Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 653 - Janie Haddad Tompkins

Episode Date: September 22, 2020

Actress and podcaster Janie Haddad Tompkins joins us to talk malls, Alien, and laundry drama.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 653 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name's Graham Clark and with me as always is a three-time Teen Choice Award winner, Dave Shumka. Yeah, I won a big skateboard. No, a surfboard. Yeah. What did you win for? What did I win for? Best Kiss. Best Kiss. three years running yeah

did you see kanye west uh peeing on his grammy today miss a minute miss a lot my goodness i did not he he's been having uh he's been all over twitter the last few days but one of the things he did was put his Grammy in the toilet and then filmed the Grammy with him peeing on it. And I was thinking it would be funny to do that with a Teen Choice Award surfboard. Our guest today, a very, very funny person, an actor. very funny person an actor uh you may have heard her on her podcast the stay f homekins podcast it's janie hadid tompkins hello thank you so much for having me thanks for being on the show this is a real treat it is a treat i i i am i'm nervous you shouldn't be on the surface you look calm and ready this is the lowest stakes.

Is it really? Well, I was a little nervous if your Teen Choice Award is a surfboard shape to be cautious of any injuries. Yes. I mean, yeah. But the Teen Choice Awards, they're not surfboard shaped. They're giant surfboards. They're giant surfboards. Oh, they're actual surfboards.

Can you use it? Is it functional? I didn't really win one but i assume you could i assume they're made not at a trophy store but at a surfboard surfboard shop yeah but then like what are these people supposed to do if they win multiple of these surfboards where do they go and like if you are a you know if you're a teen who wins it you know if you and your career doesn't go up and up and up you're like moving from one bedroom apartment to one bedroom apartment with a giant surfboard yeah exactly like somebody from american pie or something like that the one yeah yeah it should be you know what it should be it should be a hot plate

because that's more practical and you could use it you could use it i would be happy about that i would be like oh my god i'm so excited it's like uh on an old game show where uh there would be the winner and then the other winners would get like you know something like a box of soaps or something like that. Yeah, like a consolation prize. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Do you have a hot plate or like what is the modern day hot plate? Is it Instapot? Because I have an Instapot.

Yeah. I use it like crazy. What do you make in there? What do I make? Oh. A lot of times like you. It's great for like a pot of beans because you don't have to soak the beans overnight. Nice.

So, if you're in a pinch, you can just, like, throw those beans in there, some, like, well, I always, like, do a little bacon or pancetta, you know, onion. Taste it up. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Oh, you know what's also great in the Instapot is risotto. Oh, risotto. Oh, because risotto technically like you have to stand over it for 45 minutes and stir it, but you don't have to do that with Instapot.

You just like, does it turn out the same? Yeah, it's amazing. Wow. But then you lose the experience of standing there for an hour, mixing it in the mixing pot. You're right.

So there is a drawback. Do you have one Graham? Do I have an Instapot? Yeah. No, you have one, Graham? Do I have an Instant Pot? Yeah. No. You have a Crock-Pot. I have a Crock-Pot. And that's...

Love a Crock-Pot. Yeah. Love a Crock-Pot. That's kind of an all day. You put it in, you go to work. What did we do? Oh, we do artichokes in our Instant Pot. Because normally they're like an hour to steam.

Sure. But in an Instant Pot, they're like 22 minutes. You really... You don't save a lot of time it's like really fast sometimes um uh did we get to know us now we did get to know us okay um geez uh i feel like instant pots were very big two years ago and then everyone started talking about air fryers. Right.

Are air fryers back? I think so. Where were they before? Didn't Ronco, didn't he make an air fryer? I feel like he had more. They made a food dehydrator and a pasta machine. Was there a George Foreman something? Yeah, the grill.

The grill. The best grill, the grill. The grill. Cool, of course. The best grill in the biz. But maybe he... That's what I think is today's hot plate is a George Foreman grill. A George Foreman grill? Yeah. Yeah, probably.

Yeah. I mean, you can only make... What else could you make besides a sandwich? I guess you could squash a whole turkey in there and just sit on it. I thought it was like for steaks and stuff and hamburgers. Oh, yeah. I i thought so too because it's got like a place for like the juice to run yeah like a little ridges or something yeah a little drain spout for grease to run did you ever have one of those either of you i did yeah i had something yeah like it if it wasn't the official one but yes i was given one as a gift when i was living in a

studio apartment in manhattan and i was kind of like where am i supposed to put this you know it was like the i lived in like the tiniest apartment you know yeah i just didn't have room for it so yeah well i don't even know where you don't have it i don't even know where you would stick it. I don't either. I don't even remember. I was like, what? Did you just leave it in the street? Probably, because I don't have it anymore.

I think probably just gave it to somebody. Yeah, that's fair. Yeah. Well, this is your first time on the show, and thank you for joining us. It is. Thank you for joining us. It is. Thank you for having me. Oh, it's a pleasure. We like to start the show with a small appliance roundup. Yeah, exactly.

Okay. Yeah. Who is your Maytag man over the years? Because he's changed. He's changed every year. Yeah. You're an actor. Here's what I know.

That you and Dave share something very special is that you both love wendy's yeah do you i guess i do yeah i you said on an episode of the podcast that you do that uh wendy's was the king of burgers and i was like that is a bold statement well do you remember saying is this um is this like a bit i don't know i don't know what it's supposed to do here no no no it's like an improv thing yes and no i no you do not have to if that is if you don't remember saying that yeah if you don't then it was just i do think that i would like a shake shack burger that would be like my burger of choice what is a shake shack burger it's like oh like shake shack is like uh it's like a chain

it's a chain of like yummy like burgers okay and they have like they have like crinkly fries oh nice yeah you like crinkly fries yes you like crinkly okay okay yeah um so so you don't remember this this is like playing the newlywed game with yourself yes yes i do like with your own podcast i like a wendy's chicken sandwich wendy's chicken sandwich spicy chicken or uh regular home style oh yeah okay uh home style yeah i mean i like spicy stuff but you know if you're gonna go to wendy's it's gotta be i'm gonna go to wendy's i do like frosties graham i love that you presented that like it was going to be this big oh no it was i just wanted to to you know gently ease everybody into the podcast on familiar ground really just like

through i would never turn down any burger any burger no even in and out people like love in and out and i mean i don't get it but i'll still eat it you know what i mean yeah i know i know what you mean too and it's uh yeah i didn't whenever anyone i know goes to california they always post an instagram picture of going in and out and they like have like a bible verse on the on the cup then they post john 3 16 the rest of the uh chains are heathen or druids, maybe. What? Chick-fil-A is Christian. Chick-fil-A is Christian.

Yeah. Yeah. And not in a good way. Is there anything? No, I feel like fast food and religion, like, shouldn't we be mad about it? Like, you know how they're mad? Like, they're mad about, like, football players taking a knee? Yes.

How come we're not like, hey, keep your Bible out of my burger. Because Grimace never took a knee. That's why. Yes. What's your favorite burger? I'm a veggie. Grimace is a vegetarian. So I like the A&W Beyond Burger.

Okay, Beyond. Yeah. What about like a Portobello Mushroom Cap Burger? Do you get behind that at all? I get behind behind that the only thing is the portobello mushroom is the slickest shiniest thing in the world so as soon as you bite into it it flies out of the pot right like just eat it plain it's like eat it with a knife and fork and some balsamic some balsamic reduction this is what i'm talking about what a little bit of like um like like fresh mozzarella cheese you're making me hungry here your burrata a little burrata some olive oil

what do you think oh this sounds good would you have that yeah i would have that in a second if i stop by that's what i hope is uh cooking up okay yeah i will it's not like you were naming something gross here like if i mixed uh like all the ketchup and a bunch of ice cubes and a rat carcass would you eat it have you ever eaten anything on a dare uh no i haven't because I don't really like dares don't motivate me. Okay. I guess like, yeah. Have you?

Yeah. You have. I ate cat food. Yeah. Like from the can or from like the dry bag? From the can. From the can. The dry bag would be,

the dry bag, that's no challenge. I could eat that. That's too easy. Those are like corn pops. No problem. But the cold, the cold wet can.

