Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 627 - Erica Sigurdson

Episode Date: March 23, 2020

Comedian Erica Sigurdson returns to talk Little House on the Prairie, hugging your teacher, and life in a Quizno’s town.

Hey everyone. Hello. As we mentioned last week, it's supposed to be the MaxFunDrive right now. Every year we take two weeks and we bring you the best guests, our favorite shows, and we bring them to you and ask you to support the show. But at the moment, in light of what's going on in the world, MaxFunDrive has been pushed back a few weeks. We're not sure exactly. Yeah, so in the meantime i'm going to go to south by southwest uh check out graham no no basketball games along the way oh no it's not happening i mean you know what i wouldn't mind seeing graham's one man sad road trip sad man disappointed just all the stuff's all over here we have the gates of disneyland it's all like national lampoon's vacation. Everything's closed.

Set to Holiday Road. Why would they close Wally World? I think it was for repairs? But do it in the winter. Yeah, why would it be closed in the summer? That's a very good question. Never mind. So anyway, there will be a few references to the Max Fun drive that you've heard that you'll hear in this episode.

That's because we recorded this, uh, a couple of weeks ago. Uh, but rest assured we will, there will be another time when we will come asking for money. Yes. Oh yes.

A cap in hand, uh, uh, brass in pocket. Um, and, you know, thanks everybody for listening.

And, uh, you know, uh, if you need to contact us, yeah, we're around at stop podcast everybody for listening. And, you know. If you need to contact us. Yeah, we're around. Yeah. At Stop Podcasting on Twitter.

SPY at MaximumFun.org on email. We hope you and everyone around you is well. Take care of yourselves and enjoy this episode. episode hi he's Dave Schumke and he's Graham Clark and together we hosts our podcasting yourself hello everybody and welcome to episode number 627 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. Week 2 of the MaxFunDrive. Yes, everybody go to MaximumFun.org slash join to support the show. Is anyone doing it right now? Do it! Do it! Do it! And with me as always is that man who you just heard talking mr. Dave Shumka and

I'm Graham Clark in case I didn't say that yeah yeah I got all with me is Graham Clark there we go it's so rare I get a chance to introduce that you feels very nice to be introduced Oh charmed I'm sure yes everyone two weeks of every year We devote We pull out all the stops We bring our best guests And this week's guest too I'm funny I'm just being mean I'm Razzler

We bring our best guests We pull out all the stops To have a couple special episodes That we know everyone will love In support of the show Your donations Your your support helps make this show happen. Helps? You're the main engine. Look, if you didn't support the show, we wouldn't make the show. You got that.

Our guest today, as Dave was saying, one of the all-time greats, one of the favorites here on the show, hilarious comedian Erica Sigurdsson. Hello! Max Fundrive! Let's do it! Yeah! How are you? I'm good. I have seven phones in front of me, ready to take the call! Wait, is this

not how this works? Yeah, we forgot to tell you that Erica will be manning the phones for the rest of the podcast. So, should we just have a low... I mean, we usually mute the phones. So should we just have a low... I mean, we usually mute the phones, but we should just have them ringing in the background. Yeah, the whole time.

She brought drinks for us. Yeah. She brought two beers because, hey, we're recording this at noon on a Thursday. So it's got to be five o'clock somewhere. And she said, oh, these are both from the parallel 49 universe universe uh and one is called trash panda and one is called jerk face nine thousand and she said i don't know which one of you is a trash panda which one of you is a jerk face i mean i

knew we figured it out we figured it out very quickly um and uh you brought a nice a nice dry cider yeah but a nice dry cider. Yeah. A nice left field cider company. Are we going to tell the people which one of us is a jerk? No, we'll let them figure it out. They can guess themselves? Yeah. Okay. For the low price of $10 per month.

There you go. Yeah, see? Erica knows how to expect it. Oh, that's pretty good. Do we want to get to know us? Yes. Get to know us? Yes. Get to know us. Now, you were saying you brought left field cider for yourself from the left field cider company.

In the past, you've brought that. Yes. That you had personally bottled, capped? I had when they first started. Yes, I worked like Lucille Ball style, trying to get all the bottles in the bottler. And just there was cider. I just opened my mouth. It was glorious.

Lucille Ball getting drunker and drunker. Yeah, the rum balls that she was trying to get off the assembly line. Yeah. Have you ever seen a full episode of I Love Lucy? Or do you just like everybody just know that one kind of scene? Oh, no. I used to watch it like pretty when I was little. I don't know what time it was on, but I would watch it all the time.

Yeah. Some sort of afternoon view. I would watch it too. Like in terms of the old shows. Yeah. I watched that. Gilligan's Island. I watched Gilligan's Island. Honeymooners? No. Really? Honeymooners was never on. Yeah. The watched that. Gilligan's Island. I watched Gilligan's Island.

Honeymooners? No. Really? Honeymooners was never on. Yeah. The Monkees. Yeah. The Monkees.

Get Smart. Get Smart. That might be it. But yeah, no. Oh, leave it to Beaver. Okay. If only one of those could be remade right now. Which one?

I think that I would like to see a Gilligan remake. Yeah. Yeah. That would be satisfying. We know the characters. Yeah. They work. Hey, you can always tell a guy by like whether he's a ginger or a Marianne.

No. Oh, man. Ha, ha, ha, ha. How about you? I'd like to do the Honeymooners. Yeah. Just to see how that, all that violence against women translates in 2020. I'd like them to do I Love Lucy, but with Lucy Liu.

Oh, who doesn't love Lucy Liu? Yeah, she's had quite a career, Lucy Liu. From Ally McBeal to Charlie's had quite a career, Lucy Liu. She did like... From Ally McBeal to Charlie's Angels and nothing else I can name. No, wasn't she on Sherlock Holmes? Oh, yeah, she plays Watson in the Johnny Lee Miller Sherlock Holmes. Yeah. And she was mentioned in that Outkast song.

That's right. Yeah, all the Beyonce'scés and Lucy Liu. Yeah. Good company if you can get there, you know? Boy, what if he had picked some flavor of the month? Yeah. Hey, I'll be Beyoncés and Misha Bartons. Elizabeth Hasselbeck.

Yeah, Colleen from season one of Survivor. When you were when you were a kid, did you watch a lot of TV? Were you like

allowed to just sit in front of the TV for hours and hours? Well, there must have been some time I was

because I do remember watching it. But then at some point my parents made a rule we could watch one hour a day after school. I think that was in the summertime. We then at some point my parents made a rule we could watch

one hour a day after school I think that was in the summertime we were only allowed to watch one hour a day okay so I always picked

Little House on the Prairie I feel like Elhop I feel like I've had this conversation of my love of Little House on the Prairie yes yeah

and I've did I talk about this last time I just bought them for Mala and there's some real racist stuff in there that. No.

Yeah. I mean, I imagine. Yeah. Because when were they written? They were written in the early, like, I think like 1950, but about the late 1800s. About the late 1800s, yeah. And I've been skipping over some words there. And then, Pa, anyways, let's get back to the kitchen.

Like, that's a show that I was like, I don't know what the difference between Little House on the Prairie and Swiss Family Robinson and Petticoat Junction. Oh, sure. Peter Rabbit. Well, one of them stars a rabbit. I'm looking it up. Because Michael Landon, who was the dad, right? Pa, as we know him. Charles.

He was on a show that I watched all the time called Highway to Heaven. Yeah. Oh, well, who didn't? Well, according to this, you said it was on in the 50s? No, written in the 50s. Written in the 50s. Oh, okay. It was on in the 70s and 80s.

Okay. 200 episodes plus four 50s. Oh, okay. It was on in the 70s and 80s. Okay. 200 episodes plus four specials. Ooh. Oh. Will Tim and Don get together? Just thinking that.

What and... But the American version of that thought. Yes. The, um... Uh, what was... Like, it was just about life being tough

on the prairies? Yeah. Yeah. Pretty yeah yeah much living in a little house okay so it wasn't a big house it was not a big house no and uh yeah i just remember like watching the the end credits where they're like rolling down a hill or something yeah and that because it was on before something that i would always watch. So I'd always catch that end credits thing or the last five minutes. Did it have a theme song? Yep, it did. Suicide is painless.

Do, do, do, do, do, do, do. No, that's Dallas. I think I'm doing Dallas. No, I think that... Oh, hey, come on. Hey, I lost my mic for when I said the funny line. Well, hmm.

Debbie did Dallas it's what she does what she did she just left that behind okay well fine no I think now she's doing Houston oh it's a bigger market

yeah bigger market sure you I forget where we were we were just talking about watching possibly the Dallas theme song or possibly

the Little House on the Prairie. And getting one hour of TV a day in the summer, which I remember my brothers and I tried to work around cause we had a similar rule. Yeah. Yeah. But we tried to work around by standing outside and watching TV through the window.

Classic. My parents bought a lock. You could lock your outlet. Oh, shit. They covered up the outlet. Diabolical. Electricity outlet, not cable. Yeah.

But same difference. If you can't get the TV on. Yeah. Just making a rule wasn't enough. They were like, these bastards are going to go around. They had four kids they had to police. Oh, yeah, I guess. Yeah.

