Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 633 - Abby Shumka

Episode Date: May 5, 2020

Abby Shumka (Dave’s wife, her own person) returns to talk homeschooling, haircuts, and buying a printer. Also, we watch Joy as part of the Bradley Cooper Movie Club.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 633 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me in the safety of his own home is Mr. Dave Shumka. I mean, what is safe? Is any of us truly safe or is it all just an illusion? Something we tell ourselves so we can sleep at night, man. Yeah, yeah yeah yeah um also

you know uh a house with a panic room is pretty safe you guys you guys have a panic room right we have um no uh i guess we don't uh what do we have it's our bedroom locks oh yeah it's like the only room in the whole house that has a lock that's good yeah yeah yeah i mean our bathrooms lock our bathroom doesn't lock oh that's true but our bedroom oh shit guys don't tell them burglars are gonna come in oh if they steal your q-tips get into the vlogging bedroom then they can deserve it they can get into anything they can take yeah if they've cracked the security, then absolutely. Your parents' house in Switzerland used to have a bomb shelter.

Every house in Switzerland has a bomb shelter. That voice you're hearing, who's an expert on Switzerland, and our first guest in these remote episodes, it's Abby Shumka. Here by pure convenience. We love having you on the show. This has just worked out so nicely. It did. Yeah, it's kismet, as they say. From a technical standpoint, it's a dream because Abby's, you know,

we don't need a third connection. But it's also just like, personally, this is a weird neck setup for me. Oh, sure. Dave's looking left and right. Between computer screen and real human. And real human screen. Right. The amount of screen time we're getting lately.

I'm turning in with screen every night. Yeah, all right. How about ding, ding? Oh, do you guys want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Graham, do you have want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us. Graham, do you have a panic room? Yes.

Oh, okay. Of course. Yes. I saw the movie Panic Room and I said, I love everything about that panic room. Give me one of those. It's on one of the streaming services. I remember liking it me too

a bit yeah but it wasn't as good it was David Fincher and it wasn't as good as Seven or Fight Club and somebody had terrible hair

was it Jared Leto somebody had some terrible yeah that's right it was like a bad hair choice or Jared Leto

is one of the grill or something or yeah there's three or four yeah Forrest Whitaker Forrest Whitaker is like in my life on such a hot streak of being a guy that i'm like huh he's in this yeah yeah yeah but it's been like 30 years yeah yeah exactly every other movie i look up forest whitaker

he somehow snuck in there uh dwight yokham oh yeah He's in there and he makes a movie every decade and he's always a great bad guy. Yeah. Yeah, he plays the doctor in Crank. Yes. Oh, yes, he does. How could I forget about Crank? Abby. Yes.

How's it going? We're alive and we still love each other. That's all you need. He wins in my book uh tell it tell us about your your side of the equation and your what your experience has been like lo these many weeks you know what it's been a year or so since you were last on that's true take us all the way back to a year oh i don't know it's really not that exciting i don't know. It's really not that exciting. I don't know. Well, pick a point. How about we enter in media's res at the most exciting point?

When I'm locked in my house with my small children for days and days on end. I got in the car the other day and I realized I hadn't been in a car or outside of a four block radius of my house in over two weeks. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. How does this work? Where do I go? Yeah. What side's my side of the car like i could not remember and like i i really relate to the four block thing because i've just realized the other day that i haven't been downtown yeah all this time like

downtown could be completely leveled i'd have no idea no clue yeah who knows what's going on yeah in more of like a two kilometer radius of my home i went downtown yesterday uh what yeah breaker well because i took the kids to uh just for a walk in the forest six feet away from everyone trees aren't people uh according to you and then we went to, then I had to, I had ordered, I had a very hard time tracking down some chipotle peppers at any grocery store. And then I found a specialty store in town that sells them online and you can just go for curbside pickups. But you had to go through downtown to get there. Sure. Downtown, great. side pickups but you had to go through downtown to get there sure downtown uh great i heard uh

all the places on uh robson street are all boarded up because of uh looters i believe it yeah property crime and commercial theft or is up like three thousand percent or something like ridiculous uh there was a guy i feel bad for the guy but he was on the news last night and his shop has been broken into three different times and i'm like oh you should you should do something yeah like if it keeps some different putting nice things in the window i always think it was like a clothing gold gold bullion yeah gold bullion yeah uncut gems you know pinky rings yeah hair cutting supplies yeah i cut dave's hair it looks good yeah that was a very short the highlight of the week oh sorry did i step on your story no i've got we're spending all this time

together we don't have our own stories anymore that's right um now when you did the haircut uh was this towel do you put a towel around the neck we went outside yeah we did it outside so oh yes no sweeping well we swept yeah this was on the deck yeah we we swept as much as we could but you know no harm no foul it's nature's way we'll leave it for the birds yeah can you put hair in the in your compost compost i mean i i exclusively put hair in the compost so i've been doing it for years you don't know one's caught me You didn't even put food in there. No, no, no. I only know it as

things from your body. Fingernails and hair and such. And such. Had you ever given a haircut before? I think I cut someone's bangs. I've cut a kid's bangs before with various levels of success. Yeah, I'm better at that

than you are. You are? Okay, sure, fine. What's the... You've also not been great at it. What's the thing they say about bangs? Are you supposed to cut them vertically? Yes, you snip into them, not parallel,

not perpendicular to them. I always just... That's what I do with Dave. I hold up... There's a lot of vertical snipping. I hold... When I cut the girls' bangs, I hold up a lot of vertical snipping. I hold, I cut the girl's bangs. I hold a picture of Polly Perrette from NCIS.

And your little baby bangs. The sassy goth with the baby bangs. Yeah. And I say, this is what you want, right? Biff naked, right?

The biff naked. I give them the biff naked. Dave, so you both cut, you both cut hair as needed with the kids yeah but the kids kids are just yeah literally a it's like 10 seconds a year yeah 10 seconds yeah yeah but uh abby did mine with i i don't have proper clippers i have a beard trimmer and i was like same same diff it's fine yeah it's same mechanics but it took a lot longer it did and i had to do a lot of pre-cutting before we got to the clippers and i think the clippers were too

short this is the shortest haircut you've had in a very long time it's great i love the two things that dave said to me as i'm cutting his hair is don't worry i have a lot of hats and i'm also not afraid to just buzz the whole thing oh really that made me feel better so i'm like if this is an epic fuck up then we'll be fine how come there's no barber shop and hat stores that seems like a perfect on your way out yeah yeah oh i nicked you a little bit in the back maybe you should try on this hat let me me try one of those little French legion hats with the little cap. Cat stores really just do not have those hats. It hides a multitude of sins. You'd think more people would wear them.

Oh, man. I have like a little flat cap that my dad used to wear skiing. Oh, you do? It has little ear flaps. It has ear flaps that fall down. Is it corduroy maybe? It has little ear flaps. It has ear flaps that fall down. It's a corduroy, maybe? It's wonderful, yeah. It looks great.

You'd wear it snowboarding. I could wear a, hmm. Come to think of it, I could make a little outfit out of it. Make a little outfit. I have blue corduroy coat, blue corduroy pants, and a blue corduroy hat. I could be a little... A little blue corduroy boy. Yeah yeah just a little velvety boy yeah yeah you'd hear you coming from a mile away yeah um so dave got to go downtown that's a yeah that's a big extravagance

i'll tell you what yeah um uh abby you were going into the car what were you going to do mcdonald's yeah mcdonald's drive-thru um and then we went to the beach which was really nice and it was really empty because we we told the kids that okay we're gonna try but if it's too busy we're not gonna stop and it wasn't thankfully and we stayed like an hour and then went home they threw some sand around and cried and went home. Yeah. What's the, what,

what happens at the beach when it's not beach weather? You just pick up rocks. Yeah. There were, well, there were a bucket and make a sandcastle stones and stuff and look for shells. It depends if the tide is high or low.

Uh, and then watch other people, uh, fly kites and kite board and stuff. We did not bring the kite this time. No, but I heard that it was like a smashing success. Dave loves it. Dave's kite board now.

The kids are supposed to love it. Every time I look, he's the one holding it, though. Yeah, because the kids are trash. The kids do suck at it. I did get this blue corduroy kite. It just kind of goes with the entire outfit. And it completes the look. The fit.

Why do I keep getting beaten up? Oh, weird. Like tough boys. Yeah, what else? What else is going on? What is the quarantine like with two youngsters? Every day is the same. Like, there's one.

Like, each kid has their own toy, right? Their special lovey. One has a teddy and one has a bunny. two youngsters every day is the same like literally like there's there's one like each kid has their own toy right their special lovey one is a teddy and one has a bunny right and before bed it's always a scramble to figure where the fuck they left their toy because they've picked it up and put it down five million times and then i have also seen it because every time i walk through the house and i see teddy i'm like okay file that for later you're gonna want to know where that is i'm not gonna do anything about it now because I don't need it now. But I'll remember that for later. And then I'll do that.

And then I'm like, fuck, I don't know what day it was that I saw it under the couch. Was it today? Was it last Tuesday? Was it tomorrow? This is some sort of weird time vortex. You're in the dead zone somehow. Have I had too much caffeine today? What's going on?

Traveling through time. No, it's like every day is different, but every day is the same. But every day is the same, yeah. And they just bleed into themselves. Both the kids' bedtime routine involves like, you know, we read stories

and brush their teeth and all that. And the last thing I do with both of them is we talk about what they did that day. And the last thing I do with both of them is I, we talk about what they did that day. Right. And what we're going to do tomorrow.

