Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 601 - Amber Harper-Young

Episode Date: September 23, 2019

Comedian Amber Harper-Young returns to talk basketball, jet-setting, and hatchet fights.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka, and he's Graham Clark, and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, and welcome to episode number 601 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, even though I got to see him earlier in the week, it's just not enough for me, Mr. Dave Shovka. Yeah, we're addicted to love. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're a couple of Robert Palmers? Yeah, that's the guy. Whoa, yeah. We're a couple of Robert Palmers. Yeah. That's the guy.

Whoa, sorry. There was also that, I was thinking of the Matthew Broderick, Meg Ryan movie, Addicted to Love. Sure, sure. It had a different song in the trailer. You're addicted to love. It was a little bit like Nine Inch Nails. Yep.

Yep. I'm trying to remember the plot of that movie. There were star-crossed lovers, I think? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I think they were both following their exes. Yeah. Whoa, whoa. I haven't seen it.

Oh, sorry. Never mind that last part. And then Matthew Broderick killed someone with a car in Ireland. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, a very funny comedian. It's Amber Harper Young. Thank you. Hello. Oh, I forgot

it's the ghost of Amber she's really busy so I'm the ghost I wish I could send my ghost oh yeah yeah instead I just said not me from the family circus comic um was not me a ghost I guess it was drawn

like a ghost yeah who was the who was the other one oh was there another one wasn't there like uh do you know what we're talking about no do you remember the family circus yeah comic it was corny as all get out if the kid did something like broke the cookie jar or something he would say not me did it and there'd be a drawing no it wouldn't say not me did is it who did? Who did this? Not me. That's right. Not me. Yeah, that's right. Not me wasn't the entity.

And then they personified not me, who was like a little chubby boy. But see-through. Yeah. With not me on his. Yeah, yeah. He was a ghost boy. But he didn't even look like the guy. Like he didn't even look like the kid.

He didn't even look like the kid. He looked like the kid, I think the kid i think let's say that okay who would have the other uh tropes of the family circus there was he would see where billy walked yeah billy would do it would take a circuitous route somewhere uh and i loved that yep he would mispronounce that would be on the weekend editions because it would be like you don't want to waste that during the weekday. Well, the weekday, they were just one panel. Right. Rip off.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then the other one. Didn't Billy sometimes draw the cartoon? That's right. Yeah. It was a guest drawn by Billy. Does this, any of this ring a bell?

No, like just mainly the actual cartoon like cartoon like i know the name you know what was your favorite comic strip growing up garfield yeah yeah that's a classic i had like you know those uh compiled book bound books yeah first edition also i'm, I'm a big Italian food fan. So I was like, I related a lot to Marvel. Yeah, yeah, I get that. I'm very lazy. I'm lazy. I like Italian food. And I'm a bit of a, I'm a smart ass like he is.

Yeah. Yeah. You know that the comic was originally written about, it was called John. And then like it was supposed to be focused on the guy. Uh-huh. And the cat was just an auxiliary character. It wouldn't have worked. It just would have, right off the bat, it would have been a failure.

Who was this guy? Yeah. I saw somewhere that John got Odie by killing someone? Hmm. Yeah, that sounds about right. It was not me who did the killing. It's a weird piece of trivia where Odie was acquired through murder. Okay.

You know what? I have a bookmark to read later, but I've been really busy. I think, yeah, the Garfield-verse is very expansive. There's lots of storylines. There's lots to know. Where did Nermal come from? Where did Nermal go? Well, we know where he went. Abu Dhabi. Amber. Can we lots to know. Where did Nermal come from? Where did Nermal go? Well, we know where he went.

Abu Dhabi. Amber. Can we get to know us? Yeah. Yeah. Get to know us. So, what was the question? How are you?

Dave, just so everyone knows, Dave just moved the microphone into my face. But you took it like a chance. It's a little bit of a callback that we just thought probably would happen. Yeah, it was a little physical comedy we were working on before the show. I guess that doesn't read here. No. But I'm good. I just got off work.

I, you know, I didn't snap at work, which is like always. This is great. Yeah. Do you snap at work? No, I don't really at work, which is always... This is great. Yeah. Do you snap at work? No, I don't really. Have you ever? Yeah, I've gone into a room and been like... Oh, cool.

There's a room to do that in? Is your work the same as it was last time you were here? Yeah, I work in the downtown Eastside as a peer support worker. So it's pretty cray-cray. I bet it is. and it's only getting better yeah yeah so uh literally every like everything anyone ever says about the downtown east everything down there is fixed now guys yeah oh congratulations literally everything uh people say about it is it's the worst it's ever been.

That's true. But that's what people say about history in general. It's hard to really know. Oh, this cast of SNL is not as good as when I was a teenager. That's usually what I compare it to. The cast of SNL. But is there like, do you feel supported if you feel like you're about to snap? Sometimes, and then sometimes not.

But I think that's just the nature of it. If you're, like, a type of person who can't, like, handle. The truth? Yeah. If you're, I don't know, just you don't have that inner strength to deal. You usually quit the job pretty quick. You've been there a while, so you're inner strength through the roof. Just, you don't have that inner strength to deal. Usually quit the job pretty quick. You've been there a while. So you're in a strength through the roof.

Yeah, I mean. Do you see a lot of quitters? Oh, big time. There's a huge turnover in the, in the field. So. So are you like a veteran at this point? Uh, I wouldn't say a veteran. No, there's people that have been in there, like the management and even like some people in the housing department and stuff have been there like 20 30 years if people don't know what we're talking about it's it's uh vancouver vancouver's like poorest neighborhood yeah the

country's poorest neighborhood yeah and a lot of uh homelessness and addiction and yeah mental health mental health stuff it's tough It's a tough line of work, but you're doing it. Yeah. Yeah. And it's, you know, like my heart's totally in it.

So that's why I've lasted this long. Where's my heart? It'll go on. Okay. Yeah. So, yeah, I'm still there and still kicking.

And you just got back. You were on a tour in Alberta. Oh, fancy. Yeah, I went to Alberta. I did that. Edmonton, Calgary, Lethbridge, Red Deer. Yeah. Red Deer.

That was Lethbridge. Shocking. Windy City. Lethbridge was all right. It was a bit, the cars were a bit small because the summertime. So it's just like throughout Canada, just like a little bit thinned out in the audience. Not if you play cottage country. Yeah, sure.

Well, yeah, hook a brother up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. See, you were playing the big cities during the summer. You got to play out the cities. No, the big cities were all right. Actually, Calgary was really strong through the summer. Yeah. Yeah.

Stronger than the last time I visited. Really, some new really good talent in Calgary. Yeah, you. You were there. Yeah, you made the scene. You guys. We're not here to talk about the talent

in Calgary. We want to know all about what Amber's been up to for the past year. So, we don't even work and give it to her. If you compliment one Calgarian,

I will lose it. They're all great. I just want to see them smash something. So, yeah, like,

it was fun. It was really good. I think I only had like two pretty pitiful shows and otherwise. We don't want to hear about those no i mean well maybe we do yeah nothing like seems to be the way this is going just pure treachery you know like and then all the all the rest were quite good treachery

oh yeah wow you don't hear that word around a lot i There is a... I hear about roads. Yeah, pirates. And, now that's it. Those are the two big treacherous things. What else have you been up to? I recently started smoking again. Okay.

