Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 598 - John Cullen

Episode Date: September 2, 2019

Comedian John Cullen joins us to talk high school reading lists, children’s entertainers, and an island wedding.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 598 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's got the moves like Jagger. Mr. Dave Shumka. Why?

I don't know. Was that playing in the coffee shop before you got here? It must have been. Oh boy, what do I remember about that song? It was Maroon 5. It was sort of featuring Christina Aguilera. Yeah. Was he shirtless in the video?

Probably. Yeah. Yeah. He's got tattoos that are like a stereotypical 1950s prisoner. He's got that style of tattoos. And he's got his whole lifestyle is a stereotypical 1950s prisoner. Yeah, that that style. And he's got his whole lifestyle is a stereotypical. Yeah, that's true.

Breaking rocks all day. Yeah. Shilling for an acne company. That's whatever that company is called. Pro. Proactive. Proactive. They got deep pockets.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. They got one of the They got pockets like Jagger Before we introduce our guest Oh, yes This episode is our last chance to tell you About our live show coming up in Calgary This Sunday night

The 8th of September I'm looking at a calendar of the wrong month And we will be at the Central Library In Calgary, Alberta Yeah of September. I'm looking at a calendar of the wrong month. And, uh, we will be at the central library in Calgary, Alberta. Yeah. Uh, free show,

free show, free show. Point Dexter's. You're already at the library. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Sign out a book while you're there.

Uh, you know, something about birds probably. Yeah. But, uh, Oh yeah. I have a book of bird tattoos to get.

Um, but, uh, yeah. Bring as of bird tattoos to get. But yeah, bring as many friends as you want. You don't just have to be like, I brought my girlfriend who doesn't listen to the show. Yeah, bring all your friends who don't listen to the show. Bring my grandma who doesn't listen to the show. Calgary, 7 o'clock this Sunday night, free show. Come see us. Yeah. And our guest today on the podcast uh first time guest on the podcast

is the co-host of his own hilarious podcast called blocked party it's john cullen oh hi guys hello thank you for having me what a treat this is lovely and may i say you guys both looking good oh thanks very good a hot girl summer for both of you yes yeah i It's a sad thing that it's drawn to a close, this Hot Girl Summer. Yeah. But you know what? I made the most of it. I shot a lot of music videos. Is that what Hot Girl Summer's all about?

I mean, that's what my Hot Girl Summer is all about. What is Hot Girl Summer all about, the expert? I like that just by saying it, I'm now the expert. Well, I wasn't going to bring it up. It's, I think, a rapper,

Megan, the stallion, uh, kind of coined the term. And then, uh, Nicki Minaj, I believe co-opted it.

Okay. Um, and it just means to like, be a hot girl in the summertime. Like it's one of those, there's no, there's no layers here. Yeah.

It's just, uh, it's just, Hey, it's summertime. Yeah. Be hot where, where,

whatever you want. And then be a, be a frumpy lady It's just, hey, it's summertime. Be hot. Wear whatever you want. And then be a frumpy lady in the fall. Yeah, frumpy girl fall. Frumpy girl fall. That's the new, like, because it used to be don't wear white after Labor Day. Now it's like hot girl summer, then after Labor Day. Frumpy fall. Yeah.

Turtle necks. I think it's probably. Firmly winter. Festive girl winter. Santa's helper winter Yeah That's a short period But

And I don't like I don't like it When people try to sexy up Christmas It bothers me a lot I mean I only have the one Chance a year

To get out my Like red velvet And white fur lingerie Yeah same Well okay I'm outnumbered here I get it This might be the way To get you into Christmas Yeah And white fur lingerie. Yeah, same. Well, okay. I'm outnumbered here. I get it. This might be the way to get you into Christmas.

Yeah. You famously don't like Christmas. I don't like it. So maybe this is your problem. Yeah. Maybe I'm not horny enough for Christmas. I think that's what it is. Maybe that's it.

Maybe you should deck your halls. This Christmas, be horny for Christmas. Yeah, I guess. Okay. Have a very horny Christmas. Yeah. Um, should we get to know us?

Okay. Get to know us. I feel like we did a lot there. Yeah. We got to know a lot about us. About how hot we are for girl summer. Yeah. And Christmas.

And Christmas. And Santa, specifically. Yeah. Sexy Santa and, and the elves, you know, that's a thing that they do. Peoplexy Santa and, and the elves, you know, that's a thing that they do.

People do kind of, that's a weird thing. Yeah. The elf thing is weird. Yeah. It's weird. What's the elf thing that people do? Like there's a lot of like,

uh, guys and gals will dress up like sexy elves. Yeah. It's the whole cosplay thing. You know, it's the like, yes, I can imagine that.

A guy, a guy like has a guy dress this is sexy elf does he wears like a vest with no shirt on you know carries a bunch of cookies yeah that's good yeah but also like uh sexy halloween maybe i was just as a kid maybe i was blind to it but i don't feel like halloween was as sexy when i was when i was a kid i don't feel like adults were dressing up in sexy costumes no but maybe you just didn't notice maybe i did i definitely remember going to like whatever the where did you buy halloween costumes before halloween stores existed? Sellers? Yeah, sellers. Sellers or PharmaSave.

Yeah, like whatever you could find. And they would have a stack or like a rack of, you know, the Superman

wearing a Superman like a Superman costume that's got Superman's face on it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On a smock.

Yeah, yeah. Instead of a plastic mask. And a plastic mask. Instead of what now mask and a plastic mask instead of what now kids have like muscle suits of that are why did it why did it take so long to realize that's what they wanted or not even the muscle suit but just the costume yeah just a superman costume not a blue costume with superman's face on it but i remember uh shopping as a kid for halloween costumes and there would be adult

costumes like and so many of them and they were so good yeah but they weren't sexy where they were just like yogi bear and yeah well we're like a prisoner yeah yeah yeah a lot of prisoners back in the day yeah i think prison was like cooler yeah like prison was a little more romantic in the 90s you know netflix documentary yeah oz hadn't come out yeah that's true oz was only on the horizon so we were all still thinking of a stripy shirt yeah yeah cookie crook oh no look my my wrists are in chains yeah what happened here did people use um like were there sexy handcuffs before Basic Instinct came out? Ooh, that's a great question. And I certainly was not of an age where I would understand that.

No. How old of an age are you, John? I'm 33. 33. And I would imagine when... Yeah, the JC year, right? Oh, and JC. Oh, boy.

Lots going on here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah, you're JC too. I'm JC. Yeah, lots to take in yeah that is a lot to take in yeah how's 33 been for you so far it's been pretty good yeah yeah was it a hot girl year it's been it's been a pretty hot girl year I have to say yeah you know just uh really wearing my best outfits and uh I don't remember adults dressing sexy when I was a kid on Halloween but I remember

the kids dressing sexy. Just my classmates. Yeah, yeah. Ooh, okay, Princess Jasmine. I see what you're doing over there. Okay, I could be

your Aladdin. There was a kid I remember in my class who dressed as Freddy Krueger for Halloween. Sexy Freddy? It was pretty sexy.

It was pretty sexy. But then he continued to wear that sweater well through the rest of the year. Like he just, he kept the stripy sweater. Was it like ripped? Yeah. Okay. Yeah, it was ripped and stripy and like it was a Freddy Krueger purchased costume, but

he wore it as a regular sweater for the rest of the year. And if you brought it up, he would get quite annoyed that you were associating it with his Halloween. It's a Kurt Cobain sweater. Do you, can I talk about a fun meme I saw? Yes, please. Of course you can. It was a picture of Freddy Krueger and it said, girls on Instagram

be like, and then it was a picture of Freddy Krueger with all the scars on his face like smoothed out. Yeah. That's a good meme. So tell us tell us a bit about yourself this is your first time on the podcast my first long time listener of the podcast yes as you reminded me of on the actual show dave we've we've sort of been dangling the show just out of grasp for years yeah yeah no and i and i've loved every minute it's a thrill of the chase it really is it really now that i've done it i'm done this is it i'm

retiring from comedy congratulations thank you i appreciate it um so yeah i'm a comedian as you mentioned i'm also a teacher um so i i'm really having a hot girl summer because you don't have to work i don't have to work summer work Just been hot the whole time planning outfits Summer school seems to be more of a I guess a thing in movies Like there is summer school But there's also like Summer school for like I guess remedial

Like you failed your class you have to take summer school Although I don't know anyone When I was in high school I guess I heard about kids who had to do it, but. Yeah, I knew somebody who had to go to summer school. But I knew more people who did summer school to like get ahead. Yeah, that's what it is now. So they do two. So like you said, there's remedial.