But there's like a, like a smell factor. Oh yes, there is. It is such, oh yeah. I, like we had a dog for many years

and I was so thankful that he had a sensitive stomach so he could never have uh wet food it would have like oh he would have loved it though so this friend of mine i was like they were just over here the other day actually um she's canadian and um her boyfriend we know her okay yeah you probably do um her boyfriend's from alaska and this topic of like eating cat food came up weirdly like like three days ago this just came up wow and um and i guess his dad was a pilot in remote alaska and he would like stock his plane with dry dog food because he knew that he would never eat it unless he absolutely had to and it would be there in a survivalist situation that's smart because if you just stock it full of granola

bars that you love you're gonna eat it you're gonna eat it all yeah and then you're gonna be in a survivalist situation and then you're not gonna be happy i never want to end up in a survivalist situation that's my goal in life you know i i feel i predict i never will unless something very drastic happens right like you wouldn't go into the woods no no that's not happening no dave what do you think your survivalist chances are i don't yeah i'm not interested in surviving you want to be wiped out right away i want to be wiped out right away i don't want to like i don't want to be like oh yes we got to make it through the apocalypse for what what's on the other side that's how i feel dave i cannot agree with you more on that i know this and wendy's we are like and wendy's i'll eat

anything from wendy's do like a frosty last night i went so last week on the show i was talking about how i just had the pumpkin pie blizzard from dairy queen and um it was because they have uh they have all their fall flavors yeah and last night i got a hankering after i put the kids to bed at like 9.30. I was like, oh, maybe I want to get that mocha Oreo blizzard. And there's a Dairy Queen in our neighborhood that always says it's open till 10, but always closes early. Yeah, that's great. And I went and it was closed.

Oh, man. And so I drove across town. And as I was going further and further. Wow. This is revealing a lot. Like I was like, okay, well I can, I can make it to the West side Dairy Queen before 10.

I'm, you know, they might be closed too, but it seems like a higher traffic Dairy Queen. But as I was going West, it was like, everything was closed. Like gas stations were closed at 9.30 at night.

Yeah. Wow. What do they have in Frosty at the gas station? Do they have anything? You can probably get some like five-hour energy blizzard. So what's the scene in Vancouver? Is the air covered with smoke and stuff? Yes.

Yeah, yeah. It's not not as like we don't a few years ago we had a um we had a lot of forest fires and like the sun was red every day we never we didn't get like the red sky but we do get like filtered sun that like makes everything orange yeah sky sky is white the sky is white and it feels very like middle of the winter instead of end of summer. Yeah, yeah. How about you guys? It's the same. We have a very hazy like Asheville kind of sky and it's covering like our cars and stuff.

It's very bizarre. Yeah. Oh, there's like ash raining down on. Yeah. Well, yeah, there's a fire about less than an hour from here oh we should go oh really yeah it's actually threatening this um um observatory like sky observatory is that like the famous observatory not that one i guess it's the second famous one two observatories over from there.

Because. Turn left and if you get to that observatory, you've gone too far. Like if I've been really honest with myself, I've never heard of this particular one observatory. However, it's been in the news big time right now because it's like right, the fire's coming at it like coming for it and it's like full of billion dollars equipment billion dollars worth of equipment they should they're trying to say yeah they're trying to save it i think it's like bolted down or something yes i think it's like actually like it's like the whole building itself is the billion dollars worth of equipment or something like that. There's your problem.

Yeah. It's. Yeah. So that's like a big thing they're like dealing with. Hmm. That's bad. Yeah. That's bad.

Yeah. That's not great. But like observatory wise, I guess we have that elder one. Yeah. You have the Griffith. We've all heard of the Griffith. We're like good with that. Yeah. We're swimming in them. Yeah. You have the Griffith. We've all heard of the Griffith. We're like good with that. Yeah.

We're swimming in them. Yeah. You'll pull through observatory wise. I've never I've honestly could not name another observatory. I know.

It's so weird that we like have you been to the Griffith Park Observatory that's here in Los Angeles? No, but I've heard of it for some reason.

It's a really cool place. I think it's in without a cause in fact there is a bust of james dean at the griffith park observatory because he was the best observer he was i guess he well i guess maybe he puts them on the map i mean that's why we've all heard of that one. Yeah, I guess so. There's another one. Yeah, because I... Oh, didn't Paul Abdul do a video that was kind of based on... Rush Rush? Was it Rush Rush with Keanu Reeves?

And they were also at that observatory. Were they really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, it was that one. Someone just sent me that the other day because there's been lots of Keanu talk with the new Bill and Ted have you seen it yeah we watched I had never seen any of the Bill and Ted's and so and Paul wanted to watch the new one and so we watched all three of them nice yeah did you like it the new one I did I liked it i thought it was funny did you like it yeah i loved it and i i

loved the daughter that was doing keanu reeves character because she was perfect yes yeah i i agree the daughters the the idea of the daughters was so clever yeah and they i think that one that did the keanu impression she should be up for best actor right or actress rather yeah yeah well um we were at um we were at a restaurant in november um kind of near where we live and um keanu reeves walked out with alex winter and we lost our minds that's man that's like seeing jerry seinfeld jason alexander it is it is i was like uh we were like freak and they and he had like a motorcycle helmet and stuff nice so he and like a leather jacket so you had never seen any of them no i i had somehow i had like escaped my but you knew you recognized those that them as a duo

yes because i guess the whole bill and ted's thing was enough to have like penetrated my psyche yes i never saw i i've only seen the first one okay you never saw bogus journey i've seen it about five times you have the first one yeah that's a lot of times to have seen bill and taj like it was the kind of thing that was just on TV a lot, or it used to be. Right. I think I've seen it more than five times. I've seen both of them more than five times, for sure. I do feel like if you watch the new one, you probably do want to watch the second one.

Yes. I'm clearly not racing to do it. Yeah. You're not racing like you would to get a blizzard. Yeah. Oh, by by the way so to finish that story town across town i kept going and that that dairy queen i saw it it said open on the outside and i was like no way and then the sign says open till five in the morning wow but they weren't nothing is open for miles no it's open it was open till five in the morning. Wow. But they weren't open? Nothing is open for miles.

No, it's open. It was open. Till five in the morning? Yeah. Why is there an all-night blizzard? Or Dairy Queen over there? It's clearly catching all the missed business from the other side of town. That's right.

So it's like. I don't know what I would have done if I didn't get a blizzard. Oh, my God. You could have go get a Frosty. That's the same ballpark. You could go get a frosty. That's the same ballpark. You guys are like us in California. You have the legalized weed. They probably

just want to keep it open. Yeah. Is there a dispensary next door? Because Yeah, there is. Yes, of course. It's a combination Dairy Queen, Orange Julius marijuana dispensary. Yeah. It is a It is Queen, Orange Julius. Is that okay? Marijuana dispenser. Yeah. It is a... There you go.

It is a combination Orange Julius. I don't know if those are combined in America. Wait, is Orange Julius the name of your weed store? Oh, that would be amazing. Yes. Wow. No, it's... Do you not know Orange Julius?

Oh, I do. I just... I guess I missed the beat. Sorry. I do know Orange Julius, like from the eighties. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Like in the mall. Yeah. It's like a orange drink, an orange smoothie kind of place. I love that place. Like I love those drinks.

The Orange Julius. But you had to drink them with it. They had Orange Julius, Strawberry Julius. I'm sure they expanded it. They had a great pizza dog. But you had to drink them fast because they separated. Whatever was inside of Julius became two different things.

Gross. Yeah. I think it was just like frothed juice. It was just like sugar. It was just like liquefied sugar. I mean, that's all it was. Yeah. Do you think?

Yeah, they just put cotton candy in the top and then put it through the machine and now it's liquid yeah yeah i understand how science works so that's like still alive and well in vancouver orange julius is what you're saying yeah i don't know if they're in they're probably still in malls but they've combined with a few dairy queens i was just thinking about malls today because mall culture like it kind of died right and then yeah and then i guess there was sort of they tried to sort of reinvigorate it in the 2000s but i think they made a mistake because like all the new modern malls are not they need to make like a cool looking mall on the inside and not make it look lame and like fluorescent yeah because like i feel

like there was a golden era of malls where they yeah they would have like beautiful fountains in them yes and uh you know there was like somebody designed it all it looked like yeah skylights and all this kind of stuff yes yeah yeah and then like malls today are just sort of like strip malls with a roof. Yes. I understand what you're saying 100%. What was your local mall growing up? Growing up, our mall was called the Citadel Mall. Citadel Mall.

There was an Orange Julius. There was an arcade with video games. Yes. My favorite store was the Hello Kitty store. Oh. I also like Spencer's Gifts because I'd go i also like spencer's gifts because i could go and buy like stickers from my sticker book nice yeah um yeah what was your mall dave oakridge i used to oh okay yeah i went to oakridge boy yeah like the oakridge boys they would sing elvira uh every morning at 11 a.m

in the fountain no i liked i don't remember having a favorite story i liked the food court i liked yeah that it was a very uh i remember that mall particularly it had a piano that maybe played itself. Classic. Yeah, absolutely. Classic, yeah. And it always had like a Jaguar inside, like the car, like we're giving away this car or check out this car. Just a caged Jaguar. I know, when I said it, I was like,

it might as well be. Just like somebody parked, someone that worked there parked inside so that there was always like yeah a way to see it um have you guys ever been um and um i don't know if you've ever been to minneapolis have bet there's the mall of america there's like the biggest mall in america have you ever been there no i've never been but we have a giant mall in canada i am grew up next to the world's biggest mall yeah that's right there's a world's biggest mall. Yeah, that's right. Wait, so there's a world's biggest mall?

