Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 615 - Clare Belford

Episode Date: December 31, 2019

Comedian Clare Belford returns to talk umbrella etiquette, a whirlwind trip to London, and corporate holiday parties. Plus, our Top Tens of the decade.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 615 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who made sure the fire was so delightful because the weather outside is frightful. Yeah.

Mr. Dave Shupka. Oh, Graham came in and he's, he's, I have my doorbell played Joy to the World. Yeah. You said the weather outside was frightful. We're, full disclosure disclosure we're recording this before christmas yep even though it's coming out it's the final episode of the decade odd lang syne odd lang syne uh i mean if it's decade it's like even older lang syne yeah yeah yeah um wicked old lang syne yeah yeah like the way people in boston talk yeah yeah yeah and they're in charge of

decades um so yeah i just really just feeling it yeah just totally have the post post christmas buzz yeah but the pre-new year's jitters yeah yeah you're performing you're popping out of a cake. I enjoy it, yeah. And I'm singing, what are you doing New Year's, New Year's Eve? You know that song? Yeah, it was in a Gap commercial. Yeah, Rufus Wainwright's thing. I'm sure it existed before that. Yeah, but come on, give Gap the credit, it's due. White background, white foreground.

Give Gap the credit. It's due. I'm a white background. White foreground. Our guest today, returning guest to the podcast, a very funny comedian. She hosts a show each and every week in Toronto on Tuesdays at a place called Bureaucracy. It's Claire Belford. Hello.

Hello. Hi, Claire. Hi. Hi. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. Good to be back. Yeah. Yeah, it is good to be back. It's great. Hello. Hi, Claire. Hi. Hi. Welcome back to the show. Thank you. Good to be back. Yeah.

Yeah, it is good to be back. It's great. Yeah. Just you're picking up right where you left off. Yep. Should we get to know us? Let's do it. Get to know us. Claire, it's been, boy, I want to say 195 weeks.

Yeah. Blair, it's been, boy, I want to say 195 weeks. Yeah. You were on our episode 420, and you've since become known as Madame 420. Oh, yeah. Across this country. Big time. 420.

Yeah, you have your own line of rollies, and that's it. Yeah. What does rollies mean to you? Rolling papers? Okay. What does rollies mean to you? I wasn't sure. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I guess rollies mean something different to everybody. Yeah. I mean, I think of rolly fingers, the great baseball pitcher.

Yeah. With the mustache. Also, I think of Rollie Like roller skates Yeah yeah yeah Yeah That sounds like What British would call

Roller skates Rollies Rollies I kind of For some reason I thought of like Those Rolling machines

Have you seen Oh yeah Yeah Oh Jamaica Jamaica doobie do I also think of Or cigarette Oh sure

Oh yeah yeah I guess so I think of But cigars are all hand rolled yes yeah the quality ones

yeah I think I guess you could call a person who rolls cigars a rollie I guess a roller though

the roller has become a rollie yeah yeah if they get if they oh maybe I wonder if they have nightmares

about being in a giant cigarette machine where they get rolled up and of course I'd be remiss if I didn't mention former NHL goalie, Roland Melanson, Roley the goalie. So, Claire, tell us all about it. What's going on with you?

Tell us, you're out here visiting some family. I don't know. Not family uh i don't know not family i don't have any family in vancouver i will be going to colonna to visit family yeah uh no i just yeah i'm i i am out west visiting family uh this always happens to me so what graham said it is correct to my researchers we're out here visiting family. I am out here visiting family. We agree to disagree, but. You're on the record saying I'm out west visiting family. Yeah, this is what always happens to me when I come out.

Like I come, I'm from Edmonton, so I want to go to Edmonton. Yeah. I have, my dad is there and my brothers. Right. But then I go to Edmonton, my grandma's in Grand Prairie and I'm like, I should go to Grand Prairie and now one of my brothers is in Calgary so I'm like,

well, I got to go to Calgary also. My mom's in Kelowna. Do they ever visit you? No, no one comes to Toronto. No one ever comes to Toronto. But like,

well, yeah, I mean, that's a lot of travel. It is, it is. And going to Toronto is exciting.

I know. If you go to Edmonton, fine, you're home. But going to Calgary from Edmonton, kind of the same. And it's like, yeah, you've got the Ripley's Believe It or Not Aquarium in Toronto. Oh, my God, yeah. You could have a whole week of activities planned for them.

Yeah, yeah. I was thinking about this yesterday, how I've always been like, I want to like things that nobody else likes. And I think that the fact that no one in my, like none of my loved ones give a shit about Toronto at all is maybe why I'm committed to living there. You should listen to our podcast. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a thing no one else likes. The Ripley's Believe It or Not Aqu not aquarium is it really a believe it or not aquarium are they like maybe physical oddities of the sea maybe it's just a wax figurines

fish the you know the walrus with the longest husks in the world yeah the fijian mermaid um what are some other uh the whale that swallowed Pinocchio. Did you hear about the guy that jumped in the shark tank? There was a guy. You mean the dragon's tank? Was that a year or two ago? That was like last year. He got naked?

He got naked and scrammed in the shark tank. But he had also either from there or before that came from the medieval times where he punched a knight or two ago? That was like last year. He got naked? He got naked and scrammed in the shark tank but he had also either from there or before that came from the medieval times where he like punched a knight or something. Like he had a day. Oh boy.

For him. Yeah. See that's the kind of article you send your family like look what's happening in Toronto. And I'm like where was he going to go next?

Like what? He's just hitting all the big spots. I feel like he's a guy who got really into that, like Chuck Norris meme from 15 years ago. But like you, yeah.

What would you top, uh, swimming in a shark tank? I guess, uh, you know, walking around the outside of the CN tower. Yeah.

What was he going to do on the CN tower? Yeah. Pee off of it. It's kind of like, uh, you know, someone going on like a terror spree, but it's not terror so much. It's just like, it's like shenanigans. Yeah. Pee off of it. It's kind of like, you know, someone going on like a terror spree, but it's not terror so much. It's just like.

It's like shenanigans. Yeah. Thrill seeking. How long have you been in Toronto? Four years now. Just over four years. Does it feel like home? It does.

Yeah. I'm realizing that on this trip because I've never really felt homesick before. But I do feel like I miss Toronto a lot. Yeah. What are you missing right now? I'm missing the weather. I like the weather in Toronto a lot. Yeah?

Yeah. It's not as cold as Alberta. It's not as rainy as here. Yeah. It's very nice. How dare you? I know. I know. It's way rainier as here. Yeah. It's very nice. How dare you? I know. I know.

It's way rainier than it is here. What are you doing New Year's Eve? Yeah. Oh, yeah. In Toronto? Yeah. I don't know. Or whatever.

I don't know your life. I do. I want to go back to Toronto. Because this is my. Because you miss it. For New Year's Eve. My sister-in-law works for WestJet, so I can fly standby. So my trip is very like

open-ended. Everything is sort of like... How does that work? Yeah. At standby? How does it work? So... Because I don't know, is that still an option for everyone? No, I don't think so. Yeah, because I used to hear about people going, I'm going to standby. Yeah, and you would just show up at the airport and then hope?

Yeah, and I don't think you're allowed to buy like the average person isn't allowed to buy tickets the same day no no yeah you can't buy a ticket at the airport yeah and you i don't know like i don't know how does it work this standby is just she i get like a buddy pass she has like so many buddy passes to share right um so I get, she books it, I guess. And then I, like, if the seats sell,

then I can't fly. Right. Right. But we'll find out ahead of time and she can just schedule a different one. Right.

But the one thing I did find out flying standby, they look at me as an employee, like I'm representing the company. Oh,

and so you're an owner of the company. I'm trying to be up for that flight. And so as a result, I'm not allowed to wear ripped jeans. This is what I found out. Oh. I got really in trouble last time I flew and I had to change.

Yeah. And I mean, you're a rock and roll star. I am. Yeah, pretty edgy. And the only other outfit you had was a slightly off military outfit that people called you on. So, wow. It's like flying in a golf club in the sky. Yes.

That's true. I was so shocked. No hats? No tats. I went up to check in and the woman was like, she called me over afterwards and was like, the pilots were just standing here and they were really upset about what you were wearing. No, they weren't.

And I was like, I had no idea what she was even talking about. I hadn't heard anything about this. But I really think that she was on the level about that. Because she was really laid back. She was like i don't care you can you can go ahead but were you like standing in a zone of like west jet no that's the thing that i don't understand like who knows the police the police of the sky they were just standing near the counter at that time when i checked in um yeah but how does anybody know that you're how does anyone on the plane know that I'm

flying standby oh they make you wear a bib that says buddy fest and a bulletproof vest that says air marshal but she was cool she was like yeah whatever but then when I was flying from Calgary to Toronto the woman made me change. At the airport?

Yeah. Wow. Yeah. She said if I didn't, I wouldn't be able to fly. Huh. That's it? Yeah. I mean, hey, rules are rules.

Yeah. That's what she said. Yeah. Yeah. She was very strict about the rules. But I like the other one that was playing it off like, hey, man, if it was my plane, you'd be able to fly nude. I don't care pilots get though pilots are real nerds i know they're not gonna see you the entire flight but they're gonna know it's gonna be itching in their brain

you don't want anything distracting the pilots you know um have you flown have you used this to your advantage as a comedian? Have you flown like to far flung places because you can? Uh, just here. So you're not taking like a $200 gig in the Yukon because you can fly there for free? Not really. No. And I think that you can get in trouble for that.

I've heard of, I've heard of other comedians having this sort of advantage, and then the airline finds out. I think it's the airline, or somebody finds out and gets mad and takes it away. Because you're not allowed to do it for business? Yeah, maybe. I think that's what it is. Yeah, they've got a lot of rules. Only pleasure, but not so much pleasure that you are dressed casually.

These buddy passes, they sound so casually. These buddy passes. They sound so casual. Yeah, yeah. So lighthearted. What are you doing New Year's Eve? I never answered that question. Yeah, I don't know. You did though.

