Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 604 - Nour Hadidi

Episode Date: October 14, 2019

Comedian Nour Hadidi joins us to talk finance, yoga, and exclusive clubs.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 604 of Stop Podcasting Yourself, the Chad Kroger episode. Oh, he does, he owns 604 Records. He does. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who,

while I'm trying to think of a Nickelback song, look at this photograph. He looks at this photograph. A man who looks at a photograph. Mr. Dave Schumke. Thank you. A man who never made it as a wise man. Oh, damn it. Couldn't cut it as a poor man stealing.

Tired of living as a blind man. Sick of sight without a sense of feeling. Not a bad song. Not a bad song. Bad haircut and... Bad haircut. Bad haircut, bad vibes, but that song is pretty good yeah i also like hey i want to be a rock star that's a real oh yeah sing along you know stamp your feet kind of song

and there's look at this photograph what every time i do it makes me laugh and then what it's describing the photograph yeah it's a picture of mr magoo falling down a sewer drain did our uh your president um have a tweet about looking at this photograph yesterday? Yes, he invoked Nickelback. But what was the, did he know he was invoking Nickelback or was he just posting a photograph?

I think he was just posting a photograph. And people ran with it? Yeah. Oh boy. Well, welcome to episode 604 everybody Our guest from the six Yes from the six, that's right We'll be headlining a show at Stacked Market

This Friday the 18th In Toronto It's Noor Hadidi Hi guys Hello Hi Noor So excited Thank you so much for coming to be on the podcast

Thank you for having me. Oh, what a treat. Yeah. Should we get to know us? Yeah, let's do it. Yeah. Get to know us. Nora, this is your first time here on the podcast.

It is. Is it your first time in Vancouver? Second time. Okay. Love the city. Do you? Love it. What about it?

Everything. Oh, really? Everything, really. We don't have Uber. That's true it's fine we're really we have a city council that's really promising us uber and then then not delivering on it yeah what's stopping this what is stopping you from your uber dreams the powerful taxi union very strong here okay. They're very strong here. Okay. Yeah. A lot of people are going missing. A lot of mysterious ride-sharing people.

Yeah, yeah. Important Uber executives have gone missing. Yeah. In their trip from the airport. So this is your second time to Vancouver. You're here as part of like a cabaret festival. Yes. You're a cabaret artist.

I am. Yes. I am many things. I am a list of comedian, right? When you're a comedian, you just got to tack on as many titles as you can. Comedian, writer. Producer. Yeah.

Yeah. Artist. Artist. Absolutely. What are you? What else are you? Um um a flamethrower yeah flame eater yeah um just pick on the flames flame broiler um yeah i i do notice that that a lot of comedians will have actor sometimes director director in their bio. Next level.

But it's also, is it a lie? It's a lie. You have to do something once and then you're it for life. I directed a child's play. What was the name of that play? What was the name of the child's play I directed?

Little Lucy and the Lollipop Gang. Sounds great. It's actually filthy. I direct Instagram stories. Oh, that's a way. Yeah. Absolutely. I produce them as well.

Uh-huh. Produce a lot of posts. Yes. Yeah. I'm a curator because I retweet people. Yes. Yeah. These are all things.

How is your Instagram game? Strong? I think it is Yeah? Alright, let's look at it Okay So, I have a love-hate relationship with Instagram Okay

I had to delete it off my phone at a certain point Because, you know when you like Alright, let's get personal Yeah, let's dig deep I don't know anything about you Okay, so you don't have a crush on someone And you're on their profile a lot And you're looking at the like

Yeah, I do that with my wife all the time Sure Very wholesome You guys are taking a sip of a drink But it was not my turn to talk And so what are we doing now? I think it's a rabbit hole that you can go down And you're looking at the likes and the comments that they post a story. Did they watch my story?

So I kind of took a break from it. And now I came back to it and I just post things for fun because it used to cause me a lot of anxiety and stress. Right. And now I try not to look at who's watching my story. It doesn't mean anything. Are people looking at who's watching their stories? Oh, yeah. Okay. It's a big thing. Are people looking at who's watching their stories? Oh yeah. Okay.

It's a big thing. Yeah. That's yeah. So now I just do it for fun. If I want to, you know, I'd be watching more people's stories or fewer. Um,

do we do it when people see that I've watched their stories? What do they think? They think what a perv I've done it by accident where I pressed on the circle and then all of a sudden the story starts playing. And I was like, I don't even know this person. And now all of a sudden I'm watching this story. And they know you've watched it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a record of me having had watched it.

Well, here's the thing now. Instagram has changed their settings. So after 24 hours, you can't see who's watched. You don't have the list of viewers so only when the story is live can you see who's looked at it so you have to remind yourself to go back in 23 hours and 59 minutes and see right because you want maximum well you want to see if your crush looked at it but this system is better because you don't have to go back to the thing you posted two days ago to see if they looked at it.

Right. You know, it's better now. It's better for your brain. Absolutely. Who's your crush? Oh, my God. Damn, I'm blushing. Okay.

It's. Oh, she's going to tell it. Oh, my God. No. So I don't. So, no, this I no longer interact. I don't do this. This was like maybe six, seven, maybe a year ago where I used to tell it. Oh, my God. No. So, I don't. So, no, this, I no longer interact. I don't do this. This was like maybe six, seven, maybe a year ago where I used to do this.

He was a guy. He doesn't. This is just a guy. Yeah. Some dude. Some dude. Do I know him? No.

Okay. So, like, are you ever, when you were going on this crush's Instagram page, are you, is this like you're seeing a photo and then creating some sort of daydream for yourself? No, so he didn't post. What would happen is I would see if he looked at my stories. I see, okay. Yeah, and if he liked my posts.

And which posts did he like? And then I'd look at his posts and be like, who's Erica, huh? Why is she leaving emojis under the pictures? Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's fine because she leaving emojis under the pictures yeah yeah it's fine because i reported the comment as offensive so that's okay smart the uh uh yeah this is this is a young person's game this is like uh this is like modern flirting yeah this is the politics of dancing all my friends now go on dates from Instagram. Really?

Yeah. No one does the dating apps anymore. No, I've heard that. Dino was talking about that. Dating apps are over? Yeah. Even Bumble? Oh, no.

Bumble's new. Oh, Bumble's hidden now. Okay, good. I use Ashley Madison. How's that going for you, Dave? Oh, it's great.

Oh, wait, no. Oh, let's bleep it. Oh, no. I said the thing. Have you made a date through Instagram? No. No. Have you made a date otherwise?

No. I'm very shy. And no, dating is not my forte. I like to have a crush on someone, let that sit for six to eight months, do nothing about it, and then move on. That's kind of like you had a relationship.

It is. It's one-sided. So you're like, after eight months, you're like, we've grown apart. I wish it wasn't true, but it is. i don't even know who this guy is anymore but he's he's taking a picture of his sandwich that could have been us yeah he used to he used to be a rap man yeah yeah yeah um i'm only gonna take pictures of soups from now on. But like having a, having a, a long,

not a long distance, but an unrequited crush is a fun, it's a fun daydream. Yes. It's a fun thing to, you know, to have. And then now you have a,

an element of it on your phone. Yeah. Absolutely. And you didn't have to, you don't have to stand in bushes like days of yore. Yeah. You can feel, you have a new way to feel anxiety about it. Whether this person has.

Yeah. Because you don't even know if the person likes Instagram that much. Yeah, that's another thing. Like, are they the kind of person who is constantly refreshing? Right. Yeah. Like, I, so my, this is, these are, you know what? I wish these weren't the conversations I was having with my friends. But it'll be like, oh, I, he has a private account.

So I requested to follow him. He still hasn't accepted. He doesn't like me. And it's like, no, some people just don't use it. You know, like they log on once every two weeks, but we're comics and we kind of have to use it to repost shows and, you know, promote events. So why do I have to use it? I, so Graham doesn't follow anyone. Yeah.

I don't follow anybody. I have noticed that. Zero followers. Or followings. Yeah. Because this was before you could mute people. Yeah. Before that function came along.

So it was everybody's feed all the time, always. And I found it very helpful. I mute like 99% of the people's stories. I only watch a few people's stories. And then there's only a couple of people I've muted outright. And if they're listening, they probably assume it's them. The mute button has changed my life. It is beautiful.

