Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 617 - Gavin Matts

Episode Date: January 14, 2020

Comedian Gavin Matts joins us to talk moisturizing, Cats, and getting on the jumbotron.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 617 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who's, he's really, he's become a part of the Jet Set. Mr. Dave Shobka. Yeah, it's the set that I belong to.

What are the other sets? Oh, I... Do they all have to rhyme with Jet? No, I think there's like collector sets and... Oh yeah, erector sets. Erector sets. Headset microphone. Yep.

Just being on set. And setting your hair. Yeah. A couple episodes ago, I talked about how I had to go to London for 48 hours. And we're recording today's episode the day before i go back to london for another 48 hours to see a screening of another 48 hours oh yeah what uh i guess it's the anniversary of that movie yeah except uh boy they really screwed up and they got emilio estevez and richard dreyfus to show up from stakeout they They thought it was, they were celebrating another

stakeout. It was another 48. Oh, fair enough. Both great films. Both great films. Uh, Rosie O'Donnell is in the second

one. That's right. Yeah. Um, our guest today, uh, first time guest on the podcast. Uh, you can see

him on February 14th as part of Bill Burr presents the ringers. It's Gavin Metz. Hi, everybody. Hello, Gavin. Hello.

Thank you for joining us. Thanks for having me. Should we get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Gavin. Been a big year. Been a big year, Gavin Metz-wise.

Sure. Well, you were... You had a birthday. I did. How was your birthday? When's your birthday? March 15th. Ides of March.

Okay. People say that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do they? They do, actually. I'll say March 15th, and they say Ides of March. Does every month have an Ides? Huh.

I think it's just when Julius Caesar was assassinated. Yeah. So I think he was only killed the one time they say beware the ides of march the ides of march must have existed before he was killed then because otherwise he would have been like what are the fuck you're talking about yeah i guess maybe does the ides just mean the middle of the month i don't know man hard to say but it's a 31 day month yeah it's really the 16th that's true um how was your birthday this year uh it was good yeah yeah i remember my my my

friends surprised me with a cake the first time my friends had ever gotten me a cake yeah that's like right out of a sitcom yeah so it was nice it was a good cake from milk oh it was a milk ice cream cake in in new york um this was i was in la for my birthday okay and what's uh our milk ice cream cakes is that a famous kind of cake is it was it made out of the cereal ice cream yeah kind of it's a trendy new spot in New York and LA. Okay. The cereal milk ice cream. Yeah, if you didn't have a milk cake in 2019. Boy, I don't think I, I mean, what kind of cake did I have in 2019? Maybe a sponge.

What kind of cake did you have? Yeah, yeah. That movie that came out not that year. Black Forest Panther. Oh my God. Yeah, that's pretty good. black forest panther did you ever have you ever celebrated your champagne birthday do you know what that is no i don't even that's when you turn in your case it would have been when you turned 15 because it's the when the year is equal to the day of the month. Oh. Okay. And I guess you're supposed to have champagne there.

So you had yours when you were one years old. Congratulations. Graham had his. Wow, do you even remember it? Yeah, because I, well, no, I would have remembered it, but I drank so much champagne. You're right. well i know i would have remembered it but i drank so much champagne you're right um so you uh at the beginning of the year where you were living in l.a yeah and now you're making your home in new york yeah i live now i live in in brooklyn in bed stye okay and you uh love to

move yeah where where in uh 2020 philadelphia uh yeah I was thinking Philly, maybe Chicago. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Just try every city a little bit. See which one fits the best. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why the move from LA to New York? I just like, I kind of had a job opportunity in New York. And then I just like needed to do more stand-up.

So it just made sense. And my friend had moved out of his place in Bed-Stuy, so there was a room opening up in a place where I knew the people. And so I just found a friend to sublease my place in L.A., and then I just moved. I've never sublet before. No, me neither. I don't really know if it's like i'm saying sublet

but it's really just my friend is paying the rent yeah yeah yeah that's a proper sublet yeah like i but i know the person it's not like some random person right does he have permission to do that from the landlord i don't know yeah i feel like la is Yeah. Well, I don't know if... Like, I never... Where Lucy Lawless lives. Maybe. Yeah. Should she not go back to New Zealand? I don't know.

Do you know who Lucy Lawless is? No. Okay. Xena Warrior Princess. I know that name, but I don't know it. That's... Oh, wow. Okay.

Now, okay. I guess we've tiptoed around it around how old are you i'm 25 25 okay yeah so i feel like that's an acceptable age to not know what yeah warrior princesses yeah yeah i feel like that's a good cut off and sadly i kind of understand what it is from entourage because there's like a Comic-Con episode where Johnny Drama sleeps with, you know,

this girl who is like the Xena Warrior Princess version. So like I get. Okay. Huh. Entourage. Teaching.

Generation. What was Johnny Drama's show? Viking Quest or something? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Viking Quest. Yeah. Which was supposed to be like Hercules, I guess.

I think the worst thing you can do as a 25-year-old is bring up that you know Entourage Facts. I mean, that's your birthright. Yeah, okay. That's my champagne birthday. I think, yeah, Entourage.

Yeah. I think that was a really good pull. Like, putting him on that kind of, putting Johnny Drama on that kind of syndicated action show. Yeah. It was a really good move by them. There was a thing in maybe the late 90s. There was a bunch of these.

There was Xena Warrior Princess. There was Hercules. There was the young Hercules. What was the bike cop one? Oh, I remember Hercules. I just know that guy's face. Kevin Sorbo. Yeah.

Kevin Sorbo. Yeah. Who's now like a right-wing conspiracy theorist? Well, I mean, was he ever not? Oh, that's true. Yeah. Maybe we're just blinded by his Hercules. Right.

Hercules. Yeah. It was funny. I was thinking about the Baldwins and Alec Baldwin is like a left-wing nutjob and Stephen Baldwin is like a right-wing nutjob, and I was like, oh, I guess I agree with one of them more, but I don't have to like

either of them. Yeah, that's true. Is there a third Baldwin? He's just like a centrist? I feel like William is probably the most balanced of them all Because he was in Backdraft There's four

Baldwins? Maybe five Because there's Daniel Did Daniel pass away? Uh no Not well maybe I don't know But he was The one that came into the coffee shop

That I worked at and smoked in the bathroom Oh, in Vancouver? He smoked cigarettes? Yeah In the bathroom? In the bathroom, yeah Did no Baldwin Was smoking allowed in the bathroom?

Um, no And he knew it He was ashamed that he got caught But it wasn't a rainy day or anything. There was no reason to be smoking in the bathroom. He just wanted you to be like, is that Daniel Ball? Are you Stephen? Aren't you somebody special?

How long have you been in New York now? Since August. Okay. And how many roommates do you have? Two. Oh, that's good. Yeah. The place is actually nice.

Yeah. Like, I feel better about myself in the place in New York than I did in L.A. The place in L.A. was shabbier? No, it was fine. It's just this place is, like, kind of homey, and, like, I just like where I am. I think I'm just happier because you can walk and get a sandwich anytime you want. What's your favorite New York sandwich? I mean, I know you've only been there for like six months, but...

I mean, honestly, I haven't gone out to a sandwich shop, but just at a bodega, I just get a turkey and cheese, and I try to blend in. Is that like the neighborhood sandwich? Yeah, like in a bodega that, you know, you just walk in, in you go turkey and cheese you yell at the guy you're like let me get a i do that i don't think i could say that let me get a that's just kind of like there can i please have it oh wow i would still say it that way i would say can i please have sir please may i yeah i call everybody boss oh yeah yeah i'm like thanks boss i'd pick that up quick that seems like a very new york thing everybody says boss yeah i feel like they do uh indian restaurants they call me boss yeah yeah okay are they making fun of me maybe i think it's just like hey man yeah yeah but it's

it's not every culture it's new york and india yeah and i feel like saying boss is like your way of being like i i place you above me you're your boss yeah so anything you say boss right but if you said that phrase what i just said then it sounds sarcastic right that's condescending yeah and people generally don't like their bosses, I think. Oh, that's true. Especially in the service industry. Yeah. Kind of like food service industry. I don't know.