This is where... Accomplish. Let's do this. Accomplish. So... Let's talk about your smoking history. So my smoking history

was 13 years straight of light smoking so like eight to ten a day and then i quit whoa doctor recommends eight to ten is that light smoking it's if you don't is there a chart yeah i think that that's just you're just a dabbler if you don't smoke that eight to ten is you're a smoker. Yeah. Yeah. But if you're under that, I think you're just dabbling. So you were dabbling? No, you were eight to 10 a day. Yeah. Some days you'd be like, oh, I only did eight today.

Good for me. Yeah. Just had a little dabble. So, yeah, I was quit for, after the 13 years, I quit for two years, three months. And then I had heavy stress. Yeah. Yeah. Here we are. My sister came into town with her kids.

And then I was- The kids were smoking. They were pressuring. They were pressuring me. Okay. Then they're really cute. So they're like a walking commercial. And they're going to be cute forever because they're stunting their growth.

I want them to stay small. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So you were pressuring them. They were pressuring you. Yeah. I want them to stay small. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you were pressuring them, they were pressuring you. Yeah, it was like we just chain smoked in a circle for a really long time. Just lighting off with the one cigarette. I had to be a cool man. What do you think?

I don't know. But is this just a temporary? We're hoping this is a 10. I'm already on the book. Like the book helped me to quit smoking. Uh, Alan, and,

uh, the Bible. And, uh, I bought Jimmy Carr's book on how to quit smoking. It's just a bunch of like puns. Fun though. Yeah.

Yeah. Really like, really funny, but did nothing. Um, what, uh, do,

so you, what, how old were you when you started smoking? I was old. I was like 24. What? Yeah. Why did you start smoking?

Because I went through my first major breakup. So I was seeing my first boyfriend for nine years. Nine years. I was like alone in Oakville doing performing arts preparation. And I was just like, Boy, that sounds bleak. What do I do when I memorize lines instead of have the company of a loved one?

Have a company of a cigarette. Yeah, exactly. It's not your friend though, listeners. But like at 24, you start smoking. Wasn't it? Because like as a teenager, you're so dumb, you know? You're just an idiot. So of teenager you're so you're so dumb you know you're just

an idiot so of course you're gonna smoke yeah but uh 24 how did you even think of smoking how did you find your way to smoking did somebody say hey check this out and i was like what's that basically um i don't know i think it's you know the whole thing about smoking which i learned in the book and i'm reading the beginning i think i'm like a quarter of the way through again is um the whole thing surrounding smoking is it's a brainwashing uh situation that you're stuck in it's not an actual physical addiction it's a psychological problem embedded in our society. Whoa. Yeah. Yeah.

So we see movies where cool people are smoking. Yep. We see old Hollywood photos of beautiful women smoking. We sure do. We see like film noir, you know, like exciting. We love film noir. Things being related to somebody who, when they're

concentrating, needs a cigarette. Yeah, yeah, yeah. When they're stressed out, they need a cigarette. They reward themselves with a cigarette. And they look so cool when they're concentrating, needs a cigarette. When they're stressed out, they need a cigarette. They reward themselves with a cigarette. And they look so cool when they're doing it, but it's not cool.

That's why I got addicted to turtlenecks. Because I see everyone looks so cool in movies wearing turtlenecks, and yet... It's true. Fighting the perfect storm

and whatnot. Yeah, sure. Chasing down Serpico. Wait, is Serpico the bad guy? I got addicted to detectiving. Yeah, yeah. So addicted now. Well, I'm glad to hear

that you're like re-quitting. Yeah, I'm in the process of re-quitting. Re-quitting. You re-took it back up again. What happens in the book is you, and it's kind of like, I What happens in the book is you, and I,

it's kind of like, I kind of did the book wrong the first time in the way. Side down or backwards. I know. Got a playboy inside of you. It's like a different language when you read it that way. No, but,

um, yeah, like I didn't, I didn't smoke all the way through the book. I got so excited that I was going to quit smoking that I quit halfway through the book and just read the end. Whereas it's sort of like, um, a workbook. So you kind of have to go through all these steps and process. Processes.

What, uh, were you, cause when I was a kid, when I was in high school, first of all, I was in an elementary school that was attached to a high school and was in high school our first of all i was in an elementary school that was attached to a high school and all the high schoolers who smoked were so scary like that that was the thing for me of like well i'm just this was permanently imprinted on me that these are not they're not necessarily cool people but they're like scary big teens and there's smoke pouring out of their heads yeah yeah so i'm uh that's not me man yeah so you had you had uh the opposite you had like something to work against like you're like where do you even get a trench coat at 14. i uh you know reality bites had just come out and Ethan Hawke looked so cool when he smoked

Winona Ryder looked like she did never smoked a cigarette before she wasn't a good movie smoker but Ethan Hawke he made it look like oh man you know what I'm talking about he was your he was your smoke um hero no my smoke box hero i think was probably you know like you were saying like the old photos of like uh james dean or something yeah james dean's a big probably a huge seller i bet he wouldn't smoke at the if he was alive today he'd vape oh that's even more deadly yeah that's true no but these these, they're causing this thing called popcorn lung. Have you heard this? So they're not necessarily, they've gone through like the mandatory testing, but I think there's moisture there, right?

So it's different from smoking cigarettes. Where there's moisture, there's popcorn. There's popcorn lung. Popcorn lung. So I don't think those are good necessarily either it sounds like uh fun it sounds too fun

it sounds like something you'd get from working in a mine where they grow corn yeah sure or like I feel like you could easily transport it

into hotline bling I'm about that popcorn lung you could probably record a PSA and really get through to the kids it's drizzy here popcorn lung you could probably record a PSA and really get through to the kids Drizzy here

popcorn lung may be fun may be fun to say one thing it's no joke is me I feel like

you could like take the person who died from popcorn lung and then like incision them open and just

like a jiffy pull a popcorn over a point their chest is like tin foil that's just too spanning. Sounds like a Bob Duca. Hot tub foot.

Yeah, but yeah, good. Quit. Because you're, in general, you're a pretty healthy person. Yeah, and I actually, since I started smoking, I'm more healthy because I'm feeling so much shame and guilt. What's more healthy about you? Just my diet. You were carrying just a jar of vitamin C when you showed up. Like not pills or tablets, like the water.

Like when you put the powder in the water. But with a giant half lemon in it as well. Yeah. Like you're sipping emergency all day. And you know what else I have in my bag? A half orange. It's just like. Well, it's halftime at a kid's soccer game.

Yeah, yeah. I don't eat full fruits, guys. Margo was starting soccer and they sent a thing home, like a sheet with like your responsibilities as a parent and like good sportsmanship and don't yell at anyone and, you know, cheer for both teams. I will not cheer for them. That's not fair.

Yeah. Well, I'm secretly, I got money on the other team. And one of them was like uh feeding mario pasta before every game uh contributing like to snacks or whatever when when necessary and it just occurred to me i get to do oranges yeah yeah that that was like that was the whole thing of soccer like i you go home at halftime after you got your orange. I would try to back my way off of the field towards the playground during every game. I'd always get told by the ref, you're standing outside of the drawing on the grass. You're like, yeah.

You're not allowed to just walk off the field um did you play soccer as a kid no basketball basketball yeah did you have to go to basketball camp yeah i coached basketball camp really yeah you're like an actually like still play a little can you hoop oh guys so i was playing we were shooting hoops my boyfriend and i and uh he and i just did like one on one to like you know 30 or something to like he schooled me he schooled me and he then after the the game has ended yeah and then he's we're just shooting around and he does a pump fake to nobody and then i look at the net and he passes it to me, but I catch it in my face.

