Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 613 - Ennis Esmer

Episode Date: December 16, 2019

Actor Ennis Esmer joins us to talk set etiquette, Disney on Ice, and Graham’s 24-hour stand-up comedy marathon.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 613 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's ready for the hustle. He's ready for the bustle. He's ready for the silver. He's ready for the bells. Mr. Dave Shoka.

Oh, I'm in the Christmas spirit. I didn't realize I had programmed Our doorbell To play Jingle bells But our guest Pointed that out What was it? Joy to the world Joy to the world first But then you did it again

And it was jingle bells Yeah I guess As it goes on It's got some Choices for you Is that like A subscription service Or something

Yeah yeah yeah It's Boy it's expensive Halloween must be fun That must be a good No it's just Christmas. Yeah. It's all year long.

It's joy to the world at Halloween. Yeah. Why shouldn't there be? It's really just the, I want it just to do the most solemn ones. I want it like, oh, holy night. I saw three ships come sailing in. Yeah, the ones that no one likes. What's the, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da.

Yeah, Carol of the Bells, the sinister one. Carol of the Bells, right, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da. Yeah, it's just Carol of the Bells, the sinister one. Carol of the Bells, right. You're just standing there for three and a half minutes waiting for somebody to come in.

Don't press it twice. Don't press it twice. Yeah. That voice you're hearing is our guest today, first time guest here on the podcast. It's actor Ennis Esmer.

Wow. Thank you for having me. This is amazing. Hello. Thank you for joining us. You guys are like the veterans of this. Yeah, we're, yeah. Thank you for having me. This is amazing. Hello. Thank you for joining us. You guys are like the veterans of this. Yeah. Thank you for your service.

We're the trailblazers. I meant, you know, like a veteran athlete, but you went right to military. Yeah. Stolen valor. It's definitely a great thing to equate recording your voices in your basement. Yeah. Military service. Bunker, please.

Pardon me. Pardon me. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. That's where that. Military service. Bunker, please. Pardon me, pardon me. Sorry. Yeah. Yeah. That's where that term comes from. Bunker mentality. From dudes, white guys with podcasts. Do we want to get to know us?

Oh, yes. Get to know us. Aneth, hello. Hi. Did I screw up by talking before? No, no, no. I asked you for what the... No, you did. You did. Yeah. You set me hello. Hi. Did I screw up by talking before? No, no, no. No, no. I asked you for what the... No, you did.

You did. Yeah, you set me up. Yeah. You set me up. Son of a bitch. Now he's going to get doxxed. What? Is that by you guys?

You and all our listeners, they're like, anyone who talks too soon, we doxx them. Name, address, allergies. Yeah. What does doxxing mean? I guess I'll find out soon enough. You mean like, what does the word actually come from? Well, but like,

what, when... Putting all your, like, where you live out there online, which used to be just in a phone book. So, yeah. Isn't that strange

that you could just find somebody before, but also you weren't, like, finding the address of somebody on the other side of the world or... And sending a SWAT team

to their house. Unless you went to the library and got that, you know, that city's phone book book you had to really want to uh avenge something before did libraries get every phone book in the world i think they would get like the big cities phone books and then i feel like at libraries if you're like i need toledo's phone book they would get it for you really like a library in library in Vancouver would have that? On a microfiche or something?

Maybe on a microfiche. That was a cornerstone of any kind of political thriller. Did you ever use a microfiche in the day? I mean, for like independent research projects, sure. So a little name drop to grade 10 assignments. Yeah. Yeah. But yeah, I think that, I mean, people, what do they do?

They mail stuff to your house or they come, they show up and they. Yeah. How do you SWAT someone? Do you have to say, I'd like a SWAT team to Graham's house, please? Yeah. You say, I'd like to order one SWAT team. And if you guys can sing happy birthday while you're there, all the better. We're in your sexiest cops.

Or joy to the world. Yeah. If it's the holidays. Yeah. We should know a little bit about you. You're an actor. What do you want to know? How long have you been an actor?

My first audition was in November of 2000 for a YTV show. I don't remember what it was called, But I did audition for a hockey playing vampire And I think I had to like get out of a tomb Or a casket And then have a stick on me I wore a New Jersey Devil's jersey Because I had one I think that was like

I liked the way Once they took the green out of their jerseys I was into them And I feel like if a vampire was going to root for any team It would be the devil. Makes sense, right? Yeah. Yeah, how serendipitous.

I guess the... Well, no, think of... San Antonio blood... Blood bags. Things. Yeah, San Antonio blood bags. They were only in the league that one year.

Yeah. Yeah, because they could only play like late, late into the night. Yeah, they were... Those games were very poorly attended. I think a hockey... There's no windows in hockey arenas. Yeah, they were. Those games were very poorly attended. I think a hockey,

there's no windows in hockey arenas. No, but there's bright, bright lights. Aren't they also? But like, wouldn't you need that late at night as well? Yeah. Yeah, that was dumb what I said. As long as it's not like. No, they were playing outdoors all the time.

Oh, right. Of course, this was. Are vampires averse to like artificial light? I think they're fine with it. But like, you know, could they use like a seasonal affective disorder lamp? I don't know? I think they're fine with it. But like, you know, could they use like a seasonal affective disorder lamp? I don't know. I think they have to. Right, because they can get quite miserable.

Yeah. Yeah. That would be a good twist. You got the winter bluzz. That would be a good twist on the vampire story. That's my Arnold Schwarzenegger. As a vampire. Yeah.

If somebody armed themselves with one of those sad lights to fight a vampire because they emulate sunlight right supposedly i've i've had a couple i have a couple like in i don't know one of my apartment i'm not sure it does anything great story right yeah yeah great story i don't know if it does anything it feels like i'm tricking myself into believing it i think that's the idea yeah it's like you're you. It's like you're supposed to turn your screens off, you know, however many minutes before bed to trick your brain into thinking the internet doesn't exist. Yeah, that screens aren't cool anymore. I have to do that every night. It's exhausting.

Yeah. Which then helps me sleep. Yeah. Because it's so tiring but aren't there like things where you trick your body like you know drink a lot of water and your body thinks you you're underwater yeah and you don't drown your way or your body thinks you're not thirsty anymore or your the way you the way you trick you can trick your hungry mind yeah you don't food can't you trick your uh hunger like as uh an appetite isn't water enough water an appetite suppressant?

I mean, yeah. Now you're talking like ballet school tricks. Yeah. Yeah. Cigarettes, too. They trick your mind into feeling full. Drink a glass of cigarettes. Yeah, drink a glass.

I do before I go to bed. Yeah, right. Because you have to juice them. Yeah. Yes. And you can use the time that you would have used on screens to just juice your cigarettes. I just, you know what? If my parents made me drink a juiced cigarette, I probably would have quit smoking.

Yeah. Or just like someone's spit from tobacco. Oh, yeah. No, nothing would make me quit chew. I love it too much. Do you chew chewing tobacco? No, no. Oh, I was so excited for a second.

You and John Gibbons. Who's John Gibbons? He was the former Blue Jays manager. Okay. From Toronto. That was a name drop. It was a good one. He chewed tobacco.

Even into the... Didn't it get banned by the major leagues? You know what I might have missed? He was a real rebel. Yeah. He got into fights with our umpires a lot. For years, Everyone chewed tobacco Yeah

In the majors And then it was Big league chew Yeah And now it's just like It didn't transit Like No it was

Did major leaguers Actually chew big league chew No No but they do chew They have big buckets Of double bubble Or whatever And sunflower seeds

Yeah yeah That's sunflower seeds Yeah sunflower seeds Are everywhere Which by the way Really helps Anybody arguing That baseball is not a sport

Because you're like Eating while you're Yeah Having a snack During the game Yeah yeah You can't do that In any other sport

You can't just No sometimes you'll see People in hockey Having a sponge cake In between Oh yeah No there was like Someone go run

The backup goalie Runs to concessions Anybody need anything? I feel like there was Footage of a hockey player on the bench this year eating like a hamburger or something. Well, that's just a cool guy right there. Yeah, that's a cool guy who's like flouting the rules and the conventions of the game. He also played for the San Antonio Blood Bags. Yeah, that's true.

He just needed some kind of meat. Yeah. Did you get that role? It was a rare burger. What's that? Did you get that role? I did not. Okay. I did not. No, burger what's that did you get that role i did not okay did not no no it's okay but yeah that was uh but it didn't discourage you enough to give up the

acting game well yeah i didn't uh i didn't um yeah i went to school york theater for three years and then had one audition it was like no this isn't for me i didn't get it well people do that like people definitely go to school and then for whatever and get the job. And they're like, I hate this. Yeah. Yeah. It's happened to friends of mine that were in theater school. But even like, you know, lawyers.

Oh, yeah. Sure. Yeah. You can turn your back on whatever you. I don't know any lawyers. Yeah. Oh, get to know them. Do you guys?

Oh, yeah. I do. I have a very good friend who's a lawyer but uh like a public like prosecutor right so so they have like an interesting yeah they find their work interesting interesting they find it fascinating right because it's it's the stuff that people like watch procedurals for yeah like that's yeah yeah that's what she's like lawyer yeah yeah, yeah. Right.

Yeah, because sometimes you'll talk to a lawyer and they'll be like, you know the part in the contract where it says force majeure? I write that part of the contract.

You know? You'd think it would just be like a stock thing that the paperclip would be like, it seems like you're writing a contract.

No, you have to get the law version where the paperclip has a law degree. Right. A little wig. A British yeah. No, you have to get the law version where the paperclip has a law degree. Right. A little wig. A little British wig.

A little mallet. A mallet. I find that so weird. I just wanted to say mallet. It's a gavel. Well, not, I mean, yeah, sure, it is a gavel. Right. Not in cartoon courts in my brain.

Yeah, that's right. That's where they're doing it. You're right. I made a mistake and now I'm doubling down on it. They're not playing croquet. Yeah, right, right. Well, what about a croquet lawyer? Maybe, maybe he carries both. Yeah.

Yeah. What was the first role that you landed? Oh, well, the first thing that springs to mind was, the first speaking part in a movie was the Mandy Moore vehicle, How to Deal. Yes. I played like the boyfriend of her rival in the movie. Nice. Her rival was played by Charlotte Sullivan,

who actually is a delightful actor. I haven't seen it sometime, but she's a wonderful person. But yeah, I remember because I had to put a, they gave me like a fake eyebrow ring and spiky hair. And you were like, no, I'm getting my eyebrow pierced. Well, it's just so, I'm just not, you know, I don't know about you guys, but I don't have any piercings or tattoos or anything.

So this was really a departure. Yeah. And people really talked to me differently. And I could tell they thought that the eyebrow piercing was real. Yeah. I got a sense. One of the most fakeable piercings. Yeah, for sure.