What do these guys in the bodega, do they call you sweetie or something? Do they have something they say back to you? I don't know. You just say, give me a turkey and cheese boss and then walk out. Let me have a... No, I've had fun conversations. They never give me a turkey and cheese boss let me have a no i've had fun i've had fun conversation the guy they never give me plastic bags anymore i mean their plastic bags are about to be illegal in new york city but they know not to give me one oh so we have that what do you and you just say whip it in my fanny pack yeah yeah no they just hand it to me and i hold the sandwich now they they uh i

in london when i was last there i think they've banned single-use plastics and in montreal as well last time i was there oh great but that just means they give you thicker plastic bags that you're supposed to reuse oh they still have bags, but they're just like... They're not the thin, weak-o ones. Huh. I went to a store in Montreal, like a used clothing store, and the bag they gave me was like a reusable tote bag. He just had a bin of reusable tote bags. Oh, cool.

And I was like... Don't we all? Yeah, don't we all? I use a tote bag now. Yeah? What's on it? It says Mr. Hot Bagelsels restaurant a bagel restaurant yeah i don't know new york has everything yeah it's a bagel themed restaurant they don't serve bagels

but everything's bagel shape i don't know if it's an actual place i did just get this new tote but before i had a tote for the brooklyn museum really blending in out there yeah yeah yeah with a patagonia fleece and a brooklyn museum tote bag um uh last night at the show i think you had your tote bag with you yeah and before the show graham did a show last night just to catch up the audience they were at the same place last that's right we're at the same place last night and uh before the show i noticed and i don't see this very often you uh you were moisturizing. And I was like, hey, here's a guy who's taking care of his hands.

Oh, yeah. This guy's taking care of his skin. Yeah, I'm trying to take advantage of the fact that I have a tote bag, you know? So I keep stuff in it. Yeah. Yeah, I try to moisturize because, you know, I was getting really dry skin out east and I would be itchy. My hands were cracked cracked so now I'm trying to stay ahead of it. What do you use? This is like some

it's just some like hand bomb repair. Okay. I was just going to say if he was going to say my brand I was going to give him a high five. Oh yeah? I have a lot of For Him stuff. Oh what's For Him? It's For Him's I think Oh For Him's. Yeah yeah yeah yeah but it's like their skincare stuff uh yeah yeah we uh what do you got a vino baby a vino oh nice gotta give me that

oatmeal oatmeal yeah yeah yeah nice i don't uh i don't use it i should maybe i should start i should start using something i i mean i put like i get like a big jar and after I shower, I like, I like Cetaphil my whole body. Oh, really? Wow. Okay. Yeah. Can I touch your, I guess, body? Elbow?

No, I guess it's a bad idea. Do you do face? 2020, I'm not touching my face. I have a sunscreen. It's like a SPF Trader Joe's enriched moisturizer. Wow. Okay. So you have a whole regimen going. Yeah. Wow. Okay, so you have

a whole regimen going. Yeah. This is great. Do you shower every day? Not every day. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

What about the days you don't shower? What do you do for lotion? Oh, I don't lotion my whole body those days. But I'll do like my arms or something. Just to keep you in practice.

Yeah, after I like wash my face in the morning. This is great. You know what I like about it it's not what he thought we were gonna talk about no yeah i got an aromatherapy pen too uh what's that a pen yeah it's just this thing from sage sage with a J? Saaj. Yeah, and you kind of just smell it, and I put some on, like, my neck, and it clears your sinuses. And it's a pen? Yeah.

Wow. It's like a roller pen. Oh, a roller pen. Okay. So you roll it on. You don't smoke. It's not like when you said pen, aromatherapy pen. I imagine you were vaping. Oh, no, no, no.

Eucalyptus. Oh, that's the new brooklyn thing everybody's smoking eucalyptus boy i can't keep up we're blazing our succulents that are dead i used to have uh like the only um uh i never wore cologne all right i owned cologne like twice and tried it and it was like this is i cannot unsmell it yeah but the one i once owned like a roll-on it was like a cucumber scented uh thing to put on and i was like oh this is mild and not too annoying but i still and you'd roll it on your neck? I guess so. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't like big smells either. No. I would go for my neck and my back. Uh, boy, I'd end up at my crack. Why would I go in between? Hmm.

Kneecaps? Yeah, probably my kneecap. Yeah. Kneecaps. Um, yeah. The,

uh, people, I feel universally that you use cologne and perfume have no idea how to use it. Oh boy. Unless they're like, I don't know. Have you ever smelled someone and they like, and they like smell so good, like a friend and you're like, what? And they don't even tell you what it is. It's like, yeah, yeah, yeah.

It's their secret. Yeah. But like when someone is getting, picking up a, uh, a scent or a fragrance of some thing and they look at the bottom they're like oh this has patchouli in it where have i heard people talk about patchouli i feel like uh it's culturally people love patchouli yeah everybody loves the smell i forget i forget what people feel about patchouli there's uh it's uh the worst How are they going to feel about patchouli and me? Yeah. If I put a modern spin on patchouli. Yeah, yeah.

I mean, can I be the patchouli guy? Can I be the guy to turn around patchouli's fortune? Yeah, if I just start wearing patchouli, are people going to accept it? Yeah. I'm the patchouli guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's a lot of ways it could go. It's really hard to buy stuff.

Patchouli guy? Is that? You added a uh at the end of patchouli. Oh, patchouli, uh? Is that? You added a uh at the end of Pechulia. Oh, Pechulia. Is that how I say it? Yeah, it's the Amy Adams Meryl Streep movie, Pechulia and Pechulia. When I worked at a video store, a guy used to come in and he always smelled like pipe tobacco.

And everybody in the store just loved him like i live in your overcoat yeah like he came in and it was just like it was like a visit from grandpa it was so nice then you find out he never smoked yeah yeah he just admits that he just like ate a lot of tobacco as a kid as a child he was in a tobacco accident it was just his personality was just tobacco yeah yeah but he like every time he came in it was like a special treat for everybody that rocks yeah imagine that oh he's here let's all get a whiff yeah yeah let's all have a like you would try to engage him in conversation so he'd stick around the till a little longer uh-huh yeah and the conversations were good he was you wouldn't

mind if he smoked in the bathroom no no he was no daniel baldwin why was daniel baldwin smoking in the bathroom he did though i mean the good name of that's a great name for a book why was daniel baldwin smoking in the bathroom and other stories yeah and other essays um so uh you're you tape this uh special uh or or what what is this bill berthik like i saw a trailer for it he like interviews you yeah so it's just like it's like uh he interviews you he he handpicked everybody it's like 16 people um some are like you know his friends that hadn't like had a break or got on tv yet like a couple people from the comedy store like eleanor kerrigan okay she's like so funny um she opens for dice she's oh really yeah she's like that kind of style she's like this older woman from like philly and she's like quick and so funny um but yeah opens for dice is a great

just a thing on a business oh yeah yeah opens for that it's one of the essays in the book opens for dice uh yeah so yeah she he handpicked 16 people and then um and yeah it's like an interview and then a five minute set set. Is he a good interview? I mean, I was in and out. It was like four minutes. Oh, wow. Yeah. And I had fun and I laughed.

That's all I remember. Okay. I don't know what was said. Did he ask you about your moisturizing? Yeah, yeah. No, he didn't. No, see? That's the deep stuff that you get here on the podcast.

They did have somebody call to field stuff before you went in. And it was Jay Larson, so it was another comic. And he called and he was like, yeah, have you ever almost died? Asking all these questions. And I was like, I've truly done nothing. My entire adult life I've been doing stand-up. Have you almost ever died i mean maybe maybe you you maybe you stopped breathing in your sleep you don't know yeah yeah maybe you were came very

close to being bitten by a radioactive spider yeah there's that wouldn't kill you it would just make it super powered well it made one guy super powered the rest of the the rest of the 99 out of that test group all died. Yeah, it's weird because people want some crazy story like that you've been living in a trash bin or something. They very much want this. Yeah, I know another guy on it. He lived in his car for two years in LA. Yeah, like I know another guy on it. He like lived in his car for like two years in LA.

Wow. If you live in your car for two nights in LA, you'll be the guy who lived in his car for 10 years on every show. Right, right, right. Like when Lachlan Patterson was on Last Comic Standing, they were like, okay, so you're a dog walker. And he's like, a little bit in my spare time. No, it's your whole deal. Yeah, he's just like, my girlfriend're a dog walker. And he's like, a little bit in my spare time. No, it's your whole deal. Yeah, he's just like, my girlfriend has a dog.

