Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 610 - Chris Locke

Episode Date: November 25, 2019

Comedian Chris Locke returns to talk sweater shopping, playing hockey, and small airports.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 610 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man, is a man, oh boy, what do I say? I always say it feels so empty without me referring to him. Eminem. Oh, it feels so empty. Yeah, you got to sort of emphasize that's true

uh dave shumka uh thank you um everybody just follow me was that that was like his third like every album he did like a goofy song yeah he did like a silly song yeah and that was maybe the third one because it was the first one was uh the real slim one. Because the first one was The Real Slim Shady. Yeah, or the first one was Hi, My Name Is. Hi, My Name Is. The second one was The Real Slim Shady. Third was Without Me. And the Why Don't More Artists Release One Silly,

One Silly, One Serious, One Silly, One Serious. It was like, I mean, that's sort of what Adam Sandler does. That's true. He's in a serious, that's sort of what Adam Sandler does. That's true. He's in a serious movie that's coming out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I think Robin Williams used to do that. Yeah. Silly one serious.

He's like, one for you guys and then one for me. Yeah. Yeah. Graham is today wearing, Graham finds a lot of nice t-shirts, but this is maybe my favorite I've ever seen. It's got, well, it says sit on. It's got a picture of a futon, kind of a cartoon futon in couch mode. And maybe this is like 90s Reebok style or Nike. And then it's in bed mode and it says sit on sleep on futon and on the sleeve

it says futon association international this is an official futon industry shirt yeah yeah yeah it used to be you would uh you would only get it if you attended the conference but uh i managed to sneak one out um i uh a few weeks ago i or i guess a few months ago now i found a very cool kentucky fried chicken kimono oh yes yes on ebay and uh alerted twitter to it and then didn't somebody yeah somebody bought it yeah the folks from to pataco who make our t-shirts buy the stop podcasting yourself t-shirts at maxfunstore.com. Absolutely. Christmas is coming.

The goose is getting fat. Maybe get an extra large. Our guest today, one of our faves here on the show, a returning guest to the podcast. Very, very funny comedian, actor, writer. Chris Locke is our guest. Hello, you funny boys his signature line

nice to see you you guys are also my friends at this point yeah yeah for sure I love you guys love you too

thanks for having me this is gonna be a lot of fun yeah Dave I know you put that cashmere sweater on just for me

today too Let's talk about it, let's get to know us Get to know us We've formed a habit of You want me to say it? Well So Chris has been in town all week And we're recording this on Thursday

You've been here since Sunday But we've been pushing it back We wanted you to be ripe Yeah, exactly We're recording this on Thursday. You've been here since Sunday. Mm-hmm. But we've been pushing it back. We didn't want to talk. We wanted you to be ripe. Yeah, exactly. Oh, yeah. We wanted you to soak up all the good vibes. Yeah, if we did it on Monday, Tuesday, I would have been depressed.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But now you're like, you're cruising. Yeah. Spending four days in a hotel really makes people feel better. Yeah. By themselves. Free apples at this hotel i'm staying at so that probably helped actually yeah pretty good yeah yeah um so chris and i uh i guess it's

a tradition now although i don't remember the last time we did it whether it was two years ago or three years ago it was last yeah i don't know no i think it was last year i was trying to find it in my uh oh i think i have it let me look no it's okay i think anyways we go sweater shopping yeah last time i love this last time i went on your podcast you took you talking utopia at me utopia to me talking to utopia to me without me yeah and then after that we went for a walk and you needed a sweater and so we went sweater shopping oh yeah so maybe that was two years ago sure uh yeah and then we um so we went to j crew then yeah and it's not even just sweaters it's just crew yeah yeah oh you don't go to multiple

no we don't shop around and also you don't buy anything and I do. Yeah, that's true. I'm a sucker. They see you coming down the street. They're like, this guy's going to buy it. I think you get a commission, actually. You go, like last time you said you needed a sweater. Yeah, I did.

And this time... I didn't. I wanted one. I feel like it was you. You said, oh, dave i'm cold we should go sweater shopping in three days yeah yeah i'm bad with money um but this is a nice sweater yeah i'm wearing the sweater that i got on monday yeah j crew we went to j crew shout out and we, um, we went upstairs where they keep the men's clothes. Yeah. A woman, uh,

we were like. I yelled sweater boys are back. Yeah. From two years ago. Wait, so J crew on the bottom floor is all women? Yeah. Okay. Oh yeah. You gotta walk up them stairs boys. Yeah.

It's the only one in town, I think. I've never been. They used to have one that was just women's. There's no one that has kids clothes. But we complained. We complained? Yeah. To whom?

We were like, we need men's stuff. Yeah, we need men's stuff. I called up Mr. Crew. Jay. Jay. John Crew. They were like, you don't even need to come into this store. You can go on our internet. I go into a lot of women's store and demand men's stuff.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So why? Yeah, what about Victor? Victor's secret. Victor have a secret? Yeah. Victor's secret. Yeah, he can.

Great minds. And then, so we went in there and we uh you were like looking at stuff and i'm not good to shop with because i've no i like between going sweater shopping with him two years ago and now yeah uh i have not gone i've not gone shopping with another person okay yeah it's nice you gotta admit you love it i do love it and also you mentioned to me that you're the thing you're wearing was cool and it was from ll bean and i was like they have an l bean here i just saw it and you said oh well i got this on you ordered it internet we don't have ll bean in vancouver i swear i there's that you do now we have jj bean what jj bean yeah um no i

swear there's i saw one okay downtown it's and i and i just saw it and this is getting crazy how much i know about uh pretty much like boring white dad sweater industry yeah that's what it is yeah we're cool we're not boring yeah well we went up there and i'm bad to shop with and chris is crazy yeah because he doesn't know what he wants and he will and i buy it anyway and then he says uh uh what is this is this too much and it's the most plain sweater what would you think would be too much in a sweater like a cable knit would be no i have those yeah i have those i do have a quite a good collection because you you picked you first tried the on that sweater in gray just just plain gray, and you said, is

this too plain? And then you picked up the blue and said, is this too crazy? Well, the thing is, yeah, I don't know, maybe if listeners, you know, when you put on a light colored, it almost feels like you're glowing sometimes. Yeah. I felt like the gray one was doing that to me. Okay. It was pushing my aura out yeah side too much

chris has navy blue one keeps it in chris has messed up or what chris has synesthesia most people can like see music yeah yeah but uh he can just like see colors see you can see colors i can see sweaters i can talk to sweaters yeah um how many sweaters would you say that you... Closing my eyes and trying to imagine my room, I'm saying eight. Eight sweaters. Well, it's in a cold city. Yeah, that's true. But I'm probably like under...

Yeah. I could actually... You're really trying hard to picture these sweaters. Are we counting cardigans? Yeah, absolutely. Probably like 10. Wow. Okay.

All right. Snug as a bug. Yeah, you're doing all right sweater-wise. And we were talking about the cashmere sweaters. Yeah. And I said that I don't like cashmere because it's so expensive. Yeah. And it's too hot.

But you put a shirt underneath so it doesn't scratch you. Well, of course I put a shirt underneath. Never wear a sweater without a shirt. Yeah, the only time I do that is when I'm running from the cops. Lift up your sweater. You're wearing a shirt underneath? Ah, he is.

Okay. A green one. For a second, I was like, I don't think he is. I think he's just wearing this sweater straight up. And then my aura shoots out and blasts you in the face

and you guys melt. But I've had this sweater for like eight years. Told ya. And it's all, it's filled with holes and stuff. That's cool though. Kurt Cobain.

Yeah. That's true. Oh no. They call me the cashmere Kurt Cobain. We're not talking about 90s or grunge or anything. Yes we are. But he was,

he was the best at wearing a sweater that had holes in it. Yeah. Who is better than Kurt Cobain? Oh, boy. Freddy Krueger? Oh, yeah. Freddy Krueger.

Oh, yeah. Come back, kids. I don't know what. That was Kurt Cobain. Come back, kids. That was his suicide joke. I've actually joked about his suicide on this podcast with you already. Yeah.

That's bad. Well, let's talk more about Freddy Krueger. Yeah. He should kill himself. What what he's too mean to people yeah you're right he is he's got a real mean streak to him you know what and he just stabs his own head with his fingers does that make you feel better kids is he unkillable because he's a supernatural it It seems like it. Ghost fire... From all of the documentaries I've seen, it does seem like it. If he's brought out of the dream world, if you have a hold of him and then wake up,

then he's just a regular guy you can kill. Oh, okay. You bring him back to the regular world? To the regular world. But once you're in dreamland, that's his territory. I've never seen any of those movies. But his deal is he makes a pun pun or is that the cryptkeeper oh yeah he makes he makes

like uh yeah he'll be like uh you know soup's on bitch yeah and then he kills you with if you're having a dream about soup yeah he stirs you in a pot, he would stir you in a giant pot. Oh, okay. He would do that kind of... He's very theatrical. Yeah. And I saw him, the actor who plays him, at a show in New York. Robert Englund. Yeah, it was so Star Trek. Bill Engvall. Yeah, Bill Engvall.

Frank Kruger was one of the blue-collar companies. Just doing puns. Yeah's your sign bitch he says bitch a lot it's not me but he does in the movies it's outdated now yeah 80s but they still they would make another one they they would make another yeah could they make a woke freddy krueger that would be that would be nice it would be too hard because like you got to be asleep yeah I feel like a woke Freddy. Sleep Woken. That's really good. Christopher Woken.

Can we talk about, you mentioned Utopia to me for a sec. Can we just mention that for two seconds? Yes. I don't, okay, one, I don't think I'm going to do that podcast anymore. It's too much work. This was a podcast you did where you talked to people about what their idea of a utopia was. But you also just ended up talking about your favorite Indian food and how much you like Tom Hardy.

