Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 644 - Kyle Kinane

Episode Date: July 21, 2020

Comedian Kyle Kinane joins us to talk retirement, The Simpsons, and renting out a movie theatre. Plus, Erotic Thrill Month concludes with Basic Instinct. Plus, it’s week 2 of MaxFunDrive 2020. Support the show at maximumfun.org/join.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 644 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who shares my hate of the summertime. It's Mr. Dave Shumka. Look, I hate to be a traitor here, but we've had a very cool summer so far.

We have had a cool summer yes and it's uh it's i i did miss the sun it's back today and i i think i'm i'm about done with it so yeah well while i do i think i do like the sun more than you uh enough enough is enough enough is enough yeah agreed what is it the day after bastille day um it's also week two of the max fun drive and uh we'll talk all about that in a later later part of the show yeah yeah yeah this is the oh just a little it it taste this is when we ask you to support the show that's right um and our guest today a return guest to the podcast a very excellent and hilarious comedian it's kyle canadian hi boys hello hi kyle i love how canadian it was we don't like summer it's the day after Bastille Day. Who are these people? Who are you guys?

Your neighbors to the north. Closer neighbors now that I'm hanging out in Oregon. Oh, yeah. Let's get to know us. Get to know us. What brings you to Oregon? oregon uh we had an opportunity to leave the metropolis of los angeles to ride out uh the uh suspended demise of earth so we're doing it up here around some uh we got there's a redwood right in the yard that's pretty nice do you uh is there family there? Well, the Mrs. has family up here.

Okay. A family home that was vacant, so we got to kind of hang out here. Now, Kyle, you say the Mrs. Till whenever. Are you a married man? No, no. I think 43 Mrs. is the appropriate term instead of 43. Yes, yeah.

Sounds homey, you know? That's the Mrs. So you're in Oregonregon and you before the show we were talking about um conspiracy theorists and and how they've gained so much power yeah politically in our wonderful world um are there any conspiracies that you believe in? Well, you know, I really align it to the same. It's like the fans ruin the band. It's like, remember when Sublime was a good band and then you met a Sublime fan and you're like, oh, well, I can't wear this T-shirt anymore. Oh, that's who is the loud fans about this? I got to hide the foot I believe in.

Yeah, yeah. is the loud fans about this i gotta i gotta hide the foot i believe in yeah yeah i get mixed up you know comedians and showbiz stuff and so as much as like i'm like oh man these anti-intellectual conspiracy theorists are a bunch of nut balls i'm like yeah i also don't need actors telling me what's right in the world either like oh you live in fantasy land. Don't tell the rest of the world how it's supposed to work. Yeah. You haven't here. I mean that imagine video and how,

uh, just blatantly out of touch people are. I'm like, yeah. Okay. They're not good either. I agree with that. I agree with like,

well, we need to stop trusting celebrities. You should have never trusted them in the first place. Yeah. Um, yeah. And it's, uh, you know, like Alex well, we need to stop trusting celebrities. You should have never trusted them in the first place. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, and it's like Alex Jones, who he could just yell for an hour straight that you can't ignore him. Try to ignore him. He'll tear his shirt off.

He'll scream right into the camera. Have you heard the conspiracy theory that Alex Jones is just Bill Hicks? Yes, yes. And that is an excellent one. That one's pretty fun. Have you heard the conspiracy theory that Alex Jones is just Bill Hicks? Yes. Yes. And that is an excellent one. That one's pretty fun. My favorite is that Katy Perry is grown up JonBenet Ramsey. I do like those ones.

Yeah. Yeah. But I can see Bill hicks being a rascal and also what is this uh scourge of libertarians becoming comedians like why why does every libertarian think they're funny just because they're funnier than their conservatives that they pretend not to be is the law the laws of humor don't apply to them they don't follow any laws yeah you don't need a license to be a comedian no my comedy club is also a gun range it's also a greenhouse for marijuana and that's how i want it i'm starting my own state no borders get my own money um how is it up in uh oregon, is it, you, you said there's a red wood outside.

Is it very woodsy where you are? You climb it? Uh, no, no. It's big, big, fat, big round, big around. You can hug it. You'd look, you'd look pretty silly. Um, it's, you know, it's like this, we're like 15 minutes outside of Portland. So it's purely suburban, which I think if I hadn't, you know,

been like a quote unquote made it, or at least I think I made it as a comedian. Some people are like, you're fucking didn't do shit. I'm like, I don't know. I tell jokes and my lights, my lights stay on because of it.

And I think that's success. I don't need, I don't know how much more I'm supposed to want. Yeah. No, that's a very zen way of looking at it. I have to be zen. Otherwise, it's just very materialistic, and I'm just pissed off about how much other comics are getting. It just angers me.

So furious. Yeah, it's... These fucking guys getting their Netflix specials. What about the kid? But so that's why I think I can enjoy the suburbs. Right. If I had never tried to pursue my dreams and was stuck in the suburbs, I might be miserable. But now that I'm like, oh, eventually, if the world doesn't implode, I'll back to my life and yeah and then it's not and we still have an apartment in la we're just kind of riding things out up here but it's nice it is a dairy you got a couple dairy queens to

choose from nice i don't know if you guys have dairy queens up there we do dave's favorite i'm on the record that that is my favorite restaurant. Whoa. Full stop. You are grill and chill. You're not just chill. Yeah, I'll go to the brazier, but I'm mostly chill. I love the chill so much that it compensates for a lot of the fact that I probably eat the hot food once a year. You don't like summer. You eat hot food once a year you don't like summer you eat hot food once a year are you

are you a reptile is this the conspiracy that the reptilians are actually just podcasters i eat dairy queen hot food once a year okay all right okay all right that was i was like man are you all right yeah yeah and uh. And I don't like the sun. I just, there's a big light bulb in my enclosure that I, that I'm very fond of. Now, Kyle, the last time you were on the show, uh, you revealed to us your dirty little secret that you love RZ cars. I was in the midst of it back then, huh? What's new?

Well, they're all back in LA. I didn't have enough room in the regular full-size car to bring them up here on this trip, so I might have to go collect some. I really went off the deep end with those things. You know what it is? I got more excited to like find them on ebay and then fix them right and then they once they're fixed i'm like this isn't any fun you know i'm like uh i'm like a girlfriend who dates musicians oh once once it's all

working the right way i got no uh i got no need for them uh how do you fix them up like what condition do they come in how do you fix them up oh just all their little pieces break all the time especially the way i don't drive them very well right they just crash i crash them and then they break and it's like oh i get to buy more little tiny parts it's yeah it's a it's a a true retiree's hobby, which since I'm mostly retired. Now, that's something that I know that you've said on Twitter, and I sent a message to you being like, what do you mean you're retiring? That was an option in all of this that you can retire? Yeah.

So tell me what retirement is like. Well, I'll say this pandemic hasn't been as bad as it should have been. Well, you know what it was? Well, I'll say I didn't. I owe banks no money. That's good. That's always a great start. Yeah.

I don't. I don't. Yeah, I don't have payments on anything. Like, anytime I see a comedian doing, like, a crowd work tour, I always laugh because I know deep down it's like, you comedian doing like a crowd work tour i always laugh because i know deep down it's like a you're not doing a crowd work tour you're doing uh oh i just had a kid and i don't have a new hour yet that's what you're doing yeah oh man i bought a house because i was really banking on my future as a famous celebrity. Things actually kind of leveled off. Hey, who likes,

hey, what do you do for a living? I feel bad whenever I judge somebody who's a gambler because I'm like, what was this whole thing that you got yourself into, if not a huge, dumb gamble? Oh, every time my mom is like,

meet me in Vegas. Because, you know, in LA, it's only four hours away from Vegas. My mom loves Vegas. It's almost as far as she'll go to meet her son who lives in Los Angeles. And I don't gamble. And she's like, she can't understand. She's like, why don't you, you know, come on, gamble.

Let's gamble. I'm like, I gambled with my life. I moved away from my family and friends without any money to become a stand-up comedian. That was the gamble. And it kind of worked. So now I feel like I used up all my luck. And I don't want to blast away the last bit of it on a nickel slot machine. That's right.