I mean, they just put, you know, they put the little fake one in there, but I just got a sense. What was the feeling? Like people thought I was cooler. You know what I mean? It was like I was cooler you know what i mean it was like i was in a different skin for that that period of time they're just getting you coffee they're just a lot more high fives and people like air guitaring at me yeah yeah girls would walk by and just go now um if anyone hasn't seen it You can spoil it Does Mandy Moore

Figure out how to deal She It's tough But yeah By the end of the movie She figures Because at the beginning She can't

Yeah She can't deal But then by the end She can't I think her friend Gets pregnant I remember I was in a scene

In like a It was like a New Year's Eve party I was throwing And there was a scene With a bong And she gets like Pulled into the room

With a bong And she was like A pop star at this point And And I unfortunately correctly predicted that most of that scene would be cut, because they couldn't show Mandy Moore smoking a bong. Right. So I think I had it down to like one line or something. Wow. This was pre-Miley Cyrus, where she normalized the bong rip. Yeah, the pop star bong. Yeah, this was definitely in a gentler sanitized yeah there was a yeah i remember

because we talked a couple weeks ago about britney spears great every couple of weeks i'm two weeks okay good because we're doing it again yeah i was gonna say i came too late but i remember there was a like a time when it was like britney spears and christina aguilera and mandy moore and jessica simpson and like it was a topic of conversation. Are they virgins? And stuff like that. Yeah, that's right. Yeah, wasn't Jessica Simpson's dad, he was like somehow in control of virginity or something like that?

He was like TI. He was a virginity lawyer. Yeah, he was that generation's TI. Can I ask, can you fill me in? And this might help for the audience that doesn't know this. He was a virginity lawyer. Yeah, he was that generation's TI. Can I ask, can you fill me in, and this might help for the audience that doesn't know this, but I heard about this, but I didn't actually hear what happened. What's TI's, what did he do? Here's what happened.

TI got a podcast. Yeah, right. Is it called like in... Expeditiously? Expeditiously? Yeah. With TI in the middle of it? Not how you say it, though. I don't know if it's a word. Expeditiously.it- Expeditiously? Yeah. With T-I in the middle of it? Not how you say it, though. I don't know if it's a word.

Expedit-T-I-ishly. And it's- Oh, we're just having a go at T-I. Yeah, well. All right. He earned it. Am I yelling, by the way? No.

Am I being too loud? Yeah. Great. Okay. All right. Graham says you're fine. I'd say you're- Okay, good.

I was trying to find a happy- No, I- The whole show is loud. This is- People just like to tune in to get yelled at yeah we're a bunch of we're raucous boys yeah in the basement we're having fun yeah um we're not like ti with this corporate podcast we're the grassroots so ti took his daughter he takes his daughter yearly he says yeah when before his daughter's uh uh gynecological exam.

Oh, my God. And, you know, they pull up the hood, they check the dipstick. Well, if she's got a dipstick in there, she can't be a virgin. Wait a minute, how old is she before I make jokes like that? She's 45 years old. Yeah, we forget that he looks young. Do you think he asks the doctor what he knows about that? Yeah.

Can you name another one? Well, no. Is he whatever you like? Is that him as well? Yeah, he's whatever you like. But he's probably saying not whatever you like. Yeah, you cannot have. There's one thing you cannot have.

Yeah. Penises. He also, yeah. This led to an actual change in the law. Yeah. Penises. He also, yeah. This led to an actual change in the law. Yeah. Yeah. In New York, I think, where they said,

like, that's now against the law to take your kid to a gynecologist for that purpose. I mean, it should be. I mean, just imagine what that year is like in the house for his daughter. And then he just knows the next one's coming. But imagine having an idea so bad that it ends up changing a lot.

Yeah, right. Like an idea so terrible that the law needs to change around. Yeah, they're like, oh, we didn't know people thought to do this. Yeah, we're going to have to draft a brand new law. Make that illegal. I want to talk to that lawyer. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Who drafted the TI bill?

Yeah, I don't know. I don't know her age. No, I don't know either. Is she an adult who can just... I would think not. I would think she's probably not in her 20s. Yeah, look, I... I don't know about that.

I know nothing about that. That's what I know about that. You're canceled. Yeah. Yeah. Look, I... I don't know about that. I know nothing about that. That's what I know about that. You're canceled. Yeah. You're canceled, T.I. Is that true? Are we canceling him for this? Yeah, we're canceling.

Shit, okay. Yeah. Are you ready to be part of the cancel squad? You turn your key, Ennis. I was wondering what this key was for. So, first role

in a Mandy Moore movie. Not too yeah it was pretty it was pretty fun it was like you learn a lot there like uh if they don't if they like it they don't say anything that's a good rule to figure out where they you know the director obviously had a lot of other things to deal with and then you go oh okay so don't don't bother anybody just do it and then they'll be like stop stop stop stop stop stop right do it different they want you to change it but otherwise just just do it silence is good well i mean i mean or well say your lines but yeah but silence from them yeah yeah yeah yeah i uh i have very little experience in the acting world so i don't uh i don't know these things but that's how i parent i'm like i don't

give them positive reinforcement if i do something good i just nod and walk away yeah yeah yeah you're like okay moving on yeah yeah we gotta get our day yeah and that's a wrap on margo all right here it's a science rap on margo um and do you i'm tuckered already this is so much fun you guys oh good no we do have naps we have i'm nervous because it's a two hour you guys do like an hour and a half two hours it'll fly by it will it yeah has it been'm nervous because it's a two hour, you guys do like an hour and a half, two hours? It'll fly by. Will it? Yeah. Has it been? I feel like it's gone very well.

I hope. Yeah, it's gone very well. But I'm nervous. Were you ready for us to do our gotcha journalism? Yeah. Yeah, I was really thought there was going to be a lot. You were going to really expose things about me that I didn't want to expose. Yeah.

Yeah. Well. I have this idea for a test that you can do for your daughters or your sons. Oh, boy. No, no, no, no. Get your key. We're about to cancel. Yeah.

On air. And expeditiously. What? I was telling my brother that you were going to be on the show. You don't have to brag just because you have siblings. I mean, I earned them. Yeah. I told my brother you were going to be on the show and he's like oh i recognize that name and i said

he's on blind spot and i showed him your picture and he said oh yeah he's also on red oaks my other favorite show wow oh your brother sounds so cool and he was like i guess i'm the world's biggest Ennis Esmer fan. Oh, that's fantastic. What's your brother's name? I want to say Mark. Mark. Yeah.

Yeah. Mark, you sound really cool, Mark. I'll never listen. Well, no, he's just, you don't see him. He's right outside. Hey, Mark. Nice to meet you. Hi. That's usually what happens.

The first part of that is the usual level of notoriety I've gotten, which is like, I know that. Do you get that from people in public? Do they recognize you? They know that they know you from somewhere. It's more like I'm being identified. Yeah. Like, who are you? It doesn't necessarily come with a compliment or anything.

They just sort of say like, yes, from there. It happened. I was just at a matchstick coffee. Can we, yeah, I'd blow them up. Buzz market them. Uh,

they, someone was like, you're an actor, right? And I, I say, yeah. He's like,

where do I know you from? And I just told him that it's the worst. Cause I did the, I remember this happened to me once where I listed like 10 things and I was down to like Rolo chocolate ice cream cone commercial and he's like no no no uh how to deal that was the first time i didn't say how to deal but then this guy was like i don't want to do it i can't don't make me list stuff and then i listed three things and he finally he was like yeah that's the thing yeah okay i accept i really asked him not to

put me in it he was being very charming in the way he was doing it but was he was he was working yeah yeah and i had just put him through his paces in terms of uh what kind of soup they had that day so i felt like i owed you yeah yeah i was like list 10 soups you've had you've been in yeah right yeah what are the 10 soups you might have today no no i've never heard of it no Oh, yeah. Oligotani, that's it. That's what I know you, bro. I think my parents eat that. Yeah. That's really what it is. My brother's a big fan of that soup. Yeah, my brother loves that soup.

Also, by the way, I don't know if you ever had that, but has anybody come up to you and said that somebody else likes them? Oh, yeah, yeah. As a comedian or a performer, like, oh, my dad, my uncle, i had someone say uh recently oh i used to work at campus radio and we got so many people who would be like when they pitch their show they'd be like oh kind of like stop podcasting yourself and she was just like uh more people who want to do a talk radio show like stop podcasting yourself you know no, no topic. Just like guys being guys. Yeah, just like. Yeah, that's it. They have to really, really be charming to make that pitch.

Yeah, well. You know. And you guys obviously are, you know, the originators of this. Well, we certainly didn't have to pitch it. We just did it. Yeah, that's right. Right. Yeah.

I feel like when someone says my family member loves you guys or something, it's just not, it's not really a compliment. You know, it's just not, it's not really a compliment, you know, it's kind of, it's not, you know, hear that Mark, where do you go?

Well, it was more of an indictment of you, I guess. I guess it was. Yeah. I didn't mean it like that. I'm not the one on trial. No,

that's true. Give me your mallet. Um, I'm, I'm, I'm right in the middle of this shot here. Now you've been, uh,

you've been on more than one series. That's true. And, like, is that... It's great. It seems like it's great. Yeah. Because then you don't have... Well, you're working.

Yeah, you're working, and you also have the... Your dad gets off your back. You know this character, right? Yeah. Then you don't have to, like, you're not reinventing the wheel. If you were doing kind of a movie, and then another movie, and then another movie, you're inventing all the wheel. If you were doing kind of a movie and then another movie and then another movie, you're inventing all the things about the character every time. But, like, in a TV show, you do it once

and then get to, what, evolve the character? It's all good. It's all good stuff. What I'm saying is that you're going to reject movie offers now. It's only series. Yeah, that seems like, if you're suggesting that, I'd be like, oh, I'm just going to limit myself to TV work opportunities.

Yeah. I feel like I, like I would make the effort to create a new character. If it was, someone was coming with a movie off. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Yeah.

I'm trying to figure out how to make a light of your answer or your question, but not, you don't have to make light. You can be, you can make dark. I'm hurting his feelings. Real dark of it.

Yeah. No, I'm not in any position to say I want to do TV and not movies. I think whatever works there is. Um, like maybe movies just No, of course. I think whatever works for me. Maybe movies just like Eyebrow Ring only. Yeah. Yeah, it would be nice to really be just a departure from myself.

So full sleeve tattoos. Yeah. If I could heighten for a movie, that would be nice. Anything where they cool you up. How do they heighten? Do they put you on a rack? Ironically, they shorten everybody else. Weird.

Yeah, yeah, they'll do that. I mean, that is probably the easiest way. Right. Everyone's on there. Everyone's dorfing it. They shoot everything in perspective. Dorfing it is so, like, it's not just a few inches. You've got to go shinless.

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Which was the original title of Schindler's Ledge. Oh, boy. I knew there was going to be something around there. Turning it back to the bunker. And we're back in the bunker. But you don't hear about that when people ask about an actor's dream role. No one ever says, like, I want to play someone a foot and a half taller.

