Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 646 - Mark Little

Episode Date: August 4, 2020

Comedian Mark Little returns to talk milk, skipping stones, and buying ice. Plus, it’s the start of Dad Movie Movie Club with The Hunt for Red October. And it’s the last week of MaxFunDrive 2020. Please support the show at maximumfun.org/join.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 646. Stop podcasting yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, somebody sold him some flat alcoholic beverages, Mr. Dave Shumka. It's been going on for years at the

place by my house, but you roll the dice. Yeah. Sometimes you get a six-pack of flat vodka sodas. What are you going to do? Not drink them? No, that's right. What are you going to do? Take them back? Well, I guess I could put them in a soda stream.

Actually, that's not a bad idea. Can you soda stream beer? Yeah. Our guest today, a very, very funny comedian, a return guest to the podcast it's mark little hello hi how are you hi guys i'm doing great how are you doing i'm doing all right you know as it goes yeah it's going fine i've never seen your home graham so but i'm not really seeing it now either no that's what you that's all that i have i only have the one wall and then the roof and I've never seen your home, Graham, but I'm not really seeing it now either. No. That's all that I have.

I only have the one wall and then the roof and then the rest is just outside. Yeah, Graham lives in a music video set for a very sad song. Should we get to know us? Sure. now before we uh ask mark what he's up to we forgot to mention it's the last week of max fun drive so we want you to get down to to maximum fun.org slash join and just pound that button whatever pound that five dollar a month button give a pound. I feel like there was a first instance of this and it's escalated. No. No. Every week we struggle.

Yeah. Every year we struggle. So what's been going on with you during all this, uh, crazy weirdness? Me? Yeah, you. Oh, well, I don't know. I feel like, like everyone, it's just been a real roller coaster, you know? Yeah.

Yeah. Like the first two weeks, three weeks, I was like, this is great. I was like, but you know, um, you know, that twilight zone that ends with the guy who loves to read yeah and he's never had a chance to read all his books and then his glasses break and he's like there was time now so i felt like the first three weeks i was like oh my god everything's off plate. The hustle and bustle is over. I've been tricking myself into thinking I need to do all these extra live shows. I don't need to be doing that.

What am I gaining from that? Now I can focus on the work I really want to do and I can start to read books again. And that lasted for a bit. Yeah. You were like very, you, you let go of the rat race. You became a more complete person. And then you were like,

this is not what I like. Yeah. And then my version of the glasses falling off was depression. The emotional wellbeing glasses fell off and I just could, I, it took a while to readjust. Yeah. Okay. Um, what was the, was the uh uh instead of talking about depression let's talk about something fun um what was the life sounds like a man who's got nothing to hide

what was the uh like your greatest achievement in consuming media during this like during your phase of like reading and watching things did you read like a giant book or watch like oh my god ken burns civil war or did you just like read archie comics because that's still reading it's not as impressive but yeah that feels like a real like twitter self-help thing to say like reading archie comics is okay reading archie comics is self-care during this don't compare yourself um no i at one point i dove into two separate 800 page novels got about 100 pages into both of them and just stopped yeah like you're like a marathoner that sprinted out of the gates and then 100 meters like you're like a marathoner that sprinted out of the gates

and then 100 meters later you're like i'm feeling this yeah absolutely like sprinting in jeans no training just like signed up last minute are these were these like uh fantasy books no oh my god no i did try to read one of those too um but um no one of them was like that it was a dostoevsky novel that really overwhelmed me at a certain point and then another one was a book by uh ishiguro the guy who wrote well you know what margo mark that's it's a japanese book you can't read japanese yeah i mean i'm surprised you got that far you did you even start on the like you they the books go backwards there you probably you probably ruined the ending yeah that was the problem is that with my limited japanese i ruined

i spoiled it the ending for myself and then it was hard to care yeah when they translate japanese books into english they should still keep them backwards so you do have to read the words in the wrong order that would be great yeah it was too much did you guys try any huge projects i'm sure you've talked about this so much so maybe you don't want to talk about it again no i didn't i didn't really start like i didn't start anything that i couldn't finish my revenge and whatnot. But yeah, I don't think just like the days seem to go by very quickly in all of this bizarreness. So all of a sudden it just now it's July and now it's almost August.

Hey, I got I've never heard the word bizarreness before but i think i've got a like a new slogan for our show harness the bizarreness dave did you take on any big projects yeah i came up with a new slogan for our show yeah nice no i haven't been able to i don't think I've watched a whole season of anything even like, yeah, we, yeah, I,

here's what I started. Graham made me do watch movies for our dumb movie clubs. Yeah. Uh, this week it really backfired on me. I'll tell you that. Uh, I can't wait to talk about it.

Oh yeah. You guys said, here's the movie we're watching. If you want to watch it. And I made a very quick decision not to join you. Yeah, fair enough. If anyone isn't, you still have time to watch The Hunt for Red October before we get to that part of the show. Yeah, yeah, it's a quick, it's a quick, the minutes just breeze by in that film.

Yeah, it's a quick, it's a quick, the minutes just breeze by in that film. And so you tried to read a couple of very heavy books. Like, yeah, is that, are you a regular reader? Do you read novels a lot? I used to, I did like a whole literature degree, you know, like that was like what I was doing in my early twenties. And then I just just i stopped completely i don't know what happened but it's been like i feel like my pace has slowed down to like maybe a couple books a year sure it's really embarrassing so uh so it felt good to like start that again but then

the last few weeks it's kind of drifted away again so i don't know what feels like i'm going through like a ton of it's like i'm going through like a tunnel it's like i'm going through all these phases i'm like redefining myself every three weeks like high school so what like i'm gonna spike my hair i'm gonna be a spiky hair again who reads what phase are we seeing now what are you in the middle of i'm back to like writing like i'm writing all the time but which is always like a mixed feeling like i i i like it i love to write but then i also accompanying that is the like constant gnawing sensation that i'm not writing enough or i'm getting too distracted or whatever i don't know

you don't everything that you write doesn't have to be as long as these two books that you yeah no this is the bar now i realize things are like if they can be 800 pages they must be i'm throwing my hat into the ring what's the what would you say is the worst book you ever read um uh that's a good like i feel like it's interesting because i don't i don't read a lot of bad books just because i don't read enough books to read bad books right so like usually if i'm reading a book it's comes highly recommended from one source or another but every once in a while i read a real stinker um i just read this book called the film club okay that my my dad gave me this is promising yeah parts of it are so good

it's like really readable uh it kind of just flies by and it's about this it's this memoir about this dad who his son his teenage son drops out of high school or wants to drop out of high school he's struggling and then his dad's like trying to be a cool dad about it so he decides like okay i'm gonna let you drop out if you agree that you're gonna watch three like classic films with me a week at least like that's like you have to agree to that and that's going to make up your education and then also i'm just going to try and keep you out of trouble and hopefully you'll find your path oh wow what a punishment they laid on him for three a week yeah so i'm reading i was reading this and i was like you know it's a story about

a dad and his son and i like reading the little blurbs about the movies or whatever but then also sometimes i'm just not used to writing that sometimes just like sucks every once in a while like this guy would describe this his son's girlfriends and it would be like this is nuts, cause it was like, what was nuts about it? I don't know. He like brought home this like, like sexy Japanese girl. And the dad just kept like the dad who is the writer who is writing a memoir,

a public record of his thoughts. This keeps talking about how Japanese and sexy she is. And it's like, she's, this is, don't do this. You cannot do this. You don't have to.

You don't have to. I mean, that would be a very inspirational literature degree that you would get and it just says in the bottom,

you don't have to. You didn't have to go and do this. Anytime you write something, remember, there's options. You can do this or not. Just go and do this. Anytime you write something, remember, there's options. You can do this or not. Just completely not do that.

Are you more of a fiction or a nonfiction? I'm a fiction guy. I don't do that much nonfiction. I'm trying to educate myself on racial matters right now. So I'm reading a little bit about that stuff, too. You know, I'm, you know, I's holy shit and then he then he sighed heavily and please educate us yes yeah you know in the wake of everything i'm just trying to like well you know as everything's happening it's happening in the world right now i'm just like

i don't know i'm reading that book how to be an anti-racist that's a good book it's like it it's it's good i don't know i feel like i every book, how to be an anti-racist. That's a good book. It's like, it's, it's good. I don't know. I feel like I, every time I try to talk about it, I just feel embarrassed. It's not,

it's not the same writer who wrote this movie club book. Is it? Yeah. Okay. He starts out. Okay. Here's where I went wrong with the last. I really focused on her uh background way too much

um you went to school in halifax uh no i was with you guys i was in bc oh i did like an ma in halifax that's what brought me out there but i didn't finish it um and were you disappointed you didn't finish it or were you like that who gives a shit i wasn't at the time but now i wish i had yeah yeah it's funny i was talking to somebody the other night that uh dropped out of high school at 15 and never you don't they'll never check no job ever will check yeah you just said i've graduated high school of course and she's just their whole life she's been able to get by on. So why did I finish high school then? What was that about?

I feel like maybe because a few years ago, I remember I applied for a job with the police to be like it was in video editing. And it was like to do to like look at criminal video footage. And you needed to prove that you graduated from high school like you needed that was the only time in my life i've ever had to like track down my records other than applying to college yeah it's uh but i also wonder if you put a degree will they even check that at a job that's not police based or military maybe i don't know i heard that if you apply to be a police officer particularly an rcmp you have to like pass a drug test you have to pass a lie detector test you have to and then on top of a bunch of physical tests you have to be kind of

like wrung out of all the possible things that you could be uh which is sounds horrible that sounds like it's uh that's enough to make me not want to do it you know but then do they test you ever again or do you just have to pass the test once to get in yeah they probably never do it again because i uh you know uh we watched Basic Instinct a couple weeks ago. He was doing cocaine. Yeah, that's right. He was doing cocaine. Yeah. And you know, seducing the witness or whatever. I thought you were gonna say

and Sudoku. He was doing cocaine and Sudoku. Oh, if you haven't tried that combination, you haven't lived. I mean, I bet your Sudoku times would be great yeah you'd be really good at it yeah or terrible you'd be too proud also too cocky this guy was talking my ear off about sudoku that guy exists for sure we laugh about him like he's that's a, but that guy's out there.