Yeah. And it's so, it's getting very repetitive and a little depressing. For the last five years it's been great. Yeah, it's a nice little debrief

at the end of the day. You can talk about the highs, the lows, whatever, and then you can prepare for tomorrow. But then, even today,

I was like, just with Margo, I'm like, I don't know, we just both looked at screens for a long time today. And Margo was like, yes, I love it. Yeah. Like, what do the kids think of this?

Is this like, is it so weird to them? Or are they just like, this is the new reality? It's not super weird, but they're not happy. Right. Oh, yeah. It took Margo a month before she like like, had a big cry about it. Yeah. And, like, I'm never going to see my friends again.

This sucks. Everything's terrible. We can't go anywhere. Blah, blah, blah. I can't see my, you know, can't see grandma and grandpa. I can't see my friends. I mean, right. I'll go to school.

Grandma and grandpa come and visit and sit outside six feet away, and Margot ignores them. Gives them zero time. Yeah. Dave's parents lovingly drive across town and sit in six feet away and mario ignores them zero time yeah dave's parents lovingly drive across town sit in the yard we sit on the deck they sit in the yard we catch up it's lovely and the kids do not care yeah it's uh it's weird because it is true every day is kind of the same It's weird because it is true. Every day is kind of the same day. I was trying to think of what movie I watched three nights ago. And for the life of me, I couldn't remember if the movie was three nights ago or if that was three weeks ago. I have no idea.

I don't know, man. Every day, I guess it's like a winding road. And in that way, life is a highway huh yeah yeah um yeah so like uh but you're at least your your kids are not at the age where you have to like homeschool or do you have to do something like that a little bit margo's in kindergarten but she's also like a super keener so she likes doing it. Yeah. Well, kindergarten's fun. Yeah. You like draw pictures and like learn shapes and shit.

But also like... Do coloring pages. My kindergarten was just half days and her kindergarten is full days. So she's already done more hours of kindergarten than I did. Than you did. And look, oh, you turned out. Yeah. You turned out just fine.

Yeah, guys. Chronic underachiever. Thanks, honey. turned out yeah just fine yeah guys chronic underachiever uh thanks honey um the chronic underachiever in me recognizes the chronic underachiever oh yes i feel seen that's right namaste but now she is um now that they're like because the first two weeks of this were spring break and now she is it took them a couple weeks to figure out how they're we're gonna hold classes yeah and it took them two or three weeks to like how they were going to hold classes. Yeah. It took them two or three weeks to get out surveys but who has a, do you have a printer?

Can you help your kid? How many hours a day can you give to this? So they had to do a little feedback and set up Microsoft Teams and special portals that you can access and load up all the information like

a poor margo's teacher made these little like packages like these physical packets for each kid of all the stuff they'd done and then all the stuff they still have left to do oh wow that's super so much work she's amazing and then also she's all she also says don't worry if you can't do it it's's all good. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you know, try and take a bite out of it. Do what you can. And like my mom said, my mom's a career kindergarten teacher. And she says, you're fine. She can count to 10.

She can recognize her letters and kind of spell her name. She's fine. Does she know all the words to Baby Beluga? I feel like that is something. Something you guys can work on in the away time no but she does know all the words to crazy train now because of trolls too yeah it was on the radio today and i'm rocking out because it's an amazing song and margo comes in she goes i know this song and i'm like yeah she knows she doesn't know all the words she knows i i i crazy what's up ghost she knows that yeah is that what it was

i think pat boone did that on his uh oh no more mr nice guy yeah yeah scary album yeah pat boone's only scary scary scary pat boone album what if he had done that and then it was so successful that he had to do it. That's his thing. Yeah. You're pretty sweet. I'm the old heavy metal guy. Ah. Elvira, our best buds, rubbing elbows. Elvira. Elvira.

I don't know. Yeah. Absolutely. Of all the people that come to mind. Yeah. I don't even consider her heavy metal. She's heavy metal adjacent. Yeah.

She's spooky. Yeah. Boobs. She's in with spooky folk. Spooky boobs. Yeah. Wigs. She was just in the season of Drag Race that I just tore through, so there you go. Was she guest judge or something? She was a guest judge.

Nice. Are you a Drag Race head, Graham? I'm not. Like, I've watched a couple of the early seasons and I really enjoyed it. Um, I, but I just haven't kept up with it, you know,

busy. They're really grinding at the office, you know? Yeah. The days are just filling themselves. It's hard to find, you know, it's, uh,

it is weird that like some days, uh, they have absolutely nothing going on, like nothing at all. And then, uh, the next day I'll have too much in one day. There's no balance to it.

What's too much for you? One thing. Yeah, one thing. Exactly. Too much. What, do I got to go to the post office today? Exactly. It's like an errand takes on a whole new reality in this situation.

It really does. You don't want to blow your one opportunity to get out of the house. One spaghetti, you know. Yeah, exactly. Thank you. Or just like Dave does all the grocery shopping, which I am extremely grateful for. Because I just go to the shoppers by our house, like abs or it's like a pharmacy plus and it's so stressful i find it like very like anxiety to not be to not because you're a big toucher you're a big toucher of faces yeah non-stop this is supposed to be

really hard for uh blind people at parties who want to touch people's face. Yeah, they got it real rough. To see what they look like. Yeah, at parties. Yeah, I don't know. Blind people go to parties too, Graham. Yeah, where else would they be doing that? On a date, maybe. I don't know.

With a bus stop. A skull thing. A bus stop. Blind old Richie's face. But anyway, so yeah, I find it like having to go run an errand i have to like prepare myself and like like get my debit card out of my wallet first and remember which pocket it's in and then like as i'm walking through the store remember to like hold my own hands so i don't touch

anything and then keep being consciously aware of everyone around me all the time and i find it very i find i've been walking a lot with my hands like clasped behind my back. Yeah. Which does make, I saw myself in a window and I was like, this does look like you're hiding a knife.

Last time I went to a grocery store, I brought gloves. The time before I just had a mask. This time I was mask and gloves and that was very freeing. Oh, because you could touch, touch galore. Don't be too free about it though.

Oh, no, I wasn't. I guess I, what do you mean too free? Like don't touch everything and then like touch your face and touch your phone

and arrange your glasses and like, whatever. Dave's living life on the edge. Yeah. But I, yeah, so I understand what you're saying.

The gloves are very freeing because, um, like you, you can pick. The gloves are very freeing because, like, you can pick something up and not worry that you've, you know, like,

you're not supposed to, you're not supposed to squeeze the fruit anymore. Nope. But, right. I'm not buying a bad tomato because this is like,

I'm not buying a bad tomato because of the COVID. Otherwise, the terrorists win. I was going to say, you're not going to the terrorists i was gonna say you're not gonna let them win dave the uh you're not gonna let 5g win what what type of gloves are we talking about like just like a surgical yeah like a latex or blue latex and uh like in the fruit department when you need to get out the little plastic uh bag to to you know fill it

with apples tomatoes yeah yeah um i always find my fingers are so dry i always find it very hard to open those bags without like licking my fingers or uh walking sometimes i walk over to like where they have the little sprinklers spraying on the vegetables and i'll wet my fingers on there to open the bag yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. These are hacks. These are life hacks. That was the old me.

Now the gloves do the job. Yeah. You just ask somebody else to lick your fingers for you. It's fine. A blind person. If you were going to sculpt my fingers, how do they taste?

What would they taste like? gonna sculpt my fingers how do they taste what it is like uh sir i don't think you understand oh no no no i understand i remember there being tomatoes there was some weird show that used to be on like showcase or something like that that was like the show about sex stuff yeah it was like a documentary it was like a documentary show and one of the things was people who had like got molds of their genitals and they had to sit with like the clay on their lap for like hours and hours for it to work yeah and you're thinking of this why yeah yeah well because of the putting trying to sculpt the face yeah but uh no you're just thinking about it but like do they on your mind i guess my question uh for you yes this come up there uh uh did they have to uh for how long did they have to sit there and did they have to

have an erection the whole time i don't know that's that's i'll have to maybe dig through the internet yeah sure sure that'll be tomorrow's thing that i have to achieve yeah some days i got too much to do like find out if you had to have a boner to get for four hours to have a four-hour boner to have a mold made during the 90s when i watched this show yeah it was like uh they they advised you not to call your doctor if you had that long of an erection because it's working it's working you're doing it yeah well there was those kits right where you could make well maybe not for women but for men where you could make a dildo of your own penis and just do it at home how long a mold would that be i don't know i never looked into it no i mean it was. It was more your department. Yeah, I guess so. Yeah. Just remember what anniversary is wood and then send it as a joke.

Oh, there you go. And then you can give it again when it's silicone. It's fine. Yeah. Do the modern, well, like they have the modern gifts, but the modern gifts aren't that modern. They're like, you know. Instead of tin, it's paper. Yeah.

Or, yeah. Twine. Yeah. Butcher twine that like, that it's tin it's paper yeah or right twine yeah or butcher twine that like that it's everybody's wedding or an ipod shuffle that's the last time they updated it yeah come on we need to they already have zoons oh man this is the zune anniversary. Abby and I were having, like, we both have become addicted to games on our phones lately. Mm-hmm. Yeah. Okay. And I...

What have you been playing? Oh, I've been playing... Like, well, the issue that we both talked about yesterday is... Oh, yeah. We'll see an ad in our... As we're playing the hours of games. Yeah. We will see ads for other games.

