Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 666 - Mike Mitchell

Episode Date: December 22, 2020

Mike Mitchell from the Doughboys podcast joins us to talk the devil, gingerbread houses, and corporate Christmas parties. Plus, our annual Secret Santa gift exchange.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody and welcome to episode number 666 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always is a man who he's always running with the devil, Mr. Dave Shumka. Yeah, this is episode 666. It's also our Christmas episode. So this is like when I, I guess I meet the devil at the crossroads and I sell my soul to be able to play, you know, boogie woogie jingle bells like Brian Setzer. Yeah. And then you give away your soul and then the person that you're giving a gift to also. Oh, yeah.

And it's a real gift of the satan uh-huh um our uh our guest today uh we're just thrilled to have him here on the podcast uh you may know him from his podcast the dough boys and you can donate to that podcast through their patreon uh called the double the dough boys double double double it's mike mitchell everybody hello everybody thanks for having me thank you The Doughboys Double. Doughboys Double. It's Mike Mitchell, everybody. Hello, everybody. Thanks for having me. Thank you, Mike. I don't think we call it donating.

I don't know. Oh, no. It's supporting. Yeah, yeah. Hey, we'll take it. We'll take it. We'll take the donations. Yeah, tithing.

This time of year, send your donations over to Doughboys. Yeah. They're in need. The Doughboys are in need. Oh, send your money anywhere else but we have a double yeah a great a great christmas gift uh i guess yeah uh but uh donate to uh to causes that need it instead of us first i'd say that was that would be no you guys need yeah yeah who's gonna who's gonna i mean how many times do you need to relitigate steak and shake or whatever that's very true hey if you guys want to say if you guys want to hear a steak and shake seven you know who to donate to we need the donations

listeners like you um so do you want to get to know us yeah now mitch can i call you mitch of course okay good thank you so much for being here um i'm a big fan of the dough boys i'm a you know what i donate to the dough wow yeah we we gotta have you guys this is i'm jumping the gun here but we gotta have you guys. This is I'm jumping the gun here, but we're going to have you guys on at some point. Yeah, sure. We'll cover White Spot Triple O's. Yeah. Or maybe Swish LA. Have you been to Swish LA yet? I've never been to a Swish LA. I don't believe ever in my life.

I know I've heard of them before, but I've never been to one. You've been to. I came and saw you both times you were in Vancouver. You did Jappa Dog and A&W. Yes. w yes yeah by the way do you know what a and w stands for um my guess is that you know i have no idea i figured maybe it was an andrew lloyd weber thing and it is yeah correct it is andrew weber andrew ever um i i i'd be remiss if i didn't It is Andrew Weber. Andrew Weber. I would be remiss if I didn't tell you it stands for hamburgers and whoop beer. Wow.

Is that really what it is? No. It's Allen and Wright or something. Yeah. Allen and Wright. I thought that was like a... So A&W is that... So here's the thing I should know.

We reviewed it. Weiger would know this i'm sure but it's a very big canadian chain yeah but it a and w didn't start in canada did it or is or or am i wrong is it a canadian company no it's american okay and then the business is split in two and one went into canada and the other just stayed in the states and so we're not related to your a and w yeah wow okay we're also uh canadian toys r us is completely different as well yeah because they're not out of business here yeah yeah yeah i was gonna say still exists which is to me heartbreaking i my my first time playing a mario 64 on a nintendo 64 was in a toys r us it was like yes honestly

to this day still probably one of the best like moments of my life i don't think that that's that bad to say it was it was an amazing moment yeah and it's uh you know what you'll carry it with you for the rest of your life these are memories made to last i have a question and no one will be able to answer this what did the restaurant a and aw come first or the root beer uh my guess is my guess is root beer but oh you know what that's a good that is a great question like did they reverse engineer a restaurant based around what would be good with root beer burgers yeah yeah uh that's a good question i imagine root beer's been around since like the old west or something like that yeah like sarsaparilla that's like good question I imagine root beer's been around since like the old west or something like that yeah like sarsaparilla that's

like an old timey also big fermented beverage big swing by them what would go good with root beer burgers yeah no shit you fucking so Mitch when our listeners noticed that we were creeping up on episode 666 yeah uh we had a

few suggestions uh a few people asked you should get mitch on the show because he's afraid of the devil i am i am i am afraid i mean who in their right mind isn't afraid of the devil i guess is the better question besides god himself maybe i guess isn't afraid of the devil i guess is the better question besides yes god himself maybe i guess isn't afraid of the devil yeah what does god think of the devil is god like oh you little scamp yeah because it's like he was formerly in god's organization right yes so he was like dave mustaine yes is the devil to the rest of metallica lars is god and l God. Well, that's what my bumper sticker says. That is. And the battle between heaven and earth was, I don't know.

It was one. That song won. That song's pretty badass. I remember when in high school, like every year we would have a big assembly for Remembrance Day, what you call Veterans Day in America. year we would have a big assembly for remembrance day what you call veterans day in america and there would be like a guy someone from the jazz band would play taps on the bugle and then there would be like a four minute uh uh like video montage of war footage to set to metallic is it one is that the one where the guy's like bandaged up yeah i like he's talking about like basically that guy who's like talking about like having been like new york grenade right and i think

that and then it's like i like i don't remember anything and i can't tell if it's dark or light or whatever it's like a fucked up song where it's like a guy who's been like blown to pieces basically and it's still alive yeah but insane but i just want to say insane choice for a montage and i think it was maybe like it was that and pink floyd's uh mama do you think they'll drop the bomb that's insane wow it was a weird like we had some i guess our av department was all just burnouts yeah i think this is like specific to your school because i would have gotten so into remembrance day if it had a mentalica connection um but yeah we didn't do we didn't get to watch any video we just had to stand in the gym and stare at our feet for that minute and then there was always somebody

who made a noise and everybody cracked up uh-huh that yeah that was yeah my my as like when there was an assembly at north quincy high school where my mom worked there were always it would always it would if someone would make a noise or there would be a fight would break like a lot i remember there was like a big fight there was like a giant a big assembly and then like a giant fight broke out and my mom and my mom was in the middle of like the fight and i was and i was up in the stands like cheering for my mom i remember like being like yeah mom like cheering for my mom to break it up see that's another great moment that you carry with you for the rest of your life yeah isn't that sad though with that nintendo 64 moment that that might be like a deathbed thing if i have any sort of

children of offspring of any kind to be like reminiscing about that moment in toys are us, where I played Mario 64, it's like, shouldn't I, I should do something better. Right. I mean, I'm hoping that that's not one of my last moments,

but to this day, I've seen a lot of cool things in my life. Well, I mean like not a lot of cool things, but I've seen some good things in my life. Name the top five, top five cool things. Right now.

Number one is that maro 64 moment like it's i mean he's really putting him on the spot right now yeah but there are there's things like that that are like dumb things that are just crammed their way to the front of my brain yeah that i will remember forever finding a weird uh porno magazine in my friend eric's uh dad's toolbox that's that's like more magical than sometimes like because like the magic in your brain when you're 13 years old or 14 years old is so much stronger than when you're like you know like 18 or in your 20s or 30s so like it doesn't shit doesn't matter as much anymore like no that's true that that porno mag that stayed with you too and for a reason it

makes it makes sense that it's yeah how like to to be able at this point in your life would you be able to what how great would the porno mag have to be to make an impression in your life right now yeah i mean it would have to fall out of a huge toolbox like it would have to fall out of a whole home depot oh man yeah but like um yeah playing a video game in a store that seems like that's just like of a very specific time i'm i can't think of a memory that i have that's like that at the moment like i so you so you'll just you'll just not say a word on your deathbed no yeah my deathbed i'll be like anyone else does what you you're the ones all surrounding me what did you guys come here to talk about i feel like i'm putting you out would anyone else like to share that's like your final words

yeah uh what do you think he meant by that um okay back to the devil oh you know what i can i can even connect i can cross i can cross toys r us with the devil perfect yeah when i was very young there was like some sort of like ghostly ghost show like in the vein of sightings or something like along those lines that featured a toy store that was haunted by some sort of devil ish creature or ghost or whatever i think it was a and i believe it was a canadian toys r us but i'm not sure but and i'm sure that people listening will know this but there was there was a there was a and i remember being like so scared like so terrified of this haunted toys r us

as a kid and then i watched the video probably like three years ago i found it on youtube and it was the least scary thing i'd ever seen in my life but but regardless of that i'm still afraid of the devil but like now when you go back and you have have undone something that you were scared of for so long this this uh video thing do you feel like also you could you could in the future can you get ahead of this fear of the devil can you think you'd be able to undo that if if you met the devil say you'd be like he's not so bad i first of all i will never meet the devil and say he's not too bad i uh i think that i even still to this day like if i went to a house that people were like this house is like haunted especially if i was alone if i was with people i'd be able to like deal okay with it but if i was alone i would be genuinely scared and i like yeah there's something about like i never want to

see anything ever i never i like and like i know that people are like you won't see anything ever because like nothing exists and i'm like i get that but i do believe in i think i believe in like residual energy or something like i i kind of do believe in like i've been in like weird places and then have been like that felt weird or and then and then like people have said that it was haunted or whatever i don't have any powers i don't have any psychic powers or anything like that you're you grew up catholic i grew up catholic yeah did you go to church regularly we we went to but we were also like the family that was like bad at going to church but then that also meant that we like went almost every weekend you know what i mean

like yeah sure when i when i when i was younger like we had you were supposed to go to church on sunday up until i was like maybe in middle school and then it kind of just started to fall off when i was around middle school because i went i i went to the united church of canada which is very uh hippie dippy yeah drum circles and whatnot hippie jesus that's great um and there was i don't remember any talk about the devil i don't remember him ever like uh showing up there were no uh scary etchings they showed us what was how much how present was the devil in the church you grew up in i think like a lot of the devil stuff is like a lot of kids, young kids will do it themselves. Like young, like.