I walk it. Perfect. We'll create a narrative out of this. But I did an interview for a show that was on last season called Bring the Funny, I think it was called. Right, right, right. last season called bring the funny i think it was called right right and they really wanted like they were like they wanted the crazy story oh yeah they exploit anything nbc yeah and i was like i know what you're looking for here you're not gonna get it yeah don't have it yeah you don't need to be judged by chrissy te. Oh, I feel like I do.

That's why I tweet her directly every day. Yeah, she was one of the judges on that. So it was Jeff Foxworthy. She brings the funny. Yeah, she brings the funny. He brings the mustache. I mean, I don't follow him very much, but those redneck jokes are pretty good yeah and uh are you smarter than a fifth grader reboot yeah i forgot that was him yeah yeah yeah it's funny like he said you're young enough that you watch that as a fifth grader. Oh, yeah. And I never won.

Yeah. I was like, I'm not going to make it in the academic industry. I'm not part of the academic industry. In the academic industry. Yeah. Where you sell textbooks and whatnot. I never watched that show. They just picked really good fifth graders, like really smart ones. I never watched that show.

They just picked really good fifth graders, like really smart ones. I get, or they would ask questions that you would have learned, but forgot. Right. Like, what's the capital of Ecuador or something like that? Ecuador City. Yeah. Well, Dave's smarter than a fifth grader. Boy, what's the capital of Ecuador? Do you think you could do it?

No. That's why I purposely. I want to say Peru. But I think that's just a place. That's also a country. That's also a country. Yeah. Yeah, it's all places.

Ecuador City, Ecuador. It's Ecuador City, Ecuador. We don't have to get into the semantics of countries. A1, A1A. I watched a couple episodes of bring the funny and a one episode jeff fox who really said like a lot of your stand-up like if you if you go back and you listen to it it's like a time stamp of what you were thinking at that time and i was like so all through the 90s you were just thinking you might be a redneck if?

I mean, as a culture, I think we were all thinking that. That's true. Yeah. But. All through the 90s, Tim Allen was thinking. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I was thinking about him the other night. That he was like, he was one of the only comics when I was a kid that had like a catchphrase. But I feel like in the 50s or 60s or whatever, like you couldn't be a comic without a catchphrase. Yeah. You needed like something to get the audience. They're like, that's what that guy is. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. And then he was like Mrs. Maisel's catchphrase. Wouldn't you imagine yeah um yeah wait didn't Tim Allen smuggle cocaine

yeah yeah but that was before he rocks yeah he does rock until recently yeah

we don't like Tim Allen right um uh Home Improvement was good was it yeah but then he did try to say the n-word on The View oh right but they held him back Yeah, we don't like Tim Allen, right? Home Improvement was good. Was it? Yeah, but then he did try to say the N-word on The View. Oh, right, but they held him back. They did.

Megan McCain was like, I'm the only one who says it. Yeah, he kept slapping a censored sticker over his mouth. Who? Why won't you let me say it? I'm Buzz frickin' Lightyear. That should be his new catchphrase. Buzz freaking Lightyear. Then his wings pop out.

Yeah. Which isn't even Buzz Lightyear's catchphrase. He has a catchphrase. Yeah, that's right. He has a, yeah, he's like seven. Yeah. yeah he was like seven yeah um boy i wonder who who legitimately has like the career spanning the most catch phrases wow i bet it's shucky ducky who's shucky ducky oh you don't know shucky ducky he's like a def jam comic wow after every joke he says shucky ducky it rocks well like that does rock because like uh like tim

allen had whatever or more power or whatever and then to infinity and beyond yeah oh okay so like is there any like who's somebody that has had a bunch of like yeah i feel like his cast mate tom hanks life is like a box of chocolate. Life's like a... I am the captain now. No, that was not his catchphrase. But his reciprocal catchphrase, I'm not the captain.

I'm not the captain anymore. Look at you. I'm so big now. Yeah, now we're on the road to perdition what bridge is this it's the bridge of spies you're gonna walk that green mile wait that's why we need a new mask

because the mask the first one with Jim Carrey like Jim Carrey's the guy with the most catch ranges but I think it's the mask well no but what's his face Harry's the guy with the most catchphrases. But I think it's the mask. Well, no, but what's his face? Already then had a catchphrase.

Already then. Yeah, already then. And then smoking. Or somebody stopped me. Can the same character, do we count if a character has multiple catchphrases? Yes. If a character has more than one, then that's just in the bonus column. Okay, well, then does Forrest Gump have... Forrest Gump has chris ardway

at midnight points that's my favorite catchphrase of the 2010s points oh yeah what was the best catchphrase of the 2010s oh yeah i mean points is points is good points is great um you know just kind of like cash me outside cash Me Outside how about that maybe Fake News oh yeah Fake News is pretty good which is sad that the president has

the lead maybe a top 10 catchphrase probably near the end of the top 10 list like Cash Me Outside for sure Cash Me Outside is great

yeah I wonder if I just wonder if there's a point that anybody has a recording of the president saying cash me outside. Yeah,

or why so serious was a good one too. Oh, why so serious was good. Yeah. People said that for so long. Yeah. Um,

and then just a Bain impression. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, we went all over our top tens of the decade and there was a lot of that. Cash me outside was in it as was pain

um but like it was i feel like in the 80s or maybe it was the 70s like a commercial could generate a catchphrase that everybody's like where's the beef yeah mikey likes food wait but i think it's because that um there was there was nothing to like they needed repetition of catchphrases so that you would remember what the thing was yeah but now you'll just like see it on an instagram ad or whatever so you don't really need a catchphrase anymore that's true well i think you still do but what what's a famous ad campaign catchphrase now advertising campaign yeah yeah oh boy like oh i can still remember the activia activia one with the she wore a incy wincy teeny weeny yellow polka dot big remember

that i don't all right well i made it up in my head i guess well i know it's a song but for like the 60s oh really that's a real song oh i just know it is the activia commercial from like i love that 10 years ago because there's definitely songs i know just from a commercial activia i think only activia for 14 days you're gonna be able to get into that bikini oh is that it was a weight loss thing activia i thought it was just to make you like well let's go to the toilet it's toilet yogurt yeah yeah so it's toilet yogurt which helps you fit into the bikini through probiotics and poop can't believe you missed this whole campaign yeah america's number one brand of toilet yogurt uh doctor i'm my bikini's not small enough.

You need toilet yogurt. I'm going to prescribe you some toilet yogurt. Wow, I wish I was at that board meeting. Thank you. You're welcome. Well, I mean, do we want to go through every celebrity and all of their catchphrases?

Because The Rock. Oh, yeah, The Rock. The Rock had a lot of great catchphrases. What were his? Smell what's for dinner. Yeah. Eyebrow. Yeah.

Check this eyebrow out. Check this eyebrow out. And then he was in movies and it had, what were his catchphrases on ballers? Oh, yeah. Um, get the money. Get the money. Is that the money? Is that the money?

Where'd the money go? Oh, there it is. The money's in here. The money's in here. And he points at, uh, whatever briefcase. Yeah. Um. You just got Jumanji'd.

I've lost track of ballers. I watched the first season. It was this, uh, this generation's entourage. Yeah. I didn't first season It was this This generation's entourage Yeah I didn't watch it at all It was sports entourage No What are you

What are you watching? What are you watching Instead of Ballers? What level of Yeah what's What's taking the entourage Place Or are you still

Still watching entourage? I'm still just God What's scratching that itch? Yeah I don't know I think I watch more movies now Okay Like I'll just watch movies Instead of bitch Yeah I don't know I think I watch more movies now Okay

Like I'll just watch movies Instead of a show I don't like Real film I watched Watchmen though And is it good? The new one yeah Very good

Highly recommend I watched Most of the first episode And then I forgot to watch Any more of it It's okay You know what I mean Because then Ballers comes on And you don't need to know anything.

You get fired up and your heart is racing. Yeah, yeah. You're like, are they going to get the money? Where's the money? There it is. Happening to these Ballers. Abby, my wife, watched all of Watchmen and was obsessed with it. And watched the episode right when it came out every week.

Then listened to two podcasts about it. Then re-watched it and found all the secret stuff hidden in it. Super fan. Nice. And re-read the graphic novel. It was that good. I think to create that. Have you read the graphic novel?