Yeah. I don't think I'd be an actor. I want to be in the Manute Ball story. Yeah, that'd be nice. Well, not so tall that you're going to die. May he rest in peace. No, you know, he he had trouble yeah yeah yeah yeah but like just for a roll well how tall are you guys seven seven yeah yeah oh there's a lot of uh sort of will look like forehead scrapes on the yeah yeah yeah this door and we also measure each other's eyes oh that's

the beginning and the very episode yeah is. Yeah. Is there much variance? Yeah, yeah, yeah. You compress a little from sitting so long. Right, right. And depending on mood. If I have my sun lamp, I'm a little bit taller. I'm also part sunflower. Oh, wow.

That's true. Which part? Deadass. It is the thickest flower yeah it is the sunflower yeah

you're right that's stem that's a thick stem yeah that is the thick thick stem the-ack yeah

all the spellings of that are you supposed to pronounce it with that yeah yeah yeah the-ack the-ack

like a like a drive time radio DJ yeah yeah yeah how else would you because if you just say thick you think that that's like

yeah the right spelling what about like uh Alan thick thick yeah right it's a little too alan thick yeah would you say it again he also rests in peace thick thick that sounds like you're not sure how thick yeah i like your way back it also sounds like you're saying sick with a lisp like a purposeful lisp. Yeah. Like I'm feeling well, I'm feeling sick. I feel a little bit sick today. Can't come into the office. Robin Thicke.

Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember that music video with T.I.? Yes. And the balloon spelled out Robin Thicke has a big dick. Did it really? It did? Yes, it did.

That's what I would do if I had a music video. song and video problematic but like did did we like at the time i think everybody was on board and then they did a like completely uncensored topless version yeah well not i mean the content of the song was very people were everything about it all of it was gross yeah it was all gross yeah it was definitely like a year where we were like, let's be gross. Yeah, let's talk about good girls and bad girls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And blurring lines. Yeah.

I was in Edinburgh the year that song came out. You don't have to brag that you went to Edinburgh. I do have to. I went, therefore I have to brag. But there was a marching band that would play that every day at around noon. They would march through the main kind of street and play that song. Was this part of the Fringe Festival? Yeah.

Okay, so it was a contained thing. It wasn't just regardless of what's going on. Yeah, but it was awful. Yeah, they couldn't switch to a... They couldn't have a couple of songs in their nose. It's actually kind of like I'm imagining it. It's kind of a good marching band song. Yeah.

It works as a marching band song. So is most of Marvin Gaye's catalog. No. Yeah. What's up? Yeah. We're just had, I'm just ripping into T.I.

No. Can I ask an actor-y question? I'm scared. And I'm going to ask a singer question okay great okay uh have you had to do like a lot of like sing the actor question have you had to do a lot of green screen acting um no it's disappointing no i mean mostly just in driving scenes i've never had to do like i've never had to do, I haven't done a lot of like visual effects post production stuff. I haven't been a lot of action-y sci-fi stuff.

Right. Okay. Or if I did, it was on a set. Yeah. So just like fake driving where they put the background in. Which is, I mean, if you think, you know, someone is going out and filming driving, filming while driving, and then you do the other part of it. That's dangerous It's weird

Holding the camera and trying to No I feel like you've taken me very literally And I just meant like The enterprise is filming while driving Enterprise rent-a-car? Yeah you rent They pick you up Yeah they do

They do Do they still exist? I don't know I think they do They're the official rental car of the NHL. Oh, are they really? Yeah. And a Star Trek.

I don't get it. They have so many official things of sports. I know. Am I supposed to believe any hockey players rent cars? Well, look, they fly to another town. How do they get from the airport to the arena? Got you there. Okay, team, we've rented 20 cars for you guys.

And you have to drive them yourself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's enterprise. It's a really oppressive contract they've signed. There's cabs. No, no, no. Their commercials are the ones where the guy comes to pick the woman up for her rental car

and she's at a family reunion pretending he's her boyfriend. I don't know. Oh, wow. I mean, that sounds right. It sounds that if it's not their commercial good pitch it's no i just thank you but i can only take partial credit for it because i came up with none of it but you remembered it that's true yeah and oh boy maybe this is my commercial idea yeah that would be if you were the commercial agency that just goes in and pitches a commercial you guys used to do years ago.

It's like the commercial you used to do years ago. They do do that. Yeah. Absolutely. It's like the Can You Hear Me Now guy, except it's the same guy, but it's a different company. Yeah, how about that, huh? He just jumped ship. Well, he wasn't an actor.

That's true. He was a Can You Hear Me Now guy. Yeah, it was on his resume. I like that that whole Enterprise commercial is like the plot of a bunch of 80s movies. Yeah. They've just got it and they've distilled it into its essence. Oh, yeah. Right?

Like, hey, come to this thing. Pretend you're my fiance. And then the lie unfolds. If you... It's nerds versus jocks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. If your very best friend all of a sudden was like, I need you to pretend to be a thing. Yeah.

Would you? Oh, yeah. You know, but I mean, I'll think of certain situations where if you're with like a female friend and they're like these, you know, pretend you're my boyfriend. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I mean? If someone's bothering you're like hubba hubba. You get down on one knee. Yeah, yeah.

You really should make a show of it. Like, what are you doing? No. I'm doing one of these classic food court proposals. This is happening like At a Manchu walk Like this guy at the Manchu walk won't stop hitting on me Can you just pretend you're my boyfriend I can pretend I'm more than that

Pretend? Darling what do you mean I've hired a mariachi band To play uh You know You can have whatever you like Joy to the world What's the one from Ghost? Unchained Melody?

yeah I was thinking Enchanted Chorus I love Enchanted Chorus that's top two three four Enchanted Chorus

on four everybody no no no no no no no but no not a lot of green screen I wish it'd be fun to it would be but I also think

it would be like crazy intimidating to have to imagine the thing happening and then react to it. Yeah. It seems harder than reacting to an actual person being there. Well, it is. I mean, the closest I've come to that is sometimes because of where the camera is, say you're reacting to the blind spot. We're looking at screens a lot, and they have graphics that they've generated. The phenomenal Ryan V. Hayes designs all the graphics.

Shout out. Hi, Ryan, how are you? And you've got to look at a screen, and you've kind of gotten used to reacting to, because they do the wide shots first, and then you're looking at all this, and oh, he's moving from here to here. Okay, we're on it. Whatever, hacking into something. Clicky clack. It's, yeah, he's moving from here to here. We got to, okay, we're on it. And the whatever, hacking into something.

Clicky clack. It's, yeah, I'm really clearly a real hacker. But then when they turned it around, sometimes the cameras where the TV would be or the screen or whatever. So you have to react to nothing. So it's kind of the closest thing. Yeah. And it can be, I mean, it's the job, I guess, but it's weird. It is weird

And be like yeah Like I remember There was one time on Red Oaks I had like a really You know I had to be really Kind of angry And I worked on this speech a lot

And when I got there that day I was supposed to be yelling At this woman at a pawn shop Because my ex-wife Had sold her engagement ring That I got her Seriously? Oh in the show

No in the show In the show Sorry Ask your brother Your brother would know He'd know He's gonna love this story And you know

We had the scene But then in my coverage of it He wanted to do it Down the barrel like that So I had to kind of act it Like with a camera in my face And then you know The person I was acting with

Was off to the side Just teeing up lines But they're still there You know it's a weird It's a weird It's great But there's just Little weird things like that

And is that something Like Did you learn that stuff in school? No, you have to figure that out as you go. As you go on set, you have to like, they're like, okay, just act into a camera. I bet they have like green screen classes and how to, I don't know, act like maybe they do. I mean, if they don't, let's start one. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I know nothing, but I'll be the promo guy yeah yeah a lot of that stuff they don't like i went to a theater school where it was you

know they didn't teach on camera acting at all right so i kind of just had to figure that out as you go and they is it like uh because this this was my my thought about acting on set is that you have to do all this work in front of uh a guy who's pushing a dolly and also just like somebody who's like at craft services and they're just like people kind of milling about yeah yeah is that christian male christian bale's yelling at the boy right yeah i don't know why that that video really blew him up he's on all these sets now just telling people we're done yeah we're done why why did you hire him? I love that that was on the movie Terminator.

He was so mad you ruined my scene in Terminator. Hey, he shows up every day no matter what. That's true. Is that what he said in the rant? No. I just put myself in his shoes.

He got very upset. He did. I mean, you do it. You have to do your job in front of an audience. Yeah. But I'm doing it to them. Right. I mean, I, you know, that's fair.

That's fair. They're being subjected to it. Yeah. Yeah. It's the same thing if you're doing something funny on a set and like, I'll still try to get the camera guys to laugh. You know what I mean? That's sort of like.

Yeah. Yeah. Even though they're not supposed to and it's bad, it's like not their job. You know, it hurts the show if they do that, but you still go for it. Yeah. You know what I mean? Especially that's, what's nice about something like working on a show.

I'm going to come right back to this question about working on a series. You get to know each other, you know, you finally, cause it's, there's so much going on. You don't really get a chance to like sit down and talk. So being able to make each other laugh, things like that, that's the glue. And then as you go on, you know, we had a camera guy on Blindspot,

P.R.E. Fortunato, fantastic camera guy. Fantastic name. Yeah, and just handsome. He runs marathons. He should be acting, you know what I mean? And I should be...

You should be running marathons. I should be valvallying the cars. I should be getting the rental cars for the hockey players. On the first day. Wait a minute. You're the act. You act.

You get behind the camera. And one guy's like, my dream. And then for me, it's just a nightmare. I also have to know, like, you're crushing my soul and my dream. And also, I have to know how to run this camera. Yeah. But he's like he's you know he's very he's not he's he he's very good at his job so being able to get him

to laugh like if you'd see like the camera jiggling a little bit because he's trying to hold it in you know and uh so that was always the the best part of that kind of stuff but i know you get used to working in front of people that are no one's really paying attention you know what i miss tv's bloopers and practical jokes yeah yeah those were the like on the show did you guys have around the christmas party like blooper reel we they show i mean to be honest with you it's like and this is not a good thing but uh maybe it speaks to the depth of my aspirations but being on a gag reel or a blooper reel was like the height of that was my goal that's why I got into this business like they do them at rap parties

and you know I've rarely felt any higher source of pride than making it onto a gag reel yeah it's really the greatest

it's uh I recently watched Smokey and the Bandit 2 and over the credits they have bloopers and it is so much fun didn't they

you should do that for every movie that right like that was the first movie that had or like with the smoky and the bandit or it might yeah it might have been they started to even creep into the actual plot of the movie wait they show laughing well that didn't they do that in anchorman too they threw in a smoky and the bandit outtake oh yeah because they're showing outtakes that's right the credits and they did that and uh imagine that for example after the end of schindler's list for example or sure at the end of they should do it at the end of every tv episode every episode of every television show they would

do it on fresh prints i remember that yeah yeah they would pop it out uh yeah absolutely they should which fresh prints oh it's bellaire the one of be-Air. Oh, yes. Sorry, TFP. We call it TFP. Right. That was back before people were really... To FOBA. ...acronymizing TV titles. Acronymizing. Nice. T-F-B-O-B-A. T-F-B-O-B-A.

Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever done any green screen stuff or any... Yeah, I was in The Avengers. I had to give Thanos a bong. They cut it out, though. They cut it out because they were like, oh, no. This will ruin his image.

He was a big pop star at that time, yeah. So that would have been a bad look for him. What was Thanos' hit? Thanos' hit? Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy, I miss you like jewels. There you go. Nice.

You did a green screen. Did you do a green screen? What was that thing where you had to be... Where I was a talking vagina? Yeah. But I didn't have to do... What was that thing where... I didn't have to...

Like, they just filmed my face and then cut out my mouth. I can't tell if you're serious. This is true. You played a talking vagina? Yeah, it was in an ad for the... You took a role from a woman, then, is what you're saying. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. It was down to me and a real talking vagina yeah it was for in an ad for the role from a woman that is what you're saying yeah yeah yeah yeah it was down to me and a real talking vagina and uh i got it and trying to promote this new legislation the ti legislation right yeah right it was dad tries to it was a uh

waxing uh place right and uh and so yeah they but they just filmed my face and then cut out my mouth and superimposed it. I understand. Yeah, yeah. It never aired, did it? God, no. I can't imagine why. I think that maybe the ad company that did it got in trouble or something. I don't know.

Stick to the rental car pickup. I'd like to see the outtakes for that. They were all outtakes. Yeah, it was. There was no script. see the outtakes for that. They were all outtakes. Yeah, it was. There was no script. There were no intakes. Yeah. Yeah.

The whole world of acting is like, I've gone on auditions. Yeah. I have never booked anything. Okay. Because I don't know

how to act. Right. Except for the vagina monologue. Yeah, except for that. But I didn't have to audition for that. Well, that's what got

you the audition for the talking vagina because you did a your own version of the vagina monologue. You were radiant in that, by the that. But I didn't have to audition for that. Well, that's what got you the audition for the Talking Vagina, because you did your own version of the Vagina Monologue. Yeah. You were radiant in that, by the way. Thank you.

That's a word that wasn't used by a lot of the critics. Right. Yeah. Dewey. You were dewey. Boy, it's so hot in here. Yeah. Let me get some air.

They were different. It wasn't Eve Ensler's Vagina Monologue. It was different. No, no, no. It was different. It was also called Vagina Monologue. Yeah. Vagina Monologue. Yeah. Yeah. Ensler's. It was different. It was also, it was called vagina. Yeah. Vagina.

Yeah. That was illegal. That was me sidestepping. It was parody law. But also you didn't, you weren't sure what the real word was. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I know now. Yeah. Well, yeah. From the gig you got. Yeah. You were like,

Oh, that's so, you originally wrote it as the vagina monologue. Yeah. Then your older brother was like, no, idiot, it's a vagina. Yeah. And then you put that in the show. Yeah.

That was funny. I can't believe you guys both saw it. Oh, it was phenomenal. I streamed it. They were showing it at the Scotiabank Cineplex. You know, like they do with Stratford. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The opera.

Yeah. Go see a play in a movie theater. Why not? So you were saying you don't like auditioning? No, no, I'm bad at it. The opera. Yeah. Go see a play in a movie theater. But so you were saying you don't, I mean, you were saying you don't, you don't like, you don't like auditioning or. No, no, I'm bad at it. Nobody does. No, no.

I liked it fine. I was very bad at it. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like I didn't mind going in and like, here's my take on the one line that I would be saying in this, uh, whatever. Yeah. And, uh, but I, uh, obviously I was, it was bad at it.

Never landed anything. But, uh, it's an intimidating thing to do all the time it's true uh auditioning i had an audition earlier today you never know you really never know and there's no like you just they're you know they're not supposed to tell you so it's just designed to be whatever you're projecting however you hear whatever your insecurities are they're all just going to come out right like i there was a cartoon audition and i have no idea and every single like it was like all right well we'll see you we'll uh because i'm i was moving to california

and they were like uh well if you're ever in la let us know and i was like well wait what does that mean you know in my head i'm like what do you mean so let you know so i didn't get it probably because you're not you would say something but maybe you have to say that because if you say, because you're recording this, so it's not, then they'll know that you tipped me off, but oh wait, but what if I'm, you know what I mean? So I get confident, which scares me. You're projecting your insecurities. I mean, it doesn't seem like you have any. No.

Yeah, that's true. Wait, what the hell is that supposed to mean? Let's count them down. What are your top five insecurities? Number five. Well, being put on the spot. Number four. Countdowns.

Number three. Remembering what I said just now. Number two. Remembering what I said just now. And number one. Being put on the spot. There you go. Nice.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Guys, we learned everything we need to know about NS. That's enough. Watch Blindspot. Was it the last season started? We just shot the last season. The final season will air sometime, I think, in the spring or summer of 2020 on NBC and CTV in North America.

Well. Net. Work. Television. Hey. Not too shabby. on NBC and CTV in North America. Well, network television. Hey. Not too shabby. No, it stands for National Broadcasting Corporation. Did I get it wrong two times in a row?

It's not not too shabby. And it's not network television. It's not boot shabby. Here's what's going on with me. I've had a Disney week. Oh. Oh, yes. That's right

We finally went to see Hakuna Matata Thank you and to you We finally went to see Frozen 2 Oh yes We're going to take

Both kids But My youngest daughter Is just turning three And she has never been To a movie theater And She might not make it

Through it So we decided to take The oldest daughter But she did go see The Irishman She did see the She made it through that. So we decided to take the oldest daughter first. But she did go see The Irishman. She did see The Irishman. She made it through that. Yeah.

She was like, I don't know. Not their best work. I didn't like the CGI. I prefer Casino. She made it through, but she like, you know. Yeah. She complained the whole time. Just because she has to file a review at the end of it.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah. She works for Ain't It Cool News. Yeah, that's true. She works for Ain't It Cool News. Poppy's Reviews on Ain't It Cool News. So we went to see that, and it was maybe the worst review Margot's ever given a movie. Really? Which was, I liked it, but it wasn't as good as the first one.

Yeah. Ouch. She's never said she did anything other than love what she just saw she's like a peter travers yeah wow yeah young peter yeah it was a it was a vision yeah transcends the genre yeah is there a kid movie reviewer there's gotta be i feel like there was a famous one that was on talk shows, like just free Twitter, maybe like it would go review. They come on the show and like talk about it. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like Leno or something like that. I feel like it's something Ellen would have on. Yeah. Yeah. Kid movie reviews. Not bad.

So yeah, that was the, that was the, the sort of little, uh, amuse bouche. And then a few days later we went to disney on ice oh nice now that's like a jukebox kind of a thing where they it's all it's a review all the carry it's a review yeah do you see something different every night no it's the same i i mean i presume it's the same i actually didn't go on setlist.fm to see to see if it's the same every night uh no it is so see if it's the same every night uh no it is so like uh yeah it's so scripted in in of course it is yeah but because you need to know what skaters coming out now that's true but so you go to this arena and there's thousands of children and from the moment you get in they're trying to sell you disney stuff and it's like doesn't seem like disney surprising but like so such expensive stuff

like margo was so mad that we wouldn't buy her a light up wand oh yeah those light up wands man especially in a dark arena yeah you see all the other kids that have them not very many kids got them because they were 45 dollars that's that's that is like the markup on those because you can get them at the dollar store yeah a dollar yeah that was like when we i don't know i'm i assume we're in the same wheelhouse age-wise but that's like the the first con for kids is like something that lights up yes and then you can set it at whatever price and you think it's magical and then it's the and especially if you see another kid having fun with it. And you did see it.

You got a light-up wand. There were a few. And there was like a Mickey one, there was a Frozen one, there was a Moana one. But you never saw, like all the kids who had them were only children. Like I could see a parent being like okay yeah it's a special night i'll get you one but no one's being like i'm getting two for both my kids you can pass it around yeah yeah yeah the uh but yeah like oh man that's that's tales oldest time

yeah yeah the beauty and the beast yeah but it's got like they had like you know uh disney branded snow cones and and there you still had your the regular like hot dog stands and popcorn stands they shaped it into a mickey ears no the regular ones the regular stuff was like like the actual wieners yeah yeah manipulated them into the outline of mickey's head oh your way through it yeah it's probably got mouse in it but actually like the the actual like permanent snack stands had reasonably priced food yeah and so like we got a nine dollar plate of nachos and then walked past and the one thing we we bent on was we let the girls buy a 25 dollar thing of cotton candy yeah was that shaped like

anybody came with a crown oh okay came with a crown with with mouse ears and oh yeah they have to pass that around you cut in half it was literally like you eat the cotton candy while you wear the crown and then you switch. Yeah. That's how they do it in the royal family too. Yep. Yep. Pass the crown around while other people eat. Can I ask you something?

You have two kids. Yep. Graham, do you have any children yourself? No. I don't have any myself. I always wonder about this with gifts. How old are your daughters? One is just turning three.

Is this doxing? Does this count as doxing? Yeah, I guess so. It's just turning three and the other just turned five. Now, when you're getting one of them something, usually, if it's not like this and same markup, do you have to get them both the same toy or GIF, or is it like

they can have a different thing? Do they figure out that, hey, we can share and double the output? uh no they have not figured that out yeah well um like yeah so we're we have figured um if it's something little we'll get two of it right if uh it's like we got them the same like dress a couple times but mostly it's just fights. They just fight all the time. Right. Or the worst, whatever you do, you can't win. If you go to McDonald's and you get happy meals,

the worst is if they don't come with the same toy. I wouldn't think that would be such a score. You could, I mean, they're, it's, they're three and five. They haven't figured out.

Pull your resource. They haven't figured out pooling yet. No, they're fighting. They're fighting all the time. 10 is when you figure out pooling resources. Yeah. Yeah.

It'll be, that'll be great. Yeah. And like, even we're like, we're, we just had a birthday party for the three-year-old. It's not three yet. So. She doesn't, but she does, she cares. She doesn't care. No, she, we, we told her your real birthday's later.

We might have a, you know, you might get another present on your actual birthday, but we're doing the party now because your birthday is Christmas Eve. And she was like, I don't want that second party. Sure, fine. All right, done. What a well-adjusted kid. But we gave her some presents, and then we made sure that the older one got a present that day as well. Oh, right.

So, like, no drama. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was something my that day as well. Right. So like no drama. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So something my parents would never do. No, no, I definitely did not get a present on my brother's birthday.

See, I was, I was the only child. So when we would get presents for a birthday party, I was invited to, I also got something. Yeah. Yeah.

What a great scam. And it's a, uh, it's a, it's an expectation that haunts me to this day. Yeah. So where are the presents for me? Yeah. So if you buy a present for somebody, I'll also end up getting myself something.

Hey, Ennis, I'm having kind of a housewarming thing. I don't have a house. Yeah. I don't get a new house. I just moved into a house. Yeah. What does that have to do with me? What are you giving out?

