Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 624 - Beth Stelling

Episode Date: March 2, 2020

Comedian Beth Stelling returns to talk Amy Grant, dog races, and Love is Blind.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 624 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who had a guitar slide out on the table for weeks and everybody wondered what it was. And now it's gone away. Mr. Dave Shopka.

Our guest said it looked like a tiny flower vase. Base? Either works. And I can't argue with that. Yeah, it is very, it looks like, uh, like a mouse would put flowers in it. Yeah, put little buttercups in it. Yeah. Not dandelions.

Those are weeds. Yeah. What about daffodils? A lot of mouse doesn't know. Daffodils? No, those are too big. Um, you know, baby's breath. What's the, daisies?

Oh, daisies. A gerber. A gerber. A gerber gerber a gerber berber those are big and uh i remember that was a gerbera is that what it is what is that gerber daisy it's a gerber daisy that's how i've read it okay what is it okay i know gerber baby i know what a gerber baby is that's i know i'm not mr flower not Mr. Flower. Our guest today. Yes, our guest today, she will be taping her new special in Minneapolis on March 7th at the Varsity Theater. Two shows.

So if you're in that area, go. There are tickets available. Yeah, they're available through teamcoco.com slash live. Yes. Or sweetbeth.com. Yeah. It's Beth Stelling. Hello.

You nailed it. You guys nailed that. Do you do ever a dot? Because when I said slash, I had to physically slash my karate chop my hand. Yes. Yesterday,

we were having a conversation at work, and someone did like a colon. Like a two finger point. I feel like that's more related to the fact that no one's listening or paying attention to each other. So they're just like gesticulating. Like, look at me. This is what it is.

Yeah. There was a guy called Victor Borga. Yeah. He did a whole routine where he would read and he would make the sound of all of the punctuation as he read so he had like different sounds for like what like a comma was like and our period was like that's cool yeah it was funny for a kid nothing funnier they used to call if you didn't if you didn't turn your sound off while you're Like, you get in your car and it's like, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. Yeah, yeah. Like an old person who doesn't know

how to turn their sounds off on their phone. When we land and it's like, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink, boink. I just want to be like, can I help you?

Yeah. Turn your phone off. Did your children die? Flip the switch. Did your children not teach you how to do? Dark Dave. Are your children die? Flip the switch. Did your children not teach you how to do? Dark Dave. Are your children not speaking to you anymore?

Because you won't turn your phone down. Do you want to get to know us? Oh, yeah. Get to know us. Beth, it's been a couple of years. It's been a while. It's been of years. It's been a while. It's been a while. It's been a while.

Yes. And I was very sleepy the last time I was here. Now, this is something that I knew something was, there was something special about your episode. I knew it was something, I forgot what it was. It was you were sleepy. Yeah. Uncontrollable yawn. Just yawning.

Yeah. I think you had just flown in from somewhere. It's possible. Yeah. Andcontrollable yawn. Just yawning. Yeah. I think you had just flown in from somewhere. It's possible. Yeah. And you know what? We were trying to figure it out, the timestamp on it before you arrived. And I think it was that I was writing maybe on a show that had me just tired. Yeah.

You know, like 12 hour days or something like that. Those 12 hour days. I don't know. Yuck. Yeah. And you're sitting and you don't want to complain because it's your dream job really. But it can be

awesome. I still find a way to. My dream job is yeah writing people for Pete Holmes to have sex with. Look I had nothing

to do with season three. Me neither. As a viewer. You're among a group of many comedians. But yes, you were very sleepy. And those, I guess you were also probably on New York time too.

I guess. Which is. What would that mean? I guess just a little later. Yeah, you would be late. You would be having your afternoon. That's true. Yawn.

Yeah. What if not? I mean, again, this is all. We're just. We can't rehash. We're guessing. Because I don i don't really we're talking about some six-year-old yawn but i think we're right i think we're right it seems like the time that i was here i remember walking around and i had just probably broken up with the same guy again and i think i was just sort of like living there that's right it was yeah you i remember now yeah it just never would oh yeah yeah wouldn't stick who are you gonna break up with next probably the guy i'm currently dating It was. Yeah. I remember now. Yeah. It just never would stick. Yeah.

It wouldn't stick. Who are you going to break up with next? Probably the guy I'm currently dating. Yeah. I'm going to break up with him soon. See if it sticks. Odds are. Does he know?

Yes. Oh, okay. Yes. Yeah, I tell him all the time. You're on thin ice. He's like, oh, I know. It's making me nervous. Every day. It's good to have

you know like realistic expectations in a relationship like okay you're just always going to be on thin ice all the time on your toes

yeah that's how I felt about every job I ever had yeah am I going to be here tomorrow like his no one seems to like me

I think with relationships I've noticed at least and i know maybe you guys can relate depending i i really am seeing a much more of a correlation now that i'm not on birth control with my cycle of how i feel about who i'm with it's jarringly strong like differences so like what like maybe if i'm ovulating like i'm trying to think of the time that i'm like really lovey-dovey and i'm and i think it's just like maybe on the i've just started to take notice i think it's like before my period obviously people talk about pms and stuff but i definitely don't want to be with that person like i hate them a little yeah yeah it's not just like irritable

and like the classic like pms like don't even talk to me it's like you are not what I'm looking for in a life partner do you know what I mean like you're reevaluated yeah I can't do this every month with you

yeah and then like you know you go through it and the cycle and it changes and at one point you're just very

very attracted could be during the ovulation period when your body is telling you like make a baby or something yeah

I don't know but well out there, listeners. It's strong. Beth's off birth control. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So come to the taping in Minneapolis, and we can start a family together. Well, depending on where it lands in the cycle.

Now, Graham, you're off birth control. Yeah, absolutely. It feels great. What have you noticed? i've noticed i'm just more level yeah there's always been like for years for decades there's been talk about you know there's gonna be a male birth control pill yeah well then i've heard as you know unfortunately a lot of people get their news through twitter sometimes i get mine through other comedians on stage yeah that's my twitter i get them through jay leno's headlines and so like i remember some comic having a joke i think it was kara clank has one and then of

course a bunch of other people i've noticed on stage but kara had one that was something like even if there was male birth control my husband wouldn't remember to take it. I'm going to ruin the punchline, but it's along the lines of like he has a Spider-Man shirt that when they went to bed, she was like, your shirt glows in the dark. He's like, whoa, cool. He didn't even know. So I think it's like that. And then another comic had a joke that was saying they did test it on men, but they said that it gave them headaches and they didn't like it. So, of course, the comics take it. takers was like oh you're giving me a headache

we're going crazy over here you know and the truth is I think maybe we'll look back in decades if the world still exists and be like I can't believe

we made women take that stuff I think it might be really bad it's probably really bad yeah but we're just doing it and I get it

I'm not over here saying like yeah don't be on birth control out there. But there are some that work for people better than others. I use a cream. Like a topical cream? Yeah, I use like a, I guess, I mean, it's called.

No, you don't. Yeah, it's a no baby. Shampoo. It's a scrotum shampoo. No tear shampoo. But it like heats up really fast. So you don't even want to have sex. Oh boy, no you do not.

Your dick is just on fire. Once you feel that tingle, no baby comes a-knocking. It's supposed to rhyme, but you're so crazy you don't care. You're just like, get it off me. And then you start seeing the bugs all over. They're not there, but. Yeah, I heard that it was going to be for men that they were trying. It was a shot that you had as opposed to a pill or whatever.

But then somebody, and I'm sure this is not true, that it was a shot right into your penis. And I was like, no, that can't be right. Shot to the dog. And your girl's late birth control is in a bad state i think they should do they should they should they should it should be just for men hair color yeah and it should dye your pubic hair while you're. Yeah. Get it all done in one motion. I wonder if anybody is out there dyeing their pubes. I think for sure there are people.

If they're dyeing their hair. I saw some pretty bad dyed hair this week. I've seen someone recently go from bad dye to transition to salt and pepper. Like somebody must have said. Nice. Somebody must have said something. Somebody nice enough must have said. somebody must have said something somebody nice enough must have said like look it's too late for you now to keep doing that dark black right and he looks way better it's also uh i've heard from somebody who works for uh just for men is that uh men always go darker than they then they ought to okay like that matter what, they always pick a color that's way darker.

You know who does? He's funny. Leedsinger the Cure, I think, dyes his hair. What? No. I can't picture that. Sorry. If I did, I bet I would laugh.

That's a good one. But if you had, if you dyed your hair and then your pubes were like, I'm no white. Yeah. Then you'd be- Because pubes go white. Do they? Yeah. I don't know yet. Graham's like, it's no white. Yeah. Then you go white. Do they? Yeah.

I don't know yet. I was like, yeah, mine are like his beard hair does. Well, but yeah, my beard, my beard hair has gone white, but I guess I don't have pubes yet. Yeah. But I've been at the gym and there's, there's old guys with white pubes at the gym. Okay. There we go. Then the answer is yes.

I don't see why they wouldn't. I just also haven't gotten there. No. I haven't seen, I haven't showered with my mom in years. At least three years. I do shower with my parents, but I take my glasses off. Oh, now they're talking about women who who i haven't done the electrolysis thing you know women who zap off their hair but and there's and again speaking of all the things i learned

from comedians yeah they're saying they regret zapping off their pubes because they don't come back yes because they don't come back and you're in and then of course as you age there's going to be some dangling and then your hair is not going to cover that. So the hair is really more of a... I didn't know that the electrolysis was like a permanent kind of thing. Yeah, I think so. To me, I imagine it grows back like Hooters wings that have one random feather. You know, like a wing.

Is this a thing with Hooters yeah they don't take off the feathers before i just remember my dad taking me there as a kid and being like and having a couple feathers what wow you think they would come up at least with the deep frying i know that's pretty crazy it is crazy this seems like a childhood memory are you uh did this are you are you still a meat eater um yes i do still eat meat. So that wasn't like a... Are you guys vegan? Graham is a veg-o.

Veg. Yeah. I was obviously been toying with it due to the state of things. Affairs. Yeah, the state of affairs. And Joaquin Phoenix is on board now. Yeah, Joaquin Phoenix. Yeah, we finally got him on board.

