Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 609 - Morgan Brayton

Episode Date: November 18, 2019

Comedian Morgan Brayton returns to talk about amateur plumbers, key parties, Dave’s new Halloween song, UFC, and the greatest Marilyn Manson joke you will ever hear.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 609 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is somebody who pointed out that this is the 609 episode. Yeah, nice. Pretty nice.

Which our guest pointed out is like a 69 with somebody very round in the middle. Which is great. it's great i didn't i never thought that you could uh expand the 69 averse yeah oh boy we're gonna all every 10 weeks it's gonna be 619 629 oh yeah yeah that's when you have a oh what do 629 be oh boy somebody doing a yoga in the middle i mean that Two people in the middle. Come on, where you at? We're going to have to have you back in Tennessee. You can learn from me, Graham.

Well then, 639 is just good. You haven't actually said my name yet. Oh, Dave Schoenke. Thank you. Master of the 609. Well, I tried. But it's hard to get around that round person in the middle. That Dr. robotnik from uh oh yeah probably the roundest video game yeah although sonic the hedgehog gets pretty around

himself it's true and shorty got low so what's that what's that's from uh song okay all right shorty got low low low oh yes he's got his apple bottom jeans. Boots with the fur. Yeah. What does that have to... Oh, go on. Never mind. The 629 is just two people in the middle. Then 639, 649, they're all variants of that. Yeah. There's just people keeping me from getting my 69 on. Our guest today.

Favorite guest of the podcast. You know somebody we've had on many times before, always a treat to have her on the show. Oh, shucks. It's Morgan Brayton. Hey, it's me. Hello. Hello. Hey, little Morgan. Oh, hi there, big Dave.

Hey, little Momo. Have you done the Momo Challenge? Oh, heavens no. Okay. I don't have time for that kind of thing. No, that's true. I don't know what that is. Do you remember the Momo challenge?

I didn't even do the Kiki, do you love me or anything. I don't have time. I didn't do that either. What's Kiki, do you love me? It's the one where you get out of the car while it's moving and you sing the Kiki, do you love me song while you're walking beside the... Oh, I've seen a video of that. What's that? Is that Ghost Riding the Whip?

I don't know. Ghost Riding the Whip is where you get out of the driver's seat and you let a car just... Oh. Yeah, that's Ghost Riding the Whip. Leave it in drive. Very dangerous. And the fuel injectors do their thing. Yeah.

The Momo Challenge is when a kid is watching an innocent looking video and then a spooky person named Momo comes out and tells them to kill themselves. But that, was that a challenge? I know, I was like, how do you... It raised a lot of money for Lou Gehrig's right. Comes out and tells them to kill themselves. But that, was that a challenge? I know, I was like, how do you? It raised a lot of money for Lou Gehrig's disease. Well, good for them. Yeah. Should we get to know us?

Yeah. Get to know us. Morgan, Morgan. Yes. I have a, so the way these episodes have been rolling out the last few weeks, because the show, over 11, 12 years, has taken on many forms. And lately... It started as a feminist podcast, keeping you in tune with the news of the day. Yeah.

I got my break. Then it was politically incorrect talk. Right? And then it was... Sports. right and then uh then it was sports then it was sports for a long time yeah then just traffic on the ones and we would not do anything between the ones traffic on the six traffic on the nines nothing in the middle but upside down traffic on the nines uh but uh the last couple months or so it seems to be a lot of guests who are joining us on the like one year anniversary of when they were last here yeah oh

so maddie kelly got to fill us in on you know the calendar year she and graham had done a uh a bet last year and we we figured out the results of it yeah year. And I was just remembering the last time you were here was one year ago exactly. Was it really? No. Pot had just become legalized. Oh, yeah. And you took too much of it. Yeah.

How's that going? Well, even at that point, I was practicing. You were practicing becoming a kooky pot lady. Yeah, I was working my way up to being able to handle it. Now, I'm doing great, up to being able to handle it. Now, I'm doing great, guys. Oh, really? Yeah.

Are you doing shatter? Is that another Momo thing? No, it's like a hardened resin or something like that. New England clam shatter. No, no, no. Sorry, I'm getting over a cold. Pardon my squeaky voice. Fine. My constant coughing into the microphone.

That's always nice with a lady. Caramels are my new thing. Oh, yeah? Yeah. Now, just eating the things is better because I don't like the inhaling of things. Sure. Right. Oh, so you get a pot caramel.

Yeah. And does it taste at all like pot? It does a little bit. Right. Oh, so you get a pot caramel. Yeah. And does it taste at all like pot? It does a little bit, but mostly caramelly. Yeah, but it doesn't taste so good that you would just

absentmindedly eat That you want to just eat. Exactly. No, it doesn't. Okay. Not good. You didn't hand any out for Halloween, I hope.

I'm surprised I haven't heard any news stories. Shoot, I've been wondering where my caramels went. News stories about people handing out whatever, dozens of dollars of... Yeah, I was doing that.

What's a candy... What's a caramel cost? Oh, I don't know. My wife orders the things that I don't even know. She just does. She just does it. They just show up? Yeah, in the mail.

Do you keep them in a candy dish? We have a box that ironically was given to us by the Big Brothers organization. We can't put our things in. Although, so there's the caramels that I have that are 10 milligrams because I'm a lightweight. That sounds like a lot to me. I don't think. I mean, is a milligram like a kilogram?

Yeah. Exactly. And then Michelle got some other, like, they're like 50 or something like that and she put those

in the safe so I don't accidentally take one and then just go off and tell a hundred. You have a safe? You have a drug safe? Well,

it's not, it's not a drug safe. What else is in there and what's the combination? It's, um's 609. Do you have a safe? I have a thing that I put documents in that's fireproof. But it's not really a safe.

Does that count? I don't know. I mean, I only ever use like a hotel safe. To put a passport in. Yeah. In case the maid wants passport in. Yeah. In case the maid wants my passport. Yeah.

I mean, I've never, I've used those safes, but I'm always scared that I'll forget the combination that I just made up for it. Right. So I just kind of leave, leave the safe alone. But you have one in your house. Yeah. So. Filled with drugs, overflowing. Yeah. Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs one in your house. Yeah. Filled with drugs, overflowing. Yeah.

Drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs, drugs. Yeah. Nice. I mean, it has like important documents and I don't even know what else is in there.

I don't go in there. That's where the scary drugs are. Yeah, no, that's true. You're not, you have no business in there. No, I stay right away from that. I was, I was having like

one and a half caramels, so 15. Then I've just gone back to just one caramel. And then you watch, you know, Koyaanisquatsy or something? I mostly just fall asleep. You go to the animation festival? You know what the good, here's the, I hate that it's taken me to this age to figure this out, but shows that are not good are good.

Oh, sure. Like THC. Right. We watched The Wife, which is good. Which one's The Wife? Oh, is that a show or a movie? A movie. Okay.

So good. And I was also like, this movie is so good. And then we were flipping around and I got really mad about the Sherlock Holmes movie with Will Ferrell and John C. Reilly. Yeah. Right. I was like, I love Will Ferrell. Love John C. Reilly.

Love Sherlock Holmes. These three things have no business being in a movie together. And so I was like, let's just see how bad it is. And we started, we thought we'd watch like five minutes of it. Awful. Just awful. And also really, really funny.

Yeah. And now you own a t-shirt with it on it. Well, but I see why, you know, lots of those dumb movies get made.

It's for stoned people. Ah, yeah. The stoned market. Yeah. Exactly. I'm a purist. I go to the robert downey jr uh sherlock holmes i think those are the the kind of the truest essence yeah and they're the og

yeah yeah so it's uh it's weird that they spoofed them so soon after when something's that popular yeah that's you know not another sherlock movie How come, where is the Game of Thrones spoof? Oh, boy. Yeah, do you know what I mean? I mean, that last season was pretty much a spoof. If you ask me, ha ha ha, I didn't watch. But that seemed like a thing that was so big in the culture that there should have been. There probably was.

Where is Mel Brooks on this? See, but that's exactly what we were watching. There should have been. There probably is. Mel Brooks. That's exactly what we were watching. And I said, I can't,

there's, it's not good, but it's Mel Brooks esque, but it's missing something. And my friend said, yeah. Um, so, but that's,

it's that kind of tone. Yeah. And I think that is a bit of a lost genre now. I don't think there's a lot of those. Yeah. There were all the uh not scary scary movies yeah right the not another teen movies the epic movie the whatever but then even those kind of dried yeah and now i don't know i don't know brooks said i don't want to make any more scream movies

he was no no no it was the i never saw them the way i know mel brooks and the wayans as i get them confused a lot yeah yeah well they they uh there's a lot of crossover there um but i uh i demand uh a game of thrones slash lord of the rings spoof and i wouldn't watch it because I don't enjoy the source material. Well, maybe get high. Yeah. I should have brought you a caramel. Yeah. I mean, that's always a good tip for anybody out there. Bring me a caramel.