Yeah. Are you still on the Tom Hardy track? I don't know. No, I don't know. Did you see him in Dunkirk? He was pretty good in Dunkirk. Yes. He's the hero in Dunkirk.

Or did I ruin it? But also Venom's. Yes, he's the hero in Dunkirk, or did I ruin it? But also, Venom's... I watched it on the... Three flights it took me to finish watching Venom. Three airplane flights. I'm not being, like, exaggerating. Not three flights of alcohol. Please give me one of those paddles with a bunch of mini beers.

Yeah, this one's too grapefruity. But yeah, that movie sucks. Sorry if you like it. So that kind of ruined it. I don't know who's the hot man actor right now. Let me think. Who do you, yeah. Who do we have our man crushes on?

Oh, yeah. I always like, what's his name? Cillian Murphy in Peaky Blinders. blinders oh yeah but he's got the high cheekbones he's got his face looks like a beautiful woman right yeah and then i when i watch peaky blinders i afterwards i go look in the mirror and i go look at you and i think that my face is sallow and like a hound dog yeah i wrote him a letter and i said his face makes my face look like a hound dog is that crazy no but you could uh that that could be like a fun contrast for him to star alongside somebody that looks like a hound dog yeah yeah so you know write that letter yeah yeah young elvis

who played young elvis in that young elvis tv show and sang hound dog i uh i don't know was it was it cillian murphy no it couldn't be you say cillian not killian i don't know i think it's probably hard yeah me too all right but there's got to be a hot actor that everyone's loving right now that's taking the place of tom hardy that i can't think of i feel like it's on the tip of my tongue. What hot movies came out? I don't know. Oh, the original Boys brought it back in Once Upon a Time in Hollywood this summer.

That's true. The original 90s Boys. Yeah. They were awesome. Hunking it up. Yeah. Brad Pitt was hard to, like, after you watched that movie, you were like, how do I become the coolest tough guy?

Yeah. When he takes his shirt off in that movie, there was an audible gasp in the theater. Like the people were like. Can you imagine having that effect? He's 50 years old. Yeah. Yeah. But can you imagine having that effect on people by just taking off your shirt?

Here's a funny joke. In the hotel mirror recently recently I took my shirt off and my pants off and I saw the whole thing and I almost called animal control on myself and I stumbled over the joke and everything I'm so excited

to tell that joke I almost called I cannot find this Elvis show but it was like a Killian Murphy type. I don't even like hearing the word Elvis. I hate that he was

so popular. How come? I think that he's like really really cheesy and the co-opting the the

the black blues and he did do a lot of it. doing that like it's I don't know it bothers me a lot yeah but he bothers me because i try to empathize with everybody that he stole from right you know

but like is isn't everybody in like uh that kind of star position aren't they all they all steal isn't lady gaga didn't she steal from i'm totally just doing richard pryor yeah yeah yeah yeah at this point yeah yeah yeah lady gaga oh boy did she steal from... I'm totally just doing Richard Pryor. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. At this point. Yeah. Yeah, Lady Gaga. Who did she steal from? David Bowie?

No, she stole from all the drag performers that she came in with. It was like she kind of co-opted that culture for her own. That night after your show, I went out for drinks with Casey Novak. Past guest. She went to school with Lady Gaga. Did she tell you that on the show? Did she have the group where, was she in the Facebook group that said, Stephanie Geromano, you'll never be famous?

Maybe. Let's ask her next time we see her. Yeah. Did that really happen? Yeah, there was this thing that came up. I feel like it's, this might be apocryphal like it's it feels so perfect but someone discovered this facebook group from like 2005 oh i probably probably was like uh lady i guess college classmates who are like we hate this girl in our class she's always acting

like she's a star she's so dramatic and performative with everything and she thinks she's gonna leave us all behind and be like the next katie perry oh my god and it was i think it's called stephanie what's jeff jeromato you'll never be famous is that what gaga stands for jeromato no she was like i'm never gonna that was a nod to. That's like Madonna. Madonna. I'm a Gaga. I was going to say that was a nod to Freddie Prinze Jr. No, it's a nod to Freddie Mercury.

What? Radio Gaga. Oh, yeah. It was it? Yeah. Yeah. That's where Gaga came from. Jeez.

Who played young Gaga in the. From everybody. Killian Murphy. Lady Gaga. That's what she a little from everybody. Killian Murphy, yeah. Lady O'Gaga. That's what she should have called herself. Mm-hmm. Lady... Lady O'Gaga?

Ah! I don't want to think about it! No, but someone, when you said that I'm coming to do a show in Vancouver, I hate that I can't remember. I couldn't find the original post, but someone asked, oh, is there going to be a Stop Podcasting Yourself and Utopia to Me mashup? So, no.

It's a short answer, no. All right. No, no, but seriously, just quickly say what your Utopian world would look like. You've already done it, but do it now. Yeah, you did it too, didn't you?

Yeah, you guys both did it. For me, it would be like... But now, we'll do an updated version. Okay, yeah. I guess just imagine there's a world with nothing to kill or die for, no religion to. Oh, yeah, yeah. Imagine all the people... And then you?

And you... and you mine is a world where uh tom hardy is uh but sometimes a man but then sometimes a gooey black monster yeah that's my youtube so you did this podcast like i don't know 100 episodes or something not even okay over four years i did like 80 something maybe that's great what what did you come any closer to your idea of what a utopia would be and you're did you say are you doing any more you don't want to i don't know i never really talked about my utopia so it changes all the time but if i had to close my eyes right now i'd be floating in space and i'd be just like a pool of particles but they'd be sort of in the shape of my body but like a sort of space breeze would be blowing through the particles and it would be very

relaxing okay but it would still kind of look like it is just you my utopia is uh yeah that your family's all dead i'm no they're fine i don't know maybe everybody's like that maybe everybody is like that yeah that's the tricky thing about the show is you you have to pick what's right for everyone yeah yeah that's the thing and everybody comes back and they realize they're being selfish and then they feel awful yeah yeah well it's sometimes like if you could just make one change you know what i mean like my if i could change one thing it would just be like like all you new canadians who come here you gotta wear a pop oh yeah yeah every day uh if i could that guy's nice yeah he's great donald cherison

that's his real name did you ever have don cherry on the podcast yes his utopia was that all pinkos be uh melted down into a i'm not gonna go there into a venom goo yeah yeah so is our what uh i haven't watched the venom movie and i i'm only peripherally uh involved in the venom culture yeah what what is what like he's a goo that that is like a sassy goo like does he sass people once he's in human form it's hard for me to even remember because i was on a plane rolling my eyes all the time and waiting for a ginger ale we'll be right back with your ginger ale sorry we had a bit of a crash but yeah

it's kind of like a guy would grab him and be like I'm gonna threaten you and then Venom would liquefy and act really weird and scare him

and be like threaten did he sound like Bane the whole time kind of yeah no it was more like I didn't like it but i feel bad because actually

there's a comedian in uh toronto that half of their brand is making venom jokes so i don't want to accidentally become the venom comedian the other half of their brand not that whatever they want i guess yeah i love that somebody's brand is that they do venom well it used to be their full brand but a couple years have gone by but yeah so i don't want to accidentally become you know yeah so we uh very we're very bad at releasing our live episodes i'm very bad at it it's all in my court uh and we finally released one from a year ago in saskatoon and we talked a bit about venom and i had two venom songs oh yeah do you remember them no uh one is something like a venom venom oh nice

that's a good closing credit amazing and the other one is phenomenon i am venom venom yeah that's it yeah quebec has that uh black liquid snowman Venom Carnival Venom Carnival Photoshop it listeners Can I just say this? I want to start

a new podcast that is easier to make where I don't have to rope in I was telling you on Sweater Day An easier to make podcast I don't have to rope in I was telling you on sweater day an easier to make podcast that's just in the middle of being on other people's

podcasts yeah so thanks for listening tell your friends subscribe to the Patreon yeah five stars only but if you are listening tweet at me and say what you think

I should do because I want to make it easier I don't want to rope in and guest every time I want it to be like whatever don't and say what you think I should do because I want to make it easier. I don't want to rope in a guest every time. I want it to be like whatever. Don't ask people what they think you should do. It'll be crazy, right? They'll tell you to kill yourself.

Yeah, you're right. But also, my Twitter got destroyed. Oh, yeah. You lost your Twitter. So I have a new one and I'm starting from scratch again. Yeah. So I'm only at about 1,700 followers now. Yeah.

And it was really hard and depressing. So if you're listening and you like me, follow me at ChrisLockWorld and tell everyone because I got screwed, baby. Someone hacked me or something. Yeah, do you know ultimately what happened there? Did you tell Gary Goldman to go? Gary Goldman blocked me and then two weeks later I was no more.

But no, I don't think it's related. But Gary Goldman blocked me for a really pathetic reason. This is a show where we talk about where we've been blocked on the internet. I won't talk about that. No, no. I actually did do Block Party last night and I talked about it, so I won't talk about it.

But no one listens to that. Oh, shit. Briefly, Gary Goldman is a comedian who gives comedy advice yeah but forever forever and ever yeah it was it seemed like he was going to do a very you know like a limited run of comedy advice yeah and everything's still going and what was the tip he gave that you well here's the thing that i made he said and i'm i'm it's definitely my issue I'm knee-jerk reactionary when I think a fame has gone to someone's head and they're trying to be the lord now.

You know what I'm saying? Like Kanye or something. Right. That stuff makes me really uncomfortable. And I feel like it was kind of, he was bordering on that. Or he was that. But like, this one was like, I remember when I was depressed, I got a dog and then that really helped.

And getting a pet really helps for comedy. Get a dog. Or you know what? Also, cats are good. And so I responded, okay, this is getting crazy. And then he blocked me. Oh, really? Like he didn't laugh about it.