So you're still waiting for one big last payout at the table. Yeah, yeah. This is it. I got it. I'll go do comedy when I need to do comedy or when it's allowed and not putting people in risk. You know, and it's that mix. I don't know how you guys feel about,

like, yeah, I would like to do comedy, but I don't want to do it if it would put people at risk. And also, I would hope that if I made the choice to be like, Hey, I'm doing a show that the people who like my comedy would be like, well, we're not going to come to it. Yeah.

That's a bad idea. Cause yeah. If you get one anti-masker in your crowd, you're like, Oh God damn it. I can't believe I appealed to this dude. Yeah. What have I been saying?

That makes you think like, I've saying that makes you think, like, I've had a few people that are like, you say to stop listening because I'm a Trump supporter, but you can't stop me from listening. I'm like, do you think you're winning by saying you're going to stay a fan even though I think you're a piece of shit? The mentality is phenomenal. Yeah, just like to spite you. I'm a spiteful fan of Kyle Kinane. Guess what? the mentality is phenomenal. Yeah.

Just like to spite you. I'm a spiteful fan of Kyle. Can I guess what? I bought three of your albums. Just cause you said I wouldn't. Oh, all right. I guess just to burn them.

No, to listen. Oh, that's worse. I wish you would've just burnt them. Now you, you, if I'm not,

uh, incorrect, you have a new album out, you, if I'm not, uh, incorrect, you have a new album out. Yeah, it's coming out, uh, next Friday, the 24th,

24th of July. What, what number is this of, uh, albums that you have? I think I got an, I started with an album and then three specials. And then a half hour, two half hours.

It's a lot, man. It's a lot. That's a lot. I'm not going to say it's quality that runs through it, but there's quantity. There's. Yeah. If you like comedy and you feel like listening to eight hours of it, you'll find something. You'll find a joke or two that does, I think, appeal.

I think would appeal to you yeah that's uh patience that's a lot of material like do you ever uh go back to one of the early ones and just be like oh god damn it why did i commit this to i do every single one every single album like yeah but don't i also think like shouldn't a comedian do that shouldn't every comedian be like oh i grew yeah as a human being and my perspective changed but like musicians aren't allowed to do that musicians when they you know somebody goes to a rolling stone concert they're like play that song from when you were 18 years old yeah oh hey down. Mick's got a new one. Have you heard Mick's new hour?

No, he's doing a solo. He's just going to go out and... He's doing crowd work. Uh-oh. It's because he just had a kid, even though he's 97 years old. That's right. I feel like, didn't Tony Randall have a kid when he was just like years away from dying? Yeah. Right?

Like a kid at 72 or something? Well, that's not a great description of young fathers. Was it Tony Randall? That's quality obscure knowledge there, Grant. Yeah. Maybe Larry. Did Larry King as well? Or was he just having new marriages? Yeah, maybe Larry, did Larry King as well, or was he just having

new marriages? Yeah, he was always having new marriages, but I remember it was a big thing when Tony Randall was a new father at whatever it was, 78 or some crazy number. One of the horror stories that people were telling about what's a Playboy guy?

Oh, Hugh Hefner, Hugh Hefner. Hugh Hefner. You know Howard Hughes. I always mess up my H's. Yeah. Horatio Hornblower. Like just the stories about him like, hey, time to sleep with all my playmates.

And they're just covering his rotten egg of a body in lube and just thumbing whatever part would fit into them. I was gonna just say he was like a goblin, but your description of him being a rotten egg is pretty fantastic. There's this

humpty dumpty that didn't get put back together just kind of swept up into a pile. He's like, when people are like, last one in the pool is a rotten egg, he was the last one in the pool. The grotto, it's the grotto. He's at risk of falling, so he's always the last one in. I remember when he died. That handicap lift takes a long time to send somebody into the fuck tub that they have at the Playboy Mansion. They gotta get the crane to drop them into it when you move to la where you're like i'm gonna i'm gonna hang out

at the playboy mansion oh well that's everybody's dream isn't it you know what i'm you know i'm just gonna go show up there i bet i bet they're not too strict on those uh those parties yeah then now it's it's open because he's not there anymore. He can't control who comes in. He was the guy in charge of the invitations. Now it's just everybody can just pile in there if they want. Just his old dry tongue licking the invitations.

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha! I know when Hugh Hefner died, the big thing that literally thousands of people tweeted was like, oh, he's going to heaven, but how will he know

the difference between heaven and his life? And I was like, he's probably not going to heaven. If you believe in that, I don't think he's going that way. Oh, God, I didn't know heaven had James Caan slapping so many women around. He's not even dead. He just comes up there Oh, God, I didn't know heaven had James Kahn slapping so many women around.

He's not even dead. He just comes up there to make you feel at home. Yeah, I forget that James Kahn was a big... Bill Maher, also. Big time guest at the... It's all the best people. When you see... Doesn't Bill Maher go to the fetish balls,

and he's just like packed into some latex t-shirt like like a rotten egg like like of all like of all the examples of what is horrible about like like if you saw a conservative with like a trump 2020 mega hat and an ak-47 bill maher and like a latex shirt is just the other side of that disgusting coin yeah it's like the the what uh what do they call it horse shape politic or horseshoe politics yeah where like the left the far left and the far right are actually closer to than they are apart i like uh horse horse whatever you said horse size politics that's uh that's the politics yeah horse shape politics long neck beautiful tail yeah strong legs

i heard a thing that horses are very good at disguising their injuries because of the old shoot them up thousands of years the glue factory because of thousands of years of being like uh prey on the savannah or whatever or whatever yeah wherever yeah wherever horses are from uh that they just had to pretend that they weren't hurt did i i had a different overheard for this episode, but I can throw one in now. Okay. Because it pertains to this. Because I was at a bar in Denver with my girlfriend. Sorry, my missus.

And we were talking. It was years ago, so she's my girlfriend now. We were just talking about horses. I don't know why. Just at the bar, shooting a shit, talking about horses. And a gal next to us go like said what was she goes oh they horses die all the time because they can't throw up so it wasn't it wasn't even overheard it's just this stranger told us because we should you know the reason they die all the

time because horses can't throw up so i don't know you knew that. Do you know who it is that dies because they can't throw up? Rats. That's why rat poison works, because they can't spit it out once they've eaten it. Is it? It might be true of horses as well, from all that horse poison. Yeah, that's true. The early days of horses. I got horses.

I got to put out some horse poison. Your yard is infested. When they get in the walls. You ever find a horse in your basement? You can't get that thing out. Not in one piece anyway. They're huge. I don't know how it gets in there,

but then there's just a horse. That would be great if there were like, if horses were pests. If you just open your pantry door and it's a huge horse head, you're like, what, logistically this doesn't make sense. Or just like, like you know 10 pounds

of horse manure like oh we got horses yeah there's horses down here they're in the crawl space you can hear them flip flopping around the house so loud up in the attic so loud we actually have to poison the rats and the horses eat the rats it's the only way it works no nobody can throw up each other and it's it's messy but it works have either of you ever uh rode a horse no uh yes and and credit to the horse we got it was rainy and on like a wet muddy slope and that horse sturdy i didn't know what i was doing but the horse was like i'm not trying to fall yeah and slid slid down a hill with me on it and i think we went into some water i think it was swimming with me on the back of it holy horses yeah man that's some good horse uh where was this this was uh years ago down in georgia and a family family with some property down there that had they had horses and that's

beautiful yeah they had horses couldn't get rid of them how about you graham uh when i was a kid we went on uh some kind of to a farm you know when you're like a kid and they send you out to a farm to learn where milk comes from or whatever oh did you kill a cat what did you do why did they send you to a farm graham what did you do did you burn down a church what happened it's uh like what are the top 10 juvie crimes oh top 10 i mean uh metalhead days tried to burn down a church they sent me to the farm pickpocketing uh oh yeah stealing lip gloss porridge porridge theft porridge theft absolutely porridge heisting Oh, yeah. Stealing lip gloss. Porridge theft. Porridge theft. Absolutely. Porridge heisting.

Porridge heisting and hoisting. Don't forget about porridge. Hoisting. So would you ever go on a horse again? I guess the follow-up question. I just don't think that horse wants me there. No, I've always thought that. Why did horses, like cows just ended up being able to hang out.