Probably. I mean, it's been a long time since I've been at my fight club. Oh, no, I'm not supposed to talk about that. But New Year's is a big night for a certain club of mine. I wonder what a fight club does on New Year's. They punch each other at midnight. Yeah, yeah. They all team up and punch each other at midnight. Do you have New Year's plans?

No. Well, I think I'll probably go to Comedy Bar in Toronto. Okay. They always have a party or something. That's easy. It's easy. That's just a drop in. You'll be there in Toronto. Okay. They always have a party or something. That's easy. It's easy. That's just a drop in. You'll be there in your ripped jeans.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Cool. More ripped than normal. Oh, yeah, sure. Why not? Do you have any resolutions for the new year? I've been trying to drink less. Maybe I'll make that a thing. Okay.

Sure. An official resolution. Like just less fluids in general? Yeah. Just trying to cut back. Yeah, yeah, yeah. On fluids. Dry out a bit.

I'm going to try to retain less water. Do you? I mean, every year I have the same ones and then I never. What? You're going to lose a little weight. You know what I mean? Be year I have the same ones and then I never. What? You got to lose a little weight, you know what I mean? Be a better person, you know, all the general. You don't need to. Boy, if I say you don't need to be a better person,

it's going to seem like you do need to lose weight. It's tough. It's tough. It's a tough. Yeah, I really, really. Well, good luck with your resolutions, I guess is what I better say. Do you have any?

Boy, I should be a better person. No. No? Last year, my resolution was to not use any more coffee cups, any paper coffee cups. Oh, good one. And I probably cut that down 80%. That's really good.

But the ones I did use were big. Extra wax. Yeah. Yeah, the wax is a does-all-of-a-number on the old environment arena. And it was to eat less meat, and I did, I think. Yeah. I still ate a lot less meat, and I did, I think. Yeah. I still ate a lot of meat, though. I think the only resolution I ever kept was I resolved one year to learn to roll joints.

Oh, yeah? How rolly. Yeah, I roll. There we go, back. And how did you, did you watch tutorials on YouTube? Did you get friends to show you how? No, I just sort of, like, insisted on getting to be the one to do it. Oh, okay.

I think that's the biggest deterrent. What is the arrangement normally? Are people vying to be this person? It's just more like, I think once you know how to do it, you like doing it, and you don't want to let the idiot who doesn't know what they're doing do it. Do it wrong yeah yeah all right would you say you're pretty good at it now now i'm pretty good i mean i was really good then i cut back on weed for a while falling out of last year's resolution

cut back on fluids cut back on weed only makes sense, that dry mouth. Cut back on fluids. Cut back on gases. Yeah, that's true. This year's all about solids. What am I doing on New Year's Eve? Yeah, what are you doing on New Year's Eve? I don't have plans. No? There might be a potluck.

Not your kind of potluck. plans. No, there might be a potluck. Not your kind of potluck. Yeah. Joint in a scratching win. Yeah.

Right. So, you've been out in Toronto for four years. You're doing standup comedy. You also were saying you work as a waitress. I do. Yeah. And how's that?

Is that all right? It is. I really like where I work. Yeah? Yeah. That's nice to hear. I really like where I work. Yeah? Yeah. That's nice to hear. If you're looking for a good, cheap breakfast in Toronto, go to our spot. Our spot.

It's called our spot, yeah. Okay. It can lead to a lot of confusion. We're going to our spot. And then one person shows up at their favorite. This has literally happened to me. Really? Yeah. My friend was at a coffee shop that we would go to.

Oh, and did your friend think, like, we have a spot? Yeah, yeah. I was like that we would go to. Oh, and your friend, did your friend think like we have a spot? Yeah. I was like, let's go to our spot. And then we went to different places. There are things like that, that, you know, the who is like. Sure. Like, whose concert are you going to? The who?

I don't know. Yeah. Third base. Or like, guess jeans. What kind of jeans are those? Guess. I don't know. Yeah. Third base. Or like, guess jeans. What kind of jeans are those? Guess. I don't know. Fucking tell me.

Where are you having breakfast? Our spot. I don't know you that well. We don't have a history. But it's great. Yeah, it's a nice little spot. It's in Kensington Market. Oh, yeah.

It's lots of like weird local regulars. Is it like a diner type place? Yeah, it's very like greasy spoon laid back. Cool. Yeah. So a lot of here in Vancouver, a lot of our greasy spoons shutting down. Yeah. A lot of everything is shutting down.

Yeah, that's true. Yeah, there's a lot of's shutting down. Yeah. A lot of everything is shutting down. Yeah, that's true. Yeah, there's a lot of everything shutting down. It's like, I mean, I'm all for knocking down nice places to build condos. But I worry that you don't get the nice cozy restaurants you used to. Yeah. That's a problem in Toronto as well, obviously. There are like Yeah Everything that moves in

Seems to be a freshie Yeah Yeah Yeah that's true That's weird That that was like A thing I'd never heard of And then all of a sudden

It's like Remember? Freshie Freshie with two eyes Yeah The place you always go It's our spot You know what I can't get over

In Vancouver Is how many cactus clubs there are. Oh, yeah. Like if you try and make plans with someone to go to a cactus club, there's no way you're going to end up in the same one. You have to say our cactus club. Our cactus club. Yeah, there's a lot of that. And then there's a couple, there's a family that owns a bunch of bars and barbershops.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's become a thing. I don't know if it's a family. It's got a name. It's like a group. a bunch of bars and barbershops yeah oh yeah that's become a thing I don't know if it's a family it's got a name it's like a group okay that owns

and like any space that kind of gets vacated it seems like it automatically becomes and there's places that open up there you're like oh this is cool

it's not we'll just say Donnelly yeah Donnelly group it's a cool new place it's not a Donnelly group place and then secretly you find out it's a back door Donnelly. Yeah. It's a cool new place. It's not the Donnelly group place. And then secretly you find out it was, it's a, it's a backdoor Donnelly group.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is there anything like that in Toronto? Um, it's the kind of thing where it's like, you don't want to like it and then you like a place and then you find out it's Donnelly group.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They got me. Yeah. Yeah. There's like a rule in Kensington market. They are like the business bureau of Kensington Market doesn't want there to be any like major

chains or corporations or anything. So like the wine shop is like the wine, the big wine store in Ontario. Okay. And they like snuck into the market and opened a place called Wine in the Market. Oh. And then everyone in the market found out and was just pissed. i think i think we've gotten over it we go there now yeah yeah that's the it's convenient it used to be uh in uh in bamf they they used to have no chains and then i think mcdonald's was maybe the first that got in there for them and every yeah exactly trailblazers

yeah yeah nelson was the same i don't know if they're still that way they had no chains and was maybe the first that got in there. Good for them. Yeah, exactly. Such trailblazers. Yeah. Nelson was the same. I don't know if they're still that way. They had no chains, and then two chains came. Yeah. And they were like, oh, it's not so bad. Yeah, I know. I remember visiting a friend in Nelson,

and they were like, we're getting a Starbucks. And I always look at that as the barometer for when a small town, their heads explode. Like Starbucks moving into any small town. They could have a million Tim Hortons, but if a Starbucks moves in, anything in a small town is like, things are getting crazy.

All of a sudden a bustling city now. Yeah. Oh boy, all these, you know, urban values. Everyone here is like, you know,

looking out for people now. Instead of, caring of sleeping with a shotgun pointed at the door. Which is how I assume every small town is. Yeah. Well, because at night the strangers come out of the cornfield. Yeah. So you have your bed. Behind a mattress. By your main. You have your bed behind a mattress. Yeah. So you have your bed.

Behind a mattress. By your main. You have your bed behind a mattress. Yeah. By the front door. Yeah. And you're like, maybe you're sleeping in a rocking chair with a shotgun in your hand. And there's like a little trip wire that rings a bell when someone comes up.

And you know what? You just fire. You don't wait to see the white to their eyes you just fire and definitely it's going to be one of those strangers with the burlap sacks over their heads this is small town living yeah yeah flee to the big city where it's safe yeah yeah i also imagine them wearing a nightcap yes those are those are only in small towns yeah in my as far as i'm concerned yeah um yeah uh you never lived have you ever lived in a small town i mean i'm from grand prairie it's like it was smaller then it's boomed you know big boom town but

is it what's the boom oil boom yeah yeah and like what what is it like a hundred thousand people i don't know populations I don't know What You never studied What is our city's population Like a couple Couple mil Couple mil

Including the suburbs Yeah yeah Okay Yeah Oh I always include the suburbs That's where those My stomping grounds I

That's where I hang Yeah Yeah The burbs Absolutely Yeah The burbs Absolutely Yeah That's the Circle K Beat rush hour traffic

We have a lot of Circle K's now Go the other way Yeah Circle K's Taken over Did they buy Mac? They bought Mac Yeah And you know what?

Canada just laid down And let it happen We didn't fight back Or nothing We were just like You know what? Fine Circle K Like

I don't know it was circle k like a big chain in america like or where did where did circle k come from america around a while yeah it's been like yeah it's sort of uh i always thought of it as like a knockoff 7-eleven yeah yeah just because they didn't have slurpees. Although in America, they also have AMPM Mini Market. And we don't have that. Do you have that in Toronto? AMPM? I don't think so.

No. Nice. It's Canada. Canada only. Or America only. America only. Huh. Hmm.

Things are changing, man. Things are changing in Canada. I'll tell you. I know. I know. We just got a Starbucks. Yeah. The country of Canada.

Yeah. This country of Canada. This country is going to the dogs. At this place that you work at, you said there's a lot of regulars. Am I going to get in trouble with the Donnelly group? I don't think so. I mean. Yeah, you'll be receiving a cease and desist. Yeah.