Yes. I also think that growing up in the 80s, I was born in 82. I'm an old fuck. Younger than us. No, really? You guys look, you guys look great. I look like shit. This is 40.

Wow. This is all our Toys R Us. We didn't have to deal with the struggle of losing toys are us. So that takes years off a person. You see, this is 40. Wow. Have you guys eaten any cupcakes out of the trash?

That is, that's, that's the, this is 40 sign. Oh, I don't remember. I, the only thing I remember is like he had to like,

uh, get a hand mirror and look at his own butthole. Oh yeah. that probably happened that i that i do on the regular yeah yeah i did that the first time when i was 25 i've never looked back um the uh the thing you were talking about like going in haunted houses i know what you're talking about like going into a house and feeling like something is not right here yeah and and especially when when somebody else says, yeah, it feels like there's some, like, I don't know if they're humoring me or if it's, if they actually feel like it's scary as well. So I've felt that, but I've never seen anything. Never seen anything cool.

I think, I think, I think I believe in that residual energy thing. I think also, like I said, I was born in 82 and i i and you guys you guys know how the 80s were you you were you were right there with me like freddy krueger jason chucky there were a lot of things that just like in that time period there cindy lopper cindy lopper yeah leprechaun leprechauns uh cindy lopper leprechaun janet jackson yeah yeah uh amelda marcos max headroom but a lot of like i felt like horror was i mean it was it was the peak probably the peak of horror right in the in the 80s yeah yeah so i think that just like a lot of those scary movies when i was younger and then like my friend's mom the two foes mrs two foe would tell us first of all she told us the house up

there was haunted the house yes that would set it up though so that was that was a one big thing and then also she like told us like old biblical stuff about like the three days of darkness and stuff stuff that's like in like pamphlets that they hand out like like that like yeah it was like crazy people hand out about like how one day it will go dark for three days and like you have to put holy water around your house and if you look out the window like you turn to a stone or you turn into a demon or some bullshit like she told us she told us all about these things and that i think that scared the shit out of me a little bit too but like yeah definitely grew up with like my grandma was was religious enough and my grandpa like they watched church or and went to church you know and then watched it

every sunday oh the worst yeah like they wouldn't record their church and then watch it they would watch another church somewhere there was a they went to a church with a mirror on the ceiling so they could watch they like I'd go over there for TGIF I remember eating pizza and watching Urkel and watching like the full TGIF lineup when I was like in elementary school and then if I slept over there on like Saturday or Sunday night

I'm sorry Friday or Saturday night I feel like they'd even watch church on Saturday but they would in the morning like at 9 a.m they'd 9 a.m they usually watch church and they try to make me watch it but they were also good and like just sleep you know you're a kid just just sleep yeah just sleep is better than forcing a kid to watch to watch it they don't understand at all like yeah like uh there's it just is going right through your head it is just church is terrible

for a kid. It's awful. I feel like putting together childhood memories is a lot like putting together what happened in a dream.

Because you're like, so we went to, yeah, I definitely remember watching TGIF and then going to church. But wait,

there must have been a day in between. That's, yes. And you know what? I'm wondering, she maybe watched

church on Saturday or like it was that thing of like, I just stayed at. Or was watching uh saturday night on nbc with the golden girls and empty nest well that for sure also happened and also i'm like maybe she just took me for the whole weekend my parents just went to town or something yeah yeah that's right your parents were doing the devil's work i do consider that i do that's what i still call it to this day is the devil's work which is very confusing the three days of darkness that's not that many days i mean

the first day you'd be like this is freaky and then the second day you'd be kind of used to it and the third day you just be walking out out the door it's you'd be kind of used to it. And the third day, you'd just be walking out the door. It's, you know, who cares? Especially after this year. It's like, we stayed in for a long time. I think staying in for three days straight. I think it also, it's like, the devils come for the sinners or whatever. Sure.

How do you picture the devil? Hmm. The devil, I mean, classically, he's a big horned man. Yeah. Like, you mean horny? He's a big horned man. tim like you mean horny like he's horned i also think he is also very he is sure the devil himself is definitely also is he like ripped i think he's strong as hell yeah i think i think that he's buff i think he's like the type of guy like if you're like if you're like out at the store or whatever you see like a huge buff guy like that guy's huge i think that's, that's the devil.

It's a similar situation where he's buff enough that you're going to, he's going to turn heads. He's huge. Yeah. I remember when I was in college, a guy I knew not very well, but I thought I knew him better than this. He got a tattoo of that little cartoon devil.

That's like from the Richie Rich universe. Yeah. Yeah. Casper's Casper's enemy or friend? Yeah, and was his name like Hotfoot or something like that? Yeah. Or like Little Stinker or something like that. Yeah, and this guy got

like a pretty big tattoo on his shoulder. I think it was his first tattoo and it was the late 90s. It was a bit unusual for people to have a tattoo. Not that unusual, but for that to be your first hat like it just seemed what if he went into a tattoo artist and said draw satan on me and that was the only thing that two artists can do he went through that huge book and that

was it was it was that kind of thing where he was like yeah yeah i yeah, I'll just get that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. My friend Joe, Joe Tormey, he got a tattoo that said tattoo. It just said tattoo. And then he got a tattoo on his back that said ha, ha, ha, just ha, ha, ha. And like now I think that he always just did things as

a joke and then now in hindsight it's like such like a jokerish tattoo that I wonder how he feels about it now where he's like well this like looks like i'm being like i'm crazy ha ha ha which was never the point of it but you know what joey you shouldn't have fucking got it you fucked up and you gotta stop wearing that green wig that's it's only making it worse for you do you have any tattoos mitch i do not know i think that as an adult still my mom would still be pissed at me to this day if i got a tattoo and not not only that but that's not the reason why i don't get one but

i also think that i would want to wash it off like i think that like yeah if i if i saw something on my skin that was like a blood like i would want to like scrub it off my body i think and so i so i don't think i should ever i should ever get one or at least one i can ever see like maybe it was like in the middle of my back i like maybe or actually you know there's a lot of places i can't see and i did not just the middle of my back when i was a kid my parents both said they would uh they would abandon me if I ever got a tattoo. And then my mom got a tattoo like a couple years ago, which was the ultimate turnaround, the ultimate fake out.

I got a question for you. Yeah. Did she abandon you shortly after that? Yeah. But I was like, oh, I got it twisted. If you get a tattoo, then you'll abandon me. Okay. Yeah. No, I don't'll abandon me okay yeah no i don't have any tattoos dave you don't have any tattoos no i'm no i i like them but i they're not for me

yeah they're not for me i've seen ones i like yeah yeah and i feel like i feel confident in that now i were like in the past i feel like maybe i would if like a group of if i was gonna say a group of kids i couldn't be a random group of kids but that probably would work too i feel like a group of kids actually that would probably work now if a group of kids came up to me they're like get a tattoo and i'd be like no and they're like do it i'm like oh fine i'd probably just get bullied yeah sure i'll get the cartoon devil yeah you kids rule i would do whatever i would but back in the day i think that's why parents try to scare you so much is because that is just the thing a kid could show up with is a tattoo and you're like oh

fuck but um i never i never had the urge to do it maybe just i don't know if i'm a dork but i'm i'm comfortable in that now i don't need it i don't need a tattoo it doesn't it's not going to make me look any cooler i don't think no you've maxed out how cool you look yeah it's i'm maxed out if i got a tattoo i would want it all like my whole upper torso so i could just freak people out like at the beach one time i feel like that would be all worth it if i like uh what are the the japanese ones that the yakuza have where they're dragging going across their whole body i guess i can't do that because i'm not the yakuza yet have they ever let in a uh comedian a white guy comedian into the yakuza yes tim allen's in the yakuza oh is he really okay wow um yeah like did you when

you were growing up did you have a friend that had a tattoo because i knew one guy that had a tattoo as a like a child as like a yeah like kind of a 13 14 year old i knew i knew that's joe that was when joe was getting them and then like a couple other people got them around them but then also i think that they were always kind of like like kind of secretive or hidden it's funny when like a guy gets like a tattoo on his foot and it's like you just were you didn't want to like you were afraid to get a tattoo is the clear that's right well he wears i wear a lot of gladiator sandals and um yeah and like people always said that it hurts but now it just seems like i watch a tattoo reality show and it doesn't seem like anybody's wincing or anything like that yeah so is that was that just

a made-up thing or the tattoo needles used to be bad or something i think it's gotta still hurt i think they just added out that part because it's repetitive i don't know i did tim allen joined the yakuza when he was in jail for that yes yeah yeah and then he snitched he snitched on the yakuza and that's why they let him wow they let him out yeah tough but fair uh so we've established that the the devil is a broad-chested uh fella or woman it was or is the devil always in the male category i'll go so i'll say this i think that the devil is is is no gender gender i guess gen maybe gender neutral i think the devil can be um can be male female it can be anything it wants to be i think that's right

the devil can take many forms uh so i've heard um so you know like sometimes it would i think it will be it will look buff and tim tim curry from legend-esque yeah so scary yeah that was yeah that's a very scary devil but other times it could be a sweet old lady you know what i mean um that denzel washington movie what was it called where the devil jumped from person to person oh i don't know this one training day yeah it was training it was training day so it was his character is actually kind of a nice guy and then when he does all that bad stuff the devil is has jumped into him a little bit uh yeah uh and like that was what was your understanding of the devil that he could jump into you and then you would be possessed? Yes, I do.

