Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 597 - Becky Johnson

Episode Date: August 26, 2019

Improviser Becky Johnson returns for the first time in 10 years to talk high school, reading a book, and a white party.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 597 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who doesn't like a fat ibuprofen. I just learned that just now. Mr. Dave Shumker. I mean, I don't want to body shame any pills.

Yeah. You like a slim. I like the tablets, not the gel caps. Okay. I've had a gel cap stuck in my throat for about four years can you i just gave becky one uh we'll get to that in a minute uh oh did it was that she made a face like she has a secret headache no you just didn't introduce me yet all the rules went out the window about 400 episodes ago.

Our guest today, you can catch her in Toronto as part of Catch 23. Improv? Yeah, on Fridays. On Fridays. And it's been 10 years since she's been here. Improviser extraordinaire, Becky Johnson's our guest. Hi, I'm full of ibuprofen. Yeah.

It went all the way down. It didn't just suck in your throat? Yeah, I got some greasy pipes. It goes right down way down. It didn't just stuck in your throat. Yeah, I got some greasy pipes. It goes right down. You know what? You've got beverages. Like, I can swallow a tablet.

Show me. Well, I don't have any here. Yeah, right. I can swallow a tablet with nothing, but you've got... You can? I can. A tablet? Yeah.

Not me, man. I used to be able to, and then I tried once. I decided to try again while driving. And that was a bad idea. Terrible, dangerous idea. Yeah. Let's start this podcast off by saying, if you think you remember being able to dry,

swallow big pills, don't just retry it way later while you're behind the wheel of a car. This is, this has been a public service announcement. Seriously. It was a terrible idea. I feel like I don't, I'm not just dry swallowing them.

I, I work up a bit of a lather in there. Yeah. Yeah. You can swallow a terrible idea. I feel like I'm not just dry swallowing them. I work up a bit of a lather in there. Yeah, yeah. You swallow a little shampoo. I still consider that technically dry. You didn't add. You didn't add water. You produced your own.

But, like, one time a couple weeks ago, I had a headache. No one in the office had any pills or anything. And I went to the grocery store or the drugstore. And, like, I got the pills. And from that point until I was checking out, until I got onto the street and took them, I was saving up saliva. Did you just have to talk to the cashier? No, man. No, you're too full.

No, it's too full. Well, it was a self-checkout. That was good, Graham. Thank you. Do we want to get to know us? Oh, yes. Get to know us. So, Becky.

Yes. We had, a few weeks ago, we had Bita Judakian, and she hadn't been on in seven years. Yeah. We had someone else who hadn't been on. Oh, Dan Werb hadn't been on in an age And Beck But I don't think We've ever gone 10 years Did I beat everybody

Yeah I think so Yeah you did it Cool Congratulations Oh so it's been 10 years Since I've been on the podcast Yeah July 2009

Holy macaroni I thought it was a decade But that felt Impossible Yeah Because I don't know How long podcasts Have been around

That's twice as long As I've had like a cell phone. Really? You didn't have a cell? No, you must have had a cell phone in 2000. No, absolutely not. You didn't? No, no, no.

I would buy burners on the road. I'd buy flip phones at Kroger in the States, like a drug dealer. But we didn't have, I've only had a smartphone for six years, and that's how long it took to completely destroy my brain. Yeah. Yeah.

Well yeah. Absolutely. I resisted the smartphone for like a year because they were so expensive when they came out. This is the other thing. I was living like a

like a craft rat. Like I didn't have the money to handle this habit and then when I became an actor full time I was like well you can't you can't not have a phone.

You're not allowed. Define craft rat. Ah, I was traveling the continent, probably last time I was on here. Yeah. Traveling the continent, uh,

selling crafts and not making money like a little rat eating garbage. I see. Yeah. On the subway, rat stuff. Um, uh, do you still craft just for the enjoyment?

I do. I shifted right back into that and it was way better. Now I make quilts that if I sold them for my hours at minimum wage would have to be like $2,000. Right. And I give them to my nieces and nephews. Ah, nice. And I sew and I'm calm and I listen to the CBC. There you go.

What were you making before? I made, I made pinback buttons. That was like sort of a, I felt like it was a good industry to have at home around my whatever acting stuff. So making band pins and stuff. But then my bigger things where I would make big crochet based installation pieces. So I still would make those now. I haven't in a while. I've made a couple big large-scale installations,

but so much better. How large scale? Like the size of a room kind of thing? I never worked up to that big, but I have a couple pieces that are six or seven feet tall. Wow. Yeah, but you make them in little bits. I mean, also a quilt is longer than that.

Yeah, that's true. Like an afghan that you crochet would be. I know nothing of quilt. Like, where do you sleep under? Huh? Where do you sleep under? Newspaper. Oh, so those are littler, right?

So you don't understand the size of a blanket. They're usually larger than human size. Yeah, that'll help. Wait, you said something. Yeah, where did you learn how to do all this stuff crocheting and quilting and my mom taught me some stuff i weirdly learned some of this in high school in school really home ec yeah you wait because i went to your high school not for one year i went to track okay but you had even less time in school okay so track is

an outdoor education program and half the year you're in the woods and then half the year you're in a room full of couches and you have to take classes but i didn't i didn't know that side of it yeah the classroom environment was very loose so wait oh no wait take me through this whole thing you'd literally be out in the woods for weeks on end you well, sorry, I mixed it up. When you're in the big coach's room, so when you're at school, you're like. Which sounds great. Yeah.

The big couch's room sounds fantastic. It was awesome until the coaches got lice. Anyway. They always do. Yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, you're lucky they're not bed bugs. Yeah. Lice you can shampoo.

I bet they don't have those couches anymore. They can't have them in there. It would be bed bug central. I bet. Why do they still have them after the lice? They didn't. We lit them on fire. It would be bed bug central. I bet. Why do they still have them after the lights? They didn't. We lit them on fire. We lit a couple on fire.

Everyone with dreads had to shave their head. Everyone with dreads had to shave. Oh, that sounds like a good opening lyric to a, like a song about oppression. Yeah. Yeah. Like a hardcore song.

I've really digressed. Okay. So you'd be in this big couch room, and you would spend your time cleaning outdoor gear and learning about orienteering or whatever. Yeah. And then you'd go out on big, long trips on bicycles or climb up a mountain for a week. Really? But you didn't have to do the, there wasn't like an academic side? There was. So then that's half the year.

There were two classes, and you'd switch in the middle and but they both had couches right there were two groups of students that's what i meant by class you'd switch in the middle and like so we did our outdoors first then our academic second and your academics are really condensed so you do like two blocks of english and two blocks of math a week. But it's only big enough for one class. So everyone has to take the same electives. Okay. Which is one elective, which is a mix of like all shop.

I made like, we're going to build some new couches. I made a stained glass fairy, uh, like a ice cream scoop that I poured in a sand cast with aluminum wow yeah and the other thing was sewing uh it was sewing and we were supposed to like be sewing out gears stuff for each other but i guess i'd already learned how to sew so those of us who knew were like yeah we're done yeah yeah yeah we finished them the first day these gloves were supposed to be spending a month

making and then what were they two hand pieces that you just had to sew together i mean there We finished them the first day. These gloves were supposed to be spending a month making. And what were they? Two hand pieces that you just had to sew together? I mean, there was like a jointed thumb, but if you knew how to sew, it wasn't hard. And then other people were like, I broke the needle. I hate that.

They never touched a machine. That was me. Yeah, I can't sew with a machine either. But those of us who were good at sewing, the teacher was kind of like, well, come here and I'll teach you crochet. So we just learned all these other things because we knew, because we,

our assignments were done very, we made our like, like, Gore-Tex bag, two mittens. We were done. Homemade Gore-Tex bag. Yeah, you had to weave your own Gore-Tex out of.

Plastic. Plastic and like, whatever Kevlar is made out of. Space, space stuff. Yeah, I i mean i know it's bulletproof so they start with a bullet and they work backwards that's right yeah you just find you shoot at different fabrics and whichever one stops it is sort of homeopathy right it's made of bullets so bullets can't hurt yeah i think so there you go treating like with like yeah so like what was this a different school or a different it was a different school okay oh no but we were in a normal we were in a school we were these people were in a school they had us like while

other kids were in class we had to like fill backpacks with bricks and run up and down the stairs why did why did this exist did that come in handy when you were out in the wilderness well they had to make sure you could do certain things we had to and they had to make sure you wouldn't complain well i can't remember now i got called on this number as if it couldn't be real but we had to swim so many laps of kit's pool all at once it was like we had to swim five or ten kilometers all at once they made us do that it took me a day and i felt like dying but this sounds like this wasn't actually part of a school you have to ask lindsey ames because she was there with me really yep lindsey didn't didn't like it but did you take to it did you like this i i liked parts of it but i

wasn't very strong anyway but the big long swim was like that was the furthest you'd ever be away from shore if you were in a paddling trip because we were in the open ocean so they had to make sure you could swim the kilometers to shore that were required for you to not die i don't know that this is allowed anymore this is the 90s, this sounds like somebody went broke. On your paddling trip, you'd be wearing a life jacket, right? You had to make your own life jacket. Just so.

Yeah. Which would be even harder to swim all those kilometers as a life jacket. Yeah, but at least you could take a break. Yeah, just float around for a while. Yeah, I get it. Float back.

Because I swim from time to time, too. Oh, do you? How is it? It's is it it's bad it's bad and i it's it's all i can do to not die because i don't have that i can't change gears from like the way you like you can when you're running at a sprint you can also just jog at a leisurely pace i can only swim in a sprint to like what you can only swim in a panic. You can only swim so fast. Well, I,

but not very fast, but like, I don't, I can't just like, it might, when I get in the water, I'm just like, well,

it's either swim or drown. And like, those are my only speeds. Hmm. Wow. So I'll switch to backstroke for a little while. Do you use the shark trick to make you go faster? Just convince myself there's a shark.

Think about one. Yeah. shark? Just think about one? Yeah. Well, I think about baseball. Is that scary to you? No, but it really calms down my sex urges. Wait, what? Oh, no. Okay, The Simpsons.

No, it's like an old-timey that you're supposed to think about baseball during sex to, like, slow things down. Yeah. I think about all these hard bats. Yeah, exactly. And flying balls. No, I guess. The sexiest game ever. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. And all the peanuts, cracker jacks. Tight pants. Yeah. Old guys. Old guys doing box scores. Yeah. Old guys just spitting out brown goo.

