Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 660 - D.J. Demers

Episode Date: November 10, 2020

Comedian D.J. Demers returns to talk college parties, candy slides, Halloween police.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 660 of Stock Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who, hmm, he's got an awesome leaf blower if you see it on social media. It's Mr. Dave Shumka. I bought this leaf blower, weed whacker combo that came with the battery and the battery charger it was a great deal and it's just like uh i don't know if i use any of these devices properly but like are you using it to mix up uh fruit and stuff no no i'm not but i'm not like handy so i i'm

what i'm always worried that someone will be walk by and be like you know you're doing that wrong you're holding it backwards um well our uh guest today return guest to the podcast uh always a treat to have him his podcast is called definitely dj it's dj demers thanks for having me guys thanks for pleasure yeah this is uh it's it's been a while so it's nice it's nice to see your face it's nice to hear your voice it has been a while and just for the record i love your podcast so much i reached out and i was like can you please have me back well see i'm glad you did because i don't want to guess that anybody has an audio setup so i figured i'd just just wait until people were like i have an audio setup. So I figured I'd just wait until people were like,

I have an audio setup. Do you know what actually spurred me to reach out to you is I'm great friends with Jordan Foise. Oh, yeah. So I listened to his episode on Stop Podcasting Yourself. It was just so great. And you guys were having so much fun. I was like, damn, I got to talk to Dave and Graham again, man.

You guys, you just bring the best out of your guests. Like whenever I talk to Foise, we're best buddies. And we always go into like dark areas. I love it it but we end up being like kind of dark and maybe slightly pessimistic and you brought the bright side out of jordan foisy which is hats off to you yeah i just remember all i remember is uh what he was on he told the story of uh working out and his workout partner could tell he was a drinker. Yeah, at the boxing gym. Do we want to get to know us? Oh, yes.

Get to know us. Now, before we got going, we had a delightful, I take a screen cap of the three of us every week, I take a screen cap of the three of us every week, and we had a delightful moment of DJ trying to get his lighting right, and it was blinding. It was a dose of pure physical comedy. It was like he was setting off a flare in his studio. Yeah, it was good.

I mean, that's the problem with it not being a visual medium, is we have to describe how great it is. But trust us, it was good. I mean, that's the problem with it not being a visual medium. We have to describe how great it is. But trust us, it was pretty great. It was a light set to maximum brightness that I thought shining directly in my eyes would do the trick. Bring out the twinkle. So how's it been? It's been at least a couple of years since we've had you on. I know that times are weird right now, but in general, how have you been?

Why? What's going on? Oh, you know, David Letterman retired. It's been weird ever since. Yeah, I think it's been a few years. So things are, I think, like all of us, just weird as hell trying to figure out how to make it seem normal without using things like i don't know i'm just getting sick of talking about how it's a new normal and all that or like

ending emails with stay safe and all that and but uh you no longer wish to tell people to stay safe yeah i don't know it's just weird man i'm so with it, but you can't be because it's still very much a thing. Yeah. I mean, I could be talking about a couple things right now. That's true. The election here. I'm in LA. It's just like I'm so sick of hearing about it, but the votes aren't even finished counting,

so I can't. I have to focus. Not focus, but I have to know what's going on. And then the pandemic is not going anywhere. If you don't focus on this your guy might lose if you that's how it works if you stop at the secret yeah if you're not wearing your rally caps it's brutal though it's just it's just a steady dose of negativity and so i'm i try to be a positive guy but then i feel like an idiot when i'm positive in these times too because i'm

like only a moron can be positive about what's going on right now so everybody's wondering what's wrong with you yeah but other than that i'm doing great man how you doing i'm doing all right you know this uh we had a provincial election it was very fine it was a fine election nice and smooth no no recount business no uh supreme court we have a supreme court in canada right oh yeah we do our supreme court um they dress like santa that's right they wear red robes with big uh fluffy like furry collar and stuff yeah yeah collar and belt and um belly like a bowl full of jelly or whatever and as pipe wasn't that a big part of santa yeah in the day you know they put their finger to their nose and go up the chimney

dj when uh when you were a child uh what was the procedure for you around the santa claus thing like some people would uh you know their parents would go to the extra mile to do footprints in the snow or something like that did you have a procedure for your santa santa routine uh no i mean no i remember we always read it towards the night before christmas every night on christmas eve yeah and that's pretty much the extent and we put up a tree and all that but nothing we never went like too over the top that i remember right i remember when i told my parents i didn't believe in santa anymore i distinctly remember getting less gifts that year yeah it hurt how do you remember how old you were uh 23 i believe no i think i was about 11 maybe 10 yeah when's the age that it's like we can all we can all get this ruse out of the out of the way i don't know man it's uh like because i've got two kids

and they are last year they were not they're not crazy enough about santa like i want them to be like a just like total like i want them to be good when I threaten to call Santa. Call and or kill Santa. If you don't behave, I'm going to kill Santa. How old are your kids, Dave? 23 and, no, 3 and 6. Oh, okay. So, yeah, they should be, be like right in the throes of santa worship oh yeah yeah yeah but like i can tell from the older one that she is already suspicious and like the tooth fairy like she she's lost four teeth and it is the most

is the most harrowing experience. Like I, when I go in to put the money under her pillow, I, it's like, I worry that like everything's at stake when like everything could go wrong here. And then I, I have to have like a backup plan where I'm like, okay, if she wakes up, I'm just going to say I was checking on the, see if the tooth fairy had come yet. That's my, and i have to

keep the money hidden in my hand until the very last second yeah did you get money from the tooth fairy bj was that also a routine in your house yeah i did i don't remember when that stopped once you were out of teeth it's so weird that that's a thing like even halloween like our kid dressing i know it's all in good fun but madge my wife and i were talking we were walking around right before halloween and we were like i don't know if we're gonna participate but then you don't want to be the parent where your kids are the only ones at school not dressing up but just walking around and seeing graveyards everywhere and ghosts and like just such a negative thing it's dark i always had a joke about how in canada i guess in the states as well that up until the 31st graveyards are like silly spooky time

and then uh exactly at november 11th they're the sad again they're back to the regular graveyard yeah exactly but the tooth fairy thing would be harrowing like my i have four nieces and a nephew and a few years ago my sister asked me to be santa and i came in and i'm not an actor like i put on this suit it was like maybe seven years ago so i was like 26 or 27 years old not nearly old enough to be santa yet and i came in and my niece sienna was the oldest at the time and she was i think like eight and i came in and i was like oh oh oh merry christmas and immediately she was like uncle dj i was like oh no no we were separated at birth it's a hard thing it's a lot of pressure to to you know pull the wool over their eyes yeah and like there's uh there's like a santa training school somewhere where all the mall santas

they congregate and and like learn techniques i don't know what they have to like you know you know beat up a mannequin and like climb a wall there was a big kerfuffle this year because uh the mall santa association of america they were promised a bunch of things by politicians and then it was pulled away this was in the news a few weeks ago yeah is this for real this is a real thing they were they were really up in arms because they thought they were going to be taken care of with how Christmas is going to be so much different this year. They thought they had been promised something. That's all I remember. Milk and cookies.

Milk and cookies as far as the eye could see. Yeah. I thought they were going to get, they were like first in line for vaccines. Like if there's a vaccine in December, they get it first. Yeah. I mean, that makes sense. Santa would be at risk yeah yeah the most of all he's got a he's probably got a heart condition i gotta assume he's that

old and that much weight it's gonna be tough tough going on do we have an age on santa isn't he like 400 years old or something like that isn't he like eternal yeah but like no how come he got stuck at that old age forever like why isn't he a teenager he must have made a deal with the devil that's what i assume is there like how old like how long have we had chimneys yes um i don't even have one so i can't i mean yeah what are the kids that don't have chimneys what is their their routine? I mean, Santa, you can write it all off with magic. Yeah. The stuff we tell our kids, like, is that a healthy thing to lie to your kids about?