What's the loop bag sitch? So we go to this thing and we sit down. What's the loot bag sitch? We sit down in our seats and the skating is amazing. All the like. I should hope so. All the like choreographed stuff. They did a, they started with Beauty and the Beast.

They had Toy Story. Like that's, Toy Story was the only one that didn't have a choreographed music thing. Right. They just had stunts. Cool. And they did Moana, and Frozen was the finale. And so all the skating stuff was great. Everything else was trash.

All the plot stuff, like, we're trying to find tinkerbell right and there's these two hosts that come out and they're like the like work in the crowd classic smiling disney type yeah like the work of the disney store yeah yeah exactly like my favorite kind of music is rock and roll does a little air guitar little kicks in there oh really I like heavy metal no you don't and they were so

scripted and so like we Abby and I looked at each other we thought they were lip syncing

like they're but they might have been is that not I was gonna ask cause they do that sometimes in these live reviews it seemed like

so to tape it was and their voices were so perfect, but then occasionally, like, the little bit of... They would, like, burp or something? No, they would, like, react to something a kid was doing, or they would... Shut up, kid!

Yeah, shut up, kid! I can't miss my cue! Yeah! I don't have time for this adorable moment! Or move! They would do something that was, like, kind of unpredictable in terms of timing, and their voice would still be good like they had you know when uh someone brings a beach ball to a concert that was part of the show is like let's all push this beach ball around yeah so it's like teaching kids what concerts yeah it was like they did the wave they

showed everyone how to do the way yeah oh wow um that when i was a kid i didn't uh i didn't care for the the mixing of the different characters yeah this was going oh yeah like is that something you had to explain yeah because it's like why is why is why is toy story or whatever yeah no we did not have to explain that was that wasn't like a can you can we swear what's yeah yeah it wasn't like a mind fuck for them yeah oh no it was for the kids but we wouldn't explain it they're right they're trapped in a mind prison yeah they're like figure it's just yeah what's real dad hugging their knees and shaking yeah these princesses don't know each other but it like as a kid i it's like i don't care that you're the parent company owns all this intellectual property and therefore

you were saying intellectual property as a kid yeah how old were you when you knew about IP my parents put me in a very they were contract lawyers so yeah a lot of

it was great it ended at 10 o'clock. The kids fell asleep before we were out of the parking lot. And then we had to carry them into their beds. Uh, I envy that of kids more than anything is to be able to just sleep and sleep quickly and sleep through anything. Yeah. Well, there was somebody who's going to carry you to bed.

I mean, that's a big part of it. Yeah. I don't need the carrying, but it'd be nice. It'd be nice to fall asleep somewhere and then wake up in bed, tucked in, and changed, possibly. Nice. Not diapers. No, but in your Jimmy Jans. Yeah, just in something fresh, yeah.

And if they could brush my teeth for me, too, that'd be great. What's going on with you, Graham? What's going on with you, Graham? Well, this past weekend, I did the 24 Hours of Stand-Up show at the Havana. Yes, you did. Yeah, yeah. For the benefit of the Stephen Lewis Foundation. This is your first time doing it?

Yes. Okay, cool. So, yeah. What happened? What was it? What is it? It's literally, I was on stage at the same time Pat thornton in toronto was on stage doing his 24 did he originate this concept or he did yeah yeah he's he's done it for years he did it for years and then he took i think six years off and then this was his first year back

and i was able to uh thanks to uh alistair cook who runs the havana theater it was open the same time and he was like would you do it at the same time as pat because we had floated the idea of doing a 24 hour show just over the over time and uh yeah and so like so i was on stage for 24 hours i had comedians come down and write jokes to kind of keep the thing going. And, like, of course, you should obviously, like, sleep leading up

to it, but I didn't sleep well the night before, and also you're too excited. Too much adrenaline. You're too freaked out about it. Like, your body's, like, aware of what you're about to do and is misfiring all these conflicting things. Yeah.

And also I had no idea how it was going to go because it was my first time doing it. So my big worry was that there would be stretches where there was nobody there or that there would be somebody weird there. And both of those things happen. Oh, okay. So it started at what time? It started at 8 p.m. that there would be somebody weird there. And both of those things happen. Oh, okay. So, so, so it started at what time? It started at 8 PM,

but there were, you were worried. Oh man, that's tough. That's such a tough time to start. Cause you're going to be, it's four. So soon,

so soon it's 4 AM. Yes. Like you're right into that. Yeah. You're right into it. Absolutely. And then, but there were never stretches where there were,

there was always other comedians there there was always comedians there yeah but there was uh but the the stretch that i was most worried about was like gonna be i assumed it was gonna be the very early morning stretch like kind of one to six yeah somewhere in there like i knew people would kind of come in after like a lot of people were like i'm going out and then I'm going to come to the show. So I knew like 2 and 3 in the morning there'd be people there, but I thought, you know, like 5 a.m. was kind of what

was the hour that I was like, it's going to be death. And it was exactly as I had predicted it. There was nobody there except one weird guy. Weird in what way? Can we discuss it? He was a guy he kind of, he showed up guy. Weird in what way? Can we discuss it? He, uh, he was a guy,

he kind of, he showed up, uh, by himself and he'd been there for quite a few hours. Okay. And then, uh, he started adding suggestions.

He took a notepad off of the table and started adding his own suggestions. I'm not seeing the problem. To the bowl. Uh, but all of his suggestions were about frosted flakes. There was a weird joke. Were they jokes that he fleshed out jokes? They were kind of like jokes

but they were all about Frosted Flakes. Were they just about the cereal? Were they about Tony the Tiger? They were also about Tony the Tiger. Right. Yeah. Right. He's a fan of Frosted Flakes.

And so Ben, your job is then, like, you can, you don't have to read everything that's written down for you, but you also don't, like, you're doing stand-up, you can react to the things. You're not just a machine that's reading notes. No, and so, like, I, you know, but he was just, like, he was just kind of this odd guy. He was a great audience member, but just, it was, he was like, well, I'm the only guy here.

I guess I'm also participating in the thing. Was there a bar at this establishment? We had a bar in the theater. We had a temporary liquor license. Okay, so you got a license. Yeah, but it was cut off at midnight. Oh, okay. Yeah, so I figured anybody that was coming in at 3 or 4 was

like heavy drinking somewhere else. Yeah, I'm trying to think of like a way to like make it more of a draw in that pocket of time. Yeah. As if, you know, like in Toronto you could get like a license to be open till 4 or 5 o'clock or something like that. Sure. I don't know if you could, but I'm trying to think like, do you advertise it as an after

hours club for that? You know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you serve like breakfast sandwiches. I want to go. Not a bad idea.

So eight to 10, let's say. At the very beginning. At the very beginning. Yeah. How was that? Easy peasy. Were you doing jokes other people had written or were you like, oh, I would like to just like. I did an hour of just my own joke okay and then we started into the uh written jokes and

like uh between kind of like eight and midnight was a lot of riffing and then uh as it kind of went on these weird threads would start to form. Like somebody would write a joke. It would get a big laugh. So then everybody else would write a joke in that same theme. And then these long threads would start to emerge. Yeah. And it was funny.

Like if you were there for that stretch, if you were there for that four-hour block block you would know exactly how you came to that yeah but then when the writers switched over yeah there would be some jokes left over because kind of as the writer switched over the audience also kind of switched over yeah and so there would be jokes left over from these crazy threads that didn't make any sense to the new audience yeah there was a when i was there for two hours and the two threads i remember were uh a james bond jeans bond yeah which is james bond in jeans it was james bond like who was like yeah very into denim yeah yeah and there would be you know 50 jokes about that yeah and the other one was a goth version of punk called goth goth and it was different by marilyn manson about weird things you're doing to justin to just to dimmer like yeah yeah that's great and then um yeah so like

uh and then some things would survive past writers like stuff would just get held over because it was so much fun and like a writer had heard about this thing. And so they brought the thread back. So there was one, there was one writer, Jacob Samuel, who wrote a bit. And I asked him about it off from the stage that his mom had heard a comedian on CBC Radio.

And she said, this is my favorite new comedian. His name is Baby Tobias. And there is no comedian called Baby Tobias. There is a comedian named Joey Elias. And that's who she had heard. But she thought it was Baby Tobias. So then it was hours upon hours of jokes about this comedian who's a baby named Baby Tobias. Right, right.

And that went on, I think, for like at least eight hours, Baby Tobias jokes. Mentally and physically, what were the biggest challenges? I think like that it was that stretch, that like crazy four to six in the morning stretch, think like that it was that stretch that like crazy four to six in the morning stretch because they felt like you my head was swimming uh because uh it had been at that point uh almost 12 hours you know and i hadn't seen sunlight or seen outside so it was like being in the like the hull of a ship you did keep asking people when i was there like what's it like outside what's it like out there uh but yeah it felt like um like i was just like kind of floating in space like i was just saying these things because there was no audience there were people watching at home on the live stream but there was nobody in the room right so it's just the writers

and i yeah and and this guy frosted flakes uh writing his was just it's just the writers and I. Yeah. And this guy, Frosted Flakes, writing his. He's just a fan of things that last 24 hours. Yeah. Maybe. He's had a lot of telephones and fundraising, just different kinds of things. Those rare flowers that bloom. Yeah. Yeah.

Right. He loves watching cicadas. Yeah. He loves that musical about the town that only exists for yeah right

once every thousand years he watched that happy video that Pharrell made over and over again at home he was happy about that because he didn't have to leave the house

but yeah it was that was the weirdest stretch break a dune break a dune I was going to say Xanadu

but yeah break a dune yeah I mean it was a lot of fun and then it was also just standing for 24 hours Break a dune. Break a dune. I was going to say Xanadu, but yeah, break a dune. Yeah, I mean, it was a lot of fun. And then it was also just standing for 24 hours. You can't sit? I did. Occasionally, I would sit on a stool for a couple.

No, no naps. No? Just bathroom breaks. It had to be just you. Were other people performing at any point, like with you? Okay, so those are the parameters. And people would bring snacks. Yeah, people would come in they'd bring coffee they're running running bit about the milk the chocolate milk that's expiring on your table yeah yeah but i assume though those were all alicia talking about that because she seemed to really care about people

eating healthy yeah yeah yeah and it was uh it was very, yeah, it was, it was a nice, kind of this like nice feeling of community and it was, it was fun to do and we raised the goal as far as I know.

We raised the goal amount that we had hoped for and... Ten bucks. Ten bucks. Ten dollars. Ten Americans. Oh boy.

Yeah. It just seems like you could have Set a higher goal You probably would have Nah but we didn't want to We didn't want to fail Yeah That would suck

To not raise 10 bucks Yeah That's true Yeah you say Yeah then anything's a surprise Yeah exactly You just hit 10 Was it at the

24 hour mark Or was it like earlier And then Did we hit 10 Yeah It was right at the 24 hour mark Oh okay So you couldn't

Nobody donated Alright guys let's walk away So you couldn't you couldn't nobody donated. All right, guys, let's walk away. So you got one donation. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, some rich guy. I've just heard about you on the radio.

