Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 600 - Dave Merheje

Episode Date: September 16, 2019

Comedian and actor Dave Merheje returns to talk impressions, rock concerts, and the MTV VMAs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 600 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark, and with me as always is a man who's been putting up his 600 tree and decorating it and sending out his 600 episode cards, Mr. Dave Shumka. It's the season, we do this every 600 episodes.

Yeah. That's right. 600 episodes yeah um that's right when uh so uh yeah normally for uh our episodes that are like a multiple of 100 we do we pull out all the stops we put in extra stops this time yeah we last week we put it on you yeah pull out the stops but we um uh haven't released that episode yet as we're recording this one so so we don't know what you've done. Let's play some of our favorite things that you sent in. Oh!

Nice. That was a great little montage. Or nothing. And also, when we episode one of this show, you said it was episode one of 1200. That's right. Halfway, Mark.

We're halfway there. Yeah, we're almost done. You can see the finished line from here. Our guest today, a very funny comedian. You can see him in Calgary this coming week at the Laugh Shop. You can also catch him at JFL 42 in Toronto. And part of the Kamloops Comedy Festival, it's Dave Marhaj. Yo.

Hello. Welcome back. Thank you. Thank you. 600. Yeah. Glad we could be there for you. Glad you could be here for it.

This is your third time here? Is this third? Number three? Yeah. That's's amazing i i i thoroughly enjoy coming well you've been a big part of three episodes we uh one two hundredths of our yeah exactly we have you on every 200 episodes or so um uh should we get to know us. Yuh-huh-ka. Get to know us. Dave, how's it going? This past year has been Big Dave Mirage year. This is, you won the Juno for Best Comedy Album.

That was big. That was big. I was very grateful for that. And you also recorded, you did like a comedy special at JFL. Yeah. And it's everywhere you look. It's Dave Brosh doing things. I'm going to do magic next.

Oh, cool. Yeah. Magician. Just a weird mid career pivot. I do magic. There's not a lot of people who get into magic late and late. Like I call H club and go, look, I'm the magician now.

I'm just known as the magician. What do you mean? I go, I'm scrapping the act. I'm showing up with a deck of cards. Was that ever, as a young person, did magic hold any allure for you? Or were you like? No, I thought I wanted to be an impressionist. Mm-hmm.

Oh. And I would practice Louis Armstrong. Really? Yeah. Let me hear it. Oh, what a wonderful world. Okay. No, but really, give it to me.

What... Did you have an impression... Like, were there impressionists that you admired? Monet, Manet, tippy-tippy-day-day. Who was, yeah, who would, I think I saw Eddie Murphy do a couple. Yeah, Eddie Murphy could do them. Dave Coulier was a big force. Dave Coulier, sure.

Dana Carvey. Dana Carvey, yeah. And then. Yes, it was, it started with Fran Dresser's laugh. Oh, yeah. I would just do it in high school. and then yes it was it started with fran dresser's laugh oh yeah i would just do it in high school my friends thought it was just silly so i was like oh man you know we're gonna ask you to do it now i don't even know if i could do it i was well are you good um so did you do any impressions when you were a kid well what is that ronald reagan i don't know i don't think you can do an impression and then ask the audience

was that ronald reagan uh let's see uh it was no dana carvey was big uh so i was like george bush Bush right not gonna do it I love when impressionists go give me an impression and then they get it and then they realize they can't do what that person shouted out that's like how when the people are like

yeah where they shout out anything and they're like Roy Rogers I don't know anyone else Yeah, where they're like, just shout out anything, and they're like, Roy Rogers. And you're like, I don't know. Anyone else? We also want Roy Rogers. That's my favorite part of watching.

Did I hear Homer Simpson? Yeah. It's your favorite part of watching what? An impressionist crumble. They get ahead of themselves, I feel. It's crazy to say that out loud. Yeah. To like throw out anyone.

It's like, that's why. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Graham, do you think you could do it? If you do it, yeah, yeah, yeah. Throw out any. Fran Drescher's laugh. Eh. have you in in recent times have you worked anywhere where there was a person that was doing impressions because i haven't seen oh yeah i uh oh yeah last on saturday patrick oh yeah yeah impressions yeah those impressions yeah um and then that's it i think yeah like i on Saturday, Patrick. Oh yeah. Yeah. Impressions. Yeah. He does impressions. Yeah. Um,

and then that's it. I think. Yeah. Like I have never been to a show or like not in recent memory where somebody just like had impressions in their act. Yeah. Like a full like set of impressions. I haven't seen in a long time. It feels like it's something you did in the 80s.

I remember Jim Carrey did it. Like Jim Carrey had a comedy special. Yeah, that's right's right Sammy Davis Jr. his Sammy's amazing oh really yeah and yeah he used to

he could do James Dean just by like the face and same with Clint Eastwood and then he would do he did Clint Eastwood

and then he would do a different person and it came out as Clint Eastwood and that was the joke now Dorothy Hamill and it does

that was a great special you do Jimmy Fallon Jay Farrell am I saying it wrong he does all he does impression

oh yeah he'll do like Obama sorry Will Smith he did Jay Z right he was the guy who I feel

who like unlocked the Jay Z well no it was Eric Spears who did Jay Z on, right? Yeah. He was the guy who I feel who unlocked the Jay-Z. Well, no, it was Eric Spears who did Jay-Z on Def Comedy Jam that blew up, and he did DMX and LL Cool J. And then Jay, I think,

I don't know if they did it at the same time, but I remember seeing Eric doing an amazing Jay-Z. I think that's my favorite impression of Jay-Z. Yeah. To the T.

He was the guy. Jay does a great Will Smith, and I saw amazing Denzel. I went into a rabbit hole to the T that he was the guy. Jay does a great, then he, uh, Will Smith. And I saw amazing Denzel. I went into a rabbit hole of impressions, but Denzel is my favorite impression. When people do Denzel Washington. Oh, Washington.

Yeah. He, uh, because there's always the thing with impressions is that they say that there's one person who will unlock it. Yeah. And then everybody is doing an impression of that. Yeah.

And that's happened with Denzel. Cause I think nobody was really doing it. And then it just, and then Will Smith too, I feel was unlocked. I don't have an ear for it at all. I wish that I did. I remember like hearing an interview with Dana Carvey and he said, you just watch a tape of somebody over and over again. And then you just grab onto a word and that's how, and then you expand from there.

Yeah. It's like with a Denzel one, it's like, uh, when he does that, like a little, you know, I'll see what you're doing over there.

Like that kind of, that's what I feel he did. He unlocked, like pick a certain word and they go with it. But I would, I would, I would listen to tape or whatever and nothing. I could never.

I was like this. You went to the start of a Bill Clinton tape? Yeah. Give me the Bill Clinton speeches. I would like to do like the mob guys, like De Niro and stuff like that. I remember being young, being like, that's a cool impression to do yeah but that's also that was like a standard like like your short name is short De Niro Nicholson Nicholson yeah and then uh Scarface Pacino and then Scarface old Scar or so just Al Pacino yeah yeah they do two different impressions that's right like the Scarface one's

crazy and then it's just him. And then for a while, everybody could do the guy from Lord of the Rings. Creepy guy with the ring. Fredo? No. Froido.

Froido. I said Fredo. From the Godfather. No, what was it? Well, Graham, you went under

a number of names. Smeagol? Smeag smiegel yeah what else is he but i just remember everybody was doing that that was a hot impression of arnold too arnold was yeah to the too much yeah and then it came back yeah because he became a governator yeah but he's like he's a guy that it's genuinely fun to talk like like if you're doing an impression of him it's just fun he must have a very fun life he sounds like him all the time yeah he's very lucky that also borat must be very fun and have a very fun life yeah it's weird when there's like an impression of a character because then it's uh

it's nice do you know al pacino wanted to do stand-up, or he tried stand-up comedy? Al Pacino? At what time? Early. It was like one of the actor's studio interview. Really? And they asked him, they're like,

did you, you did stand-up? And then he was like, yeah, I did stand-up. He, if he had continued, he would be the craziest stand-up whoever lived. And that's a that's a yeah pretty uh lofty goal but just his the way that he acts words and weird choices that he makes as an actor if he did that all on stage as a stand-up comedian even now he's like his speech is like a lot slower i think that's i was just blown away i was not blown away i was I think that's, I was just blown away. I was not blown away. I was just like, that's hilarious. Yeah.

He should just come out right now. Just drop a special on Netflix. I would just watch that, that Duncacino song he does in Jack and Jill. Yeah. They just made a, like, that would be the big closing.

