Stop Podcasting Yourself - Episode 668 - Jon Dore

Episode Date: January 5, 2021

Comedian Jon Dore returns to talk Humour Relations on CBC, Christmas dinners, and broken teeth.

Hi, he's Dave Shumka and he's Graham Clark and together we host Stop Podcasting Yourself. Woo! Hello everybody, welcome to episode number 668 of Stop Podcasting Yourself. My name is Graham Clark and with me as always from his underground lair, joining me is Dave Shumka. Yeah, it's both a lair and a layer. Yes, what's the difference? Well, I mean a lair is like, you could have, a lair is like a, I don't know, like a sexy den. Yes.

A lair is like a sexy den. Yes. And a lair is like a lair of crust in the earth. Yes. I'm in another lair. And I am also layering. Yes. You go in and out of stores this time of year,

you gotta take off layers. Our guest today, one of our favorite guests here on the podcast he has a brand new television program called humor resources it's john dore hello i'm just doing a mic chat that was not too intense that was good it was layered yeah for sure yeah where do you do do you do um where do you do do you do you do that's dave's best opening of any podcast we've ever done together the three of us do you ever practice your mic technique uh or is it just like does it come naturally um i practice yeah i'll get up and uh i mean i spend most of the time driving around trying to hit the post um which i don't know if that's the common parlance for the,

uh, for the term speaking over the musical lead into the lyrics of a song on the radio. Uh, I'll often just play songs and, uh, yeah, speak up into the post.

So I always, I'm always working on my voice. If you want to hear it at any point, just let me know, but I don't want to just dive into it and take over. Well, anyway, so I would do,

for instance, like, um, I can play it where the, uh, where the tent. Oh, could you?

Yeah. Yeah. What would you like? Uh, do you have any Sloan? Put it on. Put it on. Put it on.

Whatever one you want. Uh, well, give me something popular so I can, uh, I can actually hit the post. All right. Uh,

let's, uh, how about this? The other man from Sloan. We could do the other man. Yeah, we could do that. Oh, wait, I'm not plugged in. Give me a second. Yeah, well, while you're doing that, I just want to say, Graham and Dave,

it's lovely to see your faces. This is so unorthodox. The last time we were together was at montreal 2019 at the just for laughs festival and that was a good time it was a great time it was nice to see you uh but it's a different energy when we're in front of a live audience don't you feel yeah yeah no i think this is exactly the same do you um do, do you like the live audience production or do you prefer being in Dave's basement? I liked the live.

I liked, I like both. Yeah. Um, you know, I, I too like both. I wish I,

uh, I wish I could have Graham in my basement. Yeah. Yeah. But you know, it can't happen. Well, when's the last time you two were together in person doing a podcast?

Was it like, was it February or March? Like pre- Like March 14th or something? Yeah, March. Okay. We pre-taped a bunch. I was supposed to go away for spring break, so we pre-taped a bunch.

But yeah, and then we were like, oh, you know what? Well, we have enough episodes to last the two-week quarantine. Yeah, it was just going to be two weeks, right? And then everything's over. Yeah. Okay, so you guys have not touched each other since March. That's right. We've seen each other. We live in the same neighborhood,

so we run into each other. Okay. But no touching. You're right. No touching. But I don't... Did we touch much when we saw each other? When I would do that breakdancing thing where you go through your body and then it goes in your body that we'd touch for that you two yeah you two strike me as people who are close friends that would never hug or touch i don't even think you'd shake hands like

that's almost too formal but a hug is too i don't know i feel like you'd be you're like twins it would be too obvious to hug are you uncomfortable do so uh are we done with shaking hands after the pandemic this pan is like the shaking hands over shaking hands with a person you meet you need to figure out a way to establish dominance and how can you do that without a hand i guess if you do like a karate chop to each other and whoever has the harder so so there'll be touching but in quick karate chop form yeah exactly oh so where transfer can't happen touching will exist but it'll be it'll be rapid you can't transfer germs because it's too fast i only touched i only touched them for two seconds what about that i do you remember at the very beginning of pandemic, people were like, do the elbow tap.

Oh, yeah. When did you stop doing that? I don't know if I did do the elbow tap. But yeah. I had somebody try to do it to me, and I declined in the moment. To even elbow tap? Yeah, because, you know,

what's in it for me, this elbow tap? You know? Great question. Yeah, what connection are we getting? You always have to think of yourself first. Do you want to hit the post, John? yeah because uh you know what's what's in it for me this elbow tap you know great question yeah what connection are you always okay you have to think of yourself you want to hit the post john i'd love to hit the post but i feel like we're on a nice break here but go ahead okay coming at you all right ladies and gentlemen boys and girls i hope you're enjoying your ride to work on this monday morning a little bit of rain in the vancouver area where the 10 by for kate's the one highway remember we got great ski packages for our fourth caller today at 101.5 in the meantime from halifax this is is Sloan with the other guy.

Stepped on it. Stepped on it. You did step on the first line. I stepped on it. And a lot of people would say, nailed it. Not me. I'm critical of what I do. I stepped on it. Yeah.

And you did get bifurcates in there, which was one of the words that we slipped you that you had to say as part of our improv game. Yes. And I don't know if there is a 10 highway in uh british columbia is there yeah probably i just lost it i was very stream of consciousness there yeah but thank you we could try that again with another song later all right well let's get to know us John yes yeah John

you froze me we thought you froze but you're just no I thought I was expecting to hear the theme song oh no we don't we add that later

John or also John off air how are you doing oh off air oh I'm great yeah yeah

okay why how's you I'm just I Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Why? How's you, I just, I, I worry about your health. Like the last few times I've seen you,

you've talked, I don't know if this is, no, you should, you should, you should worry about my health, but now you shouldn't, but you should have previously. Yes.

Well, yeah, but not so much to like talk to you, not, not to send you an email or anything. No, God, no,

none. We don't want to build a bridge to a new relationship another level of our knowing one another no god no okay back to the show i mean that would only be sad for you once you get invested and i die as a result of my health issues yeah no that would be pointless but how are the seizures good are you talking about the seizure we can talk about this on air i don't't care. I don't know. I don't know. I never do this. I never like chop the show up like this. Wait a minute.

Okay. So are we chopping the show up? No, no. It sounds like that was part of the show. They just got a window into genuine day. All right. That's part of the show. Graham was.

Okay. So wait a minute. Are we getting to know each other or are we taking a break? No, it's just getting to know. Yeah. Yeah, no, I'm fine. I haven't had a seizure. I mean, since the last time I saw you guys, whenever that was, and then backtrack whenever

I told you I had a seizure. So it's been four years anyway. Three and a half years. I'd imagine. Oh, good. Three and a half years, something like that. No, I take medication. Do you still have to check in regularly with a doctor about it?

I'm supposed to, but I don't anymore, man. I'm just like, I got this. Cool. It's all in your mind, these seizures. So, you know, I do. I'm medicated now. So I take, I mean, I've seen a neurologist a thousand times. That's an exaggeration, but I had a seizure.

So, and that's a brain injury. So who knows? Yeah, exactly. It could have been a thousand. It could have been a thousand. It could have been a thousand, but yeah. So I medicated and I take my, my anti-seizure medication, Keppra every day, a thousand milligrams twice a day. That's 2000.

The maximum is three. So I'm, I'm getting up there guys. And I don't, I don't go see a neurologist anymore. So I just take my pills regularly. No. I haven't had a seizure. You looked a little surprised when I was mentioned. I asked about your health and you looked surprised when I said seizure.

Is there another health issue you want to talk about? No, I just never. Dave was afraid to approach the seizures. Now he's willing to wander into unknown waters here. I wasn't afraid to approach them. I just didn't know if i could talk about it on the air oh you can talk about anything you want i don't know when i've so i just don't know who i've been when i've seen people last so was it like uh yeah did you notice anything out

of the ordinary or was everything fine yeah fine it was fine yeah great yeah then everything's fine yeah totally good yeah and we you told us a story about your mom oh and uh global amnesia yeah water yeah yeah yeah and uh her fugue yeah that's the fugue state yeah so that's um that brings us up to date on the door family health history dave door painted the basement they got new carpeting and uh yeah mom is recovered from her fugue state uh so yeah they're doing well how how are the folks how are you guys how are the how are your how are the folks doing how's the family what's going on guys catch me up dave oh my folks are good i'm gonna play tennis with my dad tomorrow morning what are you in a tournament yeah yeah we're in a tournament

and you got matched up with your dad? Yeah, it's going to be brutal. Oh my goodness. I started playing tennis like I played my dad wanted me to play when I was younger and I was terrible at it and I hated it and I was like a sullen

teenager and then like about five or six years ago I started playing again just with him and we play once a week and tomorrow's the day wow that's great and when i started i was bad like i'm still bad right i can i can beat him now but you're like michael jackson's bad you know it was bad uh and i was talking to the man in the mirror so like when you when you hit a shot like how bad like you'll you'll when you'll like will you hit a backhand over the net and then flip the flip the tennis racket around and play a guitar riff yeah that's fun that's bad fun cool yeah

that's fun bad that's a cool way to do it um i bring a little guitar slide too that i i play with sometimes so i can go just really embody the, that's great. That is really great. Have you ever, do you ever jumped the net at the end of like, and shake your dad's hand? Yeah,

no, that was pre COVID. I would do that all the time. Now there's restrictions. You don't touch your father. I don't, I don't touch my, I get,

I mean, afterwards in the showers, I, I wash his back, but yeah, that's right. With a rag. So you are showering with your dad or baths out.

Like when's the last time you had a bath with your dad? Um, baths are out. Uh, and, um, like, uh,

sauna is out. Oh, wow. What is the, what, what is the cutoff age where you're no longer allowed to just put two random kids in a tub together what's the random random kid yeah just like a random kid brother and sister i'd say one zero so wait a minute yeah random like define random graham like just you know somebody that

you meet at uh preschool or something like that just like a random kid so while you're a preschooler and you meet a friend okay the age you're you you can't do that anymore is like 1981 oh i see yes i don't was the age of i don't think so like if your kids are out playing in the tot lot and it's muddy out there and they're covered in sand and soot and firecracker dust i don't know and uh whatever goes on in parks these days i'm not a pervert and so if they're out there playing and then there's a sleepover happening like you throw them in the tub i'd imagine right but you do that one at a time or do you call the parents and be like hey can your kid bathe with my five yeah i i don't know definitely would need to sign something oh yeah, yeah, no, you wouldn't be in there.