Usually a Werther's. Yeah, Werther's will do. Absolutely. These are squishy ones. Werther's makes squishy ones. It's a whole new world. I don't like that. absolutely these are squishy ones uh they Werther's make squishy ones what yeah yeah yeah it's a whole new world I don't like that

that's too you only want a hard Werther's yeah okay that's that's fair that's the equivalent of Will Ferrell

and John C. Reilly making a Sherlock Holmes movie is a is a chewy yeah Werther's a chewy Werther's like a spoof

of a regular Werther's exactly yes yeah um the other thing that was happening a year ago I believe I love Werther's is like a spoof of a regular Werther's. Yes. Yeah. The other thing that was happening a year ago, I believe. I love Werther's questions. There was a, and I just, this is, I'm saying the new format of the show is we just, I try to remember what we talked about and we follow up on it. Yeah.

Oh. There was a giant piece of furniture that you were trying to get in or out of your house. You guys, it's in. Nice. Okay. Was that where it was trying to go? Yeah. And it was like a 70s entertainment system or something yeah it's a a big console it has a record player it has a television i think that's it but you know the the giant consoles but it has a television in it

that works wow yeah and it was... Color? Uh... I guess it doesn't work great. Oh, okay. I guess you're not watching it a lot. No, but what happened was, which is one of the things that's happened since I was here last, is... Have I ever told you guys about Uncle Fix-It? No. Maybe. Probably. Okay, so our landlords

have this uncle, who we call Uncle Fix-It. I don't know if you ever saw the Richard Pryor show when he plays Mr. Fix it. He's like, just terrible. That's. I didn't see anything old.

I haven't seen anything old. That's right. You saw the, uh, spoof starring Anthony Michael Hall. So. That's new. That's new and hip.

Anthony Michael Hall. Oh, I'm so old. Okay. So, uh'm so old. Okay. So our landlords have this uncle who is like this jack of all trades, master of none. And so we're always sort of hesitant. Thank you. That's him.

That's exactly. Same height. They were sort of hesitant to call them whenever anything needs to be fixed because we know they're going to call. Uncle fixed it. Right. They were sort of hesitant to call them whenever anything needs to be fixed because we know they're going to call Uncle Fix-It. Right. And in the summer, we had a leak, like a water leak. And so they called him and I was like, I feel like this might be a job for a certified plumber. But no, it wasn't.

Well, let's take Uncle Fix-It. Let's let him have a crack at it. Yeah. Well, have a crack at it is literally what Uncle Fixit did. Uh-oh. And hacked apart the main stack. And in doing so, pieces of, it's the original, our house was built in 1923. It's the original cast iron main water stack.

Wow. I don't know what a stack is. Oh, it's like the main water pipe where your sewage all goes out. Goes out? Okay. Yeah. Out the stack. And so. Out the stack.

Yeah. All right. And he. One in the stack, two in the back. He like took a hammer to it and dumb things like that. Well, that's a bad start. And so about a week later after everything was fixed. Uh-oh.

I'm making rabbit ears with my fingers. I came downstairs and I heard a weird noise in the kitchen and I went in the sink was like. Oh, no. I'm making rabbit ears with my fingers. I came downstairs and I heard a weird noise in the kitchen and I went in the sink and the sink was like blah, blah, blah. That's not good. So I thought I'm going

to go check downstairs and I walked downstairs just as water starts to flow across the basement floor. Ugh. And so, yeah, anyhow,

shut all the water off and called the landlords and blah, blah, blah. What had happened is that Uncle Fix-It, who has now been renamed uncle fuck it pieces of this cast iron pipe had broken as he was doing this and fallen down the stack which you think you would notice i'm sure he broke from the outside yeah like well inside the house but yes he was But like, it was visibly broken on the outside?

Yeah, so there was a crack in it, and he took a chunk out of it to replace it with a new piece of pipe. Oh, uncle. But he was like... How old of an uncle is Uncle Fick? I don't know. He's like maybe 40. He's not even... I know, he's not like...

Yeah, he's not like an ancient... I was picturing an ancient man. No, an ancient man would know how to do things properly. That's true. They would know cast iron for sure. Well, yeah, because you've got to season your hands. That's right. Curing it, is that what you call it?

Yeah. So the pieces fell down, and then with the water flow, like... For the home listener, she's doing... I'm doing a emotion with my hand going wobbly and going yep and then just blocked everything that went down and it finally just burst back and so so 30 000 i think was the damage also because then they discovered that the tiles in our basement were asbestos so it needed to be handled differently to be replaced um and their insurance wouldn't pay for it because uncle fuck it is not a certified plumber so lesson of the day always use a certified plumber yeah yeah even if you don't need one

yeah yeah just for anything just date one yeah oh yeah absolutely you know what date somebody in the trades if you're honestly yeah yeah what are you, dating someone with a bachelor's degree? No, no, no. No, no, no. No, no. No. If you, especially if you have a bachelor's degree. Oh, boy.

Find somebody with a trade. If you're somebody in the trades, find somebody with a bachelor's degree. And also, by the way, a lot of these people with bachelor's degrees, they're already married. They're not bachelors at all. So, they're leading a double. They're cheating on their wife. Yeah. They're calling themselves yeah and then you do a trade and it's like a wife swap thing that's

right that they think is happening it's it's dating stuff it's a clusterfudge so the point of the story is there hasn't been a lot of time spent in the basement because sewage flood and then it just makes me angry so you have new tiles down there we have some new tiles because they were like the water only went to here so these asbestos tiles can stay

well the thing is with asbestos Dave is that as long as you don't touch it it's fine once you start mucking with it then yeah but just try to stop me from touching it yeah once Dave knows that it long as you don't touch it, it's fine. Once you start mucking with it, then... Yeah, but just try to stop me from touching it. Yeah. Ooh, I'd love to paw at it. Yeah, once Dave knows that it's asbestos, he's going to get his hands off of it.

Oh, jeez. Well, you are not allowed in my basement then. But yeah, we haven't been spending a lot of time. What was the plan for this item? How long, first of all, how long did it take to finally get in? Like, was it... I mean, the job itself was probably a couple minutes.

Yeah, it wasn't long once enough sturdy people came over and actually lifted it. But, I mean, it was. Uncle Lifted. No, I should have called Uncle Lifted. It was, yeah, it was a good, I don't know, I'm going to say three months. Yeah. I don't like to rush into things. Yeah, well, I mean, it's good to have a piece of furniture outside in Vancouver for three months.

Yeah. Under a tarp. Yeah. Yeah. That's fine. And what's the, and Michelle does not want it. Well, she just doesn't like me collecting things in general. Yes.

What are you collecting currently? Kooky furniture. Yeah. No, I haven't got any furniture in a while i will say cookie jewelry um vintage patterns patterns oh like sewing yeah and what do you do you display them or do you keep them in a file you sew i do so um and i have big plans do so uh i have big plans to use them and mostly don't how many do you like roughly how many i don't have a lot i i it has to be like oh this is really cute and i would like to display it like i got this pattern for um bell-bottom jeans from the 70s and then they're called lady

jeans and they're really that's when ladies were first allowed to wear jeans yeah it was the 70s before uh it was men only dungarees yeah yeah if you pretended that you were a man you could get a pair of yeah you could maybe wear overalls if you were um the son of a southern or daughter of a southern lawyer yeah and you if you if you tucked your hair up under a military helmet, you could fight alongside a Mulan or equivalent. Well, what I love about Mulan is her slacks. Yeah. Well, that's great. What are your ultimate plans for this piece in the basement?

You want it to be like a funky basement? Yeah. I was like, I'm going to make a rec room bar. Did I tell you that I had a bar? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think that's what we talked about. So I brought in an actual bar. Did the bar survive the flood?

Yeah, it's on the other side. And the console, the TV record player thing survived too. I came down just in time to throw the towels down. It didn't reach that. But yeah, it's like a hangout space. Yeah, where people can just eat caramels. Eat caramels, just be yourself. Inhale asbestos. throw the towels down and it didn't reach that but yeah it's like a hangout space yeah where people can just eat caramels eat caramels just be yourself inhale asbestos yeah and listen to records that's fun that was a real like uh when i was a kid i think every other friend i had

parents had a basement bar set up and that that was like maybe a holdover from the 70s. Yeah, a big bowl full of keys. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And the parents were like, just take whatever. Yeah. We couldn't figure this out. Everyone walked home. Yeah, it was before keychains were popular. So I don't know

if it was anybody. So in a 70s key party, and Graham and I weren't born until 1980, so please fill us in. Yeah, we were only, we grew up on 80s Coke parties. I was born in 1970, so yeah, for the first 10 years of my life, let me fill you in on how key parties went. Thank you. So, the, oh, you had a big birthday coming up next year. Shut up, Dave.

I mean, every birthday is big. That's true. I'm not having a midlife crisis about it or anything, so we can move on. Okay. Okay. All right. No, I'm really not. Fine.

I'm fine. I did see you driving around in a kicky little convertible. Dating your secretary. dating your secretary uh i thought uh so in the 70s or whenever key parties were couples would get together at someone's house yeah you put your keys the couple shared a car uh yeah you weren't allowed to take the bus over you put your keys in a ball and then the member of the couple pulls a set of keys out and that whoever keys, whoever's keys they pulled out, they become a sex couple for the night. Yeah. Do they then drive back to the house? I thought that it was, I didn't think that it had anything to do with the car, but I guess maybe it would like the.

I think the sex happened at the party. I don't think, I think it was just a way of, because nobody wanted to cut up little slips of paper to draw. Yeah.

But I was like, we don't have time for that. Just put your keys in the vault. So, oh, okay. Yeah. So, because that's a good question. I always assumed

that it was the keys and then you went back to the house. But I never thought. That would be a very short party. All right, everybody. Yeah, yeah. Put your keys in the bowl. Can I get you a drink?