So that's basically if you get 40%, between 40 and 50% in a class and you're you know probably a piece of shit then it's like okay you got to do another month of this and it's only you only go for like an hour and a half and it's just basically like hey here's all the here's all the stuff you missed dummy right because i teach english you really have to try to fail english like if you show up every day yeah that's basically it like i guess what you have will soak in yeah if you speak english already all right and you show up even if you don't read the books you were assigned they're your teacher's gonna be talking about the book yeah that's the whole thing because like university they're like oh you got to read this when you go home in high school it's like hey let's just read it all together yeah i'll read it to you yeah yeah so they have remedial

and then they also have full credit which is where you go for three hours a day either the morning or the afternoon and yeah it is a lot of kids usually especially in english what you find is kids who want to take all three sciences so biology physics and chemistry they will take english in the summer so then they don't have to worry about that in the in the winter time wow wow cool what a treat to yourself yeah a big time treat i get to you know read uh silas mariner yeah what is what are the the the mandatory reads these days i mean anything new or same same old same it's the same shit yeah like shakespeare you do like midsummer night's dream grade nine romeo and juliet grade 10 othello or julius caesar grade 11 yeah hamlet grade 12 yep never

did hamlet really yeah that's uh i think it shows i think we did midsummer night's dream again and i maybe also did it in drama class too i mean it is maybe your school only had the one set of books and we're like hey we'll just we'll just recycle them through again yeah because everybody gets a copy of the book right yeah that works yep yeah there's not just one that everybody has one it's a communal everyone does so like on one day you do midsummer night's dream but on the next day yeah i never um like uh like all the like high school books that you're supposed to read we never got assigned the the good ones like all over twist i had to read and who cares and then like i don't think we ever read, but like sometimes there were like books that I had to, I was like, oh, everyone's talking about, uh, um, uh, what's the Holden Caulfield one?

We had her in the ride. I read that on my own time later and I was like, oh yeah, this would have been great for 15 year old me to read. Yeah. Yeah. Like I, uh, maybe of mice and men. Oh yeah. That might've had, that that's a grade that's a grade 12 usually yeah yeah so it's still pretty like uh you usually get the outsiders in grade eight oh we never got the outside oh really a treat that's a little bit yeah and you get to watch the movie yeah talk

about a hot girl summer oh yeah oh boy just a of dudes that are absolute peak hotness. Yeah, Tom Cruise. Had that one weird tooth. Yeah, that's true. But you got Emilio Estevez. You got Matt Dillon, who's, I mean, just, whew. Yeah, yeah. Playing the bad boy. See Thomas Howell.

Yeah, ooh, nice. See Thomas Howell. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Haven't even seen the movie. You haven't? No. Oh, it's a lot of fun. I wasn't allowed to see it

until I read the book and we weren't assigned it. I liked, that was a lot of fun. I wasn't allowed to see it until I read the book and we weren't assigned it. I liked, that was a fun day. The day that you got to watch the movie that the book was based on. Because that was a real, let's just phone it in. Yeah. That still happens. I'm a substitute teacher.

So I'm usually there when they're watching the movie. Because the teachers will plan, you know, they'll be like, oh, I've got a doctor's appointment. I'll try and line up like the day they're watching the movie they don't trust me to teach the thing yeah right this guy might know nothing they figure you've got enough av experience to start plug in a projector probably in high schools are they still the old tvs on wheels no those are gone and overhead projectors are gone too it's pretty much all digital projectors now most of the most classes now have them mounted in the roof and some classes even have smart boards really where it's like a whiteboard but you can it's like a touch screen

yeah yeah exactly they're from japan yeah and all the people who did the voices for Nintendo. It's a me. Pony boy. Yeah, exactly. So being a substitute is that you don't know any given week how much you're going to be. Have you read all these books? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So many times, Dave.

It's every year. It's relentless. They just keep coming for you. It's like, oh, Outsiders oh outsiders again cool what's your favorite of the books that you had to read oh boy that's a great question i like of mice and men i think i mean that's a good that's a classic one we did that solid story and the outsiders is good too because the kids do actually like it yeah so that's night like it's nice when you don't have to sell. Shakespeare, you got to sell. You know, you got to. And you don't even like it. I do like Shakespeare.

Do you? Yeah, I know. It's a tragedy. Do you like reading it? Because some people will argue that Shakespeare should only be seen in play form, that you never should have to read it as a book. Or some people say you need some breakbeats underneath. That he was the original rapper?

Oh, me thinks. The people who say that have never seen kids try to act it out. Because that's what happens a lot. The teacher will be like, yeah, so our class is like a Shakespeare theater class. Where when we read it, we don't just sit in our chairs and read it. The kids get up and we act it out. And that, gonna tell you guys it's not good it's bad it's it's quite bad okay the romeo and juliet dry humping scene um but you know they always try to interest you via the sword fights and whatnot of course yeah the blood the sex yeah but it's hard when you're trying to explain you have

to explain the sex so that's never great either it's like no it's here's the thing lady macbeth is super horny right yeah you don't know it's getting close to christmas she loves macbeth santa costume and you don't understand about how horny lady macbeth is. She's hella horny. So Lady Macbeth is, I guess, kind of like Princess Fiona. Macbeth is like Shrek. To put it in terms you understand. Exactly. The porter is donkey. And it is weird because he's only in it for one scene in a regular play,

but Shrek really stretched it out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it is a weird thing to read it because the kids are bad at reading it and uh yeah they're bad at acting they're bad at all of it so it's well they don't understand any of the words because totally nonsense absolutely i agree completely and it is hard but i so i always try to like at least make the projects that we do around it a little bit more modern you know like

so that they don't feel like oh my god it's just more and more of this yeah check it out leonardo dicaprio's got he's calling his gun a sword yeah that is pretty cool that's pretty cool that was that adaptation hit right at the exact the right time yeah uh for a teenage graham to really get into that particular play yeah uh why wasn't why didn't bez lurman do a cool like 12th night yeah because 12th night is not cool that's why it's too tough don't even know i don't even know what 12th night is i know the name of it but i don't know is it takes place after the 11th night so funny yeah shakespeare's comedies are hilarious yeah yeah you love it anytime that and that's the thing right it's like the original funny rapper yeah it's like the original cool keith yeah yeah that's the kids will really

connect to that yeah 12th night rapper's delight that's what i always say uh is there a book uh or anything that you have to teach that you absolutely are just like oh boy this is a grind it's a lot of the short stories actually because the short story books like dave was alluding to earlier a lot of the short story books are just so old they're so old the stories are horrible right so so it's really like i always try and illegally i don't remember alluding to this well you alluded to the books you're like oh we had to yeah we had to read books yeah yeah you're right i'm just trying it was uh i'm trying to tie it all together yeah yeah don't worry about that yeah don't worry but yeah no i uh yeah i think it's it's all the short story books they don't update them anymore

so i always try and illegally bring in stuff because you're not allowed really allowed to like photocopy or you know steal things that right but i try and do modern ones because the the old ones is just and it doesn't matter how many times you tell people the lottery is the hunger games the kids that they're like, I don't care. Yeah. Stop saying this. I just, yeah, I remember like occasionally we would get a short story. Maybe this just happened once, but like had come from Playboy.

Oh, yeah. Like back when Playboy was a, you know. You could read it for the articles. Yeah. Yeah. The good thing about Playboy is you didn't have to explain the horniness. The kids got it up front. There's naked women in this.

We get it. Most of them were actually, no, maybe they were letters to Penthouse Forum. Yeah. And you were allowed to photocopy them. That was the loophole. I don't remember reading short stories in high school. No, it's a whole unit. It's like you usually typically you'll do a poet, a poetry unit. You'll do a novel.

Okay. You'll do a Shakespeare and you'll do a short stories. And that's your year. That's your year right there. About a month for each. And then you're coasting. Yeah. What's the poetry unit like?

Terrible also. Yeah. Turns out kids hate it. And Well, what's the poetry unit like? Terrible also. Yeah. Turns out kids hate it. And again, it's the same thing. It's like, it doesn't matter how many times you tell them that Kendrick Lamar is a poet, you know?

Right. Yeah. Okay. Mr. Colin. Kendrick Lamar is a poet. Now let's read this Robert Frost. Yeah.

