Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 647 - Alison Rosen

Episode Date: August 11, 2020

Podcaster Alison Rosen joins us to talk karaoke, getting ID’d, and Graham bought a vest. Plus, Dad Movie Movie Club continues with Captain Phillips.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 647 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a shiny gentleman, I would say, as I am as well, Mr. Dave Shumka. Wow. Okay. I think I... Well, you really betrayed me there. Yeah, it's hot here yeah but uh i didn't know it was showing on my massive forehead it's showing on my forehead too i'm there's solidarity here is what i'm saying

yeah um you know yeah no it's bad uh the planet it's a bad planet and uh we've you know we deserve this yes that's right We did have this coming. Much like the dinosaurs that polluted in their time. Yeah. Our guest today, a very funny podcaster, much like ourselves. She has two podcasts. Alison Rosen is your new best friend

and Childish with her and Greg Fitzsimmons. Is that correct? That is correct. It's Alison Rosen. Thank you so much for having me with her and Greg Fitzsimmons. Is that correct? That is correct. It's Alison Rosen. Thank you so much for having me. I'm very excited to be here. You know, I have to say, I didn't really notice the shininess until you brought it up and now it's all I see.

The more I wipe, the shinier it gets. What I'm noticing is Dave is a little bit shiny and then Graham, you're just hazy. Yeah, Graham's got a matte camera. Oh, I like it. Yeah, that's right. It's a nice matte effect. I put a Vaseline on there to just hide my age. It's like the White Diamonds commercial.

Yes. Do we want to get to know us? Yeah. Get to know us yeah get to know us allison how is it going with all this uh mishigosh all this trouble that we've been going through what how how's it going for you sum it up for i'm not sure i know what you're referring to oh you know are you talking about the fact that we're locked in our houses and afraid of a disease that half the country my country country at least, doesn't believe in. And we have to wear masks. No, I was referring to America's Got Talent.

I don't know what you thought. Oh, that Misha Goss. You know, it's okay. I feel really up and down. At the beginning, I was, like, i look back on the beginning which feels like 20 years ago and you could still be talking about america's got talent yeah that's true i was like what do you how do you feel about terry cruz in the new role um and i feel like i was so like young and naive then it was my it was it was just the beginning of me beginning to understand a pandemic.

And I was so concerned with like, what creative project am I going to do? Look at all these people coming up with all their podcasts and new Instagram live shows. And I'm not making the most of my pandemic. And my husband and I made this big to-do list of all the projects around our house. And then we realized within a couple weeks that we shouldn't

have our name we i have two children we have two children and that we shouldn't have our nanny anymore like that's not um not yeah it's not safe so for her or for us so then we did something which goes against every instinct we have as parents which is we took care of our own children for a long period a long period of time yeah and i would just look at that list of to do to do items and just laugh ruefully because that's insane like we and we both work as well so we were both working and then taking care of the kids and stuff um and that was just a period of being really tired and feeling um like helpless but also sort of like i imagine people on the frontier like i felt really proud of myself at the end of the day like look what i've accomplished yes i kept them alive and you ate beans around a campfire that's right we we procured toilet paper from a restaurant you know all sorts of they're giving it away did you steal

no no no okay no but i feel like you know sort of like les miserables like it would be understood it would be forgiven i don't know i don't think that's the message of that book i've just seen no it's not they lock them up for a loaf of bread yeah Yeah. You know. But no, at the beginning when there was a run on toilet paper, restaurants that shut down, and I don't know if they were doing this in Vancouver, they would do delivery of produce boxes. And so it would be like, because they had all these things that you couldn't get at the store.

But then sometimes they would throw in a roll of terrible toilet paper as well yeah restaurant quality yeah that kind of like with the the roll that doesn't fit on a regular roll yes and it's like single ply and uh as my husband says it like both scratches your butthole and is like you get you get poop on your hand i think he has a more succinct less disgusting way of saying it but somehow it's like abrasive and also too thin wait do you guys not get poo on your hands when you wipe up because this is news to me i'm just learning this now in real time oh yeah i mean occasionally sure but it's not it's not an every wipe occurrence as it sounds like it might be for you yeah maybe i should go see a doctor yeah yeah i don't get it on my hands anymore but

i do because i wear those long gloves like a princess wait now are they the kind that you can just peel off and throw in the wash um yeah i i would dry clean them normally because they're part of my ball gown yeah that's right big silk uh yeah that whole thing about trying to be productive during all this i know that it was always linked to the fact that shakespeare wrote some play which is easy because there was no fucking tv when he was around yeah yeah right there was no social media yeah there was no tiktok there were no podcasts there was exactly quarantine there was just disease and writing on parchment or whatever he did and he wrote king lear you know we by the way we all believe that because we all saw that tweet how do we know it's true oh that's true it's

probably i mean there's people that say that shakespeare didn't even write all those plays so you know let's start there and work on the conspiracy oh yeah oh some dorks thesis my dad uh i was an english major and my dad was also an english major and he told me that he had a professor or a teacher i don't know at what point in his schooling this person said this who said um it doesn't matter if shakespeare wrote them all we know is they were written by someone who called themselves shakespeare and he always presented this to me like it was a mic drop moment i'm like so i don't feel like that's my that's not moving the needle for me and for me it's like well then what like either way why are we still reading them? No one understands them. Unless Buzz Lerman is involved.

Then I get it. When Leonardo DiCaprio says it, I'm like, yes, this is good. Do you need the pageantry? I do, yes. Somebody said you shouldn't ever read it. You should only see it performed. You're not supposed to just sit there and read it. Because it doesn't make any sense if you sit there and read it i have heard that as well that really we think of it now as high art

but it wasn't it was like it was their real housewives yeah and like you know if you had to read the you know the play cats you you'd be like well i don't understand what's going on here either but then you see it on stage and you're like i still don't understand right or have you guys seen the movie i haven't seen it yes yeah i loved it yeah really like genuinely it was hilarious no no it was it was it was not good but it was very enjoyable and not in in a in a unique way not in like i'm watching a bad movie no but in a way that was like well this is something uh that like every possible choice went wrong yeah and it was it somehow made it magical i think i need to see it yeah i think you need to see it as well and it's like a giant budget movie

too it was not like some b movie thing it was like a lot of people put a lot of money bankrupted a few people oh man imagine having to tell that story that uh you were like like a millionaire and then you lost it all in a movie about cats oh boy it was humans wearing full body cat suits taylor swift was in it dame judy right yeah yeah but they didn't wear the suits the suits were all cgi oh okay i was just imagining the millionaire explaining why he thought it was a sure thing and what did i did i hear that it wasn't even like green screen no it wasn't green screen. They digitally added in everything. Like an Instagram filter. Yeah, they tried to,

the very first of this technology was in that movie and everybody said, why does everything look so weird? That's why. Because of this bad new technology. What a terrible way to find out that the technology wasn't quite up to the challenge. So what did they wear?

Like those black leotards with little like balls on straws and things that we see? to find out that the technology wasn't quite quite up to the challenge so what did they wear like those black leotards with little like balls on straws and things that we see apparently they just wore kind of like street clothes like just kind of sweats and t-shirts and then judy dench in her juicy juicy sweats see if they put on like a small black box theater production of the movie of Cats, they should just have them wearing their street clothes. Like when they take Hamlet and they're like, it's going to be set in a boardroom. Yes. I love that.

I love when they do that. Which one was that? Ethan Hawke? Yes. And was Helena Bonham Carter in that one? Was it directed by Tim Burton? Because if it was, she was in it. Okay. in that one was it directed by tim burton because if it was she was in it okay she was definitely in it maybe i don't know it seems like something tim burton would do right that tim burton hasn't done a shakespeare movie is kind of

odd at this point yes yeah maybe it is odd yeah does he do did he do um, what's the one about the demon barber? Sweeney Todd? Yeah, did he do that? Yep. That was him? Okay. Yeah. So he's dipped toe in that world.

Yeah. Why not dive into the world of Shakespeare? It's, you know, do one that everybody hates. You know, one that comes up only in Jeopardy answers. And then go ahead and what would that be like the merchant of venice yeah i feel like that's the exact right one no i feel like there's a lot of like ones that you know andronicus yeah or like richard the third like whatever you know sequels that they made yeah Yeah. You mentioned Sweeney Todd.

I've never seen Sweeney Todd, but aforementioned husband of the poop on his hands and the toilet paper, he is super into Sweeney Todd and he sings it in the shower. And I don't know that if he knows how much I can hear him and how much I'm always so tempted to just record it, but I don't.

But I have a, uh, the, the kind of familiarity that you get with something when you have no personal relationship with it, but your partner, uh, puts it in your head all the time.

Yeah. Like, uh, I don't try to think of something that's like that, like an earworm kind of thing or a whole production kind of thing. I just know there's a part that goes like the, the, the, the, thedo-do-do-do sweeney todd of course there is demon of fleet street sweeney todd does that do you feel like you're listening to it yes absolutely but in my mind i'm i can't i never saw the movie so i'm picturing the robert downey jr sherlock holmes Robert Downey Jr. Sherlock Holmes. There's something about like London,

hot London, Sweeney Todd. That's a very, it's a very funny thing to be singing in the shower. I don't know why it's so funny, but it is. It's the perfect. Do you sing in the shower?