That's sex, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Old guy's just spitting out brown goo. That's sex, right? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's how I like to define an old guy spitting out brown goo. Oh, I'm so sorry. I took us down this little path. No, no.

I think, well, now they just spit out sesame seeds. Yeah. Healthier options. Yeah. Sesame seeds? Yes. Sunflower seeds seeds you're right oh you were so your face was like i pictured it and i was very excited about these baseball men filling their mouths with sesame seeds they're just feeding the birds i'm gonna try that.

Seems like the first baseman's being attacked by seagulls. Oh, it's strategic where they spit the seeds. They do it while they're running around. Oh, boy. Baseball needs to tartan up. Get the birds in.

Yeah, some sort of... I was reading an editorial about how there are teams that aren't even trying this year. the birds in yeah some sort of what was i reading i was reading like an editorial about how they're like teams that aren't even trying this year like that that there have been new lows set this year in terms of like consecutive losses and consecutive uh giving up a home run oh yeah yeah and well they have teams that just stink like so bad like on purpose yeah that they're not they're not really trying because there's no uh punishment no punishment for being the worst team. You'll get fired?

Well, like in soccer leagues or whatever, if you're the worst team in the league, you're... You go down to the lower league. Yeah. Oh, I didn't know this. Yeah. But in baseball, there's no... They're like, yeah, this is fine. Like we're never...

We'll be here next year. Yeah. I mean, people might not come to see you. Yeah. I wondered if it was a marketing thing, like, try to be the worst, like the Toronto Maple Leafs. It's like, try to just never win, because then that becomes what the fans are happy about. They're like, we love them more, because they don't win. Because we get to be loyal, too.

We get to prove our... Oh, so do you think if the Maple Leafs ever won that people would be like, eh. I think they'd have a really fun year and then hate them the next year. What's going to happen with the Raptors? Do we expect them to win again, even though just one man won that game? And he left. And they went away? No, we don't expect them to win.

I don't know much about sports, but... I mean, if Drake's still there, they might win. Is he helping? They should let him play a game just to really humble him a bit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. They should let him play one exhibition game.

But if they let him play, they should have to make Jack Nicholson play for the Lakers. I don't disagree with that. And his loafers. I'm fine with him and also Spike Lee. Yeah, yeah.

Could it be the finals? The finals? Is that right? Yeah, yeah. If it was the Raptors and the Lakers, could it just be like a game of 21 between Jack Nicholson and Drake? I mean, that would be outstanding. Yeah.

Like if it goes to overtime. You guys, we can't wait all night. There's a clause in the decree. Your most famous fan has to play their most famous fan. And he is allowed to wear sunglasses. That's why you're hoping you end up playing against Milwaukee because nobody's famous there. I wonder. Can you please tweet at Stop Podcasting Your and say who the most famous milwaukee fan is

yeah yeah i'd like to know can i ask that on your behalf absolutely great thanks um but yeah i feel like uh uh didn't drake like he had like some kind of festival and he had a big a giant replica of the nba trophy was part of the set so i feel feel he thinks that he was part of the win. I'm not a huge sports follower, so I'm not a great representative of this, but this is sort of the word on the street I'm hearing, is that he thinks he's on the team. Yeah. I went to...

Maybe he showered with them. Is that possible? After a game that they were like, yeah, get in here. He for sure, when they're spraying around champagne, he jumps in. Yeah. I went to a Vancouver Grizzlies game. Oh, the Grizz. And my dad's office had second row seats.

Wow. And so sometimes we went and we sat behind the owner one time. And one time I sat behind the actor Lou Gossett Jr. Wow. What was he shooting in town? I don't know. He's got a cabin here, you know. Yeah, maybe he's on Denman Island.

He was doing some stand-up paddle boarding. And there was like a six-year-old sitting near us and he turned around and showed the six-year-old his Los Angeles Lakers championship ring that he had made as a fan. Wow.

Cool. Wait. I'm going to do that for a high school ring. I'm going to pick a cool high school. The one that you went to. Kitsilano.

No, the Trek one. Oh. Prince of Wales. Prince of Wales. Kitsilano was definitely a cooler school than Prince of Wales. I'm going to get a hybrid one. Top half says prince of wales bottom half says kids which is great

because you're sort of mixing a first nation's name and absolute colonialism yeah yeah yeah yeah i'm an artist yeah um can i ask a question i just want to go back to this grizzlies game yes um do you remember any fun antics that were portrayed by super grizz or grizz well grizz and super grizz uh grizz was his mascot he was a mascot with an alter ego yeah when it was time to go like run and jump and do the um uh like do the dunks he put on the cape. He would like but he would like rappel from the ceiling of the Coliseum.

Yeah. No the GM place at the time. At the time GM place. They've renamed it Rogers Arena. They've renamed it

It was GM place in the 90s? Yep. Oh. I don't know what it is. That's when GM was on top man you couldn't stop him. Wow.

He had a long reach. Pre-bailout. The rust belt really goes far. Anyway, he was, Grizz is fun. You're pretty out of control. Yeah, he was good. All the NBA mascots are gymnasts. Who gets those jobs?

Gymnasts. Like retired? No, they work for... I mean like retired from athletic. But making way more money as a mascot right but it's like how the olympics are supposed to be amateur and then you like when you retire from the olympics you become an ice capades and then you get become an ice capade you're a skater yeah they've changed the rules a little bit around that it used to be all amateur and now and then hockey hockey crazy yeah and basketball

and well hockey they stopped the letting the professionals play but the women can be professional level because they just don't have opportunities to be professional that's right uh yes yeah they that that is correct thank you for explaining um but now they uh they now have opened it to people who don't have a second job like the they now have snowboarding and they have like Sean White they don't just let

you know the amateurs do it but they've also opened it to people who don't know how to do the sport okay tell me about this one per

sport yeah is just anyone who thinks they can do it. That's what that movie Eddie the Eagle is about. What's that? One per sport is just somebody who is like enthusiastic. Yeah, and you don't hear a lot about it because when it's like, say, a racing sport, you don't see much of them because they're really far back. Unless they get out in front in that first 10 meters

and really kind of... Like, oh, early lead by average show. He really should have paced himself. This is a marathon. No, they can't kind of get them in the shot most of the time. So you don't hear about it too much, but they're there. How long do you think

you could lead a marathon? Like a professional marathon? I think for like under 30 seconds. If you started at the starting line. Yeah, at the starting line, if I was right up front, I think I could lead for 30 seconds. Zero seconds. It's a 26-mile race.

You think if you sprinted out, like just right at the beginning. People don't start that way? No. I mean, everybody jogs. sprint it out like just right at the beginning. Yeah. People don't start that way? No. I mean, I think what looks like them jogging is faster than I can jog.

Yeah, that's what I'm asking. I think zero seconds for me. I think I could do, I don't know, two hours. Wow. How long does it

take them to run it? You know, for a professional, under two hours. Are they really professional? Oh, I guess after they do the Olympics, they do the run capades. Yeah, what happens to the runners? What's their fun entertainment for us?

They do. They travel around the world. Running? Yeah, doing marathons. And the winner wins a big pot of cash. A big turkey, yeah. Yeah, eat this. You must be hungry.

You must be starved. Marathon's the someone that makes people have seizures and die though that's not a good thing to keep doing forever um yeah i think if you're somebody that has the right physiology to be doing it then you can do it forever right but like i think for some reason average citizens are like yeah i'm gonna do this as well and their nipples bleed and nipple bleeding is the least of your concerns. You can get spaghetti legs. Speak for yourself.

You can get spaghetti legs. Haven't you seen them getting spaghetti legs? Yeah, where they get like the noodley legs. Is that like a condition? It's a medical term. When you say their legs are noodley, as they're running? Yeah, yeah. It's just everything stops working. I've never been told, but it seems like they're running or yeah yeah like it's just everything stops working

and it's I've never been told but it seems like they're probably pooing their pants they are for sure yeah you've never been told

their pants it looks like they're wearing trousers mistake number one oh these are chafing you you can come from work

but you have to change yeah I'm only at the one mile oh no the crease is coming out of my but you have to change I'm only at the one mile oh no the crease is coming out of my trousers the cuffs of my wool pants are filling with poo how do you get in the cuffs

did you poo over the edge don't push me cause I poo in over in my pants oh boy have you seen there's a documentary about oh boy it's like Because I poo in my pants. Oh, boy. Have you seen, there's a documentary about, oh, boy, it's like, there's ultra marathoners who do like, whatever, 10 times, however long. Run from Vancouver to Toronto. Yeah.

Like instead of 26 miles, they do 260 miles or something. I don't know. That's not that far. It's a number i pulled out of nowhere uh but there's this there was a documentary about this like non-stop um just like people i think it's biking oh yeah and people are just like biking forever and they like make these contraptions so that they don't fall off their bikes. Like a brace?

Yeah, make a metal rod so their head doesn't fall down. So they attach it to their back. Wow. So they can keep biking when they're unconscious? Yeah, it goes all night. Yikes. People die. Yeah.

This thing that I have one detail of, yeah, it's dangerous. Highest snow. There's ones where people go through, they run through the Sah just know there's like there's ones where people go through they run through the sahara desert yeah there's ones where people run through a sprinkler on a summer's day i i'm good at that yeah yeah i can i can get out of the gate faster than all the kids at that she just knocked all these toddlers over it's not her sprinkler And now she's falling behind My nieces and nephews last year They had a

I guess they still do But it was only I've only seen them use it one summer A slip and slide Oh, so much fun It did not look like something an adult could do No We could make a bigger one

Yeah, that's true You want to do that with some tarps? Do I want to do that? Seems like a Dave activity. Yeah. Yeah. Let's get your tarps out. Yeah, I guess I own so many that I use for shelter.

What are tarps for? Oh, my God. You know, wrapping up. One percenter. Yeah. You know from outdoor school. You know what tarps are for. Yeah, Graham and I are pretty tarp forward in our lifestyle tarps are for whatever you can you can tape a part over where your window got smashed

out in your car absolutely you can hang you can oh i'm sorry i don't i i've been using a burlap sack oh how bespoke oh no i'm it's because i'm uh poor poor you called me a one percenter and I'm very defensive about that okay a tarp is a great way to if you want a Christmas tree you don't want to buy one you drive around

the fancy neighborhoods in Toronto where people got a Christmas tree before Christmas and then went on vacation for Christmas take it out of their garbage wrap it up

put it in your Subaru station wagon this is great holy moly because by the time you've got this used christmas tree those needles are falling off yeah you don't want them through the hallway that's how you get into your house keep it in there rolled up for until christmas is over so that you can toss that now very dangerously dry tree because you didn't water it enough

yeah i didn't know that was the uh i didn't know if people did Yeah. I didn't know that. Off the balcony. That was the, I didn't know people did that. I assumed. Well, I do that because I really want a Christmas tree. No, no, no, no. But I don't want to buy, I want to reuse one. No, what I mean is I didn't know people threw out their Christmas trees before Christmas. Yes. That's a, this is like a real.

