Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 651 - Pat Kelly

Episode Date: September 8, 2020

Comedian Pat Kelly returns to talk morning routines, cold brew coffee, and caricatures.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 651 of stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and with me as always is a man who shares my penchant for shininess on the camera mr dave shumka yeah i've been experimenting with a lot of oils yeah uh i did think uh no very like whatever the opposite of essential is. Superficial. Superficials. Scurrilous. Yeah, expendable.

Expendable oils. And, no, I did read a thing about, like, instead of, like, trying to dry the oil on your face, just put more oil on it and confuse it. Yeah, that's right. Overwhelm it with oiliness and then it retreats to dry? That's the opposite of oil i think it just spreads out it spreads it out in you i just have like an all over like glow but what's the have you noticed there's like a difference between like a shiny glow and then if you see somebody who's dewy and like it's quite nice to see somebody who's like

yeah fresh as morning dew but what's dewy is it like it's coming from the outside in yeah the inside out i don't know i don't know my forehead gets shiny because of i'm sweating because it's hot and then i feel like i just end up with a layer on top of me yeah but that's not maybe i am dewy i do have brothers named Huey and Louie. Our guest today, one of our all-time favorite guests. He is a part of This Sounds Serious season three? Two. Three.

Three. Yeah. And which is out right now on all your streaming and downloading platforms. It's Pat Kelly, everybody. Gentlemen, start your engines. Fun. That's a new thing I'm working on to start conversations. With two men.

Yeah. Yeah. That's fun. It's fun to work on a new catchphrase. Yeah. Mine is see you now alligator. So it's an, it's a twist on an old favorite.

Right. They, is there been any workshopping of COVID type catchphrases on either of your parts? You've got to hand it to me, but please don't. That's fine. Yeah.

Together. We're all in this together alone is mine together we're all in this together alone together together we're all in this together alone mask it up and drop trowel no one said drop trowel in a long time yeah it's it's fun it's a military way of telling somebody to pull their pants down um no but it would drop trow was always it it was it didn't it felt like nothing really creepy about it or malicious it was like it was camaraderie like hey guys you think we should drop trow yeah like we're all gonna drop trow? Yeah, like we're all going to drop trow. Yeah, like, hey, you know what? Tonight's got full of potential. I might even drop trow. Or it was like camp, you know?

It's positive. Dropping trow is positive. Yeah, I really had to go to the bathroom and we were on a car ride, so I got out of the car. I dropped trow. Dropped trow. Yeah, dropped trow.

I mean, I feel like if you said that to a judge he'd be like oh okay um boys will be boys yeah yeah um while we're on the topic what is being pantsed is that being having your trow dropped for you that's someone surprise it like surprising you without you knowing yeah but not never but not. No, they're not the same. They're not the same. No, not at all. But in Trow, I mean, no one really wears trousers, proper trousers anymore. I do. They start on my belly button. Everyone wanted to drop them.

But yeah, we've dropped Trow from our wardrobes. But being pants, you need like an elastic waist to pant someone right nobody can do it if you have a belt because it's too firm or even just jeans like jeans with no belt pretty cool that's a good look jeans with no belt jeans with a belt trying to pant somebody would be hilariously awkward and take forever and there'd be a lot of reefing on the bottom and nothing would happen and then you'd just be a guy tugging on someone's pant legs it's assault it's what are you doing i'm i'm tugging on your pant leg i'm i'm yeah can you please loosen your trowel do you guys want to get to know us yeah get to know us pat how are you i'm very well thank you um i'm i'm i was about to

do the thing that i'm tired of people doing which is to reference the state of the world right now right with with and so i'm not going to do it. No pandemic for me. I'm fine. You're fine. You're, you're living, uh,

you're just cruising along. You're living your best life. Well, yes, I am. I, you know, it's,

uh, amazing how much time is going by so fast in the last six to seven months. And I'm taking it all in. I'm taking it all in. It taking it all in it's my new attitude just take it as it comes and wake up realizing you got it pretty darn good yeah you know a little gratitude yeah yeah yeah um the last time you were on the show you had you told us that you had started adding stretching in the morning to your that was like three times that was oh god well and i want to talk about it now it's gone

i believe but it's i believe i can fly um i i believe that that was uh a reference to a particular month i was on which was january and i had implemented a stretchuary what was february right okay stretchuary or so then march in january yeah what what's stretchuary short for february or january january no i think it was uh yeah no in january uh 26th of 2015 you were on our show. So five years ago, I was stretching. Stretchuary. Unfortunately, Graham, the stretchuary and morning stretch has not been part of my DNA lately. No, yeah.

What is part of your DNA? In the morning? Yeah, yeah. Oh, boy. You know, let's do... Do you really want the whole thing? Yeah. Are you a coffee man? Yeah, let's do you really want the whole thing yeah do you are you let's do it okay so the alarm goes off my eyes gently open what do you what's your alarm do you have it on your phone or is it a it's an alarm clock we have a no phones in the bedroom policy

so yeah you can't film yourself okay i got i i actually technically keep mine in the bedroom policy. Ooh, kinky. So yeah, you can't film yourself. Okay, I got it. I actually technically keep mine in the bedroom because let's do this part of the domestic argument that happens in my home. It's a safety thing. Sure, yeah. When we were young, you had a phone in the house or in your room. So if it rang, you'd know.

Yeah. But with cell phones, you don't have a phone to wake you up so you need to have a phone in the room yes correct well why don't you just get a landline and that can be the phone in the room because then nobody would have the number so yes well that reason checks out absolutely so the first thing i do is i wake up and i look for the phone and i think oh my goodness it's still here um nobody has taken this thing in the middle of the night um and then uh you know I just take it all in I take in the the the physicality of the room I left it okay you can go a little faster. I asked. Graham wanted to know.

I want a piece by piece. What's the new routine? What's replaced stretching? Yeah. I take in the room and I... Wait, I'm lost. Can we go back to... How do you go to bed? Okay, so the key to going to bed is you need to calm yourself. Do you use an app for that? No, wait, no phones.

No phones. And in this digital world, you need to really digitally detox before bed. Yeah. So I've been reading books about World War II. Okay. What's new? What's new in World War II? Well, it was bloody it was it was a you know i i find

that there's there is no other genre of um historical non-fiction that can compete with world war ii we don't have anything that's like you know these these heroes like yeah do you know what i mean villains there were also villains involved. Yeah, but what's coming next? Like in another 30 years, are we going to have a genre of historical nonfiction that is like, it's going to be us versus the robots when it's us versus the robots.

That'll be a hell of a book to read. You know what I mean? Yeah, definitely. So that's, that's the next. Yeah. So anyway, that's, that's how i go to

bed dave as i think of you know the trenches uh-huh um and so are we back to the morning now yeah okay i mean what how long do you sleep no no but in between in between i get up a couple of times a night to pee and this is a new. So do you guys want to know what those adventures are like? No, no, no. I mean, we know what happens, the result of the getting up. How far is the bathroom from your bed? Oh, gosh. You want it in seconds or centimeters?

Is it attached to your bedroom? It's not attached no no so it's um what we're doing is we're we're leaving we're we're exiting the bedroom and then we're now into the kitchen dave and you come i tell you i take the kitchen in because it's the quiet there's nothing quite like the quiet of the middle of the night well there is a little bit of a hum from the fridge yes there's a hum from the fridge and i'll maybe glance over at the stove to clock the time, and ooh, wouldn't you know, it's the same time as last night that I'm doing this adventure.

