Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 61 - Paul Myrehaug

Episode Date: May 4, 2009

Comedian Paul Myrehaug joins us for a real dudecast as we discuss bush parties, prom, and Baywatch.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 61 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and joining me as always is the man whose name was the number two choice for Gordon Sumner when he was picking a nickname, Dave Shumka. Yeah, he was like Sting or Dave Shumka. Yeah, and you lost out by a hair.

I personally won. I feel not having to share my name with Sting is great. Yeah, and that wrestler out there, he's the guy who... Yeah, I always got him confused with Ric Flair. I felt like he was just Ric Flair in a mask. Ric Sting? Is that who you're talking about? No, I'm talking about Gordon Sumner. Oh, Ric Springfield.

Right. Gotcha. And joining us here today, a very, very funny man, traveling comic, and all-around raconteur. I don't think that's inappropriate to say. Mr. Paul Meyerhog. Hello. Thanks for having me on episode 61. It's a pleasure.

Thanks for coming out. Long overdue. Yeah, we've been trying to get you on the show for about, I would say, three months at least. That's 12 episodes. That's 12 episodes worth. We've been trying to wrangle you in here.

If my math is correct, that would have been episode 48. Wow. Or so, yeah. That's some speedy math. I don't know if it's correct, but... I doubt it is. It's in that neighborhood.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, it's 47-ish You're like Russell Crowe in that movie Gladiator 30s boxer Well, shall we get to know us? Oh, yes, please Get to know us Have you guys seen the new Russell Crowe movie?

Uh... No, which one is that? I forget I don't know what it is either to get to know us. Have you guys seen the new Russell Crowe movie? No, which one is that? I forget. I don't know what it is either. A Walk in the Clouds? No, that was Keanu Reeves. What was the one where it was him and one? A Walk in the Clouds? Was it called A Good Year?

Yes. Yeah, it was about a tire company. No, it was about a French villa. Oh, is that what it was about? Okay. So what's going on, Paul? You just came back from the Halifax Comedy Festival. Yes, and Mr. Sting was there, too.

Yeah. Sting was appearing at the... I sure was. Wait a minute. That's not my name. And you were sporting nice eyewear at the Halifax Comedy Festival, I'd have to say. I wear glasses when I'm not on stage. Yes, I do.

Yeah, yeah. I've never seen you in the horn rims before. Well, because I have a performer's persona and the real me. Yeah. Like Jerry O'Connell. Yeah. You'll never guess my secret identity. Wow.

I'd have to say I was intimidated talking to you with the horn rims. It was different. Yeah, I didn't know what to do. Was it like talking to Woody Allen? Almost, yeah. If Sting and Woody Gallagher had a kid. Woody Sumner.

Is Woody Allen his real name? I feel like that's a Hollywood name. No, his real name is Allen. His first name is Allen. Oh, right. It's Allen Conningsburg, I think it is. Yeah, yeah, you may be right. Conningsburg?

No, it's Albert Einstein. Albert Einstein. That's actually, here's the trivia time, Albert Brooks' real name. He's Albert Einstein. No. Yeah. Really? Yeah, because his brother is Super Dave, and his real name is Bob Einstein albert einstein no yeah really yeah because his brother is a super dave

and his real name is bob einstein oh wow you think dave einstein but you'd be wrong no bob so that there was a lot of name changing in that family yeah from bob einstein to super dave and from albert einstein to albert rooks because albert einstein was uh he was a pretty uh i don't know he was a he was a scientist He was a pretty famous scientist. Two facts coming your way. Yeah, that's right. He was born in Germany. One of those Germany countries.

Maybe Austria. Who knows? So what's going on in general for you? What's shaking? Well, lots of comedy, I guess. Well, I'm very excited because I'm moving out of my apartment. And my girlfriend picked really wacky colors like cranberry zing and chocolate brown. Can we, let's back it up one color.

Cranberry zing. Cranberry zing. What are we looking at there? Cranberry and then what? With zing inside of it. Because I can picture both chocolate and brown they're uh one in the same yeah but cranberry and zing are polar opposites yeah i know well if if you like you got regular cranberry and then let's say that uh sting picked a cranberry

color it would be i like how you're sticking with the sting yeah yeah sting and zing i'm a rhymer too yeah as well as i know a poet an're a bit of a poet, an amateur poet. That's right, and I know where scientists are from. Germany. Sometimes. So I've spent the last three days of my life painting my apartment back to white, the whole thing back to white.

So you're leaving the apartment and you have to paint it back to white before you leave. Is that correct? And then with no financial retribution. That's right. Retribution. Is that right? I'm not sure that's what he said.

No. I think I stumbled on that a little bit. Okay. But the word was. We're all friends. We know what's happening. He doesn't have to leave this room paid back uh the usual uh thing that you do oh are you painting your old apartment or the new apartment the old

one before i leave before you leave yeah you gotta you gotta cover it up that's right or you don't uh and and i even tried to barter with the guy saying like why don't you keep my damage deposit and you can just do it your damn self. Yeah. And it was a no-go. He said that it's never happened before and you must paint back to white. What's he going to do if you don't?

That was my... I was like, yeah, what are you going to do if I don't? But what I did... But you're a good guy. I'm a good guy and then I decided to screw him. And I'm rich, yes.

I'm filthy rich. But I thought, you know what? If he wants it back to white, I'm just going to paint it with primer and not do anything else because primer's white. So really. Yeah, fair enough. Yeah. It only cost me.

That's a good in-between. That's right. So primer was like $100. And then so I screwed him. Why are girls so keen? Now, it's not all girls, but it seems to be exclusively girls that always want to paint. Like, they always want to paint a place. Paint in place.

Why do they want to paint places that they move into? Why not just leave it the color that it is? That really, unless you moved into a place and then you own this place. Yeah, as a renter my uh my goal is to leave everything untouched yeah yeah it seems though that why put up pictures uh or as i call them pictures yeah putting up pictures is one thing but i'm really painting a room it never i don't think any time there's never been a guy who has initiated that decision and said, well, let's paint the living room like a cherry zing.

Yeah. Or a cranberry. Well, no. You say cranberry. I say cherry zing. Two different things, Dave. The expression painting yourself into a corner, that refers to painting the floor, right? Mm-hmm.

Who does that? Mr mr. bean for one mr. Dean for sure he would paint himself into a corner any day of the week if you owned a boxing club you'd probably paint the floor like black and stuff yeah that's true so yeah and with the resurgence of MMA it went away for a while but it's back there's a lot of the same thing. Floor painting. Or you might paint it red to disguise so people can't see all the blood.

Dance clubs, often. There's some sort of paint on the floor. Alright, your points are well taken. I mean, he wouldn't paint a carpeted floor. No, no, no. Surely. Sometimes they paint wood floors. I think that's a bad idea.

Yeah, well, what if it's a stage? What if it's a place, a future home of Stomp? All the world's a stage. And I got a question. Is staining wood the same thing as painting wood? Like, you could stain a floor. You could stain yourself into a corner.

You could stain yourself into a corner. You mean if you spill, like, a thing of grape juice on the floor, like, you stain the floor? No, no, no. No, no, no. See, now I'm being controversial. Okay. yourself a grape juice on the floor like you stain the floor no no no no no no like uh now i'm being controversial okay so you travel i just thought maybe you're an idiot no we both thought it uh you travel a lot like as a comic you probably travel i would say more than most of

the comics i know like you're you're you seemingly are on the road, what would you say, three weeks out of the month? Yeah. Is that fair? Definitely, definitely that's fair. And then if I can't book a week in Vancouver, then it's four. On the road, yeah, all the time.

