Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 606 - Maddy Kelly

Episode Date: October 28, 2019

Comedian Maddy Kelly joins us to talk witchcraft, celebrity couples, the return of hockey season, and scary movies.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 606 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark. With me as always is a man who's got quite a little collection of little papers going on that I, sound effects, I don't know. Mr. Dave Shulka. Yeah.

Someone just dropped off a bag. My aunt just dropped off a bag at my house. And as I was fiddling with it, two labels came out of it. And now I'm throwing them in the garbage. And there it is. There it is. The full story. But you hesitated at the very beginning as though you forgot your name.

Uh, or were you being spooky for Halloween? I was trying to be spooky for Halloween. I was doing a little pregnant pause. And there's nothing scarier than pregnancy. I mean, you know, next to malaria, probably the greatest killer of people ever. Yeah, exactly. And still reigning heavyweight champion. Yeah.

Yeah, malaria is pretty much wiped out. No, it's not. Not at all. But pregnancies, we haven't been able to wipe it out. No, it's not. Not at all. But pregnancies, we haven't been able to, we haven't been able to wipe it out. No matter how much money I give to Bill Gates and his foundation. Yeah. But, you know, we're here for the cure. Yeah.

Curing pregnancy. Our guest today, she's a local darling. She hosts a show called All You Can Eat Laundry. The next one is November 16th at Little Mountain Gallery. It's Maddie Kelly. Hi. Hello. Hi, Maddie. Yay.

Yay. Thanks for joining us. I'm hoping to one day be cured. I was going to say, what are your thoughts on pregnancy? Can't wait. Put a pillow down my shirt sometimes when I'm alone. And do you do like a... Wait, so is pregnancy the cure?

Or is pregnancy the... Oh, that's the cure we've been looking for. Love is the cure in most stories. Love is the cure to... Yeah. Pregnancy. Getting pregnant. Interesting.

I don't know what I've done to your... To your analogy? No, well, you know, there was... Was there like a science that there was like, they were going to use the AIDS virus to kill cancer cells? And I was like, yeah, pit them against each other. Make these diseases fight. Well, they can do that for sickle cell now with the AIDS virus,

I think. Really? Do you want to get to know us? Yeah, absolutely. Maddie. Yeah. You're our,

you're our Halloween guest. Yes. Yes. Somehow. Yeah. We, we, we ever had a Halloween guest.

Um, we, uh, we used to do, we used to do stuff. Yeah? We used to do stuff. Yeah, we used to do spooky stuff. Incantations. Yeah.

Resuscitations. Invocations. Sure. Graduations. And finally, vacations. I made you do them all. I wasn't going to jump in in I don't know any big words Any $10 words

Maddie What are your plans for For this The spookiest time of year Well We're approaching Sam Hyde I think that's how you say it

Sam Hain Sam Hain Yeah Who's that? That's a Witches call Halloween And you're a witch? Yeah.

So this, okay. This, I know we, having you on the show, you and Graham made a bet about something that would happen within the next year.

Mm-hmm. I forgot that you were also our witchy guest. Right, yeah. So, fill me in on that again. So, you know, childhood's rough uh for women i've always

been a woman that's something some people don't like about me and i also you know was a little scientist just loved science you know and i and then i got very sick and i was like oh god science has failed me and had turned to our our dark lord and, you know, the path. Our dark lord is Satan? Yeah. No, no, no. Some people turn to the light lord. Yeah.

When science fails. No, no, that's problematic. I'm also, I'm still a feminist, so, you know. Okay. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. This is all, you are all over the map here. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I, we specifically booked you because you're not a feminist.

Yeah. And that you don't play pregnancy. Yeah, and you had a bet with Graham a year ago. Yeah. The, so you turn to the Dark Lord. No, I was just joking about the Dark Lord. The Dark Arts. Because I watch Sabrina on Netflix and they, there's a lot of talk about the dark lord and witchcraft and i'm like well my witchcraft doesn't like involve

did you know that dl hewley uh the dl stands for dark lord really interesting yes really i thought it was dylan langston that's pretty good thanks um good use of langston yeah yeah anyway i don't know there's like power in my womb And That's really exciting for me And I mean it's exciting For everyone

Yeah And I think I got better at comedy Once I embraced witchcraft Actually to be honest Have you stopped Witchcraft? I thought you were going to say comedy

No Of course not Okay Here's all my crystals I brought with me today. Okay, one crystal on the table so far. Two crystals. Here's what I've been doing.

I've been putting one per pocket, and then you have four. Did you give us a crystal last time? I tried to. You didn't want it. I think it's around here somewhere. Oh, really? Yeah, I saw a crystal the other day, and I was like, I don't know, what's this one?

Four crystals. What do they do? Okay, this one's like gross. This is a yellow one. New beginnings. like, hmm, what's this one? So you have four crystals, what do they do? Okay, this one's like growth, this is a yellow one. New beginnings. Okay. Yeah,

it's brown. Growth, new beginnings. Yeah, okay, it's puke color. Yeah, we can both agree

that it's vile. It's vile. It's vile. It's gross. That one is like just pure, pure happiness.

This is a clear, this is like an ice cube that's with a lot of bubbles in it. It's supposed to be yellowy. That one's garnet. That one's garnet. That one's garnet. That one's like shifting trauma, sexuality. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Oh, sexual healing. So it's shifting trauma to your yoni? No, just no. Where do you put these crystals? Every time someone comes over and they see like the wand ones, they're like their eyes get very wide you have wand crystals well like some of them are shaped like a cylinder with a point on the end what does that make people think of then put up my cooch

and i don't we should have clarified off the top this is not a cooch cast. This is a cooch. Yeah. Not a casting cooch. Here's how you do. Also, shamanism, they talk about this. You lift and shift. So you lift what? Your spirits. Okay. And you shift.

Into a better way of vibration. So what's your vibration right now? I'd say pretty good. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's this last one? Oh, that one's just like creativity, vitality. Okay. Yeah.

What happens if you are away from crystals for say like a day? Is it like when I don't have my phone? It's like, yeah, it's like quitting smoking. Oh, yeah? Yeah. You get like really agitated? Sometimes I'll like go to a show and I'll be like, oh fuck, I did not bring any crystals. You go outside and just get some random rock. No, but then I'm like, that a show and I'll be like oh fuck I did not bring any crystals you know

go outside and just get some random rock yeah no but then I'm like that's meant to be is there a crystal you can get

that's good like for remembering to remember your crystals is there like a memory crystal there must be yeah yeah

there's a you can just get this one crystal that's like if you don't have the right crystal you can use that one oh okay

it's just like a sub crystal also like if you don't have the right crystal, you can use that one. Oh, okay. Isn't that funny? It's just like a sub-crystal. Also, like, if you don't have the right candle color for a spell, you can just use white. That's nice. It's kind of, you know, all recipes should have substitutions. So you carry crystals. Oh, but I also want to let you know I'm not buying any crystals anymore. Okay.

How come? Because bad for the environment. Oh, because of mining. Yeah. What about you buying some used crystals? Or gently? A lot of these big mining conglomerates, they're tearing up the soil for a crystal mine. I know.

It's very silly. Are they byproducts of like, your dad's a geologist does he carry around a lot of crystals in his heart uh he definitely he knows he would know all these he would know what each one was but we know that it's like this is for creativity yeah they also cover that in geology this is for the old lift and shift yeah this is cooch related this is cooch related. This is cooch related. I also think that level one in witchcraft is like, ha, ha, ha, get some sage, buy some crystals, right? Level two is like, guess what? The power's been in you the whole time. Oh, shit.

How many levels are there? Hundreds. Oh. Oh, really? No, I don't know. These are my own levels. Right. Do you have a karate belt?

I wish. Yeah. I had no interest in karate But I really wanted The belt system Oh To be applied to Margot wanted the outfit Yeah

Said week one She said I love karate Like we We had one day After her class To cancel it Like We were like

Oh I hope I hope she didn't love it So we can just Yeah So we can just sweep her leg So she can just cancel it Like I don't want Three weeks to go by

And have her say Actually this isn't for me Yeah Uh But uh So she can just cancel it. Like, I don't want three weeks to go by and have her say, actually, this isn't for me. Yeah. But, no, she said she loved it. The next week, I'm not going. Ah. Wow. She used the power of misdirection.

Yeah. That's what she learned the first week. She mostly wanted me to spend the money on it. She used the power of me not getting my money back. She's not going to go anymore? You can have her belt. Thank you. She's not going to go anymore? You can have her belt Thank you She's not going to go anymore

How do you know? She's decided not to go anymore And three or four weeks have passed since she went to the first class She can't get back in Now they'll chop her head right off She won't know what's going on at all She only did the first week where they just shook hands I have a question.

Did you guys' dads make you box them? Make me? Well, not, but encourage you. We wrestled a lot. I don't know if we did. What about square up, kid? Let's do this. No.

We did a lot of, you put your feet on my feet and we'll slow dance. Dave went to a lot of weddings as a kid. Yeah, I would wrestle a lot, but not like with boxing gloves you would box? No. Like they'd hold up a pillow and I'd have to box. I had an older brother. Do you know why that was? Because it was

so adorable. That's why they did it. This would have been in a time before youtube when you could just look up some kid doing an adorable thing you had to make your own kid yeah did you guys see that video of that little girl telling her adopted mom like when she met her no oh god it's so cute she's like she's like i was four and then i saw you and i loved you. And I was just crying. How old is she now? I don't, not very much older, like five or six. Yeah. Wow.

Yikes. It was so cute. Sorry I brought it up. No, it's. I'm getting misty. It was so cute. Here, just. I mean, did you hear about that girl who was adopted and turned out she was older?