Yeah, S. McDuck anyways. Yeah, but it was it was a lot of fun and then you know, then at like hour

26 or whatever when it because you can't just like go and sleep. Like your body's doesn't know what's going on anymore. It's just trying to like keep you awake. So you can't just go to bed. So, but you're also at hour 26, 27. You're, you're not making nothing make sense anymore. Yeah.

Um, you, you walked home. Nothing makes sense anymore. You walked home. I went home, but I couldn't sleep. Have you slept since? Yeah. You were also headlining a Yuck Yucks that weekend. I finished at 8 o'clock and then had to make the late show. I have my regular show every Monday at the Havana.

I did that. This was Saturday to sunday last week uh saturday friday to saturday and yeah oh yeah i had sunday off and then back at it on monday oh my god just sunday to just completely just fall apart as a human yeah yeah yeah just pick myself back up out you go who stayed did they like how how long did the writer helping you the longest stay i think uh there were four hour shifts right yeah okay multiple yeah one i think abdul aziz past guest was there for nine hours oh wow okay that's amazing where was the sign up sheet for this uh i just put out a general call and i asked you if you wanted to come down Yeah I said yeah But I didn't get like a timing

Oh okay Didn't you have to like be there for two hours To prove your solidarity before you could get onto the list That's true Yeah It was very much like Fight Club You had to stand outside on the step And then you had to be invited in

Would you change anything My first thought about all this is like why not start at noon or four or something so that at least you got like a lot of your uh time it's just like it's so early in the process to come into that crazy part of it you know you know what you do it your way when you do 24 hours oh you're right though like why give me back my mallet. No, but I'm curious. Was it by design? Like, did you try?

Okay, let me phrase it in a more open way. What made you decide on starting at 8 p.m.? Just because that's how a normal show would go? Just because, yeah, I think that was how we could line up that myself and Pat could both start at the same time. Did he start at 11? He started at 11. Oh, okay, there you go. Why would he do that? Well, I think.

To accommodate you, I guess. 11 to 11. But I think for him then, 11 to like that first chunk is, that first kind of six hours just breezes by. Well, when I was there, it was like, it did not feel like hours. It felt like it was like a quick.

Yeah, it was like, it was not like sitting through the irishman oh which was not as good as the first one right that's what your daughter's was not as good as the first irishman irishman too yeah uh didn't i saw netflix has it like they've episodified it oh really they did really yeah they're likeified it. Oh, really? They did, really? Yeah, they're like, watch it as a miniseries. They did that with Hateful Eight, which I haven't seen, but apparently there's like a longer version that they broke into four episodes. This is not a great story.

No, but I believe it, especially with that Hateful Eight, it was long. Yeah. And I saw it in the theater, and there was an intermission in the theater, and I was like, this is still very very very good. This is what made me nervous about being a guest on a two hour podcast. Too long? Don't go on TIs. They're like three four hours. Really?

Actually? It is not expeditious at all. It's laborious. I'm always nervous about it. That's the thing keeping, even at home, you can watch Irishman at home, but it seems like such a grueling enterprise. Yeah. Three and a half hours, you have to really want to watch something.

If you sit down at 7.30, you're done at 11. Yeah. And no one's not pausing it. Yeah. There's no way. That's true. This is why I can't handle most theater things like that that just so long yeah something you know if something's over an hour and it doesn't have an intermission

that's nuts but like every or you can't or it's not just accepted that you can leave because in plays you can't just leave but like i think every live show uh should be an hour i think like honestly yeah yeah like even if it's a... They got some nerve with these three-hour plays. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, Abby,

I went to visit her when she was living in Switzerland once and we went to see Spider-Man, the original, the original Tobey Maguire.

Oh, yeah. Oh, I thought you meant like the... Yeah, Turn Off the Dark. Turn Off the Dark. No, no, 2002 movie,

Spider-Man, and there was an intermission in like a two-hour movie. is this in switzerland that is classy yeah they do everything right over there they're very civilized and you go you have your fondue intermission right where you have yeah because that was the problem was people were bringing their fondue into the yeah yeah yeah kind of got an apres ski vibe

um yeah hot plates. Yeah, I know. It's a fire hazard. Should we move on to a bit of business? Yeah, man. Yeah. Well, one thing I like

a lot about doing this podcast is knowing that my friend Graham will always be by my side and will never leave me for another dimension.

Isn't that right, Graham? Graham! Oh, man. Bad news. What is it? Real bad news. I slipped into the netherworld again. Oh, boy.

I'd like to slip into your netherworld. You know what I'm saying? I get what you're saying. That translates down here. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Hubba hubba. Hey, J-Bud.

In your world, do we have the hots for each other? Yeah. Hubba hubba. Ding, ding. Oh, good. Okay. Well, then this is perfectly above board. Anyway.

Well, now that we've got that out of the way, Squarespace. It's Squarespace time. Stop Podcasting is sponsored. Squarespace. It's Squarespace time. Stop Podcasting is sponsored by Squarespace. And here's some things you can do with Squarespace. It's a website machine.

Oh, yeah. We don't have those here. We still mimeographs. Describe it. We mostly hand out flyers and the mimeograph machine is how we make those flyers.

We don't have the internet yet. What I'm saying is, what's a mimeograph? Oh, like a little, an early version of a photocopier. Hmm. And I don't want to get hung up on this. Can I have the word origin?

I believe it's Dutch. Okay. Any alternate pronunciations? Mimeograph. Okay. All right. I'm ready. M-I-M-E-O-G-R-A-double-F.

Correct. Correct. Ding. Oh, wait, ding is when you get it wrong. Triple F. Well, here's some things you can do with Squarespace. You can create a beautiful website to showcase your work, blog or publish content, announce an upcoming project or event or special project, and more.

And Squarespace does this by giving you beautiful customizable templates created by world-class designers what kind of designers you got there in the netherworld uh real local real provincial designers uh nothing to speak of in the world-class division uh really uh just uh just a bunch of schmucks schmucks really oh boy um have you ever seen dinner for schmucks uh yes um that exists down here that does yeah yeah luckily dinner for schmucks is considered a great movie down there yes yes that and. That and Dan in Real Life. Those are the two biggest films. Oh, just the Corellaverse.

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And then we We share them here On this great podcast And we always like To start with the guest Ennis Would you Would you lead the charge

I mean this is not I tried I really tried But I couldn't Oh he's being modest All we ask Is that you try Yeah

Okay There are no rules Well so this is where When I got you guys I brought croissants with me this morning. Delicious. I went to this wonderful

matchstick coffee shop. So these are things I overheard earlier today. Okay. Okay? So I can't, I mean, I was just trying to overhear. Yeah.

And that's the whole point. Absolutely. It seems weird because I feel like good overhearing is like when you get an idea in the shower, it kind of presents itself

to you when you're not doing it deliberately. So I think this was a little bit tough. Yes. So here we go. You have your whole life to draw on, though. If you can think of something that happened 10 years ago.

I tried, but I really couldn't. It's a tough thing to, because I'm so against that notion. This was very against my instinct. I'm always trying to ignore other people because I don't want to get in their business. Well, you know what?

I can only apologize. I'm waiting though. Is there, is there coming? That's all I can do. Can I tell you something about my friend, my friend Yanni, bless him.

He's a maniac. He, just the concept of, of, of overhearing. He won't take a phone call if he's in public because he doesn't like when other people do it because he can't eavesdrop on the full conversation oh which is the most like obscure kind of complaint i've ever heard of that thing you know usually he's and so he won't take

a call to out of kindness for people because he resents when other people do it, so he won't do it himself. Why wouldn't he just do a speakerphone? Well, I mean, that's... Oh, right, so then he can hold it out. So everyone can enjoy the whole time. Because he also doesn't want to draw attention to himself. It is a very kind of deconstructionist... Classic Yanni. Yeah, Yanni's begun that. Unless it's an emergency, I won't take a phone call in public either. But will you

go outside? Yeah, I will. I'll remove myself from whatever because I cannot stand that people do it but sure yeah sure i like it when people do it and they just hold the phone not to their ear yeah hold it and also it's a video chat so they're just filming up into the sky oh wait a second you won't take a phone call in public no he's what about just like talking to somebody isn't the same as talking to somebody, because then you can hear the whole thing. Right.

Okay. Just like your friend. I definitely like my demeanor changes when I have to take a phone call. Like, ha ha ha ha. Okay. I seriously have to talk to this person right now. Right.

So are you always getting really dire phone calls? No, but it's like, ah, something. It's, I, I feel like I go back to being the same 11 year old-old kid whose sisters are listening in on the other line. They are.

Big sister. Yeah. Big sister. So you overheard things at the coffee shop. So this was at the coffee shop today. These two women were sitting down. Then they get up. And one of them says, so good to see you.

And then the other one says, you too, take care. And then they hugged and then i couldn't hear the rest of what they were saying but then they they came over to where you could put your dirty dishes and then one of them said i know i'm so excited i seriously can't wait and then the other one left so they were excited to see each other again they had been they had been hanging out yeah and then they were just like excited. They were able to see each other. For the next time. Yeah.

Fun. Yeah. It was so much fun that first time. Yeah. Yeah. And then a staff member came out from the back

and was like, what do you want done with these plates to one of the other staff members? And then I just, I couldn't make out the answer

to that question. Well, you tried. You tried. Yeah. What we need is the most complete transcript of your copy. I was just sitting there trying to write down as much as I could. But it was bustling. It was really bustling.

It's that time of year. Hustle and bustle. The most wonderful time of year. And then there was one where a guy was like, what is that guy doing? And then his friend goes what is he just staring at us and then and then a third friend or three of them he's like excuse me what are you what are you writing down are you an actor name all the things you've done in a row that i can and then this like security guard was like

all right come on let's let's go coffee shop has a security yeah well he was just there having coffee but yeah it was a coincidence he's and then he was like all right come on buddy let's go you can't just eavesdrop on people and he just ushered you out yeah and then and then i was like what what crime what law am i breaking and then he he's like, we'll come up with something. Yeah. He dropped a bag of powder on the ground. Oh, look what you dropped. No, he was going to write a law or whatever.

Oh, he was going to. The TI clause. Anyway, sorry for ruining that. Not at all. That time tested segment. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I do. All right. Here we go uh let's see so here's what i'm talking about uh this isn't even really an overheard this is something a child said to me

oh but it wasn't my it can be things that people say to you sure oh come on at the rules and i got one okay okay go ahead no no i'll do. Okay. And we'll just cut out your. So we were, I go in a few days a week. Parents are allowed to stay in. My daughter's in kindergarten. When you drop them off, drop your kids off. You can choose to stay for 15 minutes and read books. And out loud to the kids. Yeah, not just by yourself.

Red dragon. Oh, okay. This pelican doesn't seem all that brief. And so I was reading. In 15 minutes, I try not to read very many books because the kids will just come up and be like, read this one, and it's four pages long, and it's just like facts about spiders yeah yeah yeah um so i'll try to like do a longer book if i can and i was reading

this one that was a berenstain bears book about um holding hands at the mall just so you don't get lost always hold your parents hands and. And they went. Still do. The dad ended up getting lost and they found him in the lost and found and they got a, or in the like, where children go when they're lost. Yeah. And they.