Yeah, exactly. This is where Kendrick got all his ideas from. This one's a sort of just about how hard it was to be a woman in 1810 the kids are like yeah yeah i get it for sure and then what is the in the kids defense grown-ups hate poetry too i quit i like poetry i mean yeah but like uh the the people have spoken yeah the people are voting with their dollars and no one's buying volumes of poetry unless it's a tough mark that's it rupee core

is the one who's this rupee core she's like the milk she wrote milk and honey she's the one that like you'll see her poems kind of like uh people make fun of the format of them because it's a lot of like line breaks for no reason you know get creative with the typography yes who wrote live laugh love the famous pillow poem it's just a folk that's a folk poem passed around it was uh jack pure one imports he's good yeah he's really good he's done some other in this house we smile or something like that i saw a pregnant lady this this weekend wearing a shirt that said i like to think wine misses me nice and so that's you know that's like a jack classic that's everyone knows where we got that from and it is from pure one imports uh the uh you see sometimes people do posting of poetry on instagram that seems to be

a popular that's a place for poetry to end up so why don't you do that as a poetry fan this is repost yeah you should repost some poetry you're right you're right i will that'll be my fall resolution i'm gonna post more poetry on instagram who are your who are your people like do you have yeah who are your guys who are my guys who are your guys this is this is wtf now i like uh a lot of a lot of people from the the 50s and 60s i like uh like a lawrence ferlinghetti like a pablo neruda okay sure you know um i like spaghetti too i like a William S. Burroughs Oh, Bill Burroughs Yeah, Bill Burroughs

Billy Burroughs Yeah, I like an E.E. Cummings Oh boy, yeah Lowercase That's how you know it was serious The original tweeter Yeah, yeah That's how you sell E.E. Cummings to the kids Some people say that Oh, it was serious. The original tweeter. Yeah, yeah.

That's how you sell E.E. Cummings to the kids. Some people say that. Do the E.E. Cummings... I know E.E. Cummings is the name. By the way, what is the gender of E.E. Cummings? Man. At least it's a man. It's a man, okay. I don't know.

I don't know. That's true. E.E. could go anywhere. I don't even know if the E.E. stood for anything, actually. It was for E.E. it was for E Cummings. God. Um, and the,

uh, uh, so the, the name is in lowercase or the poems in lowercase. Oh yeah. A lot of lowercase. And he was also one who did a lot of concrete poetry experimenting with the form.

Yeah. Yeah. You know, your poetry. I poetry, experimenting with the form. Yeah. Yeah. You know your poetry. I mean, I try my best. He's a teacher. Yeah, that's true. It's kind of my whole thing. I kind of have to.

And I'm a student of life. Yes. Now, John, I also know you are a curler. That's true. Yeah. What is curling? In the States, that's just something you do to your hair. Yeah.

Up here in Canada. Your hair or your biceps. But, like, I don't think we've ever had a guest who has done it more than you know twice as a fun yeah fun like night out with friends you you've been a competitive curler for a very long time yeah how long 21 years get out yeah i didn't know it was that long that's crazy long yeah yeah well like really competitively in the last like 10 yeah but been playing my whole life how it's not like a uh sport where it i like to a certain extent you can't do it when you're very old but or you can but like not competitively but like it's not like hockey where like if you're if you don't make it by the

time you're 18 you're done you're done yeah no it's not that it's not that hockey where like if you're if you don't make it by the time you're 18 you're done you're done yeah no it's not that it's not that in fact most people would say like you don't get really good until you know your 30s ish really yeah and especially skips because they don't have to sweep so that the sweeping is the physical part of the game the skips don't do it what are you are you a skip no i play lead so i throw and sweep um what are the that's what that's what i have to say every time just so people know yeah i play lead the guy who plays rhythm he doesn't get to say anything um what uh what are the how many people are on a team four there's the skip skip there's the lead the sweep and the uh the charles he's in charge yeah the

coxswain is great he just he's the guy that yells he's the hurry hard guy yeah got that cool who are the other two uh okay so real answers okay so you got your lead yeah they throw first and they don't throw they slide well we call it throwing but yes they slide no one's throwing it like yes we don't throw it overhand it is important for your american listeners and everyone else who doesn't like curling which is everyone uh yes so you slide it so you got your lead then you got your second then you got your third then you got your skip your skip oh okay and everybody throws two in that order so you you throw eight rocks per end, which is like an inning in baseball. So what does the skip do?

They are telling you where to throw. Oh, okay. Yeah. They're the coach. Yeah, kind of. You also will have a coach, but in game, that's who decides what strategy you're playing. So the skip will be like, I want you to play this shot. And then their job is to read the ice.

So different ice surfaces have different properties as far as how much the rock curls so they will give you a target they'll say like i think if you hit this target the rock will curl to where i want it to go okay yeah i can i can feel both of you no i'm getting bored no i'm it's very soothing i find it soothing soothing. Because. I can talk like ASMR and really just get your. Yeah. It's a very soothing TV sport. It is. It's a great like nap because you know the noise of the rock like running on the ice.

And it's a great like. It sort of came out of nowhere as a TV sport. True. Because. Like it was something people made fun of for years. Sure. Still do. Still do. Yeah. But like it is that overhead camera. Because it was something people made fun of for years Sure And still do

But like it is that overhead camera Really just like takes you there You can see it better than the players Yeah And you know what as a spectator You should be able to see it better than the players Because all you're doing is watching They're in it

Curling is even for me I prefer to watch curling on tv i think it's a sport that's better on tv very similar to golf right i would say it's like yeah it's it's much better to be on tv you get the angles you can hear what the players are saying but as a as a young man what was the attraction to getting into curling the babes yeah oh no that's right why does any young man get into anything sexy halloween every day yeah the curling the sexy curler yeah it's a classic costume uh the real answer is that uh i was too weak for hockey so okay but i also was too weak for hockey

and i didn't end up in curling so what's the diff um well so i did play hockey my whole life and then once hitting came into hockey i stopped liking it so much and i got into curling i think um when did they get rid of hitting and curling isn't that isn't that a part of it after you got drunk and then you'd give give the guy a little shove at the end of the match that's a yeah i mean that's a different thing entirely but that's certainly most most definitely happens does it really oh sure yeah i mean not at the competitive levels but yeah i mean guys are all guys are taking swings look at where curling clubs are they're in all these small towns in canada it's true and they all the old

days though like people would they would drink on the ice and stuff yes and smoke the competitive level you can watch old like and not even that old like from the 70s world championship clips and guys are sliding out with just a dart hanging out of the corner of their mouth see now now this is this is where my entry into the sport like where i'm like yes this this uh that's what you could actually tell people you'd be like i used to curl and then they stopped letting us smoke on the ice and now i i'm out what about the last like competitive like olympic sport where people were smoking in the middle of it smoking in the middle they stopped letting us smoke on the ice. And now I'm out. What about the last competitive Olympic sport where people were smoking in the middle of it? Smoking in the middle of it.

Probably curling. I mean, it wasn't a full sport until 98, but it was a demo sport in 92. And there are definitely still clubs in 92 you could smoke on the ice for sure. Oh, yeah. Yeah, because... But like skiers never were smoking.

Only the French ones. ones yeah maybe on the way up you know the bobsled you could get away with uh smoking a dart oh yeah you definitely could but they would keep going out you'd have to be relighting it all the way down the track boy i couldn't tell you the four teammates team members in a bobsled team. No. There's the anchor. There's the driver, the brake guy. The brakeman. Oh, the brakeman. The brakeman.

Yeah. And then Doug and Gordon. The guy who's got to keep everyone's smokes lit. Oh, you know who, like, athletes still smoke to this day? Gymnasts. To keep them short? Keep them light, keep them short. Really? Yeah. to this day gymnasts to keep them short keep them light keep them short really

yeah I mean it's not it's not a practice that I think is looked kindly upon but Simone Biles is hacking darts

you're saying I don't know that I don't want to name names I think we've been saying I don't know that we've ever said the word dart before this show in reference to a cigarette

my apologies that's the curler in me sure it's fine I don't want it to seem like we're like dark fellas then why did i get this t-shirt printed up that said we're the dark fellas i was gonna say dark guys but there's a guy known as dark guy yeah that's true that's his whole thing yeah there's a toronto maple leafs fan whose nickname is dark guy and is he smoke yeah okay they showed him during a hockey game the leafs are in the playoffs and they showed Maple Leafs fan Whose nickname is Dart guy And is he smoke? Yeah Oh okay

They showed him During a hockey game The Leafs were in the playoffs And they showed him During a hockey game With his face painted And he had a cigarette Just hanging out of his mouth

In overtime So people were like Oh we're all Dart guy right now Yeah And then he became Dart guy I mean we are all

Dart guy If you look If you look deep Inside yourself You used to be a dark guy. Yeah. Huge. Were you a smoker Dave ever?