They never had to have anybody on their back. Why horses? Why did that happen? You see people on horseback enough to where like, oh, look, you fit. That's just a big old meat bicycle. fit that's just a big old that's just a big old meat bicycle but we went we went to the horse track a couple years ago because i'm like ah that's kind of fun you go to the horse track it's pretty setting and we'll bet on these horses and because i'm you know i'm naive i'm like man i bet you these horses since they win money for people they're real nice to them and that's yeah they are not they're not treated like prize

fighters it's not uh no it's not connor mcgregor getting massages and eating pate on his time off and then if you saw that there was a like a hot tub at the just beyond the finish line there's a bunch of horses hanging on the hot tub that's as disturbing i'm a professional horse masseuse what full full horse massage takes about six to seven hours it's a big animal you got to get in there i basically just wear hockey goalie gear because you know you don't know when they're going to kick and the uh yeah they really like after the horse race the jockey gets to celebrate a bit. The owner gets to celebrate a lot. And the horse is just like, can I go put me in a trailer and take me home?

Yeah, yeah. And I stopped going. I loved going to the track. And I was the same as you, Kyle, where I thought, hey, you know, these are the top of the horse game. And then somebody let me in on like, oh, no, these are, they're worked to almost death. Yeah, because you see people that own horses

and they're always brushing them and doing all this stuff. And two of them died just at the races that day. Like one died and we're like, whoa, what a horrible, exceptional accident. And then like 20 minutes later, another one died we're like whoa what a what a horrible yeah exceptional accident and then like 20 minutes later another one died we're like let's never come back here yeah to this faces of death live oh my god so much just why did i bet on this one was called dog food why did i bet on this one this one's called taking a knee for the insurance. Oh, no.

Have you ever been to a rodeo? Have you ever seen a rodeo at all? No, I feel like there's a little more. That is the most hillbilly thing. Besides moonshine out of a jug? Yeah, marrying your sister. That's just a Desperate Times kind of measure. Yes, yes.

No, just the idea of like, I bet you can't sit on that horse. And then the guy's like, I can sit on a horse. And then they're like, yeah, but we're going to tie its balls up. And then like, oh, why didn't I ask more questions before accepting this bet? Well, now let's go out to drink somewhere that has a simulator. Yeah. A mechanical. I was making a joke about how I, because I'm pretty much, I still eat seafood, but I'm pretty much vegetarian and then also how I like I want to go to vegetarian restaurants that still

have Big Buck Hunter at the restaurants just so I can still get like the farm to table experience when I'm eating my seitan pork tacos and I can feel like I also claim the animal myself What's it

like up around near Portland right now? Are things things open is it people kind of getting back to a bit of routine or is it complete lockdown oh well i mean if the routine is to constantly be at war with the police every weekend then yeah i think that's they're pretty much locked into the routine up here uh portland portland's got a bit of a Paris vibe in that they're the first to take to the streets and protest over, for the most part, what I feel are just causes. So that's been going on a lot there. We're in Beaverton, which is just a delightful, quaint suburb

just outside of Portland. And we're not trying to go out. We just started going to the store maybe a month ago. Oh, really? As opposed to getting groceries delivered. Yeah, yeah. And we went. There's a bar restaurant here that had tables out in the parking lot. So we did that one night.

And it was kind of like, all right. I mean, I'm not desperate for this. Once I heard that the definition of an introvert is not that you hate other people, but just that your energy gets spent being in... I'm like, oh, that's what's going on. Yeah. I'm an introvert. Yeah. So this is great.

When did you discover this, that you were an introvert? I think I just didn't understand why if I couldn't uh well introvert or alcoholic let's go let's let's just figure it out today guys this is where i wanted to do it that's a good vent venn diagram well if if like i showed up to a party and wasn't hadn't drank or wasn't drinking and tried to be in a social environment i would like you just get real close to having panic attacks and start freaking out for me it was as as a kid i was like uh i remember my sisters used to love talking on the phone and like the idea of the phone the phone ringing and having to be the one who answered it gave me such anxiety yeah but at least you have a podcast with over 600 episodes yeah where i'm like i talked to two people at a time that i know their screen wasn't freezing you were just like i gotta go i just i just want to listen

um yeah graham are you an introvert i think i am yeah i uh have you done the myers-briggs test to find out your four letter code oh yeah but i don't remember i think i'm a milf i think that's what it manipulator well it's funny because i if you love her if you, I did it when I was like 11 or 12, there was like a class we took where we got to do it. And, uh, and now if you look up your, whatever your four letter coded is, it'll be like, here are some historical figures who probably were, you know, INFP. That's me. Yeah. And it's, uh's like Kurt Cobain. I just was thinking

it would be terrible if it was like Genghis Khan and Adolf Hitler. Joseph Stalin. All these guys either killed themselves or should have. Actually, that's what I named. All the tracks on my new album are all like the Myers-Briggs personality types just because

I hate naming jokes. I just pick something that's going to make it difficult for someone to find the bits. Like they've either been like I did Ingredients of a Hot Dog or I was taking track names from other albums. That's pretty good. Yeah, my first three albums were cheap trick kiss and nwa oh nice and then finally a legal department's like you can't do that i'm like i just did it for three albums yeah get sued where where were you guys like uh i think probably a comedian's already done it but i always thought that it'd be funny to pick a famous album and call your album

like the white Album 2 or something like that, just that you've made the sequel. Yeah, Eric DeDorian did it with Bruce Springsteen's Nebraska. That's what he called it? Was it Nebraska? Was that Bruce Springsteen? Yeah.

It's just called Nebraska 2. I love it. The same cover. Didn't Dennis Miller have the Off-White album? Oh, yeah, there you go. Before Dennis Miller really lapsed into the conspiracy. What do you mean? No.

He's better than ever. I remember seeing him. No, I'm talking about his new album. I've stuck with him. The guy's got some. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw him in Vancouver at the Aquarium, and it was the least satisfying celebrity sighting of my whole life. Was he performing?

Yeah, he was doing the whale show. Electric eel. I don't know. Not too exciting for me. Yeah, this whale is jumping through here. It's like Genghis Khan on the first day of easter this electric electric eels running on renewable energy not a lot of oomph he does what he does like it's hard to replicate what he does he's got you guys you guys are doing okay yeah but like, yeah, yeah. That's right.

Yeah, I do not have the intellect to confuse all of my audience. The only, like you've gone into Portland, I assume, while you've been there or not at all? No, we've gone into there a bit. There's, I don't know if you guys have been to the United States in a while, but on top of everything else that's horrible, homelessness, which will become rampant, what with everybody losing their jobs and not getting any assistance from the government, is already horrible.

Most of the park space in portland that we drove that we drove by was occupied in la where we left was getting you know worse and worse yeah it's getting it's getting uh pretty gnarly and yeah portland itself was i know some of the comedy clubs are opening back up i was kind of like on the fence about going to like if i because only because i'm a comedian i could be like i'm not gonna like sit at one of the tables like i played at the club i'm like i want to see what it's like to find out if or when i go back to work if this is okay like if like i was saying before i don't want the audience to be like we're not gonna fucking go in there yeah everybody's doing the six feet distancing i want

to see how clubs are handling i kind of want to get my own experience to see how they're handling if i go in there i'm like no this isn't good at all i'm not going to start booking shows well our friends in winnipeg uh we're doing shows and they because the whole province of manitoba has like four cases yeah yeah why is that? Because you guys handled shit? Or is it because there's also swaths of land between people? No, it's a bit of both. Yeah.

And most people in Manitoba all live in the one city, Winnipeg. And there's a lot of arm room there in that city you're not there's no hustle and bustle you can easily walk downtown and not encounter a person for blocks so it's great yeah oh wow i love it there but uh yeah they've had only minimal cases and uh i know that we're only allowed to have 50 people in an indoor space at one time. That's kind of our rule. Has anywhere opened up here? Comedy-wise?

Performances? How many people can you fit in a Dairy Queen? Can you fit 50 in there? The one I go to is really small. You can just bombard the Dairy Queen? Yeah. There's maybe one you could pack with 50. I was in Montreal during the festival one year and we went to a dairy queen and to see a worker at dairy queen.