Yeah, absolutely. It's the, you know, that's the butterfly effect. Yeah, it's the butterfly effect. Exactly. Somebody finishes Sudoku in one part of the country. Somebody does cocaine in the other part of the country. It's all related. Yeah, I read the first draft of that Ashton Kutcher script. They're like, we might need a bit more here.

I like that you call it an ashton kutcher script as if he sat down and hammered it out for someone who works as a screenwriter i have a profound disrespect for the screenwriting craft i don't know anyone who does it if you're not a writer director i don't know you and i assume and i assume the actors that write their movies yeah this was based on a play well i assume you then just put you know copied and pasted it into a screenwriting software and um all the shakespeare movies are just copy and pasted in. Did you ever write a play or anything like that in your time writing? When I was a really little kid, that was the last time I wrote a play.

When I remember being a kid and I wrote a play and it was exclusively an excuse to, I wrote myself as a character called the giant and the entire reason i had written this play is because i had learned how to sit on my friend's shoulders and we would wear my mom's trench coat and her big like wide brimmed hat and then we looked really good as a giant in my opinion and so i wrote an entire play just so i could play a giant and force my friend to be the lower half of the giant for rehearsals performances he was always covered by the trench coat oh wow that's i don't remember anything else about the play i do like the idea of a playwright who just writes himself like maybe a small role but it's like every actress in the cast has to kiss me.

Well, second I'm on stage. Did you actually put this play on? I, all I remember, like my only memory of it is rehearsal. So I, but I got to assume that we did.

I was pretty gregarious as a kid. Like if I set my mind to something, my parents were going to watch it eventually. Yeah. Yeah. So I feel like, I don't know if it was like a whole neighborhood production, but I do feel like we probably put it on for my parents yeah i in grade

six i remember i guess two or three of us wrote a play that we had to we ended up producing like in the gym and parents we did it at night and it was french and very heavily influenced by encino man you unfreeze a french guy which none of us had seen so you it was it was based off of the trailers for you know oh my god that's so funny um encino man's like a movie that i saw very young and then i haven't seen since but i assume it doesn't hold up in any way shape or form but i'm picturing i'm dave i'm picturing your play right now as just like the entire play is just holly shore reacting to a caveman on freezing and then a car driving away around on two wheels in a quick getaway yeah no i remember there were two cave people i think it was a cave man and cave woman and they um but it was just like because i don't know who polly shore is we

didn't have mtv or anything oh yeah that's true i knew i liked him. Yeah. Yeah. He was great. He had such a fantastic run of films. Like nobody else, like all, all crazy bad films. Oh yeah. Okay. You've qualified. You know what I mean?

Like he, but he made more movies than like Stanley Kubrick did. And he, he like, yeah. In Stanley Kubrick's defense, it's easier to do movies as an actor more of them in per year i feel like he's at very least a consulting producer that he gets he gets on set and he kind of just makes it up uh yeah i like this quantity over quality approach to film credits yeah yeah

like uh the guy from toronto frank d'angelo he oh yeah he's made so many movies that you can't not call him a filmmaker but that's true and he writes stars composes yeah i've never seen a single one have you guys yes i bought one uh but i don't think i saw it i don't think i ever watched it i saw i've seen several of them i've seen the sicilian vampire uh i saw the one that was just a straight up mob movie can't remember what it's called uh oh yeah and then i watched there was i watched about 15 minutes of one that was about a stand-up comedian played by frank d'angelo oh my god i love that so much yeah yeah that's the one i want to we do after we do uh the dad movie dad movie movie club we should do frank d'angelo movie club yeah my god if you really want our

guests to not watch the movie but he yeah i don't know too much about frank d'angelo i do know that if you if you write anything negative about him online he will find it yeah and he will threaten you yeah he will publicly threaten you um yeah. What does he threaten people with? I'm going to write a movie based on you. And then. Yeah. This is the last person who threatened me was a Sicilian vampire. Yeah.

That turned out for him. One time I went, I needed, there was like, I was going to see a movie at the bell light box in Toronto, which is like downtown. And I, I just wanted to eat or i was with someone we

were going to get dinner beforehand we didn't know where to go and we just like ended up in this restaurant and then started looking at the decor and i was like boy oh look it's like a photo of frank d'angelo oh look several photos of all these photos of are of frank d'angelo we're in frank d'angelo's restaurant and then i realized i hadn't even looked at the name of the sign when we walked in and it was called like forget about it i think yeah that rings a bell yeah anyway for people that uh i don't think have we talked about frank d'angelo i think we have in the past we have we do about every 50 episodes but if you're if you're new to the podcast frank d'angelo is a restaurateur uh talk show host uh director uh score writer star and singer producer yeah and and also puts

out albums and his the the way i discovered him was uh every week on uh hockey night in canada they would have don cherry doing coach's corner and like the most expensive commercial spot in the whole country is the spot between the when they start the theme song for coach's corner and when coach's corner starts and it was always this product called cheetah power surge energy drink and they were going to give away a motorcycle and it was frank d'angelo was is the owner of cheetah power surge yeah which is a great drink and i drink i give it to my kids yeah mothers yeah there's nothing negative on the internet for me about frank d'angelo

yeah don't come for me uh frank d'angelo but but I will add to that list of things that he's known for. Without getting too specific, he's also a criminally bad guy. He's a bad guy. There was an article about him in the New York Times. And it was basically the article was, how does this guy get famous people into his movies? Like James Caan was in one of them. And Margot Kidder was in Robert Loja, Margot Kidder. Like once he gets a famous guy, they're in all of them. Yes. And it's because he pays in cash. Yeah.

And they only have to come and shoot for like two days and uh because he's not giving them a starring role he's starring in it yeah yeah i was uh i know this guy who lives in hollywood who's like who's like he had created a show for abc about a sportscaster i don't know if it ever if they ever made a pilot or anything like that but they james conn was going to play the main character the sportscaster on this like perspective like series for abc and then all of a sudden they were like oh james conn's out and where did he go he went to toronto to do a frank d'angelo movie wow and that's what got us talking about like

truly how much money is he offering in a duffel bag yeah to just convince someone to give up potentially years of work to do the worst movie also yeah just like uh frank d'angelo doesn't know when pilot season is whenever he puts out a television show it's pilot season yeah he yeah he also hosted his own late night talk show on yeah like not on being frank talking frank being frank yeah being i know some comedians who did uh sets on being frank no way really yeah yeah i don't think i have ever seen the him do anything but just him talking is it yeah and it's filmed like in the back of his restaurant or something like that i think so yeah yeah is he doing zoo is he doing zoom shows during this like did he have to shut down the show i think he's doing cameos that's my question

oh definitely yeah and like i would i would get him to do it if he did it in character from the sicilian vampire that's it's a mob movie that takes place that has vampires in it that's the pitch yeah it's got it's got a lot of heart you know i've heard i've heard worse pitches yeah yeah we're now i'd say with in terms of frank d'angelo's movies what i always like to say is harness the bizarreness. Do you, you, you are a screenwriter or TV writer or a little bit of both TV writer?

Yeah. I would love to be able to write movies, but I don't know how, wouldn't that be fun? Yeah, it would be fun. There's a lot of books about how to do it, but I get lost in them after a first chapter. I don't understand yeah i'm into

dostoevsky's 800 page screenwriting manual it's too hard that's too much yeah i've read a couple of the books and i like them i like apply them to when i'm writing tv maybe to my maybe too much but uh yeah for some reason that like 90 page and up uh page count is daunting for some reason i mean i gotta uh again my advice for you would be cocaine yeah yeah yeah that's true let's not rule out cocaine and all this hollywood business you know what i mean yeah when i was reading when we did basic instinct and i was reading the trivia about it one of the pieces was that it was written in like a week yeah joe esterhaas yeah yeah and it was and he sold it for three million dollars and then wrote it in a week oh yeah but i feel like that's all screenplays isn't it like somebody gives you

an advance and then you put it off go and play street yeah i guess if you gave me if you get like if you gave me a one year deadline or a one week deadline i would still write it in a week you're asking other screenwriters what did you get for the climax what did you get oh man um you but you guys ever tried writing anything big and long any movie type stuff i i've written um you know like a synopsis of uh what it would be but it too intimidating to sit down tell me what the premise was the premise was about this vampire who uh joins up with the mom where is he from he's from italy okay just off the coast capri the caprizi vampire um all my ideas were stupid that's the that's that's the sum total of it i i came up with

ideas and then uh a year later looked at them i was like this is no good nobody can ever give us a stupid idea our listeners are in uh a very giving mood right now and they want to kickstart your screenplay uh yeah i had one your dumbest one only your dumbest one okay what yeah this was the idea oh man give me a second we'll circle back to this as i try okay my friend roger roger bainbridge is a very funny comedian here in toronto he like came up with a fake uh movie idea that was for frankenstein's trying to convince dr frankenstein to make a girl frankenstein so that they can get laid before they go to college or something like that and uh i i wrote him i was one of many people

who wrote him a personal message to say i genuinely want you to make that movie and he was so appalled by all of us uh that's so great yeah it's hardest to make real things yeah it is that is bad but it is i'd like to yeah i would watch it too it's so it's great it's that's not in the league of what here's okay here's a note that i made for myself that i thought would be a good idea for a movie it's a it's a horror movie ah yeah i know and it takes place at like a fire festival kind of festival okay so it's there's a serial killer loose in the fire festival and it's all these very rich people have gone to hang out and do coke and i love that that's a real idea is that okay yeah that's great all right i'll start writing it oh i gotta read a screenplay book

first then i'll start writing it yeah well, I got to read a screenplay book first. Then I'll start writing it. Yeah. Well, then that sounds like when you got to hurry to write, because it sounds like I can picture that being in my Netflix queue tomorrow. Yeah. Yeah, that's true. It's like an idea that someone's going to snatch up. Well, Pauly Shore has expressed interest in the project.