No, no, no, no. Look how, how tall and bulky I am. Yeah. That's true. You could never do the parallel bars. Your gymnast career ended early. Graham was trying to keep the hope alive. Yeah.

The uneven rings. Was that a thing? Yeah. That's a cool, that's a cool content competition that's my favorite one um but like uh do you know historically when curling went from guy drinking and being able to smoke to being like oh we're we're athletes we're the olympics it was the olympic and people like train like lift weights People lift weights now They're into it Yeah

It's basically What happened is Do you lift weights? Yeah Okay I mean I know it doesn't look like it No no no It does

You look You look yoked Do you lift weights? No Do I? Yeah No You started

No I had a weight And it's really hard To get rid of a weight Yeah Because they're so damn heavy exactly it's tough to throw it uh same with the curling rock 44 pounds so yeah it's tough to throw also hard to display on any shelf lots of shelves yeah that kind of super true yeah

yeah but it was really what happened was canada's been the dominant force in curling for a very very long time and in canada they love uh they love their smokes and their and their drinks yeah yeah yeah uh and then the olympics came along and uh a lot of countries rightly went uh hey it seems like only one country's good at this thing and gordy's smoking a dart out on the ice and drinking three-fifths of a of a two-six before the game maybe if uh we just got some athletes in there and so so yeah it was really like the asian countries and some of the scandinavian countries that started putting a ton of money into it right china especially china basically took a team

and brought them over here and they just lived here for like five years and trained every single day and within like seven years they won a world championship like five years and trained every single day. And within like seven years, they won a world championship. Ah, meanwhile, we were training every other day. Yeah. They're having off days because of the hangovers. Yeah. We were just the fumes from the Dartfellas t-shirts. Yeah, wow.

Really affecting us and stuff. We were printing so many in those days. So yeah, so that was kind of what sort of changed it all. Yeah. money in those days. So yeah, so that was kind of what sort of changed it all.

Yeah. And now it's, now everybody is in the gym and even the drinking culture around the game has subsided at least at the top levels.

That's too bad. I guess I'll have to find, well, darts. Darts are always going to be there. Your dart fellow shirt will come in handy

in two different ways. That and snooker. I could just tell you. Any of your pub games. Yeah, pub games. Pub games are still, they're still on the table for you. Yeah. Yeah.

And don't get me wrong, at the casual level of curling, still an extreme amount of drinking. Yeah. You just can't smoke on the ice anymore. Right. Oh, okay. So, yeah, okay. Sort of like bowling. Yeah.

You have to keep your drink behind the line. Why isn't bowling an Olympic sport? I don't know. Because, why not a lot of people do it yeah um who would dominate probably america yeah probably yeah but are there even like non-american bolt like i'm trying to think like the pva is probably only americans yeah i mean well uh britain probably has bowling yeah they gotta have some and then there's gonna be some countries that have like weird pins you know like a weird a weird version of it that these are non-regulation

yeah yeah italy's got bocce yeah yeah see and then italy's like well maybe we could if we brought uh some of our italian team over to the america to study bowling yeah yeah they're like we don't have pins but we do have a ball that's just smaller than the other yeah yeah that's cool i do like bocce it's fun i mean uh there's a like there's have you been i've been seeing people playing spike ball oh yeah that looks fun it's like there's a little trampoline in the middle okay and four players like two teams of two are it's basically volleyball like you smash it a little trampoline in the middle. Okay. And four players, like two teams of two, it's basically volleyball. Like you smash it into the trampoline and the other team has three bounces to get it back onto the trampoline again.

It's volleyball for douchebags. Oh, yeah? Yeah. But it seems fun. It does seem fun, for sure. But a lot of things douchebags do seem fun. That's why they do it. Like getting up on somebody's shoulders at a concert it seems fun but

only these bags do it uh i was there's also a new like my nieces and nephews were playing it and i saw my neighbors have it it's this backyard game with uh three um like horizontal poles that are about you know two feet wide and uh you take a a rope with weights on either side and you try to catch it on these poles oh yeah ladder ball is it called ladder ball it is ah yeah you're up on it's sort of like a little ladder but there's no ball yeah so there's two it's two balls on the end of a rope okay yeah and then ropes, it seems like ladder rope, 18 ladder rope with two balls connected. It's actually, that's the official,

that's the official name of the sport. And then, yeah, each of the, each of the poles is worth a certain amount of one. Exactly. You got it. It's a 21 wins.

Oh, like a whole world of backyard sports that I don't know. Got to have a backyard first. That's true. You got to have a backyard. You got to have people who are willing to participate. True. If you have a dog, you got to routinely check your backyard.

Yeah, that's true. Great point. But yeah, as far as I know, it's still badminton. Still badminton and croquet. Those are the ones I know. Yeah, and losing your frisbee over the fence. That was a fun game. That was a great game. Who has to go get the frisbee?

I had a neighbor that kept the frisbee that we threw over. They wouldn't give it back. Our neighbor has a lock on their gate. And so, if they're not home, we can't get it back. Just climb that fence. They're not home. That's the rule.

Margo's old enough to climb a fence. What do you see? I'm just yelling over the fence. She's like, there's so many Frisbees over here. Get over there. Favorite backyard game. Oh,

great question. For me, it's spike ball. You haven't played, but just the look of it. It just seems like it's, it's spike ball. You haven't played, but just the look of it. It just seems like it's like a lot. It seems like you can get your heart rate up without running. Yeah.

Very true. I'm just running. That's your favorite backyard? Do a lap? Do a running around the backyard. Yeah, I do like ladder ball a lot, actually. Yeah. Yeah, my family's been playing that for a while, and it's a good one.

And, of course, your classic cornhole, you know. Now, that's throwing a bag in. Yeah. So yeah, that's my family's been playing that for a while and it's a good, it's a good one. And of course your classic corn hole, you know. Now that's throwing a bag in a board. Yeah. Throwing a bag in a hole. Yeah.

The bag is full of corn as per the title. It's an Oklahoma game. Yeah. I definitely have had people say let's do that and me saying

no, absolutely not. That's corn hole? Is that the way that they say it? Yeah, let's play corn hole and I'm like, I don't. And me saying, no, absolutely not. That's cornhole. Is that the way that they say it? Yeah. Let's play cornhole. I'm like, I don't.

And you, I won't pull your t-shirt up and say, I am cornhole. I'm like, did we do it? Did we play it? Did you bring the teepee? For my bunghole.

Oh boy. Um, Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, this, uh, speaking of like cornhole and games like that, Oh boy Dave what's going on with you man Well this Speaking of like cornhole in games like this This afternoon we're going to the fair

To the PNE Oh hey Play a little cornhole there Yeah do a little bit of ski ball or whatever Sure You know what else Throw a ring on a bottle Yeah

You got the old Shoot the water into the clown yeah yeah yeah i assume these are all still there yeah uh i have to so we're taking both the kids um and we're gonna have to explain to them that you're not going to win any of these prizes yes that's tough and we're only going here today and tomorrow we're not going back to the winner like this is a one time. The fair is leaving tomorrow. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. You, we can't, you're going to love it. You're going to love the food. You're going to love the constant distractions. Yep.

It's not, it's not like when you went over the fence and found all those frisbees, this will be the opposite of that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Nothing good is going to happen.

Frisbees are going to find you. So yeah. So we've been sort of prepping them for like all right you're gonna go on the wimpiest rides yeah yeah yeah yeah because you're a couple of wimps yeah you're gonna you know we'll get you some cotton candy that you've been talking about all week yeah they're gonna love it you're gonna pet a cow yeah super dogs no i don't think we'll do super dogs this time we did it last year yeah well you have to get there pretty early to get good seats yeah and it's very popular the waiting is the hardest part yeah yeah yeah yeah and then we went we got there early enough to get decent seats and then like halfway through margo was like this is enough i've seen enough of this geez louise so wow yeah wimpy and yeah and impatient yeah

um yeah because i guess you can't when it when your kid says that then that's just it's over then well yeah there's no option you're just like like, we're going outside then. I guess kids get, you just are doing this for them. It's not like church. Who are you doing church for? For our Lord and Savior? For your eternal soul? JC33 over there.

I remember being very bored about that and no one let me leave. No. There was a lot of things that I remember being very bored for that and no one let me leave. No, no, there was a lot of things that I remember being very bored for. And my parents made me do school was one. Yeah. Your aforementioned church, you know, even if we rented a movie and I didn't like it, we were forced to watch the whole thing because we went out and rented a

movie. True. You can't just scroll around to find the next movie. No, exactly. Just going to go, I go i'm gonna go play outside the hell you are well you're gonna finish watching milo and otis the original super dogs yeah uh is one of them a cat yeah i think so right or are they both cats i don't even remember there might be two cats i. I don't know. It was boring. I hated it. What's the other one with the incredible journey?