So that's how we got you this week, is you're booked into Vancouver. That's how we were able to... That's right, yeah. So how we got you this week was is you're booked into vancouver that's how we were able to that's right yeah so i'm hanging out uh this week and then next week i only in colonna so i actually i feel like i'm gonna live here for like 14 days or so which is uh which is pretty crazy because you've moved here and then you've just you've been so is that uh you like you staying in hotels and such? I've always, like as a kid, hotels were my favorite thing. Like we could be on vacation in Hawaii and I'd want to stay in the hotel.

Okay. Yeah, like I wouldn't want to go outside because I like the mini bar and stuff. Like even as a kid. TV, different channels. Different channels, yeah. Got to figure out which one goes where. Yeah, it was a fantastic thing. But I think, moreover, I'm starting to learn how you boys live in Vancouver because... What do you mean, you boys?

You boys, like the comics. There's a few girl comics. Like, there's Jane Stanton. She has a vagina, for sure. She does, yeah. No, I mean, well... The proof is in the pudding. Don't know what that means.

But it's a different lifestyle out here. You have to book a little differently out here than you did in Toronto. So I'm starting to learn that a little now. Where are you from originally? Alberta from Camrose, which is just outside of Edmonton, basically, Edmonton. So you like being on the road. Of all the hotels you stayed in, and I'm talking chains, your Sandman's, your Ramada's, what's your favorite?

Could you pick a favorite? Could I go high end? Oh, yeah, no, absolutely. I definitely say Westin would be my choice of hotels. Of all the Westins that you stayed in, which is the top Westin? Oh, man. Oh, Delta. I can't forget about the Deltas, too.

Oh, yeah, the Deltas are nice. Deltas are... Yeah, so I'm going to name two. The Delta in Sun Peaks Resort, which you guys have stayed in, I'm sure. Very, very nice. I have not. Oh, man, it's unbelievable. That is a very, very nice hotel.

That's a fine hotel. And then the Westin in Halifax is my... Oh, you stayed at the Westin? No, but when you do the club, when you do yucks there, you stay in the Westin. And I like it because it's like the oldest hotel there, and it's haunted. It's got a few... Did you see any ghouls? I was there Halloween night once.

Really? Yeah, Halloween night. Wow. And I didn't go drinking that night, which is weird, but I decided to stay in and... Eat some candy? Eat candy. Yeah, sure. Yeah, like a normal guy.

And then I went for a late night workout, and here's what happened. I finished my workout, and I was leaving the workout room, which is adjacent to the pool room. And out of the dark corner of the pool room, there was a figure carrying chains. No. Big chain. Yeah, I swear to God. And he's coming out of the darkness. And I screamed like Jane Stanton would.

Like a Jane Stanton? Yeah, like a real high-pitched scream. jane stanton would like a real high-pitched scream and uh it turned out that it was the it was the maintenance man honestly carrying change because the lock had broken for the pool so he was chaining up you never see really you never see living people with chains unbelievable hey halloween wow haunted i'm already so scared yeah you also never see people carrying the the candle holder thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To find their way in the darkness.

With a sleeping cap on. Dave, have you ever had a ghost experience? No, I haven't. I lost my virginity to a ghost. Really? We'll get to that later. Albert Einstein's? No.

Strangely enough, it wasn't a gay ghost. Here's the thing about ghosts. Anyways, you tell your story. I don't have a story. I just got back from Halifax. Are we talking about me? Yeah, let's talk about you. Let's talk about Dave for a while.

Enough about Dave. Let's talk about you for a while. I just got back from Halifax, and apparently there's Abby. Abby flew out with me. She flew out a couple days later. Abby, for anybody who's a first time listener. My girlfriend, her own person.

Yeah, she's also her own person, yes. She flew out on points. I have to point out the festival did not pay for her to fly out. They barely pay for you to. Well, I was happy with what it paid for me to fly up uh anyway she had we were

walking through a town not a very big place halifax so it was my first time there uh it reminds me a lot of victoria very maritime very british um but abby had heard about this place and we walked past it and apparently there's I think it's a cafe or a bookstore something. She pointed it out. She had heard of it

and it has a ghost who stands in the corner and only women can see. Really? Yeah. Did Abby see it? We didn't go in. But.

Wow. Not much of a story. No, you know, but it's... I do like those ghost stories, especially about where there's a history of the person and they lived at the place and something happened. Great. But overall, Halifax, you had fun?

Yeah, yeah, it was really... For people who are listening, the kind of last... Everyone is. The last time that we kind of brought it up you were gonna you were about to go we're very excited

about you being on a show with one Michael Winslow right fill us in Michael Winslow for anybody who doesn't know sound effect guys

from guys guy guy he's still just one guy from Police Academy Michael were you on a show with him as well yes I did I would like to see guys. Guy. He's still just one guy. From Police Academy. Michael, were you on a show with him as well?

Yes, I did. I would like to see a cross-pollination of stories, starting with Dave. Go. The night I arrived, I didn't actually end up seeing your set, but I went to the... There was a show at the casino with Paul on it, and I think I arrived late, but I walked in right when Michael Winslow was on.

And he was doing his thang. And he makes sound effects in his act. And then blah, blah, blah, blah. No, no, but tell me what you told me about the remote control. Oh, well, his act is basically, if you were a 10-year-old kid and you could make a bunch of awesome sound effects, it would be the exact same act. It was like, hey, they don't like me at grocery stores because I make the food talk. That's exactly it. That's exactly his joke.

How does he make the food talk? What does the food sound like? That's not a sound effect. I don't get it, though. He'd be like, This is a cucumber. I'm a cucumber now. He said something about the

Yes! He said something about the cereal aisle, but then didn't have a sound effect for it, so I didn't get it. Crunch, crunch, crunch, crunch, Cap'n Crunch. Right? Well, no. And then the bit

goes into him. The places where you can check you don't have a cashier check it out. You just scan your own stuff. He just makes the beep noise. Right. And so he pretends to make the beep noise while he steals groceries. Yeah. So basically, Michael Winslow's premise is, even though I'm Michael Winslow, I'm so broke,

I have to use my superior ability and sound effects to steal food from the grocery store. And then he does a bit about, I found this weird remote control. He talks like a little kid. He's very childlike.

There's a difference between childlike and childish. Childlike is a good quality. So you would say this was childlike? Yes. Okay. And he talks about this... I found this weird remote control. And it's a time machine.

It sends him back to Woodstock. He does this Jimi Hendrix thing. Anyway, in the intermission, I left because the Canucks game was starting. With the time change, it worked great for me. And there were these, they call them pedways. Yeah. Plus 15s, you call them in Calgary. That's right.

They're walkways to go between buildings. They're overhead walkways because it's very cold outside, so you don't have to get wet or cold. And so you just walk. From the casino to the hotel, there were like three or four of these overhead tunnels that you walk through. And I left during the intermission

and Michael Winslow left right after me. And I was by myself and he was by himself and he was behind me the whole time walking through these walkways. And it was scary because he just kept making sounds to himself. And they were like laser sounds. So I felt like I was being chased by Blade Runner. Those hamster tunnels in Halifax are pretty cool, hey?

Because you can go anywhere in the city above it, just like a little hamster. That's sweet. Mm-hmm. That's pretty good. Yeah, yeah. It's a good idea. It is a good idea. What was your Michael Winslow experience?

Did you have one? Yeah. Well, I think, for one, when you shake hands with him, he's got some sort of rheumatoid arthritis thing going on. Did you notice that? Did you shake his hand? I didn't shake his hand. I was on the show with him, but there were a lot of people. Because that is an interesting thing, because in the Police Academy movies, his hand was always curved.