It's a real problem. This is, this is a real like news you can use. This is like a. This is an issue. This is a trick of the trade. There's also trick of the trade This is a cool craft rat move In Vancouver what you'll see a lot I don't know if people steal them This way but you'll see

Quite often people Because all the Christmas tree lots Have been rained on for weeks and weeks You'll get your Christmas tree And then people buy a Christmas tree and they just leave it outside to dry for a day or two. Like covered under the balcony or something.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Also, a Christmas tree lot, very easy to break into. Usually it's just like a chin height fence that you can just climb over and then very tall, throw a tree over to your friend into their tarp, into their tarp. And then away you go.

This comes back to track because the lice got spread because we had a Christmas tree lot and we were sharing Santa hats. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I will tell you, there was someone who stayed there all night.

So you can't break in. And that couldn't have been a teacher, could it? Did a teacher live in a parking lot for the winter? Yes. In Vancouver in the 90s? Yeah, probably. Yes, a teacher lived in it. But they were fine with it because.

They got somewhere to stay. Yes, exactly. There was free lodging. Yeah. with it because uh they got somewhere to stay yes exactly that was free lodging yeah um this uh christmas hat chain like a exchange that you had to figure out who it was that was the uh i mean the dreadlocks zero seem to be uh i don't know i just i think dreadlocks would be hard for lice it's not as much uh hair to kind of like hang out in. I don't want to make a statement

on this topic. I don't remember there being a patient zero, but I think we were kind of understanding kids and it doesn't

matter. If it was my school, we would have grilled everybody. We would have figured out who it was.

What school did you go to? I went to Lord Beaverbrook in Calgary, Alberta. You made that up. I didn't.

That's a weird name. You haven't seen his high school ring? Yeah, it's his Prince of Wales Kitsilano. I'm Lord Beaverbrook. It's really busy. Yeah, it's really busy. It's quite large. People don't know it's got opal in it.

Yeah. Graham has a high school ring Of everyone he's ever met Yeah Aww Yeah yeah yeah That's a lot That's a lot That's a lot

I mean Yeah My financial advisor is like You're spending a lot On Jostens Lots of Lots of your money Is going straight to Jostens

What does a high school ring cost? I don't know anyone It costs you Three years of hard work Wait you were only in high school For three years? Yeah But you could goof you were only in high school for three years? Yeah, but you could goof off for one year. We had junior high.

Junior high went until nine? Yeah. Oh. No, we had five whole years of high school. Yeah. Not me, man. Three years of high school. In and out.

In and out. No option to go hang out in the woods at any point. I would have taken it if that had been on the table to like do track. I would have done it. Yeah. Yeah. You like the woods. Sure.

They're okay. They're fine. I mean, you look like you like the woods. Yeah. They're fine. It's, you know, uh, if I don't see them for a while, that's fine too. You know what I mean? Yeah.

They're still going to be there. Yeah. It's just sort of your brand. Yeah. Yeah. Woodsy woodsy yeah sort of aromatic what would you say my brand is oh boy craft rat thank you kind of like post craft rat that feels right yeah because now you're now you're an improviser rat yeah well i was always an improviser now i get to do be on tv oh yeah yeah as an as a rat yeah yeah yeah your brand is sort of craft rat burner phone craft at burner phone and no in commercials i do know what it is it is disapproving wife i've gone to so many auditions and just scowled. So what

types of ads are we talking about here? Anything. Like a restaurant? Anything. A man is having fun and the woman is like stop it. Stop getting so much crazy bread. I'm picturing you in one specific restaurant and it's a little scissors. And this is good for nobody because the men are all like doofy

idiots. Yeah. And these relationships are terrible. This is this is a um it's the like every king of queens uh clone it's it's still they're still making commercials of it yeah yeah maybe it's relatable i don't know i don't know i don't ever relate to anybody in any commercial i have never seen a commercial and gone like there i am but what do you think they're trying to sell to you uh it's not for you bug spray for home use yeah some sort of bugs i i in my relationship i am i am the scowler scowling wife yes yeah you're the scowling yeah oh that seems yeah yeah i like order i'm the scowler in my relationship. Imagine how chaotic we are. Yeah, well, that's your type.

That's why you go on these commercial edits. No, but I mean, you know me. I'm a bit weird. And I'm the one who's like, let's get organized. That's not true. That's not fair to my husband. Is he quite organized? We're differently organized.

Oh, yeah. Well, that's... And share a lot of chaos. Okay. Yeah. Okay. But you share the chaos, and. And share a lot of chaos. Okay. Okay. But you share the chaos, and that's what makes a functional relationship. I want to speak for him. Well, let's get him in here.

Let's wake him up. He's been in the corner the whole time. No, I walked here, but he's just asleep in the bushes out front. Oh, man. There's a commercial that's been casting. So my office where I work is right next to a casting agency. And we get commercials. They mostly cast commercials. And you see, oh, today it's little kids.

Today it's twins. Today it's old Asian ladies. It's construction workers. There has been this commercial casting for, I think, four weeks now. Oh, what is this narrow type they're looking for? It seems to have been a cattle call because they are looking for families. And they're looking for different members of the family to be singing a song from the Blues Brothers. So every 10 minutes for the last three three or four weeks we just hear everybody needs somebody now they're supposed to

be bad singers i gather you know or forget jimbalution well here this is what's interesting according to you this is cool that you're leaking this information because the actors who audition are not allowed to. Casting directors are not allowed to. I know, I know. I didn't sign anything. The fact that you just hear stuff. Yeah. That's in the ether.

That's nobody's problem. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So when you see some, I'm assuming Christmas commercial this year. Blues Brothers themed family Christmas. Yeah. If you're an actor and you show up at an audition with sunglasses on already, then they'll be like, this person's got it.

Yeah. Yeah. But it must be like that they're trying to, because they just get so many people and they're like, well, we also have to cast these people to look like they're, five of them are related. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I've like, for a short window of time, I went out on auditions. And I did one where I was with different kids. And I was like, I don't look like any. This is not believable.

This is not believable. Noodle soup. Yeah. I got cast in a commercial. I shot out here. So sorry that I stole this job from a Vancouver actor. Apology accepted. This was 100% scowling wife. Okay.

And they cast this little. Do you do arms folded when you scowl? I give them options. Okay. For commercials, you've got to give them so many options to see what the client wants. But they cast this little girl and they like got her glasses exactly like mine. And it was, it was really cute. Yeah. It made me, I don't have kids. So I got to just send pictures to my husband and be like, like this. And it was really cute. I don't have kids, so I got to just send pictures to my husband

and be like, like this. This is kind of the thing. Anyway, I guess I did it, in a way. She went away with her actual mother. What did her mother look like? Not me. The other thing I've found, I'm quite tall. How tall are you? I'm 5'10".

Taller than Super Chris. I'm guessing. Super Grizz? Yeah. He's Super Chris. Yeah, I'm Super Chris. Yeah. The Vancouver Chris's mascot.

The Vancouver Christopher's. And it's one of those mascot costumes that is a human, but bigger and fluffy. Yeah, it's a big foam rubber. Why? Anyway, I'm 5'10", bare barefooted i like to wear a heel and uh so when just one though just one walk around in a circle um no wonder you lose these marathons never got started i'm a never ran um so when they cast uh children to be my child uh they're usually short kids. So they're older.

Right. And to look tall enough, they're not going to be my height. Does that make sense? Yeah. So it's like shorter parents. So they've cast like a 16-year-old to play a 12-year-old to look like my kid. Right. But if this were on TV and this show kept happening, the kid would stop making sense as my child.

I've never, like, for all of the sitcom families, I've never thought even for a millisecond that, like, this is just some kid. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, there's never been a believable. They grew up to be like, no, they're not related. Malcolm in the Middle. What's happening to these? Full house. These kids are half Greek.

These blonde children. So that was a problem from the get go. That wasn't even just growing up and looking different. That's right. They were half Greek. Yeah. Weird. Especially because there's one episode where the Greek family comes and visits them.

Oh, and there's a little cousin. There's a little cousin. So they can both be in it. They can both be in it, but she's molto Greek-y. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh. Is that a language you would ever learn? Greek?

Yeah. Could you even begin to? No, I don't. Opa, I know. Spanakopita. Spanakopita, sure. Strombolobulus. Panagopoulos.

Panagopoulos, sure. Then it gets a little hazy. No, I think Greek is a language that I can't even, I couldn't even do a fake. Yeah. I couldn't do a fake't even I couldn't even do a fake Yeah. I couldn't do a fake Greek. I couldn't either and we went to school in a predominantly

Greek neighborhood. Yeah, we did. And I worked at a Greek bakery as my first job and I can't do an impression of it. Really? Is it like a is it like a secret language?

Yeah, it might be a secret language. I mean Zeus. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Feta. Feta. Feta. Yeah. They've given us so much. That's true. And they've asked for very little in return. I mean, in the EU, they've asked for a lot of return.

That's true. But, like, they're just calling it in. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like, they did their time. Yeah. You know?

Is something wrong with your microphone? Yeah, there's, like, when I get too close, a piece of hair touches me. Oh, okay. Yeah, sorry. We got these fuzzy mics. Yeah. We got these fuzzy mics. Yeah. We got these used in a hair salon. I got it.

We got it from a hair salon. Can I see it? It's not a pube. No, why would it be a pube? I'm just telling you it isn't before I put it in your hand. I didn't see it. Dave, you wouldn't like it if I put a pube in your hand, would you? So I had to tell you it wasn't that.

I like it if you put a pube in my hand. I'm expecting, well, it was off a microphone, so I'm expecting it might be a beard hair. Yeah. Wait, is it a beard hair? It was fine. A beard hair is a pubic hair. Technically, it's a pubic hair. Oh, yes.

Oh, my stomach rumbled. Was it loud enough? Are you hungry? Yeah. Talk about pubes. Are you hungry for puberty? No, for pubes. I think it grumbled loud enough to be picked up by the microphone.