Or I see ads in my Instagram. It's true. Because you're playing all the games yeah well we will see ads for other games or i see ads on my instagram it's true they're also because you're playing all the games so then you get ads for games yeah the one the one i i uh like at the moment is one where you just untie knots very soothing yeah it's called go knots uh but you we were complaining that uh sometimes they'll advertise a game for you and you're like, oh, that's good. I want to do that puzzle. That cat game looks cute.

And then you click on it and you download it and it's not the game. Like maybe the puzzle that you're seeing is part of it eventually, but it's not even the type of puzzles that you're doing. It's not a bejeweled. It's not a match three. It's, you know, like it's a, it's not a bejeweled it's not a match three it's you know like it's a

it's not a or it is a match three but i was trying to do some kind of drawing yeah what's a match three is that like the like like bejeweled we have to find three the same and oh it's like a tetris style or whatever right we have to like make them all go away i don't think i've ever played an online or on the phone game Ever You've never lived You've never lived during quarantine and you have hours to fill You were throwing around the term A match three I don't know

I just know you match three Or maybe it's in that Barbie video game movie that we've watched a million times After the kids go to sleep What do you watch? The Barbie video game movie. Oh, yeah, yeah. A little something for the adults. A little special mommy and me.

Mommy, daddy time. Anyway, so these games are super frustrating. What game are you addicted to, Abby? I've been playing... I did all of the levels on Merge Dragons, and then there were just no more levels, and now I've switched to Merge Magic. Will you explain what this is? this is a different kind of match three

okay which is an industry term but people know what it means now like a platformer or a first person shooter yes exactly a match three a match three um yeah we just like you collect these there's different there's like your camp level which is like where you accumulate your coins and stuff and you spend them on eggs and you every time you get three of the same thing you put them next to each other and they change into a it's like a pokemon you like level up okay so you're constantly building these three blue flowers make an orange flower and then the three orange flowers make an orange tree and then the orange tree makes three gray tree or whatever and then each one has points and you can build and there's also

a lot of sorting which I really find cathartic like oh I'm gonna put all my flowers over here and I'm gonna put all the little

crystals over here and all the little you know mushrooms around the side it's really nice but it also it takes zero brain power

right so it's just it's like having like something that your fingers can just play with like a rubber band something like that and then i just watched an entire season of drag race and just like and

now every time i play it i just hear rupaul in my head oh must be like sensory associations right like every time i see this i think of you know trixie mattel or whatever yeah the um uh speaking of pokemon i saw a group of dudes in the park playing the pokemon pokemon go is that what it's called is that still a thing yeah is that is that allowed in these times that's what i thought i was like come on guys this is not the right time to be pokemon going this is this is emergency pokemon should come clean and cancel all Pokemon Go. My Pokemon Go just got up and went. But when you see people out doing stuff, you kind of like, I always am,

part of me is like, well, maybe they're just roommates. Yeah, but I mean, this was like seven guys. That's quite a household they had gone you can still social distance while pokemon going yeah it's true these guys weren't but i suppose sure in theory you could yeah in theory you could but this was uh guys just standing around and i was like they can't be doing pokemon go that's like going to dance and seeing somebody do the like psi uh you know gangnam style gangnam style yeah you just be like that's like going to dance and seeing somebody do the like sigh uh you know gangnam style gangnam style yeah you just be like that's out that's out of place that's not a thing people

do um the uh yeah or like you drive you go by a park and the park is fulfilled with people and they're all on picnic blankets and they're far enough apart but like certainly not every one of those picnic blankets is a household sure like you definitely see some people you're like there's no way those people live together true you wouldn't want to spend time with the people you live together in a park yeah you would go you spend enough time with them yeah you go find a dog to chase around something like that yeah it's hard to navigate the like judgment and shame like you're judging other people and then you are feeling shame yeah what are they doing yeah they

should be further apart they should be and then part of me is like i fucking dare somebody i haven't left my house in two fucking weeks i dare you to come and tell me that i need to go home because i will unload a month's worth of rage on your face unload the chode that's your department david the chode unload yeah you don't know what that means that's a little too much information for the for the listeners i just had a mold made of my chode yeah and you could just sat there for four hours and it was no problem um i was gonna say uh do you get advertised um like when when i'm advertised games on my phone there's like the normal advertising they just show you someone playing the game usually they show you someone playing the game badly right so it was psychologically you're like oh i could do

better than this idiot uh sometimes they will show you two side by sides of the game being played one is a pro and one is a noob right i don't know if i've seen that one um and it's over a variety of games or like this is how my mom plays the game this is how my dad plays the game there's no way your mom and dad played this game yeah your mom and dad don't dance and your daddy can't rock and roll everybody knows that my mom's got a squeeze box and daddy don't sleep at night and he was a rolling stone uh but the uh the one i like the least is this one ad i see for a game where you are a hole excuse me you are a hole and you are swallowing cubes i'm so much more than a hole i mean yes i am a hole i'm various holes i'm the sum of my parts yeah you're some of your holes

yeah that's right you're a hole that is swallowing a bunch of cubes and over the top of it is it like if you can get to level 37, you are legally skilled. Nice. You're getting different ads than me. I get the, like, Kardashians and Jennifer Lopez playing Coin Master. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes. Kris Jenner?

You're here playing Coin Master? Can you give me back my coins? That's my best Kris Jenner impression. That's pretty good. That's pretty good. You've got kind of a Kris Jenner haircut. I guess. Yeah. I feel like I need a haircut. She's the momager? She's pretty good. That's pretty good. You've got kind of a Kris Jenner haircut. I guess. Yeah.

I feel like I need a haircut. She's the momager? She's the mom. Yeah. Oh, yeah. That's right. Yeah, short. She keeps it short.

Wasn't Kris also the name of the basketball player that Kim was married to? Uh-huh. Also with a K, if I'm not mistaken. Hmm. You knew it had to be. Dave, what's going on with you? I know you guys are a couple, so the same stuff has been going on with each of you.

Yeah, well, I did the second part of my haircut. Abby did the sides and the back. Dave did the top. I did the top. Then I helped even it out a little bit. She did her stuff outside. I did the top and the shower on my phone, because the mirror was too far away.

And the mirror has two faces, as we learned after the Prince of Tides. Looking at the man in the mirror was too far away. Yes. And the mirror has two faces, as we learned after the Prince of Tides. Oh, yeah. Looking at the man in the mirror. And so, yeah, I did that for a while. That was like 45 minutes. It took you so long.

Some people came to visit us in our front yard. Like, where's Dave? Cutting his hair. Dave's taking one of his patented one-hour showers. One-hour haircut. And the other thing is I started watching this documentary called The Last Dance.

Which is, do you know it? About Dwight Yoakam. No. No. That would be amazing. I would be very much into a documentary about Dwight Yoakam. It's about the writing of Tom Petty's Last Dance with Mary Jane. It's eight hours long. It's eight hours long. I thinkty's Last Dance with Mary Jane. It's eight hours long.

It's eight hours long. I think it's eight or ten hours long. It's about the last year that all the Chicago Bulls were together. Oh, yes. With Michael Jordan and Scotty Pippen and Tom Petty. Yeah. Dwight Yoakam. The Heartbreakers.

um the uh i realized that there was a resurgence of uh this commercial with scotty pippen uh shilling for a submarine sandwich yeah yeah up in chicago and he like he's the at one point he's playing against the sandwich at one point he's dunking the sandwich the laws keep changing minute to minute and he delivers his line it's it's like okay uh we over we wrote too much copy for this commercial you've got to deliver this 10 second line in two seconds yeah we're not gonna trim it we're not trimming it for you scotty pivot figure it out i forget what he says but it's like these two ah boy It's like, this is a sandwich I can defend. Hey, ladies, help me eat this. No, this is one six footer.

I can't. I can't handle. Yeah. Ladies, you want to help me? And there's two. Old ladies. Two old ladies there. It was Scotty Viv and Jessica Tandy.

Angela Lansbury. Go. Yeah. it was uh scotty vivin jessica tandy angela anyway go yeah the budget like the butt they blew all the budget on talent on the talent and they had like it's recorded with the worst like an iphone yeah no this was in the 80s maybe 90s oh this isn't normal this isn't a recent commercial no okay this was just like recently a lot of people 92 yeah they were posting it online because this documentary came out they were like what about a documentary focusing on this yeah sign me up well david and i were talking about how like you know you you curate your own feed right or your twitter and your instagram or whatever you follow in your own whatever yeah whatever news that you choose to intake. And I severely underestimated the amount of sports news that Dave gets.

Ah, yes. Because I know he's a sports fan, but I didn't realize how deep that whole goes. Well, you know, you've seen me around the house just trying to change diapers with my foam fingers on. Yeah. Always rooting for the home team. foam fingers on yeah always rooting for the home team um so i didn't realize that dave had such a wealth of sports media coming at him all the time and mostly because i have a zero yeah yeah yeah like i literally could not have less yeah i feel like the one thing that's been pretty steady for me is that was not paying attention to sports when they were on and now do not have to

pay attention to sports now that they're off and you know what when they come back i was still not paying attention to my yeah not gonna happen the thing i've noticed is that like i uh i follow maybe 10 uh sports or maybe 10 like hockey instagrams yeah and they when the season's on they all have like slightly different content sure but when nothing's going on they are all scrambling for the same nuggets of uh sports news yeah there was a it was like adjacent to that i saw a video that was put together by like 50 different stuntmen oh yeah it's so cool but it's like oh yeah the stunt industry they gotta i guess stay in shape stunt wise they're really hurting yeah i mean all those i they were pretty quick like pretty rapid fire like get hit fall down and then hit next guy yeah Next guy, yeah. I could have done that. I could have done one of those.