Like Bob Dole. Exactly. You're making this hand motion where the fingers are straight, but the tips of the fingers are bent in. That's curved. Like Bob Dole. Exactly. You're making this hand motion where kind of the fingers are straight, but the tips of the fingers are bent in. That's right. And it's kind of like a scraper claw. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

He's like a little mole, a little tunneling mole. Yeah, he's like a little tunneling mole. Yeah, that's right. And he could make the sound effect. Whoa, that's... Yeah. That's how a mole tunnels. but uh but you said childlike quality and it's not even and that's right on the money and it's it's off stage too like i would see him around halifax and he had like his safari hat going on

and maps of the town and he was talking to himself in the mall all the time he was very very childlike he was having a blast just going sightseeing like he was going to see the titanic grave sites and oh right yeah like he was he was very very childlike and he was just having an absolute blast and i think he stayed i don't even know if he had the show the final night but i'm sure he did yeah oh he did okay because he was there the whole time like the whole week the and most of the big names like that are just in and out for one show right but he was very much he stayed and and he had just a blast going around town by himself and and uh and also when i met him outside he had a uh boot mickey of rum with him during the day. And he was sightseeing and taking little hits

of rum and stuff. Just having a good time. Having a great time. It was a great festival and I met a lot of really great comedians. Really nice guys. Jack Benny. Johnny Carson. The greats. Yeah, he met all the greats. Well, it's haunted. Flip Wilson.

That's right. They're all at the West End now. But I was sick as a dog before i left uh like a dog with swine flu uh yeah yeah uh canine flu and i i i was on the mend when i flew out there and uh so i was basically better I but the one problem I had was that I couldn't like all my senses were dulled like I couldn't hear as well I had trouble like I could feel things but like I never knew when I was hungry and I had Abby there with you right she figured that stuff out for you and i couldn't

smell or taste anything like so no lobster enjoyment yeah so i was like but you don't really taste lobster anyway though you i've never had it what i'm allergic to oh as per our conversation before the podcast you you taste it i it tastes like the buttery garlic dip the butter yeah that's what it tastes like is about you might as welly garlic dip. The butter, yeah. That's what it tastes like. You might as well just drink a glass of butter. Yeah. So I was in the lobster capital of Canada.

I couldn't eat anything. There was no point in enjoying a lobster. Wow. See, I got sick during the festival, as did a lot of people. Thanks to me. Yeah, yeah. I bet you were the yeah you were the you you spread zero i think they would tell you he gave it to me before he left so man i was the monkey from outbreak oh god yeah because everybody got sick every like the makeup girl

was sick by the end of it and uh i thought i thought i had uh the hog flu. The Meyer hog flu. The Meyer hog flu. Boo. Boo. Well, you know, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed everything about it. Yeah, but I spent, I'd say, three nights in my hotel by myself just trying to sleep off that goddamn cold or whoever that you spread around. Yeah, well, yeah.

The sting cold. Thanks. Yeah, I sent Dave a text message his first day in Halifax saying, I spit on your grave. You said that before I actually left. But then I sent an accompanying Facebook message that made the same point. I will spit on your grave.

But I don't have a laptop, so I couldn't check it. No, but someday you'll have a grave, which I will spit on. Well, Graham, what did you do while I was out? First of all, let me just say this. Missed you. Oh, shucks. Second, I took care of some Statham-related business

and went and saw Crank 2 High Voltage. The day you left was my first order order of business and i'm a big jason statham fan okay i just love that you can only do it when dave leaves town that's gonna be like now i can go to yeah exactly right he's not gonna be keeping the mice will play with the wife i don't get it weird so i went and saw it. Here's the thing. For anybody who saw Crank 1? Yeah. Because I got a lot of

messages from people that I don't know via Twitter and Facebook asking me had I seen Crank 2 and really encouraging me to see it. Not as good as Crank 1. Crank 1, have you seen Crank? No, I haven't seen Crank. If you ever

want to see a really funny, over-the-top, exploitation-type film, Crank is great. Is that the one where he gets a shot in the neck? Is that the one? Yeah. He's been poisoned, and he has to keep his adrenaline up.

It's speed, but instead of a bus, it's his heart. It's his heart, yeah. So it's a lot of fun, right? That movie's over-the adrenaline up. It's speed, but instead of a bus, it's his heart. It's his heart, yeah. So it's a lot of fun, right? That movie's over the top. It's super silly. At the very end of the movie, he hits the ground after falling out of a helicopter. Spoiler alert.

Well, you wouldn't go into the second one without knowing this. The second movie picks up at... The tagline for the second movie is, he was dead, but he got better. And so what happens is, he hits the ground. The very first thing you see in the movie is him hitting the ground. And then an Asian gang comes up with a snow shovel and scrapes him off of the ground. And then they steal his heart, replace it with kind of a mechanical heart. And the whole movie is him looking for his heart.

That is the entire plot of the film. Like the Tin Man. Yeah, exactly. And it's not as good as the first one. Still a lot of really... There's some really big laughs in it. So I did that, and I was in a theater with...

It was only two days old in the theater, and there was only like ten of us in the theater. It was a Monday night. Was one of them Jason Statham? I wish. Oh my god. Meeting that guy? That would be it for me. I have an idea for Crank 3.

Well, there was a lot. I went on a message board and me and another guy ended up putting in a lot of back and forth about ideas for Crank 3. What message board? I went on IMDB to look up a quote from Crank 2, which then I put up on Facebook. But then it led to another message board,

which led to another message board, and I ended up going back and forth with somebody about possible scenarios for Crank 3. Deep in the Crank message board which led to another message board and I ended up going back and forth with somebody about possible scenarios for Crank 3. Deep in the crank message board. I don't sleep a lot. So in the insomnia hours, that's what I do. It's all about boners.

And 90 minutes someone injects he's got to keep his boner for 90 minutes. Someone injects him in the crank, if you will. Comes back around. And basically, he's got to keep his boner the whole movie. Well, it's not bad.

It's not the worst one that we threw out during our discussion, but it's not the top. Tough pitch, though, to pitch that to the execs, eh? Well, if you see Crank 2, you would see it's not that much of a leap from what he just said. And also, there were other things that happened during the week, and I can't really recall

specific incidences. I've been working a lot and not sleeping a lot. Those have been the two main themes. But this last night, it was downtown, drinking, and then... Here's a reason why you can't remember most of the things that happened last night

well no I mean there were a lot of things that happened but there's nothing that would be podcast discussion worthy or appropriate body stuff but this thing was last night I was walking home and the Canby Street Bridge the kind of thing about

Canby Street ever since it's been under construction is it's like a game of uh i don't know what the game equivalent would be but every time you go there's like a new thing that's blocked off and you have to find a new path to get where you're going dig dug yeah dig that's a good one. Yeah, yeah. Nice. So I was walking, and there was all this. It was pylons galore and tape hanging up and a huge sign that said, Cambie Street walkway closed. Use other side of bridge. But it's not like you just cross the street. Right.

It's a 20-minute walk to the other side of the bridge for a pedestrian. God, yeah, yeah. So I said, well, this doesn't apply to me. So I just climbed through all the warning things and walked across the bridge. And I wasn't even thinking about it. I figured it was pretty good. And then I came across, there was a lady walking the other way to downtown. And I asked her, what's at the end of the bridge?