So I guess now that I think about it, maybe he was taking it like the time with depression. Not about to stand up? I was belittling that. Right. But I didn't mean it like the time with depression. Not about stand up? I was belittling that. Right. But I didn't mean it like that. I was less like telling people, get a dog. Or you know what? Cats are good too.

It's like, what the fuck are you talking about? We're all six. You know what I mean? What about a fish? You know what I mean? What about a snake? You what I mean what about a snake you should have you should have

replied with that yeah I know blocked funny voice funny voice what about a fish your new account's

not blocked no but I so here we go no but do you follow him with the new account no way

I actually blocked him because I don't think there's a connection to what happened to my account but if way. I actually blocked him because I don't think there's a connection to what happened to my account. But if there is, I'm just blocking people

that seem petty and vindictive. Right. Yeah, because that was like scary. And there's like 10 years of tweeting and all I do

is tweet nonsense and promo shows and other people's shows. So it was like, it was a nice place. You're a good follow. Your new account is at ChrisLockWorld.

And I think like what it was, if it was anything, the algorithm probably sought me out because I was in this stupid contest. No, this great contest. Too late. I'm bitter about it. It's so stupid, but it is great. You got to do it if you're a comedian. You did it, right?

I did it. Yeah. What do you think? I lost. and how do you feel about the contest uh it's great it is great please yeah i think the prize uh for that contest is better than any other prize that's ever been it's amazing we're talking about the serious xm top comic it is obviously an amazing contest i'm just saying stupid because in the context of promoting it, it was just a little thing, and I said,

please vote for me or I'll kill you, and I think that's what it was. Oh, and they were like, this man wants to kill. This man is sent from the future. Yeah. But I feel like every, but then my friend Nathan searched, I'll kill you on Twitter, and everybody's tweeting it in actual negative ways.

Yeah. So I think you still need someone to be vindictive and report you to have that happen oh so you think you got reported and then shut down? is that how it was? I don't know a real good explanation the algorithm wasn't looking for you that's the thing the algorithm should be looking for

white power. Yeah. And it doesn't bother with that. I've never tweeted that. I don't know. I don't believe in that. I don't believe in anyone having power. Venom, maybe.

Yeah. Yeah. Venom power for sure. Yeah. I am not the Venom comedian. No, that's true. Tweet at Chris all of your Venom jokes. Yeah.

He'll pass them along To the Venom comedian I should say too Yeah the SiriusXM Topic is amazing You're totally right What's the prize? I only called it stupid

As in like It was just a stupid Little tweet Right You know what I mean? Yeah The prize is 10 million dollars 10 million dollars

10 million dollars All the guns you could have Yeah All of Desire Yeah Fastest car Fastest car And Celebrity Of their choosing all the guns you could have or heart's desire yeah fastest car fastest car

and celebrity of their choosing will wash your car yeah of Sirius XM who do they choose last year Bob Barker

wow yeah yeah yeah that was also the hottest the hottest man or babe babe like babe

hottest man or lady I'd say hottest person hottest person of your choosing will have your children for the rest of your life a babe, like babe, hottest man or lady, I'd say. Hottest person. Hottest person. Hottest person of your choosing will have your children for the rest of your life. Wow. Oh, boy. That's great.

And that's all they'll do. That's all that the rest of their life will be. Yeah. It's just going to... It's giving you children. Yeah. Wow. And then you can go like this, shut up, when they protest.

When they're like, I have a career as a model. Shut up, Brad Pitt. Do you think you're a model, Brad Pitt? Make my children. Hey, Brad, you think you're a model? You're an actor. Okay? Yeah.

So you're Brad Pitt. That don't impress me much. I would do that every day. That's what drew him and angelina apart oh this is interesting would you guys marry shania twain oh boy yes yeah why not this is interesting yes i would what yeah i guess i would too yeah yeah i mean blue skying if like if abby and i never met each other yeah shania Twain shows up and her bus is broken down on the way to the Jeremy Renner concert. Is she with Jeremy Renner?

No, but... You live in a haunted castle. I live in a haunted castle. And she has to spend one night there to win my love. And she has to sing the song, You Win My Love. You win my love. And I love... Oh, boy. And it's got a country but it's pop it's got it's pop with a country twang twain country twain and she's got that bare midriff yeah yeah i would love

to be carried like a baby by her um like like swaddled yeah yeah she is boy yeah i mean that don't impress me much is probably the video i've seen the most often of hers but there's a few where she's even more beautiful yeah i have the best wife in the world yeah shout out to my amazing wife she's the best smart yeah a lot of people don't know that yeah would you guys marry my wife

I'm already shacked up with Shania Twain so yeah and you know what it do impress me a bunch

yeah and you know whose boots my bed have been under other way around whose bed my bed have been under other way around whose bed my boots have been under yeah my own i'm you know i live in a giant boot so my bed is actually inside the boot oh okay and i have a ton of kids we have a mud room so we don't leave our boots on your bed

whose boots have your mud room been in oh that song's about sleeping with other people. Yeah. It's not just about boots. I mean, on the surface, it's about boots. Yeah. But. Do you mind if I keep my muddy boots under your bed, you naughty girl?

Please put the boots under the bed while we have sex. I want them out of sight. Shall I keep my boots on? Put them under my big bed. Yeah. This is Civil War times? Or what era are people still wearing boots that they just put under a bed? Cowboy times.

Cowboy times. Whose bed have your bedpan been under? boy times. Whose bed have your bedpan been under? A man has a tryst and brings his own bedpan

to Shania Twain's. How about whose bed has your bed been under? A guy just goes around bunking beds.

It's about a mouse with a little bed. It's a song for kids. Yeah. Oh, Spock.

Sometimes they sometimes they must have done a mini pop Shania Twain song oh sure would they have to change any lyrics Shania Twain actually just tweeted

recently that she has fallen in love with a cute little mouse she said that from Timmons she knew it from way back in

Timmons her high school mouse sweetheart I knew you loved me She said that? From Timmins. She knew it from way back in Timmins, Ontario. Her high school mouse sweet heart. I knew you loved me. That's crazy. Now, was she the one? I know. We missed out.

Was she still the one who was married to Mutt Lang? She was definitely that. She was married to a mutt well from mutts to mice the shania twain story um 30 for 30 she married yeah well she made a very famous sports she married her she and her husband like her husband cheated they had with this other

group of friends like this other couple oh my god he cheated with the wife from this couple and Shania Twain married the husband from that couple

oh then it's fine they like did a little switcheroo little key party yeah yeah what was good

for the goose truly was good for the gander that would be great I would love to do that I'd love to marry everybody else's wife you heard it here yeah chris lock is ready to marry your wife coming for your wife are you having sex with brian yes all right i'll have sex with with Sandra then. Brian and Sandra. Yeah. Brian and Sandra.

They brought over a roast. I'll say. When we were walking past when Chris and I were walking past Victoria's Secret, formerly Victor's Secret. Victor's Undies. We were talking about buying lingerie for our mistresses. Oh, yeah.

And how, I don't understand how people have time to have affairs. No. No. Not only. Or money. Yeah. Like a hotel room? Hotel room and also like to like have, you would have to have a job where you could like

legitimately claim like i gotta stay at work all night and so like you would have to first of all have that job which is already stressful yeah are you not always trying to like not get fired when you're at your job yeah yeah because like the time that you say that you're putting in you're late at night you're putting it in like putting it in yeah you're bringing your boots over to somebody's bed um yeah and then you hear the stories about uh guys that have another family somewhere and you're like what the the fuck? Are you a good family man to at least one of the families? But like, oh man, it just sounds so tiring. I guess people had a lot of time before smartphones.

Yeah, that's true. People used to not spend time looking at their phones and updating. The news came out once a day. Yeah, so a guy, his mind could drift. Yeah. I'll start another family somewhere. I just rode the train for a while. Yeah.

Got off at a new town and thought, babe. Yeah. Just started it up. It's the only thing I know how to do. I don't know how to have an affair, but I do know how to build a family.

I won a radio contest and now I get to have an extra family with do know how to build a family i won a radio contest and now i get to have an extra family with scarlett johansson uh uh um it's nice that that man's trying to make so many kids for the world yeah yeah yeah and love he just loves families that's it just can't get enough of family i'm a family man all right wink wink lots of families he really gave it away there in that second sentence there's all these receipts from victoria's secret they uh you uh have a lot of underwear coming honey yeah i bought them in store but they're coming in the mail. Oh, all these other new

receipts? More underwear's coming, honey, I swear. She just, he's trapped. This is a web of receipts from Victoria's Secret. Why? Why does this character have the receipts? And like,

leaves them on the coffee table? Puts it on the fridge. Yeah. Oh. Like magnets them to the coffee table puts it on the fridge yeah oh like magnets them to the fridge yeah yeah yeah like we'll split up

the bills at the end of the month those are for your underwears that are coming honey here are the receipts from the

underwears I actually had to buy you oh this yeah oh I was just you know what are the

first receipts for more underwears coming honey he's trapped well there's a victoria's secret in the basement of my office and i i go down and i sometimes uh on my coffee break i mean to get a coffee and i buy a teddy yeah it's when i need to get away from the office i go work in the victoria's secret i go on my negligee break. I love the beginning of the Flintstones when Fred Flintstone, it goes,

and then he punches out and he slides down the dinosaur's tail and then goes to Victoria's secret and buys underwear for Betty. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's on Pornhub for sure. I, uh,

I watched, uh, an episode of the Flintstones recently. Yeah, I do. Yeah. And I forgot that it was... The Honeymooners? Well, that it has a laugh track. Oh, yeah.