A 30 year old woman. Did you hear about that? Uh, what? It's the exact plot of that movie. Orphan. The Orphan. Yeah, I've seen the, I've seen the Orphan. So it happened. Oh really? Yeah. old woman did you hear about that uh what it's the exact plot of that movie orphan or the orphan yeah i've seen the i've seen the or so it happened oh really yeah and vera farmiga is involved in some way uh i don't remember who's in it but it was this it was definitely that was a spooky film yeah so it's been it's been going on someone's running an orphan scam

yeah well that's nice work if you can get it. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I've ran a whole scam. I was singing Tomorrow. I was hanging with this bald guy. I had red hair. I dyed my hair red. It was curly.

You know the rest of the story. I do. It's my oldest time. Tell me more. So, do you do incantations? Do you have the colored candles? What day to day? Okay. Okay. So, here's the daily witch tip. Okay? more so uh do you do incantations do you have the colored candles what what day-to-day okay okay so here's the daily witch tip okay when you drink a nice coffee you just whisper into it i want to be

funny right and you drink the whole coffee that's a spell baby oh really your laundry put a nice little thought in the laundry soap put it in stuff like that right level two the power is inside you exactly that's day-to-day level two of the powers inside you. Exactly. That's day to day. Yeah. So it's inside you. Put it in your coffee.

But then I also celebrate all the holidays. Like? Like. Easter. Mabron. And the Halloween one. Yeah. And there's Yule. It's Fangoolie.

And then there's like, there's all the equinoxes and all these things. Try and do something for the new moon and the full moon. And I try to organize my life kind of like, because, here's another thing about my cooch, is that

your cycle will kind of, you know. What do you mean? Your menstrual cycle will revolve around the moon. Oh, is this the thing that they pour the blue liquid

on the underwear? Yes. Yes, yes, good. Glad you know what we're talking about. Glad you've been sheltered? Yes. Yes. Yes. Good. Glad you know what we're talking about. Glad you've been sheltered from it. Yeah. That really says a lot about our public school system. So your cycle will sort of line up with the moon,

and then there's different times in your cycle you're supposed to do things, and there's different times in the moon cycle you're supposed to do things, and then you try and figure out what are those things you should do. But aren't you lucky if they're the same time the same thing at the same time sometimes you can get hideously unlucky and you're reverse cycling and then everything goes to shit oh sure so what uh like give me an example of something that you need to do or is good to do at a certain time during the moon cycle so like people like will say don't cut your hair your hair on a waning moon if you want it to grow long. Stuff like that.

Yeah. That's a lot to remember. It is. Honestly, the hardest part of it is I can't remember everything. If you want your hair to grow long, don't cut it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's what I say. Yeah.

Dave's got his own system of belief. I'm making like a love spell for my cousin. Like I'll do spells for people too. You're making one for your cousin? How long is it? Is this like a week long project is it a six month well i'm just planning what we're gonna do okay i'm writing the little spell for it and i'm planning what colored candles to use what crystals i'm gonna

bring if i'm gonna make her a little jar to remind her of it i made aaron reed a quitting smoking jar yeah and as of recording i don't think he's quitted smoking yeah bad jar must be a bad jar no did you whisper into the jar yeah I whispered into the jar oh okay yeah okay

I'm just making sure that you followed procedures I go to people's houses when they get a new house a lot and I do a protection spell

for them stuff like that so when you're in your cousin's case do you go out in the woods do the spell or is this just an at home service

well okay good question thank you so your cousin's getting a love spell yeah she wants to fall in love okay how old is she 28

28 she's had enough she's had enough of the single scene yeah yeah yeah she's had 27 dresses yeah yeah yeah she's that girl

she said that movie is about my life and I'm like that's kind of the point of rom-coms is that everyone thinks that they're give her a Katherine Heigl spell

yeah yeah but don't give her the one where she gets blackballed by all i was just gonna say one thing yeah for for having an opinion yeah but that was a sorry it's team shonda forever that was a crazy opinion oh wait what was her opinion what do you think it is i thought it was about how uh the uh like like like the women character in Judd Apatow's films are shrewish. Yeah that's what which is true. Oh no but before

that happened she withdrew her own name from Emmy consideration because she said the writing wasn't good enough. Oh. That's like a really

mean thing to do. That is a mean thing to do. That's to be honest shrewish. And to be honest how do you think she landed that role?

To be honest shrewish. Yeah. to be honest, how do you think she landed that role? To be honest, true-ish. Yeah? Hey, we can do a lot on this podcast making fun of me and my things.

We go near Grey's Anatomy seasons one through six. I will have something to say. And what about season 45 that it's on right now? Listen, losing 85%

of the original cast has been hard, it's hard on the show. Do you still watch it? I do. Who's on it still? Ellen Pompeo the show. Do you still watch it? I do. Who's on it still? Ellen Pompeo. Ellen Pompeo's still on it.

Justin Chambers is still on it. Patrick Duffy. No, he's dead. Patrick Duffy was never on it. McDreamy's not on it anymore? He's dead. Long dead. Long dead.

She's moved on. Somebody did have sex with a ghost on that show. No, she had a tumor. did have sex with a ghost on that show no she had a tumor she had sex with a tumor she had a tumor so she's our dead fiance and then she had sex with him and then she wanted him to be alive so badly she didn't mind having a tumor and then she was like fuck i have a tumor we should all be a little so lucky to have a porno tour. Here are my two favorite shows. Grey's Anatomy and Shark Tank.

Oh, Shark Tank. Those are my appointment TVs. Sunday nights and Thursday nights. Don't call me. Don't call me on the phone. Can I guess what night? Shark Tank Sunday? Yeah.

Okay. It actually used to be Friday and it was the perfect Friday show, right? Yeah, it used to be on after What Would You Do? It used to... What would you do? Or I used to see it on after What Would You Do? What was his name?

Duncan Nunez. Yeah, thank you. It was a hidden camera show about morality. Now, who's your favorite shark? Mark. Really? Mm-hmm. That's crazy.

Who's yours? Yeah, very good question. Kevin O'Leary? No, I like i like uh the robert herjavec i will leave i will leave no the lady with the horse shopping queen was a long-haired lady listen no she's the long-haired okay laurie's like super cool laurie's super cool and i don't only invest in things that you know she's going to be committed to. It's true. Mark's full of shit. He just he'll like

deconstruct people's pitches and just spend all this time. Here's what Mark says. Mark goes, listen, you deserve a ton of credit. He said, I wish there's a drinking game

for how many times Mark says people they deserve a ton of credit. I don't like the way they treat Lori. Yeah, I don't like it either. It bothers me a lot. But I also don't like the way they treat Laurie. Yeah, I don't like it either. It bothers me a lot. But I also don't like

the way she's always like, guys! That's part of her whole scam. Do you know who my favorite is? I would say Team Barbara. Kevin O'Leary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mr. Wonderful.

Mr. Wonderful. He absolutely, I know he denies it, he was driving that boat. I wonder how they're going to, yeah. have you watched like every episode of every season or you guys pop in i've watched every episode of shark tank that they have on netflix plus whatever i would catch on tv so you don't remember the first season yeah Yeah, I do, but like not. Because the first season seems like it was maybe filmed 30 years ago.

And they're calling it Dragon's Den and half the people are, way more than people are Canadian. It's really like weirdly like just bad fashion, bad set. Mark and Laurie aren't there. Like who's even going to bring things to retail? Like my God. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Damon's there okay what's his he doesn't he's a food boo yeah okay he also does a lot of food stuff food boo food boo what's great i like him mark he's all right what's mark's last name what's his

industry frankenstein everything maybe he's really good seo oh okay and he owns the maverick i was like he was such he was on he is a maverick you know it's just like god how cool how cool this guy he won't even drink wine like god doesn't he have like a lot of college stories of like how he made a bunch of money in college yeah he's one of those he's one of those kids that like collected stamps and started finding ones that he'd resell for $2,000. He was eight and he had a stamp mentor. I think in today's climate, that stamp mentor would be arrested. We're arresting this philatelist.

We're philateling you. Is that what stamp collecting is? I don't know, but if it's not, it's still great. Lately, they've been having a lot more guest stars. Yeah. I don't like when Ashton Kutcher's there. I get that he invested in things, but he's still Kelso. Do you know why I like when Ashton Kutcher's there?

Because you're horny for him. Hey, keep it in your pants, Goopka. Because it makes me think maybe one day I'll be there. Like if he can do it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. He looks so young. You know he was on TV in the 70s?

Yeah. There's the other guy that was like an early investor in. Chris Saka. Yeah. He's great. He likes to fight with Mark. He's the only guy that was like an early investor in. Chris Saka. Yeah. He's great. He likes to fight with Mark. He's the only one that goes with Mark. And then Mark is, but honestly, Mark is just high status as him.

And he's like, okay. Okay. Chris Saka. Like you're wearing a bolo tie. Yeah. You came here wearing a bolo tie. He's rude. He's rude.

But I like it. I like his rude toot. Here's who I like. Barbara. You like Barbara? Of course. Why? She never goes in on anything. That's rude, but I like it. I like his rude toot. Here's who I like. Barbara. You like Barbara? Of course. Why? She never goes in on anything.

That's why she's so funny. She's always like, too rich for my blood. And you're like, that's hilarious. What are you doing here? What are the products? Have you bought any products that you've seen on the show? I think so. You have a squatty potty?

I get so excited when I see them out in the wild. Yeah. I'll show people. I'll be like, Shark Tank product. Like, I work there. You work at Shark Tank? Okay, okay so season i'll tell you this season seven or eight or nine i think it was season nine they started doing very meta stuff where they you're watching the camera set up and you're watching them in between takes and i was like easy shark tank like if you get too self-aware you got nowhere to go and i think now they've pulled it back yeah i'm proud of them dragons den did the same thing i

like seeing um when they uh follow up with people when they catch up on yeah seeing barbara's investors weekend oh yeah barbara loves to vacation with these people Yeah. It's always the same three products that she went in on. It's always popcorn, cousins, lobsters. I don't, none of this is English to me. I've seen,

I've seen like maybe. And that fake deodorant, that natural deodorant. I don't remember that. Oh, come on. What? You don't badmouth

that natural deodorant. You're a witch. I'm a witch that wears deodorant. Oh, interesting. Do you ever speak a spell into your deodorant. You're a witch. I'm a witch that wears deodorant. Oh, interesting. Do you ever speak a spell into your deodorant? Don't stink. Yeah.

