Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 652 - Alicia Tobin

Episode Date: September 15, 2020

Comedian and writer Alicia Tobin returns to talk boxes of chocolates, fall Blizzards, and moths.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 652 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, boy oh boy, it's only a couple of weeks then he'll get to wear his fall outfits and that's my favorite version of him is Mr. Dave Shumka. You won't see him. You wish you could see him though. I get the Dave catalog that you send out. I'm going to be, you know, you never see me from the waist down on these things though that's true and you'll be like you'll either

mind your your mind will be racing as to what kind of corduroy will be covering these haunches our guest today uh a favorite of the podcast uh a famous podcaster yeah a famous podcaster uh it's a comedian and all-around darling alicia tobin hi friends hello how's it going great it's true that dave has beautiful fall outfits and winter outfits yeah yeah he's an autumn baby i mean i do think i'm like coming into my summer self um some seersucker yeah yeah my seersucker you're coming into yourself go on tell me more about this two days scenario unzip well it involves some some looping around and Tell me more about this two-day scenario. Unzip. Well, it involves some looping around. Some de-ribbing.

Some de-ribbing, some re-ribbing. A McRib Witch. I'm de-ribbed for my pleasure. Should we get to know us? Yes, of course. Yeah. uh should we get to know us yes yeah alicia how's it been how's it been going you know um lots to complain about but little i'd like to say out loud just happy to be here um you know it i see you guys fairly regularly um things have just been you know it's it's cool to watch your creative career grind to a complete if not just stuttering halt yeah um

but otherwise in good spirits um the other with two percent of the time and you know doing okay like i got a great dog i've got great friends there's an ice cream place down the street now this dog of yours is he a good boy he is the best of the worst dogs tell me more tell me more about this classification uh so he is the best dog of course all dogs are the best dog his name name, remind me, his name's Rick? His name is... Josh. His name is Butter Egg. His name's Hank, and he is a good dog, but he doesn't have a lot of rules.

And I was thinking the other day, like, people say, like, animals don't have, like, self-direction or will. And I was like, well, get a poodle, and you'll see. Yeah. He's got a big big personality he's so sweet though he is he's a he's a real um who says animals don't have rules or what do people say like free will and dogs all animals have free will yeah do we do humans i don't know i think that like i guess what i wanted to say is that he has a plan and he's sticking to it. Yeah.

Yeah. And I'm just there to kind of make sure he doesn't get hit by a car. What's his five dog year plan? His five dog year plan is master the more difficult puzzle, which he just really struggled with. He has a couple of puzzles that he has to do. He's a big fan of these puzzles. Yeah.

And I accidentally bought him like one that was really easy and i thought like before the podcast because the turnaround between getting home from work and walking him was a bit quick i would give him some treats and he gave up on the harder puzzle really quickly without encouragement and i felt like i understood that i really get where this dog's coming from these puzzles are things with treats inside them that he has to figure out with his brain? Yeah. Why don't humans have those?

Why do we just have cardboard pieces that go together? Yeah, or like the New York Times crossword. And then there's a Tootsie Roll underneath. That's a great idea for kids, maybe, to make puzzle toys that have treats on the inside that they have to use their brains yeah something you have to un puzzle yeah like a rubik's cube but in the inside there's a chamber with like a ferrero rocher or something which kids love that's kids number one snack i mean i think they do it's like basically nutella okay yeah they were ferrero rocher's rule uh no you don't have to be you don't have to be an old lady But they're on the expensive side

So you save them for holidays You don't just give a kid A pack of 30 Box of Ferreira Rocher Because well I guess now You can buy three packs of them But like yeah Back in the day it was all just like

You have to buy like a box of turtles yeah oh yeah are turtles are they uh seasonal or can we enjoy turtles all year round it would feel weird to have them like in the middle of the summer yeah bust out a box at a barbecue i think they're also available in like a two-pack or a three-pack yeah finer finer stores they are now indeed um i feel like um ferrero rocher has really come down in price over the years like i think it was special and that feels really you know i remember there was something i can't find them anywhere i don't know if they exist at all but they were called nachos okay tell me which the name suggests that they were like a nutty nacho but they weren't they were just i

like i can't even remember what was in them nuts but they were a chocolate oh in that in that vein they 100 existed okay well that wasn't disputed they i remember them now dave absolutely i don't think that they make them anymore they look very old they seem to be the branding looks really old the thing about these podcasts nowadays is everyone can just google the thing while we're talking that's true it's nice and easy did i break a rule because i thought that was okay no it's fine but then like while you're because you were doing true. It's nice and easy. Did I break a rule? Because I thought that was okay. No, it's fine. But then like while you're,

because you were doing that, I was like, well, I'm just going to move on and try to Google, try to remember what toffee fee was. That's still available. It's also kind of a Christmassy. Yeah, every, like, life is like a box of chocolates.

Yes. Go on. In that themas occurs in it toffee fee is uh is that the one that they have the ad where you help out your neighbors and you get a toffee fee or what what was that merci i think chocolate merci yes say with merci those are pretty good actually what are they curious they? In case you're ever curious. They're just like milk chocolate or dark chocolate. Sort of personal size chocolate bars.

Nice. Yeah. But like an assortment of them. I think you can get a mix pack. A mix pack of just like one bar of Kit Kat. Right. They're like the size of one Kit Kat. Yeah.

Segment, I think. And there's the other one that I haven't seen in years and years. I don't know if they make them anymore are After Eights. Oh, yeah. They still make those. And then there was After Eight Orange, right? There was one that was Spearmint and then one that was Orange. I think so.

They have, but Lint has really just taken over the Christmastime chocolate. That's true. Lindt's really taken over my belly button. Oh, honey. But I don't like Lindt. I mean, it's fine, but I want stuff with nuts in it. I just want nutty chunks. I want nachos.

Bring back nachos, whatever they were. Nutty chunks was my favorite vaudeville comedian. Welcome to the stage. Go ahead. What is your current, you're a snack-based person, as am I. What is your current go-to treat for treat for yourself what's it what's your go-to treat i uh so during covid uh it's really been haribo gummies okay my favorite assortment is the dinosaurs i've only ever seen them at shoppers drug mart but the flavors are outstanding um

but the flavors are outstanding. I have also really enjoyed, I really like, I try not to eat dairy because it makes me have a very sore throat and then eventually get a COVID test. Oh, yeah. I really like Coconut Bliss ice cream. Dave and I have discussed this before. It doesn't count as ice cream,

but they make a very delicious ice creamave won't discuss it ice cream ice cream sandwich that i love and it's vanilla ice cream and between two chocolate chip cookies oh yeah which reminds me a lot of my favorite childhood treat which was called a snack and a half which was a two oatmeal cookies with uh vanilla ice cream dipped in chocolate and it was like sold like whenever would get an ice cream sandwich or a Freezy or a Popsicle. You could get one of those. Shit, I'd get one of those every time. They're so fucking good, guys. When's the last time you had a Freezy?