Just like a sketch show of just, of just Al Pacino. Al Pacino hosts like a variety show. just Al Pacino. Al Pacino hosts like a variety show? Yeah, yeah. Yeah, that would be pretty good. With, you know,

Dolly Parton. Yeah. On today's sketch. Just super intense in every sketch. Just so super. We're going to throw to our sponsors.

Yeah. What? What? I didn't know he said that. Matthew McConaughey is a big one. People do. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That one and Christopher Walken, I feel like overdone. Yeah. And, like, I was like, Christopher Walken never quite sounds like the impressions. And then I watched Pulp Fiction over the weekend, and that's where that. Oh, it came from? Well, like, the crazy, like, ah, ah, that that thing that he does he does it a lot in that scene of all fiction dude matthew mcconaughey and ever see we we are marshall that football no

oh man you just gotta just it's just him being he's it's like based on a true story yeah but him as an inspirational coach i just can't get imagine that you were the coach and then you find out they're making a movie about you and then you find out they're making a movie about you and then you find out you're being played by matthew mcconnell you'd be like looks wise sure yeah yeah yeah good for me but uh was i that much of a surfer dude yeah you guys um he's teaching a course now matthew monaughey masterclass like in some kind I don't know what the course is

but it's somewhere in Texas maybe that's right oh it's not like one of those masterclasses no he's like a professor has anyone done any of those masterclasses

I think I know people who have the ones that are advertised on yeah like act with Kevin Spacey I don't think anybody's doing those anymore

that might have gotten chilled I was in here people are just tired of him as well act with Kevin Spacey. I don't think anybody's doing those anymore. That might have gotten chilled. I didn't hear. People are just tired of him as well. Oh, yeah. Yeah, no, I haven't. But I'm curious about, there was one, like Steve Martin was one, banjo playing with Steve Martin.

Oh, like a class? No, you know those master class ads on Facebook? Like like learn how to write with uh aaron sorkin or yes they did one with what's his name had one steve martin steve martin had one oh oh yeah yeah yeah my bad would you ever do one of those he depending on the teacher yeah yeah just to see how it's got to be crazy no way way. I'm just saying I went to the website. Okay, well. How do I... Joyce Carol Oates

teaches the art of this short story. Simone Biles teaches gymnastics. I can't... That's crazy. I'm learning gymnastics from a video.

Aaron Franklin teaches Texas-style barbecue. Cool. That's something I feel like you could learn from a video barbecue yeah yeah yeah i mean better than gymnastics uh dave did you go to university at all or were you straight into stand-up comedy right out of high school no i wanted to be a radio dj oh yeah go to school

be a radio dj in sarnia my mom didn't let me. She goes, you have to stay in Windsor. And then I went to college. Okay. My best friend at the time was like, I'm taking a year off. I was like, cool, I'll go to college. I'll take some course. And then when you get here, I'll drop out of that course. It's the dumbest thing ever.

I was like, just make a new best friend. That's what I should have done. No, you and your best friend hatched a real scheme but this guy so i take advertising and realize halfway through it's so tough and you have to be really dedicated obviously and i did all right so then hugo was like i'm coming in to take marketing i go okay i told my teacher i was like yo i'm not coming back next year he goes goes, why? I go, Hugo, my boy. And I told him the plan. He's like, what? Okay, man.

And then I went into marketing and Hugo only went half the semester. And then it was rocked out. Hugo? Yeah. And then I graduated with a marketing diploma from St. Clair College in Windsor. Really? Yeah. Wow.

Yeah. All for love. All for love. The love of Hugo. All for love of All for love. The love of Hugo. Mom and Hugo. Yeah. Where did Hugo end up? He does something with the youth now. He's married with kids.

He does something with the youth. Okay. It's like teaching or inspiring. I see like long Facebook posts. He's doing a master class. He's teaching a master class. Teaching inspiration. There are so many of these

some of them are actually like yeah okay like actually most of them I'm like yeah sure yeah I would learn I would learn electric guitar

from Tom Morello yeah or film scoring from Hans Zimmer yeah also it doesn't even have to be like entertainment it could be anything

yeah oh that's wild well for the most part it's like the people are famous so yeah they're entertainers uh but chris hadfield teaches space exploration i mean where where where else are you gonna learn space exploration but can i go to space can i show up at nasa and be like I took this course you can put a cardboard box on top of your washing machine and take a lot of drugs

and Reba McEntire teaches country western singing country music yeah yeah but there has to be a screening process right

like if I can't sing I can't take her class or can I you can't anybody can no no I don't think you are interacting with her I don't take her class or can I? You can't anybody can No, no I don't think

you are interacting with her I don't think she's like Dave Mirage is having trouble singing so we gotta

Reba we need you to cut your weekend short We're gonna bring in Dave's friend Hugo Hopefully he can help out.

Have you ever used your marketing skills that you learned at all? Or is that just something that you did? And then you're like, goodbye forever. Yeah. I didn't really. Yeah. Well, you know, they, part of it is like, they taught you the psychology of like how you lure people in with props.

Yeah. That part was creepy. Cause I was like, oh man, you can people in with products yeah that part was creepy because i was like oh man you can really mess with people's heads uh and i just was it never excited me but then i would use it for comedy like if i'm marketing shows you would lure people in yeah you'd be like get them to like my brand if it's real or not you know oh yeah yeah yeah create yeah uh who is this dave maha yeah um you know find out for yourself uh this uh like do you uh do you do all your own social media or do you have a do you have somebody that does that no i'll pay for like ads and stuff like that myself i'll hire i've hired a publicist a few times and then had like promoters and stuff like that that's how you

got on this show yeah that publicist really your publicist talked to our publicist our publicist is uh we gotta go

we had a publicist for a short time yeah for yeah for a one off thing yeah and it worked pretty well yeah

we ended up on the cover of a thing and that newspaper went out of business soon thereafter that's true that's true but you know what we made it that uh newspaper went out of business soon thereafter that's true that's true uh but you know what we made it before before it went out of business still counts that's

great yeah um and that you're uh you're living in new york but you're traveling a lot right yeah yeah are you mostly on the road i'll be in new york for like two months and i'll dip out for three months. I think it's been going like that since 2017. Like when I got there, I had to go back to Canada for some and I was gone

for like three months. Right. And then I came back for like two months. So it's a bunch of that for the last two years. And like, you've got a residence there?

Yes, I have a spa and then, but I, the American show, I'm on films in New York so last year

tell us about this show it's a show called Rami and it's it's coming to Crave I think in September yeah it's September now

yeah yeah yeah oh yeah so it'll be this month it's on Hulu in the States and then it's on Stars in the UK

so they Hulu is Canada elusive. We can't grab onto Hulu up here. They won't have us. But Crave, now it's on Crave, and yeah, they film in areas in New York, so that was very helpful.

And what is the show? It's about, it's like loosely based on his life, not like everything's, it's not autobiography, it's just like parts of it. So it's like this Muslim guy and his like friends,

but he's also trying to follow his faith. Like, you know what I mean? He's like a millennial. Like he's just trying to find the right way. Right. And it shows like Muslim faith in a positive manner. As opposed to the stuff you see in the movies

where it's like, you hear that sound like, and then then something explodes you're like jesus you ever see the movie the siege i thought you were doing your denzel impression no so this one shows him just being like wanting to be uh uh faithful wanted wanted to show his faith so you get scenes in the mosque him praying okay all in a positive manner

and then also him his I play one of his friends just like three of us me, Mo, and Steve and I'm trying I'm married and I don't do drugs

I don't I don't drink and I just follow the faith so I'm trying to get him to get married stuff like that it's showing that too usually like in sitcoms it's like the friends being like, dude, you got to cheat on your wife.

You got to just have sex with a bunch of chicks. This is more. I love this show. I like that show. I'm writing that show now. I'm doing the opposite. I like this character. He's a rascal.

Do you like acting? yeah I've always wanted to do stand up then act it was always the plan well radio DJ radio DJ yeah that's true you know what it was I was like I think I'd listen to the radio stations in Detroit because we get them in Windsor and they were just so

fun and they were like loud and intense and I was like yo man I have so much and I get to listen to rap so I think that was in my head for like a year I was like, yo, man, I have so much. And I get to listen to rap. So I think that was in my head for like a year. I was like, if I could be a radio DJ and just listen to rap music, I'd be happy. That would solve everything. That would solve everything.

It would take all my problems away. Because, yeah, I always assumed that at some point I would do some acting and then I tried auditions and i was like oh i'm bad at this like and and i don't have the desire to get good at it i'm not gonna take a master class oh really crazy well you know what if reba did an acting one okay all right well i think classes are so tough though i'll them? Yeah I took like last This year Two in the last like year Really?