There was more of them than there were, you know, hands to discipline. Yeah. And I think that lasted for a week. We found the keys and went and made copies. Kids are the worst. Kids are the worst. It's funny too, because it would dissuade a kid, but then it like activates the kid's problem solving mechanism. Yes.

And you gotta be proud of that. Yeah. They're like, okay, okay, well, we're going to figure our way around this. Where would mom and dad hide a key? Yeah. Yeah. And, uh, or we could just get an extension cord, run it from that outlet. That's true. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But then the extension cords were locked up, and it was just a real domino effect. I mean, this was, you know, 1986 or something, and the TV wasn't so big that we couldn't pick it up and there was no like converter or like right cable box or anything you just plugged it into the wall that's true you would also that cable from the the coax cable would have to stretch it was a little bit of a yeah something i remember or we could have just gone up to my parents room and watched their tv oh nice yeah that's uh i remember watch their TV. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's, uh, I remember going to like summer vacation to, uh, cabin that didn't have TV and then going into town and like going to a pizza

place and they had TV. And that was just like, I was just watching the cash register. It's just, there's movement on screen. It's a little screen of green numbers. Um, how does, uh, Mala like Little House on the Hill? Mala is your goddaughter?

My goddaughter, yeah. She really likes it. Besides the racist. She likes the racist. She likes it maybe too much. How old is she? She's seven and a half. And has she, have you?

I have to start saying half now if someone, if I say her age in front of someone and she'll go, almost eight. Like it becomes very important at some point. Like it's weird that at the age where they learn

like more complicated fractions, they don't care about that anymore. Yeah. They're not like, I'm, I'm, I'm 11. I'm just 11.

I'm just 11. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. 11 and nine twel 11. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. 11 and 9 12s. Yeah, it's funny, like, because I always wonder, like, do you have things that you enjoyed as a kid that you hope that your kids will enjoy? Probably.

But now I'm more like, ever since we got disney plus i didn't watch any disney stuff right that's right i remember you're very staunchly not watching any any cartoons any any of that kind of stuff i watched cartoons but i didn't watch any disney like i don't know any of the disney movies right any disney movies i know i know as a grown-up from watching them as a parent it's a pervert in the back of the theater yeah i'm just here to catch up on lost time i just want to see if any of those seashells uh fall off of ariel come on animators do me a solid and they did they did a few little horny bits didn't they those animators uh but they um uh no i bet like we we were like oh going through disney plus and trying to figure out well maybe margo would like

something that's not a cartoon maybe she was like the princess diaries because she loves anne hathaway oh sure yeah But no, it was very boring. We tried watching that. I mean, the 20 minutes before she's a princess, it's just so boring. Yeah. I remember like on Sunday night was Magical World of Disney. And sometimes they would show an animated film and then sometimes it was a live action one. And I was like, who's this for?

Yeah. Are they trapping their parents? Try Enchanted. I just watched that with Mala. Oh, is that, what's her face? Amy Adams. Oh, I bet that's fun. Yeah, and then we watched The Hustler. No, what's the one she's in where she's with Bradley Cooper and Hustlers? Hustlers, yeah. Because you were just like, what's next in the Amy Adams. Yeah. Margo loved arrival.

Oh, she's like a linguist and she's gonna. Yeah. The octopus. That's right. Um, and her daughter dies in the first five minutes of the movie and it's a super sad up kind of.

Oh yeah. Like, uh, yeah. Short film. Um, yeah, that up, man up man i still i watched it twice or three times i can't get through that front portion where that's the whole story of their relationship so sad so sad then then i turn it off i don't i don't want to be uplifted after that. I just want to be safe. Is Mala, like, when that kind of stuff happens, is she just like... Because Margo's very matter-of-fact about, oh, he died.

She died. This person... Oh, is he dying? Oh, he's dying. Yeah. Yeah. Like, there's no emotion attached to dying. Not really.

I don't know that I really... I don't put on a lot of the death movies. No, just the racist. Like Schindler's List, let's do that. Let's get. Just the racist prairie house. Yeah. She used to when she was like two though, she had this thing with, there's this YouTube

Twinkle Twinkle Little Star video. And when the star would start going up to heaven, she would burst into tears and sob uncontrollably about the star and then get up and run away and then come back and then it would end and she'd go again and and she would like and go through this whole emotional like she loved it and then she would burp like it was like so it was so weird to watch i was like are you a crier? Yes. Not in real life. Like people very rarely see

me cry in real life, but in a movie. What does it? Oh God. Any,

okay. The blind side when he has to put his clothes into the laundry mat, he sneaks

in washing his clothes and brings it. Nope. I can't. Because he doesn't have

anybody in his life to like do his laundry. That gets me. Air Bud. Oh, God. Yeah. I fall that Air Bud.

Mostly sports movies do it for you. Yeah. Yeah. That yard is so long. Air Bud is a dog movie. I know. Yeah, it's a dog movie first, but it definitely- Space Jam.

There's nothing in the rulebook it says it can't be a sports movie that's true of course like steel magnolias beaches all those kind of things yeah yeah yeah it's weird the the first time that you cry at a movie because you're like oh it feels like i've been manipulated here yeah like i feel like especially my emotions because i remember seeing like harry and the hendersons and just losing my mind at the end of it really yeah because he they make him go back to the woods to his like oh yeah see that kind of fit and you were like that's me he's saying that to me yeah I was just so sad. Like, my dad took me to this movie, and I was inconsolable. Just, like, just wailing about that.

I don't think I cried at any movies as a kid. Oh, man. But I love, as a grown-up, I love that I've discovered this, my weak spots. Oh, yeah? What does it for you then any kind of um like uh just like fast passage of time where you see someone getting old or like those subaru commercials where the dog starts off as a puppy and then okay yeah. I found, like, when they did that at the end of six feet under, and they showed the progression of, like, what happened,

and then kind of to everybody's death, I did find that really, like, it didn't make me cry, but I found it, like, shook me. Like, I was like, oh, God, that's good. That was private. I told you that in confidence. You bring it up during the fun drive. During the fun drive, during this, That was private. I told you that in confidence. You bring it up during the fun drive.

During the fun drive, during this holiest of months. Erica takes off her headphones and storms out. Guess who's jerk face 9000, everybody. No question. There's no question. There's no question. Ever since I said we bring out our best guests and Eric. Yeah, that's true. You started this rivalry early. Yeah, well, she brought me this jerk beer.

And I'm drunk. And I can tell you, Eric, what I really think of you. So it's been probably about a year since we last saw you. How's the year been? How are things? Oh, man. Okay. Let's start with September.

Yeah, here we go. It was a rough one. No, it's been really good. I mean, had I moved when I was here last time? No. You lived in a place full of luxury. I did. You loved your place.

I loved my place. Our rent was unbelievable. We had an unobstructed ocean view. Yeah, right. And it all came crashing down. Yeah. The owners sold it? Yeah.

Which I can't begrudge them. We lived there for 11 years and only paid $1,200 rent for a top floor. Whoa! Corner suite overlooking English Bay. Wow. That was pretty sweet. In this city. In this economy.

Yeah. And so this is the first time you've moved in forever. Yep. And how much stuff did you find that you had accumulated for 11 years? A lot. But here's the thing. I was at Just for Laughs leading up till the night before we moved. So Jay packed the entire apartment.

Oh, wow. So it like, first of all, so what he told to me every day via text was that I own too much shit. Right. It's all mine. It's all my stuff. I own too much stuff. We're really paring down. It's all my stuff. I own too much stuff. We're really paring down. Yeah.

So I don't even know how much stuff didn't make it in the move. Because you know, like you'll unpack a box like six months later and you're like, I forgot I own this. Yeah.

How many fake Christmas trees do I own? Yeah. Why have I packed them all? So the move was a nightmare. He didn't leave out any clean clothes or anything. So like I had just my stuff from just for laughs,

which by the time I got home was all dirty. And I was just like in my flying outfit moving like, it was God, I hate moving. Yeah. It's the worst. It is the worst. And did you, you only do it a couple of times a year. That's right. I've moved. You've cut down. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. I'm really settling down. It's, did you hire movers? Oh, yeah. There is no excuse for not hiring movers over the age of 33 and a half. Yeah. Yeah. 33 and a half.

That's why Jesus died. Yeah. Well, he had to carry that cross on his own back. Yeah. Pivot. Friends. With the movers, lickety split. They moved all in the same day kind of thing.

Yep. Yeah. And nothing broken? Nothing broken. Do you tip them? Yes. Yes, we tip them cash and beer. Gift cards?

Beer, no. Oh, nice. Yeah. Beer, they probably didn't expect that. No. Well, we've used, so we use these movers over the last 15 years. We've used the same movers each time. Okay.

And weirdly, one of them knows a friend of ours. So after we had moved into our last place, like two weeks later, we had people over and he came over and like all the boxes that he had, I guess it was only a week because they were still stacked up in the corner. And he was like, this, this, I just moved you guys in and we're like, oh, hey, do you mind

unpacking? Could you just move those? Those belonged in the bedroom, actually. That beer we gifted you, could you actually, this is kind of a get together. We kind of thought

you would bring it. Yeah. Jerk face. You don't carry a dolly in your car, do you? Because a couple of things I wouldn't mind moving around. How long after you moved

did it take to unpack? That was fairly quick. Yeah. Because, you moved, did it take to unpack? That was fairly quick. Yeah. Um, because you know, Jay is. We should have Jay on the show. We should. You should have Jay on the show. Um, so he had gone and measured, he had keys to the apartment while I was away and he had

measured the apartment and then had graph paper and had drawn out exactly where all the furniture would go and how it would fit. This is smart. Yeah. And so then I was like, no, I think our bed should go this way. He's like, our furniture only fits this way. And so I tried to put it my way. It didn't.