It was called... Not anymore. It's not anymore, but it was called West Edmonton Mall. Okay. And it used to be the world's biggest mall. Now it's like somewhere in Bahrain or something like that. Oh, okay. Yeah. Like, they just had to outdo everybody.

Well, let me ask you this about the Edmonton Mall. Because I went to the Mall of america once in minneapolis and um i was pretty excited of course i was like it's like the biggest mall america yeah like at some point in the mall the stores just like start repeating themselves yes wow that is exactly right it's like when you it's like going to a town and there's a Starbucks on the corner and then there's a Starbucks five blocks away. Yeah. I thought for some reason it was just going to be so many stores that you could visit 100 stores in one day that were all different. Yeah.

And that is not... In other words, they're like, oh, we don't have your size. Let me call across the mall and see if they have it. How is that? That seems like it's cheating in don't have your size. Let me call across the mall and see if they have it. Like, how is that? That seems like it's cheating in some weird way. Yeah. And if you were somebody who bought a franchise and then they started up and they were like,

what, this mall already has the thing? Yes. You would be so mad. You'd be so mad. Part of what made the West Edmonton Mall big is that it had stuff, like, non-store stuff inside. It had, like, a wave pool and water slides. Whoa.

That's cool. Like, roller coaster. There's a roller coaster in Mall America. There's, like, a Snoopy roller coaster in there. There is. I believe it. It's just funny how licensing works. Yeah, yeah.

But is there, there's also a skating rink, isn't there, in West Edmonton Mall? Maybe. Yeah. And they also had a hotel that was attached to it, so people would make like a whole weekend of it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The Fantasyland Hotel. And every room was themed. Yeah, it was like ancient Greek and like the moon.

Yeah. Whoa, really? Yeah that is it still there yep i don't know if the hotel is but the mall is i'm pretty sure the hotel is but the mall is definitely there and i've been a couple times because there's a comedy club in there of course and uh my god they have everything Did you perform at the comedy club? I did. And how was it? It was bad.

Oh, I had a bad time. But it was it was my it was partially my fault, partially the audience fault. So, you know, we all share the blame. And then you had to go back to your room, which was themed like egypt to sleep inside a sarcophagus wow that probably sounds cool though i would go well if you ever find yourself in edmonton do stop by edmonton exactly um is it like alberta western canada western western western like a like above like what like montana or montana yeah exactly yeah that was just a guess by the way that's a really it was a perfect guess

so it's like it's like beautiful though like kind of country terrain like the mall is beautiful the mall is the most beautiful thing no the town montana is like really pretty. It is. Yeah. And Alberta is pretty. It's got, you know, rolling fields and Rocky's off in the distance. Yeah.

It's very pretty. But when you go to Edmonton, you don't, you don't see it. You just go right to the mall. That's where you spend your whole weekend. In ancient Egypt. And you don't leave.

Yeah. Um, was it there? Uh, didn't Tanya Harding practice at a mall uh ice rink oh oh yeah that sounds about right yeah wasn't that like a famous thing about her is like and then when like she was practicing in portland i think oh that's right because she's from oregon or something yeah she's a real hipster um and she she but like she was practicing at this mall and then before the the uh controversy and then like she couldn't escape from cameras because

anyone could go to the mall oh right right right um did you see that there was like that movie i tanya that margot robey was played like tanya harding in it yeah did you see that there was like that movie i tanya that margot robey was played like tanya harding in it yeah did you see that movie yeah did you see it i did i saw it it was good it was like crazy weird like how they made her look like an olympic level skater it looked like seamless like i think it was all cg that they were doing yeah was it i mean that's amazing i haven't seen it but they also made will ferrell and napole Napoleon Dynamite seem like really good skaters. I know. I didn't see that one.

But, like, if they can do that in those movies, then, like, they could cast anyone and anything, right? Like, they could cast me as, like, you know, whoever. I mean, sure. Yeah, absolutely. I mean, like. The mind reels. Like, there's just, like, a lot of magic they can do in movies now. Yeah. There was, I watched. What's this thing? I don, like. The mind reels. Like, there's just like a lot of magic they can do in movies now. Yeah.

There was, I watched. What's this thing? I don't like it. You don't like it? I don't want magic in my movies. You don't want the magic? No, I don't want to, I don't want to see like, I'm very turned off by, you know, movies that are all on a green screen.

Now, what are your turn ons? You listed your turn ons. Oh, boy. boy uh vulgar language rudeness okay noted when someone's like swears at a waiter oh hubba hubba what in your dream in your dream world your wildest dreams what would you want them to transform you into in a movie well um in my wildest dreams like if anything could happen like i've always wanted to play like um a country star in a movie like, like a Star is Born style. Yeah. Bobby Cooper. Yeah. Like, like, like maybe I'd be like Bobby Gentry or somebody.

Oh, okay. That's a good. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's great. I feel like CG could make me look like her, right? Yeah.

Totally. The makeup. Some. Yeah. Yeah. They don't even need the makeup. They just put a green thing in your face and they go to work. They just put a bunch of little dots on your face.

Yeah. That's always been like my secret dream. But it's not that secret because I've told other people besides you. And now it's on record. But it's not that wild of a dream for an actor to have. No, but it's cool. A lot of actors play like you know tortured singers and stuff like that's a thing i don't know bobby gentry what um what era is that um i guess

she's like 60s and 70s um did you like she she sings that song fancy you know that song she wrote the song oh wait oh i know is it iggy azalea you're thinking of iggy azalea she wrote this song um it was like uh oh god i'm gonna blank on the name graham are you familiar they like made a movie about it the song like the song was so popular they made a movie about graham you're more country than i am i'm a little bit rock and roll yeah i'm a little do you. Do you know Bobby Gentry? I know Bobby Gentry, but I don't remember any of the songs. You looking her up? The story of...

Is it Ode to Billie Jean? Yeah, Ode to Billie Jean. Nice. So she sang Ode to Billie Jean, and then they made a movie of the story of the song and into a movie like in the 70s wow i think a lot of crazy stuff was going on in the 70s and you totally you could do like a movie based on a song it's like the awesomest song though like like it stars robbie benson as billy joe mcallister does he jump off the tallallahatchie Bridge? How do you know? Yeah. I guess I know the song.

That's the whole song is that he jumps off the Tallahatchie Bridge and they don't know like why or what the story, like, because they were seen

like maybe fighting and she throws the necklace off. It's like a whole thing. Yeah. It's like a whole thing. Is it a real, it's a real story song

like from based on a true story no it's based on like a fictional oh okay story yeah i was sorry i had half an eye on the computer and no ears on a story that she made up but like she's like really cool like she she was just like this amazing entertainer she performed in vegas and stuff and anyway let's make it happen yeah 2021 janie plays oh but here's what's crazy about bobby gentry is that she had this like amazing career and she was this kind of like boss right she like called the shots like wrote her own music made her own costumes and like did her own shows and stuff and then um

like she just kind of disappeared she fell off the tallahatchie bridge or did she jump i mean i guess and also like think she's still alive because i've like gone down like the total rabbit hole on finding out whatever happened to her okay and uh but um she just like stuff like she just had had enough i guess like but that's the thing is we don't know nobody knows why or what her life became like uh having left like show business wouldn't that be the raddest thing to do if you were if you were at the top of your game and shows you've made all the money you need to make and then you just don't show up anymore well that's like kind of what i'm wondering like if that was like her deal she was just like i'm a badass and i don't need this yeah what do you think she ended up doing

i don't know i think she just like ended up like living a quiet life instead of dealing with all the bs of like you know the show this yeah yeah yeah yeah i uh i saw this like clickbait link that i had a picture of julia styles, the actress. And I was like, what are these? What have like, find out what happened to all these celebrities after they, they don't, they now work regular day jobs. And I was like, well, I know Julia Stiles. I think she married a guy from here and she like lives here part time. So I clicked on the link and it was like, she's an activist now.