Oh, well, like a Freezy brand Freezy? Yeah, like we're in the plastic tube thing, you know? I have Freezies in my freezer, but they're like organic fruit juice Freezies. Those don't count. And the grape is pretty okay that's just frozen juice anybody really wanted for a while or two things a peanut buster parfait but um too hard to get your hands on one and why a slush a slush puppy or a slurpee a slurpee these are not things that are hard to get your hands on

well I'd have to like walk or bike to main street and then I'd just be there by myself which is like not as much fun can I tell you

this was my get to know us but I'll tell you it anyway okay we can skip you and go right to me

perfect that's what I want to do. No, I have other get-to-know-uses. We'll come back to me. So, we've been, every few weeks, we'll buy the kids some books. Okay. And we try not to buy books from Amazon. And there's a great kids' bookstore in town called Kids Books.

Oh, that's what they sell there. It's all one word. So I thought it was like Kai's Boat. I can't make sense of it. So we ordered these books, but some of them hadn't come in yet. So I went and picked some up and then got an email that the rest were ready. But that was two weeks ago, and I kept meaning to go down there. And it's just down the street from a Dairy Queen.

And then I saw an ad that the Dairy Queen has their fall blizzard flavors ready for me. The back page of the jj bean catalog is it like turkey stuffing it's a gravy and skin i'll tell you what they are okay i'd love to know um they've got they really go hard at jerry queen it's i think i've mentioned this my favorite restaurant yes um so they have uh oreo mocha fudge okay like a coffee oreo blizzard i mean that's that's next uh fudge pecan with turtles okay oh yeah so turtles uh being upgraded from just a christmas time snack into a full-on fall. Yeah. Full on fall. Upgraded.

Graham, no one has made these distinctions. Mint Oreo. Brownie dough. I'll be getting that. I'm getting them all. Strawberry cheesecake. Ba ba boo boo.

Boo boo. Where's the one I got? Oh, maybe they didn't have it. Candy corn. The one I got oh well maybe they didn't have it the one I got today was pumpkin pie and I don't uh so I went there I got it it was a retail nightmare and

it was there was a lot of confusion people were dropping their cones on the ground and coming back to get free replacements. But I got this and it was great. It's not like a pumpkin spicy thing. It's like literally tastes like a pumpkin pie. Oh, nice.

That's good. It's got like the crust replacement, whatever they had for it is um just like a cookie thing and that doesn't work great right but the flavor is oh it's wonderful and then i so i ate that in my car forgot to pick up the kids book hey kids i'm home i got the i got that beverage i was excited i got that blizzard i wanted i didn't get you one um i have a quick question dave okay you go ahead okay so i feel like they snuck in the mint oreo and the strawberry cheesecake like those have been around a few those have been around the block a few times oh so i think the even the

pumpkin pie has they'll like bring them back from time to time i guess what i meant to say because i didn't make it clear to you because i want you to agree with me um is um those are not thanksgiving flavors those are not fall flavors but they are like i guess in the uh i think i'm thinking of like how starbucks does like a gingerbread a pumpkin spice and a mint so i think or like okay like a peppermint so i think i would count mint but the cheesecake you're right the strawberry cheesecake does not belong i wish that one sounds so good there's one uh christmas only that i've noticed uh treat is the there's like you can get these bags of chocolate bark that have like pretzels or nuts in them but only at christmas can you get the ones that have candy cane in them yeah and i mean i don't know if it's like it's already september so now i guess we have to wait out halloween and then we get into the christmas

flavors if we make it if we make it yeah and that's your favorite graham your favorite is that peppermint bark i love it i love it yeah it's like that as far as like a thing stuck in chocolate like oh we should all be so lucky but um as far as like one of the ingredients in a bark, it seems like it doesn't, it sticks around longer than the other stuff, like nuts and pretzels and things. You kind of just swallow them, but like you kind of suck on the candy cane a while.

Yeah, candy cane hangs out. Absolutely. It sticks to your dental work. Oh man. Do you remember when gum was advertised as not sticking to dental work oh man do you remember when gum was advertised as not sticking to dental work oh yeah like the dentures were so commonplace in the 1980s amongst smokers people quitting smoking uh lots of people with headgear weren't loud gum things like that well that was another thing in

advertising was like gum as like a replacement not not even nicotine gum but just like as a you know replacement for smoking yeah and i feel like no it's that hank here hank's up on the window up in the screen um yeah i think like what was the was juicy fruit kind of marketed as like this is a fun this is the fun gum oh maybe to taste this taste the taste is gonna move you it's going to move yeah it was sent yeah it's like your water skiing gum yes yes and then i felt like what would have been the adult gum when you were a kid that was kind of... The Big Red was the gum for kissing for a long time. Yes. Because if you wanted to, someone wanted to make out with you and your cinnamon tongue.

Yeah. Your hot cinnamon tongue. Because it's Valentine's Day, so that's what you get. That's your present. Cinnamon tongue. The grown-up gum. Any mint gum, really, is... My kids, when they see me chewing gum, they're like, is it minty gum? No, it's hubba bubba.

They don't even, like, I don't know if this was a thing when we were kids, but they don't even, like, they don't even have minty toothpaste. They won't accept it. They have, like, blueberry and strawberry your berries but does that i just can't imagine brushing my teeth with something that's blueberry flavored and then feeling like my teeth are clean yeah like mint is no cleaner but mentally it feels so fresh do you remember was there and not that this has to be a candy nostalgia show uh but but if it's gonna be why not yeah candy nostalgia was my favorite silent film star she was she was in pornos

what was the first porno is it a lady on a train coming at the screen c-u-m-m-y-n-d yeah so this um do you remember this i think it came in a toothpaste tube, but it was bubble gum? Yes. Yes, I love that stuff. And was it blue or was it pink? It was so gritty. Yeah, it was so gritty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Like it needed your chewing to morph into gum. It was gel until you chewed it and then somehow it became gum. I was going to bring up the make-out toothpaste, which was called Close-Up, that was also cinnamon flavored. Ugh. Close-Up? Yeah, it was like this red gel, and the ads were always playing during soap operas. Yeah. Yeah, I feel like...