Of course it didn't. He had measured it all. Yeah, graph paper. Yeah, graph paper. Damn it, you did a puzzle. I had a dream. He had graph paper. I had a dream.

What if it goes diagonal across the room? There we go. But our apartment has mirrors on every wall. Like it's crazy. Like our bathroom wall is just a one giant mirror. Huh. Like including, no, in front of the toilet. It's just.

So we had to go. Like a real hotel kind of style. We had to go find like a perfectly, like a thin, small shelf to go. Because I'm like, this is not how I'm living my life. Yeah. What's the, why am I asking this question? What do you want to look at while you go to the bathroom? I mean.

A shelf. Yeah. I mean, for me, what I want to look at is the first five minutes of Up. I, yeah, I found, like, I was in a hotel last weekend, and it just seems to be, like, the standard of hotels is, here's what you look like doing stuff in the bathroom. Yeah. And I don't know why.

I don't know why that's the default. And why is the full-length mirror on the back of the door? This is, like, designed by, I think a man because women, I said it everybody. Because women, when you want to, you look at yourself in the full length mirror, you, you want to stand a few feet back. You're not standing right up. You want to see the shoes. Yeah. Yeah.

You don't want to have to like stand above the toilet. Yeah. Like back yourself. Yeah. So the shelf at least covers. The shelf is perfect. It's doing its job. Yeah.

Okay. When you go to a hotel. Yeah. Now you're known for your hotel hacks. Yes. That's true. You bring a Ziploc bag so you can put the. Remote.

Although I don't even use the TV really anymore. Oh, you're a Chromecaster. I'm a Chromecaster Amazon Fire Stick now, but. Okay. You will go and buy a, what was it that you went and bought and returned? It was like a. Like a portable cutting board? I remember that was something.

No, I feel like you bought a, like an Instant Pot or something. A rice cooker. No, I would never. What? Did you buy something and return something in the same city? I forget. I would never buy a food thing and return a food thing. I think that's gross.

Unless it was broken. Unless listeners can find that episode. Yeah, unless listeners, they'll be like, actually. Actually, you bought a waffle iron in Saskatoon and returned it before you left. I mean, it does sound like me. Yeah. But I am pretty non, I don't know what I would be making. Yeah.

No. I guess this was the wrong line of questioning. Yeah. Yeah. Next line of questioning. How's moving? Yeah. It's great. We still have an ocean view

everybody that's what the listeners and you're still paying 1200 a month no that changed a pretty quickly yeah and like you know good while it lasted great while it lasted yeah and um you you're you're set in this place at least for a couple of years. No, no other moves on the horizon. Well, never. Cause here's the thing. We loved our place so much and we'd actually put a lot of sweat equity into it. Right. Sweat equity.

Sweat equity. Yeah. But now, so we didn't want to leave obviously, but now like after that year's up, you kind of, you kind of were like, well, I could do whatever I want. That's true. So like, I like, I like it, but I don't, I don't love it. It still doesn't feel like home. Right. Last time you, I think it was last time you had a custom sofa that you had just gotten.

Yes, and it fits perfectly. It does. Oh, what a relief. Okay. Yes. Because it was expensive and if it didn't fit. And it was from Sofa So Good. Sofa So Good.

Yeah. Ah, dare I say, Sofa So Great. Oh. You dare. I dare. Yeah. So a local concern, Sofa So Good? Oh, yeah.

They're not a national. I don't know. Maybe they have their eyes on it. You know? You know what I think it is? I think these custom-made sofa places, they get made in Canada, but you could open your own and call it Graham Sofa, but the place that's making it, it's all the same company. Yeah, it's all in Winnipeg. Graham Sofa, so okay.

Yeah. So So Sofas by Graham. Yeah. But I'm selling the same sofas that Sofa So Good are selling. Yeah, yeah, But When you do it I spill grape juice on them Well no You're just trying to

You're finding your niche In the market That's right People who don't want Such a good sofa They just want a custom Decent sofa Yeah yeah

And you pick out Really bad upholstery for them So Yeah You know But it's like really gaudy But it feels good on your face When you're napping

Yeah Yeah yeah yeah That's what I look for in a couch yeah nappability good napping couch good great napping and you know what because it's in the corner and we have a window ledge so i can sit in the morning i sit with my coffee put on the window ledge read my book let's be honest scroll through my phone yeah and look out at the beautiful ocean. And at night I do the same with wine. That's a nice, that's a nice kind of a cap to the day. Right. Should we start a book club?

Yes. But instead of book club, we all just scroll through our phones. Yeah. Talk about things that we saw. Every month. Yeah. Did you see this meme? Yeah.

Well, and you know what? I've mostly just been getting into playing Candy crush for the first time in six years um are you an early riser yes not and i don't like that about myself how come because you're late because i love to sleep but i yeah yeah sleeping's sleeping is the best but now i would never consider myself a morning person until jay came along and then i'm like oh i guess i am a morning person because he's a real morning person no oh he's not he is not a morning oh i see every morning getting up for work is the same um it's like the same shock for him um like do you have to trick him out of bed oh this can't go on

don't say a word um no like his alarm that goes off it's like like it's the loudest, most annoying. And he will sleep like he has slept through, like he's fallen asleep with food on the stove, slept through the alarm. Like the fire alarm is going off. There's exploded hard boiled eggs on the ceiling. And he's sleeping. And I walk in and I'm like, you're probably probably gonna die when I'm on the road one day I'm like do not put food on

and even sit you need to stand over that you need to watch that water boil and it'll never happen if you're watching it's very funny to put something like eggs and then just be like I'll have a quick five minute nap

that couldn't hurt for my eight minute soft boiling are there any episodes of that sounds like the plot of Little House on the Prairie

where they watch a pot to see if it boils it just seems like such a boring time it's the cliffhanger it was a boring time except everything

around you was trying to kill you. That's true. So it was an exciting time. And your kids were complaining, like, can we go join the gold rush? Why do we have to be stuck on this prairie? Think of the big house we could have. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Were they a farming family? Yeah, they had livestock. And I don't think they farmed big fields, you know, fields of wheat or anything. Not in the, not when they've got the little house. They're about to move. Next book. Whoa. Do they hire movers?

No. They don't. Yeah. That was the, that wasn't the rule back in the day. Yeah. It was pack everything into a wagon. Where do they live? I believe right now they're in Minnesota.

Oh. And then they're going to. Does it get wintry in the winter? Oh, it does. Oh, okay. It does. Pa hangs a gun above the door. In case there's a bear?

In case there's a bear, which they're often. And also there was a panther. Oh, yeah. We had a panther. I would love to be in that writing room. It's so fun just pitching animals yeah yeah a bobcat oh yeah well they're they're off the book so that would be a really easy no they're off the book well but uh were there 200 episodes of the book

there should we join should we have a little house on the prairie book club yeah let's do it yeah yeah yeah i've already read the first book ge Had George R.R. Martin written all the books by the time they had made all the show? No, he still owes the public the ending that they wanted to that series. Now, Erica. Yes. The other line of questioning we always ask you about,

are there any Kickstarters you've supported in the last year um any weird products that you thought would change your life uh definitely i have gone through a real binge of ordering crazy not ordering anything. I still order stuff. Oh, yeah. Stop taking a chance on these weird ass products. Okay. Because they're not good.

Was there a straw that broke the camel's back in terms of products? Or was it just the move when he was like, why do we? I think it was, there's a lot to do with the move. Yeah. A lot of boxes of weird half broken electronics. Why couldn't you break the whole thing? Yeah, yeah. Just break it.

Yeah, there's kids in other parts of the world that don't have any amount of broken things. Yeah. You can't just break your own. Yeah. What kind of stuff? All electronic stuff over there? Not all electronics. Well, actually, one thing I ordered, which turned out to be fantastic, which was this ring light.

It's like a tripod and a ring light, and then it holds your phone and then there's remote control. So if you're taking pictures or little videos, then not like the stupid one that attaches to your phone, which I also ordered. It does not work. But so what I learned is if the first one doesn't work, spend more money again, but get a bigger one.

And so, but this one works. This one works. Okay. And it's, I mean, go. Try again. Yeah. But get a bigger one. And so, but this one works. This one works. Okay. And it's, I mean, go to my Instagram. Yeah. It looks gorgeous. Nice.

Absolutely. Yeah. One of the top Instagrams out there. Yeah. And it's actually. You and fuck Jerry. It's battery operated, so you can carry it with you just if you want to look good. Oh, just.

In person to everybody. Oh, nice nice with the ring light does lighting work in real life or just in pictures you've definitely seen somebody like in a in a good lighting yeah you're like yeah this this lighting really works for that person's the candlelight is very flattering is that why they do it in romantic restaurants to get people horny over their then you can't see if there's bugs on the food. Yeah, that's right. And then if there are bugs, they're like, that's escargot.