So she's like also she acts in movies is that a day job can you yeah but she also occasionally acts in movies like last year yeah like she like still works all the time i swear i just saw her in some crazy like weird series where she's like on the french riviera and she was like an art yeah i didn't watch the whole thing she was in hustlers last year or two years ago the jlo stripper movie um and she but in the link it was like whatever happened to boxer george foreman well he's now the spokesman for a grill it was like oh yeah no fucking shit also like didn't he name all of his kids george yep yeah which uh my favorite thing about george foreman is he was retired for a long time and there was this young guy who came along named michael moorer who was a young up-and-coming boxer not michael moore

because he's insufferable it was a young guy named michael moore and he everybody hated him he had a really bad attitude and he would say snarky things about like all-time greats and so george foreman came out of retirement as an old man and challenged him to a fight and beat him in like two rounds come on that was like staged is that true no yeah that sounds like wrestling like fake like wrestling george foreman's got a good punch you know he just like got he's really strong he has a really strong core yeah he's just like you can beat up like young people He lifts all those grills into a truck every day. That's why he's so strong. They're like heavy.

So yeah. Yeah. So imagine the muscles, you know what I mean? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyways,

that's the best. I'm imagining like, uh, you know how, uh, we were talking a few weeks ago. How about how rich people kitchens have the like pans dangling down from the ceiling? Yes.

Yeah. I was imagining what if someone had like a George Fore like pans dangling down from the ceiling. Yes. Yeah. I was imagining what if someone had like a George Foreman grill dangling down and like a soda stream. They have like an Instapot, a hot plate, a crock pot, and a George Foreman grill. Just like dang very rich. Yeah. Copper, copper plated George Foreman grill.

yeah dang copper copper plated george forman grill um yeah dave what's going on with you man um well i saw a movie i had never seen before a classic movie last week um i had to it's a wonderful life uh i'll get to it i had to um uh so I work for a company called Kelly and Kelly that produces podcasts and one of the shows we make is with this Australian comedian named Celeste Barber

oh I love her oh well she's she does like these like funny like parody uh photographs on Instagram oh yeah

it'll be like a supermodel and like a thong and then she'll like dress up in a thong and like try to like mimic it but it's always like a supermodel and like a thong and then she'll like dress up in a thong and like try to like mimic it but it's always like awkward and like less sexy and hilarious like satirical yeah yeah 100 that's that's she's very funny yeah um and she hosts the show and uh we produce it and it's um like in the past we've like all met up in la and you know gone to like celebrities houses and uh i've i've never i've never made the trips to la but people have been like you know she has

cindy crawford on the show and then they all go to cindy crawford's house and record the podcast there she's got a bunch of boxes there for from richard gear that he's she's like he's gonna come and pick them up he said he would come and pick them up but we because of COVID she's in Australia and the guest on her show was in London I don't think I'm allowed to say who it was

Julian Assange it was Julian Assange he was in the El Salvador embassy or whatever. I thought they got him out of there. I thought he was somewhere else. I don't know. But she, so I had to, or I volunteered actually to cover it,

like just do the recording remotely. But because of the time zones, it meant I had to be up at 1 30 in the morning and i'm never up at 1 30 in the morning and i was like okay well maybe i can like set an alarm and wake myself up or maybe i can try to stay up late yes and stay up late stay up late so i was like well i've got all these movies i've been meaning to watch and i never have enough time to watch them so i finally watched alien oh yeah that's a good late night watch get your nice and tense it's not gonna lull you to sleep did you like it what'd you think i thought it was like so good the um the sets are so good and it's like it was it was made in 1979 and uh

so it's like just star wars has come has come out as far as like sci-fi things yeah yeah um and it's like the sets look so good all the like screens and buttons and things yeah um and it's so tense it's like it's uh you know like a horror movie you're yeah you don't know what's lurking around the corner an alien yeah but every time an alien shows up it's so funny because it's clearly like uh someone in a costume going and when the puppet pops out of the guy's stomach it's like well that's a puppet it's a very funny puppet yeah yeah and it like skitters off did that startle you because i feel like that's such a famous moment in that movie that people like jump and it was so i've seen it spoofed so many times i was

kind of expecting it i was like when is this happening right it doesn't doesn't like sigourney weaver called an alien a bitch uh i think she does at the end or that might be an alien that's in aliens where she's get away from her you bitch yeah yeah that's awesome just you can imagine the cussing that you like that's a turn on yeah for you yeah like oh and there's a like every kind of horror moment is very funny to me like they're a guy gets his head knocked off he's i can i spoil things he's a robot it's been for a long time so so I think you can. Yeah.

And like, you know what? If this is spoiling it for you, hearing Dave recant what happens in the movie, then you're just too mad. You know? You're not a happy person. You need to work on that. What have you been doing with your quarantine? Like, get on it. The other thing I love about it is how everyone is smoking the whole time

which you don't see in any other space movies yeah for a good reason wait they're smoking i don't remember that so they're like on a spaceship and they're smoking on the spaceship yeah that's an okay thing to do like i'm not a scientist but yeah i guess in the future they've come up with a solution to that problem wow yeah that's like have you ever seen uh the thing no uh that's also in the thing everybody's smoking all the time or getting high or drunk is it in space no it's in uh like the antarctic it's way out in the middle of nowhere i mean if i was in the antarctic i'd be drunk all the time yeah that yeah absolutely yeah yeah what um do you guys smoke no used to yeah like have you have yeah yeah yeah yeah it was the best i mean i i did like you know socially like in college and after

yeah um just because of what gender you know generation x or whatever but like uh that's true generation x sure smoked up a storm yeah yeah thanks reality bites yeah like we just like did it was like a social it was just like part of the social whatever yeah and um but like when you see it in films and movies like what is the what does it make you think when you see it like are you like oh i wish i yes i i wish that there was a way to smoke but not you know not hurt yourself and if i had you if there was healthy smoking if there was healthy smoking yeah If there was healthy smoking. Yeah. If I had been around when vapes came on the scene, I would have transitioned from smoker to vape seamlessly. Oh.

Yeah. Really? Okay. How about yourself? When you see it in a movie, are you like, hello, old friend? Well, like when there's like so much smoking happening, yes. Like I start thinking like, God god i wish i could have a cigarette and if it's like a tense thing i'm like yeah i'd be smoking like easy too like i guess i'm watching

like uh on netflix right now i'm watching narcos mexico oh yeah and they smoke all the time and i'm like oh like yeah if i was like a narco you know like i would smoke because why not like i'm gonna be shot anyway like someone's gonna come you're not gonna die of emphysema no no like i'm running a very dangerous game yes so i feel like smoking is the one thing that could help like get me through it yeah and since i'm gonna be shot anyway or jailed exactly yeah you know like then i think about it i'm like yeah i want some cigarettes did you did you buy cigarettes or did you just smoke other people very rarely um mostly i feel like that's a divider it is a bit of a divider like if i was going on a road trip i'd buy back marble lights some coke uh, and some BC powder.

You were like Hunter S. Thompson. Do you mean cocaine or Coca-Cola? Coca-Cola. I literally thought that you bought Coke. You mean at the same place where I bought the cigarettes? I don't know. Maybe you're making two trips.

Maybe it's a road trip where you're going to be up all night. No. No. That's what the cigarettes and the Coke is for. You drink the Coke. You smoke the Marlboro Lights. You get a headache.

You take a little BC powder, which is like a headache powder. Stick on your tongue and wash it down Coke. And then a Corn Nut. A Corn Nut. You ever buy Corn Nuts at home? Yeah. Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. What a trip. uh corn nut uh corn nut you ever buy corn yeah yeah absolutely yeah yeah

that's like a road trip like care package right there yeah yeah you like uh flavored corn nuts or is there like just a standard i actually do like flavored corn nuts but like i would buy mostly plain ones because i think the flavored ones are sort of a newer development yeah yeah yeah i like the ranch i like the barbecue oh yeah anything where it's like it leaves the residue on your fingers yeah that stuff is good that's like a sommelier for like snacks this is like this this i know is good see the red appear on your fingers. That's good. The ranch. May I interest mademoiselle in the ranch? Detecting notes of corn nut and Coke.

What's like your favorite road trip snack? Like what do you buy when you're in that road trip? The most hilarious thing that I've seen is some gas station sell an individual pickle in like a water pouch. In like a plastic. Like it's like got its own little green bat, like swimming pool. Little green bag. Like its own swimming pool, yeah. You have to open that outside the car.

Like you can't open that in the car. That's true. That's true. You got to do your gassing up. You got to do your pickle draining. You got to drain it. You got to drain it. Yeah.

Yeah. Hanging out the window. That's like, you can't forget to open it and be halfway down the highway and be like, I really want to open this. Pull over, pull over. That is like a disaster waiting to happen.

Like my problem is I will, I can't hold back if i get a pack of like gummy stuff i will eat the whole pack right giant bag of twizzlers but like it's not a snack yeah it's not like it's gone in five minutes that's the road trip way yeah that's right that's the way of the road i don't't mind like a beef jerky. That'll take some time to eat that. And it stinks. Yeah, it smells up the car.