You want to take a break from someone? Mute, baby. Yeah. Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. It's all possible now. Facebook is, for me, it's just like I've muted every single person. I just see things that are in groups. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But like the fact that there was a time without mute buttons where everybody that you followed, you had to block. Is Instagram the one for you? Are you on Twitter as well? Are you on TikTok? What about TikTok? I'm still not there yet. I'm not on TikTok. Are you not tiktok famous no that's for the early people in their early 20s you know i can't keep up yeah i think it's people in their early teens yeah it's it's definitely somebody who's like not afraid to put

a dance routine that they've made up out there in the world right but like i don't remember there being a part of my life where i'd ever be okay with that which is weird and you were doing all those lip syncs in elementary school yeah that's all those air bands did we call did everyone call them air bands um or was that just we would every year in elementary school the air band show you had you had this yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, you would do a song that you would lip sync to and maybe a little dance routine. This is great. Mm-hmm.

This is not something we had at my school. We had just a general talent show. And I guess maybe some people would do lip syncs for that. Other people would do karate demonstrations. That was my favorite. Yeah, yeah, yeah Did you ever do anything? Yeah, I did a puppet show Oh

Wow Yeah You? Talent show? No, too shy I wanted to, but I was really shy What did you want to do? I wanted to do comedy Really?

Yes Go out there and do some kid stand-up? Yeah Or, yes That's why we call you kid stand-up Kid stand-up, yeah That would be a great name for an album Yeah Kid stand-up? Yeah. Or, yes. That's why we call you kids stand-up. Kids stand-up, yeah. That would be a great name for an album. Yeah.

Kids stand-up. Nor Hadid-y. Kids stand-up. But then, like, people download it specifically because they think it's, like, stand-up for kids. Why not? How far off is it? Well, it's the deal with launchables. Oh, yeah.

I mean, kids. Oh, man. what's the deal with launchables oh yeah oh man she's saying what we're all thinking so in this new joker movie uh-huh he's actually a comedian i didn't know that yeah it's the first joker who's actually a jokester yeah yeah he starts out like he wants to be he wants to make the world laugh. Sick of these jokers coming here taking our jobs, guys. And in the ad, he's talking to his caseworker. Who's like, have you had any negative thoughts? And he says, all I have are negative thoughts. But he says it all scary? That's a joke.

That's a good joker joke. This is why he's not a successful comedian. But we don't know. Maybe he is a successful comedian in the movie. Oh, yeah. We haven't seen it yet. Maybe that's a good Joker joke. Like, this is why he's not a successful comedian. But we don't know. Maybe he is a successful comedian in the movie. Oh, yeah, we haven't seen it yet. Maybe that's the whole thought. Negative thoughts? Something like that.

A little take on it. But don't get me started on negative thoughts, Doc. So you knew when you were a kid that you wanted to be a comedian? Or that you wanted to do comedy. Yes. Not that I thought I could ever do it full time or even eight. Like I've always loved it and I've wanted to try it. Yeah.

I always loved watching because I grew up in Jordan. So we didn't have stand up. I would watch sitcoms like Mad About You and Fresh Prince. And I was loved with Steve Martin and Robin Williams and Martin Short. Like all those movies like Father of the Bride and Mrs. Doubtfire. And I've always been drawn to it. And I could never tell you why or how. I just loved it.

And then one time I saw this girl on like an Arab network channel. There was some sort of talent competition and she was doing standup. And I was like, Oh, a woman like she's doing this. But then I never thought I could do it because my parents are very pragmatic. My dad's a doctor. He always wanted me to be a doctor.

I did in high school. I chose to go the science route as opposed to arts. Right. So I always thought that, Oh, like it would never had crossed my mind that i could do this yeah and uh it also just like arab families like you have to be a lawyer doctor or engineer like those are options or maybe business school you know that could like if you're a real wild kid you go to business school and that know, that could be. Like if you were a real wild kid, you'd go to business school. And that's what

happened with me. Oh, really? Yeah, I went to McGill. Well, I got accepted into the McGill business school and it was the

best school I got into. I didn't know what I wanted. My whole life, I thought I wanted to be a doctor, but only because that's what my family

had tried to project onto me. Your dad was always dressing you in a lab coat. Making you carry around charts. Taking people's blood pressure and walking around with IVs. You know what I wanted to be growing up?

The Joker's caseworker. I know. Just setting them up with gags. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't think we've ever had a guest from Jordan. And I don't think we've ever had a guest who was inspired comedically by Father of the Bride. Yeah, that's true. Really?

Yeah. But, like, so that woman doing stand-up, was that the first stand-up you ever saw? I think so. Wow. Yeah. Huh. So, like, you don't even know who that person is? I don't.

Isn't that crazy? It is. Like, do you, you don't even know who that person is? I don't. Isn't that crazy? It is like, and you know what? At some point, somewhere along the line, you'll like run across that clip again or that person. You'll be like, Oh yeah.

And you'll be like, Oh my God. I hope so. Cause it was like on a, like it was, this was when I was in middle school. So this was early two thousands. Yeah.

Um, yeah. I, I feel like if i try and dig i'll probably find it it'll take me a while but i'll get there yeah yeah but do you have a someone like that or a clip like that that you yeah it was uh when i was a kid i used to listen to this i had this tape that was like kind of the best of just for laughs and there was one routine on it that i thought was so funny when i was a kid i was about buying uh your wife or girlfriend lingerie and uh one night i was at the the comedy mix here in vancouver and there was a guy in from out of town and he was

doing a joke and i was like boy i don't know where i remember this guy's voice from and it took me like it took me a couple hours and it was him it was alan havey was the guy and and i said to him i was like you used to like a long time ago used to do a bit about this and he was like yeah yeah he's like once in a while i'll still i'll still dig it out and do it. And what was that like meeting him? Great. Yeah. He was like, he was super nice.

He was, he's like, um, a guy who still writes and still like goes out and still enjoys doing standup. And, uh, but I was like driving me nuts while I was listening to it. I was like, Oh, where's this? Why do I know this? There used to be this really funny guy who had these scars on the side of his mouth. I knew it. And he would always, they had a different story about how he got them,

but one of them was about how serious he was sometimes so much. No, I, the one that's coming to mind for me is this, I must've been like evening of the improv or something. And it was this one guy. I still haven't, I haven't researched it that much, but I have Googled it and nothing came up. It was a really tall guy. I believe he had like a, a really blonde, short, spiky haircut and he pushed his arms out and he said, look at my wingspan.

And that was the entire bit. That's all I can remember of it. But it's like imprinted on your brain. And my brother and I would sometimes go to each other. Look at my wingspan. I love it. So you went to business school and then did you finish yes and then did you go into business yes wow what kind of business i studied finance okay so i worked four years at a bank in montreal started doing comedy around year well i had tried stand up once

the summer that i graduated, looking for jobs. It has been something that I've always wanted to do. And in those four years at McGill, I started watching YouTube clips. Right. So I loved watching Ellen DeGeneres, Gary Gullman, Kathleen Madigan, Wanda Sykes. Like, I would just obsess over. And I also loved Whose Line Is It Anyway? And I just loved comedy.

I just loved Whose Line Is It Anyway? And I just loved comedy. I just loved to laugh. And so when I graduated, I was like, I really want to try and do this. And there were some Muslim comedians in Montreal. So I had seen Ali Hassan perform a few times. And it's really cool to see someone who is kind of similar to you go up and do that. Because you think, oh, I'm inada and he's he's performing here like and he's talking about being muslim and when i started i was like are there any white straight bearded guys and then i saw a million of them

the first was paul reiser but then you were like, which one am I? And like, what was it that first time that you did it? Was that like an amateur night or? Yeah. Open mic at the, no longer the Comedy Works in Montreal. Oh yeah. Comedy Works. Monday night, I got the phone number for it.

I went there, I did five minutes. I bought up, you know, when you bring a bunch of your friends with you. It went okay. I was shaking. I was nervous. It went there. I did five minutes. I bought a, you know when you bring a bunch of your friends with you. It went okay. I was shaking. I was nervous. It went okay. And then when you do okay the first time, you think, oh, I got this. Yeah. I don't even need to write any material. I did the same set a second time

and I bombed so hard. Oh my god. Oh, my God. It was, yeah. And then I didn't do it after that. I tried to get a job. You're like, back to finance. Exactly.