Is there something that I can't get through? Obviously not, because she was coming the other way. And she said, oh no, you just there's just kind of an area that's blocked off, and I had to kind of like go up over a median. That's it. So I thought, oh great. Well, obviously I paid

no attention to the right thing. I'm going to just go. It's fine. It's not like the bridge is going to end halfway. So I'm walking, and then I get just like across i clear the water but just as soon as i get to the other side the bridge has been completely fucking demolished it's just oh really yeah it's all just uh diggers and it's a huge hole in the ground there's nothing and i was like oh well fuck uh there's no way to get out of here because it's

all fenced off and then i see this guy's head pop up from behind the thing it was like ah security guard and well i was also notable because i was peeing at the end right as you walked yeah because i walked but then the guy was like do you know how to get out of here it was some guy who had done the same thing going the same direction, but then he got into the construction yard and couldn't get out. Oh, wow. So he was like, I can't get out. Like, there's no way out of here.

And I helped him out because he had fallen into a... So I helped him out of this. Like, in between these two machines, he'd fallen out, so I helped him out. While you were peeing? No, after. This out, so I helped him up. While you were peeing? No, after. This was after. I saw the this. Crank three.

So then I helped him up. He was very nicely dressed. He had just come from some fundraiser somewhere. Classy guy. So his name was Bryce. I love the name Bryce. Yeah, it's good fun. It's a very funny name.

But so we ended up having to climb over a fence. And he was in, like, these really nice clothes. And we walked. We were headed in the same direction. But he was just the whole time so grateful that I had pulled him out of this hole and got him. You know, because he was panicking. He didn't know how to get out. He thought he was going to be arrested.

And I found, like, kind of the shortest fence, and I'm like, we're going to have to climb over this fence. And so there's still some dirt on these pants, which I was wearing last night. So, I mean, you know, that happened. So, you know, some things. Adventure. Yeah, I'm big into adventure.

You weren't tempted to jump in the pit with him and play with the machines? No, I was no i was the rest well no he had fallen between machines there was no okay poor guy he would still be there today if it weren't for this uh i don't know how the girl passed him and without no conscience obviously she noticed because he was stuck between machines right she was trying to screw you because she's like, oh yeah, no big deal. Maybe she was a ghost. She was a ghost. She was carrying chains.

I should have known. Total ghost. Great. Great. That's a pretty good tales. Hmm. I got a question. You said you worked lots this week,

but what you, because I don't, your listeners probably know that you are a great Canadian laugh off winner with lots of money in the bank and you're still working like an honest man? Oh, you don't know Graham's day job?

No. I'm on a TV show. Oh, yeah. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. I'm sorry. I didn't know about that. No, yeah, yeah, yeah.

So that's what I do. But we have both won that great Canadian laugh-off. That's right, yeah. Who do you think is going to win this year? Actually, this year is the best field that it's ever... So we got lucky is what you're saying? Oh, I think I got lucky. I was in the poser year, you know what I mean?

For sure. I clucked like a seagull to 25 grand, which is not right. But this year... I did the same routine. Maybe that's the cake. Just cluck like a seagull. I don't know that bit. Who's in it? This is a

solid field this year. Really, really, really solid. Good luck to all the competitors. Speaking of competition, a couple weeks ago we had a lady on named Nicole Passmore who was going out to compete with her high school team. Did we find out who won that thing?

Yeah, I think... Did she win think not them. Oh, okay, so it wasn't a tie for first, as was predicted by me. Maybe I shouldn't go to the horse track tomorrow. My skills may be off. She hasn't told us, but I did some research

and if I'm correct, they did not win. You know what, Prince of Wales team? Next year. Dream big. I i mean unless you're graduating which case there's no chance yeah you can't go back it's over your life will never be as good as it was in high school is that true my life was shit in high school so i know but your life's shit now that's true god you're right but it's not it's a different quality of shit yeah this is this is more uh compact yeah no i don't i don't know how was high school for you i i loved high school did you

really yeah were you popular uh i don't yeah like i i had a few friends you know like i i would call people and hang out and stuff you're just one of these guys that i could see people they want to hang out with you you're a friendly guy yeah good time I could see people, they want to hang out with you. You're a friendly guy. You're a good time guy. I'm not threatening, for sure. I'm not a threatening guy. No, I don't even know if I would take a threat from you seriously. No, you can't. You can't.

It's too goofy. I'm too much of a goofy guy. But I had a blast. But I was in, like, Camero's a small town, right? Oh, okay. So small town. You know, everybody knows each other. There's bush parties and stuff like that.

What's a bush party? A bush party? What? Really? Really? Never heard the term. Are that. What's a bush party? What? Really? Never heard the term. Are you like a staunch city boy? Vancouver? I'm from Vancouver, but I don't consider it the city.

I don't feel like I was raised in the hood. Oh, well, bush party. You know what a bush party is. I certainly do. I've been to butch parties. Oh, and he did go to a party celebrating the band Bush. Yeah. So that was...

It's a rain. Nigel Pulseford. Go ahead. You explain what a Bush party is. Well, yeah, because in small towns you get hassled by the fuzz quite a bit for the house parties. The mustaches. The pigtails, right? The coppers, the flatfoots.

The pigs, the mustache, the flatfoots. So what you do is you would all have a place to meet literally in a bush, like in a forest somewhere outside of town, or the gravel pits. Like in Dazed and Confused. Yeah, that's right. That's exactly it. That's a bush party. And you'd steal a bunch of pallets from a trucking company,

and you'd make a big bonfire, and then you'd get drunk, and eventually there would be fistfights, and it's good times. I just always ended very peacefully. There was very rarely any fistfights in our bush party situations. Yeah. Wow, wow. I think it was we all took it as an us against them. So let's not break the ranks. Let's not have a fistfight within our Fish Creek Park.

I can't remember one bush party that didn't have a fist fight in it growing up. Not even one. Well, I'm sure there were fist fights. But I'm from like a more... because you're from out here too, right? No, I'm from Alberta. Oh, you're from Alberta? Yeah, born and raised in Calgary. Get out of here. Yeah. So that's why I know

of bush parties. We should touch dinks. Alright, we will after. We'll cross the streams when we're peeing. Yeah, we're both allergic to penicillin, too, so that'll be... It's a bonding thing. It's nice. It's like getting tattoos in the Navy. I can't believe you never went to a bush party.

That blows my mind. No, I haven't. I'm allergic to Navy tattoos. I should point that out. No swallows. No swallows. Yeah, I don't know why. In my defense, in high school, I did not go to many parties at all.

I was not a popular cat. I don't believe that. But I would never know what was going on, and then I would find out what was going on, and I would be like, oh, no, I'll stay home and watch TV. Oh, okay. Yeah. Oh, Dave was also a goth. Yeah.

You were a goth? No, I i wasn't but if we're being serious how great would that i was not a goth but if we aren't being serious then let's talk about my being a goth because finally i remember when i was a kid uh i used to play soccer and uh i wanted to wear spandex shorts underneath my soccer shorts, like Michael Jordan. You know, the famous soccer star. But I had really skinny legs, and my dad couldn't find spandex shorts small enough for my skinny legs. So I had spandex shorts loose on my legs underneath my soccer shorts. But if I was a goth, maybe I could find

stripy girl tights to wear down my whole leg. Yeah, leggings. With the seam up the back of them. That would be out on the pitch. That would be sexy gear, man. You guys remember from Saturday Night Live that reoccurring sketch, Goth Talk?

Goth Talk, yeah. I submit that that's one of the more, of all the sketches that they've turned into movies from Saturday Night Live, I feel like they really missed the boat with not turning that into a movie. Yeah, although it did start Chris Kattan and Molly Shannon, who have zero box office appeal. Regardless, I really think if they were going to make Night at the Roxbury into a movie, then they surely could have made room to make Goth Talk into a movie. Because they have never so nailed a niche of humanity as they did in Goth Talk. The Goths in the basement in

Santa Monica or wherever they are. No, it was in Florida and it was always like... Super bright? No, it was community TV that had the still that came up before every sketch was like a smiling sunshine. And then like Jim Brewer coming in. Jim Brewer as the older brother

would always come in and what are you guys doing down there? And it's so funny. Really holds up. Yeah, it really does hold up for me. I'm sure if I watched it today, I would judge it as such. Should we move on to possibly some Overheard? Yeah.