I think we may have, uh, like, uh, overplayed our hand by booking Mitch as our devil expert. Hold on. I got some more, uh. Okay. All right. Okay. More details. Here we go.

Uh, Cerberus is his dog. Uh-huh. Okay. Yeah. That's it. That's actually my last fact that i knew okay so satan is like he could be anything uh or it can be anything but also has a dog that it has to take care of there is also there is a dog

oh you know is that is the denzel washington movie called fallen let's see i'm gonna find out um but i i exorcist is one of the scariest movies i think yeah that's how old were you when you saw it for the first time i was i was i was very i like not watching the whole thing but i was a young i would say not teens probably like 10 11 12 probably somewhere in there did you know a kid that was obsessed with horror movies when you were that age like uh a kid whose parents were kind of neglectful so that they were watching horror movies at age 12 oh 100 yeah i mean like i watched way too many horror i like i remember like being forced because my sister was in fifth grade when i was in first grade right so like that was like

the sort of like kids who were going into middle school watch scary movies so i remember like being forced to like watch child's play and being so so scared of child's play i told this on the before but i like a very vivid possibly night terror where i thought a mickey mouse doll grabbed my arm that is scary yeah because mickey's supposed to be on your side but all of a sudden yeah he's on the offensive and so that yes the movie is fallen by the way the denzel move uh washington what about devil in the blue dress that's also denzel isn't it that's that was his he had a devil stretch for a period yeah sure but as far as like the like my like my mom and my grandma didn't but i also do think like the fear of going to

hell was probably a fear i had for a while you know what i mean like yeah don't do you lose it are you not afraid of hell anymore i'm not afraid of hell anymore no which is you know that's what that's when they that's when they get you yeah yeah big mistake yeah i'm just starting to be afraid of hell but hey this is 40. there is a long stretch in in in this is 40 where paul rudd is terrified of going to hell yeah he thinks he can see it in his butthole there was my friend said that he saw on cnn that the pope said there was no hell and it was he saw it as just like the little scroll along the bottom of the screen it wasn't even a major news story it's like pope says there's no yeah which to me too early to call it pope don't you think yeah yeah let's see when we start uh let's count

count up the souls yeah i mean i don't know why you jumped the gun on that i mean like he's the cool pope so that's that's helpful yeah did you see the two popes i did you know what i loved the two popes i thought it was a good movie i liked it i love it all right i watched it last uh i guess new year i was traveling i was in a hotel in london and i watched it and i like wow that was the last time i traveled and that's what i did i sat in my hotel room and watched the two folks i was back here and i watched it with my with my mom for we uh when when you when you work in the entertainment business you get you get emailed you get not emailed you get mailed screeners sometimes email too but you get mailed screeners and i bring them back here and i share them with

my mom and your hero but the two pups i think was just a netflix movie right yeah um yes so not not not nearly as cool and you're you're in your uh in your native city that's right yep and your mom is your whole family there my mom is here my dad has passed away uh definitely not with the devil he was a good guy okay good to hear and then my sister lives nearby she is a elementary school principal. Oh, wow. Nice. So kind of terrifying in these times in the States. Yeah.

But you know what? I'll tell you this. I was just in the car with my mom. We were out getting some groceries and stuff like that. My mom and sister talked about watching church on Christmas Eve. They're going go they're gonna watch church on tv on christmas eve that's the hot night that's their night that they've been working up towards the whole year just stay up till midnight they might stay up till midnight i think there was a 3 p.m one oh well yeah but fellas let me tell you while they're upstairs watching fucking church you know i'm coming down to the basement to jack off that's right you find that you really should believe in hell

um the uh you go back every year i do go back every year yeah but but usually you get all your podcasting done before you go back yes and this year you've been staying with your mom and continuing to do the podcast what does your mom think of uh the like weekly meals you have to eat now and that she has to eat now too she has been eating them with me she's like mad at it like it like it is a sort of thing of like she gets mad at what i eat and and and in a very this is 40 way i brought up the cupcakes i have snuck a i've snuck a burger in from here from time to time where i've eaten it and then had to throw like the wrapper and bury it in the trash somewhere yeah yeah um she still

gives me a lot of crap yeah it's uh where is your favorite place to shame eat Eat? Is it in the house? Is it out of the house? Is it in the driveway? Is it in the car? Yeah, exactly. You know what? It used to be probably here in the basement and then probably in like non COVID times,

it would be like, I'd bring it back to here in the basement and eat it and then get rid of it. COVID times it's, you got to do it in the car, but I haven't been able to do it too, too much. I've,

I've, uh, like usually if we're like having little cheats, I'll just do extra cheats on top of our cheats is what i'll do is i'll like i gotta go pick up like bk because we're gonna review it and i'll bring it all back here and then like i'll shove a shovel like another whopper in my mouth before i get home which that's not even fun that's like that's not good for anybody yeah but like when your your mind is set on it and you need to scratch that itch by having like yeah yeah you gotta imagine also if i just got caught right now and you guys

witness my mom coming in and i start i just started crying look at this wrapper i found in your under your pillow that's my when i was in high school my dad found a bunch of empty beer cans under my bed and then he went to my sister and he was like don't put your beer cans under michael's bed and my sister my sister was 21 at the time no need for her to do that at all but yeah but that rules that yeah yeah wow it was great for me that's how you know you're the favorite but they also knew that i was like a fucking my dad called me the weasel so he knew that i was like a little asshole well you're you that's because you're so much like Pauly Shore. Yeah, that's right. You go to 7-Eleven, you stick your head underneath the slurping machine.

That is, you know what? Every time, now this is like you're saying, it's like a dream. I'm thinking back to the past and I'm like, I'm like, every time he's called me the weasel, he'd be like, hey buddy, it's the weasel. He'd tell me to wheeze the juice in the morning. What if your parents were really into Psure when he was popular like your dad was like uh son there's something thawing in the backyard it's big i don't i mean keep an eye on it might be cool but just like parents that drag

their kid to every new polysure film the kids are like no no jury duty for me yeah and yeah man there used to be so much money in hollywood that poly shore is like still a very wealthy person to this day he just used to be i went to la a couple years ago and i was in i was right next to encino and i remember thinking oh i bet the title encino man was like a funny title to people who live in la like here it was just like yeah it's the name of the movie yeah where that's where the man is from but i bet like some executive was like encino man yes buy it yeah this is great yes uh insular bullshit basically yes but like i don't like i know that polly shore's mom ran the or around or in the comedy store oh i'll tell you mitzi shore she ran the store baby

but yeah preach but like was he bad or was he just like uh because he was he made a ton of movies so somebody must have been watching them right i think that there's like a mixed feeling on sure i mean like i think i don't want to i don't want to say that the guy sucks because like i i've never had experience with him i know that a lot of people think he's kind of a tough guy to deal with is from from what i've heard but like he i think that some people gave him shit back in the day because his mom ran the comedy store that he kind of got himself into like a good position or whatever but hey you know what the weasel had something that we uh that we all we all lobbed on to at some point that's true there's something magnetic about him and the work speaks for itself that's right yes the work yes the work truly speaks for itself speaks for itself biodome and

but if he has a comeback like uh a grumpy old man-esque movie where he's an old guy and he's still wheezing the juice and um you know maybe maybe brendan frazier's in it as well is this a project that can get off the ground it's called malibu man i mean you know what an encino man sequel probably could get off the ground now but yes yeah brendan fraser the first mummy one of the all-time great movies he's he's a he's a he's a hollywood legend in my in my book so i feel like i feel like i think fraser still kind of works a little bit yeah he was like the voice of something that i recently saw some kind of yeah he was like the voice of something that i recently saw some kind of superhero thing he was the voice of one of the guys oh it sounds good oh really yeah

yeah so yeah that sounds real good yeah oh well i'll watch that yeah yeah yeah just go on his imdb and then you know you'll figure it out i'm looking here on his imdb and oh he was the voice of the general in the general commercial okay uh you know a gig's a gig right um yeah he's like he why did he go away i don't understand everybody liked him i think yeah i don't know hollywood is a cruel it's a cruel place it's a bad place to bad place to live bad place to do work i'll say it um do you live in la usually yes i'm back i usually come back for the holidays for about a month i get made fun of a lot just because i don't want to be in that god-awful city and i like to spend time with my family so i

come back this year i came back i came back a couple i came back a couple months ago i came back uh once uh in early september or maybe the end of august and then i went back in october for a thing and then i came back here uh a couple days before halloween so and nice. My mom quarantined over at my sister's. At one point, she hadn't started school, but at the second point, she had started school. Have you had the test? I got tested twice.