It's weird. There was a time when mint wasn't the... There was flavor competition for your toothpaste. Yeah. Those are tough times in toothpaste sales. I remember that weird like French stuff that's like licorice flavored. I love that stuff. It's anise.

That's what, a toothpaste? It tastes like anise? Yeah. And they also have lemon toothpaste in france lemon toothpaste yeah it's nice put it on a pie crust yeah brush your teeth with a pie crust that's the way it's intended to be used yes it's lemon curd i remember having a toothpaste when i was a kid that the, the nozzle or whatever the toothpaste comes out of was shaped like a star. So the star shape that was, that was cool.

Was that an aqua fresh? I remember that I didn't aqua fresh have three chambers that like there was the white, the red and the green that all came out into like and combined into one thing yes why can't you get three colored toothpaste anymore that doesn't seem like i'm sure you can but you just buy the same stuff over and over the stuff i have now is gross i hate it what do you use? Sensodyne. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

But it's no fun. It doesn't froth up very much. It's kind of gritty. It's boring. It's the most boring toothpaste on the market. It doesn't froth up when I try to make a toothpaste latte. So, Alicia, what else is going on other than candy nostalgia uh yeah so like things are fine over here it's so nice to be on the podcast with you guys and uh i love candy so much but i like ice cream the most then cookies then candy in that order. And then where does chips fall in this whole hierarchy? What about cake and pie?

Oh, cake and pie. Like, cake before pie. Never die. Pie before cake. Only because cake is easier to come by, I think. Cake is so easy to come by. Yeah. Yeah.

See you. Pie is so... But pie is delicious. Yeah, I'm not as... Like, I like salty foods, salty foods but i can you know i can take them or leave them right uh you can't i can't take or leave anything that's you know made with sugar well like and you you can't eat the gluten so you know the whole world of gluten-free snacks. Yeah. And, like, who's the king of the ring? Who's the best? Nobody. It's all crap.

It's all losers. Yeah. Like, there's, like, these frozen donuts I've been really into. And, like, they're really good if you eat them when they're still frozen. Hmm. Like, they're kind of, like, cakey. But as soon as they reach, you know, the recommended room temperature, I'm like, oh, no. No, thank you. Back in the freezer with with you guys can you refreeze a snack i don't think you're supposed to i don't think it's food safe i don't think i do anything that's food safe i think i'll

yeah my i think someone told me once that it's not it's it's literally not the freezing that damages the food so if you refreeze it you can refreeze something but you can't rethaw something because the thawing is what causes it yeah okay

so you can freeze that donut thaw it out freeze it again and eat it frozen oh yeah that makes sense because the bacteria will start like

uh re regenerating what? I don't know I don't know man we uh it's margo's birthday is coming up she'll be six this year that's crazy that's crazy uh not to me man yeah no you've been there for the bulk of it that's for sure

um but uh her five-year plan is to be 11. But her five-year plan is to be 11. But she, this year, has requested no cake. She would just like jelly donuts. Because she's got nothing to do and nowhere to go, she's just been obsessed with her birthday for the last 100 days. Oh, man. She's been asking, how many days until my birthday?

Off and on for a long time. so she's come up with this she just wants jelly donuts with uh a candle that's the number six not six candles one candle shaped like the number six that was always i felt like that was cheating when uh when i would see that on a cake just the number i was like come on they're candles they can't cost that much um yeah it is yeah i don't know i do there's something about the aesthetics of it but i guess like they both work like having just just a cake covered in candles like looks great i like other than like if i got a four and a zero for my next birthday you'd be like that that works yeah that works but also 40 candles would work too yeah that'd be so cool you haven't turned 40 yet no i i uh it's been 39 for the last 10 years

you are a Samantha Samantha yeah see you am I love to come I love to come by cake um Alicia you said that you uh

getting a sore throat made you want to get a COVID test did you get a COVID test I did yeah so I have known for about a year or longer that whenever I eat kind of consistently eat dairy I get like basically like what feels like a sinus

infection uh sore throat really congested um and I went away for a few days I know you know took every precaution possible except for going away which i did um and throughout that whole time i had terrible seasonal allergies and uh i've had a terrible allergies since march so that's been great not stressful at all and then when i got home uh we have like a lot of protocols around going to work and making sure that you're safe to go into the office. And once you get into the office, you have to take your temperature and all of those things. I started to panic a little bit because the sore throat wasn't great and I had a headache. And so I called the nurse's hotline and...

Where naughty nurses are waiting for you. Yeah, I wish. There was a naughty nurse waiting for me. But not the kind of naughty I like. Yeah, so anyways. She was just bad at her job. They did suggest getting a COVID test, which came back negative. Didn't take very long to find out.

But the COVID test itself is, of course, very uncomfortable. What do they do? They stick it in the nose right is it with a rubber hose it's a yeah it's with the first is with the rubber hose um it's a pretty long swap like maybe um i'm 12 it felt like it was about 12 inches long yeah i wouldn't know anything about that was bigger than a bread basket or whatever that joke is. Yeah, so it's deeply uncomfortable. Yeah.

But it was so uncomfortable that you kind of have the option to either cry or laugh, and I chose to laugh. So then they thought you were like the Joker? Look, she enjoys this. You have the option. Do they give you a form? Now, when this happens, you'll have the option to cry or laugh. We'd like you to choose ahead of time. You will be held to this choice.

And then it was negative, obviously. It was. I'm so glad. How long until you found out? 23 hours. I was checking every hour to see if the results came in. Oh, it's like online.

Yeah. You can, you can get your results online or they call you. Um, I think it's like, our, our hot, naughty nurses are waiting to talk to you.