You know, we're in the three o'clocks right now. Okay, yeah. Still some time to sleep, right? Yes, exactly. You still have time to sleep ahead of you. We're not worried about losing a night's sleep. We're like a child on Christmas Eve, you know? You have something to look forward to, which is to go back to bed and fall back to sleep gently.

Yes, yeah. With dreaming of... Your morning presents. Yes, your morning presents. Sugar plums. Yes. So now we're back're more morning presents sugar plums yes um so now we're back to the morning if you say so is this what we're doing for 45 minutes i mean if it takes 45 minutes like yes this is this is the new get to know you yeah yeah yeah it's someone describing their entire routine i like i do i don't i guess i i love that yeah i

love any any like news or a magazine article where it's like here's this you know this person is super productive here's how they structure their morning and then also like here are their 10 essential things that they've always. Do I have anything that's essential? No. If that's the question, I'd have zero things that are essential. You don't have like a gotta have,

you like. Gotta have coffee. Gotta have, gotta have coffee. Gotta have coffee. Gotta have coffee. Gotta have my pops. And yeah. All right.

Let's get, I'm sorry. We've yeah. Come on. You're up. You've taken in the room. Yeah. You've taken in the room. Yeah. You've taken the room.

So I've taken in the room and then it's either at that point I, I look down, we have a dog named Farley. Farley is usually down at my feet. On the bed. Yes. I'll, um,

I'll tip my nightcap to Farley and say, good morning, Farley. Um, and, and Farley will will you know appreciate that then i go in i gently gently quietly get out of bed as to not disturb the others in the home and i turn on the coffee how many other people are in this home my wife and farley okay um

so what's your coffee uh you just got a drip just a drip drip but those beans have been grinded the night before the drip is ready all you need to do is just turn on the switch nice so switch goes on the coffee gently starts dripping it's not violently plastic out of there no it's not violent it's not like a it's not a explosive like almost diuretic diuretic yes thank you yes so the so then we gently come back to bed everything's gentle you see that's what's happening here guys it's gentle yeah and then i blast right to the phone and probably look up a trump tweet and then the day has begun yeah yeah your phone blasting and away you go i just go phone blast usually check the you know the worst stuff

possible yeah and then the grumpiness begins and then you know the gentleness is over and everything just becomes a thundering complex uphill climb for the rest of the day yeah yeah that sounds like a day yeah yeah i get it i get it um do you blast do you blast on the cell phones right away oh yeah is everybody 100 i i sleep with it uh Uh, I usually am listening to a podcast in one ear so I can lie on my side. Your own show. Yeah. I listen to this. I'll be listening to this in a couple of nights.

Yeah. Uh, and then, uh, wake up with, uh, usually tangled up in the earbuds and the phone looking for the phone. A,

one of my children has come into bed in the middle of the night and it's under them and uh so it's and then i but i have to do that gently because i wake up about currently about two and a half hours before everyone else in my family intentionally yes what do you do with that two and a half hours so you get is this a work time or are you just like now it's time to play video games um it's uh well i'll watch i watched a movie the other day i um a morning movie so yeah sometimes i'll watch a movie sometimes i'll do a little yoga sometimes i have tennis in the morning nice this is uh this is an active lifestyle both of you guys really getting it done well i mean i i guess i really should go through my routine a little

slower yeah that's true when do you take in the room i don't i usually wake up and i hold my pee so i can pee elsewhere in the house without waking anyone else up sure yeah that's nice of you in a potted plant downstairs can i ask what the what what the feeling is like to settle into a morning movie first you get your popcorn going yeah i'll be honest okay so i watched uh this movie breaking away oh that's one of my dad's favorite films do you know what pat no it's is it the breaking bad movie it's the breaking bad movie no it's uh it is about uh cyclists in indiana uh in the 70s i think like it's a true true story no i don't think so hoosiers but with bikes kind of yeah by hoosiers, but with bikes. Kind of, yeah, by Hoosiers.

But it's like local kids. It's in the big college town. Local kids versus the college kids. Is Daniel Stern in it? Young Daniel Stern, young Dennis Quaid. Yes. Young, what's his name from, who played the guy in the Watchmen movie with the changing face? Jack Earl Haley?

Jack Earl Haley? The changing face. So, Dave, you just woke up and you said, this is the one, or did you just find it on a... Or you woke up with this, you took in the room and you're like, this is the one this morning. So, yeah, i have a like we have a i just haven't had time to watch a whole movie in a while and i looked at what was on the pvr and what was in my netflix queue and this was

the only thing that was under two hours oh nice and so it was like, that was my psychology. It's like, I got to, I do not want to be watching a movie and have people come down stairs when I'm like 15 minutes left. Are you worried about their reaction to dad's been up watching a movie? No, I'm worried that they'll need things from me. Right. Yeah. And they'll spoil the ending. They'll come down and be like, oh yeah, I know this one. Yeah, yeah. right yeah and they'll spoil the ending they'll come down and be like oh yeah i know this one yeah yeah do you think it when one day like when you're at you know when one of your daughters

gets married let's say she's she's in her 30s and she's she finds out she tells you tell a speech that you reveal to the family that for their whole life you woke up two hours early to watch a movie like this is your pandemic is this going to be like an like an anecdote that one day oh my wonderful father do you know what he used to do he used to get up at 4 30 in the morning and watch a double feature so wait why why is she making a speech about her father at her it's dave's funeral funeral. It's my funeral. I'm changing. It's Dave's funeral. And this is the one thing she loved the most about it. Yeah.

I really loved that he never watched a movie in my presence. It's pure, like it's 100% because of the pandemic because they'll just wake up at 8.30 or 9 now

because they have nowhere to be. Yeah. School has not yet started in whatever iteration of it it's going to be. And so I wake up at 6.30 and make the most of that time. That's wonderful. That's a good way to spend your time. They stay up so late now. Like, I don't get any alone time at night.

Do they stay up to carson or arsino i guess it's the same block they stay up to carson daily which is after whatever's on at 12 30 now and he's like at a fish market or something wasn't it like every night with him he was didn't have a studio to call they were trying to humiliate him out of having a tv show so he was always like on the street like all right well our guest today is uh phoebe bridgers well she's not our guest but a camera crew went and shot her concert and uh oh boy do you do you guys remember the the feeling of the first time that you were up that late as a child, where there was a different type of TV show on TV and you're like,

what am I doing here? What am I, what am I watching? What was yours like that? Do you, obviously like the late night, like Carson and stuff, but I specifically remember,

I mean, you know, and I was quite, I was a bit older at this point, but I remember the first time like kids in the hall came on and I was like, what am I doing? Am I, am I allowed to be witnessing this?

And, um, yeah, that the very first one for sure. Mine was the same as we were on a holiday and, uh, you know, all bets are off on holiday.

You're eating candy for dinner. You're eating the sugary breakfast cereals. And, yeah, my parents put on Kids in the Hall. We were kids. We were kids at that point. And all the jokes I didn't get, but I knew they were great. You know, I was like, oh, they're doing something here. I don't know what it is, but I love it.

Interestingly enough, when you watch it now you have the reaction to about 50 of the sketches are like that now too you're like there's i don't something's going on here i don't i think i get it yeah um it's remarkable we don't need to talk about kids in the hall but it's remarkable the pace of that show compared to everything else in the world right now. Do you find it slow? Oh, yeah. I mean, it's like all that stuff from then was just slow. Yeah, it was slow. Like watching a movie. When is Breaking Away from? Is that an 80s? Is that a 70s? 1979, maybe?