Just yeah Mr. D helped me like Get in front of a camera And not be as nervous And then from there I took a class And then I did the First season of Rami

And then last Just a few In April I took more classes Cause I you know What goes on in an acting class? Yeah yeah yeah I've never oh we were doing like

Reba is like okay she puts down her guitar okay puts on her colonel outfit

we had to do a Denzel scene they don't tell you where the scene's from okay they give you a script and like it's one to three pages

right and you're supposed to memorize it and then you go in the next day and then they do different exercises. So it's formed around that scene. You do the scene at the beginning where he records it. We play it. Everyone plays theirs for the class.

And then you go and start building exercise, learning inner monologue and stuff. So the second program, the second level, I remember, um, it was all dramatic ones and one comedic one, but this one, I knew what the script was. I remember, um, it was all dramatic ones and one comedic one, but this one,

I knew what the script was. It was, uh, it was a Denzel and I, I go, that's Denzel. And then he's like,

the, the, my buddy who knows the acting teacher was like, how'd you know that? I go, it's,

uh, John, John Q. Do you remember John Q? I don't remember. Like, yeah, they need to get a transplant for his kid

and I was like this is I've always wanted to do the Denzel scene I'm ready for this all the other stuff screw that it's all leading to this

this is me this is leading to this and I bombed man it is hard to be Denzel especially because then I'm I'm like

of course I'm not going to get this one I don't don't have a child. I don't know that feeling. Right. Don't know to hold up a hostage with a gun. That's probably the easier of the two to get the practical experience.

Yeah. It was nuts, man. I tanked that scene so badly. How do you know that you tanked it? He didn't capture the emotions, man. When he's like just even the nuances everything and then you go watch the scene you're like oh shit this dude's a master yeah and he's just getting nailing everything right i didn't evoke i just couldn't get it

and then i think he the code the teacher was just like this scene barely people get him in this is like oh this is this is i threw you into the deep end yeah yeah this guy's been but only because i believe in you that's right yeah i'm hard on you because uh because i love you yeah i thought you could handle it i was wrong but you know i thought you could handle it um anyway good luck with the acting. That does sound so scary to have to like go and do, do emotions in front of. Yeah. Dude, it's so, I was so nervous, obviously.

It is very, and you failing in front of them, like, but you're also being so emotional. Yeah. You have to go sit down on the chair next to someone. Like, it's just like the chairs and you're just watching another person. It's like, if you cried, like I remember somebody cried and they have to sit next to you.

It's just like, you're evoking a lot. Yeah. Then you just leave and go get a sandwich after and you got to do it again the next day. That part sounds pretty good. Yeah. That part's always awesome. Yeah.

Cry into my sandwich. You can usually get a discount because they're like, have you been crying? You're having a bad day. And is like acting class like that's an ongoing, like you continue to do that throughout your career? I want to, yeah. Just so it's not disrespectful, man. You know what I mean?

It's like, who do I think I am to come in and be like, yeah, I'll do this acting thing. I just want to be, have some grasp of it. But isn't that like, don't you hear that story a lot about the actor that came in and doesn't have any. You do. Yeah.

And then he comes in and eats an apple during his audition. And it was like, wow, he was going to revolutionize apples. This guy. And then, you know, it turns out it was Vin Diesel.

No, I think Vin Diesel would have done that. He suplexed someone and they're like, this guy's got it. Do you like cars, Vin? And that actor? Yeah.

Vin Diesel. Vin Diesel. I needed this apple because family is so important. Family is all we have. He came in, muttered his lines, ate an apple, couldn't understand a thing he was saying but he was so big and bald so van you're just gonna say family is important for seven fast and the furious uh yeah um i uh yeah i think acting i don know, it's just very scary to me.

Anybody who can do it. Do you show anyone any emotion ever? No, I try not to. I try to keep it bottled up. That's the way I was taught. Bottle up your emotions, push them down as deep as possible. And I just hope they stay there. Well, where would they go?

Yeah. And I just hope they stay there. Where would they go? Is this show, like, do you get recognized from the show? Has it been a boost? Yeah. Like, I'm not as, obviously, as much as the creator and the main person, Rami. Like, Rami gets noticed probably all the time.

I'll get noticed here and there in the States, even in Canada too. Yeah. You know, a lot of it is like, you know, people are pirating Hulu. Yeah. The VPNers out there, but people,

but it's not like they want to conversate after it. Cause it's like, it means a lot to them. Like being someone moving from, from an, from the middle East and trying to like live and make it in Canada or the US. So they, they relate to that so there's a lot

of discussion but I'm like Christian Canadian I play the most dedicated Muslim on that show so I kind of don't say it

sometimes I'm just like oh cool and they'll invite me to like iftars like to pray sometimes I get the opposite people think

I'm Christian and I'm Muslim oh that's weird yeah that's very very strange pray sometimes. Oh, I get the opposite. People think I'm Christian and I'm Muslim. That's weird. That's very, very strange. That was a joke. Yeah.

I, I'm sorry, but it's, it must be strange to have people come up because that must happen a lot to actors. Like people come up and be like, I love the character that you play. I love the show that you're on. And you're like,

I don't have any, like, I have no ties that much. Like I just show up on the, and I learned my line. Yeah. I play a doctor. So people are like,

can you look at this? Yeah. You know, people will be like, where's your doctor out? Somebody yelled at me that I go, what? Where's your doctor out?

I was like, hey, easy, man. I mean, where's your stethoscope? Sure. But, somebody yelled at me that i go what is your doctor i was like hey easy man i mean where's your stethoscope yeah but last few times i've gone to the doctor i mean i'd say most every time i've gone to the doctor no white coat no no i'm saying then yeah street clothes yeah like you know professional clothes my doctor wears the white really yeah

I haven't seen that do you go to a hospital yeah I go to a hospital I just go to the emergency every time my doctor I used to go to the emergency all the time

I went to them all the time for like anxiety oh really they would like strap me up and they got so mad at me it was at Bathurst

and Dundas in Toronto they'd be like you came here yesterday. Like it was just like bad. Yeah. And then once I thought I was having a brain aneurysm, which I, I'm an idiot.

I wasn't. And I waited for an hour to see the doctor and he came in and he goes, uh, walks over to me. My girlfriend was me at the time and she's sitting behind him and he goes, uh, so, uh,

you, you think you have a brain aneurysm yeah and i go oh yeah he goes uh do you know what i do here and i go uh yeah he goes yeah i'm a fucking doctor you don't have a brain aneurysm and he laughed and it was so quiet with me and my girl and And my girl goes, I told you. She was like so silent, but he was so pissed. He needs to take a master class in bedside manner. Yeah, no kidding.

Jesus. Just walking. Do you know what I do? Well, I hope you're a doctor. I hope you're not somebody who's just shown up. I'm a guy who found a lab coat. But can you imagine a guy looking at that board? You know, they look at it from the door. So he pulled it up.

He goes, brain aneurysm. And he's walking and talking. How pissed you would be. Yeah. Uh, but you had, you'd convinced yourself.

It was like a year where I thought I was having a heart attack every day. I was just battling badly with depression and anxiety, but I just didn't know how to, I was so scared because I didn't know what to do. So I was constantly going to this hospital. And they were like, did they not refer you somewhere? Like, okay, well,

I think I have a fatal gunshot wound to my head. Do you know what I do here? I like the fatal part. There is a bullet lodged into my head. And I'm dead. I'm a dead man now. I think I'm a ghost. Yeah.

Which way to the morgue? Are you in a better place with all that stuff now? Oh, yeah. This was like, because, you know, when I was like 19, no, I was like 22. I did ecstasy for a while and then i i didn't know anything about serotonin and then i started to get anxiety and i was like tripping i was like what is this man it's over yeah i was going to the doctor and they were just trying to pull me on prescription pills so it was you're like i only take ecstasy

i told the doctor this is a light version of a bad ecstasy pill I had. And he goes, don't say that. Yeah. I'm not a drug dealer. I'm a doctor. Stop comparing what I do to some guy you met. My,

this is, bless my uncle's soul. He's dope. But my mom was so paranoid and like, she's like, oh my God, my son does drugs now. I'm like,

mom, it's just fine. I'm not going to do it anymore. She goes, well, you're going to, maybe if you talk to your uncle, I go,

uh, uncle Sarkis. She's like, yeah, he's a, but I'm like, he's recovering from heroin. What is he going to?

So my mom set it up where I was. It's like a masterclass in drugs. it's like a masterclass. Dude, it was on a picnic bench or yeah, in the backyard of my grandmother's house. And then he's like a master class. Dude, it was on a picnic bench. Or yeah, in the backyard of my grandmother's house. And then he's like, I understand what you're going through. Sometimes I'll be walking down the street and I'll just see something.

