Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 649 - Kayla Lorette

Episode Date: August 25, 2020

Comedian and actress Kayla Lorette returns to talk true crime, magazine subscriptions, and a criminal Graham Clark.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 649 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he recognizes locally that the 649 episode is the lottery episode. Google it, you'll find out. And Dave was asking for a famous lottery winner and I couldn't find it. I found Ed McMahonahon that's what i found did you you really wanted you really saw if there were any famous lottery winners yeah and

they're like you you really looked into it yeah they were nobody famous was famous before but there were a couple people who like won it and then lost all the money three years later that's kind of the level of fame um well yeah that's who we should have gotten but i yeah so if people not from canada lotto 649 is our national lottery you get six numbers between 1 and 49 every wednesday and saturday that's now kind of been eclipsed by the super sevens which i only ever see ads for that did you ever have kingo bingo was that out here no that was a dollar 49 days yes we had dollar 49 days absolutely um our guest today uh one of our all-time faves uh she's one of the greatest lottery winners of her time that's right scratch and numbers um she is a comedian. She is a producer.

She is a writer. She is all the things to all people. It's Kayla Lorette. Hello. Thanks for having me. Thanks for being on the show. I'm sorry you didn't get a very sad person in a tax issue as your guest. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Yeah. But you'll find out later what else i was searching for online and i think you'll be pretty interested in it great that's a little teaser that gives people the state for the stick around yeah yeah exactly i googled something and you know you're gonna love it yeah you're gonna love it um we uh i remember that a what was it it was a this american life a few years ago about lottery winners. Oh, yeah. And this was many years ago because I have not listened to that show since other entertainment became available.

We've all dropped off on that. But it was about, it was like there was a sad story about someone who won it, won the lottery, and then they like went into debt. And like they, because in America you don't get a lump sum. You get, and in Russia, lump sum doesn't get you. Thank you. Thank you.

But they, uh, had to like, they, they spent, they spent their millions of dollars before they had actually received it. Oh yes. Yeah.

And so they were like at a notary signing all this paperwork to default on their money and then uh as the they noticed that the notary also sold scratch and win tickets oh no they're just like signing away hundreds of thousands of dollars meanwhile they're like just not even paying attention because they're so happy to be scratching off these tickets. Oh my God. Just another example of, you know, why the American dream is just so solid. Yes. Um, I have a good lottery story. I think,

uh, the guys, the lottery. Yeah. It's Shirley Jackson's the lottery. Uh, uh, the guys that used to be a yuck,

yucks comedy club down in the plaza of nations and uh it was owned by two scumbags uh like just the worst people i've ever met in my life yes and they uh they closed up the yuck yucks they didn't tell anybody they just put chains on the door and left and then the comedians were like you just try to keep us out that's right and then uh like a year later i was in uh a tiny little convenience store and i looked up on the wall and there were pictures of people who had won the lottery and one of those guys had won the lottery he won like two hundred thousand dollars what kind of disgusting trouble did they get up to after that i if uh, like if I ever won the lottery, that's my greatest fear is that they have

to take your picture of you with a giant check. Yeah. And then you'd just do a terrible smile. I could just, I can picture it now. You don't have to picture it. There it is. Big winner. Like, can I wear a mask or.

Like guar? Yeah. Okay. Okay. Um. Or Guy Fawkes, brother. Yes. mask or like guar yeah okay um or guy fox brother yes um do we want to get to know us yeah yes get to know us uh kayla you with last uh time that you were going to be on the show you just missed the recording because of a crazy flight. Something to do with the flight. I can't remember what it was, but it was in December and it was probably a visit to family.

Yes, it was. I was going home to where my family lives on Vancouver Island and the flight was delayed and it took a long time for my bag to come out. And then I was listening to your podcast because I respect both of you. Thank you. And oh, the shade from Dave. Oh, the guest with their checked luggage. But then I got online and said, well, because my luggage was full of Christmas presents. So yeah, you actually can't make me feel bad about this.

I'm giving. The Santa excuse. make me feel bad about this. I'm giving. Well done. Graham and I had to do the episode with no guest. And your chemistry is drying up. Yes. The tension was thick. Ever since Dave won the lottery. I can't.

We don't have the same things to talk about anymore. Oh, but Graham, have you seen the new Bugattis this year? Did you get the new Bugatti catalog? The Bugatti catalog. It smells so good, this catalog. Graham, turn to page eight of the Bugatti catalog. I think they only make like three cars, so.

Oh, wow. Yeah. Bugatti, is that like, that's even more than a Lamborghini? Or is Lamborghini still the top bizarro amount of money for a car car? I think there's like a handful of those brands that all do the same thing. I only know about Bugatti because of, isn't that in Britney Spears' song? You want a mother ready? You got a Bugatti.

You got a walk, bitch. What else would you say that you learned from Britney Spears oh god don't let your dad control you yeah yeah that's true number

lesson number one daddy back off and I think she recently burned her dance studio down by leaving a lit candle in there so

okay okay daddy daddy come back daddy step in actually daddy I think she recently burned her dance studio down by leaving a lit candle in there. Okay. Daddy, daddy, come back. Actually, daddy, come back. Daddy, help me. Yeah. So she's a great gal. Are her parents still together? I don't know.

Oh, maybe she's a child of divorce now. And that's why she's acting out by burning down her studio yeah yeah this is her divorce acting out this poor poor woman it's very weird that i know so much about the parents of the like sex bots of my generation well they all got disturbingly involved all the time go simpson yeah lindsey lohan's what was her ghoulish mom's name oh i don't know gilda lohan yeah gilda lohan was that dina it was dina yeah yeah yeah dina that's a bad mom's name it's a bad mom name yeah exactly you got a mom named dina watch out you want a bigotty you got a dina mommy you better run bitch

um so when you were coming out in uh at christmas time your brand new television show was premiering on new year's eve is that new New Year's Day? Yeah. Yes, New Year's Day. It was on Crave. New Year's Eve, they played it at, I think, 4 a.m. because of some weird tax credit thing where they have to play it on TV so you make money. So some embarrassing Canadian thing. But yes, it was coming out,

and I guess I would have talked about that, but that's long gone now. It was so funny. It was so funny, and it was coming out and I guess I would have talked about that but that's long gone now it was so funny it was so funny and it was so great and if you're in Canada you owe it to yourself to watch it

and we haven't named it yet and we won't say the name of it because we have too much respect for you I'd like you to go to my IMDB and check out the episodes of Kim's Convenience

I'm in to you know appreciate Kayla if you want to find out the name of the Crave show no it's called Kim's Convenience I'm in to, you know, appreciate Kayla if you want to find out the name of the Crave show. Who are you on Kim's Convenience? Is she going to name the show? No, no, no, you're right. Who are you on Kim's Convenience?

Oh, guys, I'm a woman named Dree. She's always in a hat and she's a university student. And boy, oh boy, was I always embarrassed on set. What kind of hats are we talking? You have a very young face. Yeah, it's very round. An old body. Old body.

The body is old. Real crescent moon kind of goblin. So they just shoot from the shoulders up and it's fine. No full shots, no long shots. You're fine. No, I've got like kind of a Bunrat coup puppet in front of me of a younger body you got an old body oh boy um this show is called new eden and you play dree and i play dree always in a hat uh new eden is about a uh a women's cult from and it's a it's kind of a

documentary style uh yeah it's a it's like a fake uh it's a fake true crime documentary about a an all-female cult that started that takes place over over like three decades yeah yeah and uh did you do did you have to do like research on this or was this just all freewheeling making up a cult thing i mean we researched just to make sure that we wouldn't like do it like accidentally recreate something that already happened or um offend people but yeah then but we i mean we knew a lot about cults and that kind of culture already because and true crime because we're women and that's what we gotta do you know what what do you what's your favorite cult to read about what is what was the top what are your top three cults yeah top i was gonna say top 10 well top okay well there's

the the um the brothers the brothers 12 which which is on vancouver island which was like a cult in the 30s oh is very interesting to read about because it's a very weird it's weird that it would be it was like on valdez island oh there's this weird like mystic freak that came over from england and then tricked a bunch of rich people into like giving their money and there's a lot of stories about they're still being like gold buried on these like in these like former brothers 12 like encampments on the uh on these like former brothers 12 encampments on the different like Gulf Islands.