So long ago. When the first movie came out. But this isn't really the same thing. It's just like a continuation continuation it's like the next part i uh maybe i'll watch it but maybe i'll just sit down and it'll be on the same service that has ballers and i'll just end up watching ballers again yeah it's uh i guess i miss just tv being like just having a mindless tv show right now it It's like, this is so good. Yeah.

And there's an arc that you have to follow, but like ballers, you could literally drop in any episode of any season to be like, this is, this is fine. Yeah. Yeah. The rock in a suit,

which is my favorite look of the rock. Yeah. I'm trying to wear a suit. A suit. Like where did he, who, where did he get this? How many suits had to be combined to make this one suit?

And it's weird because he's got to like he can't fit in a car. So they put him in a lot of convertibles but they don't make convertibles for giant people. Ironically, they should. The convertibles are really just he needs to be in like a Jeep. A convertible Jeepep or they shoot

him he's just on the uh truck bed and then they shoot a car closer to the camera it looks like he's driving yes he's in perspective it's just a cardboard cutout there's no he doesn't have anybody that can stand in for him no no that's true who's the rock he has to be in every scene he's um you know what he's our he's our lumpiest man yes so uh he's just a big yeah bag of walnuts um and god bless god bless him i was looking up his uh because i remember imdb used to publish people's salaries right and i looked up his salaries like even in the like walking tall and oh that's a good one and but those were like some of his first movies and he was making 15 million dollars a movie back then huh who's this guy's agent uh but he just had so

much carryover from wrestling because wrestling was so huge yeah and also he like there was a time when it was like who's gonna be an action star yeah and it was like okay the rock yeah rock can make five action movies a year do we think that the rock will ever win an oscar oh he gets like his own uncut gem situation yeah or you know like yeah later in his career he plays you know i don't know what pierre curry yeah but he's so big exactly he plays marie and pierre curry but there's like a problem with the uh radiation it's made you so big opposite like emma stone but i want like do you know what i mean like like kobe bryant has won an oscar yes and uh you wouldn't have been able to call that uh 10 years ago but right you know is it possible that the

rock stands on stage at the oscars yeah it's very possible it's very possible right yes he's good in everything he's good in everything the movies are generally not oscar bait no he's just bad at picking stuff that's true you just gotta pick the right thing yeah like the rock you gotta pick the right a lot of these guys will do like one i'll do one big movie for the studio and one small one for me yeah right he just only does big ones for the studio yeah that's like shia labeouf now he won't do like no he like did all the he did like there was like that's five year span he was in every big movie right and now he just does kind of what he wants yeah yeah when's the rock's The Rock going to be doing arthouse movies?

Yeah. When's The Rock going to be a nymphomaniac? When's The Rock going to be in a Lars von Trier film? Yes, please. I want to see The Rock's penis, but like with a lot of pubic hair. Yeah. In like French lighting yeah yeah yeah that's what it says on the poster

the rock's penis in French lighting and we pull away from the rock's penis and we see him raising arching one eyebrow we start lay thin we start on the rock's penis One eyebrow. We start on the rock's penis. Wait, wait, wait. We start on the rock's penis?

Yes. There's not a lot of places to go. I mean, the way these award shows are going, it won't be long before uh some people get nominated for best penis hmm best penis in movies harvey kaitel michael passbender uh i guess he was more of a butt wait wait Wait, wait, wait. We're just talking best cinematic penis. But are we saying best is

a big penis? No, just like well shot. Right. I like the penis in The Hateful Eight. I haven't seen it. Samuel L. Jackson undresses the guy, walks him through the snow for hours. That was a very cinematic penis. That guy should have won something. undresses the guy walks him through the snow for hours that guy's penis yeah

that guy should have won something there's one in Hustlers has a I forget there's like a man passed out

that they have to take to the hospital I guess I do remember that I haven't seen Hustlers yet well you get to see a penis in it

what you should do is fly to London twice in a month and back 48 hours in london my back is killing me already um dave what's going on with you besides your your jet set lifestyle my jet set lifestyle well um we uh so we're recording this new year's eve i don't mind saying it yeah um and we so we just had christmas what a great christmas yeah do you guys get everything you wanted uh yeah i you know i just um i just wanted everybody to have a good time yeah and they did yeah same i got yeah i got a weighted blanket portable sound machine oh no wow yeah i love a sound i love a sound machine this is a little tiny gloria estefan yeah it's just like a mini circle plug it into a wall usb what how now i've

never uh what do you like i just like the white noise yeah yeah they it has waves on it but i'm i don't know if you go on vacation do i have to love my if i get used to going on vacation in the night when i yeah yeah i used to have oh yeah i have a white noise app here it does um because we had a machine for the babies but then when we traveled we didn't want to bring the machine so i would use it on my phone uh and it had all these different colors of noise oh really i'll get your white noise don't play brown noise dude brown noise is on there no don't play it who sleeps in red noise that's psycho so this one is that's white noise okay it's too loud yeah blue pink uh so if that was white that was pink what's this oh wait wait green yellow brown oh i don't know i had like yeah brown noise is all right i love brown it had like um

just dumb chimes and stuff but it uh can you imagine sleeping to that how do i turn it off what am i used to sleeping on a porch in louisiana it had waves and it had like uh the sound that's supposed to be like inside the uterus, inside the womb. It's like a little heartbeat. Oh, really? Freaky. But like a muffled heartbeat. And they recorded it all. Live?

With a real microphone. Wow. What year? It was like, it was on wax cylinders. So probably in the, you know. Oh, the early. Yeah, the early tens. The early tens.

What's the, have you slept with the weighted early, yeah, the early tens, early tens. Um, what's the, have you slept with the way to blanket yet? Yeah. And is it so great? It's the best. How, how weighted, how did you know you wanted it?

I just had to want it. I didn't know I wanted it. Okay. Oh, okay. But, but I, I sound,

I did want a sound machine, a portable one that I could take places. And somebody extended that. We did a Secret Santa. Okay. And that was on my list was like a portable sound machine. That's all I put on it. Yeah.

And then somebody extrapolated and said, also weighted blanket. Yeah. They're like, this guy needs to rest. It's a good gift giver. And what is it like? It's like I fell asleep as soon as I went under the covers last night. Are you afraid, though, that soon it won't be enough and you'll need more and more weight on you until eventually you're crushed? I get so strong when I sleep.

That's how the rock got so strong. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I was thinking about it because I slept so good the other night that like, have you ever had like one of those? Like, have you ever taken a nap? No. And then this guy is busy. He's in London. And where you take a nap and you kind of wake up in the dream and you think that you're dying.

No. No. You really needed that weighted blanket. Yeah. Just to keep you in bed, really. Stop getting up and thinking you're dead. Anyways, never mind cool do you want to um talk to a professional or anything you guys are not i mean semi-pro yeah yeah uh i'm interested in the weighted blanket are you worried if you bring it try to

pack it on and bring it back to new York, you'll be over your luggage allowance? I think I'm going to be. How much does it weigh? I don't know. I'm going to try to just bring it on the plane with me. Oh, smart. Yeah. Like in a, you know, in like a...

And then break it out during the flight? Yes. Like, do you want anything to drink? I was like, I can't move. I can't. Honestly, I would if I could. What's in it? Is it like...

I've only seen them like on Instagram ads is it got like little weights sewn into it oh I don't know does it or is it just a heavy material

I think it's just like a heavy thick blanket and then the they put the soft part underneath over over

over it why did I say over I love it I love it over underneath does actually

kind of like because it's over and it's underneath. And now a lot of people listen to this, right? Oh, yeah. A lot of linguists. I think your new catchphrase, Overneath. Yeah. So I was Overneath. In the south of France.

So, yeah, we had a great Christmas. And then we left the kids with my grandparents or their grandparents. My grandparents are long dead. Oh, I'm sorry to hear it. Well, it's fine. My condolences. They wouldn't be great at taking care of kids. No.

But not where they are now. Oh yeah, that's true. But they're my kids' grandparents, Abby's parents. Great. Yeah. Live. Live, live. Very live.

