Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 655 - Charlie Demers

Episode Date: October 5, 2020

Comedian and writer Charlie Demers returns to talk about his new book Primary Obsessions, Halloween stores, and eye doctors.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everyone and welcome to episode number 655 of stop podcasting yourself my name is graham clark and as always i am joined by a man who would never stutter like i just did mr dave shumka but episode oh man you'll never live it down oh man and i had to do it on the eve of my presidential debate i know joe biden he's a he's a setterer and also he i'm sure his team was like whatever you do do not say malarkey you cannot say malarkey during any of the debates because did he he's used it a lot on the campaign but he did it's hogwash that's right

hogwash is the cool thing to say yeah yeah yeah um our guest today uh one of our all-time favorite guests uh he is a comedian he is a writer he is uh he is an actor he is um a bon vivant he is uh he has his own shoe shine business and uh he's here today with us it's mr charlie demers stop stammer time i'm just picking up on uh that's pretty good you've been away a long time graham maybe maybe you haven't heard i don't shine shoes no more oh well you know what go get your shine box and then you kill them yeah that's right then you go to your mom's house and eat spaghetti or whatever yeah and she explains yeah yeah you you look at that painting yeah the man with the two dogs yeah for those of you who don't know uh what uh movie we're referring to of course we are um

referring to martin scorsese's adaptation of the classic animaniacs segment good feathers good fellas well i was wondering where you were going it was quite a roll up to that heading straight to animaniacs town do we want to get to know us yeah get to know us charlie yes you have a new book coming out very very soon if not is it out already or it's out now it's out now in in actually across north america it will be um if there are um if there are bumpers in the united kingdom or jolly bumpers as i assume they must be any jolly bumpers will have to wait a little while longer uh they there is a uh there is a a british publisher but um it's it's going to be a little

bit later out there but uh available now um across north america is uh primary obsessions which is a it's a mystery novel and it's the first novel in a series. I've signed a contract to write two books, so maybe it'll be a series of two. I thought you didn't even have that contract. By saying it, you were manifesting a series of books. Is it the kind of thing where it's following, like following the same detective. Yeah. From book to book. Yeah. So the detective is based on my real life.

It's just based on my real life. So it's all crimes that can be solved from the couch. No, the detective is, is loosely inspired by my real life psychologist, who is a woman I've been seeing uh for close to like i mean 17 years or so uh wow and um how long have you been with your wife uh 15 years so yeah it's a there um let me tell you when I mix up the anniversary presents. She's the primary and Kara's the goomba.

Yes, exactly. It's Saturdays for therapy, but Friday nights is for the wife at the Copa. But yeah, no. So I've been in a clinical therapeutic relationship with this doctor for the much better part of 20 years. What does that set you back? She's been there through the whole thing. Before I had started doing stand-up before i had met kara before i mean like ever she's she's you know and and i've been there for you know since she was just kind of really like a a young psychologist and now she's this quite respected known person and in her field and and uh how respected could she be if she couldn't solve a problem like charlie yeah well i mean this is the thing

she if you come to her with multiple problems then it's like uh see i'm one of those i'm one of those series that doesn't have to worry about third season problems it's like where it's like yeah but what are we gonna do when he doesn't have obsessive compulsive disorder anymore that's when he's got general anxiety disorder and etc etc so um the the idea is that in each so it's uh to use the jargon of the trades in the uh mystery genre it's what's called an amateur sleuth. Because there's, basically, in the mystery world, there's police procedurals. Those follow the police. The band.

And then there's the private eye. That's like your classic Philip Marlowe, or who's the continental op op um bob hoskins dashiell hammett uh his guy um harry hall terry hall um and uh and then those are like uh they're not cops but they're also they're not quite just regular joes or regular janes

and then there's the amateur sleuth is in its own genre which is the person who gets drawn into solving a mystery sure and someone who's say written a bunch of murders and she wrote those murders and yeah now she has to solve them yeah and in what in some ways murder she wrote and then i guess in a way yeah okay no this all this sounds way better now nice good are we recording again yep so interestingly you know in the midst of a description of the amateur sleuth genre we kind of had a little amateur sleuthing of our own with the mystery of the echo it was like amateur sleuthing fun camp yeah yeah it was the bunny men who did it ah the echo yeah yeah just a fun little uh yeah that is fun of charlie how long does it take

a person to write a mystery book? Cause I think it sounds very hard. It sounds like the hardest book to write. Well, I, you know, I would, I would, uh, want to be more confident that I had done it well before I started saying how long it took to write. Like, uh, my mind immediately goes to um george costanza pretending to be an architect and then he says he did the addition on the guggenheim and then he

goes you know it didn't take that long either um i feel like i'm gonna say in three months three months you're in mystery town and people go well now we know why this stinks um but for me i would guess the writing like the planning writing editing all together probably about like a year and a half oh wow that's that's a lot shorter than i thought it would be yeah but keep in mind it's a 12 page book that's right sorry yes this is i, it is in the good night moon story universe. What? Like, I mean, the biggest hurdle was just legal. And then once we got, once you're in that sandbox.

Yeah. Well, it's that when you say good night, nobody good night mush. It's like, who's nobody. It could be anybody. Yeah. who's nobody it could be anybody yeah uh but it's it's a the thing with mysteries is um they're very i mean they're obviously very plot driven so so much of the work is front loaded in terms of um you know it's not like with a literary novel where you sit down and go i mean i've always thought it's pretty pretentious the way people talk you know where they go i just sit down and go, I mean, I've always thought it was pretty pretentious the way people talk, you know, where they go, I just sit down and the characters tell me

where we're going. But you, obviously you can't do that if you're trying to. Yeah, because what if the characters are like, we're out of here. This stinks. We don't want to hang out with you. Yeah, exactly. We're much cooler than you. much cooler than you um so uh i so yeah it's it's uh but but um like i'm supposed to be a lot further into the um sequel writing process than i currently am i probably shouldn't share

that on a public podcast but i um is that it's accurate, uh, because of COVID times, which it should be, you know, between B if you're a writer, comedian, you think, Oh, great.

Well, you can't be a comedian right now, but surely you can be a writer and you'd think that you'd be wrong. Yeah. I've written two books during this quarantine. Both of them don't make any sense. Kind of rambling about movies movies i've seen things like that i was so inspired by the phone book that i tried to write my own phone book and

i don't know it's it doesn't go anywhere i mean i know how it ends i start with the ending and i work backwards did when you were a kid did your parents have their own like their own phone books of of like hot numbers that they would need to access quickly naughty nurses naughty nurses waiting for you yeah uh they had a rolodex i think and like really a little maybe a little black book full of heidi flysis johns yeah no a little black book full of Heidi Fleiss's Johns. No, a little black book full of numbers. If I ever was like, my parents are at my aunt's house. I got to call my aunt. Better pick up this book. My parents are at

poison control. I just remember there being like either you know, like a menu book with all the like tabs oh i think that had a bunch of did you get that much takeout as a kid no but it had everybody's number and like you know friends of mine and stuff like that so that if anything went crazy i was very trackable i would have been one of those kids that had the chip put in its brain if that was available. Why brain? Can't they just do it between your shoulder blades?

I insist. Like even with animals, they don't put it in their brain. Oh, my dog's lost. Well, just send him the thought come home send him directions back to the house in his brain oh boy um but is that true about writing a mystery book as you start at the end and then work backwards or is that just who he i mean you should i think ideally you would want and you would want to know who your murderer is yes yeah um you don't you can't be surprised uh because i you know it'd probably be a bit of a mess to get to if you were like oh it was it was that it was that robot that it was invented in the second to last chapter that would indicate that you had problems from the outline process yeah and then they're

the your publishers are like how come there's only one robot in this universe and he is also the murderer yeah and, and also, don't you think it's a bit of a tip that you call him Murderbot? Yeah, when you introduce him in the second last chapter. Yeah, and then I have to explain. No, no, no, it's a French company. It's Merdebo.