They're going to buy out the podcast. Oh, no. They're going to turn them. And them and i'm gonna be like it's really cozy in here actually you know what a nice vibe yeah it's got a good vibe but like is there an equivalent like that in toronto where there's like or just a chain of bars that kind of yes uh probably there's a group um that does like that they're like kind of like taking over the downtown right like when i was first living there i was working at a restaurant in the financial district and it was like the last independently owned... Earls. It was, like, in competition with Earls, but it died.

It's done now. Oh, wow. It couldn't survive. It's, like, too expensive to have a business down there. Right. No one can survive except these, like, groups. These, like, giant conglomerates. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah. What was working in the financial district? Was that good or terrible? It was both. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was really good money. And, Yeah. Yeah. It was really good money and like where I worked

was great because we, yeah, you know, you know, those financial people. Where I worked was great because we didn't have

like a dress code where we had to wear heels or anything. Ripped jeans. Ripped jeans. We love ripped jeans. Oh boy. Yeah.

Well, this isn't a WestJet flight you're not a buddy coming it's so hard to keep jeans unripped true I don't know

what it was like I grew up my crotch blows out that's what it is for me I grew up we weren't allowed

to like my family looked down on ripped jeans like people buying jeans ripped already right I looked down on that you looked down on it jeans like people buying jeans ripped already. Right. I looked down on that.

You looked down on it? Yeah. It's not hard to rip your own jeans. Yeah. Buy a cheap pair of jeans and rip them yourself. I've come around to the aesthetic, I guess. I like it. Yeah. Also, I just-

The jeans you own have all been pre-ripped? Yeah. Not all of them, but- But the ones that are ripped, do you own any jeans that you've ripped? Not currently. Not currently. Okay. I cause all my own rip.

Good for you. Just, you know what, by going out playing some baseball. Soccer baseball. Yeah, soccer baseball. That's a, we were talking a few weeks ago about the term gym strip.

Soccer baseball is a Canadianism as well. Is it? Yeah. Do you know gym strip? Nope. It was I think like localized to Graham and my high school only. Like your gym uniform that you would wear for gym class. It was called gym strip? It was called gym strip. You had a gym uniform? No, you had to wear shorts and a shirt or a t-shirt. Yeah. And a shirt. Oh. Or a t-shirt, yeah. And a shirt, a dress shirt. Yeah. Well, we were allowed to do gym in just any old clothes.

No, we wore, we would change for gym, but I don't know what we, we didn't have like a term like that. We had to like buy shorts and a shirt from the school. Oh, no, absolutely not. Really? And we could wear whatever. We had prison issued shortsued shorts and shirts. Yeah. But the soccer baseball, California kickball.

California kickball. Or just kickball. Yeah. We also called it Chinese baseball. Oh, no. Oh, yeah. That was Northern Alberta. You've been handed a cease and desist.

Yeah. I remember calling it california kick yeah and uh maybe that made it sound more exotic it did sound like 80s like california games yeah video game like surfing sounded cool california kickball sounds like harder to learn yeah that's true it just sounds bigger. Yeah. Yeah. Like it has more moving parts. More intimidating. Yeah.

Were you an athlete growing up? I wasn't like completely uncoordinated, but I wasn't. I was very mid-range. Mid-range. I had stamina. Like I could run. I could run for a while. You were athletic, but you weren't. Skilled.

Sure. Yeah. Sure. Yeah. Yeah. Like you were on a team or no? I mean, like I played house league soccer. Yeah.

Yeah. Easy peasy. That's about it. Yeah. Yeah. And I would be like, I played midfield because I could run back and forth. Should have been a runner. I just kind of be around. I did sort it. Yeah. Yeah. And I would be like, I played midfield because I could run back and forth. Should have been a runner. I just kind of be around.

I did sort of. Yeah, I did. I was pretty decent at long distance running. Yeah. Yeah. Not fast. No, but but keep going. You had endurance.

Endurance. Exactly. Yeah. That's what Katie Ellen Humphries talks about swimming like that. She was like, I wasn't fast, but I could just not stop i could just keep going yeah not get tired that's like uh that's a skill in and of itself endurance sure yeah yeah is it a skill or is it like a genetic oh maybe it's a genetic quality yeah like they say michael phelps is like a genetic anomaly because he his body doesn't release lactic acid the way that most people do

which is what like makes you cramp up and get tired oh really and he also eats all those pancakes you seen what that guy eats uh i've been noticing um you just said cramps and i was just noticing that i don't think i could live here because i keep my hand keeps cramping from holding umbrellas. Oh. That's like a very specific skill you can have. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just bought my first umbrella. Whoa, I hear this from people that live here a long time too. Yeah. My friend that's lived here for 12 years

has never owned a raincoat. Oh, that's crazy. Yeah, you got to own one or the other. Yeah. Your friend is just walking around soaking? Yeah. I guess so, yeah. I just go from one underground parking or the other. Yeah. Your friend is just walking around soaking? Yeah. I guess so, yeah. I just go from one underground parking to the other.

Yeah, holding an umbrella does suck. Like, it's not, there's no other thing in your life that you can do like that that would help you practice for holding an umbrella. How do we not have, like, a thing, like a... A hood on your coat? Stop it, Dave. That's why I've never owned an umbrella. How do we not have like a thing like a A hood on your coat? Stop it Dave. That's why I've never worn an umbrella. I'm a hood guy.

Gotta keep those hands free. Yeah yeah yeah. I mean like why do we not have like a there's gotta be something you could attach to your body.

It's true that Like an umbrella hat? I'm imagining it more I mean that would work. You're pointing to your shoulders like that. Some kind of I'm imagining like more... I mean, that would work. You're pointing to your shoulders. Yes, yeah.

Some kind of... I'm imagining some kind of firm scarf that had an umbrella holder. Yes, okay. Because then you could adjust it. A neck brace, but with a lid? Yeah, essentially with a lid. It reminds me too much of a neck brace. And for that reason, I'm out. Well, this has been a really difficult episode of Drag and Stab. But you're right.

Why has the umbrella just like... Stopped advancing. Yeah, it's perfect. They break all the time. They do break all the time. They break all the time. They blow inside out. I get a...

Actually, we own a patio umbrella. I've owned a patio umbrella before I've owned a regular umbrella. And you would walk around with that. That's true, I would. But I get, in my Instagram, I get ads for this new kind of umbrella that's great in the wind. Yes, I've seen that as well. A patio umbrella or a regular umbrella? No, just a regular umbrella. And then it shows it great in the wind. Yes. I've seen that as well. A patio umbrella or a regular umbrella? A regular umbrella.

And then it shows it like in a wind tunnel and it can blow inside out but it will go back to its normal shape. Yeah. That windy just put it away

for a while. Also. Just get wet I guess. You will lose it. And then it'll blow dry. Like you'll buy that expensive fancy umbrella

and then you'll put it in a stand at a restaurant. Yeah. You know, Donnelly Group or otherwise. Don't say that.

Only Donnelly Group. We only go to Donnelly Group here. The reason they can afford all these properties is they've been taking your forgotten umbrellas

and selling them. Selling them back to you. I did at some point buy a really nice umbrella, and I think I had it for probably a year before I lost it. What is a really nice umbrella? What's really nice? Thank you. That's what I was also wondering. I bought it at a store that I don't think is there anymore.

It was called The Umbrella Shop. Oh, my. And I believe it was in the $50 range. Okay. Large? Yeah, it was like. Did it have any features? Was it a shootout? Could you range. Okay. Large? Yeah, it was like... Did it have any features? Was it a shootout?

Could you attach it to your shoulders? Yeah, could you tie it in a knot? Could you tie it in a bow? It shot gas out of it. It turned into a helicopter. It was the Penguin edition. Inspector Gadget. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

It was just a really nice umbrella. Here's what I want to know. Go ahead. Was it like, what is the word I'm looking for? A sheath? Was it a shrink? Did you hit a button and it go cooking? Or was it like a long one?

No, it was a long one. I think it needs to be a long one to be any good, right? Yeah. The second you try and make it small i don't know you're compromising it's i've used an umbrella like twice yeah but like those umbrellas the small ones those are the ones that are hard to hold on to you mean yeah oh like the larger ones are easier to hold on to because you can kind of balance it on your shoulder a little oh so this is good to know yeah yeah the little ones are the ones that you have to like kind of Statue of Liberty it everywhere

you go. And my crusade is that people shouldn't walk under awnings with umbrellas. Agreed. Oh, no, but so they just, what, do they cross the street or? Well, just the awnings are reserved for the rest of us. There's not enough room under the awning for you and your umbrella and another person. Okay. Yeah, and if you go...

When I'm mayor, there will be a ticket. I think there's an unspoken rule that if you have the umbrella, you need to maneuver it. Sometimes it needs to be spoken. Yeah. Move your fat ass umbrella. Yeah. And I also feel like there should, there is an upper size restriction.

Like golf umbrellas are no good in the city. That's the kind I bought. Really? For the sucker sidelines. Oh yes. Yeah. But that's like a soccer dad. Very much.

Very much a soccer dad. Yeah. What position does your kid play? Midfield? Run around. She's five. So there's three kids on the field at a time. And she plays the position of let the other team have the ball.

Oh. She learns all the skills in practice. She can kick it really well. She can dribble around cones. But in an actual game, she's like, I do not want to interfere with other people having fun. She's also being taught to share. Yes, exactly. So these lessons, they apply on and off the field.

That's really nice. It's a very hard hump to get over. Yeah. Yeah. Like you got to instill the competitive spirit. Sort of like you can do it. It feels good to score goals. Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, I think I scored one in my whole, in my extended soccer career. Yeah, I think so as well. Yeah. I remember the game I scored. And I remember that game we were really winning by a lot. Same here. Yeah.

Everyone gets one. Everyone got a goal in that day. And if anything, it probably shattered the confidence of the kid that was playing goal. Oh, yeah. That guy, that little bearded kid scored on me? Yeah, it's only now that I realize that that day also is probably crystallized in that kid's memory. Oh, my God. Or he's blocked it out.