Yeah. Sometimes I have a little, I have a waterproof speaker, so I'll put on music and sing along to that, but I don't ever freestyle. I don't go into the shower and do beatboxing or whatever uh whatever people do what do you normally sing uh like this morning for example was uh credence clearwater revival oh yeah that's a good that's

some good showering music and that's too long a name what could you shorten it for me? Uh, C-C... C-C-R. Oh, yeah, okay. Yes, yes. C-C-P-N-I-S-T-O-N. Do you ever sing in the shower, Allison? Uh, I have gone through phases where I have sung in the shower, but I don't regularly. But when I do, I'm always taken aback by, like,

oh, my God, I am so good. Oh, my God. Sort of like the and I hate karaoke. But the few times I do karaoke, I'm like, are they all hearing what I'm hearing? Like, get a load of me, which is funny because I think i'm pretty bad but something about the shower acoustics or karaoke microphone just really makes my voice sing in a way that my voice doesn't really sing that little bit of reverb yeah helps how does somebody i guess we're not gonna i mean we're not gonna ask you to sing oh no i already did the sweetie todd no yeah i know i guess that was good um yeah the uh uh like what it takes for a singer who's like

good to go out in public and be like this i'm good at this is very bold because everybody i think thinks that they're a bad singer but like not true yeah there's people who think they're good singers is that and like if you're have you ever seen like a uh like a three-year-old who's a really good singer and they can do like they don't even they're not even like trying hard they just have that little like that little quiver that uh that you assume oh yeah i may i if i worked on it could develop that. I think it's just like some people are just naturally there. Some people are natural show-offs. They just know it.

They've been encouraged their whole life from the moment they could talk. Yeah, I mean, that's true. I guess the X factor is encouragement. That's anybody who's successful, I think. Maybe not. Maybe you've got no encouragement, and then you're going against the system. Yeah. No one believed in me and now listen to me in the shower.

My family all said I sucked at singing. They used to ask me if I finished my homework when I would sing. Allison, what do you hate most about karaoke? Oh, boy. Oh, my God god where to start well how many how often have you karaoke'd i mean like maybe 10 times in my life what i hate about this is gonna make me sound like such an asshole but oh well what i hate about it is how much other people enjoy it because i feel like an alien like looking in on a world that i don't understand i don't understand what's fun about it i don't like oh there's merle like he oh he's here every friday night he loves this one there's something sad about that to me

there's something sad when someone has their karaoke song even though even though mine would be total eclipse of heart but there's still something sad about it um i remember this so i used to live in new york it's like a running uh a running joke on alice in rose's your new best friend that someone accused me that's my podcast it is that's that's where you'll find me um sometimes and someone accused me a listener a listener a mouthy listener accused me of mentioning that i lived in new york too frequently so now whenever i mention it someone's like oh i didn't know you live there and i'm like yeah it's because i never mentioned it but anyway in new york i was at a party this was in my wild and crazy days which was

i had some wild and crazy days sandwiched by like very on the straight and narrow doing everything you're supposed to days because i was i was a late bloomer like what what age are we talking about where you had your wild so in your wild oats i said my wild oats in my like mid to late 20s which i feel like is a little bit old to be sort of finding figuring out who you are and drinking too much and like just making terrible choices uh it's never late to do that yeah yeah it's never too late where were you telling me that so anyway one of my bad choices was uh at this party drinking too much there's this guy that i had a crush on i mean this is like pretty standard this garden variety bad choices but we left to go to another bar made out in the cab i was very drunk and we

get to the next bar and it's just a karaoke bar. And he, we go there so that he can do karaoke. Right. His song was one by you two. Oh, whoa. I know. Yeah. That's cool.

I know. He's a cool guy. Yeah. This guy was cool. Yeah. He was out of your league. You blew it with this guy. This guy was cool.

Yeah. But like, he was way more into the song and the binder and the bartender who knew him than he was with me. I feel like he was almost calling my bluff. Like, I dare you to stay interested in me. That's what he was doing. So anyway, yeah. Did he ask too much?

More than a lot? He gave you everything. It was all me. Yeah. It was one. Oh, oh my god i'm forgetting the lyrics i've blocked the same i've repressed them even though i i do recall when that song came out listening to it and being like i relate to this so much i feel like that song is so it's like um it's like a horoscope in that like everyone sees themselves in it yeah that's not the best metaphor but you know what i mean no that makes sense because you you think like yeah this is exactly my circumstance the thing that there's no way they could know

what your circumstance is so you're also and i feel like maybe i'm the only one the only one yes that's the song I love yeah yeah yeah I sing to my kids a lot um not like hey I care I was in labor with you for two days now you have to hear me sing more like to you know lull them to sleep and stuff um and I I start yawning and I feel like I'm not getting enough oxygen I find that it strains my voice and I'm sure that my, uh, grade school music teacher would explain that like, I'm not breathing from my diaphragm or I'm doing something wrong. I find singing sort of physically taxing. That's how weak I am. Yeah.

Well, that's, uh, you know, Mariah Carey, she passes out after every show. She's got an oxygen guy off to the side. Oh, it's exhausting. Exhausting work. Is it cause she leaves it all on the stage? She leaves it all on the side. Oh. It's exhausting. Exhausting work. Is it because she leaves it all on the stage? She leaves it all on the stage. Absolutely. That's what I do.

So what happened with this one guy? Oh, yeah. This one guy. What happened with that guy? Oh, God. It's embarrassing. It's sad for me. So anyway, I listen to him sing one.

I can't remember if he sang any more songs. And then we go outside. And then he calls me a cab. to him sing one i can't remember if he's saying any more songs and then we go outside and then he calls me a cab and then i get in the cab and i think he's gonna get in with me but then he doesn't and then it's like 4 a.m i'm wasted i'm demoralized and i'm like what the fuck but anyway i i do believe that he was not a single man and i didn't know that at the time but I did some important Facebook reconnaissance so the whole thing

is even more pathetic that is very strange but he's a very strange person that he would make out with someone and be like I want to have this affair where I do we don't have sex or carry on in any way but we make out and you watch me sing yeah like his his wife is against him doing karaoke.

So he's like, I got to find somebody on the side to do. Yes. Like my wife and I are vegan together, but with you, we're going to get burgers and do karaoke. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. It was in, in, in my defense, he was not married. I think he just had a live in girlfriend. Oh, that's close enough. That's certainly in the ballpark um dave do you ever go karaoke or have you done i've done oh boy uh i think i would say two times maybe your whole life yeah i did one time in college and me and ab Abby and I think our friend, we sang Girls and Boys by Blur.

Oh, yeah. And everyone hated us. Because we were having fun, and it's not like a singer's song. Yes, that's true. And then once on my birthday, it was a uh it was a place where you could rent a room and so just like 10 of us i hate those places too why because it's not fun yeah oh in my in my opinion i don't think it's fun i feel like it's just like oh my god we have to just all watch each other perform right now i don't i don't think it's fun. I feel like it's just like, oh my God, we have to just all watch each other perform right now.

I don't see what the fun is. I realize I must be missing some sort of receptor that would allow me to pick up on the fun that other people have with this. Because did you enjoy it? I loved it. And my friends, it was before that Guitar Hero and Rock Band came along

and would tell you how good a singer you were. and would tell you how good a singer you were. This would tell you how good a singer you were and would give you a score at the end. And I remember my friends, they did, what's the song? I forgot about Dre. Yeah. And it was a two-person song and they got like 100% on it. And it was just so, it was so fun. What about you, Graham? and it was just so it was so fun i you graham i was once tricked into i don't think it was consciously a trick but

we went into a place called the used to be called the marble arch yeah and it was at one point that's the one downtown yeah down uh yeah that's where i went that's where we did the room but it previously was a strip club so we went in and then they were like, no, it's a karaoke club now. And we were like, well, we're here anyway. So let's get in the booth and sing. I believe that that was one of the strip clubs mentioned in the Motley Crue song, Girls, Girls, Girls. That's right. It was written here in the Couve.

Yeah. You know that? That's our claim to fame. yeah know that that's our claim to fame also the bon jovi album slippery when wet uh is named after a sign uh at the number five orange strip club really i believe that was the first cassette i ever bought myself the first cassette i owned was michael jackson's off the wall but my mom bought that for me but then i went out and purchased slippery when wet myself i didn't know i was it was an homage to the cove what was the uh the what did the front cover look like on this cassette the slippery one wet cassette yeah yeah what was the album like

if i remember i feel like it was like blue and then it said slippery when wet in red. I don't know if I'm right. Very like minimalist. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't. Yeah, I don't. I only know the trivia about it. No, it's going to look it up.

Did I get it totally wrong? It's it's like black and it's it's what is it written in steam? Like like when you you're in the shower and you write it in the steamy mirror? In my memory, it was very, it was this, the colors were different in my memory. Right. Graham, do you have a signature karaoke song? We know Allison's is one. No, I mean something in the lower register of, you know, like a Johnny Cash or something like that.

Something where you can, like anything that has high notes, my voice is going to crack right away. Everybody's going to leave me and I have to go in a booth by myself. Yeah. When I was in elementary school and we first started having like boy-girl parties, one by you two was one of the slow dance numbers oh yeah did you feel like it spoke to you only to me yeah allison did you do any slow dancing with somebody before your wild years kicked in i did a little bit of slow dancing um but not with anyone that I had romantic. No, that's not true. Okay, so I went to prom with this guy who is one of my best friends.

He actually officiated my husband and my wedding. There were many years in between that. So I went to prom with him. He was just a friend, but I believe we slow dance. But there was no grinding of nether regions or anything. It was there you know there was no like grinding of of nether regions or anything it was platonic it was not like that um and then i remember uh i don't know it's been so long since i've slow danced the people still cut in like back in the day you 88 years old but did you have a dance card? Yes.