No, but I'll give my makeup a talking to for sure. Yeah. Yeah. You're red. For whatever reason, I was looking up Dragon's Den on Wikipedia for people who aren't uh for Americans Dragon's Den

is the British and the Canadian and predecessor this show it started in Japan in Japan uh

and it's all over the world every almost every country has their own version of it good some of the titles I can't remember exactly what they are

but like some of them are like the lion's den or yeah trek tank uh but then some of them are like the thirty thousand dollar dream or something like that well that's what i don't like about dragon's den is like hi hi dragons personally like we don't call good business people in this country dragons we do not i have you have never ever gone look at that dragon of industry i do i say what i say when i play pool i say when i play cards i say that this guy totally was a pool dragon american listeners graham is lying no i'm not canadians can tell yeah um i

don't like i don't get it here's the one thing about it is that it seems like they they set out the rules at the very beginning like you have to come up with the terms going in and you have to get the amount that you ask for you have to get the amount you ask for but but then they'll just make some other deal they often are like okay i'll give you that as an as a line of credit which is like fake i guess yeah and then they're like but but I'll actually give you $2,000. That's what the problem was with Dragon's Den. It's like, we've mortgaged our house and our lifetime sales are $8,000.

Yeah. But Dragon's Den or Shark Tank now is like too good. Like all the businesses are like real businesses. Like I miss when it was like, you know. You need some, you need some like kooky. Yeah. I don't like the show i guess yeah i assumed everyone didn't like it no no no no no it's changed my life yeah i like shark tank i like

dragon's den i'd watch all the different flavors from around the world if i knew how to access them they have shark tank australia on ctv oh that must be scary there. Cause they have shark attacks. Yeah. Here in, in America, it's just like, Oh, we, we call people sharks. We say there's Mark Cuban.

That's true. Rich shark, shark of industry. Um, and we call business school, the tank. Um, we,

if, uh, if in your wildest dreams, you were, uh, going to become an entrepreneur. Yeah. What, what type of business are we looking at? Retail, online, SEO, brick and mortar. I'm not going to brick and mortar because I don't hate myself.

Okay. All right. Okay, you boys. It is economy. It would be some sort of, I've long wanted to start a business with my best friend where, because she's in interior design and fashion, and we wanted to make some sort of weird millennial carpet company where we take scraps. We take scraps.

Because carpets are really expensive. They don't have to be. And we take scraps. Where do you find these scraps? New, funny, from people who are putting carpet in their home. Okay. They have scraps. We make these cool carpets out of all these scraps.

And then we sell them. Like you attach different pieces of carpet together and then it's a funky carpet. Is it a carpet or is it a rug in the end? What's the difference? A carpet is wall to wall. Oh, no, it's a rug then. Yeah, it's a rug.

It's a rug company. We also want to make electrical cords cool um it doesn't seem like you have a plan and for that reason i'm out listen you asked my wildest dreams you didn't say you're here in the tank that would be great in one if it was one pitch oh also i think we should make electrical cords cool and also i i had some truffle chips, and they were good. So that's going to be part of it, too. But, yeah, just throw in a secondary plan. Okay, you didn't like that?

What about this? No, if I probably use this as a witch. Here for the common breakfast. I think I could do it like a witch. The truffle chips. Witch company? Like a travel witch company? Or like an Uber for witches?

Well, I know this witch on Instagram, and she sells people spells for $30 shit you should do that yeah but like not after this i'm not as good as her yeah we all know what happened to aaron's smoking jar aaron is going to quit aaron reed will quit i know yeah i believe in him i believe in him but we just did a spell for them right now. Oh, wow. That's a spell. Are you believing in them? No, but it's an intention. I want my $30.

It's an intention. Why are her spells so good? She really walks the walk. I'll tell you that. Does she wear, fly on a broom, wear a big pointy hat? No, she wears all white and like, she's- That's not the walk. No, she's the walk.

She posts these big, her name's Size Wound, if you want. Oh, your wife likes her a lot. I always see Abby liking her posts. I don't like that you can see what other people like. I do. This brings the community together. If it's like someone that no one else I know knows, then it'll show me the person I know who liked it. I know. I'm just telling you.

I'm not checking what Abby's liking. No, I know. It comes up as you're like, but I don't want to come up on anyone else's. I don't want people saying, Dave liked this weird, like, stick man porno. Yeah, yeah. Well, you know what? You should get a separate account just for stick man porno. You should.

So she was always talking about giving language to the invisible. And she has all these big theories. And she's like an artist. I want to give something. She's so cool. Right? Give voice to the unreasonable. To the undergrads.

Yeah. Give vision to the, you know, the spooky. Yeah. Yeah. You can be like a spooky optometrist. Sp-optometrist. A spook-tometrist. A spook-tometrist. I think we agree. Spook-tometrist spooktometrist spooktometrist

I think we agree spooktometrist phantom ophthalmologist there you go phantom ophthalmologist so Maddie Maddie

last year have you bought one of her spells by the way here we go oh I should do you want $30 if I get $30 I'm buying myself a bed frame. We should point out that Maddie is the size of a Barbie doll.

And has been looking exclusively on the Craigslist used bed frame section. Yeah. Okay. She's looking for a bed frame by Mattel. Hey, it's 23. It's time to get off the floor. Agreed. Yeah. But. I'm just looking for a bed frame by Mattel. Hey, it's 23. It's time to get off the floor. Agreed. Yeah.

But, you know. It's time to frame my posters. Yeah. Oh, yeah. What is currently taking up real estate? It's tough, though, because once you put a poster on the wall, like with tape or. Blue. It's hard.

It's hard to. They're not really frame worthy anymore. They've got those. They got damage. with tape or, or, um, blue, it's hard. It's hard to, they're, they're not really frame worthy anymore. They've got those, they got damage. They got damage. And then the frame covers the corners. If you say so.

What do you got? What do you got frame wise? Okay. Or poster wise. I got the clash. Oh yeah. London Collins. I have.

I recently took down a poster I've had in my room since I was 18 of chairman Mao. Okay. Because, because of the, because it's no longer time to be, recently took down a poster i've had in my room since i was 18 of chairman mao okay because because of the because it's no longer time to be ironically detached from real things okay okay okay i'm 23 yeah it's time to be like that guy killed a lot of people take him off your wall kid um i got a french one of those very cliche posters where it's just a little French little drawing of a bunch of cheeses. Okay. I didn't know where that was going.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. The cheese is French too? Or it's just the drawing? Great question. The cheese is... Is this something Amelie would have on her wall? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Basically an Amelie poster. An Anomalie. I also have a Van Gogh poster that's already framed. And I'm thinking of putting something else in that frame. Or just putting a frame around the whole thing. In an effort to grow up. You put the frame in a shadow box. Oh, that would be cool.

A little diorama kind of effect. What else do I have? You know what? Just give us your top 50. Yeah. That's probably enough. I gave you like. Yeah, I think so.

That covers enough walls. Yeah. Yeah. Good's probably enough. I gave you like. Yeah, I think so. That covers enough walls. Yeah. Yeah. Good work. Any on the ceiling? No. All right. Put something framed up on the ceiling.

Yeah. Framed. Okay. Yeah. And yeah, last time you were here. Last time you were here. Also, speaking of framing, did you guys hear about Roger Rabbit? Last time you were here, you and Graham.

Okay, let's take us back to, I'll play the tape from a year ago. Let's hear it. Hey, buddy, it's me, Graham. Oh, Graham, you're so handsome. Oh, yeah, thank you. Hey, you know what? I think. Did you hear Pete Davidson is dating Ariana Grande?

Not just dating. They're engaged to be married. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They're a great couple. I disagree. They're not going to last.

I thought they were going to last. Yeah. I said that. I did say they were America's couple but I said they wouldn't last you said they were doomed yeah and you were right and you were right

did you guys have money on this bet we did we did twenty dollars and has that money been paid out paid

paid in full and um okay I guess that's it the next the next bet we were looking at uh

who are the current uh 2019 celebrity couples who are who's the couple of the summer is what we were looking at who are the current 2019 celebrity couples. Who is the couple of the summer is what we were discussing. Right. Because they were the couple of the summer last year. It's like Song of the Summer, but human beings in their lives. Yeah.

Who is the? It's okay. So see if you can guess who we both declare are the most asinine couple of the summer. No, we didn't use the word asinine. I was thinking that. I said cutest. You did not say cutest. No, I didn't use the word asinine. I was thinking that. I said cutest. You did not say cutest. No, I didn't.

I mean, the only other couple I can think of is Ireland Baldwin and Justin Bieber. Oh, yeah. No, it's not Ireland. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Raggedy Ann Baldwin. Ireland Baldwin is Alec Baldwin's daughter. Hayley. Hayley Baldwin. Ireland Baldwin is Alec Baldwin's daughter. Hayley.

Hayley Baldwin. Hayley Baldwin, Justin Bieber. But they've been together for a long time. Yeah, no, this is a fresh couple. A new couple. Because Pete Davidson and Aaron Andre were a fresh couple. Yeah, and he's had two couplehoods since. Two?

Yeah, Kate Beckinsale. And then another one. Margaret Qualley. Yeah. Cool. Yeah, he's doing just fine. She had all the feet in that movie, the Quentin Tarantino movie. She had the dirtiest feet.

Oh, in the Hollywood? Yeah. Oh, okay. I want to have my feet in a movie. You can do it. Yeah. Spell. Spell.

Yeah. I want to have my feet in. That's what we manifest. Yeah. Speak a spell into your shoe. I wonder if people would like my feet. I've never investigated. Don't say that on the internet.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't. You know, some people love feet. That's fine. I'm sure they like my feet. But specifically, would I attract an audience based on my feet? Because I have really long feet. Yeah, you would.