Yeah. And, but doesn't know why he's so angry. Oh man. Oh man. Um, Dave, what's going on with you,

man? Well, um, I, uh, just got back from a whirlwind trip to London. Whoa. Whoa. Ontario.

No, the big one. Uh, I had to go to London for work and I, uh, I was working. My team was working on helping another team make a commercial. For umbrellas. For a product I cannot name. Sure. Uh, so we went to, we flew out on Sunday

with my friend Chris. We flew out on a Sunday and then got to London the Monday at noon. And then we had to directly go to like the production office. We got there at four o'clock and we worked till about

eight o'clock that night worked till about, uh, eight o'clock that night. So did you do church in the sky? How did you do it? What did you do? There was a, um, you know,

airports have those. Oh yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Uh, what do you call them? Um, yeah.

So we went to the chapel, got married, quick marriage before London, uh, got, got on the plane, flew to London. Uh,

it was, I was in premium economy. Hmm. It's a, what goes on there? It's like, I guess what business class used to be before people could like have their own pod. It's like just three rows with a little bit more like room.

They have my favorite show to watch. What's that? The, uh, moving map that shows where the airplane is Watch that for 10 hours Then I went to This meeting And then we went for a drink

And then the next day we had to shoot this commercial And it was done It was like 8 in the morning until noon And when we were done They took us out for lunch at Gordon Ramsay's restaurant. Whoa. Now, that's probably their equivalent of the Donnelly's. Yes, I bet.

It's turned into a Gordon Ramsay. Or Jamie Oliver. Or Jamie Oliver, yeah. Although I think his stuff's all closed now. Is it? Yeah. What happened? Too fresh?

Yeah, I guess so. It got too healthy. Yeah, too local. Uh, too fresh. Yeah, I guess so. Got too healthy.

Yeah. Too local. So we went to, and then someone from the crew was like, uh, it was like, Oh, we have some tickets to go see a play in the West end. Uh,

do you, do you guys want to come? And so Chris and I, we have seasons tickets. Yeah. Chris and I were like, yeah, uh,

it's, um, it was, uh, what do you call it? Death of aman oh yeah uh with wendell pierce bunk from the wire oh as willie loman oh wow oh that's awesome yeah an all-black cast okay um I don't love plays and this had everything I don't love about plays

oh no three hours three hours long they come out at the beginning they say whenever Willy Loma

comes out on stage you guys boo you go ooh he's behind you right yeah it was a panto they give you rules

it was three hours long three hours long the Irishman lied. Yeah. It was a bunch of people pretending. That's my like, my number one and two complaints about theater are everyone on stage is pretending. Yeah. And number two is everyone in the audience is pretending too.

Pretending to enjoy it. You're counting on everyone to be like, yes, this is their apartment. Yeah. But it's a funny thing, like, because some theater things, because I've done the Fringe Festival, and, like, sometimes it's just a person on stage.

And so it is. It's up to the audience to imagine that this is now a car, this is now a couch. And then sometimes people lug an entire set, and I'm like, well, if the audience can pretend for one play, they can pretend for two. Sure. Like, you don't necessarily need to lug this giant set from town to town. Yeah. But this had no sets?

This had, no, this had sets, but they were, like, coming down. Like, you could see them on strings, and and they would come down and the room would change. Oh, okay. I'm in an office. Right. So, and everyone. So Wendell Pierce is American. The play takes place in America.

Everyone else was British doing an American accent on stage. Is Funk British? No. No. Is he Wendell Pierce? He's Wendell Pierce. Sounds British. It sure does.

Bonk. And so he so everyone else was just like one guy was Nigerian and the rest were British and they were all doing big theater American accent. Nice. You know dad I'm not like you it's hard here in Brooklyn I will never be a salesman I will never be a salesman like you dad having an affair with a woman uh and the woman was like

so like uh i want to say like jazz age oh okay with her american accent like like a give me another pair of stockings. She was like, we should have been in the Great Gatsby or something. She was the singer from Santa Baby. So yeah, we had lunch that day. Very late, actually. It ended up being at two. And we were going to have dinner before the play.

But everyone was like, we're so full from Gordon Ramsay because there was nothing lunch size on the menu. Right. Everyone had like a fish and a chip. An enormous entire fish and chips. And so we were like, let's just go for a drink across the street before the play. So we went and there was like an hour wait to get a drink. But I waited. Chris and I waited.

Yeah. And it was like this super fancy British cabaret bar. And these two, like there were the, what must have been like British lords there. They were wearing wigs. There was two guys who came out that were like 80 with full length fur coats that were just like finishing up their meals. Huh?

Cool. It was pretty cool. And then we saw this play where everyone pretended for three hours and when we were done, everything was closed we couldn't get anything to eat london is not the city that never sleeps no it sleeps no it sleeps this is such a cute day that they've arranged yeah it was yeah i felt bad complaining like i didn't i felt bad complaining about the play but i did no did you make it known? Did they know? No, I did not make it known. Did anyone listen to this podcast?

No, no one's into things that no one else likes. Only you, Claire. Yeah. So, I mean, they, the rest of the people in our group were American and they definitely were like, those accents. Yeah. Oh. Those accents.

Do you enjoy theater? Love the theater. You love the theater. No, no, no. I haven't really gotten to see too much of it, I guess. Okay. I saw a student production of Hedwig and the Angry Inch at the U of T last year. It was fine.

Yeah? Yeah. It was fine. I saw To Kill a Mockingbird on Broadway in October. I liked that. Sure. No, it's short.

Shorter. Yeah. I didn't, I never thought of Death of a Salesman being three hours long. I never, I've never known the story.

Yeah, it's such a small book. Yeah. Is it a book? Well, I mean, like when you read, like I read it in like grade 12 English or whatever.

No, we never read it. Very small play. Yeah. And the movie version is not. well I mean like when you read like I read it in like grade 12 English or whatever we never read it very small yeah and the movie version is not I only know it as a reference on Seinfeld

because they keep referring to George as Biff that's right yeah I um yeah

did they add stuff in yeah there was like um holy Yeah, there was like, um. Holy improv. Yeah, there was like a hologram Tupac came out. Um. I felt, I always felt like, uh, inclined to like that play because my dad was a salesman. It was like, he's's like very everything is sales.

Right. It's not a celebration of the salesman. No. And I don't celebrate them either. My dad has a lot of stand-up advice that's centered around everything is sales. Everyone in the audience, you have to give them

all a good handshake. Yeah. He has a lot of advice about around everything is sales. You got to go, everyone in the audience, you have to give them all a good handshake. Yeah. All right. Yeah. He has a lot of advice about like how to get the wife on board. Oh, sure.

How to get the, what does your dad sell? Yeah. I want, I want, I want some of this advice. I want to get the wife on board. Yeah.

My dad always sold furniture when I was a kid. Now he sells RVs. Okay. Yeah. I just remember the last, one of the last times I was in Edmonton, he had just, he got a little drunk and he had a lot of,

he was very, he's really insisting that he had a lot of wisdom to impart because everything is sales. Yeah. Everything is sales. Yeah, everything's sales. And I don't really remember what any of it was because I just remember being in a blind rage the entire time. You know, you accrue this knowledge in a field. Where are you going to dump it? Apparently, you don't need to get the daughter on board.

Yeah. He really doesn't want to sell this information to me. Yeah, a lot of people think you can't make the leap from furniture to RV, but he did it. He's the guy. He's the guy who did it. So anyway, I was there. Oh, sorry. No, it's fine.

It's not a monologue, guys. It's a play. That's right. Oh, the set's changing. Oh, and now we're in the kitchen. Oh, the set's changing. Oh, and now we're in the kitchen. So we, yeah, so we went back to the hotel and then the next day I went home.

So it was like, I was there for, I was in the air for 20 hours total and on the ground for maybe 45. So 10%, almost 10% of that time was spent at Death of a Salesman. That's true. But it felt like more. Oh, wow. But yeah, so London, let's hear it for it. Hey. Keep it up.

It was very Christmassy. It was very fun to be there at Christmastime. Oh, yeah. It was very Christmas-y. It was very fun to be there at Christmas time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, they strike me as a city that would do the holidays in a big way. Lots of lights. Lots of lights, lots of Dickens.

Lots of Dickens. Oh, boy. Never been. Never been? No. It's great. A great place to go for two days. Yeah?

Yeah, and more. Yeah. I didn't sleep. I did not. I slept. What? Maybe two hours on the plane there. And then that, so that was Sunday night and then Monday night, maybe three hours.

And then. Well, I can only imagine it would be very expensive to stay anywhere. So that's probably the way to do it. Just don't sleep. Well, yeah, we did have a combination.

No, but Claire's right if you're this is this is yeah go really

for a very short time yeah don't sleep don't sleep and just keep kind of going from coffee shop

to coffee shop Costa to Costa tea go from oh boy what's the Pret a Manger to Pret a Manger

yep these are these are the chains oh Costa is everywhere oh yeah yeah and Pret Pret a manger to Pret a manger. Yep. These are the chains. Oh. Costa is everywhere. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And Pret. What's their Circle K? Their Circle K, that is Marks and Spencer's, I guess. Marks and Sparks. Wow, that sounds so dignified. Yeah. But Marks and Spencer's also sells, like, lingerie. Yeah, but they have them in, like, train stations, and you can buy, like, a sandwich from Marks and Sparks. And like lingerie. Yeah, but they have them in like train stations and you can buy like a sandwich from Parks and Sparks.

And a brassiere. Yeah. Or there's like pie shops and stuff. Yeah. Greggs. Yeah, Greggs. That's right. I realized on this trip I'm very inclined to go anywhere that's just a man's name and then what it is.

Oh, yeah? Like I was trying to find coffee in Fairview yesterday, went to Tony's Coffee. There was all these other, like, fancy-sounding coffee places. Tony's Coffee. And then I saw a Gary's Soap or something, and it was, like, terrific. This is where I'll wash up. Yeah.