And then my hand went up so late that he, he like cracked my nail and my nail just started bleeding, gushing blood. And I was like, what are you doing? Why do you, you don't pump fake when no one's there. Like,

what are you? It's a double pump fake but also like he it worked yeah it worked it's true

but like the one the one thing you have to do if you're trying to like make your way in women's sports do not break a nail and be like I broke a nail

oh man then you're on every bad sitcom yeah I was like I have to work in a women's center with maybe a black eye. This is brutal. Everyone's going to be like, is everything okay? It was my boyfriend.

Yeah. Don't worry. He just whipped a basketball in my face after schooling me. Oh, he put this. I should look up the score. I took a picture of it because he put, he put. You were keeping score with like a scoreboard? No, he came home and wrote it on, after he injured me, he wrote it on the whiteboard.

Uh-huh. That he won like by three points or whatever. Oh, only by three points? He just wants to rub it in. But yeah, I think it was three. Just a last minute job from downtime? Or maybe it was like the count of But yeah, I think it was three. Just a last minute job from downtime? Or maybe it was like

the count of games he won. So it was like five, three or five, two or something. A little competition in a relationship keeps it exciting. So he writes it down but then he circles it.

I'm like, dude, he busted me. Like, get out of here. Don't you think you won already? He's funny like that. No one understands me and Kobe Do you guys always Play basketball together Is that a cornerstone

No First time last time No I think that was like Our third time Okay Yeah we both really love basketball We watch basketball a lot

He loves the Minnesota Timberwolves Oh yeah Yeah How come? Why? Because him and his friends picked a team when they were five or something and they're like that's your team forever. So now they

all have different teams. I like that. I do. Who did you pick when you were five? I would have been the Seattle Supersonics when I was five but then we had the Vancouver Grizzlies and now it's nobody. Why not the Minnesota Timberwolves. No. Yeah, like I know the Timberwolves better than the Raptors,

which is stupid. How did they do this year? The Raptors? The Timberwolves. I was so shocked. I don't remember. Not great. They keep like building towards like, oh, they're a young team, but they're going to be good.

And then like they'll have trades and it messes everything they've worked for up. Are you a sports fan in general or just basketball? Like I like watching sports. I always enjoy watching sports like soccer and basketball and tennis, but I don't really make a lot of space in my life for it. But if my boyfriend Gilad is watching it, I'll sit down with him. Sounds nice. And bother him. That sounds like an all right.

You watch sports Dave Yeah Do you want to be My sports watching buddy Yeah yeah yeah I want to I would be asking Too many questions

Who's that guy What are they So mad about Yeah Why don't the adults Eat orange slices During halftime Why are they standing

Inside the lines Yeah yeah yeah Of the drawing On the ground I believe you called it That's correct You called the field The drawing Why are they standing inside the lines? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of the drawing on the ground. I believe you called it. That's correct. You called the field the drawing.

The drawing on the ground. What is it in soccer? Sidelines in soccer? Sidelines, yeah. The pitch. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah. Does Margot, does she get to wear shin pads?

She gets to, yeah. What about cleats? That was my favorite part. Is she wearing, like like soccer cleats yeah but apparently so we just went to like the used sporting goods store and that's the best place to go for like everything for every age yeah because there's people of all ages who just give up on us yeah yeah um but uh she uh yeah the cleats, uh, but apparently they're going to go indoors in the, in the winter. Okay.

So it's going to start like the first couple of months will be on the grass and then gym. Okay. Huh. So then is it on like cement? Like. No, it'll be in like a gym. Yeah. It'll be on classic basketball wood.

Basketball wood. Okay. Yeah. That's better on your knees. I don't want Margo's knees to get messed. I don't think she's going to do many slide tackles. She's not going to bend it like Beckham? No, she might, but that doesn't hurt your knees.

Agree to disagree. That backwards kick over the head looks like it really works. That's not bending it, though. That's a different thing. So I have the new NBA basketball game. Yep. And there's WNBA in it. Okay.

So you can be the Seattle Storm and the Los Angeles Sparks. Okay. And I just remember while the playoff games were on um for the nba this year i like i asked siri when's the next basketball game and it told me the next wnba basketball game and it was like the next the the whatever the new york lady nicks or whatever. Yeah, the Lady Knicks. That's right. The Lady Shicks. Play the Seattle Storm at 10 a.m. today. And I was like, and it was a Thursday, and I was like, huh, that's weird for a professional sports game. Oh, maybe it's like sometimes they'll, you know, send the teams over to Japan on like an educational tour. No, just in like state new york

10 a.m on a weekday and it was just like wow this is really unfair yeah this is a setup to fail yeah 10 a.m huh not even like even doing gym class at 10 a.m felt too early yeah did you ever have aspirations to be a pro? Well, I played a little bit in college. And then that whole relationship thing happened. So I didn't. Oh, no. And then my coach was like.

Here's some cigarettes. What are you doing? Yeah, here's some cigarettes. He was not a smoker. Everyone was very hardcore. I was like the only white chick on the team and so like everyone was like these these insane players and i was a bench warmer and i was just like going basically to practice so that they would have a team to like play again to practice against right but i also love, so I didn't mind filling that role. It was fun for me.

But college was also very physical. I was doing ballet and tap and all this crazy stuff. What? This is crazy. Yeah, so I had to, and yoga. And so I had to be like, I'm a smoker now. I got to go.

Did you still tap when you were smoking? Yeah, I was tap. I was smoking at the same time. Look at all those black and white photos of tap dancers. That's true. For the sake. The ash was just going everywhere. Yeah.

No, like I had a weird conversation with my coach. He's like, where have you been? Like you haven't been at practice. And I'm like, well, like this is when Kanye first came out where we go to games and we blast kanye it was amazing but uh it'd be like complete like the best hype music ever but anyway so um i'm not coming out to practice or games or whatever and he's like what's going on and i'm like uh i uh just went through like a major breakup and I can't really handle, you know, I'm busy crying or whatever.

And yeah, I've got a full schedule. Yeah. And then he's like, okay, what happened? And I was like, are we really going to do this right now?

It was like a TV show where, yeah. Wow. What happened? Coach is getting in there. Yeah. I was like, he wants to like figure this out,

I guess. And I'm like, okay, well, like he cheated on me with somebody I know, like one my someone i thought was a friend and you know i can't like even deal with life right now and he's like all these women have walked in on their boyfriend like screwing their ex their their best friends and like these women he's like done me the things the rest of the team has been through

really wow who's making that up no like these scenarios I can't I wish I remembered a like complete actual scenario

he told me but that's how he was trying to encourage me to come back to the team it's like this team is cursed

everyone on this team gets cheated on anyway we got room for you. We're kind of the reverse love connection. Just everybody that's joined this team. Wow. I was just like, I guess, like, I think that's also when I realized, like, I'm just not tough.

Like, I'm tough in a specific way, and that's it. Yeah. You know, like, I'm not. I cheat on you,'re you fall right apart well after nine years yeah i think probably yeah and like so this this dancing you were doing because i'm fascinated this is something i didn't know i didn't know you play basketball i didn't know i didn't know there's there's layers of an onion now you're competitive you're with your boyfriend when you're being competitive about basketball.

Maybe I would have been better at basketball because that happened. Like, maybe I would have had a better group mind with the team. Maybe I should have went. You should have stayed. Maybe you could get the whole team back. Yeah. But I was going to say, you should, like, challenge your boyfriend to some competitive tap. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It goes. Yeah. Just some one on one in the footlights. Paradiddle. Paradiddle.