So that's very fun. I think I've heard of some of them. I do like that era for a cult. That era of cults or just in general? Of cults of like you know the sex magic. Yes. The weird like yes. Well the weird mysticism of like the 20s and 30s which

was like weird like horny devil magic yeah is a fun category yes yes the 70s and the 60s you're like all right sure sure but there's like uh there's another energy in the past that one's very good is uh is there any others like from out in bc or in ontario do you do you know about i don't know i know quebec has a real mess of them um really i think to like push back against the the the heavy hand of catholicism they really open things up so there's a lot of cults in quebec because they loosened like religious laws there's like a lot of nonsense in quebec like the like the railions oh i remember the they're like the weird like alien worshiping people that only eat um baby animals because they think that their meat is more pure well that's true that's just a scientific fact true

yeah enough and then i've been i feel like everyone's very um wait before the before that is the railions celine dion was celine dion related to the railions i mean i don't know that seems right was she the alien were the railings quebecois i think that they're from like most things france but then like i don't know i feel like i'm really one not even sure i'm saying it right i feel like i'm really talking out of uh but um i think that they're from um i think that they were like started in europe and then migrated to quebec because there was they could right right anything goes that's why just for laughs really flourishes there because it's all the pranks and goes that's why just for laughs really flourishes

there because it's all the pranks and yeah that's true it's a prank based culture it's a prank province what's the one that was yeah uh uh i can't remember the name of any cults right now oh i thought you were trying to think of names of prank shows what was the french one that was like there were a bunch of burnt uh like chalets in quebec and switzerland the french toast collective yes thank you thank you good oh but i have been reading um this book oh god i'm not gonna look it up i mean but but i've been reading a book called chaos um by this this journalist who, because I love Charles Manson so much. I just love the guy.

Can't get enough of him. Love him. He is the same height and weight of me, according to the internet, before he died. Well, I'm Googling that right now. But gentlemen, don't google it um but this journalist like i uh so it was my first wave of loving cults with manson and then i feel like during quarantine uh i've moved into a real like conspiracy theory love which i feel like is everyone's experience but reading about like the potential cia influence on the Manson murders and just

weird, like mob stuff and all of this. I really feel like I'm isolating myself from my friends when I talk about it. Oh yeah. Here, here, you're very, you're welcome to kind of tell us everything you've learned about Charles

Manson. What's the, what's the big conspiracy that the CIA made him do it? Well, I, I haven't gotten to it yet. Um, but it's just, it's, it's just, I think Manson was painted

as just being this lunatic who had all this power when really there were some other people that were pushing him towards this. Like there's a lot more conspiracy about wanting potentially Sharon Tate dead. It wasn't just all some like goofy. He was pushed into a girl that he liked's face by a bunch of unruly teens.

He was pantsed by the CIA. I mean, yeah. That's where it starts. Then they got you. Yeah. They take a picture of your underwear and then you have to do whatever they want. Did you watch, did you see Once Upon a Time in Hollywood? Mm-hmm, I did.

And Charles Manson in that was the same Charles Manson in Mindhunter. in mindhunter oh really yeah same guy i didn't get through mindhunter i found it boring i found it boring too i never watched season two but i do know that okay so uh is he like detective munch where he's connecting these universes together that yeah charles manson yeah those two stories take place in the charles manson universe with the same actor who's australia and is the same height and weight as kayla loren yeah did you know that um i think michael jackson and fred astaire were the same height weight and like uh skin tone waist waist size and they were like both like a size 24 waist or something oh my god i don't know why that's so satisfying to think about like just the kind of weight of a man and like the size of him this one's like this one it's kind of nice

that would be a good title for a book the weight of a man yeah yeah 28 28 inch waist 28 wow must be nice must be nice slipping on pants that fit hurrah hurrah you can get bigger pants graham yeah it's i think it would be harder to find like have you tried shopping i don't think they sell very many 28 waist pants oh no he they both had their pants made for them they didn't have to worry about running up to the shop i feel like someone's hurting your body image yeah graham you can also have your pants made for you yeah i guess that's true i could get some custom pants oh god are we going back into best pants category or whatever the heck it was you did on the Jordan Foisy episode? I listened.

Yeah, it was, he brought it on himself. And you know what? We had a great time. Yeah, Kayla, do you have a favorite pair of pants? It's the summer of pants. I was thinking about it. I was very, I mean, I felt stimulated by the question. I mean, I have had, yeah, just a really good pair of,

the first good pair of high-waisted jeans before my stomach started to kind of migrate down as I got into my 30s. It was a tight look, but you can't do it anymore. So were those jeans just framed on the wall or did you turf them or what happened? Are they hanging at the Hard Rock Cafe Toronto? Yes.

Yeah, they're in a shadow box. I installed them during a Nuit Blanche and no one noticed. Oh my God, did we lose Nuit Blanche this year? Yeah, they couldn't do it. Even with white masks, they couldn't do it. I think, Oh my goodness. I saw the first,

um, clear mask today. I was passing, I was going down my street and I passed this patio and there was a woman in like this horrifying, like plastic mask. You could see her mouth. Somebody was just telling me about those.

That was the first I had heard of it was like, is it all yesterday? Was it all steamed up? Well, it seems not safe because it's kind of it's very open at the top so the steam can kind of go out which seems like

It's like a shower curtain. It didn't seem safe. It starts kicking in towards your face like a shower, you know? It keeps grabbing onto you. It seemed like she was endangering herself but it was nice to see her mouth. It's always nice to see someone's mouth. I think so. Yeah, I've been having in the last little while um like a weird thing in my brain trying to figure out what a person looks like just based on the top half of their face yeah and uh i'm not

good at it it's it's like uh it's like guess who who? Or something. I don't, not, not great at lining up the profile. Have you guys found that? I've run into some people who are like, hi. And I've been like, I know I have no concept of who you are. Cause we all look a bit worse. I think.

So everyone's like a bit tired in the eyes. So I can't, I don't, I'm, but I think I'm bad at recognizing people. I guess in their eyes alone. I had an experience the other day of, I was in a corner store

and a little girl who was like the child of the woman running the store was being really funny. She was like stomping around and making a lot of noise and being goofy.

And I went to smile at her to be like, you're being funny. Like I wanted to encourage the child for being mischievous. Yes. And I was like, Oh,

she has it. She doesn't know. Now I'm just looking at her like, yeah, like big eyes. I wanted to be like, you're being great. Keep it up.

That was the day she quit comedy. I know. Oh God. She's never going to buy into an improv class. You should draw a smile on just because then it's your default. Yeah. Like the Joker would. Mm hmm. Yes. Yes. Has anybody seen anybody wearing a mask that has the half face of the Joker? draw a smile on just because then it's your default yeah like the joker would yes yes has

anybody seen anybody wearing a mask that has the half face of the joker or any novelty ones oh some people are having fun with it you know some people are out there having a great time i don't like that i've just got i've got my i've got plain ones and i've got Vancouver Connects. There you go. That's fun. That's a branded mask. That's having fun with it. Yeah. Kayla, what about you? Straight up black mask?

I like black. I have like nice black one with some nice pleating on it. And then I have one that I got off of Amazon where I was like, I don't have enough of these. And it's too tight and it feels, I feel like I'm torturing myself whenever I put it on like it's really like pressing my face down in this way that maybe would be sexual for some but I don't care for it I don't care for it

I wonder if a lot of people are experiencing an awakening of a kink that they didn't know that they had I was thinking about this the other day I wonder if there's something about like having your yeah if only there was like some kind of if they found out that like the disease was transmitted through your butt and they're like you gotta wear a butt plug everyone plug that's right you gotta wear a butt plug when you leave

the house if you go into a store wear a butt plug one that makes you look like a pony is preferred to any other kind of butt plug. But then it would definitely be like, oh yeah, people are definitely getting awoken to things. And then there's like the anti-butt plug movement and it's just like, I mean, it's a mess. It's a... um so you you're working on some writing things and you're have you performed live since this has all happened have you gone back to the stage no i think that improv is uh not coming back live um i've done like no really i think is that the comedy bar here in toronto um has started doing shows again but they're only stand-up shows because they can't have more than one performer on the stage but

oh okay i don't know i feel like it's been a nice break i've done like two zoom improv experiences and um the kayla laurette experience at the Hard Rock Cafe. But I don't know. I think it's I don't know. I I've been lucky enough to have like other creative work, but I'm sure it's hard. I'm sure like Graham, you must feel a bit of a torture not being able to like write jokes and perform them with that like pressure of a show coming up. Yeah, I've been doing I've held a couple of outdoor shows and I'm going to host a couple more. And those were great because you're under no pressure and it's not stressful because it's outside. Everybody's spaced apart so everybody can relax.