Yeah, wow. Yeah, the fact that you brought out your friends to your first time, I didn't want anybody to know that I was doing it. I never once in the years I did stand-up, I never invited anyone. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't want anybody to know that I was doing stand-up. I never once in the years I did stand-up, I never invited anyone. Really? Yeah. Yeah, I didn't. One time a friend of mine showed up.

He's like, I had a feeling you'd be on this show. I bombed so hard in front of him. Oh, no. Well, can I say, until now, if there's someone in the audience that I know, I still get nervous. if there's someone in the audience that I know, I still get nervous. Like if it's say my dad, I had my,

I made my dad come watch me once, which was the worst mistake you can possibly make. Showed up dressed in his scrubs. Make it quick. This guy's dying. There's a guy on the table right now. Oh, my God. Oh, Graham, you're so funny. I can't.

Yeah, so, like, when there's someone I know in the audience, or if it's still, like, I'll shake and I'll get nervous and it's not, I'm not having fun, you know? Right, yeah. But now it's, and even sometimes when my friends come, I'm like, but you know what, this happened when I invited my friends, I was 22 and you do things that are crazy when you're 22, right? Like you're young and you don't have the anxieties that you have as an older person. And you don't think of the consequences of bombing in front of people. Yeah, you do.

I did. I think you were just brave. I think you were brave to go. I like, and I think it's fine. If you go, if you, if you,

if someone listening has a friend who's trying to stand up, go, don't tell them you're going. And if it goes well see them afterwards and if it doesn't sneak out they don't you don't need to ever have this conversation that i saw you bomb yeah that's true that's a good way or the not even the conversation i saw you bomb the conversation it was really good yeah with that head nod. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think that's a good for any discipline.

If a friend is doing something. And they don't invite you. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Just, yeah, exactly. Show up and then sneak out the back if it's awful. Don't sit in the front row ever, even if they do invite you. We don't want to see you.

Yeah. You, sir, are you from out of town? I'm your friend. It's me, Matthew. You're my caseworker. Yeah. Are you having any negative thoughts? Negative thoughts?

Don't get me started on negative thoughts. For instance, the other day I was spreading cream cheese on my bagel. And I thought, what if I just gouge my eyes out? And then, so, I am wondering, what is it like to work in a bank? Because I've never... You know what? We get comedians here every week. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

None of them have the office experience. This is what I bring to podcasts. What part of the bank were you in? I was in risk management. Oh, what does that mean? All right. So basically the bank... Okay, so I don't know...

All right. I don't know to what extent I'll go here. After the 2008... Financial crisis. Yes. Banks had to work on their risk management, like they had to beef it up. And so when the bank I worked for has, you know, they make money different ways. So we all go to the branches, that's personal.

Yeah. Commercial for, you know, businesses. And then there's sales and trading, which is basically buying and selling financial products with other financial institutions and for the clients. But before you enter into a transaction with them, you've got to analyze their credit worthiness. Analyze this, they say. Yeah. If our bank wanted to do business with another bank, broker, insurance company, mutual fund, brokerage firm, that's our department. We would analyze their financial statements. Analyze that.

Analyze this and that. Yeah. Give them a credit rating. Yeah. Negotiate legal documentation. Who's your crush? What's your credit rating? Yeah.

This is all so out of my depth like as soon as oh i was making eye contact but yeah there's nothing here yeah yeah this is uh like do you obviously you understood all this stuff well we're just faking it no i had to learn a lot. I think school, business school gives you good basics and fundamentals, but I don't think it 100% prepares you for any job you have. I took a financial statement analysis course, but it's on a much deeper level when you work at the bank. And they give you training and you learn by doing and you learn from other people and you learn by reading. But sometimes you just drop a bunch of money on the floor and no one cleans it up. Are you just dropping money everywhere? I mean,

yeah. What is finance? Um, so, uh, and in your risk management analysis, um, stand up was not risky.

Oh, wow. Look at that. Nice wordplay. Um, I up was not risky. Oh, wow. Look at that. Nice wordplay. Um, I, so when I graduated, I had a, I had to get a job to stay in Canada, right? Like, um, I had a, when you graduate from a Canadian university, they give you a three year work permit and that gives you a visa. But my dad was like, all right, you graduated.

Your family's all back in Jordan. In Jordan. He's like, you're on your own. I helped you with college, but you're on your own. You came over just by yourself? Yes. Oh, wow. Yeah.

Wow. But that's common for a lot of people from my high school. We would all leave, go to the uk us england canada get an education some would stay most would go back home right but some would stay but it was yeah was that not uh that must have been terrifying it was hard it wasn't terrifying the hard the hardest thing i've done was move from montreal to tor Oh, really? Yeah. Because when I, at 17, I moved to McGill and that first semester was incredibly hard. There were times I wanted to go home, but, you know, I was busy with classes. I was in a dorm room.

I had a roommate. It was a big culture shock, but everyone was doing it with me, you know, and I would go home once every three, four months. So I'd go home for the holidays. I'd go home in the summer. Right. Um, but the more time went on, um, Montreal, I was there eight years. It was first job, first apartment, first, first, everything really.

And I kind of just got into a routine there. and when I moved to Toronto, it was like I was, I had my whole, I was 26, 27, but I was doing well in Montreal comedy. I had a, I loved my job at the bank.

Like it was nine to six. I had been doing it for years. I knew what I was doing. It was a good paycheck. Montreal's a beautiful city, but I just had to think long-term. Toronto's none of that. Toronto is ugly.

Yeah. It's mean. Everyone's mean to you. All the jobs are six to nine. That's, what was, when you first arrived in Canada, what was the biggest kind of culture shock thing? Oh, a bunch, like, I never knew about being passive aggressive. That was new to me. Oh, we do that very well.

Yeah. Wow. You guys, especially in Quebec, were also some phrases I didn't understand, like take a rain check. I didn't know what that meant. No, we use it every day. Yeah, but I still kind of don't know what it means. No, I don't know. I don't know the origin of it. No.

Like, I know what it refers to, but I don't know... What does it refer to? Well, we'll do that later. Yes, okay. But what is a rain check? Is it like, this event was rained out, and so here's a... Oh, maybe. Here's a ticket for next time time or a check for next time.

Yeah, like what are we... Is it good that we're going to check that there is rain for next time? Is that what it is? No, we're not going... That's not it. No? No. But we all equally don't know what it is.

Yes, right. We all know different things that aren't true about it. Yeah. We've all come up with our own explanation for it. And that was what unites us as Canadians. So when did somebody drop that on you? Someone said it. I think it was in my... Was it your crush?

They always say it to me, Dave. Yeah, let's go for coffee. Actually, I'll make that a rain check. Yeah. Yeah, like, uh let's i'll make it a rain check um yeah like uh uh were there any other expressions now i'm curious yeah there were a bunch uh but rain check is a good one because you're like what the hell does that mean yeah uh i think even the first time i heard it, I was like, okay. Yeah. And so moving from Montreal to Toronto, weird.

Yes. Well, I like that there was no more French. That was a real big relief. Yeah. I had struggled at the bank. Like I really worked on my French, but it's really hard to be. And I lucked out the boss who hired me was from Argentina and he was kind of cool about the French thing.

But when he left, the new head was super French and I kind of felt stuck. Super French. Exacto. You're so multi-talented, Dave. You really do it all. Yeah. So it was just real. I kind of felt boxed in and at the time i wasn't i was still like between finance and comedy like i was doing comedy but i didn't know like i was still interviewing

for other finance jobs i came so close to working in corporate and investment banking with jp morgan here in toronto like it was between me and another girl and I would have, I wouldn't have been a comedian if I had gotten that job. And she would have. Yeah. She was interviewing for the job of comedian. She would have been at the transform cabaret festival. That's right.

This weekend. Yeah. Um, yeah. So, uh, so the, not having the French was nice, but, um, it was, it was really hard.

Well, I moved in February, which is the worst time to move to any city. And the job that I got, uh, I was in consulting now I was working at a, you guys familiar with, uh, uh, the big four accounting firms. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So Graham, you start with one. Yeah. Adams and Schulman. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, so Graham, you start with one.

Yeah. Adams and Shulman. Yeah. Oh, my turn? Yeah. The numbers people. Crestfield. And?

And KPMG. There we go. Fantastic. I interviewed with the Crestfield. Oh, Crestfield. Very good. Yeah. Yeah.