Hey, how you doing, Murderbot? I've been here the whole time. I know. I would have gotten away with it if I had been programmed to get away with it. It was the fatal flaw in Murder Robot. I don't know if I've ever read a mystery. I've seen tons of mystery movies

and procedural tv shows but uh maybe i have but um did you yeah like i used to read encyclopedia brown and like that kind of like the kids mystery stuff and no i read encyclopedia brown note which was about a guy who solved crimes about a very unpopular guy who everywhere he goes people like don't speak don't speak famous note um yeah i i like i've read mysteries before but i just don't know how like i have no idea how somebody writes them they're easy to read so it makes it seem like it would read mysteries before, but I just don't know how I have no idea how somebody writes them. They're easy to read.

So it makes it seem like it would be easy to write. But in fact, I know that's not true. No, in fact, the like this was the most scared I've ever been writing something because it's the most. it's the, it's the, it's the genre of writing where there are the most like defined rules of like the audience has certain expectations of like, um, how the things are supposed to go.

And, uh, there's, so it's, it's, it, it, it's way less subjective whether or not you pull it off in in terms of how how uh an audience feels

as opposed to like if you're writing literary fiction or if you're writing humor uh you can say oh well this is just not your cup of tea whereas with with mystery novel it's a bit more uh there there are to quote walter so check this is not vietnam there are rules uh this is not literary fiction there are rules uh but um yeah no so it's it's um yeah it was it was quite uh it was very it was uh intimidating and do you are you ever worried that like uh oh people are gonna be able to guess who who did it like two pages in yeah i mean in fairness i'm always worried about everything yeah that's true um that's not really uh but yeah that's one of the the things you need to be on the lookout for as a yeah mystery guy

yeah um the one character can't be covered in blood when being interviewed yes yeah um but you know that's why you put your yourself in the hands of a great editor who says you know do you really think the name killin dylan is the best name for for this character um murder of a 60s folk singer this is fun yeah you're going electric electric chair that's the the the closing line delivered with a wink and uh go out on the zap there will be blood on the track murder tracks and it's your blood um the like because i watched uh when i was a kid i loved colombo because uh his whole thing is he was acting like a dumb guy and i was like i'm a dumb guy i enjoy this guy's perspective but then the last minute he would always have like he would just say oh one more thing and he'd like unravel the whole plot and it was that was the exact same shape to every single one of the episodes.

It's the exact same story over and over and over again. Yeah, I recorded a bunch of Columbo's but never got around to watching them. So I have a feeling some dumb guys are going to figure me out. How did you feel when they started tearing down statues of Columbo?

I mean, I used to go to the colombo day parade we would all you know smoke cigars yeah wear trench coats have one eye we would all have one eye for the day that's when i realized that popeye really it does only have one eye yeah that's right i just realized that when you said it yeah yeah i was today years old how has that not gone the way of shut the front door or whatever how is that that's still happening i was this day years old that stinks what's wrong with shut the front door oh that's been out oh man it gives me all the feels yeah see you next tuesday it's giving me life

i just uh yeah i feel like those those phrases now come into and out of existence so much faster than like it used to be like you'd you'd have something like that would uh so i wrote a thing like that would exist for but now it goes earnest ironic meta ironic meta super ironic that cycle is within like nine days and then it just disappeared yeah like i've never heard someone say i was today years old out loud i've only ever read it on a tweet i was today years i uh oh it's awful so back in the day like something like was up that just lasted for like an entire year and we all had to do it we all had to anytime somebody did it you had to do it back to them what's up to you also yes and to your

you and yours yeah and it was great not guys i we today they released the new borat trailer and i feel like we're uh about to witness a renaissance there's really a new borat yeah holy moly that seems i mean what's what's really impressive about borat i feel like i've said this before on the podcast or maybe i just there's so many paragraphs in my life that start with that phrase what's really impressive about borat but he made like the the phrase my wife comes up in regular human conversation yeah ten thousand times a day like it's not it's not cowabunga or yeah you know uh party on dude like it's and he owns it you cannot say it or hear it said without going like were you borat yeah yeah my wife passed

away uh last spring but like is it's one of those things where when did that come out like a long time ago right 14 years i think 14 years I don't for comedy I never know if people are clamoring for a new version or a second installment they're never clamoring

for it a decade later yeah like I think if Zoolander 2 and Anchorman 2 and whatever the next season

of Arrested Development taught us anything yeah Zoolander 2 wasn't even timed in a way where you could go like at least bill and ted's it's like we are now old enough to have kids who we could show who are the same age as we were when we saw the first bill and ted like yeah yeah zoolander was timed like a half generation off like like who was that that sequel aimed at

i don't know but i remember justin bieber was in the opening scene and i was like this does not bode well for the rest of the movie that they're pinning their hopes on justin bieber in an acting role which he also did what is this a movie for ants? A-U-N-T-S? Charlie, are you eating chips over there? I'm eating a pear. Sorry. You cut up a pear? Yeah. That's like you're some kind of Greek mythological creature.

Yeah. Yeah. It's not a great podcast snack. It came into my yard and ate all my pears. I just now have these like just outrageously slippery fingers now and um that was the other rolling stones album it's the cure for a sticky finger. Slippery fingers. Oh, man.

Yeah, it's a pear. I love it. I don't know the last time I had a pear. I don't frequent the pear aisle. I guess they have their own aisle in my grocery store in my imagination. There's two of them. No, I mean, I think it's, who is it? Is it Proust? Or some famous French man said, like, a pear is like 11 seconds where you can eat it.

Oh, yeah. And somehow I caught this one. And I also married a woman who, I married a woman, my wife, who. Yes, yes. is uh you know is a i would say a 98 percent normal like so much more normal than if you said to me in a high school like oh how normal do you think your wife is going to be like i never in a million years would have guessed like oh yeah she she listened to like 98 degrees in high school like just normal normal woman but eats fruit and three weeks before it's ripe like just like eats a pear the consistency of like a an apple on an autumn day like i just crunch into it so i never get to eat fruit that i wait um she'll eat a peach like that she'll eat a peach like a lacrosse

ball yeah peaches i've had some really bad luck with peaches this year like i've had ones that i got that were rock hard and i'm like okay let's let them soften up and they never do they just like get saggy skin around them but they stay hard inside i i've had nothing but luck with peaches this year i've done every peach i've had uh was fantastic and uh i can't say the same about oranges i had a rough summer with oranges oh really yeah because you think you can leave them a long time and you can but if you leave them a day past that long time they are awful and usually moldy i had an apple yesterday uh because i'm trying to keep this doctor away and i just they keep coming after me but apples are like garlic to them um and uh i was like oh the apple had been in the fridge a couple weeks and i was like, oh, the apple had been in the fridge a couple of weeks. And I was like, how old is the, I Googled like,

how old is an apple when you buy it in the store? And they're over a year old. They were over a year ago. So if you're eating an apple, you're like, and you're like, oh, 2020 is the worst year. Eat a 2019 apple. Yeah, that's true. It's like, it's like a wine.

An apple is like a wine and if you leave it in a bag long enough it'll become alcohol and then you can get wasted yeah if you stomp on it and it'll uh and you fall out of the bucket it'll be on the news clips forever now uh i can see in the background you have a shelf all the books in the background there have you you or your wife or you and your wife read every one of those books or they're just some really attractive books up there yeah not remotely um no in fact more and more i'm getting into a place where once I've read a book it leaves the house like um so

no this is just hoarding I'm assuming that the next wave you know well toilet paper will be fine but you won't be able to get good literature and if all else fails you can use that literature as toilet paper.

As toilet paper, yeah. No, I have a bit of a slightly compulsive relationship with book buying. I mean, you've seen this up close, you more than Dave, because you and I have traveled more together for work. And I, when we go to a place, always go to the bookstore in a, in a city. And that's true. And I go to the porn emporium. Yeah.