Overheard. Overheard. Overheards. The segment of the people for the people, sometimes by the people. Yeah. Now, should we do the plug for the show now or after the overheard thing? Yeah, why don't we plug it now? Okay. So, overheards, for anybody who's listening to the show, you know what it's all about.

You send in things that you've overheard. We are doing, Dave and I, we're going to try for a first time ever to do a live chunk, basically, of this show. It might be a whole show? I'm not sure we're recording it. Well, we're going to record it. We don't know if we're going to release it. Depending on its success, we may or may not release it but it's happening on may 15th at the cafe de soleil at 8 30 uh it's a show it's like a variety show and we are doing like a

half hour uh worth of the stop podcast to yourself one of the things we really want to do and this is for the listeners out there um if you come down, we will have a microphone dedicated to people who want to share their overheards with us. Because that's what we do in the long form. People call in their overheards. They write them in. We give our overheards. But this is your chance to be part. Actually get the audience reaction that your overheard deserves crave uh right at the source and we're like i say we're doing that uh may

15th here in vancouver at the cafe de soleil and uh so that'll be your opportunity to do that uh we will uh tell you the website to check out at the end of the show but overheards dave do you want to lead the charge this week sure um i uh the other day i was in shoppers drug mart i was hoping in all my travels that i would pick something up but no dice something from a ron james or something right from a uh something from a chris murphy of sloan yes or a matt murphy of super friends yes um but no dice i uh Sloan. Yes. Or a Matt Murphy of Super Friends. Yes. But no dice. When I returned back to Vancouver, I was in Shopper's Drug Mart, and there was a Spanish-speaking couple in there.

And they were walking towards the feminine hygiene products. Yes. And this overheard only works if I can master the Spanish accent. Okay. They were going to the feminine hygiene products, and the guy in this couple, a Spanish gentleman, pointed to a box of canestin. Yeah.

And all he said was, canestin. Made me laugh for the time. of canestin yeah and all he said was canestin canestin canestin canestin canestin maybe there's a little thing over the end yeah um i'll do an accent one in honor of your accent one. Please. This is from last night downtown. I passed, there was three ladies waiting to cross the crosswalk. And there was English accents. And this is my favorite style of overheard, where I've obviously waited in at the very end of a conversation. And I haven't heard any of the lead up. But the one girl goes

Bernie Mac and the other one goes no Gregory Hines so I don't know what dead black guys category dead black guys they're doing a drinking game

mine was I was in Prince George, which is, you know, a fabulous town. The capital of BC's north. Way up north. Way up north. The air gets cold. And I was at a bar drinking, and I overheard a group of ladies

that works at the 911 service. Oh, yeah. And it made me laugh because I am, like I said, working on my apartment right now, painting and whatnot. But a guy called in and he was distraught. And he kept on yelling, stop hitting me with the fire poker. He was yelling, stop hitting me with the fire poker, you crazy bitch and stuff like that.

And he said, you just wait your turn. You're going to get a chance to tell the cops. Just stop hitting me with the fucking fire poker. And the 911 girl said, you know, sir, what's going on? What's going on? And he said, renovations. Never do renovations with your wife. Stop. You'll get your shot.

You'll get your shot. Have you heard that on YouTube there's a 911 call you can listen to of a woman who is threatening to beat her son's ass with a hammer.

No. It's great. Have you heard the one where the... I think it's my favorite 911 call, the one where the cop accidentally ate a pot brownie? Yeah. And he's like, I think we're dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think I'm dead. What's the score in the hockey game? Because I'm watching it and I don't believe it. Why? What does the score say? 3-3. What does that one point? I think I'm dead. And I think we're dying.

And I think we're dead. I think we're dead. Have you ever heard that one? No. So good. So good. All right. We encourage our listeners to write in and call in with your overheards.

You can write us at stoppodcastingyourself at gmail.com. You can call in at 206-339-8328. 206-339-TEET. We've got a pant load of them today. A teet load. Let's have a listen load of them today. A teat load. Let's have a listen. Hey, guys. This is Jim from Cleveland, Ohio, down in the States.

It's a lot like Vancouver, only way more shitty here. But I haven't overheard for you. It's Monday morning, about 7.45 a.m., and I'm walking into my job at a government office, which is a terrible place filled with terrible people. I'm crabby. I haven't had any coffee yet or anything. And I'm walking in, and there's these two guys. One of them

is a security guard who's sitting at the desk. And the other one, he kind of works for the cleaning staff. And they're talking, and the security guy's sitting down. The other guy's talking, and I overhear him saying, see, my problem with playing golf is that I really don't like to wear a shirt when I participate in sports. Which I thought was a little bit weird.

And then the security guard looks up at him and was just stone-faced and was just like, I know exactly what you mean. So, yeah, stuff I overheard. Love the show. See you guys. Well, those two guys are from the team The Skins. That's why they don't understand. There is very little shirts and skins in golf Yeah, it's a

Or polo, sport of kings Well, I think some of the horses Don't wear shirts That's true That's right, humans wear the shirts Horses are the skins, makes sense It's humans against horses, here's another one Graham and Dave, this is Jim

From Lincoln, Nebraska I haven't overheard. I was walking around through the Walmart tonight, and I overheard this little Jim. Do you mean 6.30 or real 6.30? All right. Keep up the good work, guys. Love the show.

Bye. Yeah, military time is real 6.30. They don't use the 24-hour clock anymore. They use the regular clock and the real clock. But the real 630 is 630 at night, though. Will the real 630 please stand up? Here's another. Hey, SPY.

This is Jimmy in Kansas City, and I've got an awesome overseen for you. I was just driving by our local university, UMKC, the University of Missouri at Kansas City, and there's a young man walking down the street with an umbrella because it was storming earlier. It's not totally dry now, totally dry, and yet he still has the umbrella up over his shoulder in a festive manner. He spots what looks to be his colleague, one of his friends, probably about 30 yards away, 30 meters away for you in the north. Thank you. And as soon as they lock eyes, you can tell it's on.

And their tone changes, the posture changes, and the guy with the umbrella whips it back like a sword and begins to charge towards the other gentleman. The other gentleman, in response, of course, in classic awesome nerd fashion, puts his forearms together and sands his hands out, a la the Hadouken move from Street Fighter and cast a faux energy ball at the gentleman with the umbrella who, in perfect choreographed timing, like, wipes out, takes a complete fall

as if he believes that this is an actual real occurrence. And so, like, slides into a puddle, and then gay laughter ensues. And so, like, slides into a puddle, and then gay laughter ensues. And then I drove past, and it was fucking awesome. And I yelled out my window, NERDS! And, um, I don't think they heard me.

But it was pretty great, and so I called you guys. Thanks for the show, keep up the great work, and I'll keep on doing it. That was colossal. I object to the term gay laughter, because I believe gays laugh the same as straights. Unless they're laughing at something gay.

And then it's a circle. Yeah. Jerk? Jerk. Wow. That was colossal. Thank you so much for calling that. But I also like that he referred to both the people as gentlemen. Here's the thing. That was a spontaneous thing. you so much for calling that. But I also like that he referred to both the people as gentlemen. Here's the thing. That was a spontaneous thing.

It was two nerds that recognized each other from... From nerdery? From nerd circles, and they decided to do that. God damn it, I wish there was more of that going on. I really like how he did the conversion and then didn't change the number either. So 30 yards, and then he was like, or 30 meters. Yeah. So that we would understand it was

a unit of measurement. I think a yard is about 90 centimeters. So it's just under a meter. So this guy was spot on. I understand the story now. You're all confused. Well, how far away were they?