Really? Is that what they like? People like, if they like feet, there's no telling what they like. Yeah, they like a variety. So, you know. If I needed to date someone who liked feet because you'd be like, great,

but you'd also be like, okay, watch a movie while this is happening. Like, this is not so fun. Oh, because they're doing stuff on them? Yeah. I'm not involved when my feet are involved.

Because this is... You want to wrap it up down there? Trying to watch Shark Tank. When my feet are involved? You want to wrap it up down there? Trying to watch Shark Tank. Yeah. I've got plantar fasciitis, so this is getting a little long in the tooth. So, now we have to- So, what was your- So, what was-

Who did you think was Couple of the summer Not couple of the summer The worst couple of the summer Well cause I think Cutest worst I think it was the cute couple You think Did you think

Is Are we talking about the same couple We're talking about the same couple That you think is the worst And you think is the cutest No no no no We both think the worst one Is the worst one

Oh okay Yeah But I would like to Just say To be positive That there's Shawn Mendes And that other musician lady.

Camila Cabello? Yeah, they're cute. They're very cute. Good for them. Yeah, that's fun. Yeah. Okay. Okay.

Zillia Deschanel and one of the Property Brothers. Was the worst? Yeah. Wow. The funniest. The funniest. It is the funniest. Like, just kind of the dumbest.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I wish we could have bet on that, but we were, we were in agreement. Yeah, that, that's not gonna last.

But the old bet was, Elon, actually, no, the old bet was not that if Pete Davidson and Ariana Grande would, would break up before

Elon Musk and Grimes. That's right. Yeah. And then I said Elon Musk and Grimes are the best couple and you said, yeah, that's what happened.

Yeah. So what's happened with that? That's what we need to check in on. Elon Musk and Grimes are the best couple And you said yeah that's what happened So what's happened with that That's what we need to check in on Elon Musk and Grimes Yeah we were focused on the Pete and Ariana of it all I'm going to Whosdatedwho.com Should be whom

So what am I looking up Grimes and Elon Musk But like the date that they broke up Uh yeah we're just curious to know if they're still together. Oh, no. Can we just check in? You said that last time. They had just gone to a pumpkin patch with his five sons.

That's right. Remember? That's right. Yeah. That's how we all found out. That sort of groundbreaking moment. Like, where were you when you found out Elon Musk has five sons? Yeah.

Yeah. Elon Musk dated Grimes last year. Yeah. Before that, he dated for two years Amber five sons. Yeah. Yeah. Elon Musk dated Grind last year. Yeah. Before that, he dated for two years Amber Heard. Oh, yeah. The former Mrs. Johnny Depp. Oh, my God. Before that, he dated Cameron Diaz.

Cool. That is pretty cool. Good for you, Elon. And he used to be married to Justine Musk. Hmm. Famous. I'm not going to take his name when we are wed. Yeah. Guys guys I've decided

who I want to marry who because I've always okay well Stephanie she's Maddie's we're off on a new track

Maddie's decided who she wants to marry so I this is the this is the announcement this is the announcement I've long wanted to marry a very cool

installation artist and it's like isn't it hilarious his wife is this tiny little comedian can't keep her in the art world. She's crazy, right?

Right. But I've changed my ways. Okay. I would like to now marry a mayor. Of any city? Yes.

Okay. Okay. But it has to be a career mayor. What does that mean? He's a bartender, but he also is the mayor. He does a little maying on the side. Oh, I see. He has to be full-time mayor. What does that mean? He's a bartender, but he also is the mayor. He does a little

maying on the side. Oh, I see. He has to be full-time mayor. Would you accept John Mayer? Yeah, would you accept John Mayer?

I'm blushing. No, I would not. Wow. You're only blushing because you said that incantation to your makeup. My number one

celebrity crush is Adam Sandler. So, between Adam Sandlerler just imagine adam sandler as a mayor and by saying that out loud i've copyrighted that idea so don't no one make a movie about adam sandler the mayor yeah please is the worst couple who is going to be the worst couple miley cyrus and cody simpson oh yeah that's pretty Miley Cyrus is not dating Cody Simpson she's dating a woman right now well according to who's dating whom who dated who who's dated who Rooney Mara and Joaquin Phoenix are engaged yes cute congratulations two spooks two yeah two spooky I love when two spooky people find each other.

I have a Pinterest board. It's all my favorite couples, and they're on it. Oh, yeah? Mm-hmm. So is Rosie Huntington and the bald guy. Jason Statham. Yeah, Jason Statham. Oh, yeah.

They're cute. They're cute. They're cute. They're the most similar level of different kind of spooky attractive. Spooky attractive? Mm-hmm. I don't think of him as spooky. And I don't think of her as spooky. I don't think of her as spooky.

But I guess I'm not easily scared. You're like, are you even a person? Yeah. That's what I feel about her. Oh, I see. But you think they're spooky? Like scary? They're just perfect.

Oh, they're like, it freaks you out how perfect. Yeah. I think they're altogether ooky. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I have to do that. It's part of my incantation. I really like couples. Yeah?

I like when people talk about... Have you read Paul Reiser's Couplehood? No. You should. Really? Yeah. Well, if you like couples. Yeah.

Well, this brings us to our other bet. Okay. The next year. The next year, I believe believe because maddie said that she wants to yeah stay single for a whole year okay i believe what what's your your single history uh single for 17 years you weren't a you didn't date around as a baby actually i had a boyfriend when i was three we got married and then I had another boyfriend when I was seven. Got married again.

We actually... You're a bigamist. I am not joking. We got divorced. Like, we had a divorce at our school for us. How did that go? That's a huge deal.

Yeah, it sounds like a huge trial. It took me a really long time to get over. His name was... He was great. Our parents would let us have sleepovers and we'd make out at seven yeah and he he once told me he was making it at seven same as it is later just

with less hands you're just making out kissing each other with your tongue your parents uh your parents they didn't think they didn't think that this was. I thought I was very cute. He'd always get me things like little presents and stuff. And then you had to divide those things at the divorce. Really? Yeah. Jeez. It was really sad.

I remember it was sad because the bracelet he gave me, like I outgrew and I was like, that's weird. I guess I was very little. This is like me at 10 reconciling my divorce. Oh, okay. So then I guess post-divorce,

I was single till I was like 17, 18. And then since then, I have not been single for more than like four months. You can do it. So from 17 to 23, in only short stretches of singlehood, how many boyfriends? Like, do you go back to the same boyfriend from time to time? Well, that's been sort of the last three years has been one boyfriend but but with multiple times of not single or well like we broke we break up we tend to break up um we fight we break up we kiss we make up yeah uh okay so i had one two three i'm just so just so i can five we've had five gauge where when

whether I can do this bet oh I see I'm what they call serial monogamist but the last one was like a you know

a real one we lived together yeah but the other ones were but you want to stay single for a year I think it would be good for me yeah

and I think you can do it and I don't she doesn't believe in herself I'm betting against myself and my own wishes oh you're with her yeah but with the caveat you're allowed to have I think you can do it. And I don't. She doesn't believe in herself. I'm betting against myself and my own wishes. Oh, you're with her. Yeah.

Yeah. But with the caveat, you're allowed to have as many sleepovers as you want. And we'll pay for them. Yeah. I think that we, I said to Graham, we're defining this as someone calling themselves my boyfriend. Yeah. And then Graham said, yeah, that's what being single is but you know you could have someone you could be quite serious with someone

and just be avoidant and never call them your boyfriend like Abby and I never went on dates or anything we lived near each other

on campus and we would just hang out and then I like after a while I'd just be like am I your boyfriend yet am I your boyfriend

am I your boyfriend aww multiple times and then that was our vows am I your husband you did it your boyfriend? Aw, multiple times. And then, uh, that was our vows. Yeah. Am I your husband? You did it three times.

And then the, and then the incantation was, incantation. Oh, I can't say it without reverence. Um, and reverence is Britishness. Yeah.

Well, yeah. Yeah. You seen Chernobyl? Um, but yeah, 20, 20 bones, 20 bones 20 bones but

listen if I fall in love I'm gonna date them yeah yeah but you're gonna be 20 bones

lighter yeah and you know what throw in an extra tent buy myself a spell let's make it 30 okay let's make it 30

so okay and then if Graham gets it he has to buy a spell I have to buy a spell. Let's make it 30. Okay. Let's make it 30. Okay. And then if Graham gets it, he has to buy a spell. I have to buy a spell. I get a bed frame. Yes. All right. Yeah.

Yeah. Great. You're looking for just a metal bed frame? Yeah. I just want like a platform. Yeah. Do you have a mattress

and a box spring? I have a mattress. Okay. All right. But like a box spring, that's 1800s, right? Nobody has a boxspring. Everybody has a boxspring.

Guys, what is a boxspring? A boxspring, well, you don't, if you have a bed frame, you don't need a box. If you have like the right bed frame. Yeah, that's right. But you don't. So you need a box. But unless you get the right bed frame, but for $30, that thing's going to have bed box. Yeah.

No. Bed bugs is like that's like saying like don't that's like saying don't have unprotected sex. Oh yeah. That's true.

Yeah. The way in the way you say it. We're only gonna not have unprotected sex. Like how about I just trust? How about I just trust society? Is that so wrong?

Maybe to a spell. Maybe actually have a couple years of singlehood. Yeah. I've never had an STD. Wellhood. Yeah. I've never had an STD. Well, congratulations. I've had them all.