Yeah. We talked. Um, so yeah, that's that. Uh, I think soon they're coming out with a saliva test which will be nicer for you just drive by and spit

yeah that's how it's gonna happen um during that time you also you went on a nice trip up to uh nelson i went to nelson for the first time beautiful nelson bc i was uh i have some very good friends that moved up there a few years ago and so i flew in a tiny plane to trail bc and then uh that's where my my people come from really my uh mother's family is from trail oh that's very um rural yeah we're we're hill people you were definitely hill people it's it's beautiful um up there it's like mill it was a mill town right yeah and they also shot oh no wait that was nelson where they shot roxanne yeah yeah yeah big claim to fame, it's beautiful there,

and it was really nice to get out of the city, be hugged for the first time in, like, five minutes. Yeah. Why couldn't anyone in the city hug you? I don't have, like, a boyfriend, and I'm not in a hug. Who are these people in small town people, like, willing to hug you? Oh, like, things are way more relaxed there. Oh, sure. sound people like willing to hug you oh like they're things are way more relaxed there oh sure it shouldn't be because you're coming you're you're coming from the city with all your germs

i know um i accepted those hugs though it was a little bit weird at first because it had been so long since i like just hung out with people like that yeah hung out in another house than than your own kind of thing yeah shared meals uh you know watch tv with people that's that's the stuff right there yeah meal good watching tv curling up in a five-person bed we were we ate a lot of cake which was great because there's like a great bakery there and you can just get their cakes and then eat them sure that's what every bakery policy is yeah you get this you can eat it or you can sit on it i bought a hat oh you can tell us about this hat it's so nice it's too hot to wear it it's like a it's a nice wool wool hat with a brim uh went into the woods i didn't see any bears um yeah overall guys it was a really good trip really had a good time yeah good hat you haven't been on the show in a year people will

be thrilled to hear that you got a new hat. You shut up. My experience, I went to Nelson once years and years ago, and I remember walking down the street after having drinks, and a young girl was jumping up and down the street very excited, and we asked her what was going on, and she had just won a hobo boxing competition oh my god what does that mean was she a hobo she well she was missing her front teeth so oh yeah but she won so hooray uh okay were there any of these hobo boxing competitions while you were there alicia i think that those are not allowed during covid but i'm sure they'll start up again that's awful

that they that you can't have them during covid yeah because i would win yeah it's weird though the sports that have been allowed to continue during covid yeah there has been a lot of like fight fight sports a lot of guys it's not like having you know 44 football players on a team but like what about you know you would think this would be shot puts time to really come into its own because just one person at a time javelin those are the two i know discus yeah sure the big three throwing sports um tug of wars no yeah because that one man tug of war one on ones you can keep the certain meter distance and yeah that'd be fun fun for everybody to watch um what was it like for you flying on one of those tiny little planes oh it's terrible you know that i'm a terrible flyer um and what was it like for you flying on one of those tiny little planes oh it was terrible you

know that i'm a terrible flyer um and so yep i got really sick on the way there also it's very stressful to fly because people were in a tiny plane there was it was 20 seats in the plane so 10 on each side and uh the great thing is it left out of the like the chartered and the small flight part of the airport that i'd never been to before so there's very few people and uh you didn't have to have your luggage checked or go through security you just got on your plane which made things easy um and yeah i got off the plane and i could barely walk. I was so sick from motion sickness. And it's really hot up there. And I had a few minutes to compose myself. And of course, because I'm very friendly, made a friend at the airport.

Who thought her friend had gotten off on that flight. But turns out she's coming in the next day, which made us laugh. So then you went to her house and hugged her i hugged everyone it was the thing that was really weird was to be to coming coming from vancouver where we've been very strict and observing uh as much of the quarantine and social distancing as possible and then go to a city that wasn't really affected by it it's a very small city and you know mika's neighbors showed up one night after dinner and sat at the same table and like i just had this anxiety like i don't know who you are like i'm generally kind

of a little bit nervous around new people anyways but um you know like there are moments that i couldn't enjoy because i was so stressed out because of in the current situations right the um yeah yeah it's weird i don't know why it's weird to me that little planes that are going to smaller places don't do any type of security you don't have to walk through any metal detector you could just walk right on with feels like a shotgun but i guess what would be the worst that would happen is they'd hijack a tiny plane and then launch it into what uh like a small cottage something like that yeah who's the guy db cooper oh yeah what did he do didn't he jump out of a plane or throw money out of a plane? What was his crime, though? He jumped out of a plane after doing something.

Yeah, I think his crime was loving too much. Was he like, give me all your jewelry? Did he hold everyone up? And was that a small plane? Was there enough jewelry to really make a like how much did he get away with from the plane i don't know but was it a bank plane like a brinks plane an armored plane um yeah i don't know i don't know what the story is there's the db cooper and then there's the lindbergh baby i feel yeah and then there's the Lindbergh baby. I feel like. Yeah, and then there's D.B. Sweeney

who starred in The Cutting Edge with Moira Kelly. Did you see that video of the woman who got tired of waiting on the tarmac and opened the emergency door the other day? No, that rule. No, but she's a hero. Yeah. Do you remember when that

flight attendant quit his job by doing that? Like like grabbed like two bottles of vodka over the emergency room and he was famous for a week and we love him yeah we love him yeah he rules he on dancing with the stars or something after that he's our paul bunyan he's somebody that we will tell kids about for generations um dave what's going on with you man well i already told you my great story about uh the blizzard yeah um i the other thing that happened is i um so when we had to start wearing masks i noticed that my glasses were getting foggy and my brother said oh you need to get uh cream, shaving foam.

Right. And put it on your glasses. And that'll make them anti-fog. And so I did that like months ago. I had to buy some because I haven't shaved in years. And when I did, I used shaving gel. Oh, gel. Yeah, yeah.

I remember shaving gel. Do you, Graham? It, gel. Yeah, yeah. I remember shaving gel. Do you, Graham? It was around. Yeah, yeah. So I got some shaving foam, put it on my glasses, you know, did whatever I was supposed to do, wiped it off, and then it didn't work. Glasses still fogged up. And so we just, and I never, like, I didn't bring it up to my bathroom or anything it was just in the kitchen for months and then the kids were like what is that this

last weekend they were like what is that and i said oh it's shaving foam and they were like uh can we play with it under no circumstance because i guess they've seen videos of people like uh you know getting pied in the face. And we're like, well, we're not going to do that. So we just went out on the patio and filled a couple of plastic trays with shaving foam. And they put their toys in it and dipped them in water and cleaned them off. And it killed half an hour. Barbasol is here for you. While they were doing that,

a wasp got stuck in the shaving foam and it was like, let me out of here. And so they came and they said, Dad, help get rid of this wasp. So I picked it up, threw it off the patio into the grass and then they went back to playing. And then, like, a few minutes later, I went to turn the hose on so I could spray down these things, spray down these trays full of foam.