And ideally those are the same place. And then we don't have to make two trips. Yeah. Uh, but, uh, it's, um, and I, I, I overbuy and I, and I have pretty bad reading hygiene. Like I dip in and out of books. Yeah. Um, so, uh, especially with nonfiction books, I'll, I'll have a lot of them going at once and then often not finish them.

Um, that's my big thing. I can't finish a book. Yeah. But I like it to a point i like having them around and then i read this interview with umberto echo where he said because he had like 30 000 books and he said it was umberto echo from umberto echo and the buddy men yes Yay! Yeah, so he said anytime people would come over to his house, they would ask him if he had read all the books,

and he would say no. And he had a concept of the library, the library and the anti anti library and your anti library is all the books that remind you everything you'll never know. Oh, uh, like, um, the term for it is Socratic ignorance. Hmm.

I feel like I've been blessed with that. Yeah. Uh, you were today years old when, uh, yeah. When you learned your Socr sacral ignorance have you ever seen the guy uh who he's like a like a self-help guy on youtube who has a youtube video where he's in

his garage and he's got like lamborghinis he says yeah i'm proud of these cars but i'm more proud of this wall full of books. Yeah. Yeah. No, I mean, this guy sounds right up my alley. Yeah. He's your kind of guy. Yeah.

I think you'd really like him. Knowledge. He says knowledge. He really puts the mustard into knowledge. I'm proud of all the knowledge. What happened to that guy? He probably is in jail or something right now. That's good. That seems like that's the right ending to his story. I think he probably crashed his car into the books and got buried under a pile of them

it's like principal skinner bouncing a basketball from underneath les miserables um i never thought in my adult life i know we've talked about lamborghinis not too distant past but i never thought i would be seeing lamb Lamborghinis sometimes several times a week, just driving around as commuter vehicles. Yeah. It's a, a,

a very popular car here. Yeah. Right. The, the, the whole thing about a Lamborghini to me is there's no, it's just the car, an idiot seven-year-old given like a pen and you go draw,

draw like a, like that's anytime I see them, I look at them and I think you had no evolution in your aesthetic taste between age seven and whenever you bilked seniors out of hundreds of thousands of dollars or whatever. However, you got your Lamborghini money, like whatever you said, like not that there's anything more ethical about spending Lamborghini money on a Bentley or whatever, but at least it looks like a car for grown-ups. Yes. Whereas a Lamborghini looks like something an addled seven-year-old would draw right before

falling asleep in the back of a car on a trip. And I have never seen somebody gracefully exit a Lamborghini. It seems like you have to do one leg at a time. The roof's very low and the paparazzi are shooting up my skirt snap and a clam remember no that was i i like i um there was some early uh episode uh and i forget what we disavowed all our early content well but graham was asking you and i

like predictions of the about the future so i don't know if it was like uh if we were it was like a we were coming up on a new year's eve or something like that but one of the questions was what do you think are the chances that the term snap and a clam would become popular slang for paparazzi shooting? Like, upskirt Lamborghini getting out of the car shot. Right. And I thought, well, now that you've said it, the chances are 100%. Yeah. But it never caught on.

It's hard.'s uh so so many people coming up with catchphrases it's hard to keep pace yeah especially well i think that might have been something that like was it went from earnest to ironic to beyond ironic yeah in the course of misha barton's career ouch i don't know i was trying to think of who might be stepping out of a Lamborghini in 2008. Yeah, this guy makes Misha Barton look like Tim Burton. I don't know what situation that quip might describe, but keep it in your quiver. Yeah. What was... Snapping a quiver.

Where was Misha Barton from? The OC. Theer the oc yes that's not the eyebrows guy which i was the he was oh yeah peter gallagher was was one of the peter yes yeah yeah he was he was uh that was after he finished with all the fruit finished with all the fruit oh no i'm sorry you're gonna have to use the comedian the the watermelon oh gallagher yes sorry i um because then and there was a much music vj named gallagher who dan gallagher dan gallagher yeah yeah so when i was a kid that's who i thought everyone meant when they said gallagher like right yeah to me the most famous gallagher and then i you know quickly learned he was the least famous gallagher i watch i've watched several of his specials who the comedian gallagher yeah gallagher and he does

one special where he's on roller skates the whole time and he's gliding across the stage and doing different punch lines and different parts of the stage and i was like if a hip comedian today did that it would blow up the internet for a whole week like everybody would love this special so much the roller skating special but you know gallagher did it first is what i'm saying yeah yeah well we watched uh fatal attraction a few weeks ago and michael douglas's character's name is dan gallagher and oh wow so dan gallagher wasn't even the most famous dan gallagher for one for the year that fatal attraction was out it was that other one oh man what must have really messed with his google alerts 1987 yeah oh somebody's uh uh google alert when oh yeah sorry i was just when that mobster got killed in

um in in hamilton uh like a month and a half ago this guy from the the the in drangetta the like basically the the hamilton mafia in in ontario he got and i just thought like um lin-manuel miranda is reading his google alerts and he's just what the hell is how did this get into my because i just figure he's got his hamilton google alert and all of a sudden he's got this guy getting shot in ontario and uh what was his name aaron aaron burr was his name yes the name of the mobster but i i think there's this uh there's a soccer player over in england named graham clark and i think every once in a while he gets a Google alert. That's me.

Like once every six months or something. Right. And he must be either mocking me or just wondering if he did that in his sleep. Cause he's such an overachiever. He's such an overachiever. I am. Maybe I'm right, dude. It's just here I was at the fringe.

I was reading from the phone book. Look at this, love. Is there a narcoleptic detective? I've got a little... I've got a podcast. That's really good. It's a really good accent. And those are Graham's achievements.

Thank you. I'd say I have to say I'm most proud of me Canadian Comedy Award yeah the I forget what we were talking about I've lost the thread Dan Gallagher what happened to all the VJ's I forget what we were talking about. I've lost the thread. Dan Gallagher. Yeah.

Oh, I was going to say, what happened to all the VJs? Where did they all end up? The MuchMusic VJs? The MuchMusic VJs, yeah. Do you want me to go through all of them? Dave, I would love it. Denise Donlan, I just heard from Denise Donlan. Denise Donlan, one of the originals on MuchMusic.

She was the head of something at CBC. She was the head of English language services at CBC for a little while. And she was the head of Sony Canada. And she's married to Murray McLachlan. They've been married for many decades. And she wrote her memoirs a couple years ago. Just like a sentence on every ago. Okay, yeah. Just like a sentence on every person.

Yeah, no. But so, yes. No, she'd do them all. That's my VJ report. Let's see. Erica M is, I don't know. They all just host radio shows in Eastern Canada. There was a couple that went to Hollywood,

and then I never got to hear from them again. Uh, Rachel Perry, Rachel Perry, Rick, the temp ended up on, uh, entertainment tonight.

Yeah. Yes. He's, he's desperately trying to shake the name, Rick, the temp for his whole life. Oh, really? Yeah.

Oh, sorry. That'll be in his obituary obituary is death, the temp or something like that. Death, death comes for temp. Um, the,

uh, yeah, uh, I, uh i you know master t uh and married roxy they're living good they're living far away now master t but wasn't bradford bradford he he went down to the states and i never heard of a bradford anyone i like bradford bradford how my good friend bernadette was in the competition that year when he won oh wow uh but but bernie was uh and we she was my roommate for a while and uh uh she was in that and that was like kind of one of the first of those things that of like submit your video do your uh and she did a blair witch uh project yes spoof which she then found out that that's what at like 40 percent of the people who submitted that year did um by the yeah bradford how that's right yeah the uh that is like trying to i can't even imagine trying to explain to a kid what a vj was or did because they weren't picking those videos they were just introducing them

in different formats over the day right that was yeah but that seems and like the same host would host you know just like regular video flow yeah too much for much and yeah they would host, you know, just like regular video flow. Yeah, too much for much. Yeah, they would host too much for much. They would host an intimate and interactive. Yes, yes. There was also Music Plus. So there'd be like an all French two hour. No, well, Music Plus was its own channel.