No, he has to turn the blizzard upside down, but just hated his job so much and did it with such attitude. It was like, you don't believe me. And then turned it like he was just just like you could tell it was gonna be his last day but i'm like come on man puts a smile on people's face yeah yeah fine and did it turn upside down and you could tell he wanted it to fall out it won't it's a blizzard thick like a

frosty um dave what's going on with you man well speaking of um uh horses uh the other day margo was very excited she got this idea in her head that she wanted to watch the simpsons margo's five okay and i was like yeah i wish you would watch the simpsons but like i i mean it started when i was nine or so right so i i wouldn't expect you to get it and and even then i would have to start you with the the early episodes where they go to church all the time and they're crudely drawn. Yeah. Yeah.

But I was looking through what episodes would be good for her. And I was like, well, maybe the one where Lisa gets a pony. Oh, yeah. Right. But then I think we went with a different Lisa one. Lisa, the beauty pageant. Then we had to explain to her what smoking was. Your kid has to find out at some point.

Really trying to shelter this kid. Yeah. Well, it really is weird. Like watching a 30 year old, even a cartoon and being like, well, uh okay i guess i need to explain the references to you yeah in a way that's like okay you've maybe she's seen people smoke who's mike dacocas right and then you have to figure out that how do you break it to her that guy is i feel like if i still see somebody smoking i'm like wow yes look at you go it looks like somebody has arrived here fresh out of a time machine and the first thing they did was like oh good i'm here i'll smoke and it yeah

yeah that was a rough that was a rough trip i need one of these oh hold on a second you can't do that yeah i'm impressed i'm kind of like impressed when i still people like i see somebody smoking a cigarette i'm like look at this last yeah it's like somebody with polio like oh those are those i thought you guys weren't around anymore like somebody somebody you can tell you about world war one or something yeah you're like the you're like one of one let that like tortoise that's been alive for 200 years or whatever. Yeah, let it smoke. Yeah. I remember when the first car came through town and it hit our

only horse. So our town was immobile for weeks. Well, I mean, yeah, we needed to have bum rides off the car then. That's how Winnipeg formed. Now we're stuck here. Alright. Guess we'll fuck our sisters and have a rode then. That's how Winnipeg formed. Now we're stuck here. Alright.

Guess we'll fuck our sisters and have a rodeo. We can't get anywhere. No, the horse is dead. We can't have a rodeo. Well, I meant the cows. That's when people, well, you know, the bulls. Yeah. How many things did they ride in a rodeo to find out which animals would make the cut? Horses. How many animals

got auditions? Horses, got audition horses both sheep and pigs are they uh they ride pigs uh yes yeah i mean not all the time but yes there's sheep and pigs i've seen pig races where they uh like they're they're not ridden they just race oh maybe that's what i think of maybe they just race but for sure the sheep thing can you ride an ostrich you you better before you die that's on your bucket list it's not about can it's about will yeah uh i don't know but yes you've never yeah i just yeah i want to know the red bull fluke of rodeos. What animal were people coming in with? I imagine like a cannonball run-esque global contest of people showing up with their own animal to rodeo. I think the best would be somebody who showed up with a really giant bird that can achieve flight, and then it picks them up in whatever talons it has

and spins around inside the rodeo circle. Oh, okay, okay. And it's, you know, how well trained is your bird? Can it spin around for half an hour, or are you out in two minutes, you know? Yeah, I'd say shark on a go-kart. Not anything in a go-kart, Kyle. Well, the shark's out of water so it's panicking hence the difficulty

yes but it's just on land it's not doing anything you got to get some wheels underneath it i think it'd be easier to ride a shark on dry land than in the water yeah that's true well no that's what i mean it's like you take it out and then you put it on some sort of wheeled mechanism so it's writhing would create the difficulty. Shark in a go-kart. Two bits. Are they doing Shark Week this year? I feel like Shark Week is never a set holiday.

I feel like it's always kind of a floating No, yeah, it's 40 days after. Pardon the pun. I think it's a floating occasion. Oh, God. Alright. it's it's 40 days all right pardon the pun i think it's a floating occasion oh god all right um i haven't done stand-up in a while guys yeah you got that new album that's got that floating joke on it it sounds good i don't even know what's on the album record that shit a year and a half ago um uh yeah so i've been uh trying margo's been wanting to get into the simpsons

i would love her too i still think it's too early though and she has cousins who love it and but it's weird it is that sort of thing of uh where as a someone born in 1980 i take this ownership of it where uh and like i have nieces that like it, but they don't know the difference. They think the new episodes are on par with the old ones. Yeah. Yeah. Do you remember watching something as a child that you knew was way too old for you?

And for some reason you still were like, well, I like when that guy's there and I like when this character shows up. Murphy Brown. Yeah. Oh, Murphy Brown. Wow. I did not this character shows up. Murphy Brown. Yeah. Oh, Murphy Brown. Wow. I did not know why that was funny.

Seems to win a lot of Emmys and my dad likes it. Yeah, I think it was funny because it was on after Cheers, maybe? Yeah. No, that was Wings. You know why Wings is good? It's because it's on after Cheers and your parents are still letting you watch TV that's why you laugh at

wings because if you don't laugh at wings they put you to bed 100% of TV is as a kid you enjoy it because you are being allowed to watch it yeah exactly I remember still to this day anytime

mash comes on I'm like it's time for bed. Time for bed. Or homework. It was always like, boy, we're staying up late. This is awesome. Then if MASH came on, you were just sad you were awake. MASH was like that, and the other show that was like

that for me as a kid was Evening Shade. With Burt Reynolds? with Burt Reynolds. And, uh, I remember the evening shade. What was the one with, uh,

the dude from all in the family? What was that? Oh, in the heat of the night. There we go. That's what I'm saying. Oh, really?

Okay. I never knew. Yeah. In the heat of the night and hill street blues. These were all things that I was like, the, not for me, man.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I don't want to, why are we, why are we being sad? TV's on. Why are we we watching sad thing on this thing that's supposed to make us happy yeah this joy machine is remember how we were just laughing at this instead of having to talk to each other through dinner and now we're

gonna be bummed out this is why are we doing this why is it gritty i love that it's uh called a joy machine that's uh could be applied to so many machines but tv is the winner uh what's going on with you graham um this week uh was uh a friend of mine's uh birthday and his happy birthday happy birthday uh his girlfriend for the birthday rented out an entire movie theater and uh 15 of us went into this movie theater and watched a movie so everybody was so spaced out that it wasn't a worry whatsoever and what um what does it cost to rent a movie theater i think at this point in time very little yeah yeah how many episodes of evening shade did you watch you gotta see it on the big screen guys i rented a whole movie theater we're just watching

yes um yeah it was really cool and they had all sorts of product uh protocols in place uh like you had to buy your snacks before you got there together couples could sit together and then everybody else had to be spread out so you had to buy your snacks before you got you like you bring your own snacks no you you would order them oh and then your snacks are ready when you show up and then you just go right into the theater because the movie theater up the street is still open selling popcorn on uber eats or whatever yeah um so what movie on uber did you say on uber eats yeah like you could just order movie popcorn to your house yes yeah i wonder how many orders a day they get probably a few for sure like there's enough people that are like i miss

that taste of thing you know i was gonna say i want to make fun of that right away but also i'm kind of like that pretty cool but is do you think movie theater popcorn is that different than every other popcorn it's more butter i think is the thing and salt like it's just every if only there was a way to get butter into your house no uber but you know exactly how much salt and butter you're using when it's your own salt and If only there was a way to get butter into your house. Uber Eats. But you know exactly how much salt and butter you're using when it's your own salt and butter. It's just a pump dispenser. You're like, it's bottomless.

