Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 648 - Jordan Foisy

Episode Date: August 18, 2020

Comedian and writer Jordan Foisy joins us to talk favourite pants, the Wonder Woman Blizzard, and renting a car. Plus Dad Movie Movie Club concludes with Ford v. Ferrari.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka. And he's Graham Clark. And together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 648 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who is on the short list for Joe Biden's running mate, Mr. Dave Shumka. Oh, you've been working on intros? No, I just thought of that this afternoon.

Yeah, I'm on the short list. I think it would be cool if like a fashion magazine had something called the short list and it was just fashionable pairs of shorts i bet they do that every like say june yeah this is the shorts you need this summer oh man the lengths that are in yeah what was the length this year short yeah i mean it's always short shorts for me oh yeah what do you wear the like wear an Adidas running short, that kind of thing? I wear cut-off jeans. Where the pockets are hanging out? Pockets hanging down.

Yeah. And a little shadow of like, what's that little shadow underneath? And it's my penis. It's your penis, yes. Okay, yeah. Our guest today, a very funny comedian. He's a writer on Vice and at the television show 22 Minutes,

and he's very funny. We're glad to have him here. It's Jordan Foisy. Hey, guys. Thanks so much for having me. Thanks for being on the show. Oh, I love it. I love that I got a fellow

cut-off short wear to talk to oh no i'm joking you're not oh no buddy i'm keeping them real high real high oh no it was mine was a like a character study no no mine's a very serious very realistic thing i used to love making cutoffs yeah yeah how low would you go i would go like i would go i would here's what would inevitably happen i wouldn't go too hard into the planning right i would just kind of take a pair of scissors and be like it's hot time to do this and i always pick out a pair of jeans that had it coming like they were the kind of jeans i was like these guys are these guys are no fucking good anymore and then i would go in snip snip snip inevitably one leg would be higher than the other and uh yeah and then i'd kind of

ride that lookout for the rest of the summer yeah i can't do it because it's the uh jeans the it's the crotch that that's the hot spot for me it's like i've never been like oh my calves could really use airing out i've been like there's a swamp underneath oh so your legs are fine the crotch is where all the heat it's a real heat yeah yeah not to brag no no no it's hot spots dave's crotch my crotch is so hot yeah yeah that's actually the the article that's right after the short list is like this summer's hot spot dave's crotch underneath the dave's gonads have you ever thought about just going for a crotch cut off crotch like cutting off my crotch like not your pants not your i don't want you to maim yourself oh like a like a like chaps like chaps yeah um i guess yeah i guess i should think about um yeah like jeans denim just denim denim chaps jeans old jeans but just like the crotch open yeah uh for business and um

i guess i still have to wear underwear yeah i'm like uh listen we're spitballing this is yeah exactly no wrong answers in the room yeah this is just i don't listen we're spitballing this is yeah exactly no wrong answers in the room yeah this is just i don't know we're worried about your incredibly hot crotch i am i don't feel like i'm a freak of nature for saying that no you're right i'm also of the hot crotch uh extraction a couple hot crotch boys what am i doing i got this cold you i don't like what are you doing right what can you teach us how do i get a cool crotch um i don't really know it's um all my heat's coming out the neck i got a hot neck hot neck how's my neck doing oh yeah pretty hot you got

a hot neck too there we go yeah but i'm nothing compared to what's going on in crotchville yeah oh boy crotchton do we want to get to know us yes get to know us jordan i very much felt that when you said that you took a pair of jeans that had it coming and turned them into shorts because i did this very same thing this summer and then the crotch completely blew out on them must be too hot down there but i was like this is the reason you were out of rotation as jeans i love that they had one last betrayal like saved for you yeah exactly it felt uh i gotta say did that come out of left field or were they always you know they lacked crotch integrity no it like it was a slow wearing of the crotch and then uh then i turned them into pants and then i tried to get on a bike and that was like like what lenny kravitz's pants what was

your favorite do you own a bike no but I was getting on one. This is why. What's your favorite pair of pants you ever had? I used to have like a pair of like brown kind of check, like kind of like plaid pants. And I blew the crotch out on those and couldn't find them anywhere online. It's like they don't exist. Dude, your crotch is thermonuclear. That's insane. Just like every every pant do you do you have a favorite pair of pants jordan do i have a favorite pair of pants um from your whole life because i can tell you about mine if you're please please

go to yours i i might not sing on it but i don't think i've ever had a pair of pants that i like truly loved i it's one of those things where like they got better the longer i had them i had a pair of corduroys that the corduroys rub had rubbed together for so many years that the ridges like there were flat parts on it oh Oh, that sounds nice. Right around. Oh boy. It was around the crotch area. If I had to pick one area. Yeah. I guess it was like smoke coming off. You can barely see the road.

I love the idea of you wearing these cords, completely normal cords on the leg, on the waist, and then just in the crotch zone, completely flat. Yeah. Everyone's like, what's going on?

And black. They were like khaki but khaki for the rest of them. But they'd been singed. I've never loved a pair of pants that hard. So I might just be like whatever jeans I got going on right now. I always have one pair of jeans that I

wear 80% of the time and then assorted other pants. This is what I'm wearing. Well, you love the one you're with. That's the thing. You've got a great pair of pants now. Enjoy them, I say. Do you have a favorite article of clothing?

I have. Follow up. You guys really are into this fashion thing. I didn't think we were going to go full. I mean, it would be good if we could start like a fashion podcast but i guess the problem would be we would run out of like we've already burned our pants stories that's true crotch tails on fashion crotch tails i do have i have a i have two i have probably two favorite shirts right now i have a t-shirt that's by this artist.

I think her name is Drake Cereal or something like that. She does like, she does like the Raptors and stuff like that. And so it's like a cartoony picture of all the Raptors. Oh, okay. That's good. That's my favorite. And then I have another shirt that's like buttoned up and it's very cool. It's like little colorful swirls and i don't know what the patterns are

but every time i wear it one person will tell me what the patterns are cool like like they'll be like oh it's uh it's gingham it's not but something like that right yeah yeah yeah yeah um so jordan yeah tell us how how's your uh time in this uh craz okay? I mean, I feel like this sums up my craziness pretty well. Today, I went to the drugstore to get a new mask because the current mask I had, it didn't feel tight. It was a little loose.

Right. On the bag, on the mask, it just had a picture of a black mask and it said it was adjustable. So I bought it and then when i opened up the mask is actually a leopard print oh man so that's i feel like that and now i'm like i guess i guess i'm just gonna wear this thing yeah you're that guy yeah yeah i'm the sexiest safest guy in town like it looks like my mouth just recently divorced the rest of my face i'm a new woman exactly wow this mouse really stepping out yeah

um oh that's cool i don't know it's probably been the same as with you guys it's like there's a sort of um you know there's that initial kind of what the fuck's going on and then kind of fear i remember being i was like really afraid when it started and now it's kind of like annoyed like i don't you guys remember like washing your groceries yeah yeah like getting over in the grocery store filling the sink with soapy water now it'll be like that time for the new normal let's do this now that i've done it i'm gonna keep doing it people are pawing the fruit and you know holding things up and digging around in the avocados yeah i like to go home just so you know dip my frost flakes of flakes in the avocados. Yeah. I like to go home just to, you know, dip my frosted flakes of flakes in the bathtub.

Then you hang them up with tiny little clothespins. You guys are getting in there with them. Oh yeah. I get in the bathroom with my groceries. Save water. Yeah, exactly. Oh man.

Um, uh, Jordan, you're a writer. Uh, you've written some amazing things uh for vice and one of my favorites was when you went to i think it was like a was it a motivational oh the money one yeah yeah yeah it was a um i don't know if it has it in vancouver i know it's like traveling around is it one of those things where they just advertise on tv and you're like and you're like what the hell is this thing it was it was i only saw it on the subway i think maybe they would have commercials on like cb24

which is like a 24-hour like news thing yeah but it was this um like uh this kind of like convent it was a convention for like making money. And also Bitcoin was in there as well. It was like, Oh, it was called the wealth expo. That's what it's called. It was like the wealth expo.

And so it had all these people that like, it was all these people giving speeches. And a lot of it was like kind of snake oil salesman guys, like a lot of like really sketchy, like believe in yourself and you will become a wallet filled with money like that kind of like weird like like pseudo self-help shit but also like very very greedy but then also there the other speakers the draws were alex rodriguez from the yankees wow yeah and then and then pitbull who did who did a concert at like 4 p.m and it was like amazing it was so good i would trust him

for like a wealth expo he looks like wealth but the the other thing is his speech was like kind of like socialist it was like no one should believe in money we need to support schools that's good it was like very generous and then to kick it off was Sylvester Stallone. Or he ended it, sorry. And he gave an incredible rambling sort of monologue. Like it was very dazed. He was kind of punch drunk. And it was like very charming.