The Joker himself. Every guy I'm on a plane with is watching the Joker. I swear to God. Yeah, that sounds about right. And I was him at one point a couple weeks ago. I was the guy watching it. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, this was...

Yeah, that's a strong choice to watch Joker on a plane. I remember when he... Because he's always been a vegan. He has? I mean, for a long, long time anyway. And he won, like when he played Johnny Cash, all those cowboy boots and stuff were. Vegan? Oh, really?

Vegan, yeah. I guess he didn't wear any, like, pleather coats or anything. I don't remember. No, but, you know, I wonder, yeah. Somebody was just telling me that about Bo Bridges on set. Like, he's also vegan and goes out of his way.

Huh, Bo. Because Rory shot a pilot and he played a character in it. Oh, really? Yeah, but he was supposed to be a grill master and they used all, like, bean burgers and stuff.

Oh, wow. Yeah. It's weird. I mean... It's important to make those decisions, but that part of it didn't really cross my mind. The character you're playing or.

Yeah. Like I wouldn't think about, oh yeah. Like there's a character that's wearing all leather that you'd have to get. Yeah. Yeah. Fake leather stuff. Huh?

Yeah. I didn't know. I didn't know that he was, uh, until that Oscar speech that he was a vegan. Me neither. Yeah. I mean,

you know, he wasn't like one of PETA's sexiest vegetarians or whatever. He likes to keep it under the radar. I think too,

I've noticed this at least, especially in LA and like you'll see it or whatever, but it's odd. These choices that people make to, either in my opinion,

going vegan or electric car or whatever it is electrolysis it seems like it's those people's choice obviously to either be healthier help the planet like there's a cause for it that seems like i don't want to say noble but it's like positive they're trying to make a nice change and it's almost like high school, the way people react. It's like, you're a nerd. Like it's odd. There's like weird things.

People do each other. Like whatever. I'm thinking of like the, my Google news saying like another Tesla destroyed. Or like I saw one news article where a bunch of trucks parked in all the charging stations. It's like nerd stuff. It's like,

you don't drive a truck. You're a freaking nerd. Yeah. Yeah. It's odd that stuff. It's like, oh, you don't drive a truck. You're a freaking nerd. Yeah. Yeah. It's odd that we're doing that to each other. Yeah, there's a weird- If I recall high school, it wouldn't be,

you don't drive a truck, you're a nerd. It would be, you don't drive a truck, you're gay. Yeah, right, right. Yeah. That was my high school. But isn't it odd, these choices that you're trying to make

to be healthy or help animals or the world is like you're made fun of? Yeah. It's like the more benign the choice, the more aggravated somebody. I live in the rainiest city in the country. I've never worn an umbrella. I feel like at some

point someone must have said something about an umbrella that made you not carry it. That made me not ever carry one. It's also why you don't use a straw. You don't use a straw for environmental reasons. It's because someone called you gay one

time. You're like Dave's too good at that straw. But like there's a whole yeah there's like. Do you know what I

mean though? Yeah because people will post stuff online they'll be like if somebody's vegetarian they'll be like I love animals with the right barbecue

sauce or whatever you're like okay but like enough. I know. It's got to be just the right barbecue sauce. Sweet baby rays. I'll eat your dog. But it's just like, I didn't come over to you. You're coming over to me.

But they must feel that you did come over to them because you, you posted something privately. Yeah. It's an odd entitlement that they put on those people or electric, electric car drivers. Like, Oh, you think you're so special or like you're rich or something. And it's like,

no, there's been also a bunch of articles about how basically over time, I think the new Tesla or the model 3 equals like a Corolla or something. Yeah, it's expensive. It's as affordable as a Corolla over time. Yeah, over time. Meaning like, because I think you only have to have $2,500 down or something

and then your payments. But either way, it's like, what do you think? You have to be a millionaire to be a vegan or a millionaire? Yeah. I don't know. But and they also,

the other thing is they're like, you know, those vegan burgers, they're not better for you. And it's like, that's not why I'm eating. I'm not, I'm not under the,

I know it's still junk. Yeah. Like I know I'm still eating at Burger King. Yes. Like it's not, but yeah. And it might also be that like the most famous vegans are like paul mccartney and like just super rich yeah that's true clinton bill yeah clinton comma bill

yes yeah now we all know how my brain works but the most famous the most famous like meat eaters are you know tyrannosaurus right yeah he did look better, though. I mean, I don't know why I brought Bill into this, but it looked like going vegan, probably. Although, speaking of dangly bits, he should grow a beard. He's a dangler. He's got some dangling. Maybe he

electrolysis. No, I just don't think it will change, I guess. And I'm not saying again, I said I eat meat, but I don't think everybody will change unless you make it like a law or you just don't let it happen. There's always going to be somebody who's like, fuck recycling. But you know what? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Just think that.

It's like I used to be, like, I love meat, and I will probably always eat meat. But, like, I don't have to eat it at every meal. Like, I used to sort of feel like I need meat to be full. And now I'm kind of. Yeah. My friend has a, is a veg before six, vegetarian before 6 PM.

And then if he's out to dinner, he might have a meat veg before six. Veg before six. I, and I like, I have two daughters and I feel like I, and they're very picky eaters as is. And I'm like,

I bet they'll come a day whether they're like we're vegetarian we don't want to eat meat anymore and i'll just be like cool i'm a vegetarian in this house yeah yeah yeah yeah that could work yeah the uh because the whole like i've read this thing about it was the advertising industry after world war two, uh, like teamed up with the meat industry and invented bacon and eggs because bacon and eggs wasn't a thing.

People didn't eat the meat. They hit a home run. And actually a grand slam. Yeah. But like people didn't eat meat at breakfast. Like that wasn't like, but they were like, if people didn't eat meat at breakfast. Like that wasn't like. Weird. But they were like, if we got people eating meat at breakfast, then we'd have people eating meat three meals a day.

Yeah. The more. Oh, my God. That's kind of just scary. But it's like. What they've made us do through advertising. Yeah. How they control.

I'm scared. We live in a scary world. Yeah. I was just thinking like even smoking and stuff. The things that they've been able to do with that. Yeah, that's all advertising. Yeah. Yeah. And like, I know like vape companies are like mad that they couldn't advertise.

They're like, we're not the same as cigarettes. I'm like, how? How are you not the same? Right. I remember when I first found out about vaping or whatever it was. Well, the truth is I used to smoke cigarettes when I drank. And I still like, I'm not a huge drinker. And I think over time I've just drank less.

But in days when I was like maybe going out more and just doing more shows in L.A., like just, I don't know, younger. Yeah. I would have like a cigarette when I drank occasionally. And then to stop, I remember using someone's just vape. Yeah. And then once I did that, I never had my own, but I was just a friend.

And then when you go, when you do that, if you had a cigarette again, you'd wake up in the morning and like smell it. It just felt like disgusting. Yeah. So vaping made it,

smoking seemed disgusting to me. Oh, by comparison. Because it was so clean. Yeah. And whatever. And then eventually I just stopped in general. But the first time I found out about like, oh, Juul is what I mean. Yeah.

The first time I found out about that was I was doing a college. I think it was Wash U. And a couple of years back and I was opening for Alana Glazer and she was like asking the kids what they're into. And they said Juul and poppers. What? Which is like the newest thing and like the oldest form of like releasing your bubble. But I feel like that was so crazy.

When I was in college, I asked people what they're into and they were like Jewel and Tori Amos. Honestly, I thought it was spelled that way for the long, but then you find out now. And even when we were there, some of the kids were talking about how, maybe this is a myth,

but some people have already gotten cancer. It's like really intense. I don't know if anybody's gotten cancer. But they have gotten popcorn lung. Popcorn lung. Oh, I thought it was called wet lung. Either way. Either way.

Okay, what is it? I don't know. I mean, popcorn lung. You're drowning, right? Or something? I mean, no, popcorn lung, it's like your lung turns into Jiffy Pop. No.

Like that kind of. Like that sort of tinfoil. Like that foil container. Yeah. It's something to do with the little air sacs. They like inflate and then don't deflate or something like that. Oh, God. Yeah.

It's. Scary. Yeah. But like. Vape them if you got them. Yeah. I wonder if there's them if you got them. Yeah. I wonder if there's people who vape and then smokers that come around and they bully the vapors.

Like, oh yeah, what about this? Yeah. Remember this? This was when smoking. You're trying to save the environment. Yeah, exactly. You're trying to be healthy over there. It's weird.

Like the last few days, I've seen a lot of people just smoking cigarettes more than. Maybe it's the end of times feelings. Yeah, it is the end of times feelings yeah it is the end of times yeah and like cigarette sales will go up closer we get to that uh oh totally called apocalyptic clock or whatever yeah people just like screw it yeah smoke now because we're all going down it's true if i knew that it was gonna go go down, I would probably take smoking back up. I think that's what, yeah, I don't know. Like,

I wouldn't be like, well, I guess I should watch what I eat or whatever for these last couple of weeks. Exactly. Don't you, I'm just so envious of people who don't think like that, or who don't have to think like that. Like, I'm sorry,

let me form a sentence. Okay, here we go. What I'm trying to say is there are people out there who enjoy running and don't feel something extra special when they eat like a donut.

You know, it's just fuel to them. Right. So like, what happened? Like, why are we so different? Because I've thankfully

never had to deal with an eating disorder or anything like that, but I definitely have such an emotional attachment to food and joy from it. And if I just ate whatever I wanted all the time and didn't exercise, which would be my preference. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, things wouldn't be great.

Yeah. It's funny when you meet somebody who loves exercise. Right. That's what my dad is like. Especially running. Yeah. Because running is so, so like it's just no fun yeah it's painful yeah i think you could get into it if you said i'm running a marathon this year because like there's endorphins no i think there's people that do get

uh that runner's high from it and that those are the people that do it all the time yeah like because they are getting something and And I've experienced that. I never have. Of like where, like, oh, I could go a little further. I didn't like, you know, a few, like half a kilometer ago, I was not feeling good. And now I'm feeling better. I've experienced that from a workout. Like, I can definitely say when I'm moving my body a couple times a week, even if it's just 20 minutes on a bike or something um then i do feel better about myself but i can forget that

real quick and stop exercising for a while yeah yeah yeah like it's not it's not like a popper the hardest part of exercising is like the going from your couch to wherever you have to be. Yeah. Yeah. Mine is showering. And now. Have you tried going with your mom? I hate showering.