Well, frick, yeah, it's weird. You couldn't have a tub, could you? No. You know what? Yeah, it would be, you'd have to just say, keep your bathing suit on and get in. Well, maybe they weren't in a bathing suit. Or, you know, you could shower in the unfinished basement.

One kid showers upstairs in the bath. The other kid bathes. No problems. Yeah, I figured it out you stay you wash yourself in the laundry sink in this cold dark basement well my offspring has a reasonable shower yeah i know it's hot um so yeah i don't know but so your dad i think we were talking about tennis and you and he's you wash his back after tennis which is great uh graham what's up with your parents well hold on let's put a pin in that question for a second let's go back to the shower so you wash your

dad's back and why is it you're washing his back is his acne still like you were talking once before i believed him correct me if i'm wrong about your dad's acne on his back which was an issue like he was he was using well we have john let me remember last time he was using Pfizer yes please we called it bacne oh you do yeah we call it bacne okay um uh he has arachnobacne which is spider acne on his back he's afraid of spider his back's afraid oh there's no phobia yeah oh no phobia you're right um uh no i don't touch my dad uh i mean this is where fun is fun but yeah uh there's no touching of the dad uh and let's see what else um you're about to ask graham something before you got yeah well we i thought we were going around, how is everyone's parents?

What's up? What's new with your parents? Did they have a nice Christmas? Yeah, they had a nice Christmas. They're gaga over their first grandchild. So that kind of takes up, that's the scene now. Now that that kid's on the scene, that's my parents, their whole deal. My mom's fridge covered top to bottom in pictures of this baby

and this is your uh the middle brother's yeah child if you were if you were royalty that that would be like crazy that if you as the eldest you don't have a child but your younger brother has a child who is now the heir to the throne is that how it works i think so unless you now have a child and then your child is the i mean i don't i would have to talk to a royalologist you've got it you've gotten into some intellectual waters that you may not survive in david this is interesting yeah i'm dumb i'm a dumb person me too graham all right yeah absolutely probably the dumbest one here but that is a good question so they well but so anyway but your parents so the grand the grandkid takes over now and your your parents are adopting the role of grandparent and they love it they they love it yeah and that's a result of the pandemic

isolating themselves and now they've embraced it or they've always embraced it. They've always embraced it. But I think the pandemic has really ratcheted up a couple points. And these are the Calgary, the Calgary folks. They still have a connection. Yeah. Calgary connection.

When was the last time you were in Calgary? I went during the summer. I drove there and that was July, I think and that was the last that was the last traveling i did but a calgary summer that's the way to do it absolutely famous for their summers yeah their summer breezes and they make me feel fine um um john you're up in alaska correct alaska correct what's the uh what's your zip code up there uh nine eight nine nine eight zero one whoa nine nine geez they don't go much higher than that no it's gretzky right so yeah that's why i moved here it was like i i picked the first zip code that started with wayne gretzky's number and here i am juno alaska the uh how long have you been up in alaska uh well i moved here what a year just over a year

and a half ago yeah and do you love it no but i don't mind it i just uh the idea was i travel for work and that i'm telling jokes and doing stand-up comedy and my girlfriend's job keeps her in alaska she also has a daughter so schooling etc so it made sense for me to move here and travel for work and now that the pandemic has hit i've never been isolated in you know one place uh for this long period but also juneau alaska itself is for those who don't know like 30 000 people there's basically one big highway that stretches the whole town you gotta fly in or or ferry in there's no other way to get to alaska there's a huge ice field that connects it to british columbia but other than that you're kind of trapped so you feel isolated and lonely but

i've met a couple friends one guy at the bar i gamble with his name's jim what's his deal we just we just bet cash uh on sports games like today we were at the bar cause he can be in Juneau. Yeah. Six feet apart. And we're, we're watching Wisconsin and Maryland. And so we'd bet on who wins the tip and who scores first three and who, anyway,

I've bankrupted him. I feel bad. Like he's, he probably doesn't have anywhere to go tonight, but he'll come back. He'll come back to get, maybe not. It was a pretty brutal. Anyway have anywhere to go tonight. But he'll come back. He'll come back to get you. Maybe not. It was a pretty brutal...

Anyway, let's leave that. Poor Jim. Yeah. So, who won the tip? Who won the tip? No, we actually did not bet the tip in that game. But the tip... I don't know who won the tip.

But we did bet first three, which I won. Wisconsin just shoots threes like crazy. So, yeah. Now, what would you say if I asked you, who won the tip, but we did bet first three, which I won. Wisconsin just shoots threes like crazy. Now, what would you say if I asked you, what is the tip? Yeah. Well, what do you think it is? I think it's the two guys jumping up at the beginning of the game and trying to. Nope. Oh, I was going to say yes, but go ahead, Dave.

They rub their tips of their penises together. That's right. Oh. Not anymore, though, because of covid so how how is that no no you can in sports they there's a loophole for sports if you're in the bubble if you're in the bubble you may dock that's what they say yeah you may dock in the bubble otherwise frown frowned upon at minimum you may which one is docking is docking involve a foreskin yeah i think you pull the foreskin over i don't yeah isskin yeah i think you pull the foreskin over

i don't yeah is that what it is you pull the foreskin over the tip of the other what if they're both circumcised you get some spare foreskin keep it in your house at all times like having you know coffee even if you don't drink it if company comes over and wants to dock uh-huh oh sure yeah you can use some... Fruit leather. Yeah, some Folgers Crystals foreskin. Foreskin crystals. Instant foreskin. Yeah, Graham, I know we're just hanging out here,

but do you plan on docking tonight? Because I'm going to take the foreskin out of the freezer. You don't? Okay. Yeah, it's very casual now. It's in the freezer, of course. A lot of these... There's like speakeasy docking sessions going on during yes yeah generation z has revolutionized docking it is yeah the generation is revolutionized

yeah now john i remember was it this summer you you planned a uh stand-up tour and you'd made uh you toured several cities oh this summer yes well was it the summer not this summer no so fall yeah okay uh but you where you had like a bunch of cities on your tour plans and you you may did you go to every city well so it depends what you're talking about so in march i had a bunch of stuff booked and then of course, the rug got pulled out, obviously. And so I went back to Alaska. And then Just for Laughs had their stand-up show in Toronto in early September. So I had to go quarantine for two weeks before hosting that show, which was really fun and great.

And they were social distancing and temperature taken. And you had to get multiple negative tests for COVID. Um, wow. And so I was impressed with how that worked and everything felt safe. And I'd go for a walk around Toronto and, uh, there was some nightlife and people sitting on patios and I'm like,

okay, so we can do this. Yeah. And then, uh, yeah, booked up a little Western Canadianadian tour of uh you know low number places at the time anyway lethbridge was lethbridge on the agenda lethbridge was not

on the agenda no camrose no no camera and more yeah what is camrose is that a rose uh it's a small town that's famous in alberta for its theater as a theater that kind of serves is that a city? Camrose, it's a small town that's famous in Alberta for its theater, has a theater that kind of serves all of it. Wait, is that on the way to Banff? Yes. No, that's Canmore. That's Canmore. Oh, okay. Yeah. I think Camrose is south of Calgary. Okay. Yeah, it sounds familiar, but yeah,

Canmore I know because I worked in Banff at the Banff Springs Hotel when I was a 19-year-old. If I ever get bored, can I just try to get John to hit the post? Hit me with another. Give me some more Sloan. Give me some Thrush Hermit. Anything. Yeah, Thrush Hermit.

Well, let me finish this dumb story then. I'll move through this. I know what you're talking about. Well, tell me your story. I'm so sorry. Anyway, I guess I don't know if... did I interrupt your story or did I interrupt Canmore and Camera's geography talk? Who knows what, but we did get marred in, anyway.

So here's the thing. So I planned, I thought, well, let's go out on the road. Everything's fine. It's safe in the sense that we'll just follow the rules. So I go back and quarantine in Winnipeg for two weeks. And midway through my quarantine, Winnipeg's numbers erupt the covid numbers erupt so those shows get canceled so then i'm in winnipeg for three weeks just isolated um aunt kathy lives there so she brought me like three lasagnas and a bunch of white wine i got very fat where were you um uh isolating in a hotel air Airbnb. Okay. Yeah, so we had an Airbnb near the university, near where my aunt lives.

That's nice of her to bring over delicious lasagna and whatnot. Not only that, she made, well, she bought the lasagna, but she made a shepherd's pie, which was immense. It was a football. It was very heavy. You know, shepherd's pie, when they hand it over to you, you're like, this is, it's a massive shepherd pie. It's very heavy. Nearly broke a shelf in the fridge. heavy you know shepherd's pie when they hand it over to you you're like this is it's it's a massive shepherd pie it's very heavy nearly broke a shelf in the fridge and i'm not even joking it came

it bent down at the back but it was very good i ate that in three days okay i was gonna ask if there's any more shepherd's pie left but you know it is gone graham it is gone like this is a while ago and this was in winnipeg it's not gonna keep okay right i also president's choice vegetarian lasagna is one of my favorites and i thought well while you're there picking up three of those for me why don't you pick me up a meat lasagna as well so i ate all that yeah and when i was quarantined in toronto my sister uh the sweetheart that she is brought me um you know uh about 12 uh swishelay chicken pot pies and i and again, more vegetarian PC lasagna. So I put on weight in Toronto and I thought in Winnipeg, I'm not going to do that. So instead of drinking beer, because I went through maybe a thousand beers in Toronto

during that quarantine, maybe a thousand. And then so I thought, well, I'll just drink white wine. So my aunt brought me 12 bottles of white wine. I'm like, well, that's good. But you're still heavy on the lasagna. Like I was still going very heavy on the lasagna and the shepherd's shepherd's pie so i had stairs going from the main floor to the basement so i thought well i'm gonna walk those stairs uh every day and break a sweat i didn't do that so i got fat again okay yeah it's nice is it nice to be fat or you no i don't like it because it hurts my back ever since my seizure

did i ever tell you that? Ever since my seizure, my back has been bad. And then when I develop more of a gut, then the core is the biggest problem with the back pain. I don't have a core. Dave, core? Oh, I got nothing but core. John, do you have a core? I have no core. Zero core. Yeah, zero core. Yeah yeah i was in the army core of engineers did you get a scholarship for that i got a badge cool so you get thank you for

your service yeah yeah oh you oh this is the time of year i love watching soldiers come back videos of soldiers coming back makes me feel so happy yeah so it's heartwarming sometimes they do it where it's a dog and the dog is seeing the human for the first time in a long time yeah it's great it doesn't make me bummed out about the fact that they had to leave their family for months at a time at all sometimes it's a dog coming back and then recognizing their human at the airport it's every permutation i like why does his family send their dog to the army i like watching the child soldiers come home too and i do yeah parents that's also nice um yeah any way you slice it it's uh not a good time but it's a sentimental time so we're in we're in winnipeg you're heavy uh was there i was wrapping up the

story before i go to hit the post again but basically oh you're about to ask take your time i i just remember i saw a video of you there was some place where you went to do a show and it was canceled and you instead went to visit two people who were going to a show that was winnipeg so yeah but i knew about four days into my quarantine in Winnipeg that those shows were being cancelled. And again, I'm in quarantine but I had stuff to do. We were editing our television show

and we were constantly on phone calls. I didn't feel like I was missing much. I knew I was going to lose a bunch financially and that this was probably a bad idea. But yeah, we decided to go to these fans who have come to, I guess, my show in Winnipeg the last 10 years. They met at my show.