So his friend who was like in our prom group cut in and then I danced with his friend and he went to dip me and I stabbed myself on his boutonniere pin. And I was like, ah! And he's like, oh, is it your back? I'm like, no, it's my finger. Is it your back? So that was memorable. He thought he broke your back I'm really good at dipping I've broken so many people's back

um one of my favorite stories that's only very very tangentially related but for some reason in my mind it is related how do you guys feel about didgeridoos oh they're hot commodity here in Vancouver a lot of Australians living around that's my

kink so so my friend went to a concert and there was a band that and he was like standing near near the stage and the guy started didgeridooing like right at him so he was so uncomfortable that he closed his eyes and the guy thought that meant he was like really feeling the music so he just got even more intense and really focused it on him i figured out i figured out what it's related the reason it's related is because there was the misunderstanding about my going ah with the boot and ear pin similar to the didgeridoo you're wincing means you're enjoying the music yeah um here's an idea for a shirt it's a it's got it says just didgeridoo it and it's got the nike swoosh but it's a didgeridoo

it's like bent that's really good love it i also couldn't tell you what a didgeridoo looks like i'm i'm picturing a rain stick i'm picturing a rain stick they're kind of longer than a rain stick that's all i know about didgeridoos because i've seen one like a busker doing didgeridoo on like the entertainment strip here and i don't think he was doing very well i'm picturing like a super long hollow rain stick that also looks like a pencil holder yeah that's a bong i had a rain stick yeah had when well my sister one year was like uh because i christmas at christmas we would always like write lists of what we wanted and you'd go out and buy each other the things on the list and then one year my sister was like there's actually a something special for you and my dad went out to the car like my sister didn't even want it under the she didn't even want it under the tree because she couldn't wrap it so she didn't want the surprise when your dad went out to the car did you think

oh this is gonna be a car like what is he's gonna give me the car he went out to the car and came back with a rain stick which is a cactus with the needles pounded in is that really what it is yeah they pound the needles from a cactus inward and fill it with you know pebbles yeah wow huh doesn't that seem like like the hardest way to make a rain stick since it's just a tube with seeds inside basically you know what someone who's like the rain stick society is gonna have words for me because i'm sure it's way more than that but um it reminds me of like when you're in elementary school and they have music class

and they give each kid an instrument and i feel like the triangle was the hot instrument and then wood stick that you would rub like it would on that there'd be like the wooden fish thing yeah yes i like that one what was like what was your favorite of uh of the kids because i feel like tambourine was in there i feel like probably a rain stick um a flute there might have been a flute in there uh am i missing any of the big i don't know i i mean the recorder recorder but that was something that you would just everyone would have like a maraca oh maraca absolutely that's i was missing the most obvious one is maraca uh but like i feel triangle was the hot one yeah i don't recall this experience no you not have this kind of music class where and also they would rub anything you put your

mouth on they would like rub it down with rubbing alcohol is that how it was i do not recall that and it like basically you got like a big swig of rubbing alcohol before you played a trumpet at my school no i i do remember us passing around the trumpet but just the mouthpiece because they were like just see if you could make the right sound yeah but everyone do it and then we all got cold sores you did not really no i did not did did they ever comb your hair for school pictures and you all got lice no you were expected to comb your own hair before you got there oh back in my day well no not everyone got lice but i know that there was like one comb that they would use to sort of like neaten up the kids before pictures and then there

was later a lice outbreak at school and i remember thinking i didn't i didn't have it but i think maybe i had to be treated for it i think maybe how old are your kids uh elliot is three and owen is one okay so you haven't had school pictures yet elliot before uh before all this crazy mishigas as you put it happened um elliot was going to preschool and they did take some pictures there, but not like formal, traditional pictures. Because my daughter is five and she had her first, her kindergarten pictures. And the day before, like she had this idea of what she wanted and it was the best. She wanted pigtails. But then the day of she said, take one out. I just want one pigtail and one crimped.

Oh, that's cool. Is she cool? It wasn't like pigtail. It was like, yeah, braided on one side, I think, and the other side unbraided. She had braided it and then taken it out. Nice. So it was like half crazy, half normal. Is she super cool?

Yeah, she's very cool. Is she like a thought leader? She's a thought leader. She's very much a, she's done a thought leader she's she's a thought leader she's uh very much a um she's done some ted talks i think i've heard her on some podcasts yeah yeah i remember very much uh a lice outbreak in elementary school and uh we i feel like all the kids were pointing fingers at the same guy that we thought was like, this is the source.

We don't like this kid. He must be the source. And, uh, yeah, I think everybody had to, even as a precautionary measure, do you think that was fair or do you think it was him?

No, I don't think we had any facts. So we were, we were judging him. Maybe it was the person that was the cleanest in the class. I don't know how you get lice. You scratch an ape or something? I think you rub your head on a toilet seat.

But like, today they had a press conference about talking about opening up the schools in September. Oh, yeah. And I feel like the lice outbreaks are like a good analog for what will happen next yeah yes yes so what is happening there the schools are shut down right now yeah it's summer so everyone's uh what's happening here right now is everyone's surfing uh you're drinking lemonade a lot of slip and slide time no more teachers no more books yeah what about the teacher's dirty

looks are those no we did we keep that we keep that all through the summer yeah yeah the teachers all sent home a an animated gif of them giving kind of like squinting at the kids in a mean way um but what they've said is it's going to just be, um, they said something about learning groups, which I didn't look into what that is. Cause I've got, I've got a month. Yeah. Um, but these learning groups, somebody is going to be the popular learning group and somebody is going to be the lice learning group. but it's um yeah they said uh i think like like elementary school will be every day and then i think they said high school will be like two days a week staggered that would have been the best in high school are you kidding me two days a week that's it for the all the school

days and then you get to just hang out? This whole thing has been confusing for me on multiple levels. But one of them is that in general, the older I get, the more I realize, even though I fought against it when I was younger, like I'm truly an introvert. I tend to be, I can easily be a shut in. Like my sister with whom I lived in New Yorkork which i mentioned before um oh did you live in new york yes i don't talk about it much but okay i get why you are a natural um at humoring me with this game she she would get depressed if she didn't see the outside world and other people you know every frequently whereas i could easily just like hunker down in my apartment for a few days, more than a few days. And I'm totally fine. I'm kind of happy.

You know, I don't mind when things get canceled. I always if I have a social thing on the calendar, I feel stressed. So at the beginning, I was like, I know this is terrible, but I don't really mind it. I don't mind being forced to not do anything. Yeah. And everybody's on your side of the equation there's nobody out there you know right slip and sliding or whatever well yeah i mean i remember greg fitzsimmons on childish he was saying for him it was really good because like there's no fomo anymore career-wise everyone is kind of you know we're all uh in like suspended animation but i didn't have that reaction at the beginning i was like i feel all and i don't i don't care anymore but at the beginning i did have fomo because i'm like look at all these pod like i was saying look at all

these podcasts look at all these creative endeavors people are doing that like that feels so long ago though right you know now i feel like it's now that it's like no this is more a way of life i think i'm more concerned with just i don't even i don't even know what i'm concerned with it's really become like just getting through the day and the days are kind of piling up and they're all kind of the same yeah yeah yeah that's that's like a very succinct review. What's been happening? I remember at the very beginning it was like flour, yeast, toilet paper, and microphones. USB microphones.

Yes. People were gobbling them up. And I don't know if any of those podcasts made it. I hope not. Well, how many. That's not. What did I say? I hope they are still going strong.

That's what I meant. What do you think is a clever name for a quarantine podcast? Is there. If you're. You know what? If you're a couple of kids. Quarantine-ager. There.

That's the one I came up with. Yeah. That's good. Yeah. If you're a little bit younger.aren teenager there that's the one i came up yeah yeah if you're a little bit younger quaren tween they're done and then if you're a baby quaren baby nailed it yeah quaren baby yeah this is good that's the kind that's the kind of stuff you learn if you live to new york for a little while that's right i learned it on the streets do we graham do we

have a thing that we talk like that, that people say we mention too much? Because I definitely, like, there's podcasts I listen to where I'm like, oh, they're bringing up this thing again. I listen to the Doughboys, and Mitch always talks about when he was a PA for the Simpsons and when he rode crew in college. yay for the Simpsons and when he rode crew in college. There was something we brought up on the last episode that we determined we bring up like every 50 episodes or so. And I can't remember what it is. Oh, well, we do that. But that's not really a...

We talk about how MASH bums us out every five episodes. That's true. Yeah. I heard you guys talk about when mash came on you i think it was the kyle canane episode you knew it was time for bed and i remember that feeling i also had that feeling when cheers came on oh yeah that was that i can cross that off today's list but we mentioned it in today's episode what did what was it though we said something and then i i asked if we had done it on the podcast you said every

about every 50 episodes i don't know i don't know like if you think every day of quarantine it seems the same try doing 650 episodes of a podcast about nothing i do i kind of my podcast is so my podcast comes out twice alice rose'sland's New Best Friend comes out twice a week. And Monday is a one-on-one interview. Although I've done a lot of episodes with my husband. So it's like this third format that has sort of entered because of quarantine. And then Thursday is a group panel show. And that's kind of about nothing.

So I know what you mean. And just yesterday before I recorded, I was thinking, it's like I'm rolling the dice every time. Why do I do this to myself? Yeah, I mean, that's... But it worked out. That's what Larry King used to do. He would just, he wouldn't prepare anything.

That's true. And he would just go flying blind into every interview. When you do the show with your husband, now that you're n nanny free what what time of day are you doing it so we're actually nanny full again okay we started having her back um i don't maybe a month ago a few weeks ago um but before that we were doing it at like 11 o'clock at night and I have a studio, which is a separate, it's like a little structure in our backyard. Um, but we moved everything in the house and I spent the beginning of the podcast just discussing how much I hate recording in the house because it's like,

I'm surrounded by just my clutter and it, this isn't, it just feels, I don't know. It doesn't feel right. Um, and then we had a little child care staffu the other day so we had to record in the house again and again i

talked about it because i just but it wasn't the whole show the the show rebounded from my yeah the show must go on in that direction uh how can i ask you guys how do you like recording uh remotely hate it i don't mind it but i'm not the one that has to edit the podcast. Yeah. Normally, what takes me eight hours to edit takes me 16 now. And every week, the episode comes out late. Because, you know, perfectionism isn't on quarantine, baby. Perfect is the enemy of good.

Yep. I invented that. Do you invent it? Yeah. I was wondering who invented it. It's gotten popular, but I was the first one to say it and to think it. Yeah. Congratulations.