How slow is that movie? I mean, it is like the first half half hour you don't know what it's about it's like setting this world that like something that would have happened in five minutes in a modern movie right and then like build up to this big race but you don't even know that bike racing is is on the map for most of these people. One of them owns a bike. Right. And that, that should tell you everything you need to know in a seventies film is that you're going to really get to know that guy and his bike.

Yeah. Graham, you know, speaking of bikes, you know what came up in one of my algorithms? And I, and I say Graham, because he'll have a,

an invested interest in this because the location of which it was filmed, a re-release of rad. Oh yeah. Rad. Is that, uh, the Australian one? Oh my goodness. because the location of which it was filmed a re-release of rad oh yeah rad is that uh the australian one oh my goodness okay rad is the the bmx movie that was filmed in calgary oh rad was shot what's the one from australia that has um uh what's her name nicole kidman in it it's her first role red red you're confusing rad with reed yeah it was about the color of her hair yeah um rad there was who was in that was it uh laurie laughlin i don't know yes there was there was

some people in it i i mean what was the was there one with josh brolin that was like i think he was in a movie i think josh brolin's in rad okay yeah wow and did you know this uh when you were a kid that rad was shot in calgary it's all it's all i knew it's all um i knew it because it was a friends of ours lived near where they did all the the um like they called it hell track and it was like the track that was impossible to do bmx on and oh right they it was in bonas oh yeah yeah okay yeah and uh this were you a a biker at the time no no no no no then then the other connection was my friend's mom was an aspiring extra she had already been an extra she'd already been an extra in superman and now

and one of her follow-up roles was an extra in rad nice so we knew that rad was happening did she do the the triptych of superman rad and cool runnings you know what i will find out that's a follow-up question that's a reason to have me back on i will find out for you because there's a very very good chance she did the the just to to get everything straight josh brolin was in the skateboarding movie thrashing which came out the same year as rad rad has like a dance scene of like a bmx dance scene doesn't it yeah there was laurie laughlin ballet somebody's riding and the thing is spinning the front handlebars are spinning is that like bmx ballet kind of like dirty dancing but with bmx like uh what was the ski ballet event?

yeah ski ballet wasn't there a ski ballet event in like yeah that was almost in the Olympics? it was like a what do they call it an exhibition

demonstration sport demonstration sport and they would have they would plant their poles in the snow and then like kind of twist off of them and do like

their legs would be in the air for a while and then they would they did all sorts of all sorts of moves. I don't know why it was a thing at all, because I don't remember that as a sport. I think if you YouTube, YouTube some of the videos and you'll discover why it wasn't a thing at all.

It's amazingly underwhelming. it's amazingly underwhelming um um there's this sport that they have on every year that's uh i think red bull sponsors it and it's skating downhill oh yeah why is that not an olympic sport that seems like a cool sport that's crazy yeah it's crazy the crashed ice crashed ice crash test crash test dummies yeah well what the guy from the crash test dummies invented it oh yeah that's right but he only has rights to the word crash yeah and then the rest of the band owns test dummies they have to stay together um so uh pat he said this uh new season of the this sounds serious um what does this sound serious pat yeah tell us all about it well i think david is uh probably the

most eloquent at speaking to this but i will speak to it here we go yes um well this sounds serious if for those who listening who don't know is that this is our third season and dave plays an instrumental role in all of the writing of these seasons but they um it's our take at sort of fake true crime uh podcasting which is obviously one of the most uh prolific uh genres of podcast it seems like they don't slow down at all um yeah and so this one is called grand casino and basically what it is it's our attempt at telling a con man story um nice uh with the backdrop of kind of uh 90s hollywood as being sort of this con man's palette um wow this sounds great and i um well it's it was a long security security securities nailed it yeah you got it we'll just keep doing it nailed it yeah yeah um root to me being the um uh playing playing the con man pat's the star

yeah i play the con man um and i think those that will listen will really hear my range as an actor yeah yeah nice play it's like pat today and pat trying to be 30 years older. Yeah. I basically do three different types of voices. And so this is one of my... Not in this show, but in life in general? Yeah. Give us the three. I think that's pretty much my range. I feel like I've done this already on your show.

What, your range? Yeah, I've showed my range before, but whatever. Well, can you tell us about how you're stretching in the morning have you done that yet um no my range is pretty much it's like serious serious adult kind of uh you know kind of a bit of a bureaucrat kind of a businessman yeah and then you can you can dial up that that voice in a few different directions but it's it's typically that oh police officer well yeah kind of someone who's a little bit serious on the serious side of things then there's raspy voice guy who kirk todd in this

sounds serious kind of drifts in there wouldn't you say dave yeah it's kind of just see you kind of just do one of those a little bit and you just kind of season one you were the cult leader with that rasp it up so that's that's the second character and then the third here it comes it's just canadian all right yeah so it's just kind of how's it going guy you know yeah one of them real hoser yeah and that's about the range that's all you need yeah any anybody with three you know three different characters they can do jack nicholson he could only do one and he's uh been around forever yeah and you know adam sandler does two yeah and uh what's adam sandler's other one he does how about that he does that he does how about that data and then he does have a tattoo and then he does like serious yeah exactly he does serious yeah how about tattoo yeah exactly can you can you do that

a little bit longer dave but do the the uh diamond guy the one that is yeah the uncut gems uncut gems oh i haven't seen it it's very stressful stressful. Too long. Be like a New York jewelry dealer. Okay. As Adam Sandler. And let's see if it's close, Graham. Yeah, here we go. Here we go. You owe me money.

Yeah. How about the dude? That's pretty good. For somebody who didn't see the movie, that is pretty close dude that's pretty good for somebody who didn't see the movie that is pretty close that's pretty good yeah um yeah maybe that should be your next uh first thing in the morning movie it'll really it'll really get you going it's electrified it might be not in your time frame though yeah is it two is over two hours because i like i don't want to i don't know when i'll be able to finish the movie yeah that's right i've been really enjoying watching one hour things

uh in the evening now because i have that amount of time so 60 minutes 60 minutes i watch an episode of 60 minutes every day on demand you can watch every episode dating back to the 60s so i've been just going back and watching old 60 Minutes. Nice. The introduction of a new seatbelt. Yeah. The first seatbelt. They don't have a replacement for Andy Rooney, right?

That whole segment was just cut out of the show after he passed away? They got Adam Carolla. He was the next Adam in the queue or he was just the next yeah yeah yeah uh well he's a cranky and he's got uh you know uh out of date opinions andy rooney's was like this would be a good thing for this on Serious Dave at some point is to do an Andy Rooney type thing. But he was like the guy who was like, now call me old fashioned, but in my day there used to be chips, you'd open them from both ends. And now you go to the grocery store and you can only open them from one top. They give you crackers with your soup, but they come in such a hard-to-open container.