Like, I mean, just examining what we're doing with the Tooth Fairy and Santa. Why do we do that to our children? Yeah, it's a good question. Is it because it creates a magical feeling or is it just like lets you off the hook or because if yeah if a kid lost a tooth and there was no upside that would be awful yeah kids like losing their teeth don't they yeah i mean yeah i did i thought it was great that like how you can kind of gross people out oh i like bending it around in your mouth and that gummy feeling oh running your tongue over those gums oh yeah that's got to be the biggest disparity between being a child and an adult is the feeling of missing a tooth like

when you're an adult and you lose a tooth there's like not many worse feelings that's true it reminds you of like death and decay when a tooth is gone yeah as a child it's new beginnings um how are your how are your teeth you you got excellent uh teeth and gums or what's your dental situation sensitive to a cold ah yeah me too yeah yeah i'm sensitive and cold and i feel like that's the only thing my dentist wants to do yes really the leaf blower out minor sensitive to criticism oh yes well they look great so you don't have to worry about a thing thank you yeah i feel like every time i go to the dentist, it's permanently bad news. It's never, hey, come over here and give me a high five. Great teeth, great guns.

You know, this visit's on me. Have you ever used teeth whitening products? No, but I think I want to get the real deal. But I'm worried that they'll be too bright, and then it will feel silly if they're too bright. Because then, you know, that's why people, like, you know, guys that dye their hair completely black, even though they're like 70 years old, feels like that.

Like you need to have some wear and tear on the old teeth. Have you used them? I have, yeah. I used them in high school. I was really insecure about my yellow teeth in high school. And it worked like a charm, but I think it thinned them out a lot. I think my sensitivity can be directly traced back to that. How did you get your teeth so yellow in high school?

I think just bad genes. I wasn't drinking coffee or anything. I think I just had yellow teeth. I use them as well. I bought a box of Crest White Strips and they hurt so much. It was so unpleasant for the 15 minutes you have to keep them in. I don't think I finished the box. Really?

I did. I went through the pain. I was like, this can't be good, but I'm going to see it through to the end. Did you find it worked? Big time. Yeah. Yeah, the pain was worth was like, this can't be good, but I'm going to see it through to the end. Did you find it worked? Big time. Yeah? Yeah, the pain was worth it, you know? Beauty is pain, that old adage.

Yeah, absolutely. I've always said that. That was when I learned it. Yeah. They say beauty is pain, and that's why I look the way I do, because I'm very scared of pain in any way, shape, or form. You're in no pain. I think what you said about 70-year olds having black dyed black hair and everything i think society is way more accepting of artifice

than we think like i think people don't care if they don't even think about whether or not it's real i don't know i think when it's uh i think women have it uh locked down the hair dying they seem to know the right level of hair to do their hair at. And guys just seem to like, if you gave them shoe polish, they'd just rub it in their hair. I mean, when it comes to having their appearances judged, women have it easy. I've always said so.

Me and my activist friends. I went to get my teeth whitened a couple years ago in la at my new dentist and he was like you're fine and i was like are we not in hollywood here what do you mean i'm fine yeah this is that's high praise if your dentist in hollywood says you're good to go he's seeing some of the best i think brent butt talks about how when he started making Corner Gas, I think he calls his old teeth his wolf boy teeth or something like that. And he tells a story about the first couple episodes of Corner Gas, he was not used to having new teeth yet. And you can tell by the way he talks. Yeah, that's what I've always been afraid of like uh changing

anything up even just the sensitivity of the teeth it's too it's too scary for me but dj you did it are you doing down in la are you doing some acting stuff are you mostly doing stand-up stuff what's going on down there i've done auditions and stuff while i've been here but never booked anything so stand up and i haven't haven't heard about auditioned apparently they're going on but i haven't gotten actually i just had a zoom call with my agent and five of his other clients like right before this call so he was like i'm letting a lot of you go i wanted to do this all at once it was actually the opposite he was like we're all doing well and i was like what do'm letting a lot of you go. I wanted to do this all at once. It was actually the opposite. He was like, we're all doing well. And I was like, what do you mean?

I haven't heard about an audition in like months. But I guess he just meant we're all together and having a good time. That's what he meant by we're all doing well. I'm terrible at acting. Every audition, like, oh my God. I walk in and I'm just sweating immediately. I can't remember lined i'm like i just did an hour of jokes last night for like you know 250 people didn't think twice and now i'm in

front of three people in a small room and i want to like die yeah i've had that exact thing where i like walk in and then right away whatever i had memorized out the window and they read the first line i'm'm like, Nope, this is going to, you're going to have to read both lines and I'll just react. The worst part about auditioning is when it calls for you to be holding something because I'm like, should I like bring something in or if I'm supposed to move something or shut a door,

like nothing feels dumber to me than like fake shutting a door. And they're like, well, don't do it then. Like just talk. I'm like, but I'm supposed to be shutting the door while I're like well don't do it then like just talk i'm like but i'm supposed to be shutting the door while i say this so i brought my own door can i is that all right i heard some story about tj miller when he auditioned for uh oh man what was it what he did one with a bear like a why can't i wasn't yogi bear bear yeah yeah and he apparently he rented a bear and brought a real

live bear into the audition with him what i don't know if that's an urban legend but apparently that's what he did to book you man that guy's a legend urban or otherwise if he did that he's a total legend isn't there like there's a bunch of those there's one where like the person came in and just swore at the you know director and they said that's exactly what we were hoping for and uh you know you hear these things but i doubt like that would that ever work that would never work would it i don't know i mean it's all imagine if it doesn't work and you just rented a bear. You're just an idiot who brought a bear into... He's shitting all over the place.

At the office that I work at, but I have not been to in months, right next door there's a casting agency. There's right next door, there's a, like a casting agency. And for years, they were like, I don't know if they were notorious, but in our minds, we were like, this, this casting agency sucks. Because like, you'll go, you'll go to into the office at nine in the morning, and the same people will be still waiting three hours later when you go to lunch oh wow and i think with covid they have to like give people slots right yeah what there's no like dj have you been in a situation where you've had to stay in the room with all the all the other actors um pre-covid yeah yeah but like yeah do you ever look around and say like these guys all look like me or that you're like well i'm the only one that looks like me and all these other guys seem to have a different look going on they all

have why is their teeth so dark usually just a bunch of other white dudes if it's like calling for that kind of thing right but i always feel like i'm older than the other people at the audition right like i i feel like i'm like i maybe i should go for like i'm 34 but i'm like maybe i should be going for like 40 year olds or something everyone else i don't know but i just every and then i don't know man i hate the whole audition process because everybody's so nervous in that waiting room so I have like made attempts to like you know be like hey how you doing I'm DJ and people nine times out of ten they're like nah but go away I'm not talking to you I'm in the zone yeah um do you uh so so you're 34. How old do you think Graham and I are?

No guess is going to be good. I'm going to say 40, both of you. Oh, fuck you. I'm not going to be 40 for another 26 days, asshole. You're both 40 though, 39 and 40? Yeah. Wow. Okay, cool. And you know what 39 and 40 yeah wow okay cool and you know what 39 40 is 69 no it's 79 you guys both you're handling it well you know what i mean 39 40 honestly this age right now i'm happy that we're like mid 30s or you know 40 because i wouldn't have wanted to be 20 during

this pandemic and i wouldn't have wanted to be like during this pandemic and i wouldn't have wanted to be like 60 either like i don't want to be this age during a pandemic either but i feel like this is a pretty easy age to handle what the world's throwing at us right now i'm sure that if i had been in my 20s during all this i would have for sure gone to some sort of beach party and got infected pretty early on 100 when everybody was going down uh coming down so hard on all those spring breakers yeah i was like they're spring breakers like do you remember being 20 years old you're so dumb you're like i'm gonna go get a sunburn for 13 hours in the off chance that like sarah will kiss me. You know?