I mean, I do and I don't. Obviously, it feels good to be in a shower and be warm and clean and all that. I like being clean. Being in the shower is great. Yeah. Every other part of it as well. It stinks. Yeah. And then wet hair when you're out and it's just and like the just the procedure like you're like,

how many times do I have to dry myself off in my life? Yeah. How many more times do I have to do this? And like when? When do I need to wash this towel? It's only touched clean me and yet it's getting dirty. Yeah. Yeah. and then you're like questioning your whole shower routine like am i not cleaning a part of myself properly are you an every morning shower yeah i have to because every morning i wake up it looks like i've slept in a tent i was just wondering if maybe like i i can i guess you do shows at night so it's a not a possibility but i could imagine you being like a nighttime you shower and then go to bed with like your hair in a towel. Yeah, in a towel.

I used to be the nighttime shower all through high school because we only had one bathroom for the whole family. And so I think I must have just adopted that behavior. I used to be go to like shower, go back to bed. That was my brother. My brother would wake up, he would have a shower, and then he would go back to bed for like another hour. Wow. Yeah.

I definitely did that on accident. I've fallen asleep on the toilet as a kid. As a kid? Yeah. Okay, as a kid. That's pretty adorable. Was anyone filming it for America's Funniest? My dad, of course, definitely took a photo, yeah.

There is a photo of me asleep on the toilet. But I'm telling you you it wasn't like three or four whenever you would i don't even know if you're potty you're potty trained then right uh yes i don't know three ish yes okay yeah this was more like i don't even know seven huh i think it was i mean you're potty trained yes yes i was on that was where i was supposed to be you weren't sleeping in a seven year old's diaper. Yeah, it's weird. Like, do you ever have that when you look back on your childhood and you're like, yeah, I was doing a thing like I was too old for like, you're like, well, the math on that doesn't work out.

Like I shouldn't have still been stand up messes with that with me memories and like what my age was because I definitely talk about my life a lot in stand up in my childhood or whatever and sometimes it feels like everything's like when I was nine it feels like I'm just saying that I don't really remember I could fact check with my mom

sometimes the things I've chosen to talk about change it in my head which I, yeah, yeah. Which I don't love. But I know what you're saying. Because now you're like reinventing a memory. Yeah. Yeah.

I feel that way. I know I was that age because I know the year that happened. Okay. But I don't remember necessarily being 14 and doing that. Right. And then people who write these books, like authors who write either autobiographies or even just memoirs or whatever it is, it's like, how do you remember? Is it because? I don't think you do.

I think you. I think you're a good storyteller. Yeah. You just, you like, you remember a bit of it. Okay. And then you're bridging it with your own storytelling. Well, it's like. You know what I mean?

You're apparently when you dream. It's kind of annoying to me. You have so many dreams. Like there's. Right, it's like, you know what I mean? Apparently, when you dream, you have so many dreams. Like, there's separate dreams as the night goes on. But then you hear someone

telling their dream and they're connecting two completely different parts of the dream and, like, logically, those must be

two separate dreams. But, as they're remembering it, they feel like it was just one long dream. Right. Yeah. Yeah.

I don't know. I don't know it. Wait, are you saying that that's been studied or that's what you think? I was just curious. No, I, that's a little bit of,

that's what I think. Okay. And something I think I heard. Okay. Okay. Okay. I was thinking like, I wonder if I'm doing that.

Cause I don't remember dreams often. And the minute I start to tell them, they, they go very boring. Oh, I was in Minneapolis just Tuesday. Just scouting the venue? This week has been crazy. This is crazy.

You were in Minneapolis on Tuesday. I mean, I landed from Raleigh Sunday, left for Minneapolis Monday night, came back from Minneapolis Tuesday evening,

home for a day, here yesterday morning. That's bonkers. Okay, so, but I think You know what? What? If you were yawning, I would a day, here, yesterday morning. That's bonkers. Okay, so, but I think. You know what? What? If you were yawning, I would forgive you.

Yeah, yeah. You've been all over the map. You've watched Joker on eight places. Yeah, next to eight different men. I was in Minneapolis, scouting the venue, varsity theater, and I was staying at a hotel there, and I had sleep paralysis, which I used to sometimes have as a kid. Have you ever heard that? So is that where you wake up and your body won't move? Yeah, and you can't move. And typically, children I've heard, and I never knew this was other children.

And you woke up on the toilet? Yeah. Yes. But I guess children attribute it often to a demon taking over their body, which is why they can't move, which I did as a kid too, but I never knew other kids did that. Or sometimes they'll attribute it to like someone in the room watching or a bad figure.

And I did both of those as a kid. I was, because I would say the Lord's prayer, which I wasn't even super religious as a kid, but I would say the Lord's prayer and then I could come out of it. So that's what I did on Tuesday. And did it work? Because this time the demon was like dragging me to the ground like i'm in my that bed yeah and i'm wake up a little and i do pee a lot in the night but i woke

up and i couldn't move and it felt like there was something in the room with me and then it started like dragging me towards the ground and i just said the lord's prayer and i slept with the light on which again i'm not a religious person i just something i used to do as a said the Lord's Prayer and I slept with the light on which again I'm not a religious person I just something I used to do as a kid and I don't really know

what it means like sleep paralysis I'm sure there's some sort of scientific explanation for it there is and like I think

you can but that was really scary kind of there's like a pill for it okay but it's the Lord's Prayer

and pill for it yeah you hit a button and Morgan morgan freeman's like our father who art in heaven there is something about having a ritual thing to do that's very soothing yes that and i can see like i when people who have like obsessive compulsive disorder and they say if i do these six things, then it relieves me. I'm like, I can see why I can understand why that would be soothing. Yeah.

To just like, okay, I go through this ritual. And there's lots of people that do like prayer beads and stuff. And nobody thinks that's. Yeah. You know, they're like, and, but that's like a soothing ritual. Yes. You know, and people say like to have like, you know, cognitive behavioral theories.

They say like, repeat these phrases to yourself. It's all the kind of, it's working the same muscle in your, you know. Yeah, it kind of just came

out of nowhere. Yeah. It was like odd. I mean, I definitely have like, I don't want to say like full on anxiety or huge nerves,

but like, yeah, I mean, there's, I have some of those feelings leading up to the special like i'm ready i've been doing it for a while but i'm still like i hope it goes good it's gonna go you know so i'm just sort of i think maybe maybe that's what kicked in and i had that happen to me why are you doing the taping in minneapolis i haven't been

there in a while and the last time i was there i did 10 000 laughs festival and it was like just really fun positive good vibes the people there on board kind of for anything, and great comedy crowds. So it's just like you had a good time there. Why not there? Yeah. I think it's a good comedy city, and I really like it there. The people are just cool. Are you going to allow people to come from St. Paul?

No. Yes, of course. That's fair. Honestly, please, anyone come. No, if you're cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You, please, anyone come. No, if you're cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You got to be cool. Not anybody.

You got to eat meat and drive a truck. Yeah, smoke cigarettes. No nerds. Yeah, no nerds. No, for real, if you're vegan, please come. Anybody is welcome who wants to have a good time. Is the venue like a big theater? It is. wants to have a good time is it um is the venue like a big theater it is it seats like if you look at the whatever it is stats on the line i think it seats like 976 wow but i don't pull

those numbers on the road like of course at a club over an extended period of time you're going to see more and more numbers like that over three days but if i'm doing like a theater i would say in chicago or something the most i would do is like a 500 seat theater so this is different in that yes it is a taping but also we've we've reconfigured it and it will i'll only have probably about ideally about 300 people per taping oh so i'm like i see making it a different space closing it off yeah i'm making it ideally a more intimate and cozy space. Because, yeah, it's watching a special where the person's playing in front of like 2,000 people. You're like, everything kills.

Yeah. There's no like joke that kind of halfway works. Because everybody's like, it's all contagious. Or, you know, canned or whatever. I think it's hard to, I don't know, I just find, I'm trying to think of someone. Like, over and over and I just kept saying, I really don't want this special to be at a big theater, like a proscenium. Like, I don't want to be a little person in a big rectangle. Right.

Being like, you know what I mean? Like, I don't want to be a little person in a big rectangle. Right. Being like, bing, bing, bing. You know what I mean? Like, that is not what I want. And I had to say it. I mean, I do want to see this special that you're talking about.

I had to relate to this too. You're going to get a big, like, microscope. Yeah, where it's like the tidiest comedian. But that is so weird

because who's really doing that? I mean, of course, I can cite John Mulaney's specials as being wonderful. I enjoy those. He's a, you know, showman in a way. and in that sort of space for him that it does work, you know, sort of being on a proscenium stage like that. So I'm not saying it never works.

Now, proscenium is the part between the butt and the balls. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah. That's where you get the shot. Yeah, yeah. But I just didn't want it to, I don't know why we started doing that.

That's not comedy to me. Like the big, because I'm not a famous person. So I don't want to be like, check out my special where all these people love me. Yeah. But they were paid to come in. It's just sort of like,

I just wanted to feel real. I want it to be another show. And I want it to, I want to feel connected to the people I'm talking to. It is kind of weird that aside from the big touring acts that always play theaters, it is weird that you would go from playing this little

club and then you're like, okay, for my special it's a completely different thing that I never do. Ideally, I think for me, just career wise, I would love to be able to play one nighters between clubs instead of, cause the clubs I do typically are about that.

Like what I hope for, for the special two, 300, you know, per night. But it's like, it would be fun to go to a city and do the one show in a smaller theater. Like,

so yes, I would like to be able to do that, but yeah, I'm not looking. If anybody's listening, if anybody's booking, Beth is not turning down theaters she's not anti-theater well i just mean like i'm not looking to like say look at this because this is what's going to happen right thousands and thousands of people are going to start coming to see me it's like i would like to take steps towards doing theaters here and there but or i would like that that would

be great but i don't want it to, I don't want it to be fake. Yeah. I guess that you can see why people do it though. Like, like wish it. Yeah, of course.

Yeah. Or make it happen into. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What am I trying to say? Projected. A secret or whatever.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What do they call that? Projected into reality.