Like he said something that I was like, I don't do that. I'm not even close, man. I just went to an after hours spa and got back rubs from people. That's all my mom set me on a pacifier i was like oh man i think that woke me up for sure i go i 100 percent like get that like that feeling of like oh yeah if you do the most minor drugs you are a drug addict yeah yeah she was tripping out so much as we were kids

because she's like don't do that so it's like very you know even weed till this day she's like she like is like the end of the world but if i have a headache and i take more than one ibuprofen in a day i'm like all right well opioid crisis is coming for me back on the wagon uh yeah i will do that with vicodin i took Vicodin for a while. I was like, that is not something. That and Percocet. I was like, I could see completely how people get hooked on this. Yeah.

What an awful, what a crazy feeling. But this is just not, this could not end well. Yeah. And it's like, people take them, it feels like people take them all the time recreationally. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, there's this song about Percocets that's uh i know there's a percocet cambion when i have sex with tiger woods does he take it too or is it just no it's just to put me out wasn't that his thing was that he took he and the partner would

like they would oh nice do some kind of sleepy sex that's a good sleepy sex time but like is Ambien also

the drug that Roseanne blamed her I don't like racist tweets on I also don't know if it was Ambien but I just wonder

is that drug getting unfairly blamed for all sorts of bad behavior? No, I know some good people who just take it to take a nap. Yeah. I blame any, like, I don't, I blame it if I, you know, have some bad tweets. Just like unpopular tweets. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

That don't get very many likes. Just like not very many retweets. Yeah. Sorry, guys. This was a, that was a Percocet. Yeah. Percs. What's the song about Percocets?

Oh, it's, well, it's every rap song I want. It was like all about Percocets and Mollies. And it was like people were dying. Rappers were dying and the people went on this campaign to quit. But rap turned into a very like Percocet, Molly. Before, they talked about selling the drugs and there was now that's that we're taking the drugs it was that switch in rap music for a while and when i was a kid it's all just weed yeah they just sold you coke and they

didn't really you never heard a rapper go i'm on molly you're like what yeah did you say fat joe what did you say fat yeah where did you come from What did you say, Fat Joe? Where did you come from? Where did you go? Is Fat Joe still with us? Oh, yeah. He had a hit two years ago. Good.

He's still in there. He was in jail for tax evasion, though. Like seven, eight years ago. Huh. Yeah. Huh. So that's like a, that's a weird, it's a weird space for a rapper

to be in prison for tax evasion because then, is he in like a pretty white collar prison? Well, his accountant stole money from him and it was bad. I could, like,

yeah, I don't think he probably was paying attention. Who does? Maybe sometimes you hire someone and you don't know what they're doing that's true my accountant's been running me roughshod yeah my accountant's been trying to evade taxes my accountant spelled my name wrong on the form that he said i knew it was a bad sign yeah he spelled my last name wrong i go it was like m-e-r-h-j-i yeah yeah that's how we spell that's how we spell it when we release the episode thank you they've merged shout out to my account um but like uh who's who's it that recently went to jail for tax evasion was uh snipes no no i, he did, but no, the guy from the Jersey Shore.

Oh, yeah, the situation. Yeah. Is there like a, you have to be a certain amount of rich to evade taxes? I think so. Because otherwise, like, you know, like, you're probably evading them because you don't have the money. Yeah. But like, otherwise, then it's not evasion. It's just you're broke

yeah you're like please a lot of these people don't even and they just don't like like they don't know that they take 30 or whatever they're like oh if you give me a million dollars that's all mine yeah no man the government so then they just go spend it and they buy cars or whatever and then the government comes around and they're like well i'm going to jail yeah yeah so that happens a lot especially in rap and i think in in uh sports too sports yeah documentaries about it it's crazy yeah there's not a lot of but that's the thing in in general there's no education around finance you don't know they don't teach you anything never i didn't even know how to like when i first moved out uh i didn't know how to. Never. I didn't even know how to like, when I first moved out, uh, I didn't know how to write a check.

I didn't know where, same, what thing went where, or that you had to write out the, they should have taught me that instead of gym. Yeah. I was playing dodgeball for fucking five months. You could have taught me about my taxes.

That is, yeah. Why am I doing this? Yeah, it's weird, right? There's maybe like an accounting, specifically an accounting class you could take in high school. Yeah. And there's, but there's also the.

But there was like, you know, career prep. Yeah. And it was all just like, here's how you write a resume. It was nothing like, you're going to do a lot of freelance work. Take a third of that money and put it in a different account because the government's going to want it at the end of the year yeah and also uh here's what an invoice is and here's how to here's what small claims court looks like and have you had to do that uh yeah a long time ago i had a, I never went through with it because the amount was too small.

Oh, boy. Tiny claims court? Yeah, I needed an even smaller. Where you go to small claims court and then there's a little tiny door and you go through that. Like a dog door? But I had my own, like I cleaned restaurants. And one of the guys that I was cleaning restaurants for wasn't paying yeah and so then i like i was i called somebody at small claims court and i was like how do you do this and they were like for the amount you're

after it will cost you more in fees right then so just take it just go throw a garbage can through his window I forgot to tell you that my accountant's name was Cushy that's a bad sign did he spell that right? I hope so

was it just Cushy? yeah I'm Cushy he makes me meet him at Starbucks at his office Was it just cushy? Yeah. I'm cushy. He makes me meet him at Starbucks. Not his office. Oh, my office is filthy. The cleaners are there now.

We're not going to pay them. No, I think it's common. Starbucks is now every... That's where everybody meets. People will meet anywhere. But he would meet with me, tell me this is how me, tell me, this is how much you owe me, this is how much you owe the government. I'd, like, take the envelope and whatever. And then he'd be like, and he'd be like, so, how are you?

How's things? I go, we're not talking. Yeah, we're not on a date. This is not a buddy moment. I owe the government $17,000, dude. I'm not going to talk to you after. I'm going to share a scone with you. Get out of here. I have to go figure my life out. Yeah,000, dude. I'm not going to talk to you after. I'm going to share a scone with you. Get out of here.

I have to go figure my life out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give me that whole scone. Cushy, God damn it. Now, you, do you have to pay, do you got to pay two governments? Two governments. That's what I'm dealing with now. Because Cushy messed up so bad, I've been paying.

I had to go back and pay since 2015. Cushy. It was like, I would say, close to 20K or over so far amount of money I put down in taxes. This guy's a bad accountant. He was awful. Yeah. Well, I got a new one and they had to clean it up. So I realized I owed so much.

I've legit been paying taxes since April. It just seems like every month they're like, this is the new bill. Here it is. I'm like, man. There you go. Will you be able to use this experience in some sort of acting scene? Now you have access to this experience. How would Denzel react to this?

I'll tell you this and you guys can watch it later and make fun of me, which I'm all for, is when I was in Toronto, and this comedian friend of mine was like, man, I'm taking acting classes. Because I would rant on stage. He goes, I think you should do it. It would work out for you. I go, I guess. So I went down. And the teacher, I'm pretty sure was on Coke. Right.

And then when I was waiting for him. Sounds like the right, not Percocet area. Right. Right. These Russian guys come out of his office and I go in to do my audition for him, which is already. But I get in there and he gives me a David Mamet, Glengarry. Remember Glengarry? This guy gives me that to do

the Alec Baldwin scene yeah yeah so I do it as me like as me ranting yeah

and it's the worst thing you ever like you see this watch like it's so bad and then were you wearing a watch no

I was wearing a Tootsie Roll shirt. I didn't even put on a suit. It's on YouTube. And I, why is it on YouTube? Because the guy back then convinced me. He's like,

you know, it's like showing people that like we're working through it. And like you built to get to a point. I was dumb. I, and then I realized the arrogance to think I could tackle of Alec Baldwin's crazy scene. But also it's such like an iconic thing.

They shouldn't give you that. They shouldn't. Yeah. Yeah. It's on the internet now. An obscure John Q scene. Yes. Dude,

it was so bad. It's on, it's on YouTube now and then we'll play it. And we'll just, you know what, we're just going to start you off with, you're Darth Vader. You're telling Luke that you're his dad.

You're in a sword fight with him uh well i will watch this yes you have to it's so bad but only because i like tootsie rolls that's why i love the shirt yeah i like the shirt but but like uh sometimes you yeah you do a thing and then it gets up on YouTube and then you're not the one who put it up, so you can't take it down. No, and now I think it's just comical. In my head I was like, this is hilarious. Just the idea of that. Just so you know, Dave, all the money we make from advertising on this video, that money is going to have to go to the Russian mobsters who are just here. They're the ones who set up the camera. Yeah.