But could you have done the backflip? No. Yeah, see, Dave? But I could do the follow. Like, I could do a pretty funny follow. It's true. Yeah. I feel like Chevy Chase did that a lot on SNL,

and he had, like, permanent spine damage from all the falls because he didn't know how to do it. Yeah. He just kept falling painfullyfully which is the best way that is the funniest way it hurts but it is funny yeah alicia tobin still has injuries from a pratfall she did like eight years ago yeah yeah we all laughed at but i nearly passed out from laughing yeah and we obviously still talk about because i'm talking about it now but she really fucked herself we were at the hotel and she kicked over the wet floor sign. She walked right into the wet floor sign on purpose.

Yeah, and it was so good. And she really is the queen of the pratfalls. And some hotel workers were like, oh my god, are you okay? And we are not helping her. We are laughing so hard. And we are not even going near to help her. You stand up. I'm glad someone did.

Anyway. What are these sports guys doing? It's the Chicago Bulls. Michael Jordan's on the team. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, right on. Also, Dennis Rodman. Dennis Rodman.

We're two episodes in. The next leader of North Korea, Dennis Rodman. Yeah, very little on Dennis Rodman. Don't say that, because this episode comes out in like 10 days. Sorry. And he may be the leader. He might very well be.

And then who's going to be the fool? Have we talked on the show about this? How Abby may have gone to high school with Kim Jong-un? His brother. No.

Do you know for sure it wasn't Kim Jong-un? I'm 90% sure it was the brother who's disgraced. Oh, okay. Oh, like he's the black sheep

The one he didn't murder? Ah, yes, yes. But isn't, did Kim Jong-un go to school in Switzerland too? He did, but he went to a Swiss public school

in German. And I think his brother came to my school which was English. Hmm. And one day these two, like,

because you went to school in the capital of Switzerland. Mm-hmm. It was all the embassies, right? So all your classmates, not all of them, but a lot of them were. Kids of diplomats. Kids of diplomats. Right.

And one day, and they were North Korean, you were sure? Absolutely. They would arrive in a black Bentley with two North Korean flags, like, above the headlights. And there were two kids, and their names were? Kwang Chol and Chol Pak. And one of them was? Super ripped. Because he was a bodyguard.

Because he was not 16 years old. Right. And in grade 10. But he was the bodyguard of the son. Yeah, of one of Kim Jong Il's sons. Yeah, one's dead, one's Supreme Leader, and the other one was too westernized for Kim. Because the one that I went to school with is technically the oldest, maybe? Or the second oldest.

But he was passed over because he was too westernized. So of the three, marry, fuck, kill. Yeah. Well, I'd kill the dead one. Yeah, the dead one's dead. So that does that. That's easy. The leader has a bunch of money so maybe marry him

yeah and then this other guy's ripped from what i hear so and well he's he's just the bodyguard oh i can't throw him into the pot okay marry fuck kill a bodyguard you have to bodyguard one of them You have to bodyguard one of them. Guard that body. Have you ever seen The Bodyguard? Like a million times. Oh, okay. I was a woman who grew up in the 90s. Of course I did.

You're every woman. Yes, I have also seen The Bodyguard. It was on like last week. I watched a big chunk of it. I never saw it. It's good. It is good. But I feel like last week's Bradley Cooper movie club movie.

BCMC. BCMC. And we'll get to this week's BCcmc in a bit oh yes uh but last week's was very um reminded me of what the bodyguard must have been just like you know we'll get a pop star put them in one movie one and done they'll do a good job. The male lead. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so you watch this documentary. Is it good? Yeah, it's good. It's being released two at a time, like two a week.

Is it like an ESPN thing? Yeah, it's ESPN, but it's on Netflix too. Oh, okay. Because ESPN doesn't exist here. Yeah. But it's great. It's really great. It's up there with the tom petty documentary oh god and that eagles documentary but it is it's good like it's uh because i i did

you ever see like them play when you were here as a younger man with the grizzlies and whatnot i didn't see them in person no but i But I saw them. I was a fan. You knew of them, yes. I like Mike. I want to be like Mike. Yeah, I get it. And I did. I think I told the story about how he started wearing

bike shorts underneath his shorts. And I was like, I want that for my, when I play soccer. Oh yeah, but you were so tiny I had such toothpick legs you were such a little skinny mini my dad got the smallest ones he could and they fit my waist

but they were like so baggy baggy on my legs uh um yeah that tracks that

how many championships did they win six really yeah I was gonna guess five not that far off well they won three in a row and then they didn't win two and then they win one three in a row wow and this is

about their their last of the six okay okay so what year is that like 1994 95 eight all right 1908 yeah you know eight yeah i just remember did you ever see that poster that was Michael Jordan holding his arms out and it was just his wingspan? Oh, for sure. Giant ass arms. Yeah. I just remember that very seared into my memory. Yes, absolutely.

Yeah. Yeah. Someone, me who has no reference, interest, knowledge of basketball, I know about that. You know that yeah exactly it was and i have zero context what are your top five michael jordan memories as people who didn't like basketball oh okay space jam for sure space jam uh can i give you one did he give mcdonald's commercials yeah he did a michael he definitely did a mcdonald's commercial where he and larry bird were doing bank shots in nothing but net.

Yeah, I remember that. In Home Alone when his backboard cut out at the party. Absolutely. He was one of the three pro stars on the animated series. With Wayne Gretzky and Bo Jackson. That's right. What else? yeah yeah with wayne gretzky and bo jackson that's right and uh and he um what else that poster for sure that poster and the shoes i was gonna say shoes of course if i have any reference for it for any sport man it's the sport man by the way yeah

person um it would be the clothing or shoes they were yeah and then uh he went and became a baseball man yeah for a time that's the other big thing that would have been true i think that's in the two years they didn't win one of those years yeah because then he went back didn't he i think that's the timeline and like is yeah that was weird michael jordan like, he's good at basketball naturally, but he also practices harder than anybody else or something like that. Like, that seems like something I've heard about Michael Jordan. Yeah, he's meaner than anyone else. He seems really nice in all the pictures and commercials and stuff,

but he's a real asshole and is competitive even with his teammates. He's being a dick. If they're not competitive enough. Oh, really? And of course, a compulsive gambler. Yeah, that's what I was going to say. Compulsive gambler. But a lot of athletes apparently are because they get into this loop of wanting the same

kind of adrenaline and, and kind of drive to win and all that kind of shit. And they just have the means available. Yeah, of course. Yeah. They've got access to it. Yeah.

Hundreds and hundreds of thousands of dollars. And they, uh, Oh yeah. The other thing we know about them. Snake glasses. They can play poker. Lizard reptile glasses for poker.

That's right. The other thing we know about him, famously, as a retired man, he's got the worst genes. He's got the worst genes. He does have bad genes. He's got bad genes. And he, for a while, had a Hitler mustache. Yes. He was weird.

Yeah, that was weird. It was not a good choice. And also, it's funny that, like, most kids know him from that meme of him crying. Yes. Yes. Oh, yes. Very strange point of reference.

A lot of people know it. Yeah, exactly. You don't know how you're going to be remembered. You hope that it's for the many NBA championships you won. But, you know, if you did a funny picture, you're crying. That's it. That's you. A thousand years, that's all they're going to know.

That's right. So that's me. I'm glad I can educate you guys about Michael Jordan. Sweet. Thanks, Dave. Yeah, I love this. What's going on with you? Well, this week and the past couple weeks i do not uh shop online ever and not out of any principled

stance but i just like uh why you don't need to is it was it because you don't know your credit card number it's because uh you never remember this the cvs code that's right that's right and i i refuse to look i refuse to flip my card over to see we'll not flip it over yeah and and whenever you make a purchase it always like cv and cvv code i think and it's always there's always a little thing you can click on that says what is this look i know what it is i shop online a lot yeah i just don't i don't shop a lot in general and then i also if i need something i'll just uh will walk to the store and i will get it at the store but uh you can't do that no more stores unless unless you're craving uh you know curbside

chipotle or whatever and then then you're in luck. But, yeah. So, yeah, I've ordered some stuff online. Real mixed bag of results, I'll tell you. Welcome to online shopping. Yeah, this really is, it was, I felt like it was a real crash course. It's a real learning curve.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, you got to make sure that the websites you're going to are You got to read the reviews. Seem authentic. Yeah. Yeah. yeah yeah you gotta make sure that the websites you're going to are you gotta read the reviews yeah uh you know fine by instead of best buy you know like it was just off by one okay bye um but i got uh i've been doing all these uh beard paintings and i have to ship them and i didn't i was like i don't want to hang out in a ups store for an hour printing off like shipping uh things so i bought bought a printer oh congratulations thank you that's

horrible yeah it's been a while since i've owned a printer and owning a printer is not uh oh it's cracked up to me no it's a curse yeah yeah because whatever i paid for the printer is like a pittance compared to what the... I was just going to say the oil of the printer. Uh-huh. The ink. Yeah. The food. Mm-hmm.