Lost and found. Yeah. Or help desk. And they gave him a lollipop. And then on the last page, it's like, and brother got a lollipop. He chose a red one.

Sister chose an orange one. And mother chose a green one. And I was like, okay, well, there's still a couple more minutes before this reading session is over. And I don't want to pick another book. So I started asking the kids questions. And I was like, hey, what color lollipop is your favorite? And some of them raised their hands. Some of them just shouted out red.

Oh, I like green. And then I went around to all of them raised their hands some of them just shouted out red oh uh i like green and then i went around to all of them who wanted to answer and then i turned the page and one other girl who was sitting there was like you didn't ask me and i said oh okay uh what's your favorite lollipop color and she said i don't really like lollipops oh but she did that all that on purpose what a rope-a-dope she played me yeah and you know what you walked right into it yeah i bet you wanted a lollipop after that no she doesn't really like them yeah oh man i don't really like lollipops but thanks for coming out what a cool move i know yeah i was really the going for the handshake and then yeah yeah yeah she negged me Oh, man. I don't really like lollipops, but thanks for coming out. What a cool move. I know.

How old are these kids? Yeah, I was really going for the handshake. Yeah. Doing her hair. She negged me. These are five-year-olds. Yeah. You'd be pretty hot if you didn't have a lollipop.

For me? Yeah. Do you? You said you came up with one? Oh, yeah. Okay. So I've been learning. I live in Toronto where we have Uber and Lyft. And you don't have that here in Vancouver.

No, no. And it's been a little bit of an adjustment. I've been here for a few days working. And I called a cab. Dave, you ended up giving me a ride home because I called a cab company. And they were like, oh, it'll be there in 10 minutes. I was like, oh yeah, right. Remember when a cab would take 10 minutes?

Usually now it's like, don't order an Uber until you're ready to go because they won't wait and they'll charge you. So 18 minutes later, the cab had not come. And then you generously offered me a ride home. But then I called that same company the next day because I wanted to get back to work. And then I said,

hey, how long is it going to be? And then he said um it'll be around 10 minutes and i was like okay i'm just just just to clarify because uh it's a 15 minute walk but a five minute drive so if it's going to take more than 10 minutes i'll just walk because yesterday it took 20 minutes and i'm not saying this like uh in a pointed way but i was just looking for information because i'm new here and he goes it'll be 10 minutes and i said uh okay thank you and then he slammed the phone down wow like i had irked and irritated this uh operator danny devita character yeah right yeah and the uh yeah and then how long was it uh i walked really yeah yeah there you yeah it didn't show up it didn't show up that's why we're such a fit city yeah yeah yeah the walk was nice but uh i wish i wish i had that one minute back i could

have started walking earlier yeah yeah yeah but i just i was shocked by the uh just how like like i didn't trust him like he said he sounded betrayed you know how dare you we've built so much here and Ennis. You don't trust me? In this city. Yeah. There are ads at the airport for download the Lyft app because it's coming. It's coming.

I've never seen that before. No, and it's been advertised for a long time. Is that right? Yeah, I don't know what the hold up is. I also got out of a cab and just started walking and then realized I hadn't paid. I'm like Encino Man, but in some kind of reverse. All I know is these cabs are automatic.

I'm kind of doing unfrozen caveman lawyer. Good Encino Man work. Encino Man in reverse. Do you whiz the juice at any point? Whiz the juice? The juice whizzes you in reverse. Yeah, cigarette juice. Graham, do you have an overheard uh my overheard i'm sure was two guys uh one guy like doing a callback to a joke from earlier that day because there's no other reason you would call

attention dude it was a truck that had a sticker on it and he was yelling to his friend he said hey check it out content's under pressure like no this has to be related to something that goes way back because you don't nudge a guy for this yeah like this is not interesting. Refrigerated truck. That's a perfect overheard. Yeah. Hey, check it out. If you can't see my mirrors, I can't see you.

Remember? Anyway. Caution, wide turns. Now, we also have overheards sent in from people all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Bridget all the way down in Brisbane, Australia.

Good day. I was helping a woman and her, she's a public librarian, not a private librarian. Right. Librarian for money. Shelve what you want me to shelve.

Dewey what you want me to do. Ah, nice. Thank you. Nice. Yours was very good too. I was helping a woman and her little three or four year old check out their books because they had their hands full with a shopping trolley full of party decorations and a toy baby, respectively.

The mom seemed frazzled and the little girl seemed over it, and she kept listlessly dropping her baby doll and wandering off. Once I'd given the books back to the mom and she'd stepped away from the counter, she turned to her daughter and said, all right, we've got party things to do. So perk up, grab your baby and let's go. Nice. do. So perk up, grab your baby, and let's go. Nice. Yeah. Perk up, grab your baby, and let's go.

That's what I say to myself every morning before I leave the house. Yeah. Yeah. Step one, two. Come on. I have it on a Post-it note in my bathroom mirror. Yeah, keep calm, grab your baby. Perk up, let's go.

Et cetera. grab your baby perk up let's go etc um yeah i uh uh i've just rekindled my love affair with the local library oh yeah is that right yeah yeah i've been going i've been uh checking books out i've been uh going there to like work for a couple of hours oh you don't have to you're not are you even allowed food at the library everybody brings in a little something right but it's not like you know there's a lot of there's no public places where you can go where you don't have to buy something in order to sit there yeah yeah yeah and it's like the library is like it's just so nice it's so quiet yeah because at like a coffee shop some people are there working and some people are just at a coffee shop but everybody in the library is doing library stuff.

Right. And they have to be quiet. Yeah. Shush. Shush. I rewatched Seven a few months ago. Oh, yeah. Did you ever find out what's in that box?

It was books. It was just, yeah. It was just more books. Morgan Freeman, because he goes to the library. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's like, that's for me. Those are my books. Get away from the box.

I lost it in the middle of it. Where Morgan Freeman goes to the library to look up Dante's Inferno and all these clues and stuff about sin. So that would be like a two-second scene now. But it goes to this beautiful library. It could be a long scene. Well, no. Yeah. But it's Google.

Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. You're right. There used to be like, you'd have to have a whole scene where it was, you'd ask the library, where is your cult section? You'd have to be pulling books, and then you'd see, you'd go through the pages. Yeah, yeah.

In The Fugitive, he'd just Google one-armed man killed wife. Yeah, right. Oh, yeah, it was this guy. And then hit news. Click news. Yeah. Click on the news tab, and you'd see it immediately. Didn't have to go to the hospital and talk to Jane Lynch.

Yeah. If it was Seinfeld, they wouldn't get lost at the movies. They'd all be watching on their damn phones. Thank you. Right? You know what I mean? George would be like, what are we watching? Kimmy Schmidt?

All right. Yeah. I've seen that episode. George Costanza. Yeah. This is an overheard from Brooke in the UK. She was in Spain. Okay.

Our server at a restaurant. On holiday. Yeah. Our server at a restaurant who was kind enough to speak English to us, even though he was not fluent, was bringing us our food. We had ordered calamari. He said, enjoy your octopus. No, I mean, um, your, um, Kraken.

Enjoy the Kraken. Wow. No, I know this. Don't do it. Let me sound it out. You're, uh,

you're Cthulhu. Enjoy your Octomom. Well, she's doing all right. Is she? That's what I heard. Somebody said. Yeah, I saw like an article. Turns out Octomom is fine.

He's doing all right. Are the kids okay? Oh, no. They're all dead. May they rest in peace. Yeah. But she's doing alright Are the kids okay? Oh no They're all dead May they rest in peace Yeah But she's doing great Yeah

We should probably Check if her kids are okay I should Before we release this episode Let's do an all take With are the kids okay? Yeah Ask me if the kids are okay

I feel like I'm not even Going to ask you Because I wonder if they're not okay There's no right answer We just ask Are the kids okay? I don't know Yeah I'll go be no I'll look it ask are the kids okay i don't know yeah go we know yeah i'll

look it up when i get home maybe don't okay um this last one comes from cody m in guelph ontario this is a teen bagging groceries talking to his friend he says do you know what's awesome friend hanging out by the little conveyor belt what What? Teen, I just got my report card back, and do you know what my average is? 69%. Yes. Friend, that is sick, man. And the teen said, and the best part is that it was 69.8, and they didn't round it up. So awesome.

So awesome. You'd rather have a 69 than a B? Yeah. Yeah. I mean, 70 is like a C oh really yeah is it i think it's different here than it is in in ontario okay because b was i mean i had a low b it was 70 to 80 i have low t okay yeah um i don't know what the letters are. We always just got percentages. Right.

Yeah. It was 80 to 100 was A. Call us A. Tell us what your grades were. 80 to 100? 80 to 100 was A. Like A minus A, A plus. Oh, we didn't really have.

Yeah. That sounds right. The only pluses and minuses we had were on the Cs. Okay. A was like 90 and above. B was something else. And then C, there was Something else And then C There was C minus C plus

C What was the grading system like Where you were Raised Call us at One hundred We had a lot of What did you call the clothes you wore

To gym class Gym clothes Yeah Yeah We had a lot of Blowback this past week Yeah okay What did you say

It was called a gym strip Yeah I never heard that. And people are like, I'm Canadian. We didn't call it that. I think it was just localized to certain gym teachers.

Yeah, gym strip. Yeah. Those words shouldn't go together. You know. Yeah, I mean. Those pole dancing classes, they kind of really work your core. Yeah.

And if your name is james jim strip yeah what did you call uh the bibs you would wear sometimes in class uh bibs sauce holders sauce collected in gym class yeah did you call them bibs uh you're like like red team versus yellow oh no uh oh yeah jerseys no that can't be it pennies pennies yeah we had pennies we called them pennies yeah okay i wonder i was wondering if that was a universal yeah yeah penny was you didn't say bibs well no sometimes he said bibs sometimes he said pennies but everyone knew what pennies were yeah well i've been i've been uh living in new york for the last like year and a half i'm walking here yeah yeah i literally was walking here a lot of things that happened there only

happened in new york as far as i know yeah as far as i know as far as i know also you should get some sleep city that never sleeps yeah uh you know they call uh i say i say toque at work i say toque and they go like what the what is that and i'm like you know winter hat and they'd be like oh a beanie and it's like i mean first a to me a beanie is like a hat with a propeller right like a dumb dumb thing that you would never wear in public i just feel like they're so proud of like it's a beanie like what a weird thing to be adamant about yeah that if you knew there was another word for that thing wouldn wouldn't you move to that word? Yeah. Like, I think toque is fine. Like, why is toque so weird?

I feel like beanie's getting stronger, too. The beanie boys are... They're gaining a lot of traction. They're gaining momentum. Right, the white supremacist group. Yeah. Beanie boys. Well, I guess they are kind of.