Could you imagine during this news cycle slash political climate what he would even begin to pick his subject on on a Monday? He would do something that was not close to what anybody else was thinking. So it would be like everybody's talking about the pandemic and he would still be talking about raw oysters and why you know yeah or he would like zone in on like the elastic bands on masks now i'm all for wearing the masks but behind the ear is something that you got to pretend to know and did you see uh because adam carolla was people were mad about him yesterday because he said some dumb stuff about the pandemic but then

people went back like five tweets earlier he had said like more american men there are now more american men that wear bracelets than eat stew that's a stat that's a stat he's got the numbers to back that up and uh you know it was a dinty more or whoever did the uh survey just like the those are those are just markers for manliness yeah gotcha um would you guys would you guys slash have you guys ever worn a bracelet i'm wearing one right now in protest there nice a little child's bracelet but dave when was the last time you ate stew i'll have i'll make a couple stews every winter nice okay so you do both yeah yeah yeah nice around the time i around the time that i first watched kids in the hall um so whatever that era was i there was this kid in my class who was kind of a bit of a

cool magnet to everybody and he wore a bracelet and so i thought i thought one day i would like try to wear a bracelet yeah and when you're that age you mean the only place you're gonna get a bracelet is to go to where your mother has bracelets I grabbed a I grabbed a really like delicate ladies bracelet and like sheepishly put it on my like you know I think there was something about it had to be on their left arm too or something and oh yeah yeah so but like a nice gold yeah it's a very delicate like mom's going out for dinner and a boston pizza kind of bracelet and uh yeah i was very self-conscious about it all day but it was you know i didn't want to take

it off because you have to commit and then i never wore one ever again i don't think i yeah i think i wore like other than a watch and a uh wedding ring i've had like you know i've tried to wear i don't think i've tried to wear a bracelet for real i don't even slap bracelet uh slap bracelet oh and you know what friendship bracelets yeah this is oh yeah those ones yeah yeah maybe those um yeah how about a necklace oh boy graham uh i feel like you've owned a chain yeah i had a chain i got a chain uh for confirmation at church i got a chain wore it for many many years and then uh then i don't know i think it just fell off did it have a cross on it no it was just a chain it was like here's your prize for going to church until you were a pre-ten yeah now graham normally when we have calgary guests we won't do it today because we know where Pat went to high school

Western? Yes Normally we ask our Calgary guests where they went to high school You should start asking them where they went to church Yeah, what church did you go to? I went to Scarborough United Church Scarborough, nice What church did you get confirmed at?

I got confirmed actually in toronto so i didn't get confirmed in calgary oh okay were you not united church uh no we were moravian what the hell is that uh i don't know is this quite honestly the first time you've ever heard of this dave yeah i think i've like is this a dracula thing yeah it's a dracula i should have been clear that it's a dracula thing that's why i got a necklace to fend off the cross no it didn't have a yeah it didn't have a cross on it of course not well i had a pendant a little vial of blood you kind of threw me for i knew you weren't one of mine when you said the chain because i was like that didn't happen and i actually have the my confirmation bible where it's like made out to me and says

on this date at this church you are now confirmed i don't need a bible i've moved i'm a grown adult this was a long time ago it's all on the But you cannot, I can't get rid of it. I'm like, you can't, what am I going to do? Throw a thing that's made out to me away?

Yeah, leave it in a hotel side table. But it's got my name in it. It's got like everything. It just feels like someone like fully, you know, went to the trouble

of personalizing this thing for me did you get a bible at confirmation or just a chain remember i remember i had a bible but i got a chain i got a chain i i remember we had four to choose from four bibles to choose from uh and i i was the only edition i was the only one who chose this one that had like pictures in it and my mom was embarrassed and i did i was like i'm not i'm not reading any of them well our bible's like my bible's like displayed in our house too and because and my wife is like why why is this like why and i'm like well it's a bookshelf it's where but i feel like that's where the bible i feel like

i just i i have this thing i'm completely not religious at all but i have this thing that i just cannot like disrespect this like thing that they gave me no if you throw it out you're in big trouble yeah that's when the curse starts and uh you'll never break it but even like putting it in a box in a closet i'm like no no it belongs on a bookshelf it's a bible uh we had this thing when margo was born it was one of abby's aunts gave us this um thing that we had displayed for a little while when we moved we we didn't we have stopped displaying it but it was like this little sort of like

glass case with stuff in it and one of the things in it was this like headband for a baby like lacy thing that you put around the baby's head oh like a garter for a baby's head

but it's it's like it's supposed to be go on the baby's head when they're a child like literally for baptism and then they wear it as a garter on their wedding day maybe that's insane oh wow here's your head garter you'll still give the speech about how you got up early and and watch the movie right before the but the any idea anything that like connects uh but your your baby the baby part of your life with the like thing that has to be removed by your husband. Well, what if you're a raver and you use your soother from when you're a kid and you have a rave wedding? Then your father removes it from your mouth.

Wait, the father doesn't remove it. I'm getting all screwed up here. Does the father remove the garter? No. No, the husband does but the husband also yeah you you wear the uh you you have the pacifier in your mouth yeah and then when he says you may kiss the bride you take it out yeah uh because you're rolling on ecstasy yeah you're rolling that's right uh uh dave what's going on with you man oh man oh uh nothing as exciting as you know um describing my mornings uh but speaking of things that came up in our algorithms i uh so a little

while ago this these ads for wine were coming up in my algorithms and it was like a bag of sangria that you could order okay uh and i was and it looked pretty fun uh but it was from a place in ontario and shipping was crazy okay and and so i was like i'm not gonna do that but then wait a second the bag is not hemmed in by a box or anything? It's just a loose bag of juice? No, it's a bag. It looked like a Capri Sun, a big Capri Sun. Oh, okay. Sangria.

Fun. And that was enough to make you to go, this is fun. Yeah, I thought that's fun. I clicked on it enough to get to the ordering page. Top level. And then I got to the shipping and it was like well shipping costs more than the product itself um and then a few weeks later i saw an ad in my instagram feed for this uh nitro cold brew coffee yes and i was like oh well that looks good and it's canadian i'll click on that and see if I can order some of that.

And it was in Ontario. And I clicked on it. And it was like a five pack for $20 and a couple other things. And shipping was free. Nice. So I clicked on it. I ordered it. I ordered a five pack.

I clicked on it. I ordered it. I ordered a five pack. And, uh, how would you ship like nitrogen cold brew in cans with a dry ice in a box, dry ice in a box is how I would do it. I like,

I don't know if it needs to stay cold. Are you, are you testing us? So, cause you got it and you know, well, I'm what I got was bizarre so here's what i thought you were going to say you did was that you called them and said can somebody in your warehouse please just open these cans dump out all the coffee then go to the sangria people

and put the sangria in the cans and then ship this stuff to me for free but that's not what you did that would not be a bad idea um but i was like okay well it's free shipping of this you know a heavy it's it's liquid liquid is heavy across the country uh and then i you know i clicked they gave me a tracking number i tracked it uh it was supposed to arrive in 10 days so i was like okay well they're not refrigerating it uh but that's fine i guess you don't need to and it arrived 10 days later in a box a very large insulated box considering there were five cans inside and a lot of uh just like completely melted bags of ice or bags of whatever that like it's like jelly ice that's like it's frozen longer uh that probably had been melted

for the last seven days yeah what was it shipped by a uh by a dad going on vacation like a station wagon across the country so i got it and i was like, okay, well, I guess I'll just chill it and dump out these. Whatever they wasted on shipping, they could have just put it in a much smaller box. Why was it necessary that it's cold? I don't know how... Nitrogen coffee has to be cold? I don't know if it has to stay cold, but apparently it does because every one of them I opened was completely flat.