I want to see this popcorn float in the bag like ice in a drink. That's how much butter I want in there. What movie was it? Well, it uh determined by vote by everybody was there and the top uh votes were for mamma mia so we watched mamma mia in this theater and you know what as far as a group movie it is the perfect thing because everybody can yell out whatever they're thinking and it's not going to ruin the plot. What, uh, the, so the, did the birthday boy not

get a veto opportunity? How far Dave just sunk into his chair to discuss Mamma Mia. Oh, guys. The birthday boy didn't know that it was happening. It was a complete surprise,

which is also the, one of the only times in my life that I've been part of a surprise party. Was it, how was the movie chosen? Like, were you given an option beforehand and everyone had to, to, uh,

like where they told you like, these are 10 to choose from or. Yeah. I think it was like, these are the movies that you can watch. How bad were the other ones? No, all the other ones were good. Surprise! Surprise!

It's your birthday, we're going to get you into an enclosed space, and you're going to watch Mamma Mia! Yeah, it was bizarre because I'd never seen Mamma Mia before. What did you vote for? I was not paying attention. It was rough choices. Schindler's List. Killing Fields.

Yeah, I did not vote. I did not realize there was a voting mechanism, and so I did not cast a vote. So you have no right to complain. No, not at all. You're right. And so I did not cast a vote. So you have no right to complain. No, not at all. You're right. That's right. I didn't vote.

I can't complain. What did you think of Mamma Mia? You got to see it on the big screen. Here's the thing. It is, you know, the plot that they've constructed between songs is the worst thing ever. between songs is the worst thing ever like the the plot that they figured out how to weave in these songs into is abhorrent it's terrible but the songs are good and at one point pierce brosnan starts singing and everybody in the theater laughed so hard because he can't sing at all but he has so many numbers in the movie it's insane now the plot is that uh meryl streep

is a mama and she is the mother of amanda seyfried yeah and she is uh there's three possible daddies and they are pierce brosnan colin firth and Stellan Skarsgård. Stellan Skarsgård, yeah. Pretty good. Yeah, that's really good. Pretty good memory for a movie I haven't seen. I've never seen it too, so I shouldn't be making fun of it, but come on. No, you can. You have license. You know somebody who has seen it,

so you're allowed to make fun of it. But it's a lot of fun because everybody can yell stuff out and uh make fun of the movie the whole time and it's you know it's not a painful watch you know what i mean the people at the movie theater like super grateful to have you did they did they fall all over themselves no not really okay they hugged each and every one of us and walked in whether we liked it or not i will say that is one of the better experiences in life is if you go to a movie because there's this edit this you know this unwritten etiquette that you're supposed to follow at a movie theater

which for the most part people do but then there's some movies where they're they're either super fun movies where like you're supposed to laugh and be or be scared or something in the theater yeah and that's okay or where it's somehow figured out by everybody in the audience that you're watching such a horrible movie yes that it's gonna be okay to make fun of this movie yeah and it take it does take one brave soul to be the first one to mock it but then once that guy does it like that's the checking the temperature and if everybody laughs like oh we're fine we can all laugh at this movie did you see cats i would like to see cats i wish i would have seen cats in the theater

yeah that was i think that that would have been one of the uh the i think when i it happened with the movie 54 when i saw it yeah and it was just not good it was like a packed i think it was like a christmas time show we were all at and it's packed everybody's like post christmas drunk or whatever and then somebody went like he went to make out with the lead character the two main characters right when they're about to make out after some horrible line some guy just goes, this sucks

the whole theater was like, it does, it does suck we can laugh at this now and it just broke the tension for everyone to have a good time you don't want to do it and be wrong, but what a great feeling. And then for it to be just your friends to sit there and make fun of a movie, that seems like a great time. Yeah, and I nailed the first joke of the proceedings.

That it was the first thing that you saw was was the lead character walk walking to mail off letters to her dad and i just it wasn't even clever i just said this is good and everybody blew up i remember i saw i i think it was uh final fantasy the spirits within an animated like a computer animated movie and you first hear alec baldwin's voice off screen and then like he's a spaceman he's you know uh they're on mars or whatever i don't know and uh you hear his voice off screen and then the camera cuts to him and animated him and it's it's like they just did a video game version of ben affleck's face and just the moment this this character's face comes on screen the whole audience

laughed at how much it looked like ben affleck that's come that's like that's like shared experiences that's so that's that's community that feels yeah absolutely i saw i think it was the day after tomorrow whichever one were the the ice was the enemy right yeah yes yes like the freezing of the earth but there was some scene where they had to like escape wolves yeah that's right and they're they were behind a door and the wolves were on the other side of the door They were behind a door and the wolves were on the other side of the door, but they were whispering their plans and somebody yelled out, yeah, because the wolves might know English. Oh, yeah.

Good stuff. Let's have a fun time, everybody. We spent the money. Let's get our money's worth. Yeah, exactly. Well, should we get down to a little business? Well, do we want to talk about this week's movie? Oh, yeah. Sorry. Oh, my gosh.

My apologies. We got movies? Yeah, we were speaking of movies. Dave and I have been participating in a, basically a book club, but movies over the weeks to have something to talk about and uh the last couple of weeks it's all been 90s uh sexy thrillers yeah erotic thrillers yeah okay

all right not necessarily 90s because we watch fatal attraction that's right how much bruce willis penis did you see this week uh sleeping with the enemy no no not sleeping with the enemy single white female yeah uh unfaithful with richard gear and then yesterday or this week we watched basic instinct yes oh class which mad magazine did a spoof of and called basically it stinks yes i found the wikipedia page with all of the uh mad magazine spoof titles that's amazing and it is it's the most important page on the internet is it i feel like it was made fun of in the simpsons but was there a point in like just mad magazine where like this is for me and your child and you're like yeah, who were they writing these things for?

I don't know. Like, it was never funny. It was just kind of like... Mad Magazine, it's like when you see a right-wing meme now, you're like, I get, I understand the joke that you're making, but... Right. And I know I'm being blasphemous by saying this. Isn't that how Mad Magazine just felt all the time? Like, ah, I get it.

Yeah. I would really, I didn't, here's what I liked. I liked Spy vs. Spy. Yeah. Okay, sure. I liked the Fold-Ins. Yeah, the Fold-Ins were great. I don't think I got most of the spoofs because I hadn't seen the movies.

Oh. And. The artwork was silly. I like the art. Yeah. Yeah. And I loved the like little ones, the little cartoons between the margins. Oh, Sergio Argonas. Yeah.

That I think Mad Magazine was a thing like there were magazines for kids, but this felt like you it was for kids, but it was packaged like it was for adults and so i think you thought you were getting away with something by reading mad magazine yeah it felt like kind of naughty hmm cracked magazine was like a little bit raunchier yeah a little bit but still like they cut a few corners yeah anyway so we watched now your source we watched uh basic instinct and i graham i have an idea if we ever want to start our like a side podcast that's just us watching erotic thrillers uh we could call it los horny boys. I like that. Have you seen this movie, Kyle?

I, if I have, it's been a couple of days. I think I saw it at an age I probably wasn't supposed to. Yes. And now I don't know if I could look at it without imagining Sharon Stone's vagina just going, Newman. sharon stone's vagina just going newman so i i don't know if i could watch it and appreciate it for what it was meant to be yeah at the time it came out in 1992 and it was like i remember this was the most horny thing in the world yes to me yeah so he was also new let's take a minute he was still newman in 92 He was still Newman in 92. He was Newman in 92. He got hired like, you know who we need for this role?

The guy who plays Newman from the side show. And then Steven Spielberg was like, you know who we need for Jurassic Park? Newman. So it starts... Graham, do you have any memories of it at the time? Yeah, the big thing was speaking of

mad magazine there was like some naked gun-esque movie where they had a character and then newman was in that as well was it national lampoon's loaded weapon yes that is exactly and there was maybe uh an actual beaver yeah smoking a cigarette in the chair in the interrogation room did let does leslie nielsen did he die not knowing he made comedies no he was too aware of it by the end he was like was he okay yeah he was he would play it up he stopped being a straight man in them i think yeah he started like doing cross-eyed things again hitting the balls oh yeah it's a yeah um yeah so the basic instinct was yeah that was if you saw that you really were getting away with something as a oh man it was like it because we would like my friends and i would be able to like rent a movie kind of like well sure we could maybe rent porkies

sure the idea of getting a copy of basic instinct was unheard of yes yeah that porkies had way more boobs in it than basically i mean basic instinct just has the two well no i guess it's got four boobs total yeah four boobs total but they're throughout and it's just really like i give this movie four boobs 13 year olds reviewing erotic thriller it was just like look at all these bouncing boobs and porkies but this this was like this is erotic yeah this is uh yeah and like you're gonna learn You're going to learn some things. It's directed by Paul Verhoeven, right? And he also directed Showgirls, right? Showgirls and Total Recall and Starship Troopers. Yeah.