French Kiss. French Kiss. That's right. Which was hosted by Ziggy. That's right. which was hosted by Ziggy. That's right. Oh, and Avi Lewis is from,

and he hosted the new music. The new music? And then that was Stromalopoulos after him. Yeah, and Jeannie Becker was before him. Avi Lewis is married to Naomi Klein. And Jeannie Becker ended up on fashion television. That was where she

hung out for many, many years. many guys can we stop this no one cares no like we care we care and we love it like sometimes we'll say something uh niche and we'll be like there's like four people out there who care zero people care i don't even care i think bradford probably. So I think he would be very stoked. Bradford, come on the show. What about Ed the Sock? Was he a VJ? Ed the Sock. And he's sort of the anti-Rick the Tempest. He's leaning right into the I'm name the noun.

Yes. Forever. That's right. That's right. He was the opposite. He had two sides to that coin. I think he follows me on Twitter. Yeah?

At the Sock. Yeah. He used to make fun of things at the end of the year that's what i remember he would do like a new year's eve thing he would make fun of all the videos they had that year yeah fromage oh wow now let's talk about today's special oh god just kidding somebody did post a thing in somewhere facebook group about today's special and i there's a part of me who thought that that was a fever dream that it didn't ever really happen in my lifetime but but it obviously did somebody else has seen it and so it's not inception with the amazing thing about uh when you because then jeff hislop was then the phantom of the opera

for the all the canadian uh and i think he may even have done some of the here's what i'm getting to god damn it guys because because for anyone our age it was like oh the guy from uh today's special is the Phantom of the Opera. Whereas for him, he's just like, no, that's stop calling me Rick the Damned. I'm in the Phantom of the Opera now. I'm not today's special. I played a mannequin for six months on a fucking TV show that I got for when I was just starting out. I'm the Phantom of the the opera now but he wants

people to address him as the phantom of the opera yeah please you bow when you so when you meet the phantom you will bow and you will say charmed i'm sure yeah don't say take off that mask let me see what's under the mask yeah now are you see are you just the phantom of this opera or just opera in of all opera no i guess i'm sort of the phantom of this opera house yeah yeah and i'm phantom at the disco so those are the two phantoms i am panic at the opera um uh dave what's going on with you man well before we get on to me one more time name of your book charlie yes the name of the book is uh primary obsessions uh so it's the first of the annick udrow uh mysteries so it is on sale uh it's been on sale in canada since september 26

and it is available in the united states as of october 3rd so that is primary obsessions available wherever books are legal any any pudro is that a uh is your um psychologist french canadian she's acadian yeah do you do you do your sessions in french um uh we sprinkle them with joelle i uh no so the woman she's based on is actually acadian and uh i often liken our um uh relationship uh as uh doctor and patient to when dr melfi asks asks Tony why she chose him. And he says, they gave me a list of two Jews and a Paisan like me. So what do you expect? But that's not really.

I didn't choose her from a list of other. By way of Soprano's reference, this is how I get to the end of the story. Which you planned first and then we got back around to it. Yeah. But yes, she is French-Canadian, and we may sprinkle little Frenchisms here and there, but no, all of our therapy is in English. I also want to point out that Charlie is in season three of This Sounds Serious.

He's in episode six, which comes out this week, I think within hours of this episode dropping. And Charlie plays a French-Canadian film editor who's the performance of the season. Yeah. Oh, thank

you. I'm very excited to hear that. A headitor is Yes, a headitor. But, oh, that's very exciting. I'm... I can't wait to hear it. I'm the only one here with nothing to plug. So, you know what I'll say?

Check out the local Spirit Halloween store in your town. Well, that's what I want to talk about. That's what I wanted to... That's my topic for the week. Beautiful. What a segue. On... So, this weekend... So for the week beautiful what a segue um on uh so this weekend so are the kids uh we're we're six months into lockdown yeah and we're always what's that what

oh there was this there's a big uh scary bug outside and you're not at least the guy who doesn't he has no idea he's just getting to the front of the grocery store line up faster yeah just once i got off social media uh no i did i did have all kinds of fantasies about like remember how it was like 2014 and comedians would still preface their facebook bits with like, so any of you folks here on Facebook? Yeah, it's for work. I was just dying to hear the first comedian in the summer be like, so you folks heard about this coronavirus?

It's true. But yes, so your kids are getting ready for Halloween? Thanks for setting me up. Beautiful. No, we're just, we've run out of things to do. I understand you recently were in Hawaii. We've run out of things to do. So we, you know, the, like, I mean, everything was closed for months and then they reopened a few things

and like the aquarium was open for a while and you had to like book a session there. And then the... It was bad because all the water was kept in a boil. Yeah. It was the only way. But it was delicious. It was the Vancouver hot pot.

Yeah. They changed the name. And then because of that, Red Lobster went out of business. So it was as vancouver hotpot yeah they changed the name and then because of that red lobster went out of business so it's as real uh and like the science museum was the same you had to open you had to like book a time and we're just like uh for a long time uh playgrounds were closed and there was nothing to do with kids uh but now there's more to do. But then I noticed that the Spirit Halloween store opened up. Hell yeah. And I was like, this will just like I told Margo, we're going to the Halloween store.

You're going to love it. We're not buying anything. Yeah. You just got Halloween is over a month away. You got to step on a thing and a scary thing will pop out. That's all we did. We were like, OK okay we'll go through this path you step on this and we can try out all the scary things yes it was like a museum of spookiness

did did you find them scary or did she find them hilarious because she has no context for who you know the it clown is yeah she's never seen a non-scary clown, so it's not scary to her. It's not like there's no tinge of normalcy to clowns. So, like, yeah, there's nothing in our time that's been made that we think is okay that's then turned into a murdering. Except VJs. Now I'm scared of VJs. I mean, peanut butter sandwiches are pretty deadly to their generation. So you step on a button and a Peter, a jelly sandwich comes out of you.

Oh boy. No, we went through and the spiders are the scary, like not for her, like she's fine, whatever. She was expecting everything. But the spiders, like everything else is so tall it's imposing right spiders come at you from below and it's just the and the things don't come at you right when you step on the the whatever activates them right um but is it because you know that a thing's coming it makes makes it scary? Like, why was Margo not scared?

Because she just doesn't know to be scared by them? I don't know. Like, that's because that was the purpose of our going was just to see them. Right. Yeah. No, I love it. I love it. Every year I go to the Halloween store, like at least once a week, just to walk around, hang out, get spooked. This is what I love about this time of year

um there were a lot of uh there were three different police costumes for child for like little girls like never mind the boy police costumes but there was there were three separate like one has a skirt one is just like regular pants and everything and one's officer cutie so it's like hard to decide like if your if your daughter wants to be a police officer for christmas it's like christmas yeah well no we're not i told her we have to save up for these things. We're not doing Halloween this year. Hey, you got a broken light on your manger, I noticed. I mean, I would be way more into Christmas if it involved some kind of costuming.

Yeah. Is Halloween your favorite? Of the weird kind of made-up holidays? Yeah, I think it's my go-to as opposed to the holidays that occur naturally in nature the holidays that we found geologically and then there's the ones that we came up with this human being cavemen were uh unthawed with a party hat on and they're like what were they celebrating mammoth day every day is mammoth day um charlie uh you're a dad now how's halloween shaping up yeah well i just, speaking of little girls and the police, I guess I had been making fun of our dog the last time the dog got a haircut.