He's one of the greatest filmmakers of all time. I call him a filmmaker because he's yeah i guess he's made film citizen kane and jury duty i can't tell the difference yeah i love the end of citizen kane when he goes rose buddy i'll see you guys later yeah i gotta go wow like there could not have been a more perfect setup to give you had to stop myself from saying rosebud buddy it was too long yeah it would have been too long you guys ready to dive behind the joke are you guys ready to harness the bizarreness um it really sounds like an old like 90s nickelodeon slogan dave i'm into yeah yeah and it's uh you know what our show is mostly for kids

so i think yeah that's a way to podcasting yourself harness the bizarreness. 2021. Whip! Yeah. Splat. I remember as a kid going to a movie theater and them having posters for the movie Hook. And it was just a picture of a hook. And then it said, coming in December. And as a kid, I was like, what is coming? I don't, I'm unfamiliar with the world of Peter Pan. So, I was like like it's a christmas

decoration i couldn't i have you ever seen like a trailer of for a movie and you were like i hate i already hate this movie and then you see the movie and you actually like the movie. Has that ever happened to you? Oh, good question. Because it's definitely happened to me. I know. Give me your example. Mine was Uncle Buck. Because the trailer is abysmal. It makes it seem like it's this like, not endearing at all, just this wacky, horrible comedy where, even as a kid, I was like, I got to make a note not to see this.

Yeah. You thought it was two hours of him threatening the principal who had the mole. Yeah. And flipping over a giant pancakes with a shovel. Uh, what's wrong with that? I don't know.

That part rules. That part does rule. Maybe it was a dumb kid. I like to picture Graham, you as a little kid seeing him flipping those giant pancakes and just saying who is this for seven-year-old kid it really is like insane like what what are you what the i don't know i can't think of any you know what i you know what your um the hook poster story reminds me that there

was this like my mom taught at nwss new westminster school secondary school and there was this like program of students that she taught that was like kind of like man there's the right word for this and i'm not going to use it but it's like the bad kids you know they're like yeah it's kids having a hard time and like needing a little bit of extra attention um bad kids is so rude what a disgrace yeah would you say that they had criminal minds no what was the uh yeah dangerous minds i fucked up damn it start again criminal minds isn't that also a thing that's a thing yeah but my mom my mom like taught these kids and i kind of ran programs for them and anyway one of the girls who was having trouble at home ended up like living with us oh really yeah so like our basement which was kind of like where the tv room was all of a sudden half of it was like this teen girl's bedroom when i was like how old were you

i was like 10 years old yeah 10 or 11 um but she had this poster she had all these posters of stuff that was cool and foreign to me and i didn't understand make yourself at home yeah exactly tacking up posters is this cool day one we're going to the poster store there used to be a poster store in calgary. That's all they did. It was movie posters. Yeah, there was Poster World here. Really? Anyway, go on. Go on, yes.

Yeah, I remember some poster stores on Granville Street, downtown Vancouver really blew my mind when I was a kid. Yeah, exactly. Couldn't believe it. But she had the poster for Pulp Fiction, and I remember just staring at it and not understanding at all. Like what it was. What is this? What do they mean what is like what do those two words mean together like all of it was weird yeah it was weird yeah i still don't know what the two words mean in the context of the movie yeah yeah i mean it's kind of a pulpy

story yeah but like that's like calling uh star wars science fiction also like we're it's it's so ingrained in our brains and stuff but star wars is a hilariously bad name for a movie oh my god i love it star wars like it does sound like something. Truly, they don't do it. Stars don't even come into it. Yeah. Star Wars is really on the continuum of more modern movies like Bad Moms. Yeah. Yeah, sure.

Star Wars. A double feature of Star Wars and Bad Moms. Yeah. Thing descriptor. Yeah. Sex tape. Fuck buddies. mom's yeah thing descriptor yeah sex tape fuck buddies you know a movie that does a pulp fiction type title but then also turns it into a little play on words so you're having fun b movie oh yeah it's true yeah that's true and that what's about the most fun you had was learning the name of it

do you guys remember there was a movie about ants that had woody allen and i think arnold schwarzenegger in it and it's with his head yeah ants yeah yeah like it came out after a bug's life yeah it was like and you know who kids like that woody allen you gotta get a really neurotic kind of comedian in the mix and i think arnold schwarzenegger what was the what was a bug's life dave foley yeah yeah do kids love dave foley they do they love kids in the hall they recognize that as a thing they are yeah and they love dennis leary dennis leary is the grasshopper i am in

um well you know what we wish dennis leary well and uh he's the guy i'm afraid to piss off you know he's uh mark just to change topics for a bit it occurred to me last time you were on your overheard was um some uh basketball announcers oh yeah have you been watching any of the basketball now the basketball's back i am more i am mortified to reveal that i have watched almost every single exhibition game at least in part i feel like i've just come out of the desert and i'm just chugging water yeah and it's already gotten to a point where i it's not enjoy it's sometimes not enjoyable but it's like I'm just so fully like relapsed into the habit I, cause I'm

yeah I was like I'm against it, I think all these sports that were like we'll be back in two weeks and then we'll figure it out but it's been four months and let's just call it off but I'm still like well I'll watch it I mean baseball

that seems unbearable anyway. But basketball and hockey, I'm on board for. Even though I know, like, from a logical point of view, I'm like, let's just not do it. Yeah. And is it weird to watch the basketball with no crowd? No, it's cool. It's really cool. It's like in these, it's in a smaller, smaller well it's in the same size court but like where

there would be stands they've got like walls and screens now okay so it's kind of like watching like streetball or something yeah yeah it feels like contained and kind of neat uh i follow this instagram called house of highlights that in the uh off season always would show like just people you know work like professional athletes working out and like playing in these pickup games that just look so cool yeah and you hear like you hear more squeaking there's some there's like some surreal elements too where it's like they they try to pipe in fake crowd sounds but it's just like there's no they can't coordinate that to be reacting yeah to the actual plays so it's just this like wave of reactions that aren't necessarily associated with what's happening right and

certainly aren't associated with like who's the quote-unquote home team or the yeah for sure right it's very it's very like uh feels like dystopian in kind of a neat way i was yeah it's rollerball fun like knowing that they all might die i don't know it's um i was watching the raptors play the blazers yesterday and i just noticed that there was an ad for i guess the ontario dairy association and their slogan is milk up milk up oh. Because that's a play on what? Man Up. Man Up, sure. Milk is really in its, like, 40th year of just swinging for the fences with its song. Oh, yeah.

Do you guys remember the farmers rapping about milk? You remember that commercial? No. Please do explain. And also do rap. I can't remember the raps, but I do feel like it was at the height of bubba sparks maybe it wasn't totally a foreign concept but i think it was like the tail end of the got milk campaigns and they had worked through like the absurdity ones and now they were kind of into i don't know

what they were going for but it's a bunch of farmers in a barn rapping about milk yeah milk has been there through thick and thin um yeah like the the gut milk the mustache and uh what uh do you guys drink milk no no no i'm all i'm all in on oat milk that's uh but uh i'm i i we go through maybe eight liters of milk a week yeah and we did too when I was a kid and I, we just had milk all the fucking time, I guess. Yeah. Like it was,

I, and I love it. Like I don't drink it on it. So like I'll make smoothies and, uh, you know, put it in my coffee. Uh,

I have a bowl of cereal from that from time to time. But when it's like, when I want a glass of milk, damn, it's good. There you go. That's the new milk slogan. it's good damn it's good well i mean the new milk slogan is harness the bizarre yeah that's right i feel like um clockwork orange really did a number on milk that will not they'll never fully live it down yeah like seeing an adult cannot drink a glass of milk in public

and i don't know if they ever could but i've seen some old cowboy movies where i feel like there's a bit of milk being drunk or like not even cowboy movies like old film noirs where like the detective is ordering a milk because he doesn't want to get booze right now or something you would also that option just feels like it just looks psychotic to be drinking milk as an adult in public yeah like the 50s seemed like a time that because don't then they have like milk bars that you would go to that were like i think you're literally thinking of clockwork yeah maybe i'm thinking of a milk bar from maybe it is related to something they drank maloco yeah there probably were milk bars though you're right there was like a heavy like ice cream parlor emphasis in the 50s i feel dairy products yeah give me a milk

chocolate well i was just thinking the other slogans is like uh eggs was get cracking for a long time oh that's and then was there also beef there was something about beef i don't know it's what's for dinner it's what's for dinner. It's what's for dinner. That's right. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I'm a big beef. I'm a big beef singer. I'm a beef singer beef council do you think that they ever get

together and there's like a conference of all the different foods and they yeah they're just like asparagus is having quite a year um i uh i was on ebay headlines my search term was corduroy hats vintage canada and i wanted like something that had like you know uh expo 86 there's just any like yeah uh like some canadian slogan and i found a um like a flat cap uh that was corduroy that said get kraken eggs logo on top what do you guys think i shouldn't say for what i'm getting you for your birthday what do you guys think of the seattle expansion team name the crack yeah i think it's i don't like it what what don't you like because i i'm neutral on it i don't know i think kraken is like i feel like there's such a i'm i can't suss out exactly how i feel about it but you remember

kraken rum yes oh yeah there's like a certain like like uh yuppie meets nerd connotation to kraken as an idea that i just it just grosses me out yeah oh yeah yeah that that that does yeah that you really kind of put your finger on it in a way that i hadn't thought of it's also a creation that is like one guy created that right really i didn't crack him yeah isn't it like isn't it of philip k dick or whatever didn't he create oh really i don't know i don't know um but it would be like i know i know liam neeson released the crack that's right he released the crack and but it'd be like naming your team the scrooges i think it's not that's not a bad name if london gets a hockey team. If London gets a hockey team.