And I was talking to past guests to the show, Sean Proudlove. He did a show on stage in a bar that had a bunch of plastic partitions in it. And he said it was like looking in a kaleidoscope. Like you just see his face. Oh, so terrible. Yeah, I guess improv would be really difficult because you can't do it standing very far apart from each other. Well, we love to hug um so hard for improvisers you can't do arms anymore you can't do arms yeah you can't do the thing where you you know you you talk in one voice very close to each other

these are things that we can't do in this time but um no i don't know if i i i don't miss it too much i feel like i but i don't know if i'm i don't miss it too much i feel like i yeah but i don't know if i'm going to develop some like terrible shyness from this time but i kind of like not yeah i don't mind if you were do you think if you were shy that maybe a cult could uh talk you into some stuff hell yeah yeah yeah yeah i think i'm a pretty spineless person if someone was gonna love bomb me i'd sign up love bomb yeah um what is love bomb love bombing is i it's like um the idea of of like the i guess like the leader type would would um would just like just really like make eye contact with you and be like you're amazing you are gonna be everything you are great you like are the light if you stick with me and never leave i think it's like really encouraging

you so that you feel a lot of attention from them yeah i uh i think i've told the story on the podcast before but my childhood friend's brother was having he's kind of going nowhere in life and then he joined a cult and he they set him up with a job and he met his wife through the cult and his parents were like yeah you know it's fine we're not gonna try and drag him out of this cult it's the best things ever happened to him yeah for your oh yeah the underachievers can kind of maybe excel yes yeah in a cult environment that would be a good uh name for a cult like the the order of the underachievers there's laundry everywhere in there yeah the order of the four and a half um uh so do you you read a lot of true crime stuff or just cult stuff

um not anymore i feel like there was that like giant wave of everyone being like So do you read a lot of true crime stuff or just cult stuff? Not anymore. I feel like there was that like giant wave of everyone being like just lapping it up. But I feel like the kind of like morose like obsession kind of died off a bit. Just because it all, I mean, the true crime kind of movement started to feel like a bit evil. Like just really hearing and kind of like using people's like traumas to make money or like it's all very salacious and i think going through the process of like thinking about true crime a lot with our show that i i started to kind of be creeped out by it yeah it's it's gotten like for me it feels like it's gotten so saturated like at at first it was like, whoa, these, these like serious journalists,

uh, uh, people have started podcasts and they're, it's a new way where they can like get in depth on these stories. And then you just realize like, oh, now, now that there's so many of them,

it's just like, well, it's like Dateline. It's like none of them go very much deeper than an episode of Dateline. And there's really, they don't solve much at the end. No, and then this tone that they all have, this kind of adopted...

I heard a woman on the CBC the other day that was like, I felt like she was a kind of maybe a first wave broadcaster, like really victim to like podcasting tone because she didn't have like the charisma to do it. But she was like, well, the thing that we learned about this and it just had this weird like podcast rhythm but she couldn't kind of hold it up and it was very i would love

to hear it if it was like a like a 40s guy yeah like a 40s radio announcer so what you got, see? Yeah, well, now the thing about her is she's a millennial. And millennials like avocado toast. See? So I asked her, I asked her. I says, Mabel, I says. Dateline is the one that's hosted by uh what's his name the white haired gentleman with a really long paulie no i haven't watched no wasn't there like a something uh keith morrison yeah yeah he's morrison he's the one that asks uh all the crazy questions

that they you know you should be able to answer just based on the bits that he's gotten uh yeah he's yeah he's always asking one question too many like and he was dead and the person's kind of like i mean yeah to say it uh he was he was lying on the ground bleeding bleeding blood well yeah yeah and what did that indicate to you yeah when i was a kid i like i haven't watched dateline in a long time and i remember when the hosts were jane paulie and stone phillips that's right stone phillips is he still on the scene stone phillips i don't know but know. That can't be his real name. No.

Well, you know, Stone probably is. Phillips is a little... I don't know. Yeah. He changed it for show. It was Stone Vagina Head. Vagina Head. That is the quality of program you have agreed to be on.

Oh, my God. Stone Phillips is a bit of a stone cold fox. I just got some visuals on the guy. Not a lot of lips. No. But that would have taken away if everybody was staring at his juicy lips the whole time. His birth name

Stone Stockton Phillips. There you go. See? It's not even short for anything. It's not even short for like Stonerman or whatever. That feels like some, like he must be from some kind of dynasty. That feels like a rich person's name. Well, he went to Yale. Yeah, there we go. Would you remember there was other shows that were daily?

There was one called Hard Copy. Yeah. That was always very salacious. Current Affair. Current Affair. And that was Bill O'acious and current affair current affair was that and that was bill o'reilly on a current affair which one was deborah norville but i felt like back in the day that there was a similar saturation of true crime things yeah but they were all in like six six minute segments yeah that feels like the first wave of the same kind of thing which feels like it's dying off a bit now i feel like it's oversaturated

well yeah and i don't understand why it always stuck to the one crime like there's other crimes that are interesting you know a bank heist that's an interesting crime scams scams flams uh yeah um so uh uh the true crime fake true crime podcast that i make uh this sounds serious uh season three is starting on september 1st it's about a con man this year oh nice and my friend kayla lorette uh we've so it took us two years to make this and we started and had to stop it and restart it again so kayla played two roles but one of the roles didn't end up happening i feel like it was a fever dream the first role because it wasn't like a very jewish agent yes you were a hollywood agent sorry i added the jewish part i i i'm sorry the very part. And then in the second one, you, you are a cinematographer. Right.

And is that like a reoccurring role? Is that a one shot deal? What is that? I feel like that's just in episode six. We'll see. We'll see. We'll see. Yeah.

Maybe we'll bring you back. It's done. I don't know what I can do for you. Okay. You know, but you know, it's a, it could be your Mork forork for mork you know you show up for one yes we love danny the cinematographer we want a whole show a whole show just her describing things we cannot see i mean would people listen to that absolutely uh just a person softly describing a lamp and uh or a sunset you know oh yeah i think that's that's somebody's yeah yeah yeah all the colors of a sunset

yeah slow it's going down are you do you have the patience to watch a whole sunset uh no i don't i'm not starting this podcast but surely there are people out there but like yeah like i've i feel like a sunset people take picture picture of it on their phone they're like oh this did not look as good as great yeah well uh i think i soaked enough of it and no one sits around and waits for it to get dark i feel like uh you know creeps probably do you're you're peeping Toms and such. They're keeping a pretty close eye on the old sunset. Why? Cowboys, when they're leaving town,

they want to make sure they're not in the desert in the middle of a sunset, right? They're usually riding out towards it. Oh, that's, yeah, right. A lot more pictures of the sunset on Instagram than sunrise. Yeah, and that's the millennial mentality not getting up early enough yeah get up early like cheryl crowe yes yeah yeah i shouldn't see the sun come up over santa monica boulevard and she likes a cold beer buzz early in the morning so yeah yeah she's scraping

mold off the um toast i can't i didn't get the lyric i i didn't i thought i couldn't do it but there's something about that i know that yeah what happened to cheryl crow she's still around she's like i know she's touring or she's been living in a sea of anarchy she's been living off coffee and nicotine she's been wondering if everything she sees is ever real it's ever really happening yeah and then every day is a winding road did you guys find her very sexy no yeah but only when she was dating lance armstrong and then i was like now now that i can't have her, now I'm interested. Yeah. I'm hungry. Yeah.

Oh, he lost his testicle. Maybe I should cut off one of my testicles and she'll like me. Yeah. My ear and my testicle, I'll mail it to her. I was like the Vincent Van Gogh of testicles. Of testicles. But I don't paint. I just do the testicle work. Oh, man. but i don't paint i'm only uh i just do yeah the testicle work oh man the more you say testicle the more it seems like a very bizarre word for what it is testicle sounds more like icicle

than right or test test tube anyway did you think she did you think we would think she was sexy yeah i yeah sometimes i can't guess like what i think like a what a straight man will be like that's a very sexy woman yeah it was weird it was like my gauge is off a bit no you know what it was a time in my life i'm surprised i didn't think she was sexier because it was like the horniest time of my life. I was a teenager and I was like, uh, like whatever, anything.

Yeah. Just a shapely bottle. I mean, now this is being quite mean to Cheryl Crow that you're saying that your teenage boner didn't show up for her, but you say that for, for anything, literally anything. That's what I'm saying.