And now Josephine this time is just saying what she heard me say last time, but other kids don't get the reference at all. So our dog just got a haircut haircut yesterday so her hair is very short and then josephine is at the monkey bars at our co-op with the other kids she's like pointing at luna our dog and goes she looks like a cop and what the hell is she talking about um yeah i mean the the the uh costume talk has started but it's it's scary because it's like so there's there's uh there's video this video of uh me on on christmas on Christmas Eve 1984 when you could you could rent video recorders from 7-Eleven yeah and so my we rented a video recorder twice that year to record my brother's first birthday and then Christmas to send the tape to the family in Quebec. And so at one point, my mom is interviewing me on, I'm on the stairs sitting with my dad and she says, so what do you think Santa's going to bring you tonight?

And I start naming all this stuff that I have not mentioned before. And you see my dad's eyes kind of, first they kind of click up like, oh, that didn't come up. And then as I just get further and further into the list of things I am expecting, my dad just starts laughing and falls down behind me laughing. And my mom says, so all these things that you never mentioned before tonight. And so that seems to be like, because you ask Josephine, what do you want to be for Halloween? And in the span of 15 minutes, you'll get eight different answers. So you don't, you're trying to judge, like, when do we commit to this answer and say, like, no, this is what we're, this is what we're doing because you said this. Also, we have no idea what this is going to look like. What are we doing?

Maybe Halloween is just going to be you waving outside the neighbor's house. Maybe it's going to be you who waving outside the neighbor's house uh maybe it's going to be on zoom um so for a while it looked like we were going to be in toronto on halloween at a rescheduled um wedding for uh my wife's cousin and josephine was supposed to be a flower girl and she's been like looking forward to being the flower girl and she's been like looking forward to being the flower girl at this wedding for like more than a year yeah and then when they told her it was gonna be on halloween she looks at me like oh fuck i'm gonna trick-or-treat like yeah just immediately like yeah we're trick-or-treating we're thinking of like i was like okay here's the i mean what what are the things you want to get

out of halloween candy we can get you the candy right yeah uh costume you can wear a costume wear a costume around other people let's pump the brakes on that yeah yeah yeah apple bobbing 100 no chance yeah um yeah i don't like as a kid if you just brought me a lot of candy and i got 100% no channel. Yeah, I don't, like, as a kid, if you just brought me a lot of candy and I got to sit around in a Superman costume all day, I would love that. Yeah, like, I'm thinking that might be it. Yeah, I mean, it sounds perfect to me. A no-step-count Halloween. Yeah, exactly.

Superman with a pedometer not to be confused with what you usually need on halloween a pedometer uh which is uh measures if there are um dangerous men yeah yes i would have also accepted a pez-o-meter yes how much that's a much more uh wholesome joke can i uh have a do-over uh nope uh superman's pedometer is actually really low because like he's like oh i mean jeez i i did four steps but i did them over four tall buildings yeah his step count is four but his flights yeah because it's flying oh god i don't want to be flying exercise i don't want to be a white guy in glasses too late too late you're already there uh does flying count as exercise uh like how many calories is this guy burning on a day-to-day basis i somehow got down a rabbit hole about who what superhero could beat what superhero and the conclusive uh agreement everybody has is that if superman fought wonder woman she would

kill him because he's just a guy who's strong and she's a person who's like strong and also is trained as a warrior whereas superman's just like some strong guy that just floats around and doesn't have any training whatsoever so you can see what I've been doing for the last week. Oh boy. Oh boy. Alright, we're not talking about this. The other

thing. Which VJ do you think could fight which superhero? Bradford would come out on top as far as I'm concerned. You think Steve Anthony could beat Batman? Like, who would win in a fight? Batman's not a feature. The Flash and Master Chief.

Sook-Yin Lee. Yeah. Yes. The other thing that's happening is we were watching TV. The other thing that's happening. Did were watching tv the other thing that's happening uh did you get a little i mean when you're here you're family the other thing that's happening is the other day we were watching tv and i was like ah i tried to show the girls et a few weeks ago and they just weren't

I tried to show the girls ET a few weeks ago and they just weren't like, they were just a little too slow. And it's, it, it did. It was the wrong time to show it to them. And so I didn't want to make that mistake with other things. Cause I feel like there's certain movies. There's nothing jarring about how the people dress to come in,

to get ET at the end of the movie. They're just like, yeah, those are just people in regular clothes. And we didn't make it to the end of the movie. There's nothing cute about E.T. either. And like kids now are used to such a level of cuteness. They saw him and they said, he looks horrible.

I thought he would look better than that. Yeah. But everything. Lovable scrotum with a neck and everything in the 80s was like filthy that way it was just like their cute characters were filthy and new york was filthy and this is all you got to see of the outside slimyest decade so i didn't want to make he came he came from the 80s uh i didn't want to make that mistake with like i was like uh i bet they would really love the princess bride in two years yes yeah like um and i was like what would they like and then i saw that uh uh honey i shrunk the kids

was on oh yeah uh it was on disney plus and i was like well that's the they'll either like it or they don't i don't care like i have no idea like hey maybe it sucks and that's fine and so we watched it and i forgot i had seen it i must have seen it like five times because i i am i remember seeing it maybe twice in the theater but there were so many things that like came back to me very strongly like in my mind i'm trying to remember what is honey i shrunk the kids it's like uh uh baseball makes the shrinking machine work yeah they get shrunk giant cheerio giant cheerio giant ant giant ant giant oreo oh yeah wow the dog's hearing is what that yeah the dog hearing the whistles i didn't remember that uh matt frewer is the neighbor it used to bug my dad so much that the dad uh like the neighbor

dad puts on his hat at the end after getting resized back up and his hat doesn't fit my dad thought that was a real cheap joke at the expense of the reality of the movie. Cause he was like, so what are you saying? The kids are not back to their normal size. Like, yeah,

exactly. What are you doing here? And that's, that's why they skipped comic con. Cause people were always asking, but I was watching it and I was like, Oh, I,

I don't remember. Uh, like I, I was too young to like have and I was like, Oh, I, I don't remember. Uh, like I, I was too young to like have a crush that like carried on. But I think for the 90 minutes, this movie was on, I had a crush on the older sister. And then the moment the movie was over,

I forgot she existed until now. And I had this weird nostalgic crush in front of my family. Yeah, exactly. Jesus Christ. So did you enjoy it upon rewatching? Yeah. Yeah. Like it's, uh, it, uh, as someone who doesn't like movies where everything's on a green

screen, I like that it's so, uh, kind of like, you know, hacked together. Like you can tell. Like they had to make those things they had to make those those things but also like there's forced perspective in ways that doesn't really work all the time and yeah but it's fine for kids yeah but is it like is it one to re-watch or or is it no not for you nah you're right although i am curious to know how the ants look the ants are that was my crush when i when i came across uh rick moranis like as an as a young adult like on sctv and that was like just it was just so because i mean he was so so funny on that show like and not in a goofball like funny for kids or funny but like just like a funny funny funny guy

and and and there was to it was just i remember that being such a revelation it was it was like it was like uh seeing miles davis and like you had first seen him like playing the theme song for uh mr rogers neighborhood or something like that like it was just so bizarre the because i was like he's the honey i shrunk the kids dad yeah yeah yeah but then on sctv he was just all of these amazing like he he was one of the most unsung guys of that show of i guess he's bob and doug mckenzie like he's uh but yeah he's still i think he's still an underappreciated uh star because he's like jerry todd like just these weird characters awesome in that new cell phone commercial yes it's going to do cell phone commercial it's all things are all coming together rick moranis wise yeah yeah i really loved that movie as a kid honey i shrugged

the kids i remember seeing it at station square and i like i i remember yeah that was just like when i think of going to the movies as a kid like in the theaters that's one of the first movies that i think of i think of like that year i think it was 1989 and that summer i think i was that's the year i just kind of became aware of movies uh like that you could go out and see them i had been to movies before but like i was like oh like you you could look in the newspaper and see oh batman's playing yeah yeah as it was uh in 1989 if you'll remember i mean uh tim burton was so young he looked like a young misha barton there we go snapping a clamp um yeah so uh i recommend honey i shrunk the kids to anyone who's eight or