This is where I'll wash my mouth out for swearing. Do you guys ever do that to yourselves? To myself? No, but somebody told me that, I can't remember this story, so I'm not going to start it. Something about liquid soap, though. Oh, Margot Swarback did it the other day. Oh, yeah. She caught herself.

She knows the, I guess she knows the words. Yeah. I don't know where she's learned them. But she was saying something was lucky. Dennis Leary's album, probably.

She was saying something was lucky and she was like, lucky, fucky, whoa, whoa. And she like caught herself.

No, good for her. And I said, what did you say? She said, lucky, ucky. Yeah.

Nice. Nice. Good cover. Wow, she's quick. You totally did not. It's fine. Yeah. Nice. Nice. Good cover. Wow, she's quick. You totally did not. It's fine. Yeah.

You stopped yourself. She's pretending. Exactly. She should see a play. I saw Matilda last year or this year. That's right. That was fine. Yeah.

I just didn't like this play. Yeah. Maybe it's just the one play you didn't like. It's just fine. You know, it's fine to not like a play. I'm trying to... I don't think I... But I want a write-off theater. Yeah. That's good.

I don't think I've been to any plays that aren't my friend's fringe productions. Right. Like, I've seen a Graham Clark fringe play. That's right. Your play. But I guess it's not really a play. It's in the giant umbrella that is theater, but on the fringe of it. But yeah, most of the theatrical productions I go to are friend connected.

Yeah. Which is because going to see a play is very expensive. Very expensive. I did actually get to see Come From Away. Oh, yeah. Like two years ago. And then we, my friend and I also, I don't know how we afforded it, but we went and saw Jukebox Hero, the musical.

Oh, yeah. That was amazing. I've never heard of that. It's just like, it was like a musical based on the music of Foreigner. Whoa. Yeah, it was great. I loved it. What's another Foreigner song?

They've got uh cold as ice yeah um they've got rev on the red line oh yeah why are plays so expensive because uh you're paying for them to you're not just paying for them to act it for the hour you're paying for them to have rehearsed it yeah and it's the spaces are always beautiful you know theaters are always yeah and it's also like you can't do a play on a large enough scale to like lower the like a movie like you can make a you can show a movie in enough towns to lower the overall ticket price but like a play is just one town and they have to do it every time yeah exactly they don't just do it the one time a lot of people went to see i guess it was fleabag the stage show oh being simulcast to a bunch of movie theaters yeah yeah

yeah but that's because that's uh popular on tv yeah yeah yeah yeah god bless tv yeah like if if there was uh the wire the, people would go see that. And then we'd go see a movie version of The Play. Yes. That's kind of what I thought I was seeing. So yeah, quick trip to London. Thumbs up. Yeah.

How are you? I'm great. Thank you for asking. Speaking of quick trips somewhere, I went somewhere not as exotic as London town. But all in one day, I traveled to Nanaimo, BC to do do corporate, which I don't do a ton of. Do you do corporate stuff? Not really. No.

We kind of have talked about this at Havana. Yeah. I mean, you kind of always do it because corporations are people. So if you're performing for people, you're doing corporate. That's true. All corporations are people and all people are corporations. Corporation's your people, my friends. Yeah. It goes both ways.

So I was going to do this corporate in Nanaimo and I thought it was at night because I assumed it was like a Christmas party that was that night. And I contacted the... And you got your phone reminder, 10 minutes. And you got your phone reminder, 10 minutes. Well, I sent an email at the beginning of the week saying like, you know, what time? Because the woman booking it, or sorry, whoever was booking it said, I'll book a flight for you to come over. So, because the ferry takes too long. So, I was like, well, I guess book the four o'clock because I assume it's, you know come over. So, because the ferry takes too long. So, I was like,

well, I guess book the four o'clock because I assume it's, you know, seven. And they were like, no,

it's a noon. And I was like, ah, okay, well then book whatever flight you need. Yeah.

And, um, the flight was on a helicopter. Oh, yeah. Which I have never. Six, I think.

Six. And then two seats up front for pilot and co-pilot. To check everyone's genes. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Believe me. If you had ripped jeans, you would be the only one. It was very, everyone on this flight is rich.

Wow. you would be the only one. It was very, everyone on this flight is rich. If I've taken the airplane over, and that's, that's like a 20 minute flight, and it's, you see the water the whole time, and it's about 15 people on the plane, and they're just normal people. Yeah, this is,

helicopter is like one step above, and I've never been on a helicopter before. You? You? It's weird. It is because with a plane, there's the whole lead up. You know, there's the kind of the runway, the takeoff, then you're in the air. Helicopter, you just go up.

Yeah. Like it's the propellers going and then just without warning, you're in the air. Helicopter, you just go up. Yeah. Like, it's the propellers going, and then just without warning, you're in the air. It's very unnerving. It's smooth. It's very smooth. Okay. Like, there's no bumps or anything on the landing. You just kind of go like, whoop, and then boop.

There's no villagers who come to you for help and then throw a grenade in there yeah i mean and there's also we let a rope ladder dangle for anybody who needs to get like a last second escape um but yeah it was uh it was weird because the pilot said uh he before he got on i hated that he did this i was like like, let me off. He was like, well, I was talking to the pilot who just came from Nanaimo. And it's pretty foggy over there. So this could be a bit tricky. And I was like, no, let's not go.

Like, let's not. If it's tricky, then. But I understand there's a corporation that needs a comedian. All of the people on the helicopter except for me were going to this corporate. Wow.

Yeah. Because it was the Nanaimo Chamber of Commerce annual luncheon and so everybody We brought in some people from

Vancouver who like lunch too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It was a spread that you just can't get here. And the guy who was organizing it was like uh he's like let me know if you want any local uh you know information or whatever if you want to add that in or whatever and so i was

like yeah if there's something local i'll i'll go with that and uh he said, well, like, there's a new city council. And the old city council was, like, insane. And so I, like, Googled it. And their old city council was insane. Like, there was, like, people throwing chairs during the meetings. There was, like, scandals of money and paper shredding and uh and like the mayor had uh had like uh just everything was malfeasance they was uh and so i brought it up during the set i was like hey you guys got a new uh city council and instantly you could tell people were like let's not no don't don. We're not ready to talk about this.

This is not funny for us still. And after the show, he was like, yeah, sorry about that, man. I really thought they'd go for it. Because you can usually tell people, like, here it comes. Well, it's like a really small place, right? So the people that were on the city council, they can't have gone far. The old city council is married to the new city council. It's all their spouses.

But yeah, it was funny. They just weren't ready. The time had not come yet. What is like, is a noon gig okay? It was great. Yeah, they're not normally. A corporate at night kind of sucks too

because everyone has to behave in the daytime and they want to just like talk to each other and then here comes a comedian. Yeah. This was great because nobody was drunk and they were in the zone where they have to each other and then here comes a comedian. Yeah. This was great because nobody was drunk.

Mm-hmm. And. They were in the zone where they have to pay attention to someone. Exactly. They were like, just had like, you know, a nice lunch. Like, it's not like these Christmas parties at night where it's like, oh, just eat as much roast beef as you possibly can stick in your face. And like, just get tired and weird. And it was just like in your face and like just get tired and weird. And it was just like, here's a lunch.

Get tired and weird. Say weird things. I've seen a lot of comedians are now doing corporates where they're like hosting Family Feud or a pub quiz. That's smart. Anything but doing stand-up at a corporate seems like the right thing to do like a game show or improv or magic or karaoke or anything but please be quiet and listen to my observations about modern life oh my god the only like the only kind of corporate i did this year was in Grand Prairie at the casino and it was like

three sort of like trades-based companies were having their Christmas party at the casino and that was that was the only people that were there was these like three big tables of companies I just walked in and was like one whole table was just like trades dudes without a hat on. Like they were just, you could tell they were guys that were like already uncomfortable because they didn't have their ball cap on. Like they still have the shape of the hair. And I was just like, these guys are my audience. They can't wait to hear what I have to say about cabbage.

What is the deal with it? Yeah, yeah. about cabbage. What is the deal with it? Yeah, yeah. There's one I did years and years ago and the whole room were people who were working on

this highway extension. And so they were just around loud machines all day. So everybody's hearing was not great. And so they were all talking very loud and so even when they were

trying to whisper it was like it was like just this and halfway through the show the guy came over

and tapped me on the shoulder and said just gave me the cut it out sign show's over oh that's the best yeah it was the best

here's your check. Thank you. Thank you. Guys in the back can't hear you. So, it was great because it was just they realized, oh, no, these guys just want to drink. Yeah, that's all anyone wants. That's so nice. Yeah.

Oh, my God. Yeah. Like, it was nice that you tried to do a nice thing. The theme of this year's Christmas party is the enchantment of winter. I've also done ones where you're far away from everything. Oh, yeah. And so then when you're done, you have to like wait for a cab or whatever if you didn't drive, which is I don't usually. And so then you're just at that, now you're just at their party.

Yeah. And you're just, nobody wants to talk to you because they're like. Oh, I hate that so much. Yeah. It was, I was stuck in a golf course once for like an hour. Oh. After the show. The worst experience for me this time around was i did these shows in dawson creek bc

at a boston pizza and i was hosting and uh there was just me and another comic and i didn't even do terribly like i did fine i was happy with my sets when i got off but then the headliner was just like he's a friend of mine and he's just he's very alberta and he was just like exactly what they wanted just he's very funny and he just destroyed this room and then like we had we had driven there together and then i had to sit with him after the show as people just like gushed all over him and then would kind of make nervous eye contact with me a little bit and i just had to wait oh we didn't realize that we didn't enjoy you until him we liked you at first but now we know we didn't realize that we didn't enjoy you until him. We liked you at first, but now we know we didn't. Yeah.