Alright, here's one. Hey guys, it's Baxter from Indiana. You guys know where that is, so I'm not going to bother going through it. Anyway, I haven't overheard for you. I just remembered it from a couple months ago. So, Brent Michaels from, like, Rock 11 stuff came through, like, my town and did a concert. And the next day at school, all my overhears come from school. The next day at school, I heard this girl talking about how she got to go backstage afterwards.

And she made out with him, which is gross because he's, like, 50. And she made out with him, which is gross, because he's like 50. And the one thing I remember hearing was her friend going, oh, my God, I'm so jealous. Did you get to touch his headband thing? I don't remember what she said, but she talked about that headband thing that he always wears. And it was ridiculous and stupid, because he's gross and old, and they're like 16.

I'm pretty sure that's illegal. I don't know about in Canada. You guys can probably have sex with like four-year-olds or whatever. It's only legal if it's not Bret Michaels. Yeah, I don't think, for the record, in Canada you can't have sex with four-year-olds. We're not living in Deadwood. No, unless you're Bret Michaels or wrestler Shawn Michaels. Those are the two exceptions.

What was his nickname? The sex machine, sexy thing? Wasn't he the rocker? Shawn Michaels was the heartbreak kid. He was the heartbreak kid. Yeah, correct. For sure. In that one, why would the girl question, did you get to touch your sweat?

If they made out, surely your head would brush the sweatband at some point. Why is she jealous about the headband? Why is she jealous about anything? Well, where was he? He's in Nebraska, he was calling from? Indiana. Oh, Indiana. America's crossroads.

I don't know what kind of concerts come through there. Maybe there's no handsome concerts. Maybe he's as handsome as it gets, concert-wise, in Indiana. Does he travel on the Rock of Love bus, do you think? Yeah, probably. Here's the thing. When you go to a show, is it just him playing solo?

Because he used to be part of Poison. Does he have a house band? Is it Cleto and the Cletones? It's Brett Michael and the Poisonettes. They just do a lot of kicking. I'm doing a great

kicking act, though. Yeah, it is a pretty great kicking act, though. We got a bunch more. Let's hear one or two more. All right. How about three? Well, we'll see. All right. These are a little...

These are a little scatological. All right. Hi, Graham and Dave. This is Julian calling from Winnipeg with an overheard from a pub I was at last night. The guy sitting in the booth next to us told his friends, I had these stomach pangs, but I was working with this chick, so I couldn't take a shit. And then a little later, he said, I couldn't loosen my muscles or it would all come out. Thanks guys, love you too.

Okay, alright. Short and sweet. I think we've all been there. Loosen my muscles, I don't think is a phrase that I've... That's my new phrase, however. Oh man, whenever I have to go to the bathroom. I need to loosen my muscles.

I'm going to go loosen the muscles. Yeah. We're going to go loosen the muscles. Here's one similar. Hi, this is Jason from Logan, Utah, and I have an overheard for you. This is an overheard between my mom and my older brother, Ryan. My brother was trapped on the toilet without any toilet paper, and my mom had promised to get him some,

but she was on an important phone call at the time and couldn't get it for him quite yet. So at about ten minutes, and right as soon as my mom hangs up the phone, my brother emerges from the bathroom, and this is what I overhear. Ryan, you need to wipe. Ryan says, I did. What did you use? To which my brother replies, Q-tips. Whoa, whoa. Okay.

Thank you. First of all, gross. Second of all, it's not wiping, it's swabbing. And third of all, you were there. Why didn't you help out? Also, this guy doesn't sound like he was six, so why was your mother grilling you on wiping technique? How old is this brother?

This guy sounded like he's a teenager. This guy, he said older brother, didn't he? Yeah, so that's what I mean. How old are... Crucial detail. Okay, we've got one more from the same realm. Hi, Graham and Dave. It's Lauren from Cincinnati. I've been having some eye troubles this week,

and it reminded me of this crackerjack overheard from my high school days. Let me lay it on you. I was at a high school basketball game, you know, because I love sports, and one of the preppier, ditzier girls from my school was sitting in the row behind me. And this boy was sitting next to her and was shining like this little flashlight into her eye.

She was like, oh, stop it. And then all of a sudden, really loud, she says, stop it. You're burning my rectum. Gold. Easy mistake. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's your biology, Mary. How would you know?

retina and rectum that was immediately my favorite because she said I have a little cracker jack for you how much fun does she sound like? does she not sound like she was the girl a few weeks ago asked us for advice in the Vancouver fashion industry

I don't think we were very helpful at all if I recall correctly what was she expecting? i don't think we were very helpful at all if i recall correctly what was she expecting i don't know but uh yeah she sounds like that like if i was compiling a list for uh for like a party like just a cocktail party yeah top of the list i mean if she didn't live in cincinnati that's a long way to come for a cocktail party. Maybe she's doing the icky shuffle. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. Wow, so fantastic overheards. Again, we do have a phone number

206-339-8328 if you want to call the man. We can't possibly play all the overheards. Otherwise, the show would be two minutes longer. Yeah, exactly. We have things to do. Also, like I said before, May 15th at the Café du Soleil in Vancouver, we're doing a live show. So if you want to come down and in person deliver an overheard and the best overheard, we're going to give away a prize.

Won't say what it is, but it's amazing. So do mark that on the calendar and tell your friends. but it's amazing. So do mark that on the calendar and tell your friends. And, you know, for our friends in America, we don't have a show planned for America yet, but good Lord, we'd love to.

You get started on the paperwork. Yeah, and we will follow. No problem. You want to play at your high school, your community center? Worst prom ever. That would be a strange prom. All proms are strange.

Name one that wasn't. The one where Carrie got the blood dumped on her head? That was strange. That's strange. That's a strange prom. How were your proms? Did you go to yours? Mine was terrible.

Mine was a bad prom because I'm a young man and I was not 18 years old. So all my friends got to go into the alcohol portion of the dance. In Alberta, you can drink at 18? At 18 years old. Yeah, that's the drinking age. And me and like six other losers had to drink orange juice. Just because of where your birthday fell in the calendar? Yeah, yeah.

Oh, boy. Or you skipped a head of grade. Are you a smart guy is that what happened i am definitely not smart but i just yeah my my birthday just that's where it landed so what i did is uh i left the dance and i went into uh a bar in town and i went underage into a bar and i got to drink with the older guys there's nothing more fun I will go on record as saying as sneaking into a bar when you're underage good times you know like getting drunk is not the fun part it's literally pulling off an operative mission right right right when you're underage it's great you outsmarting the elders so paul's prom was terrible your prom uh i was also under age

uh i was 17 and the drinking age in bc is 19 but everyone everyone was under age yeah except for that one dumb guy he was pissed hammered but he had a he had filled out um menstruating yeah he uh but i had a migraine so i showed up and i started getting this migraine and i hadn't had a migraine you grain we all great for migraine that's right yeah uh but i like i spent the night there was a couch uh outside main ballroom. I basically spent the night lying on the couch and everyone was like, oh man, he's so drunk. And I was like, no, I had never had a sip of alcohol in my life. It was just a migraine. Poor guy.

I'm trying to defend myself against these accusations while suffering a migraine. This little light of mine, I'm going to let it shine. You still get like Sharpie on your face. Yeah. Everyone drew a dick on me. You could yell one from the other by the time it was done. We were overlapping.