She likes her guy's sunburned. There's something very romantic about the idea of a person on spring break that just wants to kiss one girl. I just want to see one boob this whole week yeah sarah's girl's gone somewhat wild yeah did you ever do that do you ever do spring break uh i went to daytona beach with my dad when i was 16 on spring break but it was like all these college kids and then my dad and i and i'll never forget we were walking on the main strip in daytona and this uh group of like two guys and three girls went by in a convertible the two guys were in the front and the three girls were sitting on the back of the like not in their seats but on the back of the convertible right they drove by the guy

yelled out yeah spring break with your dad and then they kept driving and the worst part is i didn't hear it well so i said to my dad what did they say and he said they said yeah spring break with your dad and i was like ollie you could have changed it a bit they said you're doing great man yeah so i don't know did you get to like second base with your dad at least i mean a gentleman never tells you that's right my father and i are close yes uh i did spring break stuff when i was in university too i was i was a partier like in university i loved all that i had fomo if i didn't go out for like a night that's why i wouldn't have

handled covid well at that age i would have been like this is messing up all my partying man yeah and we where did you go to university will fit laurier in waterloo and did you live on campus first year i lived at home and then the rest of the time i lived off yeah i never i never did that are you you're from waterloo i'm from kitchener yeah but i say waterloo because it sounds better i don't i don't know it's all just a big blob it's a big blob of all of canada's population i'm pretty sure when i was on your podcast one other time i shit on kitchener before too shit i don't remember but this is bringing back a deja vu but there's tears in that area it goes waterloo

top kitchener middle and then cambridge at the bottom but cambridge sounds like it should be in the middle and uh kitchener don't be deceived um i didn't ever live on campus so i never had that experience of like every night there being an awesome drinking event and uh i feel like i i missed out did i miss out or was it just as bad as it could be i lived on campus until for the first year i lived on campus i never drank because i was 18 the second year i lived on campus but i was an ra so i was like don't drink and then the third year i didn't live on campus and that i think that's when i like first had alcohol but i said those campus parties were pretty stupid yeah i loved it i would say you missed out what so like what type of party because always when

they think of university parties it's a toga party that's the only thing i can think of and i doubt that really exists but i had toga a time or two yeah there were those yeah but that wasn't the main thing but that did happen okay what was what was on any given night what kind of situation was it going on like it was a frat having a party or how did this all work my campus didn't have frats uh i don't know if they even are a thing in Canada. They definitely weren't at my school. I think they are at giant universities.

Yeah. There was a thing that was pretty much a frat that I joined in my third year called UBG, University Business Games, because I got my business degree. So there was this thing, and you had like do an audition to make it into ubg and you brought a bear with you of course uh but i shaved ubg into my chest hair and so did my buddy that i did it with and then we uh we both drank two and a half beers like consecutively in front of them and then my buddy pile drive me into the ground and then smashed a chair over my back chugged another beer

and then we both had midterms we had to go right so we left it and went and wrote a midterm and we got in we got in just the whoever's supervising the midterm was like who smells like a brewery and then at a ubg party one time i had to vomit because i was drinking too much and they wouldn't let me go into the bathroom or outside they made me vomit into a wastebasket in the kitchen in front of everybody at first i thought it was gonna be like don't leave him alone while he's barfing but it was like let's all circle around the bar let's watch him and then everybody at that party threw furniture out onto the road it was and then the group was disbanded shortly thereafter

i just remember the the like it smell of the morning after a party was so bad because it was just like like you know a third of a can of beer but 50 of them yeah and it just that and like beer spilled on the carpet that stunk it was every and it was every weekend morning it was horrible yeah yeah like uh i never knew how in high school how kids got away with having a party while their parents were out of town because yeah, inevitably stuff was spilled all over the carpet and there's no way they got those spills out. And just that smell of like disgusting teens, you know? And just the, like, I, I'm picturing of like the parties from the dorms and they were all

the same party the rooms were very similar and you i had to listen to girls by the beastie boys and home for a rest by spirit of the west and it was just like the same 10 song playlist in the same room for four years my two songs that come to mind when I think of my university partying, not necessarily at the parties, but I was listening to a lot, were all these things that I've done by the Killers

and Sugar were going down by Fall Out Boy. Ah, nice. But those aren't, you know, that isn't representative of the whole school. That was me. That was you. Listening to them nonstop and singing in the shower. And my roommates would have to listen to me, but I wear a hearing aid and I take them out.

So I can't hear myself. So I would just sing those songs so loud. For like two years straight, my roommates were like, you want to add anything to the repertoire? I'm like, no. Yeah, you're not a soldier. Oh, yeah. When did you fall in love with John Mayer? I loved him at that time, too. I've loved him for a while.

I'd say going way back. I've had people reach out to me because of your show, telling me they also love John Mayer. So thank you for connecting me with fellow John Mayer fans. It's like a support group. That's what it's for. He's still kicking. Yeah,

that's true. He hasn't died. Recently, one of his songs, I think new light became his most listened to track on Spotify. Oh yeah. And, and surpassed your body is a wonderland.

So I feel happy for him because that doesn't define him anymore. Your body is a wonderland. He's still an artist. He's still growing. He's thriving. He's evolving. Yep. Um, just a second. he's still an artist he's still growing he's thriving he's evolving yep um just a second uh new light it's called new light yeah i think that's the one that took over as number one one of his newer let's hear it yeah new light is his most listened to this is john mayer with new Light here on Stop Podcasting Yourself. Is DJ paused?

Is DJ gone? Yeah. Now we're just listening to John Mayer without DJ. Pushing 40 in the friend zone. Pushing 40 in the friend zone. We talking and you walk away every day. Oh, you don't think twice about me. And maybe you're right to doubt me. But if you give me just one night, you're going to see me die. DJ came back and then left again.

DJ came back and then left again oh boy I like that this is this is what's happened it's just the show now you okay there DJ nope we lost him again we lost him again

oh boy yeah sorry i don't know why it keeps freezing maybe it's because we played john mayer is that yeah i think that might have been made it maybe made you too horny i really wanted to see your faces while you listened it was you know what i i had heard that song before it's good i like it and he he owns up right in the in the middle there that he's in his 40s, which is weird for a pop song. I'm the one. He's over 40. I'm the one pushing 40 in the friend zone.

Oh, yeah. I see. Yeah. The song is about you? And DJ, when you hear that this has surpassed his body as a wonderland, how does it make you feel? I'm happy. You know, I watched a documentary on Miles Davis, the original John Mayer.

The John Mayer of, well, actually, they're the exact same. And he just said this thing that stuck with me about an artist is always changing. And I mean, that's not a new thought by any means. And I think John Mayer is a perfect example of that. He has always changed. He went through a blues era. He's done a lot of solo stuff. He did electric.

He did stand-up. He performed with the Grateful Dead for the last decade. So I think that as easy as it is to make fun of john mayer uh he's really an artist there's no denying it no it's true and i wouldn't i i mean i make fun of him mostly as a reflex but i like what would i want him to do i i'm happy he's being john mayer he does not need to do anything to please me um he's got his own vision. He'd probably be interested in pleasing you. He could. I hear he's got quite the hog.

Oh, really? Have you not heard that? No, I haven't. I don't go to hog.com like I used to. I don't either. I'd go to a hog message board. I go to a hog subreddit. He looks like he does.