Oh, my goodness. In the future, if things go back to normal, I think know graham uh doesn't mind this i i would if we haven't talked about this at all i'm bringing it up right now when we go back to normal if we go back to normal uh how would you feel about like mostly doing it in studio and then you know once a month having a a remote oh yeah that sounds good okay yeah all right settled yeah that was tense for a moment wow i don't like it when mommy and daddy fight i didn't know which way it was gonna go but you do you you expect you'll come back here one day i assume i will at some point on an on a nice day could we do it in my backyard sure if you don't if you don't find the neighbor weed whacking which will happen as soon as the

neighbors are oh boy on both sides they are the i can't go into my yard without seeing my neighbor yeah i have wondered about that i've wondered about could i just set someone up outside and record that way but i just can't imagine it would sound good because i can hear your neighbor too yeah um my we had my parents over for dinner last night outside on the patio they were outside but you were inside uh we we were pretty low on numbers here in this part of the world uh for for covid cases but it had gone up in the last week because of a drum circle was that what happened no it was i think it's because of uh colonna the the city in the interior of british columbia that is unsurprisingly the new um kind of epicenter. Always.

I always say past guests, Katie Ellen Humphries, whenever I hear Kelowna, her joke is it's like a town that was built by blink 182. Yeah. It's a town with no sleeves. That's right. We have,

I feel like our Huntington beach is similar. Yeah. Yeah. A lot of tattoos and speed boats and stuff like that. Yeah Beach is similar. Yeah, yeah. A lot of lighted neck tattoos and speedboats and stuff like that. Big trucks. Yes. A lot of Hells Angels. Yeah.

I was just thinking that today, instead of singing in the shower, I was thinking in the shower. Oh, cool. I was thinking, always you hear about, whenever you hear about crime it's like some syndicate I never hear about the Hells Angels getting in trouble I feel like they how did they duck under our radar and like because you never hear like

a big bust of the Hells Angels does the law like to say ah they're benign have they been like grandfathered in so long they can do what they want there were some like in

in Quebec wasn't it and here there were biker wars oh that sounds like a good reality show and there was the one in Quebec it was the Hells Angels

versus the Rock Machine oh yeah Rock Machine which stepped in for Roch Vazine and then what were the what were the ones out here with the Bacon Brothers the Bacon Brothers not were the ones out here with the Bacon Brothers? The Bacon Brothers? Not Kevin Bacon.

Oh. Because you know the Bacon Brothers is the name of the band he has with his brother Michael. Yes, I know. Oh, believe me, I know. Okay. Weren't they called like the Scarlet Letter or something like that? It was the... No, they were 30-odd foot of grunt.

Hey, what? What? I can't remember. No, they were the red scorpion. Yes, he was very close with the scarlet letter. The scarlet letter would be a good biker game. Yes, absolutely. Abby and I were talking about getting rid of our cars

and buying two Harley Davidson's. That's pretty good. With sidecars for the kids i feel like if you're gonna do if you're gonna make a big lifestyle change now is the time yeah i'm not doing it but i look at these people like picking up and moving to other states and buying acres of land or so many people have relatives yeah people have usually they have a relative who has some kind of house that's just sitting you know empty and then they go there to ride this out we don't we don't have that in our families unfortunately well i mean going to going and buying acres of land is what caught my ear yeah um i i i know of two people who have

moved to properties that include acreage but to me two is a trend so that's a lot of people yeah that is uh two is a trend three is a crap very hot right now but they're moving out of cities to go to the sort of the sticks um i definitely get that like you know i'm we're in burbank which is right next to la and it's fine but i don't think either of us love this area i think you know we're here because of of our work and there's no need to be here right now if given the opportunity would you you go live in the country um i don't love bugs and herbie you don't like herbie is what you're talking about i was thinking yeah everyone has a different idea of what the country is yeah that's true and to you it's bugs yeah bugs and it's nature and it's all those volkswagens i guess um yeah i don't know i don't know like i say i would but if really faced with the option i don't think i would go to the country

i feel like i would go to like northern california or somewhere where i really like the climate more than i like very sunny la right how about you graham would i go live out in the country no i can't i can't imagine it uh imagine going for a couple days and then being like this sucks i'm gonna go what about the island no it's not for me that island living is not not for this guy which island vancouver island or or there's a many there's many gulf islands around here yeah what about you dave would you move out to the country move on to an island i mean uh uh no uh no i wouldn't but i i i get it if like everything slowed down right like it's it's okay for you know if you're like yeah no i like a city i like i like being able to have everything close by but you know

if if this stayed this way and it doesn't matter if everything's close by because everything's closed right then maybe i don't know yeah are you in vancouver city of, is it urban where you are? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I miss that. Yeah. From when I lived, you know, in New York, as I mentioned. Oh, you lived in New York? I did, yes. I don't mention it very often.

And then I lived in Brooklyn. Oh, my God. Yeah, I miss it a lot. What gang were you in? Oh, I was in the Scarlet Letter. Oh, boy. Oh, cool. Yeah.

I love those guys. I love those guys. Yeah, they're always having sex out of wedlock. Yep. That's our thing. Dave, what's going on with you man well i just read the scarlet letter by nathaniel hawthorne um it's very erotic it stars demi moore and gary oldman i'm desperately is that really the movie oh i thought you were like uh talking about disclosure or something like that.

No, it's the Scarlet Letter. But was she, she just committed adultery? Is that what happened? It wasn't just like premarital. She was already married? Yes. No one knows. Who am I talking to? I know her name was Hester Prynne.

That's got to count for something. You're well ahead of me. I don't know if she was married or not. I mean, you'd think she was. Yeah, for committing adultery. But if she was the side piece and he was married, then still she might get called the adulterer. I think she made out with, Hester Prynne made out with this guy and she had to watch him do karaoke. I mean, it's a tale as old as time yeah and the scarlet letter a stood for Allison um I here's what's going on with me I uh so I don't know if you've seen like um

news stories about how teenagers are using masks the fact that you have to wear a mask now fucking love teenagers to like dress up as old ladies and buy booze that's that rules that rules kids are so smart i got id'd the other day oh and i'm a 39 year old person yeah and then i remembered that i i hadn't even bothered to. I was wearing a mask in the liquor store. I was wearing a hat, which was a bucket head in a very old man style. And I hadn't even bothered to take my sunglasses off. So they could see no part of my face.

Yes. And for all they knew, you were a cool teen trying to put one over. The only time anyone's thought I was a cool teen. Were you like, I could just kiss you. Yeah. Oh, you flatter me. It really was that. Well, the guy did say I was very handsome, but you didn't see any part of my face. So he said he was just joshing around or did he really think you were handsome? Like, if you took off that bucket hat and those glasses, we'd really have something to work with yeah slip into my dm

what were you buying uh so i was talking to graham uh i think last on last week's episode or maybe before last week's episode there's a liquor store grandma and i live three blocks from each other and never see each other oh wow if you were really good friends you'd like go stand outside each other's buildings and yell through the windows well i do hold a boombox up playing peter gabriel that's right but it's like new peter gabriel and he's like i don't know this song yeah and it's every week so my landlord's like can we do anything about this he just released some unreleased b-sides um i was buying so there's a liquor store in our neighborhood is it called liquor barn yes and i have this terrible bad luck streak of everything i buy there is flat oh yeah you mentioned that last week that's right it was a

very hot day and i bought uh some corona which is i I don't know if you know, that's the name of the virus. Yeah. And I bought my wife some cider and the cider was all flat. So it's just apple juice, I guess. Yeah, pear juice. Oh, pear juice, sure. You can make cider out of anything. Like the former New York Ranger hockey player, pear juice.

This is funny to me. This is funny to me. Look at your face. He might have been Czechoslovakian. It was spelled P-E-R was his first name. D-J-O-O-S. If we all had that reference in our head, I know.

It'd be hard for me to pick myself up off the floor. If anyone out there wants to start a 1990s hockey podcast with me i've got the time you could call it upper deck yeah i used to crack myself up when i would go shopping and i would see a package of broccoli spears because i would imagine what if there were a britney spears um yes imitator oh my god what's the word imitator is not the word a britney impersonator yes impersonator who like was made out of broccoli or also wore brockers and it seemed so funny to me and i wasn't even high you should yeah what is uh like could you

get that going with your kids or do they not know who britney spears is i guess they don't know who britney spears is yet but i could change that yeah that's right if you think not knowing who Britney Spears is yeah it's a sad world and I don't want to live in it no I remember how Britney Spears world and we're just living in it that's yeah well not anymore it was she's yeah she's uh her father is holding her uh is that true right now well I saw something I haven't had a chance to read the article cause I don't have any free time, but, um, yeah,

whoever was, had taken over her estate is, um, she's like being held captive or something. Yeah. There's some sort of malfeasance, but nobody can, nobody can investigate it at this point.

Everybody go back to Kevin Federline. He was a good husband. Except for all that stuff he did. I forgot about that. So yeah, I got ID'd. When's the last time you got ID'd? When I was 17.

Was that the last time you didn't have a beard yes yeah no i've never i don't think i've ever been id'd except at places where the that's the rule and the bouncer has to get everybody's oh yeah yeah yeah because they can feed it into a computer about who's cool and not. Do you remember getting ID'd, Allison? Yes. I went to my producer Tony's birthday party at a bar and the bouncer ID'd me. And I was kind of surprised. Like, really?

How old were you? Oh, this was this last year. So 39. No no i'm 45 so get out yeah you i am you are not looking 45 i must say well thank you very much but i look older than 21 yes yeah okay i'll give you that yeah i think that he just id'd everyone who came in and also it was the kind of place where you... I feel like there was some black light happening. Yeah. And who knows?

That distorts everything and makes all the fuzz glow on your shirt. That's true. Yeah, that's the fun. The fun reveal. Were you doing cosmic bowling? I got ID'd at a bowling alley. Cosmic bowling makes me think of karaoke because yes uh in i grew up in orange county california and there was karaoke at the bowling is there always karaoke at a bowling alley or

was it just in costa mesa there was karaoke at a bowling alley no it would make sense if it was all it is a venn diagram of karaoke and cosmic bowling that overlaps. And then also like the third part of that would be whatever Dave and Buster's is like, I was thinking roller skating. Oh, roller skating too. That also has the black light thing happening sometimes. Yes. Yes.

