming in the ocean. A few minutes later, another one's like, wow, oh my gosh, I'm swimming in the ocean. They were just so excited.

Where were they from? Why so many announcements? Yeah, maybe they hadn't. Maybe they'd never been out to the coast. Maybe. Yeah. You know, from somewhere landlocked. I just thought it was cute.

But were they really swimming in it or were they just sort of like splashing around? They were splashing around. There were fewer on the ground. It's hard to swim in the ocean. You got to get like pretty far out before you can really. Struggle for your life. Yeah. Yeah.

Huh. Have I ever swam since I've been out here? Like if you go, it depends on like what part of the beach you're on. If it's like, or how the tide is doing. Because like when the tide is low, you're like just digging in the sand a while um yeah do you have you ever swam in the ocean i guess so like if you're on a boat and you jump off the boat yeah not like a ferry boat but like a power boat yeah power you fall off your water you can kind of swim like parallel with the shore like you go out a little

bit and then just go sideways not a strong swimmer though i like i like my feet on feet on the ground yeah no just a splash i like a splash around yeah yeah yeah that's the old fashion yeah before swimming was invented old fashion it's also terrible like it's so salty and oh yeah oh I loved it and there's animals like just for like but like trying to swim yeah yeah you're constantly

clawing it out like what are you wearing goggles and see in the bottom I don't care anyway they just thought it was sweet they were really excited

proclaiming to the world maybe it wasn't a laugh a minute one I liked it you know what you painted really nice thank you thanks everybody Excited, proclaiming to the world. Maybe it wasn't a laugh a minute one. I liked it. You know what? You painted a really nice painting. Thank you. Thanks.

Thanks, everybody. And you know what? I feel like you're going to the beach. That counts towards my one trip to the beach of the year. There you go. Take it. Take the credit. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah. Dave? Mine is barely a laugh a minute. If yours wasn't a laugh a minute, mine's like a laugh a century. So Poppy is my two-year-old. Yeah. And she's been talking a little bit, mostly one word at a time, pointing at a thing. Yeah.

But now she's putting words together. Oh, yeah, yeah. And now we're going to get into something. I feel like we're on the verge. Right now we're cooking. Yeah. We're on the verge of some really good overheard. The spout is about to be turned on.

And she likes this thing when we put her to bed. She likes to be hugged and picked up and like. Who doesn't? But she's already lying down and the blanket's on top of her and then you wrap your arms around it and just pick her up and squeeze her and like shake her a little bit and she goes harder but before she does it she will request it and the words she's coming up with to request this big bear hug she'll say squish me out squish me as in squeeze me

and out as in pick me up pull me out of the bed. Squish me out. Squish me out. Laugh is it.

Laugh is it. That's cute. Yeah. Really cute. She was wearing a bucket hat or something earlier.

Adorable. Style icon. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. True. Kids can get away with anything. Yeah, and they're not hemmed in

by convention. They don't mind that they spill something on their outfit five times a day. Because you know what? Kids don't have to do laundry. That's true. She got a nosebleed yesterday. Oh no! Yeah.

First nosebleed? Yeah. Alright. Milestone. We were at my parents' house and I guess kids were all doing cocaine. Now that I think about it. No, she fell off. She was jumping on the couch. She fell off. I guess on her nose. I wasn't watching.

You were catching up on Saturday Night Live. I'm busy. The older cousins were in charge. These kids will take care of each other. Yeah.

Takes a village of children. Yes. Yes. Scary. I had blood all over my shirt. Oh, wow.

Yeah. And she had blood all over her dress. Yeah. But you know what? A little OxyClean. Just have a quick bath. Yeah. And she had blood all over her dress. Yeah. But you know what? A little OxyClean. Just have a quick bath. Yeah.

OxyClean, eh? All right. Next time I get my face bashed in. Yeah. What's your overheard? My overheard is courtesy of somebody who is always, I feel like there's always one person on the bus that's treating the bus as if it's their living room. And this person was having a very loud conversation on their phone. And when they got off the bus, the lady that I was sitting next to said, boy, wasn't that guy a pile of peaches?

Sarcastically? Yeah, yeah, yeah. But a pile of peaches. I've never heard of me either. That's positive, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, aren't you a pile? Aren't you a pile of peaches?

Yeah, but she was really, she was taking back the bus. That's good for her. Yeah. Come on, you piles of peaches. Stop being such piles of puke. I like that. Yeah. You know what?