And I went out right next to the hose, stepped on the wasp. Oh, God. And I knew immediately I had been stungung and i knew it was my own doing yeah that's true it's a disaster have any of you been stung lately uh you last year yeah i think i was stung last year as well but i don't know by if it was a wasp or a hornet or what it was i didn't see it it kind of came up behind me well i didn't see this thing i just uh i felt it and then i uh well yes i immediately was like walking on one foot telling abby like get tweezers it hurts so much it did hurt so much and it felt like i'm not allergic to it but it felt unlike any other pain

it wasn't like super intense but it was like oh my foot feels like it is changing shape yeah it feels like slow moving poison i felt like it gets like and then it doesn't feel better the next day necessarily oh mine felt better in five minutes but uh i but i did have to like i would you know tweezed out, cleaned it off, took an ibuprofen and stepped on an ice pack. But I did immediately Google, what do you do about a thing like this? Yeah, what if I got shaving cream inside my foot? Now what? Askbarbasol.com.

I love the smell of shaving cream. No, it was like after I put it on Abby was like you smell like my dad used to smell that's right yeah

yeah yeah the like did you when you were younger did you shave with foam or were you always a gel man

I was a gel man I use Venus yeah and the big I shave in the shower yeah I use Venus. Yeah. And the big... I shave in the shower. Yeah, the big razor with the like lubricating kind of bar of soap around it. I remember in college guys used to get...

Now, this is terrible. And I don't know if... When I say guys, I mean maybe one guy once. Sure. It was like, I'm going to get... I'm going to wear Old Spice to the bar, and it's going to remind girls with daddy issues about their dads. Oh, God.

And? How did it go? I don't know. I don't think it worked out for them. That's really gross. That spice, wow. Mm-hmm. It's weird.

It's a scent that is routinely made fun of, yet it persists. Old Spice is still around. Yeah, what was the other one? Like, Aqua Velva? Aqua Velva, yeah. Brut? Brut.

Brut. Brut. Brut. Brut. Brut. Brut. Brut. Brut.

Brut. Dracar Noir. Oh, yes.va, yeah. Brut. Brut. Brut. Yeah. Drakar Noir. Oh, yes. Oh, yeah. Was Old Spice a aftershave cologne? Like now it's... It's everything. It's on everything.

I think it was an aftershave. I don't even know what the original smelled like. Can you just hang on two seconds? Hank's being really annoying. Sure. Hank, go away. He's been trying to... Like he tried to sit on my lap but he didn't like that he wanted to lay part of my lap part on the desk and then for the past like half hour he's been

trying to be in close contact by the chair while emitting a very high pitch only i can hear it noise that he's been making since he was a puppy and then i thought he finally went away but i could keep i kept hearing the noise so i turned around i looked everywhere and everywhere and then i looked down and he's right under the chair staring at me making that noise oh boy what a guy this is this is his time usually so he's like i don't know what you're doing but we should be doing stuff yeah. We've only got so many hours to go. This is his time, usually. What do you usually do at this time? Go for a big walk, play, eat dinner.

And he had a mini version of that, so I thought he wouldn't be so angry. Right. Boy, were you wrong. He's showing you. Yeah. He's a good boy. He's a good boy. Yeah.

Graham, what's going on with you um a couple of things uh one this morning i was uh i woke up to somebody doing construction things on my building and i was like this is not this is not great i don't know what's going on but it's very loud and there's drilling and so i was like okay something is being fixed no problem on your building or in your building i think it's outside it's outside they're doing something maybe to the uh stucco that's on the building or something oh yeah but i was like well at least this will only be you know a day you know it's just one day that's super loud and then uh later on in the day i came home there's a porta potty sitting there these guys are gonna be there for months and it's gonna smell i bike passed one of those today and I almost passed out.

So bad. Yeah. It's right under my window and it's hot. It's hot toilet season. So can't you see I got a duty. It's 103. Yeah. can't you see i got a duty it's 103 um yeah it's so so i've got that to look forward to for many days landlord not give you any kind of like uh be on the lookout yeah the they no no forewarning and so that's why I thought it was like just their fix it guy fixing one thing.

And now I realize this is a, this is a large scale operation that's going on. Is it multiple people? I got to assume so because it's so loud. One guy can just go to the bathroom at the Starbucks. That's right. Yeah. Or in the alley, you know, there's some people who make that choice. Starbucks.

That's right. Yeah. Or in the alley. You know, there's some people who make that choice. There was a weird thing on Twitter that I retweeted. It was a reporter who was talking about, like, she had to stand and pee. Oh, that. She's such a bitch.

And then she was washing her shoes with pine salt. In her defense, it's difficult to find the cleaning like solution that you prefer these days yeah i retweeted it and said i thought it was so clever but people hate it when i mean on twitter uh so i took it down after five minutes because she's complaining about the urine and then i thought it was so clever to say but who's the piece of shit and then it got no i got no likes and i became incredibly self-conscious and then i was like i shouldn't be attacking other women on the internet and then i should take this down and so i did and then i immediately regret that yeah but she i'm surprised yeah the story was like about how there's um uh someone's business is in trouble. And part of the reason is that there's a huge homeless crisis,

but right. And the part of the homeless crisis is these people don't have anywhere to go. The bathroom. So it's, I mean, there's no winners in this, but you don't need to also make an extra post about like, look how much pee got on my shoes.

Yeah. And also it was the bottoms of her shoes. That's what the bottom of your shoe is for. shoes. Yeah, and also... It was the bottoms of her shoes. Yeah, it was the bottoms of her shoes. That's what the bottom of your shoe is for. Yeah. Yeah. And also, it's like, if there's pee, don't stand in it.

That's the quickest solution. If you smell pee in any area, move to the left or right, and you should be A-okay. This is Graham Clark with Toilet Tips. I love Toilet Tips. I love Toilet Talk. We've moved from the porta-potty to this story. you should be a-okay this is graham clark with toilet tips i love toilet tips i love toilet talk we've moved from the porta potty to this story i'm in heaven um i like someone said i guess i misunderstood what the concept of shoes are for uh that was a great rebuttal uh the other thing

too is like the business owner and i do feel for him like the last time i was downtown it's very sad um but that's not the homeless people's problem that this happened um he also opened up a catering business in the poorest neighborhood in canada but he also has a lot of pints all on deck he'll be fine his shoes will be fine uh god bless his shoes have you guys seen the porta potties that are also pink for women so like if there's a uh someone who identifies as female on crew there's a pink porta potty for them to use beside like the blue porta potties what do uh boy how ignorant am i to sound? I don't go... The times I've been in a porta potty,

they haven't been like, this is so great for men. They do have urinals, though, in them. Yeah, that's true. I didn't know that until the last time I used one at the construction site for the new office that I'm going to be working at. Is there anything different about the pink ones?