You have to do like three moves with your foot. Like, but, but, but, but, but, but,

but if they hit your heel, the table, I know I'm just looking at it. Like you guys can see it through my eyes. Yeah. Um, how many years did you do that for? I just dancing.

It was just a one year it was basically like here's performance art oh right right right learn figure out if you what you like here and uh because all all before that any kind of um university or college i tried to do is surrounding fine art right so i was like, maybe I'm funny or something. So, because everyone says that. Everybody's pointing and laughing at me

all the time. My basketball team, everyone. Yeah. But you do a funny ballet. Ballet is so hard. Yeah. Ballet was the hardest thing.

Trust me, I know. Dave knows. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ballet was harder than my breakup Trust me, I know. Dave knows. Look at these toes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ballet was harder than my breakup. Your toes are bleeding. And then your coach

took you aside. Everybody here's done ballet. All your teammates. Yeah, we also did like acting and behind the scenes on stage and, you know, like scenic painting and different

we like tried to collaborate these are all smoker jobs yeah that's true I bet 90% of ballerinas are smoking puffing a dart I know that like is that cool?

it was cool, Dave it was very cool but like I've heard that gymnasts smoke Was that cool? It was cool. Dave, it was very cool. But like, I've heard that gymnasts smoke because it lightens your load, your bones. It lightens your bones? Yeah, yeah. It keeps you small. Yeah, it keeps you small and it also affects your bone density if you smoke. It's very bad for you, this smoking.

I gotta go. I just go straight to my doctor and check my bones. They're pretty light. Oh, they sound pretty hollow. We don't have a test for this, but let me knock on your bones. And then you became a comedian. You went away from the dancing. Do you ever dance still? Or is that all of a sudden?

That was just for credit. So I did have a little stint before college where I was like go-go dancing, so close on, but like for clubs, like nightclubs. You were an interesting life. Yeah, exactly. We're really getting. But you deliver it in such a way that like this like you know as we all did yeah we all spent some time go go dancing

yeah were you up on like a like a platform or one one club was really cool in barry ontario not bragging or anything but i have to like climb this pole that had um like sort of like a ladder built into it and then there was this trap door underneath like this thing this cage but like an open cage so just like there's just a banister around you right people could just look up your skirt yeah but i wouldn't wear a skirt i just wear like shorts or whatever like you know you wear like yeah sensible yeah a sensible go-go dancing attire go-go pants go-go pants go-go boots or whatever and um yeah it was really fun actually it was one of my fun and how long would you have to be in the cage we it was really hard yeah it's like a long long sets like i think 20 minutes straight of like full out dancing to like you you know, club music, club music.

So was there a song that came on where you're like, this is, this is my song. This is my jam. Kanye pump up song. Um, I think it was before Kanye got huge. So it was like. Ace of bass. No, after Ace of bass, before Kanye. Oh, that was a dark time.

Yeah. The music business threw in the towel. Who will resurrect us? Kanye West? I think Kylie Minogue was big. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Good go-go music.

Good club music. Yeah. Yeah, she was good. That album was good. And like, is this a job in which you would get tips? Or is this, you were paid by the flat rate. Flat rate.

And I also. No one was whipping money, whipping quarters up at you. I had two different ones, but at this specific one, I also got dance training. So that was pretty cool by our manager. She was a hip hop dancer. So that was pretty fun. That's crazy. Yeah.

I think you're the first person I've met that was a go-go dancer. It's like, I'm so embarrassed. I'm so embarrassed to even say it, but it's true. And it was fun. I'm not ashamed. And was there, you were in like a shower and it would shower you? That would have been so sick. I would have done that.

Free shower? You kidding me? No, I think that's cool i make jokes because i used to you know way after i used to work at a strip club and i don't think i could ever like do that but i think my routine would be to come out in my underwear and put clothes on oh yeah very outside the box come out with just tap shoes. Or like come out in a snowsuit and then there's just so many layers. You're never actually naked at the end. She's dancing to such a long song.

Boy, it's Meatloaf singing at this lady. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. An avant-garde. How long is a usual set for a strip pair? Three songs. Three songs?

Three songs. The last one's supposed to be nude. Oh, nude the whole time. They don't just rip it off right at the end? I've been to strip clubs, but it's been a long time. Yeah. I think smart dancers just do it right at the end. Yeah. Because they have to make money other ways like

so they get paid a flat rate for their stage show and then they get um ten thousand dollars a year no i'm just joking i don't know what year it's different for everyone but uh yeah they get like you know some of them do lap dances some of them don't what's the plot of striptease i don't remember the plot of Striptease? I don't remember the plot of Striptease. I remember the plot of Showgirls. Me too. But Striptease don't remember. The Demi Moore one. Yeah. I remember she's on Burt Reynolds'

boat at one point. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that rings a bell. Maybe that's the plot. Burt Reynolds buys a boat. Yeah, I don't, I actually don't remember the plot either. She looked good though. She did look good. That's what I do remember. And Burt, this a plot. Yeah, I actually don't remember the plot either. She looked good, though. She did look good. That's what I do remember. And Burt, this was during his comeback period, post-Boogie Nights?

It was post. No, it was pre-Boogie Nights. I don't know about that. I don't know. No way of knowing. There's no way. But I do love Boogie Nights. That's a good...

I like that director. I like that movie. It's really good. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What's better, striptease or Boogie Nights? They both have their merits. Is that what the Demi Moore one's called?

Strip teas? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, isn't it? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What did you think it was called? Demi Moore. The Demi Moore story?

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, we just were in Calgary. We sure were Graham and I did a show As the crow flies This was two weeks ago Yeah But we did a show at the new library in Calgary

Yeah Which is fancy It's beautiful I saw it I was like what building is this? The library And that was good It's beautiful. I saw it. I was like, what building is this? The library. And that was good.

Went there Sunday. Got a 10 o'clock flight out of here on Sunday. Landed there at 1220. Hung out at Graham's parents' house. Yep. Did the show. From 7 to 8.30. Got Graham's parents to drive me right back to the airport and flew home that night.

Whoa. It was a real jet set. Yeah, yeah. It was a real jet set. How did it feel? It was good, mostly. And then coming home at 11.30 on a Sunday night is not fun. No. Because the trains run like every 20 minutes.

And the train I got on only went five stops. And you've also missed 60 minutes. 60 minutes is already over. Yeah. Sunday night is weird. It's a weird time. But your parents were like, oh, it'll probably just be you on the plane. I don't know anyone who takes this flight out of Calgary.

And so I got to the airport and that little section of the airport was just people flying red eyes. Oh, yeah. So there was, and they were all leaving within like 10 minutes of each other at three gates right next to each other. And they were saying, so if you are going to saskatoon go down this jetway but go right otherwise you're going to be on the halifax yeah yeah don't you sleepy bastards so i got on the plane it was so busy i get on the on the plane and i'm in 15f my same seat is the way over probably the same exact plane. And,

uh, I get to my row and there's a guy in my seat and I say, uh, uh, you're in my seat. I'm 15 F. What are you? And he says, 15 D.

And I was like, Oh yeah, I'm, I'm in the window seat. And he said, well, are you sure D isn't the window seat? No, he's playing. Uh uh this is a very interesting this

is a game of mental chess and i was like okay well seems to go a b c d e f right and there's a little drawing here and f seems to be the one next to the window but yeah you're pleading your case very well so i'd like my seat please and normally i don't care like yeah uh the aisle is just as good yeah and normally but for whatever reason i was like i know you're in my seat let's switch anyway so he switched he stunk oh really he's done so bad well what kind of uh stink are talking about? Like a boozy? No, like mothballs. Like he had just been wheeled out of some kind of trunk?