Is that dogs? Homeward bound. Oh, homeward bound. That was a bunch of animals? Yeah. Yeah. It was like all animals that had inner monologues. Yeah.

Maybe one of them was Michael J. Fox. Did Milo and Otis not have inner monologues? I don't remember. Just remember thinking it was so boring. What about Look Who's Talking? Hey, Look Who's Talking has the greatest opening of any movie. It's a sperm and an egg meat? Yeah, but all the sperm are racing each other and it's the Beach Boys song I get around is playing.

It's hilarious. So that's going to sort of round off our hot girl summer. Um, but, uh, go to the fair. One thing we did also, uh, a summertime thing is, uh, one of the parks around here, uh, once a week they have these kids concerts. Now this is a kid playing concert. If only. I thought you said kiss concerts.

I was like, whoa, okay. Once a summer. Once a week. All summer long. Cool. No, they have these kids concerts with a little like a sort of child versions of Gene Simmons and Paul Sten.

Yay. No, they have like, you know, adults playing kids music and you go and you have a picnic and your kids are bored and want to go in the playground. And you say, we walked all the way here. Sit down. This isn't like super tough. Enjoy this cover of the Wiggles. No, you say, yeah, after I finish my food, I'll take it.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But can I eat? I know you're done because I had to put the food in your mouth because you were ignoring it. But it's a fun little event with, you know, grownups, you know, mostly, mostly picnics are people bring takeout. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, that's what a picnic is. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, make a home sandwich if you like, but then why not just eat it at home? Skip the whole picnic. I think you can still at like William Sonoma buy a fancy picnic basket with like plates, a little strap for fancy plates.

Yeah. That's the new renting a movie we're going for a picnic yeah we bought this fancy picnic basket so you're gonna sit there and you're gonna eat everything that was strapped into this thing then we're gonna strap in filthy dishes on the way out yeah 100 percent um but i uh no i picked up two burritos. Yeah. Brought them. And then what we went, so we went to the last concert this week. We had also happened upon an earlier concert with, I guess they were kids performers. It was like a guy in his fifties and a woman maybe in her thirties.

And they were doing, they were doing songs that weren't really kids songs any way you want it the way you need no I wrote down a little list but I can't find it it's always good when a children's performer makes you uncomfortable wonder why

they're there yeah how did we how did this happen there was so they were doing um uh the gambler the guy liked playing old older songs and the woman liked playing newer songs so they were playing the game he did a round of the gambler yeah uh she did i mean the gamblers i think that's a song i knew when i was a kid. Yeah, yeah. It's a good life lesson. It's not inappropriate. No, it's fun. She did Torn by Natalie Imbruglia. That's more inappropriate. Yeah, bound and broken on the floor.

Nude. Yeah, there's nudity in that song. There's nudity in the song. But why are we sexualizing nudity? Kids are nude all the time. You're wrong. Look, it's Hot Girl Summer that sexualized nudity. Oh, sorryity not my fault

they did Rebel Just For Kicks or whatever that song is called they did another Kenny Rogers song this time a duet Island Stream and they did Let It Go no not the famous Disney song.

The song by Canadian singer-songwriter Luba. Oh. Luba. Wow. Let it go. Let it free your body. Let it move you so. Let it go.

I like the idea that they said that to the kids. Do you guys want to hear Let It Go? Yeah. Who here likes Luba? Yeah. One kid thinks it's Luba-goy. Well, because we didn't see Frozen before we had kids, so I knew about this song, Let It Go.

Yeah. But in my mind, I was always just singing, let it go, let it free you, man. So I never really heard it. So this song was for the adults. This is one for the adults. My theory is the person booking these concerts was like, oh, these people, oh, they do let it go.

Like they just looked at their website. This must be. Enter Sandman. I think that's a lullaby. i don't i don't understand and like i don't understand how somebody decides to be a children's entertainer like i don't i don't know if these people were right fair they didn't i think they could maybe move their set to a wedding as well yeah so they. So this was a gig. Especially if one of the people getting married was a Kenny Rogers fan. But yeah, it's like a very specific wing of entertainment. Yeah.

I mean, there are like, the last show was just kids performer, just a kids performer. And there was, we know a couple others around town that are great. And they get the kids involved and they know how to like groove with the kids. Sure. Yeah. I think you just have to be a weirdo. Yeah. I think that's really it.

Yeah. I have a friend who does it. He's also a curler actually. And he's from PEI. And he is a, he just started like a year ago being a children's entertainer. And he's just like. And he's a wacky. Yeah. He's also a curler actually. And he's from PEI and he is a, he just started like a year ago being a children's entertainer. And he's just like, and he's a wacky, he's just a wacky dude.

He just is like, does he do like, like birthday parties, that kind of thing. Yeah. And he does, he'll do like what Dave was saying, like a lot of,

you know, public like summer fest or, you know, just those kinds of, yeah. Huh. Oh, so,

so, um, in this neighborhood, uh, they're on next or this. Sure. Yeah. Huh. Oh, so, so, um, in this neighborhood, uh, they're on next or this coming weekend. I will probably go to this as well. There's going to be, I don't think they're closing the streets down, but there's like a summer party and, uh, like they're going to show the land before time in the movie theater.

I don't know why that movie specifically. The Bluth. Cheap. Yeah. Cheap. That's right. why that movie specifically. The Bluth. Cheap. It's cheap. That's right. They already had it. They rented it. Yeah,

and you're gonna watch it. And they have, but they have a day of concerts and there's one children's performer followed by George Michael impersonator.

Yes. Followed by mostly Marley reggae band. I think, I think a George Michael, cause they'll get the kids up. They'll all wiggle their butts. Yeah.

You know, that's a fun thing to do as a kid. Yeah, absolutely. Careless whisper is basically for kids. Yeah. A little sad. Father figure.

That's exactly right. A lot of kids need that. Yeah, absolutely. I'm going to go, um, me and some of my friends are putting on all the costumes from the too sexy video yeah yeah we're gonna do a little catwalk they've got faith is then you

don't have to go to church yeah that's right yeah this is that covered your dose of church you gotta have faith yeah it's a great lesson i want your sex is well there's no, no. Don't sexualize sex. Yeah. Come on. These are kids. Fast love. Yeah. I think I'm a baby. I'm your man. Yeah. Last Christmas.

Yeah. Which we know. Classic horny Carol. Yep. Yep. Oh, boy. That's actually the opposite of a horny Carol, I guess. Last Christmas?

Yeah. I gave you my heart and then you gave it away Oh, yeah So that's like, you're trying to get horny on Christmas and you got turned down Yeah, yeah Who's the most horny carol? I would say probably Carol Brady from the Brady Bunch I was going to say that the horniest Christmas song is Santa Baby Yeah, of course

Well, absolutely Maybe it's cold outside That's pretty horny It was so horny it got banned Yeah, that's true. But it made its way back to the air. Yeah. Because we live in the horniest time possible.

2019. The horniest timeline. Yeah, that's right. Of the timelines, this is the horny one. It's all a simulation, but it's a horny one. It's run by some real horny ones. Yeah, this is the part of of the simulation where like it was like when the Sims made it so you

could have sex in the game. Was that a thing? This is that, we're in that simulation now. I think it was like a big thing like I don't know what version of the Sims it was but it was just basically Her version. Well, yep, that's it.

My favorite simulation is when the Sim, you make him drink a lot and don't give him a toilet so he pees on the floor yeah i would just let my my sim uh wither and die pretty quickly when i get bored the only time i played the game it was like uh online and you could go to people's houses and i would go to other people's parties and drink too much water and pee on their floor. We'll see ya. Would the sim be like I need to go to the bathroom and you'd be like

refuse, refuse, request. Basically. Do a little pee pee dance. Would you ever be respectful and let him go in the pool? Go for a swim. Go for a swim with your clothes on. a little pee-pee dance? Would you ever be respectful and let him go in the pool? Just like take a dip? Go for a swim with your clothes on. No one will know. What's going on with you,

hot girl? Thank you. Hot Graham Summer. This weekend I went to the island for a wedding. It was very iry. Uh This weekend I went I went To the island For a wedding I Yeah It was very iry Um

What island? Uh Salt Spring Aha Salt Spring Island Uh It's very For the listeners

It's very Like a lot of hippies Hippie dippie Lot of Retirees Retiree Diaries Retiree Diary Uh It's very quaint quaint as fuck all over

the place well because don't they have their own money there right like that's how quaint did it don't they have like salt spring dollars i maybe i feel like yes i think are you thinking of sand dollars yeah yeah no i'm pretty sure they have their own currency on salt spring i think well i paid in canadian regular yeah they do oh yeah they also have their own currency on Salt Spring, I think. Well, I paid in Canadian funds while I was there. They also accept regular money. Yeah, they do. Oh, yeah. They also have their own currency at Disneyland.