I've never been in one. They're like that Venus shaver. Everything's's a big everything has a ring of soap around it which sounds great um yeah you know what you could use those for a blue and pink uh porta potty gender reveal party that's what you could use it for you get the parents to hide in one or the other or whether like you just put them outside the hospital? No, I guess. Like, yeah. I was thinking more like an Easter egg hunt

where you put the baby in one of the dirty toilets and then you have to find the baby. Not inside the actual toilet, but like inside the... Dave, can you edit this out, please? Alicia, they don't do gender reveal parties after the kids are even born. Why don't they do that? That's what I was saying, too.

I was like putting it at the hospital. Oh, no, I didn't think that through. Well, if it's the day before the due date. Yeah, that's true. We're going to have a girl. Okay, go in the green so i don't know a lot about gender reveal parties maybe you know a bit more because you're a parent maybe you won't i feel like they became a thing recently i never really they seem

to at least becoming more popular they are becoming more popular um and more explosive um yes they are yeah they they existed i don't know before we had our kids there was maybe they've been around for 10 years people would do stuff with blue smoke i i if you ever um on youtube you can find gender reveal fails it's like you can see people like heading to the gender reveal party and the kid pops them like their their older kid pops the balloon on the way to the car and they're like security camera picks it up and they're like, OK, well, that's ruined. That's pretty enjoyable. Oh, yeah.

Yeah. That's going to be exactly what I'm'm gonna look up as soon as we're done here um because when we had our when we found out our uh kids genders we um uh and you know gender's a spectrum right yeah sure uh we just told people yeah sure when they asked is it a boy or a girl uh they say it's a girl yeah we'll see um is it i felt like uh the first child in bc you're not allowed to know the gender um what was there is some rule about they oh no they can't, I think it's that when you go to the exam and they do the ultrasound, they can't tell you, like the ultrasound technician can't tell you, but they tell your doctor and your doctor tells you. Okay. Because the doctor throws you a reveal party.

Yeah. That's the doctor's job. I feel like it's something that, you know, Hallmark or some business like that sat in a boardroom and said, how can we squeeze one more gift giving activity around either marriage or birthdays? And they figured this out. I don't think people give presents at a gender reveal party, do they? Yeah, I bet they do. And then I mean, at the very least, it was, you know, Lay's potato chips that came up with it because more people will be having parties buying more Lay's. Yeah, everything's a conspiracy with you. Graham, have you noticed across the street from us, across the street from you and close to where I live, there's a ground level apartment that has the q anon uh sign in the

window what is that so they have two fluorescent cues and then you know what q anon is graham yeah i've i've read about it but what is the symbol or whatever it's a cue and uh and then something about the great awakening or and i've been walking past it like for a year now thinking that sounds familiar it can't possibly be that crazy conspiracy theory stuff and i'm like yeah yep it is but it's like are you just are you walking past hoping that they'll notice you or what you know yeah because i want to talk about pizza gate i want to talk about pizzagate i want to talk about pizzagate with somebody who understands yeah the other thing that happened to me is i uh i went to

what does it have to do with gender oh it was a port-a-potty this port-a-potty talk landed us there but uh i don't know if you guys have noticed it i only noticed it a little bit the other day until i went to stanley park is i felt like there's more moths oh yeah like i was just seeing more moths uh hanging about and fluttering around mothopulus mothopulus moth apocalypse, moth-op-o-lips. Moth-pocalypse. Moth-cops-o-lips. Oh, the leash is broken. Yeah. Moth-o-lips. Moth-tropolis.

Moth-tropolis. That's where you get your best moths. So there were, I went to Stanley Park and it's insane. It was a moth-pocalypse. There were so many moths, you couldn't walk anywhere. It was like the birds, but with moths. Wow. And I've never experienced that in my life. Didn't care for it.

Getting like soft touches of wings on my lips and stuff like that. No thanks. Yeah. That's how many were flying around. Yeah. Say goodbye to my knitwear. My fall wardrobe is... It's at risk

it sounds like some kind of mothpocalypse mothpocalypse I got it mothacoblitz mothcapopulates open moth kissing that's when they were moth to moth resuscitation moth mouth to mouth resuscitation

jimmy moth from the sauce the wrestling manager guy pretty good pretty good i don't like moths wormy bodies yeah they've like they're like worms with wings i do like a little fuzzy yeah the big ones are fuzzy but the little ones i like the little ones that when you kill them they yeah just turn to dust yes the uh they're just made of dust i mean we're all all made of dust there are so many yeah and we're in the wind um there's so many moths that they're outside during the daytime yeah which is you know not really moth style this was like late in the day but certainly not the mothing hour and they were just going nuts i guess maybe this might be their breeding time or something lucky yeah exactly open moth kissing. It's good.

The first time, it was better the second time. Better the second time, absolutely. You have got it. So that's, you know, that's all that's fit to print. Port-A-Potties and Moth Attack. Wait, you also had, like, a vision there. You had a vision of delight yesterday at Stanley Park, though. Both you and Sally texted me at the same time.

Yeah, this was... Who's Sally? She's my girlfriend. Sally's my girlfriend. Oh, what? That's never come up on the show. So many broken hearts out there tonight. Yeah, right.

I saw five raccoons, all raccoon babies, and one raccoon mother all digging around under rocks in the water looking at guests. Where's the father? The father, he's a deadbeat dad. He's out on the road. Rolling Stone. Yeah, he sends some snails home every once in a while for the kids and uh she shows up on christmas with some toffee

fee oh yeah um yeah so all these uh raccoons were digging around under rocks and uh trying to look i assume for snails i don't know what else alicia you're the raccoon expert what were they looking for um you know snails is an interesting, but I would have guessed maybe mussels or maybe small fish. Right. This is this. They were at the beach? Yeah, they were in the water, splishing around. Crabs.