Fundumptionating. That sounds right. Fundumptionating. Yeah. It's like dream board. Dream board. Yeah. Vision. Vision board.

Vision board. Yeah. But anyway, yeah. And also just even thinking about. Self-actualizing? Yes. But like if you were, I'm not purposely like ripping on Aziz, but you know, you watched Madison Square Garden special or I even didn't Louis do one in there too. it's like to me like ew i don't want that it's crazy that anybody does comedy in

an arena like it's i understand why they do it financially it's a victory lap it's money it's a money grab but it's like as a audience member like all right we're up for nosebleeds for comedy. And they paid $72 probably for the nosebleeds. Yeah. I don't know how much they are. Because like Joe Rogan

is coming into town and he's playing like the hockey arena? I think, or maybe even, maybe even BC. No way. He's big.

He's huge. I am, well, that's creatine. But no, I think it's, I think it's the, it's the arena. Yeah. But that's creatine. But no, I think it's the arena. Yeah.

But it's still crazy. And how many is that, the arena? For a hockey game, it's 16,000. Oh my gosh. But like, what is the contingency for an arena act if people don't show up? Because you can paper a club. Right. You can go, you can downgrade to a

theater. Oh, you could like move venues. Can you? I don't know. That's like, at every step of a career, music and otherwise, it's a new nightmare.

Yeah. Can you imagine like, like I'm saying, say I am starting a book, a theater tour, a small theater tour after the special. And nobody comes. Yeah. Who's paying, who's losing money on that? You? You're just like, I am starting a book, a theater tour, a small theater tour after the special.

Who's paying? Who's, who's, uh, I don't know. I don't know the answer. Yeah. It's like, but any time that a comedian has made the decision to play in not just one arena,

but like go on an arena tour is like, what feedback are you getting from the audience? Yeah. It just would sound like the laughs wouldn't, I don't know. Well, then we have, I'm sure we all know people who have opened for some of those arena acts. Yeah. And I think they just say usually play slower, like play a little slower. Right.

I mean, I've opened for Sarah Silverman at at a couple different places but they're not she's not doing arenas no no like doing like maybe a maybe 5 000 seat theater 3 000 5 000 theater and even then for me i'm like whoa and i kind of have to take it in and i might slow down a little yeah um but i can't imagine 15 well and like wasn't it like, was it Ricky Gervais played like the O2 arena? Sure. And I'm like, well, that's where like U2 plays when they play London. O2 plays, U2 plays O2. That's right.

It's a very nice looking poster. To say, I wouldn't do an arena tour. You know what I mean? I'm in a place I'm going to say. But I'm like, i don't think i'd be able to do that and feel good about it if it would be on the screen so they see your face i mean i think you feel good about it really because you're because you're just like it's but like it's a if you are selling out arenas that's pretty cool that's millions of dollars yeah yeah i mean it's like i understand

the people who do it why they do you can like do it once and be like all right well i'm glad i did that and then back to theaters yeah that's true i'm not over here saying like yeah i i hear you i just think i would feel yeah i definitely feel weird but But also, I'm... You know what? But also... It feels weird because I can't play in an arena. Also, because, like, you're off birth control. Yeah, exactly. You're feeling new feelings all the time. It's just like me being like, I don't know if I can fly the plane. You know?

I was like, yeah, no shit. You've never flown one. But it's also like, yeah, the... There's nothing bigger than an arena to play in. Like, is there? That's the biggest thing to play in. Yeah, I mean a football stadium. Maybe dangling from a jet.

Yes. Just over a large field. Yeah. I'm going to do that next time. Where do the Walendas play? Oh, yes. Grand Canyon. Over the Grand Canyon.

Or Times Square. Speaking of saying the Lord's Prayer. Have you seen them walk over the Grand Canyon. Or Times Square. Speaking of saying the Lord's Prayer. Have you seen them walk over the Grand Canyon? Yeah, they're praying the whole time. Yeah. Yeah. Have you ever seen these guys? Uh-uh.

No, they're like, it's the Walendas? Yeah. They're like a family. Yeah. And one of them will do a huge feat like they'll do. Here comes a yawn. They'll like walk across the Grand Canyon on like a tightrope yeah and they'll be the whole time they'll be like there it is they're like oh thank you jesus thank you lord no yeah the whole time and they're mic'd up and

they're also listening to um choral music yeah while they're doing it like they're listening then they can't hear a bird that's like... You know, like knocking them over. I would want to hear all my surroundings. Once you're like...

Once you're out in the middle of it, it doesn't really... You can't defend yourself against the bird. Do they have a hook that would catch them? I don't know.

They did on the one I watched over time. to not have a hook. You're just going to watch your kid die in front of you? Yeah. Like, that's crazy. That's part of being a Willenda.

Before he goes, we love you, but we are willing to watch you die. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's crazy. I guess I just can't imagine being. Mutter praying the whole time. I can't imagine being someone who just would maybe die on camera. Yeah. It was weird because in the Times Square one, the father and daughter started at opposite ends and then had to meet in the middle and cross each other on the wire.

Did they kiss? Yeah, they kissed. And everybody's like, you guys. They actually had a big long spaghetti noodle in their mouths the whole way. But the crossover was so weird because they were kind of making like chit chat. Like, you know, there's like 14,000 people watching down there. And, you know, you're doing a great job. That's it.

I thought we would get better ratings of that. What are you going to do? It's the Grand Canyon. So where can I see this? On YouTube? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Probably. Oh my God.

But it's, yeah, it's not, it's not like thrilling so much as like scary. Right. Yeah. Where you're just like,

I don't, I'm uncomfortable. I guess this is the, I never watched the free solo thing either. No, me neither. No, me neither. Yeah. I can't,

I don't like. It's on Disney Plus plus though is it yeah they got hands all over they got free so they uh i don't like i'm like fine if that's your thing yeah but i don't like people who are like uh like lionize them for it yeah you know because you're doing a thing that you don't have to do. Nobody needs to be doing that. And doesn't serve us in any way. Like it's like, if you,

if it was a high, you know, level like window washer, I'm like, well, you're washing those windows. You gotta go up there. Yeah.

You gotta go up there. But like, would you wash your window while you're up there? But like, just somebody climbing a rock. I'm like, nobody needs to polish that rock. Yeah.

Or yeah. Bring us down to samples. Wipe off the graffiti from the last free solo guy. up there. But like, just somebody climbing a rock, I'm like, nobody needs to do that. Did you polish that rock? Or, yeah. Bring us down some samples. Wipe off the graffiti from the last free solo guy. Yeah. Yeah. I gotta go up there. Yeah.

But like, I don't know. I watched some news story, I guess, where his friend had taken her, maybe it was a protege type, and she fell

and really badly hurt herself. Yeah. Yeah. it was on the news i'm sure my mom's constantly watching the news i tell her you gotta unplug diane just wait till the night time and it'll but did you oh she's watching the news in the day too i'm like just wait till the night i took her on a retirement vacation and like she would still at night want to watch news i'm like no that's what this is about yeah that's what i uh i went to on a trip with my parents uh we stayed with them in new

york last year and just a week of the news always on yeah so what is that about i guess the news for them is our phones or something yeah i know like we're like we're one to talk yeah i know for real where did you go on this retirement adventure? We didn't take like vacations growing up or anything. I don't know. It was just my mom like was a teacher and had three girls. And so we went to Kauai, like the north side of Kauai, the island of Kauai. That sounds.

Yeah. And we just stayed there in this beautiful place on the water and we just had the time of our life let's watch the news what's going on here by the end of it i got her but she she's also just one of those people where like she is always so proud of me but more so like that she's like i can't believe you flew somewhere alone, got yourself to the airport, stayed in a hotel alone. You know, like. Like everything. Yeah.

That's what she's most proud of. Like, I can't believe you did that. You know. You went out and bought that jacket. Yes. That jacket. You're really doing it. You made a dentist appointment and then you went.

Yeah. But I think it's because her dad growing growing up, was always just in before dark, truly telling her she should be in before dark as an adult. Right. Oh, so the fact that you're out on the town. She's also not sheltered. I don't want to make it seem like she's some odd, very structured, sheltered person.

I think it's just more kind of safeties and fears and that type of thing. Right. So we were kind of, it took me a of days to realize that she did have us in before like 8 p.m. every night. Oh, yeah. Oh, really? I see what you're doing here.

Because I'm not going to go out and party with my mom and I'm not really a partier anyway, but I did bring a joint and she said she would smoke it with me and then bailed. So she went to bed and I smoked it outside

and I can't tell if it was like because I'm on an island in the middle of the ocean that the stars were so amazing or if this was freaking wild if the joint was wild because either way either way you got the experience i got inside and i remember i wish i could remember better but i was like oh yeah you were too high yeah i straight i had to take a shower and i thought i was oh that's the last thing i would do if I was high. It was bad. Because I'd be like, how long have I been in here? Yeah, it wasn't good.

The news seems so crazy on TV. Do you hear about this stuff? I watched her. I made her watch Naked and Afraid, I think. Oh, really? While we were in Hawaii. And then I'd be like... I'd scream.

I did find a salamander in the bathroom. And he looked like he'd been in there for a while. One of his limbs had gone white and was starting to shrivel. Oh. Oh. He's been in the tub too long. I'm sorry. Are you high right now?

I did get him out. I got him outside. Okay. Transported him out. Was it like a nighttime shower? A daytime shower? He said, can I go back to bed for a second before it was a morning shower guy oh it's nice um dave what's going on well i would go i would get out

of the shower and i was not very good at drying myself so i would like have a towel around my waist and i remember i would my back would still be wet and I'd lie down. I was going to ask that. Yeah. I would dry my hair and then like wrap a towel around myself. But my back would have like, when I got up from the bed, there would always be little dots of water all over. Then was your bed musty? No.

No? I mean, my bed stunk. I was a teenager. So it was like, my bed was crusty more than musty. A hard bed. You turned your mattress into a mat. With that Casper 100 night challenge. It can't stand up to any team.

The mattress is hard from the waist down. That makes two of us. mattresses hard from the waist down. That makes two of us. So what's going on with me is two nights ago I took Margo, my five-year-old, to her first ever hockey game. This is ice hockey.

I know you're a big field hockey face. Thank you. And I told Margo we were going to go to it. We have a set of tickets for the year. But she's never gone. She's gone to like, we've taken her to shows. We've taken her to like.

Like ice capades. We take her to Disney on Ice. She's gone to movies. But this is a different thing because it's like at night. Like the game started at 7.30. Her bedtime is 8.30. Oh my gosh. Was she tired?

It was a school night. She was so full of sugar. So she was not tired. But I told her we were going to go. And that morning, for school, she got dressed in her pretty frozen dress and like, uh, leggings and, or stockings. And, uh,

uh, when it was time to go, she asked, asked my wife, um, can I put some makeup on? And so she wanted to wear makeup and she was like, she's got this little set of high heels.

She wasn't doing like the Canucks low. No, no, no. She was doing like, uh, your wife's like, honey,

you know, this isn't a date he's mine she wanted to wear her high heels she has these little high heels that we you know when it's when we know she will won't be walking anywhere yeah yeah she doesn't have gym class she can wear them. And so she wanted to wear them and we were like, no, we're taking transit there. Yeah, you

don't understand where you're going. You have to be able to run. People will be eating hot dogs right next to you. You can't be wearing hot heat. We're driving to a subway station to then go to change trains at a different station. Yeah, yeah.

So we're going to be on the road for 30 minutes and we might stay at the game for an hour. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So we went and it was like, I remember going to hockey games when I was a kid and being super excited and wanting to eat all the food and like loving being there and just, but mostly being kind of bored. Yeah. Like as great as it is, it's a lot of. And you're little. You're little. And you're in a big seat and there's someone big in front of you.

That's true. This was not a problem. The height thing. You could see. Yeah, she could see. That's good. And there's like when I was a kid, there was no Jumbotron. Oh, right.

Until I was. It was just a black and white TV set hung from the wall. It was, it was, they would use red, white, and green lights to make designs. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. And so they, yeah, we went and I was like, we're not like, we'll stay for the first period. We might leave in the middle of the second. Let's see how you feel.

We are not staying for the third period. And then, so we went and got some popcorn, went and sat in our seats. Did she pick candy too or no? She, we, no, we just did popcorn. And then I was like, we can get up later and find something else. Yeah. And so we sat there, watched it. She had so many questions about, who are the guys in the stripy shirts?

Right. And I was like, they're the referees. They blow the whistle when someone does something wrong. And so every time the whistle blew, what did they do wrong? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I was like, well, actually, technically, the goalie was just holding the puck. And did they do wrong yeah yeah yeah i was like well actually technically the goalie was just holding the puck and yeah that was not wrong that's yeah yeah yeah so oh oh yeah but there were like questions and questions and uh and that was great she was totally like

engaged and paying attention uh and and and she was engaged when when does elsa come out these are these are the other questions. What is the halftime show? Yeah. Who's performing at that point? And then they would show kids up on the screen dancing, and I would be like, you should dance. Yeah, you should do a little bookie bookie. She did not.

What a disappointment. And I did things I would never do. I left while the game was happening And like went We went to get more food I would I would never Normally get up

Except between periods Yeah And so we went And we got some She wanted like She wanted everything But Yeah

We got an ice cream bar Just Because it is crazy When there's just Adults walking around And you are Three feet tall. Yeah.

And she was, you didn't carry her. She walks and everything. I'm not saying a five-year-old doesn't walk. I'm not that stupid. I just meant she walked. Yeah. Like I would carry her if I had to. Yeah.

But no, not that night. And then I was like halfway through the second and I was like, okay, well, maybe we should head home. It's like nine o'clock. And I was like, okay, well, maybe we should head home. It's like nine o'clock. And then they had an announcement. After the second period, there will be dog races on the ice. Oh, yeah. You got to stay for that. And she wanted to stay?

I wanted to stay. You're not going home before we see these dog races. And it was the players' dogs. This is great. They put them all on the ice. There's like six players on the team, I guess, who have dogs. And their wives and girlfriends were out there, like, with the dogs. On the back of their jerseys it says wife.

It did. They all had, like, a jean jacket with their spouse or boyfriend's name and, like like a jersey number on the back who gets the jean jacket with the number on the back and so we ordered them in one size good luck everybody yeah we were you're gonna be a hockey wife you're gonna want to fit into this uh so they all came out and it was like a pug and a tiny French bulldog against like a hundred pound Swiss mountain dog. He was going to win. It was some mutt. It was a bigger mutt.

Tanner Pearson's dog, I think, Emma. He's like, I think Emma Jean was born on August 1st. It was Emma Pearson. She's six years old. She won and a fun time was had by all of them. We raced home. And did she fall asleep in the car? No, we were on a subway.

So she had fun? Yeah. And she was full. Like she was, we got home at like 945. Man, she beat bedtime, but good. Yeah. And then we had to like, you know. Brush teeth. Brush teeth, read stories. Oh, sure.45. Man, she beat bedtime, but good. Yeah. Yeah. And then we had to like, you know. Brush teeth.

Brush teeth, read stories. Oh, sure. Yeah. And so she was like buzzing until the moment I left the room. Yeah. Yeah. Because like as a kid, if you got any time past bedtime. It's a win.

No matter what. I wasn't. Yeah. I definitely was one. I fought the bedtime. Yeah. Sure. Are you of the three daughters? What are definitely was when I fought the bedtime. Yeah. Sure. Are you of the three daughters?

What are you? Youngest. Youngest. Yeah. I definitely fought the bedtime. I enjoyed the perks of being the youngest, I think, too. You know, your parents let you. And because they were older, I was always pushing more towards older activities.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. But yeah, we went to, my first concert was Amy Grant. And I fell asleep on my mom's lap was this Amy Grant the religious years or her pop years this is pretty much pre

yeah yeah it was more pop um baby baby your love is the devotion the love is

the devotion stop for a minute. Baby, I'm so glad you're mine. Talking about God. Yeah. She did have like some great Christmas album after that, I think. Yeah.

I loved that one. Yeah. Still a fave. But yes, this is more of those songs. I did not know she was a christian artist because she didn't she when she crossed over to pop you you how would 10 year old me have known yeah i think how does any of us know even they disguise it so well like mario and dreddy is that one of them to take my time yeah really you could be so good to me. It is maybe baby,

baby. Yeah. The ones that you just rose. Yeah. Yeah. I weird out. But I do. Yeah.

I remember falling asleep at that, but that was like probably a similar age. I would think. Yeah. And you know, late down at the Dayton Netter Center, I think it was. And big arena.

Yeah. It's a, what was your first concert? Peter Gabriel was. And Big Arena. Yeah. What was your first concert? Peter Gabriel. Oh, Peter Gabriel. Wow. What was yours? As a kid, it was the Beach Boys. Cool.

And it was great because you're like, hey, these are all the songs that we listen to in the car. Yeah. This band knows all those songs. That's funny. Yeah, they were they were great but it's also like as a kid you're like

I don't know what a live concert is I don't understand yeah we obviously my mom took me and my three sisters it's not like we were in good seats

yeah we were it wasn't bad but I remember being pretty high I just remember being well you smoked that yeah

very high my mom didn't want any Amy Grant looked so crazy I don't know if it was because she had one Well, you smoked that joke. Yeah, very high. My mom didn't want any. Amy Grant looked so crazy. I don't know if it was because she shed one of her lips. Ever since the day you put my heart in motion. What's up with you? I don't often watch reality television, but I was having a conversation with past guest Alicia Tobin, and she had watched a show on Netflix called Love is Blind.

Oh, I watched the preview for that. Yeah, I watched the first three episodes of it. You really got pulled in? No, I was like, where is this going? Was kind of the thing. Are they an hour or are they half hour? They're an hour. What is the premise of Love is Blind?

So the premise of Love is Blind is that a squad of men and a squad of women. That's the proper term. A murder of crows that's right into the they're brought into this facility that is um it it's so black mirror that i'm like it feels like i'm what like it feels like an extended episode of black mirror that's the way it's shot it's these pods that the man goes in one side woman goes in the other and they talk to each other but they don't live in the pod

they just go in the pod and have dates where they do not get to see each other almost like a room when I watch the preview it looks like a therapy room just like a little office oh I'm thinking of something but then they show the above shot.

They show like the two people sitting in the rooms and the divide. So this camera kind of swoops over all of the pods. And you're like, this feels like something out of a dystopian future. Like it doesn't feel like a reality show the same way. It's kind of scary. It's scary. Yeah, it's scary. And nick lachey is the host he comes on scary yeah it's very scary because he shows up for a minute on the first episode then he vanishes you do not see him again because he

he got he got the check and he was like i'll be back yeah what if he got like if we could guess how much do you think he got for that nick lachey that's so crazy to me what does he charge for a cameo i can't yeah that's a good call yeah i can't even guess because netflix typically doesn't have a lot of money if you're making your show there it's a tv show but to pull in nick lachey what's it Nick Lachey and his wife what's it cost oh uh vanessa yeah his wife what's it cost oh Vanessa yeah Lachey Bayer

I'm just kidding I don't know my only Vanessa she was was she like an entertainment reporter yeah and so they

but also his wife used to be Jessica Simpson right that's that yeah he second concept yeah he vanishes

so you're like well why was he there at all because he doesn't show up to like explain the different elements who does explain nobody you're just watching this thing and you're like where is this going wow and then if the person if the person asks the person in the other side of the pod to marry them how long are these dates they like it's 15 minutes yeah there's these like it's so condensed that you're like maybe they've been there a day and they've had

a couple of but think about the bachelor you're also like how long has this been you know yeah i meant to write a joke about this but i i similarly to you i try not to watch the bachelor because it's poison for the country but um but the interesting thing about this season is that he cut his head. So you're basically seeing someone find a wife before their head wound can heal. You know what I mean? Now that, I mean, that to me is the reality show. You get a head wound and then you've got to find a wife. Yeah, before it heals. Before it heals.

Yeah. But just so you know, a bug has light eggs in there. And his name's Mark Burnett. Or like, who's the guy who runs Bachelors? Yeah. Or Chris Harrison is the host. No, but like the owner of it all. I don't know.

The guy who's sitting on a pile of millions and billions of dollars. I think, well, Mark Burnett's like Mr. Reality. He's, he's a survivor and. Oh, then this guy might be Fleiss, Mike Fleiss. Oh,

I don't know. Anyway, so, so then what happens? So then they meet, then they get to, if they're engaged, then they get to see each other.

Oh, so they're, they're in a pod. They can't see each other. Yeah. They're talking. They're talking. Are they eating? Are they sharing a meal? Like they're, each get one half of a pod. They can't see each other. Yeah. They're talking? They're talking. Are they sharing a meal?

Like they each get one half of a plate? Yeah. Do you want the chicken? They're drinking. Pass it through the hole. For sure they're drinking. Of course. Because this whole thing is insane. I mean, if you're just listening to people's voices, you've got to be drinking.

All right, listeners, have a sip. drinking. All right, listeners have a sip. And then there's like, you can see like in the hallway where the, they are like, they've all got notepads. So they like,

obviously like are having trouble keeping track of who's in what room. Like they're doing like, this is like a, like math. Oh my God. So they're going to multiple pots. Yeah. Everybody's meeting everybody.

Oh my gosh. Okay. And if someone asks you, sorry, if someone asks someone to marry them, then they get to see each other. They get to meet. I mean, that's like growing up Christian. Like you want to bang so hard, so you're like, will you marry me? You know what I mean?

I think that's like, they're like, this is the fastest way to seeing this person is to say, will you marry me? And then do they get married through like a hole in the wall? Spoiler alert. I have a question that could be a spoiler just for anybody watching. Yeah. is to say and then do they get married through like a hole in the wall spoiler alert I have a question that could be a spoiler just for anybody watching yeah

did anybody get proposed to twice uh there I haven't seen okay because you're three in have you been proposed

to twice multiple times yeah several times a day by the same person congratulations thank you so much yeah

um no I've never officially been proposed to. Me neither. So there you go. Officially. Oh, that's, there's a lot of. Well, I mean, like nobody's gotten down on a knee

because I'm like, oh, and then I run. Yeah, you get out of that food court as fast as you can. Are you tying your shoe or? Please be tying your shoe. Why are we on the jumbo drop? I'm going to do a little dance yeah I have diarrhea

I have to get up so yeah then they get to meet each other and then they go to a resort together then Nick Lachey reappears

to explain that they're at a resort he's like I smell fucking yeah yeah he just shows up uninvited and uh and then that's as far as i got i feel like the the couples are having trouble with the physical part of it because they they were like it was all hot and heavy through the wall but then once they're together, they're like, I don't know. Yeah, of course. I mean, attraction-wise, but then on top of it, just, you know.

It's dynamic of like. I think it's sometimes, that's why people obviously get drunk to hook up for years. Yeah. Because it can be scary or uncomfortable

or awkward. Yeah, and like, there's also a camera crew there. Yes. I'm trying to think of the Netflix reality dating show that I watched, but I can't remember

the name of it. The secret to good sex is just being comfortable enough to ideally do it, not blackout. Yeah. Be sober if you can. Yeah. And communicate what you're into or not into. Yeah, but. I think that's the secret to good sex.

I think you're right. And I think. And of course, natural attraction. I think that. And Nick Lachey being close. And Nick Lachey being nearby. And Nick Lachey being around. And Nick Lachey being nearby. And Nick Lachey being around.

Yeah. Even if it's a cutout, do what you have to do. Do you think Nick Lachey was their first choice or is he ever anyone's first choice? I don't know. Are you like, we can't afford Mario Lopez? 98 Degrees was probably my, I don't know, second concert or third concert. Oh, nice. And Jessica Simpson opened for them.

And then later, she literally opened for them. Yes. I remember not really liking her. Jessica Simpson opened for them and then later she literally opened for them yes I don't I remember not really liking her and sometimes as a woman you doubt yourself you're like oh no

am I not liking her because she's like this you know sexual figure and I feel inadequate or I'm not liking her because like she's a bimbo and I'm judging her like I can't figure it out

she doesn't have a lot of great songs it wasn't she didn't she couldn't sing well and then she was this but that's her strength yellow pleather coat and red pleather boots she's a vegan and maybe i couldn't relate but either way i remember not liking her yeah uh but nick was like the star of 98 degrees

yes yeah oh i always liked his brother jeff i think it was no oh i like jeff and you're right it wasn't a brother but jeff was hot and hottest he's probably who was the one in the bucket hat the other guy mr peanut i don't know but you're right drew is his brother and me and my sisters went to the reunion tour backstreet boys 98 degrees and boys to men a couple years back yeah yeah and we're watching we're watching and we're not the type that's there like really into it or flipping out or anything but we're there to have fun and we liked them growing up you know but there are women there that are we're not too cool but we're not like loons yeah yeah um but there's a woman who was behind me that was a loon like she

has a beer every time. You know when you're like a kid trying to be like, no, I can carry milk to the chair. And as you walk, you start to slowly turn your hand to the left because you're doing two things at once. That's what that woman was doing every time she tried to take a photo down my back, like a beer. And I was like, this has to stop. And I turn around. I'm finally like, dude, I mean, you can't. This is insane.

You're like spilling your beer on me you're spilling milk down my back yes and so she's like drunken like sorry

Nick Drew's my daughter's dental hygienist and it's like so he's you want you need to get photos

now when this man's actually had his hands in your daughter's mouth that's the real time to take a pic she wants the before and after

yeah I'm just like he had time in this right he took off dental school while he was a dental hygienist oh yeah which i think is still years but probably not as long as dentist yeah but huh either way that but that is also interesting even as an artist i I'm not even shitting on him. No. It's pretty crazy. Like, it is crazy to me that 98 didn't keep him afloat as long. Or maybe it did keep him afloat and he wanted to pursue this as just a steady career. Yeah. Yeah. And like, it would be weird to like go to your boss, the dentist, and say, I need to go.

I need a vacation because I'm going on a stadium tour. With boys to men. Yeah. And I, yeah. It's pretty crazy. Yeah, that is crazy.

Yeah. I was, I thought that was wild. Did you, when you left the concert that night, did you get a little bag with a tiny toothpaste and toothbrush? Yeah, I did.

He threw it, he shot it out in one of those cannons. Um, I was remembering the Netflix show, dating show I call, watch was called dating around um and it's the only concept is the editing so it's one person going on like four or five dates and they'll ask someone they'll ask like i'll ask graham a question and he'll answer like he's going on the date and i've asked him a question

and he answers and then you cut it edits and it's the next person they're dating and so like oh same question

yeah so you're just seeing so you're more learning about editing less the person yeah less the person and more all the different people you know

not the subject but it's not like it's just the whole concept is how it's edited it's all just like we will this guy wore the same shirt to the same restaurant with five different women. Right.

And the way it's edited, it seems like he's on one long date where the women are walking in and out. Ah. So it's kind of like a new age Miss America. Yeah, but it was cool because it was like. What are your plans for world peace? america yeah but it's it was it was cool because it was like plans for world peace and it would would be like they would do an episode with two older people or like i guess six older people and then they would do an episode with uh you know someone dating different sexes in the same date yeah yeah this was it interesting it was interesting it was i really liked it okay but

as i'm uh as i'm repeating it back i'm like what even was it yeah i guess it's just interesting to see how people answer those types of questions like anybody but here's where here's herein lies the problem who are those people yeah are they baristas in la that want to be actors because that's upsetting yeah because that's what this show feels like it feels like by the way i was a barista but i'm not shitting on baristas i'm saying like if you're shooting in la like what are we it's gonna be all i don't know people who want are working towards an entertainment those are things you don't think about when you're watching and then when you start living there as long as i have now you're just sort of like who's

what's your plan yeah like what's you what's your i'm trying to say motive. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's kind of the thing with this is like nobody was, everybody's good looking. So the wall thing, like there was nobody who like got a troll person. Right. Like they were all good looking people. Everybody was relieved with the person that they saw. But I don't, like they kept kind of overselling the premise. Like, you don't get to know somebody because of their looks. And I'm like, no, that doesn't make any sense.

Like, you still talk to the person that you go on a date with. And, like, even if they're not the most beautiful person in the world, like, you can like their face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes you're drawn to someone because of their face. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And sometimes you're drawn to someone because of their physical and then turns out

their personality is a turn off. Yeah. And then sometimes you... Like me. Like Dave. Yes, exactly. Perfect example. And then, you know,

other times you get to know somebody and you weren't attracted to them or saw them like that at all and then you are loving your time with them and you're like yeah yeah oops i fell in love with an ugg i'm just kidding no but you know yeah somebody who you weren't attracted to and you grow attracted to them because of like a planet of the apes yeah yeah exactly so it's it's weird that these people are like talking they're just talking to a wall you know what they're getting the show's getting people talking

you know what all I want to know is why they thought they had to have a host on the show because he only shows up for a total of two minutes over three hours

I've watched the show maybe that's like yeah I do have those are all my questions from earlier it's like did they say oops we really don't need you

and then trying to not pay him and he was like fine I'm sorry we it's like did they say oops we really don't need you and then trying to not pay him and he was like fine we'll take them back we'll not pay him yeah I'm sorry we uh

pulled the pockets out of their pants and the moth flies out we spent it all on the pods in these in this resort yeah the pods

part of it is the most kind of like Black Mirror-esque thing that they sit in these pods and basically are drunk alone in a pod. I forget the name. It's called Podbangers?

Podbangers. Tied pods. It's called Love is Blind. I saw the preview and I might watch. Yeah. They're doing these, they understand the power of reality shows. Yeah. The circle they're doing these, they understand the power of reality shows. Yeah. And Netflix is cashing in.

The one they have, the fashion one is just basically. Oh, Next in Fashion? Yeah, but isn't it just basically Project Runway. Fashion Runway. Yes it is. Yeah, yeah. And I loved it and I'm almost done. Yeah. I'm on the finale. But you can really put these on and not watch them.

You know what I mean? They can just be on in the same room as you. Kind of like Love is Blind. They can be on. I don't have to look at it. I know. And it is kind of nice. It is. I'm not always like that, but sometimes I like putting something on and just doing other things.

Well, I suggest Love is Blind. Okay. Yeah. Then you can be blind. You can play along. Yeah. You can have a blindfold on the whole time. Turn a blind eye to how upsetting it is.

Do we want to do some overheard? Sure. Mission Control, this is Rocket Ship One. Come in, Mission Control. This is Mission Control. Go ahead. We have incoming, and it looks big. Can you identify?

It looks like some sort of pledge drive. Affirmative. It's Max Fun Drive. That's a verified Max Fun Drive. Countdown to Max Fun Drive is initiated. Can you project a time to intercept? Based on the current trajectory, Max Fun Drive will be here from March 16 to March 27. March 16 to March 27, roger. Rocket Ship 1, can you confirm a visual on common Max Fun Drive phenomena, such as the best episodes of the year, bonus content, and special gifts for new and upgrading monthly members? We have a visual. Great episodes, bonus content, premium gifts confirmed, and more. Sure sounds quiet down there. Mission Control, what's your status? All systems go, Rocket Ship One.

Just catching up on our favorite MaxFun shows so we can tune into MaxFunDrive episodes between March 16 and March 27. Over and out. All right, Adam. Maximum Fun wants us to record, like, a promo to tell people that they should listen to The Greatest Generation. You want to do that?

No, I am tired of all the extra work. I just wanted to talk about Star Trek with my friend. I think it would be good to like try and get some new listeners by appealing to the audiences of other shows. Like this will only take a minute or two. It could be good for us. We sit down for an hour every week and talk about a Star Trek episode and make a bunch of idiotic fart jokes about it. It's embarrassing. If it got out that we made this show, I think it would make us unemployable. Adam, I have bad news for you. We have tens of thousands of listeners at MaximumFun.org.

Oh my god. I think I'm going to throw up. The Greatest Generation, a Star Trek podcast by a couple of guys who are a little bit embarrassed to have a Star Trek podcast. Every Monday on MaximumFun.org. I'm really going to be sick. Overheard. Overheard.

Overheards. A segment in which we hear things out there in the world and then we bring them back here to the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Beth, are you comfortable with that or do you want to? Yes. Yeah, okay. But wait, hold on.

I'm supposed to say one that I heard out in there? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Crap. I had this whole time to think about it and i didn't that's fine we'll wait you guys might have to start i feel so bad start with so many ridiculous things well the important thing is that you feel bad maybe i do feel bad um mine isn't terrible okay yeah this is like don't listen to mine thinking that oh i should do this yeah i wonder if i wrote anything down uh this is just a uh an advertiser that came up in my instagram feed like just a little ad and

i was like it was just a terrible name of a company that made me laugh and it was for it was when we had the weather was so cold so they must have targeted here because this was a cold weather product and it's a a mask that you wear over your face when it's cold and the brand is just called Airhole Face Mask. It's a face mask with an air hole. Airhole Face Mask. Very close to A-hole. Yeah.

It's got so many things wrong with it. A-hole Face Mask. It's also... Because it only has a hole. I don't understand why everybody keeps making fun of it like a whole face mask and there's a um the abby and i frequently have a song that we sing like we the rhythm of this song matches up with uh what the words we see in our lives we will start singing, A whole face masks.

It's The Stroke by Billy Squire. Oh, yeah, yeah. Stroke me, stroke me. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Very good. It's happened in the past with Abby Wentz's show on TLC called My Fake Baby. My fake baby. Oh, my gosh. I would watch watch that why does it work on us

because there's something where you're like i want to feel better about myself yeah and so i'll watch my fake baby and then i'll feel better gavin was the one who showed me My Strange Addiction. What is that? Oh, my gosh. It's just a show. Oh. Yes. Oh, my gosh. Wasn't there a woman who ate her mattress?

Yeah. Right. And then it'll be like, Tanya eats one square inch of her mattress every day. And you're like, oh, my God. I feel horrible. This is a real person. It's a really, that's an old show.

It's been around a while, right? I'm sure. And I think I'm sure I've heard of it before before but he pressed play on it in front of me and i'm like past guest gavin matt yeah and i'm i'm watching jaw dropped yeah a woman was eating a paint marker and it truly addicted to it well i mean i've never tried but you know maybe it tasted it first and then it started with a little tip tip on the edge of her tongue and then she said mmm started off with a kiss

how did it end up like this it was only a kiss I mostly do killers lyrics yeah yeah yeah poems now um my overheard trying to go

I've got a soul but I'm not a soldier yes yes yes yes yes uh mine was courtesy of a couple guys at a construction site a soldier. Yes, yes, yes. Yes, yes. Mine was courtesy of a couple guys at a construction site. Yeah, exactly. I was like, I'm standing right here, fellas. Come on.

Make with the whistles. I'm standing over that air grate. So come on, I'm doing what you like. It's flopping around. My beard is blowing up to the sky. Yeah. But one guy was on his way he was gonna do a coffee run i guess and he was asking the guy up on the scaffolding if he wanted

a donut and the guy said uh yeah and then the guy asked him with sprinkles and the guy up on the scaffolding said why did you say it like that like maybe he had gotten sprinkles once and the guy up on the scaffolding said, why did you say it like that? Like, maybe he had gotten sprinkles once, and it was a big deal. Yeah. Like, check out Mr. Sprinkles, and that's been him ever since, you know? Sprinkles are a great sensation. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. I don't.

They have that crunch factor, but it's not too crunchy. Yeah, and they don't taste. They're not, like, overwhelmingly taste like anything. No, yeah. Yeah. It's just like sugar. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I'm trying to think because most, there's so many, I'm just trying to think of interactions I suppose. Is that great where Marilyn Monroe was standing? Yeah.

She could have stepped off that, right? Or was her heel caught in it? Her heel was caught. Yeah. And everybody was standing around pointing at her laughing. Yeah. And Ted Kennedy had a gun to the back of her head. Yeah. That was dark. It is dark. Sorry about that. It's a dark photo.

You know, there's a lot going on there that you don't know. It's not a photo. It's a scene from a movie, isn't it? Oh, really? Well, I just always see it as a still. Same. But you're right. I don't think I've ever watched a Marilyn Monroe movie.

You haven't seen a Marilyn Monroe? Uh-uh. Nobody's perfect. I don't think so. I haven't seen one either. Oh, okay. I've seen some like Marilyn Monroe movie. You haven't seen a Marilyn Monroe? Uh-uh. Nobody's perfect. I don't think so. I haven't seen one either. Oh, okay. I've seen Some Like It Hot.

Yeah. Also, there was one that was filmed in Canada and I saw that one. Okay. The one, I think Seven Year Itch is the one with the

dress and the grate. Yeah. The vent. Was it good? I don't know. Oh, you didn't. I don't see old movies. You did just say

you didn't watch it. Do you remember and overheard? Or i can go on to the listener one well i'll just do a quick one sure we were flying and i can't remember where god who knows but that was the joker playing on one of the screens playing next to me yeah and there was um he he was blind actually and he was on the window same row but like bulkhead seat and window far right and i'm on aisle on the left and it was really more just like a personality thing because i could hear everything he was saying it was pretty loud but it was endearing and like you can imagine why someone who's blind would be kind of talking loud and wanting to connect you can't see and yeah yeah and you're in the sky yes he's just very eccentric anybody

that sat down next to him he was like hello pleasure to meet you you know he's very formal and he was basically oh i'm sorry so when we first got on we're loading he's like like singing like and everyone's sort of like, what? Okay. Yeah, you're like, he's warming up. Yes. And so, no, he was. Then anybody who would sit down, and I say anybody because people kept moving. Oh, my. Really, just two people moved, or maybe three.

But he would say, hello. And yes, I'm just, okay, yes, I'm prepared to have my audition at the, and then he said something about some sort of conservatory. Oh my. And I can't remember. It felt like we were leaving LA. I'm sorry. I'm the specifics.

I wasn't planning on telling this, but it was just an interesting thing where he would then say he has his audition coming up and tell that person. And then a couple comes on late and she asks if I'll move to the middle seat. It's like, are you out of your mind? Yeah, exactly. Like what is in it for me? How dare you ask me if I would move in the middle so you can sit next you out of your mind exactly like what is in it for me

how dare you ask me if i would move in the middle so you can sit next to your boyfriend are you a loon yeah yeah yeah and i just said no and then the guy in the window made me feel like a d but he did he got up and he switched for the guy who was in the middle seat who had first been spoken to right well first guy spoken to was aisle and then guy spoken to was Ayo. And then middle comes, he does the same thing to that guy. Now who's yawning? This guy comes,

am I boring you? This guy comes up and moves over here and then I get to hear the story of like, he was like, I don't know what that guy was about.

He wouldn't stop talking to me. He's like very glad to be gone. Yeah, yeah. There's more details, but they're too riveting for Dave.

Yeah, but I like the guy that's warming up on the plane ride to his audition. He wanted everybody to know that he was going to audition. Yeah. Yeah. This guy could have been Andrea Bocelli. Yeah. But he did. He was blind.

One eye looked a little bit shut and then the other one wasn't. But blind. But blind. Yeah. And, uh, they'd be grateful because I fly all the time. wasn't. But blind. But blind. Yeah. They'd be grateful because I fly all the time. My goodness. Can you imagine having to like

wait for somebody to come get you and she came over and asked that? Oh yeah, yeah. Take you right away or wait? He's like,

oh wait. Yeah. What time is it? I've got my audition. For the conservatory. Sing, sing songs. What if he didn't? What if he didn't

have an audition? He nailed it. He he didn't have an audition he nailed it he got it he went he nailed it he's part of the chorus he's you know he is the uh you know whatever prima ballerina or whatever the best singer in the world is yeah the prima ballerina that's right um now we also have overheard sent in by listeners all over the map. If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to spy at maximumfund.org. This first one comes from Sam. They're visiting Mongolia. Oh, yeah. They were at this place called the Winter Palace on a cold winter's day.

There's a lot of backstory here, but it doesn't add to the overheard. Okay. Well, we just learned what happens when someone does that. Yeah. The only other visitors to this site they were at was Chinese government officials and a couple of local school groups. The kids, when they would walk past us, would often shout out loudly, Hello! Or How are you? And then run off. Right.

Except for one kid who ran past us shouting very pointedly at my friend Emma, You suck at Fortnite. What are you going to say back to that? You suck at... I wonder why. I don't know. Maybe it's something you heard on... It's like a burn that you can't recover from.