And that's why we thought it was kind of an interesting, sweet story. So let's go to their house and just set up a microphone and a stool and tell some jokes. It was dumb and fun and they were very sweet. It was great. Freezing cold. Freezing cold. Freezing cold, yeah, absolutely. Why would you pick the winter in general? Oh, I guess it was the fall.

It wasn't the winter to tour. Well, it is what it is. When was that, October? It was October. Yeah. But, you know, I'd be hitting Florida, right? All the hot spots in florida during the the chilly fall florida arizona uh are you talking about going on vacation or doing doing stand-up comedy

shows what are you doing why would i go to winnipeg well no no why would you go to winnipeg but why would you have shows in the colder part of the year instead of you know treating yourself to a nice summer answered you graham he said it is what it is there's nothing more you can say to that well so the numbers in winnipeg were non-existent before i went um so that's good and then they're operating at half capacity and they have i feel like florida would be worse yeah you're right florida there's no rules. But, yeah, and I'm just trying to help the economy, man.

Yeah. John, so in this tour, how many shows did you have scheduled and how many shows happened? Out of a possible 26 shows, I did six shows. Okay. Let's hear some Thrush Hermit, Dave. Let's see. You know what? I'll just give you your theme song.

The only shows we did The only shows we did when I was on tour None in Winnipeg. Got to Calgary waited it out for a couple of weeks and then I made it to a place called Kamloops, British Columbia which I enjoyed very, very much.

Had some great shows, but no show is better than a Thrush Hermit show and let's hope we get back to those in 2021. Here you go. Oh my soul. Have you seen Mrs. Boyd? I'm happy with the post. Disappointed with the information

I delivered. That's okay. We didn't give you a copy. That's on us. I'm a critic here. I didn't enjoy it. Okay, that's true. You're true. Now, John, you have a new television show coming out.

As of this release date, it'll be coming out tomorrow. Tell us about it. The show is called Humor Resources. So I play a human resources manager for stand-up comedians. So the whole show is kind of an interesting... The whole production of the show was very interesting.

We pitched it during quarantine. It was picked up without a pilot or a script. Kind of just based on, you know, the idea. So you were productive during quarantine, like Shakespeare. I got lucky. I got lucky.

We were, I guess, yeah, quarantine March. So in mid-April, we were approached by Spencer Griffin. This guy works for Just for Laughs, television in the States. And he approached our manager, our being Adam Brody, Dave Darlaney, two directors and the co-creators and writers. And we had had this concept existing. And then he wondered if we could turn it into a 22 minute pitch for CBC because they had lost a lot of their hockey programming and the Olympics had

faded away. So yeah, we pitched this show and they really liked it and i'm happy because we're thrilled with it it's um yeah it's a really fun show i think um i saw the i think it was the first episode that well i think it was the third that he said yes you saw the third because yeah production hit a bit of a covid hiccup mid-production so we had to take a break for a few weeks while people isolated i had covid hiccups it was uh i they didn't warn me that covid hiccups was one of the yeah things you could get yeah um and how are they are you a

long hauler are they still with you or um yeah i've i've had the is this in poor taste uh i i went over to dave's house and i scared him and it went away yeah it's yeah yeah and all you have to do is pretend to shake his hand or to dock and then it'll scare it away not in this climate um in the in the show you your humor resources you talk to comedians via like a zoom type of thing yeah you do like hr check-in yes i do performance reviews i'd prefer not to call them check-ins david but i appreciate uh i appreciate you getting involved uh graham was really leading the way um oh boy oh no just just in steering the conversation so i do appreciate yeah i do appreciate you checking in but they are called performance reviews um we don't

like to call them interviews but i have a file built on every comedian uh graham i have a file on you as well uh dave i have a file okay yeah here we go on you as well um yours thin file very thin well two files one thinner than the other one is focused on your stand-up career the other is focused on your stand-up adjacent career which would be the podcast. Stop podcasting yourself. Graham, you're part of that. Graham, of course, your file's a little more extensive in the stand-up department.

Dave, we have a lot of transcripts of your material relating to zombies, which we will go over at another time. Oh, let's do it now. No, it's fine. Unless you'd like to, but I don't want to perform a review in the moment here. No, no, no.

We'll just hit the post a few more times. I like to leave work at work and uh this is fun you know um yeah this is fun so um the show yeah we uh god how do we even start this but um we uh yeah we interview comedians the show explores has a theme for every episode and uh every episode shows my real life that is scripted and written as far as living in the pandemic um so the episode the gram would have seen is our accountability episode where i have to go back to a campsite we were at to try and retrieve a teddy bear that my girlfriend's daughter left behind and that's the through line of the story and it's about me being accountable and uh i lie i instead of trying to find this bear that i was

supposed to take care of in the first place i um i go to the store and buy a new one and then i go back to the campsite and decide i'm going to take photos of it only to get lost uh and then hilarity ensues as uh i dive deeper into the woods uh but that is broken up by interviews with other comedians where i'm preaching the importance of being accountable and if i'd only follow my own advice that i give these comedians uh my home life would probably be better but i don't um so yeah yeah it's like the old like the fraser conundrum it's the one that needs help yeah it is it is very much the fraser conundrum but uh these uh that's my favorite michael crichton book the fraser conundrum the fraser does sound like it um the

interviews with the comedians in that episode are fun too we do yeah so we basically for like create this whole um uh we have a researcher and many writers arthur simeon uh rebecca kohler myself and adam and dave who uh yeah write the show and then we'd hired a researcher to build case files on everyone we're talking to and by that we mean they kind of scour social media and uh transcripts of uh of performances they've done so yeah we'll kind of just dive into what we call customer comments. And yeah, we try and just treat. Yeah.

We try and try and just filter, try putting artistic, creative comedians into the corporate world. Just doesn't make sense. And that's where a lot of the fun comes from, in my opinion, trying to treat, treat the idea of customers.

Everything the customer has to say is valuable and everything the comedian has to say can can be amended to make the customer happy and then put everyone under this big tent so we're one big happy family is my goal and of course that never works so the comedian is always pushed back and basically call me a fool which i am so yeah that's basically the idea um uh how many how many shows do you have we did you said? I said soads, which is short for episodes. Oh, shit. We have six episodes. So you did six episodes of this show, and CBC thought that would compensate

for losing the Olympics and a bunch of hockey. It does in the weight of what we're talking about. So it will change lives. And the way that communities gather together and rally around sports franchises and nationalistic

attitudes towards sporting events, it does the same thing. Yeah, our show in six episodes does do the equivalent work that the Olympics and hockey playoffs would do. That's great. That's great. It is great.

Hey, here's a, here's a question is because a lot of stuff because of the, I'll handle this. Okay. Because of the Olympics, there's all sorts of stuff that was made that said Olympics 2020 on it. Is that stuff garbage? is that gonna use the

same logo japan uh tokyo 2020 it's a great logo they're gonna use it next year it's still gonna be called the 2020 olympics 2020 okay it's like that i knew it's like the t-shirts they had printed for the uh potential nba champion who lost in a game seven yeah that's right well i mean god yeah that'd be some interesting uh some 2020 olympics swag would be good to get your hands on yeah because i at the i was at uh winners and uh they had uh barbies that were 2020 olympic editions is that going to be worth anything or is that just a thing that people don't that's great no that's what are you talking about those are amazing did you buy them, I didn't buy them.

But I was just wondering if I should have. Why didn't you buy them? It surprises me that you wouldn't have bought them. I thought you would have bought them. Yeah, go back. Go back.

Yeah, I kind of surprised myself, but I was like... That's nice. You know, like... It's nice to surprise yourself. Yeah. I throw myself a surprise party every year and I'm always...