No, no. We have a real noise gate on that guy. Oh, good. That's absolutely happened to me in auditions. I think it grumbled loud enough to be picked up by the microphone no no we have a real noise gate on that guy oh good that's absolutely happened to me in auditions they're like what's that sound

my loud loud tum tum they're like this is perfect this is a cup of noodles you're supposed to be hungry for noodles you got it oh this is perfect

this one's for some sort of diarrhea medication that's exactly what we want can you do that on the day probably fill me up with this medication let's see what happens Exactly what we want. Can you do that on the day? Probably. Fill me up with this medication. Let's see what happens. 364 days in a row I have.

It's so loud. Will you pay me danger pay to fill me up with laxatives and record my belly? I'll do it. I need to make rent. I'm a rat. I'm a rat. No, we have a Foley guy on set who's going to, you know, dip a towel

in chili and twist it out. Guys, can I just do another PSA that came to mind? Okay. And what was the first one you did? First one was about don't dry swallow a pill while driving. Oh, yes. Okay. This one is if you have to do a medical procedure, we have to take a

bunch of laxatives, don't book a show that night. And moreover, don't book two back-to-back and don't book two improv shows. So that's like four hours of performance because it's not just like you poo a bit. You get sick. Yeah.

Yeah. I didn't know that. This is a good PSA. I was told to do this, to drink this laxative. And they were like, do half at night and then do half at this time. And they didn't know that. This is a good PSA. I was told to do this, to drink this laxative. And they were like, do it half at night and then do half at this time. And they didn't say, don't leave the bathroom. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. You had a marathon that day. I had a friend's book launch. And I had to do improv at it. And I did a scene with someone I'd never met before. And afterwards, I am bragging now, but afterwards, people were like, wow, that was like the best improv scene ever. And I was like, I don't remember it.

Maybe. Oh, yeah, you had. Very scared I was going to shit my pants. Diarrhea-induced amnesia. But maybe you like, maybe that becomes a thing that you do as a tradition before every show. Have a laxative. I'm so. They've got to make this show count.

Yeah, like those weird, all the weird rituals or people who, people who can't perform if they haven't Have a laxative. I'm so... They gotta make this show count. Yeah, like those weird, all the weird rituals are people who, people who can't perform if they haven't had a drink. Yeah. I need to have like a gallon of laxative

to be funny. What are the, the, you've done theater for decades and decades. Yeah. What are the... 50 years, 60 years.

What are the pre-show rituals that you've witnessed and do you have any I don't I don't have any because I feel

like the only one I remember is you're not it's bad luck to tell someone good luck right you say break a leg

yeah I don't care about that or mared if you're a ballerina you just say shit they're all in laxatives they know yeah

and look how high they can jump. By the way, my niece, okay, I'm digressing here, but we were trying to help toilet tray my nephew, who's three, my niece who's five, got to the point where she could like play act. And I was like, oh, tell him, isn't it nice to take a poo? And she went and she got the game. She was like, yeah, it is.

I love taking a poo. Afterwards, I can go faster. That's true. That is true. You do feel lighter. I know. It was a very good line. I forgot what we were talking about.

Pre-show rituals, but whatever. I don't have any. I believe that you can feel any way before a show and do any kind of show after. And there is no correlation. And releasing the idea that there is, is very helpful. That's very. You can feel terrible. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

You can do a great show. You can feel terrible and do a terrible show. You can feel. I feel it always seems superstitious to me. Yeah. So like after I've been at this for more than 25 years, everyone just relax. You're not going to know. That's true. Yeah, you can't control it. The only thing you can control is your own bowels via... No, you can't. That's very out of control.

Other people's rituals? I don't know. Sometimes Kayla and I would do like a power pose or something. Yeah. That's nice. Just something to get a little hyped up. Get the blood flowing. Yeah. When I did improv, we would all spit in each other's mouths. Oh, yeah, yeah. Is that real?

No. I'd see impossible with that high school crew. We used to pee in bottles and hide it. That is real. That's real. So you were like,

how dare you, Becky, think we were spitting in each other's mouths. I bet, you know who I bet does that before a show Slipknot yeah they all spit in

each other's mouths well no I heard that the guy used to he had a dead pigeon in a jar he would open it up take a big whiff

barf while wearing the mask yeah the drummer that's a nice servant legend you know who I think no he would do it

he would do it on stage he would to make himself puke it's a nice sermon. No, he would do it on stage. He would make himself puke. It's a big part of their show. What do you do to make yourself puke before a show? Laxatives. Yeah, I just drink Epsom salts like everyone else. You don't need a dead pigeon, you weirdos.

I don't want to tour the dead pigeon. Yeah. Hard to get it through customs. Exactly, yeah. What do the vegan Slipknot It's so hard to get it through customs. Exactly. What did the vegan Slipknot fans think? It's a very good question. Isn't it? Yeah.

Apparently, somebody on Twitter posted a thing with one of the Democratic frontrunners doing a speech somewhere. And Slipknot is like a block away warming up you can you can hear slipknot's music over this democratic candidate saying like we need to be fiscally responsible and we we gotta look for medicaid you can hear slipknot in the background how how old are slipknot now 50 something they're older than us yeah yeah yeah i don't know yeah slipknot's been around or Or were they just hardcore teens? Yeah, maybe they were wearing those masks. Yeah, that's true.

They could be child actors. Oh, that would be amazing if the reveal was they were all... Frankie Muniz. Zachary Ty Bryant. Macaulay Culkin. I believe that he could be in Slipknot. He's into that kind of trick. Yeah, and he's got that kind of look like a guy who...

He's got kind of a crap rat kind of look. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, there's a long-running joke on this show that I can't read. Can't read, won't read. Won't read. Yeah.

But you guys, for the first time in a long time, I read a book. Ooh. What kind of book? A Kindle book. A cookbook. But, cover to cover. Well, I mean, to be fair, I read three or four children's books a day. That counts.

It counts towards your overall literacy. Yeah, so I'm going to get a free pizza from Pizza Hut at the end of the year. You read the same magic school bus over and over, I'm sure. Wasn't that a thing kids had to do? I just like the idea that Pizza Hut had any stake in people's literacy. It's true. I think you would get a personal fan pizza if you met your reading goal. How do you prove it?

I don't know. You have your teacher sign it? I want to game the system and get a pizza. Yeah, you just all you have to do is get one of these kids from the audition and be like, I need to borrow you for 20 minutes. We go to the pizza hut together. This is my daughter.

She read a bunch of books. I've read a bunch of books, so I can tell I can write you a little script if you have to say what each book is about. This one is about a red badge of courage. This one's a, you think it's about a pair of pants called corduroy, but it's about a little bear.

Yeah. This one is, you think it would be about this old guy who yells, but it's a dog named old. What book did you read? I read, uh, I'll be gone in the dark.

The, uh, movie or the book about the Golden State Killer. I called it a movie. It's a movie that you enjoy really slowly. A movie. It's more of a transcript of a podcast, isn't it? Yeah, exactly.

Anything about a serial killer? Yeah. Yeah. I heard it was quite good. Yeah. I heard it was quite good. Yeah, it's, and especially knowing now, because it's about a, this serial murderer and rapist from the 70s and 80s who was never caught at the time the book was read. Well, I'm a woman in my 40s.

I know about every serial killer. Don't you worry. But who has, the suspect has since been caught. And after the author of the book died. Yes. Yeah. And so, but this was, I, because like, I just, I read very slowly, just the same way I swim. I heard you swim in a panic. I heard you swim not at all or super fast.

So I picture you just staring at a book or just speed reading. I flail. I'm flailing as i'm swimming i am also a slow reader and we both look like we'd be fast readers oh yeah if i was casting fast readers yeah but i am also a slow reader and but for me what that means is like if i have 20 minutes before i'm gonna go to bed i'm like i'm not even bother reading a little bit of book right because i'm not gonna get far enough oh so that sounds like a scary before bed book well that one would be yeah yeah um uh so i yeah but i had like a bunch of flights that i went on so i read it uh and i was relieved that i had brought a book because i was flown on planes that didn't have little screens oh boy that's the nightmare

scenario where you walk on and you're like it didn't bring anything to read and there's no screen on my flight here i really i i missed that like everyone watching the same movie thing i mean i guess we're in a real nostalgic zone because looking forward in time is terrifying yeah yeah but i was like the world's ending but you know what i wish we all watched the same movie yeah and it was sometimes weird if you were on a flight that was long enough they would show a movie and then they would show a random episode of some tv show yeah and it would just be like i guess we're watching becker yeah well would they show becker no that's too late i guess so yeah yeah, it would have to be like,

what would be a real, well, the last time I've seen them do it with like, where they would just run it on the screens that, even though that, that there was no main screen, everyone, every screen was running Just for Laughs gags.

Oh yeah. Yeah, but everyone likes that. Yeah. I saw Just for Laughs gags on the plane ride here, and this woman was in a shopping mall, and she was like, were you, like I chose to. Okay. Yeah. I saw Just for Laughs gags on the plane ride here, and this woman was in a shopping mall. Were you? Like I chose to.

Okay. I wasn't forced, no. I chose to. It was like at the end of the flight, and I was like, I'll try a few of these. I should know. Yeah. I liked parts of it a lot. But this woman was in a shopping mall.

She had a bandage all around her leg, and she had people come over to like, be like, help me. Smell my bandage. It gets worse. Dress my wounds. It was like, help me itch this i'm having trouble and then she would take off the bandage and there were actual maggots on her leg cool for real this sounds like uh not slip knots gags yeah i couldn't believe it just for barf gags just for gags like and then

they just freeze frame on the person reacting and gagging do like a super cut of those at the

end I really like this idea oh man we have connections we can make this happen

sure and you do it without any language you sell it in any country on earth well yeah

that's the whole point yeah I hope that's a double entendre. Every culture has gags. Yeah. Yeah. They gag in different ways, but that's one of the unifiers.

That's what makes us people. Yeah. I hope it means joke in every language. To retch. Yeah. There's like a, that's the one thing that unites us. In every language, the word for like dry heaving is the same as like. Being funny. Yeah. Oh, this hits to my core in my

life choices uh well congratulations on uh finishing a book yeah i yeah i start a lot of books to be fair yeah um and i actually have like boy i've got like a dozen downloaded that i'm i could start next the choice is too overwhelming, though. Yeah, that's the problem. I just keep scrolling through my Kindle like it's Netflix. Yeah. Do I want to read this book about Bjorn Borg, or do I want to read about Paul McCartney in the 70s? I mean, they're both compelling.