What about him? Like just the way he's built or what, what are you seeing that I'm not seeing? I mean, this isn't my own theory. My wife has brought this up, but sometimes you can just look at somebody's face and see how they're packing.

I probably, I think that that probably makes sense because they've got a confidence that uh that you don't see in every other person i think it's also i think it might even be a structural thing oh so like the blood is leaving his face to go to to enter the old hagerino yeah the more pallid the complexion the the hog. That's a good sign for me. What's her name? Janice Dickinson? Is that the former model?

And yeah, former judge on America's Next Top Model. She wrote an autobiography and in it she describes Liam Neeson's hog as being like a beer can. Really? Yeah. Apparently he's got like a celebrity giant penis like his penis could walk down the red carpet without him and everybody his penis gets its own like table at a comic convention signing autographs i wonder you know how they talk about how like 90 of presidents have been at least six foot oh yeah like six foot tall i would love to see some sort of it'd be harder to get everybody to participate

but to see if there's a uh you know correlation between penis size and success not not just for presidents but in any field yeah i think that's think that's a field of science that I'm very interested in. I want to see what the results are. Yeah, I don't know how you measure success. Do you do it from behind the balls? Yeah, I wonder if that's it. um yeah i wonder if that's it i also wondered uh like if there's a study that's been done that says uh people who are louder uh in general are dumber i don't know if that's true but i feel like that there's a correlation there yeah do you have any other theories yeah i want to hear more theories

i was just gonna yell out that's ridiculous but uh the moment passed me by i was that kid in school where i didn't want to interrupt the class if i had a good joke and the teacher was didn't pick me my hand would slowly go down and then the second i felt i had completely lost relevance yeah i let it go it burned me but i let it go you put up your hand to make a joke i did you know what the secret is there because then if the teacher calls on you and you make them laugh too, they'll choose you in the future. They're like, this kid's got the goods. He's not wasting my time. But I never wanted to be chosen.

They'll choose you in the future. I want to. I did not do the homework last night. I never did the reading. Please do not choose me. If I have a joke, I'll say it. I only stopped doing all the homework and reading in like 11th grade, 12th grade. But I cared about school.

What was the big change? I started, I just stopped caring, man. I started, you know, smoking weed. Yes. Being interested in girls. But even then, when I went to university for business first year i cared about school again i was like i'm gonna be a businessman yeah and then second year i stopped caring again and then if you look at like my transcript of university it's like a straight

line from like a good gpa in first year to just abysmal by my final year and how the thing is nobody ever will look at your transcript from university. That's true. I didn't go to university, Dave. I'm making all this up. Once upon a time, I put in for a job, and they asked me if I had a degree, and I realized afterwards that I should have just said yes. They weren't going to track it down even if I... Yeah, degree anti-perspirant. Yeah, see?

And that's how I can pass a lie detector, because I imagine that's what they're talking about. What made you switch from business, want to be a businessman, into want to be a comedy man? I love comedy. I mean, I think about that, because all my friends kept going with the business thing. My friend from university. Yeah. I just didn't care, man.

You know when you just don't care about something? You're like, I can't. I did co-op terms and I'd be two weeks into a job. And I'd just be like, the first two weeks, I'd be like, no, this is going to be the one I enjoy. Like clockwork. By like 14 days in, I was like, I hate everything about this. And I'll blow my brains out if I have to do it for the rest of my life. But like, yeah.

Isn't it weird that people don't blow my brains out if i have to do it for the rest of my life but like yeah isn't it weird that people don't blow their brains like anytime i've had to do like some weird office thing i'm it's it's like i i felt like oh yeah this i can do this and then after a while it is you need to escape and it's it's like are you wired differently or is everyone just hanging by a thread in these offices? Yeah, I don't know. I can see you going to work in an office as opposed to working from home because that's just awful. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Working from home stinks. No, no.

I mean, having a place to go is great, but just one of these jobs that's just like a job that you don't care about right you're like i do this to make money and i don't like it if you were going to be a businessman dj what type of business would you have been in uh i don't know here's another thing i don't like corporations yes like so every time i like worked for someone and i knew i was getting a set salary and this company was making a billion or whatever, because there's a lot of tech companies and insurance companies in Kitchener, Waterloo. Right. I just felt such like, I mean, malice, I guess, towards them because it just never felt fair to me. Not that I thought I deserved the billion, but I knew that I was such a replaceable moving part yeah i guess that's that's the difference between you and me i love corporations i love

that they make all that money i love oh you know what i i'm a boomer so i love yeah i you know i think corporation did used to be more lovable before my time but like you hear about people being able to work for somebody for 40 years get their pension and get like i think this all started if i get really to the root of it my mom worked for an insurance company and they fired her after 20 years when i was young just because they were doing layoffs like her performance was fine right but they just had to and so i just remember being like that's it they can just let you go yeah and then that defined my perception of corporations forever yeah which is that sounds like a corporation the other day i i went to the grocery store and i was

in the parking lot and uh the car parking like right across from me at the very same time was a buick and the guy who got it in my mind i was like who owns a buick like this is a modern buick yeah they're still making buicks who buys a buick and the guy who got out i was like i bet that guy worked at the same company for 40 years and they gave him a buick as a golden parachute well i don't know but it's like the kind of guy like i'm loyal to my company and i'm'm loyal to Buick. I've bought a Buick every two years for the last 40. Does Buick make a nice-looking car, or are they just like, I can't picture any, I can't tell the difference between any car? They're big.

They're, yeah. I don't know if they do, like, they may be the only car company that doesn't make a hybrid. They're loyal all the way. I think the new buicks are nice i mean they're fine but they're like i don't know where they fit in the marketplace of cars between like cadillac and lincoln yeah etc but like you you could pretty much you know how in cop shows i guess ended in real life when they ask you what type of car that it was that hit you or that you saw getting away and i'd be like it was i don't know like i have no idea what i would say it's got rounded edges you just never cared or you have

a hard time like remembering no i never cared but i also feel like in the past there were more different kind of types of cars and now there seems to be just one car type and then one suv type yeah it seems like they're just they're all yeah it is every company makes the same car yeah like they make the same compact and the same sedan dj what's your dream car The same compact and the same sedan. DJ, what's your dream car? You have five minutes. Five minutes?

I will be taking all of the five minutes. Honestly, I would love just going full, like, reveling in my richness. If I had a lot of money, I'd go Ferrari. Yellow Ferrari. Wow. Yeah. But I would be so worried having a car that nice like when i see people just park in front of a restaurant and like a convertible and they just leave the roof down and they go about

their business i'm like are you worried somebody's gonna like take a dump in your ferrari or something like i would panic every time i left my beautiful car my uh convertible i came back and my convertible was full of loogies yeah yeah yeah yeah um i mean why wouldn't people it actually surprises me that more people don't do that i i see like because i have a uh my wife and i have a 13 year old car and a 14 year old car and the paint is just like scratched up to shit on both of them but i worry that like when i see someone who has like one of these crazy paint jobs on a ferrari that's like purple that like gradients to green and it's like incandescent i'm like how do you get that fixed and it doesn't

cost a hundred thousand dollars just to like uh fix the door on your car yeah and it's also uh like um you know they have that kind of paint and then like a convertible seems like a crazy extravagance to me that that you can have the wind blowing through your hair while you're driving because i feel like that's what motorcycles were for for a long time then convertibles came along and it was like and you can't listen to a podcast that's true motorcycles were for, for a long time. Then convertibles came along and I was like. And you can't listen to a podcast. That's true. Unless you've got earphones in, which is fine.