Yeah. But that's where they get you, right? Yeah. But you could just buy a new printer every time. That's true. Does it come with ink? Yeah, they usually do. Oh, yeah. but you could just buy a new printer every time that's true does it come with ink yeah we usually do yeah no yeah you just spend another hundred bucks on the ink and save yourself a hundred bucks on the printer and save yourself like the last time i needed ink i needed one color i needed

black ink but it was like well you're low on all your other colors so we won't even let the black ink work right yourself that's that stinks yeah um and then i i ordered a printer from one uh store and then i ordered paper from another to see it like to race to see who got there first they showed up on the same day fun where you can't oh wow yeah they showed up on the same day so uh it was best buy by an hour yeah oh i am uh yeah yeah i'm'm an online shopper. I was going to say, if you have any questions, ask Dave. And I think my favorite game I play on my phone is Tracking Packages. Yes.

Yes. A game called Tracking Packages would be, or Tracking Pizza. That's the other one that people just Yes, please. Do you use the Domino's Pizza Tracker? Barry's checking your order. Yeah, and like a lot...

Thanks, Barry. Everybody else has knocked them off. Like, now Pizza Hut has one. Oh, really? Yeah, yeah. So, like, it's such a good idea that every pizza place should have one. Everybody wants it. It is really good.

It is a great idea. Yeah, it's great. It's fun. It's interactive. Game changer. Yeah, there should be a documentary about that yeah because it goes uh suck on that tiger king you know someone has received your order larry has received your order bruce is preparing you're preparing your pizza victor's

checking it victor's putting it in the oven and then you know terry's doing the quality check yeah by the way it never fails the quality check. Yeah. Yeah, there's not a pizza that's come off that line. There's not like two possible ways it can go in the flow chart. Yeah, there's just the one. Terry has rejected the quality check. Start again.

Yeah, it came out heart-shaped, and that is not the right month for that. Yeah, so I got that that and then i ordered a pair of shoes online and uh they were they're waterproof i was so stoked about this like waterproof sneakers oh yes i've seen i've seen an ad for those on instagram and they're uh like they took a long time to arrive and then i couldn't i literally couldn't get them on because there was no there's no tongue or anything it's just like oh sure you slide in yeah and i was not sliding in anywhere so now i gotta return these shoes yeah this is now this is my whole life now is returning i in the last because i've been online shopping for decades many years yes and canada has only gotten good at doing it in the last few years with returns and shipping rates yeah i mean like with or just offering them offering stuff

yeah and like i returning stuff to the states such a bummer yes but returning stuff to canada is not a problem yeah this is luckily a canadian company so i'm in the clear but uh it's like you know when you order something you know because you shop online you order something and then it's always kind of in the back of your mind like today might be the day that it arrives and you're kind of excited you get that kind of christmasy feeling why do you think he's tracking the app 18 hours a day? I wouldn't say I'm excited. I would say I'm aroused. I'm engorged.

You got to get that dildo kit. My dildo kit's arriving today. Oh, no. But I have to order another one so I can make the first one. It's an endless cycle. Worth it. But when I return stuff, I even track track that even get a boner for that um uh so you're returning these bad boys these bad boys are on their way back and they have a

very good return policy there's no problems there it's just like now i've got to do it yeah i gotta go to a post office and uh you know people aren't social distancing in there oh hell no it's all bets are off when you hit the post office everybody's gonna be touching your face there yeah they're weighing your head it's like a blind people party the blind sculpture party oh boy so yeah i've died head first into the the world of online shopping well welcome thank you uh i can't wait to see you should post some you know uh some stuff some fines winners and losers yeah post pictures of your fits of your johns yeah yeah um and uh also this week as you previously teased uh i watched a bradley cooper film oh is it time for the bradley cooper movie i think so let's play the theme song bradley cooper movie

club movie club movie club bradley cooper movie club okay oh sure why not um but Movie Club. Bradley Cooper. Movie Club. Okay. Oh, sure. Why not? But I won't record a proper version of that because I don't know how many weeks I can watch Bradley Cooper movies. Well, we're about to find out. I don't. This is the third week? This is. Well, no. Week one.

First one was not on purpose. Yeah. Limitless was just Graham's flight of fancy. And you just have such an enthusiasm for it. You love it so much. You just wanted to talk about it. Yeah. And week two was Lady Gaga.

Star is Born. Is the bodyguard. Yes. Yes. And we figured out that Bradley Cooper directed that film. And also co-wrote it. And also starred in it and also what the brothers some songs songs and he he was the brother of sam elliott and that doesn't that doesn't work

it doesn't add up track yeah uh and then this week and so last week i gave graham some choices and i think when i was listing them uh I said Joy and he said is that one about a mop? And I said I think so and he said then we're watching Joy. Yeah man. Could we just change this to the mop movie club? Just movies of I will only watch movies

about a mop. It's so crazy like in the first two minutes of the movie I was like I don't think there's a movie made about Madam Curie, but there's, no, that's, I mean,

maybe a hundred years ago, but not a, yeah, not a David O. Russell out of star studded David O. Russell, which is he good?

Is he a good director? I just know him from yelling at Lily Tomlin. I was going to say he's a terrible person but makes good movies. He's a terrible person

on the set. Yeah. Yes. Who knows what he's like in day to day life. And he made I liked Three Kings. Oh yeah.

Three Kings is good. Yeah. I liked some of his. I liked, you know, I don't think I liked... I liked a 6 to 7.5 out of 10. Okay. You know?

I didn't really like I Heard Huckabees. No. I didn't see Silver Linings Playbook. Yeah. And I mean, Joy, let's talk about it.

Yeah, absolutely. Let's break it down. You both watched this. Yes, we did. We watched it last night. Yeah. And I had to rent it. Did you you both watch this yeah we watched it last night yeah and uh i had to rent you put this did you put this uh off into the last minute no i watched it on uh monday night yeah it was monday night and i had to get it on demand i had to rent it yes you had to pay the five bucks yeah and uh and it was like uh i thought the on demand wouldn't have

it and then i'd be like well i guess we can't do it but it had it it had it and i was i was pretty stoked um but uh what it was your overall like there was first of all there's some very weird angles in that movie there was a lot of low angles shooting up and uh it was it was uh its biggest crime was it took a full hour for bradley cooper to show up absolutely i was like halfway through i was like oh shit did we misread like is he not in this yeah are we confusing this with another mob movie starring jennifer lawrence uh like uh yeah so she starts off she's got this crazy family people are uh just terrible yeah uh her mom is crazy and watches uh soap operas 24 hours a day which is weird how is the same soap opera on all the entire time it's yeah how is she watching this

every waking hour or she's like watching old tapes because she says i have tapes of them or something there was one maybe that explains it early in the movie she i think the mom's is like bed bound or she's housebound like she doesn't she doesn't leave by choice like i don't know there's anything physically wrong with her like that's right just mentally like agoraphobic or just doesn't want to leave her room or whatever yeah and she at one point there's water on the floor and then jennifer lawrence just starts taking up floorboards and i was like this is the most insane hammer she doesn't even hesitate she just starts taking apart the floor robert de niro uh was like he comes in he's her estranged dad not estranged dad but just like a he comes in, he's her estranged dad.

Not estranged dad, but just like. Your piece of shit dad. He's so terrible. And no one ever, no one ever was like, yeah, dad, whatever. But he's a terrible person. He's a destructive force in her life. He's a terrible person. But he comes in.

But as an actor, like that was some good. Bruce Wayne did a good job. Some pretty good Robert De Niro. Yes. He was, he was like unleashing the beast. He was with it. He was firing on all cylinders. They must have done great things with the

cue cards. It didn't look like he was searching for things. I mostly know him as a guest star on Saturday Night Live. Yes, and I know him from his stint on the film Comedian. Oh, yes.

And, of course, his work in Limitless. Yes. Opposite Bradley Cooper. So it was a nice reunion for them. It was a homecoming. Yeah. And for people that don't know what the basic plot is. The movie is called Joy.

Jennifer Lawrence is a woman named Joy. Also, yes, Joy. Who has this crazy family. She works as a flight attendant, but then she gets laid off. Is that what her job is? Yeah, there's one scene of her. Can I totally forget that? Yeah, she's barely a flight attendant. Because she has like a uniform.

She's trying to leave for work. Whatever she keeps happening. Yes. I'm going to be late for work. And then all of a sudden you're just sitting on the floor talking for 20 minutes. Also in the beginning, everything was so expository. Every sentence out of everybody's mouth was, Yes. Well, you know that I have to go to work at the airline where I work.

Yeah. And he told you that this is going to happen. And then that's the other guy. Where's mom? Is she still living in the, is mom still in bed watching soap operas? He's living downstairs Your ex-husband? You've been divorced

For two years This is You're not doing divorce right And we knew it was about Her inventing a mop And like When did this movie Come out again?

Like 2013? 2012? About that yeah 2015 maybe Maybe And It was more recent Than we thought it was I remember that and it was more recent than we thought it was i remember that no it was more recent than you thought it was i thought it was 10 years old

and you thought it was five years old and it was like eight yeah okay no i think it's like five years old but i thought it was like last year time is meaningless friends as we've all learned but also jennifer lawrence was like 23 or 24 like I looked up her age. No way. She wasn't that young. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Really? She's 10 years younger than us. She's only 29 now. No way. Yeah. She's born in 90. So she

plays at one point as my favorite part of the movie. We'll get there eventually. But she plays herself as young Joy and then older older joy and there's no difference yes same hair same makeup same clothes but like half an hour in i remember i looked over at abby and i was like just invent something you stupid idiot what are we doing like what the fuck is going on where's the mop why is this

movie two hours long just first of all it took you 45 minutes to get to the mop then took you an hour to get to bradley cooper why am i here yes yeah yes and so this i guess takes place in the 80s at first early late 80s yeah when she invents the mop she's on qdc she's on isabella rossolini's ex-husband's yacht. Yes. Oh, yes. Ex-husband's yacht. That's right.