Twizzlers are a good road trip food because they're just like individual. Yeah. Yeah. I love Twizzlers. I haven't eaten them in so long because I came to a realization. One time I think I ate too many of them and it didn't feel like food anymore. It just, I could, it just felt like a big. Chemicals.

Yeah. A big red, you know, pile of wax in my stomach. Clay. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I've been there.

There was a. Totally been there. Where you've had too many Twizzlers. Oh yeah. Like this isn't food. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. there where you've had too many twizzlers oh yeah like this isn't food yeah yeah yeah exactly where

your brain tries to send you a message like uh you only have that one at most i would be cool if they sold an individual licorice inside like a little licorice pool i would go into that yeah just one well they did they did used to be not in a pool, but you would go buy, you know, where you get penny candy, you would pull out Twizzlers. Yeah, that's right. And then they started, like, selling them like a movie theater pack. Well, they started small, and then they just kept growing and growing, the packs. Like, you can't even buy the old M&M packs anymore.

They're all movie theater size. They're huge, yeah. But, like, I want M&ms for my front pocket just in case in case i go on the road in case you get shot that's right just stop a bullet um so i saw um alien what's going on with you um well uh because of the smoke and I have the asthma, I've been inside for many days and it feels like house arrest. But that's why you stopped smoking cigarettes. That's true. That's how I quit.

Was it because it probably was not good for asthma? That's well, yeah. I mean, for sure, it's not good for asthma but right you gave up cigarettes and started smoking forests yeah that's right right i'm up to two acres a day now graham i earlier in the um pandemic you were texting me once a week uh to see how i was doing and i would say good how are you and you'd say fine and um that stopped again you back then it was i asked you about it and you said that you had a list of about 70 people you were texting to keep tabs on yes that's correct have you you stopped with me did you stop with everyone else now i'm freestyling it now it's

jazz like it's just this person on this day three people on that day so i'm not sitting down and working through a list i'm just the first day that it was very smoky i was in a foul mood i was kind of depressed about it and i my dad called me and invited us for dinner or something and uh he was like oh it's such a depressing day and i was surprised because i didn't know my dad had any moods what a way to find out wow and i i was hilarious i was like uh oh but you know what i'll check up on graham because i bet uh you know if if my dad's feeling something maybe graham's feeling something and you're like it's fine i'm fine yeah when you check up on people like what how do you how do you reach out like what's your sort of in road it just depends on like everybody has like a different thing that they're the

fastest at responding with so some people it's text messages some people it's messenger some people it's a uh you know like a private message on twitter it's all different i'm i'm know everybody's way that they respond so okay yeah and you you would text me and abby and you would say how are you guys doing and either she or i would say you were fine how are you and you'd say fine exactly i just want to make sure everyone's fine does anyone what's the worst response you got did anyone say it's really bad um i felt oh yeah some people did. Absolutely. Some people were like, this is rough. I'm having a rough time. And you'd say, okay, well keep your chin up there, bud. Yeah, I'd be like,

it's fine over here. No, I usually would message back and forth and see, you know, try and get the scoop, you know? And then move on. Like the Incredible Hulk. At the end of the Incredible Hulk, I walked up the highway. My job is done here.

Yeah, exactly. So what have you been doing with your inside time? Watching movies. I went on quite a movie marathon where I watched like a bunch of movies that I had meant to watch prior, but, uh, I watched all the movies I watched.

I really enjoyed except one. There was one that I was like, I'm sure this, this ticks a lot of boxes and I should enjoy this, but it was, uh, it was Daniel Radcliffe in a movie called the guns. A Kimbo.

Have you, have you heard of it? no it's about it's like a future I haven't seen him in anything except Wands Akimbo the 8th Harry Potter movie nice very nice

yeah in the future there's like this online death game that everybody plays there is yeah yeah yeah so get ready future fun 2020 is gonna heat up and he at some point somebody uh like attaches his hands to two guns so he doesn't he can only shoot that's all he can do and uh i turned it off after he used an inhaler i was like well i don't i'm trying to escape from this reality i don't need i don't need a fucking inhaler thrown in my face so as soon as he used an inhaler i turned off do you

know what akimbo means it's like putting your hands on your hips and uh yeah putting your hips like a superhero oh yeah yeah yeah i thought it was sort of like your arms were like kind of waving around yeah i thought i thought that too and then i like you're kind of like wildly flailing arms flailing yeah huh it's not it's not it's just like hands on hips hands on hands on hips and elbows turned outward it's a classic look if you could pull it off it's a very good red carpet look because you got angles yeah you know you just you're not like like frontal like there's some you know definition and definition very top model yeah yeah yeah yeah um and so i turned that movie off and i decided to do some laundry

and there's a whole there's a whole drama scene happening in my building's laundry room oh my god because i want to hear about this okay so here's here's the rundown something in the laundry room smells bad first of all so that's that's every time i go down there i have to confront the smell and how many machines are in there there's two washing machines two dryers okay and is there a source of the smell or is it just permeate the entire room it permeates the entire area but i think it's coming from apartment three because i went to apartments one and two and smelled their doors and they seemed fine but th threes, something was going on in threes. Like, do you want to call like the police at this point? It's not that.

Okay. Oh, yeah. Maybe a wellness, like a counselor could come and knock on the door. A wellness check just to make sure there's not something wrong. Yeah, that's probably, you know what? That's not a bad idea. Maybe I'll go and knock on door three, see if they're okay. Yeah, now it's gotten scary all of a sudden knocking on strangers' doors.

Okay. And there's a door to get into the hallway where the laundry room is, and then another door to get into the laundry room. And we have all been told in the building not to, like, wedge open the doors. We've all been told. The stink will come out everywhere yeah this is the law of the land and somebody keeps putting a fucking doorstop on these doors and just walking away from the situation to the point that i'm like you that's all you're just

doing that to piss off olga is it so the door is like in order to get through the doors do you have to have a key yes to get into the laundry room you have to have a key yes to get into the laundry room you have to have a key so they people prop them open because they don't want to have to fish the key out yes while they're carrying their hamper full of dirty undies but then once they've done that they don't come back and put it put it back to normal they just leave it like that and that bothers you thumbs up well because there's the rule has been

established it's lawlessness it's lawlessness exactly this is not the wild west this is the normal west are there signs on the door that say don't wedge me open yes

no but there should be I agree that there should be. Olga's fatal flaw. Yeah. Olga, it should not be a word of mouth instruction. It should be on the door. It should be a permanent, laminated. Let's make some signs. Yeah.

You can do that. You've got time. I've got time. I can make some signs. Yeah. You just bought a printer a couple of months ago. That's true. I can make a nice one in, what is it, the old MS program?

MS Paint. Paint? Yeah. Yeah. In Paint. Yeah. So then this other thing that's happening in the laundry room, I go in there and there's... Wait, there's more?

Yeah, exactly. Somebody's hogging both of the dryers right and so how do you know well because the uh well you're right i don't know there was only one basket in the room they don't have one pair of pants in both of them one leg in each dryer like jared's pants like a big wide pants what happened to that guy he went to jail you got a day job you got a day oh no he was um i know what happened to him jayden okay i didn't know it's a famous thing the border yeah that's true we didn't get a lot of jared updates here okay but so somebody she'll find okay both of the dryers are busy fine so then i i check the time on it and then i'm like i'll be back 30 minutes i'll be back my stuff in the dryer yes and so i

come back and like this dryer is done but their stuff is still in there so i do the thing that you're supposed to do it take it out of the dryer put it on top of the dryer and then uh did my finished up my laundry then the next day i was gonna wash just some towels and i went down there and that person's stuff is still in the laundry room now this is a whole day that's passed that sums up something's up you think they're from apartment three and they're dead yeah you're right that's like apartment three went and put this stuff in the dryer and they're dead. Yeah, you're right. That's like apartment three. Went and put this stuff in the dryer and they went and died in their apartment. At least they had the decency not to leave it in the washer. They had the decency to move it along before they died.

Yeah, I don't know. Man, yeah, I think I'm on the real, I'm on the horns of a mystery here. Is it a coin machine? It is a fob-based system. Oh, but does it take money off of fob, or is it? Yeah. Well, they charge you.

They send you your laundry invoice, and then you go, what the fuck, how many times did I do laundry every month? What am I cleaning my towels for? They only wipe clean me. towels for they only wipe clean me um yeah how do towels get so bad anyways you know when i was in college uh we had in the dorms we had washer dryers that were coins and i think it was a dollar 25 so a loonie and a quarter and but the loonie, if you got the lid off a Pepsi bottle, you could cut out a dollar coin. That is the genius hack.