It was like you two when you slapped dicks because you're from Alberta. That's how we did it. How was your prom, promsies? It was similarly bad. I think we're going to go three for three on the stories. I had intended not to go. promsies uh it was similarly bad i think we're gonna go three for three on the stories i uh had intended not to go it wasn't the type of thing that interests me whatsoever and uh a couple days before i came up a friend of mine's date bailed on her and that that's really for for uh for a young lady graduating from high school that's a huge

thing that second that second why did he wait a day did he find someone better he he uh no i think they had arranged to go as friends then he got a girlfriend yes yeah he became romantically engaged but that was literally days before the thing. And so she was crestfallen. She was falling apart. And so I didn't want to, but somebody really prodded me into it and said, well, you're not going. And I was like, yes, correct. Let's not change that fact.

And so I offered up and I went with this gal, which was fine. But then at the end of the night, I ended up – there was a guy at the after-grad party who drank too much and was decided he was going to drive home because he was a real mean drunk. He was a real asshole. I hope that he has some sort of disease in his colon now. But he – Sure. Least muscles. He's got a case

of the release muscles. I can't tighten my muscles anymore. But anyways, his girlfriend was hysterical that he was going to drive drunk.

He was very, very drunk. And she said, you've got to do something. So I ended up punching him out and taking his keys.

Wow. Punching him out like super punch out? Yeah. No, I mean, I didn't. It was no knocking him out. But I punched him enough that he gave up his keys. Was he a big guy? He was bigger than me.

But he was also way more. I didn't bring any booze to the after grad. I didn't realize it was a BYOB affair. I thought that there would be booze there. There wasn't. So I was stone cold sober and he was drunk. So it was very easy to punch. Did you have a prom and a grad?

Mm-mm. Okay. No, I didn't go to Bayside High School. Yeah, yeah. We had a prom and a grad. But I'd have to say your prom was the coolest out of the three. It was the coolest, but it also wasn't fun. It wasn't a good time.

Neither of ours were fun either. That's what I'm saying. We're three for three. How about that as a topic of if anybody has a really fantastically bad prom story, or grad, 206-339-8328, call in,

leave a message about that. Or you can send in to StopPodcastingYourself at gmail.com. I would like to hear some terrible prom stories. It's seemingly three for three. Everybody's got one. Oh, everyone builds it up so much. Especially women. But I remember my sister's...

Aren't you supposed to lose your virginity on grad? Is that how it goes? Or prom. You're supposed to, yeah. What's prom? What's grad? What's the difference? Prom's a US thing I think. No, we had a separate dance just for... Losing your virginity? Yeah.

It was a pagan ritual. It was around a bonfire. The virgin Connie Swill was there. I think in the States, they have grad, they have prom, and they also have homecoming. Well, homecoming is earlier in the year. And then they also have debutante balls. Yeah, and then they have Sadie Hawkins Day.

Yes, and sock hops, lots of sock hops. Wow, what a culture. day yes and sock hops lots of socks wow what a culture um uh i remember when my sister uh had she was older she was four years older and uh all of her friends were over and they were so excited about prom and one of the things that one of the guys said was if you arrange rearrange the letters you have romp oh yeah or more well done all of us yeah best wishes god blesses everyone um where do you want to move on to from there well if you haven't done if you haven't done the crush hat in a while let's let's yeah we haven't done let's play the a while, let's crush that. Yeah, we haven't done... Let's play the theme song. Celebrity crush hat. Crushin' the hats.

Celebrity crush hat. Go fuck yourself. Celebrity crush hat. Chapeau chinois. Celebrity crush hat. Crush hat. Yeah, so celebrity crush hat. Haven't done it in ages.

Hey, we have the same hat. Shimka. You have a Detroit Tigers hat? Yes, yes. Did you pick it because your first name starts with a D? Uh, no. Oh, this is great. Crush hat.

I love it. Crush hat. Okay, so we're going to get Paul to pull a number out of the hat. Decide what. Here we go. Ooh, 17. Ooh, that's a prime celebrity crush age. All right, the year is? The year for you is?

Is, let's see, 1999. Or actually, you know what? 2000. 2000, I was 17 years old. You were born in 1983? I was born in 82. 82, okay. So, 99 or 2000.

I always assumed you were older. Everybody does. I got that last night too It's the beard People peg me at like 36, about 10 years older 36? 36? No, you're not 36 I peg you at about 30

But I've been being In fairness, I've been being pegged At post 30 since I was 23 So It's gotta be beards, eh? Well, no, I didn been pegged at post-30 since I was 23. It's got to be beards, eh? Yeah, well, no, I didn't always have the beard, unfortunately. I can't lean on that crutch as much as you.

All right, so that would have been right in the prom days, eh? Right around prom, so who was I digging then? Celebrity-wise, not your stupid prom day. Yeah, but I'm trying to picture on prom night when I was... You're not still with your prom date, are you? No. Oh, definitely not. That would have been awkward for me. That ended poorly.

I would like to hear that story if we can get that as an aside. How did that end? Oh, that was my... Actually, that's the girl I lost my virginity to. And that's actually who I'm trying to picture my celebrity crush because I would close my eyes sleeping with her and picture the celebrity. Yeah. So that's how I would know.

I found at 17 I needed some extra... Stimulate? Yeah. Yeah, because a stiff breeze wouldn't set me off at 17. Yeah, I already needed help. Anyway, that ended when I was a man about comedy. I wanted to start comedy. Oh, let me guess.

Rita Ruttner. Right away. Rita Ruttner. Yes. Very, very delightful. Paula Poundstone. But it ended because I slept with her. I slept with my prom.

And probably a week after school was done, to get into her pants, I was really lying to her, right? Like, we'll spend the summer together. We'll move to Edmonton together and go to university. And then about a week after school, I packed my truck and left town and didn't tell her until i was already like in my apartment wow so somewhere there's a lady who hates you she hates me absolutely hates me yeah

she's not a fan uh but if you want to uh call in shauna to overheard uh 206-339-239-8328 Okay, so you know what? I'm going to have to say Yasmine Bleeth. Oh, the Baywatch. At 17 years old, would have been Yasmine Bleeth was my favorite

and was the poster on my wall and the closed eyes jerking off to Yasmine Bleeth. My mom listens to this. Yasmine Bleeth was, oddly enough, I always thought, and I may be the only one who thought this, but she always had very defined... Bleeth bones?

No, she had these lines under her eyes. I remember thinking that was the first person on television that I could recall having kind of like somebody who didn't sleep like that was her and now you watch oprah on fridays and alexandra went went worth is on and she's got these bags like who is andrew who's she's uh she used to be on in living color and now she's married to george stefanopoulos she was really pretty yeah ste she looks like she's been hit by a truck But yeah She has bags on her eyes

Who was on Who were the big babes on Baywatch Because I don't think we've ever had a Baywatch babe As a crush There was Pamela Anderson There was Yasmin Bleeth There was Erika Oleniak Was that ever a thing

Who was she She was the blonde lady Emma Anderson. There was Yasmin Bleeth. There was Erica Eleniak. Was that ever a thing? Who was she? Which one was she? She was the blonde lady. Yeah? Who was the one that had the short hair? Alexandra Paul. Nobody had a crush on her. Yeah, well, that show was all about boobs, and she was...

I never understood her inclusion in the show. Because it wasn't like the show got funding because of equal opportunity. Yeah, and it wasn't because of her acting ability. No. It was an odd pick to have her in there. No less odd than having David Chokichi as part of the cast.

Although, earlier, who did they have? They had the girl from Charles in Charge. What was her name? Blue-Eyed Girl, huh? Yeah. I don't remember that. But she, like, halfway through the run got implants.

The question about this show... Nicole Eggert. Oh, Nicole Eggert. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Eggs, I called her. Then she wrote that heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius. Right. Nicole Eggert. I... Then she wrote that heartbreaking work of Staggering Genius with her, right?