No, you're just taking a set of keys and going to have sex in somebody else's house. Sex in my house. What are we going to do with all these bugles? I got some ideas. I mean, I all need one to make a little penis hat see i was just gonna say that was that was explained to you that that was the thing in the 70s you put them all on your fingers and pretend you had long fingernails but clearly you had a whole other thing you did with vehicles um never mind yeah okay so that's it's funny i thought I knew how they worked. I'm still not sure.

Yeah. But, yeah, I guess if it's a party, it's a party. That's true. Yeah. And also, people could afford to have bigger homes back then, so you maybe had more rooms. Yeah. To pair off. People could afford to have bigger cars back then.

Maybe you could just go back and do it in your station wagon. Yeah, unless you had, like, a Gremlin. That's pretty compact. Yeah. For, you know, having sex with some stranger. Or maybe somebody that you know, but are not married. What happens if you get your own keys? That would be nice.

It's like the end of the Pina Colada song. Yeah, it's called the Pina Colada song in brackets. Key Party. Yeah. Key Party Surprise. I read actually recently, and I don't know why I was looking at the definition of Key Party, perhaps in preparation for this, that it was the women would pick the keys. And that's the first time I'd read that. I'd never. Well, yeah, I guess because the men are the ones who have the cars.

Oh, yeah. Gender roles. Yeah. But I guess, you know, because then the men would be like, you picked so and so's keys. I don't want to get in a hole with them. Or they're picking like half of them. Yeah. Like of the couple.

Oh, I thought the woman was, I thought you were like blindfolded and you reached in and it was just random. Oh. Oh. Oh, I don't know. I've never read about a blindfold. I think you probably just maybe turned your face. I don't know. But are you picking or are you picking?

No, you're not picking. There's a claw machine. Yeah, yeah. It was very complex. And do you have a fondue set? I don't. I used to, actually. Are you building a 70s house?

I kind of. Yeah, that's kind of my dream. Yeah. I do not have a fondue set. Okay. No. Well, I know. There you go.

Christmas is around the corner. I'm pretty excited. Because I feel like that's another, like. Totally. Let's get together in the 70s and have let's do some lewds and

some fondudes. Yeah. When have you when was the last time either of you had fondue? Are you vegan? No. Mostly.

But no I haven't I haven't had fondue. And this is the thing i think that's the problem with fondue sets is most everyone has one no one uses one yeah yeah but they i think they look uh they look cool you can keep caramels in there oh yeah yeah they have to be sealed in a box because otherwise i'm afraid that the cats will get into them. Oh, the caramels, not the fondue set. No. Cats love a good fondue. Like dogs playing poker.

Which I have the print of in my basement bar. If you were going to name your basement bar, what would you name it? It is named. Oh, it is named. It's Uncle Bunbury's. Uncle Bunbury's. Yeah, because it's a bunch of the stuff that I have. Like I have a lamp from my friend,

Sanera. That's really cool. That was her uncle's lamp. It's a lot of uncles going on. I know. And then I have a bunch of glassware from my friend, Monica's Uncle K, who was a vaudeville performer.

What? And yeah, he was part of a double act in Scotland and then in England. And then he moved to Canada and was this actor who sort of, you know, he had like a small part in The Apprenticeship of Duddy Kravitz and like never really made it big. I don't relate to him at all. So she gave me a bunch of his glassware. He was like the guy who had the basement bar and that you always hang out at his house and everything and the paneled wall and so she gave me a bunch of his stuff so it was very it was like all uncles stuff and it's kind of like like you were saying like every second every one of those uncles could

have fixed the uh better than yeah the vaudevillian definitely had more skills definitely uh so yeah and bunbury is of course our dog's name um who is we have just celebrated four years with our bye hey bun bun yeah happy anniversary big uh what's the cat count in the house oh it's very low oh my god you guys i gotta talk to you about this yeah uh so there are only nine cats in our house right now so there's not there's not enough for one for every month. But close. Yeah. But you know what?

Four of them are the gosh darned podcast kittens. Oh, yeah. Oh, you got these. We still have the podcast kittens that we have now had for a year. So there's these kittens that were available, are still available for adoption named Graham, Dave. Yeah. What were the other two?

Alicia. And well, it was Jessica. Then we realized he was a boy. So then he became, I still call him Jessica, but he doesn't mind. But he's JD. JD. Okay. Also known as Jelly Donut.

Jelly Donut. And Graham never gets called Graham anymore. His name is Biscuit. Okay. Yeah. That's what a lot of people refer to. Yeah, yeah. That's fine.

Are you talking about the cat or? Oh, yeah. Yeah. At what point, because you were fostering these. We are fostering. We are still fostering them. But at what point does the fostering taper off and then they're just your cats? Well, if

we were millionaires, we would adopt them and just keep them. But we are not millionaires and we cannot afford to feed and take care of cats. And clothe these cats. Clothing bells.

Do they have to be adopted as pairs? As a Retail Nightmares pair and a Stop Podcasting Yourself pair? They're actually, Biscuit and Leashie are the two tabbies, and they are more bonded. Oh. And then Dave and Jadels, they more go together. They're two beautiful black house panthers. But they were feral and really still are. Yeah.

Biscuit is the friendliest, and he will come up for pets. That's great. Yeah. What is, what, like, I know the word feral, but what is that? Like, with John C. Reilly, and he, they made a movie about. Sherlock Holmes. But what is. Feral just means not tame.

So they didn't have human contact for the first number of months of their lives. And so if you get them when they're little kittens and they're feral, they're hissy and bitey. But within literally days, they're like. Oh, thissy and bitey but within literally days they're like oh this person gives me money yeah i mean food what do you pay these cats these these cats are all about the dollars you're a sugar daddy yeah money can buy you happiness if you're a feral cat um so yeah they they come around pretty quickly if they're little but the older they are the harder it is to tame them right uh and you may not be surprised to hear that dave is the real holdout he treats out of my hand

but dave does not want he won't let you pet him but the problem is that we can't when a potential adopters come to meet them they hide and they won't come out oh the adopters yes i'm like where am i you're behind the curtain yeah so uh if you have any listeners who have a lot of patience and a lot of love to give and don't mind cats that don't care about them yeah well they do and they will and they're getting there

they've made amazing progress from when we first got them but they still have and I've made amazing progress

yeah that's true you will now eat treats out of my hand and you don't hide when company comes over although I might not

anymore if they're full of pot and then the other Although I might not anymore if they're full of pot. And then the other five cats are your cats? Yeah. Okay. Those are permanent house cats. Yes.

Okay. What's the most it's ever been? And by which I mean the worst it's ever gotten. Yeah. It was temporary because it was, there was like a distemper outbreak at the shelter. And so we couldn't have animals there. And I was trapping as well, trapping feral cats. And so I, yeah, it was only overnight and it was 23. I like how many qualifiers you had to put in place before you said that number. Because 23 is a big number.

That's huge. There were cats in the garage, there were cats in the basement, bathroom. Oh, yeah. It would be very 101 Dalmatians. Yeah. Wherever. Yeah. They can't just run around, lose 23 of them.

So, yeah. Aw. 23 cats. Yikes. Yeah. One, and I start getting itchy. Yeah. I think it would just die.

Yeah. It probably would. I wonder, yeah Yeah I think it would just die Yeah It probably would I wonder yeah I guess your air holes Yeah Filled up with With cat With dander Dander

Yeah And then it's the breathing It's the breathing You wouldn't hives to death Well maybe I mean Inner hives You know

When we turn the heat on In the winter every year We vacuum out the vents. Yeah. And it's impressive. So maybe you should just let me vacuum out your vents once a year. Come over, big boy. Let me vacuum out your vents.

That's a little heard of parties that we had in the 70s. The 70s vacuum party. Yes. Vacuuming. Yeah. I do like the 70s vacuum part. Yes, vacuuming. Yeah, I do like the 70s aesthetic. I can see why that would be like a fun, you've got a whole section of your house that's 70s.

The rest of the house, what era? Mixed? Well, our house is really bonkers. Our house, it was built in 1923. It looks like the house from Amityville Horror, which also you are too young, but there was a remake. Oh, yeah, there's 1923. It looks like the house from Amityville Horror, which also you are too young, but there was a remake. So you probably, Oh yeah,

it's cool. I don't know if it was the same shape of house. Scary movie was kind of a spoof of it. Oh boy, I love it. There you go. Um, and it was owned by the,

the same family, the whole, it's never been owned by another family. It's still owned by that family? Uh, no. Oh, the, uh The baby of the family Who was 88

Then sold the family Too old to be a baby Yeah, yeah Call me old-fashioned I think 88's too old to be a baby Grow up, Bart Yeah He sold the house to our landlords

Who live across the street from us Sold it for a bunch of formula and the rattles. I don't know. I was like, what? Oh, yeah. What are babies into? Diapers? Diaper things? A collectible Caillou doll.

That's what he was into. But he was very eccentric and I think a hoarder and lived in you know like one room in this four bedroom house as a hoarder i i insist that the next owners have 23k well it's funny though because uh oftentimes when i'm out in the yard and people will stop by that have lived in the neighborhood for years and they ask about him and i have to say I'm sorry he passed away and blah blah blah and um then they say I don't understand it he was very nice man so handsome never married and I'm always like I never met the man and I can tell you why that probably was. Maybe my wife can tell you as well. So bizarre I'm always like clearly but yeah no he was very eccentric. The house, it's wallpaper, and it's a different wallpaper sort of era in pretty much every room.