Like, I completely forgot. I was like, oh, yeah, this is so weird. Yeah. Because, like, they got to pick where the jokes are yeah what the jokes which don't they all kind of get through yeah i guess so on live action ones as well on mash yeah that's true mash also had one you know what i love the movie mash and i could never get into the tv show mash i didn't like the maudlin aspects okay boomer the tv show mash i didn't like the maudlin aspects okay boomer oh you just got served but maybe i'm not a boomer and that's why i didn't like the show yeah no i know the boomers

loved it i guess i like hawkeye i love marry me there was yeah hawkeye was there shania twain yeah yeah yeah and they're tom Hardy. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. Which one was Hawkeye? El and Alda? El and Alda. Sorry, what was that? El and Alda. Do, do, do, do, do.

El and Alda. Venom, Venom? Did you ever watch? You didn't watch Mashed. No, it was that. It's like a thing that I feel a lot of people of our generation feel is like it would come on after the shows you like. Yeah. The song was so sad.

It was just like the opening was so bleak. Yeah. And uncolorful. Yeah. There's some trivia about the song. Robert Altman's son wrote the song. Yeah. Because Robert Altman directed the movie. Do you guys already know that?

I didn't. And it has lyrics suicide is painless and so if your son wrote that you'd be like wait a minute you want to have

a sandwich with me yeah yeah you know what I mean like under the moon I don't know I gotta get this straight before my daughters are old enough

to have a real talk yeah exactly where do you hope to have an important talk with your daughter a sandwich under the moon at a subway your daughter? A sandwich under the moon. At a subway.

Daughter, we're talking under the moon tonight. Is that something serious? Yeah, I don't know. At Quiznos. The Quiznos under the moon. It'll probably be while you're trying to install Apple TV or something. And she'll be like, what is this? And then you'll be like, ah, great.

Come with me to the moon. Yeah. Like underneath it. Yeah. Wait for 12 hours until the moon's out. Yeah. That would really leave an impression on a growing child. Yeah.

Yeah. My dad, every time he wants to talk to me about something, we go on a walk under the moon. Yeah. He turns into a werewolf. He puts his arm around me and says really thoughtful things. Daughter, it's that time of the month. Moon time. If you know what I mean.

Where we're going to go talk under the moon. Yeah. Dad, something is happening to me down there. It's a change. It's different. Talk to your mother underneath the moon. Yeah. That time I don't go, she goes with her mother.

Yeah. That's right. You stay at home and just attend to your models. Yeah. Yeah. Of tanks and just attend to your models. Yeah. Yeah. Of tanks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah.

I thought you meant like hot models, like babes? No, no, tanks. No, tanks. Yeah, that's what dads do when moms go talk about periods. Yeah. How funny would it be if there was a father who his hobby was painting miniatures of like model women in bikinis and then just in a basement. Yeah.

My miniature models of, uh, you know, uh, bar Raffaelli, Giselle Bungeon. Now you put some in a bottle and then put some up on the shelf. Aren't they beautiful?

Hey, what are you doing back from underneath the moon? Did the moon go away? Did you, when you were growing up, did you have a friend whose dad was like build models or had a train set or anything like that? No, my close friend, Greg, who's shout out to Greg. Hey, Greg. His dad had all of the old Playboys from like day one. Oh, okay.

Until now, which was the 80s. Yeah. So that was the favorite place to go. Those were the models he cared about. Yeah. Yeah. Honk. Didn't Rod Stewart like yesterday unveil like a crazy train model that he's been building for 33 years?

I believe that. Yeah. That was yesterday? I've been waiting for this day. I was supposed to. I've been following it for 33 years. You missed it. But wait, he's British, right?

Scottish. Yeah. Well, anyways, you know what I'm talking about. He's Rod the Mob. He was close to the. Yeah, they're british those guys are insane about trains that's true and i don't care if that sounds racist y'all over there in the uk are crazy about train i was watching the tank engine yeah i was watching

thomas the tank engine with my three and a half year old daughter and i couldn't contain myself yeah she liked it i'm like no i was reading a book and and and then she also watches the show but this time i was reading a book she's like is this canon and you're like oh yeah i was like amy i hate this it's so dumb it's a the trains go wherever they want but there has to but there's all there's a track that goes everywhere that serves the story they back up they talk

they stop no trains bash into each other there's no schedule it's the dumbest thing yeah that's the main thing about

trains is they are scheduled there's no functionality to the web of tracks in Thomas' world yeah we tried watching it once

and I'm blessed were we that the children did not like it. Yeah. Like, if they were into it, it would have been trouble. But, like, yeah, those tracks. Is Thomas the Tank Engine trying to teach people that your life is predetermined? That no matter what you do, you have to be connected to this track that just...

Yeah, every story starts with thomas going well i guess i have to go there yeah it's like a huge sigh yeah and then other trains but other trains pull up beside him and they have convos so like there's all these tracks that serve for trains to just be able to be beside each other and hang out. Like how you and I would go to a restaurant and have seats together. Yeah. They're like, hey, hey, what's up? Like anywhere they want. But like, what is Thomas? Is he a sad guy?

Is he? In my opinion, he is. Their faces are so troubling to me. Because they don't, I forget, they don't. They like stay in a scowl for a long time. They stay, yeah, they don't talk. Like they'll change their eyebrows or something. Yeah.

The British love trains and scowling. Yeah. It's weird. Yeah. It is weird. They have flesh, like rubbery flesh faces. And then. The British. The British. Yeah. Yeah. It is weird. They have flesh, like rubbery flesh faces. And then... The British.

The British. Yeah. And then intricately designed locomotive bodies. That's true. It's really gross. I really hate it. I read this book and I really fucking hated it. I read it the whole time.

And here's the thing. James, a train named James, saw... You say that like it's ridiculous. In this land of talking trains. Yeah. James the train. A train named James saw... You say that like it's ridiculous. In this land of talking trains. Yeah, James the train sees like a sort of like a mudslide reveals dinosaur fossils. But they don't... I know that right away. It looks like a dinosaur fossil.

Then the whole book goes on for like 40 pages of dense literature. Thomas is never afraid. There's no stakes in Thomas's life. It's all James's story arc about being afraid now. I don't want to go there. I don't want to go there. Is he afraid of the dinosaurs or the mudslide? They think it's a monster.

So he doesn't know it's dinosaur fossils yet. It takes us 40 years to fucking find out. You read a page a year. For like the mayor. There's a monster. So he doesn't know it's dinosaur fossils yet. It takes us 40 years to fucking find out. You read a page a year. For like the mayor, there's a mayor character. I decree that it was dinosaur fossils. Thank you, train engines, for helping us. It's so dumb. And then I read the whole thing,

and the whole thing is James is scared to go this way and that, and all the other trains are like, you're scared. And then anyways at the end of the book you do british accent yeah these are good voices you're like yeah i don't want to go in that direction there's a scary beast and i'm like it's a dinosaur you know and then he's like no i don't know what it is but uh anyways when i finish reading it i go to amy who's really sharp, but she's three and a half, but she's sharp.

She loves reading stories, remembers everything. I go, did you like that book? And she's like, yeah. And I'm like, did you like James? And she goes, who's James? I was like, well, hell. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah.

That was like the, anyways. You're still like, she didn't remember his name one second later. You're remembering it a year later. Yeah. Yeah, it burned into my mind of anger. Stupid James. You have to read it. Yeah, bring it along next time.

If you read it, if you're listening, it's called Thomas the Tank Engine Meets James is Scared of Dinosaurs. It's a long title. It's a long long title dave what's going on with you guys what yeah everyone gets a turn here chris you told me you've been talking for an hour well well one of us has yeah but you can relate to that right yeah you've read do you read thomas the t no there are some yeah there's definitely bad stuff that like what's the worst one that you've had to read you know there's this collection of like the little miss books i don't know if they're even books they're just like the little miss character like little miss splendid little mr grumpy or whatever and i'm mr grumpy but there this collection of them seems like it was all written in a day and just like the pictures are half-assed right margo loves them

and there's like 10 of them in this and when we do bedtime like i read three books and that's always one of them yeah and she always picks a different story. And I'm like, it's. And they're just, they're all exactly 18 pages long. Yeah. So. All books should be. They're just, it's like Thomas. They're all on a track. Yeah.

Anyway, what's going on with me is. So, you know, I like hockey. Yeah. I like to go see the hockey men. Root, root, root for the home team. When I was a little kid, I, I like hockey. Yeah. I like to go see the hockey men. Root, root, root for the home team. When I was a little kid, I used to play hockey. Yeah. And, uh, for the last couple of years, I've been thinking I should get back into playing hockey.

Yeah. And so this summer I decided I was going to take the plunge. And the reason I haven't talked about this yet, because I've been playing now for two months. And I was like, this is, I'm so bad at bad at this i might quit and i don't want to talk about it i don't want anyone to find out but then this summer i i uh went i already had like skates and helmet and stuff and when i got uh equipment hockey equipment at like secondhand stores yeah uh it's pretty cheap if you get if you buy a dead man's shoulder bag. Yeah,

yeah, yeah. And, uh, and good luck. Yeah. Yeah. Well,

I mean, yeah, I hope they treat me better than they treated him. So yeah, this summer I bought like a full assortment of equipment and I, there's like a few, a hockey costume, a hockey costume.