He's the best. He's the best and he rules. But the thing I noticed about this movie and Showgirls is that it seems like the way that the women are having sex was choreographed by somebody who's never had sex ever in their life yes sharon stone had sex in a way where her it's like she has a finishing move like she's a mortal kombat character where she she leans back does a like extreme backbend, and then suddenly comes forward, which if she's holding a weapon, she's going to kill you. But otherwise, it's just one of her sex moves.

Is that the director going, hey, listen, ladies, I don't want to tell you how to do your job, but none of the hookers I pay to fuck me ever look like that, so let's get it on the game. He's trying. So it starts, Sharon Stone is having having sex you think it's her yeah he's got her hair over her face in a way that's like well uh i don't want anyone to see me having sex in case they know i'm a murder suspect yeah that's right and uh right away we meet uh michael

douglas well let's talk about this sex. Oh, yeah. It's an erotic thriller, Graham. And then she kills the guy with an ice pick. And also... Spoiler alert. Well, scene one. Spoiler alert.

It's also my other note that I have here on my phone. Also, it was very awesome. phone also it was very awesome i think i think four months into quarantine people are hitting their basic instinct yes i'm like well i guess we could watch this i haven't seen it so spoiler alert for anybody who's planning to watch it basic instincts sometime soon uh yeah exactly uh so yeah uh michael douglas is the cop investigating Sharon Stone is the suspect and then Gene Triplehorn is Michael Douglas' beautiful therapist

yes yeah and here's the thing I had seen Basic and Sick probably maybe like four or five years ago and I didn't remember anything that was going on but as soon as they introduced her character i was like oh yes i remember how this ends i had never seen the whole thing i had seen bits and pieces of it i think that's what i've seen i

don't think i've seen the whole thing uh so she sharon stone is a super she's super rich yeah her parents are dead they died under mysterious circumstances right and she's written a novel about a rock star who is killed in bed with an ice pick which makes her also a suspect but also that's her alibi they bring her in for questioning she shows her vagina to newman that's right hello jerry the one thing i liked about this more than the other erotic thrillers is that this seemed more like a movie. Like the lighting was really cool. Like, yeah, normally if you're like interrogating someone at a police station, it doesn't look like super awesome.

Yeah, that's true. This was very like shadowy and spooky. The music was good. The other ones we watched felt more like movies of the week. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And like, you know, even though I knew how it ended, it was put together well enough that I could watch it again. I mean, sure.

Did I fast forward through all the driving scenes? Absolutely. There's so much so many weird card chases that doesn't need it's that's it seems very like an afterthought yeah yeah yeah yeah and so michael douglas is a guy he's you know on his last leg as a cop he quit drinking he quit smoking and then suddenly sharon Stone shows up and he's drinking and smoking again. I gotta start all this stuff again. And she, the notable thing about her is that she takes out a block of ice to give him a drink and starts hacking it to bits with an ice pick.

And it's the craziest thing in the movie. Is it, having only seen a couple snippets and what is it like a good bad movie yes like is it like it's like a self-aware like this is ridiculous have a good time she's a very um kind of over the top character yeah and showgirls everybody makes fun of because it's just bad but you really thought they were making basic instinct when they made showgirls sure right that's that's fair yeah and it's uh yeah like uh like i say it was plotted fine it wasn't like there was huge parts of it you're like oh boy this is boring because there was always the promise of sex throughout the whole thing there was no point where i was like well that's enough sex for this movie yeah there was there was more and more yeah he he finally he's obsessed

with her he follows her to a dance club and then they go and have sex uh he does the thing that gives him throat cancer that's right smokes more cigarettes um and he katherine zeta jones just showed up for that part um he uh the my favorite line in the whole film is he says after he slept sleeps with her he says i thought she was the fuck of a century and i don't know if that refers to his own personal backstory or like yeah the maximum hot 100 yeah exactly anyways she comes home to him and he's like hey she comes to his place and he's like let me make you a drink he's now into ice picks yeah he also has a giant chunk of ice and he's doing the ice pick thing where do you even get the big chunks of ice it's the inconvenience i know was there not ice trays in the late 80s come on we only had ziploc

bags get an ice to get her an ice tray that would be like the end of the movie i got you an ice tray it seemed like pretty awkward way they're make it a slippery mess over here with this and then uh the uh the other guy who gets killed is also from seinfeld george's boss mr kruger gets killed that's right kruger gets killed really yeah and i think there's a third guy that's from seinfeld the balding guy jerry seinfeld was in this movie the whole jerry seinfeld he plays a bumblebee um and then uh yeah the ending is very unsatisfying yeah spoil it it's they they explain everything in a very satisfactory manner and then it goes on for 15 more minutes

yeah yeah and they had one more thing that you're like wait so if that was wrong then 50 other things have to be wrong i'm not prepared to do like to undo all the investigating they just did yeah um but yeah overall fun watch fun watch i would. I would put it in the four we watched. Where would you put it? Well, I think Fatal Attraction was my favorite. Yeah, me too. And then. That's Glenn Close and.

Yeah, and Michael Douglas. Michael Douglas again. Then I would say. I'd put this second. Yeah, I would put this second. And then i think i would put unfaithful over a single white female all right yeah do we want to what do we want to do uh next week which may or may not be recorded in 48 hours um i said uh because i know you're busy that we should do a movie that's a dad movie that Dave

has already seen. Like a movie that your dad alone would enjoy. Like Das Boot or some shit like that. Wow, Das. Speaking of things that I watched and had no idea why. Das Boot. Yeah. As a child, I'm like, ah, submarines.

That's crazy. It's like a boat and would what just in german with sub time like no idea but remember das boot yeah i've never seen das boot but but i don't know if uh so we're doing dad movies yeah your idea is movies for dads yeah movies for dads because i know that you enjoy them well how no wait so what how what are the blocks that you're doing like you did a month of 90s erotic films or just basically yeah and our first category was uh bradley cooper movies that's how we started this whole thing oh there's a few there's some good ones of those i like we didn't watch any of the good ones we watched one good one that's right stars born was good and then the rest of it was uh oh it was a swamp yeah but dad movies oh i can so uh the when graham suggested this to me off air

he mentioned the movie bridge of spies starring tom like a dad movie. Basically any 21st century Tom Hanks movie. And also like... I feel like any Tom Clancy movie. Yeah, Tom Clancy's a good one. Probably something called Breach of Perimeter or something. Or any baseball movie like Bull Durham

or Field of Dreams. So what would be one... Yeah, think of like dad comedies dad dramas dad erotic thriller like yeah now there's subcategories under dad movies like what's dad watching when everybody's asleep basic instinct for sure okay let's watch that again let's watch basic again um let me just look up tom hanks movies 21st century well i think the perfect example from last year was ford versus ferrari that seems like a thing that oh yeah that was the number one did you do you want to watch that uh yeah is it on any of the streamings or well yeah i guess you could get it on demand what what my favorite move my favorite movie ever and because i think i did

see it in the theater when i was probably i must have been nine years old when it came out, was Raising Arizona. Oh, yeah. Is that a? That's a Coen Brothers movie. It's a Coen Brothers movie, yeah. But I think my dad always worked midnights, and then the rare occasion that he would like, my mom would like, do something with your children during the day he's like well all right we'll go to the movies but we just see something he wanted we wouldn't see a kid's movie so i saw raising arizona it was like and then i know and i and then i know for a fact on my 10th

birthday for my birthday he took me to see revenge of the nerds 2 for your birthday and then we walked we got back home my mom was like was there any kind of sexy stuff in it? My dad was like getting something out of the fridge. He goes, ah, wet t-shirt contest. I'm like, that's all. Like, no big deal. Wet t-shirt contest for the kid. Okay, Graham, here are some suggestions.