They passed on me. interviewed with the Crestfield. Oh, Crestfield. Very good. Yeah. They passed on me. So I worked with one of them for two years and I hated it and it was brutal. I think that's why I was the most unhappy. But I didn't want to

quit. This should be the subject of the show from now on. Why and when were you the most unhappy? Yeah. Imagine if someone's like, right now, guys, right now. I guess we would really be setting ourselves up. I was good until I walked in.

I mean, if I was the Joker's caseworker, I would not lead with that. Hey-o! And then, like, you no longer have a day job working finance. Yeah, I got out, thank God. Two years ago, I quit. But did you do, like, a dramatic quit? So I was waiting for my two years because they had paid me a relocation

expense and if i left before two years i would have had to pay them back so i was just patient i was gonna quit after a year and then i got staffed on a project that was let me still do comedy i had a really cool manager um and then i was just like just waited out and so i did and literally the weekend before the two years i got an offer to write for two weeks on a TV show in Toronto. And I was like, this is the perfect out. Yeah. So I walked just like guys.

So I'd love to still be here. You know, this, you know, I, you know, I'm in this cause I, it's my passion.

I love, I love the numbers. I love one. I love two. But, um, yeah. And then I quit and it was honestly one of the best it was the one of the best days

of my life i thought you were gonna say that to quit you invited your co-workers to one of your shows i did quit on stage but also bombed yeah yeah like i did stand up before i left they had these quarterly meetings and they asked me to do stand up no i ran into them i did stand up before i left they had these quarterly meetings and they asked me to do stand up no i never into them i did and they loved it they loved it okay i was making fun of them yeah good for you because you were like these these uh quarterly reports am i right everybody's Hey, did you get the memo? Office stuff. Oh, boy. It's like a cult when you work at one of these firms. You got to not just work.

You got the windbreaker. Yeah. They give you the mug, right? How much stuff do you have with the corporate logo on it? I do have a. Do you have a fleece? No fleece. I have a notebook, a pen.

I have a mug. And yeah, I don't remember what else, but they love to push that stuff on you. Yeah. You should get a tattoo. Advertising. That's the next level. Yeah. Was it, what was the, what else was culty? Did they have like, what do you call those kind of like team building?

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to volunteer for the firm. You got to build. You got to help with proposals at the quarterly meeting. You want to show off what you've been doing. It's so competitive there. Like people work not only 10 to 12 hours, but then on top of that, they'll help out with other things with the firm.

And they want to. Like just for fun? Or just to be like, hey hey i'm a team player well at the end of the year you have a review and there's like four quadrants and you have to show them that you've done 100 in each of these oh boy and to get promoted you have to get a really good score and they only promote one or two associates a year and there was like 15 or 20 of us and every associate's pushing and their coach is pushing for them mind you i did so bad like i would do well at the job itself like yeah the client's paying us i'm doing because unlike the bank the bank i would go in nine to five this

is the job but with consulting you got staffed on different projects with different people every three to four months sometimes every four to eight weeks. So you're constantly learning and pushing yourself and adapting, which is a horrible job to have with comedy, you know? Yeah. Because you're like, sorry, guys, I got an open mic at six and I got a show at eight. Yeah, that 6 p.m. open mic is a good show. Yeah. But a good excuse to get out of there. Yeah, people are like a good show. Yeah. Yeah. But a good excuse to get out of there.

Yeah, people are like, I'm trying to eat dinner. Welcome to rush hour comedy. But, like, that sounds like hell. That sounds like to have a job, and then there's another job on top of the job. Yeah. Hi-ya-ya. To have a job and then there's another job on top of the job? Yeah.

Hi-ya-ya. I was at, just walking, I was on my coffee break and I saw, like, an office full of people in their office clothes and, like, coats picking up trash around the neighborhood. And I guess, like, a couple of them didn't remember it was trash pickup day. So there were some real high heels. Holding their briefcase. Oh boy. Yeah, I guess. I guess there's that corporate outreach thing.

Yikes. But you made it. You made it to the other side. You made it to here. Yeah. And look at you now. Look at you now. Look at me now.

Noor. Noor. Your name in lights. Thank at me now. Noor. Noor. Her name in lights. Thank you so much. Noor means light in Arabic. I know. Yeah. Oh, you do?

Dave, do you speak French and Arabic? Super. Super Noor. It means super light in French. Yeah, pretty good. And Arabic. Love it. Dave, what's going on with you?

Well, so recently I've been sick and I've been exercising and my body's been hurting a lot. And so I have quit exercise. I was like, this seems like, like I played tennis with my dad the other day and I just hurt so much afterwards. My dad is not, I beat my dad at tennis. Like it, it shouldn't be, my body shouldn't hurt this much.

Do you want me to call my dad? Yeah, maybe. As I'm saying this out loud, I'm more like, oh, should I go to a dog meeting? Oh,

yeah. What I have started to do is I've gone to yoga. Oh, really? I'm gone to yoga. Oh. Really? I'm a big yoga guy now. Wow. Always have been since Saturday.

But since Saturday, I've been to two yoga classes. Nice. And? Are you a yoga head? Tell us everything. I'm in and out of yoga. Oh, okay. You know what I mean?

They get me for a few months, and then I get out of it. Graham and I did yoga once at MaxFunCon 10 years ago. I think that was the last time I did yoga. Had you done it before? Yeah. I did it to I think to impress a girl and

I think I failed. I think those are my two yoga experiences. I did it once again after I did prenatal yoga when Abby was pregnant

yeah and so that was is that what you're still doing are you still doing prenatal I snuck into a prenatal you're like this is the one I know this is the one

but I like my story is that like my wife left me but I signed up for this prenatal yoga class. I already paid for the whole. Yeah. So if there's like a dummy I could work with and they're very understanding over it.

Women first yoga. Yeah. My, my favorite yoga move is when you extend your leg out the class. Oh my god, that's the best one. Did your caseworker set you up for that one?

So I did a So yeah, I went to two classes. The first one was very casual. They're they're only like labeled in the classes they just tell you who the teacher is and whether they are regular yoga i think there's an intro to yoga a restorative yoga if you're injured which maybe i should do intro or restorative yeah but they don't work with my time.

So you went into advanced? No, there is a power and a flow and just regular. And so I just did a regular. Yeah. And it was a very good pace. It started on the ground. Like. So yoga that starts in the air?

Well, or on your feet. I mean, it started sitting as opposed to a lot of like stepping over yourself and stuff. Right. And yeah, you weren't hoisted up on silks. Well, I was, yeah, I was taught by pink. Uh, she's so talented. Um, so, uh, uh yeah that was good they were there was like very little um laughing at me they didn't they didn't take time out all right let's all form a circle around

dave we're doing laughing yoga at this guy who's so bad at it because my fear is that like the teacher will have to every move come over and be like uh no uh no no you're going to hurt yourself one time my yoga teacher told me you're stuck in your lungs try breathing through your back i was like what does that mean they heard it somewhere and they thought they would try it out yeah like you should stop talking out of your ass how's that buddy huh how about you do that i love i love the uh because obviously the teacher was like nobody's gonna question you you can say whatever shit you want that is like something so i've been to that i went to that

class and it was good there was like a little the teacher did giggle a bit like and i feel like it was at me because i i i feel like there's an uh they feel they they want you to already be at a certain level right uh even if you're not you know the like there's people who aren't flexible in the classes and there's people of varying abilities but they all know the words and then they know the poses and this first class was very good of just like you do this, you get on your knees

and now you are in child's pose and then the second class I went to was was like it was labeled regular yoga as well but it was a lot it was on your feet and you step through to this and in your own time but also if you do not do it in your own time you'll fall way behind right yeah and then for three breaths and then like but like you're

counting your breaths and you're like at a breath and a half, and they're already on to the next thing. Yeah. I think my fear of any class thing is being the one who's falling behind, and also the one that's the worst at it. Mm-hmm. Which I feel like, in both cases, that would be who I would be at a yoga. Yeah. Were you the worst? Yeah.