Donald Bucks. Wow. Yes. Pretty good. So, yeah, went over on the ferry and, you know, all the usual ferry things. People letting their kids just run wild. That seems to be

the rule. As long as you're on board, just let the kids run all over the place like maniacs. In fairness to them, KISS was playing. So they were pretty fired up. I think kids would like a lot of kiss songs oh of course yeah they're not for grown-ups they're wearing face paint they've made they made it very clear

they were trying to be children's entertainers and everybody just kept putting them on midnight special yeah um oh speaking of children's entertainers saw Rafi over there oh yeah

does he live there I guess so Rafi Kavoukian um is that his last name yeah yeah oh wow I didn't

I never thought of him as having a a last name like Lady Gaga you couldn't imagine he was Armenian I guess not. But yeah, I saw him walking down the side of a road eating a croissant or something.

He'd just gone to a bakery. Was he down by the bay where the watermelons grow? It was weird because he looks the same as what I like. He always kind of had a bit of an old man look. Still looks the same. Looks great. Yeah. That island living is really treating him well.

Yeah. He actually had to retire there because all his entire career he was paid in Salt Spring dollars. Salt Spring dollars, yeah. But that was in his rider. He said it has to be in cash and it has to be Salt Spring dollars.

That's right. I'm going to look into this. I mean, there are like several towns in North America that have their own like a fun currency. No, it's not a fun currency. It's like a for it's maybe for even young people like around labor laws. Like you earn, you know, whatever the name of the town you learn vancouver bucks yeah you earn vancouver bucks that can be spent in this city but oh i see yeah okay instead of real bucks that you can spend anywhere yeah yeah we want to make it

limiting yeah yeah yeah that's the key i wonder what the exchange rate is. These Vancouver dollars to Salt Spring dollars. It's a question I certainly don't know the answer to. Have you ever been over there? I have not been to Salt Spring, no. But I've been on some of the other Gulf Islands, but not Salt Spring. I feel like they all have a similar vibe to them. A lot of people escaping something. Yeah, people running away.

That's the vibe. From their career as a children's musician. Yeah. From their baby beluga royalties. You know that he, uh, has a banana phone. He has,

he was contacted by Disney on said banana phone. Disney wanted to make a movie of baby beluga and he would not sell. Oh, he would not sell the right to the song or to the intellectual property he was that would have been a lot of donald bucks and he turned it down he turned it down uh you know just like just like uh sony and spider-man it was the spider-man of its day so upset about that i know you are i follow your is the Spider-Man of its day.

I'm so upset about that. I know you are. I follow your Instagram. You put a poem up, a very angry poem about it. Well, it's a lot of... I use so phony was the title of it. Yep. It's a Neruda classic.

Peter Parker. This is my poetry voice. Could you... this is my poetry voice could you whip your way into my heart upside down kissing killing your uncle not you but someone did and you had to be part of it brother

and yeah so this wedding outdoor wedding luckily what if someone went to the island and we're like yeah we're just we we went over for all this nature but we're just gonna get married in the basement of the town hall but you know like luckily there was no there was no uh instruction to wear like a suit. Like it wasn't that kind of, it was, it was more. Oh, you wore. Yeah. I wear a colorful, uh, uh, bird button up and a white jacket.

Nice. Yeah. And some slacks. Beautiful. Yeah. It was, uh, the one thing that I realized that I thought was hilarious and I've always thought was hilarious about weddings, but I forgot. And then I remember every time I'm at a wedding is that, you know, they do the exchanging of the vows. And then everybody goes over and signs a contract.

And everybody has to sit there and watch. It's like a really weird that they don't do that. Like, okay, they're married. We're going to take them away that everybody has to sit down and it's the only contract that we sign as a group that we sign in front of like our family yeah and all of our closest friends yeah but uh why why not why not sign a mortgage in front of your buds? Yeah, that's true. Yeah. What are the other great contracts of life? I mean...

A nondisclosure agreement. Yeah. Oh, that's a good one. A prenup. Yeah, we could gather everyone for the prenup. Yeah. That's more exciting. Yeah.

They do it at the wedding, too. That's part of the whole... Oh, they're signing the prenup. Will they or won't they? Yeah. They're at separate tables. I like the idea of a wedding that's a will they or won't they yeah separate tables i like the idea of a wedding that's a will they or won't they yeah where it's uh are we getting married will

will we go through with it and just create a little bit of suspense on the day there was there any suspense of this wedding uh i mean will it rain there was a little bit of will it rain the the bridal party showed up a little late so there was a little bit of willow rain the the bridal party showed up a little late there was a little bit there was also when does the bar open that was my personal suspense like well it's not open yet but uh the says sundown bar i'm not a fan of that uh sun seems like it's gonna stay in the sky a long time but uh you know what I did I got the bar opened and I got drunk it was great you signed the contract and the bar

was opened was there a DJ there was a band there was Rafi what happened at this wedding

was they were a very musical family so a bunch of people just got up and played a song so that was that was that was the

ball was that was that good like that i can see that being good or extremely not everybody was very talented so it was like all the songs like sounded like they were intended to sound which is nice um you know what i mean like you better than the alternative yeah like you can really see how something like that could go sideways yeah real, real. They started playing Let It Go from Frozen and they ended up playing Let It Go by Luba. Everyone was very confused. Neither song's appropriate for poetic. And then there was a DJ, but he played mostly reggae music. Mostly Marley?

Mostly Marley. Are they playing at this? mostly Marley mostly Marley are they playing at this but yeah it was a it was a swell

night all around had to walk down a dark island road to get back to where I was staying and that's very

there's no lights yeah they haven't got they haven't they haven't figured out that kind of stuff over there on the island. Road lights.

Yeah. Why would anyone be walking? Yeah. That's basically what they're thinking, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. So that was scary.

Lots of cars whipping around the corner. Yeah. Realizing there were, you know, people walking up the side of the road. And the cars

had their lights off as per island tradition. God, they're so cool. They would flash their lights. And if you flash your lights back, you'd get killed by one of these island gangs. Oh, yeah. Because that was part of their initiation. Yeah.

Yeah. I wonder if ever that was a thing. And that's how that got started. Not on that island. Not on that island. No. Um, the Raffies. We're the Raffies.

Uh, they'd be called the belugas, wouldn't they? Yeah. They'd be headed by Raffies. Stay yellow, banana phone. Um, yeah, so that's what I did. I went to a wedding, then I came back on a ferry again. Kids. Kids going crazy. Also, they made an announcement

on the ferry on the way there that we had just passed a bunch of humpback whales. Oh, that's cool. Why bother? Yeah. What was the announcement for? Have you ever been on a ferry where they announce you can see dolphins or orcas or anything and people actually rush over to see them? Yeah, people rushed over even though the announcement was we have passed by.

Have you ever seen anything? No. You? Maybe. I feel like I remember an announcement and I don't know if I went over. Yeah. It's you? I have seen dolphins, but I, one that was much better was when I was playing the very short-lived yuck yucks that was in Victoria.

Oh yeah. With Ryan Patterson. Yeah. And we were, we were standing in line and there was a mother and a daughter in front of us. And he was like, just apropos of nothing, there was definitely no whales. He was like, Oh,

did you guys see like the pod of killer whales like earlier? And they were like, no. And he's like, Oh, it was insane. Like 20 whales. Like it was unbelievable.

You guys missed it. And they were like, I guess so. And they, the mother were absolutely, they were devastated that they were wearing these whales shirts. Yeah. Yeah.

Orcas forever. That didn't exist. So that was, that was better than any whale. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Orcas forever. That didn't exist. So that was, that was better than any whale. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What a,

what a bad guy. Yeah, for sure. So mean. Yeah. Super mean, but funny. Oh boy.

Uh, should we move on to a bit of business? Let's call it that. Yeah. Stop podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by Squarespace. What's wrong, Squareface?

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The flying elbow. The cover. We've got a new champion. We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion. What are you going to do now, Match? I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast. Oh, yeah. Tell us more about this podcast.