I've been tested more than twice. I've been tested probably like seven times. Really? I've been probably, even probably more than that because I did it when I was in LA at Dodgers Stadium a few times. You don't even know? Like know like you i don't know they do it in my sleep i've i've i now have gone at so many times that i i have lost track it's probably like between seven and ten times i've gotten tested do you get a little card that they punch out the thing every time and then yeah they after the 10th one you get uh you get

covid weirdly they inject you with covid um have you had it graham huh have you had the test no no but i have barely left my house so i think i have to get it uh tomorrow oh wow like i because i i have a cold right now i think but i haven't i just got the symptoms like 24 hours ago and you have to wait a while peace of mind will be good yeah well my daughters both had the test this past week and they were both negative so i think i got it from them but i might as well just that's that's what that's what everyone has been saying is like oh like people forget that there's still like a cold like colds and flus and that stuff is like still easy to catch yeah yeah even outside of outside of coped so but it seems to like minor league now if you complain to anybody about the flu they're like that's that's last year's problem man

they will yeah they won't you can't even get the flu shot i mean they're like you're going to get the flu shot i mean they're like you're going to get the flu shot and they're like get the fuck out of here graham and i both got the flu shot on the same day yeah really we ran into each other at the drugstore wow that's responsible yeah we're a couple of responsible adults and it's something to do like honestly it was a fun activity yeah nothing's open so let's go get flu shots why did you get so many uh tests well just because for one reason was that i had to um because i flew back uh i flew back and you know i flew to quincy then i flew back to la and then i flew back to quincy so that was i did it at a time where i felt safe doing it which was which was great i would be terrified to fly right around now honestly

but um that's that's the for for every time i flew i got i got tested before and after right so that so that alone was was a few times so one two three four right off the bat and then i i shot a commercial i shot progressive commercials uh during the pandemic you play flow is that right i'm i'm the new flow people do not like it oh yeah yeah people really dig into that flow yeah people like flow they decided to change it to a big fat white guy people do not appreciate that and i understand it but it tested well and so that's why they look good with the little the little haircut with a little bob i don't know what kind of haircut it is they tested the commercial but you know unfortunately they tested just in quincy massachusetts was the only test area so there's like a lot of friends and family they liked you know they liked seeing me

but you know now no uh i uh i was i'm i'm one of my name is actually marcus marcus and mark were the two were the progressive line people uh i don't know i mean that might be done now honestly but uh for a few commercials we were the we were the the yardsman the yard the yard markers and uh oh right right right it's like football football yeah yeah we were we were we actually you know what just when i opened up my email to to click on a link to join you guys it was there there there was my fucking fat face i'd never seen it before in the in the wild it was uh it was one of the aol commercials uh advertisements on the side i use aol email still yeah you're one of our uh now connecting to people through email to do the podcast uh

you're our second aol wow do you want to guess who the first is it's someone who you've had on your show hmm it's a wrestler yeah it's a wrestler wow so either colt or joey it's colt it's cold he's a colt guy mine dude i love colt yeah that's great and there's somebody we had one person that had a hotmail i think that's the only time time hotmail reared its ugly head it was obama right yeah it was obama here and you know what he's his it's just obama at hotmail but they did it was weird we did it over uh skype skype what year is this 2019 i can't say why do we do it over soon and he said because i have a skype account yeah i have to i have like eight eight Skype dollars I need to use.

We just talked about this on Doughboys just a week ago. But what happened to Skype? They fumbled. They fumbled the ball, man. Yeah, because they were the go-to. And they would have dominated around this time. Full disclosure, we use something called Squadcast. That's right.

It's basically Zoom. But had any of you use zoom before the pandemic i never even heard of zoom before i never heard of zoom oh i had used it before oh okay one company my company works with uses zoom so uh but only like as of like december of last year had i heard of it. It sucks. Just like most of the other ones suck. That's their slogan going into this. Zoom sucks, but just like the rest of our competitors. Yeah, but it came out of, it feels like it came out of nowhere and they've dominated. And yeah, what has Skype been up to?

What have you done for me lately skype skype is owned by msn or microsoft i say i say msn uh because i've had my covid shot and now i'm uh the wow the overlord uh bill gates is uh yes controlling my thoughts fuck that covid that that fucking covid shot turns into a fucking left wing cuck yeah it does and uh you know what it's uh they're not gonna control me man no masks no social distancing they actually won't give me the covid shot because i'm already a left-wing cuck there's like a meeting of anti-maskers in i think on christmas day downtown sizzler yeah at sizzler it's gonna be at sizzler uh this is this is another i was saying to my mom and sister

like we're gonna get up and open presents early i gotta make it to this meeting at some point but one of the things that it said on the poster was like no masks and no distancing and i was like no but some distancing though right yeah you can't it's not three-legged races or something distance yes distancing is good no matter what it's my so my my neighbors my next door neighbor who gave me a haircut out of my porch early in pandemic, like when, and not like maybe September, probably September that next door, they got COVID. And then across the street also got COVID we're safe here in my house.

But then yesterday, like when I was shot, that we had a big, we had a big snowstorm cut the power to tell some backstory at the house. We, we had a reschedule because I went down to my, that's right. Yeah.

I went to, I went to my sisters who is is a principal which is also scary so okay yes we know so i kind of blame i kind of blame you guys if we end up with covid i kind of blame you guys i know that doesn't make sense but it's fair though it's fair it's fair though i actually went to it was very uh i believed you when when graham said there was a power outage, I believed Mitch, but I did go online and I did go to the power outage map and it was weirdly just in Quincy. And it was like, it said there have been 15 power outages in this one area and 80 customers affected.

So it was like just, it was just you. It was, it was only Quincy that got it. We, we got our power went out also with a storm earlier this year. We've had, we've had, we've had multiple power outages.

So there's no, the grid isn't there. You don't have a good grid. Something's going on. That used to not happen at all. When I was, when I was younger, the snow was pretty heavy yesterday,

but also the COVID people I was shoveling with, they were out there yesterday and just huffing and puffing far far far too close it was it was it was it was close nice neighbors we love them all but but both neighbors that had had covid i was like close to and i had my mask on under how long ago did they have it yeah i mean like it's now has been two weeks or whatever but like oh sure for one family it had been only like probably like three weeks or something you know what i mean like it had not been that long do you think they maybe got it from your hair there's a possibility that they got it just from from my covid airplane hair yeah they don't they don't report that it gets passed through hair but uh you know the wig makers have made it live they they're the zoom of this whole situation yeah

wear a mask and a hair net what if that's what it was that you had to wear a hair net as well there'd be anti-hairnet people for sure oh for sure but would it be harder or less hard to wear a hair net and a mask or if you had to pick between the two mask or hair net oh boy can i wear a hat over top of the hair net yeah then hair net only like a top hat something that doesn't press down on it so so graham here's then then of course hairnet hey our hairnet a thousand times over right yeah give me that hat give me that hat that don't press into my hairnet i will say that is my neighbor's fault for bringing home my covet hair and i guess possibly eating it or putting it in their mouths i don't know how they got it. Or they made a wreath out of it.

Yeah, made a little Mitch doll that they sleep with. A hairnet. I would gladly wear a hairnet. You know, it's hard with a beard. First of all, I got a big fat face. And then I got a beard. Same here. I got a big fat face.

I got a beard. Not a good combo for those face masks. I had a beard. I'll tell you, i had a beard for three years until uh two weeks ago wow yeah i got a haircut and my kids were like hey shave your beard too and i was like let's go crazy yeah you're the boss and and now i uh wearing a mask with uh without a beard is worse oh is this well i wear glasses and so my glasses get fogged up and when i had a beard that like the hair would kind of diffuse the breath and not go right into

my glasses and now i just get fogged like a i don't know whoever gets foggy i said yeah like frosty no foggy yeah foggy the snowman foggy the snowman yeah that's how foggy it is foggy foggy the snowman it's crazy that foggy the snowman just didn't take off like frosty it was yeah bums me out he was wearing a mask and he fucked up the song it was like two eyes made out of coal and a mask you know three layers of pima cotton that's strictly that's strictly on the songwriter that's and two eyes made out of coal and a mask and a mask speaking of reverse engineering a and w out of root beer um did they what came first this frost frosty the snowman song or the tv special if for sure i think it must have been the song i say song my vote is song and like uh the tv special the guy who is frosty in it was a guy that was like rodney dangerfield in his day he was like a

one line can't remember his name but that's that's his permanent kind of claim to fame is he's the voice of frosty the snowman in that one special which is it it's not jimmy duranty is jimmy duranty in one of them uh possibly yeah it's possible i don't know was that his yeah oh you know what he might know it's it's whoever was like because frosty says happy birthday oh yeah you know what that's not this this might not seem right but this it might be like kind of a Mandela effect situation. I'm almost positive it was Pete Davidson. Oh, you know, it might be. It was Pete Davidson as the original Frosty.