It was just a lot of like, I just wanted to like, just stop looking at me. Either throw me a compliment right now or just don't look at me. Yeah. The way to do it is just to glance, catch eye contact with both comics and say, great great show but make sure that the great show lands on the comic that you like but that way it covers both yeah and then there's no awkward and i don't think there's any real way to be gracious in that situation like or or like seem sane you know like for you yeah like either i'm like i seem like i'm accepting praise that's not being given to me, or I seem like I'm grumpy. It's true.

Yes, you're welcome. From the both of us to you and yours this holiday season. Yes, I did do great. Now, Graham, this is our last episode of the decade that's right so Graham and I I don't know if

Graham told you he mentioned yeah I didn't come up with anything that's fine Graham and I have each come up

with our list of the top 10 things things of the decade yeah we talked about this on last week's episode I think

yeah top 10 things of the decade do you want me talked about this on last week's episode, I think. Yeah. Top 10 things of the decade. Do you want me to start? Sure. Okay. So this is everything from 2010 to 2019.

The top 10 biggest things. Oh, biggest things. I went with the biggest things. Top 10 just biggest. Yeah. Number 10,

the wealth disparity in America and worldwide. As the gap between the richest and poorest citizens reached its highest level since the lead up to the Great Depression. Oh, yeah. Wow. Good one. Yeah.

That's a good one. Ominous. Number nine, the cash me outside girl. Oh, yeah. Now known as bad baby. Oh. Yeah. That's it. Oh, okay. Yes. Number eight Bad Baby. Oh. Yeah. That's it. Oh, okay.

Yes. Number eight's got to go. Yeah. I had that on my list twice. She was on Maury Povich, and then she became a decent rapper? No, Dr. Phil. Sorry. Yeah.

Sorry, Povich. Yeah. And she also got in a fist fight with a YouTuber at a mall. I mean, that's really, that could wrap up the whole decade right there. Number eight, the death of Osama Bin Laden and the rise of ISIS as a terror threat in the Middle East. Yeah, that was big. Huge. This is really, I love the vastness of this list.

Well, I mean, it was a long decade. Number seven. People doing the Bane voice. Oh, nice. Yeah, that's true. That was huge. That was. So big.

I hope that continues into the next decade. I think it will. Number six. The Me Too movement shining the light on the epidemic of sexual violence, harassment, and inequality perpetrated against women. Yeah. Huge. Number five. Vuvuzelas.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Remember Vuvuzelas? Those horns they had at the World Cup? Vuvuzelas. Claire does not remember. No, I do not. It's a vast list. Yeah.

You remember the Kashmere Tide Girl? Vaguely. Okay. All right. I remember Me Too. Yeah. You remember the Kashmere Tigal? Vaguely. Okay. All right. I remember me too. Yeah. It's on there. Yeah.

Six. Number four, Black Lives Matter and the tensions between the American police and people of color becoming increasingly publicized. Number three, reboots. Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Charlie's Angels coming in hot at the end of the decade.

Number two, reaching the point in the climate crisis where saving the planet is impossible and you're full of sadness and regret. Even though you know that no personal actions of yours, no reduction of carbon emissions, no move to a plant-based diet. No reusable straws could have averted this disaster. While you were well aware of the crisis, you hoped that human ingenuity would save us all. But that hope fades with every melting iceberg, and you're tormented by the thoughts of how your loved ones will spend the end of the world. And number one, the cronut. Yeah, delicious. Delicious. I don't know.

I've never had one I was saying delicious to the climate crisis oh yeah I had my first cronut oh yeah in Edmonton

and great yeah what's the did it lean more crow or nut I feel more nut

more nut more donut but it was stuffed with some kind of eggnog cream so I feel like that like compromised you went

for your first cronut you went with of eggnog cream. So I feel like that like compromised the crow. You went, for your first cronut, you went with an eggnog. That's all they had. Okay. Fair enough. It was really good. The holidays too. You just had it? Yep.

I didn't know it was still around. At Tony's? Tony's Coffee? No, no, no. At an Edmonton spot, Farrow. Farrow. If you're ever in Edmonton, go to Farrow. I didn't know it lasted this long.

I thought it was just a flash in the deep fryer. Well, Edmonton is about 25 years behind. Was it deep fried? Was it cooked like a donut or a croissant? That's a great question, Dave. I will get back to you. Okay. I think it's like the Bane voice.

It'll continue into the next. I hope so. It's the death of a hope so. I'm from. It's the death of a salesman. Really fun thing to do is if you see a dog with a muzzle to do the Bane voice for the dog. They like that. That is fun. Yeah.

Yeah, I like that. I'm too scared of dogs with muzzles. My top 10 list of the decade is top 10 airport restaurants that I ate at and what I ate there. Okay. Starting at number 10. Personal cheese pizza at Gondola Pizza, Winnipeg International Airport. Recent. Yeah.

Well, no, it's not there anymore. Oh, boy. It turned into a freshie. Putin at the Pork and Pickle Pierre Elliott Trudeau airport oh in Montreal you eat in the airport? yeah

if I've got a long enough wait or if it's you know if I've got to wait what do you call it when you change planes? layover? yeah

I was going to say changeover but that's not right not right not right you know yeah good thing you know. You've got old standby here. You've got old buddy pass.

Foot long sub, Jersey Mike's, Newark Airport. Oh, you did? Yeah. Newark Airport is pretty bare bones. They got a Jersey Mike's, and they'll put a lot of dressing on your sub. Now, can you have, are you allowed to have, like, soiled jeans? Yeah, I would imagine no. Like, you're allowed to just spill.

Soiled. It really makes it sound like you're asking if you can just shit your pants. I mean, like, can you spill, like, a whole tub of ranch dressing on your jeans and get on the plane? I guess it depends on who your, like, gate agent is. I bet you the first lady I encountered

would be fine with it. Those jeans look like they've been soiled. Slice of pizza, Wolfgang Express, Chicago O'Hare Airport. That made number six. Yep.

Because, you know, Wolfgang Buck, he can make a decent slice. I mean, he invented pizza. Yeah, that's right. He invented a modern pizza. Or a bunch of these pizza. Those are the two pizzas.

You know what? Wait. No, I want to know now. I didn't. When I saw the play, I didn't say, when's this guy going to die? When's this salesman going to die? Does he really die? Mushroom Omelette, Wayne Gretzky's Wine and Whiskey, Edmonton International Airport.

Oh, hey. Oh, boy. I have a few faves I hope make the list. Are any from Vancouver? I guess I shouldn't even ask. No, no. No Vancouver's made the list. Oh, boy.

Yeah, you'd be eating before or after. Yeah. Yeah, but you always, every time I fly with you, you're like, we got to go to Vera's Burger. Oh, boy. Yeah, you'd be eating before or after. Yeah. Yeah, but you always, every time I fly with you, you're like, we gotta go to Vera's Burger. That's true. Vera's should make the list.

Oh. But got edged out by nachos at Planet Hollywood LAX. Ooh. Oh, this was, I was like, oh, of course, this decade you went there.

Yeah, this decade. Eggs and potatoes, Finn McCool's Toronto Airport. I had a nice meal at Finn McCool's in there. Yeah, this decade. Eggs and Potatoes, Finn McCool's, Toronto Airport. I had a nice meal at Finn McCool's in Toronto. It's F-I-O-N-N? Yep.

Fionn. Fionn McCool's. Caprese Sandwich, Costa, Edinburgh Airport. Oh, yeah. And rounding out the list at number one, a 12-inch veggie sandwich Subway, Calgary International Airport.

Terrific. Subway makes a lot. It's going to make a lot of top of the decade lists. I'm shocked none of that was Chili's. Yeah, I guess. Oh, no, wait. Did I have a Chili's? You and I went.

I might have skipped over one of them. It did seem like a short 10. Oh, yeah. Bloomin' Onions Chili's. Oh, thank God, I might've skipped over one of them. It did seem like a short 10. Oh yeah. Bloomin' Onions Chili's. Oh, thank God. Did we have that together? No,

no. You had two from Newark, weren't you? Yeah. Wow. We went to Newark airport. Yeah. But I feel like we,

it was maybe a TGX Fridays. Yeah. No, I had it coming back from the fringe festival because it was the only thing on the menu I could eat. And I didn't know what it was. And when it arrived, I was like, what the fuck is this? Bloomin' Onion? Yeah.

I hear about it. Yeah, I haven't seen it. It's kind of like just a bunch of fried onion. It's like instead of making the onion into rings and then deep frying it. It's just a whole onion. You score it and let it open up and it's crazy looking and you can't finish it no no and it's disgusting it's a zillion calories but when they when they brought it to my table it was like like a prank like yeah here's your

crazy thing that you ordered you idiot gotcha herecha did it here's the gotcha platter there's a place that has a blooming onion but they they're not allowed to call it a

blooming onion you can call it a bloomeme I feel like there's like a knockoff one that's got kind of a funny name

we'll get it in the break alright alright speaking of which is it time for some overhers? sure

hey I'm Dan McCoy Speaking of which, is it time for some overhers? Sure. Hey, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. Together, we're The Flophouse. A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Movies like Space Hobos, Into the Outer Reaches of the Unknown and the Things That We Don't know, the movie. And also, who's that grandma? Zazzle Zippers, Breakdown 2, and Backhanded Compliment.

Elvis is a policeman. Baby Crocodile and the Happy Twins. Leftover Potatoes? Station Wagon 3. Herbie Goes to Hell. New episodes available every other saturday available at maximum fun.org or wherever you get your podcasts bye overheard it's a segment where you hear things out there in the world and then uh boy oh boy

when the podcast comes around time to share them now before we get to these, I've looked it up. Yeah. The Chili's Bloomin' Onion is known as the Awesome Blossom. Oh, okay. And it was ranked the worst appetizer in America by Men's Health in 2008. Oh, Men's Health would rank it low. For having 2,700 calories and 203 grams of fat. But it's worth it because it's so disgusting.