So you just wasted everything. Well, I did get a free beer koozie. Nice. You got it? Can you show us? Well, I don't have it on me. Graham, have you been seduced at all by Instagram ads of any kind during this time

yeah i bought a hat that uh on facebook they targeted me on facebook and they they hit me in the exact sweet uh sweet spot it was a black hat that had a banana on the front and on the side it said banana and so i bought that and now it's all minions, uh, ads from then on. And did it come as ordered? You were no surprises. You, you weren't like,

this is paper and it doesn't fit. And my favorite thing about it was there was a plastic insert that was shaped like a head. So the, the, there was no indents or anything. They sent it as if it was wearing, it was ready to put on your head there was no like it's not you didn't have to open it you didn't have to measure it you just

put it on your head out the door how about you pat um i did not get seduced by anything i don't think well no i got very close on a couple of things yeah yeah oh tell me well this is this is this is not going to be a very exciting story about something i didn't do but i had i had an earache for a while during during this pandemic i have I had a real ear wax, ear ache kind of thing, and I couldn't get this wax out. Somehow, this little screw thing, did you see this ad? Yeah, rubber screw thing.

A little rubber screw thing, and I was like, this is what I need to get. If I start talking about having an ear ache, am I going to be advertised this thing as well? I think so. My ear is aching. I have an ear ache, i gonna be advertised this thing as well i think my ear is aching i have an earache and it's the wax yeah yeah you just set yourself up it was it was pretty uh weird that that came that that quickly but yeah i didn't i went all the way through to the

pay pay thing and then i was like no forget for me it's the uh like the i feel like before the pandemic it was very rare for canadian companies to ship things and now like if we can get it if i if it doesn't have to cross a border i'll buy it right yeah um but the the whole the moral of the story is nitro needs to be refrigerated at all times yeah i guess i guess the free shipping was uh like i think i assume the company like i i don't want to ask for a refund or anything because i assume the company lost money on it as well and i i'm sure they've since rethought their free shipping policy but also what was the like so it's cold brewed coffee that has to be kept cold by a refrigerator.

What does the nitro add to anything? Isn't that what's keeping it cold? It's fizzy. It makes it all fizzy. And have you ever had it? No. Do you have a, what do you call it? Soda stream?

No. Oh. Because what I would say is that you could just take some old coffee and run it through the soda stream and see if that gives you the same feeling. Yeah, it's not a bad idea. Yeah, it's not a bad idea. I don't go in for this cold brew coffee. I'm a hot brew. Hot brew all the way.

I'm with you, Graham. Are you drinking a hot brew right now? No, that's just water. I'm doing like a late night talk show. Yeah, a mug. Yeah, so that's me i uh ordered some coffee it didn't it didn't go great um well myself um i you you were talking about getting up early in the morning watching a movie i got up early uh the other morning and i didn't have

this planned but it just turned out this way that as soon as i went on twitter there was all this hashtags about david blaine uh and so i was up early enough to watch the david blaine balloon stunt in real time that was an early morning thing for us yeah i absolutely love that you watched this gram because i want to know about it because i intentionally ignored it all yeah yeah which is the right instinct i think really yeah because uh i don't really know what david blaine is i know he's a magician but i know that all the things that he's famous for are not magic like he did they're like endurance tests he did but he was he started like with close-up magic that was like a thing but was this an illusion like was it no no he

did he did like a thing where he he tried to hold his breath really long once he was yeah he was in like an ice volcano didn't he stay in the square new time square like in it's inside the cube forever or something yeah he stayed in a cube he stayed under ice for some time um he should transport my cold brew maybe he can clean out my ears um so the whole thing is like it's like the movie up you know he's gonna he's gonna fly you know connected to a bunch of helium balloons um which i don't know i like i don't know why like i don't know if it was to protest covid or if it was you know protest covid like making a statement like wouldn't this be what we all want to do yeah yeah exactly when do we get the world beautiful yeah human spirit so he he like i guess he worked on this for years

to figure out all the you know things that would have to happen to make it go. So he needed to have an air tank, and he had to have a way to be connected to the thing. And then at the point where he was at the highest, then he was going to drop and use a parachute to land. So he was up there, and he was connected to mission control, and they were telling him what to do. And it looked really great for like a minute like it was like okay i saw it and it's fine but it's also terrifying and i'm gonna

watch this man die on youtube because he didn't seem to know what to do next it sounded like the people in mission control were like okay now do this now do that and uh you would have thought they would have run through it on the on the ground before he got in what kind of chair was he in was he in a chair wasn't in a chair no he was he was like harnessed so he's just okay harness the bizarreness so everything when he landed and it was like that's it the thing is when he was so he dropped uh from the balloons so he parachuted So he parachuted down? He parachuted down.

And the balloons just kept going to outer space? Yeah, they're probably still up there. Right. I was picturing him with a BB gun shooting them down. Oh, and then he would slowly come back down. No, he let go of the harness and then he parachuted down. But the thing was that they hadn't figured out was where he was going to land. So the whole time he was like, should I land by the road?

And they're like, no, there's power lines there. And he's like, can I land over here? And they're like, ah, that's like a rocky cliff. Where was he? He was over the Arizona desert. Oh. Yeah, like there was a lot of places to land, but they didn't seem to have like a consensus of

where is good hot yeah it is it was too hot it was too hot he was wearing an all-black outfit and uh he said he did this for his daughter i believe it i believe that you know that's something that a kid would be like yeah that's really cool yeah cool yeah check out this bracelet i found i kind of feel like they and i say they the team and him all the people involved in this wished it was a much bigger thing than it was maybe it's because we get stuff like this too much now it was kind of like yeah yeah cool you owned the internet for about 30 minutes bye yeah if that he is it like this is the kind of thing that red ball would blow a bunch of money on just to put their name on it yeah he doesn't get to sell a bunch of cans of blaine though after this no no

he's uh he just does it for the sheer thrill i don't know who paid for it It seems like a really expensive Ordeal maybe he's got magic money And he's gonna lean back On that but I bet you he does Yeah he probably does alright He probably plays Vegas Or you could just make your own

You're a magician I remember he used to date Josie Moran. Who's Josie Moran? Josie Moran was a beautiful model. Probably still is a beautiful model. But she was in the Backstreet's Back video. She was the one that Howie was going to bite. Or AJ.

One of them was, Howie was going to bite Josie Moran. And she was so beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. David Blaine, he's like an upmarket Criss Angel. Right? Like if youaine he's like he's like an upmarket chris angel right like if you he's like a better he's like a chris angel who doesn't is not like a peacock right okay he uses the different uh tools from the game but chris angel is also a mind freak and i'd like to know what you think that the definition

of a mind freak is i don't know like marilyn manson i think is a mind freak yeah i don't know what do you guys think is a mind freak boy i mean for me it's just like when someone does a great uh card trick they are a mind freak yeah yeah that's true yeah I think I'm trying to access it right now but I could do

an impression of what I think a mind freak is okay here we go there's a musical is it one of your three voices this is my fourth it's like do I make you freaky like it's like do i make you freaky like it's like do i do i scare you with my freak welcome to the freak show i i'm unpredictable come to the mind show whoa this is good like this is good and you know like pain Cane? Like you have a cane atop that.

You're a bit steampunk, you know. Sure. You hang out where the derelicts and the freak shows. One of those. Yeah. Yeah, that's good. Can you do your impression of Adam Lambert for me? I am Adam Lambert.