There's also a few hidden cameras. They're watching it laughing in Russia. You're like a huge star in Russia. Do Glengarry. Do Glengarry Ross. It's Tootsie Roll, everybody. Yeah, where's your Tootsie Roll shirt? Dude, if I went to Russia and I was huge off of Glenn Gary Ross,

it would be the best, man. Yeah. Would you relocate? If you found out that you were famous in another country, would you go live in that country? At least for a year. Yeah. You got to reap the benefits of that.

Soak it up a bit. Hit the bricks and beat it. Because you are going out. Nice. Good read. Thank you. I yell at my kids uh what kind of car do you drive yeah what's your name fuck you that's my name you know why you drove here in a Hyundai.

What's going on with you, Dave? Well, lately I've been going out. Since we've had kids for the last, oh, five years, I didn't like going out before. Yeah. It's not because of the kids, but anytime we tried to go out and like gotten two tickets to something, I've been like,

okay, yeah, maybe we'll get a babysitter or ask family. And we never do. And usually we'll both just bail. Right. Oh, really? This is a mutual thing.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Well, we enable each other. You didn't really want to go to this. No, did you?

No. That's hilarious. So now what I've been doing is I've just been buying one ticket to things Right And so far I've gone to things I went to a comedy show a few weeks ago Left of the intermission Yep

Because you were tired or the comedy was bad? I guess I was tired Okay The comedy wasn't bad but I like I knew going in I'm like i'm gonna probably sneak out at some point yeah yeah yeah say i went out you know what you're by yourself that's your option exactly yeah um and then i went to a uh like a rock concert uh last week yeah and it was very i hadn't been to like a concert in a club in a long time where no one gets to sit down.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. You went right into it. Oh, yeah, I went right into the pit. Yeah. It was very weird. I went to a band called Generationals, and they're a rock pop band. And I didn't really know much of their music. I've heard a few of their songs, and I like, oh yeah, they're coming to town.

Oh, they're playing the Fox, which is really a small place to see a band. I was like, oh, that'll be interesting. I've never seen a show there. So I went and as I was there, I was like, huh, this music all kind of sounds like a cell phone commercial. Yeah, but that's where the money is now

for you know if you're a band you want to be if you're a country band you want to be in a truck commercial yeah if you're a pop band cell phone yeah and i was like what where did i first hear this band and i think this was like i think I discovered them through an algorithm suggesting music for me. Right. So this was a weird kind of realization where I'm like, I'm being marketed at. Yeah, without even having that sense. So this algorithm on Spotify was like, you'll like this. And I did.

And I went to this. I was in a room full of people. Because I was like, well, I've never heard another person talk about this band. Maybe I'll be the only one there. Yeah. Yeah. Do you listen to music on Spotify? On Apple.

On Apple. Do you do like, is there the same thing? Because Spotify will make these playlists. Yeah. But they don't make a playlist for me. Yeah, exactly. Oh,

they do it on Spotify. They do that on Spotify. That's why I would jump over to Spotify. I think that's, I like that. I like it too, but it's weird because you're like, I never heard of any of these artists.

And then the music starts playing. I'm like, it's pretty good. They know me. Like you think they're market, like they do know you, but also they're sliding in. They seem to know,

but I don't know how they know so well. That's creepy. Yeah. Like they'll, they'll play a type of music that's, yeah, like I've never heard of, but I'm like instantly like, yeah,

this is pretty good. I like that. They will know what i already listened to and then when new music comes out they'll just be like here's a new song from a band you sort of like yeah yeah yeah and you you decide whether you like it but is it that's like the comfortable side of marketing where it's yeah but it is a little scary yeah they drew me to this room that's true they got me to go to a place yeah they by myself a second location yeah but i got a lot of like uh virgin mobile rewards for

uh but yeah it was nice uh like and then i left early yeah this is my wife and i walked home and uh you know had a slice of pizza yeah the algorithm knew you'd do that pretty fun night yeah but you're getting out though that's the important part yeah it's getting out there mixing it up meeting a lot of people did uh talk to a single person were there people didn't recognize anyone did they dance anybody was dancing at this show i was it's such a small room. Yeah, but that doesn't mean that people won't, uh, Maybe there were, but like, it's also just a flat room where, like, I couldn't see any of the band below their shoulders. Like, it was just, I couldn't see anyone other than the three people in front of me.

Right. There were a lot of, there were some people doing like that kind of like a bro thing where, uh, we're just, we're not really dancing, but we'll do a funny dance for 10 seconds. The lazy dance. Yeah. Half lazy. I know what you mean. Yeah. You don't want to put your whole soul into it.

No, exactly. You don't want to let people know that you're there. You're not, yeah. You're not auditioning for a dance class. Uh, what was the last concert you went to? Shit. Has it been a while? No.

Why am I not remembering? Because the algorithm. The algorithm didn't get. Damn it, man. Well, didn't leave a lasting impression on you. I think the one I remember is 2013. I went to the OVO Festival in Toronto. You haven't been to a concert since 2013.

I probably have. I don't know why I'm not remembering. This is embarrassing. Who did you see in 2013? It was Drake. Drake brings everyone out. Puff Daddy was there. Mace.

Little Wayne Weekend. Really? The old school gang. It was everyone nuts. It was the craziest. It was the best old school gang it was everyone nuts it was the craziest it was the best I think it was the best reaction of that night

it was like watching like because Puffy came out first and then he brought up that's gotta be kind of a fun stage of a career

where you could just show up places and people are like yeah they were like and they haven't been on stage together and they were beefing

that was another backstory to us people didn't think they were like, and they haven't been on stage together and they were beefing. That was another backstory to us. People didn't think they were still talking and stuff like that. I don't think I've ever been to a concert with a backstory. Although, I'm not writing it off as a possibility,

but that sounds great. Although, Guns N' Roses, it was a good backstory. Well, like every movie, band in a movie, it's like, you know, will they do this concert?

Because there's so much stuff going on. Right. I went to see, now it's coming back to me. Here we go. It was one of the Odd Future guys. Oh, yeah. And then Tyler, the creator. We were so late that we caught maybe three songs.

And Tyler, the creator, came out at the end as a surprise. So that was like 2015, maybe. Okay, here we go go it's all creeping back to you now 2016 i would say and not a show since then it's probably gonna creep yeah we're gonna get more don't worry we're not going anywhere we're here for some kind of guided hypnosis yeah what about you last concert yeah it was uh the one I talked about last week Orville Peck

oh right yeah uh no wonder he can't remember the last concert I can't remember the last podcast

I did um and at that concert there was a lot of people dancing there were a lot of people but like

weird I don't know it's weird what songs people decide to dance to cause like there was a lot of people dancing. There were a lot of people. But like, weird, I don't know. It's weird what songs people decide to dance to because like, they were up for the fast jam song and then it turned to a slow jam

was the next song and they were still in dancing mode. Were they slow dancing? Yeah, they started slow dancing. Pair it off.

That'd be pretty cool. If a concert, if everybody just paired off like a... Yeah. It came back to me here we go 2017 here we go

New York Queens I saw Nas I've always wanted to see Nas went to see Nas in Queens it was amazing

but then Red Hot Chili Peppers came on after what blew my mind what best thing I've ever what kind of was it a festival

yeah it was out like Action Bronson was there some of the Wu-Tang were were there but red hot chili peppers was amazing yeah like i thoroughly enjoy i was like sing i can't sing i was trying to mouth the word neither can he hits but i don't know i'm not a fan like per se like i don't follow them but i was like wow this is amazing see i've always i've always liked them i always like the red hot i don't follow them but i was like wow this is amazing see i've always i've always liked them i always like the red hot chilies i like them it was great man it was that

was the last concert yeah it was a wild it was like man that that was worth the money there was a show i went to like a long time ago and uh i can't remember who the headliner was because the opening act blew everybody's ass off and they were called google bordello oh yeah and they were so high energy and crazy they were from hungary eastern block somewhere yeah and uh they just like did this like high like the highest energy show like the headliner must have been like oh shit like uh okay only the classics we're doing only the. But you don't remember the headliners then? No. No, I only remember Gogol, Berdillo,

like blew them off the stage. Did people, do you remember the people being like not receptive to the headliners? Were people walking out on them or they just were there to do what? They just saw, like everybody was so in a daze after the opening performer that the first, it took the headliner like three or four songs

to like get the audience on on track like people were like more of that crazy no i'm reba mcintyre i'm gonna do what i do i'm gonna do a scene yeah i'm gonna do what I do. Oh boy. So yeah, I went to a music concert and it was fun. Yeah. What's up with you? Myself?