I'm like, it's odd that she escaped my boner. We'll just make an edit point there. Escaped my boner. Yeah, no, I thought, I always thought Sheryl Crow was a babe. I thought she well that was yeah she of course she's a babe

yeah she's a it didn't do it for you it didn't do it for you you know what she just seemed to um I think

it messed up eh no just like get out of that museum man a little she was grown up she was a little too uh you know

she wasn't I scared you a bit she wasn't really a teenage boy's fantasy the way that like the spice girls were yeah yeah i don't know i found her like because she seemed like somebody that would smoke and i was like that is cool to me cool chick yeah yeah yeah she's a bit it's yeah she was a bit maybe intimidating the spice girls at least you've got like a

spectrum of attributes that you can kind of combine am I posh today am I baby today did you have a Hollywood star crush when you were in high school somebody that unconventional

or otherwise I really don't I really don't know I really don't know. What? How would you not know? I can't remember. I'm trying to think, like, I feel like I didn't have... Mad at me for not having a Cheryl Crow boner.

What did I... What was I into? Cheryl Croner. I feel like some team... Cheryl Cronet. Cheryl Cronet. Yes, this is the point. Can we tie that back to the lantern? I can't wait to just really muster a Cheryl Cronut callback 20 minutes from now.

I don't know because I feel like teen girls would maybe sometimes have like, like paper like ripped up at like from magazines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Taped on their walls. But I don't know if it was like an only child thing or like I never I don't remember doing that

who did I have a crush on you didn't have pictures of Devin Sawa in your locker but you had pictures of Vincent Price or something like that like a real

alternative kind of as a real yeah as a real alt spooky teen I did have like some embarrassing I remember my locker having like printing off of our like printer some like silent film stars like i'm taping that like just a corny loser like just clearly an improviser

oh man i'm sure i'm sure i was horny for someone did you have posters on the wall speaking of the collage thing did you have posters on the wall as a teen no no dave posters oh i will we moved into our house when i was in grade six okay and i covered my wall with like i had a subscription to sports illustrated and it was just athletes and then i never updated it ever and so that was it until i graduated but i'm glad i didn't have like you know you know sexy babes on my wall or anything no what about you graham did you do this uh i had no i had posters um that were i, mostly cartoon in nature. But one of those, remember those old posters that just said read? And then it was a celebrity reading that they would have them up in libraries and stuff?

Oh, yes, yes, yes. So I had that one because it was Michael J. Fox. And he had a skeleton hand on his shoulder because he was reading a Stephen King book. So it was like spooky. Yeah, exactly. Spooky Michael J. Fox. Oh my God. I just started a collection of Stephen King short stories and I mean, I'm so pumped.

What is... Is it new? Are you still reading Chaos? Are you reading two things at the same time? Chaos is an audio book. So that is a different different that's a dishes kind of walking around thing i did get i was like i i really struggle with finishing reading books yeah i'm a bad i like i always think i'm i like reading but it takes me too long so i was like stephen king lean yes seems like it's a bit for dum-dums but i like to also be scared. The emotion keeps me going.

Yeah, I do like, I never had that before, but now I like spooking myself as much as possible. I like watching a horror movie or reading a spooky story like late at night. Yeah, I never used to like being scared, but I think it's something. Maybe it's like the dulling or flattening out of emotions as you get older. I'm like, get me scared now. I was trying to think of how I could scare you, Graham, but I was like, I was going to be like, oh, someone's coming in behind you, but you can see you. Yeah, that's true.

Although that would be so scary. All I can really do is, I can just, all I can do is go boo. Boo! With like a delay. Surely somebody has made Boo, sorry. I'm sorry for interrupting. No, go ahead.

Yeah, what'd you say? You were saying boo? Huh? Huh? Escaped your bone or what? Yes. Cheryl Cronut? Cheryl Cronut? Cheryl Cronut? Okay. Yes.

And the payback, it's all paid off, which is great. I just remember in my late teens, maybe even early 20s, Rolling Stone magazine, like one montheryl crow on the cover and the next month it might have even been the same cover had uh jacob dylan and like that's sexy and people were just criticizing it for being like this is not a magazine for young people anymore this is a magazine for dentists offices yeah do you remember the one cover when Seinfeld Mania was at its apex? They did a cover where they were all wearing leather? Yeah. Like black leather and they all looked like they wouldn't be out of place at an S&M club?

Yeah, that ruled. That's cool. Yeah. That was a weird thing. How did they talk them into that? Like Seinfeld doesn't attract the S&M crowd like it should. Let's restrict your skin. Let's get tight.

Let's, we want to see your shape. They're very shapely cast. Yes. Like all kinds of shapes. Yeah. Long, wider woman one woman newman oh boy um what's going on with you dave well i um uh so this pandemic has been i think we i've mentioned it a few times of like like, you know, I've cut down on people I follow on Instagram.

I've cut down on everyone out of Facebook, just so I will spend less time looking at my phone. Yeah, yeah, I get that. And so I just like, not just for me, but just so my kids who I'm around 24 hours a day don't see me just on my phone all the time. Right. Yeah.

And one of these strategies is like another part of this strategy has been that I subscribed us to a bunch of magazines. And I remember this. Magazines have always been this way in Canada, where if you subscribe to a magazine for a year you are not getting that magazine like if you if you subscribe in may you're not getting that magazine until august yes yes yeah i've had this recently that's great where you're like you're like i'm pretty sure i subscribed to this like they even sent a month before i got the magazine they sent like a thank you gift nice of just like well uh so i subscribed to oh but also i subscribed to uh three magazines i believe two of which have had like um

uh kind of like diversity issues or bon appetit too yeah bon appetit yeah uh before that went down before the uh editor was the picture surfaced of him in a racial costume um uh i did vogue which i guess has always kind of been problematic um And then I also did Vanity Fair. Oh, yeah, Vanity Fair. That's like quarterly? No, that's GQ quarterly. GQ is quarterly, but it's monthly. I'm too, I would be too embarrassed to have that come to my house.

I don't want my mailman thinking things about me. I don't want my mailman thinking things about me. What would a mailman... What is salacious about GQ? Isn't it just like guys in suits on the cover? No, but just like... He's going to think that Dave's a knob. Yeah, like what a loser.

Oh, he's got the issue with Mark Ruffalo on the cover. Loser. Like Dave gets to choose which issues he gets. It's like one of those meal boxes. You're like, I'll take the Ruffalo. The Ruffalo. What discount magazine is he the cover of? Of who?

Rob Lowe? She said Ruffalo. Oh, I thought she said Rob Lowe. But I could have said Rob Lowe. He's got a new podcast and he's coming back, baby. Yeah. He's never left.

Literally is what it's called. Really? Didn't he have he had a scandal years ago and then went away and then reborn. In the 80s? Yeah, before scandals

like, yeah, he was somewhat like whenever they mentioned the scandal, it was like, well, I guess he had a scandal. I didn't see pictures of it. It's not like every sex tape now where you can download it. I guess he's creating. Yeah, you know, back in the day they had tapes. That's how they did it.

Passed from creep to creep. Are you enjoying the magazines? Do you sit, like, quietly and go through them all? I do sit. My big thing is when the girls have a bath, I sit next to the bath and I read. That's when they witness me reading the most. Even a Kindle. I feel bad about reading a Kindle because to them, they don't know I'm reading a book.

But now they know that you like suits. You like what's hot in men's suits. And I didn't subscribe to that one. To me, every magazine is just about men's suits. Well, do you guys have a PO box or something? Yeah. Listeners, if you want to subscribe this podcast to the gq magazine this could be going to the box this would be you know what if you want to feel like you're

a fun fan you know really ruin the p.o box subscribe us and then in about four months we will receive our first issue and but we'll receive eight of it because we have eight fun fans um so uh and not only are the the magazines so they arrive so late after i subscribe to it it they do it does feel so late compared to every other form of media right like like there's in the vanity fair there's an article about um uh tiktok stars and it's like well that week the story was all about how tiktok might be banned but this is all just like fun profiles yeah it's um i was subscribed to the new yorker and it always came three weeks late so it was every review was a movie that maybe wasn't in theaters anymore, and here's what's upcoming, and it had already been come and gone.

Also, it's mostly things in New York that I couldn't go to anyways. Yeah. Yeah. Right. Are you subscribed to any, Kayla? Well, yes. I just separated from The New Yorker, and it was very upsetting. They made it difficult for me.