I love that the expansion goes all the way to London. It doesn't make sense otherwise. Every away game, people have to take a nine-hour flight. Oh, man. Oh, that is good. Dave, what's going on with you man well uh last week we recorded two episodes so we or two weeks ago we recorded two episodes yeah uh so i could go away and i spent the weekend or i spent the week oh boy time is uh slip it into the future yeah and it's a flat

circle we all know yeah time is a magazine and I was the man of the year. Congratulations. That year that they did the mirror one. You. That was me. You. So we went, Abby and the kids and I went, for another week to visit her parents on Gabriola Island. It was beautiful.

It was, like like super sunny uh her parents live near the beach and we went to the beach every single day did you do a like scissor kick off the end of the dock or what do you do no there's no dock it was like here's what i did the kids mostly went in the water and like collected crabs and stuff i uh it was like the nerdiest thing you can do at the beach i skipped stones yes every single day yeah and i would like i found the part of the beach where all the flattest stones ended up yeah uh and i would collect them and then the next day i'd be like oh let's see what the tide brought in today and some days i'd be good i'd go down in the morning'd be like, Oh, let's see what the tide brought in today. And some days I'd be good. I'd go down in the morning and be like,

Oh, the tide's too far away, but you know what? I'll collect some stones. I'll put them aside here on this log. I'll come back later and skip them. Oh, wow.

You made, you made a whole meal of skipping stones. I think I've only done it once and it was only to see if I could do it. And then I was like, this is not for me. And I walked away from it forever. And i could do like most of the time i do they don't skip or they skip once yeah and then but like i had a few like six or seven ones and then like they go really like a bunch of skips in a row and then they kind of just peter out and

it's like well that was like 10 in a row of it just like yeah flipping over itself yeah it's hard it's hard to count yeah and was were your kids impressed by this or did you do this out like out in private no they were they weren't impressed but i had to like but they weren't depressed they weren't depressed or impressed they were like not uh but buddy and margo was like how do i do that and i was like you can't yeah you have tiny five-year-old hands i i barely never be able to do this yeah it's like i can i still can't because you have to it's like throwing a frisbee forehand which i can't do right oh yeah no i when i see it i'm like whoa that's maybe i'll get into frisbee when i see somebody doing that but then guess what i do not um and the neighbors so the uh the uh abby's

parents live like above the beach and you walk down to the beach and the neighbors uh next door uh they are also on the beach and they have this dog named Millie who's like a golden retriever and clearly just had puppies because she had the biggest, milkiest boobs. And so every time we were on the beach

she would come over to see us just to get away from her damn puppies, i'm sure running down the beach in slow motion with her giant yeah exactly she had braids like boderick um and then she would just like come up to the house and try to and and just sit outside and like stare at us um please don't make me go back to my family yeah are you a beach guy at all a beach guy yeah yeah see dave dave's got it all lined up he's skipping stones he's uh he's seeing a dog on the beach these are all beach guy things oh yeah i like i can get into a beach i like i love to skip stones but

i feel like it is the stupidest activity that i get competitive about okay it's the number one least important thing that i attach my self-worth to in a sometimes competitive or even aggressive way and like and then also like if i'm skipping stones beside someone like all of a sudden i'm in my head about like trying not to seem like i care it's a fraud i know the connotations of the guy who takes too much pride in skipping stones and i'm so desperate not to be him that i feel like i become i feel like you're the michael jordan of skipping stones you work harder than everybody else. I would skip stones, and if I did a really good one,

I would look over at Abby, and she wouldn't have seen, because she's watching the kids, and I'm desperately facing the other way so I don't hit the kids. Oh, yes. Skipping a stone into your kid's face would be, oh, boy. That would be national news. And then sometimes she would see me do a good one, and it would be like boy that would be national news and then sometimes she would see me do a good one and it would be like well this didn't get me any goodwill either

yeah nothing i hate more in myself than like skipping a stone really well realizing that someone didn't see and being like well that doesn't matter i know what i did but then still feeling this small compulsion to tell them and then seeing the inevitable reaction of a not caring and b starting to wonder why i thought i needed to tell them that have you ever seen have you ever watched the uh world record stone skipper no i think he's japanese and it just goes and go and he's like yeah it just goes and goes and goes and it's unbelievable like it it doesn't even like it doesn't go up and down it just stays along the surface of the water for imagine imagine having just in general a world record. Wouldn't that be like that would be your conversation piece for the rest of your life. Didn't you guys just dream as kids of becoming the guy with the crazy fingernails?

Yeah. The only one who got like a picture in the book. There's a what was I watching? The guy has the world's longest fingernails. I think it was Jackass. And he like kept them in a velvet bag. And he kept them in a velvet bag. And he walked around with a velvet bag. And the whole stunt on Jackass was they poured drinks down his fingernails.

And they had to kind of chug it. Like it's a luge. Yeah. Oh, my God. like it's a luge yeah oh my god i mean there was those jackass boys they dug deep but i bet they had like they must have had like a production team or publicists who were like all right let's let's make a list of who we can get yeah yeah yeah and then what the hell do we do with this guy yeah who they could get and it feels like that's also somebody they would put in the audience at the razzy awards and focus on him like world's longest fingernail cut do they broadcast the razzy awards if they don't they

should don't you think yeah yeah they should i never seen them. I just hear about them like later. Yeah. I like it when an actor is in something bad and then they go to the Razzies and collect that. Yeah, Sandra Bullock did it. Oh, did she? Halle Berry did it. Oh, for Catwoman? Yeah.

Yeah. And in the same year, she won an Oscar, I think. Oh, was that Monster's Ball? Mm-hmm. It was a good time. Sandy did it for All About steve which we watched as part of our bradley cooper movie club i've never even heard of that what is that oh it's bad miss it yeah miss it all about steve like a play on all about eve yeah is it a similar sort of plot

or just a title i don't know i never saw all about eve i've seen all about steve though i don't feel good about that dichotomy was all about eve about a woman harassing a uh a reporter that was like cameraman yeah cameraman that's right he wasn't even a reporter it was a cameraman uh a woman who makes crossword puzzles for a living that's right getting obsessed with a bradley cooper type That's somebody who wrote the screenplay just based on whatever was in their kitchen. Like the TV and the crossword puzzle and these are all the ingredients all put together. Yeah, that's what All About Eve was about.

Okay, hold on. Maybe I'll see it. He doesn't like it. So yeah, we had a great week. The kids had like, it was vacation for them i still worked but it was like well let's you know do all the vacation things and like you know watch tv when you wake up and fruit loops uh uh you know just full stop fruit loops did you get those i remember the big the big show when i was a kid is they had those like tiny boxes of cereal they were like yeah kind of junk food

yeah we're not ready for that man tiny box of frosted flakes oh my god would you would you cut them open yeah we ate them out of the box like the the directions were to like cut it open like i know those were the directions but that sucked no it was fun as a kid it was like a bad craft project like i as because like so many packages are hard to open like regular regular cereal boxes are hard to open without ripping them yeah and then this had like just weird perforations. Yeah, it was, uh, but like that to me, it just screams holiday. And also maybe like freezies in the freezer. That was another,

like not a thing that we would do in our regular life. Do you have anything like that, Mark? Uh, well, I'm relating to what you're saying about the little boxes. Um, also,

uh, just because you reminded me of um like the box that becomes a bowl is such a funny image and it reminded me of i'm sure you guys have gone deep on garfield eats right no what is that what oh my god i'm so happy to share this with you so there's a restaurant in toronto called garfield eats okay what yeah related to the name like uber eats um wait a minute did it come after yeah it's consciously trying to echo that so that you're not famous enough to reference i know and it's not a restaurant i know and it's it's got so when you walk past the storefront it's all yellow like and uh it's a little one just right on bluer street and then it's got so when you walk past the storefront it's all yellow like and uh it's a

little one just right on bluer street and then it's got garfield's face on it and then it's got the slogan which is love me feed me never leave me which doesn't sound like something garfield would say he was he was not that type he couldn't stand a lot of the people in his life. Yeah, he wants you gone. Yeah. But anyway, it's a crazy story. Do you know if this is a licensed Garfield thing or is this part of the story? Yeah, it's this guy from the United Arab Emirates who... This is amazing.

He bought into the Garfield property. Yes. He got Jim Davis's blessing. So there's like a commercial where extremely old Jim Davis is talking about how good this food is. And then it's just like, there's a Garfield shaped pizza, which is just kind of like vaguely.