younger yeah because i was eight when that came out and i was like i never saw honey i blew up the kids i didn't i saw it it was stink yeah i never was like i gotta see any of these again but i feel like that's the that's where all the money for the actors in a thing gets made. Is the first thing they get paid just whatever. And then they say, okay, well now the second thing I'm gonna get whatever I want. Because they need

me as, you know, Rick Moranis the dad, whatever his character's name was. Lyle something? Wayne Zielinski. Because they only have one of the kids it's just mickey is it mickey the kid with the glasses yeah and he's the only one in honey i blew up the kid no it's their bait they have another baby yeah yeah they have a baby but he's the only kid from the first movie who's in the sea i'm not sure about that because did you make margo watch

the sequel as well yeah we were and all of the like uh disney properties that there's like a you had to watch the epcot center and you blew up the good world video um uh, what's up with you? Um, uh, well, first of all, first of all, I saw the sequel to honey. I blew it or honey. I shrunk the kid and it was not even, it was not even one 100th as fun. Get blowing something up is not fun going small and, and be able to like, what's the one inner space, the one where they get injected into somebody's body? Yeah. That's the best.

No, no, no. You're thinking of the magic school bus. Yes, that's right. I grew up with that. You're right. He was in Honey, I Blew Up the Kid. And then he never worked again. Because he never had to.

Because he got that sequel money. Yeah, that's right. He's a real Charlie Corsmo. Do you remember Charlie Corsmo? Yeah, he was like a Wil Wheaton type. Yeah, he played... Charlie Corsmo played the kid in Dick Tracy and the son in Hook.

I know exactly who you're talking about. And may have done one or two other things. And I think now he's like some uh right wing lawyer and uh blog podcast guy or something he was always sickly looking and looked like what it would look like if a kid was an air traffic controller that's what i always thought of him whenever i saw him his eyes were sunken and he looked constantly worried in Dick Tracy. Well, he was a starving kid. Yeah, I know. But that's all I can think of him as, you know?

Oh, man. Oh, kid air traffic controllers. How has that movie not been made? Another plane crashed. Yeah. I tried to push the tin, but I failed. Ronald Reagan broke our union. Oh, boy.

Yeah, so this week I had a real old man thing happen to me which i has not happened in a long time is i threw my back out just like opening a fridge and uh so it seemed like something was building i guess in my body and they were like now's the time as he's trying to get the butter uh so i threw on my back and had to lie on the floor a bunch because that's i don't know what you're else you're supposed to do in movies that's what they do yeah what did you do on my back and had to lie on the floor a bunch because that's, I don't know what else you're supposed to do in movies. That's what they do. Yeah. On your back or on your front?

On my back. It squishes my nards if I go on the front. Have someone walk on your back when you're on your front. You got to pay so much for that service though. Have someone walk on your nards when you're on your front. Yeah. That's where they really get you so have either of you thrown at your back um i i yeah there's nothing but yeah i mean it's it's i mean i would say like shoulders bad foot is bad because those are both like you there's not much you can do to

rest them right for me if i was going to rank them i'd go head shoulders knees and toes yes but but back is just like uh the whole um uh you know central uh you know central authority goes out on strike yeah yeah but back is out you're you're gone man yeah exactly so it's just kind of it was like only for the rest of that day but it was like uh i was like this is this is an old man problem that i'm having here this is not young people are not throwing out their backs opening fridges although i think it happened to me like quite early like i think as a teenager i was like this should not be happening oh that's not good i remember like being very early 20s and sleeping like having a bad sleep or and woke up and just like couldn't turn my neck and i'm like well who knew who knew you

needed your neck yeah i remember being like 19 and doing a tiktok about sciatica it's funny because like even when you said is episode number 655 it was like holy shit i remember when they started this thing and i can't believe and it's like wow man life has changed so much since uh all and then it's like so what's going on with you i threw my bag out when i was opening my uh liver pills i was having my liver pills. I was having my third round of deli meat for the day. Do you have gout as well? Yeah. I threw up my back and I was without gout.

And the other thing that I did. let's let's we have well let's talk about your back oh well it's all better now no i didn't take a pill i just like i i laid on the floor for a while smoked some of uh some of nature's best mother nature's green ganja yeah am i talking like one yeah as the as the cool kids would say um yeah and then uh now it's fine but now it's just countdown to when it happens again you know yeah have you uh you're talking lower back yeah hell yeah you ever get upper back with this it was lower and upper yeah like in general lower barely nowhere I barely know her back. Okay. But I, yeah, I've had lower back. That's just hurts all the time.

That's just life. Just have lower back problems always. But upper back, yikes. You don't know what to do. Yeah. It's like, oh, how do I get? I can't even reach my bra strap. Yeah, exactly.

Let alone take it off. Normally I can do that under my t-shirt boys and also does anyone need a cherry stem to start tied into a knot i do all the horny things does anybody need a chair yes they do need that yes we're trying to um save a mouse who's fallen into a yes can you make a harness for a mouse does anyone have a knotted cherry stem just give me the cherry. I can do it. So that's number one old man thing.

Number two old man thing is that I'm the only one here not wearing glasses. And all of a sudden, I've come into a bit of insurance money. So I... Not life insurance, I hope. No, no. But I have an insurance plan, and they added a new level to it and so now i have optometrist money so for the first time i've never been to the optometrist my whole life for the first time i'm like planning to go and here's what i didn't realize about optometrists is so many of the optometrists have silly names for their business they're the only

doctor that it seems that has silly names oh boy um i guess if you don't count hairdressers as doctors can i guess one is one of them called apt pupil from that movie don't go to that yeah he's a nazi yeah oh yeah and you know what's worse is if you go see a fascist then you can not see so there's not no there's not one called app puable but oh there's not okay there's three in this city that i wrote down and then i just went online to find other ones but there's one called fyi and ye yeah fyi does it have a picture of murphy brown on it yes she's wearing glasses and i guess it would be miles silverberg miles handing her glass his glasses to her um ipod is one on uh here unacceptable unacceptable and it's spelled i

it is yeah like there's no mistaking what it is and then uh there's one i like the letter i no no no the i yeah and then uh there's one on outside of town called optimize and it's eyes in there optimize oh does it have optimus prime as a wearing a pair of readers let me look the spectacons come on guys focus there was one in alberta called specs in the city which i thought is the best one so far yeah yeah is it's that a glasses store or an optometrist that's an optometrist okay because it's one in kingston called everything gonna be iris yes and the last one i looked up was one that was called isis and i was like well that's badly that's unfortunate for you guys but hey uh because we went up to nelson uh at the beginning of july end of june and uh there's this like

you know new agey kind of aromatherapy store whatever like called isis up there um like named after the egyptian god and they just they just held out through all of ISIS being what it was in the, well, there was, they had some good ideas. Yeah. Yeah. That's right.

Well, you got to admire the stick to it. iveness of just some hippie and Nelson with a, with like a, like a Roma wax candle shop going i think we'll be around longer than isis yeah from isis people know people know they know the worthy egyptian god uh what about osiris no we're not gonna switch i don't align with osiris's values just uh when i used to live in uh my old neighborhood there was a grocery store that i think just picked a logo out of a book

that they didn't know what it meant but it was the it was the logo of the ss and uh i think somebody came in and told them yeah somebody told them what it was grocery store. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And they scraped off one of the S's to make it okay. Oh, wow. I used to wonder about that store all the time. Yeah, I think they just picked a cool logo that they liked visually.