But the cancer was fought over. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, not that much. No, I know. It's a lot. We're recording this. Two days after we recorded our last episode, it's spooky times and already so this is october 11th i forgot to say on october 9th i was downtown uh in yale town

and there was a have you ever been past that um like intravenous thing store yes yeah where they're saying no there's like a in yale town there's a storefront that is like they we do acupuncture and oh like iv vitamins maybe yeah but they have like two seats that like face out onto the street with iv bags that i guess people can sit in and get pumped full of you know gatorade cool i'm in and um but they've uh they've halloween themed it up yes so the now if you go and get your iv treatment in the storefront window uh you can wear a nightmare before christmas blanket fun. That is fun. I like, there used to be downtown, for some reason, there was like a competition between stores who can make the scariest storefront. And they don't do it anymore, but always there was an optometrist that would win like every year.

Because they do those eyes on springs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Glass do those eyes on springs yeah yeah yeah eyes on springs you know they put glasses on a monster face it was great it's like what they say with like interior design it's like if you got a great apartment you don't have to you know you got great bones just leave alone optometry terrifying optometry's terrifying and just in general enough as it is dentistry's what's the scariest science, I guess? Dentistry's got to be. Phrenology. Yeah, phrenology.

Or no, what's the one where they drill holes into your head? Lobotomy? I think that dentistry is scarier as the patient. I think optometry is scarier visually. I don't want to watch some, you know? You know what I mean? If I was making a horror movie, I'd put them in a optometrist. Yeah, the scary part of A Clockwork Orange isn't that they made him watch something and wouldn't let him blink.

It's that they physically put things on his eyes. Oh, touching his eyes. Like, when you see someone else, someone's poking around their mouth, you're like, cool. When you see someone poking around someone else's eye, you're like, I... Remember that poster? Were you guys in LA in 2008? Yeah. Do you remember the thing I'm talking about? The surge or something like that

was an FX show and it was just a worm going directly into an eyeball and it was everywhere in LA. These huge billboards. I'm fine with worms and eyeballs. That's just nature taking its course. What if it was a needle? It was something really bad. It was something horrifying. A worm and a needle.

Yuck. I'd like a worm and an eyeball, a needle and an apple, and a needle and a haystack I'm not against. Yeah, so a needle pulling thread. Yeah. Not to follow, so. You could hear a pin drop. Yep.

We're just riffing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Now that's comedy. So that's one thing That's one spooky thing But what Not spooky Is

Hockey season's back And I went To the season opener Of the Vancouver Canucks And I made an announcement At the end of last year I'm not doing 10 feet of hot dogs

Anymore Really You're growing up too Yeah yeah yeah Well I guess this is growing up I'm getting a bed frame You're no longer eating 10 feet of hot dogs a year

Graham? Huh? What are you doing to level up? I'm gonna stop putting worms in my eyes But I am eating 30 odd foot of grunt Yay! But I am So I went to the season opener It was a huge ceremony

For the Vancouver canucks we named our new captain beau horvat which is a very hard thing to because everyone yells his name beau but it's very hard to write that a woman in front of me in text was texting well they just named the new captain and autocorrect changed horvat to hot at and she just wrote his name his first name as boo boo hot at boo hot at yeah did uh the was that where the connects really like they blew out the other yeah yeah yeah eight two was two holy cow a lot of a lot of fun yeah i was you know still looking at my phone and they kept scoring like i was still you you were still texting boo horvath well i would i would take a selfie of myself celebrating

the previous goal and then there was another one oh that is fun yeah wow um good whiplash yeah um and was it fun it was fun Yeah. I had a tater tot. Salad? I forgot the word. Poutine. Tater tot poutine. It was good. Yeah.

I recommend that. Okay. No hot dog but tater tot poutine. No hot dog. I don't know if you have grown up. I take that. Well, they don't. I mean, I guess they do like a fancy whatever.

They do have kind of fancy restaurants. Yeah. Food stands there. Where you get poutine in a fancy lady shoe. Poutine in a Manolo Blahnik. Yeah. Yeah. Um, for grownup taste.

Yes. Uh, but yeah, so, uh, uh, hockey season is back. I'm very excited. I, uh, I got a scarf. Oh yeah. Is that a thing? Is that a hockey thing? Scarf?'m very excited. I got a scarf. Oh, yeah. Is that a thing? Is that a hockey thing? Scarf?

No, it's more of a soccer thing. Yeah. But they had the scarves on every chair. Okay. Yeah. And that was what we voted our mayor. Yeah, yeah. Chicken in every pot.

Yeah, exactly. Scarf on every chair. Are you going to go a lot of games this season? What do you think? Yes. Nice. Same as always. Yeah.

Root, root, root. You get your season package. I get a quarter season. Quarter season. Ten games. That's cool. I'm a cool guy. Yeah.

I'd like to get season tickets to something. Oh, why not the opera? Yeah, but my friend was like, Dan danica tibble tibo very funny comedian uh she was saying that she was taken on a date to the opera and i laughed so hard was she in an 80s movie yeah yeah and then i was like do you have to rent your evening gloves or you know how did you swing that and then um then someone someone else who was annoying was like what opera and i was like fucking wrong question like who gives a fuck and then she said phantom of the opera

i was like oh my god that's the best for my American listeners, not an opera. That's funny. That's like saying you volunteered with inner city youth and you just went to go see Rent. That wasn't funny. It's fine. And it is.

But I wanted it to be another musical. Avenue Q. Rent is about inner city youth. They don't want to pay their rent. I don't. Avenue Q. Rent is about inner city youth. They don't want to pay their rent. Yeah, but inner city youth. I don't think that's what rent is about. Youth usually refers to underage people. These are grownups who don't want to pay their rent.

Yeah. Like, we can't call you youth anymore. You call me teen witch sometimes. Young adult witch. I changed it. YA witch. I changed it. YA witch. Could it be like my friend fosters

cats? Where? A cat? Yeah, that's closer. That's worse than mine. Yeah, it's worse. Oh, it would be like if I said that I was a witch and then I went to Wicked once. Well, that's not bad. They're getting worse. I did go to Wicked. I cried. Yeah, that's not bad. They're getting worse. That is true. I did go to Wicked.

I cried. Yeah, it's great. So good. Why don't people talk about that? I think people talk a lot about it. There's a whisper campaign that's been started about Wicked. Grassroots. Yeah. So, have you

ever been to an opera? Yes. What opera? Yes. No. What opera? Marriage of Figaro. Oh, Figaro, Figaro, Figaro. That's the one. Are there any other, I feel like if I went to an opera, I would just be waiting to hear

the song I recognize from the cartoon. Yeah. Ave Maria. Ave Maria. Door, please don't spit on the floor. Oh, like, oh, whatever bugs bunny. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, here's the only reason I would ever. the cartoon yeah Ave Maria or Adore please don't spit on the floor music espadrille oh like oh whatever

Bugs Bunny yeah here's the only reason I would ever ever ever go to an opera not because I don't respect the art form

because I do because I think you need to know things like it's like I don't go to modern dance you know because I don't know the context

you know if one day I dated someone who wanted to tell me the context same thing I'll go to sports if you whisper in my ear

who everyone is the context the context what's thing. I'll go to sports. If you whisper in my ear, who everyone is. The context. What's the context? These guys don't like each other. They're trying to put a, an object in the other team's net. Yeah. When they say away,

are those guys going to leave? Or, oh, they come from away. Have you ever seen that play? But I don't want to go, you know, I don't generally don't go to things if I don't know anything about it.

Okay. So that's why I don't go to the opera. But I want to go because I think you're allowed to wear evening dresses and little shawls. Little shawls and tiny little binoculars. Did you see the opera here? No, Calgary. Was everyone in tuxedos? No, people, but because it was a matinee, but a lot of people were in suits, but not tuxedos. Any cowboy boots? Yeah, it was a matinee But a lot of people Were in suits But not tuxedos

Any cowboy boots? Because it was Calgary Yeah it was polo ties It was cowboy casual Or cowboy business Cowboy formal I have another reason I don't want to go to the opera

Okay I don't respect talent Like you know when Someone's like well Like he is a good singer I'm like I don't care about that Why? I just don't

Like because lots of people Are that I just think it's more interesting When someone is not good at something and they make it fucking cool. Yeah, William Hung. Like,

people that are bad singers that are compelling, you know? Like? Bob Dylan. Oh. You know what I mean? Like,

people, like, not like, do you have a poster of him on your wall? People that, or people that are not technically, you know, proficient painters,

but make something really cool and like, interesting and contextually relevant to me. You want to see some outsider art opera. I want to see people that are bad at opera that make me watch opera. You want to see regular people doing opera. That's why I don't like sports. I don't like pure athleticism. That's why I don't like dance. I don't like pure athleticism. So it's athleticism that you have a problem with.

I would never go see a singer who's good at singing. I'm never going to go see Susan Boyle. The prime example. You don't like Adele. No, Adele writes good songs. And then on top of that, she's a great singer.

What about Beyonce? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Beyonce. You can be talented and cool, but you can't just be talented. Adele is a very good singer. Angie writes good songs, but I don't like people who are good at things. I don't like things when the only- You like what you like.

You don't have to come up with some logic behind it. No, I don't like Michael Bublé. Fine. Fine. But I am going to get you a Bob Dylan poster. Oh, God. And I'm going to get you a Bob Dylan poster oh god and I'm gonna get you a Michael Buble bed frame

I bet he has a line of sheets at the bay oh boy that's another bet I bet that guy is getting into housewares yeah that would be a smart move

for him yeah don't respect talent that's my point okay alright and uh Graham yes speaking of not respecting talent Graham ouch what you're talented For him. And I don't respect talent. That's my point. Okay. All right. And Graham. Yes.

Speaking of not respecting talent, Graham. Ouch. What? You're talented. Oh, thank you. That's what I'm saying. I guess. Yeah, I don't know.

But I don't respect it. But we don't respect it. I don't know what I'm saying. I guess it's kind of like this whole trying to come up with a Phantom of the Opera analogy. Because it's October, spookiest month of the year Aside from January Because of all those resolutions Am I right?

And November Because you're depressed Oh yeah And those ghosts of Christmas Past and future That's true There are a lot of spooky months Now that I think of it

Midsummer's Night Dream Yeah It's like alarming Midsumar Yeah But I've been The only movies I've been watching have been spooky. Spooky films. Aw, cute.