It's got like ears. It's like a circle of ears. And then there's a lasagna. It's all so expensive. It's like so expensive. You can't believe it. At the beginning, they were,

even though it's called Garfield eats. Well, because it was called Garfield to eat. It it was like it was a restaurant and an app in one right and they refused to serve food or deliver food through the existing apps like uber eats or food or anything like that so you had to go to their app but they were confident you were going to go to their app because it was not just a food order delivery service it was also an interactive media experience yes which is to say that they they played episodes of garfield and friends on the food ordering app yes and it was rules like stick around come for come to order your food stay for these full episodes do they have any u.s acres uh that you can watch afterwards oh boy i couldn't come up with that name if i tried let me let me just tell you my favorite

thing about this which is which is the whole reason i brought it up this guy's nuts and he's just he's got like a hundred reasons why you should be getting this food outside of the food being good which it's by all accounts, not, but if you order the chicken wings, they come in a box. And then one of the features of this box is that it's quote unquote, environmentally friendly. And what he means by that is once the chicken wings are done,

if you clean out the box, it can become a Kleenex box. Okay. This is the best so it's designed to then become a cardboard kleenex box but in order for that to happen you have to a clean it out clean out all of this chicken grease yeah and then be by plastic wrapped into like kleenex tissue yes to pack it in yourself and also it is i love that people are stupid like i love i love that like someone or they think that being environmentally conscious is like a con where it's like they they think people will just be on board even though you then have to buy yes plastic wrapped stuff that you throw away wow yeah it's um uh everything about that's amazing i can't believe that exists and i can't believe that it

does it only exist in toronto yeah like i have a friend who like wrote a went deep on it interviewed this guy and was trying to figure out like what what is this what is this supposed to be why why does this exist like i went in once to the store garfield eats on like it's pretty near where i live and i went in just to look around because i hadn't been in and the guy behind the counter was just like uh just so you know i don't know how to make any of this stuff so it's like it's kind of just also just a storefront to go in and look around so my friend who wrote about it her guess was that this guy doesn't really care about the food industry he just wanted to buy into the garfield like industry right yes because he's got a background as a failed movie producer in hollywood so her guess was that he's trying to get a producer credit on the next Garfield movie by befriending Jim Davis and like proving something through all of this.

So it just feels like this big, weird grift. Yeah. Wow. It's also just like, why would you go through all that and not be a lasagna restaurant? That's insane. I was going to ask. Like, we haven't touched on lasagna yeah it's pizza first and foremost dave are you looking at pictures of this place what what describe it for us the first thing on the menu garfield pizza um which is a pizza shaped like Garfield's head. Yeah. Finally.

Is lasagna anywhere on the menu? Yeah. Yeah. Second is lasagna. Okay. The lasagna is apparently not shaped like Garfield. There's a Garfield chocolate bar shaped like Garfield's head. Okay.

What about normal? Is there any normal? Oh boy. I gotta. Normal nachos, something like that. The lasagna is called big cow lasagna just call it garfield lasagna those are two big cow yeah um there's a kitty kids lasagna for kids why why would a grown-ups go here also why would a kid go there like kids aren't that's true

falling over themselves about garfield anymore here are the drinks they have anymore they've got smoothies fresh juices fresh juices and a garficino yeah garficino that's it they didn't try with any of these things every single person i talked to and there was a few of them at the beginning of this who ordered it just because they were too curious not to. Every single person I talked to was like, it was so expensive and it tasted so bad. I'm so upset with myself for doing this. Yeah. And I don't know why I expected it to be fun.

They also cater if you're having a bad wedding. Hey, any losers having a wedding? hey any losers having a wedding also i remember as a kid thinking that the lasagna the drawings of lasagna in garfield didn't i've never seen a lasagna in that shape before like three like round bits and then in a in a like a tin shaped box it doesn't look like a tin shaped box shaped like tin like a box get him dave yeah yeah tear him down this fucking idiot doesn't seem that expensive the pizzas are 16 and 14 oh they might have lowered these prices it's so funny they heard the outcry um here are the uh here's some of the you know what there's no real funny pizza names except the jim davis pizza which seems to be uh ham and pineapple and the carnivore nice wow that's good oh man thank you for uh telling us

yeah about this yeah oh man that's a big service right up your alley uh graham what's going on with you um well uh this past weekend i uh produced and hosted a uh two outdoor comedy shows um wow yeah yeah thank you um oh you're welcome um and it was uh i didn't know if it was going to work because we didn't use a microphone because the thought was, who wants to share a microphone in this climate? What was the venue? It was a backyard. It was a backyard. It was big enough to distance all the people who were in attendance.

And with no microphone. But you didn't have to yell or anything. It was speaking volume carried because everybody was quiet and watching the show. And it was really fun. It was like, have you ever been to a really good party that happens mostly on a patio? And the lights are kind of pretty. And as the sun goes down down it's more and more thank you thank you um how what was the capacity 15 15 people that was how many could you sell out yeah yeah yeah i mean it would have been very bad if I didn't.

So, yeah. And how many people on the bill? Four, four people on the bill. And they all hung out on a patio up above the, where the show was happening. So they were isolated away from the audience and the audience was at least six or seven feet away

from the the stage and it was fun it was fun and then i did something i don't believe i've ever done before i had to go buy ice and i don't think i've ever purchased ice in my life and it felt dumb it felt like i'm a dumb guy that doesn't know what ice is like i'm a dumb guy that doesn't know what ice is and did you have a bar at this yeah yeah at a bar you were like yeah graham you don't have to say on the record did you break liquor laws uh yeah i can't i won't incriminate myself that's right okay and uh it's uh who knows who can say whether were they donation were they tips it's hard to say sure um but yeah buying ice have you guys have bought ice right uh boy it's been uh if i have it's definitely been a you know over a decade yeah how about you mark have you bought ice i don't know maybe maybe we bought ice for our

wedding sure because the theme of our wedding was ice cool yeah that's right ice cold couple harness the bizarreness 2021 all the bridesmaids and the groomsmen in blue or white but it just feels like the dumbest thing it makes you feel like a rube that doesn't hasn't mastered water and cold you know and they've got it under lock and key that was the other thing that yeah they had to be escorted out of the gas station and watch the guy unlock the door and bring out ice. I guess I would steal it if it was possible. We already know about your feelings towards liquor laws. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm a bootlegger and I'm ready to steal. I'm a bootlegger. I'm an ice stealer. I'm a midnight. Pretty good. Midnight rice dealer and i don't know what uh how much time would you have like if you were gonna do this make your own ice one ice tray at a time how long would it have taken you well the problem you know with this whole equation is that i make the ice in the ice cube trays i pour them out into the bag pretty soon they're already

melted and i'm back at square one making filling up but you keep the bag in the freezer like how big is this freezer do i have like a deep freezer i don't know these are the questions i need answered about this yeah uh what does ice cost uh it cost 5.95 a bag which is like do they lock it up i don't know and it's like a thousand percent or maybe even a million percent markup on how much it is uh yeah but they have to keep that freezer running because one guy a week buys ice yeah when i asked the guy the first time i went in i was like do you have ice and he had no idea what i was talking about and i had to tell you a slurpee yeah but he was like kind of looking around the store to see if there was ice and uh i was like oh maybe maybe you don't have it and then he goes oh yeah ice

so we went out and he opened up the ice machine and yeah it's i don't know it's just the dumbest purchase i've ever had to make abby uh like buys smoothies online and they deliver like a giant box of smoothies once a month okay and it comes in a like a uh you know foil bag in the box like the it's got this kind of insulated you know one of those uh uh blankets they give you after a search and rescue saves you with smoothie yeah and uh but inside there is like instead of freezer packs they have dry ice oh could to make it spookier yeah so i've had to like dispose of it what you do is you put it out in the sun and it melts right whatever dissolves dissolves no it um sublimates yeah and it uh i've been like oh okay i'll just move it around here and you pick it up and it sticks to your fingers and it's freaky yeah i got burned by dry ice when i worked for a catering

company and one event had an ice sculpture that was there was a box over top of it that was all dry ice to keep it from melting, and nobody, in my whole life, I didn't know that dry ice, if it touched your arm, it would just rip a part of your arm off. It was bad. But, like buying ice, I learned it the hard way. Mark, any dry ice experience? No. it the hard way mark any dry ice experience no not even just for fun as a kid making a potion or something uh where do you wear when a kid get it oh at this catering company i used to work for we were very conscientious about making sure the dry ice got into the hands of kids i remember loving dry ice as an idea as a

kid but never actually understanding it and then i feel like i carried that lack of understanding up to present yeah like i know it when i see it but i don't really know what's going on yeah and it's uh it's one of those things that you never have to know until you suddenly have to know it. And then all of a sudden you're freaking out because... What are you doing touching dry ice? What are you, some kind of idiot? Oh, I forgot. Yeah, that's like the end of one of those G.I. Joe episodes.

Remember, Sergeant Slaughter, don't touch dry ice. Sergeant Slaughter? Yeah, it's not even a kid making the mistake it's one of the sergeants if the end of every episode was just them teaching each other stuff don't put your finger in that socket uh and i wish i knew one character's name yeah oh too bad snake man duke the other thing duke was one i think duke was one he maybe wore a hawaiian shirt snake man was too snake man yeah there was a serpentine dude yeah snake eyes and what was the lead guy that had like kind of a bag on his head was he a snake bag on his head oh bad guy yeah bad guy yeah uh cobra commander that's what i was trying to think of yeah

and the other thing that happened which is a thing that only ever happens in summer i bought lemonade from a kid's lemonade stand. Oh, cool. We saw one up the street, but I think they were done by the time we got around to it. Yeah, it just happened upon it. They hadn't stationed themselves on a very busy street, so I think we were the first customers. But there's no way that $5 goes longer than giving a kid $5 and telling them to keep the change that the kid's mind was blown. Yeah. You know, he started bringing out the change.

I was like, no, you keep it. And he was just like, well, maybe everybody will do this. I'll become a millionaire. Yeah, you might have messed up that kid. I think they're going gonna invest too much in this lemonade business for the next little bit garfield let's take that five dollars and we'll we'll buy more lemons and this will go through the winter uh but it was pretty adorable it always is it's always a fun thing to uh see kids selling lemonade because i don't ever know what

things are still being done by kids like i saw a kid in a park last year saying na na na boo boo to somebody i was like what that's still around holy shit yeah i can vouch for that that's still going that's still hot yeah and i don't even know where they learn it they pass it around though no it's instinct maybe you know it's like yeah so sure it's that length it's like how mama is just the first sound you can make yes yeah um yeah so that's what i uh did uh the last couple days and then also what i did was watched a film called the hunt for red October. Yeah. Now this is part of dad movie,

movie club. This is the first week of dad movie, movie club. Oh, wow. Um, I would just like to point out that we are very deep into this episode and maybe we don't need to keep doing movie clubs if we have so much other stuff

to talk. That's true. Yeah. I think we've, we've kind of mastered the, cause I, for a while we we were like what are we going to talk about but now that things have you've been able to expand what you're doing a little bit right but i i we can keep it up for the month and then maybe we have a uh constitutional crisis yes and that would if there was a movie called constitutional crisis that would be a dad movie yeah with jack ryan um so this actually there was a topic on the in the facebook group that was what

was everyone's dad's favorite movie oh yeah do you know what do you know my my dad yeah uh cool hand luke wow yeah which i feel is like a movie that you absolutely can enjoy now it's very good but i think no one experiences it quite like my dad you like cool and luke you should try being my dad watching cool and luke and you'll really love it mark what's your dad's favorite film i have no idea really yeah i don't know either but i if i would guess i would say for my dad i'm not gonna try to guess mark's dad um oh okay i'm gonna guess mark's dad i would guess it would be like the like european vacation or christmas vacation oh wow oh yeah that's that's a yeah

yeah i couldn't be any less like my dad your dad's favorite movie is the birdcage there you go i answer yeah yeah casual fall my dad loves it the original i feel like it's some like i don't know i mean it's anytime my dad talks about his favorite movies he's always talking about something he liked in college so it's like some art house movie some like italian new wave thing from a long time ago oh but then but then the movies he's into now are like i don't know like kind of just like netflix shit right every time i'm in the movie now i'm like what are you into man he got he was so into that dave eggers movie away we go oh really oh yeah that john krasinski no yeah yeah john krasinski and maya rudolph right he loved it so much that he like

watched it one night and then the next night i was like i was visiting we're like what do we watch and he's like well this movie was great i'd watch it again so he watched it on back-to-back nights and i was about 10 minutes into it and i was like this is trash this sucks why do you like this we had to watch the whole damn thing yeah man oh man yeah i mean if i was gonna like if you i don't know what your dad looks like but just judging what by what you like, if I was going to pick whether you or your dad liked the way we go, I would guess you. That's true. Yeah. There might've been a time in my life before I turned on Eggers and all that he stands for.

Oh, sure. I like the idea of a game show, kind of like the newlywed game, but about you and your dad. Yeah. Oh my God. Who who likes wanderlust yeah i would love that yeah every time i talk to my dad he's always trying to convince me to watch some new police procedural that i've never heard of that's all he watches now oh it's an interesting danish police procedural oh yes yes doesn't sound interesting that into borgen so like we watched hunt for red october have you ever seen it mark yeah when i was quite young it's it's sean connery right yes yeah and then who's the other

stud alec baldwin alec is the other stud yeah and it you'll be surprised to hear it takes mostly a place in a submarine yeah i do remember that it takes place in three submarines that's true but to me they were all just a submarine yeah i do remember being that's another movie where as a kid i remember the title really bugged me because i couldn't figure out what the hell it was talking about yes yes because it's just a series of words yeah it's like the hunt the hunt for the hunt for seems like okay we're hunting for something yeah and then the last two yeah yeah so like red october sounds like something that's in a horror movie and like the purge or something like oh yeah red october everybody stay in your house had you seen this before no no no me neither i avoided this is

the exact type of movie i would if i had to watch it have you seen any of the tom clancy jack ryan movies no no no 100 no i have seen I have seen, cause there was this. Yeah. There was, then they switched Jack Ryan's to, uh, Harrison Ford. Right.

And they did Patriot games and clear and present danger. Yeah. I didn't see any of those. No. Uh, then they switched to Ben Affleck and they did, uh, the sum of all fears.

Oh, that was one of them. Huh? And I did see that in a movie theater because i had a night to kill and i remember it being bad but his i think his wife was bridget moynihan and she was so beautiful yeah so that's worth the price of admission right and then they switched to chris pine and they did jack ryan shadow recruit wow and then they switched to john krasinski and they did the away we go series yeah that's the weirdest thing when he

keeps skipping out on their uh dramatic family vacation to bust up terrorism ops you know what i just have to chime in with i forgot one piece of my away we go story and i do think you'll enjoy it i'm really sorry to be breaking up the red october chat no please this is what happens when you come completely unprepared um so we my dad has a habit of talking through movies so we were like all right we'll watch this movie you watched last night but you have to promise not to talk because you just saw it you're gonna feel ultra compelled to talk you've seen it whatever so he's like oh of course i wouldn't talk never so then the movie starts and we're like five minutes into the movie and it's like a shot of two people in a bedroom or a hallway and there's like a hat rack with a few hats on it my dad just goes a lot of hats

and that was the first of so many just insertions yeah i the other night i watched the purge and i remember the first time i watched the purge so i've seen it twice uh is there's a scene where the wife of the family opens up a fridge and they've got three bottles of ketchup in the fridge and it's this crazy thing yeah like why do you have so much and they're identical they're not like yeah they're all like yeah they're all the same purge this woman. Get rid of her. That's what she did on the purge was buy a bunch of ketchup.

Yeah. Anyway, so this is about a, it takes place in 1984. There is a, Sean Connery is Russian. Yes. Alec Baldwin is handsome. He's so handsome back then. Yeah, he looks like, now he looks like a totally different person. Like he looks like,

and not in a bad way. He's still very handsome. And he has to go somewhere to do something about a Russian sub. And he says goodbye to his wife, who's played by Dr. Beverly crusher from star trek the next generation oh that's where she's from yeah okay he says goodbye to his wife

and his daughter and then he takes a flight and he tells the flight attendant i can't sleep on the on the plane and that is the last woman you see in the movie yes like 10 minutes in three female characters have had lines and no more female characters have lines for the rest the opening scene when he's with his family like you know the thing on if you watch Amazon if you pause the movie at a certain point

it tells you all the actors names that are in that scene and so it was like Alec Baldwin Beverly Crusher whatever the name of the actress is the son and then stanley as himself which was a uh bear like a teddy bear really yeah so it's stanley himself so that was a fun little thing that they got up to at the end over at amazon um the big thing i the famous thing i know about this movie is that sean connery

is russian yes and he's speaking russian for like the first five minutes of the movie and then he's in a scene with another russian and speaking russian they zoom in on that guy's mouth yes and then they zoom out and they're all speaking english yeah and whoa and just continues for the rest of the movie except when the crew is singing i assume the national anthem of russia yeah there's another bit where alec baldwin has to prove that he can speak russian too right that's right yeah that's really fascinating yeah because it's like how i read an article years ago about it was a film reviewer who wrote it and he's it was about this specific thing it was do you in a movie where you're playing something in another language do you do the

accent or do you not do the accent and have everybody in the movie doing an accent like a german accent or whatever right um i recently watched every single Highlander movie. I should have said that instead of the book. How many are there? There's like seven live action movies. And then there's an anime movie. And then there's a French Canadian animated series. And then there's a live action series. But I didn't watch all the series.

That's incredible. But what is like in terms of the accents. So Christopher Lambertbert christophe lambert plays the yeah yeah he's french and he he's playing a scottish man but with like no barely an attempt at an accent and then it just drifts away before the end of the first movie and then sean connery who is obviously scottish is playing an egyptian who's like also like spanish like an egyptian by birth anyway ramirez right and he just speaks in his scottish accent and then later they introduce another uh scottish man who's like highlander's friend and he's also

french he's highlander's friend and the guy that they got to play highlander in the tv series that was filmed in vancouver i believe also french weird it's just really wild i remember as a kid watching an episode of that and also being conscious of uh like licensing and and song rights and i was like how does this show afford the queen song at the beginning of it they wrote it for the first movie and that's oh wow queen wrote queen wrote music a theme song for highlander and for flash gordon weird timing yeah what's this one what what's the here we are born to be kings we are the keepers of the universe here we are now born to be kings yeah yeah um so this movie is uh

sean connery he's uh he he there's like a uh soviet politician on the boat mandated yeah and sean connery kills the guy well yeah he kills steals his key to like shoot missiles or torpedoes or whatever and then he's gonna use they have this new um the red october is this new kind of caterpillar yeah it's a quiet submarine and uh most like that's the last action that happens almost for the entire movie then it's meetings yeah then it's meetings for an hour and a half guys standing around deciding what course to take and when then yeah sean connery wants to go to america to defect and leave the soviet union and then the soviets are like telling america oh no he's he's abandoned uh us and he's going to try to shoot missiles at you right so you should kill him so it's like a lot

of the rest of the movie is just like well we'll find him and then the i think the reason it's a dad movie is because alec baldwin has to be tough but fair yeah exactly and also there's a lot of sitting around talking about uh like naval directions and there's a lot of jargon in it too which i think maybe a dad loves it's a bunch of sailor jargon and i wonder i haven't seen the other jack ryan movies but i wonder if they kept this thing where alec baldwin as jack ryan hates flying like i can't ever sleep on planes oh this is there's too much turbulence and it's he's got kind of a b.a barracus uh view of travel and there's and then but they keep making him go like oh no you're gonna have to ride in this helicopter that's just like a tin can and you're gonna have to you know jump out into the water

there's also like uh maybe only two attempts at humor in the whole two hours of it it's very serious everything's very serious and there's only uh one joke in it and it's uh somebody tells alec baldwin be careful where you shoot in this sub because you might hit something radioactive or something. And Alec Baldwin runs away and then the bad guy starts shooting indiscriminately. And he goes to himself, I have to be the one who watches where I'm shooting. And I thought that was really that should be in the trailer. And then then I feel like a funny movie. I am the one who should be watching what he's doing me it is i um yeah it was very boring uh i found it very boring throughout yeah

i didn't love it no um but i loved reading the uh uh the IMDb trivia. Oh, yeah. And my favorite bit of IMDb trivia is that Sean Connery's hairpiece cost $20,000. Whoa! What? And before he had that hairpiece, he snuck, but without telling the uh director he went directly to wardrobe and was like okay i would like my character to have a ponytail so i would like a hairpiece that has a ponytail and the director found out and got super mad

but he he was like i'm this is what i asked for this is what i'm doing yeah and on day two of shooting the um the uh cinematographer said that the ponytail looked like a limp dick and so they had to get rid of it oh man no uh but then i went and i looked at his filmography and i was like okay two years later he made medicine man ponytail yeah he made he was in uh highlander ponytail yeah ramirez he highlander 2 ponytail uh the rock ponytail and i just i assume that he was just like for years just like going behind people's backs trying to give his character a ponytail it It's a good look. Yeah, and it is.

But like, even in like, Indiana Jones's dad, ponytail. No, he didn't. But he was like, I think for my role in The Untouchables, I should have a ponytail. Yeah, I think the original guy that this is based on probably had a ponytail. The one thing they wouldn't let him do as bond he became focused on it um well so we watched hunt for red october and then next week next week was because graham is going away uh we are going to uh record next week's right away and we've already decided someone tweeted at us. Do you remember who?

No, but they said the most dad movie of dad movies is the world's fastest Indian, which sounds like a bad name. Yeah. But I don't like the name at all. No, it's a, but Mark,

do you, do you, have you seen this movie? What's it called? World's Fastest Indian. Oh, I see. Yeah. And it's about a motorcycle. And Anthony Hopkins. It stars Anthony Hopkins.

I'm just trying to find who sent that to us. Oh, yeah. But, yeah, to me, that would seem like a film that my parents would dream up as punishment for me. Like, you're going to have to watch the entirety of the World's Fastest Indian and write a report about it so that we know that you watched it. Yeah. Have you never seen this film? No, I've never heard of this. Yeah, it's...

I saw it on cable. Like, I never watched it, but I always would see it listed. And I was like, who's this for it was very like the the name is misleading because it's about a the brand of motorcycles yes indian oh okay i can't find who sent it to us but um yeah so that's it seemed like graham and i were both won over by this. Yes. And so that's next week's movie, everyone. Wow. In Dead Movie Movie Club. There it is.

Harness, the bizarreness. Should we move on to overheards? Let's do a little bit of Max Fun Drive. Oh, yeah. Max Fun Business. Of course. Let's talk about Max Fun Drive. It's time now for a Jumbotron message yeah that uh we didn't

we forgot that we could have jumbotrons during the max fun drive also before we get to the jumbotron heads up we just looked into uh the world's fastest indian literally cannot find it anywhere yeah it is impossible to watch anywhere yeah uh maybe in new zealand on netflix new zealand we could or maybe you know if we had access to a gas station video store kind of situation i bet you they have absolutely um so we have decided that next week's dad movie movie club movie dad Dad Movie Movie Club movie is Captain Phillips starring Tom Hanks as a guy with an accent. Yeah. Like this.

And he was the captain then. And then a new guy comes around. Says, I'm the captain now. Says, I'm the captain now. Okay. So, I'm excited about that. Yes. And now.

Yeah. This Jumbotron business it's for neil and it's from lisa i hope i'm pronouncing i'd say you're right about that okay uh dave do you want to read the the jumbotron message oh you get to say the people's names and i have to do the paragraph no okay Let's break it up into you read. Let's say it at the same time. Yeah, let's do one word on, one word off. No, okay. I'll do it.

Okay. My partner, Neil, from San Francisco, is a huge fan. I'd love for him to get a shout out for his 50th birthday to express my love and gratitude for him. Birthday, Friday,uly 24th currently at the time of this recording five days ago yes neil survived stage four throat cancer that he battled last year and this year uh global pandemic with four crazy kiddos ages 2 to 18 while we both work full-time now at home this is a uh like a a saga yes this is absolutely this is like uh you know uh homer's tales you know like it goes all over the place this guy deserves a major happy birthday uh feel free to make suggestions on how to make this message more fun that would be like an aside that they whispered

uh well congratulations to neil for beating and beating the cancer that's fantastic and happy 50th yeah this is uh what a time oh the best of times as far as i'm the best of times well yeah happy birthday neil and uh lisa or eliza wishes you nothing but that um yeah absolutely and uh what do you think dave should we uh plow into some overheards well first we have to talk about the MaxFunDrive. Oh, well, let's do that. Hey, everybody. Hi.

We interrupt this wonderful, I guess, episode. Yeah, yeah, yeah. To talk about MaxFunDrive. This is the last week of MaxFunDrive 2020. We did a slow, long, slow burn this year yeah this year sexy build-up is what it was yeah uh and it was all because well we didn't want to beat you over the head with it as we have in recent years every year uh sure because we know that the world is currently a crazy place and everyone's finances may or may not be in a crazy

place yeah this show and every show on maximum fun is supported by you the listener yeah we have hundreds and thousands of people who go to maximumfund.org join and say they want to support the show and say how much they want to give all the shows on the network and uh that's how we make a living these days yeah this is how we do it it's friday night um i uh you know i'm very grateful to all the people who uh donate become members of maximum fun and uh you know we know that it's difficult times. If you don't have the scratch together to do it, you're fine. We're going to keep doing the show.

You can listen to it for free. But if you got a little change rolling around and you want to support us, this is the time to do it. Yeah. Because you get prizes or, you know, not prizes, but special gifts. Gifts, yes. uh there's some really great what's the difference between a prize and a gift i guess like a raffle is probably yeah probably i guess like you would if you maybe um uh you know went to the amusement park and hit a big hammer on a thing yes ding the bell then you get a prize this or you maybe get a gift from the

person who's promoting it so you know that's that's to it yes so this is the last week of it you go to maximumfun.org join you choose the shows you listen to you choose how much you'd like to give every month and the money you give goes directly to the shows that you listen to and it's that's the way we do it you know you can tell we're not good at this um and it's uh you know we only do it once a year and this is why uh because we're we're very easily confused by this kind of thing yeah we're very much garbage at this. Yes. Please, please don't make us have to do something where we, you know,

give someone the hard sell and say, you listen to our show for money or we take it away. Yeah, exactly. The show will always be around for free,

but we're asking you, if you love the show, if you want to support it, go to MaximumFun.org slash join. And did you know that you can also get a subscription for a friend for one year?

So you and your friend can both enjoy the bonus content and the swag. That's a fun gift. That's a good gift idea for somebody who loves the podcast. You can also, if you don't have any friends who listen to the show, there are people who do listen to the show who want to support the show but can't. There are people who do listen to the show who want to support the show, but can't. You can gift a subscription to someone you, just check the anonymous Max Funster box when filling out the online form at MaximumFun.org slash join. That's it. Thank you so much. Thank you so much.

We're not going to talk about this again until next year. That's right. And thank you for being with us. And let's move on to some overheards overheard overheards a segment in which if you hear something good out there in the world don't just keep it to yourself send it our way and if you want to send it by email you can send it into spy at maximum fun dot org and we also like we also like to start with the guest mark do you have an overheard yeah yeah um so i've got a couple i'll tell you i'll give you two quickies one yeah baby one is uh my landlord um comes around a lot to like garden so she like she

gardens in our front garden and then she'll come around to the back where she grows like crops okay how big how big of a garden is this it's not a big garden but i think she's got like a few properties around the city and if the tenants are chill enough she just like grows different crops in different yards so my backyard for the three years that i've lived here has been garlic scapes okay like which is like the tall green garlics that kind of shoot up it almost looks like like in corn yeah it's just like or like long grass or something but it's garlic like green garlic but anyway my entire yard is like garlic and then last year she convinced my neighbor who's this old man to let her i don't even think she's his landlord but she convinced

him to let her use his backyard to grow really tall corn and he ended up expressing frustration to me because the corn was so tall he couldn't hang his clothes to dry on his clothesline he was like it's too tall but anyway so she comes around to like garden and um she brings around her husband who's this like brow beaten guy who's just does her bidding and clearly has mixed feelings about it and at one point so very recently he was like gardening with her in the front yard and she was sort of telling him what to do and my girlfriend actually overheard this uh she overheard him kind of like stand up and snap and he went rosa i may be an idiot but i can figure certain things out on my own that's that guy in a nutshell and then he immediately came around like our apartment to the backyard which is like i was working near the backyard and the door was open and then i just

heard him push out the two loudest most uncomfortable burps like feet for like three feet from me but barely around a wall and then he noticed me through the door and went hey and then he talked to me about how he used to work for like five minutes i really got a full character study into this guy yeah wow yeah um that's incredible what is the second of these these gems the second one is uh i was at a grocery store um and it was kind of like a chaotic grocery store where nobody was following any of the like social distancing or mask rules right but i was just like in and out needed to get like some gatorade or something and this old man just kind of tottered up to me and he was like a weird smiley guy and he just started telling me jokes and all of them were about like animals and family

anyway so the only joke that i can really remember which i really loved not so much for the joke as for the way he told it was um he said uh what does a computer call what does a baby computer call its father when he said data of course of course that was a twist on it and then after every joke he you'd say, I'll see you later. That's amazing. And I like the idea of a comedian that that's their catchphrase after every joke. Well, I'll see you later.

Yeah. Yeah. That's pretty good. That's punchline. Of course. All right. Have a good one guys. I'll see you later.

Dave, do you have an overheard um mine is an overseen i mentioned this house of highlights uh instagram that i follow a couple days ago they had um a video of connor mcgregor the the ufc fighter yeah just playing soccer in jeans it was the most like useless video like who cares he wasn't and and the thing is he was fine but like i played soccer when i was a kid and i'm just as good like it's like just post a video of me who cares like it was just so i wanted to see the comments if anyone else agreed like okay okay. Yeah, this is fine. Slow news day. But when you go to one of these gigantic Instagram pages, all of the comments are people trying to get you to go to their pages.

Right. It's a lot of like porno ladies. And then I saw these three comments. And I guess people have realized that it's annoying to post your comments on this right hey i know this is annoying come to my page so the first comment is read this over i'm a 19 year old producer from chicago and i'm just trying to make my make his mama proud and it would really make my day if you could please like and maybe even follow me and so that's the first one the next comment i know it's annoying but i'm a music producer trying to grow my account and gain

some exposure i'd appreciate anyone who checks out my beats and supports me thank you the next comment i don't want to be annoying or anything but i bleach vintage clothing and they come out amazing those are the big three right there yeah i'm a producer i'm a porno lady i bleach clothes i don't even know what that would be. Like, I don't know. Like, if you're into sports, give me, at least forward me to your sports account. Yes. But maybe that person just goes across all platforms.

100%. Yeah. Bleach old clothes. Huh. Well, I'm stymied. I don't know what that is. I mean, I guess, look, you know what? It wouldn't know what i mean i guess look you know what i it wouldn't be right if i didn't tell you their account yes that's true it's o bleach oh bleach

dot us wow check them out nice bleach yes don't roast don't roast don't roast me for this Don't roast. Don't roast me for this. Graham? Yeah. Do you have one? Yeah, I do. I was sitting at the park because that's the one thing you can do is go sit in the park. So I was watching.

I think the arrangement was it was a mom and dad and their kid and then their kid's friend. And so the kid and the friend were trying to get up into a tree, too high, really, for a kid. And the mother asked, she was like, do you think your parents would approve of you going up that high in a tree? And the kid said, yeah, they love it. of you going up that high in a tree? And the kid said, yeah, they love it.

Higher the better, they say. Oh, boy. Now, we also have overheards that are sent in. If you want to send one to us, it's spy at MaximumFun.org. And the first one comes from Michael from Madison, Wisconsin.

So this, Michael was at work where, and this gets weirder and weirder by degree. I was at work where somebody had left behind their copy of the novelization of Back to the Future. So that's where we're starting on this. of Back to the Future. So that's where we're starting on this. I opened it to a random page, and it's the scene where they sent Einstein the dog one minute into the future, but before he's come back, there's a typo.

So Marty says, where the hell is he? And Doc says, the question isn't where the hell is he, but where the hell is he? We're going back to the place. Yeah, I really loved everything about that. Have you ever read a novelization of a movie

that's been written after the movie? Batman. I feel like Batman the novelization of the movie I was into in a big way. Mark, anything? I don't think so. I of the movie I was into in a big way Mark anything I don't think so I don't think I ever have no I don't know if I've read it I might have my brother read it we had the novelization of Spaceballs which was written by R.L. Stine whoa really yeah wow goosebumps I don't know if it was pre but but it was under the name Jovial Bob Stein. Whoa.

Jovial. Yeah. Wow. Show us in the work. Yeah. This next one comes from Cormac. Cormic, sorry, from Abington, Pennsylvania. I work in a grocery store, and the other day my co-worker straight up didn't show up for work. No call, no show.

The next day he came in and apologized for not showing up. He said he took a medicine before bed, and when his alarm went off in the morning, he said he was having a dream that he was already at work, so he didn't think he had to get up. Okay. Yeah. Are you alright? right yeah and the dream never ended by the end of the shift he was

still having the dream so that's why he never even came in a bit late yeah and he slept 16 hours took a medicine is a pretty cute way of saying it yeah took a medicine sure uh if a kid told me they took a medicine i'd forgive them everything yeah i took a medicine and then my i thought i was in school okay you are off the hook you have charmed me child oh yes oh Thank you very much. This kid is really creeping into Miss Swan territory. That's my kid accent.

Yeah, this kid thinks people look like a man. Oh, boy. I was trying to do Stuart. Oh, yes. This last one comes from Sean G. in Chicago. A few years ago,

my friend Nick was having a 30th birthday party and everyone brought him gifts. I later asked what his favorite was. What I heard was anal beads. He said the couple that gave it to him, use them all the time, but couldn't right now because she was pregnant. I said,

that's so gross. How could he use some of someone else's? He said, they do it with them all the time. I asked if he and his wife were into it, and he said, yeah, they do it together, and sometimes with other people too. This went on for more questions until I asked, wait, what do you

think I just said? And I replied, anal beads. And he just laughed and said, no, an eighth of weed. Wow. That's pretty good. I knew it was going to be something at the end. Yeah.

I knew it couldn't have been. What if it was at the end? And he was like, yes, they're correct. Okay. Yeah, we are on the same page.

I promise I'll get you like, honey, can I give away our anal beads? I'll give you new ones after the baby. Sure. Yeah, okay. Sometimes with a friend. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, SpyPod 1, like these people have.

Hey, Dave Graham and wonderful guests. This is Josh and Caroline calling in from Tulsa, Oklahoma with an overheard. We were out playing some socially distanced tennis and overheard someone on the basketball court uh say hold on hold on i need to call my wife and someone he was playing with turned to him and honestly said you have a wife i thought you were in high school i thought we were all in high school we were all in high school just a bunch of middle-aged men pretending to be in high school each thinking the rest are actually in high school who do you have a crush on oh my wife i mean my wife my wifey i mean i guess i also have a uh you know uh a crush on the weather girl from the news but i watch it with my dad oh no uh next phone call hi this is Lindsay from Houston Texas

hello to Dave and Graham and possible guests I just had an overheard at a coffee shop where I go to almost every day to kind of keep my sanity the barista

was making my drink and he was grinding some more beans so that she was kind of screaming in the background and there was a man standing pretty far behind me about they've got the little dots that are about six feet apart um so he's standing about six feet behind me and i hear his phone ring and he answers it on speaker and a woman's voice comes over and just says i'm naked and he's like oh god i'll call you back and then i hear him put the phone up to a dude he's like i will call you back so that's my overheard all right um yeah i mean i feel like anybody who's having a conversation with the speaker on is their embarrassment proof like they don't yeah there's no but like what do you think

was she called him and his first words were i'm naked was that like a come hither thing or was it like you accidentally you were grinding all your beans at home and you you used them all my clothes as a coffee filter yeah or you know i don't know that i understand the options here dave you got the first one though right i think i think i'm forced to choose the first one if someone calls you and like i guess it's it one. If someone calls you and like, I guess it's, it really depends on who calls you and says I'm naked. Yeah,

that's true. And yeah, it might be somebody who just got locked out of their house. Yeah. Just their phone. How did that happen? I'm never without it. Yeah.

Well, maybe she used a pay phone. Who knows what kind of great journey she was off. I discovered my phone's waterproof the hard way skipping it across a lake yeah all right here's your final one babies hey guys this is logan from uh dc uh this is a little bit old because we're all you know uh dealing with covid but i felt like I would share this one. I was, this is right when they decriminalized marijuana, and I was diagonally from the FBI headquarters in D.C.,

and there was a homeless guy rolling a joint, and a police officer walked up to him as I was passing by and he goes you know you have to do this in your home right and he goes this is my home and he was sitting at a bus stop and the police officer goes fair enough and just walked off I thought that was hilarious

I'm not going to go through all the paperwork on this one your honor he said something witty back to me, so what was I supposed to do? Pretty good. Pretty good. Pretty good. Way to go, homeless guy.

Now this brings us to the end of the podcast. Mark, what would you like to plug? Anything you're doing online or anything like that? Something you've written has happened? Who knows what? What do you want to plug? Oh, I don't think I have anything to plug anything you're doing online or anything like that something you've written has happened who knows what what do you want to plug oh i don't think i have anything to plug really not at the moment okay just cavendish is cavendish still on cbc gem cavendish may still be on cbc gem gary and his demons i believe is still on cbc gem

nice oh uh feel free to check out my shows on the world's worst streaming service. It's got some good stuff, but it is technically, it is a, they've, they've messed up in strange ways that seem easy to fix. Well, I mean,

and this is from a guy who owns the uh eat garfield eat app yeah that's my that's near the top of the pile of my streaming services um but yeah well i i i know i i it's been a year or two but i really loved cavendish oh thank you it was really funny i think if uh if people check it out you might get a season two oh well it's not gonna happen but i appreciate that thought all right well okay i've definitely entered that like um phase of thinking where uh you know when something gets canceled and yeah at first i mean in whatever whatever but people have people are like this is actually not good and we're going to stop making this um and then the

first thought is like fuck those guys they don't know anything right my art's just not for them and then i feel like an amount of time passes and then you just your pride dims your willingness to fight back against the perceptions of others. Quiet. Yes. And then you slowly just internalize things and convince yourself that they were probably right. No, I really,

I really did love it. It was, uh, it, you know what it, it, it shone too bright. Uh,

well, that's very sweet. And it's very nice of you to say that. Thank you. Um, yeah, it was hilarious as are you. Thank you so much for being our guest here today.

Thank you, man. Now, everyone, this is it. This is the end of MaxFunDrive, the longest MaxFunDrive of all time. Not a sprint, it's a marathon, right? If you want to support the show, this is your last chance to get all those yummy, yummy gifts uh go to maximumfun.org join uh thank you so much mark thank you to all our listeners out there for uh for listening and supporting through uh the max fun drive and you know what stay safe take care of each other and

join us next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.