I've always surprised. Yeah. I always imagine you're going to because you're always giving them away at havana cafe whatever you know yeah yeah but there has been no show so i can't i can't bring on any new uh you can't stockpile you have a corner of the room right there that's relatively empty i can see it through zoom right now i think you could oh no that it's it's uh stock to the hilt graham take us on a video tour of your apartment dave let me hit the post of the theme

music of graham taking us on a tour of his apartment this will be great but you really should i'm surprised that you didn't you didn't buy that uh barbie doll because every time i look at a product or or cap corporate capitalism in any way, that's bizarre. I always share it with you. Yes, that's true. I think of you anyway,

Graham is going to show us his, are you going to show us your apartment? I'm all, I'm all plugged in here. You sing along to hit the post. I actually, I gave up on the post. I got too excited but i

actually would just love to listen to that song but would we in order to use it anyway before we do that um before we are going to do that welcome to so um the uh yeah i when i see a toaster uh that sells itself with like how high you can stack all the toast on the side of it was that was that in alaska or where was that it was in alaska i was doing the last minute shopping and uh i saw this toaster and one of the pictures on it dave had just how many stacks of like they just had bread stacked up on top of the toaster as if to suggest look at all the bread this toaster can be yeah like i can't any toaster make any amount of bread over precisely a long enough timeline and were they bragging about like uh look how you can stack the bread on her toaster like the toaster itself is good for stacking towers of bread i don't know but the first person i thought of was graham i'm like i should probably

send this to graham and i loved it and uh i just pictured it was for the international market that they're like okay well we can't print every language on this box but people understand a stack of toast yeah it's a visual everybody could they tell could you tell in the photograph was it a photograph or a drawing could you tell that it was toast and not just bread it was a photograph but now they're thinking about i bought the toaster if you'd like to see it i could go get it i i i did um but i bought it a long time ago and i realized oh that's the same toaster i have but i never looked at that picture close enough but yeah i have that same toaster in the box i haven't opened it it's been a year was it a christmas present no i just bought it because uh it was a four slice toaster which is uh yeah you know unusual for someone like me i'm a very

traditional two slice but you're a family man now you got you gotta someone like me i'm a very traditional two-slice but you're a family man now you got you gotta make well now i broil it like i broil my toast i'll put my toast in the in the oven which is fun and dangerous and scary you know that could yeah very fine takes up more more energy you gotta be alert and ready you know if you don't set an alarm nothing's gonna burn so you know it's it's it's a going to burn. So, you know, it's fun. It keeps you, it feels risky. Does the broiler do it on both sides? Or do you have to flip it?

No, you got to flip it. That's the whole point. You're taking care of this. It's a very precision activity, culinary activity. Have you ever seen those toasters from like the 50s that are just one slice? Of course I have. Maybe not the 50s, like the 40s. They're the greatest.

like the 50s that are just one slice of course i have maybe not the 50s like the 40s greatest yeah one slice and then you have to like lift up the the uh like a waffle maker no but it's standing up so you like you put the toast in and then you close where the heating element is and then it just smokes it just burns your toast i don't like to say burned i feel like that's negative i would i would say uh we're applying the maillard uh reaction uh right or cajun style to create uh to create change uh in a food product by applying heat um yeah but burn is very negative sorry i'm in hr mode again i apologize let's let's back up sorry guys i got into human resources mode again um when i was a younger man my toaster always said if you have one piece of toast you you must use this one side like you would have arrows pointing single single piece definitely i don't know what the science was around that but i know that my current toaster

says either way yeah because well you know once steve jobs came out with the iphone things changed in a big way nothing was immune to the change a wave of change so we were all left side toasting singles yeah and well i mean depend yeah i guess so he came around he said think different and then everybody took that to heart including the people at starfrit do they make toasters what's a big toast manufacturer yeah a maytag oh no maytag large appliances i couldn't i think we have a cuisinart oh nice good for you what is yours john uh i can't remember it's a psyconnex i can't remember but i got i got some things out there that sounded toaster-ish um but hold on a second what was why was there a one slice this uh

i wonder and i wait sorry i worry when i bring it up that like maybe every 80s comedian had a chunk on this but but what was the actual reason for putting a slice of toast in one because they both turned on it's not like one or was it weight sensitive it would only i don't understand maybe if you put it on one side it would just only that side would had the ability to single maybe like they couldn't make both sides able to do a single but maybe there was like a lock-in mechanism that stopped the other ridiculous there's no way they were thinking that to no there's no way they would isolate one of the burners for one slice of toast and who's making one slice of toast let's be honest yeah well that's

i do i do you do huh because i'll i'll make toast with a soft boiled egg and i just need enough to dip gotcha that makes sense that does make sense i would just eat two two hard boiled eggs and then you two pieces of toast, just like everybody else? So you're telling me instead of soft-boiling one egg, I should hard-boil two? Yes. Thank you. Okay.

You know, yeah, I guess modern problems need modern solutions. That's right. It's not a bad question, though, honestly. Why not eat more, Dave? Did you, when you were growing up, did you have a reflective toaster that you could look look in your face while you were waiting are you toast yes i i would uh i would shave um while making toast yeah i did we had uh you know plastic uh ends uh yeah the plot yeah and then uh

and what would that be called the what would you press down what is that what would that be called the the kachunk the kachunk the plunger the button the lever lever so uh yeah and then we had a metal side why do you ask yeah i can see my reflection in the toaster because i feel like now they're just like white or black or some color that you can't see they're not just metal anymore am i wrong about that metal mine's metal but you can see your reflection in it i don't uh it's not at it's the the metal side does not face of a human body but don't you don't you hold up your toaster and listen to it while it's toasting that's is that a thing only i do when you listen to your toaster you're joking what does it tell you oh it just it's it's so satisfying here the. What does it tell you? Oh, it's just, it's so satisfying. Hear the crackle.

Does it tell you to kill people? No. Graham, Graham, your toast is almost ready. It tells me to get in the tub with a stranger. And I'm like, uh, okay. Graham, show me your bum. And then you can shave your bum while you're waiting for your toast because it's reflective. Well, I know that I won a toaster at a casino recently sorry it wasn't didn't win it was gifted it as a uh a regular customer of casino and uh it was amazing toaster uh and it

was metal but not reflective it was like matt right it like, what was... Matt who? Hmm. Duralaney. Okay. Anyway, go ahead. If you need to know. Why did they give you a toaster? Did they just have casino toasters? Oh, people who were...

That day, it was a couple of years ago around the holidays. And if you were a card-carrying member of the benefit program, then everyone got a toaster. There was like 100 people walking through the casino with toasters under their arms. Was that in Juneau? It was not. It was in California. There's no casinos in Juneau. You can't go to a casino

in Juneau. Really? Because they don't exist. I learn something new every day. I don't think there's a casino in Alaska to be honest with you. And I like to be honest. And also, I was surprised that you're an hour behind us, but yeah it's the same as like hawaii time or something no i mean it's a bit juno's a bit weird because we're you know right on the right on the coast of british columbia like we are we would be british columbia

you know right um you know so we should be the same time zone as Vancouver. I'd imagine. But the rest of Alaska starts to venture a wee bit West. So yeah. So you all, yeah. What time did the sun come up today? You do, do, do,

do, do, do. I don't know. It's so overcast and gray here. So, but it's sunset is, or sunrise is like eight something ish.

Oh, and it goes down. Yeah. Juneau is not that far North. And then it goes down yeah juno's not that far north and then it goes down around 3 30 yeah that's about five hours yeah it's decent yeah it's not like fairbanks where you like it just crests on the horizon as you're looking in the mirror but to kill yourself making toast you get chris fairbanks on the show you should get chris fairbanks on the show yeah um dave what's going on with you man uh well last we spoke i was the i was a uh dark and stormy night and i was feeling ill and two two children in my house

had been feeling ill and had both had covid tests now these are your children um two of the children in my house okay yes uh and two uh definitely i have two children and there were two children in my house yes okay i gotcha say no more yeah but they're not tagged like wild bears or anything but yeah they feel like mine yeah um and so they had both had negative tests And I was starting to get a cold and I thought I'll probably just have their cold And so I went to get a test On a Saturday morning

Before Christmas Saturday before Christmas And I waited in line For half an hour and They asked me what are your Symptoms They said do you do you have a temperature yes or a fever yes do you have sneezing yes cough yes uh upset stomach diarrhea yes yes yes everything have you lost sense of taste and i said yes and they were like yeesh but i lose the scent my smell and taste with every cold right so but

that day it was i had i could taste nothing and so uh they said okay well uh and i have you brushed your teeth yet or anything it was 8 30 in the morning i said no i just woke up and came here and they said oh so you want the swish gargle test? And I was like, whatever, whatever's more accurate. And they said, well, given your symptoms, the gold standard is up the nose. And around the corner. So I got up the button around the corner. And they said, that's where fudge is made. And so they gave it to me up the nose.

And then it was negative. Nice. Nice. Wow. No, I mean, when I say negative, I mean it was a discouraging result. But it was positive in that overall, it was a positive experience? Yeah, it was positive in that I don't have it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. John, you said you had to get several of these when you were doing the show in Toronto.

I've had probably seven total, six total. I'd imagine all up, but, uh, all up the nose. Uh, yeah,

all up the nose. Although in Toronto, they were doing like the scoop where they just swirl it around in your nostril for a while. And then, yeah, like how long is a while? Uh,

he stayed the night. He stayed the night. So it was a while. Uh, we had toast for breakfast but nice nice yeah it wasn't good for him to fall asleep doing a test because he didn't know but the yeah i do like it when it pierces through i like the cavity uh i like the q-tip up the nose like get as far into my brain as you can it just feels good it definitely didn't ruin my day the way that it just feels good it definitely didn't ruin my day the way that some people have said it does it was like yeah made me feel more alive if anything but it didn't make your day or did it i like the little tear that comes out of your eye

a little bit just to say yes something has kind of come into your nasal passageway it feels a little strange triggers a tear my three-year-old had to get it she was three at the time she's four now you have to be four to get the gargle test but she the she was three at the time and they said even four-year-olds are terrible at the gargle test we'll we prefer to do the swab yeah and so so the nurse said okay this will tickle a little bit and they put it up her nose and afterwards she just said that did not tickle was she very brave though did she cry or no no she's very brave nice so no covid no covid in the house as far as no covid in the house but i've had this cold for 10 days now and it's the worst it's it's oh like i had three or one or two days when it was really bad but i just can't shake it that's every cold i get

just okay lasts and lasts it's like uh extra gum so this is not it's not unusual it's just this time i mean with covid going around it's you're probably on high alert but it's not unusual if you have a cold to hang on this long no it's not unusual at all and it's uh very annoying because like i can't go anywhere i I like, I have a cough. And so I don't want to go out in public and be like, I'm fine. I tested negative. Just wear a shirt that says got checked out or a jacket. Yeah.

Got checked out 10 days ago. Yeah. I mean, I don't know if I have it now. That's right. As of 10 days ago great well that's the thing right like i like what if false negatives and positives like how do you really know like is this unusual in any other way does it just feel like a regular cold for you i'm pretty sure i had it you think you had it well i'm almost positive i mean not only did i lose taste and

smell in my mouth but also had this metallic taste in my mouth and a headache that would not go away and it wasn't like a migraine or excruciating in that way but like persistent and nagging and like something i'd never really felt before for how long uh i had the headache for a good five six days and the metallic taste in my mouth was like a good couple of days. Yeah. I mean, I had isolated myself at this point. Right.