And then somebody obviously was like, it's not as cool as you might hope. Yeah. Yeah. Or the other one is like if you see a store that says like 88 store and you're like, well, either that's a Chinese family's store or those are white supremacists who've been in prison. Oh. Because 88 is the Heil Hitler code numbers numbers or maybe it's a maybe a piano store or it may have started in 1988 yeah it could be a story that's selling stuff from the

calgary olympics yes the biggest thing that happened that year as far as i'm concerned um cool running so absolutely i uh so that's all that's all i have of what i'm uh what i'm up to what's happened well are you have you been have so you looked have you are you going to get your eyes checked yes uh i'm gonna go to ipod and uh really in the next couple weeks yeah because they were the to me the silly the right blend between silly and uh serious, serious, serious. Exactly. I didn't want to go to a serious optometrist. No, they're all like, if there's fun ones,

cause they, dentists don't do that. Dentists don't have a wacky name for that. It's always just so-and-so MD or PhD or whatever they're called. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, I thought I saw,

but where did I see a dentist place the other day that had like a, like we're a fun dentist. Full cavity search. I mean, go to iPod. A guy with a brush. Go to iPod, Graham. But, you know, don't let them just, you know, once you've made the appointment, don't let them just you know once you've made the appointment don't let them shuffle you around yes thank you uh uh what i was trying to think of a uh um yeah i know you yeah uh you know uh don't don't mess with my tiny ital grandpa. That's a big nano.

He did it again. Dave, are you trying to find the name of this funny dentist? Yeah, but it's fine. We'll find it in the break. All right. Well, speaking of which, do we want to move on to some overheards? Sure. Macho man to the top rope.

The flying elbow. The cover. We've got a new champion. We're here with Macho Man Randy Savage after his big win to become the new world champion. What are you going to do now, Match? I'm going to go listen to the newest episode of the Tights and Fights podcast. Oh, yeah. Tell us more about this podcast.

It's the podcast of power. Too sweet to be sour. Funky like a monkey. Woke discussions, man. And jokes about wrestlers' fashion choices. Myself excluded. Yeah. I can't wait to listen.

Neither can I. You can find it Saturdays on Maximum Fun. Oh, yeah. Dig it. Overheard. Overheard's a segment which is... Graham, shut up. It's time for my favorite segment.

I found the name of that dentist. What was it? The Tooth Booth. It was worth it. It was worth was worth the way yeah it's fun it seems like a like a stand-up thing in a mall like a little cart in the middle of the mall yeah yeah yeah just a quick yeah stop in at john wilkes tooth get a get a quick shot six semper tartar i was really trying to think of something and i was like i don't know what the latin is oh boy so overheards a segment where you hear something hilarious said you report it to us that's the

first call you make after you hear it right is right to us here at the stop by against yourself offices in beautiful downtown houston look up the number in your parents telephone that's right the beige book with the uh gold lettering alphabets down the side the tabs um and we always like to start with the guest charlie do you have an overheard i did i do and i i was kind of sitting on this through the touring old media with daughter segment. But I've been watching Josephine has gotten really into the X-Men cartoon.

The old one? Yeah, the old one. Really? Like from the... Saturday mornings? Yeah, the Haim Saban joint. Right after Eek the, uh, Hames Saban, uh, um, joint right after the cat. Yeah.

And, uh, um, so we've been watching it. And one of the things that has really struck me about the show is like, I, it, it blows my mind that we all thought Wolverine was the coolest character.

Cause he, he's just the, like the, Oh God. Like it just, he's, he character because he's just the like the oh god like it just he's he is he's a pill he is just like the 60 year old boomer dad idea of cool like scoot up on a motorbike and drink iced tea out of your helmet. Like, that's the... And he's absolutely awful. Like, he's just... He's mean to everybody, and he's just cranky all the time,

and he's not cooperative with anybody. And so one thing that he does is everybody is just... You know, he always calls Gambit. He goes, yeah, what are you doing, Cajun? And he just like, so he's got everybody's got their little derogation or whatever. Right. And so I don't know if you remember the character Bishop. Yeah.

He travels back through time. He's got the M tattooed over his eye. He's a time traveler. And so he comes for one episode and then he goes back to the future. And then he comes back in time for another episode. And somebody mentions to Wolverine that Bishop's back around. And Wolverine goes, Bishop, what's that time jockey want? The fact that he had a derogation for Time Traveler struck me as the most hilarious thing.

That's very good. Just, yeah. And so Josephine loves watching it, and she has to call out the roll call of all the right people, uh, as they appear on the, um, uh, in the opening credits. I'm surprised that she's, that she's into that show.

Cause it's just seems like, uh, an ancient artifact. Yeah. It's, uh, I'll tell you what it is. It's an intense show.

Like going back, there is no levity in it like it's very strange that it was such a big hit with us kids yeah and why did that mutant levity not why was she not able to join you know she always has just like knows the right thing to say at the right time that's her superpower yeah great at parties yeah yeah uh dave do you have an overheard um i yeah mine is just dumb it is uh so i was at the drugstore the other day and buying cocaine yes cocaine no the uh you know the apothecary yes yeah whatever the little bowl and the whatever the porter and mestel or whatever mestel and porter mortar and pestle there we got we got it and i just saw this brand of uh lotion called Cream Come True.

That's a bad name for that. That's rivaling these optometrists for hilarious results. It's like, why is this massage parlor called Cream Come True Massages? Why is this

massage parlor slash upscale donut shop donut shop by day yeah sex factory at night I don't know I guess it's more of a sex warehouse they're not making new sex up there they're just kind of you can go

visit the inventory making new sex up there they're just kind of you can go making new sex yeah nothing at all my overheard was uh walking out sometimes you know when people walk too close to the back of you where you're just hearing everything they're talking about and you hope that you slow down that they'll take overtake you but they don't so you're just with this uh person or two people for like blocks and blocks and blocks so at one point the guy said and i said if you want to come to my garden those are my rules well he can fuck off and then said to me sorry because he realized that i was that close yeah but he didn't he didn't recognize you as the ultimate overhearder that's right

you should have said you're welcome yeah i find like it's i i i mean uh not only are there fewer like social gatherings where you can overhear someone yes but even the people who are talking to you i find hard to understand between a mask and like a plexiglass yeah like the person serving me i half the time i'm just like all right well i know how this interaction goes so So I know it's, you probably asked me what I'm paying with. So I will just say card, even though I didn't understand you.

Yeah, it's true. If you are overhearing things right now, get out of there. That's right. You've hung around too long. Now, in addition to the overheards we have,

we have overheard sent into us from people all over the map if you want to send one in you can send it into spy at maximum fun dot org and this first one comes from nicole m parts unknown uh here's a zoom based kids say the darnedest things i overheard this morning teacher on zoom hi guys i got a new kitten over the weekend. Her name is Cassie. And the student asked, is that short for casserole? Which I think is pretty great. Yeah, it is.

Is this kid named Alf? Parts unknown. I'm guessing Melmac. I'm guessing Melmac i'm guessing melmac baby um yeah it's funny you don't really give a cat a name that's short for another name like you're not there's not yeah there's no barb the cat it's not really i guess unless it's a show cat and they need to know its full name yeah periwinkle the westminster cat show Or if the cat's original name is too ethnic. Yeah. He changed it for show business.

Yeah. This next one comes from Rory from Calgary. I was on the train one day when I heard a very peculiar accusation or accusation from a passenger behind me he said you're gonna spill my spaghetti sure enough i turn around to see a fellow commuter who is standing eating a paper plate of spaghetti and marinara on the train system this was about 4 p.m so a rush hour commuter eating spaghetti on the train gummo on his way to work in a situation like that though you have to go on the offensive because you got to assume people are gonna be like what are you doing eating pasta on the train so you gotta be the hey you're gonna knock over my

totally legitimate pasta that's right has anybody on here got any garlic bread anybody that would be good if like the um the train had like you know just like a place that you like bibs you could pull out yes a dinner car yeah like the way that they have like a clean xbox you're just pulling a bib out yes oh my god that's how the restaurant should do it so that you don't you don't mess up you don't have to embarrass yourself by asking for one yeah please i have a bib i know i spill the last time i think I had lobster, they offer a bib, but I don't think they insist. Like if you don't have one, they don't bring in a house bib that they have? They don't make you wear a bib if you say no.