He's the snowman of Staten Island. He's the snowman of Staten Island. I'm looking it up to try and figure out who this uh who was the i did jimmy durant he sings the song i looked it up oh all right jimmy so i was gonna say jimmy durant he is like the guy who's like no no no or whatever there's like a police officer oh or like the magician the magician maybe jim durant he is the maybe he's the magician i don't know it's jackie vernon jackie vernon and he was kind of like a like a one-liner uh yeah rodney dangerfield type and then that's it that's what he did and it's he's he's with us forever do you remember that he's dead but he's with us oh well okay it was like

to be a cat skills comedian like like people would like people literally said take my wife like that's that like uh i'm just saying that like uh it was it was a much it was much easier back then i was like uh yeah yeah exactly if a guy had a violin that he didn't play people were like this is great yeah i like stuff you don't have to think about too much i've recently watched i'm i watched a bunch of movies with my mom but i recently watched um singing in the rain oh yeah oh and my mom tried to like they like in the beginning they like they're like a performing duo um the the two male male stars there who I should know at least one of them, and I can't even remember any of them.

I have COVID fog. Foggy the snowman. Foggy the snowman to COVID fog. My mom was like, that's like real performance right there. And I was like, are you like saying that? Because like you think what I do now is bullshit. And it probably is part of the reason why these two guys you don't think they're more talented than me and the other guy from the progressive

commercial gene kelly and whoever else you need mark and marcus no way yeah well now with the hollywood movie magic they just take your face and then green screen the dancing part. Yeah. You don't need to be able to do stuff on camera because there's no other way to do it. And they make you dance with a Swiffer or whatever. Yes. Yes. Dave, what's going on with you, man?

Well, it's the last episode before Christmas and it's the holiday season. So whoop-dee-doo and hickory dock. christmas and uh it's the holiday season so whoop-dee-doo and hickory dock um and i uh today is the last day of uh school that school is in session and i do uh graham you're not a christmas person no you're you're like a melania type yeah uh who gives a fuck well you know there's a shit about christmas is what i say on the phone to everybody mitch are you a christmas man i love christmas i do i it says as much as i hate the devil i love christmas as much as i hate that evil devil wait you're oh melania that's right she hated she didn't want to put up the she didn't want to put that shit up yeah yeah but is it because she hated Christmas or she's just like, fuck, man, when is this whole charade going to be over?

It's a great question. But I'm a big Christmas person. And so much so that, like, I, to me, the week, like, what, in your mind, what is the better week of school? The last week before Christmas or the last week before summer vacation? Oh, the one before summer vacation is brutal it's so because they're keeping you they're keeping you inside and uh you just keep looking out the the window and that one kid that always skips classes out there kicking a ball around it is tricky because like that last week before the end of the year is like there's pressure because you're like finishing up a grade and so I feel

like there's like some shit that you always have to be doing but also at the same time like when you're younger especially like it's just like I'm done with this grade and like fuck this teacher I didn't like that much I'm on to the next one but but that week before Christmas

also I feel like there is like sometimes there's like some tests and stuff but like the few days before christmas are pretty it's a sweet spot where it's just yeah i just remember like i have that's a very warm memory for me it's like the last week where it's like yeah they're doing square dancing in the gym and for some reason there's free popcorn and like we're gonna watch the grinch in class i had a thing when i was in elementary school i think i've talked about on the podcast before but they had a thing where you had to show up early and sing christmas carols in the gym but it was mandatory it wasn't you had to show up before

school started and sing christmas carols that were like the lyrics were on an overhead projector wow yeah it sounds like now looking back on it it seems especially weird that it was this mandatory uh it was like the remembrance day but uh with more singing less metallica well one metallica song well yeah we there was probably a bit of metallica yeah enter enter sandman enter yeah enter snowman yeah snowman thank you um so i, uh, my favorite Christmas treat is gingerbread. Uh, like, uh,

and not gingerbread, like gingerbread men and gingerbread houses with tons of icing on them. It's great. Not the, the like spicy gingerbread itself, but just like the sugar. Sriracha. Yeah.

Sriracha. Frank's red hot gingerbread man oh god that's another thing about shaving your beard is spicy food is now all over your face yes yeah it's my lips burn now but anyway uh and so i love uh i love gingerbread men and i used to get them at the store up the street i don't need a fancy one from a bakery and they just sell them at the grocery store. But they have a new brand now that I don't like. The brand I liked before was called Trump's Foods. Wow, here we go.

They literally had to put a sign on their wrapper saying, this is a 20-year-old female-owned company that has nothing to do with a similarly named company that's that's so sad that's the saddest that's that's so sad like you gotta change the name you know i mean i think you just gotta change the name i will bet a large amount of money that there is some sort of trump gingerbread man kit that you can buy oh yeah this season or in in the past that's too dark so i i went to uh i was shopping around for different gingerbread men and i went i found this bakery that sells stuff online and they also sold like gingerbread house kit like something they get

those i've seen those pre-packaged kits before and we've tried them and they're just a little bit they get those, I've seen those pre-packaged kits before. I know we've tried them and they're just a little bit off. Uh, and I got this one from a bakery. And so we, we built it. My,

my wife and my two daughters, uh, last weekend we got together. Uh, I had to like, you know, glue or not glue, like put icing up the sides and like let it dry.

So I could work on different parts of the house at different times. Gingerbread siding. Yes. Gingerbread, of course the gingerbread siding. Yes, of course, the gingerbread siding. And then finally put it all together, decorated it. And I got to tell you, it ruled. It was like...

Wow. The kids loved it. They liked sticking candy to it. I thought it was going to be a disaster, but it came together pretty well. And I was like, and i was like my wife was like hey are you uh so we'll just keep this around for a couple weeks leading up to christmas and i was like no it's not a decoration i'm eating it i'm gonna eat it this is my dinner

and tomorrow's breakfast wow and like i'm eating it fast too because it's gonna go rock hard uh very soon because it's read that magazine down yeah it's a very horny i was gonna say i didn't know if you were talking about yourself or the gingerbread baby i gotta get this i gotta get this in me soon it's uh and then we i i was gonna say we ate it i ate most of it and my wife was like you're not gonna eat all that and i was like well okay if you say that i won't uh but i like i i pretty much demolished the roof and you know half of the the sides of it and then i just left it on the counter for a week and it smelled so good it was just like i would just go by every you know a couple times a day and cop a whiff of it and it was so great and i was like

well like we can't keep this like destroyed house out for another week. Yeah. Because squatters will get in there. Exactly. Uh, but I was like, Oh, can I,

uh, I was thinking of like, can I put it in a blender and keep it in a bottle or a jar that I like open up and dear God sniff. Why don't you just buy a candle that i like open up and dear god sniff why don't you just buy a candle that sounded like cinnamon so i didn't i didn't by the way is this is this branded content is this like a me am i in like a me undies 10 minute commercial it's been a it's a me undies whole hour long commercial yeah this is actually the pilot of it's a backdoor pilot for the me and

these sitcom like like the geico caveman tv show it's a similar do you guys remember that or am i the am i yeah yeah yeah on abc i believe crow it was nick crow who was the caveman um that's true i made this for thanksgiving and it was a kit so don't get too impressed it was a kit it is a is it gingerbread it is it's it it i don't think it was gingerbread i was thinking it was just some kind of it was frosting and cookie so that's all all the color on there is frosting and it's a turkey for the listener it's a a turkey shaped cookie thing and it i gotta say man it slaps yeah thank you very much it's three-dimensional and uh it's did you decorate it yourself i decorated myself and i gotta say like it was a kit but i will say this

it looks damn good for the kit because i don't think anyone could make it look that good like not just everyone could make it look that good yes yeah i fucking i took my time on this bad boy i was also told to do it by my mom like a child so i right i did it um did you did you keep it as a decoration or did you eat it we can we put it as we put it in like this as the centerpiece and then about like uh i'd say a week after thanksgiving i was like we should get rid of this fucking thing shouldn't we and my mom was like yeah we should get rid of it and i was like i'm gonna just like take bites of each parts of it and because now it's like it's like a week old cookie now but i mean like even in the box it was wrapped weird i don't know how good the cookie

would stay for anyways i took bites of it it was damn it was still pretty damn good it was hard you know but it was still pretty damn good so yeah um graham what's going on with you? Oh, I should say my one Christmasy thing is my lady friend gifted me a Back to the Future Playmobil advent calendar. Wow. Whoa. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's like three different things I wouldn't think would go together. And yeah, so every day has been a different it chronologically as the movie happens different little thing like it starts with marty but then he has his guitar

and the giant amp and then you get like every day you get a new thing that pushes the storyline further i just got biff today wow what today's the 18th and you just got biff yeah i just got biff and uh who knows who knows what other treats are on the way up i haven't looked at the box at all i don't know what's coming when you say it goes chronologically you mean just the first movie it doesn't start in 1885 just the first movie yeah that's true i guess yeah what if december 25th was um marty mcfly's daughter played by michael j fox yes yeah i'm not sure why that was the decision they went with where it's like we'll just play the whole family that was a fun like i guess that was uh had there been any clumps by back then no no that was pretty maybe

coming to america had had like they played multiple roles in that maybe my guess is that like in the first one michael j fox doesn't get to do any of the fun you know he doesn't get to be like there's no younger michael j fox because he's right because he's going back in time and so maybe it was that sort of thing of like hey everyone else got to do this in the they got to do like a present and past self. Right. But in the second one, he gets to do old Michael J. Fox. We're in the two neckties.