Like, I don't feel well. I am just locking down. So where, that's a question I've wondered, like when people have to isolate, where, where has everybody gone? Where are they isolating? Well, I was in Calgary at this point. Oh, okay. After everything was canceled.

And I woke up most people who are isolating go to calgary like when the when they say you should isolate for 14 days go straight to calgary yeah do it during the stampede if you can yeah it's the best place it's the best place to isolate but like are people isolating did you isolate in a hotel yeah i just stayed in my room and didn't leave well i had no choice i was already there and then i felt symptoms and i'm like well i'm not gonna board a flight um i'm like i should probably just go back to the hotel and so i checked in and yeah it was room service for uh for 10 days was there any part of that that was awesome like the fact that you were in a hotel room and you could have room service every not no not at that point because at this point i'm hemorrhaging money

and i'd already been in a quarantine in winnipeg and toronto like i don't want to be stuck again and those were quarantines where i felt healthy and good and then this was a quarantine where it's like oh something could be off here and i have to really respect everyone else's um yeah like i had to quarantine feeling like shit so like dave's talking about like feeling like shit and coughing and isolating like i don't know part of me is like the last thing i want to do is be in a hotel room it's like let me get out into the world but yeah yeah i don't know i think not to like go into but like just even go for a walk or a hike or get away and get fresh air but it's like i couldn't even do that i think and i'm just

speaking for myself if i had to stay in a hotel room for a week was it or more than a week i was there 10 days yeah 10 days i'm gonna finish your sentence for you graham yeah it would be heaven it would be heaven i love hotels i'm not a huge fan of the outdoors what hotels are you a fan of graham generally all hotels all yeah not like it not one that's uh you know falling on hard times but any okay any like from kind of two and a half stars and up i would you would you do anything to make your own home seem more like a hotel oh i do yeah i throw my towel on the floor and uh that indicates new towel time you have a fire map on your door yes i have a fire map on my door i have all of your art is attached to the wall like like there's no way to pull it off and uh every time i turn on my tv it's

just the loop of uh introducing you to the hotel's amenities yeah yeah yeah and then i get somebody to slam a door every day at 5 30 in the morning so and then wheel some luggage up and down the hallway does your hotel room in this scenario that you love this heaven-like scenario you're presenting like does it have a balcony can you get outdoors i love balcony from perfect strangers get outdoors uh i love balcony from perfect strangers i i uh yeah i mean that would be nice but in my mind's eye it's not uh essential it's not essential oh my god yeah i couldn't do it i could not do it i don't like it i mean if i can't get outside then i think that's very responsible of you to have done that because i think a a uh person that wasn't on the ball would definitely get on that flight so i i commend you yeah but i mean it's pointless there are too many restrictions

in place anyway if you wanted to like number one it's not responsible number two i mean i'm already playing with fire trying to embark on that tour but i'm like okay places are open going to quarantine i'm going to play by the rules mask distance great see if this works once that fails and then um i don't feel well yeah i mean i can't endanger other people's lives so it might be feeling somewhat responsible but also also like what if my symptoms are worse on the plane and then connecting at the next airport like that gets worse and also temperature checks you like you may not even be able to board the aircraft so right you know you're just going to get yourself into more shit anyway i think there's enough government restrictions in place in canada anyway

yeah stop some people from traveling even if they wanted to yeah how many so you've had six tests how many uh or six or seven tests how many times have you been zapped with a gun a temperature gun in the forehead? Many times. Yeah. I've only had one. You're going to one doctor's appointment. I've had them every doctor's appointment I've gone to to get the zap. And I like it. I've had them at air.

You like it? Do you feel it? Here's the weird thing about it when I get it done. I hold my breath while they're doing it. I don't know why I hold my breath. You're like, excuse me. Okay, go. Yeah. Okay, go.

Yeah. Okay, we're going to take your temperature. Okay, just one second. I'm going to put on my coat and hold my breath. All these weird rituals. Let me tighten my belt. So why do you like it though like it's like it really it makes you uh like it you feel good when you get a a good result i know i feel like the who whatever

place i'm at is on the ball if they're not doing it then i'm like do you have your own thermometer yep what what how does that one work is it a zapper or ear or mouth no it's yeah mouth like in the old school glass glass stuff oh really so you can uh get a little mercury yeah i got a little mercury i can uh i can put it in my armpit if i want to get a reading that way you just shoot it into your reflection in the toaster man it'll get your temperature you can easily get that oh my god i'm 200 degrees and the toast just boom we're on fire the toaster's not even plugged in graham's got covid um so yes i had the test i'm i'm okay but i've i've been feeling uh subpar and then we had christmas and it was uh so, so I, I, John, I live in a city of called Vancouver. I know where you live.

My parents live here. My two sisters and my brother live here. And so we, uh, my, uh, we, we couldn't have dinner together every year. We have a big Christmas dinner. Big fat goose in the middle, right? Yes. We had a big, the goose is getting fat. We always say.

And so this year we did a like kind of a potluck but you don't get together like we all met in my parents yard and swapped oh food yeah so my my dad cooked a turkey and stuffing and uh then like i made pies and we all just did like a right kind of a swap and then brought our stuff home and had sad dinners alone that's okay though that's something and that's interesting it's better than nothing and it's your own family which is good i mean like a potluck with people you don't know is weird i don't like that but like no at least you know you know your family and their likes and how they're going to prepare i I'm getting to know my family.

Yeah. You're getting there. Yeah. Well, you're a hard guy to get to know. Yeah, that's true. But you adore me. I do adore you. And for a guy who does get to know me every episode, you are a hard guy to get to know.

I know. It's hard to pin down. And I know you listen to every episode. Okay, guys, let's pin each other down. Pin us down. What did you do? What did you guys do on Christmas? Graham David Clark?

I drank. I drank quite a bit. And not only on Christmas, Christmas Eve as well. And Boxing Day. In the daytime and nighttime? No, mostly nighttime. I try to keep it a nighttime activity. What is the best day drinking day?

Every day. Every day every day is it a summertime oh you mean the time of year yeah like is there is cinco de mayo is it yeah because the the days are longer when days are short you can't be you can't be drunk for that small window of time that the sun is up you gotta get shit done i like i like a christmas day oh sure if i don't have any if i don't have to do it it's a beautiful time to day drink yeah okay well there's no bad day there's no bad day no but there is but hold on temperature does have any like graham's not wrong to talk about the summer but like in california you know monday afternoon uh gambling i don't gamble on horses but my friend tim does so we sit at when we sit at the on the balcony on the patio uh ripping darts and drinking miller light and he's gambling on horses uh and it's just the two of us i mean there's no better place to sit

in shorts drinking beers all afternoon right so that's that's a great beautiful day so i think a monday in any time of the year is perfect okay okay well um that i will i will take your doctor's advice and because your doctor told you to do that right yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah for sure the doctor i don't trust my doctor anyway doctor suggests they don't drink a lot and it's they're judgmental but graham so tell me more about this uh christmas that you had so where were were you for Christmas were you on your uh on your own no I I live uh with uh my girlfriend so we were here I mean sorry I mean like you didn't go to Calgary you weren't with family you were like no I was here here in Vancouver okay gotcha okay and uh just ate like yeah just ate uh dinner got drunk and uh I think you know on Christmas Day we watched A Christmas Story if I recall correctly

and so that was fun that was fun and trees did you guys put trees up do you do that yes can I say that I saw a tree in the alley on Boxing Day in the morning

I love it how fast they had to Can I say that I saw a tree in the alley on Boxing Day in the morning? I love it. Wow. Like how fast they had to operate to get that. I remember one year I had to go out. I had to go out Boxing Day morning and I was like, I wonder if the Christmas radio stations like immediately switch to New Year's music. Yeah. I'll lang syne for a week.

New Year's music Yeah Auld Lang Syne for a week And they On Christmas On Boxing Day morning They had both switched To regular music But this year

They held on an extra day Oh nice And I There's nothing I want to hear Less on Boxing Day Than Christmas music Yeah I just want to hear Old fights

You know what I mean Old boxing matches. Yeah, but yes, please. Any songs about fights? Yes. Can you name any boxing songs? Yeah, isn't there a thing about Simon? The Hurricane.

Yeah. The Boxer by Simon and Garfunkel. No, no, no. I was doing Bob Dylan. Yeah, I know. But we named two. We made it that we named two boxing. I feel like how you like me now. No, no, no.

I was doing Bob Dylan. The Hurricane. Yeah. That's weird. So let's get that on the record. Okay. So I think the listener will know that we named both. No. I named Bob Dylan.

Okay, yeah. And you guys were talking about Simon and Garfunkel. That's right. What are some other boxing theme songs? Could you do a whole day of programming? Yeah, I feel like. What sport? What sport?

Could you do a SiriusXM channel dedicated to sports songs? Yes, that would be amazing. Oh, yeah, definitely. Just sports songs. But then could you break that down and do a boxing channel specific 24 hours a day so is it just music or is it music and also boxing no no just music about uh sports how many do we need like an hour to loop is that kind of what we're an hour 24 hours hours a day. Are you talking specifically about boxing songs? Well,

no, at first I'm, I'm, let's broaden it to begin with. Let's just do sports channel. Okay. We can absolutely do a whole sports thing. You could do all the jock jams.

Yeah. As well as like big league by Tom Cochran. Big leg counts. Yeah. Put me in coach. Uh, John Fogarty. John Fogarty.

Sure. Whatever that song's called. Boys of summer. don henley okay so i got a question do songs then like so for a christmas movie to be qualified as a christmas movie and i know the jury's out but like you know is die hard a christmas movie right um so then a song that just mentions a sporting event in it uh is that considered a sport song i would say yes what about that what if it was on the soundtrack of a movie that was about boxing sure no i don't agree i think it has to be a song about this yeah what about a song just about fighting is that a friday night's all right for fighting that kind of thing yes or saturday

yeah sure you wrote the i mean the prequels good too or saturday the actual name of the song Friday night's all right for fighting, that kind of thing? Yes, or Saturday. It'd be Saturday. Yeah, sure. I mean, the prequel's good, too. Or Saturday, the actual name of the song. Fight by John Boyd's The Tragically Hip. Yeah. Fight, the song Fight. Is that about a sport or just about... I don't know. I'm just saying.