I think the average human has like 2,000 calories a day. Yeah. Except The Rock on cheat day. Man. Have you ever seen his like. He's like Michael Ph a day. Yeah. Except The Rock on cheat day. Man. Have you ever seen his like. He's like Michael Phelps. Yeah. He just eats like two whole pizzas

and all this like crazy junk food. I don't know if he does. They don't have videos of him eating it. Every cheat day. What's his cheat day? What is his cheat day? What day of the week? Oh, I don't think it's weekly.

I think it's like every couple of weeks he gets a cheat day. Once a year. Yeah. He's the Kumail Nanjiani of my generation. Boy. But like the rest of his diet is just like chicken breast and rice or something? No, he eats so, it's so funny. Like all he eats every day all day is cod

he's he's basically a marine mammal they've had to put a moratorium on the rock our oceans can't take the rock if you found out there was well that's so funny too because Newfoundland is also called the rock. Yeah. Do you... If there was a food that like... Within reason, I guess,

like not an awesome blossom, but like it was the one thing you ate to... Guacamole. But like if it was guacamole was like the thing that kept you healthy? Guacamole. Guacamole every day. That's all I would do.

Well, and I could get chips with it, right? Yeah. Yeah. I guess so. Yeah. On your cheat sheet.

Please, Dave, give me chips. They're cod chips. I guess it would be Ritz crackers. Would Ritz crackers keep me healthy? Then I would eat

Ritz crackers all the time. And that would be my cod. What would be your cod? I guess noodles are not ever going to be allowed, right? No, I guess not. You could have rice and sauce. What are the rules here? I mean, I feel like he's just eating a protein.

Yeah, but specifically, it's like he eats like so many cups of cod. I could just do, I could like literally eat any kind of like meat. If it was just like one meat, I would get boring. Yeah. I could do like steak. Well, your life's exciting because you're in Jumanji. You don't need to get excited for food. Yeah.

It'd be really difficult to both eat less meat and only meat. Yeah. Well, we're living in a world where I did not make that New Year's resolution. That's right. Your New Year's resolution was to smash your box office record. Yeah. Now, we... We mentioned overheard

Yeah we mentioned overheard We wandered away from overheard We always like to start with the guest Okay Claire will you lead the charge? I can do that Mine is very old That's fine

And it's like It's a It's sort of a weird overheard Because it was The person said it I think kind of to me But he wasn't talking to me That's fine

It was years ago When I was waitressing At Boston Pizza said it, I think, kind of to me, but he wasn't talking to me. That's fine. It was years ago when I was waitressing at Boston Pizza. There was the second Boston Pizza reference. That's one chain I don't mind taking over. Oh, yeah. Second choice after guacamole would be cactus cuts. I could eat those

all day. What are those? The spicy chips they have with the spicy dip. Oh. Okay. Well, you should get to more Boston pizzas. Yeah, yeah. Well, Valentine's Day is coming up. Although I really usually get the heart-shaped pizza.

Yeah. Well, they put, have you had pierogi pizza? No. No. I don't know. And they also have like a turkey and stuffing pizza this Christmas. Yeah, they have that. You guys seem like very new Boston Pizza fans.

I'm an old head. I haven't. I would only, I would go and every time I would just get the lasagna. Oh. Yeah. And I would go to Boston Pizza in any small town that after the show I wanted something to eat. And Boston Pizza was the only thing open. In the future, Cactus Guts and Boston pizza was the only thing well then in the future

cactus guts and perky pizza anyway okay so I was serving this family very young family it was like a man

and a wife or I don't know if they're married and they had a little girl and she was on her iPad and she was just so poorly behaved

like she was just screaming and like they the parents never even really looked at each other or at the kid like they were just like a very miserable young family um and yeah the kid was just like running around she was just rude and and screaming and then uh when they when they were done they came to pay but the mom took the kid outside because like the kid was just so bad

and the dad was paying and he was just like i hate that woman oh holy cow yikes yeah yeah and i was like well have a good day yeah what are you up to later yeah the got any got any plans after this what do you do if you hand your kid an iPad as a distraction and that doesn't distract them enough

yeah give them a Nintendo DS virtual boy yeah VR um wow no Boston Pizza

is a place of love yeah it is a pizza of love yeah I, it is. It's a pizza of love. Yeah. I had heart-shaped pizza. Cactus. Cuts.

Cuts. I was going to say cakes. God damn it. How many calories in those? Quite a lot, I'm sure. I can't even picture what you're saying. Spicy chips? They're like spicy potato.

They're like fries, but they're cut length or like chip wise. Chip wise. It's not right. Why aren't they at Cactus Club? They should. Yeah, that's what I assumed they were at Cactus Club. These cactus chips. I think because they're too trashy.

They're so good. Cactus Cuts at Boston Pizza. And there's like a debate amongst a lot of people of people like are the chips spicy or is the dip spicy so they're actual like potato chips yeah oh nice they look with a spicy dip or is the chip spicy it's both yeah it's got to be both like it's pretty easy to isolate there's a debate going on all right well give me one chip yeah the chip is spicy, but the dip is also spicy, but the chip is spicier. Okay.

So the dip is spicy, but you can cool the chip down. I love these so much. I'm not kidding. They put them on a pizza too, and it's called the pierogi pizza. Yeah. It's really, really good. The cactus cuts are on the pierogi pizza?

Yeah, yeah. Are they spicy on the pizza? Yes, they are, Dave. I don't think of pierogis as spicy. But they also put sour cream and bacon and green onions on the pizza. It's like, I think it's because they're like potato. Ah, yes. They're related by potato.

They're potato. Dave, do you have one over here? Mine is from London. So one night we got a cab back to the hotel. Gotta have the knowledge it's gonna be hard not to do so what's the knowledge they uh that you have to know all of the tests for taxi drivers is very difficult in london you have to have all these routes memorized even though now they have gps you have to know you have to know it.

And so we get in the cab. We're driving down. He's telling us all about this street here. The queen owns all of this. And she makes 60 million pounds a week just for people paying rent on Regent Street. Oh, wow. And like the Burberry store. They pay 25 million pounds a year in rent to the queen and have you guys seen the crown and we're talking about the and it starts going on about the crown it's so great and have you guys seen it and we're

like yeah we're like uh i've just started the third season he's like I'm only four episodes in And we're driving along And Boom We went past someone and he hit them Oh god But he only like he hit something And we were like did he hit the car What happened

And so he stopped the car and said I'll be a second The meter kept running of course so we went out or he went out and this guy's scam he just has somebody standing on the sidewalk throw baseball and it was like a super expensive um like sports car behind us when we looked out the window nice and uh the cab driver uh talked to the guy for a minute and came back and he said

oh I just hit his hand oh god I don't know if he meant like the guy slapped the cab

or something I couldn't tell exactly what happened but the guy was fine yeah well so that

it wasn't the payoff that uh and he gets back in the car and it's super awkward and we're driving a little longer

and he says uh that uh woman who plays princess plays Princess Margaret is really good. Except now he's gotten, he's not just talking over his shoulder, he's got like a little microphone that he's talking into and there's speakers in the cab. Then he just keeps going on about Prince Andrew and the interview he gave. Oh, yeah. About the Epstein stuff. Yeah.

Oh, yeah. A very uncomfortable interview. Yeah. And he kept calling him Randy Andy. And I'm like, that's not a great nickname for him because it's like. Really makes, it's cutesy. Yeah. It's cutesy and it's like everyone gets horny and but not everyone has sex with teenagers yeah it's like when they

call michael jackson wacko jacko yeah yeah well he was pretty wacko he was pretty well he did crazy things that's true he did he earned that nickname yeah yeah i I think Wacko Jacko is more incriminating than Randy Andy. Sorry. We just had a Randy moment ourselves. We touched toes. Yeah, it's funny because if you're in a cab, especially that you don't know, like, you know what, just let me out over here. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like you are at the mercy of whatever the cab driver wants to talk about. And well, it came up because he had hit that guy with his car. And once, uh, Prince Andrew, like hit a policeman with his, uh,

Range Rover. Cause he had gotten in a big fight with Charles. This guy had all the knowledge about the royal family. That's the knowledge. Scandally andally. What's your overheard? My overheard is walking past an older guy and a younger guy. And I was walking outside of a winner's.

Don't know what the equivalent is in the States. TJ Maxx. Yeah, TJ Maxx. And walking past. And you could tell, like, this guy was at the end of his line of suggestions. He said to the older guy, he said, well well we could go into winners and the old guy said what did i tell you about winners oh my yeah so i guess they weren't going into winners what did i tell you yeah what did i tell you about Winters? Can't go back there. Yeah.

They call me Randy Andy. Yeah, because I, you know, tried on a bunch of scantily andily clothes. I'm sorry. It's, you know, it's the holiday season. So whoop-dee-doo. And hickory duck.

But yeah, Winters is like a place that you go to get a last minute thing. And there's like a corral that you have to line up. They have this like human corral. And it just really is like the epitome of that horror of holiday shopping. Yeah. It's like, I'm buying something that I put no thought into for someone I don't really care about.

And it's like, and people are just like putting stuff wherever, you know what I mean? Like, they're like, is this the thing that I want? I don't know. I'll just put it over here. So everything is it's just it's just madness the poor sales

people are just like at their wits end it really is the nightmare scenario um you know a jingle all the way scenario yeah they don't have any toy everyone wants. And if they do, they just have one and it might be broken. Yeah, and it's in the homewares section underneath a stack of mirrors. It's just like the perfect place to get like a giant poster of Marilyn Monroe with tattoos. What did I tell you about winners? Exactly. What did I tell you about winners? Exactly.

Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the place. If you want to send one in, you could send it in to spy at maximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Hannah S. in Chicago, Illinois. But she was at the Asheville, North Carolina airport. But they have some nice sneaky snacks. Some barbecue. Oh yeah, absolutely. Well, that'll be my next trip.

Yeah. Next decade. Yep. Stay tuned to find out what restaurants I eat at, at what airports this coming decade. I was at the airport in Asheville, North Carolina and overheardard a kid, who appeared to be about 10, thinking out loud to their family. Hmm. The last time I had McDonald's was... Well, does McDonald's breakfast count? Yeah, so I guess that morning?