Do I make you scared with my sexiness what do you want from me what do you want from me yeah that's it's one of those yeah adam lambert's kind of a mind freak actually maybe yeah yeah he's definitely in the mind freak family uh what do you want from me what do you want from me um and the other thing i did is uh why are you getting back to the uh the story at hand um uh in uh in vancouver during all this uh covid stuff a lot of uh streets have been blocked off to make outdoor plazas for people just hang out in during the day you don't have to buy anything to sit there and it's just like a really nice civilized thing that the city has taken on and they also have like entertainment in them certain days there's like a jazz trio or there's like a cover band and uh the other week i was there and there was a guy doing uh caricatures and uh so i

got i braved it and i got a caricature done and that's a scary thing as an adult because they're gonna draw the things that you hate about your face oh yeah and uh what do you hate about your face the shininess yeah the shininess uh that it's not uh it's not jared leto's um you know these are these are the things i worry about but you know like anything you're self-conscious about that's going to be the thing that this dude zeroes in on and makes your most prominent feature and um you know what i think the one he did looked exactly like the woman that was before me, except with a beard and wearing a hat.

So I think maybe he just doesn't. Do you have it? Can we see it? I don't have it on me. I have a photo of it. I'll send it to you. Uh, at the. Why don't you have it on you?

Oh, he. Is it at the framing store? Yeah, it's, um, no, he didn't because there's no uh contact so he didn't he just drew it and then i took a photo of it and then he said i'll i can email you a photo of it i was like no i got it got it on the phone uh because they didn't want to do any like no contact like you just i i'm not worried about luck uh uh is this guy i don't care if this guy's getting his droplets all over my picture. You bring a Ziploc bag

and carry it home. This sounds like a wonderful scam. Wait, did you not? I just came from playing a con man, Graham, so I'm still kind of in the character. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

So I think, but the, from playing a con man Graham so I'm still kind of in the character yeah yeah yeah the slums and the flams yeah so I think but the did you see this picture or did he just turn the thing around and that's what made you think it was the same person what if he's just got one thing on there and he's like

take a picture of it yeah and he's like you're also playing tennis everybody's playing tennis do you're also playing tennis uh everybody's playing tennis do you uh were you playing anything were you doing anything no uh he said what do you want and i said i want to be crawling out of a grave so he had a grave that was all dug up and i was coming out of it and a skeleton was scared and uh and i think there was a bat flying against the moon so he did a really good job he did a fun how long did it uh take was there a lineup uh i was the lineup there was a lady uh in front of me

and then i was the only other one in on it and uh it took i don't know five minutes okay yeah how long do you think a caricature should take five to ten right yeah i don't know um but also in that classic style like the the very familiar style that yes big head little body big head little body um and you know like if you're wearing a hat or sunglasses that that becomes the prominent feature so i was wearing a hat and sunglasses and so he really yeah i was wearing my banana hat exactly um and it uh but like when was the last time either of you had a caricature done zero times in your whole life yeah i asked once when we were on vacation and it was a hard no from my parents so so yeah and then i i just have never felt the i've been too impatient to do it i think in that plaza where they where he was doing it uh they normally will

get people like they'll get uh balloon animal people they'll get face painters but i guess those are all out right like the caricaturist is the only safe thing in this climate yeah it's the only safe carnival uh not apparatus but has there been any pull to do stand-up at one of these plazas i've done stand-up outside and it does not work if in the middle of the day I think at night if everybody is on board with the show then it's fine but during the day you're competing with seagulls

you're competing with cars driving by and people just in and out of the show it's terrible it's probably the worst thing you can do yeah I had a bout with an outdoor improv daylight how did that go horrific yeah yeah this was a long time ago but it was terrible where was it was it on a patio somewhere or was it

just like a street corner you know street corner really like it was it was in marginally just busking like it was busking you were improv busking i don't think i've ever heard of that pretty much pretty much it was it was very hard yeah that's new territory you're breaking new ground congratulations um so yeah dave did you ever get a caricature done i think when i was a kid maybe okay um but it it was like i was a handsome kid yeah that's true really had nothing to go on um maybe i was had a soccer ball i don't know but it was like i don't know how do we make this kid handsomer uh it was tough yeah but they didn't try to take you down a peg by... No, no, there was a nice caricature. I also don't remember really, like,

I might be thinking of someone else's. Yeah. If I did, maybe I had more freckles in the caricature than I do in real life. Yeah, yeah. They were handsome freckles. Graham, you were saying that you were nervous about the um you know the vanity of it all where did anything come through in this picture that you were like oh he did it he showed my glare uh beauty mark no because he like i say

it did look exactly like the woman ahead of me but instead of tennis it was me getting out of grave so i didn't he didn't focus anything on right what i actually looked like you know what i mean it was just a guy yeah it could have been a girl and so he's got one move and it's a hell of a move you know he only needs one um also uh on the last episode dave was talking about the, a movie that he watched on shutter. Ah, and, uh, I got a free subscription for five days or whatever to shutter to watch this

movie. It was so good. It was so scary. It was the perfect, it was like, um, over a zoom call. It was a haunted.

It's called host. Have you heard of this Pat? No, it's great. Is it like, it's less than an hour in great ways in great ways yeah it's very well it's scary it's scary it's scary and it's well done is it the new um blair witch kind of um that they just threw this together conceptually and did it rogue and it's super scary yeah yeah and uh it's fun it is fun and it's well done and uh so all the whole week i've just been watching horror movies just to get the as much

juice out of this free subscription as i possibly can and uh i watched the horror movie there was a character in it for like two seconds that i was like oh where do i know that guy from it bothered me the whole movie and then i looked it up on imdb and it was gene simmons son ah from gene simmons family in the host in this host movie no in the in another spooky movie but he was it bothered me the whole time i was watching the movie i was like trying to picture him in a sitcom or in a band and uh yeah it was gene simmons son which was a great reveal it was a well done horror nick simmons nick simmons and then his daughter so tall he's very tall sophie yeah his daughter and him don't they do like a jazz duo oh yeah they were yeah nick and soph, yeah, yeah. I feel like they turned on him, too, their dad.

I feel like they said, like, when they got old enough, they were like, they told him to stop. Yeah. Dad, just stop. Stop. Just stop. Gene Simmons is a guy who has to be told, because he'll just keep going forever.

He's quarantining in Whistler. Oh, yeah, he's in Whistler. That's right. Because he's been showing up and like jamming with a band at uh like some cafe getting his character done that would be a fun one oh the stuff you would do with the makeup and the tongue and everything yeah what's so weird what's like your most prominent feature, Mr. Simmons? I don't know. Money? Not your enormous tongue and ugly face?

If coming from such a handsome kid like me, that's not fair. Yeah, it's rude. Should we move on to some overheards? Sure. That's rude. Should we move on to some overheards? Sure. I'm Riley Smurl.

I'm Sydney McElroy. And I'm Taylor Smurl. And together, we host a podcast called Still Buffering, where we answer questions like, Why should I not fall asleep first at a slumber party? How do I be fleek? Is it okay to break up with someone using emojis? And sometimes we talk about butts. No, we don't.

Nope. Find out the answers to these important questions and many more on Still Buffering, a sister's guide to teens through the ages. I am a teenager. And I was two. Butts, butts, butts, butts, butts. No. But you change your mind for too many times over and over again.

Over and over again. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where if you're one of the lucky ones out there to hear something great don't hog it share it here on the podcast and we always like to start with our guest pat kelly would you please proceed um do i just i just get one yeah so i gotta pick two you can do whatever you want yeah um okay well this one and i wrote this one down a long time

ago so i don't fully remember the context of it all i know is that there was sort of like a maybe a 15 year old um daughter getting in what appeared to be one of those um like a Yukon or a Suburban or an Escalade, like a very big SUV. Yeah. And I was walking by and door was open and the daughter like was getting in and she just like looked at her mom in the driver's seat in total disgust and said, Oh, why does it smell like the Bishop in here?