Yeah. I don't, uh, I can't remember the last time I saw a black light anywhere. That's, Oh, although some gas stations here put it in so people wouldn't do heroin in the bathroom so that was i think that was the last time i saw it but it freaked me out because i didn't know it was black light and then i saw

my teeth and i was like oh god wait how does that prevent heroin can you not see your veins yeah i guess blue light you can't see your veins oh yeah, yeah, maybe it was blue light. I had no idea that was a thing. Yeah, it's like when they play a weird high-pitched thing so teens don't hang out in front of a store. If you're doing heroin... Yeah, yeah. Wait. Okay, now.

Okay, it's been a while since I've done heroin. No, that's one thing I... I mean, I'm not a drug user to begin with, but I absolutely am sure I would kill myself the first time I did it. But I would overdose and die. That's the thing that they never explained to you as a kid is like, like somebody gives you drugs and you automatically know how to take them. Yeah. But, but if you did heroin and you missed the vein.

Yeah. But if you did heroin and you missed the vein, like if you just did it into wherever in your arm, would it be like just a dull sensation or would you totally miss it? I think like something would happen to the muscle or whatever that you put heroin into. My arm fell asleep. Like just your arm gets addicted? Yeah. like just your arm gets addicted yeah i'm giving people hand jobs to get more heroin but the rest of me is like i don't want any part of this um that's a good question i feel like i've seen i saw what did i see on one of those shows that i did i you know that one show no but what is that show intervention um oh where they showed

what happens when you inject and something or other happens and like her whole arm maybe she missed the vein her whole arm puffed up or something oh yeah that'd be cool well that was like the the movie requiem for a dream did you ever see that oh yes that rom-com that was yeah that was uh i didn't laugh a minute i did not know what it was about when i when i bought a ticket and went to watch it i just thought it was like gonna be a moody film and i was like oh this is a quite quite devastating um yeah it felt like you know when the couple of simpsons kids leave a theater and they watch naked lunch i can think at least two things wrong with that title um the other thing is uh that happened this week i got id'd and i so lately i like i go out and i

wear a mask and if i'm going to the grocery store, I'm wearing a mask for a long time and my breath starts to bother me. Yeah, sure. So, so unless I've like just brush my teeth. Um, so I decided I would, uh,

chew gum while I went grocery shopping. Right. And you're a big gum chewer, Graham. I love it. Do you chew gum with a mask on? Yes. How do you keep it on?

I felt like it was just slipping and sliding all over my face. The beard gives the mask a lot of purchase. And so it kind of hangs. That's how it stays on. So I don't have to worry about it's not going anywhere around the chin. So it's the mask basically stays flat on my face. Right. Yeah.

But Dave, you have facial hair. Not like Graham. No, I know. But I meanave you have facial hair not like graham no i know but i mean you have some maybe it's well you know how shiny my forehead is of course my facial hair is very slick yeah the uh i don't know what else you're supposed to do like i don't understand how doctors and nurses wear those things for 8 to 12 hours at a time blows my mind chewing gum blowing bubbles the whole time uh that's what's going on with me what's going on with you um uh well one of the things that i did this week is uh way back in the day dave and i did a thing called bradley cooper movie club and way back in the day april maybe i know

but you know what that was another lifetime yeah exactly yeah um and everybody has so many people messaged me saying you've got to watch a movie called midnight meat train yeah star bradley cooper well my problem with this movie club that we did yes was that it was not enjoyable it was like we were trying to find the worst possible movies to watch yeah but this was this goes beyond this thing is a wild like it is i watched it over zoom with past guest mark chavez okay watched at the same time and it was it was mind-blowing it was mind-blowing in that it was not so bad it's good but uh like kind of it was competent enough but then the ending just like comes out of nowhere it comes

out of complete what's it about and who else is in it? Vinnie Jones from. All right. Lock, stock and two smoking barrels and Bradley Cooper. And then I can't remember who the woman's name was, but I, I'd never seen her before. She was just in this.

She sounds beautiful. Who plays the meat train? It's a New York train. So it's being played by. I know it. Yeah. yeah yeah yeah and she's on the six the uh yeah like the thing is is vinnie jones is killing people on this train every night and bradley cooper is it a like a subway or it is a subway yeah okay and bradley cooper's a photographer and he's trying to go for something really edgy to add to his portfolio.

So he discovers that this murder thing is happening. So he's trying to get pictures of Vinnie Jones before and after, I guess. Isn't this that movie with Jake Gyllenhaal, but just set on a train? Oh, Nightcrawler? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Except if instead of celebrities, it was Vinnie Jones.

And anyways, you can't, you know, it's a big spoiler, but you can't figure out where this movie's going. And at the very end, oh, there's one thing. So Vinnie Jones is up all night killing people. And then Bradley Cooper follows him to a butcher's place where he's working a day shift so he's up day and night this vinnie jones he's doing murderers at night he's doing meat cutting during the day and the whole twist of the plot is this train goes with the people and they

feed a bunch of goblins with the dead people and that comes out of nowhere it's just all of a sudden it's about goblins and uh yeah that was it was kind of the craziest left turn i've ever seen a movie make what did the goblins look like they were you know like uh like long heads fangs kind of pointy up nose that kind of thing oh tell me more slower um i do like that when a movie is like set in reality and then suddenly it's not yeah like it was all he's just a serial killer that's what i thought the movie was that he's a serial killer but it's not he's trying to feed these demons right it's like he's like on some kind of midnight meat train yes exactly and also there's for sure how they sold the movie is based on that name because everybody's like yeah i'll do a green light that just based on its crazy name and bradley cooper spent six weeks shadowing a photographer

yes and also a butcher and uh i've i've literally never heard of this movie no i hadn't either okay no was is this something he made early in his career yes how early but not early enough like not enough to be like oh i needed the money i was a young actor and uh i got tricked into this movie it's uh yeah it's early days but not that early it's 2008 from uh what i can tell here yeah that's not that early no he had already made uh oh boy uh he had made wedding crashers oh okay yeah But other than that, he was, yeah. And Vinnie Jones saw that movie and said, how about him to chase down me in this crazy script?

Yes. Yeah, just a lot of people messaged me and said, I got to see this thing. Yeah, they messaged me too, but I ignored them. Yeah, but that's the thing. They knew that I couldn't resist Midnight Meat Train. And they were right. I couldn't resist it.

Didn't want to resist it. Because of the title? Yeah, exactly. In the Bradley Cooper, I don't remember when we were ranking all the Bradley Cooper movies. Yeah. I don't remember. I know that the one with Lady Gaga was our favorite. Yes.

A Star is Born. Daytime meat train. And, uh, where would this rank? I mean, for sheer absurdity, it would be number two. Like it's a wild. What was the most absurd? Uh, you know, probably the Star is born or whatever because he doesn't sing he doesn't sing and i don't ever believe that he's a singer in the whole thing so you

find the one with the goblins more believable that is correct yes i uh i don't see bradley cooper and lady gaga being a couple i have seen it, even though when they were an actual couple. Chemistry didn't work for you. No, not at all. Exactly. Tell me something, Graham. Are you tired of this midnight meat train? So I watched that. And the other thing I did is I went to a yard sale and I bought a vest that has

so many pockets on it that I am in love with this vest. Go get it. Go get it. Go get it. Cargo vest. Yeah, go get your vest. What color are you imagining this vest? Oh, I'm imagining like a green fatigues. I can't decide if it's green or if it's khaki.

It's basically just different shades of green. It's hard to tell. He's entered the room. If it's orange or something, I'm going to be blown away. It's so cloudy, that camera he has. So I don't know how good, because it's dark. I think it's gray. What color is it?

It's like navy blue, so I don't know how much. Navy blue, we were both wrong. See that coming. What did you think, it was khaki or fatigue, green fatigue, olive green? No, I don't think I would have picked it up if it was that, because then it's really committing to either I'm a military guy or I'm a fisherman guy. This just is a navy blue, but it has, it's all, everything is pockets.

This is a pocket. It's a classy vest with a lot of pockets. This is a pocket. That's a pocket. There's a pocket in the back. How many harmonicas can you fit in it? I'm going to John Popper this out. I'm going to get in my blues car and be a blues traveler.

get get in uh my blues car and be a blues traveler but anyways this thing you can put beers in it and not have to carry them like i put three two in the the saddles and then one up above and it it wasn't awkward or anything so this is my new look is vest how you're a big flea market guy is that right yeah um how have you been how like what is the um climate of yard sales they're all everything is like it says on the sign that it's socially distanced and for the most part it has been and all the people who work them are all wearing masks and they're outdoors obviously so and they like it's it's three days they say it's like three the the virus can live for three days on something right yeah and uh you know i had bought this almost three or four days ago so i think i'm fine well i mean maybe the people didn't touch it for three days before they sold it it didn't look like it

had been touched in some time. And then what? They handed it to him with tongs? Of course. A new pair of tongs for every item. But my understanding is that it's questionable whether it is even transmitted on objects, right? That's true. Even though we're still wiping down everything. Absolutely.

objects right even though we're still like wiping down everything absolutely it's i've heard that as well that there have been no instances of object transmission can we go back to this blues car blues traveler yeah yeah if you're in a blues car is the way to make it a blues traveler to get to like 88 yes yes like back to the future? Yeah. When blues was popular? You hit a certain speed. Right. You hit a certain speed and then you're blues traveling. Yeah. Yeah.

No, that's exactly right. And everything sounds like a harmonica solo. And you just go into a zone. And the hook brings you back. That's right. Absolutely. So, yeah. I'm going to be a big vest guy from now on.

I like keeping all sorts of stuff like you've been a vest guy before yeah i would wear a jean vest and bully the neighborhood kids yeah yeah and you uh you had one you uh what do they call it when you're in a biker gang you're you wear your colors full patch or yeah your colors yeah yeah so that's you that's me yeah exactly um i've started a bicycle gang so there can't afford a motorcycle but bicycle was in my price range so sell your two cars that would be such a crazy pivot to make i would blow my mind can i tell you one of my greatest regrets in life and i'm not overstating it, is that I cannot wear vests.