That's right. Like there's no reason for him to. He does old and young and male and female. Yeah. Yeah. You can tell he's having a ball. And so I wish him the best. But the thing that I did this past week was Erica Sigurdsson, past guest of the show, invited me to be to kind of split one of her corporates that she was doing online.

And she didn't want to do it like a corporate. Yeah. Zoom show. Christmas. Yeah. And so I did that with her. And that was the first like full show i did and uh at the beginning of the show nobody said hey take your mute off your microphone so the

comedians can hear you laugh and so it was just silent i was just saying jokes into the absolute vacuum of space and how much time did you have to do? Half an hour. Eventually. Did you do it from the very same setup you're at right now? No, I decorated a door with wrapping paper and was standing. And it was until Erica, like, sent a message to them and said, get people to take their mics, the mute off, because this is insane to watch. their mics the mute off because this is insane to watch so yeah it was uh it went all right towards the end but man oh man that first 10 minutes it was like yeah and you i guess you

this was your first how many zoom shows have you done uh not very many but no like full like you know all the ones that i've done have been seven minutes. Right. But this was a full like half hour. Just, oh boy, it was awful. And you, could you, I guess like you couldn't have been like, hey, awful quiet out there. Yeah. And the thing is, you can't see everybody in the audience.

You can only see like four or five people on the screen at once i guess you can scroll through them but i've just seen the same five people being very bored and what i just well even even if they weren't muted they would still be bored no but you know i mean i could only see four of them and so they were just sitting there the one i think the one woman was washing a dish or something and i was like, God damn it. This is off. That's worse than a heckler.

Just a woman washing a dish while you're telling jokes. But you know what? I got to say again, once again, it's just the sort of shit that these cat skill fucking hacks, these old timey cat skill comedians, they didn't have to deal with this shit. They didn't have to know. They didn't know about a mute button.'s true they had it too easy it was much easier for these assholes yeah and it was like everybody was allowed to just steal each other's jokes and they would just spend like the whole summer doing the shows for i don't know how that worked

do they just stay at the same resorts and people move through or did they move from resort to resort i think that they i think that like i i first of all this cat skills going up and doing the cat skills that was the dream job so i don't know if you came back and did that like a bunch right but i think i think you did i think you moved around i think you moved around the country i think you went i think you did your stuff from resort to reserve resort to resort but then I also think that the Catskills probably had like different people coming on a weekly basis or whatever

it's like Vegas Vegas-y are the Catskills still a thing? do people still go there? I mean they are still a thing but I think that there's like a lot of like decrepit hotels that used to be like what people went to and they're haunted by the ghosts of

hacks hacky old comedians yeah like who but back in those days like who wasn't a hack was there somebody back in the 40s and 50s who was like a visionary andy kaufman-esque character or was it just that's a good question no yeah i guess i guess i uh i'm being unfair to these people I can't name. Shecky Green. All your Sheckys. Yeah, all of the Sheckys. All the Sheckys, all the slappies. So what else, like the show, how did it go after they turned off their mutesutes oh uh well erica did very well i would say

i did less well than she did and but the i wasn't wearing socks the whole time they didn't know that i was right yeah you're like the jack johnson of comedy that's right i did i did a really long kind of meandering set sure i did a whole bit about banana pancakes um but yeah uh this is also the time of year where graham and i uh every year we we do a secret santa swap and wow um i've uh i pulled graham's name yeah and i pulled dave's Yeah. Luckily, it's not the other way around, I feel like. I mean, we've gotten lucky every year for the past 10, I think. Wow. Yeah.

We'll see what happens next year, though. Now, normally we give each other a bunch of dumb stuff that we find, and we waste money on stupid things. And this year, we thought that would be a bad idea because uh there's so uh there's people who need money that's right the doughboys double as we talked about before yes please keep the doughboys in your prayers this year um so uh graham and i decided to uh donate in each other's names to, uh, some local charities. I donated to the Vancouver chili initiative, uh, which is an organization that, uh, they

restored this beautiful old vintage fire truck and they go around spraying chili at, at risk youth. Yeah. And, uh, the lucky kids, uh, get it right in the right in the mouth they lap it up yeah they um it's they do good work yeah um no i i gave to the food bank i'm gonna give money to a donkey sanctuary that i read about so okay yeah where donkeys are they won't be persecuted uh because of their beliefs the sanctuary they're allowed to be whoever they are um but i will also on in addition to that i will donate to megaphone which is a charity here in vancouver that helps underhoused individuals

and uh dave i couldn't help but notice that you sent me some of your patented every year I give Graham some sexy Christmas couple coupons yeah and boy oh boy normally I give you a little book of them and

you can use the coupons and redeem them for whatever a hug that's the one I always redeem first. Hug, and then we go from there. But this year I had to email them to you. But you did receive them? I did. And let me see.

Here's number one. Present this coupon for breakfast in bed featuring fresh squeezed OJ, a hot cappuccino, and my world famous waffles. That's pretty good. That's out of the gates. Yeah, that'll be good.'s out of the gate that'll be good uh good for one cigar party with the boys fun i know i know you you don't like me begging on you about that hell yeah yeah pretty good right cigar party with the boys good for one neck massage good for one shrek massage oh that donkey sanctuary is gonna be uh pretty busy this year uh good for

one naughty wish although maybe i shouldn't give you this coupon because last year your naughty wish caused a global pandemic yeah yeah present this coupon and i will officially acknowledge a human rights violation of your choice oh that's good just one i'm gonna i feel like if i say it it's not gonna come true though you know no that's true yeah it's a weird wish coupon good for some high-risk sex on the train tracks uh yes please my hobo dream coming true present this coupon and I will explain the meaning of any Randy Newman song. Because you see, he doesn't actually love LA. It's satire, my boy.

It's so much more sophisticated than your precious Weird Al. Yes. Thank you. That was going to be the one I would choose. So now you've done it free of charge. I don't have to use the coupon. I mean, I guess that would be my explanation of all of them he doesn't really think short people should die he doesn't really have a friend in you that's right yeah present this coupon and i will say

yes to everything all day like in that jim carrey movie yes man oh this is good so yeah i can get it to cigar parties because i yes you know uh exactly good it's like wishing for more wishes present this coupon and i can't tell any lies all day like that jim carrey movie liar liar present this coupon and i will transform into a manic manic superhero hero when i wear a mysterious mask. A manic superhero. I've never heard of that before. This really works better when they're printed out. Yes. Yeah. This coupon is actually a card from that game Cards Against Humanity.

And it just says Boris Yeltsin's bitch tits or whatever. Yeah. It's a fun game. Good for one compliment, though. It's going to be backhanded because you sir have a lot of flaws but the thing is you could correct all your flaws with this amazing book i just read it's called dianetics it's diane keaton's autobiography pretty good pretty good yeah maybe it's too much no it's good good for one day of no farting plug it up shakespeare

if someone gave you if someone had a coupon that uh said you couldn't fart for a day how could you do it i couldn't even do it for an hour would they have to give you like a few days notice to like change your diet to actually cork my asshole i think i could maybe do it and then feel very sick the next day like uh yeah like you're just sweating weird and you're like living because i feel like in like high school when you were stuck in there all day or whatever like you sometimes you know you wouldn't do you wouldn't just be farting in the middle of high school you know what i mean you're like you i guess you go to the bathroom but and then all bets are off you know yeah yeah i could do it i think i could do it i would i maybe would die all right

well i'm willing to take that chance uh present this coupon and i'll sleep on the couch while you do your thing alone in bed i don't know what you do in there but afterwards it always smells yeasty what they call connie west um present this coupon and I will put away my phone and have a genuine connection with you. Although I don't think you realize that this phone is what puts food on our table. This phone is the reason you have such a fabulous life with all your wigs and perfume. Think about that before you present this coupon, Cheryl. I wrote way too many coupons. This is the last one.

Here we go. Enough of this coupon. Let's get our last one. Here we go. Enough of this coupon. Let's get our soup on. There you go. Thank you. Well, it's been a great year, hasn't it? Here's to many more. Should we move on to overheards?