Yeah, I mean, word spread. Although, if you didn't do it right, you push it in, ka-kunk, and you pull it out, ka-kunk. Right. If you didn't cut it right, ka-kunk, it goes in, but it does not come out. It does not come out. And then the machine is broken for everyone. Oh.

Oh, yeah. It's not foolproof. No. I don't know what you're saying. Janie, do you have any hacks like that? Oh, do I have any hacks? God, I wish I did. oh do i have any hacks god i wish i did all i know is that you're not supposed they're not supposed to charge you for air in your tire

it's against the law so you can wave at the gas station person to turn on the thing oh really it's not really a hack it's just more like a good to know yeah yeah yeah like a knowledge thing that's a good knowledge thing yeah yeah yeah i was always intimidated to use the air pump for that very reason, that I'd have to... Like pay $2? Yeah. Like how can they charge for air? Air is free. Yeah, man.

You hippie. But they charge for vacuuming out your car. And that's air. That's air too. That's just air going in. In fact, they're just taking air away. Yeah. Yeah.

Trying to think if I have any hacks. Do I have any hacks? I feel like there was a candy machine hack where you could put a quarter in and crank. You know you had to crank to get the thing out? If you did on the last crank, if you did really fast and hard it would stick and then the candy would just come out and like pour out in your hand that's amazing yeah it was it was cool candy should be free don't you think it should be free i want to hear i would like to hear the background on this candy i just feel like it would just be like the world would be happier

we'd be like a better place i don't disagree general doesn't i mean so yeah the government's in charge of candy in this scenario or i guess so yeah yeah yeah they're subsidizing it they they're subsidizing it so they're not making hershey make it at gunpoint yeah they get their money somehow yeah exactly well you know willie wonka was rich right yeah and that's that's like mr hershey mr hershey is rich there's like that guy who there's some guy who's like giving away a candy factory did you read about that yeah no it's like a real life he thinks like 2020 is so bad and he's going to sell these like tickets and there's like a golden ticket. Only it's not the same thing as the movie because you still have to pay like $50 for the ticket.

And then like if you win the thing and you get the golden ticket and you win the candy factory like it's unclear like if you own it or something or like do you own a bunch of debt or and now you have to pay the workers it's very fishy but i was intrigued enough where i was like i'm gonna google that because i want to know more but i also think it's more fun if you're just like buying chocolate bars in the wild and then you find the golden ticket that sounds yeah more in the spirit of the movie and not paying 40 to 50 dollars like it's like in the whole movie it's like a poor kid and he like they're like sleeping seven people in one bed and like he saves up a you know a penny or whatever to buy the chocolate bar and he wins the thing

now you're spoiling charlie and the chocolate factory i guess i am i guess i like the whole spirit of the thing was that this poor kid was able to see charlie bucket yeah yeah uh he was the only one pure of heart in that whole gang the rest of those kids were raw yeah because they were all like insane crazy people which one was your favorite out of that group as a kid I probably did like Veruca Salt because she was like

kind of bossy and stuff and that felt empowering yeah yeah absolutely I can see that I liked Augustus Gloop he did yeah because he he couldn't control himself when he saw that like chocolate river he had to go eat it all and i just feel like if i saw chocolate river i would do the exact same thing i would too that's true chocolate river would be pretty amazing yeah i, we all thought about it like all day long as kids, like chocolate, like a big chocolate pool.

Oh, that would be too hot. Big Jell-O pool. But like, yeah, Coca-Cola pool. Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. That movie's pretty good. I don't think I've seen it in years.

The original? Yeah. I've only seen the chocolate. Yeah, because there was a Johnny Depp one, which is weird is it not i don't i've never seen that one i don't it's plot wise it's very similar i think yeah it's the same movie except instead of being the oompa loompas instead of being little people they're just one guy cloned 100 times what is it like a cgi or is it oh no so they took jobs away yes exactly that's yeah that makes me mad yeah and like the whoever's in charge of the union of little people made like uh he made a

statement saying like that this is a ripoff yeah i think they should because it's not like they get lots of roles all the time you know to be in big studio movies that's true yeah yeah that's would have been like one time i went to dinner and i saw mike myers and verne troyer leaving together and i had a real you freaked out and you freaked out and he was carrying a motorcycle and a mini one so what do you think Johnny Depp's deal is I think he's the best there is smells good

I think he's a very sad man I think he's sad you think it's like drugs and alcohol what's going on did he really beat up um amber um oh this the story came out that it was in fact and i fact check this don't take gospel on this but uh that she was the she was the one not him that's like their whole like court case

that's been going on like through pandemic that was the accusation and they brought like this parade of witnesses to say that she was the one yeah she was like what's the truth it's a little he said she said right it is it is although aren't there recordings of him of her being like no one will ever believe you oh there were recordings there's recordings yeah yeah yeah they had like either they were talking to a mediator or something like that and there was yeah when's do you read us magazine i mean at the grocery store sometimes yeah no janie i feel like there's just like a zeitgeisty kind of like if you're ever on twitter yeah does anyone but

like does anyone read those magazines anymore i think if like well no because we can't go get like manicures and haircuts that's right i mean i have friends i read them but um i only read them if they come into my um you know path yeah exactly but if something's like trending on social media then i'm you know i might go down that road and see you know i think johnny depp is i think he was a guy who wanted to be a rock and roll guy and then he got sidetracked by being an actor guy and now he's a rock and roll guy again so that's he's made the trip the long way there was like some insane like rolling stone profile of him

yeah i read it yeah i was like yeah it was sad it was alarming it was like if your friend was acting like that you would be worried for their mental health or you know yeah yeah if he if a friend of mine showed up wearing as many rings as johnny depp i'd be like okay intervention time they're like buying like i don't know sarcophagus or whatever yeah yeah didn't he spend more on wine than like in a week than we make yeah it's like like like then on a yacht or something like it was like something i mean i don't know it could all be bs like who knows but he one thing he did do was when hunter s thompson died he had his ashes put into a series of fireworks and lit them off in the sky so that's that's something he spent money that's like five hundred thousand dollars to do it oh my god

oh my god well i don't know i'm sure he was very good in that chocolate factory movie i have to see he was okay he was fine i mean i don't know how i feel about the cgi oompa loompas that's no they're it's not good that's not right johnny depp's hair looks like javier bardem's hair and no country for old men you made some weird choices yeah um well should we move on to some overheards please hey you like movies? What about coming up with movie ideas over the course of an hour? Cause that's what we do every week on story break, a writer's room podcast where three Hollywood professionals have an hour to come up with a pitch for a movie or TV show based off of totally zany prompts.

Like that time. We re-imagined star Wars based on our phones. Auto-complete Luke Skywalker is a family man and it's star Wars, but it's a good idea. How about that time? We broke the story of a bunch of of Disney Channel original movies based solely on the title and the poster? Okay, Sarah Hyland is a 50-foot woman. Let's just go with it, guys. Or the time we finally cracked the Adobe Photoshop feature film. Stamp tool is your Woody and then the autofill is the new Buzz Lightyear.

Join us as we have a good time at matching all the movies Hollywood is too cowardly to make. Story Break comes out every Thursday on Maximum Fun. I don't know why I'm using this voice now. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, boy, during these times, if you're lucky enough to hear people talking and saying something wacky, give it to us. Send it to us. Do it here on the podcast. And we always like to start with the guest.

Oh. Do you have? Yeah, yeah. Well, there's like a little famous overheard story that happened with me and my husband and some friends of ours. We went to this concert. This friend had this extra ticket, and we went to see this concert where they played all john

williams music this orchestra like did all john williams music yeah and uh we were totally hammered because it's one of these like outdoor concerts at the hollywood yeah and you buy like a little picnic or this or that and we were kind of in the nosebleed sections and we were just like you know shoulder to shoulder like scrunched in together and we were being so obnoxious and like my friend joel he was like so drunk like he was like yelling at the he was like yelling like meet the press meet the press like because they were playing all like movie scores and he was like saying like play me like and you're playing star wars and people had their lightsabers and stuff and we were just being total assholes and then

we finally calmed down and they panned the camera to one of um in to the woodwinds section and you could see their close-ups of their faces on the big movie screen and the guy behind us turned to the lady he was with and just said that oboe player looks like you judy and then like the four of us that were like shoulder to shoulder and like buzzed and being told just got like the church giggles like like we were shaking but we were holding our laughter into a quieter place because the guy was like literally like inches behind my head and we didn't want him to know we were reacting to his man weird and strange like authentic reaction was the oboe player a man or a woman it was a woman okay it was a woman but like then we were like but like we talk about this happened years ago and we talk about it like all the time. And we never found out. Like we never got to turn around the look at Judy to see if she really did look like the oboe player.