Every year, I make it a point, make it a tradition to watch the MTV VMAs and sit there and go i don't know i don't know who these i don't know who these people are that's amazing starting when 2000 uh i mean for sure the last three or four years i've watched it and just been like so okay take me through this year's. So this year it was hosted, first of all, the MTV VMAs, the most ungrateful crowd when it comes to a host. It's just like the host comes out and it's tweens screaming. Like there's no point in delivering a joke. No. But it was. Sebastian, yeah. I was trying to find the footage of what happened.

He just comes out and he's telling jokes and it's tweens screaming their heads off. The kids are so excited that they're about to see Lizzo. Sure. It's the most thankless job in show business to host that show. Yeah. People, Twitter was being rude and stuff but i didn't twitter's always been yeah they're all but classic twitter did the other people laugh like the entertainers i don't or is it was just you it's like imagine going like imagine doing a set at

like one of those child like uh like a play park yeah like where kids are jumping on trampolines and like going into a ball pit. And you're just like, anyways, so I bought a house. What's the deal with Halsey? Yeah. What is it, Sebastian? Just got a house.

Look at these guys. Yeah. And it was very funny because, yeah, you're just like, I'm sure the gig pays really well. these guys. Yeah. And it was very funny because, uh, yeah, you're just like, I'm sure the gig pays really well. And that's why you say yes to it.

I mean, he was shitting on the kid, right? Like, wasn't he shitting on the kids? He was, he was saying, he was saying like some of the safe spaces or something.

And I was like, I was like, well, I don't think this is going to get the kids that are there. But it would, it's just, it's one of those things, like, it would not have mattered what he came out and did. Like, it's just like, kids are there. They're all kids of, you know, A&R people. Yeah.

Yeah. Like, they're just, you know, the most privileged kids in the world. Yeah, none of these kids lined up for tickets. No, yeah, these are kids like from rich parents exclusively, just screaming and they're all standing at the end. So they're not there to see a stand-up comedian. Is it like there's always like the pit? The pit where the stage goes around it?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you have to perform into the pit. Yeah, yeah. You're done. Your jokes to perform into the pit. Yeah. You're done. Your jokes are falling into a pit. So it's that. And then also, like, it's in this weird arena. So, like, one presenter will be over on this weird stage.

And then there's, like, this crazy backdrop that's these two robot arms that are making. I'm glad they're still doing dumb stuff that no one likes and the teens probably didn't know who he was too so he's battling that well that's that was the kind of that was the crazy thing about watching it and the thing that i love about it every year because last year it was uh it was aerosmith and oh post malone post malone did a set together and i was like let's get some fuck aeros that's what i mean yeah they probably were like confused about sebastian i yeah and there was equal measure of that throughout the night like it would be like a band that i've

never heard of or a solo act that i've never heard of and then they'd be like from this tv show you've never heard of this actor i've never heard of. Then they'd be like, from this TV show you've never heard of, this actor I've never heard of. And the kids were going nuts. The kids were going crazy. And then it would be like, please welcome Lenny Kravitz, and the kids would all go equally crazy. They were just like, hey, look, it's the guy from Hunger Games,

I guess? Zoe Kravitz is dead? I think Naughty by Nature were performing. I was like, that's a tough sell, man. There's no way. Queen Latifah came out, and you and I, T. I'm like, these kids don't know what the hell that is. They don't, but they also don't seem to care.

They seem to scream a lot. At one point, like, three people from The Sopranos came out, and I was like, well, this, because it was in New Jersey. Oh. Yeah. So you've, so you gotta, I guess. Hey, you kids love Big Pussy? I think that's who it was. I think it was him or,

it was one of the older guys. Oh, please welcome to the stage, Big Pussy and Lil Pump. Were they like, we're here to give out the fucking awards. Did they do that? He did. He was like, he's like, came out and was in character.

Oh, no. And I was like, who is this for? It's for me. I'm enjoying every second of it. This is so great. Welcome to the VMA Awards. I'm so excited to be here in front of everybody, especially the youth. That's been going on for generations of people like who used to watch mtv yeah go back

and watch the awards of like i don't know that i don't know you i don't know you i don't know you it must now be like a the organizers of the award show now must be like where that is a badge of honor of like we're just gonna have people that 26 year olds don't even know. Yeah. Well, there was a couple of people who they were like introducing for the first time on television ever. So there was two acts that I was like, Oh, well, I,

I have an excuse for not knowing this person hasn't even been on TV. This guy's only auditioned for some Russian. And then, and then just out of nowhere, then the Jonas brothers won an award. I was like, all right, some Russian. And then, just out of nowhere, then the Jonas Brothers won an award. I was like, all right. Lifetime Achievement Award. Lifetime Achievement Award.

Amazing. Yeah. For I'm a sucker for love. Yeah. And then, oh, yeah, the best. I think my favorite thing of the night was like, Lil Nas X. He won for Old Town Road. If he won for something else.

Yeah, and then Billy Ray Cyrus was up there, and I was like, huh. I said to myself, I was like, I bet he never thought this would happen. And then literally the next words out of his mouth was like, I never thought this would happen. Oh, that's crazy. Cause he just, he just jumped right back in. Yeah.

Like right. And then one of the biggest records of, uh, it's in, they just got nominated for a country award. Yeah. And he, it was the longest running number one single on the whole board history.

Yeah. And, and if you had to pick a one hit wonder from the 90s that would still be like, would just be kind of eerily with us for the next couple decades, it wouldn't have been Billy Ray. No. It would have been Johnny Ray. It would have been Aqua. Yeah. Yes. Please welcome to the stage for their lifetime achievement award wasn't miley ray sire miley cyrus there yeah she was there she performed were there two

generations there were two generations of cyrus's were there two generations of kravitz's uh i didn't see zoe kravitz duddy kravitz yes yeah but he was just doing an apprenticeship uh sure um yeah it was uh but i love i love it i love watching it it makes me feel a thousand years old uh but that's it i draw strength from that that's so funny man uh you know i was trying to watch it just yeah but i know most of the rappers yeah so i would know yeah but like the there were lots of acts that i i was like i don't know who this is and then they would sing the song i'd be like i've heard that song what are the but some of them not even close what are your all-time uh vma favorite moments you know it's hard to remember what i have one but it's not it's not gonna be it's bad

because of the artist go ahead like chris brown's performance it was a crazy performance it was like when he was younger oh yeah he did like three different melodies he was he was dancing and then did a michael jackson impression i remember that i was like yeah he was like 17 maybe i was like whoa people got it like they took his master class down so that would be my favorite one i remember the one where eminem was like at his peak popularity and he had like a thousand people dressed like him that's another good one i remember britney spears with a snake and then a couple years later Britney Spears not doing so hot and leave Britney alone guy oh did he come out with the snake no the guy who had the like

the video yeah it was like one of the first videos anyone saw ever what did she do with the snake oh she yeah I'm a slave for you she smooched Madonnaonna that one year oh

yeah then madonna smooched christina aguilera but the camera was on justin timber like reacting to britney yeah it was the real uh buzz aldrin of madonna kisses it's like you got to do it but did michael jackson and elisa marie kiss there? Oh, maybe. Yeah. And then is that also where he went up and took a piece of a birthday cake and thought it was a Lifetime Achievement Award and he made a speech? Do you remember this? No. They brought out a cake because it happened to fall on his birthday.

So they were like, we have a very special guest here. And they brought out this cake and it had like a cake topper. A little moon man? It was like a treble clef. And he took the cake topper and held it like it was an award. And did an acceptance speech. Sure. Yeah. Fine.

It's one of the best. One of the best things. Good. Yeah. You deserve. You deserve to make a speech. They brought the best things. Good. Yeah. You deserve to make a speech. They brought you out on stage anyway. Yeah.

And this year is probably the highlight was Lizzo dancing and singing in front of the giant inflatable ass. Lil Nas X had a good one too with Panini. Yeah. But there was that Kanye performance. I don't know if it was for MTV. He did one about his mom. Hey mama, the song.

And then he did one with Pusha hey mama the song and then he did one uh with pusha t uh toast up for the assholes and the stage was i mean he's just playing like this year this was years ago years ago fantasy came out but i don't know if it was for mtv that's a high i was like that that was this is this is seared into your memory. Yeah. Yeah. Because he had come back after all that drama with Taylor Tay-Tay. Oh, right. He put out this awesome album that did so well. Oh, that was a MTV video award. Right.

Yeah. Oh, man. A lifetime of memories, really. Oh, yeah. Yeah. The awards themselves should receive a lifetime achievement award. Yeah. Yeah, they should just bring out a birthday cake and then see what MTV does with it.