Okay. Oh, these are all so good. Okay. Charlie Wilson's War. Captain Phillips. Oh, yeah, yeah yeah bridge of spies sully the post oh yeah the post yeah uh what's the one where he's like um he's kind of trying to find the Da Vinci Code. Yes. Big. It was big. Cast away. We will also accept. He looked all over.

He looked over that whole island. I'll also accept American, no, National Treasure. I think of that list, the one I want to watch is Captain Phillips. Okay. I thought you were doing, is it 90s for any movie? No. We just switched to dad movies. Yeah, it's just all dad.

Oh, not 90s. Not dad. Oh, okay. Because I was going to give you Hunt for Red October. Yeah. Yes. Hunt for Red October, I would like to see too. Any James Bond movie.

Yeah. Probably figure out your dad's age and then figure out which James Bond movie was popular when he was 32. That'll be that whichever actor, whichever actor, when your dad was 32, whichever actor played James Bond, any of those movies.

Yeah, that's very good. I think hunt for red October is a very good suggestion. I say we start with that. Okay. So that's our first one. That's going to be the first one. We're throwing

the other ones to the whatever so yeah they'll come back okay so uh because we know we're gonna be recording next week's episode in two days i vote that we do not uh listen to or that we do not watch a movie between now and then sure and uh how many eyes do we have i have any names no motion passes we will we will give it a week and then we'll watch the hunt for red october do you want to move on to some max fun drive business yeah hi everyone it's max fun drive time hi hello thank you for listening to the show and getting right to i assume you skipped ahead to the max fun drive content yeah yeah yeah uh look um and i'm getting right to the content too look guys uh here's what is important. You need to support us. Yeah. No.

Guys, what's up is it is MaxFunDrive time, four weeks this year where we ask you to support the show and help us make it. We get a lot of messages from people telling us how important the show is to them. And frankly, this show is is uh well it's getting harder to make yeah yeah exactly especially during this point in time uh it's yeah it's crazy how much dave works on the show graham works very hard too he has to find the guest and tell them that they need to record themselves. But yeah, this whole network is listener supported,

which means that we're free to make the content we want because people like you contribute. Yes. And at the end of last year, we said we didn't want to do any more sponsors. We wanted to just be entirely listener supported. We didn't want to do any more sponsors we wanted to just be like entirely listener uh supported we didn't want to do any more ads and then um everyone lost their jobs yeah yeah that's right uh yeah so we know that this is a this is a particularly tough time to be uh doing a fun drive but uh if you're flush if you're in the uh category of people that are doing

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pick your gifts. At $5 a a month you will get all of the bonus content bonus episodes from the last 10 years of the max fun drive we've got some doozies yeah absolutely yes we had one where we uh did a backwards episode we had one where we did all over her so we had one where we did all of our segments yeah and then we did a where we did all of our segments. Yeah, and then we did where we played a game of Trivial Pursuit. And then we did a live reading. Then we were the card guys. Yeah, we were the card guys. So there's so much.

And that's just our show. Every show's bonus content is available to you at $5 a month. $10 a month. You get that pin. Whatever pin, enamel pin from whatever show on the network you choose and a

MaxFun membership card. At $20 a month, this year's special gift is a MaxFun game pack with a custom dice set and custom playing cards with MaxFun designs. Nice. Is the king Jesse Thorne?

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slash join to become a member. Thank you so much to everyone who already gives. Yeah, thank you. We very much appreciate it uh thank you for listening through uh this pitch and now off to some overheards overheard overheards a segment in which if you're lucky enough in these days and times to overhear something hilarious you send it to the podcast. We all appreciate it.

And we always like to start with the guest. Kyle, would you lead the charge? Uh, I will, uh, given that overheards are a pretty limited happening. Yeah.

These days, what with quarantine and such? Yes. I think this kind of somewhat qualifies given the the extenuating circumstances we're all in. But we've been watching this TV show called Alone, which takes place in the great white north of Canada. Oh, yeah. Right.

I don't know if you're familiar with it, where like 10 contestants are stranded with their own camera gear, and they have to last 100 days and they'll win a million dollars. And they just have to survive. They're dropped off with 10 items of their choosing. They got to survive. Whoa.

And they're alone. Hence the title. It's a great show. It pertains to my interest of being an armchair survivalist, which is not a survivalist whatsoever. If you have an armchair to sit in, criticize those who are eating squirrel intestines. But me and the missus, we both like it.

And we had the Apple TV here, and we were trying to find it on what service, because we just got set up in the new house. And so she did the little microphone on the Apple TV remote and just said alone into it. She's like alone. And then Apple TV responded with, are you? And that was, it's not necessarily an overheard, but quite terrifying.

Yeah. Also, one of the biggest laughs I've had in all the quarantine. But very, very scary for the robot algorithm to respond with are you and so that's that's my over that's fantastic very good doesn't quite fit the parameters i know no it does we're best we're all it fits the parameters there are no parameters we're bending the rules and also there's no punishment for breaking the rules. That's right. Yes.

My overheard is an overseen. So last week on the show, we were talking about the website Wikifeet. Yes. Quentin Tarantino's favorite website. Not F-E-A-T, huh? No, no. It's not where you try to find out about accomplishments. Hoping for something wholesome.

No, it's about feet uh you look up a celebrity and they tell you what their feet look like the answer is always bony um but i went there no pudgy flippers on that side huh when when i went to the website to look there was just like a banner at the top and it said uh hey everyone i'm thinking of creating a wiki feet dating app but i'm not sure how to make it appealing to females here's the second draft following your input do your feet get positive attention do you enjoy a good foot massage do you find people who are into feet quote unquote not creepy join wiki feet dating

yeah everybody gets in on the dating game and then two days later i was like i don't have an overheard oh maybe i should go back and use that wiki feet thing as my overheard. And they had changed it. Third draft. Here's the third draft. Here's a new draft, slightly different direction. Tired of dating people who are not into feet? Mm-hmm, yes.

Got sexy feet and looking for someone to give them the attention they deserve? Got sexy feet and looking for someone to give them the attention they deserve? Want an awesome story to tell your grandkids on how you met your significant other? Join WikiFeet Dating. Nice. Really overwrote it. No, I like the second draft. He's married to the three question format. And also, it's just like, for people who love feet, for people who have feet, and it covers all the bases, you know?

People who are in love with feet and people who have them. The fetishization, you know what I'm saying. Getting horny for feet. I get the erotic zones, but why feet? I think. Why does that get the attention versus elbows i think because feet are always covered up so there's like there's more elbows not if you're wearing a t-shirt then you then you get to see lots of elbow believe you me elbow wiki that's this guy's site

you guys are all yeah you guys are all anti-summertime. There's people out there cruising around in flip-flops just giving chubs up and down Main Street out there not knowing what they're doing. Giving chubs. Fucking strutting in some Chacos. Getting all the fellas out. My overheard. Yeah. It's an overseen.

It's something I saw. I was passing by one of our city's last remaining video stores, and I walked past, and they had a rack of movies that were for sale, and I couldn't see what the movie was, but the quote that they had pulled from the movie was, highly erotic comedic fun. Huh.

So what would that, would that be American Pie or what would that be? Yeah, is American Pie highly erotic? I mean, no, it was lowly erotic. Yeah. But. Just a steamy. It's really, yeah. What is like a steamy, funny movie? steamy it's really yeah what is like a steamy funny movie well the 80s the 80s was when like it was just kind of tna with some one line that's true there was kind of a whole subset

of comedies that were i don't know borderline sexy i don't know if it was the onion or vice did this write-up i was talking about it a few weeks ago with someone about how there was this whole genre movies on late night cable like cinemax movies that involved there were action movies oh the sidaris movies the which one the sidaris not with an e not like david sidaris sidaris yeah and like a guy that just bought his way into hollywood right they were always like very augmented breast ladies like very large outlandishly like with camouflaged bikinis because you know that was the can and there was always remote there's remote control cars again yeah that's my fetish maybe something ties in there it was like babes bombs and whatever

yeah like beach assault seven buicks yeah when i was in a band we i was in a band called the screaming eagles and we put out an album and it was named after one of those movies it was called enemy gold that then they would always drive like a remote control car that had a bomb on it underneath the enemy's truck yeah or fly a plane into a remote control plane into it and then they would just be showering yes and then yeah because you had to take a shower after dealing with all that explosives yeah and somehow the the kid had found the hole in the shower every shower has a hole for looking yeah every they've designed a rear door back door entry into every shower you just need to hack your way into it. Now, we also have

overheards sent in by listeners from all over. If you want to send one to us, it's spy on MaximumFun.org and the first one comes from Sunny B in North London and he recently overheard a woman

get on my bus while on the phone saying, nope, no, i don't care if i see him i'm gonna run him over again and how can you stop me mom you're self-isolating oh yeah yeah it is the golden era of uh not having to pay any repercussions super villains are just getting away with it. How are you going to stop me, Superman? You're self-isolating. Also, who are you running over?