He talked about how he wanted to fight Schwarzenegger all the time. It was great. But what is that? How's that supposed to help me get wealthy? None of this was going to help you get wealthy. In fact, it probably made you a little less so, right? Because you had to pay whatever amount to get into the thing. If you were, I got it covered.

You know, they needed my, it was one of the few journalistic perks I ever got. But yeah, it was like 200 bucks. It was like really expensive to get in there that's insane and they would say you because you got to network and stuff there was one guy who was like okay like a full super villain he was stark bald like you know that like aggressive bald that some guys do yeah pitbull yeah pitbull yeah yeah no this had way more shine than pitbull this was like this was pristine and he um and he was jacked and he was like a hypnotist and and he was like all and he at one point he bragged about he's like the youngest person ever hypnotized a baby

he talked about hypnotizing a baby and how money is like good and all this stuff i'm like this guy is literally evil this is an evil man first of all money is good second of all hypnotize a baby if you get a chance money's good baby's easy to hypnotize no problem do you remember uh he used to have infomercials i think his name was tom vu oh and he would be on like a yacht with with women in bikinis and he was like trying to just sell success and you i i'm assuming it was some kind of course you would buy right i don't remember that but that's exactly that's exactly the vibe of this whole everyone was like that like selling dvds for you to watch about how to become rich anyways long story short i'm fucking rich as hell it totally worked yeah congratulations thank you graham thank you thank you for

congratulating me on my on my financial success um we post a picture of uh uh what uh you know the little uh chat we got going for every episode um and yeah like jordan's being modest he just he moved the camera away from his he's got his big bitcoin vault and he's just swimming in this is my ugliest wall yeah this is my wow that's bragging yeah like this is like my other walls are huge murals of myself. This is like how Colbert started to do like when he did it from home and you could tell they were like, OK, find the only part of your house that doesn't look gaudy and rich as hell. Yeah, like he's in like some shack with a bookshelf. He's like, come over to your old friend Stephen's house.

It's like, get the fuck out of here. I bet a lot of time went into choosing which books would be there too oh big time big time if he switches them every episode that could be a fun little easter egg yeah people could imagine being that die hard of a late night with colbert fan there's gotta be there's gotta be something out there yeah some like newly single aunt just hanging on just clinging when i was in my 20s i would watch conan every night and letterman as much as i could uh and then i yeah no no leno come on leno i would tape leno so i could so i could you know pause it and really just like absorb yeah like that was kind of like school the next day um and i would and then uh i would watch it so i think i watched probably the daily show then maybe i would watch the first half hour i watched colbert and then the last

half hour of letterman and then conan and now i don't watch any of that oh yeah yeah we were in the golden we were in the golden age and they're all still around except letterman but it's like i just it's i i just wonder what i would be doing if i had the time and i was like into that what what would i be doing every night rogan dude rogan you'd probably be on like a ham radio or something that's what that's how i picture uh somebody with unlimited free time ends up talking to somebody on a ham radio just just finding a person another person out in the out in the universe yeah like hey this is neat yeah this is better than the internet because i can actually communicate with someone and that person's a huge alt-right freak yeah oh fuck um what are the fanciest houses you've ever been in because you brought that up

like you know stephen colbert's mansion what's the house that you've been in where you're like holy shit um other than mine yeah other than your house no you can't say your own house that's pretty fucking fancy um i haven't been in anything too crazy um i think the one that jumps out immediately is i went out with a friend to this place called king city it's like due north of toronto okay with a friend to this place called king city it's like due north of toronto okay and uh we just went to and this place wasn't very nice but they or it was really nice but it was more like the people like it really felt like i was in an episode of the oc like i truly felt like it was very like it was very like rich teen dramatic kind of like 20 something energy and so that's more what i'm picking up like the house was nice but the people like they had a lot of like 20 something energy. And so that's more what I'm picking up. Like the house was nice,

but the people, like they had a lot of like future, like mysterious car accident energy. Like that was like, that was kind of their vibe, right? Yeah. Someone's going to drown off a yacht.

There was for sure one future yacht drowning in the room that's funny so that was what about you graham what's the nicest house you've been in the nicest house i think i've ever been in was at a friend's house in high school that threw uh through a party yeah and uh nobody knew that he was like son of like the, one of the biggest lawyers in all of Canada. So he had this huge mansion and it was just kids partying in it and going crazy. It was the best fucking thing ever. Did he have a pool table?

I think he did. And I think he also had just like, like a bar built into the wall. Like kids were making, making each other kids drinks. Just everything's all sticky. god my mansion's sticky you know what i equate with a really it's not i know it's not even that rich but when i see it i think the person's rich you know when people have their frying pans hanging in the air yeah yeah i'm like that person's fucking loaded like that's crazy

that's a nice retirement plan yeah yeah hanging your pots and pans loaded. Like that's crazy. That's a nice retirement plan. Yeah. Yeah. Hanging your pots and pans. That's true. That's something I only ever see in movies. It's like your ceiling has to be so high because it's like, it's good.

They've got to be hanging in a way that it's not blocking your eyeline. Yeah. I've never had an apartment where I wouldn't be like, oh yeah. If you have a basement suite and you just tangle them down. I thought this would make me feel rich, but my face is killing me.

I'm like, you know, getting beaten up by Sylvester the Cat. Or who's a big... Who's a big pan guy? Swinging around pans back then. Yeah. Jerry, Tom. Yeah, Tom. Tom took a lot of pans to the face.

Was Tom and Jerry, in your recollection, funny at all, ever? I would say yeah. Yeah? Like when you're a little kid, you're like, this works for me? I think so. I don't really think I got any... Because I started watching The Simpsons pretty young, so I don't think I i got any joy because i started watching the simpsons pretty young so i don't think i really liked like any like the kid uh funny cartoons like i never really

got a lot of joy i have no like real nostalgia for like looney tunes or anything like that yeah looney tunes was definitely funny looney tunes is like legit funny yeah but i didn't as a kid i didn't appreciate it probably as much as i do now but like yeah tom and jerry like compared to like mickey mouse which was i i couldn't i don't know if i watched a whole mickey mouse that like short what what was mickey mouse what is how did he have like what did he what was mickey mouse even doing like i'm not saying he's not i'm not like he's definitely not funny but i don't know what he is like he's into having friends yeah like what's his conflict what's going not funny but i don't know what he is like he's into having friends yeah like what's his conflict what's going on there like i just picture mickey mouse

walking from one end of a street to the other and that's like the whole thing yeah and he's whistling the whole time yeah they're just like yeah they're a lot of just like trying out animation mickey mouse's whole thing is bending at the elbow for the first time. Yeah. Whoa. We can make them do that now. That's sick. Check it out.

He's got a mug. Watch his fingers. Yeah. There's only two, only two fingers so far, but we're doing pretty good. Yeah. Well,

I think Mickey Mouse was just, it was like a corporate icon that was just kind of shoved down your throat. Yeah. He was just always pushing product on us yeah yeah he's like come visit disney world yeah blow the crotch out of your pants on a crazy log ride hey everyone check out captain eo i'm mickey mouse and i recommend captain eo hey mickey mouse here if you're gonna get bitcoin

get disney bitcoin to buy yourself a pass to captain he should have he should have been at the wealth expo after you oh man i'm sure they tried to get him i think stallone was the uh backup plan so what was what did stallone say about being rich because i know that he i assume he is rich but was his thing like make two franchises and keep making sequels until you i mean yes actually like it was basically like it was just kind of it was he didn't have any advice or strategies he just kind of like he was just about um he just told his story about like and you know what it was kind of inspiring i was like because he talked about how hard he worked on the first rocky he sold his dog to finance it or something yeah it's i can't remember but i think i think so

and then he bought a better dog he could buy a thousand dogs that look like that dog that's he that's his rosebud. He's just always trying to find that dog. Oh, guys, can I change the subject for a second? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Go for it. Oh, man. Have you watched the last Rambo movie, the most recent one?