Like he lives in a stinky house. Yes. And he cooks stinky food. He eats it. This sounds like a kid's story. The man who lives in the stinky house. And so he moved seats, but then they found the nearest flight attendant and he was like. Something stinks over here.

Is the window seat F? Oh, Jesus. Because he, no, we switched seats and then he went and he kind of looked at the like little diagram. The curve on the diagram is the window. Yeah. That's neat. Well, he, I guess he kind of looked at the like little diagram the curve on the diagram is the wind like yeah yeah well he i guess he thought that it was the aisle so he he asked the flight attendant is f the window seat and she said yes it is are you f and he said no so it also smells like they're cleaning the plane oh yeah yeah it's some kind of like mineral spirits or something like there's some a very like uh uh the aroma through the plate

is like they're cleaning the the engine of the plane but it's coming through right so i'm smelling this guy's stink i'm smelling some kind of like chemical cleanser. Aye, aye, aye. Then we get up in the air and guys, brace yourselves. It was the worst farts I've ever smelled in my life. I don't know if it was the guy who was mad at me for stealing his seat and he was kind of taking it out on me. I don't know if it was like you look

around like if there's one you're like okay fine yeah uh you're like i like this is an assault yeah i looked around to see who was the uh perpetrator and i looked behind me because that's the only face i feel like the other seat would have been more aired out yeah well there's no one in between us so but like yeah I feel like it had to be someone. Like, you're trapped against the side of the plane. I feel like it was someone in front of me or behind me. Yeah. But, I mean, I looked at the guy behind me,

and I feel like it must have been him because he. Just eating the thing of beans? If someone looked at me during that smell. Or he just nods at you? If someone looked at me during that smell, I'd be like, yeah. Like, I'm sorry. Whoa. Are you smelling this too?

It's horrible. But this guy just didn't even notice it. So I feel like it was him. Yeah. The one who refuses to acknowledge the Delta or something. Oh, boy. You've got to give me a rhyme. He who refused it, caboosed it?

Caboosed it.osed it caboosed it yep he infused it uh oh wow so but like and it was on it would last for like 45 seconds where i couldn't breathe and you do that thing where you're like well maybe i'll just breathe through my mouth oh no i can taste it now. Oh, where are those masks that pop down from the ceiling when you need them? You never thought there'd be a moment where you're like, more mothballs.

Yeah, more of you. Like, in the end, I was like, I wish I hadn't taken this guy's seat. Yeah. Well, I'd taken my seat. Yeah, you took what was rightfully yours. And I paid the price. Yeah, sometimes that's was rightfully yours and i paid the price yeah sometimes that that's the way it goes i paid the piper piping parts of his fun

um so then uh yeah it was horrible and horrifying i hated it um and then i got home and uh well well then the yeah the trains weren't very good. Right. And so I found a car to go like 15 blocks from. That's it? Like I got the train and then I had to walk up like 15 blocks to the nearest car to go because it wouldn't, the train wouldn't take me to my stop. I got a car to go.

And then by then I was starving and I drove to Wendy's. I knew that Wendy's would somehow worm its way into this story. So I had Wendy's at 1230. And then who stunk? The car to go. Oh man. So that was my trip to Calgary.

Pretty good. Yeah. Made it all in one piece. I like the ending. The ending. Yeah. The ending was sweet. The Wendy's? Well, I mean, because I don't smoke, I try to be harder on the other parts of my health. Exactly.

Fair enough. And you, how are you doing? I was also in Calgary. I stayed for a couple of days. Wouldn't your family be furious? If I just also in Calgary. I stayed for a couple of days. Wouldn't it be, wouldn't your family be furious if I just also left? Bye. Stayed for a couple of days. And on the Monday night,

I went out for a drink at the local pub, the Calgary pub, the Calgary pub. And you, you know, you were there. You did a show there while you were in town. We've all been there. But it's just this little likegary pub. And you know you were there. Yeah. You did a show there while you were in town. We've all been there.

But it's just this little like neighborhood pub near my parents' place. And went in. It was very quiet. And then this dude showed up. And he was like from the get-go. I was like, this guy is a character. This guy shows up wearing, he's wearing all pink. He's wearing a pink kind of Peter Pan hat with a giant feather coming out of it.

Oh, boy. He's got crazy sunglasses on. He's doing cigarette tricks outside. He's bumping the cigarette off his arm into his mouth. This guy is a wild party. Yeah, this guy came out of some kind of cool machine. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's Mr. Cool. Did he have top shoes on?

He might have. Did he have Peter Pan shoes on? He came into the pub and he was having a good time with his buddy and I believe his buddy's girlfriend. They were all chatting it up, having a time

he came over to where I was sitting complimenting me on my beard shook my hand then he went outside don't shake a guy's hand at a bar

I always do I know I'm just telling him like you're not performing for everyone that's true you're not campaigning

to be the he was he was campaigning to be the prime minister. The pinkest guy in the box. But then he goes outside and then don't see him for a while. And then I see the girl that he's with is very concerned.

Something's going on outside. Then the cop car shows up. And I was like, oh boy, this guy did something crazy. And then another cop car. This guy can't hold it. guy did something crazy and then another cop car and another cop car and another cop car four cop cars four cop cars a fire truck and an emt okay and i was like okay something is something wild is going on uh and the guy i see the guy being led into the emt truck so something he's done something where he's gotten injured somehow. And,

but I cannot for the life of me piece this together. I can't figure out what happened in what sequence. And then I go into the liquor store that's next door to the pub. And I asked the guy in there, Hey, what happened? And he tells me the whole story. He said,

first of all, you just came out of the pub and you're coming to the liquor store you have a problem yeah uh he he was the only guy around i know the guy from the liquor store so i knew he would know yeah so he knows this guy this guy he knows this guy is a character from he's always kind of around he's always acting wacky harmless harmless guy just just loves a wild party you know that's his thing so he somebody was uh uh at the convenience store which is on the other side of it's kind of an l-shape this sounds like i mean this is downtown calgary this is the center of it all no this is this is out in the this is out in the burbs i know uh. Somebody is going into the convenience store and drops something.

And this guy says something as a joke to the guy that dropped something. The pink guy said something as a joke. Yeah. Mr. Pink. Yeah. Mr. Pink says something as a joke. This guy takes it badly and challenges him to a fight. Oh.

So the pink guy is like, all right, we'll go fight. Oh, pink guy. Yeah. You're a party, not a fighter. Yeah. And then the guy, the other guy who was in the car, goes into his car and gets a hatchet. The other guy is like, I challenge you to a fight, but first let me get my hatchet. That's correct.

And then by Gary Paulson? Pink Guy has no weapons? Pink Guy has no weapons. So he attacks Pink Guy. He's got that hat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's got a feather. And he can fly, if you believe.

Is that how it works? Boy, if we didn't know the story of Pinocchio, don't get me started on Peter Pan. Anyways, he hatcheted him and then took off in the car where where did he hatchet he blocked it with his arm so he got hatcheted once twice not three times because then he would have been a lady yeah um this is like between this and the broken nail story, I just can't take it. Dave's having a night. Pink guy's boyfriend threw a basketball at him. And anyways, I guess pink guy was all right.