Yeah. Uh, and so we came home and I have a very short window of like no kids and no work. So, uh. Makes Jack a dull boy. Oh yes. Yes. and no work so uh it makes jack a dull boy oh yes yes uh so i was like okay we get home on the 27th i have the 28th 29th 30th and 31st before i have to go away yeah and so i was like okay i want to see movies so i did two days of double features oh what'd you watch i saw okay day one ford versus ferrari oh i liked it yeah i liked it too i basically like i planned my days around which theaters had two movies that i could see so i wouldn't have to like travel uh ford versus ferrari and then parasite oh yeah have

you seen either of these no both. Both. You saw them both. Have not seen either. Don't spoil anything about Parasite. I am going to see it. It's in Korean. Yep. Spoiler. No, that's, that's, I only go to Korean movies. I go, I go to, if it's not in Korean, I wait until it comes out with the Korean subtitles.

With the dubs. Yeah. Why do I do that? Anyways, it's great, right? It's great, yes. Although the ladies I was sitting next to, patchouli. Oh, really?

Yeah. And they had, it was a very full theater for like a three o'clock showing. And there were, the two 60-ish women sitting next to me were very kind of expressive in their reactions to the movie. They felt they had to perform all their reactions. Yes.

So they would, if something happened, a normal person would just be like, and they would be like, oh my, what's going on? Like they were talking a lot and gasping and like over laughing at the kind of funny parts. So like, is this like the one movie they're seeing this year? And they're just like, I'm going to get the most enjoyment out of it. I don't know. But they, when it was, the worst was when one of them said, how interesting. The worst was when one of them said, how interesting. If it's interesting, just shut up and have your brain kind of.

Chew it over. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And when it was all done, one of them said, no wonder so many people say it's good. Yeah. Good review. I also liked it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. yeah i don't know you can tell this by the constantly hemming and hawing through the moon the being constantly shocked yeah yeah uh and then the

next day oh and uh after that i was like oh god why did i had pre-bought all my tickets yeah and i was like my back is killing me from six hours in movie seats and I have to do it again tomorrow. Well, what did you do tomorrow? I saw Knives Out and Cats. Yeah. Oh, okay. I've seen one out of two. I've seen both of those.

Yeah. Oh, you saw Cats? Yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Yeah. Knives Out is great. You can spoil Cats. Knives Out, I think I like Knives Out the most of all of those. Yeah. Oh, you saw Cats? Yeah, yeah. Do you want to talk about it? Yeah. Well, Knives Out is great. You can spoil Cats. I think I like Knives Out the most of all of them.

Yeah, Knives Out was great. And you know what? Go for Daniel Craig's accent alone. It's a lot of fun. It's so good. And have you seen Logan Lucky? No. Yes.

Yeah, his accent in that is like a weird, different American accent. That's a good movie, too. It's a Soderbergh. Yes. Soderbergh. Now who's excited about movies? I am. I saw four in two days.

Yeah, every year when I go back to visit my family on Boxing Day or around that time, we all go see whatever movie that you all agree on that we can create a consensus around but everybody had already seen parasite and half of us had already seen knives out and a lot of us didn't want to see the new star wars yeah and so same i i was like let's go see cats it'll'll be... An experience. Exactly. It's the worst reviewed movie of the decade. Like, let's go see what the fuck is up. Of the new decade.

Of the new decade. But I really had to upsell it to my family. Do you have any interest in seeing Cats? No. You should. Yeah, I feel like everybody should see it because it's wild it's very like it was the worst one of all the movies i saw but it was i could not stop watching i was compelled the entire time yeah and it's the weird thing is i went into it knowing nothing about the musical yeah or the

animal both i think i think people probably feel the same way after they see the musical that they they feel like it what was that yeah yes yeah yeah yeah but the musical was at least a hit and it was like the longest running thing on broadway but that's the part of the whole thing that i don't understand i don't understand how this was a hit yeah ever that's true because musically speaking i kind of i definitely knew one of the songs i did i knew one and i've had one stuck in my head ever since i saw it so i guess i i guess i sort of knew two other ones but there's like 10 other songs that i've never heard before no never heard before couldn't recall them no uh but there's one song in it that's literally uh just seven or eight words long and they just repeat the same phrase

never ever was there such a magical commercial shut up all right he forced a call back just to make Graham laugh. I bought it. I bought it. So, yeah, it starts, and I was laughing right away, like, from the get-go when the lights went down and the camera's descending on London town. Yeah. Because it starts with the most, like, dated 80s synthesizer. Yes.

There's a lot of synth in it and it also is a weird like you can never figure out what the rules of what cats are because they the size of the sets keep shifting so sometimes the cat is the size of a cat and then sometimes it's the size of a mouse and then sometimes it's bigger like that's There's no consistency in the sets. I'm confused. Yeah, so was I. The whole thing is... It was hard to tell what wasn't done on a green screen.

Their faces and that's it? No, none of it was done with green screen. This is one of the reasons that it turned out kind of like the effects were kind of wonky is everything was shot just normal and then the effects were like layered over top but were they wearing like green suits no and that's like one of the criticisms that like people are like why didn't you use the technology we've all been using? They just filmed them in whatever clothes, and then they put a fur mask over everything.

Like an Instagram. Why would these people say yes to this? How much money, I wonder? The budget for the movie, I think, is $95 million. And it was supposed to be good. Everyone loves cats. Yeah, and And it had no, like, it was supposed to be good. Like, everyone loves Cats. Yeah, and, like, I'm sure everybody was like, well, Judi Dench is in it. Yeah.

I'll be in it as well. Sir Ian McKellen. Yeah. But my, like. Good cast. As good a cast as you could assemble. And then when I saw, like, when I saw the trailer a few months ago and people were freaking out about how, they're also so like weirdly human and sexy yeah and it honestly it was the horniest film but to me that's what the stage show is too it's just like they're in body suits yeah so i was like i horny

for cats yeah it's like it that should have been the way they marketed it yeah get ready for a horny extravaganza it did but like i was like that's uh that's fine uh everyone's freaking out for no reason of course they're gonna be what do you want them to not be sexy sexy cat people that's the conceit of the show yeah but then you see it and yeah it's not like the source material is this... It's not like Les Mis or something and then they like... Horny it up. Made them into horny cats. Like the source material, they were very true to the source material. But the effects are so bad.

Like the face is on the wrong part of the head a lot of the time. Yeah. And it doesn't move. Like the head and the face. Everything was just a little bit off. Everything was a bit off. The whole time you're watching, everything's a bit off. And like when they run and jump, the way they land, it doesn't feel right.

It feels like they've just been placed by a computer cursor. And there's a scene I watched a featurette after to be like, what the hell is going on in this? And they had world-renowned dancers in it, but you wouldn't know because it all looks like it's just done inside of a computer. Yeah, it looks like their feet aren't even touching the ground. So it was like, why bother having like super famous dancers in the movie uh the one the railway cat who wears the pants yeah see that was the that's what i mean about the rules of cats is like some of them wear clothes

some of them are nude i guess seems like they really dropped the ball. Yeah, the ball of yarn. But like, is it just one of those things where it's like, like that story about the guy who bought the NHL team but didn't have any money that everybody assumed the next guy over was going to blow the whistle? Yeah, it was just kind of a con that went on and on. Yeah, like just everybody was like, no, this is good. This is. Do we know the director? Yeah, he's the guy who directed The King's Speech.

Wow. And also the film version of Les Mis. Same guy. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Oh, those are two good ones. Yeah, like everybody in it is good. And but it's like and the musical is popular and people love

that but then you put it all together oh so there's about to be like a wild documentary about why cats didn't work yes the true story like some of it is just bad effects some of it like the way taylor swift's like their taylor swift's face was too big on her head and sometimes they would do shots. Swift is in it. I might go watch it. The time when Macavity disappears and goes, Macavity!

Yep, big laugh. Big laugh when that happens. I was in a movie theater where no one was laughing. Like, when it was done, people applauded. Oh, no, I was, was uh my family was so mad at me after the film for laughing no for making them all going to cats everybody was very angry at me and then jennifer like some of it was just bad effects some of it was just weird choices and

for some reason jennifer hudson's nose is running the whole time her nose is running the whole time she's crying so that makes sense like for like maybe have a tear go past her nose but like mucus rolling down her upper lip the three times she's in the movie like oh this time she's not her nose isn't running yet yeah and my mom leaned over to me and during one of those scenes and said this is disgusting it was like i couldn't decide like i couldn't figure out whether they added the mucus or if it was just they couldn't they couldn't erase it but it like it would have made sense to do that like henry cavill when he he was Superman and they had to get rid of his mustache. Yeah, yeah.