No. No. Tell us all about it, please. It's so, so bad. But the amazing part at it, so it's supposed to be like the final rambo right and so there's a big gunfight at the end and then what number is it by the way i think it's rambo four i think it's five yeah i think it's five and so at the end of the movie it's like you know it's like i can't remember how it ends and then and then after that there's like a sort of clips from all the previous rambo

movies right to remind you of who you're gonna miss now so it's like it goes rambo one rambo two rambo three rambo four and then rambo five like it just starts showing you clips from the movie you just watched like literally 10 seconds like 10 20 seconds ago like the same exact scenes you just saw it was so insane oh man uh very very good so anyways that's the kind of stuff you need to do if you're going to be wealthy like stallone now here's a question which do you think had more success for you arnold schwarzenegger's comedy movies or sylvester stallone's comedy movies who was better schwarzenegger yeah probably schwarzenegger i couldn't name like i mean we've talked about that famous story of that they were competing and

uh arnold schwarzenegger what was it he like he claimed that he he wanted stop or my mom will shoot and so that stallone would would want to do it yeah he tricked him into a movie those are the days when the star system was so crazy that they were tricking each other into movies like as a prank that doesn't happen anymore what are are there good stallone comedies no i don't think there is one there's oscar was one of them he played like a rich gangster stop her my mom will shoot i feel like there's another one where cop land cop land was hilarious yeah daylight um is um the uh judge dread has its funny moment yeah you're just saying bad movies oh you know what demolition man we might count oh yeah yeah i buy that demolition man has some

funny beats sure but but uh schwarzenegger um you know kindergarten cop is really good yeah he's actually made twins is good i think that's the difference but it's like those are only there's only two good ones then it kind of trails off from there right yeah because i used to love jingle all the way it was like my favorite christmas movie really yeah and then i re-watched it and it is officially no longer my favorite christmas movie it does suck pretty bad i'm sorry to hear that yeah it's uh it's been a pretty devastating couple years did any of the other like van damme or steven seagal have any comedies that or any comedies at all or any comedies that were funny van damme had one called jcvd that's him that was very late career like meta yeah that's when he's like in walking territory like self-care yeah i think that's the only for sure steven seagal hasn't i don't think he has any sense that he's hilarious there's no way seagal could do that he would probably try to karate chop the punchline

and it's funny because his martial art well this this probably isn't funny, but I now have to say it. Because his martial arts is all about timing, right? It's all about redirection, but no sense of humor. What's going on there? Yeah, yeah. Whoa, I didn't know you were a martial arts expert. Well, just more of a Seagal expert. Have you in your life ever taken a martial arts training?

Yeah, when I was a little kid what'd you do yeah oh i think i was in i think i thought it was karate but it was literally like a self-defense course so you and a bunch of moms yeah i just gave me a whistle to work with for one 10 year old boy and a bunch of 40 year old women and a big guy in a padded suit all right jordan they're gonna go for your purse like it wasn't a real karate class and that was when i was like five or six five or six uh so no did either of you either of you guys been in the dojo i've tried uh uh kung fu and uh it kicked my ass pretty bad and so i quit at what age um 12 i want to say was like really yeah there was some video game that we all played after kung fu that was in the lobby of this building and it was that we

were like that's what we want to do is this type of fighting yeah we just wanted to play lethal enforcers when do we learn how to shoot a fireball out of our hands when does that happen i did for a little while i would go this this wasn't training but this was like the last couple years i would do these like kind of like boxing like classes but they're like more exercise right but you still get to put on gloves and like punch a bag and stuff and one time i was like i was partnered up with a guy and we were doing this thing where he would do sit-ups and then i would do sit-ups and he would be like standing over the other guy would stand over the other guy and like hold his hands up and you'd go up and like punch them right and when i was standing over the guy obviously i'm can i stop you that sounds so cool that sounds very like i'm not

making fun i i that sounds like like the awesomest yeah it was really fun they were the classes are pretty punch punch yeah then flip but it it stopped being cool because at one point i was standing over the guy and he's like 40 he's like a man you know like a man, you know, like a true, like, like, I don't know. He probably could weld like that kind of vibe coming off him. Yeah. And, uh, he, at one point I'm sweaty as hell. Like I just sweat a lot all the time and a drop of sweat came off me and landed on him. And then he went, oh man, towel off, towel off. And so then I towel it off.

And then he just looks at me sweating and he's like you drink a lot eh like just accuse me of drinking a lot insane and was he right yeah okay but not like a ton i don't know i don't think it was worth the comment yeah i've always like I was a sweaty kid. I've been sweaty before I drank. Yeah, exactly. I didn't think it was necessitated that. I'm not like sweating from last night's.

I'm not sweating out last night's booze. You're just this hungover kid. Yeah. Shows up at school like, hey, teach, keep it down. down close the blinds i'm wrecked over here i do this uh uh yoga class on youtube is it yoga with adrian no yeah that's what everyone assumes she's the somehow she has locked up the yoga online market she's she's everyone she's the first one that comes out when you search yeah and she's got a million i tried a couple with her and they were her dog kept walking in and i was

like i'm trying to jack off yeah exactly um no i do this uh i do one 60 minute thing time to relax no the one the one i i've talked about it on the show before those one-on-one like with one host it's too intimate for me i need i like a classroom yeah yeah uh and so i watched this one that's um six it's a 60 minute one and then there's a 45 minute one and the 60 minute one it's like you know all the kinds of people in the class in the the 45 minute one it's just women right but i so when like occasionally oh you'll be like doing this super strenuous thing where you're like you're you're planking on one foot and then you lift up one hand so you're holding one foot and one hand

down and you think you're doing so well and then the teacher's like nice ladies and it just it just feels like that's that's what a gym teacher says to you when you're you know dogging it on the field nice ladies take a lap ladies yeah that would be that would be discouraging because it's also so hard you like got your balances and then like you're really yeah it's like the discouraging because it's also so hard you like got your balances and like you're really yeah it's like the hardest thing and it's like okay ladies girls yeah but you've you've stuck with this online uh yoga thing you've i feel like something that's online is so easy to quit and uh you've stuck with it which is impressive i just do the same two classes over and over have you ever yoga was a phase that i quit in the pandemic i went through like a yoga with

adrian phase and i found myself yelling at the screen too often like i was a lot of like fuck you yoga with adrian because i have no balance no meaning i like i just i go down as soon as i'm on one foot it's it's game over for me. It's ladies, hit the fucking shower. Are you a drinker? Yeah, do you drink a lot? You can tell you have a drinker's balance. Sweaty, can't balance.

Yeah, this guy's a fucking drunk. Yeah. Crashing his car. Cutting his pants wrong wrong this guy's a disaster cannot be trusted showing up to a real yoga class with cut off jean shorts yeah is this gonna be a problem yeah my cigarettes keep falling out of the pockets oh don't worry i figured it out i'll just put them in my rolled up sleeves i'm good don't worry about it i'll be fine.

So we're supposed to just breathe through our nose. You mean when we're not smoking, right? They're teaching. Right. Just coughing. Oh, boy. I had to stop a pose to cough. Yeah.

Just to like have like a bending over like lung butter. Yeah, like a true hack. Dis butter yeah like a true disgusting a true hack um the uh speaking which uh what is the most hungover you've ever been everybody these are like the we are really it's like the proust questionnaire it's true if proust was all about the worst experiences i mean i know that's and the best. And the best pants. And the best pants. And the hottest crotches. It's true. It's true. Jordan, when you smell a lemon, what emotions are evoked?

Oh. Summer, right? Lemonade. Yeah. I think the worst. I get. I don't know. I don't know. I get crazy bad hangovers.

Like, they're truly. And that's kind of always, like, they're bad now, but they've always been that way like since my 20s right um i think like kind of like puke every hour on the hour like oh that's a good way to keep in time yeah yeah i'm always impressed with my body clock i'm like whoa why can't i get up earlier in front of a cuckoo clock this is a pew cuckoo clock your crotch blows out on that pun um and one time i was uh visiting some me and my friends this is when i lived in peter row and uh we were like at like a little camp party or whatever and i got so fucked up on the drive back they had to stop like three times to stop me and then when we got to my house i just got out of the car and i just like laid down on the on the lawn and i just stayed i just

was like it's fine and i just kind of stayed there for hours it was unthinkable not only was it unthinkable to move but also that it felt nice yeah the lawn was cool grass right yeah the cool grass that's crawling all over you but yeah i have ones where i'm like clinging to the toilet like the toilet like it's a kind of like porcelain goddess that's what you would do to a goddess I think so take me with you let me barf into your mouth I mean I hope

it's the mouth yeah that's true I guess I never really thought through that analogy all sweaty puking. Let me worship you. Please. I wonder if that happened with the Oracle of Delphi.