So the hallway is this groovy kind of 70s, quote unquote, oriental inspired with gold. Oh, yeah. Our bedroom is like a Laura Ashley, these pink flowers with green, very like, yeah, ladyish. Michelle loves it. And yeah, our kitchen is, it's like Betty Draper's kitchen. It's got the aluminum, I like the metal cabinets. Oh, yeah, yeah. It totally looks like it's straight out of Mad Men.

So, yeah, it's a very eclectic, weird house inside and out. My friend said, you don't bother giving people the address. Just say, it's this block. Look for the house that looks like where Morgan lives there. Yeah, it's pretty weird. I moved into a place where there was the same type of setup. Like an old guy only lived in one room of this house. Smoked in it constantly.

Where was this? This was way south. This is when I lived with like eight people. Oh, before I knew you. Yeah. And we had to clean the ceiling. We had to mop the ceiling. And it was just like nicotine.

Yeah. It was crazy. We just got a dishwasher. So we don't have a dishwasher. We have like an apartment dishwasher that you have to hook up to the sink. And ours finally died. And so Michelle found the exact same one on Craigslist. And we drove out to, sorry, I picked it up from this lady who lived in a bachelor suite with her four cats and her ex-boyfriend.

They were still living in this bachelor suite. Oh, they're still living in this bathroom. Oh, they were still, oh, yeah. She's like, he's an asshole. He won't move out. So there's like this scale. He's right behind the curtains over there. He doesn't want to come meet you, but. But her boyfriend, her now boyfriend was there.

Anyways, I know. Boy, 609, dude. But this dishwasher, she'd obviously chain smoked for years and years and years inside this apartment. And we got the dishwasher into our car and we're like, oh, wow, that really smells of smoke. And it's still, we've had it for a couple of weeks. And when we run it, it's like wet smoke. But it's dissipating finally.

It's starting to dissipate. Do your dishes come out all yellow? Just around the fingertips. Wow. Yeah. A bachelor apartment with four cats, your ex, and your career. Yeah. Wow.

And smoke. Right? Yeah. A lot of smoke. Why was she getting rid of this dishwasher? No, no. She was like, I just don't have space for it. Yeah. I don't have space for something

that's going to clean my stuff. I need filth. I need to be surrounded by filth at all times. Oh, man. I, uh, like, I've been looking on Craigslist. I'm looking for a shelf. And, uh, oh, you want to talk to my, you can call my

shelf guy you got who uncle shelfy Dominique Dominique yeah Dominique your shelf guy yeah he's a French guy yeah

and uh what is his specialty uh top shelves top shelves yeah well I do need one of those yeah

um I uh but I the whole going over to somebody's house via Craigslist it feels like uh it feels very much every time like it may be the last thing you ever do. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Definitely. Yeah. Like, I'll leave the ad up on my computer so if anybody finds me, they'll be like, oh, this is a clue. Yes, yes. This is a clue. He's trying to tell us something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He left a bunch of breadcrumbs around his computer

that was the plot of the will ferrell john c riley sherlock holmes movie why did they have a computer that movie's too crazy but even people don't it it works both ways because i just got a self-healing cutting mat for sewing off of a marketplace. And the one was like, I'll leave it on the porch. Put the money in the mailbox. I could kind of see her peeking through the window at me. I was like, I'm not going to hurt you. I mean, the porch is fine.

Yeah. The porch is good. I think you can meet on the porch. Like, she can come out to the porch, too. Yeah, she wasn't even doing that. But, like, going into somebody's place. Yeah, she wasn't even doing that. But like, going into somebody's place. Yeah.

Well, don't go alone. I want to. I want to live on the edge. I want to risk it. No, but there was a guy who was murdered.

Remember? That was, I don't know, probably 10 years ago now or whenever he went to buy a ring from somebody off Craigslist. Oh,

yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh. And they just wanted that ring. They weren't going to pay for it. I see. Oh, they killed somebody for the ring.

Yeah. I don't remember who. This guy, Gollum, I think, was his name. But this was a real thing? Yeah, in Vancouver. Oh, in Vancouver. Yes. Oh, shit, I shouldn't be doing it. I should be going to Craigslist things by myself.

Oh, did Dave with you? Yeah. I don't want to get killed. No, but you can go as long as you kill the person that's oh i see okay yeah don't be don't have a ring but i like this put it out on the porch and i'll just leave the cash yeah yeah i've got a ziploc bag yeah you can also be like you can inspect it and be like yell through the window how many years how many miles did you put on this? Shelf. Shelf.

And what would you put on it? Trophies? I need one for trophies. Does. You have a lot of trophies. Yeah. Well, I should have said that I'm looking for a trophy case. I didn't want a bread.

So modest. Yeah. I'm looking for a trophy case. I didn't want a bread. So modest. Yeah, I'm looking for a shelf to put my awards on. But not a case. But if you know somebody that has a case. Okay, alright. There are just trophy cases at like high schools, right? High schools, community centers.

I think those are the big also like somebody's dad in a movie who's really pressuring their son to be the quarterback. Yes. He's got a lot of trophies. I used to be a trophy. Yeah, yeah.

I used to be. I think I posed for the bowling trophy. I still have that outfit. I was a trophy model back in the day. Here, hand me this laurel wreath. I'll hold it up. And I'll show you. Hand me this laurel wreath.

I'll hold it up. And I'll show you. Dave, what's going on with you? Oh, guys, it's a day of hot topics. Yeah. Sunny Hostin's here. Just some fun things have been going through my mind lately. So we're recording this on the 6th of October, November, December, November. November.

And so Halloween was last week uh spook spookly to yours and to you and yours in this season of spookage yep um and on the radio are they on classic rock radio because there's only like three halloween songs that they play. Okay, wait. Let me see if I can... Okay. Clap for the wolf. That's one of them. When the werewolf got gonorrhea. I said it wasn't going to bring up Burton Cummings and you've just done it. Yeah, that's true.

But it was natural. It wasn't me. I just want to point out it wasn't me. I mean, not on classic rock radio. On regular radio, they'll play three Halloween songs. Okay. Monster wasn't me. I just want to point out it wasn't me. I mean, not on classic rock radio. On regular radio, they'll play three Halloween songs. Okay. Monster Mash. Yep. Thrill Her. Yep.

And Werewolves of London? Ghostbusters. Oh, Ghostbusters. Good guess. On classic rock radio, they will play anything that's kind of got like a little bit, something that sounds a little bit scary or spooky. Like Witchy Woman.

Like Witchy Woman or Welcome to My Nightmare. Yes. Werewolves of London is great. Yep. They were doing, they played Invisible Touch by Genesis. Oh, what about, they played Don't Fear the Reaper? Yes. That's good.

They played the Immigrant Song By Led Zeppelin Just because That spooky sounded Well also Immigration is pretty scary Yeah absolutely That process Oh man

Oh you mean From the immigrant point of view Oh yeah sure I'm talking about Joe Sixpack Oh sure That's what I went as At Halloween

This year Joe Sixpack Oh I went as Joe the Plumber. Oh, from Mitt Romney? I don't remember where that was from. I think it was from Mitt. I remember the thing. Joe the Plumber.

Yeah, I don't know. Or was he from John McCain? Yeah, but he was like, hey, everybody. Hey, everybody. I'm some guy. Put me on Dancing with the stuff yeah they're gonna tax me and i'm joe the plumber yeah they should tax themselves um so i i have written a spooky song oh okay and i guess this could wait for next year

no no no absolutely this couldn't wait this is important stuff i ate a juicy spider and a spider web some monster slime and a zombie head i looked in the toilet and what did i see a spooky dookie stop picking on me ah spooky dookie very scary yeah yeah so i need more verses no I don't think so no I think you're good you can just you think I can sell that yeah

number one with a bullet okay like for when the radio show has a little they've gone like a weird amount of time and they don't have enough

time for a whole song we need to fill up a 12 second yeah just throw on spooky dookie yeah we do spooky dookie on the ones

and the twos yeah oh yeah so that's 12 seconds. Just throw on spooky dookie. Yeah. We do spooky dookie on the ones. And the twos. Yeah. Oh, yeah. So that's topic one. Okay. Exhausted. Topic one.

Check. Check. Mark spectacular. Here's topic two. I've been going to yoga lately. Mm. And there's a point in every class where they tell you to just let your mind wander. Okay. And here's what happens.

Sorry, my mind's wandering. You told me to let it wander. It wasn't instruction for you. It was part of the story. Stay focused. It's already gone. Here are my two favorite mind wanderings. Okay.

Number one. What if a really tall person was doing yoga? What if a really tall person was... So we're talking like a George Mirosan. Yeah, I was thinking of Taco Fall, the current tall man of the NBA. Okay, Taco Fall. He is how tall? Seven foot six. He can dunk without jumping.