Or was there somebody else that you were like there somebody else at least this person i was the worst but it wasn't like oh there was a guy who did get adjusted in my second class and so did i but he got adjusted a couple times nice so i was so yeah yeah yeah yeah so you were come on yeah come on bud up your game up your yoga game bro uh but yeah no i do get a little bit of like is the the teacher facing us is she our mirror or is she like when she says right foot but is she moving her left foot um and then like i you i had to really pay attention to the teacher and i was in a position where i was didn't have a great view of the teacher so i had to like turn my body over right and to see her all the time i do get i do understand why there are so

many people i've heard of who are yoga teachers or have gotten their like instructor certification because going to these classes it's hard not to think you could do better. Like you like put a little razzmatazz in your little showmanship for a little bit. Like the first class I went to, the teacher, it's a little bit like standup. It's like,

I'm surprised there aren't more standups who go into like yoga teaching. Sure. Like the first class I went to, the teacher had her notebook out. Oh, wow wow which is like what i would do as a stand-up yeah she's working on some new moves yeah yeah just trying to step out what else what else is going on guys heard of the kombucha specials

yeah i uh like yeah it's just any kind of class, I just, I'm envious of people who are like, I'm just, you know, like, I bought one of these passes that you could go to all these different classes with, and I'm just like, ah. Passes for classes? Yeah, yeah, yeah. What is this, a rap contest? What, are you going to rap class? Yeah. test what are you going to rap class yeah um but uh one thing i will say is like uh i feel better afterwards my body doesn't hurt so much um but then it does again later right yeah but i i sleep i've been sleeping very well after them really not during well that's part of it too is like

you get to have a little nap a little like some people because there's all these like bolsters and blocks and um uh what do you call it straps that you can use uh and then there's blankets as well and i noticed like i went to a night class and in the last 10 minutes it's all just like, close your eyes, relax. And some people put blankets on. Wow. Isn't that restorative yoga? That wasn't labeled restorative yoga, but maybe. I mean, I think in a certain sense, it's all restorative.

Yeah. Yeah. And are you currently in a yoga phase or? No, I'm out of the yoga phase now. Okay. Are you doing any other classes? No. Nothing. No, I want out of the yoga phase now Okay Are you doing any other classes? No Nothing No, I want to though

It's one of those things where I'm like This is the week I'm going to go And then I just don't Yeah See, I never have that thought I never have the thought This is the week of I don't know why I didn't do anything

Before I had children Like now that I have kids and no time And like trying to fit things in and like right an hour here and there i don't know why i ever did anything before yeah because i guess i was doing stand-up at night yeah the video games were a lot of fun they're they're more fun than yoga video games aren't fun anymore they're getting worse They do look like a lot of fun. I haven't played a video game in some time, but they do look.

That goose one looks good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you video game at all? I used to play a lot of Nintendo growing up. Yeah. Super Mario Brothers. I had a Game Boy

well into high school and parts of undergrad. Yeah. I loved playing Pokemon. I, uh, loved playing Pokemon. Um, even had, uh, cause I didn't have all the games in Jordan. So I would download an emulator on my computer and I would play the games on that. And there's this game that I still love playing until now called fire emblem. It's like a war strategy game.

Okay. And yeah. What's that on? Uh, Nintendo game boy, but it's like the old school. Remember the one that flipped up? Okay. And yeah. What's that on? A Nintendo Game Boy, but it's like the old school. Remember the one that flipped up? Okay. But you could, there's websites where you can play it online. Just Google Fire Emblem.

Okay. Fire Emblem. Okay. Yeah. I, you know, I'll try anything. I try to yoga. Yeah. Honestly, it really helps me with my anxiety because sometimes you just got to disconnect

and it's a great way to just play it and yeah. What's the look on your face when you're playing video games? Like scrunched. I'm like, yeah, just like, it looks like I'm either analyzing a credit statement or playing a video game. For me it's the

slack jawed like. Yeah, I think I'm always looking down if I'm playing I feel like that in a Game. Yeah. I think I'm always looking down if I'm playing. I feel like that in a Game Boy setting. I'm holding it down instead of up. I'm doing the opposite of what yoga would tell you. Right. Well, I don't know what they're telling me.

Do they do Game Boy Yoga? No, that's a class I would sign up for. Absolutely. I think, like, I would sign up for yoga, like, if it was labeled like yoga for the worst people. Absolutely. I think like I would sign up for, you know, like if it was labeled like yoga for the worst people. Yeah. I think that's just what intro yoga is. But I want even,

I want sub intro. I want like, boy, oh boy, did you let this slide? Boy, oh boy, yoga.

I did buy some like, well, not yoga pants but like tights to wear under my shorts oh yeah just cause I was like well sometimes I see basketball players

wearing these but also I don't know how much of up my shorts everyone can be able to see

yeah well better safe than sorry yeah yeah absolutely they do have that roving camera I go to upskirt yoga. I wear a skirt as well.

A skort. A skort. So, yeah, that's me. I'm kind of, I guess, a bit of a yoga master now. Yeah. Well, good for you for, like, there was a problem. You are trying a solution. Yeah.

Yeah. Instead of just being like, ah, that just doesn't work anymore. Just like, how many back pills can you take? A lot. Oh, okay. Maybe I'll take a whole bag. That's nurse dad. Yeah, I'm going to call him right now.

Got to conference him in. But I have a question. What? Yes, you there. Did you go to Lululemon to get your yoga pants? No. No.

Okay. Where did you go? I went to Nike. Okay. So they're not, they're just like regular tights.

They're just, yeah, they're for athletics. So you can use them for other sports. I guess I could.

Yeah. You can wear them on the court with your dad. That's true. See what he thinks. David, there's a dress code here. I remember when I was a kid, I played soccer and Michael Jordan started wearing like bike

shorts, like spandex shorts underneath his basketball shorts. That's because he'd always do that big, he'd spread his legs so wide when he'd go for those hoops. And when he would stick his tongue out, he had to start wearing a dental dam. And I was like, oh, that's cool. Dad, can I get some spandex shorts? And he was like, I'll try. They don't really make them for skinny leg nine-year-olds.

They do now. They're baggy on you. They were. They were not tight. They were not even close. It wasn't like they were a little, there's a little wrinkle in there. No, they were like loose, blowing in the wind. Just like wearing a pair of khakis under your shorts.

But it was good because like back then, soccer shorts were so it was they were doing they were covering up yeah my pasty pasty thighs oh sorry good boy someone's that was someone's kink i just set off pasty pasty yeah sure what's up with you graham i uh speaking of dress codes okay i got thrown out of i did a show uh this this past week at the uh at a place called the vancouver club oh which is this very exclusive i don't know how you become a member of it i think if you have a lot of money. Yeah, it is a, it's like a social club. It's not an athletic, is it? Or do they have like squash? They might have a pool somewhere in the building.

But it's like, it's like club chairs and. Yeah. And like. Old wooden stuff. Lots of old wooden stuff. Lots of pictures of the queen. A lot of old portraits of like a Scottish man who maybe invented the club. Sure.

You know? But it's, I don't think I've ever been in a club like that before. I mean, I've been to like a golf club. I've done a show at the sailing club here. I've been to the Arbutus club, but they all are like activity based. Yeah. This is like you have some money and some social standing. And you can get a scotch.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You could get a scotch. Well, probably at some point you could have smoked a cigar in there. Yeah, yeah, you could get a scotch. Probably at some point you could have smoked a cigar in there. It's like a building that, you know, it's just got the emblem, like, on the outside. It doesn't say. You need a special ring to open the door?

It did. It felt very, yeah, cloak and dagger. So what was the show? It was They had done This Once before Just a comedy show Like

Comedy night At the Vancouver club So all Everybody that was there Was members And They were all

Wearing members only jackets Yeah yeah yeah And They were Like The room I don't think they did this on purpose but the room looked like something out of eyes wide shut like the lighting was very like yeah i don't think they did it on purpose but i think it's probably it worked but worked backwards yeah

yeah yeah they're like what do we do for the eyes? Do you know Eyes Wide Shut? No. Oh, you should see it. Is that a movie? It's a movie, yeah. Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman. And they go into like an underworld sex cult or something like that. But it's like a classy one. Yeah. So Scientology? Sort of, yeah.

I mean, yeah. Was Shelly Miscavige there? Yeah. Was Shelly Miscavige there? Yeah. But it feels like this is a thing from a different time. Yes. Like this type of club.