It's supposed to be there. Did you see, speaking of romantic restaurants, that the old Spaghetti Factory on a couple days ago, I think, did a promotion where, went back to their 1970 prices. Oh, yeah. And you could get a plate of pasta for $2. I did see that on Facebook.

Instead of $6. Or whatever. And there was a lineup out, like, around the block for it. Yeah. Really?

Just, I mean, boil some pasta at home. Yeah. Or go to the old spaghetti factory any other day and realize this wasn't expensive. home. Yeah, or go to the old spaghetti factory any other day and realize, this wasn't expensive.

Yeah, yeah. It's not, like, it's... I guess, check my privilege. If they still charge $2, I would be like, that's fine. That's a fine level of price for what this is. Also,

it's probably over by the time this episode's out, but Dairy Queen's doing a buy one Blizzard, get one 99 cents. Oh. Middle of winter, they've got to do it. And March. End of winter. True. Gets to celebrate their 80th anniversary.

Oh, happy 80th, Dairy Queen. I love you. You're reigning almost as long as the current Queen of England. Almost. Who's been on the throne for 87 years. Yeah. She said in an interview that she can't, when she's wearing the crown, she can't do anything but look straight forward because the crown will basically snap her neck. Yeah, but I can't do anything.

When I'm wearing the crown, I can't do anything. You can. You can game. But I'm so self-conscious. I'm wearing the crown, I can't do anything. You can. You can game. But I'm so self-conscious. I'm like, what do I do with my neck? Yeah, I don't know if that was her trying to bond with the common person. You know, when you wear a giant crown. Boy, it's tough.

Heavy is the head. So did all those gadgets, do they find their way to like a goodwill or do they just go some go to goodwill some go to no we live behind like behind it we're in an alley okay yeah um we live very close to the london drugs which that is life-changing yes they recycle a lot of like styrofoam and batteries and stuff. So that's very handy. But gosh, do I ever love living behind a Lennon Drugs. Anything you need.

Yeah. Day or night. New TV. Got it. I live pretty close to a shopper's drug mart. Not as good. Yeah. Not as, exactly.

Although, Lennon Drugs doesn't sell zest, my soap of choice. Oh, zest. Well, you're not fully clean. Unless you're zest fully clean. Unless you're zestfully clean. True. Yeah, I... What did I see at London Drugs that I was like, yes, this is exactly

why London Drugs rules. Oh, it was a bunch of beach blankets that were shaped like hamburgers and hot dogs. I was like, this rules. And also they had a table with chairs that looked like a Volkswagen bus. Oh, I saw that. Yeah, yeah.

Did consider that. Yeah. It was like, this is fun. Did you go the day after Valentine's and get any candy? I went to a Rexall. Right, you're a Rexall head. Yeah, and got a lot of, uh, uh, bad chocolate,

you know, like it's all the Valentine's day stuff is, it's bad. It's no, no good, like dark chocolate or anything. It's all just like weird. Oh,

sure. What's the best holiday for, for day after chocolate? Halloween. Uh, Halloween or Easter. If you like them, uh,

if you like them chocolate. Oh yeah. Yeah. I like the eggs. Yeah. Mini Cadbury eggs with the hard shell and then the chocolate in the middle. Yes. It's like two candies.

It's like a Smartie, actually. Yeah. What about, what's your take on a Cadbury cream egg? Yeah. It's too much. Too much. Get out of my mouth. Yeah.

And into my car. Yeah. Yeah. It's my car. Yeah. It's like, it felt like that was the only one like it. And then other brands were like, we are also going to make the cream egg. Other brands have done the mini eggs too. Yeah. I know.

Like a lot of generics. I remember when mini eggs were like seasonal. Yeah. Yeah. Those were the days. you had to wait yeah those i feel like i'm on little house on the prairie like some mini eggs above the door when are the mini eggs gonna come out oh probably for lent but i've given up chocolate for lent pa i don't know what to tell you. You know what I'm giving up? Shooting bears in the face.

Well, I mean, unless one's got it coming to them. How many animals get killed in an episode per episode? Oh, God. It's been too long. You can't find it anymore. You've got to order it off Amazon, the whole series. Oh, yeah. There's nowhere to stream it off Amazon, the whole series. Oh, yeah. There's nowhere to stream it.

Yeah. And I was going to do that. I was going to order it. And then I thought, well, this isn't a good lesson as we're reading our way through these books is to be like, you know what? Fuck it. We're just ordering this TV series. Let's get in front of a screen. Yeah.

But, you know, you get to see that Michael Landon. How boring are the books? They're good. Okay. Yeah. I read them. So after, I'm very strict. So after I've given her all the sugar that she's possibly wanted. 10 hours of television.

As much. I've taken her to Granville Island and played in that marketplace. Oh, yeah. Four hours. Let her pick garbage toys that will end up in the ocean. During her next move. Yeah. Embedded in her mother's foot.

Yeah. Oh, man. I took her to the, I think I had taken her to Playland last time because she was really good at the games and she won so much. Like I was trying to teach her how it was like a ripoff because you never win and then she like the horse racing thing she beat all the adults she won the water thing and like she i brought her home with like nine stuffies and like you know she had the tattoo anything she wants i'm just like you can have and i'm creating a monster yeah and uh her like her mom just looked at me and was like i think a kid kids need someone in their life to to spoil them yeah not their parents but yeah you

get to be the hero it's so funny too like those carnival stuffies or whatever getting them is 100 of the thrill of it yeah having it and carrying it the rest of the day. Abby once bought this dragon. Yeah. I mean, it's just like a dinosaur. Maybe it was a dinosaur. Okay. A green thing, like four feet tall, $8 at Superstore.

She was like, it was just $8. But I've been trying to throw it away for as long as margo's been alive right and it is enormous it's just like i'm going i know the one you're talking i'm going to have to cut it up piece by piece and throw it away i have a good idea so you're not the bad guy because you've got all these like sewing needles and threads so you just slowly start making him smaller and smaller and smaller over time. Like basically gaslight your children. Whoa, you're growing so fast.

So that suddenly it's just a tiny, it's in your shoe and you just walk out with it. I like, I think I like Erica's plan for dealing with this. Because those ones from the carnival, I feel like they're, whatever they're stuffed with yeah is not you shouldn't be bringing that into your house yeah it's gotta be melanin or something speaking of um like uh games and and getting tickets and stuff there's a uh an arcade on broadway now oh really like a barcade on West Broadway across from a London Drugs. Ooh. It's called Glitch. In like kits. Next to Popeye's supplements.

Well, then that is all. Now I just have to make one trip. I think we're going to go. Yeah. We should make a date. We should go to the barcade. I mean, I'll be there to get my muscle milk. Yeah, and they have like skee-ball. Oh, really?

Yeah. I love skee-ball. Oh, really? Yeah. I love skee-ball. Is that the one that goes into the little circles? Oh, that's my, like I took Mal at Granville Island, got her $20 worth of quarters. Whoa, man.

She was the richest kid on the planet. 80 quarters. She immediately got myself $20 worth of quarters because I was like, I want to play all of these games with you. And, like, she chucks the ball too hard to get it into the, and I got real serious about that game. Were there any baseball scouts there?

Like, oh, she chucks it too hard. Maybe she should. Yeah, yeah. Jerry Maguire showed up. But, like, were you any good at it? The skeeball? I'm very good at it. Whoa.

I'm $7 good at it. Nice. So you won $7? In tickets, yeah. Nice. And you could get, what with that? A little comb? A spinning top.

Yeah. Yeah. Spinning top. I can't remember what she, she always, you know what she wants is that, what's that disgusting slime? Yeah. And there's now a rule in my home and her home, no more slime. Oh, slime's out. It gets everywhere.

Like she thought it was hilarious, her and Jay, to put it all over the furniture. And that took me three hours. Well, Jay's what, nine? Yeah. Yeah. Like not the furniture but like doorknobs and stuff like that like so like erica will open the door and so it just all dried on there and oh they just let they're like yeah well erica will open the door eventually yeah and there's these like kits you can make to make your own slime it's literally glue and laundry detergent and dirt like you can throw

anything you can throw like you know glitter in it oh okay oh yeah but i shouldn't do this to wash my clothes this is this to make slime no to fight coronavirus yes ah yes yes uh this episode we're recording this on the 5th of march um in case the coronavirus has become not funny. Yeah, right. Well, you know. I mean, I think it's not funny now. No. No.

The fact that there's still people going on cruise ships is kind of funny. The fact that, yeah, that is insane. Yeah. Like, you're going to, like, even before this virus,

there were other viruses that people got Norwalk and Legionnaire's disease. Yeah. Yeah. Cruise ships are a petri disease. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a,

it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a heard it's beautiful yeah but even then that is risky business yeah yeah i i wish i could just stay on land and have an like like go to a hotel that was like yeah you can have as much seafood and you're like as much crab's legs and uh you know isn't that a buffet as you want yeah i think that's vegas isn't that vegas yeah i guess i just want to go to vegas yeah yeah well make make yourself a plan.