I'm like, I don't want this anymore. Yeah, they tried to woo you back. Well, it feels like a scam where it was difficult to kind of drop the subscription. But I also have a subscription to the now maybe not so cool Bon Appetit. to the now maybe not so cool bon appetit but dave do you have the issue that has the um sesame peach cobbler on the cover oh boy this goes a whole other direction i think i i think i do okay so i went after this i want you to look at it because i got this and it was again like i had subscribed to it so long before and it was like they'd already been i don't know like kind of semi-canceled i guess i finally got one and i was like oh like taking it upstairs all quiet like can't wait to look at the recipe it's like oh i don't know what

it sees anyway so i'm like flipping through it okay the recipe's great magazine love it love it love it then i get to the end and i flip the back page over and it's an ad for um what is it called some credit card company what's one of the like the scammy kind of credit card companies like visa i don't i whatever like not a visa or like mastercard but one of the other kind of ones oh like not american express american express that one's always kind of creeping me out discover discover something adjacent to that yes yes yes like this kind of thing and but it's so the the advertisement is a very long highway and two women in a convertible and one of them's kind of like looking back towards the camera and they're passing under

a sign like what you would think would have like you know vancouver this way whatever like a traveling kind of direction sign and then on it it said kayla your subscription to da da da da is going to end tomorrow and it was sort of like road tunes your subscription to road tunes is going to end tomorrow but it said kayla on it and i've freaked out so i was like what is my name doing on the back of the magazine? So you do want me to check to see if I have that? It is because I was like, what the hell is this new level of like ad garbage? Like they have somehow have my name because of the subscription.

They printed it on the back of the magazine. I like was freaking out for days. And then I made past guest Caitlin Howden go to an Indigo and find the magazine and turn it over. And because I was like, they've somehow figured out how to customize paper ads. But no, they just had an ad for Kayla's because I saw a lot of like Kayla's subscribe to Bon Appetit. Was I think the realization. But it was so scary. Yeah. Yeah. That's also fun it was fun yeah but if i had any kind of like latent kind of schizophrenia or something yeah some paranoia

yeah yeah yeah it would have been bad yeah beautiful mind um but uh Uh, the only thing we made out of that, uh, magazine was, uh, the, uh, I want to say it was a, uh, like a fish tacos al pastor. I loved that one. Um, and it was really good. Uh, except I, I realized we don't make fish a lot around the house and everything stunk of fish for days and weeks. and weeks and we like we ate it all but whatever like had been touched by fish still stunk yeah you have to live by the sea to have to have it aired out you got to let some seagulls that walk in the door take care of it because then your house will smell like birds delicious and yep

and the other thing i noticed about these magazines is, like, Vanity Fair is the most fun to read. Bon Appetit is just pictures. Yeah. And, like, food you can't necessarily get. There's an article about this kind of, like, wine, spritzy wine that doesn't exist here. So I'm like, well, well that sounds great can't get that um and then in in vanity fair the um like you go one thing i forgot from years ago reading magazines like you go through the stories and you're like oh that's i'll read that one oh it's only like

three pages long that'll be great and then you start reading the story and then you realize oh it has another 10 pages in the back that you have yeah i gotta go to this depressing like part of the magazine with no picture yeah and also yes for like smaller text yeah i didn't want to read about gislaine maxwell and get bummed out i gotta hear so much about her dad. Well, she turned to Jeffrey after he died. Killed. You think? Her father, yeah, a lot of rumors.

He was pushed off a boat. Who is this person that we're talking about? Elaine Maxwell. Who's this? I say Ghislaine. Jeffrey Epstein's kind of partner in crime. Enabler. But not in the romantic way from a dating website where they're like my partner in crime they actually were doing crime and they were also dated as well

yeah getting right to the root of it they didn't have much of a relationship but they did that it was the 90s so they knocked boots um but yeah so magazines are great uh fish not so great um uh the other thing is i read an article a few weeks ago about how um uh what is it? Kimchi? Yeah. Kimchi is like good at fighting COVID. Yes. Really? I've been making kimchi fried rice for breakfast.

Wow. And jokingly calling it celebration rice as if I'm a real white co-opter of food. But the joke is really not for anyone. I keep going, it celebration rice as if I'm a real white co-opter of food. But the joke is really not for anyone. I keep going, my celebration rice. But really, it is. It's kimchi fried rice. That's how you sell kids on it.

Celebration rice. I'll put a candle in it. You're going to love this. But I don't like kimchi. It's a little too pungent for me. But the article also said sauerkraut. It does same thing you like sauerkraut we got some sauerkraut and and i've never owned sauerkraut before i've been served it before and i've just been putting it on everything yeah it's so good and you can make it yourself pretty easily and i when i found out you were

the guest i was like i bet my hippie friend kayla has made her own sauerkraut before i've well i've been thinking about making my own kimchi there's like i've been buying kimchi from this family this like family that runs a like a convenience store basically like well it's a it's a grocery store but it's not kim's convenience okay um but it's so. I feel so obsessed with it. And then I was like, I wonder, yeah, how do you, I would love to ferment something. You want to put this family out of business by making your own kimchi. As I'm saying it, it sounds bad.

I love what they're doing. I'd love to do it myself. Celebration rice. And make my own celebration rice. Because to make sauerkraut it's only two ingredients and i was like oh yeah it'll be cabbage and vinegar it's not vinegar it's just cabbage and salt yeah and then and it vinaigrizes itself that's pickles too like pickles are are not made through cucumbers and vinegar it's like it's all the spices that go into it i've been

misled i thought everything was was pickled in vinegar well a lot of like yeah these things that are kind of um fermented it's a it's a crazy experience you know what there's a lot of good fermented videos on bon appetit youtube so as my hippie friend have you how many things have you fermented yourself i am very hippie i am a vanc have you fermented yourself? I am very hippie-ish. I am a Vancouver Island gal, but I'm also very irresponsible, lazy, scared. So I'm not ever committed to that process. A lazy hippie. It could happen.

I never thought I'd see the day. It does fit. Wild. Yeah, it falls into this whole Manson thing that you had going on. This is a lazy hippie. I want somebody to think for me. I'm joining a hippie cult. And we'll make our own.

They made their own sauerkraut, for sure. It's really, yeah. There's hippies that are more, you know, they're making this stuff. I am from a hippie place but my parents are i would say more skids the skids can live among the hippies yeah it's not the same thing the skids they're they're very skids are very creative yeah the skids are creative yeah yeah they'll they can smoke anything out of anything oh yeah man um uh graham what's going on with you uh well here's the thing a couple weeks ago um my name's graham clark you guys know that you know that from the top of the show

okay wait i was i did want to know this okay this was gonna be awkward because it's been 649 episodes that i didn't quite catch it oh okay uh it's graham clark and hi clark hello hi um a couple weeks ago uh some young kid who's a hacker hacked into some kind of uh i don't know some kind of internet database and stole a bunch of bitcoins and his name was graham clark i saw him so literally everyone on the internet contact me in every possible way saying oh you did was this you is this you was this you did you get you're a criminal you going to jail now it was quite they have a picture of him and he's 19 or whatever yeah yeah yeah 19 looks like a maniac um are you looking him up kayla yeah i guess yeah he's a real is he a grown-up is he no he's 17 i think oh yeah

he's a child who did he steal this Bitcoin from? I don't know. Because, you know, Bitcoin just floats around out there. And so it's, you know, nobody knows who owns it or whatever. He just took a, he had a big magnet. It's not in a bank? It's not, it's not in a bank? No, no.

It's just somewhere in a computer under a mountain somewhere that's like. Cloud? Yeah, no. It's in cloud. Different than the cloud. Blockchain. It's not in the cloud? It's in the blockchain. It's in the blockchain. Yeah's different than the cloud uh blockchain it's not in the cloud it's in the blockchain blockchain yeah oh god the blockchain oh yeah this guy's a nightmare

have you seen this guy yeah yeah i've seen him oh man he's a real uh true crime uh kind of like a matinee idol yes yes, yes. Yeah. Like, wasn't, who was the guy, Richard Ramirez that everybody said was like so hot that his conviction got something that happened

like the women of the jury kept falling in love with him or something like that. Was he the Night Stalker? The unoriginal Night Stalker? Yeah. And everybody said like, oh, he's so handsome.

And that somehow got involved in the trial. Ted Bundy. Ted Bundy, everyone said was really handsome. There's some Ted Bundy there's some like pictures of Ted Bundy in the court where you're like what do? Richard Ramirez yeah well but okay yes Graham Clark. Yes so uh I am a part of two separate online groups on Instagram. I'm part of a group that's just people named Graham. And so there are groups.