He could have gotten rid of a stream of mucus. Yeah, they could have put Henry Cavill's mustache over his head. And there's, oh boy. What is the other like high point for me was there's a scene where Judi Dench just starts addressing you the audience yes she's like i'm so sorry uh this all looked good on she's like graham this is disgusting we're so mad at you for bringing your family to this yeah everybody was so mad at me and i you know rightfully so but um yeah it's uh i think it's destined to become like it'll be like midnight showings like people will go and make fun of it seth rogan does a movie about it exactly they were like making a few there

a couple days after it came out they announced oh we oh, we're going to redo the CGI and we're sending out a new version. Yeah. And I was just like, don't. Yeah, yeah. Leave it. It seemed like it was an unfinished version or like someone on the editing team accidentally saved over the updated file. And so this was like a few versions ago. It's like draft seven.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. The key frames are in the wrong spot, but you get it. Yeah. Sorry. Well, the version I saw still had Judi Dench's hand with her wedding ring. Oh, I didn't see it.

I wasn't paying attention. Yeah, there were several scenes where she just had a human hand and she was like talking. The rest of her is a cat and then she had just like a human hand. Oh my gosh yeah no it's really it's kind of a train wreck it's it's worth seeing but i but again and and

you know it's funny i think it's like the best year of movies in a long time and then cats comes just at the end of it just to be like nah but also i don't like with the source material what else could it have been yeah you know like it couldn't there's no they could have done a better job at the effects but that's about it that's it like everybody in it is the best people they could get like i think i heard some people were mad that they made too much of a plot of it like where they're like, uh, we have to decide one of you gets to go to cat heaven was basically the, the whole movie is just people introducing themselves. Like if there was a movie like that, it wasn't a musical where just characters just constantly came in and

introduced themselves. And then it was just at the end of the movie. Yeah. Would people be like, that was great. Yeah. That was fine. Uh,

or would people be, you know, would they be angry? Maybe that was, I mean, there were kids in the theater that thought it was the best. And I didn't realize it was such a kid's movie and it's not, but all the previews, all the trailers before it were for other kids movies.

So it made me think, oh, this is for kids. Yeah. They just have no idea how to market it. No. I mean, if they were courting the furry vote, they did it. I think so. Perfect. Yeah.

Because it is like, if you were on the the fence if you were like might that might be my thing and then you saw judy dutch's hand and she's all cat yeah you were like this is i also didn't entourage furry episode i forget no don't worry about it bob saget in that one um also it was weird that there were like uh they have you know all the cats are all like slim and sexy, except a couple of them. Yeah. Who are like, you know, kind of larger actors. Yeah. But they made the cats extra huge and fat for them.

James Gordon and Rebel Wilson. Yeah. They made their characters like cartoonishly gigantic. Her character was Garfield. Yeah. They made their, their characters like cartoonishly gigantic. Her character was Garfield. Yeah. Although she's constantly taking off. See again, what are the rules?

She's taking off. She's naked. She's a naked cat, except when she takes off her furry suit and then she's got clothes underneath it. Yeah. See, yeah. Like I see cats run. Don't walk. Yeah. Yeah run don't walk yeah yeah absolutely so yeah that was

my nice my catch-up couple of days of movie marathons and you so in addition to watching cats I went to a hockey game while I was in Calgary. They were playing your beloved Canucks. The Calgary Flames were. And you and the Canucks beat them. Yes, soundly. Soundly. And I'm so proud of my boys. The real down moment was it was an early lead by the Canucks.

And I would sit, like the tickets were from a family friend so they were right right down behind where the cameramen were and you were told to wear a jersey why exactly because you will end up on the jumbotron i was there maybe five minutes on the jump oh really yep during the national anthem yep nice um but you on multiple times? No, just that one time. But my brother knows the cameraman, and if he's ever there with his wife, they end up on the kiss cam multiple times during the evening. And did they? No, because I sat with my brother. Oh.

Yeah, the four seats were separate. Right. And so my brother and I Were on the kiss cab And you know what We did a little something It's just The city of brotherly love

Exactly But the goalie Led in Quite a few Goals Very early And So it was like

Because my team rules And your team sucks Yeah They They had to take him off You know On a stretcher On a stretcher So it was like, because my team rules and your team sucks. Yeah. They, they had to take them off, uh, you know, on a stretcher.

Cause everybody threw things at him. Uh, he was, he was subbed out. And then like a beloved goalie of the past was in attendance. Oh, and they like, they were like,

Hey everybody, it's Kipras off. Make a Kipras off. And they put him on the Jumbotron, and he got a standing ovation just after this goalie had been like, you're out. Put him in. Yeah, remember this guy. Well, there's some very weird NHL rules.

If both of your goalies get injured, you can just pick anyone out of the audience. Did you know that? No. Oh, that's why sometimes they have like a like somebody from college yeah beyond the venture there and yeah if you can't get a backup goalie in time you can sign someone to a one-day contract uh really to be your backup and if there's a golden retriever in the audience there's no rule but then i think if both of your goalies are injured, you can pick someone from your organization or failing that, anyone in the building? Really? Yeah, I knew the organization thing.

And also if the referees don't show up, both teams can agree on a common party to be the referee or they can each pick a player to be the referee oh really yeah wow that's only happened once huh i guess you do have to make these contingency rules um because contingency the show must go on yeah um anyways going to see a hockey game Always a ton of fun But Did you eat any arena food? I ate a pretzel And it was You know what?

I'm not going to lie It's pretty dry Pretty dry pretzel Yeah You dip it in anything? No I just went Yeah

So maybe it's on me Yeah I mean if you're just eating a bear arena pretzel Yeah That's true You got to eat some mustard Or Gavin likes to dip it in lotion. Yeah, dip it in lotion.

Moisturize that thing. I moisturize the insides too. Overneath in me. Overneath my tongue, down my bullet. Should we move on to some overheards? Okay. All right. Hey, gang.

Jesse here, the founder of Maximum Fun. And with me is Stacey Molsky, who is, among other things, the lady who responds to all of your tweets. Hi, everyone. I also send you newsletters. So anyway, something really awesome. You, MaxFun listeners, have given us the chance to do something really cool on behalf of our entire community, and we wanted to tell you about it. Last summer, following the MaxFun drive, we put all of the enamel pins on sale to $10 and up members, with proceeds going to the National Casa GAL Association for Children. Your generous support and enthusiasm raised over $100,000.

Our bookkeeper, Steph, would be quick to tell me the exact total is $109,025, to be exact. Your money will go toward parent kids who've experienced abuse or neglect with court-appointed advocates or guardian ad litem volunteers. In other words, kids in tough spots will have somebody in their corner. Knowledgeable grown-ups who are on their team through court dates and life upheavals and confusing situations, whatever. The money we raise together is going to help a lot of kids. Whether you bought pins or not,

you can help us build on that $109,000 foundation. Make a donation to support National Casa GAL and help some of our nation's most vulnerable children at maximumfund.org slash c-a-s-a that's maximumfund.org slash casa and seriously thank you our community rules Overheard Overheard It's a segment in which we hear things Out there in the world

And it's always best to share And we always like to start with the guest Gavin, would you lead the way? Okay, yeah, my overheard, it happened I went ice skating in Brooklyn When my girlfriend was staying with me Before Christmas And we were walking, we were leaving

Prospect Park And it's kind of like a Stanley Park uh, when my girlfriend was staying with me before Christmas and we were walking, we were leaving, um, prospect park. And it's like a, it's kind of like a Stanley park, uh, like, you know, like a bike,

people were riding their bikes and there's an older Chinese man smoking a cigarette on his bike one handed. And he said, uh, he, he, he said, hello,