I love convertibles though. I know they're so impractical, but there's just something about a convertible I love. Yeah. And it's really bad for me. It could wind in my hearing aids, makes it impossible to hear. Right. So I was going to buy a convertible like four years ago when i first moved to la and my wife was like we're not going to be able to talk while

we drive and i was like yeah and you were like exactly but i just love the idea of exactly what you just said graham wind blowing in my hair while I drive? Come on now. Now that you say it back to me, I think it's cool. It's going to be tough on your cold sensitive teeth as well. That's true. Because you'll be smiling the whole way. Bugs just hitting your teeth the whole time. Worth it, baby.

Dave, what's going on with you, man? Well, we just had Halloweenlloween this past week oh yeah um although it's now the we're recording this on the fifth and an american election has happened and it and we're not releasing this until i don't know what the like ninth or something the halloween is a year ago yes yeah. Yeah. Um, but, uh, yeah, so we, we,

uh, had Halloween and we were very unsure what Halloween was this year on account of the pandemic. Right. Um, but we were like, well, we'll send the kids out.

Abby, Abby always takes the kids out and I always stay home and hand out candy. And, um, like in the weeks leading up to halloween i had bought so much candy like i have this is a box of uh a kit kats coffee crisps arrow and smarties and this is just the box i used to put all the empties whoa and so i had this is not the first box of these i bought and and that's a very canadian pack of of candies there yeah and they're all bangers yeah that's true there's not a dud in the mix what's your order there you got coffee crisp kit kat smarties and arrow what's your one through four um i would go oh boy i think i would say Coffee Crisp is one, but Kit Kat is 1A.

Like, I don't think Kit Kat takes a backseat to Coffee Crisp, really. Right. And then... Then Arrow is 1B. Arrow is in second. And then, well, you know, Smarties is two and Arrow is 2A. They're the second rung. What about you, DJ?

What's your ranking? I like that order, but there's a clear distinction. I go Coffee Crisp, 1. Kit Kat isn't 1A. It's just below at 2 for me. I love it, but Coffee Crisp reigns supreme. And then Aero's way down, and Smarties, I could throw them away. Oh, I like smarties uh

i'll i'll i yeah smarties i could eat a million of without thinking yeah i mean i could also you know rocket the little candy rocket yeah they call them smarties here in america i know that yeah in my mind the first time i saw it yeah they don't have our smarties down there do you miss any of the canadian chocolate bars being down there i don't eat chocolate Smarties down there. Do you miss any of the Canadian chocolate bars being down there? I don't eat chocolate bars anymore, really. I feel rude, though, because I didn't get your order, Graham. What was your order with those? Oh, definitely Coffee Crisp.

Then Kit Kat. Then Arrow and Smarties. Bringing up the rear. So if people in America, Smarties are like, they're kind of like flat m&ms yeah that's a good description uh but i like them better than m&ms um and then arrow is a like they don't have that in america right it's a what arrow bar yeah i thought that was i thought that crossed the borders it's a bubble it's a chocolate bar filled with with bubbles. And then Kit Kat they have. And then Coffee Crisp is like a thick wafer that is supposed to taste like coffee.

It's not very... If it wasn't called Coffee Crisp, I wouldn't know it was trying to taste like coffee. Do we not have Coffee Crisp here in the States? I don't think you do. Huh. Yeah. I was eating so many chocolate bars like for a while when i lived here um but then i started doing a plant-based diet like 10 or 11 months ago oh yeah and i didn't

even think the chocolate bars would be off the table i just forgot there was milk in them and then like the first time i went to grab when i looked i was like fuck i'm not having chocolate bars oh so you were just you're completely all all vegetable i mean not necessarily all vegetable but no animal products no animal products wow so it was vegetable and mineral what nothing um in addition to overheard wait no um so yeah so i had eaten all these candies before ha and then, uh, day of Halloween. I'm like, I better get more candy. Cause I don't think we have enough for the kids that are going to come through the neighborhood.

So I went to the store up the street, no candy, like not completely sold out of all candy, but sold out of any kind of chocolate bar. Huh? I went to a different store. No chocolate bars. I went back to the original store to see if they were like, oh, we ran out, but then we put out more on Halloween day. No, they were all out. Yeah.

And so I was like white knuckling it all of Halloween night. Like, are we going to run out of candy? And so what would have happened if you ran out of candy with your dad? I would have turned out the lights and pretended I wasn't home because that was the sashes. There was a lot of that. Your neighborhood seems like it would get a lot of Halloween traffic. It does. But it's also a pandemic.

So we didn't really know if people were going to go trick or treating. Like there were, you know, people, you know, we heard-treating like there were you know people uh you know we heard about people making the like pvc pipes yeah oh yeah i saw a lot of those it was it was awesome and the like uh making slides and uh apparently one house had like a zip line nice and people had like tongs and things so they were using we our system was i i had these like little plastic bowls that i i put out in it when a kid came up you know i put up a little barrier we had some of that like fake halloween uh caution tape that was like warning haunted and then so i would like put the the candy out and tell the kid grab a ball take

the candy from the bowl leave the bowl and then i would take the cannoli yeah i would refill the ball were you dressed up no what not gonna no that was always interesting to me like participating in the candy ritual but just being dressed in your like sweatpants and a t-shirt yeah i feel like that was the bulk of when i was a kid and i'd go trick-or-treating it was just some dude would come to the door and it was just like you'd smell their house that was the big you'd smell their house they're making stew and they would say what are you and you would I'm, I don't know, the Green Ranger. And they were like, fine. My daughters were dressed as Princess Jasmine from Aladdin.

And my older daughter was Audrey. Which is a character from Disney's Descendants. But she doesn't know that grown-ups don't know that. So she would just say to them, I'm Audrey. I do like the idea of dressing up as the type of person that goes with that name. Like if you just went trick-or-treating as Audrey. Yeah, like I'm a Karen. Yeah, I'm a Dean.

So they went out and Poppy, when she got back from trick-or-treating she was amazed because she was like i knew monsters weren't real but i didn't know fireworks were real so she was like i'd heard of fireworks i've seen them in shows and stuff i didn't know they were real and she was amazed by that and like dj where you grew up uh was there fireworks on halloween or is that purely this west coast thing yeah i think it's a west coast thing i didn't know that happened yeah i didn't know until i moved here and i was like this makes uh halloween even scarier yeah yeah teens that have explosives on them now we ran out of candy at 7 30 but that seemed to be when it was really dying down and so i turned out the lights and then i got a text like half an hour later from gray i'm saying

i'm outside wanting candy i gave him a beer yeah oh and i took that beer and i drank that beer and i appreciate you giving me that beer when i was a kid I would go trick-or-treating and every year there was one woman who would give my dad a beer. Oh, really? And now as a grown-up, I would be mortified if a stranger gave me a beer. Like some old lady was like, here, have a beer. You're a man. Yeah, you look like a boozer. Here.

That's a nice gesture. Yeah. Is she doing that to a lot of the people in the neighborhood i think so huh i think she maybe liked seeing the dads accompany their kids as opposed to moms maybe she was hot for dads is that possibility that she was like hey get drunk and then come back that's a possibility yeah um so yeah successful uh pandemic halloween nice were there a lot of kids out then oh yeah yeah it was it was uh yeah i don't know if anyone like other than the sick like keeping six feet

apart i don't know if anyone took any other precautions of like i don't know if anyone stayed home it just coincided with the timing of how long this has been going on where everyone was like i gotta go out for Halloween. Like if the pandemic had started a month before Halloween, I think we would have seen the holiday. Not many people trick or treating. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

And then in downtown Vancouver, there was like a giant street. People just like got together in the like entertainment district and partied. Yeah. And without masks masks but also like from the news footage without costumes it was just just right yeah people being rowdy it was the laziest stupidest thing yeah the uh yeah and you know we'll see we'll see the case of spike in a week or so however long it takes yeah it'll be great that's the real treat so yeah that was my halloween that was my uh week how about you graham well as you said i went out on halloween and i walked

past dave's place got a beer from an old lady um and then audrey i went to the park because these fireworks uh that's where everybody's lighting off fireworks and uh so i walked into the park and the first thing that i saw was uh teenagers jumping over a fire and there's there's no fire pits in this uh field so they've just lit a fire okay on the ground and there was people skateboarding over it and people jumping on scooters over it. Oh, that rules. Yeah. These teens rule. They're awesome.