Man, that's awesome. Just to get on his tippy toes. But still. But when I reach my hands up i'm like you know eight inches below the ceiling taco fall come on i want when i reach my arms out like sometimes we have to kind of stagger yourself so you don't touch the person next to you oh yeah yeah yeah yeah but i still do i'd like him to come over shelf wise Taco Fall he'd be

I'd forget yeah yeah yeah well what would he do just put up a really high shelf put it up yeah yeah yeah

you don't want him to stand there and be a shelf no no no no that would be no no he wouldn't be utilizing his skills to the

you know that's right right yeah so what if a tall person did yoga that's one yeah

the second one so this is a sub topic okay these are the things that I thought about when my mind was wandering yeah because in yoga class

they play this sort of like new agey music yeah spooky dookie but like what if they played spooky dookie? We're doing a 12 second yoga class.

No, and I was thinking, the thing that really almost made me laugh was I imagined the host of the class, the emcee of the yoga, the teacher, I guess. Yoga emcee. Namaste, motherfucker. the class the mc of the the teacher i guess yoga mc namaste motherfuckers how's everyone doing anyone from out of town anybody celebrating uh any inner stillness um the uh teacher i kept imagining them like at home or in their car

in a convertible just cranking this tuneless, beatless music. This is all they listen to? Yeah, this is their what they assume everybody listens to. And that made me also think about that's the equivalent of your high school teacher going home and writing

on the blackboard yeah i when my mind wanders hey i think about weird stuff guys my i my like vision of teachers at home was very like that they were still wearing the outfit that they wore and that uh that they were all when i was kid, I also thought that all teachers were married to other teachers. Right. I had an aunt and uncle teacher combo. So I just kind of was like, oh yeah, that's how it works. You go to school and that's where you meet your significant other.

And the only teachers that were allowed to be single, gym teachers. Allowed to be? Yeah, your significant other and, you know, and the only teachers that were allowed to be single, gym teachers. They were allowed to be? Yeah, yeah. Everybody else had to shack up on their first day, I guess. They weren't single. They were just gay. You just didn't know. Yeah, I wonder.

Right? Come on. Think about your PE teacher, like the women with like the very tight little wash and wear perms. Yeah. I, yeah, I did have a PE teacher that had a, had a really nice perm. Yeah. Yeah.

There was a teacher, he wasn't there for very long, I don't think, Mr. Gerard. And he was super dreamy. Yeah. He had like a real good looking mustache. And he, you know, all of our teachers were a little bit sort of stodgy. And then he came along and he was young, right? I think just out of teaching school. Yeah.

And for the air band competition, he got other teachers to do an air band with him. And he was Kenny Loggins singing Footloose. And oh boy, it was, it blew the doors off the joint. It picked up the Sunday shoes. Is air band a term everyone knows? Yeah. Or is it like a lip sync? Oh, I think they call it lip sync now.

No, now they call it a TikTok. Yeah, now it's all TikToks. Right. And that's not a school school endorsed competition at school it wasn't a competition but we did oh you just had a show we had a show yeah we talked about this a few weeks ago yeah we never had an air band really no oh man but it sounds like a lot of fun and that's probably why my school didn't have it my school yeah the most fun thing was when somebody

stole the mascot's head and held it for ransom. That was the most fun thing that happened. What was your mascot? He was a lion. Okay. Yeah.

That wore a crown? That came from right... The Lion King? Yeah, I guess he was the Lion King. Yeah. Before the Lion King. Yeah.

What was your... Is this high school? Yeah, but we were called the Lord Beaverbrook Lords, which is a huge missed opportunity to not be called the beavers um but uh yeah and our mascot was a lion but somebody stole the head and then sent a ransom note to the principal it was great that is great yeah but i think that was the only fun thing what was your high school mascot um i'm trying to remember uh oh the blue devils we were the blue called blue devils we were the blue demons oh fancier why why the blue

yeah i think probably was like an available costume yes that somebody made a bunch of uh so we did a lot of air banding yeah um and one year uh a bunch of doofus dudes did acdc tnt and made like their own pyrotechnics yeah oh wow which uh before they even took to the stage blew up backstage while you were on stage Doing Your Gowan song Strange animal That's a good spooky song It is

Yeah And One girl Like And this was also The 80s So we all had a lot of Really big

Really hair sprayed hair And one girl's hair It was big Just Up in flames And the dude That. It was just up in flames. And the dude that it had blown up in his face. I remember. Was it a cartoon?

Did he have a black face? It was almost like that. And he was so, he was, I guess in shock or whatever, cause he just kind of confusedly looked around and then left and just was like walking down the driveway. And one of the teachers had to go and get him and be like, uh, you're you just, we have to call the ambulance. Come back.

Wow. Yeah. Was he smoking? I don't think he was actually smoking. That's amazing commitment to the air band. Yeah. That's the kind of thing you could do in my day. Yeah.

Yeah. Pyrotechnics. Did you do, you do air band? Yeah air band yeah to feel like some monty python song okay of course you did yeah fun or oh no oh we auditioned with like you could audition and so like you would audition with like five and they would pick one yeah i feel like we did one of this uh billy crystal and christopherest song. Oh, wow. From Billy Crystal's album that was an SNL sketch. You Look Marvelous?

No, I hate it when that happens. Oh, right. The two doormen. Yeah. I don't think that made it, but maybe the Monty Python. I forget. Okay. That was very cool.

Yeah, you were doing a funny. I was playing 3d chess yeah uh okay while everybody else was lip-syncing to aqua you were up there figuring it out um this was elementary school this was free aqua sure sure um everyone was doing phantom of the Opera. They absolutely were. It was the hottest thing in 1990. Oh, boy. Really? Yeah. I do remember when Phantom of the Opera came to town,

there were kids that then showed up the next day in their Phantom of the Opera t-shirts. T-shirts, yes. By Phantom by phone. It was cats in my day. We actually. Oh, it was cats. Yeah, we took a bus over. There was like a chartered bus that we came over from Victoria to Vancouver to see cats.

Do you think that the cats movie looks like it's going to be the craziest thing in the world? Or are you like, this is the perfect adaptation? I thought you were going to ask. No interest in it. Yeah. You were going to ask if seeing cats at a young age influenced me? I was like, that's how many cats you need? There's many cats that are on stage?

That's how many cats will be in my house when I grow up? Got it. Yeah. I think it's very influential. Yeah. Wow. Okay. Final hot topic.

Okay. Here we go. So a couple of weeks ago, I went for dinner. A big group of us. We went to go see the Comedy Bang Bang podcast live Courtesy of our friend Paul Yeah Something

And you didn't come to dinner beforehand No But the Sunday service folks I was going to say blokes But there's more to them than that That's right Alicia and her dad and a few other people um were all we all met up at moxie's yeah because he wanted to get what what do they have there an appletini what what is a

what is a moxie's known for i don't know what they're known for they're all this the sit down casual uh fast casual restaurant in canada is all the same restaurant yes moxie's is joey's is earls is milestone milestone is cactus club yeah uh and or and also brown social house what is the american equivalent uh chilies or yeah something like that like not not... TGI Fridays. Outback Steakhouse. Yeah. Yeah, okay. But I think Moxie's is like trying to be a little fancier.

And Moxie's is trying to be... Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. And some girls. I don't know. I don't know. You know what? Some of the...

I could rank them. I don't think that'll be necessary. I mean, Earl's is at the top of my, and Milestones is probably at the bottom. If it's a restaurant that you have to be a model to be a server there, that's what we're talking about. That's what it is. You have to wear high heels your entire shift. Yeah. Yeah.

So we went there, and then they paid. So we went there and then they paid when it was time to pay you all. You know, they bring the machine to the table and you put your card in and they give you the tip option and you can put in how much you want to tip. And then I'd never seen this before. After you tip, it also asks you out of 10 on a scale of one to 10. What would you like? How likely are you to recommend this Moxies to someone? Oh. Or just press OK to skip.

Yeah. Let me guess. I gave it a lot of thought. Yeah. And I was like, practically speaking, 6. OK. Like, it was good, but how likely am i to recommend moxies to someone but if you if somebody was like i'm looking for a chili's equivalent yeah you would be like moxies go

to the moxies by the shark club and so that's why i think it's a proximity thing because it's always when i'm going to like something that's near that yeah that's the only reason. So like I said, that's why I said six. I was like, realistically speaking, on an average day, zero. Yeah. But if it came up, yeah.

Yeah. That's six. And I pulled the table and they all said, skip. They said, it's a private ballot. And so,

mind your own business. Although someone else was, one of them was like, this is probably going to be reflected directly onto the server so you should say 10 oh yeah like anything like that like the server is going to hear about you're getting a lot of sixes right yeah and you told us you were an eight so um you're just dressed up as a nine um Huh. Yeah, I've never. Well, it's coming. You're going to get more of those.

Yeah. You know what I do every time there's one of those things with the happy face, sad face. Oh, yeah. Happy face. Yeah. Well, not if it's bad.

Yeah, like at airports or at stadiums, they're like rank the clueless. Oh, okay. You just hit a button. Like in the car to go. Yeah. Okay.

Yeah. Exactly. If you go to button like in the car to go yeah okay exactly if you go to the bathroom in the car to go how how relaxing was that for you uh huh okay

alright so that's so another thing another thing to do another everything I don't like it because I feel like

your tip reflects that right they just don't want to do the math on it uh huh yeah that's true oh I don't tip. Skip, skip, skip, skip.

That's why they're just adding other things. What? What's wrong with you? This guy's clearly skipping. You can see how fast he's doing it. He's not even reading it. Doing a speed run. Although this is the one thing that I've noticed is with the tip option.