Yeah, maybe crabs. For sure. But it was a delight. And I felt like everybody who walked by was really missing out on some juicy nature going on. Everybody had fled the park because of moths yeah so uh you know i get it now i get why people are on and on about this park situation there's there's magic and horror to behold hey i'd like to call something out here that i think needs to be brought out into the light um but since covid started graham you've become a lot more outdoorsy i've had to because i don't have

anywhere else to go yeah it's nice to see yeah i have to this is this is a survival mechanism once it gets cold i don't know what i'm gonna do uh tunnel underground i don't know we'll see i'll see if the guy outside knows how to tunnel underground and he can make me a little a little uh you know cave for me to hang out in because where am i gonna go where am i gonna go when it starts raining no park no no motor cars keep you dry and warm uh yeah so uh yeah i've been a real park guy sitting out in chairs hanging around a lot of benches i've been uh bench drunk and oh yeah you got your um you got that outdoor chair for the summer for all your park hangs um any like uh you have you worn in

the seat really well yeah yeah it feels like a second skin at this point have you fallen off of it yet yes i fell off of it at your place you really did yeah i rolled around like a like a hilarious cartoon man that's crazy um well should we move on to some overheards? oh yeah hi my name is Graham Clark and I'm one half of the podcast

stop podcasting yourself a show that we've recorded for many many years and at the moment instead of being in person we're recording remotely and you wouldn't even notice you don't even notice the lag that's right graham and uh the great thing about this go ahead no you go ahead okay okay go ahead and you can listen to us uh week on MaximumFun.org.

Or wherever you get your podcasts. Your podcasts. Overheard. Overheard's a segment here where if you're out there and you hear something great, don't just steal it away and put it in some closet somewhere. Tell it to us so we can all enjoy. And we always like to start with the guest. Alicia, do you have an overheard?

I have an overheard. I live in a neighborhood. I live in the same neighborhood as you guys. And there is like a pretty healthy level of teenagers in this neighborhood. And some of them are not allowed to say that and i still have that thing where like teenagers make me a little bit nervous because i know how mean they can be because i was one of them once and uh there's this group of guys at the kind of local school that hang out and act like assholes and like break bottles and play basketball but there's also cool yeah they're kind of cool um but i've overheard them saying some like really

crass things and to like other like girls and stuff in the neighborhood but then there's this like group of really cool girls and uh one of them it's like there's like the leader of the pack and she's like the next time i see Brian, I'm going to punch him in the nuts. She means it, too. She's going to do it. I think she really meant it, and I really enjoyed it. I think she probably was headed over to the school grounds to punch Brian in the nuts. Yeah.

Well, he had to come. When's the last time you really got hit hard in the nuts, Graham? Not as long ago as i would have liked to have had um in a in a silly uh you know like where you used to like whip somebody with a with a tea towel you know you spin it up and then whip somebody with a tea towel uh-huh i had that on my nuts a couple years ago, and it hurts so bad. I haven't really gotten it since elementary school. Oh, what happened in elementary?

Can you recall? Gym class, just getting a ball in balls, and then being embarrassed because it hurts so much, and you can't tough it out. It's just... No. You think it's only going to last for five seconds, and it can't you can't tough it out it's just no it is you think it's only gonna last for five seconds and it doesn't it just keeps going and going yeah i guess it's like that kind of pain where there's also like that wave of nausea where you feel like you might barf yeah and there's a whole part where you can't breathe and yeah yeah it's i remember getting a slap shot to the

nuts once the breath the breath comes back but the pain doesn't go away oh oh god i can like i can't reason my way out of this i can't deduce like sher so i was uh thinking we we we have one um unreleased episode of the live episode of the podcast that we recorded last year in calgary oh yeah and i I just never got around to putting it out. And it's been a year now. It came out like 368 days ago. It was recorded that long ago,

and I was just listening to it to make sure it was okay to release. And I went through my phone to see if i had taken any pictures from that day and one of the pictures i had taken was uh the uh so the the calgary library has just tons like maybe thousands of these little names all over of people who donated to it. Right. And so, uh, it'll say whatever, Graham Clark or Alicia Tobin or whatever. Uh,

and there were a bunch that just say anonymous. And then there was one that said, uh, the name, first name, A S D F second name, A S D F A S D. And it's literally someone just typing those four letters that are right next to each other as their name what's my name uh tap tap tap tap and tap tap tap that's sad of

yeah yeah yeah qwerty ui op uh that's pretty good that that's a one in a million shot that you got to see that. That's home row. Yeah. My overheard is a little boy hanging off his dad's arm and doing that kind of thing where you're like, just see how much weight that your dad couldn't tolerate from walking with his arm. And the kid was complaining, and it was a particularly hot day, and he was saying to his dad, Ah, summer's the worst season. It's baby Graham and baby Dave. It is, yeah.

Yeah, that kid knows. That kid knows. Oh, it's the worst season. Cowie me daddy. Yeah, how much longer until candy cane bark? I just thought of something weird but it would be cute if there was like a muppets baby version of the two of you well people out there who are talented with a pen or pencil get cracking yeah i'm the fozzy i think i'm maybe well i'll say i'm safely gonzo but you know if i'm in a mood animal yeah and alicia is that set of legs oh yeah she's nanny legs nanny is that what they call her was that it

was barbara billingsley from leave it to beaver really when i was a kid I was big into Beef trivia. What was his brother was played by? Tony Dow? Tony Dow. Oh, man, you do know. What happened on the last episode? Do you know that? Well, Beef had to go to Vietnam.

Dave! He got drafted. Oh, shit. Yeah, and that was it. That's about it. Now, we also have overheards sent in by people all over the map. If you want to send one to us,

send it in to spy at maximumfund.org and this first one comes from Liz in Brooklyn. In college I... Oh! Yeah! Oh, Liz! Oh, Lizzie!

Here's a pretzel for you. Yeah, you dumb fuck! Up your nose with one more COVID test. In college, I lived in the very hippie-ish town of Carrboro, North Carolina. While sitting on a bench in the local shopping center, I saw a crunchy-looking mother with a kid maybe four or five years old. I saw the kid tug on his mom's hand and gesture towards the toy store, and then I heard the mom say,

No, sweetie, you don't like toys. You're allergic to toys. Remember we had this conversation a couple weeks ago? You hate toys. Yeah, you're into, you just want, what else would a kid want? What's alternative to toys candy yeah um what uh as a dad dave do you have to distract your kids when they see a toy commercial or if you go past a toy store do you have some kind of technique to make them not see? They don't really see toy commercials because they mostly watch streaming things.