You know, it's not gonna, it's not gonna happen without you. Okay. And you know what? Take a day trip. See that Hoover dam. No,

you don't have to spend the whole time in Vegas. Oh boy. The one time I went to Vegas, it was just people selling, trying to sell you prostitutes. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And your hotel workers. Yeah, that's right. That's correct. Sorry correct sorry uh and uh your hotel trying to get you to go on a hoover damn tour oh really yeah huh it was like trying to get which one did you do you know what there were a lot of guys handing out the the cards for the sex workers and everyone that handed me one, I took it. Yeah.

It had quite a collection by the end. Yeah. I remember when I went to Vegas with my parents and my little brother, he collected a stack of these. Like everybody that handed was handing them out. He would go up to them and grab. So at the end of the weekend, he had trading cards. It's funny because it's so family. They say it's so family friendly, but you cannot walk 10 feet without someone handing you a naked lady on a picture.

And how bad, like it seems anytime I've been to Vegas, there are copious amounts of young women looking to party and hook up. Oh, right. I don't like, how bad are you that you can't just buy a girl a drink, see if she wants to get to know you, and go have consensual sex. Yeah. I guess it's legal there, though.

What? Buying a girl a drink and having consensual sex? I mean, I'm talking about the other thing. The oldest profession. Yes. Hoover Dam tour guide. What is sex work? So if we say sex worker, is the field sex work?

Or we don't say prostitution? No, we don't say prostitution. What would you say is legal in Nevada? Sex work. Sex work. Sex work. Sex work. Yeah. Just, I'm getting.

Or play. Yeah. You don't have, you know. Sex play is legal there. Sex play is legal most everywhere. For play, illegal in three states. That's true. Yeah.

Who sponsored that bill? Strom Thurmond. Yeah. the laziest lover in the world you know what let's get down to it right now the guy who gets he gets into politics because he doesn't want to do foreplay like spends years building up enough Steve and making friendships back from Yeah, yeah, yeah, the distinguished gentleman. Well, I'd love to, but you know

the law says. No, Erica, people tune in for your hotel hacks, your Kickstarter purchases, and your foreplay tips that's true anything new in foreplay just the tip um see what i did there yeah really good wordplay i know what is foreplay probably something to do with phones no probably play a hand in uh maybe messaging back and forth. Maybe that's where it all starts.

Oh, sure. Yeah, you got to lay the ground. I missed the setup to what you were just... What's new in 4Play? We were saying what's new in 4Play. Okay, and you said 4. Okay. Yeah.

Phones. Apps. That's probably some sort of apps. They're on phones. Yep, absolutely. Don't they have... I did see this on Amazon. I did not buy it.

It's like a vibrator that you hook up to your phone. And so you play music and it goes along with whatever. And I just thought, what? Where? Damn, girl. Do. Do host. Do host me. That would really drain the battery on the old phone.

Yeah. You know how sometimes your phone, like, you're playing songs, and then, like, my own album will come on? Oh, God. And it's, like, such a nightmare to my ears, like, to hear my own voice. Like, it would just be the worst. Or some other comedian's voice suddenly telling you some stupid joke. You know what?

I want to support my friend's album. I bought it on iTunes, but now it comes up all the time, and I got to hear Chris Locke talking about taking care of his nephew. Well, I'm trying to take care of you. Oh, boy. Should we take a brief break To talk about all things Max Fun Drive Only if it's so brief

So brief, here we go That was brief Yeah, absolutely Graham, boxers or briefs I like to split the diff Boxer brief One half is boxer One half is brief brief. Yeah, one half is. One half is brief.

Just snuggling one testicle. Snuggling it. Snuggling. Dave, what's going on with you? Well, you know I'm commando. Oh, yeah, absolutely. That's always been a part of your policy. I ruin my pants.

People are like, yeah, shirts, I wash my shirt after every time i wear it but you know pants you wear you know a few times before you have to to wash them no not if you're commando baby oh yeah halfway through the day you're switching pants um here's what's going on with me what we have here is um so i saw this thing online that some teachers are doing okay and uh my daughter margo her teacher wasn't doing it and then i saw she started doing it it's this thing where uh when you enter the classroom there's how you that you point to how you want to be greeted by your teacher. And they can point to a hug, a high five,

a... Nipple twist. A hug, a high five, a wave, a fist bump, and a handshake. Okay. And the first few times I saw Margo do it, she was like, wave. Yeah. Like, hey, what's up?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. Non-committal. That's fine. Non-committal. I've seen her also do hug and high five. Okay. But this was not a thing when I was a kid.

I mean, ever hugging a teacher ever. Yeah. It's not a well also i feel like before high-fiving and fist bumping there was no way for like a grown man and a child to touch like yeah if you're taking care of a kid and you're like all right well have a nice day you can't i feel like the big the hair tassel Hair tassel Yeah That was what guys Were allowed to Like

Do to Like hey This is affection Yeah Right Yeah yeah yeah But also you didn't get greeted By your

Like everybody just Kind of showed up in school Yeah And You walked yourself Like Parents weren't dropping Their kids off

Not many No We always walked to school. Yeah. I walked to school, too, but I don't remember. Like, I can't foresee a circumstance under which I would have hugged my teacher. No. Like, even if.

Absolutely not. You know, the teacher came in crying because you just ran over a dog. Oh, my Jesus. It was the status thing. Kindergarten grandma. You are comforting her. Yeah, I'm comforting her that's right yeah yeah divorce isn't that bad it's not your fault also your teacher just ran over a dog yeah ran

over a dog on the way to school and she's still because she she was late yeah she was late but she still showed up she's professional i've also like that was a weird thing that in high school in high school my like in college the teachers were sometimes late but in high school they just

and elementary school they just lived at the school I had a high school no junior high school teacher who was always late he was our

social studies teacher and we'd all be sitting in the classroom and he would show up and he would have an excuse. He was like, oh, the line up at the bathroom. I was like, what? The line up at the bathroom was so long because of me pooping for 25 minutes. I also had a teacher who was late and she, but she wore jump, like one piece jumpsuits.

Like she was so exotic in our high school like big hair lots of makeup and she was always late and she always told us how she dated fred penner that came into conversation way more wow for a western civilization class yeah i don't know how fred Penner keeps sneaking back in here. Just a slide on the, oh, how'd that picture get in there? For listeners who aren't Canadian, for Fred Penner, just think about Raffy and double it. Yeah, yeah. Or cut it in half. Cut it in halfy.

Yeah, Fred Penner is, he lived in a log or something? He went through a log to get to his magical place in the forest? Let me see if I can get Mrs. Anderson on the phone. Ms. actually. What was it like in that log? And it got me thinking that if you could put signs on your door or just like in social situations of how you wanted to be greeted. Oh. in social situations of how you wanted to be greeted oh like um like for me it's a lot of like uh if you see someone down like far away down a hallway or like across the street and it's

you don't know them well enough to sure to to like to be like do a little bit with them as you're walking towards each other i often have to like pretend I don't see them until the last minute. Sure. Oh, Hey. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And, uh, that'll happen a lot on like a train. You'll see somebody that you're like, well, I don't actually know this person, but I know somebody who knows. Yeah.

So what's my, what do I owe this? Do I owe them a hug? Or just even acknowledging them, or can we safely just ignore each other? Is there a thing we could point to where we could both point to just like a kind of pursed-lipped nod? Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's a good way to greet people.

Just a nod. Hello. Yeah. I always think that's weird whenever I do it, because I do it quite often. And then I walk away and I thought, what? I always think that's weird whenever I do it because I do it quite often. And then I walk away and I thought, what? How busy is my day that I couldn't just go, hey?

I couldn't verbally, you know, well, don't have time to open my mouth right now. Just trucking along. Because one word leads to then you're in a chit-chat. Then you have to learn their name. But you say it, you got to, it's like like that point of like they're right when they're even with you and they've almost passed you hey and then you just go right so fast yeah yeah yeah the best is if you see someone yeah that's more polite to run away run away hey i gotta get out of here if you see someone at a crosswalk going the opposite direction you can do like hey we yeah we i mean we can't stand in chat.

No, no. The worst is when they're like, Oh, I'll come across with you and we'll talk. Circle back. Yeah. I'll circle back. Oh,

wow. Oh no. Oh God. No, this has gone horribly awry. No. Um, yeah,

because then even with small talk, how much, like how far back or how, like how much detail do you need to. So, uh, did you hear about that friend we have in common? She ran over a dog on her way to a shop teacher. Then she got in trouble for making a little boy comforter. Graham, if you would, please come up here and hug your teacher

your hugs are the best yours are the only ones that work I'm your teacher get up here and give me a hug is this not appropriate why not so yeah that's what's going on in her class. You also were telling me before we started about, we were talking about, well, we were watching, my daughter was watching Beauty and the Beast. Yeah. And I remarked that when the beast turns into a human, he has kind of a mullet.

And you said at least he didn't have a rat tail. Yeah. And then I relayed that when I was a kid in Calgary first of all, everybody wanted a rat tail. My parents forebode it. Which is good. They made the right call.

You had mullets though. Yeah, I had a mullet. When I was grade five, probably. Now, a rat tail is just one, like, long, like, yeah, like a little. A couple thousand hairs. Yeah, I was going to say one strand, but it makes up a little tail. Yeah. And there was a roller skating rink, and the guy at the concession would give you a free soda if you had a rat tail.