Mr. Irving. And my girlfriend was like, Oh, hello. And I was like, Oh, he wasn't,

we looked around cause he said, hello, Mr. Irving. And there was a statue behind us that was like a long column and then a guy's face and it just said irving so he was just saying hello mr irving to the statue he bikes past smoking a cigarette it was beautiful that's that's a real that's a like a real holiday moment yeah yeah i was like i bet he says hello to him every time he rides past yeah huh i wonder

who it is irving berlin or i guess irving would be the last name who's the guy who wrote like rumble silkskin uh washington irving or something yeah and who's julius irving basketball player yeah it was not yeah it was not dr j no it was definitely a white guy a white guy okay well my internet's being weird i can't look it up that's fine uh about a minute what dave do you have it over here oh yeah it is just give me a second oh this is one it is uh uh today is new year's eve as we're recording this um and i uh i was in a health food store yeah choices yeah uh check it out for all your pomegranate needs yeah i guess yeah but they call it choices because they give you the choice there is they also have like coca-cola and craft dinner yeah

and that's the choice i make time and time again. Yeah. The health food store prices. That's right. I like to buy the junkiest junk food at the health food store. Because I feel better about that. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

But they were like, they had music playing in the store and then, you know, how sometimes they'll have like promotional announcements, pre-recorded things and this woman's voice

comes on and says, looking for something bubbly for New Year's eve this year instead of champagne choose kombucha just celebrate with a glass of seeds glass of active active happy new year to me and my seeds yeah active cultures and yeah it's a you know what it's it's toilet yogurt yeah come visit our scoby don't sit on santa's lap this season sit on the scoby's lap and it just made me think of like what if sports teams were like shaking up bottles of kombucha when they won the championship it's the healthier it's a healthier choice um i saw this uh apparently there's a i guess there's probably several um but i think it's in whistler they have like a champagne

machine a moe machine what is this it's like a coke machine oh like it just dispenses little tiny bottles of champagne oh i like that like a hundred dollars each oh i don't like that oh yeah wait but and there's somewhere else they have like a champagne gun oh yeah shoot me which is like shoot me at the countdown which is like a gold plated right in the mouth yeah it's like a one of those like Tommy guns that like. That you champagne. But you put, you put, you place an actual bottle of champagne in it and it just pours it, but you're holding it.

Like a gun. Like a gun. The, I watched a documentary. You like champagne? I think I do. I like a glass of it. Yeah. How am I going to drink this whole bottle?

Uh. Out of a gun. Yeah. You? Are you a champagne head? I wouldn't say, I wouldn't go as far

to say I'm a champagne head, but I have had champagne and it was fine. Yeah, it's fine. Yeah. There was a documentary on

Netflix about like Instagram stars and there was one guy hit, his whole thing is he's a sleazebag and he goes to bars and he pours champagne on people and uh against their will no no no like people will lie down on the bar and he'll pour champagne in their mouth and this is this is video content and uh he's the most

miserable man in the world he's like he's just like well i've really boxed myself into a corner of what people want from me and so he's just going from town to town they're like it's this guy from instagram is here tonight and women are like pour it in my mouth oh this is a dry county can you pour milk in my mouth or kombucha that's so sad yeah he was I didn't... I was lying down because I'm a sushi table. I don't want any champagne. You think he just sits alone, like, in his hotel room after. He's like, why did I start this? That's what, in the documentary, he was like, why...

Oh. Like, he's like, I'm trapped in this. I feel like documentaries, like, the pace of documentaries has never been faster. Yes. Like, the... Like, I'm surprised there's not the Cats documentary already. I think Gavin called it. I think it's on its way.

How long between the Fyre Festival and when the Fyre Festival documented? Two years? Yeah, something like that. Somebody's already working on a Cats documentary, for sure, about what went wrong. They were in the theater opening night. Like, oh boy. he's already working on a cat's documentary for sure right about like what went wrong they're in the theater opening night yeah like oh boy i've seen but i've seen um like video clips of people seeing it in a theater where everyone's laughing and then the at the the last song people stand up

and sing along yeah i'm telling you it's like it is is it for as bad as it is i wouldn't say i was watching it ironically like it was fascinating yeah more than like something to mock i wanted to be part of a thing that literally was a move like one movie was more talked about than cats oh Oh, I mean, Joker. Yeah, that's true. Um, my overheard, please. Courtesy of cats. Hmm.

Uh, was it meow? Five minutes before the ending of the film, this very old lady comes into the theater, walks all the way to the back of the theater and then asks a random person did this movie just start they're like we have no idea time has frozen yeah we're not we're trapped under these weighted blankets oh weighted blanket in a movie theater with the reclining seats hello hello um the weird thing was there was also yeah

there were very big perspective problems in the movie where like when they had tiny little mice people yeah it was very like it looked way too fake yeah not that anything looked real but like it just it was very uh it was hard to process it. Yeah. Uh, visually. And then when like someone would have to walk away and like run away down the street, it was like, it didn't seem like they were getting further away. Yeah.

Like they were just running on a treadmill. Yeah. Okay. I got to see it. Yeah. Um, yeah, it's wild.

Yeah. Congratulations to all involved. Also, it's wild. Yeah. Congratulations to all involved. Also, it is the epitome of like a bunch of popular kids at high school putting on a play and then everybody going to the assembly and laughing at it. Yes. It has that feel. said made some comment about how they had to like uh diminished his bulge uh in the uh in like visual like whatever in cgi they cgi'd out his bulge it was like if you saw that movie and were like oh my dick wasn't big enough like you missed so many other problems. Like, no one has a bulge. Maybe that's why it wasn't, the CGI wasn't right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like, everything shifted it over by one. Maybe it was great, and then they went back and they fixed his bulge, and they were like, how do we do this? It just unspiraled from there. Yeah. That bulge was holding this whole movie together. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the place. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org.

And this first one comes from Christina T. from Toronto. It's not Chrissy Teigen, is it? It might be. Chrissy Teigen, is it? It might be. A few years ago, I was walking back from class and heard All Star by Smash Mouth playing super loudly. I followed the sound and saw a beater of a car with all its doors wide open with a woman standing on top. She was just finishing chalking something on the wall of a house while drinking out of what i can only assume was alcohol out of a paper bag the message which i still think about to this day just said drake would never do me like this huh huh what do you think that means well it was in toronto yeah that's where drake lived yeah

famous famous toronto head drake uh but what how does Drake Maybe she It wasn't Was it her house? Seems like it might have been Somebody's house That wronged her And then she's like Drake would never

Drake would never I think you've got it Yeah Yeah I think you've got The best explanation Like she was like Threatening to go Dave might have

Dave might have one Oh no I mean I was just Thinking about Ways in which Drake has wronged us And I couldn't think of any No no no um he's like british now he should have been in cats is he british now no but he's he just had like you know he goes through phases where he's doing kind of

different voices oh is he just with like a lilt yeah he has a bit of a uk accent in his newest song oh what's his newest song it's called war is that the one with the video with the the girl that threw a chair off a balcony is in the video i think so yeah okay remember her there was a woman who threw a chair off a balcony in toronto oh yeah she got in trouble yeah she's in his new video and he knowingly hired her yeah Or did she sneak on to it? Oh, and there was controversy because she shouldn't be celebrated? Yeah, I guess. But she's our greatest

athlete. Yeah, that's true. And, you know, in a year that the Raptors won the championship, that's saying something. That a chair thrower would be our greatest athlete, but there you go. There we are. This next one comes from Sam from Los Angeles. This is from Russia,

where he's an English teacher. We just got a lot of powdery, soft snow on the ground here. I was waiting for the bus when I heard a small voice behind me say, excuse me, in Russian. I stepped aside, and a small boy, about eight, walked by carrying a huge snowball about twice the size of his head.

He stood waiting with me for the bus, holding it to his chest. When the bus arrived, he exclaimed, ah, finally, then lifted the snow boulder up in the air, smashed it on his head and stepped onto the bus. That kid is awesome. That kid rules. So refreshing. Oh, finally. He takes the bus like that all the time. Yeah, yeah.

Even in the summer. Yeah, he just does them in his mom's deep freeze. It's Russia. You can always find snow. The truck it in from Siberia. He didn't wear it as a snowman's hat. Like one always find snow. They truck it into Siberia. You didn't wear it as a snowman's hat. Like one of those big Russian hats.

Yeah. What's the DJ's name? Deadmau5? Like a deadmau5 helmet? A snow deadmau5? I just love the idea of this kid just giving himself a face wash. So precocious.

This last one comes from Jessica N. My husband and I spent Christmas at a spa. Ooh. In a small, in small town, Missouri. Ooh. Which turned out to be a treasure trove of overheards. Talking about how much she loves the East Coast, a lady at the bar said i love the eggs the rice

you can't get good rice on the west coast everybody knows and the rice on the east coast they just hit different oh man just hit him differently water out there yeah yeah yeah the water they feed the chickens yeah and the water i guess they boil the rice in oh boy whoa in addition to overheards that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod one. Like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham. Yes, it's Jerome calling Victoria with

an overheard. I just came out of Starbucks. There's these two high school kids studying what looked like super basic biology. They have these blown up pictures of a human heart. And the one kid came back from the bathroom and the other kid says to him,

I don't think I'm going to be a doctor anymore. I fucking hate science. I thought I loved it, but it turns out. Yeah, once you have to know the parts of the heart, count me out. I love the guy being like, yeah, they're super basic. What kind of biology is that Super basic Yeah They weren't even doing

Age appropriate stuff Yeah just looking at the heart How many things Can you name on the heart I know that it wants What it wants Yeah that's true Oh how many things

Can I name on the heart Yeah Well it's got a right ventricle. Yeah. It's got a left ventricle. Aorta? It's got an aorta. Nice.

It has a right and left something else. Atrium? Yeah. I feel like that's right. Oh, we love an atrium. Yeah. But it's also like that's where you leave your coat sometimes. Yeah, that's true.

Yeah. Which is one's named after the other and uh boy my heart uh it's uh very full of chowder yeah main yeah um what about what else can you name on the heart uh i think that's i think you named all the things i don't even think i would have got aorta i was thinking of the atriums and the you would have got it eventually yeah on a long enough timeline for sure uh here's your next phone call hi dave graham and possible guest i am at my wife's christmas party right now and we were walking from room to room and we saw a 10 year old ginger boy walking angrily towards us, looking like he had just been in some sort of a scuffle.

And under his breath as we walked by, we heard him say, Soda is just spicy water. Thanks. Bye. Yeah. That is funny. It is true. That's what my girlfriend calls seltzer.

Spicy water? Wow. Nice. Give me some of thateltzer. Spicy water? Wow. Nice. Give me some of that spicy water. Yeah, I know. It's got a little pop in it. Seltzer's really made a comeback in the last year or two. Yeah.

Do we know the difference between seltzer, soda, and tonic? I do not. I know that sodas or tonic has quinine. Quinine, yeah. Tonic, yeah. Andas or tonic has quinine. Quinine, yeah. Tonic, yeah. Nobody drinks tonic. You're old timers. It's weirdly, I guess quinine must be very bitter because tonic has sweetener in it.

Like tonic is the only one of them that has sugar in it. Yeah. But it does not taste sweet. No, but I would drink it as a kid because. It came in a can. Yeah, it was just anything anything to taste something yeah uh i think soda water has minerals in it and tonic or uh seltzer doesn't seltzer just has bubbles seltzer is just seltzer is popular on the east coast yeah yeah it's like eggs rice seltzer that's a netflix series i think they still have it but when i was a kid new york seltzer the little stubby bottles oh yeah with

the oh the twist off cap the twist off cap but also the like very thin styrofoam yeah okay there's like how's what's how's it's just a brand in new york it's like how's new york seltzer does it is it like i think that's like thel's New York Seltzer. Does it, is it like. I think that's like the most popular one. They have like a, they have like a vanilla, like a cherry vanilla one. That's good. That sounds pretty good. I get the raspberry.

Yeah. It's good. That's a good seltzer. Is it just like a very faint taste of that or is it really? Yeah, it's very faint. Okay. Yeah. Yeah, that sounds all right.

You can probably get it at Snackland. Yeah. They've got. Oh, Snackland is good. Yeah. Gotta go. Yeah. probably get it at Snackland. Yeah. Oh, Snackland is good. Yeah. Gotta go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go while you're in town.

You know what's great at Snackland? Eggs, rice. Oh, East Coast. In the East Coast section, it's just eggs and rice filling the aisle. Here is your final overheard. Hi, Dave Graham and probable guest. This is Julie from Ohio, and I'm calling

in from overheard. I just heard in the hallway at my work. Definitely hiding in a corner right now so nobody catches me on my phone. I heard two of my coworkers walking down the hall and they were talking about something, but the only part I that I heard

she's like it's more it's so much more than just a car show and I'm like God and I just thought that was

well then what else is it? It's an experience Yeah of going to the car show It's so much more than that No it's an immersive

car experience Yeah I wish we got her answered to that you know the person's answer to what else is yeah have you ever been to a car show no but i've seen them on uh channel 55 when i was younger oh yeah okay speed network speed network yeah i went to the car show at the at at BC place, like maybe after like episode five of this, of this podcast. Oh really?

Like way in the early days, John Bueller and I went. Oh yeah. When I was trying to get more friends. Oh, didn't work. Didn't take them. Didn't take.

And so, and I just remember it was like, I don't know, like going to the, like a bunch of car dealerships all under one roof yeah and then like three cool prototypes and a bunch of just like the new buick yeah that was my i went to one that was on the stampede grounds when i was not old enough to drive a car so i don't know why i had any reason to be there but i was with a friend's dad and it's fun for kids i think dads love cars

because you can get it boy do they ever yes friends dads love cars yeah they got a bunch of playboys yeah they maybe have a calendar with a lady holding a wrench they definitely have a videotape rewinder friends dads have all the coolest shit they have a train set but uh you should it's not for kids to play with at the time you do play with it it's uh it breaks you smell that kind of electrical burning their house burns down you were never here yeah yeah i heard i smelled some electrical burnings a couple weeks ago, and I was like, this takes me back to someone's toy train that didn't quite work. Yeah. Especially it being the train that you were specifically told not to touch.

This is not for you. No, that was fabricated no but that very that connects the i don't think i knew any dads in my life that were like had the kid like that sort of forbidden fruit like there were things kids obviously kids weren't allowed to do everything in the house but like no one had like this toy is right dad my friend's dad had like first of all their basement was all medieval themed so they had weapons on the wall oh boy and so very tempting to take those off the walls of play yeah and he also had he made ships and bottles and we weren't allowed to touch those and also there was a bar down in the basement.

That was not for... That I respect. Yeah. But then he had a brother that had all vintage GI Joes and nobody could play with them. Come on. I wanted to play with them so bad.

And my uncle Casey had a basement and it was like he had a pinball machines like and... But were you allowed to touch them? I could play pinball. I wasn't allowed to touch the pool table uh because we would scratch it yeah but then he had a room and he has a room and he still does this and but he had like in boxes since he was a kid like action figures um those hockey tables yeah and like and like uh hot wheels and he like still he still has so much that he still resells like uh doubles huh whoa wow yeah he's like but that as a kid that must have drove like

driven you insane yeah yeah but then you're it's cool to like go in and look and you're like uncle casey's cool he has a lot of toys but now as an adult you're like I think you might have had some problems Uncle Casey's coolness has not stood the test of time no he still has all these toys and I'm older

yeah way older than I remember what happened and when he never took any of them out of the packages yeah

I don't want to play with them anymore But he still has them And they're really old Who are these for? Oh man Well that brings us to the end of the podcast Gavin

What do you guys come up? This comes out on January 13th Yeah Monday the 13th The Ides of January Two days. The Ides of January. Two days before the Ides of January. Yeah, two days. Well, I would have just left North Carolina.

Okay. So if you were there, if you were in North Carolina and I missed you, but I'm in Calgary at the end of January. Okay. And then, yeah, just like follow me on Instagram at Gavin Matz. I have a Conan set on YouTube. You can watch that. There's other comedy set on YouTube. You can watch that. There's other comedy stuff on YouTube.

You just search my name. Nice. Yeah. Thanks so much for being our guest. Thanks for having me. A pleasure. A pleasure. Dave, anything to plug?

See cats. Yeah, see cats. Absolutely. See cats. See it often. See it with friends. Ooh, and watch John Mulaney's children's special. Oh yeah.

I watched that. It was really good. The sack lunch bunch. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Um, yeah, there you go. So we're plugging other people's projects.

That's pretty nice of us. I think, uh, uh, boy, if I was going to rank the four movies I saw, I guess I cats is the worst, but I think cats is more something you should see than Ford versus Ferrari. Who was your favorite cat? Macavity. Yeah. Mine was the magical Mr. Mistoffelees because of that song. No, mine was probably Railway Cat in the Paint.

I got to get a ticket to this. Yeah, you got to. Thanks, everybody, for listening. If you like the show, tell your friends. You can leave a review on iTunes. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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