You know, they were able to get... Oh, he did have pink guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it was so much crazier than any scenario I concocted in my head. I thought he went into the liquor store and, like, knocked bottles over or something. Whoa! But it was so much crazier than any scenario I concocted in my head. I thought he went into the liquor store and, like, knocked bottles over or something. Whoa. You know, yeah. I thought he was, like, being too wacky.

Yeah. Would you remember what the joke was? He was being too hacky? Like, what could you say to someone? Have you ever had someone take something the wrong way and challenge you to a fight? Yeah, probably. And you have said, I decline. You win, I forfeit. Yeah, I see your invitation and I raise you.

I'll RSVP. I will not be coming to your fight. Yes. But I will send a gift. Yes, I'll meet you outside. Let me get a head start. You're so polite, Tom. You're going to take off.

Yeah, yeah. Oh. I have not come close to this situation. I can't think of, like, I wouldn't have even put myself in a situation. I've never been around someone who wanted to fight anyone. No. That's not true. That's a good policy. You know, but this, I feel like this pink guy wasn't looking for a fight.

He found one. Yeah. Or one found him. But anyways, crazier ending than I thought. Yeah. Yeah. I was just trying to have a drink at a pub, you know. Why, why, why is my evening?

You brought it on yourself. Yeah. You're like the cursed basketball team that everyone cheats on. But the other thing, the reason I was there. The story I thought you were going to tell. My brother and his wife had their first baby. So I'm an uncle now. You did it.

I did it. First time uncle. Your first time uncle. Yeah. Yeah. First time uncle. First time uncle. Pretty jazzed about the whole... What's the baby's name? Is it a secret? No. Mason. Mason like the jar. Like the jar. Named after the most popular

type of jar. I like the jar. Named after your brother's favorite band, Widemouth Mason. Yep. Which is also named after the jar. Yeah, definitely. Yeah. Ad adorable little baby uh and uh you know well you gotta meet him just the briefest of time i had to i had to be drinking in a pub later that day you passed out cigars to everyone in the pub yeah yeah yeah um yeah my my brother was pacing around reading the sports page. He took up smoking for the day.

That was crazy. But yeah, so yeah, first time uncle. How old was the infant? The baby? How old? When you held the baby. A day old. You smell that. Too new, too fresh.

So fresh. Yeah, exactly. Too fresh. You smell it? You smell the baby? I smelled the baby, sure. Of course. This is the opposite of your plane experience.

Yeah, but it smelled better than old mothballs. Oh, that would be the best if you showed up on a plane and there was just a baby sitting there. I mean, it'd be weird. You're in charge of this now. You're actually, okay. That's my seat, but. Sorry, I'm in 15 a goo goo uh yeah so i got to meet a baby baby you held uh it was probably margo you didn't even hold poppy uh yeah i held poppy yeah so maybe it was pop. But it, yeah, I don't get a lot of baby time.

Go hold it. Oh, Graham, you hold it. It's all snicker at you. Your inability to hold a baby. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I started putting a diaper on its head. I don't know how these things work. How about you?

Last time you held a baby? Well, my sister was in town so i held my baby niece who was six months old okay the baby yeah but i held her also at four days and that's too wiggly like too squishy too you know i'm so nervous they don't have any bones then they don't have a spine i'm pretty sure and then they're like they do not have kneecaps they're like bags of soup they're like ziploc bags they're like like they're like rolling they go wherever they can't even if you don't contain the matter yeah they're just moving all the time they're like they're they're coked up it's uh it's sooner it's too nerve-wracking like if somebody literally has

to hoist the baby on like that like i won be like, I'm going to hold the baby. I never once, well, no, I did. But like maybe two times in my life, I held a baby before I had a baby. Yeah. And they were both, hold this baby. You're so bad at holding a baby. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does this make you feel so inadequate for your own children? Like here, they bully you when you at holding a baby. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Does this make you feel so inadequate for your own children? Like, here, they bully you when you're holding a baby. Yeah, it was basically like, it was like Dave's, you know, 25, and babies are the furthest thing from his mind. Let's put one in his hand. Let's take the video games out of his hand, put the baby in there, see how he reacts. And you were a natural, I bet.

At holding their babies? No. No, not at all? Oh, move your elbow up. Move your elbow up. Her head. Her neck. She's in toxic shock syndrome now, Dave.

Because of you. Yeah. Because you were chewing on a pan and it accidentally got all over the pan. I don't know oh boy anyway so yeah I got to hold a baby got to see a hatchet victim so what a couple

of days the world just deals you different cards yeah he didn't lose his arm I mean as far as I know, it was still there. A hatchet isn't an axe. No. No.

If you take away anything from this story, a hatchet isn't an axe. And, you know, a joke is not an invitation to a hatchet fight. And listeners, if you ask for a fight, just do it with your hand. Yeah, with your dukes. Yeah. If you're the one asking for the fight yeah put your dukes up don't just don't be like i also have a hat yeah yeah yeah um i have a uh when i was the landlord at my old house um we had a tenant who was like really into camping and stuff and he had

like a canoe at the side of the house and he had a hatchet that he would use for whatever and we would sometimes see it around like he would just well like he would like leave it with his camping stuff in the side of the house he would leave it with his camping stuff uh it was no big deal i saw it like a hundred times and then we had this neighbor on the top floor who was a lawyer and she sent an email being like does anyone know whose hatchet this is like where did this come from uh was it i'm just concerned that it might be a weapon of crime and we abby and i were like that's's his face? Is this hatchet? It's no big deal. Yeah. But we love the term weapon of crime. Weapon of crime.

And we use that anytime we see like something outside someone's door. Someone was jimmying that door open with a weapon of crime. We sing the song, the Atlanta Miles song, Lover of Mine. We sing weapon. Oh,apon of crime Oh Crime Oh

Weapon of crime When it hurts so bad Wanna hold you in my arms We didn't change those lyrics My arms got hurt from The weapon of crime That was really nice You wanna move on to

overheard? sure we don't get a lot of Atlanta Miles knowledge on the show my mom loved her stop podcasting yourself is brought to you in part by zip recruiter my favorite kind of recruiter

zip of you hi zip recruiter I Zip of you. Hi, Zip Recruiter. I've missed you so. It's been a couple weeks, man. Yeah. Have you been smoking jazz cigarettes? Got a neck tattoo.

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I'm Brent Black, and we're the hosts of Trends Like These. Trends Like These is an internet news show where we take the stories trending on social media and go beyond the headlines. We'll give you the actual facts of the story and not just the knee-jerk reactions. Plus, we end every episode with a ray of hope

that we call the Y5 of the week. So join us every Friday on Maximum Fun. Or wherever you get your podcasts. Trends like these. Real-life friends talking internet trends. Overheard. Overheard. Boy, oh boy.

If you're out there and you're saying something hilarious, probably somebody listening. They might just report it here on the show. And we always like to start with the guest. Amber? I'm always so bad at this. Okay, so mine's mainly an overseen. Today I saw a gentleman of the city, a transient person. Okay.

the city a transient person okay with a big bad wolf like a hat slash like there was like a wolf coming off the side of it

whoa and he was walking while smoking crack wow that was pretty good yeah yeah yeah yeah um

I'm fascinated by this hat yeah no I wanted it it was like was it like you knew it was a big bad wolf too was it like uh realistic or was it like cartoony it was like cartoony like you know how people have those hats that are like bears or whatever and then like the the fur comes down as like a scarf oh yeah it's kind of like that but better cool it was like more like guys it's good

we're getting into wolf hat season that's right big red wolf hat yeah what is um so cozy you knew it was the big bad wolf oh yeah which one it was like identical to the goldilocks one or the three little bears one well three little pigs sorry three little pigs yeah isn't it isn't it the same guy wait goldilocks is three little bears no little red riding hood or the three little pigs that's right yeah i don't know that it's the same wolf but i mean Goldilocks is the Three Little Bears. No, Little Red Riding Hood or the Three Little Pigs. That's right. Yeah. I don't know that it's the same wolf, but I mean, he is a big bad wolf. We should look up the credits.