Try and work an interview. I will. Yeah. Why don't you write an article about that? I love it. Cover story. Is that, how many times a day do people, or not maybe not a day. Constantly, I mean, you just did it to me right now, so that's one check.

That's one. I'll be just walking down the street. Well, like, working in comedy, people. Sure, I did joke about it. You know, you should do that in your act. But as a serious journalist. Serious journalist. You get a lot of that.

You're like, you should, how about a piece about. Yeah, yeah, I do. How about a piece about peaches? How about a pile of pieces about these peaches. Actually, a piece about peaches. Peaches, what are they? Where do they come from? Yeah.

Why are they so delicious? Do you remember that song by President of the United States? Peaches. Millions of peaches. I was trying to buy some peaches yesterday, and I couldn't because someone stunk at the grocery store. Oh, man. Yeah. Someone had some bad BO at the grocery store. Oh, man. Someone had some bad BO at the grocery store. It just turned you off.

Well, no, but you select a peach, you do it by smell. You're not supposed to thumb the peaches. You're not supposed to squeeze them. I've got my thumbs all over those peaches. Is that not right? I thought peaches came in a can. Who put them there? A man.

Where? In a factory downtown. That doesn't make any sense. Yeah. You took them all the way from these orchards. Beach orchards? Yeah. Georgia orchards?

A Georgia orchard. That's my porno name. Because my first dad was named Georgia. My mother's name I was born in an orchard. Georgia orchard. Now we also have overheards that have been sent in via email.

If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Morgan Y. here in Vancouver. This is at a 24- hour Vietnamese place on Kingsway. Um, and it was recently was sitting next to a couple who are obviously on a first date as they were asking a lot of awkward questions about their first pet siblings, et cetera. Who's your first sibling? Who's your first porno name? Yeah. They were both trying to figure out each other's passwords.

Yeah. Uh, it didn't seem like it was a great match. They were both trying to figure out each other's passwords. Yeah. It didn't seem like it was a great match. My sister overheard the man ask the woman what her favorite movie was. The woman said, The Dictator. The man exclaimed, Oh, with Charlie Chaplin? To which she replied, No, Borat. No, Borat.

Maybe you've heard of him. Yeah. Anyways, maybe, you know, not everything's a match. Yeah. Not everything ends up in a 125-person wedding. I know. The other day I was trying to set, like, it's my dream to set somebody up, and I'm very bad at it. Like, I will.

You've done it? Not successfully. Okay. My method of setting people up is I'll be like, do you think, like, here's a picture of this person. Here's what they're all about. Do you like them? And then I put them in a Facebook Messenger chat and introduce them to each other and say, like, here's some talking points. Then I leave.

Apparently people hate this. Yeah. Here's some talking points. You both like dinosaurs. Both have a great sense of humor. See you later. Talk amongst yourselves. Yeah, yeah.

So that has not proved successful. But Max, my husband, is much better at this than me. And he had a party the other day where he had two people he wanted to set up and he had a whole event around it just so he could get them in the same room. So he very carefully curated like which friends could come to have optimum chat potential it worked it worked like three dates he's so good i real life cupid he is my goodness lucky that's like something out of a movie yeah like did i make it up for attention? Maybe. There is no Max. Is Max real? Do you care if other people date each other?

No. I think it's nice that people find each other, but I don't think I want to be part of that process. I feel like I'd be butting in. I love butting in. But who am I? How do I know, you know? Yeah, it's none of your beeswax.

Yeah. Although you used to work at an apiary. I know a lot of beeswax. It's all my beeswax. But yeah, like, do you think if this couple at the party, if they do, you know, good to travel down the road, decide to get married, are you going to get a thank you at the wedding? What is the ultimate?

I mean, I want, but hopefully Max will. He sets people up who get married all the time. It's so annoying. For real? Yeah. He has like several friends who have met through him and he's so casual, but he doesn't even really care. He's like, whatever happens, happens.

He's a connector. He's a DJ Khaled of the heart. Wow. Of the love mind. Oh, another one. He says at every wedding. But how, like, I wouldn't know who would be good with whom. He just has a good idea.

I don't know who's single. Don't ask, don't tell. Yeah. And I mean sure maybe they're single and are they ready to mingle these are the

questions I don't have the answers to but good for him yeah so if anybody's looking for love tell Max

because then I kind of get I guess 50% of that credit yeah that's why I'm married you get some kind of like discount

code on love or yeah and also you know That's why I'm married. You get some kind of like discount code on love or. Yeah. And also, you know, that's got some good karma. Yeah, I think so. Yeah. So always trying to build that up so I can do a crime later.