Last week I talked about re-watching I Know What You Did Last Summer. Yes, you did. And I don't think it held up at the time, but it doesn't hold up. Oh, I think it probably held up at the time, but it doesn't hold up. Oh, I think it probably held up at the time. Yeah, maybe at the time. But I remember her, she goes out in the rain and says, Oh, what do you want from me? You're like, who are you and whatever.

And what have I told you? That scene does not happen in the rain. So it's not even, it happens in the middle of the afternoon. Really? Where she goes, what do you want? Why is she all wet? She just stepped out of the shower. Really? Where she goes, what do you want? Why is she all wet? She just stepped out of the shower. The phone was ringing.

She went to go answer it. Well, it certainly was humid. Oh, absolutely. I watched one last night and the night before. I watched one called Green Room. So scary. Oh, with Patrick Stewart?

Yeah. And the Nazis? Oh, so scary. I'll never watch Stewart? Yeah. And the Nazis? Oh, so scary. I'll never watch it. Yeah. Do you not like spooky? Or you just don't read too much talent?

I don't like scary. I don't like, I don't, I don't like things that give me horrible, like horrible dreams. Like, I like, here's my Halloween movies

is Great Pumpkin and Practical Magic. What about Hocus Pocus? Great. Okay. Everyone is going to hit the deck when i say this i've never seen hocus pocus oh no this is like when i told you that i'd never seen we need deck repair over

here yeah well when you told me that you hadn't seen the craft yeah i watched it and i loved it yeah it was like it's a good custom tailored was for you um but green room so scary yeah you haven't seen it it's about a punk some punks yeah punk band that gets a gig it's on netflix right yeah and it's oh man it's uh because it's so a thing that uh could happen especially to a traveling so a punk band gets a gig and it's like to make up for a gig that didn't happen they get a gig at a white supremacist

bar and they witness a murder and basically then like the whole thing is they gotta punk their way

out of it. They gotta punk their way out. They don't know what they're doing. They're very inept. They gotta punk their way out. It's great. So it's great.

Then I watched one last night not great called called prom night it's a canadian weird it sounds great it does sound great and the poster was so cool that i was like oh this is gonna be awesome it's like the poster is a guy in a balaclava and you were at you you discovered this at spencer gifts looking at the posters yeah yeah i know i was over at maddie's house going through her old poster collection. Frame, get rid of. Frame, get rid of.

And Prom Night, which has been remade as a... What era is the original? 1981, I think. Oh, no, no, no. Nothing good. Stars Leslie Nielsen

and Jamie Lee Curtis. Jamie Lee Curtis, the year after Halloween. Oh, boy. So she was already Scream Queen. And Leslie Nielsen was eight years before Naked Gun. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So he's.

He's serious, man. He's super serious. He's the principal of the school. Jamie Lee Curtis, despite looking like she's in her late 20s, is a junior in high school. Everybody in the movie looks like they're about 40 years old. It's just the film quality was so bad back then. There are whole scenes where it takes place in a dark room. Can't see anything that's going on.

It just, it's so, it's just so poorly done but uh it got remade and there's like seven sequels to it so it's like a cult favorite uh but it's there were so many scenes where just a character walks into a dark room and then you just hear things for the next two minutes you don't you don't know what's going on boy it's prom night oh there's i think there's a prom in here no this isn't the prom oh boy it's too dark to be the prom the theme of this year's prom was supposed to be coming to the light and then i was reading the imdb afterwards and uh my two favorite entries were uh that they had filmed all of the dance scenes

not knowing they would have to pay for the disco music that was playing in it so they had to at the last minute hire somebody and write sound alikes because there's a bunch of dialogue over them and uh yeah they had recorded it with the sound of the background sound. No. Even I know that. And then there's a van that flies off a cliff and explodes and that van was stolen by the stunt coordinator and

then driven off the cliff and blown up. He stole the van. But they also had set it up to shoot it? Yeah, but they didn't know that he brought it to the set and they did not know that it was a stolen van that they then blew up.

Good for him. That's cool. Yeah, it is pretty cool. Has the sun coordinator worked again? Um, yeah,

Leslie Nielsen. Yeah, he did both. Wow. Yeah. Bet yourself a man who can do both. You know,

last time I was here we were talking about Halloween. I don't remember, no. And now we're talking about her next horror movie. Like, this is, once again, another tradition for us.

Yeah. Every year you, one of you two, you would just see Halloween in the theater. Yeah, introducing Jamie Lee Curtis. I fell asleep.

Did I mention that? No. I have actually seen that. It's got that nice lullaby. Do, do, do, do, do, do that piano. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really allow you to sleep.

But anyways, prom night. Sorry. Thumbs down from me. But if you're, well, no, you know what? If you do want to see a movie where you don't get to see any of the actual killings because the film stock is not the right film stock, this is the movie for you. It sounds pretty good. Yeah.

Would I be scared? scared no would i have nightmares no do you yeah is it a bummer to when you're trying to get in a spooky mood all all month is it a bummer to watch a movie that's more funny than scary uh no i'm okay with it because that green room was so scary i needed a reprieve can i get ask a question that is in earnest yes you yeah why do people why do you actually like watching do you be why do you like the feeling of being scared and can i ask you a question all day every day have you seen earnest scared stupid i have seen earnest scared stupid i love it um do you know the importance of being earnest yeah i mean uh it's hilarious

based on theater cool cool cool cool cool very cool um why do i like horror movie like aren't you scared all day every day yeah yeah but it's a genre it's just another genre of film like i just like i just like i like films and then october is a fun time to watch scary scary film but do you enjoy the feeling of being scared uh no not not particularly i like i like being thrilled you know so i like a thriller do you have is there any other month you would assign a genre of movie to uh uh yeah christmas for sure uh february i'll only watch rom-coms this coming February. Sure. I'll try to watch mostly Irish cinema in March. Like Leap Year with Amy Adams? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, boy. Maid of Honor with Patrick Dempsey? Is that Irish? Scottish. Fuck. Is it? Well, no, but they go to Scotland. Oh, okay.

Yeah. They made movies in Ireland. Not familiar. Not familiar with. They made movies in Ireland. Not familiar. Not familiar with the film scape of Ireland. I think, yeah, I would also watch, like I'm all for watching summer movies in the summer.

Sure. You know, like. I know what you did last summer. Yeah. I know what I'm planning to do this summer. You know, Beach Party,

these type of movies. Soul Surfer. Yeah. Oh, Soul Surfer. Yeah. Oh, no. Yeah, so, you know, I'll continue watching these scary movies.

It'll be past Halloween by the time the next episode comes out because I'm going out of town. Yeah. When does this episode come out? The 28th or 9th. Oh, fun.

Yeah. That's fun. Be safe, everybody. Be safe, everyone. Wear some reflective stuff. Yeah. When does this episode come out? The 28th or 9th. Oh, fun. That's fun. Be safe, everybody. Be safe, everyone. Wear some reflective stuff. Yeah. A great Halloween costume this year would be a stop sign. Do we want to move on to a little bit of business? Yeah.

Oh, boy. Do we have to predict this year's hottest Halloween costumes? We have. That wasn't on the docket. No, but here we go. No, you're back in. Did we ever close the book on the hot couple thing?

Yeah, we said that... We decided that instead of betting on other people's romantic life, we'll bet on your mind. Okay. And I'm'm gonna get a free spell out of it yeah okay uh hot halloween costumes i don't know sexy elizabeth warren sexy joker sexy joker i wasn't ready and i made it up um like a smurf

why like a sexyurf. Why? Like a sexy Smurf. I don't know. There is a sexy Smurf. Brainy. Okay, business. I mean, that's enough. Hey, folks. The podcast of yourself this week is brought to you by Squarespace.

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Like a staircase face? Well, I've never heard... No, no. I'm called Stairface because I have a staring problem. Okay, describe your staring problem. I, uh, you know, get in fights at bars because guys are like, What are you looking at? Yeah, I have a staring problem.

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His name's Chairface We got a little heat for him And My mother Her name's deborah okay yeah she's just the normal is she nice yeah she's really oh yeah jacket face though oh really yeah yeah oh that's what i take after her yeah because he's uh got the chair face yeah that's okay um i've got a little bit of uh dry skin. Yeah. It's sort of my face. Things you, boy. Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful, customizable templates created by world-class

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That's squarespace.com. Enter code SPY. Any last words? Always keep your eyes. off your first purchase of a website or domain that's squarespace.com enter code spy any last words uh always keep your eyes on the stairs bye hello this is amy man and i'm ted leo and we have a podcast called the art of process we've been lucky enough over the past year to talk to some of our friends and acquaintances from across the creative spectrum to find out how they actually work. And so I have to write material that makes sense and makes people laugh. I also have to think about what I'm saying to people. If I kick your ass, I'll make you famous. The fight to get LGBTQ representation in the show. We weirdly don't know as many musicians as you would expect. I really just became a political speechwriter by

accident. Realizing that I have accidentally pulled my pants down. Listen and subscribe at MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcast. It's like if the guinea pig was complicit in helping the scientist. Overheard. Overheard. The segment we're in. You hear things out there in the world, keep them in your brain, then puke them out here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest.