Yeah. Yeah. Dick Wolf, according to the credits. Created by Dick Wolf. Did you say you had another one? I had just like a, it's not really funny unless you have my take on it. So there's this guy who's like yeah the company's folding the company's folding and i'm in this sky train that's like jam-packed and

i just picture like all his fellow employees are also on the same he's like the company's folding the company's folding like trust me like on the phone to somebody but I just picture everyone he works with didn't know. Oh no! So that was... I told you them not replacing the light bulbs was a sign. Dave, do you have one? Mine is... So where I work, our office is right next to a casting agency.

And normally there's like, you can tell what they're casting or like the type of person they're good today's grandmas today is like yeah bad wolf yeah big bad wolf type um and today we were going out for a coffee in the afternoon my co-worker and i and we went through the hall and i was like oh today is they're casting beautiful people. They're casting 20-year-old studs and babes. Fun. And there was a sign on the door for the name of what they were casting,

and it was a commercial. It just said, Project Menstruation. So we go and we get our coffee, and I never see this happen. So we come back into the building and I never see them do this. Like at the casting agency, it's all just like you wait in the hall and you go in, but they had taken all of the women and taken them into a separate hallway and someone was briefing them on what was going to happen. And, uh, I just caught this a little bit. them into a separate hallway and someone was briefing them on what was going to happen and

i just caught this a little bit so you'll be taking down your pants showing your underwear and doing a little side swirl whoa side swirl i don't know what that i don't know what that means no i don't know what a side swirl is either but i never studied dance i don't think it's a dance move with your pants around your thighs something tells me it's like if the tampon string makes a circle oh god so i don't know if this was just like a briefing to be like this is your opportunity to walk out yeah yeah yeah this will be a pants down audition. Yeah. Wow. I would love to see if they're also addressing the men the same exact way. No, no.

Men, we're going to have you put on an extra pair of pants. Yeah, yeah. You're going to be wearing two pairs of pants for this audition. No swirling. If anyone swirls, you're out of here. I'm always like, when I see little snippets of the auditions I'm like oh that'll be cool when I see the commercial eventually I don't think in the year and a half I've worked in that building I've ever

put two and two together and seen the commercial oh like where you're like I recognize this was the right vibe from I think a couple times the like few times that I went out for a commercial I saw the commercial that I went out for that commercial, I saw the commercial that I went out for.

That's annoying. I did that, too. And I got, like, a call back for it. Yeah. And then I saw the other me, you know, in my spot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, no, like, we don't look, but we look, like, exactly the same. But I was, like, in full denial.

I was like, whatever. Yeah. but I was like in full denial I was like whatever yeah there was a good um Twitter uh um tweet tweet yes

tweet yeah you know like the newscasters when Twitter first came out am I tweeting yeah

what is this is this a tweet did I just tweet I guess I tweeted uh no like when you do a bunch of tweets together that are all a thread a thread yep uh there was one the other day that was like actors respond with the uh a picture of the role that you auditioned for that you were completely

wrong for oh that's fun. Yeah. I always, no matter what, whenever I hear about, like, an actor not getting a role, I think of that Grizzly Man guy that was close to getting the role of Woody on Cheers. That I'm just like, what a divergent path. Yeah.

But really, not that divergent. Like, I could see Woody Harrelson becoming a Grizzly Man. It is a real trading space oh boy your overheard my overheard your majesty

comes courtesy of the airport eating at the I don't remember what it was called doesn't matter Calgary Flames Cafe no it was don't remember what it was called doesn't matter Calgary Flames Cafe no it was on this side

so it was the Canucks Cafe and the server goes over to the table and I think this guy was I couldn't tell if he was

a pilot or a flight attendant but he had some sort of uniform on and she said and what can I get for you and he said i'll tell you what i'm not getting the avocado toast and then kind of gave her a but like she didn't ask what you were not getting and she also doesn't know your life like she doesn't think that's a ridiculous thing on the menu yeah yeah avocado toast is fine yeah that's a fine

thing to order it's okay yeah but like don't announce what you're not ordering. Well, it's also confusing for the waitress. Like, you just say the thing out loud that you want. Yeah. You say the thing out loud you don't want. Sometimes your brain is just on autopilot. And it goes, avocado toast, all right. Well, then she shows up with it and he is furious.

That's the one thing I said I didn't want. Or he thinks it's the best prank ever. He's like, oh, you got me. But seriously, where's my moons over my hammy or whatever. Or whatever. Whatever. I don't know. We're not at a Denny's, so why would you have that?

So we were on the same flight. Yeah. You went to a sit-down restaurant. Yeah, that's right. Wait, you guys were on the same flight all this time? No, the same flight going. Going to a sit-down restaurant yeah that's right wait you guys are on the same flight all this time no the same flight going going to calgary oh yeah okay uh but uh you went to a sit-down restaurant yeah you saw me sitting at carl's junior eating a breakfast burrito i don't think there's anything for me at a carl's junior no probably not yeah you didn't say

i'll be 45 minutes you Or you can go eat. Yeah. It's surprising that even at the airport where they know that you are only there to be traveling. They don't care. They don't. Yeah. They don't seem to be. Sometimes they'll ask like, when's your flight?

When's your boarding? Yeah. I feel like an exceptional. And they'll say, you can make it. That's kind of a fun. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. like the clock is ticking on them as well but they don't care they most definitely do not care um i'll either bring

you your check with your meal or after yeah and i uh uh i'm pretty sure i did the brian regan the youtube yeah uh where they, have a nice flight. And you say, U2. And you're like, little brother. Yeah. I think we've all done that. Yeah. But I think I did it on this trip.

And I was like, oh, man, that bit. You're like, even after this special, I'm still doing it. 30 years later. Yeah. Now, we also have overheard sent in from listeners all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Dennis, who has a Huawei phone. Says so in the email.

Send me my Huawei phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. This is overheard while doing some yard work. A kid walked by and yelled back to his friends, See ya, wouldn't want to be ya, then said to himself, but maybe in a while, crocodile. Why would you say that to yourself?

Yeah, it's... Crazy kid. It's later alligator. Yeah. In a while, crocodile. But maybe in a while he wants to be them. To be them, yeah. Maybe later I'll try it out. I will. I don't know right now I'm happy

cut off your face and wear it yeah yeah yeah single life female yeah that was the plot of that movie right she tries to

assume I don't think she wants to remove her face no not specifically but yeah yeah right

she gets the same haircut I remember that yeah maybe that's what the movie's about the movie's just like a big misunderstanding but when i'm trying to picture who it was it was bridget bridget fonda and jennifer jason lee yeah but i'm just picturing the like spoof that they did in um uh so i married an axe murderer okay which is it was just a different actress i can only picture that actress i don't think i ever saw it but i remember it being like a movie like indecent proposal where it just made its way into yeah oh yeah yeah yeah yeah it was like and uh basically it was a creepy movie

it was around like the time like where like all those scary movies yeah fatal attraction and

it was a thriller the babysitter like all those the hand that rocks the cradle yeah I believe

there's a murder with a stiletto oh heel not a stiletto knife um that although I might have spoiled the ending well with a stiletto. Oh, heel, not a stiletto knife. Um,

that, although I might've spoiled the ending. Well, I don't know what movie you're talking about, so I just, okay, cool.