Yeah. And, uh, there's like a few leagues for adults around town right and a lot of porno magazines on the bench yep it's adults only yeah yeah yeah so i uh uh yeah so this summer i went searching for a league a hockey league to play in yeah and the one i chose maybe was not the best fit for me okay because i was assuming that i was going to be playing with like other 40 year old guys yeah yeah yeah and then i wound up on this team and i am the oldest

guy oh the oldest guy on the team and everyone on the team has been the description of the league was it's like intermediate to uh competitive okay. And so I was like, oh, I'm sure I'll be intermediate by the end of the year. Sure. I strive for intermediate. When I played when I was, like I stopped playing when I was 13

and I was good. Yeah. So I started playing in this hockey league. The first day I showed up, it was like, everyone is like 10 years younger than me and more and they all they like no one has ever stopped playing hockey oh i'm the only one who took 25 years off

oh yeah no like usually tie your skates tight enough i can still tie my skates okay i'm better that's the one thing i've gotten better at okay yeah because that is that's the first gotten better at okay yeah because that is that's the first that's the first barrier you're not an ankle biter no i i'm not that i might be did you play hockey as a kid yeah yeah i would like to play it again uh my friends uh had a birthday party in la and they rented a rink in van nuys uh a beer last year or something. And I was in town and we had hockey sticks and pucks and I was zipping around. Yeah, yeah.

It was really fun. Yeah. Like riding a bike, didn't forget. Yeah. Yeah, it's like I don't forget how to play. It's just that it's so, everyone's in such good shape.

Yeah. The game is so fast. I would die. Like, I literally, like the first game, I, every time I went back to the bench,

I was like, where can I throw up? Yeah. Am I going to throw up in front of these new people? Yeah. Cause you don't stop chasing the damn puck. No. Yeah.

I certainly don't because everyone's faster than me. Yeah. The, so, and is this a full contact no no okay this is just that like that's sort of i think because if you were you know in your late 30s and you wanted to you know play softball yeah there there's plenty of opportunities or basketball or soccer right but like with hockey it's like there's only so many ice times right and you you the barrier to entry is you need all this equipment yeah and so it's like and the will and the will you need

the will hey congratulations to you just for actually going for it yeah a lot of people would not do that they would chicken out i i which is what you're probably going to do soon i will probably do soon yeah no no well now i feel like it's picked up probably going to do soon i will probably do soon yeah no no well now i feel like it's picked up a bit and i'm yeah you can do it i'm like i will be the worst player on my team all year join a new a different season next year i'm not sure this one is like the guys are very nice about how bad i am give. You become like the team mascot. Yeah, no one uses the term like, this guy's totally trash, this guy's,

and then you have to What do they say? They say, good job Dave, good hustle out there. Yeah, good hustle. That's what you say.

That's what you say to a kid that's bad. I know. Yeah, good hustle, good effort. I played all the sports, but I was a,

clearly a daydreamer, artsy kid. Right. I've heard those words before, but I wasn't that bad bad i wasn't as bad as dave i could get in there and dig the puck out of the corner you know yeah yeah yeah you got those sharp elbows yeah no i'm uh yeah no it's like the other thing is um like some some days uh 12 people show up some days 7 people show up

Oh that's a lot of skating And that's a lot of skating And so like a few weeks ago I was talking about how I started doing yoga That is 100% Because you know If we play a hockey game once a week The 6 days between the games

I would feel like total garbage Because I haven't used any of these muscles in so long so you're keeping your muscles supple i guess i'm just trying not to hurt all the time yeah yeah i don't want to uh i didn't i don't feel old yeah but uh until you hit that ring survey says and i'm like the other teams have older players yeah not us no like you need to you need to go in the the what what would be the next league down would be beginner to intermediate no i guess or just like a t like a uh 40 or i guess i'm 38 now but uh you know 38 and up i'm the younger yeah you want to be the young pup where they're like, wow, he's really hustling.

Yeah. Yeah, that could work. Yeah, no, this league is fine. This is working? This is working fine. I'm not bailing on this at all. I'm just, like, I'm satisfied with playing the role of a guy who the fact that I didn't

the fact that I showed up means we don't have to forfeit ah nice also bravo to you for like just taking that you know what I mean like a lot of people and being humbled in that respect yeah it hurts me listening to it

yeah like just hearing about it hurts me listening to it yeah yeah yeah like like just hearing about it makes me very uncomfortable yeah no it's uh because i'm i would be upset that i'm not like yeah people don't think i'm really good no but that's my own issue that's clearly my own issue also just the idea of having to be like some somewhere in a nice rink at a certain time freaks me out. Right. Times. Yeah. Like, 7 p.m. on Wednesday.

Yeah. To be at a rink. Yeah. Can't do it. You having a schedule set out for you? Yeah, just being at a rink at a certain time. Just rink? Yeah.

Just rink-wise? Yeah. I feel like that just rockets me back to a place where I'm like, nah, I joined a gym at home a block away from me that has a pool and a Victoria's secret and a Victoria's secret. That's why. Uh, but like, it's a block away from me and it has a pool. That's usually if I want, if I go at a certain time, it's my pool. Yeah. And it's still so hard for me to go.

Yeah. Because I have to put clothes on, get a bag with my stuff in it, go, change, go in the pool, change, come back. Yeah. And that process in my mind goes, oh, no. You know what I mean? It's like really lazy. Well, I was that way too. I used to be like you,

Chris. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to play hockey in my bathing suit. But like the, uh, and like the fact that I used to be that way before I had kids, like when I had so much time to do anything,

the fact that now I have to like my, all of my hours are like accounted for yeah you know what I think I've been thinking about this a lot because

over the last three and a half years having kids actually makes you inspired to take advantage of your time more I was so like

floating through the ether in like which is your idea of utopia yeah which is your utopia yeah

don't tell nobody I want to go back just eating chips on a bed watching any movie I desire yeah any time of the day

but no yeah but now I'm like I need to go on adventures yeah I need to better myself I need to go on adventures yeah i need to better myself i need to learn all this stuff i need to and i signed up for sailing classes this summer what and i didn't get to go i wasted the 500 bucks because whoa i kept having to do like comedy stuff

give us 500 bucks yeah i actually like we'll teach you how to sail yeah that'd be a waste yeah but you're wasting it on us yeah it would be more fun we'd laugh and drown but what what uh do you have a boat no no there's like a boating like a sailing club even close to me where i live in toronto you turn down one side it's a pool the other street is a sailing club. Yeah. You can really pinpoint where Chris lives. People in the West Coast hate Toronto, I think, or Ontario or whatever. But Toronto, you can still do a lot of stuff, guys. I just don't do it.

I don't know that we hate. Or you guys don't. You're like. We're cool. You're smart, fun, nice, effort people. Sailing. Actually. don't you're like we're cool you're smart fun nice people but uh actually people the one the fact that the like all the hockey all the games i play are like at 10 o'clock at night actually

works great because i don't have to miss any like the kids are in bed and i can just go out the problem is then that you finish a game at 11 o'clock and you're not tired like you you i mean you're tired from right but you're jazzed but you're jazzed up and then you gotta stay awake until two in the morning and binge

the Mandalorian yeah you've been drinking champagne out of a cup sorry anyways they won't let you binge it

they won't let us binge it yet only one episode so far yeah I don't want like Kathleen to be like feeding both kids

and getting ready for the bath and i'm like i'm going swimming bye yeah squish squish my slippers squish out the door yeah the towel over my shoulder i'm too afraid to change at the club i freeze to death on the way we're on the way back for sure oh yeah you know wet mustache uh what's his name who's the real uh muscly actor on brooklyn hardy no brooklyn 99 oh terry cruise terry cruise he said that his advice about going to the gym and it's uh it sounds smart i've never tried it but he said like just just go there like don't work out just like make a habit of just going leaving the house and going to the gym and like slowly build the habit

of yeah of going every whatever couple of days or whatever well i that's really interesting because i remember watching a video where henry rollins who's clearly like all about being jacked and fit and healthy. He was saying, it's not the same but I like hearing that he said that, but also Henry Rollins was saying that he hates it sometimes, but he will hate himself more if he doesn't

push himself through it. So it's like, ah. So you'd say, yeah, it's the same thing, sort of forming a habit and pushing yourself through it. That's me with hockey. I just go to the rink don't worry about playing yeah yeah yeah don't worry about chasing the puck yeah dave just skates around in the car plays with grass twirls can you twirl yeah i do some triple lutz's triple sal cows and everybody's like good hustle out there you were grass you were offside the whole time you were kind of ruined it for us yeah scored twice

on your own net yeah can I be goalie oh wow so yeah that's me I'm I'm

making something of my life there good for you yeah that's really good participation I came I only brought it up

so you guys would give me some bravos yeah well bravo thank you bravvos. Yeah, well, bravo. Thank you. Bravissimo. I said congratulations. I said bravo. Yeah, you did.

Remember that. Follow me at ChrisLockWorld. He's big with the bravos. What's up with you? What the hell? Whose boots have your bed been under? I went to Kamloops, BC bc boy you love to travel i do i love it you've been everywhere yeah i've got a you know uh avion card uh i don't know that

sounds like a traveler thing yeah do you have a card that gets you points i have a i have aeroplane yeah me too um how many points you got don't know are you in uh silver are you diamond are you black i'm not i don't know if what my status is i've never checked in on that but uh uh here's the thing that about cam loops is uh none of that matters you went there a few weeks ago to a comedy fest yeah and i took the bus and i that was a real education. You know? I put a spy cam in my bowl of cereal the other day. You know what I called it? Loops cam. Nice.

Fruit loops cam. Yeah, pretty good. That's what that whole city's named after. Sorry, you were eating cereal on a bus? Yeah, I was eating cereal on a bus. But flying back yesterday, the flight got canceled. I was at the airport at 7 in the morning, and the flight was canceled. And that just means everyone at the airport is screwed.

It's not somewhere off in the distance that you're like, a flight is canceled, and life goes on. There's one gate. Yeah, there's and life goes on there's like one gate yeah there's one gate and there's one check-in counter and so it was just like chaos yeah like one cancel flight meant that all these people like were running around and like what do we do and the people there being like what we're not sure this doesn't happen a lot uh it doesn't no it doesn't canceled because the plane couldn't land because of fog so they were like they were like the plane's here it's flying around in a circle above the airport might have to go back to vancouver yeah and so they just kept

checking in every 10 minutes like the plane's still up there they've got plenty of fuel they said that several times and i was like i don't care about them. I got to get home. Is there fuel here for me to get it back? And then, yeah, they were like, well, they're going back to Vancouver.