Now you would just go to the Cactus Club. Where you're always welcome. Yeah. Yeah. But, you know, it's like a place where they had, there's a dress code so you for comedians uh i wore jeans and a tuxedo shirt yeah tuxedo t yeah tuxedo t and and those glasses that look like 2019 like new year's eve glasses what does that fit into the dress code? I was trying to be fancy. For our dress code, you must wear a certain type of glasses. But the thing that's the kind of, not strange, but I've never been in a place where this is the rule.

You can't be on your phone. Oh. If you have your phone out, if you're texting on your phone, if you're talking on your phone, you'll be asked to put it away. Yeah. For the show or? Oh. Totally. Oh, wow.

Wow. Good for them. Yeah. It's weird. It became club policy after their crushes were causing them too much anxiety on Instagram. What happened? Yeah. Looking at the stories and the likes.

Absolutely. Yeah. And they're like, nobody's paying attention to the cigars that I put out. And I think that it was probably for a stretch of time, it was probably a club that was men only. And now women are allowed. But still no trans people i don't know uh i didn't look at the full uh list of rules but the phone one was one that uh so i just ended up going and using the bathroom a lot to just go to look at your phone yeah go on my phone yeah the uh well the bathroom is a place i guess in like change rooms that's the only place i can think of where phones are usually banned

yeah but like this was the opposite it's like you had to go find a secret place to go just go on your phone and look at twitter kind of like the met gala oh yeah phones are banned unless it's in the that's why all the celebrities had photos in the washroom. Yeah, yeah. So if you think about it, it was like you were a celebrity at the Met Gala, Graham. I guess you're right. Me and seven of my girlfriends oceaned that place. I saw that movie.

Yeah? I think. You think you saw it Or you It was on TV And I was like I think I watched this A few weeks ago

Yeah I don't remember Anything about it You know Didn't really stick with me Fun I'm sure it was a fun heist Yeah

I bet you Each one of the women Had a different skill That they brought to the table Uh Any one of them Not being there Would have made

The caper incomplete. Yep. And. And have you seen it? No, but this is, I'm filling in the blanks. Sandra Bullock is related to Ocean, Danny Ocean from the George Clooney movies. George Clooney versions. Yeah.

Can I just say, I love those movies. I own them on DVD. I've watched each one at least five times. Which's the best one first one okay 11 yeah 11 the og you've seen eight no i haven't you haven't you love them but you haven't seen eight i stopped watching movies a while ago oh how come i don't know i feel like uh with comedy and the job i just didn't have the time. Yeah. And then it just became a habit.

Like, I'd be like, no, I'll just wait. This is me never going to sign up for anything before I had kids. Right. I just don't have the time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So you don't watch any movies? If my friends really want to go to something and it's like a group thing, I'll go. Okay.

That hasn't happened in a while. Can I recommend a movie? Please. It's about this comedian. And he is the Joker. And it's called The Joker or Joker, I don't remember.

Or Jokeman. We're recording this the week The Joker comes out. It's not out yet. We apologize if any bad thing has happened that's right but yeah so I went

I went in the exclusive club then otherwise for sure I wouldn't have been allowed in how was the show

it was okay it was like it's weird because it's not it's like this huge high ceiling room. Oh, no. And so you're kind of, all the laughs go up.

And also, I think there were a lot of people there, never been to a comedy show before. So they were expecting the Joker. And how did they relate to your, how much of your set is about riding the bus? They relate to it in a pitying way. Right, right. But they were game. They were game. They were, but it's just like, it's crazy that there's this.

There's two of them. There's the Vancouver Club and the Terminal City Club. Oh, okay. And I don't know the difference, but I remember in high school, someone in my high school was telling someone else. No one was talking to me. But two people were talking and one was like, the Vancouver Club, I might be getting these backwards, the vancouver club is the people who own vancouver the terminal city club is the

people who run vancouver and i was like i just remember thinking what's the difference like what's better i would rather i would rather just own yeah running it seems like yeah i i mean hard although diddy runs the city. Yeah, that's true. But that's only because his name rhymed with city. Oh, yeah, that's true. Conway Twitty runs the city. Well, yeah, so I got to sneak into an exclusive club. Did you bring home a membership form application?

Yeah. Oh, and the bathrooms, they were so stock form? Uh, yeah. I, uh, they, oh, and the bathrooms, they were so stocked. Uh-huh. Yeah, you know, like. Was there an attendant?

There wasn't an attendant. May I swipe your phone for you? Um. Did you sneak home with pockets full of little soaps? Uh, I, I didn't take any soaps, but, uh but they had...

A pump of mouthwash? Yeah, I kept a pump of mouthwash. I pumped it right into my jacket pocket. I'll see you later. Yeah, there was mouthwash. No paper towels, all like towel towels that you then threw in the like... Laundry basket.

Laundry basket, yeah. all like towel towels that you then threw in the like laundry basket fireplace. We are only the most wasteful. If you get wasted, what's the point? Do we want to move on to a bit of business? I don't remember, but maybe we do um one more question yes uh when you told did anyone tell like a really uh off-color joke and you could hear a bunch of monocles falling into glasses yeah and also a couple of uh dowagers uh falling over yeah

uh yes both of those things happened and uh and i also uh ended my set by splaying out on a piano and singing uh i want to be love by yeah sure with with bow bridges yeah it was the fanciest night of my life okay now let's move on to business or other all right okay everybody it's business time this week we're brought to you stop podcasting yourself is brought to you by squarespace hello oh who are you you little funny man my name is uh uh share face share face share face share face thank you oh well you know what you look a lot like share in the face oh thank Uh, uh, chair face. Chair face? Chair face. Chair face. Thank you. Oh, well, you know what? You look a lot like chair in the face.

Oh, thank you. That's all the plastic surgery, uh, reupholstery I've had done. Oh, because you're a chair face person. That's right. Yeah. I noticed you don't have chair arms or body. No, just a chair face. Hmm.

The whole face is like a big comfy chair. Yeah. But don't sit on it because it's my face. Well, some people might argue. Here's some things you can do with Square Face. I mean Squarespace. You can create a beautiful website to showcase your work. Blog and publish content.

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website or domain. That's squarespace.com. Enter code SPY. Any final thoughts? Don't always remember more cushion for the pushing. Oh, it's there, babe. Hi, this is Rachel McElroy. Hello, this is Griffin McElroy.roy and this is wonderful it's a podcast that

we do as we met we are married and how's the ad going so far because i think it's going very good we talk about things we like every week on wednesdays one time rachel talked about pumper nickel bread it was so tight you cannot afford to miss her talking about this sweet brown bread we also talk about music and poems and, you know, weather. There is one. Weather? One time Rachel talked about Baby Beluga, this song, for like 14 minutes and it just really blew my hair back. So check us out on MaximumFun.org.

It's a cool podcast with chill vibes. Amber is the color of our energy, is what all the iTunes reviews say. They will now. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where when you hear something great out there, it's a crime to keep it to yourself. Share it, I say. And we always like to start with the guest.

Norah, you were saying that you have two. I do have two. So the first, they're funny for different reasons. So the first is I was hanging out with another comedian before a show. And she was on the phone with OSAP, which is in Ontario, the organization that you pay your student loans back to. And she was making her last payment. She was so excited, but she couldn't access the site because it was down.

So she was just talking to them and it was the funniest thing. Like they were making her listen through all these options. She's like, this is why people don't want to pay you back. Yeah. And then when she finally got through to someone, they were bonding over the site And then she said something so funny

She said Yeah, let me tell you this new Why did you guys change it to this new site? It's a maze and not the fun kind Yeah, like a corn Yeah, that's the fun kind Yeah, I guess a bad kind is It's a labyrin. That's the fun kind of maze. Yeah, I guess a bad kind is... It's a labyrinth.

What's the difference between a maze and a labyrinth? A maze is you're trying to get out. A labyrinth, you're trying to get to the center. So you can make out with a minotaur? Yeah, so you make out with a minotaur. You can finally... Reach the goblet of fire. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

This is why you would even enter into a labyrinth. Yeah, sure. Goblets, Minotaurs. You know what, I do apologize. Goblets are in mazes. Oh, goblets are in mazes. Goblet is in the middle of the maze, right? In Harry Potter, Goblet of Fire.