Isn't that the most horrible thing you've ever heard? Yeah. And you get popcorn if you tickle him with it. He's now in jail. Like you, the fact that, I mean, it's illegal that you can,

you can charge one haircut less than other haircuts. And, you know, what's his name? Terry Gilliam? He has one. He's an adult man that has a rat tail. Isn't that weird? Isn't that weird? Yeah.

Yeah. Maybe he's got a good soda hook up yeah yeah yeah maybe you have other hair too or is it just he's he's got it like cut short and then he's got like a long rat tail oh yeah it's weird his choice erica's doing a big thumbs down and a grossed out face yeah yeah um i don't know it's a haircut you don't usually see on an adult no it's on a kid and a kid that's uh maybe the supervision is not huge priority in that family yeah or maybe the parents are just like sure yeah yeah as long as you stay in school. Yeah.

It was this or cigarettes. Now, how many haircuts? Like, how do you start? Do you start with long hair and cut everything off but the rat tail? Or is it that you just have to keep going for haircuts? Just remember, I'm growing a rat tail. Don't touch that little. Don't touch that part in the back.

I think it's that. I think it's just leaving it we are like very hands off in terms of what they want to do with their hair yeah that's why Margot has a rat tail

we're hands on in terms of like Abby will braid her hair however she wants it or do whatever right but like they'll like

oh I want to wear makeup today okay you go put some on and then we'll clean it up before you leave the house But like, they'll like, oh, I want to wear makeup today. Okay, you go put some on. And then we'll clean it up before you leave the house. That's nice. That's a good way of, you know, letting them access that. Yeah, sure. I mean, how old were you when you first makeup?

Probably. When did you join the KISS army? I don't know, like maybe 12 or 13, like on mascara. My mom worked for Estee Lauder, so she always did her makeup. So I didn't really want to, because I remember like around 10 or 11, she did my makeup once and I was just like, ooh, like it just looked so weird to me. So, I mean, I still don't wear a ton of makeup. No.

None on right now. But. Don't need it. That's what they were going to say. Yeah, exactly. You don't need it. I was going to say. Maybe she's born with it.

But I couldn't tell. I thought maybe it was just something really subtle. Yeah. Yeah. Just a slight. It's a filter. Yeah. Called my face.

Oh, she's holding up one of those ring lights. That's what it is. Yeah, that's what it is. That lighting's really good. Yeah. It is a weird, it must be a weird transition to be like, all right, now I'm putting on makeup every day. I guess when you like boys.

Right. But like, boys don't have equivalent, they wear too much cologne. That's what they do. And they grow a rat tail. They grow a rat tail. That's right. I did see the only, I think, humorous COVID-19 tweet was somebody tweeted, I think my Uber driver has Kelowna virus. Yeah.

And I laughed. Then I told Jay and he just, he thought I meant Kelowna like the city. The city, yeah. And he looked at me like, I was like, I guess it's more one of those reading jokes. No, I have seen funny tweets about it. There's no denying it. We're all in it together. Yeah.

Everybody, wash your hands. Happy birthday twice. That's what you're supposed to do. Which no one does by the way I was in Costco washing my hands quite thoroughly

yeah and watched a few quickies happening to my right I yeah I've seen also

you gotta dry those hands that's part of the whole transaction you can't just wet and walk yeah you need to also dry. I've got three.

And you dry like this, like a surgeon, like just hold them up. Yes. Yeah, yeah. Absolutely. That lets everybody know. Very important person coming through. I've got two kids. So am I supposed to wipe my hands after every butt I wipe?

I mean, short answer, yes. Long answer, yes. What if I get like a conveyor belt thing going? Like an I Love Lucy style? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay. I'm just wiping butts and washing hands. What age does that stop at?

Wiping butts? Yeah. I don't know. That is like I don't remember as a child, like, ever doing what kids do now, which is call your parents and stick your butt in the air. And, like, it's so weird as someone who doesn't have kids and, like, somebody's like, can you come wipe my bum? And I'm like, what?

When did? And it's like a, like, kids think it's like a privilege. Like when Mal was smaller, like she's now grown up to do her own business. Yeah. But she'd be like, her mom would go, I'll be right there. And she's like, I want Erica to do it. Like, I'm like, ooh, la la. Excuse me.

Oh, it's a privilege for you. Yeah. With a wiper. Yeah. Like it's a big treat. Wait till I tell my friends. Guess what I got to do today. It's got to end soon.

Yeah. It simply must. Well, no one's doing it for school. No. Well, that's not one of the ones. That's not one of the symbols. You know what? Wipe my ass.

But if she's anything like me, you never go at school. Oh, okay. Yeah. She probably is. I'm just going to give myself a little bit of insulin here, guys. Oh, yeah. This is for this new app you have. Yeah.

Now, we're done talking about me. Yeah. Let's talk about you. Well, speaking of, we're done talking about me. Yeah. Let's talk about you. Well, speaking of the Kelowna virus, I went to Kelowna this weekend. Oh. Yeah. City. Do you feel it?

No, I guess it's doing it. Anyways, it's doing it for me. Eric is one of the funniest type 1 diabetics. Yeah. One of. Yeah. No,abetics. Yeah. One of. Yeah. No, you probably. George Canyon's pretty humorous.

Yeah, George Canyon is funny. He does that whole thing. I'm a Canyon in a Canyon, that routine. Yeah. Would you do a tour of just type 1 diabetics on a comedy tour? If the money was right, I sure would. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they had a lot of juice boxes.

You got to put it in your rider. I went to Kelowna. Haven't been there in a long time. What's a long time? 18 months? Yeah, 18 months. I think it was past guest Katie Allen Humphreys described Kelowna as a city as designed by the band Blink-182. Yes.

And that's very, that's true. It's on a lake. It's on a lake. A lot of, it's a lot of like retirees and a lot of- Blink-182 loves retirees. They love, well, yeah. What's my age again?

65. And here's my quick recap of all things Kelowna. First of all, Quiznos City. Yes. Big Quiznos City. It is a Quiznos town. Everywhere you expect to see a subway, there's a Quiznos. And you know what?

I made full use of that being a Quiznos town. I went, I had multiple Quiznos sandwiches. What do they have? What do you like? Just I get the veggie guacamole. Nice. Yeah. Pretty good. And you know, it's nice. Their toaster's nice. Do they, does Subway have

multiple veggie options or is it just a veggie delight? They, now they have. Beyond? Yeah, they have beyond. What about Quiznos? No, just vegetables. They have one vegetarian thing. What can they, they have Beyond. What about Quiznos? No, just vegetables. They have one vegetarian thing. What can they, you could dress it up as like a veggie pizza.

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. But if I'm getting pizza, am I going to get a pizza from Quiznos? That's true. And so I visited Quiznos multiple times. Also, I forgot that hotels in towns like Kelowna are mostly the domain of kids that are on a hockey tournament. Yeah. You love it.

So I was like, the first day when I checked in, they're like, oh, there's a pool and a water slide. And I was like, why do you say water slide for me? They're just on autopilot. Yeah. Saying water slide, water slide. There's a pool and a water slide. And I was like, why do you, why do you say water slide for me? They're just on autopilot. Yeah. Saying water slide. There's a pool and a water slide. You can,

there's a room where you can sharpen your skates. Please don't masturbate into the hand towels. Well, I'm staying here. I can do whatever I want. What are the, there's not cameras in the rooms that stop me. I'm not staying at a hotel sliver.

Do you ever hear about, there was a documentary about a guy that, like, ran a motel and the whole place was rigged with cameras and microphones. But he had two-way mirrors in all the bathrooms. Yeah, he, like, yeah, he designed this motel to be, and he recorded all this stuff. And somebody found out just by accident, like they heard something in the wall or whatever. Yeah. It's him changing the beta match. Got a top loader. Yeah. Oh, no.

The tape got caught. loader yeah oh no the tape got caught um uh what else what else did i learn in kelowna are you worried that someone videotaped you no i i'm proud of what i did yeah yeah i'm a i'm a shower yeah i like to uh i like to do a full range of activities. And so if anybody's watching, it's for them to enjoy. I'm at that point now where I'm like, if anyone sees me, well, that's up to them. Knock yourself out. Well, I wear my sleeping mask at all times in my hotel room, so I'm blurring out my own face. Oh, that's smart. That's a smart way to do it.

That's one of those hotel hacks. Hotel hack. Yeah, always wear got a lot of bruises though you really when you don't know a room you bump into things a lot

I watched the end of the TV series Love is Blind oh yeah you had seen every episode yep and have you heard of the show

I fast forwarded it to the final episode so quickly yeah like I watched the first episode started the final episode so quickly yeah like I watched the first episode started the second realized life was short

and then it was the day the final episode came on so I was like well I'm just gonna zip right to the end yeah yeah saw what happened

and then moved on with my life yeah that's how I felt it was like the second it was over I was like thank god

thank god it's out of my life is there anything to spoil? Yeah. Okay, we're going to spoil it. Your life by watching it. But the setup, which we talked about a couple weeks ago, these people meet without seeing each other. Yeah.