Oh, I'm not ready for that vision. Save that one for a couple hours. Yeah. Oh, man. Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, my worst hangover was when was your i don't i don't know i think i've maybe had three hangovers really yeah you're one of those guys who just doesn't get them i don't really like i i think i'm such a lightweight that oh i can't drink enough

to get super hungover the next day. Right. Right. Like you're already kind of getting sauce like pretty quickly. So you don't need to. Like, I, yeah, I,

I won't like if I have a beer, I won't drive. Yeah. That makes sense. Yeah. That's good. Like I'm, I'm,

uh, uh, I can, I can always, I can already feel like the world change after one drink. Yeah. You're like, well,

if I have two beers, I'm immediately yelling at my kids. So what's going on with me is one plus side I've noticed from this pandemic is that you sort of see the machinery of marketing. You see how things are kind of too slow to... Things work too slowly to kind of stop whatever they were planning to market. Right. And so I've noticed this in three ways in the last week. One, I went and I got the wonder woman cookie crunch blizzard stop right there they just love wonder woman

so for a a movie that was supposed to come out and yeah they couldn't they just couldn't stop it's that that's blizzard is dairy queen right yep well how far down the list are you in terms of franchise opportunities or overlaps is dairy queen that feels like like it's not they got wonder woman yeah yeah the wonder how'd they get the wonder woman account yeah it's um yeah that's a big get for dairy queen yeah they put because they put out five flavors of the summer on their Blizzard menu. I've only had three of them so far. But only one of them is related to a property. Right.

The other one's Christopher Nolan's Tenet. You eat the Blizzard upside down from the bottom. This is the Tenet Fudge Blizzard. It's so deep and it's like swirly you won't even understand it you don't get it and then the second time you try to eat it you're like this sucks yeah you've watched the trailer and you're like i don't know what this blizzard is gonna be about when you take a bite that han zimmer score comes in um and then uh uh we went we got happy meals at mcdonald's the other day for the kids and they were minions and i guess there was going to be a minions movie this summer oh shit i didn't even know that that's i didn't either yeah i think they

did because last time i was in movie theater they had the cardboard cutouts that you could get your picture taken with oh cool yeah and then um they've just been like uh on the cover of vogue uh simone biles i was like the minions have been on the cover annie lewis does the minions no i was moving to a new space uh simone biles was on the cover and i'm like oh yeah there's like olympic stuff that should be happening right now oh yeah oh yeah that's why she was on the cover yeah so it's like all these things that are just like well we what do we do like do we we got to make all these new non-wonder woman posters for our blizzards let's put one of my men one of my buddies uh friends is like had to do the advertising for the bay she like works at the bay obviously an uphill battle just

in general but they had their whole summer planned around the olympics and now they have all this fucking patriotic geared off yeah yeah yeah real disaster there's also we we bought cheerios and cheerios have like off-brand like we didn't get an official olympic we didn't shell out for the official olympic sponsorship but we can say like cheer on canada with our cheerios shirts and it's like well you kind of made a great investment because there is no olympics that's right oh that's so good like a rose and how trios is smart like that like they're always like they're always just in the zeitgeist but they're never quite yeah yeah well the olympics is always that because i think that's why they're so litigious is because everyone is like

get swept up in it for two weeks yes and can just be like go greece or whatever our country is even when you said simone biles i was like who the hell is that like it's it leaves my mind so fast but during the weeks i'm an expert at diving i know all the things to know about diving during that name five olympians uh of all time past and present or yeah all time um usain bolt michael phil i literally was gonna say carl weathers that's not right if you would have said it with so with that amount of surety carl weathers okay, that's three. Canadian great Ben Johnson.

Yep. Can Winter Olympics also be in this? Or is this just... No. Oh, crap. Donovan Bailey, you said? Yeah, that's one too. And finally, the guy who cracked his head when he hit the diving board. Greg Louganis?

Greg Louganis. Okay. I could name... I was i was gonna say do you remember big ben no big ben like big ben was the cano the canadian horse who was always in the equestrian event a canadian horse wait does the horse count as the athlete no it was his but i couldn't tell you the name of his rider. Ian? Big Ben. Oh, I love that.

I always forget that there's some sort of horse play going on in the Olympics. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that seems to be the forgotten sport. It is kind of like, I do miss that about the Olympics. There's always one guy you remember, one athlete every year, be it Silken Lauman or big ben yes yes is silken lauman a horse as well no silken lauman was a woman a rower who had a very bad leg injury before the olympics and then fought back to win the silver and didn't oh that is that is inspiring was she the one that took banadryl or something and they thought it was a substance uh i know big ben took horse tranquilizer yes that's right that's what i was thinking big ben's life is a goddamn nightmare

i don't i wasn't a big olympics guy i never really liked them that's why i don't know them as much do you you don't even not to bring it down guys, not to stop celebrating these beautiful horses. When else are you going to see horse events happening? I guess three, three times a year. Triple crown. Yeah.

The, um, do you not, you don't watch them even casually when they're on, you just don't care about them at all. Yeah. I literally, I literally don't care about them at all.

I've always, I mean, I like them, but i would assume that they were they would be inescapable for no it's it's it's pretty easy to escape the olympics i mean i don't know if you're in the village that might be a bit tough yeah i don't know like if you suddenly have second thoughts about going for the gold i don't't know if they'd trank you and force you to run. I like to show up at the Athletes' Village because I know how horny they get. Yeah, that's the big thing is athletes are so horny, and they're so good at being horny because they can really act on it in a real positive way.

They're the best in the world. Yeah. Yeah. They're all getting gold medals in uh in for horny yeah would you say that you are good at being horny myself yeah i'm excellent at it every i'm i'm like pepe le pew but a human i'm always trying to fuck a cat i think pepe le pew is notoriously bad at being horny isn't that his whole thing he's't he super horny? He's the best Yeah he is but it's not like he's handling it well

He's freaking out the whole time That goddamn skunk's lost his mind Who's the best at being horny? John Larrick Kemp Will Smith in Independence Day Will Smith? In Independence Day? What was horny in that movie?

I was just throwing one out there he actually wasn't horny at all oh who's good at being horny uh good at being horny like there's always horny characters in tv shows do those count or you know who i'll say i got one michael douglas in the 90s yes yeah yeah that was like there was a whole genre in the 90s with michael douglas's thing was like he was always tempted we've uh we've been watching a lot of these michael douglas movies on the show lately we watched basic instinct and fatal attraction oh really yeah did you guys watch disclosure no no but we've heard that that was the one that got me as a kid that was like you know when you have a tape or whatever with like a scene in it yeah and there's like a scene where he rips open demi moore's blouse

and he makes this noise and i associated that noise horrifyingly so with sex my entire like life like he rips open the blouse and he's like is he making the blouse with ripping noise with his mouth yeah he makes a very weird noise when he rips open when you hold up a piece of paper and go it's like he's having a panic attack he's in a paper bag um i got an email from airbnb uh and just because of the uh i guess because the olympics aren't on but the headline was connect with olympians and paralympians which i assume to mean like they're so horny right now get an airbnb with a horny olympian the olympics that doesn't even put up the athletes they still

have to find airbnbs yeah well there's no olympics happening so they've got nowhere to stay for these two weeks and they're so horny are you a patriot if you are you will fuck these athletes yeah jackie joyner kersey is so horny right now but good call on michael douglas being like one of the horniest one of the best at being horny one of the all-time horny greats. Also, who played Samantha on Sex and the City? Oh, Kim Cattrall. Kim Cattrall. I feel like Kim Cattrall is the... She's the female equivalent of Mike Douglas.