Or sailboat. It was nice to see Isabella Rossellini. She was lovely. Always. And they spill a bunch of red wine. And break glass. And Joy is mopping it up. And she.

With an old timey mop. With an old timey mop. And then she. Oh, it's time to wring out the, oh I'm cleaning up wring out the mop which is I don't even know how that

crossed her mind of like this mop is filled with broken glass I hate, there's gotta be a better way, it's like she's an idiot in an infomercial she cuts up her hands real good and uh wringing wine and glass out of a mop yeah and then she she like draws it in crayon the idea for her mop she draws it in crayon on a piece of paper and uh it's like i can't believe that anybody could follow it it It just looked like a dress.

Yeah. I did love that every person she showed it to, they're like, I don't get it. Yeah. All of her family's like, I don't know what you're talking about. Yeah. She comes up with the idea for the mop. She draws it. But I also have a note here that, because earlier she had to pull up the floorboards

and they needed to call a plumber and they seem to call the plumber who arrives at bedtime like everyone like that's right yeah the plumber shows up and it's like 9 p.m it's like is this the same day it's the same day because it like because it was light earlier she was tearing up the floorboards 45 minutes ago yeah yeah and uh and then like they've taken the boat trip in between yeah then they the plumber and the mother have some kind of bond yeah yeah and i was like well this will definitely bear fruit down the road it does not no um and then she makes a prototype? What happens next? They're completely lost.

Yeah, she designed, like, my next note is She puts on a welding mask, right? And she makes her own. That's right. In the dad's shop. Yeah. Oh, right, her dad owns an auto shop. In Robert De Niro's body shop. Yeah. Doing body shots. Also, there was a scene with Robert De Niro where they flash back

to the past, and i think they de-aged him uh oh did they yeah because he was his face was so smooth and i was like oh i don't think robert de niro's ever had that smooth of face maybe a chemical peel i don't know did they do the uh irishman thing yeah yeah but they digitally you know they used an instagram filter they did the baby filter? Yep. Snapchat. The Snapchat baby filter? Yep. Oh, boy.

And he was like, goo-goo-ga-ga. Yeah. You fucked my wife. Yeah, and then we are, like, my only other note after bedtime plumber was, Bradley Cooper is in this? Question mark? Yeah. And there's a scene, too, where she's seated in a waiting area and then you just see a pair of legs and you're like well i know this is bradley

cooper's legs just they like don't show his face yeah for a lot for like a while yeah so she's trying she's trying to sell this mop and and uh we can't get it in any stores she's trying to sell this mop and we can't get it in any stores. She's trying to sell it in the parking lot of Kmart. Gets arrested. Yeah, she gets arrested. That's right. And then she eventually. Because her mop's confiscated. Yeah.

And then she eventually gets in the. She gets a meeting with this guy at QVC. And then we're supposed to think that this guy is some kind of mastermind because he's like, look at the hands. Don't look at the face of the celebrity. Look at the hands. It's the voice and the hands. I worked at a Kmart for 20

years. I'm an expert. QVC stands for quality value. Craftsmanship? Convenience? Confidence? Connection? value craftsmanship what is the other one convenience maybe confidence connection um

uh yeah so and then he needed a haircut so bad Bradley Cooper get a fucking he also

he did a shave too yeah yeah it was just he was just I think he might have been like growing it out for something else maybe

a star is born. Oh yeah. 10 years later, 10 years later. Um, and so he, yeah. So he's like this grease,

greasy guy who runs QVC and is going to set her up with the, their number one salesman who then goes on the air and is like, I can't figure out this. That was, that was probably my favorite part of the movie it was pretty great he didn't bother to like test it out before the going live on the air uh and soaking himself so darn tricky it's impossible to use you'll hate it 1995 orders are rolling in yeah and then she she says Joy says to Bradley Cooper

you gotta let me get in there you gotta let me go on the air yeah I sold it to you let me sell it to them and then that I laughed so hard

because when I was watching it because he said well you can't go on TV he's saying to this woman who's a movie star right gorgeous

you're only the prettiest person in this movie. Yeah. You have no place on QVC, home of Joan Rivers. Yeah. I liked that they had Melissa Rivers playing Joan Rivers. That was cool.

And then they make Joy, they do her hair. And oh, it turns out it wasn't even like a big reveal. Like, oh, she's actually beautiful? Yeah. Oh. And then she, but she won't go out in that, in her new hair and costume. She says, I gotta.

It's not Joy. Gotta be me. I gotta wear slacks. Yeah. Gotta wear slacks and a blouse. And then something else happens she was like gets in patent law the part that gets me in particular in relation to bradley cooper is that he's apparently he he has this long career of being like a genius a kmart genius yeah right yeah worked for kmart

for years yeah i'm a real kmart and then he's now been hired to start QVC because this is like the beginning of QVC. Which, by the way, that's the movie I would rather see. Seriously. Yeah, exactly. So as Joy is trying to sell this mop, he's just like directing cameras and telling like music cues. That's right. Focus on the hand. Focus in here.

No, cut here. No camera, dude. And there's definitely a director what the fuck are you doing there's a director in the control room who's like

what's going on on the floor is Bradley Cooper down there telling you what to do I'm getting a coffee I'm out of here yeah and then

that was very weird to me there's like some weird copyright law or something yeah they like it was a patent law the company that is making her

the manufacturing also owns a patent law. The company that is making her... The manufacturing also owns a patent. Like, steals the patent or something. Or they say they have a patent that's the same, but it's really not the same, so they demand a bunch of money. Right. Yeah. And then she goes to meet, and like, the last

scene in the movie, basically, she goes to meet the guy who's, you know, stripping her over. Gerhard her heart and she's like uh she's like uh no you're actually defrauding me you're a fraud i'm gonna tell everyone you're a fraud and you're gonna get uh convicted of fraud yeah that's not gerhard it's the guy in dallas yeah higher up the chain and he's like you're right you win I'm a piece of shit here's a hundred grand leave me alone but then the movie does

possibly my favorite thing of the whole movie where it flashes forward and it shows years from now Jennifer Lawrence's joy

is she's huge success she's invented other things they do not say what literally she tells us how she got the giant house and other things but the mop and other and other inventions other inventions and then she's now she's the boss and a woman comes in

comes in to show her invention to joy because now joy's the big boss and she takes it and it's a lint roller and she just rolls it on her one sleeve and she's like i want this this is great this is good design and then and then the people leave the office and she's there alone and then she opens up a box in her rosebud moment where she opens up a box and it's the paper dolls she made as a kid she made when she was a kid are still in a box that she keeps under her desk oh it did my heart destroyed in a fit of rage earlier in the movie that was like a huge turning point rage guy yeah yeah but you know what doesn't show on his face no wrinkles nothing like that no rage lines it is the baby's bum yeah um so uh yeah joy's great we loved joy we love joy uh in the bradley cooper movie club so far uh is joy as good as the previous one um i think i think

a star is born is better than joy yes i think so too yeah but uh what else what other bradley cooper films are there well um there's wet hot american summer that that would be barely in it yeah but it counts but he does count but is um uh what was i gonna say about joy did anyone see it like do you know anyone have you ever met anyone who saw joy no no uh then it's good that we told the entire plot you're welcome david yeah exactly we did we did you a solid here yeah i was realizing i've actually seen more bradley cooper movies than i thought considering i don't care for him yeah um i think i've seen a lot of the two i've seen all three of the

Hangover movies, so that's a big chunk. Well, I only saw the first of those. You can just stay with that. I think I'm okay. Yeah. And then he... I told Dave I watched The Star is Born and I fast-forwarded through all the music and every time they talked to each other.

And he sort of like romantic thing. I was like, yeah, no. So I essentially watched Sam Shepard and that's about it. And Sam Elliott. they talk to each other. Any sort of like romantic thing. I was like, yeah, no. Yeah. So I essentially watched Sam Shepard and that's about it. And Sam Elliott. Oh, Sam Elliott. That's the one,

not Sam Shepard. Um, the, uh, we, I think last week we were trying to decide, do we like Bradley Cooper? Like if we were going to do a movie club,

do you have a favorite actor? Um, I was always a really big fan of Jack Nicholson. I was like a lot of movies he was in. He had a pretty good track record. Not all of his movies are good. And he did. Yeah, that's true.

How about you? Well, I don't know if I like Brad Pitt so much, but I do like his movies. A lot of his movies. Yeah, agreed. Agreed. He does. He picks good, solid scripts. Russell Crowe was another one for me.

Really? Like I've liked a lot. Well, first of all, Gladiator is my all time favorite movie forever and ever and always. It will never be dethroned ever. So there's that. But I was looking at it too.

I was also looking at a bunch of Ridley Scott movies and he did a lot of those but he's done a lot of great stuff and like a weird variety like the one he did where he was like building a house in Italy and then you know Gladiator or then like The Insider and then that boxer movie

he's done so many weird things he has been in a lot of weird things I'm going to make a few I have Bradley Cooper's IMDb open. Yeah. Always. And. Just a tab that's open.