But does it also, well, then it's a labyrinth. If you're trying to get to the middle. Yeah, I think if you're trying to get to also, well, then it's a labyrinth. If you're trying to get to the middle. Yeah, I think if you're trying to get to the middle, then you're in a labyrinth. No, you're trying to get to Azkaban. When you're being chased by your father and it's, you know, you've got the shining and you're trying to hide from him, that's a maze. And when you're sliding into third and your pants are full of chur, that's diarrhea. That's diarrhea, yeah, yeah, yeah. third and your pants are full of chur, that's diarrhea. That's diarrhea. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Dave, do you have an overheard? Sure. Okay, then. This is one I got this morning. Dropping my daughter off at school. There were these kids choking. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. There were like eight-year-old boys.

Yeah. Just like making the most disgusting hacking phlegm sounds while eating apples. Okay. So they were eating apples too fast. They were eating apples and maybe one of them was hacking up some apple. And one of them said, my mom says if I eat one apple every day, I don't have to go to the doctor. I don't think that's exactly what the saying is. The kid has misunderstood the deal that's been struck.

By the rhyme. Yeah. But you know what? If there was a food that you could eat every day and you wouldn't have to go to the doctor, I'd eat it. You know? Absolutely. I don't. What do you think the closest thing is i know there's all there's ginger oh good i was gonna say garlic yeah that's a good one but there's always studies they never it never makes the news

anything other than like chocolate or wine yeah that turns out Wine isn't as good for us As we thought Until the next study comes out When it's great for us Yeah And you know The people keeping The garlic industry down Vampires My

Oh you know what Actually Keeps the doctor away Ginkgo biloba. Oh, yeah, sure. You've heard of that. No. You haven't ever had any ginkgo?

No, I don't even know what that is. Biloba? Yeah. Ginkgo? Biloba? It's like, is it a plant? I don't know. Okay.

All right. I hear it in commercials for supplements alongside St. John's wort. And acai berry. Is that how you say it? Acai? Yeah. Acai berry. Yeah.

Don't make fun of someone who can't say it right because that means they've read it on a menu. Or on Reddit. What, how would you say it? A-C-A-I? I'll be honest. The first time I read it, I thought it was a menu or on reddit um what uh how would you say it acai i'll be honest the first time i read it i thought it was a kai i honestly thought it was a kai yeah the first time i read it and then i put things together when i heard people saying acai yeah yeah and then you're just like okay okay okay just i'm confident in the roll of day yeah oh youx You know what I'm probably never going to have to say it No but you never know It could become your new superfood

Yeah it could be First yoga that's the first step Then it's acai After I went for yoga I jokingly texted Abby Because this yoga class was at 8 in the morning I texted Abby Me and some of my new friends from yoga are going out for drinks.

So it's going to be a while. 9 a.m. Chardonnay. Me and my friends, none of whom I spoke to or made eye contact with. I spoke to or made eye contact with. My overheard was courtesy of being in New Brunswick. Wow. World traveler over here.

World traveler. People in New Brunswick very friendly. Very friendly. Very handsy. Very handsy, yeah. Always with the back rubs smelling the top of my head for that new baby smell. Yeah. But like I was in, I was in St. John, people very proud of the city. Yeah.

And I was having lunch and the waiter um was recommending i go to the new brunswick museum and he said i go there every week and then i heard like the chef say to him as i was walking out the door go there every week like it's not like a new exhibit every week you told me that last week but i don't think you added the chef part yeah yeah yeah it was the uh as then you went to the new brunswick museum and no one was there then nobody was there i was the only one who was walking around in this empty music because the waiter was still working of course yeah he would be there after the shift.

Well, one day he would. Did you say you have a second one or no? I do. Oh, yeah, yeah. But I don't, I feel like I have first one went really well. So if this one doesn't go too well, we can just cut it out. Okay. All right.

I was, so on the flight here. I'll just mark where to cut it out. Okay. Yeah. Thank you for your story. Yeah, that's it. Thank you so much. So I had the aisle seat and there was a woman already sitting in the middle. And then this guy walked into the, you know, he wanted to go to the window.

First thing he walked in, he had nothing to put in the overhead compartment. I was like, wow, what a free spirit here, traveling light. And then we were taking off and I'm so, it's a 7 a.m flight which should be illegal and i have my uh eye mask on and i'm trying to fall asleep but then i as we're like starting to accelerate he picks up the phone and he starts a phone call wow yeah and i'm like i gotta hear this and i i from what i can hear i'm like first of all the confidence of this guy they've already asked us to turn off the phone yeah it's already and then this guy calls he's like uh this one guy's trying to get in touch with another guy but can't so he called him he's like oh he's trying to give him his schedule i don't know

where he is uh uh have you tried him at home and he starts giving him he's trying to give him his schedule i don't know where he is uh uh have you tried him at home and he starts giving him the phone number to call him at home as we're in the air and then he's and then after he does he's like all right well we're on the ramp now i was like no we're already off the ramp we're skybound you gotta turn it off don't ruin this for me this person needs to know I haven't left the ground yet yeah exactly I'm talking to a flight attendant though man

they would burn me up I feel like those rules don't apply anymore like not being on your phone no one's paying attention not being on your phone but talking no one's paying attention not uh being on your phone but talking talking talking on the phone on the plane but like just so yeah i just put it on airplane mode as soon as we run out of bars like if i can still uh check my instagram see if my crush has

liked my post yep that's uh just one last time before that gap of time. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, we also have overheards sent in by listeners. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. This first one comes from Josh S. in Denver, Colorado. I have an overheard that took place on the sidewalk between two, four or five year olds and an elderly woman who were stopped on the sidewalk,

staring into a phone. They were all gathered around children, very distraught. What happened? Elderly woman taking phone back. Oh, it's gone to gallery gallery mode. I don't know how to go back.

We'll just have to wait until the phone updates and restarts to get back to the camera. Maybe next time. I don't know if she's pulling one over on the kids or if she really doesn't know. Yeah, I don't know. But either way, those kids are not going to get to see that photo. No, they are not. And what was the photo of? Maybe a fancy cake.

Gather around my phone children yeah it'll show you a photo it's gone to gallery mode where you cannot look at photos um yeah i don't uh uh what's the most recent photo on your pic on your phone i think the one I took of you guys. Oh. Let's see. How do we look? We were doing yoga at the time. Yeah, mine is something I took in the bathroom at the Vancouver Club. No, it actually was a video that I took of you guys. The photo was of my breakfast this morning. Oh, nice.

What's the last photo you took? Oh, it's Chuck Shukat. Oh, nice. What's the last photo I took? Yeah. Well, I would show it to a child. Oh, you's Shack Shoe Cat. Oh, nice. What was the last photo I took? Yeah. Well, I would show it to a child. Oh, you know what? It was a picture of a possible Lego class Margot could take. Oh, nice.

A poster I saw. And you, Graham? A picture of me wearing an alligator mask. Is your phone in black and white? Yep. Entirely? Yep. Did you drop it in the toilet?

Nope. I just read somewhere that it's uh it says batteries no that it's just like less of a visual assault to have it in black and white so i've just had it in black and white that's what our parents phones were like when they grew up yeah exactly in the 40s uh this next one comes from elise Michigan. While exploring a local craft fair, a little boy and his family walked past my husband and I, who were walking our dog. As he passed by, the little boy said to his dad, who was holding a small cactus, That dog scares me more than my cactus. And that's saying something.

Yeah. Are you scared of cactus? No, Venus flytrap. Yeah. Scariest of the planets. Yeah. Are you scared of cactus? No. Venus flytrap. Yeah. Scariest of the plants. Yeah. Don't know where you'd get one.

A Venus flytrap? Yeah. Novelty store. I feel like they. A little shop of horrors. I feel like they would be good for fruit flies. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Are you a plant person at all? I have a few plants at home. are they doing they're okay they're surviving i've got a snake plant that kind of lives by it's very independent yeah i've got a chinese money plant which i only need to water a few times a week a few times a week you're you might watering everything else every day i should water it every day should you i don't know i only water anything like twice a week oh wow well here's the thing with this plant unfortunately i had something fall on it and i killed half of it so what fell on the plant a fake plant boy oh boy that's the most insulting way for a plant to die oh boy it's like how i was killed when a mannequin fell on me yeah yeah yeah

but you died doing what you love yeah having sex with a mannequin um uh this last one comes from Emily from Kitchener, Ontario. I was, I work in a co-working space where there is a mix of different companies sharing an office. One gentleman was working in the common area and talking very loudly on his phone. He was speaking with someone about, uh, their sit, how their situation was like master chef and whether they wanted to approach a situation in a boring, reliable way like carrot cake or take a chance like a souffle. A short while later, I saw him napping in the lunchroom. But that's an interesting way to approach your business is a master chef style. I think that's a good, like, anytime you watch TV, you should be thinking, how can I use this to annoy someone tomorrow? Yeah, it's a fun approach to watching TV.