You're so close. I'm so close having enough karma to do something terrible. The key is do a crime, but then do it for the right reason. Yeah. That's, you know. to do something terrible. The key is do a crime but then do it for the right reason. Yes. That's, you know, you should be one of those serial killers who kill serial killers. Oh, yeah.

Be a Dexter. Yeah, I guess he's the only one. One of those. Yeah, but be a Dexter. Yeah. Yeah. This next one comes from

Kate from Toronto. Uh, while walking through Kensington market, I overheard a group of teens talking about a burger joint that they had just come out of. One of them proclaimed, proclaimed loudly. That place is super blessed. I had like no diarrhea after. Where was this? This was in the Kensington market in Toronto. Uh, yeah. So if you're looking for a place,

it's a real kind of a tourist trap, but no diarrhea. I like that he said, like no diarrhea. Not known diarrhea. Practically no diarrhea. I mean, there's always some diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is the modern world. Yeah, it's part of growing up. Absolutely. Oh, boy. Yeah, that's what Toy Story 5 is about. Toys have to reckon with the old diarrhea. And this last one comes from Tyler from Edmonton. You know the classic mom tattoo with the heart and the ribbon?

Yeah. We've all got one. Well, I saw that tattoo on someone, but instead of mom, it said milk. I mean, sure. How much milk do you each drink? Not enough to warrant a tattoo. Do you buy milk? No.

Yeah, but I have it on cereal. Yeah. On tap, I have a milk tap. I have a milk fountain. It's rancid. We buy gallons at a time, like two gallons. I bought two gallons yesterday and we're down to a gallon and a half. Yeah.

What are you milking? What are you putting milk on? I have kids. You just pour some milk on them in the morning, pour some on at night. We'll do smoothies. They'll just straight up want warm milk on? I have kids. That you just pour some milk on them in the morning, pour some on at night. We'll do smoothies. They'll just straight up want warm milk, cold milk. Wow.

I always had to drink a glass of milk with dinner and it was just, it's turned me off of it forever. Like I, it's okay when it's in a coffee. But yeah, it's just so gross. Mom,

put you on blast. Why? Yeah. Why? But it was a thing it's absolutely like my kids will like be eating something that is too dry for them and the drink they've chosen is milk so they're they're in charge of this beverage yeah i mean usually if we we uh having lunch, if we're out, they'll be like, oh, chocolate milk. Oh, sure. Special treat. Chocolate milk will help me swallow these chicken nuggets. Milk and chicken.

My brother always used to make his milk blue. Like he'd put blue food coloring in his milk just to make it more fun. I guess that is kind of fun. It is. Yeah. Sometimes when I was a kid I would watch a sitcom And the family would be drinking soda with dinner Yeah

And I'd be like What type of reality is this? They're not drinking a giant tumbler of milk A milk bag that someone snipped the corner off of In addition to overheards that are written in We also accept your phone calls if you want to call us the phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one

ugh spy pod one like these people have hey Dave Graham and fabulous guest this is Brendan from Federal Way Washington and I've got a overseeing of the time makes fools of us all variety.

I was driving around at work and ended up behind this kind of beat up red pickup truck. And I noticed a very weathered bumper sticker on the back. So I end up behind it at the traffic light. And I'm excited to pull up a little closer and give it a read. And it said, I may not have an honor student, but I've got two direct TV DVRs. Cool.

That was suspenseful. I kind of told that really well. And you know. That was suspenseful. Yeah. I thought that really well. And you know what? He got it? Blunt. Yeah. Yeah.

Got two. I mean, think of all the SNLs he could record. Oh, yeah. Two seasons worth. Well, don't get greedy. Wow. I wonder if that's something that the DVR company gives out. Why do you need two?

Like, how many people are buying two DVRs that you would have special bumper stickers? I mean. Yeah, that's true. If you had two TVs. Oh, wow. Imagine a place big enough to hold two TVs. But is that like, does that predate? Because the way ours work is there's just like one master DVR that you can watch on it, whatever.

Yeah. I don't know how DirecTV works, but apparently Ty made a fool of this person. We're laughing now. Yeah. For the next phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Ted from New York calling in with an overheard. I was walking down the street and this

teenager walked up to his friends and he said, guys, I just heard everyone hates our group. Thanks. Love you. Oh, shit. Big news, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Extra, extra. Guess what? We suck. Yeah. Oh, shit. Big news, guys. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Extra, extra. Guess what? We suck. Yeah. Oh, man. We have each other. Yeah. That's true.