But there were like tears like streaming down her face. So now it's like one of those things like all we have to do is say that oboe player looks like you, Judy. And then it sends us into like, yeah. I love those things that are like stick with you for years and years and yeah um we have uh there was once a i think it was abby's aunt sheila and was abby there too i don't know but they were at a taco bell in america in bellingham washington and it was like this dad with his kids finished eating and said, Daddy's full.

And the kids went, Yay! Oh, my. And so we say a lot of Daddy's full. Daddy's full. Yay! Yay! Daddy's not going to beat us tonight. Something your husband Paul once said on our show.

He once told us about, I think he was watching some show or something. And he said, or it was something, there was a line about broccolini and it was, you remember the broccolini? And anytime we have broccolini, we say that. Oh, man. Mine is one that stuck with me. In a bed and breakfast. Like, my room was right next to the reservation desk. So, and the guy, it was owned by an Australian guy.

And first thing in the morning, like 8.30 in the morning, I was woken up by him saying, Dorothy! Hello! Hello! thing in the morning like at 8 30 in the morning i was woken up by him saying dorothy hello i've been saying i've been saying it ever since dorothy hello um dave do you have an overheard a fresh one yeah fresh um this is from this was on labor day uh i took the girls to the beach because they asked to go. That's cool.

It's probably that Moana influence, right? I mean, why not? I'll tell you why not. It was the worst. Was it crowded? It was so crowded. It's everything I hate about the beach. It was no parking.

Where we did get parking, it was so far to walk to get anywhere that was reasonable to sit it was not cool it was like the waves were crashing it was super windy um and it was we if we had waited one day it would have been fine because they didn't have school the next day and i could have taken them and also at the last minute, Abby didn't seem like she wanted to come with us. And I was like, do you want me to just take the kids? And she was like, that would be great.

And I, so I took the girls, but it was just, it was a disaster. They had fun. It was fine, but it was just like everything. It sounds like it was a pain.

Everything I hate about the beach there. But then we were sitting there and there were two like grumpy teen girls, like maybe 12 and 14 tween girls. Tween girls. And they were like lying with their parents, but they were, it was windy and they were all bundled up in, um, in hoodies and stuff. And they were lying on the beach. And speaking of Twizzlers, they were hitting each other with twizzlers nice and um then one of them uh looked at the other one and all down her hoodie she had tomato sauce spilled she was like ew what's that and the girl with the tomato sauce went oh yeah that's from yesterday's my arm my sleeve came

unrolled so she just went back and rolled up her sleeve and hid her tomato sauce arm that's very tweeny very tweeny yeah and that's uh that's like real scamp behavior yeah yeah yeah yeah oh boy um my overheard was courtesy of i was sitting outside waiting for food uh to be prepared so i go in take it out uh and i was standing with two guys who were kind of they didn't look like super in shape but they looked kind of in shape and they were talking about how the abandoned storefront next door to the of in shape and they were talking about how the abandoned storefront next door to the restaurant was abandoned and they were talking about maybe starting a gym there and uh which was already i was like oh come on you guys we're all just trying to get by you know don't be starting a gym in a place that used to be like a clothing store

or whatever um and then they got their food before me and they one of them looked in the bag and like took out the burrito and gave it to his friend and uh they said in unison i can't believe they said in unison tomorrow we train so oh my god tonight we feast does like an snl sketch or something like like weird cheat day today characters yeah tomorrow we train meanwhile you were just gonna eat a burrito and tomorrow eat another burrito eat another burrito maybe open up a gym in that in that storefront maybe it's like some kind of like viral marketing for this gym that they're opening up it worked on me go to burrito places and then they do this little

training bit yes and then everyone's talking about it and they haven't paid any money for any ads but they had to buy a lot of burritos you know to make it look normal the food has to be so bad for me to think i'm doing damage to my body i'm like oh well this pizza has vegetables on it so you know it's good yeah like a burrito's got beans in it and that's good that's as good as it gets yeah Yeah. If it doesn't come, if I don't have to drive through the restaurant, then I assume it's all healthy. Yeah. No, you're right. Because they don't serve cauliflower at Wendy's or Dairy Queen.

And you know that that's got to be the most nutritious thing in the world because it is gross. It is white. Now, in addition to our overheards, we have overhe overheards have been sent in by listeners if you want to send us one you can send it to spy at maximumfund.org and uh this first one is from kristy in toronto uh she lives in an area in toronto with several homeless shelters respite centers and and transitional housing. These residents are part of the neighborhood, and you often see their familiar faces out and about.

One day I was at a line at a local Tim Hortons, and the fellow in front of me turned around to small talk. He looked as though he had faced some challenges in life, but he had a huge grin and was happy chatting about everything and anything. And just before he was called to serve his counter, he said, you know, it's really great to be delusional. Every morning I look in the mirror and I see Brad Pitt. Wow.

I bet he's got a bunch of lines he likes to use. That is like a very optimistic outlook. Yeah. His mental illness. Yeah, exactly. Turn a negative into a positive yeah yeah yeah yeah but you're right it's probably like he's probably got good stock lines that he he shoots around but i feel like to an extent what you see in the mirror what everyone sees in the mirror is is better or worse than what everyone else sees like you either think you

you look bad and you're like oh i'm a monster either think you you look bad and you're like oh i'm a monster or you think you look good and you're like i am brad pitt yeah and that don't impress me much uh this next one is from sarah in kansas city this is overheard uh when i worked in an office two co-workers were chatting outside my office door. Woman one said, I don't know why I've been so unintelligible lately. Woman two, so bitchy? I really don't know.

Woman one, no, I said busy. That is... I don't know why you've been bitchy, but you definitely have. Like, i get it i i recognize that yeah i'm glad you brought it up before i had to uh who's the bitchiest person you ever worked with i remember one me too i wore a red shirt one day and she was like, yeah, that color really works with your skin. What a jerk. Wow.

Never wore it again. Janie, who is your bitchiest co-worker? One, I once booked this voiceover job. It was like a big deal for me. And I was very excited about it. And the very first day on the job, we had a break. We went in the bathroom. I was in the bathroom with the director of the episode.

And we found ourselves standing next to one another as we were washing our hands. we found ourselves standing next to one another as we were washing our hands. And she turned to me and said, is this your first voiceover job? Oh, Jesus. Did you punch her in the face? Oh, no. She was the director.

And I said, I mean, and oh no she was uh the director and i said um i i mean i didn't even know the answer because i think i had done like little things here and there you know and i was like oh i i don't you know what i i'm not good when people like take me off guard a lot of times i take it's just like really like no one strikes me like in my nervous system, you know? And she was like, yeah, because I had never heard of you. And we had trouble like locating like your agent and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Like all this stuff. And I was like, oh, okay. And it like registered as trauma because I remember like where I was standing and everything.

Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Oh, that sucks. Yeah. I can't say that person's name because they are a gatekeeper. Yes, understood, understood. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, we had no trouble locating your agent to get you on the show today. Yes.

What about you, Graham? I played a comedy club where the booker really liked me, but the owner hated me. And he was not secretive about it at all. And the first night I was there, the second night, he said, yeah, well, you know, Mark booked you. And when he said, I want to bring you to the club, I said, really? And I'm like, okay, you suck.

You suck. Stop it. I mean, I mean, like, this is the West Edmonton Mall. There's a high standard for comedy here. People just can't resist undermining other people. Yeah. Some people. Yes.

Some people. Yeah. Gross people. Yes. Yes. I don't understand what that sort of dopamine hit is that they get from it i think i have it do you you do well i think i have it like as a as like a shitty teenager and i have like it took me a long like till my late 20s to like be on the lookout for it in myself how do you the fact that

you corrected it is says that's great that's growth that's well yeah so how did you know you had it like where you had you been confronted by others who said hey you know when you reacted no i was never confronted but there's an episode of 30 rock where liz lemon meets the kids she went to high school with yeah and she thinks that she was the outsider who was like uh everyone hated and she realizes that she made life hell for everyone else i've like that hit me hard oh wow i felt like oh i'm i like i never i was you know i never really had any kind of other than loneliness i never had any consequences yeah i feel like it's like if a teenager like people as teenagers are not fully formed you know yet I feel like if you're an adult who does that, that's a different story.