I'm naming a... This is where we're going to get into trouble. I don't think we pitched this yet, guys. I think we leave this channel alone for a bit. I don't think we've decided. Okay. We'll leave this channel alone for a bit i don't think we've decided okay we'll let them keep playing christmas i know you were eager you were eager to do this but i don't think we're ready i wanted to get a month of sports music i wanted to get a month of free serious xm satellite radio yeah well we'll find another way for now or i'll just give you my subscription dave and you can have it but we're

not ready to pitch this channel yet you We have to figure out the rules. How do I get your subscription? Do I program it into my car? Oh, you want it in your car. I was going to say you can have my subscription and use it on your phone for the app, but in your car I don't think you can.

That's the only place I want it. Oh, yeah, and I agree. Why else would you listen to sirius xm if you're not in your car and even then yeah so box fm is not ready or fight fm yeah yeah i just want to hear uh the 80s on eight um john do you want to do the post on this one yes all right ladies and gentlemen we got ourselves a wonderful christmas 2020 we hope you're enjoying yourselves wherever you are we hope you're safe and sick free i know some of you are standing in line and anyway here's no no sick free

sick free and roy um graham what's going on with you um let's pin you down uh now a couple of weeks ago maybe a month ago i told you that i uh part of my tooth just spontaneously fell out of my head. Uh-huh. Could we do a month of tooth songs? Yeah. All I want for Christmas is two front teeth. Yeah. Goodbye, ruby tooth day.

Saturday night's all right for chomping. Yeah. So it was Friday, the prequel to Chomp Day. Yeah, exactly. Uh, so it, I like, I broke off half of my tooth and, I went to a dentist and he put a filling in it and kind of with the caveat,

I don't know how long this filling is going to last. Could last a week, could last 10 years. And, uh, his tongue in your mouth as well. Yeah. He put his tongue on it,

but that's because the spin the bottle game that was happening before I walked into the dentist. That has nothing to do... I didn't start it, but I'm going to join in, of course. Absolutely. That would be nice, though, if you were to test the integrity of it. I'm just going to test the integrity of it. And then his tongue reaches into your mouth. Now, do you feel that?

You don't? Hey, when you're getting a cleaning at the dentist or the hygienist no it's unspoken that the hygienist puts her boobs on your head it's like no one ever mentions it but it's happening yeah yeah but you know what it's the same the dentist is also going to lean over your head you can't have a sensitive head when you're at the dentist you're better to wear a toque if you can uh because people are going to be up against your face and in covid that's like crazy crazy amount of contact yeah for you know somebody who hasn't shaken a hand for a year uh you know all of a sudden having

two sets of hands in your mouth that's that's a crazy amount of hands that's a crazy amount of hands in a non-pandemic year but yeah that's right but the i never thought about that are they full mask i guess yeah they're they're all masked up and suited up and uh i sued it are they like et no they're like men in black okay good and look so what happened is the filling uh all of a sudden my tooth was like throbbing it hurt so so much and this was after the filling after the filling and this was on the 23rd so i was like uh i called the dentist office they were closed closed until January 4th. And so I had to find an emergency dentist who would take me in that day.

And I found somebody. And she right away said, you're going to need something called a pulpectomy. Oh, boy. Over the phone, she said this? No, I went, I got x-rays and she said you're gonna have to get a pulpit pulpit to me right away she said you have to have it now and so that drilling into your teeth and like cleaning out the nerve passages oh god yeah it was horrendous she was like i hope you're planning to drink through the 24th 25th and 26th but hold on graham so wait a minute to clean out the nerve

like is this a a root canal then like what do you mean what's up that's the first stage of a root canal which i will be getting this week oh okay so okay gotcha so now you're gonna go in i've had a root canal have you had one no no and oh no okay yeah oh this is great yeah well yeah once you're frozen once the nerves are out which they are right did they take the nerves out no they just like there's like yeah the pulp that was out like had collected there i don't know how it all happened i don't understand why wouldn't they just do the full root canal then and there oh just time they didn't have time yeah time okay gotcha yeah oh yeah no you're gonna have fun this is great yeah when they start to bring out the different uh sizes of filings. Yes. Make sure that, oh, it's fun. Now, here's the thing about this procedure

is the dental hygienist assistant was, I think it was her first week there because she kept making mistakes. God, that's what you want. And the dentist kept saying, like, that's not a number six drill bit. No, no, no. What did we talk about?

It was a lot of that. So it was fun to be in the middle of this kind of tension that is ridiculous yeah so they froze you though yeah like you're not yeah okay just the area not your whole body but like no they did it's weird they froze my whole body and not my mouth yeah did you did you did you leave your body yeah were you like hovering above because my body was my body was like, my ghost was like, I got to get out of here. There's too much tension between these two. You know what I mean?

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So that's me. I'm going to go have a root canal in the middle of the week and then get a crown put in. Root canal is like a classic sitcom premise. It's a premise? Not a premise, but it's something that happens to characters

yes i've never i've only heard of it having to uh fictional characters well call me fictional i'm gonna get one this week i guess john has had one too and i adore him art art imitating life or like imitating art it's really hard yeah is am i somebody from the dick van dyke show or is yeah you know like is this cosmetic gram is this a cosmetic root canal are you gonna get the big um like the bandage tied around your entire head scarf on my head yeah and the ice pack on abby abby had that for her um with some teeth she had the whole head wrapped up I had to keep ice on the side of my face for the whole evening leading up to this dental appointment.

So, it was great. You know what? I made a lot of friends along the way. And... Oh, my God. I've never had... Oh, boy. I'm not even going to finish this sentence.

Oh, Dave, now you got it. I knocked on wood, and then I'm not going to do it. Yeah. I don't want anything bad to happen. Thank you. To me. Should we move on to some overheards?

How about a little bit of business first? Oh, a little bit of business, sure. Oh, everybody, it's Jumbotron time. Here comes the Jumbotron train. The Jumbotrain. This week we have a message for gareth ladd from becky that's becky with an i that's no uh that's no why that's becky with an i and two k's wow yeah this is a new this is a new frontier for becky's everywhere but she has an i not a y so it's I2K instead of Y2K. She's a bug.

She's a computer bug or something. Is that fun? Yeah, that's a lot of fun. The message is, Happy 40th birthday to my partner Gareth Ladd from Chelmsford in Essex, UK for the 8th January. He's been a fan of your show for years. Dave has made the transition to middle age easier for him these past few months,

months having been on a similar journey into egg cookers, sauerkraut, and leaf blower ownership, or blonership. Blonership. And you couldn't be prouder of your leaf blower achievements in this past year.

Did I tell you my leaf blower got stolen? It is? Yeah. Oh, shit. events in this past year my did i tell you my leaf blower got stolen it is yeah oh man that sucks yeah well hey that's middle age man yeah exactly and you know matt if somebody needed to blow leaves that desperately then uh that's just you know you gotta let them have that. And honestly, it got stolen after the lion's share of the leaves had fallen. Right. So, you know, it's, at least I don't have to store it for the winter. That's right. And you know what?

This next fall, brand new leaf blower, brand new you. Yeah. Happy birthday, Gareth. And thanks for letting us vent about leaves. Yeah, happy birthday. And thanks for letting us vent about Leafs. Leafs? Yeah, happy birthday. Back to the show.

Oh, before we go back to the show, if you would like a Jumbotron message on our show, go to MaximumFun.org slash Jumbotron. Now let's get back to the show. Hey, I'm Dan McCoy. I'm Stuart Wellington. And I'm Elliot Kalin. Together we're The Flophouse.

A podcast where we watch a bad movie and then talk about it. Movies like Space Hobos, Into the Outer Reaches of the Unknown and the Things That We Don't Know, the movie. And also, Who's That Grandma? Zazzle Zippers, Breakdown backhanded compliment elvis is a policeman baby crocodile and the happy twins leftover potatoes station wagon three herbie goes to hell new episodes available every other saturday available at maximumfund.org or wherever you get your podcasts bye overheard i mean i feel good i feel good about me i recycled today i was going to recycle today

i drove here's the thing we had a lot of boxes left over. And here in Juneau, I filled the SUV with boxes, filled to the brim. Like front seat packed, back seat packed, trunk packed. Drove all the way out to the waste management center. Waited in line, pulled up. And I said, all I have is a carload of recycling. And she said, recycling's tomorrow. And I said, all I have is a carload of garbage she's like come back tomorrow i'm like can i just fucking throw it out you you admitted that it's

recycling sir we can't we can't let you just treat it as garbage now i wish i could just burn it what are the what are the different days tuesday tuesday th is recycling. Do they have a day, so every other day is garbage, or do they have like a compost day? I think you can do garbage. Bring your daughter to work day? You can bring your daughter to the dump day? Yeah. We don't compost. We just throw stuff in the ocean, and it becomes...

And just hope it gets caught in that plastic island that's just swirling around? No, no. This is compost. No, the plastic swirling around. No, no, this is compost. No, the plastic is not compost. No, no, no, no. You just throw it in the ocean and it becomes... Help. What was I watching? You ever get down the rabbit hole of watching rockets take off?

And descriptions of people talking about rockets? Like NASA rockets? Yes, like NASA rockets specifically yes yeah like nasa rockets specifically yeah so testing rockets and how you know like the boosters will slowly disengage and then they talk about it like that will fall back to earth and go into the ocean and be and become an ecosystem for fish they always quickly say it's not it's not trash they do it becomes an ecosystem for fish it's like the equivalent of throwing an oven in there, isn't it? Like, what do you mean an ecosystem for fish?

It's like, it becomes a tube for fish to go... No, you're throwing rust into the ocean is what you're doing. This will hit a surfer in the head. And then the surfer will become food for fish. Yeah, which would create an ecosystem. It'll create jobs for fish. Did you know rockets are made of fish food? I did know that you got to go down the rabbit hole all right everybody are you ready would you say for some overheards mine's not very good but i'm ready

okay all right now overheards is a segment where if you hear something or see something wonderful out there in the big beautiful world bring it back here to the podcast so we can all joke about it and have a good time. And we always like to start with the guest. John Doerr, do you have an overheard? Well, I mean, I do, but I'll be honest. I had to, I thought of it last minute. That's fine. And I know I'm always ready for them, right? Now, I know there's, I believe you've done one of, an overheard once before where you talked about being, overhearing some people after a show you did.