It used to be because there's some automatic percentages where it's like 10, 15, 20. It's gone up.

15, 18, 20, 25. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So it'll just

keep going up until it's 50%, I guess. That's fine. 100%. 100%. Yeah.

I'll just pay for this. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Fine. You're a big spender. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I appreciate good service. Absolutely. twice yeah yeah okay fine you're a big spender yeah yeah yeah

you appreciate good service absolutely good service and if you're out there getting rid of a shelf you know I got money to spend

what's going on with you I'm looking for a shelf yeah okay what's the tell me about this shelf what are you what are you going to put on it is it a set of shelves

you want or just like a floating shelf no I just want I want a like a freestanding shelf and like not one that I have to drill into the wall. Okay. And I'm just going to put stuff on it. How tall?

How wide? You know, I don't know the exact measurements. Not a bookshelf? Like not as high, like not up to the ceiling? Not up to the ceiling. Okay. No, but like a, you know but like a good up to my chest. What room is it going to go in?

In the main room. Just for bric-a-brac, nicks and nacks. Your new place is a one bedroom? Two bedroom. Two bedroom. But yeah,

I need a shelf. So you know what? Been looking on Craigslist. And if you don't hear from me, you know your first clue. So it's, and I really want to get into it. Is anything special going on the top shelf or just plants or a television? Yeah, just, no, no, just plants. This is an Etcetera shelf. Okay.

Color? Do you have a color preference? Like wood. Yeah. Okay. If you want it to be wood, you don't want it to be like MDF or whatever. What is that? What's that?

Medium density fiber. No, no, no. And you don't want an MDMA? No, I'm interested in, you know, all the different letters of the alphabet um so anyways remember when madonna put out that album mdna was that the thing that happened was she collaborating with someone named mndr at the same time oh dave's mind is wandering that a deep dive. He's doing his yoga wander. And just bring your mind back to the room. No, no, no.

No, no, no. I want something here. I'm close. I, this weekend, I watched the UFC fights. Oh, you love it. I love it. I love that Donald Trump was there. Was he? Yeah, he got roundly booed. Oh, you love it. I love it. I love the, I love that Donald Trump was there. Oh, was he?

Yeah, he got roundly booed. Oh, good. I like that he keeps going places and thinking it's going to turn out differently. I feel like when the UFC dudes are turning against you, it's just time to pack it in. Yeah, he probably like met with his team and they were like, probably if you go to a UFC fight, yeah, this'll, this'll, you could just go to events that you put on yourself and get cheered. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Is that not enough for you? Yeah. Um, but yeah, it was in, uh, it was in New York.

He got, uh, roundly booed. Um, my favorite thing that happens during the UFC fights is they'll show, uh, famous people in the audience a lot of whom

I don't know who they are but I know that they're fighters because they have weird ears. So that's, I like that. But like how do they get those weird ears? From the friction. But like are they doing that in training I guess? Yeah, and a lifetime of wrestling.

But it's like, I get why rugby players get it, because you play so many games for so many minutes, but a UFC fight isn't going to last that long. No, but I think it's from, like you say, from training. Yeah. Over time. I train with my earmuffs on. Yeah. And you train outside, so it's allowed.

And also also between rounds a little bit of hot cocoa yeah but the the silliest thing that happened during the course of the night

it was several fights and then the last fight of the night was for this made up belt so

the UFC can make up as many belts as it wants yeah i was like are they all made up i mean they are all technically all made up how many wrestling belts are there these days uh probably a lot yeah yeah i don't know anything is it ranked is it like oh by weight okay yeah so they it's like a uh shoot never mind they they uh what's the name of that frozen yogurt restaurant where they weigh you weigh your this can't be yogurt yeah that's right so this belt they had there's so much foof around this they they had the rock come out and present it duane duane uh he was wearing a polo shirt it looked hilarious on him he can't wear anything no without it looking like it's just like his body straining to rip out of it um but he the belt is not a weight-based one it is the baddest

motherfucker belt uh yeah and uh this was the first time it was being awarded but was it okay what was it like most belts are awarded after a match was this a belt they fought for or was this part of an award a lifetime achievement award that is an absolutely a fair question uh but no this was a fight to determine who was the baddest. So if it's not weight-based, are there people going for this belt from different weight classes? I think they were from different weight classes, but

close weight classes. So it wasn't like a gigantor guy in a tiny waif of a thing. Yeah. Slip of a girl. But they they fought for it.

But the whole I don't know why I don't know why the commentators couldn't say the name of the belt. Oh.

The past mother effer effer They couldn't pronounce it. Like what? No they weren't They weren't allowed

to say They weren't allowed to say it. So allowed to say a word so even the belt just said bmf and they just and and instead of calling it the bmf belt i kept saying the baddest mother effer belt huh it was so silly i i won the emf belt what was that for uh for being doing the best lip sync to Unbelievable. Nice. So, anyways, it was the silliest thing to have all these adult people calling it the baddest mother. How many fights were there that night? I think there were five.

And you went to Mark Chavez's house? Yeah. How many people were there uh there was uh seven um and people are very with varying interest in ultimate fighting mixed martial arts mark being that he was the expert he was the guy guiding us through who was who and who but you're pretty expert uhy uh not like him he knows he knows the background of all these guys there were uh gambles yeah you were doing gamble we were gambling on every fight and mostly gambling based on uh either the the short video that they played

in the lead up like i like him he seems to be playing with those ropes really hard yeah or or if uh somebody seemed genuinely nice oh yeah i bet on mostly the nice uh people and they didn't always win no nice guys finish usually uh one way or the other. Yeah. But, yeah, the guy who won the baddest MF-er award, did you,

he was one bad MF-er. Oh, yeah. He wasn't one of the nice ones. No, he was a bad dude. Were they both nice? Were they both bad?

No, the guy that lost was like a nice guy, but the doctor came in and said, no more fight. Oh, okay.

This is, I just don't understand yeah this is too and the winner was george thoroughgood yep and uh he told me personally to get a haircut get a real job whoa yeah i know rude i mean you are the target market for that song that's true um so yeah we watched the fights Lost some money What's a bet on these? Oh, we were just, these were dollar Dollar bets, but then the last

Fight, we all went all in $1,000 Emmett Hall, past guest Made a very funny Ongoing joke that he was calling somebody In Panama to move some money around And that anything short of $25,000 wasn't worth it to him. Yeah.

So how can you tell if a UFC competitor is nice? Mark Chavez tells you. Oh, I see. He says this guy gives you the whole background of both of the fighters. Oh, yeah? And also they show, like show the weigh-in. And during the weigh-in, if the guy's nice, he just goes over and shakes the guy's hand or gives him a hug. But if he's a mean guy, insults his family.

Oh, boy. Yeah. Oh, okay. Makes some snide remarks. And then also goes like he's going to fight during the weigh-in. Yeah. Save it for the octagon fella yeah now these way ins did they make the

scary movie movie yes I was hoping it would come all the way back around but nice I've just got an alert on my phone that a new episode of the great Canadian baking show is now available so

so see ya to wrap this up okay no I can watch it anytime yeah but you want to watch it I'm pretty excited on the double well

my it's my new goal in life is to be one of the hosts of the Great Canadian Baking Show you would be a great host see this is what everyone says

yeah cause I'm earnest yeah and you wear that hat and that denim vest. Especially if there was a contestant named Vern. I know.

I always say, what do you mean, Vern? Yeah, no, it's like. That's one. That's a tough show to find out who the nicest is. That's true. Yes, exactly. Everybody's nice. This is my point, which is why I love it.

Although I will say, we're talking about sewing B or about, uh, sewing. There is a show called the, so it's all based on the, the original was the great British bake off. I don't know why they have to change the names of everything when they come to North America. Now it's the great Canadian baking show. Does bake off sound rude? Well, I don't know why they've changed.

Yeah. Yeah. So a rude guy in the UFC would tell somebody to go bake off. Right. He did that. He's the changed that. Yeah. Yeah. That's what a rude guy in the UFC would tell somebody to go bake off. Bake off. Right. He did that. He's the baddest. Yeah.

But there is also a show called the Great British Sewing Bee that is the same concept, the same camaraderie, the same niceness, the same adorable British pronunciations of things. Yes. They say applique instead of applique oh yeah aubergine gonna make an aubergine costume yes i need a urinal cozy out of aluminium everybody every home needs one of those uh Yeah. I am crazy for that show. I even emailed, like, my contact at CBC and was like, are you going to make this show? Can I host it? And they said no.

And no. Oh, okay. Two no's. Yeah. Make a yes. No and yes. And so if anybody wants to finance the great Canadian sewing bee, I am your perfect host. I agree.

Yeah. Yeah. You can say all the sewing words with the canadian pronunciation well see usually on the so people who chasterfield chasterfield uh usually the hosts don't know anything about sewing and i know a little bit about sewing so yeah yeah you got all those patterns yeah well no i i so i guess i't know, this year I've started to sew again and, uh, I have, I have a sewing room. I like to call it the workroom because it makes me feel like I'm on project runway. Um, that's what I was going to say. That's what your second bedroom's for, right? A sewing room. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought so.

Um, I've, I've got a lot of, uh, I've got a lot of work to do. Yeah. Before you do your draping. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just call me Don Draper. Should we move on to a bit of business? Oh, I don't remember. Maybe overhurt.