Yeah, let's. Hi, I'm Joe Firestone. And I'm Manolo Moreno. And we host After Game Show, a podcast where listeners submit games and we play them regardless of quality with a dozen listeners from around the world. We've had folks call in from as far as Sweden, South Africa and the Philippines. Here's an example. This is a game we called Zooey Deschanel, where you turn a celebrity's name into an animal pun. You have an example, Manolo?

Brad Gorilla Pit. Oh, that's a pun on Gorilla Pit? Yep. I don't know. That's Brad Pit. Oh, okay. That's a high quality game that you can expect. Dr. Game Show has new episodes every other Wednesday on Maximum Fun.

Check us out, please. Overheard. Overheard's a segment where, you know, it gets harder and harder through this year to overhear anything. But if you're intrepid enough to go out in the world and hear something or see something, report it the podcast you can send them into spy at maximum fun.org and we always like to start with the guest mitch you told us at the beginning of the show and you have some overheards i do do you want to break them up do you want to do one and then we go around the horn back to you or do you want to do them all at once or do you have more than one i i have i have two i have two exactly all right um

should i i'll do you know i'll do that i'll do the the nice one first and the funnier one second i love it but i was picking up dinner um at this place called fish and chicken wasn't eating in i'm not a nomad but i was i was running in to get dinner to go. So tense situation, but, um, there was a kid behind the counter who was saying, I got to get more people to listen to my podcast. I got to get out of here. I think get out of here referring to maybe working at the restaurant or out

of the city of Quincy. I'm not sure what he meant, but right. Oh, but that's going to be his key to, uh, get out. You could have he meant but right oh but that's gonna be his key to uh getting out you could have been his guardian angel so that's so does this still count as an overheard i butted in oh no yeah it does it yeah okay all right great so i i i butted in i said i said what's your podcast name and he said it's called fourth and goal it's a fantasy football podcast and i said oh cool i'll

give it a listen then i walked away and i had another overheard as i was walking away and as i was walking away i heard him say to the other girl behind the counter word of mouth best way to advertise nice well i mean you you advertised it on someone else's show. Yeah, I mean, it is someone else's show. But it worked. But listen to Fourth and Goal, I guess. Give it a listen. Have you listened? I have not listened.

I was trying to look it up, and there was, like, I think a couple of them. I think there's probably a hundred called Fourth and Goal. Yes, yeah. And a fantasy football, like, advice podcast. And then there was one that was, like, Boston-based. And I was like, oh, that has to be it because he was he's a quincy guy but i'm not sure but uh that was that was one and the other one i had was funnier but i'll i'll wait to tell that one okay so we'll go around dave do you have an overheard yeah mine is uh from the next door app oh yeah yeah yeah yeah um i don't

uh i i'm rare rarely on there i don't anything, but I do like to see what people are posting. And someone was posting something about, my Samsung fridge keeps beeping, which seems like, don't post it on the Nextdoor app for people in your neighborhood to solve. Go to, like, Samsung.com. And so she had this big, long, i'm not going to read the whole thing but it was like it's this beeping is coming from the fridge it's not the beeping that you get when you

leave your fridge open and all these people were writing suggestions being like huh oh you say you keep your fridge at minus two that seems far too cold maybe it's beeping because of that uh the and then uh someone was like unplug it then plug it back in that might reset it and turn off the is far too cold. Maybe it's beeping because of that. And then someone was like, unplug it, then plug it back in. That might reset it and turn off the beeping. And she's responding to all these comments being like, oh, thank you. I tried. It keeps beeping.

Double check the freezer if you haven't. Sometimes mine is just the tiniest bit open and then it beeps. I double checked. Yeah, it's it beeps. I double-checked. Yeah, it's still beeping. And then someone else is like, perhaps you need to change the water filter. And it's just like so many of these suggestions.

Dear God. And then finally, like the next day, she writes, oh, my God, sorry, folks. Turns out the noise was from my dishwasher, which is right beside the fridge. Nice. What a journey. So thanks for troubleshooting that dear god imagine having a a fridge and a dishwasher that's amazing that can talk to each other yeah exactly that like r2d2 uh my uh overheard is courtesy of being in the pharmacy, which is,

that's my big day out going to the pharmacy and just roaming around the aisles. That's, that's my one thing that I allow myself. And yeah. How many, how often do you do? Once a week.

I don't want to, I don't want to spoil it for myself. But walking around the aisles, I heard a woman talking on the phone and i don't know exactly what she was talking about but she said uh said just as as she passed by me she said i don't know anybody who would say roy orbison is their favorite musician isn't is okay yeah and then i really thought about it i was like huh i guess i don't know if there's anybody is like oh roy orbson pretty woman there's got to be an old guy there's got to be an old guy

who has a a convertible yes my my dad loves traveling wheelbarrows and i feel like he loved roy orberts like i think i think it'd be like push my dad he maybe would have said traveling wheelbarrows were his favorite band even though like they don't even have like a ton of songs which is so it's strange but but they are one of the best bands there's no they're great they are great so i i think i think i think like i think in my there's some sort of zone within my dad or his friends where someone would say roy orbinson is is their favorite. I feel like I could find somebody. You could find somebody.

Yeah, well this lady couldn't. I mean, which member of Traveling Wilburys could you not find somebody? Like Tom Petty is somebody's favorite. Bob Dylan is somebody's favorite. Maybe Jeff Lynne. Yeah, I feel like Jeff Lynne is the one. I think

as a kid I didn't know who he was. Jeff Lynne is like especially solo yeah i feel like jeff lynn is the one i think i like as a kid i didn't know who he was jeff lynn jeff lynn is like especially solo i feel like that's the yeah that's the jeff lynn on his own i don't think anyone would say my favorite musician is jeff but you know what i that's i'm i'm underestimating there's gonna be people who tweet that yes he is gonna get so many jeff lynn stands tweeting you now mitch you had another overheard i haven't i have another one i was so i've i've been trying not to i've gotten a lot of presence just online this year um which you know that's nice yeah it's complicated amazon's also awful so like it's it's a complicated thing but uh better than going

out into uh the covid world so but i did go to bed bath and beyond the other day and love it as i was walking by bed bath and beyond um i walked by a pga tour superstore so there's a p this is in this is in prairie and i walked by a pga tour super store and it was a young kid and by young i think like he could have been like anywhere from 17 to 20 i feel like he was probably like 18 19 or 20 somewhere in there yeah but like kind of like you know like a late teenager kid with his dad walking to the store. Yeah. And as they were walking up to the store, I heard the kid say to his dad, oh, this place is sick.

And I was standing in a position where I saw what he saw, and you couldn't really see anything inside the store almost at all there was there was like nothing to really there was nothing to really see inside the store at that point i'm picturing it like the m&m store in times square just like three floors of golf yeah just like all your favorite cutouts in the window jack the music blasting it was like you could only kind of like you know like i'm in best buy when there's like you walk in first you when you first walk into the building there's that little section before you get into the building that's just like the the breezeway or whatever the fuck it is the place where the heat goes off yeah you couldn't see beyond that you couldn't

see anything but the kid still was convinced sick that it was sick i think maybe just because the size of it alone it's like huge so maybe that's why it was sick but but the kid was very excited about it i bet they have one of those like uh virtual reality driving ranges those are so much fun you know what's weird as i've gotten older i've started an appreciation for watching golf i never never could stand it as a younger man but now would you ever ever want to pick up a club? Yeah, I would go golfing. Even though it's an obscene use of land, I would. Sure, why not?

Go knock around some balls. Is that what they say? All right. Let's go. Have you ever? Yeah, my grandfather golfed and made us golf by proxy. And I was always bad at it. Never showed any talent for it.

But, yep, that was one of the things. If we were going to grandpa's house, we were gonna golf. Don't your parents live on a golf course? They do. Yeah. Right in the middle of the 18th hole. You're not going back. Do you have Christmas plans, Graham? No. I mean, I'm gonna go

open up that last advent calendar door. Oh, sure. I'll hang up my sock and build a Rain Man. I'll build Dustin Hoffman in my backyard. Yeah, we don't get a lot of snow here, so we have to build a little Dustin Hoffman. Is he Rain Man in that or is Tom Cruise? Tom Cruise is the assistant to Rain Man, the brother of Rain Man. I don't know if I've seen the movie.

I know he likes Judge Wapner, and he likes to go to Kmart. Yeah, Kmart. But what does rain have to do with him? I don't remember. That's a good question. I think he has the power to make it rain. Oh, is that right?