Right. But yeah, toy stores. I mean, I'm not, I, Abby is a complete pushover and comes home with, the kids come home with a toy every time she takes them anywhere. But so I, I, I go the other way and I say, Oh, your mom will buy that for you next time. Yeah.

Well done. Um, this next one comes from Kate in Ann Arbor, Michigan. I'm getting my oil changed. And one of the techs, a white man in his 30s, has a tattoo above his elbow that reads, Eggplant?

Question mark? What do you think that means? Oh, is it based on the emoji? Oh, that was, I mean, yeah. That's the most popular eggplant in our culture these days yeah other than eggplant parmesan oh so good so good the first one i don't think i've had eggplant parmesan i think i've maybe had about five eggplants in my life um yeah and do you know why they call them eggplant i never knew this until like a year ago now yeah i saw it too that when they start out their shape they're white and they shaped like eggs

oh i didn't know that yeah that's great thank you for sharing they turn purple and then they're aubergines aubergine aubergine uh this last uh overheard is from lilas um oh lilas is her sign off her name's annie um what do you think lilas what does that stand for well l-i-l-a-s l-y-l-a-s love you lots and suck it and some suck it that's what it is um i was shopping for bandanas on Amazon and I came across this advertisement the advertisement was a picture of a bandana and the phrase soft, silky and comfortable

like a baby's small hands put it around your neck like a baby's small hands um Lylas is love you like a sister ah i like that that's nice um it's a nice sentiment yeah in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you would like to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631 that's one ugh spy pod one like these people have oh what's that i don't know you kind of sounded a little spooky at the end whoa hi dave graham and possible guests this is chris

in ohio calling in with the overheard slash kids say the darnd. I had my girlfriend's sister's house for a little get-together, and my girlfriend's niece, who's 11, wanted to show us her pet hamster named Hammy, who had just had his birthday. And she's getting the cage out, and she says in the most sincere tone, she's like, now I'm going to warn you you might see his all sack and it is huge this is all we

can do to stop from dying laughing as you are so dead I have to warn you don't run out of the room screaming this is a male hamster who just celebrated his i'm assuming first birthday and last yeah first and last that's right first time last time um yeah it's just an l candle that you get on the cake because it's your last birthday

or just h for hamster you You're only going to have the one birthday. Anyway, we wish all hamsters the best. Absolutely. Here's your next phone call. Hey, Dave, Graham, and possible guests. This is Jim and Matt with an overheard. There's a lot of homeless people, homeless people that, uh, live outside of my house and you can hear them a lot of the time. And, uh, there's a lot of like French speaking Africans and, uh, there's, there's a, uh, horrible woman who screams racially at them.

a horrible woman who screams racially at them and anytime they've been speaking in French she goes ah bah bah bah bah bah bah in mockery of them and one time just now when she was doing

it somebody else interrupted her going ah bah bah bah bah bah bah well off I go Somebody else interrupted her going, I'll go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go, go. Well, off I go. It's a windy setup, but it is very funny at the end. Yeah, I was a little worried going down that path, but I feel like the villain was told off with a Popeye laugh.

What an asshole. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. What an asshole. And getting there, getting there just desserts. Yeah. And as someone who's never made fun of the French language, I have, like, I completely understand.

Here's your final overheard. Hey, stop focusing yourself. This is Rebecca in Toronto. My overheard, I've been sitting on it for like 10 years trying to figure out if it was funny. But these are desperate times, so here it goes. So I was praising the menu board at a sandwich shop, and a customer was chatting with the main cook who was bragging about what he put in his sandwiches. So I can't remember what those specific ingredients were anymore, but, um, because, you know, 10 years ago, they got to the part where he describes using caramelized onions. And that's where the customer goes, well,'t like onions but i do love caramel so i'm

sure it tastes great anyway stay healthy like a caramel apple that's like a caramel that would be horrible but i do love caramel so must be fun. I feel like that's a prank that people play on people. Yeah. I think I've seen that. Polly would give you, hey, you want some caramelized onions? Yeah, and you're like, I'll just lick it until the onion hits, but you don't know what that lick's going to be, you know? Oh, that would be so funny to give on Halloween,

just have a tray of caramelized onions. Yeah. And you put, of course, you would put razors in them. Yeah. Yeah. To teach those kids a valuable lesson. Yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of the show.

Alicia Tobin, you have your own podcast that comes out every week. Every week. It's called Retail Nightmares with my co-host, Jessica Delisle. I have another podcast that we haven't recorded since the beginning of COVID called Super Sick Podcast with favorite spy guest, Kevin Lee. Oh, yeah. Yeah. So if you wanted to hear more of this laugh, that's an option.

And you also have a book out there that people can order and buy in stores. Yeah, it's So You're a Little Sad, So What? Nice Things to Say to Yourself on Bad Days and other essays. But great if you bought it. Please buy it. Yeah, buy it.

I bought it. I bought it. It's just like, it looks great next to a bed on your nice side table. Yeah. Or it could be, you know, take it in the bathroom with you and just spend some quality time. I've been leaving it in porta potties around town. Just hoping people will discover it. Sort of my random act of kindness.

Thank you, Dave. Johnny Crappleseed. Dave, do you have anything to plug? No. I don't. I mean, this sounds serious. This is ongoing. You know, get on board. Season 3, Episode 3, out this week. Nice.

Well, thank you so much for joining us, Alicia. It was a pleasure. It's so nice to see you guys again. Nice. Well, thank you so much for joining us, Alicia. It was a pleasure. So nice to see you guys again. Yeah. Yeah, I love you guys. We love you too.

A bushel and a peck and a hug around the neck. Mwah. Thank you all of you out there for listening. Stay safe out there. Take care of each other and come back next week

for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself yeah you don't really get drunk he does when he goes to the bathroom he spends about an hour and a half in there

doing tequila shots would there be anything worse than doing shots while sitting on the toilet He does when he goes to the bathroom. He spends about an hour and a half in there doing tequila shots. Would there be anything worse than doing shots while sitting on the toilet? I can't think of many things. I think eating spaghetti would be worse. Oh, yeah. Like just eating a big plate of spaghetti and meat sauce. That seems like a comedian's album cover.

It does. Oh, wow. And it's called Unrestricted. It's album cover. It does. Oh, wow. And it's called Unrestricted. It's called Spaghetti Shits. Sloppy Seconds.