So then there was, there was no flight. How long is the flight? Like not even, it's like 40 minutes. Yeah. Yeah. So you can watch a good chunk of venom during it.

Yeah. I mean, it's one of those planes that sounds like this. Yeah. Yeah. So you can watch a good chunk of Venom during it. Yeah. And it's one of those planes that sounds like this. Yeah. The whole time. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do that the whole time. Do that throughout his story. So I'm just wondering how long he can... He can do it. But the... you can do it but the what did it gear down

yeah pretty good right yeah really good I can do any sound effect give me one like a jet plane yeah

different plane that's pretty good that is good now do venom excuse me okay i'm sorry i'm really ruining your story not at all i think you're approving it there's not uh there's not much to the story except that the because it's also a small airport uh there's not that many flights. It's not like, don't worry, we'll just get you on a flight an hour from now.

It was like. It's called small airport. Yeah. It's small. Yeah. I can't lose small international airport. The TV show Wings was based on that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

There was a lot of locals, a lot of drama going on. There was a pretty girl on Wings that I liked as a child. Crystal Bernard? Probably. Was she redhead? drama going on. There was a pretty girl on wings that I liked as a child. Crystal Bernard? Probably. Was she redhead? Oh, no. Who was that?

I forget. Maybe she wasn't redhead. No, the blonde was Crystal Bernard, but the redhead, I think, came in in later seasons. Oh. I know who you mean. I flew into Kamloops Airport once when I was about 15 or 16. Yeah. Because my, hey, callback, my dad's hockey buddy.

Mm-hmm. Hockey. That's the call. Bravo, dad. He owns a orchard in the Okanagan Valley. And they picked me up there and we drove down, I think. Am I wrong about this direction of the truck? And they gave you free apples?

Yeah, they gave me free apples and I got fracked. Here I come. No, I pruned apple trees for like five weeks. I got fat from apples. How come these help everybody else but me? I would candy them first. Oh, yeah. Caramel.

Put some gummy bears on them Just eat the outside And throw it Throw it That's just basically a stick Have you guys ever been To Whistler Blackcomb? Yeah

The old chocolate factory With the candied apples Oh yeah Sure Fudge factory Or whatever it's called I haven't been Fudge house

Fudge house House of fudge Yeah Like a Rocky Mountain Oh that's it It's Rocky Mountain fudge house That's a That's called. I haven't been. Fudge house. Fudge house. House of fudge. Yeah. Like a Rocky mountain. Oh, that's it. It's Rocky mountain fudge house. That's a,

uh, that's a chain I think. Yeah. Oh, well it was the first time I went there when I was a kid and it was the first time I ever saw it. And you, did you have a candied apple?

Yes, I did. Yeah. And then I skied like shit. The, uh, I skied right down the hill, right back into the fudge house

take your skis off quick my parents are still skiing fill this boot with give me a candied apple with sweet tarts on it roll it just roll it in whatever yeah roll my head

in hot caramel let a giant eat me. I'm sick of this. Family vacation. Let giant Shania Twain eat my tiny mouse head. Oh, that's my utopia. So you were in Kamloops. Yeah, I was in Kamloops,

and the next flight wasn't until way in the afternoon. And it was like, it's hard to get and would you get on the next flight did they guarantee you they said you could get on the next flight but they couldn't guarantee that the flight would happen yeah so i was like how long is it going to be foggy yeah and so we were like well we could like we could drive back in the amount of time that it would take to wait. Yeah. And so one of the group I was with called the car rental place and they were like, well, how much would it be for a one-way drive? And they were like $70. And then there's a $600 charge because somebody has to drive to Vancouver and pick that car up and drive it back to Camelot. Just $70 plus $600.

Plus $600. And there's a minor $600 where there's just a 1,000% fee on this. That'd be funny if they tell you that and you turn to your buddy like $70, that's not bad. That's pretty good. We should do that.

So yeah, ended up being in in the you would have got a lot of points on your card for that that's true it's true uh ended up being in the airport for like seven hours god damn this is freaking me out yeah and there's like no mad magazine i had a mad magazine luckily yeah so did the fold in a bunch of times oh yeah oh yeah what is oh yeah right you had a big stack of 70s playboys a bunch of people and now it's one guy yeah yeah um yeah this guy's eye and this guy's eye now make him part of a big face okay oh okay yeah um but yeah just like there's no lounge or anything there's yeah yeah you or anything And is it far from town? Yep far from town And you can't get a cab in that city

That is aggravating I'm sorry you went through that It wasn't aggravating It was just like At a point I was like well I could just be here for a day You're like Tom Tom Hanks I was going to say Tom Petty.

You're like Tom Petty in the terminal. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was. I found love in the terminal in the Kamloops. Oh, does he live in the terminal? Because he's. Who? Tom Petty?

Yeah, Tom Hanks. Oh. Yeah, he's like. It's a true. It was based on a true story. A man really did that? A man got. He landed in New york or something and

and his uh country no longer existed when he landed yeah like he he is he he didn't have any documents to get out of the airport so he ended up and he couldn't go back to where he was from for years like years and years he lived in the airport because of this weird bureaucratic stuff. I actually am claustrophobic right now. Yeah. I want to go do stuff. Chris, no matter where you go, travel with ID so you don't get locked in an airport. He just forgot his ID?

He didn't have papers. He somehow got on a plane in the days where people would just be like, you got a ticket? Great. Get on the plane. And then he didn't have papers he like somehow got on a plane in the days where like people would just be like you got a ticket great get on the plane and that he couldn't leave yeah that freaks me out i thought it was that his country didn't exist anymore it was something it was something to do with like like a revolution happened while he's in the air yeah yeah it got annexed or something i was wondering like did you start because i would go crazy would you start thinking that you're in a twilight zone where you have to like you're like am i dead and this is what sort of like purgatory is like well it was like when they said yeah you

can get on the next plane i was like that's great and they're like if the plane comes and it's like yeah that is and it's a big contingency. What amenities are in the airport? They had a restaurant and, uh, did you eat there? I did twice. I'm hungry.

Uh, I just, uh, just the ones cause it took so long. And then, uh, and then they had a table where you could go on your laptop. And that was,

those were the amenities. Did they have a, uh, they didn't have a bathroom? you could go on your laptop. And those were the amenities. Did they have a... They didn't have a bathroom? Nope, no bathroom. You had to go out on the runway. That's one of the reasons they don't want to land there. Filthy runway. You have to go on the runway.

Planes slip on shit. Yeah, yeah, exactly. What? Headline. In Soviet Russia, shit slips on plane. But eventually a plane came, and it was like the happiest I've ever been. Seeing that plane. Were those people getting off the plane super happy too?

They didn't seem overjoyed because they had to fly all the way back to somewhere. So it was the same oh yeah yeah damn but that's a mix-up just because of fog yeah cam loops needs a fog blower they should have if there's if that becomes a thing where it's like a uh a common thing that the plane can't land they should set up a rental car exchange. Yes. Yeah, okay. You can only go back to Vancouver once those people bring the Vancouver car. It's basically the problem you're having

with your flight at the moment. Yeah, it was just so funny how she said it. It was like, it'll only be $70. Oh, and there's an extra charge, $600. That is so crazy. But you know what? I made it back in time to do this podcast. I don't know. That is so crazy. But you know what? I made it back in time to do this podcast. And we are forever grateful.

Aren't we, though? You feel okay? I feel great. You didn't get, you're not jet lagged? In the same time zone? Same time zone. Yeah. I feel all right.

That is a harrowing experience. Seven hours in an airport, but then I think about that guy who lived in the airport. Yeah. And that's really harrowing experience seven hours in an airport but then i think about that guy who lived in the airport yeah and that's really harrowing but it was a better airport that he lived that's true it had more like a food court yeah yeah when i when i'm going through something bad and somebody says think about like this person they had it way worse that never makes you feel better no i'm always like i don't care about them at all i only care about how i feel right now when my parents were like eat your food there's kids starving in china right now i'm like what does that have to do with me yeah yeah well i guess i cared about yeah in china hey not africa um uh i guess the cliche was like all of africa was oh the leftovers from your plate no i was

it was right i was born in the 40s. Oh, yeah, right. That's true. You heard his hockey story. Yeah. Only people from the 40s like hockey. I'm the only 70-year-old on my team. Do we want to move on to some overheards? Yeah.

Alright. This week on Bullseye, Lin-Manuel Miranda on his dark materials, hip-hop, and life after Hamilton. I know it's the first line of my obituary. So if that line is handled, then what else can I do with my time here? It's Bullseye for MaximumFun.org and NPR. Hey, it's Jesse Thorne. Hey, it's Jesse Thorne. We're very happy to announce that tickets for MaxFunCon 2020 will go on sale Friday, November 29th at 11 a.m. Pacific.

I also want to let you know, this coming year, MaxFunCon 2020 will be our last MaxFunCon for the foreseeable future. For 2020 and beyond, we're going to be looking for ways to connect with more of you in person and spread the spirit of MaxFun farther than it's ever gone before. In the meantime, if you want to join us at the last MaxFunCon in Lake Arrowhead, June 12th through the 14th,

you can find details at maxfuncon.com. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard. The segment where you hear things out there in the world. Sure. I'm here on the podcast. Yeah. I always like to start with the guest,

Chris. I have two. Do you? Do you want to do one and then we do ours and then come back to you? Okay. So the first one was this morning. I was at Futo Croissants on Henderson, I believe it's called. Hamilton. Okay.