There are some I don't want to see. Did you ever see American Sniper? No. I saw it, but. I saw it too. I don't want to do that. Yeah, it's a super bummer. The ones I would suggest are Burnt, where he is a chef. saw it too i don't want to i don't want to do that yeah it's okay it's a super bummer the ones i

would suggest yeah are burnt where he is a chef chef that sounds good um go on uh server linings playbook is all right sure did you ever see that yeah i've seen it i i haven't but it seems very similar to joy yes absolutely he. He's like unhinged. He has some sort of mental illness or something. And he does a good job. He made two of those ensemble ones. He was in He's Just Not That Into You and Valentine's Day. Oh, yeah.

Oh, he was in both of those. Either of those I would watch. Was he in the scenes with Julia Roberts? Maybe he was. And he played Face in The A-Team. Oh, yeah. Oh, shit. These are good options being served up here. They're not terrible.

Because we were talking about, like, do we really like him? Like, I feel like his best role ever was in Wedding Crashers. Yes. Yes. That was the role he was born to play. Yeah. And he's been actoring us face off ever since. He's been acting all over town.

Absolutely. So which of those do you choose for next week? And do we want to make a guest watch them uh yes and yes yeah let's watch if for the guest's sake let's watch valentine's day that could have gone anywhere yeah i didn't know that was going to end. For the guest's sake. Let's watch Valentine's Day. Okay, everyone. You have your viewing orders. I didn't think we'd come back with another one

this week. No, no. We did it. Yeah, Valentine's Day. This is great. Alright. Do we want to move on to overheards? Absolutely. Hi, I'm Jackie Cation. Hi, I'm Laurie Kilmartin. And we have a podcast called The Jackie and cation hi i'm laurie kilmartin and we have a podcast called the jackie and laurie show who are you laurie kilmartin oh my god so much pressure uh sam a stand-up i've been doing stand-up since 1987 i'm a writer for conan i've written a couple

books have a couple cds out have a special out who are you jackie well i too am a stand-up comic since 1984 and I do the road like a maniac and don't have a cool writing job, but I have four albums out, working on a new album. We talk about stand-up. We talk about all the different parts of stand-up comedy. So that's the Jackie and Laurie Show and you should subscribe on

Maximum Fun if you want to hear that. And I would encourage you not to. Overheard. Overheard's a segment that gets harder and harder each week that you spend indoors all the time. But if you are lucky enough. And only talking to the same three people. That's right. But if you have something funny that you've overheard, this is the place to share it.

And we always like to start with the guests. So, Abby, if you would. I do. I'm keeping some in my phone. What do I have here? I think this is actually from when we were in New York back in October. And we were just standing in line for an ATM. And there was two young women in front of us,

and they're chatting and they're having a good time, and then all of a sudden the one who's at the ATM looks over and says, Quick cash? $200? Who does this ATM think I am? And then her friend was like, yeah, bitch, you've never had $200. Yeah, this ATM's under the impression that I'm Daddy Warbucks over here. I'm $200 to throw around. I don't remember getting any cash on that trip. I think it was after we got Noodle Bar.

The Noodle Bar debacle. The Noodle Bar debacle where we... Ordered enough chicken for 20 people. I stole a bunch of chicken. Oh, yeah, that's right. We conned $100 worth of chicken out of david chang at least um yeah i uh i haven't gotten since this uh outbreak i haven't got i've been to the atm at all nope i got cash out like in february and i still have the 20s in my wallet because i haven't spent them well no one

takes cash right yeah like i don't want to pay cash and a lot of places aren't taking cash yeah yeah debit rules everything around me dream and you can tap without actually like making contact i find that i get my tab gets rejected more and more these times yeah me too a lot of i'm doing a lot of pin pad action i'm doing a lot of pin pad action i'm doing a lot of pin pad with my pinky your left hand you're trying to do things with your left hand right your non-dominant hand yeah it's hard it's uh i want to be by the end of this i want to be ambidextrous that's the one thing yeah let's make it happen just want to have like the most ripped pinky. Dave, do you have an overheard? Sure.

Mine is, so I bought a bike last week. And I went helmet shopping. And while I was helmet shopping, there was a man. So the bike stores are considered essential. Yeah, because transportation? Sure. Yeah. But even though you're not supposed to go anywhere that's right that's true huh um but there was uh when i was in the store there was just there's these two people shopping in the store i was looking for so i went to buy a helmet but there

was a man working at the store a white, a white man. And there were two Japanese people, uh, two Japanese customers. And the man was, uh, speaking in Japanese to them. Okay. The white dude.

Yeah. The white man was, he was a, it seemed like a Japanophile. He can't jump. That's how you know that he's white. Is that right? Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. So he was speaking Japanese to them. He's working in, he's selling them something. Maybe. I don't know., he's selling them something maybe, I don't know. And then. I don't speak Japanese, I don't know. Yeah, and then he, they spoke a little bit of English and he went back to English and he said, do you watch Terrace House?

And they were like, what is, I don't, I don't know, Terrace House, what is Terrace House? And he's like, oh, it's on Netflix. And they're like, oh, we don't, I don't know. Terrace house. What is terrace house? And he's like, uh, Oh, it's on Netflix. And they're like, Oh, we don't have Netflix. Uh, we, we,

you know, they don't have very much Japanese stuff on there. And he goes, it's on Fuji TV. Yeah. Oh, I'm glad you're explaining Japanese television to the Japanese. So he's such a big fan of terrace house.

Not only does he know it's on Netflix, he knows where it's on in Japan. He has the Japanese network. Wow. Yeah. Pretty pretty good i don't know yeah yeah really schooling those japanese people yeah um and this is just a you know this is a guy working at a bike store who knows what his other is his recreational hours are like yeah no he's you, he's watching Sailor Moon. Yes. Yes. And how could you not? With the... He's reading anime. He's reading manga.

Is that right? He's going to say reading anime. Yeah, Dave, correct. Yeah. Oh, I mean, are there not subtitles to read? Well, you're not wrong. Yeah. Depending on the version you're watching.

He's watching hentai. Yeah, aren't we all? These are the great Japanese things. Do you watch hentai or read hentai these are we all these are the great japanese things are you what do you watch hentai or read hentai genius i think you can do both okay but isn't i don't think hentai is specific is hentai tentacle stuff tentacle porn stuff yeah okay um how man i think there's non-tentacle too really i? I mean, there must be. Is it just like sexual stuff? I'm not interested.

I thought it was just porn. Oh, I thought it was tentacle porn. But like picture porn. Picture porns, picture porns, lots of fun with picture porns, lots of fun with crayons and with pencils. You can play with picture porns, fill your day with picture porns, till Bill Cosby does another picture porn with you. Oh, no. Wait wait what did i miss you just blanked for a sec in a different dimension uh do you have an overheard um yes i was uh i was at the park i was sitting in the park and a woman was exasperated walking with her child that was on a bike and uh yeah dave's exasperated already

the kid was like a full block ahead of her on the bike and so she was yelling directions and he was not his name was michael uh because she kept yelling michael michael michael and uh then i couldn't hear what the kid was saying but she said i told you to stop at the sign and i couldn't hear what the kid was saying, but she said, I told you to stop at the sign. And I couldn't hear what the kid said, but she said, the sign that says stop. So, yeah. What sign, mom? Oh, yeah, the sign that says stop.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah. No, you told me to yield, mom. Yeah, that's right. And to merge when necessary

yes yes um you told me uh deer crossing yeah go on the right side of this sign not on the left side um now we also have overheards sent into us from oh this is exciting there in the world best this is what i live for oh full of other people who haven't interacted with another human being in weeks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mostly these are, I remember this from years ago. This was an overheard that was said directly to me. We have a lot of unread messages in our Gmail. It's true, you do.

You do. We go way back. But if you want to send one in, you can it into spy at maximum fun.org and the first one comes from angela in denver colorado uh older boy it says to put two cups of barbecue sauce mom how much is that mom in an irritated but patient mom voice get out a cup and measure it boy i'll just start pouring and you can tell me how much is enough mom in less patient voice just use a measuring cup older boy starts pouring barbecue sauce in and says tell me when there you go that's good. But whatever recipe needs two cups of barbecue sauce, I don't think they're baking anything specific.

I don't think the chemistry is going to be off. Precise measurements. Yeah. I was making a barbecue sauce souffle. Collapsed because I put two and a half cups in. Too much barbecue sauce. This next one comes from Nicole M. in Pittsburgh. My husband was chatting with his brother online while playing games.

See, this counts. I heard him say, that's an amazing accent. It sounds somewhere between Manchester and head injury. Sounds about right. There's probably a lot of crossover in that Venn diagram. He was playing with Liam Gallagher. I love how much those brothers hate each other. Oh, I love it so much.

It's the gift that keeps giving. It really is. I love how much their interviews need subtitles. Yes. Yes. Yeah. And yeah, just like that they have this burning hot rage for each other all these years into their into their 50s yes just years that they will never get over it

uh this last one comes uh from sharon a while back i was on vacation in new york and when me too yeah um and her then partner needed medical attention he's fine but they spent five hours yeah that's right we spent five hours waiting at the hospital while he slept and I listened to this older

gentleman in the next bed have lively conversation with his family after a moment of small talk he said in his queen's, which I don't know what the accent is, Kevin James. Picture Kevin James saying this. He was the king, so he would know. Picture Awkwafina as Nora from Queen.

Yes. After a moment of small talk, he said in his Queen's accent, I tried out this diaper. It's beautiful. He said in his queen's accent I tried out this diaper It's beautiful Real life changer You know what You find a good one

I'm definitely curious About the adult diaper I wore them They're great Oh yeah You wore them after After both After both baby births

Oh yeah But you couldn't feel anything Oh no I could feel everything But you couldn't Nobody told me about, no, I could feel everything. But you couldn't. Nobody told me about dermoplast spray, which is like the numbing spray. Nobody told me about that.