You're on the bus. Yeah, that's true. How do you run anybody over if you're on the bus? Or, boy, that's true. Well, if you have a horse at home. I wonder how many cars are getting rented at the moment. Probably a few, right? I guess so but all right

where they have to ask hurts yeah i don't see any commercials that are like uh we are disinfecting every car no that's true because you know they're not uh this next one comes from allison c from pei uh girl saying uh you know that song starts to sing, wake me up before you go, go. Who sings that? And a boy very confidently said, Oh yeah,

Michael Jackson. And the whole group nods their head. And yes, must've been, yes, just Michael Jackson. No, he did everything that,

that decade belonged to him. What, when are you going to teach Margo about Wham? We're starting with Katrina and the Waves. Oh, good story. Is that other fellow from Wham still going? Andrew Ridgely? Yeah, is he out there?

No, but I think he's doing okay. I think he got some writing credits for some Wham songs. Being the early act at a at a rib fest somewhere actually when i was in london last december i saw in he had a like a memoir out in the uh airport bookstore oh so i mean that like oh really there's an echelon of authors who get to the airport bookstore. Yeah, Tom Clancy being a big hitter in the old airport bookstore. This last one comes from Jeff T. in New York. I've gotten it overheard from a few years ago in the kids say the darndest things category.

One night my kid was just starting school. He was telling my wife and I about how awful the older kids were behaving on the bus. He said that they used lots of bad language and told us that he had learned the worst word. So we asked him what was the worst word. And he, he said,

she said, what's the start of the sound of the word? And he replied, and she figured she might as well say it. So she said, okay, say of the word? And he replied, phuh. And she figured she might as well say it. So she said, okay, say the whole word. And he replied,

phagina. The worst. Just the undoing and reeducation that has to go on for that kid. Hello, Newman. Yeah. Yeah, great stuff all around. Thanks for sending it. Yeah, it's the best word

because it has fudge in it. Yeah, that's right. Which you can get at Dairy Queen. Damn right. The best restaurant. Oh, man, turn that vagina upside down. Prove to me it's real. They're proving it's real?

Is that why they're doing it? This is not a black market blizzard. Turn that vagina upside to gina. In addition to overheards that are written in. Stopped early. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us,

our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod one. Like these people have. Hey, Dave Graham and possible guests.

This is Michael calling from Arizona. I have an overheard that I just found from last year. I was at overheard, but I just found from last year, I was at work, and a middle-aged guy who adores Star Wars was talking to a woman

who had only seen episode one. And he said to her, that little boy, that little boy in episode one, he becomes Darth Vader. And the woman goes, what? No way.

Now I gotta go back and watch them all. Anyways, love you. Bye. Because that wasn't implied by the first movie or the first second of the first movie? Yeah, by the poster of the first movie? He becomes Darth, wait for it, Vader. I'm on board with the guy saying this. I know so little about Star Wars,

and I truly do think that's a personality plus point for myself. Yeah, yeah, it's up there with... I think that does make me special. It does make you special. I don't give a shit about Star Wars. I don't own a TV. I've never seen a Star War. That's the thing. I love TV. I've never seen a Star War. That's the thing. I love TV.

I'm a big 90 Day Fiance fan. Me too. I tried to watch Lord of the Rings the other night for the first time and could not. There's no screwing around in Lord of the Rings, but 90 Day Fiance, tons of screwing around. It's great. Before the 90 days, oh, man. What a juicy piece of trash. The whole network is just 90 Day Fiance.

That's my favorite thing, taking over TLC in general. Yeah, well, because the other stuff was garbage that made me mad that it was on TV. But 90 Day Fiance, I'm like, oh, look at you. Who's your favorite? There's no favorites. Oh, I don't know. No, when you see somebody who seems like a real person you're like get off this show yeah better for yourself yeah exactly like i want to see any gal with the purple hair who is from australia like you're better than this you don't need you don't need this kind of turmoil in your life you seem seem like a fun youth. Yeah, and the lady she was paired with

was beyond the pale. She was a terrible, terrible lady. No, as soon as I go, well, I'm mostly a YouTuber. Strike one, two, and two and a half. I'm mostly a YouTuber. You got 30 seconds to redeem yourself, and she did not.

All right. Here's your next phone call. Hi, guys. It's Gary calling from South Pasadena. So I'm working at a camp, and I'm watching people do a craft. And the teacher talks about, just mentioned, just sort of offhand, that everybody has their strengths and weaknesses because, you know, some kids aren't as good as the cracks

and so she was trying to make everybody feel better and then one kid goes, I don't think I have a weakness. That's the beginning of self-confidence. Yeah. I haven't checked. I haven't been fully tested yet. If a child said that to your face i tripped them what i was gonna say like would you just hit them a little bit just to bring them back to reality right i mean like an arm wrestle i would

arm wrestle them because that way it's way it's like they have to consent. Yes, that's right. Arm wrestle is a good middle ground. See, well, you're a parent. I just box their ears real lightly. And that's why. I don't have kids, so that's why that's me. All right, here's your final phone call.

Hi, it's Trish calling from Calgary. Who's this? That's my mom. That's Graham's mom. Oh, really? Yeah. Alberta, an overheard from the walking pathway on Father's Day about an eight- or nine-year-old girl walking along with a man,

and she says, Dad, why don't you get married again so I can have four parents? Mom wants to get remarried. To which the father replies, Well, I do not. Love the show, guys. Yeah, four parents is more fun than two, I assume. Is it?

From a capitalist standpoint, it is. Oh, sure, yeah. That kid's just looking at a big Christmas, that's all. Yeah. Yeah, exactly. That's what I'm assuming is like Christmas, they feel bad about the divorce, so they're letting you get away with all sorts of things. Listen, I'm going to have to travel more on these holidays,

but the gifts will be fourfold, and I understand that. But then you end up with a four christmases a situation and then you have to watch four christmases on your dumb podcast i'll i'll bet you four christmases or what was the other one couples therapy oh yeah christmas with the cranks something where hot chicks have to be in bikinis but it also might be like funny adjacent that's a dad movie yes that's true funny adjacent is a good category subcategory two bro girls is on there's one tv for my mom that just has hgtv and the other tv is for my dad that just has whatever

channel plays two broke girls over and over again what do your parents watch graham um they love survivor and uh the one where they run around the world what's that one called amazing amazing race yeah they love it when i stayed with my parents in new york last year it was just msnbc 24 hours a day yeah there were anything my mom likes anything where an intelligent-looking woman is talking. Well, might I suggest two broke girls? That seems to be my dad's category. Well, that brings us to the end of the podcast here. Kyle, thank you so much for being our guest.

Man, thank you guys for having me. It's been a minute. Yeah, and you have a new album coming up very soon. What is it called? Where can people get it? It's called Trampoline in a Ditch. And it'll be on the internet. Okay.

You know where stuff is on the internet. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I've been to eBay. I know things. Find it. There's my name. There's a name of it. Look it up.

I don't know. Why do I have to have all the answers? It's not your job. Well, thank you very much. Thank you to all our listeners. Reminding you, of course, that this is MaxFunDrive Week 2. If you want to join up, go to MaximumFun.org. Unsure?

Yeah. Thanks, everybody, for listening. Yep. And unsure. Yeah. And thanks everybody for listening. Stay safe out there. Do what you need to do to survive this whole time. And come on back next week for another episode of stop by. Give yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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