Yeah. Maddie, you have several. Yeah, I've got three. Okay. I'm going to do two because of restraint, you know. Save one for next year. Okay, perfect. We'll see you on whatever the first last Monday of October is. Yeah. forgot three okay i'm gonna do two because i have restraint you know save one for next year okay perfect we'll see you on whatever the first last monday of october is yeah unless we forget oh

lovely or unless you're canceled by then oh oh yeah i've been waiting i am like morgan spurlock i am waiting for the day that i'm getting what did morden's morden's he canceled himself he pre-canceled himself yeah he was like hey everybody i'm fucked up and making i can't sleep at night because i'm just waiting for it to come out so i'm just gonna do it and what what was it people were like we don't like his mustache um yeah people are he i don't know he said he's bad bad bad to women oh really bad to the bone yeah but then i don't know when's he was bad Bad to women Oh really Bad to the bone But then I don't know When's George Thurgood

Going to get cancelled He can't The nurses all gathered around But the head nurse spoke up And said Leave this one alone Because she could tell right away He was bad to the bone

Oh Yeah Go ahead Maddie Okay Over I don't think you guys Are going to think this is real

But it is real. Yeah. We trust you. Promise? Yeah. Okay. No. So I was on the bus and there's all these girls and I'm pretty sure they were like a

little bit younger than me, but I'm not sure. Okay. I didn't ask. And one of them seemed younger than the other ones. Okay. I'm defensive. Yeah. I don't know why.

So, um. How could someone be younger than you is that what we're supposed to say no um so then the youngest girl was like saying all these numbers and i was kind of and then i was like started paying attention i was like she's saying so many numbers and then her friend was like yeah she can do pi to like the like whatever 30th decibel or something and then the other girl goes, okay, but what's a cantaloupe? And the girl who had done

all the pi numbers goes, I don't know. See, it doesn't seem real. But it is, was she asking her like, what's the code for a cantaloupe at the grocery store

they both work at? No, I literally think this girl didn't know what a cantaloupe was and had this huge gap of all these vegetables and fruits she doesn't know. What do you think a cantaloupe is? Whatever your teacher would make you write,

what does a cantaloupe mean to me? Yeah, that's right. Okay, you guys didn't think that was funny, so I'm kidding. No, no, no. What is a cantaloupe? Tell me what a cantaloupe is. It's a melon. What the fuck, guys? Come on, more, more...

Yeah, yeah. What would I think a cantaloupe was if I'd never heard of a cantaloupe? No. I think it's two people with cantaloupe. Sticks the landing. Now, guess what? Mama's doing two more because no one liked that. All right.

Okay. Okay, here's my next one. Thanks, Mama. And then you'll go around and I'll close it. Okay. Okay. So walk by. Don't argue with right. Okay. Okay. Here's my next one. And then you'll go around and I'll close it. Okay. Okay. So walk by. Don't argue with mama.

Sorry to be alpha. Sorry to be alpha. Sorry to take up space in this world. Yeah, well. Yeah, you gotta. I know you were told not to take up space. Yes. Well, right before the break, you.

What did you do? You wouldn't let us go to break because you had one more thing for us? Yeah. Everyone's mad at me for that too okay no we're not mad we're disappointed so my other one is i was walking by a cactus club and for our uh yeah um civilized listeners no no no not civilized the only reason they don't have cactus clubs because they don't have a middle class okay cactus club is like if tgi fridays and a good restaurant had a baby okay oh there you go sure i haven't been in so long i just

remember it was like the big thing was like hot waitresses there's hot waitresses there's dark lights there's mayonnaise oh and it's disguised you don't know how much mayonnaise you're eating because it's on a poke bowl. That sounds pretty good to me. I definitely haven't been there since they had poke bowls. There's hundreds of them. Is it all over Canada? Yeah.

Yeah. And there's tons of other ones like it. That's what I would tell Americans. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. There's tons of ones like it. Yeah. It's like, okay, if you don't know what Cactus Club, it's like a cooler Milestones.

Oh, cool. Do they have Milestones there? No. It's like Chili's, but it's not funny. It's like Moxie's, but it's like a serious Chili's. We don't have Moxie's. That's the joke. All right.

I don't like it. So I was walking by Cactus Club, big patio, two women talking. And the one girl says to the other girl, she's like, okay, aside from being blackout drunk, I have been like super nice to him. Yeah. Fuck. Thank you. You're welcome. Did we have a blackout drunk one?

Was Kathleen talking about being blackout drunk a couple days ago? Yeah. That the woman said, she makes me feel that getting blackout drunk is okay. Yeah. Aw. Dave, do you have an overview? Oh, I have three. Oh, my goodness.

I'm just going to do one because I have one. So, this is something that came in the mail two minutes before you guys arrived. Oh. Actually, after you arrived, but before Maddie arrived. Oh. I would say it arrived as I was was the mailman did you see the mailman not only did i see the mailman when i rung the doorbell dave just popped his head open no i and his brain went everywhere i'll tell you what i didn't you weren't even looking at

the door i was standing there normally the whole time well by the time I look back, you were like ominously there. Yeah. I'm an ominous guy. It's a real prom night. Yikes. So, this is a piece of junk mail we got. Okay. And it says, break free from neuropathy, neuropathy, with a new supportive care cream. This is some kind of junk mail offering me a cream for my neuropathy. Yeah. And then in smaller print,

it says it's, uh, it's as featured in national publications and it has, uh, pictures of the tabloids that it has been in. Like the globe, the globe and the inquirer. So we're saying that our,

like the globe the globe and the inquirer so we're saying that our our miracle product has been featured alongside this story of prince william gives up throne oh yes and obama's secret plot to impeach trump which true yeah and it uh you know we're recording this a couple weeks early could all, have gone down by now. Yeah. You know? No, I think it's slow. Slow. No, no, no.

It's very quick. Once the ball starts rolling. It's like becoming famous. It's just like, whoa. Like a rolling stone. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Collect snowballs. Your favorite from your favorite singer. How does it feel? Yeah. So let's all go get this miracle cream. Rub it on our neurons. Yeah, yeah, on our neurons. Our neurons.

Wasn't that bad? Do I have to do another one? Dave studies voices. He collects them. Okay. Neuropathy, the peripheral, as a result of damage to the nerves outside the brain and spinal cord often causes weakness numbness and pain usually in hands and feet oh what a specific problem to have for a junk male yeah i mean like uh where's the erection problems you know where's

the thinning hair please could you send that over tram the thinning hair? Please, could you send that over? The thinning hair on my erection? My overheard. It's not much of one, but it was courtesy of using a public bathroom. I was the only one in the bathroom at the time. I'm not the one on trial. Yeah, exactly.

And a guy popped his head in the door at the time i'm not the one on trial yeah exactly uh and a guy popped his head in the door and said roger nothing no answer my name is not roger and there was only one stall nobody was in it and the guy let it hang there for like a good five seconds roger like what but if roger was there, he would have said. He would have made his presence known. Roger? Roger. Maybe he was on a walkie talkie.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah. I didn't think of that possibility. And that's, you know, are we going to go back to you? Are we going to? Oh, yeah. I don't like this. We've got six more.

So he's on the bus two girls talking and one girl says someone in my spin class told me to drink water because the person in the class before didn't drink any water and they died and then the other girl goes she goes okay but that person was like dehydrated. Yeah. Yeah. You know, you should, first of all, you should always listen to your spin coach. Yeah. Yeah.

And the last person died. Was it a haunted class? Yeah. A haunted spin class? Can you imagine? I was going to say chill-a-ton, but that's what it's called pronounced pellet. Chill-a-ton. Yeah.

Chill-a-ton. Skeleton. Ske called pronounced peloton. Chiliton? Yeah. Chiliton. Skeleton. Skeleton. Skeleton. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, wow. That was right there. Yeah.

I got some pelotons in my closet. That's a very rich person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's just say. I've got these very expensive bikes and I subscribe to the classes. Now, we also have overheards sent in by people all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximum fun dot org. This first one comes from Jeff S.

In Laguna Nguel, California. Let's say that I pronounced that correctly. This is a woman talking to a man. Woman saying, remember the Golden Girls? The man. No, never watched it. Betsy Ross, right? No, Betty White. There, got one.

Had to look up who Betsy Ross was. Didn't know. She's from American history? She's one of history? Yep. She's one of the... She sewed the flag. Bingo bango. Who's Susan Banthony? Didn't she write...

That's funny. Did she write something or did she also do a flag? I don't know. Multiple flags? Was Betsy Ross the flag and Susan... I thought she wrote the song. Frances Scott Key wrote... Did she write America the Beautiful?

Oh, maybe. Oh, boy. Well, maybe she... Guess what? They don't teach us enough about women in school, and they don't teach us anything about America. Yeah. History class does not pass the old Béchamel test.

Mm-hmm. Like with a cooking class test. It's like, oh, this woman, she... What were you going to say? I was going to say, home action passes the Bechamel test. Pretty good. I like that. I'm glad I yelled at you.

Susan B. Anthony. She was, ah, you should know this because as a feminist, she was a feminist. Oh. Suffragette. She was an American social reformer and women's rights activist who played a pivotal role in the women's suffrage movement Yeah Shit

You know what's cool Is that now we talk about Like the women's lib movement Right And we're like Oh like what did they do wrong What are we going to do differently Right

And then I was reading The Feminine Mystique And they were talking about The suffragettes And I was like Oh crazy Like I just think of them As just all these

Wacky old ladies Telling people not to drink You know But at the time They were so radical Suffraget wacky old ladies telling people not to drink. But at the time they were so radical. Suffragettes were telling people not to drink? Yeah, a big part of the suffragette movement was women's tolerance movement. That was part of why Prohibition happened. Is that what Suffragette City is about? Yeah.

That's all in the film in a mystique? Or is that from the Pro prohibition documentary by what's it by ken burns um uh it's all in the feminine mystique they're just they're talking about it as as if you know feminine mystique rebecca romaine stamos's autobiography oh boy oh boy uh this next one comes from alex e i live live in Chicago and was recently walking down a crowded street. A young woman talking on the phone passed by me, and right as she did, she said to the person on the phone, I don't want to hang out with your horny camp friends. Disagree.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a hard disagree. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's fun bags and old Fitzy and Tootles. Yeah. They're all so horny for campfires. Just for camping in general. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Sleeping on the ground. Hammocks. This last one comes from, no, it's hammocks. What's a hammocks? Nothing. Tell me. Hammock. What did you think?