Oh, boy. Do we want to move on to a bit of business? If not, then we'll move on to the other thing. All right. Stop Podcasting Yourself is brought to you in part by Squarespace. Hee hee hee. How's it going, Squarespace? I don't know, man.

Well, you sound down. Sometimes I wonder if a life of crime is right for me. You know what? Maybe it's time for a new career. Oh, what, a web designer? Yeah, and you know what? It's not as hard as it used to be. Okay.

If you use Squarespace, you can build your own website. You can showcase your work. Life of crime. Yeah, so far, yeah. Blog or publish content. Okay, my crime blog. Announce an upcoming event or special project. Killing Dick Tracy. I mean, don't announce that.

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Brooches, sorry. That's okay. It's a regional pronunciation. I've never read it. I've only ever read it i've never said that's true and you should never make fun of somebody for mispronouncing something because that means that they learned it by reading yeah um uh now if you head to swear if you head to squarespace.com where's space yeah it's like that's dangerous territory bud

even for you even for a hardened criminal like you? I'm not a square face. I'm square face. That's true. If you want to, you can head to Squarespace.com for a free trial. And when you're ready to launch, use the offer code SPY to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's Squarespace.com. Enter code SPY.

Well, that was fun. That was fun. Okay,, enter code SPY. Well, that was fun. That was fun. Okay, well, bye. Bye. Stop Podcasting Yourself is also brought to you by Away. Oh. I remember who I am. Who are you?

Go ahead. Okay. We are a team of thinkers, seekers, and designers. Our focus and inspiration is movement, times of transition, exploration, and surprise. Oh, Dave, I don't like being surprised. Who's Dave? Oh, sorry. Who are you?

I'm the guy from the song In the Jungle. Okay. My name's Awim Away. Okay. Awim Away. Okay. And I would like to tell you about Away Luggage. But I would like you to lead.

Okay, we create special objects. We! Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's correct. That are at home on the road that carry you forward. Making your trip easier and in a small way, life better. Okay, okay. In the jungle. going nope now uh away they designed a bag that solved a few old problems like sticky wheels uh-huh because you know what i got one of these

bags wheels don't stick oh usually they're like the ones on the bus they go round and round i got it uh now the last time we did one of these ads. Yeah. This is Dave now. Oh, you're back. I remember. What happened to Wim away? He was very poorly thought of.

And last time we did one of these ads, they were offering great services, products, at a Coach Price. And Coach Price from my high school showed up. Oh, that's right. I see. Okay.

But, uh, he's, he's gone. He's gone. He's gone. He died. Um,

now all of this, they make these fantastic suitcases. All of them are made with premium German polycarbonate. Oh, unrivaled in strength and impact. You sounded German there. Yeah. Thank you. Uh, and it'sed in strength and impact resistance. You sounded German there. Yeah, thank you. And it's also very lightweight.

And Away offers a 100-day trial and a lifetime warranty. Now, I've seen your luggage. Yeah. I'm so jealous. It's the talk of the town. Yeah. I was like, you know what, Graham? You've had a rough 38 years.

Take the luggage years Take the luggage Take the luggage they're offering Yeah, and it makes You know what? It makes traveling fun and easy And if you out there Want to buy one of these Away suitcases And you want $20 off of a suitcase

Visit awaytravel.com Slash SPY And use promo code SPY during checkout That's $20 off a suitcase By going to awaytravel.com slash SPY and use promo code SPY during checkout. That's $20 off a suitcase by going to awaytravel.com slash SPY and use promo code SPY at checkout. A whim away? He's gone now. Oh, he's gone forever. Yeah.

Forever. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where uh boy oh boy if you hear something great don't just bury it in the backyard dig it up share it here on the podcast and we always like to start with the guest dave would you lead the charge um i was uh coming from har Harlem on the train early morning Sunday. It was maybe like around 11 a.m. And this couple, this white couple, they look like, I think they were on vacation on the train. And then this, I think it was a homeless dude, no shoes on, was just screaming at them like, you're being racist. Like you white motherfucker.

And no one was saying anything. We're all scared because he was popping off and at the same time this this uh other dude was like trying to uh get money but he was doing it like he goes welcome he goes i don't want to take anyone's attention but but he can hear but But it's fucking with his speech, right? And he just went, oh, God, no, man, no. And turns around, walks up to this guy. He goes, brother. He goes, not today. Whoa.

And he shut that down. And that guy, he diffused. He diffused him, sat back down, and went and did his thing and made his money and got off the train. That's a tippable performance. Before 11 a.m., man, in Harlem. Wow. Yeah, if somebody goes and gets somebody to be quiet on a public transit, tip for you.

Yes, that's true. I do like the panhandler who has a speech, who's got like, we're all stuck on the train. Yeah. I'm gonna go yeah good evening everybody yes anyone from out of town

you'll be the most receptive to this because you haven't seen this a thousand times yeah Dave do you have an opinion

mine is from the park took took Margo to the park the other day. And, uh, there was a little boy running around that was just whining. Uh, uh, a little, he was, he was with his big brother and he was just like his big brother was just faster and stronger. And the little boy couldn't keep up with them. And I got kind of a Kim Jong-un vibe from this point.

And his brother was running away, and I heard him say, I order you to stop. And then... I order you to stop. This is great. And then later I heard him say, stop it. Stop doing that, or I will melt the whole world. Oh, no.

Jesus. You know, I hope that that kid stopped because so far the world's fine. Well, it's melting. Yeah. Maybe this kid, he's like Damien. Is that the kid that he can control stuff with his mind? Everybody has to be nice to him. Wish I had that yeah um yeah that's pretty much the biggest threat you can make i'll melt the world oh yeah i'll stop the world and melt

with you yeah yeah yeah that's the nicest thing you could say to somebody my buddy where he told me this story he works at he works at apple in new york and he was like trying to help this uh this one dude he's muscular dude and i think he was just being aggressive and some some lady next to at the genius bar was like hey you might want to you might want to relax and then he was like why don't you shut the fuck up bitch and then my boy goes hey man uh you don't have to talk to her like that or anyone like that. And then the guy goes, this ain't no time to be a hero. Oh. You know what? You're right.

I'm going to go on my lunch break. Let me just check what I'm making per hour. Yeah, you're right. No time to be a hero. Yeah, you're right. I concur. I'll see you around. We don't you a hero. Yeah, no, yeah, you're right. I concur. And yeah, I'll see you around. We don't need another hero.

Brian, what's yours? Mine is courtesy of me eating at a restaurant. You love it. I love it. You know what I love about it? You order. They bring you the food. You don't have to clean up after.

It's great. You pay them a little money. You go on your way. I could tell any given waitstaff, don't be a hero. Not today. Yeah. But there was a couple of women at the booth behind me. And one, I guess, had scanned over the menu.

And it said kind of exasperatedly, paleo diet's a real curse. But that indicates that somebody made you. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like you opened up a mummy's tomb and now you have to be paleo. I guess it must be really hard if you are paleo and you look at a menu. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because they don't just give you like a kid's menu. They don't just give you the paleo menu.

Yeah, because like what is paleo? It's just like meat and shrubs. I know it's meat. I know it's a lot of meat. Yeah. Nothing processed. Yeah, you can't have like a meat with a sauce on it. No, you can't have cheese. No. It's all lot of meat. Yeah. Nothing processed. Yeah, you can't have like a meat with a sauce on it. No, you can't have cheese.

No. It's all like caveman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. All caveman food. But you know what? If you're on a paleo, don't expect the restaurant to bend to your will. Yeah.

Or like sometimes a restaurant won't. Don't expect Subway to have a paleo sub. They'll put it on the menu. They'll put like a little leaf next to something that's vegetarian. Yeah. A little pepper next to something that's hot. A little caveman next to something with paleo. A little caveman club.

Yeah. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one came from Ian from Fort Wayne, Indiana. Yeah. I don't know. It's a place maybe I've heard of before. Yeah, maybe I have as well.

Yeah. This is driving to work. Me in another car in the oncoming lane had to stop and let geese cross the road. As I sat and waited, the last goose in line hesitated, stepping in the road in front of the other car in the oncoming lane. Then, as a gesture for the goose to go ahead and cross, the other driver gave the goose a double flash of their eye beams. Geese don't know. Okay, go ahead. Was that in Halifax?

That was in Fort Wayne, Indiana. Does that seem like something that would happen in Halifax? Yeah. They just stop on the highway to let you go sometimes. They stop their car to let you go. Slow down for you to make a right into the lane. It's weird. They're too friendly.