And both similar choices? Yeah, maybe. Maybe you need to download more kids' books on your Kindle. Does that exist? Kids' books on a Kindle? Yeah. Probably. Yeah, maybe. Maybe you need to download more kids books on your Kindle. Does that exist? Kids books on a Kindle? Yeah. Probably. Yeah. Weird. I know. You know. Why not? Like if you're just reading them to the kids.

Kids bite their books and also like isn't the sort of physical act... You're talking about like baby books. I guess that's what I meant. To say like on the Kindle it just just says, like, bug. Tree. But, you know, kids' books are expensive, right?

Oh, they're everywhere, though. Yeah, that's true. You can just pick them out of the garbage. Get them with your Christmas tree. All of these families throw out their pre-Christmas presents. Yeah, the kids are getting, like, Nintendos. I don't know what kids get anymore. They get Nintendo. Oh good, they're still around. Good for Nintendo.

Like newer Nintendo. Yeah, yeah. They're like, the kids are getting a Nintendo. Let's throw out all their books to make room. I, uh, like last night, somebody that I follow on Twitter was like, I'm on Twitch right now. And there was a link, so I pressed on it. It was just the person playing video games, but I was like, I'm on Twitch right now. And there was a link.

So I pressed on it. It was just the person playing video games. But I was like, I can see why people do this. I can see why somebody would sit there. It is the most brainless activity in the world. Watching somebody else play a video game. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You can 100% just turn your brain off.

There's nothing for you to do. That is something that defined many girlfriends of my generation. Is they just had to go over to their boyfriend's house and watch him play video games with his roommate. I had to watch a lot of boys skateboard. Oh, okay. Well, at least you're outside. Yeah. I do prefer that to watching someone play video games because I wasn't into that.

But like, yeah, it was a lot of like, the boys will go here and jump around and put cans on the ground jump over the cans the girls will sit over there smoke did you want to jump over the cans yeah did you want to smoke yeah i don't know i might have just been bored yeah yeah yeah i mean a lot of bad habits yeah yeah um so yeah finish that. Might start a new book. You know what? I might. Do the Bible. The Bible.

Yeah, do the Bible. People talk about it. I've heard good things. Have you? You've not read it? It's a good. I've heard it's very well written. It's a good book. Yeah, it's a good book.

I knew where you were going. I was on the ferry last week, and I saw people reading the Bible. Yeah. It's tough It's a The print's really small Yeah And the pages The pages are so thin

The pages are so thin People were so into it Like I've People have just come to my house To tell me they liked it Yeah Just knocked on my door Just tell me

And that's That's gotta be There's no other book I can't think of another book That people have done that for The Book of Mormon No one's coming knocking at your door and being like, have you read The Pelican Brief?

That would be amazing. No, I haven't. Have you heard the good word about John Grisham? That would be a really fun performance piece. Yeah, everyone take their favorite book. Have you read this Flannery O'Connor book? You've read Wise Blood? It was really

important to me. It changed my life. Would you like a copy? I printed some for you. I printed some. I went to a Kinko's, I printed this out.

No one's going with Bibles that they printed. I would appreciate it if they did. they just do it high level. They print them. Oh yeah,

the Gideons, they print their own Bibles. Or what about, they're not Kinko's-ing it, they put more money in, but they just do it high level they print them oh yeah the Gideons they print their own or what about they're not kinkozing it they put more money in but they're printing it what about like

what's the one the Jehovah's Witnesses they don't give you a book they give you a magazine about the religion yeah isn't it Watchtower and who gives you

those fun little pamphlets the Falun Dafa what anyway but I think it would be good to like just like go oh i i have this magazine about the pelican brief yeah yeah there's pictures of denzel washington and julia roberts in it there's interviews with people like how it's affected them yeah there's interpretation thought yeah there's different versions. I remember when I was a kid and the Jehovah's knocked on the door and gave me a magazine. Alive?

And they gave it to me and I was like, okay, cool, thanks. And my parents were like, you did what? They're going to come back. Didn't they do the thing? They don't have to come back. They give you the magazine. They're going to come back. Didn't they do the thing? They don't have to come back. They give you the magazine. They come back to ask you about it. Did you read it?

You want a subscription? And I was like, no, I recycled it. I'm a slow reader. No, I thought it was recycling and I was just helping you out. You were just walking around with a magazine you didn't want. And I recycled it. Anyway, what's going on with you? This past week, there's this event that I don't know the particulars of,

but I know that it's a lot of white people who dress up in all white. Oh, le dîner en blanche. Yes. Yeah. And they have, like, a picnic? Yeah. Yeah, and they have like a picnic? Yeah, so my understanding of this is it's a super exclusive party that you have to pay money to.

Yeah. And you have to wear white, but you bring your own everything. Yeah, you have to bring your own thing to sit on. This is a clan meeting. This is like a clan meeting, not imagine the clan but not as self aware yeah and not as organized like just kind of and that this happens in cities across the country this is not just uh oh is it all over the world i thought it was just a i thought it was a canadian spiritual no no no it is classist yeah it is yeah it is uh rich people and uh i happen to be uh in a tim hortons that i guess this is where like a pickup place was like where they were picked up

and taken to a remote yeah like because there was there was easily like 150 uh people all standing out in front of this tim hortons and i was like i think i vaguely know what is going on here like i know that this is this event and you're like oh i hope i don't spill my chili in a bread bowl all over them i hope that i did i was you know that's it's irresistible when everybody's in their pristine uber white clothes but uh i went in tim hortons and the people were just they were the worst they were like if you had thought uh ahead like oh i bet you those people are the worst they really went out of their way to prove there was a woman's like yelling at the the girl who was working at the counter because somebody was taking too long in the bathroom but she hadn't

bought anything she wasn't bought anything. She wasn't a customer. Yeah. I think it's a Klan meeting. It was like a Klan meeting. But they're not hiding their faces. These are people who are proud of their affiliation with this event. Right.

I just like the listeners at home to know that these boys are being treated To my million dollar scowl Right now Yeah yeah I wish you were with me At the time You could have You could have scowled Some of these people

Into you know Into behaving properly Into not noticing me No no Because they are Self-centered and I gave her a scowl She called me an asshole

So Whoa Just for a scowl Yeah What'd she say What are you looking at Asshole No she said asshole Like that Maybe she was having A problem with hers She called me an asshole. So. Whoa. Just for a scowl? Yeah. What'd she say? What are you looking at, asshole? No, she said asshole like that.

Maybe she was having a problem with hers. Yeah. Well, yeah. Asshole. Oh, no. Because she yelled at the woman behind the counter and I gave her a look like you're not even a customer. Yeah. And.

My doctor made me have all these laxatives the day before. Diner en blanche. Diner? Like eating? Yeah. So you wear white clothes and just eat? Yeah. It's a picnic.

It's a picnic. In like a park, but you have to bring, but it's like burning then. You have to bring all the things. And it's kind of, I believe it's like a 90s rave where you would just like get the info of where you go the day of.

So it's exclusive in what way? Does it cost money? It costs money. Does it cost money to sit in a park and do everything else yourself? This is it. Yeah, I have a hard time understanding this. Is this what Vancouver's up to? No, but this isn't a Vancouver thing.

This is all over the world. It's a pretty Vancouver thing. But it happens in Torontoonto it happens in montreal yeah this is like i've seen nighttime parties like in bars where everyone's dressed in white but it was not an all-white crowd no i don't know why you do that though i mean this this group i'm not saying that it's all white people that do it because this group of people out front of the tim hortons we're all white right but uh i don't know and you've always said a white is right um i mean uh i say it about toothpaste uh i don't like a green don't put a stripe in there yeah yeah yeah no when it comes to toothpaste oh boy i'm a purist you'd say that white is supreme yeah yeah yeah but only about toothpaste okay um the anyway so just the worst just the worst group of people and then just immediately confirming that yes indeed

they were the worst like you know that was my snap judgment i was like boy these people seem like the worst and then this uh this woman being the worst and also nobody in her like nobody else in line being like hey cool it i'm still trying to figure out what and they weren't even drunk yet be at this thing no they weren't drunk no no do they get do they get drunk they must i think or do they have sex yeah they must have sex like what yeah are there like I think they drink wine in a park. And then if one thing leads to another. Yeah, exactly. The mood is right. I would never want to coordinate with a sea of strangers to have a picnic.

No. Do you talk to strangers? I don't ever want to go on a picnic. I don't talk to strangers. In that environment, do you mingle? Do you meet other people or just hang out with your friends and you've paid to do that? Yeah, I don't know. We should go.

Yeah, we should go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it's a lot of people who are like, how does this work? And they just end up there. It's like a pyramid scheme. Yeah, yeah.

But first I'd like to be mean to someone in the service industry. Well, you know what? You don't have to wait till this event. That's a year-round mission. I don't want to wait for the white-only dinner. Wait, I phrased that wrong. for the white only dinner.

Wait, I phrased that wrong. It's just the clothes. Or is it? So there's that. And then I discovered a British reality show on Netflix that I'm awfully fond of. It's called The Hotter Half. Oh, yeah. Have you heard of it? No, but maybe I have. I of. Okay. It's called The Hotter Half. Oh. Yeah. Have you heard of it?

No, but maybe I have. I love the name. It's a. Wait, can we guess what it's about? Yeah, absolutely. The Hotter Half. So it's. Which half of your body is the hottest?

Top, bottom, left or right? It's about couples. Yeah. I'm assuming. Yeah. That's more normal. And one of them is the hot one. Basically. So it's. Oh, Dave And one of them is the hot one. Basically.

Oh, Dave was closer? No, you were right. It was just couples, and then they look at the different quadrants of their body. It's a couple. They come on the show. They come on the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you think I like it so much?

Wowee. Sorry. They come on the show? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why do you think I like it so much? Wowee. Sorry. And they talk with the host, and they both kind of make their case for why they're the hotter half of the couple. Is this just to make people break up? No, they seem to be, everybody's having a wild amount of fun. Do they win a turkey? Like, what? Well, I'll explain it.

So it's a couple and they both kind of make their case of like, I think I'm the hotter hat. Or in some cases they'd be like, definitely it's my partner. It's the hotter hat. I hope he never leaves me. And then they take an iPad out on the street and they just ask random strangers. Who's hotter? You know, do you think this person's hot? British shows love to take an iPad out on the street and they just ask random strangers. With horror. You know, do you think this person's hot?

British shows love to take an iPad out on the street. Oh, boy. And love to put someone in a plexiglass cube. Yeah. And they show their butthole to everyone or whatever. The disgusting bodies. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What about this skin tag on her nipple?