Does it make a ramp? Nope. They were just popping over this fire and then cheering. So that was the best. And then the fuzz showed up and those teens took off so fucking fast. It's like they moved as like, you know know when you see those fish that move around like the school just and you could go through them and they never lose their form that was the teens the teens just vanished all like their one energy and uh and then the cops were flashing around lights at everybody to see what was going on, you know? And I think the cop thought that I was a teen that didn't,

didn't get tagging along. Cause I just looked like a shadowy figure. And so then he shone the flashlight in my face and saw that I was not a teenager. And he just said, maybe next time you should just put your beer in a coffee cup or something. And I was like, you,

you had to say something. And I was like, you, you had to say something. Yeah. Did you, uh, was it the same beer or did you get, pick up other beers on the way? I had, I had other beers as well,

but it was that same beer. And, uh, he, you could just tell, like he hoped that I was a teenager. I wasn't. So he still had to make like a public service announcement.

Yeah. Yeah, sure. And, uh, so yeah yeah that was the best the fireworks were the best they there's like whole families lighting off whole displays of fireworks yeah you know what if it's like all kind of in one place at once it's pretty fun it's the you know like three in the morning fireworks going off yeah that annoys me yeah but uh you know i'm just glad they were oh and then the fire department showed up to put out the fire that the teens had lit and as they as they passed by the cop she said very sarcastically uh well there's your fire. And then they all laughed.

Who said that? The cop said to the fireman, said like, well, there's your fire. And then they all had a good laugh. And then they put it out. No harm done, except all the harm that was done. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, the day after Halloween is always like there's no one picks up their, you know, exploded. No, that's true. carcasses of fireworks so it's just like a mess on the ground everywhere it's like the end of a

music festival um like dj you're not you don't like halloween you don't like dressing up or anything like that but did you as a kid i did as a kid yeah and then i did a bit in university uh just for hallow Halloween parties and stuff. And then I haven't really since then. What was your best costume? I was lazy about it, like the older I got. That seems to be a theme in everything I'm talking about. Yeah.

I think I stopped caring at the age of 11 when my mom got fired from the insurance company. Yes. When my mom got fired from the insurance company. Yes. But when I was like 10 or 11, I got robbed on Halloween by an older kid. Oh, shit. I was walking. It was like halfway through the night.

I had a full bag. I was dressed as Dracula. Me and two friends were walking, and there was a group of teenagers across the street. And one of them ran across. And he was like, hey, man, cool costume. What are you supposed to be? Should have been a red flag, because I'm clearly Dracula, you know and i'm like oh i'm dr and then he just snapped my bag in the middle of my sentence and ran back to the teens laughing and he didn't he started walking again once he got across the street they didn't run away they knew i wasn't gonna do anything but

yeah i kept trick-or-treating after that but every every house I went to, I was like, hey, I just got my bag stolen. Can you maybe give me two treats? Because, and then they didn't believe me. They thought I was hooligan, you know? So they were like, yeah, sure. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay, vampire. Yeah. You said I got robbed. I didn't, I was expecting like they took your like jewelry and wallet. But I think if so, i don't know if you could say you got robbed if someone took your candy bag is that right again that was the most precious thing i had on me i would have glad if they took anything else i would have been happier yeah maybe my hearing aid hearing aid candy would have been the order of things that would

have upset me there yeah oh man and then i wonder what they're doing with my hearing aids you ever you ever share them with your friends oh no it's not people don't want things from your ears that's something i've learned over the course of my life yeah are they specially molded to your ears they are yeah oh well they'd be totally they'd feel weird in mine yeah that but i don't think that's a main thing keeping people from ears are incredibly intimate you don't really think about it no no they're not they are if you're using them right you know what i'm saying yeah yeah yeah i'm i'm all about i'm in everyone's ears they're like all my friends i'm really in their ears yeah

i get in there with that uh that thing that shines a light in there it has the disposable cone on it man man did i want to play with that when i was a kid like just hoping that the doctor would be out of the room long enough to do that put one of the the funnels on it we have a uh a thermometer that's an ear thermometer yeah uh for the kids and also for us now sure and at the beginning of the pandemic it was like every half hour it was like because also at the beginning of the pandemic we knew nothing about the symptoms of covid yeah have you been temperature checked either you guys yeah oh yeah everywhere i go like just if you go to a grocery store or something

they got the temperature check yeah that's been the thing i've learned from the pandemic is how quickly i would let people point random guns at my forehead when i walked into building go ahead sure yeah take all my candy just leaving my hearing aids have you guys have you ever um been to like a hearing doctor an ear doctor and they have on a tv screen to like a hearing doctor an ear doctor and they have on a tv screen when they're going into your ear and it looks you can see the canal as the tube's going down no that sounds awesome it's crazy yeah you can it looks like you're going into a cave you know but like how do they take a right or a left at the eardrum like

how come it doesn't go pierce your eardrum by going in that far they stopped just shy of the eardrum i guess they put it in there to see where they are gonna make my mold go so they go open it out first yeah but it actually looks like a lunar rover footage or something like it's crazy dark and like scary yeah it's a trip and the part of your head yeah exactly you're inside my head because you know we've talked i think on the podcast before about kids losing their baby teeth that there's a whole set of adult teeth that they're born with that is just sitting in their cheeks yeah ready to drop down like the i always thought that they formed at some point but they're all they're already in there

yeah yeah google baby skeletons yeah if you look at a a baby skull that's been x-rayed, they're all in there and it is freaky as fuck. Wow. Like when they're newborns, they got adult teeth in their cheeks? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Also, your eyes never grow.

Your eyes are the same size your whole life. Oh, shit. I didn't know that. That I knew, but I don't believe it. Yeah. I also just said that and don't believe it. Doesn't make sense. Doesn't add up.

No. Yeah. Although babies are so cute because of their big eyes. That's true. And that's why we keep them around. And their big cheeks full of teeth. Wow. That teeth thing is crazy.

It's when you see it, it'll really blow your mind it's it's very it's very bizarre and uh and concerning because i just i don't know what i thought happened i just thought they would develop yeah yeah yeah it is weird i thought the old ones had to leave for the new one to grow also the baby teeth are like perfectly straight and then the new the adult teeth grow in and they they can go in any which direction looks like a graveyard just like yeah did you uh you had braces right dave oh yeah dj braces no but i wanted them and this was a case of another dentist telling me I didn't need them. Ah. Dentists have been saying no to me my whole life. Why did you want them?

Just to look like other kids? I have a gap. And there might have been a point in time where I thought I didn't want the gap between my two front teeth. Right. But now, part of your look. I embrace the gap. Now it's your signature. That's my signature.

The gap-toothed comedian, that's what they call me. Move over, David Letterman. Yeah, enough of this hearing aid talk. Talk about the gap. Oh, did he wear hearing aids? I didn't even notice. You're telling me the gap-toothed comedian has a hearing problem. Oh, man. Should we move on to some overheards?

Sure. Listen, I'm a hotshot Hollywood movie producer. You have until I finish my glass of kombucha to pitch me your idea. Go. All right. It's called Who Shot Ya?, a movie podcast that isn't just a bunch of straight white dudes. I'm Ify Whiteyway, the new host of the show, and a certified BBN. BBN?