Like you are fully formed and you're still deciding on that course. Sure. Like if a middle-aged person is treating you that way, then it's like, oh, you have a weird addiction. Yeah. You should start smoking. Try smoking. Yeah. like it's like okay yeah yeah i was so i was quite relieved when graham said that i was not the bitchiest person he ever worked with no yeah not even close we do not strike me as that kind of person so i'm sort of like feeling surprised i'm trying to grow every

day yeah turn turn turn um so you were not texting 70 people i'm just kidding no i don't know he was texting 70 people to tell them red really works on you i was texting 70 people to be like, I'll be a COVID. Are you sure you want to wear that color? Yeah. This last overheard is from Michael from St. John's. This is something that he saw. Today, my girlfriend and I were walking home in the middle of the afternoon.

We passed a guy in the crosswalk who had a cast on one arm, a snake wrapped around the other, and he was smoking using the snake arm. Oh, my God. Come on. He's probably in the cast on one arm from that snake in the first place. Yes. Yeah, exactly.

These things are related. Yes. Yes. But imagine having, like, two vices in your life life and one of them is a snake and the other one is smoking it's a snake of vice he's gonna have trouble finding a partner to live with him because that is not that's not good but the partner that he finds is gonna be like his partner for life like the partner that is gonna put up with the snake the smoking and the accident proneness is like that's the person was it slash that might have been slash in saint john

yeah it might have been slash because like oh man i'm just picturing the snake with the head like near the fingers and being like hey uh can i get a puff yeah it's also like he's like forcing the cigarettes on that snake that's not even good like pet ownership so they should call snake services snake protective services yeah that's messed up call a social worker in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh.

Spy pod one, like these people have. Hey, Dave and Graham and possible guests. This is Ryan calling from Massachusetts. I've got an oversteam from when I was driving the other day. It's behind a Jeep with one of those spare tires on the back. It had a covering on it that said, Lady in the streets, but a freak in the Jeep. Yes.

Yes, freak in the Jeep. I love it. That is somebody who knows their brand. That's right. Yeah, I don't know if my, like, I don't know if i would ever have a car that was my brand yeah i mean i all i put in a bid i should have talked about this on the show but i put in a bid for one of the oscar meyer hot dog mobiles and i lost i lost with a bit but i did bid how much did you bid mr buddy. Buddy bags.

Mr. Sausage bag. I think the starting price they were asking was 10,000. And I was like, if I can get the hot dog car for 15,000, like that'll be a fucking, that'll be a, my autobiography. I'll just be about my life pre and post,

uh, hot dog car. Wienermobile. And yeah, I don't know how much the winning bid was, but I was, I was out. What was the plan once you got it like what were you going you had a plan late yeah yeah exactly like just advertise for oscar meyer right like you had no other you had some

other notion maybe my notion was because the person who sent it to me was a friend of mine, and he said, if you get the car, he said, I'll pay for it if you get the highest bid, and we'll drive across the country and make a documentary about traveling from the West Coast to the East Coast in a hot dog car. That was the plan. Okay, but it was still going to be Oscar Mayer hot dogs or just a generic hot dog? Well, they had taken the Oscar Mayer thing off because it was still going to be oscar meyer hot dogs or just a generic hot dog well they had taken the oscar meyer thing off because it was no longer okay okay so it's just a giant hot dog could have been any brand they didn't take any of the coloring off though it wasn't just like a white tube it wasn't like a bratwurst yeah it was just a regular old hot dog and yeah but you know maybe another one will

come up for sale who knows um my neighbor used to drive one of those around uh for really as a job yeah oh wow i mean like a long a while ago not in yeah not in the neighborhood no like in her past cool i think it's cool yeah it's very cool but she didn't own it she was just a hired gun yeah and she was getting paid to drive around a hot dog mobile that's amazing yeah she's getting paid that's incredible yeah your friend rules and yeah your friend give our regards to your neighbor uh yeah she seems like the best yeah please you should have you could have her on as a guest i would love i would love that well ask her a hundred hot dog yeah graham we'll talk about it off the air we're not just having people's neighbors on now

here's your next phone call hi Hi, Dave and Graham. I'm calling in an overheard from my backyard yesterday. I was sitting out there and our next-door neighbor's son had a neighborhood friend over and the friend starts talking to him and he says, I want to tell you a new thing. If you're going to the bathroom, number one means

pee, number two means poo, number three means both, and number four means diarrhea. Can I use your bathroom? I'm going to go number one. That means pee. Number two means poo. Number three means both. And number four means diarrhea. Can I use your bathroom? I'm gonna go number one. That means pee. Thanks a lot. Bye. To recap. Wow. I know that I set out some rules. You may be

confused. I shouldn't have put that in your head, but I, cause I do need to go to the bathroom. I felt like his whole monologue was like that he was like scared of being rejected to like to go to the bathroom so he was like setting up like a least worst case scenario yeah yeah he was like best case scenario on one yeah and he's like yeah he might not know the late levels so i have some like the threat levels or whatever i gotta like school my friend yeah i know a lot of kids are toilet gatekeepers and they might not let me go yeah

oh really yeah number three is both number three is both when does vomit come into the scene isn't that that's top four that's top four it's gotta be yeah um i think i've talked about this blowing your nose and throwing it in the toilet is that's 0.5 yeah it's like a fraction or something um the guy used to work with, he was a Russian guy, and his English was really good, except he thought the slang that he used, like, I got to go to the john or whatever, he thought it was, I got to go puke. So that was every time he went to the bathroom, he was like,

I got to go puke. That's like, you were worried about him probably by the end of the week you're like come on man you need to see someone about that but you know what he didn't lose a single pound uh here's your final overheard hi this is brock from las vegas calling in with an overheard just filling out my car at a gas station and a guy walked out carrying a big gulp from the gas station said no bro i'm i'm just too sad to see strippers today it's it's just too much maybe tomorrow well off i go maybe tomorrow if you can

squeeze it in tomorrow i would be in the mood tomorrow. Who's sad? I don't want to be the only sad person at the strip club. I like that he only goes if he's feeling happy. He's not going to bring anybody down, you know? Yeah, that's true. He doesn't want to be the wet blanket that makes everybody bummed out. Yeah, I want to be hooting and hollering. Yeah, he's like, you know, a considerate strip attendee.

Patron. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. Well, that brings us to the end of this here podcast. Janie, you've been such a fantastic guest. Thank you very much for joining us. Oh, my gosh. Well, thank you so much for having me. I feel honored to be honored to be here really well that's very nice of you to say yes i feel like i messed up on

the hamburger thing but i'm just gonna you know pretend it didn't yeah that it didn't happen you know what it's fine we we survived we got i probably did say that at some point. That's, you know, who knows? Yeah, who knows? A lot of stuff comes out during the podcast. A lot of stuff comes out. Yeah. Now, you are the co-host of a fantastic podcast, a very new podcast, Stay F. Homkins. Stay F.

Homkins. I co-host it with Paul F. Tompkins. We are quarantined together. And so we have an absurdist stream of consciousness conversation once a week. Yeah. And you can find it anywhere you find podcasts. People find it very comforting.

We've heard in our feedback. I found it very comforting. They like the sort of casual, authentic, earnest nature of it. Mm-hmm. Yeah. If you haven't heard it, do yourself a favor. Go listen to it right now. It's free.

Yeah, it's free. Come on. You got something wrong with you that you got so much money. Yeah. You turned down a free thing. Yeah, it's definitely free is there anything else you'd like to plug or is that that's the going concern that's the going concern for the moment you got it unless you're a hollywood executive i have a script you can read yeah and also you can be as mean to me in a bathroom as you like yeah because i've already

i i took it i already took it yeah yeah yeah yeah so you definitely that you can't ask you if it's your first job anymore because you've had many more jobs well yeah so the insult's gonna be like is this like your first job in a long time? Yeah. You've had jobs before. Why are you so bad at it? Did you come to acting late in life? Yeah. It was like, whatever. Were you here on a dare?

Yeah. Dares don't motivate me. So that's what I, if they said that to me, I would just be like, dares don't motivate me so that's what i if they said that to me i would just be like dares don't motivate me so yeah see you never oh that's that's why you've never gotten cast in a cat food commercial oh this is good stuff what cat food commercial has the people eating it i mean it would be a pretty good one yeah if it was like food so good you'll eat it instead of the cat. That's a pretty good slogan. Yeah, it's like someone pushing the cat away.

No, no, no. It's mine. Get away. And they're eating it out of a crystal chalice. I did see, I saw like a cat litter commercial today with anthropomorphized cat in like a Western saloon. Oh, I saw that. I see.

It was so good. It's like one, it's like a kitty litter commercial isn't it like cat litter yeah yeah yeah yeah it was so good i was like that is good stuff yeah it was very good like he was a he was the fastest he in the west or something i don't know yeah yeah yeah i gotta go puke i gotta go pu. Well, thank you so much for joining us. Everybody out there, thank you very much for listening. You know, stay safe out there. Take care of one another.

And come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.