Yeah. I mean, like, it doesn't matter at all. Like, if you had to do any group project, I don't care about any other group. I hate my own group. Yeah. But you're right. That can be, like, you know, like it's a strength in you as a group.

It's you against the world. Yeah, we're like the Mighty Ducks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Did they end up winning in that movie? Which one? Mighty Ducks 3. That I cannot comment on. They maybe won in

season 1. I feel like you'd have to win. Yeah, but it's about participation. Yeah, it's about you can't win them all. Oh yeah, the segment ended with them holding hands and going to an incinerator.

Yeah. Now I remember. All Disney movies. Strength of character. What was his character's name? The Mightiness of Duck. Gordon Bombay's character? Thank you, Gordon Bombay. What a good name.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. There were some big name actors other than him. Emilio Estevez? Yeah. Who else? Kenan Thompson. Oh, right.

From Saturday Night Live. I don't know if he was in the first one. Joshua Jackson. Joshua Jackson, yeah. Oh, Joshua Jackson. Yeah. Good cast.

Good cast, good cast. A mighty cast. Why aren't they redoing that one? That's a good question. Mighty or Ducks? Why don't they make that into an animated movie?

If they're going to do live actions of everything. I love that. Yeah. We're in all girls. That's fun. Play it at the

theater down the street. Yeah. Finally. That's all. I just want to make these all female movies so I have

something close to my house. So I don't have to get in my car. Here's your final overheard. Hi Dave and Graham and probable guests.

I, this is Amarina. I'm calling from new york i just realized i call in a lot of overheards uh that i overheard at stores but you played two of them so that's where all the good shit happens i guess anyway there was a mom and like four kids at a target and i had seen them earlier and the kids you know were trying to buy every single thing in the store, and she was having to tell them no to everything we saw. So then fast forward to 20 minutes later, I'm in line near them, and one of the kids are grabbing probably a candy bar or something. It was like there by the register.

And he said, Mom, we haven't had these in years. And she said, No, you can't have it. And then he muttered under his breath, We used to have them all the time before Mom read the back of it. Just don't flip it over. Oh, no, Mom. Oh, Mom. This chocolate bar has sugar in it. Yeah.

Palm. Palm. Prawns. Everything's got palm in it. That's what I'm learning. She was a palm reader, you might say. All right, see you later. Oh, it's a perfect time to exit.

Yeah. The, yeah, palm's bad, right? I think it's bad for the environment. You kill a bunch of monkeys or something. Orang-o-tans. I think you're right, but it's the way you said it.

You kill a bunch of monkeys. But they were serial killer monkeys. You can't make an omelette without killing a bunch of monkeys. Stacy. Hi. This brings us to the Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can't make an omelet without killing a bunch of monkeys. Stacey. Hi. This brings us to the end of this episode. What a whirlwind.

Yeah. Thank you so much for being our guest. Thanks for having me. Happy Canada Day. Back at you. And happy... You're wearing a red shirt for Canada Day. This is pink.

Okay. Well, my eyes are failing me. I was just developing photos in the other room. What are some things that you would like to plug that are upcoming? Tonight, July 15th, it's my birthday. So if you want to have a slice of cake for me, that would be great. We've also got Nasty Women at the Belmore Cabaret. It's a group of women improvisers.

Very fun. Very fun. Also this week, July 17th, my duo Garbage Sisters has an improv show, Willamette Gallery. And July 19th is Slideshow, a show that Max and I put on together where improvisers do made-up PowerPoint presentations

that they haven't seen before. It's lots of fun. That's great. And Max might introduce you to your next life partner. If you show up at the show. You pay extra for that. It's a VIP ticket. Nasty Women and Garbage Sisters.

Yeah, should have a little more self-respect. It should be nicer names. No, no, no. It piques your interest? Trash. Trash. And we very shortly, in very short order, we will be in Mont-Ral for Just Pour Rire on July 26th. And you in the shortest of orders starting today.

Yeah, I'm in Winnipeg doing the Winnipeg Fringe. Oh, la, la. Yeah, I'm doing Quiz Show. Doing the Winnipeg Fringe. Ooh la la. Yeah, I'm doing Quiz Show. And only for a short amount of time, because then I've got to sneak off to Just for Laughs.

So get them tickets early. Or don't get them at all. No, wait. Say the first one. The first one. Yeah. Why did I add that caveat? Stupid, stupid.

And thank you all of you out there for listening if you enjoy the show why not tell a friend and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.