That's the bishop. Yeah. The bishop. The bishop. So I assume that I wrote this when I was in visiting my wife's family in Salt Lake City, Mormons. Yes. And this was a Utah overheard.

The bishop being, of course,on like minister of each church so right the implication was that the wife was stepping out riding stepping out with the bishop and yeah this has happened before and the daughter knew that sounds like a british series on pbs stepping out with the bishop it's just yeah like hey daughter why do you know why the bishop smells like what the bishop smells like maybe we need to uh investigate that yeah yeah yeah why does it smell like the bishop in here oh pat do you want to do another one or should we do ours and then come back to you another disgruntled teen one this one was really quick the the um a parent was like really mad with their teenage boy and the uh the parent was like i honestly i'm speechless right now beat beat beat the boy went no you're not you just said

you're speechless oh man that kid that kid knows how to work a room, right? Yeah. Wow. Oh, wow. This kid isn't afraid of anything. No. He's the Adam Carolla of kids. Yeah. That kid rules.

We can all agree that kid's awesome. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, boy. Scorch. Dave, do you have one? Yeah, barely. This is like the bottom of the barrel as far as over.

It's an overseen. Yeah. And it's more just of a question. I took the girls for a picnic in a park. Nice. And it was at a park that a picnic in a park. Nice. And it was at a park that's attached to a school. And we finished and cleaned up our meal. And on our way out, I just saw a sign that said the school grounds is closed from 10 p.m. to 6 a.m.

And this site may have an anti-loitering device in place and i was like what is an anti-loitering device uh and do you know someone in our audience someone in our audience knows do you know i i'm pretty sure i know it's this uh this thing that just plays like a super high pitched sound that's's not, Oh, it's for young people. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. The old people can't hear. Yeah.

So old people are allowed to loiter till their heart's content, but this high pitched sound, that's like an anti loitering. Is this a real thing? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They play this sound.

Like give me an age. Like teenagers. Yeah. And kids. You lose your ability to hear the high frequencies as you get older because of the wax which is why you got one of those screwy things yeah um i was picturing some kind of like like motion sensor sprinklers like they have for deer or some sort of drone that just kind of drops bombs on you just why is it telling me what is it

what do you want me to do just keep saying Zorp the anti-loitering clacks on Zorp on i would like to talk to a young person though who's experienced this sound and be like oh it's the worst it's like the bishop being in your mom's car it's like the audio equivalent of smelling the bishop oh boy my overheard is courtesy of a man with a white man with dreadlocks

walking with his friends and I just heard this little slice of conversation he said I have a great name for my buddy who is a hip hop artist it's agent provocateur oh you know I assume his I have a great name for my buddy who is a hip hop artist. It's agent provocateur. Oh,

uh, you know, I assume his buddy is a hip hop artist. Also a white guy. That's my guess. Uh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And a bit more on the conscious hip hop side of things. I think. Yeah. Right. Yeah. Agent provocateur. Agent provocateurs are like people who are uh in the current climate people who are participating in protests uh you know uh from the other side like pretending they're part of the protest and

they're like looting breaking windows and stuff when everyone else is being yeah yeah like they're like hey let hey everybody let's loot and then people are like hey this guy's got it yeah this guy provoked me in a very agenty way it's also a uh very uh it's like a sexy lingerie company that's why i was moving like this i don't know if you guys oh i was wondering i was gonna get those two words make me do this i remember once uh i guess this might have been when Abby was working at a talent agency. Maybe they wanted to invite actors and actresses

to come to this party when Agent Provocateur, the store, opened in Vancouver. And there was this party at a club and it just had four women in lingerie who were just like in it was sort of

like they were in you know terrariums kind of in like dioramas of just like there's one sexy lady over there she just has to stand there and be like on display for a while. And there's another one over here and a terrain what they're, they're wearing $600 worth of underwear. Um, is it still, it's still a brand. Oh, it's still a brand.

I don't know if the store is still there. No, there's no way to know. Um, it's on, uh, it's in, it's in that very expensive row of shops with...

Oh, Chanel and... Yeah, and whatever. Tiffany and Hermes. Von Dutch. Von Dutch is down there. And of course, Cafe Crepe. Now, we also have overheard sent in by listeners... You can stop the sexy dancing now no no this is

not a video cast no one's gonna see it we get to see it which is very nice i mean i guess just picture uh boy a slithering pat kelly yeah picture like what a woman in a terrarium would look like yeah or just picture you know what it's a little bit it's not far from your mind freak yeah do i make you feel something um so you only do the three voices but when a different one comes out it's really a lot of fun yeah cool yeah you did uh you expanded your range right here on the podcast we got four baby yeah that guy wears bracelets oh yeah absolutely yeah. Absolutely. Multiple rings. You got it.

Twirls a cane. Now, we also have overheards sent in to us by listeners all over the world. If you want to send one in to us, it's sbyatmaximumfun.org. And this first one comes from Emily in Akron, Ohio. This first one comes from Emily in Akron, Ohio. This is a guy at a JCPenney's was talking to another guy about starting a band and looking for a drummer. The first guy told the other guy to check out the Mighty Mighty Boss Tones and describe them as kind of a European band. Yeah, they're kind of kraut rock. Yeah.

yeah they're kind of kraut rock yeah um have you uh ever knocked on wood because i know someone who has yeah are they're in clueless right they're the band in clueless at the high school dance yeah

i think you're right and that's going to immortalize them just being in that movie because clueless is here to stay you know yeah but uh are they still boss toning i know one of them was for a while anyway the lead singer was the like announcer on jimmy kimmel live oh really wow yeah good gig um you know home by whatever time they've done that show, 7 p.m., I guess. I could see if it wasn't pandemic times. They probably got to play a lot of fairs, county fairs. Yeah.

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah. And they have a guy, they employ a guy that just dances. He dances and he's their dancer is it weird that he is the announcer on the show right next to a band and he's like i i'm so tempting i want to sing with this band i want to sing with clito and the clitones um this next one comes from orion uh in new ze. I was helping to supervise a first year university field trip. Lots of young minds were milling around, waiting for things to start. I overheard one male student awkwardly trying to flirt with a female student.

He got out the big guns and said to her, my problem is I'm so tall that it makes it hard to see out of the windscreen of the Lamborghini. So, yeah, Well done, kid. The one thing women care about, Lamborghinis. Yeah. And knowing that there's a windscreen. Yes. On Lamborghinis.

Was this person British? Is windscreen a British term for windshield? This is a New Zealander. Oh, a New Zealander. Oh, I see zealander oh i see so he would that was the windshield i was thinking it was the that he was referring that there's even a thing above to catch bugs and whatnot maybe there is i don't know the uh uh did either you guys have a poster of a lamborghini on your wall or knew anybody who did when you were a youth lamborghini

coontosh i did yeah that's the one that was the coontosh that's the one because wasn't the coontosh it had like five doors or something and it was like i can see it like it was parked kind of on a like maybe overlooking la yeah yeah parking garage or something and it had yeah doors open didn't it yeah it had gull wings yeah or no side choppers yeah and uh yeah it was every kid talked about the guintosh and you know what it's the only lamborghini i know yeah yeah i mean i know whatever the what was the modern one the gallardo aventure i know a few lamborghini provocateur yeah it's a lamborghini provocateur yeah um but the uh yeah from that era i it was the lamborghini countach and the ferrari testarossa testarossa yes we uh classic car my wife and i

performed at a wedding for a, uh, a talent show at a wedding. And I believe that was our, I was a magician who was the great Lamborghini with my assistant. Yeah. That's very good. Worth the price of admission.