Yeah. She's mastered horniness. She's got it. Yeah. Where did you get your masters in horniness? I flunked out big time. masters in horniness oh i flunked out big time if michael douglas is the peak of being horny i'm in a valley that's for sure it's not going well well it's going well now but my overall in life it went bad why is it going great

what's so great about horny now oh i have like a girlfriend and it's nice well put her on so great about horny now oh i have like a girlfriend and it's nice well put her on she's like it is going bad i don't know what he told you his crotch is so cold he's got the coldest crotch in toronto it's like the escapades down there escapade it's the escapades down there we have a fan blowing over it like an ice block like if you want to that's how i cool down my apartment like it's an old motel yeah um so that's what's going on with me i've been uh you know noticing that they've been putting out uh you know it reminded me a bit of like when i was a kid and you'd get a happy meal and there

would be muppet babies in it and you'd be like yeah so what everyone loves muppet babies but like the like synergy the synergy of like we want kids to watch muppet babies so let's give them you know uh you know miss piggy on a tricycle yeah but even as a kid i knew that burger king had worse things like whenever you would get it would be like oh yeah they just give you like a syringe from requiem for a dream yeah it would be like i like the Requiem for a she's the darkest movies

Burger King's always tied up into Burger King gives you the wrestler action figures a piece of

his hand this is Todd a mask of Todd Perry's face I forgot he was in that

he's the manager of the supermarket Oh yeah he like punches a meat slicer Yeah He freaks out because he's bad at being horny Yeah that's true Horny for his daughter's love That's his bumper sticker As I'm horny for my daughter's love

Jordan you remember too much about the plot of that movie it really as someone who as someone who flamed out of professional wrestling it really spoke what's going on with you graham

i you've been out of town yeah i've been out of town i took i went to go visit my folks because i haven't seen them uh most of the year and i they live fairly close enough that i can drive well they live in calgary they live in calgary and so it's a 12 or 13 hour drive like i because i know people who flew across the country um yeah and i feel like a one hour is a one hour flight to calgary yeah i think you i i for an hour i feel like i could have um you know worn a mask worn like gloves and just been up you know my own uh kind of self-contained

pod yeah like i thought about that too but uh then when the airlines are like we're not doing anything like we're just gonna everybody else is trying to stop things we're not doing that so i felt uh like i didn't want to uh get on a plane if i didn't have to so i rented a car and did a 12-hour drive in one day no god no uh broke it up and stayed at a hotel going in revelstoke and then cam loops bc coming back ah yeah the real the two most romantic spots in all of bc and would you have flown if it wasn't to visit your parents no i just don't want to get on a plane yeah at this point it just seems like if i don't have to then i don't what circumstance are you imagining that

he's going to calgary to fly no no no no i just mean because you're not flying because you didn't want to get but more specifically i don't want to give it to my parents yeah yeah the whole it was more that was a moment of sincere concern i didn't realize I was out of place on this show. It's all true. But I've never driven that drive. Because always I would just fly. Because it doesn't make... In other times, it didn't make any sense to drive. So that's the first time I've done it.

And I don't drive. Like, I don't have a car. I don't usually drive. I had to rent a car i don't usually drive i had to rent a car and uh drive on this super windy highway for hours at a time and i was like just white knuckling it all the way from here to there what um what what kind of car did you get kia sorento kia sorento yeah they never give you anything other than a Kia or a Hyundai, do they? One time I got a Jaguar. What? Really?

Yeah, I've gotten very lucky with like renting cars. On the way to the wealth expo? Yeah, that's what Pitbull said. He's like, always ask for the Jaguar. And then, yeah, they were just like, oh, we're out of, they were like all out. And then they're like, this is the only one they have left. And it's like a fucking Jaguar. And then I got to drive it to Kitchener. it's like power down the floor it felt uh it felt

amazing i suddenly became right wing and you became uh you were like the top news item of the day and kitchener yeah they're like cool dude arrives cool dude is this your cool dude um so yeah on the website that i booked the car on you could book either like an suv a car or then you or you could book a mystery car what the logo was a car like with a drape over it and no you what why did they put that on the website you're definitely gonna choose it yeah what i wanted i didn't want a small car because that that driving a small car seems like insane if you're like a tiny little car so i picked the suv but i i just want to know what the you know mystery car was yeah what is it what is a kia sorrento is that is that an suv well it's you know it's the thing that you see everywhere it's just like the general car that people have oh yeah

yeah it is okay yeah yeah like i had one of those last time i rented a car it was nice yeah i had a great time when i showed up in kitchen no one gave a fuck i come back when you got a jaguar amateur last month the guy came here in a jag who the fuck are you it is nice like i uh uh we have a uh station wagon but it's nice when you get up high in a an suv yeah i've gotten that in a few rentals it is it's uh boy it's it it i get it yeah it's nice this is the so like when i got car, you have to walk around it and make sure that, like, take pictures of any scratches on it so that you don't get charged.

But also when I got in, the thing smelled so bad. The car smelled like somebody had smoked pot in it and then sprayed cheap perfume all around the car to cover it up. So I had to go and tell the guy like i didn't do it but this car stinks uh just so you when you get it back and it still stinks it's your fault not my fault dude that sounds like the best drive ever you got to make that car smell however you want did you did it um did the guy make any note when you said that you're like okay okay, car stink.

He wrote it on the file. There's a checkmark, stinky car. Okay, we got that. Yeah, sure. A little ding here on the side panel and reeks of that reefer. One time I rented a car and I drove it. My brother and I drove it from Toronto to Sault Ste. Marie, where I'm from. Right.

And that's like an eight-hour drive. And when I was there, or when I was like, in the morning before I left, my mom was like, can I take the car to the mall? And then she's like, and I'm like, yeah, sure. Oh, yeah, because whenever I'm at home for Christmas, my mom will buy me a gift and then it won't be the right size and then she'll spend all the next day like fretting about wanting to take it back. Just let me take it back. Just let me take it back. And then so I was like,

yeah, sure, do whatever. And I was sleeping. And then she came back and she's like, oh, I'm so sorry. And she got in a fucking accident and broke the goddamn bumper. And then I had to drive it back to Kitchener. Or sorry, Torontoonto i keep saying

kitchener and uh my brother tied up the bumper with his shoelace and he's like just leave it in the morning they won't even notice it'll be fine and it's like i'm like are you sure he's like yeah yeah we'll just tie it up we'll just leave it there it'll be fine and then like obviously two minutes after they opened they called me. Your bumper fell off. Yeah. Nice try, asshole. Do you want your shoelace back? Also, it didn't stink before, because you did not make a note of that.

It smells like your mom shit herself in here. After having an accident. When she said she had an accident, did she mean to shit herself? That was her accident? She crashed the bumper to cover it up oh no i shit my son's car again it's a rental um how are your parents uh they're good they're good uh my nephew's keeping them much entertained and you did you tell them i say hi i did i didn't say hi i told them that you sent your love because i did not i didn't send love you said that that was illegitimate um the other thing like on this road trip i went to before i went to albert i went to salt spring

island and uh have you been you've been to salt spring right i don't think so it's like a real like hippie hippie hangout yeah that's where uh raffy lives yeah that's where raffy lives and like a guy with white dreads could probably be mayor like a white guy with dreads like could easily sweep yeah whoever has the nicest ones they do a bunch of tests The winner of the dreads pageant wins. They hold out the dreads and they try to chop them with like a blade and whichever one survives is bad. Yeah. You actually don't vote.

Uh, but like you just said, vote by a picture of dreads where actually there's three people, three men's heads. Yeah. And you approach them from behind and you like drop a chip in each, whoever you vote for. So this has been a fun little election by dread.

Try dread talk. Yeah. Yeah. So, um, uh, I was in salt spring and like the place I was staying, uh,

at one point the, there was like a water hose connecting to the cabin I was staying at and it burst and like it was leaking into the place so went around the side of the building trying to find uh the turnoff the faucet turnoff and i fell and landed on my ribs so i fell in a ditch landed on my ribs and i think i broke it so it's like a rib yeah yeah but there's no way of knowing well it doesn't matter because you can't fix it right if you get a broken rib they'll just be like well we can't do anything for you are you sure about that they're not going to be like quit wasting our time yeah no the most they could do is give

you painkillers because there's no cast or anything are you sure yes i am sure you sound like a 12 year old like why uh i mean get those painkillers yeah i should get those painkillers but i also don't want to go to a hospital you know that's like the other thing i don't go to my rib guy tony roma tony roma yeah he's famous for them i think it's actually chill to go to the hospital right now because not a lot of people are going right yeah maybe you're right it's like they're they're like and some of them are less busy if there's not an outbreak because everyone's not going yeah and like the big the big rub of all this was that morning i was reading a book on survival in the wilderness and i was like well i wouldn't have i'm not one of god's more graceful creatures and i don't think i would survive to break my ribs within the first hour just always thinking

you broke your ribs but never making sure in the wilderness but like aren't you worried that you like punctured a lung how would that feel like anything i mean that i probably wouldn't breathe if i if i punctured something it just feels feels like... I'm picturing you like, I might have broken a rib, and then you lift your shirt, and it's just like black. Yeah, it's just so obvious. You should go to the hospital. Sticking out of this heart beating. Yeah, so that was my trip in a nutshell. Break a rib, and then get in the car

and drive all the way to calgary break a window pop a tire set your teacher's hair on fire well well that sounds like a great little uh couple uh you know vacations from the everyday yeah yeah yeah from my normal ribs and from the city i live in i got to get away from it all now you're down a rib dude yeah exactly i want to get away i want to fly away Yeah, my rib is broken. Graham, are we going to move on to our movie club? Yes. So Graham and I are in the, boy, I guess it's the last days of a dying movie club.