They don't look good on me because I feel like in the same way that in high school, someone who like brought their own soda into class after lunch, like they're cool. They have been other places. They're bringing a little bit of the outside world in. If you wear a vest,

like you're, you are like, you're sort of in the world and you're wear a vest like you're you are like you're part of sort of in the world and you're sort of somewhere else cool vests are so cool vests are very cool the only thing that is not cool about vests is sometimes magicians wear them and that brings their stock down a little bit yeah um yeah i i in a puffy vest and like a wintertime vest it doesn't it's a hard it's here it's hard to wear that because we have so few days when it's cold enough right and not raining yeah you you need some kind something more waterproof but like i wear a puffy vest two days a year and

i am cool yes that's true. You never think about how sleeves are holding you back. So you see someone in a vest. Yeah, exactly. And then they become right before your very eyes, either a director or a flair bartender. Those are the two avenues that vests seem to really end up on. Can I give you guys a thought experiment? This is something that came up on can i give you guys a um a thought experiment this is something that came up on my show i alison rosen is your best friend is your new best friend yes oh sorry pardon me it's okay

people mangle it all the time i should have thought thought before i chose a title that has like 15 words in it i should have thought before three words uh so i said that i always wished i could shuffle in a cool way like you know when people are like like they do the accordion shuffles and stuff i just think that'd be so cool i thought you had like the walking like just oh yeah that'd be cool too but this is more of a this is a more portable cool thing okay yeah can you do the bridge can you do the little like where you make the that i can't yeah okay but well you're ahead of me but is that saying that much no offense oh fuck you so anyway my friend wendy who was on the show oh you got wendy who's your booker wendy molyneux she writes for bob's burgers um she was on the show and she took umbridge like i figured i could just say that i think

if i could shuffle that way that's cool and then we could move on and she's like wait a minute wait a minute if you ever did that in front of me like if i came over and you just started doing that i would then when i left your house the next person i saw who knew you i would pull them aside and be like we have to talk about allison what's going on with her let me tell you about what just happened like has uh has she been listening to the gambler what's going on yeah is she okay and so then that somehow turned into like, which would be the most weird if someone started shuffling like that? So the setting is you go over to their house for coffee. You're in there in the kitchen.

And then suddenly a deck of cards appears and they're shuffling that like that. A. B. They reach for some fruit and they juggle it. Or C. They start doing bar flair. Like, which is the weirdest it's really like where did these props come from did you produce all of them like did you come over with cards in your vest no you've gone to their house okay you are in there you're in their kitchen they're making coffee and suddenly they pull a deck of cards out of the drawer or something so they have all the it's sure it's out from last night it's their props yeah okay and they're flair bartending making a

coffee or this is the flair bartending flair bartending is the weirdest yeah because because you're because the fruit is out yeah like there's a fruit bowl they can just like i'm bored you know i i'm a fidgety guy i gotta do something with my hands or you know like he can do that cool guy thing where he rolls the fruit down his forearm yeah yeah is it that's a fun thing to see if the cards are out then sure fine you're a fidgety guy you gotta fidget with these cards but at no point are you taking a bottle of vodka behind your back and flipping it and catching it with your other hand did i ever tell you about that i live goodness i lived above a

group of uh wannabe bartenders i think they were all bar backs at the time and they would go out in the backyard and they would practice f bartending. And it was the funny, it was consistently the funniest thing, uh, at day in, day out. They were so bad at it. It's like watching a kid like doing skateboard tricks.

Do you hear like bottles smashing all day long? No, they sell bottles that have liquid in them, but they don't break so that you, you can practice the kind of juggling of it. Oh, I kind of love that. Yeah, it was, watching them, we would, every day,

every day at about four o'clock, they would go out in the yard, they would practice flare bartending. They never got it. They never got it. The one guy kind of could catch it behind his back, but the rest of them never got it. Is, because Tom Cruise made Cocktail. Yes.

Is, because Tom Cruise made Cocktail. Yes. And there were no, no one ever made another movie about player bartending. Is Tom Cruise the least influential actor in Hollywood? Interesting. I guess they never made another NASCAR movie. But they did make other plane movies. Right?

He was in Top Gun, wasn't he? That was him. Yeah, I think he was in that. He had a cameo. What do kids who are like watching movies, who are like 12 or 13, what do they think Tom Cruise is? Yeah, do they think of him the same way I thought of John Wayne? Right. Or like C Harry Grant.

Yeah. Like an icon from another era. But they also, he, he's in movies that like a kid would want to see like a mission impossible or whatever. But he, and he also looks like he's always looked like he's not, not aged at all.

And so to kids, like, are they fine with him just being around? Or are they confused why their parents are aging? Are they fine with him being around? Could you leave? Could you leave? Yeah, like, what? I don't know. I really don't know the answer to this question that I pose.

But what do you guys think? Is he like a Jimmy Stewart? Like, I doubt he's a hot commodity to them like he was to us right when we were younger so if you were 12 now you were born in 2008 that's just obscene yeah it is obscene yes cut it out uh you're you're slow dancing to billy eil. That would be a good slow dance. You just saw Midnight Meat Train in the theater. Who is like the equivalent from like Tom Cruise was born in what, 1960? Probably, yeah.

Like, well, maybe a little bit later, but definitely in that stretch of time because he was, you know, he was in The Outsiders, right? Yeah. And that was like 79, maybe? He was born in 1962. 62. So, yeah, I don't think there's an equivalent. I don't, like Madonna musically maybe is the equivalent in that she just kind of stuck around and kind of. But like for us, who's someone who, when we were 12,

was 60 and was the oldest person in the world? Robert Redford? Oh, that's a good pick. Yeah, that's actually pretty good because he's still around. He's still doing stuff. Yeah, that's a really... I think that's like a perfect... I'm still horny for him.

Was he that old, though, when we were 12? Well, we were 12 at different times. I don't know how old he is now. He's got to be in his late 70s, I guess. He's been around a long time. Like, he was around. 1936. Wow.

83. 83. Wow. He's got a birthday coming up in August. Okay. Well, I know what I'm doing. I'm going to do a live reading of Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. Oh, cool. And you know what? Robert Richards invited. If he a live reading of butch cassidy and the sundance kid oh cool and

you know what robert redford's invited if he shows up that's up to him do you think that the liquor barn would have carded robert redford if he was wearing a mask oh boy if he wears those aviators from spy game um yeah i think uh it'd be the the store owner would probably think like this is a teen who's done an amazing job of the yeah the nose and up make you know what you look a lot like bob redford gross you're a natural um should we move on to some overheards well't forget about our... We have a dumb movie club we still do. Oh, geez, Louise. I forgot all about it. Yes.

We'll zip through this because it's... Look, in the pandemic, we were like, we talked too much about the pandemic. We should have something else to talk about. Right. So we started these movie clubs and currently we're on a dad movie movie club. Yes. Where we just watched dad movies. This one will not take long.

Yeah, there's only one thing that happens in this film really yeah we so graham and i uh for our dad movie movie club now you you're married to a dad i am uh have you has he gotten any dad traits oh like developed any as since you knew him pre-dad life he he makes like dumb dad pun jokes but he made those before we had kids like i almost feel like his love of those kind of jokes made him have to have kids yes um i walked i was putting the baby to bed and i came out putting the baby to bed. And I came out and I was looking for Elliot and I saw him in the doorway to our bathroom. And Daniel, who will love that I'm sharing this story, was sitting on the toilet, going to the bathroom, but holding Elliot's popsicle so Elliot could lick it because Elliot had been eating a popsicle and it started melting and elliot like had a melt down over it melting so daniel was helping him and that whole thing i was like this is the sweetest dad moment i'm saying yes yes yeah it's um it's horrible

but these movies the kind of the signature thing about these movies is that there's a lot of there's a lot of jargon in these things a lot really is that so you've picked up with so for week one of dad movie movie club we watched the hunt for red october yeah and this week we watched uh captain phillips so the line i'm seeing is that they're they all take place on the sea yeah they all yeah so far they take place on the sea but i mean you know how sometimes you watch like a sci-fi movie and a scientist explains what's going on and then somebody goes can you dumb it down i didn't could you speak english please yeah that does not exist in the dad movie universe they're just saying jargon and i think dads are like excited yum yum jargon yeah they go to wikipedia look up all this jargon and uh because there's jargon. Because there was a lot.

There was a lot in both of these movies. Lots of sailor jargon. Uh-huh. And I actually liked this movie when I watched it. I didn't. No? You didn't like it? I don't think you said what movie it is yet.

Captain Phillips. Oh. Starring Tom Hanks as Captain Phillips. He's got an accent. He's from Vermont. That's right. He's got a crazy accent. I'm Captain Phillips. He's got an accent. He's from Vermont. That's right. He's got a crazy accent. I'm Captain Phillips.

Welcome to Vermont. Don't pirate my boat. So, yeah, it's about Tom Hanks is a pilot of a boat. Oh, a boat pilot. Yeah, these Somali pirates. It's like pilot meets pirate. And these Somali pirates come and take his boat. It's'm the captain now that's what this movie is yeah that's right you're not the captain anymore tom hanks i'm the captain also that line was improvised improvised yes but

yeah i liked it i i mean i didn't like all of it but i enjoyed it for the most part it was like good tense kind of movie and was it scary because it was described as like an adventure thriller it was uh it was kind of boring at the beginning because he's but not for a dad the dad's like this is where all the compasses come out and he's talking to his wife katherine keener who's in one scene and that's the last woman no more women in the movie uh and they're they talk very vaguely about the world nowadays man things are changing so fast yes i worry about our kids things are going to be different for our kids yeah the world is different yeah oh well it's gonna be okay um and then he goes and and does this you know, pilots his boat. Yes. And these pirates come aboard and they take him hostage.

And then the rest is just like negotiations. Yeah. It's fun and tense, but. But also a scene with broken glass, right? That's right. There is. Yes, there is a broken glass. One barefoot pirate has to or gets cut. Throughout. Is it gross? It's right. There is, yes, there is a broken glass. One barefoot pirate has to, or gets cut.