Yes. Exactly. Yeah. They are the scissor up doors or whatever you call those. And it's got a trunk in the front yes and there's a trunk open in that picture uh and this one yeah yeah white coontosh the poster yeah white yeah white yes yes gold rims not the not this picture oh no um that those came later. Rims were. Oh, wow. There are like, I'm just going to hold up this,

like, look at all the like scissory things. Yeah. Yeah. That was so many things that open on this thing. So many things. Nice. I'm not sure that that's why anybody buys a Kuntosh though.

They're like, how many things open on this? Yeah. I buy it for storage um this last one comes from katherine e in saint george utah i went to a local production the bishop is in her the bishop yeah she knows the bishop but she knows it also has the i feel like this is a very 80s thing with cars that they don't do anymore but like the headlights that that open up yeah absolutely why don't they do that anymore it probably caused batteries to run they probably stop working four thousand percent unnecessary

so maybe one opens and the other one doesn't and then your car's screwed it's winking sorry graham yeah no no no uh i went to a local production of joseph and the amazing technicolor dreamcoat there was a moment right after joseph is thrown in jail when joseph was bent over in child pose and a puff of smoke from the smoke machine came up behind him everything was quiet and a toddler sitting in the row in front of me shouted in distress he poop I mean don't bring your toddler but yeah that rules like

the fact that a toddler has to figure out what this is about that's what it's going to come down to he poop I get it go go go, Joseph. The toddler could have also said, ooh, it smells like the bishop in here. What, I don't know, Joseph. Is he like a Christ-like character?

In the show? Yeah. Is it a Jesus parable? I have no idea. It's a Jesus-y show. It's like, it's based on, I thought it was joe like isn't it jesus's dad or something anyways i don't know it's the what's the song from that one i know there's go go go joseph and there's like is it a one about a dream any dream will do is that that i think that maybe is it yeah and then there's god spell

and then there's jesus christ superstars yeah there's a lot of Christ going on in these. Look, we didn't learn any of this in the United Church of Canada. No. Smells like the bishop in here. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone... Ah! Oh my God, did you hear that?

Yeah, what the hell was that? What was that it's my uh oh my gosh this thing dying is that a bad thing to hear just let me just try it one more time we totally overheard that is this some kind of loitering mechanism i gotta i think this uh mechanism is dying what about here okay that'll work there we go in addition to overheards that are written and we we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh.

Zorp. Zorp. SpyPod Zorp. Like these people have. Hi, Dave and Graham and guests. This is Greg from Ohio calling in with an overheard. I was walking into a store to buy some wine, and I passed by two employees that were smoking outside.

All I caught was, well, of course no one likes you. You're a terrible person. You're just telling me this now? I'm having to learn about this now? You didn't expect people to like you did you yeah you can't please everybody that's the thing that's what i've learned about life you can't please everybody so you might as well pleasure yourself uh here's your next phone call hi dave and graham and guest this is mike calling from

sydney forks, Nova Scotia. We decided this year to... Oh, I'm calling in with an overheard, by the way. We decided this year to get some backyard chickens for our house, and today was the day they were meant to arrive, so I went down to the spot to get them. Turns out they were late arriving, and a lot of people were upset about that. As I walked back to my car, a guy was walking back to his car with what looked like his two sons, ages around six to eight.

And he was kind of cursing as he walked. And the last thing I heard him say before he got back in his car was, Fuck this, next time I'm getting pigs. You talked me down from them them I wanted to get pigs you managed to get me to chickens but what I wanted was pigs I wanted chickens but the guy who was delivering the chickens was late so now I hate chickens

yeah the pig guy is never late what I don't know how that works where it's like okay everyone the chickens will be arriving in the drop zone you've never you've never met a chicken dealer i've never met like a when where you go to like the home depot parking lot what do you mean you never bought chickens even in high school no our uh Our past guest, Peter Oldring, has chickens in his backyard. That's right.

True. And when we stayed with him, you get fresh eggs every morning. Pigs don't give you fresh eggs. No, but they give you amazing lamb chops. No, wait. Bacon. They can do that and the pig still lives, right? Yeah.

They actually, yeah yeah a bit of bacon Comes out of their butt everyday He poop That guy did kind of one of your Canadian accents Yeah He had a little bit of that Kind of East coast care

Yeah His oots and a boots were good Oh they were oats and a boats, I think, more than anything. Not to be Mr. Accent Critiquer. Here's your final phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guest. This is Carrie from Brooklyn, New York. I live on the first floor and can hear kids playing outside my window sometimes

and I just heard one who sounded like they were probably around 10 say to another you're not matching my energy. To which the other kid responded monkey power. Thanks.

Yeah, I'm up here get to where i am it's a monkey power fine monkey power okay okay can we move on from this yeah yeah um does anybody know what monkey power is no i think that's it's more about like you know empowering monkeys sure i do like that the isn't that a very adult term though to say like match my energy yeah so they're getting or is that a parenting thing dave it's not in my household i feel like it's a theater thing oh right yeah i'm up here you should match my energy yeah or maybe a like a couple's therapy thing but i so are you but do you think that that one child was upset that they weren't more energy or was monkey energy lower energy monkey power is monkey power i mean monkey power is high energy but this kid's giving you nothing like he's giving you lizard power yeah like that right sloth sloth power yeah power yeah right i see um now that brings us to

the end of this here episode uh pat you and your wonderful podcast uh season three of this sounds serious grand casino is out as we speak it is i don't this when is this out this will be out monday so season episode two will be out uh tomorrow tomorrow yeah nice and if you haven't heard the previous seasons uh do yourself a favor and treat yourself to those brings you right up to the one that's coming out now and uh you can have that's a that's probably a good week and a half of solid hilarity yeah it's uh it's it's this year pat is the bad guy is the subject of the crime uh and uh yeah it's uh i i've i've been the one of the writers every year as has pat uh and we we had to use his voice this year nice and there's also this weird thing i'm not going to try to get into explaining it but if you do

like it you can there's this little thing that you can get the whole thing at once yeah you can binge the whole season for five and binge the whole thing for five bucks oh okay so if you're hooked and you want to go on a road trip or you have a lot of listening to do you can buy it all at once nice otherwise you just gotta wait like every Christmas morning yeah exactly weekly Christmas

you take in the day first in your room yes take in the room I forgot that happened that was part of this yeah that was part of this? Yeah that was part of this episode Well thank you so much for being our guest Pat

Well thank you for having me And always a pleasure And it was wonderful seeing your faces Virtually Back at ya Dave anything else to plug besides this sound serious? No do it This sound serious

It's got Pat Kelly in it It's got Carly Pope It's got Paul F. Tom sounds serious it's got pat kelly in it it's got harley pope it's got paul f tompkins it's got amy good murphy it's got uh you know who else is the people know from this graham do you make an appearance in this one or we would just kind of said no graham hasn't been on since season one season one yeah well we gotta change that yeah my uh my agent uh is bad Your agent is a provocateur. Yeah, that's right. Well, thank you, everybody out there for listening. Stay safe, be kind, and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org

Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.