When this all started, we did the Bradley Cooper movie club. Then that moved on to the erotic thriller movie club. it uh and then do we we've only done the three yeah and then we did then we decided to do dad movies dad movie movie club and i we are this is our last movie club and is this even our do we have to finish this month i don't know i mean uh i'm really committed to this bit yeah i mean i'm good either way i'm down a rib so i don't know. I mean, uh, I guess we're really committed to this bit. Yeah. I mean, I'm good either way. I'm down a rib, so I don't have the full power. This is our final week of the dad movie, movie club.

It's an honor. I'll tell you that right now. Yeah, absolutely. You should be. The episodes, the episodes ended up being like two hours recently. And I,

I just can't do that. I can't abide. That's fair enough. Um, so this week for our dad movie, movie club club well we started the the month with the hunt for red october yeah then we moved on to captain phillips and then this week ford versus ferrari yes and it meets the dad movie criteria of having a lot of jargon

a lot of jargon being spoke about cars and car parts and it also has a lot of meetings not a lot of women but a lot of meetings a lot of men sitting around talking about what they're gonna do saying why it will and will not work yeah you know what i love about it when in this always happens in racing movies when there's somebody racing then someone's watching them going not yet not yet now it's such a good like not yet have you seen it did you see it in the theater uh i've watched it i watched it last night and i had seen it before so i've watched it twice now and i i feel so weird about this movie because it's like a movie designed to like make my sense of irony submit because like i'm like i'm like watching it and i'm like i'm like i don't know about this movie you know and i'm

like judging and all this stuff and then by the end i'm like man those cars are fucking fast yeah oh that guy's a good driver also jesus i felt it to be probably the lowest stakes film that I've ever seen except for the Entourage movie yeah like that was slightly lower stakes but it was I'll throw out the movie Chef Chef is insanely low stakes he's like I want to open a food truck and then he does

so yeah the stakes are I mean people can die driving but that's not new and that's not what the movie's about it's about a very rich company trying to outdo another very rich company i was saying it's about when back when ceos were men like this movie's about back when ceos were men's men and not uh little suited boys yeah is there a moment where the like ceo of ford who's henry ford's son or grandson he did they keep calling the deuce they they uh they're like he's like show me what you got and he goes for a ride drive in the car

and at the end does he shit himself he cries himself he cries and then cries about shitting himself he says oh my my daddy would be so disappointed yeah well please uh pull off the bumper of this car to hide the fact that i shit myself it was like it was because i was thinking it's a movie that's like nostalgic for a certain time in america right right like back when you back when you used to just be like when you could just you know they solved all their problems with like driving fast yeah yeah they express themselves through driving like when christian bale and his wife in an argument she just started driving yeah she started driving fast that's how she communicates that's her love language and then when it's like me and my

boss are in an argument i'm gonna drive until he cries like that was an option they also it's like um the whole movie it's trying to make you root i guess for for christian bale yeah and also for ford so then it's like a movie like Empire Strikes Back, but from the Empire's perspective. Yeah. They are the much bigger company. Yeah. They're way bigger than Ferrari.

Yeah, it's true. Ferrari's just like making beautiful cars custom made by hand. And like, that's supposed to be like, oh, those idiots. Yeah. Those stupid Italians with their beautiful cars. idiots yeah those stupid italians with their beautiful cars and then uh i knew i knew this was a movie that was going to be it was going to fade to black and then there was going to be titles saying what happened right in the following years or whatever um and it didn't let me down yeah um so yeah do you guys not spoil the movies when you talk about them?

No, we can spoil it. You guys, we're going to spoil the movie. Christian Bale dies. Christian Bale dies. It's a movie about how cool dads always die. Also, there's a guy in it uh that's supposedly lee iacocca who is seemingly that's a name we're supposed to know who it is because he's the only guy who says it over and over again he's like i'm like how elvis presley would yeah yeah or like or in like uh one of those any kind

of old-timey movie where it's like uh picasso he'll never amount to anything what's his name again pablo picasso what a dinky name it kind of was like that it was like that too with matt damon's character like they kept saying like his name like carol shelby or whatever like we're all supposed to be like oh fuck oh man this is the guy this is a movie for me this is the last man named carol do you think that'll happen to any of our names what like like when we're old men and we're like jordan or graham or dave is just a girl's name and it could happen with me it's already happening you have biblical connections right your names are both in the bible as men's names but graham isn't graham's no is jordan a man's name in the bible the is a river's name it's just a river yeah but the river

is a pretty manly if you think about it. But Jordan's... Girls are named Jordan all the time. Elliot is one that's happening a lot. With women? Oh, he's going to the girls? Yeah. Wow. You know what I like about Ford v Ferrari?

Go on. Hyper-masculine movie, right? Like about fixing cars, being a dad. But completely non-sexual. yeah no they never are like but yeah so especially with cars because like cars are typically like a metaphor for penises yeah it's like oh yeah get a fast car and women will love it they have the fastest cars and there's not a woman in sight and like true And they're all just looking at him. And it's the same with Hunt for Red October.

It's just like the submarine is incredibly phallic. And it's... Right. You know, like they even say things that you're like, did you say this out loud and think that it wasn't super horny to be like all the seamen in a row? And you're like, come on. Come on, seamen. It's time to gargle the semen well what does that mean you're not talking about subs for god's sake

um yeah so it's like i didn't think how deep are we we're balls deep balls deep that's a nautical term. You wouldn't understand if you hadn't, but yeah, this, uh, this movie like was like, it was good.

It was a good film, but it was one of the best. It just like, I couldn't like the whole time. I was like, I don't care. I don't care. I don't care that this is a real thing that happened.

Uh, yeah, it's really like one of those, um, uh, you know, uh, care i don't care that this is a real thing that happened uh yeah it's really like one of those um uh you know uh examples in a script uh you know like storytelling arc right like at this time this has to happen and in this case that is a uh broken bolt oh yeah that's the other thing. At one point during the big race, Matt Damon starts cheating. He takes away

the guy's stopwatch and then he throws a nut on the ground so that they think that they fucked up. And I was like, you're making an already lopsided movie about the big guy winning. Yeah. And you're fucking around with the little guy's stuff. So you're just making the little guy seem yeah and you're fucking around with the little guy's stuff so you're just

making the little guy seem more and more the moral center of this film it's true it's like this movie is about how david's a little bitch yeah it's like if darth vader went over to the rebels and like just smoked them yeah just like took their lightsabers away and put saran wrap on all their toilets it's like hunting ewoks that's that's 4v ferrari yeah it's like it's such a because then it was almost like are we supposed to think that the italians are just evil because they're not american team like well here's here's my theory but i think it's nostalgic for a time when capitalism wasn't run by like managers basically right like it wasn't and so it's like josh lucas is like actually the bad guy right and it's like people it's like about a time when it was like when like you had like big individual

thinkers and things weren't like all gummed up by like managerial levels so i don't know if you're supposed to think ferrari's like the bad guy as much as you're supposed to think like all the suits trying to stop matt damon or the bad guy yeah that's true but also there is no bad guy is matt damon other than slippery roads those are the bad guys the brakes uh that's the other thing like sometimes they would rely on you knowing something about how racing works so they he was like well we'll just change out the brakes and then everybody's like can you do that and uh i was like what the fuck are change out the brakes and then everybody's like can you do that and uh i was like what the fuck are they talking about yeah there's a lot of like oh what are the

rules well the rules don't specifically say that a dog can't drive this car yeah and like there's yeah uh there's there is a lot of especially because this is a unique race. It's the 24 hours of Le Mans. Le Mans. Whereas like, it's, it's, I don't know anyone who's ever watched this. No, certainly not for 24 hours.