Buff Black Nerd. I'm Alonzo Doraldi, an elderly gay and legit film critic who wrote a book on Christmas movies. I'm Drea Clark, a loud white lady from Minnesota. Each week, we talk about a new movie in theaters and all the important issues going on in the film industry. It's like Guess Who's Coming to Dinner meets Cruising. And if it helps seal the deal,

I can flex my muscles while we record each episode i'm sorry this is a podcast i'm a movie producer how did you get in here iffy quick start flexing bicep lats chest who shot you dropping every friday on maximumfund.org or wherever you listen to podcasts Overheard Overheard is a segment where boy do people love to talk they love to chinwag and if you are in the proximity of some chinwagging talk then

you can send in something that you've overheard to us and we'll read it on this here show and we always like to start with the guest DJ would you lead the the charge yeah tell us about this chin wag you heard well boys as you know um i wear hearing aids so overhearing things is not my forte right but yeah especially in your convertible this is this is actually a reverse overheard my wife heard me talking in my sleep and pulled out her phone and recorded briefly so i have a recording of 10 seconds of me talking in my sleep would you be interested in hearing that yes yes very much she i said

something about the election so she knew it was the night before the election so she knew that was what i was dreaming about and then this is what she caught me saying did you hear that i heard it but i can't understand what was it it's me saying yeah 100 we'll fight for it whoa wow maybe you were god what kind of dream were you having maybe you were like some kind of warrior yeah i didn't know how anxious i was about the election until i woke up the day of and she told me what she had recorded so it must have been weighing on me. I was ready to fight for it. You were. Yeah.

And I know you before the election, you were tweeting a lot about how you wanted Trump to get 100 percent of the vote. And you were willing to fight for it. Oh, that's incredible. Yeah. Sometimes you can see the other side's way of thinking. But sometimes you think 100 percent of side's way way of thinking but sometimes you think 100 of people should see it your way uh yeah yeah that was my overheard well my wife's over here yeah that that was great that's perfect

i love it if you could if she if she records any more of you sleeping you could just send it my way yeah just for my personal collection does all dreaming sound that creepy like when i listen to it i got the heebie-jeebies it sounds like a paranormal activity movie yeah yeah i mean i think all dreams are pretty fucked up i used to have an app on my phone that would it would like it was uh you would leave it on overnight and it would activate if it heard you talking or if it heard any sound and it would record it and then you could listen the next morning and it was never anything uh remarkable oh really like i never i don't maybe it caught me talking once but i couldn't figure out what i had said yeah i'm just like not i don't want anybody to know what my my

nighttime thing is going on i wake up very sweaty i know that so i don't know anybody to know what my my nighttime thing is going on i wake up very sweaty i know that so i don't know what i was doing the whole time the the 2000 election the only time abby uh heard me talking was the 2000 election and it was because she falls asleep way before i do but she heard me talking in my sleep saying don't forget about the green party ralph nader third party wow yeah yeah i mean it played a pivotal role that's true uh dave do you have an overheard yeah this is from halloween night um So I was, because of the pandemic, I spent the night outside. Like I didn't let anyone come ring my doorbell.

Right. So even when there weren't kids coming to my door, I was outside and I heard all the kids in the neighborhood. And some kids had gone trick-or-treating across the street and then walked up the street and then i saw one kid running down the street running down the sidewalk and uh he he yelled wait i didn't thank these guys thank you he was like i got the candy from them but i didn't thank them and he had to run back and yell that's beautiful that is beautiful yeah it's nice yeah that's a that's a kid i was gonna say that's a well-trained kid but that's not right this kid was raised right no he's well trained yeah he's well healed he's well by my overheard yeah is uh Is courtesy of the night before Halloween.

Ah. We used to read the night before Halloween, every night before Halloween, on Halloween Eve, by Clement Seymour. You know who you don't... A visit from Saint What's-His-Face. You do not see a lot of people dressed as Santa on Halloween. I have, though. Yeah.

I think I have, but not as many as you might think because it's pretty recognizable costume pretty easy and there's like a lot of women are horny for it yeah that's the weird what was the number one costume this year i think it would be tiger king or something i would guess that yeah or trump probably a lot of trump costumes going around trump like riding on somebody's shoulders, that one. Oh, yeah. The one costume that I saw that I thought was so cool was I saw a little kid wearing, like, the original ghost costume.

Like, just the sheet with the circles going. I don't think I've seen that. I think it might have been this. I saw that kid, and he came to my door. Yeah. I haven't, I don't think I've seen that. I, I think it might've been this. I saw that kid and he came to my door and it's horrible for trick or treating. He could not, can't see, could not pick candy up. He couldn't like get his arms out because the arms are underneath too.

He's got to flip the whole thing every time. Yeah, that's true. Yeah. But it was, it was so cool to see. I was like, Oh,

it's still, still happening, still happening. Yeah. But it was so cool to see. I was like, oh, it's still happening. It's still happening. But mine, I went to a pizza place, get a slice. And I was talking to the guy behind the counter. I said, he's like, oh, man, Halloween tomorrow. And I was like, yeah, yeah. Are you going to do light off fireworks?

And he said, yeah, man man it's canada you got to and he was he uh born in canada no i think maybe uh possibly from uh iran um but uh that he thought that that was the universal you're canadian you gotta set off fireworks. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing. You got to, man. It makes me proud. Yeah. What was your costume when you went walking through the neighborhood? I put a beer box on my head and wrapped in foil. Yeah.

And then I just drew a black band across my face. And I don't know what I was. Last minute costume is what it was. Black band like Daryl hannah in blade runner yes you're like a uh some kind of robot man i was some sort of robot but not a convincing robot like in blade runner regular outfit on your body i was wearing a jumpsuit i wore a jumpsuit that i happen to have okay all right that's your costume yeah that's a costume it's uh i would have gone as classic ghost it's a reason to own a jumpsuit that can be part of any costume

yeah at a drop of a hat and uh i would have gone as classic ghost but all my sheets are fitted they all got the elastic parts and filthy oh they're filthy oh man scarier than any ghost um and we now we also have overheards from people all over the planet if you want to send it to us uh you can send one to spy at maximumfun.org and uh we got you know we got we got some good ones. Okay. This first one comes from Emma in London, England. Hello? There you go. Computer train out of London. A girl on the phone with her mom.

She said, yeah, but I spelled it wrong, so now I won't get the job. I showed it to you, and you said it was all right. No, Mom, I wrote vaccines instead of vacancies. So she passed it by her mom to do a quick editorial, and she missed it. vaccines instead of vacancies. So she passed it by her mom to do like a quick editorial and she missed it. Just so she could blame her mom. Absolutely. I mean,

do your own. What's the job there where you're saying vacancies? Hotel manager position? Yeah. Yeah, fill one of your vaccines. Yeah, or landlord some sort of landlord position. I won't get a job, mom. Well done.

I'm going to have to sell me flats. Man of a million voices. That was a baby spite. This next one comes from Alex. alex sorry in massachusetts waiting in the last one i think you said computer train instead of commuter train did i oh well i'm just uh look roll back the tape you know what it was a computer train i read it it was a computer train probably i bet they use computers now that i'm looking at it it does say computer so no yeah so she's she's got vaccines and computers yeah blame her mom for that one too yeah yeah um so this is alex in massachusetts waiting in line

to get a bagel uh i overheard a person talking about someone they're dating say well she's a virgo so she goes to bed really early uh maybe i'm a virgo yeah i mean uh you know like what i don't know those things all those things i don't know any of them what you're supposed to be if you have a certain sign. But I feel like there's people who are like, oh, you're this sign? That means you're very passionate. What's your sign, DJ? I'm a Capricorn. Oh, yeah.