Have you ever been in a situation where you've had to wear the house jacket at a place? Yes. No. have you ever been in a situation where you've had to wear the house jacket at a place yes no yeah i was uh as like a teenager i went with my grandfather to his golf club and there was you know like the golf restaurant or whatever and i walked in without a shirt and they made me wear a shirt that was an adult man's shirt so it had you you walked in without a shirt no i had a sorry not a shirt a jacket uh and i took off my pants and jacket um which they said was really against the rules and you were like what's my age again i'm looking forward to it but i know nobody loves you at 23 so i had the exact opposite situation where i was in a head the jacket was two sizes

too small for me okay i couldn't fathom what the opposite situation was i thought oh i went to a restaurant where jackets weren't allowed and i was wearing a jacket or i went to a coat manufacturer and they served me food i went to a club golf no but when we did uh debaters in ottawa i knew nobody in ottawa except my mp uh libby davies and so i said do you want to come to the recording and so she and her partner kim came and then as a like thank you she gave me a tour of the houses of parliament the next day holy shit yeah she took me for lunch in the parliamentary dining room and i showed up in like a dickies shirt from army and navy and they were like sir you can't you need a jacket so i have to like waddle past justin trudeau and jim flaherty and whatever in this houndstooth jacket that's about two or three sizes too small for me meanwhile libby is in like a

sleeveless shirt and she goes yeah the amazing thing is because they were so sexist like there are no rules for like they never envisaged women are ever going to be in this space so there's all these rules for what men have to wear when they come in but nobody ever thought well i'm sick of it i'm sick of all these rules for men but women get to do whatever they want exactly so if as a woman you wear uh it's it It's like the one place in the world where all the rules are flipped. A woman in the parliamentary dining hall in Canada can wear whatever she wants.

But a man has to have a jacket. It's like Air Bud. It's like Air Bud. There's nothing in the rules that say you can't wear a sleeveless outfit. Either we can chop the sleeves off your outfit or we'll give you a coat. Those are your two options.

Yeah. This last one comes from Natalie. I was walking my dog pretty late at night and I stepped off the sidewalk to let a woman talking on her cell phone pass. As she walked by, I heard her say, I couldn't take his shit anymore. So I told him, I don't need him.

I can beer batter fish on my own. At first I thought you said I couldn't take him. I can beer batter fish on my own. At first I thought you said I couldn't take our shit again. When they stitched up my butthole, that's when I knew. Yeah, I went to Beavis and Butt Stitch. It's a cute little name for a butt stitching place.

But I got new insurance that lets them i can now have my butt oh boy in addition overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us. Our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Hi, this is James calling from Regina. I was just coming out of the library where I was picking up a Blu-ray copy of Robert Zemeckis' Welcome to Marwen. And I kind of imagine the interaction

that happened had someone had told someone else to go to hell. But what I did hear was someone saying, well, there is no hell, so that's too bad. I mean, the real takeaway is that this guy was renting a copy of Welcome to Marwen. How did you get it?

How was it in stock steve carell's great but most of the movies he's been in have been a disaster yeah he doesn't want to make fun movies yeah that's right this is little miss sunshine was good and him in anchorman was good but i'd hardly consider that his movie. So everything else is Dan in real life and forward. Like the, what else is there? A friend for the end of the world.

And like, yeah, all those almighty or whatever. Evan almighty. Evan almighty. Well, that one I think is at least a comedy. That's true.

Like, have you seen welcome to Marwen? No, I think that guy is the only one who has yeah he's he's only guy welcoming you to marwin he's the only guy abby tried watching it it's like a interesting story i think it's about a guy with ptsd who like escapes into the world of his toys right i was entering and exiting the room a lot but it is not fun and it is not no uh maybe someone loves it but yeah absolutely there's you know every movie out there it's someone's favorite movie yeah i feel like every movie that's ever existed has somebody who like

that shaped their life and like even so much to them i think he his hair is even bad like they even gave him sad hair like it was it was one of those movies where the the tray even just while looking at the trailer it was like oh it's impossible for this to not be absolute train wreck um yeah i mean the the yes the subtitle of the movie being i mean welcome to marwin population one uh that also was a bad move i feel like ben stiller does that a lot too where he just wants to make uh like he's like i've done i've made people laugh never again i'm walter Mitty from here on out. Yeah, that's right.

All right, here's your next one. Hi, Dave and Graham, possible guest. This is Amarina from upstate New York. I was recently at a Black Lives Matter rally, and there were some police. We got near the police station, rally and there were some police. We got near the police station and we were like chanting stuff about defunding the police

and stuff like that. And some people were yelling insults at the police and the guy who was standing pretty close to me yelled, You're a nerd! Well, it's still the worst insult to get from somebody. It doesn't matter what the occasion is, getting somebody telling you you're a nerd.

Well, nerds are pretty cool now. That's true. Other end of the spectrum from being called Officer Cutie. Yeah, that's true. Officer Nerdy. Yeah. And also on that one, I thought I heard, hello, Graham, Dave, and passable guest. Which is how I describe myself these days. I mean,

you definitely are. Yeah. Like you, you definitely don't fail. Yeah. Yeah. And that's sort of how we view our guests as pass fail. Pass fail.

I'm passable. Here's your final overheard, babies. Hi, Dave Graham and potential guest. This is Catherine in St. George with the kids say the darndest. St. George? My mom teaches elementary school and she was talking to like a seven-year-old and asking what he wanted to be when he grew up. And he was like, I'll probably have a zoo.

And she's like, oh, that's great. Can I come visit when you open the zoo? And he just looked at her and he went,'ll be dead okay off i go i'm sorry to inform you this is gonna be it's i'm not gonna have a zoo like tomorrow yeah this is gonna be awkward if you do show up because i predict i foretold your death like at a certain point the kid has to learn sure you can come yeah yeah yeah absolutely don't worry about that death thing it won't come for you early yeah yeah sure you can come if my hyenas are hungry Hungry. Oh boy.

Oh boy. Oh boy. Well, this has been a treat. Charlie, you're always so fantastic on the show. It's such a treat to have you. Tell the listeners again about your book and where they can get it.

It's called primary obsessions. Uh, you should be able to, uh, order it wherever you order books. Um, you may be able to find a physical copy in the United States of America but you might not but you can certainly order it

and it's available in Canada and thank you very much it's called Primary Obsessions can't wait to read it I'm excited that you've written another book I've heard Primary Obsessions it's going to be turning into a movie starring John Travolta as Bill Clinton? Yes.

No, it's a prequel. It's a prequel. Yeah. How many books, by the way, how many books is this now? I think this is number six. That's incredible. That's really cool, man. It's, you know this jd salinger

only got the one out and then you know he just went and hid in the woods the rest of the time no he wrote more than that well he wrote you're thinking of harper lee oh yeah i'm thinking of harper lee well he wrote catra and the rye and then zoe and yeah which was like short short stories and then was there anything else um i'm well i mean that you said he had one and so there's there were already at two yeah that's true all right you got me you got me all right look i charlie's written six charlie's written six books i've read six books so i'm not like i can't really go ahead to head with you um but that's fantastic man and i hope i hope it sells well and congratulations thank you very much

uh uh it's uh it's exciting to have it i was supposed to come out in april and uh you know this has just been the kind of year it's been and i was really happy that they decided to hold it uh because i think it would just would have been totally lost in um uh in the spring and uh so it's nice that it's i feel like it's it's getting a chance yeah absolutely yeah um dave you've got the another episode of this sounds serious yeah this sounds serious so episode six oh it's uh charlie's in it kevin lee's in it nema golami pours in it it in it this is the episode of the year beautiful and thank you all

of you out there who listen to the show it means a lot to us and I hope that you're staying safe you're taking care of yourself and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting yourself. Maximumfun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned.

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