And they only are allowed to see each other if they've decided to get engaged. Right. And so then this goes on. They go to a resort. The criticism I've heard of this show is that all the people are good looking. All the people are good looking. Why not? There's no whammies.

If it's going to be you can't see the person, let's just pick normals. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There would have been, if there had been a range of people, it would have been a more interesting thing. Although that's, like, yes, because I had that argument too. But I think you got to have, like, Love is Blind, The Sevens. Because you can't have someone...

Like 20 seasons in, it's like The Sevens versus Sixes. Yeah, because that is... What if you had someone who was devastatingly gorgeous? Yeah. Right? I'm sorry. I don't care how much you talked through that wall. If you were a shallow, like if you're that pretty, not saying all pretty people are that, but you know what I mean?

And then the look on the other person's face. Because you walk through a door and that's the show that's what you want to see that's what i'm tuning in for yeah to see that like trying to mask their discipline but like i think if you're just talking through the wall i think you can tell if someone's ugly or like you can you there's like little pointers of like uh my claw what did you say i just got back from the groomers. Do you mean the hair salon? Oh, yeah.

Yeah, they shaved my butthole. Yeah, so anyways, they go to like a fucking wedding, and that's when they decide whether they're going to get married or not. And some of them do, some of them don't. Or nobody. Come on, guys, don't get married. Yeah, I'm very interested to find out how, like, that road tested marriages. I just read an article yesterday about that couple.

The one that got married? Yeah. Yeah. You read this on your phone while you're drinking wine? Yes, I did. Yeah. Looking out at the beautiful seas. Nice.

And, yeah, they've been together now for, like, a year and a half. Oh, really? Yeah. Oh, yeah, I guess because, yeah. The one, anyways, we'll talk about this. We won't spoil it completely for everybody. Yeah. But like some people get married, some people don't.

And then that's it. Then that's the show. And then you just go on. But that one girl had quite the drinking problem. And that's saying a lot coming from me. She did. She had. Like that one girl who just, she would drink so much wine.

Because they try to get everybody like as as possible you can't be sober on TV no and by the end of the

like I was just looking at the guy like you're still pursuing this like is this the woman you want

I don't care what she said during the wall this woman is almost in need of a serious intervention. Yeah, that's the reality show chain of events is you're on the one show,

and then they're like, you know what you'd be good for? Intervention. Yeah. Actually, do you hoard anything? Hold these newspapers. Let's see how that looks. You've got a pretty, drinking's a pretty regular addiction.

You got any strange addictions? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you like eating memory foam or keyboard cleaner? Yeah. So, and then, oh, yeah, I took the bus. I took the bus to Kelowna. Oh, what a, what a, what a, what a way to travel.

It's, it's, uh, like aside from the 10 minute break at the one gas station, it's just like, just like driving there. Uh, same amount of time.

74 hour strangers. Yeah, yeah, yeah, absolutely. But you know what? Uh, if,

if I scowl enough, nobody wants to sit next to me. And so I got to seat to myself. That should be a thing on the bus where you just tap a thing. Or like, no, no, sit next to me. Yeah, I know. Yes, hugs, no sit next to me. How I would like to be greeted.

Not at all by you sitting next to me. Yeah. All by you sitting next to me. Yeah, but the bus to Kelowna drops you off at the airport. Oh, what a burn. Yeah, how the other half lives. So all of a sudden you're just surrounded by people who are carrying skis and you're like, oh, what? So, yeah, that was my trip to Kelowna. I think that the skis would travel better on a bus Yeah, but you don't have skiing on it

No, you don't You're on the bus Who are you fooling? You're just traveling with skis for looks Yeah, so Kelowna, Quiznos country Yeah Love is blind Does not

It never pays off Yes And Nick Lachey shows up three times in the whole series. And for what reason? He shot those three appearances probably in one afternoon. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. Right?

Yeah. And there was no added benefit. Like, nobody's going to watch this unless Nick Lachey. Nobody gives a flying fuck about Nick Lachey. It's Netflix. We'll watch whatever you show us. Whatever you advertise, we will watch. Yes.

The Witcher Live. The Witcher After Show. Stop subscribing to Netflix. Start supporting this podcast. Speaking of which, take a little break. Yeah, before we move on to Overheard, let's take a little break. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard's segment in which we hear things out there in the world,

and then we report them here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest. Erica, would you lead the way? I'll lead the way. I have an overheard and an overseen let's go with the overheard first okay yes um so i was walking down denman street near where i live and shout out to demonstrate and uh there is this group there's a high school nearby so there's this group of teenage boys. Woo! And woo! Yeah. And I asked them how they wanted to be greeted. Woo with us.

They said booby grab. And you grabbed all of their boobies. I grabbed all their boobies. So, anyways, so the one kid's talking and he's like, I came up with a million dollar idea. And so, of course, I lean in. Yeah, yeah. Because I want to fund his Kickstarter. Yeah, this might be the next ring light.

Yeah. And then he goes, nobody's ever thought of it before. A powdered mustard. It has got it right. That's why I want to make you an offer. Yeah. It's like astronauts will be able to have mustard on their space dogs. Yeah.

Wow. will be able to have mustard on their space bagels. Yeah. Wow. I mean, it's not the worst idea. I mean, is mustard powder the same? Yes. You there. That thing in the spice section? Yeah.

Well, teens are figuring it out for themselves. But that mustard powder you get in the spice section, it's not just add water and it turns into mustard, is it? Well, but that's... I don't know. Hands of... That's like we used to make hot mustard at home from that. That's what it was.

You added water to it yourself. Huh. Huh. And... I guess I'm not really a mustard scientist. No. No. No.

But sounds fun. It was my minor in college. Make your own mustard kit. It's fun. Make your own ketchup kit. It's just a tomato. There you go. Oh, great.

Come on. And a mallet. Mustard is... Mustard. Seed. Seed. Vinegar and water. Yeah.

Sometimes I think maybe just mustard, seed, and water. Maybe not even vinegar in there. Why don't you just eat the seeds then? Hmm. Yeah. Man. Cut out the middle, man. Cut out French's. But ketchup needs like molasses? Or sugar? Needs lots of sugar.

Yeah. There's no tomato that tastes like that. No. Now you had an overseen as well? Yeah, do you want to do the loop yeah if you suggest the loop we'll do the loop yeah yeah mine is uh i was dropping poppy off at her swim class and um just outside the pool we were sitting we were early so we were sitting outside the pool and i overheard this guy in his 50s yeah from the nature of this overheard maybe 60s okay uh looks good young for his age though no oh okay um and uh he was on the phone

and he's saying i've been dealing with photocopiers for 35 years i know how to jam one. He's the guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The tech support. Tech support is on the phone with him like, okay, could you jam this? Let me show you how to jam the photocopier. So you don't have to use paper. You can use anything you find around the office. Yeah, jam.

Did you take staples out of the paper? That'll jam it. I know how to jam it. Don't worry, I'll do it. I've been jamming these since you were in your mummy's teat. Your dad was webbing your ass. That was last year. And he was his privilege.

Yeah, exactly. I know it's your birthday, Dad, so. Yuck. Oh, exactly. I know it's your birthday, Dad, so. Yuck. Oh, boy. What's yours? Mine is courtesy of the free breakfast at the hotel in Kelowna. Oh, boy. All kids.

All kids there and me because it was like. Waterslide and breakfast. Yeah, waterslide and breakfast. And there was a pancake making machine. Really? Yeah, that like you just pressed a button and it did everything in the box and then pancakes. Was that Holiday Inn Express? This was called the Kanata Inn.

Oh. Yeah. Um, and so the kid in front of me was like, because there's nothing to watch. There's just like a little green display that shows where the pancake is. Sure. Along the conveyor belt. Uh-huh. That's pretty.

It was pretty good. And the pancake came out, and then the kid just walked away from it, and his mom was like, are you taking the pancake? He's like, no, I just wanted to see it. Oh. I've been there. Yeah. Yeah, like I just wanted

the rush I don't I don't want the actual pink do they flip it does it flip it or is it no I think it's

probably toasting it Quizno style on both sides no I don't look I don't I'm not you know

gagging for a for a for a pancake yeah but I feel like it needs to be flipped um no that would jam it yes oh boy yeah no I think you just need a guy For a pancake. Yeah. But I feel like it needs to be flipped. No, that would jam it.

Yes, oh boy. No, I think you just need a guy. You just go to a guy. Go to a pancake maker. Yeah. A lumberjack or somebody like that. Yeah. You're not getting that kind of pancake for free. No, that's true.

Not a canada in. But they'll do a chafing dish. I've seen them in buffets. Chafing dish filled with pancakes. Nobody likes an old chafed pancake. Oh, yeah, and they are sweaty. Yeah. Old sweaty pancakes.

Yeah, I remember it was part of the Wu-Tang Clan. Pretty good. Did you have another? I do. So, this is only funny because I like slapstick. And because of the circumstances in which it happened because I have like, I listened to a lot of murder podcasts, love them. And so now whenever I'm walking at night or walking in a, I kind of walk with, I usually

have a little finger gun. Yeah. I pretend I'm a cop. So I'm watching just because you're more aware if you've got a finger gun. Yeah. So I'm walking down to the Sylvia to meet Jay. And I get to the corner of Davy and Demmon. And this guy starts crossing the street towards me.