Yeah. Yeah. There's I'm like, there's a Instagram. Yeah. There's just like through messages and stuff. And so, yeah, I belong to this group of all grams. And it was a buzz with this Graham Clark news. How many people in this group? Are you the only Clark in the group?

I'm the only Clark in the group as far as I know. And I think there's maybe 10 or 11 other Grahams that have joined up. And there's very low bar for admission. You just have to be a Graham or say that you are Graham. And that'll do. And then I'm part of a Facebook group that's just Graham Clarks. Oh, that must have been so

fun for you guys. Yeah, like this was a real, like we were wondering how we could get him in the group. But now he's gone to jail. We'll just have to be fans. His middle name is Ivan. Yeah, it's mine too. So there you go. So we'll just have to be fans. His middle name is Ivan. Yeah. It's mine too.

So there you go. Yeah. Yeah. Well, it seems like he's the highest achieving Graham Clark. Absolutely. So I went through Google. And I think you're doing great. Like, I think your career is very good. And I'm always very proud of you.

But I mean, this guy's really shaking things up. So, yeah, like I Google search Graham Clark and then on the news feed. And he's, you know, I'm like 14th or 15th down the line. And so then while it was. What's so great about his crime? It's just. Why is it. He bamboozled.

Does it not happen every day? No, yeah. He like got millions and millions of dollars somehow rooted to him. So. And he's 17 and he's a hacker people love the story of a successful hacker yeah um but while i was searching for graham clarks i also thought let's see how many other dave shumkas there are online and why why'd you do that because i just wanted to see why is that any of your business because i knew we were

targeting the ukrainian community yeah i guess that that's me um and uh the the name that comes up is a guy called david shumka and he's a teacher and student our teacher at a student and teacher reunion in manitoba that was the the top hit that i could find he was old man well my people come from manitoba oh really i have a cousin dave i have a cousin dave shumka oh i did that in bc i had and there's also many hundreds of episodes ago we talked about the other dave shumka who grew up in north vancouver oh yes i believe he went to high school with past guest sam easton oh yeah and in that episode and sam easton knew him and described him as like a total badass who who like tore up all the girls in the class or something into in those words. Yeah. And I can tell you something there.

Recently, someone who knew that other Dave Shumka has contacted me. Oh, really? And been like, during this pandemic, hey, I don't know if you remember me, but in high school, we smoked a joint at whatever, on this rock or whatever. I don't know. on this rock or whatever i don't know on this rock sure i i didn't smoke any joints so here's how you know it's not me uh uh and they were like uh yeah i uh you know i lost my job during the pandemic and i i see that you're a comedian and uh you know i wanted to like maybe you know would you look at some of my writing?

It would, you know, I think I'm pretty funny. And I'm like, I'm not the guy you know. Right. And they were like, well, anyway, could you still do it? Well, I got you on the line anyways. Oh, no. And that was weeks ago and i was like i'm not no that wasn't me i'm sorry yeah it's a weird coincidence no more i have not communicated with this person anymore they continue to communicate with me oh yeah i'll read it for you

there you go kayla has gotten a show made on on grave that That's right. I'll give notes, but I want to like then pretend that they're your notes. Yes. Oh, yeah. Okay. I'll send you some links then. Great. And also, this person may now be listening. Oh, yeah.

Hello to this person. Hello. Because they now follow me on multiple accounts. And if you want to smoke a joint with me on a rock i'm in yeah um so while i was googling myself and then dave i also googled kayla the rep and okay kayla you this is when you were talking at the beginning of the show about things that you had googled this this is it this is. This is it. This is what it was. I thought it was going to be something gross. No, it was nothing gross. In a way.

But you are the only Kayla rep. As far as I can find, it was all articles about you and from many different outlets. But do you know that you're the only one? Is that kind of knowledge to you? And I'm the only one. That's not Gerald Rose you and i'm the only one that's not gerald that's melissa atheridge yes we love her um we love her i would assume i would be the only one

yeah doesn't yeah at least like shumka might be more well slightly more unique but dave that's right more classic kayla is kayla is so common that they are now putting it in magazine ads exactly that's right so kayla feels very common but lorette i've never met another lorette ever really yeah never even seen it yeah it seems common it seems like it's it's a believable name yes it sounds like a name you'd kind of like put into a script and be like, of course this name makes sense. But I've never seen it anywhere else. Right.

And I think Lorette works very well with Kayla because you've got the Kayla Lorette. You've got like a la-la-la in the middle. La-la-la-la. It's a nice sound. Did your skid parents just make up the name? Is that what it was? To get ahead of the law?

My mom's my mom's uh maiden name and it's not any of my bank account information so don't look it up but um my mom's maiden name is massy kayla massy not as good massy's good kayla loretta's great yeah kayla loretta's great it's top drawer kayla's a bit of a bad first name but i don't think so i don't disagree when we did season one of this sounds serious the character's name was daniel bronstadt and i was like i had to google to make sure the character there weren't too many of the character and there's the the last name bronstadt i just apparently it doesn't exist it's like linda ronstadt with a b in front of it i mean it's a thing i made up i was like it's probably a pretty common german name nope it's an absolutely

no one has this name it's so having to do clearances we had with new eden a lot like having to do clearances for names and it's maddening like having to like you have to like go through like a whole people that that's just their job to look up people's names i think i'd be good at that job i was doing it for free earlier today yeah it'd be great oh yeah we would do it we had to like come up with i don't know if we even had to i was just like well i will make up radio station like tv and radio station call letters that don't exist right well and you know uh if it's way if it's east of the mississippi it has to start with a W.

If it's west, it has to start with a K. Hmm. I didn't know that. The ones that we got back from our team, because we had a bunch of news station call things with letters. And the ones that were given back to us from the company were so terrible sounding. It'd be like, K-I-B-N so you're like that's it's not good it doesn't sound fun it's hard to say it looks bad like that's what you can have so in my search for kayla rett yeah i i found uh i don't it was on news section, but there was a picture of you and the aforementioned Caitlin Howden on a red carpet.

Yeah. And it had a price for what you would have to pay to license this photo. Do you know how much this photo is? Do you want me to guess? Can I guess? Yes, Dave, I'd like you to guess. Kayla will both guess. Closest without going over.

Kayla, you will go first because mine's going to be very high I don't even know what high is $80? okay we've got Kayla at $80 I'm going to go $450 Kayla's closest without going over it is

$199 okay I mean, fuck me, I guess. That's crazy. Yeah. And like, there was other pictures in the guy's portfolio and that would be like that

much per picture. So you're demanding a pretty good price out there. I guess so. But no one wants that. Was it on Getty? Yeah. Getty. Yeah. It was Getty. Getty. Um, I, when I worked at cbc we had just had an account to get in you could download

whatever you wanted and oh yeah so fun it was like no uh everything was free i did a blog post that was just 50 pictures of uh billy gibbon from ZZ Top with famous people. Your tax dollars at work. Wonderful, Graham. We love it. Should we move on to some overheards? Yeah, why not? Why not?

Schmanners. Noun. Definition. Rules of etiquette designed not to judge others, but rather to guide ourselves through everyday social situations. Hello, Internet. I'm your husband host, Travis McElroy. And I'm your wife host, Teresa McElroy. Every week on Schmanners, we take a look at a topic that has to do with society or manners. We talk about the history of it. We take a look at how it applies to everyday life.