Yeah, it could have been any one of them. So you didn't spoil anything forever. I'm wasted. Uh, this next one

comes from Adam B. This is in, uh, Los Angeles. I was passing by the Netflix building on Sunset Boulevard. And mostly this is the reason that I read this overheard, where there was a single protester holding a sign that reads, Save the OA.

Yeah, they were on a hunger strike. Really? Yeah. Wow. Last I heard it was a nine-day hunger strike. Nine-day hunger strike. I don't even know what the OA is. I know me neither. Cheers. Yeah. a nine-day hunger strike nine-day hunger strike i don't even know what the oa is cheers yeah like anytime i think of the oa i'm actually thinking of altered carbon

uh so yeah she's been out there for weeks today i saw her talking to a cyclist as i got closer to pass them i I heard this conversation taking place. Protester, what are you talking about? Of course humans are animals. Cyclist, no they aren't. Yes they are. What is wrong with you? And the cyclist saying human beings are not animals. I'm surprised

that they weren't talking about the OA. Yeah. That seems to be the top of mind. Is that the Tony Danza show? Oh, hey, hey, yo. If it was Tony Danza, yeah it seems to be is that the top of mine tony danza show oh wait if it was tony danza you wouldn't have to save it no it would still it would still be you what would you say is the answer to that question let's vote on it are humans animals uh yes are humans animals yes i vote yes. Yeah, I say yeah. Yeah?

Yeah, yeah. We're all part of the same stew. I got nipples. Can you milk me? Yeah, like if I disagree, it's not because I think we're like, it's like some kind of hierarchy. Right. It's just the technical. We're different?

Yeah. The capabilities of people are. So are humans are closer to computers? So what you're saying is that humans are computers. We're living in a simulation. I get it. Yeah.

And finally, from Bob M. This is a mom talking to her son. Do you guys know what we're supposed to eat on Rosh Hashanah? Apples dipped in honey.

And the kid said, I don't want to. It's my birthday. So, you know, I guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. When you're a kid, your birthday takes precedence over. Yeah.

Yeah. Cake before honey apples. Although an apple dipped in honey sounds pretty good. over cake before honey apples. Although an apple dipped in honey sounds pretty good. Yeah, it sounds pretty good, but not kid good. Yeah. No, that's true. Does Dairy Queen make an ice cream apple dipped in honey that has a picture of

Jean-Luc Picard on it? Or whatever kids are into. That's so frightening I will have a Picard cake Picard cake oh like a Star Trek cake? just Picard oh boy

in addition to overheards that are written in well a few weeks ago I really paused on that yeah and uh asked someone to ask the audience to remix it oh yeah we got one so this is from aaron a in sacramento uh i would like someone to just isolate the and you know make a song out of it in addition to overords that are written in

in addition to overords that are written in we also accept your phone calls we also accept your phone calls. We also accept your phone calls. Eee! Eee! Welcome to the jungle. Eee! That's on the John Cullen episode.

In addition to overhears that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. Thank you for that, Anthony. That was great. Yeah, that was awesome. Sorry, Aaron. that was great yeah that was awesome sorry aaron aaron aaron stage named anthony you too aaron uh there's no overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779, 1. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one like these people have. Hello.

Dave. Graham. Possible guest. This is Annie calling from Texas. I am a nanny and I'm picking up my five-year-old boss person. It was the first day of school and I overheard a son and his mom talking. He was older than my person, and he was crying, and he said to his mom, Ben got to go to summer school this summer, and I didn't get to go.

He was very upset. And the mom was saying, you know, kind of just nice things like, oh, that's okay. Then she finally said, no, you don't get it. He had to go to summer school because he's not smart. And the son was just quiet for a beat. And then he said, mom, I don't think you're being politically correct. Mom's canceled. Yeah, mom's canceled.

Wow. Wow. Huh. I also like that she called the kid that she takes care of her boss. Yeah, that was so funny. I was waiting for my boss. Yeah, the misunderstanding that summer school is a bad thing. Yeah.

That seems very much like a kid. Mm-hmm. Like, you got to do something I didn't get to do. I like that attitude i wish i could like turn my whole perspective around like that yeah yeah good for you you did summer school more work oh you got hot at it yeah you have to work on yourself i really wish i could take some time out and work on me yeah me. Work on me better. Because I'm stupid. Because he's stupid.

Here's your next phone call. Hi, this is Mitch calling from Calgary with an overheard. I'm at a skate park with my kids. And a boy, five or six years old, just showed up with his dad. And they were talking about some construction that was happening at the school. The boy to his dad maybe they're putting in some new benches here the dad kind of annoyed like yeah maybe that's what they're doing as the kid got a bit closer to me i heard a mutter under his breath well i don't know what they're doing kid well i'm just trying to get something out of you dad i'm just trying to connect on some level yeah you grump

just the dad at the end of his rope just trying to escape a small talk with a kid yeah the kid's the adult there yeah the small talk with the kid yeah the kid's the adult there yeah where the kid has to like ugh yeah the kid's asking you know what else

is going on like I love this age of children that I have yeah where they're uh so small

and they don't know anything and you can like explain what's happening yeah but once we once they know

enough to be like so uh what's explain what's happening. Yeah. But once they know enough to be like, so what's the deal with this proportional representation thing? I don't know. I don't know. Ask your MLA. Yeah. Okay, here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave Graham and esteemed guests.

This is Liv calling from Victoria. I've got a number here for you. Okay, so I am walking up from my sister's basement apartment, and I'm passing by the landlord's suite, which is up above, and out the window, this is what I presume happened, based on what I heard. One of their toddlers, I'm guessing, had escaped the bathroom and was hiding from his mom. And the mom goes, I will find you and I will wipe you.

That is my duty as your mother. And if you don't wipe it, too bad. Okay. Thanks a lot. Bye. Yeah. This is not a pleasure cruise for either of us, kid. I have a certain set of skills.

I will find you. You're going to be taken, but I'm going to be there to wipe you. Oh, boy. Adorable. Adorable overheards. Amber, that brings us to the end of the program. Okay. Yeah.

All right. She's fine with it. All right. Okay. Do you have anything upcoming that you'd like to plug? Yeah. I'll be opening for Damon Schroeder. He's doing an album recording the 3rd to the 5th in October.

Where's that? Oh, Yak Yaks. Thanks for asking. i'm just like i really should plug this because it's a recording and uh damon's like been a really good um support in my career much like much like you and um she pointed at me. And yeah, it's going to be a fun night. Gorilla Records is recording. I guess that's Jim Jefferies' label. Oh, cool. Yeah, yeah. So it should be fun.

Nice. Yeah, check that out if you're in town. I hope there's a gorilla there. Yeah, I hope Mr. Gorilla shows up. Frankie Gorilla. Gorilla Records? I think it's called Gorilla Records. Yeah, I think you're right.

You're not in charge of knowing what record companies are. Yeah. You're not the boss of the school. Do we have anything? We don't have anything to plug. I just want everyone to have a wonderful last week of September. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Enjoy the fall, guys.

Fall starts today. Yep. Grab a warm sweater. Oh, people in the southern hemisphere enjoy the spring yes yes

so often neglected yeah grab a grab your flip flops or your thong as you'd call it down there grab some tasty waves thanks everybody for listening

if you like the show why not tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.