Is it gross or hot? And then they're like, oh, no, it's just her nipple. We're bad doctors. It's not a skin tag at all. We're bad doctors. We just can't even identify these body parts. Yeah, embarrassing bodies. This follow-up was just bad doctors.

Yeah, bad doctors. You know, I can burn that off for you. It's my nipple. I can still do it. What's this thing? For the right price. What's this thing over here? It's full of holes.

That's my nose. Don't touch that don't mess with that so then they they do this this very informal survey and then it comes back

who's who's the hotter half the person who's the less hot of the of the couple then undergoes a makeover

okay good yeah we were both braced for surgery yeah no no they undergo a makeover. Okay, good. We were both raised for surgery. Yeah. No, no. They undergo a makeover. The makeovers are across the board hilarious. Like the results always funny.

Okay. And then they go back out with the iPad again and see if the person has. Improved. Yeah. If they've improved their score. And do they usually improve their score? Oh, I think I know who the hosts are of this. Not know them, but there was another one where it was like,

you're too weird, get normal. But they did the same iPad thing. Oh, okay. But that one was awful because it was like taking people who were unique and trying to make them basic. No, this was very... But I think it's the same hosts who are like, we still want the iPad.

Is this the one where they're all out in a big tent in a field and they're baking things for an old lady? Yes's the one no but i think they wanted to like redo it sounds like they want to redo something that was less awful this one this doesn't have any there's no like there's no awfulness there's no shaming yeah it's just like two it's two people who are like we want to be on the show for some reason that's not like a fun couple's activity if you're the right couple yeah yeah and then but the it really is when it comes time to the reveal of the makeover it's always just like did you think that everybody wanted to look like they were going to a rave like why they make them like gothed out no they'll be very bright and like very crazy like the the makeovers are all very crazy do they

um yeah what like i mean with the women it's like on the the any show where they give men and women makeovers sorry for being so binary uh it's just the way tv has always been uh but women get like so much makeup and whenever the man has to do it and they go to the makeup consultant, it's always like, yeah, just moisturize, I guess. You can use this sort of thing for your rosacea. That's the thing. Yeah. Just be you. Yeah.

Yeah. Like they'll, I don't know. It's great. It's great. It's like the un, it's not the kindest realityest reality show but it's not there's no malice in it they're not they're not trying to trick anybody into something or shame anybody it's just like a couple who's like which one of us is hotter i have a question yeah we're all in relationships so question for whoa whoa are we uh are we yeah. In your relationship, who's the hot one?

I'll tell you it's not me, so by default. Yeah, it's, boy, that pendulum swings. Some days I see myself and I'm like, Papa? Papa. Yeah, look at that piece of ass. How about you? It's me, I guess. My husband's very attractive. Is my husband's very attractive is it 51 49 or is it i think just if it's a heterosexual relationship the woman wins always just by default

not on this show not on this program because uh sometimes it's the fella, sometimes it's the gal, sometimes it's two fellas, sometimes it's two gals. So if it's two fellas or two gals, they both get chosen for makeovers? The show didn't quite work out at a deal like that? I guess both of you guys are getting makeovers. I can't tell you two apart. You guys all look the same to me. Men. I feel like I, just to point something out,

I was really backpedally about the binary thing, but I was totally fine making fun of Greeks. Yeah. Yeah, but we grew up in a high school where these Greek guys would, in grade 12, would like trip grade 8s and punch us and slap us in the neck. It's traumatizing.

When you fell, would they say Opa? Does Opa mean up? I don't know. It's just the thing that you yell after smashing dishes. Oopsie?

Why did I go back to this? I don't know. I was digging this hole. Do you want to do a little bit of business? Oh, sure. Yeah. Did I cut you off?

Nope. Okay. Did I? Nope. Stop podcasting yourself is brought to you in part by Zip Recruiter. I forget if I'm alive or I'm dead. You were dead last time we checked in. Where am I contacting you from?

Purgatory? Yeah. We wait to find out your fate. Get out of my house. Is that you trying to scare me? Yeah. Do you remember that movie? I think it was called Frequency.

Yep. Sure. That's me, baby. Oh, nice. Well, here's the thing. Maybe I want to hire a Ghostbuster because you're haunting my house. You better not. And it's hard to find a good candidate.

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I interrupted you. I'm sorry. No, bro. ZipRecruiter. The smartest way to hire. Bye. Listen, I'm a hotshot Hollywood movie producer. You have until I finish my glass of kombucha to pitch me your idea.

Go. All right. It's called Who Shot Ya?, a movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. I'm Ify Whiteyway, the new host of the show and a certified BBN. BBN? Buff Black Nerd. I'm Alonzo Doraldi, an elderly gay and legit film critic who wrote a book on Christmas movies. I'm Drea Clark,

a loud white lady from Minnesota. Each week, we talk about a new movie in theaters and all the important issues going on in the film industry. It's like Guess Who's Coming to Dinner meets Cruising. And if it helps seal the deal, I can flex my muscles while we record each episode. I'm sorry, this is a podcast?

I'm a movie producer. How did you get in here? Iffy, quick, start flexing. Bicep, lats, chest. Who shot you? Dropping every Friday on MaximumFun.org or wherever you listen to podcasts. Hi, I'm Dave Hill from show business. And while I'm not from Canada, my grandfather, Clarence Vincent Blake Sr. was, and he wouldn't shut up about it. My grandfather moved on to that great penalty box in the sky way back in the 80s. Still, all these years later, I can't help but wonder, what do we really know about Canada and its people? Which is why my friend Chris Gersbeck and I decided to make So You're Canadian.

Brand new podcast from the Maximum Fun Network, on which I attempt to get to know our neighbors to the north, one Canadian at a time. Coming to Maximum Fun, August 27th. And I'm not sorry. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. The segment in which we, boy, when you hear those little gems out there, you don't keep them to yourself.

You put them in a high school ring, show them off to everybody. Were we talking about that today? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was earlier. We always like to start with the guest, Becky. Yes. You said you write these down as a matter of habit Yeah, well, I mean, ever since I was on the podcast 10 years ago

I've been keeping track So I have like about 8 hours worth of content here Yeah So you narrow it down to one or maybe two Yeah, I'm actually looking for Sorry, you asked if I was ready and I wasn't I'm looking for the one that I wrote down a while ago. But I will tell you this.

Two people on the ferry. So I was on, maybe this will be the one. It wasn't the one I was planning. But there were two people, I've been on the BC ferries a lot lately. And these two people were like sitting behind me. There's an area that I figured out is the gaming zone. Like where everyone's playing dice and magic. Oh boy's like on the cool yeah i found this out just because i don't know we want to sit with a table by a window and it's like these sort of circular

things in a little cafe area anyway everyone was playing games there's two guys behind me playing magic the gathering i don't know how it works but like one of them kept saying things like to the other one that was like uh you can't play a whatever card on a this and like kind of and then um you know the kids like oh i didn't know that the other person's like oh yeah obviously we're not understanding each other here it seems pretty clear. Anyway, then I turned around to get up, and the guy who was doing all this, like, excuse me, but it was like his dad, the kid's dad. Good reveal. Yeah, or uncle, certainly an adult, but it sounded like two kids. But just like a guy who's like No adults will play with me

So I'm gonna have to I mean maybe a weird uncle Yeah yeah Cool uncle Yeah you misspoke You meant cool uncle And then the other one I don't think I can find It was these two people in a bathroom

You know what Well we're gonna go around And if it comes up Yeah I'll find it I should have made a folder. Yeah, well, you just got a smartphone. I don't expect you to know how to do that.

Dave, you have an over? Also, I don't know how to make a folder. No, no, no. I just learned that you could by, I typed something by accident and I was in the folder section. I was like, ooh. In your notes?

Yeah. Oh, nice. Lots of PPSAs. But unfortunately, all my notes are general. Yeah notes are general yeah they were all overheard that's the only kind of note i make is general purpose uh yesterday i went to a food truck oh in portland portland in 2011 um uh, a Vancouver food truck. They make a nice little... Is this hard to describe?

Are you getting emotional? I don't know if it's an ethnic food. Okay. All right. But it's a non-Mexican burrito. Okay. Non-Mexican burrito. What? Yeah, it's like... What are you avoiding saying? I guess it's a non-Mexican burrito. Okay. Non-Mexican burrito. What?

Yeah. What are you avoiding saying? I guess it's Korean. But I'm not sure it's all Korean. A Korean burrito. And the people who work there are South Asian. You know what? It's a global ecosystem.

Yeah, absolutely. So I was thinking locally, but acting globally. Okay. Eating globally. Eating the world. That's what Jimmy did. And can that be my own word? Yeah.

I was, there was two, I guess, coworkers waiting for their food after I had ordered mine. And the guy of the two said, well what if this their conversation had gotten pretty deep by this point he said what if our concept of god is just actually a guy on a computer simulating all this and the the woman was like yeah it is that's what i've been trying to tell you read the pelican brief it's all in there yeah um yeah that's too heavy for pre-launch a post-lunch convo is our world a simulation yeah yeah not while i'm hungry are we in the bad one or is it a first date that's a good thing to get out of the way just like that would be on my series of questions. Let's see how he reacts to this. If I believe it and he's not on board, too late in my life to convince somebody.

Let's see how he reacts to this curveball. So our first date, tell me about your first date. Well, I wore my lanyard from work, as did he. We ate the heaviest food available. We ate Korean burritos and we talked about God. Yeah.

I wonder where they work. I can in my neighborhood they 100% work for a either animation studio or like effects.

Yeah. Effects. Around here? Yeah. Kind of. Oh. studio or like um effects yeah yeah effects around here uh yeah kind of oh the neighborhood's changed oh yeah it's not this is not your grandpa's neighborhood if your grandpa still lives here it is good for him yeah the neighborhood just changed yeah yeah he still lives there um what's up with you overheard wise my overheard is uh some it was it was people two people that were very uh uh they were intergenerational and one was saying well you could probably just get that part on amazon and the guy of the two of them said no i'll just go to radio Shack. I was like, oh, man. I wanted to turn around and be like, listen to the one talking about Amazon.

I'm in the Radio Shack camp here. Does it exist? No. And I'm wrong. Yeah. Amazon's so bad. It is. No, I agree.