He's like powder? He's a little bit like powder. Do you know that, like, I was doing a comedy bit that involved powder and i looked it up and it's it was directed by a guy who's like in jail now because of uh pedophilia oh yeah yeah yeah but watching the movie through that lens you're like whoa man is this ever a movie made by a guy why did they do what where did you get that lens uh where did you get that information no the foot that you can never mind i tried i got where you're going yeah it was a stretch an x-ray an x-ray lens yeah some kind of pervert lens it sounds all right it sounds really nice damn imagine how white powder's ass was

well now now i'm seeing it through that lens my dad my the last gift my dad gave to me which was the last christmas gift he gave to me was a set of golf clubs sitting right in front of me he loved golf yeah he got into he got into it later in life and so i was like you i didn't i i have an appreciation for watching golf but i was always bored when my dad watched it a lot of the time but i but i grew to like it a little bit more as time went on but for a long time i got into it got into jeff lynn more too with yeah this is growing up that's what you're doing i i thought you were gonna say the last gift my dad gave me was powder on dvd i want you to watch this boy and check out the special lens like it's it's made by my favorite director

um definitely you know what i actually i bought i think i bought burning bright was the album i bought by elo when i was younger which maybe i don't know what that was but was like a best stuff but i actually did like elo at a young age but i don't i don't know if i would ever say but you know what i went to an elo elo concert in la at the bowl and i'm like oh there's definitely some people there that would have said jeff lynn is their favorite yeah totally musician traveling willsbury it passes the test i guess yeah i think he's got my favorite sunglasses in all of music they're like or like pre-transitions lenses grandma glasses yeah yeah yeah it doesn't seem to care about it at all so especially in a room with uh you know roy harbison the king of

sunglasses true yeah um now we also have overheard sent into us by people all over the planet uh if you want to send one into us it's spy at maximum fun.org and this first one comes from copenhagen denmark oh la la i entered a 7-eleven there you go one thing i didn't know copenhagen has 7-eleven where a drunk guy was talking to a clerk who had clearly already had enough of the conversation. The drunk guy said, I want pigs and blankets, but not those big ones. I want small ones. And the clerk said, I already told you we don't have small ones. Drunk guy pointing to a food display at a different till. What about those? They're small. The clerk said, they're not small. They're just further away. Wow.

A sassy 7-Eleven clerk i like that that is yeah like i mean i i never get an opportunity to outsmart a drunk i i mean i get plenty of opportunities but i squander them yeah that's right uh you don't know how much fun it is. Yeah. A really burned drunk dude. This next one comes from around here. Jesse from Burnaby writes, A few years ago, some friends and I were on a vacation to Mexico. Must be nice. One night, we were in line at the Midnight Buffet putting condiments on our hamburger buns.

As we were waiting in line, a man from virginia turned to my friend and then a strong southern drawl which i'm not gonna do said yo cuz is that cheese my friend looked confused and stubborn nah man that's carrots wow yeah good to meet people yeah it's good to go to like mexico and have a hamburger. Like, that's what I dream of going to Mexico. I'm like, oh yeah, can I get spaghetti? And you know what? I gotta say, I have often

mistaken cheese and carrots. I've made that mistake multiple times in my life where the doctor was like eat right get your veggies in and i i load my salad up what i think is carrots and there's a bunch of cheese and i feel not your fault it's not your fault not my fault yeah not my fault and this last one comes from matt b in reston virginia two people walking their dogs on the path behind me one has a unicorn winter hat and looks up at the trees and says squirrels the original parkour

nice yeah very that's good that's like it's intrinsic it's in their their like mental memories yeah yeah exactly much like the french people who do it to this day they're just born they're born knowing parkour well you know that the the you know the devil for me okay is squirrels for my sister my sister hates squirrels because in college one like bit through the screen of her window and then got in her room oh jesus and then was like around in her room and itesus and then was like around in her room and it was a traumatic moment that would have been so scary to have a squirrel just running around your place it stayed for a while and didn't pay rent so the same thing for me that

same thing but with with the sure and because the did the devil ever get in your room and the devil when i was in college the devil chewed through my window and he got around in my in my room i had to chase him out i watched i watched i watched a movie called um um oh god alabama snake on hbo it's a documentary okay and it's about like this preacher that tried to kill his wife by putting her hand into like a box with a rattlesnake he was like a serpent handler oh yeah and and in the movie in the documentary his son talks about the time he saw him bring a get a demon like chase a demon around like he like he handled snakes and he said some prayers and and he said he saw a demon come out of someone's mouth and run around

the room. What's the difference between a demon and a devil? Demon is just like one of the devil's workers. Also, what's a goblin? Yeah, what's a goblin? Goblins, no relation. Goblins have no relation. I think that they're on like, goblins are on the bad side.

I think they're on the bad side. They're on the devil's side, but they're on, like, goblins are on the bad side. I think they're on the bad side. They're on the devil's side, but they're not in hell. Sure, they're just hanging around in some kind of elf land. Yeah. But also, we shouldn't be bringing up devils, goblins. It's Christmas time. Oh, I'm sorry. It's also episode 666.

I should also point out that this is the final episode of season one of the podcast. Wow. So next week we start season two. We've only got an eight episode order, but hopefully we get renewed. All right. In addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls. If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have.

Hi, Dave Graham and socially distanced guests. This is Marshall from Vancouver calling in with an overseen. I was at my local JJ Bean buying some coffee beans, and a woman was in the shop making a phone call while waiting for her coffee, and she had those Bluetooth AirPod headphones in while she was making the call and holding the phone in her hand, and when she got her coffee and reached to get it, she accidentally dropped her phone and it went right into the garbage can. But she just kept talking to whoever she was talking to on the phone without missing a beat, even though her phone was at the bottom of the garbage can. She looked around to see if anyone had noticed and I gave her a big obvious thumbs up.

And then went over and helped her get her phone out of the garbage can. It was great. Wow. Oh, that's chivalry is not dead. I would not help someone get a phone out of a garbage can. Especially now. Yeah. No, I mean specifically now.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. I mean, now yeah yeah oh yeah i mean yeah i would have done the poor yeah but you wouldn't run over and pour more garbage in the can no i would pour some coffee in there and maybe throw some cupcakes in there and pull them out because hey this is 40 man this morning all right here's your next phone call. Hey, guys. The other day... Oh, well, sorry. It's Ian from Portland, Oregon. The other day, I was walking through the parks, and I was passing this guy on the phone, and he's, you know, just a normal-looking dude,

kind of ratty-looking, honestly, not to judge, but he's on the phone, and I can hear him saying something out loud. Obviously, I can't hear the other person. So what he says is, he's like, you're telling me that he bought a restaurant in Tacoma for a million dollars, and it doesn't have a kitchen? for a million dollars and it doesn't have a kitchen? So. It was just the location he was in love with.

That Tacoma landscape. Sure. They've got that car museum. I don't know what else. They have the dome. The Tacoma dome. The Tacoma dome, that's right. Is that still extant?

Yeah. I got to drive by it a couple years ago and man was I I was jazzed yeah it was like seeing a celebrity you could probably see some uh really good like monster truck stuff there oh yeah

but I don't know what goes to Tacoma that wouldn't just go to Seattle monster truck's a great question yeah monster trucks um uh goes to Tacoma that wouldn't just go to Seattle? Monster trucks. Great question. Yeah. Monster trucks. Um, uh, uh,

like traveling Wilbur. He's traveling. Well, there's some kind of like, uh, don't boys podcast on tour. Sure. Uh,

all right. Here's your final, a phone call. Hello. It's Trish calling from Calgary, Alberta. My mom. Who's this? Is it Calgary, Alberta. That's my mom. Who's this? Is it your mom, Graham?

This is my mom, yes. I overheard it is from the dairy aisle at the grocery store. I was looking for eggnog, and I could not find what I wanted, and I said out loud, Oh boy, they only have low-fat eggnog. If I bring that home, my husband will ask for a divorce. At which point, a lady standing beside me said, buy two.

Thanks, guys, for having me. You know what? Just buy two. So she's saying you should get two divorces or... Double up on that nog, and no longer is it a healthy nog if you're drinking double okay yeah um that's that's one of my tips and tricks for the holiday season yeah just drink more nog if anything's diet just get drink more of it oh man well that uh brings us to the end of this here podcast and merry christmas trish yeah Merry Christmas Mom Merry Christmas also

we all wished her a Merry Christmas that's all she wanted this year was three podcasters to wish her a Merry Christmas wow

three podcasters potting yes Mitch thank you so much for being a guest on the show one small

red devil thank you thank you for having me I had a blast yeah it was so much fun Small red devil. Thank you. Thank you for having me. I had a blast. Yeah, it was so much fun having you here. And I hope you're going to have a white Christmas there in Boston. Well, yeah, I think it is going to warm up and rain a little bit this week. But I think there should be some snow left over.

And it possibly is going to snow on Christmas Day. So it should be a white Christmas, which is very nice yeah that's a magical magical time when there's a little bit of uh fluffy white snow out there yeah best yeah um and of course you can uh hear him each and every week on the dough boys which is a hilarious podcast if you've never heard it uh i implore you to do so because it's so much fun. Thank you, guys. We got to get you on there soon. Come and be guests on the show.

Okay. I'm in. I'm in. Oh, hell yeah. All right. Well, thank you so much, Mitch. Yeah, thank you. Thank you, guys.

Yeah, thank you for having me. Thank you to all our listeners out there. Thank you so much for listening. Please be safe, take care of yourselves, and come on back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.