We'll call it Eggert. The thing about Baywatch, and it's followed on by another show. Pacific Blue? No, with Baywatch, when you hear this statistic, Pacific Blue was the thing about bicycle cops that patrol the beach. But Baywatch, when you hear the statistic that it is, and not in an exaggeration or anything, when people are like, it is the most popular show in the world. That's mind-blowing. When you see that they can actually quantify it. This is the most popular show in the world. That's mind-blowing. When you see that they can actually quantify it.

This is the most popular show in the world. And that's the show. And the current one is CSI Miami. Is the most popular show in the world. Really? Yeah. Simple. Simple.

It's like the Beatles of TV. Beautiful. There's a lot of very beautiful people on it. Definitely. It's shot in a beautiful, warm location. Alex, the doctor. Very hot. Very hot. Is she the blonde one? No, she's the African-American. Okay, the blonde one is

100% unconfirmed. That's right. Candy Alexander. Delightful girl. She talks to the corpses. Yes. Yeah, baby. You didn't see that one coming, did you? You were just done up for the night. Did you ever see the movie about the... You were just out at a movie, weren't you?

Was it an Adam Magoyan movie? No, it was a Canadian movie. Yeah? About the woman who has sex with corpses. Oh, Corpse Fucker. Corpse Fucker 2, Tokyo Drift. Tokyo Drift. He was dead,

but he got better. Yeah, exactly. Corpse Fucker 2, High Voltage. That's what it was. It was a Canadian movie. I forget what it was called. Porky's.

Touched, maybe? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah, there was a movie called Touched. Was that what it was about? I forget what it was called. Porky's. Touched, maybe? Oh, yeah, yeah. That's right. Yeah, there was a movie called Touched. Was that what it was about? I forget. It's not important. Yeah.

If Adam McGuigan is listening, 206- 839-8228. 839-8228. Do you ever have a second place on Celebrity Crush? Yeah, feel free. Oh, do you have a second place? Well, this is good. I don't think it's ever happened.

It's a strange one, but Svetlana Boganskaya. Figure skater? No, gymnastics from... Tennis player? No, gymnastics. Gymnastics from what? What Olympics? Probably the 2000.

Yeah, right around there. And she was from Bulgaria or the Ukraine, maybe? I don't know. But she was very tall, and I really like sitting on her. A gymnast who is tall? Yeah, she was one of the rare ones. And she was a little bit older, too, because usually they're like 12 or so, which I do have a crush on a lot of 12-year-olds.

But she was... That's a problem. This girl was like... In Canada,olds. Right. That's a problem. This girl was like... In Canada, it's legal. That's right. Four and up is good to go. As long as they have a job. But that's a weird one.

That's a weird one. There's a weird second place. That's not a weird one because I think during the Olympics, it's like when people are... What do you call that syndrome where you're kidnapped and you... Stockholm syndrome? Yeah, Stockholm syndrome. It's like Stockholm syndrome where you're kidnapped? Stockholm syndrome? Yeah, Stockholm syndrome. It's like Stockholm syndrome because you're basically, your life is dominated by the Olympics.

And you do end up forming some sort of... You watch it for two weeks straight. Yeah, you do end up... No matter what they put on. So, oh, the beach volleyball girls are hot. Well, yeah, from the waist down. Did you develop any crushes during the last Olympics? Michael Phelps.

Yeah, well, he's a butterface. You said that earlier. He's a total butterface. The last Olympics, I don't really remember anyone. I guess there was the volleyball girl who had the big thing about her was all the tape on her shoulder. But I didn't really get into that. Oh, you know who I do like is logan tom who's the indoor volleyball you know i i uh developed a uh a fairly substantial crush on it was a swimmer and i think i want to say she was from australia but she might have actually

been from she was somewhere in europe actually now that i think of it and uh there was something about her her smile when she won. It was very fetching. Australian swimmer smile. Fetching smile. European. It was in Australia.

Oh great, that narrows it down. There's only one country in Europe, right? Yeah. Togo. Trinidad, Tobago. But anyways, this has been a thrill. Oh, yeah. You were such a fun guest.

I can't believe how long it's been that we've been trying to get you on the show. It's been worth it. It's been worth the wait. Hey, I appreciate it and sorry it took me so long to get down here. No, you're a busy man. I'm sorry for Shauna. Oh, yes, Shauna.

Poor Shauna. Do you want to apologize? Do you want to write her a card? Do you want to put this in the ground? I sure didn't come off too well in that story, though, did I? No, no. That's just the truth. I was a real prick.

Well, I think your honesty, you wear it well. Yeah. Yeah. I think people are going to appreciate that. But do you want to put this one away for everyone? Do you want to? Well, you know what? I have apologized to her,

but maybe I should apologize to her on Stop Podcasting Yourself. Yeah, why not? This is as good a forum as any. I would agree with that. I'm certain she listens. And all I did was pick a career. That happens every day.

You picked a career that was incompatible with the relationship you had. I just needed to do stand-up comedy in Edmonton. Yeah. And then look at me. Now I'm on this show. So go fuck yourself, Sean.

No, see, now that's not an apology. What you did there, you just derailed the whole thing. Son of a bitch. I got problems. I have problems. Sean, if you're out there,

all we hope is that you found a little corner of happiness. Gas? Yeah, little gas muscles. What are we called? Loose muscles. We hope you tightened your muscles, Shona.

Oh, come on. Do you have any shows coming up in the next couple of weeks that you might like to promote? You know what I do? If you're in Kelowna and you're in Kelowna And you're listening We have A theater show

We're putting on a production A theater production Me and Toby Hargraves Former guest Toby Hargraves And Rob Balzden The DJ for K-Rock 96.3 FM Kelowna Any comedian who goes to Kelowna will meet him.

That's right. And he is hosting, and it's at the Mary Irwin Theater, Saturday, May 9th. And you can pick up tickets at Ticketmaster.ca, live in K-Town. Nice. And remember, when in Kelowna, don't bother wearing sleeves, because you'll stick out like a sore thumb.

But yeah, do check that out. Ticketmaster.com. And don't bother not doing cocaine. Yeah, no. Cocaine and sleeves. No, cocaine, yes. Sleeves, no. Yes. And as we promoted during the show, May 15th, Café du Soleil.

We're doing a new thing in conjunction with New World Theater. Yeah, it's a fundraiser for them. But we'd like... Does it cost anything? It's $10. Yeah. But I am willing to offer for bumpers of the show.

This is what we've been told by the promoter. That we will have an entire row or two strictly put aside at the front of the venue just for bumpers of the show. No offense to the other acts on the show, but we are the draw. Yeah, and we are it. We haven't announced our guest for the show. We'll do that next week. Yeah, absolutely. And we're going to do some great segments.

We're going to doham's dad movie reviews except i will have called graham's dad and gotten his movie reviews so that's gonna be great we're gonna do some live overheards we're gonna give away some prizes uh we're gonna have some great uh a guest maybe two um it's to be a really good show. There's going to be a reserved seating for bumpers of the show who want to come down. So May 15th at the Café du Soleil on Commercial Drive. For more information, newworldtheater.com. It's N-E-W and then world. So there's not two W's. The new and the world share a W on that address.

New world. Yeah, new world dot com. Theater dot com. Yeah. Theater, thank you. New world theater dot com. And thank you so much for downloading this week. And please do tell our friends

if you enjoyed the podcast, that's how we make it grow. And we'll be back here next week with another Topsy Turvy. Check out the blog, stoppodcastingyourself.blogspot.com. It's been a couple weeks. I lost my touch. And like I say, please do tune in next week for another upside down, through the looking glass episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.