And you know what that means. What does that mean? I don't know. I've heard so many different things. I think I'm supposed to be motivated motivated and driven but i don't know yeah i know i go to bed really late that's what capricorns do yeah we can't be with virgos because yeah exactly what's your wife although you you need to have a little bit of separation yeah that's true that actually is true you mentioned that you go to bed later than, or did you say you woke up later than Abby?

I forget. I'm, I don't know. The truth is I both get up, I stay up later and get up earlier. Oh, really? He's a farmer. I go to bed later and wake up later. I get a few hours of extra me time at the end of the night. Sounds really good.

A lot of time to watch Bosch. Oh, how's Bososh doing oh man what a show do you love bosh oh dude i can't believe how much i love bosh jordan foysi recommended it to me like a month and a half ago and he's a smart man i was like why are you recommending this like middle of the road fair to me what a show i i've been binging it for a month i yeah i don't think it's middle of the road i think it it's obscure, but it's also... I've never watched it, but from what I can tell, people who love it, love it.

Yeah. What is it? Is it a cop show? It's a cop in LA. Based on the Bosch novels? Yes. Yeah, by Michael Connelly. And then we watched Lincoln Lawyer recently.

Oh, yeah. And he also wrote that. And it's a guy in L.A. as well. Michael Connolly loves those smooth-talking L.A. characters. But where they're tough to deal with, but you know that they're going to get the job done. Yes, well, that's the price you pay. You have to put up with that nonsense to get the job done.

But no, Bosch is great. Well worth staying up till three in the morning for this last one comes from john um in saskatoon uh i was listening to a local cbc radio show discussed how the recent spike in covid cases was affecting Saskatoon businesses. I heard a gym owner explain how he came to the decision to ask clients to wear masks during the workouts. And he said, you know what? It came down to, if Bane can wear a mask, so can we. Bane's ripped.

Bane's a classic gym rat. So you... If Bane can do it, everybody hop on board.osh is ripped bane is ripped that bane bane mask seems like it really hindered his life though yeah that's true he was not he never got a chance to just have a normal life bane was he was just stuck behind the mask forever right his body depended on it yeah he does He does it. It did in the movie. Yeah.

What does he need it for? Breathing to breathe. Yeah. So they put this weird, that is character was the hardest character to understand. If closed captions did not exist, I would not have known one word that Bane said. That's yeah,

that's absolutely true. And the version they put out was him being more clear than the one they were trying to put out. Can you imagine what the original sounded like before they made it clear? I think it probably sounded a little something. Here we go. Here it comes. Like this. I've been here.

Been here. Batman. I knock it off, okay? He's telling Batman to knock it off okay but He's telling Batman to knock it off Yeah Let us do crimes that kind of thing Yeah Me uh

Batman you got a crush On Catwoman I like that Batman and Bane in this scenario Are chatting about who they have crushes on hey batman you having spring break with your dad oh no he's dead bane would say that yeah that's true in addition to overheards that are written and we also accept your phone calls if you want to call us our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one, ugh, spy pod one like these people have.

Hi, Dave and Graham. This is Shelby from New Jersey. I work in health care, so I take a commuter train from out here in Jersey. It's in New York City. And yesterday as I was coming home on the train, the conductor made the announcement. If you have

a comfort animal, such as the snake I just saw, make sure to keep it in your bag. Thanks. Love the show. Bye. Yeah. It's like the keep it in your pants of the penis world yeah keep your snake in your pants um if you have a uh comfort animal you might be a redneck yes do you own any pets dj two cats two cats yeah two cats yeah one of them's uh sleeping right there nice stayed up late

watching bosh yeah is it tough to keep them on the plant-based diet keep them on the wet oh plant oh no that's a weird thing it is a bit of a hypocritical thing where i'm just giving them meat all day long they get all the chocolate they want yeah just on the chocolate bar front though they have a chocolate bar here called payday do we have that in canada no i've heard of it i don't know if we have nuts on a toffee i was eating a bunch of that yeah it's like oh henry without the chocolate on the outside essentially is it is it oh so it's it's chocolate free i think it's gooey but it ain't chocolate. Yeah. By the way,

do people have support snakes? Is that a thing? No, but I think maybe they do. You can have a support pet and if someone, if it happens to be a snake,

I don't think there's anything that limits what the animal can be. Right. I just love that the conductor just assumed it was a support snake.

Well, because it wore a little vest that said, don't pet me, I'm a support snake. Don't pet me. A very long vest. As opposed to a shirt for its arms. Yay!

Next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and Covenant of Magical Forest Creatures. arms. Hey, next phone call. Hello, Dave Graham and magical forks, forest creatures. Um, so my partner and I were just at the

grocery store and when we were, when we were going up and down the coffee aisle, uh, we passed, uh,

an older couple with their grandson and we overheard the grandma say, Oh, they do have cappuccino. Well well hot diggity dog diggity do it's my lucky day well off i go wow somebody that excited about cappuccino is this 1991 i haven't had a cappuccino in a while i used to really go hard on the French vanilla cappuccino

At Tim Hortons Oh yeah Yeah but now you don't do any cappuccino or latte Or do you? Coffee I have a couple cups of coffee in the morning But nothing fancy Do you use a milk substitute?

Usually like a soy creamer Yeah Graham's all about oat I love the oat milk Ooh I love it yeah i'm all in my cereal yeah exactly it goes good in cereal it's uh it's not it's not drinking on its own quite but i've had a couple sips of it it's okay it does it tastes a little bit like it's already had cereal in it not like a sweet sweet cereal, but like a shredded wheat. Life.

My favorite cereal. Here's your final overheard. Hi, Dave and Graham and potential guests. This is Lauren calling from Chicago with an overheard from back pre-pandemic days. I was riding the bus home from somewhere and there were a couple of girls sitting in the back of the bus who had definitely been drinking.

And one of them kept very loudly saying to the woman sitting next to her, I bet you don't know how Al Capone died. And she kept saying this increasingly louder and getting rowdier from the back of the bus and finally an old man sitting alone at the front of the bus turns around and snaps al capone died of a broken heart well off i go uh yeah that's why he was involved in the saint valentine's day massacre oh was that him uh maybe yeah it was a gangster thing yeah it's a gangster thing um i believe it was syphilis

yes syphilis was what did in al capone really untreated yeah untreated and he because he was in prison yeah i think it attacks your nervous system. Right. If you don't get a little bit of the old squeaker on the old peaker. Which is what I call antibiotics. Yeah, a little squeaker on the peaker. The cutest way I've ever heard somebody deal with STDs. If you went to the doctor and that's how they talked about it.

Oh, we'll just have to apply a little squeaker to your beaker so that you won't die like uh al capone yes of a broken heart um well that uh brings us to the end of this here episode dj what would you like to plug what uh what what do you got going on out there i got a podcast and youtube show called definitely dj what would you like to plug what uh what what do you got going on out there i got a podcast and youtube show called definitely dj so check that out it's uh every thursday new episodes so you can find that anywhere you listen to podcasts or watch it on youtube nice um well thank you so much for being a guest today this was a really really uh this was a treat thanks for having me back guys i appreciate it yeah of course of course anytime um graham i'm i would like to plug something yeah go ahead i think it's probably out now although i haven't recorded it yet i i am

this week's guest i think on uh retail Nice. Our rival podcast, which I will be recording in about 45 minutes from now. Oh, wow. Okay. Man, two podcasts in one night. I know. It's a marathon. Yeah.

I've been pacing myself this whole time, guys. Sorry. But yeah, if it's a marathon. I felt like you were holding something back. Yeah. Pushing 40 in the friend zone.

Well, thank you so much, DJ, and thank you to all the listeners out there that listen to the show. Even though DJ says not to say it, I'm going to say be safe, take care of yourself, and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself.