Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 626 - Paul F. Tompkins

Episode Date: March 16, 2020

Comedian Paul F. Tompkins returns to talk Mr. Peanut, board games, and LARPing.

Hi, everybody. Hi, listeners. How are you? I hope well. I hope everyone's well. Yeah, you and yours are gathered around the fire, or if you're somewhere hot, around the refrigerator. Yes.

Now, this was supposed to be week one of the Max Fun Drive. Every year, we take two weeks to bring you the biggest shows, our favorite guests, and our favorite guests? Our favorite guests, and ask you to support the show. But in light of what's going on in the world and the COVID-19 pandemic, Maximum Fun has decided to postpone, postpone, post Malone, postpone the drive for a little while so you can focus on staying healthy and doing the right thing right now for you. So if you're a Maximum Fun member, this year's bonus content is available right now.

If you're a member and you missed the email with the instructions on how to listen, check your spam folder or log in at MaximumFun.org slash manage. And in this episode you're about to hear, we took out the pledge breaks, but you will still hear us mention the MaxFun drive a few times. edge breaks, but you will still hear us mention the Max Fund Drive a few times. And that's because this was recorded before the current state of affairs and before the decision was made to push the drive back a while. Yeah, we recorded this way back in February and we were like, let's save this for the Fund Drive because you saw who the guest is. Yeah. But we're not going to save it until, you know, if the Fund Drive is in six weeks or 12 weeks, who knows?

Yeah. Our references to. Valentine's Day. Our references to the people who died in the Oscar montage. Oh, yeah. Will be a little dated. Yeah. Oh, yeah.

Luke Perry didn't get, he didn't get a photo. Yeah. So you'll still have to wait a few more weeks to hear us do our MaxFunDrive, our patented MaxFunDrive breaks where we stammer through. I think you get this stuff at this level. Oh, and you also get the stuff from the earlier levels. And you know what? If you can't donate right now, just forget that we even brought this up.

Yeah, yeah, we're sort of, oh boy. Love us, Just love us. But in the meantime, we'll do our best to keep releasing episodes during these bizarro times. Yeah. You can follow us on Twitter at Stop Podcasting or email us spy at MaximumFun.org if you have any questions or if there's anything that Dave and I can do for you. Yeah. So, yeah. We're going to try to keep putting out episodes. Who knows what is going to happen in the coming weeks,

whether we will be able to get together in the same room. Things might change. It's all a little bit up in the air, but we've got a few for you already. So right now, sit back. Enjoy what can only be called a masterpiece. Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself.

Woo! And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 626 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. It is Max Fun Drive time, so thank you for joining us. Yeah, this is the time of year when we do our Max Fun Drive and we ask you to dig deep, the time of year when we do our max fun drive and we ask you to dig deep peel back the layers and go to maximumfun.org donate and support the show and that man's voice you're hearing is the man who's with me as always mr dave shumka hi normally you say a fun thing about me what do you have to say what do you have to say for yourself uh your your kids are uh great yeah burgeoning artists. They are.

They have different styles. They have different approaches. But it's like looking at when Andy Warhol worked with Baskett. One's very formed and then the other's very loose and crazy. Who's formed? Margot.

Margot looks like a flower. that's what i think she was sure and then poppy's very like i mean i guess i'm uh between uh basquiat and oh andy warhol is all you know clean lines and uh screen prints yeah basically uh photograph photographs photographs that he didn't take yeah Yeah Trace, he traced it And our guest today You may have You may have heard some rumblings He was just in the background

You Someone's going to the Mudder Museum right now I'm ready to rumble It's one of our all-time favorite guests One of Our all-time favorite guests It's our all-time favorite guest I'll take

Take a two Yeah, sorry All have tokens. Back to one. Guys, here we are again. Here we are. We did it. It's an annual tradition.

Yeah. Yeah. Like Christmas and Labor Day. Have I ever done? My two favorites. Love Christmas. I know I'm not alone in that. Love Labor Day.

Yeah. Love it. The only two things that are certain in life christmas and labor day you do you when is your labor day same same day really yeah huh yeah we only have one thing that's off thanksgiving yeah and i believe that's because of our uh climate there's an earlier harvest. Ah, congrats. Thank you. Gotta feel good. Yeah, it is. We gotta get those

pre-Halloween giblets. I got them right now. Anytime it's after Halloween, it's pre-Halloween and I got those pre-Halloween giblets. Ready to get started. What's giblets?

Stage giblets ready to get started yeah um what's giblets uh the stage giblets well i get pre-show giblets yeah oh yeah am i using that right yeah yeah yeah wait say it again i remember when i got married i remember waking up and i had just i was full of giblets yeah but see now i'm confused because did you eat the night before do you eat a bunch of giblets i'm no i did have i I had a full Thanksgiving meal the night before. Yeah, yeah. But not, that was unrelated too. That feeling just woke up like, oh, I'm full of giblets. Oh boy.

I'm lost now. I'm trying to figure out which is the right meaning. Do you want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Paul, what time of day did you get married? Good question. Yeah.

What time of day was it? I think it was a, like a four or 5 PM. And then we had, uh, the, we had a buffet style, uh, we got married in the home of a family friend. So we did, instead of a formal sit down, we did a buffet style. It was like more casual, more party like. And then we danced the night away. Yeah.

From the time you woke up till four in the afternoon, did you have them giblets? Oh, I had giblets like crazy. Which should, like next time, would you opt for, if you could renew your vows, would you opt for like a 10 a.m could renew your vows would you offer like a 10 a.m wedding what to get it out of the way yeah just so you don't so you're not nervous you're

burning the day yeah it was it was really wild and i i had the i finally had the realization like i would say probably like 10 minutes before because it increased as the as the day were on and it felt to me the same as I would feel. The only thing I could compare it to was how I feel the day of a big show is that you're just, all your whole day is just waiting for the show. Yeah. Right. So leading up to like this.

Yes. But then I also realized like it was, oh, I've never, I'm about to have an experience I've never had before. This is a brand new thing. And the older you get, the fewer of those there are that are pleasant. Yeah. I was just going to be like, oh, come on. Plenty of new stuff.

But it's like, now this? Another pill? This foot hurts? Why does this foot hurt? In a weird place too. Yeah. It was usually the other foot that was the one that hurt. That does this foot hurt in a weird place too? Yeah. It was usually the other foot that was the one that hurt. That was that foot's job.

How many pills are you on every day? Don't have to name the pills. Just count them. I'm not, I'm, I'm right now. I'm down to two. Okay.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And one's a vitamin. Yeah. Yeah. I should put a vitamin. I'm doing that on me.

You know what? I have a vitamin, but it dissolves in water. so that's not even a pill. No. That's a mixture. It's a mixture. It's like, boy, it's like a Kool-Aid, basically. Vitamin Kool-Aid.

Yeah. You do that every day? Vitamin K. Vitamin K. I do it every day, yeah. You go into that K-hole? I go deep into the K-hole. K stands for Kool-Aid. That's right. I get it now. Oh, yeah. Yeah. You go into that K-hole? I go deep into the K-hole. K stands for Kool-Aid.

That's right. I get it now. Oh, yeah. Do kids know Kool-Aid Man? Is that a thing that a kid would know? I kind of think that it's still in the consciousness. Yeah. Well, no.

Now that they have the Kool-Aid Man movies coming out this summer and my kids have all the Kool-Aid Man toys. See, you're saying it as if there would not be a Kool-Aid Man. No, there would be. Yeah. I heard they're doing a Kool-Aid Woman. It makes me sick. Ruined my childhood. The Kool-Aid Man, of course, most recently seen at Mr. Peanut's funeral.

Oh, so now this is something that I don't know. Like, I know what it is, but I don't know what it is. This was during the Super Bowl, was it? Yes, there was a lead up to that commercial. The funeral commercial aired during the Super Bowl. There was a lead up to that. We all heard that he died a few weeks earlier. Yes, I only saw one step before, and I don't know if there was more to it.

But I saw the one where he's in a camper with Wesley Snipes and Matt Walsh. Yeah. So it's a real Mad Libs. Yes. And it made me think there must've been something before this. Right. Why are they friends? Yeah.

Do we see them meet? Do they know each other through Mr. Peanut? Yeah. Because most other two don't know each other. Hey, they met at a backyard barbecue put on by Mr. Peanut. Wesley, you know Matt? It's Mr. Peanut.

They're in this wildly careening camper van and then it goes off the road and they're hanging, the three of them, you know, ditch the van. They end up hanging off a cliff, off a branch

that's under this cliff. The branch starts to break mr peanut i guess realizes this is too heavy and i'm gonna sacrifice myself so these guys so we don't all three die i'll just let go and so he lets go of the branch falls to his death wesley snipes and matt walsh looking down say well maybe he's okay this is a direct ripoff of Groundhog's Day. Oh, yeah. Oh. Maybe he's okay.

They say maybe he's okay. Then an explosion. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Absolutely, that was in Groundhog Day. Yeah. But did the, and that aired the same day as that Groundhog Day commercial on Groundhog Day. Yeah, the Super Bowl.

True, that's right. Very rare to have a Groundhog Day Super Bowl. Yeah. It's the only one in our lifetime. The next one won't be. I played the lottery. The next one won't be for another 120 years. That's right.

We'll all be long dead. That Groundhog Day commercial, I felt, was a bummer. Oh, I didn't like it. Yeah. I did not like it it was seeing all these actors coming back to these roles and i was like this is bad this feels bad yeah and bill murray wouldn't have a would he would he have aged in the groundhog day universe well it gets into this weird thing where it's like is he the same character, Phil, who somehow got zapped back into Punxsutawney and is now going through the...

It doesn't make any... Yeah. Yeah, but it's a bummer. They did it with Ferris Bueller a couple of years ago that it was Ferris Bueller. Did they really? Yeah, he was a grown-up ditching work. Oh, I remember hearing about this, but I did not see it. Oh, I remember hearing about this, but I did not see it.

This is like the reverse Mr. Peanut situation, where I've stayed clear of the Mr. Peanut. Oh, wait. So let's get back to the funeral. I'm in mourning. The funeral, Wesley Snipes is giving a eulogy. That's what I want for my own funeral. There's a decent turnout, I guess. You'd think he's very famous, Mr. Peanut. There's not that many people at the grave.

Yeah. Considering how famous he was. Outdoor funeral? Yeah. Oh, okay. Like, look, if it were me, I'd be happy to have that amount of people. Like, I'd say, okay. What time of day would you like your funeral?

Probably 10 a.m. to get her over with. Yeah. And people can dance the night away. over with. Yeah. And people can dance to the night away. I would, I,

the people at the funeral were a bunch of just nondescript people dressed in black. Right. Some people who seem to be Mr. Peanut fans

who are wearing like top hats and shit. Okay. I don't know. Was Wesley Snipes dressed in black? No. He was not dressed in black.

A little disrespectful. Yeah. Well, I mean, he had that blade costume. Yeah, that's true. Just waiting by the door. And if you're trying to figure out a funeral outfit, always been on black. Mm-hmm.

And there are two mascots in attendance, two corporate mascots, Mr. Clean and the Kool-Aid man. Okay. And was Mr. Clean wearing black? No. Was it black Kool-aid man okay and was mr clean wearing black because he's always was it black kool-aid it was like some kind of goth yeah some kind of black current no he was his cheery red self although he wasn't cheery he was sad right and he cried or was it his tear or did something spill out of him? A droplet falls on the freshly dug grave of Mr. Peanut.

Okay. And he is reborn as a baby peanut. It was basically, you know, planters was like, baby Yoda's popular. We got to rush this out way after nobody cares anymore. like baby yoda's popular we gotta oh yeah rush this out way after nobody cares anymore that's uh so what do you do you have any special arrangements you'd like for your funerals i would like mr peanut to be in attendance that's i wouldn't say no to that yeah i would like the guy from the bare naked ladies to laugh at my funeral oh yeah from that song yeah yeah do you know who would be great to play mr peanut in real real life is the actor Doug Jones, who has played, he played...

Fishman. Fishman in several movies. And Labyrinth Hand. And Labyrinth Hand. He's extremely thin. He's the only person I can think of that could pull off the stick legs and arms in proportion to a peanut body. That's what he would look like. You think he would be in a mascot costume and not mocap?

Yeah, in real life, yeah. Okay. I think you could build a very realistic peanut body. I would like to see it. I'd like to see it. That's awesome. There was, in Vancouver's history, there was- We're there right now.

We're making some. A Mr. Peanut ran for mayor. Uh, uh, we're making them a Mr. Peanut. Shut up. It is true. I'm very high. So I'm tripping out on that. We're making history every time we talk.

Tell me, I'm sorry. Mr. Peanut was a candidate that ran for mayor in Vancouver history. So it was a guy in a peanut costume, like in the Mr. Peanut costume, like showed up at the debates and was on the ballot.

How visible was his vent? That's a good question, because I think this may have been pre-like caring about the person inside, so maybe there wasn't a vent. He was just trying to get up to the eye holes. What era are we... He's just trying to get up to the eye holes.

Yeah. What era are we talking about? Like the 50s? Okay, so it's him. The fifth people were fucking around with politics back then. Yeah.

And Mr. Peanut was there. Scout from To Kill a Mockingbird was in a ham costume. Ham costume, yep. She was running for city council, parks board. Was that in the book? I read To Kill a Mockingbird was in a ham costume. Ham costume, yeah. She was running for city council, Parks Board. Was that in the book? I read To Kill a Mockingbird so long ago that I can't remember. Was that invented for the film?

I've only seen it as a gif. He did his whole book report based on the gif. It's one of the great American gifs. Yeah. Yeah. the great american gifts yeah um yeah i uh anyways i don't know if there's there's like all black and white pictures of like him and the other mayoral candidates and that was how close was it i think closer than anybody wants to admit yeah was he the ross perot of that election he had his own peanut money. His own peanut money.

But then the incumbent mayor sent people to rough him up at his daughter's wedding or whatever. That's right. What? What is this? That's how Ross Perot, Ross Perot was leading the 1992 polls as an independent against Clinton and Bush. And they sent, His daughter was also Getting married that summer She had the giblets All morning

Yeah And they This is very the godfather Someone sent Like they They messed with the wedding And I don't know

Wow Exactly what But like that was I think like Around the time he Dropped out Guys I have no information on this. But this is news to me.

If this was Earwolf, we could have an engineer look stuff up and then berate them. Hey! Come on! How long have you been married? Me? Yeah. Aye, aye. It will be 10 years this April.

Oh, congratulations. Thank you very much. You had a 420 wedding? Yeah, man. Oh, yeah. That's nice. That's nice. We were high AF.

Yeah. And we dosed everyone at the wedding. All the food was laced with weed. And we didn't tell anyone. And a surprising number of people did not enjoy it. We had the Black Crows play. Why is that my... That's your go-to drug reference?

That guy wore pot pants. That's a good... Okay, pot pants. I saw a... Speaking of pot pants. Here we go. We had Edie Burkell and the New Bohemians play. A couple on the bus where the guy was wearing pajama pants that had pot leaves and his girlfriend, maybe wife, had pot leaves tattooed behind her ear.

Maybe sister. Oh, yeah. Well, then they shouldn't have been doing what they were doing. I don't like anything that much, I think, to wear it on my clothes, much less tattoo it on my body. I like red wine. Just a bottle of red wine. I don't have any red wine clothes. On your neck. Yeah.

You know what? I'm going to do it. What would you do? Yeah, what do I like? I thought you were going to say they had... Oh, no. Uh-oh. The question that broke Graham.

I thought you were going to say that he was wearing the bottoms, weed pajama bottoms, and she was wearing a weed pajama top. Oh, no. That episode of Who's the Boss, where they had to split one pair of pajamas. Were they trapped somewhere? They were in a cabin. They were in a cabin, yeah.

Cabins. There are a lot of problems. I know. Get closer to the city, cabins. Would you say cottage instead of cabin? No. Out east they would. Out east they would call it, out east they would.

They would call it like cottage country. Cottage country, yeah. Okay. But here you say cabin. We say cabin country. Yeah, cabin country. I say Carter country. Bringing it back to the peanut.

Mm-hmm. Why didn't he start his peanut farm back up? Yeah, that's... Instead of building all these houses for humanity, all these habitats for humanity. Do you, I would like to

hear Jimmy Carter do a riff about these peanut allergies that all of a sudden have sprung up. Let's see what

Jimmy Carter has to say about it. He ruins all the goodwill that he's built up over the past decade.

He does one set on the Tonight Show Okay, this is another story I half know A la Rossi Did you know that he Jimmy Carter wanted to go To war, I guess World War II? What war would he have been in?

World War II, yeah But he had fallen arches And he spent the summer working on a peanut farm with Coke bottles strapped to his feet so that he could form an arch on his foot. What? Like under his, uh, uh, between the ball of his foot and his heel. I guess wherever your arch goes. Yeah.

Coke bottles. Yeah. Oh, that was Georgia. Oh yeah? I wasn't concerned Where did they get those I was thinking It's weird to walk on glass bottles Yeah because they could break

Yeah I think that's why I guess maybe You cracked the case I guess you would have used like a A rock A else a rock a big circular rock how about two rolling pins well where are you gonna get rolling pins in georgia it's coke bottle country yeah it's true yeah he probably just the coke bottles just lying all over the road and accidentally stepped onto and said wait a minute to him he's probably just

just walking on coke bottles likeattles like everyone did. Yeah. Back in those days. But wait, so did he build up the arches? I think so. I believe he, yeah, I think I've seen a picture of him in uniform. Yeah. Ooh, it looks like a snack.

Could have been a stolen valor, you know? Oh, that's true. Could have been him borrowing his buddy's outfit. How come people don't get. He got it from the Army Navy store. How come people don't, it's stolen valor, people dressed in suits for looking like the president. That's a good point. Why don't they stolen valor them? Yeah.

Stolen valor that guy. He's got a flag pin on his lapel. Like he's a senator. Yeah. Let me ask you this. Okay. If it's, you can buy any of that stuff yeah any of that stuff like if you've ever had to put together sketch costumes yeah you know that all those things are

available you can buy a purple heart because it looked like a purple heart you just buy a purple heart and wear it like why is that allowed to buy it yes yeah! Because who cares? Only these guys Stolen Valor people! Only Stolen Valor people care. They don't even like no one at the airline is checking to make sure that you Hey, you boarded first.

You're a Stolen Valor. Yeah. Shit. I was in line behind Bono's hat. Bono's hat. We don't say cottage but we do say Bono. We call Bono Bono here.

I know we've talked about this. The big paper mache thing filled with candy that you hit with a stick. What's that called? A pinete. Watch me whip. Watch pinete. Pinata. Pinata.

All right. What do other people say? I heard one time on a TV show. Pinata? Pinata. Pinata. Yes. Well, we do say drama and pasta yeah pinata and taco taco no we don't do either we're it's we've heard taco yeah some people say taco but you would say a kind if if we said taco we'd be saying it as a joke but i think uh there's also like people that i grew up with they would call a nacho chip a taco

chip yeah what yeah my mother would call it a nacho chip yeah that's a taco chip i know i didn't say it was good i'm eating a hamburger dog it's like what is that hamburger except it's made of different stuff and it's long and cylindrical um uh what is uh what did taco sing put another it's another it's if you what a weird that song was very popular it's so weird yeah and he was a weirdo and the video was weird and i remember it being kind of unsettling to me. Yeah, because he's wearing, maybe, is there maybe blackface in that video? Is it possible?

Oh, shit. It's possible. It's possible. Right? He was wearing white tie and tails. Okay. Spats. Yeah.

All the things that are mentioned in the song. But there's a lot of disembodied hands and white gloves clapping and stuff like that. It's weird that that song was popular in more than one era. Yeah, got another bite at the apple. Do you think that we're due for a third?

Maybe like a Billie Eilish? I think if Billie Eilish covered it, I'd be working on the railroad. I mean, you heard before he died, XXXTentacion said she'll be coming around the mountain. Yep.

Yep. And your turn. Rule of threes. Oh, yeah. I guess, oh, boy. Think of young artists. The song came easy, Jimmy Crack Corn. Oh, yeah, for sure. I mean, we could, think of young artists. The song came easy, Jimmy Crack Corn.

Oh, for sure. I mean, we could do the songs all day. Camptown Races. Little Uzi Vert. There we go. Okay. Did Jimmy Crack Corn. Boy, whew.

Yeah. Trying to keep track of what's going on with the music. It's hard. Oh, man. It's hard. Yeah. That I, uh, trying to keep track of what's going on with the music. It's hard. Oh man. It's hard. Yeah. And I used to know more when I watch SNL, I feel like I knew more.

Oh yeah. Of current music. Yeah. It would be like a name that I heard. And then I could finally see the person and say, that's what that. Now I have a picture of my head. Yeah.

When I hear people talk about this person, but then I could not keep watching that show. You can't. Well, you could just, you know, devour it and then just zip to. Am I going to do that though, man? No, I don't know. I don't know what the.

I'm not going to do that. Wouldn't be prudent. Wouldn't be. Nah, God. What's the newest song you like? The newest song I like. The newest song I like? The newest song you like? What a trap.

Yeah, that is a trap. Is it a trap? Is it a trap song? The newest song I like is a new song by an old band. Yeah. Oh, what is it? Green Day's latest, like their single they put out. Oh.

Really like it. Really catchy. All right. What is your favorite New song I don't know I guess I like Bad Guy by Billie Eilish

Yeah That's about a year That's about a year old Yeah I don't think I've heard A full Billie Eilish song Okay here we go She sang yesterday

At the Oscars I saw that But I don't consider that Her song I do now I do now Yeah she really took Ownership of it

She Aretha Franklin'd that Like I'll never hear the original in the same way again that's right she they i may be so mad that they left people out of that oscar montage and that they were cramming peanut wasn't in the cart mr pito was not in there although i don't know that he made a lot of film appearances. No, he was behind the scenes. But that song is too short. Yeah. That's true. For a montage of 10 people. Yeah, and you're right.

There was two at a time. It was gross. They should have added the extra original verse about scrambled eggs. Yeah. And then you see Abe Vigoda's face over that or whoever died. But who got left out? Luke Perry, I know. You see Abe Vigoda's face over that or whoever died. But who got left out? Luke Perry, I know.

Luke Perry, character actor René Auberjonois. Oh, yeah. There was a young guy that I had never seen before, and people were very upset. I guess other young people were upset that this young person was left out. Who's your favorite young person? Who's the youngest dead person you like? Oh, let's see. John Eric Hexum from the TV show Voyagers.

But then you think about people are mad about these four famous people that got left out. And then imagine all the nobodies that were so many people that got left out. Yeah. And now they're being called nobody. Yeah. By me. A nobody. Oh, I won't make it.

They're not going to put me in that mod. You don't know. You don't know. I'm pretty, I'm pretty sure. I'm pretty sure. What? Unless I'm using reverse psychology on them now.

Yeah. Oh, well. To ensure my place. But sometimes it'll be there, there'll be like, you know, like a set, set designer or something like that. there there'll be like uh you know like a set set designer or

something like that like there will be somebody are they i mean how do they decide of those people like with with the well-known people they're like okay everyone knows this person died this year how do they decide of the people that are that are not visible on screen right i mean they've won so many of them have won oscars so that's like, they probably have a checklist of Oscar winners. You would think, for sure, we got to put these Oscar people in. Yeah. Yeah. Even if they've been nominated, I guess, maybe.

Or maybe that's where they draw the line. Like, well, this guy didn't even get a nomination. Look, I mean, there could have been people who died that night that wouldn't have made the cut. 100%. People that were there. What about, you know, the... Well, but it's too late to put them in there. What if somebody ran up on stage like,

oh, this guy just died. And just held up a picture of him dead on the camera. Can you put this in the montage? Norman Kiswick. He was casting assistant. We're not putting assistants in the, we didn't get Luke Perry. And how come he's the only one that gets a verbal cue?

Everybody else has got. Because he just died of cerebral. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, but just write it on the headshot that you're holding up or whatever, right? Don't say it. Well, then they have to. Then everybody wants it.

Yeah, you're saying they got to tilt the camera down to someone holding a piece of paper? Yeah. You're nudging Billie Eilish out of the way? They should have a caricaturist at the Oscars You're nudging Billie Eilish out of the way. They should have a caricaturist at the Oscars. Oh boy.

To quickly draw pictures of the people that have just died at the ceremony. Yes. And looking, you know, carrying a surfboard

in the back of their convertible. And you know what? If they don't do it, it's disgusting. I think that it'd be a nice thing if you didn't win the Oscar

to get a nice character of yourself. That's not, as a consolation, because there is no consolation. No. No. There's no second place prize.

Yeah. A ribbon even would be nice. Oh, that would be nice to see who placed at the Oscars. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I want to see, yeah,

I want to see the voting. Ian Orling, you got, yes. How many votes you got? I want to see, instead of them saying, It was almost you. It was definitely not you. I want, instead of them saying, and the winner got? I want to see instead of them saying. It was almost you. It was definitely not you. I want instead of them saying and the winner is I want them to have five envelopes.

Yes. And the first eliminated is. Oh, yeah. Jonathan Price. Two popes. And he gets like a white ribbon that says participant. Yes. Yes.

Oscar participant. And he has to wear a sash that says ham. Do. A great American gift. I think they get swag bags. That's the big thing. Yeah. One of the things.

I saw an outrage tweet about that. Sure. About. Swag bags. Yeah. What? Hollywood's hypocrisy, I guess. We don't get swag bags out here.

They complain about all this other stuff, but then they get swag bags. Of course they do. One of the things in the swag bag was a cruise. Yeah. But I don't want to take a cruise. That's very strange. Yeah, like is.

That's not for everybody. No, that's not for everybody. And that was, I think, the most expensive thing in the swag bag. Yeah, yeah. But like, who wants that? Yeah, you either very much want to do that or you don't want to do that. and that was I think the most expensive thing in the swag bag yeah yeah but like who wants that yeah you either

very much want to do that or you don't want to do that yeah but like is it a fancy Hilary Swank only cruise like or do you have to

if you're a famous person do you have to mingle with normal what if you don't like Hilary Swank and then you gotta be on this cruise with her yeah you're on this

Hilary Swank cruise oh boy just a reminder everyone will be screening million dollar baby tonight and then the karate kid three yeah um yeah what uh this is a question that somebody was asking me and i don't know why they were asking me i don't know these things but uh on a band cruise where it's the headliner band, does the... Like a Weezer. Yeah. Does the band stay on the boat? Yes. The whole time? Yes. What are they being?

Helicoptered off? This is exactly what I'm thinking. Onto a boat that's following the other boat and they get helicoptered on. I thought they would pull into a port. I know a little bit about this. I know a little bit. But then they, but I think they go multiple places. I could be wrong. Okay. I guess it depends on what type of cruise it is.

It could be a river cruise. Like those ones. A lazy river cruise. PBS is always trying to get you up there. Oh, sure. A Weezer's lazy river cruise. What if Weezer had an old fashioned river boat? Oh, good on him.

All right. We'll be closing with Proud Mary again. It's weird that that song is about one of those boats. Yeah. That song could not sound less like one of those boats. That is, well, which version? Either. Yeah.

I don't think the CCR one sounds like it. I think the CCR one is. Really? Yeah. Dave! You're serious! I don't think the Tina Turner one does because it has too much energy.

But the... Yeah. A riverboat cruise could never go that fast. How fast can a riverboat go? Like if you were on a riverboat you had to outrace someone. Uh-huh. I guess as fast as the river the river yeah i think you're sort

of in the as long as you're not going upstream you're kind of yeah i just picture although i think a lot of those boats go upstream because the people on them like to spawn you know there's got to be a lot of sex happening On those riverboats On those upstream ones All these gentlemen sliding their derringers out of their sleeves Women taking off their hoops You said you knew a little something about it Yes, let me tell you Graham knows a little something too

Because I have done the Jonathan Colton cruise a couple of times And so there would be The idea was that Of course you had your own room the Jonathan Colton cruise a couple of times. Um, and so there would be the, the, the idea was that you, of course you had your own room, your own cabin. And then,

uh, there was a, uh, a room, uh, a state room for all the artists to hang out. Okay. They could be away from,

I mean, you could go anywhere you wanted, but if you wanted privacy, but you still wanted to see other people, um, you could hang out you wanted, but if you wanted privacy, but you still wanted to see other people, um, you could hang out there. Okay. And then the idea was that if you were out in the public areas of the boat,

you were kind of fair game and people could come up to you and start talking to you. And I found that out when, and look, everyone's very nice, but I got tired of the state room at one point. And I thought, I'd like to go up to one of the,

cause the ship has nice bars and stuff. I'd like to go up to one of the, cause the ship has nice bars and stuff. I'd like to go with a couple of friends up to one of the bars and have a drink. Right. And we went up and sat down and then people came over, strangers came over and started talking to us. Who's us? Me and my two friends. Would you like to know who my two friends are? No.

Okay, good. Cause it's not impressive. No. But actually do tell me. It was Matt Gourley And Amanda Lund Oh okay Yeah That's impressive

And so to you I mean In my real life They're just my friends Oh yeah I mean I was being nice I know you're still Oh boy

But I can stop There's a lot of dragging Going on here Layers and levels Yeah So people came over And started talking to us and they were perfectly nice but it was not what i had anticipated happening but now i realized that's what was going to happen yeah and like yeah that is exactly what i was wondering like if it's the band if the

yeah the drummer from the band wants to just go and eat at the buffet, then everybody. People would leave you alone when you were eating. Yeah, they respect that. Always be eating then. A, B? Yeah. Did you watch the Backstreet Boys cruise documentary? What?

Was that the thing I streamed? Nuke is on the blog. Yeah, sorry. There's a documentary about their cruise? Yeah, it was on Netflix. Did something horrible happen? Is that the thing I streamed? New Kids on the Block. Yeah, sorry. There's a documentary about it? Was it a documentary? Yeah, it was on Netflix. Did something horrible happen? Is that why?

I mean, it existed. But they made like a five-part series about it. No! Yeah, yeah, yeah. Come on. It's great. Man, we got to clamp down on this. On numbers of parts of documentaries?

There's a lot of things that are not a series. That you could take care of this in 90 minutes. Yeah. Like, is the Taylor Swift one, is it a series? No, it's just 90 minutes. Okay. But you know what? I clamped down and I only watched 60 of it.

Good for you. Well, like, apparently I haven't watched it yet, but that McDonald's Monopoly thing. Yeah. It's a multi-part series. And what I've heard from many people is that this did not have to be more than one hour. I'm two episodes in, and we already know who did it. But there might be twists and turns. I disagree with those people.

I'm very entertained by it. It's my favorite show. Almost How You Feel, episode three. Can't wait to check back with this guy But you know what The new kids on the block one It holds Does it really? Have you watched it? Yeah I watched it

The whole thing? Because the bizarre nature of it That there are adult people Who are calling themselves new kids. Right? Yeah. Am I following you? They're old people.

Yeah. They're old men. They're not on a block. They're on a boat. But do they call the cruise new kids on a boat? No, but it's a missed opportunity. But that they. They don't even have to change any of the.

NKOTB on the boat. Yeah TV on the boat, on the boat. Yeah. But that you think it was ever said, well, you've seen it. No, it was never. No one ever said new kids on the boat. It was implied. Well, of course it was implied. Nobody came out and said it.

Um, but can you imagine, uh, like a, a band that you liked when you were a kid and then going on a cruise? Like what is a band that a 12 year old Paul F. Tompkins would have enjoyed? The California raisins. I gotta say, I'd be tempted to see what that cruise would be like. That's true. I'd be interested to know. That's gets back to i don't like anything that much right let's say a band like

squeeze right my wife and i were just talking about a squeeze song came on the radio and we were talking about that uh album singles 45s and under that was like all their singles right and it's so great and like wore out that tape you know what i mean i don't want to go on a cruise with those guys a squeeze cruise no a screws yeah squeeze to cruise control yeah is there a band that you would i mean when, when I was a young man, Weezer would have been my favorite. And I could not think of anything worse than going on that cruise today. Yeah.

But going on a cruise, you were horny for these guys when you were gone. Let's block that back, Graham. Graham. And then now they're old and you're old. And like, what are you trying to reconnect to? I'm not old. But there's also, I mean, to be fair, there's other things that you do on the cruise. There's still all the cruisy type stuff.

Canasta. And then every night there's like a performance of some kind. Does shuffleboard still exist on cruises? I believe so yeah okay that's the only place it's happening it's on the lido deck it's the only place it's happening yeah except in miniature form in bars where you have that disc oh yeah yeah you get to play with the sand i guess i don't know what shuffleboard is there's isn't that called shuffleboard that thing in the bar game but why is there sand and also i don't know what shuffleboard is. Isn't that called shuffleboard? That thing in the bar game? But why is there sand?

And also, I don't know what- It's sand to make the, to keep the surface smooth when you slide that metal puck. Oh, I don't know. I can't picture. I believe that's shuffleboard in a bar. That's what, that's- Right? Yeah, that's what I'm thinking.

Graham, I'm hanging on to you like a lifeline. Because they're shuffleboard at the Legion I sometimes drink at. So they have a shuffleboard. But on a cruise, the American Legion? Canadian Legion? Canadian Legion. Yeah. Well, it's North America.

Yeah. You're a continent. Your army has invaded our legions. Our legions, yeah. And we went down with a bunch of a fight. No, wait. Are you, but, are you, but you're not,

is this stolen valor for you to try to get the Canadian Legionals? Absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah. I dress up as a World War II hero. Yeah. RAF guy. Yeah, the big goggles

on the leather cap. Big scarf. Yeah. Oh, hello, boys. Well, we are all the same.'ll have a beer please i was up there uh having a dog fight with an actual beagle guys dog fighting some thirsty work am i right in a dog house if you can believe it christmas time oh christmas. Isn't that a song? Yes, it is.

About Snoopy and the Red Baron at Christmas? People don't do that anymore. Where they just write a song about another pop culture thing. That's true. But that used to happen a lot. Like the Charlie Brown song? That Charlie Brown, he's a clown? He's a clown.

Yeah. Now was that, do you think that was about the cartoon? Or do you think that they, do you think it was parallel thinking? Both came up with their own version of Charlie Brown. If you read the peanuts cartoon, you don't think that Charlie Brown sounds like, why is everybody always picking it on me? Yeah.

I guess like that is supposed to be a quote from Charlie Brown. The music stops and then he's thrown to him this is supposed to be a direct quote that's right so during live concerts they would have a mic off to hey don't take my word for it here from the man and he'd come out in his uh ziggy zaggy yellow and black shirt and his bald head. What is everybody? So, yeah, no one's doing a song about the Kool-Aid man and Mr. Peanut.

No, that's true. And then Led Zeppelin did songs about Lord of the Rings. Yeah. Where they name-checked places and Gollum and stuff. That's weird.

But like, I guess like a lot of hip hop songs will name check things that the artist likes. But they reference them in passing.

But they're not writing a whole song about these things. There's a song I heard that was kind of popular a year or two ago about Peter Pan. Peter Pan?

Yeah. Okay. That was sort of like, hey, this is about Peter Pan. Last night, Yeah. Okay. That was sort of like, hey, this is about Peter Pan. Last night, I don't read to it. We changed the names of everyone in this song, and I put it in a name generator, and I came up with Peter Pan, I guess. Colonel Curvehand, he's in there. Yeah. Smoo.'s in there Smoo Windy

Smoo after I saw the play Noises Off last night yep thank you I forgot the theater rules you mentioned a play with a friend of the show

Tess Degenstein um uh I first of all at the I Tess is great in the show she's hilarious during the intermission I enjoyed I was sitting on the end of the row had to get up for everyone in the row even though there was an opening on the other side people still are like, eh, I think that's the better place to go. And I had to stand up for many, many people.

So during the intermission, during the first half, I enjoyed it so much, laughing a lot. And then a lady who was sitting near me came back and said, well, you seem to be

enjoying it. Oh. And I said, yes, I am. That's what I'm here for. And she said, are you British? And I said, no. Everyone in the movie That's what I'm here for. And she said, are you British? And I said,

no. Everyone in the movie, everyone in the play is doing a British accent. Uh-huh. Right. Is doing an English accent. So,

uh, she said, yeah. I said, no. And she said, oh, I have a problem

with the accent. I can't, I can't make out the words. Um, you know, people, Polish, Russian,

not a problem, but for some reason, the English accent, I can't make it out. I was like, I don't know what to tell you, lady. I don't know why we're having this conversation. I literally, I think went, huh.

It would have been great if you started speaking in a British accent just to throw her off her game. I wish I had. Do you understand what I'm saying now, Miss? I wish I had gaslit this lady. Yeah. I've been British the whole time? Yeah.

Oh, but afterwards, we went to a hotel bar, the bar in the Wedgwood Hotel. Uh-huh. Fancy bar called Bacchus. Yeah. And you feel like the Greek god himself, indulging in wines and spirits. Oh, no, it's named after the voice of Mr. Magoo. Jim Bacchus. Jim Bacchus, yeah. Oh. Yeah. I guess I've never voice of Mr. Magoo. Jim Backus. Jim Backus, yeah.

Oh. Yeah. I guess I've never seen it spelled before. Yeah. And there was a lot of Gilligan stuff on the wall. A lot of Gilligan stuff. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There was a guy playing piano that I never saw, but he was playing and singing, and he

played that Crash Test Dummy song. He played both Crash Test Dummy song. He played both Crash Test Dummy songs. But first, before that, he did Superman, which I'd never heard before. Oh. You never heard that? I never heard that song. That's like... And that's a song that references a pop culture thing.

Oh, yeah. In crazy detail where he talks about Solomon Grundy. He got in there. Multiple times. Of all the Superman foes, Solomon Grundy. Because got in there. Multiple times. Of all the Superman foes. Solomon Grundy. Because he rhymes with Munger.

And it's hard. What rhymes with Luther? Roofer? No, it never worked as a roofer. His enemy was Luther. But the idea that Superman did not get paid.

Yeah, that's kind of the undercurrent of the song. It is like a good message of like... He did this in spare time it's true he had to still make rent yeah as a reporter and the video for that song is not unlike the mr peanut funeral that's what i was told is that there are a bunch of off-brand superheroes made up and they're all old right yeah as if superman has died yeah because that was my that was what i asked like does this song suppose that superman is not around anymore because one of the lines is we probably won't get another guy like this again yeah yeah and then i was informed yes indeed the

the video leads you to believe that there is no more superman and that uh other superheroes are sad about yeah yeah it's uh i remember like that when that song came out and that was a big thing that they were a canadian band right and uh was that their first single like the first yeah that was maybe their first big one before and then uh canadian band our lady peace had the song superman's dead which treaded on a lot of the same. Yeah, that's true. What's going on up here? I don't know, but Superman

has been name checked in a lot of songs. A lot of songs! That disco song where they love Superman. Yeah! And there's I'm No Superman, the Scrubs theme song. That's right. And You Don't Tug On Superman's Cape.ubs theme song. That's right. And you don't tug on Superman's cape. You don't.

No. What is Superman? Honestly, though, if you tug on Superman's cape, he's going to pummel you into dust. He's a nice guy. He's a nice guy. He's a temper. He's probably going to say, don't do that. Yeah.

Please. You're comparing him to Bad Bad Libra. Yeah. No. That's a difference. Isn't it? It's Jim. You don't mess around with Jim. You don't mess around with Jim.

You don't mess around with Jim. You're comparing Superman to Jim? That is a different song. You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. Right. No, I could see that. Don't talk about Superman's cape. You don't spit into the wind.

You don't pull the mask off the old Lone Ranger. You don't mess around with Jim. Right. So Jim is being compared to the force of nature? Yeah. A mass vigilante. Yeah. You don't mess around with Jim. Right. So Jim is being compared to the force of nature? Yeah. A mass vigilante. Yeah. You don't pants Zorro. You don't pants Zorro.

You don't short sheet to the Green Lantern. You don't nutmeg the Scarlet Pimpernel. That's Nutmeg. When you're playing basketball against him and you put the ball through his legs. I had never heard that before. Nutmeg. That's good.

I had never heard that before. Oh, also, this guy started at a certain hour, like an hour before closing, started playing exclusively TV theme songs. Oh, good. And at first it was weird and then I was like, this makes a lot of sense. Yeah.

It's late and he's just saying, give me a year and people would call out a year and then he would do a theme song. They were all from the 80s. Yeah. Some 90s,

but nobody went like 1952 and he had to do My Mother's a Car or something. All the ones in the 60s seemed like they were introducing the concept of the show. Yes. That was the job of the theme song. Yes. And then they got looser and looser in the 70s.

Either explicitly with words or there would be an instrumental with an animated thing. They'll be like, this sets it all up. Yeah. Pay attention to this. Yeah. And now are we as a culture done with theme songs? Kind of. Yeah.

I think, I think dramas still have theme songs because they have more time to fill. Right. But they're mostly instrumental or I remember lost was just, whoa. Yeah. Yeah. And that's kind of like stranger things.

Somebody opening a rusty gate really slowly. Yeah, and that's kind of like Stranger Things also. Somebody opening a rusty gate really slowly. There's no longer five minutes of Tony Soprano driving. Soprano? Soprano. Now you're in my head. Yeah. Driving through New Jersey.

Yeah. Yeah. Got himself a gun. Did he sing that theme song? He did not do that one. That would have been a good one. Yeah. He did all the Alan, rup, rup. Did he sing that theme song? He did not do that one. That would have been a good one. Yeah.

He did all the Alan Thicke hits. Nice. He did different strokes. He did, uh, Facts of Life,

um, uh, Family Matters, he did. He did, uh, you gotta go to this bar.

The, uh, fucking, uh, Family Ties. Yeah. And, um and um he did he did an instrumental one that i couldn't place it was driving me crazy like i we all there was four of us six of us at this table we all knew it nobody could come up with the name it was what show it was it was it was not no we're waiting for taxi he never did it he didn't have the right too sad too sad

keyboard now here's the thing we realized so you never figured out what this was no okay but we realized we did have a conversation where we realized the only thing that separates us from this guy is the ability to play the piano i think that we know all these songs by heart yeah like it's not like this this guy probably didn't learn these songs he probably didn't have to like download sheet music he's like i know this fucking song yeah yeah can you. Yeah. Can you hum what the instrumental is? No,

it's gone. It's gone. It got knocked. That was early on. It got knocked out by all the other theme songs. Yeah. Huh.

And like nobody in the group could, I guess. No, no. Wow. What was the age range of the group?

I'm going to say everyone from eight to 80. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One for everyone. Probably 20s to me. Oh, okay.

Yeah. If it was older than you. It was not older than me. It was... Oh, because he did play another... He played the A-Team, another instrumental. Nice. Yeah.

I do think of that as having lyrics. The A-Team. The A-Team. another he played the a team another instrumental nice yeah i do think of that as having lyrics the a team the a team there's also the little there's like a pre-roll before the music starts here oh man did he do that he did not do that but my my wife for some reason has in her music library the a team theme it must have been on a mix that somebody gave her. And a lot of times it would do that thing when you get in your car, it just plays the first song. Alphabetically. And it would start with that voiceover. And it drove her crazy.

It didn't pump her up? No, it did not. If you, how does it end? It's like if you need help and you can find them, maybe you can hire the A-Team. Yeah. Yeah. Beautiful. But it tells their story that they were disgraced army people or something.

Yeah, Vietnam vets. Yeah, who got a sex offender charged just for urinating in public. Yeah, yeah. Unfair. I don't know. I once got yelled at by a policeman for urinating in public. Yelled at is getting off easy. I know, but that's the thing.

I didn't realize that was a thing. And then when I found out later, I was like, oh my God. It would have been real bad. Yeah, to have like a criminal record and that be the only offense on it. Yeah. Where you have to go around introducing yourself to people. Oh boy. On a cruise.

Moving from your neighborhood. Unfortunately, this is a sense of. When those people came over to sit with us, that was the first thing I said. I got a police man yelling at me for urinating in public. You don't want to sit around me. Yeah. That's how you keep people at bay the cop was really like how old were you oh i was 19 or something and i was drunk leaving a bar and i was walking into my apartment and i was like i'm not i can't make it i gotta stop over here. And in hindsight, I was very visible, even though my back was to the world. And this cop like shined a light on me.

Oh, God. And just went, hey. I was like, yeah. Yeah. I'll stop. Fair and square. Yeah. Now that you mention it. could you stop midstream uh i could it wasn't pleasant yeah but that's a 19 year old's oh boy yeah you know

being able to stop it's oh he's got the kegels of a 19 year old yeah yeah yeah he's got the kegels of a 19 oh i got a case of the kegels actually. All day before my wedding I had the kegels. Feeling my giblets. Let's take a quick break and talk about

the Max Fun Drive. A QB for the MFD? Dave, what's going on with you? That was good information we got. Yeah. Paul is... That's fun.

Paul is playing with his water. Just having fun. Paul's playing with his water. Just having fun. What's going on with me? Well, I feel like I'm entering a really fun part of fatherhood. Okay. Where? Slip and slide time?

The book by Bill Cosby? Yeah, yeah. I'm entering the best chapter. I mean, I started with, before the Bill Cosbys, I did the Paul Risers. Yeah, sure. Couplehood.

Couplehood. Baby Hitler? I guess I did. Would Paul Riser kill Baby Hitler? The central thesis of couplehood. The bizarre rambling

of Paul Riser. The bizarre rambling Yeah Of all rides But if they could Engineer a Hitler Boys from Brazil style Anyway They should do that So we all get to kill Hitler

Yes they should We should all get a little We should clone him And then get to kill Our own Hitler And well But All of us? Anyone who wants to okay you have to want to you know you're not booty judges medicare for anyone who wants it yeah and if you want to keep your hitler

you can keep your hill if you're happy with your hitler you can keep it how bizarre does that whole conversation sound to you guys? Like, if you're happy with your health insurance, you can keep it. Here's a little info. No one is. Except rich people. The weird thing is I had to do, I had to read something for work about the history of, like, Medicare in Canada. And there were doctors that opposed it when it was first put forward.

There were doctors that went on strike. Doctors that went on strike? Yeah. In Saskatchewan where it was introduced, they were like, this stinks. We're not doing it. That's demented. Yeah. They literally took an oath.

Yeah, yeah. An oath. There's so few jobs where an oath is required. Yeah, yeah. An oath. There's so few jobs where an oath is required. That's true. It's a passive thing. Like, don't actively hurt people. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we're going on strike.

We'll actively hurt people. We're passively hurting people. Loophole. We're passively, yeah. Loophole. We're passively, yeah. I mean, the harm is done. We're just, we're not undoing the harm. That's right. Wow, I did not know that.

That's wild. So even here where it really took. Yeah. At first there was people that were like, no way, man. The old way. The old way, all the way. It should be hard because how will you appreciate it otherwise? Yes.

Yeah. Yeah. It's just free. If you can just get help when you need it. Yeah. For free. But yeah, like that's the thing is that nobody's happy with the state of. People are...

The idea that if you like your insurance, people like having insurance. Like I get it through SAG, through the Screen Actors Guild. It's not, is it takes care of everything? No, it doesn't at all. I'm glad I have it. You only get the two pills. Yeah. I need five pills. Yeah. And you don't get to pick which two. I'm glad I have it. You only get the two pills. Yeah. I need five pills.

And you don't get to pick which two. I'm getting two pills. One's a vitamin. Why am I getting prescription vitamins? I feel like that's an expense I could probably cut. Prescription strength. My eyes are very good. My pee is bright yellow.

Give me some Jetsons chewables. Did they make Jetsons chewables? No, but I think... Yeah. That would be the more advanced. Yeah. That makes sense. When I was a kid, I ate a whole jar of Jetsons chewables.

And did anybody call poison control or they were just like, you're going to pee this. They didn't dare. I became super strong. Bam. Bam. I hulked out of my clothes. My mother was very upset. Never about them for the household again.

Yes. Yeah. Well, they, everything about them was candy. Yeah. Except for the texture. Yeah. But it's like sticking in your teeth, but they look like candy. It's not like candy. It tastes like candy. Yes! Yeah. Except for the texture. Yeah. But like... It's sticking in your teeth. But they look like candy,

smell like candy, taste like candy. Yeah, yeah. Don't make things fun. Yeah. Kids will take advantage. Yeah. That's true.

Make something fun. A kid will take advantage. So, fatherhood. Fatherhood. My fun part of fatherhood is now we are entering board game time. Oh! When the kids... Well, Margo is able to understand My fun part of fatherhood Is now we are entering Board game Time Oh

When the kids Well Margo Is able to Understand Take her turn Right And Play the games

What game are we talking Here's what we got Right I mean that's the first question Absolutely It's textbook stuff We got We got guess who

Oh sure Guess who rules Yeah She's not Guess who rules She's not good enough yet to eliminate. Because we've been playing Guess Who for a little while. And when we first started, she would only ask questions about her card. She'd be like, is your person, let me see, does your person have a ponytail? Because mine does.

Yeah, she's playing some sort of reverse psychology. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So every one of her clues would give me a clue. I was just wiping the floor with her. Yeah. But now she's better. She still doesn't know that the characters are all male, female, and you could wipe out half the board in the first question.

Right, right, right. How much does Guess Who rule compared to Nearly Neil? Oh, Nearly Neil rules. Nearly Neil, the Neil Diamond impersonator who sings at the hockey games? Yeah, yeah. Oh, he rules. Oh, boy, they are. Nearly Neil rules more than Guess Who.

Okay. Yeah. So they're, if we're going to chart them okay uh we play uh this one called uh uh race to the treasure where you build a little uh you you build a little path on the board that's one where you you play with each other and so you're both yeah and there's an ogre you can pull the ogre card And the ogre's trying to get To the same treasure Yeah No I don't like it The ogre

Oh the ogre Sometimes I like They're just like little Squares So you can't like Shuffle them like cards Sometimes you'll just get

Four ogres in a row And it's just like What is this Revenge of the nerds Is the ogre just on a card Yeah Can I say If I were doing this game

I would I would have an ogre just on a card? Yeah. Can I say, if I were doing this game, I would have an ogre figure and then I would put him in the path whenever an ogre appeared. There's also a we play a game called Outfoxed, which is, there is a little fox figure and it's basically

clue. You're trying to figure out which fox They're making new board games. Murdered another one. Which fox stole the chicken pot pie? They're all guilty. And like, we now know that the thief had a scarf. I love that they made it a

baked good, so it's not like an actual chicken. Which fox tore this chicken's throat out um we have one called rhino hero where you have you have to build a little structure out of cards and the rhino lives in it and you got to move the rhino up how so you're the hero to the rhino i guess so uh you're the gyro rhinos jim. Yeah. Well, you have to put little Coke bottles on its feet. Yeah. Which makes sense.

They're all dying out. Oh, yeah. And the other one is Ticket to Ride. Oh, yeah. I played that with my family a few years ago for the first time. Here's my relationship with board games is, wow, this game that I just learned is really fun. Yeah. Never play it again yes yeah yeah um we i like uh it's just like constantly a battle to get them away from a screen so i bet so i buy like if we play an hour of board games a day

it's a win an hour of board games a day i mean we don't but like i i think like a month maybe when i was a kid like one hour of board games felt like homework it's just that uh with margo's bedtime is an hour later than poppy's it's so like when it's my turn to do margo's bedtime i i gotta kill that hour yeah yeah yeah yeah so you gotta you guys because you guys have run out of stuff to talk about. I mean, okay. Yes. Your best friend's name is Natasha. Yes. N-A-T-A-S-H-A.

Good for you. And good for her. Yeah. Yes. Yes. Her name has seven letters and your name has six. Okay. Good.

That is a big thing. I don't know why counting the letters and names is important to Margo. Hmm. But it's important to me too. Like it's something I know. Huh. Like I like when words are symmetrical. Hmm.

It is pleasing. It's pleasing to the eye. I like knowing what letter is the middle of the word. Yeah. You know, I'm from a family of six children and all of our names have four letters. Oh, wow. Oh. Okay. can we guess yes six children okay you already know one no they're all full names none of them are none of them are are short how many how many boy names how many girl names you're down to two boy names okay and. And three girl names. Adam. No.

Ryan. No. Okay. My turn now. Yeah. I'm going to go with a girl name. Dawn. No. Lisa. No. Also, they're all older than me except for my younger brother. So keep Adam. So they have older

names. Older sounding names. Malachi. That's three of them my first guess was Adam what's an older name than Adam you got me there God not enough letters yeah the oldest

four letter name I can't believe we're now gonna ask you to name all your siblings cause we I don't think I can't believe we're now going to ask you to name all your siblings because we can't I don't think I can't do it. Yeah. I think you can. I'm looking at my phone for no reason.

Anne with an E. Anne with an E. Which you guys must appreciate. Yes. We love it. Because it's French. Sarah with no H. With no Rach. No Rachel in the name Sarah French Sarah with no H With no Rach

No Rachel And the name Sarah Sarah with no Okay Yeah Ruth Ruth Oh no

Damn That's old Even for the time That was like Ruth Mark Mark Yeah

My brother's name is Mark Yeah You should have known that You should have known that one Brothers are named Mark Yeah And then my younger brother's name Alan A, A-L-A-N. Like Alan and Eve.

Yeah. It's Alan and Eve, not Alan and Eve. Do you think the Bible would have caught on if it was Alan and Eve? Alan and Eve? I think so. They want to have you over for some fig thing that she made? Yeah. What if it was Alan and Joan?

Alan and Joan. What did they do? Joan would have been a good guess. Yeah, Joan would have been great. My cousin's name is Joan. Okay. All right. Keeping with the theme.

Nice. So, I think we're going to expand our board games. Okay. I'm pushing for Jenga. Jenga, yeah. It's going to expand our board games. Okay. I'm pushing for Jenga. Jenga, yeah. It's going to be messy. Yeah. But worth it.

Show her that video of the dog playing Jenga. I don't know that video. Oh, it's good. Yeah. It was floating around Twitter. You've seen it, right? Yeah, yeah. It's really good.

Does it take it out with his mouth? Yeah. Oh, okay. But someone has to push it out first, right? No. Yeah, this dog's good. I don't know. I think he was a border collie, right?

He was a smart dog. Yeah, he's a smart dog, and he's cool, and I like him. And we're real friends. Oh, you know that? Oh, Graham, I didn't realize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. We're real friends. He goes to a different school than me, but we're friends.

It's in Canada. Did you ever play, when you were a kid? Did you play Uncle Wiggly? No. No, what's that? I think it's, is it based on like a Peter Rabbit type book? But I always thought it was Uncle, I never played it. I always, I had heard

of it, I thought it was Uncle Wiggly. And then I saw at this gaming cafe that had, it was all board games games it was all board games and i guess you could play like dnd and stuff like that but it was no i don't think they had any video games it was all board games stacks and stacks and stacks of them on bookshelves and uncle wiggly is actually uncle wiggly w-i-g-g-i-l-y w Wiggly. Oh. Wiggly. Wiggly. Like an adverb. It's a British thing, I think.

It's an English game, I think. Huh. Like the adverb. To do something very wiggly. Yeah. He's very wiggly. I don't know if you know him. He's very wiggly.

He does things in a wiggly way. Yeah. Yeah. But I'm just surprised that there's new board games. But I guess maybe there's always been new board games. Like, there always will be. I guess. What are we supposed to play?

Othello all day? Yeah, Othello or Candyland. The two originals. What else? Yeah, like Monopoly or whatever. I always wonder about the variations on Monopoly. I guess the gameplay is always the same, right? Yeah.

Yeah, but they have like Star Wars Monopoly. Yeah. And. That makes it fun for kids. Entourage Monopoly. Yeah. My, we were just remembering that there was a. You landed on Ari's street.

Oh, here's what I want to know. Are the tokens the same or do they change? Oh, so instead of being a top hat, you're, you know, Saigon's demo that you left in Vince's car. Yeah, there you go. What else is in Entourage Monopoly? Medellin. Yeah. Medellin, do not

pass go. Yellow Lloyd. Yeah. Yellow Lloyd card. Yeah. Go to jail. Do not hug it out. Oh, fun. Um, it was a fun, well, I was just remembering that there was this Canadian kind of version

of Monopoly in the eighties called Paul economy. Okay. Paul economy. P-O-L economy. Right. Not Paul Economy. Okay. Paul Economy. P-O-L Economy. Right. Not Paul Economy. Oh, I'm not so self-absorbed that I thought it was about me. I got what you were saying.

And it was, it's like, you could buy shares in like Carling O'Keefe and influence the prime minister to do something. Or like, yeah, you were trying to win votes it was like a government and business game and but it had all these canadian 80s businesses like eaton's oh yeah eaton's what's carling o'keefe carling o'keefe is a beer company they were a beer company like they like they would make carling beer yeah carling black label but we don't have them here anymore oh i'm sorry guys we don't have eaton's either geez all the'm sorry, guys. We don't have Eaton's either. Geez. All the Canadian businesses went. Yeah.

Well, once they found out that Eaton's ain't Cheaton's. Yeah. That's right. I don't feel good about that. But, yeah, well, we'll play Paul Economy after this. Oh, that really took the room down. Yeah, I'm sorry. The demise of Eaton's.

Well, I'm just thinking about all the other businesses that were. All the sad Canadian businesses. Yeah, yeah. Zellers just closed its last location. Macintosh's Toffee. Zellers was, what was the Canadian or American? I'll ask what Macintosh's Toffee was in a second. Oh, do you not know Macintosh's Toffee?

Is that Canadian or is it, it seems Scottish from the label. Yeah, but I think it's Canadian. Isn't that kind of Canadian? Yes. What were you talking about, Eaton's? Zeller's. Zeller's is like Target. In fact, Target bought Zeller's, right?

Yeah. But just the last Zeller's, like the, I don't understand how that happens when a company has gone out of business, but then there's still just one. Yeah. I don't understand how that happened. Like how there's the Blockbuster in Alaska, where there was. There was. And there's that Zellers had been out of business for years, but the last one just closed a couple of weeks ago.

There was a supermarket in LA called the Mayfair that was owned by this company called Gelson's, which was a chain of supermarkets. They're all exactly alike, except this one stayed the Mayfair for a really long time. And then they eventually just renamed a Gelson's. But do you think it's like a, an accounting error? Is it somebody has, no,

I was, I liked that. It was still, even though it was exactly the same as every other Gelson's chain supermarket. I liked that. It was still called the Mayfair. Yeah. Well,

like there's the toysys R Us on Broadway. It used to be a car dealership in that spot. That was the Beaumac car dealership. And the sign was all in, it had this huge like neon sign and they just kept the sign. Yeah. But it's- They slapped Toys R Us over the top of it. Speaking of this, oh guys, this is perfect.

Okay. Because it perfectly dovetails businesses going out of business. Yes. And toys. Here we go. As I came into town, I passed the Granville Island Toy Company. Yeah. It has gone out of business.

But. No, there's many locations. Are there many locations? Yeah. Okay. Then this one, this branch closed down. Okay. Sure. I mean, maybe they've all gone out of business. But first there's many locations. Are there many locations? Yeah. Okay, then this one, this branch closed down. Okay. Sure.

I mean, maybe they've all got out of business. But first I saw the sign, Granville Island Toy Company. Then I saw this one window where they have one of those big oversized Lego figures in the window wearing a uniform of some kind. But then as the car kept moving. Was it a Playmobil? Oh, maybe it was a Playmobil. I think it's a Playmobil.

Okay. You know what, Dave? I'm big enough to admit, but I was wrong. So it was a Playmobil? Oh, maybe it was a Playmobil. I think it's a Playmobil. Okay. You know what, Dave? I'm big enough to admit, but I was wrong. So it's a Playmobil. He's wearing some sort of- Wearing a uniform. Uniform. Military look like.

Yeah. Stolen valet. But then as the car moves, I don't know their world. Yeah, that's true. That's true. So I could see that the rest of the windows, the store is completely empty. There's a for rent sign in there. But this dude is still there.

Yeah. Like one of those Japanese soldiers doesn't know World War II is over. The blame would be a guy who just keeps showing up. He's fighting. Oh, it's sad. Yeah, but like, why is it? Like, somebody didn't want to carry that thing.

Yeah. I'd like to see the next business to take it over. Me too. Like, if it's going to be a doctor's office. Yeah. Yeah. Put a little doctor mask on him. Oh, a vape store.

Yes. Put a hoodie on him. Put a hoodie on him. Graham, what's going on with you? This weekend. Take your time Oh, sure This weekend

I just came back from Seattle I was in Seattle To go see You heard the blues a-callin'? Toss out some scrambled eggs? Yeah, that's right I got there You just think they're all mixed up

Yeah, that's right That's the basis Did the guy play that on piano oh that would have been good that's a pretty good like loungy song it's built for yeah on a bar it's a short one what are all the other tv theme songs the cheers theme song is a full song yeah i know they that like some of them have extra verses. Like, Different Strokes has a bridge in it. Like, some of those songs went on for a long time. Huh. I didn't know about

Different Strokes. Huh. Huh. Huh. Huh. Hey. Huh. Huh. Hello. Hey. Huh. Is this the dog that's going to steal my Jenga? The dog didn't steal the Jenga! He's just playing the Jenga. He played the Jenga? The dog didn't steal the Jenga. The dog was entitled to the Jenga.

He played the Jenga. Yeah. He doesn't come in and... He took a seat and waited for his turn. I was going to get Margo an at-home shuffleboard set, but now I realize

there would be too much sand in it. Yeah, there would be sand everywhere. Yeah. I'm sure... Now I'm sure I'm wrong that that thing

is called shuffleboard. I don't know. Shuffleboard has like a, you have like a wand. Yes. You push it. A wand? And you push it on. A racket, your shuffleboard racket.

If it's on the ground. Yeah. A little disc, you push it, right? It's like summertime curling. Sure. Oh, if only. But when you play it like large version on a cruise ship. Is there sand?

No. No. This is, you're right. In the bar, there's something on it to make the disc. Because people put their beers on it and shit. Right, right. Okay. Just making sure I understood what regular shuffleboard was.

No, regular shuffleboard is absolutely what you're saying. Uh-oh. Your honor. What's happened to me? Regular shuffleboard. Absolutely. That's what it is. I may be mistaken that the bar game is called shuffleboard as well, but I thought

that it was. Permission to look on my phone? Permission granted. Graham, let's get down to business. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What's going on with you? You went to Seattle, I heard. Yeah, I went to Seattle. I went to go see Adel. Yeah! Come on! Come on! to go see uh Adel yeah come on come on now we're having fun

there we go this is where the episode starts cut all the rest of that out that's right that was the run up and here we go looking at something like this yeah

yeah okay yeah Sandy Sandy absolutely um so I I took the bus down to Seattle uh We're going to something like this? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. Sandy. Sandy. Absolutely. So I took the bus down to Seattle and you don't like the bus service down to there is fine. It's quick.

But you don't get to pick who sits close to you. Very true. And you don't get to pick who's having what conversation with whom and who falls asleep on you yeah exactly and who's the boss let me ask you this which he did play by the way yeah um oh that's a good one on a bus though you you can move around right you don't have to sit in a there's not assigned seats not assigned seats but at a certain point all the seats are taken taken. And then you're trapped. Then you're playing bus Jenga.

And you are not a dog. But this is a weird thing that happened on the bus. So crossing the border, you had to get off the bus, go through customs, get back on the bus. And these two people must have struck up a conversation in the lineup to go through customs because they weren't talking before customs. And then after customs, it was a world of conversation. And somehow they landed on the topic that they both suffer from migraine headaches. So they were talking about strategies and techniques to avoid migraine. She had like some kind of mixture that she uses to help her avoid migraines.

So then it was migraine talk. It's hard to get it through the border. Oh boy. Right? Because it looks like black Kool-Aid. Maybe they were like, what is this? And then the guy was like, huh, I also have migraines. And then the talk.

So I was like, oh, that's interesting. Two migraine sufferers finding each other in the world nice and then the topic turned very quickly into larping and then that's what the conversation was wow the duration of the trip what do you think was the turn do you think it was like sometimes the migraines are bad so bad i can barely larp it was not unlike that and uh yeah she just started giving this guy the rundown on larping wow and oh he was not a larper no no oh she was a larper and he he was a boy can i make it any more obvious yeah he i think he was i think he liked her and so was like listening i'll indulge your larping i'll pretend to be interested in you but it was like yeah like a solid hour of like i know more about larping now

and the organization what's the organization called uh the well there's different chapters okay there's different chapters depending on where you go. Sure. Local. Union. Yeah, exactly. LARPers local. And it depends on what part of the country you go to.

That's the type of LARPing you do. There's like popular themes in different parts of the country. At one point, I did put on earbuds because I was like, I can't do this anymore. Was he asking questions? Yeah. And I was like, stop asking questions. You're feeding this machine. The questions were like, what does it have to do with migraines?

Migraines. Who are you? Why are you sitting next to me? Yeah. What are you talking about? My migraines make me very sensitive to light and smell and the sound of you

talking about LARPing. Yeah, yeah. But it was this woman's whole, like, that was her social life, was LARPing.

So she was going to meet somebody in Everett, Washington. Yeah. Who she met through LARPing. And she was talking about how depressing

the LARP scene is in Everett. Listeners out there, prove me wrong. Yeah. If you think that Everett's LARPing community is hot shit. The burden proof is on you. Yeah, exactly. You probably have to go up to Burlington.

You got to go to Mount Vernon. That's where they're really LARPing. Yeah, yeah. If you go to Gorge. Yes, you got to go to the Gorge at George. LARPing. Yeah, yeah. If you go to Gorge.

Yes, you got to go to the Gorge at George. But yeah, anyways, what started as a meet cute morphed into. A LARP cute. Yeah. A gross continue. A gross continue. Thank you. Started as a meet cute, ended up being a gross continue.

And then, yeah she she got off the bus in Everett to meet as who very good question she did have like like stick on

moons and stars around her eyes Lucky Charms yeah Lucky Charms she was probably the Lucky Charms leprechaun well there's different rules

and there's different themes in different parts of the country the real arping is really bad yes she's gonna meet Duke and Sam

yeah I'll be the Lucky Charms Leprechaun and then I'll have like sort of an argument with the cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs bird

serial he's very unpredictable yes you'll have to clear that with the cap yes I'm momentarily distracted by your shirt is that a pocket on there He's very unpredictable. You'll have to clear that with the captain. Yes. I'm momentarily distracted by your shirt. Is that a pocket on there?

Yeah. Hmm. Do you want me to put stuff in it? Yeah. I need to see the opening. It's tricky, isn't it? Yeah. It is tricky.

It looks like just a patch zone on there. Putting so many things in there. For the listener, Dave has put in a pen, other things. He's now putting in a piece of paper. It's getting in there. He's, who's a napkin? What? And he's pulling out such a long napkin.

Napkin's turning colors. That's pretty good. Thank you very much. You're welcome, Paul. I will indulge any pocket-related fantasies. I don't know that I... No, Paul. I will indulge any pocket-related fantasies. I don't know that I... No, no. Anything goes here.

Too much. The old hedonism pocket. What's that glass thing? This is a guitar slide. Oh, shit. You like to do that eight-bar blues. Is that an appropriate number of bars? Yeah, I guess you can shorten it.

Yeah, you can shorten it. Yeah, you can shorten a 12 bar into an 8 bar. Like in a pinch. That's it. That's it. My guitar only goes to here. So yeah, so I learned a lot about the Pacific Northwest LARPing scene. Any of it sound like fun? She said, and I quote,

there's nothing quite like being chased around by a man in a werewolf costume in the middle of the night. And I was like, I bet you there is nothing like it. In the middle of the night? Fuck. That actually does sound kind of cool. It sounds exciting. I'm not going to lie.

I met LARPers a million years ago when I first learned what it was when I was doing this weird internet series with Andy Richter, where we, it was somehow a commercial for eBay. It was very, it might even still be up. I don't know. It was called the winner's guide to winning. And the idea was first, it was, we're going to travel all over the country, interviewing people who were experts in a field who were winners. Right. Then it got shortened to just California.

Then it got shortened to mostly Los Angeles, a couple other places. But we did talk to some people in this LARP scene. And what was so funny was this one guy who was in it was saying, it's a, it's not interesting. And we were asking him questions and the guy was extremely not not self-deprecating i guess kind of self-deprecating but he was very he was very like forthright about if you're not in this you're not going to find it interesting right we do it and we, and it's a fun thing that we do, but to explain to somebody else, it's like, you're not going to find it interesting.

He was largely right. Yeah. Well, that's how I feel whenever anyone asks me, oh, you have a podcast? What's that about? Oh, it's, no, I don't want, well, I don't know. Don't make me. Please don't. Don't make me.

No, please don't. But the thing, the way this woman was explaining the things that go on in LARPing, like the werewolf thing. Yeah. That does sound fun. Absolutely. Yeah. Yeah. So there was a lot of that and that she's mostly like, you know, like an elf or a thief, that kind of. Right.

You know, like, because they all have, I guess you stick with your character. Like, I guess you don't show up as a new character every time. Yeah. You've bought the. Sure. Yeah. I mean, that's, that's good to know. That's less of a burden.

Yeah. Yeah. They, you've decided. But I wonder if you could switch if you're like bored of it. Yeah. I should have asked. I'm werewolf now. Yeah.

Now I'm the werewolf. I'll chase you. Yeah. Honestly, to me, all you need is the werewolf if you're doing this at night yeah i'll just be a guy you know what i mean i don't want to get killed by a werewolf i'll show up in my own clothes yeah i will be scared of the werewolf i'll play it to type my role it won't be hard yeah my role is guy who's afraid of a werewolf guilty that would honestly if if you had people who were inclined to do that a little bit but didn't want to go

all the way i feel like that's the best way to do it is get all you need is one guy who's super into it yeah to be the werewolf yeah and then you can just you know it will be scary yeah yeah yeah make him get a really good costume yeah and have like you know cool lighting yeah you can just, you know. It will be scary. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Make him get a really good costume. Yeah, and have like, you know, cool lighting. Yeah. So you can kind of make your way around. And you can see when the werewolf's after you. Yeah.

We may have invented a whole new thing here. You do it under a full moon. Yeah, you do it under a full moon. I'm Mr. Peanut running away from a werewolf. I mean, I know that's not part of it. I know that's going against what we were saying, but that's a fun level though. If everyone is some sort of brand mascot,

except one guy's a werewolf. That's fun. That's fun. Is there a werewolf brand mascot? Hmm. What would it be for? Something that you only use once a month. Okay.

Oh, Graham. Oh boy. Hey, I did. You guys went there. I did not. I did not.

We went where? Rent paying envelope? Werewolf brand. Oh, boy. Hey, you guys went there. I did not. I did not. We went where? Rent-paying envelopes? Werewolf brand rent envelopes. That commercial would be so much fun. Where a guy's like, oh, no, it's that time. It's happening. I have to pay my rent. Trust the brand with the werewolf and he's like

howling as he writes the check oh boy how many o's in that oh boy i'm still writing a woo on all my checks now uh do we want to move on to some Overheard? Yeah, but before that, let's take a long breather and talk about the Max Fundrive. Overheard. Overheard's a segment in which we hear things out there in the great wide open, and then we come into the shelter and we share them amongst ourselves. The oral tradition. Absolutely. Yes.

And we always like to start with the guest. Well, that's me. Now I have two. Okay. Because I have one that's okay, but then I was just texted one from, I'll get into that one. Okay. Do you want to go two in a row? Do you want to go around?

Let me go two in a row. Okay. Woo you want to go two in a row? Do you want to go around? Let me go two in a row. Okay. Woo-hoo. I was working in Atlanta, Georgia on a TV show. I was being taken from the TV show back to my hotel in a van. You were walking on Coke bottles. I was. And the guy who was driving me was waiting on another person that worked on the

production to stop traffic. So he could pull out of this park, this place where we were. And the guy was saying the, but this guy could not hear him. My driver, the, this guy could not hear my driver.

And my driver is saying, come on, Doug, block them. Let's see what you're made of. And then eventually he does block traffic. And the guy went, thank you,

hero. Now, this is the one that I was texted on a neighborhood group thread that I'm on. Yes. So this is people who live in your neighborhood yes and we keep up we keep you keep it we're all friends oh we happen to live in the same neighborhood this isn't just weirdos on the neighborhood no no no this is next door this is like a private curated next door nice oh and so this was uh my friend carla texted us all i was walking past the bird

storefront today. The business recently went out of business called pampered birds. Okay. It had been there forever. They sold exotic birds and exotic bird supplies. Okay. They used to have the birds in the window. They took them out of the window.

That was, that was the end of the business. Then people would come inside and they were like, they eventually put a doorbell on their thing because they're like, we don't want you to just come in and look at the fucking birds. Right. Yeah. And also stop coming in and just look at the birds. Serious inquiry. First of all, leave the birds alone.

Also, the bell scares the birds, so don't ring the bell, please. Just radio. It's screeching. I just don't want to see all these gawkers coming by our squawkers. I'll take it. That's good. Yeah. I was walking past the bird storefront today, RIP, and I overheard a mom telling her child

that the birds were gone and he shouted, they all died. And the mom said, of course not. Like he was the dumbest fucking person in the world. Some of them might have. Not all. Not so many that they went out of business. Yeah. We can't sell birds anymore.

It was a big, in the neighborhood, it was a big thing that Pamper, because people assumed like they were driven out of business. And it was like, no, we've retired. Like driven out by who? Amazon? Yeah. You can order birds now. They get there same day. of business and it was like no we've retired like yeah driven out by who amazon yeah we you can order birds now they get their same day you can get one of those seed bells no problem i think somebody people thought like somebody thought this and then the idea spread like wildfire that the rent had been raised and they couldn't afford to be there anymore

but yeah the people were just like after several decades of selling birds, we're done. We're taking our birds. Yeah. The person had to get on next door and say, Hey, everybody calm down. Don't get mad at our landlords. The birds,

the birds on the building. Yeah. They learned too many words. Yeah. Charge. They tricked us into a weird contract. You're fired. I've got bad news I do

It was such a great name though Pampered Birds Pampered Birds Yeah I love it I don't think there's Is there a bird store? Yeah there is

I don't know if it's still there But there was one There's definitely one on Broadway across from Boston Beach Okay Alright Around there Near where the old Denny's was Okay There was one, there's definitely one on Broadway across from Boston Beach. Okay. All right. Around there. Yeah.

Near where the old Denny's was. Okay. What was that place called? Yeah. Oh, boy. Birds and such. Yeah. The old Denny's.

What replaced Denny's? IHOP. Am I wrong? Or is Denny's still there? No, Denny's has moved. Oh, yeah. But there's a, that Denny's has been torn down. Oh. Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But Denny's has been torn down. Oh.

Damn. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Everybody gathered around. They salted the earth and nothing more could grow there. But yeah, whatever that, Wild Birds Unlimited. There it is. There it is. Wild Birds Unlimited.

Oh, Paul made a dubious face. Do you need the unlimited if the birds are wild? Also, they're not wild if they're in cages anymore. Well, best not to think about it. Maybe that's why they put the unlimited there. Yeah, that's right. Wild birds, I know what you're thinking about cages. Unlimited!

Does that mean they have like emus and stuff? Yeah, yeah, all of them. There's no... Not just stuff that fits in your house. All kinds of birds. You got to get that. There's a lineup on just stuff that fits in your house. All kinds of birds. You got to get there. There's a lineup on, you know, the emus come in on Thursday mornings.

You got to get there early. My overheard is I was having lunch with my daughters yesterday after we went swimming. We were in the cafeteria area, and I heard a man say he was was with his family talking to his wife and they were talking about someone else and and um he said i follow them both on instagram and they're doing that thing where they both post pictures of the kids but not of each other classic breakup move oh wow i guess i guess it's a classic dating back to the origins of Instagram.

Why? Wait a minute. Does that mean they have broken up? They have. They're trying to break up. No, they've. I think he's saying they've broken up. It's not public, but you can tell because they're not posting pictures of each other.

Right, right, right. Just of the kids. Classic. It's a classic. It's a classic. It's a classic. A stone cold classic. Yeah, I guess. It is weird when you barely know someone and you try to figure out clues of their life based on their Instagram.

Yeah. And when it takes too long. When you're like, hey, now that I think about it, that person was engaged and now they're not engaged anymore, I think. Wow, what happened to that ring? Do they stop seeing that person? Do they still have that picture of them holding the ring up? Right. Then you get to feel like a detective.

Yeah. You do a shallow dive. And then you forget why you cared. Graham, do you have an overheard? I do. On this most festive Max Fun Drive episode. Oh, if it's about fun drives, that would be great. Yeah, please, please, please, please.

Guys, it's not. I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. Nobody brought a fun drive overheard? We still have the callers. Good point, Dave. So this is two I would say like

15 year old gals on the bus. And one said to the other, well, you know what happens? You never leave and you become Jen. And the other girl says, who? She goes, Jen Mendelsohn. And the other girl goes who she goes jen mendelsohn and the other girl goes yeah you don't leave and you become jen yeah what jen jen mendelsohn oh god Boy, she never left. She still works at, you know.

Birds Unlimited. Wild Birds Unlimited. She's engaged to one of the emus. Did you just say, meanwhile, Birds Unlimited? Wild Birds Unlimited. Meanwhile. Meanwhile, Birds Unlimited. What would that even mean?

Meanwhile, Birds Unlimited? Yeah. By the way, dogs. Yeah. BTW dogs, dogs. Yeah. BTW dogs is not a bad name. BTW dogs, I like it. Yeah, that's not bad. That's not a bad name for a dog.

Dog would like a pet shop. BTW dogs. Run the kids. Don't run into the street. He's a mascot? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

He's a safety mascot. Don't run into the street yeah he's like a human in a like a trench coat and fedora

yes yeah he's like a human McGruff forks go in your mouth not an outlet so he's just general safety yep yeah

not just he's not just a street. If you see lightning, don't run up on a high hill. I'm BTW dogs. Did you guys see, uh, there was a documentary about the guy who was the guy in the Darth Vader

suit that like, he was like a bodybuilder. There was a documentary about him. Yes. And how many parts? Nine part series. It was a, about him? Yes. How many parts? Nine part series? It was just a one shot documentary. It was on Netflix.

And he was famous in Britain for being a guy that was like a superhero that taught you how to cross the street safely. And that's what most people in the documentary knew him like oh yeah I knew him as the street safety guy oh he was also Darth Vader and you know he was very surprised

to find out he was not the voice yeah yeah yeah that is still like a huge oversight to not let this guy know beforehand no

you tell him that Darth Vader says they don't even give him the right dialogue yeah I find your lack of faith disturbing what do you mean that Darth Vader said. They don't even give him the right dialogue. Yeah.

I find your lack of faith disturbing. What do you mean I'm not Darth Vader's voice? And he wasn't, when they pulled off of the mask, was he Darth Vader's face? No. Oh boy.

Yeah, they brought in another actor. That guy got shafted even more because then at the end of the fucking uh return of the jedi they put um what's his face in there uh hayden christiansen oh they updated it yeah so he's just disgusting darth vader for those for that one brief scene just for like like upper lip up yeah scabby humpty dumpty yeah and then he was he appeared as a force ghost at the end and then they're like man let's get him out of there

there's nobody that's true he didn't earn it I don't know that this is true but I'd heard that they briefly oh I heard this on Lauren Lapkus and Nicole Byers Star Wars podcast where they're watching all of Star Wars for the first time and

Emily Yoshida was one of their guests who said this. Hi, Emily. She's a friend of mine. Good with names. Yeah, very good. I remember five names. And your siblings. I think that they, Emily said that they may have briefly like put Hayden Christensen's face, like aged it.

To be. To cover over this guy's face when he was dying darth vader and then i guess it looked bad yeah worse than dying darth vader that's that lets you know you've done a bad job but man like that guy in this very narrow frame of time played darth vader yeah. So many people have played this guy now. Yeah. In so many different stages. Who's your favorite Vader?

Mine's Roger Moore. Do you think we're ready for a black Darth Vader? No, come on. Everything's changing so fast. Now, we also have overheard sent in from people all over the map If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to Not the globe Not the globe

The map The atlas The world is flat A dragon sent one in If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at maximumfun.org And this first one comes from bart in texas uh i'm a teacher at a community college i've noticed one of my students this semester has really made an effort to sit in different parts of the classroom and talk to different classmates during the breaks

this week i heard the following get to know you exchange student one yo dog can i be real with you student two absolutely man what's up student one what kind of food do you like student two hamburgers hamburgers another student he's very wimpy yeah and he doesn't have money today can i be real with you yeah can i be real with you can we do some real talk what type of food do you like hamburgers hamburgers is such an old-fashioned word to me it really is like aren't you a junkhead yeah the original not the sexy. I think the originals are plenty sexy. Does the sexy Jughead like hamburgers? I don't know.

He vapes a hamburger. Sinked. Hamburger oil. A beefy little vape. He vapes a hamburger. Paul, what kind of food do you like? Paul Yeah What kind of food do you like? The first thing that comes to mind

Is Italian food Because the word food is in there Yeah That's right I think that is my favorite though Yeah me too I think it's my favorite cuisine Yeah put me

Give me a plate of pasta Love it So good Love it Sauce on there too Eh? Yeah man No sauce

Can I be real with you? There's one thing I don't like About Italian food The sauce What I like I want you to boil the pasta Then drain it Let it sit there a while

Yeah Get it all Stick together What about Do you like Italian food Graham? I do I love it Is it one of the things you can eat? It is Of course Good good What do you mean Italian food, Graham? I do, I love it. Is it one of the things you can eat? It is.

Of course. Good, good. What do you mean, of course? Well, I... This guy, he's like a boy in a bubble. Yeah, that's true. I guess I meant in terms of he's a vegetarian. Yeah.

Ah, also true. Yeah, but the Italian, you can eat a lot of their delicious, delicious food and be a vegetarian. A lot of varieties. And no peanuts. No peanuts in it. No, that's true. They don. A lot of varieties. And no peanuts. No, that's true. They don't ever sneak a nut into the Italian food. A lot of cuisines. Pine nut?

Pesto. Stay away from the pesto. Is that a problem for you? Any nut. Any nut. It's fine. I've made it this fine. I've, I've made it this far.

What about, uh, further? Oh, we have an announcement. We save this for a drive. Yeah. Let's drive.

Next, next week show. Graham will eat a nut. Yeah. You have to stop him with your pledge. It's what people have been asking for for years. Oh, uh,

this next one comes from Daniel C in Davis, California. I work at a college. These are all school ones, by the way. Oh, well, uh,

you know, live, laugh, learn. Yeah. Uh, that's a LARP live, laugh,

LARP. Uh, he pray LARP. Live, laugh, LARP. Be brave, LARP. Be brave, LARP. I work at a college, and there are students giving incoming students a tour, and I went by a group and overheard, guys, who has pet a llama? That's right. I have pet a llama, and now that you're enrolled, so can you.