And those people said, oh, I liked the guy who went on last the most. That's the one that sticks out to me. I think, I don't know. I'd imagine I would have set that up as saying i was i was headlining a show yes you probably would have said that right in order yeah yeah uh that's and yeah i mean that's the only genuine one i've done uh the other ones are lies um whereas this one is real but it's not i i overheard it literally like it was over my shoulder i now co-parent a six-year-old named emma and we were driving in the car and uh i had picked her up and it was

rather quiet in the back seat and i said how's it going y'all right and we were driving home and she said my name's emma you have a little giggle but she's usually it was the first time she really fought back oh that's a great wow so i think yeah dope dope dope to do and then it was a conversation about now okay that's funny to me and you but it's sarcastic and rude so let's not do that to people we don't know she's like i'll do it with my mom i go yeah again hold on a second let's expand expand these boundaries here a bit uh or tighten them actually and but then she ended up doing it to her mom she said my name's christina don't think

she's how did it go over? She laughed and then immediately said, hold on. We can't do that outside the house. So the same thinking. Yeah. How has, you've been co-parenting this child for a couple of years? Yeah, I met her two years ago. So yeah.

Yeah. No, it's getting better. And you, was it, were there, was there some adjustment as a, you know, a swing and single? Not at and you uh was it were there was there some adjustment as uh you know swinging single not at all it was just it was easy it was like that bag of sand that indiana jones put in place of the golden skull so yeah i mean a few arrows flew at me on the way sure afterwards but yeah yeah i don't recall that being that successful no the the initial transition was smooth in that i opened the door and said, I'm here, and then everything went crazy.

Yeah. And, no, I mean, what do you want to hear? Of course, you know, there's challenges, but it's fun, and she's great, and she's funny, and, yeah, she's kind of my best friend in a way. That's very sweet. Especially in a pandemic. Well, yeah, but, I mean, but not in a good way like she's just

you know like Tim Bader gambles on horses and swears and farts what does she gamble on what's her what's her game she doesn't gamble but she likes unicorns and he likes horses so there's some parallel there and they both laugh at their own farts way too much

hold on one sec can I do this real quick? Oh, okay. Just see. Emma, can you come here for one sec, please? Yeah. Thank you very much. This is my friend Dave and Graham.

Will you quickly just do the impression of me? You know, the one where you go, my name's... Okay, do it. Do it real quick. My name's John. Do it. That's rude. Get out of here Shut the door

It was better even than I was hoping That was a quick one That was a quick one That was great Yeah, that's good That's why I don't teach my kids my last name Dave, do you have an overheard? I do We In order to kill time there's nothing to do during the pandemic especially in winter and it's uh you can't

go outside it's raining every day and you could go hunting yeah you know what i'll take the kids hunting you could build a blind a family blind, sit in the woods. Yeah. This is a good way to teach the children patience. Yeah. And the circle of life. We've just got to wait. We've just got to wait for the deer to come. That is a very funny premise,

by the way, David, you should get back on stage. How do I teach my children patience? Hunting. And before we blow that deer's brains out, we need to be very quiet. We're not going to do brains because we want to keep the trophy yes that's right okay yeah sorry go ahead what you're overheard in a pandemic uh so one day before christmas we went to the um uh science world

yeah the science museum here and you can you know they have it socially distant you book a block of time and they only let a certain amount of people come in and we've done that a couple times over the past few months but it was it was just crazy the week before christmas it was so uh so busy yeah um even though what you know there were tons of spots you could still book but i guess everyone had the idea to go there now just a quick question that thing that everybody puts their hand on and makes their hair go up that couldn't be on display right that's that's not covid friendly that is absolutely still on display the things that the thing that is off

display is you know how they're like there's a few things they they closed down but pretty much everything's open but they had like a full body um you know that thing that from like the sharper image where you put your hand on the pins yes and it makes an outline of your hand or you do it with your face they took that away because there's like a like a eight foot tall one of those right yeah and there's no way to sanitize a billion pins. No, and there's just kids on both sides of it trying to push all the pins back and forth. Our side wins. So there's the biology room where there were some French tourists.

Oh, la, la. And there's one game that you can play called the sperm game where you are i know the sperm game you don't have to describe to me yeah and you're a sperm going through i don't know the uh i think it's labeled the pussy no way it says the snatch it doesn't say the pussy um and these uh these two uh french tourists were walking around and i just found it very funny they said in a french accent oh the sperm game it's good are they are now are they paris that is uh quebecois french or they were i think they were yeah they were parisian they were okay i was gonna they were doing a reverse home alone exchange where they got to north america from paris yes we call them the variant tourists

go ahead graham yes do you have it over i do do i have something that i over overseen i was at the uh drug store to buy a christmas card and you can't go close to people so if somebody is browsing through the cards you just have to wait until they're done browsing and this was this guy was trying to decide between two cards one that had a very sweet manger scene on it and the other was one of those ones where you open up and a chihuahua shakes but he kept he only bought he only bought the major one he didn't he wasn't buying both he was like serious or hilarious yeah either hasn't quite figured out the idea like who yeah yeah what his relationship with that person is is it a new relationship and he can't quite figure them out yet but wants to

really make this work or yeah that's uh that's a tough one that is a tough one yeah i've been there i mean this chihuahua is irresistible but yeah yeah i mean she does love manger she does go to church she is she does love going to church every Sunday. She loves mangers. She loves swaddling clothes. Yeah. Yeah, she loves swaddling clothes. The oxen ass, she loves them.

Little drummer boy. That's got to be one of the worst places to wait, because obviously if I'm in a grocery store, you respect people's space and give them distance and do their thing. And in the grocery store, it's pretty quick. It's them distance and do their thing. And in the grocery store, it's pretty quick. It's like,

yeah, I need a tomato. That one's no good. I'll take this one. Done. But a card, that's got to take, that could be 15,

20 minutes of waiting around. Yeah, I was waiting there for at least five minutes and I just, I loved watching him paint. He was trying to decide between the two.

Buy them both. You'll use the Chihuahua one year. Buy them both. That's the obvious solution. Decide on the day. Get them both in cards, and then whatever you feel like in the moment, that's the card you get. Well, people are strained.

They don't have the money they once did, and they don't know where the next check's coming from, so they can only afford one card at a time. And you don't know. That Chihuahua one might expire by next christmas yeah that's true it could be uh it could be very expensive too if a chihuahua is popping out of there there's some design going into that card grant yeah and there's some mechanics and you're right you guys are right um and you're gonna if you buy it used you're gonna want to have it looked at by a mechanic yes absolutely if you have a uh yeah

a card like that you bring it to a mechanic if it's not working before you send it i just want to make sure this is working properly before i mail it out okay yeah yeah or if you have could you oil the joists for me i think you don't think they've you know the the kilometers are pretty low on this uh but you don't think they've maybe broken the dashboard? Like rolled back the odometer? You didn't Ferris Bueller this odometer? Yeah.

I once had a Tommy Boy card with Chris Farley, and you'd open it up, and it'd have Chris Farley in the center going, singing, fat guy in a little coat. And I'll often jumpstart that to make sure the battery, and I'll leave it running. I'll leave the card open for a bit. so you will jump start it from a car yes and then just leave it you leave it open leave it in neutral yeah you gotta leave it open for and running for a good uh 30 minutes before you mail it just yeah you want to make sure they're not going to get a dead battery card it's supposed to be so much more it's supposed to work uh now in addition to those you ever call caa or triple a uh on a for a card that doesn't work they won't service it

card associated associates uh-huh yeah associated associate yeah yeah graham you don't you don't own a car do you i don't own a card car oh you got your technicality i do own a car, do you? I don't own a card? Car. Oh, you got your own technicality. I do own a card. No, I do not own a car. I know. It'd be so funny. Someone's like, that's how you catch them too. It's like, yeah, of course I'm a member of Canadian accountants.

Accountants. What did you say? Automotive. Automotive. Automotive. Yeah. Association. Association. Yeah. Canadian Association of Accountants. did you say automotive automotive automotive yeah association association canadian association of

accountants um well i'm glad you got a car did you get a card eventually graham did you get in there to get your card and what did you get i got uh just a nice one that just was blank on the inside that's what i was looking for something blank had a christ Christmas tree on the front. Perfect. My total shopping time was under a minute. I picked one that I was like, this is blank inside? Good. Here we go. And away we go. Now we have

those overheards. We also have people who have sent in overheards from all over the map. If you want to send one in, you can send it in to spy at MaximumFun.org and the first one comes from Paulette in SLC Utah, USA.

Salt Lake City, Utah. Salt Lake Association. Association. Today, I went to the FedEx copy and print shop to make a color copy and I overheard the clerk talking to the guy behind me. She said, oh, hey, it's Sandy. You know me through

Trisha. Everyone remembers Trisha. And he said, oh, yeah, how's she doing? And she replied, I haven't talked to her in a long time. It's kind of a whole thing. Oh. He didn't bring up Trisha. You know me through Trisha, who I hate. Yeah. So I can hang

out with you, but not with you and her if you want to hang out uh i'm off of trisha do you ever meet someone and you're like you have to give them information about how they know you no i just i just uh i just avoid that at all costs i just uh try and throw some glitter in their face and then yeah run run like hell. Yeah. You're like Rip Taylor in that way. Yes. Thank you. He's no longer with us. Rip Taylor.

We lost both rips. Rip rips. Like, do you mean you would go like Dave? Are you saying like, have you ever had to go up to someone and tell them how you know them? Yeah. Like, or if you're like, if you're in a place with someone and you're like, how do we know each other? And you have to be like, we know each other through Rebecca.

Right. Oh, hi, I'm Rebecca's friend. I want to say Dave. Yeah. Why would I forget my own name? That's the big, you're like, I'm horrible with names, even my name. I want to say it's Dave, but it could be Brian. Do you know a Brian?

Yeah, that's never a good one. That's never fun. It's like, here's how we know each other. Yeah. You want to steer away from those? Yeah. I want to steer away from everything. Yeah.

As do I. That's why I always need to call the Automobile Association. Association. Association. Canadian Association. Association. Association. Association. Canadian Association. Association. This next one comes from Doug F. from Parts Unknown.