It's the podcast of power too sweet to be sour funky like a monkey woke discussions man and jokes about wrestlers fashion choices myself excluded yeah i can't wait to listen neither can i you can find it thursdays on maximum fun oh yeah dig it fun oh yeah dig it overheard overheard's a segment where uh when you hear something out there who you gonna call us let's do us busters yeah um and uh john we always like to start with the do you have one i do You said you had 10. Well, I don't have 10, but I have one or four.

No. Okay. One. Okay. Because I know it's, you know, anyway, it doesn't matter. I have one. It's good. So I teach.

We've talked about this. It's a teacher thing. You wouldn't understand. Exactly. I have several t-shirts that say that. And a crew neck. Oh, cool. Yeah, it's pretty cool.

So this is, you know, when you're teaching, a lot of times your desk will be at the back of the room and students just once you're back there they don't seem to realize that you can see everything yeah that you can see and hear everything yeah you're you're active but they you're an active participant but they don't they don't see that they're like we're working stuff. We're just going to talk about whatever. And so I overheard this interaction, uh, between two kids. Uh,

one of them is, I would describe as like a, like an emo kid. Okay. You know, just like very performatively sad a lot. Uh, you know,

just really into sad music. Where's a lot of black, just doesn't talk a lot. And so he was happened to be sitting beside this girl who was like your very typical like uh tracy flick-esque uh just very peppy very uh you know a really nice girl and so uh she sits down beside the emo kid and she says you know hey how's it going and he just says ah meh could be better you know and then she's like oh geez that's too bad but hey at least the sun is out and he said the sun is not relevant

i'm on his side yeah and i think that's a great name for an emo song yeah the sun is not relevant yeah that was sunny day real estate's second album yeah good emo good emo dialogue it's great if you yeah if you're gonna be emo like just lean just lean right in i do uh yeah like the fact that i get it like the why what does the weather have to do with my mood yeah i never understood that people were like why would you live it here where it's never sunny if you wanted yeah you felt that way yeah if you if you needed if you needed sun and that was like yeah a mood adjuster for you um you know but uh vancouver is just the garbage song i'm only happy when it rains yeah yeah that's it's for those people yeah and this is a kid who probably listens to garbage dude does any kid listen to

garbage in 2019 no well she has a podcast now shirley manson yeah well what's it about she talks to other singers and and it's about weather it's a meteorological podcast their songs i would like you love her i love her uh always. Like as a performer or just attracted. Just a crush. Big crush. Yeah. Yeah. Big crush as a teen.

Yeah. And you hear her voice. Like just her. She's got like a Scottish accent. Yeah. Scottish. Irish. Scottish.

She is. She's Scottish. Yeah. But she doesn't sing Scottish. So it's fun to hear her talk it what what are you laughing at just the fact that there are very few people who sing scottish the proclaimers yeah end of list really there's the um

snow patrol are they scottish yeah but they don't sing scottish he kind of does he's got that sort of like oh no does france ferdinand sing scottish do bell and sebastian no but no green day sing english yeah they're not he sings like cockney yeah yeah true um the american all these americans over there all idiots right uh dave do you have an over here boy don't i uh this is just one like a nice it's just some graffiti i wanted to bring to everyone's attention yeah yeah and it's the fact is i've just been seeing this graffiti around a lot i remember a few years ago there was someone who would just write john cusack on everything yeah and then maybe they were the same person and they were writing joan cusack yeah yeah john and joan cusack yeah i was

writing it and uh there was a mohinder was going on i remember mohinder which was a great tag because it was just the word mohinder no style to it just big block letters yeah uh lately i've been seeing just the word boner yeah i've seen boner around yeah and then i saw boner up their game with a sticker and it was the slayer logo but instead of slayer it says boner cool and then like was the pentagram made of boners no john i'm just saying what i would have done well i'm sorry john it's just a boner sticker yeah pretty cool though yeah though. Yeah. Somebody is like really reinvesting their graffiti profits into themselves.

Yeah. Because a lot of people it's tempting to just spend those those graffiti bucks. We have. Yeah. We have our own currency.

Yeah. You put them in the Banksy. Sorry guys. This has been my fun first and last appearance on this program. That's fine.

Yeah. That worked out for the best. What's your overheard? My overheard was courtesy of the ferry. Somebody talking...

I don't understand people who talk into their phone by holding their phone away from their face. Like it's a speaker phone, but it's not on speaker phone? Yeah, that it's not on speaker phone and it was somebody who was coming out of the bathroom and they were obviously repeating something that they had already said

and they were saying yeah i mean it's already but it was a woman saying what if they don't have corn dogs that's dave going to the pne yeah yeah yeah i think it was somebody down on the car deck was like bring me a corn dog let's say there's a 99 chance they don't have corn dog i've i've had one corn dog in my life and i didn't like it you've only had one corn dog and i didn't like it likewise my life and I didn't like it. You've only had one corn dog? And I didn't like it. Likewise. Same. Because I didn't like it. Yeah.

I did. You never went back. And there's never really been like a revolution, you know? Like there's never been like a corn dog that came out and I was like, okay, maybe I got to try to get back on board. Right. Yeah. It's like, nope, same old popsicle stick. Yeah.

When I was a kid, I had a few hot dogs. I liked hot dogs. But then I didn't have them for a few years. And then Japanese hot dogs. That's true. You're right. No news in the corn dog. Yeah.

But I remember having them as a kid, loving them. I was like, this is just another way to access hot dog, which was a primary directive when I was a kid loving them i was like this is just another way to access hot dog which was a primary directive uh when i was a kid access candy access hot dog uh access orange drink graham has like a terminator display in his eyes yeah yeah target acquired corn dog i will watch uh just just to kill like a minute or two, I will watch that Terminator scene where he walks into the roadside bar. Just on a loop.

I love it. I love the waitress. They look some up and down. He's like, ooh, hey. Terminator 1 or 2? Terminator 2. Ah. Yeah.

And his eyes see every part of the guy's garments to know that it fits great does he is that the same guns and roses isn't in the movie their song is their song and then he's in the video he's in the video and his display is like target acquired axel yeah it's all canon axel's eating a corn dog hopefully the guns and guns and roses will be in the new terminator movie i was on the radio um as i was driving the car and i was listing and it never occurred to me in welcome to the jungle we got fun and games we got everything you want because we know the names what are the names oh axel what's last and the other guy and the rest steven stevens the other yeah even um yeah i don't know i don't know that i know that that

line from the song welcome to the jungle baby you're gonna die was something that somebody screamed at axel and his friend when they were on the bus in la and he was like cool cool use it yeah hell yeah welcome to the jungle baby you're gonna you're gonna die and he did and he's like you know what if we could blow a whistle behind this we will really get it going yep yep you could make that into a kid's song pretty easily welcome to the jungle well then you know you've got fun and game yeah yeah it seems seems like a fun you know the names yeah it's but it's like yeah. Seems like a fun. You know the names. Yeah.

But it's like a way of learning historical figures or something. Yeah, historical jungle animals. Welcome to the jungle babies. So that's the babies in the audience. And then you don't tell them they're going to die. They just cut that part out. Yeah, yeah. And then it's a perfect song for you. You're going to die.

But statistically, you guys are the furthest away from dying. And that's actually pretty cool. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the place if you want to send one in send it into spy at maximum fun.org uh this first one comes from miranda in chicago last summer my husband and i went to the renaissance fair in wisconsin anybody else good place for a renaissance yeah we had to cross state lines to go to this My husband and I went to the Renaissance Fair in Wisconsin. Anybody else? Good place for a Renaissance Fair. Yeah, we had to cross state lines to go to this thing. We were sitting on the bleachers.

Didn't seem very canon. We were on the backhoe. Waiting for the joust to start and listening to the family behind us talk. It seemed like a mom with her adult kids and their spouses, and they all had strong Wisconsin accents. The mom was having a long phone conversation that we couldn't hear well, but when the call ended, she turned to the group and loudly said, Well, she's mad.

Billy ate all the beef stroganoff. I'd be mad too. Yeah, all of it. meat and noodles but what if they don't have beef stroganoff yeah then what yeah then what what should i order corn dog someone at the renaissance fair what if they don't have a turkey leg it might only be cornish hen yeah i uh i've been to one when i was a teenager uh in england oh because they're everywhere you can't you can't drive anywhere without accidentally running into a renaissance pair and that's what you do you eat a turkey leg and uh a thing of grog grog yeah yeah what are the vegetarian options

um yeah yeah yeah some oats handful oats yeah um some sort of witch's brew i don't know yeah grog is vegan this is that's canon yeah vegan grog is this Eye of Newt? Vegan This next one comes from Judith G. from Likely BC Is there a comma between? Is this town actually called Likely? Yeah, Likely Or she was just on the border and she didn't know where she was

Yeah, I'm with Likely My husband and I were at a dance at the Legion. Checks out. Yeah. Likely BC's Legion. During the evening, my husband, John, went into the restroom. Yep. There was one man occupying the stall and my husband at the urinal.