It's something novel. Yeah. What can I absorb and then put out there in the world loudly in a co-working space? I watched a show last night. And here's why Bachelor in Paradise is going to help you do these reports. Do you like reality TV shows?

You know what? That's the one. I used to watch Survivor. I don't, but the one show I still watch is The Bachelor Bachelorette. Okay. I am a fan. What did you think of Evan? Yeah, was he the guy that jumped over the fence? No, I don't know. That am a fan. What did you think of, uh, what was the, yeah, was he the guy that jumped over the fence?

No, I don't know. That was Colton. Oh, Colton. Yeah. Listen, Colton and Cassie are happy now. They had a bump,

but I'm very, yeah, they're still together. They had a bump with cocaine. Here's the interesting thing is because they're not engaged. Like the season didn't end with a proposal, which I think is amazing. So I think they have the best chance of making it because there's no pressure of this engagement at the end.

Oh. Oh. So is it, it's Bachelor in Paradise where they have to do an engagement at the end or else they get the boot? Is that right? Do you ever watch that? I've never watched Bachelor in Paradise. So in the history of it, how many of them are still together? I want to say maybe three or four.

Krista and Ryan, of course. The originals. Yeah. And then I've never watched anything ever, ever. Milo and Otis. Yeah, sure. And of course, the Homeward Bound and Incredible Journey. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I was trying to think Oh, Dharma and Greg Dharma and Greg? Yeah Is that what you said? That's the only reference I got Out of all of those Oh, really? You know Milo and Otis?

No They were Dog and Cat or Two Dogs Yeah Kids movie So if I would have chimed in with Bert and Ernie Would that have worked? Totally

Totally Absolutely And people said they wouldn't work Yeah But they did So if I would have chimed in with Bert and Ernie, would that have worked? Totally. Okay. Totally. Absolutely. And people said they wouldn't work. Yeah. But they did. They persisted. Yeah. Nevertheless.

Yeah. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. You don't even need to look at the phone number there. You got it. It's only been four years. That's one. Ugh.

Spy pod one. Like these people have. What up, Dave and Graham? My possible guest. This is a scene. I was driving down the road, and I pulled up to a red light. I seen this little girl picking her nose, and I decided to pick my nose as well. And as she saw me do that, she pulled her finger out of her nose and gave me the middle finger.

And then proceeded to drive off. Well, she didn't drive off, but whoever was driving the middle finger. And then proceeded to drive off. Well, she didn't drive off, but whatever was driving the car did. And that was my scene. Bye. That was pretty good. Pretty good. We really loved just the very beginning of your voice. Let's hear that again. Just the first couple

seconds. What up, Dave and Graham and possible guests? That's enough. beautiful never liked the word the name possible guest more yeah yeah really really uh i love that accent i love the approach and you know what i love the whole scene yeah good scene yeah here's your next phone call hi graham dave and probable guests this is lena manitoba calling with an overheard i was in the store looking at dvds and there's a teenage girl in the aisle looking at them too and eventually a woman came around the corner and exasperated said there you are i've been looking all over for you. And the girl turned and showed her mom something, and her mom said,

Ooh, a complete series of Reba. And the girl said, Do it, Mom, do it. You've earned it. Come on, we've been talking about it. I'm tired of watching it piecemeal on the country music channel. Yeah. TNN. Is that a show that you think is in any particular order?

What do you mean? Like, could you pick it up anywhere? Oh, yeah. I think it's like a Friends. Yeah. You could just enjoy an episode of Ava. Sitcoms now are, they're like serialized because they all come out in one.

Well, just because like they're, you know, they have a concept that like, you need to know the last thing that happened before this thing that happened. Right. Except like,

except, you know, like the big bang theory or yeah. Yeah. Like a Molly. these are my favorites the shows that are still on yeah yeah i'm trying like i'm struggling modern family is yeah modern family yeah yeah i was like struggling to think of a sitcom that's on yeah because like when i think of a sitcom i just think of friends or yeah well i was i was steinfeld yeah i guess maybe is schitt's creek something you

could watch yeah that's a sitcom yeah yeah um but like the oh like just jump in any episode yeah i think so the good place that you could not no that's serial yeah yeah yeah huh the office you could yeah although although no but it's that's of like old shows where you're like, oh, the boss is different on this one. Right. Yeah. That's always been a thing on TV where just like a cast member isn't there one season. Yeah. Cheers.

I had a couple monumental shifts. I should rewatch Cheers. Yeah. So good. You ever watch Cheers never no it's fun okay

good good exercise in like just like jokes just like everybody's setting somebody else up for a joke

like the Joker's caseworker yeah the classic joke structure Joker and caseworker here is your

final overheard. Hey, Dave. I am a possible guest. Sam from Massachusetts. I was just checking out at an upscale grocery store in an upscale suburb, and there was a mom with her older teenage son standing behind me, and she says, while motioning over to a bunch of cases of water, while we're here, why don't you grab a case of water?

And the son said, oh, hell yeah. Anyway, that's it. Thanks. Do it, Mom. Do it. Yeah. Water. Hell yeah.

We were just talking about cheers, and then the caller was a guy named Sam from Massachusetts. That was wild. What are the odds? This is Woody from French Lick, Indiana. Well, that brings us to the end of the episode. Noor, you are going to be at, what was the place? Stacked Market. Stacked Market.

Stacked Market in Toronto. This weekend. On Friday. And if people have a crush on you and they want to follow you on Instagram. First of all, is it a private account? Do they need to? No, I'm public. Okay.

I don't have time. People have private and public accounts. It's too much work. Oh, yeah. Like two separate accounts? Yeah. Oh, and what if you accidentally post a picture of your privates on your public? Yeah.

Yeah. Then is Instagram against that stuff? Yeah. Yeah. Then. Is Instagram against that stuff? Yeah. People can report that. But if you have a private account and someone has requested it and they don't like what you're posting, they shouldn't be able to report it. They shouldn't be. Yeah.

Yeah. You knew what you were getting into. A lot of injustices in the world, Dave. I know. You should be able to, but you can't. It's true. Well, I guess I'm just going to have to become an advocate for justice. Yes.

Hey, is the election this week? Which day is the election? That's a good question. It's the third Monday, right? Monday the 21st. 21st. Okay, so we are one right? Monday the 21st. 21st. Okay. So we are one week from the election.

Okay. So everyone. Get out your pens and your pencils. Yeah. And. Your calculators. Bring out your calculators. Look at what's on your neighbor's lawn.

Yeah. And what kind of campaign sign is on their lawn and think, do I like that neighbor? Yeah. Do I like them less now? How? And also, you know, what state is their lawn and think i like that neighbor yeah do i do i like them less now how and also uh you know what state is their lawn in you know like this time of year probably covered in leaves yeah yeah yeah but uh you know these are these are things you can check out you can drive along uh uh some kind of road and see everybody sign up at the same time. Yeah.

See who has the best slogan. Um, for our future. That's mine. Yeah. Dave, for our future forward together. Yeah.

Old fashioned value. Yeah. These are, these are all great slogans. Um, and, uh, where can people find you online

yeah did we did I interrupt that no that's okay people can yeah Instagram at Norhadidi

Twitter also at Norhadidi got a website www. Norhadidi there we go yeah .ca

I got the com baby oh yeah well done you're a traitor yeah you gotta think globally in today's age that's true yeah Dot C-A. I got the comm, baby. Oh, yeah. Well done, well done. You're a traitor. You got to think globally in today's age. That's true.

Yeah. You can't have a dot C-O dot UK. Ridiculous. Or like the New Zealand one. Dot C-O dot NZ. Yeah. Zed. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. Dot Kiwi.

Thank you for having me. What's that? Kuwait.kw? No, it's New Zealand. Dot Kiwi. Oh, okay. Dot Noor. Dot Noor.

Dot Kiwi. Slash Instagram. Yeah. And thank you, all of you out there, for listening. If you like the show, tell your friends. You can leave a review on iTunes. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. We did it.

Yeah. We successfully landed the plane. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.