Hi, I'm Renee Colvert. I'm Alexis Preston. And we're the hosts of the Smash Hit Podcast, Can I Pet Your Dog? Now, Alexis. Yes. We got big news. Uh-oh.

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I need to look up maxfundstore.com. maxfundstore.com. On my smartphone. You know, to see what's new. Yeah, you can't go wrong with anything from maxfundstore.com. maxfundstore.com. Overheard. Overheard's a segment.

Boy, oh boy, do we get a lot of joy out of it. You hear things out there in the world, share them here on the podcast, and then that's it. Business adjourned. We always like to start with the guest. Morgan, would you lead the way? Sure. I was in a fabric store in Washington State, as one does.

And it was just before Halloween. And there's this little girl that I was, it was like looking at my past, you know, and you see like a precocious little kid. And you're like, oh, that's what Morgan was like as a child. And people, it was a really long lineup and it was taking a long time. So people kept sort of engaging this adorable child in conversation. And somebody asked her if she had any brothers or sisters because people don't know what else to talk to and she said i have a dog sister and i was like well i like her right away but then she just kept telling everybody i am just a girl who loves to make art. And I

just kind of loved her. Yeah. She's got a dog sister. She loves to make art. And my dog sister likes to make ARF. You know what? I can be family friendly. You can be, yeah. You're going to get a lot of corporate gigs.

At family jamborees? Yeah. Oh, boy. Where do they hire stand-up comedians for families? Nowhere? Nowhere. Yeah. Cruise ships?

Yeah. I feel like you have to do... People that I know who work on cruises, they have to do a very, very clean set, and then kind of a medium, and then they get to do a dirty late night clean yeah set and then kind of a medium and then they get to do like a dirty late night yeah somebody i forget anyways oh kathleen mcgee yeah uh imagine kathleen is a cruise ship i mean she's got the dirty set yeah yeah yeah and you know what some like if it was a if it was a maryland manson cruise you know maryland manson presents the ss your own dd

oh boy i mean we're a fun show we're a fun show and thank you so much um dave do you have an overheard um i do mine was uh from my recent trip uh where we were sitting we were getting on a plane and abby and i were settled in our seats and there were some there's like this tour group and they weren't all sitting together and they were all like uh in their 60s okay boomer uh and they uh were asking each other where they were sitting and uh someone asked this this woman in her 60s where where are you sitting? And she said, my seat is the very confusing 40K. Wow. As though it's a code to break.

Yeah, but I mean, on a plane, what is K? Is that a window? That's going to be a window. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. 40K. I was in 43k i i figured it out yeah um because it goes by row and then they just number them sequentially yeah it's not just a grab bag of letters it's not spelling a word the letters go a b, E, F I mean this probably skipped D

Yeah Or maybe it was A, B, C, D Anyway Yeah, anyways No, no way Well now it's confusing Because it was 3, 4, 3 maybe? A, B, C, E, F, G, H, I, J

Oh, where's K? Where's K? I'm confused Oh yeah How did you find your seat? Oh, you know what? I was on the wing Oh yeah

Oh boy You? Yeah How are you find your seat? Oh, you know what? I was on the wing. Oh, yeah. Oh, boy. You? Yeah. How are you doing? Oh, my overheard is courtesy of being on a bus. If you take the ferry over to Victoria, then you take a bus into the city. It's like an hour.

Hour trip. And as I was getting on, there was a couple of teens behind me. And one teen said to the other, this trip is an hour? I might die. And you know what? I was like, maybe. Yeah, it's true.

You might. It does feel like it, that bus. It is like once the ferry's already been 90 minutes, and then you're, oh, we're not there yet? Yeah, you're kind of already uh you know uh you've had enough where do you catch this bus uh you get right as soon as you come off the ferry there's the bus is just waiting where do you get the bus to the ferry uh where do you oh out in uh by the casino oh so you have to take the sky train there yeah they don't do it from this bus station anymore no no no you can't get on one of sky train there yeah they don't do it from the bus station

anymore no no no you can't get on one of those maybe you can i don't know you're talking about here or in vittoria here oh uh i always just take the city bus on either end it's it turns into a whole day like you could i could literally fly to the maritimes and then sometimes you feel like you're gonna just splurge i'm just going for it i'm just gonna splurge and go with like the pcl route and get on the or the greyhound or whatever can you buy a ticket to the bus on the ferry if there is room you can still i don't know if still i don't know i don't know i just uh you know it's a thing things are changing rapidly a lot of la podcasts they'll talk about you know, going to the arc or like, yeah,

this is our, this is that. Yeah. Um, and like, and you're not like, if you're listening in Topeka, Kansas,

you don't care. You just want to get out of there. Yeah. Come, you know what? Come here. Ride our ferries. I mean,

just do like you're living vicariously through us. Yeah. Yeah. Imagine, imagine if Topeka had a ferry. SS your own DD. Love it. We also have

overheards sent in to us from people around the globe. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximum fun dot org.

And this first one comes from your act. The SS your own DD. It's so good. No, I don't understand this

reference, but I also don't know that I'm It's so good. No. I don't even understand this reference, but I also don't know that I want you to explain it to me. I'll just Google it. I'll just Google it in the privacy of my own. Votes are often SS. Yes, that part I understood. Yeah. And you know what?

Yeah. I'll explain that. Yeah, that's fine. Let's leave it at that. There might be listeners who don't know. Don't get it. You know what? Look up Marilyn Manson

and the word rib. It'll take you exactly where you need to go. Oh, I just got it now. No. Okay. Thank you for that. This is from Ryan.

This is from here in Vancouver. My wife and I saw Marriage Story at the local film fest. Okay. It's about a divorce. Wow. Misleading title.

Yeah. Yikes. I want my money back. A divorce custody battle between Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson. Not a great date night movie. Anyways, it ended on a good note because as we were leaving the theater, we heard this review from a loud, excited guy. I just loved the whole thing. It was just so

different from the joker the joker managed to get into this podcast the joker is like yeah it's a running thing that we've been going through as a society i feel yeah he hates society oh what does he know he doesn't seem that bright, the Joker. Do we know what he hates? He hates order. He hates Batman. Why? I guess so.

He wants to strangle Batman's caretaker. This next one comes from Kala M my college is in a shared building with a high school well that's weird

that's good yeah because okay anyways you're like oh I finally graduated high school

and I can get out of here oh damn it at lunch in the cafeteria there was a group of loud teenagers so you're sharing the same cafeteria this is wild what is this building i got pantsed by someone six years younger than me i got pantsed on my first day of college like you just go through all the pain and sorrow of the high school years

only to turn around. I got accepted to where? Here. Right here. My bully's still here. Right here, yeah. Oh, my bully's still here. We're doing campus-wide air bands?

But I don't know any of the young people's songs. At lunch at the cafeteria, there was a group of loud teenagers. As they were getting up to leave, I hear one say say to the group do you guys want to join us we're gonna go stand on the wolf statue and dab at some people that is what is that what they do i guess i don't know wow at that school yeah although anything goes at that school that's true yeah this is a no dabbing zone. This is a combination college high school Kentucky Fried Chicken Pizza Hut or what? Taco Bell. Owned by the

Yum Brands Corporation. Yum University. Yeah. Yum U. I graduated come something at yum you. Magna yum laudi. That's great. We like us.

Yeah, exactly. This last one comes from Jim in Philly. My office had a Halloween costume contest. One guy dressed as Slash Was walking around the cafeteria To scope out the competition As he walked away from one group of people I overheard him mutter Howard Stern? You gotta be kidding me

So the Slash guy saw Howard Stern? Or someone saw Slash? Somebody saw Slash They thought they were Howard Stern Tough to scope the competition When you got that hair in your eyes saw Slash and thought they were how it's turned. Tough to scope the competition when you got that hair in

your eyes. Your hat pulled down though. Boy oh boy. Slash is a great Halloween

costume. Easy. Just a wig and a hat. Maybe carry a guitar around. Some shiny pants but

that's not necessary. He's worn a jean. You don't even need a top just a jacket. Yeah.

Yeah. What a cool guy. That's what I should have been for Halloween. I like him. Although I did come close. I'll just very quickly tell you. So Halloween is a big deal at our house. It's a big deal everywhere.

No, you don't understand. We have an entire graveyard in our front yard. And not like the know styrofoam things you buy from superstore or whatever like like i've made them and i've written things like the death of all my friends on it and some of that it's like you know here lies so and so anyhow uh and it's the we're the scary house in the neighborhood you know kids are scared to come to which i love and um and i have a lot of costumes and friends come over and i just put a pile of costumes out so people can dress up if they want most people don't it's just

me all night long putting on different costumes and so i put and i would just i change costumes and i uh i was wearing this just you know a wig and this like leopard jacket with this uh 70s my mom probably wore to a key party um pantsuit, strapless pantsuit. And I was like, ding dong. And kids went to the door and I'm like handing out candies and I'm bending over and I'm handing out candies and I look up and I see these kids' faces and I'm like, faces look kind of weird. I wonder why they have those looks on their faces. And then I look down, and my strapless jumpsuit is around my waist.

I mean, luckily I had a jacket on, but I'm fully leaning over, just knockers practically in children's faces. Oh, no, Morgan. And they're all just staring at me like, does she know? Like, is that her costume? What's happening? Right?