Sure. By Ronson. Robson. Robson. I don't know anything. I just walk around and follow my heart, you know. But anyways, I ended up at this croissant shop and this woman came in and she goes uh there was a box of croissants ready to be picked up and she goes i ordered a box of croissants for tamara and the lady was like um

okay and she's like i believe these are your i believe these are my croissants and then the lady was like no someone ordered these for today and she she's like, I know they're mine. My name is Tamara. I know. It was like a perfect classic. Yeah. Classic gag. It was like, who's on first?

Yeah, it was pretty perfect. I swear I'm not embellishing it. It was like, I ordered croissants for Tamara. Like, it just got like a boston accent and every day is agony because i have to have this i feel like she probably has done that yeah tomorrow i'll do it tomorrow why why why not just say tom i ordered some for tom yeah yeah that's what i've started doing at the old coffee shops Really? Yep Not once has anybody ever got my name right

So I don't like Let's cut out the middle man here If Abby's with me We'll use Abby Dave is just too Sounds like James, sounds like Nate Sounds like Kate Shouted in a loud coffee place

Yeah I've picked up many the wrong coffee Oh boy Embarrassing Embarrassing Or other people have picked up mine Oh boy Fools

When they When I do it It's embarrassing Yeah When they do it They're idiots Idiots Every time I go to the coffee shop

I say my name's Chris And then they When I get it On the side of the cup It says piss And then when I drink it It the side of the cup it says piss and then when i drink it it tastes like piss so maybe they've laid there that wasn't yours yeah that's just the special piss cup oh this is my piss for tomorrow uh dave do you have an over here i do this is

another one uh from my recent trip to new york I think this is maybe the last one from the trip. Last overheard from New York. Paul Schaefer. I feel like New York is like home of origin of the best overheards. And yet all these seem to be just from airports. The airport is a gold mine. Please let me leave the airport yeah i heard a man say so i um uh we were just waiting for a plane and like you do that's where you do it in an airport

and i heard a young woman talking to her friend saying elton john doesn't write his own songs he has a friend write them for him And the friend says Well actually a lot of people don't write their own songs And She's like yeah But he has like a personal songwriter Like Bernie Taupin

He writes the lyrics Elton John writes the music I'm gonna go talk to these ladies It's not like the court jester comes by write me a song although if you were yeah if you were gonna picture a like a king that was having people write songs for him elton john wears a lot of extravagant costumes he he could pull off the role of he eccentric king. He does write his own music. Yeah. But he never wrote his own lyrics?

I think his first album he wrote his own lyrics. I couldn't get through Rocketman. It was very bad. It was my venom. I don't want to see Rocketman. I don't want to see We Were the Queen. I loved that. Really? Yeah. Chris's can barely contain his that's i like i like that kind of music i like a rock biopic yeah uh rocket man was not that what was it it was like a musical

oh really yeah oh i think they both look cheap and silly there yeah no i, Bohemian Rhapsody was cheap and silly, but I liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Why wasn't it called We Will Rock You? It seems like. Well, that is a musical.

Oh, that is a musical. Yeah. Okay. All right. Pretty good, right? You are good. I know. Yeah.

Just loop that. Buddy, young man. I guess so. Oh, we have we have mail well i guess we can wait for the next episode to open our mail sure yeah um oh is this a long one did i make it too long no what's up everybody i just had to zip through the past four months of my life training on the ice that's right. Doing that thing in the off season where they're skating with parachutes behind them to skate faster.

Yeah, but is that good audio for the listeners? No, it was a bad story. It's like you're making them train all that time with you. It would be good audio if I could get a sound effect of that. Imagine I joined the army. Oh, come on. Oh, wait. Oh, sorry.

Do it again. set me up again uh it would be a good audio if i got a good sound effect of it good hustle dave yeah okay Dave, take a rest. Um, do you have an overheard? I do. Or were we still talking about something weird? No, no,

no. I, or, you know, maybe we were. Yeah. But you know, there's time for everything.

Yeah. Um, turn, turn, turn. exactly. You guys don't like wacky. Oh, I love wacky.

I love wacky, but you know what? I've got a dead disappointment. I gotta get to my overheard is uh courtesy of standing in a very long line at this airport to uh to figure out what was going on and um there was a guy standing behind like a guy who just showed up on the scene and was like why is everything so crazy at the cameloops airport and uh we explained it to him and he was like huh well i'm gonna go stand over in the priority line which i guess i was like well i guess everything's topsy-turvy and uh

and i said yeah if you go there and they tell you to come back i'll save your place in line and then the guy in front of me was like, you're not going to save your place, his place in line. And I was like, no, of course not. And the guy heard me over in the other line.

He was like, well, what was that? Kind of like a checks in the mail kind of situation. So that was my overheard. I was, I was embroiled. Yeah.

Yeah. Uh, but yeah, I'm not going to save this guy's place. That thing of like, I'm going to see if I can get here faster than the rest of you. Save my spot. Yeah.

Yeah. It was like, absolutely not. I'm not saving. And, and it was all, it was Australian rules. Right. Yeah. Um, do they have flights to other cities or just Vancouver? Uh, they also flew to Alberta.

Yeah. And, uh, and then you could go to, from Alberta to the world. Yes, of Alberta. Yeah. And then you could go from Alberta to the world. Yes, of course. Yeah. But. As long as the Alberta flights could land. Yeah. It's fog.

Oh, man. They need a big blower. Yeah. I agree. It's crazy. Some kind of defogger. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Now you have a second. Overheard. Yeah. I was working at this Waves coffee shop. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now you have a second over her. Yeah. I was working at this waves coffee shop yesterday. And, uh, this,

these people that were in the coffee shop for about as long as I was like about an hour, they were getting ready to leave. And then the lady goes, Oh, maybe I'll go use the bathroom. And then, uh,

before we go. And then she goes back to her, whatever, her coworkers and goes, the bathroom's for customers only. I'll wait till we get back. And that really perplexed me because I was like,

what the hell are you talking about? I just saw you guys drink coffee here for an hour. Yeah. What do you think was going on with her mind? Yeah. Maybe she, did she not order a coffee? She was just hanging out with her, hanging out on her friend's coffee.

So do you think it was an extreme version of morality and ethics? Yeah. Where she's like. Or do you think that she didn't want to ask for a code and that would make her uncomfortable and maybe going to the bathroom in a coffee shop would make her more uncomfortable than a bathroom that she was used to? Do I think that? Yeah. What are your top, what are the bathrooms you won't go in uh i don't think there is one i've never gone in a grocery store i have

i've gone through the store room i've never gone i've never done that i've never gone in a store like i like i've gone on the display toilets on the on the floor well i would never go into a bathroom where an army man is crouched on the toilet ready to stab me no yeah would you um but like what uh yeah like i go in uh the mall anywhere where you can access it without a code i'll go but go okay here's one at a party and then everybody's partying and they're cool and then the door doesn't even have a lock on it oh yeah okay

am I doing number one or two or cocaine number three I got a number three number two no go home yeah that party's over dude yeah go in the airport Number three. Number two. No, go home. Yeah.

That party's over, dude. Yeah. Go in the airport. Yeah, it is intimidating to ask to like use the like private toilet. May I ruin your bathroom? Yeah. May I use your private bathroom? But bathroom for money. What about dinner party?

Dinner party. The bathroom's right near the dining area move the marble floor and the door has like an inch of space from the bottom to the floor is it a floor made of marble or are there marbles all over the floor that i could slip on and pee my pants oh i see oh it's okay when you're wack wacky. Only one of us has a license to whack. There's marbles everywhere. And you're going like this. Do-ble-deh, do-ble-deh, do-ble-deh.

Your feet are going do-ble-deh, do-ble-deh, do-ble-deh. Boink. Ow, my bum. And then you shit your pants. And then everyone's like, dinner's ruined. They shouldn't have hosted a dinner party if that's like, dinner's ruined. They shouldn't have hosted a dinner party if that's their bathroom situation.

Here's my impression of you in that bathroom by the dining area with the all marble floor, marble floor slabs in the echoey bath. That's it. And everyone's like,

I didn't hear anything you would hope that it didn't seem that echoey i didn't hear it i didn't hear a ricochet off yeah and then oh man it's super echoey i would love to see an old man go to like a Grand Canyon-y type thing and be like, hello, hello, hello. And then like, why an old man? Because they fart easier. Yeah, that's true. That's one of the advantages of becoming an old man.

Trust me. We also have overheards sent in from people all over the place. I want to hear more fart and poop talk. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Andrew W. Okay. From Parts Unknown at a stoplight. He was at a stoplight.

I was at a stoplight this morning. Looked over at a man in a sweatshirt waiting to cross the street. On his sweatshirt was the following. Best. Period. Pig dad. Period. Ever.

Wow. Yeah. That's really good. So is he a guy that has a pig? Yeah, yeah. Or is he just kind of like a dad who's a pig? No, I think he's a pig. His pig bought him just kind of like yeah like dad who's a pig no i think he's a pig his pig bought him that shirt and had it made for him yeah i'm like uh what are people a dog mom

is that a thing oh yeah dog a cat daddy yeah yeah cat daddy yeah it's a new thing that's that's somebody who likes jazz as a cat daddy that's true um yeah i i don't know i you're a pet owner more than a parent i think no no pet parent pig pig part of pigs are just like human children yeah it's the same responsibility george clooney was the best pig dad ever that's true yeah i would go with um no not richard jenkins what's the guy's name from babe oh james cromwell yeah i got them two mixed up sometimes james cromwell is the best pig daddy yeah that's true he really knew how to encourage his pig yeah and let him know when it was enough yeah yeah that'll do babe yeah he was looking at babe. He was looking at you, babe. He was looking at you.

The pig dad will make you. Oink, oink. The daddy pig will make you. Oink, oink. This is your good. Old McDonald will make you. Oink, oink. E-I.