Throughout. Is it gross? It's not. No, it's dark. Yeah. But throughout the movie, there's one Somali pirate named Balal, and Balal seems to be the guy who's fucking everything up. He's the guy whose foot gets cut.

He's the guy that's supposed to be guarding Tom Hanks when he jumps out of a lifeboat. So Balal. He's too nice. Balal was like a comic relief as far as I'm concerned yeah he's like a teenager yeah and so he's not he's not hardened enough anyway they all get killed yeah it's a true story true story that's right and like the whole time I'm I'm I also looked up the trivia about the movie and it said that Tom Hanks' character, Captain Phillips, got sued by other people on the boat. Because he went too close to Somalia and they should have been way further out, away from the pirates. And everyone on the boat hated them. Yeah.

So I'm like, I read that before, and then I was watching the movie, and I was just rooting for the pirates. Yeah, I was rooting for the pirates, too, because they were the ones that had everything stacked against them. Yeah. And also, I think that the movie would have benefited from freeze frames at the end during the credits about what everybody's up to now. Oh, I love that.

What everybody's up to now. Well, they're all dead. They're all dead still. And Captain Phillips got sued by the whole crew. For being a bad captain. Yeah, for being a terrible captain. And, you know, who else? I don't remember it and uh captain phillips wife still thinks the world has changed a lot yeah it's changing

different from for millennials uh do we want to pick next week's uh dad movie or do we want to call it a career well you you i want to call i want to pick one that you've already seen so that i i all right because you're a dad. Yeah, sure. Ford vs. Ferrari. That's a dad movie. Done. I will watch Ford vs. Ferrari. Yeah. That, to me, is going to be like

the Hunt for Red October mock-to. It's going to be just a lot of jargon again. Is there... I don't know what the plot could be. This is our, by the way, this is our last movie club. We do not need something else to talk about. The show is too long.

Well, yeah. Okay. Ford versus Ferrari. And now let's move on to some overheards. Hi, I'm Allie Gertz. And I'm Julia Prescott. And we host Round Springfield. Round Springfield is a new Simpsons podcast that is Simpsons adjacent.

In its topic, we talk to Simpsons writers, directors, voiceover actors, you name it, about non-Simpsons things that they've done. Because, surprise, they're all extremely talented. Absolutely. For example, David X. Cohen worked on The Simpsons but then created a little show called Futurama. That's our very first episode. So tune in for stuff like that with Yardley Smith,

with Tim Long, with different writers and voice actors. It's going to be so much fun. And we are every other week on MaximumFun.org or wherever you get your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know, if you're lucky enough to have heard something in the past or maybe heard something in the present, it's rude to keep it to yourself. You should share it here on the podcast.

And we always like to start with the guest. Allison, would you lead the charge? Yes. Okay. So given that you just said it could be something you heard in the past. on the podcast and we always like to start with the guest allison would you lead the charge yes okay so given that you just said it could be something you heard in the past now i have three of them whoa okay this is beautiful i've i've come to play first of all it's an overseen and just a shout out to an overseen i'm in a group text and the Amazon listing for Harrybo sugar-free gummy bears. Yeah. Oh, you know about this?

Have you seen it? Okay. So they create all sorts of intense gastric distress and the descriptions, the reviews of the insane pooping that I like rubbing and rubbing the tears away so go look at that uh in high school in the same like we gotta go we gotta go and do the research yeah yeah there's a rapid fire you brought three so we don't have time for this yeah no really i thought about trying to read one but they're it very dense. It's a lot of reading. Yes.

In the same way I don't like singing. So in high school, we all were reading Catcher in the Rye. And you're familiar with the book, yes? Yeah. Holden Colfield. I was in math class. Bunch of phonies. And I was in math class, and I overheard a cheerleader say to a water polo player,

it's okay, but Holden is just so negs on life. That's a vintage overheard. And then a more recent overheard. I'd love to slow down. Okay. Yeah, these are great. You had water polo players at your high school. You had a water polo team.

We did. Yeah. And they, all the water polo players, they smelled like chlorine and they wore flip flops. That's how you knew. That's. And they were the coolest guys.

And they wore those, those helmets that covered their swim caps that covered their ears. Yes. And they wore goggles. wore those those uh helmets that covered there's the swim caps that covered their ears yes and they wore goggles is water polo the silliest sport of all the sports is water polo like like super silly like how did that become a an event or yeah it is it is weird and dumb yeah like what else is like shooting kind of, I think is like a weird one. If you're going to like, but at least that's practical.

I think shot put shot is weird. Yeah. Yeah. It's weird. Cause you can't, you're not even, you don't even use a throwing motion. You just have to go from your arm.

It's like, yeah. Yeah. And also, uh, um, the modern pentathlon.'t that weird was like karate and cooking and all this kind of stuff it's it's five events it's five like it's five things you need it's swimming and running and shooting and fencing horse riding and fencing and fencing. Those might not be all right,

but it's five things you need to do if you are a prisoner of war in 1900 or something. It's like to escape. But like they don't have an event where you have to like pee in a bucket or whatever. No, they don't. Or like dig under a wall or anything like that. That would be good.

That would be pretty good. An under wall dig. With a spoon. Yeah, a spoon. Exactly. They should just make an Olympics of the things you need to do to join the police academy. Yes. You mean the movie.

Yes. Like climb a wall. Sound effects. Sound effects. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Dave, does that all three of them? That was two she has one more i have one more uh now i heard you say on the kyle canane episode that they can be um you can break the rules your guests can break the rules although this was overheard i wouldn't i don't know if i would say it was exactly overheard as much as it was said to me.

However, I did overhear it. I heard it. So when we get, we've been getting groceries delivered. And when we get them delivered after we clean them off, Elliot, my three-year-old, likes to sort of help us unload them. Yeah. And so I overheard him say, here say here you go mommy tampons for your butt that that counts oh buddy that is so good oh man my favorite my favorite uh yeah and i like yeah and i'm not gonna dispute that i don't know I don't know if he's right or wrong. Yeah. Well, I can tell you he's wrong, but.

He's close though. Close. Exactly. But he lacks in precision. It might take him another 39 years to figure out just what it is. I'm not sure his dad knows exactly. No one knows exactly. Nobody can exactly know.

That's true. I don't think he could possibly know. That's great so when you order groceries i'm i've been hesitant to order groceries because i i ordered groceries in the past prior to the the uh pandemic and i'm it's a bummer because you don't they don't get get everything you order no they don't like it's It's like 80 to 90% accurate at the best of times. And then I'm just worried that you're going to have to make a trip to the store to get the right stuff anyway. Also, I like grocery shopping. Am I alone in that?

I love grocery shopping. It's weird to me that I haven't been once during this whole thing. In fact, maybe I will go. I don't know. It seems like people are doing it pretty safely. You owe it to yourself. Yeah. I do.

As long as you have a mask on and you know to follow the arrows of what aisle is down and what aisle is up, it's not freaky. And even if it's not crowded, I don't freak out about the arrows yeah that's true because like no one else is following the arrow uh but yeah it's i i i like the act of i don't find it to be like a chore i like going like seeing what's new in the cereal aisle i like to see the bulk bins all taped up because nobody can have bulk anymore. Bulk's over. It's not going to come back, is it? No. Like the handshake. It's never coming back.

That's the end of that. Dave, do you have an overheard? Yeah, I do. Speaking of grocery stores, I was at a grocery store and I was buying two things. And so I didn't need a bag but as i was paying for my stuff someone was starting their shift as a cashier and one of the my cashier went and said to this uh arriving cashier they just said uh sarah you missed it we We had a Karen. Oh, wow. To see one in the wild.

My goodness. Yeah. And Sarah just said, oh, no, what happened? And I left. I didn't find out what happened. She probably called the cops on the grocery store. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Yeah.

I don't know that I've. I haven't seen one. I haven't seen one. Have you seen one, Allison? I don't know that I've... I haven't seen one. I haven't seen one. Have you seen one, Allison? I don't think I have. No, everyone's been either... Does that mean that we're all the Karen? Yes, if you don't know who the Karen is in your group,

you're the Karen. I got bad news for you. Yeah. No, I think it's just like... I've seen a lot of people who are just, you know, not wearing a mask and not following the rules, not taking care. But I think, you know, you can course correct for, you know, one in ten not doing that. Yeah.

But pretty good. Pretty good. Yeah. Overheard. How about you? Mine comes in the form of what I was surprised I said in a moment. Oh, so this is very much breaking the rules. This is very breaking the rules.

We only recorded the last episode a day ago. So I haven't been out except to buy this vest. And I mean, there was no overheard there. It was like, well, how much do you want for it? $2? Good doing business with you. No, my overheard is because I mean, it's an overseen i saw a guy

at noon peeing in a hedge he was wearing a mask which is crazy he was wearing a mask down under his chin and peeing in a hedge which i think is nighttime only activity yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah like enough businesses are open that you can go in and ask politely or buy a coffee or whatever. So this guy was doing that. And I was like, he wasn't doing it far enough away from where like somebody could be like walking by with a stroller or something. So I didn't know what to say. I didn't know if I was like going to say, hey, you or I see you. I didn't know what I said. And I ended up saying, oy.

How close were you to him? Uh, I was across the street. So I, yeah. So I yelled away and he, he must've pinched it off. Cause he,

he took off immediately. Wow. Oi. Oi there. I can't remember the last time I peed in public. Um, no, I, I mean, Wow. Oy. Oy there. I can't remember the last time I peed in public. No. I mean, maybe after being at a bar and it being like three in the morning or something. And, you know, me being drunk and, you know, no cops around.

I think the girls, the kids very close to like learning toilet training. We told them like, yeah, you can pee anywhere you want. As long as you don't pee your pants. As long as we don't have to change diapers anymore. Personally, I haven't. Allison, what's your stance on the public peeing?

The last time I peed in public, is this possible? It was when I was in college. In New York? It was when I was in college. In New York? There was this... No, this wasn't in New York. But thank you.