In Europe, the movie was called Le Mans. Actually, actually, isn't there another movie called Le Mans with like Steve McQueen? Oh, and maybe it's called like battle at Le Mans, but like Le Mans in it wasn't called forby for right for some reason they didn't think europeans would love a movie about ford yeah yeah don't they like you just call all the fords like

voxhall over there or something yeah they have like different imprints for them oh yeah there was another scene in it where ford goes to buy ferrari and then they give ferrari this super shitty deal and then they're surprised the next day when fiat buys ferrari and that guy was like they were just fucking with us the whole time and it was like you were trying to fuck them the whole time and they triple fuck you so why are you so sassy about who tried to trick who and um yeah it's a great movie it's like yeah it's a very it's very solid it's very entertaining i saw it in the theater and i loved it yeah uh but it was just like you know it doesn't really uh it it's just kind of like you know dad porn yes that's the most dad movie like i think i am a dad now if you watch it twice a kid is just delivered to your house um do you know

who lee iacocca is no yeah like i know he's rich because they referenced him on like full house in the 90s like who are you i remember he had a his biography came out in the 80s and he was the i think he was like the head of chrysler oh so he was maybe was he in the ads for chrysler he was like the dave thomas of chrysler so this movie is for like the dads that love ceos of car companies like the way other like you know when like in a superhero movie when and then like somebody shows up and you're like oh later on that's gonna become captain america or whatever yeah and this one they're like oh shit that's the former that guy's eventually gonna become the head of chrysler there's gonna be jokes about him on full house so is that like that movie caused about 10 million wife eye rolls hey honey

that's lee iacocca but that's the thing lee iacocca then he was famous for not even being with ford anymore so like this whole thing about and then for got a great car mind yeah i love when they uh went to the track the night before. Oh, and they just had a beer. Matt Damon are there the night before and they're just like, it's going to rain tomorrow. So it's like just that beautiful,

just like them, like talking about the track. I love, I love that move too. Yeah. Like, uh, as if you wouldn't be like,

I got to sleep before this 24hour car race i'm going into although he takes a nap like they they swap out drivers i think and they're the other guy is not mentioned ever no yeah you never see those guys can fuck off also you don't know the ferrari driver by name you just know him as like stern italian yeah you just like they picked the most italian looking guy as possible so that they could show him without having to explain who he is. Yeah, man, I hope he really beats that pissed-off Italian. Yeah. So, yeah, I think that well concludes the—

Good way to finish off the not only Dad Movie Movie Club, but all of our movie clubs. Wow. Yeah, that was a good note to go out on look if we need to do something else to distract us from uh the pandemic in the future we will yeah what inspired the movie club it was the the fact that every guest it's like so what are you how much bread are you baking and are you how much uh uh what's your pandemic ritual yeah yeah yeah it was there it was too not not too samey but just too um like we're all locked in the same

yeah no one's doing no one's doing anything yeah yeah yeah um but also like it's it's hard enough getting guests to come up with an overheard, let alone getting them to watch a two-and-a-half-hour movie. Well, always make it 4B Ferrari. Yeah, I would never have seen that movie otherwise. Even when I saw the poster, I was like, yikes, no thanks. One of the movie clubs I wanted to do was, my idea was 80s movies that were for grownups when I was a kid.

Um, give me an example. Oh, like reversal of fortune or, um, uh, what's the, uh,

uh, you know, the war of the roses or, oh yeah. Um, the things that like would have been written about in vanity fair. Yes. Yes. Yes.

When I was a kid, but like, I, cause I went back and I watched, you know, tons of eighties comedies and eighties action movies, but I never saw good eighties movies. So that was my idea,

but I think I might just do that myself. Well, which one are you going to watch? Maybe I'll just do it by myself as well. I don't have anything planned for this week i like what was the first one that you said was reversal of bonfire of the vanities reversal of fortune was is that jeremy irons oh jeremy irons is very 80s parents who was the one he did dangerous liaisons is that that an 80s one? Dangerous Liaison. Yeah.

So, he's also very good at being horny. Is he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Jeremy Irons? Oh, yeah.

Oh, man, he's rocked. You see him as Alfred in Batman vs. Superman? He was the sexiest Alfred we've had yet. Oh, yeah. He's a very sinewy horny.

Oh, yeah. He's very sinewy. Like a tendon on the loose. Willem Dafoe also seems like a sinewy horny. It's very sinewy. Like a tendon on the loose. Willem Dafoe also seems like a sinewy horny guy. Of course. He's one of our sinewy-est actors. I'm not watching anything for next week.

I'll tell you that right now. Well, I may watch Reversal of Fortune. I'll just tell you about it. Do you want to move on to the herds? Yeah, we'll move on to overheards one two one two three hi everybody my name is justin mcelroy i'm sydney mcelroy we're both doctors and nope just me okay well sydney's a doctor and i'm a medical enthusiast and we create sawbones a marital tour of misguided medicine every, I dig through the annals of medical history to bring you the wildest,

grossest, sometimes dumbest tales of ways we've tried to treat people throughout history. Lately, we do a lot of modern fake medicine

because everything's a disaster. But it's slightly less of a disaster every Friday right here on MaximumFun.org as we bring you

Sawbones, a marital tour of misguided medicine. And remember, don't drill a hole in your head. Overheard. Overheard's a segment which is harder and harder to do during this whole thing.

Maybe you're spending a lot of time indoors, not a lot of great stuff on your walls to call in about overseens but if you're so lucky to have it overheard don't keep it to yourself you send it here to the podcast and we always like to start with our guest jordan do you have an overheard i do have an overheard um i was i was i was walking down the street today and I was wearing a t-shirt that said, We the North, like the Toronto Raptors. And I was walking past a guy and he was kind of, I live in like a, let's say, grizzled neighborhood.

Okay. And there was a grizzled man on the stoop and he just went, We the North. And that was weird. Like he just. Just sassed you with the content of your own shirt yeah he just attacked me with it and then i'm like is this guy just saying shirts is there is he is there any backlash to that sentiment in the city it seems like from where i know it's like beloved it's like everyone i literally think he was just reading a shirt that was walking past him.

Like he just saw a time with stupid. What's this Wii business? Nike. Nike. Nike. Don't tell me what to do, Nike.

Dave, do you have an over? Yeah, I guess so um i uh have a uh an overseen yeah so i i've talked in the past about the ads like when i'm on instagram i just get advertised all these uh video games yes and they're just weird like they're pretty basic like you know puzzle video games or whatever uh and then i got advertised this one about being an intern okay and on one screen it's like you're organizing binders on another screen you are calling you're picking up a phone and dialing and uh at the top it says being intern is hard uh brought to you by the caveman this is the game this is the entire game it's some kind of

internship simulator that's that's the most dystopian thing i've ever heard that's insane i go home from my job as an intern and i play my intern video game i thought it would make me better at being an intern but i'm still getting yelled at my actual internship is unpaid but i do have to pay to play this game oh man so yeah uh play uh being intern is hard uh check it out uh download it on steam there's a lot of in-game purchases you can make yeah paper clips and whatnot things to make your job easier uh do you have an overheard i do i have uh i've two overseens this is from driving through alberta uh once you cross that border between bc and alberta every other car is a vanity license plate like alberta yeah in alberta but everybody's got like i you know what is that what you call a vanity license plate yeah yeah yeah personalized yeah so i've never seen so many in my life like i just uh it was crazy cheaper i guess it must

be cheaper or people maybe had more money or something yeah that's yeah that's the first thing people do when they get that oil money but i also feel like wouldn't you get pulled over a lot more yeah i think it wouldn't be like there's one i see in uh that i drive past occasionally that says speeda s-p-e-e-d-a and you're like well you the police have every reason to pull you over yeah and also you couldn't get speedo so you got speeda that sucks you couldn't get speeder you can get speeder you can get speedo no yeah um so i saw do you know how fast you're going like look at the license yes i know how fast i'm going i'm speeder um one of them i saw two two great ones one of them said uh it was a h h h h papa ah papa ah papa was that on the uh italian ferraris yes yeah that guy was

brokenhearted at the end of ford v ferrari uh papa and the other one uh that was amazing was Ham Subs. Oh! Ham Subs. And the S was a Z at the end. Holy shit. Was it Spelomys or whatever? Spelumbos? Spelumbos.

The Calgary subs shop owned by former football players? I think it probably was a guy who owns like a subway franchise is my guess ham subs i'm sounds with the z is incredible i love i've in my mind i swapped them in it it was ah subs ah subs well i feel like the papa guy would be really following the subs guy pretty closely he wants to know where. He wants to know where that guy's going. If it was all subs, the other one would be Ham Papa. So that's pretty good. Now, we also have overheards sent in from people all over the map.