E-I. Uh-oh. Have fun. This next one comes from Tyler A. I overheard this. Between two software developers making small talk. Developer one. Is Chicago in Boston?

Developer two. I don't think so. Long pause. Developer one. Oh, I had it wrong. Boston is in Chicago and Chicago is in the Midwest. Stick to the ones and zeros, developers. What in the heck?

Yeah, I don't know. That's crazy. Yeah, how... Where was that guy from that heard that? Didn't say. Yeah, that's weird. Interesting. Yeah, it's weird.

But developers, they're their own... Yeah, they're their own culture. They're their own kooky people. They do live in the internet. You're right. Yeah, they live in the Matrix. They play video games on the subway. Uh-huh.

They, you know uh rent videos online they order hats yeah yeah they do some online banking as well they can track packages yeah that's right developers they can do it all uh this last one comes from Neil from Iowa City, Iowa. Tonight, my five-year-old son was headed to the freezer to get some ice cream as a treat. We had two kinds to choose from, super fudge brownie and moose tracks. Not sure what moose tracks.

I've never heard the classic Canadian ice cream. Is it? I think so. As he was deciding, I overheard him singing to himself, fudge cops, bringing down the house. That is just lovely. That's my type of guy. Yeah. That's our song.

Graham, that's our song. I like how wacky he is. That's my guy. That's your guy. Yeah. No jokes about that guy. He's awesome. Yeah.

That kid's son? Cool guy. Yeah. He's awesome. Yeah. That kid's son? Cool guy. Yeah. He's a pig. Moose tracks is vanilla ice cream with peanut butter cups and famous moose tracks fudge. Oh, man. You think I haven't ordered that? I love moose tracks.

Yeah? Yeah. Shout out to moose tracks. What up? What do you like? What's your top ice cream? Moose tracks. Okay.

Raccoon noses. i i do like the cookies and dough type of things i like it when there's a bit of a sweet uh and a savory mix um salted caramel yeah i love all that stuff i love the like mix with chewy crunch and yeah yeah i would say maybe a cookie dough. Yeah. Why not? Delicious. And nutritious. And then for classics, I would go strawberry.

Okay. Mm-hmm. Just like a vintage straight up. Yeah. Yeah. Fair enough. Dave, you've said before what your favorite is, right? Oh yeah.

Oh, we're going around? Yeah. Uh, yeah. I like, uh, well at the moment I'm going through a real Haagen-Dazs, uh, peanut butter chocolate phase. Okay. Oh yeah Oh we're going around Yeah Yeah I like Well at the moment I'm going through A real Haagen-Dazs Peanut butter Chocolate phase

Okay Oh yeah Yeah Let me ask you this Okay Riddles me with Does that flavor of ice cream Make you fart and poo

Into the toilet Christopher Christopher Christa fart We Yes Poo That's one That's one

That's one You're allowed one That was my fifth Well that was your one On me Okay Good You can do ten more

And you get two And you do not want to get The six with me Because Because then you start Playing hockey in front of me Then it's time out Okay

Time poot You're on your way to two Let me tell everybody listening right now Something very wise That I've learned in my 41 years of life You can try and be as smart and intelligent As you want to be in your 20s and 30s But once you hit 40

The dumb stuff you realize Was always the funniest stuff You're right Yeah, yeah, yeah once you hit 40, the dumb stuff you realize was always the funniest stuff. You're right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do you think, Graham? I agree. Yeah. Because we've both been doing it

for a long-ass time. Graham's not 40. How old are you, Graham? 39. You know what I'm talking about. Not even close. I'm 38. I'm young.

Wait, when does this episode come out? Yeah, you're still trying to be sophisticated. I'm, I will be 39 for another week after this episode. So, I mean, 38 for another week. You're a young sophisticate. Mm-hmm.

Sophistophone. Aristocat. Here we go. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, the phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one.

Like these people have. Hey, guys. This is Meredith from Boston calling in an overheard. I heard my boss talking on the phone, and she was giving someone some of her information, and she said, yep, it's Pam. It's spelled P as in Pam, A-M. Okay, thanks. Off I go.

Pretty good. Yeah. Fun. But you know what? Pam's fun. Yeah. P as in Pam, A-M. A as in the middle of Pam, and M as the finisher on Pam.

Yeah, don't get it. You think she was self-aware of being a goofy Pam? I think she probably is. You're always the last to know. Yeah,

Pam's, I don't think Pam's ever achieved self-awareness yet. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you don't think so?

No, I think they're still, they haven't, they're kind of an artificial intelligence. They're like Hal.

Yeah. Yeah. Hal and Pam. The couple that you met. Yeah. Here's your next phone call. david graham this is katherine from connecticut with an overheard so i am a teacher and was working with a young student uh comparing uh single digit numbers so we were working with a number line and he was explaining to me why

five is greater than two and the correct answer is because it's farthest to the right. So I was trying to prompt him by saying so you know five is greater than two because it's farthest and he said

marthest. Thank you. That's what I'm talking about. That, yeah. That guy and the ice cream guy are my favorite people. I want the world to be full of those guys. Because it's for the Marthas.

I remember this. I remember the rhyme. Yeah. Yes, yes. Okay. Here's your last one. Hello, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Annie calling from Texas. I was in PetSmart today and buying cat food,

and I was behind a woman in line with her dog in the cart with her. And we were like walking down an aisle where no one happened to be at the moment. And I guess she didn't realize I was right behind her. And she started singing to her dog. Hema one and a Hema one. Hema, play shit, boy. one and a hemo one. He's a poised boy.

And then as she was singing out the last note of boy, she seemed to realize I was behind her and she turned around and said, Oh, not you. I was talking to the dog. Man, the world's full of silly people.

Yeah. I love humans. Yeah. Aren't they cute? They are cute. Oh, no. Chris is an alien. That's right.

Oh, no. He's going to start calling us puny human. Yeah. It's true. I've been watching you guys, and some of you are great. Yeah. We'll make great pets. That's true.'s true yeah uh from the 90s yeah yeah yeah remember that song chris okay listen to this okay i didn't want to get into the 90s again but guess who i've been

listening to uh primus a lot lately no tool no alice in chains no Porno for Pyro thanks for really guessing no Oscar Du no that's 80s 80s okay can you give us

give us a hint um well it's two bands okay one are there two bands that were one the guy

originally started in a band that was blowing up and they were big and then he got kicked out in 1989 oh Dave Mustaine nope and then he started his own up and they were big and then he got kicked out in 1989 oh dave mustaine no no and then he started his own band and they were pretty much just as popular in the 90s oh i don't know do you know this and then they reunited in the 2000s and the the original band

and they've been killing it ever since really huh yeah i'm a big fan of both of these red hot chili peppers no okay it's sabado and lou varlo was in dinosaur junior right ah okay and now they're all back together jamming out i've been listening to sabado and super chunk oh you like those bands yeah yeah okay um okay if i played any of those bands instead of Primus that one time, that fateful time. You definitely would have gotten some. I would have kissed Alexandra. Hi, Alexandra. Hi.

She has kids now. Yeah. So do you. She's doing all right. Oh, shit. Oh, no. Chris, what would you like to plug? This comes out at the end of November.

I want to say the 25th, yeah. It's one month till Christmas, so I want to plug that. Okay, well, end of November, if you're listening, if you're in Toronto on the 27th, I've got a show called Chris Locke World at the Comedy Bar in the main space. Uh, December 5th, I'm going to be, I have a at live at elgin two shows in ottawa at the live at elgin december 8th i will be in waterloo at the princess cafe with ben stagger and jordan brown who are like two of my favorite new comics in the city in toronto and when working moms comes out i've i've filmed i acted in one of the most bizarre crazy weird scenes that show's

ever made and so i'll be in the new season of working moms and in one scene and it's insane nice i hope you get to catch that okay watch tall boys and watch baroness fun sketch i show up a little bit in those shows but those guys are all awesome man good yeah this guy like if you need him to plug something he'll do it yeah just fucking follow me on chris lock world and help me yeah help chris get back his uh 250,000 followers oh yeah that's yeah yeah that's how much it was yeah yeah yeah i think you're doing well 1700 is good okay, no. You guys are in your decas. But we never got assassinated.

Yeah. We never got. Yeah. When Gary Coleman gives advice, we say, yes, Gary. Yum, yum. Give me some more advice. Yummy, yummy. Oh, you're so right.

And tall. Yeah. You're tall. He's very tall. Yeah. Yeah. This weekend, I will be doing 24 hours of stand-up comedy. That's this weekend.

That's this Friday. Yeah, this Friday. Starting on the Friday. Going right through the night to the Saturday. Raising money for the Stephen Lewis Foundation. And you can, yeah, you can, will people be able to watch it on internet? Yeah. We're going to try, we're going to live stream it.

And you can, you can donate. I've got. You can already donate. I've already donated. Dave's already donated. He's up on the. Yeah, you're on the donator page. Uh-huh.

Now I don't have to watch it. Exactly. So, yeah, if you're in Vancouver Vancouver You want to stop by Do so Otherwise if you want to donate You can online It's so easy Um I didn't put

How much I donated I think that's a little crass Yeah A hundred dollars Nice I've stayed up all night A few times Writing jokes for the

Pat Thorne one In Toronto And it's A psychedelic Hilarious Uh Party time Yeah yeah yeah

It's really great Yeah It's gonna time. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's really great. Yeah. It's going to be fun. Yeah. And thank you so much for being our guest, Greg. Can I say one more thing, guys? No. Yeah.

Bye. I really love coming out to BC and Vancouver and all my friends and funny friends out here. And so since you're listening to this later, thank you to everybody who came out to my show in Vancouver. And if you... It's really supportive. Lovely city. I guys thank you that's nice that's a nice note to end on yeah yeah thanks everybody for listening if you like the show tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of stop podcasting yourself MaximumFun.org

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