I literally learned about that like a year ago. And I'm like, what the fuck did nobody tell me about that when I had two kids? Yeah. Yeah. Well, you know what? For all those would-be kid havers, put that in your hat. Yeah. There you go. You get a peri bottle and you get a dermablast and you get some adult

diapers. You found out about it a year ago and you've been using it ever since. Yeah, I know. I gotta make up for lost time. Spraying down there. Spraying my bits down. Yeah, your nethers. We were talking about cooking with barbecue sauce. Yes. Yeah. I meant to

ask, have you, and forgive me if I've asked this maybe every episode we've recorded since we started. Have you done any fun cooking? Have you, like, had. Made a thing you never made before. Yeah, or something you're like, I always wanted to make this, but I never had a full day to cook it, but now I do. No, I haven't uh you know i've been cooking more but yeah nothing nothing that you do something exciting uh more instant potting things oh yeah we've been using

that more and more just like really pressure cooking the heck out of a bunch of eggs yeah a dozen eggs or a pork shoulder. Yeah, why not? It falls off the bone, am I right? Mm-hmm. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631.

That's 1- Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. He didn't even have to look it up. I did, I did. I looked over there. Oh, you totally disguised it. I thought you totally knew it by heart.

No, no, no. No, no, no, queen. These, I think a couple of these are over-dreamt. Okay. All right. Because we were getting pretty thin on her. Hi, Dave and Graham and delightful possible guest. This is Lan from Philadelphia.

And I just got back from a grocery trip outside. And it's pretty grim out there. But I had one little ray of sunshine today while there was a guy at the subway stop kind of wandering around, mumbling to himself, as you do. But he looked at the billboards that were there at the station. And there was a McDonald's one. And he kind of hummed to himself the jingle, but he went, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, oh, hamburgers. All right, that's all.

Off I go. Yes. Oh, hamburgers. Way to just improve it a thousand percent. Well, I always sing the Alec Baldwin, ba-da-ba-ba-ba, Dominios. It was like an SNL skit from so long ago. Yeah, it was the original Alec Baldwin doing Donald Trump, but it was actually Daryl Hammond.

Oh, well, there you go. That's how long ago it was. Okay, next one. I think this is an overdraft. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Jim in Massachusetts with an overdraft. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests. This is Jim in Massachusetts with an overdraft. I was at some sort of natural history museum in an amphitheater where they were giving a lecture on something. And mother and father with their small child were trying to go in.

The father didn't want to, and the mother was trying to get in. And their two- or three-year-old child who was in a stroller just said, Dad, Dad, it's okay. Dad, we should just go in. I'm pretty drunk, Dad. We should just go in. And I thought that was funny. So in the dream, I tried calling it in to you guys. And instead of getting a voicemail, you kept picking up the phone because there was some kind of party going on at your house

and then you'd pick up the phone and say, oh, sorry, sorry, sorry, we'll let it go to voicemail next time and then hang up and then Graham would pick up and say, ah, ha, ha, we got you. Do it again next time. I never did get to leave that voicemail. Well, off I go. That's pretty it again next time. I never did get to leave that voicemail. So, well, off I go.

That's pretty good. Pretty good. That's pretty awesome. I did like that. Yeah, we're all having a party and the phone's ringing. You pick it up? Yeah. You pick it up. I don't know if it's the cops.

I do think it would be funny if I always had the option of answering these phone calls. We would be pretty sweet just one day. Yeah. Just pick up, hello. Oh, sorry, we're having a, and it's a phone answering party. Everyone's listening. Yeah, also it's like a pledge. You're on speakerphone.

It's a PBS pledge drive. We got a call! We got a call for joy. Oh, they're buying your mop. This lady wants to buy your mop. And now, here it comes, the final overheard of the week. I believe it's another Overdreamt. Hi, guys.

I just woke up from a dream where about three-quarters of the way through an episode, Dave, you got sort of very solemn and very matter-of-fact, and in the same way that you did when you were describing losing Grandpa. You announced that your dad had been eaten by a Komodo dragon. And it was very sad. You were the one who discovered it. Your dad was up late and

couldn't sleep and had laid down on the ground to stretch his back out and fallen asleep and a stray Komodo dragon that someone had been keeping as a pet came into the house and killed and partially ate him.

And I read I felt very bad for you. You were the one who discovered it. It sounded very sad. I'm like, you're still kind of processing it and trying to deal with it. I read a bunch of articles about the dangers of keeping exotic pets

and feeding them barbecue mostly was the issue. And then I texted a friend of mine and said, hey, remember that podcast that we listened to the other day while the

host's dad was eaten by a Komodo dragon? I hope that all your families are well. Thank you. All your Komodo dragons are fed they're better than that yes

oh my god that was amazing oh boy he just laid down for a second and stretched his back and it's because people have been

feeding this Komodo dragon barbecue um yeah this uh the fact like because Komodo dragon eating a person

would take so long yeah uh huh ask Sharon Stone's husband that's right oh yeah they can eating a person would take so long. Yeah. Uh-huh. Ask Sharon Stone's husband. Oh, yeah. They can kill a person. Absolutely. They're poisonous and vicious.

But just the idea of a Komodo dragon eating a person is the best. I'm just wandering. I'm picturing Dave's family home where it's like your dad's in the study just laying down and waltzes in. Chomp, chomp. There you go. in the study just laying down and waltzes in chomp chomp uh yeah it comes in from the barbecue restaurant down the street from memphis blues and then yeah it just starts the and it's also like where would the komodo drag like if it started at your feet it would take so long to eat the way up the legs or did you just bite into the meaty bits right away?

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, did you just start in the middle? That's right. Yeah, exactly. Go for the bread basket. Yeah, depending on how,

did he have the Elvis platter at Memphis Blues? Then he probably doesn't have a lot of room, but you know. Does Memphis Blues still exist? Yeah, I think the one

on Broadway closed. I don't know if the one on the commercial is still around. As far as I know, the one on commercial is still around. Okay.

Not anymore. Well, yeah, maybe not anymore. That's true. Because of the Komodo dragon thing? Yeah. Bad press.

Yeah. Well, I'd say this brings us to the end of this here episode. Abby, where can people find you online

if they're looking to check out all that you do? Yeah, what do you do. What do you do? What do I do? Not much. What would you say you do around here? Um, I play,

I played merge magic a lot. Um, you won't find me there. Um, I, I'm on Instagram, Abby Shumka. Yep.

I'm very active there. Yeah. Mostly in my stories, mostly of the children and other dumb shit. Yeah. Um, and then I'm on Twitter, yeah mostly in my stories mostly of the children and other dumb shit yeah um and then I'm on Twitter but it's very political

on Twitter Twitter's where I get my news yeah and I mostly just get angry about things and retweet I do jokes dumb things

and uh very sad and depressing things for me it's a mixed bag for me Twitter's about jokes mhm so I don't follow Abby no cause I'm I'm very serious and depressing and talking about very uh It's a mixed bag. For me, Twitter's about jokes. So I don't follow Abby.

No, because I'm very serious and pressing and talking about very deep and dark and meaningful. Socially relevant things. Society and, yes, in general. But if you want a good time, Abby, it's the Instagram Abby. Okay, Instagram, happy days. And you have a podcast that has not posted an episode in a very long time it was a good time the fashion hags talk about fashion industry and design and we have a back catalog of i don't know 100 episodes or so um well thank you so much for being our guest this is this is our first foray into having a guest uh remotely i'm happy this worked out this couldn't have

worked out better that was did you feel like we were ganging up on you because we're both in one window? Yeah, but also because you kept throwing that switchblade from one hand to the other. Yeah. Yeah, that felt very gang. That'll do it. I kept calling you bitch. Yeah, bitch.

Dave, anything you want to plug? Anything that's going on? Oh, boy. I just want everyone to go see me out on my bike doing tricks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. With Poppy in the back. You will cycle with your hands off of the handlebars. I haven't tried that yet. Oh, it's been a while.

I've never been able to do it. It's awesome. Never. I never had the guts to do it. Every time I see it, I think the guy who's doing it or the girl is super cool. And I love it. So this, you know what?

If you get out on a bike, try riding without your hands on the handlebars. It's a lot of fun. Yeah. That way you, and you can eat, uh, like a party tub while you do it.

Scotty Pippin style. Yeah. This was one six footer. I can't handle. I want to eat some with me, ladies. Have you seen my dildo mold? And as for me, as I've said on past episodes, I'm doing these beard paintings, selling them, throwing the money at some charity.

So if you're interested, you can find me at GrahamClark.com. There's all sorts of links. You'll be able to figure it out. It's a very user-friendly website. You're going to want one of these beard paintings. We have one. Yeah. And I wish we had more.

I should figure out something else that you can do for us, Graham. Well, I'm up to the challenge. Maybe a Komodo dragon. Oh, man. Eating Dave's dad. No. No. No.

I don't want my dad being devoured in any art in my house we're gonna give it to your dad no uh well thank you everybody out there for listening to the show uh we hope you're safe and sound wherever you are and uh close your door so don't come on dragon yes absolutely do a stretch in your back do a quick sweep yeah throw all your barbecue out. Don't just leave it in the compost. Yeah, look under all your couches and beds before you go to sleep tonight.

Make sure there's no Komodo dragons. And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.