Yeah. Yeah. Skull caps, skullies. Yeah, they like... I think toque is fine. I just don't see why the indignation over calling it a kind of. Yeah. Yeah. Skull caps, scullies. Yeah. I just don't see why the indignation over calling it a toque. Yeah. Oh, you Canadians. It's called a beanie.

Do you know what people in Saskatchewan call a hoodie? No. A bunny hug. A bunny hug. Yeah. That's a very local. That's only Saskatchewan. Yeah.

As far as I know. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, they can keep it. Yeah. That's a very local. That's only Saskatchewan. Yeah. As far as I know. Yeah. Yeah. And that's, they can keep it. Yeah. But I'm not, I wouldn't, I won't go in there. Because they used to, before they had hooded sweatshirts there, they would just wrap a rabbit. Exactly.

Around the back of their head. The rabbit would have to hold. Yeah. I wouldn't go and correct them. Please keep using that. I would love to see it spread. Yeah. But you're not going to be an early adopter.

No. You'll be pretty late at adopting now. Yeah. I mean, I've got two kids. I don't need to adopt. A new turn of things. Okay. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also, we did three?

Yeah. We also. Uh-oh, Dave's dying. I forget the word I usually use. In addition to overheards, we also something your phone calls. Penny, accept? We also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is

1-844-779-7631. That's one. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham, it's Jeff in Chicago. You might be a little tired of bumper stickers. Nope. But I'm seeing the Toyota Yaris in front of me,

the bumper sticker that says Greater Chicago Ferret Association, and it's great. Bye. The Greater Chicago Ferret Association. So, you know, all of the suburbs. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. Because originally it was just the Chicago,

and people were like, what about... Yeah, what about Evanston? They have the Chicago proper. Yeah. What is our local ferret organization? Oh, I mean, it's got to be a Greater Vancouver. Greater Vancouver, yeah. You wouldn't just have Vancouver proper.

But in Toronto, it's the GTA. Yeah, we have the GTA Ferrets Consortium. Oh, Consortium. Yeah. Oh. You buy into it. Yeah. There's ferrets on the board.

It wouldn't just be, but is it different? Are there different Southern Ontario ferret boards, or is it? Sure, Guelph's got one. Guelph's got their own. Kitchener-Waterloo. Yeah. Boy. Yeah. Hamilton. Yeah. boards or is it does this one well it's got one well it's got their own waterloo yeah yeah boy yeah yeah hamilton yeah well hamilton hamilton's uh under sanctions right now oh yeah yeah yeah too many they know what they did too many ferrets too many ferrets standing on each other's shoulders you know trying to get into the irishman yeah right in a big trench coat i'm like and meanwhile

george costanza is watching on his iPhone. Here's your next phone call. Hey Dave, I'm Graham. It's Ben H. in Los Angeles. I was just in the park and there was a guy throwing a frisbee for his dog and he threw a frisbee and the dog

ran and caught it out of the air. And there were three teen boys uh walking nearby and i heard one of them say wow that's a real ride or die dog that guy got right there all right off i go a ride or die dog did he also say all right off i go yeah the teen oh yeah i think probably that's a real writer that guy's got there all right, off I go? Yeah. With a teen? Oh, yeah, I think probably. That's a really writer. Oh, yeah, that guy's got there. All right, off I go. That's me, I'm out. Oh, wow. I think dogs are all ride or die.

Yeah, but if I was looking for a dog and I saw an ad for people who were giving away a dog and one said ride or die dog, that would be the one I'd go check out. Available for adoption. Yeah. A real ride or die dog. Yeah. Cool. Cool, man. Graham, you're my Ride or Die. You're my Ride or Die dog. I didn't say dog. You're the man now, dog. Can I tell you a true story about that expression?

The man now, dog? I use that. This is the catchphrase from Finding Forrester. Yeah, from Finding Forrester. I worked with Rob Brown, who played the dog i uh use that this is the catchphrase from finding forest yeah i'm finding forest i worked with rob brown who played the uh the teenager in that movie dog he played dog he played and we were just texting he's become friends he's on he's on blind spot and uh i texted him once and i he said something to me and i responded with the you know platitude. You're the man now dog back to him. And then I just, then I realized I put the phone that I was like, I just said,

you're the man now dog to the guy that it started with. Yeah. It was like, yeah, I get that a lot. I'm sure he didn't talk about it again. Yeah. I wonder if Sean Connery ever gets it.

Like if people say it to him. Yeah. What else would people say? It's not accurate. I'd say Bond,. Like if people say it to him. Yeah. What else would people say? It's not accurate. They'd say Bond, James Bond. But they wouldn't say. Yeah. He's not.

What are lines that people have said to Sean Connery? Oh boy. I got to sneak my bum under these lasers. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Check this out. My bum.

Everybody just goes to entrapment. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that was his most famous it was like me boom she's british right she is she's wilsh yeah uh what else has he done that i've seen um he was the voice dad in the indiana jones yeah that's true uh king arthur yeah right what are you some kind of dragon? Voice of a dragon. Oh, yeah, yeah.

My favorite Sean Connery story is that he was offered the role of Gandalf in The Lord of the Rings. Yes. And he turned it down because he was like, I don't understand what this is about. Yeah. And then years later was asked, do you regret it? And he's like, no, I don't understand. I saw the movie, still don't get it. Good.

It makes me feel less dumb. Didn't he also get offered like Morpheus or something? There were a couple of things where he didn't get them and then he ended up taking like League of Extraordinary Gentlemen or something like that. Oh, sure. Because it was like he'd passed on like huge franchises and took something that was like, well, I don't get this one, but I'm losing all this money. Yeah. And then they didn't make more than one.

Yeah, but like, he's 80. Yeah. Like if you're doing any movie when most people are retired, you're making good money. Yeah. but like you said 80. Yeah. Like if you're doing any movie when most people are retired you're making good money. Yeah. Yeah, sure. Right.

Yeah. Yeah. Anyway, here we go. Final phone call. Do you have any final thoughts on Sean Connery? I hope he's doing all right.

Yeah, me too. Yeah. Well, he's one of the octopuses. Oh, boy. Hey, Dave and Graham. This is Dakota in Seattle. I was just on a plane.

I haven't overheard, or overseen, I guess. I was just on a plane back to Seattle, and I could see the laptop of the woman in front of me. She was working on some assessments for some students or something. And she wrote, Humanities is an area where Cody needs help because he doesn't do it good. And when she was done with this assessment, she then watched the live-action Dora the Explorer movie in its entirety.

And then when that was over, she put on Little Mermaid. But she fast-forwarded to just the kiss the girl scene. So, I don't know what that was about. World's most fascinating woman. Yeah, no way she wrote he doesn't do humanity's good. Was she also a little kid? Yeah, she was also, she was forging. Clearly sabotaging her rival in class.

Oh, man. Yeah, you know what? The heart wants what it wants, and it wants to kiss the girl. That was one of the things they danced to, or they skated to, in Disney on Ice. Fun. Fun. Why didn't I go to Disney on Ice? I like all those songs.

Why didn't you invite them to Disney on Ice? Oh boy, it was not cheap. Actually, it was cheaper. You could have paid your own way. That's true. It was cheaper to take some money from the 24-hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was cheaper to take four kids to that than, or two kids to that than one kid to Cirque du Soleil.

Oh, yeah. Is that right? Right. Do you guys hang out a lot outside of this show? No. At this point, like you've been doing this, what, like 11 years? We're coming up on 12. Yeah, no.

And did you used to hang out more? More, yeah. You've done this every week for 12 years. Yeah, no. And did you used to hang out more? More, yeah. You've done this every week for 12 years? Yeah. Yeah. Give or take. That's spectacular.

I mean, I don't, I wish we hung out more. Yeah. So it's not for lack of want. No, yeah. I hope Graham knows how I feel. Back at you. Why don't you tell him right now, Dave? You're my ride or die dog. You're my ride or die dog, the man now dog.

This is nice. It's nice to be a part of this moment. Ennis, this brings us to the end of this episode. Okay. Do you have anything... Oh, go, go. Ennis is gone. Do you have anything that you would like to plug that you have upcoming? Well, I guess

if you like the show Blindspot, we have a fifth and final season coming out. And if you saw episode one, a woman is in Times Square and she's covered in tattoos. Where did she come from? Now, can you catch everyone else up from there? Is that the one that you watched? No. It's on ad.

Right. Okay. There you go. The honesty. I get that a lot for that show. Oh, I saw you. I heard of that you I heard of that I heard of that

You're Five years later Yeah She's back in Times Square Doing her thing Getting all of her tattoos removed Okay Okay

Yeah that's what It all ties back to like She just goes to a tattoo remover place It took her five years To find that address Yeah That must hurt though Yeah

Yeah She was at the library For a lot of it But Nobody liked the library callback. That's fine. It's fine. Season five will air sometime on NBC and CTV in the new year, spring, summer of next year. And I got a little, a few episodes on the new season of Schitt's Creek that just went

to, it's on Netflix. A lot of people are mad at me because of my what i did on the show so okay i want to be mad at me uh watch my little arc on shits creak and also final season uh i was on the uh penultimate season okay all right yeah i uh catch up on gem there you go yeah oh you don't mean the series you mean CBC Gem sorry CBC Gem I thought you meant

like Gem and the Holograms I do actually have to catch up on Gem yeah that's what he was talking about for no reason it just reminded me I have to catch up on Gem

right yeah speaking of characters I don't like yeah whatever they were called the Eugene Levy the Misfits

the Misfits she did the voice of the Eugene Levy was a lot of voices that's true. Yeah. You know what? This has been a really great time, you know?

For those of you listening out there, is it still some time to get your holiday shopping done? Yeah. Yeah. This is a good reminder to do that. Yeah. So,

I guess everyone can also like get started on your taxes. Yeah, that's, it's never too early. Yeah. Um, uh. You don't have any of your income statements yet. Well, I mean, unless you, uh, you freelance. Yeah.

You know, I know. Also, you know, you get, just get your receipts in order. Oh no, sure. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know what I started doing? Uh, putting them in, uh, envelopes by month. That's really smart. A little trick that I was taught. Yeah. Oh no, sure Yeah, yeah You know what I started doing? Putting them in envelopes by month That's really smart A little trick that I was taught

Yeah Oh no Those weren't the envelopes you gave me before, were they? Yeah, the just to hang on to You said just to hang on to? Yeah Well, I just got I was putting them in

I'm going to put them in storage No, you put them in my burn pile Why do you have a burn pile? Well, I got a lot of Boy, I just like the smell of burn. What'd you do with all that birch bark I gave you?

I made it into birch beer. Oh. Can I have some? No, I burned it. Yeah. Real gift to the magi. Yeah.

Well, thank you everybody out there. You know, I was offered the role of the magi in that movie, but I didn't understand. I didn't understand. I was so clever. Saying, off with the role of the magi in that movie but I didn't understand I didn't understand I'm John Clevering saying you're the man now

dog from all of us here to all of you out there you're the man now dog thank you for listening if you like the show please tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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