And he's just got this swagger about him. And I'm like looking at him. So I'm like, where are his hands? What's going on? Totally thinking he's going to murder me. And then he gets about two feet from me and gets this is not funny he gets hit by a car it is surprising though this is not funny yeah like and i screamed because like i was watching him so intently like he was probably like what is this psycho like he's not watching

me because i'm staring at him yeah and this car just came out of nowhere what is it so he was two feet from you but you were safe i was on the curb yeah yeah and it was a new drive it was a it was a whole thing oh boy oh man he He ended up walking away from it. Okay, good. And then ironically mugged me. Yeah, mugged and murdered me. Lived away. Yeah. It was a moment. Wow.

Yeah. Hmm. The prey becomes the predator. The witness. What murder podcasts do you like? My favorite is My Favorite Murder. Okay. I mean, it would be weird to have a different one i also listen to all killer no phila which is out of the uk now these are

these are just like every week a different murder yeah it's not you know what about the ones that follow a case that um i like that um teacher's pet was a good one that was a very long it was too long it but then who the Hell is Hamish? Not murder, but murder of people's dreams. Am I right? And, but if I listen to one that's not a comedy one, like people have to kind of lighten, like I tried to listen to a real serious, just about, and I was like, this is terrible. Yeah. You can get a couple of jokes in there.

Yeah. It's fine. Blame the mood. Yeah. Yeah. That's what Lenny Briscoe was so good at doing. Yeah. Just the quick one-liner at the crime scene.

Yeah. Go to commercial. Yeah. Now we also have overheards sent in from people all over the place. If you want to send one in, you can send it into spy at maximumfund.org. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org. This first one comes from Daniel from Cape Town. Yeah.

This is overheard. This is the cleverest girl at school, Sandy. What? Who always got straight A's. Once said to us while playing cards, guys, you aren't shuffling them. You're just changing the order. Oh, boy. Yeah. That's how she sees the world. Guys, you aren't shuffling them. You're just changing the order. Oh, boy. Yeah.

That's how she sees the world. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sandy's a genius. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Mm. You were saying earlier that you just learned how to shuffle cards. Yeah, I said that in one of the pledge breaks, either in this episode or last episode.

And how did you learn? YouTube tutorial? No, I didn't. I didn't learn. I just was like, when I was a kid, I just wasn't coordinated enough to do the... Yeah. Just where you have the corners fold in over each other. Yeah, yeah. And then I didn't play cards for 20 years and I just started up again.

And now I can do it. I can't do the thing where you then like. Oh yeah. They go. Yeah. The inverse. What would that, the inverse changing of order. It makes it into like a little bridge.

Yeah. Oh, that. Yeah. That's advanced. Yeah. That's magician stuff. Yeah. Yeah.

But you know what? Practice, practice. Yeah. This next one comes from David from Tennessee. My seven-year-old was playing youth basketball. That's a good suit for him, I think. Yeah. Did he think that we would think he was playing in the NBA?

My seven-year-old was playing basketball. Wait a second. My seven-year-old was getting his ass kicked by the Harlem Globetrotters. I was enjoying the game when a lady comes up and sits next to me on my left. You could tell she had just gotten off the phone. As she sits, the woman turns to the person she was with

and says, that horse I've been wanting to die is finally dying. It's finally dying. Yeah, yeah. It's finally dying yeah yeah it's happening it's finally dead but you know that horse yeah it's been stealing all my oats it's broken three legs one more to go oh my gosh yeah yeah very unexpected oh boy yeah i just got off the phone with that horse sounds like it's on its last legs literally

and this last one comes from sean m sean mendes yep oh boy i hope he and camilla cabello are still together all throughout december a nearby park had signs advertising a christmas tree drop-off area however a few days before new year's those signs all disappeared which i guess meant the program was canceled however people still dropped off their trees and now it's the end of february and there's like a hundred dried out trees scattered around the park i was walking by and some 10 to 12 year old kids were playing in a huge pile of trees one could kids stood on a very scraggly looking tree uh stood one up and said to his friends uh look i'm hobo santa claus yeah yeah kids know how to have fun

it said it was they were advertising that you can drive your trees off here after Christmas yeah or not before no but then the sign disappeared and the trees remained

that is that's like a you know that's a big fire hazard oh yeah it's a great prank to play on your neighbor yeah

that's true yeah also yeah put up a sign Christmas tree yeah and styrofoam recycling. I hope you're enjoying your trip to Mexico. Guess what waits for you when you get back?

That's a lawn full of dead Christmas trees. For any numbers that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. And away we go.

Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Derek from Nashville checking in from Huntsville, Alabama, at the United States Space and Rocket Center. Whoa. Where I just saw a really big Chinook helicopter and there's like a 10-year-old kid with his dad and the dad said, what do you think of this one?

And the kid said, oh yeah, it's lit, it's huge. And the dad under his breath went, yeah, it's lit. Yeah, I guess it's pretty lit. This one slaps. Yeah, exactly. Kids, we're going to learn about spaceships today.

What slaps, what's lit. Yeah, this one's on fleek. And this one will slide into your DMs. Okay. That's how I like being greeted by the teacher. In my DMs. Okay. That's how I like being greeted by the teacher. In my DMs? There's your next phone call.

Hi, Dave and Graham and possible guest. This is Lorraine from Chicago and I'm calling with an over-third. I was walking down the street and I saw a guy bending down to pet a dog, talking to this woman and he stands up as I'm walking by and he goes, alright, well great, it was really great to see you.

And he opens his arms and steps towards her for a hug and she just stands there and goes, no hug. Okay, no hug. Bye. Fair. I guess that's how you want to be greeted. Yeah. No hug.

And you know what? Next time, ask to pet my dog. I guess that's how you want to be greeted. Yeah. No, we're not. No hug. No hug. And you know what? Next time, ask to pet my dog. Yeah. Yeah. Can you un-pet my dog? Can you un-break my heart? Un-pet my dog.

Says tail won't wag no more. Don't feed him treats that you like. And sniffs on your butt and then talk yes sirree final overheard hey dave graham an awesome guest this is jr from the philadelphia area i was walking into our local convenience store called wawa when i strolled past a group of teenagers that were hanging out front and talking i over i overheard the one teen say, yeah, I heard she's pregnant and she's having twins. Then teen two replied,

well, if she's having twins, that means she's going to be pregnant for 18 months. Wow, that really sucks. Just the laws of biology. It does suck. Yeah, double the people, double the wait time.

So there. I'm like, which one gets out nine months? Whoever's got it. First. Whoever rings the bell. Yeah, the other one is still growing. The other one starts from zero. That octomom would still be pregnant.

Yes. Did you see the update on the octomom a few months ago? She's doing well. She's doing great. Yeah. Is she? And the kids are all great and happy. pregnant. Yes. Did you see the update on the Octomom a few months ago? She's doing well. She's doing great. Yeah. Is she? And the kids are all great and happy. Yeah.

Wow. At least for one photo shoot. Yeah. Yeah. But she's not in the reality TV thing anymore. She's just like a mom. She's just like, mom to eight, 10? 14, I think, right?

Yeah. Because she had seven. That had seven right this was in our city news list days that came yeah yeah and then she had plastic surgery to look like angelina jolie yeah i mean that's what they said i mean if it turns out that way i think she had had it before oh i see but like when i don't know if you necessarily like she wasn't like i want to look exactly like her like she didn't go to the plastic surgeon and give her like a magazine do this no but like i think you do do that you're like i want lips like this or whatever you're but you're or maybe you do i don't know but i think it's maybe something that got blown out

of proportion that like she said to her plastic surgeon I want lips like this she wants to look exactly like like me going in with that going in to get my hair cut he wants to look exactly like Jonathan Taylor Thomas laughter laughter

well that brings us to the end of this here episode well before we go to the end let's check in with one more update on the Max Fund Drive. All right. Thanks, ZipRecruiter. Yeah, thanks, everybody, for listening and for donating and being a part of the Max Fund Drive. Erica, thank you so much for being here. Thank you for having me.

It's always such a highlight of my day, my week. Not just the day. Great. I'll accept. Do you have gigs coming up that you would like to plug? I will be on the Snowdin Comedy Tour, which is heading to the east coast of Canada in April. Nice. We are doing Charlottetown.

We are doing other towns that aren't named Charlottetown. Yeah. Truro, I believe. Whoa. Yeah, a bunch of places. Moncton. Okay, yeah. Come out and see me shine.

Yeah, this is now, used to just be in the mountains, just where you would ski, and now it's like a cross-nation tour. It keeps going, yet the snow has stopped yeah well it surfs up comedy yeah so yeah yeah um well thank you so much for being our guest uh you're welcome thank you listeners did you know that do you remember when much music would do their um snow job yeah uh which was the they would you know at the Yeah. Which was they would you know at the base of a mountain they would have

Our Lady Peace play. Yeah, yeah. And they did a beach one. They did a beach one called Sand Job. Yeah. At the time I didn't realize

these were puns on Blowjob and Handjob. Yeah. But now you do. Now I do and I love it. Yeah. Thank you everybody

for listening for donating and being part of the MaxFun family. If you like this show, why not tell your friends? Come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.