If you want to send one in to us, you can send it in to SPY at MaximumFun.org. And this first one comes from Jessica from Kansas City, Missouri. Just answered the phone at work and it was a spam call that automatically put me on hold and said, while you wait, please enjoy the comedy of

Jeff Foxworthy. We're not going to play any for you, but we want you to remember that you enjoy it that that is that is wild like i can't even picture a business that that would be compatible i guess blue collar shirts the uh the i the idea of someone spamming me and then putting me on hold is laughable like oh yeah they'll stick around yeah this is the that's like the the golden circle for uh spam calls is can we get him and then go i have no problem hanging up on a human being yeah yeah that's no no no no no hang up what if that human being was promising you Jeff Foxworthy? Yeah.

Now you're tempted. All right, I'm in. This next one comes from Morgan Y. My partner lives above a pub called the Wolf and Hound, and if the windows are open in the apartment, we can hear the patrons like they're right beside us. So overheard on a Wednesday night at 11 p.m., a very loud, very bro broey millennial to his pals people who get diarrhea from taco bell are weak yeah consider me weak that is one of those

um there are a few things where people are like oh yeah oh you drank a cup of coffee you must have to poop and i'm like well not everyone is gonna like if that was if that was my life then i would drink less coffee yeah that's true it is also like the people who just imagine everyone around themselves is shitting all the time yeah yeah like that's like uh we're all in the same boat together right fellas yeah oh you sipping some coffee gonna shit later like let's talk about it like i don't really know life is what happens between shits am i right guys no also i feel like we're defending the guy who called people weak if they get tired no they're weak no we're not defending him but yeah yeah no i guess we are

he's opened up a conversation i think that's important i mean if you get diarrhea from talking about you are a beta cuck yeah uh this last one uh comes from isabel from montreal i haven't overseen and it hardly counts. That's fine. But I laughed so hard at it. I got a promotional email from Michael's the craft store. Uh, but the subject line of this one threw me off.

It says your two favorite words, new yarn. Yeah. Yeah. It's the three words. every person's been waiting to hear i love yarn my two least favorite words old string no thank you yeah so that's that's all my overheards i got i know i got all out. I just wanted to see how long we could be quiet for. I wanted to have a moment of silence for that Michael's catalog. Yeah, for my old string bust of a joke. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have hello dave graham and probably someone else is there um so i was just driving along and i just saw a guy walking along carrying an ice cream cone and i saw him go to lick the ice cream cone except he still had his mask on and it got all on the outside of his mask. Alright, well, off I go. Bye. That rules. Yeah. The constant taking on and putting

on the mask is now just going to be like that's like Seinfeld joke territory. Yeah, it is a really like sometimes you forget you're wearing it. Yeah, or sometimes you forget putting it on. You walk into a store and all of a sudden you're like, who am I? Yeah. Who's that guy in the security camera holding these people up?

Oh, it's me. I do. I don't forget it. I haven't had that happen yet, but I do forget I'm wearing it until I talk. Oh, yeah. And I'm like, oh, my everything is falling apart when I start talking. I'm also getting orders fucked up oh really i'm already not i'm a mumbler and with the mask people are really kind of just

and there's usually pick plexiglass as well so it's like truly the worst time to be communicating with the store clerk yeah when you and you're like, I'm not supposed to order anything on one of these, you know, skip the dishes DoorDash apps because they're going to gouge the restaurant. But if I pick it up in person, they will not understand me. If only every restaurant had an app. If only I could have 500 apps on my phone. If each restaurant had a specific app? Yeah. They're all developing apps? Do you have any restaurant apps on your phone if each restaurant had a specific app yeah they're all developing apps do you have

any restaurant apps on your phone i got spelumbos uh ham papas yeah i got ham papas i have dominoes yeah and i have mcdonald's but i've never used mcdonald's i just haven't has a specific one yeah yeah it's a specific one because it's like i heard um if they're like if you ever uh when at the beginning of pandemic we were just trying to find things to do with the kids and we would go kill an hour at mcdonald's like it would take half an hour to get through drive-thru because everyone was going to mcdonald's and uh then i was like well what if i just use the app but i've never ended up using it uh also you guys wendy's has an app so just so you know it's it's for adults only yeah yeah yeah it's it's disgusting it's the the new Wendy from the commercials.

It's surprisingly explicit. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It does. You say it says 18A, so there you go. Are there, does the app store sell adult apps? And if not, where do you, where else can you get apps? Yeah, if you get, okay, I'm just going to type in horny apps. Horny apps. It's just a picture of Michael Douglas?

It's the Michael Douglas app. Wasn't horny apps in that Jerry Seinfeld documentary? They're all hookup apps. 2020 Top 3 Hookup Apps. I don't want to do that. I just want to see, you know you brian from family guy have sex with lois oh here's one there's an app that's just called horny question mark don't touch that one that's all horror movies download it yeah no download the horny app all right you're gonna

be haunted something's gonna follow you around some sort of shadowy figure oh this is great this uh it starts the front page it says are you horny no yes and you have to pick one and well i'm just i'm i'm installing it but that just has a picture on the the site letting you know what it does what will you answer yes great graham this is how you end up becoming a mormon yeah it says are you horny i say no and i discover something about myself no it's just gonna show me like you need christ well i was going to play the next phone call but we can't leave this thread dangling okay so i clicked horn it says are you horny i clicked yes and then all this confetti happened on the screen.

Was it white confetti? And it says allow horny to access your location while you're using the app. No, don't do that. So, now I don't know what's happening now. Is it trying to send you push notifications if

you know what i mean it just uh comes up with the screen because i said uh i'm horny and then it just says i am horny exclamation mark and then it says made with horny question mark so i guess this is something you put on your profile or something okay cool you're gonna have to get a new phone yeah sorry about that there's a little trophy on it that says your stats you have been horny two times and not horny zero times good work you didn't tell me you did it a second time i did to get out of that allow my location access this this app is genius it just It just asks you if you're horny. It shows a map of North America, and it's called the map of horniness. That's why they need your location.

Okay. Anyways, that was fun. Here's your next phone call. Hi, this is Laura from Vancouver calling with an overheard. We were at the beach just now and a blue heron flew over. I see lots of them in Vancouver. They're big and everyone's looking at it. And these douchebag guys have been yelling and playing spike ball behind us. One of them turns and goes, whoa, a pelican. And the other guy goes, no, fuck you, it's a heron.

Pretty good. If I said it once, I've said it a thousand times to you, Doug. It's a fucking heron. Spike ball seems fun. What is spike ball? I have no idea what that is. It's that thing you, there's like a little trampoline in the middle and you

smash, you like slap the ball into it. And it's two teams of two i just saw people playing this in the park i didn't know what it was it seems fun they've got a million of them in canadian tire i don't have three friends to play it with it seems like hacky sack for the polyamory generation it seems and it seems cool and fun and uh i'm into it and um maybe when this pandemic is over i can get three friends i like i like the description that this is the something for the polyamorous generation like this is the this is the airbnb for the polyamorous generation airbnb nb what um i didn't know that's what our generation was i think it's the generation below us yeah below okay yeah good uh how old are you

i might be talking about myself i'm 34 okay well gra Graham and I are two generations below Graham. Yeah. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham. I've got an overseen for you. This is Scott from Victoria, BC. I was walking past our elementary school here with my daughter, and there's hearts in the windows, something that they've been doing here to thank the frontline workers uh during these times most of them were the standard stuff thank you

doctors thank you nurses um but i passed one and it said thank you therapy horses thank you therapy horses yeah you don't get time off just because of a pandemic you're putting yourselves at risk uh you know trampling sick people i don't know what they do i went to my therapy horse's office it was so awkward it wasn't even wearing a mask very very awkward you have to do therapy horses through a Zoom call or whatever. Yeah. My therapy horse is trying to tell me to confront my mother about this issue we've been going through. Yeah. At least I think that's what it's saying.

It's mostly just letting me touch its big face. I'm feeding its carrots with my fingers out, palm up. Nay. Oh, boy. Well, that's the show, everybody. Absolutely. Jordan, thank you so much for being our guest. Oh, thank you.

Do you have anything that you want to plug? Do you have an album out there that people can listen to? I do have an album. Yeah, if they want to check out my album, it's called standing on the edge of unspeakable anxiety. Okay. The name of my album. It's too long. No one's ever introduced me right at a show,

but that's fine. And I guess watch 22 minutes. Sure. Why not? But I don't know if I stand behind that recommendation. And go pick up a Vice magazine at your local cool record shop. Yeah. For free.

It's going out there. Well, thank you so much for being our guest. And thank you to all you who listen. It's nice to have you here. And take care of each other. Be safe out there. And see you next time on another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture.

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