Yeah. But Radio Shack, you can't have it. But I will say Amazon is good for carbon footprint but finding like a tiny part of something that you

well that's this person was 100% in the right yeah if you needed a little fuse or something yeah

Amazon's got it Radio Shack used to have it there are people who like travel all around the continent now finding things that are hard to find

and then reselling them on Amazon. Oh really? Yeah, it's like a nomadic lifestyle being kind of dictated by this and shipping them

back and forth across the continent millions of times so like, it's bad. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Driving to get them, shipping them to El Paso, then it goes to Winnipeg to a processing center and then, oh, now we're going to Bucharest

done boy did that screw travel what's the last like weird thing that you like

had to buy online because you didn't know where to find it like I'll start I have mine immediately

because it was my question and I reverse engineered it. And it didn't really formulate it very well, but maybe if I explain mine, it'll give you an idea. So, Ikea used to sell picture frames that had these little clamp hooks that you would string the picture wire through. But more recently, they don't have them anymore. And so I was trying to find the little hook clamp things. And I went to like framing stores and craft stores.

Okay, so you did your due diligence. I'm not mad at you now. And then I went, I even checked Amazon because I was like, I mean, if Amazon.ca has it, they'll ship it to me for free. What did you type in ikea hooky thingy it was hard and then eventually i found after enough searching i found like the model number well uh and i searched and there was a place in america that had them but they like normally anything you order in america they'll

just charge you 20 to ship it here or be like no i don't know what's outside of this country and i won't send this yeah yeah but i found a uh place that sent it just like in an envelope with a stamp on it oh nice um i had and i got a hundred of them did you yeah because that's what they came in. The last thing I got, craft rat, is the little metal things that hold wicks up in the bottom of a tea light. Holy moly. And this was an Amazon purchase. And what did you look up for that? Well, you start with candle wicks and candle wicks stands and hold it. Then you end up watching John Wick.

That's pretty good. I'll watch the second one. I don't know. I watched it. Then you end up watching John Wick. I'm like, that was pretty good. I'll watch the second one. I don't know. I watched it. I didn't understand what was happening. It's really scary and confusing. It's a revenge. Yeah.

No, I got that. He's having a revenge. It's a puppy party. The theme is revenge. Yeah. But I got that, and it was, this was actually a purchase that I was like, I have to, I can't do Amazon anymore. I actually got

rid of my amazon prime subscription sorry to my friends who are on prime television shows i'm not watching them anymore oh fair enough um but it came from china it was a bag of like a hundred of these and it cost including shipping a dollar 98 wow and I don't understand how that can be okay. It can't. Yeah. Yeah. Your instinct is right. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, on one level, it also seems like no one can be making any money off that. Well, that dollar ninety-eight is going to trickle down to the factory workers. Yeah. I don't even know what the shipping is from China. Like, does everything cost a penny? And then they could, anyway. Yeah.

They probably just stowed it away with a bigger shipment. Yeah. They got a rat to swim it over. Cool. From one rat to another. Did you have a second over her? Yeah, but what's your weird thing? I don't have.

I don't have a story that fits into this category. I never have. You haven't had to buy that fits into this category. I never have. You haven't had to buy an aglet to reattach to your shoelace? No. Or one of the zipper clangers? A zipper clanger? No. Yeah, not like the little bell for your butler bell, the little part fall out.

You got to get that. Who do you think I do that? I get my butler to do that. How do you get him to come to you to do it? Huh? He shows up once a day to make sure I'm still alive. Graham, how do you call your butler? I say, hey, butler girl.

And if she doesn't answer? And if she still doesn't answer? I say, butler. That song rules. My sweet butler that song rules my sweet butler I read fix this bell I oh boy

pretty good I read guitar magazines all throughout the 90s and none of them told me how to get my guitar to sound like that

it's the best sound in the world what sound? it's just the way the guitar sounds it sounds all in which part when the guitars play throughout yeah it is a pretty it's pretty rich like there were so many articles on like grungy noises you could make yeah we didn't uh we didn't grow up in a clean time no grungy time um did you ever find that other one yeah okay here we go so this is sort of a double overheard

in a way because i overheard this in the bathroom at wayne gretzky's restaurant in toronto now if you have been to this bathroom you will know that the audio in the bathroom is like the it's like wayne gretzky's biography in audiobook is what you listen to while you really leave yourself by rick riley who that's who wrote it yeah you knew this yeah i read it it's a big reader i'm not okay it's that but it's like wayne gretzky and his dad talking about wayne gretzky's successes which i'm sure is a very different experience as a man than as a woman to sit there and just listen to men brag about what they've done while you're taking a pee. Oh, no.

If you go in the men's bathroom, it's Elizabeth Manley and her father talking about her figure skating championship. Did she ever become a nice capade? Yeah. Anyway, so there's that layer. There's these men being like, and I didn't think he could do it, but always scored the goal and we everyone loved him anyway so that's one layer and then under that these two women in the stalls on either side of me were drunkenly having this conversation megan yeah are you mad about my attitude no i'm used to it remember when we went to that party with vicky vicky what's her name oh yeah i remember that party you chest popped me and i wanted to fight me and i was like whatever that's just what she's

like was it worth it for me to have to scroll i wrote this down immediately afterwards because i love these women yeah and then where's the audiobook about their success and they both came out of the stall and then I did and they were like oh they didn't realize they thought they were next to each other

their sense of space had messed up another woman and they're very thick unrevealing stalls which is nice but they didn't know another woman was between

this really sweet we wanted to fight each other at a party but I love you anyway I love your bad attitude isn't Wayne Gretzky's, it's shutting down.

Uh, I heard that it's been, they've got like a year or so in this same building. The second city is in. Yeah. Um, moving, moving on for condos.

Not that it was a historic building. No, that's where open mic with Mike Bullard started in the Wayne Gretzky, uh, restaurant. I worked in that building for a year and a half and I can attest to the fact that I am allergic to it. Something's happening in those vans. I hope they get a nice new theater.

Yeah. And I hope that Mike Bullard gets back on television. I hope Wayne Gretzky gets a new restaurant. I hope as part of the condo development deal that Mike Bullard ends up with a show that he gets to host in the lobby. That would be the best. Hot Lobby. Hot Lobby with Mike Bullard and orin isaacs

forgot about orin isaacs never forget about the music director yeah i'm gonna watch some full ups on youtube if i can find them all right there are some clips but they're like they're all uh trans you know moggers pardon me oh okay through uh somebody's old VHS collection. So there's a lot of parts that just go... Oh, sorry. We left these tapes out in the sun too long. Well, where did the Bullard Archives end up? Where's the Bullard Archives Society?

The Smithsonian. In the United States. Yep. They're in the Wayne Gretzky's. Oh, the Gretzkonian? Just this pile of stuff at Wayne Gretzky's Oh the Gretzkonian? Uh huh Just this pile of stuff At Wayne Gretzky's

Family's place I've noticed that Wayne Gretzky is now A spokesperson for Untuckit The t-shirt The shirts that are Short enough that

You don't tuck them in But they're not So they're not so long They don't look like An untucked Really long shirt That feels like A real dig on

Tan France The front tucker. The French tucker. Yeah, France. French. Wow. I didn't know maybe he's an investor in the tuck. Maybe he... But Wayne Gretzky as a hockey player famously would

tuck his jersey. Now he's over it. Even I like to wear this sort of short shirt that would show my belly button if I lifted my arms up. Everybody would be so lucky to see Wayne Gretzky's championship belly button. And his many championship belly button rings. Shove full of rings, I was going to say. He's got piercings and he shoves the navel full of jewels and rings.

Like a little gnome. Just the most bejeweled belly button. Full of jewels and rings. Uh-huh. Like a little gnome. Yeah. Just the most bejeweled belly button. Oh, Graham, I'd love to see you with your belly button full of stones. One of these days. One of these days. Like a promo shot. Those treasure trolls.

Yeah. An emerald in there. Well, you guys, Christmas is coming up, so, you know. A treasure troll's treasure trail. Please put an emerald in there. A treasure troll's treasure trail. Please put an emerald in there. Now, we also have overheard sent in from listeners all over the world. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.

And this first one from right here in Vancouver. This is Christine. I was about to settle in at Kitts Beach over the August long weekend and passed by a group of 20-somethings. No context to the convo. This is what I heard a girl say. It's like Shazam material? No, not Shazam. ShamWow.

Yeah, yeah. Oh, Shammy. It's spelled ShamWow. Yeah. Is where ShamWow came from? Yeah. That is a hard, you know, that's fair. Yeah. It's a tough-wah Yeah Is where Sham-wow came from? That's right Yeah That is a hard You know that's fair Yeah

It's a tough word And you know what If there was something called Shazam material I'm interested I thought Shazam material Was like Yeah

That song You Bro Was like one I wouldn't know But would want to Yeah This is Yes

That's Shazam material Have either of you ever seen the television show beat with jamie foxx and his daughter the dj yeah be shazam beat shazam it's like name that tune yeah it's like you try to name it before shazam good shazam's not a character in this show well i mean i thought there was a human that you were supposed to hit or be better than. But it's. Is it good? It's not good.

Oh, OK. But it also feels like whenever I see Jamie Foxx on it, I'm like, you're too talented. You're too talented to be a good show. You're too Oscar winning. You're too Oscar winning. And he like did an impression of Jay-Zz during the last uh episode and i was like you can do impressions too like this guy this guy's way too talented to just be hosting the game show he should be i don't know he should be on in living color thank you maybe it's nicer to just take an easy job and like maybe he has hobbies yeah maybe he quilts i'm sure they

shoot a whole season in a day and they pay him $6 million. Yeah. And he gets to give his daughter a job. I'm a DJ. How old's his daughter? She's four. That would be the best. Four-year-old DJ?

It's so good. Oh, man. Have you ever seen that? There's like a video clip of this kid who's like a five-year-old DJ, but all he does is like press three buttons because he's so small you don't care. That's what all DJs do. They're all small. They're all small. They all just press three buttons. Not Calvin Harris. He presses four buttons. Thank you. Not

Shalax. Skrillex? Okay. Disapproving grandma. Spizbacks. This next one comes from Andrea L. from Saugatuck, Michigan. While on vacation, we decided to have lunch on the patio of a local brewery. Why not?