Yeah, but like, I don't bring a hammock camping. That's not a camping thing. That's a camping thing. No, no, no. Dave is upset. I was upset from the moment you... Just let him say hammocks and get on with it. But you do absolutely

bring a habit camping. Also, let me say my Bechamel joke. Say my Rebecca Romaine Seamus joke. Stop talking over me. Let Dave take up space. Yes.

Can I live? I was spending the evening with family and my niece asked where the... Now, this is not, this is a married niece. So this is an older niece. This isn't a young kid asking where the food stay water go was. What do you think a food stay water go is referring to?

Oh, I do not know. I know. What? Wait, but this is, you're telling me it's not a child it's not a child this is an adult and her husband calls it everyone's gonna bully me well we're mad at you okay it's like that little thing you put in the sink so the food doesn't go down the drain nope but close yeah oh very close uh her husband oh is it a colander colander yeah her husband calls it a food stay water go that's i think that's very endearing yeah they're my new favorite couple

oh boy let's bet on their longevity they're gonna last if they got something like that cute that they're incubating yeah grimes is throwing around some weird stuff Elon Musk used to say. Yeah, car stay, drivers go. Yeah. Didn't she get weird eye surgery based on that billboard you saw? What is this? Did Grimes get a weird eye surgery? Based on the surge, the purge? Yeah.

Do you know this? No. No. Hmm. This is old news, guys. But this is This is post Elon news And it's post

Malone Hmm Um In addition to Overhears that are written I'll get this While this loads Oh uh

Grimes Grimes claims She got experimental Surgery on her eyes So that she can't See blue light Oh Like so she won't see blue light. Oh.

Like, so she won't be addicted to her phone? I don't know why. So she doesn't like the sky? Yeah, she doesn't like the sky. Listen, I've gotten a haircut post-breakup, but I've never gotten surgery. Yeah, I don't know if it was related to that. I think the... Sounds related. It's like when you know two people that have broken up on your instagram and they're both first trapping oh yeah right you were trying to get a the other night at the live gallery you

were trying to get a first trap photo going and part of my feminism has included never taking a single good picture of myself i'm serious there's not one and i'm literally worried that i'm going to grow up and be like oh i guess i was ugly back then because oh no why because you pull a face i pull a face yeah danica's trying very hard to get me to not pull a face but i could describe the face you'll be like she made a funny face that is a very funny face yeah because i but you're not trying to do like a so when you're doing a thirst trap you're doing a lot no that's the problem someone's like oh you look really pretty like let me take your picture and i'm like that was a really funny face yeah that was a funny face yeah um so um wait follow me on instagram you'll see baby's first thirst trap oh yeah it's coming

soon oh you have never done one yet no or trying i Like, I can't. You were trying very hard. Or in earnest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, maybe you need to dress up like Ernest. Maybe I need to get drunk. Yeah, that usually makes people more attractive. Yeah, but less thirsty. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. spypod one like these people have hey dave graham and guest this is uh evan in mobile so i haven't overheard from the dentist's office i was uh getting a cleaning and in the next room an elderly man was having an x-ray taken the hygienist was uh walking him the steps, stand here, bite this, hold still. Seems a little bewildered, but they managed to get it done. He steps off and immediately asks, should I have spit out this candy? There's your problem right here, sir.

You gotta have Snickers wedged in the back of your mouth. You gotta have Snickers wedged in the back of your mouth. Oh, yeah. You know what? It would be cool to get your mouth x-rayed and have cool stuff in there. Yeah. I bet back in the day they didn't make you stop smoking while they did it. You could smoke through your whole dentist appointment.

And spit and smoke and okay. Oh, man. I have a dentist appointment tomorrow. Yeah, that's going to suck. No. I just remembered it. Oh, boy. Oh, I'm sorry.

Oh, well. You know what? Maybe it'll be spooky. Maybe I'll have candy in my mouth. I have a dentist appointment next month. Not dentist appointment. Gum doctor appointment. Oh, periodontist?

Sure. Pterodactyl? Apparently got some recession. Oh no! Yeah, thinning gums. So you gotta get gum plugs. Male pattern gumness. Here we go, next one. It's gonna be gross. Hi Dave and Graham and Jess, it's Patrick Foy in Omaha. I was at a park

with my son and there was a Montessori preschool event going on and there were these littleessori preschool event going on, and there were these little girls playing, and one of them said, Monday's the day we're going to get Michael. And then this other girl said, yeah, do you know what's coming to him? And the first girl said, yeah, except it's going to be even worse, because I'm going to have a motorbike.

And then later, I guess, they must have confronted the titular Michael, because these girls were with a little boy who was very mad and he yelled at the top of his lungs so everyone in the park could hear it what you're gonna kill me kill me see what happens this boy was like four by the way it was very satisfying to watch. See what happens. Go ahead. Kill me. You'll fry for this one. You ought to see what happened to the last people

who tried. What did she say? It'll be different because I have a motorbike? Yeah. That's the ultimate threat. I'm coming back and I'm bringing a motorbike? Yeah, I'm going to just peel out on your face. Yeah, hard pass. So scary.

You're so scared of a motorbike driving over you? Yeah. Yeah. Aren't you guys? No. What about a motorbike driving into you? Yeah. I mean, I'm more afraid of Dave Matthews crashing into me.

Oh, yeah. Hark up your skull a little more. Dave Matthews? Do you know who Dave Matthews is? I do. He's got a band. That's right. Yeah.

Dave Matthews' band to me has been more of a punchline than an actual band in my experience. In your life? Oh, well, you should have been around in the 90s, baby. We were all DMBing it up. Yeah, we were all college rock fans. I guess that's what he was popular with. Yeah. Yeah.

He still tours. And you know what? Has fans all over the world. Yeah, he's one of the greats. You guys are acting like I don't care for him. Yeah, because he's talented. Oh, true. Yes, and you called him a punchline.

No, but I'm just saying that's the way that i've culturally culturally yeah i think a certain point you're right yeah uh i'm i i don't like his music but i like um that his bus poured a bunch of sewage onto a boat full of people that's right like he famously do you know that story yeah yeah. Yeah. Okay. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Ben calling from Seattle with an overheard. I was at a restaurant and I heard one guy say to another, we've discussed Dungeons and Dragons. What else is going on in your life? Well, it's important.

I like that one. Yeah. To get all the essentials out of the way first. And then just what else is she? Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we spent eight hours on Dungeons and Dragons. Yeah. Now just quickly tell me.

I heard your mom was sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got married? Yeah, to an orc. Is that something you've ever played? I was just going to say that one of my lifelong dreams is for someone to ask me to play. To an orc. Is that something you've ever played? I was just going to say that one of my lifelong dreams is for someone to ask me to play. If people are always talking about how they play, I want to play so bad.

I drop into conversation all the time. No, this never happened. Okay. So if you live here in Vancouver, ask Maddie Kane to join. And you're not going to, if you're a nice person. Yeah, you got to be nice. Also, please don't actually ask me because then I'll just reply ha ha ha ha

yeah well you said it was your lifelong dream I'm just trying to make it happen I don't want to get my feet fucked in the process well that's on you

okay well if you get invited to a Dungeons and Dragons game and it somehow turns into feet fucked it's not on her don't blame the victim yeah thank you thank you If you get invited to a Dungeons and Dragons game and it somehow turns into feet. It's not on her. Don't blame the victim. Thank you.

Thank you. I'm laughing along. I'm complicit. Dave, an ally. Oh, boy. Maddie. Yeah. It's been a time.

Although, as you mentioned, you just be worried of being bored. a time although as you mentioned you just be worried of being bored um what what do you got coming up let us know so i was gonna do a little special thing for you guys and because you don't deserve it make and i was gonna make a twitter because i've never had twitter and i thought i should have it and then then I went, guess what? Guess what, boys? I don't fucking want it. All right. Guess what, world? I don't want it. Okay?

I think it's bad. I think it elected Trump. Okay? Sure. And I'm just going to stick with Instagram. You can follow all my updates. Okay? Hopefully you'll see my inaugural thirst trap.

Yeah. That'll be exciting for you. You should do a Dungeons and Dragons trap, too. Yeah. Nerd trap. Nerd trap. Yeah. Get people to invite you. 2019. Cool. that'll be exciting for you you should do a Dungeons and Dragons trap too yeah you know nerd trap yeah get people to invite you 2019

cool slip into your DMs and invite you to their D&D D&D DMs is there anything there there's something there yeah

also I have been writing 10 page sitcoms for every All You Can Eat Laundry show me and some other people have been writing them too

and we've been doing little quick little readings of them and it's been really fun and we're going to do the season finale as well as a full you can laundry show on november 16th nice i want people to all you can eat laundry yeah and the show it's called popcorn for dinner popcorn for dinner and it's a show within a show as they they say. And I think we're going to, like, film it. And I'd like people to come and have fun. Yeah. And listen to spooky songs with me. Oh, is there going to be spooky songs?

Yeah, I'll put some spooky songs on the playlist. For November 16th? November 16th. Yeah. No. Yeah. November 16th is going to be fun it's at 1030

at the Lomond Gallery spooky yeah spookiest time of day for our international viewers you can follow me so then maybe you'll see

an excerpt or two yeah what's your Instagram Maddie Kelly it's Maddie Kells Maddie Kells yeah at Instagram dot com

just email her your pictures do you have anything to plug no but thanks everyone for everything you do for us

yeah that's true thanks and if if you happen to be in Vancouver on November 14th past guest Chris Locke

is going to be in town performing at the Havana Theater on November November 14th oh yeah sorry three days after Remembrance Day

Wilbur thank you for having me it's one of the great joys of my life well thank you for coming you're nothing but a joy yeah we we're a real treat we also share the joy happy Halloween everybody the great joys of my life. Well, thank you for coming. You're nothing but a joy. Yeah, we are. A real treat.

We also share the joy. Yeah. Happy Halloween, everybody. Yeah. And if you like the show, why not tell your friends to come on back next week for another episode of

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