They're too friendly. I don't think they're in Ontario at all. No. But you do see in like the smaller the town the more likely you're going to have to stop for some geese crossing.

Or like a cat that's just having a nap on the road. Having a nap. He's going to honk at that cat waking up. Hey, you're not going to survive long if this is what you're doing.

This is the last time you do this. Okay? Promise me, Kat. This next one comes from Alex, parts unknown. Nope, Victoria. Sorry. Overheard in the bathroom at a Weird Al concert in Victoria. Drunk guy bursts into the washroom.

Whoa, people have been pissing on the floor long pause i should probably tie my laces well said yeah the idea of getting drunk at a weird alcott yeah it seems unholy yeah there's something very unsavory about and And also, like, I feel like Weird Al shows are generally all ages. Yeah, yeah. Did you bring your own booze? Well, no, but, like, at a theater, they'll have a bar set up. Yeah.

I didn't know it was all ages, though. Why would a Weird Al show be for grown-ups? I don't know. No. I mean, grown-ups go. But I think, like, Grown ups want to go And bring their kids Their nerdy kids

Yeah Oh really Yeah Okay He's intergenerational now He could have Shown up at the VMA He should host the VMA

He really should He probably thinks I've been there Been there done it Yeah Won a bunch of these awards He's won a lot of awards Has he

Yeah he's won like The comedy album Grammy yeah that's true but but for his videos yeah i wonder they look a lot like other artists videos um and uh finally this uh this is david in dc, there's two Davids in the room already. It's a real club. Yeah, it's a real club. What are the perks? Sometimes when someone says, James, in a coffee shop, you go and get their coffee, and they're like, no, that was for James.

Oh, I thought you said Dave. I overheard this part of a conversation about movie directors and I think Jordan Peele in an office is that the guy that directed that other movie? what's the name of that movie? Get Out or Somebody in the Driveway? what a worse name for it Somebody in the Driveway although, pretty scary What a worse name for it. It's somebody in the driveway. Somebody in the driveway.

Although, pretty scary. Yeah. Why is somebody in my driveway? If you looked out the window and saw somebody standing in your driveway. That's us. Yeah. The boovias. That's right.

They were standing in the driveway. Oh. It was terrifying. I haven't seen it. I'm too scared. There might be somebody in the driveway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's I haven't seen it. I'm too scared. There might be somebody in the driveway. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's too scary to think about.

In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one. Like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and wonderful guest. I am Andrew calling from Kansas City with an overheard.

I stopped at the grocery store to get something for my sore throat. When walking in, I heard a woman talking to her husband. She said, well, you're always complaining that we don't have the right kind of cheese. So I figured maybe I could bring you along this time. She said, well, maybe if you watch the same shows I did, you'd know the right cheese. Yeah. What's the big cheese show that's on now? The Boys on Amazon.

Oh, yeah. The Boys. Great show. Yeah. Yeah, I can't even think of a show where cheese is like... I mean, a cooking show. I would think. Sure. No one's watching.

No one's watching a scripted show. Be like, you have to get that cheese from that show. Yeah. That's insane. That's what you're picking up from that show. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, is that show good? The boy? I don't know. Have you seen it? Yep. Good. All episodes. Yeah.

It's great. Shot in Toronto, I think't know. Have you seen it? Yep. Good? All episodes. Yeah, it's great. Shot in Toronto, I think. Yep. A lot of Toronto actors. Yeah, because there was a scene that somebody posted a picture of it, and they're like, this is supposed to be Times Square, and you could tell it's Young and Dandus. To the point that I think the Yonge Street sign is somewhere in the background. Yeah.

There's a Johnny Rockets in the background. I guess that could be in Times Square. That's a johnny rockets in the background i guess that could be that could be in that's a johnny rockets yeah the johnny rockets is closed is it yeah the one

in young and dead death square it's closed yeah yeah it stinks yeah we win we win it was terrible so bad dude you

have to buy the fries and burgers separately go go fuck yourself fucking awful i went in there once, never went back. When they did that, I go, you're criminals, all of you. Fries and burgers sold separately.

It says it right on the menu. You know what I like? I like going to McDonald's where they sell it to you in one thing. I guess they sell a combo. Yeah, you get a combo. But they are separate. Yeah. But yeah, it's selling like...

You can't combo it up. It doesn't come with a side of fries. Well, Johnny Rocks. The burger wasn't even that good. No. Fuck you, Johnny Rocks. It's the atmosphere. You go to Johnny Rocks.

Yeah, for the 50s atmosphere. Yeah. I feel like you're in that Back to the Future diner. That's right. But it closed, right? Yeah. There's one here. Yeah, but it's a fast food one. Oh, okay. You go to the counter. Okay. That's right. But it closed, right? Yeah. There's one here. Yeah, but it's a fast food one.

Oh, okay. You go to the counter. Okay. I haven't been in it. I've looked in the window. So it doesn't have the 50s diner feel. I don't know. Okay.

I don't know what it feels like. Nah. They just all pretend the moon landing hasn't happened. Yeah, sure. There's no... There's like a poster of James Deeth. Yeah. Of Jim Carrey doing James Deeds' face.

Next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and guests. This is Tara from Maryland. I was just in a craft store, and there was a kid, maybe like 9 or 10, loading up her arms with beakers and glass things from her shelf. And she said, I need a test tube. And her mom said, no, you don't. Put those back tube and her mom said no you don't put those back and the girl said

you don't respect science yeah I'm a little girl who just got a bunch of science stuff from a craft store and I'm gonna do some science I'm gonna put some sparkles in there fill the rest of it with water spin it around and here's your cure for the common cold.

For the daily blues. Do you respect science? Yeah, I have a healthy respect for science. Well, yeah, it comes from fear. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't understand science, but I know enough about it to be afraid of it. Do you respect science? I'm a reasonable man.

Yeah, that's true. The title of your autobiography could be a reasonable man. I respect anyone in a lab coat. Yeah. Especially an angry doctor. Angry doctor. A pharmacist. What do you think I do?

There we go. Last one. Hello, Dave and Graham. It's an overseen license plate. Kind of stupid, but aren't they all? It's a blue Mazda license plate. It was M-E-O-W. What is that?

M-E-O-W. That's too many letters. It was Meowzda. Meowzda. M-E-O-W that's too many words it was meows-da it took a while to get there but it was worth it it couldn't be M-E-O-W meows-da yeah anyway it was meows-da

that's a maze-da this person wouldn't have bought a Nissan because they couldn't you had a snake it could be a Hisan these are fun things you can do if you're a multi-animal owner well that brings us to the end of this here episode

episode number 6 oh Graham I'm so happy we've done it we've made it Well that brings us to the end of this here episode Episode number 600 Oh Graham I'm so happy we've done it We've made it What a great partnership it has been It has been fantastic And it will continue to be For 600 more That's the contract

Dave You have shows coming up Throughout September People can see you at the Laugh Shop in Calgary. Yeah, September 19th to 21st at the Laugh Shop in the Sunshine State, Calgary. The Sunshine State, that's what it's known as. And then the following weekend, JFL 42, September 27th and 28th. You're doing a couple of solo shows?

At the Royal on College, which is probably the biggest venue I'll do that I've done on my own. How big? How big are we talking? I think it might be 500 or something. I think it's a theater, like a movie theater. Nice. A few shows there. So if you can just go to the website and help

to calm my anxiety down please yeah yeah yeah we don't want to go into the hospital yeah do not you know the hospital stories

you don't want this yeah help Dave out if you've never seen Dave live it's a real treat it's a real treat to see you do

the stand up comedy he's a Juno award winner yeah and you're on you've got a special on although they actually yeah and you're on you've got a special on although they actually just brought him out of cake and that's right you you brought you out of birthday cake and you did an accepted speech we're all very embarrassed um but they did put a juneau on the cake yeah so uh it's only fair um and you have a Netflix special? On Comedians of the World.

Yeah. On Netflix. Yeah, check it out. It was cool. It was fun. Yeah. You know, people seem to have liked it. Some people seem to have hated it.

You know what? Hoist their opinions very loud. That's the nature of the internet. Yeah. People with all ranges of opinions shouting them at the same volume um and uh well thank you very much for being a guest 100 thank you guys i always have so much 100 thank you thank you yeah 100 50 50 yeah this is a dope this is a dope pod let's just be fair to some podcasts that are just trash uh this is a great one is a dope podcast let's just be fair there's some podcasts that are just trash this is a great one

thank you thank you it's always awkward being asked to do one where you're like this is not good yeah we're gonna ask

we're gonna ask you about the time that you bombed man I don't want to talk about that I don't want to relive that

but thank you for being our guest thank you listeners for listening uh if you like the show why not tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.