You're on vacation. Sounds fun. What season? Doesn't matter. As we were eating, a woman carrying her two-year-old son told him, Sure, you can say woof woof in the car if you want to. Whatever. them sure you can say woof woof in the car if you want to whatever i mean that's the line read you put on that but there are other options yeah sure but that was the funny one yeah yeah you chose the right one thank you um yes yes you can say woof woof in the car this won't upset me stop asking

i mean we've been over this the parenting books never prepared me for this oh my god is my kid gonna think they're a dog but you don't leave a dog in a hot car no but you do leave a kid well okay if you're alone in the car you can't go woof woof because mommy's gonna get in trouble yes you gotta act like a baby when you're alone When I was at the coffee shop Before coming here There was a kid sitting alone in a car And it just really brought me back to My parents running errands

And just being like, do you want to come in? No. Do you want to listen to the radio? Yeah, and it was the best And you'd honk the horn when they got far enough away And bother other people It was not the best, it was so boring Where do you draw the line with leaving kids in a car though

like it's 20 degrees out and breezy are we okay yeah no it seemed fine but I was just like that kid looks so bored the rule I believe

is if the kid is big enough to like you know get out themselves oh really yeah so like three well no my kids are four and

well one of them is the two-year-old the two-year-old can't unclick herself the four-year-old can't but we make the door childproof so you do leave your four-year-old in the car no oh okay i just want to know when you can start i think probably six maybe but you're not there yet but also like i'm more i'm less worried about them heat exhaustion i'm more worried about abductors oh i thought being judged yeah i mean did did my uh did the thought cross my mind of stealing this car in this game going on a road trip sure sure who whose. Whose mind would it have that thought? I don't even leave the dog like tied up to a pole if I go into a coffee shop

if I can't see it. Damn, you'd be arrested just walking towards that car. Yeah, it's true. That's why I didn't. And I could walk towards that car and steal that baby and it would look bad in the eye.

A little baby with glasses. That baby's too short to be her daughter. This last one comes from Matt L. in Raleigh, North Carolina. Do you think it's Mattel, the toy company? Yeah, I think it is. Oh. I was about to board a plane from Chicago to Raleigh.

Right. Yeah, I know. You know, somebody's exploring themselves and the world. Jet setting. And there was a young couple behind me with their little girl. It was about two. She was clearly getting impatient at waiting in line, and she finally loses her patience and exclaims, Oh, my God.

The mom and dad look at each other stunned. The mom says, She's two. Where did that come from? And the dad says, I know. Where the fuck did she learn that shit from? That sounds made up up That's a little But I liked I liked the patter

Behind it It's good Yeah Yeah we don't question These blessings I'm so sorry These blessings Thank you Mattel

Mattel just got a plug in Yeah And thank you for For creating Barbie Was it Yeah Hot Wheels also Hot Wheels too

Maybe they Maybe they bought barbie bought her out i don't know barbie founded that company that's a big thing and then they added boy toys after oh is that right yeah there's that documentary series on netflix and that's like no barbie made the money oh i had to stop watching netflix because uh you know whatever reason you did no wait no you were Amazon. Never mind. Yeah. And I've only been watching the hotter half. So that accounts for my Netflix queue. Mostly on CBC Gem, trying to support our podcast.

Oh, good for you. Very good. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one. SpyPod 1.

Like these people have. Hi Dave, Graham, and probable guests. This is Kathleen from New Hampshire. I was in my local Walmart when I overheard a conversation between two employees and the woman said you said Mark Wahlberg was in Transformers 2.

You didn't say there was a Transformers 1. Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! in Transformers 2. You didn't say there was a Transformers 1. Oh, wow. And it's Wahlberg-less. Yeah. Oh, the first... I don't think he's in Transformers 2. I think he's in, like, Transformers 4.

Yeah. I've seen none of them, but I liked this... So, with this woman, she got to deliver it in the tone. Yeah. We know this was

an angry conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that's right. Yeah like transformers um that was just a toy that that somehow spawned an entire television show and then many many movies it was a toy tv show at the same time like gi joe yeah i think that was the idea oh really like it was okay so it wasn't like he-man where they just came out with a toy and then they were like, oh, yeah, we'll do a show.

Oh, really? Yeah. I watched a documentary about it. Was that on the Netflix? It's on Netflix, yeah.

It's the Barbie one. Yeah, yeah. Watch the Barbie one. I will watch the Barbie one. I like Skeletor. How does his jaw stay on?

Why is he so buff? Yeah, why? I mean, there's a lot of questions. I mean, I only said that to set Becky up for her great bit. Are you mad at me?

Next one. I'm Dave Graham and possible guest. This is Ian calling in from Halifax with an overheard. I was at a coffee shop today and there was a few people sitting a few tables away and it sounded like they were having a job interview or something like that. And the person leading the interview just kept encouraging the other guy,

saying, yeah, that's great, Will. And then when we get you here, we'll get you to watch a little training video. And, you know, just kind of, the interview sounded like it was going well. And he kept saying Yeah Will that sounds good And then when they were wrapping things up He said

Oh so is it Will or William Which do you prefer And the other guy just said It's Dan Off I go Does that guy Bring in the wrong guy for the job And it's too late now

You've already said that he's going to watch the training video. No take backs. Yeah, I mean also if it's a job you really need you just go by Will the rest of the time. Yeah, I go by Will I mean on my

documents to get paid it'll say Dan. It's just an unusual spelling of Will. Don't worry, you're right. But yeah you know, all my documents to get paid. It'll say Dan. It's just an unusual spelling of Will. Yeah. Don't worry. You're right. But yeah, Will. Will do.

You know, that's fine. Like, it's not an easy job market out there, you know? Yeah, that's true. Absolutely. And especially, I guess, dress for the job you want. Dress like a Will. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Brand is important.

If they're hiring wills, make it work. Absolutely. Make it till you make it. Here's your next phone call. That's another BFF. Hello. It's Sophie Bumble again. Just calling because I forgot to wish beautiful Mae Scaloni a happy birthday because his birthday is today.

So happy birthday to Mace Bologna. And also wanted to plug that I'm doing the Top Comic contest again. And so I will be asking for votes from people online. That might be over by now. Sorry. And thank you. And love you. Bye. Not you, you and love you.

Bye. Bye you, Tanner Zipchin. Bye. That wasn't really an overheard. Are we allowed to just call it and plug whatever? I mean, she was on the show a few weeks ago and she forgot to wish her boyfriend a happy birthday. I did work with both of them out in Halifax and they're lovely people. I met them on the other coast.

That's right. Wonderful. But yeah, I'm just going to call in and plug're lovely people. I met them on the other coast. That's right. But yeah, I'm just going to call in and plug things or ask for work when I'm sort of broke. I'm ready to be a will if you've got a job.

Okay, here's your real final overheard. So mad at us. Hello, Dave, Graham, and probable guests. This is Derek from Chicago. I was just in my

building's mail room and I got some junk mail for some sort of erectile dysfunction medication and I threw it away and walked toward the elevator and then I saw an older man holding the same piece of junk mail

and he looked down at it and he just went oh no anyway I thought that was amazing bye like he's like oh no the boner they're on to me. Oh no, the government knows too. Did my wife tell them?

She said she wasn't going to tell anybody, but she obviously told everybody. She told the government. I knew I shouldn't have gotten in that fight with her. They've got cameras everywhere. In my toilet that I have to sit down and to pee. I said, don't even talk about it around your phone because it's listening. Phone listens. Yeah, yeah.

Oh, no. Oh, no. Have you guys ever gotten a boner? Into the podcast? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I mean, let's dive in. Have you ever gotten paper printed junk? Like boner into the podcast yeah yeah i mean let's dive in have you gotten ever gotten paper printed junk like boner stuff no not paper printed junk boners they're doing different in chicago

i've got i get mail yeah but like not spam do you like like i guess where do you draw the line right yeah i mean yeah i've you know yeah what's the line i guess yeah i mean the ads i get on facebook after i turned 40 were all uh for plastic surgery really yeah on around my 40th birthday it was like have you ever considered plastic surgery huh so i guess they'd send me that but yeah this is cool they're sending it they do get hard copy yeah yeah the big Facebook change I got was when we made our engagement status change. It was all weddings. Right. Makes sense.

All mine is for boner pills. It's all for concerts and stuff. And I don't know why. How cool. You got a cool algo. Yeah, I got a cool algo. Yeah. Oh, also,

the other thing I get is ads for gigantic baggy dresses. Like, I would look like a mountain in these things. It's like, you're 40,

either cut it off or throw a sack on it. Throw a sack on it. That'd be a great name for an over 40s lady's consignment store. Throw a sack on it. Or a British reality show name for an over 40s lady's consignment store. Throw a sack on it. Or a British reality show.

They go out with an iPad and go, should we cut it or throw a sack on it? Yeah. Yeah, I like that. Just throw a sack on it. Save it. All the way from the neck to the ankles. Throw a sack on that. Throw a sack on it.

Just like you're that guy who's like a halftime performer who wears the big bubble and his head comes out the top what does he do does he bounce around or does he sort of he bounces around he doesn't roll

his head can't come out if he rolls no no nobody jumps around yeah he puts his head in he puts his head out oh so he can put his head in and roll

yeah he's got complete control over this bubble what are these shows with a halftime a basketball game. A sports show. Yeah. Yeah.

Instead of cheerleaders or whatever. The ballet. The bubble man comes up. In the middle of. Honestly. Why not? The ballet needs it. But a good ballerina doing that.

Yeah. Would be amazing. Oof. Prima. Come on. Do this Luminato Festival. Come on. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast. Thank you.

You got boners? Yeah, we're all going to go take care of those. Oh, no. I'm sorry. I have to put a pill in my pee hole? I don't know how it works. My doctor just gave me a boner suppository. Don't try to take it without water.

I made this happen. I should have just let you end the show. I'm having four hours of improv shows tonight. Well, if it lasts more than four hours, call me back. Becky, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you. Each and every Friday in Toronto, uh Becky thank you so much for being our guest thank you um you

each and every Friday in Toronto uh huh people can catch you at catch 23 at Comedy Bar well I mean I'm not there

every Friday but I produce it and I vouch for it okay other thing is can I plug another thing yeah yeah of course

um I you can even call back weeks later and plug your boyfriend's birthday I'll keep doing it. I'll keep plugging whatever I want.

Yeah. And I am a writer for Baroness Von Sketch and the fourth season premieres September 17th on CBC and CBC Gem. Nice. Congratulations. I'm really excited. It's a really lovely space to work in. That's great. Good show.

Good show. Funny show. Thank you so much For being our guest We will be in Calgary, Alberta At the Calgary Public Library September

8th Yeah Free show Free show To the public It's a Sunday night Is Game of Thrones Still on opposite us?

Yeah Yep Darn it Yeah It's in repeats But people still watch them Yeah So Come see us There I think that'll be on opposite us. Yeah, yep. Yeah, it's in repeats, but people still watch them.

So, come see us there. I think that'll be our last show of the year, so you can maybe bring us Christmas presents. Bring us a Christmas tree you stole. And,

thanks everybody out there for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode. Stop podcasting yourself. Maximumfun.org.

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