And we take some of your questions. And sometimes we do a biography about a really cool person that had an impact on how we view etiquette. So join us every Friday and listen to Schmanners on MaximumFun.org or wherever podcasts are found. Manners Schmanners. Get it? Overheard. overheard overheard's a segment in which uh boy if you're lucky enough to overhear something this day in this day and age uh it means that you've gotten out a bit and that's good you get a little fresh air it's good for you and then maybe you can hear what somebody else is saying muffled through a mask it's a great time to get an overheard or to tell us one that you've had in your back pocket for decades. And we always like to start with the guest. Kayla, would you go

first? Rock and roll. Yeah. This was hard. I mean, I'm sure it's been hard for all your guests to know. Oh, no? Okay. So I have an overseen. uh so um so there's like there's an apartment

a building across from my apartment that is like clearly there's a drug dealer in okay cool cool and uh and and we we know this because there's always people like outside of the apartment building, which is a beautiful brick apartment building. And they're always like yelling up to him. And we think that his name is Mikey. Yes. The word on the street is that his like his ringer on his doorbell, he disconnected because he doesn't want people to ring the doorbell. So people just stand on the street and scream up to the window. Right. And then he kind of like pokes his head out and decides if he wants to like deal with

that person or not so there's always a lot going on and i love it i'm always like peeking out i'm worried that he's seeing me and i'm going to get involved in some kind of intrigue with him yes so much to the point that sometimes i like pretend I'm not looking outside and like, look, but it's like a very small window. He clearly isn't noticing me. But, um, there was a day where I was out on the patio and there's like an alleyway that I can see that goes towards this, this apartment building. And a guy was walking like very aggressively, like he was in a movie, like so much swagger. And he was holding like a large branch and he was walking with like a lot of like confidence down the alley like just a real hero shot

walking down then he goes across the street towards the apartment someone maybe associated with drug dealer is standing on the stoop and then just stands up puts their hand in the pocket of their hoodie and kind of gestures as if maybe there's a gun and I'm sure there wasn't. And man with stick just like, like a cartoon and then just turns around and runs the other way so quickly

abandoning stick halfway but like high knees running the other way. And it was just so nice to watch this like, I'm gonna fuck these guys up with this stick and then just immediately be like oh gun i gotta go i remember uh like uh maybe in the late 80s early 90s the the a plot point of having like a finger in your pocket pretending to be a gun oh yeah yes thing maybe in see no evil hear no evil yeah i feel like any time a character went

to new york they were they were mugged that was they used to be the standby you go to new york you get mugged right at the airport or whatever and uh you'd be on a train covered in graffiti these were these were the things you needed to know about new york in the 80s yeah i mean and as a drug dealer when i used to smoke marijuana on that rock i mean wait oh no i am that dave listener listener yeah i was too stoned to remember, but I am that Dave. Dave, do you have an overheard? Oh, boy. Do I? Do I?

Do I? Do? Oh, yeah. No. You know what it is? I haven't overseen. This was today, and it's- This is fresh.

This is fresh. I went to the grocery store, Safeway. Yeah. Hold your applause. Woo. Wow. Cool. Yeah.

We don't have those here. No. It's owned by Sobeys. It's owned your claws. Woo. Wow. Cool. Yeah. We don't have, we don't have those here. No, it's owned by Sobeys. It's owned by Sobeys in Canada. I think it's owned by, uh, you know,

different, different company in America, but it's, um, good. They have, they, they got,

they got it down in terms of, you know, they wipe down the carts. Uh, you know, I, sometimes I go to save on, they don't wipe down the carts. You know, sometimes I go to Save-On, they don't wipe down the carts, and you have to put your quarter in to get a cart.

And the carts are all mouth-activated, which is disgusting. Mouth-activated, yeah. You have to blow into it, and then it starts. There's an amount of droplets it needs before. You have to really stimulate it. It's bad. And Safeway has someone spraying hands when you go in right

i love that yeah and they could be putting anything in that bottle and i'm just like give me give me um but as i was leaving i saw a truck that had a uh the company name on it and it said king khan's truck repair but it it was king khan khan c-o-n and i was thinking like well there's no good khan is always a bad thing like you're either a convict or a khan man or the opposite of a pro yeah what's uh what's the movie that the tagline was the con is on? I think that's most con movies. Con movies. Yeah, that's right. You're allowed to use that phrase if you're organizing a con movie.

So King Kong's Truck Repair and the mascot or the logo was just like a very muscular gorilla. Oh, goodness. But I would not hire any company that had the word con in their name no but uh but that logo maybe makes me think twice it was on board that's cute as hell it got me hornier than cheryl crow crow not yeah ah yes um uh my overheard comes courtesy of uh i Cronut! Ah, yes! My overheard comes courtesy of I was waiting for a ferry so I was on a dock

and a guy who had a car he came over with a thermos and he dumped it over the edge of the pier that we were on and it was a giant salmon is what it was so he just chucked it over the edge of the the pier that we were on and it was just giant it was a giant salmon is what it was so he just chucked in the water i think he felt like seals were gonna eat

it or whatever uh so he chucked this in the water sorry he had the uh he had a salmon in a thermos no sorry not a thermos a cooler cooler i was gonna i was gonna no you're right throw up yeah okay sorry sorry yeah a, not a thermos. I get confused. They all keep things cold. And in some cases, keep them hot. So I watched him do this and I was like, it's not legal. You're not allowed to do that.

And he just walked away. And then the husband and wife couple, who had obviously been on a very long trip and there was tensions were at a maximum between the two of them uh because the woman upon seeing this said oh that sucks that that guy did it did that we could we could use that fish and the husband was like oh yeah really really we could use that fish where would we put it huh where would we put the fish uh just a real drama unfold well the drama but also just scraping at something to talk about like he's he's right too like what do you mean we could have used that fish you're always pointing at garbage and saying we could use that thing but you i'm i'm still caught up on you thought that it was illegal that he threw out that fish i think throwing anything

in the water is not i think that's where they're from yeah graham that's true if you've ever seen anyone on a dock when you have to when you gut a fish that you caught you chucking the guts back in the ocean oh yeah so yeah circle of life turning and you know what this is giving them a chance to mourn i kind of get that way uh i remember so anytime i go to wendy's which is a lot which is the only uh fast food place i go to hmm uh is that true are they square are they square burgers yeah they're squirgers that's what they're called they used to be called square burger and then they changed it to wendy's for legal reasons but i will get a meal and i get a burger and fries and a drink but i the the drink is i don't i only need a couple sips of the drink so i would sometimes anytime i get a

meal i after i park my car i have a couple sips of the drink and i just throw the drink out the door like i open the door and pour it out i think you may just like chuck it out when you're driving no no no i'll like park i look for someone to bully i throw throw it at their head. This is what we have to do to keep the nerds down. Find a local dweeb, yeah. To keep the nerds down. We got to. We got to. They got too confident with all those franchises.

And I remember it rains a lot here, but I remember there was like a long dry spell. And at a certain point, there were like stains on the ground at my work from multiple times I had gotten Wendy's and thrown the drink out the side. Oh, no. It's like, oh, I guess I went to Wendy's twice in one week. That's not good. Oh, boy. That's such a shame. Now, in addition to our overheardsards we have overheards sent in by people

all over the map and if you want to do the same you can send them in to spy at maximum fun.org this first one comes from douglas from harris harrensburg virginia uh he said this weekend my four-year-old daughter ran up to me and happily proclaimed, Daddy, look at my jihadi skills, and ran out of the room. I was confused and asked my daughter to repeat what she said. My wife chimed in for the other room. Doug, stop it. She said her karate skills. So it's Doug that's stirring the pot, right?

Well. He knew. City. I don't know. I don't know Doug. I don't know his life. I just know the snippet. Yeah, I guess.

I don't know. You don't know how, if your girls are going to get, you know, I don't know. I don't know, Doug. I don't know his life. I just know the snippet. Yeah, I guess. I don't know. You don't know how, if your girls are going to get, you know, I don't know, radicalized. I don't know. Yeah, that's true. A lot of kids do. I mean, you can use karate for jihad. That's right. Yeah.

Yeah, we talked a couple weeks ago about different martial arts that you took as a kid. And I had taken one. Kayla, ever karate? Kung fu? No, I only ever took some guitar lessons until the guitar teacher made me cry. And I quit. What? Could you use some martial arts?

Well, what precipitated that? He had me learn some chords. And then he said, what song is this? And I didn't know. And it was very simply, I didn't know. And it was, um, very simply, I don't know.

It was something like Mary had a little lamb and I couldn't figure it out. And he kept going, what is it? Keep playing it. And I kept playing it and he kept going, what is it? And I kept playing it and he kept going, what is it?

And it, and then I asked my mom to let me not do it anymore. That sounds like a scene from whiplash. That's exactly whiplash. What song am i playing what song are you playing oh man oh man uh this next one comes from jeff s in laguna niguel california sessions do you think yeah yeah yeah i think so i'm not gonna for sure, but it might be. Okay.

I was at a dentist office when a 16-year-old was brought to the adjacent chair. The hygienist asked him, is this your first cavity? And the teen said, I can't really remember, but it is definitely my most recent. Okay, we'll put that down. Yeah. You haven't had any more cavities since the one you have right now well i mean unless you find one on there um yeah i feel like every time i go to the dentist new cavity and uh somebody's uh got their bugatti money from how much I spent on my teeth. Do you want a cavity? Do you, have either of you been to a dentist since lockdown?