Is this a weird 70s Elvira? Exactly. Office Elvira? Yeah. Yeah. It's like, here's more candy. Go ahead. Oh, wow. Just to keep your mouth shut.

Oh, man. I came back in. I was like, you guys are never going to believe what just happened. So, yeah. Scary. We're the scary house in the neighborhood for a bunch of reasons now

oh boy in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us

our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's 1 ugh spy pod 1 like these people have it's November 18th hello dave graham and illustrious

guest this is josh from north carolina uh we were watching tv and my girlfriend's eight-year-old daughter was jumping rope and she was jumping the shit out of this rope she was going hard and she jump roped so hard that like one of the handles just flew off and flew across the room and she slowly looked up at us pantomimed a tear running down her face and went all around me are some of your patients all right wow man it's weird what kids pick up yeah he's been watching donnie darko a lot oh wow too well it's good to know that kids are listening to the the classic classic yeah

who who did that cover of the cover was a guy named gary a bald guy named gary i don't know his last name who did the original i don't know i know it was like some some band from the 80s yeah it was an 80s thing yeah you wouldn't understand oh boy i was only a 70s guy what a funny kid yeah i like that kid i like everything i like that the kid was jumping rope hard yeah yeah while somebody was trying i mean do you think you could jump rope at all no and if you did do you think you could give it 80 you'd have to be like going hard yeah that's true but i don't i don't think i could jump rope it's like your uh your ufc guys going hard. Yeah, that's true. But I don't think I can jump rope. It's like your UFC guys training with their, that's where she's headed.

Yeah, that's where she's headed. The bright future. It was originally by Tears for Fears. And then it was done later by Gary something. Boy, we're getting so much about the tears. Gary Jules. Gary Jules. Alright. Next

phone call. Hey guys, it's Neil from Victoria. Just walking home. I passed two guys coming out of a pub and one guy is like, no fucking way. That was the best. And the next guy was like, yeah dude, I've never played spoons like that before.

There you go. Wow. Never played what? Spoons. I thought he said spoons. And I was like, that can't be what he said. He did. That's amazing.

Was it the musical instrument? Isn't that the only thing that plays spoons? Or is there a game called spoons? There was a game we used to play where you it's a card game and you have four cards and you take a card and you're trying to match four okay it's like musical chairs a little bit so there's say you have four people at a table that you have three spoons yeah and actual spoons actual spoons okay and you take a card and if your card if you're not accumulating you're basically trying to get to four of a kind okay and so you're like whatever card you pull if it doesn't work for

you you put it down the next person picks it up and it's cause you're constantly moving sorry you're constantly moving cards around trying to get four of a kind and then once you have four of a kind you take a spoon from the middle yeah and once someone has taken a spoon from the middle everyone can take a spoon from the middle so you try to do it as slowly and quietly as possible and everyone's so focused on getting oh i see spoons yeah but i think if you're in a pub you're playing you're playing spoons and like if you're drinking you think you're pretty good at yeah everybody is great at everything when they're drunk and all movies are good if you're high yeah but also uh maybe they were referring to the band from the 80s the spoon so maybe he's like i've never played spoons i've never played he was a dj yeah i'm doing karaoke of whatever their song was i know i was just trying to look it up quickly but

i couldn't no fair enough. And I don't remember. Canadian new wave band, The Spoons. And was there a band in the 90s just called Spoons? There's a current band, yes. Okay. All right. All right.

Good job, Graham. Thank you. Here we go. Final overheard. Hey, David Graham and wonderful guest. This is William calling from Boston with an overheard. I was just at a sort of fancy gala thing for a nonprofit and I went with my employer. And so the event had lots of different things going on, like an auction and they had a live singer and he was a good singer.

singer. He had a really pretty good voice. And so then the CEO of the nonprofit, the one who organized the whole thing, was describing like, oh yeah, and he started off in his church, you know, and he's made it this far. You know who else started off in their church? Whitney Houston. And you all know how she ended up. I mean, you all know what heights she reached in her career. And that can happen for this guy. And we all just lost it because she didn't realize what she said. All right, love the show.

Off I go. This is a warning to you, young singer. Oh, man. Not a good comparison. Yeah. But, you know, like, there's a lot of people that started in their church and died in a bathtub. No, but, you know, you could have said a Beyonce who started in a church. You know, probably Mariah Carey.

I bet you Celine Dion. Probably. These are all not, you know, scared straight stories. Yeah. The Spoons started off as a church band. Yeah. And now we can't name a song of theirs. Any hymn.

Yeah. Yeah. They could. Yeah. They could sing anything. Ave Maria, I believe was them, wasn't it? What? Ave Maria, wasn't that The Spoons?

This is the one I remember. Oh, yeah. Anything yet? Nope. Yeah. It's called Nova Heart. Yeah. All right.

All right, we tried. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast. Morgan. I am. Do you have something to plug? I mean, not really. I have a couple of short films coming out that I was in. I was in a film called In Loving Memory that's going to be at a bunch of festivals over the next while.

It was written by Andrea Bang from Kim's Convenience and directed by her sister and my lady show colleague, Diana Bang, and Mayumi Yoshida. And another one called Moon Time, which I get to play a wild hippie woman who performs ceremonies for young girls when they get their periods. Ah. So, yeah, a couple of fun little shorts that I was in. If you're going to festivals, you might see. Yeah. Fun. might see. Yeah.

Fun. Shorts. Yeah. Love them. Where else would you see a short? Festivals. Yeah. I mean, I like fun shorts.

Yeah. I wear them all summer long. You absolutely do. Your shorts are so fun. Yeah. Dave, keep it up with the fun shorts. Thanks. Yeah.

Guys. At the end of this month. Okay. The 29th or 30th. Uh-huh. I'm going to do 24 hours of stand-up comedy. You are amazing. Well, we'll see how amazing it is.

But it's all for charity. Yeah. For the Stephen Lewis Foundation. That's a Friday, Saturday. It's a Friday, Saturday. And 10 bucks minimum donation. 20 bucks out the door gets you... 24 hours?

No, it gets you a tax receipt. Oh, okay. And if you buy a ticket, you're there for 24 hours? You're not buying tickets and shifts? No, you're not buying tickets and shifts. But once you buy that one ticket, you cannot leave. So this is at the Havana? This is at the Havana.

What is the... Are people free to come and go? Yeah. We're not locking the doors. But is the restaurant on the outside locking the doors? Well, there's a separate entrance. Oh, I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah.

There's a separate entrance for the theater. Yeah. What do you think hour eight is going to look like? Messy. Okay. I think everything past hour one is going to be crazy. Okay. So is it you for 24 hours?

Yes. Because there's other comedians involved. There's other comedians writing material as the night goes on. Like handing you. Yeah. That's how the person who originated this, Pat Thornton, does it. So why not do the same? Absolutely.

I say, I say. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't reinvent the wheel. Yeah, exactly. Because that wheel is great. Round, goes everywhere. It's doing what it's supposed to do. Well, I'm so proud of you, Graham.

I think you just do good stuff. Well, thank you very much. Good for you. And we'll see how good it is. It'll be live streamed. Yeah. It'll be fun. It'll be fun no matter what.

Yeah, I think it'll be fun. I think I'll lose my voice. I think my back will hurt. Oh, yeah. Are you going to nap for an entire day leading up to it? How are you preparing? I'm going to nap. I've been napping in shifts.

Just for years now. I've just been preparing for this. My whole life has been leading up to this moment. This is going to be great. Yeah. I think I'm going to drink Red Bull, which I never have really done before. Yeah. Maybe a monster.

Are you going to drink Red Bull, et cetera, before you begin or when you start to flag? When I start to flag. Okay. Yeah. Okay. Good plan. Red Bull. But I'm not.

You know what? If there's a better energy drink out there, I'll drink that. Cheetah Power Surge. Sure. Why not? Yeah. Are you going to be taking bathroom breaks? Yeah.

Oh, okay. But that's it no no other breaks no corner breaks where people come over and cut my eye is there like

a scheduled break every hour no just whenever I feel the the mood okay yeah are you going to just

eat on stage yeah or are you not going to eat for 24 hours I'm going to have a foot long hoagie on stage just every hour a foot long is not that big no but you know I'm just going to eat for 24 hours I'm going to have a foot long hoagie on stage just every hour

a foot long is not that big no but you know I'm just going to nibble away it should be a 24 foot and you can have one foot per hour oh yeah one foot per hour oh god

and then one big bathroom break spooky doogie well thanks everybody out there and one day the 29th and 30th at the Havana in Vancouver and then live streamed

somewhere yeah there'll be by next week we'll have a we'll have a web address okay yeah

and it'll be fun you know what you don't have to leave the comfort of your own home you can donate from home. It's my favorite way to donate. Yeah.

Well, thanks, everybody. Thank you, Morgan, for being our guest. Thanks for having me. And thank you, everybody out there, for listening. If you like the show, please tell your friends. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Cast to yourself. Did I say spooky dookie yet? Yep.

Okay. And you know what? Sweat the nation. It was the year everybody was doing the spooky dookie. Oh, I didn't even imagine the dance. Oh, now we're all imagining the dance. It's not good. Just drop your pants.

Do the spooky dookie dance. Pretty good. Yeah. Maximumfun.org. Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.