Wild llamas unlimited. Unlamated. Have you pet a llama? No. Oh, yeah. I don't think I have. I would.

I've pet a llama. I've pet a, what's the other one that's like a llama? An emu? Alpaca? Alpaca. Ah.

I've pet more alpacas Than llamas Yeah I went to Australia To this Preserve for Basically broken down animals And they had Kangaroos

That were just Kind of like Hopping around And I was very scared To touch one I wanted to Very badly Yeah

But I was like I remember reaching my hand And thinking I don't know what this Animal does Yeah Yeah They box Is this something That they like I wanted to very badly. Yeah. But I was like, I remember reaching my hand out and thinking, I don't know what this animal does. Yeah. Yeah. They box.

Is this something that they like? If someone comes up and like pats them or whatever? Shakes their paw. Yeah. Yeah. Throw a peanut in their coat. When in doubt, lay out. I'm just going to take a picture.

When I was in college, there was an Australian student in our, not in my dorm, my friend's dorm. And we were talking about kangaroos. He brought it up. And he said, oh, yeah, like he was talking about how you just, you know, you go hunting, you shoot a kangaroo. Wow. And he was like, yeah, of course. Just like you guys probably shoot deer all the time. I was like, no.

You probably. Just as an everyday thing. You probably have shot a few deer. Nope. I went to a place, a restaurant that had kangaroo on the menu and I couldn't do it. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Oh, really? I was curious about it, but I don't know.

I couldn't do it. Yeah. Like what's the best case scenario? It's great. Yeah. That would be the best case scenario. But then you're chasing that kangaroo. Yeah.

That kangaroo high? That kangaroo dragon. Yeah. But then the worst case scenario is you turn around and one of the kangaroos family members is there. Yeah. Or that kangaroo who lost his leg. Shit. Yeah.

And he's like, that's me. This last one Comes from Dave From Calgary What high school Did he go to? I don't know It says junior high

He teaches at a junior high As kids were coming Into my classroom At the start of the period A lot of teachers Betraying their children's confidence That's true They didn't take an oath

They did not take an oath That's right First Don't talk shit about the kids Yeah Teachers I only heard That's right. First, don't talk shit about the kids. Teachers. I only heard the last part of the somewhat heated exchange between two boys in a half annoyed, half conciliatory tone.

The one boy said to the other, OK, I won't call you Brexit anymore. That's a good insult. You're Brexit. Brexit. You know what, man? You're just like Brexit. Bunch of kids pointing fingers at the one kid. Brexit.

Brexit. Brexit. Then the get out slowly. Take your time. Then change your mind. And then just whatever. Where are we at with Brexit? It's done? They're done. They're out.

Yeah. Alright, no deal. And it's causing problems? And people are like, I voted for this, but I'm mad. Yeah. Who's going to teach me how to cross the street? Yeah. I need a bodybuilder. Remember, kids, safety first.

There's no proof that that guy sounds like that I'm sure he doesn't I know what he doesn't sound like James Earl Jones in addition to all the

numbers that are written in we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631

that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have hello dave graham spy pod family it's matt from edmonton calling and i know i haven't called in a while but that's because i've been catching up with the backlog okay spy episodes this isn't really an overheard at all so so I'm not sure it'll quantify. However, I was at the office and I was walking in with my boots and I was given the business by our receptionist when my boot literally trickled one drop of water on the floor. So on my way out, drop of water on the floor. So on my way out, I, after having received the business about taking my boots off, grabbed a snow shovel that happened to be by the door of the office,

brought in a load of snow, and as I dumped it on the floor, said, I got a delivery, where do you want me to put this? And that's today's little adventure. Hopefully that gave you guys a laugh because I thought at the very least Dave would appreciate it. Oh! Oh! You're Brexit! You're Brexit! Brexit! Brexit!

Brexit! Why would I appreciate that? I don't do that. I'm nice. This guy. I don't. He's so firmly in the wrong. Why would he do this?

Why would he leave this message? As soon as he said one trickle of water, I was like, oh, he's wrong. He's wrong. He's going to do something bad. Literally one drip. Oh, boy. Oh, my God. This receptionist who's just doing her job is reminding you, hey, we're trying to keep this area clean.

Like, did this guy actually do this? Either way, it's weird. Yeah. But he's calling and leaving this message. Did he keep his job after this? Yeah. Huh. Dumped a load of snow.

God damn. This one's for you, Dave. I know at least Dave will appreciate this. If I know anything in my heart, it's that Dave Shumka thinks this is cool. Yeah. That's me. I like getting back at receptionists.

What a psycho, Brian. Oh, boy. Anyway, thanks for calling. Maximumfund.org slash donate. Hi, David and Graham. This is Elizabeth. Maximumfund.org slash donate Hi David and and Grammond um

this is Elizabeth um what this is uh drunk dial drunk dial drunk dial

that's a theme song now I did not mean to force that on you like I seriously didn't I'm very sorry it's not a theme song you don't you I did not mean to force that on you. Like, I seriously didn't. I'm very sorry. It's not the theme song. You guys do not have to use that.

Wow. So I've had, like, a lot of rum inside of me. Like, there's, like, a lot of rum inside of my tummy. And I just had a drunk call you rather than a drunk caller ask and apologize for them, even though, like, there's nothing to apologize for.

Because I, you guys are okay, actually, and maybe they were not super respectful of my time and my energy. Okay. So, like, I'm just calling you guys, which is cool, because you guys are two funny, sexy Canadians. True. And they're not. So, like, I mean, you guys got them beat. and they're not so like i mean you guys got them beat um so i guess um time for the q a part of this segment oh good um so q a um i think both of you were smokers maybe not i don't know but what's your favorite cigarette brand mine is newports um and i love them very much they're

very sexy oh i mean like i just love them like they're very're very sexy. I mean, like, I just love them. Like, they're very good. But I'm trying to not do the cigarettes because they're very much money. They are very much money. That's the main problem. So I'm really sorry if this is a lot. But, yeah, let's see our guys' brands.

And here's an overhard. Oh, here we go. Overhard. Fuck, here's an over her. Oh, here we go. Over her. Fuck. I don't have one. Here's an overheard, but I don't have one. Yeah. Fuck.

I don't have one. Yeah. Graham, you used to smoke. Yeah. Players was my brand. Okay. I smoked. I started on camel straights.

No filter. Whoa. Really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's how into the idea of smoking Whoa, really? Yeah. Wow. Yeah. That's how into the idea of smoking I was. Yeah.

Wow. Holy cow. The farce that it was cool. And then I went to Marlboro's, Marlboro Lights, and then at the end, Dunhill Lights. Oh. Yeah. A little cardboard box. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Dunhill was a refined cigarette. Yes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, Dunhill was a refined cigarette. Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, it was all, there was players across the board, and if the players weren't available, du Maurier. Oh, la, la.

Was that Canada only? Yeah, those were both Canada brands. I was, of course, Nat Sherman. Nat Sherman's, yeah, the classy New York. The classy New York cigarette. Yeah. No, I never smoked. I remember seeing players in London.

Oh, really? Yeah, they had them there, too. Yeah. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I had a little Sailor Man on them. In London, I would also smoke Silk Cuts. Ooh.

Which I learned about from the character John Constantine. Yeah. In comic books. I tried when I was a teenager because John Lennon smoked them jetons. Oh, God damn. Those are rough stuff. It was really rough. Jetons and Galassés are like crumbled up.

It's bad news. Yeah, it was very bad news. But if you want to stop smoking, you can do what I did, which is read a book called Alan cars. The easy way to stop smoking. Yeah. I read it. I first, I bought it.

I kept it on my coffee table for a year because I was scared that it would work. And then, um, I read it and then I stopped smoking before I was finished reading the book. That's amazing. I've not had a cigarette since I've not missed it. I,

um, I'd say that's the book that comes up the most on this show. Yeah. It's good. More than the Bible. And more than the girl on the train. that's a shame. The girl on the train does come up whenever I have one of those canned gin and tonics.

What about Anna Green Gables? Uh, never read it. Mm. Yeah. Watch the TV series from the eighties, but yeah, never read it.

Not the reboot. And with an E. No. Heard it was good. Named after your sister. That's right. Here is your final overheard. Maybe this one has an actual overheard in it. Maybe. Hi, Graham and Dave, and possible

guests. This is Michael from St. John's. I was in the Shopper's Drug Mart across from an apartment I lived in eight years ago, and it was having me on fire at the time. And this guy was in front of me in line, and he was just wearing shorts and a T-shirt. And it was the coldest day of the year. And he was talking to his friend about how he just got out of his apartment in time

and jumped out of the building and out of the second-floor window, and he had no time to grab anything, and he lost all his smokes and his money and all his stuff, and he didn't even have time to grab a cigarette on the way out and ask his friend for a cigarette. Anyway, thanks. Bye. Didn't have the time to grab a cigarette. That seemed very suspicious.

I was at the Sharper's Drug Mart across the street from an apartment building I used to live in eight years ago that happened to be on fire. Yeah. Just, well, maybe it was a small town. You know, there's not a lot of locations to be at. There's not a lot of, like, something's got to be on fire. Yeah. I lost my cigarettes in that fire.

I mean, that's what the cigarettes would have wanted. It was a terrible fire. I lost everything, my cigarettes, my leftovers, my Alan Carr book

I was going to read. A box of tissues that I just bought. The bottom. Everything gone. The part of the pant that zips on to the shorts. My collection of antique wicks.

Well. Before we say goodbye to our friend Paul, let's have one more round of Max Fun Drive chit chat. Yeah. That was great chit chat. Some of the best. People can tell Paul was there the whole time because some of the things he shouted out in the middle of it. I tried to maintain a respectful silence, but sometimes I just got too excited about the chit chat. Remind me what you yelled?

I think I yelled, Super Bowl! At one point I yelled, Christmas Eve! And then the last thing I I yelled, Christmas Eve! And then the last thing I yelled was D-Batteries! So that's why you heard those. Paul, thank you so much for being our guest today.

Graham, Dave, it is always my pleasure to be here. When I come up here to Vancouver, it's like coming home. It's a treat to have you here. Thank you. Is there anything upcoming that you would like to plug? Anything you are working on?

Anything that you are excited about? People can hear my podcast with Nicole Parker called The Neighborhood Listen, where we take posts from next door and we uh uh improvise around them like we interview people as if they are people from the posts um it's a lot of fun where our second season started in march um so you can hear that now in the first season on stitcher premium uh it's all on stitcher premium find it on stitcher premium yeah um and hopefully freedom will be coming back soon. We don't have a date yet, but we're itching to get back together

and record some more. Always fun. So that's a podcast with me and Scott Ackerman, Lauren Lapkus. We're just shooting the shit. It's just fun. It's just fun stuff.

No characters, just conversation. Three friends getting to know each other. Real nice. And punishing each other if they say the same story again from a previous episode that's right that's right did any spanking ever take place every time it happened it was uh it was a false accusation oh okay not a false accusation but it was still incorrect

it was incorrect no one had repeated stories okay and so all the punishments were unearned. Okay. And you were able to take them back. No, there was no. There should be some sort of formal ceremony. There was not. Okay. There was just complaining. Yes. Also a big part of the show.

There were no reparations paid. Nope. Nope. Well, thank you all you listeners out there. Thank you for donating to the Max FundDrive, being a part of it. If you haven't donated yet, why not head over to MaximumFun.org slash donate. Yeah. This is as good a time as any.

It's easy to do, and you're helping out a great show and other great shows. Yeah. But help out with this one. The greatest show first. Yeah. Stolen Fowler. I think we could call ourselves the show first. Yeah. Stolen Fowler. I think we could call ourselves the greatest show. Yeah.

So thank you so much everybody for listening. If you like the show, why not tell some friends and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. to stop by and see yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.