He took a photo of a billboard that's all over town. It's a billboard called the company's called Tire Discounters and where there should be words with their slogan. It just says word, word, word, word. So that's the best.

Like a template. A template made it through the process. Oh, that's the best like a template a template made it through the process oh that's great and he said there's four of them up around town so that's uh fantastic i've wanted to post a video for the longest time that says uh uh title text over top of a video just throw those up there that's great yeah i love that they were like well we've got a deadline and we have to put them up regardless uh we don't know what this business is maybe that's exactly what it's supposed to say yeah or it's an adult or it's a new adult swim show one or the other have you ever as any either you guys ever thought uh, getting a billboard or a bus bench? Um,

yeah, I guess I don't need to apologize to my wife. Uh, but that's what I would use it for. I'm sorry. I got you those clothes for Christmas that you don't like. Yeah. In high school, myself and two other friends called the bus stop advertising company and got a quote.

And we didn't have enough to get it, but we did try to pool our resources to have a sign with just the three of our faces on it. No business. Yeah, well, you go to prom with us? The best. And so you didn't have enough, but like, so in high school. How much was it? Roughly. Yeah. It was like, uh, it was kind of upper hundreds to like 900 to 1200.

Okay. So like doable, if you could really get everyone on board. Yes. But, uh, wow. And that would have been,

that would have been for one. Yeah. Bus stop. Wow. Yeah. For how long? A grand for a, I think for the bus stops,

it was like a long time because they don't want to have to replace that bench sure right yeah oh so it was a bench specifically so not a shelter gotcha okay so like they're like realty yeah yeah yeah what the realtors do but then you have to go you have to you also have to dish out money for a special bench photographer that's's right. Yeah. And you got to, you know. Someone who has bench Photoshop, you know, a bench graphic designer. Yeah, that's right.

Somebody who can crop out, just go chest up. Because that's how real estate agents do it, right? Chest up. There's no full body real estate agent. I mean, they should have one where they're lying down the length of the bed like that would be ideal but uh so what would you have put on like would you have writing on it as well did you have a slogan in mind or just no it was just the three faces and we'd let people uh that's it interpret it the way that they would yeah and you were in high school at the time yeah we just didn't have the money time? Yeah, we just didn't have the money.

We had the drive, but we didn't have the money. Oh, my God. Should have asked my parents for the money, to be honest, and then just done it. Hey, Mom and Dad, do we have a college fund for me? Yeah, exactly. Can I borrow some money? And then I come back to them and say I lost it all at the casino, which is my cover, where we spent the money on this bench.

Yeah. Are there any more? There's one more. One more. This is from Casey. This is from her kids. We were getting ready to watch Disney's Mickey Once Upon a Christmas. The first story is about Donald Duck and his three nephews. My five-year-old gets excited

and says to his younger brother, look, it's Huey, Dewey, and Chewy. Very cute. Very cute. Huey, Dewey, and Chewy. Very cute. Very cute. Very cute. Huey, Dewey, and Chewbacca. Now, in addition to overheards that are written in, we also accept your phone calls.

If you want to call us, our phone number is 1-844-779-7631. That's one. Ugh. SpyPod 1, like these people have. Also, John, do you want to hit the post one more time? I would love to. Yeah. Okay.

So just, you know, just talk until the first lyrics come up. All right, ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the John Jor HR Show. CBC, January 5th, 930. We really hope you tune in. In the meantime, we've got some wonderful drive home music for you. Can't wait for you to visit us at this summer's

Jam Blast. Where Money and the McKinney will be playing in front of us. And then we're gonna go. So in the meantime, make sure you run, run, run, run, run. And for the guy. So in the meantime, stay safe. Don't forget that we've got some CAA memberships for free.

If you want to call with the Automotive Association Awards Ceremonies. We're gonna... Tequila! Ah! Oh, you stepped on it a bit. Oh, sorry. I just have been not only going to step on it, I sang the lyric over the lyric. You sang Tequila. I thought I had one more

bar going. I don't know what happened there. But Dave, great choice. I thought it was for a sec part way through i'm like this is all instrumental i'm like no tequila's coming at one point um okay phone calls let's hear them hey dave and graham this is logan from juliet georgia calling in with an overheard i was uh facetiming my sister and telling her, hey, and talking about the holidays coming up and Christmas and whatever. And my nephew came on. He said, I want to talk to Logan.

So I spoke to him for a second. We talked about Santa because he's the right age for Santa. And my sister said, what is Santa going to eat when he comes down the chimney? And my nephew whispered, cookies. And she said, and? And she was trying to prompt him he comes down the chimney? And my nephew whispered, cookies. And she said, and? And she was trying to prompt him, you know, and he said, pine cones. And I started laughing so hard, and then

Santa said, I don't know why he said that. We don't even have pine cones. So, it was great. It was cute. And it's a new Christmas tradition is cookies and pine cones for Santa. Hope you guys are having a great week. Cookies and pine cones. is cookies and pine cones for Santa. Hope you guys are having a great week. Cookies and pine cones. Cookies and pine cones.

Yeah, pine cones. Did you put out cookies and milk for Santa, John? What did Emma put out? She put out gingerbread cookies. Did you eat them? Gingerbread cookies. I did not eat them, no. We did cookies, eggnog, and carrots for the reindeer i thought that santa was keto so i

only put out kia keto a big plate of meat um we it occurred to me as i'm taking a bite of the carrots for the reindeer so that it seems like the reindeer have eaten the carrots. Is Santa bringing the reindeer into the house, or is he taking bites of the carrots and then feeding the reindeer like baby birds? None of the above. He feeds the reindeer a carrot, throws the remainder down the chimney. Oh, okay.

Bounces and lands on the plate. Magic. There you go. All right. We also, Emma left a note for Santa, and she didn't want to write the whole note writing's you know not her favorite thing to do spelling and writing great opportunity to help her write a note to santa and she part way through the note she decided

to just draw an arrow and then recorded a video on her toy camera that explained the rest. So the note was, Santa, watch this, with an arrow. That's nice. So I thought that was smart. Mix it up. Yes. She did a good work around there, and you got to admire her inventiveness. So I had to leave a note saying,

Emma, thanks for the video. I felt like such a fraud for the first time in my life. For the first time. Here's your next phone call. Hi, Dave, Graham, and probable guest. This is Christian from Halifax calling in with a hell of an overspeed.

I was waiting at the stoplight for the Crop Walk sign to turn on. It had just started flashing like do not cross. So a young woman and her dog started to hurriedly jog across to get there before the green light went. And as she was jogging,

a tied-up dog poop bag fell out of her jacket pocket. It seemed she didn't notice and kept running. And the person who was stopped at the stoplight in their vehicle also noticed this because when the light turned green for him, he pulled a U-turn, stopped his car in the road, got out, picked up the dog poop bag, got back in his car, drove down the street,

and once he caught up to the two of them, the young woman and her dog, he threw the poop bag at her. I mean... He fucking hit her in the back. I don't think he meant to do it, because that's a hard shot to hit when you're in a moving vehicle, and they're running. Especially since he didn't yell at it,

you just sped off. I think it was embarrassing, but it was funny. It's like a comedic version of falling down. Like he just, he broke at that moment. And they're in the back. Yeah. Oh, boy.

Oh, man, that warms my soul. That is beautiful. I think I, yeah, I feel like I know many people who would have done that. Like, pick up the poop. Well, I know one person in particular who definitely would. Yeah. A little vigilante justice. Matthew Hawkins.

Watch out for him if you're on the road. I think anyone who litters, he would would take the pick up the coffee cup you throw out the window and throw it right in the window at you so yeah the world needs that yeah but wait a minute did this woman accidentally drop yeah it was actually it fell out of her pocket oh that's weird i mean or felt like not out of her pocket she wouldn't have had it in her pocket yeah if she was like i keep it in my jeans pocket In that little coin pocket Yeah Alright here's your final overheard

Hey Dave Graham Impossible guest this is Russ from Calgary Calling in an overheard In the sense that it's something my two year old Said to me this morning But I'm pouring him a bowl of cereal And as I'm grabbing the milk and about to pour it He looks at me and says

It's milk time Well, off I go That's the best Yeah That's what life is all about right there That's how people talk That's how that two-year-old gets it It's milk time

This breast comes into frame what is this book it's milk time this is my book that's coming out soon it's called worlds matter i didn't know you had a book coming out yeah it's a serious guide to humor resources so yeah this is awesome what is the? What's the quote on the front? Oh, it's all good. That'll be coming out soon. Self-published. I'll let you know.

Cool. John, thank you so much for being our guest. Thanks for having me, guys. Both of you. Dave, I'm glad we were able to mend those you. Uh, Dave, I'm glad we were able to, uh, mend those fences. Yeah.

Graham, uh, glad we were able to put the past behind us. That's right. Yeah. And, um, yeah,

that was real fun. I'm glad we got to connect, but it'd be great if we could be in the same room together. Obviously it would have been, yeah, it would be fantastic. You know, now here's,

uh, you've got this new show coming out. Where can people find it? Yeah, and thank you, by the way, for having me on this podcast. It's very timely and relevant to my life because our show comes out January 5th at 9.30. So Tuesdays on CBC in Canada. And we don't have anything American yet, but also CBC Gem.

You can watch it on the CBC Gem app or on CBC 930 Tuesday nights starting January 5th. That's fantastic. Congratulations on the show. Thank you. Sarah Silverman and Courtney Gilmore and Dave Merhej are guests in episode one.

Oh, fun. That's a great lineup. Yeah. It's a a great lineup. Yeah. It's a real fun one. Yeah. Dave Merhaj, as people will know from this show, and Sarah Silverman

has the same birthday as me. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, very nice. Do you guys celebrate together? I presume. Oh, no. Okay.

Have you ever celebrated together? Like if you said, I mean, why would we celebrate birthdays oh like in a party sense oh no no no no okay maybe something thanks guys thanks for having me guys thanks for coming john no this is great and uh we have nothing to post happy new year everybody yeah and uh you know Thank you, everybody, for listening to the show. If you like the show, you can tell your friends.

And please be safe out there. Take care of yourself and each other. And please come back next week for another episode of Stop Podcasting Yourself. MaximumFun.org Comedy and culture. Artist owned. Audience supported.