Yeah, and also, it's just so funny that that's, that is the new pen pal, is Fortnite playing. Yeah. Yeah.

Talking into people's ears. You can talk to anybody around the world. And he learned English enough to trash talk. Yeah, yeah, that's right.

He learned all his trash talk from the internet. It would be great if on Fortnite, people just say, you suck at Fortnite. You also suck at Fortnite. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's right. He learned all his trash talk from the internet. It would be great if on Fortnite people just say, you suck at Fortnite. You also suck at Fortnite. Yeah, you suck. At this, Fortnite. You suck at Fortnite.

This next one comes from Han, spelled solo. H-A-N. Oh, wow. Pretty solo. This is from London, England. I was on the bus. Sitting behind me were two young teen girls, and one of them was a goth. The goth girl said, I wiped a drop of blood on Michelle, and she freaked out.

And I said, oh, grow up. If one of my friends wiped blood on me, I would say, thank you, and then lick it. I lick everything. Whoa. Yeah. That's how you know you're goth. Yeah. You're into blood licking. Blood stuff. I lick everything. Whoa. Yeah. That's how you know you're gone. Yeah. You're into blood licking. Blood stuff. Yeah, yeah.

And you're not donating for a blood drive. You're just doing freestyle blood stuff. Freestyle blood stuff. Please don't wipe blood on me. She wants to be a vampire badly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's hard as a teen because you want to be anything

but what you are. Yeah. But being a vampire is not a viable choice. yeah. And it's hard as a teen because you want to be anything but what you are. Yeah. But being a vampire is not a viable choice. No, and it's just like so many people make that. I've seen so many people go down that path and it's so sad. I want to be a vampire. But it's, think about the future. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't think too hard about the future. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But don't think too hard about the future.

But you know what? There's, you know, there's a path you take and a path not taken. The choice is up to you, my friend. That's correct. You can either be a vampire or be a dental hygienist.

Those are the two choices. Yeah, and you know what? You'll probably see a lot of blood either way. Somebody hasn't been flossing. This last one comes from Craig in East Kilbride, Scotland. This was inspired by Dave's wine glass massacre. You broke a bunch of wine glasses. I broke a bunch of wine glasses a few weeks ago by accident.

Separately and multiple days in a row. This is Craig's wife. Michelle is holding a very large half-full red wine glass and saying to me, look how flexible this glass is. At which point she squeezed the glass and it smashed in her hand. About an hour and most of the bottle later, I noticed out of the corner of my eye that she was flexing the replacement glass and said she should be careful that it doesn't break that one too. And she said, don't worry.

I'm just flexing it like this. Last time I did it like that. At which point, much to her surprise, the glass smashed in her hand again. Oh my gosh. Only two though? Only two. Oh, amateur. You ever smash some glass?

You big glass head? Smash. I'm trying to think. No, I haven't. Oh, I did it myself. I dropped a glass at my sister's over Christmas. I felt really bad about that. Was it a fancy glass?

Was it full of something stainy? No, I don't think it was full. It was just empty. Yeah. But I felt really bad cause she's got kids and it was all over the kitchen floor. Oh yeah.

And she doesn't own a room. And then, yeah. And her oldest son kind of sometimes doesn't listen. And he walked in and was like, what? It's like, don't move.

I'm sure like traumatize them for life. That, that I remember that. Like if a glass, that is a very, don't move. Grownups get very serious about that that. Like if a glass broke, it's like, don't move. Growing up's getting very serious about that stuff.

Yeah. Broken glass time. But no, I don't think, I'm not someone who like, I wouldn't be one of those people that goes to like a smash place. Like to get out anger.

I'm just not. It's just not your thing. You like things intact. Yeah. I don't, wouldn't like have fun going in there like smashing stuff. What about a Build-A-Bear?

The opposite. I'd probably like that. I don't know. I wouldn't like have fun going in there like smashing stuff. What about a Build-A-Bear? The opposite. I'd probably like that. I don't know. I might like like a I could see myself like a driving range or like a batting

cage. That could be that's kind of fun. But I don't want to like go in and just destroy shit. I hear you. It's an acquired

taste. I think it is. Destruction. Yeah. Yeah. Do like what's your favorite thing to smash or to break

You know I like Hearts Or like What's the Like the popping stuff Bubble wrap Bubble wrap Yeah

Bubble wrap or like If there's a thin Layer of ice Over a pond Or whatever Oh yeah You like can step on it With a stick, maybe.

Oh, yeah. That's fun. Oh, that bubble in the ice. Yeah. Very satisfying. Damn. That's the winner. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's one, ugh, Spy spy pod One like these people have Hello Dave Graham And everyone's favorite guest this is Mark from sunny Winnipeg calling in with an overheard Before bed my Four year old likes to pick stories For us to read to him one night he Handed me the classic Robert Munch book love you

Forever he looked me straight in the Eyes and said read this one daddy I want to watch you cry. Oh, and gentlemen, I obliged. I want to watch you cry. Oh my God, I'm dying. Kids rule.

Come on, Dad. Do it. Oh my God. Have you read that lately? Uh No but I know It's a tearjerker Oh yeah But it's also ridiculous

Yeah yeah Yeah It's got some jokes in there Oh Well he's Robert Munch He's very silly Yeah yeah He was a coke ad

Oh my god Yeah coke ad Coke head He was a coke dad He was a coke dad Gosh This is making It's bothering me so much

That I can't remember any It's fine Don't worry about it Don't worry about it Do you know that book? No I was just thinking Of a kid

It was outside of Jenny's I'm trying to remember What he said It was just like Stomp on the ground Because it can't It won't hurt it Something like that

He's like Trying to get his other friend To start stomping on the ground I was like Oh my god I can't bleed. Peer pressure. Starts early.

Oh, boy. Bite the curb. Here's your next phone call. Hey, everybody. So this is an overheard where I think my three-year-old son inadvertently insulted me. So he just kind of recently realized that my parents that his grandparents are my parents so we were driving in the car and he's in the back seat and he said dad and i said what and he said uh you know whose car is really dirty and i said no whose he said

your mom's car yeah the kids are uh earlier and earlier exploring different joke formats. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sir, this is an Arby's. That is so funny. Oh, in my negative way, it's a Wendy's. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Then I got off the bus.

Your mom's car. Your mom's car. Do you ever do that with your brothers? Talk about your mom's car. Do you ever do that with your brothers? Talk about your mom's car? No, we would get the neighborhood kids together and talk about their mom's. I love the kid ones. Yeah, kid ones are good. Well, I don't know about this last one.

I don't remember. All right, let's see. If it is. You have to promise to like it even if it's not a kid one. Okay, fair. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guest. This is Kelby from Vancouver calling with an overheard. Kelby.

I was walking from my car to my front door. No kids. No. And I saw these two boys walking past me about ages 10 to 11. Yep, kids. And I heard one of them say, Yeah, all the characters in the new Star Wars movie are so old. And the other boys said,

Yeah, they're all boomers. I mean, not in the new Star Wars, but like... Oh, yeah, that's what they're talking about. Yeah, I guess. Kylo Ren's a boomer. All the boomers. I mean, because it is a galaxy far, long time ago, far, far away. Yeah.

I wonder what they're going to think of the news saved by the bell. They're all boomers. There's a couple people in it. There's, yeah, there must have been some baby boom after, you know, Alderaan exploded. Yeah. I mean, there was definitely been some baby boom after, you know, Alderaan exploded. Yeah. I mean, there was definitely some kind of boom. They're starting to realize that all the high school shows are actually 24-year-old kids.

You know, instead of like 16-year-olds, you think they are? Yeah. I know somebody who was just on a, who's like 30, who was on a high school show. They just have one of those faces. Yeah. Johnny Pemberton has always been able to play younger

you know Johnny he's a funny comic in LA but he just has like a baby face yeah I wonder when he'll turn but like yeah he was in 21 Jump Street

22 Jump Street I think too he did both but he's just very yeah he's funny he's a funny comic very silly and he does prank calls

and stuff anyway but he's a very young teenager. Some people overhear him saying funny kid things. My nephew, Mason, he must have heard about this at school, but he came home when I was home last and he said, raise your hand if you're a hacker in this house.

It's like his new biggest fear. Hackers? Yeah. Oh, because his new biggest fear. Hackers? Yeah. Oh, because he's, how old is he? I think he must have heard my, I think my sister Hannah's Facebook got hacked because she hadn't used it.

Oh. And I love that he, in his world, like, I'll do the hand raising thing. Everybody has to comply with the hand raising rules. Yeah.

Yeah. If you are. Tell me if you're a cop and you got to raise your hand if you're a hacker. I don't think any of my friends' Facebooks have been hacked, but they're all trying to sell me some Ray-Bans. Yes. Or proactive.

Oh, boy. Well, this has been so much fun. Thank you for being our guest. Thanks for having me back. I think I only yawned twice. Yeah. Oh, you've only yawned twice. Yes.

Yeah. Which was great. And only once audibly. I was leaning into that twice. Yeah. Yeah. But, oh, you've only yawned twice. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Which was great. Yeah. And only once audibly. I was leaning into that one. Yeah. You're taping your special this very week

that this comes out. This week, this Saturday, March 7th, Varsity Theater, Minneapolis, Minnesota, 7 p.m. show,

9.30 p.m. show. They're both taped. Please come. Yeah. Team Coco is producing it for HBO Max you can find tickets this is so exciting

is this your first first hour special that's great yeah congratulations gotta keep people's attention for an hour these days oh boy

good luck good luck yeah I mean try doing that without a pod they're 10 10 minute specials

in one no they're 6 10 minute 10 minute specials once we get to metric time's six. Ten minute specials in one. Once we get to metric time and there's a hundred minutes in an hour. Yeah, and we'll get there. If I keep writing to my

MLA or whatever, we'll get there. Thank you so much for being our guest and thank you listeners. Coming up in a couple weeks, listeners, we're going to start the Max Fun Drive. That's the time of year when we ask you to dig deep into them pockets. Yeah.

And support the show with a monthly donation. Yeah, with a tuppence. Mm-hmm. If you can spare it, sir. And, yeah, if you like the show, why not tell your friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.