There was this cabin in the woods where people would go and have parties. But I didn't know that there was no bathroom at the cabin. It was like a little house, but there was no bathroom. And they made their own Kahlua, which was like made out of vodka and coffee grounds so I show yes I show up I had also there was like all these it later burned down there was a lot of things wrong there was all these switchbacks to get there so it was like a harrowing drive there and then you get there and

it's like you have to like hike to get there so I remember I was just so winded I could barely breathe and then i get handed like a big chunky glass of kalua because i had the ground still in it right when i get there i down it and then i need to pee and that's when i find out okay here's some toilet paper you have to go in the woods i was like god damn it um so i peed in the woods which i hate and i believe that was the last time that like i said i don't like bugs that was my more socially acceptable way of saying i don't love nature always so i don't really i try not to pee in public yeah that's this story's made me have to go pee so bad

me too kind of okay i i have to take a break come back with a vest could you guys tell have to take a break. Dave, come back with a vest. Could you guys tell that I was dying during that story? Yeah, you were squirming around a lot, and I wasn't sure what was happening. And when we broke for overheards, I asked if anyone needed to take a break, and you were all

like, fine. And I was like, okay, I guess I can muscle through it too. But then it was just like, let's tell our piss stories. I have to know, how do you make homemade kalua i think it's just coffee and vodka i mean it's not nice yeah it's not real kalua but it's you know kalua it's as close as basically you're making coffee and flair bartending at the same time. That's right. Yes. That's one of my patented pee thoughts. We also have overheard sent in by listeners. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to sbyatmaximumfun.org.

This first one comes from Joe in Berkeley, California. I was walking past a house as some people were stepping out onto the front porch. As one of them was coming through the doorway, I heard him say in a thoughtful tone, I don't think mom and dad knew what quinoa was. I don't think I do either. Oh, boy. Which is fair, because I don't know what quinoa is. Yeah, I don't know.

I couldn't. I've had it. Mm-hmm. But what is it? It's a grain. I couldn't tell you where it comes from yeah does it come from wheat or corn or but i guess i couldn't tell you where rice comes from patties i think that's right no they come from uh like those water they're like water based because the rice has to be all in

water and they have yeah they have those steps and patties patties yeah i don't know where oats come from that's a good question are those sweet yeah maybe but why is oat milk can people who are gluten-free can drink oat milk oh really yeah huh yeah so no yeah i mean i don't feel so dumb that i don't know what quinoa. I have no, I don't know what quinoa is. Quinoa's origin story. I don't know what oats are. I'm not even sure they're of this world. I could, I also couldn't tell you couscous.

Yeah. What is couscous? It's kind of like quinoa. If we were just to name the grains that we know where they come from, it'd be a shorter conversation. Yes. Yeah, absolutely. Spaghetti. Sp spaghetti comes from wheat or corn maybe also from corn pizza comes from corn yeah yeah yeah um have you ever seen something where you're like like have you ever seen a video of where

coffee beans come from and you're like what like, have you ever seen a video of where coffee beans come from? And you're like, what the fuck? Like, how did they figure this out? Because it comes in like a weird cherry kind of thing. Same with cashews. Yes. Yeah. It comes from like a berry or a cashew apple or something.

And it's like cashews sticking out. But like everything, like for millions of years or thousands, tens of thousands anyway people were just like tasting stuff and being like is this a food what about now what if i roast it what if a jungle cat eats it and poops it out and then we roast it yeah yeah how did they discover that it was a dare i think it was a dare i someone gave me a bag of that and i never drank it no but i don't think it's done in the wild anymore i think they like like farm the animals and force them to eat this these coffee beans and they love it though it keeps them up in the morning just a total monster until they get you know at 3 p.m., they got to have another one.

This next one comes from Anna from Denver, Colorado. I was wasting time at the local Target while waiting to get my flu shot. This must have been for a long time ago. Were people getting flu shots in the summer? Summer flu shot? He saw an older man in the little girl's toy aisle he was really studying the toys and uh his wife came up to him and she proceeded to ask him did you find something the man looks down in his hands at the toy he is holding uh which is he says i don't know i'm holding something but i have no idea what it is i look closer and it was one of the giant

lol doll balls and i have never related more to an elderly man in my life dave do you know what that means yeah yeah okay what does that mean because it was like code okay but why did you bring it up and just so i could explain what LOLs are? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I want to know, too. There's these little balls, mostly little baby girls. Some of them are boys. There's little ones with penises. There's also cats. There's LOL, and there's LOL hair.

So there are these balls. They're called LOL Surprise, and they come in a plastic ball, and you take the top and bottom off and inside there's a doll and it comes with accessories and clothes and it's about yay big. It's like three inches tall with a giant head and a tiny body. And they, it's the whole thing about them is that they're a surprise. You don't know which one you're buying.

It might be a cat, might be a penis. Well, I think you can, you can choose the genus, the genus be a penis. Well, I think you can choose the genus. The genus of the penis. The genus of the penis.

And they all somehow incorporate water. So their heads are very squishy. And so you can soak them in water and they either cry. They're a crier. Or they are a tinkler where they pee. Or they are a spitter i think are the three uh denominations this to me is like so many steps and levels to it it became a thing of like for the last three years it was just like all right let's put one in a stocking uh okay easter's coming out well we don't really give presents at easter but, you know, let's add an LOL.

So we now have a giant collection of LOL dolls. Which your kids will treasure forever, I'm sure. Pass them down to their kids. They're actually not, you know, given the amount of toys that they have that they don't play with. Oh, I don't mind the LOLs because they will you know play around with them yeah i feel like i need to get my kids lols you got to introduce them early that's the most important thing get them lol does as soon as possible yeah it's true like all the parenting books tell you to get them yeah because then then you're ready for kinder surprises as they get older. Yes, for sure.

This last one comes from Roxanne, Parts Unknown. My friend Alex was a big stoner in high school, and he and a guy we knew named Jason had taken some acid or mushrooms or something like that together when Alex's mom, a very proper French woman, asked both boys to stay and have dinner at their house with her husband, a very square

very lovely man. As they were going into the dining room, Alex pulled Jason aside and said, listen I have to use the washroom. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone. Jason nodded vigorously. Alex finished up in the washroom and as he came back, he

heard the last line of an anecdote Jason had been telling and the line was, and that's how he got the name Cumshot Pete. Wow. The idea of doing hallucinogenic drugs before dinner.

Yeah, if you eat mushrooms before dinner, you're spoiling your appetite. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, anyways, I love the amount of detail in that overheard. Yeah. Ends with a bang. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, oh my God, this episode is so long, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-7797-631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1. Like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham. Just calling from the park

where I just had an overheard. I heard a woman say to her group of friends, my grandma likes everyone, so if she loves you, don't take it as a compliment. Thanks, guys. She's indiscriminate, so... She doesn't like you.

I don't want you getting a big head after you meet my grandma. But she is the coolest lady on the block, so I can understand it. I don't know anybody that's that positive that they like everyone. I guess a Lab anybody that's that positive that they like everyone. I guess a Labrador retriever is probably as close. Yeah, I guess, yeah, dogs. Do people get a big ego after they meet a nice dog?

All right, here's your next phone call. Graham, Dave, and possible guest. This is Jill in Halifax. Anyway, I often worked at Starbucks in the pre-COVID and pre-baby times. And although I have a pair of noise-canceling headphones, I don't really like wearing them while I'm working. But I keep them as a backup in case people are too loud around me. So one day I sat next to these two women and it became really clear really fast that one was trying to sell the other into becoming part of a multi-level marketing scheme. I think it was skincare products, but to be honest, she hardly talked at all about the product. It was mostly kind of self-help mumbo jumbo. And I really just wanted to tell the other girl to run

as fast as she could away from it. Anyway, at one point, the seller said, you'll be skiing in the Swiss Alps thinking, I can't believe I'm getting paid to do this and yeah i was at that point i put on my headphones okay and she thought what they were selling was skin products yeah yeah okay all right i think uh facebook is is um a lot of people i used to know in high school are just trying to sell skin products now. And too bad my skin's already so shiny. Yeah, so there. You put one over on them. All right.

Here's your final phone call. Hi, Dave Graham and Possible Guest. This is Amanda calling from Spencer, Ohio, and I have a COVID-related overheard. I'm a veterinary technician, and we have instituted some curbside service since April, I think. But regardless, the other day I was returning a pet to its parents. I was in the parking lot, and I walked by my coworker who was having a conversation with a client who had walked up to the doors, as they often do, because they don't understand that they need to stay in the vehicles and call. But what I heard was the client saying, that says do not enter, but I can come in, right? Well, off I go. Yeah, you're the exception to the rule.

How do you like that? Yeah, do not enter is like, I don't know what that means, really. What it means or what it means. Yeah. Yes. It's like seeing a slippery one wet sign. You're like, is this just a tribute or is this actual? Right.

Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode uh allison you have not won but two podcasts that people can download uh each and every week twice on the one show and then one on the other or uh yeah well actually allison rose's your new best friend is every monday and thursday and then childish which is my parenting ish podcast and i say ish because i think like half of our listeners don't have kids you don't really need to have kids but if you have them we do talk about parenting stuff uh sometimes um and that comes out right now every other week on wednesdays and that also we put full video episodes up on youtube of childish great uh that's uh race to your computer i say don't stop please run that's right yeah and uh they record that somewhere they have a great filter for everyone's skin unlike us that's uh where our skin is so

shiny no we are like we're like somewhere in between graham's matte filter and your shine filter and we just look sultry yeah yeah, yeah, absolutely. That's the look I was going for, was sultry. Sultry, yeah. Yeah. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. That was fantastic fun. Thank you for having me. This was so much fun.

It was so nice to see and talk to people that aren't my family. Yes, yes. A little getaway time. This is our first episode after the Max Fun Drive, I think, if my calendar's correct. And I want to thank everyone for supporting the show this year. I know times are tough, and we really appreciate everyone who dug so deep.

Absolutely. And thank you so much, all of you out there, for listening and supporting the podcast. Be safe, take care of each other, and join us next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.