Yeah, sure, yeah. Well, they do all-day breakfast now, I think. Oh, yeah. And they also, like, always have the McGcgriddle is that or am i yeah they've had the mcgriddle for years i don't know i haven't been i haven't been uh yeah you're not uh with with your current mcdonald's or meat-free diet there's not really much there for you yeah no they i could get their weird salad or apple slices. And I'm allergic to apples, so no apple slices. Yeah. And fries.

Yeah, I could have fries. And a cola. McFlurry. I guess I could have a McFlurry. You could probably have a McGriddle, just cheese. Yeah. Yeah, they must have an egg. Oh, yeah, McGriddle, egg, and cheese, yeah.

Yeah. Go get it. Okay, I'm going to go. If I'm at McDonald's for breakfast, which is only like six days a week, I will get the McGriddle every time. Do you have a go-to McDonald's? No. No?

No. Just freestyle it every time you go? You've got a go-to at Boston Pizza? Oh, big time. Did you ever do any... I really can't believe how much time I spent talking about cactus. Did you ever do anything... Because I know at some of these chains, the staff comes up with their own hacks.

Hacks? Yeah, like their own, like, give me this dip with this. It's not on the menu. Yeah, with Progy Pizza, I would always ask for the cactus dip instead of sour cream ah okay everything with cactus dip

for sure okay uh no did you ever smuggle some out in your purse uh no

I now I did you ever soil your pants with cactus dip and try to board a plane. This is cactus dip. This is fine.

I cactus dipped my jeans. I sour creamed my jeans. This next one comes from Dennis from Ottawa. My spouse and I were browsing in a fabric land ooh ever been to a fabric land? oh big time

yeah a lot of fun got some fabric land hacks what's your fabric go for the scraps number one yeah make a Technicolor dream coat

yeah a customer caught the attention of an employee walking by customer are you going to be at the cash employee not for a few minutes i'm just helping someone out but linda is at the cash customer oh well wait then i don't want to deal with evil linda wow uh yeah um have you ever had that where you go to like a grocery store and there's maybe a cashier that's super chatty that you're like i'll go in this longer line yeah yeah there was definitely one at safeway who had a lot of opinions about oh you shouldn't buy this oh really yeah this is it's actually if you get this other one

it's better the men's health says this is yeah this is bad food or they she would like try to figure out what you were making yeah i had that i've had that at the grocery store like somebody's making cactus yeah their own awesome blossom i don't know know. Do you have a cashier ever that you've? No. No? No, I don't think so. You've just glided through. I just glided.

Have you ever had a cashier that you were like their favorite? That I was their favorite? Yeah. I don't think I have. These questions are, I'm like, do I even buy anything ever? Like, I don't. This is a consumer podcast. I really don't know. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And you're kind of like the ad busters of this podcast. You're like buy nothing. I have a very terrible memory of these sorts of questions. I really like

I'll remember an answer in like 25 minutes. Are you a regular anywhere? Where like people are like just have your drink ready? No. Well, I don't ever get...

I change up my things. I don't have things that I like. Right. Except, of course. Full stop. Except, of course. Yeah. The cactus dip.

Yeah. This last one comes from Chelsea from Bea from beaumont alberta oh i know where that is do you yeah where is it uh it's near edmonton okay yeah they've got a bunch of murals oh that'll save this little town that'll draw people in what a jerk this is an overheard from a local coffee shop two women are talking to each other

and we hear I don't have very many good friends there's a bunch that come and go but no really good friends other than Jesus of course

oh boy your best friend for life do you think she knew that's how she was going to end the sentence when she started it? Yeah. I'm going to really wow Jesus with this next one. Jesus is listening, and he's going to be like, oh, he doesn't have any friends. Yeah. I'm your only friend.

I don't want to hang out with this person then. I only want to hang out with the popular kids. But check out the murals in Beaumont, Elkwood. Yes, and additional overheards that are written in. We also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Go for it. 1-844-779-7631. That's one.

Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hello, Dave Graham, SpyPod World, and most esteemed guests. This is Matt and Anne Shreddington calling in with an overheard, courtesy of our five-year-old niece, Aubrey. Six? Six? Oh, man, she's getting old. We were driving and Auntie Ange was telling Aubrey that she should be a

YouTuber because Aubrey was telling us about all of these videos that she's learning stuff from. And Aubrey said, I don't know how to YouTube. And Auntie Ange said, but haven't you, there's this little boy on YouTube

who unboxes videos and... Unboxes gifts. New toys. New toys. And then you said, everybody's watching. Millions of people watch.

And Aubrey said, I don't. I don't watch. Well, off we go. That was a real team effort. No, you're getting it wrong. Why? I think that was anti-Ang.

Yeah. That's a new one. That's a new way to send in an over. Yeah, yeah. We've never heard, yeah, like a tag team. What was the punchline? Well, I don't. Or whatever.

Well, it was a two-parter. Let's listen just to the last bit here. I don't. I don't watch them. I don't watch them. Kind of stepped on the punchline. Yeah, a little bit.

Yeah. But every kid should be a YouTuber. Yeah. It's your birth Yeah. But every kid should be a YouTuber. Yeah. It's your birthright. If you grew up in the generation of YouTube, use it. Generation Y YouTube. Yeah.

Y-O YouTube. Yeah. You know, unbox a few things. Yeah. And re-box it, and then give it to the poor. Yeah. In this season. This season, absolutely.

Here's your next one hey dave and graham this is jesse from michigan and i haven't overheard for you i was at the doctors the other day and there was this couple the wife was filling out paperwork for the husband asking him questions and she says okay how many alcoholic drinks do you have in a week and the husband says three and the wife just looks at him kind of in disbelief, and he says, okay, fine, ten. But I don't want my doctor to know that. That's all. Bye.

I think we've all been guilty of fudging the numbers with our doctor when it comes to such things. When I had to do my period periodontist the gum doctor i had to fill an intake form and one of the questions was uh are you fearful of dental treatment yeah and i was like yeah yeah i think we all are how many dental treatments do you do a week um are you fearful of dental treatment are you uh i'm not fearful of it but i am not very consistent getting it i went to the dentist this year for the first time in like nearly a decade oh really yeah and loved it what was the what did the dentist say?

They said I had six cavities. Whoa. They got rid of a lot of plaque. I went because I thought I chipped a tooth, but it was just plaque. This big chunk of my tooth came out. It's just plaque oh boy that's what it starts to look like that's why I always thought plaque was black just like that ACDC song

you ever see anyone with black teeth no but i just thought you got many shades of white yeah yeah yeah all right final phone call hey dave and raymond guests this is shane in indiana. I was just in the gym, and in the locker room, there were some middle schoolers talking about their school, and one of them was in private school, and the other was in public school, and the kid in public school goes, but Alex, the great thing about public school are, well, two things. Number one, you don't have to wear a uniform, and number two, the teachers literally do not care about you. It's got it all.

Yeah. And kids haven't figured it out, so watch out. Oh, boy. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Yeah. Well, those were great overheards to cap off this year, 2019.

Should old acquaintance be forgot? Yeah. You decide. And never brought to mind? Hey, man. Is that it? Leave me out of this. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Sorry, old acquaintance. Claire, this brings us to the end of this episode. Do you have anything that you would like to plug? Anything that's coming up in the new year? When does this episode? It comes out on December 30th. Damn. The last day of Hanukkah as well.

Ah! 30th. Damn. The last day of Hanukkah as well. Ah! Yeah, I mean, like, I have my weekly show in Toronto every Tuesday, Comedy on College at Bureaucracy. Yep.

And then... Check out Boston Pizza for some cactus dip. I'm putting on a show with my friend Drew, who I alluded to earlier, talking about how well he did into Saucin' Creek at that Boston pizza. Oh, yeah.

We're doing a show in Toronto at the Piston sometime mid-month. It's going to be, I think we're calling it comedy night there, bud. It's going to be a celebration of people not from Toronto. Oh, okay. Nice. Comedy from away. Yeah. Comedy from away.

Well, comedy from away. Okay, that's the new name for it. So watch out for comedy night there, Bud. Yeah. In Toronto. In Toronto at the Piston. The Piston. Where's the Piston?

What street's that? It's just a couple doors down from Comedy Bar okay so many bars yeah it's right across the street from another bar

literally really yeah oh geez did I say that on air what that there's a bar called another bar

yeah yeah yeah you did oh I didn't believe you no there is I thought you were just pulling off the R spot thing yeah

no no no um so yeah check out those shows if you're in Toronto I thought you were just pulling off the R spot thing. No, no, no. So, yeah, check out those shows if you're in Toronto. And even if you're not from Toronto, go to Toronto. Go to Toronto. If you're from Alberta, go to Toronto. Use a buddy pass. If you're a family member of mine or a friend, please go to Toronto. Oh, you can stay on our couch.

She has no friends in Toronto. Yeah. Oh, no. Oh, no. No, I have friends. You're doing fine. stay on her couch she has no friends in Toronto yeah oh no oh no no I have friends you're doing fine in the friend department doing great

great yeah the teeth department I don't know teeth that's so good yeah oh I will be going for a follow up

dentist appointment in January as well I can be planning that cool do you have what street's that on it's in it's in the East End.

Okay. I wish I remembered what it was called because they really gave me a good deal. They're good, good people. Yeah. Whatever. Discount dentist. Yeah. Tony's dentist.

Cheapest dentist in town. Do we have anything to plug I don't no do I no no me neither

I mean you know there will be a time time enough for plugging when the dealing's done happy new year everybody yes happy new decade

happy new Shrek-ade yes oh yeah I forgot that we were entering the new Shrek-ade thanks new Shrekade. Yes. Oh, yeah. I forgot that we were entering the new Shrekade. Thanks for listening to the show. If you like the show, tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.

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