No. No, me neither. Fuck them. And I know I'm ignoring things that I probably should have it looked at for sure. Oh, yeah. What? I'm not gonna. My safety. No, just don't want to? Yeah, just don't want to yeah happy for an excuse yeah i um i had a monthly membership to my yoga place and they were like well uh i've maybe i've already

talked about this but they were like uh do you want to get out of like do you want to keep doing yoga or would you like to stop your membership and if so which of these reasons and one of them was a medical condition and i put medical condition and they didn't ask any follow-up questions but if i if they did i was gonna be like the fucking pandemic that's the medical reason absolutely the overall health condition um yeah i what that's are they allowed to ask that health condition i guess they didn't follow up with any other no they didn't follow up is where it's an issue yeah it's hinky um this uh last overheard comes from alexander a parts unknown. But this is him.

We were listening to music with the kids when this happened. Beastie Boys. Hey ladies, my four-year-old daughter. Yes? That's pretty good. I feel like I was thinking maybe like a week ago that I think Beastie Boys, if there's

any swears in them, of course not. Otherwise, that would be good music for kids. Yeah, it's certainly not for grown-ups. No. But isn't there a nice... Isn't there a nice... Never mind. Cut this out.

I think there's... Isn't there a nice Beastie Boys lyric that's like, for all the sisters and moms and the... Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's some like... What is that one? It's so sweet. The wives and friends, I want to offer my love and respect to the end

that's right yeah it's very nice that's nice for a daughter yep yeah um yeah I think it's

I just think they make fun kid like music yeah they're a party band they're party yeah exactly they love to party

kids love to party they hate taking naps cause they know they're missing out on a party Beastie Boys also hate taking naps because they know they're missing out on a party. Beastie Boys also hate taking naps. Yeah, absolutely. No sleep.

Bill Barkley. Yes. Yes. They got all those songs about juice boxes. Graham. Yes. How's your rib? Still hurts.

I went and had an x-rayed. Oh, did you? Not broken. Oh. But you didn't get any damn pills yet? I did, but I don't think I react to them whatsoever. Uh, because I took one yesterday and it, like, it didn't lessen any, any of the pain. So it's still there and it will be with me for eight weeks.

It was x-rayed and they said what? They said... Not broken. But they were like, you can still have some yummy pills? Yeah, because it could be a muscle that got torn or it's just bruised the rib. They couldn't tell. They couldn't tell. But they said great spine, they said.

Hot spine. No. Really? No, they didn't. Okay. I don't think they're allowed to try and compliment people's bones. I think it would be nice for you and, you know, when you kind of wrap, in like classic movies,

when they wrap kind of a rib cage and a lot of gauze to kind of keep everything tight, maybe this could be something you could do for, you know, just for fun. Yeah. Kind of to keep it all kind of tight so you don't bend so much. Yeah. My doctor specifically said not to bind it. Oh, don't bind it.

Yeah. Okay. Yeah. But, you know, she also said something weird and I should have been like, no, no, go back to that. Because she was like, you didn't break a rib. There's some scarring on your lung, but that's healed now. And I was like, what is the scarring on my lung i didn't think about it till i hung up the

phone but uh there's something that was on my lung and has healed so they did the did they do the uh x-ray over the phone yes it was a zoom call and i held it up, and the lab assistant still went behind that lead door. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. Spy pod one, like these people have.

Hey, Dave and Graham. It's Patrick Foy in Omaha. I have an overheard for you. I'm in the park and our splash pads are still open in my state, which is a little weird, but whatever. And there were these two kids playing in it. And there's one of those like big towers where it fills with water. And then there's like a bucket that drops down on you. And there was this kid who was laying right under where the bucket was going to empty

and as it emptied, it hit him full force. And then he grabbed his bathing suit. Ah, my penis. Have a good one. Bye. Oh, great. oh great man there's literally not a funnier word he could have said oh my god oh man oh man all right next phone call. Nothing to say here. Hi, my husband and I were having lunch at a local taqueria, and there was an older gentleman with his two grandkids with him. We think it was his step-grandpa because he didn't seem particularly comfortable with them.

The little girl was probably about eight, and the boy was five, and he was wearing a Sonic the Hedgehog shirt and was playing a Sonic the Hedgehog game. Anyway, during the whole meal, the grandpa kept getting irritated with the little boy. And at one point, they're getting ready to leave, and the girl and the grandpa decided they were going to go swimming. And he asked the little boy, are you going to go swimming with us? And the little boy said no. And then the girl said, but Sonic loves to go swimming. And the little boy got excited and said said Sonic loves to swim in the pool?

and she said yeah he does and then the grandpa said no he doesn't he's a fictional character and the little girl turned to her grandpa and said way to dash a little boy's dreams you jerk oh man grandpa doesn't get at all

what she's doing. Grandpa. I mean, step grandpa. Step grandpa. Yeah. I never thought about that, that there would be step grandpa. I can't think of anyone I'd want to spend less time with than a step grandpa. I mean, I'm glad grandma's getting railed, but.

Step grandpa. Jesus. It's a step grandpa he's not married to the kid's mom he's the grandpa so he's not railing he's railing his wife if she's still alive no he could be married to the kid's grandma

yeah oh to the kid's grandma oh that's a step grandpa he'd be a step dad if he was railing their mom but in this case he's railing the grandma if you have a step parent your stepparent's parent is also your step-grandfather. That's what I was picturing. Oh, right.

Who could you care less about than the parent of the guy that came over, Ken, or whatever? That's absolutely true. Yeah, Ken's dad. Ken, yeah. You go hang out with Ken's dad. He's going to set up a sprinkler for you to run through yeah yeah yeah your sister's gonna trick you into swimming and ken's gonna get mad about it or no ken's dad weirdly aggressive about this at a taqueria that he made us go to kids don't care about taquerias yeah

yeah they're all like why is the taco hard do they have quesadillas that's all a kid will eat there I just want cheese and a flour tortilla please do they have chicken fingers no they have a quesadilla it's like a Mexican

grilled cheese yeah absolutely fun step out of your comfort zone. Make a run for the border. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave, Graham, and guests. This is Chris from Grimes, Iowa calling in with an overheard I heard at work. I work at an anime and manga

retailer, so we sell a lot of Japanese comic books and cartoons and stuff like that. We just got done with a month-long sale, and we hired on a lot of temps in the warehouse to help us out with stuff. And that includes a couple of high school bros who were helping us out and restocking items on our shelves. And one of the guys is talking to the other, and he's just like,

well, it looks like this item's out of stock. Have you ever heard that term, out of stock? It's something that warehouse workers only really use. It means there's of stock. Have you ever heard that term, out of stock? It's something that warehouse workers only really use. It means there's no stock. Thanks for the great show, guys. Have a good one. You may be confused as to

what the origin of this, the etymology of this. Out of means there's no and stock means stock stock so oh boy manga factory yeah like oh man to be a summer bro doing that kind of job that's the best kind of job in grimes iowa the city named after Elon Musk's baby mama. Did they backpedal on the whole number naming thing? Yeah, they went with Ken.

Ken and Jill. Wow. Well, that brings us to the end of this here episode. Kayla, thank you so much for being our guest. Thank you so much for having me. It's always so nice to guest on this great podcast it's a real hootenanny yeah besides New Eden if this is ever over and you ever get to town and your luggage ever arrives we'd love to have you back oh boy this again but everybody in Canada should watch New Eden on Crave

it's fantastic it's like a self contained series it's just like the full story is there in one season it's great and very easy to binge I just kept watching episode after episode and is there anything else you want to

plug here on the podcast hell no no I've abandoned I'm really close to just abandoning all social media I think we all should everyone's got a sick sick brain but if you could watch my TV show please

because I'd like to do another season so that would be nice but other than that no no, don't, don't follow me. It's all, it's all terrible out there. Yeah. And,

uh, listeners might be interested if they haven't yet listened or haven't yet watched it. It stars you. It starts past guests. Emily Rosen, Caitlin Howden. Yeah.

Um, probably some others in there. Just a host of very hilarious uh hilarious people it's sincerely it's a real love letter to the toronto comedy community so we've really cast a lot of people that would would be guests on this podcast or would be people that your your listeners would like and i'm very proud of it yeah you should be great uh what watch the damn thing and then you can everybody in canada free subscription to crave and then just get out of there because yeah get a get in and get out but you know what you'll find that crave is one of your better streaming

services um there's like got the hbo there's just so much of this is not sponsored content but like as far as i go like new movies um just new content coming out constantly and you know the occasional new eden yeah yeah exactly if you're lucky enough um uh well thanks again for being our guest thanks to everybody out there for listening. Stay safe during this time. Take care of yourself and each other, as Jerry Springer would say. And thank you for listening. And come on back next time for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

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