When a third man walked in, the man that entered said, it smells like someone died in here. And a voice came from the stall and said, well, we didn't come in here to dance good comeback yes absolutely great comeback um i mean don't say that a bathroom smells bad yeah of course it does of course because that's what people are doing bad smelling things if it smelled good you'd eat it and you'd die that's why nature does what it does so the worse it smells the healthier i am i mean evolutionarily speaking so so you see doctor yeah i know a lot of you millennials like it like to eat out of it but this final one comes from Josh from Austin

I've been overheard of the kids say the darnedest variety I was at a baseball game and a kid around 5 or 6 and his mother was sitting behind me after two pitches the kid asked his mother in an exasperated tone how can there be nine innings of this?

You know, that's a good question. Yeah. Fair. It's a lot of innings. How many innings are there in curling? Oh, yeah. They're called ends? They're called ends.

Oh, ends. Eight or ten. Eight or ten. And both sides go. Yeah, both sides go. Both sides go, Yeah. Both sides go. Both sides go Dave. Yep. Well, it's not like baseball where three up and then the next team does three.

Both sides go. You're going at the same time. Yeah. So one person throws, then the next, then the other team, then you, then the other team. And then in the event of a tie. An extra hand. An extra hand. Extra hand.

Okay. You got it. All right. Overtime. And you got to sit there with your dart. Yeah. That's when your dart starts to get a little bit ashy. And when that cigarette's done, end of game.

End of game, that's it. Eee! Oh no, Dace having an attack. Eee! In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. I would like someone to just isolate the and you know make a song out of it make a keyboard with different welcome to the jungle that's one of the names yeah do kind of like uh one of those barking dog jingle dogs

oh yeah but just with my in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one spy pod one hi dave grant and beautiful guests this is john calling an overheard from denver i was sitting in a diner waiting for my food and there's a couple behind me in a booth having some fantastic conversation and I heard the guys say,

yeah, and if she shows up to my funeral, I've instructed several people to pull off that fake-ass hair and drag her out of the chapel. That's why you gotta prepare a will this is a reminder to everybody prepare a will otherwise those great things can't happen article e pull that weave yeah what if it turns out to be her real hair all the better yeah then you just drag her up by then you just yeah wow

I mean that's a great it's a great great decision and we honor your last and you honor us yeah

with that phone call yeah it was great he called me beautiful and his name is John yeah I mean you can't argue with that hey Dave and Graham

and guests I was just walking out of a story sorry the ac was on australia and the radio came on i'll call back oh dear oh dear oh dear oh well there we go hey dave and graham and guests hopefully that was a good bit. But I was just walking out of the grocery store and one of the cashiers said, I guess it was one of their friends. She was like, that's why I really like you. You're so adventurous.

Not like my family. They're a bunch of whiteboards. Alright, that's all I got. Bye. Whiteboards? Whiteboards. Like the things that you write on during a meeting? Not even smartboards. They're whiteboards. They're Whiteboards. Yeah. Like the things that you write on during a meeting. Yeah, yeah. Not even smartboards. Not even smartboards. They're whiteboards.

They're... Yeah. Easily erasable. Yeah. But like, you have to be careful not to use a Sharpie on them. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. Don't use a Sharpie.

They're not very adventurous. They won't let you use a Sharpie on them. I've never used one of those smartboards. Maybe I never will. I've never heard of them Until now We'll take Spy on the Road I'll bring you guys to a class one day I bet there's a generation of people who had never heard of overhead projectors

Probably They were pretty insane That you would have to have like a printed out Plastic thing Or they had like a roll of them That's right That was always the worst day When the roll got filled up And then you'd have to like

You know Wipe down the whole rolls Or you'd just scroll in And okay wipe Scroll Oh did they reuse They reused Oh yeah

Oh okay yeah I was so This is school we're talking about Throw out the rolls Yeah don't go through And wipe the whole thing You couldn't just dunk it In the toilet

You could Depend on how it smelled Yeah well we didn't come in here To dunk our rolls Yeah, to go through and wipe the whole thing. You couldn't just dunk it in the toilet. You could. Depend on how it smelled. Yeah, well, we didn't come in here to dunk our rolls. Do you ever eat dunker rolls? Yeah, I eat dunker rolls. At recess. Yeah.

Yeah. Okay, you whiteboards. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Annie calling from Texas. And I'm a nanny. And I was shopping with a five-year-old girl that I watched today. And... Oh, no.

The girl just tackled her. Hello? Oh, this is a message. Okay. Anyway. I was shopping with a five-year-old girl today, and she saw wine this way, and she screamed out to the store, Hey, look, wine, your favorite. And I heard a woman behind us in line say,

That poor child. Which is embarrassing. But not as embarrassing as dropping my phone and forgetting this was a message. Okay, bye. Hello, hello, are you still there? I dropped my phone in the toilet. Splash, splash.

Well, I was drunk off wine. That is the best. That is the only kind of phone call I want. People, drop your phones. Screw it up. You guys definitely do get a lot of people who seem to

forget how to use a phone in the middle of leaving a message. It's the best. It really is good. I'm glad that her phone was okay. Yep. Scrabble, scrabble. I'm out. Keep mine on a little leash around my wrist.

Yeah, mine are attached to a chain around my glasses. Yeah, it's all part of one ensemble that I wear everywhere I go. It gets tangled in your beard sometimes, but it's worth it. Yeah, that's fine. I don't drop my phone. And that's what it's about. So, yeah. This brings us to the end of the show, don't it?

It do! John, you're a traveling comedian. I am. You're a podcaster. Where are you going to be in September? Where can people see you? Great question. Nowhere.

Nowhere? Yeah, school starts again. Who gives a shit? School's back for fall. School's in, baby. School's in for frumpy fall. Yeah, for frumpy fall. But, yeah, if you would like to listen to my podcast, it is called Blocked Party.

Both of you have been guests. Yes. Wonderful guests. And it's so much fun. Thank you very much. What's the conceit? What is it all about? So we have a guest on every week to talk about a time that they were blocked on social media.

And so it's a blast. We have some, you know, some personal stories. Some people who like Graham, like to antagonize brands online. Yeah. It's a really fun show. I'm looking at you. Karina, you're next. Corporations are people and I just can't hurt people.

I can't hurt people's feelings. I mean, you did very nicely request that the captain spoil block. Yeah, I don't think I've been blocked. I've blocked many, many of our listeners. My main thing is if I don't block people, I mute people. If anyone replies to one of, if I write a joke on Twitter and people just write back,

Dave, I don't get what that, what they're saying, but they've been muted. So yeah, it's a very fun show. You can find us at Blocked Party Pod. It's with Stefan Heck and I'm on twitter at cullen the comic and uh dave just would like to give you a very brief update because when you were a guest on our show i revealed to the audience that when i was a child my parents referred to my penis as a duty and people got very confused about this well dave and stefan really and they were they were they referred to the women's bathroom as the duty-free store

that's not true is it no no no one calls a bathroom a store but uh duty-free for sure yeah uh so i i i told you that i would ask my parents about it and give you an update. So here's the update. Okay. My dad said that his parents called it a duty. Uh, and he knows that because they always used to tell him to stop playing with his duty. And so then they just started calling ours a duty. And that's really the whole story. It's just a very depression era name for a child.

Yeah. I mean, it's in of mice and men. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's in of mice and men. Yeah. No, like I'm going to have to go back and read all 130 pages of it. I keep my, keep a,

you know, a hand, a glove filled with lotion for my duty, for my duty. Um, well, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me guys.

It was a true honor. And it was a real treat to have you here Thank you very much And as we said off the top of the show We will be at the Calgary Library September 8th Free show, free man The central branch, don't go to your local library Don't go to your neighborhood

We're not doing a tour of libraries We're going to talk about all our favorite Decimal systems, mine's the Dewey Speaking of Deweys a tour of libraries. Well, no. We're going to talk about all our favorite decimal systems. Mine's the Dewey. Oh. Speaking of Deweys, that's also what my parents call my piece.

Stop playing with your Dewey. And thank you, everybody, for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.